#tl;dr i had a crush on the same guy as my friend

[hoonietual]

let me tell u a story about how in the 5th grade, us 10/11 year olds were involved in so much drama and i was somehow at the center of it......... the entire school knew about it. it was weird as fuck.

[animezinglife]

Maybe it's my age talking, but I do think the Azriel vs. Lucien thing is blown way out of proportion.

There's a difference between attraction and being in love with someone, and another difference still between having a crush and being in love.

TL/DR: I genuinely think the biggest piece people overlook in this Azriel vs. Lucien puzzle is Elain herself and the layers of her internal conflict. Personally, I suspect it's much bigger than them both.

Here's the thing:

Azriel is gorgeous and is basically described as looking like a dark, fallen angel. He went into Hybern's war camp and got her out of there alongside Feyre, took her in his arms and flew her to safety. He's been kind to her, too. He hasn't pushed her to talk and has a quiet, strong presence that I'm sure is quite comforting to her.

There is zero expectation with him--zero pressure that she would even be able to create in her own mind. There's no "mate" term dangling over them and no friends or family breathing down their necks at every turn, acting like they should be supervised for something they didn't do. They're the only two people in their current circle (exempting Mor, though that's a bit different) who are still single. They both are constantly bombarded with this idea of "mates" and being on the outside of what that means.

I don't think it would be a reach at all to call her and Az friends.

It's not odd or confusing to me at all that she would have a crush on him; be attracted to him, want him to kiss her, or even to sleep with him. It seems completely natural.

I would argue that Az has been a gentleman towards her (and I will stand by the fact that internal frustrations are very different than actions, and that something expressed in confidence to your brother is nowhere near the same as acting out of turn), but I also wonder, too, if there's a part of her that makes her think she doesn't want a gentleman right now.

That while she's handled her trauma very differently than Nesta (thank the Cauldron), there's a part of her that's taken that robbing of life to heart and Graysen's whiny bitch comments/rejection to heart. That it's impacted her self-worth to make her think she is something "other" that's beyond saving or isn't worth the kind of fairytale love she always dreamed of for herself.

If I read into it perhaps a bit too much, I think Az is a little off when he assumes Elain doesn't know about the types of things he's done, whether that be atrocities or something more private. She might even see her involvement in killing Hybern to be some dark thing outside her nature she's having difficulty coming to terms with.

I'm not at all saying Az isn't a good guy who's deserving of love too, but I don't think what Elain's looking for with him in that extra chapter has much of anything to do with love. I think she wants a distraction with someone she thinks understands.

I think there's a chance, too, she's overwhelmed by Lucien being in the same house. Overwhelmed by that strong, involuntary pull she feels towards him and that she doesn't know what to make of him at all.

I will say it until I'm blue in the face, but I genuinely think the only barrier--the only real issue--that prevents her from warming to Lucien in the same or a similar way is that heavy, life-altering M-word that got slapped onto them both on arguably the worst day of her life.

He hasn't had the luxury of being around her as part of her family like Az has. Hasn't had the luxury of Elain seeing him fully through her own eyes without the "mate" label being forced into their lives. Yet it doesn't lessen the pull she has towards him, and that combined with everything she's experienced of mates thus far can't exactly be easy to process, especially after a brutal rejection, lost love, and lost future.

She isn't able right now to see the bond as a choice.

She doesn't even get the chance to evolve naturally into seeing it as a choice with the way her family hovers and breathes down her neck. How suddenly the most un-purity culture people in existence magically start caring a great deal about Elain's choices in that regard and insert themselves into chaperone roles like Elain and Lucien are two teenagers who can't control themselves at a junior high dance.

How confusing and contradictory that must be for Elain, who's been condescended and told by her sisters (namely Nesta) that the Fae don't live by human customs when it comes to sex or anything of the like. How the one time she did take that chance with someone she thought she loved it only got thrown back in her face by both Graysen and Nesta?

And what do we know about Lucien? He's devastatingly beautiful. Elegant yet rakish. An intelligent, educated, trained courtier and the son of a high lord. Even Feyre--a happily mated female--can't go five minutes in her internal monologues without noting how attractive and sexy he is even when he's doing absolutely nothing and minding his own business.

She knows he's Feyre's friend. She's heard some of the stories there. So she is aware, then, of at least some of the qualities her sister sees and admires in him despite their current rocky relationship.

Lucien is, in every way, being respectful of Elain's wishes and giving her space even though her rejection hurts him. He's still warring with the guilt of his own lost love in his mind and with a sense of unworthiness. He's been achingly thoughtful towards her; the epitome of a gentleman.

Elain would know that especially with that bond she doesn't fully understand, he's not someone she could simply have a pleasant distraction with. That he's someone who could see through her in every way she wants to hide and that she would never be able to hide in the mere idea that he simply doesn't press her (in the way Az doesn't press her).

Az feels safe right now and someone still attached to her comfort zone. He's a place she can continue to hide without fully facing her present and future and all Prythian is.

She can't hide her pain or suffering from Lucien in the same way. She can't quietly stare out the window into the sunlight without him knowing and feeling exactly what she needs.

She knows--senses--that she won't be able to separate the most vulnerable fragments of herself from her bond with Lucien. Again, a bond she didn't choose, and doesn't currently see that she still has a choice in.

So, she turns away from it in every way she knows how and looks for new ways to do so.

The way people treat Elain when it comes to her love life is so predictably (to her) unlike how Feyre and Nesta have been treated. Elain has always been different from them both, especially when it comes to love and sex. She's more modest and more reserved; has never been the type to fall into bed with some random man or Fae male. She's more guarded; a bit more protective of her own heart.

Maybe, to some extent, there's something she feels she needs to prove to herself. That she can fit within this more sexually liberated Fae world and that she's not some outsider in need of being treated with kid gloves.

Az, in that capacity, is definitely not someone who will. He's also not someone she can't keep her guard up with and can't keep her vulnerability from.

It would not surprise me either if there's a part of her that wants to deter Luicen (thinking back to Mor's tactic of deterring Azriel when she slept with Helion), but more strongly and importantly, to deter and distract herself from the bond. She doesn't want to allow herself to feel anything towards him.

The fact that she does feel a strong pull and, more likely than not, an overwhelming attraction of some kind makes me think it wasn't fully coincidence that she approached Az on Solstice when Lucien was in the same house.

I think she very much wanted to tie someone else to what she's feeling and try to get Lucien, the bond, and that dreaded M-word out of her mind.

Running the risk of sounding crude, Az could probably achieve that at least temporarily.

But it'd come right back. It's always been interesting to me that everyone seems to note that their bond is strong despite nothing having happened between them yet.

Until Elain acknowledges that bond and Lucien one way or another, that internal conflict she's clearly feeling is never going to change for her.

Two things can be true at once: we can fully acknowledge that neither Elain nor Lucien had a choice in the bond snapping between them, and that until they face it, neither one of them are going to have much choice in anything else at all. Not beyond a meaningless tangle in the sheets with someone else.

I think it would've been worse in the long run for Elain to learn that the hard way.

I also genuinely don't think Elain understands that there's nothing wrong with her for being different than her sisters or being different than the Fae norms. That there's nothing wrong with her for struggling to process this or for being overwhelmed.

She's still healing. She still has wounds she hasn't addressed. She's still hiding and seeking distractions while growing restless about wanting more from her life and being frustrated by her sisters' low expectations.

Feyre and Nesta love her, and it's not the protectiveness from love in itself that's wrong.

But they're suffocating her.

Lucien is, in every way, a person who never could. He's something so different and "other" than what she's used to both as a human and as a Fae while also being a bridge between those worlds. He can function in both. He can thrive in both.

He can see, perhaps too clearly, all sides of her whether she likes it or not.

I think she also very much senses he's the type she could fall in love with. The type she'll never be able to fully distract herself from if she lets herself fall or take that leap.

Her heart's still wounded, and she's not ready to risk opening that again right now.

That doesn't mean she won't be later on, and that doing so won't be incredibly worth it.

She will never find herself or open that chance up to herself, though, if she also keeps hiding in only the channels she knows. The barriers--intentional or otherwise--set around her by her sisters.

I do think that's inevitably going to be the difference between them, though: Elain and Lucien are going to face their reality and find healing together and in each other, and in the process, are going to end up falling in love. Real, true, soulful love.

Lucien's love is the kind that will leave her wondering why she ever thought she'd known what love is in the first place, and what they could find in each other is the kind of love they both deserve.

I cannot wait to see Elain facing her fears when she's fully free to do so. I can't wait to see her getting to know Lucien without the IC watching their every move and making her feel like a caged animal. I can't wait to see her find her strength, her love, and the fullest extent of her freedom.

That's not to say that Az would not have many wonderful qualities he could offer her too, but the person she's going to find more of herself than she every thought possible with is Lucien.

Az, in my humble opinion, is likely going to end up with someone else. An actual mate where he'll find his own healing alongside.

[mikuni14]

Takara's Treasure - Ep 4

I admit that I watch Takara's Treasure with morbid fascination 😆 I don't vibe with this romance at all, I watch it like a scientist wondering what will happen and how the show will handle this relationship.

I read with interest the opinions about Taishin from people who explained his behavior and respectfully, but I disagree. (I would like to emphasize the word respectfully just in case 😘). First of all, I fully accept that I may be misreading this character because I may have a completely different background and character than those who understand him. That being said, I think the problem with Taishi lies largely in the script. First of all I think Taishi would be more believable in this story if he were YOUNGER. Second, the script is not consistent in showing his character, because sorry, but either you create a completely clueless person who is clueless about everything, or you make this character innocent, naive, or having difficulty "reading" people and themselves, and it applies to everything. Taishin correctly recognized the threat in the form of his stalker and correctly called for help, just as he correctly recognized the figure on the roof as someone who might want to commit suicide, rather than just standing and gazing at the clouds. Going out involves panic about what to wear, which is 100% just the behavior of an ordinary person. Somehow he got into college, and if I'm not mistaken, in Tokyo (?), so I assume he's a good student, which means he must have had some education. At the same time, the series portrays him as someone who is so clueless that someone else has to silence him so he doesn't sound "weird" (???), someone who has been still wondering about the concept of people being attracted to someone of the same sex, and is completely unable to connect the dots between how he panicked when someone invaded his space and him invading someone else's space by rummaging through their bag (edit: I forgot the most important thing, which is him interpretating of his feelings towards Takara, which the series shows as both comedic and romantic). For me it just doesn't add up.

We've already had characters in BLs who are clueless, uninterested in love, characters who are just figuring out what's happening to them, what this new feeling, new state, new reactions of their bodies are - including people in college. But these characters were consistent, their behavior was logical, and above all, it didn't make them stupid and problematic at times (I feel like if Taishin was not a sweet uke, but a macho guy, and Takara was a cute, petite girl, the reaction to him , his stalking behavior and "weirdness" would certainly be different). Ae from LBC analyzed his new feelings, consulted with his friend, Chu Sang Wu from Semantic Error had a whole meltdown because of his new, unknown feelings, Mork from My Ride was also confused about his feelings for a guy, in many other series the characters were surprised with their often new, anxiety-provoking, unknown feelings, they panicked, analyzed them, discussed them. But in each of these cases everything was logical. And series still can keep as much as possible that the characters are clueless and "do not fit into generally accepted norms" (that's why so many viewers identified with Ae - many called him our demi king ^^ and Chu Sang Wu as a neurodivergent character, or with Mork and him discovering his bisexuality as a grown man).

tl;dr imho Taishin should be clueless in all social situations, not just the select ones that fit the script. And he really should stop his stalking, strange actions and rummaging through people's things (and.. it's actually getting worse! and it's presented as funny, cute and romantic!). There are limits, and quite often legal limits to finding out something about your crush (in Chery Magic, Adachi/Achi had no idea that he was someone's object of affection and that that person knew almost everything about him, because his boundaries and right to privacy were never violated). Sorry to all Taishin fans but for me what Taishi does and what he says is not romantic or cute in any way 🤷‍♀️

[lovelorngirl]

lore drop because i felt like it

time to talk about my past crushes cuz wtf why not

ok so a long time ago, i was friends with this guy (but we werent like close-close ykwim?). we were in a few gcs together but we didn’t like.. talk one on one or whatever.

so fast-forward to the first day of school, we had the same class and he sat next to me!! and we had a really good conversation. we talked about our childhoods, our interests, yk, the usual. and we got really really close like we started doing everything together

as in, you could not find one without the other. we were CONJOINED at the hips babes and like.. i was starting to like him. but i was in denial land ofc.

he was my bestfriend. i didnt want to lose him

and then i noticed these things. things that i ignored when i really should not have

1. (for context: he had those watches that track your pulse) he mentioned to me his watch cuz its cool, it can track your heart rate n stuff and he showed it to me and it was going fast. which is weird right? ‘cause we we’re just sitting down in an air-conditioned classroom but OF COURSE, I JUST BRUSHED IT OFF

2. there was this time where he texted me that he missed me then i asked why? did i die? and he told me that he missed my stupidity with a side of “you suck”

3. i made a joke about having a e-boyfriend and he kept asking questions about it and lowkey.. he seemed a little pissed AND AGAIN I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT CUZ I DIDNT KNOW HE WOULD LOOK AT ME THAT WAY

4. one of his friends dmed me and ASKED ME IF WHAT I THINK OF HIM???!!! AND I, AGAIN, THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT????

more clueless than percy jackson 😭😭😭

we were going to have a school dance and i was so excited!!! i planned on confessing to him there

but then class was cancelled for a week or more because of something that happened. we chatted but it was mostly about the exam that was coming up

because class was cancelled, so was the dance :(

and when class was finally back in session..

he started getting distant

it was barely noticeable but i noticed it. it felt like something was missing but i didn’t know what

and suddenly, it was like there was an invisible barrier between me and him. and i tried to ignore it but the gap between us just kept growing

i made a deal with my friend that if she confesses to her crush, ill confess to mine. unfortunately for me, she did and so

i did

i confessed and HAHAHAHA OMG his reply to it was “i like you…… before”

VERBATIM.

and turns out he moved on from me TO MY BESTFRIEND??!!!!

DUN DUN DUN!!

tl;dr girl ignores all the signs her crush liked her, shot her shot at the wrong time, and he ended up liking her friend instead

i guess the moral of the story is if you like someone, tell them. regret sucks more than rejection

[dandyshucks]

realizing i wanted to ask - how did u first fall in love w/ guzma (irl) ? :o (@dmclr)

ougghh (/happy) Clara you always ask such good questions omg 🫶

umm... okay so. i should give a general "abuse CW" label i guess fjfkdl but I'll keep it vague and to a minimum of mention! also putting it below the cut because I RAMBLED SO MUCH, SORRY IN ADVANCE

tumblr kind of went crazy for the guy when the anime finally introduced him in 2019 (it took SO long to get to him, over 100 episodes in the su/mo arc 😭) and at first i didnt think much of him rly, but then somehow eventually (a few months later) i found out through osmosis that he's got trauma going on and my ears kind of perked up a bit LOL

(underwater just to set it apart from the rest of the post so it doesnt blend in and get confusing fndkdl) screenshot of the post i rbed where i first mentioned liking him fdsjkl

around the same time, i was having some realizations about my own experiences with childhood and family etc, and there was some other stuff going on in my life (also. the plague started so uh. that too.) that was just kind of culminating in like. A Lot of stress and fear and stuff. so seeing this character who has experienced somewhat similar things was ... comforting in a way? shared experience or something, idk. plus I've always been a sucker for misfit archetype characters, especially if they make a little family out of other misfits :')

another big part of the intrigue (because my crushes always start with a sort of 👀 phase fdsjkl, I have to think somebody is interesting in some way and want to find out More about them, and then feelings develop from there) for me was just the fact that he was Angry. like... the way I've personally learned to deal w abuse has been to always be meek and fawn. so seeing someone who went in the opposite direction, to become angry and strong and defiant instead, was SO fascinating to me and I was very curious to learn more about him.

so I looked into him more, loved what i found, related to him a bit, accidentally by some random occurrence stumbled upon some bf audios of him somehow??, wished he were real so we could hang out, thought about how I'd act around him and started to feel a little flustered about it ... it's all downhill from there once u reach that point smh 😔😔 (/silly)

for a long time i didn't really fully step into s.elfship territory w him - i dabbled a little but he wasnt The Focus™ in my brain yet. also we (as a system) have had a host change since then, so there was a previous juno that was not Me (even though we kept the same main name between us two parts), and they didn't like the guy as much as Current Me does djfkdl - theres also some ... relatively significant personality differences between the two versions of Juno, so I think Juno2.0 (me) meshes with him a lot better now than Juno1.0 did in 2020/2021

and then last year, i found and joined the s.elfship community and um. I absolutely did not mean for him to become The Main Guy and never would've guessed he would be, but... well,, we dont always plan things i suppose, feelings just happen 😭

anyways. it maybe seems kind of messed up but his ~tragic backstory~ is what drew me in initially bc it helped me feel less alone and scared when i was Going Through some pretty major shit lol. and then after that, i just kind of took the character base that pkmn had in place and ran with it to build on it and sort of make my own version of him that I could be friends with and eventually fell in love with ^^;;

TL;DR it was a mix of timing, similar history of abuse, intrigue bc of our opposite reactions to the abuse, and um... the way he is like,, strong and builds a safe place for other young ppl who feel unsafe or not accepted in general society fdsjkl

i get embarrassed talking abt it bc ppl seem to really hate it when abuse victims are weak in any way and need help, but ... i do really like that he is strong in some ways and would be able to give me a sort of safe place to let my guard down and receive help and care (as shown by the way he provides a safe place for the grunts, all the misfits and outcasts of Alola) ^^;;;; honestly kind of a Big part of it for me (and for pretty much all my s.elfship dynamics) is that he is able to protect me and care for me, because I have not like. experienced that ever. at least not properly. when your parents are the ones being abusive, you not only do not experience protection and care but you're also being actively hurt in some way by the people who are supposed to keep you safe. so to be freely given care and safety is kind of crazyyyy to me LOL, that is something i like a lot about him :')

OKAY RAMBLE OVER. i really tried to keep this as short as i could but,, brevity is not a strength of mine (esp when it comes to him) LOL. THANK YOU for the question !!! its fun to look back at how it all happened tbh :]

[moonlightsapphic]

Y'all, I find the reception of XO, Kitty so dissapointing.

TL; DR: The underlying homophobia/biphobia/lesbophobia/misoginy towards Yuri as potential and viable endgame which I don't think would have happened if she were yet another hot guy.

The straight-baiting marketing of this show was absolutely genius and I loved that Jenny Han, who writes the straightest central romances to ever romance (To All the Boys I've Loved Before, The Summer I Turned Pretty), actually initiated a series with such visibly queer storylines and then literally jumped into this sort-of-interracial, sapphic romance centered around a bi+ character. I could see Han trying to be more inclusive in her past on-screen works, but this was incredible.

No you don't understand. There was this point midway through the show where I thought I was in a fever dream and watching wishful fanmade content because I couldn't believe an IRL Netflix show could actually give us this. My mind was blown.

So you'll understand that I was fully bamboozled to see that social media is swamped with Min-ho fangirls pretending like Yuri doesn't even exist. I love Min-ho too, but am I the only one who also saw so many signs that point to a future Yuri x Kitty?

First, for the narrative satisfaction of their moms being best friends in the past!

... and to complete Kitty's coming of age! Kitty, growing up in the cisheteronormative Song-Covey household, made the oversight of initially operating under the assumption that she exclusively likes boys and that she has mastered the art of relationships. That's already been debunked partway by her breakup with her first boyfriend who was supposed to be endgame, and is only going to be sealed further if she ends up with a girl in a long-term relationship. (And no, of course she doesn't have to "end up" with a girl for her queer identity to be valid, but I think it just makes the most narrative sense to have that unfold in the story as her worldview alters.)

Here I present to you: my pet peeves in the XO, Kitty fandom

hyping up parallels between Peter x LJ and Minho x Kitty scenes claiming that this means Minho x Kitty may be endgame. They literally have to reach and dig for those because the most parallels are between Peter x LJ and Yuri x Kitty, right from the scene that they bumped into each other! Kitty has also shown zero romantic interest in Minho so far, as opposed to her very keen interest in Yuri.

People finally addressing the elephant in the room like "Ugh, Yuri is probably going to be endgame. 🙄 I want Minho instead!!" like it's such a disappointing or borderline gross outcome. Yuri is a much more intense enemies-to-lovers character than Minho. She is beautiful, kind, and fun with a little bit of bite, everything that Minho is plus Kitty is falling for her hard.

Being real here—If you think Yuri is a boring love interest or kind of a b*tch while Minho is simply a fun old enemies-to-lovers character, I am begging you to check your biases. You, a straight woman, may only see hostile fictional women as competitiion and hostile fictional men as ... well, kinda hot. However, Kitty is bi+ and she could see them both as viable romantic interests, equally. Yes, Yuri has done more malicious things than Minho, but then again she has had a harder time this academic year than Minho. You are obviously still allowed to like Minho better, as long as you're not dismissing the struggles of and flattening a strong female character. Misoginy and homophobia make an ugly combo, y'all. Trust me, you don't want any part in that.

(Additional unpopular opinion: I'm going to get crucified for this but I genuinely think Kitty is too boring for Minho in the same way that Dae was too boring for Kitty. He seems to be into her only from the Halo Effect. Minho is my child and I squeal whenever he's on screen and I hope to see him finding someone actually fun!)

Saying that Kitty’s crush on Yuri was just a token plot point with no real basis or depth. While there is some unrealistic family drama in the show, it's all still credible. Fiction is supposed to bring in imaginative elements and try to keep things grounded. Regardless, I'm never going to be the person who says that a wild and shocking bi- or gay-awakening is unrealistic. As a queer person, let me tell you that it is just as wild and confusinh for us IRL.

Besides, many cishet people actually do not care if (or is hateful when) the MC is bi, that I doubt how much it “helps” with marketing. (That's why queerbaiting exists, folks.) Also, have you seen Kitty in TATBILB? That's a bi preteen right there if I've ever seen one.

"Stop trying to invalidate other people's ships!" I will say this once: I don't care if you ship Kitty with Min-ho, or Dae, or anyone else that's not Yuri. I DON'T CARE! Frankly, good for you because straight ships have better luck out there anyway, ya know? I am simply begging you to not reduce a queer person's nuanced concerns about dismissal of sapphic fictional characters to petty fandom arguments. Read the room, guys. Please.

This is such a crucial show to many of us. I just want y'all to understand that this is just a little bigger than your celebrity crush on a hot guy whose character you're rooting for. We never, ever get contemporary slice-of-life romcom sapphic rep (and Netflix is notorious for cancelling sapphic shows, too). Please don't be dismissive of a perfectly good possible ending! We want to give Netflix every reason to renew this show, and give Han every reason to allow Kitty to flourish just the way she plans to! (This is me begging y'all to not influence the writers into swerving last-minute towards a sloppy Minho endgame, though I do trust her better than that.)

I hope that Netflix renews the show, even if it's through the excitement of straight people in denial LMAO. And then I hope it treats us with a glorious sapphic ending.*

*(Aaaand I can already imagine the cishet women in the audience complaining online about what a terrible person Kitty is for leading Min-ho on and then dumping him, and how she and Yuri are both awful and totally deserve each other. Music to my ears.)

[msmargaretmurry]

Ms. Blues!

Do you have any thoughts on what Leon should do next? Extend? Sign and trade?

Unforch for me I was very much hoping that the oilers would win and am too in my feels to have perspective on this. Would love to see McDrai win it in the next few years, but idk if I am completely delusional lol

hello friend! i am sorry about your sad hockey feelings, but not too sorry because obviously i was on the other side rooting for the p.anthers the whole way 😅 but i do know how crushing it feels when the team you're rooting for loses, and i hope you can find comfort in your good memories from the season and start looking forward to next season soon!

re: leon's looming contract negotiations, under the cut because i got real chatty about it, whoops

i don't really have thoughts about what he SHOULD do, because my stance on player contracts is that they should always be based on what the player wants and thinks is best for themselves. even if it's not the ideal scenario for me personally! sometimes i'll be grumpy when a player's desires go against what EYE want but in my heart i am always in favor of workers having agency regarding their working conditions. in this house we love labor rights baby. i thought that leon did a very good job in his exit interview saying tactfully that he hasn't had time to think about his next contract yet (understandable!) and that it's going to take some time and discussions with both his agent and the o.ilers to figure out what happens next (and did a good job sticking to that talking point even as the e.dmonton media got quite frankly inappropriately aggressive about it).

i wouldn't blame leon if he wants to wait until the entire next season is over to decide what to do. the worst they could do is trade him at the deadline because they're mad he won't commit, and i think that would be pretty beyond the pale LOL. if he pushes his contract negotiations out past next july 1, it's possible he and connor could negotiate at the same time, if that's something they want to do or think would be beneficial. the o.ilers are in a tough spot right now with how fully half their roster needs to be re-signed or let go — something they have to be super tactical about if they want to keep the caliber of team they had this season — and then bouch's contract is up the same time as leon's, and that kid deserves a big payday, and then obviously they'll need the money available to re-sign connor the next year. even with the salary cap going up a significant amount, i can see there being concern in leon's camp about the o.ilers having the ability to pay him what he's worth. he is already grossly underpaid and even wanting to stay there is only so much of a discount a player of his caliber can conscionably allow a team.

i do think he loves his teammates in e.dmonton. he loves playing with connor. those are definitely things that matter when it comes to contract negotiations, too. i also think that making it to the scf this year puts him under unique pressure to stay (which is another reason he might want to wait until after the coming season to figure out his next move! it would not be strange at all if he did; so many players do their contract crap in the off-season anyway!) but obviously it's also not out of the question that the o.ilers make a concerted effort to get him the contract he wants and get it done early so everyone can relax, lol.

i personally wouldn't hate seeing him play somewhere else (excluding on teams i hate, obvs), which i know sounds like sacrilege but it's for the totally selfish reason of i just so rarely root for the o.ilers and i think it'd be fun for ME to have him on a team i'm more all-in on, lol. it's truly nothing against (most of) the o.ilers players, they have some players that i'm super fond of! and some good narratives going on up there too! but my deep and ceaseless loathing of daryl k.atz easily outstrips all of that and is my unwavering guiding star here. fuck that guy fr.

so tl;dr i hope that whatever leon does is what he wants and what feels right to him. a lot of people are going to have a lot of opinions about what he should do but we don't know what's in his heart! i hope the o.ilers are respectful of the process and of whatever time he needs to take to decide, whether it's like two weeks or all season.

[ferally-ships]

Whoa, I didn’t know how long you’ve been attracted to Nate Fick! Thought I was pretty alone in having long term HBO crushes, good to know I’m not the only one. Bill Guarnere in BoB is my biggest HBO 6-year crush… Totally my kind of guy, irl and out. Hold onto your comfort character 😊

...Yeah. It's a problem... or solution to depression, I don't know XD It's his fingers and the way they position on his rifle, resting or gripping... or just holding a pen... those long fingers that can do things... It's his puppy-dog green eyes that are always stressed and carrying the weight of the world... It's his nose...his kissable lips that, when he smiles, it's the softest thing ever... The way he swears... I don't like when men swear much but when he does it... Oof it's something happens. Don't even get me started on how he protects. .... I'll stop.

Nope. Guess you and I have been loners for a while. So hi, nice to meet someone who's got long-term HBO crushes!

I have a weird soft spot for Guarnere. He's not my favorite...very low down on the list... Mostly because I see him as a slut XD but he reminds me of a 'family' member.

See, one side of my family is Italian. The other is British. I share equal qualities but will always choose British over Italian. My heart lies in England, and my humor is dry and that of typical British/Australian/NZ humor... But I have heavy-set Italian features... anywho - My family are friends with another group of Italian-background people, who are like an extended family. Me and this particular guy kinda had a forced friendship. Felt obligated to, to keep our grandparents happy. It was a lot of petty sibling rivalry. He'd say shit to me... But the minute someone else said the same things he would, similar or worse - he came tearing across from the other side of the room and placed himself in front of me, going face-to-face with the other person. There was a soft side to this guy. And it came out occasionally when we weren't bickering over extremely stupid stuff. TL;DR his protectiveness reminds me of Guarnere. I see Guarnere a lot like that. But that's probably also my little HC too. I don't know. I feel like I'm talking to much instead of just replying to your original ask of 'OMG SAME!'

[lily-of-the-flame]

Until like Junior year of high school, my parents apparently couldn't tell whether or not I was gay (I'm not, sorry guys). This is probably because, despite finding some females attractive physically, I wasn't attracted attracted to them because I really didn't care or was annoyed by them. I was and am only really attracted to people who are A: fun to be around, B: good people, and C: preferably neurodivergent (although that would probably end badly, i.e. accidentally ending the world together). I did find a person like this (in 2nd grade actually) and eventually realized I had a crush on them in Senior year of high school (I told them this and despite them not feeling the same way we are still friends and I am okay with that, as I have no idea what I would have done otherwise).

TL;DR I'm not gay but my parents thought I might be

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Quick post on how my life is going because AHH I'm reeling

TL;DR: I have a crush on this one guy (maybe) and he has a crush on me but I'm not technically supposed to know so SHH

More details under the cut

Look, okay, I know what this sounds like yeahhhh I mean, I met this guy last summer in chemistry when I picked him to be my unknowing academic rival (muahaha he still doesn't know this because he actually kicked my ass at pchem and I don't want him to know that). And that was really only because we were both commuters and usually I got to class first but for some reason he started getting to class first instead so it was just a way to keep myself entertained for that expedited hell class (recall that I had to go on semi-hiatus for that shit oh god)

But see, day one of pchem, I made a study group discord. And, yes, 10 people came in (one of which, if you recall, is the nice guy (derogatory) from [this] post, but this isn't about him). So a couple of us met a few times already then, one day, another person sends a message to the discord asking where our study room is. Me, being me, stood outside to flag him over and... imagine my shock... my unknowing academic rival. That's how we met, I kinda kept trying to bring him into the conversation to make sure he didn't feel left out because I could tell he's kind of introverted (takes one to know one) and ngl he was kind hot and lowkey my type so like YUHHHH another thing to keep me more entertained.

Some things led to others, the study group got closer (to the point that we're all in a friend group now except for the nice guy (derogatory) we all blocked him after pchem LMAOO) and we still hang out often now. Basically, we all bonded over the shared trauma that was that red flag dude mixed with pchem lmfao.

So to summarize those paragraphs, I've been crushing on this dude for almost four months now lmfao to the point that I started questioning if I really wanted to date him or if I was just wanting to be in a relationship I don't even know AHHHHHH

Anyway, yesterday was my birthday. Deal changer. It turns out all of my friends planned a surprise party for me and, allegedly, my crush (who I will now refer to as J), was really active in planning it (well they all were but still). So we had the small surprise party, and he offered to drive me to my car (fun fact, my university's parking lots are a whopping 15-minute walk from the main campus). So, considering it was late, I accepted. Anyway, yada, yada, he gave me my gift, took me to my car, and was off! I didn't think too much of it because it's kind of a normal thing for the both of us to walk each other to our cars because we park in the same parking lot and leave campus. Then I went to kbbq with my family and go drunk off my ass on soju (eight shots, I'm so ashamed).

But here's where the fun starts.

I was drunk.

I opened his gift when I got home, and oh gosh it was a couple of things and AHHH all together they're actually kind of expensive? I'm going to be honest buying gifts is something that lowkey stresses me out so whenever people ask what I want I just tell them money because whatever they got me for my birthday I feel like I have to get of equal value (and yes I understand that sounds bad but still). But it was just really sweet and ever since then, lowkey, he's kind of spending a lot of money on me like my man, J, pls, I need to pay you back somehow. Y'all don't understand, he walks me to my car at night, we study together, hell, he buys me food sometimes, I gotta pay him back some how!

But, and there's been a development, yes, that's right, my friends, J now lends me his hoodies when I get cold. I've done it, lads, I've done it!!! Also, okay, okay, not to be that person but long time followers know that I'm 4'11 (short queen), this guy is a whole foot taller than me, I swim in his hoodie, I love it, I've been spoiled, I want to experience that again, send help pls, but yes, that's like the main run down of it, AHHHHHH ah I don't know what to do-

[wizard-finix]

❤️ 💥 👻 🎁 :D

YOOO THANKS FOR THE ASK :D

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

Hmmm it's hard to settle on a single line, but I think it's a tie between this one, from Stygian Ringlet (my p3/p5 fic):

Ryoji remembered that awful night on the Moonlight Bridge, when his world fell apart. The night he remembered everything and instantly wished he hadn’t.

and this one, from a Runescape fic chapter I haven't posted yet:

“You know, I was planning on a nice evening playing cards with the rest of the crew,” Jaida said, still catching his breath. “But no, here I am, stuck in the temple in the middle of the night with you and the Scourge of Wushanko herself, with the only way out being blocked by an army of cultists, mercenaries, and giant crabs.”

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

Ryuji's treatment in P5. I normally don't mind a character being comic relief, he does have some hilarious moments. The problem is that he had the potential to be a really good underdog-type character and have interesting character interactions with the others, but Atlus really did him dirty and squandered his character development by having the entire cast degrade him for the rest of the game. It worked for Yosuke in P4 because he tends to make those kinds of jabs at his friends and often brings it on himself, but it's a lot more one-sided with Ryuji. These people are supposed to be FRIENDS, guys. (I don't even need to say anything about the end of Shido's palace jfc)

(also Kawakami's social link and benefits are uncomfortable as hell so I never used them)

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

OH, THIS ONE. I DEFINITELY HAVE ONE FOR THIS QUESTION. My wildest headcanon:

Shinjiro's persona has a latent berserk ability somewhat similar to Akechi's, and absolutely no one realizes this, not even Shinjiro himself.

I will explain this one, so hear me out.

In P3, the only ones in the game with personas that go berserk and try to kill their own users are the artificial persona users, who are the results of human experimentation. Shinji is a natural persona user unlike Strega, and he is (reasonably) mentally sound, which rules out that possibility.

Shinjiro's persona went berserk the night of the accident that killed Ken's mother. He definitely was not on Persona suppressants at the time, because this event was the reason he started taking them in the first place, so it wasn't because of the suppressants either. It had to be a preexisting issue (one that the suppressants actively made worse).

It's a LATENT ability. The first time it happened was the night of the accident, as mentioned before. Normally someone's persona discovering a new ability would be great, right? Well, in this case not so much, since it kind of manifested at the worst possible time and killed someone. And because of that crushing guilt, Shinjiro made no effort to train or understand this ability, instead seeing it as something deeply wrong with himself and trying to suppress it entirely with drugs. So he wouldn't really know if it was actually one of Castor's abilities or not.

Akechi's persona also has the ability to make its user go berserk (except Call of Chaos can also be used on shadows). Castor also pretty much went berserk and while Shinjiro himself didn't, there's no telling whether or not it was having that same effect on him and Shinji was trying to fight against its effects, causing him a hell of a lot of pain. Akechi, fueled by rage and spite, fully embraced this ability and used it on himself and enemy shadows; Shinjiro on the other hand actively suppressed his persona because of he doesn't want to hurt anyone else.

tl;dr I just think "latent berserk ability gone wrong" is an explanation that makes sense guys, cause when you think about it we don't actually know what was wrong with his persona in the first place

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

Oooh don't mind if I do (this is a deleted scene for Stygian Ringlet that I had to scrap because it didn't fit, so it's not actually spoilers lmaoo):

One ring. Two rings. Each one seemed to drag on for an eternity, only making him even more nervous. 

After a third, agonizingly long ring, the other end picked up. A moment, and then a voice Minato hadn’t heard in far too long answered. 

“Hello?” said Akihiko.

Minato immediately slammed the phone down on the counter. 

Fuck. He couldn’t do this. What was he thinking?!

Minato, I would suggest you answer the phone. You’re being kind of rude, Ryoji gently chided him.

Minato eyed the phone warily before picking it up, slowly putting it back to his ear as if it might electrocute him. 

(Well, it was Akihiko on the other end. Maybe it could.)

“Hello?" said Akihiko, sounding vaguely annoyed. "If this is a prank call, I’m hanging up.”

Minato swallowed nervously. Now or never. 

“...Uh,” he said lamely. “...Hey, senpai.” 

The silence that followed felt like the longest in his entire life.

[alterous-yearning]

oops

ok um. so yea i made this blog about this one girl i have alterous feelings for. but recently i thought i had alterous attraction to 2 of my close friends who i met more recently.

but uh. that's not exactly the case.

ok so for one of then i just have a crush on him. like deadass just romantic attraction. I thought it was alterous tho bc like I'm not nervous around him. usually I am more nervous around my crush even if they are my friend. I didn't realize I could have a crush without being nervous lol.

& um for the other dude...it is more complicated. i dont want to explain the whole thing here but basically: I have fluctuating romantic attraction for him. like it just keeps going back & forth between romantic & platonic so much it is confusing. it can change like on a dime flip forreal. but like there is a base of strong platonic feelings for him bc we are close friends. so sometimes when it is like kinda romantic feelings for him mixed with the platonic it feels like alterous. but it's not like purely alterous it is like separate things combined to kinda make it. idk. it's confusing. like i would just say i have fluctuating romantic feelings for him. like aroflux or something except it is just him (& one other guy), like i still have regular romantic feelings for other people. also yea i think how i figured it out (i forgot already lol) is due to this other guy who like im friends with but we are not as close yet. i also have a similar fluctuating crush on him as well. we're not close enough yet for it be to alterous tho (bc im demialterous). so like it would probably be best to not date either of these dudes bc i would only be into it some of the time & like we deserve better. i mean theoretically w/my close friend i could have like a wavership or a romantic friendship or something. like just like a friendship but i can act on my romantic attraction when it is there. idk i don't think that would work out with him he is like longterm monogamous & im like solo poly. oops. whatever we can just continue being close friends but i would like to hug him tho. yea.

tl,dr: so in conclusion. uh i only have like strong alterous feelings for one person still. i have like kinda occaisonal alterous attraction to someone else but it doesn't really count.

idk if i still count as polyaffectionate (im still polyam tho) but like if did have 2 really alterous feelings for 2 dif people at the same time then yea i would want an alterous relationship with both of them.

[permanentreverie]

omg, Lindsay, where do I even begin? - okay, so, I am repeating my sophomore year of college (more or less the equivalent) and I was extremely bummed about it, but this boy in my class has been the light of my days and the bane of my existence. he is SO CUTE, with those mesmerizing hazel/brown eyes, he's like 6'2 and Ripped bc he plays rugby (!!!!!!), so sweet and nice and so talkative (like omg he's such a nerd when he starts talking about his interests no one can stop him), he's always dressed well and has a lovely singing voice, he's the eldest of four (boy girl boy girl) and a Christian (but like normal about it😭) his name is literally a variation of Peter????? when I tell you this man is Peter Pevensie incarnate. we're good friends and talk a lot every day and I loooove teasing him. he also teases me a lot but he's that way with everyone (but I won't lie, since he's almost a whole ass foot taller than me he gave me a lil humiliating pat on the head once like I was a poodle and I lowkey melted😭). the other day he got pumice in his hair (don't ask) so he ruffled his hair & it was all disheveled like a puppy and when he looked back up at me I giggled bc he looked SO CUTE and he broke into a grin asking "what?" like UGH i just wanted to eat him like a cookie!!!!!!! we have so many common interests and a good common friend of ours (who has deep convos with both of us) said we are literally the same person, like emotionally speaking, to a point that is almost frightening 💀 anyway somewhere along the line I got this huge crush on him and it ate me alive because every single time I've liked someone I've ended up being friendzoned, and I feel like he's not as playful with me as he is with his other girl friends so I was like hmmmm am I putting myself up for heartbreak? probably 😍 but you know how it is! the sign can't stop me cause I can't read, and so on Friday I went to a house party he was invited to and I was determined to shoot my shot. i had hyped myself up and put on my best dress and perfume and given myself all the pep talks and listened to my hot girl shit playlist on the way there and!!!!! he ended up not fucking showing!!!!!! so I'm like so disappointed at first and my friend (who knows about my feelings at this point) is like, he's such an idiot, omg, are you gonna be okay? and I'm laughing through the hurt like "yeah he'll never know what he missed bc I'm the baddest bitch there is🤪" but THEN the alcohol started kicking in and I texted him "well too bad for you, I wanted to tell you something tonight and I guess you'll never know what it was" which is the BIGGEST hint I could ever drop, like???? and INSTEAD OF SHOWING THE TINIEST BIT OF INTEREST, the dude straight up says "aight" LIKE ?????? SIR ??????? so I'm understandably pissed and mad and sad bc he's definitely not interested and it's soooo frustrating bc we would've been so cute together and I hate him!!!!! and I forget about him for the rest of the night..... until I drunk texted him at 1:30am that he was a bitch and that I cared about him too much for my own good 💀💀💀 tl;dr I'm an idiot for any man with a cute smile

but tell me about your boy drama now!!! and please tell me it went better than mine

girl can you move over like make room for me I need a tall brown eyed christian boy 🙈

from your description I fell a little bit in love with him ngl. the head pat!!!! Oh my word I WOULD DIE!

I really wish I had advice to give you, but honestly it's a MESSY situation girl drunk texting a confession is just. wow. I applaud you like keep me updated on every single happening omg

my boy drama is like SO not that. It's literally this customer that I've seen three (3) times. I saw him the first time, noticed he was attractive, went and told my coworker. Whole time she was ringing him in he didn't look at me once (which is. Y'know. Solid because of COURSE I like a guy who doesn't even acknowledge my presence). Then the next day I see him again but don't recognize him, turn to my other coworker and am like 'hey girl there's a cute guy here I need your opinion. He's over there in the dark teal hoodie and grey cap-' and I realize it's the same guy and start freaking out. She rings him in and she starts talking to him about our membership program, and we learn that he's from out of town and is just here working on a rig, and that he doesn't know how long they'll be stationed here. He leaves and me and her freak out and talk about how nice his voice is and she keeps telling me I should give him my number. THEN last night he comes in again, and I catch a glance at his profile and I wasn't SURE if it was him and I told my coworker so BUT IT WAS HIM and I'm ringing him in this time and I ask if he's a member, act like I just remembered that he's not and from out of town, and I ask if they're staying for Christmas. He says no, that they're going home for Christmas and taking a break, and I say that that's good, to spend time with family. He kinda laughs a little and says no, he's single so there's none of that, but he does have a sister. I smile and say that I hope he's able to see her over the holidays and he leaves. THATS IT and then my coworker is like totally telling me to shoot my shot but I'm SCARED but like why did he go out of his way to tell me he's single???? Anyways I'm going to the bar on the 23rd and I doubt he'll be there BUT IF HE IS I'll shoot my shot. If not I might see him after Christmas since he'll be coming back

[kissimirrit]

this memory just hit me like a shitton of bricks ok listen so like

i had my first ever relationship when i was 11. we were both 11 and she was one of my closest friends, and it was an online relationship. she confessed to me via deviantart note yadda yadda that’s the context.

but early on, i kind of caught on that i didn’t feel the same way she felt for me. and i felt very, very guilty about it. that relationship ended, and a few months later i got another girlfriend who confessed feelings to me. and it became a little bit of a pattern where these girls i was friends with would confess feelings for me, i assume that we’re such close friends that this MUST be love, and then very quickly realize that what we are feeling are two very different things.

and all the while i was doing what any sad 11-13 year old furry on deviantart did at the time: make vent art saying that i’m incapable of love and that i’m scared i’ll never fall in love and that i’m a loveless husk of a person.

i just think it’s kind of funny that, looking back on it, from an early age, from relationship #1, i sort’ve knew that i didn’t feel romantic feelings, and that i never had before, and that i probably never will. (and i was right).

[your-dose-of-obidala]

Five Fic Friday: AU Edition, Part I

Happy Friday, my lovelies! I love AU's! I guess you knew that, right? Here are some of my fave AU fics. And by AU I mean fics that are set in a different world than the Star Wars one. If you like to add your fave's go ahead. I will def do a second part. Enjoy :D

The Case Of The Mistaken Model by Ticklesivory

(Words: 21,516 Chapters: 14/14) Murder Mysteries, Film Noir Vibes, AU

There's been a murder and it's up to Private Investigator Ben Noble to figure out who killed a beautiful young fashion model. 

gray-green by cafedeagua (Words: 10857 Chapters: 2/32) Modern AU, Dark & Gritty, BAMF Padmé, Non-Con Stuff (from Anakin), implied character death, attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, slow burn, anidala, Padmé/Rush Clovis, WIP

An unfortunate woman named Padmé Amidala, who lives an overall hopeless life, comes across 9.9 million dollars and does whatever she can to keep it. Obi-Wan Kenobi, a former detective, tries to uncover the truth behind his brother's death. When they find themselves thrown together by the circumstances, the two of them will have to fight the monsters and darkness around them and inside them- as well as managing the building tension between them.

she sits comfortably in her beauty's summit in her garden by @wrennette

(Words:3870 Chapters:1/1) Arthurian Style AU, Knight!Obi, QueenConsort!Padmé, Mutual Pining, Courtly Love turns Romatic Love, HEA

When she comes to court to marry Prince Anakin, Padmé is at first certain that the King’s Sword does not like her. Ser Kenobi is cool and aloof from the start, his pale eyes flat as he looks her over. She is surprisingly stung by his lack of reaction. While she has long been lauded as a beauty, she had not thought herself vain.

Stick and Poke by @wickedscribbles (Words:7858 Chapters:1/1) Modern AU, TattooArtist!Padmé, Dominant!Padmé, slight D/s, Orgasm Denial, Begging, PiV Sex

Obi-Wan takes an interest in his artist after she helps him through a tough patch on his first tattoo. He doubts such a confident, good-looking young woman is single -- and if she is -- would she even be into him? Through a series of not-quite-orthodox events, he gets his answer.

higher ground by superstringtheory (Words:9686 Chapters:4/4) Modern AU, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Chubby!Obi, Secret Identity, Feeding Kink, Hurt/Comfort, Sickfic, Making Up

Padmé Amidala is still trying to get over her breakup with Maul (two years ago now!) by distracting herself by dreaming about meeting her online gaming buddy in real life. He's shy, though, and the new guy at work has caught her eye...

Obi-Wan Kenobi just started a new job at a tech startup. He's busy at work and with trying not to let his raging crush on his coworker Padmé get the best of him, especially when he's been getting to know a girl online for months while gaming together. Padmé could never actually fall for him, though, because he's fat. Right?

tl;dr everyone finally figures out that they're all the same people online as in person and Ahsoka plays matchmaker. Padmé definitely doesn't mind that Obi-Wan is fat. (Personal Favorite!)

[needhelp2021]

Please help me become a woman again.

This is the hard for me but I can’t take this anymore.

My name was, and is again, Hailey.

I am a woman. And this is my story

This is me when I when I first met my girlfriend.

This is me a few years into our relationship. (she has me binding my breasts here)

I was raised in a strict religious environment and I’ve always been a tomboy and often had crushes on other girls. I had assumed this meant I was meant to be a man and when I told my parents this they reacted really badly and after some traumatic events I ended up running away.

I was living at a shelter for teens and the only people who weren’t homophobic were deeply into gender identity and transgenderism. There was a girl (she says she is nonbinary but she is definitely a girl) whom I fell for immediately (I believe this was due to her being the first person not to shun me) and i ended up moving in with her. Very early into the relationship however she told me I was a transman and basically i was straight. i believed her because I felt it made sense with everything I was taught about strict gender roles and my same-sex desires.

This was going fine for awhile until she started to tell me I needed to make some changes, she started to supply me with testosterone she had got from her other ‘queer’ friends. I didn’t really want to but she would get angry with me if I said anything so I thought fine, I mean i am a  straight guy but then the effects came. My body became hairy, my boobs become saggy and I have never felt so awful.

After we moved I met more gay people and I learned that I still could be a woman and love woman, and dress how I want and I didn’t have to be a man so I could be straight. I told her I wanted to stop and I don’t want to be graphic but afterward I felt so disgusted with my body. I stopped bringing it up because of how badly she reacts but I want out.

I was able to meet some women who would let me stay with them despite the mistakes I made but I need some help getting out, I am not taking anything with me (although very little of it is mine) because I plan on leaving when she is not there which is rare because she lives of her friends.

But because of all this I don’t know how I’ll be a woman again, I don’t have any clothes plus I don’t even look much like one anymore. I don’t know if I’ll need surgery or hormones to make me look normal again.

I don’t want to suffer for mistakes I made when I was a teen for the rest of my life.

Please help. I want my life back.

my venmo

tl;dr: I’m in a abusive relationship with a woman who has coerced me into being transgender. I don’t want to put up with it anymore and I want to be a normal lesbian but I don’t have anything to help me.