#this is about the essay i have due 6 hours ago

[hopeheartfilia]

i believe libraries are important and good. i do not emotionally care for them

Ive been having trouble thinking today, or rather expressing sentiments in accordance with an essay structure

At some point i gave up and watched a sj the x video. that helped imensly s in i can now make logical atatements again. however i am not really thinking and making connections im just sitting here like hello yes i have thoughts

And like i can see how i could write an essay on themes of estetics and the subjective and objective merits of art in relation to my theme, Should we close public libraries, but it wont change the fact that my answer is no deeper then a simple "no, are you an idiot"

and i have reasons ans back up but its just a liat of articles i could point someone towards, like hello this is research i found on the positive impacts of libraries on communities. please think of how someone would apply to a job in the current landscape of online applications if they dont have acess to a home or the internet. the answer may be libraries.

also librarians exist and libraries have other communal funtions. like reading to children. supporting local charities in various ways. serving as a social environment.

I have all the building blogs of yes one could make an essay out of theese parts

but i do t have the connective tissue. im missing the fucks given to explain. it probably wouldve helped if ive ever argued with someone over this but frankly im having a hard time actually making genuine contraaruments about Yes we should close public libraries, without making a pseudo strawman, like hello if you genuenly think we should close public libraries you eirher have no clue what youre talking about or your intentions are like. evil. whcih isnt. its not accurate. it doesnt make for a good essay

Id rather write several essays about me trying to write this essay then the actual essay

the theme decided i dont wanna fuck with it and now im here. wishing i spent the last 5 hours doing a little gouache painting instead of trying to turn my beain on and off aga-

maybe sleep would help. didnt help the last 2 times i tried to fic this "i dont wanna start this essay" problem, but at this point ive done that and moved to I dont actually wanna write it

.. i should probably talk this out with someone. as in ask them what reasons do you think someone could have for closing a library?

Also look up essay structures again. i hate doing that i prefer just reading and listening to essays and seeing where what i consider a logical train of thought goes, but im very stuck and if you cant make something you like, make something very technical

[simply-wlw-kpopstan]

6. First sign

Yujin had invited you to a little café on campus for your first session, apparently all the private booths and rooms in the library were reserved so you couldn't go there. Her roommate was in their dorm with her girlfriend and she doesn't want to and these are her words 'traumatize you with their love'. You mentioned your roommate had a girlfriend too but she insisted they couldn't be worse and you had a little competition about it as you waited for your order to be made. Once you got your food and drinks you sat down outside and started to study with her help.

"okay, so I got some notes from your professor on what you need to improve," her eyes skim over a page she was holding, "if we can plan an hour long session per week you should be caught up in no time."

You nod at her words as you take a bite of your food, " you have a lot of faith in me. I suck at this."

"did you even try?" She genuinely asked, "this stuff explains it's self if you read your textbook."

" I did but I'm not that good with writing essays which is what this stupid Class only consists of."

"so you understand the subject you just have difficulty with wording it?" She sips her drink.

"exactly, I always write it and then I see I'm not even close to the minimum word count."

She nods at your word as she thinks it over, " I guess I can still help you with that, just start writing your current essay that's due and when you're done I'll read it over and show you how to stretch it out. You just have to look at your first draft as a synopsis."

You grab your papers and start writing on the current subject, scolding yourself for forgetting your laptop. This would go so much faster if you had the stupid thing but alas. As you were half-way through writing your paper you spotted yuna down the street, walking towards you while looking down at her phone.

"don't panic but my sister is here." you quietly spoke, "I'll take care of her, I promise."

"Hey little one," yuna arrived and she ran a hand through your hair, ruffling it in the process "How's studying going?" She smirked.

"fine so just leave so I can concentrate."

"wow easy !" She sassed back at you, her head turns towards yujin with a sick smile as she fakes her next words, "yujin I'm so sorry for 2 days ago. My friends can get a bit much but I was really flattered when you asked me out."

Yujin must've seen the Suprise on your face as she clears her throat, "it-it's nothing. Don't even mention it. I was just-"

"why don't we go on that date tomorrow?" yuna smiled and you saw how yujin was falling into her trap.

"yuna what are you-" but she cuts you off.

"not talking to you." she muttered before giving Yujin a sad look, "please give me a chance?"

"i-I guess we could go out for coffee tomorrow?" yujin stammered

"coffee?" yuna raised an eyebrow, "you could ask me out to anything, a party, dinner, movie but you choose a coffee?"

"I don't have much time tomorrow, a coffee is all I can do. Sorry"

Before your sister can do more damage you jump in between, "yuna, back off. She's not going on that date with you."

"she can make that decision herself can't she?" She looked from you to yujin, "what will it be yujin?"

"i-I..." yujin was stuttering more and more by the second.

"i'm telling you she's not going and that's final." you said as you stood up, " I know you better than anyone so I know you're trying to play a game here. I won't let you." you got closer to your 'older' sister, "if I hear you've tried anything after this tight here? I'll push back yuna and we both know how ugly this can get when WE fight."

"You're no fun," she scoffed, "you never have been." she picked up her purse and walked away from your table.

"are you o-" you started to ask as you turn around but yujin was packing everything up.

"I have to go!" yujin exclaimed as she rushed by you, fumbling with her books as she walked away in the opposite direction of yuna. At least you knew she wasn't going to beg for that date, as you start to pick up your own things you notice a piece of paper poking out of your book and you reached for it.

Xxx-xxx-xxx

My number so we don't have to talk through socials :)

- yujinnie

After all of that you could only think about how sorry you felt for the girl. She just wanted to ask out her crush, that was hard enough as it is but her crush being your sister made it 100 times worse. You knew yuna would try something again when you're not there and all you can do is hope that yujin won't take the bait. You don't even get what she sees in her. With a sigh you leave the court yard and made your way back to your dorm. How could your sister be so twisted? What is so fun about playing with people's hearts? Maybe she got it from your dad, who knows. You don't even know the man and your mother doesn't speak about him.

Once inside your dorm, you dropped your bag on the floor and threw yourself on your bed. After a few minutes you sit up and took your phone from your pocket, sent a quick message to yujin and grabbed your laptop off your bedside table. You were 10 minutes into your favorite childhood movie when your phone pinged, yujin had texted you back an apology for running out on you and you reassured her it was okay. Without noticing it you spent the rest of the movie texting back and forth with yujin, not that you minded, you've seen this movie a hundred times before.

A mile away from you, Yujin had layed down on her bed as she texted you with a tiny smile on her face. Minji and Hanni noticed the small action but decided to keep quiet for now. They rather have her like this then heartbroken over a mean girl. It was clear that something had happened for the girl to come back this early from a tutoring session, but based on the look on yujin's face it had nothing to do with you and that's all they really cared about.

masterlist | next

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing where April broke my heart

Hooo boi.

March was a dream in comparison to April.

Emergency gallbladder surgery? Someone faking their death in my server? Good times. I wanna go back.

I have been through much in three short months. April has shown that it's taken a toll. I have missed many more days of writing. I'm still missing them in May. But I'm slowly gripping onto the last vestiges of my raw determination, all while in the face of so much.

I had a falling out with my closest family member that shook me to the core of my heart. I barely slept for most of the month again. Gallbladder surgery has proven to have some complications on my nervous system, making normal daily life difficult where it's hard to sit or lie down without experiencing full body numbness and tingling in various areas, including my hands and fingers. (No, not blood clots. 100% without a doubt it's my nerves.)

If you've followed me here (post one and two) and have read my author's on Terrible, But Great Chapter 30, then you know what went down with my family member. It took so much of my time and energy. I wrote well over 8,000 words trying to reason with this family member, only for all of it to be scorned and mocked. A part of me feels like that energy was wasted. I could have 8,000 more words in TBG, but I don't. This is all I have.

A part of me looks at it and says, "Give it back. Give me back my writing." What happened to January? Or even February? What happened to the girl who could wake up at 4am in the morning, an hour before she had to leave for her hysteroscopy, to power write 700 words?

Some days, I go up the stairs and I'm winded like I ran a marathon.

Some days, if I walk on the treadmill for more than 6 to 10 minutes, I feel like I'm dying.

It's been an uphill battle. The struggle is real, but so am I.

In the last week of December of 2023, when I realized how long it would take me to finish Terrible, But Great, I was overcome with what I call 'The Stirring.' I don't know what else to call it, but it always has an air of mystery and premonition for what it is to come. I thought at that time, "If I had limited time to live, what do I want to do?"

"I want to write."

So, I did.

In 2023, I published a total of 43,000 words in TBG. In 2024, from January to April, I've written 110,604 words and have published 35,000 words thus far. The year isn't even halfway over and I've done better this year than I have last year.

In spite of it all, I'm doing pretty damn good.

There's still hope. I'm not giving up. It might feel like morale is low, but it's not. I'm going to keep going as much as I can through all the hardships because writing is truly the one thing that breathes life into me.

By the end of April, I finished my business class with an essay about how the class shifted my beliefs. This class in combination with all of my health issues and social conflicts sparked an overwhelming revelation and a new rising determination within my soul.

You see, you all have witnessed my love and passion for writing Terrible, But Great, a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I also have original stories that I've wanted to write. Yet, I haven't been able to finish them because I'm always thinking about the market in the real world, instead of what I want and what the story wants. Fanfiction, I can do whatever the hell I want and yall are just gonna have to strap in and hold onto dear life cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Original novels, however, are done differently and I've often struggled due to so many factors.

I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have health issues which are rapidly piling up on top of each other. My career choice might not even be feasible for me in the long run, so why I am allowing myself to be pressured into doing more than I can handle with a class load?

I want to write. I want to write. I want to create.

Oh, how I want to create.

So, I will.

Two years ago, I gave up on my dream of writing original novels and earning a living through them. I've since repented of that notion. As I continue write Terrible, But Great, I'm also going to be working on my original novels on the side. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to earn a living as a published author.

That's my realistic ideal.

I wrote 457 words today, May 9th. That's good enough. The goal this month is to write more than April. I can do that. On the days where prose is hard, I simply write my scene idea in a zero draft style. I don't worry about the prose; I'll fix it later. Every word counts. Every word can be changed. Every word can be made better.

Every word is good enough.

Until next month.

[cassandralexxx]

yknow I’m like almost 3 hours into hbomberguys video essay on plagiarism and he has begun talking about sommertons misogyny and it reminded me that Oh Yeah I did have a problem with that. Like when everyone was talking about how he was a plagiarist my first thought was ‘no way I loved him his stuff was so interesting, I haven’t seen his vids in a while but I’ve been meaning to :/‘. But like the mentions of misogyny reminded me that there were in fact a few videos and stuff that I stopped watching due to causal misogyny and a disregard for lesbians. And like I had forgotten those problems bc yknow some of the things he said felt so poignant and they genuinely impacted me so like that’s what stuck out not the problems I had with part of his stuff. But yeah when I look through his channel there are multiple videos where I stopped part way through bc I was like that’s not right?

anyways yeah I had forgotten that that was a problem I had until this video bc I honestly hadnt watched a James video since 6 months ago with a couple being on my watch list.

also this whole thing has made me realize that whenever a video would get taken down and reuploadded (a problem it seemed James frequently had) it probably wasn’t for the reasons he said.

idk it makes me reevaluate how readily I believed him :/

[autisticempathydaemon]

sorry if this is a lil long (￣□￣;)!!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

there are a few albums (igor, damn., songs) ive been listening to on loop for a few weeks now, but if i were to narrow it down to one song it would be “forwards beckon rebound” by adrianne lenker ^_^. i liked it when i first listened to the album in full but then found out my boyfriend liked it, so i LOVE it now. 

What is your Enneagram type?

INFP-T, 4w3

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

i LOVE them!! i really enjoy jacob geller’s video essays, specifically his video “how can we bear to throw anything away?”. i think its SUPER cool and very poetically justifies my hoarding. though for GARGANTUAN, i like flawed peacock’s 7 hour and 42 minute video on “who’s lila”, which i still havent finished.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

when i was around 9 i used to be called “daffodil” when teased so i turned daffodil into my alter ego and spoke to her with pure hatred

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

most of the time i scroll and scroll and scroll until im about to pass out from exhaustion, but when im NOT doing that, either put on music or a sleep aid audio n stare at my ceiling til i fall asleep.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

im trans and have been out to my friends for around 3-4 years now, and i changed my name to my current one due to dissatisfaction with my previous name choice and my fixation on the character i named myself after.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

ashers 2021 hbs. its so sweet and silly and full of love <3 i love asher and i love fluff :3

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

guy. hes alright but i just dont see the appeal character-wise. hes kind of just erik’s self-insert or low-effort character which is great for him but not that interesting for me.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

book + movie: the perks of being a wallflower, and tv show: brooklyn 99. i was DEEPLY into tpobaw a few months ago and finished the book (with annotations) in 4 days. charlie kelmeckis is me!! as for b99, its my comfort show and i’ve rewatched it at least 6 times in full.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

caelum :3 i need to hug him asap!! need to bake with him!!

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

no specific topic, but ill start talking about how much i love something or someone. tired me is very loving. according to my best friend i talk a lot about my boyfriend when im sleepy.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

diet coke and ice cream ^_^ 

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

there are a few, but my top three are a playlist containing every alex g song i like, a playlist full of love songs of all different genres and artists, and a playlist i made in 2022 when i was into more obscure rock ^_^. but mostly i listen to adrianne lenker or kendrick lamar on shuffle.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

video essays talking about drake vs kendrick. i swear ive watched over a hundred videos related to that drama, mostly cause i love kendrick so much and have been a drake hater since 2015. 

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

im a big lover of the arts!! both visual (i draw both traditionally and digitally, and have tried painting) and musical (big music fan + very amateur singer and guitarist). i really like movies, but i like movie analysis youtube videos more! in that same vein, i love horror media but am too scared most of the time to actually consume it, so i watch a lot of horror explanation or analysis videos.

im an extremely awkward person to talk to, like severely. also i like minecraft a lot, avid hermitcraft watcher.

Type Fours are so lovely, so internally complex and magnificent and creative despite and perhaps in conjunction with their introversion. I think a fellow introvert would especially appreciate that about you- Anton, specifically.

Another reason I like y’all together is this enneagram type (and MBTI) tends to be very feelings based, very pathos motivated, and that would contrast from Anton whose life and job are so technical, so logos-y. You bring so much light and verve into his life; whenever he sees art, he thinks of you and how it would make you feel. You make him think more about how he feels, you know? The art you create and the way you experience art, the way you enjoy things, makes him marvel.

And you do love to enjoy things with him, to show new things and movies and shows, because his marvel in turn makes things even more fun for you! Anton strikes me as the type of guy who knows nothing about pop culture if left alone, so you get to show him everything. He likes Brooklyn Nine Nine a lot more than he thought. (Terry is his favorite; he also likes yogurt and wants to be a girl dad.) He doesn’t give a single shit about the Kendrick/Drake beef but you’re so animated when you talk about it, he listens raptly. He doesn’t really enjoy horror, but it doesn’t scare him either so he’s a comforting presence whenever you decide to try watching some.

Song:

A volcano erupted/ And the stars fell one by one/ And finally I'm done right/ And it's a kite trapped in my mind/ But I don't mind/ I think of your hands on my body/ And they feel nice/ Just one more night

(Thank you again, Spotify Artist Radios, because I don’t listen to a lot of folk! This is a new song for me!) I chose this one for you and Anton because of the phrase “velvet kind of mood”, because it makes me think of how Anton’s love would tactile-y feel- warm, plush, heavy like a weighted blanket and just as comforting. The lyric “just one more night” also made me think of Anton holding onto you the night before he leaves, so I could not resist.

Runner-ups:

Geordi is the first runner-up that came to mind because he strikes me as the most… artistically inept of the redacted bois if you will- thus, he would feel the most awe and reverence and your prowess. Plus, I like to headcanon him as trans, and we love a t4t couple. Asher is my favorite runner up for you though, but I can’t quite word why. I think it’s something about his extrovert energy against yours.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[hypocriticaltypwriter]

Now tell me some info and stuff on Chrysta! ((Cherri))

Like was she born there in Santa Carla? How DID she meet the boys? What is her personality like? Is she secretly a vampire?👀

Give me all the info bby gorl I will happily read every little thing🍒🤭

MJ, YOU DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOU ASKED!!! 💜💜💜💜

I'll gladly tell you... In the form of an infodumping 6 hour essay-/JJ

BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE... This might be a bit long, but I'll gladly share~!! Thank you so much for asking eheheheh 😈😈😈😈 I'm also using this ask to Ramble, so I'm so sorry YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ MY 'LONGER THAN THE BIBLE' POST 💀💀

Chrysta wasn't born in Santa Carla, but she's been coming to live with her aunt (mother's side) every summer since she was around seven, so she's always considered herself a local- the same goes for other residences who know her well. She lives way back in good old Utah when during the school year and other seasons. With her father and his wife, after her mom was put in the hospital due to some health issues. But she tries to call her mom every night.

Chrysta's summer home is along the small strip of stores near the boardwalk, where her Aunts house is a makeshift hair and nail salon.

The front is the whole workplace, while a hall separates the rest of the house- and upstairs basement made into Chrysta's room. Chrysta also grew up getting to know Mister Emerson well as when she was around nine her aunt had sent her over to the old man's house to give him some home-cook meals as a thanks for a favor Chrysta was never told- kept secret from her.

And ever since she was kind of a delivery girl for her aunt - if of course she didn't hate it, she enjoyed Mister Emersons company and his silly stories about vampires.

Sure it was definitely something that made ten year old her hide under the covers with a flashlight every night, but the older she got, the more she began to outgrow the fear over something so ridiculous- especially with her aunts rules and stories. She wasn't allowed to even be out on the boardwalk by the time the sun set.

Her curfew was always Eight on the dot, not allowed outside or to invite anyone in. No matter how many times she asked for a genuine answer, her aunt would always say the same thing: "That's when the vampires come out to play."

Of course Chrysta is a teenager in the 80s, and she wants to live her summer days to the fullest, so she usually waits till her Aunt retires to her bedroom to watch soap operas, and sneaks out her room window and goes to have a night out on the town... That's how she met the boys. 👀👀

Since the beginning of the summers, Chrysta had been visiting Santa Carla, and she had already built her reputation of being a drop-dead flirt and total tease. She knows how to sweet talk herself out of a situation or to get a free bite to eat. Of course, even if she's built the label for herself, she isn't cruel or bratty.

She's a total sweetheart! Chrysta seems to get along with many if they're willing to be friendly back of course and even if she isn't best friends with anyone, she's at least a little acquainted or on good terms with most.

So, being the little tease that our Miss Campbell is, Chrysta met the well-known trouble makers of the boardwalk back at the beginning of the summer 87... Er, well, sort of.

(SPOILERS FOR THE LOST BOYS PREQEUL SCRIPT YOU CAN READ FOR FREE HERE!)

Also, wanna write a story or make a comic about how she meets them and her whole backstory, but I'm still thinking about it, but here's the basic outline!

Chrysta is a part of the extremely distant Russian descendant on her mother's side. Yet her face is the spitting image of the princess Anastasia David had fallen for many years ago... It was what had gotten the bleached haired individual and the rest of his motley crew to keep staring at the stranger and her friends standing afar.

It wasn't until Chrysta's friends had whispered to her about the watchful eyes of the boys all perched on their bikes Chrysta had looked back to fully face the four. Eyes locking with the pair of cold blue ones.

As confident as she had been labeled, she immediately brought her gaze shyly to the ground, excusing herself from her friends and disappearing into the busying crowds along the boardwalk. Moments later, the four boys followed after, leaving their bikes parked outside the video store.

And the pursuit continued for a while, stalking and searching through crowds, picking out anyone who looked similiar to the strange, familiar stranger, and when they had found her once more, she had looked back to see them following, only to hurry off and away from their eyesight again.

And it was only after Chrysta had disappeared through the door of the salon she worked at, giving one final expecting glance toward the four vampires they realized something.

She wasn't running away. She was playing hard to get.

So the game of cats and mouse continued almost routinely every night she snuck out, no matter where she was, they'd be there a moment or two later, somtimes vice versa.

And it wasn't until one night Chrysta had decided to hide away inside the video store she'd ACTUALLY meet David, Marko, Dwayne, and Paul. She'd been sneaking around trying to avoid them in the store, peeking around aisles and walking into the next one when they would go to the one she was in- just stupid cheesy cute stuff like that that .awesome me squeal and roll around giggling.

Chrysta does finally get trapped when David and Dwayne cut her off on the opposite side of the aisle, Mark and Paul, on the other, leaving her nowhere to go.

She did talk to them and finally got some names, pulled on her charm, ect- overall playing along and enjoying the company of these new strangers... Until Max had shown up, assuming the the boys were bothering her and tried to get them to leave, thankfully Chrysta explained they weren't doing any harm and made sure to keep their case clean in front of the Video store owner.

Reluctantly, he believed her, but told them to leave as he'd told them multiple times not to come around here anymore.

As a thanks for sticking up for them, David offered her a ride on their bikes, just to check out the boardwalk and beach. Just 'one' ride.

Chrysta was a little unsure at first, like those stoies or cliches of the girl running away on the back of a boys bike. But after some convincing at playful peer pressure from the rest if them, she decided why not. A little rebellion never hurt anyone!

Right?

----

ANYWAY HERE SHE IS IM SORRY I RAMBLED BUT THIS IS MY BOO IN ALL HER GLORY!!!

You can also see her ref sheet for more stuff here!

I hope I answered your questions and let me know if anything wasn't clear enough or you need more specifics!

[sketchystalker]

Okay. This is going to be the semester that kills me

First up, my literary criticism class has an essay due every. single. class. And hey it's a class that starts at 1:30, so plenty of time to do it in the morning, right? Nope! Due at midnight the night before. So I have to fully understand these complex texts talking about things that already go over my head enough to write a paper about it and somehow get it done way before the normal time I'd get it done at (because I am a big homework after midnight do-er). I have like zero time this weekend (because hey, it's my birthday and it's the first week of classes so you'd think I'd be able to have some time off) and my professor decided to add on a 25-30 minute video lecture to the assigned Plato reading (due with an essay Monday at midnight) that she already advised us to start two days ago, and another textbook reading on top of it.

Second, the class I had to beg to get into because my other class dropped last-minute apparently is 8 weeks, and is designed just like an online class, except I have a mandatory in-person lecture twice a week at 8:30 AM. I literally could have just taken the online class and saved time probably. It'll be nice I guess when it's term two and I don't have 17 credits going but it's going to be so much to balance initially.

Third, my grantwriting practicum. It's only three credits, but I'm spending 6 hours in the lab every week working on it because they want us to do all of our work in the lab. But I am such a slow writer that I know I'm going to have to do work outside of that time too. And the issue is that I don't get to use that time to prioritize something that may be more important at the moment, I'm stuck writing grants on all three of my most busiest days (which are right next to each other, giving me little time to do any homework for the classes that meet Tuesday/Thursday. And guess when my lit crit class meets? My Tuesday/Thursdays are literally 8:30 AM-5 PM with only an hour off for lunch. And then I have homework right after).

Fourth, I decided to take a piano class because "oh it'll be fun" and "who knows if you'll have space to take it senior year. Just do it now while you can" and yeah it should be fun, but I'm supposed to practice 30 minutes every day? There's no way. It'd be doable if I had a piano where I lived but I don't so there's no way.

And then my other two classes would be fine and doable if I literally just didn't have lit crit. But they're both English as well, and one is a 3 hour night class meeting on Wednesdays (once again giving me no time to do my Thursday homework), requiring about 150 pages read every week. And the other is variable speech/story/poem/etc. lengths but, knowing this professor, they'll have to be closely annotated. So no skimming for me if I'm short on time.

On top of that I have work, where I am now going to be one of two people among a sea of new hires (and that second person only started like three months ago and apparently makes people really uncomfortable). And I'm in charge of certifying all of them. And until that day happens, like months from now because the process actually takes forever, I and that other guy are the only ones who can give the hour-long tours. So that's 9 hours of my week right now (a majority happening during my Tuesday/Thursdays)

And I'm also the president of a club that I have no idea how to really run. There's so much shit I have to do up-top, like getting certified, making a whole budget that's extremely complicated and I don't know how to do, and start planning and holding meetings, all by a really soon date.

Plus I still have boxes I need to unpack and lists I need to research and send to my mom and apply for studying abroad before September 12th and my oven takes over an hour to pre-heat to 400 degrees which makes cooking anything impossible so I have nothing I can easily make and eat and I still need to confront a professor I've been avoiding and someone wants to interview me and I'm avoiding that email and I'm worried I'm not going to be making enough money this semester because I don't have that many hours and if I don't see my friends I get sad and lose all my motivation to do anything especially schoolwork and I have a stupid fucking 4.0 that I've maintained for this long I literally don't know how to lose it like how do you do an assignment and turn it in that isn't all of your effort ever and how do you know if you miss assignments that you aren't actually going to get a negative 500% grade in the class and I'm trying so hard to have a good semester I need a good semester after last semester I need to stay academically minded and excited to do it but I'm not going to get any exercise which naturally is going to make me sad because moving your body is good for you and feels good and i just don't have time and I said yes to a dnd campaign this semester?????? what the actual hell when i am going to have the time to do that and i want to start reading the illiad right now and i want to watch a movie every week and I think I am actually going to die

[tubapun]

fun fact be me three years ago have 3000 word summary / breakdown / analysis midterm on play. procrastinate write it all in the last 4 hours before its due submit @ 11:58 go to bed content and at peace with the world.

6 weeks later outlook goes Ding while i'm breaking down a crape myrtle in the backyard . prof has ripped out my jugular, "essay contains extensive evidence of plagiarism".

die instantly. freak out. generally no longer at peace with anything ever. dress up drive hours to prof's campus violently ill within 24 hrs of first receiving the email

omw there, outlook goes Ding while we're pulling off the highway. prof has replied to my "okay what would you have me do" email with "come see me during my office hours bring rough drafts of your work and any sources you may have referenced"

>did not reference any sources , entire essay was just interpretive prose on the subject from the stressed vacancy of my mind >cant even remember reading the play or even Writing the essay very much at all: it was 6 WEEKS ago and id written it all in one sitting while drowning in just-starting-3k-word-midterm-due-in-4-hours insanity >having written it all in one sitting, what else do i not have: Any Rough Drafts. At All

i do not reply to the email.

be me walk into prof office with no sources rough drafts or really any knowledge in ur brain about the topic you wrote your midterm about because you forgot it all within .2 seconds of hitting the submit button.

"i saw in your email you mentioned bringing in rough drafts - i dont have rough drafts. i wrote it all in one sitting"

"you. wrote it all... in one sitting."

"yes"

needless to say he throttled me for not citing any sources on a midterm (though through the whole conversation i was knawing on my tongue to refrain from pointing out that i merely Had no sources to cite). and then gave me an 105 on the assignment.

cite your sources kids

I would post this with a funny meme of looking shocked but also last minute panicked writing with no sources is a thing I'm almost sure I've done, good on you for making it work

[metagalacticx]

peppermint cappuccino + hibiscus tea

peppermint cappuccino— what’s your favorite genre of movie, tv show, or video game and why?

this is a tricky one because i do not have an actual answer. i watch and play anything that interests me. and sometimes i do not like things that are similar to the things i really like. i literally just go off vibes. it’s essentially my way of life. but i love animation. i’ll watch just about any genre of animation there is. anyway, for tv shows one of my ultimate favourites is atla.

for movies, one of my favourite movies ever (that i’ve annoyingly recommended to my friends for years) is the florida project. i could write essays about that film. IF YOU’RE READING THIS, GO WATCH IT!! i also have a hsm trilogy, blade runner, scream franchise obsession. and like everyone in the world probably, i have a ghibli fascination. my favourite ghibli film is the secret world of arrietty and for an embarrassingly long period of time in high school, i watched it at least twice a week.

the best video game i’ve played in the last three years is inside, which is a horror/thriller game? like it’s not scary but it scared the shit out of ME the entire time. anyway i loved it so much and i have talked about it a lot since i first played it. i don’t think i’ll ever play it again but i wish everyone would play it at least once. what got me into the game was the graphics. the graphics are just stunning. sound design is incredible. i love it.

i think the common denominator here is just things that are done well. atla and the florida project and the secret world of arrietty and inside are all beautiful, have great art and sound design/voice acting.

hibiscus tea— how often do you stay up all night instead of sleeping? what was the reason you stayed up all night?

slight CW going forward but very often. especially recently because of my current mental illness episode. i’ve been surviving off 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep for like three weeks, and it’s only slightly improved in the last two/three days. but even like two months ago when i was fine i was only sleeping 6 hours a day? one of those hours would be from daytime naps, too lmao. but during that time it was mainly due to staying up to read fics etc. which i don’t really do anymore </3 the good???thing is i don’t feel fatigued at all lol

thanks sm for asking!

[livixbobbiex]

I posted 99 times in 2022

That's 75 more posts than 2021!

20 posts created (20%)

79 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@somecunttookmyurl

@kingburu

@kazliin

@kittmoon

I tagged 20 of my posts in 2022

#actually adhd - 8 posts

#adhd - 8 posts

#neurodiversity - 6 posts

#neurodivergent - 6 posts

#percy jackson - 3 posts

#pjo - 3 posts

#totk - 2 posts

#politics - 2 posts

#uk - 2 posts

#botw2 - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 78 characters

#personally i think the best approach is to stop using neurodivergent so often?

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

It's finally time for the Hyrule water theory

So this comes from an observation I made during last year's trailer

If you're anything like me and cheesed the dungeon with Zora armour, you'll remember there's a LOT of water around this castle. In fact, you can kind of see it a bit in the trailer before the entire thing gets lifted out of the air.

See the full post

437 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

#4

People who critique fanfiction lines such as "she let out the breath she didn't know she was holding" clearly aren't ADHD because that's the daily experience chief.

534 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#3

The other side of ADHD

So one thing I don't see people talk about as much is the other side of focus issues. Like, I kind of hate that it's even called Attention Deficit because I don't think it's fully accurate. It's more like, attention meter gone haywire.

The best way to describe it is like a roleplay video game stat. Imagine the average neurotypical person has focus values in the range of about 4-6 points. For me, at random, my stats will flick between like 2 and 8. Sometimes in the space of hours.

In real terms, this results in:

Hyperfocus where I can write a 3000 word essay in one sitting; no breaks, no moving

Revolving fixations, never lost just reignited when I remember them. What follows is days of intense obsession

Being actively early for everything because of waiting mode

In the right conditions, crazy fast comprehension and reaction speeds

Tuning into other people's conversations in crowded spaces

At times, hypersensivity. Especially when it comes to hearing and smell

Ability to remember really random events in almost photographic detail. Like, sometimes I will have an easier time remembering some really mundane conversation from 3 years ago verbatim than what i did literally that morning

Same goes for random trivia. I still know the exact date the war of the roses ended, have since I was 9. I'm especially good with song lyrics

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle a lot and the lacking focus is more common. The frustrating part is that I have no control over when I'm able to do these things (aside from hyperfocus, I can kind of induce that - maybe I'll make a post about that) so it's rarely actually useful.

But yeah, I feel like it's a less spoken about portion of ADHD, closest it gets to the 'superpower' thing honestly.

I'll also note that, I'm personally unsure, but it might be that this isn't applicable to inattentive presentation ADHD. Would be curious to hear from y'all. I'm combined presentation but to me it seems more like it comes from the hyper side.

573 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

#2

I love how much we're all talking about neurodivergence here and all but let's all remember that neurodivergent is not ADHD/Autism only.

I've seen a lot of people using those expressions interchangeably and, whilst those are the most common conditions, neurodivergent is a wider label than that.

1,199 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

12 ADHD hacks that are actually helpful

Record EVERYTHING in your phone's calendar app the moment you find out about it. Mine gives me an alarm automatically before the calendar time - has saved my ass many times.

Get a little bowl or equivalent for objects like keys. That's now your key bowl. You will not lose them ever again.

Write down deadlines as early before they're actually due as you can justify. My ADHD ass never remembers the actual due date. I get all of the stress fuelled productivity with none of the actual danger.

Handwrite notes. I have no idea why, but the process of pen and paper makes me remember things much better.

If you have to be somewhere like class or work, set aside time to go for a walk first. Honestly would be great all days, but I can't even make myself do this, so it's good if you have to be out anyway (and maybe would have been in waiting mode). Burning off energy helps my brain.

When retrieving laundry (ie its dry and you have to fold it), dump it all out in the most inconvenient place possible. I like the bed. It forces me to deal with it, rather than letting it sit there.

Turn on subtitles when you watch anything - even YouTube and live TV. I didn't realise how lifechanging this was until last year.

The Breath of the Wild soundtrack is weirdly the best background music ever. It's the perfect level of stimulating without distracting

Use text to speech for long walls of text. It's great.

Did I mention phone alarms? I use it for everything - ie when I know I might hyperfocus on something for too long.

There's literally no obligation to eat 3 meals at set times. If eating snacks throughout the day works better for you, then do that. There's also no shame in things like pre chopped fruit/veggies.

I struggle with transitions sometimes. A way around this is keeping a ton of water next to me. When I get frustrated about being stuck, I just drink as much water as I can. Eventually, this means I have to pee, and physically cannot ignore it. The act of going to the bathroom is sometimes enough to change activity.

Disclaimer that this is my own experience with ADHD, which may be totally different to someone else's. But hey, these are some things I've always found useful.

EDIT because this has a lot of reblogs wow! Please feel free to share even if you're a different type of neurodiverse, or even straight up neurotypical. At the end of the day most of these are focus/executive dysfunction tips, and I'm glad they're useful no matter what your situation is!

6,741 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[the-duckless-pond]

Sigh. Its been a rough one, diary. Well, that’s not entirely true. My day started out going really well! Then it all started going sideways about two hours ago and now I’m trapped on the couch in a prison of inability to start tasks. I don’t know what to do. I made my favorite coffee because I told myself I don’t get to sleep until my homework is done. Seriously. I don’t even have that much, it just FEELS like a lot because I am trapped in this prison.

I took a break from writing this to drink my coffee. Here’s what is on the agenda for the evening:

- dinner

- 3 pages Japanese homework and corrections

- 300 words French essay

- shower

It is about 6:30pm. I got home from having lunch with my friend at 3, and have been trapped trying to get started ever since. I guess I could start with dinner. I wanted to make spaghetti but that takes a while and with how late it is and how much I need to do I don’t feel like I have the time anymore. I would have needed to start like an hour ago to feel comfortable. So I guess it’s another microwave meal night. Sigh. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll try again tomorrow (for reference I have been trying to do this all week).

I was going to shower after dinner and then settle in to do my homework, but now I feel like that will make me too relaxed and I need to wake up. So now I’ve got more caffeine that I just grabbed. I guess I will do homework first and then shower.

Truly, even if I only get one thing done this evening, as long as it is my French essay, it will be a success enough. Maybe that should be my goal instead of doing all the things. I’m clearly struggling now so I guess I’ll adjust for my mood and capabilities.

New goals:

- dinner (do NOT order out)

- French essay

- shower

That feels much more doable than switching to another language immediately. I had actually wanted to get this essay done on Tuesday, but I was very focused on actually attending class instead of depression skipping and decided I would wait. Then I got stressed with Japanese homework all week and my depression acting up. Then I tried on Friday but I was very tired from cleaning and everything all day. And so I did nothing. And now here I am, due date 11:59pm tomorrow, struggling to write what feels like a very short essay. Its not even the writing that is hard, it is the getting started. Like all the steps. Maybe if I write them down I can do some of them to get going?

1. get laptop from table and bring to couch

2. turn on laptop

3. open essay doc with prompt

4. write

5. proof read and edit

6. submit

Okay. After writing that list I got up and got my laptop so now it is next to me. I also turned on the light because it is starting to get dimmer in here. Also I put my wax melter tray in the freezer so that I can empty it and use it while I work because that sounds nice. I can take it out in maybe twenty or thirty minutes and it should be good, but I am hoping to have started before then.

My grocery order is about to arrive so once that is all done and put away I will turn on my laptop. I know for a fact that it is fully charged because I did that yesterday morning. So I don’t have to worry about that. After I turn on my laptop I will have a quick dinner. Then I’ll check on my wax melter tray thing, and hopefully it will be ready by then.

Groceries about to be at my door. Opening my laptop and turning it on.

It was already on!! So I opened the doc and now it is ready to go.

Update, groceries delivered and put away. I guess I’ll go try now.

[walkingstackofbooks]

Just shouting into the void ~

So my job application writing is going great /s ...

Lol I can't even focus on writing down these thoughts I'm already thinking on here what hope do I even have of writing a coherent personal statement?

Gah

I'm on #6 since April and they've got progressively harder. Like, I guess that makes sense in terms of motivation and whatnot, and also I am pretty burnt out after spending half-term with family instead of resting (it was nice but god, I should not have gone back into work straight away after) but also I'd started on meds for #1 and they worked GREAT but now it seems that initial burst has worn off and even after increasing they're not as good?

#1 - 12 weeks ago - Solidly worked on it for 2 days and did not procrastinate overly much - barely at all on day 1! It was wild! Magic!

#2 - 7 weeks ago - My expectations were high - and not quite met. More work than expected, there was less that I could copy-and-paste from the last than I thought there'd be. Got really tired in the afternoon and napped, had a sudden revival about 10 at night 😅

#3 - 4 weeks ago - Lots of productivity just... housework-wise. It was great for getting stuff I needed done though! Did bits and starts, didn't really get a good go at anything till Sun eve and even that was hard.

#4 and #5 - 3 weeks ago - Really productive evening at a friend's who offered to body double. Was fairly good the next day after a nap, too; bit of procrastination that weekend, but generally okay.

#6 - now - Did a fairly solid bit for a few hours yesterday, but then solidly procrastinated and lost belief I could do it. Have solidly procrastinated this morning, including some housework productivity, haven't been able to bring myself to even open the word doc.

I just haven't felt like this at all during this round of applications I don't think - back to what I felt during essay-writing and all that other shit that uses this sort of brain power. Most of the others was working to a tighter deadline, but not all of them were next-day affairs, and I was able to hold myself to my own deadline for once - I didn't pull any all-nighters, which is out-of-the-norm for me. This one isn't due until the end of next week (and gosh there's actually a #7 also due in next week which I've just put to one side bc I cannot) but I've got something on next weekend that I want to go to and haven't been able to go to in years but I'm just so aware I could miss it and wouldn't that be easier, Andi?, then you wouldn't have to do this damn application now!

Dammit I just hate my brain and the way it just slides over the paper when trying to get a grip on what I've done so far and doesn't take anything in and just can't be assed with the consequences of not doing it now, even as I get more and more anxious, and the whole spiral that is doing-things-now-but-not-enjoying-them knowing that if I just do the damn thing I can enjoy future things more!

(I think this all comes in the context of I cannot enjoy anything until I get a job bc my life is currently on hold and I just have to go through endless application processes but there's only this short window in May-June for most jobs and fricking hell I don't even WANT any of these jobs I'm just legally required to get it so I can resume my current, enjoyable job in two years time... Which is fun.)

Anywayyy

This is just more procrastination.

(I'm also not sure if I'm procrastinating going to the shops or putting it off in the hope I'll do some work but it's a Sunday so they'll close in two hours which is a good thing tbf otherwise I might procrastinate it longer than tea but also AGH I don't have TIME to go to the shops but I can't afford NOT to and I seemingly have time to procrastinate so just go out to the shops already you damned fool.)

[masongrizchel]

The Low-cost Scientist: Episode 2

Unemployment, Underemployed, and Blue-collar Job

The low-cost scientist received a text message a week ago. He expects ten text messages where he dropped his resume at some prestigious school around the metropolitan. His regard to his self is high. Some of his friends and classmates labeled him a late bloomer since this is the only time he has access to wifi using his phone and downloading advanced materials that he found exciting and necessary. He imagined how advantageous it would be for him to have this accessibility. He might have taught himself everything he needed help understanding, or the instructors failed to deliver. That is the reality of where he is going and where he went.

The magnificent instrument 'android phone' served as his library and his access to information. It is the same instrument where he received one message out of 20. Today is the day of his interview. He arrived while carefully walking in an aisle full of unfamiliar ambiance. It is his first time witnessing a community where it is entirely different from his standard view. He is applying as a secondary teacher at a prestigious Chinese school. The buildings touched with classic and modern Chinese architecture. The kids' lives were too focused on math, and it occurred to me (maybe this is on end). Their entire lives revolved around academics and how to get higher grades, which seems to be their only problem. I overheard a group of students discussing quadratic formulas as if it were their dinner last night and their breakfast this morning. The kids are too fantastic.

While recalling years back in his childhood, the talk is more on how to escape the cleaners' schedule first day in the morning and how to score with their crushes, where they were obliged to walk for one and a half hours to be at school since the family can't pay attention to your needs. There's no pressure. There are no expectations. You hear many words from disappointed people around them, which labels some children more problematic once they achieve adulthood.

Returning to the walk, these cloud of thoughts and negative vibes establishes envy of the low-cost scientist. He walks passing to the group of students discussing mathematical equations and formulas. Then passes to the group of students sharing books they have read. And many more. It is a niche for students who were not having any issues academically—those who made to be great. Looking at himself, the low-cost students approached the glass door of the school directress. Full of negative vibes -nervous, envious, and full of what-ifs.

The low-cost scientist enrolled in an MTAP program during his elementary days. It is a Saturday math class that focuses on the mathematics enrichment of students. Most of the students came from different sections; we can call them the cream of the crops. They were selected based on their mathematics exam scores. However, there was one chosen out of pity. He is a low-cost scientist.

A short back story: The low-cost scientist (in grade 6) was mocked by one of his classmates due to his crumpled uniform and hanging by a thread backpack. He snapped and strangled the bully, and their next subject teacher witnessed this. She interfered, and both kids asked to be in the guidance office. The teacher hears the story and where the low-cost scientist is going. The teacher had seen how promising this kid was. He writes a highly remarkable essay. From that point forward, the low-cost scientist is the favorite of this English teacher. She enlisted him in the feeding program, trained him in the writing camp, and added him to the list of students to join the MTAP. And yes, out of pity.

The door opens, and the principals welcome the low-cost scientist.

'Have a seat.' she said.

Tell me about yourself.

[cherrygarden]

!!

[enjennie]

Sweeter than Sugar | Na Jaemin

summary: wherein Jaemin goes through hell and back to bake a cake for you on your 3rd anniversary.

genre: fluff / boyfriend au

warnings: none

word count: 1.3k

[3:48 pm]

It looked as if a hurricane had swept over the kitchen as condiments, various baking tools along with spilled ingredients that managed to miss the massive bowl Na Jaemin was baking in cluttered the usually spotless counter that you and your boyfriend obsessively kept at its cleanest. Today, Jaemin couldn’t give a damn about being tidy, as he whisked the eggs vigorously with one hand, and tried to simultaneously sift the flour into a bowl with the other.

“Mom, mom! Please repeat what you said after beating the eggs,” Jaemin called over to his mom, who he’d speed dialed and put on loud speaker once the idea of baking came to him.

“Pour it into the dry ingredients then mix! Ah, why didn’t you get boxed cake mix instead?” His mother nagged. It did cross his mind, but Jaemin didn’t want to take the easy route. He never does. Not for his girlfriend, never. He’d go the extra mile for you.

“Did you preheat the oven?” His mother asked through the phone. Jaemin looked behind him to check. He’d randomly turned the knob when his mom told him to 15 minutes ago. “Yeah? It’s heated,”

“Okay, well after this you can put it into the cake tin then pop it into the oven for up to 30 minutes,” his mother instructed. “You could’ve just bought something special. Girls like that,”

Jaemin couldn’t help but smile. “You know Y/N isn’t like other girls,” He tells his mom. He knew for a fact you’re a sucker for handmade gifts, freshly baked goods and handwritten letters.

“Anyway, mom. Thanks for the help, I’ll send you a photo once I finish,” he reaches for his phone to end the call.

“Alright, goodluck! I love you!”

 With that, Jaemin gets to work on his own. He places the cake into the oven and starts coloring the icing he had prepared to decorate the cake with. Originally, you both had agreed to spend the whole day together as a celebration. But, due to your busy schedule and requirements that seemed to have chosen this day specifically, you’d apologized to Jaemin and promised a date night instead. A date night was all you prepared yourself for, but Na Jaemin had some tricks up his sleeve.

He quickly shot you a text, asking how you were. This wasn’t unusual, as he regularly liked to check up on you and asked if you needed anything. So, you replied without any suspicion.

@ the campus library, getting some articles for our thesis

Sigh. I’m sorry, honey. Will make it up to you l8r! xo

Jaemin chuckled, finding it cute how guilty you were even if he didn’t mind. He always wanted you to focus on your studies.

 [Aug 2019]

“I can wait, your future won’t so focus on it for now,”  Jaemin caressed your cheek lightly, brushing the hair out of your face and watching as the sunset hues reflected in your eyes as you both stood by the terrace of your shared apartment, watching the sun die down.

“You’re my future,” you mutter stubbornly to him. You watch as the corners of his mouth stretch into the gorgeous smile you’ve fallen in love with.

“I’m serious, Y/N. Do well or I’ll have to tickle you,” Jaemin poked at your side and you jolt as a reaction. A laugh escaped his pretty lips as he pulls you in closer and began to tickle you everywhere. “Na Jaemin!” You screamed his name, trying to free yourself from his hold but the man was strong with the softest touch, making him seem like a buff teddy bear. Or a bubble wrap for that matter.

Jaemin turned you to face him, pressing his head against yours.

“Put yourself first, and I swear I’ll always be right beside you,”

And that’s how it’s always been between you and him. You focusing on your studies, knowing you had a supportive boyfriend to go home to who’d recharge you and understand your struggles. Someone who’d wipe your tears away, motivate you and refill your coffee mug at 3 in the morning when the 5000 worded essay just wouldn’t write itself.

Nothing was sweeter than Jaemin, not even the most decedent of cakes, or the most sugary cupcake.

 [4:21 pm]

Ding!

The oven had sounded, letting the boy know the cake was done. He rushes to see and to his delight, it looked normal. He pulls it out with oven mitts and places it on the counter to cool.

Jaemin popped a candy into his mouth, getting excited as things were turning out perfectly.

 [6:08 pm]

“Jaemin?” You called into the dark hallway of your apartment as you come in through the front door. The house was usually lit when you came home at this hour, so you wondered if maybe Jaemin had fallen asleep, or left to go somewhere. So, you walk in and switch the lights on yourself to reveal an empty house.

At the end of the hall where you stood, you noticed a little card stuck to the entrance which led to the living room. You flip it open and it read, ‘Welcome home! Meet me at the terrace?’ A smile instantly shows up in your face as you excitedly pocket the card. Of course it wouldn’t just be an ordinary date night, you’re dating Na Jaemin. You’d be a fool to expect anything less.

You make a quick stop to your shared bedroom, throw your bag to the floor and quickly pick something to wear. The pink dress you’d reserved for special occasions catches your eye and you take it off the rack, knowing your boyfriend was a sucker for the color.

After a little while, you finally make your way to the terrace, which he’d drawn the curtain over so you wouldn’t see. You push it out of the way, and find a panicked Na Jaemin huddled over a cake with its candles nearly touching the surface of the cake, almost ruining the design.

“Quickly, quickly!” he calls for you and lifts the cake. Without even being able to register and appreciate the perfectly set up dinner, or the sunset that stretched in the horizon, you ran to Jaemin, which was always the most beautiful in your eyes anyway. “On three, make a wish and blow,” he lifts the cake between you two and smiles.

With closed eyes, you sent your wishes to the sky and blew. You didn’t even notice he had kept his eyes open, and let you do it alone, with nothing but a smile on his face. Once you opened your eyes once again, you see the writings on the cake.

Always beside you.

 Jaemin sets the cake aside and wraps his arms around you. “What took you so long? The candles almost burnt out,”

“Sorry,” you couldn’t help but laugh. “I wanted to look good for you at least,”

He chuckles, “You’re something else, Y/N,”

“Hmm, what am I then?”

“Everything I’ve ever asked for and more,”

Jaemin didn’t waste a second more, and pressed his lips against yours, as each second that passed without your lips on his was a second wasted. He tasted sweet, both in a non literal and literal sense. Your boyfriend loved sweets, after all. Each kiss was enough to give you a sugar rush.

 As you both pulled away from the exhilarating kiss, you found yourself licking your lips, craving for the sweet taste he’d left.

“Happy anniversary,” he gives you another peck. Your eyes land on the table he’d set up for the two of you and the sight almost brought you to tears. The sun had died down while you were busy with each other, which left you under the dim lighting that the string lights Jaemin had hung up provided. You realize it looked extremely similar to your first date. Like Jaemin had tried to replicate the one at the restaurant he’d taken you to, three years ago. “You didn’t-,” your voice came out unstable as you were getting emotional and extremely nostalgic.

He grinned and pulls a seat out for you, “C’mon, the roasted chicken is getting cold,”

“Na Jaemin, I’m gonna marry you one day,” you walk over to him and pinched his cheeks before sitting.

You hear him chuckle, and nothing in your life could have ever prepared you for the next thing Jaemin does.

“Why not now?” He asked, getting down on one knee and opening up a red box, revealing the prettiest ring you’ve ever laid your eyes on.

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Wiping your tears away HCs

Warnings: Fluffy cute shit 

Characters: Suga and Oikawa

Words: 1653 

A/N GUYS I HAD TIME TO WRITE TONIGHT AND THIS IS SO BIG AND CALMING FOR ME LIKE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I CAN EXPRESS THIS TO ANYONE BECAUSE I HAD BEEN WORKING ON 5 you read that right 5 whole essays for a midterm in one class that I only had a week to write and they were due yesterday so that was hard and took all of my energy but now midterms are over and I don’t have tests this week, I do have a couple appointments though (I’m thrilled to have a dermatologist appointment Tuesday) but sorry for the rant i am just happy and feeling like I am having a good start to my week 

Suga:

“Why am I such a baby” You kept asking yourself over and over as you found yourself sitting in the kitchen crying over...well you aren’t exactly sure what made you cry

It had been a day of tiny inconveniences and burning your food just ended up just causing you to break because it should not be possible to burn food from a bag but somehow you did

You were hungry and tired and now you couldn’t make anything happen right and the easiest thing to do was sit down and cry for a couple of minutes

What you didn’t realize was that in your couple minutes of crying Suga had come home

You heard the door open and immediately started to panic, he did not need to see you on the floor crying next to a pan of burnt food so you toss it in the trash and try to wipe your eyes and smile before he gets in the kitchen but you were too late he already saw you

“Babe??” You hear him practically make this face 🥺 at you and you turn to see him and can’t help but start tearing up again

“Babe” this time Suga whispers at you as he wraps his arms around your shoulders, “what’s wrong baby?” Asks quietly

His voice was so calm and caring that you couldn’t help but let the waterworks begin once again

You tried your hardest to look away from him so that he didn’t see you becoming a complete mess but Suga stopped you before you could turn your head

“Heyyy look at me” he cooed at you, his hands cupping your face as his thumbs came up to wipe your tears away, “tell me what’s wrong lovey and we can work through this together” you let out a big sigh as you try to choke down a little sob

Suga keeps one of his thumbs under your eye, wiping every tear before it falls and lets his other hand go to his cheek and start rubbing your cheek lightly as he calms your racing heart

Taking a deep breathe in he suddenly realizes the cause of your tears, burnt dinner, smiling to himself he pulls you to his chest and gives you a gentle hug as he rubs up and down your back gently as you try and get yourself together

“Didn’t I say it was my night to make dinner?” He smiled into your hair

You look up at him worried he is going to yell at you for wasting food (he would never but when you’re sad you never think through things logically)

“Go put your pajamas on and I’ll start dinner,” he smiles at you

You just stare up at him, unable to process what he has just said as one stray tear slips down your face which Suga promptly wipes off and gives you a little smile, “go on lovey, we can watch Halloweentown once I get this in the oven, okay?’

You give him a tiny smile that reflects right back at you on Suga’s face, he presses a quick kiss to your forehead before grabbing an apron and starting on something else for dinner

Oikawa:

It was one of the biggest of games of Oikawa’s career and you were on the edge of your seat for every play, it was now the third set and the score was 22-20 with Oikawa’s team down

You had been watching him prepare for this match for weeks, overworking himself and pushing as hard as he can in hopes that his team will make it to world championships this year

The amount of times you were accidentally awoken by Oikawa last night made it clear that he didn’t sleep, especially because you caught him watching past matches at approximately 3 am

He was up and out the door by 6 am, in a hurry to get to the court for extra practice because this game got them a straight shot to championships

You got to the arena before the game and as you watched the teams warm up you could feel the tension radiating from everyone, especially Oikawa, he was tense and his attitude sharp with everyone, not because he wanted to be mean but because he was worried and putting a lot of pressure on himself

In the past few weeks Oikawa had worked extraordinary hard on perfecting his jump serve but also adding curves to it and direction changes, you were impressed every time you saw it and never stopped complimenting him but it never seemed impressive enough to make him happy

Sitting there you couldn’t help but squeeze your eyes closed and pray to any god that would listen that this game would turn out in Oikawa’s favor, you needed them to catch up and quick

The ball was flying across the court in minute long volley’s each and you could feel everyone getting tired as the game dragged on

For the most part Oikawa had been absolutely crushing it, only letting up a couple of points but halfway through the second set the coach pulled him out and replaced him with a rookie so he could take a break and that was when things started to go poorly, you could see him on the side losing his mind as the rookie practically handed the second set to the other team and then continued to play until they were down 15-10 in the first set where finally Oikawa was put back in and he was fighting for every point with everything he had, clearly frustrated that he had been taken out for so long just to test someone else in one of the most important games of the season

Your eyes were fixed on Oikawa as he kept trying to take deep breaths as he maneuvered his way across the court, shit, the other team got the ball, and again, it was now 24-21 and you knew that this was about to end poorly

You collected your stuff and turned back to watch as the other team scored the game winning point, your eyes welling up as you saw the look of defeat on Oikawa’s face

You quickly wiped away your tears and tried to look brave as you went to go meet him outside of the locker room

No matter how strong you were trying to be you couldn’t help but start to cry because you felt so bad for him and you knew how hard he had been working

You stayed a little bit further back from the others who were waiting for the team so that no one had to see you crying which would have been fine until Oikawa walked out of the locker room and couldn’t see you over the crowd

Internally he panicked and walked straight past two men who were hounding him for an interview to come find you, you were always there and that was the one thing that was keeping him from crying himself but the moment he pushed past the reporter his heart sank, there you stood, clutching his jacket tightly around you as tears streamed down your face while you tried to force a smile when you made eye contact

Oikawa practically ran over to you and scooped you into his arms, “I’m sorry” you sob into his chest, he had absolutely no idea what you were sorry for and froze up as his mind began to think about the worst

You pulled back from him and sniffled as he looked down at you with genuine concern, “I know how much this meant to you, and how hard you worked and I just, I’m so sorry Tooru, I shouldn’t have kept you-“

His hands cupped your face suddenly as he planted a gentle kiss on the top of your head and wiped the tears from your cheeks, “stop it love” he whispered, “we lost this game but there are more, we will fight harder next time,” he pulled back and let out a little chuckle, “You’re absolutely adorable, you know that?” He teased, “I thought that you were crying because something was wrong, but no, you were crying because of me. Don’t do that lovey, I promise I’ll win the next one for you,” he smiles, but you can see the sadness behind his eyes which causes you to let out a little sob which he quickly soothes away with little words of affection and reassurance that you were loved but also mixed in his teasing that never failed to put a smile back on your face, especially when he told you that you were “only half as cute when you’re crying”

He got called to do an interview about the game so he kissed the top of your head once more as he followed the coach as you watched from the sidelines, he kept smiling over at you on breaks and when you got back to the car you didn’t go straight home, instead you went to the little diner where you met Oikawa for the first time

“Tooru, what’s this?” You asked, finding yourself tearing up again

“I wanted a chicken bacon avocado melt with my girl after a big day,” he said, not looking at you

You found yourself tearing up again, you and Tooru had met a year and a half ago at this exact cafe when you were given his sandwich and he was given yours, you both laughed about it and ended up sitting next to each other and talking for hours, the night you met him he lost another monumental game and said he needed some “comfort food” and tonight you were right back there beside him

“Hey hey hey” he sighed, wiping your tears away and forcing you to look at him, “we’re going to get cheesecake, you can’t cry” he smiles at you