#they HAVE TO SURVIVE WIN AND GRADUATE FIRST DAMN IT

[epickiya722]

Sometimes I have to question why people want romance to be the endgame for a character especially if the genre is far from being a romance.

What? Platonic relationships aren't as important? Mending broken relationships? Family?

Not everything needs to be a "babies ever after" ending. 🙄

Jeez, if I'm watching an action, I'm expecting action. Romance is the last thing in my mind. I wanna see the big bad get defeated. I could care less about "Are they gonna date or not?" I tuned in for fight scenes, not a dating game.

Like I have my ships, too, but them being canon is the last thing I want when the characters are losing their lives, limbs and happiness while trying to when a battle against a big bad with issues.

If I wanted romance for a canon ending... I'D WATCH A ROMANCE.

[munson-blurbs]

Summary: After a beer pong challenge gone horribly wrong (or right, if you're Gareth), Eddie has to shave his head. As much as you'll miss his signature curls, you have to admit that his new look isn't all that bad...

WC: 1.6k

Warnings: smut (18+ only, minors DNI), drinking, beefy!Eddie, mention of Eddie's weight gain, Eddie + Reader are both 25, oral (f!receiving), unprotected p in v

Based on a request by @josephquinnsfreckles and a conversation with @blueywrites about the lengths we'd go to for beefy!Eddie.

Divider credit to @saradika

It was all Gareth’s idea. 

Gareth had been the one to crack open a Pabst can and make a snarky remark about knowing he could beat Eddie in beer pong. 

Had been the one to say that Eddie had gotten soft in the five years since graduation, to which Eddie winked at you and replied, “I think my girl would say the opposite.” 

Had been the one to up the ante with a “little bet.”

You shot Eddie a warning look that he ignored, opting instead to meet Gareth’s challenge. “Fine. When I win, you gotta let me pierce your eyebrow.”

“Okay,” Gareth rolled his eyes, “but when I win, you have to shave your head.”

At the same time as you blurted out, “absolutely not,” Eddie grinned and said, “you’re on.”

Jeff laughed from his spot on the couch. “Thank God. You’ve had the same haircut since, what? Ninth grade?”

“Eddie,” you hissed, pulling him over to the side. “You can’t get rid of your hair.”

Your boyfriend had shrugged nonchalantly as though the state of his beautiful brown curls didn’t depend on a drinking game. “Relax, babe.” He pulled you into his side. “He’s never beaten me in beer pong. None of these losers have.”

That’s why you now find yourself stationed outside of the bathroom in Grant’s apartment, too afraid to glimpse at the commotion inside. The sound of the electric buzzer was bad enough. 

The guys are all blissfully oblivious to your turmoil; even Eddie is cackling and asking Gareth to give him a mohawk. You can only assume that he obliged once you hear the four men erupt into a round of raucous laughter. 

“Last piece,” Gareth goads, a muffled zzzzzz coming from the buzzer as he presses it into Eddie’s scalp. “Aaaaand…done!”

Done. 

All of Eddie’s hair now lay on the tile floor, because he lost a bet to Gareth Emerson.  

The hair that he pulled back into a low bun before working on his motorcycle. The hair that you twirled around your forefinger whenever he kissed you. The hair that you loved weaving your fingers into as he kneeled before you, leaving teasing kisses along your inner thighs before devouring you.

If you had known he would be bald at the end of the night, you would’ve begged to let his hair tickle between your legs once more. 

“Whaddya think, babe?” Eddie peeks around the corner. His eyes, hazy from a night of drinking, stare into yours. Even drunk, he still seeks out your approval. 

Too bad you’re speechless. 

You’ve become accustomed to Eddie’s various metamorphoses. When you first met Eddie, he was lanky, only relying on assorted snacks and copious amounts of Mountain Dew. It was how he’d survived all of those years of food insecurity. And while you loved his body then, nothing could have prepared you for how he looked just two short years later. 

His biceps now hold muscle and softness; you often find yourself unable to risk the temptation of biting into them. His stomach has also acquired a slight heft, a pleasant side effect from eating three square meals a day. His jeans now cling to the curve of his ass and no longer require a belt. 

But his hair? That had always stayed the same:curls that frizzed at the first sign of humidity, worn like a badge of honor. You couldn’t picture him without it. 

If you had, there’s no way you could have imagined him looking so damn sexy. 

Eddie laughs at your shell-shocked expression, your widened eyes and dropped jaw. “That bad, Sweetheart?”

“No…’s good. Really, um, good.” Your throat is suddenly dry, and you swallow just so you don’t cough. “Can I feel it?”

He nods, and you brush your fingers over his bare scalp. Your touch is met with a soft fuzziness that was never there before. 

Long-haired Eddie looked wild and chaotic, a Tasmanian Devil of a man. But buzzed-haired Eddie looks tough. Strong. Like he’ll destroy any other man who dares look at you. 

And it makes you absolutely primal. 

“I think we broke her,” Grant whispers loudly, and the rest of the room breaks out into tipsy giggles, slapping at each other and stumbling back into the kitchen for more ill-advised drinking.

Eddie frowns, not able to read your expression. “It’ll grow back,” he says, one ringed hand rubbing your back. He lets his fingers linger on the curve of your ass and gives it an inconspicuous pinch.

“C’mere.” You take advantage of the guys’ distractedness and pull Eddie into the nearest bedroom. The moment the door shuts and the lock clicks, you’re pressing your lips to his. On instinct, his denim-clad leg slots between yours, creating a hint of friction against the seam of your own jeans.  

“Fuck, Sweetheart.” His words are muffled by the barrage of kisses. “Can’t just clobber me like this; gonna get me all worked up.”

“Maybe that’s what I want.” You drag your forefinger up his fly, relishing in the way his cock is already beginning to harden. 

Eddie practically throws you onto the bed, his biceps flexing with the sudden movement. “Gotta make this quick, yeah? Don’t want those idiots interrupting us.” With that, he tugs your pants away from your body, practically tearing off your cotton panties along with it. 

“Oh, honey,” he coos, dropping to his knees at the foot of the bed and throwing his head back. “You’re already soaked.” He smirks before nipping at the soft flesh of your thighs, alternating between kisses and bites. “All this from a little haircut?”

All you can do is nod, leaning back so he can wrap his arms around your upper legs and fully bury his face into your weeping cunt. “Mmph,” he moans against you. You reflexively reach down to grab onto his locks, stopping when you’re met with his newly buzzed hair. Instead, you pull him in closer until his nose nudges your clit. 

You say his name on an exhale, your pussy clenching around nothing as his pointer and middle fingers part your folds. You’re spread open for him, a blank canvas for him to create art. “Inside. Please.”

He might be inclined to make you beg further, but the threat of his buddies banging on the door has him relenting quickly.     

Eddie’s grip on you tightens and his fingernails leave crescent-shaped divots. A breath catches in your lungs, your mind blanking when he greedily laps up your arousal and plunges his tongue into your hole. 

His groans vibrate against you. “So much easier without my hair in the way.” He pulls back to catch his breath, his chin already shining. Brown doe eyes peer up at you, once again waiting for you to approve. 

“K-Keep going,” you mumble, only acutely aware of the party occurring in the adjacent room. “Need you so bad it hurts.”

“Don’t want my sweet girl hurting.” The pad of Eddie’s thumb makes small, concentric circles on your clit, making your whole lower body tense up in anticipation of your orgasm. “There we go. No need to pout.”

Your back arches when he dives back in. He maintains his rhythm, inhaling deeply when the bulb of his nose brushes against that sweet spot. Pleasure is right within your reach, your hips moving in tandem with his ministrations to chase that glorious high. 

It isn’t as though Eddie has ever been bad at oral; you’ve lost count of how many times he’s made you come on his tongue. But now that he doesn’t have to constantly shake his hair from his eyes—now that he has an unobstructed view of just where to touch you—he hits each stroke with perfect precision. 

“Eddie—holy sh-shit, Eddie—right there right there right fucking there!” Your release crashes over you faster than it ever has before. It’s as though Eddie has transported you to another planet, another galaxy, another universe, and you will yourself to float back down just to reciprocate the pleasure he’s given you. 

His pants button is already undone, hidden behind an oversized Metallica t-shirt, your fingers finding the hint of pudge on his lower tummy. “One of my old pairs,” he says sheepishly. 

They’re gone in a flash, along with his pre-cum stained boxers. He climbs on top of you, hard cock in his fist, and runs it through the mixture of saliva and arousal at your core. 

“‘M not gonna last long,” Eddie murmurs, locking his gaze with yours. He’s not embarrassed; he’s proud that he can bring himself to the edge just by eating out his girl. 

You can’t stop the scream that emanates from your throat when he pushes inside you, but you also can’t be bothered to care about anyone else hearing. All of your thoughts center around Eddie filling you wholly and the sacrifices you’d make to keep him inside you forever. 

He punctuates each thrust with an animalistic grunt, taking as much as he can with every snap of his hips. “My…good…girl,” he pants. “My…good…fuckin’…girl.”

“All yours. All yours, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes roll back as you submit yourself to him. “Gonna come. Gonna come inside you, fuck, Sweetheart!” With one final movement, he spills into you. 

You cry out his name once more, letting your hand fall to the small love handle just above his hip bone. Another one of your favorite places to bite, especially when you could sneak up on him and catch him off-guard. 

He flops down, his fuzzy head tickling your jaw as he nuzzles into your neck. “The buzzcut really does it for ya, huh?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

--

[twoa-plus]

it’s 2:00am and this is more of a character thing than a genuine theory but *claps hands for the drama* same coin theory. what if both of the stans are bill

or like. a parallel to him. like i said this isn’t a super serious theory i’m mostly just back on my character analysis bs lol

so i haven’t gotten to talk abt this much but i am a firm believer in that there is not a superior stan. from a personality perspective this is obviously entirely subjective, but i mean that there isn’t a superior one when it comes to their objective traits and how useful they are

ford is. ford. i don’t really have to say anything here he’s super smart can play the piano or whatever etc etc. however one thing that i will say that i think is important here is that i am like. 99% sure this man has a higher tolerance to The Horrors than other humans do. dude spent 30 years in that portal and came out pretty much the same level of crazy, and we all saw what happened to fiddleford. i know fidds saw bill take off his exoskeleton or whatever but u can’t convince me that ford traveled the multiverse - with all sorts of monsters and non-3d dimensions and god knows what else - for 3 decades and didn’t see some shit that would make anybody else lose it. like at this point u could tell me this guy could have a casual conversation over tea with cthulu and be fine and i’d believe u

as for stan - and i mean this in the absolute best way possible i love this guy - he’s like the world’s most charismatic cockroach. he’s fantastic with people and just straight up refuses to die. for the first point i don’t just mean this in the conman way, when it comes to the people that actually matter stan always manages to win them over in some way or another (soos, wendy, the kids, ford, etc) and one does not simply survive for a decade on the street without needing the occasional favor from someone who actually likes you. “oh but rico-“ man when u’ve been living as a homeless criminal for a decade and the list of people that want to kill u consists of 1 person and the government u’ve done pretty damn well. anyways as for the cockroach point, he’s alive and has his memories. i don’t even have to say much here stan went through all of That, lived through the series itself including The Literal Apocalypse, metaphorically (something something people are just a collage of their life experiences) died at the end of it all and then came back to life. that’s hardcore as hell man. in a less literal interpretation of the “refusing to die” bit, he’s also just. insanely determined. the biggest example is ofc him never graduating highschool and yet teaching himself god knows how much math and science and whatnot over the course of 30 damn years because he just refuses to believe that he can’t save his brother. stan pines is a force of nature i swear

[additional note while im already ranting about this guy, im not a personal believer in the “stan is just as (academically) smart as ford” theory. first of all i feel like this entire theory is kind of rooted in the idea that he has to be/be on the same level as “the smart one” to have value, which is an idea that the stans’ entire backstory is based around criticizing, and i think stan has something just as if not more valuable than freakish intelligence - raw fucking grit. he wasn’t the one to open the portal back up because of some intellectual advantage, he was the one to open the portal back up because he wanted to, god damn it, and best of luck to you if you’re gonna try and stop him.]

anyways as for the same coin thing, everybody knows the stan part. his casual references to the impending apocalypse, “you’ve been buying gold, right?”, him being such a good conman, etc etc. while i’m already ranting about stan’s determination, bill’s got that too - he’s been trying for like thousands of years to take over the world and he just Won’t Stop. point is there’s a lot of character traits they share

(i know in the original same coin post a pretty major point is stan not making a deal with bill, but i think that could probably be pretty easily explained without the need for divine intervention. the only times bill makes a deal with someone without them summoning him first is after he’s kind of left on a loose end with gideon, and everyone knows stan wouldn’t fall for his lies in the first place)

bill also shares a lot of traits with ford, though. both have some kind of physical anomaly (bill’s eye & ford’s hands), both can see/understand things others of their species can’t, they’re both egomaniacs (listen i love ford but the guy has issues), etc. u could even argue that, at least at the time they meet, they have some kind of connection through their loneliness

so. with the theory of “bill was reincarnated to make up for what he did,” what if it wasn’t just stan? what if he was split in two, and his “reincarnation” is both of them? they’re flawed enough to make it a lot harder for either of them to take over the world (ford’s lack of social skills & stan’s lack of freakish academic knowledge), and they have something bill doesn’t - each other.

bill is alone. that’s his whole problem. he killed everyone he loved, treats everyone new he meets like shit, and now he’s Like That. throughout it all, the one thing the stans have always had - even if it was just in their memory - is each other. “oh but ford-“ shhhh. shhshhshshshhsh. shut up. ford has Problems but i genuinely don’t think he ever stopped loving stan. love is weird, first of all, and secondly he clearly never stopped trusting him. no matter what he might say about stan being a liar or a conman or whatever, who’s the one person he goes to when he’s forced to admit he needs help? ford is a weird guy and has an… odd way of showing it but he loves his family just like the rest of the pines and i will die on this hill

i’ve been writing this for over an hour straight and i think my brain is melting but i’m sure at this point u get the idea. both of the stans, together, serve as a parallel to bill, and the one thing they have that he doesn’t is love. that’s what killed him.

something something killing an interdimensional dream demon with the power of friendship and this gun i found

[rotationalsymmetry]

OK so having slept after finishing the last graduate with no idea how the golden enclaves starts (spoilers for the first/speculation about the latter):

I can see three general possible ways things might go from here.

One, the most straightforward narratively from the way TLG ended: El gets shoved through the portal, Orion gets shut into a school that's about to eat itself, Orion gets to have his epic ultra boss fight until he wins or gets eaten or dies in the void or goes mad in the void, we'll never find out which. Presumably El will have a lot of distress over this.

Downsides: does not offer clear direction for what actually happens in the entire final 1/3 of the trilogy (that's more the sort of thing you have at the end of a story), doesn't really explain El's mum's warning, if we can trust El that her mum wouldn't give that warning for avoiding pain alone. (Unless El is pregnant and the warning related to that. But damn, El's mum warning her about getting pregnant while in the Scholomance would have some really weird implications for their relationship. It's not unusual for a woman who got pregnant young to not want her daughter to do the same, but...I have trouble seeing El's mum specifically addressing that concern in that way. Especially since it's not like Orion was the only boy in school. Except maybe if there's something weird about the pregnancy due to the circumstances, but I'm hoping we're not going in a magical/cursed/supernaturally very scary pregnancy direction.)

Two, El finds a way to either keep herself from getting thrown out of the portal -- finding something to literally or magically grab onto -- or somehow manages to get back in right after. The door closes, and they're both trapped in the void with a bunch of mals. In an exploding school. I actually really like this idea? It might get very surreal for a bit. But it also might mean that there was a reason the school was rewarding El for learning so much about the golden sutras while still in school -- and the school was pushing her to do that, that double independent study -- when El was fully aware that the sensible thing to do was to focus on survival for now and the sutras after graduation.

Especially since, while the phase spell was used near the end of A Deadly Education to patch up the hole in the walls, as far as I can tell the sutras weren't even slightly used after New Year's. El used the Mandarin (I assume, for some reason it was all "Mandarin" and "Shanghaiese" in book 1 and then all of a sudden "Chinese" in book 2? Kind of hoping that's a different editions issue because why would you do that??? Like I can understand simplifying things, but pick one or the other and definitely don't go from the more subtle/nuanced approach to the dumbed down one, that's just wrong) that she was picking up mostly to speak with the freshmen more than she used the Sutras in the last half of the year. Including that plot hook where she was getting really excited about the most recent spell she was on and then we never found out what it was because then she had to hurry to breakfast and then that was it for classes for the rest of the year.

Anyways. Advantage: maybe use the sutras to build new enclave from the shattered remnants of the exploding school in the void? Without dying or getting eaten or going mad, somehow? It'd be weird but cool. Plus it provides direction for the book, and lets our fascinating couple be together. Although it would mean we don't get to meet El's Mum Higgins for much longer, which would be terrible. It would also explain the Word Of Mum since presumably getting caught in an exploding school full of mals that has been cut off from the real world and is floating in the void, is something a parent would consider a negative outcome for their child, and it only happens because El is emotionally attached to Orion. (Maybe. Or maybe she'd try to save him anyways, idk.)

Third option: El manages to yank Orion out. This has most of the disadvantages of option one (no direction for where to take book 3, kind of anticlimactic) plus doesn't even have Angst unless El does something Evil to do it and it fucks up their relationship, El's relationship with herself, and El's relationship with her mother all in one go. Like either pulling mana from Orion against his will, or maybe mind-controlling him (we know she has mind-control spells.) The part of my brain that loves feeling awful really likes this suggestion. I'm not sure where it would go from there though.

Part of me really, really wants to see El have a descent into honest to god evil at this point. I'm pretty sure the story isn't going that way, El's done such a great job of walking towards the light and resisting even the smallest step in the other direction. And I suspect thematically the book is supposed to be "fuck what people expect you to be, YOU get to decide that" which wouldn't really work if El goes evil after all.

Anyways: advantages: high angst, would explain mum's warning; disadvantages, do we actually want that much angst? also, where would the title fit in?

(I was going to bed when the title of the second book, which had seemed pretty straightforward throughout the whole thing (El is last graduate because she's going out last to save everyone and is also destroying the school, so no more graduates after her) really hit. El's the last graduate because she graduated and Orion didn't.) (Well. If option 1 plays out anyways.)

There are a couple questions that are very important here, namely, what the fuck is Orion thinking? And, what was El's mum thinking?

It's possible that Orion was thinking that he had to fight the mawmouth from hell to keep it from getting out, even though El didn't think that. Or that he thought there was some risk to El's plan and he wanted to make sure the mawmouth from hell didn't get out. We don't actually know what his perspective was here. I think it's somewhat more likely that Orion knew he could get out safely and chose to have his epic boss battle instead. It's more than adequately foreshadowed. We know Orion loves fighting mals, believes he's invincible, and has never once expressed the slightest interest in backing down from a challenge (and has generally been resistant to El trying to get him to back down.) El tends to see that as a martyr complex thing, but in the graduation hall she realizes it's not, he really does like fighting mals just that much. She also concluded he could learn to like other things as well, but she did figure out that yeah, he really does enjoy this stuff, a lot. Orion walking away from the biggest boss fight ever would be like an Olymplic athlete who's been training to be a swimmer or whatever from toddlerhood just...walking away right before the finals. Your life wouldn't make sense after that. Orion is not primarily motivated by protecting people (if he was, he'd be happy at the lack of mals in the first part of the year) he's directly motivated by the fights themselves. So it does not matter that he doesn't need to fight the mawmouth to protect anyone. Fighting the mawmouth is its own reward. (One worth presumably dying over.)

El's mum: I do not know, this really hasn't been answered yet. I'm inclined to trust El that the warning wouldn't be about pain alone, El's mum seems the type to encourage her child to make her own decisions unless there was an overwhelmingly important reason not to. Telling her child to not fall in love to avoid heartbreak is the exact opposite of what someone like El's mum would do. She's probably told a zillion grieving people that grief is love that has nowhere else to go (or whatever), that it's a healthy thing and part of being alive. There is no way she'd want El to be alone her senior year rather than close to Orion just because Orion wasn't going to make it, she's not that kind of person.

Whatever is going to happen, it's going to be worse than Orion dying/getting lost in the void or Orion being unable to forgive El for pulling him away from his big boss fight.

Or, it's not going to be about El and Orion's relationship at all. It might be that while the Scholomance thought what they were doing was right, that there will be Unintended Consequences to the world of them destroying the Scholomance and a metric shit ton of mals in the process.

And I just realized a fourth option. That in getting Orion out, El manages to also undo their hard work and let all the mals pour back out too.

But that doesn't make sense either. El's mum doesn't do the lesser evil. She wouldn't let Orion die to save other people's lives, and she wouldn't want El to do that either. So while I could see that happening as a plot point, I don't see that explaining El's mum's message. Dammit.

I think the message only makes sense if El's connection to Orion results in her doing something evil/going down the maleficer path, at least a little bit, or at least El's mother thinks she is likely to. Or maybe if there's some evil that isn't caused by a lesser good. But not if there's a greater evil caused by saving one person.

I don't know.

Or maybe El has fundamentally misunderstood her mother. That is definitely possible. The parent a child sees is not the whole adult, and realizing your parent isn't as perfect as you thought is a very common coming of age experience.

[diinferi]

REIBAI 4

YOU TRY TO GO BACK TO NORMAL. You go to school and avoid your parents, but everything’s so boring after surviving the Dark Tournament that you make a habit of tracking down Hiei and getting into fights. The boredom doesn’t last long and soon you’re embroiled in the mystery of the tunnel being dug into the Makai.

YOUR POWERS ARE GETTING STRONGER. You knew that already. It’s why you trained them in the first place, but the longer it takes to find the ones responsible the stronger your powers get. There’s only a week until the barrier between Makai and Ningenkai is breached and you finally have a lead. Yūsuke’s predecessor as a Spirit Detective is behind this and you won’t let him win.

YOU’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Everyone has barely started hunting when Sensui attacks and you find out there’s two days left before the breach. Fighting Sensui is overwhelming and you can barely keep up. You’re lead to the cave where the beach is being orchestrated. Gamemaster is defeated and soon after so is the Elder Toguro Brother. The only ones left are Sensui and Itsuki.

YOU’RE ANGRY. Itsuki traps everyone in a separate dimension but Yūsuke, leaving him to fight Sensui and his other personalities alone. You can’t escape until Kawabara gains a new ability to cut through dimensions.

YOU’RE TOO LATE. Yūsuke is dead and Sensui has escaped to Makai. You follow him along with the others. Yūsuke deserves revenge and the four of you engage Sensui in battle. Then, you feel an unexpected presence. Changed but there. Yūsuke lives.

YOU WATCH. Yūsuke fights, faring better now that he’s awakened his Yōkai blood. The fight is a little more even when suddenly Yūsuke changes. He wins, but it’s a bitter pill to swallow when he wasn’t in control of himself. They’ve won, but the breach doesn’t close.

YOU THINK IT’S OVER. It’s not. The Three Kings of Makai are on the move. Raizen, Yūsuke’s ancestor, is dying and wants Yūsuke to be his successor. Mukuro invites Hiei and Yomi blackmails Kurama. You and Kuwabara are left in Ningenkai. You train with Genkai, moving in with her after your parents decide to move with your brother further south. When Kurama comes looking for allies you accept. It’s during a training session that you awaken something you never expected. Seikōki. Not even Genaki has it, only Sensui did. You suspect it’s because of your status as a Jumper. Not long after, Raizen dies and Makai is on the brink of war. Yūsuke has a plan. A tournament.

YOU JOIN. You have no interest in ruling, but you’ll be damned if you let your friends fight without you. You lose to Yūsuke and you just laugh. He’s come a long way from barely defeating those first few Yōkai to going toe-to-toe with S-Class Yōkai. After the tournament is over, you continue working for Reikai part-time until you graduate from high school and transition to full-time. You stay with them through the barrier coming down and a regime change. The years pass and everything is good until you start coughing up blood. It’s an illness that no one can cure, the same as what happened to Sensui. Your body can’t handle the strain of the Seikōki and it’s breaking down. Eventually, you’re bedridden as your friends work to find a cure that doesn’t exist. Kurama comes to you, a cup of steaming tea in hand and a resolved look in his eye. You can barely hold the cup, but you drink the whole thing. With one last smile, you let the drugged-laced tea put you to sleep and you don’t wake up again.

[sadsexybaby]

trigger warning for depression, self harm and suicide subjects!!! I need a safe place to rant, no one has to read this if you don't feel like it

well I've been struggling with major depression my whole life basically. I've been diagnosed since I was 15 and have been medicated since. I have a hard time settling for a therapist, I can never stay more than 2 sessions with one and it's a struggle. Plus, 1 hour a week is not enough for me to let everything out and then go home with my head full of the worst thoughts I have and not being able to talk them out anymore. It's a struggle. I like comfort zones, I need them to keep me from overthinking so much but it's been years since I was settled in any type of comfort zone. I had uncertainties about my future when I was in school, during my first University (which i dropped out from after a year) and during my second one, especially after graduating. I know the direction my life is going right now, I know where it leads, but I can't help but feeling like I'm constantly on a tight rope, constantly waiting for something to go wrong, to push me down. I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of life. I have so many emotions, feelings and needs that I've always had to repress because I know I am too much, I've always been. But it gets exhausting. Sometimes I feel like i'm not made for this world. I can't be too sensitive without pushing people away and hurting myself in the process, physically and emotionally. And this has been my whole life. I do not fit in, I'm too overwhelmed by the world and it's lack of compassion and I'm tired. I've been surviving. I don't know how. I must have a pretty damn good guardian angel or spiritual mentor of some sort. I wish I knew what being sane and healthy felt like for once.

Being born mentally ill with a powerful depressive genetic charge is a fucking challenge. I honestly don't know how I didn't take my own life as a child, because I contemplated it many times. I wrote a suicide letter at 9. Apologizing to my parents for being so weak. For not being able to handle this cruel world. But I had too much empathy, and as much as I'm in constant disbelief that I deserve to be loved, it would be unfair to disregard my parents' love for me. As cold as my dad was. They are the reason I'm here today and I worry that I won't survive in this world anymore once they're gone. I haven't been able to find emotional support in anyone like I have with them, and it scares me. I'm not good on my own. I can't be alone, I have tried. I can't survive. I feel guilty every single day for leaving them behind, even though I did it for my own happiness. I love what I have now, I'm finally being able to be independent and have a relationship with a person I love, but I am terrified for my life. And I miss my mom and dad. I have lost so much for being so mentally unstable and as much as it hurts I don't wanna lose this. I can't. Even thought I don't have a nest to comfort my heart on where I am, I have so much of what I always dreamed to have. All I ever wanted was to be loved as much as I love. To want a future, a home, a family of my own. And I'm building that right now. But my sick mind keeps getting in the way and I am frightened that it may cost me my dream. I've never felt so accepted by a group of people like I am being right now. Ever. It took me leaving the country for this to happen. It's nice not to be bullied and excluded for once.

I have been handling my anxiety better than I ever have before. I haven't had many panic attacks or anxiety crisis'. 100% of them were caused by my fears of losing the love I have now. I guess big choices and big changes are like that: you win big and you lose big. But only one loss would actually completely devastate me in irreparable ways, if you know what I mean. I'm still learning how to exist in many social situations, romantic relationship included. I have been overprotected my whole life by my mother, knowing how sensitive I am, and consequently I ended up being overprotective of myself, scared of everything, unaware of myself. Shyness is a fucking curse. That's why from intense embarrassment, I became my biggest punisher. Mentally and physically. I resorted to self harming as a way to, not only attempt to transfer my emotional pain to a more tolerable sole, but to give me the punishment I deserved for being so damn impulsive and ruining everything. It's the way it worked. But I'm a terrible liar, and soon the people around me found out. No one quite knew what to do and honestly, neither did I. I broke the promise that I wouldn't do it again so many times, for years. Not giving in to the intrusive thoughts of jumping on the train railroad, jumping off the window, jumping from a moving car at fast speed, throwing myself down the stairs, throwing myself at the river from the bridge, etc, was and still is one of my biggest struggles. I only wish I was brave enough to hurt myself that way. That would turn what my mind feels into something physical and maybe for once I would suffer from actual pain, and not just my sick mind beating me up every single fucking day.

However, as hard as it is, i've been succeeding. I didn't think I would make it this far without at least slitting my skin, but I have. I contemplated it uncountable times, but I didn't go through with it. I don't really know where the small amount of strength I have comes from, but I have a strong guess that it's from love. That's why I can't allow myself to not be this sensitive. If i don't allow myself to be loved and to love, it's the end, for real. I know it's been a recurring cliche for ages that the power of love will save you and blablabla, but it's been there for a reason. It's the fucking truth at the end of the day. Without love, we're doomed, and I mean it. Doomed. I wouldn't have lived as much as I did so far if I hadn't been loved. Even if it was just my parents. It was strong enough to keep me there. When I couldn't stay here for myself, I stayed for them. When I contemplate leaving this world, I think of my partner and how unfair it would be to leave them so soon. I think of my long distance friends who look forward to seeing me again. When I don't love myself enough to be alive, I let the love I allow myself to receive to keep me here. If I don't have love in my life, I don't want a life at all.

[chrisbitchtree]

The One With The Screeching Mother

Harringrove Week - Day 6

Prompt - Hawkins Community Pool shuts down for the day

1.6k

***

It had been a long, hard road for Billy to get to the place he now was, mentally and physically. Months of physical therapy to regain his strength, and appointments with a government appointed therapist to sort through his feelings of guilt and self-loathing in the aftermath of Starcourt. The other boy liked to say it was all thanks to Steve driving him to appointments and being a shoulder for Billy to cry on when it all got to be too much, but Steve knew Billy only had himself to thank.

He'd shown more strength, resilience, and drive to be better and do better than Steve knew a person could possess. It was that boy that Steve had fallen in love with, first when visiting Billy in his hospital room, then while driving him to and from appointments, first as a favour to Max when Susan was working, and then because Steve realized he just really liked being around the blonde.

Billy had just graduated high school at the top of his class and had secured the role of lead lifeguard at the Hawkins Community Pool for the summer. Steve had been worried that being back there would bring up bad memories, but in true Billy fashion, he’d fought through, conquering demons and thriving in the role.

Another concern that Steve had had was that Billy would feel awkward about showing off his scars, but he went shirtless with pride, finally seeing the marks as a sign that he’d survived, not as a reminder of pain and sadness.

He’d also been working on his relationship with the party. El and Max already loved him, and Will had quietly accepted him as one of the gang, plus Lucas was easy to sway because he was terrified of Max’s ire. Mike and Dustin had taken longer to win over, Mike being Mike, and Dustin being scared that he was losing Steve to Billy. Eventually though, when they realized that Steve loved Billy, which meant that Billy wasn’t going anywhere, they sucked it up and made their peace with him.

That was why he was allowing Billy to host a pool party at his house that afternoon, despite the fact that his mother was going to kill him for it, because she’d specifically told him he wasn’t allowed to have anyone over, less they undo the cleaning service she’d hired to clean the house for the party she was having that night had done.

***

It had started when Billy had called from the pool to tell him that there was something wrong with the chemicals, so they’d had to close down the pool for the rest of the day. Steve, who was in the middle of pulling on his bathing suit so he could head to the pool, dropped the article of clothing in disappointment. “Oh, that really sucks, baby, do you want me to meet you and the kids, and we can take them for ice cream? I can call Robin and see if she wants to meet us.”

“Well,” Billy replied. “I was wondering if we could maybe come to your place? I know your mom said no one was allowed over, but I promise that we won’t make a mess out there, and if we do, I’ll clean it up.”

“No way,” Steve said, thinking of his mother shouting at him as he wiped up muddy footprints on his hands and knees. “Not a chance. I don’t trust those kids for a second.”

“Please, pretty boy. It would win me so many points with Dustin and Mike. And it’s so hot out. Please don’t leave us to melt. I’m dripping in sweat already.”

Damn it. Now all Steve could think about was Billy, shirtless, dripping with sweat. “Fine,” he said, sighing. “But my parents are going to get here at 5:30. You and the kids need to be out of here by 5. No later. And no one steps foot inside the house. I’ll call Robin.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, princess,” Billy said. “I promise I’ll make it up to you later.”

“You’d better,” Steve said, laughing, even though he knew there was no way this wasn’t going to go wrong.

The first sign of the terror to come was when Robin arrived with hot dogs and a carton of ice cream.

“Where do you think you’re going with those?” He asked her, blocking her entry into the house.

“To put the ice cream in the freezer? It’s 100° out, Steve. They’ll melt out here.”

“Fine,” Steve said, grabbing the carton. “But I’ll put it in the freezer. You stay out here.”

She huffed but stayed outside as instructed.

Just as Steve was about to put the ice cream in the freezer, the phone rang. He set the carton on the counter and grabbed the phone off the receiver. “Hello?”

“Hi Steve,” Claudia Henderson greeted him. “Dusty said he’s headed to your place for a pool party. Can he bring anything?”

“No, I think we have everything covered. Thank you though, Mrs. Henderson.”

“Alright, Steve. I hope you all have fun! It’s so nice of you to do this for the kids!”

“Right,” he said. So nice of him. “Any time, Mrs. Henderson. You have a good day.”

“Bye, Steve!” he heard as he put the phone back on the hook.

He fully intended to go back to the ice cream, but then the doorbell rang. He answered it, and Mike pushed his way into the house, followed by Will and El, as Nancy and Jonathan waved from her car. “Nope, get back outside, Wheeler,” Steve said, blocking him. “Go around the side of the house.”

After that, the ice cream completely slipped his mind as he made his way back out to Mike and Robin.

Soon after, Billy arrived with Dustin, Lucas, and Max. “Hey, princess,” Billy said, kissing Steve. “Thank you again for this. I promise we’ll all be gone by 5.”

The sat side by side on lounge chairs as the kids jumped into the pool. Steve looked over at Billy, who was grinning as he watched the fun the kids were having, and he couldn’t help smiling himself as he took Billy’s hand in his own.

All was well until Dustin got out of the pool. “Hey Steve,” he called, from the other side of the pool. “Can I get a towel?”

“Can you not just dry off in the sun?” Steve asked him.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Then my curls will get all frizzy. I need a towel.”

Steve wasn’t really in the mood to fight him, so he stood to go grab a towel for the boy.

“Um, can I get a towel too?” Will asked. “I forgot mine in Nancy’s car.”

This was followed by a chorus of the other kids asking for a towel.

As he walked back outside with the towels, he noticed the carton of ice cream, melting and dripping all over the counter. As he was grabbing paper towels to clean it up, he slipped and fell in the mess, smearing it all over himself and the kitchen.

That was how Billy found him, when he came to check on him after he didn’t return outside. To the other boy’s credit, he managed to hold in his laughter as he helped Steve up. He then carried out the towels and distributed them as Steve cleaned up.

Halfway through cleaning, Steve heard a bee buzzing. He looked at the bee, then at the screen door that Billy had left open. Caught up in trying to catch the bee, he forgot about the ice cream. He finally managed to capture the bee, and after releasing it to the yard, he returned to the party.

The second he sat, Robin asked him if he could retrieve the hot dogs and the buns so they could cook them. “And a plate to put them on? And tongs? I’m sorry. I would do it myself, but you said we can’t go inside.”

Steve sighed, heading inside to do her bidding, because she wasn’t wrong. He had said that. Supplies collected, he headed back out.

When the hot dogs were done, the kids gathered, grabbing them. “No mustard or ketchup?” Mike asked. “No chips?” piped up Lucas.

Billy glared at them. “You little shits can eat them plain. And you don’t need chips. Steve’s done enough.”

Now Steve felt bad that Billy had to be the bad guy. “No, it’s ok. I’ll go grab stuff.”

Once he returned, the kids slathered their hot dogs in condiments. It took about three seconds for El to drop a ketchup covered hot dog in the pool. Steve didn’t even have it in him to be angry anymore. He just grabbed the pool skimmer and fished out what he could, hoping the filter would take care of the soggy clumps of bun he couldn’t manage to grab.

He did manage to be angry when he turned and found the patio door open again, wet footprints trailing in through the door, and no sign of Mike.

Steve ran inside and grabbed a clean towel, and of course that’s how his parents, home an hour early found him. Mopping up wet footprints on the carpet and hardwood floors, sticky ice cream still on the kitchen floor, a pile of dirty towels on the pool deck, and ketchup smeared on the pool skimmer, plus eight teens who weren’t supposed to be there. “Steven Harrington!” she shouted, venom in her voice. “What the hell is going on here?”

The ensuing verbal beatdown was worth it to see Billy be the hero, saving everyone from roasting in the sun.

[heliads]

Finality

Based on this entry for my beloved @mystic-writings' 1k celebration, congrats again hailey!!

sirius black from harry potter with the prompts "one last time?" and "you make me feel alive"

masterlist

“Think they’ll remember us when we’re gone?”

There’s a voice to your side, one sound reminding you that you’re not alone in this world. It’s hard to believe otherwise, the night is so dark that you can scarcely see your own hand in front of your face, but the voice is a strong enough anchor to drag you out of even the deepest of seas. There are few people who have such a powerful hold on you, but then again, it shouldn’t really come as a surprise that Sirius Black is one of them.

He’s grinning at you now, you can see him cloaked in the few beams of moonlight daring to stray across your path at such an hour. Perhaps the crescent of white up ahead of you is ashamed of all the trouble you’d cause if she dared give you even a little more light, but just like you, she’s still unable to leave Sirius alone. Even in the dark, all finds him somehow, even the most reluctant of moonbeams.

That’s how it is to be around Sirius Black, after all, like being dragged into a whirlpool labeled with his name in messy scrawl. You don’t remember if you’d originally set out to be Sirius’ friend when you first arrived at Hogwarts, but staying away from him is a losing game, it always has been.

There is nobody at your school that could possibly leave Sirius be, nobody that matters. Even if they try to fight it, they’ll still end up around him, perhaps as an enemy or just a jealous watcher. Sirius is like nothing you’ve ever seen before, nor will you ever see again. Some part of you wonders how you’ll survive once you graduate, if leaving him behind will kill you once and for all. You’re almost certain that it will, which is why nights like tonight matter so much.

After all, graduation looms just around the corner, scarcely a few months away. It should scare you, you think, that after all these years kept safely in school you’ll have to brave the wild world outside the castle gates. In part, it does, but it also just seems like yet another game to play. That’s how this whole scene works, after all, it’s a damned game. That’s what Sirius taught you, but you taught him how to win.

Looking back on it, you’d certainly say that you’ve won. There’s hardly a person around here that doesn’t know your name, whether that’s for academic exploits or friendly hijinks. You’ve been a Marauder since the second you heard the title, and you can’t imagine a life without it, or without Sirius.

You can comfortably say that the Marauders would stay at their full power even if it was just you and Sirius fucking up the school by yourselves. In fact, you might even be worse than you are now. When you’re with Sirius, the brakes are nowhere in sight. The two of you go and go until the whole world lights up with flames, and even then, you just delight in the bright lights until your senses burn away.

That’s why the two of you are here now, after all, having snuck out of your dorms without even having to alert the other that the rendezvous would happen. You know Sirius like the back of your hand, and all it took was one look out your window at such a wonderful night to know instinctively that he would be out. You met him descending the staircase at the exact same time as you. His face had lit up in a moon-bright grin, and all thoughts of possible punishment for being out of bed after curfew had fled, if they’d ever been there at all.

It’ll drag you down eventually, you think, the rest of the world’s rules. You’ve been playing the game as you pleased for far too long, Sirius always by your side. He is a dizzying rush, your favorite boy, but all the best things come to an end eventually.

Sirius can feel it too, that’s why he’s asking you such a question. You turn over to look at him, and notice a furrow in his brow for the first time in quite a while. Usually, whenever he’s with you, Sirius can’t spare a second for his troubles. It seems as if tonight is the exception.

“Of course they’ll remember us, Sirius, we’ve made it quite hard to do anything else. If worst comes to worst, they’ll still see the cracks in the third floor tower and wonder who could have done such a thing, even without names to go with it.”

Sirius chuckles on instinct, remembering that day from long ago. The goal has always been to have pranks that aren’t quite so destructive, but that one had been an exception. No one had been hurt, but the third floor tower now looks like a grandmother with far too many wrinkles.

His face settles eventually, though, and you realize that he’s being honest. “It matters though, doesn’t it, to have our legacies stick around? I can’t imagine that we’ve spent all these years here just to disappear into history without a second thought.”

The two of you have been lying on the roof for quite some time, having snuck out of your dorms together. Sirius sits up now, dark hair settling back around his jawline. The moonlight doesn’t stick to him quite as well, but the shadows stay.

You sigh contemplatively and sit up as well. “It’s hard to judge that sort of thing. We’ll tell the stories if we have to, won’t we? Besides, Sirius, you’re not exactly the kind of person that people forget.”

It’s a little more true than you’d meant to say at such a late hour, but even in the dark Sirius still looks at you as if you’re all he’s ever needed, and it’s hard to keep your tone light in the face of such admiration. He seems pleased by it, anyway, if that’s any indication that you’re not messing up.

He cocks his head to the side, and you swear you can see his usual confidence collecting around him once more, covering up the seams and gaps that he’s always so careful to hide.

“What’s that mean, Y/N? You think I’m famous?” He asks.

You laugh, and Sirius lets his eyes flicker shut to best hear the sound ring around him. “Oh, that was never a question. I just mean that you’re good at all of this, you know. You’ve got your part and you play it. I don’t know how you manage to stay so delighted with life every day. ‘Course, I know you’re faking it half the time, but no one else does. How do you do it?”

Sirius climbs carefully over to you until you’re side by side again. The tower roof is cold this time of night, the lack of moonlight drenching you in chill, and you can’t help but lean closer to him for any kind of heat. Sirius notices, he always seems to pick up on your every movement. He takes the school robe off of his back without a second thought, draping it between the two of you.

His eyes still remain on you, and up close you’re able to see how quiet his entire face seems. It’s a treat to witness Sirius like this, when he’s not playacting as a constant entertainer. There is another boy deep within the facade, the kind of soul who’s sharper than a blade but never cuts you, who would spend the rest of his days with his friends if he wasn’t so worried that they’d tire of him. Appearance are everything to Sirius, he learned that from a young age, but all that’s taught you is how valuable it is to see him with all walls down.

“You,” he says simply, and you frown, confused.

“What do you mean?” You ask.

Sirius almost smiles, the corners of his lips fighting the urge to tug themselves up. “The reason I’m able to stay so vivacious all the time, it’s you. You make me feel alive, sweetheart. I thought that was obvious.”

You’re grateful for the dark, as it will hopefully cover up the heat currently rushing to your cheeks. The problem with forever being Sirius Black’s partner in crime is that it makes it awfully hard to stay impartial to his charms, especially when he does things like insist on trying out all of his pickup lines on you. You’ve been loving him for quite some time, even in the midst of exams and stress and pranks, but you’ve never dreamed that he could feel the same way.

After all, how could he? Half of Sirius’ allure is that he seems to be made of pure glass, all dazzling edges with absolutely nothing behind it. There’s a reason he was able to introduce you to the game of life, after all, he’s been playing it since the day he was born. Sirius has always been a contestant, the perfect actor. He is a perfect storm sweeping your sunny skies into ruin, but it’s always been a hair too perfect.

You’ve constantly been doubting yourself, reading too much into every line and hoping against hope that the smiles he shoots your way are anything other than practice. With each day’s heartbreak, however, you’ve learned to keep your skin thick. That means you’re afraid to take his words at face value, so you continue the act a little longer, just as you always do.

“I make you feel alive? That’s a dashing compliment, Sirius, but I’m looking for actual answers. Caffeine keeps James alive, for example, and sneaking out after hours works for me. What’s your secret?” You keep your tone neutral, allowing not a shred of hope be seen. It wouldn’t work for Sirius’ grand play, would it?

This rooftop must be messing with his head just as much as yours, though. When it’s the two of you, you’re never sure if he’s being real or just continuing the stage a little longer, but you swear that Sirius’ gaze is more true than you’ve ever seen.

“I’m being honest, Y/N.” Sirius rakes a hand through his hair, dislodging the raven strands yet again. His eyes are just as dark, but tonight they keep enough of the moonlight tucked away inside that you can see everything he’s begging you to understand.

You shiver slightly, and he pulls you closer to him. “Alright, then. I make you feel alive. Is it just my wonderful sense of humor? My incorrigible charm?”

Sirius grins in spite of himself. “I’d go for the fact that you’re the only one who really matters to me. No one else looks at the darkest night of the year and immediately thinks of me, you know. Not even James knows half as many of my habits as you.”

You can’t help feeling like you’ve passed some sort of test, or been able to achieve yet another rank in Sirius’ grand game. “You’re easy enough to know, Sirius. When you’re not doing your best to hide yourself away, that is.”

Arrested by some sort of impulse, Sirius stands, tugging you up with him. The wind has whipped against his cheeks, you notice, leaving them tinged with pink. Your fingers twitch at your sides, wanting nothing more than to brush your knuckles against his face and find out for certain whether it’s just as warm as yours seems to be.

His grin is just as electric as always. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. No one looks as hard as you do. No one ever has.”

Your breath catches in your throat. He’s trying to tell you something, you’re certain of it. It’s just that Sirius is how he has always been, never one to commit fully to a sentiment unless he’s certain that it will land just as he wishes it. That’s why he’s dragged you up here, isn’t it? So the two of you could be alone just before graduation and he could see if his hopes were just as real as yours.

“Your question earlier. You don’t care about the rest of the world, do you?” You breathe.

Sirius nods. Another successful turn, although the end of the game is getting closer, you can sense it. At any moment, he’ll play his ace. “Only you, love. Only you.”

You reach out and take his hand. It fits within yours perfectly, as if it were made only for you to hold it. After all these years, it feels like a conclusion written ages ago, the end to both of your stories, the one you’ve been waiting on for all eternity.

“It’s the same way for me, you know,” you manage, “I won’t ever forget you, Sirius Black. Just don’t give me a reason I could. Don’t you dare leave me lonely after we leave this school for good.”

Sirius’ eyes sparkle with hope. “Only if you’ll let me. They warned me about this, you know. I wasn’t supposed to tell you how I felt until after we graduated. No one dared mess up the Marauders, even with something as crushing as the fact that I loved you.”

You laugh at last, feeling your heart skip several beats. There’s the confession, there’s the twist you’ve been promised for so long. “The friend group will be fine, Sirius. I’m not letting anything come between the two of us.”

Sirius smiles too, although judging by the assuredness in which he swoops forward and presses a kiss to your forehead, he’s been wanting to do a lot more for a lot longer.

“We have all the time in the world, don’t we? Even after we leave.” He says.

You lean into him, then turn your head slightly so you can look out at the hills and dales of the landscape unrolling before you. The first strands of dawn are beginning to thread through the sky, weaving a new picture of bright colors and best promises. 

“That we do. We still have just enough time here for something special, though. So what do you say, Sirius? Shall we rock their worlds one last time?”

Sirius considers the sprawling grounds of the school beneath your feet, then twirls you lazily with your connected hands before kissing you once more. “I believe we shall. One more run, my love, and then we have the rest of time.”

Standing so close to Sirius with the weight of all your confessions keeping you warm, you don’t feel the chill of the night anymore, nor the ever pressing darkness. For once, you’re calm. The future has nothing to do but welcome you in. You can’t wait to see what happens now that you know that Sirius will stay by your side.

harry potter taglist: @rogueanschel, @cameronsails, @neewtmas, @lovesanimals0000, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie

[softtdaisy]

IT'S NOT SUMMER WITHOUT YOU

DESCRIPTION I you didn’t say goodbye to eddie before leaving all summer, no matter how much you loved each other. or is it because of that you couldn’t find the courage to do it?

PAIRING I eddie munson × fem!reader

WORD COUNT I 2.1k

A/N I now I don’t want to talk about the last episodes, I'm in full denial. here’s some lovely stories with eddie instead (a story totally inspired by friends when rachel can’t say goodbye to ross)

“I need to know everything about your summer, ok? What did you do? What did you wear? Oh my god did you wear the cute little dress we both together and…”

“Ok, calm down Robin, I have all life to tell you about this.” You hugged your best-friend who immediately started to talk again when she realized you weren’t mad. Damn, you missed her so much these past months.

After you had graduated from high school, you got the perfect internship for your further studies. However, it was set in New York, far far away from Hawkins. You left for three good months and as much as you loved this experience, you missed your friends way too much. How were you supposed to survive away from Robin, the sunshine of your life? From Steve, your living private diary?

Or from Eddie, the guy you loved so much you almost didn’t leave?

You didn’t ask for a big party to celebrate your coming back. Having Steve and Robin around was everything you could ask for. So, seeing the kids all around you that night melt your heart immediately. You never thought they would miss you but apparently you were the kind of big sister they all needed in their life. “Don’t ever leave like that, ok?” Dustin made you promised. You never felt more love.

But right now, sitting on the grass with your glass of cocktail Robin imagined just for your comeback, you felt lonelier than ever. All those laughs, all those smiles meant nothing compared to Eddie’s. You kept looking at the door, excepting him to arrive. He would find an excuse that you would immediately accept. All you wanted was to see him again. You could kill for a hug from him, his hair falling on your shoulder, his perfume invading all your senses and his voice in your ears saying something stupid because love marks made him uncomfortable. But he was still doing them for you.

You were not technically dating before you left. It was…more complicated than that. You just loved each other too much you needed time to see where this could go. Until it was broken with your departure.

You still had a hard time explaining how you even met. He was Dustin’s friend, who was Steve’s friend, who was Robin’s best friend who was your own best-friend. Rather difficult and long, so you just used to say you had friends in common.

You remembered the first time you met him, when you were supposed to spend the night with Robin who in the end brought you to Dustin’s place. You expected to spend a movie night with the kids and Steve, something you already did in the past. Not being introduced to the Hellfire Club.

“I’m not playing.” You tried to explain that you were terrible at this game. Even Robin could testify that you would lose at almost everything you were playing. And if you were winning, it was only out of luck. But Eddie didn’t want to hear that. The way he walked right in front of you, only a few centimeters separating your two bodies made you lose your breath immediately.

“There is no bad player, only debutant that can learn.” He had such a charming voice that you would say yes without hesitation if you didn’t think he was wrong. There was no way you would understand that game. But the way he offered his hand to you was a rather good argument to change your mind.

“That’s not what you said to the other members!”

“Shut up Henderson.” You laughed at the way he rolled his eyes with a little smile. It was lovely to see this sweet part of him. You liked him a lot already and you only saw him a few minutes. Could you imagine the thing you were ready to do for this man after a few weeks? How you would feel seeing him everyday?

“I appreciate your offer, but I’m going to watch for this time.” Eddie still took your hand and kissed it. You heard a few disgusted noises from the back, but you couldn’t care less. “Next time then, love.” He blinked at you before taking his leader place. You watched the whole game…no. You watched Eddie leading the whole game. He was so charismatic; you couldn’t take your eyes off him. You were dying to ask questions about his look, about his passion or all the things you noticed about him that night.

Yeah, you fell for Eddie Munson pretty easily. So did he.

He used the excuse of teaching you how to play to see you again. Sometimes you were with the rest of gang. It was harder to flirt when Dustin kept coming for Eddie or Steve talking to you to protect you. “I didn’t want you to get your heart broken” he would tell you. “Maybe he won’t break my heart.” You would reply.

But most of the time, it was just the two of us at his uncle’s house. Eddie would indeed teach you how to play. You appreciated how patient he was with you. You would also ask him question of his life and fell more for him every single times. He even taught you how to play the guitar and nothing would ever beat this moment. When Eddie was sitting in your back, his arms around you, his breath against your neck while he was explaining every single things you had to, his fingers playing with yours.

Maybe it was your favorite moment because it was also the first time you tasted his gorgeous and delicious lips. A taste that quickly became your favorite flavor in the world.

The thing is, when you learnt you had to leave, you didn’t find the courage to tell him immediately. When you did, Eddie was the happiest for you and you knew he didn’t lie about his pride of seeing you do what you love.

But you barely saw him before leaving. It was too hard to look at him and know that you wouldn’t be able to see him for many months. How were you supposed to deal with life without your…he wasn’t your boyfriend. You wished he was. You wouldn’t be scared of being away. So you didn’t see him to the point you didn’t even get to say goodbye. If you knew your last date would be your last, you would have kissed him longer. You would have said how much you loved everything about him. Or more exactly, how crazy you were about him.

You guessed that was the reason why Eddie wasn’t there tonight.

“Go.”

You looked up at Robin and Steve, both of them standing still in front of you. “You’re asking me to leave the party made for me?” you frowned.

“You want to see Eddie, we get it. He didn’t want to come but you should go and see him by yourself.” And you did. You went to Eddie’s place right when they told you to. During the ride, you imagined how things would go. What you planned on telling him. How you were going to explain your feelings without telling too much in case he didn’t want something serious.

But Eddie wasn’t there. And you didn’t have the heart to go back to the party anymore. That wasn’t the night you imagined for your first day here.

Neither did you imagined you would see Eddie Munson sitting on your house doorsteps.

You took a moment to appreciate his look, that didn’t change at all through the summer. He still had those long brown hair that you loved playing with or grabbing when you were kissing. He was wearing his jean jacket with his Hellfire club t-shirt underneath. His rings were shinning with the moon and you missed the feeling of the cold silver against your skin. You missed everything about Eddie.

When you walked to him, you excepted him to smile or to hug you. He went to your house right? He wanted to see you, that was what it supposed to mean. But he didn’t. “You didn’t say goodbye.” His voice sounded sad and disappointing. It was like a knife thrown right into your heart.

“Eddie…” you started but he put his hand up. A nice and elegant way to ask you to shut up. Eddie was never scared of being playfully mean to you like he was with the kids. He could tell you to shut up or go to Hell without a hesitation. So, it kind of surprised you that he didn’t. Maybe because usually, he could kiss you to make up for it.

“You left me. You fucking left me there all summer. But that’s fine, I was happy for you. I still am, you deserved it. But damn, a goodbye [y/n] that was all I was asking for!” The closer he was walking to you, the higher his voice was getting. His hands were shaking. You could tell how much he meant to him. “I thought you cared about me! I fucking care about you and I didn’t get a proper goodbye! I didn’t want to say goodbye while being with the others. I thought I was special enough for you to get a real one.”

You were lost of words. You got lost in his beautiful and sad brown eyes for a few seconds. You could feel all the desperation in his voice and how hurt he must have been all summer. Then it hit you. “You think I didn’t care about you?” you were confused. All those dates meant nothing?

“That’s what it seemed like, yeah.” Eddie was trying to stay strong in front of you, acting like none of this mattered anymore. When in reality, he just wanted to grab your face and kissed you like he never did before. He wanted to make up for all those weeks. But a broken heart was in the middle of the field. He couldn’t do that after feeling that bad for three months.

“I can’t believe it…” you sighed, running your hands through your hair…before hitting Eddie with the same hand. “It was too hard Eddie! I can’t even explain how much I missed you all summer. The only person that came to my mind day and night was you. Not Robin, not my family, only you. Not being able to see you every single day was the hardest thing I had to do these pasts months. So, if you think I didn’t come to say goodbye because you mean less than the others you’re absolutely wrong Eddie! It’s because you mean more than everybody. If I had said goodbye, I would never have had left. Because I would have known I wouldn’t survive a whole summer without you.”

You both stayed silent for a good minute, only looking at each other with sad eyes. This was not the way you thought you would reunite with Eddie. Not with tears on your cheek and shaking hands.

When the silence became too much for you, you started walking to your door. Fine, if he didn’t want to accept your explanation it was his fault.But you didn’t get to do many steps before Eddie grabbed your wrist. He wrapped his arms around you and hugged you against his chest so hard you were almost choking. But it didn’t matter. You were back where you wanted to be: in the arms of the man you loved.

“I didn’t survive this summer without you.” He whispered into your ears. You let a joyful tear ran through your cheek before grabbing his face with a hand on his cheek. He looked at you with confusion for a second before getting what you wanted to do.

One day, when you were learning the guitar with him, Eddie told you he wasn’t a fan of romantic stuff. “I don’t even say I love you, ugh.” He pretended to throw up, which made you laugh stupidly. Mostly because you loved the proud smile he was wearing when you were laughing at his jokes. “So how do you prove the person you love that you care about them?” you asked him. You were curious to see if he tried to show it to you in the past and you just didn’t get it.

“I find other ways to say it.”  

And that night, when you kissed Eddie in front of your house, after months of being away from him, you knew he found his way of saying he loved you.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

if carlisle and dumbledore were put in each other's respective stories / dilemmas , how do you think they would react? how would a carlisle cullen have dealt with voldemort/grindelwald? and how dumbledore would have dealt with vampirism, etc? i almost view the two of them as a sort of foil to each other, not yet able to articulate why or how though

I mean, they'd live completely different lives, because they're completely different characters. It's very unlikely they'd end up in the same situations.

But alright.

Carlisle is Dumbledore

Carlisle's born in a working class family that quickly begins to fall apart. His father's sent to prison, his mother dies, his sister has a chronic illness that will never disappear, and it's just him and his brother left with very little chance of a future between them.

Handsome Gellert Grindelwald moves in next store with grand, new, ideas concerning the muggles.

Now, this particular Carlisle won't be Christian, he's a pureblood wizard and we can pretty safely assume that the Dumbledores were no more religious than any other wizarding family is.

It's a little up in the air whether Carlisle would be seduced by Gellert or not. Gellert is learned, foreign, and has all these radical, new, theories that weren't very prevalent at the time (well, anti muggleborn sentiment was, the facism was new). On the other hand though, Carlisle is also a man who once radically changed his own beliefs to something that went against nearly every edict of his previous religion. This is not a guy who takes things for granted and is not afraid to both confront himself and the true nature of the world he lives in.

And he has a deep respect for human life that, had it been any lesser, would have undoubtedly led to him eating humans as a vampire.

So, I'm going to say no, or if he does, it lasts up until Gellert says, "We should totally make the muggles our slaves." The muggles may have irreparably damaged Carlisle's sister, they may be hated by society, but they are free thinking beings who should be enslaved to no one. Carlsile raises his pacifism flag.

As a result, Gellert probably thinks he's a tool. Hot, of course, and intelligent, but a useless tool. Without somebody to bounce ideas off of/confirm his radicalization, Gellert has little to no interest in Carlisle or any of the Dumbledores. Gellert spends his time in Godric's Hollow then goes elsewhere, Ariana lives, at least for now, unclear how long her lifespan was going to be otherwise, Carlisle does not have the Gellert incident, and he and Abeforth remain on good terms.

Carlisle graduates Hogwarts and either is a) bullied into taking Flamel's apprenticeship opportunity by Abeforth who screams "DUDE, GET YOURSELF A FUTURE or b) immediately sets about trying to find a relatively high paying job so he can support the family. In the case of B, I imagine he goes to work for the goblins who seem to hire those straight out of Hogwarts with good enough grades. In the case of A, well, he goes to study alchemy.

Knowing Carlisle, he does a bastardization of both. He studies alchemy under Flamel and then works nights as a bartender in Paris or something to that effect. When he finishes, what career he does then is out in the air.

Given that, as a vampire, he had all the choices in the world open to him in terms of education (and tried many different things) before eventually settling on and sticking with human medicine despite the dangers, I think that's telling. Carlisle probably tries to get a job in something healing related.

However, that strays more into the "What if Carlisle was in the wizarding world" vs. "What if Carlisle was Dumbledore" so we'll say that the idea of teaching appeals to him and he returns to Hogwarts for the Transfiguration position.

This all goes well except then there's a first world war on, the muggle world goes completely insane, and no one understands why Carlisle's so upset.

And now we enter the world where Carlisle starts really making choices in Dumbledore's shoes.

First, Tom Riddle. Carlisle, I imagine, makes 100,000 times of a better impression than Dumbledore on the young Tom. He does not, for one, light his wardrobe on fire and threaten him. Carlisle might think this kid is weird, but he lives in poverty and an orphanage, much of his behavior can be explained from that. I imagine Carlisle becomes determined to take Tom under his wing.

I imagine at first Tom thinks this is excellent, LOOK HOW MUCH HE'S MANIPULATING THIS ADULT! And then he realizes that, no, Carlisle is perfectly aware he's a little shit. He just likes talking to Tom after classes about how to fit in with pureblood society/weird esoteric muggle philosophy.

Trouble is, Carlisle is so damn likeable (see his friends all over the world), that Tom can't help but like him. When the Blitz begins, and Carlisle undoubtedly offers Tom (and any other muggleborn who was not moved to the country) a place to stay, that seals the deal, the wizarding world might suck but Carlisle's a pretty cool guy.

Of course, Tom still thinks the government should be reformed or overthrown, but he and Carlisle actually sit down to talk about things like communism and facism (Carlisle's not a fan though the modern, muggle, form of democracy not practiced in the wizarding world is a weird concept to him).

My point being, it's unlikely this Tom Riddle becomes Voldemort or even really aspires to become him. You want more on that topic, check out these posts.

Grindelwald meanwhile, becomes a bigger and bigger deal, and things start looking... bad. However, it's not immediately obvious that Carlisle's the one who should do something about it. He's not a duelist, he's a professor, and his job is to teach the children. He may have been alright in school, but that was decades ago now. More, unlike Albus, he feels no personal responsibility, he knew Gellert, briefly, yes, but they had no real connection. Gellert spoke about insane things and Carlisle said, "Mm, don't like". Add to that that Carlisle's a pacifist, he's going to insist that someone trained for the position do the job.

Given canon, this means that Grindelwald likely invades and takes over wizarding England and, with a strong enough foothold, enacts his "enslave the muggles" plan. Which very well might result in a nuclear holocaust as Grindelwald was likely not keeping up with muggle technology and the muggle world war.

The muggle world collapses, which in turn causes society collapse, and the world may or may not be a nuclear wasteland that Tom and Carlisle get to wander around.

If Carlisle by some divine intervention has a prophetic dream of "YOU MUST DEFEAT GRINDELWALD OR DOOM DOOM DOOM" then he goes and tries to defeat Grindelwald. Considering Grindelwald has the elder wand, he probably needs Deus ex Phoenix to win, but if it worked for Dumbledore it might work for Carlisle.

Well. No one saw that coming.

Carlisle's an overnight sensation and a national hero, the hero of Western Europe even. He's suddenly being presented medals, honors, seats of power, and Carlisle desperately tries to refuse, feeling very squeamish that he's being given these things because he took it upon himself to murder another human being (yes, even a war lord).

Tom finds this funny and Abeforth is ureservedly proud and tells everybody.

All Carlisle wanted to do was teach children and now he has to reside over trials in the Wizengamot. This is terrible.

As for what happens to the wizarding world from there, well, inertia probably carries it along for a good while. However, antimuggleborn sentiment is still on the rise an even without Voldemort I imagine there's quite a bit of unrest.

I imagine Carlisle, not wanting in any way to be a political figure, is not nearly as outspoken as Dumbledore on anything. He just wants to be headmaster, guys, leave him alone.

Tom may or may not go into politics and do it for him. But he probably ends up teaching too and just laughs as the country collapses.

Harry Potter is an ordinary student who has no prophecy surrounding him. Carlisle did not recruit children to join an illegal resistance movement nor does he have a plethora of spies and moles in the ministry.

Harry Potter canon does not happen.

Dumbledore is Carlisle

Well, Dumbledore undoubtedly also burned witches and very much believed in their existence. An irony there. He may chase the vampire, probably isn't first in the mob, in which case he remains human or dies.

If he does survive being bitten, I imagine it pains him for a while, but I don't see Albus having the same willpower as Carlisle. Or at least, not as much, Albus probably ends up eating people. He at first probably tries to be picky and eats those who harm society in some way (pick your poison for what that means) and then over time becomes less picky.

They're just humans, after all.

Albus probably isn't invited to stay in Volterra, he's not all that interesting. He doesn't become a human doctor, he's just your ordinary vampire. He might hang around libraries as much as he can but that's about as far as that extends.

He probably turns a Gellert equivalent at some point as a mate and they have a grand time together.

Edward is never turned nor the rest of the Cullens and Bella dies in a parking lot.

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 here!

A/N: I already know some of y’all are going to be mad, it’s 2020 and twilight needs some diversity, don’t @ me.

* You’re not really sure how you got here

* “This ones done”

* Edward holds out the blood bag to you, carefully pulling out the needles from you beloved Deer, Hayden.

* “Ah, thank you.” You place it carefully along with the others, before lavishing Hayden with affection

* “You were so good today! You’re going to get extra carrots, yes you are!”

* You’re aware of Edwards gaze on you as he disinfects the injection point.

* “You know it’s illegal to have Deer as pets in Alaska don’t you?” The corner of his mouth is quirked in the smallest smirk you have ever seen, and you roll your eyes

* “Tanya got a permit, the official stance is they’re her deer, I just take care of them for some extra pocket money”

* Not that anyone would venture into the “siren house” to ask questions

* You knew people were probably wary of coming up to the estate, even the mail man looked dead scared when he left Irina’s Lululemon packages in the mailbox

* But you didn’t think the locals legit called the manse “The Siren House”

* Edward told you they used to call it “The Witch House” but then, upon seeing the Denali sisters, changed it to Siren

* Edward doesn’t say anything, just moves to take the filled blood bags up to the house

* Ever the gentleman

* You really thought Edward would show up once, figure out he couldn’t read your mind, and retreat into his own moody silence.

* You figured you would mostly be dealing with Carlisle, who would teach you how to draw blood from your heard of deers, and then you would be on your own.

* But instead it was Edward who volunteered to do it for you, Carlisle was busy with his day job after all.

* He shows up once a week, usually after school, and carefully extracts the blood

* Then he puts them inside the fridge and leaves

* You really don’t get what’s going on, if he hates you so much why even bother coming over in the first place

* You’re about to fall into your usual rhythm of handing him the blood bags, which he then puts in the fridge when he breaks your routine

* “Why-“ your head pops up from the small pile of blood bags and to him. He’s looking away, but then his gaze meets yours. “Why go through all this trouble for a few deer.”

* You grin and hand him a blood bag

* “Another vampire might say the same thing to you, why go through all the trouble for a few humans?”

* He flinches, and you laugh. He’s so unaware of himself it’s actually funny

* “For the record, I do it because they remind me of my (Dog/Cat/Pet).” He quirks an eyebrow at that.

* “Your pet?”

* You nod. You’re number one concern on arrival here had been whether your dog was okay, but sifting through your memories of this life, you realized your dog had passed away in the middle of high school.

* “When I look into their face, all I can think about is my dog” you shrug, it’s the same with bears and other animals too.

* “Also, it’s kinda disgusting to drink that blood straight out of the animal.”

* Draining the blood must have deducted something from the taste, you can’t imagine what that skunky revolting flavor would have been like if you were drinking straight from the animal.

* Edward laughs. It’s the first time he’s laughed around you, pearly white canines in full view, the skin at the corner of his eyes folds

* It’s cute, very boyish. You get what Bella was talking about now

* “You get used to it after a while” he shrugs

* You shake your head, no one should ever have to drink that crap

* “Here, try some of my blood” you say it like you’re offering him some cookies you made. You pick up one of the bags, still warm, and he quirks an eyebrow

* This isn’t the first time you’ve offered, usually he declines and rushes to leave

* One time it looked like he might say yes, but then he noticed Tanya and excused himself.

* He accepts the bag, holding it up with one hand

* “Do you pour it in a mug?”

* And so you and Edward sip your blood-Capri-suns in the kitchen that’s only now started to be used

* You sit in the counter cross legged, while he leans against the adjacent counter. Both of you silently sipping your meals.

* “This is really good” he finally says, his blood bag almost empty.

* “Who’d you have? I’ve been trying to add different veggies to their meal to see if it brings out a different flavour profile.”

* He had Henrietta, who you had been giving more citrus too. Partially for flavour, and partially because she’s your favourite

* “It kind of tastes like...fruit punch” Edward recalls after a prolonged minute.

* He seems so nostalgic, you wonder how long it’s been since he’s had human food

* “I think genetics have something to do with the flavour too, the breed from this region all seem to have a fruity aftertaste”

* “I’m partial to deer since they don’t have a strong game taste aftertaste.”

* “Yes! That part is the worst, it’s like eating a skunk” You scowl and he laughs again.

* You know he doesn’t belong to you, he’s Bella’s, in a few years she’ll be all he thinks or cares about.

* But maybe the two of you can be friends until then.

* All at once the moments broken, Edward stands a bit straighter, the smile on his face gone.

* You turn to look behind you to see Carmen.

* Her head is tilted to the side, a smile tugging on her lips

* “You both look like you’re having fun.”

* After that the conversation is pleasant, but it definitely stutters until Edward eventually leaves.

* “I think he likes you” You’re reading a book by the fire, the gentle heat is nice and it sets the mood.

* “What?”

* Carmen’s grinning

* “The Cullen boy is interested in you.”

* You just shake your head. You doubt it, Edwards only got a one track mind for one person. And it’s not you

* “It would be nice if we could be friends though, I don’t really know many other people my physical age.”

* Carmen stops mid-stitch on her embroidery hoop

* “Is that something you want? Because the Cullen’s have other’s your a-“

* “I don’t need you to set up play dates for me Carmen”

* “Understood”

* Edward comes by regularly, to help you with your animals. You’re both always under the (discrete) supervision of one of your guardians (excluding Tanya of course.)

* And with each visit you learn a little more about him

* You find out that right now he’s masquerading as a senior in high school, he’s considering going to college for veterinary sciences

* “Why veterinary sciences?” You wonder if he’s about to poach your best deer and start his own blood business when he shrugs

* “It’s one of the few degrees I don’t have”

* You’re drinking blood-Capri-suns out on the porch, he’s still in his school clothes, including a very puffy jacket

* “What were you going to do?” Your raise an eyebrow and he elaborates “before you turned, what were you plans for the future.”

* “I was on my graduation trip, I was going to college in the fall”

* You got accepted into your safety school with a generous scholarship.

* Edward doesn’t press any further. But you can tell that he wants too.

* Many nights go by, you experiment with you animals diets, have supervised hang-outs with Edward, you meet Carlisle every so often who basically gives you therapy and helps you control your emotions

* Life is good

* But your growing complacency with the situation is starting to bother you

* You haven’t forgotten about Alec and Jane who are still fighting so hard to survive, or the countless others who would prefer this way of life if they only knew

* You know the minute you start being content is the minute the world wins

* So every night -or really every so often, you’ve lost all perception of time, the nights in Alaska are totally fucked and these heathens don’t even have a damn clock. Your only really sign of time is the mail man dropping off amazon packages- you sit and dream

* You think about giving back to the community, about saving your friends, and about dethroning fucking Aro

* You’re only at the beginning now, there’s still so much work to do, but it’s a start

* You hear a noise and your eyes open

* If you had a beating heart it would stutter when it saw Edward standing beside your bed, your hand moves on it’s own through reflex, clutching your heart

* Under the circumstances you would expect someone else to laugh, but Edward just looks confused

* “Are you...sleeping?”

* “I like to pretend, it’s a nice way to end the day” he raises an eyebrow at that

* “It’s 4 in the afternoon”

* “Well damn Edward, we don’t have any clocks in this house, how am I supposed to know what time it is.”

* He does laugh at that

* “Is it...nice?”

* “Yeah, it’s pretty relaxing, kills some time too.” Noticing the curious look on his face, you ask:

* “Do you want to try?” You pat the space on the bed beside you.

* You’re fully expecting for Edward with his old fashioned virtues to deny your suggestion. So you’re surprised that after several long seconds of silence, and a rather pained look, he adheres to your request and lies next to you on your bed.

* It’s a king size bed, so he’s at least three Great Danes away from you, but the closeness still surprises you.

* “What do I do now?” He says, eyes closed.

* “Daydream, or fantasise I guess, about things that happened in your day, or things you wish happened, places you want to go and memories you wish you could relive”

* “What do you usually dream about?” He asks, eyes open now

* “I think about Jane,” the answer is automatic, and you regret it as soon as the words come out. But Edward’s expression doesn’t change so you continue. “I think about my deers and my family too.” Most of the time you’re just thinking about what animal you want to excitement with next tbh

* “And sometimes I think about you.”

* And how glad you are to have a friend

* Edward doesn’t say anything for a long time, and for a second you hope he hasn’t misunderstood your words, you know he’ll never feel that way about you. All of those romantic feelings are saved for Bella

* “Would you like to come to my house sometime?” The questions throws you off, and your expression illicit’s a laugh from him. “Emmett and Esme are dying to meet the newborn from the Denali coven”

* That’s probably true for Esme, you’re pretty sure Emmett just wants to have some physical match with the “Volturi-reject”

* “That sounds fun, sure.”

* Maybe they have a clock in their house you can steal

* Edward shows up the next day in his shiny white Volvo to pick you up.

* On either side of you on the front porch are Carmen and Kate with their most fierce expressions (and behind them is Eleazer who just looks like he’s along for the ride)

* “Where are you going?” Kate asks

* “Our home on the other side of the mountain, you’ve been there before” Edwards got a small smile curling in his lips, and an eyebrow raised.

* “What will you do?” Carmen asks

* “My family’s having a board game night, I think we’re playing monopoly”

* “What time will you bring them home?” Kate intervenes, man they’re not even pretending to be polite

* “Well it’s not a school night-“ Seeing his joke isn’t going to land, he rethinks his words midway

* “Whenever they tell me to.”

* You’re half expecting to get a curfew, even though this household seems to operate without the concept of time, when Eleazer interjects

* “Well be safe, and have a good time.” He slides a backpack up your shoulders. “I packed you some blood bags in case you get hungry, Henrietta’s since I know that’s your favourite.”

* He’s the only one waving as you get into Edward’s car

* The view as you drive is breath taking, the snow covered mountains, abs crisp green trees

* Edward laughs beside you, at your awestruck expression no doubt

* “You don’t get out much do you?”

* You have your nose practically pressed to the glass

* “Not at all.”

* The Cullen’s home is reminiscent of the one from the movies. All light, with glass everywhere. It’s like a aurora, all wavy with no true shape

* “Welcome to our home (Y/N)” Carlisle greats you first, and behind him is... Esme

* She’s not at all like the books or the movie

* She’s definitely not white, you can’t tell exactly what race, but she’s definitely a POC.

* Her caramel cheekbones seem even more prominent when she offers you a smile.

* “It’s so nice to finally meet you, I’m Esme.”

* For some reason her being a POC, makes you feel more comfortable around her.

* Maybe you will ask her to draw up those plans for a proper barn.

* Edward stifles a laugh behind you, and you raise an eyebrow.

* “Emmett is dying to meet you upstairs.”

* You follow Edward up the stairs, finally meeting the family that spawned four books and a movie franchise.

* None of them look like they’re actor counterparts

* For one Emmett is black. And also really handsome, he’s got this Chadwick Boseman look alike thing going on and you’re down for it (RIP)

* Rosalie looks basically the way she was described in the books, all blonde hair and angel faced, but she’s the only one

* Alice is definitely Asian, she kinda looks like Lana Condor

* Jasper.... is ambiguously brown, but it still makes you let out a sigh of relief when you remember he was a Major in the CONFEDERATE army.

* More to the story than someone who was blatantly racist and supported slavery.

* They’re all beautiful, and they terrify you. You’re not exactly sure why, but something primal in you tells you to run away as fast as you can.

* But Edward lightly brushed the small of your back, pushing you forward. Right into the lions den.

* “Hello, I’m Rosalie”

* Looks like they picked her to be their spokesperson, all glittering smiles and flawless cheekbones. She extends her hand, and you lightly grasp it.

* “It’s nice to meet you.”

* It’s surreal to think how you know almost everything about this girl, while you two are virtually strangers

* Jasper introduces himself next, all smiles and quiet gentlemanly behavior.

* You’re not really sure what to expect with Alice, from what you know this girl has seen every future you could possibly have.

* Who knows what she saw

* But when she stands she hugs you

* “It’s good to see you!”

* “Alice, you haven’t introduced yourself”

* “Oh, right. I’m Alice”

* Emmett claps you on the back like you’re an old friend.

* “So, I heard you used to hang out with the sadist twins in the Volturi”

* You can practically feel the tension in the air, even Edward winces

* “They’re not so bad” really, what did anyone expect when they were in that environment

* Emmett grins

* “That’s bad ass”

* The rest of the night passes in a blur. The cullen’s game of monopoly includes some monstrous version where they put 8 different themed boards together and play in teams (You’re obviously on Edward and Alice’s team)

* They also have some sort of structure where they put four hotels together and called it a mega-hotel

* The whole thing blows up when Emmett accused Alice and Edward of using their powers to cheat

* “What do you want me to do, I can’t turn it off when I want Emmett, trust me I would especially when you and-“

* “Oh shut up Emmett, like we haven’t noticed Rosalie has an awful lot of $500 bills” Jasper interjects

* “It’s because you always pay me rent in small change!” She screams

* “Now-“ Carlisle tried to interject but Alice stands up

* “That’s a lie! I saw you steal from the bank several times when Esme wasn’t looking” Alice screams

* It goes on like this until Carlisle Declares the game over, and shoos everyone away.

* “Sorry, I would say it’s usually not like this, but I would be lying” Edward grins and you shrug

* “It was pretty fun and... entertaining in its own way” Edward beams at you, and once again, you definitely feel the dazzling effect Bella described in the movies

* “Should I... take you home now?” You can tell he doesn’t want to take you back yet, and if you’re being honest you don’t want to go back either

* The Cullen’s house has so much light, and you can see the stars so clearly here

* And if you’re being honest things seem to be way more entertaining here

* Edward takes you to a nook which houses a grand piano

* You’re fingers instinctively roam over the keys.

* “Do you play?”

* “Just a bit”

* You’re not the one who knew how to play, not really. But now this body is yours. You’ve thought about asking Carmen for a Piano, you’re sure they would love something that adds to the gothic feel of the mansion, but always cast it aside.

* You’re busy enough with your research.

* “Play me something” Edward grins.

* Alec had said the same thing to you when you were first taken by the Volturi, at the time your mind had raced wondering which piece would impress him the most. Which would aide in your survival.

* But looking at Edward now, you know that it’s not the same situation.

* He really does want you to play whatever your heart desires

* So you play “Love like you”, accompanied by your quiet voice reciting the lyrics

* At some point Edward sits beside you, playing in a deeper key, adding another layer of depth to your performance

* Wordlessly, afterwards he plays a piece of his own, Claire de Lune. Which you know is a remarkably hard piece.

* Still halfway you chime in, your super human fingers keeping up with him with ease

* And so it goes on like this, you play a modern song, waiting for him to catch up and he does the same with a classic

* Like a never ending game of cat and mouse

* It stops abruptly when Edward is in the middle of “moonlight sonata” when Alice clears her throat from behind you.

* “I hate to disturb,” there’s a teasing grin arched on her face. “But if you don’t drop them off, Carmen and Tanya are going to come over personally to retrieve them-“

* You see Edward wince, no doubt reviving Alice’s vision through his ability

* “And I don’t think anyone wants that.”

* You nod, moving to grab your backpack when you overhear Alice say-

* “You never let me play like that with you”

* Edward let’s out some sort of noise akin to a scoff

* “Where did you learn those songs?” He asks when you’re on the road

* Well you can’t tell him they’re from artists who aren’t known yet

* “Personal compositions” you murmur, and Edward grins his dazzling grin

* You talk about nothing but music until you pull into the familiar circle driveway of the manse

* Right when you’re about to thank him for a fun time, he gently stops you with a fleeting touch to your shoulder.

* “I’m graduating next month,” he hands you an envelope which you assume has his graduation card. “I was wondering if you would like to come to the ceremony.”

* You hold the card with both hands stunned, he’s already graduating high school?

* That means only 4 more years until he moves to Forks, and another two until he meets Bella

* And you realize that while time is frozen for both of you until the end of the universe, you’re the only one who isn’t moving forward

* “Yeah, I’d love that!”

* You try your best to smile, but your sure it comes off looking strange

* You don’t talk to anyone, heading straight for your bedroom

* What’s next for you?

[cc-tinslebee]

Okay, so, about a month ago, my brain just conjured up probably the most random au possible: Legally Blonde Adam Banks/banksway au.

Believe me, it's as chaotic as it sounds, but lowkey, I'm kind of in love with it.

Adam never joins the Ducks because there aren't any Ducks to join. Bombay never had to do community service with District Five so there was no one to realise that Adam was on the wrong team all along. He continues to play for the Hawks and, eventually, the Eden Hall Warriors, never getting the chance to become the well-rounded individual we know him as because he's never known anything other than his rich privilege and the "win at all costs" mentality. He ends up going to college on a hockey scholarship and not straight to the NHL or the AHL (shocking, I know). While he's unsure of his major and where his life is heading, he finds solace in the fraternity he joins, which, by some sheer twist of fate, Jesse and Guy have also miraculously joined.

And his life is perfect for a while. He's the star player on yet another school's hockey team, all of his fraternity brothers adore him (though, it took a bit for Jesse to warm up to him), and his secret, not-really-official thing with his former teammate is going swimmingly. (Not to slander my boy, but I was picturing Larson for the role of Warner, purely because the alternative seems to be Rick Riley and that's kind of an unsettling image-- though, maybe that's the point?)

But then his secret boyfriend breaks up with him because, with his high aspirations in life, he needs to be "more serious." And dating Adam Banks, a guy in a stereotypical fraternity who only really knows hockey, in 2001 isn't exactly the white-picket-fence life he's looking for if he's going to be a politician.

And since this non-Duck Adam clearly doesn't have the braincells that canon Adam does, in his devastation, he decides it's a brilliant idea to prove that he is serious by applying to Harvard Law. His parents try to talk him out of it, since they want him to pursue his dreams of hockey, but being a lawyer is a respectable career so they can't exactly argue with him.

He gets accepted thanks to Jesse, Guy, and the rest of his fraternity helping him study for the LSAT and keeping him on track. He's trying his darndest when he gets to Harvard, but (despite his struggle not being as significant as Elle Woods'), not a lot of people take him seriously as an aspiring lawyer, considering him a meathead jock who only got in because of daddy's money.

And that's about the time he meets Linda, who he vaguely remembers from his time at Eden Hall. What he doesn't remember is her being so competitive, because she's deliberately beating him at every turn, just trying (and kind of succeeding) at making him look like a fool. To make matters worse, all of the sudden, she's engaged to his ex-boyfriend, who is very adamant about never telling anyone that he and Adam were more than friends (because, you know, early 2000s homophobia and such).

But things get a little brighter for Adam when he meets Charlie, an undergrad teacher's assistant who gives him all sorts of advice about surviving the school. He introduces him to Professor Bombay, who Charlie claims is the only reason he survived his first year and quickly becomes Adam's favourite teacher, and Charlie's childhood friend Connie, who aspires to be a state senator one day. Charlie's charismatic and even if he's not the most well-liked person at Harvard, Adam feels a weight lifted off his shoulders once he becomes friends with him and Connie. Things become a little easier.

Just before he and Charlie start getting really close, Adam meets Casey at a local diner on a day he's feeling particularly upset and alone, and the two start bonding almost immediately. (He bullshits his way into scaring an ex-husband of hers with legal repercussions he has no idea about and she basically adopts him in return.) It takes him an embarrassing amount of time to realise that it's not just a coincidence that Casey and Charlie share the same last name, which results in poor Adam feeling extremely embarrassed for not connecting the dots sooner while Charlie's having the time of his life teasing him for it. Eventually, when the dust of that settles, Charlie and Adam join forces to set Casey and Bombay up, their schemes borderline ridiculous at times, but they'rere not exactly failing.

And after realising he isn't the Warriors moron she thought he was for going on five years, Linda starts warming up to Adam, which is surprisingly nice? She figures out on her own that there used to be something between him and her fiancé, and is more understanding of Adam than she is mad. Linda actually spills to him the lengths Adam's ex had to go through to actually get into Harvard, aligning more with the rumours about Adam's acceptance being bought than having the aptitude for the law that Linda and Adam share. (This may be me saying Linda and Adam friendship rights, what of it-- /lh)

To make things all the better, Bombay chooses Adam, Linda, Connie, Charlie, and Adam's ex to be on his legal team for a murder case he's responsible for (and while he knows about Adam and Charlie's ploys to hook him up with Charlie's mom, they're his favourites, so he doesn't say anything).

And this is just so much better than anything he had before. After all the initial unpleasantness, Linda and Connie become some of the most genuine friends he's ever had. He misses Guy and Jesse, of course, and he'd never take them for granted, but back when he was with them at the fraternity, a part of him was still being as superficial as he had been in middle and high school. Being authentic for once in his life is liberating.

And Charlie's just about the most considerate person Adam's ever met. Adam doesn't even mind when Charlie teases him over his absurd and juvenile insults because he's just this source of light for Adam, supporting him and always pushing him to be the best version of himself. His ex hardly even exists when Charlie's around because his energy is just so contagious that Adam starts falling for him long before he even realises it. (And when Jesse and Guy come to visit, there's a moment where it all clicks and the four of them realise their history together, however brief. I strongly maintain that they'd be that Starkid meme: "Fucking Hawks? We hated you guys!" "We hated ourselves!" But it does make Adam realise how much better off he would've been if he had Charlie and his team when he was little instead of the Hawks, and it just further makes him understand that people like Larson and Rick Riley just aren't worth it.)

But there's also another revelation Adam goes through. Between helping Casey, his rigorous studies, and his position working with/for Bombay, something just clicks for Adam. He likes being able to help people, fighting for the good guys who may not have the resources they need to be properly defended. Practicing law calls to him in the same way hockey did; it's the feeling of knowing this is what he's meant to do. He still loves hockey, he always will, but it helps him finally grasp that there's a world for him outside of it; when hockey ends for him, there's something equally as rewarding that he can pursue, which was something he never thought he would have.

I haven't a single coherent thought about this au past that point except for these little inklings of an ending--

There's absolutely no SA scene like the movie had; Bombay's just Adam and Charlie's favourite teacher and those are his boys, so he's going to make sure they succeed as if his life depends on it.

With that said, Bombay believes in them both enough to let them finish the case because with their joined determination/stubbornness (and Adam's in with the defendant), Adam and Charlie are a force to be reckoned with and he knows it.

After a handful of comedic failures, they do end up succeeding at their attempts to set Casey and Bombay up, and they start living together sometime during the kids' Junior year :) (All I'm asking is for one (1) story with a Casey/Gordon endgame-- I just think they're neat--)

Linda dumps her fiancé (as she should) and goes on to live her best wlw life as a successful lawyer. (If I'm not mistaken, Linda's actress actually is a lawyer, which is a pretty cool fun fact!!)

Adam and Linda's ex gets the Warner ending because, man, screw that guy /lh (rip to Larson if this is him, I'm sure you'll get a nice endgame in some other universe, king)

Honorary mention for Connie, who was going long distance with Guy this entire time to everyone but Jesse's shock, and they get their Game Changers endgame of State Senator Connie Moreau and stay-at-home dad Guy Germaine with their seven -- sorry, three -- children :)

Adam's an absolute bundle of nerves after graduation, which definitely concerns Charlie. So, when he asks if he's okay, Adam starts nervously monologuing about their time together until he runs out of breath. He ends it by proposing to him, and Charlie smiles so surely at him when he says yes. They both become damn good public defenders and stay engaged until the point they can legally get married, but they're practically husbands long before that happens.

Also, if I did my math right (which I should’ve, it’s my entire basis for my Share Your Address series), the Ducks�� would have the same graduating class year as Elle Woods anyway (2004), which is pretty neat!

Thank you once again for listening to me ramble :)

[ohmy7hearts]

spring gale

Summary: Spring means new beginnings but a gale (a storm more like?) in the name of Shinazugawa Sanemi blows your plans out and throw your once peaceful life into the winds.

Pairings: Shinazugawa Sanemi x Fem!Reader // future Shinazugawa Genya x SisterFigure!Reader 

A/N: this,,, is v impromptu. i literally got out of my bed bc it has been bugging me with how little sanemi fanfics there are, esp modern aus. tbh, there have been plenty of fics brewing in my mind and tell me if there’s any you’d be interested in and maybe i will return from my hiatus hah:

 - zhongli modern au: adepti babies being your adopted children and navigating parenthood 

- unknown pairing as of now but travelers being your kids so transporting yourself into the world to find them after 500+ years of not returning home 

- etc involving atsumu, diluc, childe but if you have any requests, feel free to drop it in and maybe i’ll consider them

Warnings: Some cursing (I mean it’s Sanemi lolol)

“Shinazugawa-san?” Sanemi glanced up, his hands continued packing away his things into the bag, an eyebrow raised. You smiled, hands folded over the other in front of you, as you continued to speak after gaining his attention. “When would you be free to do the project?”

He sighed, throwing his bag over his shoulder, while making his way out of the classroom - tone and body language showing his disinterest in the conversation. “We can just do it in class.”

You jogged to get into step next to him, “Well, it is for the bare minimum. I’m sure we can do much better than that.” You observed his side profile to see if any emotion could give way to what he was thinking. You frowned, frustration creeping up on you, “I understand that we’re not each other’s first choice in partners but that’s not an excuse to not do our best.”

“Are grades and studying the only thing in that airhead of yours?” His eyes flit towards yours for a moment before returning its gaze forward. “I don’t fucking have as much free time as you.”

You stopped following him. A bolt of anger and disbelief had your mouth dropping and hands curling into shaking fists. You scoffed, voice raising with each word, “I believe you need this more than me, Shinazugawa-san. Unless you want to continue being a pain in everyone’s ass and eventually not even graduate, then be my guest.” 

He swiveled towards you. You flinched reactively. He faltered, face momentarily flitting from anger to surprise back to annoyance the moment his eyes scanned you. One step, two steps. He was in your space, breathing in and out to you, with his  strikingly cold eyes and thin eyebrows furrowed. “Say that again, I dare you.”

You closed your eyes before releasing a deep sigh, muscles easing from the hold of your anger. “We don’t have to do it after school or on the weekends if you are that occupied. We can do it before school or during our breaks and even before our clubs start.” You grabbed one of his wrist, turning his palm upwards, shoving the crumpled paper with your number into it while fixating your glare on him throughout. You refuse to back down but you will be the bigger person. Forcing his hand to a close, you narrowed your eyes for good measure while trying to control the smirk from overtaking your face when his frown further deepened in distaste. Taking a step back, your hands returned to the usual folded stance, you forced an amicable smile to replace the smirk - although you have a feeling that he could still see the smirk from how his eye twitched, “Of course, it’s really up to you, Shinazugawa-san.”

Turning on your heel, you headed back to the classroom with your head held high and a full-blown smirk on your face while your peers watched with stolen glances and whispers behind hands or under breaths. The clicking of his tongue echoed in the corridor and in your head all the way back to the classroom. 

“Ara, ara, should you really do that (Y/N)-chan?” Shinobu greeted you by your desk, eyes filled with mirth from the free entertainment.

You laughed airily, eyes not meeting hers but focused on clearing the messy table, “I wouldn’t have to if he wasn’t that difficult.” 

“Not many survive Sanemi you know?” Shinobu followed you to the student council room. “One must use their life's worth of luck to crawl out from his bad side.” 

A bark of a laugh escaped you from her exaggeration. “Shinobu-chan ~ I thought you wanted to get into medicine and not theatrics?”

Her eyes met yours, a smirk tugging on her lips, eyes shifting precariously into ones when she knew something the other party doesn’t and in this case that was you. A shiver ran down your spine. You’ve been in the spot only a few times but still a few too many with most of them ending up jerking your view of the world down a path you’ve never considered. You gulped, hands itching and playing with themselves. 

“Did you not hear about how he got into a fight with some university boys down at the park?” She leaped into your space, voice dropping into a whisper in your ear yet head tilted to ensure a front seat view to your reaction. “He came out with a couple of scratches and bruises but…” Her small hands encircled your upper arm. Your eyes dropping to them before returning to her face - surprised to witness your shock colouring your face white as it was reflected in those big eyes of hers. “The boys said to be much bigger than he is, had to go to the hospital.” Her smile bordering on unhinged glee, she drawled, “They were so scared they didn’t sue him.”

She immediately returned to her spot beside you, a foot away, while her shoulders and arms lifted in a form of a shrug nonchalantly. “Apparently, when questioned, the boys said something about them being the ones out of line and they have worked things out.” 

Being close friends with Shinobu and Mitsuri meant that you were privy to the latest gossip and news but you always took it with a grain of salt seeing firsthand how some things were purposefully voided or added for the enjoyment of teenagers. You smiled unsurely, “that’s just a rumour Shinobu-chan.”

She pouted, invisible to those who didn't know her well enough or who weren’t keen enough, “You can ask Akio. He was a witness.”

Your eyes widened before blinking in incredulity. “What.”

She giggled, hand raising in a wave before dashing down the corridor. “Do share with me if he tells you more!” 

It took you a few seconds to regain your bearings, even a shake of your head to rid the mental image of Sanemi punching away on people bigger than him for his amusement. He was by no means a small person shown clearly with the muscles seen even through the school uniform - a testament to his achievements as one of the greatest fighters in the taekwondo club despite his lacklustre participation of actually attending said club practices - but there were certainly bigger and taller people in your school, much less university. 

“Hashimoto-san!” You snapped out of your musings.

“Tanaka-san.” You greeted back. The black haired guy chuckled, “I told you to call me by my first name. After all, we’ve been working together for 3 years. Unless, you don’t see me as a friend? Damn, it must hurt to only be seen as a student council partner even after winning the presidential election together.”

“Stop being so dramatic.” You huffed, plopping down into the chair and hands gravitating towards the papers on the table before being stopped by a hand on your wrist. Raising an eyebrow, he returned the gesture indicating there’s something he was expecting you to tell him. He released the grasp on your hand the moment you were falling back onto the back support of the chair with a sigh. “How may I help you Akio?”

“On the way here, I heard an interesting piece of news.” He sat sideways on the table, the leg on the table folded over the leg still standing. You folded your arms over your chest and hummed. “You and Shinazugawa were fighting?”

“It was just a talk that got a bit heated. I was trying to get a hold on him so we can do our project for literature together.” 

Akio’s eyebrows shot up and disappeared under his bangs. “Wow, what luck. First, he somehow got into your class through that stupid maths shit and now you have to deal with him.” He smiled in assurance, eyes crinkling close and  a hand over his heart. “Be careful but if anything happens, I’m here. I’ll come running to save my beloved president.”

You mouthed a wow. Silence blanketed the both of you as you nod in understanding - lips trying to contain the smiles and laughs - as he continued to express his devotion through his hand gestures - hand flying to point at you before returning to over his chest, patting it, then forming into a prayer of sorts - all the while mouthing his loyalty to you. 

With a shake of your head and hands indicating him to leave as you pulled yourself closer to your table, “Thanks but I doubt I need it.”

Instead, he tilted his head backwards and narrowed his eyes on the ceiling. “If you see what I saw, I wouldn’t put too much faith in him.”

Blood freezes over while questions overwhelm your mind. You gulped and licked your lips to get rid of the sudden dryness, “And what exactly are they?”

“He didn’t stop beating them up or screaming at them even when they were down. Three policemen had to pry him off and restrain him.”

Your heart dropped.

[joshjacksons]

Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)

Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”

The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.

“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”

And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.

His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.

“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”

If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”

Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.

“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”

Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”

The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”

It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.

But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”

It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”

Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.

“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”

Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.

“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”

Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.

“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”

Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.

The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”

A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.

“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”

Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’

“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”

Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.

“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”

[seyaryminamoto]

my school works are piled up this past few weeks (graduating tingz) and i just started reading the deadlock novel it feels like i'm reading a sokkla fic every time Mcashe has a scene because they just give off the vibes skskskskksksks. BTW, what's your top5 fav scenes from the novel? PS: I'm smiling like an idiot while reading the novel ughh i hate myself

I KNOW, RIIIIIGHT?! *-* and don't hate yourself, my anon friend, I spent the whole novel smiling and laughing and losing my goddamn mind because I was having the time of my life xD enjoy this beautiful content as best you can!

I mean, frankly, Reunion already had all the Sokkla vibes I could've wanted/needed to ship these two like FedEx and I always knew I wasn't getting off this ride anytime soon. But gosh, this book... it gave me everything I wanted and MORE! Their dynamics are soooo similar to Sokkla team-up dynamics, two power couples kicking ass and taking names... oh, I just love it so much. I probably will end up reading the book a third time soon x'D

As for my favorite scenes, damn, this is tricky xD

KEYCHAIN! HE MADE HER KEYCHAIN!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! God, it's just amazing how the book explains the "vintage" look for Ashe's hoverbike the way it does, and that they literally built it together *screams!!!*, but then he gives her that keychain for her birthday present, and the implications!! THE IMPLICATIONS!!! He gave her a keychain she's held onto for TWENTY YEARS?!?!?! Ships in the OW fandom have sailed far and wide with less than breadcrumbs: we literally have been granted a boon from the GODS with all this extra context for the little things in Reunion xD

Ashe going to hell and back to save her kidnapped BFF-for-whom-she-totally-doesn't-have-feelings-yeah-yeah-sure-Jan. I love the fact that McCree is, in a way, Ashe's damsel in distress and not the other way around xD Of course, it's what you'd expect from an Ashe-centric story, but it's still an amazing sequence, all around. Gotta highlight how she loves the way he smiles like a madman when they have that shootout at the end, and how he worries so much over Ashe's injury when he took an even worse one than she did (the Sokkla vibes in that particular situation were SO STRONG! I SWEAR!).

"Jesse McCree, are you trying to make me say you're handsome?" "Am I?" ... do I need to say more. That FLIRTING. These two were on fire already and they'd only known each other for like... weeks, at this point? x'D He has no sense of moderation, he's soooo into her and doesn't hide it at all. Ashe is so busy trying to plot all the crime and Jesse's practically like a shojo heroine, "oh I can feel it, this is how my love story begins!", basically xD

Finally I pick a not-McAshe scene... to bring up the one where Ashe picks up the Viper on her last moment in Lead Rose Manor. That moment was just... POWERFUL. The feeling of epicness in that scene just overwhelmed me when I was reading it xD

The ending of the book :'D the fully formed Deadlock Gang ready for business, down to the explanation for the Est. 1976 in the logo... *sobs* the fact that so much about the character design choices in these two characters is a shoutout to the past they share is just... *gross sobbing* oh, I just love it to pieces, I'm not even sorry.

Ashe's bike race to save B.O.B. x'D that whole situation was bonkers but I looooved how fierce she was about protecting her one and only buddy while growing up (AND THAT JESSE BLUSHED WHEN SHE TAUNTED HIM WAS JUST THE CHERRY ON TOP!). I appreciated learning more about the Omnic War and its consequences, how Ashe reflects on having escaped it practically untouched in virtue of her money and societal privilege while her new friends all faced many hardships to survive. But I can't help but also love that, however uneasy others could have been about the Best Omnic Butler, Ashe was so fiercely loyal to B.O.B. that she nearly broke Julian's nose herself over his ridiculousness x'D That's HER big omnic buddy and she's not about to lose him to anyone, not her shitty parents, not a bet in a race, NOTHING! (and it's so cute that B.O.B. is just as loyal to her, too *sobs*)

Ashe grabbing McCree's arm to explain things to him on their first heist and him being all "you gonna leave that there?" and only then does she realize her hand's still on him x'D what a McCree line, and he was absolutely enjoying the attention, he doesn't even pretend otherwise.

Everything poetic McCree says or does... meanwhile Ashe's like "um yeah I don't care about poetry I want money", right until his poet soul totally smashes her square in the heart with the KEYCHAIN!!! But damn, I swear I thought McCree would hold back a lot more, and yet there he was, saying things like Calamity was brilliant and mysterious... you could practically hear B.O.B., Julian and Frankie going "I can see what's happening..." in the background xD

The conversation about what they wanted to do once they were loaded with all the cash they could possibly want. That one was a real number on my heartstrings. It ties up to what I said earlier with Ashe finally being in touch with people who are completely removed from the ridiculous social circles of her parents and her school, people who really lost a lot in the war. But where Julian and Frankie seem to look at the past a lot, I loved that Jesse is basically just thinking about the future. The fact that he says he wants to chill out in a farm and that this is what he wants in life... many, MANY, shippy wheels have turned in my head since I read that <.< maaaany...

WHEN JESSE NEARLY FALLS AND ASHE CATCHES HIM!!! UNDERRRATED AS HECK!!! The fact that he's taunting her about fear of heights, then he nearly plummets to his death because ironies are beautiful xD and Ashe pulls him back to safety only to say that she's not afraid of heights but afraid of ~FALLING~??? I mean, okay, sure, maybe I'm reading too much into that line... or maybe I'm not <.< either way, the truth is I just love how absolutely broad of interpretation that scene and that DIALOGUE are :> ehehehe.

Oh, their first encounter. The fact that it's so cute and fun, and that it's this low in the list tells you how GOOD this book was x'D "You've got an awful lot of grit for a rich girl," first words he spoke to the love of his life xD then how they talked and laughed together about the crazy stories he shared (she was crying of laughter for the first time in her life! precious girl!), and then how she sat in the car thinking about the strange feeling she was left with after meeting him... they seriously had a meetcute in prison, how can a ship get any better? xD

WHEN HE COMES BACK TO HER WHEN THEIR FIRST HEIST GOES WRONG!!! That Ashe expects him to just leave after she falls off their getaway vehicle, but Jesse saves her and goes "pfft that's just not my style", basically... *sobs* without realizing it she ends up picking up that particular philosophy of his, saving her friends no matter the cost...! Honestly, though, the fact that every time something like this happens it hits Ashe like a truck racing downhill with no brakes because she's NEVER been cared about by anyone but B.O.B. and she's completely new to friendships and bonding with people... and in the mean time, Jesse immediately is "ride or die" with her because that's how he rolls... beautiful relationship dynamics between characters who influence each other for the better are just beautiful :')

A silly one here: Jesse enjoying the good life in Lead Rose. That description of him looking like a marshmallow in the CHAISE LOUNGEEEEE!!! (the one he references in their in-game interactions *CRYING SO MANY TEARS*), was just too cute to bear x'D Ashe just jumping back into work mode... while he was just thrilled to be a marshmallow in a towel xD

... So, um, I went overboard because I love this book a little too much for my own good :> what can I say? When things I love are good, I go wild xD There's probably more scenes I loved, but these... thirteen? XD are the ones that came to mind.

I think one of my favorite things now is reexamining Reunion with all this extra context in mind. The first time I watched that cinematic I, of course, fell in love with these two outlaws because how could I not? But while subsequent rewatches revealed a lot of things I didn't pay enough attention to the first time around, the book has done even more than I could imagine possible for a short that was already as shippy as could be xD

Ooookay so, shippy ramblings about Reunion, coming up! (simply because I have to put these down SOMEWHERE XD and your ask was a good idea for that, anon!)

First off, Jesse very much staged the whole rodeo in Reunion. He sent the tip to Ashe, he wanted Echo's crate specifically. He thought they could work together, basically, despite knowing it was entirely possible that those hopes wouldn't pay off. This train, according to the wikia, was a government train, so Jesse is very much telling Ashe to give a finger to the government for all he cares, all he wants is one (1) crate.

Ergo, Jesse, for all his "nice guy bountyhunter" deal, doesn't disapprove of Deadlock's actions. If anything, he counts on them to be exactly what he needs in order to get what he wants. He practically trusts Ashe to pull off the train heist disaster perfectly and only steps up when it's time to collect Echo.

Then the wacky shoot-out happens, it's veeeery charged (the UST is so thick, I swear...), and Jesse wins. He ties up Ashe, floats her off on the payload with the rest of the gang, and he sets Echo free. He's helping her out very nicely and everything, but the context in question is... he received the recall notification thingy XD Winston called him back to Overwatch, and Jesse...

... Jesse doesn't want to go back.

Jesse says "they want me", and the displeased tone of his voice, paired with the look on his face when he says that line, speak for themselves.

That, in my humble opinion, isn't the sequence of expressions you'd expect from someone who intends to return to the group where he thrived, had the time of his life and found his true calling. To me, he actually looks irritated about the recall (the sequence of expressions during that line is much better when you watch the full thing x'D), as though he REALLY doesn't want to return. He's not against Overwatch, I'm not quite saying that, otherwise he wouldn't have set Echo free and told her to go back at all... but this isn't remorse. It's not "Oh, I'm not good enough for Overwatch anymore". Nope... this is "My time with them is over and I don't plan on going back unless I have no choice", as far as I can tell.

If OW2 does bring him back into the fold and he's a perfectly chill and happy guy about it, I'll seriously be surprised. I mean, he could have set Echo free and, once his business is over, returned to Overwatch with her, he could have been in the Paris cinematic if he'd done that...

But he's not there.

Which outright says he didn't do that :> oops.

Basically, I think Jesse's reaction in Retribution (where he's markedly the most morally correct one of the bunch, and he's the former outlaw :'D) tells you his displeasure with Overwatch ran very, very deep. And someone can very easily say he felt the same way about Deadlock and that's why he left them for Overwatch... but that's conjecture. His displeasure with Blackwatch (and, in consequence, Overwatch), however, is FACT. And the previous conjecture falls flat pretty quickly considering he's perfectly fine with Ashe's train heist, even sets it up himself, from what the story suggests, so... how ~appalled~ was he over her choices and actions? Not appalled at all, if you ask me, and after you read Deadlock Rebels, you actually understand why: Jesse trusts Ashe.

From the first moment she enters the same prison block he's in, he's drawn to her. He wants to impress her, he absolutely enjoys her company and making her laugh (just as much as she enjoyed laughing at his wacky stories), and he's plain thrilled that she comes back for him when she does. Ashe manages the gang with inexperience but she's always willing to improve, and you see Jesse sticking with her through thick and thin, supporting her at the best and worst times alike, always putting his faith on her and constantly watching out for her (he protected and shielded her from attacks with his own body sooooo many times *sobs*). Ashe starts out intending to keep most profits for herself, and Jesse doesn't care much at first... but then she starts to share profit equally between their team. She works on her own bike herself, her own ride, and she plans and solves problems as best she can, to a point of even going overboard with planning too much. She's wild, reckless and takes insane risks... and this guy loves every second of it. The matter of morality regarding the actions of a criminal gang is, of course, something to think about... but as far as the book goes, Ashe mainly targets her own family, their specific brand of bullshit, and in the process she ends up helping lots of people and even saving lives that might not have been saved otherwise. I'm not going to put my hand on the fire here and say Deadlock never ever did anything absolutely wrong to people who didn't deserve it... but for a criminal gang? They're honestly the most wholesome one the OW team could have come up with, if you ask me.

So where you see Jesse is very much antagonistic with Reaper/Reyes, where he loses his temper with the guy's choices, he doesn't ever do that with Ashe. Overwatch ARE supposed to be the good guys... so how weird that Jesse McCree, reformed outlaw, ends up so disappointed with these guys when he was actually thrilled with Ashe's managing of their gang, as far as we saw. So much so that, when it came down to it, Jesse McCree, 20 years later, still counts on Ashe to give him a hand (without her full awareness) with a little operation to help out an old friend of his. Also worth pointing out: he doesn't want to fight at all, while Ashe, of course, does. Deadlock for life, is what Jesse said... and he's not Deadlock anymore, hasn't been for who knows how long. Worse yet... his tattooed arm is gone. It's like all his ties to Deadlock have been severed.

And even so, he came to Ashe and hoped she wouldn't want a shootout with him. Even when he knows she might be beyond unforgiving because of the betrayal (he has seen directly how outraged she was about a certain someone betraying her in the book...), Jesse goes back anyway and hopes it won't come to this.

THE IMPLICATIONS, MAN!!!

Carrying on: Echo is surprised that Jesse shows no intentions of going back to Overwatch. She asks him what he's going to do... and what does Jesse say?

He puts his cowboy hat back on (the symbolism in this short, I swear...), and when she asks him what he's going to do, he tells her "I've got some business to attend to."

THE MUSIC PICKS UP.

AND THEN HE CLIMBS ON THE BIKE HE BUILT WITH ASHE.

YOU GET A DELIBERATE CLOSE-UP TO THE KEYCHAIN.

THEN THE CAMERA PANS UP TO FOCUS ON THE PICTURE, TORN AND TAPED BACK TOGETHER, THAT ASHE CARRIES ON THIS BIKE, A BIKE WHICH, LET'S BE REAL, IS BASICALLY A MCASHE BABY CHOPPER/HOVERBIKE HYBRID, AND AS SHE PUTS IT LATER, IS...

HER

BIKE!!!

When Jesse says he has business to attend to, he could pick up any bike he wants (since it'd stand to reason that the other guys Ashe came in with would have bikes of their own). He could escape on horseback for all we know xD so there are lots of options... but no. He takes HERS. Right after saying he has "business to attend to".

Look, I could be wrong. I could be dead wrong. I can absolutely be digging around and going INSANE because nothing I ship EVER gets this much content.

But we literally get a guy saying he has "business" to take care of, and the cinematic focuses exclusively on elements that, even BEFORE Deadlock Rebels, all point towards Ashe?! You could easily say that taking her bike is just the final nail on the coffin, his last trolling idea to mess with his one true love... but that picture is right there. That picture, with them in their youth. The picture, btw, was bigger than just them: B.O.B.'s hand is there. The top of the picture is uneven, suggesting Ashe probably tore it to shreds in a fit of rage... and then specifically put together THEIR PART. And then she taped that to her bike's dashboard. Meaning, she carries the goddamn memory of Jesse with her EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. And she does it WILLINGLY.

Which, in turn, answers why Jesse expects MAYBE Ashe wouldn't go full-on hostile when they meet: this trolling cowboy knows exactly what he means to Ashe. He's not surprised when he sees that picture on the bike. He doesn't toss it away, which he could have, if he were saying "we are history now, forget it gurl" (and let's be honest, what a dick move that would have been @_@), he doesn't flinch after noticing and then goes "yeah, no, I'm picking another bike".

NOPE. The familiarity with which they talk, the way he hopes she'll just let him walk away, the fact that she DIDN'T change the keychain and bike in all those years and he's not even SURPRISED...

Jesse knows how much she loves him, point-blank. He's completely aware of it... and he's very much okay with it.

So much so... that I'm something of a 90% sure that the business he intends to deal with is ASHE HERSELF.

And no, I don't mean he's going to go on another shootout with her... I mean, evidently, that Jesse wants to come home. That he's tried the life of Overwatch, and he's decided to leave it behind. He's turned bountyhunter now, vigilante, pretty much... but he comes back to Ashe all the same. He's come back for the first time in who knows how long (going by Ashe's expressions and sarcasm with the "you promised you'd write" line, it miiiiiiight be they haven't seen each other since he got recruited into Blackwatch), and he expected a peaceful encounter, no less.

A good question to ask here is... what did Jesse hope would happen, if the encounter HAD been peaceful? He would've released Echo, sent her away to her business, and stayed behind anyway because he had business to deal with. Which business? :'D why... the business that would've been standing right in front of him.

There's no other, logical reason why this cinematic would put Ashe and McCree's picture into focus right when McCree says what he does to Echo. There's no other reasonable choice why McCree would turn his back on Overwatch quite so firmly. We know he had two important ties in his life: Overwatch and Deadlock. And Overwatch stole him away from Deadlock for a VERY long time. Well over half the time Deadlock has been in operations, as far as I can tell. He picked Overwatch over Deadlock once before... and now, it seems he's picking Deadlock over Overwatch instead :')

The follow-up short, Roadtrip, doesn't do anything to change my mind. The trolling jerk, Jesse McCree, hovers past Ashe's payload, where she's just... complaining, as she hovers xD going by what I know of the game and that map, the payload may just be en route to the gang's hideout, so that, I'd say, could explain why she hasn't climbed off it or escaped in any way (which she reasonably would have, if Jesse was trying to, I don't know, send her and her people to the authorities).

My point here is, however, that Jesse is headed the same way the payload is. If his destination is the same one, he'll beat it there for sure. Maybe, yes, he'll go away and drive well past the hideout... but maybe that's exactly where he intended to go.

Maybe, in the end, Reunion is about a man who's finally coming home :D

In addition, goes without saying, Ashe's rant about how everyone falls to pieces over Jesse showing his "stupid mug" (uh-huh, stupid, ANGELIC mug, we know what you really think, girl xD) ends with her saying she should have "put a bullet in him the minute he showed up".

Which begs the question of why didn't she.

Then, of course, she says she hates McCree when he drives past her while listening to some really ridiculous honky-tonky-sounding music x'D I cannot even help but imagine him deliberately picking that radio station or whatever it was just to annoy Ashe when he drove beside her, and so that she can get extra pissed when she retrieves her beloved bike, turns on the music and it's just more honky-tonky stuff x'D but anyway, the thing is she shouts after him, tells him that's her bike and says she hates him. B.O.B. wordlessly speaks for us McAshe shippers by giving Ashe the most "sure, Jan" side-eye in the history of side-eyes, and Ashe notices and is outraged enough to knock B.O.B.'s little hat right off his head again.

Again... this is renowned outlaw Elizabeth Caledonia "Calamity" Ashe, sitting on a payload, groaning about the guy she once very much had feelings for (and that doesn't even begin to cut it, if you ask me x'D) and for whom she tooooootally doesn't anymore, that picture on her bike doesn't MEAN that, OBVIOUSLYYYY!!, and so, she sits up, complains and doesn't do much of anything to get out of her current situation, right? :>

So, summing up my current understanding of EVERYTHING, thanks to Deadlock Rebels and my obsessive rewatches of Reunion + Roadtrip:

Jesse deliberately sought out Ashe so she would indirectly, unknowingly, help him set Echo free from the government's clutches.

Jesse hoped for a peaceful encounter despite knowing he might not get one.

Jesse has no intentions of returning to Overwatch but was willing to perform one final act of service for them by releasing Echo so she'd go give Winston and co. a hand.

Jesse is NOT surprised to see that Ashe: 1. Didn't change bikes at some point in the twenty years since they built it. 2. Didn't swap the ignition key for a button, the way she says she thought to do it in the novel until he gives her the keychain. 3. KEPT THE POETIC AF KEYCHAIN, despite resenting Jesse for his betrayal. 4. KEEPS A PICTURE OF THEM IN THEIR YOUNGER YEARS PASTED ON HER BIKE'S DASHBOARD.

Jesse claims he has business to deal with: he doesn't clarify said business verbally, but every shot after he says those words focuses on elements related to Ashe... and then, along with the novel's context, it's elements related to their BOND. Everything in that shot, EVERYTHING, is connected to the two of them. Elements that weren't shown before or during their shootout, and that are only introduced in that final moment when McCree is off to deal with his "business".

Ashe doesn't climb off the payload or stops it (which, going by how McCree simply pressed a button, and Ashe isn't immobilized in the least, she easily could have done it too if she had wanted to). Suggesting that, wherever the payload is heading, it isn't anywhere dangerous for Ashe and her crew, ergo, she is 100% sure McCree isn't trying to screw her over by turning her in to the authorities or so (or, at worst, she's completely confident that, even if he is going to do this, she'll be able to get out of it easily).

Jesse drives in the same direction the payload is headed. Another hint that suggests he might intend to head to the Deadlock hideout and that, whatever business he has left to deal with, it involves them.

If his intent ISN'T to go to the hideout... Jesse is still guaranteeing that Ashe will come after him by stealing her bike, the 18th birthday gift he gave her, and the picture she keeps of them. That he takes that very bike practically serves as painting a target on his back for her to hunt down, and he KNOWS IT.

In short: Jesse will have plenty of business with the Deadlock Gang in his future, and going by how pleased he seems to be when riding the bike, he's perfectly happy to handle that business on his terms, whenever he wants to handle it.

Extra tidbit: there's nothing in Deadlock Rebels about Jesse's smoking habit, something he definitely did pick up at some point while in the gang because, hahaha, he IS smoking in the picture Ashe keeps of him :> Which makes me wonder why, of all pictures Ashe chooses to keep on her bike's dashboard, she picks one where he's smoking.

Then, it makes me wonder about the fact that Jesse deliberately starts smoking when he's standing right in front of her (and then he winks at her!). He tosses that cigar after things get kind of dangerous for him because B.O.B. does something, and then... then he goes back to smoking.

RIGHT WHEN HE'S CLIMBING ON THE BIKE.

Like... seriously...

*unintelligible fangirl screaming*

I could be looking too deeply into this. I know I could be. Maybe Blizzard just wants me to go CRAZY with little symbolism and hints charged with SO MUCH MEANING that maybe don't have as much meaning as I thought it did...

... But man, I've sailed into the depths of the shippiest oceans for many ships that have gotten actual breadcrumbs from canon. I've gone wild over ships that have zero opportunity to become a thing in canon continuity. I've written a nearly 3M words story based on a ship that is just UNEXPLORED AMAZING POTENTIAL and ngl, I love exploring it myself, so I don't even begrudge canon that much for not giving it to me anymore.

But the fact is, no ship in OW, as far as I've seen, has remotely as much content, hints and strong ties as McAshe does -- at least, no ships between heroes. We had a cinematic that was CHARGED with significance, with little gestures, with even the smallest facial expressions that carried soooo much more meaning than whole episodes or even seasons in TV shows. And then? We got a novel. A full novel depicting their origins and exploring their dynamics, how tight their friendship was, and how some strong feelings were certainly brewing there, even if neither one was ready to act on them yet (as far as we saw...).

Finally... I'll say I did start working on a Sokkla Western AU ages ago because the idea I had for one was pretty amusing. Then Reunion dropped, and I said "Why would I need to finish that story anymore when the Sokkla Western AU is RIGHT HERE?!"

And that's it, I will stop rambling now because this got insanely long x'D but thank you very very much for giving me this chance to go WILD on everything I can see, within all those canon hints, with these two *-*

[dilemma-ed]

A Definitive List of All the Times Andrew Thought Neil Looked Beautiful

when they win a game. it’s the stupid smile neil gives him after he pulls off his helmet, it’s the way that he jogs, face lit up and hair shaggy, to where andrew is at the goal waiting for him. it's the smile that transforms his face, it's the sight of the smile that makes something inside of andrew ache

when he runs. all of the tension bleeds out of his face, out of his body, leaving nothing but a level head and achillean stride. he looks serene when he runs, as if he were made for the very thing. running was how neil survived for eight years, had become an act of comfort for him in the latter years since he'd chosen to stay, since he'd chosen andrew

when he comes back from a run. his hair wind-tousled, scarred cheeks pink from exertion. it was the way his shirt stuck to his skin with sweat, the way he was still slightly out of breath. there was something about it, about the soft smile he'd give andrew when he entered the apartment, that reignited something inside him he'd thought had long ago perished

on the late nights—or early mornings—he supposed, where they'd sit on the balcony of their apartment and watch the sun rise, the pink sky reflecting on neil's face, highlighting the angles of his cheekbones, the elegant slope of his neck, passing a cigarette between them

when neil wears a suit. it doesn't happen often, but on the rare occasions they go to end of season banquets or weddings in the years after they graduate from palmetto, neil would put on his suit. the deep blue of the jacket brought out the color of his eyes, the top button of his shirt undone, exposing just enough skin to bring attention to neil's lithe, muscular form

when he watches exy. it was the furrow in his brow, the way he rests his chin in his hand. the way that neil, junkie that he is, always leans forward, ready to jump up at the signal of a penalty or goal. he was an idiot for caring so much about something so trivial, but it made andrew want to kiss his stupid mouth

when he interacts with the cats. neil has a way of talking to the cats, as if they understood a word of what he was saying. he has a way of showing affection to them in a manner that was only ever reserved for andrew. it was the quiet smile that slides across his face when king purrs on his chest that made andrew grateful for the animals

when he falls asleep first. there was something quietly beautiful about the way that neil fell asleep, the slow droop of his eyes—still fixated on andrew's own, fluttering as he fought to stay awake, the softening of his features, the way his breath evened out. though he might never admit it, at least not aloud, it brought him a sense of peace, a moment of quiet, of something akin to happiness

when he asks 'yes or no?'. there was something in neil's hesitation, in the expression in his eyes, in his willingness to wait for an answer that made it hard to breathe. it was the understanding in neil's face, in his willingness to have andrew, in anyway he'd allow him to that made neil so beautiful, that made him seem so ethereal

when he says yes. because, in his eyes—in his body language, andrew could see that he means it, that neil's yeses aren't blindly given, but rather are an exchange of trust granted between them, something to be earned

when he says no. it was in the trust in his eyes, the knowledge that andrew would stop if he asked, if he needed to, that made neil look so damn beautiful it hurt

when he gets neil off. it was in the microexpressions of neil's face that made him so beautiful. it was the gasp through parted lips before he climaxed, the way his body shuddered against andrew's own, the grip of his hands in andrew's hair, the fluttering of long lashes

when he looks at andrew like that. because no one has ever looked at him like that before, with such reverence, as if Andrew himself were beautiful. because, as much as it scared him, neil's expression was an unspoken promise of always, of what he'd been resigned to never being able to have, of what he never thought he'd deserve