#this isn’t even about a specific song it’s about many many many of them

[greeniegaes]

Back at it agains with another svsss au im pulling out of my (slightly) sleep deprived brain

Basically yada yada everything happens as normal UP UNTIL the immortal alliance arc. SQQ gets this searing headache and the system just keeps popping up with errors, so while they are all fighting the spider hoard the system just kinda snaps and breaks. SQQ suddenly feels like he’s hit by a truck, his body starting to act like his sickly Shen Yuan body and his cultivation is tying itself into dead knots and every bone in his body feels like it’s locking up. There’s no system to blame for things as he and LBH confront MBJ and he just has to do his hardest to survive with just his spiritual sword.

And then the worse thing happens, Xiu Ya shatters.

SQQ panics at this, continuing to try his best fighting people off and eventually MBJ leaves *hooray* except not really because all the system errors are getting louder and louder in his head, and everything is blue and blaring and he might be bleeding and he can’t understand what LBH is saying even though he is right there, shaking his body and crying.

And then the abyss opens. He suddenly has the choice. He can send LBH, his white little sheep, down there to continue on with the PIDW plot, or he can… not do that.

So he pushes LBH.

Away from him. Away from the abyssal rift, only for him to be the one that falls though. He had prepared various lesson plans, life advice, what skills people to work on and so much more once he got without-a-cure, just incase he slipped up one day and couldn’t protect himself. So SQQ was satisfied as he knew his peak would be taken care of if LBH opened a specific drawer, everyone could still be taught by the hall masters and also have some future help prepared for each of them.

So SQQ let’s himself fall into the abyss, watching his student’s horrified expression as he plummets. He hears the system disconnect from LBH as he falls, all of the glowing blue error messages and pop ups instantly go away and he’s left in the dark as he sinks further and further into the abyss.

Surprisingly, he wakes up. He landed in the same field of flowers that are the reason LBH didn’t die in the original, they are filled with celestial qi in a place meant to be horrible and deadly. The one good thing about this place. He lays there for awhile and lets the plants essence fix up his meridians.

Then he has to experience the same horrifying things the protagonist did in person, fighting off each beast and trying his damn hardest to survive. It takes him a while, fighting and walking his way through what’s practically hell on earth, slaying beasts ten times his size, making sure not to fall into the trappings of demonic plants. He cuts his long hair, he thinks he will never see his peak again, so what do filial ties matter when you’re barely surviving. Sometimes the worse thing is his own mind, he feels a heavy layer of guilt to himself for so willing going along with the system. He sometimes forgets it’s not his fault too, that he was threatened to return to a dead body if he didn’t do as he was supposed to. But he’s happy sometimes too, he goes back to that field of flowers, laying in them and basking in his memories of a happier LBH, a LQG that isn’t dead, a Qing Jing peak full of song and happy healthy students.

He ascends from the abyss that day. He doesn’t know how or why but he wakes up in the same field of flowers, the sky above him no longer a damning black with red cracks seeping light in. it’s blue, soft, it hurts his eyes almost to look at it. It hurts so much but he can’t look away. He picks himself up, looking at all the grime and blood on himself and weeps in relief that he can go home. He hides his face and asks people where he is, somewhere in HHP territories, and begins to make his way back to his sect. Once he gets to his peak he sits down softly at the gate, it’s night time and there haven’t been many people about. He basks in the feeling of being home, leaning his head against the tall bamboo pole as he falls asleep.

He’s glad tomorrow is a new day, when he can see his family and just go back to his life.

(in the years he’s been gone all of CQS has been in some kind of mourning. LBH found all the letters from his shizun and they made all the disciples of QJP weep. Some of them took the advice given and left, some of them stayed and took care of a lordless peak. None of the hall masters or disciples were qualified to step up, and when the issue was raised even the peak lords agreed he shouldn’t be replaced. It was LQG who found him at the gate, going to visit the sword shrine in the bamboo house after an expedition, going to leave another fan to rot at the shrine’s foot. instead he heaved up his shixiong, hair not even reaching his shoulders, hands callused and dirty, and brought him back to the bamboo house, waking LBH in the process. Once morning light came everyone would know that their lost peak lord came home, but first they had to get the doctor to make sure he actually got through the night)

[ezraphobicsoup]

the unending cosmic horrors of the universe versus A Song

[crossbackpoke-check]

"This extra space next to me belongs to you. I know where I end now. I won't get lost." -- shoot me (metaphorically) and leave me for dead (metaphorically) why won't you. To make this about Dylan and maybe it's about Connor, maybe it's about Brinksy, maybe it's about any journeyman in the NHL. My brain screamed Chris Driedger and his memorable (to me) Players' Tribune article:

And how can you mention Dylan and Zach (Za-ach, the way Dylan says it) without me having a breakdown about them? You simply can't. And for the younger dudes, maybe it's a little Bords/Briss, not yet steady in The Show, a little bit of distance, a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately... and then a blurry insta story in Vegas. Just like old times but somewhere else. Maybe it's not the same bed, maybe it's not the same set of forks, but maybe it's the principle of the thing.

Anyway, goodbye. Sorry for this, your tag walls make me break out in imagined scenarios.

Much love. xxx

please never be sorry for sending me messages <3 i love reading them i love getting them i think they’re beautiful and i love them i’m!!!!! [🥹💕🦋🫧✨💘😭 <- the best approximation of what my heart is doing]

ok NOW i am taking this step by step because every narrative here kicked me straight in the knees (metaphorically) i am w e e p i n g (literally): i knew tangentially about chris driedger going to seattle but i had never read his players’ tribune love letter to seattle & all i can say is oh. oh. and with the part about trains delayed but still being right on time—

sometimes a dream is a truth your heart knows long before you do. the space that the city and the team made for him (“you’d be the only guy on the team”)🗣️🗣️🗣️ !!! but the way that chris talks about needing to put in the work & leo not letting him quit,,, that’s chris filling up the teakettle with twice as much water, crowding one side of the bed (falling asleep against a bus window dreaming), becoming unburdened by the idea of not being their guy, not having the fallback being their draft pick to content and settle himself with. that’s chris betting on a future. that’s the train coming down the tracks, right on time.

(i am feeling unhinged about it)

SECOND. i know i was the one that said zach and dylan to start so technically i brought this on myself but also i have been ktfo by the mere mention of the way that dylan says zach’s name different from everyone else, stealing an extra breath, stealing as much time as he can get with him, which reminded me of a poem i just read:

The Need Is So Great, Jim Moore

^^^dylan still in love with zach even as he’s leaving, can feel himself losing him, and taking every sliver of the love in his smile that he can get. even if he knows zach doesn’t still feel the same way he’s drawing out the long goodbye & saying i love you in a thousand ways without ever saying it out loud (“i have been asking for a time but in ways that have no words” because he doesn’t want to ask too much, to ask for love) in the hope that zach will say it back OKAY I’M LEAVING i can’t do this

that was a lie because THREE. “maybe it’s the principle of the thing” please insert the most ungodly screech how could you just (lovingly) come in straight with the steel chair and bean me upside the head with that l i n e i think this story has the potential for such tragedy in it but also the most tender domestic longing because bords & briss have known each other for a long time (i think) and guys do sometimes lose themselves when they first get to the nhl.

it’s a big scene, you’re with big name guys, you’re finally doing the thing you always dreamed about, you’re no longer necessarily the best because everyone’s the best, you’re not sure how you fit in, you can get lost in the glitz and the glamor of it but you can also literally get lost in it, the slog of the season and getting caught up and down between teams and leagues and endless airports and buses and travel and ice rinks, losing your phone (accidental) and having new people hound you for quotes and fame and connection so you lose your phone (on purpose) and i think where i’m trying to go is: this could play out as the tragedy of borde going to the california coastline and briss shipping off to the vegas strip and both of them getting a little lost.

maybe there’s someone else, maybe i am steadfastly not thinking about “a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately” as either a summer of them pretending things are ok after a year of barely speaking and now being completely different people they never were before OR a summer of them trying to pretend like they can forget about each other because maybe they didn’t think their relationship was the same thing, is all, when they were or weren’t together. maybe it’s nobody’s fault but for the fact that they were scared and tired and lonely trying to make it in the big times and didn’t know how to show it. and then borde shows up with takeout and plastic forks in vegas and it’s december and nothing like winter in ann arbor and still they fill up all the empty spaces in each other with the things they didn’t know they’d miss until they were gone and this is the real thing, not whatever they were trying too hard to be, to recreate their own nostalgia for the love in their memories. it’s the principle of the thing, is all, to always be true to the love they have right now & not what they think it should be.

sorry that i wrote you kind of an essay of an answer but i had so so so many thoughts because your ask was so lovely so thank you for sending it to me (you are always welcome to!! i love your imagined scenarios!!! cannot even explain how much!!!) & thank you for taking the time to read my walls of tags :))) <3

[missglaskin]

Yandere Aegon's Conquest (platonic) headcanons

AKA Aegon, Visenya and Rhaenys as your yan!parents + Aenys and Maegor as your yan!Brothers

Characters: Aegon the conqueror, Visenya Targaryen, Rhaenys Targaryen, Maegor & Aenys Targaryen, Orys Baratheon

Note: Adopted and female!reader, toxic relationships, some interpreted romance/incest, Fire and Blood spoilers

You may have joined the Targaryen family through any of them. Brought to King's Landing as an offer, a hostage from Dorne. Whatever the reason was, you have now become the obsession of three dragon riders.

Naturally, there was some opposition at first. It's enough to keep a whole kingdom together; with lords either bending the knee willingly or by force, having the faith tolerate their marriages, and now they bring a child into the fold who didn't seem to bear much resemblance.

Yet despite widespread opposition, there was utter silence when it became evident what would happen if someone were to comment on your legitimacy. It's frightening to face Aegon's wrath, but he and his sisters combined; downright terrifying. 

They tended to differentiate when it came to ways of parenting. You would have likely been overindulged if it weren't for Visenya, who adopted a stricter role in place of Rhaenys and Aegon. On the other hand, it's Aegon who adopts the role of the meditator, keeping the peace whenever his wives come to disputes.

Orys is the only one Aegon truly trusts along with his sisters and despite Rhaenys and Visenya sharing Aegon's trust, they're not exactly thrilled about sharing you with anyone else. It’s noticed how quickly Orys steps into the role of an uncle, adding more fuel to the gossip (being Aegon’s brother). Like everyone else, he's just as protective and is more than willing to personally handle anyone who dares to cross you. But also similar to Aegon, beyond being protective, he's pretty laid-back. During your younger years, he'd times have you seated on his lap or playfully throw you up in the air.

As mentioned, Visenya is fiercely protective and sometimes may come off as a bit harsh, but her intentions are solely for your well-being. Her kingsguards are not only ordered to protect the king but are specifically trained to protect their little princess. She’s involved in your education, ensuring that you embrace your ‘Valyrian’ heritage. 

Each day she’ll have you rehearse your words, recount the history of your family house, and fulfill all your supposed duties. It’s Aegon and Rhaenys who urge Visenya to give you a break from time to time (not just because they want to spend time with you). Visenya also insists on training you despite her brother and sister’s wishes. Rhaenys thinks your gentle hands shouldn’t touch a blade with Aegon claiming you’re protected enough.

While they might disagree on many things, both Aegon and Rhaenys agree with Visenya's idea of giving you your own dragon egg. Given as a gift on your nameday. And even if the dragon hatches and you may never ride it, they are sure to let it recognize you as their owner; to let it be yours and yours only. Besides it’s further proof to the rest of the kingdom that you’re indeed one of them.

Like Visenya, Rhaenys is very much involved in your life and rarely lets you out of her sighs. She’s much smothering and the most affectionate out of her siblings, known to watch you with great fondness and expect to be praised for even the smallest accomplishments.

Rhaenys takes charge of your wardrobe, dressing you in the colors of House Targaryen and embellishing you with all sorts of jewelry. The many songs she has ensured to be dedicated, praising your elegance and beauty that they are believed to have passed down generations.

That’s not to say Aegon isn’t involved, he is but tends to be overshadowed by his sisters; finding himself stuck in the middle of their disagreements. Despite this, he makes his stance known and will use all types of excuses to steal you away. Aegon goes as far as making you his cupbearer, though while the council members are hesitant to take you away from the king's side. Only Orys dares to have you come and fill his cup.

They often find themselves in childish arguments on who you should ride with. Aegon occasionally claims victory, it helps Baelrion is the largest. In fact, whenever any of the siblings go for a flight, they are likely to bring you along. During their shared flights, they would showcase all sorts of tricks like getting close to the water or letting their dragons spit fire in the open air just to witness the excited look on your face.

Aegon spoils you (rotten) and is ready to fulfill almost all your whims and desires. While he’ll gladly gift you with jewelry and gowns like Rhaenys, Aegon is more inclined to make grand gestures like contracting statues and naming things in your honor. If you were to ask, he'd happily construct a bathhouse, a vast garden, you just need to ask.

Aegon is surprisingly someone you find it easy to turn to whenever you get in trouble, along with Uncle Orys. He's perfectly fine with you doing your own thing, playing away while he watches from a distance.

Despite their occasional arguments, at the end of the day, they are united through their care for you. You mean everything to them, and though each may express it differently, they all just want to see you happy and safe.

Adding Maegor and Aenys into the mix just makes everything more chaotic. While it's not much of a hidden secret that Rhaenys and Visenya favor you, they attempt to keep it subtle. Aegon isn't very adept at hiding it, and there have been discussions where he expresses the desire for you to be his heir instead. However, by the Westerosi tradition, Aenys is the expected heir.

Aenys and Maegor are particularly attached to you, even when their parents clearly seem to favor you. Being a bit older than Aenys, Rhaenys actively encouraged the bond between you two. She always insisted your small self to hold him and it became well-known among the castle servants that baby Aenys would cry until you came at his side. 

The death of Rhaenys threw everything into chaos. Visenya and Aegon, if possible, became even more protective, god forbid if Dorne were to make an attempt (or try to bring you back). You became the outlet for their grief, with Aegon demanding your presence more than ever. Aenys clung to you for comfort, a child who doesn’t seem to fully understand where his mother went. 

A year or two passed before Maegor was born, and he was already different from the start. Aenys, always smaller than the other kids, remained easily carried by your child self even as he grew. You'd lift him up on your back as he squealed with delight, but Visenya would scold you; your back could get hurt and Aenys is heir, he must be expected to behave like one.

Maegor, on the other hand, was bigger than most kids, with round and full cheeks that you couldn't resist poking and pulling. Similar to Aenys, he constantly demanded your attention, but unlike Aenys who cried, Maegor caused tantrums, pushing other kids you interacted with and throwing things until he got the attention he sought.

A rivalry started between the brothers, and more often than not, you found yourself in the middle of it, but it was mostly one-sided with Maegor often starting the conflicts. Moreover, Aegon directed most of his attention toward Aenys with kingdom duties and all, leaving you mostly with Maegor and Visenya.

Unlike Rhaenys, who didn't have the time to mold her son, Visenya did. She made sure that her son knows that it’s his duty to protect and care for you, deeming Aenys as weak in her eyes. Maegor learned to value you above all else. Sparring was no longer necessary, as according to Maegor he’ll be the one to protect you from now. In one incident, Maegor attacked a noble boy who had jokingly insulted you. Aegon and Visenya never punished him, with the excuse that Aegon didn't want to cause a scene.

Aenys, much like his mother, is naturally affectionate. Openly embracing you in front of the entire court or hold your hand as you walk together. Such displays of affectionate were a never-ending lecture from Visenya and Aegon and all it did was fuel Maegor’s jealousy. 

As all three of you came of age, there was a flood of suitors vying for your hand in marriage. Aegon would use any excuse to deter them, but deep down, he secretly wished to wed you to Aenys but he knows Visenya might insist on Maegor instead, further fueling the rivalry between the brothers. The reactions of your brothers toward your suitors only intensifies, with Maegor eagerly challenging anyone who seeks your hand and Aenys wearing a mask of happiness for you while secretly desiring to have you all to himself.

It becomes even messier if the brothers are wed to other women. Alyssa and Ceryse, in particular, feel the pressure to be on your good side, knowing that a gesture from you could sway their husbands in your favor. Despite being married to them, the wives can't shake the feeling of being the "other women". The awkwardness is heightened by Aenys, who insists on you being close to his children, going so far as to let you be one of the first to hold baby Rhaena. 

The family was struck with a moment of grief upon Aegon's death, leaving Visenya as the sole parent. With Aegon, and even Orys, no longer present, Visenya had the freedom to enforce her regulations and expectations without interruption. Maegor, being a wild card, proved difficult to control. Despite Aenys' perceived weakness, he stepped into Aegon's place, not directly opposing Visenya and Maegor but making it clear that you were a line not to be crossed. Your place is to be with him and his family, by his side in council. 

Aegon's death set off a chain reaction, fueling the underlying war within the family that had already been brewing.

[devvelle]

All Mine

Genre: fluff

Characters: dorm leaders (Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, and Malleus) x gn!reader

Scenario: what makes your boyfriend jealous and what he does about it <3

Notes: none!

Riddle Rosehearts ; when you're having fun with someone else.

Even as your boyfriend, Riddle can’t do things with you that would go against the dorm rules or hurt his image—which you totally understand. But when he sees you laughing with someone else, doing things he can't partake in... it makes him really jealous.

Eventually, once it gets to him, he really won't want you hanging out with those people anymore.

He knows they probably aren’t being bad influences, but he will act like they are. He'll give them unimpressed stares when you're not looking, and if they're in his dorm he’ll use his unique magic against them to keep them away from you.

When you two are in private, he'll try let loose more. It’ll feel unnatural for him, but he wants to have fun with you, too. He’s afraid you’ll get bored of him.

If you play along for his sake and try to bring him out of his shell, he'll appreciate it. He might even be honest about his feelings once he’s comfortable telling you the truth.

But if you tell him that he doesn’t need to change for you, he'll get really shy. He'll deny feeling jealous, but reassurance of your love would mean a lot to him in the moment.

Ultimately, he just wants to be the one making you smile the most.

“As long as you’re sure you’re happy… Yes, I love you too.”

Leona Kingscholar ; when he sees others trying to take care of you.

Leona is a gentleman. Maybe everyone else has trouble believing so, but he's incredibly attentive once you're together. He escorts you places, buys you things you need, and comforts you when need be.

But if he happens to see someone else trying to do any of that for you, he will not be happy. He sees it as disrespectful, like they're trying to tell him he isn't doing a good enough job. To make it worse, you’re too kind to refuse these gestures from others, which sets his jealousy off.

With his temper, you will know immediately. Leona doesn't like to play games. He will tell you what’s bothering him and ask why you’re entertaining that behavior when he's right there. If you can’t give him an answer, he’ll stick himself to you like glue and won’t let anyone else near you for the day.

Assigns Ruggie to the very important task of keeping tabs on you afterward. Gives him specific instructions to monitor your conversations; if you’re talking to anyone for too long or if they try to do something for you, Ruggie is to interrupt and say you’ve been summoned by Leona.

Mandatory cuddles and telling him you love him is your punishment. He hates feeling jealous.

"You know what you signed up for with me. Now, come here. You’re mine."

Azul Ashengrotto ; when he becomes aware of the options you have.

Seeing how popular you are among the student body makes Azul particularly jealous.

You’re friends with so many others within the walls of Night Raven College; dozens of boys with promising futures make up your circle, including several princes, and all are just one call away from coming to your aid should you ask. So it’s a bit hard for him to not feel jealous when they don't seem to back off even after you announce your relationship.

He’ll wait it out at first, but if they don’t leave you alone he’ll be really ticked off. However, Azul is aware that he isn’t particularly intimidating and can’t fight.

So what does he do? He shows you off instead, to prove to them that you're his.

If he wasn't using Magicam before, now he's posting you every day. He's posting pictures of you with new jewelry he's bought you and images of you cuddled up to him at night, even linking sweet love songs to them.

When he checks his views and finds the individuals that triggered his jealousy, his satisfaction in through the roof. Don’t question his smirk.

If, for some reason, flaunting you on social media isn’t enough, then Azul might have Floyd give your friends a scare. Nothing serious, just enough to make them delete your number and change their routes to class to avoid you. You wont even notice since Azul is now escorting you to class on his arm.

"Do you not want me to show you off? I don't see a problem with reminding everyone who you chose."

Kalim Al-Asim ; when you might be taken away.

Kalim trusts you so much, so he just doesn’t get jealous. Your relationship is so healthy and communication between you is great.

The only time he'd maybe feel jealousy would be if someone planted the idea in his head. Like if Jamil makes a joke about you and someone you're with looking quite close, Kalim might start questioning the situation.

However, he'd be more concerned for your safety than jealous. He'd approach you and drag you away in a rush with an innocent excuse to the other individual. After all, if they're trying to charm you while knowing you’re in a relationship, they have to be bad news.

He'd talk to you about it immediately, though, before any of his thoughts spiral and before you can think he’s overreacting.

Would go heavier on the PDA to remind you he trusts and cares for you. To some extent, he might be thinking he can gross that person out this way so they’ll get the hint and give it up.

Kalim is just too sweet of a guy to feel jealous honestly. There’s not much else to say. He’ll make you feel so safe.

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay! I think we should steer clear of them for now, yeah?"

Vil Schoenheit ; when you don't see what he sees.

Vil gets annoyed easily, definitely. But it would either take something truly concerning or the involvement of someone he deems a threat to make him feel jealousy.

He often acts like he knows what's best for you, so he tells you to stay away from certain classmates. Especially the ones that he sees being a bit too kind to you.

If you dismiss Vil’s concerns and the individuals get bolder with you to spite him, he’ll be pissed. Honestly, if he didn’t have contractual obligations and a reputation to maintain, he might resort to threats.

If it goes on for long enough, he’ll start feeling jealous.

The result is a super petty Vil.

If you want to spend time with him, he'll redirect you to one of those friends. He'll ask you why you want his attention now, when you clearly preferred theirs yesterday.

Though it’s hard for him to turn you away when all he wants is to hug and kiss you, his mind turns it into a silly game to find out if you love him most of all. This keeps him in a cycle of pettiness and insecurity.

Still, he doesn't want to neglect you. He wants you to see his perspective, so once he’s had enough of going without you, he’ll explain why he feels his worries are justified.

Once you exchange apologies, he’ll return all the love he withheld.

"Now do you understand? I'm only trying to protect you from ill intentions."

Idia Shroud ; when he can't be the one that's with you.

Get jealous very often, but keeps it to himself.

Idia knows you have to hang out with others a lot because of his boundaries. He doesn’t always feel comfortable enough to go out, so you ask your other friends for company to avoid pressuring him.

Still, it doesn’t make him feel great that there is always someone jumping at the chance to be with you.

When he gets notifs that you posted to Magicam only to see you looking happy with someone else, his jealousy escalates quickly.

Unfortunately, Idia isn't very good at communication especially when it comes to his feelings. So he will give you space instead, and let you enjoy yourself to prevent ruining your day with his doubts.

He will continue lurking your profiles for the next few days, but he won't like anything or reply to your messages. He'll self-isolate until you come to him, whether it be hours or days later.

When you do come see him in person to ask what’s wrong, you'll be stuck with him a while. He won’t admit to feeling jealous, but it’ll be clear from his questions that he wants to be sure you still want to be with him.

Lots of quality time will fix his mood. He might prefer the quiet of his room to the noisy outside world, but he makes it very clear that you’re always welcome to disturb him. He’d much prefer that to seeing you with other people.

"We can go somewhere together soon, so don't ask anyone else anymore! B-but for now, could you spend the night?"

Malleus Draconia ; when you give away your time with him.

Malleus loves to have alone time with you. He's very grateful that you always reserve time in your day just for him.

But on the occasion that someone seeks to interrupt this time, and you don't turn them away or happen to cancel on Mal entirely for them, that’s when he’d get jealous.

He'd dismiss himself from the situation to let you take care of your business, but he would actually just be hiding nearby and listening.

If the person seems to be taking up your time for reasons that Malleus himself finds unworthy, he won't hesitate to use a bit of magic to make that person suddenly leave you alone, as if possessed.

He’ll return to you pouty and distracted. He’ll initiate lots of physical touch, and might even suggest going to his dorm room while he milks all your affection.

He doesn’t hide feelings of jealousy because he’s learned your instinct is to coddle him when he makes it obvious. Your giggles and half-hearted apologies in response to his melodramatic words of worry make him fall deeper in love.

When he’s jealous, Malleus doesn’t care for words of reassurance as much as he does actions. He is quite secure in your relationship, but he will never get tired of seeing how comfortable you are with him. He loves knowing that you won’t ever run away.

"Now that they're out of the way, I do wish you'd learn to say no. I am quite selfish when it comes to my time with you."

a/n: Okay so I tried to get Riddle's Halloween card but I could NOT get any SSR until freaking pity. Then that last key set gave me both Jack and Ruggie's Dorm Uniform SSRs instead of Riddle 😭 I thought, "Wow, Leona really sent his underclassmen after me?" And that gave me the idea for jealousy hcs…

Hope u all enjoy, holiday prompts will probably be coming soon! kisses <3

[nicksbestie]

Hiii could i request a Johnnie Guilbert x gn reader where johnnie has a giant crush on reader and reader flirts w him and flusters him

Yes!!! This was so fun to write bc it's my first fic for this fanbase, so pls give me feedback!! and send in more reqs!! <3

Hallway Crush

word count : 1909

no warnings!

pairing : johnnie guilbert x reader

enjoy! <3

School had never really been Johnnie’s thing.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t good enough to pursue an incredible education, it was just that he didn’t normally have the motivation. He wasn’t dumb, he was incredibly intelligent, but he just didn’t have the energy to push to show it most days. He was the kid who always passed, very average but not stellar grades, but every now and then shocked his teachers and classmates with pulling out a top of the class grade. He would laugh and call it his magic trick if you ever asked him about it. However, music was his thing, and because of that, he took every musical arts related class that he could during his years in high school. 

He was a quieter kid, with a much more alternative style of dress, and because of both of these factors, he was a bit of a loner. He wasn’t disliked, per say, but he wasn’t popular, and he didn’t go out of his way to attempt to gain a large group of friends. He had a few friends his age who went to other schools that he saw quite often, and those were good enough for him. He didn’t see a point in trying to put himself out there, so to speak, when he was quite comfortable where he was. Quality over quantity, right? That, of course, didn’t mean that there weren’t times in his life where he wished that more people adored him like they do for a lot of the popular teenagers. 

Sometimes it helped to be more on the outcast-y side. He could get away with silent observation, learning things that nobody had any idea that he knew about. He was a kid people talked so much around, but not to. They weren’t worried that their secrets would be spilled or spread around in any sort of way because they didn’t believe that he had anyone to tell them to, or that anyone would believe him in the first place. But other times, he wished he had more of the school, or at least his grade’s, support. Like now, when he had a massive crush on the most popular student in the entire school. Maybe, if he did, he would have more of a chance. 

He tried not to think about it a whole lot. It wasn’t good for him to dwell on things, as he had learned early in life. It caused his mental health to struggle if he stewed on a specific negative topic for too long, and even though the topic of a crush isn’t inherently negative, the fact that he didn’t feel like it would ever go anywhere was. Being that he didn’t have a lot of friends at the school he was at, he wasn’t a stranger to staring looks and laughing sometimes. He wasn’t exactly bullied or picked on, but when people ran out of new, fresh, drama to talk about, it was easy for them to turn to the kid who was never really speaking to many people. 

He used music to escape his own head, and he always had. It had been a coping mechanism of his for so many years, before he was even old enough to realize what it was, or what had caused him to need it more and more. He was incredibly musically gifted, a natural talent within the dexterity of his fingers for guitar, and it was always a calming thing for him to partake in. Sometimes he wrote his own music, but most times when he just needed a quick release, he would pick a song that he had been resonating with lately and strum through it a couple times. He would get lost in the feeling of the music and the feeling of the strings underneath his fingertips. It was always a thing that caused him to completely lose track of time, and he loved it. It was always a perfect thing to enjoy something you were also so good at. It kept that passion for it alive.

The music room was where he went during his free time. He couldn’t drive, and luckily, his free periods lined up with the music free periods, so he could always be found in that room, playing something on his guitar in the back corner. He also went there during lunch, preferring to spend the time doing something productive for his music. He really wanted to go into a career in music, and he was working so hard to achieve that despite many of the struggles he was facing at the same time. He poured his heart and soul into every song, every piece, that he wrote, and even when he didn’t like the music very much, he was proud of his ability to be vulnerable and put it onto the pages. That had taken a lot of personal growth for him to realize that to put good songs and things that he was proud of into the world, he would have to bare parts of himself for view.

It was during this part of his day, lunch time, when he was sitting in the music room, playing on his guitar. He was the only one in the room, and like usual, he was sitting in the back, not wanting to disturb anyone who could potentially choose to walk in. And after about ten minutes of the lunch period going by, there was someone who walked in, and Johnnie wanted to curse all ancestors before him for this type of bad luck. It would be the one person that he wanted to see more than anyone else in the school, but at the same time, he wouldn’t have been able to really talk to without humiliating himself. Only his luck. 

He didn’t speak to you when you walked in, but he did offer a kind smile when you looked up and made eye contact, before looking back down at his guitar and continuing to work on his own music. You had stopped by the music room because you had a music project that had to be completed, but you weren’t very musically inclined, so you felt very grateful that you didn’t have to present it, only had to turn it in. However, you did still have to make an effort, but you didn’t have a guitar at home, so you were stopping by to use the ones in the music room. You only knew a couple of chords, but it was the most that you knew on any instrument, so it was your best option. All you had to do was come up with a simple melody, a short strumming pattern, and that would pretty much be it, but for someone who wasn’t great at music, that was harder than it sounded. 

And it sounded pretty bad. Johnnie would never have said that directly to your face, but if you had turned around and watched him in the back corner, you would have been able to see him slightly grimacing whenever a chord sounded particularly bad. He wasn’t judging, necessarily, he remembered very well when he had been playing the exact same way, and if he felt anything, it would just be sorry for you because he could see on your face how frustrating the chords sounding incorrect were for you. After about ten more minutes of this, he stopped playing his own guitar, quietly watching and listening to the chords you were attempting to play. He listened to a couple shaky renditions of them, and attempted to play them on his own instrument. 

As soon as he did, you turned around, noticing how he froze as soon as your eyes were on him. 

“No, go on. Please. That’s exactly what I wanted it to sound like. How did you do that?” 

Taking a leap of faith, he got up to move across the room, pulling a chair up next to you and reaching his hands out. 

“May I?” 

You handed him the guitar, nodding, intently watching the way that he adjusted it on his lap before beginning to play it again. 

“You’re not pushing the strings down hard enough, and your fingers are too far away from the fret. That’s why it sounds so… that’s what you need to fix for it to sound a lot better.” 

You laughed, gently taking the guitar back. 

“Sounds so bad, it’s okay, you can say it.” 

He smiled, a blush gently dusting his face. 

“I wasn’t going to say bad. I was going to say buzzy but I felt that might be slightly insulting.” 

You shook your head, taking his advice and focusing on repositioning your fingers the way he had instructed. Strumming downwards, a smile broke out on your face when the first chord sounded so much better. Confidence boosted, you moved to the next one, wincing when it sounded worse than the original. His kind expression didn’t disappear, and instead he moved closer, a question in his eyes before he spoke it. You attempted to hand the guitar back to him, assuming he was going to ask to hold it again for a demonstration, but he quickly cut you off.

“No, keep everything where you are. Can I touch you?” 

You couldn’t deny the fact that your heart was racing. Despite your opposite styles and aesthetics, you had always found the style that Johnnie wore incredibly attractive. It wouldn’t fit you the way that it did him, but it looked so damn good on him, and apparently, he was oblivious to that fact. You wouldn’t have called it a crush at first assumption, but maybe that’s exactly what it was. You hide those feelings, throwing on a cocky look and smiling at him. 

“What exactly are you asking for?” 

He stammered in defense before noticing that you were smiling at him, and the dusty pink that had been on his face now turned a much darker red, and he just shook his head, looking back down at the guitar, refocusing. However, you thought if you were going to be getting closer to finishing this project, you were at least going to have a little fun while you were at it, especially with such a pretty boy right in front of you. 

“Don’t worry, I’m just messing with you. I’d say yes regardless, though.” 

His head snapped back up, an unbelieving laugh slipping out of his lips. 

“You can’t just say things like that.” 

You smiled at him, motioning for him to continue what he was doing, and he did. He moved around behind you to adjust his arm on the guitar as well, and gently moved and applied pressure to your fingertips before telling you to try strumming it now. 

“Why not?” 

He shook his head, instructing you to test out the chord again before replying. 

“You just can’t.” 

The chord sounded wonderful in comparison to what it had sounded like thirty minutes prior, and you were so grateful for all of Johnnie’s help. His head was right next to yours, a gentle smile on his face, a little bit of pride, and a lot of blushing prompted your next question.

“Can I kiss you instead?” 

He turned his head to stare at you, nearly wide-eyed, shocked with the realization that this wasn’t a dream, it was actually happening. This time, he didn’t hesitate to reply. 

“Yes. That you can do.”

[uplatterme]

Cherry Wine

—sub!kaeya/dom!reader, transmasc!kaeya/gn!reader | implied fwb relationship, fwb to lovers, hurt/comfort | mentioned nipple play, fingering (kaeya!receiving), edging, semi-public handjob (kaeya!receiving), mention of kaeya’s tcock like once though anatomy is kept pretty vague and gender-neutral

—kinda based on cherry wine by grentperez, that song has been on replay for days.

It’s not unusual for the Knights of Favonius to have these sorts of events, gatherings were held to provide some sort of bonding amongst other knights. A teambuilding activity, if you will.

He holds a glass of dandelion wine and the aroma reminds him of his…The smell reminds him of Angel’s Share and the said owner of that bar who isn’t here, and what he wouldn’t give to be in his position.

He stands idly in a secluded space, not wanting to catch the attention of the others who seem to be having a much more enjoyable time than he is.

His eyes wander around, examining his colleagues and other guests socializing.

The Cavalry Captain spots you and then out of nowhere, his hand is moving on its own, forcing him to drink the rest of the alcohol to hide the creeping blush starting to show on his face.

He turns around and faces the wall which is probably more suspicious than him just standing there alone, now that he thinks about it. However, he’d rather be caught dead than have you say something about him staring at you.

See, conversing with you isn’t really a problem. After all, you two have been friends ever since and even perform some acts that the average friendship doesn’t usually account for. Suffice to say, the knight trusts you a lot.

However, Kaeya might have stepped over that line a week ago…which is why he’s ignoring every letter you’ve sent to him. 

My Kaeya, I apologize for not meeting up with you lately. I have been stumped with the new work that Jean has assigned me for the rest of the week. Here are some flowers that I’ve gathered while I’m out in Liyue. I hope they won’t wither by the time you get this letter. I miss you.

He internally screams once he remembers the contents of that letter. A lovely bouquet of qingxin, one which he immediately freezes to keep alive for as long as he possibly can. You were really too nice of a friend to him.

You’ve always referred to him as “My Kaeya” ever since the first letter you formally sent. So he assumes it’s a friendly term to refer to him, something that he shouldn’t read further into if he doesn’t want to get his feelings hurt.

Also, it may or may not be his fault that you were assigned that many workloads from Jean…

He already messed up last week.

He tried to forget about it, but it’s impossible to forget when your fingers were inside of him, his juices soaking the sheets while your tongue had its way with his chest, nibbling his nipples just the way he likes them as your saliva trails down from his scars to his stomach.

It wasn’t even that bad. Literally, there were worse times when you two got at it like two wolves in heat, yet somehow that was when his mind just decided to spew out those three specific words.

He sounded like he was enjoying himself on a honeymoon with his newlywed. What was he thinking… he could have moaned out literally anything else. Hell, he would have rather moaned out in Khaenri’ahn for fucks sake. 

Yet he didn't, he said something much idiotic.

He can’t even say it in his mind right now, he’s far too embarrassed.

Kaeya is uncertain whether you heard him or not. He didn’t see you respond strangely at all, so is it possible you were too focused? Or maybe you did, and he just didn’t notice because he climaxed right after that mishap of his…

He’s hoping it’s the former.

He fidgets with the glass in his hand, breathing to calm himself down before turning around again. 

“Hi.”

Kaeya’s heart jumps at the sight of you being so near to him. How long have you been there to begin with?

“Hello.” He replies as cooly as he can, averting his gaze away from you.

“I’m back.”

“I see that.” Archons, what is he saying?

“Are you—” 

You cut yourself off, pursing your lips and giving him a smile before continuing. He’s seconds away from just bolting out of here.

“Did you like the flowers?”

“I did.” He answers.

“Good.” 

And as if it couldn’t get any worse, the hired musicians changes the current music playing to a more…romantic one.

That’s fine. He’s good at these kinds of things.

Kaeya shoves any sign of embarrassment or nervousness away and looks straight at you directly. You must have drank a lot, the dilation in your eyes makes it easy to tell.

“Care for a dance?” You invited.

“My, are you sure you can keep up?” He bites back.

“Probably not, but if it prevents you from standing by yourself then I’ll dance with you as long as I can.”

The genuineness of your words always manages to stir him up.

Kaeya laughs. “I see you’ve had much to drink.”

“Sure, something like that.” He catches a grin from you despite the way you bow at him.

He shakes his head, offering his hand in front of you. There’s a slightly noticeable tremble his hand makes but you place your hand onto his, keeping him still.

“I’m afraid a simple waltz is all I can do, I’m no Eula.” You admit.

“It’s fine. I’ll lead.” Kaeya says, trying to act as confidently as he can. 

“Alright then, Captain.”

His arm wraps around your waist as you place your hand on his shoulder. His breathing staggers but he tries to focus on the music and his feet, swaying you along with him. He dances gracefully, of course. Not that it’s surprising as he grew up in the Ragnvindr household.

He knows people are watching, he doesn’t meet their faces or yours.

“Kaeya.” You speak.

He raises his head. It’s bad etiquette to not look at the one you’re dancing with, though he hopes he can be forgiven just this once.

“Can we talk after this?”

He loses track of the time and his body moves as if it’s on autopilot. He only realizes that the music has stopped and so does he, when the people around him are clapping.

Kaeya faces you again, unsure of what to do. 

All of the sudden, his body is being dragged away to a more quiet spot, Your hand gripping his wrist. The balcony provides room for the two of you, the rest of the party being hidden away by the fancy curtain.

“Are you cold?” You ask.

The breeze is a bit shivering but he’s used to the cold due to the cryo vision he holds. 

“I’m fine.” 

He hears you sigh, as if that answer he’s given you was somehow wrong. You grab a flask from the inside of his blazer, taking a swig before handing it to him.

Kaeya smells the alcohol and he worries. “More alcohol?”

“It’s my first drink tonight.”

He doubts that, although he finds that there’s no reason for you to lie.

So, why do you keep giving him those eyes?

Kaeya gives in, drinking the rest. Warmth grows on his face and he’s unsure whether it’s from the wine or the fact that your mouth was just on the flask.

“This is new.” He examines it with a closer look.

“Cherry Wine. Diluc gave it to me, apparently it’s from a merchant he met.”

Kaeya chuckles. “I see you’ve been conspiring with my brother.”

There’s jealousy obvious when he says that, but who was he to be jealous? The line of friendship becomes more and more obscured.

“Well, unlike someone. He actually finds time to reply to my letters.”

“You’re mad.” He points out.

“Here I thought you were too dense to even notice that.” 

You close the distance between you two, his hands holding on the railings of the balcony as your hand steadies his back, kissing him deeply and much longer than any of the kisses you’ve given him.

His heart thumps from his chest, wanting more of your lips when you separate from him.

“Say it again. Tell me I didn’t mishear.” You plead.

“I…What?” You did hear him.

“Do I have to fuck it out of your mouth again?”

“Sweetheart, we’re in public. Gods, how strong is that wine—hey, wait!”

Your hand slips down his pants, palming the growing erection from under. Kaeya bites the back of his hand, your hand stroking his hardened tcock while you observe his face with a stern look.

“C-Come on, I really didn’t say anything.” He says, halfway between a soft whine and a cry.

“Captain, I didn’t take you for a liar and a coward.”

He’s dripping wet, he knows by the way the cloth sticks to the skin on his thigh. The pace you’re going at is undeniably slow, and he knows you won’t let him finish if he doesn't say those words again.

“Please?” Kaeya begs. It’s been a week without your touch and frankly, it’s a week too long.

“It’s admirable how you’d rather have me pleasure you like this in front of everybody rather than just admitting it.”

The knight knows that he’s enjoying this far more than he should be and that it’s the only thing worth remembering about this gathering.

And then your hand grips him tighter and his legs quiver, cursing your name out in a breathy moan. 

“What’s wrong? Poor Captain wants to cum, does he?” You tease.

“You ass.”

His thighs rub together, wanting more of that extra friction. He admits that the action is quite humiliating, though if there’s a way to get himself off without confessing his feelings for you, then he’ll gladly do that.

“No. Spread them apart.” You ordered.

“H-Huh?”

“You heard me.”

He follows through, a squeaky whimper escaping his throat.

“So desperate, My Kaeya.”

His foot almost missteps when he feels the warmth from one of your fingers slowly penetrating him. Oh fuck, you cannot be serious.

He throws his head back as you continue to explore more of his insides. And just like before, you’re meticulously playing with him just so he breaks apart.

“I already said please.”

“And it’s appreciated, dear. But that’s not what I wanted to hear.”

“Fuck…hn, you—”

He stays a wreck like that for a few minutes, not being allowed the permission to cum from your fingers. Why do you want him to say it that bad anyways? Do you really want to reject him like this? Right now?

Kaeya’s body feels heavy.

He’s close, oh so close. 

His nails dig into the skin of his palms, he hears the inside get quieter and for a second, he assumes that it’s because of how he’s gasping and panting because of you.

He shakes those thoughts, knowing how loud the music and gossiping of the knights must be.

“Do you not like me?” You blurt out.

What an absurd question. Why do you think he’s letting you do this?

“Am I too pushy, Kaeya?” 

Your words are contrasting your actions far too differently. Your fingers start to get rougher, he’s painfully hard and he just wants to—He can’t—he physically cannot hold it any longer.

The mention of your name is indistinguishable from a slobbering baby, he holds your waist again although for a particularly different reason this time.

It’s so cheesy how he gets so lovesick whenever he cums.

“I-I love you.”

His entire body collapses into an orgasm. He sobs onto your chest, he’s unsure whether it’s because of how fucking good that felt or the forthcoming response you’ll give as he’s finally admitted it.

What he didn’t expect however, is the fact that it’s not only his face that’s soaking from tears.

“I hate you.” You say.

There’s a hurt in his chest and he wants to take it back but what’s already been said is right there. He wants to apologize. It’s his fault after all for thinking anybody would think of him as anything more than a friend, for catching feelings—

His thoughts are silenced as you kiss him once more, it only lasts for a few and he’s left stunned as to why you would do that.

“I thought you finally caught on. I was so happy when you said you love me, I was caught off guard,”

You take a deep breath, calming yourself.

“And then, you decide to avoid me?! I even sent you qingxin, and you know I don’t like high places!”

…

“You like—no, you love me?” Kaeya states, the thought seems way too unbelievable.

“Obviously! Who in their right mind would address their friend as theirs?” You spat back.

You groan, pushing his already weak body away.

“I love you too, Kaeya. Don’t do that again, okay? You worried the shit out of me.”

“I…Okay. I won’t, I promise.”

He starts walking towards you shakily before pulling you into a tight hug. 

It’s a strange hug. The breeze is far too cold, your clothes are now sticky, and both of your eyes are red from crying. 

Yet somehow, it’s comforting.

It’s perfect.

[devildomwriter]

Their Favorite Christmas Songs

Lucifer (Anything on the nutcracker soundtrack)

Timeless classics like the nutcracker music is what Lucifer loves most. He knows each scene of the ballet by heart and when he hears the song he’ll tell you exactly what’s happening in that chord.

Mammon (12 days of Christmas)

It’s super easy to memorize and he likes to fantasize about getting so many gifts like that. It drives Lucifer mad.

Leviathan (Winter Bells)

Only the Detective Conan anime can have a Christmas song he loves so much. He’s heard every version and often has it on repeat.

Satan (Anything by the jingle cats)

The jingle cats was the greatness gift you could’ve given Satan and simultaneously everyone else’s nightmare. It’s an absolutely adorable rendition of each Christmas song with the words replaced by variations of adorable meows.

Asmodeus (Santa baby)

So relatable. All he wants is everything he deserves and a ring from you of course. He thinks the music is a little sultry and it makes him want to seduce you.

Beelzebub (Rudolph the red nose reindeer)

He’s so happy that poor little Rudolph is now happy with his friends. Mammon isn’t allowed to mention how messed up it actually is because no one wants to see Beelzebub saddened by it. Beelzebub also kind of relates to Rudolph. Back in the Celestial Realm he was often made of for nothing being able to control his powers until Lucifer saw his potential and helped him become someone equal to those who originally looked down on him.

Belphegor (I’ll be home for Christmas)

It’s nice and slow, a good song to relax to and dream of you. He can’t wait for you to visit for Christmas especially for him.

Solomon (We Three Kings)

Although biblically inaccurate because the king’s weren’t by Jesus’s side until much later, Solomon enjoys it because he was one of the many (not just three) kings in disguise and it reminds him of the good old days.

Thirteen (Jingle Bell Rock)

It’s nice and upbeat and makes her wanna dance although she won’t do so in front of everyone except maybe you but only if you’ll dance with her.

Simeon (Hark!)

A classic, it reminds him of earlier days in the Celestial Realm when he and all the brothers would sing glorious praise to his father. It also of course reminds him of the present in which he worships with Raphael, Michael and Luke and hopefully one day with you.

Luke (Silent Night)

He loves it. It’s nice and soft and easy for him to sing. He loves holy Christmas music of course and listens to it before bed every night.

Raphael (O Holy Night)

Raphael enjoys singing this song most, to himself and willingly to others. It reminds him of the night of his father’s miracle. He thinks it’s a lovely song humans made that so accurately describes his feelings.

Michael (God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)

He loves this song most out of the song praising his father. He also chuckles to himself when he hears Satan’s name because he can just imagine Lucifer and Satan being annoyed about it. Plus any reminder of the brothers brings him some semblance of bittersweet memories.

Mephistopheles

None of them. He does not want anything to do with Christmas even the songs that curse it’s name. There are some more tolerable than others but the only ones he can slightly tolerate are winter themed and not Christmas specific.

Barbatos

Nothing in particular. He hears them so often because of Diavolo loves them. If he had to choose he’s pick something instrumental like nutcracker songs or Mannheim Steamroller.

Diavolo (Dominic the Donkey)

Listen this song cracks him up so bad you can hear his back-breaking laughter from the House of Lamentation. The song drowns out Diavolo’s worries and Lucifer and Barbatos’s distressed sighs and mumbles of complaint.

[scoobydoodean]

so i’ve always been annoyed by the belief that “sam and dean are toxically co-dependent, especially dean!” like it just baffles me once i remember all the times they’ve been apart without one of them being dead (and actually including post swan song to an extent), but i’ve never been able to properly articulate why i think dean at least isn’t really co-dependent on sam. like there’s a difference between being (co)dependent on somebody and dean’s parentification right? thanks!

I'll preface this by saying I am not a medical professional nor have I studied academic literature on codependency in great detail. That said, "codependency" is usually just a buzzword used colloquially to describe people who are obsessed with each other anyway. I address the colloquial use and how Sam is much more unhinged here. I'm guessing the colloquial use is really more what you mean, but if you're looking for something different or a little more specific than that, I can probably write or point you to some other things I've written if you give me something more specific to go on.

That said, there is something about the way fandom talks about "codependency" between Sam and Dean that bothers me, and I think by reading around about codependency today after I got this ask, and finding out that this term is controversial among mental health professionals as well... I finally figured out why.

I think to a lot of people, "codependent" has become synonymous with words like "needy" and "suffocating". However, the WebMD type articles I started with, suggest that the partner of the codependent party is the one whose needs seem to constantly overshadow and outweigh the needs of the codependent partner in the relationship. While the codependent partner can exhibit negative behaviors, the primary problem of the codependent party is that in being a caretaker, they can lose all sense of their identity and boundaries, and don't know who they are outside of being a caretaker for others. However, this is a more modern take on the term. Because these articles I started with mentioned academic controversy, I then found a few academic papers to skim, and this proved to be even more helpful in understanding why I... don't like this term very much.

First, the historical origins of it are... off-putting. The term "codependency" first emerged in academic literature in the 1940s to describe wives with alcoholic husbands who behave as "enablers" [1, 2]. I probably don't have to point out how different things were for women back then, and how rampantly sexist that context makes this first wave of literature sound, but it's discussed extensively in this article. Second, there is more stigma associated with the term partly because Alcoholics Anonymous (shocking /s) latched onto it starting in the 60s and 70s:

The influence of the AA culture in shaping the concept of codependency as an illness offered the idea that people who were close to the substance user were themselves suffering from an illness (O’Briean and Gaborit 1992). These people were viewed as enablers and coalcoholics (Cotton 1979). [ 1 ]

I... think I am probably not the only one who finds that utterly rancid to read (some academics writing on the subject certainly seem to):

According to Gus Napier, a noted family therapist, it is "ridiculous" to label codependency as a disease, because it is a culturally conditioned response of an overfunctioning person in relationship with an underfunctioning person (Meacham, 1990-1991). [2]

Some researchers who have pushed the term "codependency" as a diagnosis have actually suggested that literally anyone who is living with someone with an addiction should be called co-dependent by definition, regardless of any behavior they may exhibit, which tells you a lot about the lack of consensus and how meaningless the term can be [2]. The term (especially within the disease model where codependency itself is a from of addiction) has been criticized by many researchers for the misogyny through which the term originated, for unproductive negative labeling and pathologizing of people (especially women) dealing with incredibly difficult situations with their loved ones, for victim-blaming people (especially women stuck in abusive relationships) for the actions of their partners, for tangentially—negative stereotyping about people with serious addictions, and for conflating addiction with interpersonal problems, and in the extreme case—for suggesting separation from ones family is the solution to addiction and supporting someone with an addiction somehow always enables them [1, 2].

Since the original stream of literature related to addiction, codependency has rebranded and expanded into literature on family experiences with abuse and mental and physical illness. Which is where we get articles like this one I already linked. The codependent party is still a caretaker in these settings, caring for the needs of a loved one who is ill. Still, "codependency" is not an official medical diagnosis (i.e. not in the DSM-5). It's a term that has been used in academic literature by mental health professionals, when trying to describe a range of behaviors within dysfunctional families. These researchers do not agree on the term's meaning or on whether it even is or should be a diagnosis. Many are interested in it only from an interpersonal or personality perspective, which is also where we should stick.

Taking all of this into account though, I think the very first thing we have to ask ourselves is what exactly we get out of using the term "co-dependency" to describe Sam and/or Dean when the term doesn't even really have an agreed-upon meaning. Is the intention to write interesting character analysis, or is the intention to glorify or criticize using a term that has historically stigmatized understandable human reactions to troubled family situations? I think the goal has perhaps too often been the latter.

That said, I've already been referencing it, but I think this article does a good job of summarizing much of the literature, and then actually focusing on people who do choose, of their own accord, to identify with the term "codependent" because it is helpful for them in understanding their own lived experience and their patterns within relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to explore this as it relates to Sam and Dean with the right motivations. If you read the accounts of the respondents who choose to identify with the term, you'll see shades of Sam and Dean I think (I have written something pretty close to the chameleon-self about season 1 Dean, and I can apply that one to Sam too through his attempts to fit in at Stanford). When it comes to my experience with these characters however, I just don't find that I personally see any value in analyzing Sam and Dean through the word "codependent" given it's lack of agreed-upon meaning professionally and colloquially.

It seems to me that the term itself leads to more confusing conversations instead of less confusing ones because of the lack of clear definition, and the potential for negative stereotyping instead of actual edifying analysis is extremely off-putting to me. It just doesn't do anything for me personally. The issues to which it relates I think are interesting (especially parentification which is a term I do find useful), and I think criticisms leveled against the term are also useful to read in understanding ones own struggles with how fandom tends to frame Dean as a caretaker who they believe is actually somehow responsible for everyone else's decisions. But I think that perhaps I prefer words and concepts that are better defined than the muddiness of the term "codependent".

Lastly: Even if I'm not a particular fan of the term, the fact is that the actual show uses the term twice—in season 5 (shoutout to butch--dean's transcript search engine). Once in 5.11 "Sam, Interrupted" (to Dean):

DR. FULLER Well, to be frank, uh, the relationship that you have with your brother seems dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you both good.

First, this dude doesn't really know what's going on and thinks Sam and Dean are having delusions. However, in season 5, Sam's experience with demon blood is repeatedly paralleled with drug or alcohol addiction, and Sam is someone for whom Dean has been made to feel responsible for most of his life. This episode addresses Dean's overly burdensome responsibilities in other ways and it's also come up in the past in 1.12, 2.09, 2.10, and 4.05. I prefer to discuss this theme with much more specific terms. In this case, I would say Dean has an "overactive sense of responsibility to others", originating first with his childhood experiences with parentification. Sam also has a tendency to try and make Dean shoulder responsibility for his decisions when they backfire, and does so multiple times related to the demon blood (4.04, 4.21, 5.05). Cas and Zachariah also both blame Dean for Sam breaking the last seal because he didn't stop him in time (5.01, 5.02) and Bobby criticizes how Dean responds to Sam's addiction (4.22).

And then again in 5.18 "Point of No Return", specifically when Zachariah (my favorite manipulative angel) tries to get Adam to be on his side by basically calling Sam and Dean creepy incestuous weirdos:

ZACHARIAH So you know you can’t trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?

This one honestly to me is just Zachariah doing Zachariah things. I'll reach these episodes on my rewatch fairly soon though, so we'll see if I end up talking about it more then.

Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F. et al. The Lived Experience of Codependency: an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Int J Ment Health Addiction 18, 754–771 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8

Anderson, S. C. (1994). A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency. Social Work, 39(6), 677–685. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23717128

[pursuedbyamemoryy]

ೃ༄ willow 🍂

about : being in a relationship w charlie head canon dump!!

warnings : gn!reader, i go on for a while LOLLL

author’s note : he has been plaguing my mind, i have so many thoughts about him RAAAAAAGHHH somebody sedate me. ALSOOO i was listening to willow by taylor swift while writing this ( hence the title ) that song is sooo charlie

- no matter how long y’all have been together, he’ll always be flirty with you. he’ll compliment you all the time. they’re always genuine though, no matter how dirty they may be sometimes ;)

- he loves you and he’ll make sure you know it!!

- i like to think he’s clingy with you. like secretly. if you’re cuddling he will not let you get up. or at least will be very reluctant to let you go

- especiallyyyy when he’s tired. if y’all are napping together and you need to get up for any reason it’s going to be very difficult to get out of his grasp

- he will definitely ask to cuddle for “five more minutes” with you in the morning

- that five minutes often turns into twenty. or even longer when he’s especially tired

- i love the thought of you comforting charlie sosososoos much. him letting himself be vulnerable around you because he trusts you sm <33

- he always acts confident and outgoing around others, but he’s just a boy, he has his moments too

- he does his best to comfort you when you’re upset, although he isn’t always sure how to and just ends up distracting you, but in a good way. he gets your thoughts off of whatever is bothering you

- if you return the favor he’ll appreciate you more than anything. he rarely lets people see the real side of him. he’s vulnerable around you because he loves you so much

- you’re the one person he feels like he can be himself around. his true self

- he drops the nuwanda act when he’s alone with you. he’s still confident and outspoken, but he has his moments where he’s softer, quieter.

- it takes him some time to get to the point where he’s comfortable being vulnerable around you, but once he is, you’ll be his person, you know?

- when you don’t make fun of him for being more emotional with you, he knows he can trust you

- that doesn’t mean he won’t play the nuwanda act around you because he definitely will, especially when he’s around his friends or others

- he’s biiiiig on pda. he loves it, or more specifically, loves you. you’re his and he’s yours and he wants the world to know

- he always has a hand on you. either holding your own, on your waist, thigh, shoulder, or wherever, he just likes touching you in some way

- will kiss you in public, anywhere, anytime, no problem. hugs too, of course

- only if you’re okay with it though!! if you don’t like pda he’ll try his best to tone it down a bit <33

- he’ll opt for holding your hand under the table or having his leg or shoulder touch yours while you sit together. smaller touches that still mean the world to him

- hand in your back pocket while you’re walking together. that’s it, that’s the thought

- he’s a big kisser. i just think he loves kissing

- his favorite place to kiss you is on the lips, but he also loves kissing your forehead, cheeks, neck, and hands

- he likes it when you kiss his nose and lips

- plays the saxophone for you!!!

- he’ll learn any song you request, and will compose original ones for you

- he’ll invite you to dead poets meetings in the cave, and he gets excited when you agree to go

- writes poems for you of course!!! they’ll range from silly flirty ones to sickly sweet love confessions

- if you ever write poetry for him he’ll keep every piece of it. he’ll hide it away somewhere and he definitely rereads them often

- he’s definitely stubborn

- once you start dating you’re his designated study buddy whether you like it or not

- he looooves joking around with you, and if you’re okay with it he’ll love play fighting

- he’s just so boyfriend AUHGHHHFHDHD

[doodlebug-aboo]

Steve doesn’t like to admit it, but he likes to snoop. He’s a nosy guy. Anytime he’s in someone’s house for the first time, he snoops through their bathroom when he’s in there. He lies to himself and says it’s to be prepared for anything. Figure out where they keep the painkillers, the first aid kit, the extra toilet paper, the towels, but really he’s just curious. He always has been. He never snoops around when the person is there, but he can never decide if that’s better or worse.

The first time Steve is allowed into Eddie’s room, when he isn’t fighting for his life against creatures from the Upside Down that is, Eddie’s words catch him off guard.

“Get your snooping done now, man. There’s a lot of shit to sift through.”

He doesn’t ask how Eddie knows he likes to snoop, but he takes the opportunity after getting express permission while Eddie leaves to grab them some drinks from the kitchen. There is a lot of stuff, like Eddie said, but not in a way that’s messy. Steve wouldn’t call his room messy, just maybe a little crowded. In the best way possible, though. It looks lived in. Like a lot of love went into creating this space just the way Eddie likes it. It’s comforting.

The one place Steve pays the closest attention to is the small desk, littered with crumpled papers, notebooks, maps of fantasy worlds Steve has never heard of, pens and pencils, dice, you name it. Looking through the papers, Steve sees most of them are notes about a new campaign he knows Eddie has been working on for the kids. Steve knows Eddie’s been pouring over it endlessly because Will is visiting for the whole summer and the kids begged Eddie to write a campaign and play with them, and Eddie wants to make it the best possible game for the kid.

When Eddie comes back into the room, Steve stops his snooping and sits on the edge of the bed.

Steve takes a look at Eddie’s desk every time he’s in his room, now. He likes to see what Eddie is working on, likes to be able to ask him about it and watch his face light up as he starts to talk about something he’s passionate about.

One day, Steve walks into Eddie’s room and sees the amount of crumpled notebook paper seems to have multiplied drastically. He normally wouldn’t un-crumple any of the thrown away ideas and stick to the ones currently being worked on, but the magnitude of papers littering the floor nags at his curiosity too much to leave them be. So he picks up a few of the balls of paper and smooths them out best he could to read what they say.

Most of the papers are filled with a litany of crossed-out words and phrases, sometimes whole paragraphs of text. After looking at each paper, Steve realizes they’re song lyrics. He knew Eddie wrote music for his band, but he still hadn’t heard any of their music. Not for lack of wanting to, simply because Eddie told him he’ll invite Steve to one of their shows when he’s comfortable. It hurt Steve a bit to know Eddie still wasn’t comfortable enough to show him his original music, but he also knows that music is much more sacred to Eddie than it’s ever been to himself.

The lyrics really stand out to Steve, though, and he tries to wrap his head around them. It looks like Eddie is struggling with one song in particular he wants to write, because the lyrics are similar but different on every page. It’s a song about someone, it looks like, and it almost sounds like a love song, but not the kind of pop-style love song Steve is accustomed to, of course.

Steve knows not every love song has to be about one person in particular, but he feels like he knows who Eddie is writing about. It’s on the tip of his tongue. He knows Eddie is writing about one specific person. Too many times are the lyrics hyper-specific, but those are always the ones that are crossed out. Many mentions of brown eyes, the way they style their hair, their lips. Comments about hands, necks. There’s even a long paragraph entirely crossed out detailing moments they’ve shared, and it sounds eerily familiar.

It’s a lyric on the last paper Steve grabbed from the floor that makes the realization hit him like a truck.

Matching scars across our skin

Can’t believe you let me in

There’s something crossed out so intensely Steve can’t read it, but he can read the lines right below it.

If you’re the king, I’ll let you reign

But loving you’s a losing game

Steve knows, immediately, who the song is about, and before he even has time to react to this new knowledge, Eddie is walking through the door to his room again.

As soon as his eyes land on Steve, he freezes. “You weren’t supposed to see those, Harrington.”

But Steve is looking at him with awe in his eyes. “Are you writing a song about me, Munson?” He means for it to come out more teasing, but his voice is soft. Almost shy.

Eddie pulls a chunk of his hair forward to cover his face, looking down and anywhere other than Steve. “Don’t be ridiculous. Me? Writing a song about King Steve?”

Steve smirks a little and walks closer to Eddie. Not too close, he doesn’t want to scare him away. There’s also a small seed of worry sitting in the back of his brain waiting to sprout that maybe, just maybe, he’s wrong about this. But he really hopes he’s right. “You know, you only bring out the King Steve shit when you’re too afraid to say what you’re really thinking.”

Eddie’s eyes widen and he looks at Steve in shock. “You… noticed something that specific?”

Steve just shrugs, closing the distance between them a little more, only about a foot and a half separating them now. “I notice a lot of things about you, Munson.”

Steve sees Eddie’s shoulders relax slightly from where they raised up closer to his ears. “If you’re just saying all this to pull a prank on me or something, that’s really fucked up, Steve.”

Steve quickly shakes his head. “I’m not. I promise I’m not, Eds. I would never.”

Eddie seems to be thinking really hard for a long moment, once again looking away from Steve. He fidgets with his rings a bit, spinning one slowly on one of his fingers. Steve’s eyes track the movement. Finally, Eddie looks at him again. “Fuck it.”

Eddie closes the distance between them, grabs Steve’s cheeks in both of his hands, and slams their lips together. It’s not a graceful kiss by any means, and not exactly what Steve had imagined their first kiss would be like. If he had imagined it before, which he definitely didn’t do, especially not every day. But regardless, it’s still one of the best kisses Steve’s ever had, and he’s had a lot. Everything about it is just so Eddie, he can’t even describe it. The gentle, almost shy hesitation he can feel mixed with the desperation of a man on his death bed. Steve wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist before they pull back, smiling at each other.

Eddie’s grin is almost blinding as his eyes scan over Steve’s face. “I’m almost finished with the final version of the song… you should come see us when we’re ready to play it.”

Steve’s eyes light up. “You mean I get to finally go see Corroded Coffin perform live?”

Eddie laughs. “Yes, that’s what I mean. I’ll let you know when we’ll play it for the first time. I’m not the singer, so you’ll have to hear Gareth singing about you, but at least you’ll know the lyrics are mine.”

Steve smiles, pressing a much softer and gentler kiss to his lips. “You’re more of a sap than I thought you’d be.”

“Oh, shut it, big boy.”

[ivyithink]

me? excited for this fucked up dynamic in the upcoming seasons of iwtv? who could have guessed…

AND! listen, i would have put this under the cut, but there’s plenty there already, and I NEED to share. I usually listen to music while drawing, and this piece was not an exception. and while I do have my own iwtv playlist and also the show ost on hand, i was listening to a random mix of my other saved songs. and the goddamn “без бою” by океан ельзи starts playing, and i almost fell from my chair with how hilarious i suddenly found it. I don’t think someone who isn’t ukrainian can fully understand why I could barely breathe for like ten minutes, but if I were trying to explain it: it’s an incredibly popular ukrainian song, it was EVERYWHERE when I was growing up, and it’s always been the embodiment of Heterosexuality (TM) for me (I’m not even sure why exactly). but surprisingly enough some of the lyrics fit weirdly well with these two, and it gave me such a delightfully bizarre whiplash… I will leave those specific lines in the comments(?) under this post, and i do actually recommend the song! it may be overplayed here, but it’s genuinely a good song!))

this piece is actually one of those I’ve already done for this fun art prompts challenge! (@icryink, thank you for the prompts!!) I came across it accidentally, but loved the idea a lot, because cringe IS dead, and I have actually never drawn many, MANY things on that list. so I’m doing this challenge mostly for myself (and my interpretations of the prompts are very much influenced by my lack of knowledge about much of that stuff; and also by my “little shit who does not want to do what they’re told to” nature, a bit…)

i do plan to post everything, after I’m done with it, probably combining most of the pieces into a few posts.

BUT, like this one, I’ll post a few of them separately, just because it feels more right to me!

this prompt was: day 7 — pinterest art base. not sure how exactly I was supposed to interpret this, but i just decided to take one of my many pinterest references and do something with it. and ta-da, the result!))

[abiiors]

here to request some ross hurt/comfort but like reader comforts ross…i feel like he’s always the big guy who everyone leans on but sometimes he just needs to be taken care of it could be like sick!fic or really anything idk god can you tell i wanna baby the fuck out of a grown man sorry if this isn’t specific enough or you’ve already done it before ily bye

a/n: this is so so so so tremendously sappy and sickly sweet, and also ridiculously tiny. hope you enjoy!!

cw: none

wc: 1k

ross can feel his head throbbing to the beat of the music. pounding, incessant headache that won’t go away no matter how many times he’s rubbed his eyes or drank water or tried one of the myriad of other things you always recommend, and yet, nothing. 

he know why it’s happening too—he has gone from europe to america and back to the uk in a span of ten days, subjected himself to shitty airline food and even shittier coffee. he’s exhausted; absolutely weary at this point. and listening to the same song on repeat isn’t helping. there’s no way he’s useful to anyone at the studio like this, when he’s just so prone to snapping. 

so ross silently picks up his coat, shoots the sound engineer a message and makes his way to the car. 

—

his house smells of jasmine and lemon verbena—a sure sign that you have just left the shower, walking around the house, rubbing your favourite body butter into your skin like you always do. it calms him a little but the headache is still there. if anything, it’s gotten worse in the last twenty minutes. 

“ross…?” your confused voice gets his attention. 

ross smiles at the sight of you, almost drowning in his giant jumper. your hair, still wet from the shower, is held loosely on top of your head with a clawclip. it’s a welcome sight. 

“don’t feel too hot,” he frowns, lip tugging downward. “just a headache, love.”

your frown mirrors his as you make your way to stand in front of him. ross watches your face screw up in concentration, placing the back of your hand on his forehead. “no fever,” you murmur and look up at him. 

“what’s wrong?”

“just a headache,” he repeats, “nothing to worry about. it’s been a long week. just wanna nap.”

your confusion melts away, giving way to a soft pout. “aww, baby,” you coo at him and ross almost melts. the jasmine and lemon scent hits him now that you’re this close. it’s mellow, soothing. he closes his eyes and breathes it in. 

when he opens them again, your face comes into view, except this time there’s a little smile pulling at your lips as you take a hold of his hand. 

“come on,” he feels a tug; you, trying to drag him to the bedroom, “i have just the thing…”

he doesn’t protest, silently following you through the house and into the bedroom that still smells of your various skincare products. there’s a little wet splotch on the bed—no doubt from you sitting there in your towel, scrolling through your phone as water from your wet hair drips onto the bed. ross smiles at your little embarrassed giggle that’s followed by a barely audible “oops”. 

“sit,” you instruct, watching his face for any signs of pain. 

he hides it well, or tries to at least, only wincing when a particularly sharp twinge of pain slices through his temple. he should have had another coffee but now it’s too late for that. unless he can plead you to make him a cup. 

but he’s fairly certain he’d rather have you here than getting a cup of coffee. 

“close your eyes.” and so he does, curious about why he hears a little laugh in your voice but he follows the instructions obidiently when you tell him to scootch back and get comfy against the pillows. 

he waits, resisting the urge to peak when he feels the bed dip below your weight, when he feels you getting closer and sitting right in front of him. and oh how grateful he is for that. because a moment later, he can’t help but let out a soft moan as your fingers run through his scalp. 

he hears a small giggle. “that sounds like it feels nice.”

“mmm, it does–wow.” he can barely bring himself to finish the sentence as your fingers press against all the achy points in head; untangling the knots and getting rid of his hair tie that might just have been half the problem. he sighs happily. 

“c’me here, baby,” he opens his eyes to grip at your waist and pull you onto his lap—the closer, the better. “perfect.”

once you move around to settle yourself, you’re back at it again, this time adding a hair brush to the mix. ross hums contently, enjoying the way it feels, enjoying the tension that slowly leaves his body and how his limbs get heavier. 

through half-lidded eyes, ross stares at your focused face—the little crease between your eyebrows, tongue slightly poking out and he can’t help but press a small kiss on your jaw. 

his beard must have tickled because you let out a sharp laugh. 

he takes advantage of it—of your head thrown back—and presses three kisses down your neck in quick succession, savouring the little giggles. 

“oh, you’re a menace!” you tease. 

he grins back, stiffling yet another wince at the sharp pain in his head. but you still notice it anyway.

“how about we nap…” you offer, setting the brush aside and getting off his lap. he has half a mind to protest this decision but then he sees the offer on the table—you laying down just enough for him to snuggle into you and squish his face into your tits. that’s it, the final comfort. 

“perfect,” he mumbles, closing his eyes once again. ross snickers when he hears you whisper something that suspiciously sounds like god, you’re such a man. but you don’t move. instead you go back to threading your fingers through his hair. 

as his eyes grow heavier and heavier, ross realises how much he’s looking forward to this, proper sleep for the first time in a long time. and how he plans on being lazy with you all day once he finally gets rid of this headache. 

[saintels]

Would abby/ellie go with their girlfriends to the Eras Tour and how would it go Lol

This is so cute lol! I definitely think both of them would go but each a little different than the other. for all my swiftie babies.

─── ✫ Abby and Ellie vs. The Taylor Swift Eras Tour

Abby would definitely be the more enthusiastic of the two.

She’s letting you plan the matching outfits, not fussed as she sees you bringing to life your pinterest board of inspiration that have you crafting with sparkling rhinestones, glitter and hearts. She kind of loves the cowboy aesthetic; letting you dress-up her outfit of a simple white wifebeater with a pink bandana around her neck, a fuzzy cowgirl hat and glitter across her freckled broad shoulders. The stares from other girls don’t go unnoticed by you, the row behind giggling as she stays oblivious to it and continues to rummage curiously through your merch bag.

She doesn’t know many of the songs apart from the popular ones. Actually, she knows a lot of the songs but none of the lyrics, just remembering them by melodies from when you’ve played them in the car. She holds you extra tight during ‘Enchanted’, smiling down at you with pure love in her eyes as you belt the lyrics, encircled by her arms around your waist. She knows how much you love this song and how much sentiment it has so she decides not to take that from you and keeps the engagement ring box hidden in her back pocket.

The girls behind have moved on from jealousy to utter awe as they watch her be completely captivated by your pure state of excitement.

Ellie isn’t mad that you’re dragging her to the concert but let’s just say, she isn’t as excited as you are.

She’s grateful you didn’t force her to wear an over the top outfit, knowing that she would not enjoy that. She’s probably wearing a tour shirt with black jeans and her boots or a white “I ❤️ T.S” Tee.

The opening act hasn’t even started and she’s already getting up to get a beer.

She only really knows the popular songs and she would never admit it — but she tried her hardest to educate herself on the lyrics to your favorite songs like 2 days before the concert. She’s humming to the music, drink in one hand and her other on your waist as she sways slowly. During ‘Lover’ specifically, she’s smiling down at you as your eyes twinkle. She leans down, placing a soft kiss on your lips, holding you tightly by the waist.

She also brings her cameras — her film camera and her digital one. She’s grinning as she sits on the hotel bed after the show; rolling through the candids she has of you on the digital camera. She jitters with excitement and she can’t wait to get her film developed, thinking about that photo of the kiss you shared during your favorite song.

She enjoyed herself a lot more than she thought she would but she’d never admit that to you. She also definitely made friends with the mom next to her.

[louisupdates]

It’s something for me that has always been really, really important to me as an artist is being authentic. It’s not that it’s a constant battle, but it is an evolution as an artist. And as you grow as an artist, you want to make sure you’re growing in a really kind of authentic and honest way.

I feel a lot more comfortable doing this style of music and a tour that feels and looks and sounds like this. But also, I feel like I get more back from the fans because of that. And it does feel like the more honest I am, the deeper connection I have with them.

Every single show is individual, you know, at least for me. So, you know, I can have a brilliant show the day before, if I’m not feeling amazing on the day, it doesn’t— the show that happened yesterday isn’t as relevant as you might think it is, really, day to day, as a singer and as a performer.

But it’s almost the way that the intro is for The Greatest, and the band go to stage first and they start the intro, and I can hear all that intro in my ears.

And it does feel like you’re about to walk out to a boxing fight, for sure, it’s got that kind of feeling. And I kind of, I’ve said before, in that moment, I don’t really think anything other than what it is I’m about to do.

It is mentally demanding, what we do, but the reward, you know, is worth it every single night.

When All This Time starts, I kind of just look out, because even on the best shows— and in fact, often more so on the shows that are really, really exciting and really fun, there’s an element that if you don’t take an opportunity to be present, that those moments pass you by. So I like to just, kind of, just sit out, look at the crowd, think about how far I’ve come.

Like in Amsterdam or any of the places like that, I think about the last venue I played in this city. So, you know, it’s just about me kind of taking in every bit of that moment that I can. Those moments, I’ve learned to really, kind of, cherish those moments during the show, definitely.

During Saturdays, which is always a special song for me— I can’t really ever put my finger on specifically why— but from the first time I sang it live, it just… it kind of takes over me emotionally, more so than any other song on the set.

So when the fans did their incredible light show, that fan project, it was amazing because I was already feeling really emotional in the song, and then seeing this incredible spectacle, which is just absolutely undeniable, and you feel…

The great thing about those moments when people hold their phones up is, sometimes when you look into a sea of people, it’s hard to distinguish between every single person. When you’ve got that light up there, you just see the depth of the room, and you see how many people are there and also how many people are engaged for the show. So yeah, that was a really, really special moment for me.

We’ve still got the UK leg to do, obviously, but you always find yourself a little more reflective in these times with it being the end of the European leg. I’d just say a general “thank you” to everyone who attended, everyone who supported online.

And hopefully, you know, you feel as proud as I do when you look at the growth and how far we’ve come in just, you know, the space of like 12 months, 18 months. So yeah, massive “thank you” to all of you!

- Transcript to Louis’ IGTV, FITFWT23: EUROPE [1.11.2023]