#the warm feeling of community when someone gives me a sticker

[hotcryptidsinyourarea]

Falling for the Frogman of Loveland, Ohio

story synopsis: Molly is a 30-something cookbook editor who has decided to move from New York to Loveland, Ohio after a bad breakup and a desire for a fresh start. She is instantly attracted to her neighbor Jeremiah's midwestern charms, but this local guy is much more than meets the eye...

human (she/her) + interdimensional humanoid frogman (he/him) cw: social anxiety, existential pondering, negative self-talk

Chapter 3

My body and mind are so exhausted, I sleep in an hour later than I usually do. The fact that my new bed is very comfortable also facilitates this late start, but I don’t really have it in me to complain about that. I finally pry myself from between the sheets and get dressed for my first full day in my new home. First thing’s first: coffee. 

I do a quick search for the closest non-chain coffee shop to my place. Part of the appeal of moving to a smaller community is supporting the local business culture. Never again will I spend $10 on a tall, burnt-ass latte from the Bucks. There’s one on Loveland Madeira alongside all the other fast food chains, but I’m going to avoid it like the plague. It’s the weirdest thing in New York: everybody talks about how much they love their neighborhood coffee shops, but no matter when or how you see them in real life, there will always be that ubiquitous siren-logo’d cup planted firmly in hand. It’s like some grand delusion we all pretend we’re not a part of. 

No that I think people in a small town are paragons of virtue or anything. I know there is hypocrisy and assholes everywhere you go. But you spend enough time in one place and eventually you have the right to gripe about it as much as your little black heart desires! Or that’s what I tell myself, I guess. Part of me will always love New York and I truly look forward to going back and visiting. But the agitation I feel at just a passing reminder of the city tells me I made the right move leaving town. I just hope this place ends up being where I’m supposed to be. 

Well, what better way to get a feel for a new town than running a couple of normal, domestic errands? Namely: coffee. Let’s fucking gooooooo!

_____________________________________________________________

I’m loving the decor at the Blue Chip Roasters coffee shop. The amount of hearty wood furnishing and exposed burl fixtures gives it a Twin Peaks vibe without being derivative. It’s warm and homey and the scent of fresh coffee brewing makes my mouth water. There’s a huge wraparound counter that isolates the staff area behind the machines and cash register, which lines up with the doorway so you can walk right up to it. On the other side of the counter are bar stools occupied by various coffee drinkers who are all immersed in their books or laptops. It’s simple but welcoming. A satisfactory first impression, for sure. 

It’s a blessedly simple menu. They only have two types of milk, whole and oat, but I’ve never strayed from the classic whole milk-coffee combination anyways. Full fat means full flavor and that’s what I want. I order a double iced latte and a cinnamon roll for breakfast. As I drop in a dollar for tip, I notice the jar is covered in stickers and such all depicting some artists’ renditions of an anthropomorphic frog. In big block letters it reads: 

>> DON’T FROG-ET TO TIP! - LFM <<

“Who is LFM?” I ask the girl working the register. 

“Oh, it stands for Loveland Frogman. You’ve never heard of it?” 

“I can’t say that I have, but I’m new in town. Like, brand new.” 

“Oh, well it’s just a dumb local legend. Years ago, a couple cops saw a lizard standing on its hind legs and told everyone they saw a Frogman. Locals have kind of taken it on as a mascot of sorts even though it’s fake as fuck.” 

“It’s NOT fake,” says the kid behind the espresso machine pulling shots. “The Frogman is real. That lizard story is a cover-up ordered by the FBI. Ask anyone from around here and they’ll tell you a story about them or someone they know spotting him at some point.” 

“That’s ridiculous,” the cashier rolls her eyes. “The people that claim to see him are just dumbasses lying so they can be the center of attention for a moment. Either that or meth heads.” 

“It wasn’t a frog at all,” says a third worker sweeping something up behind the counter. “It was an alien. A being from another dimension. That’s why the FBI wanted to cover him up. No one cares about some overgrown science project.” 

The local color of it all has me stunned silent. I am not used to talking this much with strangers. Honestly, I felt like I was pushing it by asking the cashier in the first place. I was half expecting a snide fuck-if-I-know dismissal. And now after instigating the conversation, I find myself at a loss for words. Great! I have no idea how to get out of this in the correct, polite way. I’m a decade out of practice. Thankfully, a voice coming from a bar stool in my periphery offers me a blessed interjection to keep me from looking as dumb as I feel.  

“Don’t listen to them. They’re just messing with you because you said you’re new in town. We don’t get a lot of ‘new’ around here often. A lot of the same,” says the guy. I turn to look at him, remembering the most rudimentary of manners, but what I see doesn’t help my muteness because this dude is good looking. 

Very good looking, one might say. 

Ridiculously, if you’re so inclined. 

I get that feeling in my chest that makes me feel like I’m twelve years old again and my friend Jessica’s older brother Adam would walk in the room while we watched TV– like it’s suddenly difficult to to take a full, deep breath and a heat spreads across my shoulders and chest. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. I am completely flustered. I break eye contact to fumble through my wallet for an extra couple dollars to throw in the tip jar. Fuck! I need to work on my spontaneous conversation skills. I wasn’t expecting to experience culture shock quite to this extent, but I guess even just one state away is a whole other place, isn’t it? 

“Where are you from?” asks the guy. A straightforward question that I am perfectly capable of answering… hopefully. 

“I moved here from New Yor–” I manage to croak out, stumbling over that last syllable. I clear my throat. “York. I moved here from New York.” 

“New York City?” 

“The very one.” 

“Why would you leave New York to come to Loveland of all places?” he asks. “Most people are doing everything in their power to make it out of here.” 

“Oh, you know, sometimes the place a person needs is the last place you’d expect,” I reply. Looking back at the cashier, they have an incredulous look on their face like I’m speaking crazy talk. 

“Whatever you say, lady.” They hand me my coffee, my transaction finally complete. I lift the cup in salute and give a tight mouthed smile to the hot guy at the bar. He lifts his cup in return, a good humored smile plastered on his face. 

As I leave the coffee shop and settle into the driver’s seat of my car, I’m suddenly hit with the realization that I answered that hot guy’s question with the kind of trite bullshit normally reserved for Pinterest quotes. 

“Sometimes the place a person needs is the last place you’d expect,” I repeat back to myself. “What the FUCK does that mean, you dumbass weirdo bitch?” The heat I felt across my chest has definitely spread across my face. Luckily, there’s no cute coffee guy to see my embarrassment as I drive back home. 

_____________________________________________________________

Once I’m back home with my coffee and cinnamon roll, I park it back outside on the iron patio set and enjoy my breakfast. With a little food and caffeine in my system, I realize I may have been overreacting to the little interaction at the coffee shop. It probably wasn’t as bad as it was in my head. I was just hungry and fatigued from moving. No big deal. 

I hear the doorbell and go to let the internet installation technician inside. I’m impressed that he showed up so early in the estimated service window. It wasn’t uncommon for me to wait all day for a tech in New York only for no one to show up when they said they would. The next day or so, I’d often get a call while out and about. 

“Hi ma’am it’s George from Concast. I’m here to install your internet. Can you let me in?” 

“Let you in? You were supposed to come yesterday. I didn’t get any notification that you’d come today– I’m not here.” 

“Well, I need to be let in to install your internet…”

“But I’m not there. We’ll just have to reschedule.” 

“Next availability is in two weeks.” 

“GODDAMMIT. Wait right there– I’ll be back as soon as possible!” 

But none of that rigamarole is happening now. At this moment, I am reading a book on my back patio with an iced coffee and a cinnamon bun while Lyle sets up my fiber internet at the exact time he was scheduled to do it. Life is good. 

Okay, I may be looking at everything with rose colored glasses, but I’ll allow myself to bask in my new home serenity for a little while longer. What can it hurt to take the time to enjoy the fact that things are going smoothly? Back in the city, it felt like I was constantly having to strive for things to work. They rarely did and any hint of them possibly doing so was dashed with such expedience I never allowed myself the luxury of thinking that I possibly deserved for things to be easier. 

There was no way for me to get to that point when stuck in constant survival mode. The city is a beast, constantly growing. So even if you get to a point where you’re realizing some sort of comfort, the beast will continue to expand and shift until your complacency gets you displaced. It’s exhausting! I guess the hustle gives you something to live for– that’s why you see so many 80-year old women wandering around the streets of Manhattan. But they’re a hard eighty. And you can’t help but think they’re not there because they want to bust their asses just to make it through a day, but because they simply don’t even know there are other ways to live. Humans are creatures of habit. We find comfort in conformity. We create these confines and then tell ourselves because we made them, we must also work within them. 

It’s logical: as animals, we are bound by evolutionary instinct to find and keep a lifestyle that enables us to be productive– namely, reproductive– so that drives us to make choices that are safe and keep us connected. But I don’t think it’s extreme to say we as humans can and should continue to evolve past base evolutionary drive. It’s not imperative for all of us to be constantly productive. We have machines and programs that help us do a lot of the heavy lifting so that we may spend more time enjoying the world we’ve been gifted. And just as these advancements further separate us from any quote/unquote “natural way” of existence, we should consider the possibility that breaking free from our patterns and choosing not to conform to the established expectations may serve us positively. 

Of course, it’s that “new is better” mindset that led Mark to breaking up with me. He saw moving in together as conforming to the established expectations of those around us and he couldn’t do it. So perhaps I’m a hypocrite waxing poetic on the evils of conformity. No ideology would’ve stopped me from moving in with him. I was dead set on doing the expected. 

Except, I didn’t see it as settling. I saw it as an exciting new experience that just happened to promise a bit of security alongside the novel. There is adventure to be found alongside someone you can rely on. I guess at the end of the day, we broke up over a difference of perspective. If you’re going to build a life with someone, you should both see your future from the same vantage point. 

_____________________________________________________________

With the internet working and full stomach, I’m ready to continue unpacking. It’s not so much the unboxing that’s taking up my time. But with every essential item I unwrap, I’m reminded of something I’ll need to buy in the process of turning this house into a home. It feels a little consumerist, but I fully intend to take my time in accumulating these items and purchase with quality in mind, so I don’t sweat it.

Well, I don’t sweat the prospective shopping. Unpacking boxes does work up quite the literal sweat, however. It’s almost 6 pm and I am in desperate need of an end-of-the-day shower. Before I hop in, I pull up a food app and find the best rated Thai restaurant in my delivery area. I put in an order for pad thai and spring rolls and receive an hour delivery estimate– plenty of time to get clean before dinner, so I hop in the shower. 

I’m right in the middle of rinsing the conditioner from my hair when I hear the doorbell. An hour was either an incredibly inaccurate delivery estimate or it took me much, much longer to wash my hair than it normally does. 

“WAIT!” I holler towards the door as I wrap myself in my favorite extra large, super fluffy bath towel. “I’M COMING! I’M COMING!” I scurry as fast as I can to the door, probably looking like a drowned rat. 

“I’m so sor–” I halt as soon as I see who’s on the other side of the door. It isn’t my Thai food at all. It’s the guy from the coffee shop– the hot one who rescued me from my social awkwardness. He has that charming smile on his face, but it fades a bit as he gets a good look at me. In a breath of realization, his eyes go up to the sky as a pink blush spreads across his face. It’s kind of adorable, to be honest. 

“I am so sorry,” he says. “I’m your… we’re neigh– I live a couple doors down,” he fumbles through. “I wanted to come over and welcome you to the neighborhood.” 

“We– we met earlier, right? At the coffee shop?” I find myself once again in a situation I haven’t experienced in quite some time. Fourteen years in New York and not once did I have a neighbor come to my door to introduce themselves. I’m not even certain if I’m expected to invite him in. I certainly don’t know how to proceed when I’ve opened the door but a single layer of terrycloth between my nude body and the– admittedly gorgeous– welcome wagon. Thankfully, the wagon in question seems steady on the trail. 

“Yes! Yeah, that was me. Hey– I can, you know, wait here a second if you want to…” he makes a vague gesture towards the towel. 

“Oh! That would be great, yes. But you don’t have to wait outside. Please, come on in.”

He gives me a wary look. “Are you sure? I don’t mind…” 

“Yeah, I guess it’s not exactly best practice to let some guy I just met into my home while I’m changing, huh? I’m sorry, I just don’t want to be rude.” 

“You’re not, I promise. Go ahead, I can wait here. I’m patient.” 

Now I’m the one who’s blushing. Blushing a nude in front of a strange man. Mother would be so proud. I give him a sheepish smile as I close the door then scurry back to my room to throw on the nearest clothes I can get my hands on. I make a pit stop to take a peek in the bathroom mirror, rub the smudged mascara from under my eyes, and run my fingers through my hair. It’s not much, I think looking at my sorry state, but it’s what I got. 

I head back to the front door and take a moment to compose myself to come off with a false air of nonchalance. Fake it til you make it, right? 

I open the door and see him leaning against the wall and looking through his phone casually. I notice for the first time he’s holding a bottle of wine in the other hand. He looks up and catches my eye. A smirk sprawls across his face. 

“Woah– that was quick!” he says. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t have a lot of things unpacked here at the moment, so I don’t have much to sift through. Cuts down on the decision fatigue when choosing what to wear, for sure.” 

His smile brightens and it puts my entire body on high alert. I may not be nearly naked anymore, but looking at this guy makes me feel so exposed, like he’s seeing things about me that I’m not even aware of. I’m a grown ass woman, but this guy has me feeling bashful for the first time in years. 

“Come on in,” I move aside and open the door completely to let him inside the house. “I think you’ve proven you’re trustworthy enough.” 

“Cool, yeah.. I mean, thanks.. Yeah.” His stammering is endearing. There’s something comforting in the shared awkwardness as if the meeting of two awkward nerds cancels us out into being normal. “I’m Jeremiah,” he introduces himself and holds his hand out to shake. 

“Molly,” I grasp his hand in return. “It’s nice to officially meet you.” 

“Yeha! I hope you don’t find this creepy, but earlier I noticed the internet guy in your driveway and realized someone had finally moved into this place. The for sale sign was taken down about a week ago and I was wondering when you’d show up. Then when you said you just moved here at the coffee shop earlier, I thought maybe the new owner could be you.”

“And it is!” I interrupt. “I mean, I am. That is to say… It's kismet.” Jesus Christ. Is that something people say? Can I even define “kismet?”  Am I just embarrassing myself here? 

“Exactly!” His smile breaks my shame spiral. “It’s always worth noting when we get to witness the stars aligning in real time.” He holds the bottle of wine up to eye level for me. “I brought you a housewarming gift. It’s nothing special– I wasn’t even certain if bringing wine to a stranger is appropriate. But it’s a pretty dry red. I thought if you don’t drink, you can use it for cooking.” 

“I do! I mean, I do drink. Thank you, you’re very kind and I feel quite welcome.” I take the bottle and scan the label. It’s a Chianti I’ve never tried before. “This looks beautiful. Would you like to have a glass with me?” 

“Um… sure! That sounds nice. Do you have glasses?” 

“I don’t have stemware, but I have a couple cups that will do. Plus,” I pause to rummage in the drawer where I stashed my well loved wine key the night before, “I have this!” I grab the water glasses I have from the cupboard and start working the corkscrew into the top of the bottle. 

“Please, allow me.” Jeremiah takes the wine and key from me and effortlessly drills deep into the cork, angling the bottle away from him. He looks me directly in the eye as he pushes the lever away from him and removes the cork with an muffled POP.

What in the actual fuck? How was that so… hot? 

He grabs the glasses and distributes even, modest pours in each of them before handing me one. “Cheers,” he says, lifting his own glass, “to your new home.” 

“And new neighbors,” I clink my cup against his, immediately questioning whether that was smooth or just pathetically thirsty. Either way, I take a sip. I notice his eyes darting around, taking in the details of the house. 

“This place is almost the exact same layout as my place, just reversed.” 

“Really?” I ask. “Is that unusual?” 

“Not really, no. These subdivisions are financed and built before they’re ever sold. Developers will have a handful of blueprints and rotate between them while building. I guess keeping everything as uniform as possible allows them to churn out houses quickly and reduces the risk of error. You build the same house over and over again, you can probably throw them up in your sleep.” 

“Or they get so overconfident and cocky, they begin to slack off and make mistakes.” 

“Oof. You’re telling me. Complacency can definitely lead to miscalculations.” He takes another sip before continuing. “Happens in my work all the time.” 

“Oh yeah? What do you do?”

He winces. “It’s kind of hard to explain– not that it’s beyond your understanding,” he reassures me and my heart melts ever so slightly. “But, basically, I track and predict rainfall.” 

“You’re a meteorologist?” 

“No. I don’t really know much about weather in general. It’s more like I use statistics to estimate which places will experience flood or drought in the near future. I then use those estimates to inform the purchase and sale of certain commodities.” 

“Commodities. Like food?” 

“Food is a big part of it, yes. But also a lot of precious metals and whatnot. And oil. There’s always oil.” 

“So you’re a gambler,” I tease. He grins in response. 

“An informed gambler, yes. But, you know– no risk, no reward.” 

“Well it does sound pretty interesting. More so than what I do.” 

“Which is?” 

“I am an editor for a publishing company that specializes in highly stylized cookbooks. A lot of Housewives for housewives kind of content. I basically make sure that what the authors– or, at least, their ghostwriters– put in their drafts all make sense. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve caught cups– multiple cups– of salt from being added to a dessert recipe.” 

“That sounds interesting to me,” he says, being polite. I appreciate it nonetheless. “So does that mean you know how to cook a lot of different things?” 

I guffaw. “In theory, at least. I’m not a talented chef by any means, but I can make a meal.” I realize that at every chance I get, I’m diminishing myself in this conversation. When did I fall into that little habit? But before I can think much more about it, my doorbell rings. “Speaking of meals, that would be the takeout I thought you were.” I answer the door and thank the delivery person after they hand me my order. When I come back, I see Jeremiah rinsing out his now empty glass of wine before gently placing it in the sink. 

“Well this seems like the perfect opening for me to make a graceful exit. I’ll leave you to enjoy your dinner.” He gives me a genuine smile and reaches out to shake my hand goodbye. “It was really great meeting you. I’m excited to have someone cool in the neighborhood. And if you need anything, anything,” he gives my hand a squeeze on the emphasis and while making some very effective eye contact, “don’t hesitate to ask.” 

Damn. My new neighbor is hot.

[solarpunkaestheticweek]

How do you do solarpunk aesthetic week when you live in a tiny apartment with no outside access? I always want to participate but I feel like most stuff y'all post is geared towards people who live in houses...

Hey, thanks for sending in the ask!

We put our heads together and came up with a few ideas for you!

Grow plants indoors! You could grow a few houseplants to green up your space, or even try growing some vegetables and/or herbs indoors! I've heard people have lots of luck with basil indoors, and my freshman year of college I grew cherry tomatoes and peppers in my dorm room! Maybe check out information on semi or full-hydroponic setups? You can also propagate a lot with a few cuttings and a glass of water! If you have a balcony with your apartment, that could also be a good place to grow flowers or vegetables--depending on the season and temps where you are, it might be a bit cold to start things out there right now, but you could always start planning!

Crafting could be another fun idea! You could try your hand at mending clothes, or making your own clothes from scratch! I (Ani) am learning crochet, if you wanna join me in spirit and pick it up as well! Kala/Fennopunk (who lives in a small apartment 👀) also knows a lot about crocheting, its a pretty nice winter craft! You could also try embroidery, so you can add unique designs onto your clothes! Other options are things like knitting, sewing, leatherwork, jewelrymaking, soap making, and maybe even woodworking or soldering if that interests you!

Learning how to repair tech would be cool! Honestly, learning how to repair anything sounds super cool and is pretty solarpunk! This can also kinda go hand-in-hand with learning how to build your own things (one of my friends knows how to repair and build computers, for example). Try finding some information on something you're interested in and going wild!

Decorate your home in a way that feels Solarpunk to you! Even if you don't get it all done during the event week, I think its definitely a nice way to bring joy! Look into ways your apartment can change with the seasons, ways to keep yourself cozy and warm in winter but cool and bright during the summer! If you get started, feel free to send in progress images, we'd love to see!

Guerrilla gardening! Winter's a great time to scatter wildflower seeds (at least here in the states for me) as it gives the seeds time to acclimate to weather conditions! if you want flowers in spring, you plant seeds in winter! Maybe find a place you wanna target if you go out, think about what seeds you want to plant, and start planning? Or if you have seeds on hand already, you know what to do! Honestly, I also kinda view picking up litter as hand-in-hand with guerrilla gardening, if you've got the vibes for that at all.

Build community with your neighbors! Even if its just saying hi, or talking about what you're up to!

Maybe guerrilla art as well? Moss graffiti, spray painting, or even plastering a couple of stickers up counts as solarpunk! I will give a general warning that doing stuff seen as illegal probably shouldn't be posted online, but hey, you can participate in the week without telling us what you do!

Speaking of art! Maybe you could make art at home! Whether you use chalk, or pastels, or paint, or pencils, or if you've got a tablet you can use--find some inspiration and draw! I've seen lots of people draw solarpunk fashion ideas, solarpunk building concepts, or just general vibe art!

You could also take a crack at writing! You could write a short story, or get started on a longer project idea! You could even just write worldbuilding-type stuff, like examples of event listings or building histories you imagine a solarpunk society would have, or ideas for holidays and festivals!

Learning an instrument feels pretty solarpunk to me! I (Ani) say this as someone who has 2 guitars around and has forgotten 80% of the stuff she learned in her lessons back in high school. Just in general, picking up an old hobby you miss, or starting a new one works great for this event honestly!

You can also check out the Apartment Solarpunk tag on the Practical Solarpunk blog, it may have more ideas for you!

We hope this helps! Either way, I hope you enjoy the event week!

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter Two, Part 4

"Yeah, I'll be here."

"I hope to here new progress. It's progress. It's great," she said softly, pushing me slightly out of her office and back into the waiting room. It was empty when I went in, but every time I left, there was a younger girl, who sat off to the side of the room, headphones over her ears, and the hood of a black hoodie over her head.

"See you later, thank you," I said as I opened the door to the outside world. I had always thanked my head doctors. Always. They provide a valuable service, even when it doesn't feel like it.

"Lauren? You ready?" I heard Sarah say as the door closed behind me.

Her office was right on the edge of downtown, in a building that looked like any other house on the street. The only difference being that instead of surrounded by other houses, it was surrounded by square office buildings. I never understood how her office stayed looking like a normal house.

After my appointment, I headed down to a bus stop. Next on my Thursday list was work. The bus stop I was now standing at would get me right in front of my job at Red Arm. And usually, there wasn't even enough time for a cigarette before I was hopping on the bus and heading to the back, headphones blaring punk music (today was The Descendents, my favorite band of all time.) Usually, there wasn't all that many people riding the bus on Thursday afternoons.

My ride was about twenty minutes. That's really not all that bad. I knew someone people who'd go almost an hour across the city. Of course, they would also have bus changes, and I never did. I lived and worked in a pretty close area. You do that when you choose to walk on your own feet whenever possible. In fact, I usually walk home after I finish my night. That was quick and easy fifteen minutes.

The bus dropped me off, about a half a block from my work. I stood there for a minute, finally lighting my cigarette. I sang along softly to 'Nothin' With You' as I slowly walked towards the door. I could see only a few spaces were taken up in the lot, two of which I knew were the employees for the night. I flicked my cigarette off into the street before heading inside.

I still had fifteen minutes before I needed to be in at three. I'm usually at least a fifteen minutes early. Gives me a chance to decompress and get into work mode. Work mode was still loud. I had to be when I ran the kitchen. Communication is key. I could pull it off here, but that was also because I was somewhat obsessed with my job.

The restaurant isn't very big. Only about eight or nine tables stood around the dining room. The inside walls had booths. Maybe eight of those as well. A bar sat off in the back with ten stools. We weren't known for our bar. A waitress named Kara stood off to the side of the wait station, most likely rolling silverware. Only a small group of four sat around a table, and from the looks of it, they'd already eaten and were now enjoying after-dinner drinks.

Behind the bar stood a manic little pixie with fiery orange hair named Amber. Once she saw me, she smiled and waved and I walked over to her, taking off my light leather jacket as I walked. Red Arm always seemed so warm to me. I took a seat down on one of the stools.

"What's up, Nugget?" I asked. I had been calling her Nugget since a week after her starting. She had one of these PETA stickers that were so popular once. The one with the baby chicken holding a sign that proclaimed 'I Am Not A Nugget!" And it caught on. Almost instantly. So now, she was Nugget. Didn't matter to any of us if she wanted the name or not. She was Nugget.

We had gotten pretty close over time. I was a major introvert, and she was major extrovert. And it seemed we had become the stereotype introvert/extrovert relationship. Amber, had for some reason, taking me under her wing. It was almost like having a big sister. even with her being younger

"Not much at all. Want a shot?" She had already turned around and was grabbing a bottle of of Eagle Rare 17, a really good American style Whiskey that we had just started carrying. It's not typically a whiskey to be shot, but any good whiskey can go down either way.

"Yeah," I said has she put the shot down in front of me. She had one for herself as well. This was a habit. Every time we had a shift together, which was more often than not. Amber was Bar Manager. So we were here, a lot. Comes with the job, I guess. "Skeletor in back already?" I asked. Skeletor's real name was Justin, and he was basically second in command. An assistant manger, without the title. The guy was tall, skeletal and pale. He was Skeletor.

[ima-lima-bean]

I think we as a society should start collecting stickers and trading them like we did with silly bands when we were kids

[works-of-fanfiction]

“He’s the Best.” - 90s!Graham Coxon x Reader

Summary: Graham struggles with his self-esteem within the band and the reader tries to cheer him up.

Requested by: Anon. I hope you like this <3

Warnings: Swearing (literally once).

Word Count: 3.3k - a bit of a longer oneshot from me! I didn’t mean for it to be this long.

A/N: I’ve been writing this and putting it off for days because I just don’t know if I like it, but I don’t want to restart it. Argh… I hope someone enjoys this cheese fest.

* Gif credits to the linked creator

_______________

No one in this life is born ‘better’ than anybody else. It’s not a competition or a game of comparison. Every single human on this planet has their own unique qualities that make them interesting and most importantly, worthy. However, humans sadly aren’t wired to see those qualities in themselves. They spend the majority of their lives obsessing over others; wondering if they’re as talented as the next man, or if they’ll ever look as good as whatshername. Sometimes, it gets to a point where even the deepest of friendships can become strained due to one or more parties comparing themselves to another’s achievements.

And seeing Graham go through exactly that, has been killing me. There was a time when everything Graham and Damon did together, was truly that - together. Every single melody, riff, lyric - it was theirs. Neither one did more work than the other, neither was more musically talented. They were both kids crammed inside a Portakabin with their very first instruments, strumming and plucking and making probably rather bothersome noise. They had no idea what was to become of their lunchtime jam sessions and after school practices. Both were just excited to have a friend that liked the same things as them, and enjoyed the noise the other was making.

But Graham has since become a shadow of who he once was around Damon - he’s become Damon’s shadow. Or so he thinks.

Being in a band with a boisterous frontman like Damon was bound to become hard work for the other members at one point or another, but I never thought it would affect Graham like this. It’s getting harder to communicate with him, and I know it’s not his fault but I’m running out of things to say to fill the silences. There’s only so many times I can ask if he wants a cup of tea, or tell him about the encounter I had at the bus stop earlier that day. I’m sick of hearing my own voice, so I can’t imagine how he must feel. The silence seems to be the only thing he wants; he doesn’t write anymore, he hardly plays guitar outside of work commitments, and he hasn’t picked up his sketchbook in weeks. He just seems to stare at the TV or sit on the sofa with his head buried in a book that’s stuck on the first chapter. I watched him the other day and in forty-five minutes, he turned the page once. I bet if I asked him about the story he wouldn’t be able to recall a single character’s name, never mind the plot.

Watching him struggle with his self-esteem is crushing, and I don’t want him to live another second feeling the way he does. I know it may take a while for him to find himself again, but if I can do anything to help move things along, it’s worth a try. I’d drop everything for Graham in a heartbeat.

“I dropped those music stands off today. Did you get them?” Dave asks, his voice a little crackly on the other end of the phone.

“I did, thank you!” I chime, balancing the phone between my shoulder and ear as I assemble the very same stands.

“Oh, good. I was a little worried about leaving them outside. I thought somebody would take them… What do you need them for anyway?”

“That’s something for me to know and you to find out, Dave.” I laugh, tightening one last knob on the second stand and straightening it out. I stand back and admire my handy work, smiling at the prospect of what they are to become.

“Alright, alright. Well, I hope they come in handy! I’ll see you later.”

“Thanks again. See you next week!”

We both hang up and I grab the stands, climbing up the stairs and into the spare room, placing them in their desired places. Grabbing two pieces of sheet music, I slot them onto the stands neatly and adjust them until they’re perfect. With one last thing to check, I turn on the projector I borrowed from an old university friend and let the film play out on the blank wall opposite. I mess with the sound a little, making sure it’s loud enough before rewinding the footage to the beginning and turning it off until later.

Standing in the middle of the room, I turn around and admire everything on the walls. Everything from lyrics to old album art concepts, to still life paintings from Graham’s time at Goldsmith’s. Beside the music stands, there’s crates filled with records, decorated with lyrics scribbled onto scraps of paper, some in Graham’s handwriting and others in mine. I of course, couldn’t resist writing them out in various colours and covering them in star-shaped stickers. The finishing touch is a large beanbag against the wall for us to sit and watch the projector from. I fluff up the beanbag for the thousandth time before heading downstairs to wait for Graham to get back.

It takes around two hours for Graham to arrive home. As soon as I hear his taxi pull up outside, I jump up from the sofa and head into the kitchen to flick the kettle on. Nerves bubble through me as I anticipate his entry. It’s impossible to predict how Graham’s going to be feeling on any given day. He could come through the door and speak to me as normal, or he could disappear into his studio until he’s tired enough to head to bed. Through the rumbling of the kettle I listen out for the door, fingers impatiently tapping on the counter as my gaze fixates on a magpie outside, shakily balancing on the washing line. A second joins it and I smile, muscle memory taking over as I pour the boiled water into two cups, not taking my eyes off of the birds.

“Hi.” Graham’s voice peeps behind me. Putting the kettle down, I turn around with a warm smile on my face. Despite everything Graham has been going through, seeing him come through that door every day is still my favourite sight. Having him come home to me will simply never get old. I don’t know what I’ll do when he has to go out on tour again in a few months.

“Hey.” I breathe, the sides of my face already beginning to feel sore from the ridiculous grin stuck on it. He smiles back, the expression not quite reaching his eyes but I know he means well. He’s trying. “You go and sit down. I’ll bring these in.” I gesture to the brewing teas on the counter and he nods, hanging his bag on the nearest kitchen chair and leaving the room without another word. I finish the drinks as quickly as possible, grabbing the stack of takeaway menus from the junk drawer and bringing them with me, the pieces of paper clamped between my teeth as I concentrate on carrying the two steaming hot cups in my hands.

Setting the cups down on the coffee table, I toss the menus onto the sofa next to where Graham is very aggressively, trying to pull his Docs off. “Need a little help?” I ask, laughing as I kneel down and bat his hands out of the way. “It would help if you untied them.”

“It’s easier to leave them tied.”

“Oh, really?” I scoff, gesturing to his feet still stuck in the cherry red boots. The laces are a complete mess with three bulky knots in them. I sit down cross-legged on the carpet, carefully plucking and unravelling each knot whilst Graham buries his head in the takeaway menus. “How do you even - “ I struggle, pulling at the frayed shoelace whilst trying not to damage it further, “- get these things on?” With one last tug, the first lace loosens and I’m able to slide the boot off with ease. Graham’s face pops out from behind the menu, a side-smile plastered onto his lips and a cheeky glint in his eyes. I know he wants to laugh.

“Shall we get Indian tonight?” He changes the subject, flipping over the tatty piece of bright orange paper as he squints at the options. He always orders the same thing, yet still insists on reading the whole menu front to back. He does it for every restaurant.

“Indian sounds good.” I nod, pulling the second boot off and shoving them to the side. “I’ll call them now.” Jumping up to grab the phone, I type the number in from memory and hold it up to my ear.

“What’s the rush?” Graham mouths and I hush him when somebody answers. I order the usual along with some extras and give them our address, despite them not even really needing it anymore. The phone call is no longer than a minute and Graham sits staring at me, nose scrunched in confusion. “Are you going to tell me what’s going - “

“Follow me.” I blurt out, stretching my arm towards him and rising onto my tiptoes out of excitement. He stands slowly, shrugging off his jacket and leaving it on the sofa. “I was going to wait until we’d had our food, but I have to show you now.”

“Show me what?” He asks as I grab his wrist and drag him up the stairs. We squeeze up the narrow staircase, almost tripping each other over a couple times until we stop on the landing, feet overlapping one another’s on the small square of carpet.

“I know you haven’t really been yourself lately.” I start, my fingers slipping from Graham’s wrist to entwine with his. He looks down, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. His eyes watch our hands as I lightly stroke the back of his thumb in an attempt to relax him. He has a habit of tensing up whenever I broach the subject. “So I wanted to remind you just how great you are.”

I watch his face intently, the corners of his mouth twitching and trying to smile. With my free hand, I open the door and flick the light on, pulling Graham into the room with me. His hand slips from my grasp and I back up to stand against the wall, watching as he takes in the room around him and everything in it.

He walks to the music stands first, fingers tracing the notes on the pages, flipping them over then back again. He walks towards the canvas on the back wall - a woodland painting he’d won a prize for back in college - running his hand over the textured patch of paint that forms the trees. I nervously bite the back of my thumb as he kneels down to sift through the records in the large black case below, flicking through every Blur album and single released to this day. My favourite lyrics are scattered on sheets of paper all over the ground, and he picks up the second verse from Coffee & TV. “You’ve always loved this one.” He says, turning to me and smiling.

“I happen to really like the guy who sings it.”

“He must be pretty good then.”

“Oh, he’s the best.” Resting my foot against the wall, I kick my body forward and stand straight, joining Graham beside the projector.

“What’s this for?” He asks, hands hovering near the buttons but not daring to touch anything. I take his hands in mine and give them a loving squeeze.

“Sit down and I’ll show you.” I chirp and he sinks down onto the beanbag. I mess with the projector until the sound starts to creep in, stretching over to switch off the light. Graham shuffles to the side to make some room for me on the beanbag and I flop down beside him, nestling into his side.

The image from the projector is surprisingly clear against the wall, although could’ve been improved had I borrowed a screen from somewhere. A variety of different clips play out in front of us, ranging from Graham performing onstage to snippets of his band members talking and praising their guitarist. I try my hardest to focus on the film in front of me, but I can’t help glancing over at Graham to see his reactions. His brows are furrowed, but not necessarily in a bad way - he’s focused, fully concentrating on everything he’s seeing and hearing.

I fidget with my hands, twiddling my thumbs and quietly cracking my knuckles. Graham notices this and grabs my left hand, squeezing it tightly and bringing it over to rest in his lap. Laying my head on his shoulder, I press a kiss onto his sleeve, rubbing my head against him and breathing in his familiar scent. He lays his head on top of mine, but never looks away from the video playing on the wall. Absentmindedly, his fingertips dance on the back of my hand, the drumming following the beat of Song 2 as it plays from the projector. I too can’t help bopping along to the beat, my foot tapping softly on the carpet.

The video closes with one final clip, a message I recorded for Graham. Too embarrassed to watch myself, my focus stays on him as I squeeze his hand a little tighter and snuggle up as close as possible. The picture begins to fade and the sound plays out until there’s no footage left, and the whirring of the projector becomes background noise in the room. Graham doesn’t say anything at first, but as I try to stand to turn the projector off, he pulls me back down onto the beanbag and rotates his body to face mine.

“Hey.” I whisper, my right hand supporting his cheek as he leans into me, his eyes closed and lips pressed into a line. Our bodies slot into one another’s on the beanbag, the very little space between us growing warmer by the second.

Graham releases a deep breath, his eyes slowly opening again with a small smile spreading across his face. It’s hard to see him properly in the dimly lit room, but I could never mistake those big brown eyes staring at me. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me.” He says, his voice low as he leans in close to speak like we’re the only two people who matter inside a crowded room.

“I wanted to show you how incredible you are. You’ve been so hard on yourself and I just - “ As I speak, tears start to well up in my eyes and I look up to the ceiling to try and stop them from falling. I’d already told myself earlier that I wouldn’t cry, because I don’t want Graham to think he’s upset me. I press at my eyes lightly with my fingertips in an attempt to push the tears away. “I can’t stand seeing you this way because you don’t deserve to feel like this. If it wasn’t for you, Blur wouldn’t exist! Everything you’ve all achieved wouldn’t have happened.” My voice begins to shake and I feel Graham’s hand on my arm, rubbing it gently to try and calm me down.

“Y/N.” He starts, before reaching up to turn on the light. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust, before my gaze falls to the ground to avoid his. If I look at him properly, I know I’ll start bawling. “Look at me. Please.”

“I can’t. I can’t because I’ll cry, and then you’ll get upset and I don’t want to make you feel any worse than wha - “

“You won’t upset me. Y/N, I’m sorry I’ve - “

“No, Graham. Don’t apologise.” I grip onto his shirt tightly, my fingers tangling in the fabric. Graham bows his head and nudges it against mine, edging closer until he pushes my head up with his and our noses are almost touching. We both open our eyes, our faces too close that my vision is distorted and I’m seeing double. I pull back, sniffling once and dabbing at my eyes again, still not allowing any tears to actually emerge.

“I’m sorry,“ he starts and I sigh at his words, but he hushes me by holding his finger up to my face, “for putting you through this. I was so caught up in my own head that I didn’t realise how it was making you feel.”

“Graham, this isn’t about me.”

“But it affects you. Bloody hell, if I had to live with this miserable twat - “ he points to himself and I scoff, slapping the back of his hand playfully. “ - I’d have given up by now.”

“I would never give up on you.” My voice is barely above a whisper, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. Graham goes silent again, staring down at our joined hands and moving his thumbs around. I nudge his head with mine in the same way he did previously and he sniffles, his chest rising and immediately falling again. “Graham?” I bring my hand to his chin and push his face up to find his eyes watery, and cheeks significantly more red compared to a moment ago.

“God, look at me. What the hell are you still doing with me, ay? I’m a bleeding mess.” He sniffs, roughly wiping tears off of his cheeks with the backs of his hands.

“Because I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else.”

“Not even - “

“Ah! Stop right there. There’ll be no more of that.” I take his hands away from his face, holding onto them loosely. “Graham Coxon, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. And I’ll give you a free pass to slap me silly for being so cheesy.” I laugh, his grip on my hands tightening as he awkwardly slides closer on the beanbag, his body sinking into it at a strange angle and pulling me with him. “I love you.”

Within a second, Graham’s hands are on both sides of my face, pulling me in for a kiss; the kind of kiss that feels like the person is pouring their entire heart out to you. Like the kiss between the main characters of a movie, when they’ve just ran across a field or a busy road to collide with another at the centre. His lips messily press against mine and I can feel the stray tears running down his face as they dampen my cheeks. My hands rest on his legs, holding on firmly as his thumbs dig into my face a little. It doesn’t hurt, but he soon pulls away and swipes at my face softly as if to apologise for it. He uses his sleeve to dry my face and I do the same for him, small gasps of laughter exchanging between us.

“Thank you for doing this. If you can’t tell, I really love it.” He says sincerely with a genuine smile, the biggest smile I’ve seen from him in weeks. The expression is infectious and I can’t help mimicking him as I grin back like the Cheshire Cat. The faint sound of knocking from downstairs pulls us out of our romance film-esque daydream and we both clamber to our feet.

As we approach the stairs, Graham stops and spins me around, pulling me into him. I land against his chest with a huff, before adjusting my hair and looking up at him. “After we eat, can you show me the film again?” He asks, his hand meeting mine to help me fix the loose hairs falling in my eyes.

“We can watch it as many times as you like.”

[yoshkeii]

Ushijima Wakatoshi hcs!

࿐ character: Ushijima Wakatoshi

࿐ genre: sfw, nsfw

࿐ requested by: a lovely supportive friend <3

⌦ sfw first, nsfw last

⌦ Nsfw includes, top-dom!ushijima, sub-bottom!reader. Continue at your own risk.

A/N: i simp for this man. i actually simp for a lot of characters its unbelievable. but this one. this man. yeah. again, kinda self-indulgent like my tsukii one- im sorry,,

══════ SFW ══════

★彡 Since we all know how Ushijima talks in the anime, he probably doesn't have the best social cues. When being in a relationship with him it might be difficult for him to break through that barrier of communication. He might say things along "will you teach me?", "was that good?", and stuff along those lines. So its your job to show him the ropes! It's a up and down hill path but Ushijima will do it to make the relationship last long and anything to see that little adorable smile on your face.

★彡 Honestly some nicknames he will have for you might derive from plants and nature. Such as "Honey(comb), Pumpkin, Sprout, Fern, Clover," but the classic nicknames that are normal to relationships would be "Babe/Baby, Prince, Love, Beautiful/Handsome," etc~ He likes to stick with the planty ones since he believes it fits someone smaller than him.

★彡 Will definitely take advantage of your size difference (depending on your height, yknow when yknow. i myself is like 5'3/5'4 so i feel the short pain.)

★彡 Like he will ruffle your hair which always ends up getting messed up, he will pick you so fucking easily like you weigh nothing to him, definite big spoon cause he always loves to wrap his arms arounds you since he noticed how safe it makes you feel, comparing and teasing about your hand sizes too is a common occurrence. Just his palm against yours. Sometimes you guys mess around with the flashlights on your phone to create hand-shadows and you always try to adjust your hand for your shadow to be Ushijima's size. He chuckles at the adorable attempt too.

★彡 Continuing on the size difference, he will let you sit on his lap as he watches you do whatever infront of him. No matter if its just scrolling through social media, watching videos, watching you play games, a movie, a video call? He's there. Sometimes will silently nuzzle his face into your hair, neck, shoulder or the crook between your shoulders. If he's feeling like it, he might also plant a surprise kiss on your neck or shoulder. It sends a quick jolt and shiver down your spine whenever he does because it's so unlikely-

★彡 OKAY BUT- the thought of jealous Ushijima would not be common thing knowing how calm and composed this man is, but he is also not good at describing nor showing emotions. But- Him catching you wearing someone else's jersey, hoodie, or jacket might flip that switch. He would just brush it off at first after awhile, before he slowly breaks. Giving you his own clothing in the end, which always ends up oversized based on how this dude is built. This would honestly be the only chance or time you will see this man be jealous its kinda scary- like- Ushijima are you okay honey?

★彡 Ushijima isn't the one to be into nicknames too much, but when you call him by the given nicknames you have for him... ohhhhhhh maaaaan its gives him butterflies. And generally he can't understand feelings too well so he wouldn't know how to deal with it and maybe overthink it- Please comfort him if it goes to far- He'll need it-

★彡 Like the Tendou chapter, you would most likely be closer to Tendou since Ushi and him are close anyways! You'll also have decent relationships with the team and maybe act like the motherly type to them to keep those boys in check. Goshiki may awkwardly talk to you to see if he needs to be in a relationship to be the new ace yada yada (lil baby looking up to your husbando though is cute-)

★彡 Ushijima may not be the best at social cues, but ohhh man this dude can be poetic as hell unintentionally. He has his ways of setting up words and his surprisingly sets of word choices astonish you at some point, and of course you get confuse sometimes- Understanding poems can be hard as hell okay??

★彡 When seeing you stressed or overwhelmed with any situation, he'll bring you into a hug for who knows how long. Just him seeing you like that devastates him, same goes for a single tear coming from your face will make this man go in his overprotective mode. He'll rub your back or head to calm you down, some specks of kisses along your face and maybe your arms too. He doesn't let his hand wander anywhere else when cuddling either so you are in safe hands with this man everytime he has his arms around you. They are just like safe warm walls bro.

★彡 He's the type who will keep attention on the smallest of details about you. He'll buy you small things like stickers, utensil, items, etc that you thought were cute when browsing or something. Ushijima likes to hear about your interests and thoughts because he loves to see you nerd out over passionate topics, and sometimes he'll just doze off and just stare at your face as you talk. Admiring you so fucking much, he's just softly smiling at you till you ask "what Toshi-?"

══════ NSFW ══════

★彡 Most of your passionate moments always start with kisses. They are usually or might as well always be slow, soft and passionate. He'll try his best to ask for consent in the most intimate or romantic way possible, with just a soft reply or the brush of his thumb on your bottom lip. Or he might aswell just stare at you till you say sumn-

★彡 He's not the type for PDA, since he personally thinks it should be behind doors and walls. So if you do anything that will.. yknow... flip a switch in this man. He'll try to keep composure n calmness till both of you are in a private spot, this man will kabedon or pin you against the wall and smother you with love n affection. At this point, he can't keep his hands to himself and often wanders which is unusual for him. So do things wisely or are you just a lover for punishment.

★彡 Some kinks this man will have: definite daddy/captain kink, degrading/praising (depends on his mood or how you are acting in the.. act-), extreme dirty talk, overstimulation maybe?, honestly can be into BDSM or sumn along the line, little bit of foreplay too.

★彡 You definitely know this man can get hella rough and strong while doing it. Which he of course uses it as an advantage because he's a fucking huge ass dom. Try to take control at least once, he'll do an uno reverse card on you and have you begging moments later. Even if you're on top, he still has control. He'll use his strong grip to pull you down or to make you move how he wants you too, His grip is so strong, it leaves nail marks in your hips n thighs that make you complain to him about it. But Ushijima just will look at you with no regret.

★彡 Ushijima uses his voice to his biggest advantage aswell. He knows he can rile you up with just a deep husk of his voice, especially when he speaks in your ear. His hot breath brushing against as he speaks sweet nothings to demanding whispers only you can hear. It just makes you melt and submit to him like magic, and he adores that to the max. He'll also might bite your ear as a tease too-

★彡 He's very demanding in bed. Ordering you around. Him being a very serious person outside of the room follows him into the bed.

★彡 Favorite place to do it? Just in the private walls of eachother's home or dorms.

★彡 Favorite position? He has a few selected one, but him carrying you will messing your insides up against a wall... yeah that one.

★彡 He loves, loves seeing your face during the act. He'll just stares at you with a cocky smirk (no pun intended) as he continues.

★彡 Ushijima may be rough, but he's a king at aftercare. He loves to treat you so well after the act with cuddles, kisses, a possible bath or shower, massages. Anything to calm you down. Usually its just cuddles, seeing you ontop of his chest practically about to fall asleep. Knowing you are listening to his heartbeat and breathing, its a beautiful sight to him. If you are cuddling on your side, he'll softly pat your head and rub your back as you dose off to sleep before he falls asleep himself afterwards.

★彡 Motivation can vary, but he loves seeing you wear anything that shows your bare legs. Especially those thighs. Yes another thigh man. Just some high-thigh socks, tights, fitted sweatpants, anything that shows your curves n legs gets him rearing to go.

[positivityfortoday]

☀ PositivityForToday’s 10K Celebration ☀

There are SO many things worth living for and reasons to smile and be happy! With the help of my lovely followers/friends, I have compiled a list of 1,000 things that make people happy, for my 10,000 amazing followers! Hopefully, this list is able to help you, make you feel better, or give you a reason to smile today! 

☀ 1,000 Happy Things ☀

Seeing cows while driving

Moss on really old fallen trees 

Seeing a lil baby you don't know in public, and they smile at you!!!

Parents doing their kids hair or just people doing someone they care about’s hair

Really ragged old and well-loved stuffed animals 

When the dandelions start blooming

Spring blossom

Daffodils

Bluebells

Sharks

When you're sitting outside your house or something and people passing by wave and say hi

That feeling in the summer when you have your window open and you're listening to your favorite music

When someone does a hobby just because they enjoy it even if they aren't the best at it

Comfort shows and books

People speaking their native languages

When my brother gets something to eat and always gets me something he knows I like

When I finish a crossword 

When I see something that reminds me of someone I care about

Paintings

My best friend (I love her so much shhhh don't tell her)

My dog! I love him 

My little sisters! Adorable, creative, and very witty. I love them

Music! I get the happy shaky feelings and just,,, y e a h/listening to songs

Singing! Especially for band practice!

Sunlight beams in the morning

The moon

Eagles

That feeling when you’re with friends and you’re all laughing so loudly, and you just feel complete

Talking to my favorite people/talking to my best friend

Sunrises and sunsets

Seeing the stars

Cats

Butterflies/Moths

Snails

Warm sunshine

Purple gel pens

Hugs

My children

Sunny days

Beautiful views

Spending time with my family and friends

Playing badminton

Cycling

Playing with little kids

Playing with dogs

Whales

Animals doing daft things 

Talks and walks with my son 

Morning breakfast and coffee 

A good spicy lunch

Laying in my bed at night and just checking on current affairs and news

My boyfriend

My friends 

Art

Owls

Minecraft

Voice acting

Petting my dog

Smelling Flowers 

Feeling a cold thing when I’m warm or a warm thing when I’m cold 

Giving and getting kisses

Random texts from friends

Coffee flavored chocolate 

Singing

Moths with big white wings

Underdone scrambled eggs

A rainy night

Bubbles

That first warm day of spring

Going on hikes

Being outdoors

Candy

Chocolate 

The smell of playdoh 

Taking photos

Getting new clothing 

Candles

Birdwatching

Going on picnics

Writing poetry

Reading books

The holidays

Making people smile/laugh

Coffee

A nice warm blanket

Eating ice cream

Snow globes

Lightning bugs

Flowers after the snow melts

The smell of rain

Sitting on the steps early in the morning

Being the first to wake up

The feeling I get after running

The comfort of a favorite shirt

My girlfriend 

Family

Random acts of kindness

Babies

When I play with my dog by pretending to run at her and she goes crazy with excitement 

My cat 

Rain

Baking

Piano (playing or listening)

Small flowers

Flowy skirts/dresses

Wholesome romances

Hearing a song for the first time and loving it immediately 

Playing my flute

Horses

Listening to vinyls on a record player

When someone remembers a little detail about you

Painting my nails

Doing yoga

Doing exercise

Beating a personal record

Rainbows

Making crafts

Taking a shower after a long day

Going to the zoo

Going on vacation

Being at the beach or near water

Watching Netflix

Going to the movie theatre

Watching a live play at a theatre

Learning something new

Teaching someone how to do something 

Toasting marshmallows and eating S’mores 

Cupcakes

Seeing a shooting star

Taking a nap

When someone compliments me

Decorating my room

Picnics

My favorite band

My favorite celebrities

My favorite actors

Setting a new goal

Collecting rocks

Putting on fresh clean sheets

Seeing Christmas lights

Listening to birds chirping

Giraffes

Camping

Sitting by a bonfire

Eating mashed potatoes

Bullet journaling

Driving in the car with the windows down

Dancing

Looking at pretty pictures

Concerts

Funny jokes/puns/memes

Fireworks

Sparklers

Pretty clouds

My favorite shoes

Getting new art supplies

Making photo edits

Making gifts for my friends and family

Getting gifts from people 

Balloons

Succulents 

Playing an instrument

Drinking a nice cup of tea

Iced tea on a summer day

Eating fresh fruit

Getting my hair braided 

Eating at a restaurant 

Being on a boat

Swimming

Making new friends

Finding an animal in nature 

Pumpkins and pumpkin patches

Carving pumpkins 

Autumn and all the beautiful colors

Acting for theatre

Making video edits

Wearing a costume for Halloween

Dressing fancy

Finding four leaf clovers

Pressing flowers

Scrap booking

Handwritten letters

Stickers

Hummingbirds

Elephants

Eating breakfast 

Gardens

Inspirational quotes

Wearing my favorite necklace 

Baby animals 

Little streams and ponds

Foxes

Sun shining through trees

When it’s foggy out and you can see dew drops on plants and spider webs

Being on a swing

Finally accomplishing a goal you’ve been working on 

When a new season of your favorite show comes out

Doing my makeup

Cleaning and organizing 

Daydreaming 

Taking a bath

Christmas 

Watching funny videos

Wearing sweaters and hoodies

Fuzzy socks

Helping people 

Little figurines and objects

Popcorn 

Brownies

Looking out the window 

Wolves

Opening a window for fresh air

The smell of coffee 

Watching YouTube videos 

Getting a haircut 

Seeing a deer in the woods 

Watching birds fly

Finding shapes and objects in the clouds 

The smell of fresh laundry

When someone tells me something reminded them of me

Stepping on crunchy leaves

Animal crossing

My switch

Softball/baseball

Basketball

Soccer

Seeing cool cars/old cars

Rollerblading

Drawing with chalk on a sidewalk

Going to bed early

Stargazing

Making progress

Checking things off my to-do list

Taking Polaroid pictures

Going for walks

Jogging

Going to the library

Starting a new book

Finishing a good book

Playing board games

Koalas

Slippers

Big trees

Sunlight coming through the windows

Waking up on Christmas morning

Getting book, song, movie, etc. recommendations from my friends

Making music playlists

Finally receiving packages I ordered in the mail 

Baking desserts

When my favorite song comes on

When people make playlists for each other

Finding new characters to ship

Having free time

Sticky notes

Sunbathing

Traveling

Peace and quietness

Alone time

Meeting my step/exercise goal for the day

The people who love me

Soup

Coloring books

Getting into bed after a long day

Pillows

Fandoms

How unique and different everyone is

Getting a lot of work done

Looking forward to my future dream job

Playing video games

Being on Tumblr

Taking time for myself

Practicing self-care

Face masks

Finding money you forgot about

Holding hands

The smell of apple pie

Starting a new tv show

Getting letters in the mail

When the seasons change

Summer

Mugs and teacups

Smoothies

Breakfast food

Disney

Going into the woods/forest

Trying new creative outlets

The smell of sunscreen

Eating the food you’ve been craving

Knowing and feeling that people care

Telling a good story

Laughing so hard can’t stop and your stomach hurts

Late summer nights

Late night drives

Sparkles

Glitter

Listening to people I love talk about their favorite things and what they’re passionate about

Listening to podcasts

Turning up the volume of my music

Putting my headphones in

Blasting my favorite songs through my speaker

People accepting and supporting others for who they truly are

Wearing something cozy

Soft light

Love

Warm weather

A well-rested night

Waking up in the morning and feeling refreshed

Knowing that every day is a fresh start

Well written characters

A book I can get lost in

Sloths

My parents

My siblings

My grandparents

The feeling of sand beneath your feet

Heated blankets

Bagels

Toast

Getting something for free

Samples

Constellations 

Mason jars

Practicing a new skill

Finding a new hobby

Lazy weekends

Mac n cheese

French fries

Having deep conversations with my best friend

New jeans

Going to IKEA

Skirts 

Dresses

Doodling

When other people are happy (especially people I know and love)

Marching band

Sleeping in

Having the day off

Getting new books

Playing guitar

Playing ukulele 

Random compliments

A change of scenery

Cuddling

Waking before the sun is up

Reading old letters

Zebras

Exploring

Building Lego sets

Using photoshop to make edits

Journaling

Walking along the seafront and breathing in time with the waves

A good rom-com or nostalgic show

Writing lists

Pinterest boards

Looking back at my accomplishments

Talking on the phone with a friend or family member

Wrapping presents

A blue sky

Loving someone 

Waterfalls

Washi tape

Penguins

Donuts

The color yellow

Sleepovers

Cooking dinner

Kind gestures

Trust

Inside jokes

Songs that make you feel nostalgic

Seeing other people’s art

Comfy clothes

Wearing pajamas

Calligraphy

When someone calls you by your nickname

Going to Target

The first sunburn of the summer

Ramen noodles

Chinese food

Thrift shopping

Flower fields

Flowers growing in random places, like through a crack in the sidewalk

Writing

Sparkly snowflakes

When it snows on Christmas

Mixing paint colors together

Perfectly shaven legs

Puddles

The color red

Thunderstorms 

The smell of flowers

The ocean 

Adult sized onesies

Driving a golf cart

Fairytales

Cartoons

The color blue

Pasta

AO3

Crickets chirping

Seeing everyone’s houses decorated for the holidays, especially Christmas

Other people sharing what makes them happy

Monkeys

Being understood

When someone texts to make sure I got home safely

Iced coffee

Becoming better at communicating with others

Seeing a friend for the first time in a while

Good morning and good night texts

Drinking a cold glass of water

Deep conversations in the middle of the night

Collecting sea shells

Building blanket forts

Tan lines

Being under lots of blankets

Making better health and money choices

Getting chills from a song even after hearing it countless times 

Liking how I look

Hot chocolate

Finding new music

Buying cute things

Wearing an outfit I really like

When someone tells you how glad they are to be your friend

Gardening

Watching raindrops race down a window 

Trying new food

Finding exactly what I was looking for 

Planning my future

Finding a song that perfectly fits my mood or describes how I’m feeling

Writing little notes to people

When someone tells me I did something good

Eating ice cream on a hot day

Making friends with animals

Going to football games

Seeing people genuinely interested in something

Snow days

The last day of school

Winter break

Spring break

Thanksgiving

New Year’s Eve

Turtles

Sitting outside on a cool summer day

Watching rain

Watching the ocean waves come in

Netflix binges

A new movie release I really want to watch

Driving with a window down for the first time in the spring 

Taking a cruise

Giving helpful advice

Getting helpful advice

Doing a favor for someone who needs it

Someone referencing one of my fandoms or something I love out of no where

Learning and knowing stuff

Doing something physically challenging or scary

Listening to my bedroom fan while I fall asleep

Coming up with a new creative idea 

Finding something I wanted at the store on sale for a good deal

Finishing all my assignments on time or even early

Hugging my dog

Taking my dog for a walk

Teaching my dog a new trick

When strangers stop to say hi to my dog

Listening to audiobooks

The weekend

Finding a new flavor of chapstick

Drinking Kool-Aid, it makes me feel so nostalgic

Watching nature shows on a weekend morning

Watching cartoon shows on a Sunday morning

A good TV show, most likely something I've watched before because that way I know it ends well

A good, delicious comfort meal on a Friday night by myself 

A café in the city centre at noon when it's not filled with the morning rush or afternoon coffee breakers

The stars from my childhood bedroom because they're the brightest here

Listening to my favorite playlist really loud on a long road trip and singing to myself loudly in my car

Having an entire day to myself without interruptions from anyone

Opening the curtains first thing in the morning 

A new jacket

Going to the cinema on a first release day because it's always super exciting and full of people anxious to see a movie they've been waiting for forever

Listening to live music

Riding roller coasters

Going to amusement parks

Lizards

Seahorses

Starfish

Eating fair food

Feeling an instrument vibrate when you’re playing it

Hearing my dog snore

When my dog dreams in his sleep 

Wearing a new piece of clothing for the first time

Feeling the sun on you

Eyes in the sunlight

Seeing city lights

Singing in the shower at the top of my lungs

Looking at someone and them knowing exactly what they’re going to say

Laughing till you cry

Being under a blanket

Going to craft stores

Watching boats

The idea of traveling the world

When my dogs let me lay my head on them

Listening to an old song and having it bring back memories

Candy corn

Crazy socks

Quotes

Fall and the leaves changing color and the crisp feeling in the air

Making snowmen

Making gingerbread houses for Christmas

Making videos with family

Burning a candle

Booping a dog’s nose

Getting letters/notes from people; writing them

Snow globes

Dr. Pepper

Doc martens

Fortune cookies

Potatoes

Easter

Finishing something

Skipping rocks

Warm rain

When someone opens up to you

Finding the right words to say exactly what you wanted

Animal footprints

Eating outside

Fairy lights

The smell of a hotel

Windows

Meeting a new dog

Dolphins

Getting magazines in the mail

Being in the woods as the sun starts to rise and the animals wake up

Warm days

Adirondack chairs

A warm breeze

Clothes and blankets hanging outside to dry

Feeding birds

Aquariums

The color green

Tie dying things

Going to art museums

Going to science museums

New albums from my favorite artists 

Seeing moss in nature

Finding cute little mushrooms 

When a dog wags its tail a bunch and is excited to see me

Playing fetch with my dog

Obsessing over something and having someone to talk about it with

Going on a walk with my best friend and talking about life

Looking at old pictures and reminiscing on good memories

Reading a book that's so good your brain wants to read faster than it can

Laughing with friends about the weirdest things

Being appreciated for doing small things you wouldn't even have thought about yourself because it's something you *just do*

Being creative

Watching animals

A story I can't put down

Stretching

The moment when you listen to a new song/album by your favourite artist

When you're at a concert and anticipating the moment before the band comes out

When at a concert and they play your favourite song live

The moment when someone compliments your outfit 

When you see someone wearing merch of something you like 

Seeing the sunrise/sunset 

Watching the sun rise out of the water or sink down into it as it’s setting

This ecstatic feeling in general when you're just living in the moment with people who love something as much as you do

Hugging my cat and smelling his fur

Listening to my music by myself and singing to it 

Making edits I’m really proud of 

Losing hours in a good book or fanfiction

Writing sentences that I actually like 

My siblings and my parents when they're being chill and funny

Watching my favorite tv shows and movies and yelling about them into the void 

Finding a new good song 

Fresh out of the shower + fresh clean sheets feeling when you go to bed

When I come downstairs in the morning and my dog greets me right at the bottom step with her lil’ tail wagging

Knowing that if I ever needed someone to chat with, someone would be there to lend an ear

Tigers

Lions

When you shuffle your music and the exact song you want to hear plays

When all my family is around the outdoor fire on a summer’s evening

When my nieces and nephews give me squishy kid hugs

Being home alone and being able to cook or bake in the kitchen without disruption

Driving around with a friend in the evenings and just belting our favorite songs

Seaside walks

Disney World

Seeing live theatre

The sun shining on leaves and stone buildings

Dancing when I'm alone

Color-coordinating my outfit

Floating on my back in the sea

The smell of summer nights

The smell of winter mornings

Colorful things/environments

Bunnies

Walking along lakes/rivers/the sea

Spending time in nature

Taking care of my plants

Giving affection to my loved ones

Listening to other people's stories

Reading about people I've never met before or places I've never visited before (especially if they are now just a part of history)

Embroidering

Pandas

Swimming in a river or the sea

Stargazing (my favorite moments usually happen an hour before sunrise)

White-caged-bird

Feeling the breeze when I spin and my heartbeat when I dance for an hour at a time

All the wonderful smells of flowers and colours that nature has to offer

Sharing good laughter with someone

Feeling like I belong

Travelling and discovering new customs of different cultures

Hiking or foraging

That feeling when I'm approaching the end of a really good book and I let myself be engulfed by the fact that it's a unique experience, that I'll never experience as the first time again

Observing my local fauna

Petting and taking care of an animal (double the joy if it is friendly with strangers)

Drinking a good cup of honey tea

Finding a perfume that suits me

Eating something sweet

Enjoying a meal with others

Cat paws tapping on the floor

Dipping a biscuit into tea

Trying to catch leaves falling from the tree

Having sunlight hit your face when you’re napping

Objects that cast a rainbow when the sun shines through them

Seeing patterned shadows

Ambient mood lighting

Sleeping

Wearing jewelry 

Cheese

Playing chess

Fresh air

Going somewhere new

My Mom’s cooking

Being inspired

When someone holding your hand rubs their thumb lovingly in circles

Picking strawberries

Otters

Painting the walls of my room

Wind chimes

Seeing that your favorite people are active online

Finally understanding something you were struggling with

The excitement you get when someone reblogs your writing or art

Getting a new notebook or journal

Appreciation

Validation

When someone tells you they love you and mean it

The smell of freshly baked bread

When my dog falls asleep on me

Making new online friends

Found family

Finishing cleaning my room

When someone lays their head on your shoulder

Doing something right on the first try

Finally sitting down after standing for a long time

Getting goosebumps from hearing or seeing something you love

Seeing a gorgeous view

Loving someone and them loving you back

Freshly baked gooey cookies

When a song comes on and everyone starts singing

When I’m out for a run and it’s hot and it starts raining. Nothing makes me feel more like a human than getting caught in the rain on a run

Swimming in the ocean

When people are talking about something they really love and get carried away trying to explain it all to you

Puppies

Being in the middle of nowhere and actually getting to see the whole sky of stars that you never get to see in a city

Finding people that love the same things you do

 When something silly reminds you of someone you love; like every time I see an orange and green gummy worm I think of my sister

When you’re hugging someone and they squeeze you a little bit before they let go

Weather where you can leave all the windows open in your house

Trampolines

Driving with no destination in mind

Falling asleep to the sound of rain

Hearing other people laugh

Laughing only because you hear someone else laugh and it's just so contagious

The first snowfall of the year

Disney movies

Listening to someone tell stories and they have like 15 side stories in between the main one

Romantic movies

Bubble baths

Smiling between kisses

Wearing sweatpants

A clean house

Pizza

My computer

Cheesy pickup lines

When people tell me they miss me

Cool spring mornings after a storm

My job

Butterflies

New shoes

Oversized shoes

Caramel apples

Volunteering

Meditating

Running my blog

Finding sea glass at the beach

Getting my nails done 

Planning vacation

Hot cider

Telling people I love them

Writing in my gratitude journal

Eating homegrown vegetables, fruit, and herbs

Remembering a good dream I had

Happy endings

Colored pens

Decorating for the holidays

Finishing a really good tv show

Leopards

Summer rain

Thunderstorms where I can just open my window to the full extent and just watch and listen

Calls with my best friend

Seeing a meme and sending it to my friends

Getting an email from AO3

That moment when you get an idea for creating something

Walking barefoot on the grass

Sending thank you notes

Writing events I’m looking forward to on my calendar

Dippin' Dots

Spicy food

Seeing a full moon

Eating cookie dough

Eating seasonal food

Bubble wrap

Going to the car wash and getting rainbow soap

Dark chocolate

Soft blankets

Weighted blankets

Soft drinks with crushed ice

When I get an unexpected phone call from someone I love

Wearing flip flops

Longer daylight hours

Having a BBQ

Frosting cookies

Making cupcakes in the microwave

Watching the Hallmark channel during the holidays

Taking selfies or photos with people I love

Putting on lotion

The smell of a baby’s head

The Office

Online shopping

The smell of freshly cut grass

Surprising my family or friends

Looking at the clock when it’s 11:11

Being productive

Quilts

Doing good on an exam

Someone doing a favor for me (especially when I didn’t ask)

Eating pancakes with syrup

Origami

Sprinkles

Confetti

Waving at people

Giving high fives

Complicated Handshakes between you and your best friend

Naps/feeling well-rested

Eating one of my favorite foods

Hearing good news from/about a friend or family member

Looking at nature (these days it's seeing squirrels in my neighbour's garden and looking at my plants and trees)

When make someone happy or feel like I made a difference (including a satisfied client)

Success (good grades, a gifset that does well)

Hugs from my mom

Learning new things

Chatting with my friends because they’re all amazing people

Group watches of my favorite tv show or movie

That feeling when the house has just been cleaned/when I’m freshly showered

Making jokes/laughing with people

Reading fluffy fanfics

Driving on the road to a destination far away, I love the trip as much as (if not more than) arriving at the actual place

Reading affirmations

Green tea

Getting breakfast or lunch from a nice restaurant 

Learning about topics that won’t benefit me; like Chinese history, geography, ancient flora and fauna, etc. just things that I find cool 

The jokes my girlfriend makes, especially when they’re the same ones she always makes

Stories from the past! Stories from history from people who actually lived through it

Stories in general, just hearing the life experiences of people in completely different positions from me. I love hearing people’s stories

Drawing intricate things, like old buildings, landscapes, and plants

Cooking a nice meal

Grocery shopping and farmers markets especially 

My cat! All of her weird little habits too, like how she stands in front of my feet so I’ll push her where she wants to go 

Botanical gardens

State parks

Museums

Art galleries

Listening to stories my grandparents tell

When people tell me about their life goals and dreams

Being surrounded by the people I love 

Living the best life I can

Partying hard the night away

Daydreaming

Sunflowers always make me smile

Warm tea

Big fluffy clouds in a blue sky

Friendly babies

Hearing a past favorite song

Singing karaoke 

Biking riding

Helping others

Chocolate milk

Sweets and fruits

Having fun doing things I love

Dragons

Video games

My favorite things

Writing

Affection

Exercising

Being on Tumblr

Pinterest

Looking at flowers and plants

Playing with my cats

Chatting with my friends (at the moment it’s through zoom, of course)

Finding new ways to decorate my room

Window shopping

Spending time with my boyfriend

Wearing my favorite outfit/accessory

Eating something delicious

The cool side of my pillow 

Tears of joy

Woodpeckers

Reading poems

Hugging trees

Tree houses

Airstreams/campers

Playing frisbee

Making sculptures

Puppy ears

The first day of spring

The first day of summer

Sending silly photos to my friends

Building sand castles

Winning prizes at the fair or arcade

Marbles

Cacti

Scrolling through my phone

Writing fanfiction

Seeing someone you haven't seen for a really long time

Putting together collages

Printing out photos I love

DIY projects

Sewing 

Crocheting 

Listening to steel drums

Haunted houses

Going through a corn maze

Picking fresh fruit or vegetables

Bubble tea

Starbucks

Dunkin donuts

Disneyland

Disney Princesses

Climbing trees

Finishing errands

Rewatching my favorite episodes

Scrunchies

Milkshakes

Ice cream blizzards

Listening to acoustic versions of songs

Hot tubs

Rubber ducks

Coconut flavored food

Dipping fries in ice cream

Discovering a new type of animal

Seeing hot air balloons

Frogs/toads

Splashing in puddles 

Having plants inside my house

Teddy bears

Iridescent/holographic things

Bird houses

Breakfast in bed

Crystals/gemstones

Ziplining 

Dew drops

Glow sticks

Flower crowns (especially handmade ones)

Spring rain 

Watching other people make art

Lighthouses

Finding heart shaped things in nature

Thinking of getting my own apartment

Coming up with a new recipe for food

Cookbook recipes passed down through families

Bookshelves

Making pretty yogurt bowls

Seaside houses

Flying on planes and being in/above the clouds

Flower bouquets

Looking at and learning about the planets

Fruit snacks

Palm trees

Weeping willow trees

Cherry blossoms

Eating cake

Decorating cakes with eccentric icing designs and colors

Whipped cream

Having snowball fights

Hearing Christmas music

Tattoos

Wearing rings

Green grass

A tidy organized desk with cute desk supplies

My craft room

Hammocks

Little cottages

Cotton candy (and cotton candy flavored things)

Looking at all the paint pallet colors in paint stores

Stamps

Taking silly photos in photobooths

Going to the mall

Making jam, especially strawberry jam

Reading outside

Finding a bird nest and watching eggs hatch

Looking at photos of my family and friends 

Finding old flora and art books

Eating fresh corn on the cob with butter on a summer day

Lily Pads

Icicles

Inner peace

Sitting under a tree

Not having to turn on the light in your room when the sun is shining through

When restaurants have patios you can dine at

Fishing on a pier

Seeing old couples in public

Making gifs

Trees swaying in the wind

Anime

Dying Easter eggs

Laying in the trunk of a car and watching the clouds or stars

Night lights

Flower shops 

Outer space

Kitchens

PB&J sandwiches

Toasted Cheese

LoFi music

Listening to/watching ambience videos

Turtle necks

Peaches

Looking at old maps

Figurines of the earth/globe

Honey and bees

Cheesecake

Seeing footprints in sand and watching them be washed away by waves

Anything related to the moon, stars, and sun

Reading my horoscope (even if I know it’s not real)

Archways decorated with hanging flowers

Yogurt

Pudding

Knowing that I’m not alone

Ancient roman sculptures

Macarons

When someone tells me they care about me

Weddings

Watercolour

Birthday parties 

My brother

My sister

When my dog leaves his bed to lay in the sunlight

Doing mini photoshoots with my friends

Hand making bracelets/necklaces (friendship bracelets)

When someone calls me darling or honey

Love letters

Game night

Skateboarding

Stress balls and squishy toys

Starting something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time

Playing cards

Doing puzzles

Word searches

Kittens

Ordering takeout

Stepping out into the fresh air

Creating vision boards

Getting a massage

Writing positive affirmations

Lunch dates

Standup comedy

Listening to classical music

Nature/animal documentaries

Having someone there to listen to me

Listening to someone when they need it

Accepting myself for who I am

Looking back and seeing how far I’ve come and all the progress I've made

Doing something my future self will be thankful for

Speaking up for myself

Being near loved ones

Finding time for my hobbies

Giving myself time to rest

Saturday mornings

Marrying the one I love

Discovering new things

Going to new cities

My idols

Pastries

Feeling the wind on my face on a car ride

The sensation of music in my ears and like nothing else matters

People who have my best interest in mind

Simplicity

Fulfilling my dreams

Discovering a new ice cream flavor

Knitting

Making myself a priority

Knowing that I am important, and I matter

Thank you all so much for following me and supporting my blog! It means a TON! I never expected for this blog to become popular, especially because I originally started it to help myself get through some mental health issues. I am so happy to be able to share my journey of healing with you all! It means the world to me to help or make a positive impact on even just one person’s life! Each and every single one of you is amazing!! You matter and you are SO important! Thanks again for your everything! Have a great day!!! Sending sunshine your way!! 

[platypanthewriter]

The Tanning Rock

Harringrove April prompt 28, Tanning--Creatures!AU (This one grew to nearly 6k and I’m so sorry) @wasting-time-again​ HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, HAVE A MERMAN!  XD

The lawyer who summoned Billy—about an inheritance, he said—was...weird.  Straight out of a movie, with long incisors and a cravat, and he steepled his fingers as he talked.  

Max said he was probably actually a vampire, and Billy agreed—which was weird, because as far as Billy knew, his mom’s family wasn’t exactly old money, and it was hard to imagine a vampire getting on a plane to fly clear to California and summoning him to a crypt full of file cabinets, all just to read a will about his mom’s collection of surfing stickers and pile of old National Geographics.  

Billy knew his father had disowned him, so he bit his lips together, waiting to hear that his mother had died.

“I am here about the estate of your grandmother,” said the vampire lawyer, and Billy drew a shaky breath of relief.  “Your mother was disowned—” he said, and Billy almost snorted a laugh—like mother, like son, he thought, “—and so her domicile has passed to you.”

“Wait, what,” Billy breathed, wide-eyed.

“It is an unusual case,” said the lawyer—Fangun and Stayk, est. 986, read his card, but Billy wasn’t sure whether he was speaking to Fangun or Stayk, or whether the whole thing was a joke yet, so he kept his mouth shut.  “You will take ownership of the house and land, however, you may not live there—that is, not year-round, not unless you are given an invitation by a resident.  It is a closed community.”

“...can I sell it?” Billy asked, and the deepset eyes of the lawyer stared back at him, bloodshot and dry.

“At well below market value,” he said, steepling his fingers again.  They made a dryish noise.  “As I said, they dislike outsiders.  And a stranger will be even more of an outsider than you, in whom runs...the blood of the place.”

Billy wondered, dully, whether he’d inherited a haunted graveyard, or a den of werewolves, and groaned into his hands.  Maybe he was part zombie somehow.  Just his luck.  “Where is it,” he sighed.

“It is not on commonly available maps,” said the vampire, and Billy nodded.  It figured, he thought, though his ears perked up considerably when his grandmother’s lawyer laid out a map of Hawaii.

 They got a ride from the shore on a fishing boat at four o’clock in the morning.  “It’s barely tourist season yet,” said the fisherwoman, showing Max how to steer.  “There will be a ferry, in a week or two, but I can give you two a ride out the day your visa’s up if the ferry quits sooner.”

“We want enough time to look around,” Max said, glancing at Billy.  They’d let their lease run out, and sold most of their things, because a few orange crates of records were a small price to pay for never running into Neil Hargrove around town.  “You could get a job on one of the normal islands,” Max had suggested, quietly, over and over.  “If they don’t like us enough.”

Billy’d never suggested moving Max so far away, but she’d assumed they were going, and after a while he went along with it.  It wouldn’t be so bad, he thought, getting a job in a hotel somewhere after the islanders threw him out.  Max would probably love it, in Hawaii.  

A fresh start, she had said, and it sounded good.

He and Max were greeted by a woman in a wheelchair, who stamped their passports.  “Technically, we’re a different country,” she said, smiling.  She had very brown skin, and looked contentedly half-asleep in the sun.  “You’re the only visitors on the island, for a week or two,” she said, cocking her head.  “We’re not always in a big hurry to scrub up the ferry for the summer.  We love the money, but the tourists...” she laughed, shaking her head.  “Three-month pleasure trip visa.  Have a nice summer,” she said, waving them away.  

Her benign lack of interest lessened Billy’s initial fears that he’d inherited membership in some rich, yoga-pants-wearing, white Human Superiority cult.  

 The house was traditional-ish, with a grass roof and walls, big open windows with no glass, only shutters, and a wide shaded veranda all the way around.  It looked over a beach with rolling waves, and Billy couldn’t wait to get his board out there.

“I’m gonna look around the house,” Max said.  “See if I can find any neighbors.  Maybe I can bring them cookies.”  She set her jaw, frowning around at their luggage, and the scattered pillows.  “Maybe we can buy some furniture somewhere.”

“...we can always just come here for summers,” Billy told her, breathing it in.  

“Yeah, you’re gonna have a great time getting a tourism job where you don’t work summers,” Max said, raising a sarcastic eyebrow, and Billy realized with a sinking feeling in his stomach that she expected him to figure it out.  Find someone who wanted him to stay, here, on the island, at his grandmother’s house.

“I’m no good at making friends, Max,” he reminded her, and she snorted.  

“Better get out of my hair, then.”  She folded her arms, taking another deep breath of the smell of grass in the sun.  After a long moment, she looked back at him again.  “...we’ve got a little over three months, Billy.”

He suspected it sounded longer to her.

 When he wandered down to the beach, Billy could see someone’s tanned shoulders lying across a jutting rock about fifty feet out, and he paddled a ways towards it on his surfboard, getting the lay of the ocean.  There was a rip tide, dark and eerily quiet, to his right, but the rest of the beach had shallow, warm, clear waves over white sand and coral until a dark dropoff about fifty feet out where the rolling waves began.  

As he paddled closer to the rock, he could see the man on it—asleep, Billy thought, just lying in the sun as the waves lapped at his skin.  As Billy drifted closer, paddling with his hands, he could see a long-fingered hand hanging in the water, and he paddled faster, suddenly wondering whether the man wanted to be out on a rock, or whether he was a Dude In Distress, his leg cramped, needing a ride to the beach on Billy’s surfboard and a trip around the boardwalk, and maybe some shaved ice.  

As Billy approached, the guy opened his eyes, frowning over at Billy with wide, half-awake brown eyes.  He pushed himself up on the rock with his arms like the goddamn Little Mermaid, Billy thought, amused. His throat went dry watching the flex of muscle, and the water droplets where the dude had lifted himself out of the bay.  

Billy paddled at random, a little, unable to tear his eyes away.  He cleared his throat.  “Just, uh, making sure you didn’t need any help,” he said, staring at the tanned arms and swimmer’s chest in front of him, nearly triangular, like a superhero.  “I, um.  Guess you’re fine.”

The guy raised his eyebrows, starting to smirk, and then his eyes widened, and Billy realized in a flash of blue and foam that he’d drifted right into the fucking rip tide.  Right in front of the gorgeous dude on the rock, Billy thought in the back of his mind, trying to hold onto his surfboard and let the rip tide take him wherever it would.  Just his luck, he thought, dying because he was so damn gay he saw nice shoulders and his brain switched off.  He hadn’t even gotten a chance to breathe before he got sucked down, and his lungs and sinuses were starting to ache worse than the rest of him, even as he was buffeted around against his board, when an arm slid around his waist.

He wanted to yell at the guy—and he did, in an explosion of bubbles—because what the hell good was it gonna do, swimming into a rip tide, but the muscles against his back and butt flexed, and they were moving sideways out of the rip tide, and then Billy’s head was above water.  He gasped and choked, coughing up half the sea.  The ocean moved soothingly around them, as this dude had no trouble holding Billy up, and Billy tried to clear his throat and eyes.  

“Have you seriously never seen a tail before,” the guy groaned, hauling Billy along like he was no more effort to lift than a little kid at the pool.  Billy felt rock against his thigh, suddenly, and scrambled onto it, coughing and wiping his eyes to see he was on the jutting rock the dude must have jumped off of, to save him.  

“How-how fucking humiliating,” he gasped out loud.  “Can’t believe.  C-can’t believe I fucking p-paddled into a rip tide.”

“You drifted back into the...yeah,” his hot rescuer said, still in the water, with one hand on the rock to hold him steady as he frowned at Billy.  His voice sounded a little odd—Billy was reminded of the Chinese grocery by his house, where their English was perfect, but they had a lilt as they tried to speak an atonal language with a tonal ear.  Up close, he was even prettier, with moles Billy wanted to track down his neck and shoulders, and a doubtful, scrunched-up mouth Billy wanted to kiss.

“Sorry,” Billy wheezed, still coughing.  “Sorry, I’m such a moron, sorry.”  He tried to keep his eyes above the water level, but some part of his brain kept looking for tanned legs kicking under the surface, and he suddenly registered that the moving colors weren’t just fish and anemones.  “Holy shit,” he coughed out.  “You have a tail.”

His rescuer frowned harder, probably worried Billy had brain damage.  “I figured that’s why you swam into the rip tide,” he said slowly, and Billy shook his head, groaning.

“No—fuck, I’m sorry, you—you’re just hot as fuck, I’m just a moron, I’m—damn it,” he sighed.  “Sorry, jesus, I’m so fucking rude, sorry, I just didn’t notice, I was like ‘How the hell did he get me out of there?  OH!’, sorry,” he muttered, sighing.  “...drown me.”

“I am though, right,” the merman said, grinning, “—hotter than you,” and Billy realized he’d found the only person on the island more annoying than he was.  

“Yeah, yeah, just laugh at the poor gay moron who nearly drowned staring at you, that’s nice,” he huffed, lying back against the warm rock to catch his breath.  

“Was it love at first sight?” asked his rescuer, and Billy opened his eyes to glare.  

“Shut up, asshole,” he grunted.  

“Just asking,” his tormenter asked.  “Are you gonna pine away, sighing over me?  Hey, d’you think you’ll always do that?  If I swim over in town, you think you’ll fall off the boardwalk?”

“Fuck you,” Billy told him, leaning his face in his arms and laughing.  “Yeah, probably, you shithead.  Are you gonna...follow me around?  So I can look like more of an idiot?”

“Mmm, can you though…” the gorgeous merman asked thoughtfully, and Billy growled into his arms, feeling his whole body warm.  He blamed it on the sun.  “Why,” his rescuer asked, pulling himself up to laugh against Billy’s ear.  “—you want me to follow you someplace?”

“Oh my god,” Billy groaned, laughing harder.  “Are you afraid to leave me alone now?  What if I try and eat my surfboard?”

“...are you gonna?” 

“Maybe?!” Billy told him, then pushed himself up, frowning around to look for it.

“I’ve got it, it’s right here,” the smug asshole told him, waggling the surfboard in the water.  “Want me to take you back to shore?”

“No!” Billy laughed, sighing.  “I’m going surfing, just because I nearly died making an ass of myself doesn’t mean—”

“Hrm, maybe I should keep an eye on you.” 

“Why,” Billy asked, then pitched his voice just a little lower.  “You like what you see?”

“I could get used to it,” the merman said, and Billy started to preen, but the dickhead finished with “—kind of a comedy special, kind of thing,” and Billy reached over and smacked a big splash of water at him.  

He laughed, his throat arching back, the gills along it thin dark lines that Billy fantasized kissing around.  

Just as Billy was considering grabbing the surfboard and using it as a weapon of blunt force trauma, the merman leaned in close, his smirk widening around pointed teeth, and his cool, salty lips pressed firmly against Billy’s.  Billy made a weird gulping noise in his throat, and the asshole started to pull away, but Billy leaned in, and fell clean off the rock.  His weight dunked them both, and they rose sputtering and laughing, Billy held securely in his merman’s arms as his surfboard floated away.  He couldn’t really bring himself to care.

“...my name’s Billy,” he panted.  

“...Steve,” the mer-dickhead said, raising his eyebrows, like it was weird to want to know his name.  

“...I inherited a house here,” Billy told him in a rush, drunk on kisses.  “I’m from California.  My mom used to talk about this place when I was a kid.  Surfing here.  With her mom.”

“...is she here?” Steve asked, steadying them with one hand on the rock, and glancing back at the beach.

Billy laughed, shaking his head.  “Fuck, sorry, you don’t need to know my shit.  We can make out.  You’re short-circuiting my brain.”

“...I should probably get your surfboard,” Steve told him, grinning, but he leaned his head in again, gentle with his sharp teeth, and Billy inhaled shakily as the points grazed his lips and tongue.  

“Jesus,” he whispered, once he could talk, and then he licked his lips and wrenched himself away to swim after his surfboard, just so his smug rescuer wouldn’t have to fetch it for him.  The waves got bigger as he got out to where the trees weren’t acting as a windbreak, and he clambered up on his board, glaring back as Steve wolf-whistled.

 When he let the tides pull him back towards the gorgeous merman on the rock, he lost his mind again, telling him his tail looked like a peacock butt, and Steve cracked up, grinning at him.

“...so, neighbor, you have to win someone over enough to invite you to stay,” he said, cocking his head.

“Yup,” Billy told him, pointing up at the house he’d inherited, built into the hill, the old grass vacation cottage blending in with the trees.  

“And your method is to tell me I look like bird ass,” Steve continued, and Billy grimaced, waving his hands.

“No!  No, I don’t—I know people have to get to know you.  Here.  I’ll…” he sighed.  “I’ll try for a few months and see what happens.  If nothing...clicks, maybe I’ll try again next summer,” he said, grimacing, and wondering what Max would do, if they weren’t allowed to stay.  Leave, maybe, he thought—she was seventeen, and she could get a job herself.

 He ended up teaching Steve to surf, after showing off his best efforts.  When he swam back, panting, Steve looked properly impressed, and even more tanned.  “Teach me,” he said, and Billy leaned in to kiss him again, nodding.  

“That gonna get you to like me enough to let me stay?” Billy asked, and Steve frowned at him, but Billy laughed, and leaned in for another kiss.

“Tomorrow?” Steve had whispered against his lips, and Billy got no sleep at all that night, he just rolled over every couple hours to check the clock, and see that another two minutes had passed.  

Steve was fascinating to watch on the board, his tail trailing as he controlled it with his hands around either side, his abs flexing as he held himself in a kind of plank pose with the support of his tail.  Billy watched, and realized he was drooling.  

“You like me enough to keep me?” he asked that night, teasing, and Steve laughed.  

“Ask me again tomorrow.”

 Merpeople—or at least, Steve, Billy corrected mentally, realizing he was dealing with a sample size of one—loved bread.  Like a cat, Billy thought, watching Steve eye his croissant, or bagel.  He started just bringing one every morning for Steve, and some coffee, and it was hilarious watching the fluffy flesh of a croissant dangling between Steve’s shark-like teeth.  He waited every morning, and even though Billy wasn’t sure whether Steve was waiting for Billy or the bread he was carrying, he got heart palpitations every time he came down the ramp to the dock, and he could see the little lump of Steve’s head on his folded arms, the rest of him hanging off into the water.

“A few bagels aren’t enough to win me over,” Steve told him, and Billy’s stomach twisted, a little.  He wished he hadn’t brought it up, kind of—the knowledge that he might have to leave hurt, like a sore tooth he couldn’t stop worrying at in his mouth.  “Maybe more croissants,” Steve said, smiling, and Billy brought him more croissants.

 When they’d arrived, they’d discovered the town was filled with mermaid stuff, and at first, Max and Billy had snickered at it, because surely even if there’d been a merperson or two living near a human town once, they’d died decades ago, or they just traded with fishing boats, far out at sea.  They hadn’t considered the amount of people in wheelchairs, or the spray bottles close to hand.

When Billy suggested he bring lunch down from town, Steve swam over to haul himself up—his tail flashing in the light—through the bottom of one of the little sheds on the dock.  Moments later, he banged the door open, wheeling out in an old rusty wheelchair.  He spun it in a circle, waiting for Billy to climb out of the water, and then zipped ahead up the ramp to the path.  

“Wait up, jesus,” Billy yelled after him, and Steve laughed, the muscles in his arms mesmerizing as they spun the wheels.  He slowed down eventually, panting, enough for Billy to jog and catch up.  “...lemme know if you want me to push,” Billy told him, and Steve snorted.  

“Touch my chair and die,” he said.  

“Fair enough,” Billy said, holding his hands up, and Steve laughed.  

“It makes me…” he squinted, thinking.  “...seasick…?” he offered, and Billy nodded, trotting along next to him.  

“Motion-sick, probably,” he suggested, and Steve mouthed it as he rolled along.  

 The lady at the shaved ice stand leaned out and folded her arms on the edge of the little window, laughing at Steve.  “You know they make those that work!” she called, and he flipped her off.  “They don’t have to be electric!  They make ‘em that just move smoothly.”

“It’ll just rust in my shed,” Steve told her, shrugging.  “It’s fine.”  As they waited for their tacos, Steve pulled up to a table, and his rusty, janky wheels kept rolling backwards, until Steve sighed and bent down to stuff some rocks under there.

“My friend Robin and I went in together on a nicer one,” he said, “—but I can’t park it in the shed.  This one’s not so bad,” and Billy’s perception of it shifted a bit—maybe it was more like getting stuck with an old beater car occasionally, instead of something Steve needed help with.  “...want to wander around, after?” Billy asked.  “I haven’t got any souvenirs yet.”

Steve paused, then licked his lips.  “Planning your trip home already?”

“...dunno yet,” Billy said, the invitation unspoken between them.  It seemed ridiculous to want to stay so badly just because he’d met a pair of gorgeously tanned shoulders and a teasing smile, but it also wasn’t...hard to imagine, lingering on the island to go snorkeling with Steve, and learning about the reefs—he’d absorbed enough for a few semesters of marine biology, he was fairly sure, but told as stories, just off-handed things Steve had seen—and Billy was already wanting a drysuit, so he could go in the fall.  Maybe Billy could get a job on a fishing boat, he thought vaguely, or help out in one of the shops.  

If Steve would invite him.

Steve had slid his hands under Billy’s swimsuit a few times, pressing him back on their rock, or on the docks, rocking into him as Billy panted and gasped and fell apart under his hands—but he never said anything, after, and Billy hesitated to ask whether it was...anything, to Steve.  Maybe he picks an idiot every summer, he thought, watching Steve smile at the depictions of mermaids on every surface of every shop on the main street.

“You all spend so much time keeping everything dry and dead,” he said, grinning over at Billy, who’d been anticipating a comment on the mermaid’s hourglass-like proportions, not her lack of water damage.  

“...oh,” he said.  

“I have a figurehead like that, but covered in anemones,” Steve said, cocking his head.  “It’s beautiful.”

“I mean...you could...plant a vine on it, maybe?”

Steve nodded.  “Put it outside in the rain, let it grow.”  The lady behind the counter sighed, rolling her eyes, and Steve laughed.  

“There’s a whole movement to ‘preserve’ our art,” he whispered to Billy.  “Which mostly means they don’t let it become our art.”

“Huh,” Billy said, wondering whether human houses looked like museums, or mausoleums, to merpeople.  

“Not to say that I’d pour water on your television set, or drop your mattress in the bay,” Steve said, grimacing a little, and watching Billy’s face.  “I get that much.”  He looked kind of uncomfortable with the lady behind the counter glaring at him, ducking his head.

Billy leaned to kiss him.  He nearly steadied himself on the chair, and then remembering it would roll, and just held his hands away.  Steve grinned up at him, particularly at his outstretched hands, and yanked Billy down on his not very much of a lap, hurriedly curling his tail up and around Billy’s waist as Billy threatened to slide down the smooth scales to the ground.  Billy threw his arms around Steve’s neck, wide-eyed, as Steve held the wheels firmly, keeping the chair from rolling backwards under the weight of two grown men.  

“Let’s go,” Steve whispered, and Billy nodded, breathing Steve’s sun-and-salt smell, and wondering whether it was okay to ask whether Steve would consider inviting him to stay—just until the next season, Billy thought, as the chair and Steve’s tail moved under him.  Until the next summer, when he could ask whether Steve wanted him to stay again, or whether he wanted Billy gone.

After staying a whole year, Billy thought he might not have it in him to ask whether Steve was tired of him yet, but the thought of waking every morning to run down to the docks with coffee and banana bread was addictive, and he tried not to think about the end.

 Billy ran into the lady who’d stamped his passport, and caught himself staring at her tanned legs propped up on the railing.  “Oh, I’m human,” she said, laughing.  “But I love it here.  I can even shop in the little bookstore, imagine,” she said, and now that Billy thought about it, he realized it had an elevator in the back, and little lifts for the walkways along the higher shelves.  “I’ve never had someone offer to lift me into their cafe, here,” she said, her nose wrinkled, and Billy nodded slowly.  

“Shoot that thing!” she yelled, when she saw Steve’s awful old wheelchair, and he flipped her off.

 “We can only invite a few people,” Steve told him, as they ate noodle bowls.  “It’s for somebody you marry, you know, their family, maybe.  Or if you leave the island, and have a kid.”

“Yeah,” Billy said softly, hearing the message clearly—invitations were not to be wasted, and Billy wasn’t special enough to keep.  He finished his lunch, trying not to feel all butthurt about it.  Max would probably understand.

Steve kissed him again, on the docks, and Billy leaned into it, feeling the familiar pressure of tears in his sinuses, and behind his eyes.  He had three weeks left, he told himself.  Three more weeks.  Steve slid a hand up the back of Billy’s head, humming against his mouth, and Billy let himself go soft in his arms.  

When they returned to the docks, Steve dug a big beach blanket out, and they spread it out on the sand, and Billy stayed out that night, losing himself in Steve’s warm hands and mouth, under stars like he’d never seen before.  

 Steve was watching his face the next morning, with a little frown, and Billy pulled away, sitting up.  

“Better than croissants?” Billy asked, smirking a little, and Steve sighed.  

“Was that what this was?  Fucking me won’t make me give you an invitation,” he said.  He didn’t look amused, the way he had over the bagels, and Billy wondered whether it had worked, a little.  Billy’d always had a talented mouth.

“I won’t know if I don’t try, will I,” he said, laughing.  “Maybe another round will help?”

“...I have to go,” Steve said, and he didn’t even fold up the blanket, just pushed himself off the edge and slid over the wet sand into the water, gone in a flip of tail.  Billy watched for long minutes to see whether he’d come back—they’d been spending every day together, but probably Steve had stuff he needed to do, all the things he’d done before Billy had shown up at the island, easy with his body and his affections.

Billy folded up the blanket, and sat it in the shed, looking around.  There really wasn’t much in there—it was the size of a small bathroom, with some knives for fishing, and a frayed net, and the beat-up wheelchair.  

It smelled like Steve, and Billy stood and breathed, his eyes blurring with tears.

 Steve didn’t come back, and after an hour or so Billy walked home, and ran into Max returning.  “Billy!” she said, with a wide grin.  “Nice night?  I was out getting breakfast.”  She told him about somebody named El, and somebody else named Lucas, and a Dustin.

Max was making friends too, he realized, which kind of made everything worse—she was doing her best, and Billy was just mooning over some guy who thought he was barely good enough for a fuck on the beach.  She’d even met their families, he realized, listening, and registered that he hadn’t met any of Steve’s friends.  He groaned into the pillows tossed around on the mat floor, and sighed.  

“Should I stop seeing him?” he asked, mostly at the ceiling.  

“I dunno why now,” Max said.  “You’re not gonna find somebody else in a couple weeks.”

“Shit,” Billy groaned again.  

“We can try again next summer,” Max said.  “I like it here.”

The idea of returning the next summer, once Steve was bored, was enough to make Billy clench his jaw tight against the pillow he was hugging, squeezing his eyes shut against tears.  “...yeah,” he said softly.

“God, you sound tragic,” she sighed, wandering over and dropping to sit on his butt.  He grunted.  “It’s fine, jesus.  Worst case scenario we have a, like, vacation home.  The vampire dude said we didn’t have to pay taxes on it.”

“Yeah, just pay for plane fare,” Billy sighed.

“He’s out there, y’know,” she said, “—tanning,” and Billy scrambled up so fast he dumped her with a drum noise on the taut mats.  

 When he swam out, Steve just stared out to sea, and Billy clung to the edge of the rock, biting his lips.

“I’m not giving you one of my invitations,” Steve said.  “So stop trying to manipulate me into it.”

“Yeah,” Billy said, kind of wishing they’d never met.  “Yeah, okay.  Do—is that all, or are you sticking around?”

“I’ll stay,” Steve said, frowning at him, “—if you still wanna waste your time on somebody who’s not—how do you say it?  Putting out?”

“...it’s not a waste of time,” Billy told him, swallowing hard.  “I just wanted it to last longer, is all—” and Steve’s eyes narrowed intently.  He grabbed Billy around the back of the neck, and yanked him into a kiss.  

 The remaining weeks, he took Billy snorkeling, and they had sex every night under the stars, Billy panting Steve’s name, and Steve holding him so tightly it almost hurt.  Billy took him to meet Max, and she eyed him warily, but Billy fought and succeeded at securing Steve a plate of brownies, and he was vocally appreciative.  She softened a little, at that.

 Two days before they had to leave, Steve was lying next to Billy on the wet sand, the waves lapping up nearly to their waists.  His shoulder was warm under Billy’s head, and smelled like the high ocean waves.  

“...d’you think you’ll come back next summer,” Steve asked, and Billy snorted.

“Depends on whether I can afford airfare,” he said, sighing.  “Depends on whether I can get a job somewhere that doesn’t need me in the summer.”

“...so I might just never see you again?” Steve asked flatly, and Billy laughed, shrugging.  

“I don’t know,” he said, “—do you want to?”

“...fuck you,” Steve sighed, and Billy pushed himself up to frown at Steve’s face.  

“I don’t know what you want,” he said, glaring back at Steve’s narrowed brown eyes.  “You wanted me to shut up about staying.  What am I supposed to say?”

Steve bit his lips together, and looked away.  “...you know I’m gonna give you an invitation.  You can just tell me.”

“What,” Billy whispered, scrambling to sit up, his heart pounding as Steve flopped over to scrabble around under his wheelchair, his tail flapping around a little in concentration, like a cat’s.  He held an envelope out to Billy without even looking over.

“There,” he said.  “All yours.”

“What,” Billy breathed, and then he half-crumpled it, opening it clumsily.  “You—you’re giving me one?”

“Two,” Steve said, flatly, frowning down at the sand under his hands.  “You and Max, right?”

“Holy shit,” Billy whispered, scrambling over to kiss him, once, then twice, relishing the little noise Steve made in the back of his throat when his lip slid between Billy’s teeth.  “I have to go tell her,” he said, half laughing, his vision blurring with tears.  

“Okay,” Steve said, quietly, and Billy hugged him before scrambling up and running back to the house.  

 Max stared at the two calligraphed invitations on the odd plasticky “paper” the merfolk used, written in Sharpie, and shook her head slowly.  “You did it,” she said, and Billy laughed, nodding.  

“He wanted me to stay enough,” he said, wiping his eyes, and desperately wanting Max to offer to handle the paperwork, so he could run back and kiss Steve.

There was a knock on the door.  Max ran and opened it, and a short-haired woman wheeled in in a rainbow overall dress, and a small, fancy electric wheelchair, her tail the reds and oranges of a sunset.  Billy never quite stopped being envious of how pretty the merpeople were.

“Steve gave you his invites, didn’t he,” she said, and Max slid them around her back, her eyes narrowing.

“...yeah,” Billy said, warily.

“Give them back to him,” she ordered, glaring between them.  “He’s been saving those a long-ass time.  He’s got plans for those, and he doesn’t need guilt-tripping by a pair of manipulative orphans, jesus.”

“I didn’t guilt-trip him,” Billy said, feeling guilty, suddenly, and remembering Steve’s stiffness as he handed them over.  “I didn’t,” he said, less certainly.  “...he...he just likes me, he wants me to stay—”

“He’s known you three months, and you told him you fucked him to get someplace nice for your sister to live,” she said crisply.  “Give them back.”

“He’s not giving them back,” Max hissed, but she was staring at Billy in horror.

“I didn’t say that,” Billy said, waving his hands.  “I didn’t!  Not...exactly.”

“Fuck you,” the woman said, glaring.  “You pressured him.”

“Fuck,” Billy agreed, his eyes tearing up again.  “Lemme—lemme go talk to him.  Max, give—give ‘em here.”

“No,” she said, sounding choked, but he walked over and grabbed them, and hugged her.  

“We’ll figure it out,” he said under his breath, for her ears only, and ran back out.

 Steve was perched up on his rock again, and Billy grabbed his surfboard and sat on it to glide out, paddling with his hands.  The water was clear under him, his shadow passing over the anemones on the reef, and he watched the fish darting around, swallowing repeatedly.  

“Hey,” he said, when he got close enough, and Steve’s head jerked around, glowering warily.

“...you came back,” he said.

“...you want me to stay, right,” Billy said, cutting straight to the chase.  “You gave me these because you want me to stay.”  Steve frowned back at him, and Billy’s heart sank.  “Answer,” he said, his throat closing around the word.

“It’s what you wanted, isn’t it,” Steve said, reaching out, but he just grabbed Billy’s board before he could drift into the rip tide again.  “You wanted to stay.”  He was tense, and he wouldn’t meet Billy’s eyes.

“What do you want,” Billy asked again.  “...because I think your friend Robin’s in my house, and she says I guilted you into it, talking about Max.  Do you...if I didn’t need an invite.  Would you want me to stay?”

“...I guess,” Steve sighed, and Billy swung his leg over the board, dumping himself straight down in the water, because he was definitely about to make some kind of awful noise, and the sea felt good on his hot, wet cheeks.  Steve couldn’t see him crying underwater, he thought, grabbing a jut of rock to keep himself from floating back up.  

He wished he could take a few slow breaths, he thought, closing his eyes, and then something brushed his arm.  He opened his eyes on Steve’s wide-eyed face, his hair swirling in the water.  Billy bit his lips together harder, his hands clenching on the rock, and Steve shook his head, pointing up. 

“Up,” he mouthed.  “Come on.”

Billy let himself be hauled upwards, and pushed up on the rock again, like when they’d first met.  

“What are you doing,” Steve asked, hanging on to Billy’s surfboard.

“Nothing,” Billy said, keeping his voice level.  “I thought you wanted me to stay.  For me.  You can have your invites back.  I didn’t—” he took a deep breath, hearing Steve’s voice say stop trying to manipulate me, and Robin’s guilt-tripping.  “I fucking know I’m pathetic, okay, you don’t have to pity me.  Sorry I—sorry I fucking tried, jesus, I just—” he shut his eyes tightly again, laughing as he imagined Robin’s disgusted look knowing Billy’d gone out and cried.

“Wait, fuck,” Steve whispered, clambering up next to him, where Billy barely fit by himself, since it was high tide.  He was warm from the sun, his tanned skin gleaming with water droplets, and Billy salivated, because his dick obviously hadn’t gotten the message it wasn’t wanted.  “Wait,” Steve said, half on top of him, his weight grating Billy’s shoulder blades against the rock.  Billy didn’t really mind.  “You only want to stay if—if I want you, what—what does that mean—”  His brown eyes were huge.

“...don’t really know how to be clearer,” Billy told him, unable to pull his eyes from Steve’s mouth.

“You don’t want to stay unless I’m happy about it,” Steve said, grabbing Billy’s hands.

“Yeah, that’s kinda how it gets, when you fall for somebody,” Billy told him, raising his eyebrows, and Steve took a shuddery breath and kissed him again.  He didn’t stop, though, he just kissed Billy and kissed him, laughing shakily, his eyes welling up with tears.  

“Don’t go,” he whispered, as Billy clung to him and the rock, trying to keep them from tumbling off.  “I want you here, I want you.  Stay with me.”

“I’m what you want?” Billy asked, startled, his brain hazy from warm kisses, and the scrape of pointed teeth.  “‘M yours then,” he whispered.  “All—all of me.  S’yours.”

They laid there so long, whispering and giggling, that Billy had tan lines of Steve’s fingers on his shoulder for months.

Here are the other Harringrove April prompts I’ve done!

[rq-s]

Title: Lucid Dreams - Chapter 1

Word Count: 2680

Warnings: Mingyu is featured heavily in the first few chapters and is directly involved in significant plot events. Due to recent events, I understand if reading these chapters may make you uncomfortable, but be aware that you’d be missing core story elements by skipping them. (Details)

Lucid Dreams Masterlist

Prologue | 

It was an hour after dawn, the streets were busy with students and workers on their commute. Yn gazed out of her apartment window, forlornly missing when she would do that. Why wasn’t I doing that? I should still be in college, worrying about scores and my social life.

She was still slowly waking up, with unfocused eyes and bad balance, as she sat at her desk. She shifted in her chair and faced her journal again, with two blank pages staring up at her.

It started as a school project, but it turned into a habit that Yn kept through her youth.

Yn stood and left it open without having written anything, frustrated with herself. If she had dreamt last night, it was long gone from her mind, and she had nothing else to write. There were more days like this lately. Update-less, absent days.

Eventually, Yn left the apartment complex with her phone and wallet and walked the familiar path. For weeks she had been going on walks around town, and she’d always somehow pass by the same peculiar store. She found herself lingering there, wanting to go in just to have her questions answered, but something within herself always stopped her. Online searches turned up very little. Just some patents, an under construction website, a local news article, and a few social media postings by previous customers. Everything she found only made her more curious.

The town seemed quiet, though it wasn’t ever busy. It made the journey to Dream Store a peaceful one, even as Yn's nervousness began to bubble.

She arrived a few hours before noon, the sunlight warm and shining brightly past the cartoonish and fluffy clouds. The well-tended potted plants, power washed sidewalk, and neon sign all had a strangely comforting feeling to them that welcomed her. Even the grey layered siding was sweet, despite how it clashed with the surrounding architecture. Yn stood on the sidewalk, facing the front patio, and hardened her resolve. Today would be her first time seeing what it was like inside; she refused to put it off anymore.

Yn approached the door in quick strides and read the print on the window before entering. “Dream Store | keeping hold of our hearts.”

Her breathing went still as soon as she pulled the door open. It was more spacious inside than the exterior led on, having a pastel pallet and being well lit. It felt like the door way was more then just the entrance to a business.

The first thing to see was the bar. A fairly long one, taking up most of the far wall, yet was still tucked in the corner. From the left wall towards the center were eight different taps, and on a counter behind the bar were two large blenders, a sink, and a small ice cream station with five flavors.  A small Bluetooth speaker on the end of the counter was playing instrumental lo-fi, and somehow the air itself felt light and bubbly against her skin. On the wall above the bar was a large LED menu with what appeared to all be beverages in narrow-necked glass bottles. On the little space that was left against the far wall was a freezer, decorated in stickers and notes. So it’s a juice bar? The tweets just mentioned ice cream. There was a hallway by the fridge, presumably leading to bathrooms and the staff area. In front of that and against the right wall were wood tables and chairs with mismatched cushions. There were similar tables meant for two on the left side, with what seemed to be medium sized square lockers, and two vending machines full of those same bottled drinks from the LED screen. It all felt surreal, it was too perfect.

“Excuse me?” Yn’s attention was brought back to reality by the voice of man, one she hadn’t even seen standing behind the bar until that moment. His fingers were intertwined and rested gently on the bar while he leaned forward, as if he’d been calling her for a while. Once he saw he had her attention, he stood upright and smiled sincerely.

“Welcome to our Dream Store!” It was as if the entire scenario was a prank, he was an actor and this business was a set. Everything was still and quiet, with nothing and nobody in existence but this store and the two of them.

Finally, Yn approached the bar.

Instead of a name tag, the name Mingyu was sewn onto the collar of his white dress shirt. He was very tall, and his uniform was clearly tailored for to fit him perfectly. His smile was kind and courteous as he spoke to her.

“Is this your first time here?” He asked gently, but with no less energy in his voice than before. Yn nodded.

“Gotcha, let’s find you a table then.” He chirped, and walked around from behind the bar, grabbing a physical menu from somewhere behind the register. “Do you like to sit by the window, or in the corner?”

“Anywhere that lets me see the exits, please.” She answered softly. Mingyu didn’t seem phased by her request and tapped his chin in thought while looking around. Only then did Yn notice one of the benches by the hallway was taken, where two teenage girls were fast asleep. It wasn’t uncommon to see college kids or overworked employees taking powernaps at cafés, but seeing them sleeping so peacefully while hunched over the table was something Yn found odd. Are those pillows matching the seat cushions?

Mingyu decided to seat her at one of the tables for two, the one closest to the taps on the bar. She could observe the whole store there, and had a clear view of the front door and the hallway, while sitting snugly in the corner by the vending machines. Yn sat down carefully as Mingyu set the menus in front of her. Sitting down brought her attention up, making her notice the peculiar ceiling with exposed beams, cords, pipes, and ducts, all painted white to match the ceiling itself. Something about the unconventional look of it was comforting for Yn, as if the establishment itself was being laid bare for her.

“First, thank you for coming in, we really appreciate your interest,” He smiled awkwardly for a moment before continuing, “I’m going to get someone from the back to watch the register for me, feel free to look at that menu in the meantime.” Mingyu lowered his head a tiny bit then swiftly headed down the hallway.

Thank you for visiting our Dream Store! All the staff here are proud of our beverages, passionate about our purpose, and excited to give you a safe, enjoyable experience when you spend time with us. We believe that we offer your community something special, not only with our drinks, but with our potential to give each visitor a unique and individualized experience.

Mingyu came back before she could read further, with another tall young man behind him, who promptly went behind the counter and washed his hands after smiling in acknowledgment to her. He seemed familiar, but she didn’t know why or how. Mingyu sat himself across from her with a sigh, feeling very nervous and struggling to act like he wasn’t.

“Alright, sorry about that. Did you get a chance to look at the menu?”

“Only the first paragraph.”

“Okay cool, the way the menu explains it is kind of weird, so it’s better that I do it.” Yn only grew more confused. She watched as Mingyu glanced over towards the other man, she wanted to look back to see what was going on, but didn’t. Instead, Yn watched as Mingyu squinted, shook his head in confusion, and then silently gasped in realization, all within a few moments. Mingyu swallowed and nodded to himself before redirecting his focus back to her.

“Is it alright if I know your name?”

“Uh, sure? It’s Yn.” He nodded formally and put on awkward smile.

“It's nice to meet you, I’m Mingyu. Like I said, thanks for coming in today.” He failed to fight the cringe on his own face and hurried past it.

“Essentially, we can offer you different kinds of drinks: juices, sodas, and smoothies. They’re all made by us, with our recipes, and you can either have them made for here or to go, or even from the coolers right here.” He leaned over and patted the cooler that had a variety of colored drinks in sturdy glass bottles.

“Why do you need to explain that to me?” She asked without thinking, having already picked up on the fact that this was a place that sold beverages. It was a selling point that they concoct them themselves, and that they can do all this seemingly without a big brand to fund them, but she doubted that it required introduction to every new customer. Yn heard the man behind the register chuckle, then try to hide it with a cough.

“I was getting there.” He stammered, his face flushing a soft red.

“If you’d like to have something here, there’s the option to make it a sleep aid. We call it a Sleepy. With those, we prepare the drink as we usually would, but instead of the liquid sugar we usually use, we use a mix of liquid sugar and drowsiness medicine. We’ve been able to use that in a low volume but effective dose to allow our customers to have a refreshing drink, followed by a recharging nap.” Yn watched him cringe again as he tried his best to explain it without making it sound as bizarre as it was. He continued as soon as she tried to comment, eager to get it the introduction over with.

“You don’t need to worry though! When a visitor picks one of our sleepy drinks, we give them a key to their corresponding table, and that key opens one of those lockers. You can put your things there beforehand so you know they’re safe while you sleep. We have cameras in here and outside, and there’s always at least one member of staff on duty who's trained to handle altercations of any kind, and all of us are trained in first aid and emergency procedures like CPR.” There was another chuckle from behind her, and he didn’t even try to hide it this time. Mingyu glared at him, and this gave Yn her opening to speak.

“So you take safety seriously, that’s good…” She was at a loss of what to say, having been bombarded with information, all of it outside of what she’d expected. She wasn't sure what the odds were leaning toward: him having a scripted yet speedy and thorough defense to any worries or questions she’d have, or that he’d flounder as soon as she asked for details.

“Of course we do. We know it’s a risk to just take a nap at a café. Especially one run but a bunch of young adult guys. But we’re trying something new that no one else in the world is doing, and we really believe in it.” Mingyu’s sudden sentiment was sincere, and his nervousness looked more like vulnerability now. Something compelled her to trust him. Maybe what he was saying about having something completely unique wasn’t true, Yn had no clue, but it might as well be for a town like theirs.

“You’ll notice that we have 13 distinct drink options available right now, each one named after a member of the staff.” Mingyu  opened the menu and flipped a few pages till Yn could see depictions of each of the drinks. They were colorful, and beautifully presented on the pages, with descriptions of each one. He stopped on a page of cool toned drinks.

“Let’s say you come in and decide to order a Sleepy Mingyu, that’s this one,” He pointed to the deep purple iced drink and tapped its picture fondly. “It’ll come in a medium glass bottle, with a straw and napkin of course, along with a locker key that corresponds to whatever table you pick. While we’re making it, you can put your stuff in the locker, and inside the locker will be a small pillow, but you don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. We switch the covers after every use and wash all of them each night, so don’t worry about that either. You can decide to keep the key with you, or give it to whoever’s at the register for safekeeping.” He began to ramble again, wracking his brain to make sure he mentioned everything Yn could possibly need to know while to keep himself from growing too embarrassed. She sat there patiently, listening as he helped her understand. He seemed to grow more uneasy with each word.

“You’ll probably want to wait at your table till the drink is done, it usually takes less than five minutes. We’ll bring it to you.”

Mingyu paused and took a deep breath, biting the inside of his cheek in thought, picking his words carefully. He hadn’t looked at her since his sentiment about safety and now it seemed like he was actively choosing not to look up at her.

“The Sleepys only come in medium because the drowsiness medicine is fast acting, and we try to make sure that you’ll have enough time to finish it all before you fall asleep.” He looked to the man behind the counter, and this time Yn dared to look at him too. But he only looked at Mingyu, giving his coworker an encouraging, albeit aggressive, thumbs up. Mingyu shook his head.

“This is really weird, Jun. How do you guys explain this kind of thing without seeming creepy?!” He seemed deeply upset, frustrated and on the verge of tears. It suddenly felt like Yn was intruding on something private.

“Take a breath, okay?” The man came around the counter and spoke gently to his colleague, kneeling to the ground like a father would when speaking to a child. He was close enough now that Yn could read the name on his collar as Junhui. He put his hand on Mingyu’s knee and squeezed it a few times, urging him to relax. Then he turned to Yn.

“Once you finish your drink, you’re gonna fall asleep, and we’ll watch over you while you do. You’ll have a great dream, and we’ll wake you up at whatever time you told us to when you ordered, or after you’ve been asleep for 2 hours.” Junhui stood back up, and patted Mingyu’s shoulder while still looking at Yn.

“Mingyu is a really great guy. He cares a lot about people and about what we're trying to do here. And if you ask me, his drink is one of the best.” Junhui’s smile was warm and his tone of voice was calming as he praised his friend. Mingyu still couldn’t look at her, facing away from her entirely and looking downtrodden. Yn didn’t know what to say and instead decided to read the blurb about Mingyu's concoction.

A sweetly rich concord grape flavored soda! Mingyu’s soda brings one’s imagination to life, while remaining proud and inspired.

“I’ll try it.” She spoke casually, trying to imagine what such a drink would taste like. It had been so long since she’d had a grape flavored drink of any kind, and something carbonated sounded great in that moment.

“You don’t have to.” Mingyu said pitifully, assuming she chose his drink to help him feel better.

“The picture looks really pretty, I wanna see if it really looks like that.” Her bluntness stunned him, and he wondered if she was bluffing. Even so, he resolved to grin and bare it, standing up from the table. Junhui stepped back and smiled, leaving silently as Mingyu went back behind the counter.

“Alright… Let’s get it ordered then!” He bolstered, ready to reaffirm himself in the form of a fancy looking grape juice.f

[innittowinit]

Abandoned amusement parks are the best place for young children  (chapter 22)

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:

It's wednesday. Eret was still plauging on their mind's and yet they still had to meet up with the Dream Team

Chapter word count: 2123

AO3

Something just.. wasn’t right.

They had shown up invited this time, had made extra sure they weren’t being threatening (he hadn’t even brought his nerf guns!) and had watched multiple videos on how you're supposed to treat your friends and still, the ‘sleepy bois’ were acting like they didn’t want to be here.

Or maybe it was like 2/4 of the brothers who didn't want to be there. Techno and Wilbur were both acting off, very off. For a while, Dream had panicked that this may have been their fault, that he or his brothers may have done something unintentionally horrible enough to completely destroy the only sembilience of trust they had - but the more he watched them, they seemed more sad than angry, more hurt than annoyed.

The first warning sign had been Wilbur snapping at Dream.

===

While watching Techno play some game about farming on his DS, Wilbur sat braiding a section of his hair. Recently he had been trying to learn from both Niki and various youtube tutorials, the action of doing someone’s hair was strangely relaxing and it often left him a little upset at the fact that he had no sisters. What he did have instead was Techno and -in his opinion- Techno’s hair was far prettier than any of the girl’s in their class.

Braiding got hard and confusing but it calmed him down, the repetitive action felt similar to how he felt while clicking on a fidget toy but slower. It kept his hands busy but he had to keep his mind active to make sure he was keeping it aesthetically pleasing, it was really just a nice way to wind down. Plus! Techno liked it too!

The events of earlier that day still plagued his mind. It hurt so incredibly much to try and accept that someone he had trusted so much would betray them so easily. Was Eret ever their friend? Was it a joke from the beginning? Would there ever be anyone who would want to actually be their friend? It sure as hell didn’t feel like it. Everybody would always say they loved them then leave, just like Eret, just like their parents.

Being with his brother helped though, it reminded him that, despite everything, he had three people who were always going to love him and have his back.

Tommy was always going to be chaotically positive. Phil was always going to be strangely parental. Techno was always going to be his best friend.

As much as he believed that blood was thicker than water, the human body couldn’t survive on it’s blood alone, it needed water too. He had his brothers but friends like Niki were unfortunately far too rare.

The comfort of being alone with his brother was quickly cut short as Dream had approached, clad in a green hoodie and a new mask. It looked hand made, like they had paper mached it around a balloon and drew on the face with a sharpie, there were also a couple stickers stuck to it but they were pretty small and looked like they were from shows that Wilbur hadn’t watched. Still though, he looked happier than the last time they saw him (that wasn’t hard to do though, he had his mask this time.)

“Hey guys” The boy had hummed as he sat down near the twins, pulling his knees up on the bench and holding them close to his chest. “Why’re you alone? We were going to play bulldog in the forest if you want to join in”

Wilbur just stared back at him, talking felt like such a hassle right now, he didn’t even want to deal with it. It was just so exhausting.

“Uhm...so you don’t wanna talk.. That’s fine uh” Dream had spluttered out, clearly not expecting such a non-response from Wilbur who was usually the most eloquent one out of the four brothers. “That’s fine, that’s cool. You don’t need to talk if you dont wanna!”

Wilbur almost felt bad. Almost. It was clear that Dream was making an effort, it was clear he was trying his best, if this had been when they first met Dream would have likely made fun of him for not talking but he had learnt from spending so much time with them that sometimes people just didn’t want to talk. As nice as it was to know he was trying to be helpful, Wilbur really just did not want to talk to anyone right now. In all honesty, he didn’t even want to talk to Techno. All he wanted was to sit silently and braid his brother’s hair.

“So uh” Dream cleared his throat, looking to Techno this time when he finally accepted Wilbur wouldn't be communicating with him. “Do you two wanna play bulldog with us? Phil and Tommy are gonna play”

Techno took one look at Wilbur and shook his head. Personally, he wouldn’t mind playing with them, making some new friends might be nice after everything that had just happened but Wilbur was just very clearly not up for talking to anyone.

Sometimes people were upset, sometimes you just needed some time to strop and get out all the negative emotions. Techno wasn’t in any position to tell Wilbur he couldn’t feel the way he felt.

“Oh? Do you want us to wait until you’re finished with your DS? What’re you playin’?”

Shuffling over on the bench, Dream tried to take a peek at the game, seeing Techno tapping quickly on different buttons as his character farmed some crops. It didn’t look too interesting but hey! He had learnt that he shouldn’t insult people for what they enjoy.

“Jesus fucking Christ Dream!” Wilbur finally snapped, pushing the boy away roughly. Maybe he was being a bit short-tempered and mean, maybe they had specifically set up this day so they wouldn’t end up fighting but god dammit Wilbur was upset and he was absolutely ready to make that everybody else's problem.

“Just go away! We don’t want to play your stupid game!”

It was clear that Dream had been a little upset by what Wilbur had said, staggering back a little and getting up from where he had been sitting. Despite the fact that neither boy could see his face they could somehow still read his expression, maybe because he was overly expressive with his body parts to make up for the covered face.

“Oh um.. Okay I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pressure you”

Techno sighed, giving Dream a sympathetic look as if to say sorry and then giving Wilbur a bit of a stern glance, clearly upset with his brother for getting mad like that.

Wilbur didn’t care.

Techno could furrow his brows all he wanted, Wilbur was mad.

=== The second warning was a passing comment made by Wilbur.

This time, the twins had finally decided to join in with the group, it had been right after everyone else had finished playing Bulldog so they were pretty out of breath, meaning all they were doing was sitting around talking.

Tommy was leading the conversation, hopping around and pointing to all his favourite climbing places, every now and then he’d grab someone by the hand and tug them up to show them something. It felt like he really just could not be tired out. Even so, the boy was good at reading people, it wouldn’t be surprising if he was acting extra energetic because he had noticed his big brothers being upset and wanted to give them the chance to pull back from talking if they felt like it. He was young, yes, but out of all four brothers he was probably the one who was best at understanding his own emotions.

“So over there is the big dipper!” He was jumping up and down as he pointed to a large blue drop tower that was partially under the ground. “It goes up super high but then it goes into this big pit! Sometimes I like to climb to the top and sit there!”

Phil’s eyes went wide “Tommy you what?!”

George wasn’t too interested in this explanation of the rides, if he was being honest, he was just sleepy from doing so much exercise after already walking around all day at school. The boy flopped backwards into the dirt, taking off his sunglasses and folding them besides him as he closed his eyes.

It felt nice to just lay in the sun, his brothers teased him a lot for always being so sleepy (it wasn’t uncommon that he would miss appointments or commitments because he hadn’t set an alarm) but it was just so nice and so relaxing to just ignore the outside world for a moment and think. Sometimes he felt like he’d probably be good at meditating but then again his brother’s would absolutely not leave him to chill out long enough for that.

He had been expecting to be either left alone to doze off in the sun, or for one of his brother’s to tug him up and make him stay awake, what he was not expecting was for Wilbur and Techno to join him in laying down.

“The sun is nice today” Techno had mumbled as he closed his eyes, clearly getting a little more comfortable with the boys than he had been previously.

Understandably, George was shocked to hear him talking but he decided that maybe it would help if he didn’t bring attention to it and make it a big deal, he knew Dream was only able to show his face in their house if everyone made sure not to comment on his birthmark, if they did the mask was always brought back out.

“Yeah..it’s nice but it makes me tired.”

Wilbur nodded,George was right a lot of the time; it felt light and warm, unlike the humid air that had caused him to snap earlier. Honestly he felt a little bad about it, he had obviously hurt Dream and he didn’t even apologise. Phil would surely be disappointed in him if he heard about what happened.

“I don't understand why you guys are trying to be our friends” Wilbur confessed, scooching up a little closer to Techno so he could hold his hand. “I understand liking Phil and Tommy but why us? Nobody likes us. Sometimes I wish you would stop trying, I already know how this is gonna end”

Wilbur rubbed at his eyes with his free hand but it wasn’t like the other two could tell since they had their eyes closed thankfully. George wanted to object, to tell them that they did like them and that this wasn’t going to end how he thought it would but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He didn’t know what Wil meant when he said how it would end and it wasn’t like he could just tell them they were wrong about their previous experiences with people. He ended up pondering what he could say for so long that by the time he had a plan laid out in his mind it had been too long to reply and he had already unknowingly made the decision to just stay quiet.

Dream had heard him though. Dream had seen him rubbing at his eyes. Dream had noticed how he held onto Techno before talking about it.

Something was definitely wrong.

===

Eventually Dream decided that enough was enough.

Today was the day when they would finally talk it out, there should be no upset, no turmoil, no arguments, and yet here they were, upset.

At first, he had been tempted to just call them out in front of everyone but under better thought he realised that was most likely a very very bad idea. He wanted to help, not make things worse.

Instead, he just waited for Tommy to drag his brothers and Phil over to the ‘white house’, saying he had to show them around. It seemed like Techno and Wilbur were planning on staying back so really it was the perfect time to talk to them about it.

Once everyone else had left and was out of ear-shot, Dream made his way back over to the boys, absolutely ready to get yelled at again (which really he didn’t mind if it helped Wilbur feel better). This time though, he didn’t sit down; he just stood in front of them and crossed his arms, wanting them to know he was being serious.

“Wilbur. You’re obviously upset, okay? I understand if you’re mad we’re in your park and we’ll leave if you want us to but can you please just talk to us first?”

Wilbur sighed and rested his head on Techno’s shoulder.

Something wasn't right.

[snezfics-n-shit]

Home For The Holidays - An AA fic that’s way too long

I’ve been thinkin bout that post that’s like “character with the kink is sneezing a lot and their partner who usually indulges them is having fun with How The Turns Have Tabled” so now I give you a Wrightworth + snzfcker Phoenix fic based on that exact premise. In which Phoenix re-introduces Miles to Mama Wright, Christmas is celebrated for 2 months straight, and disaster man Phoenix is back on his bullshit.

Tbh if I kept this lying around I’d just keep editing and it’d never get done oof but please enjoy

          Phoenix’s mother had clearly purchased a new doorbell. The tune echoed from behind the door at the press of the button; this year, it was much louder and played Jingle Bells a month too early. Speaking of a month too early, other than a rather articulate variant of a ‘no soliciting’ sticker, the decorations on the door were Christmas themed as well, completely skipping Thanksgiving and likely put up the day after Halloween. That was just how Mrs. Wright was: a major Christmas enthusiast through and through.

Just as expected, she greeted her son and his family while sporting a comfy Christmas-themed sweater. Cats in Santa hats, a design that had Trucy in awe at how cute they were. Christmas and cats, two of Mrs. Wright’s joys in life. Mrs. Wright had little contact with family members other than Phoenix and Trucy, so she resolved a lot of the resulting loneliness by adopting cats. The cats she adopted were a lot like her, having few blood relatives around and finding a home in a found family.

“Phoenix! You’re early!” Mrs. Wright looked up and down at her son, assessing just how many extra pies she would need to make; he was skin and bones since he had been disbarred! “You didn’t have to shave before you came, dear. The holiday is this Thursday, so you have time to make yourself look nice.”

“You tell me that every time I visit, mom.” Phoenix chuckled. “Today, I have a good reason to look nice. There’s someone I’d like for you to meet.”

“Well, I know I’ve met your adorable daughter before.” Mrs. Wright leaned down to give Trucy a big hug. “You have no idea how happy I am to have a grandbaby to spoil!”

“You tell me that every time, too.” Phoenix stepped to the side, showing off Miles, who had done a spectacular job at hiding behind him before the big reveal. “This is my boyfriend, Miles Edgeworth. I’ve been meaning to tell you since we started dating, but only now does he have a day off where you can finally meet in person.”

“Wait, Miles?” Mrs. Wright blinked a few times. Miles was certainly as well dressed as the boy she remembered Phoenix bringing home so many times, but was he the same person? “That sweet boy who would always help me with the dishes when he stayed over? This is him?”

“I believe so, Mrs. Wright.” Miles hardly remembered his youth well enough to give a definite answer, but that sounded like something he would have done. It sounded like something he would do even now, actually.

“Sounds like you found yourself a keeper, dear.” Mrs. Wright held the door open wider to let the trio in. “It’s awfully chilly today. Come inside before you catch a cold.”

The walls were lined with framed pictures of Phoenix, with unsurprisingly many of which being of him celebrating Christmas. The trend continued even with pictures of Trucy that Phoenix had sent to his mother. While there weren’t nearly as many, there were a few notable photos of Phoenix’s parents: the pictures taken when they renewed their wedding vows and when Mrs. Wright got her associate’s degree after Phoenix started working with Mia, for example.

“Ah, now I remember.” Miles looked a little uncomfortable with the holiday-centric décor. “Your mother’s Christmas obsession.”

“Be nice.” Phoenix whispered. “It’s something she really likes; it’s not hurting anyone.”

“I love Grandma’s reindeer!” Trucy lifted herself with her tiptoes, eager to see the skillfully crafted wooden reindeer lining the shelf above the shoe rack. “Rudolph’s my favorite! Because he made everyone real sorry for making fun of him!”

“He did, didn’t he?” Phoenix slipped off his shoes and hung up his and Miles’s coats on the coat rack. “I like him, too. He had a talent that really turned Christmas eve around.” That sounded much like how he used to be in the courtroom. He missed that courtroom a lot.

“I’m gonna go find Buster!” Trucy ran off. Buster was one of Mrs. Wright’s cats; his big personality quickly made him Trucy’s favorite. Phoenix, however, was more fond of Doily (formerly Dollie), a friendly and relaxed cat who was happy as long as she had somewhere to sit. There were three more: a senior cat named Gerald, a gray tabby named Della, and a new kitten named Harvey. While it seemed like a lot of cats, the home Phoenix’s parents resided in after Phoenix left for Ivy University was specifically picked to be spacious enough for even the most rambunctious cats. 

“I believe you told me you wanted to introduce me to your parents’ cats, correct?” Miles followed Phoenix to one of the living room couches. “And you’re sure they’re not aggressive or anything?” While Miles knew dogs had a history of being working and companion animals, he couldn’t exactly say he had read any solid proof of cats earning a similarly high status. Even the nicest cats he had met always seemed more interested in leaving as many scars on his hand as possible than being friendly with him. 

“I can vouch for all but Harvey, since he’s new, but my mom has always been something like a cat whisperer.” Phoenix yanked a tissue from the end table next to the couch’s arm rest. “I’m sure they’ll like you a lot.” He smiled before blowing his nose softly. “My nose must be thawing out.” He chuckled.

“I told you to bring your scarf when I called you.” Mrs. Wright called out from the kitchen. “Now you’re catching a cold, aren’t you?”

“No, I feel fine.” Phoenix rubbed the bottom of his nose with the tissue folded in half. “Just part of warming up.”

“I’m surprised you’d forget your scarf for someone who claims going out with a wet head spells ‘pneumonia.’” Miles hummed. 

“Hey, you know it’s not scarf weather.” Phoenix chuckled and tossed the tissue into the trash bin, impressed that he made the shot. Miles found it amusing that Phoenix completely ignored the wet head comment, likely because he really did tell Miles and Trucy that all the time. “It is the perfect weather for mom’s homemade stew, though.”

“I’m eager to try it, considering you’ve been talking it up since she called to invite us over.”

“It’s really good!” Phoenix repeated the claim he had been making for weeks. “I can’t wait for you to try it.” He pressed his knuckle against his nose. “Hopefully it’ll be dinner soon.”

“That won’t be for a while, I’m afraid.” Mrs. Wright carried some glasses of water to the living room. “Your father is working late tonight.”

“What does he do?” Miles leaned forward.

“He works in construction. He’s very proud of his work.” Mrs. Wright smiled as she placed the glasses of water on the coasters sitting in front of Miles and Phoenix. “Before Phoenix was born, where he worked didn’t earn him nearly enough to support us. He’s been much happier ever since he’s found somewhere that lets us live comfortably.”

“Where did he work before, if you-” Miles was cut off by the sound of Phoenix blowing his nose again. “If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

“He worked with his father and other members of the community he grew up in.” Mrs. Wright explained. “It was actually looked down upon to earn the income we needed, or to even have a dream job. That’s why we’ve been so supportive of Phoenix pursuing his dreams; if he wanted to change his major a second time, we would have gladly let him.”

Miles couldn’t imagine being actively discouraged from achieving success. He assumed that pressure was always the other way around. He wasn’t able to lose himself in his curiosity, though. Phoenix’s deep sniffing made sure of that. 

“Phoenix?” Mrs. Wright cocked her head. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

“Yeah, really.” Phoenix waved his hand as if to dismiss any concerns. “I’m sure this’ll stop before dinner.” His breath hitched for a second, but nothing came of it other than an exhale through his mouth.

“If you say so.” Mrs. Wright stood up and left for the kitchen. “I’m going to work on the desserts, so you two just relax and drink your water. I think you need eight glasses a day.”

“Daddy! I found Buster!” Trucy cradled the fluffy orange cat like a baby, Buster’s favorite way to be held. “He let me hold him this whole time! He’s so nice!” Phoenix gave Miles a reassuring smile, pointing to Buster as proof the Wright cats were much friendlier than past cats Miles had met.

“Hey there, Buster.” Phoenix beckoned Buster to sit on his lap. “Wow, he’s really liking me today.” He blinked a few times. “Normally he just walks away when I ask for him to sit next to me.”

“Maybe he can smell that you’ve been spoiling Pess,” Miles joked, “and he wants you to spoil him as well.”

“Cats are pretty smart. Ah!” Phoenix reached for another tissue, squeezing his eyes shut as he blew more heavily than the last time. “Guess I wasn’t done.” He laughed, dabbing the corners of his eyes. “But yeah, I think you’re right.”

“I hope he’ll like me as much as he likes you.” Miles reached to pet Buster and was shocked to hear the loud purrs the cat made. Buster was so soft, Miles thought he could pet him forever; there weren’t even any claws out. “He’s actually letting me pet him.” 

“I told you so.” Phoenix sniffed. “Buster is really friendly. My parents have had him for almost as long as we had Doily. She’s my favorite. I’d show her to you but she’s probably asleep right now.” He pressed the back of his wrist against his right eye, putting on some pressure as he rubbed absentmindedly. Dropping his hand revealed the area around his eyelid to be a tad pink.

“Are you tired from the trip, love?” Miles removed his hand from petting Buster to caress Phoenix’s cheek. “Maybe you should lie down for a while.”

“Yeah, I usually do that when I visit mom alone, actually.” Phoenix gently picked Buster up to gently place on Miles’s lap, laughing softly as he watched Miles light up in fascination with Buster’s sociability. He disposed of his tissue before poking his head into the kitchen doorway to find his mother and Trucy taste-testing desserts. “Uh, hey, mom?”

“Yes?” Mrs. Wright looked up from the tray of finger food desserts. Quite a few were already gone, but knowing her, there would be more by the time she brought out her famous pumpkin pie.

“I’m going to lie down for a while. I should be up for dinner, though.” Phoenix directed his attention to his daughter, whose whipped cream decorated cheeks were proof she had her share of the desserts. “And Trucy?”

“Yes, Daddy?”

“Try not to eat too many sweets or you’ll spoil your appetite.” 

“Okay.” Trucy nodded and proceeded to put another small dessert in her mouth.

“Go ahead and get some rest, dear.” Mrs. Wright sighed at the sight of Phoenix’s face. “You do look pretty tired. Your bedroom should be ready, but you might need to convince Doily to let you have some room on your bed.”

“Doily’s always been my sleeping buddy here, so I don’t mind.” Phoenix assured. He made his journey upstairs, sniffling once or twice and noting he needed to blow his nose again. The sight of only two twin sized beds in the guest room was disappointing, but considering Miles was a surprise additional guest, it was more Phoenix’s fault for not allowing his mother more time to make the appropriate accommodations. Maybe he and Miles could alternate between the bed and the living room couch while Trucy kept her bunny themed bed throughout the week of their stay. 

As predicted, Doily was sleeping on Phoenix’s pillow and needed just a gentle nudge to let him have somewhere to put his head; not enough to chase her off the bed completely, just enough to make some room.

“Hey, Doily. Did you miss me?” His vision grew slightly blurry and his eyes felt wet. Phoenix didn’t remember yawning, but he must have been really tired. “I could use a nap, too, so I’d like you to… hh… to-- Hh’TTCCHHHhh!” He kept his tongue at the roof of his mouth as if that would quiet the sound. Despite his efforts, he scared Doily off the bed completely. “Ngh… Sorry.” He sniffled with his hand pressed under his nose. Maybe he was coming down with a cold after all. 

He slid himself under the blanket, admittedly afraid of how he would be feeling whenever he would wake up. If he was getting sick, maybe it wasn’t completely bad, considering he was staying with his mother. His mom was good at that sort of thing, even long after he moved out on his own. 

When the back of his head hit the pillow a deep, aggressive itch attacked the back of his eyes and sinuses. How was he supposed to sleep like this? No matter how hard he pressed, alternating between rubbing his eyes and nose, it only seemed to get worse. Was that his pulse? Behind his eyes?  

“A’aschhHUUH! Aa’SSCHHHOOUuh! T’TTCHHuuh!!” He sat up, only just having a moment to get some air before he started again. “T’SHCHUUH!! TT’CHHHOOUH!!”

“Sweetheart, sorry to disturb you, but--” Miles stopped in his tracks at the sight of the state Phoenix was in. “Are you… feeling alright?”

“This has to be the weirdest cold I’ve ever had.” Phoenix squinted as he sniffled thickly. “I just wedt to lie dowd ahd-- Hh’TTTCHHOOH! I cad’t stop sdeezi’g.” 

“I see.” Miles kept his mouth shut regarding how this was the exact sort of thing he’d tell Phoenix to make him flustered. He did, however, thought it would be amusing to see Phoenix’s face when offered a handkerchief. “Here, you could use this.” Phoenix didn’t look flustered at all, simply desperate as he took the handkerchief and sneezed thrice into it. What a shame. “You were fine when we left home.” 

“That’s what’s so weird about it!” Phoenix aggressively rubbed at his face. “Dot to bedtiod everythi’g itches.”

“That doesn’t sound like a cold, love.” Miles wiped some of the tears from Phoenix’s face with his thumb. 

“I feel pretty sick.” Phoenix muttered before blowing his nose again, unsure why he was even bothering at this point.

“I imagine you do.” Miles kissed Phoenix’s very wet cheek. “Poor thing. Do you have any ideas on what’s making you feel so bad?”

“Nope.” Phoenix shook his head. “I kinda just started a little bit when we got here and-- Aa’SSHHOOUH! T’TSSCHHOOUHh!! *snf* I can’t stop since I came upstairs.”

“Maybe you’ve developed an allergy to cats?” 

“Don’t even joke about that!” Phoenix scolded, taking offense. “They’re my family!”

“I’m not joking. It’s a genuine possibility.” Miles made a small gasp and looked at his hand. “I touched your face after petting one of them, too. I’m so sorry.”

"Don't be sorry because I'm not allergic to cats." Phoenix huffed. He pushed the blanket off his lap and stood up, not wanting to discuss the topic further. “I’m going back downstairs.”

“Alright.” There was no point in arguing. If Phoenix was going to be so stubborn about this, then Miles just needed to make the best of the situation.

Miles followed Phoenix down the stairs, briefly interrupted when Phoenix needed to stop halfway so he could sneeze again.

“Bless you, sweetheart.” He thought saying that might push the envelope a little.

“Are you baki’g fud of be?” Phoenix glared at him through red, damp eyes. 

“I wouldn’t dare.” Miles answered sincerely. “You just sound so awful.” Okay, maybe he was having a little fun, nudging Phoenix to hopefully see the amusing irony of his circumstances.

Phoenix grumbled something as he dragged himself to the kitchen, clearly still annoyed with Miles for what he had said earlier.

“I thought you were napping, Daddy.” Trucy looked up from a tall glass of chocolate milk. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“He couldn’t get any sleep, from what I can tell.” Miles leaned against Phoenix’s shoulder. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m getting sick.” Phoenix scratched the back of his head. 

“Oh, I knew you’d catch a cold standing out there without a scarf.” Mrs. Wright gently pushed Phoenix on the way to the living room. “Rest on the couch and I’ll get you some blankets.”

“I told you, it’s just a cold, really.” Phoenix made eye contact with Miles the whole time as he blew his nose with a fresh tissue. 

“Perhaps you’re right.” Miles lied and kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head. “I certainly hope you’ll feel well enough to join us for dinner on Thursday.”

“Of course I will.” Phoenix insisted just before Mrs. Wright draped a large blanket over him. While Phoenix thought nothing of it and the intense itch that followed, Miles needed to hold his tongue as he watched short hairs floating around in Phoenix’s general direction. “T-Thanks.” He stuttered as he fanned his face with his hands, truly a sight Miles wished he could comment on with honesty. “Aa’IIISHHHUUH! T’TCHHUUh!! Ugh. Ow.”

“Your poor nose.” Miles cooed. “It must be so tiring, sneezing like that.”

“It is.” Phoenix furiously rubbed at his eyes. “Agh, my eyes, too.”

“They’re really bothering you, aren’t they?” Miles played up his sincere concern. “Driving you crazy, I bet.” He dropped a hint, hoping that extra pink in Phoenix’s face wasn’t just more released histamine. In the corner of his eye was Doily, who was staring intently at Phoenix. “Hey, little one.” Miles leaned over to pet the cat. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay here like that.” He whispered, not wanting to further offend Phoenix.

Doily, being hardly fluent in human suggestion, hopped onto Phoenix’s lap anyway. 

“Doily, did you come to check up on me?” Phoenix could hardly keep his smile in place before he started sneezing again. “Gh… Sorry, Doily.” He scratched behind Doily’s ears; the sound of his sniffling accompanied her purring.

“Um, sweetheart?” 

“I know what you’re about to say, and I still say no.” Phoenix pet Doily with both hands, almost out of spite.

“No, that’s not exactly--”

“Daddy! You found Doily!” Trucy stared at Phoenix and the purring cat for a while. “What’s wrong with your arms, Daddy?” Miles took hold of Phoenix’s right arm.

“Hey! You’ll scare her away again!” Phoenix protested, not even paying attention to what Miles was doing. Just as he warned, Doily was startled by the sudden movement and ran off somewhere else in the house.

“Hives.” Miles observed bluntly. “Trucy, dear, could you ask your grandmother to find some benadryl?” Phoenix raised no objections to that, which Miles hardly minded at all. 

“Okay, Papa Miles!” Trucy ran off to find Mrs. Wright, leaving Phoenix and Miles alone to hopefully reach an agreement.

“Well, what happens now?” Phoenix looked down. “Do I just never visit my parents again?” Was that his way of saying Miles was right?

“Of course not, love.” Miles massaged the blotchy areas of Phoenix’s arm. “You’ll just need to be more careful, which you’ve been failing to do a lot lately. Feels like everyday I need to pull you out of trouble.”

“I can’t eat mom’s cooking if I’m asleep, though.” Phoenix let his head hit the soft back of the couch.

“Then we’ll pick up something non-drowsy while you’re resting this evening.” Miles made it sound so easy. In fact, everything he had been saying recently sounded just so… so… Oh.

“You’ve been talking like this on purpose.” Phoenix accused, punctuated by a thick sniffle. There was that flush Miles was looking for. “Is that what I sound like?” He hid his face behind his hands.

“I took some creative license.” Miles smirked before kissing Phoenix’s cheek. “I was starting to get worried when you said you ‘couldn’t stop sneezing’ with a straight face.” 

“Don’t remind me.”

“And miss out on all this fun? I think not.” 

“So is this all-- T’TCHHHOOH!” Phoenix pressed his hand under his nose, giving his voice even more of a nasal quality. “It’s all just payback, huh?”

“Not quite.” Miles held Phoenix’s free hand with both his hands. “You always make me feel so attractive even when I’m looking like you do right now.”

“That’s because you can pull it off.” Phoenix finally managed to chuckle. 

“And so can you.” Miles didn’t let Phoenix protest that, shushing him with an index finger pressed to his lips. “I may not know one hundred percent how you see me, but I’d like you to feel every bit as special.”

“Miles!” Aha! Now Phoenix was very red in the face. Mission successful, if Miles said so himself. “Maybe when I don’t hear my mom’s footsteps coming down the stairs.”

[excuseme-youpretty]

BTS Reaction ~ Caught by their child

Anonymous asked:

Hello, can I please request how all the members react to your child walking in in you when your making out or being intimate.🥰

All credits for the gifs go to the original owners/makers.

Genre: Fluff / Crack. Slight smut.

Rating: M

Word Count: 575 - 980

Warnings: Heavy allusions to sex but nothing too graphic!

Kim Seokjin

It is no secret that Seokjin always prefers to perform his culinary magic underneath the rhythmic guidance of whatever cheesy pop song happens to illuminate his beloved sticker-slathered radio. Tonight's offering? Britney Spears. 

As you make your approach from behind, you can hear your husband synchronize the sharp click of his knife tearing through colorful fresh vegetables with the admission that oops, Britney has indeed done it once again, and can't help but to chuckle.

Your arms enslave his midsection as you press your lips into the smooth strip of velvet skin at the nape of his neck. His hands hesitate for a minute only; just long enough for an enthralled grin to decorate his face.

"Well hello, babe. Fancy seeing you here."

Seokjin is careful to peel away the latex of his gloves before he turns, cradling both of your cheeks within his palms as he pulls you forward. His lips just barely brush across your own.

"And where is our little lovebug right now?"

You sigh contently, thumbing over the solidity of his abdomen through his flour-speckled shirt. 

"She's currently captivated by the wonderful adventures of Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse. You know how she gets… she could be watching for hours."

"Hours, you say?" Seokjin smirks, applying just enough pressure on your bottom lip so that he may autograph a signature heart across your flesh with his tongue. "Well, that gives me just enough time to indulge on a craving I've been having…"

Seokjin's palms are exceptionally warm where they slip across the small of your back, thumbs painting intricate semi-circles over the elastic waistband of your cotton shorts before they delve even lower. He palms across your outer thigh with the same delicacy he would afford kneading an enriched dough.

You can't help but to release a small, perfectly clipped exhale of pure bliss.

"Aren't you worried that you will spoil your appetite, Jinnie?"

Seokjin's digits move rapidly. They slot underneath your thighs in order to aid in twisting your body that bit closer, the tip of his nose skimming across your fluttering pulse point.

"On the contrary. I consider this to be an appetiser; an Amuse-bouche if you will." 

Seokjin's velour lips weave a haphazard pathway down between your collarbones, clinging to a particular cluster of nerves that he is certain will nudge you toward delirium. 

"And I happen to find my wife very amuse-ing."

He lifts your thigh slowly, shifting your leg until it wraps securely around his waist, and begins to lift you up onto the counter-

"Eomma!" Your daughter cries, her voice as syrupy-sweet and innocent as birdsong. 

Her little feet pad triumphantly across the kitchen tile, her unicorn slippers squeaking with every fortified step. 

"Eomma, you missin' d'best bits!"

Seokjin is swift to back away from you, dropping your leg as though your flesh had transformed to molten lava and seared his palm. His back hits the edge of the sink with a rather comical thud, ironically synchronized with the orchestral stab of The Backstreet Boys announcing - once again - that they are back.

You have been left rather uncoordinated yourself, heat pouring into your stomach with all of the cloying stickiness of a candy-coated toffee apple.

"Sorry, darling. Eomma will be right there, okay? I was just asking Appa if he needed any help with dinner."

Your daughter's eyes are large and round and so similar to her Father's own that it is almost frightening; they contain an abundance of constellations and more knowledge than should be capable of someone her age. 

Her bottom lip protrudes in thought, plump and ever so slightly discolored from slurping on grape juice all afternoon. It only takes a minute before she nods, seemingly satisfied with your excuse.

"Okai, Eomma. But huwwy!"

Taking off in a carefree, infantile sprint, with her slippers squawk-squeaking all the way, you are finally left alone with your husband once again.

"Rain check?" You ask once your heartbeat has settled back into a reasonable rhythm. 

Seokjin brushes his thumb underneath your jawline, swiping over the small cluster of ginger-hued freckles which kiss your skin. He tips your face skyward, pressing a smattering of kisses back and forth over your satine cheekbones.

"Rain check. No appetisers tonight, babe."

A brief flicker of tanzanite temptation illuminates your husband's vision, one of his hands slipping down to rest almost tauntingly around your throat.

"I'll just have to have you for dessert instead."

Min Yoongi

Min Yoongi has always considered himself to be a being with exceptional hearing. He can detect even the smallest alteration in pitch, can recognise when an arrangement requires more volume or bass or vocal power, and can easily complete a portfolio of compositions in a single afternoon.

And yet, his outstanding hearing is so acute that he almost misses the unmistakable sound of his studio's pass code being punched in.

"Yoongi?" You breathe quietly, treading lightly lest you shatter the creative bubble that your husband is famous for cocooning himself within. 

Yoongi pivots slowly in his chair, swivelling around until he can face you fully. Light touches his eyes with the intensity of several beautifully bobbing fireflies. 

"What're you doing here, sweetheart?" He chirrups, sparing a brief glance toward his wristwatch. "I thought the kids and I were going to pick you up from work today?"

Yoongi's arms open out toward you, encouraging you to burrow into his lap without much need for communication. 

You drape over his thighs as though you were pouring yourself into the very mould of your husband, situating yourself into all of the nooks and crannies you have claimed ownership over since the dawn of your relationship. 

"Well, I finished early." You place an abundance of soft, featherweight kisses along the underside of Yoongi's razor-sharp jawline; savouring the fragrant tang of cologne which glistens like diamonds upon his skin. "Which means we just so happen to have some alone time before the twins get dropped off. Just think of the possibilities~"

No more than a moment after your syllables have been fully formulated does Yoongi wrap his opalescent fingertips around the nape of your neck and pull you close. 

He kisses you deeply, presses the very tips of his cuspids into your bottom lip and lalves over the succulent indents with the gloss of his tongue until he can feel you shudder against him.

Your hands find their way into his hair with very little navigation. Sighing blissfully, you rake your nails over his scalp as though you were illustrating your initials in vibrant saffron sands; leaving your mark in the form of several exhilarated goosebumps.

"I love you." You whine, tipping your head back just far enough to provide enough room for Yoongi to suck several small candy wrappers into your throat.

"You too, sweetheart."

Yoongi's palms bracket over the swell of your jeans, each digit slipping one by one into the stitching of your back pockets so that he can grab your fleshy behind by the fistful. 

He guides you forward, setting a slow but deliberate pace as you work in tandem with each other to feel-

This time, there is no mistaking the distinct sound of Yoongi's pass code being punched in.

You only just manage to pry yourself from your husband's lap by the time that his studio door bursts open. 

You hear your twins before you see them; a cornucopia of fluorescent overalls and mismatched trainers and a seemingly unfathomable energy which completely belies their own paternity. 

"Eomma!" Your son cries, the latter syllable smothered by the sensation of him excitedly clinging to your calf. "You're here!"

"Yes baby, Eomma is here!"

Beside you, your daughter makes quick work of climbing all over Yoongi's torso. Her hyperactive cackles seem to reverberate throughout the studio walls as she runs her chubby hands all over Yoongi's silver-toned hair; worsening the mess your own digits had made not five minutes before.

"Appa is a lion! Raaaawr! Look Unki NamNam!"

Lifting your son into your arms, you spare a glance over to the man in question and internally curse Namjoon's uncanny ability to destroy even a moment of impromptu passion. 

"Sorry I'm early." Namjoon sighs, rubbing sheepishly at the back of his neck.

He can't seem to meet your eye.

But as you glance over toward Yoongi, making sure to nod artificially every so often as though to show feigned interest in the tall tales that your twins are spinning, you are met with a pair of dark, bottomless irises which sparkle, bubble and pop with the promise of what's to come as soon as you are protected by the coverage of twilight.

Yoongi definitely doesn't need exceptional hearing to know that your heart is absolutely beating out of your chest.

Jung Hoseok

On days like these it is often hard to determine what has your head spinning faster; the sensation of Hoseok twirling you under his arm or the reverberation of music pulsing like gunpowder throughout your veins. 

Realistically, you should have known that your dance rehearsal was in jeopardy the second that Hobi's phone had diverted away from the relay of his own voice and opted instead to play Sistar's Touch My Body; your husband's not-so-hidden vice.

After grinning wildly and gyrating his body back and forth to the swish-swish dance of the song, he had pulled you in close in order to innocently mouth the lyrics against your cheek. 

Fortunately, you had always been a stickler for following the rules. 

And touching Hobi's body has always been your favourite pastime activity.

Your fingertips had found purchase upon the ridge of his collarbones, thumbs falling into the crease of his deliciously sweaty skin before shifting lower. Your lips had painted his Adam's apple with precision, tasting the sherbet of his aftershave and the natural essence of Hoseok.

Now your lips are plump and swollen from the feverish trap of his uncoordinated kisses.

He has you pinned up against one of the mirrored walls by his pelvis, the tip of his tongue writing soulful soliloquies into your skin until you glow with poorly contained adoration. 

"Mm, Hobi. Calm down~" You sigh, arching up into the pressure of Hoseok's teeth as they paint faint crescent-shaped halos in the flesh of your earlobe.

Hoseok shifts his fingertips around your wrists, effectively binding them in a ribbon of calluses and articulation as he traps them up over your head.

"I can't help it, honey. You know what you do to me, don't you?"

"I'd have a guess, but I'd say that the evidence is pretty clear."

Certainly, with how Hoseok presses against you, he leaves very little to the imagination. 

"A guess? Well, Maybe I'm not making myself clear enough, then…"

Using his unpreoccupied hand, Hoseok dips the faintest whisper of his fingertips into his mouth in order to get them appropriately wet. He then kicks your ankles apart, situating his thigh in place between your quivering knees. 

It does not take a genius to recognize the unbridled gallop of small, toddling feet racing through narrow linoleum hallways. Nor does it require much effort to deduct that those very footsteps and the loud, high-spirited giggles which precede them can only belong to your son. 

The studio door swings open with all the momentum of a party popper being pulled taut. Only instead of confetti you are rewarded by the sight of your son's beautifully plump rosy cheeks and his gap-toothed grin.

"Appa~!"

Hoseok turns just in time to drop to his knees and scoop your toddler up into his arms, the tone of his voice shifting from leather and velvet into something bubbling and bright.

"There's my little Hapi!" Hobi coos, nuzzling into your son's soft mousy hair. "Did you have a good day with Uncle Kookie?"

"Uh-huh! Appa, you look so silly! You wearing Eomma's lips!" 

Hoseok lifts his thumb to swipe it over his bottom lip, gathering the fluorescent remnants of your transferred lipstick which lingers there.

"Yes I am." Hobi teases. "Do you want some? Mwah~"

It takes half a second before your son shrieks in protest, immediately sprinting away from your husband's chaotic influence. Hoseok chases after him with pursed lips, making outrageously exaggerated smacking noises during his pursuit. 

Sighing softly, you lean all of your body weight on the mirror behind you and fan your face with your palm in an attempt to cool your rapidly rising body temperature. 

"You're blushing awfully hard." Jeongguk acknowledges as he settles in beside you. 

"Dance rehearsals. Worked up quite a sweat."

"Oh, I bet. You want me to keep him out a little later next time?"

Your teeth find purchase on the crease of your bottom lip, a residual sting prickling upon your flesh from how intensely you had been kissed mere minutes before. Your pulse continues to fizzle and pop and jump underneath your skin; a firework ready to burst.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

You watch as Hoseok finally catches up to your squealing son. He lifts him effortlessly, pressing kiss after kiss over his rotund cheeks and your heart absolutely sings. How did you get so lucky?

And yet, as Hobi tucks your child carefully underneath his chin, you don't miss the way that his mouth dances around a simple word inundated with promise.

'Later.'

You can't wait to see what 'choreography' piece Hoseok will teach you next.

Kim Namjoon

There is something to be said about the sweetness of Namjoon's kisses during nightfall, when the moon is pitched high over Seoul's skyline and there is little need for urgency. 

Without the influence of convoluted phone calls or frequented business meetings, it is almost as though your husband has been impassioned anew.

His kisses always start off deceptively slow, the petal pink tip of his tongue wicking across your bottom lip like butter gliding over hot toast. He rests his palms against your crimson-hued cheeks, guiding you that bit closer to his body as your bedsheets rustle down around your hips akin to a tambourine being jostled. 

"I love you." Namjoon sighs, rotating his body so that you fall to a collapse against his exposed torso.

Your fingertips splay against his flushed skin as though seeking out purchase, eager to aid in the transition of your rolling hips. 

"I love you more." 

Burning with vibrant adoration, you can feel your stomach positively froth with frenzied butterflies. Your lips lather a steady stream of kisses down between Namjoon's pectoral muscles, pausing just millimeters below his ribcage where you sink your teeth ever so gently into his skin, determined to leave a mark which will last for days to come. 

"And now I'm going to prove just how much I-" 

The sound of your daughter's shrill, waterlogged sobs as they carry through from her nursery and into your bedroom is stark and corrosive; a bolt of lightning which strikes through your sternum with the intensity of blunt nails on a chalkboard. 

As she tumbles into your bedroom, raven hair plastered to her cheeks by way of her seemingly limitless tears, and her tiny hands balled into fists where they cling to her beloved Koya plushie, you are quick to spring from your bed in order to gather her up into your arms.

"Oh sweetheart! What's wrong?"

Burying her reddened nose into your neck, your daughter splutters through her words.

"D'eres a monsta under m'bed! He's big n'mean and.. and scawy!!"

"A monster, huh?" 

After some careful readjustments, Namjoon climbs out of bed to join your side. He runs his hands affectionately over your daughter's swollen cheeks, clearing the hair away from her eyes. 

"Well, I'd like to have words with this so-called Monster. Let him know that he's messing with The Rap Monster and his beautiful little Princess. We'll see how mean and scary he is then!"

You each take one of your daughter's petite hands, being mindful of Koya’s unshakable presence, and inflate your chests into plates of pseudo armor as you lead her back into her nursery. 

It takes less than a minute for Namjoon to scare away the fictional threat, adding just an ounce of parental gravel to his words for extra emphasis. 

And it takes even less time for your adorable puffy-eyed princess to convince you to stay in bed with her until she feels safe once again.

With both you and Namjoon planted firmly on either side of your toddler's tiny frame, and the sensation of your fingers combing gently through the small tufts of her hair, she finds sleep easily. 

"So…" You whisper, just loud enough for Namjoon to hear over your daughter's infantile snores. "You're a monster, are you?"

Despite the impenetrable darkness of your daughter's room, broken up only by the small heart-shaped night light which twinkles beside her bed, you can clearly see your husband's fiendish smirk.

"Just wait - I'll show you later."

Park Jimin

Two years.

You have been married to Park Jimin for two whole years. 

And in that time you have seen him at his best, with a rhinestone microphone held in place between his dainty fingers and a light sheen of sweat glittering against his brow. You have also seen him at his worst, when thick black bags sit underneath his sunken eyes and sleep is a distant memory. 

You know your husband inside and out; his flaws (or lack thereof) and his many merits.

Which is why you should have known that his suggestion of an impromptu movie night was nothing more than a ruse to have you exactly where he wanted you; draped across his lap on the couch and purring every time his lips brush against a weak spot on your neck. 

"Shh, darling. Not so loud." Jimin teases, already moving to run the tip of his tongue along the underside of your jaw. 

Your fingernails dig into Jimin's biceps from how tightly you grasp at him, leaving small  moon-shaped welts in your wake which somehow pale in comparison to the roses he is currently embossing into your skin.

"You're a cruel man, Park Jimin."

"So I've been told. C'mere."

Maneuvering his hands underneath the blanket which he had draped over your shoulders in order to preserve your modesty, Jimin clasps at your hips and pulls you that bit closer to him. 

"You're so beautiful." He sighs, swiping his thumb over your bejewelled lips.

For a moment he simply stares at you, admiring the cinnamon flush of your cheeks and the way in which you seem to flutter with every poorly managed breath; his influence evident.

Unwilling to lose this unspoken game you are playing, you up the ante by bearing your hips down against Jimin's own and push your fingertips through his bubblegum pink locks until he hums with bliss.

"Now who's the cruel one, darling?"

Before you can answer, the sound of your son's hiccuping whimpers resonates from inside his nearby bedroom. 

"Appa! Eomma!"

Throwing the blanket off your shoulders, you are quick to rise from Jimin's lap, not missing the urgent way in which he grabs the fleece in question and places it over the space you had once occupied.

Your son darts into the room with a speed which belies his small stature, falling into your arms with his bottom lip quivering and his paw print pyjamas torn at the knee. 

"Hey, easy! What happened?"

Your son rubs furiously at his damp eyes, making small but urgent grabby-hands toward his Father. Jimin reaches over to rub affectionately at tiny knuckles.

"Twipped. Was thirsty and twipped!"

He points adamantly at the small red welt which glows against the pale skin of his knee, his entire body shaking with barely contained sobs.

"Aw, you poor thing." Jimin consoles, his own lower lip protruding in a manner which reflects your toddler's pout exactly. "Eomma, our little Tiny got himself a booboo."

"So I see. You definitely have your Father's clumsiness trait, hm?" 

Careful to avoid hurting him, you place a gentle kiss against the affected area.

"There we go. Good as new. Now, let's go get you a bandaid, okay?"

"Iwonman?"

"Of course! An Ironman bandaid for my little superhero."

As you lift your son with the intent of carrying him into the bathroom to patch up his battle scar, he makes a small whining noise and reaches for Jimin once again.

"Appa? You come too?"

You watch as your husband's face somehow darkens in hue. His ears burn scarlet-hot, beads of sweat stippled like pearls across his clavicle. He glances between you, your son, and the blanket currently concealing his hips.

"Uhh-"

"Appa will join us in a minute, baby. He's just gonna clean up first. Right, Appa?"

Jimin nods enthusiastically. "Right! I'll be there in a minute, Tiny. Promise."

Seemingly satisfied with his answer, your son turns to rub his cheek into your chest, already changing the subject to an unusual dream he had earlier in the evening.

Briefly, you can see the relief flash in Jimin's eyes as he collapses back onto the couch. He bites his bottom lip, mouthing a brief word of thanks toward you.

You blow him a kiss in response, not missing the way that Jimin pushes his fingers back through his hair to fix the mess you had made. His eyes briefly sparkle with something oh so familiar; something salacious.

After two years, you can be certain that you know your husband well enough to guarantee that your little game of cat and mouse is far from over. 

Kim Taehyung

When Taehyung loses himself to his illustrations he is always completely silent. 

His lips form a pursed rosette of pure concentration, brows furrowed low across his forehead, and his pinkie finger develops a small but temporary tick every time he pauses to load his paintbrush with a new pigment.

He is so silent, in fact, that the only sound you can hear on your approach toward his office is that of novelty ice cubes clinking back and forth within the glass of freshly poured lemonade you prepared for him.

Knocking politely on the door to alert him to your presence, you can only watch in awe as Taehyung dabs a bead of sweat from his brow, his fingertips stained shades of periwinkle and amaranth. 

He stipples another dollop of paint onto his canvas, brushing back and forth in broad strokes in order to heighten the saturation of a particular petal cluster.

"Hey, you." You hum contentedly, placing the glass of lemonade down on Taehyung's desk. "I thought you could use a drink."

"Thank you, Jagiya. That's very kind of you."

Placing his paintbrush down into a pot of discolored water to soak, Taehyung turns in his chair to face you. He reaches his arms up overhead and stretches until his shoulders give a rather satisfying pop and then reaches out toward you, guiding you into his lap.

His large palms stroke along the individual notches of your spine, touching you with the same care he would afford a piece of fine, antique china. The tip of his nose nestles against yours for a moment, wading back and forth before he uses the cool compress of his thumb to elevate your chin.

"Look at you. So beautiful; my muse."

Your husband's words flutter about inside your abdomen like dispersed dandelion seeds; soft and aerated and tickling you in all the right ways. 

He kisses you softly, deeply, the tip of his tongue tracing whimsical patterns across every dip and divot of your lower lip as though he has found his new favourite canvas; a magnum opus all wrapped up in a beautiful wife-shaped bow. 

You can feel every single brush and stroke of his tongue as he kisses you, somehow both cool and hot at the same time, until you are absolutely incandescent with hue and color.

Taehyung shifts until you are comfortably straddling both of his hips. His calloused thumbs knead at the nape of your neck until goosebumps sprinkle like powdered sugar upon your skin. 

With your husband's outrageously long fingertips combing through your hair, you find yourself clasping onto the crisp collar of his shirt simply to keep yourself afloat. 

You trace the blunt curvature of your nail against his pulse point, doodling a small asymmetric heart on his gilded skin which quickly dissipates when his blood begins to flow southward.

"You taste so sweet, Jagi." Taehyung remarks once your mouths finally separate, savouring the numb tingling sensation which busies his tongue.

"Not as sweet as you do, Taehyungie."

You catch your teeth against your husband's earlobe, ever so carefully guiding the steel loop of his piercing into your mouth. Taehyung's torso seems to reverberate when he mewls, his every breath pitched by anticipation as you guide your hands lower and lower and-

Yeontan darts into Taehyung's office with such gleeful acceleration that you almost leap out of your skin. 

He yips merrily, a petite ball of downy-soft fur flanked by your shrieking daughter and her tiny outstretched fingertips. 

"TanTan!" She squeals, chasing Yeontan with reckless abandon.

Sighing softly, you place a small apologetic kiss to Taehyung’s nose and climb to your feet once more.

"Are you having fun, sweetheart?"

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Taehyung reach for the lemonade glass. He takes a long, dehydrated drink. 

"Uh-huh!" 

Your daughter's arms are short and chubby where they wrap around Yeontan's fluffy brown body. She places a comically loud kiss to the top of his head and then bursts into a fit of bright, energetic giggles.

"Eomma!" She wheezes, pointing a finger up at you. "Yous all colow!"

You bring a hand up to your face, frowning when you feel the crackled texture of rapidly drying paint swept over your cheeks and into the roots of your hair; Taehyung's evident touch tinting your skin turquoise. 

"Ah, yeah. Eomma was just helping Appa to paint."

"Ooh! Can y'paiwnt me too, Appa?"

You blush sheepishly, watching the way that Taehyung instantly softens when your daughter regards him with a vibrant rosewater smile and hopeful eyes so similar to his own.

"Of course, Cherub. Come here."

Taehyung lifts her up into his arms, helping her get comfortably situated on the ball of his knee. He grabs for one of his many paintbrushes, drying the excess moisture on a paper towel before he dips it onto a dollop of glowing tangerine paint.

He turns toward her, his tongue protruding ever so slightly out of the corner of his lips as he once again falls victim to his own concentration. 

He starts by painting an almost perfect circle against her cheek, chasing it with an abundance of soft squiggly wisps until he has created a summer-bright sun on her skin.

And it works, because she positively burns with delight.

"I suppose I better leave you both to it, hm?" You muse, your voice almost lost to Taehyung's amused giggling as your daughter sings his praises. 

You carefully usher Yeontan out of the room, a surprisingly easy task as he trots off in search for a place to nap, and just barely catch the scalding hot sear of your husband's eyes meeting your own.

"You'll finish painting me later, won't you?"

Taehyung rests his chin ever so gently against the top of your daughter's head. His lips twitch with poorly contained mirth.

"You can count on it, Jagiya."

Jeon Jeongguk

The sound of deliciously hot water hammering down on cool tile is loud; a brigade of heavy footsteps echoing throughout an otherwise tranquil room. 

And yet, it pales in comparison to the vehement growls Jeongguk emits every single time your fingertips brush over his abdomen.

Your digits move as though you have been hypnotised, the pads of your thumbs following a line of apricot-scented suds as they skim down betwixt Jeongguk's hardened muscles. 

"Baby, if you keep touching me like that I swear it's game over."

It never fails to astound you just how talented Jeongguk is at kissing - much like everything else. 

His lips crash against your own, sticky and warm and deliciously wet from the torrential downpour of a perfectly-angled shower head. Using the prickle of his teeth, he paves a petite pathway into your mouth. His tongue conducts something of a waltz alongside the succulent slip-slide of your own. 

When you finally break for air, your lungs tingling with the poetry of a perfectly executed liplock, you can see starstruck galaxies burning just beyond your damp lashes. 

Finally, fighting past the lump which has formed in your throat, you will yourself to simply speak.

"And if you keep kissing me like that, I'm going to be forced to pounce on you."

Jeongguk's playful laughter seems to reverberate throughout his sternum, smothered in part by the sensation of his nose ghosting down your stomach as he slowly folds onto his knees.

"Challenge accepted."

Turning his head into the flush of your thighs, Jeongguk peppers kiss after kiss against your water-warmed skin. He starts at the base of your knee and works his way up, pausing only when he feels the tug of your trembling fingers his hair.

He grins, fiendish and dark, and you see stars far brighter than your wedding band shimmering in contrast to his inky-black hair. 

"Jeongguk, I-"

"Nnnnyeeeoowww~!"

The noise of your son's small, sputtering lips opening and closing as he makes loud, enigmatic sound effects is unmistakable.

Through the percussion of water droplets you can hear plastic feet pit-patting against the bathroom counter, dashing across your various lotions and potions, and undoubtedly destroying the perfect sanctuary you have spent the entire afternoon crafting.

Jeongguk stares up at you with wide doe eyes, pressing his pointer finger to his lips.

"Appa?" 

Internally hissing, Jeongguk pulls the shower curtain back just far enough to poke his head out, hoping that his son's ignorance and naivety is enough to prevent him from questioning why he's situated so low to the ground.

"What's the matter, bud?"

"Can we pway supahewoes?" 

Your son shakes a worn Spiderman action figure in Jeongguk's face, his smile full of young bewilderment.

"Uhh.." Jeongguk turns his head to glance up at you. 

He absolutely does not miss the way that you smirk, clearly finding humor in your current predicament that Jeongguk himself sorely lacks.

"What about Uncle Yoongi? Can't he play with you?"

"Nuh-uh. He gone nap-nap. N'I can't find Eomma!"

Jeongguk swallows his sigh, briefly thumbing through a rolodex of suitable excuses within his mind. When he comes up short, he gnaws against his bottom lip and opts instead to admit defeat.

"Okay, buddy. Give me five minutes and I'll be right out, okay?"

"Yay!" 

From your position pressed flush against the cold shower wall, you can hear your son bounce up and down from excitement. After a brief victory cheer, he quickly darts out of the bathroom and leaves you alone with your partner once more.

"So… Good call on asking Yoongi to babysit for us to give us some alone time, huh?"

Jeongguk rolls his eyes as soon as he springs back up onto his feet.

"Yeah, Yeah. Even a golden maknae is wrong every once in a while."

Brushing his thumb over your fuchsia colored cheekbone, Jeongguk pulls you forward into a sickeningly sweet open-mouthed kiss. His tongue lalves a brief signature against your own; just enough to leave you sizzling all afternoon long.

"We'll pick this back up later, okay?"

You sigh happily, bringing a hand up to stroke across the spun sugar sting of your lips.

"It's a date."

Make your own request HERE ♥

[theres-a-goldensky]

BL Show Review Series - HIStory 3: Trapped

My first non-Thai BL review is also going to be of a series that moves away from the university setting: the Taiwanese drama HIStory3: Trapped.

Disclaimer that these are my own opinions, and I don’t know where the BL community as a whole stands on these shows. If I disliked a show you loved or visa versa, no disrespect is intended!

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

MILD SPOILERS AHEAD!

HIStory3: Trapped Rating: 9.5/10

This series. This series. First, a little background if you’re unfamiliar with the HIStory franchise. HIStory is a series of unrelated BL stories. The first season had three hour-long specials. The second series got more ambitious. There are two different stories, each spanning four full-length episodes. Finally, by the time they reached the third iteration, the franchise had grown so popular that both of the series, Trapped and Make Our Days Count, were 10 full-length episodes. (Well, or 20 small episodes that were then condensed down to 10 larger ones, but semantics.)

If you’re interested, the HIStory series is available, in the US at least, on the website viki. It is a subscription site, but it gives you access to thousands of Asian dramas, including this series and South Korean BLs like Where Our Eyes Linger and Mr. Heart.  

HIStory3: Trapped is a story about a mobster and the police officers pursuing him. But since this is BL, the mob boss has a heart of gold and is trying to reform the gang so that he and his ‘family’ can get out of the drug business and go legit. Meanwhile, the police officers are on the hunt for answers about a four year old incident that killed one of their own, but they are, err...not super effective. 

Look, you just have to roll with the fact that this story is extremely lax about police protocol and the reality of being in the mob. It’s a set up for enemies-to-lovers and intense UST and that’s it. The police chief and other higher ups have no problem with one of their officers dating a well known mob boss who is suspected of killing a fellow police officer, for instance. So why should we? Just roll with it, ok? Roll like a bowling ball, where the pins at the end of the alley are super hot UST, pining, hurt/comfort, jealousy and bed scenes. 

The mob boss in question is Tang Yi. 

Since the death of his adopted father, he’s taken over the Tang operation and is dedicating himself to avenging his father’s murder and also following his father’s dream of legitimizing their company so that their family can be safe. He is...I mean. He’s gorgeous. Just, like, super super super hot. He is outwardly unflappable (unless you poke the bruise of his father’s death), dresses impeccably, and kills with these knowing smirks that get me every time.

His life is made very complicated by officer Meng Shao Fei, who has been obsessively following him around for years. The same incident that killed Master Tang and injured Tang Yi also killed his police mentor, and Shao Fei is certain that Tang Yi had something to do with it. 

Shao Fei is impulsive and as straight forward as Tang Yi is oblique and mysterious. It’s clear early on that Shao Fei’s pursuit of Tang Yi is fueled in part by his attraction to him. Tang Yi can see this as well, and he uses Shao Fei’s crush to his advantage, ratcheting up the sexual tension to nearly unbearable heights in the early episodes and purposely provoking Shao Fei’s quick jealousy.

The jealousy is what brings this show’s rating down the half-point. Shao Fei is so transparent about his jealousy that it becomes uncomfortable to watch. I was cringing with secondhand embarrassment through a lot of the early episodes. However, that honest emotion works well for him once he figures out what he wants from Tang Yi.

This relationship has a TON of hurt/comfort for those of you interested in that particular trope. For Shao Fei, it’s physical h/c. The guy can’t stop getting hurt, and we get to see a lot of Tang Yi worried about him. For Tang Yi, though, it’s emotional h/c as he deals with the psychological fallout from watching his father die. 

You might hear mob boss/police officer and think of, I don’t know, The Sopranos, or some other serious, dramatic show. While this story does have its dramatic moments, it is largely romantic and comedic in tone. 

The plot surrounding the mystery of that mass murder four years earlier keeps things chugging along and takes some interesting turns, but the focus of the show is very much on the couples.

The main side pairing of the show is between Jack, Tang Yi’s right hand man, and Zhao Zi, another police officer and Meng Shao Fei’s best friend. This pairing is pure fluff from beginning to end. It’s where a lot of the comedy comes, and the two of them are absolutely delightful together.

The contrast set up by Jack’s dark, dangerous personality when he’s doing his job and his sweetness towards Zhao Zi is entertaining. He’s often seen idly flicking a switchblade and smiling in a way that makes it clear he has no problem using it. And then, on the other hand, he prepares Zhao Zi bento boxes and texts him cute bear stickers to make him laugh. 

Neither of these sides of Jack seem fake. They’re both just part of who he is, and Zhao Zi gets the warm, domestic Jack, while the rest of the world gets the ruthless, efficient Jack.

Again, you might be asking yourself: isn’t it weird that a leather-wearing gang member who was recently arrested by that very police team could stroll into the station and hand an officer a homemade lunch and no one cares? And to that, I say, roll with it like you’re in one of those giant orb things and HIStory3: Trapped has just pushed you down a hill.

The character of Zhao Zi is adorable, naive and almost childlike. He looks like someone who has never even held a gun in his life, never mind actually shot one. That makes it pretty funny that he became a police officer. It seems to be implied that Zhao Zi is more of a tech / research guy than a field officer, but anyway, we’re rolling with it, so it’s fine.

He’s completely blindsided by Jack’s interest in him, but is easily won over through snacks, home cooked meals, and Jack’s genuine interest in Zhao Zi’s stories about his beloved, dead grandmother. 

The other side pairing in this series is between Tang Yi’s adopted sister Zuo Hong Ye, who runs the legitimate side of the company, and their assistant, Dao Yi. Dao Yi is loyal to the Tang family, and is much older than Hong Ye. He has been her bodyguard since she was adopted by Master Tang, which makes his romantic feelings very uncomfortable for him.

Some people didn’t like this pairing, but I got into it by the end. The problem is that Hong Ye starts off seeming pretty unlikable, because she’s rude to our protagonist, Shao Fei. But then you realize that she’s doing it to protect Tang Yi from the police officer she thinks is gunning for him. 

There may be a large age difference between the characters, but the actual actors are very close in age, so that part of the story line comes off a little weird. But I found them an engaging couple, in particular Dao Yi’s stoic pining for Hong Ye. 

In conclusion: watch this series! It’s great! The bed scenes are hot, the characters are well drawn, the acting is good, the story is interesting. Big recommendation.

And if you’re interested in fanfic, I put together rec lists for multiple BL shows including this one that can be found here and here. 

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

(Send me an ask if you have a show you’d like me to review - with the understanding that I will be completely honest - or if there’s anything you think I forgot or got wrong in this review.)

[swiftpng]

Happy holidays! I wanted to celebrate some of the people I love for inspiring me and filling my life with so much light. Every single one of you has made my year so special and I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for every conversation, for every laugh, for blessing my life with your presence. Any act of kindness is permanently stored in this tiny brain forever! To everyone, I wish you all a very happy holiday! PART ONE.

DELTA, @deltslea

You know me, I get super cheesy whenever I’m writing sentimental letters. The first part of your gift is your actual Christmas gifts and the second part of your gift is what I got you for your birthday, since I didn’t get the chance to give you them when it was your birthday! I hope you don’t mind the two for one, but I hope you and your family are having a happy and cozy holiday. I hope you find joy in these gifts, because you’re such a sweet soul and deserve to be treated that way. You’re a total blessing to the Bayview community. Your personality shines and you bring so much happiness to the world. Thank you for everything and for going out of your way to make this town such a home for everyone. You always lift others up when they’re feeling down, you’re a total gem. You are so appreciated. Also, congrats for everything you did this past year! You did so much and all the hard work didn’t go unnoticed. You should be so proud of yourself for everything you accomplished. I hope all of your wildest dreams come true. Remember that you can do anything you put your mind to, I’m so excited for what the next year has to offer for you. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year! 

Let’s get started on why I got you each gift. The first gift are mini rings that reminded me of your song Wings. I really love the lyrics of that song, so I got something that kind of showed my appreciation for it! I got you a cute backpack that you can take on your travels, wherever that may be next. I know the town goes on trips throughout the year, so I thought it would be something that would be useful to you! The next gift is more of a funny gift since it has a cat playing the piano. Who doesn’t love a good cat mug, you know? I hope it brings a smile to your face whenever you use it! The next gift is a little bit of a big one, but you worked so hard this year on The Voice, on your singles, on your Christmas albums, on everything. I rented out a tiny house for you for three days, so you can sit back and relax. Now since there’s a town trip coming up and there’s the trip up to Snow Tracks, you don’t have to take the mini vacation to the tiny home right away. You can let them know when you’d like to take your trip and they’ll book you for it! You can bring a friend or your love or you can just go by yourself. Whatever you decide is up to you since it’s your gift! Another one of these gifts is also related to self care and relaxing. I got you some incense sticks that you can use whenever you need to. The scent is Christmas Kiss since you’re now dubbed (by me) as the Christmas Queen. This next gift is something we’ve talked about. Remember the heart in the glass? I thought it’d be cool if we tried to actually recreate one. Zach was really sweet with connecting me to people who would know where to get everything to make it. Some of it comes with Christmas related tools, but the basics we need to make the heart glass are all there! The last part of your Christmas gift is a candle that’s called Soul Sister. From the day we met, I thought our similarities were uncanny and funny. It’s crazy how met here in town and it was like you were my sister from then on. The gingerbread incident solidified that even more!

Now for your belated birthday gifts, I got you a nail polish set that’s called When In Romance which sounds fitting for a woman in love. The set comes with six polishes, along with some nail stickers. The next gift is related to memories. You’re someone I know who always makes the best of any situation, so I thought getting you a Polaroid camera would be something fun. You can take it on trips, around town, or keep it at home for whenever you feel the need to capture something on film forever. The next gift is related to self care and looking after yourself. It’s a calming clay mask that you can do whenever you want to sit down and relax. The next gift is a set of small and dainty jewelry. I was strolling around some shops in town and I saw these displayed. The collection is called Twin Soul, which I thought was very fitting for us! Another thing I got you is just a fun game. It’s meant for kids, but it looked like it could fun for adults as well. I know you’ve got some kids in your family, so you can break it out whenever they’re in town! I got you some knee high cat socks ‘cause everyone loves socks! Plus the cats are an added bonus. Another cozy gift I got you is this soft throw blanket that should cure your coldness from the harsh winter nights. You can cozy up next to a fire or a candle with a book and be warm. Last but not least, I got you a book that’s called Booze & Vinyl. It’s a book that guides you through the best drinks to have with certain records. It seemed right up your alley, and I thought it would be a fun and easy read! Overall, thank you for being one of the truest allies in my life and being such a great person. I’m so lucky to have someone like you in my life, and I hope all of these gifts serve you well. 

BLAKE, @thelivelyblake

Thank you for all that you have done for me in our friendship. You’re amazing and one of the people I cherish the most, so I got you a few things to show how much you mean to me. I hope some of these gifts bring a smile to your face. I’m wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas, along with health and happiness. 

I’ve been very into making soaps these days, so I made you some soaps that you can use to your discretion! In the shower, after you go to the bathroom, whenever you need to. The next gift happens to be socks. Everyone needs some fuzzy socks, especially when it’s cold out so these should help your feet stay warm! Another gift is something I saw at one of the shops in town, and I thought it would look so amazing on you. It’s a baby blue dress that you can wear at events or wherever. The next gift is a candle, one that you can burn when you need something to make the house feel warm and cozy. I also got you a tea set that has some delicious teas. Nothing’s better than winding down from a long day with a mug of tea. The last gift is a planner. It has a quote on it that reminded me of you and I really thought it would be useful to you! Again, I just want to thank you for being a great friend and someone I can always count on. 

ANGELINA, @ajdarkfae

I’m wishing you a very Merry Christmas. I hope the festiveness and happiness continues throughout the new year for your family. I feel like December snuck up on us so quickly, and I’m scrambling to soak up the Christmas spirit. I’m grateful that I’m able to send some of my Christmas spirit over to you with these gifts. You’re someone I’ve always admired, and I’m so happy that we’re as close as we are. Thank you so much for everything and for trusting me, it means so much. I really adore you and your family. I’m so happy we’re able to connect through this town. I hope you have a good Christmas. 

The first gift I got you is one I found when I was walking through Around the World. It’s Swedish cookies, and they looked like they’re super delicious and I thought you would like them. The second gift is a funny T-shirt since we both mentioned that Let It Go had been suck in our heads at one point or another. It reads, “when my jam comes on and I know all the words” with a picture of Elsa. The next gift should be something fun for you and the kids. It’s a popcorn kit that should be fun to break out on your next family movie date! Along with that, I got you a gift set from Bath & Body Works. I’m a huge fan of theirs, so I thought you’d enjoy something that would be useful for when you want to smell good or want hands that aren’t dry. Another one of these gifts are chocolate strawberries. I saw them in town being displayed, so I knew I had to get them for you. The next gift is a gift card to Vin Rouge, which happens to be my favorite place to get wine. I’ve gotten so many bottles of wine this past year from there, and they never miss. You’re also supporting a local business when you shop there! Lastly, I wanted to get you something for when you need to relax. With a baby on the way, I know you’re bound to need some days for when you just need to be alone and enjoy your own company. I got you a bath bomb that you can use whenever you need to just slow down. It’s one of my favorites, so i hope it’s something that you will enjoy. Thank you again for being so wonderful to me, and I’m sending you all my love this holiday. 

SELENA, @sxgomez

Hello, hello, hello. I’m beyond excited to give you something this Christmas as I know that it’s been a hard past few weeks for you. I’m loving the chance to get to spoil you the way you continue to spoil others with your magical presence. It’s always fun getting to get you gifts, and I tried capturing your essence. Hopefully I did you justice. I got you a few things that totally reminded me of you and our friendship. Congratulations on all of your accomplishments this year. From Rare being released to Rare Beauty being the next beauty empire, you are naturally you and that’s why so much of us love you. Who knew one human could have such a big heart? Thanks for making 2020 amazing, and I can’t wait for what 2021 brings you for your career. In addition to that, Selena, I know some big things have happened to you personally with moving and having a breakup so I wanted to get you a few things to help soothe the ache. I love you to the moon and back, and I’m hoping you have the sweetest holiday. You deserve it so, so much. 

The first part of your gift is an outfit that screamed Selena Gomez. I got you a Disney related T-shirt. And it has some jeans that go along with it. Being is Disney kid, I know you’re proud of where you started your career so I though this outfit would be perfect to show off your roots. The next gift is a pillow that reminded me of you. You sprout color from who you are and I know you make people’s lives better just by existing. I know you sure make mine better. Since you had your cooking show this year, I thought it was only fitting that I got you something for your kitchen. I got you a heart shaped pot that you can use for soups and stews. As someone who is a big fan of candles, I got you a candle that you can light whenever you need to sit and relax. The scent smelled so good and I hope you enjoy it. The next gift is a key chain that reminds me of our friendship. Friends truly are chosen family, and I know I’d choose you again and again. And along with that, I know you’re moving into a new place so I thought I’d get you a gift card to Windsong. Zach is a good friend of mine, so I know he’ll get you anything you wanted. Whether you want to get something custom made or something that they have in store already, I know you’re bound to find something you love. The last three gifts are ones to help mend your heartbreak. I made you some donuts that you’ll be able to chow down on. No one loves food more than you, so I thought it would be a well loved gift. Another thing is a bracelet, which represents a new and clean slate. Going into the next year, you’re able to start fresh and I know you’ll be able to do it. Lastly, I got you some cozy slippers that you’ll be able to lounge in. Since it’s the colder months, I’m sure you’ll be able to get some use from them! All in all, I really do hope you’ve had a lovely holiday and that it was spent with people who love you so much. I know I do. 

BILL, @skarsgardb

Thank you for being one of the coolest people I know. Since the day we met, I knew you were going to be someone I could always talk to and spend quality time with. Whether we talk for hours on end or go days without talking, I know that we’ll always fall back into our friendship. Some of these gifts were from your birthday and I didn’t get the chance to give them to you because so much time has passed since then. Christmas is the perfect time to give you them now. You’re one of the most loyal people in town, and I appreciate you so much. I hope you and your family had the best holiday, and I’m sending you all the love.

The first gift is a T-shirt relating to tacos. You were one of the first people who recommended Paco’s to me when I first arrived in town, and I can’t thank you enough for that. The second gift is a Fitbit watch since I know you’re into running, hiking, etc. It can track your steps and all that jazz. I thought it would be fun for you to have and could be useful next time you go out. (Which maybe wouldn’t be soon since it is so col out!) Another gift I got you is one of my favorite cookbooks. Since you’re a foodie like me and want to learn how to better your cooking skills, I thought gifting you this book would be appropriate. It has so many great recipies that you can try out! The next gift is something I made personally. It’s my homemade cinnamon stix. They’re made with my secret recipe and if you like them enough, I might teach everyone how to make them when my class starts back up in the new year! Remember how we talked about Go-Pros and being recorded while ziplining? I thought it would be fun to actually give you a Go-Pro that you can use whenever. Maybe you can record something of Dylan when she’s being cute or just use it when you need to document something! The other gift I wanted to give you is a subscription to Masterclass. I remember we talked about you starting your own production company and wanting to dip your toes into a role that’s more behind the camera. They have so many classes about producing, directing... the whole nine yards. I hope it’s useful to you and that you can take something from it! My personal favorite class is RuPaul’s. Lastly, I wanted to give you a book full of actual dad jokes. Perhaps you can use them with Dylan or just use it as a party trick. Either way, you’re bound to be laughed at! But in the best way, I promise. Again, thank you for being you and I enjoy your friendship with my whole heart. 

ZACH, @roerigz​

I know we don’t talk as much as we used to, but I do know that I’m still thankful to have someone like you in my life. I know that this past year has been a little hard on you, so I wanted to give you some gifts that would put a smile to your face. Admittedly, for the first gift, I had to Google your hometown. I knew you were from Ohio, but I needed to know the exact town so I could make your hometown into a puzzle. Whenever you’re missing home, you can break out this puzzle and remember the streets you used to roam and the family you still have there. Another gift I got you is a throw blanket. I’m a huge fan of these, especially during the winter months. Hopefully it’ll keep you cozy! One of these gifts is for you and your kids. It’s a tie-dye kit so you guys can make T-shirts. I used to make them with my family when I was younger and it was always a fun memory. The next gift is more for your self care. I don’t know how often you grow a beard, but when you do, you’ll have the tools you need to trim it or shave it off. Now the last gift is for your inner Ohio State fan. They’re salt and pepper shakers, and I think they’ll make a good addition to your kitchen! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and I’m sending you all my support and love. 

MILEY, @destinyhcpe​

So, you’ve had quite the year! Between your album releasing and moving to Bayview, I think you had a pretty good year! Not to mention that we’ve gotten closer again, which makes me so happy! I’m hoping that you have a very Merry Christmas and that Santa gives you everything you wanted. The first gift I got you is a smiley face bag, because it just reminded me of you so much. The next gift is a bottle of Chambord. I don’t know if you drink or not, but I thought it would fun to gift you this has a celebration of your music this year! Now this last gift is a little NSFW, but I thought you’d rock this leather jacket so well! It comes from a small shop back in NYC and it just looked so cool. If anyone were to wear this out and about, I think it’d be you! Miley, thank you for always being so supportive and sweet to me. You have no idea how much it means to me! 

ARIANA, @gvande​

The literal princess in my life. Ariana, thank you for all the kind words you’ve said to me in our past conversations. They mean so much to me, you have no idea. I wanted to get some gifts that reminded me of you, so I hope they captured your personality! I got you a candle since it’s the season for burning them at all times. The scent is absolutely wonderful, and I hope you enjoy it too. Because taking care of yourself should always be a priority, I wanted to gift you a kit that has some things for when you need to relax. The next gift is because of your Harry Potter love. I saw that Ulta had a Harry Potter collection, so I knew I had to get you that. Hopefully you can play around with it and create some epic looks! Another gift I had to get you is some pig slippers. Since you’re someone who owns a pig, I wanted to give you these. Lastly, you’re someone who makes tattoos look so good. I wanted to get you something related to tattoos, so I thought giving you an actual stick and poke kit would be something you’d be interested in! Again, just thank you for being the best person to ever exist and knowing my situation. I know you’re someone who has my back, and I always have yours. I hope you have a wonderful holiday and that you’re able to be with your loved ones. 

[cosmictulips]

Hello again! Its DB the aquarius/hamster girl. xD That reading was very beautiful and well done first of all thank you! But I must ask, is this set in stone he and I are destined to meet for sure one day?? I dont get out the house a lot, and with covid things are so up in the air! so I assume we'll meet ONE day in the spring? something tells me this spring isn't possible? And also will my family like him? Will his like me? I know this is kinda another reading but I really am curious to know!

YOUUUUU DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU lol

Since you tipped, I will be pulling out all the stops.  I got you,  TWO oracle decks, ONE angel art cards with some cool saying, AND my tarot.  I’m learning how to do shufflemancy... and like maybe some cool sticker stuff??? Idk I’m still learning some things xD so there will be more added in the future -just wait until I get back to my original place of residence WHERE I KEEP ALL 24 OF MY TAROT DECKS BISH YOU GONNA GET A NOVEL lolol -

And also since you did tip, you do jump right into the front of the line.  I’m bolding certain things so people will see, cause this is fair.  y’all paid, you get up to the front. bing bang. 

Anyway, onto the reading lol. -it’s a chonker so here we go- 

For your Tarot cards I pulled: Eight of cups in reverse, Nine of Swords in reverse, 2 of cups, The moon in reverse, Four of Pentacles in reverse and the Seven of Swords. 

Let’s begin with the cups since I pulled them first lol.  so I do think this is the signs of a relationship lasting lol.  Obviously with the 2 of cups, it’s a union.  there are two people in love, offering each other their cups.  It’s romantic, it’s passionate.  It’s very cute.  The eight of cups in reverse though, talks about someone fearing the worst.  I don’t know if this will be either one of you,  but someone in your life is going to be fearing that the relationship isn’t going to last.  they have a  fear they can’t let go of -perhaps of losing you or them?-  and I don’t see that really affecting the relationship heavily.

 We then have the Nine of Swords in reverse, and the Seven of swords.  this relationship is going to be very beneficial to each of you.  People will love seeing you two together.  You two will grow with each other and it’ll be so lovelyyy.  People will be happy that you two found each other ;o a lot of fears are going to be worked and overcome. 

I don’t know why but some of these cards are like, there’s drama coming.  Just like any relationship it’s going to have it’s ups and downs.  I don’t see this drama coming from either of you two though.  I think together you two are just going to be drawing in people who like to start shit.  It’ll be a bit annoying but you two will have clear communication lol.  I don’t really see these issues being that big and problematic. 

 The beginning of this relationship is going to be really tough lol.  The moon in reverse and the four of pentacles in reverse talk about wanting control, and being emotionally unavailable.  Obviously things do getting better once you like smooth out the edges but for awhile this is going to feel like it’s too much of a burden.  

I think in the beginning your family isn’t going to like this person.  In fact, you might not even like this person at first lmao.  but I do see, once you two really open up,  that 2 of cups will be coming in,  and you two will be more comfortable.  I do see your family warming up to them. It’s just gonna be a little tough getting there lol. 

The overall energy for this reading is the Strength in reverse. It is followed by the page of pentacles though.  So when strength is in reverse, it talks about having insecurities.  which I mean is fair in a new relationship.  neither of yall really know how to work with each other yet, and it’s still new ya know?  but the page of pentacles here tells me that work is going to be done, and it’s going to bring a lot of prosperity.  the beginning isn’t the greatest,  but it’s a beautiful ending =)

So for your first set of oracle cards,  These are nature based so they have different meanings for every card that is pulled. Right, I got medicines, Mushrooms, posions, and Herbs lol. all different plants. 

So for you, I drew : Night Light, Lemongrass, Common Sundew, and Wolfsbane.

I’m going to start off with wolfsbane lol. You two will be so protective of each other.  Which, I mean rightfully so since it seems like the beginning of this relationship is going to be a little rocky lol.  Wolfsbane is a sickass poison and is often used to ward off Werewolves lol. 

And I mean it’s going to be evident because Lemongrass is an herb that also symbolizes protection.  like you two are going to be able to go through anything and stick it out.  Which is why I think your family will eventually warm up to this person.  they’re going to become ore aware of just how caring he is for you. 

Then we have Night Light, one of the coolest mushrooms because it fucking glows in the dark.  this talks about light, revealing the truth and illumination.  I think you both are going to be the light that brings each other into a new, beautiful place.  I think with all the shit that’ll happen,  you two will become such a stronger pair.  It’s so beautiful honestly lol.

Lastly, we have Common Sundew.  This little carnivorous plant talks about struggle.  Like I said,  a lot of couples go through their ups and downs.  you two will be no exception to that.  but,  I think most of the struggles are going to come from misunderstandings.  right, cause this little guy has like this weird glue that insects mistake for like nectar or whatever its called.  and it ends up killing them, cause.. the plant...eats them... anyway. 

SO THEN FOR YOUR OTHER ORACLE CARDS

I drew for you, “Prosperity Lies ahead”, “ A win-win outcome is forecast” and “You are good enough”.

I’m definitely getting some spring vibes.  either spring or like just as summer begins to like take it’s full colors if that makes sense.  like no later than august lol.   But anyway, this is the universe telling you not to worry.  You got this. Love is going to win out in the end.  I also think you need hear to that message of “you are good enough.”  

You are perfect, just as you are dear ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lastly, I drew you an angel card.  these are cool cause they give cool messages.  I don’t know if you’ll get anything out of it,  but I think they’re pretty rad. gives ya something to think about lol

For you, I drew Chokmah the Emanation of Wisdom. 

“ Chokhmah is faith and premeditation turned to stone. potentiality’s demise and prupose.  the first step out of the mystery of Ein Sof to awareness.  First steps, like first love, require commitment to things you cannot know. The requisite faith to leap into the chasm without even the certainty of death, or the hope of flight. Chokhmah is not the step, chokhmah is the ephemeral decision dissolving into action.  Chokhmah is the first light of reality. open your eyes young one.”

I get the feeling this relationship is gonna have you spinning lol.

Anyway, I hope this helps

it’s a lot to read so have fun with that lol. 

if you need anything else, clarification, or just wanna say hi cause I love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ feel free to do so lmao =)

[shoulderpadfoot]

Queer Thanks

I’m on my way into my first queer holiday season (that is, the first round of fraught family gatherings with awareness that I am queer — my awareness, not my family’s). I’m scared for the things I’m “supposed” to be grateful for. Here’s a list of somewhat-surprising things that have become beacons to me this year. This is what I am grateful for:

• The self-acceptance that came almost immediately when I realized I was bi and didn’t wish it away. The feeling that I had found in myself something precious and worthy of nurturing.

• HP. A year ago right now I was just diving into the series. It moved me through a period of real grief. It felt like a warm home.

•HP fanfic. Thank you, especially, to the authors whose work has let me read about beloved characters’ first moments of self-revelation and then acceptance, over and over and over again.

• HP fanfic authors turned friends. I know this is a fraught community these days, but in it I have heard voices that made me feel okay in what might have been the scariest time of my life. You have made me feel like I was not too late to learn who I am or who I will be.

• My Dear Neighbor. He has been an unwitting canvas on which I’ve painted so much queer desire in order to get a good look at it. I admire him, I want him, I long to be like him and with him. He just keeps walking his dog and making his art and leaving the house on mysterious errands.

• My killer Sirius Black leather jacket with shoulder pads. It is the source of my internet persona and of the strength to appear queer and proud even in places when I could not own my full identity out loud.

• My dear H, who has loved me right through this absolutely bizarro time. One person’s acceptance can do so much more than seems reasonable. I couldn’t have even realized my queerness without living some years in the glow of his unconditional love, so deep was it buried in me.

• David Bowie. He was here right when I needed exactly him.

• My wheelbarrow. It makes me feel at once linked to my mother (who does not know I’m queer, who may never know, whose possible response to that information makes me wake in the night), completely happy and capable, dangerously masculine in ways that tease stereotypes I learned long ago.

• Fics that demonstrate the psychological depth and complexity of anything often dismissed as gross or too kinky. Anything I have read that shows me desire is not bad.

• Episcopalians. I felt spiritually homeless until this time last year, having been harmed and disillusioned by the Catholic Church. This is an ongoing source of questioning for me, but the church up the street made me feel I didn’t need to give up God in order to love myself. I have a place to sing, a place where I know the words and the moves, and no one wishes for my annihilation. So far, so good. To be continued.

• Queer friends in real life. It has been, I think, hardest to reach out to them. What if I were not queer enough for them? What if I had not paid my dues? What if they didn’t believe it? None of that worry has come to anything. I’ve been met with compassion and patience and love. I admire them more than ever before. I love them in new, more understanding ways. I especially want to go back in time to their still-closeted queer younger selves and give them love.

• My students, whose self-awareness at their age makes me so hopeful. I’m especially grateful for my queer students. They do not know that they are my mentors.

• Fics with that fake dating trope. What joy! What hope!

• Gestures from straight friends to show that they are with me on this ride. A sticker that says “someone I love is bisexual,” a podcast about how Dolly Parton helped someone thinking of coming out to their family — little sweetnesses.

There is so much more, but here I am so far. Add yours! What are you grateful for in your queerest heart?

I’m sending strength and love to anyone spending the coming holidays with family who makes them fold in on themselves. I hope you are safe. I hope you give yourself permission to care for your own heart. I hope you remember there’s someone over here who loves about you the things you’re scared (or sure) they will despise. Your queerness is good and so is mine.