#this is just some sick joke they're playing on us

[keeps-ache]

been telling my siblings 'you would NOT make it in vulcan academy' when they do smth goofy recently and nobody's been able to refute lol

[bi-writes]

Okay but MOB sitting on Simon's lap, cuddling as they watch some movie Simon picked out because it was his turn. At one point she gets up and he thinks she's just going to use the restroom, hands on her hips to help stabilize her. Only instead of leaving, she turns around and sits on her knees between his legs. She bats her eyes at him but otherwise just soaking in how pretty he is. He probably makes a joke, says he loves her and when he still doesn't move figures she just wants a moment and continues to watch the screen.

When she finally works herself up to it, she starts sliding her hands up and down his thighs and just the sensation and imagery alone has him hard and he can't bring himself to ask her to stop when it feels so nice. Eventually her hands wander up further and she begins to play with the button of his jeans. Still not stopping her, even as she unbuttons and zips them down to pull out his erection. When he finally looks down, she stops and stares innocently up at him.

As soon as his attention's somewhat back up on the screen, she repositions herself and licks a stripe up his dick to bring his head into her mouth to swirl around. He doesn't even last that long and she doesn't let him pull her off when he comes.

Or something like that...

mail-order bride (18+)

simon likes action movies. they're his favorite, by far. he likes to watch the over-the-top car races in the middle of metropolitan cities, he likes big, stupid explosions and when the protagonist has their enemy at the end of their gun and says something cheesy like "you're not going anywhere now."

he told you once that he likes the simplicity. the happy endings. the key recovered, a family saved, the epic conclusion of an explosive journey that always ends in the bad guy in handcuffs and the good guy on a beach sipping a mai tai, getting the girl, saving the world.

you think maybe he likes it because it dampens reality. you have seen the aftermath of an op gone wrong; in this way, simon can fantasize just a little. he can pretend that there is nothing wrong with the world for 90 minutes or so.

what's so wrong with that?

he's so pretty.

he ran errands for you today. came back from the store with a paper bag in his hands, setting it down on the counter and unpacking it. you were sat at the kitchen counter, the orange cat wrapped up completely in a burrito of a towel so you could cut her dagger-like claws without risk of retaliation. simon was watching carefully out of the corner of his eye, but as he unpacked the bag, you had all but melted in your chair.

a refill of your favorite makeup remover (you were going to run out tonight, guaranteed). vitamins (ya look right sick, baby, drink y'r juice). your favorite brand of pads (just tell me which ones, i'll get it right, promise). sour sweets (cherry-flavored, of course, sour because he likes the face you make when you pop them into your mouth). when the last box hit the counter, you had dropped the cat, much to her relief.

condoms. fucking condoms.

no, he's not pretty. simon is so fucking hot.

he doesn't budge when you get up to put the empty popcorn bowl into the sink. when you come back in the room, simon is still staring at the television, eyes trained on the spy on screen hopping between rooftops as they dodge bullets. you bite your lip watching him, unable to stop thinking about simon, simon, simon.

he's wearing nice jeans. straight jeans, but even the extra give doesn't matter when your husband is made of pure muscle and fat. you can see his stomach through his shirt since it's tucked in, white fabric showing off that nice pudge that you love laying your head on, your palm, knowing how solid and strong he most certainly is. nghghhhh, and his arms--big, bulging, tattooed, a perfect canvas for colorful markers or glitter or maybe your tongue.

it's subconscious, really. the carpet is soft under your knees as you kneel at his feet, lowering yourself so you can blink up at him big and wide as he keeps his eyes on the movie. he does notice you, however; his big hand slides down his thigh, and your eyes flutter a little when he passes it over your head then down your face, a pretty little pet between his legs.

"not supposed to be on y'r knees f'me, baby," simon mutters, but you can't answer because his thumb slips into your mouth. you wrap your lips around it absentmindedly, running your tongue over the thick pad of it. "tha's my job."

you sit up on your knees, leaning over him, and he gives you his attention finally, a twitch of a smile as he bends his neck a little and kisses you warmly. you steady yourself by putting your hands on his thighs, gripping the meat of them firm as you slip your tongue into his mouth and draw a low grunt from deep within his chest.

"always working for me, simon," you whisper between kisses. "always..."

fuck, the blood rushes to his cock almost immediately. he has such a soft spot for you. taking care of you, doing things for you, buying you what you need--it makes him so fucking hard thinking about fulfilling every need of yours. you deserve nothing but nice dreams, good meals, happy cats, a well-loved pussy, all the love his broken heart can give. he chubs up in his pants every time you ask him for something.

can you carry this for me, simon?

oh, i need some help with this, baby, just here...

can you get me more of this? i'm about to run out.

the zipper is stuck, simon...can you get me out of this?

ugh, you're his walking wet dream. and you're kneeling in between his legs, his sweet girl pouting up at him, and--oh, fuck--

your hands are soft under his shirt. you've untucked it just enough, your warm fingers sliding along the band of his jeans. he hisses a little, his body stiffening, and you smooth a thumb over his belt before kissing him again.

"you're so pretty, simon," you whisper, and he licks over your bottom lip in response, drawing a soft whine out of you. his thighs widen just a little when he hears the clink of his belt, feeling the waistband loosen as you draw it out from the loops and toss it onto the carpet behind you. "such a handsome man you are..."

"come off it," simon growls a little, and you giggle, freeing the button and slipping your hand down. his mouth falls open in a silent moan as you cup him with a hot hand, fingers sliding under his length to fondle his balls.

"mmm..." you follow his sputtering mouth, breathing him in. "actually, simon...i really, really wanna get on it..."

"wot a brat," simon murmurs, clicking his tongue. "can't be fuckin' patient--ahh!"

you pull him out of his jeans with a firm tug before sticking your tongue out and kneeling back down to lick a curious stripe up the underside of him. simon is pulsing, radiating heat and already leaking beads of stringy pre-cum, and as you suck the tip of him into your mouth, you realize just how thick your husband really is.

you've never seen him quite this naked, quite this up close. when he fucked your thighs, he had felt big, but his cock is truly making a space for itself in your mouth--

"ah!" you gasp as he fists your hair and pulls you off, leaning down to kiss you hard.

"baby--"

"i want it--" you whimper, using your hands, letting the spit from your mouth drip down his cock as your fingers spread it wide, pumping him softly. "simon, please! please! you always say...always say i can have whatever i want, please..."

when he lets your hair go, you dive. you suck him into your mouth, practically purring as you press him back into the couch and suck. he tastes like a man should, like a husband should, musk and a little sweat and just enough soap to have you a little light-headed. with the first bob of your head, simon shudders, a big hand cupping the back of your neck as he drops his chin to his chest to watch you. he uses his other hand to push your hair back, his mouth falling open a little as he watches your eyes roll back in your head as you try to fit more of him into your mouth.

your mouth squelches with every bob. spit gathers around the edges of your mouth, little globs dripping out as you slurp and flick your tongue over every vein and soft patch of skin. you're making a mess of him, all soft mouth and wiggly tongue and gentle moans that make him seize up.

it's not even a minute of your soft sucking, and simon is caught off guard by his own release. he wants to apologize, but you look so fucking pretty, coughing a little around his wet cock.

you don't stop then either.

some of it drips down around your hands, his own cum webbing between your fingers and getting onto the front of your shirt and staining his jeans, but you keep your mouth on him. you nuzzle the head of his cock against the inside of your cheek, pull off just enough to suck so softly on the tip of him.

"baby, fuck--" simon chokes, watching you through lidded, hazy eyes. "please, fuck--"

"i want it," you whisper, smoothing a wet hand down his length. he's getting hard all over again, and he nearly cums a second time when you let your eyes find his and pepper kisses from the tip of him all the way to the base. "don't i get w-whatever i want, simon? c-can't i...can't i have more?"

simon chuckles a little. he uses his thumb to swipe a glob of cum off your chin, bringing it up to his own mouth to suck off with a snort.

"you want more, baby?" simon asks, and you sit back up on your knees, pressing your forehead to his as he eyes your lips. they're a tad swollen, kiss-bitten and wet. "wot more do ya want, hmm? wot is it my wife wants so much, huh?"

you smile, wide, those big eyes sparkling. you give him another slow stroke with your hand, and he hisses, gritting his teeth as he watches your smile get just that much bigger.

"i want you to stop playing games with me, simon," you say softly. "you'll never win. so just give me what i deserve."

"wot you deserve?"

"don't i deserve you, simon?" you ask, and when he fails to answer, you swipe your thumb over his cock, drawing a cracked groan out of him. "you won't make me beg, will you, simon?"

"no," simon pants, leaning further into you, pressing his face to yours. "never. my wife doesn't beg for anythin'."

"you promise, simon?"

"my wife gets woteva she fuckin' asks for. olways."

[disgustingtwitches]

MDNI

Working at a restaurant with 141! (pt. 3)

"All of us under one roof? Have you lost the plot?"

Gaz snorts, all of you sitting at the bar. You shake your head. The thought alone makes you dizzy.

"Just me and you is hectic enough."

Gaz stares at Soap. John laughs, sipping his scotch. You think for a moment before taking your shot. Wait a fucking second. You joke about how they have decided to make your flat nothing short of a base, and if they're gonna be at your place more than theirs they should at least pay some of your bills. They freeze. Johnny nearly jumps for joy, grabbing your face and kissing you,

"Smart fuckin girl. 'N' if we're paying 'er bills, might as weel move in aye?"

That is not what you meant.

"Who knows, maybe it'll stop them from trying to drag 'er in the walk-in."

John shrugs. They cannot be entertaining this bullshit.

"Doubt it."

Simon shoots back his glass. There's a pause. They look at each other. Oh my God they are entertaining this bullshit.

"I'll think about it."

Price finishes his drink. They talk like you're not even there. You're horrified. Four men and you. One apartment. Not just any men, them. Maybe this is all some sick joke.

"You can always say no."

Simon kisses you before you hop out his car. You're not sure if you believe that. Your phone buzzed in the middle of the night, it's the group chat. Soap sends a link to a three bedroom flat,

Thoughts?

Three dots pop up.

Ok.

Simon replies. That's the only they blessing needed to move forward.

Hectic does not describe the move-in process, there are arguments on who's furniture gets moved in, who sleeps where, who gets to use which bathroom. Eventually there was a vote held (not that it mattered, John always had final say).

Anything big enough to accommodate the five of you was moved in. There would be a bed rotation, making sure no one slept with Ghost and Soap at the same time (and if everyone got tired of their shit, there's three beds for a reason.) Gaz and Soap shared a bathroom upstairs, you shared the one downstairs with Ghost and Price (this made sure you and Kyle had enough space for both your skincare products.)

You barely wore your own clothes anymore; with a closet full of clothes that were comfy and looked good on you, why bother? All your love languages included physical touch, so at any given moment, someone was touching somebody in the house. Lots of shared showers to "save water". Simon mostly cooks with the occasional help of you or Johnny. Sunday roast meant the kitchen was off limits for everyone except Simon, God help anyone who even tries to step foot in his territory.

Holidays are chaotic, always loud with a lot of drinking. And sex. Your first Christmas together was particularly memorable. Of course everyone got gifts that they treasured, including you. But you didn't know what to get Simon. Of course he was the type to say he didn't want anything but, that wasn't right. He opened his gift from you, he stared at it, said a simple thank you and slid it into his pocket. There's a game of poker being played in the living room after gifts are opened. Simon leaves to the bedroom,

"M tired."

Everyone else says goodnight, too enraptured by the game. While there's an argument about Johnny's shuffling, you walk to the bedroom. There he is, cranking the little handle on the wooden music box you gave him; it played Danny boy, wasn't bigger than the palm of your hand, and had an engraving on the inside lid.

"It's the words on the first hoodie you gave me."

"Mhm. Didn't have to get me anything."

He says, still turning the handle. Avoiding eye contact. You sit next to him.

"Don't know if you know how much you mean to me, promise I'll show you though."

His voice the softest you've ever heard. He tucks the box back into his pocket. A quick kiss to your forehead before walking back to the living room with you. This was one of the many holidays Simon didn't have to spend alone anymore.

[michelle-is-writing]

Unsuspecting Suspect, Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.2k~

In movies, the "pregnant women always have to go to the bathroom" is a popular joke to use. However, what most people don't realize is that the joke is highly played down. What you see in movies is nothing compared to what really occurs.

What really occurs is getting up from bed after only five minutes of getting comfortable to go to the bathroom for the fiftieth time that day. Not to mention you've become so used to the bathroom that you don't even have to turn the lights on or anything - you already know where everything is. Plus, if you're me, then that also means picking up your husbands lazily discarded pants that are crumpled up on the floor with his gun and all of his badges still hooked on there just so you can wash your hands.

"Spencer, I know you've worked long and hard," I start, picking up his wrinkled slacks from the bathroom floor. "But if your pregnant wife has to continue bending over and picking up your pants every time she has to use the bathroom because your daughter seems to think my bladder is a punching bag," I begin taking everything off of his belt. "Then I might just have to use you as a punching bag."

"I'm sorry!" I hear him apologize from the bedroom, an ounce of laughter behind his voice. "I forget and just leave them there - I'm sorry!" Spencer repeats himself, making me bite my lip from laughter. He has eidetic memory, and yet, he still 'forgets' his pants when he takes them off everyday he comes home from work.

Taking his badge off his belt and placing it on the counter, I begin dismantling everything else as well. The last thing to remove is his gun and holster, and with this clunky thing, I try as hard as I can to not let it make a sound as I put it on the countertop. Spencer has been very quiet for the past few minutes, and if he's fallen asleep, I don't want to accidentally wake him up.

I just hope he's not quiet because he's worrying himself sick. As of lately, he's had a stalker that the BAU can't seem to figure out who they are. They know they're male, going by the style of handwriting, and they know he has a pattern. Every Tuesday, a letter is sent to Spencer's desk at the BAU, and yet, there's never a return address or fingerprints to go off of. Today was Tuesday, and for some reason, Spencer didn't receive anything. It worried Spencer a lot, but I'm just hoping the stalker has given up; however, his previous letters show no sign of him doing this which makes this all more worrisome.

"No, no, please," I hear Spencer's voice from the bedroom once more, making my eyes go wide as I quickly catch onto the fright and panic in his tone. Who is he talking to? Especially when I've been in this bathroom no longer than five minutes, and I didn't hear a phone ring or anything.

"You are Spencer Reid," My ears catch a very unfamiliar voice, causing me to fully come to a halt with Spencer's revolver still in my hand. Who the hell is in my house? And how the hell did they get in?

Silently padding over to the bathroom doorway, I try as hard as I can to crack open the door enough to see who's in our house. As I do so, I feel my heart beat a mile a minute, and the little girl in my stomach still hasn't given up on her kicking assault. "Your birthday is October of nineteen-eighty-one. Your mother,"

The man pauses to laugh, appearing as if he were trying to mock Spencer; I take this chance to open the doorway as much as I can without alerting the man, and thankfully, it seems to be a success. "The poor old broad can't decipher through her own mind - never has been able to," The man continues. "Finally, you turn eighteen, you send her away, and you go on to live your own life in college and, soon enough, the BAU,"

Slowly peeking around the corner, I see the man talking to a very wide-awake Spencer with his gun raised at him, no mask concealing his face. Instead, his entire body is covered in black material spanning from a dark turtleneck all the way down to pitch black slacks and charcoal boots. Yet, his head and face are completely visible to anyone who sees him, and going by the fact that he's doing such a thing, he thinks he's going to get away with it and not get caught. Not on my watch.

"You've spent- no, wasted! Wasted nearly eleven years of your life on a job that prevents you from actually having a life!" At the mans words, I squint my eyes while readying Spencer's gun in my hands. "Face it, doctor Reid - you are nothing! I am smart - we are smart! But you have married yourself to your job that doesn't need you; it needs me," with that, the man pauses once again, but this time, he begins to pant, obviously worked up over what he's been saying. This guy has to be one of the most conceited guys to walk the earth.

"Now," The man states, leveling his eyesight with the gun once again. "Was there anything I missed?"

At this point, I come around the bathroom corner with Spencer's gun raised at the man. Through the sights, I see the two small pieces of metal lining up with the mans head, and in my peripherals, I see Spencer warily nod his head as he glances over me with extreme and utter nervousness.

"Uh, y-yes, actually," my husband answers, swallowing down his worry as the fate of his life rests at the tip of my fingers. Now that I think about it, if it weren't for Spencer's bad habit of leaving his pants in the middle of the bathroom floor, I wouldn't have the ability to save him right now.

Just as the man turns around, I line up the sights with his head once again as I pull the hammer back, the trigger following soon after. Watching as the man quickly goes down with no life left in him, only slight convulsions surging through him now, I slowly let my hands fall back to my side as the realization of what just occurred passes through me. I just shot someone... someone who was threatening my husband's life, but still! I've never done that before, and I never want to have to do it ever again!

Within a few moments of my eyes widening in shock, I feel Spencer take me into his arms while slowly taking the gun out of my hand and tossing it onto our bed. "You did so well, love," Spencer assures me in my ear, making me slowly sit on the ground with him as shock runs through me. I'm so stunned by what just happened that I can barely breathe. "You did good, baby, you did so good. I'm so proud of you."

Despite Spencer's words running through my head, I find myself suddenly gasping as I realize something. "Baby! The baby!" I almost shout, turning my head toward Spencer as my now free hand falls to my thirty-week old bump. "Spence, the-the noise, the noise! Could the noise have hurt her ears?"

Immediately, Spencer shakes his head before moving to place his hand on top of mine, his other hand raising at the same time to wipe away the sudden rush of tears falling down my face. "No, no, she's fine, (Y/n), she's fine," Spencer assures me, gently rubbing his thumb against my clothed belly. "The muscles and amniotic fluid protect her, so when the noise does reach her ears, it's extremely muffled," he further explains, gently taking my face into his hands to turn me toward him. "But I am going to have a medic look over you and the baby when they get here, okay?"

Keeping my eyes on his, I nod before laying my head against his chest, a small sigh falling from my lips. "He was the stalker, right?" I ask Spencer, my eyes flickering up to his face as his hand reaches down to gently card through my hair.

Spencer simply nods. "Yeah, he was," he tells me, making me shake my head. "The way he spoke, it's how he wrote his letters," Spencer further explains, "He was an obvious narcissist with a superiority complex - just like his letters."

That would explain the man's words from earlier and how selfish they all were. Although, what if the cops don't believe us and arrest me in spite of what's been going on? I know Spencer wouldn't have gotten in trouble shooting him as a BAU agent, but what about me?

"Spencer, am I going to jail?" I immediately ask, my eyes growing wide as panic sets in my chest.

"No, no, you aren't, and you need to calm down," Spencer tells me, holding my head to his chest as he kisses my temple. He's trying to comfort me while also preventing me from looking over at the dead man currently lying on our bedroom floor. "You did nothing wrong, that was self-defense, and you protected me as well as save me from the man who was going to kill me, no doubt," he points out, his voice growing softer with every word. "You're awesome, love."

In response to his comment, I find myself lightly laughing with tears rising to my eyes again. That's what I usually tell Spencer when he gets back from a case and they successfully stopped a killer. Even if the case goes awry and Spencer returns home sad or disappointed in himself, I still remind him of my usual compliment. Now, much to my disbelief, the roles have reversed and now it is me who has stopped the bad guy.

Once my breathing is slowed and my panic has settled down, Spencer helps me go back to our bathroom where he makes me stay. Without wasting anymore time, Spencer grabs his phone from his side table and dials the police before walking through the house with his gun in hand to make sure there are no other intruders. Thankfully, there isn't, and Spencer soon returns to the bathroom to take me out to the living room, getting me as far away from the dead body as he can all the while making sure I remain comfortable.

Sitting behind me on the couch, Spencer makes me lie between his legs as I rest my back against his chest, his right hand rubbing soothing circles against my bump while he uses his other to dial up his team. Thankfully, soon of them are still at the office working late when Spencer calls.

"(Y/n) shot the stalker?" I hear Derek's familiar tone over the phone as Spencer explains the situation. As he goes on, the sound of sirens in the distance slowly grow closer, and the only thing I can do is hold a hand to my swollen tummy as our little girl gives the occasional kick to my ribs.

"Yes, directly in the head," Spencer answers Derek with a quick glance over to our bedroom where the dead body remains, the spilled blood from his wound no doubt soaking into floor. I never would have listed 'blood is easier to clean up' as a pro when choosing hardwood over carpet. "She shot like a trained officer."

Spencer's comment warrants a rare chuckle from their boss. "Too bad she wasn't able to help you when you failed your shooting test and needed to retake it," Hotch's voice pipes up from the background, causing Spencer to let out a little 'hey!' in response. In light of the situation, I laugh a little at that. I can remember him calling me after failing it and I had to tell him it was okay. Of course, in his mind, it wasn't.

"I don't fail tests." I remember him telling me, making me laugh. No matter what I said, he still continued on about failing the test, unable to let it go.

"The team will be here in a few minutes, okay?" I hear him tell me, bringing me out of my thoughts and back to the moment. I hadn't even realized he ended the call with his team.

Still, I nod back at him, only a few seconds passing before he's leaning over and pressing his lips against my cheek. "It'll all be okay," He assures me, making me slightly nod with another small shuddered breath. "I promise," He further assures me, sensing my anxiety. "I'd never let anything happen to my hero~"

[megistusdiary]

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 𝖊𝖓𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝖇𝖑𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

dom!succubus yae miko x sub!fem reader

warnings: smut (mdni), wlw content, miko has claws/fangs, she's a bit obsessed with you + steals you at the end

contains: shibari, cunnilingus, pussy slapping, tribbing, orgasm denial, overstimulation

pt. 1 of the succubus au miniseries

word count: 2.0k

miko is the type of succubus to enjoy her prey to the fullest. once she has you ensnared in your very own dream, she holds nothing back. yet something about you taunts her.

each time she seeks you out, she just can't seem to settle on the right time to feed on your lust. she's been watching you for quite some time now. she's always rather finnicky with her food, taking her time to select the perfect prey. but there's something about you that has her curious.

she's usually the type to lure her pretty toys with a few wet dreams. soon enough, they're practically begging for something, anything, without even realizing it's her they want. it only takes her a few days to figure them out, really. once she gets what she needs, she discards her toys, thrown away to find the next docile little thing to sink her teeth into.

she's been watching you for a longer time than she usually wastes on humans. considering she's a succubus, she has the ability to walk in dreams, though she can also walk unnoticed (if she wishes) through your version of reality. miko follows you around, observing your day-to-day activities. she finds it monotonous, trying to find an angle to use to drag you to her.

slowly, she begins to pay more attention. rather than just watching, she starts to notice things about you. the little quirks only perceptive beings would spot. the way you tap your foot when you work, the way you bite the inside of your cheek, the little creases of your eyebrows when you're annoyed. it almost makes her sick how she can actually anticipate your actions before you do them.

miko walks through your life like a ghost alongside you. she's haunted by you, and she doesn't know why. she wants you all to herself. not just for the night, she wants to possess you entirely. she wants to figure out what makes you tick, and then she wants to strip it all away to make you into her perfect pet to please and feed on.

but another part of her, the strange, new, sensitive part, wants to keep you close to her for something she's never felt before. this... feeling is not possessive, no. this is as close to what humans call 'love' as a demon like her could manage, she thinks. she likes watching you laugh. the way your lips curl up in amusement at stupid jokes from your friends. your smile is infectious, and she thinks it cruel that she isn't the reason she sees you smile.

she itches to touch your skin, your hair, to run her fingers down your spine. she wants your body, yes, but she wants to keep you. maybe you could be her pretty little pet, cure her strange obsession for you so she can move on. she's tried before to forget about you, but she can't bring herself to.

yet, she wonders why she hasn't just taken care of all this yet. why hasn't she simply taken you? she never really needs to make her prey desperate for her. that's just all in good fun for bored succubi like her. it makes the chase all the more fun. so, why does she torment herself with watching you and never anything more?

sometimes she catches you at night, playing with yourself beneath your blankets. soon enough, all tuckered out from your little session, you fall asleep. she knows this is the prime moment, but she wants to draw it out subconsciously. it's nearing obsession the way she edges herself with you. her fingers itch to touch you, but she refrains, practically punishing herself.

but then it happens. a night when you've come home exhausted, which, albeit isn't a rare occurrence. something about you seems off tonight, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. you climb into bed, stripping yourself with one goal in mind, to which miko watches you eagerly.

she's almost disappointed when your session ends with you simply growing more frustrated, tossing the covers over yourself and curling up on your side. her tail stops moving, drooping without her even realizing as her brows furrow. how boring.

well, surely this was her cue?

the logical part of her brain tells her it's merely because your body would still be aroused, still prepared to orgasm.

her heart tells her it's because you were obviously upset, and you didn't even get the relief you desperately chased. poor little human, unable to find pleasure on her own.

she feels bad for you, sneaking into your little dreamworld and seeing the image of you curled up in your bed. she approaches you confidently, a little smirk on her lips as she drags her finger up your blanket-covered body, tapping the tip of your nose.

you wake up slowly, looking up at her with furrowed brows. "is this a dream?" you ask suddenly, and she laughs, turning to the side and covering her fangs with her palm.

"oh, aren't you adorable." she coos, pinching your cheek. she leans down, cupping your jaw and puffing your lips out. "you look so tired, little one." she glances off, her hand taking a more gentle touch than she would with any others.

she can see you eyeing her tail curiously as it sways, curling up behind her body. her thumb gently strokes your skin, and she smiles almost wickedly. "you're so cute, i could just eat you up..." her eyes trail down your blankets, falling on where your waist would be. "you're lucky i like my prey a little slutty." she pinches your cheek, giving you no time to react to her words. "you're practically dripping, i can smell it."

she yanks the blankets off, revealing the wet patch on your panties and your surprised little face. you can't even manage to hide it before she's pushing your thighs open wide with clawed hands. they dig into your skin, leaving little indentations in your thighs as she leans in. you swear her eyes glow in the darkness of your room, focusing on your panties.

her clawed fingers trace over your clothed cunt, teasingly scraping the sharp points over your clit, feeling you squirm from the light sensations. she laughs, leaning up and suddenly bringing her palm down over your pussy. it's a dull thud and a slight pain that makes you yelp, thighs struggling to close as she keeps a firm hold on one.

"so sensitive too. what a little treat, and all for me?" she slides her free hand up to your jaw, tilting your already glassy eyes up to hers. "all for me?" she repeats, lightly squeezing your jaw.

and, really, you're not quite sure what takes over you when you respond with a meek little, "yes, all for you." slightly muffled by her hold on your face. she pats your cheek, satisfied as she settles back down between your legs.

she rips your panties right off you, tossing them away haphazardly, grinning up with sharp fangs. she nips your thigh just to hear you gasp for her before she licks a slow, fat stripe up your cunt. her tongue is skilled as she circles your clit, teasing your sensitive nerves as you begin to squirm.

you just can't help it. she feels so good, and your hips move on their own, grinding on your tongue. and then, once more, she slaps your pussy. considering it's your bare flesh now, it stings more, and she delights in your whiny little cry for her.

"bad girl." she chastises. "keep still for me." she warns, biting your skin again before diving back in.

you do your best to stay still, trying not to move your hips, but when she slides her tongue into your dripping hole, your hips jump. she suddenly lets out an almost disappointed sigh, pulling away. your slick still coats her lips and part of her face as she stares down at you.

"no! please- please wanna-"

"you're a disobedient little thing." she tuts, ignoring you. "you're lucky i like little brats." she drags a hand up your jaw, booping your nose before summoning ropes in her hands. it all happens so fast, and suddenly, you find yourself completely tied up.

intricate red rope knots cover your body, keeping you all tied up in a way she has easy access to your pussy, but one where you can't move at all. you struggle against the ropes, whining at her and she grins. "what's the matter?"

"'m sorry!" you whimper and she shakes her head.

"aw, but this doesn't have to be a punishment, does it? it's not so bad, being all tied up for me. you're much cuter when i don't have to keep reminding you of the rules." she covers her smile with the back of her palm. she leans back down, eyeing your dripping pussy. "you're wet enough, i'd say."

she sits up, making you watch as she slowly, teasingly strips. she unties the delicate strings holding her outfit together, revealing her breasts first. she lets the fabric slide down her stomach before she pulls it away to reveal her bare body. she cups her own breasts, seeing your desperate gaze.

"wanna touch, please?" you ask her and she sighs, teasing her own nipples with a wicked grin.

"if you're a good girl, maybe i'll let you. that's something you have to earn." she answers, positioning herself over you. she spreads your thighs, her cunt hovering over yours. "now, be a good little toy, and stay very still while i use you."

she slides her pussy over yours, her clit rubbing against yours as you mewl loudly for her, already sensitive from being edged earlier. she laughs wickedly, grinding more firmly. her grip on your legs is harsh, but the pleasure from her rubbing against you is sending your mind reeling.

"ah, sweetheart- you're drenched. you feel so good." she muses, head falling forward as she uses you entirely for her own pleasure. she drinks up your pathetic mewls and whimpers.

"close, i'm close, please, please-" you begin to babble, tears forming in your eyes as you desperately beg for her.

"go on, cum for me like the little slutty human you are." her ears flick, the jewelry in them jingling as she uses your body.

she feels your release against her, making it even more slick. you sigh with relief, only to whimper and cry when she keeps going. she grabs your face, shutting your mouth. "i didn't get to cum yet, don't be selfish. besides, you were begging me just a minute ago to cum. i'm letting you cum as many times as i decide. isn't that so generous of me?" she nods your head for you, patting your cheek and continuing to grind against you.

once she's wrung two more orgasms from you, she's sat herself right onto your face, riding your tongue as her clawed hands destroy your pillows. she uses you like you're nothing more than a toy to her, grinding her clit on your nose and completely suffocating you.

all you can feel, smell, hear, see, and taste are her.

she coos at you, so condescending as she cums on your tongue. "drink it all up, it's all for you. so strange that such a filthy little thing like you can get me so worked up. ah, looking after you had me pent up for the longest time." she smiles down at you, untying the knots as you lay limply on the bed.

she cups your cheek, her heart skipping a beat when you nuzzle into her palm like a little kitten.

"oh, it's a shame you're so cute. i almost feel bad for what i'm about to do. almost." she pets your head, letting you fall asleep in your dream.

she sneaks back out into the real world, picking up your sleeping body, carrying you off to her dimension. perhaps you'd be an interesting pet for her, indeed.

after all, miko wasn't quite done with you yet. she just can't help it that she's the possessive type ♡

[thechaoticdruid]

°•IF THE BG3 COMPANIONS BABYSAT YOUR KIDS!•°

Lae'zel

Congratulations your children are spending an afternoon at boot camp!

You can rest assured they will be treated fairly at least.

No favoritism going on here.

Anyone who misbehaves shall be sent to solidarity confinement and left there until....Idk

If they want a snack they WILL have to fight one another in a duel to the death.

Or at least until one of them falls down and cries.

To the winner go the cookies.

Or more accurately maybe some giant space hamster jerky.

Karlach

This is assuming her engine has been fixed, naturally.

The kids absolutely love Auntie K.

Legit can carry them all on her shoulders at once.

She gives the best hugs too and is always so nice and warm.

She is up to play any games with them! Especially ones where she pretends to be a monster and chases them around.

Very protective of the little ones.

Brings them new stuffies each time she visits.

You MUST remind her constantly to watch her language around the little ones!

Gale

Arrives via magic portal.

Brings Tara to help him.

Takes it very personally if one of the children don't like him.

Tries to impress them via magic and creates a magical illusion to entertain the kiddos.

Attempts to teach them everything he knows about the weave.

Takes it very hard if the children fall asleep during his lecture.

Must be consoled by Tara.

If any take an interest in the weave they immediately become his favorite.

You'll probably end up coming home to your home appliances floating or having some kind of enchantment on them.

Halsin

Yes he turns into a bear and lets them ride on his back.

Most time is spent outside enjoying nature and all of its beauty.

Will carry the littlest one on his shoulders at all times.

Always brings healthy snacks, mostly fruit like apple slices.

Proceeds to take them to a nearby pond to feed the ducks.

Widdles them little animal figures to play with.

No TV or video games. The thought of technology taking over their lives makes him sick.

We play outside or we don't play at all.

Doesn't mind them grabbing at his ears, if they can even reach them that is!

He has to remind one of them multiple times that he unfortunately cannot turn into a dragon.

Sad sad truth.

Shadowheart

Makes cute little flower crowns with them.

Helps the little ones feel better if any of them are afraid of the dark.

Is very good at comforting them.

Possibly might be one of the older one's first goth girl crush.

Badmouths Lae'zel in front of them shamelessly.

Always puts on a tim Burton movie or something for them to watch.

Definitely the reason for any of their emo phases.

They think she's really cool though.

Wyll

Always the first to volunteer to babysit.

Man has the patience of a saint and can handle even the most unruly of children.

Always talks them up and is very careful to never put them down.

Tells them all kinds of exciting stories of his time as the Blade.

Makes sure to adjust them to be suitable for the kiddos.

Leaves out the scary parts.

If any of them are mean to one another and can't get along he's the type to make them each say something nice about the other as a punishment.

Let's them play with toy swords and teaches them a thing or two about using them.

Never raises his voice at them. Is super calm and collected.

Loves them all to pieces!

Also may or may not take them out to get ice cream if they're good.

Astarion

Assuming this is Spawnstarion we're talking about because the vampire Ascendant would just laugh in your face if you asked him then slam the door on you.

Our sweet little spawn will also likely laugh and think you're joking at first.

"You seriously want a vampire to watch over your children?"

Assuming you pay him and be sure to give him big sweet puppy dog eyes he may consider it.

This man is a very not my child not my problem kind of guy.

Gets annoyed with all the children asking tedious vampire questions and responds with very sarcastic answers.

Does not approve of them wanting to touch his ears.

Agrees to let them see his fangs in hopes to scare them (the mischievous little shit).

The children instead think they're cool, which confuses him. He really isn't sure how to feel about it.

Threatens to eat them if they get on his nerves.

Spends most of the time on the sofa, boredly reading a magazine or watching television.

Miraculously takes a shine to one of the younger girls who call him pretty and compliments his clothes and hair.

This is also given the girl is a little mischief gremlin who pulls pranks on her older siblings.

He lets her paint his nails purple or red while she gossips about her mother/father's new partner or her siblings.

Unapologetically shows her favoritism and lets her sit on his lap and watch TV with him.

Will not bat an eye if the other children run a muck and destroy shit.

Legit just keeps watching TV. Probably some drama filled 'reality' show.

He actually finds the chaos caused by the children quite amusing.

One of the children somehow ends up on the roof.

Once the parents are home and it's time to leave. The youngest girl gives him a hug.

His eyes get all big and round and almost threaten to tear up.

Astarion is not asked to babysit again.

Sorry some of them are so short, I mostly write for Astarion so I'm not very confident at doing the other characters.

Hope you like it though!

[callsign-dexter]

Coach Bradford

Summary: Tim, your father, agrees to coach your softball team along with Lucy.

Pairings: Tim Bradford x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, Tim being Tim, swearing, injury, blood, hospital

Masterlist

Summer was officially here and that meant that travel softball was starting. You loved softball. You've loved it ever since you could remember. You had played it for most of your life starting from t-ball all the way up to fast pitch. You were the best player on the team. You could pitch, hit, catch, be infield and be outfield. You were just in elementary school ending 5th grade and already so good. Maybe it was because your dad, Tim Bradford, was a baseball lover and a hard ass when it came to practicing but he was only doing to help you. He would never push you too hard to the point of physical hurting yourself.

Playing softball took your mind off your mother not being there. She had left when you were young but you were old enough to understand what was going on. You threw yourself into softball which you just grown to love and it became one of your favorite hobbies.

You loved your team and your coach and coach assistants. You also loved that your dad, his girlfriend, Lucy Chen, and the rest of the group, John Nolan and Bailey Nune, Wesely Evers and Angela Lopez, Nyla Harper and James Murray, Celina Juarez, Aaron Thorson, and Wade Grey and Luna Grey, showed up to your games whenever possible.

Currently, your coach had to step away for a family emergency. The assistant coach was out sick, and the other coach was sick along with his wife, who was the assistant coach, but their kid was fine and staying with another friend. That meant a parent needed to step in. You being you volunteered your father and to say he was surprised but he would do it for you anyway.

You had just come to the station after practice still in your softball gear. You had been dropped off by your friend's parents. You walked into the station and greeted the front desk and they smiled and greeted back and let you go. As you were walking you ran into the first person you liked to play practical jokes on, Quigley Smitty. "Hello, Smitty." You said sweetly knowing it would unnerve him.

"Hello Mini Bradford." He said

"How are you?" You asked and he eyed you suspiciously.

"Fine." He said and you smiled.

"That's good. I'll see you around." You said and winked at him and walked off. He shivered you had played some pranks on him that made him scared of you. As you were walking further into the station you saw your dad. "Hey, Dad!" You said enthusiastically and he turned around and smiled.

"Hey, Sweetheart. How was practice?" He asked

"It was good. Coach had to tend to a family emergency and the assistant coach is out sick along with his wife." You said and he nodded. He knew the coaches and knew they wouldn't miss anything unless absolutely necessary.

"So who is going to be coaching you?" He asked as Lucy came up along with Angela and Harper.

"Oh you are." You said just so casually.

"Wait what?" He asked surprised.

"Yea they needed someone and I volunteered you." You said and the three girls snickered.

"What?" He asked turning to them.

"Oh it's nothing really but I can't see you coaching." Lucy said trying not to laugh.

"Well get used to it because you're helping him." You said smirking and her laughing stopped.

"What? Seriously?" She asked and you nodded and now it was his turn to laugh. "You know what? I would love to teach your team with you." Lucy said and you smiled.

"Thank you." You said

"Sweetheart, you know I would love coach too. You just took me by surprise." He said and you nodded.

"I know but none of the other parents know what they're doing but I knew you did. So, I volunteered you." You said now feeling guilty for now talking it over with him but they needed a decision right then and there. "I'm sorry for not talking to you about it. They needed someone right then and there." You said and everyone's heart broke.

"It's ok really. Lucy and I would love to coach you. It's not a problem." Your dad said and Lucy nodded.

"He's right. We would love to do anything for you." Lucy said and you looked at the two of them.

"Really?" You asked and they nodded.

"Although Tim may be a hard ass he would do anything for you, Y/N." Angela said

"She's right. When is next practice?" He asked

"Tomorrow at 8 AM. We don't stop until 3 PM." You said and they nodded.

"Perfect. Now go into Grey's office and wait until the shift is over." Your dad said and you nodded and headed off that way.

"You coaching? I would love to see this." Harper said smirking.

"I love coaching. You'll see it her next game." He said and then walked off. Lucy stayed behind and was about to say something but Tim's voice sounded "Chen!" He yelled.

"Uh yup! I'm coming!" She yelled back and took off after him.

"This is going to be interesting." Angela said

"You know it." Harper said and they walked off together talking about their recent case.

---------------------------------------------------

The next morning bright and early you were at the field with your team and Lucy. Everyone was on the field and they gathered around your dad and Lucy. "So what do you all do first?" Lucy asked.

"We usually stretch and then some of us start with some passing. The rest usually go with batting along and then some pitching and catching." Millie, your friend and main catcher, said your dad and Lucy nodded.

"Alright, we'll start with that. How many goes where usually?" Lucy asked before he could even though he knew the answer.

"Usually we have three groups of three practicing. 3 passing, 3 batting, and 3 pitching and catching." Samantha said and again they nodded.

"Alright get to stretching. We're going to need a third person." Your dad said and everyone scattered.

"Ok." Lucy thought "What about Harper and Angela?" She asked and Tim laughed.

"Yeah, that's a no-go." Tim said

"Nolan?" She asked

"He would be too nice to say no. Give him a call." Tim said and Lucy nodded and headed off to call him as Tim started to instruct on exercises.

6 minutes later Nolan was rolling up to the field with his fiancée Bailey Nune. You loved them both and were so happy to have them here. Tim gave him the run down and practice was started. Tim had tried not to be a hard ass because that's how his father was but he was organized and your team was really good. He wasn't surprised and neither was Lucy, Nolan, or Bailey because they had seen your team play and man were you guys good. You were only 5th graders and already good your goal was to play throughout middle school and high school.

Now that there was an extra person to help real practice began. You, Millie, and Samantha went with Tim to start practicing passing. Three went with Lucy to start batting. The last three went with Bailey and Nolan to start pitching and catching. Once the amount of time your dad thought was needed for each was up the groups switched. Breaks were given in between if needed.

Practice went really well. Some parents showed up and some had to work so they got a ride with a friend. Tim was afraid that he was going to need to be a hard ass but it turned out that was not the case and he knew that deep down but he was still afraid. "Alright girls! Bring it in!" Your dad yelled and everyone came in. "For the last few minutes of practice we're gonna run some plays. I'll be batting and Y/N will be pitching. Then we'll be switching it up and I will be hitting the ball to certain parts of the field." He added and everyone nodded.

"Got it!" Everyone said and you all were heading to your positions. Lucy, Bailey, and Nolan all stood to the side and the drill started. You started to pitch and some of them he could hit and others he couldn't and he was proud of that. After a few minutes of that it was time for him to hit the ball to different positions.

"Outfield!" He yelled and hit the ball and it went to the outfield and Amy got it threw it into Millie and it was a hard and fast throw and Lucy was impressed. "Good work!" Your dad yelled out and you smiled. "Alright infield!" He yelled and hit it directly at you and you got it then you passed it to, Christine, first base and then she passed it to Jennifer, third base, and then she finally passed it to Elizabeth, second base. Then the ball was passed back to you. That drill was practiced a few more times and different ways and then practice was over. Everyone huddled in.

"Great work guys. I'm impressed." Lucy said and everyone smiled.

"Thank you." Everyone said

"Next game is when?" Nolan asked

"Friday. Noon. Here." You replied and he nodded. More information was given and then everyone was breaking for the end of practice. You couldn't wait for the next game. The team you were going up against was at the same level your team was and it made you nervous but you had faith in your team and knew everything was going to be great.

On the ride home your father had stopped at your favorite place to eat and got you lunch/supper and then you both were headed home. "You did great. Everyone did great." He said and you smiled.

"Thank you that means so much to me and us. We work hard and we love the game." You said as he pulled into the driveway.

"That's what makes the game fun. I know it is a way for you to cope from when your mom left and I'm sorry for that." He said as he killed the engine and you shook your head.

"It's not your fault she loved being undercover more than her family. You don't think she'll show up do you?" You asked

"Do you want her to?" He questioned

"Would it be bad if I said not really?" You asked and he shook his head and smiled at you sympathetically.

"No, Sweetheart. Not at all." He said and you nodded "Lets go and eat and then spend the evening together binge watching our favorite show together." He added and you nodded and hugged him.

"Thank you, Dad." You said and he smiled.

"Anytime, Sweetheart." He said and kissed you sweaty head. "On second thought maybe you should take a shower after you eat. You're gross." He said and you slightly hit him.

"Rude." You said and he laughed.

"I was just joking. Seriously though you need to take a shower before after we eat." He said and you chuckled.

"I know." You said and the both of you went inside and ate. You then took a shower and then spent the evening together watching your favorite show together.

---------------------------------------------------

Friday came around and it was game day and you were nervous and felt that something was going to go wrong. You didn't want to bring this up to your dad because he had a lot going on right now and you knew that he would overreact. So you put on a brave face and got ready to go to the field.

When you got to the field some of your teammates were already there. Once you got there the rest of the team arrived along with Lucy, Nolan, and Bailey. Your dad had you guys practice some. Once he thought you all had enough it was time to rest and get ready to play. As you were resting and talking with your teammates you saw Grey, Luna, Angela, Wesley, Harper, James, Celina, and Aaron show up and you smiled and waved when they saw you. Your dad, Lucy, Nolan, and Bailey saw them too and they walked over. Everyone greeted each other and chit chatted and then it was time for the two teams to take the field. First up to pitch was your team.

You pitched and struck most of them out and the ones that got a hit were caught or tagged out. That feeling of something going wrong was pushed to the back of your mind and you were focused on the game. There had been a few close calls but you either ducked in time or caught the ball. You caught the ball in some fancy ways and everyone was impressed.

You had just pitched the ball and the other team hit it. The ball came back at you and you got it backhanded and then threw it. There was a player on first and when you pitched the second pitch they started to run the ball came to you and you caught it high and spun around and threw it to Christine, everyone cheered and you smiled. The third pitch was contacted with the bat and once again came to you and it was low so you dived for it and caught it and while still on the ground you threw it to Christine making sure the batter was out. That was three outs and it was your team's turn to bat. Your dad had been supportive and loving all the plays that were happening. As you headed to the dugout to change out gear and grab your bat. "Damn Tim you got yourself a real star there." Wesley said and that made him smile.

"I sure do." He replied

"I have to admit that you're really good at coaching." Harper said admitting defeat.

"He is amazing. I think he should keep coaching when he can." Lucy said and your dad laughed.

"This is a one time deal. I would rather be on the other side of the fence." He said

"Oh come on. You have to admit this is a little fun." Nolan said as he tended to the team with water bottles and words of encouragement.

"It is really fun." Bailey said

"Yes it is fun but I know that I'll just push it to far one time. I don't feel like ruining that relationship with Y/N/N.

"That's understandable." Grey said and Luna nodded and hugged his side.

"I have a bad feeling that something is going to happen." Celina said

"Everything is going to be fine." Aaron said but she was still apprehensive about it.

"I'm sure they wouldn't put these kids in danger. Right, Tim?" Angela asked

"That's right their priority and safety comes first but accidents do happen." He replied

"They're doing great." James said and your dad smiled.

"That they are." He said and then it was time to get back to the game. The other team may be good but your team was better. Each pitch was hit and runners were on base. Before you knew it the game was 4-0 with your team leading. It was your time to bat and you were nervous but you had to do this for your team. You took a few practice swings and could hear the parents and the others cheering you on. The ball was pitched and you swung, your bat made contact with the ball and it was out of the park giving you a homerun and sending the player on base home. The score was now 6-0 with your team leading.

Finally it was your turn to pitch again and the game was coming to a close. You threw a few warm-up pitches and then it was game on. The first few pitches were good and nothing had happened but that feeling something bad was going to happen came back. You threw the pitch and the other player hit the ball and it was a line drive to you and you tried to catch it but it hit you in the face and took you down. The crowd made a noise of hurt. You were grabbed the ball and threw it to Christine even though you were in pain. Then you were collapsing in pain and was close to blacking out and as your dad arrived with the others and the other coaches you were out cold and not moving. Bailey jumped into action. "Y/N can you hear me?" She asked but got no response.

"Y/N. Sweetheart." Your dad said but again no response.

"Call 911." Lucy said looking up at anyone.

"Already on it." Grey said as he had his phone to his ear. He walked slightly away and in a few seconds came back. "They'll be here in 2 minutes." He said.

"She's breathing and has a strong pulse." Bailey said but you still hadn't woken up and that sacred your dad. There was blood running down your face. "It looked like she got hit in the temple." She said and everyone nodded and agreed. "She was conscious enough to throw the ball so that is good." She said.

"I think she hit her head going down too. It would explain the blood." Angela said. The others had gone out to get direct the paramedics to you and they had just rolled in and onto the field. They assed you and Bailey gave them the run down and then they were loading you onto the gurney and taking you off the field and into the ambulance. The umpires called the game and your team ended up winning. Now it was a trip to the hospital. Tim rode with you while everyone stayed back to wrap things up and then they would be meeting you at the hospital.

---------------------------------------------------

They had taken you back fairly quickly leaving your dad in the waiting room. About 10 minutes later the others were joining him. "Any news?" Harper asked and your dad shook his head.

"No they took her back to run some tests but she hasn't woken up." He said

"Oh man. This sucks." Aaron said and everyone nodded.

"She's going to be ok." Grey said

"I agree. Have you seen who her dad is?" Lucy asked smiling and everyone chuckled.

"Thanks guys." He said

"Anytime." Angela said and just about that time your doctor came out.

"Bradford?" He asked and your dad was standing up and fast.

"That's me. I'm her father." He said and the doctor nodded.

"I'm Dr. Tango. You have one strong little girl. She's awake and just has a concussion. It seems like she passed out because that is how her body was dealing with the stress. I want to keep her overnight and check in on her in the morning. She's awake now and she can sleep but she'll need to be woken up every few hours and asked questions and monitored for any signs of change in how she looks or acts." Dr. Tango said and he nodded.

"Can we see her now?" Your dad asked and Dr. Tango nodded.

"I'll have a nurse lead you to her room." He said and he did just that. When they reached you, you looked so out of it but when you saw your dad you lit up.

"Daddy?" You asked and he smiled with tears in his eyes and he walked over to you.

"Hey, Sweetheart you scared us." He said

"I'm sorry." You said and he shook his head.

"Nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault. Accidents happen." He said

"I knew something bad was going to happen but didn't want to tell you." You said and he smiled and shook his head "What?" You asked.

"Celina had a feeling something was going to happen to." He said and you looked over at her.

"I knew I liked her." You said smiling and everyone chuckled and she came over and hugged you. "Thank you everyone." You added as she pulled away.

"For what?" Bailey asked

"For being there at the game and helping me." You said

"We would've done it even if you weren't playing. You're our everything." Angela said and you smiled.

The rest of the day/night in the hospital was filled with games, food, chit chat, sleep and yes being woken up every few hours and asked the most simplest questions it was annoying but you knew it was necessary. When it was time for everyone to go home it was just you and your dad. You yawned and he smiled. "Go to sleep. I'll wake you up when I need to." He said and you nodded and laid down. As you were drifting off to sleep your mind drifted at the love and support you had and that made you feel good inside and smile.

"Dad?" You asked and he looked up from his phone.

"Yes, Sweetheart?" He asked

"I love you." You said and he smiled and leaned up and kissed you forehead.

"I love you too." He said as you closed your eyes and leaned into him. Yeah you had a pretty good support system and you weren't letting them go any time soon. No matter what the world threw at you.

Tag list:

@callsigns-haze

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading 

@callsign-revenge

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The Truth of the Matter

A/N: Warning dirty talk and misunderstandings of a certain word.

Summary: One day, Eddie, Dustin, Lucas, and Mike decide to summon a fairy. . .it's Steve Harrington. Chaos ensues. Pre-season 4, pre-Steddie.

Eddie pouted as he sat down on his throne. He was really looking forward to playing tonight, but Gareth, Jeff, and Frankie were all out sick. They had all gotten mono, which is what they get for practicing kissing. Gareth immediately yelled at him for that comment. Apparently, that's not what happened. Eddie was cackling to himself when the door opened. Dustin, Mike, and Lucas all filtered in talking excitedly.

"Hey, buttheads, did you not get the memo? Hellfire has been canceled," Eddie said.

"We thought you were joking," Dustin said.

"You never cancel Hellfire for anything," Lucas frowned.

"Well, Jeff, Gareth, and Frankie are all out sick with the kissing disease," Eddie said.

"Oh, that's right, they weren't at lunch," Mike said.

"Well, now what?" Lucas asked.

"You boys want to perform a spell?" Eddie said. "I found this cool little book at a Flea Market. Want to try it?"

Mike, Lucas, and Dustin all shared weary looks.

"Uh. . . "

"What? Don't be a bunch of chicken shits. Nothing is going to happen. It's just for fun," Eddie said. "What could possibly go wrong?"

"Of course, nothing is going to happen," Dustin said laughing. "That would he crazy."

"You're laughing a little hard there, Henderson," Eddie said. "It's not like I'm going to accidentally open a portal to hell."

Now, it was Lucas, Dustin, and Mike all laughing rather loudly. Eddie gave them all strange looks.

"Robes!" Eddie exclaimed, clapping his hands.

"We have those?" Lucas asked, and Eddie just cackled.

Several moments later, they lowered the lights and slipped on robes that covered their faces. Lit candles were scattered around them as Eddie opened a leather bound book in front of them.

"Why in the fuck did I get stuck with the pink robe?" Mike asked. "Why are all the others black and this one is pink?"

"You were too slow, Mike. Now, hush," Dustin said.

"What are we summoning?" Lucas asked.

"A fairy," Eddie replied.

"Why a fairy?" He asked.

"Well, according to this book, fairies have extraordinary healing abilities, bring you good luck, and have the ability to shield you from harm," Eddie said. "Sounds cool although, sometimes they have shitty luck themselves, so I don't know how that works."

"It also says they're loneliest creatures on the planet because they're wildly misunderstood," Dustin read over his shoulder. "Rather than harming children like some think, these creatures do everything in their power to protect them from harm. Most of the time, it is because they themselves were stolen in the night as children to be used by human greed. Aw, why didn't you say you just wanted to summon a lonely fairy who protects children?"

"Shut it, Henderson," Eddie said.

"And you're sure they won't be able to see our faces?" Dustin asked, and Eddie gave him a look. "Right. Shutting up."

Eddie began speaking and used his deep dungeon master voice as he said the spell. After the entire spell was done, they waited. . . and waited. . . Finally, a huge gust of wind swirled around them, the flames grew large, and the lights flickered behind them. Suddenly, a figure was falling in the middle of their circle with a loud thud.

"I was on a fucking ladder! What the fuck!" Steve’s voice yelled. "Oh, there's the light bulb. Huh, it didn't break."

Steve flopped onto his back and screamed at the sight of hooded figures surrounding him. Surprised voices whispered excitedly as they looked down on him. Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at the sight of the bright pink one.

"Do not be afraid, Steve Harrington," a deep voice spoke. "We mean you no harm."

"What the fuck do you want from me?" Steve asked. "How did you even bring me here?"

"Magic. . .tell us your deepest, darkest secrets," the voice said.

"Fuck. Fuck! Okay! Okay! I, uh, like blue and yellow, but what everyone doesn't know, besides Robin, is that I like the color pink," Steve said.

"Interesting, but not what we're looking for," the voice said.

"I always wanted a little brother, but it wasn't until the kids I babysit came into my life that I finally got the siblings I always wanted, and I think if anyone of them died, I would die," Steve said.

"Aw," a familiar voice said softly and sniffled.

"That's . . . Really fucking sweet but no, not what I'm looking for," the voice said.

"Okay, okay. . .Robin's like my best friend in the world, my platonic soulmate, but I lied to her. She asked me if I was still in love with Nancy Wheeler, and I lied, I think I always will be. I just didn't want to seem so pathetic because I know it's over," Steve said. "Is that it?"

"Uh. . .warmer. . ."

"I once had a sex dream where I was with Jonathan and Nancy, but I never told anyone because I thought it would be weird."

"What the fu - "

"Quiet," the deep voice said. "That isn't what I'm looking for, but, uh, close."

"Okay, I once got my dick sucked at a party by a guy, and it led me to a lot of realizations. . ." Steve trailed off.

"OKAY. . .mi'lord, I do not think this man knows that he is a fairy," one of the figures said.

"HEY! That is a really offensive term. I'm bisexual," Steve replied. "Sacrifice me all you want but respect my sexuality please. Although I once used a rude term, I didn't know about myself at the time. Do you want to talk before you kill me?"

"You're, uh, surprisingly calm now," the deep voice said. "For someone who thinks we're going to kill them."

"Well, it's happened too many times now," Steve shrugged. "Is that what you wanted to know?"

". . .no."

"Well, I wish I was a woman sometimes. . .mostly because I wish I could go through the birthing process. . . I don't think my parents are my real parents. . . I once let Robin touch my dick because she wanted to know what it felt like. . . It was weird for both of us. . .sometimes I think about getting on my knees for Eddie Munson and - "

"OOKAY! STEVE, STOP SPILLING YOUR DEEP DARK SECRETS! I ACCEPT YOU FOR ALL OF IT BUT SOME THINGS SHOULD REMAIN A MYSTERY!"

"Let him speak!" The deep voice said.

"Stop with the sexual ones, at least!"

"Okay. . .um, it makes me really happy to know that I have a hobby to share with one of my kids. I mean, at least one of them, you know, understands why I like basketball so much. I love all of my kids, and I really wish I could play D&D, but I'm not great at math. I don't want to look more stupid in front of them. More importantly, I could be doing anything with them, and I still feel less alone knowing they want me to be around them. . . Even if they're being shitheads. I love it though, when they bitch at me. They're my family, and I've never really felt like I had that until they came along," Steve said. "Robin, too. She's my family too."

Suddenly, all Steve could hear was the sound of them sniffling, and they dropped to their knees around him. They dropped their hoods, revealing Mike, Dustin, and Lucas. They all hugged him tightly.

"What the fuck?" Steve asked.

"We'll explain it all later," Dustin sniffled. "Just know that we love you too."

"Oh, you're also adopted," Mike muttered.

"He wasn't adopted! He was kidnapped!" Lucas exclaimed.

"Oh, right."

The other person dropped their hood, revealing Eddie Munson.

"So, what was that thing you wanted to do with Eddie?" He asked with a smirk.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and Robin came running in, breathing heavily.

"Guys! Steve was changing the light bulb in Family Video, and he just disappeared - oh, hey, Steve! Steve! What the fuck's going on?!" Robin asked.

"Robin, guess what?!" Mike asked. "Steve’s a fucking fairy!"

"No! Robin, don't punch Mike! That's not what he meant!"

Mike screamed.

Part Two

[rockatanskette]

Semi-related to my post on how human conservation practices, but I have a cold today, and it's got me thinking about biological altruism—the biological imperative to put other creatures ahead of yourself, to benefit the group.

When talking about possible interactions with other species, we talk a lot about humans being crazy and thrill-seeking and impossible to kill. Never use a warning shot as an incentive to keep humans out of a fight; it'll just make them angry. And that's true. But a valid criticism I've seen in the "Earth is a death world" community is that according to our understanding of evolution, every planet must be some form of death world. Competition fosters evolution—the wolf with sharper claws survives when its litter mates die. You can't reach space travel without some casualties along the way.

But the dog survives because it makes friends with the strange ape carrying a sharp stick. And the strange ape survives because it befriends the wolf. Underneath the death world is an inextricable and undeniable layer of the bond world; the love world; the world, together.

I imagine some worlds are not death worlds. They're peaceful and tranquil. I suspect there are worlds far more deadly than Earth, where the skies rain diamonds, harder than any substance we know with the species to match. And I imagine that they are united in their confusion at the duality of humankind.

Today is a great example: I have a cold, and I want someone to take care of me, but the people who would are immunocompromised, also sick, or live 8 hours away, respectfully. I also want no one within the walls of my apartment or I will eat them. I feel gross, I feel tired, and I don't want a single human being anywhere near me, even if they did bring soup.

In my constant scrolling through my phone today, I decided to look up why the hell I feel so bad—why everyone feels so bad when they're ill. And the answer surprised me. I always thought it was because your immune system is active, so it's using a lot of your energy. That is part of it. Another part is that your brain and body are communicating across the blood-brain barrier to fight the infection, which is rare and energetically expensive.

But that doesn't explain everything, and according to more current research, it could also be what's called the Eyam Hypothesis: that we feel so gross, so we instinctively isolate from other people. We're too tired to deal with others, and so we don't infect them. Misanthropy for the good of the species. Of course, it can also backfire: one of the criticisms of the Eyam Hypothesis is that humans also instinctively care for each other. If my brother has a headache, I drive to the store for Advil.

Personally, I think it's a little bit of both: biological altruism. Either way, the majority live on. The first thought I had this morning when I woke up wasn't "I feel gross" it was "there's no way I'm going to work today." And while that might not be everyone's first thought, you don't even have to be a particularly altruistic person to not want to leave your home or your bed when you're sick. It's inborn.

And so when the human named Ismail comes down with a case of the interstellar common cold, his alien friend Dyos grows very concerned. Ismail is usually intensely social, almost off-puttingly so. Some crew members joke about how his quarters are for sleeping and prayer only; if he's home alone? You should be worried. But when Dyos demands an answer to the severity of Ismail's malady, the other humans just nod knowingly.

"Nah, he's okay, the medics already cleared him. It's not a severe infection."

"But there are so many...fluids. And his body has changed color."

There is a moment of confusion there until they remember that Dyos's species can see in the infrared color spectrum.

"Nah, that's just a low-grade fever. It should break in the next couple days."

"But he doesn’t want to play chess today," Dyos insists.

"Ohhhh," says human Claudia, finally understanding. "No, that's normal. Humans don't like being around other people when they're sick, it's supposed to be one of the major evolutionary advantages. Protect your community from your illness and the genes live on."

"So we're just going to leave him alone?" Dyos is troubled by this. He can go for weeks without speaking to another life form, but he has seen Ismail grow despondent when unable to participate in social gathering.

"Oh, no," human Claudia says, laughing. "We're going to employ one of the other most longstanding human evolutionary advantages."

There are many to choose from and Dyos settles on, "middle age?"

"Sort of," human Claudia opens up a small shipping container and holds up a brown paper bag tied with a colorful ribbon. It glows brightly in Dyos's vision, almost as brightly as human Claudia's smile. "His nanni's hot soup, express delivery."

[prismatic-starstuff]

Things to expect as Pinocchio becomes more human...

Eyes gazing longingly at your food, as his body makes sounds that even he hadn't realised he was capable of making. When you eventually realise that his stomach(?) is rumbling and offer him some food... this man practically inhales it, all wide-eyed, meticulously sucking his fingers clean as if he doesn't want to let even a drop go to waste. ...And then he goes back to gazing longingly at your food—

Still on the subject of food: now that he has firsthand experience of it, he wants to start making it for you. He thinks it's a wonderful thing, this stuff that allows people to live and be nourished; and so he wants to make things that you like (and that will allow you to live and be nourished.)

Jokes. ...Maybe they're not great jokes at first; as he starts to develop a sense of humour, he starts at the beginning, and even the most basic and obvious and awful puns absolutely send him into fits of helpless laughs. And so he tries to tell his own; they're not great, but they're extremely cute.

Honestly, when it comes to things like aches and pains and feeling sick, he's... really quite scared at first. He'll approach with wide and teary eyes, expressing that he doesn't know what's happening to him. (Please give him lots of cuddles and reassurances that it's a normal part of human life and that he's not going to die.)

At first, as he gets more used to emotions, he may just... cry. Or burst out into laughter. Or feel very, very frightened. All for seemingly no reason. He's feeling these things more strongly now than he ever has before, and it's not something that he was used to, so he feels everything so much; it definitely takes some getting used to for him.

With this in mind: he becomes extra aware of your emotions. Not that he didn't care before, of course; but now that he understands emotions firsthand, and has personally experienced how bad the negative ones can feel, he's always on the lookout to reassure you and comfort you if he thinks you're not feeling happy.

A heartbeat. Not the occasional gentle mechanical pulse of his P-Organ, but something that for all the world sounds and feels like a genuine heartbeat. If you like to listen to it, he's more than happy to lay with you for as long as you like, fingers gently stroking through your hair.

His body becomes more sensitive. You may notice his breath hitching if your fingers brush his neck while playing with his hair... you may notice how he seems to melt into your warmth when you cuddle him... and you will absolutely notice how he'll squirm and practically cackle if you tickle him.

Smiles. They're tiny and soft at first; just barely there, a little quirk of his lips. He stares a lot - that unblinking stare only a puppet could do - and he stares at you in particular very often; and it becomes more and more common for his lips to just... curve up... slow and sweet... into the loveliest little smiles when you're together or when he's looking at you or when he's thinking about you.

But above all else... what you can always expect from Pinocchio is his kindness, his compassion, his care, his support, and his love. He's given you all of this from the get-go, and he'll give you all of it for as long as you're together; and nothing would please him more than for that to be forever.

[queenburd]

The use of color in The Stanley Parable: HD and Ultra Deluxe (with honorable mentions to the Demo)

dedicated to @squuote who needs more TSP analysis to rotate

A little over a year ago, I (only somewhat jokingly) lay out the argument that while The Stanley Parable is notorious in its use of yellow, the color yellow is not actually associated to the Narrator. The color most associated with him, I argued, was red. [1, 2]

I've had plenty of thoughts regarding color and TSP in the interim and I want to go over those thoughts today in as much depth as I can manage. You know, for fun. None of this is to argue about creator intent, but it's a fun way to stretch the critical thinking and literary analysis portions of my brain. It's also super cool if you don't agree with my readings, since the point is to get you thinking about these things and studying them to interpret for yourself.

Anyway let's gooooooo

(note: all images are embedded with a link to the source page I pulled them from. For those on mobile, be careful with your scrolling and tapping!)

Yellow

Okay let's start with the “obvious” one. Yellow is seen as one of the main colors in the game, it's the color of the main office and the primary assets associated with the Parable. We see yellow PRIMARILY in the beginning of the office, before the two doors room. It lines the cubicles and the walls are often interpreted as yellow (eh, they're more of an off-white. They're actually absorbing color from the brown-yellow carpet, and they do the same in the lounge).

It's the color of the Line(TM), it's the color of the cargo lift in the warehouse, and, most strikingly, it's the color of the SKIP Button.

We'll get to you.

Okay, so yellow is a color with conflicting interpretations, which is par for the course for all of them, we're not going TOO insane on color theory and color psychology we will be here ALL DAY and I was an ART student. So let's just look at the most basic reading. Bright, oversaturated yellow is a color that can exhaust the eyes easily. It grabs our attention like a highlighter and burns our retinas.

It can be a color of excitement, but it can also be a color of sickness. I've been thinking about the short story The Yellow Wallpaper the past couple days. Or maybe I've been thinking about it for longer. It's just that I haven't reread it in actual years, but every time I saw someone talk about the wallpaper in TSP, I thought about the story. Here's some passing thoughts on the short story in comparison to TSP. [3]

Sickness, and madness, and beginnings, and infinity. In the end, yellow, to me, is the color of the Parable grabbing the player (and by extension the Narrator) by the nose and saying “let's get moving. We have a story to play. Play the game, and keep playing.” Notable to me is how the SKIP button is almost scathingly yellow in contrast to the room it's in, and as the room gets darker the glow gets more foreboding. The Parable did this. The Narrator might think he made it, but he doesn't control it. Yellow isn't his color, and it never was.

Red

“Stanley walked through the RED. DOOR.”

The use of red in TSP is probably the most interesting and fun to analyze for me. It's used extremely intentionally and it's commonly associated with power, anger, and passion. We see red in the Boss's Office, in the Countdown ending, as the door to the Starry Dome, and a TON in the TSP2 Expo. There's red doors and signs in the Escape Pod Bay.

So I've joked that the color red is the Narrator's color, and while it's still a fun interpretation, it's not one I'm married to. I think it's more accurate to say red symbolizes control. The Zending Door is you letting him control the story. The Countdown screens are him taking control from you. And TSP2 is the Narrator trying to exert control over what the developers have made. It's a response to New Content and to the SKIP button. I have a million trillion thoughts about the TSP2 Expo but I won't get into them here.

Anyway, red feels very obviously to me associated with the Narrator trying to take control, or things only being possible when he has control. I'm thinking about the signs in the Escape Pod Bay telling you that it won't work without him. (I'm thinking about how the same door asset for the Zending is used in the Escape Pod Bay. No. shhh. Staying on topic.) So I don't have much more to say on the matter because I feel like I've tread this ground before. Red is about control, and it is held in direct contrast with blue.

Blue

Oh, blue. Soothing blue, sweet relaxing lounge and ocean paintings and boss's bathroom and blue door that leads to broken textures and an irritable Voice.

If red is the color of control, then blue is the color of rebellion. Small rebellion, sure. Rebellion that means nothing in the scheme of things. Blue is the stepping stone to bigger deviations from the path. I mean, the lounge is only the first step to the right, and you can still get on the “correct” path. The blue door you have to go through repeatedly, you have to make the choice multiple times, for it to lead to the Games ending. The boss's bathroom doesn't GO anywhere until after the epilogue. These are “rebellious choices” in a game where you don't really have a choice, and it's the closest you get to defiance.

I like to make it Stanley's favorite color for obvious reasons.

(Hey, fandom, why you keep associating it with the Curator? The only blue in the Museum is in a couple assets on display.)

Green

I gotta admit, while there's definitely something to green and its use in TSP, a clear meaning for it is eluding me, and I've been thinking about it on and off for a couple days now. It's a fairly infrequent color in TSP as a whole, but it does make an appearance. Besides being the color of plants (such as the ever important fern, the potted plants scattered through the office and the ones in the TSP2 expo, and of course the growth in the SKIP button room), it's also the wallpaper in the Demo, and the same wallpaper is used in the Boss's Office in the Real Person Ending. Thinking further, it also appears in the small room before the stage in the Press Conference Ending, and it's the color of the carpet in the HL2 Office that is found under the Games ending. (It was also brought up by my pal glitch that green is the color of the cursor on Stanley's screen, the first thing you see before gameplay begins. Good catch!)

Thinking about it, it's hard to find a throughline. There's something familiar about the green. Not necessarily safe, but it usually comes before something much bigger. Maybe this is a bit of a stretch, though. Let's say for now green is associated with the familiar in the face of the unfamiliar.

(There's possibly a thesis here about green being associated with gifts and surprises. The Narrator makes the Press Conference ending something that teases but also praises Stanley, the Green Room in the Demo is the space where the Demo is meant to be revealed to you, and that alternate Boss's Office is supposed to, in the Narrator's mind, be the first step to a wonderful story made just for you.)

White

Most people, when they think of white in The Stanley Parable, immediately think of the Museum. And they're right to! It's one of the most prominent environments that uses white. With that in mind, we can't forget the other places it appears, since it's best to keep everything in mind when trying to formulate a meaning for it.

So, other places where white is prominent: We have the out-of-bounds ending, and the Art ending (aka play that Baby game for four hours). We also have a massive part of the TSP2 expo.

Honestly, there is a lot of white in the rest of the office, but it tends to be absorbing the colors of the environment in ways that make it less noticeable. White's really good at that, which means the times where it's by itself as the outstanding color are outliers and feel intentional. So what do these things have in common?

Well, they kind of show the seams of the game? Take this with a grain of salt, but the Museum is designed to show you some of the design process for the game, effectively taking you out of the setting to give you a top-down perspective (hehe, literally in the case of the diorama of the office up to the two doors), and the out-of-bounds ending is a joke about breaking the map, falling out of the world , which can break immersion in other games. The TSP2 Expo is the Narrator showing off all the features for his sequel idea, giving a “sneak peek” of what will be included.

The Art ending doesn't fit with this thesis, but it does involve the... revelation, I suppose, of the “character” of the Essence of Divine Art. What I'm trying to get to is that white is a color of revelation and display.

Gray

Gray is not a color that tends to stand on its own merit in The Stanley Parable, and that in itself is intentional. Gray is used as a texture of “unfinished” things, things the Narrator doesn't want you to look closely at, and would prefer you move past Right Now Right This Second Please.

It's the walls of the Broom Closet, as well as the walls of the maintenance room. It's also the walls of the room right outside the Starry Dome—the hall that leads right to the stairs. (Honorable mention, @chirpbudgie brought up that the desks in the office are gray, which is also an implication of the way Stanley's coworkers seemed to disappear with work unfinished. There is a sense of “wrongness” in how they've all vanished. Nice eye, bud.)

You're not supposed to dwell in these places. Go back to the story, please!

Black

“Blackness, and a rising chill of uncertainty. Was it over?”

Last and least is black, less used as a color in its own right and more a use of shadow. It really stars primarily in the Mind Control Facility, dark rooms with a sense of foreboding. Honestly, what is there to say about black?

Only, I tell a lie. You see quite a lot of black in this game, don't you? After all:

It's the Loading screen.

Blackness is uncertainty, and mystery, like the game tells us, because anything could be hiding in the darkness, and anything could happen when that screen is finished loading. It's white's opposite not just in value but in meaning. You don't know what's going on, you just have to wait and see. Any time you might have an answer, or an ending, here comes that loading screen to wipe the slate clean and say “hey, what haven't you found yet? What haven't you tried? What tricks does this game still have up its sleeve?”

(And now I'm thinking about the Figurines ending, and how the Narrator shouts to stop the loading screen, to go back and stay in the familiar please!! Because the fellow hates uncertainty, really he does. But that's a thesis for another day.)

(We also can't forget that Ultra Deluxe's Setting the Time is also set on a black background, and there's always, to me, a sense of foreboding and uncertainty there too. What happens after this is the game, right? Is this for something? Is this doing anything? Is it changing anything?)

Silver

It's a bucket :)

Okay that's the end of this post. There's probably plenty more to say about this subject, this isn't exhaustive by any means. Color is an incredible tool, and visual storytelling and color interpretation is not in any way a science. As I posted bits of this in my server for extra feedback and examples of color, other folks brought up an entirely different interpretation of the color green. And I didn't even bring up Mariella being dressed in full green!

Anyway I didn't bring up orange because there's only a couple instances of it in the game but its always about unfinished things/assets (Baby game, just a lot of Games ending things) but it also shows up in the TSP2 Expo (Button That Says The Name of the Player Playing The Game (Jim)) for features that uuuuuh. Aren't done. So that's funny.

Like I said, there's almost certainly more to say about color theory and the game, but this thing is hitting 4 pages long and that's not including images oops.

I hope this was a fun read! Some of this stuff has been percolating in my brain for a while and it's good to finally get it on the page. Talk to me about TSP I love this game.

[wynsummers]

i've been thinking about the whole "friction in his jeans" thing a lot lately, and while it is certainly one of the more iconic instances of the lyric in the CD booklet being different from the actual song, it is far from the only one. on top of that, there are quite a few lyrics that play with double meanings that only become clear when they're written out.

so, i present a collection of every lyric in the fob CD booklets that differ from the final version, punctuation and double meanings that aren't noticeable unless the song is written out, and any other interesting details i find in the process, or a really long post of me cornplating about fob:

disclaimer that if the difference is small enough/doesn't change the meaning of the line i won't include it because that would take me years (for example, the book says "light that smoke for giving up on me" and patrick says "yeah, one for giving up on me" but literally who cares that changes nothing. everything i include here is relevant, i think)

follow-up disclaimer that there are a bunch of fucking typos in every single one of these books because these boys never proofread anything but unless i think it's significant in some way i probably will skip it

TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE:

tell that mick:

"I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle - I confess / now ash yourself out on the insides, when I said I loved you I swear I lied"

grand theft autumn:

"someday i'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... but for the meantime i'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with my clothes on at 4:00 in the afternoon"

saturday:

"pete and i said goodbye to astoria with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence"

(most of these are just silly but this one fucking hurts)

sending postcards:

"fake it like you matter - cause that's the biggest secret you have to keep"

chicago is so two years ago:

"that means that I believed every single lie you said (and learned from the best)"

"cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you / and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you" (pain of glass instead of pane of glass - i think this is supposed to be a parallel. that or pete just misspelled pane)

patron saint:

"I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every grudge"

*flashes forward 20 years to hmlag*

anyway

FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE:

our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued:

"we're good friends only when you're on your knees"

sugar:

the icon, the legend

"don't mind me, i'm watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in his jeans" 🎉🏳️‍🌈

dark alley:

"joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of 'just friends'"

"I'm hopelessly hopeful that you're just hopeless enough"

champagne for my real friends, real pain for my shrimp friends:

"you steer away in a rearview mirror, make my head swim"

i slept with someone in fob:

"someone old, no one new / always borrowed, always you"

THIS ONE!! THIS FUCKING ONE [CAR CRASH] [SIRENS]

ahem. anyway

sixteen candles:

"i confess, i'm just messed up / dropping 'i'm sorrys' like you're still around"

XO:

"to hands"

(that's it. no "between legs, and whatever it takes" just hands. just fuckin. to hands)

"to hotel stares/stairs" (wordplay!! to clarify it literally says "stares/stairs" in the book)

"choose awe or sympathy"

also in the last verse it says 'to the "love"' with the quotes which is just kinda funny

INFINITY ON HIGH:

this ain't a scene:

"crashing not like hips or hearts"

i'm like a lawyer:

"i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how the words get you (off)"

"collect the bad habits that you couldn't bare to keep" (idk this one might just be a typo)

hum hallelujah:

similarly, this might also be a typo, but "versus" is spelled "verses"

(after) life:

ok. ok. hear me out. this is the cornplatiest i have ever been. but on genius it says "death's in a double bed"

and on the lyric book it says "deaths in a double bed"

that changes everything!!! (not really, i know) it's not death as a concept or figure or whatever it's deaths. as in multiple people dying. aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaughhhhhhhhhhh

moving on

carpal tunnel:

"we take the sip from life's lush lips"

the line "we might've started singing just a little soon" isn't listed, it's just the goodbye line twice

"but i'm just tired yawns for fawns"

you're crashing:

"the cause, the kid, the charm, and the curse"

ginasfs:

"lips pressed this close to mine"

"but the prince of this failing empire knows" (hhhnnnggggggghhh)

"i've already given up on myself once but the third time is the charm" that's not how numbers work pete <3

"just kind of figured on not figuring myself out"

FOLIE A DEUX:

folie a deux doesn't have a lyric book. just portraits of the boys with empty white pages that have their names written on them. my poor beautiful masterpiece

BELIEVERS NEVER DIE VOL. 1:

fnowae:

not a lyric but for some reason the whole fuckin song is in quotes

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL:

the phoenix:

another punctuation thing but instead of "hope to die" it's "hope-to-dies"

"you're wearing our vintage misery"

alone together:

"my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broke in" instead of "broken" (i love double meanings!! i love wordplay!! i love pete wentz!!)

where did the party go:

"i will appear to you if you make yourself shake fast enough"

the mighty fall:

the lyric book straight up doesn't have big sean's part 💔

rat a tat:

at the end there's this "talk less / mean more / let's be electric / like we were before" that i have literally never heard so i'm assuming it's a neat little cut lyric

save rock and roll:

"i will save the songs / the songs we're singing"

AMERICAN BEAUTY / AMERICAN PSYCHO:

irresistible:

"coming in announced" this one. this one's just a typo. come on boys it's been 12 years at this point read the books more than once

"i just dragged my nails on the tile / i just follow your scent" ?? idk

"this will not be a battle"

ab/ap:

for some fucking reason it just says "she's an american beauty" three times at the start of the song 😭

"and as we're drifting off to sleep" isn't in there, it just says "and all those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep"

the kids aren't alright:

indulge me once more, reader. i am cornplating again

instead of "former heroes who quit too late and just wanna fill up their trophy case again" it's "wanted to" do you understand why that makes me insane

also they have it as "will put your curse in reverse" instead of "we" which could be a typo but could also be a neat little change

uma thurman:

"you cut me deep like uma thurman"

jet pack blues:

"i'm the kind that can turn june to september / the last one that you'll ever remember"

"between these two white highway signs"

immortals:

"i try to picture you without me but i can't"

M A N I A:

hold me tight or don't:

the line "i'm pretty sure that this isn't how our story ends" isn't included

wilson:

"i know it's just a number but to me you're the 8th wonder"

sunshine riptide:

they didn't include any of burna boy's lines 😒

SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST:

smfs doesn't have any lyric changes that i noticed, just the usual typos.

update: future emma here, upon further contemplation I have decided to add the line "I'd never go, I just want to be invited" since the first verse definitely says "I'll" (thank you sugarweregoinin and foliejpg for inspiring this revelation)

and there we have it! if you're insane patient enough to have made it until the end, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! if there are any i missed/any in CDs that i don't have please let me know i find these so fascinating (if you couldn't tell). i just love getting glimpses into their writing process and seeing how the songs we know and love evolve before they get to us. i might also do a post about how spotify/genius gets a bunch of their lyrics wrong because it pisses me off but this is all for now, good day/night!

[xf-cases-solved]

mulder vs. scully and her period

-first off, he 1000% keeps track of her cycle - it's vital to his survival - but he would never ever ever ever tell scully that

-he learned to start keeping track after too many blunders during their first year working together. like, he'd had girlfriends in the past, obviously, but he didn't travel the country constantly with them day in and day out. even diana was rly reserved about her period, preferring to keep that sort of thing to herself. but scully is a medical doctor. while she may take issue with any emotional aspect, and be uncomfortable and embarrassed about that part, she is completely nonplussed by the physical aspect, and talks about it very bluntly and openly, and that took mulder by surprise at first. he wasn't used to being around a woman who wasn't bashful about it, and it made him uncomfortable at first, but eventually he was like "ok, this is going to be part of working with her, i need to get over myself and up my game"

-in their entire time working together, mulder has made one (1) "are you on your period or something?" joke. it was about six months into their partnership, and scully was (rightfully) irritated at him about something and he had tried for some levity. let's just say that he, ah... he has never made that mistake again

-he always has a tampon on hand. like, always. it is more reliable to ask mulder if he has a tampon than it would be to ask another woman in the bathroom if she has one. he started keeping them on him when she got her period on a three hour long flight that had an hour delay on the tarmac, and she'd accidentally forgotten to take a couple tampons out of her checked luggage, so he'd watched her shift around uncomfortably with a makeshift pad made of thin, coarse airplane bathroom toilet paper, and he felt really bad that he couldn't do anything about it, so on the flight back, he bought a travel pack pack of like, six tampons when he went to get sunflower seeds, just in case. then at some point he was like "mb i should keep a couple in my overnight bag for her," and that led to, "she's in my apartment a lot, i should throw a couple under the sink," until eventually he was King of the Tampons

-(he even has different absorbency levels, okay? like, he is on top of his shit)

-he used to buy chocolate for her on long drives when he knew she was on the rag, always saying something like, "it was two for one, don't worry about it," even when it wasn't, until he started to pay closer attention, and he realized she actually tended to crave salty foods instead of sweet ones, so he switched from chocolate to potato chips and pretzels. (he would play it off as though he got them for himself and then would keep offering her some, bc he knew that would help her not sit there and (completely needlessly) dwell over eating junk food)

-she gets really bad cramps the first day and a half or so, and he haaaates it, bc even tho she waves it off, he can see the way she clenches her jaw, and is hunched over whenever she thinks he's not paying attention. if she's over at his place when they're happening - even if they're working - he makes her sit with a heating pad and encourages her to drink the whole glass of water when she takes her midol. he has massaged her lower back on more than one occasion

-she stopped getting her periods regularly when she was going through cancer treatment, her body too sick and weak. about two months after going into remission, she bled through her slacks on some rural highway in arkansas, and although mulder listened to her complain and validated her frustration, he was secretly so relieved, bc he knew it meant that her body was really and truly starting to heal

-her periods become kind of a taboo subject in a way they hadn't ever been before once she learns of her infertility. she doesn't talk as openly about them anymore, but he's still always prepared and after four/five plus years together he doesn't need her to tell him how to make her feel better. he can intuit it. she doesn't say it, but he knows that she's grateful

-her periods become a dark topic when the ivf fails. the period that confirmed it didn't take was hard on both of them, and she spent every night of it at mulder's apartment letting him hold her and allowing him the privilege of caring for her, which she usually resisted

-he actually noticed that she missed a period before he was taken in oregon, but he had no reason to suspect it was anything but just a fluke, so he didn't say anything. when he glanced at his calendar and saw what week it was, though, he did have a fleeting moment where he was like "what if?" not in a serious capacity, but in a wistful way. i mean, they'd been going at it like rabbits and had never once even considered using a condom. like, why would they, right? but in his brief fantasy, he thinks about how she would react seeing a plus sign on a pregnancy test. it would be familiar - that look of disbelief and awe she got whenever they witnessed something unexplainable - and he would be the cause of it, and how amazing would it feel to be able to give that to her? to give that to both of them? but he knows it'll never be anything more than a pipe dream (bitch, you thought!)

-we won't get into sad later stuff, but i'll just say that he really, really resents the fact that he wasn't there to take care of her during her pregnancy. and he would have been fantastic at it. he would have toed the line between supportive but not overbearing perfectly. she would have had a beautiful nine months, like she had more than earned. he'll never totally forgive the universe for taking that from them

-and to conclude, let me just say for the record, mulder is all about period sex. orgasms help cramps, right? he's just being altruistic. ("YOUR orgasm doesn't help my cramps, mulder" "hey, we'll never know for sure unless we try")

-lay down a towel, lay down your woman, and get to it. bro eats crime scene evidence. there's no way he'd let a period stop him from fucking. god bless and amen

-the end

[ineedtherapydesperately]

@valengory1234 you just sent me down an endless path imagining chloe speaking like shakespeare and being a shakespeare purist and shit like imagine the way she confessed to red or like flirts with red, or when she makes dirty jokes that nobody quite understands

like imagine chloe quietly confessing romeo and juliet style like but soft, what light through yonder window breaks? it is the east, and red is the sun. arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou, her maid, art far more fair than she all because red dragged them onto a random rooftop on auradon prep to stargaze?? and red is just laying there, staring at the moon in complete shock, slowly attempting to translate everything because what the fuck, was that shakespeare?? and holy shit chloe is such a nerd?? because red NEVER bothered to learn shakespeare but it's so familiar and she feels like that little monologue was important?? and chloe is sat there, looking down at red lovingly, straight cheesing as she watches the love of her life attempt to understand her words

i already headcanon bridget calling red 'rose', but imagine chloe calling red that because of shakespeare?? because the man LOVED using rose imagery to talk about love, and just imagine chloe saying like a rose by any other name would smell as sweet which leads me to another idea about glassheart/charminghearts that i may post later if anyone is interested

like imagine chloe just sees red one day and starts reciting sonnet 18 at her, just because?? shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? thou art more lovely and more temperate- and red is just here, steadily growing redder, face absolutely matching her name because chloe, isn’t that like a love poem??? and chloe is here like well yes, i am trying to confess to you here if you don’t mind

ugggh imagine chloe fondly watching red scale the walls of auradon prep, running along the rooftops which is absolutely against the code of conduct, but chloe can't find it in herself to care because it's red, because red, you draw me, you hard hearted adamant, but yet you draw not iron for my heart is true as steel. let's ignore how this is contextually where helena is crying to demetrius and pretend that it's just chloe lamenting quietly to herself about her (not so) unrequited crush <3

imagine chloe rereading much ado about nothing (because she would absolutely reread shakespearian plays) and when red asks her how the play is, chloe says i mean, i'd much rather there be some to do about your nothing and red is confused because that didn't make sense?? only it makes sense if you take elizabethan era slang into account, which chloe, face completely straight, suggests red searches up, only to burst into borderline maniacal giggles when red's face once more flushes horrendously because chloe what the actual fuck?! because this is so out of chloe's character??? whether this happens before or after they're dating is anyone's guess

@blood-carnation here you go :D i have so many more scenarios in my mind hehe (my english nerd is showing 😔)

[hurts2think]

Hook × morgie- it's saddening how little of them their is in this world :(

🏴‍☠️Young!James Hook x Morgie Le Fay Dating Headcanons🐍

Pairing: Morgie Le Fay x Young!James Hook

Plot: Just dating headcanons of them getting into some shenanigans!

Extra: Hey guys! I'm still sick and haven't been able to write. I've been resting but I feel horrible so I did this for you all! Hooksie one of my favorite ships🫶

- They have one singular braincell that they share

- Black cat x orange cat dynamic

- A couple months before they started dating, most people already assumed they were dating because they mostly acted like it and they were both just oblivious

- Hook always tries to find ways to annoy Uliana and Morgie always tries stopping him. Uliana is annoyed either way

- Hook always suggests they study together, knowing damn well they will not be studying and just goof off the whole time

- Neither of them are used to emotional intimacy so it was very awkward when they first started dating

- After the initial awkwardness they easily became the most annoying couple in school

- They set up a bunch of candles and flowers and make the mood very romantic just to play Uno and yell at each other

- They’re both very romantic but a little tone deaf

- They argue but most of the time only one of them is arguing and the other has no idea

- “You know what? I’m done arguing.” “We were arguing?”

- They’re banned from most public spaces. Restaurants, parks, grocery stores, malls, pretty much anywhere

- ^ usually banned due to their dates and getting in trouble. Whether it was intentional or not

- Always doing stupid dangerous teenager stuff in the middle of the night and calling it a date

- ^ climbing fences, pushing each other down hills in a stolen shopping cart, trespassing, graffiti, TPing houses, ect

- They often trespass into this field that gives the perfect views of the stars. There’s a little stone bench and some animals and they just hold hands and point out the stars.

- They sneak into movies all the time.

- The one place they aren’t banned from and don't have to sneak into is the arcade

- ^ They’re lovers but become rivals the moment they step into the arcade. Always trying to beat each other’s highest scores. They’re definitely regulars there

- They record mixtapes for each other on cassettes like every other month. Listening to them 24/7

- ^ These playlists definitely have Guns n Roses, U2, Queen, AC/DC, and more

- They do movie nights with movies they'll think they'd make fun of but end up loving it

- ^ The Princess Bride and Heathers is definitely one of those movies

- Hook is more affectionate than Morgie but Morgie loves the affection. They're still both very clingy

- Hook always pulling in Morgie for kisses

- They both fluster each other so much. Hook usually does flusters Morgie on purpose and Morgie usually flusters Hook on accident but finds it adorable

- They have attempted to start a band with the other VKs multiple times but it has never worked out

- They cuddle 24/7 and kiss and hold hands and are literally piling on each other, trying to be as physically close as possible

- If one of them is out from school because he's sick, the other will skip school to take care of him

- They always do cringey obscure couple Halloween costumes that no one understands

- When they goof off in class and the teacher is lecturing them, they definitely keep looking at each other and have to hold in from busting out laughing

- ^ Detention buddies

- Morgie leaves little sticky note drawings and letters for Hook just throughout the day.

- ^ Hook keeps a couple of them in his wallet

- Theatre kids and definitely make jokes about their chatacters dating each other in the show

- Overall they just get into so much trouble with their shenanigans and are very clingy

[stardewvalleybut-i-draw]

Can u give me ur full thoughts on Alex? I feel like a lot of the shit he gets is unjustified. Yeah he says some sus things to the farmer (no matter what gender you are!) but that's only because he's horribly mislead. The man just doesn't know any better. I mean think about it. Abused and neglected, lacking good male role models, and he's got no friends in town except for maybe Haley and you know how she is. If she was told "you're probably not into sports" she'd say "ew no" because sports would get her all dirty.

I always saw him as just a loner-type guy who doesn't know how to talk to people. Spent too much time trying to develop his cringe ass macho man persona that he forgot to develop social skills. I don't think that makes him a bad person though. I could honestly talk for hours about how toxic masculinity is a monster that preys on young boys and eats them alive if they're not careful. But even with societal pressure being so intense, growth is possible. Alex is still a massive sweetie in my eyes. A big dumb doofus who loves his granny and wants to lift heavy things just to impress you.

I would love your thoughts though!!

#1 Alex fan anon ⚡️

Yeah. That's basically more or less my thoughts😅

It honestly depends on what you experience that can greatly color Alex's character

This might be one of my more controversial takes

(right next to being a Clint apologist💀)

but stick with me here-

If you grow up in a similar environment to most guys, you can understand why Alex is the way they are. It's not exactly easy to be soft or mindful when you have a harsh environment around you. Many guys end up coping with repressed thoughts and feelings in unique ways to soothe themselves. I think Alex's was sports. (Idk just a hunch) but it often leads to a lot of blind spots or misunderstandings of the world.

I've seen a lot of people like Alex and I've had a couple of friends in high school like that too! And I can tell you... yeah... it comes from SOMEWHERE, A lot of them ain't doing so great mentally.

Heck, I do that! Whenever I get uncomfortable with a situation or feelings I don't like, I make jokes to ease my brain. Releses a little serotonin ya know what I mean?

Not all coping mechanisms are bad tho, we kinda have our own form of bond and support that from the outside looks cold and uninviting but I promise you, we would die for our brothers. (plus the cold uninviting part is just a front)

"I know the homie told us to KYS over Roblox but he bought the group Freebirds during the gym session so it's all good!"/j

I can't say much from the other perspective but I would assume they would see Alex as a HUGE BIG RED flag and someone potentially dangerous or someone who brings back bad memories which is why he is dunked on so much. Even if they don't mean it, they have a higher chance of hurting people.

I don't think Alex is THAT type of character at all, I think he has good intentions but as you said "no social skills". I can see why others would interpret that way though.

It's funny that you mention how Alex doesn't have many female role models cuz... you have

Haley- Lazy and super not into dirt.

His mom- got sick and DIED.

Granny Evelyn- frail weak old woman who makes cookies and tends to flowers.

Those are not exactly SUPER GREAT examples of women who like sports.

Personally, I get why people say that playing a male farmer is better for Alex's story arc along with confronting George about the whole being gay thing but I think the female farmer has elements that I don't think are acknowledged much.

From my perspective anyway, I think a Fem farmer shows Alex a better example of women and what they can do VS grandma, dead mom, and Haley... along with learning boundaries and how better cope with repressed feelings and MAYBE-

-even address the fear of the farmer DYING of a sickness just like his mom or the intrusive thoughts of believing he'll end up like his father making him overprotective and paranoid about the farmers well being...

but you can ignore that...

Idk man, that's just the way I view it. You either like Alex or you don't :/

I ain't saying anyone's wrong to feel the way they do