#they really thought they could just put out the most mediocre movies and tv shows for +10 years and get away with it 🤭🤭 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fanficimagery · 4 years

Text

Friends in High Places

Summary: When Spencer comes home with files to a case that has his team stumped, he's surprised when you- his neighbor for a couple years now- is the person who gives them a new lead to follow. That and that you're ex-SHIELD.

Words: 8K Warnings: This is what I get for starting a rewatch of Criminal Minds and then watching Marvel movies all in one day. Fml. I've never written for Criminal Minds, so please excuse the mediocre-ness of their characterization. I have no idea what I'm doing; I just knew I wanted a crossover between these two fandoms. Also timeline? What are those? All you gotta know is that this is an AU where Bucky's joined the team and Steve DIDN'T ruin the life Peggy Carter would have had. As for the CM side, this is sometime after Hotch has left and Emily took over. Idk.

Having the night off and wanting nothing more than to just be lazy, you're sitting on your couch in your most comfiest clothes and mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr as your TV plays some program on Animal Planet. You're not even paying attention to the program, but the low sound is perfect for background noise.

You're queuing up some art posts that catch your attention, as well as some gif sets of the TV shows you've become a constant viewer of in the past few years, when there's a knock at your door. But not just any knock. It's a specific knock that you and your neighbor came up with after you got to know each other and became fast friends, and it was to let the other know they were home and wanted company. You mostly worked nights and his work schedule was always all over the place, so it's surprising you're both home at the same time.

Picking up your phone, you shoot him a quick text that you'll be over in five.

Spencer Reid is literally the man of every woman's dream, even if they didn't know it. He's cute and adorable and sometimes dangerously hot all rolled into one, and the best thing about it all is that he doesn't even know it. You had met him on one of your first few days in the apartment complex, but unfortunately it was during one of your slight panic attacks when a thunderstorm had caught you off guard while you were sitting in your car and you didn't have an umbrella.

He had seen and heard you freaking out as he was passing by, and knocked on the passenger window. You had collected yourself just long enough to roll the window down a few inches when he asked if you were okay, then proceeded to answer his own question by stating you obviously weren't. When he realized you lived in the same complex and asked if he could climb inside your car and out of the storm, you had stared at him in confusion until he realized that might have been a bit weird since you were strangers. He stammered his way through his explanation of being an FBI agent and after showing you his badge you had let him in.

You didn't have to tell him what was making you panic and he proceeded to keep your mind occupied. He asked about you and where you had moved in from, and spewed random facts about anything to temporarily make you forget about the storm raging outside. But the torrential rain wasn't letting up and the lightning was only getting closer and closer. He made you realize you had to make a run for it and even offered up his umbrella for you. You had thanked him with tears in your eyes and made a run for it on the count of three when you were settled just enough.

Inside the lobby of your apartment building, you had stood there trembling while Spencer nervously gripped onto the strap of his messenger bag as he stood across from you. When you were shaking the water off his umbrella, you hesitantly told him your reasoning for your freak-out. It wasn't necessarily the thunderstorm, but rather the torrential rain that wasn't letting up. A few years back you had a drowning incident and too much water on your face tended to bring back those memories. He said he understood and then with a sympathy tinged smile he offered to walk you to your apartment. It was a pleasant surprise to learn you had only lived two doors down from him.

Weeks turned into months and months into a couple of years, and you and Spencer were nearly inseparable when you both had the same day/night off.

So after quickly fixing your already messy hair so you don't look like a complete slob, and pulling on a loose hoodie, you grab your phone from the sofa and then head on out. Your socked feet keep your footsteps quiet as you head down to Spencer's door where you knock three times on it before opening it up and stepping inside.

But before you can greet him with a cheesy welcome, he's already calling out, "Hope you haven't had dinner. I picked up some burgers on the way home."

On cue, your stomach grumbles. "God bless you, you beautiful, beautiful man!" You hear him laugh from a room that's not where his kitchen is, so you make a beeline for the kitchen instead of accidentally walking in on him changing. There are two paper bags on the table and you quickly grab plates from his cabinet to separate the food on. Spencer enters the kitchen in a shirt and some gray joggers, and you greet him with a beaming smile. "You're home and in one piece! Yay!" He laughs and you quickly lean in to peck his cheek, not saying a word when you catch sight of his pink tinged cheeks. "You have any beer?"

"Yes. Grab two, please."

"Got it." You hear one of his kitchen chairs creak as you open his refrigerator to grab two beers, you then searching a nearby drawer for the bottle opener. Once you find it, you walk back over to the table and open each beer before handing one over to him.

"Thanks."

"Mhm." Taking a seat, you set your beer down before unwrapping your burger and dumping your fries out onto the plate. "So what's up, doc? You're home surprisingly early."

"We've hit a wall on our latest case," he says, keeping it vague. "There was nothing for us to do while Garcia did her thing, so Emily sent us home for a bit."

"Nice." You take a bite of your burger and your eyes widen when Spencer's eyebrows raise in surprise. When you realize how your words sounded, you're quick to backtrack. "Wait! It's not nice that you hit a wall, but nice that you got sent home! I got free food out of it. That's why it's nice. Not because, you know, you haven't found the-"

"Y/N, you're rambling," Spencer says, lips twitching. "I understood what you meant."

You sigh, shoulders dropping, and grab half a fry to toss at him. "Eat your food, Reid. It's getting cold."

It surprisingly doesn't take long for the two of you to eat your dinner, you both being hungrier than you first thought. After you're done, Spencer turns down a second beer but tells you to help yourself. You do. And on the way into his living room, you bump into one of his chairs and knock his bag over. You gasp and set your beer down on the coffee table, falling to your knees to scoop up his files that had spilled out.

Chuckling, Spencer crouches next to you as you profusely apologize.

"It's okay. It was an accident." A few pictures had slid out of their files and normally you'd just shove them back in because his work wasn't any of your business, but the face staring back up at you makes you pause. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a little heavy on the eyeliner, and a lip piercing. You know her. "Y/N?" You gulp and flip to another picture- brown hair, brown eyes, mole above the right eyebrow. You know her too. "Y/N? Are you okay?"

With trembling hands, you flip back to the first picture and show it to him. "Is Lilian dead?"

Spencer's eyes widen. "You knew her?"

Knew. Past tense. She is dead. Showing him the second picture, you nod sadly. "Kyndall too."

He seems to stop breathing then and from one moment to the next he's opening files and pulling out picture after picture. As you stare at each of them, you grimace and swallow down the bile that's threatening to climb its way up your throat. "Y/N, do you know any of the others?"

Shakily exhaling, you point at each picture. "Desiree, Celeste, Maria. I don't know this one, but I think her last name was Valdez? And then the male is Tim."

Spencer falls on his butt, staring at you in surprise. "That's right. We know their names and their current line of work, but that's about it. Their files only seem to go back a few years. Everything between the end of their high school career and current line of work seems to be scrubbed clean. Do you- do you know of any connection between these people? Any little thing you know can possibly be a big help to my team."

Your gaze darts up to him and your heart sinks. You've managed to keep your past mostly hidden, but now it seems the time has come to tell him what you did before. "They, uh, they're all ex-agents of SHIELD. The real SHIELD, not HYDRA."

"What?"

"If I remember correctly, they were computer analysts or paper pushers. They had gun training as one would think an agent would have, but they were agents who didn't really have to train in hand-to-hand since they never made it out into the field."

"You're positive? How do you know this?"

You gulp. "Because I'm ex-SHIELD too."

Spencer blinks at you, but then in the next moment he's up on his feet and reaching for his phone. He places a quick phone call, stepping into another room and leaving you alone. Your stomach sinks and you have a feeling that this confession might have just put a wedge in your friendship. After all, though ex-agents were being picked up by other different branches of the government, you weren't sure just how exactly trustworthy all ex-agents were being treated.

Spencer reappears, nervously tucking his hair behind his ear. "Do you mind coming with me back to work? My co-workers could really pick your brain about this."

You blink at him. "W-What? You're not mad at me?"

"Mad?" He chuckles. "Why would I be mad? I mean I wish I had known what you did so I didn't have to worry about you being alone when I left for a case, but I can see why you would keep that underwraps. HYDRA made a lot of people paranoid."

"Tell me about it," you mumble. Then after a few seconds, you finally climb up to your own two feet. "Um, just let me go put on some shoes. I'll meet you in the hall."

Spencer's smile and nod eases some of your worries, but you still quickly make an escape to go put on some shoes. Your front door bangs open and you hurry to your hall closet. Yanking open that door, you pull on the first pair of Converse you come across. Then taking a moment to think, you grab a pair of knee high boots that you use every once in a while. Reaching inside, you grab your old badge and a USB stick, sticking your badge in your back pocket and the USB in your front pocket. Then grabbing your keys from the hook by the front door, you shut the door after exiting and lock it. Spencer is waiting down the hall for you and you jog towards him. He tightly smiles and then leads you downstairs, towards his car, and you sit quietly in his passenger seat while he drives.

On the way towards Spencer's place of work, he can't help but ask, "So what exactly did you do with SHIELD if you don't mind me asking."

You shrug. "Cat's out of the bag now, so I don't mind." You chuckle though it kind of falls flat. "I was, uh, a computer analyst for a while. But then I was taken on a field trip with a few agents and we ended up trading bullets with several not so nice guys. The field agents liked the way I handled myself and requested I level up, so to speak."

"And you never thought of trying to get hired on with anyone else? If I recall, the FBI and CIA were picking up ex-SHIELD agents after the fall."

You shake your head. "Remember that drowning incident I mentioned? Or the reason why I can't take baths anymore and have to turn my shower on and off between washing?" Spencer hums, remembering what he thought were odd quirks until he realized it was all because of your fear of certain amounts of water. "That drowning incident was HYDRA's fault. I spent months in rehab and just- well, no one wanted a damaged agent."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm kind of glad they didn't. I quite like my neighbor who picks up take-out and bakes sweets for me after a rough case."

You try not to think too much about his words and instead choose to smile at him before looking out your window. The drive is only about twenty minutes and fortunately the radio fills in the semi-tense silence.

When you get to the FBI building, Spencer escorts you inside with a hand at the small of your back. You're given a visitor's badge and you quickly clip it onto the hem of your hoodie. The elevator ride up to the BAU's main floor is a short one and it opens up to a wall of glass where you can see several desks behind it.

Spencer opens the door for you and you can't help but make yourself seem as small as possible. You cross your arms over your chest, hugging yourself as you enter the room. There are several people milling about, but no one pays you any attention. Only one female, dark bangs covering her forehead while the rest of her hair falls just passed her shoulders, heads towards you once she spots you and Spencer.

"Y/N," Spencer says, introducing you to the woman as she nears, "this is our Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. Emily, this is my good friend Y/N Y/L/N."

Emily is all smiles as she reaches to shake your hand. "Hi! It's nice to finally meet the girl who takes care of our boy wonder after cases."

Spencer nervously chuckles and you find yourself genuinely grinning. "It's nice to finally meet you too. I've heard some funny stories about all you guys."

"I will neither confirm nor deny any of those."

Emily then leads you towards a room where three others are waiting. "Guys, this is Y/N Y/L/N. Friend of Spence and ex-agent of SHIELD. Y/N, this is Special Agent Derek Morgan and Jennifer Jareau, and our very own technical analyst Penelope Garcia."

Everyone happily greets you and Jennifer even gives you the go ahead to call her JJ. You're offered a seat at their round table and you glance at their board filled with pictures of people you used to work with. Spencer sits next to you and you offer him a feeble smile when he reaches beneath the table to squeeze your knee.

"Alright, guys, I know we're all interested in the girl who lives next to Spence, but we need to get down to business." Spencer groans as his teammates all chuckle. "So Y/N, is there anything else you can give us about the victims? What exactly did they do? Did they all personally know each other or just enough because they were coworkers? Even the smallest bit of info that you think is inconsequential can help us."

"I, uh, I can do you one better," you say. You shift in your seat and reach into your front pocket, pulling out the USB stick. "Since I figure all those NDA's we signed are now null and void thanks to Agent Romanoff's data dump, and because you're Spencer's friend, I feel comfortable handing this over. It kind of made me nervous keeping it in my house anyway."

You slide the USB towards Penelope and she gasps, snatching it up and holding it as if it were the holy grail. "Is this- are these files? Because let me tell you, I tried to download those files as soon as they hit the net but there were just so many and not even our WiFi could download it fast enough before they were scrubbed clean."

You grin and nod, chuckling at Penelope's squeal. "I started collecting everyone's files that I could get my hands on. I started with the baby agents- agents whose files wouldn't toss up red flags when their files were opened. The more clearance I was granted, the more files I was able to download."

"Oh my god. Yes! You are my new favorite person." Penelope rushes around the table, bending down to kiss your cheek with a loud mwah! "Reid, keep this one. I'll be in my lair."

The group all chuckle as you blush, but then Agent Morgan is clearing his throat. "Not that I'm not grateful about what you're giving up, but isn't what you were doing illegal?"

You shrug. "It possibly was, but then Director Fury realized I was memorizing it all and didn't have a problem with it so long as those files didn't leave my office."

"But you have them on you now," Morgan says.

"Yeah. The USB was hidden within my belongings in my office. My office surprisingly survived unscathed after Captain Rogers crashed the helicarriers into the Potomac, and my stuff was packed up and shipped to me while I was in rehab."

"If you don't mind me asking," JJ wonders, "but were you at the Triskelion when HYDRA came out or..?"

"I don't mind the questions at all," you say. "It's actually quite nice to talk about it with people who aren't eyeing me suspiciously." The group flashes you small smiles. "I was actually on a consulting job with a recently formed SHIELD team whose base was a humongous plane that was constantly on the move. Anyway, one of those trusted team members ended up being HYDRA. He led a group of his men onto the plane, killed half of us to get control of it, and then locked me and two scientists into a holding pod before dropping us into the middle of the ocean."

"The drowning incident," Spencer suddenly realizes.

You smile sadly at him, nodding. "We sank to the bottom of the ocean floor. There were three of us and only one little oxygen tank." Spencer grabs your hand beneath the table and you're grateful for the grounding pressure. "We gave it to Jemma. Fitz and I were going to attempt to swim, but we didn't make it. Fitz blacked out first, then me, and then- then nothing. We woke up in a trusted SHIELD facility, and Fitz and I couldn't operate like we used to. With our brains having been deprived of oxygen, it messed us up for a while."

"Wow," Emily says. "I am so sorry."

You shrug at her with a small smile. "It was all part of the job."

"What do you do now?" Morgan asks. "I hate to say it, but with all our victims being ex-SHIELD, and you as well, we have to rule you out as-"

"I get it." You smile in reassurance at him since it kind of pained him to admit that you could be a suspect and have Spencer glare at him for even thinking it. "I'm a bouncer at a bar most nights."

Morgan chuckles. "A bouncer? You!?"

"Hey! I might not look like much, but I did train with Avengers. I could probably give you a run for your money, agent Morgan."

"Okay, okay," he muses.

"I also work as private security for Stark Industries when they throw galas. If you need the exact dates I've been working, I can get that for you."

"Please," JJ says. "Spencer's already vouched for you, but protocol and all that. You understand."

"I do. I'll just- I'll text my bosses to email my clock-ins and clock-outs."

Pulling out your phone, you immediately text your boss at the bar and Pepper Potts. You keep the explanation vague as to why you need it, but assure them it's very much needed for a case the FBI is working on. They completely understand and you even have to make Pepper swear not to get Tony involved.

The emails come in not even ten minutes later and JJ happily takes your phone to run the dates with Penelope, promising to be quick about it. You remain in your seat, watching as Morgan and Emily walk towards the board and start tossing their thoughts back and forth over what they've learned so far.

Your hands are atop the table, thumbs chipping away the already chipped nail polish you have on. The second you raise your hand with the intent of chewing on your thumb nail, Spencer catches your hand. "You okay?" He quietly asks and you stare at him. He then lets your hand go as you pull them back into your lap.

"Yeah. Just getting kind of tired. And a bit anxious. Someone's targeting ex-SHIELD agents and I- well I'm one of those people."

"No one is going to hurt you, Y/N. I promise."

You feebly smile, not taking his words to heart because you know he can't actually keep that promise. He might want to, but you know better than to take these types of promises seriously in situations such as this.

JJ reappears, a bright smile in place as she hands you your phone. "I'm pretty sure Penelope programmed her number in there."

"That's fine." You chuckle. You lay your phone on the table, giving your attention back to Emily and Morgan who's now being joined by JJ.

"Guys, Garcia is having a ball right now. There's so much information she wasn't privy to before, but I'm not sure how any of it is going to help more than Y/N already has." Emily and Morgan look at JJ, waiting for her to explain. "We already know victims weren't the best at hand-to-hand, which the unsub clearly took advantage of. But we need to know what they were presently doing and if they were checking in with anyone because there are a lot of dead ex-agents. That's not a coincidence. Either someone who's ex-SHIELD or HYDRA is picking off ex-agents one by one, or someone who has a grudge against SHIELD found a list of ex-agents and is working their way down the list."

"Where do we even start?" Morgan asks, incredulous. "SHIELD technically doesn't exist anymore and those who are operating in the shadows are nearly impossible to track down thanks to the Avengers. None of them are exactly easy to get a hold of after General Ross made it his personal mission to bring in James Buchanan Barnes for crimes HYDRA made him commit. They like working on their own."

"We'd have to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get a face to face," Emily says, sighing. "If we're lucky they'll want in on the case since it's related to SHIELD."

"Um, actually.." You nervously raise your hand, calling all attention on you. "You can bypass all those hoops."

Emily stares at you, sitting on the edge of the table as she crosses her arms over her chest. "You still have connections, don't you?" At your sheepish grin, she huffs in amusement. Every other team member straightens with hope in their expressions.

"Agent Prentiss, I am the connection." As you pick up your phone once more, JJ and Morgan step closer to the table. You scroll through your contacts, finding the one you need and tapping on it. Then putting it on speaker, you try to soothe your nerves as the ringing through the speaker seems to make the atmosphere of the room become tense.

The ringing stops as the connection is made and then, "Well, well, well. If it isn't my second favorite human on God's green Earth." You roll your eyes at the charm oozing from him. "What kind of trouble are you in now, doll?"

Emily and JJ's eyes widen, and you shake your head in amusement. "Put your boyfriend on the line, Barnes. I'm calling in a favor."

"Are you calling to finally take us up on that offer of joining us for a night?"

Everyone in the room seems to freeze, although Morgan is highly enjoying where this seems to be going. You close your eyes, scrunching up your nose. You can't believe they just heard that. "Steve really needs to put a muzzle on you."

"Well if you're into that-"

"Bucky!" You bark. "You're on speaker." Morgan finally loses the battle with his laughter and you wish you can sink into your chair. Instead you have to settle for just insanely blushing and covering your face with one hand. "I'm currently with the BAU of the FBI. They have a case that they could use some help on."

"Oh." There's a beat of silence. "Christ, Y/N. You should have stopped me sooner. Stevie's gonna lecture me again. Hold on. I'll go get him."

The line goes silent and you nervously meet Spencer's gaze. He's the only one who doesn't seem as amused which is why you don't find Bucky's greeting as funny as you normally would. Something about his expression actually makes you wish Bucky hadn't said anything.

"Y/N?"

You sit a little straighter in your seat. "Hey, Cap."

"What's going on? Buck mentioned the FBI."

"Uh yeah. I'm with Agents Prentiss, Morgan, Jareau, and Doctor Reid," you tell him. "They've been dealing with a case that had gone cold and well I kind of made a connection they hadn't seen before because they couldn't, and uh I'm sure they could use your help."

"What was the connection?"

You look at Emily and she nods, letting you tell him. "Steve, all the victims are ex-SHIELD. Specifically agents who wouldn't have had too much training; who couldn't hold their own without a gun in hand."

There's a sharp inhale. "What do they need?"

Emily's eyes close in relief and she holds her hand out for your phone. You happily oblige her and hand it over. "Captain Rogers, this is Special Agent Emily Prentiss. I'm the one in charge of my team here."

"Hello, Agent Prentiss. How can my team and I be of help?"

"Well we mainly need to pick your brains and ask some questions. We're aware that SHIELD is still operating to an extent, even if it is in the shadows, so we'd like to know if the victims were still affiliated with you. If we're dealing with someone who is or was from SHIELD or HYDRA, we'd like to have you involved since you have more experience with how they operate."

"That's fine. I'll gather my team and set up a room. Are you okay to set up base here in the Compound?"

"Yes!" JJ says, starting everyone. She clears her throat and calms herself. "Yes."

Steve chuckles. "Very well. Gather everything you need. I'll be sending a quinjet for you all since it'll be faster. Y/N knows the pick-up location."

"Thank you so much, Captain Rogers."

Emily hands you the phone and seeing that the call is still connected, you say, "Hey, Steve? Thanks for this."

"It's not a problem, sweetheart. Are you okay though? You're an ex-shield agent yourself."

"I know, but nothing has been out of the ordinary. I'm okay."

"Good. You coming too?"

"I was actually planning on going home after driving the agents to the location. I'm not an active agent anymore, bub."

"I know you're not, but with that agent neighbor of yours coming here I rather have you here as well so we can keep an eye on you." You sigh at his protectiveness. "Bring a change of clothes for a week. I'll have Nat get a hold of your boss and let him know some of what's going on so you'll have a job to go back to once all of this is over."

"You're a pain in the ass, Rogers."

Steve laughs. "See you soon, Y/L/N."

The call ends and you set your phone down. Glancing up, you smile sheepishly at the team staring at you. "So, uh, I guess I'm tagging along. Sorry about that."

Emily opens her mouth, her words getting stuck as she shakes her head in amusement. "Don't be. You got us working with the Avengers within minutes as opposed to taking hours, possibly even a day if I had to put in a request."

Morgan whistles appreciatively. "This is insane. I'm gonna give Garcia a heads up about our field trip. Expect another tag a long. I don't think she'll pass up this opportunity."

You chuckle as JJ says, "Rossi is going to be so pissed he took a vacation and missed out on working with the Avengers." Then looking at you, she adds, "Do you think Spider-Man will be there? My son absolutely loves him and I would be the coolest mom ever if I got a picture or video with him."

"I'm sure Pe- uh, I'm sure Spider-Man will make an appearance," you say. "He's always hanging around after his classes are done for the day."

JJ's eyes widen. "You totally know who he is."

"I do. And let me tell you, he absolutely adores kids. Ask and he'll happily oblige."

"Guys. Guys!" Emily says. "Case first, fangirl later."

Spencer snorts and you elbow him on reflex. He grumbles, Emily and JJ grin, and you innocently smile at Emily. "Sorry, Agent Prentiss. I'll just- I'll go sit on that couch over there so I'm not in the way."

Emily starts telling her team what needs to be done, repeating herself again when Morgan returns with a clearly excited Garcia. Morgan informs everyone he'll go gather the boxes of files while Spencer immediately sets out to disassemble the board of pictures and post-its. Garcia excitedly rushes back to her own office to pack up a few things, while Emily and JJ figure out what all they'll need to be taking with them.

To keep yourself occupied, you waste a few minutes by playing a game on your phone.

You're not sure how much time has passed, but someone hesitantly sitting next to you takes your attention off your phone. Glancing up, you see Spencer sitting there and realize everyone else has cleared out of the room. "We should be ready to head out in about ten minutes."

"Oh. Okay."

There's a moment of silence and then, "Soo.. Bucky Barnes." He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, and you can tell his amusement isn't exactly genuine. "He's- he's not the type of person I pictured you with if I'm being honest."

"Barnes?" You snort. "Ew. No." Spencer seems surprised by your reply. "Bucky likes to flirt with me because he knows it won't go anywhere. He's well aware of the actual person I have a crush on and he respects that. Mostly."

"O-Oh? So there is someone in the picture then?"

"Well, not really," you say. Squirming in your seat, you're not totally comfortable with the direction this talk has taken until you see you're not the only one squirming. Spencer is avoiding eye contact, but he's also clearly awaiting your answer. There's also a telltale flush up the side of his neck to the tips of his ears, and- oh. Oh. Seeing how nervous Spencer suddenly is makes you feel better. So better, in fact, that you feel you should speak up about something that you've kept secret for a while. "Well I mean I'd like there to be," you say, grinning when he freezes. "The thing is, he actually lives down the hall from me." Cue him holding his breath. "He's totally adorable, but also secretly hot which is so unfair, and he works for the FBI." Spencer's head snaps in your direction, eyes wide. You smile sheepishly and shrug. "The only downfall is that he's way too good for someone like me, so I settled for friendship."

Your heart is beating terribly fast and the only thing keeping you glued to your seat is Spencer grinning bashfully, cheeks pink. "If you ask me, I don't think he's too good at all. I-If anything, he probably thinks you were too good for him which is why he never made his own feelings known."

Relief washes over you and you laugh. "We're idiots, huh?"

Lips pressed together, he smiles wide. Then, "A little."

"Rain check on this discussion? We've got Avengers to greet and you have a case to solve."

"Of course!" Spencer hastily stands, offering you a hand up. Grinning, you take it and let him pull you to your feet while shoving your phone into your back pocket. "Wherever we're going, is it okay to leave our vehicles there?"

"Yeah. It's private property and pretty secluded. No one gets in without codes."

"Okay then. We'll swing by our building for your bag and then you can direct one of the drivers while the other follows."

"Sure. Sounds like a plan."

Because of the connection between the list of victims, you have an escort up to your apartment while you pack a bag. Emily and JJ happily accompany you, leaving Spencer to fend for himself with Morgan and Garcia.

In your apartment, the two female agents waste no time in subtly trying to figure out your exact feelings for their dear friend and you take great amusement in skirting around the answer they so desperately try to pry out of you. And it's only after your duffel is packed do you tell them you and Spencer had admitted some things to each other, but you are planning to talk about it further after their case is closed. JJ seems oddly giddy and Emily coos about their boy genius growing up. You blush, relieved that they've taken a to liking to you. Then when you get back to the vehicles, you know Spencer has been questioned as well given the smirks being sent your way.

The drive to the field isn't long and the team is impressed by the level of security for a seemingly abandoned airfield. There's an unmanned gate which you get off at to speak for voice recognition, punch in a specific code, give a hand print, and then secretly have your forefinger pricked for a blood sample. Then when the gate swings open, you quickly climb back into the car and instruct Emily towards the second gate where a guard sits. The guard greets you warmly and, after you introduce those in the vehicle with you, he assures you he knows all about the impending pick-up.

"So what exactly are we in for?" Morgan asks. You're all waiting in an opened hangar, the boxes they'd packed sitting on the ground.

"Your perceptions about them are about to be changed," you admit. "I'm sure you've all told yourselves that the Avengers are just like you and I, but you have no idea how true that it is until you meet them."

"Who is the nicest?" JJ wonders.

You take a moment to think about. "Honestly? They're all nice, but if I had to choose I'd choose Spider-Man. It's hard not to like him. The kid's a puppy."

"Who gives the best hugs?" Garcia quickly adds.

Everyone chuckles at her eagerness. "That's a tough one," you say. You ponder on it for a moment. "I say it's a tie between Steve and Thor. They hug full on, chest to chest. None of that half-assed, one arm hug nonsense."

Garcia practically swoons. "Oh to be wrapped up in those beefy Asgardian arms." You snort and shake your head in amusement.

Another twenty minutes pass and you regale Spencer and his friends about some of your work with SHIELD. But all too soon the telltale sound of a quinjet reaches your ears and when you look up you see one incoming.

"Well that was hella fast," Garcia muses when she spots the quinjet herself.

JJ grins. "Stark technology. Gotta love it."

Emily nods in agreement. "We definitely need an upgrade."

Whoever is flying the quinjet lands it with ease, and Spencer, Morgan, and JJ immediately pick up their boxes. Shouldering the strap of your duffel bag, you start heading towards the quinjet when the ramp is being lowered and the team follows a few steps behind.

Clint Barton walks off the ramp and you chuckle, hurrying your steps. Both your arms go around his neck and one of his arms wraps low around your waist. "Short stack," he says. "What trouble did you get into now?"

"Why does everyone assume I'm in trouble?" You pout as you pull back, pinching his cheek and cooing before stepping back out of range. "And what are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be on the farm with those precious little heathens?"

"I was, but Laura had leftovers for Nat and Wanda. I was just dropping them off when Steve rounded up the team."

"Oh nice." Then turning around, you gesture to the BAU team. "Clint, meet Special Agents Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Doctor Spencer Reid, and the brains of the beauty of the team Miss Penelope Garcia. Guys, meet Clint Barton formerly known as Hawkeye."

Everyone shakes hands, with the exception of Garcia who slaps his hand away and pulls him into a hug.

"Baby girl," Morgan laughs, "what are you doing?"

She squeezes a chuckling Clint before letting go, she then whirling on her own friend. "This is my first time meeting the Avengers. Do not take this from me!" Morgan's eyebrows raise in amusement, the whole team and Clint chuckling.

Then not wasting anymore time, Clint ushers everyone on board. He shows them where the boxes and your bag can be stowed before taking the pilot's seat up front, only to be joined by Morgan moments later in the co-pilot seat. You show Emily and Garcia how to buckle in, and then take your own seat between JJ and Spencer.

Clint counts down for lift off and you grip your harness as you feel the quinjet take flight. Spencer nudges you with his elbow and you glance at him, grinning to assure him you're okay. But when you can feel the quinjet picking up speed thanks to the feeling in your gut, you close your eyes and are thankful that no one brings up the fact that you're actually really nervous right now.

Your left hand is grabbed and gently pried from your grip on the harness, and your eyes fly open in surprise. You look towards your left and JJ smiles at you reassuringly as she squeezes your hand in comfort. Then when your right hand is grabbed and given the same treatment, you glance over at Spencer and can't help but blurt, "I-I've never been nervous about flying before."

"It's perfectly normal to subconsciously be nervous or anxious after we trudged up your past earlier," he says. "Just close your eyes and relax. We won't let anything happen to you."

You nod, smiling shakily and turn your head to rest it against the headrest of your seat. Then closing your eyes, you're grateful for the team not asking you anything for the duration of the ride. Instead, they save their questions for Clint who's all too happy to answer what he can.

You know the Compound's come into view when Morgan whistles in appreciation. Clint lands to quinjet with ease and then everyone's unbuckling themselves when he gives the go ahead. Before you can grab your bag, however, Spencer is grabbing it and beaming at you when you sigh with mock annoyance.

One by one the BAU team disembarks after Clint, leaving you and Spencer to bring up the rear. You hear Clint introducing everyone and notice everyone's congregated around in a circle. Then just as you and Spencer join, you notice that Garcia is petting Bucky's vibranium arm. You snort, catching an amused Steve's attention.

"Y/N," he greets.

"Steve." You step forward, briefly hugging him and then Bucky. As you step back in line, you gesture towards Spencer to introduce him. "This is Doctor Spencer Reid. Spence, this is Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes."

Steve leans in for a handshake, but then pauses mid-shake. "Wait. Spencer Reid? The Spencer Reid?" He grins. "Are you- are you and the agent neighbor one in the same?"

You sharply inhale, eyes widening when everyone turns to stare at your rapidly blushing face. Steve's grin turns rather teasing and your eyes narrow at him. "Two words; octopus dick." Steve's amusement vanishes, and everyone turns towards a now blushing Steve as Bucky guffaws. You turn your gaze on him next. "I don't know why you're laughing, dolphin boy."

Bucky immediately shuts up and Steve shakily grins before addressing the team. "Okay! Now that we've all been introduced, lets get inside before Y/N starts a war she can't finish."

Morgan and JJ are the only two to follow after Steve, Bucky, and Clint. Emily and Garcia remain with you and Spencer, and both females look to you with pleading eyes.

"Please tell me how four innocuous words got two supersoldiers to blush like that?" Garcia asks, Emily nodding along with her. "I need to know!"

"Sorry, girls," you tell them. "Those stories get out and I'm dead meat."

The both of them grumble about not getting answers, but move on without fuss. Before you can follow, however, Spencer steps closer to you. "You won't even tell me?" He asks, voice quiet.

You huff. "You already know."

Spencer's answering smile is enough to make you roll your eyes and he's quick to keep pace with you as you enter the building. There are numerous people milling about, but since it's late most of the trainees are in bed. Every piece of furniture and fixture still seems brand spanking new, so you don't blame the BAU team looking around in awe.

Heading into the chosen office, you lead Spencer inside before catching Steve's attention. "I'm gonna let you guys get to work. I'll be setting up in my room if anyone needs me."

No one objects, so after taking your bag from Spencer you take your leave. You leisurely make your way towards the living quarters of the compound and find your room with ease. Opening the door, the familiarity of it brings a tired smile to your face. The lamps have been turned on, awaiting your arrival, and even the TV has been turned on with its volume on low. The walls and bedding is the same as everyone else has, but you know it's your room because of the personal pictures on the dresser and bedside tables.

Since you're going to be staying until the case is over and then probably a couple days more after, you decide to put your clothes in the dresser rather than leave it in your bag for the entire time. After that's done and you've switched your TV to a movie you like, you pick out a standard set of black sleep pants and a blue/gray shirt that every trainee at the compound wears to bed so you can shower before crawling into bed yourself.

You're grateful for the private bathroom and even more grateful to see the products you use already waiting for you. You turn on the water to the shower, grab a towel from the bathroom closet and set it on the counter along with your change of clothes before you start to strip.

You keep your hair in a topknot as you shower since you had washed it earlier that morning, so your shower is over within ten minutes. Then by the time you're dried off and dressed in fresh clothes, and your teeth are brushed, you exit the bathroom.

Stepping into your room, you startle at the sight of Spencer sitting on the small cushioned bench at the foot of your bed. He's staring up at the moving playing, the corner of his lips quirked up in amusement. But at your small gasp, he looks towards you, lips spreading into a fond smile.

"Captain Rogers said it was okay that I wait for you. I don't mean to intrude."

"Spence," you huff a laugh and then continue on towards your bed, "we have keys to each other's apartments and sometimes barge in without warning. I think you waiting in here is more than okay."

"Just needed to make sure," he says, "what with this being a new place and all."

"Mhmm." You sit on the edge of the bed that's right behind the bench, putting your feet on the cushion beside Spencer and practically hug your knees as you stare at him. "How did everyone settle in?"

"E-Everyone's good." Spencer turns sideways, grinning up at you. "We got our own rooms here so we don't have to be back and forth from a hotel. When we left, Garcia was being introduced to the holographic tables and now I don't think she's going to sleep tonight."

You chuckle. "I knew she'd fall prey to all the pretty tech here." He chuckles along with you. "And how did everyone take the news to hearing the details about the case?"

"They're taking it very personally," Spencer tells you. "Mr. Barton even asked to stay on as a consultant. He and agent Romanoff are not very happy."

"Well they might not be as smart as you, Doc, but I think they're going to be a big help. You guys will be out of here in no time with the bad guy in cuffs."

"Is that so?" He muses. You grin and nod. "And if we're out of here in no time, are we still waiting until you go home for that discussion we still need to have?"

"We can table the discussion," you say, "but I really need to do this before I chicken out."

"Do what?"

Without thinking too much more about it, you reach out to cradle Spencer's jaw in the palms of your hands. You bring his face closer to yours, pausing with barely an inch between your lips. It seems he's held his breath in surprise, but when he notices you're waiting for some sort of unspoken permission it's him who closes the gap.

There's nothing heated or rushed about the kiss- it merely being a chaste kiss of several little pecks before he catches your bottom lip between his teeth. You smile, your lip popping free from where it stretches, and you giggle as he leans up to chase your lips.

"Ahem." The interruption causes you to jerk back from Spencer, eyes wide when you catch sight of Bucky leaning against your door jamb and looking quite smug. "Hope I'm not interrupting." You groan, laying your forehead on Spencer's shoulder while he quietly snorts. "So with this new development, does this mean our threesome will now be a foursome?"

You can't help but laugh and sit straight once more so you can see your friend. Unfortunately, the question actually gives you pause and there's a split second where you actually give it thought. But in the next moment your nose wrinkles and you shake your head. "What? No!"

He points at you, eyes gleaming. "You paused! You paused which means that no just turned into a maybe. I'm gonna go tell Stevie we're back in the game!"

"James!" Spencer finally laughs and you groan again when Bucky pushes off the door jamb, whistling as he walks away. "I hate my friends."

"Just wait until Morgan finds out. It'll be worse." Spencer chuckles as you sigh, and he gets up before walking around to the side of your bed. He places his palms down on the mattress, leaning over you to kiss you once more. "I'm gonna go to my room before Sergeant Barnes brings back reinforcements."

"Okay. I'll probably see you around the compound, but I'll do my best to stay out of your hair while you're looking for your unsub."

"Are we still talking after?"

"Of course. Well we can either talk or order in some Chinese and hole up in one of our apartments for a weekend. Your call."

"I like the second option," he says.

"I figured you would." You kiss him one last time and then push against his chest. "Now go. We'll figure things out soon."

#spencer reid x reader #marvel gen fic x reader #avengers imagine #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid imagine #marvel imagine #spencer reid #steve rogers #bucky barnes #clint barton #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #derek morgan #fanficimagery

1K notes · View notes

wenellyb · 3 years

Note

Can I ask your opinion on the what if... series? I'm really hating the Captain Carter trailers. I feel like it's disrespectful to Sam's character who has only just taken up the mantle of Captain America and the shield. I get that this is an alternate timeline series but from the sounds of things they plan on launching these alternates into the main MCU via the multiverse. If rumours are true and Peggy appears in Doctor Strange 2, then that means Captain Carter will appear on the big screen as a supersoldier shield-weilding Cap before Sam appears. And that doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention the merchandise that's already everywhere. Feels like Sam's getting sidelined again before he's even had the chance to shine on his own. Anyway, I'd be interested to know your thoughts on it, if you've seen it. (Also, less related, the uniform being the British flag just reeks of WW2 British imperialism which is also just ugh. And I'm an Australian, our flag literally includes the British one! I just do not like any of this.)

Hi Anon!!! Thanks for the ask it's a very interesting question.

I haven't thought about it a lot because I have seen the trailers and I liked it, it looks like a very cool show and I llike Peggy Carter's character.

They have announced the What If... series since a long time ago and one of the scenario announced was indeed what if Peggy was "Captain America", so this isn't exactly a surprise.

I have seem some posts about the fact that there is much promotion and much more merchandise is done for Captain Cartet than for Captain America. And that are disappointed that Sam's character is sidelined and maybe it's too spon and I will changer my mind, but I personally don't feel that way for now.

I guess I would have more of a problem if:

-it weren't an animated series and there was a real show with Captain Carter. I didn't know about Peggy appearing in Doctor Strange 2, but I guess we'll have to wait and see what is the screntime, if she appears as Captain Carter or not. But for now, I personally don't see Captain Carter as a problem or as Sam's character being sidelined.

- if they brought back Chris Evans' Captain America on a different project, like those rumors said some ago. It would annoy me to no end if they used the excuse of the multiverse to bring back another version of Steve Rogers as Captain America, or as

Honestly, for me, there is a problem with Sam's character and how him being Captain America is handled, but it has nothing to do with the What if series. I think it's important to put the blame where it should be.

The problem isn't that there is more promotion or more merch available for the What If series or Captain Carter, because the show is about to air, so it's normal that it would get promoted, that's how it works.

To me, the problem is that we had a TV show with Sam as Captain America, and then... nothing???

The problem is that we had an announcement for a Cap 4 movie but with no realease date nothing? Not even a TBA date in 2024 or whatever? With all these MCU moves already lined up there should be at least an official announcement, even a vague date.

And I'm thinking maybe we'll get to Sam Wilson in other movies, before the Cap 4 movie, but it's not a certainty, and also what about the official dates for his own movie? Not even something like "confirmed" or "announced" with the Captain America logo.

That's what doesn't sit right with me, because for now it looks to me that Disney has no plan to follow up on Captain Sam Wilson... Just from the looks of it, I don't know what they will or will not do.

Am I the only one who remembers that we were supposed to have a Cyrborg solo movie in the DCEU? It was announced and it never happened? So that's what's really making worried regarding Captain America.

From where I'm standing, Disney wants the diversity points without putting in more work than necessary.

Another issue is that historically the fandom never stands up for the Black Superheroes and the Balck actors.

It happened woth Ray Fisher, it happened with John Boyega, and I think John's case it's even more disgustimg because the behavior of the fandom eventually led to his role beong reduced in the Saga...wtf. They preferred to run an incoherent story and make a mediocre movie rather than pay Fonn his due!

Just an example of what I mean when I say that the fandom doesn't support Black Actors: You see all what is happening with Scarlett Johansson right? The lawsuit etcetera.... I have seen dozens and dozens of posts supporting her and her lawsuit.... And this isn't coming from her fans... It's even coming from people who dislike her but understand the importance of what she's doing. I understand the importance of what she's doing... But I can't help and compare it to he support Ray Fisher had in the fandom, when he was calling out the abuse he received from Joss Whedon and from some Executives. Since the story with Scarlett started every 10th post on my dash is about it. And yes, it's still fresh, so it's normal people are talking about it. But when the whole story started with Ray Fisher, the reaction was just not the same.... People were amkong posts that wouldn't get more that a 100 notes, and for me it was easier supporting from Twitter because at least I could retweet Ray's tweets.... but let me tell you that he was bassically fight alone. ALONE.

I have seen so many posts saying.... "I hate Scarjo but..." "I can't stand Scarjo but..." So from where I'm sitting a problematic White actress will get more support than an unproblematic Black actor denouncing abuse. And just to be clear... I do think that the fandom should support Scarjo's lawsuit because Disney is never held accountable for the sh*t they do, I'm just making a comparison and saying they both deserved support but only one of them got it.

That's why I have absolutely no fate that the MCU fandom will stand up for Anthony Mackie or Sam Wilson if it's ever necessary seeing how they turned their back on Anthony Mackie the moment they thought he was against "Sambucky". They will turn their back on him and his character the minute a minor inconvience happen. And Disney/Marvel will love that because they will have a justification as to why they will not follow through with Sam Cap (His characyer is unpopular.... or whatever excuse they will find).

And about the interview thing, I guess I could understand if and only if they had a problem with some of the things he had said... But the fandom made it clear that they only cared about what they thought he said about Sambucky, not the rest, proving once again that the fandom is untrustworthy. Because they were ready to condemn hom for something as trivial as a fictional ship.

If push comes to shove, and for instance they brought back another Steve Rogers from another universe, I'm sure they would be quick to support THAT character instead of Sam.

To me the problem is Disney & Marvel Execs and also the fandom of course... Because the Execs go where the money is... If the fandom is hyping up anybody BUT Sam Wilson... the execs will do the same... because they will promote characters who are the most popular.

It's important to reward reprensation, and hype up movies and shows with reprensentation, but to me it is as important (if not more important) not to reward lack of representation.

That's why I have absolutely no intention to pay for a MCU movie other than Shang Chi, and Black Panther and also Cap 4 whenever it comes out! But other than that... I'm staying away from the movies with always the same group being represented.

TL:DR; in my opinion, there is indeed a problem but the problem isn't the What if series, far from it.

#what if #sam wilson #captain america #peggy carter #ray fisher #john boyega #anthony mackie #And the Marvels too #Forgot to add that!#Sorry for the typos

82 notes · View notes

lucywrites02 · 4 years

Text

NOT SO SECRET ADMIRER Ch1:Blind dates aren’t fun

After months of trying to write I finally decided to post something. It’s my very first post on this blog!!!!

Pairing: Loki x Reader (reader has no specific gender)

Word count: 1642

Warnings: I used the word “bitch” 2 times (I think). Also a little bit of angst

Summary: Loki is reflecting on his feelings for you during one of the team bonding nigths (there’s not much bonding tho) and you rant to him about your blind date

It was another one of those “team bonding” nights that Loki hated with passion. The only reason he was attending those nights was because he could see you there. Loki hasn't admitted it verbally, yet, but the god of mischief really liked you. More than he wanted actually.

He was looking at you as you chatted with Wanda about some TV show the two of you watch every Monday together. Not that Loki would know, of course. And he definitely didn't binge watch the previous seasons just to be able to discuss them with you. Not at all. Why would he ever waste his time on some mediocre midgardian entertainment just to see the way your eyes were shining when you were talking about your favourite characters.

“ Are you gonna go and talk to Y/N or are you just gonna stare at them the whole night?”

Loki’s gaze shifted to the intruder. Already irritated god tried to move past Tony and would succeed if the billionaire didn't block his way with his hand.

“What is it that you want, Antony?”

“I want to know when will you finally ask our Y/N out!” Iron man said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Loki just looked at him dumbfounded.

“I don't know what you mean by that”

“Yeah, you do” Tony smirked and took a sip of his drink “It's obvious that you like them and just so you know, they won't be single forever so you better hurry up”

Loki didn't like to show his emotions and he wouldn't talk about them with any member of this team (accept you, maybe) even if someone put a knife to his throat.

You and he became good friends. You would sometimes rant to him about things that bothered you and he would do the same. Most of the time you two talked about books or movies. He considered you a friend. Loki knew he could trust you but how was he supposed to talk about his feelings for you, with you?

“Don't be ridiculous, man of iron.” god growled obviously pissed ”I would never court a midgardian. Besides Y/N is just a friend, nothing more!” It was a big lie he liked to tell himself for he couldn't bear the idea of you not being able to love him back. It was easier to deny everything than to try and later lose it, he thought.

“Woah! Reindeer is showing his horns again” Tony laughed and Loki was ready to pull a knife on him until you walked by the two of them.

“ What's so funny guys?” you were about to refill your drink but stopped when you heard Tony's laugh “ care to share with the class?” you said jokingly.

“ Antony is being an idiot,” Loki said, looking at you.

“ So nothing new” you stated with a smirk. He held his hand out to take your glass and you gave it to him with a thankful smile on your face. Norns, did he adore when you smiled at him! Loki's heart was beating too fast for his liking and god hoped you wouldn't hear it.

“Are you just gonna hold that glass or will you finally move your ancient ass and pour Y/N that drink” Tony's irritating voice pulled Loki out of his trance

“ I was about to do that, thank you for reminding me, Antony” If he could, the god of mischief would throw the billionaire out of the window again. “ What is it that you want, darling?” Loki asked and opened the cabinet with all of Tony's most expensive alcohols.

“ Whiskey will be just fine.” Loki found the bottle and started to pour it into your glass. He was about to say something when the Iron man interrupted him once again.

“ So tell me Y/N, are you seeing anyone at the moment?” You looked at him clearly amused while Loki was already planning his murder and thinking of the place to dispose of Tony’s body.

“Sorry, Tony. I'm not really interested” You responded with a smirk and was about to add another sly remark if it wasn't for Natasha who just happened to come by and hear your conversation.

“Didn’t you have a date yesterday?” the former assassin stopped in her tracks and asked you all confused “ With that girl from the 3rd floor? I thought you went with her!” At that moment Loki just wanted to get out of there so that he wouldn't have to listen to that conversation. He knew you two would never be together but he didn't want to hear about you being with somebody else. He finished his drink and was about to leave the room.

“ I…. uhm well” you felt your face getting warmer as you looked at your hands “ I did go on that date but that didn't go well” the smile disappeared from your face and you felt even more embarrassed. You didn't want to talk about your love life, or lack of it, in front of Loki who noticed your discomfort right away. “It was terrible and I don't want to talk about it anymore so if you excuse me I'll be going now” you mumbled quickly not trusting your voice at that moment. You felt the tears in your eyes but decided to stay strong and not cause a scene. Loki saw this and put his hand on your shoulder.

“That sucks Y/N! I'm so sorry! I'm going to kick her ass the next time i see that bitch” Nat took her drink and took a sip. She noticed how close you and Loki were standing and grabbed Tony's arm “Come on, tin foil! Peper was looking for you before and from what I heard you might be in trouble now.” She dragged her confused away from the two of you and winked to Loki on her way out. God realised she did that only so he could be alone with you and he would lie if he said he wasn't grateful for that

“Are you alright, Darling?” Loki asked still holding your shoulder “ Do you want me to stab somebody?

“What? No Loki. I don't think any stabbing will be necessary” you chuckled. To be honest you weren't sure whether he was joking or not but his proposal lifted your spirit a bit. ”I'm actually glad that it didn't work out. It was a blind date. Natasha set the two of us up.” You tried to explain.

“You are clearly upset, love. Do you want to talk about what happened?” Loki was seriously concerned about you right now. You signed and sat on the stool behind you. The god let go of your shoulder and sat right beside you. You finally decided to look at him and took a deep breath.

“First she showed up half an hour late which made me look like an idiot” you started, your voice already on the edge of breaking. Loki immediately put his hand on yours. This little action made you feel a bit better ”and... then she proceeded to criticize everything about me from the way I was dressed to the way I spoke...” you felt him squeeze your hand to encourage you to keep talking “She seemed so nice at first….. I just give up” Loki took your other hand in his as well.

“What do you mean darling?”he asked, concerned seeing that you weren't as smiley and enthusiastic as you always are. He couldn't stand to see you sad, you were too precious to him and his heart broke when he saw the tears forming in your eyes.

“It's just… I… It's so stupid….” you stopped mid sentence, feeling a single tear going down your face and about to wipe it away but Loki beat you to it. You looked into his eyes and smiled sadly “I just feel so alone sometimes…. And yes I know I have amazing friends that support me and a loving family…. I-I just want to feel wanted, you know?” you paused to take a deep breath so that no more tears could escape your eyes. You didn't want Loki to think you were weak like that. Crying because of a bad date. You could always blame the alcohol later. But in reality it was so much more. That date reminded you of every failed relationship. Of all of your partners either cheating on you or saying that they got bored with you after a while. You felt Loki pulling your hands up to his lips and gently kissing your knuckles. “Gosh, I'm so sorry. It was supposed to be a nice night and here I am, ruining it for you!”

“You are not ruining anything, Darling! I'm so sorry you feel that way. If there's something I can do to make you feel better just say a word” he said tucking your hair behind your ear

“That's what friends do, right?” Friend. That's all you ever will be to him. You smiled sadly at him, avoiding any eye contact and released your hands from his.

“Thank you Loki, really. I think i'm gonna go home and call it a night. “ you stood up and kissed his forehead. Loki's stomach filled with butterflies and he stood up as well to hug you goodnight but you were already on your way out of the room saying goodbye to other team members.

God of mischief couldn't bear to see you all sad. He wanted to make you the happiest being in the universe, to see you smile and make you laugh. He walked out ignoring other people that were still in the room and headed to his chambers to set up his little plan.

He will make you happy again, no matter the cost.

#loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki x you #soft loki #loki angst #marvel #loki fluff #avengers #friends to lovers #not so secret admirer

147 notes · View notes

stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 4 years

Text

disney’s ‘the hunchback of notre dame’, early 2000s kid nostalgia, and other midnight musings

“What the fuck, Stina? I thought this was a blog for book reviews!” you say.

“Books, amongst other things. Hence the -ish suffix,” I say. “And all my mediocre ‘reviews’ are hit-or-miss in terms of engagement, so I’m pretty much free to post whatever the fuck I want.”

I toss my head. My hair whacks me in the face.

The first time I watched Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame was been circa 2006, in the ‘movie room’ of my preschool, huddled around a CRT TV with the rest of my five-year-old classmates. Not much about the film particularly stood out to me at the age.

Fast-forward fifteen years later; I’m cooped up in quarantine, hundreds of thousands of miles away from that first viewing. I’m living my best life, rejoicing in my introverted tendencies and having a laugh at the expense of all the suffering extroverts. I haven’t moved from my bed all day, except for the bare necessities, and I’m bingeing YouTube videos. All is well.

I discovered Lindsay Ellis’s channel quite recently- embarrassingly enough, through her videos on Omegaverse and the whole Addison Cain fiasco. I stumbled down the rabbit-hole of her channel, and here I am, a few dozen videos later, and I find her one on this film.

Which, of course, led me to want to re-watch the film, with the eyes and mind (supposedly) of an adult. And it went far beyond and above my expectations.

The film is dark, much darker than the average Disney film of today- not just thematically, but the graphics too. Except for the first parts with the Festival of Fools and the last scene, the rest seems to have a dark filter put over it all. Obviously, given its themes (I’m pulling these out of my arse; I’m a STEM major and I have zero to no knowledge about film) of freedom and equality, acceptance of those different from us, corruption and lust- all that good shit, in other words- you can’t exactly have sunshine and rainbows. But it’s such a stark contrast from what I’ve been accustomed to from Disney; Frozen has Hans about to decapitate Elsa, but the background remains bright and light; Simba sobbing next to Mufasa’s body in The Lion King is heart-wrenching, but a few scenes later, we have an anthropomorphic meerkat-boar duo singing about eating bugs and farting and all that classy stuff, so it’s not as traumatizing.

The themes are a lot more on-the-nose than a lot of other kids’ movies (forgive me if I err, I am aged and forgetful)- cue la Esmeralda saying, “What do they have against people who are different, anyway?”- you get what’s essentially the same ‘accept others regardless of their differences’, ‘prejudice is bad’ morals from, say, Zootopia, but having given the main characters fursuits makes it less obvious than in this movie.

(Or maybe I’m just a dumbass. I have no elaborate notes for this; I’m high on sugar and deprived of sleep so I might be spewing bullshit.)

Admittedly, the resolution is a bit… unrealistic. The citizens of Paris = sheep, essentially; they go from throwing fruit in Quasimodo’s face because the guards started it, to helping defeat them. Maybe there’s something about mob mentality in there, but I find it hard to believe that people who showed up to watch Esmeralda burn to death were suddenly totally cool with not getting what they didn’t pay for. But then again, this is a Disney movie, and you can’t make kids too cynical too early on. Let them have their innocence and ‘people will be with the heroes in times of peril because humanity is inherently good!’ before they realize that humanity kinda fuckin’ sucks.

The characters are some of the most human from those I’ve seen in Disney (other honorable mentions: the main characters of The Emperor’s New Groove, Moana, Tangled, Anna from Frozen). Quasimodo’s the main character (lol DUH, will I ever say anything not obvious?), and he’s so lovable, but not without flaws- he’s biased against gypsies in the beginning because Frollo’s the literal scum of the earth. To borrow from the K-pop fans’ dictionary: UwU he’s so pure!

Esmeralda sparks a bit of controversy because she’s another POC leading lady from a Disney film of the 90’s (a list including Jasmine, and, sigh- Pocahontas) who’s markedly more sexualized than the white Disney princesses. It’s not something I particularly noticed nor cared about until I saw it being brought up- I mean, the woman shows a bit of cleavage and then dances for a couple of seconds- but. I’m just putting that out there.

She’s an empowering heroine without having to belt in in your face (not me making a dig at Naomi Scott’s Jasmine from the Aladdin live action film), and I also love how her role in taking down the Big Bad doesn’t have to do with her ‘power of seduction’ (the scene in the animated Aladdin film where Jasmine kissed Jafar truly traumatized me as a kid).

Phoebus is… well, he exists. Kind of a Regulus Black archetype, but not exactly. The guy on the bad side who turns good and all is forgiven. Well, at least it’s not the ‘her love made him a better man’ trope. And he is a good guy. Even if he did spend a considerable amount of his adult years on the side of the bad guys.

Systemic oppression? Nah, it’s one or two corrupt baddies. But again, it’s a Disney film, we need everything to work out for the good guys in the end.

Let’s get the gargoyles out of the way. To reference Lindsay Ellis’s video (she’s a lot smarter than I am and breaks this down better than I ever could): yes, the comedy’s oft ill-timed and inappropriate… for an adult audience. And the primary demographic of Disney films, especially princess ones (obviously Esmeralda isn’t a princess, nor does she marry into royalty, nor is she included in the group of princesses in the dumpster fire that is Ralph Breaks the Internet, but I had a book imaginatively titled ‘Disney Princess Stories’ as a kid that included Esmeralda’s story alongside Belle’s and Ariel’s, so I’m calling her a princess), are kids. And kids love fart jokes.

Additionally, I have a theory-that-is-not-really-a-theory-but-a-pretty-obvious-thing-that-happens that the gargoyles are figments of Quasimodo’s imagination, and the, at times crass and ridiculous things they say are just the voices in Quasimodo’s head (THIS IS OBVIOUS, STINA, YOU HAVEN’T STUMBLED ACROSS A STARTLING NEW REVELATION); maybe what he imagines normal townspeople to act like.

And then we have Judge Judy Chrissy Teigen Frollo. This dude is the embodiment of pure evil. He’s bigoted and rapey and abusive and one of Disney’s most successful villains- even better than Mother Gothel, who previously held the crown. It’s rare that a villain genuinely terrifies me, especially a cartoon one. Frollo, unlike your typical fairytale antagonist who wants power/fame/fortune/to overthrow Olympus, is far more sinister; driven from deep-rooted hatred instead of plain greed. He’s so much closer to people in positions of power and authority even in the modern world, and that element of reality makes him so much better as an antagonist instead of a literal sheep who hates carnivores (seriously, Disney, enough with the twist villains- they’re not working out).

Also, Hellfire slaps. In fact, the entire soundtrack does.

Speaking about Hellfire, I love the contrast between that and Heaven’s Light; how Esmeralda is viewed by Frollo (an object to possess, “Destroy Esmeralda, and let her taste the fires of hell; or else, let her be mine and mine alone”) as opposed to Quasimodo (someone with free will, “I dare to dream that she might even care for me”).

Another argument brought up, and admittedly one I had as a child was, ‘but if the whole point of the movie is acceptance and love as opposed to lust, why didn’t Quasimodo get the girl?’ Which, years later, I realize is an extremely misogynistic way to look at it. As Princess Jasmine said four years before The Hunchback was released, she is not a prize to be won. Quasimodo is Frollo’s antithesis; he lets Esmeralda choose, and she chose Phoebus. And Quasimodo accepted that, because he is good and kind and sweet and loving. Severus Snape, take note.

On a sidenote, I’m always kind of caught out of left field when the plot in films moves really fast- I’m really not a movie-watching type; I prefer to read, and books usually indicate how much time passes from one main plot point to another, and there are little slice-of-life, filler parts that tie in to character development and moving the plot forward, but at a snail’s pace. So, whenever I’m watching a movie and it’s one important event after another, I usually haven’t had enough of a refractory period to process it.

Let’s pretend that I segued smoothly into the next part of this (already tedious and long drawn out) review.

The Hunchback is the darkest film I’ve ever seen come out from Disney. Re-watching it as an adult made me pause every so often and wonder why the hell I wasn’t traumatized by it as a kid. I mean, the whole movie kicks off with Frollo about to throw an infant down a well. And then there’s that horrifying shot of the stone renditions of the Israelite kings on the church walls. Frollo falls to his death into fire. I mean, good riddance, but still. I guess it’s because the kids’ shows of today are awfully censored and polished so kids don’t have nightmares forevermore.

Update: tried to watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Exited just as fast as I clicked on it. Disney sequels really ain’t shit (yes, I’m looking at you, Frozen 2).

9 notes · View notes

2bstudioblog · 4 years

Text

Konami’s wheels are turning... slowly

Lot’s of interesting news heading to our heads this Monday from what I heard from Yong Yea’s video about Konami wanting to outsource their IP’s to 3rd parties.

Obviously, Akira Yamaoka has kinda given away a strong hint that he’s working on a project with Bloober which in this case would be the long awaited SH remake or the direction they had with PT before it got cancelled. Akira Yamaoka also decided that (too late) he wanted to amend the article from his interview and release it later down the line. It’s very unusual that these news happen, but we all know Yamaoka is most famous for his music in Silent Hill.

Which brings me to a funny story about my own involvement of a Silent Hill game. I mentioned this on a podcast that I was part of 2 Konami-owned IP’s that went into another direction and killing off their franchises which have been like dead bodies in a morgue for the last 7 years.

I got the request to write industrial-metal music for a Silent Hill (of course at this time I only knew the IP and their most famous version of the game has been Silent Hill 2.) game. First I was of course very excited to be part of the series, but I jumped to early until I found out it was a Pachinko-machine (A japanese style pinball-game mixed with a touch-screen and a one-armed bandit and a slot-machine in one.), and my heart sank a little. I think I produced 4-5 cues for the machine, but I’m glad that nobody will be able to hear my “mediocre” masterpieces because all you would hear are metal-balls falling into a tray. But the thing about this machine, it had taken cut-scenes from Silent Hill 2, upscaled or even re-mastered/remade the graphics which would have looked great if it was its own game. But it was the same thing they’ve done with all their other IPs when those transfer over to this kind of entertainment. All what was left of it, Jim Sterling turned the game into a Meme and all I can hear is the -”HIT THE LEVER!” and the effects overpowering the music behind it. But I’m glad it didn’t go further then that. Technically here, Silent Hill(s) died with the arrival of the pachinko-slot machine and the series have tried to re-establish itself ever since.

Another game I was a part of was a Castlevania (Dracula in Japan) themed Pachinko-slot machine, with the revolutionary phrase “Erotic Violence” in it’s PR material and video-commercial. I mean, they took the music production part of this machine very seriously because I wasn’t aware of the “EV” part. I just thought it would be a machine praising the history of Castlevania. I was assigned to re-write and re-orchestrate a few songs from Neo-classical Metal music into more Progressive Metal style, and I was super-proud of this one because they had the sheet-music already available for me. All I had to do was re-arrange some parts for a string-quartet (1 cello, 2 violins and 1 viola) and I believe it was engineered and recorded by famed engineer Kenji Nakai who was under and working with famed engineer Mr Bruce Swedien (Michael Jackson, Quincy Jones).

From that moment me and Mr. Nakai stroke a friendship because he has a passion for Progressive Metal and he asked me if I could send more songs his way. From this we both have been incredibly busy on both of our ends, but I hope we can be able to work on something in the future. I have a feeling that might be soon.

So a long story short, Konami spent a lot of money for recording, they approved everything and we were done. But when it turned out to be a pachinko-machine and not a world-wide videogame release, I just had to facepalm myself, asking the question why they keep doing so many poor decisions. Why leaving all those fans out in the cold and really start making Castlevania mean something. This void of “lots of fancy things, but no substance” started right here...

Konami are turning their wheels a little bit too late and too slow until now. After they got rid of Hideo Kojima (Who I believe was thinking of the international-market rather than the domestic one), Konami had only one thing on their minds: Making money quick and domestically. No more wasted time on translations, straight for the gambling crowd. No need to write interesting stories. No need to introduce kids to this adult material. They wanted to earn it back as fast as possible. But we all see their decisions put them on the map as a “black-company”, who mistreat their staff, shaming them out in the office for overstaying their lunch-breaks. Moving staff from one business to another, from a programmer to a Konami-fitness Center-staff, or as a toilet-cleaner at a Konami-owned pachinko-slot gambling hall. The management of the company has been horrendous for the full-time employee. I’m glad I was not part of these later projects and only wrote stuff for them for Pro Evolution Soccer series from 2009-2012. (My work on 2010-2012 was unfortunately un-credited work. :(

Metal Gear Solid V - The Phantom Pain In My Ass

When the playable teaser called Metal Gear Solid - Ground Zeroes, came out on the PS3 and later on the PS4, it was an introduction for the new graphics engine designed by Hideo Kojima’s team, simply called The FOX-Engine. Basically this “game” was more of a demo rather than a full-product. But it looked great and with a fantastic score by Akihiro Honda, Ludvig Forssell and Harry Gregson-Williams, it had everything going for it to become something really awesome. It became a standard approach from Hideo Kojima now to produce “Playable Teasers” to show a great concept while offering a 3-4 hour short campaign, showing off the engine’s graphical capabilities.

Still, the story was under progress and I knew early on that Hideo Kojima really didn’t want to do it after he always felt that Metal Gear Solid 4 was final. But here is the curse of the die-hard fans, and I’m sorry to say it. No matter how many Iron Man movies Marvel crams out, at the 3rd movie, I started to feel “This does not feel like Iron Man anymore”. But that’s what the fans wanted and is a standard in the movie industry. Always produce a trilogy. Indiana Jones has always been the 3 movies from 1981-1989. The 4th one doesn’t really need to be called Indiana Jones at all. It was there I felt, just like with Metal Gear Solid V, they were beating a DEAD RACE HORSE.

I can’t deny the talents on display for Metal Gear Solid - Ground Zeroes. It laid down some really cool foundations for the gameplay, but I still believe the better game-series for stealth was beaten by the likes of Splinter Cell and most recently Thief. Stealth in MGS has always felt a little bit childish and I only really enjoyed MGS 1, MGS 2, tried to play MGS 3 (still have it one my Vita!) and will try to finish it. MGS 3 has felt like the TRUE Zeroes experience, with the inception of the story and lore behind the cloning of Big Boss. MGS 4 finally brought it all to a great finale and I felt, there is NOTHING more to tell. MGS 1, 2 and 4 is the Trilogy, MGS 3 serves as the Prequel and I see nothing wrong with that.

Mission - Erase Kojima’s Legacy

The making of MGS V - The Phantom Pain is kinda true to it’s title. Can you feel the nostalgia? Or are we just imagining the sensation of a Metal Gear Solid game past it’s prime? The missing link? The missing limb? And with the worlds biggest cop-out of everything that had to do with story was completely missing.

Each mission is playing out every time the same, with an intro to a TV-show, giving away massive spoilers to who would appear in the mission, you do your thing (not so much of story, just a “go-here, do that approach, sneak back out, head to pick-up) rinse and repeat. I wonder how much of this was Kojima’s fault? I don’t think he was up to it. I’m sure he fought for more story but the big heads didn’t want to listen to what makes a MGS game a MGS game. The new management had now already played the hand to disown the man who put Konami on the map for games since the mid 80s.

The game is no longer marketed like before. The tagline “A Hideo Kojima Game” no longer exists and will never be part of Konami’s mission of erasing the person who gave them their fame and the recognition that a game carrying the name Konami was a brand of quality for any gamer out there. Me myself, personally only played PES because of the stellar animations, but its recently since 2012, I stopped playing the series. FIFA had already cheapened itself, PES likewise. Updating the graphics, but the same old animations have been recycled back to the PES3 days. Maybe there’s been an update in the collision engine, but otherwise everything stayed the same, with the huge amount of data collected from previous years of motion-capture, why do it all over when its all about the brand recognition? Saving money on processes wherever possible. Simple Math. And here it is. MGS V is not a MGS game.

We already knew it was going to be a massive budget behind the game of MGS V. But what can Konami do to save money on MGS V? They already have the Fox Engine running from Ground Zeroes. The assets for “Snake” (I’ll let you know why I put quotation-marks around it) and standard models will extend somewhat. Oh, yes, let’s save money on a character that doesn’t speak (Quiet), over-sexualize the character to start a fan-base of people who just dig character design, animated a sexy “shower” routine for the character for boys to go nuts over. What about voice? Let’s not really try to sync the voices to the mouths. Let’s have the guy from “24″ record his performances onto tape-logs. Kiefer Sutherland would have been a good “Snake”, but I understand now that you are not “SNAKE”. The game explains pretty soon at the end that you are just a Medic and all the tapes you’ve been listening to is the original Big Boss. You never where the character of Snake. Even though this all could have been handled better, Konami wanted to save money wherever possible. We also knew David Hayter was not asked or put forward to return as “The Voice of Snake”. But in this case I start to wonder myself, David Hayter might have dodged the biggest bullet in the most expensive, commercial and very controversial game of all time once Konami decided to kill everything that built up their reputation.

Even during production Kojima managed to start working on PT. The game Konami “silenced” after it was released on the PS-store. Guillermo Del Toro and his friendship with Hideo Kojima’s dream-game was put on ice. All because Kojima was about to get frozen out of the company that was according to Konami “Wasting too much bloody money”. I might get blacklisted for saying this, but once the new management started to mess with the other IPs for just domestic/gambling market, that’s where everything went sideways. Konami wasn’t treating their heritage with respect.

It took them 7 years to realize their mistake! And now, for those who wants to be part of 3rd party developers who would get a crack at a new Castlevania, a new Metal Gear Solid (remake I hope), Konami has realized that the only way they will survive (Yeah, Metal Gear Solid Survive killed them HARD) is to let other’s take over. Maybe my dream of scoring a Metal Gear Solid game would be somewhat more possible now rather than working in the confined space of limitations posed by the higher ups at Konami. Let 3rd party developers breathe life into the IPs because I know there are smarter ways to tell a story and I would gladly like to see the return of David Hayter in the seat, without having to deal with the blank-face approach that he was faced with every time he had to audition for Snake in MGS 2, 3 and 4! David Hayter is a fantastic writer, actor and voice-actor. He has the chops and I think we are all ready for either a re-make or a better follow up to MGS 2 and the time between that one and MGS 4.

#Metal Gear Solid V #the phantom pain #Konami #Hideo Kojima #Akira Yamaoka #Yong Yea #Castlevania #Pachinko #Silent Hill #PT #Ground Zeroes #harry gregson williams #ludvig forssell #3rd Party #Bloober team #remake #Metal Gear Solid Remake

4 notes · View notes

worldofandromeda · 5 years

Text

Stray Kids Headcanon: As Boyfriends.

A/N: I spent over two and a half hours writing this, I hope you fucking enjoy it. Requests are open. (I swear, if the fucking gifs don’t work, I’m gonna sue my mother for making me exist).

Requested: No. By Who: my fucking imagination.

Word Count: 2052.

Not proofread or edited.

BANG CHAN

extremely loyal but also a bit of a shameless flirt, so he would need a partner that is able to snap him out of that habit

doesn’t overreact in fights, is actually pretty calm and rarely loses his temper

indecisive, so his partner would nearly definitely always end up being the one picking where you two eat or going on vacation together, stuff like that

loves when you compliment him but will give you ten more for every single one you give him, he just wants to make you feel loved

I feel like he would really enjoy simple date nights at home like when you two have a movie night or cook together, it doesn’t matter what you do, he just wants to be with you

but, I also feel like he is a big money spender, so i feel like he would spend a lot of his money buying you unnecessary gifts when he travels and treating you to really expensive and fancy dates whenever it is possible for him to do so

KIM WOOJIN

impulsive, probably really into spontaneous sex, maybe even public but he wouldn’t do anything you weren’t comfortable with even if you were misbehaving (I think he’s a dom but eh, who knows, his personality seems a bit sub to me, so maybe a switch, who knows?)

easily jealous, will actually hit a guy if he won’t leave you alone, yelling at anyone who looks at you the wrong way and don’t get me started on if some dude groped you or slapped your ass, cute little Woojin is about to unleash his inner WWE wrestler

would love being near you but also needs his alone time, so sometimes he would just turn his phone off for a couple of hours, just to have a bit of time to himself and you understand that, so you’re all good, no fighting about it, except maybe the first time he does it without letting you know, making you worry for him when he wasn’t replying

gets bored easily and is probably really adventurous, so sometimes you two would just be watching TV when he’ll say, ‘wanna go rock climbing?’ or ‘I want to go on a hike this weekend, you in?’ something like that.

problem solver, you got an issue? Tell him. Will encourage you to be open with your feelings and he will try his hardest to find a solution and make you feel happy and content again (p.s. he loves your smile)

his partner will most likely plan most of the dates but he would really love them if they had to do with something active, like ziplining or ice skating, even just going through a haunted house will really excite him (but be ready for him to cling onto you whenever there is a jump scare)

LEE MINHO

wants to know everything about you, might come off as a little nosy but really, he just wants to feel like he knows you better than anyone else because that would make him feel really proud

it would probably take a bit of time for him to open up to you and also, he would probably be the most cautious member when it came to announcing your relationship to the stays

would tease you a lot but he does it out of love, sort of like a little boy pulling his crush’s hair to get her attention (except he already has your attention, have you seen him?)

wouldn’t let anyone else’s thoughts of you change his opinion, if he thinks your beautiful then he thinks you’re beautiful, if he thinks you’re his soulmate and the most intelligent person he has ever met, then you’re his soulmate and the most intelligent person he’s ever met, he doesn’t care about what others think of you or your relationship as long as you are both happy, healthy and together

I swear, he’s a psychic, knows what his partner is thinking before they do. notices when his partner is sad, even when they try to hide it. he can tell how his partner is feeling just by the littlest things and he always tries his best to make them smile and feel better

is very good at knowing when his partner is lying, will find their tells very quickly and he would be really sad if they were lying about something that could hint at them cheating but he would feel even worse if they lied about their problems as to not ‘burden’ him. he wants to know about their problems, so he can help.

SEO CHANGBIN

always wants your attention, probably a bit clingy but not in the annoying way, in the cute way, would love just talking with you, no phones or anything, just you two, focused on each other

dramatic, always showing you off and yelling about how pretty you are and about how perfect he finds you, even when you’re not there with him

i feel like he’s actually really sensitive (i mean, when chan wrote that letter, remember?), so, there’s a chance a chance that when you guys argue he would start crying, most likely after though because he wouldn’t want you to see him break down

low maintenance, you don’t need to do much to make him happy, kiss his cheek and ruffle his hair affectionately and damn bitch, you got yourself a tamed and cheery pup

would probably really like singing with you, so, look out for all of those karaoke dates, even if you do sound like you’ve just swallowed a pineapple whole, including the skin and leaves (leaves, stalks? i don’t fucking know)

will always try to impress you, showing you new dances and raps, really wants to make you proud (even though you obviously already are)

HWANG HYUNJIN

hates fighting with you, so he tries to quickly resolve fights but if he’s actually really pissed off then it would probably end up with him breaking down and you having to comfort him

probably didn’t make the first move but was definitely crushing on you and really excited when you approached him and introduced yourself

will blush whenever you kiss his cheek or doing anything affectionate, especially in public or in front of the members, no matter how long you’ve been dating

really romantic, gets you flowers all the time, always takes you out for a fancy dinner whenever he sees you after a long time, buys you cute gifts, etc.

tells you that he loves you all the time. no matter the situation, when you leave the room, come back to the room, go out, when you wake up or at just random times, he just blurts it out. you two could be paintballing on opposite teams but he would still yell those three words across the field to you.

really loves holding your hands or just touching you in general (sexual and not 😉), puts his hand on your thigh when you two are in the car, always has his arm around your shoulders, kisses your jaw head every time you hug

HAN JISUNG

for some unknown reason i feel like he would have really high standards, so his future partner better feel fucking good if he chooses to be with her

gets shit done, you need to pack? bitch it’s done before you get to your bedroom. you want food? he’s already on the phone calling the local pizza place.

would notice all the little things about you, like the way you bite your nails or pull at your hair when you’re annoyed. he would be able to easily figure out how you’re feeling because of his observations

loves planning dates with you and always has the most ridiculous but ultimately hilarious and really fun ideas.

loyal as fuck, no hoe is getting their hands on your man, probably really sassy with anyone that hits on him.

bit picky about everything but i think he would try his best to compromise with you when it comes to certain things.

LEE FELIX

Plays video games a lot which really annoys you sometimes and you tend push him off the bed if he accidentally yells at you when you unintentionally distract him.

Really talkative and has the most random conversations with you but you don’t mind because they either turn out really cute or funny as all hell. Said conversations tend to happen at 3am in the kitchen while you two eat ice cream out of a tub with you sitting on the counter and Felix standing between your legs.

Loves taking you everywhere, whether that be to events, dance practice, concerts, on tour, everything. He just wants to be as close to you as possible and refuses to let anything get in the way of that.

Tends to show up late to dates but it definitely isn’t intentional, he just loses track of time or on some occasions dance practice, recording or song writing ran late. Always makes it up to you though.

A bit crazy but I mean so are you if he agreed to date you. Dance battles, food fights and hysterical laughter are all very common within your relationship and you both adore those regular occurrences.

Something you are very jealous of is his ability to look like the human definition of a rotten egg (bitch, he could never look anything less than perfect) and then, 10 minutes later, this GREEK MOTHERFUCKING GOD walks out of the damn bathroom.

KIM SEUNGMIN

really good problem solver and refuses to let arguments get out of hand. He doesn’t want you to be yelling at him when you could be cuddling or making out or watching tv or making music or laughing (etc.) with him.

does random things for you, like grabbing your phone for you, carrying your bag, bringing your dishes to the sink, answering your phone (if you say he can because you’re busy doing something), brushing your hair and more. He just likes helping you out as much as possible even if it’s with little mediocre tasks.

is very, very honest with you. Will tell you the truth about anything, how an outfit looks on you, his feelings, what happened to your leftovers, that rash on his ass (CUNT, WHAT-).

likes easy dates, going to the cinema, aquarium or zoo, a small picnic, a music festival maybe, even an art museum.

sometimes gets insecure and needs you to help him out of that bottomless pit, like, when he had so much trouble confessing to you because of his fear of rejection, it was fine though seeing as you liked him back (obviously! Who wouldn’t?)

is randomly silent sometimes which worries you but most of the time he’s either staring at you or daydreaming about you.

YANG JEONGIN

sometimes gets randomly moody but tries his best not to take it out on you and instead, walks out of the room to try and calm himself down or sometimes he just ignores you, so he doesn’t accidentally hurt your feelings, even though that would end up annoying you, lol.

Really likes receiving sentimental gifts, he doesn’t care if it’s not expensive or designer, he would definitely love a scrapbook or photo album about your relationship more than some stupid Gucci belt (can’t say the same for Taehyung though, lollll, I’m not funny).

Whenever you guys fought, he would leave because he hated the drama of it all. He would probably write you a letter as a form of apology. Speaking of letters, love letters! Or poems! Wait! Songs, he would fucking write songs for and about you, yes. Bitch!

Always sees the best in you and literally nothing about you seems like a flaw to him. In his opinion, you are legitimately perfect and bitch, if you tried to change anything, just know that this cutie would throw you over his shoulder before you even tried to change your style to look like everyone else.

He would love every second he spent with you, always taking pictures of you and everything you guys do, he’s just really fucking cute, which we all obviously already know.

If you rejected him because you were worried about him hurting you, get ready for this determined boy to prove you wrong, if he wants you, he’s going to get you (as long as it doesn’t make you uncomfortable).

#lee minho #bang chan #lee felix #kim woojin #skz #stray kids #skz imagine #skz headcanon #dating skz #dating stray kids #hwang hyunjin #yang jeongin #han jisung #stray kids imagine #stray kids head #kim seungmin

118 notes · View notes

the-busy-ghost · 4 years

Text

Forensic Incoherence - TSP Edition

Ok I snapped and thought I’d get it out of my system. Also because I’m petty and I let things annoy me more than they should. I’d like to say first and foremost that people can and should still enjoy ‘The Spanish Princess’ as a fun tv show if they like, I’m simply pointing out that when it comes to Scotland, it bears even less resemblance to actual history than usual.

Also it is by no means the worst representation of Scotland! Which is saying something because it is NOT good. It’s about par for the course I’d say, with regards to the way mediaeval and early modern Scotland are portrayed in the media. Outlaw King and Outlander rise slightly above the mark but only just- i.e. they’re somewhat good pieces of historical media that are still inaccurate but are recognisably Scotland (and have some nice panning shots and good soundtracks). The middle point is probably inaccurate MQOS movies because they’re the least painful kind of inaccuracy that’s still kind of bad (but even their soundtracks don’t save them- I’m sorry John Barry). I will not say what the absolute worst piece of media is, I believe I have yet to encounter it and for that I am grateful. TSP is somewhere between the worst and the middle. The point is, most historical media about sixteenth century Scotland generally sucks, and this tv series is about the usual kind of bad. So I wouldn’t be so irritated with the people who made it if it weren’t for one or two individuals’ saying things about how ‘it really happened’.

With that in mind this is a good teachable moment. Usually there’s little point to a detailed analysis of where inaccuracy occurs in a tv show or movie- let’s face it, if they weren’t all a bit inaccurate they probably wouldn’t work too well on screen. However in this case it is such a classic example of the usual, standard depiction of Scottish history that it provides a great resource for showing where these things go wrong (which is everywhere).

So I thought I’d strip back a reasonably mediocre, not too terrible, not overly interesting piece and ask what we have left of sixteenth century Scotland after we’re finished.

I should point out I did not watch the first series of this show, and am basing this solely on the representation of the actual country in the first episode of season 2.

(Hours of James IV, source- wikimedia commons)

Now I’ve talked about James IV’s children in the first of the three scenes involving Scotland already. The last scene doesn’t have much meat in it except that I can confirm Margaret Tudor did lose multiple children and it WAS sad. So that leaves us with the second scene- the so-called ‘council’.

We open on your Usual Nonsense. Lots of men, many wearing tartan, with two famous surnames thrown in there for fun, arguing because The Clans Are Fighting Again.

I don’t have room to go into a whole analysis of the clan system and why our 21st century concept of ‘Highland clanship’ is not really applicable to many of the families at the centre of sixteenth century politics. Safe to say it is especially not applicable to the Red or Angus line of the Douglases (because yeah there were multiple different branches of that famous family), and only applicable to some of the branches of the Stewart family (and there were dozens of them, spread all over the country and operating in very different cultural worlds).

If Scottish politics worked the way that these writers seem to think it does- i.e. you support everyone who shares your family name against all others- then one wonders why James IV hasn’t taken the side of the Stewarts, seeing as that was his surname. Surnames and blood feud were very important in Scotland, both to traditional “clans” and to other families to don’t fit that bill, but they’re not everything. T.C. Smout famously said that “Highland society was based on kinship modified by feudalism, Lowland society on feudalism tempered by kinship.” Not everyone would agree wholly with that statement, but it’s a good starting point for beginners. Nonetheless, at no point should that confirm anyone’s belief that Scottish politics consisted basically of a bunch of clans with their own unique tartans and modern kilts running around the hills killing each other.

It’s also quite funny since James IV’s reign was one of the most (comparatively) peaceful in Scottish history between the Wars of Independence and the Union of the Crowns. He also had very little trouble controlling most of his subjects when it really mattered.

But I digress. We have Clans TM. They are Arguing. There are Douglases. There are Stewarts. It’s about as complicated as an Old Firm game, but less intellectual. This is supposed to be a serious political council.

(read more below)

Firstly, I can’t seem to find a good concise source, but based on a brief flip through the various charters, council decisions, accounts, and secondary sources on James IV’s reign I don’t think there were even any Douglases on the privy council in early 1511. Not that it’s a huge issue in itself- I don’t think that period dramas really put that much thought into representing the bewildering government reshuffles and that’s not really their main purpose anyway.

But what it leaves is this motley collection of characters, some of whom have historical figures’ names, and others who have vaguely plausible names that can’t be assigned to a specific person, and others who are unnamed set dressing but I get the feeling have probably been discreetly named something like Big Chief Hamish McTavish.

So among the few named characters you have George, Gavin, and “Angus” Douglas. These three are all presumably based on historical figures and it’s not too difficult to identify them, even if (like James IV’s children in another scene) they probably shouldn’t have been in the room.

“Angus” is presumably supposed to be Archibald Douglas, Margaret Tudor’s second husband, who became 6th Earl of Angus in 1513 (so two and a half years after this scene is set). “Angus Douglas” is not his name, in any way. It would be like me referring to Henry VIII as King England Tudor. Bit of a ridiculous mistake to make, if IMDB is not lying to me, since it implies that not only did the scriptwriters not even bother to use google, they didn’t even read the (somewhat inaccurate) novel that they based their show off.

Angus is not a common first name in the Douglas family during this period. In fact I don’t think I have ever heard of anyone called Angus Douglas from the sixteenth century or earlier. It was popular in some families from the west and the far north- mostly Gaelic-speaking families like the MacDonalds and the Mackays- but not really among the inhabitants of the Borders and Lowland east coast, which is where the Red Douglases held *most* (though not all) of their power. The earls of Angus took their title from a region in the east/north-east of the country, but they had a large power-base in the Borders and East Lothian too (not least the hulking red sandstone castle of Tantallon on the Berwickshire cliffs).

(The highlighted region is the modern version of Angus, between Dundee and Aberdeenshire. Nowadays, it has red-brown soil, old Pictish monuments, it grows wonderful raspberries and strawberries, and its main towns include Montrose, Arbroath (with its red sandstone abbey), Brechin, and Forfar. The urban and agricultural make-up would have been different in the sixteenth century though. The Borders meanwhile are pretty self-explanatory).

In 1511, Archibald’s grandfather, also Archibald, was still alive and held the title Earl of Angus. His eldest son George, Master of Angus (the younger Archibald’s father) was his heir apparent in 1511. Now the elderly 5th earl was still a wily character but he was old, and had also been held in custody on royal orders on the Isle of Bute until as recently as 1509, because the 5th earl and James IV had... well it was a complex relationship. We could perhaps assume that he was not able to travel easily- hence why his eldest son George, Master of Angus, seems to be the ‘George’ who is represented in that council scene. Somehow, I don’t see Archibald Junior being called his own grandfather’s title rather than his name when his father was in the room. George, Master of Angus, died at Flodden, which is why he did not succeed to his father’s earldom and the claim passed to his eldest son Archibald.

(There was another George Douglas worth mentioning, though he wouldn’t be in this scene- George Douglas of Pittendreich, Archibald’s younger- and, let’s be honest, smarter- brother. He was father to the Regent Morton).

The last is Gavin Douglas- probably the most interesting of the three to any literary scholars. He was the younger brother of the Master of Angus, and thus uncle to Archibald. He is one of the most important Scots poets- or makars- of James IV’s reign, and personally I would only place him beneath the great William Dunbar (the other big contenders, Henryson and Lindsay, respectively wrote most of their works before and after the adult reign of James IV). His works include the “Palice of Honour,” “King Hart”, and his greatest achievement the “Eneados”, completed c. 1513, which was the first full vernacular translation of the Roman poet Virgil’s Aeneid in either English or Scots. After Flodden, he became Bishop of Dunkeld, partly through Margaret Tudor’s influence, and didn’t find much time for writing any more poetry in the reign of James V, being consumed by political struggle. He died in exile in England in 1522.

Sixteenth century Scots had many complex and conflicting emotions and opinions, and one could severely hate and distrust England while remaining friends with certain Englishmen or respecting certain English customs. Nonetheless I find it a bit funny that Gavin Douglas is the one who is given the line ‘the English are the root of all our troubles’ since there was one thing that the English gave the world that no early sixteenth century Scots makar worth his salt could ever forget- and that was Geoffrey Chaucer (as well as his compatriots Lydgate and Gower). In his ‘Eneados’, Gavin Douglas himself described the great poet as “venerable Chaucer, principall poet but peir”. Which is not to say that such a character could not also have raged against the English on more than one occasion, this is merely to demonstrate that these three named men were rather more complex than the simplistic kilt-wearing, knife-wielding, drunk, Anglophobic, entirely uncultured stereotype we have on screen.

(And while I’m on the kilt and tartan thing- I literally JUST said that the Red Douglases were mostly centred on the Lowlands, and in particular the Borders. While it’s not impossible that they could have occasionally worn tartan, it’s not exactly everyday dress for them- unless you think it was also day dress for people in Carlisle as well. I notice Archibald Douglas himself isn’t really wearing any- perhaps this is to make him look more palatable. And don’t even get me started on the whole “the clans are fighting” thing).

(Look here’s a nice picture of Archibald Douglas, 6th Earl of Angus- admittedly when he was a bit older and had been in exile in England, but look! He’s dressed like other people in sixteenth century Europe! Nothing wrong with tartan but not your usual sixteenth century Borders earl gear.)

Funny thing is though, while the earls of Angus were undoubtedly important (and Gavin Douglas, being a university man, could act as an official), they’d lost their influence a bit by the end of the reign (again, the 5th Earl and James IV had a very layered relationship). Now, while lists of witnesses to charters do not necessarily reveal everything, if you were looking for powerful men who are likely to have been at the centre of government and on the king’s council in 1511 (and not just noblemen who were friends with the king but didn’t have government posts) I would look for some of the below first:

- Alexander Stewart, Archbishop of St Andrews and Chancellor of Scotland in 1511. He appears at the head of the witness list in almost every charter in the first half of 1511, and also signed off on the royal accounts. A young man, only about eighteen in 1511, who had studied under Patrick Paniter (see below), and then later had travelled on the continent and studies under humanists like Raphael Regius and Desiderius Erasmus. He was also James IV’s eldest son, though illegitimate- however although his promotion was undoubtedly nepotistic, there are signs that he would have made a pretty competent archbishop and he certainly actually did his job as chancellor. Although an archbishop (but never old enough to be fully consecrated or receive the revenues of his see), he followed his father to Flodden and died in battle. Erasmus famously eulogized him in his ‘Adages’, saying that:

“when a youth scarcely more than eighteen years old, his achievements in every department of learning were such as you would rightly admire in a grown man. Nor was it the case with him, as it is with so many others, that he had a natural gift for learning but was less disposed to good behaviour. He was shy by nature, but it was a shyness in which you could detect remarkable good sense.”

(A sketch from the Recueil d’Arras which is allegedly a copy of a painting of Alexander Stewart)

- William Elphinstone, Bishop of Aberdeen and Keeper of the Privy Seal in 1511. A man with many years of experience at the centre of government. After studying at Glasgow, Paris, and Orleans, he was made bishop of Ross and travelled to abroad on diplomatic missions. He had previously been High Chancellor of Scotland under James III, and even though he spent a small part of James IV’s early reign out in the cold he was soon brought back into the fold and played a leading role in government. Even though he was never chancellor again, he held the privy seal until the end of his career and often acted as de facto chancellor during the tenure of James IV’s younger brother the Duke of Ross (also an earlier Archbishop of St Andrews). William Elphinstone is also remembered for being a very active bishop in his diocese- he built a bridge over the River Dee, rebuilt part of the cathedral, and founded the University of Aberdeen, which received its papal bull in 1495. He organised the construction of King’s College, and the chapel built on his orders is still at the centre of the university’s campus today. He also sponsored the publication of the Aberdeen Breviary, on Scotland’s first printing press. He is supposed to have been against the invasion of England in 1513, but after the king’s death, Elphinstone was seen as the natural choice to succeed Alexander Stewart in the archdiocese of St Andrews, despite his age. He died in late 1514.

Andrew Stewart, Bishop of Caithness, Treasurer in 1511 takes third place on a lot of charters. Less can be said about him than the first two, though his rise at the centre of government really took off around 1509. He was Treasurer in 1511. It is not clear which branch of the Stewarts he hailed from, but it may have been the Stewarts of Lorne, which would have made him a distant cousin of the king and a slightly closer cousin of the king’s last known mistress, Agnes Stewart. Things are not made any simpler by the fact that, after his death, the next bishop of Caithness was ALSO called Andrew Stewart, and this one was an older half-brother of the Duke of Albany and a son of James IV’s uncle. The main takeaway- there are lots of Stewarts in Scotland, including the Royal Stewarts, and too many branches of the family for any simplistic tale of “clan” rivalry with the Red Douglases to be at all compelling or make sense. It is also worth noting that until 1469, Caithness would have been the most northerly diocese in the kingdom- whether Andrew spent more time there or at the centre of government is unclear.

(A rare contemporary painting of William Elphinstone, bishop of Aberdeen and Keeper of the Privy Seal)

Archibald Campbell, 2nd Earl of Argyll and Master of the Household in 1511- This post was less explicitly a ‘government’ post but the royal household still had an important political role. Even without this government post, though, the earl of Argyll was an important man. One of the two ‘new’ earldoms created in the reign of James II, the earls of Argyll were sometimes seen as royal ‘policemen’ in the West Highlands and islands. Their earldom was named after the large region on the west coast of the same name, cut up by sea-lochs and mountains. However they often had their own agenda and could exercise some independent policies in the Isles and northern Ireland. The earls of Argyll were usually the chiefs of Clan Campbell (look! An actual Highland clan for once!), including its many cadet branches. Clan Campbell has a very black reputation now (with some justification), though it is worth mentioning that in the sixteenth century they were also patrons of Gaelic culture and poetry, and frequently intermarried with the families they were meant to be ‘policing’. Notably, Archibald’s sister had been married to Angus Og (MacDonald), son (and supplanter) of the last “official” Lord of the Isles, but after Angus Og’s murder in the 1490s, the then earl of Argyll kept Angus’ son (his own grandson) Domnall in custody on behalf of the Crown- at least until he escaped and started causing all kinds of trouble in the early 1500s. Archibald Campbell, also called Gillespie, was the second earl of Argyll and rather less influential than his father had been, but he was still one of the most important laymen involved in government in the latter part of James IV’s reign. He died at Flodden in 1513.

Matthew Stewart, 2nd Earl of Lennox and Lord Darnley- Appears as a witness in many charters and is mentioned at council meetings on occasion. Yet another branch of the Stewart family- I must reiterate, a shared surname, though important, did not necessarily mean that everyone shared the same rivalries or stuck together through thick and thin. The Lennox is a region at the south-western edge of the Highlands, and north of the River Clyde- it is mostly centred around Loch Lomond. The Stewarts of Darnley had also had close links with France and in particular the Garde Écossaise for over a century. This earl of Lennox’s father led a short rebellion during the early years of James IV’s reign, but most of that was smoothed over in the end. In all honesty I don’t know that much about Matthew personally, except that he pops up a lot in government and court records (and there was also a very delicate case that came before the council in 1508 involving his daughter). I will need to look into him further. He died at Flodden- his son was the earl of Lennox who then died at Linlithgow Bridge in 1526, and his grandson married Margaret Douglas, daughter of the earl of Angus, and was the father of the infamous Lord Darnley who married Mary I.

Alexander Hume, 3rd Lord Hume and Great Chamberlain of Scotland in 1511. In the early sixteenth century, the Humes were borderers par excellence. Lord Hume was Warden of the East and Middle Marches, and had a great many kinsmen and friends (and a fair few enemies) throughout the borders counties. His great -grandfather and, especially, his father had also carved out a role for themselves at the centre of government. In the first couple of years of James IV’s reign, the Humes and even more so their neighbours the Hepburns (family of the earls of Bothwell) were practically running the show- this may have been one of the main causes of the earl of Lennox’s rebellion. In 1506 Alexander succeeded his father as 3rd Lord Hume and Great Chamberlain (less of an active administrative role by this point, but it still entitled the holder to access the centre of government and the royal household). He fought at Flodden but escaped- unfortunately for the Humes, rumours later circulated that they were partly responsible for the king’s death in the battle, and indeed James IV’s son the earl of Moray is supposed to have accused Hume of this in later years. Hume was one of the men who supported the appointment of the Duke of Albany as governor in 1515, after Margaret Tudor’s marriage to the Earl of Angus, but he very quickly grew dissatisfied with the duke, and by Christmas of the same year he had crossed the Border to join Margaret in Morpeth. After another few months of shenanigans in the Borders, Hume and his brother were captured by the Duke of Albany and executed in 1516- their heads were displayed above the Tolbooth in Edinburgh. This resulted in even more drama but I’m getting off topic and I think enough has been said on Lord Hume to give you an idea of his, um, colourful character. He is *supposed* to have had an affair with the second wife of the 5th Earl of Angus, Katherine Stirling, and was later the second husband of James IV’s last mistress Agnes Stewart, Countess of Bothwell.

(Restored windows in Stirling Castle Great Hall, the 20th century glass bearing the coats of arms of earls from the reign of James IV. The hall dates from around 1503 and was restored in the 1960s to look like it may have done in James IV’s time. It’s bright yellow and gorgeous and I’m furious it’s never used in anything).

Andrew Gray, Lord Gray and Justiciar in 1511- A lord of parliament like Hume, but with a less committed following, whose main interests lay in Angus (the region). Andrew Gray was one of the men who backed James IV in his rebellion against his father in 1488. Indeed, late sixteenth century legend has it that he was the one responsible for James III’s death- either arranging his murder in the mill at Bannockburn or carrying it out himself. However he acted as a loyal servant of the Crown until the end of his life, and as the justiciar he would have accompanied the king and other important nobles on justice ayres across the kingdom (and held some of his own). Traditionally, there had been two justiciars in Scotland- one for Scotia, north of the Forth, and one for south of the Forth (usually identified with Lothian- there was a third sometimes for Galloway as well). In the 1490s, Lord Drummond and the Earl of Huntly had also acted as justiciars at various points, but from around 1501 Lord Gray appears to have been the only justiciar. He died in early 1513.

Master Gavin Dunbar, Archdeacon of St Andrews and Clerk Register in 1511. Not to be confused with either of the poets Gavin Douglas or William Dunbar, nor with his nephew, Gavin Dunbar, Archbishop of Glasgow. This Gavin Dunbar was a graduate of the University of St Andrews and had travelled to France in at least one embassy in 1507. Technically, in 1511, Dunbar was clerk of the rolls, clerk register, and clerk of council- which is a lot of writing (if we assume he did it all himself, which I doubt). In 1518, Dunbar succeeded to William Elphinstone’s old diocese of Aberdeen and showed a decent amount of interest in the diocese. He undertook an extensive rebuilding programme at St Machar’s Cathedral and provided the nave with the wonderful heraldic ceiling that can still be seen today.

Master Patrick Paniter, Secretary to the King (among other things) in 1511. A very interesting individual. Paniter’s family were from the area around Montrose, in Angus, and he attended university at the College of Montaigu in Paris (as did many of his compatriots, including the contemporary theologian John Mair). He was clearly a bright spark since upon his return to Scotland he seems to have been appointed tutor to James IV’s young son Alexander and the two had a good relationship, with Paniter writing to the young archbishop as ‘half his soul’ and Alexander in turn keeping in touch with his ‘dear teacher’ while on the continent. By that time though, Patrick had moved onto bigger things, since the king appointed him royal secretary some time around 1505. Eventually Paniter became one of James IV’s most influential servants- in 1513, the English Ambassador Dr Nicholas West described the secretary as the man “which doothe all with his maister”. Of course Paniter enriched himself quite a bit too, becoming, among other things, archdeacon and chancellor of Dunkeld, deacon of Moray, rector of Tannadice, and Abbot of Cambuskenneth and, controversially, James IV also attempted to appoint him as preceptor of Torphicen. Paniter helped to direct the artillery at Flodden but unlike both his patron and former pupil, he survived the battle. He is also *reputed* to have been the father of David Paniter, bishop of Ross, by King James IV’s cousin Margaret Crichton.

The men whose careers I’ve outlined above all witnessed the majority of royal charters issued under the great seal in the first half of 1511 (by modern dating). A few others also appeared frequently- for example, Robert Colville of Ochiltree, John Hepburn the Prior of St Andrews, and George Crichton, Abbot of Holyrood. Obviously the make-up of the council changed frequently too. Equally though charters are not necessarily the only or best indication of who would have been part of the king’s ‘council’ and there are other officials and nobles whom we know were close to the king but rarely appear on these, either due to the date range or just their own status- Andrew Forman, bishop of Moray; the 1st earl of Bothwell (before his death); the 5th earl of Angus (in the 1490s anyway- I told you it was a complex relationship); John, Lord Drummond (especially in the 1490s), and others.

But why did I bother giving those long biographies? Well partly to demonstrate the complexity of individual stories in sixteenth century Scottish politics and that they did do important and interesting things. Also since several of these men held opposing political views and family interests, but were usually expected to cooperate at the centre of government, it underlines the point that sixteenth century Scottish politics was a bit more complex than ‘The Clans Are Fighting’. And also this is partly to show that we DO actually have this info at our disposal. Most tv shows and films just choose not to use it.

But the real reason for this long rant was mostly so I could ask, given the info I’ve provided above, WHO THE HELL IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE:

It’s a bad picture, I know and again, nothing against the actor who seems to be having a lot of fun with the role. But other than James IV, Margaret, and the three Douglases (one of whom has the wrong name and they all have the wrong clothes and also none of them should have been there), this is the only named character in that scene. And I cannot for the life of me work out who he is supposed to be.

He’s given the name Alexander Stewart. As we have seen, there was certainly an Alexander Stewart on the king’s council in 1511- the king’s son who was born c. 1493 and was also Archbishop of St Andrews. Now this this man very much NOT younger than Margaret Tudor, and very unlike the boy Erasmus described, and even though that Alexander died fighting in battle I’m not sure he would have spent most of his days brandishing daggers and yelling abuse at the Douglases in council meetings. He is also probably not our man because as I discussed here, I think the archbishop’s supposed to be counted among James IV’s children in that other scene where this tv series wrongly implies that Margaret Tudor played nursemaid to all of James’ children (again, not one of those kids should have been in the room and it’s really weird that none of them seem to have aged even though two of them were probably older than Mary Tudor).

So who is he? There were definitely other Alexander Stewarts who were both associated with the royal household and who were kicking about sixteenth century Scotland more generally. One was in fact the half-brother of the Duke of Albany- but he really doesn’t seem to have played any role in government, and mostly he appears when his expenses were met by his cousin the king, presumably out of familial responsibility (see also the king’s other probable cousins Christopher, the Danish page, and Margaret Crichton). Another one was Alexander Stewart, Earl of Buchan, a more distant cousin of the king (he was the grandson of Joan Beaufort), but he was dead by 1511 and his son was called John- meanwhile his half-sister Agnes, the king’s mistress, was enjoying the profits of the earldom. In character he seems to come across more like an earlier earl of Buchan, that infamous Alexander Stewart who got the nickname ‘The Wolf of Badenoch’- but he died over a century before 1511. There are probably a couple of other Alexander Stewarts I’ve missed out- it’s a popular name- but none I can think of who would have had any sort of reason to be on the king’s council.

Also worth mentioning I’m not sure what he means when he accuses the Douglases of ransacking his family’s ‘Lowland lands’. That’s just so confusing I won’t even get into it.

ANYWAY there was a point to all this ranting. As I said above, people should absolutely enjoy this show if they want to. However, two things may be said- firstly that if a show is already fairly inaccurate about English history, I am always willing to bet that they have been 200% more inaccurate about Scotland- to the extent that it’s not even inaccuracy any more, it’s just a completely different world and story.

Secondly, when the producers or whoever (and no disrespect to them necessarily except when they say this) claim that they did their research and say stuff like "we are totally with her story, we're up in Scotland, we're sort of Spanish Princess meets Outlander" I would like to remind everyone that not only is this waaaay less accurate than even Outlander could manage:

- Probably none of the kids in the first scene should have been there

- Probably none of the men in the council scene should have been there (except James, obviously)

- The costumes are the same nonsense as usual.

- There were only five named historical figures and somehow they still managed to balls up one of the names (again, Angus Douglas??? How did they even manage to mess that one up??)

- The sixth named figure is a completely made up individual with a vaguely plausible name who appears to serve no other purpose than to get stabby and foul-mouthed and show that The Clans(TM), as they put it, Are Fighting Again.

- It’s heavily implied that absolutely nobody involved in the production has ever looked at a map of Scotland properly, or tried to work out where any of these guys come from. Which is amazing given it’s literally attached to the map of England. Essentially, the land and regions matter in Scottish history and it’s one of the biggest things that period dramas misunderstand or simplify.

- As usual the architecture is slightly off, though it could be worse. Despite the claim that ‘we’re up in Scotland’, suffers from the usual feeling that actually no camera crew made it any further north than Alnwick (though the CGI Warwick-Edinburgh thing kind of worked.).

- Everyone is a classic stereotype of the Barbarian Uncultured Scot and the only sop thrown is the bit with James and the teeth.

- The above thus implies that the creators have not considered that Scotland could ever have anything of any cultural value, such as a talented poet they are literally showing on screen or a bunch of bishops and other churchmen they aren’t. Which is just European Renaissance stuff, and not even getting into the highly impressive cultural world of Gaelic Scotland and Ireland.

- Everyone Is Sexist Except the English (for god’s sake, it’s the 16th century)

- Person wanders around yelling that they are the king/queen and expects this to work. No.

- Bruce and Wallace are (accurately) mentioned a lot but it’s probably more because that’s the only people the writers have heard of, rather than any nod to 16th century literary and historical tradition. No James Douglas or Thomas the Rhymer or St Margaret is expected to make an appearance.

- Incredibly evident that nobody has opened a book on the reign of James IV or even one of those dodgy biographies of Margaret Tudor. I’m not even entirely convinced that they read Gregory’s novel, which is supposed to be their source material.

So what do we actually have?

- James IV’s interest in medicine and alchemy and other proto-sciences is given a nod with the teeth thing

- We know there were black musicians at James IV’s court and that was shown.

- It is implied Margaret Tudor has lost babies. This is true. However there are still allegedly two alive so the maths doesn’t add up.

- Some modern Scottish accents, one done by a Northern Irishman.

- A handful of historical figures’ names scattered around willy-nilly (one of them incorrect).

The overall point is, once again, if you thought the inaccuracy about English history was bad, there isn’t even any inaccuracy in the Scottish stuff, because it’s not even sixteenth century Scotland any more. And that wouldn’t be an issue if the creators didn’t keep going on about how this is what really happened.

(King’s College, University of Aberdeen, with Bishop Elphinstone’s chapel to the right. On other sides of the chapel, the coats of arms displayed include those of James IV, Margaret Tudor, and Alexander Stewart, Archbishop of St Andrews- I think the Duke of Ross might be there too, can’t remember)

- Most of my sources for this included Norman McDougall’s biography of James IV, Macfarlane’s biography of Elphinstone, good general overviews, and a lot of primary sources- especially the register of the Great Seal. Also general knowledge about Scotland because, you know, I’m from there. HOWEVER if anyone wants a source for a specific detail I should be able to find that reasonably easily. Just let me know.

#Scotland #Scottish history #British history #Margaret Tudor #period drama #didn't know what to tag as sorry

4 notes · View notes

beautifulbuckys · 5 years

Text

Scones and Sticky Notes

Ship: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Like two swears, a cheesy pickup line

A/N: Heyyy so I really like this writing of mine!! It’s a lil in the future and DOES NOT contain any spoilers for FFH, you are safe!! Please enjoy!!! Also a little P.S that requests are open!

It was the day. Peter woke up early for today. It was a routine Friday to everyone else in Queens. A regular day to anyone except for Peter. Today was December 20th, the day he's been anticipating since mid-April. Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker has officially been released in theatres, and Peter was every form of the word 'excited'. Exhilarated? yes. Enthusiastic? Definitely. Eager? Without a doubt. He's counted down to this day for months, Ned has been too. Peter and Ned adored the franchise, they had annual movie marathons just for the enjoyment of it.

Peter spent weeks convincing May to let him skip school to see it. He gave her plenty of reasons why he should go, he thought they were indisputable.

"I'm far ahead of my work, Aunt May!" He told her last Tuesday when she was plating Peter's chicken. This was his last shot, she kept denying him, so he saw this as his last chance. All she did was nod and tell him she's think about it. His wide smile faltered a bit, showing some obvious disappointment.

"I'm kidding," Aunt May said with a mouthful of potatoes sticking in her mouth. "Of course, kiddo!"

He thanked her at least twelve different times throughout their dinner. She told him each time that he didn't need to thank her. His grades were good, and he was right, he was far ahead of his work. He merited a little mental health day.

Once dinner was done Peter rushed to his room and texted Ned.

'BRO! She said yes!! We're going!'

Ned quickly scanned the text and replied at sonic speed.

'Sick! See you next Friday!'

It all felt like yesterday, but at the same time, the day couldn't come soon enough. But now it was here!!

Peter looked to his left to look at his alarm clock, 6:47. Perfect, he had about 2 hours until their movie showing. Peter lept out of bed and made a beeline to his closet. He looked at each of his shirts on the railing of his miniature closet. If he wasn't satisfied with it, he'd push it to the right with a high pitched screech from the hanger's friction with the railing. After going through what felt like 20 shirts, which was truly five, he found the perfect Star Wars graphic tee. He threw it on his bed, which landed on his pillow, and shuffled to his drawer for some pants. Peter just grabbed a pair of distressed blue jeans and flung them on the bed too, this time settling on the latter to his top bunk.

After selecting his clothes, he grabbed them up and carried them to the bathroom. He passed through the kitchen, which was filled with smoke. Wait....smoke?

"Sorry, Pete. Scrambled eggs didn't work out so great this morning." Aunt May chuckled.

This situation might be concerning in any other household, but to Peter it's normal. Smoke in the kitchen is like watching TV, it just happens but you don't question it.

Peter grinned at Aunt May. Despite her untalented cooking techniques, he still appreciated it nonetheless. "It's alright, I'll bring home some scones after the movie."

"Thanks, Peter"

"I'm gonna hop in the shower, shout if you need me or something," Peter shouted while closing the bathroom door. He had his entire morning planned out in his head. He'd shower, get dressed, so his hair, pick up Ned and then go to breakfast. Time for step one.

Peter walked briskly down the street, Ned by his side. They were on a mission to get to the cafe down the street, which was cleverly named It Dough Matter. Ned was doing some rambling about how excited he was for the movie. Peter was listening, he would never not listen to Ned, he was just a tad distracted with getting to the cafe on time.

As they walked in, the smell of coffee and cinnamon flooded the boy's senses. It smelt like heaven.

"I'm gonna find us a seat, I'll text you my order," Ned suggested while departing from Peter, who was already standing patiently in line. Peter gave him a small nod and continued to overthink about the movie.

Once Peter found Ned at their table, he placed the two coffees, muffin and raspberry scone down on the table. It was a table next to one of the large windows the cafe had. It showed the local population, the convenience store, the bank and the small flower shop everyone visited during prom season. Peter sat in the wooden chair, handing Ned a napkin and his muffin.

"This is the cleanest one I could get," Ned said to break the silence. "It's a nice view though." He added.

Peter looked at Ned and nodded again because he was suddenly at a loss for words. Right behind Ned's shoulder was a girl sitting at the booth directly behind the teenagers. She was absolutely breathtaking.

Ned waved his hand in front of Peter's face slowly. "Hello? Earth to Peter?"

Peter leaned forward, waiting for Ned to lean into the middle of the table. As Ned leaned down, Peter put a finger over his lips to tell Ned to shut up.

"There's the most stunning girl right behind us," Peter whispered, making sure he had Ned's full attention.

"No way!" Ned exclaimed as he turned around.

"SHHHH!" Peter hissed as he grabbed Ned and turned him back around. "I think she's wearing a Star Wars tee. Do you think she's going to the same showing as us?"

"Bro! Probably!"

Peter nodded for the third time today, not because his mind was full, not because he thought it'd be a good response, he was simply at a loss for words.

Butterflies filled Peter's stomach as they approached the theatre. This is the moment in his life where he feels like he could die because of being excited. Ned shuffled to the ticket man first. He handed the man his ticket with a shaky hand and took it back once he ripped it. "Enjoy the movie!" The man said. Peter was next. He offered the awkwardly dressed man his ticket and took the ripped ticket back in one motion.

He met Ned next to the bathrooms. The neon lights shone on Ned's skin making him look like a mediocre Darth Maul cosplay. Peter laughed, and Ned laughed with him. Ned understood Peter wasn't laughing at him, and it was funny to him because Peter also looked like a bad cosplay of the underrated villain.

"Ready?" Peter asked, his voice laced with enthusiasm.

"Ready," Ned replied, fist-bumping Peter as the duo walked to their theatre.

Peter looked down at his ticket while they still had light. He was in seat H09. Ned was in seat H08, so Peter couldn't help but wonder who H10 was.

Peter opened the door, holding it for Ned who thanked him as he stepped past the trash can and into the theatre. Peter followed suit, walking with some pep in his step as they approached their seats. Once Peter got close enough to H09, he saw who was sitting in H10. Holy shit. It was the cafe girl!

Peter turned to his right and tapped Ned on the shoulder. "Don't freak out but I'm sitting next to cafe girl."

Ned laughed, he noticed the slight tint on Peter's cheeks, even in this dark theatre.

"You better make a move or I will."

Peter slowly walked towards his seat. "Is that a challenge, buddy?" He whispered.

"You bet your spidey-suit it is," Peter smirked at the comment.

Peter then sat in his seat. Even though his jeans, he could feel the rough cloth of the cheap seat. Not that it was a big deal. He wouldn't let a seat ruin his Star Wars day.

"Next time, bring a blanket or a sweatshirt to sit on, this theatre sucks," A feminine voice to his right stated.

Peter's eyes widened, panic set in. His butterflies were let loose for a different reason this time. He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks.

"Cool," He said.

Cool? Peter Parker how stupid are you?

"You just blew it," Ned muttered in his ear. "You sounded like a total douche!"

Peter groaned. "Thanks, Ned,"

The previews started playing, advertizements to buy Skittles or to get a Regal Cinemas gift card. Nothing Peter hasn't seen before.

"Twizzler?" The cafe girl offered. She outstretched her hand towards Peter and looked down at them.

"Sure!" Peter smiled, taking one from the cafe girl's hand.

She beamed at his acceptance. He noticed, of course. She looked beautiful when she was smiling. The way the movie screen lit up her features, smile or not, was mesmerizing.

"I'm Peter...by the way,"

"Nice to meet you, Peter, I'm Y/N!" The cafe girl, now named Y/N, cheered. "I think I saw you at It Dough Matter earlier, is that right?"

"Yeah! It's one of my favourites! Their scones are some of the best in the country." Peter insisted.

"Tell me about it, man! I am obsessed with their blueberry scones!" Peter giggled like a school girl. Not only is this girl beautiful, but she loved scones. She's perfect!

Peter felt Ned nudge at his elbow, but he didn't really care. He was too busy looking into Y/N's beautiful eyes to give a damn. They were just so, amazing. He could write an essay about her eyes.

"Well," Y/N said, "It looks like the movie is starting. If you talk, Peter, you're dead to me."

Peter laughed and turned his attention to the movie screen.

The audience cheered when the credits started rolling. That was amazing! Y/N got up and placed a sticky note on Peter's large Coke that he was drinking. He was too busy to notice though. He and Ned liked to stay for the credits, just to show some appreciation to those behind the scenes. However, once they were done, Peter shifted to his left to be greeted with emptiness. Y/N left. Odd.

He looked down though, at his cup. To see a sticky note. That's...different. He opened it to see a small drawing of a lightsaber and a little note next to it. It had a number.

You're the Obi-Wan for me ;) -Y/N

#peter parker x reader #reader x peter parker #peter parker #spiderman #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel #mcu #fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel oneshot #oneshot

189 notes · View notes

queenmercurys · 5 years

Text

So, I usually refrain from expressing too many “problematic” opinions on this platform mainly because I don’t wanna deal with anon hate. I’ve done so in the past and it’s never been fun. But since I’ve been talking my friends’ ears off about Disney recently, I thought I would give it a go here. Yes, in the safety of the “read more”-button, because overall, my opinion doesn’t matter and I don’t wanna force it on anyone.

Let’s cut to the chase. I kind of hate Disney. Don’t get me wrong, I watch Disney films and I occasionally reblog some Disney stuff. I think some of their earlier things, from The Hunchback of Notre Dame to Atlantis, are truly enjoyable films. But I’ve never been into the whole Marvel phenomenon. I don’t care about superhero movies, and the way Marvel is insistent upon franchising everything and essentially making every film a cliffhanger for another cliffhanger film, just makes the whole sub-genre less appealing to me. I’m not exactly an action film fan as it is, and when it’s done in such a chaotic way as the Marvel films tend to be, I’m even less convinced. I’m not saying every Marvel film has to be a John Wick in the quality of action, but... one of them could be, no? As for Star Wars, well, it is my personal opinion that Disney has thoroughly ruined the franchise, to the point that I actually prefer the prequels. Maybe they were messy, badly acted and boring, but at least they felt like films - rather than products made for a cash grab.

As for their other products, well, I like Tangled. Moana is passable. Frozen is fine (but only fine). But none of these animated films have touched me in ways that, for example, The Swan Princess, The Prince of Egypt and Quest for Camelot have. Ever since I was a child, I’ve preferred non-Disney animated films without even realizing it. Maybe it’s because to me, the non-Disney films just tackle more complicated, fascinating stories that rely less on the chance to make merchandise and more on the opportunity to make good content. I have often heard the term of something being “too Disney”. Which, basically, kinda means that a film is just too family-friendly when it really doesn’t have to be. And that is probably something missing from the non-Disney examples I just gave. Admittedly, all of these films are from the 90′s, and I’m sure Dreamworks and co. have now fallen into the same cash-grab trap that Disney is currently sitting in. But nevertheless, I still consider most non-Disney animated films to be superior to their Disney counterparts. Part of it is definitely my annoying habit of disliking something that is too popular simply because it is popular - but I don’t think that’s the whole story. And my dislike of Disney has only grown over the years, to the point that I’m considering boycotting the company entirely. And here’s a few of the biggest reasons why:

Disney+. Yes, every company has the right to try to make money, and they should. But I think Disney+ will only mean the death of other streaming services, and eventually, the death of diversity and creative freedom in the film and TV industry. I prefer Netflix over anything Disney has ever spat out, and while I recognize its flaws, I hope that it will not get overshadowed by Disney+. But who are we kidding? It will. Especially in America, Disney is this sacred thing that nothing can defeat. Disney’s mediocre films (such as Frozen and Marvel movies) are praised as gifts from God, and everything else is either compared to Disney products, or discarded because of Disney. From everything I have read and watched, Disney+ is going to be a real threat to all of its contemporaries. It’s going to be cheaper than Netflix and others, and it’s going to have the products the masses adore (again, namely Marvel). Netflix will lose customers, and Disney+ will gain them. This will most likely make it difficult for Netflix to make new original content, and will most likely also affect movie theatres. Because if Disney+ continues their trend of releasing films on the platform rather than in theatres, well, what choice do Disney fans have but to join the service? And in the end, we’ll be left with nothing but films and shows that are so lifeless, or old classics we know from beginning to end. And neither one of these options encourage anything new.

This brings me to my second point, which is the lack of creativity and new ideas. You only have to look as far as the Disney liveaction remakes to see that they don’t care if they give you new, quality entertainment. All they care about is getting your money. And again, I am also at fault here. I liked Cinderella just fine. I loved the new Aladdin. I paid to go see those films. I gave Disney my money and thus, encouraged them to make new liveaction remakes. So, I can’t really criticize much when I’m also the offending party here. But still. Remaking every single classic Disney film? That is just exploiting nostalgia to the point that it’s becoming absurd. And all this does is stop Disney from working on new, interesting films that don’t exist in an already established franchise, or aren’t direct remakes. It’s not like Disney doesn’t have the money to take risks. It just refuses to, because why take risks when you can make easy money? And make no mistake. Aladdin 2019 was easy money. Frozen 2 was easy money. And however nice these products are, it does show in the end result. The stories are recycled, and feel kind of lifeless. The fact that people are comparing The Rise of Skywalker to Avengers Endgame only proves that Disney is not only recycling its’ own ideas, but that it’s stripping the directors and writers involved of their creative freedom. I’ve read stuff about how much JJ Abrams had to change in The Rise of Skywalker to accommodate Disney, and it’s actually pretty scary. What the hell is even the point of trying to tell original stories if Mickey Mouse is just gonna come and tell you to rewrite everything you’ve worked on? Disney is perhaps the most obnoxious and money-hungry company I have ever heard of in my life, and that’s saying a lot when there’s companies like Amazon and Apple around.

My third and final point is the fact that Disney owns, or is on its’ way to owning, everything. Absolutely everything. Star Wars. 20th Century Fox. You name it. Almost everything in the film industry at this point is Disney. And that sucks. It sucks so much. I can’t put it any other way. It terrifies me that Disney is in charge of so much of the content we are given. Because, let’s face it. Disney is not the most risk-taking company (at least not anymore), and certainly not the most diversity-encouraging one. People of color, LGBTQ+ characters, you name it - all of the representation in film and TV will most certainly lessen even more once Disney has its’ claws in everything. Disney only represents minorities when it serves them, and when they know they’ll get money off of it. Like that lesbian kiss at the end of Rise of Skywalker? I didn’t even fucking spot it when I watched the film! That is not representation. Having a token black character (who is completely wasted in the case of Finn in Star Wars) is not enough representation. Disney is a coward, and has been for a long time. All Disney cares about is profit, and that’s it. That’s 100000% it. And I’m not saying that other companies are much better. Of course Netflix wants your money. Of course HBO wants you to hand over your credit card info. But at least the content we receive from those companies varies. Not everything Netflix produces is another Stranger Things. HBO has done things that vary from Game of Thrones. But Disney (in recent years)? Remakes. Sequels. Rebooting a known franchise. It’s all been done before. And I’m scared that, say, ten years from now, every single action film will have the protagonist say a variation of “I am Iron Man” before doing their own variation of snapping their fingers. And, in my very non-expert, very non-educated opinion, that would suck.

By the way, it goes without saying, but all of this is just MY opinion. If you love Disney+, if you love Marvel, that’s amazing. I am so happy for you. This is a really good time for you. I’m nothing but a pretentious dick who is complaining about what is essentially just harmless fun. Just wanted to make that clear.

#i kind of needed to put this into words #the current state of the film industry terrifies me #rip creativity i guess #my ramblings

16 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

drawing new lines, chapter two (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr: plastiquetiaras) | (word count: 3514)

AN: Thank you SO so much for the lovely response to the first chapter. I’m so glad you guys are enjoying it so far as much as I am. This story is so, so fun to write and such a lovely refresher from the angst trains I usually end up on while writing. Hope you enjoy this chapter as well! Writ, as usual, is the most wonderful beta.

Vanessa is already bouncing in the Starbucks line before even getting her sweet, sweet hit of caffeine. But she’s two days into this fake dating business, and the real finesse is about to start.

“Hi, welcome to Starbucks, what would you like?”

“Can I have a grande blonde roast, two creams, two sugars…and a grande dark roast, black with room for milk?”

Vanessa’s own coffee needs to be chock-full of sugar in order for her to be able to drink it, but Brooke? Vanessa’s not quite sure what she likes, but a dark roast with cream and sugar brought on the side seems like a safe option.

Silky and A’keria look at her with questions on their faces as they wait for their drinks to finish, A’keria already munching on her breakfast sandwich.

“Why you ordering two?” Silky’s looking at her with narrowed eyes, and it’s all Vanessa can do to not yell in excitement as she tries to keep herself blasé.

“Oh, no reason. Thought I’d drop by Brooke’s office, that’s all. We going on a date tonight.” She holds her fingers out in front of her, inspects her cuticles, as if it’s an everyday statement, a normal occurrence to go out with the office building’s most eligible bachelorette.

Which it completely isn’t, by the way that A’keria slams her breakfast sandwich down on the counter.

“You’re what?” Silky’s yell makes other customers around them turn around, stare, and Vanessa doesn’t even care, because the looks on Silky and A’keria’s faces are enough to keep her laughing for days.

“Goddamn, Vanj. You really got that blonde skyscraper to agree to go on a date with you?” A’keria looks mildly impressed. “To be honest, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I told y’all, I’m a catch.” Sure, Vanessa’s voice is a bit haughty for someone who is absolutely not going on a proper date with Brooke, rather a fake one, but regardless. She’s gonna milk it.

“I’m surprised someone sees it.” A’keria shares a look with Silky, who is shaking her head in disbelief. “Even more surprised that it’s her.”

“No one can resist the Vanjie charm.” With that, Vanessa picks up both drinks, winking at her friends before heading to the elevators. “Deuces!”

Brooke is mildly amused when Vanessa swings by her office, placing the coffee in her empty hand. “How’d you know I like my coffee black?”

Vanessa raises an eyebrow at her. “You look like the kind of person who thinks that putting sugar and cream in coffee ruins the taste or something.”

“It does actually, it-” Brooke pauses when she sees Vanessa snickering. “Hmph, never mind.”

“You enjoy your boring coffee, and imma enjoy this sugary goodness.” Vanessa’s own drink smells like caffeinated heaven, and so what if she takes a big sniff of the cup? No one’s judging her.

Okay, maybe Brooke is, from the way a single eyebrow of hers is raised, but Vanessa also doesn’t care.

“You are absolutely going to have a sugar crash in an hour or two from that.” Brooke points at her cup as she takes another swig.

“Bold of you to assume my body hasn’t built up an immunity to sugar because of how much of it I have on the daily.”

“You’re ridiculous.” But Brooke laughs as she’s saying it, a real laugh, by the way her eyes are crinkling at the edges.

“Count on it.” Vanessa plops into Brooke’s fancy desk chair, her office a stark contrast from Vanessa’s cubicle. “Damn, this is comfy. D’you have to buy this shit? Or did they just give it to you?”

“Amazon, actually. I have a bad back.” Brooke leans against her own desk, facing Vanessa. Her legs look like they go on forever in her heeled boots, though Vanessa is absolutely not focusing on them, no ma’am.

“Send me the link, would you? I wanna pimp out my boring cubicle.”

Brooke snorts. “Now that’s a trashy reality show I would watch.”

“Speaking of which, we got our first fake date tonight.” Vanessa crosses one leg over the other in the office chair, leans back against it. “I’m thinking shitty TV show marathon.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow. “You wanna Netflix and chill on the first date?”

“What? We’re not actually-” Vanessa sputters on her words, because Brooke’s looking at her with a note of amusement in her eyes. “Damn, you making me sound like I got a one track mind, mama.”

“I mean, it’s our first date, isn’t it? You gotta take me somewhere classy first, treat me real nice.” Brooke is fully enjoying the conversation at Vanessa’s expense, leaning forward as she winks at her. “If you wanna keep a lady around you have to make her feel like a queen, y’know.”

“Goddamn, not even real dating and we got demands here.” But it doesn’t deter Vanessa in the least - in fact, if Brooke wants to enjoy this scam that they’re pulling off, Vanessa’s gonna make sure she does by planning the best damn date ever.

Vanessa discovers that she has incredible difficulty planning the ‘best damn date ever,’ even when it’s fake.

“Y’all, where do I take her? I ain’t planned shit! Just told her to dress up real nice, now she expecting something special and my dumbass was so excited for the date that I forgot to plan. Shit!”

To an outsider, it looks like Vanessa’s officially lost her marbles, talking to herself. While she certainly does feel that way, she’s got her good Judys on the open FaceTime screen, ready to help her in times of crisis such as these.

Vanessa’s rifling through her closet, pulling out dress after dress because none of them will work, not in the least. They’re too short or too nun-like or too thotty - she needs the perfect amount of classy, and it’s nowhere to be found.

“Vanj. Vanj. That fancy restaurant uptown?”

Silky’s suggestion is nice, sure, but absolutely no help. “That place has been booked up for months, Silk. Ain’t no way we gonna get a reservation for tonight.”

“Take her to a movie or some shit, then balance it with a mediocre restaurant. They’ll cancel each other out.” A’keria’s suggestion is smart, sensible, but-

“But that’s so boring, that’s what everyone does on every first date to ever exist. I wanna wow her.”

Vanessa’s not even sure why it matters so much to her - the date is not even a real date, for crying out loud. But part of her still wants to impress Brooke, make her enjoy herself, because she’s still taking time out of her own evening to spend with Vanessa after all, real or not.

“I ain’t got nothing left for you.” Silky shrugs, grabbing another handful of popcorn that she’s popped specifically to watch Vanessa’s dramatics. “You on your own. It’s now or never.”

Vanessa looks out the window of her apartment, sees the glittering lights and sky scrapers that feel so far away and-

“Shit y’all, I’ve got it!”

“Planetarium, huh?”

Brooke’s impressed - Vanessa can tell these types of things. It makes her more excited than she wants to admit.

“Ah y’know, nice chill first date material.” As if Vanessa hasn’t already tried to pat herself on the back for coming up with it. “Anyone tell you that you look killer, by the way?”

Brooke does, in a black knee length dress that makes Vanessa’s eyes constantly trail to her-

She can control herself. She’s not a teenage boy. Or is trying not to be.

Brooke gives her an appreciative once over in response, one that makes Vanessa squirm under her gaze even though she knows that there’s nothing behind it, that it’s platonic. Because there’s something about having Brooke’s full attention that still feels like a bit too much, like it’s taking her breath away.

“Where do you want to sit?” Brooke’s looking at her with an eyebrow raised, as if she’s already asked the question more than once, as if the first time had flown over Vanessa’s head. If it has, Vanessa’s unaware of it.

But she’s not going to make it a habit. Brooke’s just a person - a smoking hot one, sure, but still just a person. Someone who’s helping her win a bet against A’keria and Silky, and so Vanessa owes it to both of them to make sure they have fun in the process.

So, she’s gonna make sure Brooke has the best fake first date in her damn life.

“Let’s go to the back. My neck’s gonna cramp up if we take the front.” Vanessa takes a step up the stairs, but not before interlocking fingers with Brooke - after all, if she’s gonna play the part, she’s gonna fully go for it.

Brooke shrugs, but doesn’t pull her hand back. Instead, she tightens their grip. “Works for me. Lead the way.”

The theatre darkens as they take their seats, and the announcer’s voice is hard to focus on, it is, when the ceiling above them is lit up with stars and galaxies not unlike those that would sparkle in Vanessa’s dreams when she was six and had wanted to be an astronaut. The twinkles that seem so in reach, so close by, not like the huge bundles of fire that they actually are, the ones that burn should anyone get too close.

It’s mesmerizing.

Vanessa feels the resurfacing of the niche outer space facts from her childhood, from the secondhand kid’s encyclopedias that her mom had gotten for her at garage sales. The ones that Vanessa would pour over, trying to absorb everything she could, back when her biggest problems in life could be solved by thumbing through the pages.

“Did you know that any these stars coulda burned out ages ago and we wouldn’t know, ‘cause of how fucking far away they are? They’re hundreds of light years away so when we see them burn out, it’s actually happened centuries back. But we only find out now.” Vanessa whispers the words because the narrator is still droning on and she doesn’t want to disrupt anyone else.

But it’s cool.

Brooke looks over for a second, unspoken questions on her face that Vanessa can’t quite decipher. “How’d you know so much about space?”

Brooke’s voice is a whisper too, not wanting to disturb the presentation either, and it strikes Vanessa how much the reflection of the stars in Brooke’s eyes is really making them shine.

“Astronaut was my backup career after HR.” The statement has the intended outcome of making Brooke laugh, and it feels better than Vanessa wants to admit. “You ain’t had obsessions as a kid?”

Brooke pauses, really thinks. “Mine was the Titanic, when I was eight. Not the movie, but the actual sinking of the ship itself. I was fascinated by it.”

Vanessa wrinkles her nose. “The ship? Why?”

“I dunno,” Brooke shrugs, “think it was the way it contradicted itself. Supposed to be the unsinkable ship, branded as such. Treated as such. Yet it went down on the first voyage.”

“That’s what happens when you get overcocky. Can’t mouth off too much.” Vanessa tries to hold back a laugh when Brooke looks over at her, the scandalized furrow of her brow fitting perfectly from the way her mouth has slightly fallen open. “Am I wrong, though?”

Brooke lets out a huff. “No. But still.”

But Brooke’s face can’t hold its serious expression for long, though, something Vanessa is delighted to see. Vanessa grins when Brooke leans back in her seat, tugs on the bracelet on her wrist. “Tell me more outer space facts, space girl.”

“What kinda nickname is that?”

Brooke grins. “One that somehow fits you.”

Instagram story posted by @bhytes. Location: @griffithobservatory. Tagged: @vanessavanjie. Description: A boomerang of Vanessa spinning in a circle, her skirt twirling around her, under a backdrop of stars.

“So, there we were in Target, my abuela completely having lost control of the motorized scooter, about to crash into the display of paper towels, my mom running after her and screaming, a buncha other customers watching with their mouths open, and me and my aunt laughing so hard that we’re about to fall over.” Vanessa’s eyes are lit up as she sets the scene, and Brooke doesn’t think she’s ever laughed so much in her life.

“Stop, stop. I’m gonna pee.” Brooke has to wipe a tear from her eye, trying desperately to hold back the giggles that are threatening to bubble up again whenever she so much as makes eye contact with Vanessa.

“So then she crashes, right? But then one of the wheels is still going so she starts spinning. Spinning. Meanwhile my mom’s tryna turn off the dang thing, and you know what starts playing in the background?” Vanessa takes a bite of her pasta, and Brooke wants to take a sip of her own drink, she really does, but she’s afraid of doing a spit take at this point.

“Oh, god. What?”

Vanessa giggles before she can get the words out. “‘You Spin Me Round’ by Dead or Alive. You know, ‘you spin me right round baby, right round like a record player…’”

“Shut up.” Brooke has to clap a hand over her mouth because the other diners at the restaurant are looking over at the two of them, but she can’t help it, can’t help the laughter because Vanessa is hysterical.

“I ain’t playing, it really did! Me and my aunt were absolutely hollering and no help whatsoever to my abuela. Some random pimply sixteen year old that worked there had to come and turn her scooter off.”

“She wasn’t hurt, was she?” Brooke pauses, realizing that the story could have more serious consequences on the way. She doesn’t want to be disrespectful towards Vanessa’s grandma, she really doesn’t-

But Vanessa waves her hand. “Nah, she was fine. In fact, when they got her up again, she started grumbling on about how the fastest setting on the scooter was still too slow. Adrenaline junkie.”

Brooke tries to picture what Vanessa’s grandma would look like, speeding a little too fast on her scooter. “Somehow, she sounds like you when you’ll be older.”

Vanessa snorts. “I can’t even argue that. We basically the same.”

“You’re ridiculous, and I love it.” Brooke rests her chin on her hands as she glances across the table over towards Vanessa, still shoveling down her pasta. “God, why haven’t we ever talked before?”

“Maybe ‘cause we’re in completely different departments?” Vanessa raises an eyebrow, her lips curling up. “And tell me you’d still give me the time of day if I hadn’t barged into your office one day and roped you into this little scheme of mine.”

“Hey, I would have!” Brooke’s indignant, because she so would. She’s not that closed off. “I think.”

She thinks.

“So me striking up conversation in the Starbucks line about my wheelie-loving abuela would have gone over well?” Vanessa lets out a laugh, and Brooke can’t help it either, at the mental image of Vanessa tapping her shoulder to do so.

“To be fair, that’s not a scenario that’s ever really crossed my mind before. Do you often bother people about your grandma?”

Vanessa doesn’t miss a beat. “Only the ones who get as delighted about it as you do.” She leans back in her seat, putting her fork down. “That being said? I’m glad we talking now, ‘cause you’re more fun than you seem.”

Brooke scoffs. “I’m plenty fun, thank you very much.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your last Venmo transaction?”

Brooke wrinkles her nose. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Venmo transactions tell a shit ton about a person. Now c’mon, open up that shiny phone.” Vanessa’s fingertips tap on the table, and Brooke lets out a huff, but does so.

Hopefully it’s something cool. Fun. Exciting. Not something boring like-

“A cat tree? Your last transaction was for a cat tree?” Vanessa’s trying not to laugh, Brooke can tell, and she has to hold back a groan.

”It was a really cool cat tree! It had multiple levels and all these little hiding spots that Henry and Apollo will love and-” Brooke cuts herself off, dropping her head in her hands. “Ugh. Cat trees can be fun.”

Vanessa reaches out to pat Brooke’s shoulder, her eyes still sparkling. “I believe you, mama.”

“No you don’t.” Brooke’s voice comes out muffled, and sure, she’s acting like a ten year old, but she can’t help it.

“I sure don’t. So guess for our next fake date you gonna introduce me to those pussycats of yours, hmm? We gonna be spending some time together.” Vanessa pauses, her lips pursed together as to keep herself from cracking up. “Not your actual pussy, remember, we fake dating, not real dating, jesus-”

“Oh, shut up.” Brooke reaches out to shove Vanessa’s shoulder, her hand nearly landing on the table when Vanessa dodges it. “Just for that, no meeting the cats for you.”

“Mean.” Vanessa sticks her tongue out at her and Brooke snorts.

But now that Vanessa’s said it, she’s coming around to the idea. It would be kinda nice to hang out more with Vanessa, even if the purpose is to post things on social media to fool her friends into thinking that they’re dating. Because it would be fun - her and Vanessa clearly get along great, and, well-

Having another friend wouldn’t be so bad.

“Tell you what. You can come over and meet the cats, but I pick the show we watch.”

Vanessa grins at her suggestion. “Tryna Netflix and chill me already?”

Brooke rolls her eyes. “You’re relentless.”

“And yet, you enjoy it.” Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows as she takes a sip of her drink. “Fancy that.”

It’s true. Vanessa is hysterical, fun to talk to. Sure, a little ridiculous at times, but it’s what Brooke needs - someone to balance her out a little.

“Honestly? Somehow, I kinda do.”

“You went on a date.”

“Yep.”

“You, Brooke Lynn Hytes, went on a date.”

“You bet.”

“You went on a date?”

“Is that really so hard to believe, Nina?”

Nina takes a big sip of her wine, as if she needs it to get through the conversation. Brooke can’t blame her for it.

“I’ve known you for seven years and not once have you been on a date.” Nina’s pointing a finger at her, and she shrugs.

“What’s wrong with being picky?”

“It’s not being picky if you absolutely refuse everyone. Except, it seems, for this new girl.” Nina’s already leaning forward, resting her head on her hands with a grin on her face. “So, you need to tell me absolutely everything about her because this is the best day of my entire life.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow. “More than the day when Ben proposed to you?”

Nina pauses. “Well, maybe. Actually, I think those two would be on the same level.” She shrugs when she sees Brooke’s skeptical expression. “C’mon, this literally never happens. It’s exciting. Now tell me about her.”

“She’s in HR, we struck up a conversation and she asked me out on a date and I said yes?” So what if Brooke’s explanation ends in a question?

“You said yes.”

“Yeah? How else would we have gone on a date?”

“But you never say yes.” Nina’s brow is furrowed as if she’s trying to solve the world’s biggest math problem, and it almost makes Brooke laugh.

“I did this time.” Brooke shrugs, taking a sip of her wine to avoid eye contact with Nina.

“But why? Why this time?”

Brooke pauses, because she can’t give Nina the real answer. That they’re doing this for shits and giggles and so that Brooke won’t have to deal with people trying to set her up.

So, she goes another route.

“I dunno. She’s funny, I like her. She made me laugh more in that first conversation with her than I’ve laughed with anyone else. So, maybe I just want a bit more laughter in my life.”

It’s true, when Brooke thinks about it. Fake dating or not, Vanessa is fun. Someone who is genuinely delightful, genuinely fun to spend time with. Their date hadn’t even been a real one but it’s probably the best one Brooke’s had, maybe ever, solely because of how much she’d enjoyed herself. How much fun Vanessa is to be around.

Brooke’s going to try and stay her friend, once they’re done this nonsense. To still hang out with Vanessa and be her friend ( are they friends?) because she’s someone that doesn’t drain or tire Brooke out, despite her exuberance.

Nina’s eating it up, from the way that her eyes are wide, how her lips are forming a soft pout. “That’s so fucking cute, you absolute sap.”

“That wasn’t sappy in the least and you know it.”

Nina waves a hand. “Whatever. From you, it’s practically a declaration of love. Anyway, can’t wait to be your maid of honour at the wedding.”

“Don’t you start.”

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #fake dating #lesbian au #drawing new lines #holtzmanns

6 notes · View notes

notagoodideatodothat · 5 years

Text

Why Veronica Mars broke my heart.

Ok let’s start this. Everything I’m going to write is my opinion, how I felt and my views on season 4. And it’s the first time I’m writing anything that I want to make “public”, but I’m honestly doing it for myself more than anything.

To start with logic, let’s talk about the story of season 4. Some part of the mystery was not too bad, but to be honest it was quite messy. I think it was a bit much for an 8-episodes season and I don’t really think the thing about the Mexican cartel was necessary, and let’s be real, I felt it was a bit racist, but I won’t say more about it because I’m not Mexican/Latina nor American and I don’t feel it’s my place to say anything about it. The bombing of Neptune during spring break could have been brilliant, and the idea of it being link with the debate in town was a great reminder that Neptune was a place with no middle class, which is also the root of the show. But the going back and forth about who the suspects are and the motivation behind all that just confused the hell out of me. I think this is the first issue in the writing of the new season.

The second issue I see in the writing is how Veronica was portrayed. It’s like they forgot who she was, everything she went through and survived. I felt that her relation with Keith is still strong but a bit off; it felt like Veronica was still a teenager. Let’s not mention how she is ignoring and judging Wallace for having a family and a house and showing it as something boring; and the big mess with Weevil. But let’s take a quick second to thank Tina for not getting into this mess. Her friends were so important to her, and that’s also why we loved her. Also her rejecting and making fun of Logan for going to therapy and encouraging her to do the same, like isn’t she suppose to have a degree in Psychology? I couldn’t read the books completely because season 4 came before I could finish them, and I’m not really in the mood for anymore VM right now, but in the movie she was so different than how she was in the new season. The other issue I have, like many fans, is with the alcohol and drug use. Everybody can do whatever they want of course, and even more if everything is legal, but this is so out of character. She was raped because of alcohol and drug. Her mom was an alcoholic and she saw it destroy her family. And this is just in season one. The only time we saw Veronica drinking was in the movie and it was one drink and a beer. If you just really think for a minute you can see the issue. I’ve love this character for a good portion of my life, and I couldn’t recognize her. And I know they wanted to make things more adult, but you can do that without completely destroying everything who’ve built before. Also she has been a PI for so long now, in what world, would she not check her car? There is just no logic to that and you can’t tell me otherwise. Her relationship with Logan had issues too. Like I said the thing about therapy is problematic. But the whole angry sex scene was so wrong. He’s actively trying to get better, to heal his anger, and the only thing she wants is old Logan, when in the previous seasons, particularly in the third, she was so judgmental of everything he was and did. This is just messy writing, and a lack of consistency. And every problems or fights they had just disappeared and they just didn’t really talk about it. If you want to make Veronica more adult, let’s start with her acting like an adult in a stable relationship, which she was suppose to be at the beginning of the new season. It’s not like we decided that it was who she was, you put her in that place. Also telling us that Veronica is more interesting when traumatised, telling that no matter what you do you won’t ever be able to access happiness, that a married woman is not as sexy or interesting; I can go on and on and on. We are in 2019, your show used to be something people brought up when talking about woman on TV, about feminism, and you absolutely destroy that. You just showed us that you know nothing about feminism and what women go through. And the fact that you protagonist is a woman doesn’t change anything about that. A woman doesn’t have to be a survivor of sexual assault to be strong; a woman doesn’t have to be single to be independent; a woman doesn’t have to have multiple sexual partners to be sexy.

But you know what, as a fan of the show for 15years, I was bothered by all that maybe I could have accept it as just flaws, without it completely ruining the new season for me, and hoping they’ll improve her character in a potential season 5. And honestly I thought I was going to rewatched it over and over so I was not really focused on the problems, but on the fact that I was watching new episodes of Veronica Mars, which is something I didn’t think was possible. But they had to kill Logan with no respect, the best character of the whole show, no matter what people say. He went from a proper jackass, a bully, and a victim of abuse, to an adult in the process of healing, with a career no one expected. And also, he was not just part of the relationship with Veronica; he was also a character that we loved on his own. Of course he was an awful person at the beginning of the show, but first he wasn’t the only one (let’s not forget Duncan please thank you and Leo who sold the tapes of Lily and Aaron, which apparently everyone in the writers room forgot) and I’m never going to ignore that, but you can’t deny the changes he made, and his real motivation to get better and this is not something you can say about Veronica in season 4. You know what I need as a victim of traumatic event? To Heal. I’m getting there, it is hard work and this how Veronica should be in season 4, but who was in that place? Logan. But you decided that it was not enough.

I don’t know what happen behind the scene, and I’m not going to speculate about that, but Jason did such a good job portraying Logan, from the start to the end. And his death was unfair, to Jason first, and to the fans. And what was even more unfair, is the lack of closure and grief that was giving to us. We just saw a character that we loved for 15 years blow up after a wedding that we weren’t sure we were going to have and nothing. Of course, I think you can kill major character in show, if the motivations are good, and the death is going to improve the story and/or a character but you have to do it properly. Because otherwise you’re not doing it for the good reasons. I can give you examples of shows that killed major character and did it properly : How to get away with Murder killed one of the main character and we had a whole season dedicated to that death and Laurel’s grief ; Peaky Blinder, and it was quite violent yet still acceptable, proof that you can have a violent end and still do it respectably ; Desperate Housewives killed one of the most important character in one of the last episodes of the show, a fan favourite but we had some time of grief, with a funeral and how every other character had to deal with this death ; Downton Abbey killed not one but two major character in one season ; Grey’s Anatomy is known for killing major character but every time we had closure and grief for us and from the characters ; and to go on the SF side, Game of Thrones did it better than Veronica Mars, which wants to make me laugh. And Glee, for which the death was real, was able to respect their fans, actors, crew and everyone who was devastated by the passing of Cory Monteith.

I completely support that the creators and the writers are free to do what they want with what they created. I honestly believe that if Logan had to die for the show to keep going; I don’t agree but it was Rob freedom to do so. But there were a million better ways to do it without being disrespectful to the actor, the character and the fans. Because yes, a show without an audience, and without fans is nothing. That is why brilliant TV shows get cancelled and mediocre show can go on for ten years. A vocal fandom and audience is what’s keeping a show alive. And when you look at the facts, the Veronica Mars fandom is what made everything possible. Without us, Veronica Mars would have disappeared in the world of cancelled show with good potential but that didn’t have a lot of success. I couldn’t give to the Kickstarter campaign, because I didn’t have a bank account at that time but I bought the complete collection of Veronica Mars when I was a broke student, and I can tell you 45€ is a lot of money, I bought my Team Logan t-shirt, I bought the books, I put my money in it because I wanted to show I was supporting Veronica Mars, and I wanted more. As soon as I heard on Kristen’s Instagram that it was coming back, I was absolutely ecstatic. I followed every account on every platform I was on. I commented on Instagram to express how happy and grateful I was and this is something I never do. I couldn’t stop talking about it to my friends, even though they don’t really watch it. The week before the surprise release I was non-stop on Veronica Mars. I haven’t been excited about anything for a long, long time. And it was destroyed in 10 minutes.

And as you know we can fight to have our show back, but we can also do everything we can to make sure that Hulu and Rob, and everyone involve know how we feel. And ignoring us on social media won’t stop us from expressing our thoughts and feelings. And for the first time you can see fans fighting to end the show we’ve been supporting for so long. After season 4, I can assure you that I’d rather give the movie and the books back so my favourite show would not be ruined for me. And if Rob thinks that the mystery is why we were all watching, he is so wrong. Being a PI is part of Veronica’s character, not everything about her. Her relations and the other characters are what we loved about the show. The mystery part of it was nice sometime, and could be well written, especially in season 1, but this was not the heart of the show, no matter what Rob is saying. He says he wants to make a show 100% about mystery and a detective. My mom loves police shows; she watches everything, Murder she Wrote, every fucking CSI, Criminal Mind, Cold Case, really shitty French Show,...and I can assure you she still watches for the characters. Because no matter the story you’re telling, the characters are the heart of it.

The first feeling I had after spending a whole night watching the new season was real sadness. I think I cry for over an hour. I was truly heartbroken. I’m not in a really good place emotionally at the moment and I was so looking forward to this, I cannot even begin to explain what it did to me. The next week I almost didn’t sleep, and I was a real mess. I had some family that was visiting and all I could think about was a fucking TV show. But when the interviews and videos started to come out, I was absolutely pissed. It felt like a betrayal. Telling us this is what we need, saying Logan was a sacrificial lamb, saying Veronica is in that place now, that they’ll be no grieving. We are adult now; we are not children throwing a stupid tantrum. And presenting us as angry fan girl, who are just pissed because our ship is over is so fucking sexist. And even if we are pissed about that, which I also am, what is the problem? We can love a relation and the character, and still be a “good fan”. Also can we talk about how you used Logan and LoVe in the promo, the trailer, all the social media, to make sure the fans who love LoVe where going to watch. This is manipulating your audience, and from the bottom of my heart, fuck you.

I use to associate Veronica Mars with something positive, a safe space, where my problems were not real, now it’s a lot of pain, regret, rage. The only good thing about all that is the community, you know the fans that you don’t care about anymore. People from all over the world; supporting each other, checking on each other, loving each other. You honestly had one of the best Fan Base behind you Rob, and you just gave us the biggest fuck off of all time. You say you made a bet, and that you hope the fan won’t hate you for it. I can tell you, even if you have a season 5, you still lost.

Because you lost us; and our support.

It’s been a month, and I’m only able to finish writing that now, and it still feels really fresh. I’m still devastated, and angry, and betrayed and so many emotion that I never thought I would associate with Veronica Mars; yet here we are.

And to Rob, and Hulu, of anyone that worked on this, please no more, no season 5, no more social media post. You didn’t give us grieving, so please now leave us alone.

I’m sure it was not really well written, and that I forgot a shit ton of stuff but this is what I think and feel, and if anyone read this, I hope this will maybe give comfort, like reading everyone else’s opinions helped me a bit. Like I said to a dear writer that I love, like always we will get through this together.

@hulu @officialveronicamarsonhulu

#veronicamars #veronica mars season 4 #logan echolls #logan echolls deserved better #jason dohring #vmars revival #burntmarshmallow #weusedtobefans

49 notes · View notes

ahumansvoid · 4 years

Text

Misc WIP Folder

So I’m going through my WIPs folder’s subfolders.

One is labelled Misc, so that’s the one I’m going through now. Everything will be below the cut because this will probably be a long post, there are sixteen files in this folder.

Most of them are from different fandoms, so I’ll put what fandom it’s in + what title I have for it in my folder in bold before I talk about it. I’ll be going from oldest to newest. Technically not because I can’t sort Google docs like that, but rather “last modified by me” so, longest abandoned to newly abandoned I guess?

Also Spoilers for any of the fandoms, maybe? Probably.

If you have any questions about any of the fandoms, message me or send me an ask. I’m open to talking about any and all of them.

Fandoms Involved (Ordered by appearance):

Murdered: Soul Suspect (Video Game)

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia (TV Show)

Gravity Falls (TV Show)

Until Dawn (Video Game)

Avatar: The Last Airbender (TV Show)

The Mummy (2017) & (1999) (Movies)

Assassination Classroom (TV Show/Anime)

Red vs. Blue (Online Show- Rooster Teeth)

Camp Camp (Online Show - Rooster Teeth)

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (TV Show)

Devil May Cry (Video Game + Anime)

Aladdin (2019) (Movie)

Castlevania (TV Show)

Murdered: Soul Suspect - MSS

So there isn’t much in this one, just a bullet pointed outline. Murdered Soul Suspect is a video game, if you don’t know it and are curious you can google it or message me.

Anywho. This is just a little part I thought was funny.

It’s essentially a Ronan survives AU of the game, pretty standard and I thought it would be fun. Honestly this part about Ronan and his cracked spine just reminded me of Obi-wan and how I write him in ignoring his injuries (and how most people write him) so it made me laugh a bit.

There’s really not much here, I didn’t even finish the outline.

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia - trollhunters au

I am very creative with my titles. Clearly. This is another bullet point outline. but this one is longer and irrc I actually started writing this, and that file would also be in this folder so if I did write it’ll also be featured on this post.

This is an au where Claire is the trollhunter rather than Jim.

The top bit is literally just for context on the next star point. Anywho Writing AAARRRGGGHH/ seeing it spelled out is funny to me. Also I’m pretty sure I rewatched bits with AAARRRGGGHH with subtitles on to see how it was spelt and then replicated that.

The second star point is funny to me because I describe annoyance/anger (rightful, both of them) as pissy. And that’s funny.

There’s more but if I’m write and I wrote it out, then that’ll be featured later.

Gravity Falls - Gravity Falls

... Okay I’m not creative with titles until I have to be. Once more, bullet point outline. So this is an after-canon AU where Bill left a remanent of himself in Dipper and it’s become apparent when they’re in Piedmont.

I just like the rules I had Dipper give Bill. I thought they were neat. Also, I like Mabel convincing Dipper to let Bill live because he’s pathetic. This is a demon who has tormented them for an entire summer, but nows he’s pathetic so lets help him.

Not much of interest in this. I probably didn’t write it because it’d be a long and day-in-the-life type fic. It’d just be Dipper and Bill coexisting and going through life and IDK how well I’d of written that. So I didn’t write it.

Until Dawn- Until DAwn AU

FYI I’m keeping the titles case-sensitive. Another bullet outline. So this is a Josh survives/exorcised AU, also an Everybody Live AU. I’m pretty sure I wrote this when I was heavily invested in Until Dawn and Josh (because I like him.) And I was reading Until Dawn fanfic in which Josh is blamed for what happened on the mountain. And I think I was getting pissy which lead to this:

So in this AU the Until Dawn Group splintered into Sam, Josh & Chris, and Mike, Emily, Jess, Matt & Ashley. So this conversation/fight is between Chris and the second group. So Chris is the 1st,3rd and 5th talking bullet point. I don’t know who’s talking in the 2nd &4th bullet point but it’s one of the second group. Probably Emily, Mike or Jess maybe. Not Ashley.

Im 90% sure that I wrote out this entire outline just for this little interaction.

It just tickles my id. I still kind of like it, but I honestly don’t know what else I’d write for this AU.

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Zuko is the avatar

Title is self-explanatory. Also, I really like bullet outlines. So. Anywho.

Aang is still a 12 year old in this, he used up all his “avatar energy” (that’s literally what I wrote) to keep himself alive so he’s just an airbender now.

I just love Iroh. And this is just funny to me.

If I ever wrote this, it’d be a lot of hijinks of Katara and Aaang (and eventually Toph) covering for Zuko whenever he bends anything other than fire. More cracky than serious.

“The Mummy (2017)” and “The Mummy (1999)” - Mummy x Mummy

I watched the 2017 version of the mummy (got it from the library for 2 bucks) and since there are some throwbacks to the 1999 movie I decided to try to combine them. This also became an AU where Evie and Rick save Imhotep in Mummy 2, and due to Evie being revived meant she was functionally immortal (doesn’t age, but can still be killed). And due to everything, by the Mummy 2017 rolls around it’s just her and Imhotep hanging around, investigating ancient egypt and whatnot.

Honestly this is just part of the outline. None of this is really amusing to me, just, if I ever tried to write it, a lot of work. Although, the fact that I can’t remember the blonde lady friend from the Mummy 2017 is kind of amusing and I literally call her ‘BLF’ throughout this entire outline. I think her name was Lisa. Or Sara.

i’ll google it.

Assassination Classroom - AC AU

At this point, I might as well tell you when it isn’t a bullet outline than saying when it is.

This was really just a Reaper/Koro-sensei raises Nagisa rather than his mom.

People panicking around children is amusing to me. Again, long AU. And this was probably an excuse to write some baby assassin Nagisa and whatnot. Honestly whenever I read this I do remember more details on this, that I have never written down.

Murdered: Soul Suspect - Murdered: Soul Suspect

...

Okay I think this is just a repeat of the one I posted earlier???

I- I don’t know what this was? Like this is newer than the other one?

?????

Uh, brain weirdness?

Let’s move on.

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia - TRollhunters

Ok! So this is the written out of the bullet point earlier. I did not write out much. But I’ll talk about it a bit more? So this AU is also a Bular survives and Jim finds him and helps AU.

This is literally all I have written. So, right after this, Jim would find an injured Bular and helps him. There isn’t much to add, but I will add what I had written as Barbara’s reaction from the outline:

Large AU, but it would be fun to write. I would most likely end up writing Claire’s journey of Trollhunting along with Jim’s adventures with Bular.

Red vs Blue - Meta, no, that wasn’t, he wasn’t

Okay, that’s not the full title but also the full title is literally the first sentence. Which is a long one so you get part of it. This is actually a written au, it’s about Agent Maine/ The Meta surviving and meeting up with Siris. This is just the first couple paragraphs:

Nothing I read was particularly funny to me, so just the first two paragraphs. Essentially what would’ve happened is Siris would help Maine find Washington (on Chorus) go to Chorus. Find Felix and Locus. Drama Ensues.

I might actually write this. Maybe. There’s potential, if the drive hits me.

I havent watched RvB in a couple of years, but I did like the series. It was interesting.

Camp Camp- Camp Camp

Y’know since this is ‘misc’ I get just having fandom names. Lot easier to identifiy.

So, this file is currently loading still, but I remember this. It wasn’t that long ago. This wasn’t so much a fic as a comic I would of like to have done. I definitely would’ve needed to brush up on my art skills (I am mediocre at best) but it’s just a small little comic I would’ve done on Camp Camp.

First little bit. I actually wrote out most of this rather than just bullet pointing it.

There is a little bit I’d have to polish up, but I could probably post this entire thing. But I kind of want to actually do the comic first. But boy that’s a lot of work.

I love how most of the reason I’m not writing these is that they’re a lot of work.

Dirk Gently��s Holistic Detective Agency (TV Show) - Project Cheron

This is an AU where Priest is one of the projects of Blackwing. Specifically Cheron and I think my reasoning is that he makes people go where they need to be. IDK. I actually wrote a couple of these. But this one is essentially Priest getting a bunch of projects together to help something. Idk.

This entire thing is weird and would probably be labelled crack if I ever finished it.

Okay. This entire scene is funny to me. Just, this girl rushing out in front of the car waving happily with a decapitated head in her hand. I like it. So, Aine and Herodias are OCs. Both are projects Priest is collecting.

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (TV Show) - “Dirk

Another Priest is a Blackwing Project AU but that’s not really the focus of this story. This story is about a project (Project Carman- OC) who can trap people in their certain significant memories of her choosing. Carman gets annoyed at Bart, Dirk and the Rowdy 3 so she traps them in memories signifcant to their stay in Blackwing and Priest.

I’ve only written 2 of the six memories, so that’d be fun to complete. These are also just sad. They’re not happy memories. So, random moment that’s somewhat amusing:

Also, title is the first sentence in the fic.

Devil May Cry - “Should I

I- why did I decide to do this from oldest to newest? Part of me is embarrassed, the other part is reminding me I have no reason to be? It’s a video game fic. But also this is a game of my childhood. It’s about Nero looking for his dad and finding Dante instead. Canonically Dante’s twin brother, Vergil, is Nero’s dad.

Just a random moment because I didn’t write that much of it. Also I thought it was kind of cute. Patty shows up in the Devil May Cry anime. Which I watched before I played the games.

Aladdin (2019) - Aladdin AU

A mix of bullet outline and written. I don’t actually have much of this AU, but essentially before Aladdin wishes to become a prince, he notices some mercenaries kidnapping a little girl and decides to rescue her.

This girl is the princess of Shiroba, Aladdin takes her back to Shiroba. The Queen/ Sultana appreciates Aladdin going out of his way to help her so she invites him to stay in the palace.

Eventually word gets to Shiroba that Agrabah is planning to attack so Aladdin and the two twin princes of Shiroba (that I made up, OCs) make a plan to infiltrate and see what they’re planning. They’re not planing espionage, but as Shiroba is a peaceful nation, they want to see if they should start evacuating people and whatnot.

So you get the Prince Ali stuff with the Genie and yada yada.

I have none of that written. I just know that’s what I intended to do with it.

So, first little bit. Long AU that would take a lot of work. Also, I know this isn’t super popular but I liked the 2019 version of Aladdin. I really like the changes they made.

Castlevania (TV Show) - Waking up in Jail wasn’t a new experience

Again, title is first sentence. Not writing that out. Anywho, this is a kind of complete canon AU to Castlevania. Essentially we haven’t reached Lisa getting burnt at the stake yet. So, loving Dracula fam. Trevor and Sypha meet earlier due to circumstance. Alucard gets attacked by something and gets rescued by Trevor and Sypha. They travel together for a while. And then Sypha and Trevor get to meet Alucard’s parents.

That’s where this AU will go if I ever write it. To be fair, last time I wrote in this file was March, so I guess that’s technically possible. Don’t hold out hope.

First couple of paragraphs.

Also, that’s it! Misc WIP folder done!

Oh, if you’ve made it this far, a)thank you and b) if you want to continue/write any of these, go ahead, but tag me or send me a link. I will be very happy to see/read what you create if you like any of this in an inspo way.

Also. This is long, so, IDK if Imma go through the other folders rn. Maybe tomorrow.

#a humans wip fic folder #a human yelling into the void #my writing #WIPs #Wip #Fanfiction #multiple fandoms #I'm not going to tag all of them.

6 notes · View notes

romancandlemagazine · 5 years

Text

An Interview with John Lurie

Whilst most humanoids struggle to master even one useful skill in life, John Lurie is one of those adept rapscallions who can seemingly turn their hand to pretty much anything — from acting to angling.

This knack has led to a fairly stacked C.V. which involves such notable achievements as forming a rule-flouting jazz band called The Lounge Lizards, appearing in films like Down by Law, Paris, Texas and Wild at Heart and showing his paintings in exhibitions all over the planet.

And if all that wasn’t enough, he’s also hosted his own fishing show, and, with the help of Dennis Hopper, once came particularly close to snagging the elusive giant squid.

Here’s what he had to say about fishing, New York in the '70s and the importance of humour in the world...

First question… your television programme Fishing with John is mint. How did that come about?

I was threatening to do it for a long time, but wasn’t really serious. I would go fishing with Willem and we would video tape it. I flew out one New Year’s Eve to play with Tom Waits and the next day we went and fished with Stephen Torton video taping it.

This woman, Debra Brown, saw the tapes, home movies actually, and brought them to a Japanese company that was looking to get involved in things in New York.

She came back to me and said they wanted to make a pilot. I believe my response was, "Are you kidding?"

When you watch a film or television program, you only see the end result. What was it like filming that thing? Were there any mad struggles?

If you see something good, you can just assume there were mad struggles. If you see something bad, you can assume that people were too lazy to take on the mad struggles.

If I am flicking through the channels looking for a movie, I can tell you in five seconds if a movie is going to be any good by the sound of the door closing or the light or the music or whatever.

Why do you think people love fishing so much?

First off, so we can go to these beautiful places and pretend to be doing something. We wouldn’t go if there were nothing to do. And there is that visceral thing. A big fish on the line is like that exhilarating sports thing, like hitting a baseball perfectly or shooting a basket and the net just goes swish.

And then there is that thing of the world of mystery, right next to the world we are living in. What is in there? We are only going to be aware of what is there with a hook and a nylon string.

So of course we have to drag this amazing creature out of the water and kill it because human beings are pretty much ridiculous. The last bit is not why we love fishing, it’s just an observation.

I’d say it’s a pretty sharp observation. Did you ever face anger from the fishing community due to the lack of more conventional fishing?

Yes.

Why isn’t more television like Fishing with John? I hear we’re supposedly in the age of ‘peak TV’ or whatever, but why is there so much boring stuff out there?

The great thing about this, and a big shout out to Kenji Okabe from Telecom Japan, was they left me alone. I am fairly certain that the reason Breaking Bad was so great was because they left Vince Gilligan alone.

With most projects there are all these people meddling with what you do, to ruin it. The Gatekeepers. It is almost like there is a conspiracy to maintain mediocrity.

Going back a bit now, am I right in saying you’re from Minneapolis originally. What were you into as a child?

At first, dinosaurs and archeology. Then reptiles, particularly snakes after we moved to New Orleans. I was going to open my own snake farm. Then I was pretty sure one day, I would play center field for the Yankees.

An attainable dream. You moved to New York in the late 70s, and not long after, you started The Lounge Lizards. It seems like New York at that time is glamourized a bit now, but what was it like for you? What food did you eat? Where did you go at night? What streets were good to walk down? What did it smell like?

I was trying to remember the food I ate back then and couldn’t remember. I was pretty broke most of the time. They used to serve hors d’oevres at gallery openings and cheese became a large part of my regular diet.

Almost every night, or maybe not even “almost” — more like every night — we went to the Mudd Club. More than what streets were “good” to walk down, I can tell you which streets were bad to go down. I lived on East Third St across from the Men’s Shelter, so my block smelled of rotting garbage and urine.

What are some bits that people don’t talk about from that time? What sucked about back then?

It went fairly quickly from people having more relentless fun than any period in human history to a fairly grim time, a year or two later. There was the beginning of AIDs. I had many friends who were dying or horrifyingly sick. People were getting strung out. There were many deaths. Car accidents. People fell out of windows.

Also, with the artistic promise that was there, the output is disappointing. I suppose the wildness led to a lack of discipline and the work wasn’t nearly as good as it should have been.

I might be wrong, but it seems like at that time people just did what they felt like doing… people made films, music or anything else, with no regard for budget. I suppose for example, you made a film called Men in Orbit in your apartment for $500. Where did this freedom come from?

The freedom came from a ferocious demand to have that freedom at any cost. But it is odd or sad, because the more talented of those people seem to have gone unknown and the people who are now household names are, mostly, the ones who played the game by the rules from the beginning.

Do you think people nowadays get too hung up on money? Or perhaps too hung up on success?

I think people nowadays for the most part are quite lost and afraid. So they do whatever they think they must do to have a successful career, even if it means that they are making shit — and it usually does mean they are making shit.

The Lounge Lizard’s album, Voice of Chunk is an amazing record. What sort of stuff were you listening to when you made that? And who is Bob the Bob?

The listening came from earlier in my life. Evan and I would devour everything. From Stravinsky to Monk to Little Walter to Coltrane to Tibetan music to Ellington to Dolphy to Pigmy music (you get the idea).

Later, when working on my own stuff, I stopped listening to pretty much everything. Though when I was in Morocco doing Last Temptation, I played a lot with Gnawa musicians that shifted me a bit. And around that time Evan discovered Piazzolla.

Bob the Bob is Kazu from Blonde Redhead. That is her mouth on the cover of the record. I still call her Bob.

You’re a prolific painter. Are there certain things that you notice recurring in your paintings?

I live on a small Caribbean island. There are flowers everywhere. I don’t like to think that they influence what I paint but they do. Fucking flowers.

A lot of people paint when they’re young, then stop. Why do you think that is? How come you didn’t stop?

The best paintings I have seen in the last 30 years or so are the ones taped to refrigerators. I don’t know why people stop painting or when they don't stop, why the painting gets so stiff.

I am sure my mother, who painted herself and taught art in Liverpool where the Beatles went, but not at the same time, had something to do with me keeping a freedom in my work. To not be afraid of that childlike dream thing.

Though it has been suggested that it may be time for me to get in touch with my “inner adult.”

How do you know when a painting is finished?

I ask Nesrin. If she says it is finished, I know it isn’t.

You seem like a pretty funny guy. Do you think humour is sometimes underrated? Do people take stuff too seriously sometime?

I think humor is immensely important. I think humor can shift society’s consciousness in a better way than almost anything else. So from Shakespeare to Mark Twain to Lenny Bruce to Richard Pryor and many more - these people shifted things for the better.

Do you know who was president when Mark Twain was at his peak? Benjamin Harrison. Who the fuck was Benjamin Harrison?

What are your thoughts on the internet? It seems like it’s a big thing these days.

I get so disappointed with people because I feel like social media could be an enormously positive thing for the world. And I certainly don’t mean to exclude humor, just I have heard enough fart jokes for one lifetime…

Something that bothers me quite a bit, is a star athlete gets hurt and then the response on places like twitter is close to joy. What kind of bitterness about your own life would make you behave like that?

You’ve just recently released a new Marvin Pontiac album after 17 years. This one is called The Asylum Tapes, and was reportedly made on a four track recorder in a mental institution. Back story aside, what made you want to make an album again?

I have Advanced Lyme, so I was unable to play anything for a long time. Actually because of what was happening to me neurologically, I couldn’t even hear music for the first few years — it was more like fingernails on a blackboard.

As I slowly got better, I was able to play guitar and harmonica again, though playing saxophone would seem to be done for me in this life.

But I am very proud of this album and hope people get a chance to hear it. I made it to cheer people up.

Are people still confused about who Marvin Pontiac is?

I suppose so. He is a character I created to make this music. I suppose that is bad marketing, but fuck it.

Would the album be different if it was a John Lurie album? Do you feel like you can get away with more stuff as Marvin Pontiac? Or maybe what I mean is, is it easier to say some things as Marvin Pontiac?

Yes, absolutely. Marvin gives me a certain freedom. I doubt I would put out a record where I sing about a bear saying, “Smell my sandwich.” But I’m happy that I get a chance to do that.

The lyrics are pretty straight up and direct. Do you sit and stew on songs and ideas for long, or do you just get it out?

Often they just come straight up. Like 'My Bear To Cross' I pretty much just came up with it live in the studio. Some took quite a while. And there are a couple where I never found the right lyrics to finish off a song and put them aside.

Okay, last question… do you think a lot of stuff is too over-thought and over-prepared? Does thinking sometimes get in the way?

Let me think about that.

#John Lurie #Lounge Lizards #New York #Jazz #Interviews

3 notes · View notes

forestwater87 · 5 years

Text

A moment to chat about “The Butterfinger Effect” (obv spoilers for S4e17)

Wow, so a lot of people fucking haaaaaated this episode. And since I’m addicted to That Discourse, I had to say something because I think they’re super wrong. (And this isn’t me just being a total Camp Camp fangirl here; like, the pee episode was bad. That was bad tv and bad for all the senses. There have been mediocre and even shitty episodes of this show; this just wasn’t one of them.)

There are a couple different points of criticism aimed at this episode, and while there’s one I’d like to take a deep dive into in particular I might as well take some shots at the others real fast:

The moral was too obvious: god, you guys whine all day and night that you wanna see Max show character growth and whenever he displays it you hate how it’s done. This show has never been one for subtlety. I mean, the climate change ep? This is how the show works; it’s part of its twisted-Saturday-morning-cartoons charm, it’s the most efficient way to get a point across in a short runtime, and it was the set up for the joke at the end of the episode.

It didn’t advance the plot: bitch what plot are you talking about???

Not enough dad//vid: listen I’ve made my thoughts about the fandom’s idea of dad//vid incredibly clear at this point, so let’s just:

The most common argument, though, is that it’s all so very “unrealistic” and “out of character.”

Considering the show’s concept of “realistic” involves squirrel armies (hey, another mediocre episode! See, I can call them when I see them) and a universe-destroying space octopus, I’m not sure how to rebut that without another Bianca del Rio gif. So, the out-of-character accusation.

Listen, characterization is hard as balls. Everyone fucks it up sometimes, and not every characterization in every episode is gonna work for you.

But you know who nailed it this time? Eddy Goddamn Rivas, the writer for this episode, that’s who.

In fact, I’d argue that the entire point of the episode is that it’s not Space/Race Kid’s new interest that caused the majority of the changes, or some sort of mystical “butterfly/finger effect,” but Nurf’s attempt to put things back to “normal.” He caused the thing he was trying to prevent -- which happens to dovetail perfectly with the moral of accepting change and not letting it freak you out.

This episode is brilliant, and plays with the canon characterizations of all our campers while staying true to them, and I’m gonna show you how.

Under a cut, because not everyone has time for that shit. But first, a juicy preview of the sexy discourse to come:

Space Kid

This one is the easiest to defend, because Space Kid is just . . . Race Kid. Aside from maybe having an idea that he’s cooler than he used to believe he was -- which makes sense, because why do people buy fancy sports cars except that they think it makes them look cool? -- we’ve seen his tendency to latch onto an interest and go 110%.

Reasonable, hilarious, and adorable. I actually don’t think anyone has any problem with Race Kid, so this is a quickie.

As for why he dropped it so fast: I mean, hasn’t everyone gotten really into something before deciding it wasn’t as fun as an old hyperfixation? I’ve been coming back to the Camp Camp well since 2016 because it’s just so much fun.

Nurf

Nurf is the one I think people are sleeping on. All the time, always, but especially in this episode. The summary hints that Max is the one unable to handle the idea of change -- something this entire season has been working towards, and I literally just realized change has been a thematic thread throughout several of the episodes and that’s really cool -- but it’s actually Nurf who can’t stand the thought of things being different.

And, in trying to prevent the “butterfinger effect,” he sets it in motion. The irony is delicious, and his head in a fishbowl makes me laugh every goddamn time.

(Also, “A battle of wits is not my strong suit” was just hysterical. Nurf is full of great lines and y’all need to stop ignoring what a comedic goldmine this kid is.)

Preston

Oh, I’m sorry, are we shocked that Preston would jump at the chance to be admired by people, even if it means doing something he doesn’t particularly enjoy?

Were we all in comas during the episode this very season that was literally only about this exact thing?

As to why he’d pick football: he’s a theater kid addicted to the corniest, most cliche tropes. When he got a taste of power by bullying Nurf -- which was also totally in character, because honestly, Preston is not a very nice kid -- of course he went to the thing that in every 80s teen movie meant “cool bully who’s super popular”: the sports jock.

Add to that getting positive recognition from Campbell -- who we’ll get to -- and this swap is totally in-character, and entirely kicked off by the power rush he got from finally getting to be the one who bullies instead of being bullied.

Nurf created his own worst nightmare by being afraid of change. This episode is fucking brilliant.

Harrison

To nobody’s surprise, Harrison is a sadist who thinks he’s hot shit.

He’s emotionally traumatized Neil to win an argument, he’s made Max vomit up, just, like, so many things and shown zero remorse, and got an unflappable sense of self-worth that skates right off the edge into total egotism.

These are the things we love about him. (And yes, obviously his arrogance comes from a deep well of insecurity, but that only exacerbates why he’d absolutely refuse to help Nurf, because it gives him a chance to be better than someone.)

As for why he’d choose to model himself after goth!Max . . .

Honestly, this one doesn’t entirely make sense to me. He’s never shown any particular interest in Max. The only thing I can assume is that . . . well, actually Max was right, and at least in Harrison’s eyes, he is at the top of the social hierarchy. And he got there by giving zero fucks about what anyone thinks of him.

Which is what Harrison did, by refusing to help Nurf. We come full circle!

(WAIT: When Max asks why he’s acting like . . . you know, him, Harrison’s response is, “Why? It’s not making you insecure, is it?” While we could take this as “I’m coming for your shtick,” it could also imply that Max’s general Maxyness makes Harrison feel insecure about who he is. Which explains why, as soon as he’s offered a chance to emulate someone who makes him feel insecure, he chooses Max.)

Ered

Nerris and Ered have established themselves as friends, and she at least has expressed a token interest in playing DnD before. She’s listened to Nerris talk about this stuff enough to repeat it at times -- albeit incorrectly -- and so, when there’s “nothing better to do,” she tries something her friend is super into and finds it really fun and embraces it.

I can attest that DnD totally turns you into a massive, shameless nerd. It’s just that awesome.

Plus, she’s too cool to give a shit if people think she’s being nerdy, so of course she’s not embarrassed about being seen dressed like a Viking; in “Ered Loses Her Cool,” she had that moment of growth where she decided that her coolness comes from her happily choosing to be herself.

Also, she gets to carry an axe around. So like, extra cool points for that.

Nerris

Nerris is gonna grow up to be a band geek, and she’ll especially enjoy the theatricality of marching around in parades while dressed like a Christmas Nutcracker. It’s like being a real-life bard.

This is the only one that really has a “supernatural” level to its change, except maybe the counselors (yes, I’ve come around on Neil; I’ll defend him at the end). While everyone else can be explained by psychological and in-character reasons, I have no idea what caused her to suddenly have this whole getup. I’d chalk it down to her seeing everyone else trying something new and being interested in upping her LARPing game, except she explicitly says she doesn’t know where it came from.

It’s one of the few that doesn’t make perfect sense, but I don’t really mind it because it’s such a top-tier episode otherwise.

Dolph

This is another one with questionable backing in the rest of the canon. However, I think it works less on a characterization basis than on an archetypical one.

Hear me out: how many artists actually make it professionally? And how many of them end up falling back on something solid and lucrative and artistically unfulfilling to pay the bills? Some people are of course lucky enough to land their dream job, and others are lucky enough to find something close enough to that dream job to make money while still doing something creative and adjacent to their interests (becoming an art teacher, for example).

But in Hollywood, at least, the idea is that you’re either a professional artist who Makes It, a starving artist who’s sacrificing for their dream, or a total corporate sellout who abandons their soul for the sake of profit. A child, especially one with a father so unsupportive of his artistic interests, would only have the Hollywood idea of success to fall back on, which means if Dolph was tying to think of a way to “grow up” and stop wasting his time on being an artist, of course he’d jump straight into the most famously corrupt, artistically soulless type of job possible.

The problem here, of course, is that I don’t know what triggered it; like Nerris, I don’t really see a clear line from motivation to new hobby. However, it works really well at poking fun of the “artist to sellout” pipeline portrayed in popular media, so I certainly can’t be mad at it.

Also, look at these credit scores:

David’s score is either astoundingly good -- 825 out of 850 -- or astoundingly bad -- 325 out of 850 -- depending on what that first number is. Gwen’s credit is pretty bad, which isn’t surprising considering she’s working at Camp Campbell, but I’m still proud of her for being either the second- or third-highest person at the camp.

None of the campers should have credit, so these numbers are just goofy, but I’m as shocked by Nikki’s “exceptional” credit as I am by Nurf’s “literally not on the chart by 298 numbers” rating. Assuming Dolph made at least the campers’ scores up, and we know he’s pretty good friends with Nikki, I assume he gave her a higher score because he likes her, Max’s is trash because their relationship is rocky at best, and Nurf’s is just petty and spiteful because he bullies Dolph, and I just love it.

(I assume Mr. Campbell’s credit is in negative numbers, and QM doesn’t exist on any official records.)

Counselors & Campbell

Campbell, I’m going to argue, makes sense.

This? Not so much.

I have no idea what Gwen’s talking about -- “I need her showing. We all agreed to it”???? -- and literally none of this makes sense in any understanding of characterization or anything, but my counterpoint would be:

Look how cute Gwen looks dressed up like David.

“Mumble, grumble, aliens!” and something about Mormons in David’s cheery voice adds 5 years to my life.

David’s floof is now beard.

David is wearing plaid.

QM. Just . . . QM.

Did I mention that Gwen looks so fucking good here? I swoon. So hot. Babe. Step on me, mommy.

Anyway. Campbell.

He’s not what you’d call . . . nurturing, by any means, so at first this weird dad!swap is totally out of left field. However, he has proven himself to be . . . well, not a great caretaker, but someone who does put in the effort when he has to, and is surprisingly good at dealing with the kiddos when forced.

He’s also proven himself to be remarkably introspective, starting back in Season 3. He does to an extent feel bad about what he’s done, and to varying extents wants to make amends for it. So when he starts talking about legacy, and what a man leaves behind --

-- I can’t say I’d be all that surprised if he stumbled upon Preston trying to be “cool” with sports camp and decided (probably with the help of whatever supernatural strangeness came over the other counselors) that he wants to have a better impact on this camp than a bunch of broken-down equipment, a pile of debts, and a “son” who’s disappointed in him.

Listen, what I’m trying to say is that I will die defending my Trash Grandpa and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. There’s good in him!!!! I CAN SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!

On a less “Campbell is my dad” note, as a rather stereotypical Manly Man(TM), he’d be best served helping some weedy little brat become more traditionally masculine. i’m saying Campbell was great at football in high school and is in part reliving his glory days, okay?

Nikki

Oh, come on. Nikki’s always shown an interest in science, and particularly in the mayhem it causes. When Neil is out of commission, and she sees that everyone else is doing major hobby swaps -- including Ered, who I believe she still sees as her idol -- why wouldn’t she want to join in on the fun in the most destructive way possible?

The show didn’t say she was a good scientist, after all.

Neil

Remember when I said I couldn’t defend Neil? WELL SURPRISE BITCHES, TURNS OUT I CAN!

(I didn’t realize it until halfway through writing this post, to be fair.)

But think about it: the boy does not respond well to his mind being freaked. We have observed this.

This is not a good reaction to an unsolvable logical problem.

I’m just saying, there’s not a huge difference between these pictures. Neil doesn’t do well when his brain is overloaded with things he doesn’t understand, and everyone around him turning into different people -- which is how it must look from their perspective, even if I can sit here and explain it in ways that make sense at least to me -- broke the poor boy’s brain.

He’s a very fragile ecosystem, our little Neil. You must protect him from thinking too many thinks and getting overheated.

So . . . yeah. This episode is rad, way more of it makes sense in terms of the characters’ motivations than people are giving it credit for, and the ones that don’t make a ton of sense are at least funny and clever enough to be overlooked, at least in this broad’s humble opinion.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #cc spoilers #no one is gonna read this #i feel like i used to be a bnf at some point #(when there was no competition)#but then i started writing mediocre fics and running my mouth about shit and then people got tired of my bullshit #which you know? fair #but i gotta let it out because i have FEELINGS #and i don't have the outlet of being an english major and writing 20-page papers about my feeling anymore

24 notes · View notes