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bloodybells1 · 2 years

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Provenance and the Afterlife: a Whaleman's Anxiety

There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method.

~Herman Melville fr. Moby Dick

To me nothing speaks more directly regarding the subconscious than the whale archetype.

Just look at the above image: like an iceberg, the greater portion is submerged. Which is very much like in our psyches. Anyone who’s been through a lot of therapy can attest to the vastness of the subconscious. Notice also the devilish eye, a crimson flare, like a possessed shark. And the open maw full of teeth, perfectly encapsulating the man-eating quality of the subconscious, the power of its great expanse swallowing you whole, that vertigo-like spell some of us in therapy have felt when it feels like we’re going to get swallowed up by some invisible monster.

This post, however, is not about the subconscious. Though, the subconscious should be by now a de rigeur entry point into Moby Dick. If the White Whale is a grand metaphor for unreachable knowledge, the object of a vainglorious quest to see what’s happening underneath, then it could be said that the novel as a whole is a stand-in for this terrible dive downwards into parts unknown. It feels criminal, then, to talk about the novel without at least throat-clearing this way.

Indeed, cetology as a proxy for analysis seems pretty straightforward here. What’s less so, however, is the above quote, which is the first sentence of Chapter 82: “The Honor and Glory of Whaling.”

The quote might be read prescriptively—and I’d totally look the other way if anyone wanted to cut and paste it onto a scrapbook for writing inspiration or any other type of prompt in the creative process.

But, when you read on throughout the chapter, it’s clear that’s not the use Melville intended.

Here’s the last sentence of the chapter, which tells you a lot of what you need to know about what the author had in mind:

Perseus, St. George, Hercules, Jonah, and Vishnoo! there’s a member-roll for you! What club but the whaleman’s can head off like that?

It’s obvious that what Melville meant by “disorderliness” was no how-to pointer for the burgeoning writer, how to “let go” and “be free” and “be creative,” say; no, I think it’s safe to say he was trafficking in the careful art of reputational management. All of those “disorderly” whalemen were in desperate need of a more positive spokesman.

Elsewhere in the novel he spends some time marshaling arguments in defense of whalemen against accusations of coarseness and criminality. In this chapter, Melville goes even further: he links the latter-day enterprise of whaling with nothing less than a hero, a legend, a saint, a demi-god and then a full-blown god! Melville might’ve been obliquely punning on the “disorderliness” of sailing culture; or maybe his own ruminative and tangentially-prone writing style; or even imputing some self-reflection to the narrator as he considers how spontaneous is his fascination with this lifestyle.

It might be any or all of those things, but the meaning is the same: not all enterprises need be 100% rational.

The chapter itself is a chapter about provenance. We know very little of Ishmael, the narrator; throughout close to 600 pages, he mentions next to nothing about his patronage, his family, his education, etc. This chapter stuck out to me, not only because of that wonderful first phrase, but also because of the anxiety I detect in the whole of the chapter. Like rappers listing their influences before heading further into a track, Ishmael wants the reader to know, maybe not so much whence he hails, but who his homies are and what is their provenance. There’s a presumption about preconceived notions in the writing and an urgency to get ahead of it, to establish a lineage. This is all the more poignant since Ishmael was careful at the beginning of the novel to point out that he has no experience with whaling whatsoever. Yet, look at him humble-bragging all of a sudden (maybe not so humbly, after all).

I had had no idea, prior to reading Moby Dick recently, that Melville apparently died in some slight obscurity. He was clearly recognized as a noteworthy author but Moby Dick had been out of print for years and he was living off his wife’s inheritances. In the forty years since the publication of Moby Dick he’d written poetry, all of it deemed masterful today, though, like the masterpiece of fiction about the great whale, completely ignored, and sometimes even panned, during his lifetime.

What benediction must Melville’s own very soul be feeling now! Congealed to that hard block of eternity, that non-stuff of the ether, which all of us are most assuredly headed towards on our indefatigable procession to meet with him one day, Melville now brags. Maybe he’s saying something like, “I told y’all I was a genius, but none of you believed me!”

Of course, these are anxious thoughts. They say more about us than him. And besides: what do we—the living—know of what the dead think? Isn’t this us projecting? We are always, and with good cause, remonstrated against anthropomorphization. Well then, shouldn’t we as well refrain from this type of projection, one which we seem to be perfectly comfortable casting onto our no-longer-here confreres? If there is even such a thing as Herman Melville in the great beyond, surely he has bigger fish to fry than relitigating the absence of literary acclaim during his lifetime. I’m certain that in the shadow of eternity, such ephemeralities are meaningless.

And yet:

If I might be so bold, my tweets up here accidentally frame the obverse of Moby Dick’s Chapter 82 (I was in the middle of reading the book when I wrote the tweets, so maybe it was accidental only in the sense of conscious awareness). Whereas Chapter 82 is all about lineage with the past, I seem to be concerned equally here with lineage of the future.

I live more by hope than by reverence. The same quest for authenticity, and the anxiety around the world’s possible refusal to grant it, that characterizes Ishmael’s listing of Perseus and St. George and Vishnu as whalemen progenitors, is the same quest I have apparently undertaken. But where this concern induces Ishmael to look back, it does so for me to look forward. I live, no longer to root myself in ancestry, but for possibilities that will play out in what comes after I’ve finished. I want to root myself ahead.

Previous quests for rootedness have granted me some fine results. I’ve led a pretty interesting life so far. But, of course, as is almost always the case with us artistes, the feeling that things are unfinished is unavoidable.

I’m 48 and it’s looking like children are not in the cards for me. And while I’m completely fine with that (it is, after all, somewhat of a conscious decision on my part to not have kids), this does leave me with that pesky problem of legacy. Kids are great for that. If you’re concerned about what you leave behind, you should have them. They’ll grow up and walk around and some part of you will live on in them.

But works such as paintings, buildings, companies and documents serve this function as well. The only problem is their shorter half-life. Even though they can be with us for a very long time, almost an eternity, once you die, whatever ventriloquistic function you wanted them to perform dies with you. They’ll be silent from that point on, condemned to a kind of nanny-state of conjecture and interpretation (perhaps a good idea to write some of your thoughts down about your work before you go, that is, if you care about this sort of thing; not every artist does). It goes without saying that this complicates the project of using these works as vessels of your living spirit well past your own death. At least kids can carry down your tradition for you for generations and, if you play your cards right, at least someone in your line is going to speak your praises in vivo.

Rather than a mammalian strategy, then, whereby cubs are nurtured and doted upon by parents to the exclusion of any other births for the time being, I seek a piscine one: I try to lay as many eggs as possible, in the hopes that some of them will make it to adulthood without being eradicated by greater forces than I can control. Promiscuous fertilization is the name of the game. Investment in statistics, as opposed to cultivation, is what I count on.

This blog is an example of that. (Which reminds me that I should upload all of my posts onto the more permanent IPFS network in case Tumblr ever decides to completely turn over). My newsletter, too, is an example of my ovarian approach. My YouTube channel. My albums. My essays. My book which will be coming out (hopefully soon). Any films I appear in. Or any other media I will perform in in the future. These are all eggs.

See: Melville probably didn’t know this but I’m not sure his Ishmael was talking all that much about ancestry. I mean, he was; and for the purposes of Moby Dick, that’s sufficient. Melville of course was not writing an autobiographical novel when he wrote this masterpiece of English language literature. So I think it’s fine to ask how much a certain anxiety about his own legacy he might’ve been thinking. Certainly, he had no need for an ovarian approach, much as he may have believed he needed one after the publication of Moby Dick, which, infamously, largely fell on deaf ears during his lifetime. His legacy, in terms of what his work would be doing for him after he passed, is being well taken care of with the release of a mere handful of unrepeatable and irreplaceable titles.

Yet, the ovarian approach is nonetheless the smartest way. There’s a great cautionary tale about operating otherwise. The most tragic thing to me is the Guns’n’Roses album Chinese Democracy,an utterly forgettable piece of mediocrity over which over a decade’s worth of labor was wasted.

Think of all of the little eggs Axl could’ve laid during that time, instead of focussing on nurturing this one giant whale!

May all of my eggs hatch, at some point; but if not, may at least some of them. They will all be traces of me.

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thedavinoparadox · 9 months

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Reading Wrap-Up (July) 🌻📚

Selenio

"Breathe the sweetness that hovers in August." - Denise Levertov

Happy August everybody!

July has been quite a turbulent month, filled with a lot of hard decisions and important events. Although from an outsider’s perspective it might have been my first “truly free” month, it still often felt like the opposite, being caged in the expectations of other people (or what I assumed them to be…). I’m actually pleasantly surprised by the amount I still accomplished to read in the last 31 days.

Unsurprisingly, I mostly seek my comfort in literature and due to this, most of the books I have succumbed to this month were so-called comfort reads.

Hard Land by Benedict Wells (2021)

Some might call this cheating, as it was still June when I finished this exceptional novel but it would have felt wrong to never mention it in a blog post at all. Although I am a little bit late to reading this book (even though I was lucky to be part of a live reading a few years back), I still believed it to be a wonderfully heartfelt novel about the troubles of coming-of-age and the coming to terms with some hard truths about love, friendship and family (no pun intended…). Additionally, the 80s vibes were incredible and made me long for a vision of America I never lived in. Of course, this book sort of awakened the hypochondriac in my soul but it also brought me close to the point of shedding a tear or two.

A Clash of Kings & A Storm of Swords by George R. R. Martin (1998 & 2000)

Probably one of the most rebellious things I did after having finished all my A-level exams was to finally start the “A Song of Ice and Fire” book series by George R. R. Martin. And although I was almost convinced to regret it after the second or third book, I’m still having the grandest of grand old times with these books. Frankly, I did believe them to be a tad overhyped before opening them, but was quickly proven wrong by just how alive and… breathing this world feels, that he has created. It’s the little details and fleshed out characters which make these books so worth reading. They are just the thing to help you escape reality when things get a little too stressful.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (1868)

No, I have not watched the movie yet. This is a sentence which I think I said to about twenty people over the course of the last year when being questioned on my thoughts on Little Women. Simply because I was so fixed on the idea of first finishing the book before even watching the trailer of the movie. And I think this has been one of the best decisions I have made this year. For this is one of the coziest, most heartfelt books I have ever laid my hands upon and the characters in it are just beautifully fleshed out, versatile and overall simply lovable. All of them. You can definitely stay tuned for a more in-depth review on this particular novel (and maybe even the movie…). Totally besides the point, but look at that gorgeous edition…

The Betrayed by Ursula Poznanski (2012)

I found this in my Audible library, quickly checked if I liked the voice of the audiobook (which can make or break a book to me…) and spontaneously decided to give it a try. Let me preface this by saying I'm not an avid reader of dystopian novels (aside from the occasional Orwell) and didn't really know what to expect. Well, I was met with well-rounded characters, a nicely done plot and very interesting world building. However, the whole starting point seemed to me quite typical for this genre. Nonetheless, Ursula Poznanski just never disappoints and is one of my absolute safe-picks when choosing an author. I would probably read a phone book, if it was written by her.

The Inkheart Trilogy by Cornelia Funke (2003 - 2007)

I have to be careful with my words here because this is one of my twin sister's absolute favorite book series and as we share this blog, it would be rather unwise to be unreasonably harsh. (Fortunately for me, these books really are brilliant and can’t be criticized easily). I think for the amount of times she checked it out of the library, they could have given them to her for good. Well, this month she finally decided to get them for herself and naturally I got the right to read them immediately after she had finished them. Well how could I not after she had been raving about them every chance she got? And indeed, these books just feel like a warm hug from a person you have known your entire life. Like one of those cold, rainy summer evenings with a big cup of warm cocoa, a fuzzy blanket and the soft patter of rain on the windows. It's such a beautiful kind of whimsical fantasy with characters that seem to jump off the page (literally…). You just can’t help to fall in love with some of them and absolutely despise other ones. (And as I was looking up the pictures for this book I discovered that a new one is coming out this October! Finally I could be the bearer of good news and the smiles of readers whose favorite series is getting a follow-up is just priceless.)

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papirouge · 10 months

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The witch hunts was not a Catholic European thing though, and the Inquisition was the first one to stop any sort of witchhunts because they didn't even believe that witchcraft existed. They had an Inquisitor spend months in Navarre after the Zugarraburfi trials (which was in itself an isolated event in a lot of ways) to stop the collective hysteria because the Spanish Inquisition realized that people's claims of witchcraft had been passed over the border with France where witch hunts were a serious issue. The Inquisition stopped one of the trials involving CHILDREN in Switzerland who were going to be executed. It is noted historically hoy the Catholic Church andespecially the Inquisition were rather merciful in regards of their attitude to witches and sorcery (and please, understand merciful in comparison to the actions of others,)

Witch hunts happened in areas where there was religious conflicts especially, like France, Germany and England which is why Italy and Psian saw very few of these and the ones that happened took place in areas very close to the borders with these sort of countries.

Luther was especially very aggressive towards those who were believed to practice dark magic and pressed for the hunts to continue.

Not everything is the fault of Catholics lmo. Have they done their fair share of things? Yeah. But this is not one of them.

Also just to note something, the Church didn't like the Inquisition lmao, because it was outside of their power. The Spanish, that is, not the others established in different countries before that.

No offense anon, but your entire post sounds like a major cope😭

Here's what I said

Maybe my sentence wasn't clear, but I said that the INQUISITION was an "Catholic European thing" - not witch trials. Witch trials were also committed by Protestants (WASP settlers in North America) so it wouldn't make sense to put witch trials on Catholicism alone. The Inquisition was mostly entertained by Europeans but also European colonies in South America.

It's also interesting how you're hyper fixating on witch trials and how the Inquisition dindu nuffing when I actually stated that the Inquisition targetted demographics beyond those suspected of witchcraft.

It's also funny how you say " the Inquisition stopped the witch trials".... without saying WHO started them 💀 sorry but the Inquisition starting to wind down on an oppression IT CREATED doesn't remotely negate the fucked up shit it did.

It's like those thinking they're doing something saying shit like "White people ended slavery🥺" ......yeah after profiting off of it for CENTURIES and realizing owning slaves (that have to be fed, accommodated, could get tired, get sick, etc.) was more expensive than investing in vapor machines. One have to be an absolute idiot to think the abolition of slavery came from benevolence. Interestingly enough, the same brand of folks spouting that nonsense totally understand it when it comes to female liberation (voting, better access to the workplace, etc.) to conveniently send shots to feminism, but will act oblivious when it comes to destroy to Slavery ending Benevolent White Man™ myth 💀

Also I don't understand why you have to drag Luther into this. Luther was a psychotic piece of shit, too - but he was right dragging the papacy for the disgusting farce that it is. The Inquisition was still demonic and full of shit ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. I still think God used Luther to rightfully call out the abuse of the Catholic church It wouldn't be a new thing for God to use extremely flawed people to make His point *Nebuchadnezzar says hi!* and it's lowkey funny how Catholics are still seething about it. Reeeee!!! peasants are now allowed to actually READ the Bible and don't have to PAY their ticket to heaven??!! 😱😱

And let's not even forget how the Catholic church reinforced worshipping in latin (because Catholicism is a European White washed pun intended version of Christianism - it's pretty reminiscent of the Arab supremacism of Islam that compels Muslim to read the Quran in Arabic 💀) which is hysterical because if it was about sticking to tradition they'd rather chose to worship in Aramaic, Hebrew, or even Greek...but noooo, these European scrotes had to center the Bible around themselves instead💀💀

No one is saying everything is the fault of Catholics. But it would be nice of Catholic to gaslight people into thinking how aKtcHualLy they did nothing wrong. The Inquisition oppressing intellectuals and Protestants is a well documented historical fact, anon. Even here in France, one of the most significant event in our History is the Saint Barthelemy when it's estimated 15-30 000 Protestants (Huguenots) were killed in one night. I have many things to say about Protestants who also have their fair share of shittiness and bloodsheding antics but it would be nice for Catholics to take accountability in basic historical facts instead of playing oblivious.

And I know for a fact that the Church (capital C aka the body of Christ) doesn't like the Inquisition because no discerning Christian who has the holy spirit/actually read the Bible does follow the Catholic Church of Rome. And I say this as a former Catholic who got her wake up call by simply reading the Bible and praying to God to show me the truth.

#answered #Christian

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yatescountyhistorycenter · 1 year

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The good ol’ days of Italy Hill

By Jonathan Monfiletto

“How much more vividly we recall to memory incidents that happened during our younger years of life than we can events of much more importance that take place in later years.”

With this observation, Byron Ansley – writing as B.H. Ansley – began the first in a series of at least seven essays that appeared in The Chronicle-Express between March 1936 and May 1938. Whether commissioned as what we today might call a guest column or submitted as a letter to the editor, these essays describe in vivid and colorful detail Ansley’s childhood in Italy Hill, growing up on his family’s farm situated on the western border of the town of Jerusalem.

At the time Ansley wrote these essays, he and his wife, Minnie, were living at 460 North Main St. in Penn Yan – nowadays, this is roughly the vicinity across from the Yates Community Center and next to The Homestead nursing facility – and likely operating Ansley’s Dairy in the village. It might be difficult now to envision a farm within the village limits of Penn Yan, but it was there until at least the mid-1940s. Byron was in his mid-60s when he wrote these essays, and he had lived in Penn Yan for about 16 years after living and farming in Jerusalem.

I say Byron and Minnie “likely” operated Ansley’s Dairy because I haven’t yet seen “Byron Ansley” and “Ansley’s Dairy” in the same sentence anywhere, but I am almost certain Byron Ansley was the dairy’s owner. Someone once sent me a photo of a glass milk bottle embossed with “Ansley’s Dairy – Penn Yan, N.Y.,” which instigated my research into the Ansley family and their farming, and the limited information I have uncovered seems to show Byron and Minnie being the only Ansleys to live in Penn Yan and own a farm.

Whether Ansley intended to write his essays with any regularity, his first few contributions fall almost weekly – appearing in the March 26, April 9, April 16, and May 7, 1936 editions of The Chronicle Express. He talks about a period of time 50 years prior, in the mid-1880s when he was a young teenager; he talks about the remoteness of being 12 miles from the railroad and relying on the stagecoach to bring mail and newspapers. He recalls life on his parents’, William and Anna, farm and on the swamp the farm encompassed, listing the flora and fauna he discovered in his boyhood rambles. He names the classmates who attended Jerusalem School District No. 12 and their families who lived near and around the Ansleys, noting his family’s 10 children “furnished a baker’s dozen” of the school population.

Another time, Ansley writes about a hundred-year-old sawmill his father disassembled in order to re-use the lumber and about an old-fashioned threshing floor situated in a barn across from the schoolhouse. He remembers Mr. Prosser’s coal kiln – a circular structure 20 feet in diameter and 15 to feet in height, made of brick and mortar – and how a full load of black ash would burn and smolder for days to produce charcoal. The Ansley family, with William being an agent for farm machine companies, owned the first self-binder to cut and bind grain, and Ansley looks back on how those machines improved over time from unusable to efficient.

Ansley’s final three columns, at least from what I have been able to find, appear more infrequently – December 12, 1936; February 18, 1937; and May 19, 1938. He died at June 16, 1943 at age 70 – following a long illness, according to his obituary – so whether he realized it, these writings came toward the end of his life. It is these essays that offer the most colorful insight into Ansley’s boyhood adventures. In one, he describes a fox hunt “a triad of old veteran fox hunters” took part in – he being one of the three, presumably – but tells the tale from the perspective of the fox, who is eventually able to outfox (pun totally intended) the hunters and their dog and escape the hunt unscathed.

In another one, he relates the story of a drifting shyster who came to town under the guise of wanting to organize the local farmers into a new political party but wanting only to run off with their money. Ansley and some friends decided to hide out in the ceiling of the schoolhouse to witness a meeting of this shyster and the farmers because of some rumors they had heard about the initiation process of the group; in their attempt to get out of trouble when they were exposed, however, they ended up exposing the drifter for who he really was.

Ansley’s final essay – perhaps final indeed but at least final as far as I have been able to locate – brings a sense of nostalgia as he takes the reader along on a tramp through his beloved swamp. Throughout the journey, he stimulates one’s senses – the sight of the various bird species and the twilight sun, the sounds of farm animals and wildlife, the touch of the gentle breeze, the scent of the flowers and the trees – and makes a person feel as if he is actually walking in the swamp and not just reading words on paper.

So go Ansley’s remembrances of his boyhood in Italy Hill, on his family farm and in his beloved swamp and around this rural, remote community. Written 50 years after his teenage years, his words seem poignant and profound. Perhaps they are even more so today, nearly 90 years after they were first written.

#history #historyblog #museum #archives #yatescounty #jerusalemny #italyny #byronansley #ansleyfamily #italyhill

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razreads · 1 year

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Heat Wave by T.J. Klune

Wildcard ~ October

★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

My opinion in three sentences:

I was disappointed by this one and yet, in a way, this is almost sadly what I’ve come to expect from YA trilogies of late – gradual deterioration book-by-book (or a shocking final instalment) and the clear sense that, actually, it would have been stronger as a duology. I appreciated Klune’s continuity (such as keeping the odd “fanfiction” chapter and long-term running jokes), and the overall plot arc was acceptable. However, the book felt as if it had been written by someone completely different to the others (and a novice fanfic writer at that), and I cannot even put into words what on Earth was going on in the first half of the book.

(Without spoiling anything) the best bit:

At its core, the storyline and the twists and turns it took were clever and well-paced. For me, however, the delivery let them down, with the narration being too obvious in its reveals of the clues. More subtle reveals would have ultimately led to a more impactful plot twist, which then in turn would appear more clever upon reflection when these smaller moments are noticed with the context of what they really are.

A warning for the book:

As much as book two didn’t set my world on fire (pun not intended), you’re probably better off finishing there and making up your own resolution (I’m no big superhero expert, but even I got a fairly good approximation of how things would turn out.) Equally, you can always skip the first three-quarters, assume they were just standard superhero training scenes, and go from there (although, again, don’t expect the finesse of book one). Would I say don’t bother with the whole trilogy off the back of this book? Probably not – I wasn’t even going to read book one as it didn’t sound up my street, but it totally knocked my socks off and was a top read of the year. But if you’re someone who prefers to never even have tasted what ultimately goes sour (to avoid the disappointment altogether), then I would recommend that this is a trilogy for you to skip.

#razreads #bookshelf2022 #book review #t j klune #heat wave #the extraordinaries trilogy #queue have a good day now

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randomimaginesforrandompeople · 3 years

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Little tease | Riven smut

Summary: You tease Riven during training, he shows you what happens to little teases.

A/N: I do not own the gif but I thought it would fit! This is just smut, but we need more Riven smut out there. It’s a little filthier than I have written so far so I hope it isn’t too bad.

WARNING: SMUT read at your own discretion, Daddy kink (because come on, Riven totally has one) teasing, dirty talk (a little degrading), little rough but nothing too crazy.

Taglist: @novawrts @americaswritings @voidmalfoy @reader101k @teaandcoke @glowingatdawn @fandomwalflower @blahhhhhhhaaa @artsyle @criesinlies @orphan-with-a-stutter

If you want to be added/removed from my taglist please let me know!

You had never had an attraction to someone like this, you couldn’t explain what it was. Riven just made you feel some type of way. He could give you one look and set your body on fire, it didn’t help that he was the worlds biggest flirt and liked to show off. Luckily for you, the feeling was mutual and Riven focused his attention on you.

Riven and you had been together for a while now, you knew all his quirks and habits, and you also knew what really got him going. You were in a mood, there was a training scheduled and you did not want to go. You wanted to spend your day in bed with Riven. So to say you were a little annoyed was an understatement. The only good thing about this training was that the second year specialists were assisting, so you did get to see your boyfriend, just not in the situation you had hoped for.

The training was in full swing and you were getting frustrated, sexually. Riven was looking way too hot for a normal training day. All sweaty, flexing his muscles and being in charge? Yeah that definitely got you going. You huffed in annoyance, you knew that training would at least be another hour.

Silva asked Riven to demonstrate a new move and asked for a volunteer, you had never been this eager to help out, you wanted to get pinned against the floor by Riven and you were getting more desperate with the minute. Luckily Silva chose you, Riven raised his eyebrow, you never volunteered to help demonstrate. You were one of the types that liked to learn quietly to themselves. You got in position and launched at Riven, he blocked your attack and pinned you to the floor in one swift move. Silva explained the mechanics of the move as Riven was still pinning you down, you decided to tease him a little and whispered ‘’Sorry babe, needed an excuse to be underneath you again’’ He gulped and you grinned, liking the effect you had on him. The two of you rose and you knew exactly how to make this training more fun.

It was your personal mission to get a rise out of Riven. You took every oppurtunity to practice with him. Pressing your body against him, whispering things to him whenever you had the chance and making other innuendos. You could see that it was getting to him, he got a little snappy towards the other first years and looked increasingly more frustrated.

Riven had no idea what had gotten into you, but it had him going crazy. The way you moved made it more difficult to focus, especially when you kept touching him and giving him sly looks. It was killing him, Silva had asked him to help because of his improvement and he didn’t want to mess up. But god did you make it hard, pun intended. You were drinking from your water bottle when Riven stalked over to you ‘’What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’’ he hissed at you. You smiled innocently ‘’I have no idea what you’re talking about’’ Riven looked at you, clearly irritated ‘’Knock. it. off’’ He walked away, huffing loudly. You had definitely gotten to him.

You were sparring with Dane when you called Riven over, you were going in for the final move. ‘’Riv, can I try this move on you? Dane was asking about it’’ You smiled sweetly, he already knew it was a trap but he couldn’t say no to you with all the others around you, so he nodded. He launched at you and this time you had him quickly to the ground. You were sitting on top of him and stretched out your whole body over his to ‘lock him down’ you leaned down and whispered innocently ‘’Am I doing it right daddy?’’ He could feel himself twitch in his pants, you had really done it now. You slowly got off of him, brushing past his growing problem. Riven was pissed to say the least, you were actually kind of nervous when you saw the bitter expression on his face. But training was finally over and before you could do anything, Riven had grabbed your arm and dragged you off of the training fields.

‘‘You fucking tease’‘ You were barely in his room when he had pinned you against the wall. ‘‘Trying to distract and tempt me the entire training session’‘ He smirked, his pupils full blown and dark ‘’Want me to show you what I do to a needy little tease?’’ He forced your legs open with his thigh and roughly pushed it against your heat. You let out a small noise at the contact, making him grin bigger. ‘’Not so bold now huh?’’ He pushed his thigh closer against you, making you moan. He chuckled ‘’You’re so fucking desperate’’ You tried to move against his thigh, needing any sort of friction but he held you still, breath ghosting over your neck but not doing anything. You let out a whine, you were indeed desperate and needed him to do anything ‘’Come on baby, use your words’’ You had difficulty making up a coherent sentence, especially when his lips started to lightly touch your neck before pulling away from you completely. The loss of contact made you whimper ‘’I-I need you to fucking touch me, please’’ Riven cupped your cheek ‘’Please what?’’ ‘’Please daddy’’

That was it, he was on you in a second. Attacking your mouth with his own. His hands were groping your ass, your legs around his waist and your hands in his hair as you moaned into the kiss. He carried you over to the bed and roughly dropped you. He wasted no time, taking of his shirt and your sports bra before getting on top of you again. Kissing you once again, shoving his tongue into your mouth. You could feel his growing errection being pushed into you, you were soaked at this point. He bit on your lip before assaulting your neck, he was marking you. Normally you’d mind because people were going to see but you were so lost in all of it that you didn’t care at that moment. Your hands were in his hair as you moaned, you wrapped your legs around him again to push him closer into you, earning a groan from him. You loved it when he made his little noises, and you’d do anything to hear them over and over.

He was leaving marks all over your body taking his sweet time, way too long in your opinion. You loved his mouth on you but you needed something else more. You started grinding against him making him chuckle ‘’God you really are desperate today huh?’’ He leaned in closer to you ‘’Does baby need to be filled?’’ You nodded. He grinned while he looked at you, you already fucked out and he had barely touched you. ‘’Do you deserve it?’’ Your eyes widened ‘’Cause only good girls get filled up’’ His thumb traced over your lip ‘’Please’’ you croaked ‘’I need you so bad’’ He pulled you into a surprisingly sweet kiss ‘’Alright baby, you get off this time, but don’t pull that stunt on me again’’ you nodded, you’d do anything at this point.

Suddenly he tore down your leggings. He whistled when he saw your panties, they were red and lacy just as he liked. ‘’You planned this all along huh? my naughty little girl’’ He nudged your legs open and touched you over your underwear, they were completely soaked and you knew it. The little friction was appreciated but it was not nearly enough ‘’Riven... please’’ He pressed a little harder ‘’Tell me what you want’’ He pushed your underwear to the side and raked his finger over your slit making you gasp ‘’I want you to fuck me daddy’’ He grinned ‘’Anything for you baby’’ He plunged two fingers into your heat and kept a rapid pace making you throw your head back and moan loudly. You didn’t even care who heard anymore. He pulled away from you after a few minutes and licked his fingers clean ‘’You taste so fucking good’’ You whined at the loss of contact but saw that he was removing his pants and boxers and licked your lips when you saw his already leaking dick. He pumped it a few times before getting back to you.

He pushed your legs apart even more and took your legs and rested them over his shoulders giving him an interesting angle. He pushed at you all at once drawing out a long moan from the both of you. He didn’t give you any time to adjust before slowly pulling out and pushing back in again. He groaned ‘’You’re so tight, I love being inside of you’’ his hips snapped deliciously into you and you let out a few breathy moans when he started picking up his pace. It didn’t take long before you felt the familiair coil burning inside your stomach. Riven noticed too ‘’Come for me babygirl’’ He thrusted a few more times and you came undone, seeing stars. Your orgasm washed over you and that was all it took for Riven to snap as well, coming inside of you.

The two of you were breathing heavily next to each other. ‘’That was mindblowing’’ you rested your head on his chest and he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer ‘’Damn right it was, but please don’t ever tease me again during training’’ you giggled ‘’Well I might have to if you fuck me this good afterwards’’ Riven laughed he pulled you in for a slow kiss making you melt ‘’I can fuck you good anytime babe’’

#riven x reader #riven smut #riven imagine #fate the winx saga riven #riven #fate the winx saga smut #fate the Winx saga imagines #fate the winx saga #fate the winx saga riven x reader #fate the winx saga riven imagine #riven imagines

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honey-milk-depresso · 3 years

Text

Obey me: s/o is a debater (Lucifer and Satan)

Hi! Another Obey Me headcanon coming straight out of the writing oven! I hope you enjoy!

Lucifer

Well damn-

He saw the info about you

And saw you were in the debate club of your school.

And at first he though ehh-

You’re no big deal right?

Ahahaha-

No-

You were intelligent and critical, highly observant and you just constructed every speech you say so well-

It’s so satisfying to hear you speak

And he feels so proud that you sometimes defended him when the majority of his brothers disagree

Don’t worry, he’ll protect you from Satan-

One time you needed to go back to the human world temporarily as there was a debate tournament held and your team needed you to come back for it.

Lucifer appeared in his human form and went to the tournament after asking permission from Princess Diavolo.

Woah,

You present you’re arguments like you’re a champ-

You’re so professional-

After your team won ( which meant he was there for weeks in the human world before the results and, well, matches ended-), Lucifer was so happy and his ego just bloated

For you of course-

Satan

If there is one thing Satan values the most,

That would be knowledge.

And for that very reason, he thinks you’re hot as hell (pun intended-)

The way you construct sentences and frame your speech whenever you tried to get a point across to him was honestly so majestic-

He was so smug when you defended him from Lucifer and at one point Lucifer didn’t know how to respond to you like-

He’s so smug.

Would totally go to one of your tournaments.

It would be awesome!

He is so rooting for you-

And he knows the other team is just fcked-

No way are they gonna win against you-

If you could win against the oldest demon brother

What’s in your way?

Like seriously just what is in your way?

And as expected, he was in awe when he heard you speaking.

That team got roasted (I’m putting you as the opposition alright?)

Yeah that’s right get fcked

That’s my human over there

They’re way smarter than all of you-

Had to stop Satan from making a scene like-

Oh my lord pls Satan

Don’t embarrass meeee-

And when you won, he was so proud and happy for you-

But at the same time he knows you would win anyways.

That team stood no chance against you

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me x reader #obey me x reader headcanons #obey me lucifer headcanons #obey me satan headcanons #obey me lucifer x reader headcanons #obey me satan x reader headcanons

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kayr0ss · 3 years

Text

An Opinion

[LWA, Diakko, Fluff, Established Relationship, Akko Gets Glasses, Oh my God Help Diana] AO3 Link

Summary: Wherein Akko gets glasses and the matter of Diana's opinion on them is of utmost importance.

---

This was way past the point of deniability.

She didn’t think her vision was that bad, but after a quick trip to the optometrist and the shocking reveal of how sharp the world actually looked to everyone else it became crystal clear to Akko. Pun intended.

The glasses were here to stay whether she liked it or not.

Her typical walk through the eastern wing of the dormitories came with newfound wonder and clarity. It was like turning up the graphics setting of her favorite game to ‘Ultra’—you didn’t think about how much better it could get until you saw it! She could read the signages down the hall with little to no effort (she used to think they were just far away), and wondered if the view of the courtyard was always this good.

She was advised to break them in slowly, but after the initial dizziness of the first half-hour her eyes seem to have adjusted to them quite well. She huffed, wrinkling her nose. There was an odd feeling of weight on the bridge that was bothering her.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Akko blinked, pulled out of her musings by a very confused Amanda.

“Something looks different.”

“You don’t say.” Akko laughed.

Amanda narrowed her eyes, gesturing all over her. “No! For real! Something is off. Why do you look smart?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Akko pouted.

“Shit, are those glasses?” Amanda leaned forward, smirking. “New look to woo a Cavendish heart?”

Akko giggled. “Don’t get me started on her. I’m probably going to get nagged because she was right about me reading in dim lighting this whole time.”

“Nah, I bet ten pounds she’ll say it’s cute.”

Akko shook her head with crossed arms. “Nope! I know better than to get into a bet with you.”

Amanda laughed. “Look at that, character development!”

“I now have all the wisdom that wire-framed lenses have to bring.” Akko said pointedly, throwing an exaggerated I’ve-got-my-eyes-on-you gesture towards her friend.

“I take that back though,” Amanda scratched at her chin, thinking. “She wouldn’t say ‘cute’, that’s too normal of a word. Bet she’d say some shit like ‘beauteous’ or something.”

“Wait—that’s a word?”

“Apparently!”

Akko shook her head. “She’d probably use something milder like ‘graceful.’”

“Radiant.”

“Comely?”

Amanda slyly raised an eyebrow. “Ravishing.”

Akko chortled, gently punching Amanda by the shoulder. “That’s it. Stop being mean to my girlfriend when she isn’t even here to defend herself.”

But their banter had left her with a light sense of curiosity. She strode towards the Blue Team dormitory with purpose, eager to collect Diana's most esteemed opinion.

---

“So I think it went better than expected!” Akko barged into Diana’s room with a skip in her step. “Well, in the sense that even though my eyesight did turn out to be bad it isn’t that bad. So no need for lenses like Professor Chariot’s—by Jennifer those lenses are thick. Like. Thick with two c’s kind of thick.”

Akko kicked off her shoes, tiptoeing on the carpet around Diana’s desk. She wrinkled her nose again—this is probably going to be a habit, huh—and continued with her rambling. “Anyway, I saw Amanda and she said it was weird that I looked smart which was totally uncalled for but also, like, is ‘beauteous’ really a word? And then we wondered—” Akko set down her things, taking off her travel coat and folding it neatly to settle on the foot of Diana’s bed. “—well,” she stuttered, wondering why it was that Diana seemed unable to even bother speaking up to say hello.

With a bit of flair and showmanship, she finally turned to face Diana.

“What do you think?”

At first she thought she was too busy studying to listen, but it seems Diana had been quietly looking at her the whole time.

“Diana?” Akko inquired softly, feeling self-conscious under the curious weight of her partner’s gaze.

Diana opened her mouth. Closed it. Blinked as if to shake herself out of a stupor, and then opened her mouth as though trying to say something again. All of this was accompanied by an endearing dusting of pink along her cheeks. Akko could see that she had dropped her attention in the middle of taking notes, the perfect script unraveling into a tapered line that ran towards the edge of the parchment.

“Uhm. Do you…” Akko rubbed at the back of her neck, smiling sheepishly. “…like it?”

Diana leaned back against her chair, turning to face Akko while reaching for the cuff of the younger witch’s sleeve. “A—” Diana began, blue eyes looking up to meet Akko’s but failing to complete her attempt at a sentence.

Akko furrowed her eyebrows. "You okay?"

The gentle grip on her sleeve was gone, replaced by a firmer one that pulled Akko in by the collar.

Oh!

“Dia?”

At eye-level with one another, Diana moved her hand up to brush against Akko cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before pulling her in gently, firmly, for a kiss.

Akko smiled against the woman’s lips, shoulders shaking in soft laughter because her glasses were awkward and inconvenient and very much in the way. But she kissed her back anyway, giggling and breathing in the moments in-between.

She pulled away. “So my guess is you like it.”

Diana's answer was to pull her back in.

She’d have to tell Amanda that neither of them were right—apparently Diana had nothing to say.

fin

A/N: Hello, I live. I'm always thinking of glasses Diana but now I am thinking of glasses Akko and if I could pull of writing a one shot where Diana doesn't even say a (full) word hehe

#Diakko #Dianakko #Diana Cavendish #Akko Kagari #amanda o'neill #LWA #Little Witch Academia #Fluff #Hehe #Fanfic #uwuwu #owowowo

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harrydracobang · 3 years

Text

Harry/Draco Big Bang Fic & Art: A Sense of Scale (Mature)

Title: A Sense of Scale Author: @fantalf Artist(s): @dragontamerdame Pairing(s): Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, background original pairing Other Key Characters: Original Male & Female Characters, brief Neville Longbottom and Narcissa Malfoy appearances, mentions to other canon characters Rating: Mature Word Count: ~70,000 Era: Post-Hogwarts, EWE Content/Warnings: POV Draco Malfoy, POV Third Person, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, Flying Instructor Harry Potter, Powerful Harry Potter, Castelobruxo, Magical Theory, ayahuasca, Misunderstandings, Housemates, Recovery, Mutual Pining, Possession, Dark Magic, Brazilian Folklore, Brazilian Folkloric magical creatures, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Draco Malfoy is a bit of a liar, POC Harry Potter, a bit of angst, wildfire, villainous character, Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Animal Violence, Animal Death, but it's brief, latin america, Indigenous Culture Magic and Gods, a lot of bonding, but not between humans, Tattooed Harry Potter, Implied Sexual Content, Neville Longbottom & Draco Malfoy Friendship, Supportive Narcissa Black Malfoy, seriously though I don't claim this story makes a whole lot deal of sense, Draco has an obscene amount of nicknames for Harry, he's also so oblivious, but get mad at him not me, a very stubborn sentient school, and a temperamental parrot, don't kill me for this, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Self-Worth Issues, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Entheogenic/psychedelic substance use (brief), Parselmouths & Parseltongue (Harry Potter), Familiars, Draco Malfoy Has Long Hair Summary: Potter merely shrugged, as if it was nothing. After all, it wasn’t his life’s work. “You can try to win it over.”

Draco snapped, “What?!”

“The school. Win it over.”

“How the fuck do I win a school over, Potter?! It’s a bloody school, not a person!” And he didn’t win people over that easily, overall.

“I don’t know. Use your charms. I know you to be very inventive.”

——

In which Draco spends an obscene amount of time thinking of new nicknames for The Living Git, lying to himself and using his charms to seduce an extremely uncooperative sentient school.

Author’s Notes: Somehow, when I joined the fandom back in January, my brain decided that BB was a great(!) fest to start writing fanfic. Boy, was I crazy. I clearly didn’t know better. I still don’t know what I’m doing half of the time, but I regret nothing.

So, let’s do it!

The name of the story and the quotes on the beginning of each part are from a poem called Detail of the Woods, by Richard Siken.

This is a crazy story that has no business making sense 100% of the time. That being said, there are some sentences in Portuguese throughout the fic. It’s totally understandable from the context and not knowing them won’t jeopardise your experience. But, if you’re really eager to know a bit of Portuguese, I left the translations on the endnotes of each chapter. There’s also I really long ending note—you’re free to ignore—about some history JK ignored when building Castelobruxo.

For this story, I researched a lot, and among my resources are the books Geografia dos Mitos Brasileiros by Luis da Camara Cascudo (Brazilian Myths’ Geography), and Lendas Indígenas (Indigenous Tales) by Iray Galrão; the YouTube channels of Felippe Barbosa and Ler Até Amanhecer (Read Until Dawn). The Moriaetem Potion is inspired by a real potion. I don’t intend to offend anyone, and I won’t claim to try to bring awareness about the question, because this story is purely for fun, but this is a genuine issue that has repercussions to this day.

SoS (pun intended) is totally self-indulgent and was born of my indignation with JK for what she’s done to this school. I wanted to make it right by writing something both fun and respectful about my culture, and though it might sound too insane at times, I love it and I hope you’ll also enjoy it.

BIG, incredible, enormous thank you to the following people: Chay, you’re one of the best best friends I could’ve wished for, thank you for putting up with my crazy ideas and encouraging me not to give them up. Tai, you’ve become a dear friend and your excitement and encouragement about this story kept me going (not only one of the OCs is named after you, but the story is also a gift for you). Crazybutgood… What can I say beyond thank you for being such an angel and such an important part of my life? You’re the best. Em and Spaceboundwitch, your eagerness and enthusiasm about SoS was contagious and made me cry. Thank you so much for all your work, guys.

Last, but not least, how can I not mention how perfect Ash’s been throughout this process? You’re the best artist I could’ve hoped for and I’m confident this was the perfect match. You captured so well the essence of my story and its characters and their differences, and I can’t thank you enough for that. Also, thank you mods for your work and for making this match happening. You can find their brilliant illustrations on chapters 11 and 15.

Disclaimer that the only characters I own here are Francisca, Fernanda, José, Berê, Lua, Tainara, Rudá, some school staff I don't remember the names and the animals. Unfortunately.

There's a playlist with the song on Chapter 8 and other songs I think fits the story's mood. You can find it HERE

No beings were harmed in the making of this story.

Without further ado… Enjoy.

Artist’s Notes: It’s been such a delight getting to have access to and illustrate Lory’s (wonderful, magical, brilliant, imaginative, fascinating) story. And for that, I have to give a big shout-out to the mods for being lovely and pairing me with the fic summary of my dreams. The scenes that I have illustrated sparked my imagination and creativity so much, although I felt the urge to sketch practically every scene as I went on to read the whole story. I hope my illustrations bring to life the tenderness and intimacy between Harry and Draco in the first scene, and the intensity and power of the magic in second scene. Please enjoy this wonderful fic!

READ AND VIEW ON AO3

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry art #draco x harry #harry x draco #harrydracobang #fantalf #dragontamerdrarry #fic post #2021 fest

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h2bakugou · 3 years

Note

Ok cool beans, I just wanted to check first! I wanted to request something with a socially anxious, real hates giving presentations and trying to talk to new people(but one that opens up with time)type person. It's Valentine's Day and they work up the nerve to give him honmei choco. I though this would be cute!

a/n: yess!! this is super cute, i did touch base so this request is for bakugou, thank you for the lovely request, i hope this is good since valentines day is right around the corner!!

summary: you’re shy and rarely open up, but with time, you came to get closest to the polar opposite of your personality, bakugou. and on valentines day, you decide to give him some honmei choco

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff

word count: 1.7k

;cut for length;

»»————-　★　————-««

Bakugou Katsuki. Loud, obnoxious, egotistical, bold, abrasive. The complete opposite of you, quiet, small friend circle, and socially anxious.

But despite the differences, and the vast contrasts of your character, you opened up to him.

You had been paired together on a project, and though you’d both much rather work alone, you toughed it out and headed to his dorm to work. And through minimal to soon a never-ending conversation, you became friends.

The following week, everyone was astounded that you’d begun talking and ‘hanging out’ regularly. Now when you were paired together, you got your work done first and spent the rest of the time chatting.

Bakugou hadn’t really known much about you before the project that started your friendship, all he knew was that he thought you were pretty cute. You were quiet, and based on your rather shy personality, he’d half expected you to avoid him at all costs due to his rather loud personality.

But you weren’t scared of him like he thought you would’ve been. Still, he’d steal a few glances in your direction during classes, or when talking breaks during training.

Valentine's day was coming up. You’d been thinking about confessing your feelings to Bakugou for a while, and if all went well, you’d be hopefully closer than friends. And if it all went south, at least you’d have yummy chocolate to eat.

Trying your best not to think of the negatives, your first goal was to hunt down Sato. You figured everyone was going to buy their chocolates and gifts, but you knew better than anyone that homemade sweets were always the best.

You were good friends with Sato, for more than just his amazing cooking. You’d passed the entrance exams together and when you found out you were in class 1-a together, it kind of further moved that friendship along. He was a pretty sweet guy, pun intended, and his food was always a plus.

Hunting him down was easy, he’d been just where you expected him to be, beside the kitchen reading a book on pastries. You leaned over the table and smiled.

“I know that look. To what do I owe my cooking services?” Sato smiled, marking the page in his book by folding the corner in. You smiled and cupped your hands together.

“I’d like to make some honmei choco.” You expressed quietly. You didn’t feel exactly confident in letting the entire class know you were making ‘true feeling chocolate’ to give to someone. You’d prefer if Mina didn’t know because as much as you loved her, she’d pry until you told her who it was for.

“To whom do i owe my cooking services?” Sato changed the context of his sentence with a devious grin. You rolled your eyes and sighed.

“I’d like to confess to someone, I can buy all the ingredients if you can help make them.” You offer to pay for all the supplies. Sato nods and glances over at where Kaminari, Kirishima, Bakugou, and Sero sat on one of the couches, Kaminari and Sero having a Beyblade battle.

“I’m sure Bakugou’s gonna love them.” Sato’s comment slips past you as you begin to speak.

“Yeah, I think he will too-wait!” You freeze and look at him, your face is hot and red as you stare at Sato.

“Please tell me-”

“I knew it.” Sato grins and hops up, walking into the kitchen to compile a list of all the things you’d need to buy that wasn’t already there.

“Just spare me until Valentine’s.” You sigh, following after him.

The list was fairly simple, so you were off to the store when it had been made while Sato prepared everything back in his room.

When you returned, you were stopped by Sero, one of your closer friends.

“Whatcha’ doin’ with Sato?” Sero asked, helping you with your bags up the stairs. Sero was really there trying to get the inside scoop for Bakugou who had been rather grumpy after seeing you with Sato.

“We’re baking!” You smile, thanking him for helping you carry your bags. Sero nods and pauses for a second.

“You gonna ask him to be your Valentine?” Sero asked bluntly. You freeze and shake your head.

“No! We’re just friends, where’d you get that idea?” You try to play it cool. You’d just friend-zoned one of your friends and now you felt kind of awkward.

“You guys seemed pretty closer earlier, was just curious. So do you have a Valentine at all this year?” Sero’s question was personal for sure, and it made your heart rate quicken.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to ask me-”

“No! Relax, no offense.” Sero laughs, you pat his shoulder and sigh.

“None taken. But I uhm, do have an idea. Just kind of nervous about it.” You were stopped down the hall from Sato’s room chatting.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be fine, just be confident! You’re totally badass, and if they decline, we’ll play Mario kart and eat pizza and snacks and I’ll knock some sense into them later.” Sero jokes. You giggle at his suggestion. You nod and take the bags from his hand and continue down the hall, feeling way better about what the future was to hold. You had this in the bag, you’d be fine.

Making the chocolate was fun. Of course, there were some fails, but the ones that turned out good were the ones you decorated and wrapped carefully, making them look pretty. The fails were still incredibly delicious, and Sato was rather impressed for the outcome considering it was his first go at making them.

“So you and Bakugou.” Sato wiped his mouth with a napkin after eating one of the first attempts. You sigh and nod.

“I didn’t think I’d like him. We’re polar opposites! He’ll kill me for saying this, but he’s really sweet.” You confess, staring down at the wine-red heart-shaped box you’d just set the chocolates in, carefully tying a matching red ribbon around it.

“You anchor him. I think he’s got a pretty big crush on you, but that’s just cause I’m observant.” Sato was reassuring you. He knew you were nervous, tomorrow was either going to be really good, or terrible. He respected Bakugou, but he didn’t know if his cooking was going to be able to console you if Bakugou didn’t like you back.

“What does that mean?” You question, staring at him quizically. Sato begins to elaborate.

“You’re the perfect amount of humble and quiet that shows him how peaceful things can be. He needs you to be the calm and serenity in his life.” Sato’s words drifted around in your head as you sat quietly, processing what he’d said.

“Thank you, for helping me make these, and for making me feel better.” You were confident. You were ready. The most nerve-wracking part was going to come tomorrow, when you stood before him and asked him to be your Valentine.

“Please, he’s going to ask you first, I know it.” Sato laughed, offering you one of the failed attempts. You quickly reach over and pop one into your mouth, smiling at the delightful taste.

The following day, you woke up early, took a shower, and put on an outfit you’d picked out the night before. A cute top along with a pair of cute pants to really make you feel good, you were hyping yourself up. Sato and Sero had both texted you telling you good luck, excited about how the day was going to turn out.

Bakugou had woken up fairly early as well. After Sero confirmed that Sato was in fact not your Valentine, he’d felt better about asking you. Sero had also informed Bakugou that you were planning on asking someone. Bakugou was nervous.

That was new.

He put on something casual, his plan was to ask you out to the park, maybe take you to lunch and buy you some flowers if you wanted. He’d been really stuck up on asking you out, not just to be his Valentine, but to be his altogether. He was going to do it. He had to ask you before-

A knock on his dorm room door interrupted his thoughts. He quickly jolted over to the door, buttoning up his shirt save for the top two buttons, leaving just a little bit of room for him to breathe.

You stood in all of your beauty, hair fixed nicely, your lips glossy and pink and perfectly kissable, your outfit something out of a daydream he’d had about you. In your gentle hands sat a red heart-shaped box.

“Hi, Bakugou.” You said softly. Bakugou’s eyes widened as he stared down at the box.

“Hey.” He replied, swallowing the lump in his throat. Were you-

“Will you be my Valentine?” You asked, offering him the box. Bakugou’s eye began to twitch.

You were asking him?

“I was supposed to ask you first dumbass!” Bakugou placed his hand on the top of your head carefully as to not mess up your beautiful hair.

“Huh?” You stare at him.

"Will you go out with me?” Bakugou asked. You bit your bottom lip and nodded, a smile slowly growing on your lips.

“Then yes I’ll be your Valentine.” Bakugou hummed, taking the box that sat in your hands. Opening it revealed the yummy honmei choco you’d worked on with Sato.

Taking a bite of one, Bakugou was thoroughly suprised. It was much better than anything store-bought. He offered you one.

“I made them for you, not for me!” You giggled. Bakugou admired you as your hands laid against one another, happy that he had enjoyed his chocolates.

“Let’s go out, come on.” Bakugou set the chocolates down in his room and grabbed a jacket, tugging you along down the hall.

Your hand slid into his and you wrapped your fingers around his. Bakugou tried to hide his blush by tilting his head down, but as you walked out you could hear the cheers of Mina, Sero, Kaminari, Kirishima, and Sato, congratulating the two of you.

The date went well considering the hoards of people out spending time with their significant others. The park was beautiful, and surprisingly, not packed. You’d suggested to stop and admire some of the scenery.

Pulling you into him, Bakugou tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Happy Valentine’s day, beautiful.” Bakugou’s lips collided with yours, his hands resting on your hips. You melted into his touch and his kiss, smiling as your hands rested against his chest.

The kiss was warm and sweet, his lips tasting vaguely of the dessert you’d shared at the small cafe you ate at.

Pulling away you nodded, resting your head against his chest.

“Happy Valentine’s day, handsome.”

“Tch.”

Handsome.

»»————-　★　————-««

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Milquetoast watches Return of the Prodigal Son

Return of the Prodigal Son S22xE9 Special Victims Unit: Episode Review

What this episode is about: ...I mean...see episode title. Seriously though...here’s a summary: The squad rallies around Det. Stabler to find the suspect behind a threat to his family.

What I think this episode is about: Elliot Stabler...where are your priorities? As much as things have changed, some things are still the same. Elliot Stabler: Loose Canon Cop on the Edge Benson & Stabler: I thought I was over you...holy shit! I was wrong.

So Olivia is just on her way to a random. I SAID RANDOM crime scene. Like...it's a car bomb so why was Olivia called to go there? Or is it because it was a 1013 and she was somewhat close so she went. Or is it because Olivia really just didn't want to go this award ceremony? Which I would believe that last one because that's totally on brand for her. I saw some scene on the youtubes where Fin is like you really should be there aka Elliot will be there and you deserve it. But home girl really doesn't like the spotlight on her.

I've seen this episode at least twice and this third time watching. I only just realized that Olivia is actually dressed up for the awards ceremony. Like this whole time I legit thought she REALLY doesn't want to go to this thing she's not even dressed for it. She's got on a dress and some really high heels.

They really SELL this scene with the music here.

Olivia's face of shock when she sees Kathy for the first time in ten years. Olivia already seems kinda helpless here. Like she's just all EMOTION and is just begging Kathy to talk to her. Kathy looks damned good for being car bombed. Why is Elliot not right there with Kathy? Is it because that shit is just too emotional and he needed some distance? Or is it because he's in shock and really can't move or is it because he wanted to concentrate on the case? I have so many questions.

Also Kathy's natural brown hair looks hella good.

Then of course we get...

Elliot: "Liv."

And it's just so damned EMOTIONAL! Olivia whipping her head back at him, at the sound of his voice. Her FACE! OH MY GOD her face! The look on her face says EVERYTHING. It brings her right back to where they used to be and you can see just how much she really loves him. The whisper of his name, the emotional swell of music. Which we later find out is their freaking love theme. When Olivia walks to Elliot you finally get a good look at his face and he's just in so much shock.

Curious why Kelly Giddish's name is before Ice T's in the credits.

This flashback we get of Olivia lost in remembering the last time Kathy's life was in the balance. It's really interesting just how thrown Olivia is in this whole episode. Fin is over here calling her name, while standing right next to her.

Fin to Olivia: "Liv, you okay?" NO! No damn it. Can't you see she's not okay. She can't even form a damned sentence here. She's in SO MUCH SHOCK. She's seeing the guy who ghosted her for the first time in 10 years. The guy who was everything to her, completely vanished from her life is suddenly back in a very explosive way. Pun definitely intended.

Give her a hug, Fin! She's desperately trying to focus but she is a MESS here.

Fin to Olivia: "They'd been living in Italy. Elliot had come in for some type of a task force meeting. Him and Kathy decided to make it a trip. He just called me out of no where and told me he was coming. I may have spoken about your award. I thought enough time had gone down between you too."

Olivia is curious AF as to where he's been and surprised that he wasn't even living in New York anymore. I know this really hadn't been addressed yet but...the fact that it was Elliot that reached out to Fin first, is really interesting to me. To me this suggests that he wanted to patch things up with Olivia and come back into her life. Reaching out to Fin is a nice easy way to ease himself back to where he had wanted to be. He wanted to know how Olivia was doing want she was up to but he was too chicken shit to contact her himself. Even though he clearly wanted to see her. This is something I want to be explored, which probably won't. What pushed him to want to see Olivia again?

Fin to Elliot: "Whatever you need." I love this! Despite the fact that this asshole abandoned Olivia, they are still there for him. He's got ALOT to make up for and I really hope we see that next seasons.

Elliot: "She was worried we were going to be late for your award. I meant to give you a call we were coming." CHICKEN SHIT! Elliot is chicken shit. This guy was just going to show up out of the blue and blind side her like that? That's soooo not cool. I do understand it though. Elliot is really good at running away from his emotions, especially when it comes to Olivia. Olivia just kind of dismisses it because for her, it's too emotional too. She buries her emotions under the case and is like i'll just deal with them later. Do we see that...I don't really think so. I really need Olivia over here dealing with her emotions regarding Elliot and his return. And I really still think that all we have gotten is just this episode.

Elliot: "Tell me she's going to be okay." Elliot over here seeking emotional support from Olivia because he knows that despite it all she will be there to catch him when he falls.

Kathleen: "Olivia...your here." Dickie's BEARD! He's got a HUGE beard! Kathleen is so surprised to see Olivia. It makes me wonder what she thought or what she was told. Did she think that Olivia was the one to walk away...? Elliot...what did you tell them? Knowing him though probably nothing. I still don't know how close Olivia was to the Stabler kids but they all know her (with the exception of Eli who was too damned young to remember who she is). And they all know how close she was to their dad, then suddenly she was gone.

Executive Producer Mariska Hargitay That right there! THAT WARMS MY DAMNED HEART!

Garland: "Any idea why he's in town?" Olivia: "Department meetings I don't know." He was in town to see YOU! I love how she hesitates. A part of her doesn't know but a part of her knows that he came to see her at her award cermony.

Olivia: "Five. I've known them all since they were in diapers." um...you've known ONE since he was in diapers. I get that she's pressing him to let her keep the case but why does she tell him this. Have the writers forgotten how long Elliot and Olivia have known each other? For their information, they were first partnered up 23 years ago. They'd been partners for one year before the start of season 1. Kathtleen was 12 in season 1. Lizzie and Dickie were about 5 or 6 (I think, that's young but not diapers).

Garland: "To be clear your running the investigation not him." Olivia: "Course." Famous last words. Olivia can't think clearly when it comes to Elliot as we are about to see. IF he had known anything about their partnership from back in the day he would have handed this case off to someone else.

So Kathy was thrown clear from the bomb, that's why she's still alive. I wonder if they were going to kill her off in the car bomb why did they make it so she was alive throughout the episode? So what's the point here? TO give her one last send off?

What is that shirt Rollins is wearing!? Fuchsia snakeskin print...oy! What happened to the costuming on this show. Carisi's wardrobe is fine but the women. Olivia is just in all black and all you see is her head...then that mess of a shirt that Rollins is wearing. Not to mention that this is the night Olivia was supposed to be getting her award and she's wearing a casual black shirt and casual black pants and a black overcoat. Did she really intent on going to this thing?

wait...so this guy was a protester at the captial riots. I completely missed that.

Carisi has the BEST and MOST typical new york accent of any actor I think I've ever seen.

Elliot: "Hi I'm Elliot Stabler, who are you?" I love how Elliot just strolls right in like ten years haven't gone by and nothing has changed. He's really like that bull in a china shop. Thinking that him and Olivia are just going to work on Kathy's case together. Strolling in like he owns the place, like he as a right to be there.

I love the looks on Carisi and Kat's faces like "who the fuck is this guy?"

Olivia: "You need to be at the hospital." Elliot: "Liv, I give you my word. I'll behave." OMG this scene is so tiny but so mighty. IF it's not clear as a bell here. Elliot should not be working this case and neither should Olivia. Olivia is right, he shouldn't be there he should be with Kathy. And in this episode for most of the time Elliot isn't by his wife side and is either with Olivia or attempting to work the case. He want to hurt the person that tried to kill Kathy. I get that, and he probably just doesn't want to deal with his emotions because that is also Elliot Stabler.

One of the things that I LOVE about this scene is the way it is shot. We have Elliot and Olivia off in this corner whispering to each other. You can see Carisi in the background but he's small and blurred. Elliot's face huge and looming over Olivia. It's intensely private but in a room with both Carisi and Kat. It feels as if it's just the two of them alone. The way that Elliot's talking to Olivia here...just gets me every time. He's just a big massive contradiction. He comes in there with PURE emotion, like a damned bull determined to get in there and rough the guy up for bombing Kathy. But then he's soooo damned soft when he talks to Olivia. He's not yelling at her, he's not angry with her. He's just so soft.

Olivia knows that letting him into that room as emotionally raw as he is, is a bad idea. But she can't help but give in. This is a HUGE corner stone of their relationship. At least once per season. Elliot had convinced Olivia to do something even if it was wrong. But she just couldn't help but not say no to him.

One of the great things about their partnership is that these are two people who love each other so deeply and their relationship is so big that it blocks everyone else out. This right here is the reason why Olivia did not and could not form any long term relationships with any other man besides Elliot, when he was in her life. And why she was only able to have them after he left.

I swear everyone but Fin in that squad room has GOT to be wondering just who in the hell is Elliot Stabler and why is Olivia bending over backwards for him. Why is it so easy for him to convince Olivia to do thing she shouldn't be doing. I REALLY REALLY want to know what their thinking. I need some conversations about this.

The way that Elliot paces around the bomber guy. I give Elliot credit here (in the beginning) because he does try and he is very calm here. This guy KNOWS exactly what buttons to push. He figures out really quickly that Kathy is Elliot's wife and uses that to his advantage to get Elliot to go off. And it works. Elliot is the last person that should be in that room. Olivia is just over in the corner watching and waiting for him to go off.

Bomber to Elliot: "That's gotta be tough. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with her?" That is the million dollar question. Priorities man, where are they?

OH GOD! The's rolling up his shirt sleeves. That's so not good.

"Okay, we are done!" I love Olivia over here pulling the plug on this. Knowing Elliot as much as she does and just how much anger is in there and the fact that Kathy was killed by this guy. But I also love that instead of charging at this guy here. Elliot backs off, pulls his shirt sleeves down and is about to exit the room. HE FREAKING LISTENED TO HER! The one person who can talk Elliot off a ledge.

I know that there's people that think that Elliot hasn't changed. But he has. There's so much stuff that he needs to learn. That's a given. But he isn't as angry as he used to be. And I know you may be like...but he's so damned angry in this episode. Yes, yes he is. You have to remember that Kathy was just bombed and later dies from it. So of course he's going to be angry but one he calms down (and it takes a while) in OC. You can see this especially in the way he deals with Wheatley.

Also it's really hot to see Olivia man handling Elliot. After the bomber guy makes one last attempt to push Elliot over the edge. Elliot charges at him and my girl over here freaking blocks him with her body. Gets him to focus on her.

This scene of them on the roof fighting is LONG over due. They have been dancing around each other this whole episode (and their feelings). I had really forgotten that the roof is really their place, where they go to let their emotions out. For those of you that had been watching since Elliot left...did Olivia go up their to let her emotions out? Or was this strictly just their place? Did she avoid it because he was gone?

I feel like as much as she's yelling at him. She's also yelling at herself for letting her LET him into that room again. She knows him better than he knows himself but she still allowed him to go in there. To be clear I'm not blaming Olivia for Elliot being Elliot. I'm just pointing out that Olivia KNOWS Elliot - and knows he can't quite hold his emotions when he's emotional.

Elliot: "SO what you write me up a rip there, Captain." Olivia: "You know what Elliot." YES YES GIRL! Go after him! Call him a son of bitch like you used to. Because he is an asshole and he's being one right now.

Dickie: "Dad. Dad- do you answer your phone?" Elliot: "What is it? What's the matter?" Dickie: "She's awake, Dad. Mom's awake. Let's go!" The fact that Dickie called his dad (and probably the other kids called and texted multiple times). The fact that Dickie had to go DOWN to SVU to track down his dad. Then walk his ass all the way up to the roof just to get his dads attention. Priorities! Elliot..and yes we will talk about this.

Also Dickie looks like a 35 year old man but still sounds like he's 17. That gives me life...also I understand that. I just have to look in the mirror everyday.

Fin: "How'd that go?" YOU KNOW WHAT FIN!? OMG you crack me UP! I love FIN! He knows what's up. HE says this so damned dry. LIke he KNOWS. He fucking knows how that went. She just ignores him! hahahah!

The three of them together again! Gaaah!

Carisi: He shouldn't be alone in that room when Kathy wakes up and tells him what happens. Olivia: I'm going over there. Me: NEITHER ONE OF THEM SHOULD BE THERE FOR THIS! I KNOW SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING BUT...GAH! THERE'S THIS THREEWAY MARRIAGE HERE. AND NONE OF THEM ARE OBJECTIVE.

Kathy to Olivia: "I'm sorry I ruined your big award ceremony." Why is Kathy apologizing for getting blown up? Like seriously!? Olivia is like, I really didn't give a shit about that. Kathy is like all sweet and nice. Like sorry I got blown up. What kind of priorities do these people have!?

First of all...this is the last scene with Kathy before she dies. The fact that it's with both Elliot and Olivia. The fact that it's so emotional and so awkward. Kathy remembers nothing about what happened. She isn't any help to them in the investigation but what's revealed here is HUGE.

Kathy to Olivia: "You really didn't talk for ten years." Olivia: "I didn't know he was back on the job." Kathy: "That's what Elliot told me. I didn't believe him." Olivia: "It's true, Kathy." Kathy seeing Elliot and Olivia together for the first time in ten years. Seeing how much they are like their old selves and how easily they fall right back into old patterns. Just how much they fit together. She can't believe that they hadn't talked for a decade. To her it feels like nothing had changed.

But what's interesting is that...Kathy didn't believe Elliot when he told her he didn't talk to Olivia. The fact that Kathy believes Olivia over her her own husband. I don't know what to do with that. We know that Elliot's never physically cheated on Kathy but the fact that Kathy knew in her heart that Elliot's heart really belonged to Olivia. She never stopped believing that.

It's so tragic that the three of them were just trapped in this bad situation. And if it's not clear as a bell here that none of them forgot. Olivia still thought about Elliot, as much as she tried to move on. She finally had some successful relationships, had a son, but could never fully commit to anyone. Elliot who freaking ran to Italy to run away from his feelings for Olivia and it didn't work. Kathy who dwelled on whether or not Elliot and Olivia were still talking to each other.

Olivia leaving the room like that to let them have their time together. Just so full of angst! Shutting that hospital door (what the hell kinda door is that anyway!?), freaking just looking at them before she forces herself to leave all together. Knowing how much she really hadn't moved on as much as she had thought. Finding herself right back into that situation she had been, 10 years before. In love with a man married to someone else. On the outside looking in. And I know that there was a hospital scene JUST like this in 1.0, in which Olivia is on the outside looking in on the two of them.

They are all kidding themselves if they all thought they were over this. That they had all moved on. I am just so confused. Kathy wanted to go to Olivia's award ceremony but also worried that Elliot was still talking to Olivia behind her back. So why did Kathy want to go? This is the question that I don't really understand. I did read somewhere, someone had thought that Kathy knew that Elliot had wanted to go but wasn't going go. So she talked him into it. This is the ONLY explanation that to me - actually makes sense. What do you all think?

OMG! THIS SCENE! Man. IF you thought that last scene was emotional...DAMN here comes the apology scene!

What do I love about this scene? It's everything I could have wanted (and yes I do want more, they have MORE to talk about) but it's also perfect. Elliot starting in on apologizing for coming into the station like a bull in a china shop. I love that Elliot has taken a step back and looked at his behavior and realized that's kinda messed up. After he has cooled down and gotten some perspective. And he's trying to be respectful of Olivia because he respects her and you know he's damned proud that SVU is her's now.

He sits right down next to her. Trying to connect to her, trying to apologize and what does she do? She freaking moves away from him! Like if you didn't know Elliot. Those walls are UP! They are ten feet high! She knows she's way too emotionally caught up in him and home girl needs some space figuratively and emotionally from him. In order to get her barings.

Elliot: "Liv, I'm sorry." Olivia: "Elliot. We don't have to do this." She's been waiting TEN FUCKING YEARS to hear him say that to her! A freaking decade! She tells him we don't have to do this but what she really means is that she's not ready to go into it. But he gives her this look in his eyes of just how heartbroken he is and just how damned guilty he is for doing what he did. And how he's waited like a freaking day to tell her (and to him that's probably a day too long) how sorry he is. But YES! YES HE DOES NEED TO THIS. You need it! He needed it. We needed it.

Olivia: "You wana do this now? Are you sorry for leaving? Or are you sorry for walking - for not giving me the courteously of telling me." They are so damned emotionally raw in this scene! SO RAW! Their feelings are just spilling out that both of them have to catch themselves from saying too much. Because for all of their partnership and all that they felt. They never put a voice to their feelings. And since their so emotionally wounded and knocked sideways from seeing the other (particularly Olivia because Elliot had time to come to grips with this). That their feelings can't HELP but come out.

The dialog is soooo interesting in this scene. Because here she almost says: "Are you sorry for walking out on me?" Like she was his wife. But then she catches herself because she wasn't his wife. But emotionally, yes she was. Elliot: "I think if I talked to you about how -" What was he going to SAY!? Because she cuts him off. She needs him to hear her. If they want to do this and have an honest conversation about him leaving, why he left and how much it hurt her. I think he was going to tell her "I think if I talked to you about how I felt about you." Because from the moment he's back in her life he's so damned open about his feelings for her (and I know, part of that is from losing Kathy, part of that is the PTSD and part of that is from how much he's grown and grown more comfortable with who he is). I'm not sure if she knew what he was going to say. If she knew but didn't want to hear it and that's why she cuts him off.

Olivia: "You were the most, single most, important person in my life and you just - disappeared." This LINE gets me. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. The fact that he left and knew that she had NO ONE else. And I get it. Because to me the ONLY explanation is that he was burnt out and emotionally messed up from having to kill that kid. And that his marriage with Kathy was on the rocks but he had a choice to make. And he choose to keep his family together not because he wanted to but because that's who he is. And how much he desperately did not want to be his father. And how leaving Olivia gave her the freedom to find some kind of happiness (that she would not have found otherwise).

Elliot: "I was afraid. That if I heard your voice, I wouldn't have been able to leave." Just the sound of her voice would have made him stay. Would have made him leave his family. And he knew that he would have fucked all of them over if that had happened. I really need this to be explored more next seasons. That is some POWERFUL stuff! But like... he couldn't have just written her a letter telling her this?

And then Olivia is so freaking distraught that she can't even remember the exit to a hospital that she's been to a thousand times!

Garland is so damned confused. After seeing Elliot charge at their suspect and reading his file. He doesn't get it. All he see is a cop who's just angry and a guy who shouldn't be anywhere near this case (he shouldn't) and is just confused as to why in the hell Olivia wants anything to do with him.

Olivia: "Look he got too rough back in the day but it wasn't just testosterone. But it was because he cared so much." Olivia isn't excusing his behavior here but she is defending him. Telling him she doesn't see him as so black and white. I also love how Olivia is like...Elliot wasn't the only problem child, I was too. I get the feeling that Olivia isn't as volatile as she used to be and so Garland isn't really used to seeing Olivia like this. But I think he's starting to realize that partnership ran deep and it still runs deep. And that he really needs to watch them.

I don't know how I feel about Fin in a bright red jacket. That's a whole lot of color for the SVU wardrobe.

Kat is also Garland asking Fin about Elliot. And realizing that Elliot's anger isn't something that was anything new to any of them. And that Fin and Olivia are both too close to him to really see straight. Fin backing Elliot up so much is kind weird to me. Because the two of them were never really all that close to begin with and also Fin KNOWS how much Elliot meant to Olivia. And to me if anyone should be pissed at Olivia for leaving, it's Fin. BUTTTT maybe he just kind of understands why Elliot left and why couldn't contact Olivia.

Elliot: "Kathy was the one that insisted we go to Liv's ceremony." I know we talked about this earlier...but...if Kathy knew how much of a hold Olivia was over Elliot. Why? Why tempt fate? Elliot was really just going to go and blindside Olivia at the award ceremony without giving her a heads up. Elliot Stabler...what the fuck!? He's such a chicken shit.

Elliot: "I know I told you and then I meant -- I just felt that so much time had passed that I couldn't reach out to you both." Fin: "I get it." Fin telling Elliot he gets it. Because I had completely forgotten that if anyone would understand it would be Fin. As I had forgotten his strained relationship with is son.

Fin: "Let me bring you up to speed. Liv, moved on. It took her a minute but she moved on. She has a son, now. She's had a few relationships. One was pretty solid." Elliot: "A son. Good for her. Who's the guy?" Fin: "You'll have to ask her that."

The dialog in this episode man! They are not HOLDING anything back here. Fin telling Elliot that she moved on. That it took her some time but that she moved on, she has had some relationships and had a son. Like...the fact that this is what fin wants to talk about and tell Elliot. He KNOWS exactly what they meant to each other. The wording he used: "she moved on." That is something you tell someone whom you were in a relationship. Like a romantic relationship. There would be no reason to say 'moved on', if their relationship had been strictly platonic. If it had been just a sibling like relationship. There would have been no need for her to move on.

Elliot's face falls when Fin tells him she's had a few relationships and that one was serious. Did he really think that she hadn't had any while he was gone? This is that old Stabler coming back who was jealous and possessive when it came to Olivia. I love how Elliot's emotions swing back and forth from, jealousy to happiness that she was finally able to have a child that she had desperately wanted, to possessiveness and hurt that she moved on. To curiosity as to who the hell knocked her up and who was the serious relationship.

I love how Fin tells him this but doesn't tell him who. Doesn't give him anything but base details. Lets him think that she gave birth to Noah. Lets him be jealous and wonder because he should wonder. He doesn't have any right to her, he left her. Fin dropping all of this new information on him and also encouraging him to talk to her. Because he knows they need to talk but they are still dancing around each other and using him as a go between.

Elliot and Olivia are wearing the same clothes. That they were wearing during Elliot/Olivia and Kathy's last scene. Is this the same day or did they just not change clothes? Elliot just growing that stubble is hot but also a nice touch. Really makes sense as to his emotional headspace.

Olivia: "You too? Phoebe just said I love you and you couldn't say it back?" FIRST OF ALL! I love Olivia calling Fin out on that! Like you love this women, Fin! You need to appreciate her and give her back what she needs. Fin is terrible at expressing emotions, so hopefully we will actually see him say ILY to Phoebe in season 23.

Also I love that it's Olivia calling Fin out on this because she is basically Fin's sister at this point. And keeping it real between them is their whole relationship. I haven't mentioned it yet maybe a little bit but I love their relationship in this episode. Fin is kind of the wingman in the E/O relationship in this episode but he's also Olivia's brother. Who loves her and wants to protect her and wants to see her happy.

Second of all, I love a good foreshadowing moment. But to be fair to Olivia his kids were in the room and Kathy had just died.

I love how Olivia hates to ask Elliot for his case files. But of course if she asks he'll do anything for her. But I know this girl is curious AF as to what he's been up to these years and it's a great way for her to learn without actually talking to him. She seems so proud of him as to all the things he's been working on in the meantime. She way she tells Kat and Rollins this!

I do love that Rollins shuts the door to Olivia's office. Signaling that this is a personal conversation, and the parallel scene to Elliot and Fin's talk.

Rollins: "From what he told me. You and Stabler had a ...complicated relationship." IF that's not the understatement of the year! I love the delivery of this line. I feel like Rollins knows more than what Olivia is saying by the way she delivers that line. Rollins wasn't there for E/O but she got their right after Elliot left and she saw how that effected Olivia. How it effected Olivia's partnership with Nick. I don't know much about Rollins and Carisi but I do know that they were partners before he became an ADA. So I kind of feel like she understands things about E/O because of her relationship with Carisi and the similarities between the two.

Perp: "I would have taken you both for cops." (about Fin and Carisi) Fin: "Yeah he gets that a lot." I never notice this line before but...why do they keep subtly bringing up the fact that Carisi has cop vibes because he used to be a cop. Elliot ragged on him earlier about this. It's kinda funny though.

Elliot: "The accounts are locked and I told them not to." I know that this is supposed to reassure us that his kids didn't talk about Elliot & Kathy being back in town but...their accounts are locked. What are they five? His kids are adults. With the exception of Eli - he can't lock their accounts. This just sounds so weird to me.

Olivia: "That's why you need to be here with Kathy." Elliot wants to jump right back into the old days where him and Olivia were partners. He wants to work this case but they aren't partners anymore. This case is Kathy and he's too damned close to work it objectively. And I agree with Olivia he really needs to be with Kathy and not running around trying to catch who did it. More on this later.

Rollins looks so comfortable in that interrogation room with her foot up on the table. So is...Fin, Rollins' partner? Or is Fin like both Rollins and Kat's partners because there is an odd number of detectives on the squad? What's up with that? Where is the missing detective. This has got to be the smallest squad. They only have three cops and a Captain who works cases.

Now I get it! Carisi is the ADA who thinks like a cop because he used to be one and that's why the dude called him out as a cop.

hahahaha the plexi glass in front of the judge does exactly what with that HUGE whole in the middle? Maybe it's so no one can spit at him from the sides. Speaking of Covid there is a distinct LACK of face masks in this. I get that they wouldn't have their leads wearing masks but people in the background don't seem to be wearing them.

When Olivia gets the call from Elliot that Kathy died. There is no dialog and I love that because what the hell could she have said? Probably just told him she'd be there. The look on her face when she finds him outside of Kathy's room! She has to take a second to get herself together, takes a breathe so she can keep it together to be strong for him. Despite the fact that Elliot ghosted her for ten years she is still THERE For him when he needs her. She's doing her best to put her emotions aside to focus on him and what he needs because this moment isn't about her or how she feels.

She tucks her feelings away and he hugs her. Needing that comfort from her because he knows that she'll catch him when he falls. I love how he can let his tears fall now that she's there. He is teary eyed when she gets there but doesn't actually cry until she is hold him! He buries his head her neck and then she finally lets herself enjoy this moment. Even if it's a moment of devastation.

The way she closes her eyes and just holds him. Like this is something they had both wanted for so long and it's only been during huge emotional moments that they have allowed themselves an embrace like this. I love this hug so much because he's much more expressive with his feelings there than he has ever been.

There are tiny bits of "She's Gone/Kathy's Funeral" playing very very softly under this scene.

Elliot: "Her spleen ruptured. They took her into surgery but it was too late." The fact that Kathy didn't die from the blast but from subsequent injuries is fascinating. I'm not sure if they just didn't want to start the episode with her dead. Or if they wanted to give Kathy a moment before she dies. Although I do know that this episode was rewritten a LOT, partially due to Covid and partially due to M&C wanting their reunion to hit right. And daaammn does it hit right! The ONLY thing about this is that Kathy had to die.

Elliot: "I didn't get to say goodbye." Why did you not get to say goodbye? I have thoughts about this...more on that later though. Olivia is over here just completely stunned and can't even get the words out of her damned mouth.

Elliot: "I just don't get it. We were happy." I have thoughts about this too...just how happy were you? I do get that they did find some kind of happiness in their marriage when they were in Rome. BUT! Things between them weren't really as rosy as he likes to make it out to be. The fact that he called Olivia first, over his kids! He needed her to be strong for him to catch him because she is is his rock. She keeps him stable, she always has.

Carisi to Perp: "Your on borrowed time." um...no offense Carisi but we never see this dude again.

So Garland taking Olivia off the case is probably the right move. I think he's figured out that Olivia is just too involved and even if she tries to be objective she can't be. I think with him seeing Elliot go off on their suspect in the interrogation room and about to beat him. He thinks that Olivia will let Elliot back in there and he might not be wrong about that.

Have we ever seen Elliot in a church before? I mean we all know the dude is Catholic but I don't remember ever see him in a church outside of a crime before. I could be wrong about this there are like 6 seasons left for me to watch with him in it that I don't quite remember.

I guess they really have just cast the OG Stabler kids (Dickie and Kathleen) and that's why we only see them in this episode. Gahh! THis scene! This whole episode is so damned heartbreaking. Olivia went to go comfort Elliot only to find his kids already there so she keeps her distance. This scene is a nice mirror to the hospital scene. The one earlier in the episode when it's Elliot/Olivia/Kathy, and Kathy is about to go to sleep so Olivia slips out of the room. Olivia looks in for a bit at the two of them with such emotion in her eyes. She's the one on the outside looking in at the man she's in love with who's married to another women. And then we have this scene here where she's on the outside looking in, again. But this time Kathy is gone and Elliot is looking back at Olivia. This time the door is open and there is such symbolism in doors!

Episode Themes: Elliot Stabler...where are your priorities? So something that's been bugging me this whole episode is Elliot Stabler and his priorities and like what the hell...? So I do dig Elliot Stabler, but he does have issues. One of them is his temper and his tendency to assault suspects. The other one is this... This dude thought it was a great idea to pop in on his old partner. The one he abandoned, during her award ceremony in public without calling her first to give her heads up. That is some chicken shit stuff man. I get that he was scared but like he had to face that shit eventually if he was going to come back into her life. And him popping up at her awards dinner was a terrible idea.

Further more...Kathy is blown up and in the hospital. It's touch and go with her and he's off trying to solve this case and chasing after Olivia. I get it, he's in love with Olivia and he wants it to be the old days again (it's not). I understand that this is a dude that loves running away from his feelings but seriously even Olivia was like you need to be with Kathy.

Even Elliot’s kids called him and when he didn't answer. Dickie has to track him down on the roof of SVU to drag him down to the hospital. I'd say get your shit together but now he's got PTSD and he's all over the damned place in OC season 1.

As much as things have changed, some things are still the same.

Elliot Stabler: Loose Canon Cop on the Edge I think this is the biggest thing bringing back Stabler. With the current police climate the way it is, finally shining a light on police brutality. And Elliot having a HUGE reputation for his raging temper and assaulting suspects. This is a thing that needs to be addressed, with his character. Is he different? Has he changed and if not...how can we change him into the hero that he needs to be? Because if he's a cop now, headlining his own show. He can't be the cop that he once was.

So it gets addressed here. You've got two perspectives, Olivia & Fin (the old guard who knew Elliot back in the day) vs the new guard (Rollins, Kat, Carisi and Garland). Kat knows nothing of Elliot, she doesn't know who he is or who he was. All she is getting his what she heard, which isn't exactly wrong information.

Kat: "Uni's in the squad room where saying the way he treated jacob wasn't a one off. They seen him go off on suspects before."

Fin: "He did. But that was then, he knows things have changed." Kat: "Have they?" We have Olivia and Fin both sticking up for Elliot (because they know him, who he is and why he did the things that he did) We get this scene with Garland and Olivia.

What is this angle? Why are we dutch angling Olivia in Garland's office? Dutch angles suck. We get one shot of a dutch angle and that's it so it doesn't feel intentional.

Garland: "My sense from his affect and his record that this is a cop who's used to taking this over the line and getting away with it." Olivia: "Look he got too rough back in the day but it wasn't just testosterone it was because he cared so much."

Olivia: "Chief, I'm not making excuses for him and I'm not apologizing for him. But I believe that he changed.”

Well, He's not wrong. Olivia and Fin both seem convinced that he's not the same person he was back then but they haven't seen more than a day or two at this point. So what do they think about him has changed why do they think that? Or is this just a case of them closing ranks on him because he was so important to them (well really Olivia).

I can say from what I have seen that while Elliot still has that temper in him, he isn't the same brash cop he used to be. I think that he was only aggressive because it was basically that same night that Kathy had been bombed and he was the most emotionally fucked up he was ever going to get. While he'll get angry, we won't seem him be so brutal like he used to be. Great examples of this are the last few episodes of season 1 of Organized Crime. He has a great handle on his temper when he could have gone off and would have in the past.

Garland: "...a night college degree." I know absolutely nothing about Garland but from this line...I know that he grew up a rich boy! Elliot struggled to make a career because he got married so young and had to go to school at night. And there is nothing wrong with that. So why are you dude being all huffy about it? That is not something to be held against Elliot. His temper yes? How he was aggressive yes. Definitely, that's something to keep an eye on but a night school degree? No sir.

Benson & Stabler: I thought I was over you...holy shit! I was wrong.

Maybe they had thought that they'd gotten over the other but that is dead ass wrong. If there is one thing that this episode proves is that these two are still in love. They are still emotional caught up in the other to the point where it blinds them and neither of them has the ablity to be objective. Even if they try to be. From the moment that Olivia and Elliot see each other again it is obvious they are still in love. And I know that those words (until the airing of this episode) hadn't been spoken to the other but I do think that it had been clearly established how the characters felt about each other.

Olivia is doing her best to not get so emotionally caught up in him. She's got walls ten feet high, when Elliot wants to sit down and apologize to her. She gets up and takes a step away from him. She has to physically remove herself from him to get a clear head. He tells her just the sound of her damned voice would have made him stay put. That is some powerful stuff my friend.

Olivia is the very first person that Elliot calls when Kathy dies. He calls her because he knows that she can give him comfort and that she will be there for him. After Kathy dies Elliot says that him and Kathy were happy in their marriage but I wonder about that. Kathy still thought about Olivia and Elliot. She still wondered if Elliot was talking to Olivia and even asked Olivia to conform it. The fact that Kathy didn't believe Elliot is very telling. The whole episode Elliot is running around after Olivia instead of staying in the hospital with Kathy. Elliot is so caught up in Olivia and the old days. Dickie even has to track him down because he's not answering his phone.

We've even got both Fin and Amanda wingmaning them.

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Final Thoughts:

They really just throw Olivia into this situation and to see what she's going to do. How she's going to handle it. She tries at first to keep a clear head but that's already out the window when it comes to Elliot. She's too close to this, Elliot's too close to this. Neither of them should be on the case. I know if the Chief was Cragen then he (probably) would want to keep the case but would know not to have Olivia handling it or have Elliot anywhere near it.

Since Garland doesn't know Elliot and he wasn't around E/O during their partnership. He don't know that objectivity is not something the two have when it comes to the other. I mean this is the guy that mortgaged his own house to get his partner out of jail. The partners that would CONSISTANTLY cover the other (no matter WHO was asking, including Dad who was the first to go to bat for them).

From the beginning of Elliot's return it's really clear that they are playing them as a romantic pairing. I know that there are a lot of people who are split on the issue but it's really made clear to me that it's meant to be romantic. Olivia's reaction to seeing Elliot the first time in ten years does not say platonic. It screams this is the guy I'd been in love with and thought I was over and holy shit I'm not over it. Not to mention they have actually went out and written a love theme. Thank you, Ruth Barrett.

So I have mixed feelings about Kathy's death. On one hand I do want E/O to hook up and from the direction of his return i'd be very surprised if that didn't happen. But killing off yet another mother in television is just...a trend that I don't like and since two of my favorite characters that were killed off (in other shows) were also middle aged mothers...I don't like this and it is problematic. One reason it does make sense is that Isabel Gilles is retired from acting so with the return of Elliot Stabler, that meant the return of his family. So in order to get rid of Kathy you have two options and that's divorce or death. I don't know if they would have gone for the divorce angle because of how staunchly catholic Elliot is and how much faith and commitment are a part of his character.

Great episode. Amazing episode! Seriously...where are the Emmy nominations for this episode!? It hits so many emotional highs. I hadn't seen SVU in about 10-9ish years (I did try to watch the show when Chris left but I lost interest around season 13.) I just think that with Chris gone Mariska did not have an equal partner for her to play off of and I think that's what I found lacking from the show. SO since he's back they really dig in deep for this episode and I'm so thankful they did that. When Chris/Elliot left it didn't sit right for anyone. As he was the main character on this show and just so suddenly left. It left a hole in the audiences hearts as well as Olivia's.

#svu #svu: season 22 #olivia benson #elliot stabler #kathy stabler #benson and stabler #bensler #the return of their emotional affair #olivia standing on the outside looking in #thats imagery is back!#benson and stabler are back and it's angsty af!#return of the prodigal son

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