#they're also very coy about it

[softquietsteadylove]

Thena and Gil playfully arguing…in business style!

Tyrant King,

If you would find it suitable, I have had a meeting cancellation this afternoon.

Gil's brows raised as he read the email on his phone. It was nothing if not succinct--classic Ice Queen. She didn't even sign it. But he was surprised she had even attempted to invite him over today. She had stated she was busy all week. No time for them to 'meet'.

No time for them to fuck like wild animals in her office between meetings.

Why so formal, Ice? If you want me to come over, just say so ;)

Her response was prompt, which proved to him that she was anxiously awaiting his response, much to his delight. She could play coy as much as she liked, but she wasn't very good at that game. In all fairness, nor was he.

I have a tight schedule today, Tyrant. I am offering my time, not begging you for your company. You may disregard my previous email if you are otherwise engaged.

Ice cold, his Princess was. But Gil grinned, happily responding, still in email rather than texting. She had yet to give him her personal number, but he was honestly just glad she wasn't having Kingo filter his messages to her, either.

As per my previous email, I would be happy to meet if your schedule sees fit, Ice.

Two could play at this game. Even as he was looking over his schedule and moving things around for himself. He really needed a Kingo for himself, and her older chief of staff Karun also seemed really on top of things. He had once joked that he would try to poach them from her, and the look he got made him know why people were so afraid of someone as beautiful and delicate as she was.

I have a meeting slot available from 4 onward.

So, it was a lie that she had a tight schedule. If she was offering her 4 o'clock then that was her last meeting for the day, most likely. Unless she was planning to make wild love for a tight 45 minutes and then have meetings until 6.

The whole hour?

If you think our business will take that long, I can offer you the full hour. I advise you decide preemptively if you require the full allotment.

Oh, she thought he didn't want the full time? She was making a joke about him not lasting long, sure. But he was having too much fun flirting with her to let it get to him. He gleefully typed out his response, already swiping his other hand through his hair.

Please be advised, Ice Queen, I believe I have several positions to propose during our meeting. I do hope you are prepared for such intentions during only one hour.

He would give anything to see her face right now. He liked it when she got kind of flustered, even when she was annoyed with him. Call him childish, he liked having her attention. He was entirely the the old story of a boy not knowing how to tell a girl how much he liked her, so instead he did little things to get under her skin.

She was facetiming him.

He picked it up with a wicked grin on his face, "to what do I owe the honour, Ice?"

"I would prefer not to have a paper trail for this proposal, as you put it," she glared at him. She knew he was having fun with their little entendres. "Are you coming or not?"

"Don't I always, with you?"

"Insipid juvenile," she practically hissed at him. She leaned back in her chair, ever poised and elegant. "If you don't want the time slot, I'll schedule someone else."

Gil frowned. "Are we still talking about us, Princess?"

She raised her brows at him--the minx. "I was talking about meetings."

He growled faintly under his breath. Such an impossible woman he had chosen. "I'll be there. Who would you even have offered it to?"

She shrugged, now playing coy for her own enjoyment. "I heard the Prince Eternal is floating around the city. I'm sure if I contacted his beastly little assistant, he'd come running."

Gil puffed through his nose, feeling like a bull getting a red cape waved at him. "Now you're just trying to piss me off."

Thena's eyes dashed down to her lap. She was playing a game of chicken with him, and the Ice Queen didn't take unnecessary risks. "My time is valuable, Tyrant. And others are willing to pay even more than you."

That may have been true, but no one would give her more.

He tugged at his shirt, calling her bluff, "you hate that guy."

She made a face; there was no lying about that. "Perhaps, but it's always at least a few million whenever he pays me a visit."

Gil rolled his eyes. He didn't have to be part of the rich boys who were all insignificant admirers of hers. He wasn't some kid with a crush, he was the Tyrant King.

"Thena," he began, and immediately she was set on edge. Even though they had made love several times now (not that she called it that). He leaned forward, making sure his shoulders looked nice and wide in the shot. He lowered his voice, giving her his best, most smouldering look. "I want to see you."

Desired effect: achieved. She blinked, looking just the littlest bit flustered, maybe even blushing a little. Her eyes drifted away again, but she was smiling a little, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. The diamond stud on her ear cuff sparkled at him. It made him want to pull it off with his teeth.

"Fine," she attempted to maintain her cold facade, but he could see a little more Thena under it. She drew her lace tighter around her. "I'll tell Karun to expect you."

And with that, she was done talking about it. She hung up, but Gil didn't feel hung up on. He smiled, slipping his phone into the inside pocket of his suit jacket. He stood, fluffing his hair again and grabbing his essentials to tell his security that he was leaving the office.

He had an important date to make.

[freckleslikestars]

We should be in a place where we can trust one another. I think you're holding something back. Look me in the eye. Look me in the eye. Tell me - that I'm wrong.

FARSCAPE | 2.01 Mind the Baby

[taylor-titmouse]

hey i want to talk about how you should be promoting your work as an erotic author/illustrator

i'm writing this up because the marketing aspect of my work as an erotic author/illustrator is a science to me, and also because i'm the guy who gets unreasonably annoyed when i see other creators not properly advertising their work. you presumably want to make money off your work. this post will be written under the assumption you want to make money off your work but are doing a bad job at it. it will be very confrontational. if you read this and feel attacked you're right and i am attacking you.

this is geared toward selling erotic comics/writing/books/art as products. i will probably write more than one post about this subject so if i didn't touch on something you want to know more about, comment/send me an ask and i'll keep it in mind for the next one.

i will start with my first and least specific but most important point:

DON'T GET FUCKING CUTE

hi are you paying attention. i'm gripping you by the sides of your face. do not get fucking cute with what you are trying to sell. you are not a big enough property to get cute, nobody LIKES it when big properties get cute, and you are selling porn. you have to own this. you have to be up front about this. don't be tongue in cheek, don't be all teehee i wonder what this could be~, don't be secretive. you are selling a product. you have to fucking act like it. you are an adult selling pornography to other adults. i am GRIPPING your HEAD you NEED to understand this.

and to be clear when i say 'cute' i mean coy. i don't mean cutesy, as in the aesthetic. you can be as hello kitty pastel ten emojis a post uwu as you like when you're building your audience and generating hype. but when you start trying to sell, don't be vague, don't be sarcastic, don't mislabel your work as a joke and assume everyone is on it. because they're not.

you must always assume 75% of the people seeing the thing you are advertising have no fucking idea who you are. and that includes a huge chunk of the people who already follow you. they do not know who you are or what you've been working on for two months or why they should care about it. they just got here. somebody just reposted it. they are seeing it for the first time. most people are only looking at social media for a tiny chunk of their day. they are not keeping up with you. you cannot get cute about what you are trying to sell because nobody knows what it is until you tell them.

okay are you still with me. we are going to talk about clarity now.

YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT IT IS

good lord the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's comic or book and had no idea what's actually in it or what it's about. who are the characters? why should i care about them? what do they do in it? what is the premise of this thing you want me to spend $5 on? why would you not tell me? i'm shaking you again. please i have to know what i'm buying i only have so much money to spend on porn.

porn, arguably more than any other genre, relies on knowing exactly what is in it. you do not want to surprise your readers with a kink they were unaware of! and on the flip side, you do not want to miss out on your target audience! if your book contains a hot spider babe laying eggs in an elf, you have to say so. not just so people who don't want to read about eggs know it isn't for them, but so the people who are egg crazy can see that and go "oh fuck YES i love EGGS here is my $5 and an extra $2 tip for catering to me specifically". a contents/features list is as much an advertisement as it is a warning!

as for re: who the characters are and why should i care, i'm sorry but you need to learn how to write sales copy. you have to write blurbs. you have to get good at the shit that goes on the back of a book. we all hate it but we have to do it. i want to know who the characters are and what the context is. i, personally, am not interested in contemporary stories as much as fantasy and historical. please tell me what genre this porn exists in so i know if it aesthetically appeals to me. pull some books off your shelves and see how they do it. hell man go look at mine.

while you're there, note that every single book of mine has a sample of what's in it. this feels like such a no-brainer to me but again! the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's work and they don't show me what their work looks like! you gotta give me the first page or two! just enough that i know if i like the way your writing sounds, or the way you draw your comics! i don't know you! i am not going to trust that you're good at what you do just based on a cover. the cover is to get me to this step, it is not the only step. you have to show me that you're worth spending my money on!

to put it less cynically, you want to catch my interest. you want me to go 'oh i want to see more of this', you want me to go 'ahh i want to know where this goes!' you need to get me invested and craving more. earn my $5!!!

YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EASY TO GIVE YOU MONEY

hey go look at your bio right now. go look at your pinned post. do you have a link to your patreon there? do you have a link to your itchio/gumroad/whatever? do i have to click more than once to get to the places you want me to go to give you money? why? why are you making me click twice? have we learned nothing from every website making you click an extra time when they make some stupid UI update and how much it pisses us off? i have already given up, i have forgotten you, i am not giving you my $5 today. put your links in the easiest places to get to them.

god literally as i was writing this post i went to go find somebody's itchio to see how they described their work and it was not anywhere on their profile. grabbing you and shaking you PUT THE LINK WHERE I CAN FIND IT. don't make it hard! make it easy! i am a dickhead sitting on the toilet scrolling, saw your post, and was interested enough to read further. but you made me go to your bio to find your linktree and oops i have already gone back to my timeline to look at the boobies in the next post. stop wasting precious bio space on DNIs and put your fuckin links there!!!

this is more for the twitter people, but: just put the link in the damn post. just say the word commission. just say it's for patreon. "wuh wuh the algorithm" it is not the damn algorithm it's that everybody hates advertising and nobody wants to retweet ads. putting slashes in the words doesn't do anything and you look like a fool. i have posted so much art that says it's 'a commission for ___" and it did exactly as good as any other art despite having the word commission in it. and by doing the slashes you just made it impossible for anybody to search your account for your commission information (which should be at the VERY LEAST in a post under your pinned tweet if you're not actively posting about them being open).

okay that went on a tangent i'm going to back to the point of putting the link in the tweet. put it in the first post. not in the first reply. don't tell them to go to your bio. put it in the post people are actually going to share. it's fine to put more information in the thread but people are only ever going to share the first post. so put the link there. you have to make it easy. putting links in tweets can hurt you algorithmically, even in the replies. so you're better off having it in the post that actually gets seen and shared. i don't want to open the tweet and scroll to get to your sales page where i ASSUME you will have put all the information anyway. put it in the tweet that just got retweeted by itself onto my dash!

also you have to share it a ton of times. i repost my shit every few hours when i'm trying to push a new product. as i said before people are not 24/7 looking at their timelines. they missed it the first time. they missed it the second time. they didn't get paid yet that week but they were after the eighth time and you reminded them again so they finally bought it. that i will still get sales every time i repost a book ad weeks after release says there are always people who missed it, or who only just showed up.

abandon your pride and shill. shills pay their bills. anyone who gets annoyed about it isn't giving you money in the first place. don't worry about looking like a sell out. don't apologize for plugging your own work. post about it often, post about it in different ways. post about it. post about it. you are not going to make money if people don't know you have something to sell them. if you want to make a career out of it, you need to act like it.

I DON'T HAVE A FOURTH POINT

kisses your forehead. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i've been making and publishing and selling adult art for the past two-three years and have got myself to the point where it pays my rent, and i got there by paying attention to what does and does not work.

please do your best to make money. i want you to make money.

as i said above i plan to write more posts on this subject, such as cover design, how to actually write sales copy, and best practices with running a patreon, but if there's things you would want to hear more about leave a comment or send an ask! i will probably be less aggressive on future topics. these are just things that have grinded my gears for a grip.

[p1utofairy]

PAC: “cause every little thing that we do, should be between me & you.” 🕯️💭✨

• what are your person’s dirty thoughts about you?

disclaimer ✩: 18+ mature themes. thank y'all for 1K omg <3 y’all really fw with lil ol’ me?! ily ily ily. 🥹 here’s a lil sumn sumn to celebrate. 🥂 p.s. take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. enjoy!

pile 1 ⭐️ —

“you don't need me, please believe me. this ain't easy, you know i've been feindin'. let me unleash my demons on you.”

“innocent” is what i’m hearing pile 1. your person will underestimate just how much of a hold you have on them lol initially they’ll think that you’re more of the submissive type, but oh are they in for a treat! you hold your cards close to your chest, so it’ll surprise them when this other side of you comes to the surface. i’m hearing “classy in the streets but a freak in the sheets” LOLLL. oh i’m also picking up that some of you may be inexperienced (or may not have as much sexual experience as them) but it won’t come off that way to them...they’ll just think that you’re playing coy and teasing them. your person will be eye-fucking you a lot, i can see them sitting across from you just looking you up and down…locking in on your legs — they’ll really love your legs. “you’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you. you’d be like heaven to touch.” just started playing in my mind. awww your person is very sensual 😩 and as much as they want to have you…they’ll be patient. they want to make sure you feel comfortable. all i need by lloyd just came to mind, “get up on it. i’m so horny and i want it. so get up on this, get up on the dick.” LMFAOOOO ik i said they'll be patient but i’m ngl they'll be internally tussling with themselves because they’re used to just getting what they want and people falling for them at the drop of a dime, but you make them work hard for it. i can see you two having a heavy make-out session before they drop you off home and then you pull away and you're like BYE 😘👋☺️ and they'll just be sitting there with their mind racing a mile per minute like FUCK?????? lmfaooooooooooo my gosh you will rile them up so bad pile 1. i feel like there will be a height difference between you two or an age gap. they could be older than you! you give them butterflies <3 they think they’re making you soo nervous/giddy inside (and they are) but you hide it a little better than they do. after every interaction with them you’ll feel all mushy inside hehe and you’ll be able to tell that you make them nervous. they’re just blown away by how beautiful, hot and how well-put together you are. i can see you talking and they’re just watching your mouth move like 👁️👁️ LMFAOOO bye pile 1. they’re feenin’ for you.

pile 2 🪡 —

“i just wanna live in a fantasy. i think we deserve it, right? top all the memories. i’ve ever made in my life.”

oouu this is my pile that doesn't take shit from nobody, okayyyy! hi pile 2 welcome to your reading <3 i can already tell that your person loves how you carry yourself. you do not allow many people to have access to you, and when you do, people can’t help but feel special inside because you have such a ✨big✨ presence. you may not take your person very serious at first. they have youthful/playful energy while you have a very disciplined and mature demeanor. that’s what will make them so attracted to you; how you're always on your shit…there's no cutting corners with you, you do not have time for the games and they will respect that. there's something about your lips that they love. you might have a defined cupid’s bow like rihanna or maybe they just like how cute and soft they are; especially after they just got done kissing you. i see them teasing you and slightly biting your bottom lip after they pull away from the kiss 🥵 ugh don’t count them out pile 2. they might have youthful energy but they're a pro when it comes to seduction lol you both are similar in a sense — you both want something serious and passionate with a hint of playfulness. they'll loveeeee watching you get ready! like i can see you standing in front of a mirror, in a rush to make yourself look presentable and they're just laying back on the bed…giving you the look. just ready to POUNCE. whew pile 2! this person’s love language might also be physical touch, cause they’ll be fighting the urge to squeeze your ass or constantly have their hand on your lower back. you’ll secretly love all their physical affection though hehe.

pile 3 🔪 —

“out of breath, take it slow. i wanna feel it in my soul. yeah, i know you love it when i’m on top. gotta keep it going, baby. don’t stop.”

heyyyy pile 3 🤗 i’m immediately hearing that you have a way with words. you know exactly what buttons to push to get your person aroused mhm! your person knows your worth just as much as you do, they’ll put you on a pedestal and treat you with so much care and devotion. they may have a worship kink? i see a bedroom setting — lightly-dimmed, candles lit, red rose petals on the floor and they’re slowly taking your shoes off for you…their hands trailing up your bare legs slowly 🥵 OKAYYYY pile 3! the sexual attraction is strong in this one wow. that scene from the wolf of wall street where naomi (margot robbie) and jordan (leo dicaprio) are on a date and naomi is giving him the fuck me eyes while saying “aren’t you married?” is coming to mind. now i don’t feel like there’s any third parties/cheating involved…you two just might be into role-playing. like i can see them booking a spontaneous getaway trip for the two of you & y’all just slut each other out and explore each other’s wildest fantasies the whole time 🤭 you both know how and what will make the other person tick; i can see them teasing you a lot in public. a lot of dirty talk in your ear, hand on the back of your neck gently squeezing and kisses. they were never really like this in their previous relationship(s) but you bring out a whole different side of them. agora hills by doja cat just started playing, “kissing and hope they caught us, whether they like or not. i wanna show you off. i wanna show you off.” THEY REALLY DO, PILE 3. they can't believe they bagged you…every-time they look at you they’re in awe.

[mochinomnoms]

Veins anon!

Eels being cowardly is giving me euphoria because a flirty reader could easily take advantage.

Pre relationship and the eels aren’t sure you like them, but the reader likes what they see and wants to get in on the action.

Brushing hands with Jade when you walk by, bending over dramatically so Floyd can get a good view. Unfortunately this only lasts a bit before they know the reader is in to them and gets pursued romantically.

An eel enjoyer who’d want to pull this off would have to be godly with their hot and cold game, and a bit toxic to play with their feelings like that lmao.

Flirty reader needs to be reeeeally tactful about their methods if they want to have fun flustering one or both of the twins. If they also like you, and get even a remote inkling that you like them back, all bets are off, you're theirs now. No if, ands, or buts.

A bit toxic is mean, but an apt way to describe it. Though, that would have its limits, I don't think merfolk are fond of being played with like that. They are quite emotionally-based creatures, and that is a no-go for many of them. Once the twins catch on to your little game of chase, they're reacting in two very different ways:

Floyd is all for chasing after you, giddy at the thought of you playing coy. He's cornering you in hallways, leaving notes on your desks, trying to coax you into fighting him. Floyd wants you to react, so by the Seven he's going to get you to react. Ideally via an angry kiss.

Jade is mean, he's going to make you try to chase him instead by flustering you and leaving until you're begging for a scrap of affection. He's leaning into you, maybe while you're both studying, breath hot against your neck and ear as he murmurs something you can't make out. You can just feel his lips brushing against the pulse point in your neck before he suddenly pulls away, back to his book with a good 6 inches of distance between you. Jade giving you an innocent smile as he asks if you got question 14 on the homework. You wanna play stupid games? Don't get mad then, he's just another player.

[microclown]

Crowley and Aziraphale's communication in the final 15 is bad, but going back through the season I've realized it's even more prevalent than I thought…

not all of these miscommunications are a problem, but they barely have one interaction that doesn't include some form of lack of communication, so I thought it was worth highlighting the pattern

List under the cut, analysis at the end

Aziraphale doesn't tell Crowley about the naked man, Nina does

Aziraphale doesn't tell him it's Gabriel, he tell him it's Jim, Crowley sees it's Gabriel

"I feel like your exactly and my exactly are different exactlys" (aka miscommunication- assuming they're on the same page when they're not)

Cowley doesn't tell Aziraphale the stakes, that he could be erased from the book of life for helping Gabriel

The Apology dance is literally dancing around the issue. He doesn't want to apologize because he doesn't believe he is in the wrong, but they never talk through it, they just move forward

"Ah, we're going to the pub!" As they're walking in the door. so Aziraphale didn't tell him where they were going, he just lead him there??

Aziraphale and Crowley don't agree on how to get Nina and Maggie together, but they go ahead and execute their own plans without discussing it further. Crowley does ask "I'm lost, am I doing a rainstorm?" but Aziraphale has already moved on and doesn't answer him. He's already decided the ball is the better option, but he doesn't communicate that. Later, Crowley tries to tell Aziraphale about his plan with the rainstorm, but Aziraphale ignores him. "You don't want to hear about my plan?" Then when Crowley tells him the rainstorm plan was a bust, Aziraphale has no idea what he's talking about.

After telling Crowley about the Clue, Aziraphle doesn't let them discuss it at all. He literally cuts Crowley off from asking any questions about it "no! not another word."

When Aziraphale asks to take the Bentley, he doesn't really ask, he's telling Crowley he's going to take it. Crowley says no indirectly "You can't drive my Bentley." Aziraphale explains that he can drive because he has a license. So Crowley says "No" plainly. Aziraphale ignores him. Crowley says "No" again, louder, clearer, slaps Aziraphale's hand away, but Aziraphale still ignores him.

When Aziraphale tells Crowley what he learned about Gabriel in Edinburgh, they never discuss it fully because Crowley cuts him off to execute his rainstorm that they've also never fully discussed.

Neither Aziraphale or Crowley tell the other that Shax confronted them. More importantly, Aziraphale doesn't tell Crowley that Shax tricked him into revealing that Gabriel is in the bookshop.

Aziraphale is very coy with Crowley while planning the ball "wait and see!" He never actually tells Crowley his plan.

When Aziraphale suggests "just talking" to Gabriel, he looks pleased when Crowley says "Actually, I will." He doesn't seems to read Crowley's tone. Crowley then proceeded to yell at Gabriel and tells him to jump out a window. Probably not what Aziraphale had in mind.

Of course, the whole scene in the ball. Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale about the demons straight away, he leads with a seemingly less urgent "somethings wrong". Aziraphale is barely listening anyway. He's too in his own world, too caught up in psyching himself up to ask Crowley to dance.

After the demons storm the ball, Aziraphale tells Crowley he's got a suggestion, but Crowley cuts him off "I've got it."

Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale what he learned in Heaven. He doesn't tell him about Armageddon part 2, or that Gabriel was fired for not wanting to go ahead with it. He doesn't even tell him this during their big fight at the end, when you would think it would be a convincing point towards Aziraphel staying.

Neil has revealed that Crowley never told Aziraphale that he was living in his car

And then their final argument is laden with miscommunication, (people have gone into great depths analyzing this already, but I’ll just sum it up so it’s included) - Aziraphale assumes Crowley would want to be an angel again, but they’ve clearly never discussed this. Crowley assumes Aziraphale is on the same page with why heaven is so bad, but they’ve clearly not fully discussed this either.  Crowley can barely look at Aziraphale when he’s confessing. He can’t get out the word “partner.” He can’t finish his sentence “I would like to spend…” Then there’s “nothing lasts forever” which Crowley interprets entirely differently from Aziraphale’s intention. “I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you” “I understand, and I think I understand a whole lot better than you.” And then, when Crowley has given up on trying to communicate verbally, he kisses Aziraphale as a last “Hail Mary” to get him to understand. But of course he doesn’t. That’s not communication. 

So.

If you’re still with me, what’s the point of laying all this out? Well, a couple of things. I’ll try to organize my thoughts coherently. 

 _

Crowley and Aziraphale’s communication is beyond a simple fix

It is so much worse than I originally thought. What they need is couples therapy. They both need to become aware of the broken way they relate to each other, and they need to do a lot of work on listening to each other, giving each other space to talk, and being honest with what they know and how they are feeling. We needed someone to call them out, make them aware of this, but Nina and Maggie TRIED this season, and it was not enough. Unfortunately, I’m fairly confident season 3 will not just be six hour long couples therapy sessions. I’m not sure how much room for working on communication skills there will be at all. Neil has described season three as big, loud, and action packed. I have no idea how this issue will be resolved in that context. 

_

Something horrible I realized when making this list. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale is beginning to mirror his toxic relationship with heaven. Aziraphale develops a plan- taking care of Gabriel, investigating the clue, organizing the ball. He wants things to go just the way he has in mind. He does not let Crowley say no. He does not let Crowley ask questions!!! And now Aziraphale is running heaven? What makes us think he would treat Crowley any differently in a real position of power? It would have been so. bad. if Crowley accepted Aziraphale’s offer. Yes, Aziraphale and Crowley are on the same page on preserving the world and humanity, and yes they love each other and want to be with each other, but when it comes to what to do about it, they don’t see eye to eye. And neither of them know how to properly collaborate or communicate. 

_

Finally, why do Aziraphale and Crowleyhide things from one another? Simply, they don’t really trust each other. I mean they do, sort of, but not entirely. They have a deeper trust. They trust that the other cares about them, and won't harm them intentionally, but they have so many deep rooted issues with trust from their past with heaven and hell that it overflows into their relationship. People have said Crowley keeps information from Aziraphale to protect him, but that also comes from a place of mistrust. He doesn’t trust Aziraphale to protect himself. He doesn’t trust him to do what he would do with that information. Similarly, Aziraphale doesn’t trust Crowley to let him do things his way. They don’t know how to collaborate! Not really. It's something they want, but were never taught. Collaboration was never encouraged in Heaven or hell.

[sp1rit-realm]

༻¨*:· 𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄 ·:*¨༺

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 remus is used to the same day, and then you come into his life.

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 please give me some grace. i havent written a full on fic in... a hot second 𖦹 record shop owner!remus x fem!reader (she/her prns) 𖦹 sirius uses he/they prns 𖦹 also. reader moves to england so she doesnt have british accent. yeah. 𖦹 lily evans being the best 𖦹 FLUFF (everyone cheered!) 𖦹 [brief] ANGST (everyone cried!) 𖦹 not proofread

༻¨*:· words ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 2.7k

Routine—a very familiar word to Remus. His days were the same. Wake up, go to work, go home, shower, then sleep. He ate the same thing for breakfast and the same thing for lunch. Dinner was the only thing he frequently changed—maybe one day, he would have pasta, and the next, he would have chicken. He hung out with friends on Saturday, and they went to the same pub every time. The topics were usually the same. Sirius met someone new, someone they claimed to be "The One," only for that person to leave their life. James usually talked about training, Lily, and updates on her pregnancy. Since school ended, things had become... predictable.

You walked into the rickety old record shop, intent on finding your favorite album. It broke on the move to the UK, and you needed it desperately. 

Upon hearing the bell ring, Remus looked up. It was part of his routine—to see who had entered his shop—and there you stood, tote bag in hand with messy, windblown hair.

After searching through the Rock section for ages, you practically squeal when you see the album.

Remus looks up as you walk to the counter, "Hi." 

"Hi," You smile. Your accent throws Remus off, and he smiles. 

He looks at the record, then puts it down, "We have this in a white vinyl," He says, "I— I didn't mark it as colored, so you probably didn't see it. I can go grab it for you?"

You eagerly nod, "That would be fantastic!"

He stands, and you realize how tall he is—it's like he's towering over you.

A moment later, he returns with the other record, "They're hard to come by," He scrawls something on the record sheet, then rings up the album.

You thank him and pay, leaving him to wonder if you'll be back.

The next time you see him, he's with a pretty girl. She's got bleached blonde hair and a cute button nose. She's beautiful. Of course, you recognize the tall man—how could you not? He and the girl make their way to the counter; they both order.

"For Remus," A woman calls out. 

Remus—that's his name.

Remus steals glances at you the entire time he's at the coffee shop.

"Who's that?" Marlene asks with a coy smirk.

"I don't know. Came into the shop a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh, so you have a little crush." Marlene is full-on smirking now.

Remus goes red, "What? No." He shakes his head, "No," He repeats, trying to reassure himself that he doesn't have feelings for you.

"Sure," Marlene mutters, taking a sip of her drink.

Remus rolls his eyes.

About a month passes by until you see one another again. You walk into the shop. Remus looks up when the bell rings, and he smiles.

Sirius is there today, and they go up to you.

"What're you looking for?" 

You answer, and he leads you to the section as if you don't know the alphabet. He doesn't mean it that way, you know that. 

Still, you tease them about it, and their face goes stark red, "Sorry. I just— Sometimes record shops can be confusing in how they order things. Like, when it goes from 'C' to 'D,' does the 'D' section continue on the other side, or does it continue straight across? You know?" 

"I'm kidding around," You smile, "I've been here before. Granted, it was just once, but I know how it works. Thank you, though."

"But of course," Sirius curtsies, "Anything for you..."

"Y/n," You introduce yourself.

"I'm Sirius. Like the star," He clarifies, "Like, that's my name. S-i-r-i-u-s," They spell out.

You giggle, "Nice to meet you, Sirius."

"Nice to meet you. I love your silly accent, by the way."

"You're the one with the silly accent," You shoot back.

"Not when my accent is outnumbering yours."

You tilt your head and hum, "Strangely, I understand what you mean."

"It'd be concerning if you didn't."

"Do you frequent this shop a lot?" You ask, flipping through albums.

"My friend is the owner." Sirius shrugs.

You perk up, "Remus?"

Sirius quirks their brow, "You know him?"

You get hot, "No."

He narrows his eyes, "So, how do you know his name is Remus?"

"Well," You whisper, "I came in a while ago. He was really nice when I checked out. Then, a couple of weeks later, I saw him at a coffee shop, and they said his name when his drink was ready."

"You're a creep," Sirius raises his eyebrows.

"No!" You argue.

"Such a creep." Sirius begins walking away; you rush to follow him, "I'm telling him." He says.

You begin to panic, "Wait! No!" 

Sirius keeps walking to the front.

"Sirius," You whine, "Stop!"

"Remus!"

You silently will him to stop.

"Remus!" Sirius calls again.

"Lovely lady over here has something to tell you," He smirks.

If looks could kill, Sirius would be six feet under.

"I just– um–" You sputter out, "I just wanted to thank you for helping me with the record last time I was here."

You swear he blushes, but you don't want to look to find out.

"It was no problem," He smiles, "Maybe I could give you a call if any of their other records come in?"

Sirius smirks from the sidelines.

"Um..." It takes a moment to process, "Sure." You nod assertively, "Yeah. I would love that!"

Remus's world has turned upside down—you keep him on his toes. He stays up because, maybe, you'll call tonight. You eat lunch with him sometimes, and gone are the days when he eats the same thing every day. Gone are the days when he closes up shop at 7:00. Gone is routine.

"Do you want to have dinner tonight?" You ask, wrapping the cord around your finger.

"I'm actually going out," Remus responds. You frown, and your imagination runs wild. What if he's going on a date?

"Hello?" He asks, and you realize you've blocked him out.

"Huh? Sorry?"

"I asked if you wanted to come with me. You can meet my mates. If you want." He spits out. Saying it once is nerve-wracking enough; saying it twice is terrifying because what if you say no? What if you don't want to meet his friends? What if–

"I'd love to!" You cut his frantic thoughts off, and his heart swells.

"Really?" He asks.

"Of course!"

So, now, you're standing in front of a random pub, wondering if he's pranking you. It's been about five minutes, and you know that's not a long time to wait, but your anxiety is getting the better of you. 

Then, five turns to fifteen, and you're wondering how pathetic you look.

"Y/n?"

Your head whips to the door, "Sirius? When'd you get here?"

Sirius checks their wrist like they're checking a watch, "'Bout half an hour ago. Did the dimwit not tell you to meet us inside?"

You shake your head, "He said to meet him at the bar. So, I guess he didn't quite specify." You shrug.

"Well, come on in," He holds the door open for you.

You thank Sirius and look around for Remus. He's not hard to spot, and Sirius jogs over to their booth before whispering something into Remus's ear. He looks up and smiles brightly.

"You're here!" He exclaims.

"You're here." You say, tone almost scolding him. 

Sirius whispers something else to him.

His face drops, "Oh... sorry for not telling you to meet us inside." His mouth quirks to one side in a guilty expression.

You smile, "It's okay. I forgive you." You sit next to him.

"Oh, thank god," He rests his hand on his chest, "A pretty girl being mad at me would've been my death."

Heat blossoms in your chest.

"So..." James begins, "Now that flirt time is over, can I say hello?"

"Ha!" Sirius barks out, "Flirt time!"

Remus gets warm, "This is James, another one of my school friends. James, this is y/n."

All James says is: "You're his lock screen, y'know?"

Remus kicks him under the table.

"I mean–" James smiles, "Hello, it's nice to meet you. I have never seen your face before."

"Smooth," Sirius whispers to James.

You smile at Remus's red face.

"Ignore him, please?" He begs.

You nod.

Sirius and James tell you embarrassing stories about Remus for the rest of the night, and the boy starts to regret introducing you to them as a pair.

 At the end of the night, he drops you off. 

Rubbing his face, he sighs, "I hope they weren't too much."

You smile brightly, and Remus feels like he could fall to his knees, "I had an amazing time. They're really fun, Remus."

You leave him with a kiss on the cheek—he puts his hand up to the spot and smiles the whole way home.

"I've missed you," You say into the phone.

"I've missed you, too. You should just let me come over." Remus begs for the umpteenth time.

"I don't want to get you sick," You frown, "That would be horrible."

"It wouldn't be the end of the world. We could quarantine together," He smirks, "I could make you soup, and we could cuddle together on the couch and watch some ridiculous rom-com."

"Take a girl out on a date first!" You joke.

"I would if you weren't so busy being poorly." Remus groans.

"So you're asking me out on a date?" You smile and do a little happy dance.

"I guess I am."

He's smug, and you can tell.

A week later, you sit in a fancy restaurant—the kind where the prices aren't even on the menu. Remus is fidgety. He's wearing his nicest button-down, and you think it looks funny on him. He gets red at your comment and looks down at the table with pursed lips.

"I just meant that I'm so used to you wearing those comfy sweaters. You look good, though." You earnestly smile at him.

"You look nice tonight, yourself."

"Well, I'm going on a date with this charming boy. I wanted to impress him."

"I hear he's very impressed."

You insist on paying, but he won't let you. As soon as you pull out your wallet, he snatches it from you.

He kisses you before leaving you at your car, and you don't want it to stop. It's soft and tender, and it's everything you hoped it would be. 

One date turns to two, which turns to five, and now you're anxiously pacing in your flat. You're dating Remus; you have been for a few months, and you're not sure when it's an appropriate time to ask the question, but you'll ask tonight. Except Remus doesn't come. He doesn't call, either. 

After an hour of worrying, you call Sirius.

"Hello?" He answers—it's obvious he's high.

"Hi. Do you know where Remus is?"

Sirius laughs, "Right here."

"Can I talk to him?"

You hear rustling as Sirius passes the phone.

"Hello?"

"Remus," You whine.

"Hey there. What's going on?" He's calm—too calm. He's also high.

"You were supposed to come over tonight." You frown—it's a fruitless effort. He can't see you.

"Shit. 'M sorry, baby," He frowns, too. You can hear it.

"'S okay. I was just really looking forward to seeing you." You dramatically slide down your wall into a crouching position.

"I'd come over, but, y'know," He wanders off.

"You're so high you can barely walk?" You offer.

He takes it, "Yes."

"It's alright," You sigh, and Remus feels terrible, "Promise you'll come over tomorrow?"

"Promise," He answers.

But then tomorrow comes, and Remus has yet to show up. So you dial his number, but he doesn't pick up. An hour passes until your phone rings, and you're anxious and giddy and hopeful as you pick it up.

"Sorry." Remus's voice is gruff, and you can hear the guilt in his tone.

"It's okay. You can still come over. It's not too late."

"No," He sighs, "I'm sorry, but I can't... I have to break up with you."

Your face drops with your stomach, "What?"

"I can't be with you. I'm— I'm sorry."

"No!" Tears blur your vision, "You can't just tell me we're over. Explain yourself!"

"I just can't do it anymore. It's too hard."

You choke out a sob, "What's too hard? Loving me?"

"No," He sighs, and he sounds tired, oh so tired, "I'm incapable of giving you what you need."

"And who gets to say what I need?"

"Y/n, for your sake, I'm ending this. I can't provide for you in the way you'll need me to."

"Remus," You sigh, "I don't understand. What do you mean you 'can't provide' for me?"

"I can't emotionally be there for you. I'm sorry." 

And as you hear the dial tone, you let your sobs out.

You feel empty. Your only friends are Remus's; now you feel like you can't talk to them. 

"You're daft," Sirius scolds, "Y/n was lovely, and you break up with her over the phone?!"

Remus hangs his head in shame, "Yeah, I did."

Then Remus looked up and was met with one of his worst fears. He'd been on Lily Evans's bad side more than once, but never like this. He'd only seen this stare a handful of times, but not once was it directed at him, until now.

She marches over to the booth, never breaking her stare, leans close to Remus, and slaps him, "You twat!" 

He doesn't know what to say, so he holds his cheek and waits for her to continue.

"You hurt an exceptionally lovely girl for what?! Because you're insecure? Because it was too scary to feel loved so deeply? That girl gave you her all, Remus! And this is how you treat her?" Lily's face is red at the end of her rant, and Sirius tries to hold in their snickers.

Lily narrows her eyes at Remus, "I can read you like a book, Remus Lupin. I know what's going on in that magnificently stupid head of yours! Go apologize to her!"

"I can't," He murmurs, "I've already ruined it."

She rolls her eyes, "You won't know unless you try, and not knowing will eat at you, and you will die confused, sad, and alone."

"She has a point," Sirius agrees, "I mean... we all know you'll just mope around until we push you to talk to her, but by then, it'll be too late. She will have found somebody, and they'll get married, and you'll just be that bloke from when she moved here. Go talk to her."

"What do I say?"

It's almost midnight when a knocking at your door wakes you. Groaning, you get out of bed and make your way to the door.

You undo the bottom lock, keeping the chain in place.

"Yes?" You peek through the crack, surprised to see Remus holding flowers on the other side.

"I'm sorry."

He thinks he's surely blown it when you close the door, but he hears the chain clanking as you fully unlock it.

"What are you doing here?"

Remus wants to cry at the sight of you. Your eyes are bloodshot and puffy, with red tracing your waterline.

"I—" He has a whole script planned out but seems to have forgotten every word, "I have flowers," He settles on.

"For me?"

He nods.

"What are you doing here?" You ask again, taking the flowers.

"I'm here to apologize. I was a dick the other day."

You tilt your head, "You mean the other day when you broke up with me?"

Remus almost doesn't catch the sarcasm, "I'm sorry. I get so caught up in my head—"

You turn from him, "Come in," You mutter as you walk into your kitchen.

He closes the door behind him and toes his shoes off, "I get scared when I let somebody get too close."

"Tea?"

"Yes, please."

He watches as you move around your kitchen, grabbing cups and boiling the water. He's missed you.

"Why let me get close at all, then?"

"Because I like you."

You turn and look at him, "Do you, now?"

Remus sighs, "Look, I fucked up, I know that. Do you think we can try again?"

You walk over to him, "You said you can't give me what I need. What does that mean, Remus?"

"I'm unfit to be with somebody."

"I don't think so. You were wonderful the past three months. So wonderful that I think, if you work on yourself, we can give this another go."

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, leaning in.

"I look terrible," You laugh.

"No," He rests his forehead against yours, "You're always beautiful."

"Kiss me." 

hi guys sorry if this is bad😇😇

my lovely mutuals <33 @sepptember @violetteshoneybee @ay0nha @maroon-winestain @prongsio @imabee-oralizard @storyofaromance @queerpumpkinnn @doyouknowwhoyouare13 @zvdvdlvr @reysdriver @g1rld1ary @starsval @vampieteeth @maddipoof @bruisedboys @ell0ra-br3kk3r

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Could I request Miko, Lisa, and Navia with an author s/o who writes hot-selling stories based on them?

(Genshin Impact) Miko, Lisa, and Navia's S/O writing stories about them

Yae can't help but laugh upon reading S/O's stories, quickly realizing who the protagonist resembles.

With a grin she leans onto the table S/O is currently writing on.

(Yae) "Well, it looks like you were certainly inspired by a certain someone. Do you really think that I'm that mischevious?"

(S/O) "Oh, I don't think it. I know it. The real question is if anyone else has realized it yet."

(Yae) "Hm, well your protagonist is already a woman, but not a kitsune. Perhaps we should add in that detail?"

She absolutely loves her own characterization, coy, mysterious, intimidating, it was anything but boring.

And that's all she really asked for.

Well, that and some mora for S/O using her likeness.

(Yae) "If you want to continue using me in your stories, I want a little bit of the share."

(S/O) "Yae, you already publish my books-"

(Yae) "Mhm, but I don't recall you ever asking permission to have me as your main lead. Therefore, I want some compensation."

(S/O) "Will Fried Tofu work?"

(Yae) "...Perhaps.

Lisa has quite the amount of time to read books in the library, and it isn't long until S/O has her proofread some of their works.

She knows they sell well, and figures she might as well give her two cents on the matter.

Before realizing their protagonists sounds very familiar.

(Lisa) "Brown haired, green eyes, very flirty...How creative, S/O!"

(S/O) "They say write what you know, right? So, I figured I might as well make the main lead the most interesting woman I know."

(Lisa) "I'd normally agree, but she also seems to be very lazy. Are you trying to imply something?"

Lisa asks with a slight grin. Though her tone is teasing, S/O knows damn well to answer correctly.

(S/O) "Creative liberties, my love. It only means something if you think it does!"

(Lisa) "Hm, a reasonable answer. Any other traits about them I should be aware of before I continue?"

(S/O) "They're very smart. That one is based off you."

(Lisa) "Good answer."

Lisa finds it amusing to see how S/O views her on a daily basis put to paper.

Navia doesn't take too much time to read books with how busy she is, but she makes an exception if her S/O is the author!

It takes her a good chunk of the book before realizing that the protagonist was kind of familiar...

(Navia) "S/O, the girl in this story is very reminiscent to the stories I told you about me."

(S/O) "Hm? I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Navia crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow alongside giving them a smile.

(Navia) "Down to the gun umbrella? Why did you not tell me sooner that I am your main star?!"

(S/O) "I wanted it to be a surprise, was it?"

(Navia) "Hah, I'd say so. But she's really ditzy. Do you see me that way too?"

Suddenly, S/O was silent.

(S/O) "You just have a lot of energy is all, I wouldn't really say ditzy."

Navia began pouting.

(Navia) "I am not like her at all, I don't make decisions out of the blue like that!"

(S/O) "..."

(Navia) "...Okay, not ALL the time!"

[gffa]

Sometimes I really love Star Wars, but also sometimes it drives me up the wall!!! We criticized Mando season 3 to hell and back for all the overreliance on cameos, to the point that it actively took away from the story, so what does Ahsoka do instead? Has a scene with the New Republic where it would make sense for Leia to be there, but instead they send Threepio to deliver a message instead of just either recasting or even monster CGIing her into existence. Oh now you're gunshy about overreliance on cameos!?!? When it would make more sense to have here there, than to not!?!? When you could tie it into her warning the New Republic that they're ignoring the threats lurking out there in the galaxy, that that's why she finally quit in the sequels, because she couldn't go through that again!?!? Now you want to play it safe and coy!?!? Sometimes I love Star Wars very much, but also sometimes I want to shake it until it stops being afraid of just recasting the OT trio already, it's fine, just do it already!!!!

[ugh-yoongi]

a yoongi soft thought i have been having recently: streamer!yoongs with an also streamer reader, they both work independently but the fans know about their relationship and love it so much! i was thinking about them deciding to do a stream together where the reader does his makeup and they talk to the public, very cliche very soft lol

hope you like the idea, luv your writing ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

omggg you have no idea how much i SQUEALED reading this message. thank u so much for sending it i am now overwhelmed with soft yoongi feels 😭

i have never actually watched a twitch stream??? so i hope i did this justice & you enjoy! <3

stream is starting

pairing: yoongi x reader (no pronouns used) genre: est. relationship, streamer au; fluff warnings: fluff overload. reader does yoongi's nails and makeup. they kiss a lot. idk what to say they're just very in love!! i don't think i said even ONE curse word in this that's how soft it is. unedited. rating: e for everyone wordcount: 1.6k listen to: carly rae jepsen - run away with me; jungkook - seven (nightfall mix)

It starts, as most things do with Yoongi, after a night out.

He’d gone out with Hoseok. Wanted to blow off some steam after a long week for both of them. You’d sent him off with a kiss, a text me if you need a ride that was met with an affectionate roll of his eyes, and finally a have fun, love you that he returned with a smile and a kiss to your forehead.

Now, it’s nearing two a.m., and you’re in bed with a facemask on, staring down at your phone.

Yoongi had sent you a picture. It’s blurry and unfocused, clearly taken on a whim, but those are undoubtedly Hoseok’s hands. You’d know those slender fingers anywhere, but it’s the nail art that tips you off. Each finger is painted black except for his pinkies, which are decorated with smiley face stickers, sealed with an extra-shiny clear coat. Beneath the photo, two texts from your boyfriend:

Is this hard to do They’re cute

You snort, typing out a quick reply.

No, it’s not hard Why, you want me to do your nails?

You expect him to say no. Not because of some toxic masculinity bullshit, he just does too much with his hands. Chip a nail playing guitar? The acetone would be out immediately. Smudge the polish? His pout would be overwhelming.

So you’re surprised, then, when he says yes; when he sends you a few pictures he plucked off of Pinterest, accompanied only with a half-dozen question marks.

Yeah, I can do that, you send him.

Even more surprising:

Maybe on stream? We haven’t done one together yet You can finally do my makeup too

You shouldn’t be surprised by the numbers, considering Yoongi has been hyping it up for weeks.

Kept posting teasers. Had a countdown timer on screen during his usual streams. Acted all coy and shy whenever his chat would ask him about it. Could barely swallow his smile when they demanded to know if you were finally making an appearance. Couldn’t hide the way his cheeks grew pink at all, and that tiny crumb was enough to send the internet into a frenzy.

So, no, you shouldn’t be surprised, but the view count on Yoongi’s screen seems too big to be real.

Yoongi is as shocked as you, but there’s pride simmering beneath the surface. Not once has he turned down an opportunity to show you off. Refuses to keep you hidden despite how private he insists on being otherwise. Doesn’t want you to feel like you’re a secret; wants everyone to know how much he adores you.

You’re certainly feeling adored now. “Does that say thirty thousand?”

“Sure does. Think you can perform under that kind of pressure?”

You snort. Pinch playfully at his side. Yoongi squeals, twists away from you, but he’s more serious when he comes back around. Reaches for you as he settles, hands on your hips, thumb brushing the warm skin beneath your sweatshirt. “Thanks for doing this with me,” he says, and you know Yoongi means it the same way you say I love you.

All you can do is smile, suddenly overwhelmed by how fond you are of him. How it feels like your heart grows three sizes every time he flashes you one of those gummy smiles of his own.

“Of course,” you say, because there’s only—“Five minutes. You ready?”

He pulls a face. Asks you to sit for a quick light test. Spends a few seconds fussing over it even though you think it looks fine. Makes sure all your supplies are organized and at the ready—you decided to let Yoongi’s stream decide all the colors and stickers, so there’s stuff everywhere, and you can see how stressed he is.

So you reach out, smooth over the furrow between his brows. “Relax, baby.”

He huffs. “I’m trying, it’s just—”

“You’ve done this a million times.”

“Yeah, by myself. Not with you. Not in front of… Jesus, there’s even more of them now.”

You roll your lips to hide the smile that’s creeping up. “C’mere,” you say, sliding your fingers through his belt loops. “Everything is going to be fine, okay? This is just for fun. Deep breaths.”

Yoongi listens. Closes his eyes, sucks in a breath. Holds it for a few seconds before he exhales, and it probably doesn’t do anything to dampen the buzz, but at least he looks glued back together. “I know.” Another inhale, another slow exhale. “I just want this to go well.”

“It will.”

He looks like he wants to argue. Push back on it. But Yoongi knows you just like you know him, and he trusts you implicitly. He wants to argue. Instead, he says, “Okay,” presses a soft kiss to your lips, and that’s the end of that.

“What color did they decide on?”

Admittedly, you might’ve gone overboard. Surely you didn’t need to bring over every eyeshadow palette you own, but you wanted options, and now those options are coming back to bite you in the rear. There are too many.

Yoongi huffs. “I don’t know. I can’t scroll through the chat because you made me put my hands in this ridiculous thing.”

“It’s a UV lamp. You don’t want your nails to chip, do you? After I just spent all that time and effort—”

“Okay, okay,” Yoongi relents, and a familiar blush creeps up his neck. Over his shoulder, you can see his chat explode with messages. “You see what I have to put up with?” he asks them.

“Yeah, it’s awful,” you agree, leaning in closer to the monitor. “Hi, guys. What color eye makeup should we do?” The chat erupts again. Messages come in faster than you can keep up with. “Wow, there are a lot of you. Of course I’m going to do eyeliner. Oh—I’m seeing a lot of requests for purple. That okay with you, babe?”

“Sure. Give the people what they want.”

With a smile, you pat his cheek with a gentle hand, cooing at him. “So accommodating. Isn’t he the best, chat?” Yoongi rolls his eyes, blush deepening. You think he’d hide behind his hands if they weren’t still drying. “Okay, nails are all done. Want to show them how they turned out?”

Like most things with Yoongi are, it’s easy.

He sits patiently while you prime his skin, commenting on how nice it is, and he makes small talk with his chat. Tells them how the two of you met, how disastrous your first date had been, how Yoongi thought he’d blown it for good. He’s told all of these stories before, but it still warms your heart to hear them again—to hear the way he speaks each word with such care, such affection.

“Show them how beautiful you look with your eye makeup done.”

He rolls his eyes, but does as you request anyway. Once again, the chat explodes, and the amount of emotes whirring by nearly makes you go crosseyed. COUPLE GOALS!!!! stands out amongst the chaos, and you know Yoongi has read it because another slow, gummy smile takes over his face.

You do his foundation next even though he doesn’t need any. Even though the chat demands he drop his skincare routine and he admits he doesn’t have one. “It is so unfair that you have this skin and can barely remember to moisturize.” You pretend to boo him. “God truly has favorites.”

“Yeah, you,” Yoongi says, and it’s so quick, so automatic, that it catches you off guard. Has you spraying the setting spray before you can tell him to close his eyes. “Aish, what was that—”

“Sorry!”

“I’m blind,” he wails. “You’ve blinded me!”

“I did not—”

But you’re up and off anyway, disappearing into the bathroom for a wet washcloth. You can hear Yoongi’s raspy laughter from the hall, know he’s not grievously injured and is just playing it up for laughs, and you don’t mind. Loving Yoongi means seeing all of his parts, and you know he’s got a darkness in him just like everyone else, that sometimes he finds it hard to escape it, so you want him to be this carefree and joyous always. Want to hear that laughter all the time.

You’re hovering in the doorway when he says, “Do you think this is what they meant when they said love is blind?”

And you’re… struck. You can feel how much Yoongi loves you in everything he does; can hear it in every word he says whenever he speaks about you. He handpicks each one, wraps it in the care it deserves. Not because they’re fragile, but because he wants to, and that kind of love feels a little overwhelming. Has you blinking back tears.

You’re not going to cry on stream, so you take a second to get yourself together before you walk back in the room. Say, “Are you done being dramatic yet?” because it’s easier to joke, and Yoongi shoots you a smile that says he knows.

“Of course,” he answers. “Please continue. The chat is patiently waiting to see the final product.”

You make a show of looking over his shoulder again, at pretending to read all the comments. You press a kiss to his temple just because you’re there. “Oh, they are, are they?”

One catches your eye: is anyone else painfully aware of how single they are rn.

[tomicscomics]

06/20/2024

That boat is seaworthy... but is the sea worthy?

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: 1. In this Bible story, Jesus and His disciples set out onto the water to travel somewhere, but along the way, a storm appears. The disciples panic and wake Jesus -- Who was taking a nap -- and ask how He can sleep while they're about to die. Jesus tells them to calm down, then tells the storm to the the same, and everyone/thing listens to Him. 2. In this cartoon, I basically tell the same story in simpler terms, but I also give the crashing wave a face and a redemptive character arc, because I find unbalanced joy in personifying natural forces and making them bow to God. 3. In the first panel, the "KILL US ALL" line (in addition to Peter and Andrew's faces) are a reference, but I've decided to play coy about their inspiration. Still, you're free to try some guessing. I'd enjoy a little game. And just to show you have my blessing, take this hint: my very name.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: By the way, this is actually another "Tomics Resurrection," where I've taken an old cartoon and drowned it in the cold, sucking darkness of ⋆✧RENEWAL✧⋆! It's like baptism! And hold onto your wrinkles, old-timers, 'cause this resurrection is pulling from the very first year of Tomics! That's right, the old and new versions are a DECADE apart! I fully redrew it (as usual) and updated the dialogue and color selection, but I liked the framing and pacing of the original, so the actual meat of the comic remained the same. How does it compare?

[russellsppttemplates]

Hi Inês, can’t wait for the bigger thing. And about blurbs how about Lando as a dad and his kids suddenly showing up on stage when he and Oscar are doing interviews and everyone loving it

Note: I hope you enjoyed the big Lance piece!

"It's been a very good season, so far", Oscar said to the interviewer, "the car has been a dream to drive and everyhting had been going very well", he nodded.

"Also, we couldn't help ourselves and scroll through your social media", the interviewer continued, "and we found these, Lando". On the screen, everyone could see a picture of you, Lando, Lily and Oscar and the kids playing together in the garden.

"Oh, look who it is!", Lando said, "such cute children, especially those two with the matching hats!", he snickered as he referred to his daughter and his son. They had been gifted by your parents and the kids loved them, so it was the perfect opportunity to have one less fight about making them wear hats when playing in the sun.

"Oh, look who it is indeed!", the interviewer noted as the Norris kids walked up to their father, Matilda holding Fraser and making sure her younger brother didn't trip as they walked on the stage. The crowd gushed before quieting down a little, not wanting to scare them away even though they only had one goal: go up to daddy.

"Daddy!", they called as they reached Lando, sitting on his thighs and cuddling up to him, "hey, guys! What a lovely surprise!", he cooed, kissing their heads and holding them against him, "we wanted to support you, daddy!", Fraser mumbled and yet it got picked up on the microphone, sending everyone's heart to do somersaults and bringing a coy smile to Lando's lips, "they're pretty cute, right?", he said to the audience.

"Who is going to win the race this weekend?", the interviewer tried, earning a loud "Daddy!" from the Norris kids.

(Thank you for your submission ✨️)

[trippingontheescalator]

Snape Headcanons

He's bad at geography. Sure, he knows this super rare, obscure potion ingredient can only be found in this one area in Laos, but ask him to find Laos on a map he won't have a clue. There was a time he dreamed about seeing world, but he quickly realized he would never get the opportunity and so doesn't see any purpose in learning geography.

A lot of the Marauders' claims about him, like knowing curses as a first year, are exaggerated, but the one thing they're right about is Snape was very nosy. Part of it was because it was useful; knowledge is power, after all. He could trade gossip with his fellow Slytherins, or use it to keep one step ahead of the Marauders (or taunt them with it). But most of it is just his natural curiosity. He's a people watcher. He doesn't often understand people, is bad at human interaction, so he watches from a distance.

Severus knows half the first years think he's some sort of vampire and he revels in it. He knows exactly the kind of image he creates, dressing up in those long black, swishing robes, the spooky dungeons with the jars full of animal body parts. His taste is 33% Mad-Scientist-Run-Amuck, 33% Sad-Victorian-Boy-Dying-of-Tuberculosis, 33% Tacky-Post-Halloween-Discounted-Decor, and 1% Lucius's-Increasing-Despair-to-Make-Severus-Into-a-Functional-Human-Being.

In addition to potions and reading, Severus also does a lot of writing. He's been working on-and-off on a novel since he was fifteen. At this point, it's almost 500,000 words long. One of the few ways he's able to express his thoughts and feelings is through fiction. The main character was heavily based on Lily, especially in the early stages when they were still friends, but as he grew older he put more of himself into the character and now she's become the version of himself he wishes he could be. The night before he kills Dumbledore he burns the entire thing.

Severus knows the DADA position is cursed. Everyone knows it's cursed. He still asks to teach it every year because he also knows that it's the only way he can escape Hogwarts, and he's willing to risk death to do it.

His feelings for Lily have gone through the entire spectrum. At times, she was a sister to him, especially the years before Hogwarts. He used to be incredibly jealous of Petunia, wished he could be Lily's sibling and live in their house and have their parents. It became romantic as a young teenager, especially since she was the only person he felt safe enough with for his pubescent mind to fixate on and explore his budding sexuality. Later, as he became friends with the other Slytherins in his year, it was strictly platonic but nonetheless a very deep friendship. They were both trying to control the other, and Severus was especially worried that Lily would end up like Eileen if she gave into Potter's charms. After his failed apology, he grew angry and resentful and he tried very much to hate her (but he couldn't, not even after she married Potter). And then, after her death, it circled back around to brotherly. He liked to remember those early years best of all, and his devotion to a better cause after her death parallels that of Dumbledore's after Ariana died.

Look I know there's a lot of confusion about godparents, and HP didn't help by being coy about religion, but a godparent isn't a legally appointed guardian. Like, they definitely can be if the parents want that (as it appears to be the case with Sirius Black), but that's not the default. A godparent sponsors a child's baptism and is in charge of their spiritual upbringing, making sure they know their catechism, etc (hence the god part of godparent, its a Catholic/Anglican thing). And the most widespread religion in HP does seem to be Christianity with Christmas being celebrated and whatnot (though I do headcanon the purebloods have their own Druidic/Christian hybrid religion going on). With that being said-- Severus Snape is Draco's godfather. He's also Merula Snyde's godfather. And Pansy Parkinson's godfather. And, like, the godfather of 10 other kids of former Death Eaters. Severus Snape climbed the Death Eater ladder; he was one of Voldemort's favourites during the First War and these other Death Eaters were like, "Damn. I got to get on his good side. Please sponsor my child's baptism."

[iamtheterrorthatflapsinthenight]

Random X-Men Headcanons!

Me and my friend have compiled a lot of headcanons for the X-Men (mainly formulated from jokes) so I wanted to put some here! A few of these are headcanons, most are jokes lol

Kurt listens to really peppy music when he's upset, the main one being the Beach Boys. Just imagine him, poor little German boy, singing Surfin' USA tiredly, trying to turn his mood around.

Erik listens to girly pop music, mainly Katy Perry and Ke$ha. Why? Because it's funny. Let him be girly pop.

Scott tells a lot of jokes but he's deadpan so people can never really tell. Like sometimes he'll just say some insane shit, plain faced, and see how the others react.

Dancing headcanons! Remy is a very good dancer, being particularly prolific in swing dancing. Logan somewhat refuses to dance, but he can line dance. Morph doesn't know how to dance, but they act like they can, dancing like a drunk white girl. Scott and Jean like to dance in private, but Scott gets nervous to dance in front of others. Ororo can bust that shit down.

Scott tries not to laugh when he, or someone else, is doing a bit. Like he tries not to break as he jokes along, to the point where he has to stop talking to not smile, biting inside of his mouth.

Furthermore! He also has a loud laugh, and people get a little caught off guard when they hear it. Me and my friend have described his laugh as a goose honk sound.

Kurt gaslights for fun, and he can get everybody pretty good, except Scott and Jean. You may think "oh because Jean's a telepath, right?" No, because--

Scott and Jean gaslight each other for fun, and they formulate these fake, big arguments, just as a bit. So, they're very familiar with gaslighting tactics, being they lie to each other as a joke, so when Kurt tries to, they immediately meet him-- A little too well, because Kurt is used to just messing with people.

Scott will occasionally freak people out by lowering his glasses (keeping his eyes closed of course). Like someone says "Hey, take a look at that." and he'll lower his glasses and go "Where?!" as a joke.

Everyone loves Kurt. Like, everyone. If Kurt doesn't like someone, everyone has a distaste for them as well.

Jean refers to her own psychic abilities as her "Jedi Mind Tricks"

This one isn't really a headcanon, just a running gag me and my friend do, but something bad will happen, or something inconvenient, and Remy will go "Don't worry.", insistently. Like a loud explosion can go off, and Remy will just say "Don't Worry." Occasionally this will be lengthened to "Don't what? Worry!"

We don't call Leech by his name. We call him Gneep Gnorp. That's it.

Kurt and Remy are super close (as pseudo brother in laws) and they hang out a lot, also doing that guy thing where they flirt with each other as a joke.

No one likes Emma. That's it.

Scott is autistic.

Warren is well manicured. He always has his hair just as he likes it, his wings always preened, his clothes always ironed. He'll a snazzy lookin' fella.

Rogue is a great singer. This barely a headcanon, her voice actress literally put out a song "Mojo Man (Ode to Remy LeBeau)", go listen to it.

Kurt's very coy and playful. Like, "Staaahhppp, hehe!" He also laughs at his own jokes all the time, like he cracks himself up.

Music headcanons! Here's just a few of the ones we made-- Scott likes dad rock obviously, mainly soft rock and folk rock (The Beatles, Hall & Oates, The Beach Boys, CSNY), Logan likes harder rock (Metallica, Alice Cooper, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden), Morph likes new wave and glam rock (Oingo Boingo, David Bowie, Talking Heads, Tears For Fears), Remy likes a fun mix of jazz, country, and soul, with a little rock sprinkled in (Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Billie Holiday, Queen), Jubilee likes a lot of pop, pop-rock, that sorta thing (Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, ABBA, Wham!)

Kurt has a lil hyperfixation on pirates and ships-- this is kinda canon in the comics. But he loves talking about pirate history and ships and misconceptions.

I'm sure there's a bunch of ones I can't remember but there ya go lol

thanks to @the-death-defying-night-crawler for being funny and making these with me lol

[kangals]

ok so here's what we found out from kepler's embark results! buckle up, it's a novel:

to start, i did what i've done for the past 2 embark tests i've sent in, in that when activating the kit i said that my dog was a mixed breed of unknown type, and i opted to not upload a photo beforehand. and like the last 2 times, embark correctly deduced that kep was a purebred collie. so while there's some dna tests out there that definitely suck, i can at least confirm that in my own blind trial, embark got it right 3/3 times. they're great. anyway:

also keeping very in line with being a purebred collie, kep's COI came back at 42% - very high for a typical dog, but dead-on average for a collie. he shares 60% DNA with stellina (despite being on paper second cousins, which should be around 1-2% shared. woe to the collie genepool). he's got a bunch of the same relatives that show up for stellina, which is, again, not surprising. dogs from windcrest, overland, and thistlebrae pop up a lot - if you're familiar with US collie lines, you probably know them.

color traits! kep is confirmed as white-factored, which i was almost certain of based on the pattern of his white markings - you can find more info on it here (referred to as "flashy irish" white) but essentially collies that are white-factored carry the gene for "extreme white" or color-headed white. white is an "incomplete dominant" gene, meaning that one copy affects the dog a little, and two copies affects the dog a lot (remember this term!) two copies of the gene makes the dog almost entirely white (an accepted color in the US, but not the UK/europe i believe), whereas one copy of the gene makes the regular "irish white" markings (the classic white neck ruff and white socks) extend a little further than usual - you'll notice that on kep, his white extends over his shoulders and up to his knees. whereas on stellina (who does not carry the white gene), her white is restricted to her neck, front stockings, and back paws. one of kep's brothers is white, so we knew he likely carried the gene too.

he is confirmed as not a secret merle, though he technically could have been a cryptic/phantom merle - didn't think so, but worth a check.

so all of this is very expected - the health testing is where things get interesting!

embark tests for 265 different genetic health conditions, 4 of which are considered "breed-relevant" for collies: collie eye anomaly (CEA), mdr1 drug sensitivity, degenerative myleopathy (DM), and some immune thing with a long name.

immune thing - clear

DM - clear (not particularly common in collies, but it does show up sometimes and it is a nasty disease)

MDR1 - double copies! this is a recessive gene and kep is mutant/mutant, aka he carries both copies which makes him clinically affected. this is common in collies, as about 60-70% of collies have at least one copy. the good news is this just means we have to avoid/take smaller doses of certain medications and he otherwise shouldn't be impacted by it at all. also his breeder already tested him for this so i already was aware.

CEA - single copy! this is also a recessive gene, which means that kep is not affected/normal-eyed, which is actually pretty uncommon! it's estimated that between 70-85% of collies are affected by CEA (yes, the gene literally called collie eye is common in collies. wow.). i also was already aware of this since he was already tested (worth mentioning that if you buy a collie puppy in the US, a screening by an ophthalmologist to check for CEA is required by the breed club).

and then the plot twist:

embark tells me "oh hey, btw, there's two other genes you should know about"

"your dog has one copy of the gene for accumulating copper toxicosis"

fucking what

so yeah, after a lot of reading into this: there's a gene called ATP7B that's almost exclusively found in labradors, goldens, and dobermans which affects a dog's ability to filter out copper. excessive amounts of copper start to build up in the liver, and if it gets to be too much it can cause liver disease, failure, and neurological problems. remember when we talked about white and white-factored dogs, several thousands words ago? ATP7B is also an incomplete dominant gene - one copy affects the dog a little, two copies affects a lot. kep has one copy, which in theory means he is at no risk, mild risk, or moderate risk of developing copper storage disease in his life. not devastating, but not ideal.

the plot thickens!

kep also tested positive for the gene called ATP7A, which as far as i can tell is like the exact opposite of ATP7B (i know, the names suck). see, ATP7B causes copper to accumulate. but ATP7A has been shown to cause a copper deficiency. it's also incompletely dominant, so one copy impacts a little, and two copies (should) impact a lot - and kep has both copies of ATP7A.

so: kep has one of the "too much copper" genes... but he has also two of the "too few copper" genes. and studies seem to suggest that the two genes have a neutralizing effect on each other if they're both present in one dog - basically, they cancel each other out.

there's a handful of studies looking at the effects of these genes on dogs, but they basically exclusively focus on labradors and dobermans - one UC davis study even suggested that these genes might not even have an effect on other breeds. i could find absolutely no literature about these genes in collies, or even in herding breeds in general. embark helpfully added that they don't have enough data on this gene in other breeds to claim if they had any effect. the genes also appear to be sex-linked, and affect females moreso than males. one study on labradors suggested that although many dogs tested were carriers of ATP7B, few dogs were clinically affected, which would say that perhaps its not uncommon for dogs with only one copy to not be impacted.

(i'm also wondering if perhaps this could be the case for kep - given that he has 2 copies of ATP7A, he had to inherit one from each parent. given that these genes aren't regularly tested for in collies, is it possible that some lines carry them and are just clinically unaffected? it may be entirely incidental.)

so essentially, he does have one gene that may be nothing, or may cause mild-moderate issues as an older adult/senior. he also has two copies of that gene's natural neutralizer, and is male, and comes from clinically unaffected dogs. so... i think in retrospect, it's something to note on his chart and keep an eye on, but the odds seem to be very stacked in the favor of him either not being affected, or having only mild affects later down the line. could be a nothingburger, might be a little-somethingburger, unlikely to be a seriousburger.

that being said: i am VERY glad i decided to do this test! obviously i knew what breed he was, and his breeder had already tested him for the most collie-relevant conditions, so this was done on more of a whim, but it turned up this potentially important result that i now know to investigate. you'll hear a lot about how breeders who just do embark, or pawprints, or etc aren't doing complete genetic testing, because so many of the diseases these tests screen for aren't breed-relevant and lots of other conditions aren't testable. which is true. 265 genes and only 4 are considered for collies! but once in a blue moon, one of those random other genes will indeed flag, as is the case here.

so yeah: very interesting results! breed, COI, relatives, color, and most of the health is exactly as expected. but boy that one little health bit really threw me for a loop.

[nekropsii]

♤crotuna is double awful to me as a mituna liker and also guy who is obsesessed with troll society. like thats not how kismessitude works its a rivalry you cant just put to people who dont like each other together and call it pitch. can anyone hear me. its so dark in here.

ALSO when people act like cronus couldnt abuse mituna if they were in spades... KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. did everyone just forget about terezi and gsmzee???

Pitch is Rivalry, yeah. Competitive Self Betterment. A lot of people seem to forget some genuine affection is necessary for BlackRom to work out and that there's clear distinction between "BlackRom" and "Just Hating Someone". The reason they can get so intense is because you care about the other party. It's a hell of a lot easier to get mad at something if you care about it, either because you love that thing or because it's negatively impacting something you love. It's why politics get people so up in arms. Politics inherently spell out who you do and do not care for the lives and rights of, and if that steps on groups that represent people that others care about a lot, they're going to get angry. Because... Duh.

Abusive Kismesissitudes are real and extremely possible, and I hate when people act like "Abuse" and "Kismesissitude" are either synonymous or completely exclusive of each other. Gamzee and Terezi were directly addressed as being in an Abusive Kismesissitude. There was a whole damn arc about it. Confronting the fact that it was an Abusive Kismesissitude was done in plain terms and on screen. It's pretty clearly spelled out.

So, yeah, fully agree. Pitch CroTuna is not fucking real and it never will be, because Cronus does not love Mituna and Mituna does not love him, and they're not in a god damned Quadrant. Cronus is explicitly just Mituna's abuser, and while this does involve Cronus sexually assaulting him, the mere presence of Mituna getting assaulted does not at all equate to either of them having feelings for each other, and if you so much as imply anything near contrary to that point, you are a sick fuck and should get hit by a car. Cronus does not care about Mituna. He cares about the fact that he can take advantage of the fact that he's a very vulnerable target that people will not listen to if he tries to speak up about the fact that he is getting abused. Cronus says that directly. He admits to it, in plain terms!

This is not shipping material, this is explicitly, textually someone experiencing extreme violence and bigotry at the hands of a man who does not care for the rights, happiness, consent, lives, and bodily autonomy of other people. This is explicitly someone getting intentionally targeted and abused because they are a vulnerable, oppressed minority group and the abuser feels confident they can get away with the abuse. Cronus has openly admitted to wishing that "culling meant what it should mean on Beforus", meaning making Alternian Culling methods - which is literal eugenics - the standard, so that he could kill Mituna for the crime of being disabled and get away with it. Nothing Cronus has ever said to Mituna even verges on Pitch Flirting. Not even close. It's just raw, unfiltered violent abuse and hatred.

If one is going to fetishize or romanticize abuse, at least own up to it. Don't try to warp canon just to soften and blur the edges. Don't get coy. Be straightforward and tag + talk about it appropriately, like an adult. Because if you're pairing Cronus and Mituna together, you are not writing a Pitch Relationship, you are writing Extreme Abuse. This shit isn't consensual, and the playing field is NOT even. Do not pretend like it is. Do not get coy. Be honest.