#they built the Amara -> Michael -> Dean and the Chuck -> Lucifer -> Sam paralell and did not do much with it past a certain point

[xviruserrorx]

I still think it would have been funny is they pulled that Amara -> Michael, Chuck -> Lucifer parallel a bit farther and when Lucifer comes back in 15x19 he goes to Michael and pulls the whole speech to join his side and all while Michael's sitting back on a beach somewhere and pulls an Amara like "Adam wants to go to Paris next. You know what I like about Paris? It's so not you."

[ananke-xiii]

Although I mainly see the first six episodes of s13 as an engaging portrayal of two giref-stricken people lacking the tools to deal with what has happened to them, I can also totally see them as the so-called "widower arc". Two things can be true at the same time because yes, Dean was totally grieving Cas' death. But I'll make it worse for you.

Maybe I'm biased by the many times I've read the term "widower arc" but Dean was 100% looking for a consort in Cas in s12 (yes, "consort", I'm tired of "partner" or "boy/girlfriend", they're weak terms, give me "sharing destiny" type of old words) so I think this interpretation is not so far-fetched.

We have a grieving widow(er), a desired consort who's dead and then resurrects and a son who's been defined as "the rising son". As I've already said these are some of the elements of one of the most ancient myths in Western culture, that is the myth of Isis and Osiris.

Now, of course it was not a retelling of that myth, I don't even think it was a conscious effort to shape the story that way but sometimes symbols will be symbols, what can you do?

First of all, two brothers: Set and Osiris and Lucifer and Cas. We know how it goes, one brother kills the other (As an aside in one version Set built a wooden chest and tricked Osiris to enter into it just to seal it and drown it in the Nile. We have totally NEVER seen this image in Supernatural. Not even ONCE).

Things get very interesting from here on because in the myth there's a lot of focus on the body of the deceased brother, Osiris/Cas. The most famous way Set disposed of his brother's corpse was to cut it into pieces, to... tear him apart if you will. It is then kinda WILD that AU!Michael kills "his" Lucifer the same way:

MIchael: I killed my Lucifer. Tore him apart in the skies over Abilene. But hey, can’t get enough of a good thing.

Apparently, the body must be somehow intact for resurrection to happen. In the myth Isis has to find his husband's bodyparts scattered all over Egypt in order to resurrect him. So we need to pay extra close attention to Cas' body which we are actually shown in that tragic scene where Dean prepares him for the pyre. So it's Dean who takes care of Cas' body, who "collects" it, just like Isis. Interesting.

In SPN "What gets burned stays dead", therefore Cas cannot resurrect, or so they think. The mantra is repeated by Jack in "Tombstone" when he first sees his father. To be honest, we don't really know how Cas resurrects. For the first time we see what happens to him between death and rebirth but we miss the technicalities. We can only assume that Cas' ashes were enough. Or maybe, just maybe, that's just a rule that applies in Chuck's story. Just saying.

I'm not sure if they try to discover how Jack managed to do that but the point remains: it was Jack who woke Cas up in the Empty.

And why did he do that? Well, because he can. The very first thing that Jack does is resurrecting Kelly in an episode aptly named "The Future", where Jack is sort of introduced via his mother's resurrection. He doesn't know how to use this power but he unconsciously does it again with his father. And I ask again: why?

Jack wakes Cas up in "The Big Empty", four episodes into the season. He could've done it sooner? No. Because what prompts him to unconsciously act is Dean's grief. And Dean reaches his boiling point when Sam finally provokes him. Osiris/Cas dies and his consort Isis/Dean is inconsolable. Other people like Sam can forget about it, but Dean can't in every sense of the verb.

In the myth it's Isis who resurrects Osiris and has a child, Horus, with him. But she got help. Dean's only human but there is a demi-god running around in his bunker so I think that helped. And Cas must be credited for the effort and the pushing.

Let's just say that resurrecting Castiel took three, actually four people okay? It required a team effort. Because none of them is a fully-fledged god like God or Amara or some Archangel who can just snap their fingers and boom welcome back to Life. Coaxing someone into resurrection (a resurrection with consent) takes a lot of willpower... and a lot of love.

I said four people because the last character in this little story is The Shadow. And we see this in the myth as well!

Isis doesn't "just" resurrect Osiris, she has to convince the motherfucker. Cause, you see, Osiris's heart was tired. A tired heart! Oh so beautiful! He didn't see the reason to go back to life. He was sooo tired. Isis has to literally seduce him back to life. And... this is kind of what The Shadow does, but in reverse? It tells Castiel to go back to sleep, to find peace, it's been in his mind and he wants to sleep, it knows!

The Shadow is Cas' tiredness, all his failures and regrets. But, as I said, it takes a lot of willpower and a lot of love to resurrect the dead, this is what Isis teaches us actually. To love more and then some more. And Cas loves back and he loves hard.

Castiel: You can prance and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I’m awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for…ever. For eternity.

He didn't come back because he annoyed an ancient cosmic being. He came back because he loved.

So Osiris/Cas are back to life and that's good, right? Well... yeahhh. The thing is that Osiris will then live in the world of the dead so he kinda doesn't really really stay alive for long. And Isis will follow him. Things will likely go bad for Cas.

But the story continues!

Set/Lucifer and Horus/Jack engage in a rather disturbing (in the myth) struggle for power. The myth has different endings: in one they reconcile, in another they divide the realm, in yet another one Horus is the one true winner. So we don't really know (from this point in the narrative) how things will actually turn out for the two of them.

Isn't it interesting? Well, it's not surprising because there is a connection between christian stories and greek and egyptian ones but still? Kinda cool to see how myths keep repeating and repeating. As if we're still trying to understand them.

Anyway: yes to the widower arc, yes to love piercing through the veil of death. Both ways! It takes the love of two to resurrect.

[ao3feed-destiel-02]

The Siren and the Viking

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/WA7ty3O by avide_reader Once upon a time, in the deepest dwellings of the sea, was a Siren that stared up at the skies with fascination and wonder. Once upon a time, up on the explored and unexplored lands of the world, was a Man that longed for nothing more than to sail at sea, the dangers nothing when aboard his drakkar. Once upon a time, there was a story of war and blood spilt between two peoples. But there was also a story of built trust, forged peace, and, unbelievably, love, between the two most unlikely of beings. Words: 43895, Chapters: 10/11, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: M/M Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Emma (Supernatural: Slice Girls), Eileen Leahy, Rowena MacLeod, John Winchester, Bobby Singer (Supernatural), Jo Harvelle, Ellen Harvelle, Rufus Turner, Benny Lafitte, God | Chuck Shurley, Amara (Supernatural), Meg | Demon Possessing Meg Masters, Crowley (Supernatural), Lucifer (Supernatural), Michael (Supernatural), Anna Milton Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Lydia (Supernatural: Slice Girls)/Dean Winchester Additional Tags: Creature Castiel (Supernatural), Siren Castiel (Supernatural), Viking AU, Viking Dean Winchester, Viking Sam Winchester, Psychic Sam Winchester, Historical Inaccuracy, Mythical Beings & Creatures, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Minor Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, Frottage, Betaed, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, reimagined fairytale, Violence, Non-graphic descriptions of animal death, Author tried to be as accurate as possible but rule of cool applies, DCBB 2023, Dean/Cas Big Bang 2023 (Supernatural), Dean/Cas Big Bang (Supernatural) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/WA7ty3O

[ywhiterain]

can you at least read in a third grade level

"Again and again, the show validates "found family" as a bond that is just as important, loving, and valuable (if not more so) as biological or 'blood' family."

Legacy, Hazel Domain

Supernatural is a horror story about family. The family you find is one element of the overall theme of 'family' that the narrative explores from time to time in a 300+ episode series. But it's pretty silly to think it's a story about found family or that found family ever has a much narrative focus as the bond between Sam and Dean. It goes back to Michael and Lucifer, Cain and Abel, Chuck and Amara.

The aspect of family supernatural was most concerned with was the one between siblings. Particularly between Sam and Dean. SPN was many a weird things with inconsistency across the board. Except for the fact that it was a story about Sam and Dean, their love that brought the world to the brink of destruction before saving it together, again and again.

"After all those 15 years "we understand you, our SPN family, Keep on fighting, and stuff," this was all just bullshit. They didn't just make bad ending, they destroyed 15 years of fandom experiences, told us it was all nothing. That wasn't sincere."

A quote from a anonymous fan in Legacy, Hazel Domain

How?

Look, the community Destiel shippers built didn't go anywhere. Well, communities, really. The things you did, the money you raised, the air you created, the home you made, the family that you found. It started out with a shared interested in a TV show. Themes you found resonated with you. But it did grow into something more. Because that's what fandom does. That's why fandom is so great. It's why it's always existed and will always exist in some way.

Supernatural made bank off of the #SPNFamily brand, but the grassroots. The heart of it all. That doesn't belong to the CW or J2 or any writer or show runner. It belongs to you.

I get what it's like when an ending of a story you really cared about lets you down. Believe me, I do. Anyone whose been in fandom long enough is going to have at least one horror story about a story that broke their hearts in a way that changed them forever.

Sometimes you let that story go. Sometimes you reclaim it with your own reading and ignore the stupid ass decisions that fucked it up (did you know The Vampire Dairies ended at season six and Elena's still a vampire? There are liars who say it went on two more years and she became human again, ignore them). Sometimes you come back to and it's still flawed but it also has the beauty you always loved and you create a new relationship with it.

But the community you belonged to goes way beyond Supernatural as a text. Don't give it up because it ended in a way you hated. And don't give me crap about how things suddenly changed after the finale ended and it broke fandom.

My sympathy ends here.

Because Supernatural was never a big happy family with a unified vision of what the show was. It's always been fractured and filled with wank and high minded discourse. Rewriting fandom history to justify being victimized and traumatized by how a TV show ended is mockable at best and grifting at worst.

[katsidhe]

Ranking Every SPN Season Finale

15) 11.23 Alpha and Omega. Dead last because not only is Chuck and Amara’s conflict defanged with a frankly silly anticlimax, but a lot of runtime is eaten up with establishing Lady Toni getting on a plane. The great weakness of an otherwise very strong season is that none of the awful compromises Sam and Dean and Cas made (especially Sam wrt Lucifer) ended up having relevance at all.

14) 9.23 Do You Believe In Miracles. Cheesy dying dialogue, Metatron hamming it up for way too long, that facepalming “the radio was on the whole! time!” twist, uncertainty as to the motivation of the whole confrontation that ends in Dean’s death. Also, this is the beginning of the end of walking back the beautiful work the rest of s9 established, with Sam saying things like “I lied.” I don’t like Dean’s death here at all, in staging, or conceptually, or thematically.

13) 12.23 All Along The Watchtower. I am basically obliged to put this in C tier because it is quite silly, but frankly, I like it more than its ranking deserves. It has the late season finale sin of cramming in an introduction to next season’s conflict in the middle of wrapping up this season’s—but it’s absolutely hilarious that they brought in multiverse portals. And for Sam and Dean, thank god the portal appeared, because otherwise they had absolutely no plan whatsoever to deal with Lucifer, and they probably would have died gruesomely. High points: Sam discovering Rowena’s death on the phone with Lucifer; the spooky introduction of Jack, the raised stakes with Mary trapped with Lucifer. Lowest point: the utter silly pointlessness of Cas’s death.

12) 10.23 Brother’s Keeper. This is the finale that I have the strongest mixed feelings about. There is a queasy lack of self-awareness in the treacly sentiment when Sam presents family photos as evidence of Dean’s goodness. The excuse of MOC!Dean as not the “real” Dean allows for the reasons behind this confrontation to be elided, even as its themes are echoed again and again. The chilling horror of Sam on his knees in front of Dean the executioner is potent and darkly enjoyable, but the instant redirection into attacking Death prevents any kind of real culmination. I can’t decide if I like this episode or loathe it, but I do think I appreciate it more now, after 14.20 and 15.17, than I did when it aired. 

11) 7.23 Survival of the Fittest. We’re on to B-tier! There’s nothing significantly wrong with 7.23. Meg crashes the Impala through a glass sign, so that’s fun. Kevin’s there. There’s action, there’s some cool stakes for next season established, Sam is left alone, which I love. The main sin here is just that most of it is fairly forgettable, because the strongest part of s7 was always the psychological drama of the Winchesters’ disintegration and isolation, not the physical conflict with Leviathans.

10) 14.20 Moriah. Lots of my points about 10.23 apply here, but Moriah is a much better episode, both because there is actual conflict of opinion, and because there is a lot more built-in uncertainty about Jack’s fate than Sam’s. Jack and Dean are onboard with Jack’s murder, just as Sam and Dean were agreed on Sam’s death in 10.23, but this time Cas is staunchly against it, and Sam is on the fence, torn as to how to intervene. So it’s much better drama. But then the crux of the issue gets defanged by Chuck’s reveal. Great s15 setup, but kicks the 14.17-14.19 build down the road. Extra points for Sam shooting God. 

9) 13.23 Let the Good Times Roll. I fucking love the 13.21-13.23 arc. The only thing preventing 13.23 from being A-tier are some wholly avoidable mistakes. The staging is silly; a face-palming amount of time was wasted on Maggie; the wires were a deeply regrettable choice. But even with all that, what we got was great, actually! The Sam-Jack-Lucifer church custody battle is still my favorite goddamn thing. Dean saying yes to Michael was both his only smart move and a devastating sacrifice. The character dynamics here are so JUICY. 13.21-14.01 is, IMO, one of the most fertile grounds for fic and speculation in the entire show.

8) 2.22 All Hell Breaks Loose, Part Two. Now we’re into finales that are fantastic without reservation. Off the devastation of Sam’s death comes Dean’s iconic deal. The actual confrontation in the graveyard is good too, though it’s second to the way we’re all reeling from part one. Azazel dies, Sam and Dean are bloodied and facing down new stakes. The only thing I dislike about this episode is John’s cameo.

7) 1.22 Devil’s Trap. This is the episode that ups the ante! Azazel in John, and Dean, and Sam, and the delicious family dynamic here; the stakes are so personal, and it’s a great examination what each of them is willing to pay for their quest: an electrifying taste of what’s to come. And the music, and the sheer fucking balls of just, crashing a goddamn truck into your main characters at the end of the first season. Nice.

6) 3.16 No Rest for the Wicked. Lilith is delightfully evil. We’re on tenterhooks for Sam to save Dean, we’re narratively primed to expect him to pull off something amazing, a last-minute miracle. But—nope! Sorry! Dean gets graphically ripped apart onscreen and now he’s being tortured in Hell! Shocking and bold, and a crucial turning point in the series. 

5) 4.22 Lucifer Rising. Fresh off 4.21 comes an excellent culmination of season 4′s devastation. The reveals from both Ruby and the angels, Sam draining the possessed nurse, Cas at last choosing to betray Heaven, and the final arrival of Lucifer: it all just works, really well. 

4) 15.20 Carry On. Part of the reason I’m ranking this so highly might be spite. But goddammit, bad wig and worse Carry On cover aside, this is a good episode, and a really, really good series finale! The deliberate anticlimax of Dean’s death, the quiet strength in Sam’s grief, the untroubled, unrushed pacing of Sam’s recovery and aging, and Dean’s drive. Supernatural said Sam Rights, and I wept like a tiny little baby. 

3) 6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much. Adventures in Sam’s mind! Cas and Crowley and Raphael and the double cross! The taste of cosmic horror! The end of season 6 and beginning of season 7, as Sam and Dean cope simultaneously with Sam’s psychological fallout and the consequences of their most powerful ally going off the rails, is fantastic. I love the literalism and the symbolism of Sam’s reintegration: this is an unapologetically Sam episode (as are the other top four, come to think of it). 

2) 8.23 Sacrifice. Sam’s heartbreaking deterioration in the church and Crowley’s disintegration are an electrifying climax to the trials. Dean and Sam’s final exchange is a breathtaking combination of raw emotion and delirium and a fascinating guilt trip. It’s a visually and conceptually stunning episode: the angels fall burning against a night sky; Sam surrenders the trials and collapses, dying. 

1) 5.22 Swan Song. You knew this would be number one, I knew this would be number one, we all knew this would be number one. It’s iconic for a reason. Sam and Lucifer talking through a mirror; the loss of all hope and the sky-high stakes. Stull Cemetery is the defining moment of so, so much of the rest of the series. Dean’s loyalty gives Sam the strength he needs to bury himself alive forever with his worst nightmare, and it saves the world, and it’s the highest cost either of them has ever paid.  

[mittensmorgul]

eeeee I’m very happy that a dead Cas is now officially chuck's ideal ending. (Kind of? I mean,,,, he told Sam that what he showed him is what would happen if TFW won, but it was still the ending *Chuck* has been wanting.) either way! It’s now textually part of the What We Absolutely Can’t Let Happen package!

Lol, I mean, a dead Sam and Dean are officially part of Chuck’s ideal ending, so it’s kinda like... if Chuck is targeting you like that, if he specifically and horrifically wants you off the table that bad because he knows that with you alive then his plans fall apart... yeah...  

Which, honestly... explains an awful lot why Chuck’s spent so much effort keeping Cas busy with other stuff in the past. I’m entirely rethinking s6 and s7 here, because this explains so much. It’s not that Cas was being controlled by anyone, but after 5.22, Cas... poked at things. He let (half of, anyway) Sam out of the cage, he stood up to Raphael who was scheduled to finish the apocalypse, and then he teamed up with Crowley to hoover all the souls out of Purgatory. 

I mean Chuck was probably giddy with anticipation over the leviathan getting freed, you know? He didn’t even have to interfere to bring on his monster apocalypse. Just sit back and watch the chaos. He didn’t even mind Death nudging Dean in the right direction a few times, because Dean was so busy with his own immediate problems he couldn’t figure out Death’s hints in time to stop Cas anyway... And then Cas inadvertently and conveniently cleared himself off the table once the monsters were free. And yet... something about this wasn’t entirely satisfying, and Cas was brought back without his memories and stashed away to what... to give Dean a bit of hope that Chuck could just dash again? Because then Cas stashed himself away AGAIN after fixing Sam and taking on the trauma that was killing him, and then stashed himself in Purgatory for a while before coming back as an unwitting pawn of Heaven.

I think Chuck enjoys watching Cas go through this over and over again.

“Punishment resurrection.”

But s15 TFW isn’t the same fractured and scattered TFW from s6. They know Chuck’s God. And they know he’s the antagonist who keeps pushing them through more and more horrific versions of his own ugly story.

Billie is not OG Death, and she’s willing to bide her time and plan.

Sam is not soulless. He’s been through all of this before, and he’s endured, and he’s gonna endure again. He may have had his hope shaken a bit, but I don’t think that’s something Chuck can actually take from him entirely. As long as he’s alive, there’s a chance.

Dean is not the grieving, out of the loop shell of himself he was in s6. He knows what’s going on now, even if everything seems kinda bleak... He’s already established that in addition to Sam (who’s not in hell or soulless now), he also needs Cas in his life, even if it’s just the two of them sitting at the table commiserating. 

And Cas... finally understands that Dean wants him to stay, needs him to stay, and that every time Dean has told him this before (even if it was worded differently, because Dean struggles to express himself directly) Cas had left anyway-- for Dean’s own safety, to shield Dean from having to do something terrible, to sacrifice himself so Dean wouldn’t have to-- Dean didn’t care because all he could see was I asked him to stay and he left anyway. I am not enough. I am not worth staying for. And now in Purgatory, they finally began to have that conversation. Cas got a win for Dean, a year worth of s8 prayers that Cas had heard have been condensed into a single prayer that finally brought them together instead of convincing Cas he needed to keep running away to protect Dean. Instead of shoving Dean through the portal and staying behind, Cas waited at the portal for Dean and they walked back through together. Almost like ALL of the things that have been haunting Cas and driving him to penance since s6 have at least begun to be addressed and resolved in s15.

What were we talking about at the top of this? I think I’ve gone off on a tangent again...

RIGHT! Chuck’s gotta nerf Cas for his plot to work out.

It’s wild, right? Because Chuck’s whole “This Is Your Future Life” episode he crafted to convince Sam that locking him away with a Mark is a terrible idea that can only end one way... Do you know how frustrating it must’ve been for Chuck to have to stop them from caging him? Because it was a double-edged sword. I mean, on the one hand, I’m sure he LOVED the idea of Cas slowly going mad with the Mark until Dean was compelled to lock him in a ma’lak box and bury him right along with his hope and happiness, but if they had succeeded in casting that spell, then CHUCK WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WATCH HIS FAVORITE SHOW. Like Amara in that same cage, his fun would’ve been over.

Can’t watch all the suffering if you’re locked in a cosmic dungeon!

It’s incredibly funny to me that Chuck convinced Sam that his nonsensical “future” was a true seeing, that he “shared his omniscience” with Sam with that watch. Because the one thing the show has demonstrated over the years that Chuck sincerely hopes they’ve forgotten, is that you can’t change the past, but the future is never set in stone until it comes to pass. And the future is built on choices.

Chuck can account for a lot of things, but he can’t account for Free Will. He can nudge, he can remove options, he can create roadblocks leaving only terrible choices open to them that will have awful consequences or require painful sacrifices, but... TFW has never completely done what they’re told, you know? Cas is the original “spanner in the works,” and Edlund once commented that yes, he has a “crack in his chassis,” but it’s a crack through which great things come. But Sam and Dean also have this frustrating and fascinating gift to stymie Chuck’s plot. 

And this is the true power of TFW. I think this is the tool they need to fully understand for themselves in order to finally win. They’ve been edging around it for a while, but Chuck always finds some way to foil them when they start getting close to examining their own wants. Like every time Dean starts talking about being able to take a vacation, or feeling hopeful that the future looks a little less bloodsoaked for them, Chuck steps in and throws them a monster of a curveball. Last time Dean started up with the toes-in-the-sand talk, he’d been possessed by AU Michael by the end of the episode, and crushed like a bug, his free will rendered entirely irrelevant. No amount of fighting against Michael, of telling him to get out, was able to free him. And then Chuck showed up again to hammer the lesson home. Only they learned a different lesson from the one he was trying to teach.

Heck, that’s another frustrating thing for Chuck, isn’t it? TFW has a long, long history of doing that.

Dabb even tweeted lyrics from “The End” by the Doors before this episode aired. Because this was a 5.04 redux, in a lot of ways. The circumstances of the future that Chuck imagined to horrify Sam may be entirely different, but the premise, the themes, the structure of it all... it’s functionally identical. But that was a distraction of sorts, as well. The other episode this referred back to... was 9.18.

Metatron showed his hand, revealed his process, and it’s identical to Chuck’s, because Metatron was just playing God, in the exact same way Chuck always did. He was a writer.

CASTIEL: And you did all this to make me a hero?METATRON [laughing]: Ah, that's priceless. Um no. You are not the hero in this mess-terpiece. You are the villain. I'm the hero.

and

METATRON: Didn't quite turn out as I'd planned, but that is why we rewrite. That was God's problem, you know... he published the first draft. You got to keep at it till you get all your ducks in a row.GADREEL: Was the Winchesters grabbing me part of your plan?METATRON: That was a surprise. But, hey, what writer doesn't love a good twist? My job is to set up interesting characters and see where they lead me. The by-product of having well-drawn characters is...They may surprise you. But I know something they don't know...the ending. How I get there doesn't matter as long as everybody plays their part.

Chuck also thinks he knows the ending. He’s absolutely convinced-- a la Lucifer’s conviction in 5.04 that “no matter what choices you make, we’ll always end up here,” and Metatron’s conviction that the ending was always destined to happen, couldn’t account for the true nature of humanity. Lucifer never saw it, because he never bothered to look for it. Metatron only saw it after he’d been rendered human himself. And Chuck? He thinks he understands, that his “omniscience” gives him a complete understanding of his creation, and yet... there’s things that humanity has created that he could never have dreamed up for himself.

He was right back in 11.22 (oh, hello Bobo episode again) when he told Amara that creation needed to be born, that it became something better than them. And yet Chuck can’t stop inflicting his own tired, formulaic story on his favorite characters. Because Amara was also right about him, that he was also greedy, and selfish, and only wanted to feel “big.” Chuck admitted that to Becky in 15.04, until he got over his writer’s block and started writing with a vengeance.

Wait, what was this about again? *scrolls up*

OH! Right! Nerfing Cas so the writer can have his way with everyone else. Kind of a long-standing tactic, no? And it’s not even about limiting Cas’s angel powers, but about Cas himself, and what he means to TFW. And it’s taken Cas a VERY long time to even begin to understand this. It’s not what he can do for them, it’s not being “useful” or “powerful” or being able to wave a hand and whoosh away the bad guy. It’s about him being HIM. It’s about him standing up to Dean and telling him he’s being stupid, and Dean listening and following him when if they’d gone their separate ways they both probably would’ve failed in Purgatory. It’s about them having each other’s backs and anticipating each other’s needs, and knowing that they aren’t alone and are wanted and needed because they are the best friend the other has ever had. And there’s something to that very human connection, that very human concept of family and love that Chuck... is incapable of understanding.

Whenever love rears its ugly head, Chuck rushes in to crush it. Because in love lies hope, lies a power that he can’t beat down. It’s a plot twist he can’t write his way out of.

Amara tried to give the very beginning of that to Dean in 11.23, to give him a chance to understand Mary, and Chuck couldn’t abide it. Jack is too powerful in a mojo-way, sure, but his true power for all of TFW was love. And Rowena-- pushed into self-sacrifice after Chuck “pinataed Hell”-- her entire journey into TFW had been about love.

Remember the plot of Metatron’s narrative? Love, and heartbreak, and love? Yeah. Remember how he thought he defeated Cas? By killing Dean Winchester? Yeah.

Big picture themes time? Chuck tried to drive wedges between TFW and everything they love. And has been trying to force his own contrived romance plots on them. But Chuck doesn’t understand love at all.

That’s their one true weapon against Chuck, if they each can learn to wield it.

How did my intended lol response to your question turn into this? That’s the cosmic lol for you.

[sageclover61]

Cas raised Sam right and took him with him to confront Raphael. Raphael recognized Sam for what he is instead of what he's meant to be but isn't, they fell in love. Amara still got freed, as did Lucifer. Raphael died in the fight against Amara. When Jack starts dying because of the loss of his Grace, Sam prays to his beloved archangel to return from the Empty to heal him the way only Heaven's Healer could.

Does this fic have a title? It does not, (yet). Also, I wrote this with the intention of both Sam and Raphael as being asexual.

Word count: 3074

Rating: TPairings: SaRaph + Destiel

Sam was torn, as he stood before  the small cairn of stone in the backyard of the bunker. There was a much fresher memorial beside it, but he paid that one no mind.

He probably should have been inside, offering what little comfort he could to the bedridden and dying nephilim inside. But Jack was sleeping. And as he looked down as the paper in his hand, he knew he had to try. Jack was the closest thing to a son he'd had ever thought he could have, and he had to try this one last desperate measure. Especially if it meant sharing the child he considered to be his adopted son with the love of his life.

This was not the first time he had done this, read a letter to Raphael at the spot he has built the memorial to them. It wasn't a grave, not with Amara having imploded Raphael and leaving nothing behind to burn or bury. Knowing what he did now, Sam half hoped Raphael had been able to hear them, but also felt divided on whether or not he wanted to succeed at this. Did Raphael not deserve the peace they all craved? But he also knew that if he did manage to wake Raphael, the Healer would fix this, if they were able to. And maybe this could be the very last time they all tried to save the world. It was time to retire and raise the new generation of hunters and let them take over.

Sam didn’t need the white picket fence and the apple pie life, but he wanted his mate. The one who understood him better than anyone else ever had.

Amara had given Dean a “gift”, but no one had ever asked him if there was anything he wanted or needed.

“Dean Raphael,” Sam said, hoping, praying. He had poured every ounce of his lover and hope into this letter. This prayer. “If we had known Gabriel was alive all those years ago, I know you would have led the battle against the Prince of Hell and his legions of demons, I would have been there right by your side. I wish you had been here to dissuade him from yet more self sacrifice. You were the same way, I recall, and I’ve always been that way too, but we were good for each other. I also just wish I could have gotten to know the side of him you always talked about when you talked about your little brother, and I wish you could have seen him again. But I talked about Gabriel in my last letter and I have something a little more pressing to tell you now.

“I’ve told you about your nephew, Jack Kline. He saved us from the apocalypse ‘verse Michael and helped us get out of apocalypse World. But there’s something wrong with him and he’s dying. I wish you were here to heal him, and I wish you could have met him. He’s a sweet little kid for all that he looks like a young adult, and because we’ve been raising him, I suppose I can’t help but think of his as kind of like my own son, and I do really wish I could share this with you. I know we never really talked about having our own kids, biological or otherwise, especially what with us still being firmly rooted in the hunter lifestyle. But I’m definitely ready to give that all up if I can just share this with you. Please.

"But you deserve your peace, too, and I hope that at the very least you are at peace. I just want you to know that only you will ever hold the keys to my heart, and I miss you so much.

"Please come back to me.”

Sam took the matchbook from his pocket, and used it to set the letter on fire over the cairn, just as he had with all the other letters. He knew it probably affected nothing, meant nothing, but it mattered to him.

“Please come back to me,” he repeated, whispered, as his eyes watered. He didn’t want to lose any more of the people that he cared about. Not both the love of his life and the kid he would never stop wishing he could have raised with his mate.

Amara had obliterated Raphael near the beginning of that whole thing. She’d gone straight for Heaven, intent on killing the first of Chuck’s creations that she had so despised.

Neither she nor Chuck had offered any condolences for that. They’d never said anything at all, with the possible exception of calling it “a most unfortunate tragedy” but he couldn’t really remember that conversation, as he had been too filled with anger and grief to really register it. They had just… left. Like nothing else mattered at all, and Dean hadn’t understood his grief either. No one had.

But you don’t share life altering love with another being for five years and then just let it go when they disappear from your life entirely.

“Look what I found!”

The shout from a voice he wasn’t expecting to ever hear again in either life nor death had Sam turning around as he blinked past the tears falling down his face. Cocky Gabriel was standing there, cocky grin on his face, but as soon as Sam saw who he had brought with him, he had eyes for nothing else. The vessel was new, taller than he was, and more obviously androgynous, but besides that it seemed to be an almost perfect mix of their two last vessels. Sam hoped that meant Raphael was would be more comfortable in it than in their previous vessels, but Sam cared nothing about their physical appearance.

“Raph!” he shouted running forward and wrapping around his mate. “You’re here!”

“I love you,” Raphael whispered in Sam’s ear, as they returned Sam’s hug in the way best done by the taller person. There were reasons they had waited so long for Gabriel to help finish making them this perfect vessel. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Hey! What am I, chopped liver?”

Sam glance over at Gabriel, but the younger archangel did not appear to actually be offended, as he was grinning happily at them.

“Gabriel," Raphael scolded without looking at their brother. "I have not seen my mate in four years, let us have this moment.”

“Okay, okay. But I’m pretty sure Sam mentioned a matter of timely importance.”

“I would like to meet this child you want to be ours,” Raphael agreed, but allowed Sam to pull away from the hug first. They didn’t not remain separated for long, as Sam took one of their hands a second later.

Sam studied the way Raphael’s hand fit snugly into his larger hand. He had missed this so much it still ached like a fresh wound. But Raphael was here before him and he almost couldn’t believe it.

“Jack’s inside,” he said finally, and then led the way. Dean was nowhere to be seen when Sam led the two archangels into Jack’s room. Castiel alone sat in the chair by the head of the bed.

Castiel looked up as they entered the room. “Gabriel, Raphael. I am glad to see you both alive and well.”

“Where is Dean?” Sam asked. He knew he had to reveal this to Dean sooner over later, but he was glad Dean was not in the room because he didn’t want any screaming matches to occur in Jack’s bedroom.

“I sent him to the store,” Castiel said, “to buy some random objects. It should keep him busy for the next two hours. I didn’t want him to cause a scene when there are more important things at stake.”

Raphael nodded. “Thank you. I would like to heal the child, if I might have a closer look? Can you tell me what you know about what happened?”

“He’s dying from low grace levels,” Castiel explained, standing so Raphael could take the seat he had been occupying. “His organs are failing.”

“Low grace levels isn’t usually fatal...Nephilim do have a higher chance of death from that, but only when… What did you do?”

“We tried to give him the remaining vial of Gabriel’s grace we tracked down from a shaman. But Jack had a bad reaction to it,” Sam explained. “The low grace levels are from destroying the Michael in the alternate universe, and whatever he’s been up lately.”

“Of course he had a bad reaction to my grace!” Gabriel shouted. He sighed, taking a moment to compose himself. “I ran with the pagans for a really long time. Long enough it made permanent alterations to the makeup of my grace. Think STDs, except for Grace. But it also means that it isn’t compatible with anyone else’s anymore, even those with whom it would have been compatible in the beginning.”

“Grace has compatibilities?” Sam asked.

Raphael put a hand on Jack’s forehead. “It’s a little bit like how human blood has rules for whose is compatible with who, with a few things such as Gabriel’s experiences with the Pagan or Lucifer’s causes it to shift, but it also has natural rules it follows as well. In the beginning, each archangel had a different type, and all the ranks of angels that followed had one of those four. My grace is a bit like the universal donor, probably for cases like this. There’s probably instances where it could be rejected, same for the incredibly rare human blood types such as hh, but I’ve never seen it happen.”

“Even Lucifer’s?” Castiel asked.

“Jacks’ grace is not identical to what Lucifer’s grace looked like in recent times. There’s a small genetic component sure, possibly similar to Lucifer’s original grace type, which was not the universal recipient, but his own choices and actions are also apart of the equation. I would be shocked if my grace was rejected by the good kid Sam described to me the last two years.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “You heard my prayers?”

“I heard all of your prayers addressed to me,” Rapahel answered. “I was just unable to return before now, and I apologize for that.”

Rapahel’s eyes glowed the soft blue of grace being used and Jack’s flew open, unseeing but filled with the same effect.

“Do you want a snack, Sam?” Cas asked.

Sam didn’t register that Castiel was talking to him, too busy entranced by Raphael’s ethereal presence.

All too soon, the light faded and Jack’s eyes closed. Raphael took an unsteady step backwards, but Sam was right there to support them. “Are you okay?” Sam asked, and Castiel asked if Jack would be alright.

“I’m fine, Sam. It’s just been awhile since I’ve done something like this. But I wouldn’t be opposed to retiring for the evening. Jack is also recovering. I imagine he will sleep until sometime this evening or tomorrow morning. Would you like to join me, Sam?”

Sam nodded, and they walked hand in hand back to their shared room. The room looked untouched to Rapahel, as though no one had stepped into it since Amara had exploded him almost four years previously. There was also not a single spec of dust, thought it almost felt as if that had been a recent change, as there was a very faint feeling of lingering grace having performed the single act of freshening the space. But it was clear to him that Sam had not been sleeping in here. Not once.

“Do you want to change into something more comfortable?” Sam asked. “We might need to go shopping, but I think this will fit?”

Raphael agreed about about getting some new clothing, their new vessel was taller and shaped differently than their previous ones. Gabriel had helped them finish it, but it had been an idea they’d contemplated even before Amara had imploded them.

Sam was holding a long silky sleep shirt that they had given to him, though he’d only worn it a few times.

They had worn it more, back then. It wasn’t really Sam’s aesthetic, but there was just something pleasant about stealing clothing from Sam’s wardrobe.

This form was built more petite than Sam, still, just taller. They had mainly wanted something androgynous, so they could really feel like themself in this skin, but they’d kept Sam in mind too. 

They smiled at Sam. “I would like that.”

There was a wicker laundry basket under the desk and Sam put his jeans and flannel into it, leaving his t-shirt and underwear on.

Raphael stripped, slowly so that they could show off this vessel to Sam, but not so slowly that it was a tease. Sam hummed appreciatively, but he did not seem interested in anything more than that.

“Gabriel helped me make this vessel for me, do you like it?”

Sam smiled and nodded. “Are you happy and comfortable in it?”

“I like that it allows me the freedom to change what gender is present down there. Are you feeling up for a demonstration?’

“Maybe some other time?” Sam shook his head, but he was still smiling. He passed Raphael the sleep shirt. “Will you just hold me, tonight?”

“Of course.”

Together, they pulled the comforter back from the top of the bed so that they could crawl under the sheets and blankets.

Sam intended to fall asleep last, as he wanted to savor that he was lying next to his mate who he had missed so much, had longed for the return of. But he had not slept well in so long that it was impossible to say awake.

Raphael took longer to fall asleep.They were tired from the grace transfusion, but they did not really need sleep. Just to rest quietly.

The unaltered state of the room concerned them, because it felt like Sam had not moved on at all, had perhaps not had the opportunity to finish grieving.

Sam looked small tucked beside them. Weary, desperate. It did not suit him, and Raphael hoped their return could help ease him. They closed their eyes, letting Sam's presence soothe them in return. They had missed sleeping and waking up with their mate in their arms.

Sam’s cry woke Raphael sometime later. It seemed to have woken Sam as well, though Raphael noticed that Sam did not wake instantly as he used to.

Was that because they were here now and Sam’s subconscious remember he was safe? Had Sam broken the habit of waking instantly himself? Or was this something else entirely?Sam woke slowly in a tight embrace, tears falling down his face. He’d been having a nice dream about Raphael being back and he didn’t want to wake up for fear of it having been nothing more than a dream.

There was a gentle rumble next to him, followed by what had to be an Enochian lullaby and he blinked wearily at the figure holding him. “Raphael,” he croaked hoarsely. “You are here.”

“I’m right here, Beloved,” Raphael swore. “Right where I belong.”

Sam cried harder into Raphael’s shirt, fingers wrapping tightly around the hem of the fabric.

Raphael held Sam tighter and resumed singing the Enochian lullabies they had half forgotten. Sam did not seem settled enough to go back to sleep, but that did not mean that they were not going to soothe and comfort him to the best of their abilities.

Sam could not sleep and did not want to. He layed curled in Raphael's arms and let their voice ground him in the present and reassure him that this was very real and that everything would be okay.

Raphael was sure that Sam was almost ready to fall asleep unintentionally a while later, but that was right when their bedroom door opened quietly.

Gabriel stood in the dark corridor, a platter in his hands. Besides him, Jack was gripping Gabriel's shirt. Raphael was unable to tell whether that was because Jack was unsteady on his feet, or simply terrified.

"I brought some grilled cheeses," Gabriel said. "I thought you lovebirds might like some nourishment."

Sam blushed crimson and tried to hide under Raphael and the blankets. Raphael laughed because it was nice to see Sam embarrassed rather than so afraid of losing them again.

"Uh huh," Raphael said. "Sam? Do you think you can eat some sandwiches?" Even if Sam said no, they intended to see if they could get him to eat a little. Sam looked more gaunt than they remembered him being and they had both missed the reasonable dinner hour by sleeping it away.

Sam shrugged, which Raphael was going to take. "Looks like we could eat those sandwiches."

"I also brought Jack. He got lost looking for you guys so I got him to help me make these."

That got Sam's attention and he sat up. "I'd love a sandwich. Jack, do you want to come lie down up here? There's plenty of room for all of us. You were sleeping, but my mate, Raphael, here, saved your life."

 Gabriel handed the tray to Jack and Jack brought it over to Sam. "You did?" he asked, addressing Raphael.

"I did. I've heard a lot about you from Sam, but circumstances prevented me from coming sooner. I'm really glad to meet you now though. Are you feeling better? I don't think you'll be completely well for a few days, but you should be fine with a few days of rest and low energy activities. No smiting anything."

"I'm okay, thank you."

Sam took the tray from Jack as Gabriel shut the door as he left. "Why don't you climb up here between us? It's nice and warm up here."

Jack considered the instruction for a moment, then followed the directions, scrambling over Sam and into the space between them.

"I was just singing some Enochian lullabies for Sam, would you like to hear them too?" Raphael asked as they tucked Jack under the covers.

Jack nodded, so Raphael resumed their singing and Sam held their hand behind Jack's head as he leaned against the headboard eating the sandwiches.

Raphael banished the tray to the kitchen when Sam had eaten his fill, and they smiled as Sam curled up protectively behind Jack and followed the child's lead at returning to sleep.

This was the "Heaven" they had all been waiting for.

Sam was torn, as he stood before  the small cairn of stone in the backyard of the bunker. There was a much fresher memorial beside it, but he paid that one no mind.

He probably should have been inside, offering what little comfort he could to the bedridden and dying nephilim inside. But Jack was sleeping. And as he looked down as the paper in his hand, he knew he had to try. Jack was the closest thing to a son he'd had ever thought he could have, and he had to try this one last desperate measure. Especially if it meant sharing the child he considered to be his adopted son with the love of his life.

This was not the first time he had done this, read a letter to Raphael at the spot he has built the memorial to them. It wasn't a grave, not with Amara having imploded Raphael and leaving nothing behind to burn or bury. Knowing what he did now, Sam half hoped Raphael had been able to hear them, but also felt divided on whether or not he wanted to succeed at this. Did Raphael not deserve the peace they all craved? But he also knew that if he did manage to wake Raphael, the Healer would fix this, if they were able to. And maybe this could be the very last time they all tried to save the world. It was time to retire and raise the new generation of hunters and let them take over.

Sam didn’t need the white picket fence and the apple pie life, but he wanted his mate. The one who understood him better than anyone else ever had.

Amara had given Dean a “gift”, but no one had ever asked him if there was anything he wanted or needed.

“Dean Raphael,” Sam said, hoping, praying. He had poured every ounce of his lover and hope into this letter. This prayer. “If we had known Gabriel was alive all those years ago, I know you would have led the battle against the Prince of Hell and his legions of demons, I would have been there right by your side. I wish you had been here to dissuade him from yet more self sacrifice. You were the same way, I recall, and I’ve always been that way too, but we were good for each other. I also just wish I could have gotten to know the side of him you always talked about when you talked about your little brother, and I wish you could have seen him again. But I talked about Gabriel in my last letter and I have something a little more pressing to tell you now.

“I’ve told you about your nephew, Jack Kline. He saved us from the apocalypse ‘verse Michael and helped us get out of apocalypse World. But there’s something wrong with him and he’s dying. I wish you were here to heal him, and I wish you could have met him. He’s a sweet little kid for all that he looks like a young adult, and because we’ve been raising him, I suppose I can’t help but think of his as kind of like my own son, and I do really wish I could share this with you. I know we never really talked about having our own kids, biological or otherwise, especially what with us still being firmly rooted in the hunter lifestyle. But I’m definitely ready to give that all up if I can just share this with you. Please.

"But you deserve your peace, too, and I hope that at the very least you are at peace. I just want you to know that only you will ever hold the keys to my heart, and I miss you so much.

"Please come back to me.”

Sam took the matchbook from his pocket, and used it to set the letter on fire over the cairn, just as he had with all the other letters. He knew it probably affected nothing, meant nothing, but it mattered to him.

“Please come back to me,” he repeated, whispered, as his eyes watered. He didn’t want to lose any more of the people that he cared about. Not both the love of his life and the kid he would never stop wishing he could have raised with his mate.

Amara had obliterated Raphael near the beginning of that whole thing. She’d gone straight for Heaven, intent on killing the first of Chuck’s creations that she had so despised.

Neither she nor Chuck had offered any condolences for that. They’d never said anything at all, with the possible exception of calling it “a most unfortunate tragedy” but he couldn’t really remember that conversation, as he had been too filled with anger and grief to really register it. They had just… left. Like nothing else mattered at all, and Dean hadn’t understood his grief either. No one had.

But you don’t share life altering love with another being for five years and then just let it go when they disappear from your life entirely.

“Look what I found!”

The shout from a voice he wasn’t expecting to ever hear again in either life nor death had Sam turning around as he blinked past the tears falling down his face. Cocky Gabriel was standing there, cocky grin on his face, but as soon as Sam saw who he had brought with him, he had eyes for nothing else. The vessel was new, taller than he was, and more obviously androgynous, but besides that it seemed to be an almost perfect mix of their two last vessels. Sam hoped that meant Raphael was would be more comfortable in it than in their previous vessels, but Sam cared nothing about their physical appearance.

“Raph!” he shouted running forward and wrapping around his mate. “You’re here!”

“I love you,” Raphael whispered in Sam’s ear, as they returned Sam’s hug in the way best done by the taller person. There were reasons they had waited so long for Gabriel to help finish making them this perfect vessel. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Hey! What am I, chopped liver?”

Sam glance over at Gabriel, but the younger archangel did not appear to actually be offended, as he was grinning happily at them.

“Gabriel," Raphael scolded without looking at their brother. "I have not seen my mate in four years, let us have this moment.”

“Okay, okay. But I’m pretty sure Sam mentioned a matter of timely importance.”

“I would like to meet this child you want to be ours,” Raphael agreed, but allowed Sam to pull away from the hug first. They didn’t not remain separated for long, as Sam took one of their hands a second later.

Sam studied the way Raphael’s hand fit snugly into his larger hand. He had missed this so much it still ached like a fresh wound. But Raphael was here before him and he almost couldn’t believe it.

“Jack’s inside,” he said finally, and then led the way. Dean was nowhere to be seen when Sam led the two archangels into Jack’s room. Castiel alone sat in the chair by the head of the bed.

Castiel looked up as they entered the room. “Gabriel, Raphael. I am glad to see you both alive and well.”

“Where is Dean?” Sam asked. He knew he had to reveal this to Dean sooner over later, but he was glad Dean was not in the room because he didn’t want any screaming matches to occur in Jack’s bedroom.

“I sent him to the store,” Castiel said, “to buy some random objects. It should keep him busy for the next two hours. I didn’t want him to cause a scene when there are more important things at stake.”

Raphael nodded. “Thank you. I would like to heal the child, if I might have a closer look? Can you tell me what you know about what happened?”

“He’s dying from low grace levels,” Castiel explained, standing so Raphael could take the seat he had been occupying. “His organs are failing.”

“Low grace levels isn’t usually fatal...Nephilim do have a higher chance of death from that, but only when… What did you do?”

“We tried to give him the remaining vial of Gabriel’s grace we tracked down from a shaman. But Jack had a bad reaction to it,” Sam explained. “The low grace levels are from destroying the Michael in the alternate universe, and whatever he’s been up lately.”

“Of course he had a bad reaction to my grace!” Gabriel shouted. He sighed, taking a moment to compose himself. “I ran with the pagans for a really long time. Long enough it made permanent alterations to the makeup of my grace. Think STDs, except for Grace. But it also means that it isn’t compatible with anyone else’s anymore, even those with whom it would have been compatible in the beginning.”

“Grace has compatibilities?” Sam asked.

Raphael put a hand on Jack’s forehead. “It’s a little bit like how human blood has rules for whose is compatible with who, with a few things such as Gabriel’s experiences with the Pagan or Lucifer’s causes it to shift, but it also has natural rules it follows as well. In the beginning, each archangel had a different type, and all the ranks of angels that followed had one of those four. My grace is a bit like the universal donor, probably for cases like this. There’s probably instances where it could be rejected, same for the incredibly rare human blood types such as hh, but I’ve never seen it happen.”

“Even Lucifer’s?” Castiel asked.

“Jacks’ grace is not identical to what Lucifer’s grace looked like in recent times. There’s a small genetic component sure, possibly similar to Lucifer’s original grace type, which was not the universal recipient, but his own choices and actions are also apart of the equation. I would be shocked if my grace was rejected by the good kid Sam described to me the last two years.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “You heard my prayers?”

“I heard all of your prayers addressed to me,” Raphael answered. “I was just unable to return before now, and I apologize for that.”

Rapahel’s eyes glowed the soft blue of grace being used and Jack’s flew open, unseeing but filled with the same effect.

“Do you want a snack, Sam?” Cas asked.

Sam didn’t register that Castiel was talking to him, too busy entranced by Raphael’s ethereal presence.

All too soon, the light faded and Jack’s eyes closed. Raphael took an unsteady step backwards, but Sam was right there to support them. “Are you okay?” Sam asked, and Castiel asked if Jack would be alright.

“I’m fine, Sam. It’s just been awhile since I’ve done something like this. But I wouldn’t be opposed to retiring for the evening. Jack is also recovering. I imagine he will sleep until sometime this evening or tomorrow morning. Would you like to join me, Sam?”

Sam nodded, and they walked hand in hand back to their shared room. The room looked untouched to Rapahel, as though no one had stepped into it since Amara had exploded him almost four years previously. There was also not a single spec of dust, thought it almost felt as if that had been a recent change, as there was a very faint feeling of lingering grace having performed the single act of freshening the space. But it was clear to him that Sam had not been sleeping in here. Not once.

“Do you want to change into something more comfortable?” Sam asked. “We might need to go shopping, but I think this will fit?”

Raphael agreed about about getting some new clothing, their new vessel was taller and shaped differently than their previous ones. Gabriel had helped them finish it, but it had been an idea they’d contemplated even before Amara had imploded them.

Sam was holding a long silky sleep shirt that they had given to him, though he’d only worn it a few times.

They had worn it more, back then. It wasn’t really Sam’s aesthetic, but there was just something pleasant about stealing clothing from Sam’s wardrobe.

This form was built more petite than Sam, still, just taller. They had mainly wanted something androgynous, so they could really feel like themself in this skin, but they’d kept Sam in mind too. 

They smiled at Sam. “I would like that.”

There was a wicker laundry basket under the desk and Sam put his jeans and flannel into it, leaving his t-shirt and underwear on.

Raphael stripped, slowly so that they could show off this vessel to Sam, but not so slowly that it was a tease. Sam hummed appreciatively, but he did not seem interested in anything more than that.

“Gabriel helped me make this vessel for me, do you like it?”

Sam smiled and nodded. “Are you happy and comfortable in it?”

“I like that it allows me the freedom to change what gender is present down there. Are you feeling up for a demonstration?’

“Maybe some other time?” Sam shook his head, but he was still smiling. He passed Raphael the sleep shirt. “Will you just hold me, tonight?”

“Of course.”

Together, they pulled the comforter back from the top of the bed so that they could crawl under the sheets and blankets.

Sam intended to fall asleep last, as he wanted to savor that he was lying next to his mate who he had missed so much, had longed for the return of. But he had not slept well in so long that it was impossible to say awake.

Raphael took longer to fall asleep.They were tired from the grace transfusion, but they did not really need sleep. Just to rest quietly.

The unaltered state of the room concerned them, because it felt like Sam had not moved on at all, had perhaps not had the opportunity to finish grieving.

Sam looked small tucked beside them. Weary, desperate. It did not suit him, and Raphael hoped their return could help ease him. They closed their eyes, letting Sam's presence soothe them in return. They had missed sleeping and waking up with their mate in their arms.

Sam’s cry woke Raphael sometime later. It seemed to have woken Sam as well, though Raphael noticed that Sam did not wake instantly as he used to.

Was that because they were here now and Sam’s subconscious remember he was safe? Had Sam broken the habit of waking instantly himself? Or was this something else entirely?Sam woke slowly in a tight embrace, tears falling down his face. He’d been having a nice dream about Raphael being back and he didn’t want to wake up for fear of it having been nothing more than a dream.

There was a gentle rumble next to him, followed by what had to be an Enochian lullaby and he blinked wearily at the figure holding him. “Raphael,” he croaked hoarsely. “You are here.”

“I’m right here, Beloved,” Raphael swore. “Right where I belong.”

Sam cried harder into Raphael’s shirt, fingers wrapping tightly around the hem of the fabric.

Raphael held Sam tighter and resumed singing the Enochian lullabies they had half forgotten. Sam did not seem settled enough to go back to sleep, but that did not mean that they were not going to soothe and comfort him to the best of their abilities.

Sam could not sleep and did not want to. He layed curled in Raphael's arms and let their voice ground him in the present and reassure him that this was very real and that everything would be okay.

Raphael was sure that Sam was almost ready to fall asleep unintentionally a while later, but that was right when their bedroom door opened quietly.

Gabriel stood in the dark corridor, a platter in his hands. Besides him, Jack was gripping Gabriel's shirt. Raphael was unable to tell whether that was because Jack was unsteady on his feet, or simply terrified.

"I brought some grilled cheeses," Gabriel said. "I thought you lovebirds might like some nourishment."

Sam blushed crimson and tried to hide under Raphael and the blankets. Raphael laughed because it was nice to see Sam embarrassed rather than so afraid of losing them again.

"Uh huh," Raphael said. "Sam? Do you think you can eat some sandwiches?" Even if Sam said no, they intended to see if they could get him to eat a little. Sam looked more gaunt than they remembered him being and they had both missed the reasonable dinner hour by sleeping it away.

Sam shrugged, which Raphael was going to take. "Looks like we could eat those sandwiches."

"I also brought Jack. He got lost looking for you guys so I got him to help me make these."

That got Sam's attention and he sat up. "I'd love a sandwich. Jack, do you want to come lie down up here? There's plenty of room for all of us. You were sleeping, but my mate, Raphael, here, saved your life."

 Gabriel handed the tray to Jack and Jack brought it over to Sam. "You did?" he asked, addressing Raphael.

"I did. I've heard a lot about you from Sam, but circumstances prevented me from coming sooner. I'm really glad to meet you now though. Are you feeling better? I don't think you'll be completely well for a few days, but you should be fine with a few days of rest and low energy activities. No smiting anything."

"I'm okay, thank you."

Sam took the tray from Jack as Gabriel shut the door as he left. "Why don't you climb up here between us? It's nice and warm up here."

Jack considered the instruction for a moment, then followed the directions, scrambling over Sam and into the space between them.

"I was just singing some Enochian lullabies for Sam, would you like to hear them too?" Raphael asked as they tucked Jack under the covers.

Jack nodded, so Raphael resumed their singing and Sam held their hand behind Jack's head as he leaned against the headboard eating the sandwiches.

Raphael banished the tray to the kitchen when Sam had eaten his fill, and they smiled as Sam curled up protectively behind Jack and followed the child's lead at returning to sleep.

This was the "Heaven" they had all been waiting for.

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Chuck accidentally set up his own demise.

This meta was produced in the Profound Bond discord. @blueeyesandpie came up with the basics, I ran off with it, and others helped flesh it out. Chuck built TFW to fulfill certain roles: Dean as executioner. Sam as rebellious evil. Castiel as protector. Jack as villain. In doing so, Chuck accidentally set up his own demise.

Sam is THE wayward son. He has devil blood in his veins, he’s Lucifer's perfect vessel, he was always intended to rebel, and repeatedly prophesied to go big bad. He was judged negatively by the angels, who represented Heaven.. Castiel called him “the boy with the demon blood” and an “abomination”. In 5.16 (Dark Side of the Moon), Joshua tells Sam that Chuck granted him salvation--judging him harshly for his past actions, even though Sam had good intentions.

Sam’s desire to live a safe, normal life could never happen because Chuck cursed him and doomed him to play a certain part: to rebel and be killed by his older brother, the Righteous Man. The order was passed down through John, but ultimately it was from Chuck, who wanted Dean to kill Sam as part of a grand story.

Originally, Sam did as he was made to do. He argued with John repeatedly and was punished for his disobedience, which only increased his hatred and rage. Like Lucifer, he left his family, which was supposed to be the breaking point for his relationship with Dean. It almost was. In the first season, Sam and Dean’s differing view of their father and how obedient they should be to him nearly drove them apart. The brothers reconciled after a brief time apart, and Sam returned to hunting life, but he maintained his desire to leave it and, by extension, Dean.

As the brothers grew closer and Sam's destiny was revealed, Sam accepted Dean's role as God's executioner and asked Dean to kill him 2.11(Playthings). He debated with Dean over which creatures were deserving of death, but never questioned Dean as the enforcer.

In order to push Sam to the darkside and better prepare him for his role as Lucifer’s vessel, Sam was manipulated and eventually killed in order that Dean would sell his soul and a greater rift between the brothers could be forced open. Ruby planted the seeds, in part by convincing Sam that Dean could not be trusted to do what needed to be done. Sam lost faith in Dean's role as enforcer. In season 4, Chuck, the angels, and demons nearly succeeded in tearing the brothers apart, but they stood by each other in the end.

In season 5, both brothers were repeatedly told by the angels to play their parts. Gabriel took this to an extreme. It nearly worked, with Dean just about to fit into the role Chuck had clearly laid out for him. Despite everything that heaven and hell (including Chuck) threw at them, despite multiple attempts to tear them apart, Sam and Dean stood by each other. Sam forgave and loved Dean, and Dean, in turn, seeing how much faith Sam had in him, forgave and found faith in Sam. In the end, Dean refused to follow his destiny/role and kill Sam.

In 5.23 (Swan Song), Chuck acknowledges that it ended up different than what he expected it to, but he supported the change - Dean saving Sam instead of killing him, because Chuck knew the story wasn’t over yet and he’d grown rather fond of the Sam and Dean adventure. He stood by as Sam fell into hell and was tortured so badly, his soul was practically skinned alive.

Then Jack enters the picture. Perhaps Chuck meant for Jack to appear. Perhaps Chuck didn’t expect him. Sam notes that Chuck seems afraid of Jack. Maybe there’s something in one of Billie’s books that says Jack kills or replaces Chuck? Maybe Chuck knows that Jack can replace him? Maybe Jack just throws too much chaos into the system, like a character in a book or fanfic stepping out of the page.

Perhaps it has something to do with the Grace and soul combined.

Archangels were created first, but Chuck stopped at four. Why? Probably because they were too powerful. They have free will, they can think, and they can destroy Chuck’s creations. Chuck likes being in full control. He locked away Amara because she got in his way. He used Lucifer to lock up Amara and, when he couldn't control Lucifer, he locked him away too.

Souls are repeatedly mentioned as powerful in the Supernatural world. A creature with the power of an archangel, but the soul of a human to power it may be powerful enough to destroy Chuck. Perhaps all the rules against nephilim were created by Chuck to prevent any from being made.

So why doesn’t he just kill Jack? I think he thought he could control the story still. I think he didn’t realize how fast it was running away from him.

All this time, Chuck has been dismissive of Sam. He doesn’t realize that he’s built one of the weapons of his own demise. He kept punishing Sam. Indirectly, he killed Sam’s loved ones, he criticized Sam for his choices without giving him options, he punished him through the universe for his later attempts at leaving the hunting life. He threw him to Lucifer like a chew toy. And what does Sam do with all that hate and rage? He loves. He loves the son of Lucifer.

Meanwhile, Dean was supposed to kill the son of Lucifer. Castiel was dead, Mary was dead (as far as Dean knew), and all of creation said that this creature must die. Once again, the instructions were passed from father figure to son. Once again, Dean was placed in the role of executioner, and he accepted this role without question.

But Dean was never going to be the perfect soldier either of his father figures wanted. Chuck had set Dean up to be the Righteous Man, built to punish those who deserve it. Originally that was supposed to be Sam and Lucifer. Then it was supposed to be Jack. At multiple points throughout the show has Dean acted as judge, jury, and executioner. Dean, like Michael, was built to keep things in line and enforce Chuck's order.

In the end, Dean turns his judgement on the actual monster--Chuck. Chuck built Dean to stop his big bad, not realizing that Dean would judge him as the big bad.

Similarly, Castiel was meant to just keep the Winchesters alive and power them up to fight more and bigger bads, but along the way, Castiel became something more. Castiel’s real rebellion is loving Jack in a way Chuck never could. Angels shouldn’t even be capable of love, but Castiel learned how to love from the Winchesters, not the blind obedience Chuck wanted.

All of Team Free Will broke out of the cycle of abuse left by their fathers.

Dean was able to overcome his soldier programming and sense of duty. He became the dad who treats his son as a child, not a soldier, and takes him fishing. John told Dean to kill Sam if he couldn’t save him, but Dean refused to kill Sam, even when Sam was possessed. Chuck ordered Dean to kill Jack and Dean refused. He defied both John and Chuck, rejecting his role and saving his family members.

Sam was able to overcome John’s and Chuck’s attempts to reduce his autonomy and force him into certain roles. He respected Jack’s wishes and choices, even when he disagreed. He broke free of the roles his father figures expected him to play, and now lives on his terms; not theirs. He prayed and respected God, but unlike his own father, who believed he needed to die, he refused to kill Jack and turned the gun on God himself. He rebelled all right, but not in the way Chuck wanted him to.

Castiel was able to overcome being abandoned by his own father to be by Jack’s side and love him unconditionally. Punishment was never his focus, but rehabilitation. Forgiveness instead of wrath.

In 6.22, Castiel sat on a bench and begged God for help. Chuck didn’t answer. In seasons 5 and 14, Castiel begged for help from his father only, when Chuck finally showed up in 14, he didn’t come to help Castiel, but to kill. Castiel never turned his back on Jack, never neglected him, never saw him as the monster nearly everyone else said he was. When Jack went down his own Godstiel path, Castiel remembered what the Winchesters had taught them, remembered how Sam had saved him through forgiveness and love. He used that knowledge to meet Jack on a bench, giving him the support and guidance he sought from his own father and never received.

Castiel started out with firm faith in heaven and God. He lost that over time, lost faith in humanity, and even lost faith in Sam and Dean. However, Sam and Dean proved themselves worthy of his early faith, and he carried that forward and beyond, to have faith in love and family, even when Sam and Dean lost theirs.

Team Free Will have proven that they are more than the roles Chuck expected them to play. They’ve proven they will stand by love and family up against monsters, demons, angels, and even God himself.

That’s exactly why they will win over Chuck. He tried to bend and break them, but only made them stronger, giving them exactly what they need to take him down.

[thewriterwithnoplan]

Hell and Back (Part 1)

Summary: Y/N Winchester is an enigma wrapped in a riddle. The half-sibling of the famed brothers and she was there through it all. Until now. After Jack’s birth she made a deal with Batman himself. His money for her expertise. She can pay for a real school and some online classes for her and Jack. All she has to do is enlighten the Team about her world. Easy peasy, right? Pairing: Supernatural x Reader x Young Justice Word Count: 1912 Warnings: None.

A/N: Might not do a second part. Not sure how I feel about this?

"What's this about a new member?" Wally all but sped into the lounge of Mount Justice. The team were splayed casually across the room. Robin lifted his head from his laptop, frowning at the speedster and tilting his head. "Did anyone even know? Batman just brought some girl through, talking about how she'd fit right in."

Artemis sat up quickly from where she'd been splayed on an armchair sharpening her arrows. M'gann's head snapped up in confusion. It seemed they hadn't known and by the others expressions they hadn't been enlightened either. Even Kaldur looked surprised, which was more that concerning considering he was the Team leader.

"Bats hasn't mentioned anything," Robin furrowed his eyebrows. He was quiet for a moment as if stuck in a deep thought. "Though he has made an unusual amount of business trips to Lebanon, Kansas. Does the girl look like this?"

The boy wonder turned his computer, showing the team - some of whom had to lean in comically to see - a photo. The girl was about Artemis' age, H/L H/C hair and E/C eyes. She was pretty if they were being honest but threatening. Her expression was hard and her eyes were set in a partial glare as if that was her default look. Wally gave a nod, causing half the team to deflate in annoyance. How was it fair for her to just be permitted onto the team. M'gann grinned at the picture, obviously happy to have another girl on the team - intense stare or no.

"What do you know of her?" Robin shrugged at Kaldur's question. Wally super sped over to his friend, snatching the computer to look at whatever the boy had open. It was a file on the girl and three other men. Robin gave an indignant cry chasing after the boy as he read the information to the team, all the while dodging the angered bird.

"Says here her names Y/N Winchester," Wally side stepped Robin with a smug grin. "Age 16, daughter of Dean Winchester-"

"What?" Conner raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Keep going, what else?"

"That's it." The room paused, even Robin stopped jumping for the machine, if only for a moment. "No medical records, no criminal records, no nothing."

Someone coughed loudly, tearing everyones gaze from Wally to the person. With the distraction Robin apprehended his computer and scurried back to his seat. Batman pegged them all with the famed Bat-glare™. Behind him a girl stood, hands on her hips and a wide smirk on her face. She wore a red plaid shirt unbuttoned over a white top and a pair of denim shorts. The team stared at the girl who looked nothing like her photo. Where it depicted a teen ready to murder the next person she met, this girl looked just as prepared to charm them to death.

She looked up at Batman and gave him a sincere smile. "I can handle it from here Batsy, thanks for the tour. Be sure to keep up your end of the bargain and I think we can do some good work here."

The bat merely grunted but a soft curve of his lips betrayed him as he flourished his cape and left. Y/N grinned at the assembled team and with a fluid few steps she slumped herself into the only empty armchair. Some of the members simply stared at the girl who dared to speak to the Batman like that. Better yet to demand something like a deal from him. The girl looked up meeting their looks before shifting into a proper sitting form.

Y/N opened her mouth as if to introduce herself but instead she decided on, "That informations wrong you know."

Robin gave an indignant grunt that was almost the spitting image of Batman's. It was Wally who spoke up for the Boy Wonder, "It's a Federal Record how is it wrong?"

"Because Wallace West," A pointed use of his identity that the group noticed. Though there was humour in the girl's voice, "Dean Winchester is my brother, I'm 15 and have a Criminal Record that runs for days."

"Ex-Villain then?" Artemis sat up to rest her arms against her legs. "Yeah we get those."

"Hardly," She snorted. "You civilians don't really call us anything, especially not Villain."

Aqualad rather uncharacteristically spat out his drink at the title. Had Y/N, this girl they'd just met, called them Civilians? Kaldur gave her an incredulous look. "We do not appreciate name-calling on this Team Miss Winchester. If you wish to be integrated into the group I would advise you refrain from it in future."

"Oh, I'm just here for the money," She grinned upside down at him as he once again spat out his drink. Money? Conner asked as much, his threatening tone not giving the woman a moment of pause. "You guys need me so Batsy is paying me to help."

"Are you mental?" Wally asked, nearly sincere. "We don't need someone like you. Saving people isn't some way to make money, it's-"

"The Family Business!" She leapt from her seat and stalked to the speedster, shoving a finger to his chest giving it a firm jab. "Saving People," Jab. "Hunting Things," Jab. "The Family Business." Jab. Jab. "Trust me I know, I've been in it since I was four. But you do need me, like it or not Kid Flash."

"So what?" The red head grunted. "You've been at it longer than we have? From my guess you're not Meta, maybe trained but by your not built as well as most of us. What's so special about you?"

"I'm an expert in the field that your all about to enter." A sly grin grew over the girls face. Wally opened his mouth to shoot something back but she beat him to it, "Did you know Wally that the only way to kill a vampire is beheading? Or that demons have to be killed with a one of a kind knife that I own? Or that the scruffy Chuck forsaken mutt in the foyer is half hellhound?"

The room burst into hysterical laughter that boomed off the walls. A few fell from seats or keeled over to clutch at their stomachs. Someone gave a howl of amusement, M'gann clutched at Conner's shoulder. Artemis was all but rolling on the floor, mouthing the words to herself just to curl up in a fit again. Wally was trying - and horribly failing - to hold it in. Robin huffed out something about having any proof between coughing fits. Once they'd calmed down Y/N deigned to answer.

"Round three years ago, the sun dimmed." She raised an eyebrow waiting for them to acknowledge her statement with a round of nods. "That was my brothers and I loosing a fight to God's sister, Amara. Four years before some biblical shit went down. Mass killings, plague of locusts, entire towns eating themselves to death, weather surges. That was the apocalypse. Beginning of this year power in half the country went out? Antichrist's birth, his name is Jack."

Some more hysteria, some wiping tears from their eyes. She supposed it would sound insane. Y/N had never had to explain it, that was Sam's job. And that was usually after a civilian had seen something supernatural already. The group began to quiet when Y/N rolled her eyes and marched into the centre of the room. Falling to her knees on the carpet she pressed her palms together and waited for utter silence.

"Hey Jack," She tilted her head back further, eyes closed reverently. "I know you and the boys are usually busy with the whole Michael thing but I could use a second opinion. I'm not hurt but I could use a hand."

Y/N opened her eyes and waited as the group barely surpassed snickers. Some muttering about religion loonies and she sent a glare in their direction. A signature whoosh of wind shut them all up. They turned slowly to the source as Y/N's eyes light up and she sprung up. Jack was standing with an adorably cute confused look on his face. He tilted his head at her in that way of his.

"Who are they N/N?" He waved at the group with a small smile.

"Well Jack-a-boy," She skipped to his side and ruffled his hair - though he looked quite a bit older and was a head taller. "This is the team I told you about. You know that hero team, their leader is giving us money so we can go to school. Cool right?"

The team blinked at the pair in confusion. School? Y/N was doing this so she could go to school when her friend was able to just teleport here? When she'd proved that the supernatural was real. Jack's eyes light up delighted and he grinned spinning the small woman round. She looked several years younger - in fact he seemed of legal age - and yet he was more of a child. Some gave her a pitiful look when she and Jack stopped spinning.

"So that blonde one is Artemis, then Wally, Kaldur, Conner and Megan." She pointed to each making them flinch with each name drop. "You can just call that one Robin. Team this is Jack Kline, he's Lucifer's son."

Jack screwed up his face at that, "Biologically. The Winchester's are my real family."

"Dude how old are you?" Wally muttered, though Jack had picked it up with his intense Celestial hearing.

"One year, four months, eight days and three hours." He told them seriously, they mostly just stared. "So N/N what did you need help with?"

"So I'm going to have to stay here a while Jacky." He pouted playfully at his least favourite nickname. "Anyway, with so many angels all over from the fall and the demons thinking we're still trying to shut hell, I need to put some warding up. I thought you could give me hand, I know Sammy's had you reading up on it at the bunker."

Wally gave Y/N a doe eyed look, "You live in a bunker and don't go to school? How much do you need this money?"

"Jeez dude, not that much." She huffed, giving Jack an encouraging smile. The nephilim nodded and snapped his fingers, eyes glowing golden as the walls shimmered. Runes splattered themselves up the wall.

"Is that needed?" Robin stared almost horrified at the marked wall, even as the symbols turned invisible.

"It is if you want Y/N here," Jack nodded thoughtfully. "She's a walking talking supernatural magnet. Not every human has been to hell and back, let alone heaven and purgatory. Anyway Y/N I've gotta head back, I think we caught a vamp nest up north."

"Have fun!" She pecked his cheek and waved as he flurried off in a tumble of shadow wings.

"Hell and back." Someone repeated as she turned back to the team. They were staring at her, as their worlds crashed around them. Y/N gave a nod, slumping back into her self-claimed armchair. They stared blankly at her.

The room erupted in questions.

[naruhearts]

14x10: Dean Free Will Winchester, Destiel, TFW, and the Only Win

Originally posted by michaeldean

*trips over feet*

I still have no proper words re: the seamless interconnections of TFW/Dean/Emotional Arc-centric meta that most of the meta community has already yelled and written extensively about since S12. 14x10 was a META EXPLOSION, my friends. I had complete chills!! Yockey’s magnificent soup lent us years of Dean/TFW-characteristic meta narratively realized like some colourful picnic basket of psychology.

I’m sure I missed some awesome stuff considering I haven’t rewatched it yet, but for now, here’s my semi-coherent first-impression thoughts (some of which I copy-pasted from twitter) under the cut!!

On the other hand, if you don’t want to read this massive post, it can be succinctly summarized in one phrase:

Originally posted by @intelligentshipper

Dean is the cage. Man, yes I know, the NARRATIVE WEIGHT AND SYMBOLISM OF DEAN LOCKING HIMSELF UP; Dean’s possibly in “physically rough shape” (translation: emotionally rough shape) inside the cage he built for himself. As the Master of Repression and Locking Up Emotions, this unhealthy psychological mechanism in this case becomes his controlled strength against the core of his trauma and everything Michael represents *points at Dean meta* therein lies the beautiful paradox of the human condition. Dean Humanity Winchester is the poster boy for it. It’s all led to this! Don’t you love when our characters undergo self-translation from unwanted/coerced destiny to chosen role (after Michael manipulated Dean’s freely given “Yes”. And recall the same key theme with Sam occupying the position of Gatekeeper to Hell re: Lucifer trauma in 14x01)? 

x

14x10 in itself offsets the rest of what we’re gonna see characteristically as per TFW’s individual narrative journeys (and Destiel arc; we’ve observed the continuation of Dean and Cas role reversals as per usual, with Mind!Pamela and Father Figure Michael serving as heavy-hitter Casifer-reminiscent exposition). “Nihilism” and “Damaged Goods” paired through subversion, where Dean going on a ‘suicide’ mission via imprisoning himself with Michael isn’t done out of SOLE low self-worth (don’t get me wrong, he still hasn’t fully emancipated himself yet) but mostly 50% low self-worth and 50% martyrdom for his loved ones. Toxic codependency is no longer the basis of Dean’s self-sacrificial choices, but LOVE AND…LOVE. However, Dean still assumes he deserves to imprison himself. Michael capitalizes on Dean’s depressive trauma and low self-worth in that his conditioning since childhood to internalize self-blame for Sam and Cas’ problems - the world’s problems - works in the Archangel’s favour. He both projects Dean’s fears onto Sam and Cas then breeds their self-doubt by framing them as lacking genuine altruistic value to Dean and hitting TFW where it hurts altogether. A double-double coffee of anguish. 

Here we come back to Michael’s overarching role this season as the Harbinger of Truth (as I wrote about when the season first began x x) 

Michael!Dean assumes he knows what people want, and yes, maybe in some respects he does in fact know, but I mentioned that he distorts a person’s sense of “worthiness to be saved” (oh, I wonder where I heard that previously) by exploiting their self-hate/respective mental uncertainty of their wants vs needs.

That’s the GOLD about Michael’s role: he’ll be uncovering an entire interpersonal discourse on the characters figuring out (and using their damn communicative skills to accentuate) what they WANT vs. NEED. Again, clarification of truths. 

In 14x10, we were largely reminded of Michael and his intrinsic link to S14′s themes and TFW (copy-pasted from my 14x01 review meta; meta builds and builds on itself!):

WHAT DO YOU WANT, A New Beginning (a New World Order, a Better World in Michael’s case reminiscent of S6/7 like I expected. Michael is the absolute antithetical figure to Dean Humanity Winchester, who is blinded by authoritarianism), Love Is Weakness (Love is also STRENGTH, and different kinds of love exist, where we see more singular vs plural dialogue e.g. Cas’ “You have me. You have all of us”) and Family Is Unity.The fact that Michael is the one asking people what they want, specifically directing it to Anael the Destiel/Cas mirror (which she was in 13x13), bodes VERY well for me. He’s going to hold a key overarching position in the clarification of truths and Want Vs Need for TFW with significant flavours of past Eldritch Expositional Big Bads like Amara. Anael is feeling a lack of kinship. She desires belonging. A home. And it’s all very human of her. Because of this emotionality, Anael has FALLEN.

What is your truth? Confront your truth. Accept what you see in the mirror (like I was saying the other day) and glue that broken reflection back together into something empowering. Honest. Genuine. Self-actualizing. And considering Dean is imprisoned within his own body (confinement/imprisonment was again tangible across the episode both plot, visual, and characteristic-wise where TFW, impacted by Dean the Heart Hero’s absence, left a gloomy sense of detachment, helplessness, expendability, and failure internalization) and considering Dean is no doubt hearing Michael reiterate this main thematic question has me buzzing with the joys of self-introspection!!

What do you want, Dean Winchester? What do you want, Cas? What does everyone want?

**Michael additionally gauges the purity of potential recruits for his Supermonster army via hunger. What are you hungry for? What do you crave? Seemingly calls back to S5 Famine and the emptiness derived from losing something alongside experiencing trauma. And when Michael offers you the misleading opportunity, will you take it? Are you worthy? Michael distorts worthiness (Dean’s worthiness; indeed, Dean fills the episode’s negative spaces) by exploiting self-hate. Cas enhances (Dean’s) worthiness by providing freedom.

The “turning point” between Dean and Cas in 12 may actually be Dean saying goodbye (then perhaps finding out about Cas’ deal; we shall see). This could call back to 11x23, where Dean was also surrounded by his family pre-sacrifice. Dean thinking he needs to “die” - to lock himself up - in order for them to win may segue into TFW “wishing” things were different, thus somehow inducing John’s return (and possibly Chuck’s re: Daddy Issues) in 14x13.

Dean wasn’t left alone at the end of the episode. His family - Sam and Cas - were there with him as the wonderful antithesis re: Michael isolating Dean. Separating family ends up unifying family, BUT like I said above, he was still able to hit them where it hurt. Michael the Manipulator used words to twist their thoughts into self-doubt - sow self-discord, yet TFW worked as a unit to strike back. Lessons learned: stronger together, weaker apart.

x

Sam and Cas occupying the dark Empty-parallel space in Dean’s mind. His MIND was an EXPOSÉ. ALL THE TRAUMA, and it’s incredibly significant that we observed Cas scanning Dean’s traumatic memories (obviously he’s an angel, but the meta undercurrents of this killed me). Cas has now actually seen/felt/heard Dean’s trauma, anguish, and long-running depression instead of Dean using his words to tell him about such trauma; it’s ingenious storytelling, not to mention Sam introspecting over Dean’s own trauma in order to find him was SUPER uplifting and META ironic --> Finding Dean involves happiness. Most importantly, Cas was witness to Dean’s low self-worth, negative self-process, failure internalization, and fear of the future without blinking, yet he also displayed total worry, compassion, and barely concealed panic - as if he couldn’t bear to think about the multilayered traumatic prison that Michael trapped Dean within. Sam said “Dean is strong.” Cas replies that Dean is “more than strong.” To Cas, Dean’s strength of mind, body, and soul shines, and this is why he’s in love with this man - his charge. He loves him in the face of his trauma and past mistakes. Once I have time, I should discuss the memories we heard, but of course they involve his time in Hell (and his S3 mirror telling him he will become a demon. Moc/Demon!Dean callbacks). 

CAS: So much. So much trauma in Dean’s mind. There’s so many scars.

SAM: Well yeah. Dean’s been through a lot, but he’s strong.

CAS: Sam...you’ve both been through a lot, and Dean is more than strong [...] Because Michael has Dean trapped away - drowning - I have to wade through Dean’s most terrible memories.

SAM: Would Michael bury Dean in trauma? Michael said it himself. The reason he left Dean in the first place was because Dean was fighting back so hard. 

CAS: So if Michael wanted to keep Dean placated--

SAM: Dean thrives on trauma. He’s had to his whole life. It keeps him alert -- keeps him ready. But if I wanted to distract Dean, I’d give him something he’s never had before.

CAS: Contentment. 

x

(**Sam’s right, but he’s also wrong. Dean “thrived” on trauma because he had to as the consequence of a misguided John-imbued childhood, where he mostly skipped over the innocent era of being a healthily developing child and became an adult overnight: father, mother, and brother rolled into one. A good little soldier, and he created various masks of performativity in response to trauma. Multiple tiny seeds of self-doubt grew into worthless that then bred emotional misarticulation, repression, and psychological instability. x)

14x10 majorly ties into SPN’s season-long storytelling commentary on TFW’s perception of Happiness and the overarching themes of Happiness vs Sadness. Cas stated to Jack how The Life™ rarely gives oneself happiness last episode. Ultimately, can you believe Dean’s accrued trauma has been textualized like this?! 

Michael knows that Dean has never been happy. 

Dean never lets himself have what he wants to have nor be who he wants to be. He is entrapped by fearing real happiness, and his trauma holds him back from achieving what he wants - continues to make him believe that he doesn’t deserve to be content.

And Dean certainly wants Cas. He is fully cognizant and self-aware of this fact. Narratively reconsolidated in musical exposition by the Marshall Tucker Band’s “Searchin’ for a Rainbow”, Dean searches for the rainbow endlessly, but he’s uncertain…afraid of the wind’s flow (and his internalization of low self-worth remains –> he believes “all good things come to an end”. Temporary contentment, where he’s undeserving of such good things as epitomized by real estate woman who wants to infringe on Dean’s property/dream; ‘sell it out’ literally and figuratively).

Either Dean will find his pot of gold waiting for him, or he won’t, and this is the underlying star-crossed literary beauty of the D/C narrative.

Dean’s sick of pretending. He WANTS the wind to show him the way, but we must remember that, in an episode rich with the concept of authorial authority - writing your own fate and ever-glaring Free Will - he NEEDS to blow the wind himself. If he just allows himself to believe that he can have true happiness, then he will.

*I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR META-INTROSPECTION!* 

Michael’s “I Am You” —> Dean knows he is Michael - the reflection who embodies all the dark parts of himself, just like Dark!Kaia underlined - but he also knows he isn’t Michael, and Dean will use it to his advantage. Dean has what Michael lacks: FAMILY. x

“EVEN GOD CAN DIE.” This cracks open so many parental absenteeism eggs. Cas’ conversation with Michael over Chuck, the ultimate deadbeat absent father figure, was simply an outlet for Michael to attribute his self-righteously immoral actions to his fatherly abandonment. Bitterness. And Cas, more humanized than ever, is aware of Michael’s shortcoming: “confusing loyalty and compassion with weakness”, thus these perceived “weaknesses” are foils to Michael’s preference for isolation, solitude, mercilessness, betrayal, and hatred.

 MICHAEL: Playing nursemaid to a nephilim. Nothing like the Castiel I knew. He would’ve never been so...anemic. 

Loyalty and compassion are human traits - despised by most angels such as Naomi and Ishim; belittled by Michael - that Cas recognizes and practices. *human!Cas feelings* He has evolved, and as I said in my 14x01 Cas meta: 

Earth [is] the true home of Cas the Fish, which bridges his intrinsically human emotionality/disposition as an ex-Angel of The Lord to his sense of belonging. Growing legs to replace fins. Evolution of character. And Dean Winchester, right from their point of contact in Perdition, was the driving spark for his evolution.

“It’s all you,” Dean says to his reflection in the mirror, a repeated mantra, as Michael tries to break out of Dean’s mind, bringing my pre-14x01 meta of MIRRORS to light!! Dean confronted the reflection of himself that he has always hated, where the deep-seated worthlessness that he must eliminate is buried with Michael -- the narrative embodiment of Dean’s toxic shackles: predeterminism, Brodependency, parental absenteeism, repression, toxic misemotionality, and blunt tool expendability as his father’s hammer and society’s hammer. I adore Dean’s consistent self-awareness over the seasons as he learns to differentiate what he can and cannot control. And Michael is jailed inside a FRIDGE *light bulb explodes* It’s time to achieve self-actualization. Sure progress.

DEAN’S “ROCKY’S BAR” EASTER EGGS, MIND!PAMELA BARNES AND DESTIEL

Rocky’s Bar (Rocky & Bullwinkle & Friends!!) was an EASTER EGG meta dream set by Wanek, with thematic colours of blue (depression, loneliness, and isolation -- blue is immediately evoked as soon as Dean starts gaining self-awareness of his past trauma-laden life and remembers the real Pamela), dim reds and somber yellows. GOOD STUFF!!

@intelligentshipper​ wrote/gathered superb colour meta on this consistent palette of Self + Depression this season - RED || BLUE & YELLOW || I’ve also briefly touched upon the recurring hues that we saw in another hardcore meta episode: Scoobynatural 13x16.

Hello bisexual colours (pink, purple, blue in this setting; observe the metaphor of this very moment - Repressive Toxic Past/Paternal Figure Michael wrestling for dominance over Dean. We live in a meta world.)

Without sounding redundant, here’s the list of Easter Eggs by sasquatchandleatherjackets/mittensmorgul. 14x10 bursts with so much symbolism that it warrants >2 rewatches!

SEARCHIN’ FOR A RAINBOW by the Marshall Tucker Band playing in Dean’s bar (see above):

I rode into town today In my mind, I said 'Lord I'd like to stay' Something in me said boy, move on Don't know what it is the good lord bred it in my bones

And I'm searchin for a rainbow, and if the wind ever shows me where to go, you'd be waiting at the end and I know, I'd see the hill with that pot of gold.

This old mount I'm ridin', she's gettin' kinda' tired But in my heart she knows there's this one desire She's gonna' take me to the end of our road

One of my favourites: the Daphne Loves Fred carved on the bar counter!! Fred, who represented Dean’s healthy masculinity -- was loved by Daphne, the dual counterpart of Dean’s non-repression: the side of him that adores wearing pink nightgown dresses, pink satin panties, vegetable water, romcoms and romance novels...the side of him that adores and embodies everything defined as “feminine” within a heternormative patriarchy. Reiterating past meta, Daphne also symbolized the traditional poster woman he should be attracted to, but never truly obtains for himself. Why? Because his true desires break tradition, and Dean’s subconscious knows this. They break his harrowing past of repression and psychological toxicity. They throw away what John Winchester wanted for him. x

 And in this--

FB = Winchester “Family Business” = Jensen’s Family Business Beer Co, with FOX RYE and (phallic-shaped) COSMIC COWBOY as FBBC drinks (and the latter evoking 13x06 Space Cowboy and Cowboy!Cas. This episode, guys. WOW.) 

Moving onto Michael’s subtextually telling construct of Pamela Barnes --

x

Mind!Pamela, well, she blew MY mind! @thetwistedwillow already describes amazing crucial points here. And let me provide commentary on the riveting and pertinent subtextual D/C double whammy of their office scene together:

DEAN: How come you always have a boyfriend?

PAMELA: How come you only want what you can’t have? You don’t want me -- you just like to flirt. Besides, I’m a psychic, so I kinda know.

DEAN: All right.

Mind!Pamela asking Dean why he only wants what he can’t have, linked to Pamela having a boyfriend, establishes romantic connotations. Pamela was D/C exposition.

There’s truth in jokes. Pamela's lines to Dean could be construed as genuine interest, but Yockey actually shot that down via Pamela confirming that the flirting is just for fun, with Dean not actually wanting her, and it nudges at the Destiel context. To me, if you move this outside the D/C context, it would make no sense, because the real Pamela did kiss Dean. They had a passing attraction to each other. Why not have them kiss again, then? Well, Pamela encapsulated both Dean’s subconscious psyche and Michael’s mouthpiece. And by Freudian design, both Dean and Michael know who he truly wants. 

Cas is once again ensconced in the negative spaces.

Keeping in mind that Michael has seen Dean’s memories and feelings via possessing him, Michael’s construct of Pamela in the bar setting was, in certain respects, his unsaid Empty-parallel statement: “I know who you love - what you fear.”

Dean wants what he can’t have. He still thinks he doesn’t deserve Cas, and indeed, in his heart of hearts - in the deepest crevices of his being - Michael knows (like most Expositional Eldritch Villains do e.g. S11 Amara) who he loves and what he fears (manipulating Dean’s fears into snake-tongued attacks on Sam and Cas; those statements aren’t true, but human beings are contradictory, and Dean thinking such things about them long ago can still plant self-doubt today, but TFW are strong, and it’s all about conquering negative self-process to come out on the other side unscathed. I mean oh boy, we thought Lucifer was the prime expert on manipulation. Michael’s just as bad as his brother, if not worse.)

Dean is in love with the angel “who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition” (spot-on impersonation by Jensen) and Michael knowing the exact words then punches me in the feels because it’s a profound line...the iconic line verbalized by Cas to Dean in 4x10 Lazarus Rising that offset their love story later on. It’s the prime beginning.

x

To me, Michael hereby implies that he saw Dean’s memory of the first time he set his eyes upon Cas, and that it’s a highly valued memory which caused Michael to taunt it in the first place.

Like others have already pointed out as well, Dean’s memory of Pamela shows True!Form Cas blinding her in 4x01, and that certain memory, on an intriguing note, successfully breaks Dean out of the dream construct.

Since I don’t want to subject my readers to longer rambling, more of my meta on Pamela Barnes, Destiel, and the 13x06 Tombstone M/F Destiel-coded cowboy cutouts in Dean’s Mind Bar can be found here (with some repeated points that you’ve read throughout this post): http://naruhearts.tumblr.com/post/182144879031/14x10-destiel-cowboys-and-pamela-barnes

- - - - 

TL;DR sign me up for the necessary pain!! All the TFW storytelling threads of the last few seasons consistently pushing SPN’s primary themes of Family, Unity, Love and…Love, New Beginnings, Self-Actualization and, of course, mental/emotional CATHARSIS from the old toxic past, will come together. 

On another Destiel-adjacent note: Dean and Cas, their narratives running parallel to each other like they always have (especially since S12), are making the toughest, selfless, and sacrificial choices to save their loved ones (via Michael and Empty) and achieve the greatest win of all: living, hoping, and trusting interdependently.

And then Sam -- additionally making an impossible non-toxic codependent decision that I definitely believe is him giving Dean the go-ahead for self-imprisonment -- will encounter John in Endverse-adjacent AU!AU. *rubs hands together* CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AHEAD.

DEAN’S CAGE/SARCOPHAGUS, 14x11 PROMO, AND FREE WILL

(Screenshot by me from my TV lol)

Obviously we saw very little of 14x11. But I saw enough to flail over it!! 

Dean built a coffin - a sarcophagus for himself. A Pandora’s Box, as coined by @thetwistedwillow who also screamed with me in terms of the heartbreaking circular narrative of Dean’s S14 ‘burial’: simultaneously punishing himself and protecting the world from his failures --> the dual subtext of Dean’s return to ashes that naturally leads to resurrection. Lazarus Rising to Lazarus Dying. 

x

Aka Dean imprisoning himself via isolation on his own free will and ultimately subverting Michael’s efforts to imprison Dean via coercion and possession.

I can’t even believe the sheer metaphorical symbolism of this!! CLOSET!BOX. Seriously. Again, years of Dean meta (and queer Dean meta) roped together in an angsty paradoxical basket by Yockey and co.

For Dean to emancipate himself—and save his loved ones + the world—he’s gotta imprison himself with the current source of his trauma (Michael) as well as deconstruct and deal with all the other remaining trauma he bottled up. Lazarus will rise again.

As Billie says, every single one of Dean’s endgame deaths were rewritten (this textualized TFW as the harbingers of their own destiny, where Dean himself “broke enough rules” to get his endgames rewritten!! I can’t tell you enough how gorgeous that is.), and they all end the same way, with Michael breaking free and using Dean to burn the world to the ground...EXCEPT FOR ONE.

(I had to) x

x

Guys, I’m burning with curiosity!! What endgame did Dean see? Utter shock was written across his face -- an intense disbelief and surprised demeanor, topped off with what seemed like tears in his eyes -- that gave me pause. 

DEAN: What am I supposed to do with this?

BILLIE: That’s up to you.

That’s up to you --> Anubis said: Death, the reapers, and even God have no say. All the rules? All the cosmic constraints? They’re just useless in itself. They pass away. There are no rules. TFW “broke the rules” over and over and over again because they can.

A person’s choices in life dictate their fate.

“It’s about the journey, not the destination.”

In 4x03 In The Beginning (this title, y’all - authors and stories!!), no matter what Dean did to try and kill Azazel so that the subsequent murders of Mary’s parents, John, and the penultimate deal to resurrect John at poor Sammy’s expense are avoided, Dean realized that he could not alter Mary’s choices. Azazel still ended up poisoning Sam with demon blood. He couldn't influence her endgame because she wrote it herself in conjunction with external parties Cupid and Heaven (huh, forced free will paradox). At the same time, Mary’s journey invokes the key subverted difference of the Dean/Cas vs Mary/John parallel narrative which is fundamentally important to remember -- Free Will vs Destiny. Chosen Love vs Fated Love. Mary freely operated on fate’s influence, while Dean and Cas’ first meeting proliferated into a love story no one has ever foreseen, where they both defied subservient expectations and destiny fulfillment. 

From the first point of contact, Dean and Cas seared their influence upon the other in the form of a profound brand. 

x

Dean and Cas can make their own choices -- and have done so -- outside of predetermined plans for them. Dean and Cas’ love in itself blossomed out of free choice. Through rough seas, high tides, bright beaches, and hellfire, their love proved impervious. It was impervious to Heaven, Hell, reapers, and any supernatural force we’ve observed that tried to split them apart over the course of the show.

Attempting to constrain (Love and...) love, the greatest and most powerful force in the universe, is impossible.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics: chaos in the universe, which is the ultimate isolated system, only increases and never decreases.

Cosmic constraints all boil down to, well, nothing. We write our own fates. Michael failed to understand this concept. Destiel/TFW weren’t “defying” rules but acting as human beings with inherent agency the whole time. They are the authors and actors of their lives. Heaven/Hell despised humanity’s free will, when God’s miracle was truly his “mistake”: his draft worlds and giving humans free will. The flawed drafts = the universe becoming increasingly more chaotic.

It’s futile to enforce constraints, labels, and norms. Dean is absolutely narratively framed as the prime Death. The death one encounters depends on one’s choices.

In sum, Dean must LET IT GO. Do what you want to do, not what you need to do, though they go hand-in-hand. Drawing upon the last few seasons pertaining to baptism of the Self and interpersonal relationships, this includes communication, transparency, and quality time together.

x

As I’ve said here regarding 14x07 and Jack’s mirror role: 

We had these wonderfully poignant moments pushing back Dean’s performance: exposing the core of his heart wrapped up in the walls of trauma, guilt, and crippled self-process. Dean sees his Free Self, who is waiting…encouraging him to let go and live life to the fullest.

His Free Self is starting to break the water’s surface — has been doing so this entire cathartic S14 narrative of looking in the mirror (actively hammered down in 14x04/5/6).

Dean’s realizing that yes, life may not be all these big, amazing moments. There’s numerous valleys of pain, horror and death. But there’s also numerous rivers of optimism and joy (hello to the river they visited in this episode. It pretty much re-consolidated SPN’s Rebirth/New Beginning themes carrying over from S12: a baptism of the self and interpersonal relations). Family and friendship. Faith and love. He simply needs to cast his line, catch the fish Cas, and pull it out of water for good aka make the dreams, wants, and desires reality.

As @thetwistedwillow pointed out, Dean’s initial offer to head out to a potential hookup bar was a foil for Jack the Non-Performative mirror of Dean: the wingman move winking at the old (DYING) remnants of his John-polished performativity and calling back to Dean bringing newly minted Cas to the brothel in Free to Be You and Me, in that the night took an unexpectedly not-salacious but sentimental turn. That night, Dean hasn’t laughed so hard in years, even with his own brother.

8 years later, Jack knew what Dean’s heart truly wanted. He felt it. Jack rejected the hookup offer precisely because — just last episode — he perceived Dean’s natural tune. It was casual sex, shacking up, and adios (yes postmodernmulticolouredcloak) no longer. It was romance and courting before dating, which involved emotional exploration and ding ding ding, spending time together (also both on the familial and romantic levels -> BEING THERE with Dean: the key gesture conveying that he deeply matters to you, and you matter to him). Jack wanted the same thing, too.

It all comes full circle. Free to be you and me indeed, since Dean’s almost free of John’s ghost, as a father, brother, and husband. We’ll be here to witness his complete emancipation.

14x10 textualized Free Will and the neverending stories of neverending stories of neverending stories: we can do what we want by formulating our own rules, and each individual has a moral compass influenced by their differing experiences.

Whatever Dean’s seen -- we don’t know what he saw, and we may not EVER know, and it’s literally pure conjecture at this point, but for the sake of meta speculation...legitimate HAPPINESS? His dream bar epitomized in real life but even better, where the realism of it involves not having to sell out ANYTHING nor sell out HIMSELF? Retirement? Dying from old age? Marrying Cas? The ACTUAL beach, toes in the sand, umbrella drinks, with matching Hawaiian shirts? General BAD things leading to good things? Yes, this is Supernatural, and as Cas put it in 14x09: no one can experience permanent happiness in The Life™ , but recall subversion. Death preceding Life - the natural cycle - persists. Dabb & Co have created an SPN narrative plethora of New Beginning cyclism for a while now, so of course I have no doubt that a positive endgame is in the cards -- whatever Dean’s read has stimulated Dean’s motives to build his sarcophagus. He thinks he has an idea of what to do to get to this endgame or (what I expect/hope is) Happy Death?

Heck, in the 14x10 context of Author God, writing drafts, and reaper books -- what if his ending is: 

TA-DA!

It’s up to Dean to write his own ending. He has a blank slate as Author of his life.

The possibility of this blank slate ending as a win at first glance seems to entail the worst kind of choice -- since we all know repressing your trauma and emotions aka locking yourself up breeds maladaptive unhealthiness in the long run -- but it’s an absolutely necessary choice. The final countdown before self-actualization.

I kept saying it last season and I’ll say it again --

Dean Depressed Winchester must “die” so that Dean Self-Actualized Winchester can live. Dean building Pandora’s Box - CLOSET!BOX - for himself is LITERALLY an amalgamation of ‘Deal with your Trauma & Self’.

He should open the closet of happiness, embody self-acceptance, and go after what makes him happy -- what makes him psychologically wholesome, for Cas himself, Dean’s narrative half, tells the truth of his root fears: 

x

Dean does deserve to be saved. He deserves happiness in all of its variant forms -- the eclectic rainbow of beach vacations, retirement, Rocky’s Bar, finding romantic love -- and he must try to believe it himself. His closet!box is the catalytic literal/metaphorical object for this chief realization. 

And to emphasize how important the burial is regarding Dean’s psychological progression, ta-da, my 13x20 Dean meta still applies today, primary themes carried over into S14 by Dabb & Co:

And what are Dean’s WINS (plural) by dying? Saving people instead of losing people–saving Mary, Jack, Sam, and Cas. Saving the world. Reuniting his family unit. Interacting instead of performing. OUTING INSTEAD OF HIDING. HIGH DEPRESSIONLESS SELF-WORTH INSTEAD OF LOW DEPRESSIVE SELF-WORTH.

Better yet, Dean will undergo character development in relation to his loved ones (and Cas). With high self-worth, Dean’s capable of learning how to value HIMSELF independently. In turn, without personal obstacles he’ll learn how to sustain HEALTHY interdependent relationships and COMMUNICATION as well as learn how to WHOLLY GIVE HIMSELF to others (Cas).

Tell Cas he’s not expendable, Dean. Disclose the real reason YOU “needed him back”. Expose your feelings, choose Want over Need, and push away your rejection fears! Cas loves you dearly—let him know that his love for you is reciprocated. Nothing but good things ahead!!

And that’s the mystery of life: to live is to die. To die is to live. By “dying”, Dean saves his loved ones. He saves the world. He saves Cas, his romance-coded (sub)textual lover, Jack his son, and Sam his brother -- his family.

He saves himself. 

His mind, his rules.

And Dean doesn’t know FOR SURE if this burial choice will lead to a win -- neither do we know if he’ll go through with it until 14x11 airs -- but that’s AGENCY, my friends. It’s the meat of particular Time Travel Is Bad tropes: if we know our ending, life loses meaning. The choices we make to get there loses value. Humanity loses unpredictability. Ergo the journey through life - the POINT of living - is about executing choices and taking chances.

"If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do." - Camus, Absurdism 

The biggest reminder governing my SPN viewing as it had last season:

[arwenadreamer]

The Bunker

Maybe you want to join me in a little discussion about the bunker?

The bunker is so fascinating to me. There are things concerning it that I like and things I don´t like.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS ALL THINK ABOUT THE BUNKER? WHAT DO YOU LIKE? WHAT IRKS YOU?

I don´t want to write an essay her, so in a short form, in no particular order and under the cut:

* The bunker is Sam and Dean´s sanctuary, and they need/deserve that so much!

* I don´t like that almost every supernatural being can get in, lately. Isn´t it supposed to be warded angainst anything supernatural? Unbidden visitors so far have been: Ghosts, Amara, Chuck, Asmodeus, Michael, Lucifer, a nephilim (Ok, I don't mind Jack), Death, low rate reapers (And isn´t that the creepiest? A reaper that is CONSTANTLY watching them? Sorry, guys, I´m deeply uncomfortable with this storyline!!!)

* The bunkers interrior is just STUNNING!!! I love it! Such a big place, yet it looks so comfy and cosy.

* It would be impossible to keep a place that size clean! Therefore, I have a headcanon: The bunker has got a built in cleaning spell. Sam should discover it, reproduce and sell it. They would never again have to lift a finger to make money or fake credit cards! The spell would be more worth than all that beautiful classic cars in the garage together.

* I´m always trying to picture the layout of the bunker. (Someone even once created a website with the blueprints, it´s amazing! Unfortunately I don´t have the link.) But the longer the show goes, the more they keep changing things up. Obviously they have to work with the limited number of rooms they have on set, which is why rooms and directions change. It doesn´t really irk me that much, I just notice.

* I´m not a fan of the overcrowded bunker in the beginning of season 14. I hope it stays as quiet as it is right now.

* I love that even Sam called it “our house”, meaning he feels like home now.

[lyricfrost13]

My AO3 Fics

Yup I write fanfiction in addition to the doodles I post on here a lot, so I’m going to start posting links to them here because that’s a thing people do.  If you’re a reader of my stuff, feel free to message me/send an ask!  If you message me just say in the first message that you’re a reader so I know where you’re coming from.  

If you don’t want to sift through this post, but want to follow me, here:

Haunted_Frost on AO3

Anyway! *tosses fic in the air* Catch!

Family and Dissociation from Awkward Situations

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types DCU Gotham (TV) Super Sons (Comics) Batman Beyond

Not Rated (but probably T at best) Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings;  Language: English. Words: 25,262. Chapters: 8/8. Minor or Background Relationships

 Characters: Bruce Wayne Jason Todd Dick Grayson Alfred Pennyworth Tim Drake Barbara Gordon Damian Wayne Duke Thomas Stephanie Brown Kate Kane Harper Row Cassandra Cain Minor Characters Original Characters Joker (DCU) Terry McGinnis Mar'i Grayson Jerome Valeska

Tags: Bat Family, Reconciliation, Family Feels, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Multiple, Not Beta Read, Catholic Character, Time Travel, Jason-Centric, Babysitting, Alternate Universe, Team as Family, Panic Attacks, News Media, Fluff and Humor, Some Plot

Jason's returned to Gotham to find things oddly different, but mostly the same. As he reacquaints himself with the Bats, and as they begin a new case or two, it might just turn out that the Red Hood belonged there all along. Reunions are uncomfortable, but sometimes they just might be worth it.

The Barnes Family Portrait

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Captain America (Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)

Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply, Gen, Part 1 of The White Wolf, Language: English. Words: 8,328.

Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes Steve Rogers Natasha Romanov Tony Stark Rebecca Barnes Proctor Scott Proctor (Marvel) Kimberly Proctor Howling Commandos Peggy Carter

Tags:  Alternate Universe Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence Bucky Barnes Recovering Family Team as Family Art Artist Steve Rogers Avenger Bucky Barnes Reunions Identity Reveal Secret Identity Bucky Barnes Feels Bucky Barnes-centric Steve Rogers Feels

"I began by being perplexed about my body; and I ended by being anxious about my soul. In short, I wished to know what I was." -Adolphe Monod

Bucky Barnes wrenches control back with his own two hands, and so does Steve - they find each other anyway, because the whole Barnes family is built to last, and so are they.

All Go Bare and Live by the Air

Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe

Mature, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, M/M,  Language: English. Words: 32,417. Chapters: 27/27

Peter Parker/Wade Wilson Peter Parker Wade Wilson Tony Stark Bruce Banner Steve Rogers Clint Barton Natasha Romanova Matt Murdock May Parker (Spider-Man) Rebecca Barnes Proctor Gwen Stacy Mary Jane Watson Harry Osborn Eleanor Camacho

Tags: Song Lyrics Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence Slow Burn Knitting Wade Wilson Needs A Hug Peter Parker is an Avenger Avengers Family Fluff Panic Attacks Implied/Referenced Self-Harm Photographer Peter Parker Dadpool Implied Sexual Content Kidnapping Happy Ending

Each chapter accompanied by a verse from "Bedlam Boys"; this fic alternates between Peter and Wade as they recover themselves and find each other.

The Fighting and Most Sensible Brothers Black

Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Teen And Up Audiences No Archive Warnings Apply Gen Complete Work  Language: English. Words: 3,173.

Characters: Regulus Black & Sirius Black Minor or Background Relationship(s) Sirius Black Regulus Black Walburga Black Orion Black Remus Lupin Harry Potter

Tags: Regulus Black Lives Sirius Black Lives Brotherly Love Marauders' Era Grimmauld Place Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Animagus

Snippets of Sirius and Regulus growing up, growing apart, and growing together again.

Team Free Will

Fandoms: Supernatural

Mature No Archive Warnings Apply M/M, Other Complete Work  Language: English. Words: 21,808. Chapters: 16/16.

Characters: Gabriel/Sam Winchester Catiel/Dean Winchester Dean Winchester Sam Winchester Castiel Gabriel Charlie Bradbury Bobby Singer

Tags: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers Superhero Dean Superhero Sam Superhero Castiel Superhero Gabriel

In the cities of Crossroads, Garrison, Lawrence, and Palo Alto, four heroes have begun to work together against the crime organization, Hell. Locals aren't sure what to call the group-they run by their own rules, but get the job done.

The Hunter, who's famous for taking down a branch of Hell with just his gun, the legendary Colt at his side, is really just Dean Winchester, a mechanic trying to save the world. Legacy, the calm, collected man that can take out a criminal in a blink of an eye, is Sam Winchester, who just wants to prove that he isn't a freak, that he can do good in the world. Enoch-the silent, mysterious dark-winged angel that works part time for the Host, is Castiel Shurley, who is far more lost than he dares let anyone see. The Trickster left the Host and his Herald name behind, preferring to dish out justice as he saw it--Gabriel Shurley won't let his family make him choose a side again.

And when stirrings of Hell threaten the lives of those they love, nothing can stand in the way of Team Free Will.

Five Lights Rising

Fandoms: Supernatural

Teen And Up Audiences No Archive Warnings Apply F/M, M/M. Part 1 of Five Lights. Language: English. Words: 46,832. Chapters: 32/32.

Characters:  Castiel/Dean Winchester Gabriel/Sam Winchester Adam Milligan/OFC Dean Winchester Sam Winchester Castiel Gabriel Original Female Character(s) Adam Milligan Amara  Chuck Shurley Crowley  Rowena MacLeod Original Male Character(s)

Tags: Season 11 au Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net Angel Dean Winchester Angel Sam Winchester Archangels Season/Series 11 Trials Hellhounds Time Travel prayers Archangel Sam Winchester Archangel Dean Winchester Happy Ending Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts Alternate Season/Series 11

Against the Darkness, the boys will need new and old allies to save the world again.

Faced with orders from a God who won't show his face, they will have to endure the Heavenly Trials, a series of tasks that will ensure they have the power to take down something as old as God himself.

Coming Back Again

Fandoms: Supernatural

Teen And Up Audiences No Archive Warnings Apply Gen Complete Work Part 2 of Five Lights. Language: English. Words: 5,872. 

Characters: Gabriel & Lucifer & Michael & Raphael Minor or Background Relationship(s) Lucifer Michael Raphael Gabriel Sam Winchester Chuck Shurley 

Tags: Oneshot Archangel Gabriel Archangel Sam Winchester Human Lucifer Human Michael Human Raphael Vessels Time Travel Family Feels Brotherhood

Chuck decided, after the whole fiasco with Amara resurrecting his sons, that they deserved a human life. Gabriel's assignment, after running so far, was to stay close and protect his now-human brothers in the past.

Snippets of their lives come together, and they realize that no matter what, the universe seems to circle around back to them. 

[ao3feed-destiel-02]

The Siren and the Viking

The Siren and the Viking https://ift.tt/wkBrMeJ by avide_reader Once upon a time, in the deepest dwellings of the sea, was a Siren that stared up at the skies with fascination and wonder. Once upon a time, up on the explored and unexplored lands of the world, was a Man that longed for nothing more than to sail at sea, the dangers nothing when aboard his drakkar. Once upon a time, there was a story of war and blood spilt between two peoples. But there was also a story of built trust, forged peace, and, unbelievably, love, between the two most unlikely of beings. Words: 43895, Chapters: 10/11, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: M/M Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Emma (Supernatural: Slice Girls), Eileen Leahy, Rowena MacLeod, John Winchester, Bobby Singer (Supernatural), Jo Harvelle, Ellen Harvelle, Rufus Turner, Benny Lafitte, God | Chuck Shurley, Amara (Supernatural), Meg | Demon Possessing Meg Masters, Crowley (Supernatural), Lucifer (Supernatural), Michael (Supernatural), Anna Milton Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Lydia (Supernatural: Slice Girls)/Dean Winchester Additional Tags: Creature Castiel (Supernatural), Siren Castiel (Supernatural), Viking AU, Viking Dean Winchester, Viking Sam Winchester, Psychic Sam Winchester, Historical Inaccuracy, Mythical Beings & Creatures, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Minor Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, Frottage, Betaed, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, reimagined fairytale, Violence, Non-graphic descriptions of animal death, Author tried to be as accurate as possible but rule of cool applies, DCBB 2023, Dean/Cas Big Bang 2023 (Supernatural), Dean/Cas Big Bang (Supernatural) via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester' https://ift.tt/BK5FyUm October 13, 2023 at 09:44PM

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

A Whole Lot of Thoughts...

Found myself thinking about the overreaching arc during Carver Era and particularly the MoC and Amara arc while driving to work this morning. I have been writing about these topics more times than I can count so I’m sure I covered things I’ll say in the following I have pointed out before, but anyway…

I think if one wanted to try and “label” one of the core themes in these stories, I personally would say “liberation” (aside from identity, the dichotomy of male/female, etc.) definitely played a vital part. And in that regard it made absolute sense that the focus would be on Dean, that he would bear the mark, that he’d be the one sharing the connection to Amara. Imo - and I know many disagree with this opinion - Carver managed to tell a beautiful complex and multidimensional story in which all the parts in the end added up and like a mosaic as the sum of all the parts built a whole (and yes I am still bitter how the ending episodes of S11 managed to butcher, oversimplify and press this complex narrative into a one dimensional piece of storytelling and put into a box much too small for the size of the meaning it carried).

So why did it have to be Dean some may ask. I think if you look at S8 to S11 and the MoC/Amara arc as a whole it is undeniable that the elements that were important to this narrative simply relate more to Dean and his struggles than Sam’s - especially when seeing it in comparison to Amara’s story. After all, there is quite a bit Dean and the Darkness have in common, which in part is why her influence through the mark had such a strong effect on Dean imo.

For example - and of course this oversimplifies it a little bit (but forgive me for this I am typing this at work while I should be writing articles, shhhhh) - much like Amara’s story was erased from the entire history of the world and only showed us Chuck’s version of it, much of “Supernatural” has been more intent on following “Sam’s destiny”. With that I am not saying that the show didn’t also tell Dean’s story too, but the focus surely was much more on Sam rather than Dean - which shows alone in how much time the show devoted to exploring Lucifer and how much it devoted exploring Michael (I will never understand why the show is so disinterested in Michael tbh, it will always baffle me and sadden me, because unlike Lucifer, he really is still a blank page and endlessly interesting to me (but the show disregards him like “oh, he’s in no shape to help” - forever mad about this lazy line) as a character.

But not just in that overall look at SPN, but also in the personal stories and struggles, Dean’s matches much better with Amara’s than Sam’s does. For example, I think it is very possible to understand Chuck deciding to lock his sister away so he could create (note that for the sake of this example I am ignoring the fact that she destroyed his creation for the time being - something like that Dean never did) freely and without obstacles and with that fully evolve as a “person” while his sister was locked away and by all means unable to develop and take chances and have experiences like her brother because she was forced into a box for lack of a better word completely erasing any possibility of liberation/freedom (and with that also the possibility for her to leaner and maybe much earlier see what her brother loved about creation like she did in the end). I personally think it is possible to see a loose parallel here to Dean and Sam and Sam being able to escape hunting for a while and go to college and develop freely without feeling the burden of leading a hunter life while Dean himself never was able to or never dared to do something similar (though he certainly had other dreams like we learn multiple times throughout the series) and instead was almost forced into the hunting life without seeing a way out and that from age 4 onwards. His dreams and wishes and liberation so to speak was boxed up and ignored like Amara was locked away. The big difference between these two sibling pairs of course is that Sam didn’t “sentence” Dean consciously into this “limited life experience outside of hunting” for lack of a better word unlike Chuck who very deliberately and consciously removed his sister from the playing board.

That said, this very aspect, this limitation and inability to freely develop and make choices for himself without feeling guilty for thinking of his own dreams and wishes became an integral part of the entire Demon!Dean storyline in which Dean only did as he pleased and interestingly enough also searched his “happiness” far away from the people he cares most about. Furthermore when Sam tried to cure him Demon!Dean verbalized outright that his father and the fact that he had to always “watch out for Sam” limited him. And while Demon!Dean of course was an alternate version of Dean, it revealed what deep down Dean may feel but usually never allows himself to express. As a demon however all that was muted. So in a weird and twisted fashion and as much as the mark was a burden and terror for Dean, in some aspects it - or the Darkness as a force behind it - had it’s liberating effects.

The whole MoC/Amara arc was deeply connected to themes of duality as well as a discourse on female/male. In that regard I have meta/speculated a few times before if maybe the mark was never meant to be born by men or if maybe women would have had better control over it. In any case, the fact of Amara as the original female half of the world resurrecting Mary since her life and story was cut short feels especially fitting also to the re-write of the grand story as well as the story of the Winchesters.

And while I have expressed multiple times that I dread all the allusions the show is currently playing with regarding Mary and Lucifer, I have to admit that - even though I’d dislike tieing up Mary’s arc with getting rid off Lucifer immensely - given the amount of focus lent to Lucifer always disguising himself in female shape (interesting since he lived with the Darkness as a female force longest), but never once picking a female vessel to reside in and the question if maybe a woman would have been better at handling the mark, maybe Mary becoming Lucifer’s vessel to send him back to the cage could show her in control right from the beginning… It surely would fit into the narrative focusing on the importance and strength of women. Plus: Maybe in the end, even if Mary said yes to Lucifer, it wouldn’t mean her death (though I am sadly not convinced the show would go that way - but here’s to hoping).

[ao3feed-castiel]

Where Art Thou?

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/30vx4qp

by AwkwardPrism

Adam thought theater was going to be an easy class; that’s why he took it anyway, no matter how much his brothers teased him. And it was for the most part. It was a lot of effort, but Adam found himself enjoying it in the end — though he only built sets and didn’t act. What he had not expected, even when he knew how the other kids could get, was an all-out war over which interpretation of Romeo and Juliet was. And he certainly didn’t expect to get a boyfriend out of it.

Words: 941, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Supernatural

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Multi

Characters: Adam Milligan, Samandriel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Gabriel (Supernatural), Michael (Supernatural), Lucifer (Supernatural), Chuck Shurley, Amara (Supernatural), Mary Winchester, John Winchester, Charlie Bradbury, Kevin Tran, Garth Fitzgerald IV

Relationships: Adam Milligan/Samandriel, Minor or Background Relationship(s)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/30vx4qp

[mittensmorgul]

Death is one of my favorite characters in the history of Supernatural. OG Death AND Billie, both.

I feel like I needed to make that clear, because I’ve seen multiple versions of Dean’s first chat with Death from 5.21 floating around since 14.20 aired, and I think this actually merits some deeper considerations than “lol guess Chuck’s gonna bite it in the end, because the show said so back in s5.”

First, I’m gonna go all Doylist on this mofo with a few reality checks:

Kripke’s in-show avatar-- Chuck-- was about to peace himself tf outta the story, as Kripke himself was about to step down. And you know who wrote this episode? Who wrote this scene? I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

(It was Sera Gamble, aka the godkiller...)

Right as Sera was arranging things to set up the story she intended to start telling in s6. Where she retold the original story of family betrayal and sacrifice, elevating Cas to a form of mutant godhead only to snuff him in 7.02. And Death didn’t even get to do the deed, despite having been bound to the Winchesters and on the scene ready to snap his fingers, but Godstiel beat him to the snap... literally:

And then... and then the rest of s7 happened, until Carver was tapped to run s8 and forced her hand to bring Castiel back. 

(I won’t drag out all the receipts on the behind the scenes cringeworthy stuff that led to this, because it’s all out there again recently because of what has gone down on the Magicians, but suffice it to say... there was animosity...)

And Dabb, our plucky showrunner now, was there in the writing room through all of this. Since the first go-around of this Betrayal-Sacrifice narrative swirl. And it’s evident how exhausting he finds it based on the seasons he himself has run, beginning in the back half of s11 after Carver stepped aside... He had to keep running through the spiral, but what he highlighted over and over was the damn futility of it.

From the BMoL and their evil monster genocide and mindless obedience to their Code and black-and-white morality, to the utter pointlessness and single-mindedness of Michael and Lucifer-- in this and apparently ANY universe, they only know the single drama that brought forth their existence in the first place.

And Dabb told us that story at the end of s11, with the return of Chuck and his reunification with Amara, apparently healing the original rift that kicked off creation to begin with. Their reunification should have been the end of the cycle, right? Creation could be allowed to continue with the two of them again standing in balance to one another. But apparently even that wasn’t enough for Chuck. He didn’t want to let go of his favorite show. His original story kept playing out, staring “his guys.” Sam and Dean Winchester, with Cas by their side. Once again, Cas was “supposed to have died,” after Jack was born. The “new monster” in a story that had theoretically concluded Cas’s role (this is sarcasm, because this was Sera’s reason for killing Cas off in s6... she literally thought Cas’s part in the story was concluded, that he hadn’t become essential to the narrative). This makes the specific way Dabb had Dean grieve for Cas, and then the specific way Dabb brought him back, all the sweeter, honestly. It was essentially that grief arc from s7, told in a third the number of episodes, in explicit defiance of the original version.

And now Chuck has laid bare his villainy, which is more inability to see any other version of the story. He’s played out every possible variation of the Family Betrayal and Ultimate Sacrifice Angst Narrative that’s possible to play, but on this turn through the arc, in trying to force the despair-betrayal-sacrifice story that brings forth yet one more turn of the cosmic narrative, his characters have seen it enough to see through the spiral.

The Creator only knows one story. It’s HIS story. It’s the story of Creation itself, retelling itself over and over and over, and not even his resolution with Amara was enough to teach him a new story.

Maybe Chuck just hadn’t been willing to end it, because what is the Darkness but his own story’s personal ending? But his Creation has achieved sentience now, and wants to tell its own stories. 

But now Dabb is sitting in the driver’s seat. He’s been slowly steering us to a point where he can FINALLY jump lanes and pull off the narrative rotary. It’s just a matter of which direction he takes the story to the end.

So what do we know about DABB’S feelings about the original author of this story he’s clearly been lovingly retelling us for TWELVE YEARS?

Well, obviously he loves the story, you know? You don’t keep writing the same story for twelve years, taking over as showrunner for the last four and a half of those unless you truly love the characters and their journey. I mean, that’s why we write fanfic of these guys. WE UNDERSTAND HIS LOVE HERE.

Through him, we’ve been learning what these characters really want... they want a happy ending. They want to rest. They want to be able to lay down the baggage of their past and embrace the future without those burdens. THEY want off the ride that “Chuck” has been putting them through from the start.

But they are ALL finally at a mutual point of being unwilling to sacrifice what they HAVE in order to get that ending. They’re not willing to destroy the family they’ve built for it, and they’ve finally had a chance to face The Creator and say that to his face.

They just want to live their own lives. (borrowed from this post): 

But this is the struggle that Dabb has set up for the end of the road. This is him choosing an exit ramp. No matter which road he chose, it would’ve been a bumpy ride. But the fact that this is what the characters themselves are saying they want at this moment before the creator tries to take it all from them, I’m hopeful that the road they’re on will actually lead them to this ending.

They wouldn’t go back and want to erase their past, wouldn’t change what it took to get them to this point, because it’s made them the people they are, and they like the people they are. Just as I don’t think Dabb wants this story and characters that he obviously loves to suffer unrewarded at the end of this very long spiral, I don’t think he intends to destroy the original creator that gave us fifteen years of “our favorite show.” And “our guys.”