#this is a scream into the void don't read unless you want to

[aretrothing]

.

[kaahgyuya]

"look at you, how miserable."

◇ Scaramouche technically fcking u tbh

Dom! Scaramouche x Subfem! Reader

Stuff: oral sex, u have a praise kink idk and reader is shorter/smaller(ig) than Scara

Warning: do not read unless you are 16 and over [at least recommended can't stop u ig]

You were hopeless as Scaramouche was towering over you, he was kabedoning you.

You gleamed at his eyes as they shown nothingness but void and lust.

The room was hot and warm, he had held your two hands above your head and he was too strong for you to be able to kick him off and run. You were terrified of what he was going to do.

"U-um, Scaramouche..?" You said blushing intensely.

His free hand lifted up your chin.

"I want you, ____." He said deeply.

"What?"

"I want you." He furrowed his eyebrows and he released your hands and he leaned his head on your neck. He hugged your waist and you hugged him back.

As soon as your hands were on his back he bit you, and you could feel the pressure of the heat of his breathing.

"Scara!" You yelped in pain.

An airy chuckle came from Scaramouche as he massaged your boob.

You squirmed in his arms as he hugged you harder and you could feel his crotch harden. You blushed in embarrassment.

You whined at the moment aswell knowing he was trailing his hand under your undergarments as he was teasing you.

"You're mine, ____. I've longed you for so long, I can't hold back." He looked at you with deep glittery lustful eyes.

He played with your clit as you moaned in his shoulder.

"You're doing so well, why not for a reward?"

"Huh?"

He pushed you on the nearby bed and threw your clothes somewhere on the floor.

"Scaramouch–"

"I need you." Scaramouche leaned on you and placed soft kisses and sucked your skin until it left a dark purple mark.

You tried to push him off but your energy became even lower as he played with your clit. He played you so well, he knows your sweet spots and where you're so vulnerable you pass out.

You felt tears forming at the sided of your eyes as he stopped.

You sighed in response kind of disappointed but when you opened your eyes he was striping off his clothes.

"Scar—" before you can even say his name, he pinned you against the bed and he kissed you. He explored your mouth letting you moan inside him.

"You're so pretty like this." He complimented.

He continued his work as he opened your left leg for him.

He left your clit and he inserted his dick inside of you.

You flinched at the unsudden moment as he put your thighs around his waist and he thrusted himself in you.

You moaned as you felt pleasure but pain at the same time.

"Getting all worked up already? The fun just started, ____. You're so cute." He chuckled as the wet slapping noises and your moaning dreaded the room.

"Sc-ara ngh, no-ws n-not the- time..—"

He grabbed your waists and pulled you further which made you scream him name.

The fact that he wasn't human scared you, he could go farther than your limits.

Scaramouche panted and he moved his right hand to grip your thigh.

Scaramouche circled your clit as you felt so much pleasure.

"All you have to do, is keep your pretty eyes open."

You felt Scaramouche go faster as your mind was literally going crazy and you wanted to pass out right then and there.

"I'm close." Scaramouche said.

"Uh huh–!" You said tiredly.

He thrusted faster and faster.

"You're such a good girl aren't you, ____?"

"I b–besft I amf‐!" You muffled your mouth with your hand as Scaramouche lifted it off and pinned your hands.

"Don't be embarrassed love, we're just getting started."

"Y-yo–u're too g-good at thihis—!!" You moaned between your sentences and his free hand cupped your boob as he played with it.

"You feel so good." He chuckled as he did his last thrust which made you moan loudly.

He paused for a second or two.

"You're so rough.. with this.." you said tiredly.

"Who said we were done yet?"

You looked at him as he thrusted into you.

You screamed as your legs twitched.

You can see his dick sticking out of your stomach and it felt so good you were moaning and shaking uncontrollably.

You felt like you were about to pass out, but if you did he would literally fuck you in the morning aswell as a "punishment"

"You feel so fucking good.." Scara groaned.

You knew you two wouldn't stop for awhile so you wanted to sleep already but he wasn't even satisfied.

He thrusted faster as your moans went higher pitched and technically screaming.

He placed a kiss on your tit as he thrusted faster and faster.

Without warning, he came into you.

"You're.. gonna refgret 'his.."

"Oh really?" He laughed.

You got up weakly but he stopped you and placed you in his lap on the edge of the bed.

"Be a good girl." He inserted his dick white covered dick in as he trailed his hands to your ass and made you twitch.

"Isn't thi—"

He made you thrust into him as you were technically a fucking toy for him.

He placed his face in your tits as you felt your face go red from his soft warm breathing.

"You better not pass out." He laughed again.

He grabbed your waists and made you go faster.

"Scaara—!?"

You gasped for air and moaned.

"Look at you, how miserable that you can't do anything but just be my little slut for me."

"Sh—UT ufp!!"

The room was filled with Scaramouches panting, you moaning his name and the skin between you slapping.

"Im—!" Scaramouche came into you as you collapsed on him.

"You're so weak and vulnerable for me aren't you?" Scaramouche laughed.

"eehhsbb..... yorurs fso stupfd...!" You said weakly.

"There there, I'll help you get cleaned up and we'll go to sleep."

"I donft everf wantf toeh havef sexgf... agahin..."

"Next time I'll go max my limit Scaramouche teased."

"Nooooo...."

He took out his cock and if was covered in your white sticky substance.

"hhhnnnn....." you closed your eyes as you fell sound asleep.

"I love you, ____." Scaramouche mumbled.

Next morning

You woke up in Scaramouches clothes still being so tired from last night.

You sat up and got out of bed but Scaramouche yanked you back in bed.

"Stay.." scaramouche leaned his head on your shoulder as he hugged you from behind.

"Okay.." you said tiredly.

You crawled back in bed as tou felt Scaramouche trail his hand on your thigh.

You felt him grab your bra-less breast and squish it.

"Scara...." you stared at him as he looked at you.

"Pleaseeeeee...." Scaramouche begged.

"Okay fine!"

little did you know to this day you've come to regret it.

[cemeteryspider]

Haunting Memories

The same universe as: The Shadow's Redemption, you don't need to read it before this fic, but it might be helpful.

Platonic! X-Men x New X-Men! Reader

Nightcrawler! Kurt Wagner x Necromancer! Reader

Summary: Sinister still plagues your conscious and unconscious moments, Jean and Kurt help you regain control over your dreams.

Trigger Warnings: Nightmares, Traumatic Memories, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Violence, Death (Sort of), Supernatural Elements, and Telepathic Invasion

Word Count: 1556

Your dreams never seemed to be pleasant. Your dreams were a haunting mix of fragmented memories from before Mister Sinister and harrowing nightmares of the years under his control. Sometimes Logan and Storm would stand outside your door while Kurt held you when you cried. When Kurt wasn't availableLogan was a steadfast presence, mentally listing the many ways he'd kill Sinister while Storm held you, offering her shoulder as a safe haven for your tears.

You knew Jean and the Professor knew about your dreams, but they never pressured you into asking for help. You were healing on your own time, and surely you would come to them if you felt you needed to. Except that didn't happen.

~~~

'No need to worry, you're home now,' Sinister stroked your hair as you lay frozen on the mattress on the floor of your old room.

"No," You mumbled, trying desperately to regain control of your limbs, but the harder you tried the more trapped you felt.

'Oh darling, no need to get upset, you know I forgive you for running away, after all, you led me right to my enemies,' He laughed at the look of utter confusion on your face, 'Don't tell me you've forgotten already, here let me show you.'

Sinister's cold hands gripped your face, forcing you to look at the side of the room where the lifeless bodies of your friends lay, 'See no need to worry about anyone trying to take you away.'

You were looking at the lifeless corpses of your friends, of your boyfriend, of people you thought of as siblings. You tried to scream but nothing came out.

Just when things looked to be at their lowest their spirits appeared in front of you.

Wolverine looked at you with such disdain, 'I trusted you, Bub.'

Storm looked down at you with such apathy, 'To think I thought of you as a sister.'

One by one they appeared to berate you. Cyclops and his disgust with you that stayed despite the lack of mind control turned downright cruel, Gambit and his usually friendly demeanor turned angry, and Jubilee, your best friend, looked at you with a hostility you had never seen on her face before today. Still more appeared in front of you Morph, Jean, Magneto, Dazzler, Bishop, Cable,... it just kept going.

Lastly, Kurt appeared in front of you, 'I wish we had never met, Liebling'

Sinister's laugh punctuated your gasping shallow breaths and you squeezed your eyes closed. Still, the laughter continued and the angry comments assaulted your ears.

'See, Professor, we shouldn't have let them in'

'Can't do anything right'

'They're just as bad as he is'

'Useless'

'Cowardly'

You just sobbed through the comments and the laughter hoping that they would end soon.

~~~

'My X-Men, evacuate the children, it is not safe in the mansion at this moment. Jean, Wolverine, Jubilee, I need you here with me,' Your mind was swirling with anguish and thoughts Charles didn't want anyone to see unless completely necessary, and right now it seemed it was.

Your eyes, black voids of despair, unleashed dark tendrils from your mouth and legs, while vengeful spirits gnashed and thrashed, preventing anyone from approaching you and Kurt. He was holding you in his arms, and trying to get you out of whatever trance you were stuck in.

"Professor, what's going on?" Jubilee asked.

"There is no time to explain, Jubilee makes sure nobody comes into this hallway, it is unsafe for the children. Wolverine you are coming with me to Cerebro, you will try to get through to them, and if need be protect me from spirits should they come. Nightcrawler, you get Jean close, and again try to get through to them. Jean, you need to try to get through to them. I will try to break down some of the barriers Sinister put in their mind, and you will put up the scaffolding to keep him out of good."

They all knew their assignments well and soon enough the plan was in motion. Quickly Kurt zapped from his position behind you to grab Jean and get her inside your circle of undead souls.

Jean gently placed her fingertips on your temples, her touch warm and reassuring as she delicately breached the barriers of your mind, something she had been waiting to explore until you gave her permission. However, these were extenuating circumstances.

~~~

Your eyes were shut tight not allowing any of the red-tinged light into your retinas.

'Y/n it's me, Jean. Can you hear me,' You tried desperately to ignore the sound of her voice, you had been fooled by Sinister many times before and you would not be tricked so easily this time around, 'Please, it's me, I'm here to help you.'

They got better with every nightmare you faced. More realistic, more like you remember them. You shut your eyes tighter and tried to keep out these manifestations of your former friends.

‘Kurt’s here,’ Jean’s voice was soft, almost tender. ‘He wants to talk to you, to hold you in his arms.’ That was new, Sinister shouldn't know about Kurt, let alone your relationship with him.

You felt something touch your arm, but it wasn't Sinister. It was more gentle, more caring than he could ever be, 'Liebe, it is me. Truly me. I know you've been fighting these battles alone, but I am here trust me. Let Jean in.'

You opened your eyes, and Sinister was frozen. The person in front of you was Kurt. All of the spirits of your friends had vanished, and all that was left were Jean and Kurt.

You threw yourself into his arms, only realizing after you did it you were able to move again.

"Kurt, please help me, I'm scared and I don't know what to do," The word scared came out of your mouth, but the main feeling you had was rage.

'Trust in Jean, and then you can help yourself,' He held your hand in his as Jean walked over to the two of you.

'You have let me in. I can put supports in place in your mind, and help you block him out. You wouldn't have these nightmares where he is in control of them. Just open your mind,' You leaned further into Kurt and he looked into your eyes.

'She will not hurt you like he has,' You looked into his eyes and saw they were wide with sincerity.

For a brief moment you could see Sinister move you out of the corner of your eye, 'You will never be rid of me, I am in everything you do. Every movement, every thought, and every emotion you have ever and will ever have has me in it.'

You took Jean's hands in yours and closed your eyes. Your shoulders tightened and your toes curled waiting for the cold entrance of a telepath in your mind, but it never came. Instead, Jean's mind felt like a warm summer day.

You felt her drift through different memories you thought you had lost to Mister Sinister. You might not be able to access them now, but just knowing they were there gave you a level of comfort you were scared you would never get back.

She started making walls that shielded your mind. Helped keep unwanted intruders out, and allows your mind to heal. The tension seeped out of your body as Sinister slowly disappeared from the scene.

'You know I will always come back... I made yo....,'

"No, I made me," You grasped his head in your hands, "You just stood in my way."

With a surge of righteous anger, you squeezed until his head disintegrated into a cloud of silver and red dust, a symbolic release of your pent-up rage.

With that, he was gone. Just like that.

'Come back to me, Liebe, wake up'

~~~

You blinked the sleep out of your eyes and allowed them to adjust to the darkness you found yourself in.

"Kurt?"

Something poofed beside you and you felt a pair of arms wrap around you, "You did so well, Liebe, I am so proud of you."

His arms squeezed around you and you could barely manage to speak, "Why's it dark."

"Oh, heh, you may have knocked the power out with how many spirits you were summoning. Also, your darkness was swallowing the light whole."

A warmth spread across your cheeks, "Sorry, bout that."

Kurt cupped your face gently, his eyes full of warmth and relief. 'There’s nothing to be sorry for, Liebe. You’re safe now, and that’s all that matters.'

It took a few minutes for Jubilee, Wolverine, and the professor to enter the room, armed with flashlights and tentative movements. Once seeing you without any spirits to rip apart anyone who came close to you, Jubilee ran towards you. Kurt poofed out of the way of the hug and Jubilee put her arms around your neck.

"Jeez, you scared us! I was so worried about you!," She took this moment to pull away a little and smack you on the shoulder.

"Ow," You said, rubbing the spot on your arm that she barely hit.

"Don't scare us like that again!"

You looked to Jean who was just now getting over to you, "I don't think anything like that will happen anytime soon."

[stilljuststardust]

Tools for emotional regulation

This is specifically things I do for end of day decompression. I take an hour and I do different things off this list till I'm relaxed.

I understand that alot of these are "basic" but it's less about what you do and more so about taking time to care for yourself and ne present in your body in ways that feel safe.

I've broken this down in to categories of self soothing.

Environment

A calming environment is beneficial for obvious reasons so here's things I do to feel more safe in mine.

1. Turn off over head lights and uses LEDs, candles, or lamps instead

2. Noise cancelling headphones

3. Phone off

4. Christmas lights for some reason

5. Someplace to sit that isn't your bed (you can put pillows and blankets on the floor if need be)

6. I usually cleanse (witchy, may not be your thing)

7. Protection spells on your room specifically (witchy, may not be your thing)

8. Stuffies

Stimming

If you don't know what stimming is it's stimulating your senses as a form of self soothing. It's ok to move your body in "weird" ways, make odd sounds, or look for sensory experiences you find comforting. Nobody is watching, there's no one around to judge you release the feelings! I usually windmill my arms, rock back and forth, hum/sing, jump, etc. Anything you want.

It's actually really important to set aside time for stimming! You don't realize how important it is until you do it! It's scientifically proven to be harmful (particularly for autistic people) not to stim. It's really hard to unlearn suppressing it, so giving yourself a safe place to do so where you don't have to worry about what people think is important.

Sensory Seeking

Using tastes, textures, sounds, and visuals you like as a tool for self soothing is extremely powerful. This can look like so many things. I personally use perfume. I find certain scents incredibly calming and when I have them on I take deeper breaths because of them so it's a win win.

Other sensory examples:

1. use slime/clay

2. Touch fabrics you enjoy (like ultra soft blankets)

3. Listen to soothing sounds like music, rain, or ASMR

4. Drink a hot drink like tea or hot cocoa

5. Take a warm shower

6. Heating pads

7. Compression (weighted blankets/stuffies work great)

8. Stim boards

Clear mind

Sometimes you just need to get your feelings out. Having an outlet where you just express how you feel without worrying how it's perceived is important!

1. Journal (it's important to write like no one will read it cause they won't, unless someone will lol)

2. Sit outside or by a window

3. Write your doubts on toilet paper then fucking flush that shit to the sewers where it belongs.

4. Draw your feelings

5. Scribble non sensically

6. Scream into the void

Inner child time

It's time to kick internalized shame to the curb. What does your inner child want right now? If you were a kid again what would you do? It isn't wrong to do things you would've loved as a kid. It's important actually. What can you now do that you wish you could've done as a kid?

This one is incredibly individual cause I don't know what your inner child wants I'm just giving out ideas.

1. Play with slime, clay, kinetic sand, or play doh

2. Draw

3. Play with toys (have no shame)

4. Color

5. Legos

6. Read

7. Write a story

8. Make a "potion" (don't mix chemicals though)

9. Play with shaving cream I know you want to

10. Build a fort

11. Fluffy pajamas

12. Dance

13. Preform for stuffed animals

14. Barbie soap opera

15. Rewatch comfort shows

[the-corvus-luna]

The Tsubasa Chronicle 'Problem'

No eye, no heart, no time, no feathers, and..... no show.

It's April 9th, 2005, 6:30 p.m. BLAZE blares loudly on the TV while you sit in a dimly lit room, slurping whatever instant ramen you could find. You catch the faint silhouettes of familiar characters from Cardcaptor Sakura, looking a bit older, along with a few new faces you don't recognize yet... a new journey, a new world.

CLAMP's Multidimensional Masterpiece.

The legendary Yuki Kajiura's compositions bring the story to life. "Song of Storm and Fire" sparks that electric feeling of excitement and tension just before Syaoran kicks into battle. Eri Itou’s breathy voice floats delicately, much like Sakura’s own feathers, adding a sense of ethereal beauty. The animation is fluid and action-packed, just as you'd expect from Bee Train.

What the hell happened? How did an internationally successful anime with 2 seasons, 1 movie, and 2 OVA's that leave the story incomplete.... what the hell?!

To find out to get the full story, you have to read the manga?!

Was it just bad like this guy's review suggests?

Is it really... a bad... anime?

Let's go on a journey about how censorship ruins everything, a broadcasting company's unreasonable demands, and a group of stubborn artists who refuse to have their story modified.

First off, based on my basic research, Japanese TV shows don't have to comply with rating laws like in the US. Before any US show airs, you usually see a rating in the top left corner—common ones for kids’ shows are Y7, meaning they’re appropriate for children 7 years or older. The US rating for Tsubasa Chronicle was TV-PG. But if you know anything about this series, it’s definitely not TV-PG... more like TV-14, and maybe even TV-MA at certain points, depending on your tolerance for darker themes.

Tsubasa Chronicle originally showed on NHK-E, an educational channel, alongside a retelling of Hans Christian Andersen's The Snow Queen...

While Japan might not have a formal TV rating system, it’s probably safe to assume that NHK would prioritize age-appropriate content. Ultimately, it’s NHK’s decision what airs on their network. For example, Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (which, unsurprisingly, isn’t shown on any NHK network) airs around 11:00 p.m. The later time slot allows for more graphic content without much concern.

I can hear you screaming from the void, "TSUBASA CHRONICLE ISN'T EDUCATIONAL!" And honestly, if you’ve watched the anime, it’s not educational in the traditional sense... unless you count four people learning how to cope with massive amounts of trauma in various forms.

But Cardcaptor Sakura was kid-friendly… and someone who looks just like her stars in Tsubasa.

Magic Knight Rayearth was so educational it's anime was funded by a government grant!

I think NHK was expecting them to adapt the anime to be more 'educationally friendly' due to other properties they worked on... joke's on NHK, though.

The first issue I remember hearing was how NHK wanted to censor all alcohol references from Tsubasa.

From this interview from 2005 at around the 9:30 mark, we get to have a rare look at their art studio/research library and most important, the bar. Alcohol is a part of their creative process, and based on the KyotoHoLiC collaboration with traditional sake brewers, it means they have no intention to hide their passion for relaxation... not for NHK or anyone.

Second issue, graphic imagery. When the anime came out, the manga was only to volume chapter 66 - chapter 73 (Tsubasa Onmibus Vol 4)...literally 3 pages into the next chapter is the start of the graphic imagery that eventually leads into violent fights, lots of blood, and death by the end of the series. That's assuming that NHK didn't get a sneak peak at what the story was going to become.

For people who've read the Omnibus, to goes from Piffle World to Recourt to the 'Acid Wasteland'... quite the tone shift when NHK picked up this anime for a kid friendly educational show.

That's why Tsubasa Chronicle was canceled, or at least my general theory. Sadly there's no official reason for the cancelation. CLAMP did run Kobato on NHK-E in 2009, so the censorship and eventual cancelation didn't not burn the bridge between them.

Sadly, NHK did cancel a show that was not only getting a following internationally but also had it's own international merchandise sold at retailers! I will always treasure my US Mokona Modoki Soel plush, matching backpack, and Fai's Staff necklace.

Don't forget, even Gaia Online even had a huge promotional event where players had to track down Sakura's feathers alongside other promotional events such as Magic the Gathering and Hollywood produced movies... and that was in 2007, after the anime series was already cancelled, never able to reach the conclusion.

Do yourself a favor and I'd suggest reading this manga if you loved the anime back in the day, but know that the lighthearted whimsy and sweetness of the anime is a palate cleanser for what NHK deemed they could not put on TV.

I found an unsubstantiated rumor on the fandom page about how the S2 opening was already storyboarded in Character Guide Vol 2., but NHK made them re-do it. I'm trying to track down that PDF so figure out what they cut, but it's a difficult one to find.

I did find a short of someone thumbing through their Japanese copy.

Holy shit! That's the scene in CLAMP in Wonderland 2 that's eluded to, but we never see play out in the anime. NHK made them get rid of their weapons for boxing with shadows? I guess Sakura's image also had to be 'softened' too. Ick.

[psychicsolanum]

TUA S4 SPOILERS

I have so many thoughts after finishing it.

yet I feel so empty lmao.

I'm gonna put my disorganised rambles under a read more if anyone is interested and/or wants to scream with me about it

umbrella academy is one of, if not, my favourite show ever made for its storytelling and unique art direction yes, but mainly its characters and their dynamic, like everyone who loves this show.

i love the fluffy sibling relationships and how their trauma affects how they live and behave with one another. everything is built off of the characters!! it's never revolved around love interests unless it made sense and I really loved that. patch (mostly), dave, ray, lila and even Delores tied into the main cast's arcs and pushed the plot forward in a way that I thought was really satisfying and didn't take away too much from the family dynamics that the show focuses on.

so why did they choose these random romantic relationships this season to focus on? I thought the twist about Ben's death was actually great and unexpected personally, (and i loved seeing the kids go out on a mission; i always wanted more flashbacks to their childhood) but to boil it down to a virus that made him fall in love with someone he just met? that's so boring and so unlike anything they've done before imo!

also what happened to sloane lmao. I know basically nothing about behind the scenes stuff but what was the point of having her and Luther get together last season if they had no plans, I'm guessing they must have and the actress didn't come back?

and I feel like hargreeves' grand plan that caused everything in this show to happen feels so anticlimactic now. I mean I guess it literally meant nothing now. this feels like life is strange all over again but worse lol.

Klaus! thank god he exists in this series. what a breath of fresh air any time he was on screen. i never thought i'd be so relieved they threw him into another side quest lmao thank god he wasnt burdened by the main plot too much. I don't mean to say I'm completely happy with what they did with him, they started this arc of like, not letting his powers define him and finish his transformation that he's been continuously going through since s1, but because the show ends with everyone killing themselves it just kind of fizzles out? still love him and his careless whimsy, i thought the way he got his powers back and the scene following it was really good. as always wish they explored it moreeeeeee ughhhhh. Omg they never did anything more with the void or God either. I loved that stuff :(((((((((((

I cant even think about the five and lila stuff without getting mad so I'm just gonna say: fuck you for that. what the fuck were you thinking. why. why. why. in my head five is aroace and moves on with his life, maybe takes up golfing idk. who cares. anything else. HE LITERALLY SAID "I WANNA FUCKING KILL HIM" ABOUT DIEGO IN THE LAST EPISODE?!?!?!?!? and he hid the way home to her children from her for months???? I like the very end of the plotline where it explained founder five, very Loki, but that could have been accomplished without the 7 year romance...............

I think the 6 year time jump reallllyyyyy did not help this season at all. it just led to all the conflict with Allison being resolved instantly and her only story being the one klaus is living with. also wtf was going on with her powers why did they just give her telekinesis thats way more boring than her rumours! I like the tiny bits we got with klaus and allison but it was so short! with the time jump we missed so much development, most of them feel like completely different characters for no real reason. the only thing we know about luther is that he became a stripper, and viktor owns a bar in canada i guess??? these guys were most of the main plot in season 1 and they were so one dimentional this season. i feel like we barely got to get to know Claire or Diego and lilas kids which would be fine if the rest of the plot going on with the other characters was good and engaging, which i felt it wasn't. I don't even know the kids names apart from Grace, which is very cute ill give them that.

The show ended with the main cast doing a group suicide. ceasing to exist. none of them getting to heal.

I'm sorry I don't want to be a hater and I really do hope that some people loved this season but im just so sad lol. i liked the first couple eps and I really love these characters, judging by twitter I'm not alone in my disappointment though lmao. what was the potential s5 gonna look like?!?!?

I loved klaus and Allison a lot and we got little snippets of greatness, I want a spinoff of them now!!!!!!!

I'm excited to hear other people's opinions, maybe I'll see other perspectives and feel a little better haha.

klaus 4ever 🖤☂️🖤

[piracytheorist]

During Jump Festa, unfortunately there was no announcement regarding when they will release sxf season 3.

Maybe it's to give Endo more time to develop the manga. Or (I heard) that one of the studio (WIT) has to do other project first.

With the release of season 3 still being uncertain, will you not join us to binge read the manga???

Come come join us to the dark side.... 😈😈😈 (joking).

I SHALL NOT BREAK NOR GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION!!

All joking aside, I doubt it'll take longer than a year to release season 3. Calculating by the rough number of manga chapters I know have been released, they have more than enough to do one 12-episode season while Endo develops the manga during 2024. And even if Endo takes a (well deserved) long break, they can still release season 3 in fall of 2024 and then see if they have enough manga content to adapt to another 12-episode season in fall of 2025. I mean, the content for season 3 is practically already there. What's stopping them from working on it now?

Considering the success of Spy x Family, I would be surprised if WIT Studios decided to work on another project. They practically have most of the script and storyboards ideas for season 3 ready in the form of the manga chapters, season 2 has been doing great, sxf in general is selling like crazy, why put it in the background when it's pretty much a guaranteed success?

Unless they want to put more work in animating it, which would be awesome. I would totally wait longer if that's the case (while kicking and screaming internally, but that's my business).

Since the movie is just about to come out, maybe they thought it would be better to announce season 3 after the movie is out? I mean, last season ended with just an announcement for the movie and a "2023" as a "release date" for season 2, with teases for the bullet-in-butt date and the cruise arc. We knew absolutely nothing before that (us mere mortals anime onlys who don't brave far into the internet, at least) so I'm not surprised they didn't say anything yet. I hope we get an official announcement as the last episode airs... and maybe a couple teases for the next season?? 👀👀

I want to hope my resolve won't break during the hiatus. Last time was difficult, and I did give in that one (1) time, but this time I've got a more fulfilling job, more things to spend time on, and more ideas for crack recaps. Maybe doing one crack recap per week will help fill the void, lol! So I think I will manage. Besides, I'm not really a binge enjoyer (the fact that I binge-watched the first cour of first season in about six hours notwithstanding) so it will feel super weird now if I binge all those chapters and then have to wait two weeks for what I've been used to seeing as half an episode. Even though the anime comes in small packs of episodes and not as often as I'd like, I like the pace of it.

[pookapufferfish]

Maybe I should rest, take it easy y'know

Just kinda stop everything for a bit

I wish my brain could be turned off and on again

Would probably fix a lot

Wish I could convey how I am feeling. Or more like, why am I feeling a certain way. People say I can talk to them about it, but what do I say

I wish seeing people or certain things didn't make me upset, I was actively thinking the other day "I wish I didn't have to see notifications from this person but I don't want to block them because they are a friend, I wish there was like, a one sided block that just hides them from you but not you from them"

Who even thinks that about their friends

I can't even talk to them about it because what do I say, they have probably been through stuff already, I don't want to make their day bad by going "hey friend, I feel like garbage when I see you. I keep trying to get better but I feel like I am moving backwards and now I am starting to go quiet when you are around."

I am scared to talk to them, maybe another day, or time. Or maybe the feeling will just go away.

Someone yelled at me today, I am not mad at them, I think they just had a bad day. But it was something I am kinda vulnerable about. They said sorry but I still feel off.

I feel like I am slow with things. I type slow, I move slow, I react slow. I feel like I slow others down. I am scared to play games with others unless I know the game well because I feel like I am just gonna slow them down or get left behind. And that sucks

I feel like I am out of the loop with a lot of stuff my friends do. And I feel like I can never get back into the loop because I will just get out of loop again. I am always a step behind. I am excluded from the silly inside joke. I am not a part of the fun exclusive group that I couldn't join because I was sleeping. And when I try to act chill and ask for more info or playful beg to join the group. They either ignore it or say that I had to be there. Or they explain why the group was made and "oh if you join next time then we can add you"

And "next time" sucks. Because when is next time, I live on the other side of the planet from a lot of friends. And the ones I don't have timezone differences with are the ones with the strangest sleep schedules or they are busy, or our schedules just don't align. And it hurts when I go to bed and I see friends all playing games together. And I wake up the next morning and people are laughing over all the fun that was had, all the silly jokes I missed, all the chaos. And when I talk about how I am sad I missed it "next time" they say.

As if they aren't gonna do another VC at 10pm my time. As if maybe I could join their game and not be left behind because they move too fast. As if I could be a part of their little groups.

I feel lonely, I feel like I am left out. Once I go back to school I will have no time at all to hang out with friends. But oh don't worry, this weekend we could hang out except no, because everyone is busy. And the cycle repeats.

And when I finally get to hang out with friends and have fun. I feel happy for a while. I feel loved and appreciated. But then I get weighed down, by seeing friends talking about stuff that I can never be a part of, because that stuff already happened, but hey always next time.

I am tired. I wish I could see some of my friends. I wish I could know them better. I wish I could be there for all the next times. I wish I could be happy hearing my friends happily talk about this dumb bit for the fifth time and trying to explain it to me over and over again. I wish I didn't have to cover parts of group artworks because seeing a certain design makes me feel like I am dying.

I want a hug, I need a nap. I have spent an hour writing this dumb ramble that nobody is going to read. It feels a bit cathartic though. Maybe this is how to show my feelings, but it feels too mean and raw.

I think screaming this into the void of the internet is fine, maybe everyone is right, maybe I do need therapy.

This post was just meant to be the first 2 lines, how did it become this mess

Anyways look at this cool dog, isn't he neat

[sl33paholics]

Dagger In My Heart

Yan!Josuke x black!fem reader

A/N: This will be written in a letter format

Warning(s): Implied stalking and violence

My dearest Y/N,

You've done something to me. Something that I can't even describe in words. It's like something is missing and it just won't leave my mind. There’s a hole in my life without you. A void that has been there since we met but has never been filled to its extent. My heart hurts a bunch, Y/N. I've never had someone with a unique personality such as you, I always wanted a girl just like you. You stand out from all of the girls in this school, in fact, any girl I've seen before.

Your eyes, hair, skin, body shape, everything about you screams ‘beautiful’, and yet you are one of the most stunning people in my whole world. Pretty young thing. You make me feel alive in every way possible, Y/N. It’s not just the physical parts, though they certainly play a part, it’s when you smile at me that makes my heart feel like it's going to burst. The way your lips curl into a smile, the way your eyes sparkle with happiness and excitement, you turned me into an animal in heat. I'm too scared to approach you.

Kinda ironic coming from me, the most popular boy in the whole building, I shouldn't have a problem walking up to you and snatching you up. But with my groupies following me around, it's difficult to have some privacy and get a chance to be around you.

Do you remember our first encounter? It was only six weeks ago and already my head is spinning with all sorts of possibilities. What if you were dating another guy? What if you thought of me as a fuckboy? What if you hated me? That last possibility made my stomach clench. But as time went on, my attraction to you grew stronger until I couldn't wait for the day when I could finally kiss your soft, pink lips.

I know everything about you. Favorite color, favorite food, music taste, types of clothing, I know it all.

Somehow, whenever you see me, you look like you've seen a ghost and quickly move away. Is it your friends? Those petty idiotic bitches? I've taken care of them. They won't bother you anymore, they won't bother US anymore. Those guy friends of yours? You don't even have to worry about sleeping with nightmares anymore.

By the time you're reading this letter, I expect you to come to the back of the school when clubs are in session when the sun goes down and everyone is having a good time and you'll find me. I'll take you inside, lock the doors, and then...you'll understand. I've been leaving letters to you non-stop, hoping against hope that you'd read them. I know you won't, that you'll think they're nothing but empty words. Words I wouldn't say unless it was very real. I'll tell you everything. Just come find me, love, wherever you go. However, I am done playing this one-sided game that's happening. I want you to be there. You wouldn't want your precious companions to get hurt all over a letter?

I just can't wait to see you.

You standing there oh so desperately waiting for my arrival,

Then I swoop you off your feet like a knight and you're my princess.

Our future is bound to be optimistic.

It's bound to be flawless.

I know it is because you're mine.

I will never let you go, no matter how hard it may seem now.

I'll always have you by my side and I'll always fend for you. I promise, baby.

See you soon,

Your future husband ♡

[letyukisayfuck]

hey!! i really like your blog and all of your thoughts about haruhi the franchise are so interesting but what I'm curious about is how do you feel about koizumi in general? you speak about him very rarely but he's my fav character and you're my fav tumblr account so far so i wanna hear it if you have something to say about him ahah

aaaaaa thank you! i'm glad people like my particular brand of nonsense and screaming loudly into what i initially thought was a void. gotta say, being called someone's favorite tumblr is an honor i never thought i would receive from anyone

so yeah, i mostly talk about koizumi on here to give him shit, but honestly that's partially because i find it funny that after mikuru gets promoted from being nothing more than the universe's punching bag he basically takes her place in terms of 'character that suffers for comedy' (see: random numbers and seven wonders in particular), and partially because the text gives us very little of him seemingly being genuine without some level of bullshit attached to it.

like i said yesterday, i don't dislike any of the brigade; koizumi would probably be classed as my least favorite, but it's not so much because i dislike him and more because he never gets the narrative focus that would bring him up to the same level as mikuru

we never really get something that eqates to love at first sight or the melancholy of mikuru asahina for koizumi, and certainly nothing on the level of disappearance or intrigues (which i would argue are the yuki and mikuru spotlight novels, respectively)

(melancholy and surprise i would class as haruhi spotlights, one before and one after her character development; and sigh i would class as 'establishing material that is necessary but not exactly fun to sift through for the most part')

i like to think if we ever get another long-form book it'll be koizumi-centric, mostly because i'd like to see him actually get to be a major player! it's getting a little sad to watch kyon hear him go "maybe i wanted to time travel" and just go "i mean what could koizumi possibly want from me"

but really, the only koizumi spotlight we have is the tempo loss bishop exchange--which, notably, while i take it as canon (as it was authorized) was not by tanigawa; if i remember right, it was instead written by sou sagara

i read a fan translation, as there's never been an official release and my relationship with the official haruhi translations is reasonably antagonistic on a good day, and i think it's worth noting that for the first page and a half i didn't think there would be a plot. i thought it was just koizumi's philosophical bullshit, novelized.

that said, it was really fun to read something from his perspective (kind of like how editor in chief gives us insight into yuki and mikuru via their writing styles; but more direct)

so, before i get into my own thoughts (which i believe i've touched on before), it's worth noting that while the entire cast of haruhi can be easily read a variety of ways, koizumi is arguably the easiest to do this with because we get so little to work with in terms of "things we know to be true"

things we know for sure are true about koizumi: north high student (presumably a teenager), esper, works for a mysterious organization, considered attractive/popular (unless i'm misremembering something), has explicitly stated that he's always putting on an act but has never clarified how much and in exactly what way, earnestly offers advice but often contradicts himself, claims to be able to read haruhi's mood/emotions/something along those lines, and (in the later books) has made a hobby out of trying to convince kyon to deal with his very obvious romantic feelings for haruhi

my own reading of koizumi is biased by my readings of other characters and their relationships/dynamics; and it's also specifically the one i think is the funniest option: koizumi has a thing for both kyon and haruhi, is aware that neither of them views him the same way (with haruhi viewing him solely as a subordinate and only really paying attention when he's saying things she wants to hear, and kyon seemingly regarding him as a friend as well as a source of useful information, but hardly even willing to acknowledge that fact most of the time)

and, since he has accepted that neither of them like him that way but they do very obviously like each other, he's decided that they should get over themselves and get together. unfortunately, kyon's strategy when he hears things he doesn't want to is pretend no one's said anything at all, and so koizumi's words go ignored

[akamaru01]

I have a desperate need to scream into the void or be validated for my frustration today and I'll put it under a read more

Took my car into the shop monday where they said it should be done by close. Did not hear back on Monday.

Called Tuesday morning, they said they had some issues and it should be done in time for me to go to work. I went in, they said they were having major issues and didnt know when it would be ready.

Got a call tuesday night saying issues continued and it SHOULD be done by 2pm today (Wednesday).

I'm not mad at the auto shop really, they're doing their best (i assume) and I was promised some sort of compensation although that hasnt been sorted yet.

I work as a delivery driver though, using my own car. I told my boss yesterday I wouldnt be in even though I thought I would, admittedly a bit late. I told her last night after my call that it should be ready this afternoon. Today is the day I usally work from 11am to almost 10pm as closer. She said I would need to bring in a reciept or note or whatever similar to a doctors note.

Two hours ago I texted her and all the drivers that I should get my car back today but idk so just in case could anyone cover. My fucking boss says that if no one covers I am still expected in at 2pm, despite the fact I dont have my car and after looking up prices for a rental car I would likely end up LOSING MONEY getting one to go to work. The ONLY reason to go into work at that point is For The Company/Boss. Which is bullshit.

The 2-5 is now covered but once again i have absolutely ZERO incentive to go into work today UNLESS i get my cat back.

Like jesus christ my boss is being unreasonable right?????? Am i wrong???

Additional note: She fucking sorta snapped at me in the group text saying it's hard to find someone to cover when i never cover for anyone else WHICH IS A FUCKING LIE. Like i don't do it often but I have covered for people before.

I was SO CLOSE to getting into an argument with her right there being like "Bitch I dont have my car and a rental isnt worth it and i HAVE covered for people what the fuck more do you want from me"

Needless to say we'll see if I still have this job by the end of the week

[dhampiravidi]

my review of deadpool & wolverine

spoilers under the cut!

Overall, I liked it. I'll give it a 7/10.

OK so, I didn't make it through ANY of the Deadpool films w/o falling asleep & not bc I'm narcoleptic. I just got bored, which SUCKS bc Wade's my favorite Marvel character (at least in the comics/other media). I had hopes for this movie only bc of the lead actors' commitment to their characters & bc putting them in what's essentially a buddy cop movie was smart as fuck. At the same time...the MCU hasn't put out a satisfactory movie (aka 1 w/o plot holes or simply disappointing bits) since...maybe Winter Soldier? Eh, I don't remember. ANYWAY!

Considering that I didn't really see Deadpool 3, it was fairly easy for me to understand the beginning. Yes, I was a little confused at first, because I didn't know that he time-traveled & ALSO hopped universes...but I figured it out eventually. I like that they made his motivations 1) saving his found family & 2) wanting to do something worthwhile. That being said, I never wanted Deadpool to have a love interest unless it was maybe Shiklah or Lady Deadpool bc they actually DO "match his crazy" & they're interesting on their own. I also didn't know who "Pete" was until I looked him up, bc MCU!Pete isn't the same as comics!Pete. I'm used to poor fucking Bob from HYDRA 😅

Onto more plot...I knew as soon as that guy introduced himself as "Mr. Paradox", he'd be evil, bc the whole point of time is that you don't want paradoxes (if that wasn't clear). I got confused thinking that Wade was from a different universe than Logan* SO that made me think Wade was his own timeline's anchor being...yeah I realized that wouldn't make sense. The fight scene w/the TVA people was a little long but satisfying, at least in that it was as bloody & creative as a Deadpool fight scene should be.

I got worried when they mentioned The Void, bc I only made it through a few episodes of Loki before I got bored & confused. I can keep comic timelines straight if you let me read through & get to know each Earth individually, but not the way the MCU deals out timeline lore. HOWEVER, it was decent! I already knew about the Johnny cameo (stupid headline spoiler) but I was happy for Chris Evans (especially during the end credits scene) & I liked the Mad Max reference. The end credits scene was especially important bc Deadpool doesn't usually hand people over to be killed unless doing so will prevent HIM from getting into a lot of trouble. He's a merc who WILL & DOES kill, but typically he lets innocent people go.

Fuck Nicepool for being boring (but I think that was the point) & no, I did not like Channing Tatum's Gambit (I know he's from Louisiana but I HOPE that accent was bad on purpose, the headpiece was too chonky & I am loyal to the canon film Gambit *blushes*). That aside, I absolutely loved what we got of Laura, Elektra & Blade. Loved their fight scene, even though it sucked to see them go.

Cassandra Nova was appropriately sociopathic, as per the comics. I kept screaming for them to kill her, bc I KNEW she wasn't gonna turn good all of a sudden, but it made sense why she let them survive. I don't know HOW she can stick her hand into someone's head w/o killing them while they STILL feel pain (or how she didn't die after being stabbed; IDK maybe they're saying she telekinetically healed herself?). I liked how they brought back the Doctor Strange finger-thingy (wait, so does that mean the TVA has a constant problem of amateur magic-users going into different timelines on accident??).

As a comics fan, I was SO EXCITED seeing all the Deadpool variants. There were a bunch of references to Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe, which is where (if you don't know) a version of Deadpool is psychically attacked. But instead of being brainwashed, his thought boxes (which act as his companions & consciences) disappear, only for him to realize that he's in a comic. Yes, he usually breaks the 4th wall. The problem is, he reasons that his friends keep suffering for the amusement of our world, so the only way to stop the cycle is to kill all the heroes, THEN kill the people who write the comic. ANYWAY! Killpool (I think that's what he's called) ends up getting confronted by mainstream/Good!Deadpool, who's assembled a Deadpool Corps of AU-Deadpools to fight all of the OTHER recruited Deadpools. Said DPs on the good side include Kidpool, Headpool (zombie head) & Lady Deadpool.

In other words, I rioted upon seeing all these versions who definitely have some cool backstories. When Logan & Wade went through them, I got pissed OFF ("wtf why didn't they heal?"). I thought they were gonna debate needing to kill Babypool (adorable), when everyone started waking up. I also liked how they showed someone growing back limbs, which is important considering the whole regenerative factor.

I do wonder how antimatter reacting w/matter didn't blow up the whole underground + 10005's version of New York or wherever, but there's always a plot hole. Besides, they've had lots of alien attacks. Maybe they build their undergrounds like nuclear bomb shelters.

All in all, 7/10.

*Is this Logan/Wade's universe the Fox movie universe? Bc we saw Captain Marvel's buddy, aka MVP of the shitty CM2, land there...so I assume the Fox universe is fine...but it CAN'T be THIS MOVIE's universe, bc their Logan wouldn't be that old! Also Logan isn't as old as Wade, but I'm pretty sure Wade shouldn't be chronologically just 30...? IDK if that was implied. TL;DR my precious Fox universe is fine. Thank you, nostalgia, The Good X-Men Casting & poor beloved misused Taylor Kitsch!Gambit + Anna Paquin!Rogue 😭

[bloodstainedembrace]

personal vent under the cut don't read it unless you really want to see my void screaming

i think the internet has become not very healthy for me again where i'm basing so much shit on online validation bc i don't have a big social life bc of mental illness shit and it's like ugh! why am i so upset over like . seeing someone blocked me or not getting as much interaction on a post. this is not a mentally well way to react to these types of situations which are really not that serious and i need to like. figure out a healthier way to deal with online stuff for a while because it's making me worse. like i'm trying to just hangout and post about things i like and talk w people who share these interests which is. the goal of the internet for many other people too and i need to detach from this strange mindset i've gotten myself into regarding it bc none of these situations warrant the serious reactions i'm giving them i'm just weirdly fragile rn. anyways if you read through this you get a cookie and share w me your thoughts if you got any advice i will hear it.

[rubyscarbuncle]

VENT POST FEEL FREE TO SCROLL PAST

content warnings: dysphoria, self-loathing, depression

.

.

.

.

I'm not really asking for advice or help, not really looking for people to feel obligated to read this, just kinda screaming into the void. I wouldn't turn down that, but if anyone does decide to read this for some reason, I don't want them to feel obligated to say anything. This is just a post to just... Get it out.

dysphoria has been beating my ASS recently. I feel like I'm out of the honeymoon phase of hrt if that makes sense, where the progress has slowed down a lot. Everything feels a lot slower and more incremental. I finally felt like I look femme enough to pass (a feeling that honestly I don't even believe on most days now) and tried to do voice training, but kinda stopped.

it's hard, on good days I can tolerate or ignore my voice but on most days I just don't like it at all. I think it's one of the reasons that I've been nonverbal more often recently. Although it's also due in part that I'm actually allowing myself to do so on days where I just don't feel like talking, but I think if I wasn't so dysphoric I'd at least be able to manage to just keep my mic on at least. Or at least squeeze out a few words. But I just don't like my voice being perceived. I think it sounds fake and wrong and a lot of other things. I know I wouldn't be feeling this way if I did voice training, but to do voice training I have to listen to and focus on my voice, and I hate my voice, but it can't change unless I do voice training, but to do it I have to listen and focus on my voice, and thus the cycle repeats and as I feel the cycle repeating my motivation dips lower and lower. It sucks. Like a lot. I feel like I'm in this weird fucked up stage where it's just enough to not present as outwardly masculine but is still very easily detectable as masc. I know passing isn't tied to gender, but it's a shitty feeling nonetheless.

I just wish I could bundle myself up and just never have to be perceived until my transition is complete. But I feel like I'm forced to walk around like a caterpillar that's halfway morphed, one that should still be in its cocoon but is forced to walk around anyways. It's a really shitty feeling that I don't know if I could describe to anyone that doesn't have to deal with it any better than that.

I put on make-up recently and felt not very good after putting it on, like I looked somehow more masculine in the way that you could tell I already didn't have a standardly feminine face but also had shitty make-up applied that feels deeply unfeminine, I got complimented by someone I know who signed to me saying "you look beautiful" and chat I can't lie, my first thought was "damn I can't believe they'd lie to my face like that."

It also sucks, because I feel like I'm nervous to be or act like myself outside of really close friends or else I might be seen as "not feminine enough" or something. But that in it of itself makes me feel like I'm just faking it or something and I feel like people can tell that which sorta makes its own vicious cycle.

I just wish I could just be put in some kind of vat like the healing pod for goku but for transitioning. Just sit in that vat and let the changes wash over me until it's over.

Don't get me wrong, I still love being trans, I love the community, I love the perspective it's given me, I love meeting supportive people, I love so much about it, but the dysphoria (and not to mention the transphobia) aougoughhhhhhhhh, it's debilitating.

[franciskirkland]

so i have finally had it this time. not posting for attention but screaming into the void bc its all i can do. please don't click read more unless you're willing to hear some deeply gnarly/personal stuff. and please don't unfollow just bc you didn't heed my warning. this is a personal blog and there's a real live human woman behind the deranged hetaliaposting.

i now know for sure that i intend on ending my marriage. i can't leave yet, but i need to start planning for it. im done. its not worth it.

our first wedding anniversary is in a few days. i have always had thoughts in the back of my mind about us not lasting, but i didnt think it'd end like this, so soon. im embarrassed frankly.

we have had our share of problems both major and minor. but the final straw is that my husband has more or less assaulted me.

so there are more details below but i've been pretty sex repulsed (by irl sex) for the past... 10 months or so? we are not completely sexless but it's usually coercive, with my husband guilt tripping and pestering me for sex. usually i manage to get out of it, even if i do wake up to him rubbing up against me - that doesn't bother me too much.

but yesterday he was being particularly forceful and threatening me if i didn't start having sex with him again whenever he wanted. so he initiated the act. i kept saying no. no i cant. please stop. i dont want this. im gay. and he said no you're not. and he forced me to give him head while also grabbing my breasts and making me undress. i hate being naked. i nearly vomited. i feel disgusting and violated.

the thing is, that part about me being gay wasn't a joke or an excuse/defense. that was me refusing him. i have told him that i am attracted to women so many times and he doesnt even believe that's possible. like, that bisexuality is real. yeah. that hardly scratches the surface of his terrible beliefs and opinions. but i digress.

i don't know if i'm only sex-repulsed due to him getting me pregnant and the subsequent loss, (ruptured ectopic, almost died) which affected me permanently in a physical way and im undeniably also psychologically but i have yet to process that in its entirity.

i am definitely at least bisexual, if not gay. and possibly asexual/gray-ace or whatever. the only men i really feel attraction towards are fictional/purely ideas. seriously. i'm deeply affected by comphet. growing up i knew i was queer but i was also abused by many men as a teen so i guess i internalized it. somewhere down the road i also became really attracted to the idea of settling down and having a family. (i still am, but my priorities have changed the more i see older moms. im only 24, my friend didn't have her first until 34.)

anyway, regardless of my sexuality or lack thereof, aside from our numerous other problems (incompatible personalities, different ambitions, lack of common interests, him being an abusive controlling manbaby, overbearing MIL, living situation, etc.) i am repulsed by him and i cant be around him anymore. i hate him.

the mistakes i have made for/because of this relationship are of a devastating magnitude. i've burned a lotttt of bridges (not my mom, thank god) but with other family, friends and previous employers.

i'm a dummy. yeah. i'm not going to lie. i have invested almost 3 years and over $10k of hard-earned wages into moving to australia for a man who doesn't respect me. i have no income, no privacy, little irl support, because he's isolated me to the point where i'm not me anymore. the most i can hope for is to get a full time job, and/or write some more original stories and possibly get a book deal or self publish. it'll all go into a divorce fund. it'll likely take over a year before the prospect of leaving is financially viable. but i'm not even sure where to go from there. the economy is a disaster in america too.

i would really appreciate some company, i don't necessarily want to discuss what happened but it'd be nice to have someone to talk to as i navigate this. i love you all my friends and followers and readers <3

[senseandaccountability]

hiiiiiii i come bearing asks:

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I scramble together notes and inspiration and sometimes some theme and/or references I’d like to put in. This can be anything from pretty words (English is my second language so sometimes I remind myself of gorgeous words and deep-study them in a dictionary), chunks of poetry and various settings to pure characterisation notes. I have three reasons for writing fic. 

An embarrassing number of my stories originate from me disagreeing with other interpretations of the text and/or because I want to put into words what the subtext is SHOUTING at us (me). That’s the pompous academic in my brain - LOOK HERE AT ALL THE TEXTUAL EVIDENCE FOR MY INTERPRETATION LET ME SHOW YOU I AM RIGHT. My Cyberpunk fics for example, where I just used so many words to scream “this is not a Devoured by the Other narrative you are objectively wrong about that all of you listen up!”

A very strong feeling that something needs to be explored or fleshed out, because I like the thing but want MORE of it. 

Nobody else is writing this character/this pairing OR they’re not doing it the very specific way I want. Here I think my age shows. I don’t want to read about gorgeous, innocent people romancing other gorgeous (maybe less innocent) people, I want some grit, some ugliness, some maturity. I’m not 19, I don’t want to write about characters that are 19 and discover the world for the first time, I want to write about people re-discovering it or saying goodbye to it or trying to pick up the pieces of their own dreams.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Aside from the WIPs I’m posting, I’m nursing a handful of stories in my head that I want to write at some point. 

The fire in me now - about Rowan Tavish and Gale of Waterdeep and I just know that it’s kind of melancholic and mushy because they have soft weird intellectual man/prosaic tired secretly soft fighter woman dynamic, I guess? I really don't know but I'm low-key obsessed with how imperfect their relationship will be.

You are more than what you’ve lost, he tells her.

You are better than your worst mistakes, she tells him. 

Banalities to fill the void in the darkest, most lonely stretches of night, empty shells to be crammed full with meaning, with love. And maybe it’s not enough but it’s all they’ve got. 

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Best: Figuring out someone's voice and dynamic with other characters, piecing together that string of ideas to a whole. It’s extremely nice when it all comes together, and you read through it and go oh yeah, this is what I meant. 

Worst: Writing plot that isn’t immediately related to the characters. Ugh. I really just want to poke around in fictional people’s heads and whenever I get stuck, it’s because of plot reasons or because my fragmented character study bullshit isn’t making any sense unless I anchor it to some overarching structure that I have no energy to build. Sometimes I wish I was writing plays instead and could just insert minor notes about the setting.