#the whole idea is funny and all but 90% of them are just “what if misogyny but with a different name”

[sihtsisdrowkcab]

DP x DC prompt - Villainess AU

Hey! So I found this promt and just had to write something with it!

https://www.tumblr.com/kuroishuuha/714717053010984960/dp-x-dc-prompt-villainess-au?source=share

Prompt

-Danny is transported into a novel/game where he is the villainess fiancé of the male lead.

Knowing that only death awaits him at the end, Danny tries to end the engagement (who knows if death will stick this time - Danny is not gonna risk finding out)

Meanwhile, Jason finds himself as the male lead of a novel/game he never read/played

The system in his head is telling him that the only way to get back home is to have a happy ending with his fiancé

So we have Danny who is desperately trying to end his engagement and a Jason who is trying to woo his fiancé (and cursing the original male lead - because the guy must have done something horrible for his cute and nice fiancé to be desperate to break up with him)-

Story

Danny was so over this. He thought this would have been easy, maybe not on his parents part god knows they don't give up without a fight, but his fiance has shown nothing but disdain for him his whole life (even if he wasn't here for 90% of that life) He thought he'd only have to tell his fiance that he didn't want to marry him, his fiance would be ecstatic and run into the sun with Ophelia and he'd get the weight off his shoulders and wouldn't have to worry about dying anymore and yet...

"No."

Danny just looked at him with horror "What do you mean no?" He practically yelled.

"No, I won't break off the engagement."

"Why not!? You hate me! You've hated me since the moment we met! I know you want to be with ophelia!"

Daminan looked like he was trying to read his face which makes no sense, if anyone should be trying to read the other's face it should be him!

Danny grabbed Damian's shoulders and shook them, he knew he wasn't acting like a proper gentleman, but his life was on the line! "Have you lost your goddamn mind? What in the world is wrong with you?" He paused, took a breath and let go of his shoulders. He was sure this had something or the other to do with politics, he just couldn't wrap his mind around it at all. He took another step back, he had to appease Damian somehow. "Look, neither of us wanted to get married and neither of us really knew what we were getting into when our parents signed the agreement and had us agree to this, my parents won't back down but from what I know of your parents they'll let you back out of this no problem. My parents will be pissed but that's neither here nor there. There is really no reasonable excuse for why we shouldn’t break off our engagement." Danny said smugly, crossing his arms over his chest. There was no way Damian could deny all of that.

-

How could Jason deny all of that?! He was acting completely out of character, which was funny because he hardly knew what his character was like at all besides from second hand accounts. When he was told he just had to get a happy ending with his fiance he had thought this would be a piece of cake, he had brushed everything else off and took this as a really weird miny vacation, how hard could it really be to marry your fiance? Everything was already set up, it couldn't fail.

Except for the fact that apparently he was a dick and hated his fiance and she was done with all that, which he would have cheered on the fiance any day, get rid of that dick 100%. But now he was here in that dick's place and having to deal with his stupid problems and his fiance wanted to divorce him! How was he ever going to get a happy ending out of this? He did eventually want to get home no matter how annoying Bruce could be at times.

His fiance huffed drawing his eyes to him, he really was very pretty, he had no idea why Damian seemingly hated him. Sure he was being annoying as hell right now but really that was all Damian's fault.

"look i don't know why you seem to be fighting for this, it seriously seems like you just forgot everything!"

Jason froze, should he go with that? It really would be rather convincing seeing as he really didn't know Damian at all.

Danial paused, his eyes widening as he fixed on Jason's hesitance, seemingly picking apart all that he was and assessing him not adequate.

"You really don't act like Damian at all..."

He froze again, was that a good thing? Was this gonna be what gave him away?

"Did you hit your head or something? Temporary amnesia?"

"Y-yes!" Was he messing this up, would Danial believe that?

"Then why are you fighting so hard to keep the engagement? You don't know me at all."

Shit. shit what did he say? How did he convince Danial to keep the engagement if his other self hated him and this self didn't know him?

"I-I heard how wonderful you were from my parents and- and fell in love!"

Danial backed up with a distured look on his face, fuck he shouldn't have said that. "Love? After just hearing about me? That’s… kind of creepy."

“I just want to get to know you!”

Danial looked at him, his shoulders slumped and he looked resigned as he said "fine we'll keep up the engagement for now.” yes! “But when you get your memories back, we're breaking it off.”

Not great, but at least he knew that wasn’t going to happen. 

 He turned around to leave, oh wait. "I haven't told anyone else I've lost my memories so could you keep that one to yourself?" He asked, turning back around.

Danial looked at him suspiciously. "Why haven't you told anyone else? Not even your family?"

Fuck again! Why couldn't he just get this right? "Of course my family knows!" He really hoped Danial never met them because they absolutely did not. "but no one at this school does, i don't want them to treat me like i'm made of glass like my parents." Not completely off base, they've been tiptoeing around him all summer, probably because he was acting so weird.

"that makes sense." Danial sighed, he looked suddenly like the whole weight of the world was upon his shoulders. 

Jason screwed up his face, he had definitely been the one to place it there. He wanted to go over to him and tell him that they could break off the engagement after all but he really couldn't do that. "I'm sorry." He settled for instead.

Danial looked surprised. "You’re apologizing?"

"Yeah, I've made this so much harder for you than it really had to be. And you don't really know me anymore and I really don't know you."

Danial looked at him with something akin to empathy. "It's hard being thrust into a world that's unfamiliar to you isn't it? No one you trust or know around you and having to be something your not."

Jason looked at him in genuine shock. "H-how?"

Danial looked panicked for a second before he gave a light laugh. "I may not have amnesia but I do have expectations from everyone around me." He rubbed his arm. "Everyone says you're way out of my league and that I'm lucky to have you." This time his laugh was bitter.

"If anything you said about the old me was true it was really the opposite."

Danial gave a snort that Jason couldn't help feeling was the prettiest thing he's ever heard. "oh believe me i down played it."

Jason looked at him aghast. "Downplayed it!? Just how bad was I??"

Daniel gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and a smirk, "Now that, my friend is a talk for another time. Danial moved past him brushing his shoulder, what felt like a shock passed through him and he went stiff. When he finally came to his senses he was all by himself, What had just happened?

[crusty-chronicles]

Airheaded S/O Headcannons #11: Luffy (One Piece)

I feel like Luffy would thrive with an S/O who's just as, if not more, stupid than him.

And he genuinely cannot tell you're not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Combined, you and Luffy have one semi-functioning braincell

And 90 % of the time, Nami has it

"LUFFY FELL OVERBOARD AGAIN!!!"

And there you go jumping right in after him.

"I'M COMING CAPTAIN!!"

Ussop and Chopper are standing by the railing horrified and screaming with everything they've got because 'YOU CAN'T SWIM EITHER!!!'

"How did their bounty increase by 20 million!?!?" Nami exclaimed having seeing your newest wanted poster.

Luffy, who was walking by and heard, suddenly had stars in his eyes.

"Really!?!? They're so cool 🤩"

And Nami is smacking the back of his head as hard as she can

"DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM, MORON!!!"

This man loves you with his whole heart and has known you since you were both children

Ace had found you sneaking out Dadan's shack with a huge pile of food and captured you.

"What do we do with them?"

"We could kill them." Sabo suggested.

"Excuse me, I really need to use the bathroom." You wiggled against the rope binding you.

"Like that's gonna work on us!"

"No, excuse me for being rude and leaving. You guys are funny but I really need to pee."

And they hadn't realized you'd already torn through the ropes until you got up and walked away.

They are completely dumbfounded and a little impressed.

Well except for Luffy who had been watching because he wasn't allowed to talk to the 'captive' during 'interrogations'. Whatever that meant.

He's getting up and chasing after you with a huge grin.

"Hey! Come back! I wanna be friends with you!!!"

And Ace and Sabo are the running after him before he can catch up, lecturing him about leaving weirdo people like you alone.

"I mean what kind of person just tears through rope and walks away all unbothered????"

"Me! I do that!"

Cue the screams because how did you manage to climb the treehouse without the ladder???

You meet up again several years after you all had set sail.

Ussop spotted something floating in the water shortly after the crew already left from thriller bark.

A person to be exact.

A person on a wooden plank.

And before he could inform anyone about it, Luffy was already stretching himself over to the castaway.

His eyes bugging out when he saw who it was.

"Y/N????"

Your expression matching his.

"LUFFY???"

"Long time no see. How have you been?"

And the crew is peaking over the Sunny curiously. Because who the hell was this that their captain seemed to be very friendly with?

Friendly than usual considering he his arms were wrapped around you several times, picking you up and swaying you.

"The pirate life is hard. My ships keep sinking. Say, mind if I hop on yours for a while?" You asked hopefully.

There was something even more hopeful in Luffy's as he set you down.

"I've got a better idea. Join my crew!"

"I don't kno- IS THAT A FREAKING SKELETON?!?! HELL YEAH I'M IN!!"

The crew warms up to you almost instantly considering you have the same bright personality as their captain.

And the ones weary of you (Zoro, Nami, and Ussop) become convinced when they see you fight and pull your weight.

"Hey, Luffy! Can we try that one move we used to do when we were smaller??"

All you get is a nod in return before he slingshots you towards a Marine ship.

The result?

You basically cannonballing into the side, only to reappear on the deck as it sinks. Reaching back for Luffy's hand as he lifts you up and flings you towards another. Jumping on after you to join the fight.

Your teamwork is practically unbeatable.

And the fact that you can keep up with Luffy perfectly cements your place on the Sunny.

It's no secret Luffy loves you.

And it's no secret you love him back.

The Pirate Empress Boa Hancock?

She's cool, he guesses.

Shirihoshi the mermaid princess? The most beautiful woman in the world?

She's a huge crybaby.

You? An idiot who broke the aquarium after tapping too hard on the glass to get the 'pretty fishy' to notice you?

You're his.

He doesn't make a big deal out of the way he feels.

He doesn't get all blushy or nervous around you

Instead he feels pure happiness and the most at peace he's ever been

Luffy will not try to court you the way a certain cook might court the ladies on the Sunny.

No big or grand gestures

Also not shy showing you affection.

He's known you for so long that gestures like that come naturally.

Holding hands to explore a new island?

Check

Wrestling with you on the deck of the Sunny?

Check

Sharing and stealing food from each other's plate?

Check

Trading around Shanks' straw hat on the daily?

Double check

The closest he'll get to confessing is at a time where the two of you are alone in the crows nest together.

"After I became the king of the pirates, let's keep having adventures together." And he'll put his signature strawhat on your head.

"Who says I'm going anywhere? This is the ship of dreams right? Well my dream is for us to stay together forever. So make it come true, captain."

It's at that point he realizes he'd follow you anywhere you asked him to. The same way you were following him now.

Will Luffy baby you?

You're insane if you think he will.

Because it's just the two of you encouraging each other to do stupid shit.

Actively trying to outdo each other

Luffy catches a huge fish?

You're jumping in the water because you saw a shark.

You broke into the kitchen at night to steal from the fridge?

Luffy is lugging it out so you two can have a midnight snack in the middle of the deck.

Both of you are being chased by Pacifistas?

It's a game to see who can destroy more.

"Do you think if I start training after I eat I'll throw up?" You asked.

"Let's test it out!" Luffy encouraged.

Only to find out that yes, you will in fact throw up training after eating.

"Well now we know!"

Luffy will call you the most bizarre nicknames he can come up with.

Get used to: Meat stick, pork chop, swimmy (because you cannot swim for the life of you), cannonball, and some messed of version of your name. (Think of how he calls Law and Kidd, Traffy and Jaggy)

But occasionally, in the rarest moments known to man, he will call you his treasure.

Luffy will get incredibly jealous if someone outside of the crew talks to you.

With the Strawhats, he doesn't care. You all need to get along anyways.

Brook wants to play you a song to see if it's okay?

Fantastic because you two have the same taste in shanties.

Zoro wants to train with you and see if he can make his attacks any stronger?

Hell yeah! Kick his ass!

You're Sanji's taste tester?

Sneak him something out will ya?

Franky and Ussop want to test out a new invention on you?

So cool!!!!! Tell him what it does when you're finished!!!

He's over the moon with you spending time with them.

But if it's a marine, another pirate, or just a random citizen, he's fighting them.

He's incredibly immature and will not let anyone get too friendly with you.

Luffy will bite, and he will not let go until that person apologizes and leaves.

Man or woman, doesn't matter.

He's throwing hands, gum-gum gatling all the way.

Second gear if he's pissy enough.

All in all, you two don't need a brain to be able to tell you love each other.

Next Up: Uryu Ishida

An: I'm back baby. 🫶 (Also yes I watch one piece in dub pls don't bully me 👉👈)

MASTERLIST

[nortism]

What the Ghosts have been watching on TV

Everyone

Channel 4 Home renovation shows: They're free with ads and there's an infinite amount of them so Alison puts them on for the whole gang when she and Mike have work to do in same way people put on YouTube videos for their dogs. This has backfired slightly as all the ghosts now have very strong and conflicting opinions on how Button House should be renovated.

The Great British Bake-off: A whole family event, they all get very invested. Kitty thinks Alison Hammond is the funniest person in the world. The Captain feels normal about Noel Fielding. As well as a watching it live, I'm sure they've also watched the whole back catalogue together.

Mama Mia: This where the Captain learnt his ABBA songs from. Pat and Julian enjoy the nostalgic music and I think the others are just bewitched by the story and music

Robin

Anything David Attenborough: For obvious reasons. I think he'd get a kick out of trying to do his voice. The others sometimes join in.

Cunk on Earth/ Britain: I think they've got a similar attitude towards history and I think he'd find serious historians trying to answer silly questions incredibly funny

Horrible Histories: He watches this with Kitty, they both find poop jokes funny.

Humphrey

Antiques Roadshow: I'm not sure why. I honestly think he's just glad to watch anything.

Mary

Gardener's World: I think she misses being able to look after plants and I think she'd be endlessly fascinated by how hosepipes work.

Mio Mao: She loves them fucking plasticine cats. She will not stop singing the theme song

Honestly think she'll watch anything with anyone and would get invested, she seems like the ideal person to watch telly with.

Kitty

Ru Paul's Drag Race: I think they all watch this every so often but Kitty is invested. There's bright colours, fun outfits and drama, it's definitely Alison's go to when she needs Kitty distracted.

90s and 2000s romcoms: I believe that every couple of weeks Alison and Kitty have a "girl's night" where they watch all the romcoms that Alison used to watch with her mum, mostly because I love watching romcoms with my mum and Kitty deserves that. Kitty is particularly fond of Twilight.

Thomas:

Any Jane Austen adaptations: He watches them with Fanny as they were both big fans when they were alive (its the only thing they agree on). Kitty also joins sometimes. His favourite is the 1995 Pride and Prejudice tv show.

Fanny:

Grey's Anatomy: I haven't seen it but my mum's a big fan and there's millions of seasons, I think she'd pretend she's not that into it but she definitely is.

Call the Midwife: Same as above.

The Captain:

M*A*S*H: I've seen about half an episode of this but it seems to be about fit young men in a war so it sounds like his thing. Probably Pat's recommendation.

Our Flag Means Death: I think Alison has been trying to sneakily show Cap gay media under the pretence of saying "it's just a fun show about pirates". I think the whole gang watched it together. The Captain definitely didn't cry at the end of season 1 why would think that?

Pat

Taskmaster: I think this is one they all watch together but it's definitely one of Pat's favourites. He probably attempted to set up his own version of the show with the ghost which ended horribly.

Doctor Who: I think he watched the original run when he was alive and was absolutely ecstatic to find out they made more. Julian makes fun of him for it.

Julian

Have I Got News For You: Has been airing since 1990 so he definitely watched it while he was alive. I think he likes to keep up with current politics but not in a very serious way so this is his middle ground.

Succession: I haven't seen this show but it seems to be about horrible men in suits being horrible to each other which seems right up his alley.

The Thick of It: Speaking of horrible men in suits being horrible. I think he watches this with Robin who has absolutely no idea what's going on but just laughs when Julian does and they have the best time. Julian is constantly pausing to add his own anecdotes

What We Do In The Shadows: Alison put this on as a 'let's show the Captain it's ok to be gay' show and the Captain was immediately horrified so Julian adopted it. He identifies with Lazlo.

[meanbossart]

Alright, I am like 90% sure there is ONE line in A Novel Experience touching on Gale GTFOing rapidly, so I don't think there are answers in there for me. So I come to you and ask-WTF went on between Gale and Drow???

Alright, so

There are two versions to what happened to Gale in my first campaign (the OG DU drow campaign that this whole universe is based around), lets begin with the technical version. As I've only somewhat recently come to understand, my Gale was bugged. I had 1 interaction early in the game that slightly veered into romance which didn't go anywhere, and first chance I had I clarified that I was not interested in him that way (the whole reason why It happened in the first place was because i misunderstood his dialogue). Despite this, and despite me turning him down in every romantic interaction following, I kept getting them and my interactions with him were as if we were romantically involved. I even got one exchange (the one about muscles glistening and cheeks flushed) twice, and rejected him both times.

So, later in the game once DU drow and Astarion sucessfully 5d chess-ed their way into falling In love, I was surprised to still be informed i had to "break things off" with Gale if I wanted to get with him. Which I did. And he gave me a whole spiel about it.

Now it's crucial you understand this was early in the game's release, I went into it completely blind and I had never played a game like Baldur's Gate before, so I was not familiar with the mechanics at all, which... Kind of led me to believe Gale was just like that normally.

From that point on I was highly amused, but for roleplaying purposes I decided my drow would have been highly annoyed and a little creeped out. And so I proceeded to be extremely rude to the guy at every chance I got. This eventually resulted In him pursuing the crown of Karsus despite me (rudely) telling him that was a very dumb idea.

The second version of what happened, as I already touched on above a little bit, Is the Narrative one. As I mentioned I had no clue what was and wasn't supposed to happen, so I just... Went along with it within the role-play.

So our beloved DU drow gets worms. He goes on a grand adventure with this weird possy of people to find a cure. When the tiefling party comes everybody except Astarion wants to get into his pants (because I left him on the beach for like a week and then proceeded to be The Rudest to him, sorry babe, I didn't see your pale ass and the asshole dialogue options were Really funny).

Someone else who Didn't seem to wanna fuck him was the wizard. He said he just wanted to show him a magic trick and he (and, I'll admit, me) really thought that was just that. The scene unfolds, Gale tries to teach DU Drow to cast a spell but his 9 intelligence says No. The unsolicited date ends abruptly because Gale is upset that a champion fighter without a single cantrip makes for a shitty wizard. DU Drow thinks thats the end of that - It's Not.

Then what proceeds to happen is a long, annoying, somewhat unsettling dynamic where Gale continually tries to pursue him throughout the game, coming to the point where the guy I'm Actually interested in thinks we are together - and when DU drow tells him verbatim that he had no idea they were even a thing in Gale's mind, he has to hear him whine about it. Add to that the fact that all Gale talks about is his ex-girlfriend, DU drow is (kind of justifiably) led to believe he must be a Profound weirdo to whom he cannot ever say even a Neutral word to again lest he becomes any more infatuated with him - 0r whatever the hell is going on.

Whether it be DU drow's own inflated ego or the actual truth, when Gale begins to pursue the crown he also assumes he's just doing it to spite him - so he isn't the kindest to him about that either.

And within this narrative that I concocted around a simple bug that didn't let me end a romance, I cannot imagine Anyone getting on particularly well with Gale within my main party. Drow thinks he's madly in love with him, Shadowheart is probably a little confused but she trusts DU Drow's word on the matter more than the Wizard's, Astarion thinks... What Astarion thinks.

So, no, they didn't part on the best of terms.

Before anyone gets mad, I assure you - I've completed the game again since then, I realize this is Not the intended Gale experience. He's a hysterical and deeply interesting character and only Slightly clingy and weird.

But, you gotta admit, this is way funnier.

[thankskenpenders]

At this point we're used to old Archie Sonic contributors trying to do their own thing with their old creations in the wake of the Penders lawsuits, since they're now legally free to do so. Most infamously we have Penders spending over a decade working on The Lara-Su Chronicles with his huge cast of Angel Island and Acorn Kingdom characters, and we also saw Scott Fulop briefly try to pitch Mammoth Mogul as a comic superstar in his own right

But for once, we now have a former writer tweeting about how he's actually totally game for Sega to do whatever with his most famous Sonic character. And its coming from one of the most minor contributors to Archie Sonic, who arguably went on to be the biggest name who ever touched the series

That's right: prolific Spider-Man writer Dan Slott is ready to bring back Zonic the Zone Cop

Zonic did have 1 gag going for him that I really liked. He was someone who maintained order across parallel worlds from the PERPENDICULAR dimension that ran thru all parallel dimensions. So he was always standing at a 90 degree angle from everyone else. (What was I smoking?) 🤷‍♂️

There's a Sonic creator who's super protective of all the characters he's created over the years to the point where SEGA doesn't want to use ANY of them in other media. I'm saying it here and now: I do NOT have that hangup with Zonic. SEGA, go to town! I am ready to play ball!

@SEGA, I am super-serious. I would be a dream to collaborate with. If you ever want to use Zonic The Zone Cop in a movie, cartoon, video game, breakfast cereal, you-name-it... the entire process would be headache free. It'd be smooth sailing the whole way. Call me. ☎

.@SEGA, I'm not kidding. It'd go something like this: SEGA: We want to use Zonic. ME: Sounds cool, Daddy-O. SEGA: We'll pay this reasonable amount as a consultant. ME: I'm in. SEGA: We want to give him human teeth. ME: Sounds nifty. SEGA: No. Wait. We don't. ME: All good, man.

Do I actually think this is going to happen? Fuck no. Never in a million years. I don't even know how serious Dan is being here despite the claims that he's actually super serious. He knows this is a silly minor character, even if there is, in fact, still a small subset of fans intrigued by the idea of an alternate universe Sonic who's an interdimensional cop. I just think it's funny that he even thinks about Zonic at all in a world where he wrote Spider-Verse

[emmie-tt]

Hi there,

can I request a Blaise Zabini x reader?

Reader is also a Slytherin who got partnered up with Harry Potter during potions and became fast friends with him. Harry asked for her help to make Ginny jealous but what she didn’t expect is that Blaise would also be jealous and ended up confessing that he’s been in love with her this whole time? (Blaise and reader are close friends).

Thank you!

Glitch

Blaise Zabini x reader Summary: Helping Harry make his crush jealous unknowingly made your best friend jealous as well,I think there's been a glitch Warnings: Cursing , Sexual Innuendos -------------

I was supposed to sweat you out In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground But it's been two thousand one hundred and 90 days of our love blackout The system's breaking down

Y/N POV

Your brows furrow as you look up from your paper that you were busy writing your essay on before Harry sat himself down across from you and proposed a ridiculous idea

"Come on...Please..." He pleads as he stares you down

You stare at him silently before setting your quill down and leaning back in your chair "Let me get this straight, you want me to parade around as your arm candy so you can make your best friends little sister jealous in hopes she will notice you and go on a date with you?" Harry shakes his head as she groans "When you put it like that it sounds bad"

"No shit! That's because it is bad, it's actually horrible. In fact it's so bad I am honestly disgusted-"

He cuts you off with a dramatic roll of his eyes and a scoff "Fine, just forget it."

"Woah, woah, woah glasses. I never said I wouldn't do it."

"But you said-"

"I said it was a bad idea, not that I wouldn't do it." You shrug slightly before sitting up straighter in the chair "I'll do it, only because I know how much it will piss your little friends off that your associating with the enemy."

He rolls his eyes again but nods "Cool...Just- I'll meet you outside the greathall in the morning alright?" "Mhm. Off you go glasses"

With one last scoff he walks out of the library and back to wherever he came from and you just shake your head with a giggle as you watch him walk out the door

-------------

The next morning you roll out of bed and go about your morning routine. Taking a quick shower, brushing your teeth and hair, doing your skin care and getting dressed into your uniform for the day before making your way down to the common room where Draco, Theodore, Mattheo, Astoria, Daphne, Pansy and Blaise were already stood.

"About time you got down here" Astoria says with a smirk as you walk over to the group and took your spot next to Blaise

"Yeah, yeah, says the one who has to wake up four hours early."

With that we all have a little laugh before starting our walk towards the great hall. With a raised brow Pansy pokes your side and points over to Harry who was stood at the doors of the great hall

"Whats he doing?" she asks, ever the nosey and you giggle softly

"Waiting for me."

Blaise's neck almost broke from how fast he turned it to look at you. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Anyways, I will see you fine people in class" You blow them all a kiss before walking off and over to Harry who instantly laces his fingers with yours and leads you into the great hall

Blaise watches with a glare as you disappear into the great hall, your fingers laced with...Harry fucking Potters...Without meaning to I scoff and suddenly Draco's chuckle pulls me from my head and I look over at him slightly confused

Draco smirks before mockingly wiggling his brows "Watch it Zabini, you might be a Slytherin but green is not your color mate"

Blaise rolls his eyes and ignores the other teasing comments as he makes his way into the great hall and sits down to begin eating breakfast. His gaze travels from his plate and over to the Gryffindor table where you were sat, tucked into Potters side giggling at something he says

He can't be that funny and he sure as hell isn't cute- He pulls himself from his thoughts when you glance over at him and wink.

He rolls his eyes and turns his gaze back back to his plate, an action that shocked you as he always winked back...

Deciding to talk to him about it later you turn your own gaze back to Harry who was now talking to Ginny about godrick knows what. After a moment you fall into a surprisingly friendly conversation with Hermione.

-------------

Classes drug by. With Blaise seemingly ignoring you, you had no one to talk to or mess around with. The only good thing being that Harry successfully won over Ginny, something you were very surprised about.

Trudging into the common room you groan and immediately threw off your shoes before glancing around the room to see who was around. Seeing Blaise and Theo you smile and walk over taking a seat between both of them, your smile dropping instantly when Blaise stands and walks off up to his dorm.

Glancing over at Theo clearly confused he sighs rolling his eyes "He is so dramatic"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Yeah."

Theos words shocked you and your eyes widened "Wh-What? What did I do?"

"You sucked Potters dick instead of Zabinins?"

While Theo's original words shocked you the sentence that fell from his mouth left you utterly speechless "E-Excuse me?"

Theo shrugs as if he just said the most normal thing ever. "You heard me."

You scoff shaking your head as you stand from the couch shaking your head "He doesn't look at me like that, you're crazy."

"Right, he totally isn't talking to you because he thinks you're screwing scar head. He is totally fine with it and just absolutely adores the idea because he totally isn't in love with you."

You were once again rendered speechless by his words, there was no possible way that Blaise, your absolute best friend, was in love with you-

Cutting your own thoughts off you dash up to the boys dorms, ignoring the teasing comment of Theodore who yelled "Go get that dick girl!"

After knocking on the door and receiving no answer you take it upon yourself to slam the door open finding Blaise, who now looked startled, laying shirtless on his bed with his phone in his hands

"Are you- What is happening with you? Why are you mad at me?"

He rolls his eyes with a scoff before muttering "Go away Y/N"

Shaking your head and walking into the dorm before closing the door behind you "No. Do you love me?"

His eyes widen slightly, clearly caught off guard by your blunt answer, he looks over at you then back to his phone "Doesn't matter, you're with Potter..."

Rolling your eyes you walk over and plop yourself down on the bed next to him causing him to shoot you a bewildered look "What are you-"

"I am not with Potter, I was merely trying to help him get with Ginny."

His bewilderment quickly turns to confusion as his body slowly relaxes from the tense state it was previously in and it slowly relaxed "Help with Ginny? How was you pretending to be his girlfriend helping him?"

You rolls your eyes "He made her jealous by pretending to date me since she hates me..."

"That..." Blaise mumbles as he lays his head back against the pillow "Is the dumbest thing I've ever heard..."

"I know!" You exclaim before rolling onto your side to face him "Now, tell me the truth. Do you love me or is Theodore lying?"

Blaise raises a brow as he glances over at you "Nott told you?"

With a groan you rather roughly smack his shoulder "Stop avoiding the question!"

He groans "Fine- yes... I do but it doesn't matter because there is no way you like me back-"

Rolling your eyes you cut his rambling off with a soft kiss, your hands gently cupping his cheeks as his hands shoot down to your waist as he instantly melts into the kiss

After a moment you pull away and rest your forehead against his "I do love you...I have for awhile..."

A smirk forms on his face as he pushes you onto your back next to him before climbing on top of you and kissing you again...among other things...

I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, oh, yeah And I'm not even sorry Nights are so starry, blood moonlit It must be counterfeit I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah

[ms-scarletwings]

Irken senses, and other ponderings

You know, every time I start to wonder if I’ve finally run out of things to coherently say on the whole “speculating about irken biology” matter, a whole something more is induced to hatch out of the dehydrated floam inside my skull. Between you and me, I think the eggs are triggered by ironic timing.

Anywho, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the world hypothetically through Irken eyes, and other sensory organs. Think I’ll go down them piece by piece, and to follow the pattern I’ve kept through my other Irken brain dumps, I will be drawing a huge amount of inspiration from real life arthropods. Yes, I’m very aware that realistically, any resemblance to earth insects would be coincidental from an alien species, and there’s plenty of room to make up whatever somewhat plausible explanation you can for any faucet of their anatomy. Personally, I like to run from the convergent evolution angle, since I find it no less grounded, full of potential connections the show itself all but begs me to draw, and just plain fun. Let’s get into it.

Also like towards the end there’s a whole section on the hypothetical edibility of Irkens because why not

Prelude: If you want to hear a little more behind my theory about the Irken diet revolving around sugar and a small portion of minerals, you can zip onto this analysis I did, in which I touch on some ideas of mine regarding the composition of Irken skin, their reaction to meat, etc. that works from the assumption that Irkens evolved out of an arthropod-like ancestor. Not necessary to get the gist of this one, but it is background context behind my thought process.

Sight

The Irken oculus is perhaps the most striking feature of the species, very much resembling those tiny crawling things they have been inspired by; however, it’s tougher to say exactly how far the similarity of their insides go. The eyes of most arthropods are in fact along the more simple branches of the evolutionary tree. We know that Irkens are not likely to possess compound eyes, like those found in flies and most other insects, because compound eyes are specialized for wide FOV ranges at the sacrifice of visual resolution quality. Instead, I see a much closer match to a fascinating exception or two found in Earth’s arachnids.

While most of them have utterly piss-poor vision, the hunting styles of jumping spiders necessitated a great deal of further specialization of the organs for depth perception, color differentiation, and sharp images. These are the purpose of those two huge shiners at the front (the other 6 boosting their range for detecting blurry peripheral movement and threats), and these are what bring their effective vision on a level much closer to that of familiar binocular mammals than their own six legged prey. Now I really think we are working with the base of what Irken peepers likely developed out of. One of the ways they have really diverged off is in the fact that while jumping spiders can only move their retinas, irkens seem as though they are able to move the lens of the eye themselves- or at the very least, Zim does, else the false pupils in his disguise contacts would not behave quite so convincingly. To speak about the lenses themselves, their eyes are not dry and exposed like most arthropods, speaking to a vulnerable sensitivity. They clearly have blinking eyelids, shed tears, and Zim even complains about the “scratchy” feeling of getting used to that part of his kid disguise.

(Funny sidenote: I’m like 90% sure that Zim did not have those contact lenses designed correctly for himself. Usually, if contacts feel that uncomfortable and keep falling off of the eye as easily as his do, it’s a sign of them being poorly fitted. This could be another symptom of his outdated/lower quality invader tech.)

Not only do Irkens have an assumed base vision resolution that seems more or less on par with human beings, but Invader elites are fitted with ocular implants that grant them a significantly greater advantage in this realm. We don’t know to a certainty how well improved an Irken soldier’s vision is, but Zim was confidently able, within seconds and under pressure, to pick out the area of town he lived in from what was miles away under night hours.

On the topic of night vision, I have a hunch that even without the cybernetics, these guys are adapted to see much better than we in dim to dark environments as well. Most of the early part of their life cycle is lived out in subterranean crèches. On the surface, daytime Irk is cast in a sunset red atmosphere. Oddly, a massive portion of their fashion and architectural aesthetics show a preference for these dark, warmer tones. Ruby is far and away the most common eye color in their kind. All of these facts suggest that warm-spectrum hues and pigments were incredibly common in the homeworld’s history, to point of indicating something about a cultural attraction to them- kind of like how humans put the color blue all over so much corporate branding and elsewhere. Zim’s favorite color has also been revealed to be purple. Most of all, given what I’ve seen of Irk’s, Blorch’s, and Devastis’s surface skies, AND Zim’s reaction to staring directly at the sun for more than a few seconds, I’m assuming that most Irkens are wholly unfamiliar with living in an environment as brightly lit as midday Earth.

I do think Irken eyes “glow” in the dark, but not in the emitting sense. Just more in the reflective one. This they would owe to a well developed tapetum lucidum, as seen in cats and deer and pretty much any animal to give off an eerie eye shine under the right lighting. To point back to arachnids, wolf spiders are speedy nocturnal murder machines with highly developed tapetum lucida, in their secondary eyes, at least. What I love the most about that is it makes it very easy to tell if you’re looking at a mother spider because her babies will give off the same eyeshine if you take a pic of one with the flash on.

Additionally, I won’t forget that sleep is no longer a necessity for our alien subjects. This alone gives them a major edge over any dinural race such as humanity. While Zim has his appearances to keep up during the day, the nighttime on Earth is actually when he is allowed the most free rein to work on his endeavors uninterrupted.

Sound

Ah, so this is the part where I rattle off the common theories we’ve collectively formed about Irken antennae as the replacement for an external ear, eh? Yes, but actually no…. jokes aside, it’s just no. I’ll get to the deal with antennae, but as you might imagine, hearing ability also varies all over the place in the insect world.

It is true that antennae play a large role in the hearing of some critters, such as mosquitoes, whose males use them to pick out the high frequency wing beats of nearby females in a swarm. Crickets, on the other hand, use sensory organs on their legs tuned to much lower sound ranges. There’s no one way to evolutionarily put together a sort-of ear, as well proven by the sheer amount of times it convergently happened in bugs and in how many creative ways.

They literally be designing themselves like me playing around in spore. If we’re not talking about that mosquito or honeybee example, then what we are referring to as an ear and most hearing insects is going to be an external tympanic organ. Most people who have passed high school biology would be able to recognize a visible tympanum in frogs- that circular thing right behind the eyes in most species, and understand it as their version of an ear drum. Many bugs’ tympanums are likewise thin chitinous membranes situated… potentially just about anywhere on the body (again, see above). This is what I think Irkens use as a primary hearing organ, in his case, probably situated on their heads in addition to the feelers. The latter organs I think would also be sensitive to general vibrations and subtler environmental cues, like wind direction and pressure changes, but the bulk of their hearing would be owed to the tympanum.

As far as the quality of their hearing, well, there’s not any sign it differs much from the human experience. Like us, they communicate through verbal language, and the existence of the “Dancing Arcade Game (but for aliens)” confirms at least a similar cultural propensity for music as an entertainment form. Zim is an outlier for the fact that he seems genuinely a little hard of hearing next to his kin, screaming as naturally as he talks and repeatedly mishearing (if hearing at all) people who are speaking directly at him. It’s clear something’s up with his hearing, but there’s no clear answer what and why. At first I was tempted to suggest something about sound passing much differently through the medium of earth’s atmosphere (kind of like how noise on Mars would sound muffled to us), but neither Tak nor Skoodge seemed to pick up the problem when they arrived. It really could be as simple as some kind of birth defect, or even glitches in how his corrupted PAK is processing the inputs it receives. Like many others, I want to imagine that his wig could be interfering too, since it covers the whole top portion of his head; as well, I noticed he has more of those incidents with it on than not.

Smell

Alrighty, NOW we can round back to focusing on the antennae, because this is actually the main thing our insects fine tuned theirs for. And when I say fine tuned- I mean fine tuned. Blood suckers that find their prey through the CO2 of their breath, flies that can pick up on potential food sources from miles away; In the land of the little, scent is everything. Beyond it being their main tool for exploring the environment for what to eat and what to avoid, chemical messages are the backbone of bug-to-bug communication. Pheromones are the divining rod of lonely spiders looking for a mate. They are the bugle of yellow jackets when rallying the nest to attack a threat, and they are the signals that govern about every single action an ant takes from adulthood until death. Obviously, Irkens are much more sight & hearing dependent than these comparisons, but they still have much more bodily specialization dedicated to this sense than we can relate to. For one, they are fastidiously hygienic. Like, “the care-bots from that really creepy episode of the Buzz lightyear cartoon” hygienic. We have yet to see any livable surface of Irk that is not sky to underground terraformed over in all-consuming metal infrastructure. There’s less than no sign of visible life besides the Irkens; ffs, there’s not even soil in sight. Not on Devastis, either. The Organic Sweep sounds like such a nice and pretty euphemism in the face of the actual horror of Blorch’s fate, and all to spare the boots of their military from touching even a speck of “unsavory alien filth”. They live in such a controlled and purified environment that I can’t even imagine the absolute assault on the senses Zim’s every day on our barbaric ball of dirt is. Over and over again he gives off the impression that the constant stink of this place is in fact his chief complaint about living among us. The majority of insults he throws toward humans relate to how they smell or the fact that he finds them “filthy”. We’re flat out nasty to him and I don’t blame him. Even relative to other animals, humans are especially RANK due to the combination of sweat, oils, and bacteria that coat our skin.

And believe it or not, I do think Irkens are in a position to talk shit in this regard. Zim is a really sweaty boi; however, I posed an idea back in that write up about Irken skin before- to summarize- that his kind maintain remarkably sterile cuticles due to the presence of a toxic chemical in their skin. This, I said then, could have been the key to Zim’s lice repelling trait, but I wasn’t so specific at the time about more than that. I got the idea from a group of millipedes that, when disturbed, can secrete hydrogen cyanide as a deterrent to predators. I like to imagine that Irkens can do a similar thing via sweating, not to thermoregulate like us, but as a stress response. It would at least explain why Zim seems like a very nervous sweater. Fun fact if you didn’t know, cyanide’s smell is similar to almonds.

I’m deadass telling you I think Irkens just smell like almond extract. Do with that what you will.

Touch

So, in writing this whole whatever it be, this part was the trickiest to come up with any productive analysis on. I’ve already guessed at what I think Irken skin feels most like (spoiler: hairless caterpillars) in the analysis I referenced up top. Zim being able to pass himself off as a human under the examination of the Skool nurse points to an average body temperature somewhere around our own. What I did find interesting while rewatching the series though was the sheer amount of pain tolerance on these invaders, except in one way. Can I extrapolate this fortitude to Irkens universally? Probably not! Zim is a member of the most elite of the most highly trained members of Irk’s military. I wouldn’t take what a seasoned veteran can handle and assume that’s the human floor in a nutshell, but our invaders CAN tell us quite a bit about their ceiling… starting with the fact that these bastards are ridiculously heat resistant. Irkens are a durable race broadly, but their reactions to extreme temperatures strike me as jaw-droppingly underwhelming, if anything.

Irkens DON’T like being engulfed in flames. It’s still a painful experience to them, but seemingly the kind they can pretty much walk off as soon as it’s over. Through explosions and fire we have seen Zim (and Skoodge) survive in one piece. We’ve seen The Massive take a whole dip into a burning star with no ill effects to the crew within. Most amazing to me was the time in Battle of the Planets when Zim willingly piloted Mars into grazing by the Sun at close range while trying to evade Dib. Totally exposed driver’s seat and he was no worse for wear after this.

Further in the comics we see this touched on in the Zimvoid arc. Zib’s favorite method of torturing the Zims under his training program was to torch them at random for sadistic amusement. Quite interestingly, though, Number 2 implies that their bodies do actually adapt to this treatment over time! Theoretically, Zims further along in the program have become all but invulnerable to fire entirely.

On the other hand, one of the truly most painful things Zim has been shown to experience is to have his skin chemically burned. It’s a strange sort of irony that Earth’s water would prove to be an incapacitating force to them in place of any inferno. He’ll smash his skull into the Voot’s windshield with enough force to pop out an eyeball and it’s whatever. Plenty of other things hurt, but he can power through. You turn a shaken can of soda or a bottle of bbq sauce on him and he’s just left screaming on the ground or screaming and running away. Whatever brutal sort of training he had to go through off world, it didn’t prepare him for this.

Taste

The perceptive side of this I think may not be too hard to figure out. Irken food, as alien as its actual composition could be, has been shown to be heavily analogous to human junk food. I hesitate to call what Irkens are scarfing down “meals” in the proper sense, because I’ve noticed that neither Zim nor his kin intrinsically understand the concept. When he’s trying to blend in as a human being, he puts a LOT of bizarre effort into convincing us that he, just like you inferior creatures, TOTALLY eats “food” on a regular basis like a normal person. When Irkens eat their own products, it’s all and only “snacks”. What follows is the conclusion that their eating habits are not structured into any schedule and that Irkens instead graze throughout the day as they please- and even possibly that eating altogether is more a recreation to them, instead of a necessary function to sustain life. Some fans have speculated that the PAK could provide an Irken with all of the necessary energy to survive absent of nutrition. I kind of want to contest this, given that caloric energy is only one purpose of taking in food… but it’s definitely the most immediate one. Nonetheless, they still eat constantly on screen and it all has to be going somewhere. Whether they need it or not, they still readily digest snacks (and presumably use those chemical building blocks to regenerate tissue damage) with a terrifying metabolic efficiency. Assuming that the resemblance of their snack foods and our leisure treats are not purely coincidental, one gathers that sweetness is the largest dimension of Irken cuisine. They are drawn most enthusiastically to carb-dense synthetic, plant, and possibly fungal matter in the same way that the human brain lights up at the prospect of fat and sugar-loaded meals. The flexible tongues of Irkens to me also resemble the nectar catching, segmented mouthparts of some bees. I would be willing to bet that they can taste salt, but jury’s out if it is something they crave, like us, or are repulsed by, like ants. That would have to come down to the scarcity (or not) of the resource on their home planet and whether or not desiccation was a serious threat in their natural history. In other regards, Zim shows strong negative reactions to most Earth foods, if not physically, than in his expressions. They definitely have powerful vulnerabilities to many human ingredients, and so are very sensitive to the presence of these toxins. I can’t imagine acidic or bitter substances are at all pleasant to them.

Now comes the much more interesting question I’ve thought way too long and hard about in the shower a time or two. Knowing that Irkens are likely a herbivorous breed, ergo, thankfully would have no interest in the consumption of the human race… what about the vise versa??? I don’t just want to know what they taste, but what would they taste like?

So, you’ve decided to mix it up for the thanksgiving dinner and forgo the same boring old bird for an Irken you have vanquished (via what I can only imagine was a freaking miracle of luck). What should you come to expect? Most importantly and I must emphasize this, the secret to preparing their meat is the same as Tolkien dwarves, you have to skin them before anything else. The separation of edible tissues from the cuticle is necessary to avoid ingesting the defensive toxins it contains. Even if the concentration is not enough to provide a danger to you, it could end up contributing an unpleasant, bitter flavor to the final product.

That done, discard the head and digestive organs. True as it may be that Irkens are wholly free of parasites, with a chance that the viscera could be edible, it’s not likely to taste that great and besides, do you really want to take chances with exposing yourself to an entirely foreign gut biome you have no immune adaptations to? And don’t even think about the brain- I don’t care how rare the infection rates are, alien prions are a big no. If you happen to run into any cybernetic implants during the cleaning, however, set them aside! They could be worth a small fortune in the right circles. But, for the purpose of eating we’re really concerned with the muscle tissues, a delicate white meat with a texture similar to fresh crab. The bones need not be wasted, and are fine to leave in, or can be boiled on their own to make a flavorful stock which can be added to soups or a delightful gravy. A surprisingly practical use of Irken bone could also be in the compost bin, being rich in chitosan and other powerful garden fertilizers. The flesh can do well fried, or roasted to a crispy exterior. The oven rule is the same as chicken, low and slow, to prevent drying out. Don’t be afraid to experiment with the gravy idea or marinades. The flavor profile of the meat itself would be utterly unique from what most of us are used to, comparable to a nutty crayfish. Savory, a bit of a sweetness, and a mineral hint that pairs quite well with mushrooms or rice.

I can’t recommend serving this to any guests with shellfish allergies in good conscience. If they insist, do so in caution and with knowledge of the risk of cross reactivity.

And there you have …. certainly a thing I did write and queue up for y’all!

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Cocaine Bear

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~700

Summary: You and Wanda watch a weird movie

A/N: This contains spoilers for Cocaine Bear!! So beware... this is just a short little fluffy thing

Warnings: Fluff and crack 

“Wands, we don’t have to keep watching this.”

“It’s a little…”

Wanda trails off as she tries to find words to describe how ridiculous this movie is. She’s not sure if it’s supposed to be more of a comedy than horror, but she’s struggling to figure it out even as they’re 50 minutes in. She’s finding it hard to be scared and she’s mostly just laughing at the fact that this bear is so doped up it’s attacking people for more drugs.

It shouldn’t be funny, but Wanda finds herself bursting into fits of giggles whenever someone looks so shocked to see a bear just chilling with white dust on his nose while eating his latest victim. She curls up next to you and shakes her head at the idea of stopping. They somehow have an hour left, but now she needs to know how it ends. You decide to humor her and you laugh slightly before just nodding and lying back to watch Wanda more than you watch the movie.

“I don’t know if that much cocaine would cause this, versus just killing him.”

Wanda shushes you gently before snuggling closer to you with a yawn. You shouldn’t even be trying to make sense of this movie, but this is what you tend to do when things don’t keep your interest. You try to rationalize them and usually it’s enough to distract you from the horrible plot. In this case you have Wanda to thank for that and you can’t help but smile as she near cackles as the ‘cocaine bear’ collapses on someone you think is a criminal. It only takes someone dropping their cocaine for it to jump up and swallow the whole thing.

“What is happening?”

As soon as you speak up the bear starts dancing with the poor man that he’d been lying on earlier. You both just watch in silence as the bear who had just been identified as a female, bathes in a shower of cocaine. Your mouth is still hanging open as the movie gets a little sad, but the hunt for the bear that’s run off continues. You shift on the couch and groan as you try and push Boone’s butt out of the way.

“Are they just all arguing while he kicks those cubs?”

You frown in annoyance as one character continues to a greedy asshole while the bear gets another high. You can’t help but roll your eyes at the fact that this bear has done more cocaine than anyone you know. You wonder how many more hits she’ll get before the movie ends. Wanda’s eyes are closed but she’s still listening to the chaos that erupts on screen. You continue to eat popcorn as your wife mostly just rests her head on your lap.

Once the movie’s over you just huff before glancing at the clock with a small smile. You run your fingers through your wife’s hair to see if she’ll stir but she seems very comfortable so you just let her rest.

“That was 90 minutes of my life I won’t get back, but at least I spent it with you.”

You hear Wanda laugh at this and a few seconds later she’s sitting up so she can kiss you. She looks over to Boone to see he’s curled up in a ball at the end of the couch with Fletcher stepping all over him. He grumbles but tolerates his fur sister being annoying, so Wanda turns her attention to you with a smile.

“We can watch something else.”

You’d already been thinking of what movie to watch next at the 20-minute mark of this one. You had an animated movie that you really wanted to watch. It was based off of the series, and you were already searching for it as Wanda reaches over you to pet her cat. As expected, Fletcher steps on your lap to get to her mom and you just smirk before starting The Bob’s Burgers Movie.

“This movie is going to be so much better. I promise.”

Masterlist

[lanaxoxoxoxoxox]

SO. ANOTHER. steal my girl by 1D.

this could probably be fem!reader

ranboo and reader have known eachother since they were about 15/16, and he's ALWAYS loved her. ALWAYS. once they finally start dating, maybe once they're both 17/18, ranboo starts steaming, chat says stuff along the lines of "y/n could do better" or "she deserves better than ranboo fr" or "i could get y/n EASY" so ranboo goes out of his way to say "no one can steal my girl, nor does she even WANT any of you." SOMETHIN ALONG THOSE LINES!!

literally SCREAMED at this bro , you have no idea

, my girl !!

☆ ranboo x fem!reader

warnings: she/her pronouns, fem reader, chat being a dick, protective ran (drives me crazy /pos), ran + y/n are both 19 in this fic, ran's pov entire fic ☽

☆ a/n: utterly obsessed with this ask !! lovely @heiijoy actually sent me a whole bunch of other amazing fic ideas in our messagesand i was screaming and giggling and kicking my feet the entire time !! yall dont know how excited am i abt being able to write this and have such amazing moots oml

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

ranboo pov

I've always admired Y/n. I did then, and I still do.

Since I first saw her at the locker next to me in sophomore year, something just, clicked inside of me. At first, I originally saw her as a locker-hallway crush only, until classes got changed due to a teacher leaving. Suddenly, the hallway-locker crush turned into same-classes crush. For some odd reason, the teachers would also often pair us in the same partners and groups, and we would sit near or next to each other sometimes. I kind of just played it off as pure luck on my part.

I would see y/n in about 90% of my classes, but we were assigned permanent partners one day in English for the rest of the year. I got to talk way more to her in class, and we even hung out a few times. I eventually did get her number and we started to hang out more, but not just for study sessions. We eventually had a really strong friendship, but I still admired her.

Time skip, but one of my friends who was dating y/n's best friend told me that y/n actually liked me back, and she had for a while. At first I didn't believe him, until y/n texted me to meet up at the stargazing hill we always went to and told me she liked me.

After that, we started dating. I started my Twitch and YouTube around then, and started blowing up very quickly. Y/n was always there to support me and what I wanted to do, and I was eventually invited to the Dream SMP, which also quickly raised my following and reputation even more. When I got an invitation from Toby and Tommy to meet them in the UK, Y/n also came with me. She's always been at my side, streamer or not.

present day

"'Just Talking streams never end well'? Damn, you guys are mean!" I said, laughing and flipping off the camera.

I spinned my chair slightly to the left, focusing my eyes on the other monitor that showed StreamLabs and the chat. I scanned my eyes over the chat, and a few messages caught my eye.

user4531: hi everyone!

user78787877: y/n could do better tbh

ranboofan69: @user78787877 frrr she deserves more than ranboo

rainbow4eva: i love your shirt!

socoolfan: @ranboofan69 yeah i could get y/n SO EASY bro

I sighed loudly enough for the microphone to pick up. I looked back over to chat and saw moderators turn off chat to send a warning message and put it chat onto "emotes only" mode.

I laughed. "The fact some of you guys are so confident in stealing y/n from me is actually very funny." I stared into the webcam. "Y/n is my girl, nor does she even want any of you all."

Let's just say y/nboo and that clip was trending on Twitter for a little while.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

kinda a short but fic but i hope u guys liked !! thanks @heiijoy for the lovely req <3

please support me by liking, following, replying or reblogging! my inbox is currently CLOSED, so no requests for the time being or they will be deleted. thank you!

love u all mwah xoxoxox

[sophieinwonderland]

r/systemscringe's self-proclaimed "Tumblr Lore Historian" spewing mass amounts of misinformation

Why? Why can't you coordinate alters like this?

It's pretty well-known that alters can communicate internally. Everyone with even a basic understanding of DID is aware of this.

And researchers have had alters voluntarily switch in an fMRI machine!

There is neurological proof of DID systems being able to control switches!

"I don't know if this is possible or not but I don't like you talking about your experiences with your own mental illness in a funny way."

(Is this even about DID? I don't know if it's from a good plural culture blog or an anti-endo one. I'm just going to talk about it as if it were about DID.)

Also... this is actually about a negative experience. Sure, it's presented in a lighthearted way and is intended to be humorous... but it's not a good or positive experience.

And this makes the whole thing feel ableist for far more reasons than just the normal pluralphobic ones. This seems aimed at policing people with disorders of all kinds being able to joke about their own disorders!

Because to these ableists, even joking about negative aspects of your disorder is somehow glamorizing it.

The only emotion these people think you should be able to express towards your disorders is self-loathing.

And WHY WOULDN'T THIS BE POSSIBLE?

All they're describing is one alter waking up and turning the alarm off, and someone else fronting later.

Having multiple alters who switch throughout the day is the defining characteristic of DID!

Do you know anything about DID?

Yes, yes. You're ableist and hate people with disorders making jokes about them. We established that above.

More importantly, have you opened the DSM? Because alters of gods and spirits isn't that weird!

Yes, DID systems form alters based on religions! You should know this!

What is your obsession with Hazbin Hotel?

Again, religious alters are common enough experiences that they're literally described in the DSM itself.

Yes? That sounds like what they're describing.

Why not?

We already established in the beginning that some systems can control who is fronting. This has been proven for a fact with fMRI scans.

So why wouldn't a system be able to turn things into a game to see who could do their tasks the quickest?

Maybe. Maybe it's because you're a bitter person who hates people ever enjoying themselves and being happy. 🤷‍♀️

I think if you're scrolling through and getting irrationally angry at people not being miserable, you should actually analyze why you're feeling that way before you make posts making fun of them.

(Also, the tone here isn't "funny." It's excited at actually being recognized by a friend.)

Oh? Why don't you prove it then?

Like you said, you're not a professional!

So cite one! If you think alters can't form that easily, back that opinion up with someone who actually does know what they're talking about!

"I'm just someone who knows..."

No. You don't! You haven't studied this. You aren't relying on information from anyone who actually has. You're confidently shouting your uneducated and wrong opinions about a disorder you've demonstrated time and time again that you know NOTHING about, based entirely on what you've heard from other equally uneducated people on the internet!

I think we can tell the difference between a fictional character we have control over, and something that is completely autonomous, regularly interacts with us directly, and has autobiographical memories of those interactions.

Also, while there are many disorders that can cause voice hearing and seeing a doctor is a good idea if you can, it's worth noting that voice hearing in children is more associated with DID than psychotic disorders.

90% of DID systems start hearing their alters before the age of 18, compared to 28% of schizophrenic people with maltreatment and 38% with maltreatment.

But of course, having people in your head also isn't a disorder, and if you think you have a sentient voice in your head that isn't yours, you can check out my test to find out:

Notably, your average writing character should NOT be able to pass this test.

[tyrantisterror]

Woah, that’s pretty heavy, dude. I’ve never seen anyone analyze the series that way, but now that you brought those themes up, they seem pretty damn obvious. Can you elaborate on this interpretation of the shorts and the series? As well as each version’s respective symbolism? How do you think the main cast gaining new colors at the end of the original, only to lose them for the new series factors in to this interpretation. What do Roy and Lesley represent?

Each of the original shorts puts the three main puppets in the role of students and has a different teacher force a "lesson" upon them.

In Creativity, the teacher keeps telling the students how great creativity is, while constantly shutting down their attempts to actually express their own thoughts and feelings, whether it be by questioning the purpose of her arbitrary rules for what they should do or by making artistic choices she doesn't approve of - "Green is not a creative color" isn't just a funny joke, but the whole point of the short and how education often fails when trying to teach art. Because schools put so much emphasis on "objective" evaluations of student progress, they often fail to truly teach inherently subjective subjects like art and creative writing - you can't let people express themselves freely if you have to force them to fit a super strict rubric. "Be creative, but only use the colors I allow you to, only do the activities I've assigned, only think the way I think" is inherently contradictory advice, and by the end of the short the students are so frustrated that they express their creativity in a way that gets them banned from doing it ever again - "let's all agree to never be creative again" is where the short ends.

In Time, the teacher tries to explain the concept of time in an inherently over-simplified and often borderline inaccurate and nonsensical way, to the increasing frustration of the students. The teacher specifically puts a big emphasis on 1. being punctual and 2. believing that the past was generically shitty but it's done so we don't have to worry about it, and the future will be great so don't worry about it. All of these "lessons" are designed to make the students think about time only in the sense of it being a rule they have to obey - a schedule to stick to. When the students actually ask insightful questions about time - "Is time even real? Does anyone know?" - the teacher gets angry and punishes them by forcing them to contemplate their own mortality, all to reinforce the idea that time is just an arbitrary set of rules they have to obey or else.

In Love, the yellow puppet is given lots of empty platitudes about how great love and compassion is and how he should value them, only to then have a bunch of arbitrary rules about how and when one should love heaped on him once he agrees that love is important, with the rules eventually saying his love should be to some nebulous authority figure - "Our king" in the cult imagery of the episode is very much a stand-in for authority in general. We're shown how education can make even the most wholesome-sounding of lessons twisted for a purpose of controlling and manipulating students, forcing them to believe in things that aren't real for the benefit of a select few.

I feel I don't need to explain the Computer episode to anyone who's been in a public school's computer class in the 90's/early 2000's, it kind of explains itself. But a huge problem in education to this day is the persistent belief that you can make students teach themselves by throwing shitty yet expensive "cutting edge" education programs at them - it's what 90% of school budget increases go into because it makes the politicians who buy them look like they care without actually putting any work into understanding what education really needs.

The nutrition episode makes fun of how goddamn mercurial nutrition education has been over the last few decades - one minute eggs are good for you, then you're having too much of them, then you need more of them again, it's fucking madness - and how ultimately all nutrition education does is give you so much anxiety about the foods you pick for yourself that you just buy whatever's advertised for you the flashiest, even if it's really bad for you (like canned meat from one of your few remaining friends).

In the final episode of the original shorts, the Red Guy, having escaped his teachers, finds himself in the dreary adult world, and despite everything actually pines for the simpler days of being a student. He decides to look into the nature of his education, and sees not only how shitty and half-baked a system it is, but also the true root of it: that it wasn't made for the benefit of students, but for the parents who made those kids and want them indoctrinated so they behave better. That's what Roy represents - the parent who doesn't really care about their child learning anything useful beyond "obey the people in charge."

As for the show being about the horrors of the mundane adult world, well, I think that's pretty obvious. One episode is literally about getting jobs. Another is about confronting your own eventual death. They're not subtle about it. And hell, it builds off the finale of the original shorts - Red Guy already transitioned from childhood to adulthood, it's only fitting his pals came with him.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

(GFL Short Fic) "Holding out for a T-Doll"

Alternative title: "Local Woman Too Angry To Die"

On an infiltration mission to the inner cities, AK-15's S/O has been kidnapped due to their relation with Griffin and Kruger.

Unfortunately for the kidnappers, Task Force DEFY has a tracker on every member of the squad, and they do not take kindly to anyone attacking their own. Post-edit note: SURPRISE SONG FIC!...People still do these, right? This feels super corny but also kinda funny. It's like writing a 90's action flick. Word Count: 2.3K

AK-12's eyes scanned the building, her glowing pink irises subtly changing colors every few seconds.

AK-15, RPK-16, and AN-94 said nothing as they watched from on top of a skyscraper, looking downward at the warehouse.

(AK-12) "Confirmed. I'm reading S/O's tracker in there."

(AK-15) "Threat assessment?"

(AK-12) "Humans. Doesn't look to be affiliated with Sangvis, or any of the protesters in the city. Might just be human traffickers."

(AN-94) "Our orders were not to cause a scene-"

(RPK-16) "Kind of hard to do when AK-15's beloved is taken, is it not?"

AK-15 just crossed her arms, making no visual recognition of the teasing.

(AK-15) "This is not a matter of relations. S/O is simply a comrade in arms, and a vital source of information on the inner workings of Griffin. If they were to be sold to Sangvis, it could have dire consequences."

(AK-12) "I'm sure that's the entire reason."

AK-15 glared daggers at 12, who simply just shrugged while keeping her smug smile.

(AK-12) "Regardless, I agree. You'll be happy to know I'm ordering that we're going loud, given our primary mission was already accomplished before this whole ordeal happened."

(AN-94) "Our orders?"

(AK-12) "94, get us a ride out of the city and call for the Commander. We're going home after this. Had enough of this place, anyway."

AN-94 nodded and moved downstairs. AK-12 turned to RPK-16.

(AK-12) "I want you to provide cover fire and a distraction to catch their attention. We'll signal when we're all ready, and commence the rescue on your signal. AK-15, you'll be our vanguard to save S/O. I'll move in the shadows to secure your escape in case they get any funny ideas. I also didn't scan anything that could be a significant threat other than a few low grade explosives."

(AK-15) "Understood."

AK-15's ponytail flowed in the wind, stomping towards the stairs and her scowl growing angrier by the second, quickly followed by the other two members of DEFY.

...

S/O remained tied up in the chair with a piece of cloth crudely fastened over their mouth. The two men in the room spat on the ground looking at them and left.

(Guard 1) "Why the hell aren't we just killing them, they're part of a fuckin PMC with those tin cans!"

(Guard 2) "Apparently boss said we can get some money if we talk to the right people. Let's just-"

The intercom suddenly came alive in the warehouse, making the two men grab their weapons.

(Guard 2) "The hell?!"

The intercom began blasting music at such a high volume that it made them recoil. It was quickly accompanied by several men shouting and rushing throughout the warehouse with their weapons at the ready.

The two went towards the main lobby that had crates and all sorts of construction equipment scattered, everyone taking positions. One of the guards stood near the door where the intercom system, trying to turn the music off.

(Guard) "Turn that fucking thing off already!"

(Guard) "I-I can't! Things not-"

A fist suddenly came through the wall and intercom, grabbing the guard's face and violently dragged him away as he screamed, startling everyone and making them aim their weapons at the rubble.

Before anyone could get a sense of what was happening, the same body burst through the rubble, a massive, angry looking woman dressed in black with a long white ponytail emerged, her light purple eyes glowing.

A panicked guard pulled the trigger once, a single gunshot reflecting off her shoulder, and all she did was give them a glare, scaring the absolute hell out of everyone further.

AK-15 dove behind a crate as gunfire rained down all around her. Trying to analyze the area, she then recognized what song was playing over the intercom.

"Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods?

(AK-15) "...Seriously?"

"Where's the streetwise Hercules To fight the rising odds?"

An exacerbated sigh left AK-15's mouth before she refocused her attention, reloading the pistol the guard she killed had. Some of the guards had moved to flank her while her position was suppressed, which she immediately turned to shoot.

"Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed "

She pulled the trigger three times, each one entering the head of S/O's kidnappers, and AK-15 snuck around the corner they had entered.

"Late at night, I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need"

She stopped right at the end of the crates as the gunfire followed her position. Without warning, a hail of bullets tore through the upper windows, hitting every one of the guards trying to pin her down. AK-15 grunted in thanks, which RPK spoke up.

(RPK-16's Voice) "Coming from the door on your left."

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night"

AK-15 saw the door swing wide open, and before the men inside could open fire, she kicked the forklift towards them. The machine skidded across the floor and slammed right into the doorframe.

"He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight"

Wasting no time, she sprinted up the stairs as more guards came from below, all attempting to shoot her.

She didn't bother to fire back as she dodged the oncoming bullets, knowing that with every second passing, S/O might be in more danger.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light"

The door she was about to enter had another group exit, one that noticed her approach far too late. She grabbed one of them by the collar and effortlessly tossed them over the railing before punching the next one in her way.

(AK-15) "Get out of my way."

"He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life Larger than life"

One of the guards managed to open fire, she was far too close to escape, and the bullet tore into her chest. Even though she felt some amount of pain, she clenched her teeth in ever increasing anger, grabbed the arm holding the gun and snapped it like a toothpick.

With a vicious headbutt, she completely knocked them out and more than likely broke their nose and some of their teeth.

"Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy"

Hearing the fight happening outside, S/O tried to get out of their restraints until a guard ran into the room. The guard immediately had their weapon pulled out and wrapped their arm around S/O's neck, backing away in fear from the door.

"Somewhere, just beyond my reach There's someone reaching back for me"

AK-15 disposed of another group that tried to engage her in close quarters and failed.

Finishing off the last one in the hallway with a bullet to their chest, she felt her head budge towards the wall, accompanied by a metallic clang.

"Racing on the thunder And rising with the heat"

Turning towards the source, one of the guards had gotten up and stared in horror at the metal pipe that was now completely bent in their hands.

"It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet"

She grabbed the pipe from them and slammed it against their head, the pipe shattering completely as she found S/O's signature, right behind the door with another guard, using them as a shield.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night"

S/O and the guard saw the outline of a massive figure standing outside the door, making the guard panic even more.

(Guard) "C-COME IN, AND I'LL PULL THE TRIGGER!"

"He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight"

The door flew off the hinges and almost slam into the both of them, the guard diving out the way and aiming for S/O. AK-15 rushed in and immediately got in front of S/O, with her back tanking an onslaught of bullets that opened fire.

S/O looked horrified, more for AK-15 than themselves. She clenched her teeth making sure not to move until the only noise was clicking.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light"

AK-15 spun around and was prepared to mutilate S/O's attacker before AK-12 leapt down from the vent, on top of the guard and knocking him out.

Her pink eyes glowed in the darkness, addressing them coldly, devoid of her usual emotions.

"He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life"

(AK-12) "Everyone blocking your escape is dead. Proceed."

AK-15 nodded and ripped off the restraints on S/O, being a bit more gentle when it came to their mouth.

(S/O) "T-Thank you!"

(AK-15) "Do not thank us yet. We have yet to escape."

(S/O) "Right...By the way, what's with this music?"

(AK-15) "I do not know, I just wish we could've used a less annoying distraction."

(S/O) "If it's annoying you, then it must be annoying the enemy, right?"

AK-15 made a noncommittal grunt before they moved to escape.

"Up where the mountains meet the heavens above Out where the lightning splits the sea I could swear there is someone, somewhere watching me"

AK-15, S/O, and AK-12 ran out the room and down the hallway, kicking open the door they found an empty parking lot. They stood on catwalk that was dozens of feet above the ground.

And without waiting, AK-15 carried S/O bridal style and leapt off with AK-12, making them scream in surprise.

"Through the wind and the chill and the rain And the storm and the flood"

As soon as they landed, several of the guards burst out from the door across from them and tossed grenades at the three.

I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood

AK-15 dropped S/O before grabbing a nearby dumpster, dragging it across the ground and slammed it in front of them, right as the explosions went off.

AK-12 covered S/O as debris ran down, tearing apart their already dirty and battered suits.

(Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, blood)

Before the guards could do anything else, they dove for the concrete when a wild barrage of bullets almost took their heads off, firing wildly across the wall.

I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night

RPK-16 continued to lay down suppressive fire as AN-94 sped into the parking lot, slamming on the brakes and kicking open the door towards the side her comrades were on.

"He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight"

Not needing to say anything else, AK-15 picked up S/O like a suit case and threw them into the back seat, quickly joining as AK-12 closed the door behind them.

As the bullets flew through the windows, AK-15 held S/O tightly to shield them from any potential stray shot.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light"

AN-94 put the pedal to the metal, quickly escaping the warehouse and dodging oncoming traffic and onto the main road so they could not get tailed.

Once they were out of harm's way, S/O took a deep breath as AK-15 released her grip on them.

"He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be-"

(AK-15) "Turn that off already."

AK-12's pink irses flashed gray before she closed her eyes, the music in the car being shut off. As soon as her eyes closed, her signature smile came back.

RPK-16 rolled up her windows as she turned the safety on her machine gun.

(RPK-16) "I thought the song was quite fitting, honestly."

(S/O) "That was intentional?"

(AK-12) "It was. Clearly it was worth it, seeing how you're in the car with us now."

S/O looked worried at how damaged everyone was. AK-15's suit was almost threads, with the amount of bullets that either flew off her, or entered.

AK-12 and RPK-16 did not fare any better, and even AN-94 had parts of her blue suit scorched with black marks.

(S/O) "I'm...I'm so sorry, everyone. One second I was inside my room, and the next-"

(AK-15) "The fault is mine. You were supposed to be under my watch and-"

(RPK-16) "I don't think it particularly matters whose fault it is. After all, we're still breathing, aren't we?"

(AN-94) "Affirmative. Our damage is superficial. Yours is not."

(S/O) "...I guess I can at the very least say, thank you."

(AK-12) "Hm.~ Apology accepted. Besides, if we let even one of those men lay a finger on you, 15 would've torn us to shreds."

(AK-15) "Please, shut up already."

S/O laid a hand on her back and felt a piece of metal slightly out of place, making them recoil. Sighing, AK-15 grabbed their hand.

(AK-15) "I will be fine. I am entering sleep mode for the duration of the drive."

S/O nodded and moved to give her space before realizing AK-15's grip was not budging. She wanted their hand there. Slightly blushing at that, they rested onto her as well, both of them sleeping.

(AN-94) "A Griffin Black Hawk will be picking us up as soon as we reach the destination."

(AK-12) "Which is how long?"

(AN-94) "Four hours."

(AK-12) "Make it three. I already feel like I'm intruding on their love nest just sensing them."

(AN-94) "Understood."

(RPK-16) "...That song sure is interesting. Music in general is quite fascinating, given how humans normally are-"

AK-15's eyes opened and glanced over to RPK-16.

(AK-15) "Do not start singing it."

RPK just smiled and looked out the window as AK-12 scooched away from S/O and AK-15.

The duration of their escape was a quiet but surprisingly comfortable one. DEFY's mission was successful, and they were leaving with every member accounted for.

[msmcnevertweet]

GHOULBOYS - Where ghosts are real, or not I guess.

GHOULBOYS is a one-shot horror/comedy TTRPG for 3 players. It's about amateur paranormal investigators hunting for ghosts in supposedly haunted locales, interpreting evidence and bullshitting with their friends. I made this one! I love ghost things! Let's talk about them! But first...

Will we finally answer the question... are ghosts real?

Inspired by shows and games like Ghost Files, Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural, Phasmophobia and Most Haunted, you'll play as one of three classes:

The BELIEVER, trying to uncover evidence that the paranormal is real, and detail the nature of the supposed haunting.

The SCEPTIC, who believes that everything has a reasonable explanation, and the idea of ghosts is kinda funny. 

The PRODUCER, who’s recording this whole thing, and looking out for what the other two might miss.

It's a GMless game where you and your two friends fuck around in abandoned buildings with spirit boxes, motion sensors, and turn the gain up on your microphone incredibly loudly to hear what might, maybe have someone saying half a word.

If that sounds cool, it's $5 until the end of the month!

My friends it is time to peer closely at a blurry photo

YES IT'S TIME FOR MORE SELF INDULGENCE BELOW THE CUT.

(Potential) Spoilers for: Ghostwatch and The Blair Witch Project.

Bro bro bro did you see that bro BRO

When I was a teen posessed by the grim specter of an idea known as "Thinking I was a guy", I used to get very stoned and sit in cars with my friends and drive around at night. Being stoned with The Lads was a good way of pretending I wasn't possessed, I guess.

One time we drove to a supposedly haunted stretch of road; the story was that a woman who lived nearby had gone out onto the road late at night and been hit by a car and killed. If you drove along that road at the time of her death, you might see her, wearing the nightgown she died in.

After about an hour of driving up and down the road, we were about to give up. The driver swung into a driveway to turn the car around, and out of the pitch blackness, I saw it. White, twisted, grasping. It was just a flash, but I know what I saw. I screamed, my friends screamed, the tires of the car screamed as they span griplessly on the tarmac for that endless split second before it pulled away.

Yes of course it was a fucking tree. But for at least 5 minutes, we all believed I'd seen her. As plain as day, a dead woman in a nightgown had grasped at me on the other side of the windscreen through the darkness. The real fear lasted seconds. The adrenaline lasted a few minutes. The laughs lasted for a while afterwards.

I don't believe in ghosts. But the idea of them has the power to make us conjure them. We stare at the fuzzy frozen frame of video and think we can see a form, a face. We listen to the overpowering static hum of a shotgun mic pointed into a hallway and swear we hear a voice. We peer into the darkness, and our brains connect the dots we've decided are there. We want to be scared, especially when we can laugh about it afterwards.

It's just the Pipes

If you know the Orson Welles' War of the Worlds radio broadcast, Ghostwatch pulls a similar trick. It's 1992, you've sat down to watch a live TV show doing a "scientific investigation" into a haunted suburban home with Big Name TV News Guy Michael Parkinson, Big Name TV "Robot Wars" Guy Craig Charles, and a bunch of other Big Name TV people I don't really know.

The house is supposedly possessed by a malevolent evil spirit who the homeowners kids call Pipes. They hear banging noises at night, their mom tells them "It's just the pipes." Watch along at home, phone in using the number on your screens with your ghost stories, and you know, just in case you maybe see anything on the footage that we might miss.

It's staged, of course, and staged incredibly. It's very fucking creepy. Kitchy, mundane 90's TV gives way slowly to creeping dread that never seems to stop creeping, eventually arriving at a terminus of full on Blair Witch surrealness. It drew so many complaints from people whose children were turned to traumatised wrecks that it was banned from being broadcast for 10 years.

Probably because the newscaster they saw on TV every day turned, in the course of about half an hour, from this

To this

There's not really many clips on youtube but trust me, it's good. It's slow. Give it a chance, you should watch it.

Josh? Is that you down there?

There's so many jokes about The Blair Witch Project, but that's not because it's bad. I mean, it IS kind of bad, and that's the point. Heather, Josh and Mike are just amateur film makers making a documentary on a shoestring budget, about the mystery of the Blair Witch, the details of which matter little to what happens next. The jokes are attempts by people trying to break the hold the film has on them. But it holds on tight.

It works so well because it's so sparse. The minimal, natural sets, the handheld footage, the we're-not-even-really-acting-I'm-actually-kinda-just-creeped-out performances. The characters talk like convincingly kinda shitty people, deal with getting lost like real people, argue like convincingly scared people. It explains nothing about the greater mystery, cares not for any attempt to make sense of what's going on, all it wants to do is slowly drag you to it's stark, screaming conclusion.

Like many successful horror films, it got a bunch of sequels which I've not seen, and don't care to. It doesn't need them.

Ok but what about real ghosts

There's something about a weird dollar store Trent Reznor and his bros crawling around a tourist spot that makes Ghost Adventures so fun to watch. Trant Reznot is out here shouting at ghosts with his whole chest like "I HEARD YOU DON'T LIKE BIG LIGHTS SHINING IN YOUR FACE HUH", and it's great. When the often questionable "activity" occurs, it's rarely actually spooky in any way, but the deadly serious way with which they describe the mote of light (read: dust particle) moving across the footage that it's endearing.

These shows (Most Haunted, 28 Days Haunted, et al) tend towards having a pseudo "intellectual" angle. Ghost Adventures doesn't care, it's listening to Tool in it's car outside the high school, passing you a joint and saying "Isn't it fucked up that people die, but like, aren't gone, man?" I can't tell if it doesn't take itself too seriously, or if it just doesn't really know how to be serious, but it's good.

Hey there demons, it's me... ya boi

I watched so much god damn Buzzfeed Unsolved through Covid. I watched it until the early hours of the morning, until I'd successfully creeped myself out to the point where I had to run from the living room to the bedroom in the dark to avoid the Texarkana Phantom Killer that my brain had successfully materialised just behind the back of my head.

Somehow Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural - it's sister show focused on.. well, supernatural stuff, and it's successor Ghost Files manages to be both scary, whilst also simultaneously very stupid and funny.

Both Shane and Ryan are always ready to be scared, but they're also both ready to laugh. They have a very endearing camaraderie too, like two kids in class trying to get the each other told off by the teacher, and despite the semi serious presentation, unlike Ghost Adventures they're not precious about trying to make sure you're scared. It invites you laugh and be afraid in equal measure, and it feels natural, especially in the early episodes. If Ryan is freaking out about the Waverly Hills Hospital body chute, it's because.. well.. watch the video? I would absolutely not go down there.

This tension between laughing and screaming drives the show. The balance between spooky-funny and spooky-scary is a delicate one. Ryan and Shane are great at knowing when to tip that balance, one way or the other.

It's easily the single biggest influence on Ghoulboys (I mean, of course it is?) because of this. When playing, you're always caught in this in-between moment that the Ghoulboys themselves do so well. Waiting for something to fall over, the spirit box to speak, the SLS scanner to show a fleeting figure. Whether it's scary or silly, your brain is waiting for it, ready to draw the shapes of ghosts we want to see.

Thank you for coming to my Ghost TED Talk

Man ghost stuff is so good, real or fake. I just wanted to make a funny game that occasionally made you raise your eyebrows and look at each other like "Oh, shit..." and had lots of stupid ghost hunting equipment, and I think it worked out. Thanks for reading.

Again, if you want to check out Ghoulboys, it's $5 until the end of the month. Take a look! There's a video of me and some friends playing it!

[blueskittlesart]

I got into anime because of ohshc, go insane

you have no idea the floodgate you've just opened. i am crazy <3 <3 <3

ouran is fascinating to me. genuinely. because for a lot of western fans (including myself) it was a starter anime. something we watched when we had very little knowledge of the industry or the genres which populated it. and like. with almost any other show that would be fine, but ouran is fundamentally a satire of shoujo romance, a specific anime genre which notably has very little presence in the western market currently, and had almost NO PRESENCE WHATSOEVER when ouran was in its peak popularity. I believe its popularity as a starter anime is mostly due to the fact that it simply happened to be one of the more easily accessible shows for western fans back in the day (it was part of the first wave of anime to be added to netflix iirc and was also almost immediately ripped and uploaded to youtube.) But like, looking back on it, the fact that many people watched ouran with little to no knowledge of anime in general AND the fact that the market was largely oversaturated with shounen while shoujo was relatively inaccessible at the time made it so that many western watchers were essentially missing 90% of the context with which it was meant to be viewed, and i think that DEFINITELY contributed to the way it has sort of fallen out of favor in recent years.

there was a shift around maybe. 2015-16ish or so. when those of us whose introduction to anime was that first wave of netflix translations got old enough to find our old interests cringe. and we started looking for ways to critique them so we could hate them for real reasons instead of just because we hated our middle school selves. and this did lead to a lot of valid and well-deserved critique of the anime that was popular at the time, which i don't necessarily want to diminish, but i think it led to criticism of ouran specifically which stemmed from lack of context and ignored critical portions of the show, which ultimately shifted the widespread perception of it among western fans from "funny comedy romance anime" to "homophobic twincest anime." (yes i am talking about the twincest. sorry but i am going to make you think about this because i never stop thinking about it)

before anyone goes insane i am in no way saying that twincest is not Bad. but what i AM saying is that OURAN WAS ALSO NOT SAYING THAT. this is where the lack of cultural context comes into play I think, because, as mentioned, ouran is satire of a specific genre of romance manga that is very well-known among japanese readers but took much longer to make its way west than shounen did, so a lot of the tropes and jokes that ouran is making fun of read to the untrained western eye as just sort of weird and off-beat. hikaru and kaoru's relationship is one of those things. there is a very real trend among female shoujo fans of fetishizing "forbidden" relationships, whether that be mlm or familial or whatever. because of this, you'd get series that were written about those kinds of relationships catering specifically to people who fetishized them. it's fucking weird. the point that ouran is trying to make with hikaru and kaoru is that IT IS FUCKING WEIRD. hikaru and kaoru are written deliberately as a critique of this trend of fetishization. They canonically play into their peers' fantasies because they enjoy the attention, while underneath it all they have almost no sense of self due to their peers' inability to view them as anything but two parts of a whole. the hitachiins as characters are a deliberate commentary on the way in which fetishization and shipping culture dehumanizes and strips these characters of their identities, reducing them down to entertainment for the girls they cater to. (as a note, i think it's interesting that a lot of the western 'yaoi fangirls' of the first-wave netflix anime era were obsessed with these two. like. girl maybe look at your source material a little bit longer LMAO.) I think suggesting that ouran's handling of hikaru and kaoru is an endorsement of twincest is an insane misunderstanding of the Entire Point Of The Show and it's really unfortunate because i KNOW it puts a lot of people off from watching it in the first place. People fr make it sound like the twincest is fucking pervasive when it literally is not and the whole point is that it sucks and they shouldn't be doing it.

to a lesser extent this weird inability to distinguish satire and endorsement is present in western fans' reactions to other aspects of the show as well. the most notable example i can think of off the top of my head is the way lobelia academy was handled. I vividly remember 2020 tiktok discourse about tamaki's "adam and eve" line as if that wasn't soooo obviously a JOKE AT HIS EXPENSE. lobelia is, again, satire of a specific shojou trope: the evil lesbian. again, a relatively common shojou trope in which a vindictive, man-hating girl tries to get in the way of the main m/f couple because she is in love with the female lead, often by physically harming or incapacitating the male lead. in the context of ohshc, ouran is the high school for the male and female leads and lobelia is the high school for the evil lesbians. there are definitely still some valid critiques of the way that the lobelia girls are written, but the amount of people who are just like. absolutely convinced that bisco hatori must be a huge lesbophobe for writing a blatantly obvious satirical critique of a lesbophobic trope is insane to me. also tamaki's adam and eve line was funny as fuck sorry i <3 homophobes

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

Hello!

So I started watching ROTTMNT a few weeks ago despite my only exposure to the Ninja Turtles being a single scene of a 90's live-action movie when I was maybe 5 because the turtles started repeatedly appearing in my dreams, and my brother informed me this was the universe telling me I need to watch the turtles.

In any case, I have now become hyperfixated. Could I request platonic ROTTMNT turtle boys with a reader who is a biting insect magnet? It doesn't matter if the bug usually feeds on humans or not, the reader's blood is, for whatever reason, sweet, sweet nectar to all manner of biting insects, to the point that even max strength bug repellant doesn't always work to keep the bugs away; so reader is always getting bitten up by all nearby biting insects. To make matters worse, reader is mildly allergic to the itch juice bugs inject when they bite, and gets huge, swollen, itchy rashes from bug bites that itch for several weeks. (Reader is also an avid herper—someone who enjoys catching and releasing wild reptiles and amphibians, a passtime that involves being out and about where bugs are going to be at the times they are most active.)

My first experience with tmnt was the 2012 series when it first came out, I was like 7ish. Didn't Really get into the fandom though untill recently!

Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello and Michaelangelo x reader who's catches lizards and is allergic to bug bites

Raph

★ Whoo boy. He is so scared that you are going to get bitten by a oozesquitoe. It's not even funny. Anytime you're remotely near one he's pulling out Donnie's emergency hazmat suit (More on that later)

★ He urges you to where long sleeves and pants when you go out. Actually really likes the lizards that you catch. His favorite lizard native to New York is the coal skink because it looks a little red in the right lighting.

★ Raph's worried about your health, but that's just how he is. He will always be a bit worried about your health. Its actually pretty sweet. But please put a bandaid over the bigger bites so that he doesn't fret.

Leo

★ Leo, being the ever so intelligent person he is, decides that you're the perfect bait to catch oozesquitoes. Fortunately he is quickly shut down by his brothers the moment he voices his clearly perfect idea.

★ He keeps more than a few bottles of benadryl around the lair. Allergic reactions to bug bites wasn't something he knew about before meeting you. He's well stocked for whenever you get attacked by bugs.

★ Yes, he tried to cut a mosquito in half with his ōdachi. No, it didn't work. His weapon got stuck in a log because he put to much force into the swing.

★ He might get a little jealous over the lizards. Especially if you start talking to them. "look at you, handsome little guy!" And "oh, you have beautiful coloration" all prompt his jealousy. "Why don't you talk to me like that :'("

Donnie

★ Your blood seems to be irresistible to blood-eating insects, bug spray or not. His quite perplexed by the whole situation. Are you sure you used bug spray and not sunscreen?

★ His fear over you getting bitten by an oozesquitoe mixed with his tendency to plan things out in advanced led him to make a emergency hazmat suit for you in the turtle tank.

★ The amount of times he's had to put calamine lotion on you because you had gotten bit by bugs is way too high. To be blunt, he thinks you should stop trying to catch random lizards. Or at the very least cut down on it.

★ But then again, the look on your face when you catch a lizard and show him it is really cute. Especially when you explain to him what species it is and where it likes to hide during the day.

Mikey

★ Knows next to nothing about lizards, which is surprising because he's a reptile. If you have any books on wildlife he would like to borrow them to read up on New York's reptile population.

★ When you get bad allergic reactions he brings you to Leo. He would carry you but he probably can't because he is smol. Mikey loves animals but he doesn't love mosquitoes because of the effect they have on you.

★ He joins you whenever you try to catch lizards. Mikey loves to give the lizards you catch different names. Whenever you go out he brings a jar of dehydrated mealworms for whatever creature you catch.

[childotkw]

Harry reaching over to Tom, who immediately flinches In a habit he hasn't broken, and then pausing before asking "Do I have permission to pat your head?" Which Tom has never been asked before if it's okay to touch him and blinking up at the camp counselor before saying no just to see what will happen. Harry nods and leaves. This Goes on 3 more times before Tom realizes Harry never touches him without permission.

He doesn't even tell him it's strange how much physical touch makes Tom's skin crawl. What is he up to?

(Harry meanwhile forgets the era's idea of mental/emotional health is really far behind and he is one of the few adults to acknowledge their emotions)

Harry realising that if knowledge of mental health and its importance is bad in the 90s / 00s than it's fucking atrocious in the 40s.

He clocks Tom as having some kind of PTSD and some offshoot of survivor's guilt that internalised to the point where Tom thought immortality was the way to go. Suddenly all the funny thoughts he's had about teaching Tom empathy gain a whole new, far darker meaning.

Tom, for his part, is confused at why Harry is such an advocate for them sharing their feelings and respecting each other's boundaries and learning how to positively release negative emotions.