#to access and understand these feelings in myself i mean

[mordcore]

Why white people don't like to talk about race: A Theory.

definition of "racialization" for the sake of this thread: for me what it means when a person gets "racialized" is that they are being put in a box labelled with whatever race people decide to assign them from the outside and kind of objectified/reduced to that label. i'd also argue that there are different degrees of this experience.

being racialized fucking sucks. if you're a person of color, i don't think you need me to tell you.

but most of us white folks probably don't experience it a lot. being confronted with the fact that i am white; based on my skin color which is: innate, out of my control, undeniable and immediately obvious to everyone who can see me; that is uncomfortable! even more so if it comes with being put in a box/assigned the label from the outside, and all the assumptions that might carry. i'm not sure if i understand the topic of white guilt very well, i believe it has something to do with the awareness that our ancestors or even just people in our "box"/racial category have done or are doing awful racist things, and with feeling guilty about it, but obviously incapable of changing other peoples past actions, which creates a conflict -- me personally? i refuse to feel guilty for things i had no part in. or i try to at least. but it is a sore spot and accusations of being guilty for being white hurt, and sometimes i also misinterpret things to be accusations when they are only pointing out this conflict to me.

this conflict is likely a part of the discomfort associated with being in the "white" category. now i know most white people don't get confronted with racialization very much, and maybe that is why so many of us struggle to act normal when we do. i also don't know how accurate my theories are and how much i can generalize my observations about myself, because of my specific trauma about the topic. idk if other white folks feel the same as i or the same level of it. but i think we could benefit from observing without judgement, in ourselves, how it feels to be categorized as white from the outside. do i have a knee-jerk reaction to it? what is my first impulse when this happens? am i trying to push any feelings away? which ones? why? is there an inner conflict?

for example, i feel a conflict between my need to be/believe that i am a good not-racist person, and my feelings of discomfort about the topic, that i try to push down because i feel like it doesn't fit who i'm supposed to be, therefore inadvertently deflecting whenever someone is trying to have a productive conversation. or out of fear of doing that, i fall into the fawn trauma response and feel like everything i'm doing is wrong, and like feeling like that is also wrong, and there goes the spiral.

i believe that most of us white people would benefit if we ask ourselves these questions, and our friends and loved ones of color might also benefit if we do, as well as antiracist activism in general.

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

[southerngothicaf]

Apparently my anxiety about cooking is literally so bad that I would actually rather starve than try to cook so that's cool to discover

[bowithoutadaemon]

Today is the deadline to fill out a questionnaire in preparation for a meeting with some external peeps for a thing for the student committee.

And apart from the questions like "name" and "do you have a team" I am stumped on basically all of them. So I feel very stupid and kind of want to cry.

[diluc33rpm]

3/3  If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

[noxtivagus]

hjdfkbdfkjda guess i'm rlly gna have to read all and fix my notes now ><

[stopthatfool]

Consistently shocked by the idea that people think Bradley Rooster Bradshaw is chill and laid back. He’s actually shockingly unchill. He is the opposite of chill. He did not inherent any of his parents chillness. He’s a loser who’s too invested in everything.

Like ya hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and I cut off my remaining family, surrogate father, and support system for 15 years cuz he pulled my naval academy papers because he didn’t want me to die like my biological father and because my mother wanted me to be free of the navy’s confinements and to exist outside of a system that physically uses me for their own power and political gains— gains I will never experience and feel for myself. A system that sees me as no more than a number, a soldier, something easily replaceable, as a body to be sacrificed in a war that i did not start nor will i finish.

���Bradley's chill.” No he’s not. He’s a beast. He’s a 30 something year old man whose entire purpose revolves around holding a grudge and proving his surrogate father wrong. This beast who literally said this to his surrogate father— "No wife. No kids. Nobody to mourn when you burn in." Beastly. Ghastly thing to say. 15 years and he still hates the guy who's been there for him since day one. He’s a guy who refuses to even begin to understand where Mav was coming from or to even think of what his mother wanted. He’s evil. And I love him.

Hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and when someone brings up a well known, easily accessible fact that my father and surrogate father used to fly together I will try to cause physical harm against them and my friends will have to physically hold me back. I’m Bradley Bradshaw and I was willing to put my entire career on the line (the one in which I put my family aside for) so I can attack and beat this guy up.

I love his big ol’ Bambi eyes… he’s evil and fucked up and he’s not chill. Yes he wears jorts and tropical shirts, but that just means he’s gay and a fucking liar. Just cuz he looks like some surfer dude does not mean that he’s actually laid back like one. He’s lying to himself— trying to convince himself he is something that he is not and never will be. He is unchill. He’s lame. He has undiagnosed anxiety and it physically expresses itself through anger and loserly-ness. He cares so much to the point of self sabotage. He will always be unchill, no matter how much he tries to change that fact.

Y’all ever want to cradle a grown man in your arms? (graphic design is my passion)

[gatheringbones]

[“I told my mother I thought I might be trans in a lengthy and overly apologetic email, which she didn’t quite know how to respond to. From her perspective, my transition had popped up out of nowhere, with no prior warning signs. She was convinced I had been brainwashed into transitioning, and agreed to meet my counsellor for a joint meeting with me, primarily to meet the person she felt had brainwashed her child into transitioning.

My mother describes her first meeting with me presenting as Laura as very difficult for her, due in no small part to her inability to see me as anything but her very traditionally masculine son in a dress. For a while she knew but did not talk to my father, which she found very difficult. She told me years later that she went through a period of mourning, feeling like her child had died, and that she was left with a stranger she did not know. It put a lot of strain on her, and on our relationship as parent and child.

Why the assumption I was brainwashed? Because of autism infantilisation.

Before we talk more about my journey coming out as transgender, we have to rewind a little bit to something else that went on at around the same point in my life: my diagnosis of Asperger’s. By the time my mother attended that appointment and met me as Laura for the first time, I had already been diagnosed with Asperger’s, which was part of the reason she was so worried about me. She was not aware of any statistical link between autism and gender dysphoria, and in her eyes I was a vulnerable young person with an autism spectrum condition who was being manipulated into transition because I was easily swayed, or lacking in ability to assess my feelings on the matter properly for myself. This is depressingly common: an adult’s assumption that having an autism spectrum condition means you’re incapable of proper self-understanding, or that you’re susceptible to being manipulated into believing things about yourself that you did not previously. You’re not trusted as being of sound mind to make choices about your own life, out of fear you’ve been manipulated.

Speaking to my mother years later, now she has somewhat settled down and got used to me going by Laura and female pronouns, she told me that her biggest fear, and the primary reason she agreed to attend that first joint session together, was that, as a youth with Asperger’s, my therapist was influencing me into believing that I was trans. She feared it was some kind of brainwashing that my gullible mind could not resist the allure of, rather than believing my own account of what I was experiencing.

I also faced this same issue with doctors when trying to access medical support through the NHS. I would have general practitioners, mental health doctors and gender specialists alike raise an eyebrow when I acknowledged my Asperger’s diagnosis, and then proceed to take plenty of extra time asking me lengthy questions about how my autism symptoms manifested, to ensure I was of sound enough mind to make permanent choices about my body. Apart from the obvious infantilisation of people with conditions like Asperger’s on display there, I always just explained it as being like the decision to get a tattoo. I am an adult, over the age of 18, who has been deemed sober and mentally sound, and as such I have every right to permanently inject colours into my skin that may never go away. Why should I not be trusted to take slow-acting meds that are somewhat easier to reverse? Still, the fact I had to fight to be believed that I was mentally sound enough to make that choice says a lot about misunderstandings about autism spectrum conditions, but highlights that to assert that transition is unique in the permanent nature of its change to the body is completely inaccurate.”]

laura kate dale, from uncomfortable labels: my life as a gay autistic trans woman

[ao3commentoftheday]

Since there are a lot of new people on tumblr these days, I'm going to start this whole thing off by saying that this is my personal blog and while this blog does have AO3 in the name, this is in no way official or affiliated with whatever OTW might have to say on this subject.

Yes, I've seen the reddit post  about the GPT-3 bot scraping AO3. Yes, I'm aware that Sudowrite.com are using the data from that bot to generate text.

A few things I've learned as I've looked into this:

1. Bot scraping is legal. If a website is publicly available on the web (does not require a user to login in order to see its contents), then they don't have grounds to try to stop a bot from doing what anyone can do. Here's an article by the Electronic Frontier Foundation about why this is the case  and also why it could be considered (on balance) a good thing . For example, scraping websites helps academics and journalists do their work.

2. Elon Musk doesn't own GPT-3. He's listed as one of the founders of OpenAI, the group who created GPT-3, but he resigned in 2018. He could still be a donor, but he has no official capacity in the organization.

3. Sudowrites is a tool that generates text, but it is a writing assistant not an AI author. It can not structure a story and develop a plot independently. It can not do research. It is meant to assist a human author by giving them prompts or ideas, helping them find a word or a phrase. But anything created solely by the bot would be at least somewhat incoherent and also in danger of committing plagiarism. For more information, I recommend this article.

What does this all mean? First of all, just because it's legal doesn't mean you have to like it. I'm not a fan of it, myself. but I also know that Google scrapes AO3 in order to provide search results for fans trying to find fic so I've kind of resigned myself to it.

Second of all, there's nothing AO3 or the OTW can do about it, really. There's a technical fix they can implement to prevent scraping by one particular bot (the one mentioned in the reddit article), but that's about it.

You, as an author on AO3, could lock your works to the Archive (restrict access to only logged in users). This might or might not protect your works from scraping. I don't know enough about these bots to give you an answer one way or the other. This feels gross. I understand that. I feel it too. Do what you need to do to feel better.

The original reddit post author states that they contacted the OTW Board, so there's no need for you to write in to AO3 Support. They're already aware of the situation.

[thegnomelord]

Imagine Price With a Virgin Reader

CW: NSFW Dom Bottom Price, Sub Top M!Reader, dom/sub, light humiliation, MReader

My brain continues to be weird before exams, soooo I did a thing. Calling it Gnome's Imagines. I think I kinda turned Price a bit southern :Dd Asks/reqs are always welcome.

Imagine you're in Price's office doing paperwork as punishment for backtalking a superior officer in the field. Fatigue wears down the chains on your tongue so you start bad-mouthing the SO under your breath, harsh words tumbling from your lips until Price grips your chin and tilts your head towards him. "That's enough out of you." Price shuts you up with a quick kiss to your lips, his beard tickling your skin.

He doesn't think anything about it until he pulls back and sees your wide open eyes. When you lean back to trace your lips with your fingers and mutter "Huh, so that's what that feels like" he grows even more confused. He's old enough to have some notches on his belt, so your reaction throws him for a loop.

"What? Are you a nun or som'thin' bumkin?" He teases, because frankly he can't understand how someone like you hadn't ever kissed anyone when you have all the qualities he finds desirable.

But he stands corrected when you look away with your ears burning and give some offhand comment about waiting for the right person. "I don't whore myself out." You say to hide the embarrassment of being called out like that, hoping to hide behind your words.

"Oooh bumkin," He chuckles and grips your chin again, tilting your head to keep your attention squarely on him. "Does that mean you think I'm right for you?" He asks, stroking along your jaw and loving the way you relax into his hand.

When you shrug in leu of answering it proves him correct, his heart fluttering in his chest and pants feeling too tight around his cock. "Tell you what sugar," He chuckles when you attempt to hide the way you perk up when he speaks. "How about I teach you some new tricks hmm?" Hot arousal burns in his gut and floods his system at the thought of introducing you to sex, of ruining any future partners for you, of ruining you.

A small pathetic sound makes its way out of your throat before you can catch it, but you're quick to hide it, subtly nodding your head.

"Need you to use your words there," Price orders, keeping a firm grip on your chin to keep your focus on him (as if you'd look anywhere else).

You grip his shirt, "Just kiss me already." You grumble and are immediately rewarded with his hot lips against yours. Your inexperience shows as you kiss him back sloppily, unsure how to move your lips or tilt your head so you end up bonking your foreheads, your teeth messily nipping his lip and drawing blood as you try to all but swallow the breath in his lungs.

"Oi," Price growls against your mouth as he holds your head firmly. He licks his bleeding lip, but he's the furthest from mad right now. "Just follow my lead. You're good at that." He waits until you answer with a verbal "yes", then he's mushing his lips against yours. He holds your head still, guides you how to kiss him properly, his tongue lapping at your clenched teeth until you give him access to your mouth.

Your captain tastes like tobacco and whiskey and the several cups of black coffee he'd drank and something that's just him, the taste making you feel high while his tongue licks around your mouth and urges you to do the same so he can suck on your tongue.

"How's that sweetheart?" He asks when he pulls away and keeps you from following after his lips, leaving you breathless and panting. "Eager for more?" Price teases. "Come on, use your big boy words."

It takes you a few seconds to find your voice, several more to admit what you want— him. In whatever way he'll give it.

A devious smirk tugs on Price's lips. "Bumkin, your wish is my command." Next thing you know your world is doing summersaults as he stands and hoists you on his shoulder like you're a sack of potatoes. When the sudden motion makes you yelp and struggle you're rewarded with a sharp slap on your arse, "Keep still." His hand stays on your arse to keep you steady on his shoulder while he moves quickly to his room attached to his office.

"Don't throw your back out old man." You say, hoping to disguise the embarrassment burning in your gut with snark.

"Watch it, it's your back you should be worrying about." He chuckles, gropes your arse for good measure. "This old geezer can keep up with you just fine, sugar."

Though he picked you up roughly, he sets you down on his bed like you're made of glass.

With a hand on the back of your neck he guides you into a second kiss, a pleased rumble in his throat when you adapt quickly, eagerly kissing him back just like he did you. You part just enough to take off your clothes, Price taking your wrists to place your hands on his hairy chest.

"Go on, bumkin, ain't goin' to bite you...yet." He purrs and you take it in stride, roaming your hands all over him. He rewards you for exploring his body; Gives you a quick peck when you find a new sensitive spot, scratches down your chest each time you squeeze his plush side or thigh, and leaning your head down to latch on and suck his nipples earns you a very firm grope on your cock and a pleased sigh.

Growing bold you catch his eyes and then bite down on the bud between your teeth. He jolts and yanks your head up, his own teeth bite a big bruise into your throat. "Don't push it you brat." He murmurs against your skin, trailing kisses and bites down your front until your torso is black and blue with his marks, his claim.

His nose nuzzles into your groin as he settles between your legs, thick hands squeezing your hips while he mouths at your cock with his little pink tongue lolling out to lick at your cum hole. His beard tickles your skin when he takes you into his mouth, suckling on your head and looking at you with hooded eyes.

You can't control the sounds which escape your throat, your thighs shaking and head rolling back from the sudden assault of sensations on your nerves. It feels so much better than your own fist, your balls already churning with how hot and tight his mouth is.

Then the bliss around your cock stops.

Your neck almost snaps from how quickly you turn to look at him, and he's looking up at you with a smug smirk. "That's right, keep your eyes on me." Price smiles and rewards your focus on him by taking you down his throat, hollowing his cheeks and relaxing his jaw so your cock can slide past his tonsils in one fluid move.

With your focus on him you can't hide your reactions and his lips quirk up in a smirk even when they're stretched wide around the base of your cock, enjoying the faces you make with your head full of bliss as much as he finds himself loving the weight of your shaft on his tongue and the taste of your pre dripping straight down his throat.

Gripping you by the wrist again Price moves your hand on his head, a pleased hum vibrating from his chest to your cock when you take the offering and tangle your fingers in his hair. Focusing on his breathing he lets you rock your hips and rut your cock into his face like a bull in heat, rolling your balls in his hand.

Your orgasm sneaks up on you so embarrassingly fast you don't even have the sense in mind to warn him before you're cuming down his throat. He swallows it all down with his throat bulging and keeps you balls deep in his mouth until you've grown soft. Only then does he pull off and licks the residual cum from your head so he can see you shiver with the overstimulation.

"That was fast." He mocks you with a teasing lilt in his voice, "Still want to make comments about my age?" Price asks, voice somewhere between mocking and amused.

"At least I can go again quickly." You know you're playing a dangerous game but you can't help but say it. "Bet you need to take a nap after cuming once."

His eyes narrow, pupils blown so wide they swallow the blue in his eyes. "Oh, is that so?" He grips your soft cock, tearing a hiss out of you when he begins stroking you. "Let's see about that, hmm?"

He sits on your thighs, keeps you pinned down beneath his bulk with his hard rock cock next to your rapidly hardening one as he grabs the lube. Slapping away your hands when you try to touch him he braces against your chest and quickly preps himself, almost silent groans leaving him save for when he tells you to "Fuckin' wait.".

When he's done he pours lube on your almost fully hard cock, ignoring how the cold lube makes not-quite-pain race up your spine. You watch him grip the head of your cock and line it up with his puckered hole. "Wait, shouldn't I be on top? Since, you know-"

"Oh no sugar, you're not there yet." He laughs, holding your hips firmly in place before he sinks down onto you, relishing the burn as his hole greedily swallows inch after inch of your hard flesh. "When you can last more than a few minutes I'll let you fuck me good 'n proper." He braces both hands on your chest, looming over you as every pound of muscle and fat keeps you pinned to the bed. "'Till then, be good and just sit back, be useful for some'tin' other than running your mouth."

"You're a bastard." You manage to say before the tight heat around your cock steals your ability to think.

Price can't explain how fucking powerful he feels when just a simple shift of his hips makes whimpers and moans slip past your lips; can't explain how his heart flutters when just bottoming out and clenching around you makes you shudder and groan. He lets you grip his hips and grind into him, his powerful arse and thighs clapping against your legs each time he bounces on top of you with your shaft spreading him wide.

You don't even notice your second orgasm approaching until you're cuming inside him with a small whimper, flooding his insides with your seed.

Price just laughs as he feels you soften inside him, nowhere near close to his own release. "I'll take that one as a compliment bumkin." He snorts.

But he doesn't stop.

"What's the matter, didn't forget 'bout me, did you?" He grins and rolls his hips down, his weight pinning down your wriggling body until the sweet heat and strong clenching of his hole has your cock hardening right up despite the pain of overstimulation. "You know, it's bad form to leave your partner high and dry." He tuts, like some teacher, a sadistic glint in his eyes.

The mixture of cum and lube eases the way for your cock so he can teach you how to find his prostate, making you shift your hips every time you bottom out until you can tell the difference between his prostate and his gummy walls with the tip of your cock alone. "There you go, good," He groans—first real sound of pleasure he's made all night— then raises his hips so only your head remains inside him. "Now do that again." He grins, his cock only now beginning to leak.

He pulls three more orgasms out of you by the time he's close to the edge, your poor cock so overstimulated and balls so empty you'd be begging him to stop if you still had your voice. His belly bulges from the amount of cum in his bowels, a puddle of his own seed collecting on your stomach. Finally he cums with one final bash of your cockhead against his prostate, kissing you passionately as he paints your stomach white and slumps against your body.

He pats your chest like you're a work horse, his heart beating just as quickly as your own. "You did good," He whispers with a hoarse voice, leaning down to kiss your sweaty brow. Your eyes droop with exhaustion encroaching now that he's satisfied.

Then he grinds his hips into yours, a devious smirk on his face. "Oh, bumkin, I'm not done with you."

[vexingwoman]

genuine question regarding the "women are female people" post. trying to understand the radfem mindset because I don't agree with y'all on most things, but I understand your need to find safety and acceptance within the patriarchy's oppression/danger. I am female but not a woman. I was never socialized as one either. I feel like biological socialization piece goes out the window in my case. Biologically yes, I am female, but socially no one, including myself, would ever view me as a woman or place me through the same social oppression that women face, nor will I experience or have experienced any of the good parts of womanhood. I feel no desire to, because despite sharing the same biology, we are not socially the same. I feel like, in this experience, theres a stark divide between the social category of "women" and biological category of "female." What is your take on this, I'm curious?

The crucial issue here is that you’re conflating women and femininity. You say there’s a difference between women and females, when you instead mean there’s a difference between feminine women and non-feminine women. You believe women are socially constructed, when you instead mean femininity is socially constructed.

The only way you could think that your non-conformance to femininity indicated that you were not a woman, is if you believed femininity was innate and inseparable from women. This is not only an unabashed display of bioessentialism, but a reinforcement of the same sex-based roles and sexist stereotypes that gender ideologues purport to be defying. 

In case you don’t know, the concepts of femininity and masculinity were created solely to enforce female subjugation and male domination (elaboration here). Therefore, nothing is more misogynistic or in direct contradiction to the radical feminist goal of gender abolition than claiming women are defined by the very social construct created to subjugate them, rather than by their biological sex.  

I’ll be honest, I feel increasingly irritated and hopeless every time I receive these messages of “I’m not a woman because I don’t conform to society’s sexist, outdated idea of what women are.” How can you not see how backwards it is to believe your conformity to a demographic’s harmful stereotypes is what determines whether you belong to that demographic? In what other circumstances is this ever the case?

This is a genuine question: why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that you’re a gender-non-conforming woman? Why must you go through all these mental cartwheels and act as though being a woman is contingent on how others view you, or how you socially conduct yourself, or what degree of oppression you face? What benefit do you see in defining women by the social construct of femininity (hierarchical, prescriptive, arbitrary) rather than defining them as female (non-hierarchical, descriptive, concrete)? 

Much of my frustration stems from the knowledge that radical feminists and gender ideologues actually hold similar views on the concepts of women and men, until they diverge at one crucial, irreconcilable point: 

Both radical feminists and gender ideologues acknowledge the existence of regressive stereotypes attributed to the sexes. But where radical feminists seek to remove the stereotypes from the sex, gender ideologues instead, quite stupidly, seek to remove the sex from the stereotypes.

In short, I still consider you a woman completely deserving of access to women’s spaces, because being a woman does not, and should not, have any other prerequisites other than being an adult, a human, and a female. There are not, and should not be, any behaviors, aesthetics, feelings, or non-biological characteristics that determine whether you’re a woman. There are no gendered brains; there are no gendered souls. Being a woman is an innate, neutral, and non-prescriptive reality, no different than having freckles or brown eyes or hooked noses.

[peachypinkygloss]

what's wrong and right — pjm

Your two bodies make one, you complete each other and if one piece is missing, nobody can continue to live normally. So when a fight shreds your couple apart, the worst happens and his true nature comes out.

♡⃛ Pairing: Jimin x Fem!Reader

♡⃛ Genre: established relationship, smut, angst

♡⃛ Word count: 10.7k

♡⃛ Warnings: 90% is smut :D, messy story that only makes sense to me but whatever bcs it's pwp, consensual non-consent, role-play such as kidnapping & pseudo incest, non-con to a certain extent, brief mention of eating disorders, jimin is the sweetest bf, ig he could be considered a yandere but I won't say he is because I don't want to, fluffy stuff, short break up that only exists to create make-up sex, jimin realizes things..., dom jimin/sub reader, unprotected sex, use of the word r*pe in an erotic context, sex tapes (this aspect was supposed to be explained but just go along with it for now), dd/lg, praising & light degradation, clit stimulation, oral (f & m), cum eating, unrealistic amount of cum *cough*.

A.N.: Check this before reading the fic, please. Kind reminder to be mature and avoid the content you don't like. 🫶🏻 Thank you my baby @trulythv for reading it first 👀 and for thirsting over this crazy man with me who I like to call the best bf ever🕺

Playing: Sometimes - Mattyeux & Princess Chelsea ,, Cent fois - Alice et Moi ,, Can't Help Myself - Alexandra Savior.

✧˖*°࿐

Looking at you through the rear mirror, Jimin smiles. You're so pretty. He really loves you, he loves his beautiful girlfriend. Your eyes are shut, long lashes gracing your under eyes. He can't see your lips, but it doesn't take away your beauty, no, you're so much prettier like that.

He looks back in front of him, pushing on the brake pedal with his foot as the car comes to a halt. He likes the spot he found; away from the city, far into the forest. He can be alone with you with no risk of someone falling upon the both of you.

He opens the driver's door and gets out of his truck, walking around it to come to your side. He pulls on the door's handle, revealing your little body lying down on the black leather seats. The corners of his lips are lifted up when he sees you and he grips your tied up ankles, bringing you closer to the edge of the seat.

He sits you up and you seem a little bit dizzy, but it's normal since you've just woken up from a quick nap. He then carefully removes the grey tape that is covering your mouth, making sure to not hurt you.

"Hi, baby," he whispers, smiling when you blink up and look at him. "How are you feeling?" He asks in a pouty voice, babying you, and it makes you feel safe, cared for.

"Tired..." You respond and your body feels sore. Jimin understands, this was a quite long car ride and laying down on the back seats doesn't seem really comfortable.

"Oh, sweetheart, I know. I'm sorry," he apologizes, taking you in his arms. He embraces you in a warm hug and you nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck, sniffing the pleasant odour of his cologne.

He lets you go and takes out his phone from his front pocket, unlocking it to access the camera app. He puts his phone down on the truck's floor, leaning it against the bottom of the seats, facing the exterior. He'll let the door open so the camera can capture everything that will happen outside.

He starts the recording, which means you have to be in characters. One arm under your knees and the other around your waist, he picks you up easily. You whine softly when your butt leaves the seat, watching where Jimin is bringing you.

There are trees and a lake ahead of you. He decides to put you down just in front of the first tree that is right in the angle of the camera. He kneels before you and grips your knees, pulling your legs apart. Your feet stay together since they are attached to each other.

He sees your white panties with flower patterns on them, your skirt lifted up over your plushy thighs. Jimin licks his lips, the sight of your core making him hungry.

"Please, don't..." You squeak when his fingers travel your inner thigh, almost reaching your clothed pussy. They're cold, adorned in chunky silver rings, veins pulsing along his strong arm.

He glances up at you as you beg for him to do something he doesn't intend to do at all. He smiles, still caressing your soft skin with his fingertips. He smirks, eyes glinting with malice in them.

"Jimin," you whisper his name, as if to reason him, to beg again for something he can't promise. "Don't hurt me."

His smile expands. "I would never," he whispers back, bending down to reduce the gap separating your two bodies. His lower half settles between your legs, he places his lips beside your ear. "Never hurt you," he affirms and when he backs away to look at your face, your eyes are filled in water.

He puts a palm over your cheek, caressing softly, swiping his thumb under your eye which causes a tear to fall down. He observes you for a minute, the singing of the birds and the quiet flow of the lake filling up the silence. You cry quietly, crumpling his white t-shirt between your fists. You need to have him against you, despite yourself.

He makes some space between him and your legs, griping you by the calves to lift them up. He takes his time to run his hands over your exposed skin, groping the meaty flesh of your thighs. He then focuses on your ankles and carefully unties the knot that attaches them together.

He gets rid of the rope, throwing it away on the ground. Free from any restrain, Jimin can part your legs wider, spread them how he likes it. Bend in half, that's how he prefers because he has your beautiful cunt on full display for him to play with.

He pushes your thighs over to your chest and normally you would hold them up, but you can't right now, so Jimin does it for you. Hands behind your knees, legs in the air, he places his clothed bulge against your pulsing core. You shudder, so close to him, yet so far to be connected with him.

"So perfect for me, just the right size..." He praises, looking down between your legs where he rubs his crotch against yours. "You were made for me, this is how it should be," he blathers, his voice a little husky, a little desperate. "Just me and you, baby." He says, the only thing he can really promise.

He slides his hand down your thigh, feeling all the goosebumps that travel your skin. Your stomach twists and your mouth hangs open, watching Jimin play with you. Shaking the toy in front of your eyes to lure you in the game.

You gasp when he suddenly hooks his fingers under the band of your panties and roughly strips you off of them. But he leaves them around your ankles, the flimsy material hanging around them. He keeps a hand under your thighs to hold them up, pushing them over your stomach so your pussy can be accessible to him.

He licks his lips before touching your clit with his middle finger, making you flinch, his cold skin contrasting with your own that is burning hot. He passes his digit through your folds, feeling how wet you are already. His cock hardens in his pants and he can't wait to free himself to fuck you senseless on the ground, in the middle of the woods, a camera filming your entire intercourse.

He brings some of your arousal to your clit, making this more pleasurable for you. He pinches your bud of nerves between his thumb and index finger, pulling on it gently and toying with it. You squirm around and whine, which annoys Jimin.

"Behave," he scolds and sends you a hard glare. He pinches it harshly and you try not to move a muscle, but it's complicated with your clit trapped between his fingers.

You sob, throwing your arms over your head, gripping the grass to refrain yourself from reacting to his touch on your private parts. He plays with your sensitive bud a bit more, occasionally sliding a skillful finger through your slicks.

Finally, Jimin presses a finger on your clit and moves his digit from side to side to stimulate it. He moves it quickly, eliciting soft moans from you. He's concentrating on his task as he looks at your pussy intently, seeing how much wetter you are now.

"Ah! Minnie, stop it!" You cry out, pulling on the grass, keeping your legs up even if you yell for him to stop. He won't and you know it.

"Shh, pretty baby. It's okay," he reassures you, but the tingles he creates in your body are so strong, you can't ignore them. You tremble underneath him, arching your back as you roll your eyes. The pleasure of sex and the lust it brings you will always be stronger than you.

Jimin is very pleased, licking his lips obscenely, watching you fall apart just from a simple flick of his finger on your poor little clit. And then your orgasm shoots through you, making you moan and juts your hips upwards.

"That's it, sweetheart, just let it go..." He encourages you with sweet words and you feel dizzy, much more than before when Jimin picked you up in his arms. "Such a good girl," he purrs, caressing your thighs to soothe you while you get down from your high, pussy clenching around nothing.

He takes off your panties from around your ankles, stuffing them in his back pocket to not get them dirty. Your legs fall down on the ground, shaking slightly, recovering from your clitoral orgasm. You whine softly and fight to keep your eyes open, perceiving Jimin reaching for his zipper.

The sound makes you shiver, heart beating incredibly fast and mind fuzzy, filled with white clouds. You pull on your wrists, a strong desire of touching him, of touching your lover going through you, but you can't, unfortunately.

"I'm going to fuck you, m'kay, baby?" He announces while looking down at his crotch, lowering his pants down his thighs. He palms his bulge before lifting his gaze up to you. "Be a good girl for me," he orders, and finally frees his cock out of his briefs.

You've seen it so many times before, yet this moment still makes you flustered. Jimin is really imposing and this isn't to displease you at all. He strokes himself a couple of times, spreading his pre-cum over his length and looking at you with so much desire it makes you shudder with all your being.

He aligns his cock with your entrance, swiping his tip through your wet folds, mixing his pre-cum with your natural arousal. You let a moan out of your mouth and open your legs wider for him. He growls at that, gripping your plushy thigh and sinking his nails into your skin. He leaves small crescent forms all over your flesh, a sign of his passing on you, a sign of property.

"This had to happen, sweetheart..." He tells you while he pushes in slowly, your pussy expanding as he forcefully enters you. You gasp, blinking to let the tears fall from your eyes down to your cheeks. "I'd like to say that I'm sorry, but- fuck," he curses when he's all the way in, your walls contracting around him. "I'm really not."

Your stomach tightens at that, body reacting to his words despite your will not to. He stays still, thighs trembling a little bit from the pleasure. He looks like he's in total bliss, blond strands of hair dangling in front of his sweet eyes, pupils fully dilated.

He locks your legs behind his back and you whine, the movement making him penetrate you deeper until his balls touch your ass. He whimpers and holds you against him, never letting you go even if you don't want to.

He leaves his mouth open so it's easier to breathe and he frowns, creating a crease between his soft brows. The first thrust makes him curse under his breath and you cry out quietly, keeping your eyes locked with his. He collides his hips against yours with force, your boobs bouncing on your chest from the harsh stroke.

He starts fucking you, entering and exiting your hole at a regular pace. "Ah, shit," he hisses, gripping your hips harder. "Your pussy feels so good, baby," he compliments, completely thrown away by the pleasure.

"Minnie," you cry, reaching for his t-shirt and pulling on it to have him against you. He groans at your neediness, mind clouded with you only. He sticks his chest to yours, feeling your perky nipples against him.

He takes a hold of your jaw, boring his eyes into yours while he pounds his dick in your pussy until both of your skin turn sore and hurt. He touches your neck with his lips, then leaves wet and warm kisses all over your face. Finally, he connects his plump lips with yours, stealing your breath away and muffling your moans.

You whine into the feverish kiss you're sharing with Jimin, feeling so overwhelmed by his hip thrusts. Unfortunately, he has to break the kiss, but he stays over you, breathing onto your face. His hand shifts to your neck, slowly enclosing your throat with his fingers. The cool feeling of his rings makes more goosebumps appear on your skin.

"Mmh... you like this, don't you?" He questions and you blink up at him, whining as a response. "I know you would, baby," he growls back, pecking your jaw and the side of your neck. "Know you'd like me to rape this pretty pussy..." He mewls into your ear and another wave of heat travels your body.

Your tears make your vision fuzzy and you decipher Jimin's face with difficulty, but you sense his presence really clearly, him using you as a way to release himself and his build-up frustration. You scrunch his t-shirt between your fists, knowing that this is your boyfriend and that you desire him as much as he desires you.

"Y-Yes, Minnie, I like it," you breathe out and he feels your throat vibrate under his palm. You whine when he gives you a particularly hard thrust that goes deeply into your guts, his cock reaching your sweet spot that makes you see stars.

He starts to get rougher, reaching for his high rather than enjoying as long as he can the feeling of your walls clenching around him. He likes the current situation, you tied up under him and creaming his cock, but you can't stay here much longer.

"Shit, baby," he curses and he bites down on his lip, tilting his head down to look where your two bodies connect. He lifts your skirt over your belly, revealing your pretty cunt to him. "So good for me, so helpless and dumb..." Seeing his dick pounding into your messy pussy makes his cock twitch into you, encouraging him to go even harder, literally destroying you from the inside.

He pins your wrists over your head again and his hand on your neck changes places, fumbling your breast in his palm. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you arch your back, the air becoming constricted, Jimin's own breath fanning across your face and yours hitting his cheek.

Your face feels hot, your breath is heavy and every touch is overwhelming, sending you into a wave of pleasure. His cock sliding in your pussy and brushing against your walls turn you brainless, to a point where you can't form any intelligent thoughts other than ones about Jimin. Your mind is filled with him as well as your cunt, him, the only thing you want.

You moan as the knot in your stomach tightens and he growls as he feels your pussy sucking in him. "I love you, Jimin, please..." You cry in pleasure, words of affection the only thing you can think of right now. "Love you," you repeat quietly and he forces himself to look back at you, seeing the beautiful pearls falling over your cheekbones, sliding down the side of your face.

His heart melts, soft eyes meeting yours and he smiles sweetly at you. No matter how much he wants to destroy your little body and mark it as his, showing to everybody that you're his property, your desperation will always make him weak.

"I love you too, sweetheart," he says back, not hesitating to show you his love. "I love my pretty baby so much." He kisses your neck, trailing his plushy lips over your shivering skin, leaving feathery kisses all over you. He hides his face in the crook of your neck while he drives his dick into you, leading the both of you closer to orgasm.

He likes control, but he likes even more the fact that you love giving it to him because you trust Jimin, your boyfriend. This is how it goes, how it's supposed to be. You submitting to him, agreeing to leave all of your problems behind to be taken care of by him. This is how you want it, how you need it.

"Together, please," you request and you feel him smiling against your neck, butterflies erupting in your belly. "Minnie," you insist and his hips go slower.

He raises his head and hovers above you. "My pretty baby wants to cum with me?" He teases and you nod repeatedly, pouting. "That's what you want, yeah?" He tilts his head to the side, eyes glinting mischievously, but also lovingly. He can't help finding your neediness cute and attractive, especially when he's supposed to take advantage of you.

"Yes, wanna cum with you, please, Jimin..." You whine, but you know he'll do what you're asking him for.

"Of course, baby," he agrees, even though he had no intention in refusing you. "Of course..." He says again in a whisper, sneaking his hand between your bodies, reaching your engorged and pulsating clit.

You gasp when his rough digit finds your sensitive bud of nerves, immediately moving it from side to side. He regains his pace rapidly, playing with your puffy clit while he fucks his cock into you to get himself off as well. You moan softly, his favourite sound at this point, and tightens your thighs around his waist.

Since you're very aroused, your orgasm is really near and it doesn't take much that you already feel it coming at full speed. You clench around him and buck your hips upwards, everything becoming messier and louder.

The sound of his balls slapping against your ass accompanies your whines and his grunts, forgetting the sole purpose of your intercourse; playing for the camera. But it's not much of a matter anymore when all you can think about is his girth drilling into your hole like you're nothing but a sexual object for him to use.

Jimin doesn't think about it either, fucking you in the forest like it's a recurrent occasion. Playing with the illusion of taking something he's not allowed to, doing an act completely selfish, yet you're letting him to, so how wrong is it?

"Close... I'm close," you warn Jimin, squirming under him because the stimulation is too strong, you can't stay in place. You pull on your wrists, frustrated you can't hold onto him.

He feels his balls tightening and he's close too. "Me too, baby, fu-uck," he responds, toying with your clitoris, moving his finger as fast as he can so you can have your orgasms at the same time. "Ready to cum for me? Hm?"

You hum in affirmation, nodding your head along. He nuzzles your neck again, kissing your flesh lovingly as you hear his moans against your ear. The last strand holding you back finally breaks and you cum, shaking like a leaf under him. You cry out his name, helplessly trying to hold onto something, only finding the grass to grip on.

It's then that Jimin quickly follows you, thighs trembling as he ejaculates deep into your cunt. His cock twitches a couple of times, painting your walls white in his seeds. "Fuck, baby," he groans, his hot breath hitting the side of your face.

Little droplets fall from his tip when he pulls out and he strokes himself briefly to milk his cock dry. You feel his hot cum dripping down from your pussy as you still clench repeatedly from your previous orgasm, pulse beating really fast.

Jimin watches his cum falling out of you and he picks it up by sliding his mushroom head through your folds, collecting the white substance on it. He pushes his head back in slightly, making you whimper in overstimulation.

He straddles your body and settles over your chest, his cock hovering over your face. You open your mouth and lick the remains off his pretty penis, slowly softening in his hand. He pats your hair appreciatively, smiling as you're doing a good job at cleaning the mess he made.

"Good girl... Such a good, pretty girl," he praises and you bat your eyelashes at him innocently. He glances toward the truck where his phone is still recording then back at you. "What about we head home now, hm? You deserve to relax, you must be really tired."

He gets off of you, zipping himself back up before untying your hands and helping you stand up on your wobbly legs. He kisses you on the lips and replaces your hair in place, even though it stays a mess.

"Yes, good idea."

✧˖*°࿐

Jimin has been your boyfriend for three months now and you sometimes still can't believe it. You've never been in a serious relationship before and you hope this one will last very long because you love him a lot.

He's really kind with you, always so understanding and just the perfect boyfriend you could've ever had. You're not afraid to be yourself with him and it's something you didn't allow yourself to be before him.

But since you're together, you really think this is a new you. A girl more confident in herself as well as happier and healthier. A relationship can do so much good to someone and you think this is what it's doing to you; a lot of good. And it's refreshing to be able to love a person so openly and they love you in return.

You've had sex a few times already, and right now it's about to happen again. You're really bothered by something, though and you can't get it out of your head. You want to share it with Jimin, but you're afraid of how he may react.

You trust him, so you decide to tell him.

"Minnie, wait..." You softly interrupt him, pushing on his shoulders. He stops his kisses and looks at you, wondering if he did something wrong. Of course, he didn't, as always.

You sit up on your bed so he pushes himself off of you, sitting in front of you. "Is everything alright, baby? Did I hurt you?" He asks and you laugh because he could have never hurt you, he's always so soft and gentle as if you're a vase he's scared to break.

"No, no, everything's fine, I just..." You look down at your lap, playing with your fingers nervously. "I just want to tell you- well, ask you something," you announce, not hesitating more if you really want to tell him what you have had on your mind for a pretty long time.

He pulls you by your legs and you gasp, not expecting him to bring you closer. He passes your legs over his lap, making you sit both side by side on the bed. You smile shyly, still avoiding his intense gaze.

"Tell me, I want to hear everything you have to say," he encourages you and it makes you feel better about yourself. Jimin won't judge you, he couldn't anyway if he wanted to. In his eyes, you can do nothing wrong.

"Okay, well, it's about... sex," you confess and hearing the word from your mouth makes him smile. He never looks away from you, seeing your eyebrows frown as you're thinking about your next words.

"Yeah? Anything that might interest me?" He says teasingly, placing an arm around your waist, gently caressing your body.

"It interests me, but you, I don't know. That's why I want to ask you," you explain and finally glance up at him, locking eyes with him.

"I see," he hums. "Then tell me, sweetheart. I'm sure I'll be into it." He winks at you and you roll your eyes, even though you crack a smile.

"So, umm, I really like it when you... dominate me," you say quietly, a little ashamed, but still confident enough to tell him everything. You don't express your sexual desires often, so it feels uncomfortable, but you trust Jimin with your whole heart. "You already know it, but it's just that I'd like you to control me... more."

A small crease appears between Jimin's eyebrows. "More? You want me to be rough?" He strokes your arm, showing you that you really can tell him everything. He's here to listen to you.

You shake your head, looking to the side again. "No, even though I wouldn't mind, but I like it when you're gentle," you answer. "What I mean is... I want you to... to rape me," you mumble the three last words, feeling your face heat up in embarrassment.

He raises up his eyebrows at your confession, totally surprised, but not at all repulsed or disgusted. He never thought about it before, never thought it could be your thing.

"It wouldn't be really that since it's what I want! But... I just like the idea of it," you quickly explain, seeing how taken back he looks by what you fantasize about. "I know it sounds... weird. I'll understand if it's not-"

He cuts you off, immediately reassuring you. "No, no, baby... Don't say that." He strokes your hair delicately, not wanting you to talk bad about yourself. "If you want it, I want it," he says and your eyes widen, sparkling.

"Really? Because you don't have to, you know," you worry again, but Jimin doesn't want to hear it.

"Shh, I'll do anything my pretty baby wants," he promises and your stomach flutters.

He removes your legs from his lap and gets on top of you, resuming what you've stopped earlier. He kisses you and slowly brings his plushy lips lower on your face, pecking your jaw then the side of your neck. You're rapidly overwhelmed by his touch, finding it hard to breathe and to even think.

"Want me to stretch this cunt out, baby?" He questions between kisses, his hands already lowering your jeans over your thighs and bringing your panties with them. "Ruin it so you're completely useless to anyone else beside me..." He sings against your ear and you completely love it.

You pass your arms around his shoulders, smelling his soft odour that always reassures you. He doesn't bother to prepare you, which makes your stomach twist, a new sentiment taking over you. He reaches his belt, unzipping and unbuttoning his pants to free his cock out.

"Gonna take good care of you, sweetheart." His dick slaps against his stomach when it springs out of his boxers and you whine, breath caught in your throat. "Need me to rape you so you know you're mine," he says and you shudder at his vulgar words.

How can he be so sweet and so willing to pretend to be taking advantage of you, you don't know, but that's exactly what you wanted.

You really, really love Jimin.

✧˖*°࿐

He hears soft and quiet moans coming out of the bedroom, which caught his attention. He's satisfied to notice the door half open, a small crack letting him see what's happening inside. Camera in hand, Jimin walks up to the bedroom's door and brings the recording device up to his face.

He pushes the door slightly enough so the camera can capture the inside of the room. He smirks when he discovers you humping your teddy bear, moving your hips frantically against the plushie. You rub your pussy on it, panties drenched in your wetness.

You don't realize that Jimin is entering the bedroom, looking at you on the camera's screen. You gasp in surprise when you see him in front of you, the lens pointing at you. You blink up and bite down on your lip, continuing to hump the poor teddy bear.

Since you're settled down close to the edge of the bed, Jimin takes a hold of your face, angling it correctly so it faces the camcorder. "What are you doing, princess?" He asks, keeping your head still and watching you rut your hips against the plushie between your thighs.

"Aah, daddy, I'm- I'm..." You let out a breathy moan, too lost in your ecstasy to give him a proper response. "Can't stop," you say as he passes his thumb over your bottom lip and you gently close your mouth around it.

Another moan makes you part your lips, opening your mouth so your little noises can escape it, to Jimin's pleasure. It makes you look dumb, his thumb pressing down on your tongue, drool coating it and falling from the corner of your mouth.

"Can't stop rubbing your little cunnie on teddy?" You shake your head from side to side, eyes locked with his, but he soon lingers his gaze down on your form, watching closely the way you hump the stuffed toy. "Mmh, what a dirty girl you are, baby... Pleasuring yourself in front of daddy."

He takes his digit out of your mouth and traces your cheek with it, spreading your own spit on your face. You whine louder as you rock your hips faster, breath heavy and heart beating excitedly inside your rib cage.

"It feels good, doesn't it? Your panties are all soaked," he growls, placing his palm over your throat. He senses you gulping before answering, parting your lips to talk, but an obscene moan is heard instead. "What's gotten you so wet, baby?" Jimin questions, grinning as you look totally braindead.

"Was thinking about daddy," you babble out, clenching your thighs around the teddy bear.

You seem even more stupid through the camera and Jimin licks his lips as he looks at the screen, veins apparent on his arm that is choking you. His cock twitches in his pants, feeling a little bit too restrained in them.

"Yeah? My baby girl was thinking about me? What were those thoughts about..." He asks while he zooms in on your face, then lowers down to your crotch. You don't wear anything except for your flimsy pair of underwear, completely soiled in your juices.

He records how your pussy rubs against the face of the stuffed bear, your small hands holding the plushie in place between your thighs.

"Just- just daddy's... pretty cock and body," you giggle, your mind going wild as you remember the scenery you were imagining before he entered. Jimin's eyes snap up to you when you say those filthy words, pupils dilated and gaze darkening. "Cum all over my face... Fucking me over and over again," you smile, trying to look innocent, but it doesn't work at all.

"You dirty, dirty girl..." He tells you and gives you a carnivorous smile, letting you know that he isn't going to treat you as an innocent little girl like you pretend to be. "Is that what you want? You want your step daddy to fuck your little hole? Your ass, maybe?" He talks to you behind the camera, only emphasizing how dominant he is and how submissive you are. "You're so fucking gross."

You pout at that, slowing the pace of your hips. "No, no, I'm not!" You whine, fake crying. Jimin focuses the camera on you again, filming you completely ravaged in your own lust. "I can't help it, I love daddy too much... He makes me feel real...ly good," you tremble and have more difficulty speaking, the tingles in your tummy getting stronger.

He can never resist you when you express your feelings like that. So cute and stupid, he's the only one who can take care of you. The only one who will never abuse you, never, unless you ask for it.

"Awh, baby," he coos, letting go of your neck to pat your hair delicately. "I love you, too." He strokes your cheek, making you purr and bat your eyelashes at him. "Very, very much..." He emphasizes, fire erupting in your belly. "Wanna show to daddy how much you love him?"

At that, your eyes widen and you excitedly nod your head. Then, reluctantly, Jimin grips the teddy bear and removes it from between your legs. He throws it to the side and reaches for his fly. He undoes the button and tucks his zipper down swiftly, you looking at his crotch intently.

He angles the camcorder down and you interrupt him in his actions, avidly lowering his pants as well as his boxers down his thighs. His cock almost slaps you in the face when it bounces up and you can't hold in your little giggles. You look at it as if it's one of the wonders of the world, the greatest prize you've ever obtained.

Jimin takes his dick in his hand, giving it one stroke before hitting your lips with the tip. You let yourself be toyed with, enjoying it a lot, and you open your mouth to stick your tongue out. He uses the opportunity you offer him to slap his dick against your wet, pink muscle.

"Hmm, you shouldn't have teased daddy like that, princess," he states, thrusting in your mouth, but only putting the tip in, teasing you in return. "Make me wanna do nasty things to you... worse than anything you could ever imagine," he says in a low voice, trapping his bottom lip between his teeth.

You stay still, blinking up at Jimin who's totally dominating you right now. He controls you and the camera at the same time, turning you into a complete mess, into a stupid girl who can't think for herself with a cock in her mouth.

Your purse your lips and he taps the head against your lips. He tilts his head slightly to the side, as if he's analyzing you, watching you curiously as you lick his cock with adoration. You let out little moans, making you look more submissive and making Jimin more aroused.

"Open your mouth," he orders and you execute yourself immediately. He doesn't wait to enter your mouth, it expands to the size of his girth as he pushes his cock in. He takes a handful of your hair, gripping on it tighter as he thrusts gradually in.

Your eyes start to water since he takes his time to penetrate your mouth, going in painfully slow, grunting as he does so. You focus on your gag reflex, keeping your tongue flat underneath him. You hollow your cheeks and he finally reaches the bottom of your throat, tip hitting the back of it.

You look at him and he looks at you. You wait for him to start fucking your throat, but he pulls out at once, holding your head by your hair. You breathe out through your mouth, swallowing to soothe your sore throat. It stings, but you manage to regain a normal breath.

"You take my cock so well," he praises and his grip on your hair loosens, giving a break to your scalp. "You really do love me, huh?"

You nod right away, wiping the drool that fell from your mouth off your chin with your hand. Jimin smiles at that, giving you small taps on your cheek, indicating that you'll change positions.

To your surprise, he hands you the camera. "There." You take it from him, holding it with your two hands. "Lay down and make some space for me, m'kay, baby? Daddy will give you what you want," he commands and you move back, laying your back against the mattress like he told you to.

You keep the camcorder up with your shaky hands, trying to adjust it so the image is clear. You get distracted by Jimin who crawls to you, settling himself between your legs. He flashes you a smile before undressing you from your soiled panties, throwing them on the bedroom's floor. You film him as best as you can with trembling hands and arms.

You gasp when his head finds a spot just over your pussy, feeling his hot breath on your private parts. "Dad-daddy," you breathe out shakily, having him so close to your cunt arouses you so much. "Are you going to... to eat my ... cunnie?" You question shyly, but you're very excited. You already feel yourself clenching around nothing.

He passes his arms around your thighs, legs over his shoulders. "Is that what you want, baby girl? Want me to suck on your little clit?" He asks, knowing pertinently that's what you're waiting for.

"Yes, please," you mewl, arching your back when you feel his mouth on you. You try to record him, but it's really difficult with Jimin's tongue on your cunt. You wonder how he does it because you can't stop squirming around. "Aaah, Jimin..." You moan his name almost instantly, the tingles he sends through your body are just so good.

His lips are wrapped around your bud of nerves and he sucks it fervently, eliciting sweet moans and whines from you. You keep the camera on him, watching him lick and munch on your pussy through the screen, absolutely loving the view of Jimin's mouth on your bare pussy.

"Daddy, it feels so good, I won't- I..." Your next words are never said as he plunges two fingers in your hole, scissoring your insides. He keeps sucking your clit and it turns you delirious, unable to think straight.

Jimin stops sucking, but he still pumps his fingers into you, curling them so he can pat your sweet spot. "Baby, stop moving so much, the recording's going to be impossible to watch after," he softly warns you, pulling your arms back up a little so it can capture him eating you out. "I know you like daddy's mouth on your cunnie, but you have to focus."

"Sorry, Minnie," you cry out because it's so hard to concentrate on something other than Jimin. "But I'm really close," you say, feeling the fire at the pit of your stomach growing.

"I don't want to hear any excuses," he scolds, circling your clit with his thumb while he's talking to you. "Be a good girl for me, okay, princess?" He stares at you and raises up his eyebrows to emphasize his words. You know better than to disobey him anyway.

You nod and a little pout appears on your lips, trying to control yourself. "Yes, daddy," you accept and he's back at licking your sensitive bud until you're just a brainless girl under him.

You moan as he fingers your pussy, your wetness dripping down to your ass. His fingers are so coated in your arousal that he can thrust them in without any restrain, sliding in smoothly while he presses his tongue down on your clit, moving it from side to side rapidly.

Jimin always knows what to do and his techniques are the best, making you cum quicker than when you masturbate. You do your best to film him, framing his blond head of hair buried between your plushy thighs. You can't help but moan at the sight, gripping his hair between your fist.

Your other hand shakily records the action and you can hear your sweet moans coming from behind the camera. "Minnie, I'm cumming!" You announce out loud, literally suffocating him between your thighs by tightening them around his head.

Your orgasm passes through you intensively, making you buck your hips in his face. He keeps his tongue on you, flicking it over your clitoris to help you go through your high. You pull on strands of hair, making him groan and you feel the vibration of his voice on your cunt.

He spreads your legs apart so he can escape them, even though he could've stayed between them all day. "Good girl, baby, such a good girl," he purrs, stroking your thighs to help you calm down a little bit.

You have no energy left, but you know that he's not finished with you. He kneels and you can see just how hard his cock is, it looks really painful.

You forget the camera and just let it fall on the bed, hypnotized by Jimin. "Daddy," you call him hastily, extending your arms toward him to reach him. You embrace him and he circles your little body with his strong arms, rubbing your face on his chest.

"Princess, it's okay, everything's fine," he comforts you, kissing your hair lovingly. He pulls you off of him and delicately lays you back down on the bed. "I'm here, I'm not going away." He kisses your cheek next before reaching for the camera again.

He sets it on the nightstand by the bed, turning it around so it captures the both of you. He removes his shirt by tugging on the collar, your heart beating faster at the sight of his beautiful chest.

"Can you turn around for me, baby girl?" You whine, disappointed that you won't be able to look at him longer. You turn round nonetheless, stomach against the mattress. "Good girl," he approves of your obedience.

You feel his hand caressing your back, going up to your shoulders then down to your ass. He gropes one cheek, palming it and kneading it in his veiny hand. You mewl, looking behind your shoulder to watch him play with you.

"Do you want more, hm?" He wonders as he explores your naked skin, touching it and groping your flesh in a tight grip. "Do I need to give you more so you stop thinking about daddy in such a filthy way?"

You moan when he spanks your ass, just the right intensity to feel your skin burn deliciously. You want to say that it'd take way more than that and no matter how hard he fucks you, you'll never stop thinking about him. You'd say the truth, but you understand that in these situations, nothing resembles reality.

"Yes, daddy, punish me for it..." You beg him, twisting the bedsheets between your fists. You don't have to ask him twice.

He groans and leans over you, his lips right beside your ear. "You fucking slut," he whispers, making you shudder intensively. "You don't even realize what you're asking for." He's being mean, but it only adds on to the pleasure. He knows what he's doing.

Jimin slowly penetrates you, settling himself in the comfort of your warm pussy. You whine out loud, enduring a painful but sweet stretch of your cunt by his fat cock. His hands are beside your shoulders, finally bottoming out until his hips are flushed against your ass. He lets out a moan, a long and aching one.

"Fuck, your tight little pussy feels so good, baby," he moans in your ear, shivers running on your skin as his cock fills you up entirely. "So perfect for daddy, princess... You were made for me," he affirms, completely honest. He believes it firmly and the way your cunt sucks him in just proves it.

"Was made for you..." You mumble out, repeating his words, agreeing with him because he's always right. He starts hard and has clearly no intention to go slower anytime soon.

You're getting fucked mercilessly right away and there's no way you can persuade him to go easy on you. That's not what you want anyway. You want him to destroy you, use you like you're worth nothing more than a sex toy.

Destroying is a strong word, but you like to think about it that way. If Jimin decides to ruin you, he'd be able to repair you after because deep down, you know he loves you and you love him. There's nothing love can't fix and just for that reason, you'd let him break you over and over again until you have nothing left but him.

He thrusts into you with a regular and intense pace, reaching deep each time his pelvis meets your butt. His own pleasure is intoxicating, making his hips stutter as his self-control is becoming less and less reliable.

He grips your throat from below, levelling your head up from the bed and forcing you to arch your back. "How does it feel, baby?" He murmurs beside your ear, his voice low and raspy, making you roll your eyes back into your skull. "Mmh? How does it feel to have your pretty cunt split in half by daddy?" He growls, sinking his nails into the skin of your neck.

Tears fall down from your eyes at how intense everything feels, Jimin taking your breath away just by pounding his dick into your pussy as if he has never hated someone more than you. It's ironic how you desire him to do that to you while asking him to love you as much as you love him. But he does and that's why you'll never find someone else like him because nobody could do the things he does for you.

"Amazing, daddy, it feels- it... it feels-" you gasp when you recognize the familiar tingle in your belly, the tingle that lets you know you're very close to cum around Jimin's dick. "So, so good..." You continue, breathless.

"Yeah, you like that? Fuck," he curses under his breath. "I like it too, princess," he admits, leaving a sweet and wet kiss on your cheek, collecting a tear of yours on his lips by the same occasion.

Your sweet spot is being martyrized by his cock, pussy pulsating around his length and you start shaking under him. "Gonna cum, Minnie," you quickly say and it makes him groan against your ear even louder.

He lets go of your throat, but only to shove you against the mattress. He keeps a hand on your head so you can't move it, obligated to face the camera that you forgot about. "Then do it, baby," he tells you almost too sweetly, still driving his dick into you. "Show me again how much you love me."

It's as if his words have an immediate response on you because soon after you cream his cock with your cum, clenching around him repeatedly until his movements are altered by it.

"Fuck, yes, baby, just like that..." He moans and his cock twitches inside of you, indicating that he'll cum, too. At this point, you firmly believe that you're both connected because you don't have to ask anymore, he'll orgasm at the same time as you.

With a last groan, he shoots his cum so deep into you you think for a moment that you'll become pregnant with his child even if you're on a contraceptive. You stay under him totally unable to move, too tired to even speak, only whines coming out of you as he empties himself inside your messy cunt.

"Shit," he breathes out, gasping for air. Strands of blond hair are sticking to his forehead and he licks his lips, moisturizing them.

He reaches for the camcorder and closes the screen, stopping the recording.

✧˖*°࿐

You have no idea how it ended up like this, but it did and it hurts. It hurts badly. Something happened, but it was so fast and unpredictable, nobody knew how to react. The inevitable has happened and you can't go back into the past.

It's one of those situations where you constantly ask yourself why did you do that, why didn't you do this instead of that. Just why. Why you and not someone else.

There's nothing more cruel and painful than to ruminate about the past. Nothing more hurtful than regrets because you can do nothing about them.

Why did you both hurt each other? The simple thought of being away from you makes him suffer, so why? It's self-hatred at this point, he thinks, but why would he hurt himself if it means hurting you, too. So many questions and yet, nobody dares to talk to the other.

Who will break first? Who will be the last to give up?

Both? Neither? You or him?

How bad can it be to stay away from the love of your life, from the only person that will ever satisfy you, to ever worship you. It can be really bad, in fact, it can even turn into a nightmare. Or it can be totally good, it depends on how you see it.

A wild fire will burn an entire forest, but it gives birth to a new fertile land after.

What's wrong and right, then? You don't know and it must be why this relationship is so important to you. There's no wrong and right. There's a middle and you'll always stand between because that's how it works the best.

You walk along the hallway, eyeing his apartment door as you approach it slowly with each step you take. The numbers on his door grow and grow until you finally face it. You think about it, probably the first time you reflect before doing anything that concerns Jimin.

It never felt so improper to knock on his door. What will you say? What if he doesn't answer or closes the door on you? Would he refuse to talk to you? Maybe, maybe not. You don't know.

You take a deep breath and knock, now feeling much more anxious than when you entered his apartment building. Nothing happens until you hear shuffling behind the door and feet stepping on the floor, the doorknob turning hastily.

Your heart beats faster and you find yourself shaking, gulping uncomfortably. You look in front of you, preparing yourself to see him, lay your eyes on him after what felt like weeks — months, even.

It felt like hell, honestly. Maybe that's why you don't know how much time passed by because there's no time in hell, there's only suffering.

The door opens and he's there, standing before you. Your heart skips a beat when you notice how awful he looks and you feel the pain, the atrocious pain he went through. You thought you were the first one to break, but clearly, you weren't.

His eyes are all red and it looks like he's been crying for days, probably even more. He has huge black circles under his eyes and they are really puffy. His last tears must have hurt badly when they fell down, you tell yourself.

His nose is red, as well as his cheeks. His lips are sealed in a straight line, even when he sees you. No emotions pass through his eyes, but his appearance contradicts this fact because it's evident he's been overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings these past few days. He's surely tired, he has cried enough and his eyes can't produce any water anymore.

"Hi," you manage to breathe out, swallowing when he doesn't budge an inch. "Can I... Can I enter?" You stutter out and you wait anxiously for his answer, but none comes except him stepping aside to let you in.

You let out a quiet 'thank you' and enter his apartment. He closes the door behind you, and even though the place is extremely familiar to you, having been here numerous times, you stand uselessly in the entry.

He doesn't move much as well, hiding his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants. He looks at you and you look back at him, but you're the only one who desperately needs him to say something, anything. After all, you're the one who came to him, so you're the one who has to speak first, but it's so difficult.

"Are you... okay?" You ask, trying to make small talk, to revive the flame between you two that used to be so bright. You quickly realize that your question is stupid and you're only worsening the already awkward situation.

You're still really worried about him. You hope he didn't start any unhealthy habits, like you did. He probably stopped eating knowing him, whereas you ate day and night until the simple thought of food made you puke.

He rolls his eyes, certain that you know the answer. It's obvious just by looking at him. "What do you think? Do I look okay to you?" He replies sarcastically, shaking his head and chuckling without an ounce of laughter behind his voice.

You step forward, seeking some intimacy with him, but you don't move further. "No, no... That's why I asked," you justify yourself, fidgeting on your fingers because you don't know what to do with your hands. "I've never wanted the... the fight to end like that," you confess, looking away from him, but lifting your gaze up again when you hear him exhale.

His eyes are glossy and the corners of his lips tug downward. He glances to the side, avoiding your eyes, trying to hide the fact that he's about to cry, again. He blinks and that's when a tear rolls down his face, hanging on his jaw.

"Me neither." He looks back at you and your heart breaks into a thousand pieces. "We have to hurt each other, don't we?" He questions, but you don't really understand what he means by that. "To know if the other really loves us," he says, voice not as strong as usual.

You frown. Do you have to hurt each other for that? It's not like you're afraid to say those three words and he never hesitates to say them back. Maybe it's to prove it because what do they mean if you're never showing a true proof of your love.

"But we do love each other, I don't understand..." You whisper, taking another step forward.

"There's nothing to understand," he explains. "It's what happens when you love too much... too obsessively." His words confuse you because they're heavy, strong of meaning and he can't say that without giving further explanation. "You shred apart the last thing you have, the most precious you've ever possessed."

You can't stand there any longer, and you close the distance that is separating you from each other. He looks down at you while you look up at him, heart heavy with your emotions and his as well. You're the most precious thing he has and because his love surpasses everything he has ever felt in his life, he can't control it. He can't control his love from growing into something obsessive and sickly.

"I love you, Jimin," you affirm strongly, not allowing him to ever doubt it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted like that. There's nothing else in the world that I feel more guilty about, I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Kind and sweet, that's what you are and he tries to be like that as well, especially to you. It's how you perceive him, but your short break up made him realize things. He can't be without you anymore, he has to have you, to possess you. He'd simply die if he doesn't have you.

He eyes you down, gaze hurtful and sad, as well as something else, something you've never seen in him before. "It doesn't matter," he says, grabbing your bicep. He pulls you in closer, his face hovering just above yours. "Do you love me?"

You frown again, confused that he's asking you this question after you've proudly said you do. "Of course I do, I love-" But that's not what he wants to hear. He has to be clearer.

He cuts you off, shaking his head. "No. Do you love me the way I do?" He rectifies, looking intensely at you, hoping his love isn't wrong or sick. Hoping you feel the same so he knows he's not crazy.

"What... what do you mean?" You breathe out shakily, keeping eye-contact with him, slightly becoming afraid of him.

"I want you to be mine," he whispers, his icy breath hitting your cheek, making you shiver. "Not because we're a couple, but because I sincerely believe that you were made for me, only me," he admits, finally suppressing this heavy weight his heart was carrying since the day he met you.

You're not really surprised to hear that from him. It's something he says a lot during sex, how your body fits so well with his and how he's the only person capable of satisfying you. You've never thought it was more than just a talk, more than things he says to turn you on.

You're his and that's a fact, but how deep does he mean it? It's not like you've never imagined your future with him, being his girlfriend forever. But again, at what point does he want to possess you? Romantically, intimately... or physically?

"We're meant to be together and I know you believe it, too," he tries to convince you and there's no need to because you don't see yourself with somebody who isn't him. "I'd do anything to have you, even if it means going against you," he confesses and his lips are so close to yours.

It distracts you from the true meaning of his last words, and maybe it's better like this. You don't respond to his question either and you don't know if you could answer it anyway.

But before his lips can touch yours, he turns you around and pins you against the wall. You let out a squeak, feeling like you were lured in a trap. You're stuck between your boyfriend and the wall adjacent to the front door.

"Jimin," you mutter, your heart starting to beat faster. "What are you doing?" Your body is telling you that there is a danger, activating your stress hormones, making you shake, sweat and cry.

He sticks his chest to your back with a lot of insistence, leaving no room for you to move or to breathe. "Claiming what's mine," he answers curtly, pulling your pants and panties down your thighs very gently.

You're not wet and prepared yet and it makes you stress even more, but you've done that with him before. The simple thought of it makes your clit throb, so you should be good.

It doesn't take him long to take his penis out, stroking it behind you so it grows fully hard. You feel him touching himself against your ass and you look behind your shoulder, watching him run his palm up and down his cock.

He grips your hip with the other hand and kisses the side of your face, being lovely, as always. "Baby, are you going to please me?" He murmurs, feeling his plump lips brushing against your skin.

Your eyes water, but none of your tears will equal the amount of pain he felt during your break up. You feel sorry, and if he wants you, he will have you. "Yes, Jimin, I will..."

"Okay, then take a deep breath, sweetheart," he advises and that's when you feel the head of his cock pushing in, forcing an entrance for him.

You gasp loudly, tears appearing in the corners of your eyes. You form fists with your hands, a wave of pain going through your body. You're not used to suffering during such an intimate moment with Jimin, but you can't dislike it at the same time.

"M-Minnie," your voice breaks down in a sob, letting your sweet boyfriend penetrate you solely because he wants to. When he's half-way in, he lets go of his cock to pass his arms around your waist, hugging from behind and kissing the burning skin of your face, damped by your tears.

"Shhh, you're being such a good girl right now," he coos, still pushing in and stretching out your cunt to the size of his girth. It burns, but you also clench around him, aroused by the way he's manhandling you. "My pretty baby..." He sings in your ear and you feel him smile, leaving soft and feathery kisses all over your skin that is exposed to him.

He whimpers when he's all in the way in your pussy, finally being where he belongs. You feel him exhale, his breath fanning across your face. He swallows hard before he picks up a comfortable pace, fucking his dick into you while keeping your back flushed against his chest.

"I want you with me forever, baby," he says in a low tone, so close to you that you feel every breath he takes. "Forever..." He repeats, so you don't forget, so you know he's really sincere.

You whine, the pleasure starting to mix in with the stinging pain. His arms circles you, keeps you safe and warm. Mentally, you feel great, maybe a little bit too much and that's why the tears keep flowing even though he's not hurting you anymore.

"I will, Minnie," you whisper back, making him groan. He likes hearing it from you, likes knowing you love him unconditionally, that you'd never question his feelings for you.

Why question when you're sure he'd kiss your fever away, dance with you and make you fall in love over and over again. There's no point in leaving when he's the only safe place you have, the only lover you'll ever have and the only person who would do anything for you. Leaving is not an option, not even conceivable when you know you'll never find someone better than him.

"You will? Oh, baby," he mewls, thrusting in your pussy slowly, at a rhythm that is almost agonizing, making you lose your mind. "I love you," he says painfully, holding you tighter. "Love you so much, you have no idea..." He mutters the last four words, rolling his hips against your ass, his cock sliding in just so perfectly.

You don't respond, but it doesn't bother Jimin. You don't have enough breath to answer anyway and you don't have all of your mind right now. He finds your clit and quickly circles it with his finger. You understand he's close and that he wants you to cum around him at the same time as him.

He buries his face into your hair, growling as his balls tighten the more he pounds into your pussy. "Shit," he breathes out, trying to control himself and to not cum too early, but he missed your cunt too much. "I'm gonna fill you up with my cum and you gonna take it like a good girl, okay, baby?" He instructs and you nod immediately, swallowing in a whine.

You moan loudly when your orgasm shoots through you, pussy contracting around Jimin's cock. It makes him moan too, deep and raspy, rocking his hips against your butt to reach his high as well. The overstimulation doesn't feel great, but you stay quiet, only whining from his hard thrusts.

You struggle to stand still on your legs, but he holds you to him with his strong arms and you place your hands over his that are resting on your belly. Your face is squished against the wall as Jimin fucks you restlessly.

"Oh, fuck, I'm cumming," he announces hastily, and he does. A lot. You feel him filling you up with his seeds while he groans against your ear, making you roll your eyes into your head.

As he empties himself into your cunt, he keeps his pace, fucking his own cum into you. It gets messy really fast, dripping down your inner thighs that are close to each other since your pants are still hanging on over your thighs.

He has difficulty moving in you, so he pulls out, gripping his cock to stroke it angrily. He cums on your ass, white ropes falling on your bottom. You whimper, watching him over your shoulder milking himself dry above your butt. Small white beads come out of his tip, landing on you, and he's finally done, trying to catch his breath.

He raises his gaze up to you and his eyes are still red and puffy, like yours, eyelashes wet from your previous tears. He turns you around, making you face him, and he crashes his mouth on yours. Your tongues tangle together, he bites your lip, assaulting your flesh with his teeth. It's short, but feverish, as intense as the beating of your heart.

He ends the kiss, laying his forehead on yours. He looks in your eye, this simple exchange meaning everything, sealing both of your souls together. You are one once and for all.

✧˖*°࿐

.

.

.

Do not ask for a part 2.

[crystaldust]

If you're feeling stuck with non dualism, this might be able to help you

warning: long post

You get into this philosophy and you see bloggers advice to just claim everything as "not yours, not your problem" and move on with your day. What I'm realizing recently is that maybe not everyone can start off doing that, at least I certainly couldn't.

I believe what they mean by claiming thoughts as not yours is to leave the mind alone so that it can become quiet, as encouraged by Lester in his book. But what he also says is that doing that can be really difficult sometimes if your subconscious is filled with opposing feelings and thoughts to what you'd like to have in your life. So he advised to clear some of that subconscious heavy weight before trying to quiet the mind. (You can read more about this here)

And here's the big breakthrough for me: learning about the Sedona Method and practices of letting go of subconscious beliefs. I went ahead and found more material on it (you can access everything here), I've read some of it and started to apply it.

Now I had been practicing introspection for over a year so I am acutely aware of most of my subconscious issues (which make up this ego's identity in the world) but what I realized was that even though I had been aware of these self issues for a long time, I never tried to let go of them. I've had attached myself to them, claimed them to be my identity, they made me who I was.

With this new knowledge on how to let go, I started to try it out, everytime i felt bad or encountered unwanted circumstances, I'd try my best not to suppress the feelings or thoughts that would come up. Then I started to ask myself "Can I let go of this?" or "Can I let this be / Can I be ok with it?" and if I got an answer of "no" I'd then ask "Why not?" and immediately I'd see that it was just because that's how it is for the ego, it's a habitual pattern. And by now I already know that memory and continuity are part of the ego illusion so there's no real standing for these patterns to be in place. I just kept them there because I didn't know better.

The more I practiced letting go in this way, the easier it got and now I'm at a place where the mind is starting to naturally grow quieter. I'm not even asking those questions as much anymore, I immediately recognize what's happening and I let it be, whatever it is. It is also easier for me to do self-inquiry now and sometimes I catch myself wanting to focus on finding out my true nature rather than indulging the ego and it's never ending cycle of desiring and suffering.

The ego still wants to think and overanalyze everything, running in circles, but I have this knowing sense that it's useless, there's no point in thinking about anything. I still am experiencing the ego's life just as before but now I am being able to detach, to say "not me, not my problem" and move on mentally quite quickly. I don't dwell on the bad anymore. It happened to the ego and there's nothing they could have done about it, it is what it is, I don't need to entertain it anymore.

I still acknowledge the ego's desires and fears but I can actually leave it alone now, I KNOW it's not my true self and I'm at peace with it. I feel whatever comes up and then a minute later it's gone and I rarely think about it. I'm able to be more present and live in the moment.

All of this is to say that I had to understand and practice letting go to a degree in order to be able to understand and practice what more advanced bloggers recommend.

Final tips: ♡ Practice introspection, go deep and be honest with yourself. Understand who the ego is, what it feels and believes in, how it gets triggered and why. This will make it easier to make peace with it and let it alone. ♡ Start practicing letting everything happen, and I mean everything, every circumstance, every feeling, every thought. Try to control nothing. You might notice that if you let the ego do it's thing, it will pipe down quite easily. ♡ Remember that every single thing comes from the ego, every thought, every feeling, every fear, every doubt, every desire and every circumstance. And the ego is absolutely helpless in it's pursue. You can't help it, what you can do is accept it and love it unconditionally (you can actually do this!)

Big thanks to @4dkellysworld for turning me in the right direction 💖

[baurbiediv]

just friends, right ..?

jj maybank x fwb!black!reader

content warnings: possessive jj (he’s deadass so mean in this), smutttttttt, unprotected sex, i mean this shit is just a lil nasty 😩

“m’so sorrryy jj!” you cried.

“mm .. it’s too bad, i don’t care.” jj said lowly, focused on pressing you further into the mattress with one hand as his other hand applied more pressure to your clit. your head felt so incredibly heavy, the air inside of his room was thick and sweaty. the only sound rendering was the sound of jj’s grunting and his hips hitting into your ass.

the force of his thrusts threatening to damn near knock the wind out of you, “i don’t understand why you’re closing your eyes when i’m fucking you this good, open your eyes.” jj grumbled, this man was actually insane.

you kept your eyes open as best as you could, you wanted to reach out to him, grab him by his necklace and give him the sloppiest kiss you’d ever experienced.

this wasn’t even your fault, actually. this started all because of a party, you were talking to some guy and you’d guessed that jj was really to fond of the guy (he didn’t know him at all.) jj had been watching the two of you from a distance, waiting to make his entrance when he felt like it.

jj wasn’t your boyfriend, you two weren’t dating, so what the hell was the problem? you were friends with benefits. you wouldn’t lie to yourself, jj was a pretty boy, and he knew that.

and that’s how you ended up under jj, all because someone got possessive over something that really wasn’t his.

jj watched as you held your own legs in the air and he watched ahe thought you looked so pretty like this, goddess braids sprawled out almost perfectly on his pillows. his eyes stuck on where you two connected, the whimpers escaping from your lips being the only sound that he wanted to hear. the blond boy grabbed your jaw, the pace of his hips unrelenting.

“why do you have to entertain other guys when you have me?” jj said, a fake pout adorning his face. if he wasn’t so deep in your guts right now, you would’ve slapped the pout on his face. you watched his hand inch it’s way to your already sensitive clit, his thumb began to rub

“i s-said i was sor-ry!” you gasped when the tip of his dick kissed your cervix. a smirk appearing his face, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. jj tapped your cheek twice, bringing you back to reality. “come on back to reality y/n..” he cooed, grabbing your face as he pressed his lips against yours. “jj..” you breathed out, your fingers tapping faintly on his lower abdomen, signaling your orgasm as close.

jj shook his head, grabbing a handful of your braids and yanking them to the side allowing his better access to your neck. he lowered his body, his lips just barely ghosting the shell of your ear. “now i want you to tell me, who fucks you better than i do?” jj grumbled, his lips leaving kisses just below your ear, you could feel his lips and teeth nipping and biting at the skin on your neck, leaving a few distinct deep purple marks.

“y-you .. ohhhhmygoddd.” before you knew it, your sensitive walls began squeezing around jj, your legs shaking uncontrollably as your orgasm came washing over you. jj moved his head from your neck, his thumb still rubbing at your clit, his other hand up to your mouth while he proceeded to chase his own orgasm, his hips pounding into you, over and over again.

the blond boy above you couldn’t count how many times he’d seen your eyes roll into the back of your head in one night, but it sure was a lot. jj tapped your cheek once more, forcing you to come back to your senses once again, “you must want me to repeat myself.” a couple more harsh thrusts later, jj was emptying himself inside of you, pressing your lips to yours to silence you. your hand subconsciously holding his.

the two of you stayed like that for a moment before he pulls out of you. your legs finally falling back against the bed, your eyes feeling heavy. your cropped tank top disheveled, your shorts and underwear long forgotten about. jj was sitting on the edge of the bed, buttoning his shorts back up, he got up disappearing into the bathroom momentarily, coming back with a rag. he sits next to you, lifting your leg open.

“did you purposely piss me off so i could fuck you like that?” jj questioned.

you rolled your eyes, “jj get over yourself. you know why you did this, you got jealous cause i was talking to some guy.” you huffed before feeling him wipe your inner thighs and your sensitive pussy, which had you whine out loud.

“thought so.”

[galedekarios]

gale's early access dialogue transcripts - part 2 a: the deer stew scene

in early access, gale had two additional major scenes: the deer stew scene and the loss scene, both of which would happen during a long rest at camp.

the scenes in early access usually happened in this order:

-1: first night long rest scene (still in the final game) -2: mirror image scene (still in the final game) -3: deer stew scene (cut content / partially reused in act i) -4: weave scene (still in the final game) -5: loss scene (cut content) -6: tiefling party scene (ea version cut / partially reused in act ii last night alive scene)

the deer stew scene was supposed to show that gale had come to trust the protag throughout their time together and the actions they've taken, like saving arabella and mirkon, or trying to solve the tension between zevlor and aradin.

he would tell them about his condition and reveal that he needs magical artefacts of great power (idol of silvanus, sword of justice, staff of crones, shadow of menzoberranzan, etc.) in order to consume the weave within them to sate said condition. parts of that conversation have been reused and repurposed for the full release version of the game, though now this scene happens while travelling if you progress gale's approval enough.

you can watch a video of the deer stew scene here. below you'll find the transcript of the scene and all its outcomes.

the deer stew scene

Gale: Ah, there you are. How did you enjoy my deer stew this evening? Old family recipe. Protag (Option 1): It was delicious. Gale: Good. I tend to season it with spices from Kara-Tur, but given what's available to us, good old rosemary had to see us through. Not that I mean to regale you with my culinary exploits. Gale: There's, er... Well, there's actually something quite different I'd like to discuss. Protag (Option 2): I didn't have any actually. Gale: Curious time to be dieting. Especially with a chef like myself around. -> Then same as Option 1 Protag (Option 3): Should have kept it in the family. Gale: Can't argue with taste. Or the lack thereof. -> Then same as Option 1

Protag (Option 1): By all means.  Gale: We've been... -> See Option 3 Protag (Option 2): Why so tense all of a sudden? Gale: Some things are easier to explain than others. But first let me say this: We've been... -> See Option 3 Protag (Option 3):  Whatever it is, make it brief. Gale: As you wish. Gale: We've been travelling together for a while now, and during those travels I've been observing you. I want you to know that I like what I see.  The way you handled Nettie when she poisoned you. The way you defused the tension between Zevlor and Aradin. The way you got Kagha to release the girl. The way you saved that boy out of a harpy's clutches. In short: I've grown to trust you.

Protag (Option 1): That's very gratifying to hear  Gale: Now I need you to place your trust in me. Protag (Option 2): Enough of flattery. Where is this going? Gale: An exchange. I expressed my trust in you, now I need you to place your trust in me.  Protag (Option 3): Can't say the feeling's mutual.  Gale: And yet I need you to place your trust in me in turn. Gale: Our journey together is bound to last a while still. As such I feel compelled to speak. I say this because there is something I desperately need, but while I'll tell you what that something is, I won't tell you why. I have to ask you to agree to this before carrying on with this conversation.

Protag (Option 1): Very well, I agree Gale: Thank you. I see I did well to trust you. Now to the matter at hand. You see, I have a... condition. A condition different from the tadpole, but just as deadly. The only way to appease Protag (Option 2): No. It's unfair to demand blind faith in you. Gale: I understand that I'm asking for a lot, but I can't tell you everything. Not yet anyway. Please, reconsider. Protag (Option 3): [Wisdom] You sense secrecy and danger. Use your tadpole to probe Gale's thoughts. [Failure] Gale: I'm afraid that's not going to work on me. Look, I appreciate your curiosity, but don't pursue this path.  Let's agree in actions first and explanations later, yes?

Protag (Option 1):  Fine, have it your  way. / Fine, I reconsider. Tell me what you need.  Gale: Thank you. I see I did well to trust you. Now to the matter at hand... Protag (Option 2): I'm still going to say no. / No, I won't. And that's final. Gale: That's... truly disappointing. I see now that I misjudged you, so we'll dwell on the matter no longer. And at least I know where I stand. This is a part of the journey I must walk alone. Good night. Protag (Option 3): [Wisdom] you sense secrecy and danger. Use your tadpole to probe Gale's thoughts. [Success] Narrator: You become one with Gale's mind and you can feel something sinister oppressing you. It's... inside of you, a mighty darkness radiating from your chest. You could try to push further, but your hold over Gale feels brittle. It won't be easy delving deeper without him noticing. Delve deeper: [Failure] Gale: What are you... You're using the tadpole against me? This is a breach of trust that... And to think I thought you trustworthy in the first place! I'm leaving. I cannot stand to be around such betrayal a moment longer. 

Tav: [Insight] You are in mortal danger twice over. To leave would be foolish, and you are no fool.  [Failure] Gale: I am a fool. A fool to have trusted you. [Gale leaves the party permanently] Delve deeper: [Success] Narrator: You see through Gale's eyes, staring down the corridor of a dread memory. A book, bound, then suddenly opened. Inside there are no pages, only a swirling mass of blackest Weave that pounces. It's teeth, it's claws, it's unstoppable as it digs through you and become part of you. And Gods, is it ever-hungry.

Gale: Keeping me in suspense, are you? Come on, tell me, do we have an agreement or not? It's s simple question, isn't  it? What gives you pause? Protag (Option 1): Yes, I agree. Gale: Thank you. I see I did well to trust you. Now to the matter at hand... Protag (Option 1 / Dependent on Tadpole Use): Risk telling Gale what the tadpole showed you. Gale: What? You used that thing against me? And you saw! After I told you.... This is a breach of trust that... And to think I thought you trustworthy in the first place! I'm leaving. I cannot stand to be around such betrayal a moment longer.  Protag (Option 1): [Persuasion] Be reasonable, Gale. I'm responsible for our party. I had to know.  Gale: [Success] The need remains debatable, but I recognise your responsibility. Perhaps I spoke in haste, it's just that... there are things... things I cannot speak of. Besides, what you saw... You read the opening line of a very big book, no more. The darkness you perceived, that is my primary condition. A condition different from the tadpole, but just as deadly.

Protag (Option 2): [Inisght] You are in mortal danger twice over. To leave would be foolish, and you aren't fool. Gale: [Success] I have to admit, you are right about that. Besides, what you saw... Gale: [Failure] I am a fool. A fool to have trusted you. This is where we part ways. Protag (Option 3): So be it. Gale: So be it. This is where we part ways.

Gale: The only way to “appease” said condition is for me to take powerful magical artefact and absorb the Weave inside. It's been days since I last consumed an artefact, before we were abducted. It is time. By that I mean it's Imperative that I find and consume powerful strands of Weave at the earliest possible juncture. Protag (Option 1): Tell me more about that condition of yours [Saw with the Tadpole] Gale: You've already seen more than I was willing to share, remember? Best leave the darkness in darkness for now. [Did not use the Tadpole] Gale: That's part of the 'why' you agreed not to discuss. Wouldn't want to make an oath breaker out of you. Protag (Option 2): Where are we supposed to find the kind of artefacts you need? Gale: We already done the finding. The Idol of Silvanus is such an artefact. Protag (Option 1):  Are you crazy? There's no way I'm stealing the druids' idol. Gale: I'm not saying we should – I'm just pointing out it happens to be exactly the sort of thing I'm looking for. Of course we're bound to come across more artefacts during our travels. -> Continue to As luck would have it... Protag (Option 2): That sounds like more trouble than it's worth. Gale: And it might well be. It's a holy relic after all, and taking it would enrage the druids to no end. Not that I'd say no, but we're bound to come across more artefacts during our travels. -> Continue to As luck would have it... Protag (Option 3): Then let's go get it.  Gale: I'm not so sure that's advisable. It's a holy relic after all, and taking it would enrage the druids to no end. Not that I'd say no, but we're bound to come across more artefacts during our travels. -> Continue to As luck would have it... Protag (Option 4):  What happens if you don't consume any artefact? Gale: Catastrophe. Protag (Option 5): This is all madness. Gale: Define it as you will, the semantics aren't important, the condition's conditions are: I am in need of artefacts. That's all there's to it. -> Continue to As luck would have it... Gale: As luck would have it, Faerûn is full of them, though I do feel obliged to point out that items of power tend to be in the hands of the powerful. There will be danger involved – or great cost.

Protag (Option 6): So Astarion wants to suck blood and you want to suck magic. What's next? Gale: We all have our eccentricities. Ours are just more eccentric than most.  Astarion: As a matter of fact, you should feel lucky to be travelling with men of taste. -> Continue to As luck would have it...

Protag (Option 1): Danger? I wouldn't have it any other way.  Gale: Good. A bit of boldness will serve us well. -> Continue to I know the allure... Protag (Option 2): So you're saying I need to risk my life for you.  Gale: I know the allure these artefacts hold. I understand their value and their power. All this to say: I understand the sacrifice I ask of you. But if I may so bold: it's for a good cause indeed. I hope I can count on you.  Protag (Option 3): When I acquire powerful magic items, I'm not so sure I'll choose you over them.  Gale: That's your decision to make. I expect you to make the right one. Much is at stake. More than my own meagre life alone. Protag (Option 4): I can tell you right now I don't care at all for this wild Gale chase.  Gale: That's your decision to make. I expect you to make the right one. Much is at stake. More than my own meagre life alone. Gale: I know the allure these artefacts hold. I understand their value and their power. All this to say: I understand the sacrifice I ask of you. But if I may so bold: it's for a good cause indeed. I hope I can count on you.  Gale: [if the tadpole was used and told] Oh, and as far as that tadpole trickery goes, I really do trust you'll not be so untoward again.

coming up next:

-part 1: the three tadpole dreams -> completed

-part 2: major cut scenes: the deer stew scene -> completed with this post & the loss scene -> will be posted next

-part 3: minor cut scenes: abandoned temple of jergal, failed to save arabella, talking to the paladins of tyr and agreeing to go after karlach, edowin and the tadpole reveal, mayrina giving ethel's wand to her or breaking it, handing astarion over to the gur or defending him, reaching the druid grove, killing lae'zel, reaching the goblin camp & looking for halsin, killing the druids, priestess gut & the brand & the cult of the absolute, dror ragzlin and talking to the dead mind flayer, ogre couple, necromancy of thay, ethel, zhentarim chest, myconid colony

-part 4: gale's condition & the way it was treated in early access

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i thought i'd tag the people i'd seen taking an interest in my original post! if you want to be taken off the taglist, please let me know!

[fyeahnix]

Sevika's line of work is dangerous, and while she can easily take care of herself, it doesn't mean she isn't prepared. She has hideouts across Zaun that she may occupy if she needs to lie low for a while. Everything, of course, gets more complicated with a significant other involved.

[Based off the first safehouse headcanon post I made.]

Sevika breathed deeply as you sat flush against her on her sofa. She fumbled a set of gleaming keys in her hands, brand new from what you could tell. As funny as the surprise would have been, none of them read "keys to a new house." Whatever got your normally stoic girlfriend this pensive must have been serious.

You aimed to give her time but when that time prolonged dead silence, you grew worried. You placed a hand on her muscular thigh. Rubbed. Squeezed.

"What'd you want to talk to me about?" you asked.

Sevika exhaled like she'd been holding her breath the entire two minutes. Like she'd forgotten she called you here in the first place. On the fifth rotation of your hand, her thigh melted under your touch and she relaxed her shoulders. She called you by name.

"We've been... together for a while now. I... I don't trust people easily. You know that. But I do trust you. Which is why I wanted you to know this."

"Know what?"

She slumped forward only a few degrees before she continued. "I have hideouts scattered around Zaun. Found 'em and made 'em all myself. Just... places I can go in case anything goes tits up. No one has access to them except me. Not even Silco."

Your lips parted. That... certainly wasn't what you expected. Frankly, you didn't know what to expect with the keys she rolled in her palm.

"I know that's a lot to process. I just... hope you aren't too pissed at me for not telling you earlier."

Pissed? No. Disappointed? Possibly. Not so much that it was your business, but that she didn't feel she could trust you before. But you knew she had trust issues to begin with. Just like you knew what you signed up for when you started dating her. She was never dishonest about her involvement with Silco or her job. It was dangerous and she spared you any gruesome details save for the black eyes and split lips she couldn't hide. Plausible deniability for you, of course. With all that considered, no, you weren't pissed. How could you be?

You squeezed her thigh tighter, and she relaxed even more. "I understand, Sevika. I do."

"I do trust you. I need you to understand that." She looked over expectantly.

You nodded. "I know."

"That's why I... I want you to have access to all of them."

"Wait, what?" you said, leaning into her. "What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said. I want you to have access to all my hideouts."

It hit you immediately. You gazed down.

Sevika stopped fiddling with the keys and opened her palm. "This is your set. Had 'em made a week ago. Just... didn't know when best to tell you."

Your set? Your keys?

"Escúchame, cariño. I trust you. I Iove you. And I want you to be safe. If... anything ever happens to me, or I'm not around and you don't feel safe, go to one. There's four in the Undercity, one in Piltover."

You didn't know what to say but the implication wasn't lost on you. You rested your chin on her shoulder and placed your hand over hers, trapping the keys between your palms.

She whispered that she'd show you their locations throughout the week since they were well-hidden but said nothing more afterwards. She turned your hands over, relinquishing her grasp to wrap your fingers around the keys.

Your keys.

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