#they are literally just your average dysfunctional family

[orangechickenpillow]

Omg the Endless going to a wedding. The Endless going to a wedding. I'm crying this is so funny

[bl00dlight]

Ooh I just saw the ask you answered about if Aemond genuinely cares about people and what not, and I loved your answer, very succinct. But it got me thinking, just food for thought really; if Aemond were to meet someone who genuinely loves him back and shows him this love, in a sense that he perhaps would know this person wouldn't betray him/wouldn't hurt him (be it a romantic partner or otherwise). How do you think he would react then? Do you think that, if he knew this person cared for him the same way, he then would allow himself to be vulnerable and trust the person enough to open himself completely?

I won't say similar because it's not that kind of relationship that I mean, I mean an actual real one, but kinda like the vulnerable we see him being in the brothel with the madam? Because there he looks fairly comfortable letting his walls down.

An Analysis Of Aemond Targaryen: Relationships, Romance, Cluster B Personality Disorders, Avoidant Attachment and How Childhood Trauma and Family Dysfunction Fucked His Ass Up.

I've written a psychology paper for you.

I have not proof read this. Idgaf about typos.

Also obviously as I say later, when I talk about this shit - it's in the context of me talking about a FICTIONAL, exaggerated character who has ungodly levels of power. Not your average traumatised irl person. So please do not come for me, I'm analysing AEMOND not you/others irl.

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Answer;

I think it would be a nightmare.

I don't think he is capable of a stable reltionship. Just like many men in our world, Aemond needs CBT and like maybe a prescription for vallium to help him chill the fuck out.

This isn't a call out by the way, thank you for your question its a genuinely interesting one that Ive thought about alot. But I think fanfiction can start to feel like accurate interpretations of characters. So alot of the idea of Aemond being this soft baby boy on the inside who just needs a woman who loves him to fix him is a completely false dichotomy.

So here is why -

ATTACHMENT ISSUES? PROBABLY.

Aemond didn't actually really care about the Madame. We know that because he walks out and basically says 'A whore is a whore.' In his mind she is just a means to an end - he feels comfortable with her because she is familiar, but ultimately she is still below him, still what he would consider immoral and dirty. Remember he is paying her, he is buying her silence, her discretion and her submission. This is a consensual relationship, she isn't CHOOSING to do these things. He is buying her out.

The reality is, Aemond wouldn't be any different to Daemon. He would neglectful and likely alot less redeemable than Daemon - because ultimately Daemon's wounds are far more surface level, because Daemon is loved and has known compassion/warmth/supportive family etc.

Aemond hasn't. His ENTIRE identity is fractured. For example, take how he treats Alicent and Helaena - two people he knows both genuinely love him and cares for him (in there own dysfunctional ways) and he reciprocates this love and care. Yet look at how he treats them when he is triggered by something (feels weak, scared, confronted, vunerable).

Most people who come from dysfunctional families and have attachment issues or personality disorders or whatever other labels you want to give to trauma. Espeically for men who mainly become more avoidant or anti-social as a result.

They don't lean in to the people who genuinely care for them, they pull away. It's easier for Aemond to give in to the Madame, because she is familiar, but she's also distant. He has all the power. He can be vunerable because she literally cannot hurt him at all, she can't use that vunerablity against him, she can't abandon him etc. Why? Because he can do whatever he wants to her. He could just have her killed if she fucks him off. He doesn't actually care about her, there is no risk for him in being vunerable with her. Ewan Mitchell basically said it himself:

" 'Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.' That’s the code his character utilizes so he’s able to maneuver around this world without getting caught by Al Pacino.Aemond has a similar code that stops him from being hurt like he was as a kid. That’s why he’s able to walk out on the madam in that scene. He’s humiliated by his brother and all his crew, and it’s like this switch flips. The madam is no more. All of these people in front of him? They mean nothing. He stands up, he owns it. 'Yeah, I’m bulletproof. Anything you say, it will not work.' "

He isn't attached the Madame. He CAN just get up and leave because the dynamic is risk free. He has the power. But with Alicent or Helaena for example? Notice how he easily he crumbles? How he desperately wants/needs things from them. Comfort, validation, support, love? And when he feels he is being denied that - he shatters.

The trouble is, Aemond would never know someone isn't going to hurt them. If they are choosing to be there willingly, from what we've seen from his characterisation so far - that wouldn't make him less likely to hurt that person. It would make him more likely to hurt them. Which is standard practice with people who have been abused, they repeat that abuse onto others.

Genuine love, genuine vunerable is a fucken huge risk for him. A HUGEEE risk. That's why he kicks Alicent from the council - he can't be around her because she makes him feel vunerable and when he is in the council room he can't afford that. He'd rather convince himself the other person is weak/useless etc, then actually admit it's him who is the problem.

Again... look how he talks about Alicent and Helaena when they deny him, he calls both of them weak.

I legitmately think the Balcony scene is the perfect example of what you're asking about. Aemond does trust Helaena, and he does know she cares. He even thinks she won't hurt him. I mean she is the only one who HASN'T abandoned him. Look at how he approaches her, he is gentle and unknowingly manipulative. And when he feels those feelings become too much, the fear, abandonment, vunerablity etc, when he is rectifying with his own guilt the fact that he might have pushed away the last person who he had- he is literally about to cry. He didn't cry over the Madame that's for damn sure. He just gets up and leaves?

But Aemond doesn't leave at all. She denies him help over and over again, denies him validation and calls him out, and instead of walking away, he stays and threatens her in the hopes she'll give in. He is trying to maintain power over her, even though he knows he is completely powerless. That he can't do anything to stop her from walking away.

That is exactly what it would be like if he knew someone truly cared/loved him. He would be distant to maintain control most of the time, he would probably seek out alot of validation, he'd likely be gentle to some extent/ want to gain their approval - but once he has all those things, it would be an endless back and forth cycle and when he feels them pull away he would crumble and try to manipulate them back. And if they didn't give in, he would probably go back to threatening or abusing, just like with Helaena and Alicent.

Dont ask why but I know ALOT about attachment issues/personality disorders. He reminds me of a former narcissist I had a thing with, whom also had a raging avoidant attachment style.

BPD? Probably.

Now if we were to diagnose Aemond, I'd go down the bpd with narcissistic/anti social tendencies line of thought. Insert this tweet I found the other day:

There is really no fixing Aemond, the closer you are to him to more likely he would fuck you up basically. Because think about it? If he can be legitmately vunerable with you, if he ACTUALLY cares/loves you? There is a greater risk involved for him. It's harder for him to just up and leave when he needs to.

I mean we see him LITERALLY stay even after Helaena walks away. And then we see how he has another one of those shut down moments, his tear dries up, and he gets them cluster b shark eyes, like he did in the brothel.

Ewan Mitchell is unknowingly giving one of the most intensive, exaggerated yet nuanced depictions of a SERIOUSLY dysfunctional cluster B mf. Forget American Psycho or Girl Interrupted - Aemond Targaryen

And by the way, when I talk about this- just know I have alot of bpd friends, so I've had personal experience with them and they are some of the most deeply loving, insightful people I've ever met. All of them are trying their best to heal, which most borderlines really do try and want to get better. I also speak from a place of similar attachment issues and trauma - and believe me, my ass don't behave like Aemond at all. So I always speak with the knowledge that, I'm talking about fictional characters and not real people. And fiction is always exaggerated.

99% of people with bpd or dysfunctional attachement styles dont have narcissistic or anti social tendencies to the extremity Aemond does. It's a TV show, and Aemond is more comparable to the cluster B' s who are fascist leaders/cult leaders/serial killers/criminals etc then your average sufferer. So that's important to note.

I'm applying real world ideas to fictional characters to get a better understanding of how they tick. Aemond was written basically as a sociopath in the book. That's why I stress that his relationship with Alys is NOT a good one.

But in the show, the writers have 'humanised' Aemond which is code for "let's make his eventual villainy rooted in deep familial trauma and neglect, but also make it so he is capable of love, care - etc" So basically you've given him untreated, festering BPD which as a result of the fact he is male, a Prince and a rides Vhagar: he develops narcissistic tendencies as a result of a superiority complex compounding with the fact he can only get validation when he achieves things/ feels powerful when others feel inferior ON TOP OF THAT in s2, the lack of familial support/abandonment is installing an even deeper lack for empathy for those he views below him. He is also validated by Targaryen supremacy and subscribes to the idea that he is more deserving and entitled to power and a Targaryen legacy. He thinks being vunerable is a weakness because thats what he is taught. He thinks you get power via violence. Thus why he idolises Daemon who is his parallel.

Daemon also might be a tad bit cluster B. But, significantly less. He probably falls more into the line of general male fuckery and an unhealthy attachment style.

Aemond is sort of leaning into the Anakin/Scarlet Witch line of psychology more so then the typical American Psycho or Joker or Ramasy Bolton, Joffery Lannister etc etc; chaos for chaos sake.

In fact I think Aemond's greatest parallel isn't Daemon - it's Visenya Targaryen. Which is no doubt WHY Vhagar chose him. And Visenya too devolves into a total state of genocidal mania too. Probably why Jace told Rhaenyra not to idolise her.

Visenya was extremely stern, powerful, dutiful and most importantly: believed DEEPLY in Targaryen supremacy and loved her siblings fiercely. She was basically the one who got shit done, who was the driving force of the conquest and was able to whip Aegon into shape. She didn't fuck around, and she didn't like being fucked around. She even pulled a knife out on Aegon to prove his guards were slow and shit - thus establishing the King's Guard.

But she devolves into chaos and rage after Rhaenys dies and ESPECIALLY when it's Rhaneys' son who is Aegons heir not Mageor - WHOM ALSO IS A PARALLEL TO AEMOND.

But we won't get into that.

DOES HE HAVE WOMAN PROBLEMS? PROBABLY.

So basically as I said, Aemond has woman issues. Not just mummy issues. He has WOMAN ISSUES.

Number one he is a teenage boy. He wouldn't be some daddy dom sex god. Espeically since he has zero experience outside of the Madame where... it seems like he just cuddles with her.

As Ewan said, Aemond finds substitutes for the love he couldn't find in his mother/family. Ultimately, no matter what - that's what he is after. He wants the love of his family. And so any outside source he gets it from is disposable, because it's a substitute- because it will never not be a power dynamic for Aemond. He is the most powerful mother fucker in Westeros. He literally tried to kill the KING and didn't get in trouble for it. He wants to be in control of the world around him, he wants to as Ewan said 'Be the Daddy' of his family. He wants to make THEM rely on HIM.

And isn't that funny? Isn't that funny... how desperately Aemond wants the throne, how he'd sacrifice anything for that power. Why do you think that is? Because it means his family has to answer to him. They can't ignore him, can't invalidate him, and they can't deny him love/respect. He'd have total power over the people he feels powerless against.

And look at what happens when Helaena for example denies him, she's the Queen and Alicent reminds him of this. That she doesn't BOW to Aemond. And it shows, it shows because he begs her to help him, because he knows he holds no power over Helaena.

In a weird way, his desire for the throne is the closest he can get to being a baby. Baby's hold a lot of power over those around them. And being King well? Basically everyone does everything for you. You can have what you want, you can do what you want and everyoneeee HAS to love/adore/admire you or its treason.

Think about how valuable that is for a man like Aemond, who wants that comfort, that adoration. He was literally being held by the Madame like he was JESUS.

I think Ewan is right in saying, Aemond doesn't have 'mommy issues' - as I'm watching him, I don't think he wants to submit to woman or be dominated by them. I think the whole coddling/adoration etc IS his version of dominating them.

It's his version of power. Of having a mother dote over you. It's not a humiliation thing, Aemond doesn't want to be humiliated or made to feel inferior or at the mercy of anyone ESPEICALLY NOT A WOMAN. (Again look at what he does to Alicent and Helaena. He legit tells his own mum to go back into the kitchen.)

He wants a woman to make him feel special and validated. To not see any wrong in him or make him feel othered. And even the Madame does this, she validates him by TELLING HIM THE BLACKS SHOULD BE SCARED OF HIM. And that he isn't a boy anymore, he is a man.

It's alot more trauma based and psychosexual then some pornified kink. He isn't really getting off on it. And we see that because when she goes to kiss him, HE PUSHES HER AWAY. If he wanted to be dominated then he'd let her do what she wanted?

It's very specific to show that. He is in control. Again, he isn't taking comfort in the fact he can feel like a helpless little boy. He is being comforted because he feels empowered.

And I think ultimately that dynamic would play out in what you're asking. That genuine love/care you felt for him would be weaponised into him basically siphoning validation from it. It would be a very.... transactional thing, why? Because that's all he knows. His whole life has been transactional. He's been taught that love IS conditional and love IS synonymous with power.

He is looking at Aegon and thinking??? Look at how much attention he gets from Alicent? It's not because Aegon is more worthy of being King, it's because Aegon has power? Aegon has been given everything already just for being born first.

I think Helaena files into that. He WISHED Alicent had given him Helaena as a wife. Why? So he could prove himself worthy. So he could outsource all the love/validation he could from being given that power.

And what is that? Well Aemond tells us as a kid, 'To keep the Valyrian bloodline pure'. Which is what? Power. That's a big reason why Targs marry each other politically is to reinforce power. Had Aemond married Helaena, that would grant him power. Not only from the fact he's basically been provided a wife the point of heirs/politics - but it also because a wife is supposed to love and be dutiful to her husband. A wife is supposed to tend to her husband, even over her children, her duty is to HIM.

So in conclusion - I don't think anything could truly replace that for Aemond.

But I think the fact he views Helaena and Alicent as equals to him, makes it worse. In a weird way as a woman, the more he cares/loves/views you as an equal- the more likely he is to lash out against you because you have the power to hurt him.

He has to actively PUT DOWN his mother, when speaking to Helaena. He literally mentioned that ALICENT IS NOT LIKE US, SHE DOESN'T GET IT. In order to distance himself further from her, and distance himself from the pain of being abandoned by her.

IN CONCLUSION

Can you fix Aemond? No.

Would he become better just if he was shown love/care? No.

Is he capable of love/care. Yes.

Is there a chance at a healthy relationship with him? No. Not without him going to therapy which doesn't exist in Westeros.

Would he be a nightmare? Undoubtedly.

And remember there is a big different between not being capable of feeling love and care VS being capable of it and only being able to express it unhealithly because that's your experience with it.

It's a really tricky thing, because we are taught that abusive people and ABUSIVE MEN in particular are basically psychopaths. And absolutely, they are a section in the vast range of abusers.

But the nuance and unfortunate truth to abusive relationships and why in particular they are so dangerous and AEMOND would be so dangerous - is because many abusers aren't psychopaths. They aren't innately evil or want to hurt you sadistically at least.

Alot of abusive people, are simply reliving their familial trauma. When love/vunerablity/care become weapons, become points of abuse - you don't know any better. And you view them as weaknesses. Because well? They are. They risk you being hurt, you being traumatised. Or for Aemond 'being that scared little boy again'.

So the unfortunate reality is, the closer you get to Aemond in terms of genuine love/care the darker it becomes. Because it would become a source of pain for him - which would trigger all the nasty things we see him do to Alicent and Helaena.

The only way THE ONLY way you could bypass it, is if you basically lost all sense of self and completely submitted to whatever he wanted. As long as you validated him in some way, or comforted him in some way - then it might work. But i don't think that would mean he would turn into a loving and warm man. I think the extent of how gentle he would be is how he is with Alicent and Helaena. And notices how quickly that switch is flipped and how easily he pushes them away when he feels he is getting too close.

And it's not like you could talk to him about it, it's not like you could point that out and say - because he'd view that as you challenging him, making him feel less then, small, inferior, bad, unworthy.

Again... cough cough. Helaena and Alicent? When they call him out for him burning the village and trying to kill Aegon? What does he do? He gets ANGRY. He pushes them away further. He even outrightly LIES to Helaena. Like poing BLANK LIES and tries to accuse her of treason.

Yall see? There would be no winning. If you did everything he wanted, and he loved/cared about you the relationship would still not be loving or warm or fulfilling because he is scared of his own vunerablity in it.

And if you tried to fix it or God forbid had your own desires/free will - he'd threaten you and feel abandoned and do what's called 'spiltting'.

He is black or white. He doesn't know the grey scale. He can temper himself only to the point and only when it benefits him, just so he can strike later. He is calculating. He didn't flip out on Aegon at the brothel. He waited and when he had an opportunity, he took it. Aegon was dead to him already.

So you'd be walking on egg shells. Your best bet if you wanted him to be soft and vunerable with you, is to be the Madame. Meaning he don't give a fuck about you and you'd have no say at all about what actually happens to you. And he holds all the power via money.

But this is just my analysis based on his character SO FAR. It might change as the seasons change because... lord knows his characterisation has been all over the place as everyone's have.

[theposhperyton]

if you have the time could you tell me literally everything you know about isfd?

I found your blog through the one piece posts and now need to learn anything I can about this obscure fandom

An ISFD ask from someone who isn't already lost in the sauce? (<-Self call-out) O glorious day!

Gosh, there's so much, I don't really know where to start. I've been following this micro-fandom for YEARS now, and it's one of those things that just keeps on giving. The amount of lost/missing content and the frickin nuked forum (I'm a survivor, baebee!!) really does sometimes make it feel like the universe is trying to wipe us out, but hey. ISFD fans are basically cockroaches. Killable in theory, but surprisingly hearty in an actual life or death of a fandom scenario.

As for the actual content of ISFD that I engage in, I'm a rare(?) case where I kinda dabble in everything. I can confidently say I'm a member of the ** original ** gen of fans, so I've been around for the noteable eras, and have obsessed over every major character group at one time or another, as well as some niche characters (Cyan and his 2 other fans, rise up 🔥🔥)

I gotta say though, I am currently obsessed with the mafia portion of the universe (and, tbh, by extension, the Marama family. They are to me what the Kardashians are to some)

In particular, Phillip Varic has been my consistent blorbo since last September. It is not an exaggeration to say I've averaged about 40 drawings of him a month since then (my friends and I have counted. I should be on my strange addiction at this point, tbh. Or seeking other professional insight)

Here's some of the doodles in question! I am not terribly good at finishing art of him, I just sketch him loosely and rotate him rapidly in my head

I just think he's so neat. And I think his stupid, codependant, and mildly dysfunctional mafia found-family are so neat. And I think his husband (seraphine) and wife (abram) are so neat. And all his kids, both the legal kids and the ones whom he mostly just pays college tuition for, they're neat to. And the echos of Magnolia throughout his life and the larger narrative, even decades later. That's also very neat (my heart doesn't hurt at all!)

I realize I kinda derailed from answering your original ask because the mafia brainrot is debilitating and chronic, but I'm not entirely sure how I'd go about answering it anyway because there is just. So, so much world and lore to glean from ISFD, and none of it in any easy or direct way. Honestly though? The mafia might not be a bad place to start? If you want, I can tell you as much as I know about the cast and dynamics of the mafia, because I feel like a lot of the mafia character's lore and backgrounds act as a good segway to other noteable aspects of the larger ISFD narratives and the in-world political climate as a whole (Especially Mask and Howard. Not to single those poor souls out, but genuinely. How are they both gonna be so afflicted by the narrative like that)

If you're still interested after I practically talked your ear off, I could totally make a larger post about the whole mafia :3 They're my special blorbos ❤️ I would not feel safe around them IRL, but trapped within the confines of fiction, they're all free for me to babygirlify with almost no consequences

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

[kyouka-supremacy]

i wanna hear your thoughts about black lizard <3

S U R E. I love the Black Lizards so much, in my mind they really are the closest to family the pm has. You have these two very dysfunctional traumatized kids made of:

Gin we don't know much about except that they grew up in the mafia and have a brother who literally doesn't know how to express any emotion that isn't raw primordial rage

Tachihara who like. Where do I even start, since childhood had major younger sibling complex™ that evolved into trauma when said brother died in war making him also develop major revenge complex™, was dysfunctional to the point of becoming a thug to cope with his complexes, got caught and recluted by the fucking police that on top of likely body modifications assigned him to be a spy at (makes some very quick calculations) 16, apparently, to the major criminal and most dangerous organization of Yokohama

They both found themselves working in the mafia under pretty similar circumstances, two (by the looks of it) non ability users yet nonetheless exceptionally skilled mafiosi which allowed them to climb the ranks of the pm pretty quickly. Their similar positions and complementary skills made them perfect fit to take part of an accurately schemed, all-comprehensive team that could carry out both long range attacks (Tachihara) and close range assassinations (Gin), accompanied by someone who could fill in anything the other two missed– a pm veteran, powerful ability user with enough experience to handle any escalation, and also pass on his experience to train the next generation of pm high ranks. That's how the Black Lizard was born, a team set up with clinical precision, the perfect cold expression of what the pm is like under Mori. But it was never accounted to be a family! In fact, it probably started off on a rocky start, because what else would you expect by putting together two teens - let's say the Black Lizard was formed about three years after Tachihara joined the pm and one year before the current events, so when both Gin and Tachihara were 18 - who their entire lives never experienced a single interpersonal interaction that wasn't conflictual. Still, somewhat held back from exploding into extreme conflictual outburst by their intimidating senior (who very conveniently is also proficient in handling dysfunctional teens), Gin and Tachihara kind of… Start getting each other. Or at least, start thinking they do. And soon enough their shared experiences and feelings bring them closer than they ever felt with anyone else. Because they're both like, this guy gets it!! They get what it feels like having an older brother that is so distant from you you can't seem to connect with in anyway. They get what it means having to toughen up so to not give any chance to the world to hurt you, what it feels like to hide your soft core. Even despite neither of them being aware of the other's secret identity, that's another thing they have in common and probably got them even closer. I've talked about it before but to me Gin and Tachihara became to each other the brother they always wanted but never had- someone you could take jabs with, share inside jokes, playfully send death threats to - overall, just the warm, genuine and fun feeling of siblinghood compared to the stiff and distant relationship with their older brothers that has hurt them a lot in the past (about that, at this point I truly fail to interpret the Black Lizard scene in chapter 5 any other way. “You're two minutes late” “Creepy ol' Gin's even later than me” “Ever the freak, ain'cha” “Enough, you imbeciles! Or would you prefer to be listed among the casualties?”: in no world the whole conversation between the three of them doesn't sound family-like. I can swear to you the Gin / Tachihara interaction is just the average siblings experience.)

They're so family!!!! They're so family, they make me cry. Chaotic siblings and their exasperated grandpa who loves them very much. The father figure neither of them ever had!! (I mean, Gin never had. Tachihara we can't exactly say, but if anything the little flashback of his family in chapter 73 doesn't look good). I think so much about Hirotsu and Gin specifically, Hirotsu taking Gin under his wing, Gin genuinely holding affection towards him to the point she'd even show herself more vulnerable to him and sincerely treat him as a father; in my headcanon, Hirotsu is the only person in the pm and thus the entirety of Yokohama to know Gin is a girl other than Ryuunosuke, Mori and Kouyou (and Verlaine? How are they related again?).

Idk, in my mind deep deep down Gin is a little more hopeful (or naïve, depends on how you want to see it) compared to Ryuunosuke; not that she trusts people (she doesn't), but she does believe some, very little people can actually be… Good, and well intentioned, which is a low standard but still better than Ryuunosuke believing all people are fundamentally always selfishly fighting for survival and the sorts (actually, I think Ryuunosuke is the exact reason Gin doesn't believe that, because knowing him taught her that even the most ruthless, heartless of people can still hold affection and dedication– and I'm talking about his devotion and utter love for her).

I digress, but you see how they're really this little family. They'd go on family trips and have card games and stay late at night to work on their plan for their next mission and Hirotsu would narrate exaggerated gangster stories to a Tachihara with sparkling eyes and Tachihara would make sure to cook for everyone and make a little more for Ryuunosuke too because one night Gin confessed to him she worries about how little he eats. They're family.

Except they're not. except Gin has her secrets and Tachihara has his secrets and Hirotsu has his secrets nobody can share with the others. And Gin and Tachihara are young and passionate and living the moment, are happy and satisfied with how their lives are now, whereas Hirotsu is highly perceptive and thanks to his sixth sense given from being a pm veteran he can read the signs and he just… Knows something's up with all of them, knows the good times won't last much longer; and yet can't bring himself to voice it because he loves his new subordinates / kids too much and really can't ruin their fleeting happiness, the first time in their lives they feel, more or less consciously, like they finally found a place for them. So it's all so bittersweet and tragic, you see what I mean???

Btw, Gin really doesn't have the slightest idea that Tachihara is a spy. Like, even worse than that, when she'll found out she'll first go through severe denial. She's going to hate him for that, like she never hated anyone before. And Tachihara is going to be so obviously heartbroken!! And it's so sad, because both of them are doomed to lose the closest brothers they ever had– in Tachihara's case, for the second time. It's so tragic.

Chapter 77… Man, chapter 77. Black Lizard is THE pm family, seriously. Just- I don't even know how to describe it: the warm and domestic and familiar feeling to the scene, the image of a family coming together again after having surpassed an hard time, Gin with her guard completely down and so serene, comfortable, ecstatic from the relief that despite all that happened all of them are safe and sound, and nothing else matters. The way Gin and Hirotsu cackle when Tachihara asks them if he's suited for the mafia. For Gin, the idea he isn't is absurd, insane– that's how Tachihara has always been, her mafioso coworker, her partner, friend, brother. For Hirotsu, it's the confirmation of that something is off he's already sensed so many other times; yet, he wants to reassure Tachihara, like a father would do to his son; he wants to keep the family together a little longer, as long as possible, cherish those last little serene moments where they can still be a family. And it's such a gentle, heartbreaking scene, the bittersweet knowledge that Tachihara knows that's the last time the Black Lizard can still be a family, Hirotsu who probably took a good guess on that, Gin being completely oblivious to it. How the image of the wounded bodies of Gin and Hirotsu - his wounds - is going to hunt Tachihara forever. I just love the Black Lizard so much!!! The tragic family who was brought together for one year which is alos probably going to be the only year of happiness the three of them will experience their entire lives which will change all of them profoundly to the point no one will ever be the same after breaking apart really does it for me (╥���╥)

[princesssmars]

i love your shiv nsfw fic!!! you're so good at writing them, could you write another shiv roy x female reader smut fic? it's so hard finding them these days

no strings

a shiv roy x reader.

your time studying abroad is nearly over, and you luck out with a job working for a luxury boating service. this summer the billionaire roy family is vacationing, and the youngest daughter gives you an exciting proposal.

wc : 1.391

contains : fluff. semi angst. smut. talks of fxfxm threesome. exhibitionism : tom watches you and shiv go at it. oral and penetrative sex (receiving).

a/n : anon why did i literally have a dream with tom and shiv the night you sent this...and you are so right why is the shiv tag so dead omg i came a year after the show ended thinking i’d be fed 💔 also thanks for saying i’m good every time i write smut i laugh bc i’m a big baby.

when you signed up for a summer job, you sure as hell weren't expecting this.

at least you had the excuse of this not being a very croatian or italian custom. coming here to study was something you did on a whim, and wouldnt be the first time you made a crazy decision just because, you still had flashbacks to the time you skinny dipped with people who you had just met at a bar an hour earlier.

thankfully over the years your exploring ways had toned down to a reasonable amount. after all, you couldnt be a luxury stewardess who was always getting in to trouble. the clients did insane background checks, seriously, one old bastard asked what it was like going to such an average kindergarten.

but for now, it was fine. it paid well, you only had to serve rich pricks for a few days at a time, and it was helping pay off your student loans. plus if you bat your eyes at the right people you got a considerable tip.

your coworker and friend, petra, suggested you do a little more for some extra money, but you shrugged it off with a laugh each time. the last thing you wanted was to have some crazy millionaire getting too attached to you and causing trouble in your normal life.

but your final semester has ended, you’ve made plans to move back home to jersey at the end of the summer, and that only leaves you with a few more jobs until you’re done with this job. you tried, you really really tried to keep your wits about you, but one of the clients is contacting you before the family lands to the boat with an offer.

a threesome. with her and her husband. no strings attached.

the service you worked for normally declined telling you the names of who your team will be working for, even going as far as to lock your phones on the boats to make sure you weren’t posting them during their private time.

but even you, now living halfway across the world, knew about this family. the roys, owners of one of the biggest media conglomerates of the past era. it was hard not to see reports in the morning from atn news, or the insane amount of advertising you’d see about their international mediterranean cruises.

(well, after their recent scandal about sexual misconduct in the fucking senate, you had a feeling you wouldn’t be seeing too many ads anymore.)

you were sure it was the daughter of the family calling you, recognizing her voice over the phone and being confirmed when she met up with you before she got on the boat. she was gorgeous and a little scary, enjoying the scent of her perfume when she slides the nda over to you to sign.

it was exciting, working on the boat and seeing her eyes occasionally trailing your figure. maybe it would’ve been more enticing if every time her husband looked at you he didn’t look like one of those hanging cat posters. shame, he was cute.

you’re cleaning up one of the tables after the family had eaten a crazy short dinner. you’re still reeling after witnessing how dysfunctional these people were when your phone buzzes on your pocket, courtesy of shiv pulling a few strings. the text from her is just her cabin number and a time that’s ten minutes ahead. short and to the point.

when you knock on the door you can hear a conversation on the other side come to halt, fast footsteps coming to the door before yanking it open. you’d seen her earlier in the day but got did shiv look gorgeous, ginger hair framing her face as the soft lighting of the room illuminated her bare shoulders.

she’s smiling at you, all sickly sweet as she leads you into the room before locking the door behind you, telling you to just sit on the bed. the bed is large and soft, and your mind wanders about how these people can have whole hotel rooms on the ocean and still be so unhappy when a throat clearing knocks you out of your thoughts, the husband sitting in a chair across the bed to your left. he gives a little smile and a wave and you do it back.

“this is tom. he’s just gonna watch us for a while, ok?” she checks in with you, crossing her legs as she sits next to you, softly moving your hair behind your shoulder. you nod. “good. tel us if you don’t like something.”

you try to nod again but her palm is on your cheek and bringing your face to hers, soft lips kissing you like she’s starving. her tounge is in your mouth, and when you try to move your body to sit on her lap she’s pushing you back, resting your back on the bed. you can faintly hear the fabric of tom’s clothes as he moves on his seat.

she urges your pants down your legs, barely waiting for you to kick off your shoes before she’s rubbing you through your panties, biting and nipping at the skin of your neck as you left out small moans into the air.

“sure you don’t wanna touch her, tom? she’s so soft, so pretty.” she licks a line up your throat and to your mouth, swallowing your moan in her mouth. her husband doesn’t reply and you don’t dwell on it for long. you’ve heard of exhibitionists before, looks like her husband is one of them.

you bite her bottom lip and revel in the groan you feel in her mouth and chest, your own muffled noise escaping when she stuffs a finger inside you. she’s using her thumb to rub at your clip while she thrusts, pulling away from the kiss to look at your face.

it feels good but it’s not enough, which you make clear when you beg her under your breath to give you more of anything. thankfully she doesn’t seem to be in a teasing mood, not thanking any time to push her second finger inside of you.

“oh, fuck-“ your leg kicks out and you fist the sheets as you focus on the pleasure. it’s clear she’s done this before, skilled in the way she hits your g spot at just the right angle and rubs your clit. her head turns to likely look at her husband, while yours flops on the bedsheets.

you’re so distracted you don’t notice them having a small chat, mind on cloud nine. you do notice when she dips her head to kiss your chest that’s exposed after she unbuttoned your shirt, then dips lower, and lower, and lower-

when you feel her mouth circle your clit in your mouth you let out an airy moan, feeling the ball in the pit of your stomach grow. she eats you out just like she kisses you, sloppier than you expected for someone that’s looks as polished as she does. her hands are squishing the fat of your thighs, and when she shakes her head from side to side in your pussy you cum, trying to soundproof your moans into your arms as the other clutches at her head.

she helps ease you down from your high, placing kisses on your clit and your thighs and even cleaning you up with her mouth as you let out fast shaky breaths. you’re given maybe a few minutes of relaxation before she’s tugging your pants back up, buttoning up your shirt before giving a quick pat to the top of your thigh.

“that was fun, huh?”

you laugh, nodding your head since you can’t find the words. you push yourself up on your arms, staring up at the woman above you as she smiles down at you. your eyes drift to her husband who’s still sitting on the armchair, face flushed and taking in quick breaths like he’s the one who just got fucked instead of you.

“yeah, yeah it was fun.”

you collect yourself, fixing up your hair in the mirror on the wall as shiv leads you to the door.

“saw in your file you’re from jersey. maybe we’ll call you sometime once all this shit blows over, yeah?”

this summer couldn’t end fast enough.

[collymore]

The Windsors: self-evidently far more tedious than even mildly interesting!

By Stanley Collymore

The British monarchy is essentially built on lies, and what you're now currently, and equally laughably, experiencing is, just actually, yet another one that's quite generally, added to their infernal list of very, numerous untruths! However, even so, discernibly evidently genuinely intelligent people, who really do simply, customarily lead productive lives and furthermore can and actually do automatically think for themselves,   obviously, simply don't care about this highly immoral; manifestly mercenary and basically discernibly self-entitled, incestuously inbred, and undoubtedly quite thoroughly dysfunctional family of grifters unashamedly living off the quite numerous poor and specifically also, the able bodied taxpayers alike!

And if this bunch of obviously vile and very malevolently egregious, quite evil assemblage of deeply ingrained exploiters of others want, in any meaningful way to really start redeeming themselves, they should simply begin by sharing their literally massively accrued amounts of patently stolen wealth, with those, whom they've taken it from, as a starter. And while earnestly embarking on this venture, simply unquestionably distinctively move on significantly and constructively, in the really worthwhile endeavour of actually creating, and as well simply and subsequently actually sustaining truly meaningful lives both individually and generally collectively: totally significantly, and very crucially financially independently, specifically   obviously for themselves! Rather like the average man and woman, who're   perceived, rather contemptuously, by these "royals" as actually inalienable inferior commoners; unquestionably as well as obligatorily effectively do!

(C) Stanley V. Collymore 17 March 2024.

Author's Remarks: Here's another Barbadian - literally Bajan to ourselves, and similarly our quite distinctly trusted and very respected friends - and as well, simply customary judicious saying to actually get your heads around: "The more self- evidently stupid that people basically are, the more ill-advisedly such individuals simply like to ludicrously think and equally also actually staunchly believe that they're far cleverer than everyone else!"

An analogy which basically couldn't be any more apt in such circumstances than with  the very Saxe-Coburg-Gothe-Mountbatten-Windsor mafia Klan family; their obviously vile and very malignantly egregious coterie of palace flunkies in conjunction basically with the bought and paid for British media grifters along with the surfeit of obviously dimwitted, rather intellectually challenged, thoroughly gullible and actually discernibly, utterly compliant, feudal mindset, crucially serf morons that unquestionably are quite incapable of ever thinking for themselves; the pathetic and cretinous lemmings, who instinctively, and even to their own evident detriment, very willingly do their perceived societal betters every bidding!

[starry-skies-116]

What Is Executive Dysfunction?:

I’m writing this as I have one of the worst executive dysfunction episodes of my life- but I’ve barely enough to get by, thankfully. This is probably going to become a partially ‘ADHD and neurodivergent discussion blog based off of my own experiences dealing with my condition’ because, hey, who can blame me? I’m going into Junior Year of High School, which is exclusively neurotypical and allocishet friendly.

And I’m scared. As hell. And I NEED somewhere to dump my thoughts, so I can FINALLY talk to my school counselor and teachers, and try my damned best to advocate for myself after FINALLY being able to somewhat articulate my condition and slap a label on the suffering that has literally ruined my life at certain points and alienated me from my peers and elders for SO. LONG.

Living in a primarily conservative and traditionalist Indian community that is heavily and tragically uneducated on neurodivergency and having literally everyone around me dismiss my condition as ‘being lazy or unfocused’ is already hard enough as it is. Asian customs of ‘saving face’ ‘honor’ and ‘filial piety’ apply to my region in addition to internalized ableism, humility and queerphobia, and the ‘clan/family’ from which my family is descended from, and though it is common throughout ALL of India and other asian countries, I find it to be more common in South Asia, a coincidentally VERY educationally competitive country and VERY unhealthy environment for even neurotypical students. Everything you do there is literally a test of intelligence, as well as executive function and abled-ness.

Therefore, in my family, school and community, literally all symptoms of neurodivergency are overlooked and dismissed as ‘being lazy and distracted’. And it is mostly because of this that I know not of whether my cousins, parents or other relatives are neurodivergent.

DISCLAIMER, THOUGH: Neurotypical people can also have executive functioning issues from time to time in their daily life, too! It is just that for me, as well as others out there with ADHD, it is frequent and exacerbated by our differing brain structures: it is progress-hindering and literally ruins your life at some points in your life (*cough* middle school for me *cough*).

So, you’ve read the title- what is Executive Dysfunction? Well, to understand that, one must understand executive function and the purpose it serves in functional, typical human beings.

Executive functions are primarily a set of inherent mental skills and cognitive functions present in a typical, average human being (take a healthy human adult as a control group). The eight primary skills present in a human being with working Executive functions are:

Impulse Control, the ability to stop and think before acting (not related to risk assessment in my case).

Self-Monitoring, the ability to view and evaluate oneself (I don’t truly have trouble with this sometimes due to my high self-awareness, yet that is only on VERY few levels).

Emotional Control, the ability to manage emotions to achieve goals and complete tasks (still have EXTREME trouble with this).

Flexibility, the ability to adapt to changing conditions by revising plans or changing strategies (doesn’t come naturally to me due to my shit memory).

Task Initiation, the ability to start and finish tasks without procrastinating upon said tasks (MAJOR problem there, darling- broken dopamine receptors paired with a lack of this has literally RUINED my life on MULTIPLE occasions).

Organization, the ability to develop and use systems to keep track of materials and information (do you wish for an administrative role if you have no problem with this? Then do so).

Working Memory, the ability to use information held in memory to complete a task (NOT to be confused with pattern recognition/sensitivity or conceptual learning from past experience- at least in my case).

Planning and Time Management, the ability to create specific steps to reach a goal (my parents ALWAYS scold me on ‘not planning properly’ all the damn time. This specific function is not impaired, its just that I do things differently in an unorthodox method and order- ‘my way’ if you will).

These functions are all subsumed and regulated by an essential anterior section of the brain known as the frontal lobe. It is through the existence of Executive Functions that the frontal lobe regulates human activities such as consciousness, memory, decision-making, memory, attention, among other roles.

Sound familiar to anyone afflicted with ADHD? It should. What the frontal lobe regulates are the things we struggle with every day: one of the prominent symptoms is our executive function being severely and horribly impaired. Executive Dysfunction, while also showing up in people afflicted with depression, dementia and traumatic brain injuries, primarily shows up in people with Autism or ADHD.

It’s why we feel so goddamn exhausted and burnt out all the time despite having done nothing. It’s why we place something down- the next moment, it’s inexplicably gone from existence and we lose it forever. It’s why what are simple, easy tasks to neurotypicals are actually so hard for neurodivergents. It’s why, even with all the time in the world, we still feel as though there’s not enough because no matter how hard we try, we cannot will ourselves to do things that neurotypical people can patiently slog through so easily. 

It’s why we react faster than we think. It’s why we’re depressed when understimulated and harrowingly anxious when overstimulated- again, broken dopamine receptors; we need tasks and activities that kickstart the production of dopamine. It’s why we can’t process unclear instructions or initiate tasks ourselves, or even pinpoint consequences that should happen instead of a whole pile of possible things that could go wrong.

It’s also why we either have trouble creating routines and planning for difficult busywork, or even feel devastated when our routines somehow are broken by external factors. It’s why we have trouble being aware of social cues or evaluating ourselves. It’s one of the many, many, MANY reasons why we’re called ‘lazy’ or ‘distracted’ or ‘oversensitive’.

It’s why we have to mentally rehearse conversations, meetings and phone calls. It’s why we’re more susceptible to trauma, gaslighting, abuse and manipulation. It’s why adults with ADHD are invalidated and infantilized. It’s why it escalates to the point, if gone untreated, where neurodivergents begin to question their judgement and sanity to the point where they can’t even trust themselves (speaking from past experiences here).

Not having what should be a basic skill and right is damning and pathetic and eternally condemning for us, and neurotypicals with intact executive functioning don’t even realize it.

I searched a long time for the proper term to describe my near-constant exhaustion, struggles with object impermanence and the sheer mental exhaustion that came with ADHD upon trying to live up to neurotypical standards every day before I found this term. Was it depression? Anxiety? Maybe another obscure mental condition I hadn’t heard about?

Turns out depression and anxiety were offshoots of my initial untreated condition, although they have significantly calmed down and became only mild as of now (thanks to masking, some therapy sessions and scolding from my parents that medicine was expensive and that I was ‘living my life wrong’).

So, reminder: If you are experiencing Executive Dysfunction, or if you have ADHD or are neurodivergent in any way… hang in there. Like all things good and bad, this too shall eventually pass, even if not fully. Even with your condition, you’re doing your best, and no one has the right to hold you to neurotypical standards or tell you that you’re just ‘lazy’ or ‘scatterbrained’. 

You’re doing spectacularly, the best that you can, and I’m SO proud of you.

Walk this world with that same pride, alright? There will always be someone out there who believes in you, and I choose to be that person.

[viviraptor]

What really is twisted wonderland? I get the idea that it’s like that Disney dependents thing but people actually care about it. What’s the bare bones ass elevator pitch? Also go off about that idia guy his brother looks cool

YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE MY FRIEND LET'S GO ALSO SORRY THIS TOOK LIKE 2 HOURS ADHD MOMENT

so in essence twisted wonderland goes along the lines of your average gacha game packed with pretty anime guys, except this time all of the anime guys are inspired by famous disney villains. i say "inspired" to contrast it with descendants or any sort of gen/derband or au situation. in this universe all of the disney villains did exist and are considered legends, and the characters in the game are sort of following in their footsteps and unintentionally repeating history.

of course this means that most of the characters start off flawed, dysfunctional, and just generally have Issues. but that's the appeal i think, because despite their problems every character is sympathetic and likeable in their own way. and in the main story, as soon as a character's "villain of the week" moment is up, they eventually get to team up with the nameless protag and be the good guy for a change. there's no focus on romance either, which i think is a good thing in this case because some really good banter comes from the characters just treating each other like friends/enemies/rivals/what have you. also the protag is gender-neutral, which is always cool.

and as a fan of very obscure disney media and trivia, twst absolutely does NOT skimp on the little references and callbacks to the movies. of course there are the surface-level quotes, but there are also some incredibly deep cuts that only obscure disney freaks such as i will ever pick up on. not to mention there are hidden mickeys in every single background cg and full character art. disney japan does not fuck around.

tl:dr, if you want a story about multidimensional, inherently flawed characters that develop over time, you'll like twst. if you want a game with fun writing and banter, you'll like twst. if you're a fan of disney and want an interesting modern take on the villains, you'll like twst. even if the gameplay isn't your thing, i'd still recommend just reading through the story and getting a load of all the great characters. i literally transcript story chapters and post them on the fandom wiki for that exact reason.

okay that's enough of that let's talk about idia the man whom i love. um i'll keep this sorta short for now because i've wrote enough already aha. but please ask me to elaborate later because i will.

he absolutely checks all my boxes as a character i'd fall head over heels for. introverted loner, check. relatable social anxiety, check. emo with a depressing backstory, check. has a soft spot for his loved ones, check. protective and caring big brother, check. gamer geek check funny check likes cats check etc etc et al. the english version of the game changed my life because they gave him so much funny dialogue and made him reference some very very recent memes (based, f in the chat, galaxy brain, cringe, etc) and i love it so much. i want to meet the person who translated his lines and shake their hand and give them all my money.

i will talk about his brother ortho too. not to get too spoilery but ortho is a ai robot that idia built when he was a bit younger after some. tragic family events. ortho is the complete opposite of idia in terms of personality and outlook, he's very positive and curious and childish. they compliment each other in many ways and want the best for each other and it's just a great sibling relationship. idia essentially gave ortho life, but in turn ortho encourages idia to step out of his comfort zone and have nice experiences. so who, then, is really giving life to who?

okay now i need to stop talking it's midnight. um please feel free to ask me to elaborate on anything or talk about any other characters or obscure twst trivia i LOOVE infodumping but ppl very rarely listen to me when i do so this was very fun!! okay bye goodnight stan idia shroud

[dangermousie]

Hello !

I was wondering whether you could rate and tell us of your top 5 favourite webnovels/cnovels of all time ?! (Sorry if this has already been answered lol😅)

Thank you, stay safe and have a nice day🖤

Awww, thank you and that is such a lovely ask!!!

From n1 to n5, here they are (they happen to be all danmei.)

1. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha) - my n1 forever and ever.

Taxian Jun, the horrific cultivation emperor of the world who razed cities and destroyed sects, is surrounded on his mountain. The righteous sects are terrified to confront him but tired of living, Taxian Jun consumes poison and dies by suicide at the age of 32. And opens his eyes as 16 year old Mo Ran, Mo Ran long before he became Taxian Jun, Mo Ran who is excited at a chance to save the one person he loved and lost. Oh, and to deal with his loathed shizun, the unapproachable and strict Chu Wanning, his past life’s biggest enemy.

I have no idea if it’s objectively the best on this list but it hits every trope I love, its bleak worldview (the world will change only incrementally but that’s enough, average person will not appreciate the sacrifice but it’s still worthwhile, and love is worth everything) mirrors mine, and the sheer complexity of the plot and cascade of plot twists each of which is insane and yet completely logical, is amazing (this is a rare novel where it’s even more fun to reread than read for the first time because you keep seeing all the hints and trail crumbs laid out that you did not see the first time.)

And the characters!!! I mean, this novel has multiple universes/timelines, a side trip to the Underworld AND the demon realm, a plot more twisted than a store’s worth of pretzels and yet the thing that hits me the most are the characters. Mo Ran is my favorite web novel character of all time and I love Chu Wanning so. All the secondary characters are wonderfully written (and some of them made me bawl) and they are all complex. My opinion of all of them changed many times over; the novel doesn’t make it easy to love some of them but then you do and it’s so worthwhile! That slow change is one of the delights of the novel - I started out disliking the unpleasant, superior Chu Wanning and cruel, callow Mo Ran and then I loved them so so hard and cried for them so so hard and was in awe of their heroism and sacrifice and selflessness and capacity to love.

Oh, and the fact that this novel does something almost impossible - it has its protagonist start out as so clearly irredeemable and then slowly and painfully and thoroughly redeems him (without ever letting the reader forget what it is he needs redemption for.)

Also, for a novel that made me cry so hard I felt ill, this book is just so damn funny with the most sarcastic sense of humor imaginable (the serious angst doesn’t even kick in until 90+ chapters!)

Anyway I should stop or I will write a dissertation. But this is the one web novel that I would put in my top 5 not just web novels but any novels in any shape or form. The plentiful trigger warnings are there for a reason so stay away if they are an issue, but if not, if anyone hasn’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life?!

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - another novel by the author of 2ha. Clearly she just pushes all my buttons every time. This one is much shorter and has a plot that is twisty but less twisty than 2ha. Still, all that means is that intensity and the pain are more concentrated.

Aristocratic Mo Xi and former slave Gu Mang were both legendary generals of the empire and lovers. But Gu Mang betrayed the country and switched to the enemy. Now he is back as a peace offering by that country and Mo Xi has to deal with the fact that his feelings are as strong as ever.

This novel!!! So much pain and intensity!!! So many amazing plot twists and supporting characters. The same bleak world view, the same unjust society, the same protagonists doing right things despite the cost. Mo Xi’s intensity and inability to let go (he’s imprinted on Gu Mang and that’s it) is romantic, bone-shakingly intense, and tragic all at once. And oh Gu Mang! So many times I just wanted to reach into the book physically to protect him. The novel deals with unjust societies, memory versus personality, what it’s like to be good in a bad universe etc. And it both made me sob and giggle, repeatedly, and sold me on literally death-defying (but not honor-defying!) love.

Oh, and special shout out to the fact that like 2ha, you may start out hating some characters and end up a rabid fangirl (cough Murong Lian!)

3. Qiang Jin Jiu - a dense political tome that takes a while to get going but then it’s a runaway train.

In a fictional dynasty, Shen Zechuan, the only remaining son of a disgraced aristocratic family and Xiao Chiye, the younger son of a family of generals guarding the border join forces (and then something else) to get power and pull down the dysfunctional system.

This is so elegant and smart (a rare web novel I’d recommend to anyone who just loves solid period fiction) and you probably need a notebook to keep track of the politics and military strategy. These characters are very very smart not just because the author says so.

As to the characters, there is a large cast and I love many of them, but for me the novel is made by Shen Zechuan and Xiao Chiye. SZC is gorgeous and delicate and icy and can kill you before you have time to blink. Saddled with the sins of the family he had no pleasant interaction with, he claws his way out of hell (seeing the sinkhole he was trapped in, literally as well) to take down those who wronged him but also to amass power so all the tragedy and corruption won’t happen again and the whole rotten system comes crashing down. XCY is a military genius who is trapped as a hostage in the capital because the court doesn’t trust his family. He longs to return to the plains of home and to take his rightful place. The two men start out as bitter enemies, then reluctant and sniping allies, then as friends and eventually as one of the most gorgeous, tender, swoony OTPs.

Anyway this is one is a bona fide masterpiece, equal parts smart and emotionally intense.

4. Wu Chang Jie - are you an emotional vampire? I am and this novel is a banquet.

In a highly fantastical setting, we meet our protagonists - the sunny Xie Bian and the intense and surly Fan Wushe. Xie Bian is a human who assists his master in conveying souls to the underworld and making sure no mishaps happen. Bian is concentrated sunshine in human form and to meet him is to love him. When the novel opens, his drunk master brings back another human to be his shidi and assist with duties - said human is uncommunicative, intense and surly Wushe. Bian is excited to have a shidi but little does he know that a story dealing with the horrors of past lifetime is about to start.

Anyway, why WCJ? So many reasons. It has such a dark bleak worldview - this world is a horrifying system where powerful cannibalize each other’s cores for an impossible chance to ascend, where gods have sealed off their realm and all that’s left is neverending human misery and hell (the only way you’d see a deity is if they’d been sent down to suffer over and over and over), where even reincarnation doesn’t fix things and bad acts are often unpunished. And the novel then asks - is it worth being a good person in such a world? More, is it worth being a good person in such a world when nothing good has ever happened to you and you have been repeatedly betrayed due to your goodness? And the answer, on Bian’s part, is an uncompromising yes.

Ah yes, the other reason to love this novel - the protagonists and their fucked up fucked up relationship. Bian (who was Prince Ziheng in the past life) is so genuinely good. But he is that rare thing - good but not saintly, noble but not cloying. So much of the novel is his getting taken apart over and over and barely able to put himself back together every time but his soul is still as amazing as ever.

And then there is Wushe (who was Prince Zixiao in past life, Ziheng’s not-bio-related brother.) Wushe is not a good person. He is a monster. And he loves Bian/Ziheng more than his life and his soul and the entire world but he’s also the one who hurt him more than anyone else ever could and did it over and over. His love survived a literal century of torture in the worst kind of hell and refused the usual memory loss of new life. But it also humiliated and broke Ziheng down to his constituent parts.

One of the things that is so fascinating to me about this novel is the question of what can be forgiven/what should be forgiven/what kind of expiation is enough/can you ever love someone who you loved so much and then he hurt you so badly and is now repentant? And it never sweeps trauma under the rug or hand waves it away but deals with it head on.

If you want healthy relationships, you should stay far away from this novel but if intense insane ones with a feral barely human one capable of destroying the world leashed by love and guilt to the sane deeply good one is your bag, come right in.

There is also the world building and the fact that yes, the big fall out between Ziheng x Zixiao is based on not knowing all the facts but it’s not “why can’t you talk?! This is dumb!” But is totally in keeping with both events and their characters. It’s reasonable for Ziheng to do what he does and for Zixiao to misunderstand and decide Ziheng is now his biggest enemy (but still one he’s fixated on) and for Ziheng to never be able to clarify.

Anyway, once again this is trigger warning central so please heed those, but if they are no issue, this one is wonderful.

5. OK, this is hard and switches between Sha Po Lang, Heaven Official’s Blessing and The Golden Stage depending on my mood. So what the hell, I am gonna write about all of them.

Sha Po Lang - so smart and so much clever world building. There is enough politicking to satisfy a Qiang Jin Jiu fan, it’s steampunk, and our two protagonists - Gu Yun, the empire’s most powerful general, who’s loyal to the empire despite being badly wronged by it, and Chang Geng, a cursed prince with barbarian blood and horrifying childhood - are wonderful separately and together. This is a huge slow burn but it’s totally worth it! They fall in love with each other’s hearts and brains and ability as much as anything. (Yes, this is the one with the yifu thing. Gu Yun is made Chang Geng’s foster father when he rescues him and brings him back to the capital as a way to keep CG safe in imperial strife. They are 12 and 19 at the time so clearly it’s never a parental relationship.)

Heaven Official’s Blessing (TCGF) - I love it’s sprawling narrative and cast, I love its inventive setting and picaresque story. It’s hilarious and can make me cry. But the novel’s place on this list is due to Xie Lian who is part Kenshin part drama WWX part pure goodness wrapped in heartbreak and trauma wrapped in sunshine.

The Golden Stage - two smart and principled (yes, they both have principles different though they may be) men navigate their arranged marriage, their past friendship and their past break up, become a super couple (one of the healthiest danmei couples I’ve ever read and proves healthy doesn’t have to be boring), save the country and bring down the emperor or two and just generally this is my rainy day book.

I guess I didn’t write as much for the three n5 candidates as I did for 1-4 but my brain is beginning to curdle so...

[breezeinmonochromenight]

Okay so, I know absolutely nothing about Devil May Cry, except what I see through osmosis because of your blog. Who's Vergil, who's Dante, and which one of them is the dad of Nero??

These asks are always so fun to do lmao. So basically it’s like:

Dante — OG star of the series and legendary demon hunter, half-demon, “red oni” trope in the most literal sense possible. ~44 years old in his most recent iteration (DMC5) and the younger brother of the (twin) Sons of Sparda. Wacky wahoo pizza cuhraaaazy party 🤪 on the outside; crippling depression over the loss of his family and non-human “otherness” status on the inside. Himbo with a Heart of Gold; may or may not actually know what sex is. Can’t manage money to save his life. Rotten luck with women despite being a walking thirst trap. Cowboy fetish increases with age; likes to go new hat goofin’. Hobbies include pizza, strawberry ice cream, and beating the fuck out of his twin brother.

Vergil — Dante’s “older” twin brother and habitual problem causer of the series, half-demon, “blue oni” trope in the most literal sense possible. ~44 years old in his most recent iteration (DMC5). Stone cold bastard on the outside; more unaddressed trauma than you can shake a stick at on the inside. Doesn’t manage money at all because he just straight up fucking mugs people. Jerk with a Heart of Jerk that softens a little with age; is confirmed to have fucked one (1) times despite giving off the vibe that he’d be completely and totally repulsed by the touch of another. Weeb (deragatory). Hobbies include poetry, the relentless pursuit of power, and beating the fuck out of his twin brother.

⚠️ Do not let the cravat and sophisticated attitude fool you, he is the exact same flavor of dumbfuck idiot as his brother in a different coat. ⚠️

Nero — Literally the only adult in this fucking family by miles and junior demon hunter, quarter-demon, and a mix of the red and blue oni tropes. Dante’s nephew and Vergil’s son, which is comedy gold. ~25 years old in his most recent iteration (DMC5). (Yes, that makes Vergil a teen dad.) Hot-headed and aggressive as shit on the outside; pure hearted on the inside. Jerk with a Heart of Gold; has a healthy, loving relationship with longtime girlfriend/childhood sweetheart Kyrie and a pretty stable life despite being raised as an orphan on an island controlled by a cult that worshipped his grandfather. Grows up being treated as “other” by many and not knowing who his family is. Hobbies include liberal use of the word ‘fuck’ (including, but not limited to, telling his father to go fuck himself), spending time with his gf and the orphans they raise together so they don’t have to grow up like he did, and landing bone shattering drop kicks/backhands to his uncle’s face for running his mouth.

(....So basically they’re no more dysfunctional than the average family. 👍)

[libbee]

Part 2 of how to manage BPD and take a rebirth! Once you start talk therapy (important) and consider your whole life story, you will see patterns emerging from childhood. Now, the core of BPD is "emotional instability". It is very hard to understand but I hope it makes sense. At first the pwBPD will be in denial. Reliving the past will feel so bad. Nothing makes any sense at all. But persevere. Recall the actions and behaviors of your parents and near ones, your classmates and everyone who was there in your life. I did talk therapy via writing in notebooks and electronic docs. See what fits for you. Venting is the first step.

Recall the BEHAVIOUR of your parents and other family in your childhood-> its effect on you WHAT DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE(embarrassed/humiliated/ashamed/insulted/ego hurt/worthless/dirty) -> how similar life circumstances are TRIGGERING those deep seated EMOTIONS now. This is identification and labeling the emotion. It is not easy. You will be confused so much. But look out for solutions. Write it all down in whatever way (offline or online) seems best to you.

Google "self concept". You have to work on your self esteem, self image, self confidence, who you are - who you are not, inner calling, your work, hobbies, everything. The first step is to read and understand what these things even mean. Then make notes out of that. Then write down what it means to YOU. Then find out your qualities that fit your self concept. It is not easy too.

Recovery from BPD does not mean loss of personality. Borderline Personality Disorder sounds like you have to change your personality. No. You have to understand your emotions, your behaviour, find coping mechanisms and give it time. It never completely goes away, you just learn to manage it.

Mindfulness matters. I stopped listening to songs and music. Rumination, obsession, compulsions are hallmark of BPD. I hate that crap. With mindfulness you will be aware of exactly what you are feeling minute to minute and its correlation with your childhood.

You will realize that when you were young, your emotions were invalidated, ignored, neglected, shamed, insulted. It varies from person to person. You have to self reflect and find out who said what and how did it make you feel. Not everyone with BPD has similar life situations, but they all have similar manifestations.

It is a messy process. You will run in circles for months. Then 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Relapse of dysfunction. It is messy.

I also had Maladaptive Daydreaming. It was all interconnected. Once you start treating your internal problems, your external problems will take care of themselves. I no longer daydream or have the urge to. I dont even remember doing it and I was the same person daydreaming 7-8hours DAILY since childhood. I daydreamed at least 6 hours DAILY since my childhood. That's how messed up it was. It was my safe heaven. It was a part of my life like eating sleeping breathing. Now it is gone. I am relieved. 🙂

A pwBPD goes through at least one romantic relationship or situation for sure before diagnosis. It will show all your dysfunctions: intensity, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, oversharing everything, love sick, not being able to eat/sleep/do anything other than obsess about love, I also did maladaptive daydreaming, push pull cycles, all perfect/all bad view, sudden breakups, highest of highs and lowest of lows, validation seeking, attention seeking, wanting reassurance all the time, fear of engulfment and boredom, put my whole life on hold other than the relationship. That's all I can remember as of now.

My BPD ruined my education. I dreaded studies like anything. I was literally scared of sitting down and studying. I recalled that when i was young ever since i started school, my family was extremely strict demanding controlling insulting invalidating humiliating about studies. They called me names, shamed me for being average student and asked me 100s of questions. It was so bad. I dont remember anything in my childhood other than study study study and the trauma related to it. I hated studying. It was a torture. It was hell.

Next comes, psyche. BPD is inter psychic. You cannot have BPD without all these mental images in your mind's eye. I used to see pictures of people and their expressions in my head. I knew it was wrong but didn't know it was related to BPD. For eg, I was extremely envious of other girls. Whenever i was triggered, my mind would show me mental images of girls having fun, more fun, prettier than me, smarter than me, cooler than me. It would ruin my self esteem so bad.

I was hypersensitive to voice tones, words, body language, text messages. I used to replay the same conversation in my head 1000 times an hour and try to feel the emotion of the other person. I wanted to feel what other people feel about me so I would replay the conversations many times. It was so exhausting and frustrating. I did it compulsively without awareness. My mind was on auto pilot.

Next comes sex. I am virgin. But I have been addicted to porn, hypersexual, desperate and ashamed of my sexuality. I still have a high libido but I am not desperate. Working on my self esteem fixed it.

Next comes cognitive distortion. I used to do mind reading. Sometimes it worked really well. But I dont do it now because it takes too much energy and I dont feel the urge anymore.

lack of object permanence and forgetfulness: my memory is chef's kiss. I forget everything about my self concept everyday. No matter how much you tell me, as soon as I am alone I feel like nothing was real, like I was never loved, it was all a lie. I forget people and ny relationship with them. I would forget my career goals and could not stick to anything more than 6 hours. I would dissociate under stress and feel like I am seeing myself from behind my body. It fixed with sleeping, self concept and clear self image.

Next comes dissociation, hallucinations, nightmares, fear of ghosts. I have suffered a lot with these things especially during my childhood. It happens because of extreme anxiety. So either take medicine or meditate.

Next comes FEELINGS. My feelings were so complex that my head would feel like exploding. I would sleep 14 to 16 hours a day during my therapy period. My feelings were so intense that I would just sleep to shut them up. It was as if I had ants crawling under my skin. How did it fix? I dont know. Sleeping fixed it probably.

Contd in part 3.

[hillariat]

Bubbline fanfic rec list

I did it. I made a master rec list of good Bubbline fanfics. Will keep updating this until I leave the fandom.

Grouped by setting (eg. Highschool AU, AT universe, Family AU etc.) in alphabetical order. They’re all romantic bubbline unless stated otherwise. This is a living document so I’ll be updating it every now and then with new fics and stuff. For any questions, changes or additions, please feel free to pm me on reddit/tumblr @hillariat

*SMUT = A significant portion of the fic is dedicated to SMUT

*some SMUT= A part of the fic has explicit smut, but it isn't a major part of the story

*UwU=personal faves

calamitous love

Author: lexaproeighty

Setting: Astronaut AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1,173

Tags: Fluff, emotionally stupid PB.

Summary: Author’s summary: bonnie's in her feelings. oh, and about to go into space.

what was missing

Author: spookyscaryskeletons (Buttons15)

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,678

Tags: Fluff, emotionally constipated PB.

Summary: Honestly the most solid, canon compliant take on their relationship. I loved this shit and half my headcanons are from here.

Author’s summary: In which Bonnie has feelings, she does, but feelings are hard and complicated and she rather ignore them until they punch her in the face.

Let you Lead

Author: purplebutterflies

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1,225

Tags: Fluff, Mild comedy,Marceline being an idiot

Summary: Marceline being a useless gay and Bonnie taking the lead. Writing gets better after the inciting incident, trust me.

After UwU

Author: 61wisampa

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 23,888

Tags: Major character death, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Moving On, Friendship

Summary: This shit be an intense feels trip yo. Like an "I stayed up ‘til 6am" kind of intense. I had to reread this fic twice in order to emotionally process everything. It definitely isn't your average bubbline angst.

Author’s summary: It was hard, having someone similar yet different. It kept Marceline stuck walking along the line that prevented her from moving on.

Everybody Knows Your Name

Author: Sunshine18

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,671

Tags: Exes, Discussion of past abuse, past Ash being an asshole, pre-bubbline

Summary: Solid exploration of PB and Marcy as exes and how they started becoming "civil" post breakup. References to major events in early AT and how PB and Marcy were affected. Can be read independently of “Contact” even though it is a sequel of that.

Bitter Sugar UwU

Author: QueenOfTheRevue (on both Ao3 and FFN)

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Discontinued | 72,000

Tags: Political drama, Arranged marriage, Political Conspiracy, fantasy

Summary:The plot's so intense it deserves to be in a goddamn Kdrama. Literally never read anything else like it in the fandom. A well done, intense drama set in a unique  political landscape. Hybrid democratic monarchies, Age old conspiracies, fandom references, Marceline in military uniform, c'mon just read it!.

Musicology series

Author: CountingWithTurkeys

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 625,723 (as of 06/02/2021) 

Tags: Canon compliant, angst, fluff, mindfuckery, sociopathic people, some SMUT

Summary: Set in a possible but not probable AT universe. Darker and heavier overall tone. It's the kind of fic that will give your brain a workout. Dysfunctional Bubbline that becomes healthier. Solid portrayal of dysfunction with a believable interpretation of PB and Marcy

VR

Author: deltau

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 7,004

Tags: Fluff, SMUT, virtual reality, shapeshifting

Summary: Bonnie gets her VR machine working and the couple delves into the realm of Marcy's mind. Bonnie makes some pleasant discoveries and afterwards they have some fun time. 

Our perfect disease

Author: JupiterDelphinus

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 112,000

Tags: Non-chronological, anthology, some SMUT, fluff, hurt/comfort, canon divergent

Summary: Past, present and future scenes from the pair. Tone and ratings (G to EXPLICIT) vary according to the chapter. Each chapter is a self contained narrative that helps build the overarching Bubbline story. Very cute, very uwu feels.

Apples after Midnight series

Author: Xekstrin

Setting: AT universe

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 18,565

Tags: SMUT, feels, fluff

Summary: Starts off smutty but then has a lot of feels. Has a legitimate exes romance plot.

The One Where There's No Gunther

Author: ijemanja (on both Ao3 and FFN)

Setting: Coffee Shop AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,899

Tags: Comedy, Fluff

Summary: Has very good AT-esque dialogue.I can actually imagine the characters saying the lines.

Author's summary: All are welcome at the Coffee Kingdom, even pain in the ass vampire queens. (No Ice Kings, though.)

Double Sugar, Extra Whip

Author: amphitrite

Setting: Coffee Shop AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,067

Tags: College, Fluff

Summary: Classic coffee shop AU. Think a Vanilla latte. You know what you're getting

Palpitations

Author: ValhallaKoala

Setting: Coffee Shop AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 6,298

Tags: Comedy, College, Adorable af

Summary: Author's summary: Black coffee tastes just as good as a caramel macchiato, right? Right!?

Or

Bonnibel is socially inept and makes some questionable decisions.

Viscosity UwU

Author: The Denominator

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 9,049

Tags: Feels, non-chronological, sexual references

Summary: College AU but definitely not a classic college AU. It's one of a kind, makes you feel

C's get degrees

Author: megapidgeots

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 102,550

Tags: Comedy, fluff, feels, just college roomies getting along

Summary: Classic College AU, you get what you see. 

Author's summary: Bonnie has just started her first year of University, and finds she has a mostly neutral-verging-on-hesitantly-positive opinion of her new roommate, Marceline.

Cliché

Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 67,493 (06/02/2021)

Tags: Comedy, fluff

Summary:College AU but you try to cram as many tropes in as possible. It's fun

Five.

Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 7,883 

Tags: Fluff

Author’s summary:The other woman hesitated, eyes doing that thing where they narrowed and seemingly judged Bonnibel for existing, and then she sighed. “I don’t hate you,” She murmured and Bonnibel felt a weird feeling of what felt like relief come over her.

Escort

Author: breeeliss

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 21,058

Tags: SMUT, sexual tension, teasing, build up

Summary: Marcy is a tease and Bonnie is a thot.

Show and Tell

Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 1,527 (as of 06/02/2021)

Tags: soon to be SMUT, Camgirl, toys, strong sexual references

Summary: Character interactions (so far) are adorable and endearing. Really makes you ship them

Entry 38 UwU

Author: deltau

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 5,969

Tags: SMUT, sad feels, strap-on, car sex

Summary: Smut and sad feels

Happy Birthday, Kitten

Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)

Setting: College Party AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 3,030

Tags: SMUT, car sex, praise kink, Top! Bonnie

Summary: Cop Bonnie and Party girl Marcy. That is all. Come get your Top! Bonnie smut

Coincidence

Author: mellish

Setting: College AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 5,932

Tags: Fluff, Angst, Break up, Sad ending

Summary: “It’s like holding a test tube and not knowing what’s inside it, not knowing how much damage will be done if it breaks apart.” Traces their relationship from beginning to end. Has my fave ending line of all fics on this list.

Groupies Wanna Get Fucked

Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)

Setting: Concert, human AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,973

Tags: SMUT

Summary: Author's summary: Bonnibel's NOT a groupie. Except, she is because this is smut. Enjoy! :)

Chemistry

Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)

Setting: Concert, human AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 2,784

Tags: First meeting

Summary: Very cute character interaction. Short and sweet.

40 Weeks

Author: Plesiosaur

Setting: Family AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 221,000

Tags: Pregnancy, Cavity inducing fluff, Slice of life, sexual references

Summary: Domestic grown adult bubbline? Check. Hella extra know it all Bonnie? Check. Snarky Marcy? Check. Some deep feels and backstory? Check. Tooth rotting bubbline fluff? Check. Why the hell aren't you reading this?? This story is really good, starts slow but really picks up after like chapter 12

Pray for the Preacher's daughter UwU

Author: reliquiaen (Ao3) / ArcaFeretory (FFN)

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 232,197

Tags: Slow burn

Summary:THE fic for the Bubbline fandom. Its the fic that everyone knows and recommends and for good reason. Strong execution of the Punk x Goody two shoes formula.Just... read it if you’d read HS AUs

Anonymous UwU

Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 229,681 (as of 27/03/2021)

Tags: Slow burn, fluff, TW for abuse

Summary:The second coming of Pray for the preacher's daughter. JK. Seriously though it's a good slow burn with quality that is as good, if not better than, Pray for the preacher's daughter. The bubbline duo in this fic are just,, pure. So pure I can feel the cavities. Also the author updates every week (as of 6/02/2021)

High School Confidential

Author: gloss

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1,085

Tags: Fluff, Flirting

Summary: Marceline never gets too attached to one place or person. In fact, it's probably for the best because her family constantly moves from place to place like nomads. She might stick around this time though. Cute interactions and flirting.

Variants

Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,918

Tags: Fluff

Author’s summary:Every species has its variants. Bonnie's just trying to figure out which ones are good and which ones are bad.

A love like war

Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 433,715 

Tags: Slow burn

Summary: Bonnie moves from New York to some tiny af town in the middle of nowhere. She is not happy.

Different UwU

Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Discontinued | 25,022

Tags: Cavity inducing sweet Fluff, Autism, discrimination

Summary: Very sweet and fluffy. Like an I will need to go to the dentist level fluff. Characterisation is a bit OOC but it's a very well written piece. I would send this to people who aren't in the fandom and say it's an original piece. It's that good.It ends off in a good place too.

Tourniquet

Author: alizarin_scribbles

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 7,883 

Tags: Mutual Pining, Angst, Sad ending

Summary: Star crossed lovers that were so close.

Author’s summary: How they were now was normal enough, not too intimate or indifferent in any respect. Back then, their relations simply didn't have any room for change. Now, Bonnie couldn't help but wonder exactly how such casual acquaintanceship had led to the ghostlike fire currently trickling through her veins.

Glandular Fever

Author: reliquiaen (Ao3) / ArcaFeretory (FFN)

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete |3,740

Tags: Comedy, Fluff

Summary: Author's summary: In which I bundled all the awkward situations I could into a oneshot... and then made them worse.

the secret admirer

Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete |4,724

Tags: Fluff, tooth rotting fluff, Bonnie being a disaster, Marceline being soft

Summary: Author’s summary: #ohsconfession220: To the girl who always hangs out in the library with the red hair and round glasses and freckles i think you’re the cutest person i’ve ever seen pls date me

Bonnie has a secret admirer... and she kind of hates it.

Will You Sign My Cast?

Author: bigpinkbaguette

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing |22,122

Tags: Angst, slowburn, childhood friends, enemies to lovers

Summary: The slow burn that hurts so, so much. Otherwise known as Bonnie is too emotionally constipated to deal with the baggage she has with Marceline.

Slacker

Author: CandiedSweets

Setting: Highschool AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing |36,806

Tags: Fluff, angst, Bonnie being the most useful gay ever, Useless gay Marceline

Summary: *gasps, a multi-chapter high school AU that isn't a slowburn?! Yep you heard right!

Author’s summary: Marceline’s missed a few days of school and a certain pink haired classmate brings her the work she’s missed, but accidentally finds out something about her in the process.

Bass Guitars and Grandad's Ashes

Author: LastOneFromHometown

Setting: Road trip AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 41,448 (as of 27/03/2021)

Tags: Comedy, feels, trippy af, slight angst

Summary: Somehow makes even a funeral comedic. Has a very wild and funny charm to it whilst still having moments of feels. Trippy af, really has some AT vibes in it. Fun read.

Hooligans on the Highway

Author: Valverbek

Setting: Road trip AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 13,123 (as of 27/03/2021)

Tags: Comedy, fluff, established relationship

Summary: A lighthearted and fun read about the gang going on a road trip for Finn’s 21st. Cute & chaotic vibes.

Slaughterhouse UwU

Author: Plesiosaur

Setting: Serial Killer AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 6,846

Tags: Murder, police, gore

Summary: Who'd be the best match for our beloved serial killer? Why, another psycho of course. One of my personal favorites

The Prolific Works of the Arctic Butcher

Author: HaveFunStormingTheCastle

Setting: Working adults AU

Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 40,627 (as of 27/03/2021)

Tags: angst, feels, exes, murder mystery,serial killer, slow burn, reunions 

Summary: Bonnibel is the mayor of Kingdom city. When seemingly unconnected and unsolved murders begin popping up left and right, Bonnie starts doing her own investigations, believing that there may be more than meets the eye. Somehow that brings her on a collision course with Marceline, successful rockstar extraordinaire and her ex. Circumstances force them both to examine their shared past and revisit the destruction they each left in their wake as they investigate a sinister killer with seemingly devious intentions for them both.

There she is (Or what to do when your ex is back in town)

Author: durantesknight

Setting: Working adults AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 11,586

Tags: Exes, feels

Summary: A fascinating translation of the Bubbline relationship into a modern setting. This shit legit got me feeling.

Author's summary: Its been seven years since the last time Bonnie and Marceline saw each other, things weren't okay back then, they're not better now.

40 Weeks prequel series (can be read independently of each other and 40 weeks) :

Author: Plesiosaur

Setting: Working adults AU

1)This Could Be The Start Of Something

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,214

Tags: Graduation, first meeting, mild homophobia, anaphylaxis

Summary:Marceline and Jake crash a graduation party for free drinks. An ambulance was called.

2)To Fall, Gently And Otherwise

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,628

Tags: Fluff

Author's summary: Set between chapters one and two of This Could Be The Start Of Something. After three years of sharing an apartment Marceline really should know better than to take Jake's date advice.

3)Counterpoint

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 3,065

Tags: Hurt/comfort, intellectual rivalry, differing opinions on alternative medicine, historical character death, feels

Author's summary: Even the most perfect couples can clash when they believe in fundamentally different things. But is Bonnie ready to swallow her pride and apologize even when she thinks she's in the right?

First and Last

Author: Plesiosaur

Setting: Working adults AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 15,351

Tags: hurt/comfort, feels, family, repressed gay

Summary: Just....intense feels

Orion

Author: NightBearrors

Setting: Working adults AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,750

Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, feels, exes, ambiguous end

Summary: Their reunion was like a tangent, colliding once only to depart again.

Dough

Author: ArrowOvis

Setting: Working adults AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1707

Tags: angst, feels, exes, implied rape

Summary: Author summary: Dough can be a lot of things - wet, dry, fluffy, flat, pre-mixed, under-mixed...a lot. But most importantly, it can be shaped into something it wasn't before. Whether that is a good or a bad thing, only time can tell.

Alternatively titled: Bonnibel Buchman got screwed over and doesn't deal with it well.

Stripped

Author: Asharyn

Setting: Working adults AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 14,708

Tags: Fluff, some SMUT

Summary: Where Bonnie be whipped for Marcy. And vice versa. Honestly, just fluff and smut stripper AU.

End Of The World

Author: Plesiosaur

Setting: Zombie Apocalypse AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 3,465

Tags: Death, Gore, feels

Summary: zombie apocalypse AUs are basically non-existent for this ship, so here's a good one.

Experiments

Author: spookyscaryskeletons (Buttons15)

Setting: Zombie Apocalypse AU

Status | Wordcount: Complete | 9,194

Tags: Death, Gore, feels,angst

Summary: If you’ve ever wanted to read a zombie AU written by an actual doctor this is it. It's good. Set in The Last of Us (TLOU) universe though you can go into this without knowing anything about TLOU and still have a good experience. 

[notapaladin]

Obsidian and Blood, an overview

Do you like fantasy? Do you like mysteries? Do you like Mesoamerican mythology? Do you like ALL OF THOSE THINGS TOGETHER, set against the lush backdrop of Tenochtitlan in 1480? (Or maybe you just want to know more about the series I have been going feral over since August.) Then buckle up, because oh boy have I got a series for you!

*drumroll, please*

OBSIDIAN AND BLOOD, written by Aliette de Bodard (better known for her Xuya and Dominion of the Fallen series)

There are two kinds of people: Those who see the words “Aztec fantasy/murder mysteries set in very well-researched 1480s Tenochtitlan BUT WITH MAGIC, investigated by the HIGH PRIEST OF THE GOD OF DEATH” and immediately ran off to buy them, and those who clearly need convincing. So here I am, shamelessly plugging my new hyperfixation!

Obsidian and Blood consists of three semi-standalone novels and three (free!) prequel short stories, all featuring 30-year-old Acatl as our first-person POV mystery solver. Acatl is not, however, your average historical detective; aside from being set firmly in Tenochtitlan in 1480 with all that implies re. the acceptability of slavery and human sacrifice, he also is the High Priest of Mictlantecuhtli in a universe where the gods regularly meddle in mortal affairs and magic spells are powered largely by rituals and blood—animal, human, or your own. You’d think this would make Acatl really, really good at solving murders, but you’d be wrong. He is the least of the Triple Alliance’s three High Priests, and his god doesn’t come at his servant’s beck and call. Not to mention the other gods, who have their own deadly agendas. That’s not even getting into the people around him, who might be the most dangerous of all. Luckily, he has more allies than he thinks—if he has the strength to actually reach out to them and admit he could use the help!

(He doesn’t need to reach out to his student Teomitl. Teomitl, a confident young warrior of imperial blood, keeps volunteering. This gives Acatl roughly one heart attack per book.)

You will like them if…

I did just say “magic murder mysteries in 1480s Tenochtitlan,” right? It’s real Precolumbian Mexico hours up in here! The history of the Aztec Empire and their Triple Alliance actually forms multiple key plot points throughout the series!

you’re into Aztec history/culture in general

if a DnD fan, you are REALLY into the Raven Queen

you think blood magic is super cool and wish it wasn’t treated as the realm of The Bad Guys

you get incredibly hyped over lesser-known mythologies treated respectfully but also very awesomely (the thing where the Aztecs thought human sacrifice kept the sun in the sky? Yeah, in this universe it is literally true and plot-relevant)

you are big into chaste heroes, lots of snarky asides, highly opinionated narrators who let their own prejudices destroy them, “from an outside perspective this is cosmic horror but for the characters it is a Tuesday,” mysteries with twists you will NOT see coming, and themes of trauma/memories/family legacies

you love reading about dysfunctional family relationships in various states of repair/further destruction

you’ve ever thought “hey this historical mystery is cool but what if there was MAGIC”

you like noir detective stories but want them with magic

you like urban fantasy but want them to have historical settings instead of vaguely modern-day ones

Plot/character summaries below!

SHORT STORIES (prequels to the novels, blurbs by me)

Obsidian Shards

Warriors have been found dead in the town of Colhuacan, obsidian shards embedded in their hearts. Acatl, priest of Mictlantecuhtli, suspects a creature of the Underworld—one he already calls a foe, for it slew his first and last apprentice.

Beneath the Mask

In the Tenochtitlan suburb of Coyoacan, Acatl’s childhood friend Huchimitl begs him to save her only son’s war captive; the man whose sacrifice will make the boy a proper warrior is paralyzed from an unknown curse, unable even to rise from the floor. But who could have cursed him, and is it connected to the mask Huchimitl now wears?

Safe, Child, Safe

A toddler is slowly wasting away, the mark of the Underworld on him, and Acatl is tasked with finding the cause. But no creature of the Underworld kills so slowly, and so Acatl must turn his investigation to the living.

THE BOOKS (blurbs taken directly from the book listings, you don’t HAVE to read them in order but I do recommend it)

Servant of the Underworld

Year One-Knife, Tenochtitlan; the capital of the Mexica Empire. Human sacrifice and the magic of living blood are the only things keeping the sun in the sky and the earth fertile. A Priestess disappears from an empty room drenched in blood. It should be a usual investigation for Acatl, High Priest of the Dead—except that his estranged brother is involved, and the more he digs, the deeper he is drawn into the political and magical intrigues of noblemen, soldiers, and priests—and of the gods themselves...

(Neutemoc: I didn't mean to sleep with her! It was an accident! Acatl: I don't understand. Did you trip?) (Acatl: I don't want a new apprentice! Teomitl: :D? Acatl: ...I will make an exception)

Harbinger of the Storm

The year is Two House, and the Emperor of the Mexica has just died. The protections he afforded the Empire are crumbling, and the way lies wide open to flesh-eating star-demons—and to the return of their creator, a malevolent goddess only held in check by the War God's power. The council should convene to choose a new Emperor, but they are too busy plotting against each other. And then someone starts summoning star-demons within the palace, to kill councilmen...Acatl, High Priest of the Dead, must find the culprit before everything is torn apart.

(Teomitl: I've only had Acatl and Mihmatini for a year, but if anything happens to them I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself) (Quenami: Playing With The Big Boys.mp3)

Master of the House of Darts

The year is Three Rabbit, and the storm is coming. The Mexica Empire now has a new Emperor, but his coronation war has just ended in a failure: the armies have retreated with a paltry forty prisoners of war, not near enough sacrifices to satisfy the gods. Acatl, High Priest for the Dead, has no desire to involve himself yet again in the intrigues of the powerful. However, when one of the prisoners dies of a magical illness, he has little choice but to investigate. For it is only one death, but it will not be the last. As the bodies pile up and the imperial court tears itself apart, dragging Teomitl, Acatl's beloved student, into the eye of the storm, the High Priest for the Dead is going to have to choose whom he can afford to trust; and where, in the end, his loyalties ultimately lie...

(Teomitl: I am no longer Baby I want Power) (Acatl, to Teomitl: What have you got there? Nezahual, gleefully: A coup! Acatl: NO!)

THE MAIN CHARACTERS (in order of appearance)

ACATL “By my face and by my heart, I’ll bring you justice.” High Priest of Mictlantecuhtli, god of death and the underworld. As such, his duties include both the obvious ones of arranging funerals and standing vigils for the dead, and the less obvious ones of investigating magical crimes and keeping the boundaries between the heavens, Earth, and the underworld intact. When Servant of the Underworld begins, he’s only recently been promoted and hates it. Has a strained relationship with his living family, due largely to not having lived up to his (dead) parents’ desires for him to become a warrior like his brother Neutemoc. Bitter, cynical, and grumpy, but devoted to justice and fairness.

Has an official character sheet.

CEYAXOCHITL “Everyone has to grow up and take responsibilities. Even small, humble priests.” Guardian of the Sacred Precinct and wielder of the power of the Duality (Ometeotl), which makes her the sworn protector of the Mexica Empire and its Revered Speaker from all sorts of mainly-magical threats. Somewhat past middle age but still very strong in her magical abilities, and something of an antagonistic mentor to Acatl. (She nominated him for the position of High Priest. He is not appreciative.) Serious and devoted to her duty, with a keen eye for potential in others. Dies in Harbinger of the Storm and you WILL cry.

NEUTEMOC “Priests hide and run away. Warriors don’t.” Acatl’s older brother, a Jaguar Knight with five children and a failing marriage. Resents Acatl for not helping to support their aging parents by becoming a warrior like he did. The central suspect during most of Servant of the Underworld’s plot, though by the end he and Acatl have begun to repair their relationship. He is strict, stern, and bitter, but truly loves his family. (In the case of his younger brother, that love is buried very deep down.)

TEOMITL “If we don’t believe in ourselves, who is going to?” Acatl’s student, an enthusiastic warrior who yearns to prove himself worthy of his power and noble rank, as well as live up to the memory of the mother who died birthing him. During Servant of the Underworld he swears himself to Chalchiuhtlicue, goddess of fresh water and lakes, gaining (among other things) command over the man-eating water monsters called ahuitzotls. He is courting Mihmatini during Harbinger of the Storm; by the time Master of the House of Darts takes place, they are married. He is abrasive and proud, but also honest, loyal, and brave. And very, very ambitious. You will want to punch him several times. This is normal. (Also, I will swear that it's not just my ship-goggles being on too tight that has me thinking his relationship with Acatl is much more weighty and personal than the one he has with his ACTUAL WIFE.)

MIHMATINI “Better laugh, and smile at the flowers and jade. Life is too short to be spent grieving.” Acatl and Neutemoc’s youngest sister, a powerful magic-user who finds herself thrust into the position of Guardian during Harbinger of the Storm. Though she has no great ambitions herself—she mostly just wants to be a mother and raise children—she is ferociously protective of her family and will fight anything that threatens them. Even themselves. (Especially themselves.) Kind, caring, and light-hearted, but her acid tongue and sharp temper are not to be dismissed. "Fuck Around And Find Out" given human form.

ACAMAPICHTLI “We have always endured.” High priest of Tlaloc and a reoccurring thorn in Acatl’s side. Though he’s primarily out for his own gain and has no patience for Acatl’s refusal to play on the field of Imperial politics, they eventually form something like an uneasy truce following the end of Harbinger of the Storm. He is snarky and sardonic, but truly cares for his clergy. During Master of the House of Darts he somehow became one of my favorite characters.

TIZOC "I've always known that priests couldn't be trusted. You have just exceeded my expectations." Teomitl’s older brother, first Master of the House of Darts and then Revered Speaker. (Look, it’s not a spoiler if you can Google it.) He is cowardly, ambitious, and the closest thing this series has to an overarching antagonist. Among other things, tries to have Acatl executed during Harbinger of the Storm. Events at the end of that book only manage to make him measurably worse. "Ah There He Is, That Motherfucker, What A Tool" #1.

QUENAMI “Oh, Acatl. Such lack of tact. You are so unsuited for the Court.” High Priest of Huitzilpochtli, appointed by Tizoc between Servant of the Underworld and Harbinger of the Storm. Comes from a noble family, and is much better at diplomacy and playing politics than he is at magic. When push comes to shove, however, he can display some surprising determination. He is arrogant, scheming, and takes joy in cutting Acatl down, but presumably has some good qualities...somewhere. "Ah There He Is, That Motherfucker, What A Tool" #2.

Maps of the series’ primary setting

Setting Primers

Official Character Index

Glossary

[firjii]

Ok but sometimes you have such a complicated family dynamic with someone that you can’t tell if it’s healthy or not.

Sometimes a person does things that individually mean little or nothing, but when they do them consistently, you just start doing a double take every single time you communicate with them. Those patterns become all you can think about every time they talk to you.

Sometimes emotional abuse is incredibly subtle. What was normal or average or acceptable to one generation might be among the greatest of offenses to another - and I’ve seen this function as a two way street.

Sometimes a person does things simply because it’s in their nature - and that’s not saying that those things are OK, but you can end up being of two distinctly different minds and noticing it acutely on one hand and reminding yourself that this person is Just Like That on the other hand.

Sometimes the crux of your discomfort is simply the fact that someone is making you split yourself like that, even if they don’t realize it. Maybe you don’t articulately dislike them, and maybe they’re not doing anything overtly harmful towards you, but that weird little feeling is actually so big that you can’t cognitively get past it enough to talk to them.

It literally becomes about a form of dysfunctioning - maybe in a small way compared to, y’know, feeding yourself or driving or keeping a job, but nonetheless still dysfunctioning.

Sometimes nothing particularly significant happens between you two, but you feel such a strong undercurrent all the time that the only reasonable action you can take is to shut them out for literal years to make sure you have space to think about it. Sometimes the best you can do is silence. Sometimes neutrality means severing ties, temporarily or otherwise.

And tbh it sucks because maybe that person you’re shutting out basically means well, or maybe not. Maybe you can abate whatever that weird vibe was, or maybe not.

You go through 100 different kinds of doubt and guilt - usually all at the same time. You might even lose some sleep over it.

You wonder if the awkwardness you’re imposing on yourself (and possibly the other person) is actually better than whatever you were dealing with before. You wonder if you imagined it all to begin with. You wonder if your slightly drastic but probably necessary attempt to set boundaries is either too much or too petty.

You wonder if you should just let it all go and simply make due with a cavernous sigh every time the person does something that bothers you. The line between regret and fear starts to become very blurry sometimes. Maybe you even pity the person.

Idk where exactly I’m going with this, but tldr family problems probably really are as complicated as they feel to you and that can mean messy solutions that don’t feel like solutions because, well, sometimes there’s no truly good answer.

[vanillafrog]

Hostage Situation

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: A one-shot of Tony and Y/N being held hostage at a Hydra base and Bucky comes for them.

Word Count: 727

Warnings: Canon level violence

A/N: Another fic from my a03. https://archiveofourown.org/works/25717549

“I wasn’t always a good guy. Not that I’m much of what people call a “good guy” now. The point is, I used to be part of some evil things and I’ve made huge mistakes that always came back to bite. One thing I like to think that I did good with is making the Iron Man suit. Through that I was able to help save a lot of people. The world in fact. But then there came some down faults of the suit. Almost dying. A lot. More than the average person. Being targeted by crazy evil organizations, what have you. But that led to me having a family.

The Avengers is what we call ourselves. We’re dysfunctional as all hell and get on each other’s nerves constantly but what’s family without bickering?” Tony says.

“I didn’t ask for your life story. I asked where the asset is?” Villain says

“Is that what you asked now? It was hard to tell with the accent and all.” Tony says.

“Tony, you aren’t helping.” Y/N says.

“Where is the asset?” Villain asks.

“See you have to be more specific than that. We have a lot of assets working on our team. Y/N here being one of them but I guess she isn’t who you’re looking for since-“ Tony is interrupted with a slap against the face. Y/N sighs.

“We don’t know where the Asset is.”

“Lies! We know you have it. We’ve seen him working alongside you.”

“Okay? And that automatically means we track his whereabouts 24/7? We aren’t like that, you know.”

“Actually,” Tony speaks, god could he stop. “I track all your whereabouts 24/7 through FRIDAY.”

“What?! Why?”

“For instances like this one. I mean, why else would I give you guys jewelry or phones and such? I need to know where my team is.” Tony shrugs, a glint in his eye. The meaning clear. My necklace had a tracker in. The team knew where we were.

“We’ll have that discussion later.” As the sentence leaves my mouth, a blast is heard from the other side of the small Hydra base soon followed by gun shots. Tony is smirking at the man in front of us, his face pale with the realization of what was going down.

“I guess we all know where the Asset is now, huh?” Y/N smirked at the kidnapper. Tony laughed.

The kidnapper moves behind Y/N, holding a knife to her throat as the door is quite literally kicked down. Bucky steps into the room with a rifle held in front of him.

“Stop right there soldier!” The kidnapper commands. Bucky stops, assessing the situation in front of him. He slowly lowers his weapon to the side, keeping his eyes glued to the knife at Y/N’s neck. “Good.” The man breathes into Y/N’s ear causing a shiver of disgust to crawl its way down her spine. The man grips the knife tighter. He smirks at Bucky, thinking he has him right where he wants them.

Suddenly, Y/N rears their head back into the kidnapper’s nose causing him to back away just enough for Bucky to lift his guy and plant a bullet between his eyes. His body falls to the ground and silence fills the room.

“What took you so long, Tinman?” Tony sasses, ridding the tension in the room. Bucky just rolls his eyes before walking over to Y/N and cutting the binds holding her hands together.

“Don’t ignore me. I’m the one who pays you.”

“Tony,” Y/N sighs as Bucky moves to remove the ropes from her ankles. “You don’t pay us.”

“I let you use my credit cards. That should be enough compensation.” Bucky huffs and puts his knife into Y/N’s hand so she could cut Tony out his restraints. Tony continues making comments as Bucky keeps watch at the door. They eventually make it out the base and into the quinjet where Y/N lays across the seats. Tony heads to the pilot’s chair to annoy Natasha who came along as a get away driver. Steve is across the jet, wiping off his shield as Sam has a friendly conversation with him. Bucky comes over to Y/N, lifting her head and putting it in his lap before brushing his flesh fingers through her hair.