#the amount of times i’ve seen her not included in stuff is baffling

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Pathologic fandom stop excluding Clara from stuff challenge

[fandomgremlinlover]

Im posting this as a rant, so. Don’t like. DONT READ‼️‼️

anyways, I’ve been seeing a bunch of Taylor Swift stuff on my TikTok FYP lately, and it’s either people bashing or supporting her. Personally, I don’t really care for Taylor. She doesn’t affect me or my life and I could care more or less about her music.

But.

In the process of this, I’ve seen a lot of swifties (that how you spell it??) defending her by saying that the people who dislike her and openly hate her are misogynistic and anti-feminist, and have no real good reason to hate her. Which, first of all, is an absolute dog shit of a statement and a VERY arrogant take on this entire ordeal to begin with!?

I’ve only got a couple things to say about Taylor Swift, and none of them are particularly nice. So if you don’t want to read ahead, scroll. Because I’ve got a LOT to say in regards as to why I dislike Taylor.

( Statement 1)

“Taylor Swift is an ethical billionaire guys, she’s not a bad person!!”

Every time I read this comment, or hear it, from anyone. (including swifties) I lose a brain cell and lose faith in humanity. Firstly, an “ethical billionaire” does not exist. Ethical, by definition, has three different meanings. But the definition that I assume most people refer to is “avoiding activities or organizations that do harm to people or the environment.” And billionaires, do not give a shit about that.

I want you to process the word billionaire. A word referring to a person who makes BILLIONS every single damn year and make millions every single minute. 24 hrs a day. They make SO much money, that if they were to ever give a FRACTION of that amount to the public, specifically the homeless, our homeless problem in the US could be fixed. And when I say fixed, I mean there would never be any more homeless people in the United States of America. I am aware it wouldn’t be fixed immediately, don’t put words in my mouth, but with time, probably very short if we put more effort into the problem, there would be no homelessness epidemic within a couple years. The fact that Taylor Swift is probably the RICHEST woman/singer/songwriter of the 21st century and has more influence than any political candidate or party will every have in their life adds to the ridiculousness of this statement and baffles me every time I remember it. To prove my point, there are about 2700 billionaires in total as of 2024. 759 of those billionaires are from the USA. One of which, is Taylor Swift herself.

If you are a person who goes by the slogan “Eat the rich” and you still believe that Taylor Swift is an exception to this quote. You need to get your head out of the clouds and come back to reality. Because she’s in no way an exception to this, just like Biden isn’t. Just like Trump isn’t. And just like any other fucking politician that exists isn’t an exception!!

Also, do you know how much fucking co2 this woman uses every year for her private jet flights??? If you don’t know, here’s a graph:

She produces my co2 admissions than the average American does in a YEAR. Specifically for Airplane travel. Considering the number, that’s fucking ridiculous. She could just as easily use a public Airliner and get a first class ticket if she wanted to avoid fans and have privacy. If we were to produce as much of carbon dioxide this woman makes on average every fucking year, im pretty sure this fucking planet would be dead. Or at least worse off than it already is.

Remember how I gave out the definition of ethical??😊 and how it refers to a person who avoids companies or products that harm the environment or its people??😁 Yeah… pretty sure she does the EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE!! 🙃💀

(Statement 2✌️)

“She represents feminism and for women’s rights!!🥺🥺”

…no she doesn’t. She represents only one type of feminism, WHITE feminism. Feminism, by definition, means “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.” Which includes ALL ethnic minority women, including, white women. Feminism includes the advocacy of ALL women, no matter the race, class, culture, or age. It’s for all. White feminism on the other hand, is not. This expression of feminism focuses on white women and purposely fails to address the existence of minority women and other women lacking privileges. Taylor Swift is KNOWN, quite literally, to use this to her advantage! Every single time an interviewer asks her what she thinks of her haters or something related to this, she brings up feminism and cry’s wolf about the hard time she’s had in the industry as a woman.

Don’t take this the wrong way though, I’m not saying that she HASNT experienced hardships within the industry!! But she clearly is using those experiences to gain sympathy and support. She’s been in the music industry since she was 14 YEARS OLD. She knows what she’s doing. And she clearly knows HOW to do it.

She is 34 years old, she’s a grown ass woman. She has ACCESS to social media and global and economic issues. She doesn’t speak on them though. She could. And she did. She has more influence than the damn president for gods sake. Remember when she voiced her political position in the presidential election with Trump and Hillary?? No? Well let me refresh your memory. When she voiced herself as a Democrat and quite literally insulted Trump for being misogynistic, he RESPONDED and said “he liked Taylor Swift 25% less now”

….HUH!?! SHE got the damn PRESIDENT of the USA (at the time) to fucking respond to HER. Do you realize how unlikely that is for ANY other celebrity if they were to do that!?!

VERY unlikely.

The only reason he even responded was because HER statement affected his campaign and votes.

To emphasize on how much influence she has, if you still don’t believe me, when she started dating that star football player. And then her fan base found out, almost every single football game she has attended, sold out. Jerseys?? Sold out. Popularity?? Skyrocketed. Suddenly every swiftie in sight is a professional football coach and is a fan of her boyfriend’s football team. 🤯🤯

If you realize how INSANE that is, most of her fans, who probably had never even CHEERED for a football team, is now cheering for his.

Also, remember the Barbie joke told by Jo Koy?? Yeah. And Taylor Swifts reaction to his joke?? Almost every editor on TikTok and every user on every social media is screaming and posting about it. Like— not even an 24 HOURS. And there’s already edits about the golden globes. And everyone’s talking about “feminism” and the “importance of women’s rights!”

…..

But no one’s talking about the Palestinian women?? No ones talking about the women in Congo?? No ones talking about how Palestinian women don’t have access to menstrual products?? Or how they don’t have access to morphine or anesthesia to give birth?? Or how Congolese women are raped EVERY hour??? How so many of these women in so many of these places are being abused and treated??? No??? Instead we focus on the reaction of a women to a poorly made joke by a stupid man. I’m not saying he had the right to do that, I’m only saying that instead of focusing on the reaction of a women who has more influence than the US government themselves to a poorly made joke about her relationship, we should focus on REAL LIFE ISSUES!! She’s a grown ass woman who can stand up for herself. She does not need ANY help whatsoever.

He’s gotten held accountable, and I’m satisfied with that, but now that it’s over, your attention should be to the millions of women in the countries that are struggling, including ours!! Advocate for that. Don’t advocate for a woman who makes more money than 15 millionaires combined and doesn’t use her influence to empower other women, specifically women in minorities.

I’ll say it louder for the people in the back, SHES NOT A GOOD PERSON‼️‼️

(Statement 3️⃣)

“Her music is revolutionary!! Her songs are so beautiful and have so much meaning!!🥹🫶”

This is the only statement where I’ll consider its validity. You see, back when I was younger, I was a Taylor swift fan, but not big enough to be considered a swiftie. Her music was impossible to avoid and I, admittedly, still enjoy some of her songs. And some of her new songs are somewhat good. But… some of her songs… are just… not. 😬

The first part of this statement though, I kinda agree with. Due to her music and little influence she had on me as a kid, I started going down the rabbit hole of how feminism and women’s rights came into play with her music. O diverged from there and began getting into women’s rights in minority communities, and how they have less privilege than other groups of women. And it continued from there. At that point, I had learned about Taylor Swifts wrong way of advocating for women. I learned that you needed to do much more than say that the reason that so many people dislike Taylor Swift is because they are anti feminist and are misogynistic.

As I said before, she pulls the focus on her and in the process covers up other women’s accomplishments. Did you know that the first ever Native American woman was NOMINATED for best Actress??? No?? Well, here she is:

Lily Gladstone, a Native American woman nominated for best Actress in 2024. You wanna know what she did as soon as she got her award?? She spoke in her native language, Blackfeet, and said that she won’t be the last Native American to win an award. Why aren’t as many people talking about her?? She was in the same room as Taylor Swift?? And all the people who made those edits with the Barbie soundtrack, wheres the edits of her??

This woman has made HISTORY. And yet no one is talking about it.

Getting back on the topic of Taylor’s songs, while some are good and well-done. They aren’t really… anything special???? Most of the songs shes written are mostly about her past relationships.

(Which, by the way, I’ll talk about a little more in a bit)

And other topics, like revenge and love. And when you listen to her songs, they’re, admittedly, meh. Now, I’m guilty to listening to some of her songs from a long time ago. I mean— I literally owned the reputation album! I loved the songs cause I thought they were cool, but eventually, they became annoying. There are a couple of her most recent songs that I mostly enjoy, I’m pretty sure the one that goes like: “I see right through me”?? Idk but the only reason Ik it is bc it’s remixed with “always an angel, never a god” 🫠

Otherwise, I haven’t listened to much of her new music.

Now, on the topic of her dating history….Yeah. You can’t even defend her here swifties…

I’m gonna list some of the people that I remember cause I don’t know any of the others🤷:

Matt Healy (…..really)

Harry styles

Jake Gyllenhaal

I….thats it…that’s all I remember….😶

Now, in total, she’s dated about 12 publicly known exes. And has dated about 15-20 men. And I know who 3-5 of them are… Apparently she’s dated Tom Hiddleston and Zac Efron as well, but the rest I’m not sure I know. From what I can gather, from a specific Reddit post, Ty to this person btw, did math on how many songs she’s written about heartbreak and/or her exes below: 👇

This is the link to the post: Taylor Swift relationship math

And it is insane. I’ve NEVER seen that many heartbreak songs written by ONE PERSON🤯 admittedly, that’s impressive, but that is also RIDICULOUS. I get that music is an escape for most and anyone has the right to put their feelings into a song. But this…. This is astounding. I’m not gonna bash on how many songs she had written of her exes, I just wanted to show you the math.

The real issue I have with her dating history is not that she has written almost every single one of her songs about them, but mostly to the face that some of them are REALLY controversial. Specifically, Matt Healy. Who is a known racist and neo-nazi. And was known to be these things BEFORE they started dating. And was circulating around the media for a while. To the swifties who defend her bc she “broke up with him” after this, THAT DOESNT MEAN JACK SHIT SHE STILL DATED HIM WHEN ALL THAT SHIT CAME OUT.

There’s a lot more I want to say, but I’m tired and have been meaning to say stuff about Palestine other issues beside that. I saw this as an opportunity and I took it. Thank you for reading and Free Palestine 🇵🇸

[luxekook]

in too deep ☼ knj

☼ dedication: this fic is a bday present for the loml tay aka tay bay bay aka @interludemoonchild​!!!! luv u long time <33 (sorry this isn’t about hobi skksksks)

☼ pairing: marine biologist namjoon x assistant reader

☼ genre: idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, crack

☼ summary: you had always grown up being told tales of terrible jobs with tyrannical bosses. but now, you’re left to wonder why you hadn’t heard more tragic stories of all-too-wonderful jobs with all-too-beautiful bosses... did falling for your boss only lead to heartbreak and a two weeks’ notice? or could it yield the possibility of romance?

☼ word count: 3.1k

☼ warnings: pg15, cursing, chaotic energy, pining, miscommunication, mentions of quitting, lots of sea nerd stuff, namjoon is smart af but an idiot in love, the reader isn’t any better, crabby bois, arguments, completely cheesy fluff, short make out sesh, mention of sex

☼ banner creator: heathy bby @shadowsremedy​

☼ beta reader: the amazing and astoundingly talented phia @meowxyoong​

“Kim Namjoon!” You cry, swatting the blue-clawed crab away from your feet with a broom, “What did I tell you about bringing your goddamn crustaceans into the office?”

The man in question hustles out of his office looking disheveled, “You’ve seen Carl?” He sinks right down to his hands and knees to peer under your desk. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, little buddy!”

You stare disappointedly as your boss picks up ‘Carl’ from his hiding place and cradles him to his chest. “Namjoon,” You sigh exasperatedly, folding your arms.

He looks up at you and blushes, “Sorry, Star. I just feel so bad leaving them downstairs at the lab. It’s so lonely and dark down there.” 

While your stomach flips at the mention of his nickname for you, your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Well, why don’t you just stay down there with them?”

“Because you’re up here…” He mumbles something incoherent. 

“What?” You lean forwards, your ears straining to catch the garbled syllables.

Namjoon clears his throat, looking everywhere but at you, “Because it’s nicer up here.”

“Don’t tell your investors that,” You laugh, thinking of all the fancy and shiny equipment housed in the aquatics lab a few floors below. Working for a top-tier marine biologist sure had its perks - namely the state of the art kitchen with a full espresso bar. 

“Star, I would never!” He looks affronted by the mere mention of such a thing. “Now, apologize to Carl for scaring him.” 

You scoff, but just one glance into Namjoon’s sparkling brown eyes makes you crumble instantly. “Fine,” You begrudgingly shoot the crab a look, “Sorry, Carl.”

“See, Carl?” Namjoon croons, “She’s sorry!” As he turns back to you, you can immediately tell he is about to launch into Marine Biologist Mode™. 

“Carl is a blue crab - a Callinectes sapidus, to be precise. That scientific name literally means ‘savory beautiful swimmer’.”

“Savory, huh?” You quip, relishing in the scandalized look Namjoon shoots you.

“Don’t listen to her, Carl,” He whispers, stroking a finger gently down the crab’s shell. “Now, where was I? Ah, yes… He’s named for his pretty sapphire-tinted claws, and he’s one of the most harvested species of his kind. So, don’t even think about it.”

You burst out laughing as he eyes you, “Okay, Joon, I’ll leave my pot of boiling water at home.”

Namjoon splutters out a choked laugh, looking at you like you are the most exasperating thing he’s ever come across. And, you probably are.

When you came to work for the distinguished marine biologist four months ago, you found him literally buried beneath piles of research papers, files, and National Geographic magazines. Apparently, he had tripped into his filing cabinet and everything had fallen off of the shelves onto him. The man had been a right mess. It was no wonder he had put an ad out in search of an assistant.

In your new role, you slowly but surely introduced some structure and organization into Namjoon’s life as best you could. The first thing you did was update his office. The man still had an honest to god lava lamp on his desk. You were still baffled at how he had managed not to break the fixture before your arrival.

Swiftly following the disposal of the cursed lava lamp, you ordered new file cabinets - and had them nailed to the wall. Virtually, you did even more. You restructured his online platforms and updated his schedule to include more than just scattered notes like “Meeting at 10AM, i think? Or was it 10PM?”

To his credit, Namjoon adhered to most of your suggestions and changes, but apparently he still refused to grasp the ‘no creatures in the office’ rule.

Overall, Namjoon was a great boss - kind, understanding, sweet, and a tad eccentric. His love for all things sea-related shone through the gentle way he handled his specimens, the passionate tone of voice he used while speaking on any related topic, and the stars in his eyes at the mere mention of discovering a new species.

It had been all too easy to become infatuated with him. Especially when he called you “Star” and left you to interpret the meaning on your own. 

You remember the exact moment that you fell in love with him so vividly. It had been last month, just three months into working for him. Namjoon had been going off about fucking sand of all things.

“…Sand speaks of history, of science, of travels. Each grain of sand holds thousands upon thousands of years of movement, of erosion. For example, the beach outside of this building is tan because of the iron oxide tinting the quartz and the feldspar to a light brown color. But, there are other beaches that are black, white and even pink in color! It’s fascinating! And to quote the goddess of marine biology Rachel Carson: "In every curving beach, in every grain of sand, there is a story of the Earth…”

Yeah, you are head over heels for your boss. And that’s why you needed to quit.

The end of the workday arrives too quickly - a common theme it seems when you love what you do and who you work for. Namjoon walks beside you down to the parking lot. You sneak a glance at his face and note that he seems deep in thought.

Your mind slips to the image of you and Namjoon going home together to a shared house overrun with fish tanks and models of sharks. It’s all too easy to picture, and all too painful to acknowledge the impossibility.

“Star,” Namjoon’s voice jolts you from your fantasy. You blink up at him, realizing you’re both stopped beside your adjacent cars. Namjoon smiles at you, “I’ll see you tomorrow? It’ll be Friday, finally...” 

It seems like he wants to say more but stops himself for some reason. You pause, waiting for him to continue, but he just blushes and brings a hand to the back of his neck bashfully.

“Yeah, Friday,” Your tone is less enthusiastic. You planned to hand in your two weeks’ notice tomorrow. It’s a complete strategy on your part so that you can have the whole weekend to cry and shove at least one gallon of ice cream down your throat.

You wave goodbye to each other and enter your respective cars. You watch Namjoon pull out of the parking lot before you and pause to rest your forehead on your steering wheel. You were so screwed.

Twenty-four exhausting hours later, you find yourself with your fist poised over Namjoon’s wooden office door. Are you actually doing this? Are you really going to quit the only job you’d ever loved? 

Yes, you are. You love Namjoon too much to stay here surrounded by his charisma and his beauty. You love him too much to try to complicate his workspace, his sacred ground. You love him too much to ask him to blur the lines of colleague and lover.

You need to leave - for his sake and for yours. It isn’t like he still needs you. He has been following your routine with vigor and always keeps his office organized now. Your tasks have been dwindling for weeks. 

It’s time to move on. God, even the tension today had been off the charts with you and Namjoon skirting around each other like you were both walking on eggshells. Clearly, he is also feeling like you are in the way.

With that in mind, you straighten your shoulders and finally knock on the door.

Your ears strain for any sign of an answer. Your breath catches in your throat as you try to sustain the meager amount of courage you had mustered up inside you. Twisting open the handle, you push the door open and are immediately met with an empty office. Damn, he must be downstairs.

You chuckle at the sheer idiocy of your panicked state over knocking on an empty office door.

This is perfect anyways. You can hand Namjoon your two weeks’ and then evacuate the building in one sweep. Shutting down your computer and grabbing your things, you trudge out of the room and towards the stairs.

The journey downwards seems akin to walking the plank as you take each step slowly, dreading the inevitable. 

Ciara has it all wrong: you do not love it when you One, Two Step. 

The entrance to the lab looms overhead. The steel double doors look more like the gateway to hell rather than a nice entrance to a marine facility. You don’t break your stride as you march through the doors. If you had, you might not have kept going.

The familiar light humming of the tank filters meets your ears as you peer around the rows of shelves containing colorful fish and scuttling critters.

“Joon?” You call, the nickname slipping past your lips before you can stop it.

“Back here, Star!” His answer sounds from the very back of the lab. Of course, that’s where the crabs are housed.

You make your way past the tanks of clownfish and the pools of stingrays to where Namjoon sits hunched over the shallow tank containing four green-tinted crabs. 

“That’s it, Nala.” Namjoon croons as the smallest of the four crabs swims around the tank, “You show your brothers how fast you are.”

“Talking to your subjects again, boss?” You can’t help but tease the man you've grown to love as he fawns over his work.

Namjoon blushes slightly and nods, pushing his glasses up to rest on the bridge of his nose, “Studies have shown that it helps them develop.”

“I thought that was humans?” You say, shifting your weight back and forth. The letter in your hand seems to burn more each second you hold onto it. You couldn't take it anymore.

As Namjoon opens his mouth to reply, you thrust the letter into his chest and say, “Never mind. This is for you. Please read it later.”

With that, you fast-walk your way back to the entrance of the lab. The sound of the envelope tearing open only forces you faster. Fuck, it had been idiotic of you to assume that he would actually listen to you and open it later. Namjoon is as impatient as they come. Of course he wouldn't wait.

“Star!” His strangled call startles you, “What is this?”

“We can talk about it on Monday!” You reply, somehow already close to tears. Why is this godforsaken lab so big? You pace down the aisles of tanks and breathe a sigh of relief as the exit comes into view. 

Then, Namjoon comes barreling around the corner, cutting off your escape. The man looks baffled as he clutches your written resignation in his hands. His chest heaves as he holds the torn pages out towards you, “What. Is. This. Star?”

You bristle. I guess we’re doing this now, you thought. Stiffening your shoulders, you muster all the false bravado you can manage, “It’s my two weeks’ notice, Namjoon. I’m sure a smart guy like you can read.”

“Okay, allow me to rephrase,” Namjoon stalks towards you, tossing the crumpled letter over his shoulder. “Why did you give me this?”

“The letter explains everything,” Your eyes dart around, both in search of a viable escape and in avoidance of his intensity.

“Sure it does,” He scoffs, his eyes blazing with disbelief. “I want to hear it from you.”

Your back hits the cool glass of the tank behind you. You’re trapped between the contrasting temperatures of the water and Namjoon’s body.

“Joon,” Your voice shakes, “You don’t need me anymore. You’ve done everything I've asked of you and then some. You’re organized. You’re on time. You’re put together. I barely have enough tasks now to fill a day, let alone a week. It’s time to move on.”

“Time to move on?” Namjoon echoes before barking out a humorless laugh, “I don’t need you anymore? That’s really what you think, Star?”

“Don’t call me that.” The nickname snufs out any trace of fight left inside you, and you plead, “Just let me go, Joon.”

“Never,” He growls.

“I don’t understand what you’re not getting,” You sigh, exasperated and drained, “You’ve surpassed my expectations and erased the need for my position. I think the saying ‘the student has become the master’ applies here.”

Namjoon gapes at you before he snaps, “You’re the one who’s not getting it! Have you ever considered that the student might just be in love with the teacher?”

Joon rakes a hand through his hair as you become the one to gape open mouthed at the frustrated man.

He continues, “I wake up earlier every damn day because I can’t wait to see you at work. I organize all of my things because I just want to see you smile at me when you notice. I spend an hour each night picking out what to wear the next day because I want to impress you… Don’t you see? Everything I do is for you, is because of you. I want to be the best version of myself for you.”

Your mind struggles to compute the seemingly impossible notion that the object of your affections returns your love. “Did you,” You gasp out, “Just say that you loved me?”

“Yes, you complete jellyfish! I love you. I am in love with you! And it’s not like it’s not obvious! I call you ‘Star’ because you are my starfish, my sea star. You are the one who keeps the balance to my ecosystem of chaos. You are the key species that keeps everything afloat.”

“And you thought that was obvious?” You yell back at him, “How on earth would I immediately have known the intense analysis behind your nickname for me, Namjoon the science buffoon?” You huff, scrambling to process the amount of information that had just been thrown at you. 

He needed you?

He loved you back? 

He nicknamed you after a fucking marine invertebrate?!

Namjoon blinks in surprise, “Did you just insult me with a Bill Nye pun?” You don’t deign to give him a response. Namjoon chuckles before grinning sheepishly, “Okay, fine. You make a good point.”

“I know I do,” You pout. “You can’t just spring this on me, Joon. Why haven't you told me this before?”

“Because I was nervous that you would leave me, that you wouldn't return my feelings. Obviously, the first point is moot. What about the second?”

“You’re asking if I love you back?” Your body sags against the tank behind you, “How could I not, you crab-loving, walking mess of a—”

Namjoon captures your mouth with his, kissing you with fervor. His hands wind their way up to cradle your face between them like you are the most precious thing to him. 

Pulling back slightly, Namjoon rasps out, “So, you’ll stay?” 

“Hm, I don’t know,” You crack a wry smile, “What’s in it for me?”

“Well, let me show you,” Namjoon replies before whipping his shirt off. You gape open mouthed at the expanse of beautiful tan skin in front of you. 

Was that a hint of a tattoo swirling over his left shoulder?

He reaches down to tug at the hem of your dress, insinuating he wants it off. A nice concept in theory; however, with one look around at your surroundings, you slap his hand away. “Namjoon! Not in front of the fish!”

“But, Star, these aren’t fish! These are squid, and they are classed as cephalopods—”

You put a hand over his mouth, “Allow me to clarify: I will only fuck in a creature-free zone.”

Namjoon murmurs something beneath your palm. You give him a warning look before removing your hand. He immediately repeats himself, “My office?”

Your eyes narrow, “I know for a fact you have at least three crabs in there.”

Namjoon pauses, looking suspiciously shifty, “There are only seven…” 

You wait for it.

“...teen.” He finishes.

“Kim Namjoon!”

Two Years Later

The short walk down the aisle ends too quickly as you find yourself standing in front of a teary-eyed Namjoon. Five of his friends stand behind him in a row, while the sixth stands proudly as the officiant.

They really are out here looking like a whole boy band, you muse. But, you only have eyes for their leader. 

Namjoon stands before you, all tall and handsome in his tux; and as Officiant Jin™ begins the ceremony, you can't help but wonder how you got so lucky.

Finally, the ring exchange is introduced dramatically by Seokjin who spouts something about circles and never ending love. “Let us now have the rings brought forward and presented by the ring-bearer!” He booms, raising his arms up like he is summoning a great force.

Ring-bearer? You rake your mind for a prior mention of a ring-bearer… You thought Yoongi as the best man would have the rings.

Suddenly, Namjoon produces a silver whistle from his pocket and blows it once. You stare at your soon-to-be husband like he has sprouted another head.

And then you hear it: the sound of legs and claws scuttling across the floor towards the altar. 

“Tell me that is not what I think it is,” You whisper-yell over to Namjoon, who looks way too pleased for your liking.

Your fears and exasperations come true as Namjoon swoops down to pick up Carl who has two shiny rings tied to his shell with a ribbon.

“Oh, Kim Namjoon,” You sigh as you watch him remove the rings from Carl and hand the crab off to a disgruntled Taehyung, “What am I going to do with you?”

“You’re going to marry me,” Namjoon grins.

And marry him you did.

a/n: jellyfish have no brains, lolz. idk why making joon call the reader a jellyfish made me crack tf up but IT DID.

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

[werewolf-cl4ws]

Random head cannons for my AU because these require oddly specific questions I don’t think I’ve ever seen ask memes have.

A lot of these I do have something to back them up with, but others it's just logical hilarity to me because I can.

Kitty!Sonic:

- absolutely mistrusts/gets annoyed by anyone that is an "authority figure" (i.e. adults "in charge", leaders, etc) but does nothing to actually be useful. As a kid he was always told to listen to the adults because "they know best", but after the coup and seeing a good number of adults doing everything in their power to just save their own hides or hiding, it fucked him right off. Only adults he’s ever respected were his uncle and Rosie (Rosie took some time to gain that trust though because why the hell is she teaching us maths when people need help???). Bookshire is another but he does fight Bookshire on occasion because Sonic hates fussing with medical stuff.

This carried on into his own adulthood, and it’s hilarious whenever someone points out he’s the adult now as it sets off his aversion to being older, but if he has to be called an adult then damnit he’s gonna be a USEFUL one at least.

And yes he has confirmed on many occasions that he can and will flip off King Acorn if he plays up. What's he gonna do, ground him? Arrest his for treason? He flipped off Robotnik, he ain't scared of no thing.

- his uncle was brilliant with robotics and mechanics and science. Sonic has literally zero idea about any of those. And yet he’s weirdly good at chemistry. But he doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to use this so no one knows this, but Rotor has come by chemistry formulas mysteriously solved if he leaves them out on his workbench after a night of wracking his brains over why something isn’t working. How does Sonic know this? Nobody knows, Sonic will never tell either, and will deny he’s even good at it.

- he’s also very good at physics, in that he knows exactly how to break physics to do impossible shit. He’s great at figuring out just what angles he needs to shoot himself into to get the most air time, how much speed and lift to land in the exact spot, etc. It all happens automatically to him (it has to, going at the speeds he does there’s literally no time to plan this shit) but if someone asks him he will actually figure it out in the spot with freakishly good accuracy, and can do it not just with him being the projectile but any object (he has worked out perfect catapult trajectories before and it still baffles everyone to this day). Again, he doesn’t know how he knows this, will never tell anyone he knows how to do this, and will deny he knows this.

- he’s also good with musical instruments. Obviously his favourite is the electric guitar, but if you give him a sheet of music and at least an hour to mess around with the instrument he’ll work it out. Getting to watch him play the violin is a rare but delightful treat. This is his special interest, the thing he would have gotten into if the world hadn’t gone to shit. He doesn’t get to indulge in it as much as he’s like but he loves music and could ramble about it for hours on end if given the chance.

The con of this though is that he's really good at identifying music, including ones from operas and orchestras. Sally takes great delight in making him identify both because he does get embarrassed about it, but his pride doesn't allow him to just not pick them out.

- he likes to cook, but he prefers recipes that allow him to leave things to cook without him needing to watch it once it’s prepared. So baking, roasting, slow cook stuff like soups and chili, that’s his jam. Anything that’s gonna be a long haul he has to be basically trapped in his hut to do it without wanting to go nuts (so extra cold days where being outside would be hell are good cooking days).

- during the summer he sleeps in a hammock. During the winter he sleeps in a bed and practically buries himself in blankets.

- loves bubblegum. Gum balls, sticks of gum, whatever. If it’s gum he loves it. Unfortunately it is non existent thanks to the coup (shelf life of gum is terrible) so finding any that’s not terrible is an amazing day.

- milk and cookies is oddly a comfort food to him. Something about the simplicity of it just works for him, and ridiculously shit days are made better by it. Default choc chip cookies work best.

- he hates spiders. More specifically, he hates when you see a spider, look away, then look back only to find the spider is gone. Spiders themselves don’t bother him until they do that, but once they do he has to fight himself to not just set whatever building or dwelling he happens to be on fire in order to solve the issue of having to deal with it later.

- he’s about .0001 seconds away from just walking away into the forest and never coming back. He won’t do it because he honestly doesn’t want to abandon his friends… but he’s so close to just becoming a cryptic in the forest. He has wandered off before when things get super annoying, but someone always drags him back, much to his endless frustration.

Sally:

- can’t cook for anything. Sonic has seen her burn water. Toast somehow always ends in fire. No one ever attempt to drink her coffee for your own sake.

And yet somehow she makes really, really good pancakes. Like ridiculously good. She makes them very rarely because she’s always busy with something and has been banned from all kitchens, but when she does they’re amazing and no one can figure out how this happens.

- if she’s snacking on nuts or anything that doesn’t go soggy (like hard/dry fruits, or extra crusty breads) she will sometimes keep some in her cheeks. Not to the point that her cheeks will be bulging with them, but if she’s working while snacking she will just stash some away so she can focus on what she’s doing, and then when she’s done just finishes those off. This only happens when she needs to focus so she’s pretty discreet about this and has perfected talking/quick chewing with them if someone interrupts her.

- she loves video games, but because they’re so hard to come by thanks to the coup she doesn’t get to play as often as she’d like. She knows Sonic, Tails and Rotor has some stashed away and has played them on the sly, which has left them wondering how their high scores got beaten or how new levels have been unlocked. Though she has to be careful about this because if she’s left alone with them long enough she will just play them until either she finishes the game, or someone physically drags her away from it. This is probably her only weak point in terms of something that can just pull her away entirely from everything.

- she is very, very neat… only because she literally doesn’t make a mess of anything thanks to her one-track mind. If she’s working on a plan or something that needs a lot of research she will basically just make a pathway to her desk and bed and leave everything else undisturbed. She will still shower, only because the shower is just another place for her to think without interruption. This is a big factor on why she can’t cook for shit, too. She just… doesn’t. At all. Because she’s gotta work. Work is life because they may literally die if she can’t figure plans out

- she is genuinely fascinated by legends and myths, which we see a lot of in SatAM. Although she does sometimes dismiss some legends or myths as just stories, if she finds anything that even hints at it being real, and if time allows it, she will chase it down. If it’s anything that might be especially useful in their fight she will go for it after doing a ton of research to make sure she’s got every angle and possibility down. The researching to that extent is due to her own perfectionism, but also because if the expedition turns out to be a bust it could mean time that should have been spent on something else/time being away from the village for a crapshoot.

Sonic and Sally as a couple:

- they don’t use pet names for one another… until one of them is absolutely pushing their luck with the other. Pet names = stop it.

- Sally did once call Sonic a shit-weasel out of anger during such a scenario, and then was immediately apologetic for it because that was Too Far™. Sonic said that made him fall in love with her all over again and it was an awesome insult. Pet names are still a no-go though.

- they live together and everyone thinks it’s Sonic that would be the nightmare to live with.

It’s not.

It’s Sally.

Sonic does get messy and likes to live in organised chaos, but Sally just has the worst sleeping habits (she doesn’t sleep), functions mostly on auto-pilot (the amount of times she eats the last of something but leaves the box it came in/was stored in for Sonic to find drives him up the wall something shocking all because she’s just vaguely thinking "I need food I suppose" alongside whatever she’s doing at the time), and if she’s working on something big she will spread herself everywhere (including Sonic’s bed if he isn’t in it or on it in some way).

Sonic won’t move out because he genuinely thinks if he did Sally would never sleep at proper hours or eat like a regular person unless he monitors her. Plus they actually really do like each other’s company and do miss one another if they aren’t in the same space in their down time. But Sonic is constantly amazed at just how much of a gremlin Sally can be and no one believes him.

- Sally takes great delight in this and amps up her gremlin behaviour because of it. If she does this in front of anyone else it just gets encouraged. It’s okay though because Sonic knows how to be a bastard so it’s a constant battle of who can out bastard or out gremlin who.

- they sleep separately (see aforementioned sleeping habits of gremlin ground squirrel), but on occasion will share a bed. Or share the couch. Sharing will almost always result in Sonic being used as a pillow/mattress but he’s fine with it, as long as it means Sally’s sleeping and they get to cuddle ‘cause cuddling is great.

- Sally loves puns. Sonic has begged her not to say puns. He secretly loves them but he hates that he gets them (temporarily forgetting your own language, then relearning it is a trip and picking up the puns does things to his head). Sally does not stop the puns. This has led to Sonic almost achieving his goal of becoming a forest cryptic as he does just start walking out when she starts.

- this is kinda canon but I like to joke that they are actually legally married and this happened during their zone-hopping adventures. But the marriage itself happened in the most mundane way for the most mundane reason, and yet it is legally binding and they do actually have wedding rings from it. They don’t wear the rings but they do carry it on their person at all times, and pull them out just to blindside people with them because it’s funny.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

TATMILB, CHAPTER 3

Penelope spent her life writing love letters, which didn’t seem like a terrible idea until the letters were mailed out and Schneider received one of them. Hoping to fool their exes, they agree to fake a relationship. But are they lying to everyone around them, or to themselves? aka my To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before-inspired AU.

Penelope x Schneider, ODAAT. available on ao3 with extra author’s notes.

Chapter 3: Penelope tries to bond with Alex during movie night; he and Lydia bring the family’s donations to Goodwill. Schneider returns from vacation and confronts Penelope. She panics.

While Schneider was away with Nikki over the weekend, Penelope splurged on a trip to the movies--luring Alex with the promise of food he didn’t have to sneak in.

She was trying to focus on silver linings instead of her anxieties about Elena, and the upsides included her new availability for Alex. Twice as much parent to go around could only lead to more bonding, right?

He had lobbied for an R-rated comedy, which she was definitely not willing to pay for. On her own, she would’ve headed right for the newest Bradley Cooper drama, but no amount of chocolate could convince Alex to sit through that.

So they compromised on an action movie--which would have the added benefit of covering up the sound of her soda later. Agreeing to buy concessions for Alex didn’t make her a different person. Her discount snacks were better than their overpriced junk, anyway.

He grinned at her over his bucket of popcorn while they waited for the lights to go down, and she considered her bribery a success. See, she could be the cool mom. Even if she had Raisinets in her cargo pants.

“Hey, Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still miss Max?”

Where did that come from? The question hurt, mostly because it was so unexpected. With Max exiting her life right before Lydia’s stroke, neither Alex or Elena had mentioned him much in the last year. They’d all had other things on their minds.

She let the pain pass by before she answered.

“Yes, Papito, I still do. It’s hard to let go of people you love. Sometimes, a part of you misses them even after you’ve moved on.”

He nodded, sipping his soda.

“Do you think you’ll start dating again anytime soon?”

That question was even more out of character for her son, whose world had been so often self-centered since he first came into it.

Penelope narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you suddenly so interested in my dating life?”

“I was just wondering.”

”Well, I’m having fun the way things are. You and me, catching a movie on a Friday night, mother and son time with Elena away. Why would I want to date when I could be doing this?”

She grabbed a handful of popcorn and caught the way he cringed. Or flinched. Whatever it was, there was guilt there. Her mom radar went up.

“Alex, what is it? Is something going on?”

“It’s nothing!” He assured her in a rush. “It’s just...I kind of--did have a date.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. You wanted to go out together, so I rain checked it with Chloe for next weekend. But I mean, let’s be real, Mom. This can’t last forever. I’ll go off to college too, or modeling school, whatever, and then who will you hang out with?”

The trailers started playing, just in time, letting her wallow until the movie started.

Penelope couldn’t keep the sadness off her face as she watched Alex settle in with his snacks. He was growing up so fast on her. Too fast. And Elena was practically out of the house already.

She didn’t want to date just to avoid being alone, but hearing that concern from her teenage son? Ouch. So much for being the cool mom.

Now Penelope was glad that they’d picked an action flick. She was ready to watch some stuff blow up.

****

Alex emerged from his room the next morning waving his phone at her.

“Mom, that was the third text I’ve gotten from Elena since she left reminding us to take that stuff to Goodwill.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Penelope replied. 

She was almost out the door, but her son had the luxury of sleeping in on Saturdays until baseball season started. He was taking full advantage of it.

“Seriously, she woke me up--and I need my beauty rest. She’s not gonna stop bugging me until you drop it off.”

“Alex...” Penelope shrugged into her coat, kissing her Mami on the cheek in thanks for the quick cafecito she had substituted for breakfast. “It’s all boxed up, we finished it before she left; it’ll get there.”

“I’m just saying, she’s gonna start texting you next, and I don’t think you’ll enjoy the lectures any more than I do.”

“Well, I’ve got plans with Jill today--and I’m about to be late. Mami?” She raised hopeful eyebrows in Lydia’s direction.

“Hmm?”

“Can you go with Alex to the Goodwill donation dropoff? I won’t be back until dinner.”

“Si, Lupita. Go have fun with your friend, we will handle it.” 

“Great. Thanks. The things I’m getting rid of are in my room, next to the closet.”

“You know, this would be much easier if Schneider had not taken his girlfriend on a vacation.” Lydia frowned. “He could carry much bigger boxes than myself or Papito.”

“Hey, I can lift heavy stuff,” Alex protested. 

“Yes, but you should not have to! You should save your strength for wooing your future wife.” Lydia patted his face.

“Luckily for us--and Alex’s future wife--none of the boxes are all that heavy,” Penelope said. “And there aren’t too many of them. Now, I really have to go. I’ll see you both tonight.”

****

Absorbed in work and school, Penelope didn’t give their Goodwill donations another thought until Tuesday, on her way out of the hospital. The two boxes she’d packed in her room were gone, concluding that chore.

Or so she thought.

Penelope was  digging in her purse for her keys when she saw Schneider striding her way. “Oh, hey! I thought you were gonna be off the grid with Nikki for another couple of days.”

“No, that trip is kind of...over. That whole thing is kind of over.” 

“Again?”

Hurt crossed Schneider’s face before he buried it. He was really good at that, she’d learned--mostly from moments when she was the one hurting him. Way to go, Penelope. 

“I mean, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“Eh, I will be. Eventually. It’s not like we were engaged, right?”

Schneider shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here, though. Nikki may have dumped me for one of the jock dads at St. Bibiana’s, but that doesn’t mean I think you and I should blur the lines on the rebound.”

She stared at the creased blue paper he held up as he continued.

“Not that I’m not flattered, obviously. You’re the most badass woman I know, an amazing mom, anybody would be lucky to--”

Penelope’s field of vision narrowed to the letter in his hand, a letter that she definitely recognized. She didn’t hear the rest of his sentence. She could only hear her heart pounding in her ears, making her wonder if she was about to pass out there, next to her car.

How did Schneider get that? What was happening right now?

“I found it slipped under my door when I got home. And honestly, Pen, if you needed to tell me this stuff, you could have just done it in person--we’ve had enough late night chats that nothing’s really off limits at this point.”

She took a deep breath, trying to focus on a technique that worked for her during panic attacks and after nightmares. Since the moment felt like an actual waking nightmare, slowly counting backwards didn’t help much. He was still there. Waiting.

“Schneider, that letter--it’s not what it looks like, I swear. I don’t want to date you. At all. I wrote it because...”

She was still trying to find the words to explain something much too complicated for a parking lot when she saw motion past Schneider’s left shoulder.

Max was exiting the hospital and heading straight for them, holding a bright white envelope in one hand.

It didn’t take a genius to know what he was coming over to say.

Which was good, because Penelope’s mind was not exactly in top condition. It was already a five-alarm fire up in there, and every part of her was screaming I cannot deal with this.

In the fraction of a second she had to consider her options, Penelope acknowledged that the mature response would be to face it now--to explain the situation to her ex-boyfriend and her best friend at the same time.

Or, she decided, as she felt both men’s eyes on her and her palms started to sweat...she could do literally anything else.

Going with her first impulse, Penelope reached up and grabbed Schneider’s shirt with both hands, pulling him toward her. Before Max could get one step closer, she kissed Schneider like her life depended on it.

She couldn’t have explained to anybody why kissing Schneider seemed like a better idea than letting Max think she was still pining over him. Right then, she just needed Max to stay back. To leave them alone. 

Did it work? She wondered. She couldn’t check without breaking off the kiss, but the silence seemed promising.

Of course, the quiet only emphasized the situation she was now in. She was kissing Schneider. She was in a hospital parking lot, a few yards away from her ex-boyfriend, kissing Schneider. 

Pressed against her, Schneider didn’t react. Not after the initial moment, or several more. He let her kiss him, but he didn’t kiss back. And that was fine, Penelope told herself. That was better.

“Thank you,” she said when she let Schneider go. He stood there, flushed and baffled, looking at her like he had never seen her before. 

Though confusion was written all over his face, Schneider nodded. “You’re...welcome?”

Penelope wasn’t willing to push her luck any further. She couldn’t avoid the embarrassment forever, but at least she had managed to postpone it until she got home. She needed time to figure this out.

Without another word, and without glancing back to where Max was probably still holding his own letter, she got into her car and drove home.

****

Her reprieve was brief, not that she’d expected any different. She caught the aroma of dinner as soon as she walked through the door, and barely had time to praise her Mami’s cooking before Schneider arrived.

“Oh, good, Schneider, you are home from your vacación,” Lydia said. “I made enough for you to join us, just in case.”

“Hey,” Alex added from his spot at the table. “You’re back early, right?”

“Yeah, Nikki and I broke up.”

Schneider offered that explanation to Alex, but he was looking at Penelope. She shook her head in response, hoping the tiny movement would go unnoticed by the others. Hoping that Schneider would understand. Not now. Not in front of the family. Please.

His shoulders tensed where he stood, like her silent plea was a blow he had to absorb. But when he finally looked away from her, smiling at Lydia and taking his seat, Penelope knew he would let it go for now. “So you can see why I needed a nice, comforting family dinner this evening.”

“Oh, pobrecito Schneider,” Lydia said, patting his back before she sat down across from him. “You can do better.”

They were waiting for her to settle into her place at the table, but Penelope couldn’t join them until she knew for sure. She headed for her bedroom, straight to the spot where her army duffel would be. 

Or where it used to be.

“Mami?” She returned to the table and sat, trying to sound calm. “What happened to my duffel bag?”

“I don’t know,” Lydia said, pouring herself some rum as though her daughter’s world wasn’t spinning out of control in front of her. “Where did you see it last?”

“I keep it in my closet,” Penelope snapped back. “It’s been there for years. Where did I see it last,” she added in a mutter.

“You do not need to take that tone with me,” her Mami scolded her. “I did not touch your ratty old bag. I do not know where it is.”

“Well, I know I didn’t move it, and it’s gone. So can anybody explain to me how it up and disappeared?”

Lydia thought it over. “I suppose...if it was in your closet...it might be at the Goodwill.”

She clamped down even harder on her temper. “Why would it be at the Goodwill?” 

“As I said, Lupita, I have done nothing wrong. But your boxes were next to the closet. So if it is missing, that may be why.”

“It was just an old duffel bag, right, Mom?” Alex was halfway through his dinner, but he couldn’t ignore the tension in the room. “You can get a new one.”

“Not everything’s replaceable, Alex. That old bag had a lot of memories attached.” She picked up her fork and tried to focus on her food while her mind reeled. It also had five incredibly personal love letters tucked into the inside pocket. Letters she’d never wanted their subjects to read.

Now Max knew she never got over him, and wanted him back. God, after more than a year, how pathetic he must think she was. 

And that didn’t begin to address the other letters. How long until those came back to haunt her, too? What about the man currently watching her while he ate, pretending that he wasn’t? How could she possibly explain any of this to Schneider?

She stabbed at her salad, lost in thought until she was done eating. 

Worried she might snap at him next, even Schneider was quiet during the meal. The scraping of utensils against dishes filled the silence until Penelope cleared her plate and went to her bedroom.

Schneider swallowed loudly after Penelope left, but didn’t offer up his usual attempts to paper over the unease that lingered behind her. 

Instead it was Lydia who broke the silence. “Lupe hasn’t used any of her old bags in years. I do not understand why she is so upset about this one.”

“Maybe she’s going through menopause,” Alex offered up.

Schneider’s fork clattered loudly onto his plate. 

Lydia shook her head. “No, that can’t be the problem, Papito. She is far too young.”

“It can start between the ages of 40 and 50,” Alex argued, ignoring the way Schneider was gaping at him. “Mom’s just inside the window.”

“This is very inappropriate talk,” Lydia scolded him, standing up to clear the rest of the plates.

“Elena wouldn’t stop lecturing me about it, okay? She wanted me to be ready when it happened in case she was moved out already. You know how she never shuts up.”

Schneider left Alex sitting alone to go find Penelope--normally she would be back out with the family after dinner, but if she was going to try this hard to avoid him, she wasn’t giving him much choice. 

With Lydia at the sink and Alex’s face in his phone already, Schneider doubted the others would even notice him gone. 

He tapped lightly on her door. “Penelope?” 

The long silence wasn’t comforting, but eventually he heard a quiet “Come in” and let himself in. 

“Hey,” he said as he shut the door behind him. “You know, Max seemed just as confused as me, back at the hospital. He just sort of stared at me, once you drove off, for the longest five seconds in history, and then he left without saying anything.”

“Yeah?” Penelope was looking at the floor more than him, but he could tell she was listening.

“Yeah. I think he wanted to talk to you too. Which made me even more confused. What’s going on?”

A brisk rap on the door sounded before it opened--not giving either of them time to respond. 

“Mami.”

“It’s time for dessert,” Lydia told them. “What are you two doing in here?”

Penelope ignored the gossipy insinuation in her tone--she knew better than anyone that it was her Mami’s way of hoping something interesting was about to happen, whether it actually was or not. “We were talking about dessert, actually. I was asking Schneider if he wanted to go with me to get ice cream.”

She raised her eyebrows, hoping he would follow her lead. “What do you say? Dessert run?”

Whatever he was thinking, or feeling, Schneider kept it to himself. “Sure, Pen. Sounds good. My treat.”

“Oh, Schneider, you are such a generous man,” Lydia told him with a hand on his arm--laying it on a little thick even by her usual standards. 

“Mami, calm down. It’s ice cream, not new shoes.”

“Lydia, did you want new shoes?” Schneider perked up, and Penelope grabbed him by the arm to pull him past her mom before they could get any ideas. 

“She doesn’t need you to buy her shoes. Let’s go.”

Penelope rushed him to the door with one hand on his back, nudging him forward as she opened it.

She was in such a hurry, she almost shoved him directly into Ben--who was standing on the other side, hand raised to knock. 

“Oh, hey, Penelope. Is this a bad time?”

[vintage-brass-tc]

4/30/2021

On Friday, a marching band event was held at M’s new school for all the band kids. This was one of the many meetings to prepare for the busy year ahead of us, including the sessions I mentioned in the past couple of months. This one happened to be about our choreography!

I’ll get right into it. Let the highlights commence.

||||||||||||||||||||||||

I never found direct instructions on getting to the room we were set to go in, so I roamed the clearing when I entered, guided by the different people standing at certain checkpoints in the hallways. I reached a certain spot in one hall and there was a door blocking one of its directions. My gut told me to maneuver through it, but I didn’t, instead listening to the hall guy’s instructions.

Soon enough, I made it.

I walked into the auditorium, pretty confused as to why we would be placed there. I was very obviously puzzled when I then entered the room and realized. Not only were there like…only fifteen kids inside the area, but by some coincidence, W was there too. I was led to the wrong place.

W was already looking at me prior to we had made eye contact. He tilted his head to his left and furrowed his eyebrows at my arrival. I mirrored his movements, being just as baffled as he was. He then began to walk around the occupied chairs he stood behind.

He strode over to me and stopped around 8 inches away. He then leaned towards my face, making his usual serious eye contact. “Are you here for marching band?” His face was full of curiosity. “Yes, marching band.” I replied. I attempted to stay calm under his piercing gaze, which was always hard, as much as I’ve seen it before.

“I thought so,” he stated, “I’ll walk you there.” Without any wait whatsoever, he began p to move briskly up the wooden stairs of the auditorium. I speed-walked behind him. With quick strides, he glided through the backstage area. His quick footsteps reverberated throughout the room, followed by my rushed ones as I jogged to catch up with him.

I finally made it right behind him before we exited the room and we walked together in silence, which was accompanied by the taps of our shoes on the thick floor beneath us. I decided I wouldn’t leave him hanging. “Thank you for helping, W,” I said to him, genuinely. “Mmhm!” He hummed happily.

Soon we arrived at the starting destination.

“And here’s the band hall!” He exclaimed, beaming, as we entered. “Uhhh...” I felt my face flush slightly with embarrassment as I looked around. The room was empty, minus the four or five staff members present inside it. He froze for two seconds, slightly stunned. “I guess they already left.” He said.

“Haha, yeah.” I responded to him and chuckled after muttering to myself, “of COURSE they did.” Luckily, after our little moment of humiliation, we weren’t left hanging for a while. A lady went up and offered to lead me to where the marching band was. Of course, I gratefully took up that offer.

“And I’ll follow YOU (this time)!” He said in an upbeat tone of voice. “Hehe, alright!” I giggled. I shot my head back to smile at him, and he was already smiling. He moved with an adorable bouncy walk too while he trailed behind us.

We all walked for a little bit before the girl began some small talk about what instrument I played and whatnot. W parted from our little group at some point during the awkward conversation.

~~

“And through this door here...” she told me.

Funnily enough, it was the other side of the door that I had the gut urge to pass earlier. I suppose my ignorance led me to seeing W though, so it wasn’t all that bad. The lady smiled and I passed through the now un-propped open door while she held it for me.

“Thank you.” I told her in a quiet voice. She responded with a smile before softly shutting the door. I turned to look around the room, which was a gymnasium. Groups of people were either at the front or the sides of the room, chatting amongst themselves.

While I stood, a friend in my section greeted me joyfully, told me where to put my stuff down, and all that jazz. I placed my mildly translucent water bottle, hair-tie, sunglasses, and phone down on the flat, open seat-like area on the wall. In hindsight, I probably didn’t need the sunglasses or hair tie, but oh well. Bless the great indoors!

After I carefully pushed my gray sweater off of me, I noticed that all of the kids were beginning to gather on their spots at the front, so I followed suit. We soon stood in a formation of neat rows and columns after some slight controversy on who should stand where in line. After that, the rehearsal began.

~~

I didn’t see M at first when I walked in, but soon my eyes were gifted with the sight of his presence. Soon enough, he started to speak into his microphone. His voice and appearance is always better in person than it is in my head. ❤️

I believe he greeted us and thanked us for coming out to join him, but briefly due to a time crunch. He then let the choreographer introduce himself. While the guy talked and gave us a starter, M leaned on the wall.

I took this time to take in his outfit, and thank goodness I did. M looked great. All I’ll say to avoid being super specific is that he wore a hat as usual, and a long-sleeved baby blue shirt.

Fast forward during some preparation on posture and terms to remember, we began our first lesson in our dancing: A quick instruction on tendus. Soon after starting to demonstrate them, the choreographer told the front few rows to get low so the back could see what was going on.

He presented to everyone how they would shift their weight correctly and point our inner leg out in front of us while we did this. We then learned the correct way to lift that leg off the ground on each side and did some reps on those. Yada yada.

As the repetitions progressed, I noticed that M began to record the class. I figured he would use this footage for the future in case we had to learn these again in class. At 2-3 points in time, the camera was pointed right at me while I relayed the movements the class was taught. And it wasn’t even for a second. It was more like 8-15 seconds, give or take.

One of the times, I snuck a long glance at the camera, and then at him. He met my eyes while he was taping and stared into them with a pensive and interested look. His luminous dark brown eyes shone as a puppy’s would when begging for scraps.

I felt a light smile begin to tug at my lips as I looked into his eyes for a moment longer. I then focused back on the task at hand while he did his thing. He soon started panning the device to his left, and stopped taping (for now) after 6 seconds or so afterwards.

I would like to repeat that this happened at least 2-3 times, each during different reps...HDHGGHDYGS. I feel helpful. Just hoping my face wasn’t that red in the footage.

~~

After this fiasco, we were being taught how to bend one leg and glide the other across the floor in a circular motion without bending it. I’m not quite sure what the term was for this exercise (I think we called it a bend?), but it was pretty fun!

At some point during the leader’s examples and explanations, M walked near me. When I saw him in the corner of my eye, I internally flipped out. I felt his body give off some heat, which traveled smoothly from him to me. I felt my heart-rate begin to increase at the contact, and my eyes widened a little bit as well.

My head twisted somewhat to the left so I could get a better look at him. He was about 5 inches to the left and a foot behind me, and he stood still, now facing the front, while he held his phone up.

A second and a half later, he sat down quickly yet softly right where he was standing.And when I heard that? I swear I could feel my pupils dilate because HOOOH, I was beyond happy.

I shifted my body and hand’s position on the ground so I would appear more vertical and orderly. This way, he would get a better shot of the instructor without my hair or something being in the way.

He sat there for a good while as he got the footage, then stood up a little bit before we were off to begin attempting the movements. The excitement never left inside me. I was smiling that whole time.

~~

Boom, first water break!

All the kids cheered and started chatting while they went to grab their stuff.

As the others spoke, I looked over at him. He was smiling, confused and attempting to do a tendu while the instructor guy watched. He wasn’t great at it, but the sight made me feel even more relaxed than I had felt before, since it reassured me he wasn’t perfect at everything.

After some more chatting between the people in my section, we were called over to get back into practicing. When we came back, we learned what a passé was and how to do it. Again, while everyone’s eyes were fixed on the dancer in front of us, I felt some warm air hit my back as I sat on the ground. This breeze was accompanied by the sound of shoes hitting the floor.

He strolled slowly behind me once again, unknowingly teasing me with our closer proximity, along with the scent I so dearly loved that more noticeably lingered around him. The amount of time he took and how close he was when he moved near me leads me to believe his actions weren’t entirely unconscious.

After the slow trail, he came to a stop in the same place as before, to the left and just slightly behind me, only about three inches from my side. He then moved a little closer and sat down right next to me, just avoiding the touch of our knees.

We were seriously that close.

I adjusted myself just as I did last time, so I wasn’t too close to him to make him uncomfortable, although I did allow my body to lean juuuust a little bit near him. He didn’t seem to mind too much.

My mind began to spin a little as his cologne engulfed me, the mask I had on failing to block it, and I closed my eyes to take in the atmosphere.

How warm he felt compared to the room around me.

How his breathing was barely audible, yet so comforting.

How the aura he set out put me in a sense of calm, as if I was protected.

How just the mere presence of him right beside myself put me at ease.

I opened my eyes and didn’t even try to fight the smile already planted on my features when I turned my head to the left. I looked at his face, which was fixed on the instructor, but it had a twinge of softness as well. It may have been my imagination, but I believe he was smiling a little bit too.

Being here, coexisting with him felt so natural to me, and I surprisingly kept my composure the whole time.

Because my head was already rotated, I casually tuned in to the directions while watching the movements being taped on his phone. He probably noticed my attention because, again, he was grinning, and he seemed very content as well.

Interrupting our silent moment, his phone displayed the ‘10% battery remaining’ icon, which almost made me laugh. He dismissed the warning without a second thought against it and continued recording.

I looked back at the real choreographer, and not too long later we were told to stand up. This time, he remained on the ground. I stood up, leaning on my left hand at first, so for a quick moment I was moving my body towards him. Despite this, I got up as cleanly as I could just in case I would end up doing something dumb, like falling on him.....or bumping his head with my hip. 😳

He sat there for an extra two seconds before he, himself, got up, beaming. From the little view I got from gazing down at him, the way he sat was just adorable. He reminded me of a child—he looked so young. Younger than I remember at least. <3

~~

The choreographer gave us a speech about how the little things matter and stuff in band especially, just basically something meaningful, and I looked at him during part of it.

He already had his soft eyes set on me.

He nodded slowly at me with a huge grin that caused noticeable dimples, even with the little space the mask was covering. While the encouraging words were spoken, it looked like he was getting emotional. Like was growing closer and closer to crying. Aww. 💕

I allowed my body to cave in slightly and I gave him a timid smile while tilting my head to the right.

The way he looked at me with encouragement was so lovely. His acting was so....personal. So vulnerable. Unlike the tough and dominant demeanor he set out when I had him in the past.

I’m so proud of him.

When the first closer was finished, he gave out his own speech.

“You’re all probably hurting in places you’ve never felt before,” he told us, making us laugh, “and that’s okay!” He then reminded us that we’d have to teach each other these moves, and probably teach him too in the future.

He mentioned that he tried to get footage on the phone to help him as much as he could, but then his phone ran out and he was like *!!!!!* panicking. He said this very expressively, putting his hands out in front of him like he was holding two tennis balls.

Again, I found it so cute that he was being more like himself than ever before in this crowd. He’s way more open than I remember from the past. He used to be more hesitant when it came to showing his weakness.

After those thoughts were out of the way, he spoke with a clear voice, telling us all how the conductor’s statement of ‘the best bands are the best at the smallest details’ spoke to him and represented his usual motto clearly.

He was speaking with so much passion in his voice that I bet everyone could hear it.

||||||||||||||||||||||||

WOW, that was a bunch to unload! I need to stop worrying about including everything so I can get these out sooner and do better stuff with my time. Hopefully this was worth the wait, and if not, oh well! Just finding some time to ramble about stuff that happened with M. 😂❤️

If I begin posting about stuff from this week too, it’s just an excuse to talk about M and W, so you can ignore it. GJDHSJGSA — It’ll only be small things anyway!

Alright, think I’m done here! Have a great weekend everyone, and stay safe. School year’s almost over, so we better make the most of it. :)

[superfanficnatural]

Fact, not Fiction

Well it’s been long enough and I’ve decided to just write this all out so everyone doesn’t have to read a series of reblogs and that they can have all the information in one place. Without further adieu *cracks knuckles* let’s get started.

So this entire story between Beka (Impala-dreamer​) and Vanessa (flamencodiva) is being told one sided, so I’m here to tell the other side and yeah.

Vanessa had unfollowed Beka, not blocked, unfollowed because she didn’t appreciate the way that she did things and who she is as a person. Beka had messaged her asking why and the entire thing was born. 

“I blocked you because you ruined my night, by writing me a 90 page essay on why I’m terrible and called me a Narcissist who only cares about people who kiss my ass.” Now, I want all of you to pay attention to how Beka so expertly framed her message to make her out to be the victim. Vanessa had unfollowed her, not publicly said anything, not messaged her anything because she wanted to keep from conflict and not make it a spectacle. Then, Beka makes a post that includes the above quotation making Vanessa out to be the villain. Beka had asked exactly why Vanessa unfollowed her and she told her why, she didn’t sugarcoat it because if she did, then that would be unfair to Beka. Beka then proceeds to post about it in order to make herself out to be the victim, once again claiming, “You are a very mean, heartless person, and you think the world revolves around you and it does not. Not everyone has to like you.” I had initially made a reblog of that very post including this quote and I had responded with -

 “Please allow me to bring to light a situation that had occurred about a month or two ago. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but you had posted something that required follower interaction and after only a single hour, you had ran to the pond discord server and began complaining about how no one looks at your account and your followers don’t like you. From then on, you had gotten a lot of support from a lot of the writers in the pond. I did not want to say this because of privacy, but the fact that you have given zero privacy to Vanessa with this post, I’ve also decided to shed light on something as well.”

This was one of the many situations and events that Beka had complained about her followers. Unfortunately, I have nothing but my own word along with others that have been subjected to or have witnessed events like these. Constantly, I have found Beka complaining about how one of her fic’s flopped, how her followers don’t interact with her, and how she doesn’t like the drama from Tumblr. I think we can all agree with not liking the drama on Tumblr, but when you yourself are creating that drama, it makes it nothing less than hypocrisy. Throughout the entire post of Beka’s response she never explained anything and only told her side of the story - meaning that she is playing the victim. She expertly weaved her web of deceit and left things out on purpose to gain the support of the public so she can have all of the attention. Another thing both myself and MANY other people agree on is that Beka loves attention, constantly posting about things that make people feel bad and send her messages of encouragement even though the very things she’s complaining about, she has started. Allow me to provide some examples.

The fact that she included her almost getting into “two accidents” already makes everyone feel bad for her, getting roped into her web. The repetition of her saying that she’s the “bad guy” implants into everyone's head that she’s pleading. What else screams out “Guys come support me because everyone is making me out to be the bad guy.” Maybe you really are the bad guy, ever thought about that? The “she” that she is referring to is Vanessa and I don’t think I can find a single example of her “terrorism” ever. Oh do you mean when she “terrorizes” other writers by reblogging their stuff with encouraging messages? Is she “terrorizing” her friends when she tags them in a funny gif set? If so wow, she really does terrorize people, you’re right! 

This really made me laugh out loud.

Let me start off by reminding all of you that Vanessa is also considered a “big blog” so you going after her for doing everything you have listed here is wrong, but when you do it, you’re allowed to complain about it? Let me also direct your attention over to the hashtag, “I’m out” The sheer amount of times I have witnessed Beka hashtag something with “I’m out” is abysmal. It’s another technique she uses to get people to message her going “oh no please don’t leave!” And what makes me know that for a fact is that every single time she says that she’s “out” I see her responding to asks from people sending encouraging messages. I’m really fed up about it and I just want to share it with all of you who might not be aware of all of these things so you don’t blindly follow and defend her. I used to follow her myself, but when I realized all of these things, I separated myself from that negativity and attention seeking. 

The second I had made my initial reblog, Beka had blocked me even though I had said nothing negative and only shed light on something. That shows that she’s trying to cover it up so her image doesn’t get tarnaged. Does this not show how desperate she is to play victim? In this entire little post, she didn’t address a single thing that anyone had responded with and instead found more things to complain about, once again leaving things out to keep her status as the victim. 

Now, some people might take what I’m about to say as insensitive but I’m really only stating the facts because I am not appeased by Beka’s self victimization. 

#fine if you want me dead, ...who said that they wanted you dead? I apologize but I don’t remember a single person saying that. This is yet ANOTHER way she is trying to get people to go “Oh no! Don’t think like that! Don’t listen to the haters!” It really baffles me how good she is at playing the victim but also at how ridiculous her antics are.

Another thing I want to add in is a post that Beka had made however many months ago talking about how the “SPN Family” was becoming negative and toxic. 

Now to be honest, I think that we can all agree with this at least somewhat and I was actually proud of Beka for writing and posting this. That is, until she made it ALL about herself again.

The second that post was posted, many people tried to spread positivity and love to a lot of others by tagging all of their friends and saying that they are grateful for them and that they love them. Beka then posted the picture above. That’s when I knew she really hadn’t changed at all. She’s proving herself that she just wanted attention in that post by saying “Beka who?” Meaning that she wanted everyone to go to either her DM’s, the comment section, or her asks to send words of encouragement as ALWAYS. 

The reason this is so long is because if I simply claimed that Beka was an attention seeker, it wouldn’t make sense to have no evidence or even just a single piece of evidence. So I’ve provided many, and trust me, there are more.

This entire thing is simply to educate everyone who is either involved or is curious in the current situation, even though it seems like a diss, it’s really me just exposing Beka with facts, not fiction. 

Since Beka deleted my reblog off of her page, I’ll just paste what I said here.

This entire situation really disheartens me.

Let me start off with the fact that Vanessa (flamencodiva) has DELETED her account because of this.

The fact that you came after her for wanting to be Tumblr famous is really wrong and allow me to explain why it is. Vanessa is a close friend of mine and I talk to her almost every single day. She is THE most selfless person I have ever met and is always trying to make others happy even if it makes her sad. She constantly reblogs everyone’s writing to encourage new and upcoming writers, and writers who have been around for a while to spread POSITIVITY. She has never once complained about notes, likes, or follows so I genuinely want to know why you felt the need to say she wants to be Tumblr famous. The only reason she went on anon for that message is because you blocked her so she had no other way of contacting you about why you had blocked her. 

She had privately messaged you to keep this between the two of you but you decided to turn it public, which doesn’t make her the victim, it makes YOU the victim. Right now, everyone who have seen this post knows YOUR side of the story but not hers. Yes, she comes across aggressive, but that’s only if you give her a good reason because you had upset either her or one of her friends which she cherishes. 

“You are a very mean, heartless person, and you think the world revolves around you and it does not. Not everyone has to like you”

Please allow me to bring to light a situation that had occurred about a month or two ago. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but you had posted something that required follower interaction and after only a single hour, you had ran to the pond discord server and began complaining about how no one looks at your account and your followers don’t like you. From then on, you had gotten a lot of support from a lot of the writers in the pond. 

I did not want to say this because of privacy, but the fact that you have given zero privacy to Vanessa with this post, I’ve also decided to shed light on something as well.

Her deleting her account ABSOLUTELY discredits your argument of her wanting to be famous because now she has no account, no followers, no fics, nothing.

I’m not writing all of this to create more conflict, only to further educate a lot of the people reblogging this and supporting Beka and being extremely negative to Vanessa right now. I personally have unfollowed you for personal reasons but I have not blocked you because I do not deem it necessary and I do not encourage negativity. This post really just oozes negativity and self victimization so I had decided to throw in my ten cents. You can come after me for this or not it’s really up to you but I did not write this with the intent to attack or diss, only to educate. Have a nice day everyone ❤

[moonmoon2102]

A trade is a trade [MoonSun; Post-apocalyptic AU]

Uh... hi?

How are you doing? I hope you’re all healthy!

Part 3 is still on hold as I am incredibly stuck. I’m sincerely sorry about that. I am trying my best to continue because for me, I also want to finish part 3. Until I’m able to do so, here’s a little something for you to read :)

I’m also working on a lot of different AUs, so I write whatever comes to my mind. I won’t post them here since it’s explicit stuff but if I ever find the courage to upload anything on AFF, I may post the link here.

As always: To whoever is taking the time to read this: Thank you and enjoy :)

The tension was so thick Yongsun was sure she would be able to cut it with a knife if she tried. While the leader of the foreign camp was visibly tensed, Byulyi's posture was surprisingly relaxed, evident by the way she had her hands dug into her pockets. Perhaps another way to show she didn't mean any harm.

 "W-where's the medical supplies you promised?" the man asked, Yongsun noticed his voice shaking.

 "All here in the bag," Byulyi calmly replied, "the food?"

 "I want to see the bag!"

 "I promise there's everything you asked for. Our camp keeps their end of the bargain. How about yours?"

 The man gradually became even more agitated, shifting from one leg to the other, glancing behind him to look at two men he had brought with him for back-up.

 "O-of course we have the food. Why... why wouldn't we?" he replied and laughed in a nervous manner.

 "Look, let's both meet in the middle. We can take a look at the goods and then swap if that's what makes you feel more at ease."

 "I uh... a-alright..."

 Byulyi held her hand out towards Yongsun who handed her the small bag with the medical supplies. The dark haired woman nodded at Yong's whispered be careful before she moved to stand where they just agreed on.

 The man followed, the way his hands shook not gone unnoticed by Byulyi. She knew something wasn't quite right. Once he was close enough he reached for the bag in Byulyi's hands who caught his wrist, staring him dead in the eye.

 "Don't do anything stupid. No sudden movements," she hissed, letting go of his wrist to move her hand towards the left side of her chest, tapping it twice with her index finger.

 The other camp leader understood the silent prompt, eyes widening as he could see a red laser dot hovering just above the spot Byulyi had shown him.

 "My sniper is able to shoot off a squirrel's nuts from a fifty miles distance so you better not have any hidden agenda," the dark haired woman warned, "see it as a safety measure. If you suddenly decide to fuck me over."

 The man visibly gulped and nodded to show he understood, glancing at the laser on his chest once more.

 "Now that this is settled," Byulyi opened the bag, letting him take a look inside, "here's what you asked for. Every single bit."

 Byulyi's counterpart let out a low whistle, nodding in approval, albeit not able to hide his surprise that Byulyi had stayed true to her word.

 "You've seen the supplies, I've done my part. It's your turn."

 He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. He was hiding something. "Y-you know... there may be... a problem with the food I promised you."

 Byulyi raised her eyebrows. "What kind of problem? You said there wouldn't be."

 "T-that was before I... checked the supplies... I have... barely any left to feed my own people."

 "You do realize that's gonna minimize the amount of medical supplies you're getting, right?"

 "I... the thing is---"

 Before he could finish his sentence, the bushes behind him rustled which made Byulyi's hand shoot down towards her gun, ready to draw if necessary.

Her eyes widened as a small boy, not older than probably eight, stumbled out from his hiding, running over to cling onto the man's leg. She quickly lifted her right hand to signal Wheein to hold fire and for a moment she was glad her sniper wasn’t one to have a nervous trigger finger.

 "Papa... when can we go? I've been waiting for ages!"

 "Myung!! Didn't I tell you to wait?!"

 "You're bringing a child to a trade?! Are you out if your mind?! What if raiders showed up?! Do you even know how irresponsible that is?!" Byulyi growled, not caring if she crossed the line by berating the man.

 "He's my son! I couldn't leave him at the camp! My wife... is sick, she's the one I need the antibiotics for, she's got an infection and... and," he rambled, "I don't trust others to look after him! Please... don't hurt him!"

 Byulyi looked over her shoulder to see Yongsun having her hands clasped over her mouth. The dark haired woman sighed, slowly squatting down to look at the boy who hid behind his father's leg. She lifted her hand to signal his father she wouldn't hurt him as she saw him open his mouth.

 "Hey... Myung, right?" she softly said and smiled, "your mommy is sick?"

 She watched the little boy nod.

 "And you want her to get better, right?"

 He nodded again.

 "You're a brave little boy for coming all the way out here," Byulyi noted, "you want to help your mama too?"

 "Papa... papa said... we're gonna... get medicine for mama..." Myung answered, obviously not scared of Byulyi.

 'She seems to have a way with children...' Yongsun thought to herself as she watched Byulyi interact with the child. She couldn't quite put her finger on why but somehow this discovery made her heart swell.

 "Listen, Myung. Can I send you off to an important mission?" Byulyi asked, well aware of the father's eyes resting on her, hand ready to draw his weapon.

 "A mission?"

 Byulyi nodded and handed him the bag, "take this to your mother, okay? Don't lose it and keep your eyes on it. All the way back, you hear me?"

  She waited for his response which came with a firm nod.

 "There are pills, white round ones, in there. Make sure you give her one each day until you see the sun rise for the seventh time, including today. Can you do that?"

 "Yes!" Myung looked up at his father, "papa, this lady is nice!"

 Byulyi chuckled and straightened herself, looking at the camp leader who just stared back with his mouth agape.

 "Make sure she drinks enough and keep the wound clean, change the bandages every day."

 With that Byulyi turned, about to walk off when the man stopped her.

 "W-wait..." the camp leader said, holding up the bag in his hand, "a trade is a trade."

 The dark haired woman looked at him and took the bag, rummaging through it to take out four cans of beans, along with two packages of noodles before handing the bag back to him, leaving him with a baffled expression.

 "Keep the rest," she simply stated, walking towards Yong who carried an equally surprised expression.

 "But I thought... your camp members---"

 "We are hungry but that doesn't mean we're heartless. Rather than taking from others what they need too, we should share. What kind of human being would I be to take the last bits of food your camp has left?"

 Byulyi could feel Yongsun's hand slip into hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

 "I... thank you! I owe you!" the other camp leader said, his voice sincere, "I'll never forget that!"

 "Take your kid and leave; you've got a sick wife to tend to."

 The couple watched the group disappear into the woods. Both listened intently as they waited for an indication they had left for sure; the confirmation came in the form of a car engine rumbling to life and the sound of screeching wheels.

 When the dark haired woman turned towards Yongsun, she didn't expect to be met with a pair of lips pressing onto hers.

 "W-what was that for?" Byulyi asked once they broke apart.

 "Because you, Moon Byulyi, are the most noble person I have ever met," Yongsun confessed, cupping Byulyi's cheeks to pull her into another kiss.

And with that we wrap up “A trade is a trade” It’s a bit all over the place but I do plan on tying that one into later events of this AU; I’ll have to see how it would work out. Once again, thank you for reading. I appreciate you’ve taken some of your time to do so :) Stay safe and healthy!

[theexecutionerssong]

It’s recap of the end of the year party time (with pics)! under the cut because I ramble a lot as usual. 

First they gave us SKAM France pillows when we got there so we could sit as comfortably as possible on the floor of the venue. There were about 400 people and it was a tight fit! While we were waiting, they played songs from s3 and 4, everyone was already getting emotional.

The afternoon started with speeches from the execs and David as usual before getting the cast on stage - Assa, Coline, Lula, Maxence, Philippine, Théo, Léo, Robin, Gigi, Moussa, Edouard, Aliénor and later Laïs who was late - and then they showed us a tribute video with iconic scenes of season 3 and 4, in which they included tweets and fanarts by the fans, like testimonies, reactions, etc, everyone was a mess of tears after that.

Then David asked every member of the cast how had their lives changed because of Skam. I filmed this part, link to the video is in the source at the bottom of this post. David hadn’t warned them they would have to answer that question so they weren’t prepared and many got emotional - poor Maxence who went first was a mess. Niels finally got here so he was asked the same question, Antonio too and David answered his own question. A lot of thank yous were exchanged and I’m sorry not sorry about my sniffling in the background of the video but I can’t see people cry and not cry too. The overall message was that they are all proud of what they have done because they can see what an impact the series had just by seeing us in front of them half crying half smiling, as well as with the overwhelming amount of messages they’ve been receiving for months. I really loved what David said about refusing programs that don’t show diversity, that we should stand our ground on this and say no to programs with only white characters or straight couples. That they told one story, but we can and should tell all the others.

Then the crew was called on stage, Jérémy and the editing team to talk a bit, before they showed us the bloopers. That’s when I stopped filming, the room was in the dark anyway and you all saw the bloopers on Youtube by now. Assa tried to leave the stage completely and hide ahah. The cast hadn’t seen them before and there must have been some inside jokes going on because they would laugh WAY LOUDER than us at some stuff. Maxence got so shy about the “I’m ticklish Daviiid” part while everyone was so fond :’) there were a few fond headshakes at Axel’s laughing too.

Then we played a game, a fan would go against one member of the cast and the first to answer the question would win the point. The questions were about the 4 seasons and David called actors who weren’t necessarily in the season just to check if they had paid attention / watched it at all but we DESTROYED THEM. We won so easily, it was hilarious. They got 4 questions right first. The questions ranged from who was Emma dressed as at the halloween party in s1 to what day and exact time did the trailer for s3 dropped. Theo is the worst loser in history, Lula is SO COMPETITIVE, Moussa tried to intimidate the fan that went against him and Coline tried to take her mic, while Niels got his question right and literally jumped in the air, he scared me sdfghjklkj. I was really into it so I didn’t film. But here are a few pics - I haven’t posted them anywhere else so DO NOT repost them. Please.

Then there was a little Q&A, questions were about if they had watched other remakes, why is Arthur’s ig on private and Maxence’s role in The House Of Gaunt - can’t believe there’s going to be a screening at the Grand Rex, I’m so fucking proud, this is HUGE!!!! I filmed parts of this too but not everything because it was questions we had heard before.

We took a lil break to drink and get a bit of fresh air after that before coming back inside. Laïs and Assa were on stage in the dark - keep in my mind we hadn’t seen Laïs before then so we were like ???? IS THAT LAIS?? When did he get here, what’s happening? - and they danced. Beautiful, adorable, show stopping, spectacular, emotional, out of this world. David teased Laïs for being late and asked him the same question about how Skam changed his life or not. I filmed all that. 

David then called a fan on stage to share her story. Skam France saved her life. Really. It was extremely emotional. She was so strong, despite shaking so bad. We kept asking that they gave her a hug but David, Niels, Assa and Laïs who were on stage said they would hug her only once she was done talking. They wanted to let her say everything she had to say. Lots, lots of tears then. Niels took Assa under his arm because she was trying hard to keep it together for the fan’s sake. They gave her the biggest, tightest hug when she was done. I didn’t film because it was almost too personal, y’know? Sure she went on stage but her story still feels private, so I felt wrong about filming. I took a few pics though.

Then there was the concert! Coline was singing and playing the piano and guitar, while Léo and Edouard were playing the guitar and the bass. Lula and Gigi joined for the harmonies during Get Lucky and Remember. They sang Get Lucky by the Daft Punk, Fête de Trop by Eddy de Pretto (featured in s3), Unknown by Jacob Banks (featured in s4), Remember by Seinabo Sey and Jacob Banks (featured in s3) and an original song called Menthe à l’eau inspired by Demi Lovato’s overdose (Coline is a big fan). Most of the cast was standing/kneeling to the side of stage to watch and then you had Maxence right in the middle of the fans, hyping the crowd and jumping around. I didn’t film more than my ig stories because my hands were shaking too much but I’ve posted a few pics before, have some again

And then came the last goodbyes with everyone on stage, including cast and crew and I filmed all that. We were all holding our breaths for a potential announcement but they only said thank you, we love you, we’ll be in touch. I could barely hold my camera. And then Zina by Babylone, the music from the last clip of s4 started playing and Coline melted into Maxence arms crying, Assa was holding back tears, they all started hugging and then leaving the stage one by one, the lights went up and we all looked at each others like…  so this is it uh. We were not fairing very well, let me tell you. Fans were hugging and drying each other’s tears, I was hugged so tight by people I didn’t even know two months ago and it was just… It was a lot of love. So much love.

Before going outside, they gave us a poster signed by the cast. I stayed in the lobby a bit to look at the BTS pictures I posted before. There was a stand thingy where we could take pics with the Skam Logo and quotes. Maxence saw fans were taking pics there and just jumped in the middle to photobomb them azedfghjk 

We then went outside to talk with the cast and crew for a while but the security whisked them away quite quickly so we didn’t have that much time. We had maybe 30 minutes outside with everyone. I went around to take pics and thank them a last time. I’ve posted most of those already.

Niels, David, Jérémy, Coline, Robin, Moussa and Gigi stayed longer, I don’t know why the security didn’t asked them to leave. I had a chat with Jérémy that I want to share because it really struck me. He was wondering if it was true that Skam France was the only remake that does this kind of event. He was so surprised, because and I quote “but how can we not give back just a little bit when you give us so much? I’m just the editor, and you’re here talking with me.” According to him, it’s a feeling shared by everyone in the cast and crew, no matter their role on the show, fans are always happy to see them and talk and ask questions, and they are deeply appreciative of that. Not just the actor, but the crew too. He was extremely grateful and appreciative. And I loved that, because it’s so true, they don’t have to. I’m not saying they other remakes should do this. I’m seeing that I’m baffled the Skam France team considers this normal. They didn’t have to do all this, the screenings, the party. It was for us. Because they don’t know how to thank us.

I took the bus home while holding the pillow they gave us against my chest, not a care in the wolrd about who would see me. I was completely emotionally drained, but happy, and thankful for this amazing cast and crew, all the love that kept pouring out of everywhere during the afternoon. They gave us so much. I saw people on Tumblr and Twitter who were disappointed that they weren’t announcements or more bts content but… this was a party for the fans, a way to celebrate the success of seasons 3 and 4, the only way they found to tell us thank you. It wasn’t a press conference. It was magical. So many smiles. So much laughter. Such tight hugs. It was way more than enough for me.

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

YouTube video views

I've been thinking about my YouTube videos. I actually have two YouTube channels which I've been keeping very separate. One of them is for videos about books and writing, which includes serious writing advice, interviews with other authors, and things like that. I've only had this channel for about a year and it’s still small, with only a handful of videos and subscribers. The other is a channel I've had for years where I post fan videos of stuff. I used to post loads more videos but my creations have become a lot more sporadic over recent years because Real Life.

On that fan video channel, I've been trying to work out a pattern for the videos that do best, because the videos with the most views are not my best videos. So here is me taking a critical look at my videos to try and get to the bottom of why some YouTube videos are more successful than others.

1st Place: Once a Ranger, Always a Ranger, 378,002

The video that has the most views at 378,002 last time I checked is a Power Rangers video called Once a Ranger, Always a Ranger. The song is When Your A Jet from the musical West Side Story, which is a little... odd as a choice. As videos go, it's okay. The video clips fit the lyrics and there are no obvious slip ups like stray frames being left in. There's a slightly clunky bit of dialogue in the middle that doesn't transition well to the rest of the video and the title at the end is a touch crude, but I can look back at this and smile instead of cringe. It doesn't do anything particularly clever but it's fine. I made it in 2007 so it's had 13 years to gain viewers, which would make sense, and at the time I posted it I was very active on a Power Rangers forum so I probably posted links on there and got some viewers that way.

I think the main reason this video has done so well though is because a Power Rangers anniversary episode came out later with the same name, so I suspect a lot of the views are people who were looking for that episode and clicked my silly, little video instead. I expect the 23 dislikes were a result of this. The average view time according to the analytics is 35 seconds, which combined with the general lack of interaction suggests that people click on it, realise it isn't what they want, and click away.

2nd Place: Trailer: Am I Perfect Yet? 211,239

My next highest view count video is Trailer: Am I Perfect Yet? This is a trailer I made for an original story I was working on. I took clips from a bunch of different films and TV shows and stuck them together in a way that formed a trailer for my own story. In terms of quality, the biggest thing I notice rewatching it is that it jumps between different aspect ratios. Some of the film clips are generally in widescreen, but the made from TV films and TV show clips aren't, so it jumps constantly between them. There are also cuts between scenes from different things that are supposed to be in the same place, but the lighting is so clearly different. But on the other hand, it does what I intended it to do. It gets across the points for the story the way a trailer should. Looking at this, it makes me want to dig out the half-written first draft of the novel and see if it's worth continuing to write the thing.

In terms of why this video has so many views, I think it's because this was the pinned video on my channel for a long time. I pinned it while I was actively working on the story and then I just didn't change it for ages, probably years. So anyone going to my channel would have seen this video first.

3rd Place: Trailer: The Forgotten Power, 165,144

The next videos are a bit more of a mystery. Coming in third is a trailer for a Power Rangers fanfic I wrote. The fanfic is probably still up on fanfiction.net if anyone cares enough to hunt for it and I did include links to the trailer videos when I posted the fic, so I guess that would have brought people to it.

As far as videos go, it's not good. Some of the clips are badly cut out so there's a random frame from another scene that sneaks in. I put audio clips over video clips in a way that's really obvious and bad. The audio is jumpy.

I'm ashamed that this is my third most viewed video because it is definitely not a great example of my video editing skill. I know that it's over 13 years old, so I should cut myself some slack, but if someone sorts my videos by views to look for the best ones they'll find this instead of any of the much, much better ones I made later.

4th Place: Blood on my Hands - Jayden/Deker 150,740

Another Power Rangers video, this one a little bit more recent. This one I published in June 2011. My skills obviously came a long way in those 4 years. It's just a lot less clunky. The clips flow together a bit more smoothly. I have included some dialogue but these sections are during instrumental-only parts of the song and I've layered the audio a lot better than in the previous video. It gets a little bit repetitive because there were only a limited amount of scenes with these two characters together but I don't think I reused any exact shots.

Overall, it's a decent little video but I'm not sure why it's so high on the list. I don't have any explanation for why this one has done so much better than other videos I've made.

5th Place: Teaser Trailer: The Deal, 115,548

This was another fanfic trailer but for a fanfic I never actually posted anywhere. It's a short video, only a minute and a half long, teasing a story I never got far enough into to start putting online. I posted this video near the end of 2011 and like the one above, the years between it and some of the earlier ones of this list were clearly filled with a lot of improvement, but the success of this little video is baffling to me. It's fine as a piece of video editing but it's not great as a trailer because it doesn't give much of an indication about the fic. It's clearly meant to tease people and get them excited about the story I was working on... and never did anything with.

But why does this one have more than a hundred thousand views? It's not that it was linked to a fic because the fic was never posted anywhere to link back to it. I do not understand why this video has done so much better than others.

Videos 6 - 10

That was the last video with more than a hundred thousand views. The next view range between 60k and 90k. Two more general Power Rangers videos, one more Power Rangers fanfic trailer, A Perfect Body fan video, and a Firefly/Serenity fan video. The most recent of these was the Firefly video posted in 2009.

Is there a pattern?

It's obvious that most of my highest viewed videos are older ones. I can only assume that this is because the older videos have had more time to build up views. If I look for videos I've posted in the last five years, the first one I find is I Choose You a Class fanvid featuring the Charlie and Matteusz ship published in 2017. This has a respectable 39k views putting it in 17th place on my list but it's surrounded in the list by videos posted between 2007 and 2011.

The next one published in the last 5 years is a Teen Wolf video Heroes published in May 2015, with 19k views, in 25th place.

If I sort by date, most of the videos at the top of the list have a few hundred views, but there's an interesting pattern here. Videos for White Collar, Class, and Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency do better than my Marvel videos. A lot better. Is it to do with the size of the fandom? There are loads of people making videos for Marvel movies so my poor Stucky video is down at 157 views unable to get noticed while not many people are making Dirk Gently videos so my Panto/Silas one has 3055.

But that can't be the only thing. I published a bunch of Voltron videos within a few weeks of each other in October 2016. The Shiro video I Will Remain has 847 views while Make a Man Out of You has 17k, and the Pidge video Robbed of Her Innocence that I was really proud of only has 953 views. So published time and fandom can't be the answers to the mystery because these are all the same fandom published within weeks of each other.

Conclusion

I have no friggin' clue why some of my videos do so much better than others. This makes no sense whatsoever. I give up. I'm just going to post whatever random stuff I come up with and some will magically do better than others with no pattern or logic.

And if you’re going to look at my fan videos, don’t sort by views because the most viewed videos are far from my best work.

[bookish-nerd9]

At Long Last: Chapter 3

Shit, shit, shit, shit, i’m late, i’m soo fucking late Neil though.

“Maaaaaaaatt hurry up i need the bathroom, go do your ridiculous hair routine at Dan’s” Neil shouted.

“Damn Neil don’t insult my hair routine, and what’s soo important that you’re rushing me through it?”

“I told you I’m late!!” Neil answered exasperated as he pushed past Matt into the bathroom.

“Late for what?!”

“That guy that monitors the dorm came by two nights ago and he saw the kitten so i made a deal with him that i will touter him in maths and in return he won’t report about it, and thanks to you now I’m late and if he calls of the deal and the kitten is taken i will fucking kill you!.”

“Okay first off you need to name the damn kitten you can’t just keep calling him “kitten”, and secondly do you mean Andrew Minyard, as in you made a deal with Andrew Minyard!!”

“He has a name and it’s kitten, besides if you don’t like it why don’t you come up with a name, and yes i made a deal with him I’m not sure about his last name but his first name is Andrew”

“I won’t name him because it’s not mine I don’t even like it you’re the one who bought it......” at that Neil rolled his eyes, it wasn’t the first time they had that argument and yet each night when he came back he found kitten safely sleeping on Matt’s chest.

“Wait are you serious!! You actually made a deal with Andrew Minyard.” Neil could tell that Matt was standing now outside the bathroom door and couldn’t get what the big deal was.

“Yes, i said i did what is wrong with that?!” Neil said as he yanked the bathroom door open and headed for his room to pack.

“You mean you don’t know the infamous Andrew Minyard.”

“Well I don’t personally know him but i’ve heard about him.”

“And yet you made a deal with him!” Matt exclaimed clearly amused.

“Yes i did to save our cat so you can just shut it.” Nail yelled as he stormed out of their room.

“Well it’s not my caaat!” Matt yelled back.

Neil was jittery, yes he was running late but that’s not it. Something about Andrew made him actually excited and looking forward to this deal.

The next day after Andrew came to their room and still hadn’t texted Neil on when they would meet Neil got really anxious and his patience was wearing thin.

He couldn’t focus on his homework and kept pacing up and down his room that he almost ran a trail on the rug, kept checking his phone which earned him weird looks from Matt because Neil rarely remembers that he even owns a phone, and finally he almost considered skipping practice and this though has never crossed his mind in all his life which was a testament to his anxious state.

Practice didn’t help that day he was distracted and no amount of drills could get him to focus and that made Kevin furious with him and by their third fight Neil decided to leave and go for a run that always helps him.

Half an hour in his run Neil started to relax and focus solely on regulating his breath when a text alert jarred him, checking his phone it read “tomorrow at 4 in the library don’t be late or the deal’s off.”

Neil stopped in his tracks, breathless, excited, and kinda dizzy. “Okay, it’s happening don’t panic it’s cool, it’s nothing actually we’re just studying just don’t ruin it” he told himself.

Now he was actually headed to the library to meet with Andrew however being late didn’t stop him from grabbing coffee on his way.

“I know i know i know I’m late sorry, Matt was hogging the bathroom and......and you don’t care” Neil finished as he saw the impassive look on Andrew’s face.

“Well i bought coffee”

“Is it sweet?”

“Umm no, I don’t really drink it with sugar so i got yours black too, sorry” Neil said weakly

“Stop saying that”

“Saying what?”

“Sorry, stop saying sorry.”

“Yeah okay sure, should we get started?”

This wasn’t going well, at all, Neil didn’t know if Andrew was angry about him being late or about the black coffee, or if Andrew was even angry at all and that impassive look still on his face was because he just couldn’t care less, it was impossible to get a read on him and Neil was getting anxious again.

An hour into the tutoring session Neil started to be at ease, they started with some basics and even though Andrew didn’t utter a single word that impassive look was replaced with an intent focused look instead and Neil took that as a good sign.

After two hours Neil got up to stretch his legs and starting walking around their desk, “How are you soo good at this?” Andrew asked stopping Neil in his track.

“At what?”

“This maths and teaching it.”

“I don’t know i guess it just makes sense to me.”

“Maths makes sense to you?!” Andrew asked with a hint of disbelief in his voice.

“Well yeah, it’s just rules and equations it’s constant so it makes sense, it’s calming in a way.”

At that Andrew just raised his eyebrows and didn’t say anything else.

“Okay!, we don’t have much left to go through for today about fifteen minutes or so.”

“We’ll go over them tomorrow, i need to eat.” Andrew said as he gathered his things and started to leave, leaving a baffled Neil behind him.

“I’m not waiting for you are you coming or not?!”

“Umm....yeah, yes right behind you.” Neil hurried after Andrew a bit pleased with himself.

“So where are we going?” He asked as they stepped out of the library.

“A Waffle House thirty minutes away from here, get in.” Andrew gestured to a black sleek Maserati car.

“Is that your?!”

“No, we’re stealing it.” Andrew deadpanned

“Damn how can you afford this.”

“Are you getting in or am i going to leave you here?” Andrew asked already bored.

“Fine, fine I’m getting in.”

As soon as Neil closed his door Andrew flew with the car leaving Neil holding on to his door. With the way Andrew drove it took them only fifteen minutes to reach the Waffle House and Neil couldn’t be happier to get out off it.

The Waffle House wasn’t fancy and packed as the ones around the campus, this one was a small almost deserted place with a broken neon sign. Andrew headed for it without a backwards glance towards Neil who followed him silently.

As soon as Andrew opened the door a strong smell of fresh baked waffles greeted Neil and he swore to himself that it wasn’t like anything he’s ever smelled before.

The Waffle Houses around the campus smelled nothing like this they had a stale kind of smell around them that meant that the waffles they served are most definitely not fresh while here you can smell the freshness of the waffles and taste them before they reach your mouth.

They settled in the furthest booth in the place, looking down at the menu Neil found that they’ve managed to include every possible combination of toppings and flavors that anyone can think off, it was confusing to choose as he wanted to try everything.

A young waitress came to take their order as she saw Andrew she beamed and asked him if he wanted his usual, he gave her a nod, when she turned on Neil she smiled sweetly at him, “I’ll just have the regular waffles with chocolate syrup on the side please.”

“Great, you're order will be ready in fifteen minutes.” With that she gathered the menus and left.

“This is a nice place, how did you know about it?”

One, two, three, four blinks was all Neil got in response, he got the feeling that Andrew was bracing himself for something he just didn’t know what it was.

“Was driving around, came across it, tried it, the end.”

“Okay, ummm... so that Maserati how did you afford it?”

At that Andrew leaned forward on the table with a look of clear mischief in his eyes, Neil was kinda startled but intrigued as well.

“How about this, for every question you ask i get a question in return.” Andrew finally said.

“So like a game we each take turns asking questions!”

“Exactly like a game.” Andrew said with a smile plastered on his face that didn’t really reach his eyes.

Neil was speared from answering as the waitress came with their orders, Andrew’s was a monstrosity of a plate, it was a heap of different kinds of ice-cream flavors topped with chocolate chips, chocolate and caramel syrup and strawberries, the waffles where no where to be seen but Neil had to assume that they were somewhere under there.

As soon as Neil took his first bite he was certain that that what heaven would feel like “mmmmmmm, this is soo good!!” He moaned, when he looked at Andrew there was a strange look on his face that he couldn’t quite decipher, “how’s yours?!” He asked but before he could answer Neil’s phone rang and as he fished it out of his pocket and saw the caller he swore

“I know I’m late, I’m on my way.” He said as soon as he picked up then immediately hung up on the caller, “I gotta go, I’m late for practice and Kevin will have my head on a spike, how much do i owe you?”

“Never mind, come i will drive you.” Andrew answered as he threw a couple of dollars on the table and headed out with Neil behind him.

“You really don’t have to, you probably have other stuff to do”

“Get in the car Josten”

The ride back was silent but it was a relaxing kind of silence, Neil really didn’t get the concept of “awkward silence”, it’s like how can silence be awkward it’s just silence.

When they arrived and Neil got out Andrew stayed in the car, “you’re not coming?” Neil asked

“No, if i got in I won’t be able to get Kevin to back off without punching him.”

“Yeah, sure okay” Neil said defeated.

“I will text you when to meet again and next time don’t you dare be late!” Andrew said, raised to fingers to his forehead and gave Neil a mock salute and drove away.

Neil really couldn’t wipe off that stupid grin from his face and no amount of yelling from Kevin did it either.

Here is chapter 2

[timeisacephalopod]

Action

Have uh, some random Peter Q/ Tony thing in which Tony is Tony and Peter is a movie director.

“You,” Peter says, pointing at the hottie with the coffee. Everyone is going to hate his guts but they can all deal. He knows what he’s doing, its why people love his shit. “Want to be a cool space vagabond in a movie?”

Hottie with the Coffee stares at him for a long moment, clearly trying to determine if he’s serious. “Do you even know if I can act?” he asks.

Nope but he’s got a feeling and his feelings always end well except that one time he worked with Ronan and nearly ruined his career that movie was so bad but then he bounced back with some heartfelt Oscar winning daddy issues shit people loved so. He’s good. “You can probably act, lets go,” he says, walking off fully expecting his new casting choice to follow him.

*

Yeah, okay. This isn’t where Tony thought he’d spend his summer but he’s not complaining either. “I thought only rich kids could end up directors,” he says. He knows a few, they’re all shit but Peter is excellent. Fucking insane but excellent nonetheless. Really likes improv, which means his actors have to be good at it. Lucky him Tony happens to be great with a witty one liner.

“Yeah, that’s pretty true. I robbed the tits out of rich people all over California to raise money to make a movie. It ended up being a smash hit success and it put me in demand a little. People came to me to do a couple things, I proved myself a little more, and now I get regular work. None of the show pilots I’ve written have been picked up but I still get stupid amounts of money for writing them so whatever. Movies are more my thing anyway,” he says. “Gamora, move the lights a little to do that thing!” he yells across the set.

Gamora immediately begins moving the lights around and explaining what’s needed to the rest of the lighting crew. That’s not unusual for Peter, handing out some weird instructions and expecting people to get it. You get used to it working for him. “That’s a great backstory, you should make a movie about it,” Tony tells him, laughing.

“Thought about it but I already write a bunch of self insert characters, figured there was no need to do more of it,” he says. “Besides, sci-fi has always been where I wanted to be.”

“Usually you do drama,” Tony says and Peter raises an eyebrow.

“You did your research,” he says and Tony nods. “Yeah. Got stuck in it for a bit, not really that unusual for writers, getting stuck writing one genre in the industry forever. But I got a few people to take a chance on me and now I’m a proven genre jumper so I get a bunch of different shit. Except horror, I can’t write that to save my life. Always ends up horror comedy.”

Tony nods, “but people loved Black Lagoon,” he points out.

“People are dumb, that movie was hot garbage. The only redeemable thing was the fact that the fans started shipping the creature with the fish man from The Shape of Water and that was hilarious,” he says.

“Yeah, I’ve seen the art. So what exactly drew you to me anyway?” he asks because he’s been dying to know.

Peter shrugs, “your hot.” Tony raises an eyebrow. “No really, that’s it. I mean yeah, also you’re ridiculously expressive and carry yourself in a unique way that’s interesting to watch but mostly you’re hot.”

So it was the way he carried himself, interesting. Not really what he’d been expecting, all things considered.

*

Gamora looks amused, “and the rumor mill has started,” she says, handing her phone off to Peter. He grabs it and rolls his eyes at the TMZ article headline claiming he’s shacking up with Tony but its Tony’s response that catches his attention.

#CanNeitherConfirmNorDeny

More than that the tweet has gone viral. Obviously its a joke, Peter knows that, but he had no idea Tony had such a large and active Twitter base that’s now all interested in his movie for no other reason than Tony being attached to it.

“Bitch, what the fuck? How is this guy a one man marketing campaign?” he asks the screen more than Gamora.

“Probably because he’s already famous, idiot. You do know he’s the son of a billionaire and a genius who’s been in the public eye for years, right?” she asks and no he didn’t know that.

“Well shit, I knew that feeling I had was for a good reason,” he says. Suck it execs.

“Peter he’s well known for being difficult and an asshole, plus he has a history of addiction,” she says. “The fact that none of this seems to be a problem for you is a miracle.”

“Is not, its because I had a good feeling and he looks great on camera. His eyes are unique,” he says and Gamora rolls her eyes.

“Stop hiring people because you think they’re hot, its weird and creepy.”

“I hired you because you’re hot,” he lies and Gamora rolls her eyes.

“You hired me because we worked a job together and you know I’m good with tech. You hired Drax because you think he’s hot,” she says.

“Did not. I hired Drax because he’s a big ass dude and I didn’t know how to say no in the face of all those muscles. I hired Rocket because I thought he was hot.”

Gamora wrinkles his nose, “he looks like a rat.”

“He’s striking, don’t be rude.”

“If you find rats striking,” she mumbles.

“I think rats are very cute and you’re being a dick. Rats are good, Gamora.”

*

Peter considers Tony for a moment, head tilted to the side. “Okay, yeah, Nebs- Fast and Furious but for all those gay guys and women out there. Feel up Tony’s sexy space booty with the camera,” Peter tells her.

The younger Peter who follows Older Peter around with the clip board gives him a funny look. “Don’t be creepy,” he says.

Older Peter frowns at him, “what? Women deal with it all the time and I, personally, have been victimized by the lack of men’s space booties on TV. Its equality,” he says and Tony snorts.

“What, do you want me to bend over too?” he asks, amused.

“Can you work that naturally into the scene?” he asks and Nebula laughs behind the camera.

Mini Peter smacks Older Peter, “don’t be weird! Don’t do that,” he tells Tony and for some reason Peter allows it. Weird, considering he’s laid back but not afraid to tell someone off if they step on his toes.

“Its this your kid?” Tony asks, squinting at him. There’s a resemblance, sure, with the slightly curly dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Beyond that they look nothing alike.

“Yes,” Older Peter says at the same time Mini Peter says, “no.”

They exchange a look. “No he’s just like my son, I adopted him three movies ago and we’re feeling up Tony’s space booty. This will vindicate every man who’s been attracted to me ever and also women. Straight dudes are officially the minority here and don’t we make movies to please the majority?” he asks Mini Peter, who rolls his eyes.

“That is a totally twisted take on that argument.”

“So is every take on that argument. Space. Booty. Feel it up,” he says.

Tony rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “You’re ridiculous,” he tells Peter.

“Look, just be lucky I didn’t include the original sex scene with an A'askavariian,” he says like anyone knows what that is.

“I’m not fucking an alien. Feel my ass up all you want with the camera, but I draw the line at alien fucking,” Tony tells him.

“Yeah, I got told that was uh. Not appealing to the public and hello, Del Toro had that woman fuck a fish man. Monster fucking is palatable to the public, my editors are just dicks,” he says.

“Peter, A'askavariians have tentacles and needles for teeth,” Mini Peter says, baffled.

Tony wrinkles his nose. “Yeah I know you thought the ass thing was creepy but the alien thing is worse so can we get back to my ass?” he asks.

“Hell yeah, sounds good. Nebula, I assume you know how to work that thing,” Peter says, waving a hand around. “Do stuff. Wait, action,” he says, forgetting fifty percent of the relevant words to his job spontaneously. Not unusual for Peter.

Mini Peter looks horrified.

*

Peter looks like hell, probably, if the rumors are true, because he’s been up all night looking over footage and consulting Rocket for edits later. The guy’s process is a fucking mess. “You should probably sleep,” Tony tells him, bumping shoulders with him. “Today’s going to be a long ass day.” The scene they’re shooting is like ten minutes, which doesn’t sound like a lot but it is when its all stunts and action that looks ridiculous without the CGI to make it look like things are actually exploding. Right now there’s a lot of green screens, sticks with tennis balls on them, and people running around in morph suits.

“Yeah, I’m not leaving anyone else in charge. I have a really specific vision for this and sure I’ve got a good team but also I don’t trust a single one of those assholes,” he says and Tony laughs.

“Will this be more or less painful knowing that you’re tired as hell?” Tony asks. Because some people get nicer and some people turn into massive assholes when step deprived.

Peter looks him over, “for you? Probably a good thing. I assume actors are having as bad a day as I am given that I end up making the poor bastards go through like thirty five takes of one scene. Everyone else? Not so good. I mean I’m a total dick, but shit Gamora knows how lights work why are they like that?” he asks, clearly finding some type of problem and he takes off to go deal with it, leaving Tony to ponder what today will hold.

He decides to make light of that Buzzfeed article that recently came out regarding his supposed relationship with Peter instead of worrying about things.

*

Peter finds Tony in the morning after he fucking sleeps because he has questions. “You, yeah you, what’s with the Twitter speculation?” he asks, catching Tony with a croissant in his mouth looking confused. “You know, about our non relationship,” he adds.

Tony snorts and pulls the food from his mouth. “That? Good marketing gimmick, people love stupid gossip like that. Figured it couldn’t hurt the movie considering your marketing budget is garbage.”

Yeah, true, he spent too much money on music and landed himself in a three week battle over why he needed to blow that much of the budget on music only to win it by pointing out that music often makes movies. Like Halloween without the creepy Micheal Myers theme song? Just some weird guy in a mask following idiot high school students. Sure he gets stabby but its the music that really sells it. Or it did when it first came out, not its just campy to the modern audience. Point is music can make or break a film and yeah sure, he took the money out of marketing but he’s famous enough now that people who know him will go see his shit because they follow his work- built in audience means he can spare marketing dollars.

“Thanks man, appreciate it after three fucking weeks of arguing over that damn budget,” he says, shaking his head.

“To be fair, I’ve heard the music you want paired with the scenes you shot. It’ll sound amazing,” Tony says and finally some appreciation here.

‘Damn right it will. Didn’t think i’d get marketing in the form of celebrity gossip though and when were you going to tell me you’re already famous?” he asks.

Tony laughs, “thought you recognized me but uh, became clear pretty fast that you didn’t so props to you. The last time I ran into someone who didn’t recognize me on sight I was six. Plus I was bored anyway, might as well spend four months on a movie set.”

“Yeah, but I looked you up. Your company has like five new products launching in the next month,” he says. Which is insane given the time and effort that goes into inventing all those things, testing them and he’s been reliably informed by Wikipedia that Tony’s testing process is extensive, and then comes production, marketing, distribution, customer feedback, and then improvements. All of those things on their own is a stupid amount of work, but together plus spending anywhere from ten to eighteen hours a day on a movie set doing random shit? Tony must have the stamina of a robot because keeping up with it all is borderline impossible.

“Half that stuff was already done when I started this and I have an amazing business partner. Honestly most of the credit for all that should go to Pepper. Marketing was all her and she’s a genius at it,” Tony says.

Peter nods because he followed up on the marketing for it. He’s written a few commercials, he knows how difficult it is to run a good marketing campaign when people fucking hate commercials. “You should keep her around forever. She’s way too good a resource to lose when your commercials don’t fucking suck ass,” he says.

Tony snorts, “you don’t have to tell me twice. Pepper is invaluable.”

Maybe he should hire her to run his marketing campaigns. He pretty much hates everyone he has now and in this industry you’re subject to be fired at any moment so he should fire them all and poach Pepper.

*

Tony walks over to Peter and throws himself down beside him, “smile for me,” he says, leaning into Peter’s space and grinning. He snaps a picture of a mostly confused looking Peter and posts it to his Twitter.

“So like. Are you two a thing? Because I don’t know anymore,” Drax says.

“They aren’t,” Mantis tells him. “But its a good method of attaching Peter’s movie to something.”

Drax frowns at her but says nothing. Tony raises an eyebrow and Peter shrugs, “Mantis is never wrong about stuff like that. She’s like... freakishly good at reading people.”

“Oh you’ll end up together but you’re not together now,” she tells them, not looking up from her tablet. “And Peter, please make sure the boom is not in the shots. I’m tired of editing them out.”

“I thought Rocket did the editing?” Tony asks.

“No, Rocket gets the credit,” Mantis says. “I’m kidding. Mostly. I help.”

“Meaning she’s the only thing that keeps Rocket from spontaneously combusting. She’s almost as good with editing tech as she is with emotions and Rocket needs someone to balance him out.” Yeah, Tony has met Rocket. Guy is wound a little tight and inseparable from that friend of his, Groot. Poor bastard probably has the worst name known to man, Rocket following shortly after. Shit, Mantis isn’t far out from that either.

“Huh. Make my ass look good,” he tells her and Drax’s eyebrows draw together.

“Your ass doesn’t need help to look good,” he says.

“Hey eyeballs off his ass,” he says like he has a right to complain. Everyone currently at the table gives him the same look because he’s a total hypocrite. “What? I told Nebula to feel up his ass with the camera, I didn’t feel up shit,” he points out. “My eyeballs were focused on that one fucky light.”

Tony snorts, “yeah, okay.”

“Don’t look at me like that, its true,” he says. “I maintain that until I’ve felt up Tony’s ass no one can give me the looks you’re all giving me.”

“I mean, if that willing,” Tony tells him and the look on Peter’s face is hilarious.

“Are you willing? Because I may actually have dreams about this.”

Drax shakes his head, throwing his fork at his food. “And people say I need to learn how to be less blunt. At least I’m not ruining people’s meals with admissions to sex dreams,” he mumbles, picking himself up and walking away.

*

Rhodey looks down at the article in his lap. “Is there truth to any of this?” he asks and Pepper looks up, leaning out of her desk to see what he’s reading before sighing. She doesn’t even need to speak for him to know what’s going on.

“You know how Tony is, he’ll get bored of Peter once they aren’t spending as much time together. Its a fling,” she tells him.

Which is why, three months later, Rhodey is annoyed to be standing in front of Peter fucking Quill, guy who is absolutely not good enough for his best friend. Tony looks hopeful, like he thinks Rhodey will like this pasty ass cornfed fucker when that’s so not going to happen.

“Let me be clear- I don’t like you. You look like someone stuffed you with some low quality hay, shoved a stick up your ass, and stuck you in a cornfield in Missouri until you managed to come to life, pulled that stick out of your ass, and walked onto a movie set. You’re not good enough for Tony and there is nothing on God’s green earth that will convince me otherwise,” he tells Peter.

“Well, I am from Missouri,” he mumbles.

“Yeah you look like you’re from Missouri,” Rhodey tells him, tone disparaging.

Tony sighs. “Rhodey, he’s great. Really.”

Rhodey squints, “have you watched this man’s movies? He couldn’t write himself out of a paper bag if it was made out of some damn ad libs,” he says and Peter clenches his jaw.

“I’m real upset that you’re coming up with better insults than me,” Peter tells him.

“Rhodey,” Tony tells him. “He’s actually awesome. Give him a break.”

He looks Peter over. “Give him a break? The only thing that needs to be broken here is this ugly ass relationship. Go date Pepper, she’s perfect for you,” he tells him. That is the only person he will accept because Pepper is amazing and treats Tony right. And he’s good for her too, they balance each other out. This shit he’s got going with Knockoff Chris Pratt? Not attractive.

Across the room Pepper looks vindicated.

[slashersteve]

Forgotten Love Letter 💌

pairing: Peter Parker/Gender Neutral Reader

summary: Peter discovers a letter you had intended to give him in freshman year of high school before you started dating.

warnings: mentions of blood 

note: I got inspired by letter writing in numerous fics I’ve been running into and tatbilb ofc 💕 enjoy :)) first imagine ive written in over 2 decades, it’s been sitting in my drafts for that long too- now she’s out here in the world thank u thank u

•••

The school week was officially over, and you could finally relax over the weekend. It had been an exhausting week with numerous amount of homework (it’ll be this way in college get used to it now teachers said or claimed) You still had homework, but it wouldn’t be due until the end of the next week, so Saturday was officially for you.

Your boyfriend of a year had promised you two would hang out at your place and watch a movie, but after his nightly activities. You knew Peter was Spider-man, an internet sensation everyone was crazy about including yourself. The only way you found out is because Peter has never been great at keeping secrets. He saw you on the street one time, and just waved, “Hey (y/n)!” He yelled, completely forgetting he was Spider-Man and not another high school student who can nonchalantly say hi to their significant other. You were hella confused and had awkwardly waved back, recognizing his voice but not quite sure if you heard it right.

It took you all night before you had put two and two together. From those late nights he wouldn’t answer your texts or would answer your text, weird bruises and aches he sometimes had, and his ability to climb through your window despite the fire escape being farther away from your 7th floor bedroom. And his voice. You quickly got to work and went to school the next day wearing custom made Spider-Man gear to see if he catches on that you know and he looked completely touched by the fact you were wearing it.

“Did you- figure it out when I said hi to you?” Peter asked one day underneath the bleachers during lunch before Ned came to join you two. You had smirked and said, “I thought the point of the mask was for people to not know who you are, especially the ones you know.” He blushed of embarrassment and you kissed him on the cheek and said, “Secrets safe with me...” with a wink.

It was after that when Peter would come to you after nearly every night patrol he did, he’d come into your room in the full suit to tell you about his day, what he had done, what kind of crime he fought and other times he’d come when he’s injured. Those were the nights that worried you the most and made you lecture him on being much, much more careful. You didn’t care if he’d heal fast- he’s not invincible.

You hadn’t expected him in early today though, knowing he was spending the entire day with his Aunt May before going on “patrol”. So you spent most your Saturday laying sround, sleeping on and off and texting Peter. Your mom was out all day working and you didn’t expect your dad home till the next morning because he’d just left for the graveyard shift. You were bored out of your mind after every favorite movie was watched and decided to clean up the mess in your room you ignored the past week.

An hour of picking up and vacuuming later, you then decided to organize your closet. That’s when you found it- a medium sized white wooden jewelry box with flower and swan designs on it your mother had gifted to you when you were eight. After putting all your clothes back and some in a box, you sat down on your bed, legs crossed as you wound up the music and then opened the box, the melody of Swan Lake playing the moment you lifted the lid. You smiled at the swan figurine that slowly spun along to the music. A feeling of nostalgia bursted through you as you were reminded of being a child, humming the tune wherever you went and drawing swans randomly. Your eyes shifted to look at the contents inside, letting the music continue to play.

There was anything but jewelry in there, In there was instead a few notes you and your best friend from middle school used to give each other, filled with silly stuff and inside jokes. There was even old letters from a pen pal you had in 5th grade! Her name was Elizabeth and she was from the UK. About a half hour had passed with you reading through them when you eyes caught the light pink, folded paper that was at the very bottom. You picked it up, setting the others aside.

You flipped it around, not remembering what the letter was, what it contained or who it was for right until you saw the name “Peter Parker” with a heart around it. Instantly your eyes widened, the happy nostalgic memories being replaced with the cringey memory of that one afternoon on the bus ride home writing out your feelings for your new friend from Science class. You felt your cheeks heat up at the memory, and slowly small tidbits of what you wrote were coming back to you.

Just as you moved to open it, there was a sudden loud knock on your window. You jumped in your spot, the letter falling from your hand and you turned to see the man himself in his Spider-Man suit, waving at you and pointing at the window asking you to let him in. Instantly you relaxed and quickly shoved the letters back into the box and shut it, the room becoming silent.

Hopping to your feet, you went to unlock the window, saying, “You’re here early did May-“ but your words got caught in your throat when you saw he was cut up and bleeding. He pulled his mask off, his brown locks of short hair sticking up in nearly every direction.

“Peter what the hell!” You cried, gently touching around a bruise on his left cheek and then looking down at his cut up suit to see the damage. It was pretty bad, but he just gave a pained toothy smile that you glared at, already knowing what he was going to say.

“It’ll heal- I dunno about the suit- but ill heal I just need to get kisses from you and lay down for a while and I’ll be better in no time,” he said, pecking your lips then walking passed you. You were baffled as he had one hand over his side and used the other to grab a towel to put over your bed before sitting down on it. You’d honestly never seen him this hurt- you’ve seen bruises, mega painful looking bruises, and few cuts but this was just bad. His suit was cut up. What kind of people did he run into for them to do that? He noticed you staring and sighed, “I know what you’re thinking (y/n), but really I’m okay! You should’ve seen the other guys.” He joked but you crossed your arms not amused.

“Other guys? Looking at how you ended up- I can only assume you killed them,” you said in a serious tone, but he laughed like it was a joke. When he saw you weren’t laughing he let his head fall downwards for a moment.

“Can you not lecture me right now- this really hurts,” he motioned over his wounds and you sighed once more, hands falling to the side as he gave you those puppy dog eyes now. You didn’t say anything as you wandered over to your door and went to retrieve some things to clean his wounds. He may heal pretty fast, but you’ll be damned if he’s going to lay there all bloodied up and in pain. Peter watched you go and pushed himself more onto the bed, before swinging his feet up and knocking over the music box on your bed. He raised a brow, and grabbed it, realizing it was a music box when he saw the wound up in the back. He opened it after twisting it, smiling at the soft tune that began to play out like you had done. He curiously looked at its contents and he would’ve left it alone because it was clearly private if they were in a box, but his eyes caught sight of a “-rker” and when he moved the other papers he saw it was his name. Curiosity got the best of him as he pulled out the pink, folded sheet of paper and laughed softly when he saw it was his name written in your handwriting in the center of a near perfect looking heart.

He glanced at the door to see if you were coming back, and saw you still werent back so he gently opened it, seeing a full page of writing and a date at the top, Peter recognizing the year as freshman year, the year you transferred to Midtown High and the first year you met. He felt his heart warm up as he realized what this was.

It was a love letter.

Dear Peter Parker,

I know we’ve only just met, but every time I’m around you I feel butterflies in my stomach and my heart races 100 beats per minute. You’re very sweet, funny, and really smart and I couldn’t help but feel these feelings for you even if we’ve only known each other for a month or two. Everyday spent with you has been the best days of my life! I came to this school with no friends and dreaded having to have to do a partner project in biology. You were kind enough to sit by me and ask me to work with you. After that, I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with you. I feel silly for writing a letter, but I’m not really good with words and I am not sure you feel the same. I’m currently writing on the bus ride home, hoping to god the person behind me isn’t looking over the seat. I would be so embarrassed! But- I really hope you do feel the same way, I’ll be crushed if you didn’t. Please don’t think I’m a fool for writing this letter

With love,

(y/n)

By the time Peter got to the end, the smile on his lips were so wide. He found this completely touching and adorable because it was dated about 3 months before you two even began to date towards the middle of freshman year. The fact that you already liked him so much before then also made him a bit giddy.

You had just gotten out from your parents bathroom, having been in there a while trying to find the first aid kit. When you walking back down the hall towards your bedroom you stopped when you heard Swan Lake.

“Oh...oh no-“ your heart dropped as you remember what was in that box and you ran into your room, eyes widen when you saw Peter holding the letter in his hands, “What are you doing?!” The music ended on queue and Peter snapped his head in your direction, seeing your horrified expression. You set the first aid kit onto the dresser near the door and reached to take the note away from him but he dodged your hand, “Give it! Please don’t read it! It’s from a year ago please Peter!” You begged, “I don’t even know what’s in it, it’s probably horrible!” Peter hadn’t said anything, just smiling playfully and keeping the note away from you as you leaned over him, still being aware of his injuries. Although he’d forgotten about his own injuries being distracted by your letter. He fell backwards and groaned in pain swinging his legs over the side of your bed. Your eyes widened.

“I already read it by the way,” Peter said, looking up at where you sat next to him, one leg crossed over the other, “I can’t believe you didn’t give it to me! We could’ve been dating way sooner!” You tilted your head, cheeks heating up as you snatched the letter from him and scanned over it quickly.

“Dear god no- this would’ve slowed things down! This is so- so bad,” you claimed and looked back at him with a major cringe on your face. Peter shook his head disagreeing with you, “I barely knew you- are you telling me you wouldn’t of been freaked out by this? It’s kind of stalkerish.”

“Nope!”

You shook your head in disbelief, and looked back down at the paper, embarrassed by the horrible confession of love whereas Peter was grinning like a child next to you.

“It’s cute that you’ve always had a crush on me,” he teased you, you became flushed and began to fold the sides of the paper nervously, “hey, hey why are you so embarrassed? I liked you too you know.” He admitted, pushing himself up now clenching his side lightly. You set the letter down and got the first aid kit.

“I don’t know why I’m so embarrassed,” you admitted as you took the same spot next to him, “We’re literally dating. And I feel like I can’t even look at you.”

“Well- you got what you wanted,” Peter said as he tapped on the spider logo on his, his suit loosing up and falling off his shoulders to reveal the bloody wounds. Normally when he had his shirt off you wouldn’t able to concentrate, no one should let the nerd demeanor throw them off, he was pretty built and it was nice. The wounds were your main focus, along with that embarrassing letter though, there was no time to ogle.

“Oh yeah?” You asked, a smirk on your lips as you got out the supplies, “And what was it I wanted?”

“For me to return your feelings, thus us beginning to date, you got it all!” he explained, wincing when you began to clean around his wounds, “Why did you never give me the letter? It was really sweet...” he said in a strain voice, you pursed your lips together and looked at him.

“I don’t know, I remember coming home that day and just setting it into the music box and never letting it see the light of day again.”

“There must’ve been a- ow,” he closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip and you seized cleaning one of the bigger wounds, looking at him with a sorry look, “a reason!” You licked your lip as you began to think back to that day, and it suddenly hit you. You laughed sadly.

“The next day, I ran into this girl and she was crying. And I asked her what was wrong and she said that she sent a long text to her crush about how much she liked him and he completely ignored her, and that he wouldn’t talk to her,” you explained, Peter frowned, “So as you can tell...that really discouraged me.”

“What a damn jerk,” Peter said raising a brow, “I wouldn’t of done that to you, I mean- look at us now-“

“Me cleaning up your wounds after a year of dating?” You chirped and he smiled fondly.

“Well- we could be doing more!” He teased and wiggled his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes, “Woah! I meant watching a movie together and cuddling! What were you thinking?”

“There will be no cuddling because you’re hurt,” you gestured to his wounds and he scoffed and put out his bottom lip. You continued to clean up in wounds in silence, suppressing that smile on your lips.

When he was all clean and bandaged up, you dug into your extra clothes and handed him a pair of sweatpants and then gave him one of your large sweatshirts you wore in the colder weather. You helped him get it on, pulling the sweatshirt gently over his back and stomach. He wasn’t hiding the fact that it hurt, and you pat the spot next to you.

“Thought we were going to watch a movie,” he said, crawling next to you onto your bed and settling down facing you, propping his head up with his right arm. You shook your head.

“M’ kind of tired,” you mumbled, fluffing your pillow. Peter blinked, and noticed that he was pretty tired too, Aunt May knew he was going over to your place, so sleeping over wouldn’t be the worst thing. He leaned over, catching your lips into a kiss and with a cheeky grin he said, “Thank you for taking care of me (y/n), I don’t know what I’d do without you. Everyday spent with you has been the best days of my life and I can’t wait for more!” Your eyes widen and you flicked him in the shoulder as he laughed loudly, falling into his back. You nuzzled your head into his arm, not wanting to lay on him due to his injuries.

“Everything in that letter was true by the way, Peter.” You said, closing your eyes. Peters eyes were already closed, but there was a smile on lips before both of you fell asleep.

[imagine-loki]

Unofferable

TITLE: Unofferable

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 10, Magic AUTHOR: unofferable-fic ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Frigga bringing you to Asgard as a child after finding you abandoned and injured on Midgard. Uncertain as to what happened to you, Odin allows the healers save your life, and the Allmother makes it her duty to ensure your safety. 

RATING: M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Language, violence, assault, harassment. Playlist: “(-_-)” — Adebisi Shank, “Beetle” — Run River North, “Magic” — Coldplay

“You can’t be serious?”

The Warriors Three and Lady Sif wore the most befuddled of expressions, while Thor was stupidly grinning in delight.

“Oh, but I am!” he answered, plucked a fourteen-year-old Ellie from atop his shoulders, and set her down on the ground.

Loki sat nearby in the training yard, sharpening his daggers as Thor rambled on to his friends, Ellie’s little hand enclasped in his massive one.

“You want to teach the mortal how to fight?” Sif queried, totally baffled.

“Self defence,” Thor corrected. “But yes.”

Fandral gave him a look. “And why is that?”

“She is very tiny and mortal too. Loki and I know that some do not like that she is on Asgard, so it is merely a precaution. Thus I came up with the exceptional plan to train her and you, my most loyal friends, will assist me!” 

“We will?” Volstagg deadpanned.

“You will!”

 Fandral nearly guffawed. “Why not get the Trickster to do it?”

“He’s helping,” Thor stated bluntly and Loki sent them a particularly menacing grin.

The four of them stared back at him as Volstagg cleared his throat awkwardly. “Oh, no…” 

“My friends, if you must know, my brother and I have been on edge since Frey and Freyja’s comments at the banquet. We would rather teach her some of these skills as a safety measure.”

“Do you think they will act on their comments?”

“Perhaps you should refrain from talking about Ellie as though she is not there,” Loki said dryly, glancing up from his weapons.

Fandral clapped his hands and looked down at the girl. “Alright then… Are you, err, ready to learn how to defend yourself?”

Ellie merely nodded. “Sure.”

“Excellent!” Thor cheered and set his plan in motion. 

“Just no snakes this time,” Hogun grunted, giving Ellie the stink eye.

“No tricks,” Loki agreed. “I promise.”

Loki stayed as close to Ellie as he could without getting in the way, making sure that the Warriors Three and Sif did the job properly. While Thor seemed eager to have her swinging around massive claymores, Loki advised that she first learn how to evade attacks, with which Sif quickly agreed. To the passing Einherjar, it was a comical sight to behold — great burly warriors chasing around and trying to grab a slight girl who was doing her best to run rings around them. At first, she seemed uncomfortable with the practice, but once Loki reminded her of the familiar Frost Giant and Hero game, she calmed and listened to all of their instructions.

The lessons took place in-between handmaiden and princely duties, but seemed to be quite successful. The princes would make sure that the yard would be privately reserved to them so that no one would interrupt their sessions. Although Thor’s friends remained ever sceptical of the “Little Trickster”, they settled into their roles as mentors relatively easily. Perhaps now they could get a better understanding of why the Odinsons were so fond of her.

“Little one,” Thor announced one day as they were beginning. “It is time you chose a weapon.”

“You think I’m ready for that?” she replied, clearly intimidated as Thor pulled a massive axe from a weapon rack.

“Oh, I do!”

“Not a chance,” Sif said, pointing to the axe in his hands. “She is not going to be wielding that.”

Thor groaned, the very definition of a petulant child. “But Siiiiiiiiiif…”

“She will use something lighter,” she continued on, ignoring his outburst. She quickly grabbed a dagger, a quiver of arrows, and a bow from the rack. “She clearly takes after Loki, so let us work with that.”

Fandral let out a dramatic groan. “Ugh, now there’s two of them…”

“How terrible,” Loki said with a roll of the eyes.

“You will show her how to wield a dagger,” Sif ordered, addressing Loki. “And I will get her started with the bow. How does that sound?”

“Sounds great!” Ellie agreed with a great big smile as Sif helped strap the quiver to her back.

“Let’s get to work!” Thor declared, Mjölnir in hand.

Loki was sure that the Warriors Three and Sif were just delighted to spend their time teaching a Midgardian how to spar. Sif seemed to be the least bothered by it, although she was probably just happy to do it at Thor’s suggestion. The God of Thunder seemed more than happy to have Ellie in the training yard, finally showing her the things that he loved  to do. 

Much like seiðr training, progress was slow, but the young girl was more than happy to do as her superiors instructed. Although they seemed less than happy with Loki’s presence, one which he made sure to be as overbearing as possible, he stood on the sidelines for every lesson. He had never taught someone how to fight, but he simply used the same formula as before by using the techniques his mother taught him. While Thor usually acted as the antagonist in their training, he found the whole thing to be ‘great fun indeed’. As long as none of them said anything disrespectful to Ellie, Loki remained calm and collected in their company.

* * *

As was per Asgard’s tradition, workers were paid monthly. Pay day was also considered an off day, so all workers usually went to the local markets to spend their wages as they wished. This month, Loki finished his duties early in the day and decided to go down to the market to browse the stalls. He went alone considering his personal hand servant, Radburn, was off duty. 

Once he had collected his horse from the stables, he took his time riding to the markets. Usually his trips were most pleasant because no one disturbed him. It did irritate him ever so slightly that some people found him so unapproachable, but it also meant that he could peruse the stalls in the market place without being bothered by others. Sometimes, in the more expensive section of the market, he managed to find books or trinkets that grabbed his attention, or even fabrics that could be used in garments made by his tailors. Although he was fully aware he could get these items for free within the palace, he never saw the harm in giving someone decent pay when he had the gold to spend. It wasn’t like he was going to use it for anything else… It was also useful when it came to finding gifts for his mother, who was quite fond of the some of the more unusual novelties or foreign jewellery you could find there. He would also be lying if he said he didn’t get a kick out of seeing people stare as he made the rounds.

Having dismounted his horse upon spotting some interesting leather-bound books, he spent a short amount of time speaking with the stall’s owner about what she had available to buy.

“Have you received any new Midgardian fiction?” he asked, eyeing the display. “Preferably fantasy?”

“Midgardian fantasy, Your Highness?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“There is one book,” she answered politely, seemingly delighted to have a prince willing to buy from her. As she spoke, she rummaged under her stall. “Apparently it’s selling quite well down there. It’s an old book, but it’s popularity has resurged again. Where did I—? Ah! Here it is.”

Loki watched as she lifted a large black tome on to the stall. It was massive — he guessed at least a thousand pages — and landed with a severe thump when she put it down. On its cover was one large gold ring surround by three smaller rings. Within the centre was a gleaming red eye. Alas, it did not have a name on it.

“What is it?” he asked, perplexed as he picked it up.

“I can’t recall,” she admitted. “I think it had something to do with rings, Your Highness. You must understand, we do not have many people asking about Midgardian books…”

“It is alright,” he hushed her, noticing her hands twitching nervously. “I understand.” Without another word, he opened the front cover and began to read the description written on the inside:

‘This special 50th anniversary hardback edition of J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic masterpiece includes…”’Yes, yes, but what is it about? “… a sequel to Tolkien’s 1937 fantasy novel ‘The Hobbit’…’ Oh!”

“I’ll take it,” he said without hesitation, reaching to his leather pouch for gold.

The vender seemed delighted that he was taking it off her hands and when she said the asking price, he doubled it without so much as a second thought, then thanked her, and placed the book carefully into his carrying bag on the horse. He proceeded to lead the animal by the reins as he strolled through more nearby stalls that were bustling with customers.

“Prince Loki?”

He looked up at the sound of his name and turned to see the culprit.

“Hi,” Ellie greeted him with a wave, her own carrying bag tossed over her shoulder as she approached him.

“Hello, little one,” he replied with a small smile.

“What brings you to the markets today?” she asked curiously. “I don’t think I’ve seen you down here before.”

“Sometimes I do show my face among the common people,” he joked. “I came to purchase goods; same as you, I presume?”

“Yeah, I got some new clothes and stuff! And I got some ingredients because Fen and Sevda want’a teach me how to bake.”

Only then did Loki notice the two women standing either side of the girl. Fen and Sevda were two of his mother’s longest serving handmaidens who had taken Ellie under their metaphorical wing. It was due to Frigga’s request, but it was no surprise that they were happy to comply, considering they both had young children of their own. It made sense that they would be willing to help the child adjust to life in Asgard. Loki had known them for centuries.

“Afternoon, ladies,” he greeted them with a slight incline of the head.

After greeting him formally in unison, Sevda asked him. “How do you fair today, Prince Loki?”

“Splendid, thank you. It is always nice to take a break from the duties that bore me.”

“Ah yes,” Fen drawled. “Being a prince is so very hard…”

“It is far harder than you could ever comprehend, Fen!”

Sevda let out a chuckle. “Oh, please! Your duties just consist of playing tricks on Prince Thor. Why not spend your day plotting against him?”

“Perhaps he deserves a day off every now and then.”

“I have known you both since you were children and you have never given him a break. You think he deserves one?”

He paused, then shook his head and smirked. “No, he definitely doesn’t.”

Sevda shook her head, but he knew that she enjoyed the talks they had. “Shopping for something in particular today, Your Highness?”

He shook his head. “Not particularly, Sevda. I am mostly here to see if anything catches my eye.”

“Did you find anythin’?” Ellie piped up.

“I did find an interesting looking book or two…”

“No way! What is it? Anythin’ I know?”

He shrugged. “Perhaps you might know—”

“Here, you! Mortal! Get out of our realm!”

Loki whipped his head around at the sound of shouting. He immediately spotted two men on the other side of the market, staring daggers in his direction. Suddenly, he realised that they weren’t looking at him; their eyes were firmly fixed on Ellie.

The burly, bald-headed one resembled a rabid animal as he continued yelling. “You’re not welcome here, mortal!”

Sevda and Fen immediately stood closer to the girl, sending the two bulls looks that could kill.

“Do you know them, Ellie?” Fen asked.

She shook her head and tried to ignore them. “No, I don’t, I swear.”

“What a pair of cretins,” Sevda spat through gritted teeth. “Mouthing off at a child.”

Fen threw all decorum out the window and shouted back. “Shut you mouth, you fat oaf!”

While the other man kept his mouth wisely shut, Bald-head spat on the ground and refused to stop. “Fuck off, and take that mortal bitch with you!”

At this point, a crowd had formed to watch the insults rolling back and forth. They stared and chattered, most likely putting all the signs together to figure out who was being battered with insults and why. 

The sight of Ellie trying to make herself a smaller target to the hateful spew made Loki see red. “Both of you, not another word! Or, by Odin, I will cut your tongues from your mouths myself!” 

Having been chastised by the younger prince, both men were quick to heed his words and stop with their harassment. They turned red from what was probably a combination of rage and embarrassment.

Glaring at them once more, Loki turned his attention back to the Midgardian. “Ignore their words. They are fools and I will not let them hurt you.”

No one had a chance to react as the tomato struck Ellie’s cheek with a harsh smack. 

She screamed in surprise. The crowd gasped.

“Prince’s whore!”

It splattered on contact, covering all of them in its red pulp. Loki’s eyes blew wide as he hastily wiped it off his cheek and looked down at her. Her whole face was covered in red, both from the damned tomato and the impact of the strike. She looked like a cornered animal, eyes wide and blinking rapidly. Sevda and Fen both stood in shock. When Loki set his eyes on Bald-head — the clearly guilty suspect — he never wanted to wring someone’s neck so much in his life.

He swiftly turned on his heals to do just that when a hand reached around his cloak and grabbed his dagger from its sheath. Surprised, he gaped down and saw Ellie up on her feet, dagger in hand, her eyes focused on the men with utter hatred. Before she could sprint off, he grabbed her in his arms and held her back as she fought him.

“Ellie, no!” he implored her. “Stop!”

“Let me go!” she screeched, her knuckles white with the dagger in her grip.

Fen wisely grabbed her arm to help restrain her. “If you hurt them you will be charged with assault, foolish girl! They are not worth it!”

“You will let me handle this!” Loki growled, passing her off to the two women and taking his weapon back. “You will not ruin your life for this filth!”

Ellie’s body deflated as she stopped fighting, the watery tomato sliding off her face in the struggle. Sevda was carefully wiping it off with the edge of her sleeve as Fen removed it from her flaxen hair — neither woman was concerned with what had hit them; only for the poor girl. The two men looked delighted until they realised Loki had started for them. Before they could run, he knocked them backwards with a powerful blast of energy — it sent the nearby tomato cart flying — and stalked after their fallen figures. Before Baldy could get up, he delivered a precise kick directly to his fat head. Blood spattered his robes and the cobbled road below.

“You would dare to assault a handmaiden of the Allmother?” Loki roared and spat on the man’s oozing head. “She is a child. I would kill you and your friend myself, but I would rather see what the Allmother has in store for you both, you scum.”

The other man dared not move as Loki approached; he simply stared at the gaping wound in the tomato-thrower’s forehead. The Trickster did not hesitate to grab him by the neck and haul him to his feet as Einherjar quickly descended on the small market. Upon seeing the Prince strangling a man with his bare hands, they openly stared at him.

“Prince Loki?” the commanding officer addressed him. “What has happened here?”

“They have assaulted and harassed a handmaiden to the Queen,” he growled and tossed the gasping fiend to the ground, hard. “Bring them to my mother before I kill them, as I would take great pleasure in it! Tell her I will be with her shortly to further explain what occurred.”

“Yes, Your Highness!”

Both assailants were quickly grabbed by the guards and they marched back towards the palace from whence they came. The other guards quickly dispersed the spectators after some insistent crowd control. Loki quickly made his way back to the three handmaidens  and his horse when the men were out of sight.

“Sevda, return to the palace with Ellie and remain with her in your quarters until my mother arrives. The Einherjar will keep you safe. Fen, you will come with me back to the palace and we will inform her of what just happened.”

“Yes, My Prince.”

“But, Loki…” Ellie sniffled and grabbed on to his free hand. “Please don’t leave.”

His brow furrowed at the sudden contact, but when he met her red-rimmed eyes, he squeezed her hand reassuringly. “You will be safe with Sevda. I will not be long, but I must speak with my mother.”

“But—”

“I will be gone but for a little while. I will return.”

“You promise?” she asked and held up her other hand with all digits but her smallest finger clenched into a fist. It was an odd Midgardian gesture, one which apparently meant you were making an unbreakable promise with the person whose finger you clutched with your own. He didn’t understand the logic or reasoning behind it, but he looped his finger with hers.

“I promise.”

With that, Ellie released her hold on his finger as Sevda quickly led her away with a thankful nod towards Loki. Two guards went with them and stayed nearby in case anyone else got involved. The prince quickly guided Fen to his horse and mounted the animal once she was up too. Together they rode to the palace to find the Queen.

* * *

“An assault on the a handmaiden to the Allmother is an assault on the Allmother herself.”

That evening, Odin’s voice was the only thing booming through the throne room. The attacker and his accomplice — who Loki found out were called Bjorn and Elof — were on their knees before the seated King, hands cuffed securely with thick chains. The Allmother remained incredibly controlled while Fen and Loki stood to the side, glaring and observing the exchange.

“I have heard enough from the countless witnesses, my son included, to make a decision. Considering your hate speech and violent actions, Bjorn, — which I also consider to be directed towards the Allmother — you will be imprisoned within the dungeons below until I see you fit to leave before you are old and frail. Your imprisonment starts at dusk tomorrow. Elof, you will be fined and placed under house arrest for an amount of time to be chosen at a later date. Guards, remove them from my sight. Looking at them through my one good eye is too much to stomach.”

Loki blanched. Beside him, Fen wore the same expression. 

Assaults on personal staff of the royal family usually carried far heavier sentences. It wasn’t uncommon to see heads flying or life imprisonment being settled on when the crimes occurred. He had thought that such a sentence would be chosen — that’s why he kept them both alive, for fuck sake! — but now they would both walk free eventually.

“That is an unusually… kind sentence,” Fen whispered with a hint of malice.

“I agree,” was his mumbled response, still eying his father in bewilderment. Once the guards hauled the prisoners from the room, Loki was daring enough to approach the throne. “Father? Why have they received such a light sentence?”

“Light sentence, my son?” Odin replied.

“They assaulted and harassed a handmaiden to the Allmother.”

“And I chose a punishment that I saw fit.”

With a glance towards his mother, Loki frown. “Father, I have seen many prisoners sent to the chopping block for such a crime.”

“Then I will explain my reasoning to you,” he offered and stood up with Gungnir in hand. “As a future king, you must learn from the current one, yes?”

“Fen?” Frigga called her handmaiden. “Would you escort me to see Ellie?”

“Of course, Your Majesty.”

Left alone with his father in the throne room, Loki waited anxiously for Odin to begin explaining why he had made such a decision.

“I know that you are aware of the opinions of some people within this realm, Loki. You know that these people do not welcome mortals here at all. Bjorn and Elof are two such people, it just so happens that Bjorn is far more vocal about it. Daring to assault any member of our personal staff is a bold, and incredibly stupid, move. But I do not think that sentencing two men to death for throwing fruit at a mortal is a wise decision. They both have families as well, even despite their violent tendencies. It could very well cause backlash among our people — one that could, in turn, cause attacks against her and possibly other staff to grow in severity. Their punishment is one which should silence their hate, but also not incite anymore of it. Do you understand?”

Loki’s brow creased with conflicted thoughts. Part of him — a very prominent part of him — wanted those mens’ heads on a pike. Families or no, he didn’t particularly care. They hurt a child. They called her a whore. She was defenceless. Her only crime was existing, and this is the punishment she received.

But the last thing he wanted was for Ellie to receive more of these punishments. If giving those men a milder sentence would result in her safety, then he would try to put aside the hate he felt for them and replace it with the affection he felt for her.

“Yes, Father,” he answered with the most neutral expression he could muster.

“Good, I am glad. Do not worry any more over this incident.”

“Of course, Father. Am I dismissed?”

Odin eyed his son for a brief moment before he nodded. It took Loki most of self-control to not briskly walk from the throne room and slam the doors behind him.

* * *

Unable to sleep, Loki found himself sitting in his usual chair in the library with an open book in his lap. The words remained unread as he played the events of the day through his mind over and over. He had gone to see Ellie and his mother as he so promised — after all, he did do that unusual Midgardian finger-loop thing… He had not attempted to go near the handmaiden quarters since, having just briefly stuck his head in to check on her. Afterwards, he locked himself in his rooms until the sun had gone down. He only left to collect his dinner from the kitchens — leftover stew and bread from the night before — considering the cooks also had the day off. In the middle of the night when most people had gone to sleep, he wandered the halls and wound up here. He had expected to be alone.

The doors opening and Ellie rushing inside was certainly not expected.

“Ellie?”

Her big eyes met his immediately. “Loki! I did it!”

“You did what?” he asked, leaning forward in his seat. For a brief moment, he considered the possibility that she had somehow murdered Bjorn and Elof without anyone noticing.

“The flower!” she cheered, her voice echoing through the library. “I did it!”

She held her open palms out to him and, sure enough, Loki saw a very small clematis flower within them, small tendrils of a ruby red energy surrounding it and gliding through the air. His jaw dropped. He had not expected this tonight. She gently placed it on the nearby table and both of them stared in disbelief and delight as it remained solid and alive.

Pride swelled within him as he looked at the little thing. He had never been so delighted to feel magical energy from an object before. He felt the grin pulling at his lips as he turned his attention from the flower to her. “You did it, little one, as I knew you would.”

Just as he was not prepared for her to burst into the library at all hours, he was not prepared for her to leap into his chair and fling her arms around him. She nearly knocked the wind out of him — she did literally knock the book from his lap — but her lithe arms circled around his neck and hugged him with all the might her frame possessed. 

Clearing his throat awkwardly, he flailed his arms for the briefest of moments before he recalled how her whole body shook when those threats were hurled at her; threats for simply existing and living on Asgard…

Loki slowly released the breath he had been holding and wound his arms tightly around her. He promised that he would never let anyone hurt Ellie so long as he lived.

“Well done, little one. You did it.”

[unofferable-fic]

UNOFFERABLE: 10 - MAGIC

Summary: The unexpected arrival of an injured Midgardian child clinging to life causes a ruckus on Asgard. The princes, Thor and Loki, are somewhat intrigued by this unusual guest, unsure as to how and why she ended up in such a state. What they did not expect, however, was the turn of events her appearance would inevitably cause.

Originally posted by RealWoman77

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Set Pre-Thor 1

Pairing: Loki x child OFC (platonic)

Inspired by this imagine

Warnings: Language, violence, assault, harassment.

Word Count: 4,191

Previous Chapter     Next Chapter

Playlist: “(-_-)” — Adebisi Shank, “Beetle” — Run River North, “Magic” — Coldplay

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A/N: Also available on AO3  and FanFiction.net.

“You can’t be serious?”

The Warriors Three and Lady Sif wore the most befuddled of expressions, while Thor was stupidly grinning in delight.

“Oh, but I am!” he answered, plucked a fourteen year old Ellie from atop his shoulders, and set her down on the ground.

Loki sat nearby in the training yard, sharpening his daggers as Thor rambled on to his friends, Ellie’s little hand enclasped in his massive one.

“You want to teach the mortal how to fight?” Sif queried, totally baffled.

“Self defence,” Thor corrected. “But yes.”

Fandral gave him a look. “And why is that?”

“She is very tiny and mortal too. Loki and I know that some do not like that she is on Asgard, so it is merely a precaution. Thus I came up with the exceptional plan to train her and you, my most loyal friends, will assist me!”

“We will?” Volstagg deadpanned.

“You will!”

Fandral nearly guffawed. “Why not get the Trickster to do it?”

“He’s helping,” Thor stated bluntly and Loki sent them a particularly menacing grin.

The four of them stared back at him as Volstagg cleared his throat awkwardly. “Oh, no…”

“My friends, if you must know, my brother and I have been on edge since Frey and Freyja’s comments at the banquet. We would rather teach her some of these skills as a safety measure.”

“Do you think they will act on their comments?”

“Perhaps you should refrain from talking about Ellie as though she is not there,” Loki said dryly, glancing up from his weapons.

Fandral clapped his hands and looked down at the girl. “Alright then… Are you, err, ready to learn how to defend yourself?”

Ellie merely nodded. “Sure.”

“Excellent!” Thor cheered and set his plan in motion.

“Just no snakes this time,” Hogun grunted, giving Ellie the stink eye.

“No tricks,” Loki agreed. “I promise.”

Loki stayed as close to Ellie as he could without getting in the way, making sure that the Warriors Three and Sif did the job properly. While Thor seemed eager to have her swinging around massive claymores, Loki advised that she first learn how to evade attacks, with which Sif quickly agreed. To the passing Einherjar, it was a comical sight to behold — great burly warriors chasing around and trying to grab a slight girl who was doing her best to run rings around them. At first, she seemed uncomfortable with the practice, but once Loki reminded her of the familiar Frost Giant and Hero game, she calmed and listened to all of their instructions.

The lessons took place in-between handmaiden and princely duties, but seemed to be quite successful. The princes would make sure that the yard would be privately reserved to them so that no one would interrupt their sessions. Although Thor’s friends remained ever sceptical of the “Little Trickster”, they settled into their roles as mentors relatively easily. Perhaps now they could get a better understanding of why the Odinsons were so fond of her.

“Little one,” Thor announced one day as they were beginning. “It is time you chose a weapon.”

“You think I’m ready for that?” she replied, clearly intimidated as Thor pulled a massive axe from a weapon rack.

“Oh, I do!”

“Not a chance,” Sif said, pointing to the axe in his hands. “She is not going to be wielding that.”

Thor groaned, the very definition of a petulant child. “But Siiiiiiiiiif…”

“She will use something lighter,” she continued on, ignoring his outburst. She quickly grabbed a dagger, a quiver of arrows, and a bow from the rack. “She clearly takes after Loki, so let us work with that.”

Fandral let out a dramatic groan. “Ugh, now there’s two of them…”

“How terrible,” Loki said with a roll of the eyes.

“You will show her how to wield a dagger,” Sif ordered, addressing Loki. “And I will get her started with the bow. How does that sound?”

“Sounds great!” Ellie agreed with a great big smile as Sif helped strap the quiver to her back.

“Let’s get to work!” Thor declared, Mjölnir in hand.

Loki was sure that the Warriors Three and Sif were just delighted to spend their time teaching a Midgardian how to spar. Sif seemed to be the least bothered by it, although she was probably just happy to do it at Thor’s suggestion. The God of Thunder seemed more than happy to have Ellie in the training yard, finally showing her the things that he loved ��to do.

Much like seiðr training, progress was slow, but the young girl was more than happy to do as her superiors instructed. Although they seemed less than happy with Loki’s presence, one which he made sure to be as overbearing as possible, he stood on the sidelines for every lesson. He had never taught someone how to fight, but he simply used the same formula as before by using the techniques his mother taught him. While Thor usually acted as the antagonist in their training, he found the whole thing to be ‘great fun indeed’. As long as none of them said anything disrespectful to Ellie, Loki remained calm and collected in their company.

* * *

As was per Asgard’s tradition, workers were paid monthly. Pay day was also considered an off day, so all workers usually went to the local markets to spend their wages as they wished. This month, Loki finished his duties early in the day and decided to go down to the market to browse the stalls. He went alone considering his personal hand servant, Radburn, was off duty.

Once he had collected his horse from the stables, he took his time riding to the markets. Usually his trips were most pleasant because no one disturbed him. It did irritate him ever so slightly that some people found him so unapproachable, but it also meant that he could peruse the stalls in the market place without being bothered by others. Sometimes, in the more expensive section of the market, he managed to find books or trinkets that grabbed his attention, or even fabrics that could be used in garments made by his tailors. Although he was fully aware he could get these items for free within the palace, he never saw the harm in giving someone decent pay when he had the gold to spend. It wasn’t like he was going to use it for anything else… It was also useful when it came to finding gifts for his mother, who was quite fond of the some of the more unusual novelties or foreign jewellery you could find there. He would also be lying if he said he didn’t get a kick out of seeing people stare as he made the rounds.

Having dismounted his horse upon spotting some interesting leather-bound books, he spent a short amount of time speaking with the stall’s owner about what she had available to buy.

“Have you received any new Midgardian fiction?” he asked, eyeing the display. “Preferably fantasy?”

“Midgardian fantasy, Your Highness?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“There is one book,” she answered politely, seemingly delighted to have a prince willing to buy from her. As she spoke, she rummaged under her stall. “Apparently it’s selling quite well down there. It’s an old book, but it’s popularity has resurged again. Where did I—? Ah! Here it is.”

Loki watched as she lifted a large black tome on to the stall. It was massive — he guessed at least a thousand pages — and landed with a severe thump when she put it down. On its cover was one large gold ring surround by three smaller rings. Within the centre was a gleaming red eye. Alas, it did not have a name on it.

“What is it?” he asked, perplexed as he picked it up.

“I can’t recall,” she admitted. “I think it had something to do with rings, Your Highness. You must understand, we do not have many people asking about Midgardian books…”

“It is alright,” he hushed her, noticing her hands twitching nervously. “I understand.” Without another word, he opened the front cover and began to read the description written on the inside:

‘This special 50th anniversary hardback edition of J.R.R. Tolkien's classic masterpiece includes…”’Yes, yes, but what is it about? “… a sequel to Tolkien's 1937 fantasy novel ‘The Hobbit’…’ Oh!”

“I’ll take it,” he said without hesitation, reaching to his leather pouch for gold.

The vender seemed delighted that he was taking it off her hands and when she said the asking price, he doubled it without so much as a second thought, then thanked her, and placed the book carefully into his carrying bag on the horse. He proceeded to lead the animal by the reins as he strolled through more nearby stalls that were bustling with customers.

“Prince Loki?”

He looked up at the sound of his name and turned to see the culprit.

“Hi,” Ellie greeted him with a wave, her own carrying bag tossed over her shoulder as she approached him.

“Hello, little one,” he replied with a small smile.

“What brings you to the markets today?” she asked curiously. “I don’t think I’ve seen you down here before.”

“Sometimes I do show my face among the common people,” he joked. “I came to purchase goods; same as you, I presume?”

“Yeah, I got some new clothes and stuff! And I got some ingredients because Fen and Sevda want’a teach me how to bake.”

Only then did Loki notice the two women standing either side of the girl. Fen and Sevda were two of his mother’s longest serving handmaidens who had taken Ellie under their metaphorical wing. It was due to Frigga’s request, but it was no surprise that they were happy to comply, considering they both had young children of their own. It made sense that they would be willing to help the child adjust to life in Asgard. Loki had known them for centuries.

“Afternoon, ladies,” he greeted them with a slight incline of the head.

After greeting him formally in unison, Sevda asked him. “How do you fair today, Prince Loki?”

“Splendid, thank you. It is always nice to take a break from the duties that bore me.”

“Ah yes,” Fen drawled. “Being a prince is so very hard…”

“It is far harder than you could ever comprehend, Fen!”

Sevda let out a chuckle. “Oh, please! Your duties just consist of playing tricks on Prince Thor. Why not spend your day plotting against him?”

“Perhaps he deserves a day off every now and then.”

“I have known you both since you were children and you have never given him a break. You think he deserves one?”

He paused, then shook his head and smirked. “No, he definitely doesn’t.”

Sevda shook her head, but he knew that she enjoyed the talks they had. “Shopping for something in particular today, Your Highness?”

He shook his head. “Not particularly, Sevda. I am mostly here to see if anything catches my eye.”

“Did you find anythin’?” Ellie piped up.

“I did find an interesting looking book or two…”

“No way! What is it? Anythin’ I know?”

He shrugged. “Perhaps you might know—”

“Here, you! Mortal! Get out of our realm!”

Loki whipped his head around at the sound of shouting. He immediately spotted two men on the other side of the market, staring daggers in his direction. Suddenly, he realised that they weren’t looking at him; their eyes were firmly fixed on Ellie.

The burly, bald-headed one resembled a rabid animal as he continued yelling. “You’re not welcome here, mortal!”

Sevda and Fen immediately stood closer to the girl, sending the two bulls looks that could kill.

“Do you know them, Ellie?” Fen asked.

She shook her head and tried to ignore them. “No, I don’t, I swear.”

“What a pair of cretins,” Sevda spat through gritted teeth. “Mouthing off at a child.”

Fen threw all decorum out the window and shouted back. “Shut you mouth, you fat oaf!”

While the other man kept his mouth wisely shut, Bald-head spat on the ground and refused to stop. “Fuck off, and take that mortal bitch with you!”

At this point, a crowd had formed to watch the insults rolling back and forth. They stared and chattered, most likely putting all the signs together to figure out who was being battered with insults and why.

The sight of Ellie trying to make herself a smaller target to the hateful spew made Loki see red. “Both of you, not another word! Or, by Odin, I will cut your tongues from your mouths myself!”

Having been chastised by the younger prince, both men were quick to heed his words and stop with their harassment. They turned red from what was probably a combination of rage and embarrassment.

Glaring at them once more, Loki turned his attention back to the Midgardian. “Ignore their words. They are fools and I will not let them hurt you.”

No one had a chance to react as the tomato struck Ellie’s cheek with a harsh smack.

She screamed in surprise. The crowd gasped.

“Prince’s whore!”

It splattered on contact, covering all of them in its red pulp. Loki’s eyes blew wide as he hastily wiped it off his cheek and looked down at her. Her whole face was covered in red, both from the damned tomato and the impact of the strike. She looked like a cornered animal, eyes wide and blinking rapidly. Sevda and Fen both stood in shock. When Loki set his eyes on Bald-head — the clearly guilty suspect — he never wanted to wring someone’s neck so much in his life.

He swiftly turned on his heals to do just that when a hand reached around his cloak and grabbed his dagger from its sheath. Surprised, he gaped down and saw Ellie up on her feet, dagger in hand, her eyes focused on the men with utter hatred. Before she could sprint off, he grabbed her in his arms and held her back as she fought him.

“Ellie, no!” he implored her. “Stop!”

“Let me go!” she screeched, her knuckles white with the dagger in her grip.

Fen wisely grabbed her arm to help restrain her. “If you hurt them you will be charged with assault, foolish girl! They are not worth it!”

“You will let me handle this!” Loki growled, passing her off to the two women and taking his weapon back. “You will not ruin your life for this filth!”

Ellie’s body deflated as she stopped fighting, the watery tomato sliding off her face in the struggle. Sevda was carefully wiping it off with the edge of her sleeve as Fen removed it from her flaxen hair — neither woman was concerned with what had hit them; only for the poor girl. The two men looked delighted until they realised Loki had started for them. Before they could run, he knocked them backwards with a powerful blast of energy — it sent the nearby tomato cart flying — and stalked after their fallen figures. Before Baldy could get up, he delivered a precise kick directly to his fat head. Blood spattered his robes and the cobbled road below.

“You would dare to assault a handmaiden of the Allmother?” Loki roared and spat on the man’s oozing head. “She is a child. I would kill you and your friend myself, but I would rather see what the Allmother has in store for you both, you scum.”

The other man dared not move as Loki approached; he simply stared at the gaping wound in the tomato-thrower’s forehead. The Trickster did not hesitate to grab him by the neck and haul him to his feet as Einherjar quickly descended on the small market. Upon seeing the Prince strangling a man with his bare hands, they openly stared at him.

“Prince Loki?” the commanding officer addressed him. “What has happened here?”

“They have assaulted and harassed a handmaiden to the Queen,” he growled and tossed the gasping fiend to the ground, hard. “Bring them to my mother before I kill them, as I would take great pleasure in it! Tell her I will be with her shortly to further explain what occurred.”

“Yes, Your Highness!”

Both assailants were quickly grabbed by the guards and they marched back towards the palace from whence they came. The other guards quickly dispersed the spectators after some insistent crowd control. Loki quickly made his way back to the three handmaidens  and his horse when the men were out of sight.

“Sevda, return to the palace with Ellie and remain with her in your quarters until my mother arrives. The Einherjar will keep you safe. Fen, you will come with me back to the palace and we will inform her of what just happened.”

“Yes, My Prince.”

“But, Loki…” Ellie sniffled and grabbed on to his free hand. “Please don’t leave.”

His brow furrowed at the sudden contact, but when he met her red-rimmed eyes, he squeezed her hand reassuringly. “You will be safe with Sevda. I will not be long, but I must speak with my mother.”

“But—”

“I will be gone but for a little while. I will return.”

“You promise?” she asked and held up her other hand with all digits but her smallest finger clenched into a fist. It was an odd Midgardian gesture, one which apparently meant you were making an unbreakable promise with the person whose finger you clutched with your own. He didn’t understand the logic or reasoning behind it, but he looped his finger with hers.

“I promise.”

With that, Ellie released her hold on his finger as Sevda quickly led her away with a thankful nod towards Loki. Two guards went with them and stayed nearby in case anyone else got involved. The prince quickly guided Fen to his horse and mounted the animal once she was up too. Together they rode to the palace to find the Queen.

* * *

“An assault on the a handmaiden to the Allmother is an assault on the Allmother herself.”

That evening, Odin’s voice was the only thing booming through the throne room. The attacker and his accomplice — who Loki found out were called Bjorn and Elof — were on their knees before the seated King, hands cuffed securely with thick chains. The Allmother remained incredibly controlled while Fen and Loki stood to the side, glaring and observing the exchange.

“I have heard enough from the countless witnesses, my son included, to make a decision. Considering your hate speech and violent actions, Bjorn, — which I also consider to be directed towards the Allmother — you will be imprisoned within the dungeons below until I see you fit to leave before you are old and frail. Your imprisonment starts at dusk tomorrow. Elof, you will be fined and placed under house arrest for an amount of time to be chosen at a later date. Guards, remove them from my sight. Looking at them through my one good eye is too much to stomach.”

Loki blanched. Beside him, Fen wore the same expression.

Assaults on personal staff of the royal family usually carried far heavier sentences. It wasn’t uncommon to see heads flying or life imprisonment being settled on when the crimes occurred. He had thought that such a sentence would be chosen — that’s why he kept them both alive, for fuck sake! — but now they would both walk free eventually.

“That is an unusually… kind sentence,” Fen whispered with a hint of malice.

“I agree,” was his mumbled response, still eying his father in bewilderment. Once the guards hauled the prisoners from the room, Loki was daring enough to approach the throne. “Father? Why have they received such a light sentence?”

“Light sentence, my son?” Odin replied.

“They assaulted and harassed a handmaiden to the Allmother.”

“And I chose a punishment that I saw fit.”

With a glance towards his mother, Loki frown. “Father, I have seen many prisoners sent to the chopping block for such a crime.”

“Then I will explain my reasoning to you,” he offered and stood up with Gungnir in hand. “As a future king, you must learn from the current one, yes?”

“Fen?” Frigga called her handmaiden. “Would you escort me to see Ellie?”

“Of course, Your Majesty.”

Left alone with his father in the throne room, Loki waited anxiously for Odin to begin explaining why he had made such a decision.

“I know that you are aware of the opinions of some people within this realm, Loki. You know that these people do not welcome mortals here at all. Bjorn and Elof are two such people, it just so happens that Bjorn is far more vocal about it. Daring to assault any member of our personal staff is a bold, and incredibly stupid, move. But I do not think that sentencing two men to death for throwing fruit at a mortal is a wise decision. They both have families as well, even despite their violent tendencies. It could very well cause backlash among our people — one that could, in turn, cause attacks against her and possibly other staff to grow in severity. Their punishment is one which should silence their hate, but also not incite anymore of it. Do you understand?”

Loki’s brow creased with conflicted thoughts. Part of him — a very prominent part of him — wanted those mens’ heads on a pike. Families or no, he didn’t particularly care. They hurt a child. They called her a whore. She was defenceless. Her only crime was existing, and this is the punishment she received.

But the last thing he wanted was for Ellie to receive more of these punishments. If giving those men a milder sentence would result in her safety, then he would try to put aside the hate he felt for them and replace it with the affection he felt for her.

“Yes, Father,” he answered with the most neutral expression he could muster.

“Good, I am glad. Do not worry any more over this incident.”

“Of course, Father. Am I dismissed?”

Odin eyed his son for a brief moment before he nodded. It took Loki most of self-control to not briskly walk from the throne room and slam the doors behind him.

* * *

Unable to sleep, Loki found himself sitting in his usual chair in the library with an open book in his lap. The words remained unread as he played the events of the day through his mind over and over. He had gone to see Ellie and his mother as he so promised — after all, he did do that unusual Midgardian finger-loop thing… He had not attempted to go near the handmaiden quarters since, having just briefly stuck his head in to check on her. Afterwards, he locked himself in his rooms until the sun had gone down. He only left to collect his dinner from the kitchens — leftover stew and bread from the night before — considering the cooks also had the day off. In the middle of the night when most people had gone to sleep, he wandered the halls and wound up here. He had expected to be alone.

The doors opening and Ellie rushing inside was certainly not expected.

“Ellie?”

Her big eyes met his immediately. “Loki! I did it!”

“You did what?” he asked, leaning forward in his seat. For a brief moment, he considered the possibility that she had somehow murdered Bjorn and Elof without anyone noticing.

“The flower!” she cheered, her voice echoing through the library. “I did it!”

She held her open palms out to him and, sure enough, Loki saw a very small clematis flower within them, small tendrils of a ruby red energy surrounding it and gliding through the air. His jaw dropped. He had not expected this tonight. She gently placed it on the nearby table and both of them stared in disbelief and delight as it remained solid and alive.

Pride swelled within him as he looked at the little thing. He had never been so delighted to feel magical energy from an object before. He felt the grin pulling at his lips as he turned his attention from the flower to her. “You did it, little one, as I knew you would.”

Just as he was not prepared for her to burst into the library at all hours, he was not prepared for her to leap into his chair and fling her arms around him. She nearly knocked the wind out of him — she did literally knock the book from his lap — but her lithe arms circled around his neck and hugged him with all the might her frame possessed.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, he flailed his arms for the briefest of moments before he recalled how her whole body shook when those threats were hurled at her; threats for simply existing and living on Asgard…

Loki slowly released the breath he had been holding and wound his arms tightly around her. He promised that he would never let anyone hurt Ellie so long as he lived.

“Well done, little one. You did it.”

[thegeneralsnotebook]

Adventures in Deckbuilding #209: Pinkie Pie, Having A Blast (Pink/White/Yellow Control) [Core]

Pinkie Pie, Having A Blast

The Return of Strawberry Sunrise

For those who aren’t aware, Strawberry Sunrise is hands-down my favourite card in Friends Forever. Mostly because she allowed me to play Troublemaker Control in Yellow and Pink. Yellow and Pink don’t really have Troublemaker synergy, generally speaking, and while Pink has some amount of history with playing slow, Yellow hasn’t been seen anywhere near a control deck since the days of Zipporwhill. But all of that changes when we add Strawberry into the mix, because now we have a legitimate way of defending Troublemakers. A somewhat AT-intensive way, perhaps, but a legitimate way for sure.

Essentially, Strawberry works for control by taking advantage of Troublemakers that do good things when they’re uncovered. Because Strawberry turns a Troublemaker face-down when she moves, and as she’s Agile she can move whenever we want, we can turn our Troublemakers face-down right at the start of our Troublemaker Phase, and get the benefit of their uncover ability immediately without having to leave the Problem exposed. Historically, this was best paired with The Smooze, Creeping Crud, but was quite serviceable with Queen Chrysalis, Vicious Vengeance as well. With VV, the opponent isn’t allowed to play Friends to the Problem in the hope of challenging her the usual way, as at the start of our turn we just flicker VV and send all of their stuff home.

My first build of Strawberry control used a Yellow Mane, though I actually don’t remember which one now (I have unfortunately lost the decklist). Yet Pinkie seemed like a good candidate for the deck now, especially as Pink had always been the stronger of the two colours that made up the deck. Yellow, as then, still doesn’t have very many good control cards to its name, so I began to wonder if I could perhaps get better mileage out of some other pairing, with only a small splash into Yellow for Strawberry.

There are many possible other colours which could be included, as the whole Strawberry tactic has a number of issues which each other colour can address. As mentioned earlier, defending Troublemakers with Strawberry is AT-intensive, and one way to address that is to pair with Purple, which would lead into more of a BRB-style Purple/Pink control. Another way to think is that Strawberry offers no defence against Dilemmas, so maybe we want Orange for Monumental Evil. (And for a stealth synergy pick in Applejack and Pinkie Pie, On the Ball.) Yet the third argument, and ultimately the most convincing of the ones that I considered, is that with the loss of The Smooze, our most effective Troublemakers are going to be Epics. That means that we can’t really rely on confronting Problems to score points, and that means we need an alternative win condition. Thus, we follow the well-worn track to White.

White is not without its distinct advantages of course. Of most particular note is Bodyguard, which this deck should be well-placed to take advantage of with a good supply of hard removal ourselves. In theory, those Unicorn tokens can alleviate our AT problems, and Bodyguard also synergizes very well with Transforming Pinkie Pie, as a way to get an extra Unicorn on the field without us having to sacrifice any of our cards. White also has actual Troublemaker-synergy in its colours, and provides a good suite of utility as well, including Sans and an excellent Song in It’s Gonna Work.

Overall, I’m sure that this deck probably isn’t particularly great. While the Strawberry is neat and novel, it probably has just a few too many holes in it to ever form the core of a really good control deck. Yet I’ve always been drawn to it as an example of using a card in a way that it really wasn’t meant to be used. What better joy could there be than sitting down and baffling an opponent with a set of cards they’ve never seen before, being used in ways they hadn’t anticipated, and forcing them to to think about new ways to play the game. In her time, Strawberry did give me plenty of that. And I suppose there always is Adventure.

Last week I was unfortunately unable to put up an article as I was hard-pressed with making arrangements to run the Invitational streams over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. Yet this time it shall only be a 1-week hiatus, and now we’re right back into it. We transition from this nerfed Mane into the other one next week: Fluttershy, Stunning Wonder!