#there are other songs in her playlist like youre not coming home tonight and heavy storm by first aid kit that fit too but those are

[smallest-turtle]

if you want a fun little insight to the vibes of brandon's relationship with his sister you can listen to leaf pile by the front bottoms, i feel exhausted by everyone everywhere, cao dai blowout by the mountain goats, and the pull by now, now . on loop. :)

[forthelostones]

inna good way ─── ⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚🍸 fem!reader x college!ellie 🍸⋆୨୧˚ ⋆ ˚｡

" 'cus you make me wanna cry in a good way"

synopsis: it was the day before graduation and your ex-best friend threw a party. you visit and see if there's something left.

warnings. 18+ (mdni); soft ellie, fluff(?), suggestive language, jealousy, abby ft, smoking/drinking, mentions of insecurities, & grinding. sfw!!!

an: hi everyone, thanks for all the love on my other works! that means a lot to me, make sure if you like my writing to make suggestions! (p.s. i'm drinking wine & missing uni sooo)

(no y/n)

♪ playlist: palace/curse, i. the party, in a good way, 2 AM . ♪

#normalgirlsyndrome

wc: 3.1k

you were staring at your phone at the edge of your mattress in your college apartment. boxes had been packed, the bed once in a frame on the floor, and your gown hung over your closet door. you knew ellie was throwing a party tonight at her house and you couldn’t refuse the opportunity to go. although you didn’t have a choice because your roommates insisted you had one last night together. so, before you taped up your boxes, you pulled out your traditional going outfit, ready to hit it one last time. you were already tipsy from the four glasses of white wine you inhaled while doing your makeup. you tapped through ellie’s story ferociously over and over. she had been posting videos of her smoking a joint and playing beer pong, waiting for people to show.  you couldn't help but smile at her sweet face.

you felt a twist in your stomach as you thought about seeing her again. of course you had seen her around campus and waved, but things had gotten more awkward than you’d both admit. the relationship turned dry but you remember the touches of her hands on those random “dates” that she refused to acknowledge. they were so sweet and soft, you yearned for more, especially the nights when you were alone touching yourself in your bed wishing it were her. she refused that she had any feelings for you after a seldom walk near the lake where the stillness of the water was louder than her lack of words. “I just thought we’d be better as best friends lovey,” she told you. her mouth said one thing but her eyes said another, you were sure she was lying. you saw her around with dina, her on-and-off girlfriend, wondering what she had that you didn’t. you picked yourself apart one random date ago while you cried and stared at her photos on instagram. you found yourself reopening those wounds as you began to head for the door. 

the smell of sweating bodies and weed cause your lungs to tighten, forcing a cough out of your throat. your heart became tight at the thought of seeing her, you couldn’t quite place why. so many memories flood your head — remembering the sound of her guitar trilling through the night on her back porch, where she sang your favorite songs to you. her fingers meticulously tracing the guitar's neck, making it perfect for you. you fell into the corner you typically shove yourself into, as your friends handed you a red cup with a clear liquid that smelled like tequila. 

you took it straight, not caring about the consequences. your throat burned with sweet satisfaction, once the liquor dropped into your belly, you felt sweat bulb to your top lip. they handed you another, this time with a lime, and you noticed abby, the captain of the rugby team eyeing you. this wouldn’t have been the first time you caught her staring. you flutter your heavy lashes in her direction as you bite your lower lip ever so slightly. abby was attractive, she was fit beyond belief and you could imagine the type of positions she could put you in with no effort. she started making a stride towards you in her all black ensemble. 

a text hits your home-screen, it’s ellie.

come smoke. 

you ignore the message as abby comes beaming with a smile. 

“hey pretty.” she muttered. 

i know you’re here come onnnn. 

ellie knew you only smoked with her, she wouldn’t ask you otherwise. so, you grab abby by the hand and grin right back at her. “you wanna come smoke with me?” you ask, not really giving her a choice. 

was your intent to make ellie jealous… no… but yes, because you were only just friends. abby follows your lead naturally towards the back patio glimmering brightly ahead. you both slip past the kitchen, through the sliding doors where ellie is chatting with her roomates, and you wave at her. she’s not blitzed yet, so she has a smug look on her face when she sees abby. her twisted face is illuminated by the fairy lights gleaming softly around the perimeter of the porch. 

“hey els," abby says. 

“hi you.” you said, reaching directly for the blunt in her hand. 

her eyes scan your body, she loved when you wore that outfit, as you bent down she snuck a look at your breast, clearly spilling out of your top. abby sits in the wooden lawn chair just parallel of ellie and you perch yourself in her lap, her hands automatically coming around your waist. they were bigger than they seemed and you felt a heat patch warm your core. ellie could never hide her facial expressions, she attempted to not turn to look, instead, she turned her chair. 

beer?” she asks abby. 

“yes please. thanks.” abby replies. 

“make me something.” you demand. 

ellie sets her jaw and moves slowly into the kitchen past a herd of people. you bring the blunt to your lips, sucking in, holding, then exhaling away from abby’s face. she was watching you intently, noticing how your lips puckered. you turn to her and place it between her lips, she coughed violently as the smog entered her lungs.

“aw. sorry, I didn't—“   

“nope it's,” she said with her thick throat. “never got to smoke because of rugby.” 

you just hit her with an understanding face as you shift on her lap. her left hand moves to rest on your inner thigh and her other just at the curve of your ass as you perch closer into her. you face the joint and grab her cheeks, blowing smoke into her mouth, she inhales softly, both of your lips practically touching. you’d never give her the satisfaction as you noticed her hips pressing your backside.

ellie stood behind you both, holding a can of beer and a cocktail glass filled with your drink. you handed off the joint and took both in your hands. ellie noticed how close abby’s hands were to your crotch and became red with jealousy. ellie looked you in your eyes as she pushed out smoke from between her lips. as you sipped your Ellie concoction, abby’s hands trailed up your back under your top, she pulled you in closer to her chest as she whispered in your ear. “you’re so fucking hot.” 

you giggle at her praises but feel a knot form in your stomach as you keep unwavering eye contact with ellie’s as Abby continues to spout praises. you press down harder in her lap where she thrusted upwards into your ass. 

“so, you guys ready to graduate?” ellie interrupted, seeing how flustered you got. 

you sipped to avoid speaking as abby turned her head to answer ellie.

“yes. i’m thinking about backpacking around Asia for a bit.” 

“really? i’ve always wanted to do —“ 

“since when?” ellie cuts you off in a fiery spit. 

abby coughs and sips her beer in a gulp, finishing it all. 

“need another?” you ask. 

abby nods kindly and gently pats your ass as you get up. ellie passes the blunt to abby and follows you inside to go to the drink fridge in the basement. you know she’s following you, you can practically feel her breath on your neck as you zig-zag toward the steps. you reach the bottom of the basement stairs and see ellie’s silhouette at the top. you try and reach for the string near the lightbulb but can’t find it, your heart beats loudly in your ears as ellie’s converse tap towards you. she stands right in front of you, without saying a word, you can smell her shampoo mixed with weed, and she reaches up to turn the light on. you look at her light pink eyes, and furrowed brows, and notice her heaving. 

for a moment you both just stand in thick silence. 

“i have to get abby a beer.” you felt your feet become heavy and your mind drifted. 

before you could even open the refrigerator door an inch, she slams it shut. her eyebrows raise in curiosity. 

“speak.” you demand. 

taken aback, she gasps at your boldness. “well—I— what the fuck?” 

you shove past her and take another beer in your hands ignoring her dropped jaw. 

“you come to my party, rubbing up on that bitch, sitting in her lap… wha-when has that ever been like you?” 

“are you the only one allowed to have fun?” 

she froze, as abby called out.

“hey, you okay?” 

her voice was so protective, you felt her gaze down at the top of the stairs, making sure ellie didn’t do anything stupid. 

“i’m fine, ellie was helping me with something. i’ll be up.” 

you tried to convince abby, but she still stood watching, which made ellie twitch with anger. 

“i’m going to go to the bathroom pretty.” abby finally says leaving. 

“okay!” you yell out. 

“if you go, please don’t…” she babbled. 

you liked seeing her so weak for you, but it wasn’t enough. you stood your ground and dared to move past her, but she stopped you by grabbing your wrist. “ellie get off of me.” 

you felt the wine and weed settle in, you were sweating, panting, and fingertips buzzing. her touch felt so good, you couldn’t deny that. 

“pretty.” she mocked. 

At least someone sees it, you thought. 

                                                                                  — 

you officially lost Abby, she must’ve left or found someone else to caress. you didn’t mind, deep down you knew that’s not who you really wanted anyway. as you sipped a lone beer and wandered around the house your high was kicking in and the music entered your ears in a blur. no words were clear, just the bass booming on the hardwood creating a vibration under you. you reach the end of the hallway, where ellie’s room door stood. it seemed taller than usual, more daunting, stretching several feet upwards. you actually had never been in her room before; you saw it on her stories, or on facetime, but never in person. as you reached for the cold, gold knob you pause. 

you hear ellie’s laugh boom from behind you, so you follow it like sonar. you see her taking shots with her bandmates and you watch as her t-shirt lifts up ever so slightly to expose her naval. you wanted to know what it tasted like. her feet wobbled underneath her, and she was tipsy. you blink your eyes several times as you find a wall to lean on, and your hand travels back down the hall to open the big, scary door. you creep inside, it’s dark, but in the corner is a small desk lamp that illuminates a yellow hue onto the room. her bed was on the floor, room unpacked, shit was all on the floor, and her guitars were perched in the left corner of the room. to the right was her bathroom, you saw your reflection and had to focus to see your face. your eyes pink, lips wet, and body warm. you sipped more beer as you turned to her shower, you imagined ellie’s naked body, the way she rubbed the bar of soap around her neck, nipples, and in between. 

you went to sit on Ellie’s bed, you began to roll yourself in her messy, undone bedding. her smell was so thick, bruising your nostrils, filling you up. you remember how she treated you when dina was around and you became more pissed off. you swallowed the last drops of your drink and threw the bottle on the ground. warm tears began to bud and then you realized how your mascara would run down your cheeks. you pulled out your phone to check the damage. 

lets talk, im sorry. 

ellie’s message from two hours ago, you freeze, it’s been two hours? you bring your palms to your forehead and let out a soft sob. 

“i’ll be back, yea!” ellie hollers from the hallway. 

you straighten up immediately, she walks in hand in her hair, surprised to see you. 

“oh.” she says softly. 

you couldn’t help but sigh. you set your phone down on the ground and look up at her, she had a slight smile on her face seeing you like this, not knowing you were on the verge of tears just now. she closes the door behind her, bends down, and lifts your chin up. 

“you’re gone.” she giggles. 

you push her hand away and turn your face. 

“let me take care of you, come on. it’s the least I can do,” 

the softness in her voice shook you. 

“did you get my text lovey?” 

all you can muster is a nod as you begin to scoot towards the head of her bed.  

“why don’t you just, get comfortable, i’ll get you something to throw on.” 

she rummages loud through her boxes, which makes your head pound, and tosses you a clean, grey zip-up. she leaves the room quietly, flicking on the light in the bathroom and closing the door after she clicks off the table lamp. you remove your jeans and top, leaving you in your lace panties.

your head is pounding as you become more intoxicated by the scent of her earthy shampoo lingering on her pillow. you inhaled the familiar scent, imagining your hands running through her hair, pulling her closer to your neck. the door opens and you jolt as you remember you never put on the zip-up. 

“I’m sorry— I,” ellie gulps as she spills the glass of water she brought for you onto herself. you roughly zip yourself into the warmth that smelt like her laundry detergent. 

“i’m good.” you mutter. 

you both share a familiar laugh, and her gaze becomes shifty as she thinks about your body. she hands you a half-full glass of cold water with a nervous smile. 

“glass half full, right?” 

you sip and chuckle. 

stupid, fucking stupid Els, she thinks. 

she sits beside you at the opposite end of the bed, she ignores the fact that she can see your thighs unhindered by any fabric not obstructing her view. even though it was dark, she could still see you illuminated by the bathroom light. 

“good, urm,” she peered down at her now sheer shirt. “i will go and get ready for bed.” 

her nipples were suddenly erect from the cold water spreading onto her chest. You couldn’t help but notice them perk from under the thin, wife-pleaser material. she stood up to grab her night clothes and head for the bathroom, leaving you smothered in darkness. you couldn’t tell if your eyes were open or not, but the four walls that you imagined around you spun. 

you heard the water from the shower turn on and your fantasy brightened, thinking about ellie’s body. you became more drunk on the image of ellie touching herself in the shower because of you. knowing how intently she was watching you grind against abby, not only did it make her furious, it turned her on. she knew she made a mistake, picking dina over you all these years. you push your hips upwards, riding the mattress, inhaling ellie’s scent.

you found her name leave your lips softly, Ellie.

Ellie. 

you couldn’t tell the difference between your voice and your subconscious desire of moaning her name. you began to imagine her holding you.

Ellie. 

“lovey, you okay?” she said frightening you. 

you paused, realizing she opened the bathroom door, drying her hair on a towel. Her grey boxers clung to her body so sweetly. she wore a distressed band tee that sat just above her belly button. you had formed sweat around your hairline and your body perfectly contoured into the mattress. 

“i’m okay. yea, thanks.” 

she sighed as she bent down to sit at the edge of the bed. as she dried her hair she was thinking of the next move to make. you were bunched up under yourself, warm from embarrassment. her hand wrapped around your ankle gently, which shocked you, but your reaction time was too slow. she leaned over to kiss your leg, kisses feeling like a pure electric shock, you groaned at finally feeling her touch. 

“els.” you managed to say.

“what?” She said in between kisses, finally coming up the side of your thigh, with her left hand coasting up your backside. 

“no. i can’t.” 

your body pushes her hands away, startling her. she looked at you in pure shock, as if you were the one who was wrong. she crawled towards you with undeniable lust in her eyes. 

“why not?” she asked dumbfounded. 

“you rejected me all this time. you… dina…” you say attempting to jog her memory. 

“dina and i so what.” she moved an inch on all fours. 

“you chose her over me, so that’s that.” 

“baby,” she groaned. 

you melt at her voice, you couldn’t help it. 

" okay, i was scared. scared to disappoint you, I’m not… I’m not sure how to be in a relationship. dina was fun, easy, she didn’t care. I wanted you, I just- 'm so fucking dumb,” she rambled.  

you grimaced at her name, you had grown so spiteful of her that even the mention of her made you tense. ellie was now in your bubble, she laid her head on the pillow beside you, and sincerity filled her eyes. 

“you could’ve told me that. you know that I was your best friend ellie.” 

she flinches at her own name. “I know, I know.” she muttered as she tucked her hand behind your neck and leaned in to kiss you. her lips were pillowy and wet, better than anything you’ve ever felt. she swiped the bottom of your lip entering her tongue inside your mouth. you groan at the taste of her and her huffing as she pushes deeper into your mouth. your hands drift to her waist and you pull your leg up over her body, pulling her closer. 

your hands travel up her back into her scalp. she pulls away and pierces your pupils, she meant everything she said, you saw it. “i’m sorry lovey, i was just scared.” she added. 

you could only force out a hmm.

"please forgive me?" she says, pecking your neck slowly with staccato kisses.

her tongue swirls up the side of your neck and wraps around your lobe as she pleads, "please." desperately pushing up against you.

and for a moment you consider forgiveness.

[thewordswewrite]

Lonely Is Our Lives

Chapter 1 - Wild Side

Pairing | Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

!!VERY IMPORTANT A/N!! | I want to preface this by saying I DO NOT condone Billy’s actions throughout the series. I DO NOT condone his violence or abuse, ESPECIALLY against Lucas but also including Max and the others. At the time season two came out in 2017, nearly FIVE years ago at the time I'm writing this, I was very angry and frustrated at the world, resentful of a younger sibling, and disconnected from the people around me so I kind of latched onto Billy as a character and what he represented. I absolutely DID NOT understand what his actions against Lucas truly meant and I DID NOT register it as the racism it was. Knowing what I know now I've decided to write a fic where Billy is able to let go of some of his anger and have someone there to check him and his actions in order to set him on a better path. I wrote this for me as a bit of a redemption fic for both of us.

Playlist | Link | Chapter One: Songs 1-4

Summary | One fateful 1983 night you narrowly escape death on Steve Harrington’s property while Barbara Holland is presumed dead. Left jaded and angry, you carry on towards your senior year in a haze of sex, drugs, and alcohol just to get through the day. But, when Billy Hargrove moves to Hawkins, Indiana during the fall of 1984 things get worse before they get better.

Warnings | explicit language, angst, abusive parents, smut 18+ minors DNI, heavy drug and alcohol usage

W/C | 3.3k

A/N | I 100% understand if Billy is not a character for you and you hate him but I’m finally in a place in my life where I feel like I can write him as someone other than an angry, abusive asshole. This isn’t all sentiment tho cause Dacre Montgomery is a gorgeous human being and I did immediately think he was unnecessarily attractive. He doesn't end up perfect but he’s not horrible. -Smoe

|Masterlist|  |Chapter Two|  |Chapter Three|  |Chapter Four|  |Chapter Five|

Beer and sweat overwhelmed you as you stepped into Tina’s house. The place was a blur of half-assed Halloween costumes and booming music. Immediately, you felt your face twisting into a grimace; parties like this weren’t really your scene, not anymore. Last year, though? You’d be eating this shit up. And it wasn't because of the drugs, or the alcohol, or the sex because you still partook, heavily and often. No, it was because you could genuinely say you hated the majority of Hawkins High’s population; nothing they cared about felt like it mattered anymore.

You hadn't meant to see what you did but being in the wrong place at the wrong time can screw over anyone. All you’d done was go to one stupid party at Steve Harrington’s house and decided to sit with Barbara Holland when she slit her hand open trying to shotgun a beer. At the time. you thought her mildly pathetic and increasingly awkward as the space between Steve and her ‘best friend’ got smaller. Now all you could muster was regret.

You tried. You really, really tried, but one slash of that…thing’s claws and you couldn't hold onto her. Your arms ached and blood gushed from where it had dug into your flesh, through muscle, and close to bone. Barb was dead and you were bleeding out next to Steve Harrington’s pool as he and Nancy Wheeler had sex inside. The only reason you’d survived was that you finally screamed loud enough for one of them to hear and call an ambulance. You were in the hospital for almost two weeks before you could go home and now, almost a year later, you were left with five jagged scars stretching about an inch from your jugular, down your shoulder, and onto your chest. The official story was a bear attack. What a fucking joke.

Since then, you’d gotten close to Steve and Nancy which was the entire reason you’d come tonight. Steve had wanted to ‘pretend like we’re stupid teenagers’ and you’d decided to play along. So here you were dressed as Sarah Conner from The Terminator, drinking stale beer and third-wheeling for the happy couple. Nancy was already going hard, cup after cup but Steve managed to wrangle her over to stand with you where you were chainsmoking by the window.

“You having fun there, Nance?” You asked with a chuckle.

“So much!” She smiled but her eyes were sad, a look the both of you had mastered well.

Steve smiled, oblivious, and kissed her. He then looked over to you and raised his eyebrows, finally remembering you were there and passed you a beer. “How-uh, how bout’ you? Talk to anyone yet?” He asked, searching your face with concern.

“Getting around to it. Just gonna finish this and I'll be out there!” You gestured at him with the beer and smiled sarcastically.

“You said you’d try,” Steve deflated. “I’m trying, Nancy’s trying. Why can’t you?”

“Yeah,” Your laugh was hollow as you took a drag of your cigarette. “She’s trying real hard.” Steve opened his mouth to argue but looked over at his girlfriend staring off at the bustle of people and frowned.

A boy clad in leather and a mullet caught your eye as he pushed his way through the crowd, but his eyes weren’t on you, they were on Steve. Tommy H trailed behind him and wrapped his arm around The Terminator’s shoulder. The two of them stopped in front of your group and stared down Steve.

Tommy clapped the new kid on the back and smiled. “We got ourselves a new Keg King, Harrington!”

“Yeah, that’s right!”

“Eat it, Harrington!”

You watched as Nancy rolled her eyes and walked off, leaving Steve to gape at the offenders before locking eyes with you. “I’ll be back, or…just find us if you feel like it.” With that, he went after her and left you alone. The taller boy scoffed and looked away, shaking his head.

“So! Looks like we match, Keg King,” You smiled sarcastically and blew your eyes wide. The boy looked back at you with disinterest and mild anger as he smoked but his eyes gave you a once over and his body language began to shift.

“This here is Billy,” Tommy smiled and introduced you. Billy, seemingly perturbed by Tommy’s hand still latched onto his shoulder, shook him off.

“Billy…?” You lead on, sipping your beer.

Billy’s face broke out in a grin and he flicked his tongue out to wet his lips. “Hargrove. Billy Hargrove, sweetheart,” His mood took a complete 180° and yours only grew worse.

“You dethroned ol’ Stevie, huh?” Your voice was bored and you leaned on the wall behind you as you finished off your cigarette, soaking in the last fleeting scent of clove that cut through the musk of the room. Billy angled his body towards Tommy and with a jerk of his head sent him on his way, his stare never straying from you.

“Guilty,” He was still smiling as he stuck a Marlboro Red between his lips and lit it with his zippo. You returned his smile ruefully and couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his arrogance. As if being Keg King fucking mattered. Charm was rolling off this kid in waves and you couldn't help but feel suffocated. “So, did you come here with a Terminator or just Risky Business?”

You plucked the cigarette from his lips and put it between your own, “No Arnold to come and whisk me onto the dancefloor. As for Risky Business? Well, it seems they’re a bit occupied at the moment.” You couldn’t blame Steve and Nancy for your shitty night, not really, but you were still left out to dry no matter how much Steve had tried to assure you you wouldn't be. Hell, Nancy had even admitted to you that she didn’t want to be there but was doing it for Steve and you still managed to be pushed aside.

“This King Steve I’ve been hearing so much about doesn’t seem to live up to his reputation,” Billy leaned closer, invading your space as you smoked his cigarette. His forearm rested on the wall next to your head, his face mere inches from yours.

You took advantage of the proximity and exhaled your drag into his face. “Well, you seem to be living up to yours,” His eyes fluttered closed as the smoke ghosted across his face. 

When he opened them again, you were greeted by those baby blues you were sure others had fallen over themselves for. “Which is?” You quickly searched his eyes, finding nothing you hadn’t seen before. Adrenaline, lust, rage: nothing special. Yet somehow you’re still disappointed as if he could've been different. The same. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught your friends storming through the crowd.

With a small sigh, you push off the wall Billy had you nearly boxed against, forcing him back. “Well, as fun as it's been, King Billy,” You paused, finally breaking eye contact to look around the room. “I must be off. You understand, right? Responsibilities and all.” You gestured in the direction of Steve and a very drunk Nancy, arguing by the punch bowl as you lazily walked away.

You approached them, watching as Steve tried to pull a cup of punch from Nancy’s hands. Before you could even open your mouth to speak, the cup went flying and Nancy’s pristine white outfit was covered in stark red.

You grabbed Nancy as she stumbled back. “Woah, hey, Nance, let's go to the bathroom and get you cleaned up, yeah?” You lead her to the bathroom, Steve trailing behind you with his head hung low. Once you got inside, Nancy wet a hand towel and started a futile effort to remove the stain.

“Nance, I'm sorry,” Steve tried, running a hand through his hair.

You continued to watch in pity as Nancy failed to remove the punch from her shirt. “That’s not coming off, Nance.” You tried to take the towel from her but she pulled away roughly.

“It’s coming,” She grunted. In the year you’d known them you had never seen Nancy get even close to drunk so her volatile mood surprised you.

Steve sighed clearly put out. “Come on. Let us take you home, okay? Come here,” Nancy struggled against his hold. “Let me take you home.” You rolled your eyes at his lovesick tone.

“You want-, you wanted this,” She slurred, eyes droopy as they looked up at Steve.

“No, I didn’t want this. I told you to stop drinking.” Steve’s voice was trying to keep the conversation light but the mood stayed heavy. The three of you bickered often but never had it felt so serious.

“It's… bullshit. Bullshit.” Nancy looked sullen and your rigid stance softened at her doe-eyed stare.

“It's not bullshit, Nance,” You tried rubbing her arm but she slapped you off. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise and you felt your face begin to heat in anger.

“Bullshit!” 

Steve shook his head, “No, It's not bullshit, Nancy.”

“No, you. You’re bullshit! Both of you.” She pointed between the two of you with a shaky hand.

You could see Steve’s heart crack just as his voice did. “W-What?”

But you were livid. “What the hell, Nancy.”

Her eyes were empty, looking at her boyfriend. “You’re pretending like everything’s okay. You know, like we didn't…like we didn't kill Barb,” Nancy’s voice broke and she turned her attention to you. “And you were only there to get drunk and fuck! You almost died and you still haven’t changed at all.”

You’d changed. You’d changed more than either of them had even tried. Before, nothing really mattered to you; people were meant to be sucked dry of their worth and thrown aside at your desire before you didn’t care. You had worked and actively tried to be better. If not for yourself then at least for Barb. Because that’s what she deserved: better.

You leaned over and trapped her against the sink. “I get that she was your friend and you’re drunk,” Your eyes narrowed at her, “But you’re dancing on a fine line right now Wheeler.”

Steve shoved you off of Nancy and regained his spot in front of her. “Everything can be okay, Nancy.”

She laughed and looked away. “Yeah, like, it's great. Like we’re in love and we’re-, we’re partying,” Her voice began to soften and tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. “Yeah, let’s party, huh? Party. We’re partying. This is bullshit.” 

“‘Like we’re in love’?” Steve’s voice was barely above a whisper as he took Nancy’s face in his hands. The sight was stomach-turning even for you.

“It’s bullshit.”

“You don’t love me?”

“It’s bullshit,” Nancy reaffirmed. 

Steve’s eyes steeled and he pushed past you and Nancy. “Steve, wait-,” You tried but he didn't listen, leaving the room and slamming the door shut behind him.

Nancy turned back to the mirror and began scrubbing at her shirt again. “You go too. Go party. Have sex, do drugs. It’s all bullshit.”

You laughed, hard and fast. “Come tomorrow, Wheeler, you’ll be real sorry for this.”

Nearly shoulder-checking her, you followed Steve out the door. Your blood was hot with anger as you made your way back into the crowd and your eyes landed on Jonathan Byers talking to some goth chick. Good enough.

“Byers!” You shouted and he whipped towards you. “You’re here for Nancy, right?”

“I, uh,” He stuttered but you didn’t have the patience for that.

You rolled your eyes and held a hand up to silence him. “Yes or no?”

“Yes!”

“She’s in the bathroom drunk off her ass and dead set on ruining all her relationships tonight. Take her home.” You threw your thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the bathroom and stalked towards the punch bowl. 

Fuck it. If she wanted you to party, you’d party.

“What’s in this?” You asked a toga-clad boy.

“Pure fuel! Pure! Fuel!” The boy screamed and you shrugged, satisfied.

Drink after drink you kept dipping your cup into the bowl until you felt your senses go fuzzy, your mood starting to turn. You felt a smile pull itself onto your face and you broke your way into the crowd searching for a distraction. For your Terminator. When you found him,  he was holding another girl close, smoking in her face, and swaying to the music. Determinately, you tapped on the girl’s shoulder and leaned down to her level. 

“Mind if I cut in?” The girl turned, at first in protest, but when her eyes locked with yours, her mouth snapped shut. She mustered a glare at you before walking off.

You laced your hands around Billy’s neck, almost challenging him to push you off. After a few moments, his hands found your hips and you leaned into them, letting him guide you to the thrum of the music. You let yourself succumb to the atmosphere and closed your eyes, leaning your head up towards the ceiling. Billy pulled you flush against him and you finally opened your eyes to find yourself once again staring into the crystal clear blue ocean of Billy Hargrove and you think, maybe you can see why people would fall over themselves for him.

His tongue flicked out over his lips, a habit you took notice of. “What made you change your mind, sweetheart?”

“It’s all bullshit anyway, isn't it?” Your breath coasted over his face in such proximity. “So, fuck it, let's party,” You didn’t give him time to respond before you were surging forward and clashing your lips together. Nothing about the kiss was soft, not your chapped lips or the scruff of his mustache; it was full of anger and need. His fingers were gripped in your hair and you were practically grinding in the middle of the packed room until you pulled away, both of you heaving in breaths.

He didn’t even utter a word when suddenly Billy was pulling you along through the crowd, weaving left and right around drunken teenagers and out of the house towards his Camaro. A flash of California caught your attention as you went around to the passenger side of the car. Filing that away for later, you climbed in the back seat as soon as it was open and met his lips with your own when both the doors were finally closed. His hands held your face as yours worked on undoing his belt, quickly loosening the buckle and moving on to unbutton his jeans.

“Help me with mine,” You panted.

You didn’t need to change. Sex and drugs were good.

He helped guide your jeans down as you shimmied your hips to get them over your ass and down your legs. He then moved to the hem of your shirt and panic flared in your chest before you stopped him.

“Don’t bother, we won't be here that long.”

Billy scoffed but dropped his hand. “You sound so sure.”

“I am,” You smiled at his annoyance and kissed along his jaw, swinging your leg over his hips, and settling on his lap. You rolled your body atop Billy’s to the beat of the bass inside and relished in the moan you coaxed out of him as you sucked a hickey into the soft skin of his neck, right over his pulse point. Billy’s fingers soon found themselves slipping past the elastic of your lacy underwear and down to your clit, where he moved them in tight circles, eliciting a surprised gasp from you. He kissed you soundly, tongue painting the inside of your mouth when he reached his fingers down even lower and into your awaiting entrance, drawing out a long broken moan from your lips.

“Billy, I need more,” You demanded.

Hastily, Billy removed his fingers from inside you and leaned forward, cradling the small of your back. Opening his dash, he pulled out a strip of condoms and tore one off. He freed himself from his jeans and rolled the condom on before shoving your underwear to the side and sinking you down onto him. The car filled with moans as you both moved in tandem, each selfishly chasing after your own orgasm. One of your hands was occupied rubbing frantic circles into your clit and the other was tangled into Billy’s curls holding his mouth against yours as you kissed. He moaned into your mouth before pulling his head away to look down at where the two of you met.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” His hands were kneading the flesh of your hips, holding you firmly and forcing you to move at the vicious speed he set. You felt the dull ache of where his fingers would definitely leave bruises but you couldn't find it in yourself to care when you had left at least three prominent hickeys higher on his neck than you knew he could conspicuously cover.

“Don’t stop, don't-, harder…please!” You moaned, too close for Billy to even think of slowing down. Spurred on by your cries, he complied, picking you up and plunging you down to meet his forceful thrusts, which grew harder with each passing second.

Your orgasm came quickly, thanks to your deft fingers and Billy’s pace, but he was cumming right along with you not long after, his hips snapping up into you and stuttering into a stop as his breath labored. The car was quiet other than the sound of your combined heaving and musty with the smell of sex. Your vision was hazy with pleasure when you lifted yourself off of him and pulled your underwear off to clean yourself up. You threw the dirtied lace at Billy’s chest and huffed at his confused stare.

“Keep 'em. I don't care.” Billy smirked and shoved them in the pocket of his jacket. You raised your eyebrows, not expecting the action.

 “For later,” He explained. You’d thrown them at him more to try and crack at his fuck-all persona, not for him to actually take but you didn't mind. He wasn't the only guy in Hawkins with a pair of your underwear.

With practiced ease, you put your jeans back on and fixed your hair in the reflection of the window, only to find Billy staring at you, one hand behind his head and the other holding a lit cigarette. You stared at him, contemplating whether to take out your own cigarettes. After smoking most of them just trying to get through the night, you only had four left in the carton. It’s a party.

“Fuck it.” You pulled your pack from where it was kept safe in your bra and licked your lips, sticking one of them in your mouth and savoring the taste of clove. These were a treat. Billy leaned over and lit your cigarette with his own burning one.

“Thought King Steve had Wheeler and you wrapped around his dick,” Billy probed, adjusting himself to look at you.

“Steve doesn't even have Nancy wrapped around his dick,” Stretching across the seat you sighed, rubbing your tired eyes. “And definitely not me. It’s more of a…” You trailed off. Post-sex brain was ready to spill your life story but you were not on the same page. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Oh no, please,” He smirked. “Do tell.”

You shook your head and spun around, preparing to get out of the car. “It’s been nice California but we’ve still got school tomorrow and I'm not trying to be dead on my feet.” In a moment of rash thinking, you surged forward and captured his lips in a kiss, pulling away before he could reciprocate and give his cheek a few playful slaps. 

You opened the car door and stepped out, “Let’s do this again sometime, yeah?” With a final tight smile, you slammed the door shut and strode off back into the house to find Steve to take you home.

[granvarones]

One could talk for hours about the cultural significance of an album like The Velvet Rope: the way its composition and construction provide a direct throughline to the songs and albums soundtracking our current times or how Its accompanying visuals amplify the project’s various moods and tones. There’s a weight to it that albums don’t seem to carry anymore, and it reaches all around the human experience to give you songs for lovemaking, party, and rainy-day playlists alike.

For me, what remains constant is the powerful permission that The Velvet Rope still gives listeners: the permission to explore. Its occupancy of the wondering, interrogating, grey space is what brings it to life and encourages listeners to ask hard-hitting questions of themselves and buckle up for the answers.

As a young kid, it would plant seeds of curiosity in me that with each returning spin grew me into adulthood. Queer adulthood. The Velvet Rope is queer as fuck, you may come to find. That’s my personal interpretation but it’s one that is shared among many listeners and critics. To me, it’s obvious. Janet summons the gays to liberation and the dancefloor on the funky detour “Free Xone” and refuses to switch the gendering on her cover of Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s the Night,” a song that finds her taking a woman’s virginity. She grieves in “Together Again” which would become an anthem to those in our community who we lost to AIDS. The interludes, often overlooked, find Janet peppering in lines from queer-adored films and simulating masturbation while her girlfriend hilariously listens on the phone.

Since Control, we were to understand Janet as a young woman confidently using her voice in a world dominated by men. With The Velvet Rope, I bore witness to a more complicated Janet who was allowing herself to maneuver through the traumas of life (“Together Again,” “What About”), drum up questions and seek out answers (“Empty”), dream in and out love (“Every Time,” “I Get Lonely”) and leverage joy and pleasure (“Go Deep,” “Rope Burn”) as tools in her journey. All these things simultaneously.

I needed to hear that kind of heavy processing as I met, and still meet, the difficulties of the world. That’s why I and so many others still find refuge in it, 25 years since its release. All those loud messages the world sends to play down what makes you different, hide yourself, and quiet your voice sound like hums when Janet’s reminding you that “we’re all born with specialness inside of us” on album closer “Special.”

Never one to sell us a bill of goods, the lacquer of “Special,” meant to send us off on a positive note, abruptly wears, as Janet utters the pointed phrase “Work in progress.” It’s the perfect punctuation for an album that speaks to the complexities of our lives – and queer lives. The exploration that Janet so intimately shares with us on The Velvet Rope proves just how messy life can be but what it also does wonderfully shows how hopeful life can be when you give yourself permission to figure it all out.

Joshua Henry Jenkins (he/him/his) is an interactive media strategist, designer, & organizer of community-based out of Washington, D.C. by way of rural North Carolina. He is currently the Director of Marketing for Theatre Communications Group. He was previously the Director of Web and New Media Strategies at Americans for the Arts. He’s the co-creator of BLACK, GAY, stuck at home as well as the outgoing board chair of the Arts Administrators of Color Network. In service of the communities to which he belongs, he creates and amplifies work that uplifts BIPOC and LGTBQIA+ identifying folks, citizens of rural areas, and most importantly those who exist at those intersections. Joshua received his Master of Arts in Interactive Media from Elon University and his Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

[anaccountnolongerused]

Gone for a Minute - Chapter One

[Bruno Madrigal x Male Reader]

a/n: hello my lovelies, tis myth! my leg hurts but here's your content <3 i'll probably edit this this weekend so heads up on that! chapter 2/part 3 will be out either tonight or tomorrow :)

edit 1: I FORGOT TO MENTION I MADE A PLAYLIST FOR THIS STORY! IT ISNT IN ANY SPECIFIC ORDER OR ANYTHING BUT THESE ARE SONGS THAT I ASSOCIATE WITH THE STORY

prologue link here :)

---

It had been five years since Bruno left. Five years of living without your husband, five years of raising your children without their papá. 

The triplets often asked about him. What he was like, where he is, when he'd be back. You always told them the truth. 

You told them how kind and loving he was, how much he loved all three of them, how he could be shy at times, how he was often nervous to talk to people because of how they perceived his gift. You told them that you don't know where their father is, but you knew he'd be back soon. His words still rang in your ears every day: "I'll only be gone for a minute, promise."

You thought of him as you carried a heavy basket of sweets and fireworks back home from the village. He would've loved to see tonight.

"Tío!" Camilo yelled, noticing your bit of a struggle with the basket. He shapeshifted into you, (which was always a weird sight to see,) and held up the other end. 

"Together!" He yelled. You smiled at your nephew.  

"Thank you, Camilo. Together!"  

Camilo had just recently turned ten years old. When he was little, he had "crowned" you as his favorite uncle. That always seemed to stick.

Even as a five-year-old, after Bruno disappeared, he would shapeshift just to help you with the triplets.   

Finally, you made it back to the house and set the basket on a table.  

 "Thank you, Camilo, you're a big hel-"  

"Camilo! Come help your cousins with the decorating!"  

"Coming, Mami! Bye Tío!" He grinned and ran off, back as himself.  

You couldn't even get through a sentence. That's how important today was.   

You made your way up the stairs, lightly brushing your fingers over the beautiful flowers Isabella put there.   

As soon as you opened the door to the nursery, chaos filled your ears.

"Dad! I can't get this silly dress on right!" 

 "I can't find my glasses, Dad!"  

"How many people are going to be there?"  

"Is Papá coming?"  

"What if we don't get gifts like Mira?" 

You heard a huff from under the covers at the last one. You knew tonight would be hard for your little niece.  

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, mis pequeños!" You chuckled, helping Sofia with her dress.   

"Let's take these one at a time. Mateo, I have your glasses right here. I'm sure most of the village will love to come to see you three, and if you don't get gifts," You sat down on Mirabel's bed. "We will still love you. You're still as special as anyone else." You pulled the covers down below her head and ruffled her hair.  

You pulled Mateo, (who was holding a hairbrush out to you,) into your lap and started to tame his mane of hair. Carlos and Sofia both rambled on about what their gifts may be.   

Mateo was quiet, which wasn't unusual for him, but he seemed different now. He chewed on his lip and held your free hand.  He was just like his Papá.  

"Mateo, mijo," You turned his face towards your own. "You'll do wonderfully. All of you will." 

You kissed the top of his now-fully-brushed brown hair. He smiled and nodded, your words boosting his confidence.  

"I bet mine's going to be the coolest!" Carlos shouted. And just like that, Mateo was chatting with his siblings again.   

All three of them had the same toothy grin, which was so cute that anyone who saw it smiled themselves. They had freckles that spotted their face and arms from playing in the sun; kisses from the rays to compliment their skin.  

You couldn't believe that they were five already. You loved these children with all of your heart, but five years seemed too long. They were still your babies.

"Dad! You never answered if Papá was going to be here!" Sofia told you, crossing her arms over her chest. Little firecracker.  

"I'm not sure, mija," You kissed her cheek. "But I know that if he could, he'd be sitting here with us, so excited to see his babies get their gifts."  

You kissed each of them on the top of their heads and looked them over one last time. Their white and gold outfits, their little smiles, their freckles, their curly hair.   

You sighed happily, barely able to contain your tears.   

"I love you three so, so much." You said, a fatherly smile on your face.   

"I love you too!" They all said in unison, something that happened often with that particular phrase.   

"Wait- Are you crying? Nooo, Dad! Stop!" Carlos wrapped his arms around your neck. The other two followed, wrapping themselves around your arms. It was always awkward to see your dad cry.  

"Uhm... Tío?" The sweet voice of your little niece met your ears. "Casita says that it's time..."   

The three pulled away, nervous once again, until you kissed them all on the cheeks.  

"Thank you, Mirabel. Now, come on, all of you. We don't want to be late, now do we?" You stood and offered your hands out. Carlos took your left, Sofia took your right, and Mateo took Sofia's free hand. 

"Mira?" You called out to her softly. "Aren’t you coming too?"  She visibly brightened at your words and nodded firmly before grabbing Carlos' hand.  

Then, together, you made your way downstairs. 

---

gone for a minute taglist:

@theclashingwaves

@sailor-peeking

[happypopcornprincess]

The One That Got Away – Chapter One

Summary: After assisting the new Captain America and Sargent Barnes to defeat the Flag Smashers, Joaquin Torres is on leave, visiting Sam’s family in Louisiana. He expected to make some new memories with the Wilsons and his new friend Bucky Barnes. What he did not expect, was a face from the past he was trying so desperately to forget.

But this small vacation will not be a peaceful one. New enemies are lurking in the background, and they know one thing - the only way to hit hard, is to hit home.

Pairings: Joaquin Torres x Reader

Warning: Mentions of blood, road accident, canon level violence

Word Count: 2.8K (approx.)

Note: This chapter is my literal baby I started writing this after reading the works of @tuiccim @waitimcomingtoo and @wkemeup Thank you for inspiring me to write my first fanfic. This one’s for you <3

The story takes place almost a month after the events of TFATWS. As that happened six months after endgame (October 2024) this takes place sometime in April 2024. We get an introduction to Y/N and Torres. I kinda tried to base the flashback scenes on my favorite songs from 2016 to 2019 so if the characters are vibing to Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber, I’m guilty of that! Hope you'll like this one <3

a/n Italics are thoughts or song lyrics, Time and Flashbacks will be labeled. There are some words and sentences in Spanish and the names of some medicines and pills. A guide will be given below.

*taglist is open*

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Series Playlist

-------

Present Day – Somewhere near Delacroix

“Look, man! I told you, you’ve got to listen to this song.” Sam cried out while turning the radio up.

“And I told you, I like 40’s music, and this guy speaks too fast!” Bucky bellowed while turning the radio down.

“He’s rapping Bucky”

“Yeah, I know! He’s yapping”

Torres could swear Sam almost banged his head on the steering wheel. He has been the witness of their constant bickering from the back seat for sixteen hours. He was on leave, and it was Sam’s idea to visit Sarah and the kids in Delacroix, through a road trip. He asked Bucky and Torres to join him and enjoy the “Fresh Spring air as they travel on the road”. He had to admit, it was pretty good. Until they left Pennsylvania, after which Sam and Bucky indulged in a battle of what he calls ‘Who Will Break the Radio First?’. His bets are currently on Bucky, who has come close to ripping the system out after hearing 21st-century music.

“Torres, help me out here!” Sam looked at him through the rear-view mirror.

“Torres, if you tell me you listen to this crap, I will be very disappointed.” Bucky huffed and looked out of the window. That was it. “Okay, I’m not taking sides. I’m Switzerland. Try not to kill each other” Saying so he put his headphones on and put his playlist on shuffle. He sat back and closed his eyes; the piano intro relaxing him.

I found a love for me

Oh darling, just dive right in and follow my lead

It seemed like a lifetime ago. Her hand in his. The same song playing on the stereo of his pickup.

Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet

Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

He was back at the lakeside, dancing with her. Just the two of them, swaying to the music.

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was

I will not give you up this time

She stepped on his toes numerous times but he didn’t care. He was busy looking at her.

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own

And in your eyes, you're holding mine

She laughed when he dipped her down. Her hair was loose, her breath heavy. She looked heavenly under the moonlight.

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song

He straightened her, holding her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight.

He leaned in, wanting to kiss her. But he waited to see if she wanted it too. She pressed her lips on his and he held her tight. He was drunk on her, and she was drunk on him.

“Sam watch out!” Bucky shouted. Sam stopped the car at the nick of time. Torres held on to the car seat in front of him. He looked outside and witnessed something horrifying. There was a huge vehicle pileup ahead of them. Several cars collided and he saw flames at the end. Sam and Bucky got out, Bucky looked at him and said, “Stop the cars coming behind us!”

He got out and ran on the road, waving his arms above his head at the cars coming towards them. “It’s a pile-up! Stop!” He screamed again and again. After watching him, a few cars stopped. Others drifted just as they saw the pile-up. Bucky was ripping doors of cars on fire and helping people to get out. Torres heard the mechanical whirring of gears above him. He looked up to see Redwing and Sam, dressed in his suit, carrying people to safety.

“Somebody help!” he heard a cry. He frantically looked around to see where it was coming from until he heard it again. “Help!” A black SUV in front of him. He ran towards it to find the driver, a middle-aged man unconscious on the steering wheel. In the passenger seat, a boy of six or seven was crying.

“Please help me!” he looked at Torres while clutching his hands tightly. Torres tried to open the door but it was locked. He asked the boy through the window, “Are you hurt?” he nodded.

“Can you roll down the window?”

“No,” he replied. “My arm hurts!” he cried out.

He took a closer look at the window and noticed it was cracked. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around his elbow. “Okay buddy, I need you to brace yourself, I’m about to break the window!” He said calmly. He hit the window hard, once, twice. On the third time, he broke it. Shards of glass flew inside the car as his elbow crashed in it. He winced in pain, but he paid no heed to it. The boy's seatbelt was unbuckled and he was carefully carried in his arms.

“We’re gonna get you to a hospital, okay? Don’t you worry!”

“My dad is in there” he sobbed.

“I got him!” Bucky said from afar. He was sprinting towards them.

“Take him to the nearest hospital, along with the others.” He tossed him the car keys, pointing at their car, and went to the SUV. Torres ran to their car and seated the boy in the passenger seat. He took his jacket off of his elbow to make a makeshift cast for his arm. He helped some other injured people in the backseat and fished out his phone, searching for directions to the nearest hospital.

PRESENT DAY – Oak Crest Memorial Hospital, Delacroix

All available nurses and doctors to the Emergency ward, please.

Just minutes ago, you lay down in bed. You’ve been here for more than 30 hours and your third shift at the hospital just ended. Still, you get up and walk out of the on-call room towards the main hallway. You open the door to see everyone running around.

You sensed panic and fear. Working in a hospital you were used to it. But this was ten times more. When you opened the doors to the emergency room on the second floor, you encountered a scene that you will never forget.

You stood there, at the main gates, startled at the sight. The ward was filled with injured people, every bed occupied. Children, women, and men of all ages were either being bought on stretchers or were sitting on beds getting bandaged. Nurses and doctors were rushing to see as many patients as possible. It has been two years of you working as a nurse but you’ve never seen something like this.

“I need cefalexin in the 8th station and gauge, and somebody gets me Nurse Y/L/N!”

From the nearest station, Lexi practically screamed at the nurse helping her. You broke out of trance hearing your name. Lexi, a fellow doctor, and your roommate were attending to a young girl. Her head was bandaged heavily and there were numerous cuts on her legs. You ran to her and asked, “Dr. Brown what happened here?”

She looked at you, and you saw the worry lines on her face slimming down a bit. Instead of replying she said, “Y/N where were you??? We need all hands on deck, check up on her. I have to look after the next patient”

You nodded and quickly walked to the nearby sink and sterilized your hands. After wearing disposable gloves, you walked to the station where the girl was lying and started cleaning her wounds with sterilized water and cotton. You recognize the nurse Lexi was screaming at, Luke, one of the most recent nurses to start at the hospital. He was applying Neosporin to the smaller cuts.

“Lexi gets a bit hot-headed sometimes, but she’s a darling. You good?” you ask after you realize he looked a little startled.

“Yeah, just never seen anything like this.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” you say while smiling at him.

“Do you know what happened to them?” you ask him. He may be new, but Luke was the source of all and every news at the hospital. Before he could answer, the girl replied, “There was a huge pileup on the highway. I was returning from upstate with my friends.” You look at her. She seemed to be in her early 20’s. Her short hair was caked in blood but her head wound was securely bandaged.

“You know it could have been a lot more disastrous if the Avengers weren’t there.” She added.

“The Avengers?” Luke gaped at her. You continued working on bandaging her knee.

“Did you meet any one of them? The new Captain America” Luke asked.

Great! You got yourself another colleague who is a fan of The Avengers. You didn't hate them, you liked them for saving people, but you weren't as enthusiastic about them as everyone else.

“Yes! He saved everyone. I could have been more injured if he didn’t remove the car piled up next to mine. It just happened so quickly but he got everyone out safely. His partner was also there, the former Winter Soldier. And some other guy I didn’t recognize. He bought us here.”

“Whoa! That’s so cool. But I’m glad you’re safe” Luke was smiling along with the girl.

“I’m Luke. And you are…”

“Vanessa” She smiled back.

Was he flirting? You were on the verge of rolling your eyes when you heard the main door open.

“His arm is broken. Somebody help!”

You stopped. That voice, no. It can’t be. It can’t be him. Slowly, very slowly, you turned around. It was him. He was holding a little boy in his arms and was looking around frantically. You saw a doctor taking the boy from his arms and running out of the ward with two others on his tail. He looked the same. Maybe a bit taller but he hasn’t changed at all. He finally gazed at you and his eyes grew wide. You both stopped. Him in the middle of the ward and you at your station. You kept looking at each other but neither of you said anything. “Y/N?” he finally managed to speak.

You can’t do this. You have tried so hard to forget everything. Come this far, you can’t fail. You turned around without a word as another doctor asked him to move out of the way. You heard the doors close; he stepped outside and you continued to work on the girl’s leg. After you finished, you backed up to see Luke and Vanessa looking at you.

“You know him?” she asked.

“Knew” you replied and moved to the next station.

-------

His mind was focused on you. How could it be? What has it been, five years, since he saw you? The last he knew from his friends in Arizona was that you moved to Michigan to pursue a career in nursing. But then, he couldn’t ask you after…

Time flies, doesn’t it?

He turned around to meet a very angry Bucky Barnes standing in front of him. He always was angry but this time he looked pissed.

“What’s up with you? You look like you saw a ghost,” he asked.

“Nothing.” He lied. “I was thinking about the boy I bought in.”

He looked up to see Bucky’s eyes soften. He clapped his vibranium arm on his shoulder and said, “He will be alright. It’s a hairline fracture. His dad is alright too, the doctors said they’re in stable condition now.”

He exhaled heavily. “Gracias a Dios” he whispered.

“Lo salvaste” Bucky replied.

Torres looked at him, “Sometimes I forget you know like a million languages.” Bucky laughed with him.

“There you are!”

Torres looked behind Bucky to see Sam walking towards them. He has changed back into his civilian clothes. Holding a big briefcase with his suit inside, he stopped in front of them.

“You both did a great job today.” He spoke. “We all did,” Bucky replied.

Torres was proud. “Thanks, cap” he replied.

“Now, are we heading to Sarah’s house or not? I’m starving.” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, I’m starving too. I need to ask the doctors if everyone is fine and then we’ll be on our way.”

A blonde woman who looked like she was in her mid 30's talked to them. She was the head doctor. “Captain, Sargent Barnes, and Lt. Torres. Thank you for saving them. Most of them have minor injuries and those with major ones are in stable condition. They will be discharged as soon as they recover.”

“Thank you. Doctor…”

“Dr. Brown. Lexi Brown.” She said while shaking Sam’s hand. She looked at Torres, “You should know the little guy you saved says thank you.” She said with a smile.

“I’m honored, Doc." He spoke.

“Well, I’ll be in touch with you all if you need more information. Have a good day.” She walked away. Bucky kept staring at the back of her head until Sam said, “Keep staring pal, she won’t turn back.” Bucky gave Sam a brooding look and walked ahead. They went to the elevator and pressed the button to the ground floor. As the gates were about to close, Torres heard, “coming through!” Oh god, not again! On instinct, he held the door and she entered the elevator. Face to face with him.

-------

You turned around to exit, but the elevator closed on your face. With a huff, you looked back. Torres looked like a deer caught in headlights. Behind him, Captain America and Bucky Barnes were standing alongside each other. Confused as to why you both were freaked out. You stood next to Torres, with a good distance between him and you.

“Hello Y/N,” he said. You resist your urge to look at him. You stared straight ahead and said, “Hello Torres.” He whipped his head towards you. You both knew you called him Torres intentionally. You finally turn your head to look at him. As opposed to the wild nest he had before, his hair was neatly trimmed. His face was more structured, and he appeared a bit muscular. Apart from that, he looked the same.

“Y/N I---”

“Wait Torres,” you cut him in. Rubbing your eyes you say, “I just had to attend five patients in an emergency after 30-hours of work. Can we do this some other time?”

“Okay,” he said. The new Captain America and Bucky Barnes can be seen in the reflection; both were deathly quiet, sensing the tension between you.

The elevator doors open, and you walk out without a backward glance. You wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. “Y/N wait!” you heard him call. But you didn’t turn. You kept walking until you were in the parking lot. You sit in your car and let your tears fall into a silent cry.

-------

Watch, observe and report. That was what his boss told him before he was sent on this mission. He was given clear instructions not to interact with anyone. Taking out his burner phone, he informed his team of the unfortunate accident that led to Captain America and his 'friends' saving everyone and bringing them to the hospital. This is why he is currently hiding in a parking lot and not behind Sam Wilson’s house.

A hero. They called him. But his boss had other thoughts. According to them, he was another government-favorite-narcissistic-asshole who did what they told him to do. Just like his predecessor, he would happily decapitate an innocent man in the middle of the city if they gave him the order. The whole fiasco in DC was fake. They killed Karli Morgenthau and they did the ‘Black Man Wearing Their Stars and Stripes’ to cover up the murder of a kid. But what he saw today on the highway, how he and his team jumped in to save people, something didn't add up.

Before he could hit the call button, he saw a woman in a nurse's uniform coming towards him. She looked miserable. He hissed and hid behind an SUV as he saw her entering a car that looked a little old. She sat there and cried. Late-twenties existential crisis he thought. She drove away crying. And the young Lieutenant came out to the lot. No way. He thought. This can’t be that easy. He saw him frantically looking around the lot and when he saw the missing car space, he cursed something in Spanish loudly. The Lieutenant ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and as on cue, The Captain and The Sargent entered.

-------

“Who is she?” Bucky asked, stopping in front of Torres. Torres stood there looking at the path out of the lot that led to the main road. “A friend from High School” he replied and went to their car.

-------

Guide

Cefalexin – An antibiotic that can treat several bacterial infections. (Source: Google)

Neosporin – An ointment mostly used for minor cuts and injuries.

Gracias a Dios (Spanish) – Thank God

Lo salvaste (Spanish) – You saved him

End of Chapter One. Chapter Two

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Tag List:

@tuiccim @wkemeup @parkjammys @akinrawsx @asteph22 @iamthebeth @thefandomqueenuno @onlyhereforthefics @yikesdameron @hoennsficrecs @obrienswife @savedfanfics1992 @amigaytho @samwilson-mylove

[salsadips]

If You Love Him - Harry Styles

This is based on the song If You Love Her by Forest Blakk

This song breaks my heart every time I listen to it, and I just thought of this idea. It honestly made me so sad to write and I really got in my feels, so I’m sorry beforehand if it’s too sad, but I’m actually really proud of it so I hope you enjoy<3 (Olivia Wilde appears in this, and it’s in no way meant negatively towards her) 

Summary: you have a hard time living without Harry, and when you find out he’s seeing someone else it breaks your heart and you write a song to his new lover

Warnings: none, it’s just sad:’(

Not my gif, so creds to the owner

You sat in front of the piano, fingers brushing the keys, just barely touching them. You've been crying all day it felt like, and now you just felt numb. You were absolutely drained of all your energy and you felt like you could fall asleep on the spot, but every time you tried closing your eyes, old memories flooded your brain a thousand miles per hour and prevented sleep from taking you with it.

You missed him, fuck you missed him so much. It was so hard just breathing without him and it felt like climbing a mountain just getting through one day without Harry beside you. You barely slept, just the thought of waking up and not seeing him in bed next to you, was enough to start a waterfall of tears streaming down your face. Every day you were in physical pain too, your stomach was in knots, your head was pounding from all the crying and your body had gotten so used to just laying in bed that your muscles had started hurting too from lack of use.

Every day was a hell to go through, but today had been the worst without a doubt. Nothing could ever compare to the feeling you'd felt when you’d checked Twitter that morning and saw rumors that Harry had found someone new. It had been all over the internet after a picture had been caught of him and someone else from the night before. Even though your brain had begged you to stop looking at the pictures and just turn off your phone, you'd spent the entire morning reading articles and fan theories. Eventually, it had hurt more than you could bear and you'd put down your phone and spent the rest of the day soaking your pillow from your unstoppable fountain of tears.

Now it was some time in the middle of the night, maybe around 3 a.m? You honestly didn't know. You hadn't touched your phone since you'd tossed it away earlier and you hadn't moved from your bed until an hour ago when you'd made your way to the piano in your living room.

One time what felt like an eternity ago, Harry had found you absolutely devasted after you thought a heavy argument with one of your close friends had led to the end of your friendship, and he'd told you: "some times emotions are easier to feel if you express them through music" and he'd made you sit down on the same piano bench you were sitting on now, listening while you wrote a song about every emotion that you'd felt. You remembered how he'd been right, that the feelings had actually been more bearable after you'd sang the words. Maybe it would work that way this time too? Honestly, at this point, you were willing to try anything to minimize the painful aching in your chest.

You'd just been staring at the piano in front of you for the last hour though, no words coming to mind that could express exactly what you were feeling. You kept thinking of Harry with this new person: was he with her right now, lying next to her in bed? Were they cuddling? Did he pull her tight to his chest while his head rested atop of hers as he'd always done with you? Were they having deep pillow talks till far into the night, like the two of you used to? Did he touch her the way he'd touched you? Did her entire body ignite whenever he kissed her, as yours had always done?

You knew who she was, Olivia Wilde, the director of the movie Harry had worked so hard on the last couple of months. You remembered the day he'd come home, so excited that he'd gotten the role in the movie, and you'd been equally as excited for him and so fucking proud. Not once had you imagined that you'd be sitting here now, while Harry was starting a new relationship with her. Was she treating him right? You fucking hoped so. Even though you wanted to hate her with your entire being, you couldn't seem to be mad at her. Maybe she was giving him what you couldn't, maybe he was happier with her. God, he deserved to be so happy.

Suddenly a thought formed in your head and the fingers that had only been lightly touching the piano keys now pressed down to make the instrument play out a soft melody.

Take it If he gives you his heart Don't you break it

Your voice was weak as it escaped from your lips. You hadn't spoken to a lot of people the past couple of weeks, having barely used your voice and you couldn't even remember the last time you'd been singing. Losing Harry had made you shy away from your passion for music and writing, too many memories.

Let your arms be a place He feels safe in He's the best thing that you'll ever have

You kept going as the words formed in your head, directing the song to Harry's new lover. Even though it brought you so much pain to see Harry with someone else, you were willing to let him go if she was for him what he needed. All you wanted was for him to be happy and complete, you wanted him to have the world and you'd never been able to give him that.

Memories started appearing in your head like flashbacks behind your closed eyelids. Memories that you and Harry had shared, memories that made you smile slightly even though it shattered your heart to know that you would never share moments like them with him again. While being with Harry, you were the happiest you'd ever been and maybe you were never gonna feel that again, but it was okay as long as he was happy.

He always has trouble Falling asleep And he likes to cuddle While under the sheets

You'd spent many long nights next to Harry in bed, running your fingers through his hair and speaking softly to help him find sleep when it had been so hard for him. He'd always told you how there was no feeling that could compare to being curled up to you in bed, holding you so close to him that you could hear his heartbeat. The most peaceful moments you'd ever experienced with him were these intimate moments where you never wanted to move out of his embrace, praying that you could just stay in his arms forever.

Reality hit you now, that those moments were long gone, but you just wished with all your heart that she would hug him just the way he loved it and that she would be there for him during those sleepless nights he had when adrenaline wouldn't stop running through his body after working too much, or whenever a storm of thoughts in his head was keeping him awake.

He loves Pop songs And dancing, and bad trash TV

Harry's taste in music had always been something else. It was so wide, almost every genre of music was presented on his playlist, but you remembered you'd been surprised when you found all the cliche pop songs on there. You knew, of course, that Harry had spent five years in a boyband, singing pop songs, but to you, he just hadn't seemed like the type to listen to Ariana Grande and Katy Perry, but you'd been so wrong.

You couldn't count how many romcoms and shitty reality shows you'd watched with Harry during your time together. He'd always found them very enjoyable, and you would be lying if you didn't enjoy the times you'd been cuddled up to him on the couch while watching Love Island and discussing all the people you voted for and all the people you absolutely couldn't stand with each other.

He loves love notes and babies And likes giving gifts

A single tear escaped your eye and ran down your cheeks at the thought of all the love notes Harry had given you in the past. After you'd started dating, you'd worn his clothes so much, just because it smelled like him. His hoddies, shirts, sweatpants, jackets, you'd stolen it all from him, you're excuse being that it was more comfortable than your own clothes. Harry had never minded though, in fact, he'd always loved to see you walk into the kitchen in his shirt in the mornings or walk out of the house in a pair of his sweatpants paired with something like a white tank top.

At some point, he started putting little notes in the pockets of his hoddies or pants, knowing you'd put the items on the next day and find the sweet notes he hid. It was just small things like I love you or have a great day, love or excited to see you tonight, but they had always melted your heart, making you love him just that more.

Has a hard time accepting A good compliment

Harry had always showered you with compliments, every chance he got, always making you smile. You'd always made sure to tell Harry what an amazing person he was and how talented he was, how beautiful his music was and how absolutely gorgeous he looked, and every single time a sweet comment like that had left your mouth, Harry had blushed slightly while looking down at his feet. He would start making excuses, saying that it was nothing special every time you were amazed by a new song he'd written, and telling you he didn't know what you were talking about every time you'd told him how good he looked.

Knowing that he'd never been good at receiving compliments, you'd made sure to attack him with them all the time, and even though he never admitted it, you knew he thought about your words with a lot of consideration, eventually, you hoped, he started believing them.

You just wanted her to keep telling him those sweet things every day because he needed to hear them.

He loves his whole family And all of his friends

You thought of Harry's family and how he'd been so proud when he'd introduced you to them for the first time. He always put his family above everyone and though he didn't see them as much as he wanted to, he made sure that they never questioned how much they meant to him.

You'd admired the relationship he had with his family, especially his mother and sister, you could just tell how much he adored them. You'd never really had a home with that kind of love. You were an only child, so no siblings, and your mother had passed away while you were still young, leading your father into years of alcoholism and depression.

You'd never felt safe and loved until you met Harry, he was your family. That was probably the hardest part for you to let go of, the feeling of safety you'd had whenever you were wrapped in his arms or from simply being in the same room as him.

He was such a giving person, never asking for much. He had a lot of friends and they all adored him, how could they not? He had this ability to make you feel so special and he was such a good listener too, giving you all his attention whenever you told him something, not letting anything distract him.

So if you're the one he lets in Take it If he gives you his heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place He feels safe in He's the best thing that you'll ever have He'll love you If you love him

You sang, and god, the words hurt. It felt like your chest was being pried open and your heart ripped out and shredded into pieces. You had to mov eon though, for your own good. You never wanted to forget Harry, he would always have a piece of you, but this grieve that you were feeling had to decrease, you could barely live a life when it hurt so bad.

If Olivia was the one for Harry, then so be it, if she made him happy you couldn't argue. Obviously you hadn't made him as happy as he'd made you, but you hadn't realized that until he'd walked out the door and it was too late. He had let go of you and now it was time for you to do the same, you just wanted, no needed her to treat him right.

On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it He's the best thing that you'll ever have He'll love you If you love him like that

You always thought that Harry and you could get through anything, and your relationship had been put to a lot of tests throughout your time together but never had you thought that one of these obstacles would actually get the better of you.

You remembered that day so clearly. The day your whole world fell apart slowly with every step Harry took towards your front door, and it all crashed down on you when he sat down in his car and drove away without even one last glance in your direction. You hadn't talked to him after that, but still, he remained the single thing on your mind 24/7. It hurt you how quickly he had moved on, but you couldn't be mad because you felt at blame for your relationship ending in the first place.

Harry had always said that as long as you stood together, then absolutely nothing could come in the way of you two, and the only time you hadn't been side by side, that's when you fell apart. You'd always appreciated him so much, sometimes you'd thought it was impossible to care so much for another human as you cared about Harry.

Your hands started shaking a bit and you could feel the tears slowly appearing in the corner of your eyes. You would never stop caring about Harry, he had such an impact on your life, what were you supposed to do without him? God, would this pain ever stop? As you started the second verse, the tears escaped your eyes and silently ran down your cheeks.

Kiss him with passion As much as you can

You missed kissing Harry. Just his touch had been such an essential part of your day and now that you didn't get to feel that, you needed it more than anything. When you thought of it, it was as if you could still feel his lips on yours, kissing you softly.

You'd kissed a number of guys before you met Harry and you'd thought all of them had been fairly good, but that was until you kissed Harry. You'd shared your first kiss one day while you'd been chilling at Harry's and he just couldn't stop himself as you'd stood in his kitchen and looked so beautiful. You knew Harry had experience, but you remember being completely taken aback by how comfortable the kiss was. It wasn't too wet, but not entirely without his tongue roaming your mouth either. He'd grabbed your waist while your arms snaked their way around his neck, and he'd tasted good after the smoothies he'd made for the two of you earlier that day. You hadn't been able to get enough and he had seemed to have the same problem because you'd barely taken your hands off each other for the rest of the night.

Harry was a very affectionate person and he’d loved holding you, kissing you, just touching you in general. It had made you feel so loved and now where that feeling had belonged in your chest, was just emptiness. You were certain no one could ever make you feel the way Harry had, he could make your entire body feel like it was on fire just by holding your hand.

Run your hands through his hair Whenever he's sad

It wasn't often Harry had been sad in front of you, let alone cried, but it had happened a couple of times, and many times he'd come home and you'd been able to see that something was wrong, but he would deny it. It wasn't because he’d been embarrassed to be sad in front of you, but he’d often pushed it away because he didn't want to burden you. You knew him well though and you could tell the second he would walk in the door, that something was wrong. If he didn't want to talk about it, mostly you'd just put a romcom on the television and pulled him into your arms while you'd cuddled on the sofa, gently running your fingers through his soft curls. You would do anything to brush your fingers through his hair right now...

And when he doesn't notice How amazing he is Tell him over and over

So he never forgets

On the outside, Harry had always made a great effort to appear confident and independent, but when you'd managed to get to know him behind that exterior, you'd discovered that he had a bunch of his own insecurities. He always questioned if his music was good enough, if his performances were good enough, if he was a good idol, if he deserved everything he had, if he was good enough.

Once you'd found out he felt this way a lot of the time, you'd always made sure to tell him how absolutely extraordinary you thought he was. You hoped that she would tell him too, help him build a better image of himself in his head.

You managed to get through the chorus again before your feelings became too overwhelming and you had to stop. Your fingers halted on the piano while your tears had become slightly more uncontrollable.

You couldn't help but think that you were pathetic for sitting here when Harry had clearly moved on with someone else. You'd realized how much your joy had depended on him, but you had to be able to live a life without him. How could you move on when Harry had completed you though?

It was cliche, but you felt like you were missing a part of you and without Harry, you would never be able to get it back. It was like he'd been too good for you, so he had been taken away from you. You had always known you didn't deserve him, but you'd tried your very hardest to be worthy of his love, but you weren't and now someone was making you pay for those years where you'd been granted his affection without actually deserving it.

What were you supposed to do? How the fuck were you supposed to live a life when your source of happiness had been taken away from you?

With tears still in your eyes and your body shaking, you removed yourself from the piano and went back to bed, hoping that maybe tomorrow would be the day he would come knocking at your door, because moving on from him clearly wasn’t an option...

——————————————————————————

A/n: I've got a bunch of requests that's been sitting in my inbox for so long and I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to them. A bunch of them are with JJ and I just haven't been in the mood to write for him lately, I've just kinda been diving deeper and deeper into my Harry obsession (when am I not), but I'll get around to them at some point. Again I'm really sorry, school is just really stressing me out too, so I haven't been writing much at all, please don't stop requesting though<3

[bopbopstyles]

ELEVATED SURFACES

RATING: R/smut (sex, heavy alcohol use, smoking, lots of cursing)

WORD COUNT: 11.6k

CATEGORIES: fratboy!harry

MASTERLIST (check it out for extras) | INSPO TAG | PLAYLIST 

a/n: as a recently graduated srat girl and lover of a good frat party, this one shot was intended to fill the whole in my heart which is LEGIT frat Harry. he is fratty and hot and long haired and a mess. if u like this try out TEMPTATION which is my other frat!h series and the first thing i ever wrote on this gd website (he’s not as fratty but we love him a LOT)

a/n pt.2: as a note, i want to make very clear that frats and greek organizations frequently harbor predators and abusers. i do not in any way condone that behavior or that reality, and i would like to bring attention to a petition to remove a fraterity that had done truly many horrible things--your signature would be a huge help. for survivors of assault, you are not alone, and it is not your fault. 

As you rose up, your eyes locked on a figure in the doorway of the basement. His long hair was loose, curls that had been pulled out from the hair tie he always had on his wrist, a tight white shirt that you knew meant all of his tattoos were on display. Harry was watching you, you realized as you twisted your hips and bounced your arms up and down with the beat, singing the words. So you kept his gaze, and just to taunt him, when the chorus hit again, you dropped down, ass hitting your heels, eyes on his the whole time.

or

Harry is a very fratty frat boy and Y/N is a really good dancer

pls reblog and share with your friends 💕

“We really should not be still going to our own mixers,” Emily said to you, fluffing her hair and rotating to check her ass in her jeans. You looked up from where you were sitting on your bed, a gin and tonic in one hand to get your blood flowing before the party started. Emily sighed, and then turned from the mirror to you, grabbing the coffee cup that had never seen coffee, just alcohol. “Are people even going?”

You nodded, tossing your phone next to you and leaning against the bed frame. “Alexis is on her way over—she got held up finishing an essay. Maya said she might come, I tried to convince her by promising I’d bring my flask and you’d have your Juul.”

“I swear, she has to just give in and get one of her own.” Emily took a long sip and crossed her arms.

“She claims that will make her addicted.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “She’s already addicted—she uses half my pods and ends up hanging out with whatever guy will let her take a hit. Is it just going to be us and all the new members?”

“No, I think some juniors are going. And definitely the sophomores—they’re all on the little hunt.” You got up, going to your computer to change the song, scrolling through your comprehensive and well-curated pregame playlist. “Plus, who gives a fuck, we’ll only be there for an hour or two for the free alcohol and then we’re hitting the bars.”

“True.” A knock came from the door, and Emily hollered to come in, and Alexis appeared in the doorway, her makeup looking utterly flawless as always. You had always wanted Alexis’s wardrobe and told her constantly, to which Alexis always replied that she wished you were the same size. Unfortunately, Alexis was a solid five inches shorter than you and had a completely different bra size, making sharing quite difficult.  

“Bitches, I brought tequila!” Alexis swung into the room in a cloud of perfume, and threw her arms around you and Emily’s shoulders. “Come on, we need to get tipsy before we get to this mixer. Nick already texted me making sure I was coming.”

“Grab the shot glasses,” You replied, nodding to the makeshift bar cart in the corner, which as laden with glasses of all kinds and all your alcohol. “Are you hooking up with him tonight?”

Alexis shrugged, pulling her tequila from her bag and setting it on your desk before turning and going for the shot glasses. “Probably. I don’t know, he’s been weird lately—we hooked up on Monday night, but then he got all weird and left like immediately after and hasn’t texted me since. Barely acknowledged me when we saw each other in the library.”

“Was the sex weird?” Emily asked, unscrewing the top on the tequila so she could pour.

“Yeah,” Alexis replied, holding the glasses steady while Emily poured. “Like weirdly…intense? I let him come inside me which was probably a stupid idea, but I’m on the IUD so we should be all good. And then I offered to let him stay and he just got all flustered and said he had to go.”

You took your full shot glass, and you all clinked before tossing them back, the alcohol burning on your throat.  You hated tequila shots but Alexis loved them, and you did admit they did their job. “Do you think he’s caught feelings?”

Alexis’s eyes widened. She had been pining after Nick for ages, his tall basketball stature and surprisingly good fashion sense a dime a dozen. Much less, apparently the sex was insane, so what wasn’t to like? “You think? I thought it might’ve not been his vibe.”

Emily grabbed the bottle. “Another?” You all nodded, and she poured again, The Weeknd crooning in the background. “Just see what happens tonight, feel out what his vibe his.”

“Good idea.” You slammed back another shot, hissing before setting down the glass. “Okay, that’s enough tequila or you two are going to be carrying me home tonight.”

Emily and Alexis laughed, before taking seats on your bed, continuing to chatter about the night ahead. It was a Friday, your favorite night because it was usually just mixers, no general parties, which as a senior you had grown to despise. The fighting for watered down alcohol, packed bodies and horrific gender ratio was simply no longer something you had the energy to deal with. Mixers were your preferred zone, filled with your sorority sisters who you adored, the opportunity to actually hang out with the frat brothers whose presence you enjoyed, and usually pong. Sometimes they even let you DJ because you had the best party playlists. The president of Sig Ep had actually asked for the link one time and you’d heard they used it sometimes when the brothers didn’t want to man the computer anymore.

You surveyed your outfit in your narrow mirror, the black denim jeans and simple white tank that showed a bit of stomach and your tan you’d worked hard on during your winter escape to the Caribbean with your lineage. It was simple, yet it suited your needs—after three and a half years of college parties, you had discovered getting dressed up for frat parties was a useless activity, since your clothes would get drenched in jungle juice and sweat anyways. You left your best outfits for Saturday nights spent clubbing downtown.

If you were being honest, the whole reason you were going tonight was because at the last mixer you’d had with Beta, you’d turned around on the dance floor to find Harry’s eyes on you. You were already dancing with another one of the brothers and ended up making out with him in a corner until you got bored, but you hadn’t been able to get the sight of his eyes on you out of your head.

You’d known Harry since freshman year, your interactions limited mostly to mixers and the occasional run-in in the dining halls when you exchanged pleasantries, or the one time he’d volunteered for a karaoke team for your sorority philanthropy event and you’d been in charge of his team. But the two of you had rarely ever spent time together.  That didn’t mean you hadn’t had a lingering crush on him since you’d first laid eyes on him, though, and over the years he’d only gotten more attracted. A body that filled out his white t-shirts and black jeans, hair long and sweeping his shoulders to where he wore it in a bun most times, a jaw that could cut glass. He was hot and he knew it, as did everyone else on campus.

As juniors you had both been on the executive boards of your respective Greek organizations and had ended up in meetings together about housing violations and social calendars, but it hadn’t ever led to much more than you both complaining about how fucking annoying FIJI and their insistent requests for a house was, considering they’d trashed their last one. But this year, you’d found his eyes on you multiple times, and you wondered if perhaps your time had arrived. You’d both always danced around each other and you were curious after all these years if he was finally interested in hooking up. Not that you really expected much more, or were looking for much else—you were a senior, after all, and you were enjoying it.

“Y/N.” Alexis’s voice ripped you from your musings over Harry, her fingers snapping from her spot on your bed. “What’s got you thinking hard over there?”

“Harry?” Emily guessed, one eyebrow raising. “Emmett said he’ll be there tonight.”

“He’s always there,” you replied, because he was. Like you, he seemed to enjoy the mixers, but usually avoided the open parties unless he was on door duty.

“You’d hook up with him, right?”

You looked at Alexis. “Obviously. He’s so fucking hot.”

She laughed, as did Emily. “Then go for it, girl. It’s not like he’ll say no.”

You shrugged. “He might. Never know.”

“I seriously doubt that. You look hot as fuck, as usual, and are the life of the party. Beta adores you. They literally asked you to move in this year when they had an open spot.”

“It was a joke,” you reminded them, because it was—you wouldn’t ever be allowed to live in the house and they knew that. It was true though, you had become a bit of a groupie over the past few years, preferring the more laid back vibe in their house. You’d become friends with all the senior guys, except the weird or obnoxious ones, and had become a regular invite to Bachelor Monday watch parties in their second floor living room. You brought snacks and your friends, they provided the booze and the cable.

“Still,” Emily said, nudging you the toe of her black booties. “Don’t sell yourself short, babes. He is missing a brain if he’s not interested in you.”

“And seriously missing out,” Alexis added. You shot her a look, but she just chuckled. “Bitch, I lived next door to you last year. You are loud.”

“Shut the fuck up,” you said, laughing, but she was right. You were. Guys had told you on countless occasions, but you really couldn’t find it in yourself to care all that much. “Come on, we should go. Maya is texting me asking when we’re leaving.”

“Do you have your cigs?”  Alexis asks you, downing the rest of the drink she’d made while you had been staring into space.

It was your vice, one you had picked up during a semester abroad and only did when you were drunk. You knew you should stop, but something about it made you feel powerful, a bit badass, so you kept doing it. “Obviously. Emmett will have a fit if I don’t.” You swiped your pack from your desk drawer and your trusty pale blue lighter, and shoved them into the pocket of your jacket. With one last swig of your drink, your veins buzzing with alcohol just the right amount, the three of you were off, singing an old Hannah Montana song in the elevator down to the lobby of your dorm.

One of the pledges was working the door, but happily let you three into the frat house. The lights on the main floor were off, except for the ones in the front study that doubled as a coat room, where you tied the arms of your jackets together and set them in the corner so you didn’t lose them. Your cigs were transferred to your back pocket, and you just prayed you didn’t forget they were there and crush them again.  

Josephine and another junior were the sober sisters, and offered you three hugs before checking your names off the list. You got positive points for being there, as if that was the main reason you had shown up.

“Emmett!” Emily called, and the blond-headed boy’s head flipped up from where he was standing behind the bar. A Gatorade water cooler was sitting on the high bar, stacks of red solo cups and boxes of white claws and beers sitting on top of one another.

Aka, your happy place. “He’s bartending, thank god,” you said, and grabbed Emily and Alexis, weaving through the crowd. Girls stopped you all as you moved, hugs and squeals at your appearance. You had to admit, you were popular in your sorority, but mainly because you had made it your mission to get your money worth. As a result of your exec position, you’d gotten to know the sophomore member class and you adored them all, chaotic messes who always turned up with you and made you laugh hysterically. Honestly, you were sad to graduate because it meant leaving behind so many fun friends and memories.

“We’ve been waiting for you three,” Emmett said when you arrived in front of him. He was wearing the frat’s homecoming shirt from the previous year and his eyes were dilated, obvious that he had smoked before. “What are we drinking?”

“What’s the mix?” You asked, pointing to the cooler.

He grabbed three cups, knowing you would be taking it. “Shit ton of vodka, Kool Aid, water, the usual.”

“My favorite,” you replied, blowing him a kiss. “How is it downstairs?”

He filled the cups and handed them to you all. “They just wrapped up pong so it’s still getting moving.”

Alexis took a long sip before grabbing your hand. “Sounds like we need to get people dancing.” With that she turned around, her long slick black hair moving in a circle. “Let’s dance!” She called, and the girls around you cheered, following the three of you down the slippery steps to the basement.

Downstairs, The Motto was playing and you bobbed your head along with the beat, moving your hips as you entered the large basement space. It was dark except for a glowing sign with the Beta letters in narrow neon lights, casting the room with a tint of green. Your battered frat shoes, an old pair of white Vans, stuck against the beer and jungle juice-covered floor as you made your way to the middle. A couple of other girls and brothers were scattered around the floor, and you broke from Emily and Alexis’s hands as you twirled on the floor.  

You raised your cup above your head and started dancing, rapping the lyrics by heart, moving your hands and hips along with the song. Emily and Alexis sang along with you and some of the younger girls showed up, then some other seniors who shared your love for frat parties. All of a sudden your little was screaming and running towards you, Mallory’s arms wrapping around your waist.

“Oh my fuck god, MOM,” she screamed, using the nickname she’d had for you since you’d taken her as your little two years ago. You laughed and threw your arm around her shoulders, screaming the lyrics. There was a specific reason you had taken Mallory as your little, and it was because she lost her shit at parties just as much as you did. You two were a dynamic duo like no other, and if your grand little didn’t have a huge exam on Monday, she’d be here too and you would all be dancing together as usual.

You downed your jungle juice, the sugary drink combined with the loud music blasting and your friends making your adrenaline kick into high gear. And then Maya appeared, arms waving like crazy, and then she dropped it low and you remembered why you adored her, even if she always stole Emily’s Juul. She had a beer in one hand and a white claw in the other, ready for the night ahead.

Then Emmett appeared, trailed by some of the other brothers in tank tops and t-shirts, one carrying a six pack on his shoulder and handing out warm beers to the brothers he passed. Emmett beelined for Emily, his arm thrown around her shoulder, their completely platonic friendship on show for everyone. The song ended and you took a breath, crushing your cup and tossing it into the corner so you could have your hands free. Emily pulled her Juul free and took a hit, passing it to Maya next without a question between them.

The opening notes of Come Get Her started and you immediately grabbed Alexis and Emily, beelining for the bar that the speakers rested on, something you weren’t even sure how it got there, but it was your favorite elevated surface of all time. Wide enough to dance, tall enough to be high but not too high where you couldn’t mostly stand. You clamored up, coming to nearly full height and turning to your friends.

“Somebody come get her, she’s dancing like a stripper!” You screamed, your friends coming in a circle in front of the three of you, some other girls getting up on the bar. When the line came through again, you decided fuck it, and you dropped your ass low, bending your knees and tipping your head back.

When you danced, you didn’t give a single fuck about impressing guys or any of that. You just simply loved to dance with your friends, move your hips, and didn’t care what you looked like. Mallory screamed when you got low, your name falling from her lips in a squeal of joy.

As you rose up, your eyes locked on a figure in the doorway of the basement. His long hair was loose, curls that had been pulled out from the hair tie he always had on his wrist, a tight white shirt that you knew meant all of his tattoos were on display. Harry was watching you, you realized as you twisted your hips and bounced your arms up and down with the beat, singing the words. So you kept his gaze, and just to taunt him, when the chorus hit again, you dropped down, ass hitting your heels, eyes on his the whole time.

That had him moving. He joined a circle where Emmett and some other senior guys were dancing with some other girls, beers in hand as they shifted back and forth. But you knew what would have them all actually dancing and screaming and jumping along with you. You needed to see Harry like that—loose and free. So you turned around and grabbed the attention of the sophomore on aux, his name something along the lines of Justin, and screamed your song choice to him. He gave you a thumbs up, and then you turned back around. Your hair was sticking to the back of your neck, and you rolled it into a loose, high bun, pulling the elastic on your wrist around it as you swayed to the song.

You could hear the song ending, and with your eyes on Harry, you decided you would get down. He was next to a pledge with a six pack, and you wanted a beer. You were mixing alcohols like nobody’s business tonight, but you’d done worse. You squatted down and kicked your feet out, Mallory’s hand coming out to help you down. “You good?” She asked, leaning in to you.

“Yeah, just hot,” you replied. “Going to get a beer.” She nodded and let you go. There wasn’t a need to watch your friends as much in a normal party, since you knew all the girls here. Maya pulled you in for a hug as you moved, and then the current president called out your name from where she stood with her boyfriend, a white claw in her hand.

Squeezing next to Emmett, you nudged the waist of the pledge next to you. “Can I get one?” You asked, pointing to the beers.

“Yeah,” he replied, pulling one from the case and handing it to you. It was a Natty Light, but you really could’ve given fewer fucks—they were a frat after all, they didn’t buy the good stuff.

You popped the tab and took a long swig, the liquid quelling your rough throat from singing. And then, the song changed, and you smiled, eyes meeting Harry’s. You decided you were going to draw him out. “I got hoes, callin’!” You screamed, the song starting the speakers, and the boys all joined in. Fuck it, you thought, and chugged the rest of your beer so that you could jump, your arms outstretched and pumping up and down. Your bun was bouncing on your head and you were grinning, the music flowing through you.

Harry was watching you, his head tapping, hair swishing back and forth. You needed more. So you moved into the center of the circle, knowing the guys would hype you up, and reached for him. “Why aren’t you dancing?” You asked him playfully, and his eyebrow shot up.

“Fuck! Shit! Bitch!” The best lines of the song ran through the speaker and you just grabbed his hand, which was warm, and pulled on him. Suddenly his body was in front of you, close, and you tried to process what your original plan was. But then, Harry started moving, back and forth, head bopping, rapping the lyrics in time, and you knew you had gotten him. “I be ballin’, like a motherfuckin’ pro,” you sang, starting up to jump, and to your surprise, Harry joined you, a carefree expression finally crossing his face. He was screaming the lyrics then, hair bouncing as he moved. He rotated, grabbing the shoulders of another one of the boys, who joined in with him, them screaming the lyrics at each other.

You couldn’t help but laugh, the change in his demeanor so sudden. When the song changed, T-Shirt by Migos coming on, he turned back to you. All of a sudden, his lips were next to your ear and you choked on air. “Fuckin’ love that song,” he said, accent smooth in your ear.

“You and every other frat boy,” you replied, stepping backwards. You had ended up at the side of the circle closer to the wall, and so you moved towards it, freeing yourself from the heavy circle of boys.

The song was slower, not a jumping and dancing song, but one that suggested the slow grinding of hips and closeness of bodies. Which fuck it, you wanted. Desperately. He was looking at you with an intense stare, smile sloppy from alcohol, Harry sweaty on his forehead, arms straining under the fabric of his shirt. He was following you, taking a step away from his friends and following your body as if magnetic. So you just went for it, putting your weight lower, and rolled your hips back and forth to the music.

Mama told me/not to sell work/Seventeen five/same color T-shirt

Your eyes met his, and the shared intensity of his gaze stirred something inside of you. Desire. A need to know what his skin felt like, a desire that had been lingering since you first saw him. Your hands moved on their own, draping over his shoulders, and his hands found the curve of your waist, and suddenly you knew what his skin felt like on yours. They found the bare skin between the hem of your shirt and the top of your jeans, burning your already warm skin.

Justin-something on aux changed the song, deciding that was enough, and then No Role Modelz was on, and you moved, swaying back and forth, your chests coming closer and closer. His face was inches from yours and you wondered what his lips would taste like. The slow rap and smooth feel of the beat had your eyes fluttering shut, mind twirling from the alcohol and the lowlights, the heat of the packed basement. If you didn’t have Harry under your hands, you might have left for a smoke break, an excuse for air. But you weren’t letting go of him anytime soon. So you turned around and when your ass touched his dick you couldn’t help but smile—he was already hard. You felt his arm move and watched him sip his beer, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he drank. You rolled your hips against him and then reached up, grabbing the can and bringing it to your own lips, taking a sip and watching him watch you. The two of you were taunting each other, acting on a feeling that had always been an undercurrent in every one of your interactions, a slight sexual tension that if you pulled on would become taught.

Which as you pressed against him, you fucking yanked on. His free hand clasped around your hip, holding you close and swaying in time with you. You could feel the sweat that had soaked through his t-shirt a bit, but you didn’t care—you  were sweaty yourself, so was everyone in the room. It was part of the appeal, the fact that everyone was a mess and no one cared. He was rock hard between the denim of both of your jeans, and you could feel the power racing through you, the fact that you had him like this going straight to your head.

When Mr. Brightside came on, you decided that was your smoke break time. You couldn’t stand the song after so many years, and the feeling of bodies pressing together as they jumped was too much for you. “I’m going to get some air,” you said, turning around so you could face Harry.

He was so close to you, just inches away, when his tongue licked over his lip. “Can I come with?”

“Sure.” You grabbed his hand as you moved through the crowd, pushing between frat brothers and your sorority sisters who were all dancing together to the song. When you made it through the exit you sighed, the stale air of the stairwell even feeling better than that room.

“Fuck it was hot in there,” Harry said, your hand dropping from his. He followed you up the stairs and you nodded. You pushed open the door and a Doja Cat song was playing, some people upstairs scattered around, drinking and talking, some sitting on couches together. You waved to Maya, who seemed to have also needed a break, and nodded to the door as if to tell her you were getting some air.

“I’m going to smoke if that’s okay,” you told him as you made your way to the door, pulling your cigs and lighter from your back pocket.

He nodded. “Can I bum one?”

You opened the heavy oak door and said hello to the handful of guys sitting on the steps, who were manning the door and making sure no one random got in. “Sure,” you responded to Harry finally, sitting down on the concrete half wall that lined the landing. You could hear the slight thump of the music, but for the most part it was quiet, the the frat house a couple yards away not throwing anything tonight.

Harry leaned against the wall close to you, taking your offered cigarette. You flicked the lighter and raised it to your cigarette, taking a drag when it lit. Then you handed it to Harry, who accepted it gladly, doing the same. The smoke filled your lungs and your drunken mind considered that you should quit, but at the same time, you liked having something to do when you got air, an excuse to be on the steps. One of the other guys asked for one, and you handed one over, making a new friend.

And then you looked back to Harry. “So,” you said, tapping the ash on your cig. “How have you been?”

You hadn’t seen him since your last mixer with Beta, but you two hadn’t talked in ages. “Good,” he replied. “Busy with classes and stuff.”

“What are you studying again?”

“Political science,” he answered, and your eyebrows shot up. You had expected business or economics, like most of the Beta brothers.

“Why poli sci?”

He shrugged, tapping the ash before taking another drag. “Dunno, really. Took a class freshman year and liked it enough.”

“You don’t want to work in politics or something?”

“I don’t really know what I want to do, honestly.”

“You make it sound like that’s unusual,” you tell him. “Most people don’t.”

He chuckles, a low sound from the back of his throat, and you like the sound of it. “I’ll tell my dad that next time we talk.” You could tell there was a story there, but didn’t push. It wasn’t that kind of moment. “What about you?”

“Psych and pre-law,” you reply, the answer rolling off your tongue with ease.

“Oh? What kind of law?”

You took another drag before answering. “Criminal defense, but I want to work with people on death row.”

His eyes widen, just as you expected. It’s the usual response from people. “Fuck, that’s awesome. What made you interested in it?”

“I just got really into true crime when I was in middle school and ended up doing research on the criminal justice system and what a fucking disaster it is. Death sentences and death row especially. So I want to overturn false convictions.”

He puffed a cloud of smoke, and you watched his lips form a circle, a dark pink color that drew you in. “And you said most people don’t know what they want to do.”

A breeze made the hair on your arm hair stand up, and you rubbed the skin to warm up. It was cold tonight. “I’m unusual,” you told him. “Most of my friends have no idea what they’re doing after graduation.”

You had reached the end of your cigarette, so you dropped it to the ground and stamped it out, the combination of the nicotine and alcohol making your head deliciously hazy. “I’m going back in.”

Harry dropped his cigarette too, putting out the bud. “Lead the way.” He swiped his ID card on the door to let you both in, and you held the door for him, the sound of Post Malone sweeping through the house. “Want another drink?”

You mentally considered how drunk you were, came to the conclusion that you could take some more, and nodded. “White claw, please.” If you laid off the jungle juice you would last a bit longer, and you weren’t particularly wanting to get wasted tonight—you wanted to see where this went.

Harry nodded and walked towards the bar, while you turned to the group of girls closest to you, who were drinking juice and chattering amongst themselves. They immediately started asking you about Harry, about what was happening, and you shrugged because you truly didn’t know. “He’s hot,” one of them, a sophomore named Cat said. “You going to go for it?”

“If the opportunity presents itself,” you replied. You weren’t going to push with Harry, the last thing you wanted was to embarrass yourself in front of him. You’d follow his lead, see what he was interested in, matching his flirting and  see where it went. Not to say you weren’t forward, but you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable either. “What about you guys?”

Cat launched into an in-depth analysis of the weird flirtation she’d been having with a junior guy in Beta, how they’d hooked up once but not again, but he kept looking at her. You encouraged her to go for it if she wanted, and she grinned, perhaps just needing an extra push. All of a sudden, you felt a hand on your back, and Harry was next to you, a Black Cherry white claw in one hand, a Heineken in the other.

“If I’d know there were Heinekens I would’ve had that,” you told him, accepting your white claw.

His hair fell behind his shoulders when he tipped the beer back. “Most girls don’t like beer.”

“Well you’ve met one now.” You liked messing with him, dropping flirtations into the conversation and pushing buttons. It made him smirk at you and you loved it, the twinkle in his eyes and the pinkness of his lips.

“H.” A guy appeared behind Harry. “We’re out of vodka.”

“How are we out?” He asked, taking another sip of his beer.

The guy, a pledge from the looks of him, grimaced. “Someone took one of the bottles.”

“Fuck,” Harry said with a sigh. “Have one of the other pledges go get more and keep the receipt. Get more claws while you’re out, we’re running low.” With that, he turned back to you, exhaling sharply. The boy disappeared, sensing that was his cue.

Right as you were about to speak, you heard the opening notes of I Love It from downstairs, and you turned to the girls around you. “Downstairs,” you told them, and they all tossed back the rest of their drinks before tossing them into the trash can a few paces away. You opened the door to the basement and then looked back to Harry. “Coming?”

That made him move, following you down into the dark stairwell that smelled of stale beer and sweat. He stayed close to you, and when your foot slipped on a stair he reached out to steady you, a hand to your side that made your body warm with more than just the temperature of the room.  The girls in front of you streamed into the room, screaming the lyrics to the song.

“You’re such a fucking hoe/I love it!” You joined in, laughing at the lyrics in spite of yourself, but the truth is you fucking loved the song. It was absurd and was filthy, but you liked screaming the lyrics in a room with a bunch of your friends.

You twirled around and walked into the room backward, moving your body with the beat, taunting Harry to follow you. Which he did, as if connected to you by a magnet. You could see his lips moving, the lyrics falling from his lips to match you. You stopped moving in the middle of the room and Harry’s hands found your hips. Turning in his hands, a coy smile on your face, you knew what this song was going to involve. Hips moved on their own accord, grinding hard against him. You could feel his breath on your neck, the lyrics I’m a sick fuck/I like a quick fuck/I like my dick sucked/I’ll buy you a sick truck in your ear. Hearing the words on his lips for some reason had your blood pumping,  and you wanted to hear them again on a loop.

His dick was hard against your ass and your hands stretched behind you, finding his hips to hold him close. His head fell to your neck, nosing at your skin, his fingers on the bare skin at your waist clenching. Your hips moved in time  with each other, his body dropping to be at the height as yours, chasing the desire that was running between you. Your head tipped back against his chest and eyes fluttered shut, letting the alcohol in your veins and the music pounding in your ears take over. All you could feel was him, the cut of his body and the strength of his arms next to you, his hips insistently rubbing against yours and you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to actually grind on him.

The song changed, Work Out by J. Cole sounding through the speakers and you pulled away from him and turned to face him. You were going to put on a bit of a show, you decided, because why the fuck not. It was clear at this point that he wanted you as much as you wanted him, so why pretend like anything else was happening?

So when the lyrics Let me see you get/High then go low/Now, girl won't you drop that thing down to the floor? fell through the speakers you dropped to the ground, Harry’s eyes following you came back up slowly, your body just inches from his. His hands fell on your body, grabbing at your waist to keep you close, pressing his hips forward to grind right over the front of your jeans and you panted from both the heat in the room and the pleasure ripping through your body. When the chorus came again, you dropped down, and this time you ran your hands down his legs lightly as you moved, fingers dancing down and then back up the seams of his jeans.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he said and you could barely hear him over the music.

His eyes met yours, searing into yours, a question passing between you. And then you were moving towards each other, an answer to the question in the way your lips met, slotted together and pulled at one another. Your hands were pulling at his shirt, grabbing at the material and the skin underneath, one of his hand holding your head close to his,  the other at your waist. It was fast and messy, your lip pulling on his bottom one, before chasing him, his tongue brushing at the seam of your lips before dipping inside.

Kissing Harry was hot. It was like setting your whole body on fire with desire and you just wanted to know what the rest of him felt like because his lips were sending you to another planet. He tugged on your bottom lip with his teeth and a moan escaped you, desperation clear in your throat. You could feel bodies press around you, the notes of Fire by Louis the Child ringing through the room. When the beat dropped, you knew people were jumping, the guys doing that thing where they slammed into each other like some kind of mosh. But Harry just stayed there, pulling his lips into yours, drawing wet pants from your body. He was holding tight to you as if you were going to slip away, even though that was the last place you wanted to go.

But you decided you wanted to tease him a bit more. Not let him get away, but just…push him a bit. So you drew away, enough to where you could dance, your sorority sisters at your back—you had seen Alexis move behind you. You grinding on her, your asses touching, and you could hear her laughter, before moving against you. It was something you two always did, dancing partners since the moment you met.

“If I go down in flames/The smoke going to spell my name,” you sang.

Harry watched you, his eyes burning a line down your body, the ministrations of your hips against Alexis’s. And then he was moving towards you, his front pressed yours and his lips were at your ear. “Drink?”

You nodded, and let him pull you through the crowd and towards the stairs. People were moving down them and you pressed yourself to the wall to let them pass, before following Harry up the stairs to the main floor. “Is there anything better than that shit?” You asked him when you stood next to him, his arm loosely around your waist, holding you to him.

His gaze drifted to the bar and then back to you. “I’ve got some stuff in my room.”

You knew he lived in the house, the result of being on exec last year and having first dibs after the current exec board was placed, the hierarchy the same as in your own sorority house. “Do you have mixers?” As much as you drank, you still hated drinking most straight alcohol, especially if you were going to be sipping on it. When he nodded, you replied, “Let’s go.”

You caught the eye of Emily who was standing on the other side of the room, watching you, and you pointed upstairs to tell her where you were going. After she gave you a thumbs up, letting you know she’d check in before leaving, a silent conversation well rehearsed over the years, you followed Harry up the stairs. Other guys and girls streamed down them, coming from rooms where they were smoking or using the bathroom or drinking just like you.

“What floor are you on?”  You asked when you passed the first floor, twisting to go up the second flight.

“Third,” he replied, not pausing no the stairs. “It’s quieter.”

That made sense, as you could imagine if he didn’t feel like partying one night it would be kind of hard to avoid. You followed him up, the sound of the music fading as you made your way higher into the frat house. You passed other girls on the way you exchanged hugs and promises to catch up after chapter on Monday night. Finally, you made it to the third floor, and Harry pushed open the door to a room with his name on it.

You followed him in and the first thing you noticed was how much of a boy’s room it was. Messy comforter, clothes on the floor, alcohol bottles lining the window sill, the frat’s flag above his bed. Some posters and photos littered the opposite wall, a single framed photo of what looked like his family on his dresser, along with some random items like cologne and a brush and hair ties. A pair of athletic shoes and boots were shoved into one corner, and a tub of protein powder sat on top of his mini-fridge, along with a stack of solo cups. On his desk was a bong and a couple of lighters, his computer sitting next to it on a charger. The dorm room was narrow, most of it taken up with a double bed that you were a bit confused by, since most rooms just had a single.  

“Sorry, it’s kind of a mess,” he said, shutting the door behind you. If you focused on it, you could hear nerves in his voice, a low laugh in the back of his throat as he surveyed his room. “Didn’t expect to have people up here.”

“It’s fine,” you told him, moving into the middle of the room to get out of the doorway, taking in the space.

“Uh, I’ve got Tito’s, Jack, some gin one of the guys got me.”

It drew you back to the whole reason you were in his room. He was standing next to his mini-fridge, a solo cup in his hand as he looked at you. “What mixers do you have?”

“Coke, juice, and tonic,” he replied. “Sorry, it’s not much.”

You shook your head. “Tito’s and tonic,” you told him. Usually you would’ve been all over the Jack and coke option, but considering how much you’d already drank the last thing you needed was to mix clear and dark liquors.

You watched him pour, leaning against his desk as you waited. He handed you the cup, asking you to try it and tell him if it was too strong. You took a sip and it was strong, but not too much. Then, he made a whiskey and coke you were jealous of, and the two of you stood in his room, not quite sure what to do. You didn’t want to go back down the party, the feeling of fresh air—even though it smelled vaguely like college boy, a mixture of sweat and cologne that you keenly recognized—feeling good on your skin.

“Want to listen to some music?” He asked, moving towards you. There was a bluetooth speaker on his desk, you realized,  and shifted away so he could get at his computer.  

You decided to sit on the bed, thighs resting on the soft comforter. “Sure.” You pulled your cigarettes and lighter from your back pocket, before looking back at him.

He fiddled with the speaker, the sound of it connecting ricocheting in the small room, before clicking keys to wake up his computer. “Any preferences?”

“I’m good with whatever,” you replied. “I like pretty much everything.” It was true, you had everything from country to Top 40s and rap on your Spotify, a variety of playlists to fit the mood.

He pulled on his bottom lip with his thumb and forefinger as he perused his Spotify and you tried not to focus on the sight. Low music began to sound in the room and you immediately recognized the beginning notes of Let Her Go by 6LACK,  a smile drifting onto your face. He must have noticed, because he turned around, his cup in his hand. “You like 6LACK?”

“More like obsessed,” you replied and he chuckled.

He sat on the edge of the desk, his knees falling open, his back slumped a bit. “I don’t know a single girl who even knows who he is.”

You took a sip of your drink before replying, resting your body back on one hand. “They must not have good music taste, then.”

Harry gave you a small smile, an edge of playfulness to it. “Where’s home for you?”

“Denver,” you responded. “You?”

“Holmes Chapel.”

“Where’s that?”

He brushed a hand through his hair, the long locks slipping between his fingers and you couldn’t help but wish you were the one doing it. “South of Manchester. It’s a small town, lots of fields and shit like that.”

You’d never been to England so you had no idea of where Manchester was, but you didn’t ask. “Do you like it?”

He shrugged. “It’s fine. I don’t want to like, move back or anything. But it’s a good place to go home to.”

Denver felt the same way to you—it was home, but it wasn’t a place you saw a future in. You’d go where law school took you, and then the work, wherever you could make the biggest impact. “Where do you want to go?”

The solo cup hung in his hands, and he twirled it a bit, the rim of the cup pressed between his fingers. “LA, maybe. New York. Not sure, really. London, most likely, unless I can get a job and someone to sponsor my Visa so I can stay.”

“Do you like the states?” You knew you were asking a lot of questions, but you’d never had a conversation like this with him and you were curious. Curious about him, about who he was, underneath all the frat shit that he loved so much.

“It’s different than home,” he replied, and you understood what he meant. “I don’t think I’ll want to be here forever, but it’s good for right now. Got friends here now.”

You took another sip of your drink, and then pushed yourself up, the need to pee suddenly overtaking your body. “Where’s the bathroom?”  

“Down the hall. Make sure you slam on the door before locking it—it got fucked up during homecoming and hasn’t been the same ever since.”

You nodded and took your cup with you, four years of college ingraining some lessons into your bones. Down the hall, you found a blond wood door and a doorknob that was barely attached to the door. You pushed it open and shut it quickly, shoving against it with your shoulder so that you could flip the lock. Inside, you wondered for the millionth time why boys were in capable from having a properly stocked bathroom. Head & Shoulders shampoo littered the floor of the shower,  a flimsy shower curtain that had come free from a couple of the rings. You squatted to pee, grabbing the toilet paper roll that sat on top of the toilet, no one even bothering to properly put it away.

As you peed, you scrolled through your phone. Mallory had texted saying she was going bar hopping with some of her friends and you told her to text you if she needed anything and a heart, before checking her on Find My Friends to see she was, in fact at a bar. Then you texted your group chat with Emily and Alexis and Maya, who had asked how you were doing. You told them you were with Harry and most likely going to be here for a while, which got excited responses and Alexis sent the eggplant emoji, which made you snort. They told you to text you if you ended up staying the night so they could keep track of where you were, which you agree to do.

When you went to wash your hands, you rolled your eyes because of course they couldn’t even buy hand soap. You went to the shower and found a bottle of body wash, and squirted some into your hands before going back to the sink, rinsing them off. Then you looked at your face in the mirror, eyeliner and mascara still in tact, but your hair was a disaster. You pulled the bun free and let your hair tumble down your back, running through it with your fingers to calm the strands that were askew.

Standing the mirror, you had the opportunity to consider your choices. Did you want to hook up with Harry? Yes. That was a clear answer, despite your alcohol-hazed mind. Did he want to? Most likely—every indication had pointed towards yes. So your mind was made up as you pulled the door open and made your way back to his room, your phone tucked into your jeans and solo cup in your hand.

“You guys really need soap.”

He was still sitting on the edge of his desk, scrolling through his phone and sipping on his drink when you came into the room. At the sight of you, he put his phone down. “I know—it’s fucking disgusting. I have my own, though. Sorry for not sharing.”

You set your cup on his dresser, deciding you were done, and moved towards him. “It’s fine. I made do.” His eyes trailed down your front, the sexual tension thick in the room. When he pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed on it, you decided fuck it you were done waiting.

You crossed the space between the two of you in second, slotting yourself between his knees. His hands found your waist immediately, his solo cup moving to rest on the table once your body was pressed to his. Without pausing, you pressed your lips to his, reconnecting them in a fire—you needed him, you wanted him, you craved his hands on your skin. Now that you were alone, it was like you couldn’t hold yourself together and neither could he. His hands moved up and down your back, tugging you into his chest as your hands curled in his long hair. Lips fought for dominance, teeth tugging and tongues pressing for more. When he licked into your mouth a wet moan left your lips and you pressed into the crotch of his pants without even meaning to.

6LACK was still flowing through the speaker, and the smooth RnB just adding to the desire rolling through your body. When his lips dropped to your neck, sucking and biting on your skin, a desperate, filthy noise fell from your mouth and you couldn’t help but smile when Harry grunted into you. “I—fuck,” he mumbled, squeezing at your hips.

Suddenly your clothes were too warm, burning against your skin. You leaned back and pulled at the hem of your tank top, pulling it up over your head and letting it fall to the floor. Harry’s eyes went wide, blown out irises from alcohol and desire criss-crossing over your body. “You can touch me,” you said, confidence coursing through your veins and just desperate for him to do something.

He didn’t hesitate, pulling you back into him and attaching his mouth to the swell of your breast, right above the lace of your bra. Hot breath on your skin had you keening into him, back arching up into his mouth, your fingers tugging into his hair. You loved his hair, having something to hold onto and anchor yourself, and from the pleased hums he liked it too. His hands fumbled with your bra clasp, and when he got it free and pulled the material away, he pulled your nipple into his mouth and you audibly sighed. When he sucked on it, then laved over it with his tongue you couldn’t help but buck into him. You were putty in his arms and he had barely done anything.

Your hands pulled at his shirt, the desire to see his skin overwhelming you. He didn’t make you wait, helping you tug it over his head, and let it drop to the floor. Black ink scattered across his skin, words and images that made a million questions swirl in your mind. The G on his shoulder, the ship on his bicep, the name Jackson scrawled above a rose, the swallows across his collarbones and a butterfly on his stomach. He sat there, chest heaving as he caught his breath and your fingers brushed his skin, curiosity getting the better of you.

“Y/N,” he rasped, “bed?”

“Yes.” The word fell from your lips with ease, and he was backing you into it immediately, hands in your hair and lips on yours. Your bare chests touching sent you into overdrive, the brush of your nipples on his warm skin, a sheen of sweat covering both of you from dancing all night.

The comforter was plush underneath your back as you scrambled up the length of his bed, his body following yours immediately. Your legs fell apart so he could fit between you, and when he did, his dick rested right against your clothed clit and it made you gasp. “Feel good?” He mumbled, the words a haze in your ears as he plucked your lips between his.

All you could do was buck up, your knees finding either side of him. You wanted to be on top, to be in control. You wanted to grind on him properly, after waiting for so long. With a hand at his chest, you pushed slightly, enough for him to move back. He must have understood what you wanted because he flopped onto the bed next to you, one hand on either of your thighs and you mounted him, your ass sitting on the top of his thighs.

When you moved your center over his dick, both of you groaned, deep and drawn out, your head thrown back in pleasure. It was bliss, after so much waiting, to finally be able to do this, his hands crawling from your thighs to your hips to hold you in place, exactly where he wanted you. You put your hands on his chest to hold yourself up, and let your hips find a sinful rhythm, one that was making pleasure curl in your stomach. Pants left your mouth, matched by Harry, who was watching you as if you were a fucking art exhibit, eyes trying to take in every inch of you. Fingernails curled into his skin, red marks that you expected to be there tomorrow, when he nudged at your clit, and you rubbed that spot a few more times, his name falling from your lips in a beg. “Harry.”

That had him moving, pulling your lips down to his so he could kiss you again, his fingers cradling the back of your head. It was just rough enough where you were scrambling to catch up and it felt good, that this was consuming every part of your brain. You rolled your hips again, your hands pressing into the pillow under his head. Then, you felt his thighs agains your ass, and he was pushing up into you, making him snugly flush against you, the only thing between you two being your clothes.

Which you wanted off, and wanted off now. You moved back, crawling between his legs, and his eyes followed you, panting as he watched you pop the button on his pants. He lifted his hips to help you and you tugged the tight skinny jeans that showed every inch of his thickness underneath them down his legs. Then, you pulled on his briefs, and he was bare in front of you, exactly as you wanted him. Your jeans were constricting your movement so you turned tot he side, pulling the denim off of your body so you were left in your underwear.

Then you were on him again, but this time, it was your hand on his dick, fingers running up the length of him.

“Fuck,” he said, voice husky in your ears. He was gorgeous underneath you, desperation making his eyebrows crease, his long hair a mess on the pillow. Why had you waited so long to act on this desire? You suddenly couldn’t remember.

He watched you spit onto his most sensitive part, and then slide your hand over him, spreading the moisture. He hissed at the feeling and you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long here—he was already hard, his tip red and throbbing. The fact that you had him this turned on and you’d barely done anything made your ego soar, to be honest. You pumped him three times before licking up the underside of him, his hands curling in the comforter, a stream of curses falling from his lips.

When you took him into your mouth, a low, rough grunt filled the room and you smiled. You hollowed your cheeks and immediately took him all the way into your mouth, resisting the urge to gag when he hit the back of your throat. “Shit,” he rasped. “You—shit.”  

You’d done what you were about to give him just a handful of times before, only with people who you knew you would feel pleasure from too when they did it, and trusted. And Harry fit both of those categories, because he could fucking smile and you’d want to fuck him. So you grabbed his hand and placed it on the back of your head, before taking him all the way to the back of your throat. Your mouth was full of him and it felt so good.

“Want me to fuck your mouth?” His eyes were glimmering in the light, completely focused on you. You were happy you had left the lights on, because it meant you could every inch of him, every reaction you drew from him.

In response, you licked at his tip, hoping he knew that meant yes.

He seemed to, because he curled his fingers into your hair and pushed his hips up, his tip hitting your throat immediately. You groaned around his dick and he cursed at the vibrations. Then, he kept his hips on the bed and instead pulled you up and down him, fucking your mouth just as you had wanted. You couldn’t do much from this position, so you focused on inhaling through your nose and running your hands over his skin, scratching at the butterfly on his torso. Leaving reminders of this night, of you, on his body.

“Shit,” he mumbled, pulling you off. “I—I have to stop. But, shit, you feel so good, babe.”

The pet name made you smile, sitting back on your heels to wipe at your mouth, the taste of his salty precum still on your tongue. “Do you have a condom?” You asked, because all that you had done had left you more than ready—you needed him inside of you.

Harry’s eyes went wide and he scrambled up. “Fuck,” he exhaled, grabbing at his desk drawer and pulling it open. Watching him look through his drawers completely naked was, you had to admit, a bit amusing, but you kept your thoughts to yourself. He wrenched another drawer open, tossing the contents about as he looked. Then he sighed, and looked back at you. “I’m out.”

“Go find one,” you told him, leaning back against the wall, letting your knees drop open to show your underwear. You could feel the wet spot on them and you knew he saw it too. “I’ll wait here.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll—yeah I’ll find one.” He pulled on his jeans, not even bothering with his briefs, eyes flickering to you every once and a while. “Shit, I’ll—I’ll be back.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at how flustered he was, pushing open his door and letting it slam shut behind him. Through the door you could hear him knocking on the door next to his, some muffled words, and then him knocking again. He was going fucking door to door looking for a condom, you realized with amusement. Then, the patter of feet on the stairs, and you knew he was going downstairs, that no one else was in their rooms.

While you waited, you grabbed your phone and scrolled through it. Caught up on texts, liked shit on Instagram, checked Snapchat even though you barely used the app. Most people were at bars, as far as you could tell, but it looked like they’d set back up pong downstairs according to Emily’s story.

All of a sudden, feet pounded on the stairs and you knew it was Harry. You pushed your phone back onto the desk, and when the door opened, he was standing there holding probably ten condoms. “How many did you get?”

He looked down at the wad in his hand and visibly blushed. “I—I thought I’d re-stock.”

You let it slide, even though you knew exactly why he got so many. He was hoping you’d have a couple rounds, and  you were not opposed to the idea. “Come here,” you said, and let your legs fall back open.

He was on you in second, his pants kicked down his legs as he moved and you were surprised he didn’t trip. Hands found your skin and he pushed you up the bed, this time he was the one hovering over you, lips drawing eager mewls from you. You pressed your hips into his unclothed erection and he cursed, a grimace crossing his face that you knew was from him restraining himself. “Can I take these off?” He asked, fingers pulling at your underwear.

“Please,” you replied and that made him smile at you. He peeled them down your legs, tossing them to the ground, a forgotten memory. Then he brushed a finger over your slit and you gasped, cool touch sending waves of pleasure through you. “Need you.” The two words made his head snap up from where he was looking at your pussy, eyes connecting with yours.

“I was going to go down on you,” he said, and although the thought was tantalizing, you needed him inside of you.

You shook your head. “Later.”

Harry wasn’t complaining. He grabbed one of the condoms from his desk and ripped it open, rolling it down his dick with a concentrated gaze. Then, he crawled up your body, reconnecting your lips, and you both sighed at the feeling of his dick rolling against your center. “Okay?” He asked, pulling away just a hair to check in.

“Please,” you begged, and that had him moving immediately.

He tugged one of your legs around his waist, and then he gripped his dick, brushing his tip to your slit once, twice, three times. On the third time, though, he pressed in, and your wetness accepted him immediately, allowing him to push in about halfway before he stopped.

It burned a bit—mainly just from his size, which was bigger than most other guys you’d been with. You hands scrambled across his chest, grabbing at his skin, struggling to get your breathing under control. “You’re big,” you said, unable to stop the words that fell from your lips.

A cocky smile drifted over his face and you mentally kicked yourself for adding to his ego. “Can I move?” He asked though and you nodded. His head bobbed down, and you realized he was watching where you two were connected as he pulled back and then pushed in all the way. A choked moan left your mouth and a similar one sounded from Harry’s, although his had a string of curses attached. “Fuck, you’re tight,” he rasped, hands adjusting so they were next to your head, his face above yours. “Fuck.”

You were about to tell him to move when he did it on his own accord, pulling out and back into you, the impact making your body shift on the comforter. There was a very real possibility of you having sore legs tomorrow, but you really didn’t give a fuck because he felt so good. “Holy shit,” you babbled, those words the only ones you could find as he thrusted in and out of you, finding a rhythm that made you both pant with pleasure.

Sounds drifted out of you without you even realizing, something that always happened when you had drunk sex. You couldn’t control yourself as much, unable to process how loud you were being, what you were saying. Looking back you couldn’t even remember exactly what you had said, but you knew it was a mess of curses and his name and God and just pants and mewls that were feeding Harry like a fucking three course meal.

He loved your sounds, used them to figure out what you liked, where to move and shift. You could tell because when you’d let out a sharp gasp he’d say, “Yeah, there? That’s the spot?” and drive in and out of you, hitting your g-spot perfectly with every move of his hips. Your hands were clutching at his hair as he thrusted into you, your ankles hooked around his lower back, and your body was desperate for release.

But you could also tell he was not going to last. His eyes were heavy, eyelids drawing shut with pleasure, fingers curling in the pillow next to you. Shoulders tensing and abdomen tight as he swiveled his hips, a broken moan falling between you. “Close,” he finally said, and dropped down to his elbows, so his face hovered above yours, only a hair away. “You feel so good, shit, oh my god—how do you feel so good?” His words were broken and that made them even better, that he had no control over what he was saying.

“Want you to come,” you babbled, “want to feel it, come on Harry, come for me, please, I need it.”

“Holy fuck—“ that had him snapping into you, hips slapping against yours, the sound of skin on skin overpowering the music that still played in the background. You gripped his shoulders when his head hung in the crook of your shoulder, and you knew he was about to come.

So you said one more thing. “I need you to come, Harry, please.” The words came out as a beg, exactly as you intended. His hips were stuttering immediately, curses falling between you like a broken record, repeating over and over again as he shot into the condom. He smattered kisses on your shoulder as he collapsed into you, sweat sticking to your skin.

He laid there for a second, panting, and you didn’t mind, even though you desperately needed to come. Perhaps it was how you clamped down on him, or you shifted your hips to feel slightly more of him, but Harry seemed to figure out what you needed. He lifted his head, took one look at you, and then pulled out, ripping off the condom and tossing it into his trash before crawling down your legs.

When his tongue licked your slit, you mewled his name, your hands moving into his hair immediately. You tugged and pulled on it as he licked over you, drawing circles that pulled desire from your flesh. And then he went inside, darting his deftly skilled tongue into you and practically thrusting it into you. His thumb brushed across your nub and you let our a shuddering moan, bucking up into his face. You were close—insanely close—the combination of his tongue inside of you and the thumb on your nub drawing you closer and closer to the edge.

“Harry,” you rasped, voice broken from panting. “I’m close.”

He seemed double his effort, tongue moving in and out of you at double time, his thumb brushing a brutal pace over you. You were twisting in his arms, hips bucking, curses leaving your lips. And when he pulled his thumb away and sucked on your clit, that’s when you came, in a mess of his name and broken gasps, choking on air. Your fingers curled tightly in his hair, anchoring his face to your center as you came, bucking up into him. He didn’t mind though, he just held your hips and took it, licking at you to draw out all of your aftershocks. Your eyes squeezed shut and your mind was a mess, swirling without the ability to grasp onto a single thread of thought, just a mess under his lips.

When you finally regained the ability to breathe, you pulled your hands from his hair and he sat up. You watched in awe as he licked his lips, gathering your juice, and swallowed them, a smile on his face. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re really good at that?”

He gave you a cocky expression and then flopped down next to you. “They have, in fact.”

“Good. I’d be concerned about the other girls if they hadn’t.”

He laughed, and then pulled you into his body. You were surprised at his desire to cuddle, but you weren’t mad. “You can stay if you want. There’s people downstairs still and it’s cold out.”

You propped your head up on his shoulder. “There’s also all those condoms.”

“That’s true. Wouldn’t want them to go to waste.”

You trailed your fingers up his torso. “Might have to just stay the whole weekend if we’re trying to use them all.”

His eyebrows quirked, but he wasn’t mad at the prospect. “Wanna be my study break for the weekend?”

You smirked, leaning up to quickly peck his lips. “As long as you’re mine.”

He hauled your body on top of his and curled his fingers into your hair. “We’ll get your shit in the morning, then.”

“It’s a deal.” You kissed him, lips slotting against one another, slower and less hurried than before, but that same undercurrent of desire stringing between you two. You were already grinding into him, hips brushing over his as you moved.

Suddenly, a pounding sound came from the door, and you froze. “Fuck off!” Harry called, pulling the comforter that had ended up at the bottom of the bed over the two of you.

“Fuck—sorry—I need a condom, man.” The words were muffled, but you heard them all the same.

Harry snorted, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “Go ask Nick,” he replied, “and leave me the fuck alone.” His hands grabbed at you, kneading into your ass, and you licked at his nipple.

It was going to be a long weekend.

SEND ME CONCEPTS ABOUT Y/N AND HARRY!

[alreadyblondenow]

I want it and I f*cking got it

Lee Haechan x virgin!reader 

high school setting / crush became boyfriend 

Themes: FLUFF, SMUT

Summary: You are the shining new girl and the Lee Haechan has eyes on you.

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: This some high school shit realness haha, theres a part where he touched her without consent, swearing, detailed (?) smut, smut again, mentions of blowjob, fingering, oral, mentions of other idols, unprotected sex (pulling out), mentions of alcohol

A/N: Inspired by Hairspray’s ‘I can hear the bells’, I made this just for fun so I can take a break from writing fics with heavy plots. If there are misplaced words or typos I’m sorry. Happy reading!

.........................................................................

Lee Haechan, is so handsome.

That’s the first thing that came in your head when you saw him at the hallway for the first time. He was with his friends Mark, Renjun and Jeno laughing and teasing each other while walking to their next class. You on the other hand is watching them from a far while you put your books and other stuff in your locker.

“Forget it, he’s with Lia. The most popular girl in school” Yeri nudge you and told you more facts about Lia and Haechan. Because of your cousin Yeri, you’re now updated about your crush’s love life. In less than a minute you found out that they’ve been dating basically since freshman year, “those two are inseparable” she added.

A mild heat slowly builds up around your body because they will walk pass by you so you decided to turn your back on them. But then someone bumped you hard that you almost hit your head on your locker door. You wanted to shout and curse at the person who bumped you but you became speechless when you finally saw who it was.

“Oh sorry. I didn’t mean to bump you. The hallways can be so crowded, you should be careful”

Lee Haechan smiled and pats your head and went to his third period. Definitely unprepared and you didn’t expect that that will be your first interaction with him. It happened so fast. You can’t believe it but that sure made you smile from ear to ear, even your cousin was surprised. Being the new girl wasn’t so bad after all when you have Lee Haechan as your happy crush.

ROUND 1

The next day, during your English Literature class with Haechan, he tapped your shoulder and gave you a small piece of paper which you accepted when Mr. Kim wasn’t looking.

I’m really sorry about yesterday. Hope you’re okay -Fullsun

You wrote back with caution, thinking about how you’re just being polite and that this is not considered flirting.

No harm done. Thank you for the reminder about the hallways.  

You turned your back and faced him quickly, gave him the paper with a smile then faced front again. Just like that the chance to flirt back with your crush slipped away. Why? Because you didn’t want to play with fire and ruin your good girl reputation in your new school by flirting with your crush who has a girlfriend.  

Day by day, Haechan tries to start a simple conversation with you before class starts. Telling you how you look you look nice, asking you what did you eat for breakfast, updating you about the weather, and basically everything he could ever think of just to get the chance to talk to you.

It gets harder and harder to avoid Haechan so you gave up and gave him the satisfaction of finally having a decent conversation with you. It was in the middle of watching Titanic during class when he started to whisper beside your ear softly that sends tingles to your spine. Everyone was quiet and focused to how handsome Leonardo DiCaprio is while you focus on how Haechan melts your heart whispering how he loves this movie.  

“That movie is the movie of my life”

“I agree that it’s a great movie. Nicely made and deserving for it’s awards but I still don’t know it’s connection with our English Lit” you whispered back to him, trying to be subtle as possible so you wont get caught by Mr. Kim. “I think Mr. Kim is a hopeless romantic, and so are you”

He giggled quietly at what you said to him, trying so hard not to forget how your voice sounds like the whole time you were whispering beside him. The next think you know, you two were keeping the conversation going until he caught you crying and hands you his handkerchief. It was not necessary but you felt him caress your head and pat it softly to give you comfort.

If the Lee Haechan is normally friendly like this, so be it. You decided to befriend him if you can’t flirt with him, you started talking whenever he sees you around school, during lunch breaks, class hours or dismissal. He continued giving you small notes during class that mainly contains questions about Romeo and Juliet, or whenever he notices that Mr. Kim’s tie doesn’t go with his outfit. Even giving you songs to listen to and a Micheal Jackson playlist.  Little did you know he was flirting already.

“Hey, Jeno is having a party this Friday. You should go” your heart thumps the whole time you were putting your books inside your bag while Haechan was talking to you about Jeno’s party. “since you’re new here, I can introduce you around” he added and gave you an awkward smile.

“Not sure” you shook your head.

“Give me your phone” you didn’t have a choice but you handed it to him. You watch him save his number and name himself ‘Fullsun ☀️’. “Here, text me if you’ll go. I got you, I promise”

After that conversation with Haechan, you told Yeri the whole story which she finds hard to believe. You even showed her Haechan’s contact to make her believe you and she screeched like a bird when she finally did. “Not bad cousin! You should totally go, meet the popular kids you know” she winked at you, “who knows maybe you’ll be friends with Jeno and you can introduce him to me”

“Psh. Yeah, and show Lia that I’m interested with his sexy hot boyfriend? No thanks”

“Ooh by the way, update about the couple…” Yeri stopped walking, “they’re not together anymore. Shocker right? Story says, Lia told Haechan he’s not good enough for her”

“What the actual fu- How perfect does she think she is?”

How can someone say that to someone perfect like Haechan. What Yeri just told you made you swim with never ending thoughts about Haechan. Like, how is he holding on? Is he okay? Because he looked totally fine during the days he was talking to you. Should you really go to the party for him? “Thanks for the update Yeri, I’ll think about it. See you in school!”

When you’re finally home and relaxed, you thought maybe you could give the party a shot. It’s not that you hate parties, it’s just that you don’t know enough people to have fun in a party. But still, even though you’re convinced to go you always find a reason to stop yourself.

While you’re busy contemplating if you’re going to the party, Haechan is busy thinking about you and waiting for your text. Hoping that you will come save him from the sea of people judging him because of his ex Lia. “You do realise that once that girl step foot in this house and people start seeing you together, that will totally bring chaos in her life” Mark came out of nowhere with a cup of beer for Haechan.

“It’s my first time liking someone, I’m not going to let the chance slip away to try and win her”

“What do you mean first time? How about Lia?”

“Oh come on dude, you know I never liked Lia, it’s just a stupid favor I did for my family. I tried to like her. But really, I can’t” he scoffed and took a sip, “y/n gave me reasons everyday to like her”

Mark tried to warn his best friend but he figured he was too late. Haechan is already head over heels and no one can stop him from making a move to you. “Yeah, you’re right. This is the first time I see you smile because of a girl” Mark chugged his beer and left Haechan to get a refill.

To be completely honest, Haechan is scared to drag you with the drama that comes with him the moment he finally confess to you. He thought about ways on how to avoid all that and what Mark said when suddenly his phone dings.

You: Sorry it took me awhile. Send me the address?

This time, it’s Haechan who’s smiling from ear to ear because of you and nervous because you’re finally coming.

ROUND 2

You put on a simple white shirt, black pants, your favorite shoes and your favorite biker jacket. Hoping that Haechan will like your simplicity and that the party will appreciate people who underdress. Now that you know the truth between him and Lia, you’re not holding yourself back. If Haechan flirts with you tonight, you will definitely flirt back.

“You look iconic, come on I’ll get you a drink” he welcomed you with a hug outside Jeno’s house which you think is nice, he didn’t let you step inside a stranger’s house alone. The house looks great and you’re sure that without the neon lights scattered everywhere the house will definitely look like a home. Besides the generous amount of neon lights, the house is loud and full of jumping teenagers who are all strangers to you.

To your surprise, Haechan grabbed hold to your hand so you wont get lost in the crowd. You follow his lead which brought you to the mini bar beside the pool full of horny teenagers who are probably having pool sex at this very second.

“No hard drinks for the lady please” he said to his friend Renjun who mixes the drinks. He saw you and Haechan still holding each other’s hands and he quickly gave Haechan a teasing look that made him let go of you. “Before my dumb friend gets you into trouble, let me introduce myself” he offered his hand for you to shake which you gladly accepted, “Hi, I’m Renjun. I made every mixed drink you see in this party”

Haechan rolled his eyes and mouthed ‘show off’ towards his friend. “Impressive, and you’re not getting tired?- Oh y/n by the way” you shake his hand firmly and the next thing you know Haechan is getting the drinks and dragging you away from his friend to meet the other two, which you already knew who they are. Mark is the smart one and Jeno is the captain of the Taekwondo team.

The night went on beautifully and fun while you two flirt with each other the whole time in front of everyone to see without giving even one fuck about what they say behind your back. Even though you’re already a little buzzed because of the alcohol, you didn’t miss how Haechan placed his hand while he helps you win the beer pong game against Jeno and Mark, which again isn’t necessary because you know how to play beer pong.

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough fun for tonight. I’m taking you home” Haechan said while helping you put your jacket. He walked you home under the quiet and dark neighbourhood, laughing quietly while he tells you the most funniest jokes. Neither one of you don’t want to finish this night but it’s getting late, “thank you for inviting me to Jeno’s party” you said, stopping in front of your house. Crossing your arms and telling yourself that if this guy kiss you tonight, you’re going to scare him and make fun of him.

“Yeah, I definitely can tell you had fun” he slowly went closer to you and kissed your lips. Letting him fall to your trap. You pushed him away with enough force that tells him to stop, “s-sorry. I thought, were on the same page” Haechan panics and apologised immediately.

“Am I some kind of rebound? Or you’re just flirting because you want your ex to get jealous and win her back?” what you said was part true, you do want to know his intentions.

He breathes heavily before he explains with shaking voice, “The relationship I had with Lia is something I did for my mom, because my mom and Lia’s mom are friends and they want us to end up with each other. And I clearly don’t like that idea. I tried liking Lia but I couldn’t force myself when what I feel tells me exactly the truth and the answers to my questions”

He moved away to you while he’s pouring his heart out by explaining and telling you the truth. Hearing it made you feel guilty but at the same time you’re praising yourself for being a genius because you got Haechan to tell you the truth effortlessly.

“Quite frankly I don’t want this to end. If I fuck this up so what, I don’t care. I’ll fix it. I’m going to start over again, even if it means I have to bump on you accidentally on the hallway. Again. Just- fuck, I didn’t mean to move so fast, I’m so sorry” Haechan can hear his own heart beat, nervous that you’re just standing in front of him with crossed arms and not saying anything after everything he told you.  

Soon, you can’t hold it in even longer. You burst into laughter and giggled loudly. Bringing Haechan closer to you and cupping his handsome face, admiring how cute he is with panic eyes. “It’s a joke. I’m sorry I made you nervous, handsome” you put your arms around Haechan’s neck and watch him get playfully annoyed to you. He shook his head on disbelief because you’re the only person who can match with his wit.

“Kiss me again?” you asked oh so sweetly, raking his soft hair.

He nods his head and kissed you again, softer than before and even meaningful than the first. You felt him smile in between kissing when you finally kissed him back. Savouring the feeling of your lips on his and the warmth of your embrace. And when the kiss is over, he puts his thumb on your lips, swiping the spit on those pretty lips. “Is this finally good night?” he asked, still looking at your lips.

“Sad to say, yes. Unless you find a way to climb up quietly to my room?”

He let out a soft giggle, “No. I don’t want to move so fast. Talk to you when I get home?”

“Yes please” before you two part ways, he gave you one last peck on the lips and finally let you go.

When Haechan got home, you were tucked in bed and waiting for your phone to ring and answer his call. And when he finally did, you two can’t see it but you’re both smiling widely while talking to each other and just hearing each other’s voices makes your heart flutter. It didn’t bother you two if the sun is shinning brightly already, Haechan waited for you to get tired and eventually fall asleep. Before he ends the call, he whispered a soft good night through the phone and went to bed with a smile.

ROUND 3

Come Monday, you were just telling Yeri about your weekend with Haechan and his friends and talking like how you two normally do around school when Lia blocked your way out on the girl’s restroom. “So you’re the new girl? If it wasn’t for you, Hyuck and I would still be together. You just had to ruin everything we’ve built for our relationship when you decided to go to this school”  

“Not my fault you didn’t locked him up before I transfer schools. But it is my fault that you’re single now” you flashed a teasing smile at her before you head out and made sure to bump her shoulder on purpose. That would teach her a lesson and she will definitely know you’re not just anybody.

Truth be told you don’t want any fight because of someone who doesn’t understand the core meaning of the word ‘breakup.’ It’s clear that she’s just mad that you’re seeing Haechan now and that he’s more than happy with the relationship. But you can’t let someone treat you bad just because you got who you want, fair and square.

After school, you and Haechan went to his house to do some studying for English Literature. You love how it’s so quiet around their neighbourhood and the golden ray of light hits Haechan’s skin perfectly. From now on, golden hours with Haechan will be your thing.

You two sat on their hammock swing chair at their backyard, enjoying the golden hour by talking and giggling like little kids on a swing. “Who made this swing? I feel like I’m a baby” you said, feeling so comfortable beside Haechan.

“You are a baby. My baby” he raised his eyebrows once and winked at you. As your heart flutter because of what he said, you rolled your eyes at him and gave him a peck on the lips. Just a peck, because you knew all too well he will ask for more.

“What? That’s it? Just a peck?” he whines on disappointment.

“Yes. That’s all, come on. Homework time” breaking away from his embrace, you force yourself to stand up and convince Haechan to start studying. He brought you to your room so you two could focus on studying and to have some privacy after doing the homework.

“Guess who blocked my way at the girl’s restroom earlier” you sat on Haechan’s lap and put your arms around his neck.

“I know. Jeno told me he found Lia crying with Yeji and Ryunjin” he starts kissing your neck then realised he shouldn’t. “Listen, that girl is drama and I know you can take care of her but I just want to have a peaceful relationship with you. Please, just ignore her. These people will bring you down, and the more you notice them the more they will ruin you”

And it’s true what Haechan said, for the following weeks Lia’s group of friends has been hating you with all their might. Typical high school bullies who won’t stop at nothing but when Haechan took care of it, you felt so proud and safe. The look on Lia’s face when Haechan stood up for you in front of everyone definitely gave you the satisfaction and happiness. From there on, no one dares to meddle with your relationship with Haechan.

Things has been great between you and Haechan, you met his sister and his parents which are all adorable. Although his mom is still in favor with Lia, but nonetheless she respects Haechan’s decision.

After graduation, you spend too much time on Haechan’s place and sometimes things can go out of control. In the middle of making out with Haechan, your eyes widened when he suddenly slips his hand under your shirt and pull down the left cup of your bra. It felt uncomfortable and violating so you pushed him away from you.

“Nah, I’m not falling for that” you can’t believe what you’re hearing from your boyfriend and it’s making you crazy how suffocating it felt the whole time he was groping your boobs and pinching your nipples. Haechan thought you pushing him away was a prank like the one you did when he kissed you for the first time.

But he heard you sobbing and it made him stop. “Shit- shit! I’m sorry” he covered you with his thick duvet and gave you space. He went downstairs to get you a glass of water and slightly hated himself for what he just did to you.

Before he came back, you convinced yourself that he didn’t mean it and that your boyfriend is not a bad person. You made yourself presentable again and wiped your tears not wanting your boyfriend to see you scared around him. The moment he knocks on the door your heart jumped and you got nervous again, feeling your tears fall but you don’t know why.

He gave you a glass of water and you accepted it with shaking hands. Haechan sat on the edge of his bed, turning his back on you because he knew what he just did. He violated you and he didn’t even stop when you told him to, you don’t know but deep inside he’s punishing himself for being like that.

The two of you stayed away from each other for a good twenty minutes. Then you crawled towards him slowly and hugged him from behind, he’s more than happy that you don’t hate him and that you’re not going to breakup with him. “This will never happen again, I promise. I will never rush you ever again”

And it’s a promise he kept.

ROUND 4

When Haechan promised you that he will take it slow and not rush you with anything, he kept his word.

But now that you two are heading to college and spending the whole summer together as much as you can, you two can’t get enough of each other. There are times when you two will just lay down the swing, enjoy the quietness of the afternoon and watch the sun go down. Hands intertwined and legs tangled.

Some days are extra fun when you two help his sister bake anything she wants from cookies to cupcakes and Haechan will end up making a mess at the kitchen. Then by night you three will enjoy what you guys made while watching scary movies on Netflix.

And even though you’re still a virgin and so inexperienced compared to Haechan, you two find a way to feed your sex life without going all the way. You finally let him touch you without pushing him away or feeling violated, little by little you learned how to let go.

You remember when Haechan finger fucked you for the first time, you were so nervous because anyone can step in the living room and see that Haechan is on top of you. “Keep it down, my sister is on the other room” his kisses on your neck are not like any other, now it’s wet and his hands are all over your body. Kneading your clothed boobs, squeezing it a little harsh because he’s too horny. You can’t say you don’t like what he’s doing because you love it. Every part of it.

You love how his hands cups your boobs while he’s busy kissing your neck and you make quiet moans that Haechan loves so much. There were no talking the whole time, just pure kissing and quiet everything. You don’t have to ask him to do something because he knew perfectly well what you want. The couch is a bit uncomfortable for two people grinding on each other and kissing hungrily but no one seems to care.

“We won’t go all the way, I promise” he said but his hands are creeping under your skirt and on its way to remove your panties. “But we will go pretty far tonight, is that okay?” you nod your head nervously. To be honest he’s nervous too. Scared even. Scared that maybe you won’t approve of what he’s going to do and push him away again. You on the other hand really have no idea why he needs to remove your panties if he promised not to have sex with you tonight.

Heat surrounds your body when you saw Haechan put your panties on their coffee table. The living room is dark but once you opened your knees and lift your skirt, he will see your pussy for the first time. You breathe deeply when you felt his cold hands on top of your knee, ready to spread your legs open. “Shit- baby, stop” he stopped and gave you his jacket to cover your exposed legs. “Just give me a minute. I’m really shy right now, I don’t know why. Fuck, I’m sorry Hyuck”

“It’s okay, do you want to go to the bathroom to wear your panties?”

“No no, I don’t want to stop. Just getting shy that’s all. This will pass” it’s true you don’t want him to stop because you’re too horny now. “Kiss me?” he smiled and gave your request. You put away his jacket and pulled him close to you. Now you’re leaning comfortably on the armrest of their couch while Haechan kiss you softly. “I think I’m ready now” you told him in between kisses, but instead of making his move he just smiled at you and continue kissing you.

“I’ll tell you when you’re ready”

You don’t know what does that mean. You just enjoyed how he kisses you so filthy for the first time while his hands are resting on your closed legs. His tongue moves perfectly around your neck, leaving marks on the exposed skin of your cleavage and whispering dirty words that makes your legs spread unconsciously and put him right in between you.

“See, now you’re ready. You’re pretty wild yourself baby, spreading your legs for me huh” he teased you in between kisses that made you smile. Who would’ve thought spreading your legs for Haechan would feel really great.

In middle of feeling Haechan’s tongue dance around your neck and your hands are busy keeping him closer to your body, you feel his right hand made it’s way in between your legs and made contact with your wet folds. Without hesitation, you rolled your head back and closed your eyes as you enjoy his middle finger glide up and down your slit and spread your pussy juices.

Of course he knows what he’s doing, he watched you to melt with his touch underneath him while he play with your pussy. And again, unconsciously, you grind your hips on his finger completely letting go of your innocence. This will definitely not the first and last time Haechan will do this to you.

As your mind floats on how good Haechan makes you feel good, he flicks his finger a little faster, pinching your clit to make you moan, and finally putting his finger inside you. It made you open your eyes and look him in the eye. “that’s like a sneak peek on what it feels like to be fucked. Not even close but for the mean time, I’ll make cum using my fingers”

Your lips touched as he pumps his finger inside you, adding digits without any warning so you can have the full experience. Being quiet became a challenge when you’re finally on edge and Haechan’s fingers were still inside you while he’s whispering dirty things beside your ear. He needed to cover your mouth to muffle your moans when you finally came, closing your legs, crushing his arm in between them to ease the sensitivity of your clenching pussy.

“I fucking love you Lee Haechan”

ROUND 5

After slowly introducing you to more sexual activities you two are now bold and confident about touching each other. After a lot of trial and errors, you’re now an expert of sucking your boyfriend’s dick whenever you two are alone at their living room. You now happily open your legs for him to eat your pussy in your room and you let him finger you during Netflix and chill with his sister.

And now, after you suck him off and make him moan for the first time, you finally told him that you want to have sex with him and that you’re ready to go all the way. With no questions asked, Haechan helped you remove your clothes quickly and you did the same with him. Ending up fully naked in Haechan’s bed is making you shy like the first time he touched you and this is not good.

“Baby, calm the fuck down... stop moving” he giggle at you while lining his dick to your dripping entrance. The head of his dick is finally inside when you hiss again closing your legs and moving away from him. Telling him that it fucking hurts, even though it wasn’t even in yet.

“It wont hurt, I got you! You’re fucking dripping for crying out loud. Sliding in wont be a problem. Come on” he taps and caress both your thighs as he waits for you to open your legs again for him. Slowly he touches your soft skin, admiring how you stayed a virgin for him, your skin is glowing because of the golden sunlight from the window beside his bed.

Opening your legs again, Haechan kneels in between you and hooks both of his arms under your legs so you won’t get to close them again. “Line my cock so I can push in” you followed him like a good girl as he leans closer to your face for a kiss. His cock just perfectly lined to your cunt while you both kiss and enjoy each other’s sweet lips. Sweating and really nervous, he felt your chest move up and down against his and noticed that you’re getting scared every second that passes.

“Baby, it’s me, Haechan. Your boyfriend. Why are you being like this? Hmm? I thought you wanted this?” his tone was telling you to trust him because he’s your boyfriend. Telling you oh so sweetly to calm down or else he will stop and put your clothes back on. Still not moving from his position, Haechan didn’t want you to be scared before pushing his cock inside you so he continued talking to you.

“S-sorry. Just stuff running in my head. S-scared but I- yeah, I want this. Fuck, baby I want this to happen so bad. Can you just force it? Don’t wait for me to calm down?” You beg your boyfriend but he shook his head no.

“Where’s the love in that if I force this in you? I’ll kiss you while I go in, hows that?” the offer wasn’t bad, you nod agreeing to him and his lips touch yours the moment you nod.

Waiting for the perfect time to push in, Haechan can be really patient when it comes to you. When he felt you let go, he slowly pushed in and you swear you stopped breathing for a moment. Taking a second to finally believe that Haechan is fucking you now. Speechless the whole time as you feel him go inside you, you stare at his eyes shining because of the afternoon light.

Your hand flew to his face, gripping his chin and jaw as you feel slightly betrayed. “You said it wouldn’t hurt?” a small tear run down your eye as you feel the stretch of your cunt stinging so bad you can’t stop whimpering.

“Sshh. Of course it will hurt baby. Can you feel this?” Haechan was half moaning and grunting while talking to you, moving his cock in and out slowly to prove his point not pulling out entirely. You nod your head, moaning deliciously. Feeling how he’s so good, lips parted as you wait for him to be balls deep inside you, letting go a low “ooh” once he’s fully inside.

You reach in for his lips again devouring it while you clench and unclench all you want. “You won’t cum if we just keep on kissing. Stop luring me you minx” he kissed your left boob, biting and sucking it as he rolls his hips a little giving you a peak of what’s about to happen. Haechan pull away when he felt you stiffen again, hips roll slowly as you get familiar with the stretch.

“Sensitive baby, I cant-“

“Of course you can you’re my girl”

Without a warning he gave you piercing thrust, enough to make your boobs bounce. Licking the valley between your breast before you could curse him out. Reaching for your hands as he brings them both on top of your head together with the pillows, fucking you with a steady and fast pace.

“I love you. You know that right?” A breathy and weak “yes” escaped from your mouth. Toes curling already as you feel that knot on your lower abdomen.

After a few fast thrust and some delicious slow ones that you specifically loved, you reached your much awaited high and Haechan pulled his dick out and pumps it in front of you. Ruining his perfect blue sheets. Making you horny and crave for your boyfriend again, you reach in for another condom,  “Again, Haechan please let’s make round two a little longer”

He let out a small laugh as he lays beside you, fingertips scraping on your golden skin. “So now you’re begging me to fuck you again huh, okay. Round 2 in five minutes, I need to catch my breath” he said and left a kiss on your shoulders.

.........................................................................

Masterlist

First of all thank you for reading! This is inspired by Link and Tracy’s love story in Hairspray. I just rewatched it earlier and damn I forgot how I used to love every song in that movie. Hope you guys can watch it :) Also listen to I can hear the bells hihi.

[metalheddie]

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

summary: Reader and Spencer's relationship is on the rocks, but they manage to work it out.

tw: light swearing, arguments

word count: 2.3k

genre: angst/fluff

a/n: This is a songfic after "Are you Lonesome Tonight" by Elvis! This one is honestly one of my favorites to write :0 and don't worry, it's not super sad, just a little :)(Reader goes by she/they)

This has been going on for far too long now. Y/n couldn’t take it anymore. They felt alone in their own lovers’ arms, he was like a stranger, a ghost of the man they once knew. They loved him still, so much, but he was distant and he never talked to them about the things he was obviously stressed or drained from.

Y/n just wanted to help him but he never gave them a chance to, they’re actively being pushed away and it’s a pain that they never thought they would experience in this lifetime. So they decide to talk to Spencer about it.

“Spence…?” She calls from his bedroom doorway. He’s sitting on his bed cross-legged surrounded by piles of books, and his head in his hands.

The case he had just gotten back from was a difficult one, to put it mildly. Teens held hostage by another student, who was a lot like Spencer. Too smart for his own good and always overlooked by his peers. He couldn’t save them all and it was eating him up inside. He didn’t look up from the page he was dwelling on. Re-reading and trying to fit all the pieces together that he missed. You hated seeing him like this. Broken and isolating himself, throwing himself into his work where he would eventually drown.

You walk over to the bed and place your hand on his knee. He flinches back away from your touch. He’s never done that before and it breaks your heart. You retract your hand and sit on the ottoman next to the bed. You both sit in the uncomfortable silence for a little while before you say,

“Spence… I know you’re having a difficult time right now, but I really think we should go on a walk or something, just to clear your head-”

“No, y/n. I’m fine. I don’t need your help right now. Just leave me be.” He said with venom in his voice. He’s never talked to you like that before, and it hurts like hell.

“I- ok I will, but Spence at least let me get you some water or something, please just let me help-” you tried to reason with him.

“I said get out! I don’t need you here!” he shouted. That was the last straw for you.

“Fine! I’ll leave you here for the next week and a half dwelling on all the things that you could have done when you should be trying to recover from all this. All you do is push people away when you’re upset and you never think of the consequences or the people you hurt in the process.”

You lost your cool then. All the pain you’ve been feeling for the past couple of months spilling out like a dam bursting.

“The BAU’s Golden boy who could do no wrong, huh? Well, I think that’s bull. Don’t call me until you put your big boy pants on and want to talk about what’s going with you.”

Y/n could see his jaw clenching so hard his teeth might split, but at that moment they could care less. She was done being the subject of his emotional whiplash. With that, you left with tears streaming down your face and a heart so heavy you thought you would collapse from the weight of it.

~

It’s been a week and 4 days since y/n has talked to Spencer. There hasn’t been a call, text, email… nothing. She misses him of course, but she has to stand her ground. It’s so difficult not being able to pick his big beautiful brain for ideas for her songs. Y/n realized she depended on him more than she thought. She wants to pick up the phone and call him so badly, to tell him that she’s sorry and that she went too far, but pride is holding her in an iron grip and it’s almost suffocating.

All y/n has been doing is working on their covers and desperately trying to find inspiration for their next song. They haven’t had any luck so far, their mind is too preoccupied with how Spencer is holding up after what happened that night. To try and distract themselves from their own mind, they put on their favorite oldies playlist and lay on their floor.

The first few chords of their favorite song play and then,

Are you lonesome tonight

Do you miss me tonight?

y/n closes their eyes and lets a few tears slip past their lashes. Oh, how they miss their lover so…

~

Spencer hasn’t left his apartment all weekend. Wading in the guilt he felt over hurting the most important person in his life. He hadn’t meant to snap at them like that...or any of the other times it happened over the last few months. He’s pacing his apartment trying to distract himself from his own mind.

On Monday as he walks into the bullpen, he tries to keep his microexpressions in check so the team doesn’t try to profile what he’s going through. All he wants to do is get his paperwork done and go home. To do what? He’s not sure, especially because his partner won’t be there with him. Just thinking about it like that makes him tear up. He’s eventually able to pull himself together with a few deep breaths, but not without Derek catching on at the last minute.

Derek looks up from his paperwork right as Spencer hangs his head in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. Derek knows how private Spencer is when it comes to his love life, hell he’s only met his partner once the whole time they’ve been dating. He knows something’s wrong and he cares about the kid, so he walks up to him and says

“Hey, boy genius, what’s on your mind?”

Spencer turns to him, trying to keep it together. “Just thinking about this case….” He held up (what he thought to be) a random file.

“You sure about that, kid?” Derek said while reaching for said “file” which really turned out to be a loose page of his handheld calendar with a red heart around one of the days.

Derek only had to look at it for a moment to know exactly what was wrong. He was having relationship problems and suddenly he was floundering. Derek knew that feeling all too well, knowing that the job had put such a strain on his past relationships.

Spencer whips around and stares at the page, tears welling in his eyes that threaten to spill. He grabs at it and takes it back without a word. He’s embarrassed and upset and this day isn’t going as smoothly as he’d wished. Derek pulls up a chair and clears his throat to get his attention. Spencer turns to him with a look he can’t quite read. He says,

“Look, kid… I know relationships can be tough, especially in this line of work, but we have to push through the bad stuff to get to the good parts that we’ll remember forever.

Spencer sat in silence, contemplating his words.

“Do you love her?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“Yes… A thousand times yes. When days and cases get really bad, she’s the only thing that keeps me going…” tears glistening in his hazel eyes.

Derek nods and leans forward. “Go to the place you think she might be… you mentioned she sings at that jazz club uptown right?”

Spencer nods, knowing where he’s going with this.

“Ok, so tonight you’ll go and see if she’s there.” Giving Spencer a small smile and pats him on the back.

He leaves for his desk and leaves Spencer alone with his thoughts once more. He would do anything to see his lover again...

---

That night Spencer found himself at the Black Rabbit Jazz Club, all by his lonesome. Sitting at the bar waiting for open mic night to start. He was replaying their fight over and over again in his mind when he heard the first chords of Y/n’s favorite Elvis song flow through the speakers. Then he heard it… The voice he’d come to know and love, filled with honey and gold.

Are you lonesome tonight?

Do you miss me tonight?

Are you sorry we drifted apart?

He turns in his chair to see Y/n, in a sleek black cocktail dress with fishnets and 40’s style heels. She’s always had an affinity to dress to the club’s feel. Her hair is situated to frame her face beautifully and the spotlight she’s given makes her look like an angel, his angel.

Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day

When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?

They’re scanning the crowd to find a spot, or someone, to focus on to pour their heart into. Suddenly a familiar face appears to them in the crowd.

Spencer

It takes everything in them not to jump off the stage and run to him. Instead, she chooses to pour her heart out to him the only way that would seem to fit, through song.

Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?

Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

At this point, Spencer is in awe of his partner. Holding eye contact with her as she sings, knowing how much emotion is behind those words. He’s shed a few tears at this point, but she’s not finished.

She steps off the stage with the mic and walks through the tables and chairs in the audience gracefully. She says,

“I wonder if you're lonesome tonight, Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweetheart. Act one was when we met. I loved you at first glance,”

She was looking right at him now, baring her soul to him while he stared in awe into hers.

“You rambled your facts so cleverly and never missed a clue. Then came act two. Honey, you lied when you said you loved me, and I had no cause to doubt you. I'd rather go on hearing your lies, Than go on living without you.”

At this moment Y/n had let go just enough to let a single tear fall past her lashes, creating a faint trail of mascara with it. Though it was getting tough to hold it together, the show must go on.

“Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there, with emptiness all around, and if you won't come back to me then make them bring the curtain down.”

Spencer dropped his head to hide the tears falling from his eyes then. Seeing them so emotionally exposed in front of him like this was rare. Especially after putting up with so much.

By then Y/n had made their way back onto the middle of the stage and sang the ending lines of the song while staring at their lover.

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight…

She reached out to him as she sang, and as the ending chords played she placed her hand on her heart.

After the song ended there was roaring applause, for the performance and the show she put on as well. She thanked the audience and exited the stage. She made her way out the door and Spencer followed. He rushed after her so fast he barely missed her leaning on the brick exterior. She looked up at him, slightly startled. They gazed at each other, wondering who would make the first move. After about 2 minutes y/n reached for his hand, hoping he wouldn’t pull away.

He meets her halfway and they start on the walk home. It’s wordless, but there’s no negative energy, no tension to be felt. As they arrived at Spencer's apartment door he went to unlock it and y/n wrapped their hands around his waist and leaned their head on his spine. A subtle gesture to let him know that they loved him. After going inside and sitting on the couch together, Spencer finally speaks.

“I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m sorry for not being there when you need me, I’m sorry for putting my own insecurities and self-doubts before your feelings, and most of all I’m sorry for being selfish, y/n. You deserve so much more than being cast aside. I love you so much.”

y/n’s bottom lip quivered as she tried to hold herself together so she could speak too. She took a deep breath to calm herself and said

“I’m sorry too. I should have never said those things about you and your job. God, you're wonderful at what you do and I should have never used it against you like that. I was being stupid and I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive me, even after all of that…?”

He took y/n’s hand and kissed the back of it, he pulled her in close for a tight hug and cuddled into her. She quietly cried into his shoulder as he whispered sweet affirmations in her ear to help her calm down. After a while, her breathing evened out and her sniffling stopped. She moved to be face to face with him and gently placed her hands on the side of his face and pulled him into the sweetest kiss he could have ever imagined. If she claimed her lips were made of honey, he wouldn't doubt her for a second. After a beat or 2, they pulled away and decided to order in and watch Doctor Who, and all was well.

Fin~

[andwereallmadhere]

You’re Not Alone | Jean x Reader

Paring: Jean x f!reader (slight Eren x reader mentioned)

Genre: FLUFF!, song fic

Word Count: 4.5k 

Warnings/ Triggers: Alcohol, underage drinking 

A/N: I was inspired by the Big Time Rush song You’re Not Alone (Link below). This is not the first thing I have written, but it is the first I am posting. Characters might be OOC but I feel like the overall feeling is there. I hope you enjoy!

Link to song: https://youtu.be/tbS5JF32szE

I bet you didn't notice First time your heart was broken You called me up and we talked til the morning

Jean is woken from his sleep by the harsh ringing of his phone. He fumbles for a minute trying to slide the little green button to answer the call. He puts the device up to his ear before stuffing his face back into the pillow, “Why are you call me it’s the middle of the night?” Sleep heavy in his gruff voice. He is quickly answered by your voice sobbing on the other end of the receiver. This immediately broke him out of his sleep-filled mind. He should have known when he saw your picture flash on the screen that you would only be calling if it was important. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He says wiping a guilty hand over his face. You didn’t respond. Still unable to form proper words through all the tears. He continues to quietly talk to you in an attempt to calm you down. Once the sobbing ebbs he finally asks, “Y/N, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

He only hears you choke out a single word, “Eren.”

Jean and Eren never did get along, in however long you and Jaeger had been dating. But, as your best friend, Jean tried his best to accept him since that would make you happy. So hearing that HE is the reason you are crying at 2 A.M. enrages Jean. 

“What did that bastard do? Did he try something you didn’t want? Do I need to beat him up? Y/N, I swear to god if he hurt you I will-“

“No Jean. It’s not like that.” “Then what is it like?”

“He dumped me.”

“Y/N…”

“He just came by my house and told me that “I’m just over it I guess”. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“He’s a dick, I’ve told you that from the beginning.”

You only respond by sobbing more.

Eren had been your first real boyfriend. And as much as Jean didn’t want it to be true, you were head over heels. Everyone knew this would happen eventually, he just hoped there would be a little more warning. Maybe a fight or something but just cutting it off without a real reason? Jean had theories that he was probably hooking up with someone else and didn’t want the guilt of being a cheater, but you didn’t need to hear that right now. You didn’t need overprotective Jean hating on Eren. You needed best friend Jean to comfort you and assure you that you are worthy of love and everything is going to be okay.

“Hey, you can do better than him. He’s the real loser here. Any guy would be lucky to have you and the next one has to go through me first.” Jean says half meaning it, half attempting to make you laugh.

“Stop it, Jean, You know you’d lose every fight.” He can almost hear the smile in your voice, despite the tears that are certainly still running down your face. 

“Why don’t I come get you? We can go for a drive or something.”

“Okay.” Your soft voice is followed by a sniffle.

“I’m on my way.”

Jean gets out of the warmth of his bed and finds his sweatpants. He throws on a hoodie and grabs an extra in case you forget to bring your own. It's pretty chilly out tonight. He grabs his keys and begins the drive to your house. Once he arrives he sees your form sitting on your porch. Always the gentleman, he walks over to you and offers to help you up. You grab his hand and he can still see the tear stains on your cheeks. Once you are on your feet he pulls you into a hug. “Hey,” Jean says returning your tight squeeze. “Let’s go get you some food.” 

You don’t respond, but your grip around his waist losses and you begin making your way to the car. He opens the door for you and watches as you immediately grab the spare hoodie and slide it over your head. It’s obviously too big for you, but you are grateful for the extra fabric to bury your sad face in. 

The ride is mostly silent, Jean wanted to give you room to talk if you wanted. After a bit of having his hoodie pulled up to your nose, it was clear that you were too caught up in your own drowning thoughts to say anything so he turned on a very soft playlist from his phone in hopes of providing you some distraction.

Jean stops the car and you see he has brought you to a Waffle House. He knows it your favorite. Sure the food isn’t great but there is something about the mediocracy of the establishment that gets you. “Come on slowpoke, I’m buyin’,” Jean says after opening your door. You give him a thank you before following him into the restaurant. 

The two of you find a small booth, given that it was well into the night, there weren’t any people there other than the handful of employees. “You’ll have to talk to me eventually you know,” Jean says. You take a moment to look up from the menu he knows you have memorized by now. Just then a waitress comes by to take your order. 

Jean already knows exactly what you want because you always get the same thing. Just as he tells the waitress your order you finally speak, “Hey Jean.” Your voice is slightly above a whisper, “can I have chocolate milk?” You look back down at the table while Jean turns back to the waitress, “And can the lady have a chocolate milk, please and thank you.” Jean smiles at you as the waitress walks away, your silly request signaling that his best friend is slowly but surely coming out of this shell of sadness. 

Sure enough, you begin to open up. You tell him more of the details about Eren dumping you. Your food arrives and you laugh when Jean spills his glass of water on his lap. The two of you eventually move to the barstool countertops to talk to the fry cook, trying to convince him to make you a pancake instead of a waffle. Eventually Jean pays, leaving a generous tip as an apology for your late-night shenanigans. 

Walking to the car you can see the pastel colors of the impending day reaching the sky. Not ready to go home yet you lean into Jean’s body, tugging on his arm, “Let’s go watch the sunrise!” 

“You’re ridiculous.” He says shaking his head, “get in the car.” He smiles and opens your car door. Of course he was going to let you watch the sunrise. He is going to drive you to the park and find a place high up and the two of you will talk about nothing at all until you fall asleep in the passenger seat of his car. He is really just happy that the outing has worked. No, 4 A.M. waffles cannot cure your broken heart but it at least made you smile. 

And the time that you were stranded I was there before you landed He was a no show, I made sure you got home

High school seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Graduation came and went and your family decided that you should spend the summer at your aunt’s house on the other side of the country. Of course, you loved your aunt and her kids, but spending your last real summer break away from your friends wasn’t a huge selling point. Ultimately, your mom said you had to go because the trip was already paid for and your aunt was expecting you. The only reason you eventually agreed was that the majority of your little group were all attending the same college, so at least it wasn’t goodbye.

The day before Freshman move-in everyone decided to throw a party at Eren and Mikasa’s house. Eren’s parents were out of town a lot so that is usually where the gang got together. Jean and Eren still don’t along great, but Jean was close to Sasha and Connie who happened to be okay friends with Armin and Mikasa, and thus your little group was formed for better or for worse. After the night Eren dumped you out of the blue, Jean was furious with him, only for you to accept Jaeger’s lame-ass apology and take him back a week later. Luckily there hadn’t been any more repeats of that night. Maybe Eren was telling the truth and did actually like you, so Jean played nice even if he didn’t fully forgive the brunette. 

And now he was here, with you on FaceTime while you wait for your flight at the airport and Jean is getting ready for Eren’s dumb party that you won’t even make it to. 

“So when does your flight get in?” Jean asks folding the remains of the load of laundry his mom did this morning. 

“I think about 11 if it’s not delayed again. I’m super bummed that I won’t make it in time for the party.”

“It’s at Jaeger’s house, can’t he just bring you by after he picks you up?” 

“I guess so, but he also said something about taking me home because it’ll be late and we have move in tomorrow.”

Jean hums in response. It is a valid argument logically, but none of them have seen you all summer except for the occasional FaceTime. The only real reason Jean was going to this stupid party was that you were supposed to be back in time. Jean can hear a voice come over the intercom in the airport. “Hey, Jean, that’s my flight. I gotta go.”

“Alright, Y/N, let me know when you land. See you soon.”

With that, the call ended. Your face replaced by a photo of you and Jean at prom making silly faces. Yeah, Eren was your date and Jean took Mikasa, but you all took photos together and his mom insisted on getting one of the two of you. It was obvious that the picture pissed Eren off, and that made it even more special to Jean. 

Eventually, Jean finished the laundry and headed over to Eren’s. At least everyone else will be there and he can kick Connie’s ass at beer pong. Jean purposefully arrived a little late, so he knew everyone else would already be there, and sure enough, Eren had the white folding table already set up in the garage and Armin had started a little bonfire in the backyard. “Horseface You made it!” Connie says throwing an arm around Jean. 

“I told you not to call me that.”

“What are you going to do send Y/N after me? Oh wait…She’s not here!”

“We both know Y/N could easily kick your ass so shut up.”

Jean went around greeting everyone else and made good on his promise to dominate at beer pong. A while later he takes a seat next to Armin, who was currently roasting a marshmallow. “Ever put peanut butter on a s’more? Whole new experience.”

Armin looks over at Jean, “Y/N show you that?”

“Oh no, secret’s out,” Jean says taking a drink of water. After the game of beer pong, which was a little closer in score than Jean would have enjoyed, he decided to take it easy on the booze so he could actually drive home.

“When does her flight get in anyway?” Armin asks removing his marshmallow from the flame. 

“She told me about 11 when we talked earlier. Said Eren was going to pick her up.” 

At the mention of his name the two look over to see Eren taking a shot with Sasha and Connie. “Did anyone tell him that?” Armin says with a small chuckle. 

Jean looked at his watch, it was only 9, if the bastard stop drinking now he might be sober enough to come get you. So Jean let it slide. 

But Eren didn’t stop drinking. It was now 10:30 and Eren was plastered. Jean watches as Eren and Connie arm wrestle and sighs. What would Y/N think if she saw her boyfriend like this? “Shit,” Jean says standing from his chair around the fire. This gets the attention of Armin and Mikasa who were also over Eren’s drunk bullshit, “What is it?” Armin questions. “Y/N. Eren is supposed to pick her up from the airport in 30 minutes.”

“Well, that’s not happening!” Sasha laughs, also drunk. 

Jean stood up and finished his soda before pulling his car keys from his pocket. 

“And where are you going Horseface? Afraid you’ll lose in arm wrestling?” Eren suddenly joins the conversation. Jean cannot believe this asshole, he doesn’t even realize! Jean contemplates throwing a punch, but that will inevitably start a fight and the airport is almost 40 minutes away so he’ll already be late. So instead, Jean crushes the soda can in his hand and walks away. “Ha! Horseface is a scary cat!” Eren yells at his back before Mikasa smacks Eren on the head. 

Jean’s anger melts through the drive. As upset as he is that Jaeger forgot, Jean is excited to see you. He’s not sure how he’s going to explain this one to you though. He parks his car and glances at the time, 11:15. At least you haven’t been waiting too long. 

Luckily the airport is pretty small and there are only a few incoming flights so it’s not hard to figure out which gate your flight should have landed at. He thinks it's a little odd you haven’t texted him that you landed safely but he dismissed it as he made his way to the gate. Jean is surprised to find the gate empty. No hugging families or people searching for their luggage. There are a few scattered people here and there, also apparently picking up various passengers. After talking with another guy, Jean finds out that the flight had been delayed before take off so it is running late. You were not stranded at the airport, you hadn’t even landed. 

Jean found a seat and began scrolling on his phone. He didn’t expect to have so much time so he didn’t really bring anything with him, not even headphones to listen to music. He sat waiting for what must have been a solid 30 minutes before he started to fall asleep in the chair. 

“Jean!” He hears your voice call, this rouses him from the light sleep. Once he sees your face he can’t help but smile. He stands to walk over to you but is practically knocked over when you throw yourself into his arms. “Hey, stranger.” He says wrapping his arms around you. 

“It feels like it has been forever!” You pull away from him and reach for your suitcase, but Jean beats you to it, grabbing the handle before you can. “I can carry it you know.” But you know it’s useless arguing. Mama Kirstein raised a gentleman, that’s for sure. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at a party?” You ask, giving him a side-eye as you follow him to his car. “Yeah…about that…” Jean still hasn’t figured out exactly what to say about why Eren ditched you. 

“Eren drunk himself stupid, didn’t he?” You say, almost casually. Like you expected it all along. 

“Yeah, but lucky for you I know a guy with a soft spot for you.” Jean places your things in the trunk before opening your car door.

“My shining stallion, always coming to my rescue.”

“Yeah, yeah, get in the car Princess.” He says. Eren’s stupid horse jokes have started rubbing off on you.

You spent the whole drive telling Jean about your trip, even though you talked with him almost every day you were gone. Jean in turn told you all the ridiculous things Sasha and Connie did while you were away. They still had group game night, which surprisingly Eren and Jean only tried to kill each other a handful of times. You laugh when Jean tells you the full story about Connie smashing Sasha’s face into a cake she brought one night, claiming “There is never a bad time for cake.” Sure they all sent you the pictures but you still loved hearing the story. And before you know it Jean pulled up in front of your house. 

He carried your suitcase to the door and turned to you, “I’ll pick you up at 6 alright?” Right, Jean offered to drive you to orientation tomorrow and it was a four-hour drive to the University. With all the excitement of seeing your best friend, you forgot about college tomorrow. “Ugh so early? That’s like 4 hours from now” 

“Unfortunately. Even then we’ll be cutting it close.”

“Fine. I’ll see you at 6.” You say giving him a final hug.

“Jean," you say into his chest, “I’m kind of glad it was you and not Eren that picked me up. I missed you. Thanks for always being there for me.”

“For you. Always.” Jean returns your hug before walking back to his car.

All the days that you were stressed out Feeling like pulling your hair out They were all missing but I was here listening

Freshman year came and went and now you were currently crying over your trigonometry textbook before your final tomorrow. Your other finals had gone pretty well and other than this stupid test you were finished with your first full year of university. Surprisingly Jean and Eren didn’t kill each other despite being suite mates. Originally the two were supposed to be roommates, but Armin quickly volunteered to switch with Jean, the blond being a little more equipped to handle Eren. You on the other hand shared a dorm with Sasha and Mikasa. Since it was the three of you you managed to snag a bigger room and didn’t have to share a bathroom with anyone else. When the gang got together for movie night it was usually in your room since the boys lived just down the hall. Overall it had been a pretty good year. 

Everyone else had already finished their finals, the majority of your group moving back home on Wednesday, except Jean who had his last final today. Jean also offered to stay an extra day so you could drive home together, but he would never say that out loud. “I’m gonna use the extra time to relax since Jaeger is gone. Living with him for a year almost killed me!” He would claim, ever the dramatic. But you knew he was also staying for you since you didn’t have a car and he did a similar thing for winter break. 

Trig had been your worst class all semester. No matter how many times you worked through the problems you were always getting a different answer, usually the wrong one. Armin helped you study for your midterm, but since he was already gone you were left alone. While your overall grade wasn’t bad considering you did all of the extra credit options your professor offered, this test could make or break your final GPA. If you could get at least an 85% it would bump your grade from a high C to a low B. So you have been doing nothing but math since your other finals finished this morning. And you were about to cry. Again. After completing the study guide and taking half a dozen practice tests you aren’t anywhere close to what you needed. After grading your last practice test, you barely managed an 80% and that was being nice to yourself. 

“I’m never going to get this.” You sob, ink running from the tears now spilling onto your paper. Then there is a knock on the door.

“Who’s there?”

“The pizza guy?” Jean says from the other side of your door. At the mention of food, you realize you hadn’t eaten since breakfast that morning, which wasn’t saying much since you had a muffin and cup of coffee after Mikasa yelled at you for forgetting to eat earlier in the week. But you didn’t want Jean to see you struggling this much. Yeah, you could talk to him about anything but he was always so gifted when it came to school, even graduated top of the class in high school. So the idea of him seeing you brought to tears by something he saw as easy made your heartache. You were afraid he would accidentally make fun of you in that cocky way he does, or he would offer to help but realize you were a lost cause before ditching you altogether.

“Go away, Jean. I’m studying,” You yell back, attempting to hide the overwhelming stress from your voice.

“Well take a break, I wasn’t joking about the pizza. Mikasa told me you haven’t been eating so you better open this door, Y/N, before I resort to drastic measures.”

You give up getting him to go away, plus that pizza sounds so good. You get up and open the door, “And what would these ‘drastic measures’ be?” 

“Sasha left her keys in our dorm, so I probably would have just walked in.” Jean finally takes a look at your face, and despite your efforts to wipe away your tears, Jean knows you’ve been crying.

“Y/N what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure? You-‘ You cut him off before he can finish. “What kind of pizza did you bring?” 

“Your favorite, of course.” Jean sets the pizza on your bed while you grab some drinks out of the little micro-fridge. Jean glances at your desk and quickly takes in the scattered notes and tear-stained papers. Suddenly it makes sense. Your lack of eating, how you haven’t been responding to texts, and the tears when you opened the door. “I can help you you know? I took Trig last semester.” 

“I told you not to worry about it.” You say attempting to be mad at him for snooping but it’s pointless. You take a seat on the bed and open the pizza box, “Horseface.” You add almost in a whisper. 

Jean visibly shrivels at the name, “No. Not you. Not allowed.”

This small comment was enough to change the subject, and his mild anger at such a stupid name pulls an amused smile out of you. The two of you eat and converse as usual. He tells you about his last final and how Eren left their shared bathroom a mess that he needs to take care of before you leave tomorrow. You talk about how one of your professors just showed a movie during the final period since they are required to hold class despite not actually giving a test. And you feel the stress leave your body, even if just for a moment. 

After a while, Jean looks back over at your desk before grabbing your textbook and the last practice test you took. “This isn’t bad, Y/N, looks like some simple mistakes that you keep making, fix those and you’ll be fine.”

“How can I fix something I don’t know I’m doing wrong?” You ask.

“Because I’m going to help you, idiot.”

Jean proceeds to walk you through your last practice test and showing you the mistakes he was talking about. After helping you do a few more problems, Mr. Kirstein makes you do another practice test that he’s going to grade. While you take the test Jean lays on your bed, scrolling through his phone. He’s trying not to look at you, not wanting to add more pressure to you by feeling watched. 

After you are finished you pass him the paper and watch as he marks up the pages with a red pen. Eventually, he turns to you and gives you back the test, a solid 83%. Not as good as you hoped but you don’t want to discredit Jean’s tutoring. After walking through the test you look at the clock, it's currently 1 A.M. 

“Well Y/N, your test is first thing in the morning and I don’t think stressing yourself out more is going to help you at all.”

“But what am I supposed to do? I need an 85!”

“You need sleep,” Jean says, packing up your study materials.

“One more practice test, then I sleep, I swear.’

“Sleep now. Maybe you can do another in the morning.”

There is no use in arguing with Jean, he always gets his way. Once the study materials were all put away Jean takes your laptop and opens up Netflix, knowing you won’t be able to sleep if you were still worked up. The two of you sit side by side on your bed watching some stupid movie until Jean notices your eyes have closed and your breathing has evened out. As quietly as possible Jean closes the laptop and climbs out of the bed. He puts a blanket over your sleeping form and turns off the light before closing the door to your room. 

The next morning you wake up with a text from Jean. Opening your door you find a fresh coffee and a doughnut waiting on your doorstep. “That idiot.” You mumble to no one, but gratefully pick up the small meal he left for you. After eating you get ready to go and resign to looking over some notes before the exam. Once in the classroom, all the stress from last night comes crashing back. You just have to keep reminding yourself that a C in trig isn’t bad. Your GPA will still be above a 3.0, barely but still. And before you know it your teacher has told you to begin your exam so you log on to your computer and start your test. 

The good thing about the test being on the computer is that you’ll know your results immediately. After going over the answers a second time you finally hit the submit button. You stare at the little blinking cursor as it checks through all your answers, holding your breath. Suddenly your final grade pops up on the screen and you can’t stop the tears that slip from your eyes. You gather your things and head back to your dorm. But you find Jean waiting outside the building, leaning against the car without a care in the world. “JEAN!” You practically scream upon seeing him. He can see the tears on your face, “It’s okay, Y/N. Trig is pointless anyway. You still did great even if you got a C.”

“I did it! Jean, I got a 90%!”

“That’s my girl!” Jean says giving you a high five.

“Couldn’t have done it without you, teach.” You say giving him a big grin.

“Come on, Y/N. I say we get you a celebratory milkshake before we drive home. Jean says opening the door for you. Your eyes follow him as he walks around the car to the driver’s side. You are lucky to have him in your life. Yeah, he can be kind of an ass from time to time, but his heart is always in the right place. 

'Cause I'll be right there (right there) For every minute This time, it's no different Whatever happens you should know 'Cause you're not alone, girl Look over your shoulder You don't have to wonder 'Cause you know, you know, you know You're not alone, girl

[mochii0park]

 meraki; chapter 01 I jhs

Title: Meraki

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader / Jin x Reader

Part of series: Waterlilies and Japanese Bridge

Genre: angst I fluff

Pairing: literaryscout!hoseok x writer!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Summary: Throughout your whole life you lived in your sister’s shadow, watching from side-lines as she formed herself into a successful businesswoman with an envying life. Never being able to fill her shoes you gradually understood the meaning of an estranged family and the burden it carried. The twenties began slowly slipping from your grasp which had been embedded with insecurities and longing for fulfilment. Pouring your heart out to strangers with a pseudonym meraki, you began second guessing the decision when an email lands in your inbox.

Author's note: unedited, it's 2am I'll reread it tomorrow

Taglist: if you want to be added to the taglist message me

@namsope32 , @cuteipat , @ofvopemin

Masterlist

Meraki masterlist

< intro | chapter 02 >

Seokjin got engaged and moved to the USA.

Your lanky fingers hover over the keyboard, the reality of the situation still lingering in the air. The send button felt heavy, as if the action would make a shift in your universe. You have already made mends with how things were going between you, but it still felt crushing.

Sucking up the little pride you had left after lying to your friend, you push the button and lock the phone hoping to gain some sanity in your walk back to the apartment. It had been a regular night out with your friends. Coffee chitchat alongside freshly baked cookies which you got as an apology for being late.

Your mutual friends felt the need to notify you of the sudden change in Seojkin’s life, wanting you to hear it from them first. Pushing it to the back of your mind as nothing but an additional fact, you continue through the night with a smile. That lasted until you the rounder the corner.

Seokjin had been your friend through university and even later as you grew up and struggled to make ends meet.  You had been there for him when his girlfriend of five years decided to dump his ass having a shift in her feelings towards him. You mended his heart through late night talks and rides across the city. He was your kiss partner after breakups, picking up your self-esteem and gluing it together. In conclusion, Seokjin was your everything. If only the feeling was mutual.

Days before deciding to confess to him, he blasts your phone with messages about a girl that pulled all the strings in his heart and awoke oceans of memories. Kim Jisoo was his high-school crush with whom he lost contact after entering his last relationship. Reconciling through social media the two hit off where they last left it and suddenly you became the dust under his shoes. 

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months of not seeing him. With a deeply rooted pain in your chest and a jealousy for the new girl in his life you stepped down allowing Jisoo to consume his being. Afterall who were you than a mere friend, easily replaceable.

The last slap came when you drunkenly confessed, having enough of their roller coaster like relationship. That was the last time you’ve heard of Seokjin’s teary-eyed voice telling you goodbye over the phone. No matter how many times he told you this sounded like the end and the suffering he felt was unbearable; it was nothing compared to the sound of your heart shattering into pieces.

Sehun told you many times that the timing was so off it made him uncomfortable, but that’s the thing about you and Seokjin. Everything was off with the two of you. From kisses to cuddles to nudes after midnight to serious conversations about pineapple pizza. Friends don’t do that, is what you kept telling yourself when the feelings for him slowly grew from platonic to romantic.

In midst of your thoughts your phone rang. Sehun the attachment dealer flashed across your phone. Giggling at the memory of how the nickname came to be, a warm feeling nest itself inside your chest. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I left the Howl Cafe, I’m near home.”

He hums, the sound of the blinker echoing in the distance. “I’m there in five. Meet me at the bus station at beginning of your street.”

There were instances when disobeying Sehun felt like the biggest thrill of your life but right now when feelings you couldn’t pinpoint ran through you clouding your judgement, Sehun felt like a silver lining. As you wait for him to arrive, you can’t help but scroll through your phone in search for that one picture of Seokjin.

The only one you’ve saved after your last conversation. He was leaning against the wall of the bakery, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. His bleached hair fell over his rimmed glasses giving him an emo vibe. It was somewhere around three am when you’ve taken this photo. 

Both of you exhausted from running aimlessly around the city. He begged you to visit this bakery at the top of a hill, assuring you about the quality of their goods. You remember that night vividly, how you would steal a kiss or two in the shadows hiding from the reality. How he would woo you with his terrible French accent and you would answer him in your broken German.

You miss him. You miss him to the point where it physically hurt.

Sehun honks ever so caring about the people sleeping peacefully in their homes. He bursts into laughter at your jumpy reaction making you feel annoyed as you lock your phone. Settling yourself in his car you wait for his I told you so, but it never comes. Instead, he turns on his Spotify playlist clicking on Olivia Rodrigo’s good 4 u blasting it a such high volume all thoughts you had were overridden with the upbeat song.

Sehun had been your friend for the same amount Seokjin was. The two knew each other through a few short encounters, for some reason they never crossed paths for longer than ten minutes. For that you were thankful. The song comes to a finish and Sehun observes you from his seat. The lights of the city painted on the window illuminated your face, giving him a prefect view of your perplexed expression.

“How are you feeling?”

You knew he would ask this question, after all the sole reason you were driving on a highway was because of your damped mood but in whole honesty you didn’t know the answer.

“A part of me had expected it. He talked about marrying her, but he also talked about wanting to drop everything and own a cottage in Sweden.”

“Your taste in men is terrible. Remember Mark? The guy who had so many career goals but couldn’t leave his house because he thought having a life outside work was overly distracting for his oh so important career as IT support at ZARA? Or Mino who was so high you couldn’t recognise him when he dropped the weed after your breakup.” Sehun snorts.

You roll your eyes at him. Surely your boyfriend track wasn’t the best but it’s not like you seek out boys with issues, it seems that they attach themselves to you and you can’t get rid of them without a major heartbreak. “Whatever.”

Sehun stretches forward pulling your favourite chocolate bar out of the compartment, throwing it in your lap. You smile, munching on it as you switch the song to Zayn and Sia’s Dusk Till Dawn.

“I just expected him to inform me.”

Sehun shakes his head. “I am not sure why you expected that. You two haven’t shared one conversation in two months. You’ve asked for space when he told you he can’t choose between you and Jisoo. Plus, that was a dick move to be honest making him choose between his girlfriend and his best friend.”

“Space,” you emphasise,” not utter silence. He didn’t move two fucking blocks Sehun. He moved to a whole fucking country without telling a soul. Our mutual friend finds out through an Instagram story. Fucking Instagram. And I don’t care, he was a dick that started this charade might as well end it.”

By now you were fully shouting, the tears that threatened to spill before now rushing down your face. In this moment you didn’t care much about Sehun’s awkwardness regarding tears and crying, that was pushed aside when he backed Seokjin’s decision and pissed all over yours.

“Y/N,” he whispers, turning down the volume as you whimper, “there is not much you can do. You must respect his decision. You can’t force someone to love you.”

It was your turn to huff at the stupidity of his words. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t go about kissing people. Respect decision? Fuck that. Did he respect me when he made a fool out of me?

“No.”

Sehun exhales knowing that in this case you weren’t in the right mind to have a rational conversation. Seokjin was your weak point, he knew that much. Your emotions began to pour out, leaving you a sobbing mess in his car. 

“Look, I can’t stop you from having all sort of emotions for him. I can only advice you to turn off your phone for tonight and give yourself time to process the information before doing anything you might regret.”

 “I won’t blast his phone with insulting messages if that’s what you think.”

“Good, also don’t eat out your emotions. You can’t stand too much sugar in your system.” 

“Thanks doctor. I’ll just write out my emotions instead.” You say leaning into the seat, closing your eyes as you listen to the music.

“You still write on that blog?” You can hear some amazement in Sehun’s voice, and you know it’s not to mock you but to praise you for managing to stay faithful to one thing this long. You had a reputation for giving up on things in early stages because you couldn’t finish them perfectly.

The rest of the ride was spent with you eating out your emotions with the food Sehun bought from your local fast-food restaurant. Not much was said between you and him as he drove into the night letting you process the whole situation, only dropping you off at home when you felt yourself calming down.

Once in the confides of your room you strip yourself of any pent-up emotions letting all the pallet of different feelings overran you. Taking a pen, you let your heart pour into endless words scribbled away in your notebook. When you’ve felt empty the high gone, you take your laptop opening the site you’ve a long time member of. It came to you on Instagram in a form of a poorly done advertisement. It was a website for people wanting to share their poetry with strangers.

At first, you’ve done what you always do: began self-doubting your poems and their worth. Most of them were written in a spur of a moment when you felt like you would burst from the number of things you felt. But one night, when sleep couldn’t come to you and the pain of losing the person you held dear lingered in the air threatening to choke you; you signed in posting your work. It was raw and you suddenly felt exposed and naked in front of the world.

That’s how Meraki came to be. How your pseudonym became your shield, allowing you to burden it with any thought or emotion you’ve felt. In the online world Meraki was a fierce writer, letting her readers know of the pain and suffering she felt. In real world Meraki was an introverted person hiding herself from anyone willing to come close.

                                                   ____

 It was a hot Wednesday morning when you’ve gotten an e-mail from your sister informing you of her whereabouts. Due to your mother’s work preventing her from traveling, she decided to pay you a visit instead; much to your delight. The days to her wedding were numbered and so was your sanity.

Luckily for you she and her fiancée decided to stay with your parents.

The thought of her roaming the halls of the only place you’ve managed to cover in comfort was disturbing you. It wasn’t that you hated your sister but although you’ve dealt with your own insecurities some parts of the trauma still hung over you.

You’ve managed to avoid her for a good number of days since she landed in Seoul but now a week later you ran out of excuses. That’s how you found yourself sitting in a posh sea food restaurant, juggling your anxiety during the family dinner.

The last time you saw your whole family was at your grandfather’s birthday (which happened six months ago). The event left a bad taste in your mouth after you’ve spent majority of time listening to your sister’ success only receiving attention when she addressed you.

Solar and her fiancée Minho discussed the menu as they skimmed through different meals. You have been so busy staring at one spot that you’ve never noticed the waiter taking orders.

“Y/N?” Solar spoke catching your attention.

“One chicken fillet for me please.” You were so preoccupied with different thoughts you never saw what they had to offer therefore you went with your go-to food.

The moment the waiter leaves the table with the menus, your mother scoffs. “Aish you’re eating chicken again, we’re in an exclusive sea food restaurant and you’re embarrassing us.  “

“Mother, let her eat what she wants.” Solar interrupted your mother’s complaining, switching the topic to her wedding dress. Your mother beamed at the photos she showed her.

It was somehow sad how much power Solar had over your parents. One word was enough to ease them into doing whatever she liked whilst you had to beg and crawl your way and even then, you were no match for her.

You felt severely out of the place. The two talking about preparations while your father and Minho gushed over their new apartment in Tokyo. You sat there in your chair counting down minutes until you could leave. Any other day you wouldn’t bother to attend the dinner but now Solar insisted you showed up. Something about the sight of her family warming her heart, bunch of bullshit.

“How are you doing Y/N?” She asks ignoring your mother as she mumbles under her breath about your bad habits, one being smoking.

You took up smoking in your last year of university when the pressure of getting a master’s degree and balancing your parents had been too much to take in. A lot of your friends decided to find comfort in weed, but you never understood the thrill of it. Rather than spending enormous amounts for just one puff, you could buy a pack of cigarettes and still have money left for some booze.

“Not much, same old same old.” You answered pushing your nervousness away.

There wasn’t much happening in your life. You’ve started a job in a bookstore and spent your free time either with Sehun or Jihyo.

“How’s Seokjin?”

That one question had caught the table’s attention and suddenly you felt a terrible need to smoke one. Your families were acquainted through work, your fathers working together on a project. They had been shocked when they discovered that you and Seokjin had been close friends for a long time.

“He’s fine.”

“I heard he got engaged,” Your mother spoke up,” to Kim’s daughter Jisoo. Ah what a wonderful being that one is.”

“Oh?” Solar gave your mother a perplexed look narrowing her head at you. You played with the glass in front of you, the object suddenly becoming interesting.

“I thought you and he were dating.” Minho joined, telling the words that were stuck on the tip of your sister’s tongue.

“Y/N and Seokjin? Don’t make me laugh. They are worlds apart. Seokjin is so focused on his career while our Y/N thinks writing will make her a fortune.”

Taking a sip of water, you try your best to wash away the nasty words threatening to leave your mouth. Your parents never approved of your career choice not that you even cared about their opinion.

Solar hums pulling her lips into a straight line. “I’ve must’ve mistaken then. I was sure I saw you-“

“Here is your food.”

And that’s how you were saved from the embarrassment of having to explain to your sister that what she saw was imagination playing tricks on her and not you and Jin making out in front of your house. It was awkward enough when she pestered you about it the next day.

The conversation takes on a different dynamic and you breathe out in relief. You were still trying to process the news and talking about him wasn’t helping your soul.  You gather yourself before your façade could fall and mask it with a stoic expression continuing your countdown till desert when Sehun would call you for an “emergency”.

Right on time you think as your phone began to ring.

You pretend to gasp covering your mouth to show concern as Sehun sputtered nonsense. He kept talking about his trip to the gym and how his feet hurt from all the exercise he did while you tried not to show disgust as explained in detail how hit his little finger against a metal device . Solar shot you a worried look as you excused yourself from the table.

“And the award for the best actress goes out to Y/L Y/N” Sehun pitches once you close the door of the restaurant. Shooting a quick apology message to Solar, you jump into his car deJa’vu hitting you.

“I should get paid for spending so much time with you.” Sehun dripped in sweat, his black shirt sticking moistly to his body, hair pushed back.

You shrugged falling into a comfortable silence. Half an hour later he stops at the number 13, the windows of your house distinguishable by the large number of flowers catching last rays of Sun before the night settles.

“That will be 100 won and a Mcdonald’s later when you’re free.”

“Yeah, not happening” you tell Sehun, already halfway out of the car, rucksack slipping from your shoulder.

He raises a brow at you.” I am not your personal driver Y/N. I had to leave my girlfriend to drive you back.”

You scoff as you roll your eyes at him.” I’ve told you to call me for an emergency. There was no picking up included.”

He mimics your words mockingly before pressing the gas pedal leaving you behind him. Unlocking your apartment door, you’re greeted with your dog sleeping in the hallway not giving you a second glance as you pass over him. Haku’s snores echo through the empty apartment warming your heart. The Shiba became your companion two years ago when you were going through a rough patch. It took some time for you to get used to each other but now you couldn’t image not having his snot buried into your business.

Turning on the lights you sit at the kitchen table pulling your leg up to rest your head on the knee. Opening your laptop, you see a few notifications popping up on the sideline about your recent orders. Just when you were about to close the notification center you see one mail standing out. The name Jung Hoseok makes you jolt in your seat.

Dear writer aka meraki,

I hope this e-mail find you well. My name is Jung Hoseok, I’m the CEO of ZER Publishing company. I’ve taken interest in your poetry and would like to have a meeting to discuss a possible collaboration between us.

Kind regards,

Jung Hoseok

The scream that came from you couldn’t possibly be human. Closing the laptop as if it will burn you, you throw it on the sofa choosing to avoid it until tomorrow.

You didn’t know how he found you giving that any personal information on the site was strictly private. Pacing back and forward you facetimed Sehun. He picks up after three very long rings making your heart beat erratically against your chest.

“I swear to God if this is another one of your emergency calls.” Sehun stands there in nothing but a towel hugging his waist. He moves to the other side of the bathroom, bare feet pacing against the marble floor.

“I got an e-mail.”

He curses, his voice muffled from the towel pressed against his face. ” You called me to tell me about a mail?”

“Not any mail, Sehun. I was contacted by Jung Hoseok.” You whisper still walking back and forward, Haku following every step of yours. Sehun tries not to pay close attention to you, getting slowly dizzy from all the commotion.

“And something tells me I should know who that is?”

You halt taking a moment to stop yourself from starting a conversation about common knowledge again, it was a sour subject. “He messaged through the mail used for Meraki.”

This time Sehun is quite for a few seconds taking in your words. You don’t see him, but you can hear deodorant spray and shuffle of clothes. “How? Isn’t that private?”

“Yes.”

And suddenly the anxious feeling was back. The poems you wrote there were strictly private, the mention of your love life and your hardships with your family were never meant to be linked back to you. You’ve checked the websites policy not wanting anyone to associate you with the account. If that were to happen you can immediately start packing your things to move to another continent.

“I am sure he didn’t hack it; nobody is that desperate. Maybe he contacted the website owner?” Sehun takes his phone, hair freshly washed strands falling over his face. He moves from the bathroom to the kitchen placing you carefully , so you could see the whole room.

You think for a second, there was a possibility. “Isn’t that a violation of my privacy?”

“I can try to read out the rights and policy. Come up with a text signed as your lawyer but Y/N” Sehun’s voice is soft, something he did to calm you down. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, eyes having an internal battle, the look you’ve seen on him in rare moments.

“Yes?”

“I am sure if you refuse, he won’t bother you. I am also sure you don’t have much to lose if you agree.”

                                                         ____

Hoseok was on his fifth coffee by noon, deprived of any sleep last night.  He was starved for a good literature piece that would leave him in myriad emotions. Sadly, he came up with an empty line. He spent his days cocooned in the corner of Suho’s café reading page by page poetry that awoke no emotion except irritation. He was on the brink of losing his mind.

Suho slides into the booth, careful not to startle Hoseok.” Have you found anything?”

Hoseok ruffles his hair before resting his head in his hands. He was desperate enough to visit fanfiction sites in hopes of stumbling upon work that had  the spark.

“Maybe you should take a break? Visit those open mic nights where people recite their poems?”

Hoseok shakes his head having already used that option last week. “I’ve been to three mic nights and not one was interesting. I am on a verge leaving everything behind to become a stripper. Yoongi did say I have an amazing body."

Sehun by now used to his friend’s dramatic antics shrugs his shoulder.” You should really take a break. You’ve been searching for a month now.”

Hoseok wished he could take a break, but the existence of his firm lay in his hands. That enough gave him tremendous worry pushing him way above his limits.

“I know but if I don’t find a good piece in a month, I can close the firm. Do you know what that means? Hundreds of people losing their job.” Hoseok wasn’t the one to crumble under pressure but now he felt like crying. Suho offered him a smile he’s seen before, the pity smile. Patting his shoulder he gets up at the sound of doors opening ,customers swarming in.

At the end of the day Hoseok thinks everything has turned against him. His laptop dies in the middle of reading, and he discovers he forgot his charger at home. In all the despair and anger he accidentally knocks over the mug spilling coffee over important documents and his newly bought jeans. The stain will probably leave a small burn that he wasn’t ready to face today. He’ll take care of it tomorrow.

On the side Suho observes his restless friend. He felt bad for not being able to help him more, but he already used all his resources and sent them anonymously to his mail only for Hoseok to turn it down.

Sehun walks into the café with his gym in one hand and candy in the other, drops of sweat forming on his forehead. He was waiting for a call from Y/N, prepared to jump into his car at any second. He greets Suho, his sight landing on an exhausted Hoseok bumping his head repeatedly against the table lightly. He hoped to never reach this point of insanity. 

“What’s his problem?”

Suho follows Sehun’s line of sight. Hoseok sits in the booth, forehead rested against the table. Both his mind and body were tired, and the clock was ticking. “He needs to find a good poetry piece to publish otherwise he’s toast.”

In that moment Sehun weights his options. He knew how self-conscious you were about your work thinking it lacked emotion and quality and this seemed like a good opportunity to prove you otherwise. On the other hand, there was the issue with people closely linked with your poems. He takes his time picking between different sugars, steering the coffee slow enough to buy him at least one more minute.

Pushing the bills to Suho he takes a sip. “There is a website called Nora, it had lots of good poetry. I've read some.”

Suho nods following Sehun out of the café promising to deliver the message to Hoseok. Once locked up he slides back into the booth watching Hoseok pack his belongings ready to call it a day. “This costumer told me about Nora site. You should give a shot.”

“Nora?” Hoseok mocks, he heard of all the websites used for writing but Nora didn’t ring a bell.

“I think it’s new. I’ve never heard of it but he seemed sure of his words. The worst that can happen is he lied and knowing Sehun that’s unlikely.”

Hoseok nods eager to go back home to his cat Nobus and prepare himself a warm bath to release the tension built up in his muscles. Waving goodbye to Sehun, he exits the shop from the back door and turns on the engine of his car driving away to the beat of classical music easing him.

Entering his small apartment located in the centre of Seoul, he throws his shoes to the side not bothering for order tonight. Slouching himself on the couch he pets Nobus, the cat bumping his head against his arm purring softly. With eyelids half closed he opens the website on his phone, picking poetry as his preferred category.

Selecting a random writer he opens the first poem, eyes scanning the text.

 I love you             like the habit I picked up in college                  of sleeping through lectures                  or saying I’m sorry                  when I get stopped for speeding             because I drink a glass of water                  in the morning                  and chain-smoke cigarettes                  all through the day             because I take my coffee Black                  and my milk with chocolate             because you keep my feet warm                  though my life a mess I love you             because deep down I know                  you'll never be mine again   (author of the poem: Nikki Giovanni, I added three last sentences)*

With every word that Hoseok took in he felt himself back in university, all drunk on the idea of loving the girl that sat two seats in front of him during microeconomics. He relives the ecstasy of having love running through his veins, he feels the desire under his fingertips for just one touch, he crumbles at the pain of finding her kissing his best friend. Hoseok feels like his heart had been ripped apart with just few simple letters placed in a neat poem.

He sees the words meraki scribbled in a messy handwriting under the poem and he feels as if his prayers have been answered.

[wayward-dreamer]

Life’s Lessons - Part 2

Title: Life’s Lessons - A Lesson in Fitting In

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean x Female!Teacher!Reader (eventual)

Other Pairings: Dean x Lisa, Female!Reader x OMC – Ethan (past, mentioned)

Other characters: OFC’s: Emily Charlton; Olivia; Katie (Y/N’s best friend)

Word Count: 4,778 (song lyrics in italics). 

Part Summary: Y/N has survived her first week in a new town. However, after discovering that Dean and Lisa are in fact a couple, she wants nothing more than to lock herself up in her house. The neighborhood Saturday barbecue comes around, and Y/N finds herself by his side when Lisa isn’t around. Their conversation brings up some thoughts for her about Dean and Lisa’s so-called ‘perfect’ relationship.

Warnings: swearing, slight angst, reader misses her family, mentions of past family struggles, mentions of reader’s ex.

Music: All The Pretty Girls by Kaleo (Y/N unpacking scene), Howling at Nothing by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats (BBQ scene), You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mac (Dean and Y/N conversation).

A/N: Here’s Part 2! I’m so glad everyone liked the first part, and it’s been great to hear what you think about what might happen! Keep sending your theories and thoughts in, I love hearing what y’all think! Happy reading! :)

Dividers by the wonderful @firefly-graphics! Check her out for all your AU needs!!! 

Y/N’s first week didn’t go as great as she expected.

She naively thought things would be good after the first day, which had started a little wonky but ended up being better once she met Cas and Charlie. She had become really friendly with them, and she was glad that they were a highlight of each day. Her 7th graders were great, but she had to do a lot of work with them to make them come out of their shells. Her 8th graders on the other hand… she just didn’t understand how to get through to them. Some of them were loud and disruptive, a couple of them were bullying another girl, and others just didn’t seem to care at all. Ben was a good kid, but he got easily swayed by the loud ones. They had so much potential, and they had to start being better if they were ever going to survive high school.

She walked out of the grocery store, pushing a shopping cart with two heavy brown bags. After finishing up at school, she decided to go and buy a few essentials plus some stuff to make dinner. She was looking forward to a nice meal she cooked and a glass of wine, maybe two. As she drove through town to get home, she smiled. Despite everything, Lawrence was a peaceful town. She had to hope that she could strap in and really get through to the kids, so that living here would be worth it.

As she drove down her street, she smiled as she saw Dean sitting on his porch steps. She pulled into her driveway and got out of the car, smiling as she saw him talking on the phone. She walked over to her trunk and opened it, picking up the two bags in there. She left the trunk open, as she struggled to hold the bags, cursing the guy at the check-out for filling them so much to save on bags. Suddenly, there was a pressure on one of the bags, as it ripped at the bottom, not being able to handle the weight of the items. Two cans fell and started rolling down her driveway.

“Shit!” she yelled, as she manoeuvred the bags and tried to hold them both in one arm.

Dean, who was still on the phone as he sat on the porch steps, saw everything from across the street.

“Sammy, let me call you back” He quickly hung up the phone and rushed across the street. He got to the end of the driveway just in time and swept up the rolling cans. Y/N saw him and beamed, relieved.

“Thank you” she breathed heavily.

“No problem, can’t have run away cans on the street” he smiled, as he continued to hold them. “Here, let me get that for ya.”

He picked up the broken bag from her arm and held it, his hand at the bottom.

“Between my furniture and my groceries, I think you’re my savior” she laughed.

Dean shook his head, a smirk on his face. “I take the job very seriously.”

“I hope that call wasn’t important?” she asked, knowing he had been on the phone with someone.

“Nah, just my pain in the ass little brother. It’s okay, he’ll get over it” he replied, laughing slightly.

Y/N laughed with him, getting lost in his green eyes again. He looked even more sexy and handsome today, now wearing a red and black plaid shirt on top of a black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. She had told herself she’d wait to ask him for dinner, and now she couldn’t think of a more perfect time, having just saved the items for dinner.

“Hey, um… are you doing anything tonight? I was going to make dinner for myself but if you’re free-” she started to ask but got cut off by a voice coming from his house.

“Dean!” a female voice called as she came out onto his porch.

Y/N’s heart sunk as Ben’s mother, Lisa, came out and looked around. When she spotted him, she waved him in.

“Can you help with dinner?” she asked and then walked back inside the house. Y/N had never seen which house Lisa and Ben had come from that day, so this was shocking. The guy she was kind of crushing on was Lisa’s boyfriend. Ben’s dad. Fucking great.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize-” Y/N started but Dean shook his head.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I should go” he helped her take the bags inside the house and then awkwardly stood there.

“I’ll see ya around” he gave her a quick nod before he rushed off, before she could say anything.

Y/N frowned as she closed the door behind him. She leaned her head against it as she groaned. Why did she have to start liking him without knowing his situation? She moved away from the door and walked into the kitchen. She was going to get started on dinner for one and try to stop thinking about her ridiculously good-looking neighbor.

Dean walked into his house, finding Lisa in the kitchen. She had a blank expression on her face, as she chopped up the vegetables.

“What do you need?” he asked.

“Why were you talking to Y/N?” she asked in return, abruptly.

Dean blinked a few times, confused by her question. “She was just struggling with some broken grocery bags. I helped her.”

“Whatever” she mumbled, as she moved away to the stove.

Dean shook his head, walking out of the kitchen and to the backyard. Lisa was suddenly in one of her moods and he needed to get away. He usually hid out in the garage until things cooled down with her.

Y/N was thankful to have finished her first week and now move into another Saturday. She still had a few boxes that needed to be emptied, having done most of them last week and then sporadically through the week. She was going to do that in the morning and then look over her plans for the next week of school, before chilling that night and having a drink.

After a quick breakfast and putting on one of her phone playlists this time, she got started as her favorite Kaleo song came through the speakers. She smiled sadly as she put up some of the pictures she hadn’t yet, her heart aching knowing she had left her family behind. One of her with her sister and parents. One of her sister and brother-in-law with her nieces; the younger one having just been born before Y/N had to leave. One of just her and her sister. This was the one thing that made her regret leaving: her family. She stepped back as she looked at the photos on the mantel above the fireplace, remembering all the wonderful times she had with her loved ones.

The doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts. As she walked to the door, Y/N looked up at the clock, seeing it was 12.30pm already. She opened the door, her smile becoming a bit forced once she saw it was Emily Charlton, one of her middle-aged divorced neighbors. She had already been over several times that week with baked goods, which she ended up feeding to the birds after one bite.

“Hi, Emily. What can I do for you?” she asked, politely and hoping the woman would leave soon.

“I’m just here to find out if you got the fliers in your mail about the barbecue today” she replied, her big white teeth beaming.

“Oh, yeah, I did see that” Y/N said, remembering the two fliers she had received.

“Well, it’s at Sid and Olivia’s and starts at 1, and it would be good for everyone to meet you” Emily continued to smile. She pointed at the house, then primped her blonde hair with her long acrylic nails.

Y/N rolled her eyes while she wasn’t looking. “I’m sorry, Emily, I can’t. I just have a lot of work to do-” she started but Emily waved a finger, her fake nails looking like they could gauge an eye out.

“Nonsense, I absolutely insist on you coming to lunch. There’s still so many on the street you haven’t met yet” she insisted.

Y/N sighed, shaking her head. It was better to give in than keep arguing. “Sure.”

Emily laughed in a high pitch tone, making Y/N cringe. “Wonderful!”

“Great” she mumbled, under her breath.

“So, we’ll see you soon, and uh” Emily looked her up and down, causing Y/N to frown. She looked down at herself, dressed in just a loose, plain red t-shirt and her boyfriend jeans. Emily smiled one more time, fake as ever, before she strutted off.

Y/N closed the door, wanting to shut everyone and everything out, but she wasn’t going to do that. She was going to glam herself up and go to the barbecue, to rub it in Emily Charlton’s face that she could be fake all she wanted, it wasn’t going to affect her.

She frowned as she thought about how she shouldn’t go there empty-handed. If she did, she’d probably be the talk of the street and be highly judged for it. She normally didn’t care what people thought of her, but in this case, if she could avoid it, she would. It was better to be slightly late. Plus, who showed up right on time, anyway? She quickly searched around in her kitchen cupboards and found a box of Betty Crocker brownies in her pantry. She quickly made the pre-mix. She smiled. She was good, even in a time crunch. No one needed to know they were from a box. She put the brownies into the oven and set the timer.

Y/N showered and washed her hair, drying it into a natural, summer-y look once she got out. She got dressed into a red, cap sleeve summer dress, with a small white flower print on it. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was 1pm.

When the timer went off, she walked back into the kitchen and took out the brownies, waiting for them to cool. She went back into her room and applied her make-up, keeping it simple with a little foundation, some mascara and a little lip gloss. She put on her wedge heels and her small bag across her body. After a few minutes when she was dressed and ready, she cut the brownies and put them in a container. She put her sunglasses on, before walking out of the house. She locked up and put her keys in her bag, climbing down her porch stairs before walking down the street.

Y/N was nervous to be around so many people, hearing the sounds of music and laughter coming from Sid’s house. Especially if most of those people turned out to be like Emily Charlton, but she couldn’t let them scare her if they were. She wouldn’t let anyone overwhelm her and push her around again. She had suffered enough the first time, and she wouldn’t let it happen again.

She saw some people walk in through the side entrance to the backyard, as some older teens played touch football in the front yard. Y/N followed behind those people, looking out for Sid or Olivia. She looked around the large backyard as Nathaniel Rateliff crooned away from the large speaker on the back porch. She had seen them around, Emily telling her who they were, so Y/N hoped she could spot them properly and didn’t confuse them for someone else. Luckily, she heard Emily’s high pitched “Olivia!” and saw her hugging another blonde woman.

Y/N walked over, putting her sunglasses on her head. She smiled as she approached Olivia, laughing to herself as her face looked just as uncomfortable to be around Emily.

“Olivia, hi. I’m Y/N” she said, smiling.

“Oh yes, so good to finally meet you” Olivia smiled, shaking her hand. “Emily told me about you, welcome to the neighborhood.”

“Hello again, Y/N” Emily’s fake smile beaming once again.

“Hi” Y/N nodded at her before turning back to Olivia. “I thought I’d bring a little something.”

She handed over the container.

“Oh, you didn’t have to, but thank you. Okay, Sid’s handling the grill and there’s already plenty, so please help yourself. Can I get you a beer? Wine? Something stronger to deal with Emily?” Olivia laughed, when Emily had walked off to speak to someone else.

Y/N’s eyes widened with surprise, as she laughed too. She liked Olivia already.

“A beer would be great” she continued to laugh.

Olivia bent down and took a beer out of an ice bucket. She opened the lid with a bottle opener and handed it to her.

“So, what do you do, Y/N?” Olivia asked, as she sipped her wine. She started walking towards the food table and Y/N followed beside her.

“I’m an English teacher, junior high” Y/N replied, before taking a sip of her beer.

Olivia stopped and smiled at her, a fondness in her eyes, which Y/N would’ve found strange but something about her look was pleasant.

“My mom was an English teacher. She passed last year, but it still feels like yesterday” Olivia quietly told her.

“I’m sorry, Olivia” Y/N gave her a sad smile. “She must’ve been amazing, if she was anything like her daughter.”

Olivia beamed; her eyes slightly watery. She wrapped an arm around Y/N’s shoulders as they walked towards the food table.

Y/N’s smile dropped when she saw who was standing at the table. Lisa was shifting things around, making place for everything on the table. Dean, who was dressed in jeans and black half-sleeve button-up shirt, came up behind her. She turned her head and kissed him on the cheek. Y/N felt a tightness in her chest but chose to ignore it. Olivia walked over to the table and placed her container down, making some small talk with Lisa. Dean turned his head, smiling when he saw Y/N.

Dean could feel his heart racing. She was stunning, every single thing about her. From her hair, to the way she looked in that summer dress, which had a slit on the side, giving a peek of her smooth leg. He couldn’t be looking at her, not with Lisa standing right next to him. Y/N smiled in return, getting lost in his features yet again. He was so incredibly good-looking, it hurt to look at him.

Y/N looked away from him when Olivia tapped her shoulder. She smiled at her, trying not to let it show that she and Dean had been staring at each other.

“Aren’t they perfect together?” Olivia said, not really seeking a reply as she smiled at Dean and Lisa.

“Yeah.” Y/N smile faltered.

“So, help yourself. I’m just going to check in with Sid and see if he needs anything. I’ll be back” Olivia walked off, leaving her to go to her husband.

Y/N walked closer to the table, trying to smile when Lisa noticed her.

“Hi, good to see you” Lisa smiled. “Can I get you anything?”

Y/N shook her head. “No, I’ll help myself, thanks.”

“Okay” Lisa turned from her to Dean. “I’m just going to check where Ben is, can you plate some for me?” she leaned in and kissed his cheek.

“Sure” he nodded, before grabbing a plate and putting food on it.

Y/N smiled as Lisa walked past her and then looked over at Dean. She didn’t know for sure, but it felt like Lisa was being a bit aloof with her. She chose to ignore it for now. She walked closer to the table, and Dean looked up at her.

“It’s really good to see you” he said. The way he was looking at her was different to how he had been looking at Lisa.

She felt her cheeks get a little hot. “It’s good to see you, too.” Y/N started to put some food on her plate.

“So, how-” he started but was cut off by a shrill voice calling out her name.

“Y/N! Get over here, young lady!” Emily yelled from across the yard. She had a gaggle of middle-aged women around her.

She turned back to Dean; her eyes wide. “Is there any way I can get out of going there?”

Dean laughed. “Afraid not.”

She groaned, as she closed her eyes. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it” Dean smirked.

Y/N opened her eyes, smiling when she saw him smirking at her.

“You can handle a few divorcee’s and housewives” he assured her.

She bit her lip, as she shook her head. Somehow, he had managed to ease her mind. “Thanks.”

Y/N took her plate and beer, throwing her shoulders back and walking over there with confidence. Dean admired her as she walked away, checking her out as her hips swayed. It was dangerous to be doing that with so many people around, but he took his chance. He picked up two plates and walked away from the table, in search of Lisa.

Y/N couldn’t hide the boredom on her face, as the divorcee’s and housewives asked her questions about her life. 

“So, Y/N, are you seeing anyone special?” one woman asked.

“Nope” Y/N answered around a mouthful of hot dog, not really caring about anything other than food at that point.

“Why not? A pretty, young girl like you” equally nosey Jill, added.

Y/N shrugged, still eating. “I just got here and want to take my time, you know?”

Emily shook her head. “No, there’s definitely more to the story. It was a bad break up, wasn’t it? That’s why you moved here.”

Y/N frowned, glaring at Emily. “You know, it’s really not something I want to talk about.”

“Oh, Y/N, if you don’t talk to us, who can you talk to? We’re here to help” Emily gave her the best sympathetic face she could probably muster.

“You know what? You could help me with this” Y/N handed Emily the empty plate. “I’m going to get another beer.”

She didn’t stick around to see the shock on Emily’s face to her abrupt departure and Y/N’s plate in her hand.

Y/N felt the anger simmering in her belly as she walked away. The last thing she needed was advice from that woman. She just wanted to grab a beer and go sit somewhere in the front yard, away from everyone else. She picked up a bottle and opened it, taking a sip as she walked away. She walked out to the front yard and looked around. There was a large tree with good shade near the fence, which would be nice and secluded. As she walked closer, she noticed someone leaning against it. She walked around, smiling when she saw Dean with a beer in his hands.

“Mind if I join you?” she asked.

“‘Course not” he smirked, as he shifted over.

“I seriously had to get away from those women” Y/N groaned, sitting down on the ground next to him.

“Yeah, they’ll do that to ya” he laughed, sipping his beer.

“Well, I handled it like you said” she smiled, holding her bottle towards him.

He nodded, approvingly, clinking his bottle to hers. “Nice.”

A comfortable silence fell between them, as Fleetwood Mac could be heard from the backyard. Y/N looked at him, appreciating his features now that she was closer. Freckles scattered under his eyes and on his nose, and his eyes were even more striking up close.

“So…” she trailed off, thinking of what to ask him. “Did you grow up here?”

He nodded, a small smile appearing on his face. “Yeah, born and raised. My parents are still in the same house we grew up in. My little brother lives in Kansas City with his wife.”

“Are you and your brother close?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s always been me and Sammy. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my parents were good with us, but there were times when they’d fight, and I’d have to look out for him” he replied, looking down at his bottle.

Y/N frowned, and Dean noticed. “Oh, don’t worry, my parents were great, it’s just sometimes… they didn’t see eye to eye, you know? They’re good now, though. Have been for a long time.”

She smiled, seeing how fondly he spoke of his family. They must’ve been close. She was missing hers a lot.

“What about you?” he asked in return.

“I was born and raised in Rhinebeck, New York. No brother, but sister instead. She’s married to a great guy, so he definitely feels like a brother” she told him, a sad smile on her face. “They have two beautiful daughters, one was just born before I left so I’m going to miss seeing her.”

“Wow. From New York to Kansas” he muttered, laughing. She joined in. “Why the big move?” he wondered, as he took another sip of his beer.

“I…” she breathed out, shaking her head. “I needed to get away. It just became… too much.”

Dean nodded, but he understood that that wasn’t the whole story.

“But this is a great town, not too different from back home, so that’s a plus” she said, smiling at him.

Dean smiled in return. “That’s great.”

They looked into each other eyes, and she felt that familiar fluttering in her stomach.

Don't, don't break the spell It would be different and you know it will You, you make loving fun And I don't have to tell you but you're the only one

The words of the song were beginning to freak her out as they maintained eye contact. Y/N quickly looked away. This was unsafe ground they were about to tread.

“How’d you meet Lisa?” she asked, quickly changing the subject.

Dean breathed deep, with a long exhale. “She was here from Indiana visiting some friends, and we met one night at a bar. It was a one-time thing, but then a few months later she moved here with Ben when she got a job opportunity. We met up again… and we’ve been together three years.”

“Wait…” she thought about everything he just said, suddenly confused. “Ben’s-”

“Yeah, he’s… not mine, technically. It feels like he is, though” Dean finished for her.

“Gosh, I really should’ve guessed with the last names” she shook her head, rolling her eyes at herself for not realizing sooner.

“It’s all good, Y/N” he chuckled.

“Well, you guys look really close” she said, trying to sound happy.

“Yeah” he huffed, knowing he and Lisa were far from close these days.

Maybe coming to talk to him hadn’t been such a good idea. She seriously had to start liking a taken guy, didn’t she? At least he wasn’t married. Oh yeah, Y/N. That makes it better she thought, as she closed her eyes at her own stupid thoughts. Though she had to wonder, if things were great between him and Lisa then why was he sitting out here, far away from her?

Dean looked up and looked into her eyes again. Sitting there and talking to her about Lisa just didn’t feel natural. It really did feel like he was living a lie, it had felt like that since way before Y/N showed up.

Y/N quickly looked away from him. She needed to leave. She quickly stood up, dusting her dress off.

“I should really get going. I have a lot of work to do” she said, turning to him as he stood up.

“On a Saturday?” he asked, confused. Dean took the empty beer bottle out of her hand. The brush of his fingers against hers sent a tingling sensation through her arm and over her body.

“Life of a teacher” she quickly joked, pulling her hand away.

Dean huffed a laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “So, I’ll see you around?”

She nodded, a small smile on her face. “Yeah.”

Dean looked back at the back yard, before looking at her. “I better find Lisa.”

“Thanks for the chat” she said, playing nervously with the strap of her bag.

“No problem” he smirked.

He slowly walked backwards and gave her a small wave, before turning and walking away.

Y/N watched him walk to the back yard before she turned and walked down the sidewalk. She quickly made it home, closing the door behind her. She walked into her bedroom, dropping her bag on the chair and then stripped off her dress and shoes. She changed into her large sleep shirt, which came down to just above her knees. She threw her hair up in a bun and walked into her bathroom, taking the make-up wipes to rub off her make-up. She washed her face and wiped it down with a small towel, flicking the light off as she left.

As she went about that routine, her mind was on Dean. Just a short amount of time to talk, a few looks between them, a small touch of his hand against hers, and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. There was an air about him, almost like you could trust him completely. He would take care of you and never let anything happen to you. There was a sadness behind his smile, however, and she could feel that it had something to do with life at home. He and Lisa weren’t the perfect couple they wanted people to see them as.

She walked out into the living room, her phone in hand. She dropped down on the couch, tucking her legs up. She scrolled through her phone, finding the name of her best friend, Katie, and sending her a quick text to see if she could talk. They had been best friends since college, and right now, she needed to talk to her about Dean. Maybe she could give her some advice on how to stop the way she was feeling. When she got a text back saying she could talk, Y/N called her.

“Hey, sweetie” Katie greeted.

Y/N smiled, closing her eyes. “You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice.”

“It’s good to hear yours too. Though… you do sound a bit… off” her friend’s concern was evident in her voice.

Y/N scoffed and thought about what to say. “Well, it’s been a week in a new town… and I already have a guy problem.”

“Wow, that was quick” Katie commented.

“Yeah, well…” Y/N trailed off, playing with the edge of her shirt on her knee. “I wasn’t expecting for it to happen so fast, either. Especially after Ethan.”

“Okay, what’s his name?” Katie asked.

“Dean” a smile grew on Y/N face’s as she said his name, but it quickly dropped. “But before you say anything, he’s with someone and she’s got a kid, who’s practically a son to him.”

Katie let out a whistle. “Wow.”

“Yeah” Y/N agreed.

A silence fell between them, and Y/N knew that Katie was thinking.

“Well, as much as you probably don’t want to hear it, I think you got to let this one go” she said, finally.

Y/N sighed. “You’re right. I was already thinking it. I guess I just needed someone else to say to me, so I didn’t do anything stupid.”

“You’re a far more rational person than I am, so I doubt you would’ve” Katie reassured her.

Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes. “You haven’t seen what he looks like.”

“Well, photos when and if you get the chance” Katie laughed.

Y/N laughed, shaking her head.

They spent another half hour catching up on everything back home. It made Y/N miss everything even more, but she was glad to get the latest news. After they ended their chat, she got up from the couch when she noticed what the time was. She started fixing herself something for dinner, when she heard voices from across the street. She looked out the window, seeing people going home from Sid and Olivia’s.

Y/N watched Dean, Lisa and Ben walk back to their house. Dean and Lisa were holding hands, as Ben walked in front of them. Y/N felt her heart sink, seeing them look like a happy couple. Though it seemed that things weren’t all that great, or at least that was the impression she got from the way Dean looked at her.

Y/N shook her head and went back to making dinner. Once she was done, she settled in on the couch with her plate, a glass of wine and FRIENDS on Netflix.

It was silly of her to think that anything would ever happen with Dean. Even if he wasn’t with Lisa, she had only been around Dean twice. That wasn’t enough time to start thinking of him. This was just a crush, and it would go away soon.

Or so she hoped.

-x-

Tags: @flamencodiva @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @katehuntington @akshi8278 @hobby27 @michellethetvaddict @spngirl05​ @kyjey​ @halesandy​ @440mxs-wife​ @stoneyggirl​ @deanswaywardgirl​ @wonder-cole​ @that-one-gay-girl​ @redbarn1995​ @marianita195​ @babypink224221​ @deans-baby-momma​ @parinarain​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @mandalou29​ @castiels-a-winchester​

[eyeofthedrgn]

Rowcan Oneshot - Just Friends

Here's a slightly angsty fluff AU Rowcan piece that I whipped up. I wanted something a little less heavy that A Heavy Battle Symphony. Let me know what you think!

TW: Language, mentions of alcoholism, I think that's it.

Word count: 2648

Just Friends

Lorcan was waiting. He still had two hours, but he didn't have anything else to do. So he waited. Maybe he should turn on a movie or take a nap. Or both.

Laying on the couch, he put on a movie he had seen a million times. The Disney movie Tangled. It was his guilty pleasure. He always felt like he identified with Flynn Ryder. No one knew, though. No one could ever know. So he made sure to set an alarm so he could turn it off before anyone showed up.

He fell asleep shortly after "I Have a Dream." His alarm went off. Lorcan didn't hear it. He only startled awake when he heard the door close. As quickly as he could, he turned off the TV before whoever it was saw the menu screen of the well loved bluray.

"Lor, where you at?" A voice echoed through his small house. Rowan was always the first to arrive. Always punctual. It drove him nuts, but it was also endearing. Hellas, he needed to stop thinking like that. Rowan was his friend. That's it. Friends.

"Living room," he hollered back as he ran his fingers through his shoulder length hair. He pulled the hair tie off his wrist and put his hair up in a messy bun as he walked down the hall to the kitchen where he saw Rowan putting food and drinks in the fridge and shoving a casserole in the oven.

Ah, shit.

He hated watching Rowan acting at home. Actually, he loved it, but they were friends. Just friends. He sighed, the silver haired hottie turned to him then.

"What?" He laughed. “Were you napping?”

"Nothing. No." Lorcan just pushed his feelings deep down like he always did and kept his face stoic. He pushed past the man and opened the fridge to pull out a chilled beer. Apparently, he was going to need it tonight.

"I thought you were trying to quit," Rowan seemed confused. Lorcan was trying to cut down on the alcohol, well... quit, but fuck if it wasn’t hard. It had started to get out of control after he broke it off with Maeve and couldn’t get a grasp on himself and his sexuality. His confusion with his sexuality was a big decision in said break up. But it also helped lead to the drinking. Lorcan had felt lost and didn't know who he was anymore. So the alcohol helped hide his strange feelings for his friend.

Lorcan had been in a long-term relationship with Maeve. She wasn't the best person, he thought he loved her, but she had just manipulated him to do the things she wanted. And she cheated on him. Multiple times. She always managed to get him to forgive her. Every. Single. Time.

He had finally broken it off after seven years. Rowan and his group of friends had finally gotten him to understand that she was a terrible, manipulative person and he deserved better. He had met them at a bar a year before he broke it off with her.

It was also around then that he realized he wasn't straight. He wasn't sure what he was, but Rowan made him feel things that no one else had ever made him feel, even his girlfriend who claimed loved him. The way the man talked to him, comforted him, listened to him, it did things to him. He always wanted to smile around him, but refrained. Lorcan was always the grumpy person in the room, he couldn't ruin his reputation for some guy he shouldn't have feelings for.

After a couple years, he finally decided he needed to cut back. The small intervention from his friends may have also had something to do with it.

"I am. I just," he shrugged, unsure of how to finish his thought.

Rowan just grabbed the beer from him before he could take a drink and gave him a look.

"Fine." Lorcan took a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water from the fridge door. He leaned his forehead against the stainless steel while he waited for his glass to fill. The cool surface helped with the slight warmth trying to flush on his skin. Why did his friends care so much?

A knock on the door sounded before it opened and the hall filled with familiar voices. Suddenly, Lorcan didn't want anyone in his house. He had been fighting his demons the last couple of days, but he couldn't cancel the dinner they had had planned for a month. It had been a long time since they could all get together. He took a big gulp of his non-alcoholic water.

A chorus of hello's sounded as the kitchen quickly filled up. Dishes were placed on the small island, other dishes were put in the warming oven along with Rowan's casserole, and some went into the fridge.

Lorcan slipped out and back to the living room while conversations started. He pulled out his phone, opened up Spotify and connected to his house wide speakers before putting on a chill playlist. It Takes a Fool to Remain Sane quietly filled the house. It was one of his favorite songs.

A few people in the cramped kitchen started singing along as he sat on the couch. He just sighed. Lost in thought, he didn't hear Rowan come in and sit next to him.

"What are you doing in here by yourself?" Rowan nudged their shoulders together. Lorcan closed his eyes at the contact and the small zing that shot through his body.

Friends. They. Are. Friends.

"It's a little crowded in there." Rowan hummed in acknowledgment. Then he bumped their knees together. What the fuck was he doing? Did Rowan know he was being so touchy?

"Food's ready!" The sound of a cupboard opening and plates being pulled out met his ears giving Lorcan the perfect opportunity to get out of this uncomfortably comfortable situation. He stood and quickly went to the kitchen.

Lorcan wasn't even hungry. He was so anxious about what just happened between him and Rowan on the couch, the touches. He had to be imagining it, right?

Fenrys was at the end of the buffet line and he smiled when he saw Lorcan. "Hey, Lor! I forgot how small your kitchen is! Or it's that there's too many people in it!" He laughed. Somehow Fen was always cheery.

"I think it's the latter,” he huffed a laugh.

"I agree. So how have you been? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Fine. Same shit, different day."

Fen just chuckled. "How's sobriety treating you?"

"There are good days and bad days," he shrugged. The conversation cut off as soon as Fenrys had made it to the food.

Everyone had made themselves comfortable in the living room with their plates and beverages. Lorcan finally joined them and he saw that people weren't using coasters on his handmade coffee table.

"Hey, coasters!"

Aelin and Connall apologized while placing their cups on the leather discs. Conversations and laughter flitted through the air. Lorcan was sitting on the floor between the living room and kitchen, just pushing around his food with his fork. It smelled great and looked even better, but his anxiety was making him nauseous.

Someone sat down cross legged next to him, "Are you not feeling good?" Of course it was Rowan. He was always so observant. He just shook his head, hoping that would be the end of it.

Rowan just set his plate on the floor next to him and got up and went back to the kitchen. After hearing some shuffling and cupboards opening and closing and the microwave, he came back with a cup of chamomile tea. "Here. This should help. And yes, I put honey in it, just how you like it," he said with a small smile.

Lorcan's stomach fluttered and it wasn't because of the nausea. He took the mug, their fingers brushing. Fucking Hel.

The evening went on like that, conversations and laughter between his friends, small touches and gestures from Rowan.

Rowan was the last person left. He was in the kitchen putting the rest of the dishes in the dishwasher. Lorcan was grabbing the rest of the cups from the living room. Most people were good about taking their things back to the kitchen, but it was always Fenrys and Vaughan who left their dishes behind.

After setting the final cups on the counter he looked at Rowan as he put some leftovers in the fridge.

"I got it from here. You can head out."

Rowan looked at him with something in his eyes. Disappointment?

"Oh." He shut the fridge. "Uh, I thought maybe we could, uh, talk?"

Lorcan cocked an eyebrow. "About what?" He walked over to the sink and started rinsing glasses. Rowan stood next to him. Next thing he knew Rowan's lips were on his cheek.

He froze. His breathing stopped. Heat flushed up his neck, over his cheeks and to the tips of his ears. After a few moments, he managed to catch his breath, he set the glass down he was holding in the sink and turned off the water. Slowly, he turned to Rowan.

Rowan looked terrified that he just ruined everything.

"Sorry. Sorry, I just.. Sorry." Rowan was flustered, his cheeks were reddening. As he started turning away, Lorcan grabbed his elbow to keep him there. He just looked into Rowan's pine green eyes for several moments. The man in front of him seemed to squirm under his gaze.

"I.." Rowan started, but was cut off by Lorcan's lips against his. His eyes widened before closing and leaning into the kiss. His arms snaked up and wrapped around Lorcan's neck. Lorcan's hands rested gingerly on the other's waist.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time," Rowan confessed after they broke apart. Lorcan's brow creased in a frown. He had been missing out on kissing this man for how long?!

"How long?"

"Since I met you," Rowan said sheepishly, the blush deepening.

"Well, fuck." Lorcan dropped his hands to his side. "So I've been questioning my sexuality for years since meeting you and you've liked me this whole time?" Rowan just laughed, then hid his face against Lorcan's shoulder. The fluttering in Lorcan's stomach was back.

---

They sat on the couch and talked about everything and nothing all night. Lorcan finally felt free. At home for the first time in his life. Rowan had scooted closer to him throughout the night. It made the corner of Lorcan's mouth lift up every time he got closer.

Soon enough, Rowan was trying his best not to fall asleep on Lorcan's shoulder, but failing. Lorcan shifted and maneuvered them so they were spooning on the cushions, Rowan being the little spoon. He draped the blanket from the back of the couch over them and made sure the silver haired head was on a pillow before he wrapped an arm around the other man's waist. Rowan just wiggled closer and let out a sound of contentment. Lorcan laid there staring at the back of Rowan's neck, eyes tracing the black lines of his tattoo.

Was this happening? Could he be happy? Could he finally be happy? His throat tightened at the thought and his eyes started burning. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his breathing. Failing at calming himself, he silently cried himself to sleep hoping he wouldn’t wake Rowan.

---

The sun filtering through the curtains woke Lorcan before he wanted. He hadn't gotten much sleep. The last time he saw the clock it said 4:37 and it was now 6:30. Two hours was not enough. His eyes stung from being opened too soon.

Rowan seemed to still be asleep in his arms. His breathing was even and he hadn't stirred, so Lorcan tried to go back to sleep. But it never came. He was used to it, sort of, insomnia was his dear old friend.

After another hour or so, Rowan finally stirred. He yawned and stretched then wiggled around until he was facing Lorcan.

"Hi," Rowan's voice was deep and rough with sleep. He placed a soft kiss to the tip of Lorcan's nose and the smile that pulled at his lips couldn't be helped.

"Morning."

Rowan furrowed his brows. "How long have you been awake?" Lorcan just shrugged the shoulder he wasn't lying on. "We could have slept in your bed if that would have helped."

"I have insomnia. Sleep doesn't always happen." Rowan frowned at that.

"Thanks for holding me even though you were probably bored because you couldn't sleep."

Lorcan chuckled, "It was nice." It was. Really nice. Lorcan couldn't remember the last time he had cuddled anyone. And besides his minor breakdown, having Rowan's warm body pressed against him was comfortable and… right.

Rowan smiled at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling. It was a beautiful site. Lorcan let his eyes drink it in.

"Your eyes aren't black. They're dark chocolate with flakes of dark gold." Rowan sounded surprised. "They're so beautiful."

Beautiful? "What?" No one had ever called any part of him beautiful before. Not even Maeve.

"What? Has no one told you that before?" There wasn't any judgement in Rowan's question, just a hint of sadness. Lorcan just shifted his gaze away across the room. "Well, I think you and your eyes are beautiful."

He took a deep breath and brought his eyes back to settle on green ones. They just stared at each other for a while. Rowan brushed some of the hairs off Lorcan's brow then gently traced the lines of his face with his fingers. Lorcan had never been treated like that. Like he was fragile, like his face was worthy of memorizing by touch. He took a shaky breath as a tear slipped out of his eye and landed on the bridge of his nose before sliding off onto the pillow.

Rowan tangled their legs together and scooted closer. He rested his forehead against Lorcan's and stroked his hair. All of the tenderness Rowan was showing him started to overwhelm him enough that he couldn't hold back the flood gates anymore. A small sob left him, Rowan only held him closer.

After several minutes of crying what felt like eons of pent up emotions, he managed to fall asleep again. Rowan stayed close and watched him, eventually falling asleep himself.

---

Lorcan stretched and groaned before opening his eyes. He was thankful that his couch was comfortable to sleep on.

“Hi, sleepy head.” It seemed that Rowan had been awake for a bit and had decided to sit on the couch with Lorcan’s head on his lap. Lorcan just groaned and turned his face into the other’s stomach. Rowan just laughed at him as he pet his hair.

“Oh no.” Lorcan finally heard what Rowan had been watching on the television. “Mother Knows Best” was sounding through the speakers. He immediately sat up and covered himself as much as he could with the blanket as he made himself as small as possible. Complete and utter embarrassment flooded his veins. Rowan was a giggling mess next to him.

“This is not funny,” Lorcan’s voice was muffled by the blanket.

“Of course not,” Rowan managed to squeak out through his laughter. Lorcan had to admit that he adored that sound and if he had to be a puddle of embarrassment to hear it, then it wasn’t all bad. He peeked out from under the blanket at the pile of giggles next to him. “Come here!” Rowan held his arms out.

“You can’t tell anyone,” Lorcan said sternly, but there was no bite to it.

“Never.” The giggle fit finally calmed down.

Rowan glowed as Lorcan curled up next to him, head once again on his lap as they both watched the movie.

___

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future Rowcan fics!

[meetmymouth]

the one where harry pays his ex’s rent (harry styles imagine)

READ PART 1 HERE Word count: 2,6k Disclaimer: not proofread.

She looks at the phone on the passenger seat. No one called her. Though, there was only one person who would’ve called her that night. She wanted him to call. It wasn’t because she left the house for attention but she at least waited for his text to either ask where she was going or if she was okay.

But it never came.

Once she parks the car in front of the too familiar white building, she grabs her phone and locks the car before going up the couple of stairs that led to Nick Grimshaw’s flat. They weren’t best friends but one: Y/N liked him and two: he lived close.

After a few minutes of greetings and hugs and sad smiles, Y/N finds herself in Nick and now his boyfriend Mesh’s spacious kitchen with a cup of tea in her hands. Nick’s dog Pig sits near Y/N’s legs in hopes of some cuddles and treats.

Mesh was the first to break the silence.

“Going to the shops for some fags, I’ll take Pig too, you two need anything?” bless him, he asks quietly as if he was speaking to a baby.

Nick shakes his head while Y/N could only muster a tiny smile.

And then there were two.

“Let’s sit,” Nick speaks softly and guides Y/N towards his spacious sofa.

She takes notice of the paused rom-com on the TV and she feels kind of embarrassed to have been interrupted the couple’s night.

After a minute of sitting down and looking at each other, she begins talking as if someone had just pressed her ‘on’ button. In between sentences, she starts shedding tears in frustration while at the same time trying not to think about how weird she might’ve looked whilst doing so. She needed a good cry and she was lucky for Nick’s presence.

She tells him everything after Nick gives his word that he didn’t know about what Harry did and that they hadn’t even had a proper chat in weeks.

“So you just left?” he asks later when she stops crying.

He takes the now long forgotten red mug from Y/N’s hands and places it on one of the books that was on the coffee table.

At the sight of her now cold tea, Y/N wants to start crying again as she remembers how Harry also makes a habit of leaving his tea go cold after a few sips. Just the thought of Harry in bed, the reading glasses sliding down his nose slowly and his soft, bare hands holding the mug makes her heart heavy.

“He spent thousands on her. It’s not even the fact that he spent his money on her it’s just-“ she sniffs once more.

She continues:

“Why? Why is he this daft? He always does questionable things out of kindness but this just- it ruined me. How could he not share something like that with me”

“Y/N I don’t even know what to say,” Nick too looks frustrated as he slides his long fingers through his equally long quiff.

She sighs and ignores the urge to throw up the mini tacos she had for lunch that day.

“Look. I don’t really know Camille, only met the girl once,” he admits hesitantly. “I don’t want to point fingers but you know H. What if she manipulated him?“

Y/N didn’t want to put the blame on her because first of all, she didn’t know her and didn’t know her side of the story and second, she wasn’t going to try and shift the blame since it was Harry who accepted to go through such thing. “I feel like shit.”

Nick gives her a broken smile and strokes her arm at the confession.

“Well... understandable.”

She honestly takes no offence at his bluntness; she knew Nick by now and knew him well enough to know that he was very straight forward and never spoke to offend his friends. In most cases.

When she opens her mouth, her phone lights up on her lap. At the cheesy smile of Harry that shows up on her screen, she takes a deep breath.

They both stare at each other until Nick grabs the phone between her thighs and places it face down next to Y/N’s tea. She feels instant relief as he doesn’t pester her about answering it.

“You can stay here tonight if you like, although I know it would make him feel like shit and I would really want you guys to talk this through. Have you at least texted him where you are?” he asks, watching her closely.

“I don’t care about how he feels. He deserves to feel like shit,” she basically scoffs.

“Just send him a text love, let him know you’re safe. I know him, he’s probably pulling his hair strand by strand right now” he tries again which makes her sigh and lean back.

Nick was such a weird person, she thought. In a good way. She met him through Harry but they hit it off as soon as Y/N gave him hell for his questionable fashion choices and his haircut. Since then, they kept in touch and at times, they invited each other over for drinks or dinner since they lived really close.

She felt grateful and loved and it made her even more angry at Harry.

Trying to be more sensible, Y/N reaches for her phone and texts him, ignoring the five missed calls.

At a friend’s. Don’t want to talk rn.

She never doubted his love and loyalty. Even in a situation like this, she knew he loved her. She wasn’t the type to go on and on about the possibility of her partner still being hung up on their ex.

She knew he wrote songs about his ex. A lot of them.

OK, when she first heard Cherry she felt like crying at first but then came to love the song so much so that she never once skipped the song when it came up on her driving playlist and even sang along.

She knew they both didn’t have time for what ifs and immature games like starting arguments about the ex. They were honest with each other and that was enough for them.

Well. They were.

She took pride in always being honest with him- maybe except the time when spent two days morosely contemplating how to tell him how she crashed her car into his motorcycle that left a tiny dent on the vehicle.

Call her selfish but she wouldn’t compare the two together.

“I think I’ll go,” she stands up, giving one last pet to the black pug who was yawning under the coffee table. This made Nick stand up as well.

He looked like he wanted to argue but he wasn’t the type to do so.

“The offer still stands. Just... just try to be open minded about this, yeah? I know what he did is wrong but still.”

“Thanks for the tea and sorry for throwing a pity party at your house,” she tries laughing but only a pathetic chuckle leaves her chapped lips which earns a slap from Nick.

“Come here you,”

They hug until Y/N sniffs again and Nick gives her a one last look.

“You alright to drive?” he asks once they’re standing outside, Nick’s foot squished between the door to keep it from closing.

Despite it being May, evenings were still chilly so she cuddles Harry’s jacket even more, as the faint smell of his cologne remained present.

She smiles- genuinely smiles at his thoughtfulness. “Yeah, it’s like a five minute drive. Thanks again. Mesh seems great, I’m really happy for you.”

He gives her a smile of his own and a side hug before she goes down the stairs, into the car. As she checks the left wing mirror and drives away, she smiles at Nick’s loud ‘love ya’ coming from behind.

When she arrives at the flat, she sees that the light outside was on which makes her feel woozy.

When Harry stays in London, at hers during the winter, he always tells her he would leave the light on since it would get really dark by the time she got home from work. It always made her smile and now it teared her insides apart because how could he be this stupid?

Part of her wanted to go inside, hug him real tight and say, ‘it’s okay, you’re just an idiot but I love you I love you I love you, let’s make a cuppa and watch stupid reruns of Corrie’ but she knew that wasn’t realistic. She knew that wasn’t fair on her, on both of them really.

She knew he knew that she was home because the Mercedes made a lot of noise and they both knew the sound by heart. She also knew that he changed his position on the couch numerous times because he was nervous and didn’t want to seem too comfortable when she came in.

After grabbing her things and locking the car, she walks to the door and then, she was inside the cosy flat.

Harry’s green Nikes were still where she saw them last when she first got back from work. The house still smelled like vanilla. She could still see the dust build-up on the small table that held their keys and other knick-knacks. It was as if nothing had changed and it made her want to break down and cry right next to Harry’s trainers because she was that pathetic.

She takes her shoes off, throws everything near them and goes inside where he could see Harry sitting on their well-loved pink sofa.

If she weren’t this angry and hurt, she would make fun of his greasy curls and pout.

When she was fully inside the living room, he slowly lifts up his head and looks at her. When their eyes met, she hears him sniff.

“You’re back,” he speaks quietly as if there was a baby sleeping in the other room.

She doesn’t reply. In fact, his question makes her angry. Didn’t he see she was back? Why was he breathing so hard? Why was that strand of hair in his eyes? Was she wearing a bra?

As soon as her minds drifts off to a weird place, she manages to turn it all off and concentrate on Harry.

She walks further into the living room and sits down on the armchair, wanting to keep her distance. Her hands immediately find their place between her thighs.

Minutes pass and she finally begins talking.

“I’m not even going to ask why you  didn’t tell me. I just want to know why you did it in the first place because I’m really curious.”

He sniffs again but she knows it’s mostly because of hay fever acting up.

“She called me two months ago. She said she was in a lot of debt. She said she started renting this place downtown LA and that her and-”

“Bloody hell, where was I when you had a heart to heart?” She cuts him off, growing angrier by the second.

“The friend also left her alone at the house so she couldn't to pay the rent herself-” he explains but Y/N’s scoff shuts him up.

“And since you’re like, shitting money, you jumped at the opportunity?” she can’t help but mock him out of frustration.

Harry looks distraught as he slides his hands through his curls. The movement catches Y/N’s attention but she lowers her gaze so that she wouldn’t think about how soft his curls looked despite the grease.

He opens his mouth again, probably to tell her off for cutting him off for the second time but he knew better than that.

She then blinks twice when their eyes meet again, to tell him to go on.

“It was a mistake,” Harry starts, “I know and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. You and mum always tell me off for being too nice and well, you’re right. Of course you are.”

When she doesn’t speak, he continues:

“I paid two instalments of her rent. I felt bad for her but I knew- I know that it was stupid of me. I know and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you or- or talk to you before,” he gulped and slid his fingers through his hair. “I knew I fucked up after the money went through. I now have nothing to do with her, I promise you. I know you’re angry with me. Rightly so. But please know that I’m sorry. I really am,”

He looks close to tears and Y/N sighs, going to sit down next to him on the sofa. This surprises Harry and he looks down.

“You’re just- you’re so nice, Harry. And I don’t mean it in a positive way. Sometimes your kindness backfires. And this is huge. You went behind my back.”

“Are you done with me? With us?” He practically whispers and it breaks Y/N. It tears her apart and she feels like her heart is in her mouth, wanting to escape and fall in their feet.

Stupid Harry, she thinks. Stupid, stupid.

“I’m serious about this, about us. That’s why I’m this angry and hurt, Harry. I’m so hurt. Do you understand that?” she says, earning a nod from Harry.

“I do. Baby, I do. I promise. I do.”

She doesn’t reply. Instead, another sigh leaves her mouth as their eyes finally found each other.

He looks like he’s contemplating something.

“I can go, give you some space or- or I, I’ll sleep on the-” Y/N cuts him off immediately, understanding where he was going.

“Don’t be silly. No one’s leaving this house anymore tonight. I just- I just want to sleep.” she admits quietly and looks down at her hands.

She felt drained. She felt like her body was too heavy for her to handle right now. She felt hungry and hurt and hungry and hurt, hurt, hurt.

When she next looks at him, her stare is hesitant; shy, almost. She knows it’s not practical. But she says it anyway.

“Will you- I mean, can we- can we lay down for a bit? I feel like someone’s suffocating me and I... can we just lay down?” she asks quietly, almost embarrassed. She knows it’s stupid of her. It’s pathetic.

She feels like a child, running away from her problems. But she knows they’re not going anywhere.

She wants to be selfish, unreasonable right now.

When she next looks at Harry, his eyes look almost glassy. He gulps as he slowly reaches to her, wanting to test the waters.

She doesn’t let him touch her but she stands up and stands in front of the stairs. She can see Harry’s socks at the top of the stairs and it makes everything hurt even more.

She turns back to Harry who was watching her from where he stood by the sofa. After a minute of silent conversation, he makes his way towards her and they slowly go up the stairs.

When they stand in front of their bedroom, she looks at him again.

She sighs as they go insides.

Later, she thinks to herself as she climbs onto their bed, clean sheets making her sigh in satisfaction.

“Come on then,” she whispers as Harry takes off his shirt but leaves his joggers on.

As he lays under the covers, he knows they’re far from okay. He knows it’ll be a while until they’re okay. But he lays there like a statue, not wanting to do anything to make Y/N uncomfortable.

She turns her back to him and hugs the covers.

When she doesn’t make any noise, Harry sighs and turns his head towards her, watching the back of hers. He doesn’t know how long he watches the back of Y/N’s head until a pain shots through his neck.

Later, Harry thinks. They’ll do it later.

[ahkaahshi]

12:27 AM [kuroo tetsurou x reader]

pairing: kuroo tetsurou x fem reader (platonic relationship)

genre: fluff and angst

warning(s): swearing, brief mentions of alcohol consumption

word count: 2.8k

overview: you go on one, final late night food run with your best friend to commemorate your last evening in tokyo

notes: as stated above, the reader and kuroo’s relationship here is purely platonic. it just felt right. also, this one’s a bit more dialogue-heavy than usual, but it’s intentional :) hope you enjoy!

At 12:27 AM, Kuroo’s standing in the kitchen, poring over an open cupboard of food—none of which seems to fulfill his cravings. Tapping the toes of his house slippers against the tiled floor, he sends a glance over at where you’re sitting on the couch, watching the movie he’d put on with rapt attention. His attempts at successfully blocking out thoughts of what’s to come tomorrow are foiled once more when his gaze settles on the luggage waiting patiently in the entryway.

“Hey, (f/n),” he calls out to you, shutting the cabinets in front of him and turning away from them. The eyebrow you raise at him expectantly has him continuing, “Whaddya say to going on one, last late-night food run in the city with your old pal?”

With a snicker, you toss the mountains of blankets off your body and stand up as you say, “You act as if today’s my last day on the planet, Tetsu.”

“Seriously, though, who knows when we’ll be able to do this again?” he wonders, “Might as well live like it’s your last day on the planet, even if it’s just for a night, right?”

You shake your head as you pull on an old Nekoma hoodie out of your backpack that matches the one he’s wearing. “Quit it, dumbass; you’re gonna make me all sentimental.”

A grin spreads across his lips and he gives you a playful shake once the two of you have stepped into your shoes and left his home. It warms your heart but shatters it at the same time, since you’re painfully aware of the fact that tonight will be the last time you see it in person for what could be months. And if his words hadn’t already made you a bit emotional, the drive through Tokyo would’ve done the trick.

He rolls the windows of his car down, letting in the cool, nighttime air that whistles past as the vehicle picks up speed. In an effort he wants to seem as spontaneous as possible, he plays music from a playlist the two of you had made together back when you were in high school, shouting and dancing along to the lyrics of every song with you with an enthusiasm that has you doubling over in your seat with laughter.

Every stoplight gives other drivers and pedestrians buzzing around the bustling downtown area the opportunity to shoot you judgmental looks or those of entertainment, but you’re too busy living in the moment with him that you barely notice or even care, for that matter. You don’t know where he’s taking you, but you don’t bother to ask. Instead, you find yourself lost in admiring the dazzling array of lights passing you by during your drive through the lively city. Knowing you’ll be in a new one by this time tomorrow has you gazing upon everything you’d simply passed by before without a second thought with a newfound appreciation and lingering nostalgia.

Eventually, after Kuroo’s impressed you by maneuvering his car into a tighter parking spot than you thought he could fit in, you find your destination is a small restaurant tucked away in one of the back alleys aglow with neon signs. Though it’s packed to the brim with other patrons enjoying a late-night meal, there’s plenty of conversation between you and your friend to fill the time you spend waiting for a table.

Once you’re inside, you bask in the warmth heavy with the delicious smell of fresh food as the two of you sit together and reminisce over steaming bowls of ramen. “You know one thing I’ll never forget?” Kuroo begins, fishing out a few plump noodles with his chopsticks. You glance over at him expectantly while you blow on the broth in your spoon and he chuckles before adding, “The look on Lev’s face when he hit you in the back of the head during warmups and you gave him the coldest stare I’ve ever seen.”

“I felt so bad when I realized it was him, though, ‘cause I thought it was you!” you defend.

Kuroo’s unoccupied hand flies to his chest to complete the feigned look of shock on his face. “And you were gonna look at me like that if it was?”

“You were always aiming for me, Tetsu.”

“You were always on the court!”

“Helping Coach toss and keeping hitters like you from fucking up your ankles by coming down on stray volleyballs, you asshole.”

Kuroo shrugs and comments, “I never hit you hard, though,” and moves another serving of noodles to his lips. “Just wanted to keep our beloved manager on her toes is all.”

With an incredulous scoff, you retort, “Yeah, you did that, alright. And even well into uni, too.”

There’s a pause in your conversation as you both take a moment to enjoy your food before Kuroo questions, “Could you please submit your evidence to the court?”

“Halloween,” you state, (e/c) eyes laser focused on his own, hazel ones. He’s narrowing them, as if he’s trying to remember the event in question, so you help him out by continuing, “You and Kou were insistent on coming with me to a raging house party that night. The two of you got so, annoyingly drunk that you were laughing at the top of your lungs like hyenas about videos of pets dressed up in costumes at three in the morning.”

He raises a finger contemplatively. “I might’ve blacked out, but that does sound like something I’d do.”

“In that case, you probably forgot about all the noise complaints I got, then; and how the owner of the place came to scold me in person.”

A bashful grin forms on his lips at the memory you’ve reminded him of, and he concedes, “Alright, alright; we’ve both done a lot of stupid shit in the time we’ve known each other, so let’s just leave it at that. Besides, I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to remind you of the time you lost your bikini top in the ocean and were too mortified to move, so you made me swim in and get it, right?”

“This conversation is over,” you declare, face growing hot with embarrassment as a vivid image of the moment in question flashes across your mind.

As the two of you continue enjoying your delicious meals and reminiscing about other, more positive experiences you’ve shared together, you feel the knot that’s been settled in the pit of your stomach for what seems to be weeks now make itself known once more. In spite of your outward calmness and enthusiasm, you were starting to have trouble hiding your nervousness. The last thing you’d wanted was for anyone to notice and try to talk you out of your decision, but Kuroo’s far more perceptive than most and knows you well enough to understand what you’re thinking.

When the two of you finish your meals and find the strength to scoot out of your chairs, he notices the way you gaze longingly at your surroundings. He catches sight of the gentle glimmer of emotion in your eyes as you request that he drive you anywhere he wants—just to hold off on going back to his place for a bit longer. And each time he takes his eyes off the road ahead to cast a glance in your direction, he finds your attention fixated on all the buildings and people that pass by.

But it’s not until the two of you arrive at a nearly empty parking lot outside a large, sprawling park that he decides to bring up the question of what’s on your mind. “Hey, (f/n),” he says, making you turn on your heels to face him where you’d been standing a few feet away from his car, watching the twinkling lights in the distance. He looks so carefree, perched on the hood of his vehicle, hands shoved into the pockets of his black joggers, whereas you’re much more on edge, trying to keep your foot-tapping against the loose gravel to a minimum.

“Hmm?”

He purses his lips for a moment before answering slowly, “I’ve been thinking about this for a while—the last day we’d spend together. And it’s one of those things that you just can’t really prepare yourself for, no matter how hard you try to, y’know?” The muscles around your brow relax, and your expression becomes more curious upon being pulled out of your worrisome thoughts. “I know how I’m feeling, but how are you holding up?”

Your fingers interlace themselves as you bite the inside of your cheek. Even if you want to, there’s no bullshitting Kuroo. Not when he’s seen you in every state you can imagine and is often one to pick up on your feelings before you’re even aware they exist, though he often brings them to your attention with a more lighthearted approach than most would think appropriate to take. Doesn’t mean he cares any less, however; and you can see the genuine concern in his hazel eyes shining a paler color in the white moonlight.

“I’m excited,” you tell him. With the way your heart’s pounding in your chest, you’d be surprised if he couldn’t hear its pulse in your voice. Moving towards him to occupy the space on the hood beside him, you take a deep breath and look up at him. “But I’m terrified at the same time.” It’s instantaneous, the way you lean into his touch the moment he slings his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him. “Since we were kids, I was always talking about wanting to move to another country, remember?”

“I thought you just said that to make me sad whenever I pissed you off.”

You lightly swat his chest and argue, “Oh, be quiet.” But, before you can continue with what you were going to say, you find yourself focused on the words he’d spoken instead. “Wait, did you actually mean that?”

With a gentle chuckle, he shrugs. “Nah, I was joking.” The adam’s apple in his throat bobs when he turns his attention towards the sky and admits, “But I always did get a little sad whenever you mentioned it. Still do.” A moment of silence filled with the distant sounds of traffic and the chirping of insects ensues during which you watch your fingers toy with the aglets hanging off your hoodie. “I mean, come on, now; what kinda kid wants one of his best friends to move away when he knows how big the world is but how singular and small he is?”

“Tetsu,” you murmur softly, feeling your lip tremble with emotion and your eyes sting with oncoming tears, “You’ve always been there for me through, like, everything. Or, at least, it feels that way. Part of the reason why I’m so scared of leaving is because I’m gonna be all by myself, in a brand-new place, just thrown into the deep end of things and having to teach myself how to swim all over again. But another part of it is because I’m gonna be away from you. And even now, as an adult, I still don’t wanna move away from my best friend.”

He doesn’t even have to look at you or hear you sniffle to know you’re crying, and he tightens his grip around you, placing his other hand on your back. Appreciative of the gesture, you bury your face in the soft fabric of his sweatshirt and pull him into an embrace so you can hold onto him for a few, long moments that you wish didn’t have to end.

“Hey, it’s all good as long as you don’t forget about me once you make it big out there, okay?” His tone is teasing and lighthearted, as per usual, but you can hear the subtlest break in his voice that has more tears cascading down your cheeks and pooling in the creases of his sweater.

“I’m not gonna forget you—I could never—but, what if I can’t do it?” you whimper, “What if I get there and I hate the job, or I hate my coworkers, or I hate life over there? Then I’ll be stuck out there with no one.”

Rubbing your back gently, he assures you, “If worst comes to worst, you can come back home and regroup. You’ll always have a place to stay here. Well… unless I get super famous and end up being offered a job to travel around the world.” You can’t help but snicker at his comment, and neither can he. “Even if I’m not physically there, I’ll always be there in spirit. And don’t discount the possibility of me showing up at your doorstep, since we know I have a tendency to do that.”

“Like a stray cat I keep feeding.”

“Exactly. Maybe you’ll even get two if I can convince Kenma to come with me. We’ll have to see how long he can survive off his Switch alone.”

Your bodies both shake with laughter for a few moments before you pull away from each other, and his hands slide onto your shoulders to give them a firm squeeze. Keeping your head lowered for a moment, you drag the sleeves of your hoodie across your eyes to wipe up any stray tears you hadn’t left on his. When your gazes meet, though, the confidence in his almost entirely dissolves the knot that’s been building in your stomach for so long.

“Hey.” He shakes you gently, and you jokingly let your head roll about, eliciting more snickers from both of your mouths before looking at him expectantly and with your full attention. “Don’t let the worst-case scenario hold you back from something that could be great. You’re so quick to think about how likely the worst possible thing is to happen, but why can’t the best be just as likely?”

Playfully, you tease, “Wow, seems like someone’s trying to get me outta here,” with a smirk.

“(F/n),” he sighs, sending a long plume of steam upwards from his mouth. Giving you a firm pat on the arm, he admits, “I’m gonna miss you like hell. But this is what you’ve been wanting for so long, and I want you to do it so badly. Partly so I can say that I have a vacation property abroad, but mostly because you know I want the best for you, since you deserve it.”

Your lip quakes once again at his confession, but you manage to blink back the tears this time and crack a smile. “Okay. But if you’d better not get even the slightest bit sentimental or teary-eyed tomorrow or else I’m gonna cry like a bitch all the way through the airport.”

“Eyes will be dry as long as you promise to video call me the second you land so I can go on the cab ride with you and see the whole, cute apartment reveal thing that’s so trendy these days.”

A mixture of a giggle and a gentle sob leaves your mouth as you watch his figure distorted by your swimming vision rise from the hood of his car. You feel warm hands on your wrists pulling you up onto your feet before you’re ensconced in another tight hug while Kuroo rocks from one foot to the other.

“You’re gonna be fine.”

After giving you a squeeze hard enough to push the air out of your lungs, he releases his grasp around you and opens the door on the passenger’s side so you can climb in and retreat from the coldness of the night. “With all these emotions plus the food, I’m gonna knock out so fast when we get home,” you mumble with a soft sniffle, reaching for the packet of tissues in his glove compartment once he’s settled in the driver’s seat.

He scoffs and furrows his eyebrows at you as he sticks his keys in the ignition. “Who said you were sleeping tonight? You’ve got the whole plane ride tomorrow to do that.”

“Alright, you can’t blame me for being cranky, then.”

With a shake of the head, he shifts the car into reverse so he can back out of the parking lot and start the journey back to his home. While the music you’d been blasting earlier plays softly from the speakers, you rest your head on the door once more to watch your familiar surroundings breeze by outside.

“Tetsurou.” You glance over at him and his head of haphazardly styled hair that you’re sure won’t fit on the screen of your phone the next time you see him, and his eyes meet yours when he brings the car to a halt at a stop sign. “Thanks for spending my so-called last night on the planet with me.”

extra that didn’t make the cut: kuroo didn’t shed a tear at the airport until after he thought you’d left. but you’d actually just hid somewhere and caught him with watery eyes. you still video called him as soon as you landed, though.

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