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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 year

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I posted somewhat recently about being interested in the history of comedy as we know it today, how the “classic Edinburgh hour” thing developed, why it developed differently there than in America or other places. And I think the answer to that question would involve knowing more than I do about the alternative comedy thing, like the original one, from the 70s and 80s. Or possibly 80s and 90s. I think it may in fact have started in 1979. I’m not really sure. A man named Oliver Double has written some books about it but they cost a lot of money so I haven’t bought them yet.

I said in that post that I’m pretty sure Stewart Lee also knows, and if I were able to ask him, he’d probably explain it to me in a way that makes it clear he's really really annoyed at me for not already knowing. He’s always telling us about various “godfathers of alternative comedy”. Almost always fathers, though I have all the respect for the few women who carved a path out at the time. Bridget Christie also has a line in her DVDs show lauding “Jo Brand, Hattie Hayridge, Jenny Éclair, Victoria Wood, they paved the way for my generation”, so apparently that whole (former) family was big on crediting path pavers. I suspect Ted Chippington may not have been quite as brilliant as Stewart Lee believes, but in general, I do respect commitment from anyone to knowing their history and crediting the people who created the systems we know today.

Today, I heard Jeremy Hardy’s episode of the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, and I realized that would have some good answers for me early on, when we got this exchange:

Stuart Goldsmith: What do people most often get wrong about the birth of alternative comedy, for which you were actually present?

Jeremy Hardy: Oh, well there's a narrative - I mean, Stewart Lee, I'm very fond of Stewart, he's a brilliant comedian, but he likes to be the president of comedy. He always talks about the early days of alternative comedy, and he doesn't know because he was still at Cheltenham Ladies College at that point.

I wrote down that quote after I heard it, and then I listened to the episode, and about twelve more times I heard him say some stuff that answers some of my questions about alternative comedy (from someone who was, in fact, there, and is rather less condescending about it than Stewart Lee), though annoyingly I listened while walking to work so didn’t get the chance to write them down. It’s a fascinating episode, though. I really recommend it to anyone who’s interested in this, or just anyone who listened to any Radio 4 during the several decades that it was under Jeremy Hardy’s rule.

The News Quiz/The Now Show circa 2009-ish was my introduction to Radio 4, my dad would play it in the car and then I started downloading the podcast and listening to it myself every week, something I still do today. Jeremy Hardy might have been the most consistent presence on The News Quiz since I started listening to it – even more so than the hosts, since they changed, but he didn’t, as long as he was alive. Sandi Toksvig left, the other regular guests came and went, Jeremy Hardy was always there. With his socialist takes and light mocking of the whole idea that the concept of topical jokes were worth the airtime.

I had no idea he was sick or anything. I remember at some point noticing that he hadn’t been on for a few weeks, which was rare for him, but not unheard of, I didn’t think much of it. Then I was walking home from work one day in 2019, I remember exactly what intersection I was at, when I got to the end of my News Quiz episode and then-host Miles Jupp announced that they would be ending this episode with a tribute to the late Jeremy Hardy. He’s not come up on my blog much, but I do still think very briefly of him every time I pass that intersection. What a massive, untimely loss to good topical comedy and satirical comedy and all of Radio 4 and the stuff we don’t have enough of these days.

So hearing his Comedian’s Comedian episode was a treat, though sad in parts, especially since he kept making jokes about how he’s gotten old so his life will be ending soon (the episode’s from two years before he died, at only 57 so much too early). I hadn’t heard his voice in a long time, I’d forgotten how absolutely lovely he is. Just deeply unassuming, unpretentious, amiable and affable and friendly. He shared his views on the podcast easily and generously, and even when he was talking shit about someone (which he did a bit, particularly about Patrick Marber, the guy whom I only know about because Lee and Herring also hate him), he just sounded pleasant and comfortable and kind. Always making allowances for different people’s different tastes, expressing respect and admiration for the whole gauntlet of other styles, always having an interesting analysis. I could listen to him talk all day. We needed Jeremy Hardy around for longer than we had him, even though he managed nearly four decades in comedy.

Some of his stories were fascinating. Ruminations on British vs. American comedy, the different comedic styles he’s watched go in and out of fashion in his years. The rise of some types of jokes and the fall of others, and the branching off as it got bigger. The way things were easier when it was newer and smaller even if the ceiling was lower. The political comedy versus the deep personal comedy versus the observational comedy, and how everyone could get criticized for not doing enough of one or the other.

There’s a whole big discussion on heckling that I loved, and again, Jeremy Hardy’s generosity comes through as he says he understands the mind of people who do that and doesn’t hate them. Admits having heckled someone himself once, and regretting it but also using it to understand his audience better.

Listening to this was such a nice experience, in addition to answering some of my questions about comedy history. I just highly recommend it to anyone who wants to hear a nice and intelligent man with lots of cool experiences ruminate on those experiences with an excellent interviewer who got the best out of him, I think:

I've also just watched Arthur Smith's My 75 Years at the Edinburgh Fringe, his 2022 Edinburgh show that was streamed on NextUp. It's quite a cool history of comedy at the Edinburgh Festival, and alternative comedy in general. It wasn't the funniest show I've ever seen, but it was poignant and interesting and it did get a few laughs out of me. He sang some Leonard Cohen songs and recited some poems and those were genuinely lovely. And he told me some stories about the history that I want to know. So I guess there's also that, if you want a history of comedy but want to save more money before paying for expensive books.

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softprincesso · 4 years

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✨ HOW TO BECOME A WEALTHY MIDDLE AGED MAN✨

PT.2: Overview to understanding different saving/retirement methods, investments, and forms of income

Pt. 2.2 Overview of Investments

Welcome lovelies to (what I hope will be) a helpful series on gaining wealth and becoming financially literate and independent!

Disclaimer: Check other posts. It's too long to keep typing out.

Now comes (what I believe) is the fun part of money. Making it grow.

Investments are defined as “an asset or item acquired with the goal of generating income or appreciation.” Essentially, anything you purchase with the belief that in time it will be worth more. This includes the entire stock market, cryptocurrencies, art, real estate, jewelry, vintage coins, designer bags, etc. Of course, some of these take more time and each comes with some amount of risk. These variables change according to your strategy as an investor.

✨THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND✨

Begin as a Beginner

Do not overwhelm yourself during your financial literacy journey by trying to learn everything, all at once, while also trying it all out. The thing that creates the most confusion when learning is believing the lie that you can multitask well. Yes, start with a brief overview of the systems and institutions (what we are currently doing in the series) but literally all you need to start is definitions and a gist so that you can comprehend how they connect later on. Learning an entire world that has never been taught to you is going to take time, and I’m talking years. And then, when you think you have something down your going to mess up or read an article about how the stock you saw yesterday for $6 is now $1000 and you’re going to be frustrated (this happens a lot). But, If you want to learn about the stock market, focus on the stock market. Retirement still scares you, focus on that until you master it and have a plan. And for Christ’s (or whatever deity/person/universe you believe in) if you do not have a steady stream of income do not put your last pennies trying to get into crypto (or any investing truly). This is something to start after you have income, a savings, a retirement, and have paid off at least most debts.

Recommended sources to learn more:

Netflix has a great series called “Explained” where (you guessed it) they explain things. While I recommend every episode because you can never learn too much, there are ones specifically dedicated to the stock market, cryptocurrencies, and billionaires each that helps to uncomplicate the history and purpose of each of these things.

✨Let’s get started✨

The Stock Market

“Stock markets are real and electronic exchanges that enable the buying and selling of securities. The most popular include the NYSE, Nasdaq MarketSite, and Tokyo Stock Exchange.” Let me, let you, in on a little secret-the stock market is essentially fantasy football (sorry, my American is showing) but with companies. When you buy a security, you are betting that (in the long run or short run, depending on your strategy) that a certain company will perform well and gain profits, which in turn will gain you money on what you bet. There are two categories of players in the market which include the assets (the football players) and the investors (the betting public). Of the assets you can categorize further by what position they play on the field…

Stocks

Most well-known, but the riskiest. The “star” player that everyone hypes up and takes all the credit. Stocks are fractional pieces of publicly traded companies, and by buying a stock you own a relative size of that company. They are either “paying you” through growth (when their stock price rises) or through dividends (when they send you a piece of their profits directly).

Mutual Funds

Less known but a safer bet than single stocks. Popular among those in middle age. “Mutual funds are baskets of stocks or bonds. They come in all different shapes and sizes, from covering broad stock market indexes to focusing on specific sectors.” When you buy a mutual fund, you are saying that you believe on average that pile of stocks/bonds are going to do well, instead of betting on a single player. Usually they are actively managed by people who are trying to “beat” the market for you. Statistically good for the short term, long term are less effective than ETFs.

Index Funds: a subset of mutual funds that are passively managed and track indexes like an ETF but trade like a mutual fund (once at the end of the day and without reliance of supply and demand)

ETFs

Exchange traded funds. The up-and-coming underdog that’s gaining popularity. These are passively managed baskets of stocks and bonds that track over a specific index like the S&P 500. They work like stocks, being traded throughout the day, relying on supply and demand, while giving a lot of the advantages that mutual funds do. They also come with their own set of disadvantages but are still a great way to diversify a portfolio inexpensively.

Bonds

The reliable bench players you know you can put in to save a game. Great safe bets that can generate a steady income. Bonds work like a loan for a regular person, except for a company. You can loan your money to a company which will pay you a principal plus a fixed interest back every specified period. There are different types which come with different advantages and strategies, so make sure to read the fine print.

Commodities

Tangible goods that go into manufacturing-Gold, oil, metals, corn, soybeans, etc. A good defensive team to have in the game for a hedge against inflation or economic troubles. They trade in a commodity exchange. You can still access them through most brokers.

Source to look into for deeper understanding and questions: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/i/investment.asp

Easy way to get started quickly:

1. Create a brokerage account: There are lots of accounts to choose from, but I would go for accounts that have zero fees and no minimum, this is starting to become the norm but once upon a time you had to give a minimum investment of $5000 to get started. I personally use Charles Schwab and Robinhood. I love all of the tools and accounts Schwab has and Robinhood is just easy to use.

2. Sign up: this may take a day or two to finalize, especially with banks but it shouldn’t be a big deal

3. Connect a card or account to transfer funds

4. Buy your first security: I would start off with simply looking up beginner investments on google. I recommend either an ETF, index fund, or choose a company that you have an interest in because you will be more likely to keep up on their news

5. Tip: think long term as a beginner. Sure, once you start learning and understanding you can change your strategy to gain more in a shorter time, but this comes with much more risk. Do not be an idiot and sell all of your stock when you see your investment plummet nor sell as soon as you see it go up a little. The best advice for a beginner: Buy a stock and leave it alone (for YEARS)

Property/Real Estate

There are many ways to invest in real estate-you can buy a property, you can invest in a property fund, you can become a landlord,or you can flip a property. Again, depending on the strategy, will change the risk and reward you have taken on. All of these options are usually on the more cash heavy side but can reap a lot of rewards if done right.

Source to look into:

https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/5-ways-to-invest-in-real-estate

Easy way to get started quickly:

1. Buy a real estate ETF or fund, you can just look this up on google or through your brokerage

2. OR you could look into buying a property near you and renting it out if you have that much cash (Make sure to do your research, this can get pretty complicated)

Art

Also considered property but until recently it was incredibly hard to invest in art without significant cash and contacts available. Now, there are platforms like Masterworks where you can buy a fraction of a piece like a stock of Monet and you get the rise in appreciation. However, it still is for those with money already available, I believe you have to invest a minimum of $2500 to get started on MW.

Sources to look into: https://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/08/fine-art.asp

Crypto

Cryptocurrencies are digital currencies that are not backed by real or tangible assets or goods, but on the trust and value of the people that use them, and supply and demand. They can be traded like stocks on an exchange and are tracked with a digital ledger on the blockchain. The first cryptocurrency was Bitcoin and the rest that have followed are categorized as altcoins (alternative coins).

The stage of cryptocurrencies we are in is likened to the early 90s with the internet. Not a lot people truly understand the blockchain (the vast ledger space which contains every transaction made securely in encrypted “blocks” that are then “chained” together so that if one block is compromised the whole chain shuts it down.) It is decentralized and written simultaneously on thousands of super computers. The beauty of it is that if one ledger on one computer is somehow hacked or wrong the rest of the computers storing the ledger interrupt and either fix it or shut it down. A way to understand it is blockchain is to the internet as bitcoin is to a website, but the internet runs off people trusting the system, blockchain runs off trusting no one.

The currencies that run on blockchain can have a multitude of purposes, but bitcoin was really just the starting solution to fix the problem of trust on the internet. People wanted a secure, anonymous, untraceable way to spend money online, like cash is in the real world. And while for the most part it is just that, it isn’t completely anonymous. Like in the real world if you buy something from Mcd*nalds with cash that transaction is still recorded in their system and through a receipt. Your crypto transactions are recorded in the blockchain, but most people don’t even know how to access the ledger so for now any ill*cit purchases you make are pretty safe.

I HIGHLY recommend looking into a cryptocurrency course or training just because there is so much that goes into it and lots of details that can help you. This investment is incredibly risky and volatile! I only would suggest investing an amount you are completely comfortable to lose ALL of.

Sources to learn more:

https://www.investopedia.com/cryptocurrency-4427699

Easy to get started quickly (Please dear lord do your research first):

1. Sign up on a crypto exchange like Coinbase or Binance, some brokers (like Robinhood) also allow you to trade crypto but it’s a very limited selection

2. Do lots of research!! (I’m going to say it until you get it, and I don’t think you get it yet)

3. Think of it like stocks, if you read up on the coin and its purpose, and think that it’s going to be useful soon or in the future, then invest

4. Tip: the crypto market moves MUCH faster than the stock market and is much more sensitive. In just these last few days (literally hours) bitcoin was trading at $40,000+, the following day, for whatever reason (people got scared, people wanted to sell to get profits, etc.) it will barely hold $33,000. So, invest wisely!

This is very brief list of the main investments. There is still a lot of depth each of these goes into and especially with things like crypto, information changes 24/7. I hope you have learned by now that you should be continually learning as well. Instead of spending your morning looking at your Instagram feed of bum friends, dusty men, and “models” spend it reading the paper and catching up on the market. Follow investors and billionaires like you follow celebrities and see how much smarter you become. At the end of the day winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.

With love,

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himboarcher · 4 years

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reasons i've seen folks say that grad critics hate grad:

they hate travis (in fairness, i’ve def seen some comments of people shitting on trav for the sake of shitting on trav, but it’s not super common and typically gets downvoted into oblivion on reddit.)

it's not balance / travis isn't griffin (???????)

they hate neurodivergent people (again, in fairness, i have seen a handful of comments that could come across this way! but most of the time when travis being ADHD or his NPD is brought up, it's by defenders saying that criticizing travis is ableist because he's neurodivergent or, in one particular comment, infantilizing him bc of it and literally comparing grad to putting a kid's artwork on the fridge. there were some comments early on that pointed to him being a narcissist as the reason for things people disliked about grad, but everyone seems to have realized that that's a shitty train of thought and left it behind.)

they're just toxic haters (again, there are a small handful of people like this because this is the internet, but the genuine criticism greatly outweighs their bullshit. i 100% think that the people, which is mostly just one dude who is also insufferable on reddit, who have been responding rudely to positive tweets under the episode announcements lately are out of line and need to stop. there's been an influx of that lately, presumably because people are frustrated that after over a year of grad going on, there's been no improvement to most of the major issues. that's still no excuse to be a dick to folks, though.)

vs some of the actual reasons i don't like grad:

the racism / racist tropes, and the way that they’ve straight up ignored this criticism and will likely never acknowledge it. pretty wild considering a core tenet of their brand is their willingness to acknowledge when they’ve messed up and do their best to course correct.

clumsy attempts at inclusion that are shallow and often end up being fairly offensive ("...ask me about my wheelchair," anyone?)

on a related note: i don't think that travis had bad intentions, but as an nonbinary person, it feels othering to me that travis only has enby characters give others their pronouns unprompted. i'm thinking specifically of kai here. having listened to their introduction, i don't think it's as bad or awkward as some people have said, but i can't remember travis ever having another NPC tell the PCs their pronouns, especially not a cis character. it's not a huge deal, but it's something that rubbed me the wrong way. admittedly, i don't think it would bother me so much if travis hadn't dropped the ball so much with performative inclusion in the past.

okay i'm putting the rest under a read more because even without getting into all of the problems i have with it, this got Long.

little to no player agency. player choices are ultimately meaningless and have little to no effect on the world. even when he seems to go along with a plan they come up with, it always ends with them having to go back to travis' pre-written script (see: subpoenaing the xorn, but not really because they had to go with travis' original plan of "send the xorn home through the rift".) the players repeatedly get told things about what they think or feel or what they've been doing to an unnecessary degree. fitzroy is the only one who really gets space to play and decide things for himself, and that's only because travis has decided he's the main character.

the NPCs are all too nice and willing to give the PCs anything they ask for and more, unless the PCs are trying to follow their own plan and then the NPCs are completely useless. but honestly, aside from gray, all of the NPCs are just.... nice. travis refuses to even let his antagonists be mean or cruel or even more than just slightly rude, because that'd be a bummer and we don't want that! the "twist" of gordy the lich king actually being polite and chill is not a twist at all because everyone is like that in this world. the NPCs are also wildly overpowered, but then suddenly absolutely useless when the PCs actually want their help.

too many cliffhangers that are dropped immediately at the beginning of the next episode. i feel bad for travis because so many of these cliffhangers actually set up good momentum and seemed like things were gonna get interesting, but almost every single time he just dropped them at the beginning of the next episode. like when althea showed up to interview the boys and the next episode started with travis being like "actually you went to sleep, she said she'll be back tomorrow!"

that time travis specifically said in his exposition dump that the thundermen left their horses behind because they thought the centaurs might be offended by them riding horses, only to later on rag on them for being surprised that the centaurs had horses they could ride.....

also the centaur arc in general, but i already listed racism above, so.

the way that the toxic positivity and parasocial tendencies in the mcelroy fandoms have made a large portion of the fandom take ANY criticism as a personal attack on travis and/or on themselves for enjoying something others consider bad, either morally or just quality-wise. it’s okay to admit that something you like has problematic elements or just isn’t as good as it once was. you can and should engage critically with the media you consume.

related to above: the way travis has handled genuine criticism, which is to throw public tantrums on his twitter or make weird passive aggressive tweets & ultimately ignore all the genuine criticism and advice he's been offered by claiming it's all subjective, even after he specifically asked for it and set up an email for folks to send in genuine, objective advice for him (after he threw a tantrum on twitter and replied to someone's criticism publicly, which resulted in his followers dogpiling on that person bc how dare they insult their internet best friend). while i was writing this last night, he actually announced that he’s taking a break from Twitter and acknowledged that he’s been using it as an echo chamber where he can easily get validation from folks, and honestly i’m happy for him that he’s recognized this problem and is stepping away for a while! i hope he’ll genuinely use this time to reflect on how he’s been behaving and find a more healthy way to use social media. i’m leaving this point in because i think his Twitter being such a positive echo chamber was encouraging him to do stuff like this, and him somewhat acknowledging his behavior doesn’t mean it can no longer be discussed.

rainer. extremely cool concept in theory and i was very into it until that awkward "does anyone want to ask about my wheelchair?" moment. also when travis had her use her mobility aid to RAM INTO A DOOR instead of just fucking knocking???? also all the times travis has tried to force a romantic relationship between her and fitzroy, despite fitzroy displaying no interest in her in that way. also, just to clarify: as an ace person, i don’t think this is aphobic! (and it’s kind of a stretch to call it that imo, especially since griffin never explicitly said that fitzroy's aromantic!) i just think it’s weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable for me personally, mostly because it reminds me of the times i’ve been in similar situations.

less of a problem than a lot of the other stuff and more just bad writing, but the forced emotional moments. in general, nothing in grad feels earned (why are the boys heading a war? when they have multiple actual heroes with combat experience on their side and a supposedly powerful secret organization? and the thundermen are like 21 years old max and have only had like ~10 fights in the entire campaign?) but there've been a couple times where travis has tried to force unearned emotional moments, presumably because he knows people enjoyed those with the last campaigns. but the difference is that in balance, the big emotional moments happened because they were earned. in grad, it's just travis throwing a baby pegasus at us for a few minutes and then the next time she shows up, it's supposed to be a tearful goodbye.

there are absolutely no stakes. remember when the thundermen got told that if they left, gray would kill 10 students? and then they left and came back and it turns out that what gray actually meant was, "i'll tie ten students who are mostly nameless NPCs to a tree and throw some dogs at them that you can easily stop in time, then throw a tantrum because how dare you but i'll leave before you can really do anything to hurt me lol" travis did have fitzroy's magic get taken away, but like. it didn't really do anything? also all he had to get it back was be coerced into using drugs by an authority figure and trip in the woods?

we're told that the school is weird and the hero system is corrupt, but the world of nua is still presented as more of a liberal utopia than anything? althea getting fired because of a corrupt villain is the only time we've somewhat seen corruption, but even then, she was still allowed to get (what seems to me, anyway, but admittedly i don't know for sure bc nothing about the HOG makes much sense) a fairly important job from the very people who stripped her of her hero license or whatever the fuck heroes need?

travis doesn't actually seem to understand how capitalism or bureaucracy works and just chalks up everything to "red tape." also more on the rest of the boys than him specifically, but the "let's destroy capitalism!" thing turning into just pushing some filing cabinets over................... okay.

and one last piece of extremely subjective criticism: it's just kind of.... boring. i think a lot of people, myself included, would be willing to overlook 90% of the problems with graduation if it didn't feel like such a slog to get through.

also people saying that we can't or shouldn't criticize graduation because it's "free" is absolutely absurd for several reasons. first, something being free does not make it above criticism. second, there ARE people who directly financially support the show with monthly donations. three, there's a difference between something being free and something being not for profit. podcasting is their full time job. they make their living off of money made from TAZ and MBMBAM (and probably their other shows to a lesser extent). this not a fun home game that they are graciously recording and sharing with us. it is a product they are producing that they make money off of, both from ads in the episodes and merch & books based off of these podcasts. they have marketed themselves as professionals, and both griffin and travis have been on panels where they are marketed as professional DMs and appear alongside other professional DMs (which makes it incredibly frustrating when people say that travis is just a newbie DM and we can't criticize him because of that. if he's a newbie, then he should not be taking part of panels as a professional DM where he speaks as an expert). TAZ is free in the same way that an episode of NCIS is free. i may not pay for it directly, but the creators are paid to create it and profit off of me consuming this product. so saying we should be grateful for any mcelnoise that the benevolent good boys share with us and that we're not allowed to criticize it "because it's free" is absolutely wild.

#negativity cw #i guess #anyway this is not meant to say that you cannot enjoy grad.#but i'm tired of folks on this website acting like there aren't genuine problems with it #and saying that people just dislike it bc they hate travis etc etc #taz graduation #i genuinely don't expect anyone to read this bc it's so long #but here ya go.#long post

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winchesterxxi · 4 years

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Tolerate It (Din Djarin x Reader)

Rating: PG-13 my dudes.

Type: Angst and some undercooked tasteless fluff cuz I’m a mess and extremely rusty.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Unrequited love, because that’s all we have these days and that shit hurts.

A/N: Based on Taylor Swift’s “Tolerate it” because I deadass listened to that song for the first time and could just picture this scenario ALSO I’m extremely rusty. As in, I haven’t written jackshit like this in over a year. Pardon this crap, but i was really emotional and in need to project onto a newly released song.

✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸ ✸

I sit and watch you reading with your head low

The three of you were sitting in the cockpit. The Mandalorian resting his head against the leather of the pilot chair as you sat behind him, The Child in your arms, entertaining itself by tugging and twirling some of your hair strands as you smile down at him and wiggle the occasional finger against his side making him laugh.

This adorable green creature didn’t even phantom about your existence 4 months ago and now you would kill and get killed for it. And admittedly, the same goes for the man resting with his back to you.

I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed

I sit and watch you.

You were a servant at the tavern where he was set to meet the Client and hand over the child, which was all part of a bigger plan, you later found out. Just like him and his team, you got trapped when the stormtroopers and deathtroopers surrounded the building and opened fire, killing the Client and sending a bullet flying dangerously close to your head. When Mando, as you called him, found a vent into the sewers he made sure that you were not left behind.

And that started it for you. He directed no more than 10 words in your direction between entering the location and offering an escape once it was crumbling down, but he was willing to save your life. Once out of danger, the questions started: “who are you”, “what’s your name”, and “don’t you have a place to go”. You told him then, the answers to all of those questions. And you also explained how, given that you were a servant you didn’t actually have a place to go back to.

So he did a logical thing. Or at least, then and there, it was a purely logical thing. A pro-quo, if you will. He offered you a place to stay, in return of you working as some sort of a makeshift assistant of his own; someone to look after The Child when he couldn’t and proceed basic maintenance to the Razor Crest when needed.

And you accepted. You know, the logical thing. Or at least , then and there, it was a purely logical thing.

Though small, you had your own bed in the lower part of the ship giving you some privacy, occasionally disrupted by The Child that insisted on being cuddle against you in order to fall asleep or when there was an emergency that required your help, but, even then, Din wouldn’t just barge in; He’d always knock and make sure you were okay with him opening the door.

You told yourself that he was just being respectful - giving you the privacy that he hoped you’d retribute, which you always did. When it came to such things, you’d tip toe around him, not asking too many questions and only talking when spoken to or when you wanted to break an incredibly heavy silence. You respected The Way.

I notice everything you do or don't do

Eventually, you started to pick up through his body language traits and quirks of his personality that you couldn’t capture through the enclosed and hidden facial expressions: how he’d always lay The Child against his left arm while on a hunt as to work the weapons with his other hand, how he’s close his fists whenever he realized that he was about to shoot someone; or how after encasing any creature in carbonite, he’d always look over at his capture for a few moments in silence, before rolling his shoulders back and walk away, without uttering a word.

And those little things started to change with time. Changing, as in, new instincts and unconscious movements came to be concerning you: small things, like he’d never walk you in front of him, so as to be on the lookout to any danger or making sure to deviate any conversation that a badly-internationalized creature might want to direct at you.

Eventually, it became bigger. Or at least you thought. He’d make sure that you were covered whenever you fell asleep anywhere that wasn’t your bed; he started to crack jokes with you and have the occasional fight over whose time it was to bathe the kid, like an old married couple.

You're so much older and wiser, and I I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome

Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it

One day he’d be like that, and the next, he’d come back after a hunt in which it was too dangerous for you to go, and you’d been waiting all day (when it wasn’t a whole week) for him to come back, not injured and very much alive, and he almost wouldn’t acknowledge you, going straight into the fresher and locking himself in there.

Every time you’d be at the ready with cloths in your hand, prepared to clean any blood splatter or to wrap any open wound. But he’d dismiss you and lock himself away, somewhere in the ship.

If you didn’t know what mixed signals were before, you sure as hell knew now.

I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listеn, I polish plates until they gleam and glistеn

One day, you had enough.

It was dark night already, and Mando made a lousy entrance through the main portal, struggling to push ahead of him a man much larger than him, draped in canvas coverings.

“Just walk.” Mando grunted, at the same time as he pushed against the man’s back. You were just sitting there, as always, first aid at the ready by your side, watching the scene unfold, unbothered. That is, until you caught the man’s eye.

While you were out building other worlds, where was I?

“Last time I heard you were a lone rider.” He wickedly grins at you. “But maybe that was all talk and you were just keeping this all to yourself.”

You slowly sit upright as your body tenses up. Mando doesn’t utter a word.

“Who’s that pretty thing anyways?”

“No one. Keep walking.” He grunts, pushing the man once more and away from you.

No one.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been so bothered by that description because, truth be told, he was probably trying not to get you involved in any unnecessary interactions with that disgusting being. But it’s as if those words were the final straw you needed to snap out of this passiveness you’ve held on to for the past few months.

“You know virtually everything there is to know about me, my life, and my planet. You gave me shelter and I owe my life to you. But I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s The Way.”

“Oh would you shut the fuck up with that, already?”

“You don’t talk to me like that.”

“Does The Way say that you have to be an asshole 90% of the time. Shutting out the world around you whenever you just don’t feel like dealing with them. I never even got a single thank you for rewiring the central system which prevented us from freezing to death.”

“You won’t even acknowledge me every time you come back from a hunt and you just told that guy that I was no one. Those were the exact words you used.”

“I ditched the very peaceful and stable life that I had because I wanted to help you. I have done nothing but be loyal to you for the past few months, doing everything you ask me to, yet here I am begging for footnotes in the story of your life.”

You are too close to him, almost pressed against his chest. He steps past you, brushing against your shoulder, leaning over the cockpit’s panel, his hands supporting him. He answers, with his back facing you, like he always seems to do these days.

“If it was so peaceful, maybe you should go back to it, because obviously you weren’t cut for this life.”

“What, I wasn’t cut for The Way?” you walk in his direction, blood boiling and fists curled by your side.

“Exactly.”

“Fine, maybe I’ll go.” And in that moment you could almost swear his face dropped, even if you couldn’t see it. Taking advantage of the moment you step in his direction, tilting your head up, summoning all your strength “But first tell me it’s all in my head.”

“What?” he is caught off guard, turning to face you.

“Tell me that you haven’t stared more than a couple of times. That your heart didn’t drop to the bottom of your stomach when I almost drowned in the Mamacore cage. Tell me that you don’t need my help and that I mean nothing to you. Tell me that I am taking up too much of your space or time.”

“You can’t know if I stare at you.” Really? That’s the one thing he chose to answer?

“That I can.” you straighten your back, trying to look taller.

“How would you know?” comes the distorted voice through the helmet speakers.

“The same way that you don’t need to have eyes in the back of your head to know when someone is coming at you with a sword or pointing a gun at your head.”

He is silent but you can hear his breathing through the helmet - how it’s slightly accelerated.

“Din.”

“What was that?” you furrow your eyebrows, thinking that he only uttered a random sound.

“Din Djarin. That’s my name.” You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. He finally told you. It took almost a whole bloody year but he told you. He trusts you that much.

“Din and in D-i-n or Dean as in D-e-a-n?” you genuinely ask, walking over to the control table leaning your lower back against it. Din mimics your action, turning around and leaning himself against it, next to you.

“I just revealed to you a piece of information that I have never told anyone and you’re worried about the spelling.” he scoffs crossing his arms.

“I’d like to know what name will be written on my death certificate if I ever get killed because of you.”

He laughs. He actually laughs. Suddenly the heavy and tense atmosphere that was being held between the both of you dissipates as you both relax.

“You have quite the sense of humor.”

“And it only took you 7 months to find that out AND tell me your name.”

Then, silence again. But this time it isn’t uncomfortable. Not like the one there normally is. It’s as if you’ve quite literally cleaned the air. It is now comfortable to just be in his presence, nothing else. Not like it wasn’t before, don’t get me wrong, but you always needed something else, something more. But now? You were content.

“Sorry about what I said earlier, the you’re no one part.”

You smile up at him “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not, you said it yourself, I was an asshole.”

“No I shouldn’t have --” he cuts you off.

“You should. You are right. I just...” “The real reason why I dismiss you so much is because I am scared.” Now that catches you off guard.

“Scared of what? Of me? Because trust me you have fought with creatures much more --”

“No, I am scared that if I let you in, I’ll end up going the wrong way. I’m scared that if I let myself look at you when I want to or if I let myself give in to how much I want to come back to you at the end of every day that I’ll end up destroying all this discipline that I’ve insisted on myself all these years.”

Wow. You have to steady yourself with your hands with this information that just hit you right in the chest. “If I let myself give in to how much I want to come back to you at the end of every day” those words echo in your head and make your heart beat faster. Does he really feel that way about you?

But you decide with your better judgment not to push that particular point as the simple fact of him revealing the tiniest bit of his true feeling has already pushed him much farther than what he was willing to.

“I never asked you to take off your helmet.”

And little do you know that maybe you two are more similar than what meets the eye as now it’s his time to think Really? That’s the one thing she chose to answer?

“I know. And you’re the first person to not ask me that.” he says.

“Because I respect you. And I know how much it means to you, to keep your principles.”

“Is that all it is? Respect?” his heart is beating so fast and his body heat as come way up that the canvas and beskar around his body suddenly feel too itchy and warm.

You decide against your better judgment and toy with the idea.

“Why, did you expect anything else?”

“What- no no I didn’t ---” he stumbles over his own words, trying to still seem like the bigger person, but you cut him off.

“Din.”

“Hunh?” his helmet snaps in your direction and, maybe you are seeing things, but you can almost swear that you can see a pair of worried eyes through the black visor.

“I like you too.” and just like that the galaxy stopped. He almost forgot how to breathe weren’t it for your own alternated breathing that reminded him to allow that mechanism to happen again in himself. “And I’m willing to wait for whatever it is that you need to feel to be comfortable enough around me, and to let me in.”

There’s a sweet silence as you rest your warm hand on top of his leather-gloved one, your warmth passing through the fabric and he looks down at it in awe, his heart swelling like never before.

Suddenly you feel yourself being pushed in Dean’s direction from the opposite side from where he is leaning against the control board. You try to subtly resist it but the force gets too strong at once and you are plunged to his front. Thankfully he is quick enough to catch you and press you flush against his chest.

Both of your breathings are extremely accelerated and your heart is pumping in your your ears with the sudden movement. You can feel his gloved hands on the lower of your back. Then, you both slowly look to the side, to the sound of a coo only to find the kid, on the ground in front of you both, little hand outstretched.

“That little shit.” exhales Din.

You get your hand up and swiftly smack the back of his helmet.

“A little respect, that’s your son.”

TAGS

@tillytheslytherin

#din djarin #he’s trending baby #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x y/n #winchesterxxi #star wars #din djarin x reader

178 notes · View notes

yuta-nakamots · 4 years

Text

santa tell me - l.yy

Pairing - Yangyang x Reader

Genre - Fluff, Angst

Warnings - None

Summary - Growing up, your wishes to Santa were always things like a doll set, a pretty outfit, or a Nintendo gaming system. You didn’t know if he would answer to a wish that was not tangible, like wishing for a person, but it didn’t hurt to try.

Word Count - 4.2k

Taglist - @danishmiilk @dearyongs

A/N - bolded phrases are song lyrics taken from the songs listed in the prompts. special appearance by @orange-nimon-cross.

Written for the Walking In A Winter Wonderland Collab hosted by @suh-insane and @neocitybynight.

Prompts:

“Come and kiss me baby, we don’t need no mistletoe” - Ariana Grande (Wit it This Christmas)

“Santa tell me if you’re really there. Don’t make me fall in love again if he won’t be here next year.” - Ariana Grande (Santa Tell Me)

When you had first started off in university, one of your biggest worries was not being able to make new friends and fit in with them. Granted, you chose to stay home and go to one of your local schools meaning that some of your high school friends would still be with you but you also wanted to meet new people so you’re not stuck with the same idiots for the rest of your life.

Such idiots being Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno who had stuck with you all through high school. Both of them had told you that they too would be staying at home and would be going to school with you, which you were secretly extremely thankful for, though you knew they too were probably itching to make new friends.

Luckily, you three were all majoring in the STEM field so many of your classes coincided with each other. You stuck with Jaemin as biology majors on the pre-med track while Jeno majored in engineering. Somehow, Jeno, one of the most quiet and intimidating people at first glance, had managed to connect with the other freshmen, introducing you to Yangyang and Renjun, both of whom he met in his calculus class.

Yangyang was majoring in bioengineering, a quite daunting major to say the least, while Renjun was going into computer science. Much to your surprise, Yangyang was actually local. It's just that he had gone to one of your rival high schools which was why you hadn’t yet met him unlike Renjun who actually flew in from a different city.

Like this, your little friend group was complete for your first year of college. With all of you being in the STEM fields, group study sessions were a must, especially for Renjun who felt the need to be over prepared for every quiz or exam though he claimed that the rest of you were just ‘underprepared’.

“So who can tell me what the values of N(0) and N(9) are?” Renjun asked, standing in front of the whiteboard in the study room you all booked to prepare for your calculus exam the next day.

Everyone was silent as they analyzed the problem. “Oh, N(0) is 41 and N(9) is 325, right?” Yangyang answered.

“Correct, they’re simply the values given to us in the problem,” Renjun explained as he wrote the numbers on the board, “and so from here, what do we do if we want to find the unknown relative growth rate?”

“Is that the equation with all the letters and stuff?” Jaemin chimed in. “You know, the one with all the P and the t and the-”

“The exponential growth equation.” Jeno interrupted, playfully rolling his eyes at Jaemin who proceeded to throw his eraser at the former.

“Hey, we’re here to study, not for us to babysit you two,” Renjun scolded, “anyway, which values will we be plugging in?”

“9 for the t, 325 for the P(9), and 41 for P(0),” you stated, pretty much unphased by the antics of your friends, “then you divide the 325 by 41 and multiply both sides by the natural log to get rid of the e.”

“Very good-”

“Wait slow down-”

“I don’t get it-”

Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin all spoke at the same time, shooting each other looks as they fought to decide who should speak though Yangyang beat them all to it. “We’re trying to find the growth rate which is why we divide the final value by the starting value, it’s like finding the rate of change, you know?”

“God, at least I know three of us won’t fail the test,” Renjun muttered.

“Hey,” Jeno complained, “I understand it, I just need more time to write it all down, don’t be so mean.”

“Yeah okay, whatever, let’s just finish up this problem already because I’m hungry and I swear, if we don’t end before the cafeteria closes-”

“Multiply both sides by 1 over 9 to isolate the k constant and from there plug it into a calculator and solve to get the unknown relative growth rate,” you commented, your own stomach growling the tiniest bit at the mention of food.

“Oh my baby is so smart! I’m so proud of you,” Jaemin exclaimed as he reached over to try to squish your cheeks though you were quickly pulled out of his reach as someone moved your chair, “hey! Don’t take my baby away from me.”

“She’s not a baby, she’s already 18,” Yangyang reasoned.

A loud sigh came from the front of the room, effectively interrupting all conversation. “Jaemin, can you at least try to put in some effort?” Renjun whined.

“I did! Look, the k constant is equal to 0.23003 and I have everything written down here,” Jaemin defended, sliding his paper closer to Renjun who was struggling to see it from a distance.

Renjun made a noise of both content and confusion, “then why did you say that you didn’t get it?”

Jaemin shook his head, “oh no no no, I didn’t say that I didn’t get it, I was going to say that I don’t get how our y/n is so smart already. She’s going to be such a good doctor!”

“That’s your goal bro, not her’s.” Yangyang interjected.

There was a loud sound of a book shutting and everyone looked over at Jeno who was packing up his stuff. “What?” He questioned, when he noticed everyone's eyes on him. “Aren’t we going to get dinner?”

The rest of you started following suit after doing one last check that everyone was good on all of the material for the test tomorrow. “What score do you think you’ll get on the exam?” Yangyang asked as the group of you headed over to the cafeteria.

You let out a hum as you thought to yourself. “Maybe like an 85 or something around there.”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure you’ll hit at least a 90, or even a 90 exactly,” he responded with a cheeky giggle.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Because I’m the 10 that you need.”

Sure enough, you scored 90 points on the exam, prompting Yangyang to excitedly treat you for lunch that following weekend. One small date became two and eventually three which was when he asked you to be his girlfriend.

When you told the rest of the guys that the two of you were together, Jaemin let out a whoop before turning to the others, “you both owe me twenty.”

You raised an eyebrow at them, asking for an explanation. “We made a bet on when Yangyang would finally get the guts to ask you out. Turns out it was a lot faster than we thought,” Renjun explained dryly as he opened his wallet to hand Jaemin the bill.

The rest of your first year in college went by in the blink of an eye jumping from spending Christmas with Yangyang, Jeno, and Jaemin, to submitting your registrations for the next school year, then to finals to wrap up the term.

If there was one thing about freshman year that you’d keep dear to your heart, it would be the little Christmas party the four of you had at Jeno’s house. You had each brought a gift as each other’s Secret Santa, yours was a cute pair of pink socks with strawberries on them for Jaemin who you knew hated strawberries though he’d wear them anyways because they’re from you.

Supporting your predictions, Jaemin changed his socks right then and there with a smile on his face because “they’re so cute, just like my baby” causing your boyfriend, who was in fact your Secret Santa, to jokingly make a gagging sound at Jaemin’s affection towards you.

The gift Yangyang gave you was a thin bracelet with a single little sheep charm dangling off of it. “In Korean, yang means sheep so I thought it would be cute to give you something that could be a reminder of me when I’m not with you.” Now it was Jaemin and Jeno’s turns to make the sounds of disgust as you kissed Yangyang’s cheek to thank him.

So I think you should give your love to me. Baby, let me know

Sophomore year was when things started to change starting with Yangyang leaving to continue his studies in China where he was accepted into one of his dream universities. He had told you about his plans beforehand and you celebrated every milestone with him like when he first submitted his application, when he got his acceptance letter, and then a scholarship. Here you were finally, sending your boyfriend off at the airport before the beginning of fall semester.

“I love you so much, stay safe and don’t get sick,” you told him as you held him in a tight hug, not wanting to say goodbye just yet.

Yangyang laughed as he felt you trying to nuzzle into his chest. “I’ll be back sooner than you know it. Just four months and I’ll be back for the holidays.”

Even as your tears began to fall, you still smiled, not wanting his last moments with you to be sad ones. “Promise?”

“I promise.” He locked pinkies with you, sealing the deal.

It was difficult to be in a long distance relationship, especially when it seems like the time zones are working against you. When you’re awake and going about your day, Yangyang is winding down and finishing up his work, about the head to sleep. There was never a good time for you to call each other, especially as the semester progressed and your workloads only increased.

“I really miss you, you know. I miss getting to hold you in my arms and mess up your hair only to have you hit me all the time.” You paused the voice recording he had sent you a few days ago, wanting so badly for time to go by faster and for Yangyang to return home sooner.

You sent him a voice recording back. “I passed that test I was talking about last week! I didn’t really do too well but it’s okay because apparently Jeno and Jaemin didn’t do all that great either. I miss having you here to help me study and tell me that I’m doing well. How did your ochem lab go? I’m sure you aced it.”

Sending each other voice recordings was the next best thing after calling because you could still hear each other’s voice while also still doing it at a time that was comfortable for you. It was like texting but with your voice instead of typing out words. Though sometimes it left you anxious because it wasn’t like a call where the other person is responding in real time. Yangyang would often leave you on read and would take a few days to respond so you inadvertently began doing the same thing.

It wasn’t until one weekend when both of you had free time that Yangyang finally snapped during a call. “It’s like you don’t want me anymore.”

“What? No, what do you mean?” You questioned.

“You don’t respond all the time and it’s like I’m not a top priority anymore,” he rambled.

“To be fair,” you began, “you don’t respond to me all the time either-”

“Yeah because I’m busy.” Yangyang interrupted.

You let out a sigh. “I’m busy too. We’re both college students majoring in some of the hardest fields, we know how hard we have to work for our education.”

“I know but like, you can still text me back. You don’t have to send voice recordings so often if you’re really that busy-”

“No, don’t make it sound like I’m exaggerating how busy I am. You are a top priority, but you’re not my number one and that should be common sense.” You tell him, feeling your own temper starting to go.

You could practically see Yangyang rolling his eyes at you. “I’m not trying to downplay your work at all. I’m just saying that it’s not that hard to put effort into our relationship.”

“Then how about you give me something to go off of first instead of making me change for you. You barely respond to me either so I can say just the same thing for you,” you argued.

“Look, I think we need some time away from each other to clear our heads and figure this out when we aren’t being weighed down by all our other problems,” he reasoned.

You let out a laugh. “You say that as if we haven’t already been separated from each other for two months already but okay.”

“Goodnight, y/n.” You heard the line go dead. He didn’t even end with an ‘I love you’ or anything like that though you chose not to think too hard about it because he was probably just as tense as you.

When Yangyang came home in December it felt like everything was right once again. He got to be reunited with the original group along with meeting the two newest additions, Haechan and Shotaro who were both business majors and were roped in by Jeno who had a shared class with both of them.

Yangyang had gotten you a second charm, the number 10 to go on the bracelet he had bought you the year before which you still wore almost constantly. “Ten because I’m the ten you need, remember?” You nodded as you smiled up at him, glad to finally have him back in your arms.

He had to go back to school sooner than the rest of you so your time with him was short-lived and things went back to the way they used to be, except even more distant this time around. Normally Yangyang would be sure to call you back if he ever missed a call from you, but he didn’t. He’d go days without responding to you, opening your messages but never sending anything back.

But it’s hard to tell if this is just a fling or if it’s true love that he thinks of

That semester, the two of you decided to break things off after yet another fight in hopes to preserve the friendship that you had before things got any worse. It was like a breath of fresh air for a moment, getting to finally focus your energy on your work and not worry about having to respond to messages from a boyfriend who didn’t really seem like one. Only when you slowed down did things really start to hit you.

When Yangyang came back during summer, your group was torn on how to handle the situation, wanting to hang out with both of you but not wanting to make things uncomfortable knowing how rocky things were between the two of you. You ended up pulling yourself back and encouraging them to go out with Yangyang since they could see you during the school year whereas he was in a different country and it only seemed fair.

That was really the last you saw or heard of him as you chose to bury yourself in work for the next year, not wanting to let yourself fall behind in school because of your emotions. It was, by far, one of your most productive years. Not only did you take some of your grad school tests and applied for many scholarships, you also earned yourself a spot on the Dean’s list and took part in a notable marine biology study done on the effects of pollution on the local animals.

Between balancing all of your current works and goals along with things to prepare you for your potential future careers, the mere existence of Liu Yangyang slipped your mind for just that short time. It was only a year later, during the summer before your senior year, did you hear from Jaemin that Yangyang was planning to come back.

“Yeah he was asking Jeno what we’re planning on doing for housing next year and if he could join us.” Jaemin informed you as the two of you were running an experiment and working on tracking the carbon output of the little plants in front of you.

“So what did you say to him?” You asked as you placed the oxygen gauge inside the chamber of the first plant.

Jaemin paused to see if the gauge was sending data to the computer. “I told him that the six of us were looking into getting one of the campus apartments in the fall so we might not be able to accommodate him.”

“Wait, six? Aren’t there five of us?” You started listing the names of your friends in your head.

“Haechan is going off-campus and Jeno’s girlfriend is joining us,” Jaemin corrects, “so next semester it’s us, Jeno and Yunha, Renjun, and Shotaro. Six. We probably won’t have space for him unless someone backs out.” You stared at the rising and falling of the line on the computer graph, not really sure if you were happy or sad at this. “Would you have liked it if he were to join us?” He questioned after seeing your silence.

“I don’t know, it’s not that I’m ‘uncomfortable’ around him…” your voice trailed off as the computer finished collecting data and indicated for you to reset and move on to the next plant, “it’s just that we didn’t really have a clean end to our relationship, if you know what I mean.”

Jaemin nodded in understanding as you moved the gauge to the second plant. “Would you like to get back together with him if given the opportunity?”

“Well, yeah but not if we’re both as busy as we are right now.” You explained, looking over at the screen to see if the oxygen was tracking.

“Try inserting it a little further,” Jaemin instructed when you both saw that the line was running a bit low, “but anyway, you guys are both going into the medical field, there’s no escaping being busy.”

“Yeah that’s exactly wh-”

“No, listen. What I’m saying is that you don’t have to both see each other all the time. Think about it. There’s tons of people out there who don’t even understand their partner’s job but they still make it work-” He rambled

“And who’s to say you can group me in with a majority?” You interject.

Jaemin looks away from the screen to roll his eyes at you. “That’s not the point. I’m just saying that maybe you should think about giving him another chance whether he lives with us or not.”

“I mean, I’ll think about it. That doesn’t mean I will.” You decide, wanting to get back to the experiment.

Santa tell me if you’re really there. Don’t make me fall in love again if he won’t be here next year

Truthfully, you hadn’t really gotten over Yangyang, you had merely forgotten about him for a while with all the stuff you were doing, which was what you had planned to do. A part of you wanted to see if things could still work out again but the other part of you didn’t want to put yourself in that same situation again, especially now that both you and him would probably be even more busy than before.

You didn’t know if he’d be coming back for good or if he’d be leaving again to go somewhere else and you didn’t want to take the chance of falling for him only to lose him shortly after. Thankfully the other guys didn’t ask too much about it seeing as how the housing situation was already settled.

It was just your luck and misfortune that you went in to work on a research assignment on the day you did. As you walked down the hallways of the lab building, you heard that one familiar voice ringing throughout the halls from an open door. You paused in your tracks, diverting from your course through the building to see if your suspicions were true as you peeked into one of the labs.

As you looked in, you saw his back towards you while he talked animatedly with one of your colleagues about how different it was to go to a university in China. You quickly ducked away when your colleague waved in your direction, not wanting to be seen by Yangyang.

“Who was that?” He asked, his voice getting fainter as you sped away from the room. You heard your name mentioned followed by an “oh” but that was about it as you got into the elevator to head to the archives.

And I’m trying to play it cool but it’s hard to focus when I see him walking around the room

Senior year progressed just like any other year, though you were glad that you got to live with your closest friends and at least see them for meals when you were all too busy to actually hang out. If anything, it was just the slightest bit more calm since there was no longer stress about passing general classes now that you were in more specialized biology courses that were actually enjoyable.

The annual Christmas party came up much faster than you expected but now that the six of you shared an apartment, it was only that much more convenient and because it would be your last year all together, Jaemin insisted that it be an actual get-together for your friends.

He invited Haechan and some of the guys he was now living with, though they were all older too. Renjun brought over some of the other computer science grad students that he had gotten close to recently, similar to Jeno in the engineering field.

As more people showed up and you worked on keeping all of your guests entertained, you hadn’t managed to keep track of everyone who set foot into the door, trusting Renjun to not let anyone in who had no business with you guys. It wasn’t until dinner started that you saw a face you hadn’t seen in a while.

“Hey,” Yangyang began as he almost ran into you exiting the kitchen with a plate full of food in his hands.

“Hey,” you said back, startled and unsure of how to actually react.

After you had gotten your food and returned to the living room, you say that he had taken up a seat next to Jeno and Jaemin as some Christmas movie started playing and you opted to sit on the sofa next to Jeno’s girlfriend Yunha, who gladly scooted over to make room for you. “Who’s that?” She asked, nodding over to where her boyfriend was.

“That’s, uh, Yangyang. He was one of our close friends during our freshmen year but he left to study at a school in China,” you inform her, glad that she accepted the simple explanation.

You successfully avoided him for almost the rest of the night, not because you didn’t like him but because you were scared of talking to him after so long. It was nearing the end of the night when Renjun had yelled for everyone to “sit your asses down in a circle” with the present they brought for the white elephant game gift exchange game.

The apartment was filled with laughter and cheers as the game progressed and people opened the gifts they chose, finding things outrageous as a whisk or backscratcher or even a bag of clothespins. The best one was the gift Jeno, a cat lover opened, pulling out a box of dog treats.

“Aw, our big samoyed!” Jaemin cooed. “Do some tricks for us!” Jeno shot him a glare before allowing the game to continue on.

The gift you decided on keeping was a small red envelope sealed with a shiny golden sticker. When you opened it, you pulled out a postcard from Shanghai and you felt a wave of emotion hit you. You held it up to show the people around you what it was before quickly slipping it back into the envelope and placing it on the ground beneath your crossed legs.

Once everyone had opened their gifts and a few people were starting to leave, you decided to get a head start on cleaning up in the kitchen as your roommates bid everyone farewell and wished them a safe drive home.

“I think it’s kind of funny how you got my gift,” a voice said from behind as you transferred the leftover dumplings from the plate they were on into a tupperware container.

You shrugged your shoulders. “The minimum price requirement was $5 and I’m sure you couldn’t have spent more than $2 on that.”

“The envelope and the sticker made up for the other $3,” he stated, his playful attitude ever so present, “so how have you been lately?”

“Pretty good, I guess. Got accepted into grad school, finishing up my remaining courses, just normal college stuff, how about you?” You finally make eye contact with him as you have to nudge him out of the way for you to open the refrigerator. He looks nearly exactly the same as when he first left but somehow more handsome and less boyish.

“Oh, I’ve been doing just about the same I could say. I decided to stay home for this school year, though I suppose you already knew that seeing as how you were spying on me at the beginning of the semester.” He shot you a wink as you returned back to the counter to start working on another dish.

You let out a gasp, “I was not spying on you.”

“Then why did you just peek into the lab and leave before I got to see you?” He inquired.

“Because I had other things to do,” you respond quickly.

“Well what if I told you that I actually wanted to see you and was disappointed that you ran away?” He took a step closer to you.

You secured the lid on a container of fried rice. “Then I guess you’re not the only one.”

“Hm, so you really did miss me then,” Yangyang chuckles.

“Will the two of you stop talking and just kiss already?” Jaemin shouts from the hallway.

Yangyang lets out a laugh. “You heard the guy. Come here.”

You gave in to your heart as you closed the refrigerator again, turning to face him and taking only two steps until you were in his arms once again as his lips met yours.

Come and kiss me baby, we don’t need no mistletoe

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13th-hour-reverie · 3 years

Text

So I wrote a DP fan-fiction when I was like 12

It will never see the light of day again-

BUT.

I had some weirdly fun ideas, as a kid?? And I’m not even sure if they’d translate to the teen/kid-audiences of today. (But I know there will be people here to appreciate it.)

I think it was all the 90s buzz around how, “TV and your computer screen will radioactively melt your brain,” or whatever. There was this massive campaign for scare-ads that went out, to keep parents from letting their teens use electronics.

The entire plot revolved around Vlad coming back to Earth (I said I had good ideas, not that I was clever) and wanting to take over the world through the use of...an army of mildly brainwashed teen-halfas that were bribed to do his bidding. He had to hide his identity, and lived underground or in the ‘net in some way. (Better than being left to wander the solar system?)

At the time, I think I knew that kids could be given the power to do whatever they wanted, and if threatened with losing that freedom, would work pretty hard to keep it. Not to mention...how much havoc a couple super-powered teens could actually wreak.

So...if you wanted to “offer” kids world-wide a fleeting taste of power, and then use that to bribe them into doing your bidding (in exchange for being given the power again)...how do you deliver “temporary” ghost-powers to the post-pubescent masses?

Simple.

You just use some weird bullshit ghost-virus to make their chunky 1990s/2000s home computer monitors to deliver a blast of ghost-radiation right into their faces! (Ecto-Acne style, but more refined. With powers reminiscent of what we saw in the hospital episode, when everyone caught the “ghost-flu?”)

Being true to the vibe of the late 90s and early 2000s, I think I had it where this ghost would crawl smaller Geocities circles and forums for “obvious” teenagers to spam. They’d send pop-ups directly to the kid’s computer, directly mirroring all the stuff we were told at the time (Don’t put out your personal information, ever! Never click pop-ups! Never download anything!) until a kid got curious enough to click on it.

The result was a beam of green ectoplasm-laced energy to the face, and a kid waking up with a new, bleached ‘do. I barely knew how radiation worked, but in my head, “ghost essence” or whatever had a pretty short half-life. (geddit??) The kid would be allowed to roam around freely for the first few days, their powers would begin to burn out, and then they’d be back to a normal kid after about a week or two.

To get their powers back, they had to start completing weird, but initially-benign looking tasks. Things like...show up at [x] time at [y] place, or deliver a benign package to a specific person. Eventually, once they proved “trustworthy,” they would get stronger and longer blasts of this ‘virus’ to keep their powers for steadily longer periods of time, until they were finally asked to do things that involved breaking the law.

Having this network of halfas was supposed to allow Vlad to make himself known to the public again. Nobody is going to trust him, but if a tenth of the teenagers in every tech-laden city in the world were under his direct control...he may have a shot at taking over the world. And in theory, these kids could be living anywhere. (A revolutionary concept, at the time.)

Needless to say, the main character was a self-insert. But after realizing the families of these ‘influenced’ teens would need to be kept busy, I started having them all collecting in one place under the guise of a mysterious “Summer Camp.” This particular family gets stuck in a storm, lo and behold, they end up in Amity Park, Guess Who, yadda yadda yadda.

The rest was meeting the canon cast, and a handful of kids trickling through town eventually realizing ‘The Kid Who Saved The World’ lived in town. And that, in order to actually stop what was going on, he was gonna need some equally super-powered help, that wasn’t dependent on following directions received via spam e-mail. Because I always thought it was really stupid, how small and under-powered his team felt.

Mind you, if anybody is SOMEHOW magically one of the few who found/read the original one I posted to FF.net way the fuck back when, you’ll probably notice I never actually got that far in what I’d written/posted. But it was the first story I ever re-wrote, did a story skeleton for, and actually tried to “plan out” with “proper writing techniques.” So little ever actually got written/posted.

I think the “moral” in my kid-brain was actually that, if given the choice, someone given PERMANENT ghost-powers would probably not be choosing to help some evil dude take over the world. But that so many people want to feel strong, or special, or do be able to do things that are ‘amazing’...power corrupts. Especially when your powers are dependent on a megalomaniac fruit loop. (Cuz like, c’mon. We all know he’d try again.)

Someone else has probably done this, and probably did it better, but I’ve so missed the DP canon. It didn’t even hit me how outdated some of these concepts were, until I went back through my (15+ year-) old writing. Yikes. If anybody wants to use it/write it better, have at. I’d be really curious to see how this would translate to the current generation of people Danny’s age, or how it would look re-written for 2020 post-Phantom-Planet canon. (Or however else you’d re-write it!)

My early contribution to Ectober, I guess. May participate with some art this year, if I’m able.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #technically doesn't break canon in any way #but BOY can you tell I grew up in the 90s

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libsterslobsters · 4 years

Text

The Wanton Song

Summary: How do you broach the topic of sex with the 90-something super soldier you've found yourself dating? That's the reader's question. Luckily, she and Bucky are no strangers to awkward conversations...

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem!enhanced! Reader

(Reader can see bits and pieces of the future in visions and understands all languages)

Warnings: SMUT, tiny bit of angst, lotsa fluff, maybe some past dub!con if you squint

Author's note: Wow... here I am posting smut on the internet. Never thought that would happen. Tmi, but I'm married, so I have a good amount of sex 🙀 and I actually had a great first time, but some people don't, and that's what I tried to represent. That, and CONSENT!!!! Consent is sexy, y'all. Safe, sane and consensual all day every day.

As always, the reader's name isn't stated so that you can read as a self insert, but I've written so much at this point that I refer to the Reader as Violet in my own mind.

*************************************************

Life has been going swimmingly these past few months. Better than ever before in fact, or at the very least, better than in a long time. She’s still a fugitive, living life looking over her shoulder, but now she has a steady job, a steady paycheck, and oh yeah, a steady boyfriend. Those three things have never aligned for her before (especially the last one). Overall, she’s pretty happy. But, because she’s her, there’s still a question niggling at the back of her mind.

The transition from “you’re my only friend” to “we’re together now” went smoothly, helped in part by the fact that Barnes had been at that particular juncture the whole time. From the outside looking in, the only major changes have been the addition of those three simple but very key words and an upping the anti in the cuddles department.

Speaking of cuddles, that’s a very mild term for what’s going on these days. It starts out innocent enough. The usual location is on the couch at one or the other’s apartment. There hadn’t been much distance between them since that first time where they ended up talking more than watching the movie playing from her laptop, but now, the space is nonexistent. As a general rule, within the first ten minutes, her legs somehow end up over his lap or in some way intertwined with is. The intention is always to pay attention to what’s on the screen but, well, when you’re that close, it would be rude not to snuggle up. And, when the other person looks that damn kissable, it would truly be insulting not to take the plunge.

Now, considering the angle, one of them has to lean in. Otherwise, it would be awkward. That generally determines who, somewhere from two to ten minutes later, is on top of who. Of course hands wander, and even though it’s understood that the word “no” can be employed at any time and immediately obeyed (not to mention the copious amounts of “Is this okay”’s being asked), she can’t remember a time either of them have said it.

If she had to attach a term to what comes next, it would be ‘dry humping.’ And then… nothing. It always ends far too soon, leaving her flustered and with her heart racing. At first she thought it was because he simply didn’t want her, but, well, there’s certain physical signs that point to that not being the problem. Her next guess was that he’s simply being respectful. Well, as sweet as that is, she’s ready to get on with it. She’s only human after all, and as such, has needs. Sure, she could take care of them herself, but if she had to guess, he’s experiencing those needs too, and from what she’s heard, it’s more fun to take care of it together.

The only issue: how the hell do you bring something like this up, especially when the person you’re bringing it up with grew up in a much more repressed era than you did? She’s been debating it for the past week, and despite having multiple visions, none of them have given her that key insight into what to do.

Finally, she decides to just say it. They’ve made a point to be honest with each other, and it’s probably best to get it out of the way. They’re adults, after all. They can have this discussion. She’s going to come straight out with it.

“Hey, can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal, and maybe a little uncomfortable.”

“Sure, Doll.” The response is immediate. “Fire away.”

Glancing up to make sure they’re not at a pivotal scene in tonight’s movie (they have a system; at his place, watch something he grew up with, at hers, something made literally anytime after 1945), she spits out the whole sentence in one breathless go. “Are we ever going to have sex?”

It feels like a branding iron where his arm is still wrapped around her shoulder. Still, it’s comforting. At least he’s not moving away.

“I gotta admit, that’s not the question I was expecting. What brought this on?”

She shrugs, carefully keeping her eyes trained on the wall behind his head instead of on him.

“Nothing in particular. Just…” is there a delicate way to put this? “...I think things are going well between us, and sometimes when we’re together… I’ve noticed that there’s a physical response.” She’s really hoping that’ll suffice, because she can’t think of a good way to say “I can feel that you’re hard when you’re on top of me”.

“Oh.”

Apparently, her meaning is indeed clear enough, because he removes his arm from her shoulders. She’s about to apologize (all the while mentally berating herself) when his hand closes over hers.

“I’m sorry about that, Doll. I’ll try to stay calmer.” Wait, that’s not- “It’s just an issue guys have. Don’t think it means you have to do anything that you don’t want to, because I would never-”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Without thinking, she cuts him off. “And I want to.” It feels like she’s sitting in a sauna, she’s so flustered from this conversation. “But only if you do, and I understand if you didn’t-”

“No.” It’s abrupt, cutting her off. A definite answer that leaves no room for questioning. “No, I do. I just-” He clears his throat. “-I didn’t want to bring it up, in case we weren’t on the same page. “ This seems to be a recurring theme, so far. “And it’s not a must. If you change your mind-”

It’s pure instinct. There’s no thought involved as she closes the gap between them, this time with her on top, and presses her lips against his. The response is immediate and enthusiastic. She considers just going on, not putting a stop to things, but realization hits that, although overall she’s ready for this to happen, she’s not ready for it to happen tonight. There’s still things she needs to take care of. Most importantly, protection.

So, gasping for breath, she pulls away. “I’m calling for a rain check, but if after that, you still think I’ll change my mind-” she pushes back her hair and forces herself to take a deep breath. “-then you may just be beyond help, Barnes.” If the chuckle is anything to judge from, she’s made her point.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Wow. Bucky thinks to himself as he exits out of the browser tab on his phone. That’s enough internet for one day. Too much, actually. He knows that it’s the information superhighway, but good god, no one needs THAT much information. He really needs to be more specific with what he googles… or less… or just not at all.

He’d never admit it (and really, who the hell is gonna ask him anyway), but he spent the last hour looking up how to have sex. He’s engaged in the act before, yeah, but it was seventy years ago. Plus, it used to be this huge taboo thing that you suspected was going on behind closed doors, but no one (not even the married couples) owned up to it. If you were ever found out, there were severe consequences. As a man, he didn’t have to worry as much, but if whoever the woman was had her dirty laundry aired… oh boy. She’d be a pariah, a “scarlet woman”, unfit for marriage or to even give the time of day. That led to limited encounters, and, well, it just seemed smart to brush up on what information is out there. As it turns out, people have written a lot about the fine art of love making. Unfortunately for him, most of it is absolute garbage. Some of the positions he just read about (because at that point, the article was like a train wreck; he badly wanted to look away, but he couldn’t) don’t even sound possible, much less pleasurable. He’s all for society being freer, but good grief!

He’s halfway through a bottle of straight vodka (it won’t have any effect, but he’s hoping maybe the alcohol will travel to his brain and sanitize his eyeballs from most of the shit he just read) when his phone rings. Great. He’s always happy to talk to her, but right now… wow. It’s gonna take him some time to recover, so he hopes she doesn’t need him to say much.

“Hey, Doll.”

“I am so fucking pissed off right now.” That sounds promising.

“At what?”

“The city of Bucharest, my apartment, the landlord, whoever the fuck did the plumbing in this building! God!” She’s clearly out of breath, so it takes a minute before she can speak again. “I’m sorry, Buck. It’s just that I came home from work, and one of my neighbors told me the entire sixth floor is under a good inch, inch and a half of water.” Wait-

“How-”

“I don’t know. Busted pipe. It’s leaked down onto the fifth floor, so I’ve got about fifty other pissed off people for company.”

“Jesus.”

She chuckles harshly. “Yeah, we could use him right about now to perform a miracle. This is a shit show, and I haven’t even told you the best part.”

“So the spontaneous flood wasn’t the highlight of your day?”

“I fucking wish! So, naturally, I tried to call the landlord, along with basically everyone else. Get this: since it’s after five o’clock on a Friday, he’s not gonna do anything. Told us collectively to suck it up! And of course, when there’s a leak, they have to cut the power…” He’s starting to see a pattern here.

She sighs. “I really needed to get that off my chest. How are you?” Still slightly weirded out by the information overload, but feeling a little more steady now that he’s got a good catastrophe to concentrate on. However, that’s probably not the best answer to go with.

“Better than you are.”

“What, the sky isn’t falling where you are?” He chuckles.

“No, it’s right where it’s supposed to be.” Which reminds him… “But since it seems like you’re short a functional home, why don’t you just stay here until they sort things out?” He’s got a couch that, while it doesn’t have anything on an actual bed, he can manage to sleep on for the next few nights. Or maybe they can share his bed. He shakes his head. That thought needs to be put to the side, even if it’s meant in the most innocent way possible. Of course, in case she decides to cash in that rain check…

“Yes. I mean, that would be great, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” Actually, he can’t think of a better way to spend the weekend. The plan was to meet up either Saturday or Sunday, possibly both, so this isn’t that far out of the ordinary.

“Okay, but just a warning: They’re not letting us go up to our floor in case there’s been electrical damage as well-” That’s smart. If the pipes are in that bad of condition, who knows what the wiring looks like. “-so all I have is my purse, backpack, and what I wore to work. No toothbrush or pajamas, or anything like that.”

“That’s alright. All you have to bring is yourself.” He’ll have to look, but he’s pretty sure he has something in his closet that’ll work okay for her until she gets the all clear to go into her apartment. Plus, there’s a laundry mat just around the corner, not to mention a pharmacy.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem.” He glances at his bedside clock. Five thirty-four. It takes roughly half an hour to get across the city by bus, so… “I’ll see you around six fifteen?”

“See you then.”

As soon as the line goes dead, he springs into action. First thing’s first: make sure there’s no dirty clothes, old dishes, or trash laying around. That takes all of five minutes. He should probably check that he does indeed have something she can wear so they won’t have to fumble around later. Tshirts are pretty universal and… yes, he has a few pajama bottoms that have a drawstring waist. How much time does he have left? The phone screen lights up, giving him his answer. Twenty-seven minutes. More than enough time to run around the corner and pick up a few things.

His intention is to buy the basics: spare toothbrush, deodorant, hairbrush, maybe a different shampoo than his three-in-one body wash (it’s convenient for him, but she might prefer something designated for hair specifically). But, well, there’s quite a few aisles, and he gets sucked in. Does he need to buy razors, or is that rude, like he thinks she’s hairy? What about aspirin? How often do most people get headaches? He honestly can’t remember.

By the time he realizes that he really needs to get a move on, his basket is full and he has no idea what aisle he’s on. Desperately, he looks around, and his eyes land on… huh. So they just have them out in the open these days. Last time he was in the market for that, he had to beg a married friend to make the purchase for him. He briefly wonders if he’ll need to produce proof of marriage or something similar, but pushes the thought to the side. It’s the 2000s. He can probably just go up to the register and pay, and no one will give him a second look. But there’s just one problem: which brand? He should google… suddenly remembering his adventure from earlier today, he decides to just go with his gut and pick one. There. Now, he needs to pay and get the fuck out of here because there’s only ten minutes left, and he’d rather not have these out in the open, in case she thinks that’s the reason he’s asked her to stay over. If it happens, great. If not… well, he’s made it for the past seventy years. What’s a few more?

___________________________________________________________________________________

She was still pretty shaken up when she arrived at his apartment, carrying her backpack and purse, slightly damp from the drizzle of rain now covering the city. But immediately receiving a long hug, being instructed to make herself at home, and hearing the offer to take a shower so she could warm up did a lot to restore her good mood.

It was one of the sweetest thing she’s ever experienced in a lifetime where most people have showed her their worst, going into that bathroom and finding a new toothbrush, stick of deodorant, nail clippers, hairbrush, and even shampoo. That and Barnes bashfully informing her that, “I’ll stay in the living room until you’re done. Take your time.” She almost suggested that he just join her in an attempt to broach the subject they left off on two nights ago, but thought better of it. She’s just started to strip when a knock comes from the other side of the wall.

“Sorry. I just remembered that I forgot to give you a change of clothes. Can I leave them outside the door?” A smile forms on her face.

“Sure. Go ahead.” No one’s given this much thought to her comfort or boundaries before. Yet another reason she knows this is the right decision.

She doesn’t stay in the shower for long, just enough time to wash and stop shivering. After toweling off and brushing out her hair, she cracks open the door. Sure enough, a worn but clean tshirt and pair of pajama bottoms are waiting for her. The familiar scent of the laundry detergent he uses envelopes her as she dresses and, at long last, leaves the safety of the bathroom.

True to his word, he’s still sitting on the couch, thumbing through a book she gave him some months back (he’s missed so many feats of literature that have made their way into pop culture; today’s choice is The Hobbit because, while it was out before everything happened to him, he’s never read it) when she emerges. Just in case he’s so absorbed that he hasn’t heard her, she repeats his gesture from earlier and knocks softly on the wall.

“Hey. I’m out. You can have your apartment back.”

“Hey.” That smile always makes her feel slightly unsteady on her feet. “Find everything okay?”

“I did.” She settles into the place next to him. “Thank you, by the way. You didn’t have to go out and get supplies.”

“I know.” He nods, hand closing around hers. “But I wanted to make sure you had whatever you needed.”

They chat for a while about their days, discuss what they should do with the weekend ahead, even throw out ideas for dinner. The entire time, she’s trying to figure out the best way to bring up that she’d really like to finish what they started the other night. However, by the time he’s left to grab some sort of takeout, she’s still no closer to an answer.

Fortunately, their dates usually follow a pattern. Food, a movie, and then the not-so-innocent cuddles. This time, he’s on top of her when she feels the tell-tale sign that he’s as fired up as she is, so she suggests,

“Do want to maybe move to somewhere more comfortable?” His already dilated pupils grow even larger, and he nods.

“Yeah. That sounds like a plan.” She waits for him to roll off of her and head towards the bedroom before she grabs her purse and, digging around inside, grabs one of the foil packages she bought after their last date.

It’s only once she closes the door behind her, shutting them into an enclosed space with a bed (not to mention it’s pretty damn clear what both of their intentions are), that nerves get the better of her. He takes a step towards her, and she leans up to kiss him, but he ducks his head out of the way.

“You’re shaking.” His hand ghosts over her arm, making it obvious that, by comparison, she’s practically vibrating on the spot.

“Sorry.” She chuckles nervously. “It’ll pass.”

“It’s alright.” As he says it, he meets her eyes. “We can stop. Nothing has to happen.”

“I know.” She nods, swallowing hard. “But I want it to.” Their lips briefly meet before he pulls away again.

“Let me ask you, just before we get started, is this-” He stops short, eyes darting from her face to the wall and back again. “...have you… before?” Oh. “Not that it matters, not to me, I just wanted to know so that-”

“I have.” She nods, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. “Once. I was eighteen, and-” It was awful. She’d been seeing the guy for a few months and he kept whining about her not putting out, so she decided to get it over with. He went in dry without any warning, and when she asked him to stop, give her a second to adjust, he told her he couldn’t. She was bleeding and in pain for days afterwards, and to top it off, when her period was late, she thought that, even though he’d pulled out, she was pregnant. That turned out not to be the case, but it, along with the fact that she usually doesn’t stay in one place for very long, has put a damper on her ever wanting to do that again. Except for now. “-it wasn’t a great experience.”

“I’m sorry.” On instinct, she searches for the judgment in his face, the disgust. It’s nowhere to be found, only genuine sympathy. “I’ll do my best to make sure this time is better. That is, if you’re still up to it.”

“I am.” Not waiting for a reply, she wraps her arms around him and starts trailing kisses up his neck towards his ear. “I am. I trust you.” She hears his breath catch, but before she can comment, he’s hoisted her up and is carrying her in the direction of the bed.

As he sets her down, she pulls him on top of her, letting her hands wander over his sides, up his back. After a few moments, she feels his fingers move from her hips to toy with the hem of her… his.. shirt.

“Is this okay? Can I take this off?” She starts to nod, but remembers just in time that he’s so close, they’d butt heads.

“Please.” She expected to feel exposed once she was at least partially undressed, but instead she feels… adored. His eyes are roaming over her newly exposed skin, though his hands have respectfully returned to her waist. In a moment of confidence, she reaches behind her and unhooks her bra. There. Now she’s completely shirtless.

“You’re so beautiful.” The flush from her cheeks is spreading down her neck, but she still smiles.

“Care to make things even?” It’s brief, but she catches the look of hesitation.

“Sure.” Before she can offer to do it, he shrugs his shirt over his head, revealing to her, for the first time, the entirity of his metal arm. She must look for a moment too long, because with a shrug, he informs her, “I can put my shirt back on. No big deal. I know there’s some scarring…” That’s not going to fly. She needs to reassure him, make him feel as desired as he’s made her feel.

“Or if you want to stop-” She stands and, after briefly making eye contact, places a kiss on the most prominent scar.

“Don’t you dare think that way for a second.” They’re flush against each other, chest to bare chest. “Not for one.” Slowly, she slides her hands from his shoulders down to his waist, hesitating just over the button. “Is this okay?” Another shakey breath.

“Yes.”

Going forward, it’s much less awkward. The rest of their clothing is shed, and soon they’re back to their previous position; on the bed, with him on top of her. She feels his fingertips brush the inside of her thigh and gasps.

“May I touch you?” She nods.

“You’d better.”

It’s gentle, more of him feeling her out than anything else. Still, she can’t help but think this is infinitely better already than last time around. Suddenly, he pulls his hand away, and it takes all her effort not to whine at the loss of contact. Before she can ask if something’s wrong, does he want to stop, he’s flat on his stomach, head between her legs.

“Tell me if you need me to stop.”

“What-” Her breath catches as it becomes infinitely clear what he’s doing.

Again, she’s expecting pain when, after several minutes he eases a finger into her, but at this point, she’s so wet that there’s absolutely no difficulty.

“Are you okay?” She nods.

“Don’t stop.”

The process is agonizingly slow, he’s so intent on his task. When, finally, he pulls away, she’s so close that she can almost taste it.

“Do you still want to-”

“If you don’t stop asking me that, I’m gonna slap you.” It’s a joke, and she thinks he knows it, but just to be sure, she siezes his hand (the metal one, which is usually cold but has now warmed from being held close against her body. “I’m ready, so long as you want this too.”

“I do. You wouldn’t believe how much.” Yeah, she thinks she would. “Just give me a second.” Perfect timing. He rolls off of her, which gives her the opening she needs to grab the packet she managed to hide under the pillow while he was… otherwise distracted. When he returns from digging inside the wardrobe, she holds it up, only to realize-

“Oh.” He’s got one as well. “Seems like we both came prepared.”

He chuckles. “Just in case, although that wasn’t why I asked you to stay.”

“I know.” She nods and pats the space next to her. “Not why I said yes either, although I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

He returns to the bed and drops his packet onto the nightstand. “Save this one for later?”

“Definitely.”

There is a bit of discomfort once he starts to push inside her, but it’s not painful. Just… overwhelming. Slightly embarassed she asks,

“Can you wait a second? Please?”

“Of course. Are you alright?” She shifts her hips slightly, making them both groan.

“Fine. You can move now.”

She may have only done this once before, and she has no idea what his experience consists of, but as she hits her peak mere seconds before he does, gently coaxed over the edge, she can’t help but think some things are better the second time around.

“I love you.” It’s whispered against her neck as, once she cleans up and returns to bed, she settles herself against him.

“I love you too.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

The first thing he thinks when he realizes that he’s not alone in bed is that HYDRA’s found him. He’s being activated. His eyes shoot open although apart from that he doesn’t move a muscle, and that’s when he recognizes the person next to him. It’s her. She’s here.

The events of last night come back to him all at once, and he feels a smile forming on his face. It’s been a while, and in any case, it would be wrong to run a comparison, but what they shared, the pure intimacy of it both physically and mentally was incredible. Maybe he should feel a sense of shame. That’s what he was taught growing up. But instead he feels… peaceful.

That is, until her eyelids flutter and she rolls over, shifting the covers so that he gets a good view of her still naked body, and with it, the bruises on her thighs and hips. Bruises unmistakably left by his fingers. Dammit. He’s done the last thing he ever wanted to do: he’s hurt her.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” She yawns, the teasing words muffled. “It seems like we overslept.”

His mouth goes dry, and all he can manage to choke out is a simple, “Yeah.”

She frowns, sitting up slightly, and lets out a small groan. “You alright there, Bucky? You look a little off.” The late morning light only serves to highlight more marks he’s left, this time on her shoulders, neck, and breasts. Stubble burn. Hickeys. Why the hell was he so rough? At the time, he thought he was being gentle, but obviously he’s just as much of a monster as Bucky Barnes as he is once the Winter Soldier takes over.

She’s still staring at him, brow furrowing in concern.

“Fine.” He clears his throat and begins to sit up. “Stay here. I’ll make you a cup of tea, maybe some oatmeal.”

“Alright. Don’t be gone too long.”

Her words follow him out of the room, and into the kitchen. Fuck. He should’ve known better.

Maybe once upon a time, he was a decent man, one who could be with a woman like her and not do her a disservice. But now, it’s clear that he falls short in every way. In an act that was supposed to be pure pleasure, a way of communicating how much they mean to each other, he’s hurt her.

“I trust you.” The words from last night ring in his ears. He shouldn’t have let her. It’s pretty damn obvious that, even at the best of times, he can’t be trusted.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Even with his enhanced senses, he still jumps in surprise as the unexpected words come from behind him. He turns around slowly, not wanting to startle her. She’s standing there, clad in only one of his shirts, arms crossed over her chest (now bearing his marks), staring him down.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head.

“Bullshit. I had a vision of you staring off into space, and here you are, jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” At another time, her choice in phrases would make him chuckle, but right now, he can’t muster it.

“Last night-” Her eyes widen, but she stays silent. “I hurt you.”

“No, you didn’t. Not at all.”

“I did.”

She frowns. “Bucky, I think I’d know if you’d hurt me, and I’m telling you, I’m fine.”

“Doll, look at yourself!” He reaches out to take her arm, but immediately freezes. “Go in the bathroom and take off your shirt. Take a good look in the mirror and then tell me I didn’t hurt you.”

“Alright.” Her jaw clenches, and she marches off in the direction of the bathroom. A deep sickness gnaws at the pit of his stomach and, completely worn out, he sinks into a kitchen chair.

Not thirty seconds pass before she walks back into the room, this time completely undressed.

“Tell me you’re not talking about a few love bites.”

“And bruises! You may not have noticed, but they’re in the exact shape of my fingertips.”

“Oh my god!” She shakes her head. “It’s a sex injury. A minor one at that! If you didn’t heal so damn fast, you’d probably have nail marks all over your back!”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“How is it not the same thing?”

“I’m a monster! And you’re not.”

She takes a determined step towards him, and he leans as far back as the chair will allow.

“Bucky, you are not a monster, and I am not afraid of you.”

“Then you’re stupid.” He hates himself for his sharp words, but she needs to take this seriously. Underestimating how dark, how evil he can be, is a mistake. A deadly one.

“Hey!”

“Don’t you get it?” Without any input from his brain, he stands. “They could find me, and with a few words, I could stare you dead in the eyes as I murdered you! If you were my mission, I wouldn’t even hesitate, and you’d be dead before your body hit the floor!” Her mouth falls open, but she immediately closes it again. “This isn’t something that can be worked through with some patience and a positive attitude! I could kill you!”

“So could a million other things!” Her voice rises in volume, and before he can contain it-

“But they’re not in the bed sleeping next to you!” He’s shouting at her. God. Everyone is right. He’s beyond saving.

A few tense seconds pass before she looks up at him, a steely look in her eyes.

“Look, I get it. I know what you could do to me.” As she speaks, she pulls out a chair and sits. “But I could also get run over when I cross the road, or the room could fill with carbon monoxide while I sleep. I could have an aneurysm and drop before anyone knows what’s happening.”

He opens his mouth to tell her the likelihood of any of those things happening is far lower than the chance that he’ll hurt her, this time in a major way, but she holds up a hand, silencing him.

“I’m gonna be cautious, but I’m also not going to live my life in fear that the ceiling is going to collapse or nuclear war is going to strike, or that someone is gonna turn up and say the magic words that make you go cuckoo for cocoa puffs-” What? “-and I just realized you’re too old for that reference.”

“That’s another thing-” He’s about to remind her exactly how big their age gap is, that although he’s physically close to her age, chronologically, he’s closer to the age of her great grandfather, but she lets out a sudden groan of frustration, and that makes him bite his tongue.

“Oh, fuck off, Barnes! If you’re about to start in on how you’re too old for me, then I’m not gonna wait for you to go full Winter Soldier before I kick your ass!” Out of all things, that’s what snaps him out of it, makes him feel like maybe, just maybe, there’s still a chance they can make the best of things.

Smirking, he asks her,

“You think you could kick my ass? Really?” It must be the breaking point for her too, because she snickers.

“Of course. It’s the little bitches you have to watch out for.” That’s it, he’s laughing, nearly doubled over, and from the looks of things, she’s in much the same state.

“You’re something else, you know that?” He asks between stilted breaths.

“I think we both fit in that category, Pal.” Her smile fades, but only slightly. “Bucky, if you really want me to go, if that’s what’ll give you peace, then I’ll do it, but I meant what I said. I trust you.” Never. He’ll never want her to go, he’s sure of it. Well then, that only leaves one option.

“I know what we’re doing today.” It’s an abrupt segue, but it’s the only thing he could come up with on short notice.

“And what’s that?” The microwave dings, reminding him that he needs to stir the oatmeal, and he pushes past her.

“Sit down and have your tea. You’re going to need all your energy if I’m gonna show you how to use a gun.” If she’s staying, then at least he can teach her how to defend herself beyond the basics she already knows.

“So I guess this means you’re keeping me around for a little while longer?” It’s spoken like a joke, but he turns to her, meeting her eyes to drive the point home.

“Yeah, Doll. As long as you want me."

#marvel #captain america #the winter soldier #bucky fanfic #fanfiction #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #pre civil war

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awed-frog · 3 years

Note

Do you think maybe banning that stuff from AO3 could be a good thing?

I don’t know. I don’t like censorship, and I think it’s very hard to know which stuff one should censor in the first place. I do wish some people would not share what they share, that’s for sure. I think maybe there should be a system that recognizes how long you’ve had a page open - sometimes people will open a fic with weird tags in a kind of Dead Dove moment then close it, but the result is that some truly upsetting works have a very high number of hits, which pushes them at the top of any search. And I also think that stuff that’s just porn shouldn’t be in the same place as other stuff. I know the distinction is problematic, but again - writers should be more honest about what they’re writing. A lot of things you find on AO3 are one-chapter PWPs or ‘one kink per chapter’ fics, and imo those don’t belong in the same category as a long fic with two explicit sex scenes in it. And also: maybe some tags should show up only if you’re specifically looking for them. Like, if a fic is tagged ‘castration’, then it only shows up in your search if you’re typing in “enemies-to-lovers, castration” so that if you type “enemies-to-lovers” you don’t get pretty weird porn you never asked for.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but I think people often underestimate the damages porn can do, and while movies are worse for lots of reasons (chief among them, the presence of real human performers who’re often abused on screen, or whose work is shown and sold without their permission), fiction is not great either. It can still normalize stuff that shouldn’t be normalized, and desensitize us to stuff we should find unusual, unacceptable or shocking.

And while fanfiction is not the whole problem here (published books are doing what they can to close the gap), I think it is still part of the problem.

(Anyway: I say porn, but there is a lot of other stuff that’s harder to catch but a lot more dangerous - mostly the way some ‘romances’ are written.)

Most of all, I wish that people would stop spreading these ideas:

1) It’s okay because it’s not real. Yeah, no. Fiction matters, it shapes how we see the world and how we respond to it. Obviously this is more complicated than *sees Se7en, becomes serial killer*, but fiction is central in our life as humans and that should not be taken lightly.

2) It’s okay because trauma. As far as I know, there is zero research into who writes and reads the most extreme stuff out there, and even if those were all trauma survivors working through their stuff and not, say, people who get off on child porn or whatever else, there is still no reason to put that stuff out there.

3) It’s okay because Nabokov. A sex scene in a book (or long fic) is very different from a PWP, or a story built around porn. I’m not a prude, and I don’t think all porn is necessarily bad, but comparing some of the filth that’s out there to the Decameron is a bit much.

4) It’s okay because libraries. This is what irritates me the most. Libraries don’t keep everything, and they don’t keep everything for a reason. If you ask for white supremacy propaganda, for instance, you’re likely not to find anything unless it’s a university library, in which case it will be a heavily annotated edition and not simply a random ‘Jews are bad’ pamphlet. And another thing: a librarian won’t say, ‘Since you enjoyed If This Is A Man, try Mein Kampf.’ People recognize the two works are different even if they can both be tagged as ‘history, memoir, WW2, holocaust’. AO3 doesn’t do this (and as far as I understand it, it’s a deliberate choice). If you enjoy Coffeeshop AUs, it will happily offer you a fic that’s 90% about bestiality set in a Starbucks. And I know the argument - readers should search better - but the thing is, 1) I won’t necessarily know what I don’t want to read and 2) some stuff is just tagged the same when it comes to the main tags, but obviously it doesn’t mean the two stories are similar in any way.

5) It’s okay because free speech. Well: free speech has limits. We regulate some of it, as there are laws against hate speech, genocide deniers, Neo-Nazis, threats, bullying, harassment, and a lot of other things. So free speech doesn’t mean you get to regurgitate whatever bs into the world.

6) Children are old enough to protect themselves. Literally no, they are not. Any sane person should recognize a child is not an adult and that there are certain choices about his life he shouldn’t get to make (for instance, you wouldn’t allow a child of 12 to join the army no matter how much he begged you). Now the internet has become a central tool for education and lots of stuff of everyday life, it’s absurd that we ask children to do the right thing and that’s it. I mean, you wouldn’t have a bakery near a school sell meth by the croissants and then be like ‘It’s labelled as meth! I asked this kid if he truly wanted it and he said yes, it’s not my job as a random adult to decide stuff for him!’. Like - what the fuck? In a way, yes, it is your job. Children are raised by the entire community. We should do what we can to make sure they have more good choices than bad, and in my opinion that includes not having stuff that’s objectively awful freely available and sitting right next the cuddly and fluffy stuff.

(A stupid example from real life: this school I taught at had a convenience store next to it, and some kids would sneak in there during breaks to buy energy drinks. While that’s legal, and it was also allowed for them to leave the school grounds, energy drinks still have a lot of caffeine and are not healthy for 13-yo kids. After this happened regularly with the same kids for about a month, the owner refused to sell them anymore of the stuff and went to talk to the teachers instead. The school started a whole project - on the one hand, they had kids doing science experiments and learning why energy drinks are bad, and on the other, they offered support and free breakfast to anyone who needed it - and specifically to those who normally skipped a meal because their families had to leave for work very early - and the gorging on energy drinks and chips at 10am stopped.)

I don’t know. I’m very conflicted about this. I wrote fanfiction and though my style is pretty consistent, I know my own stuff has issues. There are days I reconsider even having it out there, tbh, especially when I got yelled out for forgetting to tag something or I see a particularly callously libertarian pro-AO3 post, but rn I don’t have the time or energy to make a decision about that.

I just wish we would all think of each other a bit more, that’s all.

#ask #discourse #untagged #i already know people don't agree #so i'm not looking to start arguments

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j0hn-deacons-perm · 4 years

Text

I’ve been reading Is This the Real Life: the Untold Story of Queen and some things in this...

-Brian and Roger got into it after a show one time and Roger just went in with hairspray in Bri’s face

-Freddie met with a group of people in tight satin pants and couldn’t sit down so he looked around and tried to not attract attention to himself while undoing them

-Freddie was also so exhausted during their US tour at one point he just completely passed out, face in his breakfast

-Roger chose the shirt Fred wanted to wear for their first Rainbow show so he stormed off during soundcheck and brian begged for him to come back

-Also during their first US tour, Brian got himself a love affair in New Orleans and had to be rushed back to the UK after waking up in New York with full blown hepatitis due to a vaccine he received earlier in the year.. Freddie got herpes apparently? Icons.

-Freddie kept up with visiting Brian in the hospital while they worked on Sheer Heart Attack since homeboy had an operation after he was cleared for his hepatitis bed rest then had an ulcer shortly after.

-Roger didn’t like his hair in the cover photo for Sheer Heart Attack so they added extensions in the final photo.

-Years after them leaving Trident, John was met with a former employee who recognized him at an airport and just completely shut him down. We love a king who knows his worth.

Edit #1 since I’ve read a bit more...

-Brian would somewhat irritate the person making coffee and tea. “...and then I’d ask Brian what he wanted. Then there’d be this pause and then he’d ask ‘How many teas are you making? How many coffees?...Two?...Three? Is it easier for you to make another coffee or another tea?’ You could spend 10 minutes just doing this. He was trying to make it easier for me, but in the end I’d be like, ‘Brian! Just tell me what you want!’”

-Bri thought Death on Two Legs was too mean and felt bad singing it.

-Freddie shutting down homophobes in the audience by shining the spot light on them and asking them to repeat what they said.

-Freddie didn’t believe the gold disc for a Night at the Opera was the album so he broke it open to play it and it was indeed their album. He was suspicious of EMI after everything at Trident which, I mean, valid.

-Mary out here recognizing her and Fred’s relationship was crumbling, accepted it and hugged him when he came out. We love a good support system.

-When in Australia, they had to go on foot to their venue due to a festival taking place. No cars could pass. But Freddie being extra, he was driven through in a limo while drinking champagne.

Edit #2

-Fred was being driven to the studio and they crashed so he went to a nearby house to use their phone...in a silk kimono with Queen written on the back...almost dressed in full stage attire. They let him in, made him tea and chatted.

-During their show at Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto, Brian’s amp exploded and he ran over to tell Freddie but it was in his mic pretty much so everyone heard him panicing. Fred waved Bri away saying “Oh, just jump around a bit and the silly bastards won’t know the difference!”

-If Fred walked somewhere, a car would follow him with the door open in case he got tired. This boy is so extra I swear to god....

-I ALMOST FORGOT!! They had clocks as promo items for News of the World and they sounded kind of fancy so I looked it up and.....

Bitch...I low-key want one.

Edit #3

-That feeling when Roger could not confirm but didn’t doubt there being dwarves with cocaine at the Jazz debut party.

-In Munich recording the Game, the boys would split off to do their own thing after recording for the day. Freddie would explore the gay club scene while the others got drinks, dinner and a club then would meet back up with Freddie at the hotel. Taylor’s suite (not sure if it’s Roger or Crystal tbh) was the HH....the hetero hangout and Freddie’s was the PPP...the Presidential Pouff Parlour.

-John was nicknamed Ostrich because ‘He’s was like a bird who stays quiet until it finally lays a perfect egg.’ Kinda wish there was more about John in this book tbh

-the author really out here typing Deakey....unbelievable. Either Deacy or Deaky, binch. Come on.

-According to Crystal, Roger had his drum case be a close up of his face in case he had amnesia and needed to know what he looked like but we all know the truth, Rog 👀

-During a late night drinking sesh, one of the crew put on the Flash Gordon soundtrack and John, shit faced, asked who it was.

Edit #4

-Apprently Cool Cat was the first song written for/on Hot Space and Brian wasn’t a huge fan of it or Back Chat because it wasn’t heavy enough. Adding onto that, Staying Power and Body Language were thought to be too gay and Bri wanted things to be for everyone of different persuasions. Brian....let the gays have something.

-With the Works and Hot Space being my top two Queen albums...I was disappointed how much was just blown over with the recording process tbh.

-Paul Prenter was a massive cunt but everyone knows that.

-John was busted after a Phil Collins concert because he was drunk driving. He was driving his new Porsche but then got his license suspended for a year. Brian was a guest DJ for a radio show where he played Stevie Wonder’s Don’t Drive Drunk and dedicated the song to “John, whom some of you may know has had a little problem with his car recently.’

-Freddie’s pick up line for Jim was ‘how big is your dick’....I mean, in a way, it worked??? Iconic.

-Roger owned up to having their sound guy set false sound limits for the groups before them during Live Aid so when Queen went on, they were the loudest.

Edit #5, the last one since I finished the book

-Paul Prenter should have had someone kick him in the shins tbh fuck that guy

-Brian met Anita through a Eastenders event and he was gushing about how much he loved the show since Chrissie had him watch it then invited her to Wembley which she turned him down.

-Also fast forward to the later half of the 90′s, Anita helped Brian get into therapy for his depression and other emotional matters. We love a supportive queen.

-When the book finally talks more about John and it’s him saying the We Will Rock You musical sucked and he having an affair with a 25 year old erotic dancer like come on my dude....why couldn’t I be her??? But for real, I looked into it and found an article and wowza. When sd!Deaky be an actual thing????

-The press’ harassment of Freddie and his inner circle during his last years is absolutely horrendous to read about tbh. I think it was Roger (feel free to correct me on that if I’m wrong) who crashed his car because the camera flashes temporarily blinded him when he was trying to visit Freddie.

-Also Freddie was able to see the Bohemian Rhapsody clip from Wanye’s World since Mike Myers sent him a tape. Bri and Fred watched it and according to Brian, Freddie loved it and sent his seal of approval.

There’s the things I found interesting reading this biography. If you’ve read it or have any other fun facts, add them on my dudes!

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #john deacon #freddie mercury #brian may #damn this post got a bit long huh

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sadachmesarthim · 3 years

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peter learns to shut the fuck up challenge

oh my god hi okay i’m (kind of) freshly back to tumblr and haven’t written content like this in over half a decade please be nice to me i am a broken 21 year old who can’t take criticism for shit

marvel cinematic universe: peter!centric, eventually starker

content: graphic depictions of violence, extremis!flash, selective mutism, brief talks of dying but it’s not that bad tbh, slightly aged up peter (he’s 18), use of slurs and derogatory terms, both in reference to self and someone else

summary: peter’s taken enough shit in his life. he lost his parents, he lost ben, he’s dealt with the number of shitty men may brought home - flash was like the cherry on top of the shit sundae. after a particularly bad day of taunting, peter is fed up, and decides to teach flash a lesson - but our baby boy is in for a big surprise when he discovers he isn’t the only freak kid at midtown tech.

............................................................................................................................

Peter'd been categorized as a loudmouth for years - by May, his friends at school, the Avengers he fought (and fought beside) in Berlin.

Never able to stop his nervous ramblings, his mouth tended to run away with him. He somehow never developed a filter, often getting himself into quite a bit of trouble. Usually his pretty face and quick thinking kept him from any real repercussions.

But there was one such instance he... couldn’t exactly get out of.

He'd been struggling with Flash's bullying for years. He'd called Peter names, hurled slurs, spat out indecencies - normally, Peter could take it. But after the bite... they all landed so much harder.

Peter didn't understand it - spiders didn't have emotions, did they?? Even if they did, that doesn't explain why he's so sensitive. If anything, you'd think the bite would make him aggressive, or argumentative, or angry - spiders were predators, not pussies. What was his problem?

He'd finally had enough one day at the end of his senior year. Flash was being particularly snide - excitement from graduation pushing his normal antics into overdrive.

"Oh come on, Penis. You gonna fight back one of these days or are you just gonna keep hanging your sad faggot head around town?" Flash followed him out of the school building, laughing at his own "joke".

What he wasn't prepared for was an actual answer to his question.

"Yeah, actually. I will."

Peter turned around, grabbing Flash by the straps of his backpack. He glanced around, checking for spectators, before shoving his bully into a secluded alley just ahead of them.

Flash, surprised (but not entirely put off), worked himself free of the backpack and slid behind the smaller boy. Sure, Peter was enhanced, but Flash still had a good head on him height wise.

"Finally decide to manhandle me back, huh Parker? That's so cute." Flash smirked, looking him up and down as he crowded Peter into the corner. "If you're feeling so big and brave, go ahead."

Peter looked up, confusion warping his soft features. Flash... wanted Peter to hit him? Why?

Before he could actually ask, he found himself collapsing on the ground, gasping for air. Flash drew his fist back, shaking off the punch he'd just thrown into Peter's side. He snatched his bag off the ground, tossing it away from Peter & beside a nearby dumpster.

"Christ, you look so pathetic down there! I almost forgot how small you were for a second," he laughed, taking a second to gloat. "Come on, Parker. What happened to finally fighting back?"

Peter'd always been a bit overzealous - I mean, c’mon, the kid grew up listening to stories about Steve Rogers for fucks sake, how could he not develop an underdog complex? He'd spent his childhood defending his family name, his teens protecting May from overzealous asshole boyfriends, and the most recent few watching over all of Queens.

So yeah, of course Peter was going to take this opportunity to kick some ass if he could.

He struggled to his feet and stumbled forward, regaining his balance and breath as he met Flash's eyes. The tiny success was short lived, though, as he felt himself flying backward and up into the brick wall behind him. What the actual fuck?

Peter's senses never failed him - and yet, they just had, twice in the last five minutes! What the fuck? How was Flash able to hit him without warning? How was Flash able to throw him?

The confusion must've been all over his face - Flash laughed as Peter crumpled & didn't attempt to get up again. He crowded into Peter's space, getting close to the little spider's ear.

"You really think you're the only special one in Queens, don't you Penis? You think you're the only one that can break a grown man in half?" Peter groaned, wincing at the pain behind his eyes. "Newsflash, freak. You're not special, you're not important, and you're not leaving this alley alive."

It was then, as Peter glanced back up, that Flash's eyes were glowing a sick green-grey unlike anything he'd ever seem. The senses that'd previously failed him so tragically now did a full 180, sending a wave of cortisol through his system. The need to runclimbswingescapego washed over him, the spider inside completely overriding the human.

As if he'd read Peter's mind, Flash quickly grabbed him by the throat, cutting off both his airway and any potential escape route. He squeezed hard, dragging Peter up the wall until they could look each other in the eye. He crowded closer, setting Peter's skin on fire in the worst way possible.

Peter was choking, clawing at the hand on his throat and trying to kick the monster in front of him away. Flash, annoyed, tightened his grip until Peter's hands dropped and his face turned purple.

Flash chuckled, dropping a now barely conscious Peter into a puddle on the rocky ground. He opted to trade his hands for the steel toed boots he'd so carefully laced up that morning, lips curling as the idea took shape in his head.

The first kicks landed on Peter's stomach, forcing air and blood from his mouth. The next were more stomps than anything, not aimed with any thought or finesse. Each landed heavier than the first, quickly pushing Peter toward a complete blackout. The spider was still screaming, but Peter couldn't do jack shit about it.

He lay back, resigned to his fate. I'm going to die here, he thought, desperately wishing he'd just kept his fucking mouth shut. A little bit of bullying was so much better than dying a week before graduation.

But, somehow, he didn't. Sure, Flash beat him all to shit - May had the hospital bill and the new grey hairs to prove it. But Peter lived.

It took Flash a while to get it all out of his system. The more pain he inflicted, the brighter his eyes got, slowly taking over any illusion of empathy his once brown irises had. He did, eventually, tire, and grow bored of kicking the same stunned spider. When he’d had his fill, he reached down for his backpack, hooking it onto his shoulder and smiling to himself.

Before leaving, though, he turned back to Peter, crouching down and settling mere inches from his face.

“Looks like I got Peter Parker to finally shut the fuck up.” Flash looked down at him as he rose, spitting on Peter’s face as a last hurrah before ditching him and the alley completely.

Peter crawled his way out of the alley after Flash left, blood soaking his shirt and face so swollen he was nearly unrecognizable. He dragged himself to the nearest shop, the kind (and very distraught) owner calling an ambulance the second she'd seen him.

............................................................................................................................

6 weeks later he was back to 100%, diploma in hand, ready to get the fuck out of Queens and up to Cambridge. He'd spent enough time being coddled, people hovering over him and tending to wounds he knew would take care of themselves. These took significantly longer, the extent of the damage worse than anyone thought - but he still healed, and was ready to stretch all eight of his metaphorical legs and get back to school.

The only problem? He couldn't speak.

Okay okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic - his vocal cords and tongue and everything still worked perfectly fine. But every time Peter opened his mouth, words failed him.

It was like Flash's hand was back around his throat, forcing air out of him and the words back inside. How the fuck was he supposed to go to school if he was effectively mute? Peter’d learned Italian in school, not ASL (a choice he was quickly regretting), but even if he had, he wasn't sure his hands would be willing to speak for him either. All forms of effective communication were stolen from him.

He had less than a month before he was supposed to be in the MIT dorms and starting class. 90% of his prereqs required group discussion and verbal participation, so Peter was well and truly fucked if he couldn't figure this out.

Besides, what superhero couldn't talk? How lame was that? Half of his whole schtick was sassy one-liners. At this point, Spiderman was becoming synonymous with snark!

His first night back in May's apartment, he cried himself to sleep thinking about it. This sudden feeling - all grief and loss and shattered expectations he didn't even know he had... his whole world was suddenly gone, and he didn't know what the fuck to do.

The worst part?

He didn't even have the words to ask for help.

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redantsunderneath · 4 years

Text

DC COMICS: Incoherence as Not-a-Bug-but-a-Feature (Spoilers for Batman 89-100)

Due to the emergence of the new Batman villain character Punchline, I wound up buying the last 12 issues of Batman and reading them in a single sitting. I’ve had trouble following DC comics for a while, constantly feeling that they were in trouble since back in the mid 2000s (with a glimmer of hope here and there). The act of reading DC comics has been a frustrating experience, where individual good stories and runs were laying around in the context of a lot of things that didn’t make sense while the company’s thrust felt chaotic and ideas not well blended. Every status quo change seemed hard to figure out the rules of enough to parse the context. We’ll get into the background of this, but my reading today of this extended stretch of comics that keeps losing the plot in favor of a fever dream of what’s happening at the moment with specific characters that refuse to cohere, it became obvious that what I had been looking at as subtext or critique was actually the text. I could see the messed up trees but was missing the the forest the universe was trying to describe.

What happens in these issues (Batman current series 89-100, I missed the beginning of the first of 2 arcs) is rolling war between the major Batman villains and the heroes (plus Harley Quinn and Catwoman), which shifts into a Joker and Joker adjacent vs. all as the Joker double crosses everyone then manages to steal Bruce Wayne’s fortune. We meet 3 new baddies – Underbroker, whose schtick is putting ill-gotten gains beyond the reach of the legal system (with an explicit line to rich globalists drawn), the Designer, who back in the day offered the four A list Batman villains plans to achieve what they most wanted, and Punchline, who is your toxic ex’s new millennial GF who really has it in for you (there is also a new good guy Clownhunter, which is a whole different thing, and a new costumed detective that predates Batman). This doesn’t convey the chaotic nature of what is happening issue to issue, but there’s more than one Batman hallucinogenic spirit quest, dead characters ostensibly walking around, a plan revolving around the Bat’s origin story that tells some version of it several times, and a no-nonsense declaration that the Joker, as the Devil of the Batman spiritual system, cannot die. The whole thing has the effect of convincing you there is no definitive sequence of events, only versions.

Alan Moore’s Killing Joke is not a favorite of mine, for a number of reasons. But the ending holds up. The Joker has done terrible things there is no antecedent for, and Batman wonders aloud if this never-ending dance they do ends in anything but both of their deaths; can they uncouple from the unhealthy duality the cycle of which simply repeats. The Joker responds, well, with a joke about two lunatics trying to escape an asylum. One jumps the roof to the next building, while the other is too scared to try. The escapee offers to hold a light while the other crosses on a beam but he says no, no you’ll just cut the light while I’m half way across. This not very funny joke nonetheless has a bunch of resonances – BM and Joker as conspiring co inmates, BM wanting to break out, a commentary about their natures (almost a reversal of the frog and scorpion story where the scorpion won’t go because he knows how this ends), but mostly it implicates BM as the one who is enabling the cycle, the reason why it won’t end. They both laugh uproariously, and the ambiguous final panels can be read as the fundamental realization of his complicity causing BM to kill J. A lethal joke indeed… except, next month, we see the both of them again. In broader context, the ceaseless cycle of the diad is reaffirmed. This has been hellaciously sticky as an idea in the Batmen universe.

My realization of what DC has been doing is pretty banal in its pieces. Marvel has “ground level” heroes while DC has a mythos, a pantheon. Their archetypal makeup is strong, the seven JLA members lining up with the pantheon of Greek gods and the Chakras weirdly closely. DC has big characters that are somewhat flat which they can use tell big bold individual stories that are cool the way legends and fables are cool. But these stories require bold strokes that a bit incompatible with each other. People get attached to these iterations. Meanwhile, Marvel trucks in soap operas where the characters give you an empathetic stand in and are narratively flexible. Marvel events are usually about the writer vs. the company, asking you to sympathize or deconstruct the creative impulse amid efforts to impose control or order. DC’s events are about editorial vs. the audience, the shapers vs. the forces of the world. It may seem obvious, given this description, that DC’s focus is on an archetypal tableau though it may be less obvious that this tableau is under extreme pressure from expectations when trying to tell ongoing tales month in, month out (or semi-monthly in some cases). The stories are constantly compared against the big stories that have gone before, and the audience’s ideas of the characters exert pressure to push them in directions that capture “the” version they believe in. This circle is not possible to square.

DC and Marvel both have a multiverse of sorts. DC used to tell “Elseworlds” stories which were later tucked into pocket universes. DC invented crossing over between “realities.” DC’s continuity is heavy baggage and they began to have “Crises” to resolve the narrative incompatibilities. These only made things worse as you can’t get rid of the past people have a relationship with – it will come back. Now you have to explain that away too. Marvel just lets it lay – forget about the iffy stories, they count, sure, just no one is ever going to talk about them unless they have an angle. Marvel continuity is all angles and amnesia. This is just easier to do with dating and rent and your ancient aunt’s medical bills than with Gods. Marvel’s multiverse is about sandboxes that you can always dump into the mainframe if they work (and never really mention the sandbox again).

There is a shift that occurred in the industry in the 2004 to 2005 era that is less remarked upon than many upheavals in comic’s history. Marvel had gone through a period of incredible new idea generation in the early 2000s after a late 90s creative cratering but had just fired the pro wrestling inflected soul of that moment (Bill Jemas). DC was coming off of a period of trying to do moderately updated versions of what they basically been doing all along. The attitude was “yeah we’re under stress from the combined history of these characters, but we got to keep telling the stories.” Geoff Johns was one voice of DC over the 99-04 period that showed potential - he seemed to get how to find the core of characters and push them into a new in sync directions if they over the years have lost a clear identity. But mostly he had internalized a basic schism between something mean that the audience wanted, and something good and wholesome about the characters themselves, and figured out how to mess around with this in a equilibrating fashion.

Interestingly, the ignition point of the main forces that were going to blow DC over the next decade and a half was a comic that had virtually nothing to do with any of those main forces. Brad Meltzer, a novelist, was hired to do a comic called Infinity Crisis, which sold extremely well and was, justifiably or not, recognized as an event. At the same time, everyone also kind of hated it because the dark desires of some DC fans were pushed forward just a bit too much for comfort and for a comic with Crisis in the name it didn’t do a whole lot other than “darken” things. Nonetheless, this lit an “event” fire at both companies. Marvel chose a shake up the status quo for a year, then do it again, pattern and was off to the races (I have written about this, and more, here) while continuing its Randian framing of beleaguered do-gooders opposed by rule making freedom haters.

As this was playing out, Dan Didio quietly took power in DC Editorial. His outlook was more Bloomian – he seemed to spark off of writers who exhibited anxiety of influence. He recognized Johns was the one person they had could be promoted into something of a universe architect, starting work on two key projects from which the rest would evolve. The first, was bringing back Hal Jordan as Green Lantern and diffracting the GL universe into its own symbolic system, with parts frisson-ing other parts, and almost a Magic the Gathering color scheme of ideas. The other was to build up to Infinite Crisis, which would become the model for most of their universe changing events until the present day.

The basic frame is this: DC heroes want to be good (in a sense of their inherent nature) but forces outside form a context that makes them fall. It’s a very gnostic universe, DC. They examine reflections of the concepts, invent scapegoats for certain tendencies (see Superboy Prime as entitled fanboy, Dr. Manhattan as editors that try and fail to mend things, etc), make characters violate principles, rehabilitate them, then show that the world if anything is more broken than before. This is kind of Johns’ thing and it fits Didio’s narrative as historicval tension fetish. But then came Scott Snyder (not to be confused with Zack) who began to work on Batman in 2011. Since then, as much as Justice League is pushed as the central title and Lex Luthor has been pimped, Batman has been the core of the universe and the Joker the core villain.

Snyder had the same continuity conflict wavelength but was significantly more meta and able to contain multitudes than Johns. He was the first to make an explicit mystery of how there could be several Jokers around at one time (who are the same but not, he posited 3 – man, Christians!) that seems prescient given the near future coexistence of filmic Jokers that are not able to be resolved. I believe he was the first to begin to tease out an idea – that different versions of things in comics are not a diffraction or filter effect, a using the set of things that work best for that story and leaving the rest, but are a matter of the archetypal system of the audience coming apart. From an in story perspective what appears to happen is that multiple versions of incompatible things exist in the collective unconscious of the continuing narrative, and this is something that the characters may become conscious of.

The run I just read is written by James Tynion IV building on the above trends. The trick seems to be going all in on the Jungian aspect (at Jung’s most religiously epiphanic). The Designer was a progenitor and adversary to Batman’s predecessor and his intellectual approach eventually defeated the detective… broke him. At some point in early Batman history, the Designer brought the top four Bat-baddies together and offered each, in turn, a plan to achieve what they most desired: the Riddler, a way to achieve an empire of the mind; the Penguin, power; and Catwoman, money. They are all elated as they await the Joker to come out. The Joker emerges with a furious Designer on his heals and promptly shoots him dead. He explains that he didn’t like his joke in the form of a fable – the devil offered four people the path to their greatest desire: the three chose earthly things, but the Joker’s wish was to be him, to become the devil. The story proceeds to suggest that the Joker just exists, he is present as a necessary component in the system. You can kill him, yet he is alive.

DC has been using physics metaphors for the nature of their reality since Flash of Two Worlds in 1963. The multiverse as a continuity concept was their idea and the holographic universe of the hypertime was a thing. It seems like since Dan Didio took over, they’ve been heading towards a concept of broad superimposition, of measurement effect being weak, of the universe being like a quantum computer with all possibilities coexisting and the story instantiating not one reality but a path through all the possible ones. By making Batman trip balls through quite a few issues and relive his origin from different angles, the story is one of its own instability and the heroic task that confronts our hero is attempting to actualize the world. The Joker is the Devil in the sense of lack of fixed meaning, of relativistic chaos, of the world not making sense because it’s unmoored nature with ultimately no knowability. Batman, in this story, functions as a postmodern knight crusading against the impossibility of epistemological grounding.

There’s more going on, sure. One plot is, literally, defund Batman. There is rioting, people brainwashed by being exposed to toxic ether, people paid to go to theaters even though they will die as a result, and questions about neoliberalism similar to that one Joker movie. Punchline has no personality yet (Tynion’s not the best at that) but she serves well as a generational foil for Harley – a rudderless ideological vacuum susceptible to Joker-as-idea-virus rather than an unfulfilled MD who felt alienated due to the structures of her life and was seeking escape into structureless possibility. The Designer stuff is both continuity play (See why they changed from goofy villains to more “realistic” ones! Look how pulp heroes informed superheroes!), a comment on the nature of a longstanding narrative (strong intentions die out as Brownian motion overwhelms momentum), and a lawful evil/chaotic evil setup of the dualism of apocalypses (overdetermined authoritarian vs. center does not hold barbarism). But the thing that ties this to the past decade and a half of DC is the sense that the reality is fluid and susceptible to change or outright s’cool incompatibility.

This is different than other flavors of meta in superhero comics. Grant Morrison believes the archetypes are stronger than the forces that seek to bend them. Alan Moore wants you to deconstruct your sacred cows and probably hates you personally. Marvel might play with self-awareness, but effortlessly resolves inconsistencies after it’s finished playing. DC, at this point, allows you to watch the waves solidfy into symbols and dissolve, and the constant confusion and lack of grounding is more of a choice then I thought this time yesterday. The conflict theory of DC reality has been in full swing but this looks to be turning towards a kind of Zen historicism, holding contradictory things in your mind at once. Warren Ellis’ JLA/Authority book is the nearest comparable text I can think of. I need to call this, but I didn’t even talk about Death Metal, DC character multiplicity as meta-psychosis event extraordinaire. Comics just keep getting weirder.

#DC comics #batman #joker #punchline

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jimlingss · 3 years

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Hey Kina!! any advice about the LSAT exam you could provide? I’m about to graduate as well, and I haven’t taken the LSAT yet QQ, I’m starting to study now and planning to take it August. I’m in Canada I’m hoping to get a response by December after I finish my application in Oct.

LG and reading comp. literally traumatize me with the time limit and I feel so burnt out whenever I look at the books and plan my time for how many hours i need to study a week. I’m only really only a week in and my head pounds.

I would really appreciate the advice! I’m an absolute fan of all of your stories, i don’t know how you manage to juggle writing with school and upcoming graduation, what a god 🤯

you give me too much credit but hell yes I have advice regarding the LSAT. That exam is really something and it feels like I’ve went to hell and back so I’m happy to help others however I can with it.

I’ll break this answer down with my experience and then my recommendation.

Experience: I started studying for the LSAT six months before I took it. I went in completely blind and started with practice test LSAT 40 and scored about 143. ofc I timed it. When you take the practice exams, you have to simulate actual testing conditions as best as you can, so that means printing it out and doing it with the timing restrictions. The first 3 LSAT tests I did I scored in the 140s.

I gradually improved and hit the 150s range. At first I did the entire test in one sitting (with breaks ofc) but it’s so time consuming that I started just doing one section a day. But on Saturdays, I did one entire practice test and on Sundays I would mark that + go through it. So on average, I did 2 practice tests a week.

But then disaster struck when I was stuck in the 150s.

From practice LSAT 43-70 no matter how much I went through it, how much I studied, I could not break into the 160s that I needed. At best I could maybe get 159, but typically I was scoring 155. Which clearly isn’t enough. I started to panic. I knew I needed to do something different.

So I picked up The Loophole by Ellen Cassidy. During that time, I didn’t do any practice tests whatsoever. I stopped doing LSAT and went through the book a chapter a day. And while it’s focused in LR, a few chapters really helped me out with reading comp. I think there’s 14 chapters (if I remember correctly) so it took me around 2 weeks to go through it. Maybe I should’ve slowed down but I was running out of time. But the book helped me break into the 160s. I loved it.

I was pretty happy and relieved and from LSAT 70ish-89, I was scoring from 160-169 with an average of 164.

COVID was a thing by then so the LSAT was online. I had saved the two practice tests they have online and practiced with those and when the day came, I did it in a quiet space without any interruption. I ended up with a 160.

A bit of a bummer considering I was scoring 164 consistently before that but it’s good enough, I can’t really complain. I decided not to re-take it.

Recommendation: Honestly if I had to recommend to someone how to approach the LSAT, I’d tell them to take the first 3 LSAT practice tests blind w/o any knowledge of what it is and without any prior textbook reading. Learn by doing it and get the gist of what it’s about.

After the first 3 LSAT practice tests, pick up The LSAT Trainer by Mike Kim. I don’t have experience with it personally but I’ve heard great things about it from others. ((For me - I thought I didn’t need textbooks and I could study completely on my own but that was very dumb. I honestly wish I had more time, I would’ve picked this book up + the Loophole sooner)).

After completing The LSAT trainer (try to do it in a month? to not waste time? if possible). Then do a few more LSAT practice tests. I’d say 5 of them?

After that, pick up The Loophole. Do that within a month. Then just keep rolling with the LSAT practice tests.

The most recent practice test released is your holy grail. That will be the test most similar to the actual test you will receive so make sure you save that one but make it one of your last tests. For me that was LSAT 89 (or 90?) but there might’ve been newer ones by now. There’s no point in studying LSAT 1-39 because they’re so old that it won’t be that similar to what you’ll take.

ALTERNATIVELY - Sign up for 7sage. I know loooots of people do that. Don’t really know how it works since I haven’t used it but it’s advantageous if your LSAT will be online since 7sage is also online.

I’d still pick up those two books I mentioned above tho.

Other Recommendations - LSAT is sooo time consuming that your whole day is basically consumed by it. Not to mention you have to mark it and learn your mistakes afterwards. Look into doing a timed section a day? That’s only 35 mins so it becomes wayyy more manageable.

Also take marking very seriously. You learn just as much from what you did right and wrong as actually doing the timed section.

Another note, make a whole schedule to manage yourself. I made a google document on what I was going to do every single day. What section. What practice exam. What chapter of what textbook. Plan it all and then by the end when you have the plan, you’ll feel a lot more comforted. Like wow it’s not thatttt much + as long as I follow through with this and do a little a day, I’ll make it.

One more thing - take the exam when you start consistently scoring what you want to score. If you want to score in the 160s and you’ve been hitting that mark for the past 5-10 exams, you are probably ready. If you study too much, that’s a bad thing too. You want that sweet spot timing before you’re burnt out.

Also take breaks. Schedule them in. One day breaks. It’s easy to be burnt out.

((I got most of my practice tests for free btw on b-ok.cc)).

Now I’ll be a bit more specific in my advice....

LR - The Loophole helped me a lot with LR. Also I did a lot of LR practice questions and I naturally started to pick up on patterns. But this section fluctuated a lot for me. Sometimes I did well, sometimes I did poorly.

underline the ones you’re unsure about and move on. it’s better to just go back if you have time in the end then wasting time dwelling on it when you could be getting others right.

Reading Comp - At the beginning I fluctuated a lot with this section. But the first chapter of the Loophole really helped me improve and break down readings. The sentences in reading comps are very long winded and purposely written poorly, so keep that in mind. Just read slowly and soak in as much as you can the first time. I was never a fan of the advice of reading it over twice. It felt like a waste of time. Instead, the first time, as you read, try to guess what might be important or a question and underline it. That helped me.

Games - My favourite section and the section that you can most easily improve on. Just do a lot of practice games and then watch the videos on how others do it. Once you master a game style, you’ll know how to replicate it in the future.

for some reason timing started to become an issue for me later on in the games section in spite of having improved on it, but I realized it was because I was dwelling and double checking when I didn’t need to.

In general: LSAT is a super interesting test as it’s unlike any other test. It’s not dependent on information that you’re supposed to know. It’s not studying info and being asked questions on it. It’s not regurgitation. It’s not memorization. And in that way, ANYONE can improve. It’s a test you can learn. So don’t lose hope!!

And good luck!

((edit - some things I forgot to mention. I tried to pick up Powerscore but their system was so complicated, I zoned out. some folks like the book tho. I’d still recommend the Loophole. also I hope this doesn’t make me seem like a know it all and that this is wayyyy too difficult - I literally started crying once while taking a timed exam. the test is stressful so its ok its understandable to have a breakdown. i sure did lol. so give yourself a break if you start getting stressed.))

#and it's ok to write it several times #everyone is different #for me I did it once and studied for six months #I've heard of others who studied for one #or three months #my sister took it 3 times and studied for a total of 2 years #the LSAT is a test of strength and willpower and hardwork #so you can do it anon!!#hopefully this helps #sorry if its long and overwhelming but I really tried to think of everything lol #Jimlings #Anonymous #LSAT

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