#to make no mention of the healthcare workers

[booasaur]

When the WCK aid workers were killed, I said nothing would change, they wouldn't get justice, their families wouldn't get justice. There was some noise and I hoped I was wrong, but has anything changed? Was there any kind of justice?

Now we have this situation unfolding:

To attempt to evacuate these doctors, they have to do a trial run to see if Israel will shoot the UN/international aid workers:

Monica Johnston, a nurse volunteering at the hospital, said that a primary concern of those who will be leaving is that new humanitarian workers be allowed in, otherwise the hospital campus is more likely to get overrun by the Israel Defense Forces. The plan, she said, is for the U.N. to do a test run from the hospital to the border Tuesday, only carrying U.N. staff. If those staff are not killed by the IDF — as one international employee was on Monday — then on Wednesday two medical staff will be taken to the border, and two new volunteers will be allowed in to replace them, and so on in coming days.

In the UN vehicle that might have rescued them:

One of the surgeons trapped, in fact, the one who said he'd seen more child amputations in the last two weeks than in his entire career before, saved Tammy Duckworth's life in Iraq 20 years ago.

""Save him." Save him from who? Our ally.

That nurse quoted above about the trial run, Monica Johnston, had more to say in this interview on NPR:

Monica Johnston, a burn nurse from Portland, Ore., had been treating Zain, the 7-year-old patient, since he was admitted last Wednesday with blast injuries that left 90% of his body burned. He never regained consciousness and died early Sunday morning. "When they took him to the morgue to prep his body all his burns were infested with maggots," she said. ' I just want to help. We all just want to help. But we have no tools to do it." ... "I came thinking we could do some good, despite our webinars and preparation explaining how dire the situation was here," said Johnston, a nurse with 20 years of experience. "But as time goes on we're all feeling absolutely useless and helpless and hopeless. It feels like everyone we see in the ICU ends up dying." ... Most of the American medical staff are experienced conflict zone volunteers. This was Johnston's first mission. She said she came because her skills as a burn nurse were needed — but nothing prepared her for the things she would have to do. She said after changing dressings for Zain, the 7-year-old, she decided not to continue the extremely painful process. "You know, I think the local staff understood because I think they've seen that pattern of death. But some of my teammates were taken aback," said Johnston, 44. "It was so hard to get across that it's not that I'm giving up on him. But if I do his dressings as often as they need to, to stay clean, I will deplete our entire wound care resources just on him.

[j-esbian]

i’ve gotta admit that, 4 years in, im still real fucking tired of people who act like Everyone In the World Had To Stay Home 24/7 when the covid pandemic started, bc as best as i can tell, that was mostly like. white collar workers and students

[mingigoo]

look after you || k.hj (m.)

🩺 pairing ⇢ nurse! (fem) reader x struggling musician! Hongjoong

🩺 synopsis ⇢ after a long night at work with little to no sleep, you nearly doze off on your way home, hitting a tattooed, spikey-haired guy in the middle of the road. Panicking, you run out to help him and go with him to the hospital, only to lie and say he was your husband so you could go back with him. Well, when he woke up, he didn't exactly take it the way you thought he would...

🩺 genre/au ⇢ enemies to lovers (kind of), some angst, smut, fluff, hospital au

🩺 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ MINORS DNI, injury, car accident, hospital scenes, unprotected sex, undefined relationship, mention of possible suicide attempt, Hongjoong is a scruffy underground musician, trauma with touch, tattoo!joong, grumpy sunshine, cum shot, biting, teasing

🩺 word count ⇢ 10.3k

🩺 taglist ⇢ @atinywhore @jjhmk @yukine-smx @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @y00nzin0 @yesv01 @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @gayliljoong @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @baguette-atiny @seokwoosmole @nyeatinyjunkie @juliettechokilo @pockyddalgi @justaqueerbufoin @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @miriamxsworld @daegale @knucklesdeepmingi @naiify @yeoyeoland @arya9111 @mdibby @8tinytings @angelicyeo @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts @mangishii @yeoyeoland @pink-hwaberry @wooyoluvrr @maru-matt @pearltinyy @loveuwoo @m3chigo @northerngalxy @silverpixiedust23 @interweab @skz1-4-3 (if I missed you please lmk!! bold = can’t tag)

masterlist

A/N ⇢ this story is purely fictional! I am not nurse, and do not have unlimited knowledge on this topic. However, I am a healthcare worker, so I know a little, but not a lot. I am sorry for any information this is incorrect. This is meant for entertainment purposes only. This is not meant to take place in reality.

They never prepare you enough for the things you might see within the hospital walls. 

Nothing is ever enough within those few years of education, the desperate attempt to create life savers. No one tells you how much it hurts to see a child suffer until death, a mother, a daughter.

You just wanted to be something. Do something. Be like the girl you dreamed of being as a child—a child who put bandaids on her mother, all over, decorating her like a painting. Sometimes, your mother would act like she was hurt, just for you to play make-belief, “stitching” up her “wounds.”

And here you were, in the hospital locker room, tears falling silently down your cheeks as you unclipped your hair, letting it fall just like the tears. You sniffed, hiding your face in the locker, although no one was around to see. It was embarrassing enough to yourself—you couldn't believe you were crying. You just…couldn't stop.

The day was rough—just too much. Too much death, too much sadness. This wasn't what you dreamed of. You never thought about how hard it would be to put a smile on your face to a patient, right after witnessing someone leave the world. To act, really. You should've taken up that career instead. You were pretty damn good at doing it—well, until you landed behind the curtain.

You haven't slept in ages. It's been constant insomnia on top of twelve-hour shifts, sometimes even longer, and once you are able to lay down, the only thing you hear is the sound of a patient crashing, the cries of family members. It had you questioning your profession. Your devotion. Your childhood.

As you made your drive home, for some reason, the lines on the road soothed you. Your eyes began to beg for sleep, rolling back ever so slightly as you continued. The gentle patter of rain graced the windshield, the red hue of the stoplight in front of you nearing. 

You stopped at the light—pausing to look at the city around you. The city was bright, even at the dark hour of midnight. People were walking, carrying on,  bar lights bright, apartments lit up in an array of colors. You took in a breath and closed your eyes.

And you closed them a little too long when a car horn sounded behind you.

You jumped, feeling apologetic for holding up the line, and continued forward. People passed you with impatience, but you didn't care. You kept going, crawling, really, till you felt sleep creep up once again, shutting your eyes. You drifted off, only for a short moment, and suddenly you awoke with haste—but not quick enough. In your headlights stood a man, walking across the street, and you didn't have enough time to move. You slowed as best you could, tires screeching, praying to anything, anyone, that this was your imagination.

As your car came to a screeching halt, you hit the man with a thump, causing him to crumble to the ground. You gasped, now wide awake, a scream caught in your throat.

You swallowed hard, hands shaking as you pulled over as best as you could and put your vehicle in park, looking around for any sign of someone. 

No one, absolutely no one, but you and this man you just hit. Just a few blocks back, the city was bustling, bars were hopping, but now, it was like a wasteland. You stepped out of your car, gasping for air, and sprinted through the rain to get to the man.

He was lying still, his head bleeding, his back on the asphalt. His black clothing hid the damage he received from the hit, hiding his body, his black hair covering his face. The only thing you saw was the black ink of a tattoo on his hand as it grasped the road.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, kneeling down to him. You assessed him as best as you could, fighting an anxiety attack. “I am so sorry, oh my god.”

He groaned in response, his arm visibly broken. You hurriedly dialed the emergency line, panting, nearly in tears. You didn't even think about the consequences of this action—you were only worried about the man, the stranger, in front of you. 

After nearly crying once more on the phone, the paramedics explained that they would arrive quickly. You hung up and looked over the stranger once more. “Are you alive?” you asked like a dumb ass, nearly face-palming. You were a nurse, goddammit. Act like one. 

You leaned over him, as gently as possible, putting a finger under his nose, and you felt a soft breath hit it. You checked for an airway obstruction, but nothing. He was breathing fine. In pain, but breathing.

The man tried to move, to roll over sharply, but you quickly bellowed, “Wait, please, you could have a spinal injury,” you pleaded, and surprisingly he stopped. “Don't move.” You caught a glimpse of his face. A large cut near his eyebrow painted his skin crimson, but his eyes were beautiful. His lip was cut, too, and you felt immense pain just looking at him. God, what if he was homeless? He looked it. What if he didn't have insurance? Oh god—

You saw how much blood was coming from his head as he looked up at you. His eyes were hazy, like he wasn't really seeing. You hurriedly looked around for anything to stop his bleeding, and when you found nothing, you took your coat off, then your scrub top, and you quickly put your coat back on. You held your shirt to his head as gently as possible, applying pressure, praying that the paramedics would come soon—

Your anxious thoughts were interrupted by sirens. You let out a sigh of relief.

When the ambulance pulled up, two men came to you with a stretcher. You were barely alert enough to hear them say anything. You mumbled a few things, your hands shaking as they set down the gurney. You mumbled to have them put on a neck brace, chest tightening at how the man cried in pain. You let out an ugly cry with him, but no tears fell. They gently rested him on the stretcher, his head steady, but his arm—

“Are you crazy!” you hissed, standing up quickly. “His arm….he needs his arm stabilized!”

“I’m sorry, mam,” the one man condescendingly said, giving you a dull look. “We know how to do our job. We don't need your input.”

You huffed. Mam? Mam? That was insulting. “I’m a nurse, I also know what I’m talking about.”

They ignored you like everyone seemed to ignore you. They began to move away, but a small object caught their eye that lay right where the man was. You picked it up, finding it to be an empty wallet—you’d give it back later.

They rolled him towards the ambulance, and you followed, forgetting about your car, and everything in it, leaving the scene behind. The paramedics didn't seem to care that you went with them, so you sat in the vehicle, watching them treat the guy you hit. You wanted to throw up as they treated him, as you sat still, like a worthless piece of paper. A crumbled-up piece of paper. Yeah. Crumbled. 

When you arrived at the hospital—a hospital that wasn't yours, you walked beside the homeless man, nearly reaching for his hand. However, your race with him was put to a stop as the emergency room staff stopped you as he headed into the wing.

“I’m sorry, only family members are allowed inside,” the woman softly muttered, her eyes genuine. 

She reminded you of yourself.

What….what if this man was really homeless? What if he had no help, no insurance, no family? You had to do something. You’d feel horrible if you didn't do anything.

“I’m—I’m his wife!” you blurted out, louder than you intended. 

The young lady gave you a heartfelt look and nodded towards the door. “Go ahead. There’s a waiting room inside. What’s your name? I’ll let them know you’re the guardian.”

You told her your name, sparing no second longer than needed, and you ran into the emergency room, sitting down in a hurry.

It was now a waiting game.

—

For what seemed like forever, a doctor came out into the waiting room, looking right at you. 

“Miss y/n?” He asked.

“Yes?”

He cleared his throat. “….You are Kim Hongjoong’s guardian?”

You paused, almost forgetting your whole spiel at the entrance. You remembered the name from his ID in his wallet, and nodded sharply, standing up quickly. “Is he all right?”

“He sustained many injuries, but nothing too major. His arm is broken in three places, and that will limit his mobility quite a lot. We set his arm, but he might possibly need surgery.”

You nodded, relief washing over you. Good, minor injuries. Phew. 

The doctor pondered for a long while as he stared at you. “The paramedics stated that you were the one to hit him with the car.”

You sighed. “Yeah, he came out of nowhere—”

“Why was he walking alone so late at night?”

You looked around the waiting room, seeing only one other soul in the corner seat, sleeping. You wondered about what to say, as your little white lie was becoming a web. 

“I uh….he works late?”

“He was intoxicated at the time of the accident—”

“He works at a bar?” you tried not to sound like you were questioning that statement.

The doctor deadpanned and then sighed. “Listen, I’m sure there's stuff that’s none of my business. So I’m going to choose to ignore this,” he nodded toward the emergency wing. “But you’re welcome to go see him. He’s awake now.”

You wondered for a second whether you should go back there. If he was going to rip your head off for lying, for hitting him with your damn car.

You nodded, telling yourself to grow some damn balls. “Okay, I’ll see him.”

The doctor led you to a room at the very end of the hall, the lights dim. There, in front of you, was the man you hit. He was all bandaged up, a large one spanning around his forehead, covering some of the spikey black hair. His arm was wrapped in a cast and held up for circulation, and his eyes were wide open. Right on you.

“Your wife is here,” the doctor spoke nonchalantly as he entered with you. However, you were stationary at the door. 

“Wife?” he scoffed, coughing a bit. He tried to sit up, but you put on your act, walking up to his bedside. 

“Don't move,” you spoke sweetly, eyes pleading. The attractive man just furrowed a brow, his lips curling down in a grimace.

“We’re gonna keep you here for observation tonight, and see how you are doing in the morning to keep an eye on that arm of yours.” The doctor quickly did what he needed to do and left, leaving you alone with….your husband?

The pretty homeless guy spared no second in the questioning. “Who the fuck are you?”

Your eyes widened, looking down at him. He gazed up at you, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked. A tattoo peaked out of his hospital gown, where it met the skin of his neck. 

“Listen,” you sat down roughly on the seat next to the bed. He watched you emotionlessly. “I’m sorry—I didn't see you when you walked across the road. I take full responsibility,” you breathed, getting nervous under his gaze. 

You were expecting him to scream at you. Well, at least to freak out in some way. It was more alarming that he sat still, completely still, his mouth set in a line.

You blinked.

“I don't care, it’s fine,” he sighed. He showed no emotion, nothing. Not even a twinkle of anger. It was the look in his eye that told you that maybe, just maybe, he ran in front of your car on purpose.

Your eyes widened at the man in front of you—at hongjoong in front of you. He looked distraught tired, brown eyes never leaving your face as you gazed at him. He raised his eyebrows slightly, tilting his head.

“You can leave now,” he huffed, eyes dropping to your open mouth before darting up back to your eyes. “I’m not sure why you're even here in the first place.”

It was your turn to scoff. You crossed your legs in irritation at his lack of care. “Well, maybe because I hit you with my damn car? Maybe I’m worried, maybe I feel horrible, maybe I wanted to see if you were going to be okay.”

Hongjoong just blankly stared. He didn't show any signs of pain, of anger, of anything, really. 

“You don't have to worry,” he spoke eventually, turning away from your gaze to look forward. You watched the tattoo dance against his neck as he moved. “I’m fine. This is all fine.”

You didn't know what to say, how to feel. Your head was spinning, all the tiredness washed away. It pained you to see him so empty, so barren, even though he was a stranger. “I feel like I need to do something for you.”

He bit the bottom of his busted lip, as if forgetting. He made a face, the only expression he’s shone. “No need.”

“But I need to,” you leaned forward, closer to him. He turned to you, eyes void. “I’ll pay for your hospital bill, maybe treat you for a dinner, I don't know—”

“Don't,” he hissed. His eyes grew dark, the fire in them rising. You nearly shrunk back in response to his sudden change of attitude. “Listen, just forget about this, about me, all of it. I don't need your money, or your time, or—” he paused, his anger faltering as he looked at you. “Just…just carry on with your life. I’ll only affect it if I stay in it.”

You frowned, wondering what he meant by that. It didn't matter, though. Your guilt was all-consuming—and the fact that he most likely ended up in front of the car on purpose really was overbearing.

After a second of just…staring at one another, you sighed. “One meal.”

He didn't make a face. Didn't change his plain, empty expression. You looked at his starless eyes, his pale skin. You had the need to brighten him up, to heal him. That was your job, after all.

He opened his mouth to speak, but a nurse came in before he could say a word. You immediately straightened, putting on a smile, hoping he would keep up the act even though he had no reason to. You didn't want to be kicked out—not right now. 

“How are we feeling, Hongjoong?” the young nurse asked, a smile on her bright face. 

“Fine, I guess.” His response was toneless. The nurse still bubbled around, checking his vitals. You watched as he stiffened as the woman touched him. 

She looked at you, arching a brow. “Oh? Are you the wife?” she let out a hum of appreciation, then turned her gaze to Hongjoong. “You’re lucky with this one. They said she freaked out when they didn't stabilize your arm and when they wouldn't let her inside the emergency wing! She must really love you to nearly fight someone to get back here.”

Hongjoong, for the little time you knew him, showed more emotion on his face than ever after hearing that. After hearing that someone—you, a stranger nonetheless—was distraught at his expense. His lips flattened in a line, his gaze faltering.

You grabbed his good hand, although bruises were painted across his knuckles. Old, yellowing bruises. You furrowed your brows, subconsciously rubbing a thumb softly over the colored skin. Hongjoong stiffened, eyes widening, at either your caring touch or the pain it could have been causing. Or both.

You felt your stomach tighten as you met eyes with him. The air was stuffy, his eyes were….practically begging for a reason for your attention, as if he’d never had it before.

“I’m lucky to have him,” you sighed, acting but feeling an intense pull to him. Just touching him, although you didn't even know him, felt like a second nature. 

Maybe it was the regret, the disparity, of hitting him, of being the reason his life was almost nonexistent. Maybe this feeling was because of the responsibility you felt for doing this to him. It didn't matter if it was true; this tension you were feeling with the stranger was more powerful than what you felt with your ex, the one before that, and the one before.

His face was devout of color besides the bruises that scattered his skin. He looked drained, tired, alone. The nurse just smiled at you two, noticing your bloody scrubs and messy exterior. “You’re a nurse, too?”

You just nodded, lost in the feeling that strummed through your body.

Hongjoong’s hand twitched under your hold, his eyes still wide. Still on you.

“Well, Hongjoong,” the friendly nurse smiled. “Don't let her go, she’s a keeper.”

He tore his gaze from you to look at your hand on his. He swallowed hard, blinking. “Ah, yeah.”

Soon after the nurse left, your hand still rested on his. He sat silently, staring forward at the whiteboard with his name on it.

“I….” you struggled with your words, realizing you were still caressing his hand. “I’m sorry,” you said as you pulled your hand away. His head shot towards you.

After a few moments of silence, he said, “It’s okay.” His tone was soft, defeated. 

You wiped your hands on your thighs, sweating buckets. “I, uh, I should go.”

He watched you stand up, but your back was turned, unable to see the wishful glance he offered you. 

You stopped in the door frame, turning around to meet his eyes once more. 

“It was nice to meet you, Hongjoong,” you smiled, watching the glimmer in his eye trying to sparkle. “I wish you well.”

Before you were able to leave the room, he called for you.

“Wait,” he breathed, voice raspy.

You froze.

He took a breath in, exhaling his words. “What’s your name?” 

You turned around. “Y/n,” you spoke softly, your chest aching at the little half-smile peeking through his bruised lips.

“y/n,” he repeated, blinking slowly. He didn't say anything else. You didn't either. You smiled at him once more before turning on your heel and walking out of the room, despite the tear in your heart telling you to stay.

And on your way out, you paid his hospital bill in full, not a single regret in your mind about it.

—

After a few days, you continued your days like normal.

Well, as normal as they could be. Your mind wandered to the spikey haired guy at every sparing second, thinking of how his eyes pleaded something unreadable, how his hand twitched underneath yours.

You were at the hospital, reaching the end of your workday in the emergency room. After running in with a few scruffy-looking guys, they reminded you of a certain someone, and you just wanted to tear at your hair. You were certain your odd feelings were due to the fact that you hit him with your car, and nothing else. This will pass. 

When the quietness of the night was about to still, a man ran into the emergency room door.

“My friend is hurt,” The man huffed in desperation. You turned to the commotion, seeing a thin, black-haired man holding up another—his friend. But that friend and his familiar spikey hair jolted something inside of you.

You jumped out of your seat behind the nurses’ station and ran to the men, meeting eyes with the taller one. He was just as beautiful as hongjoong was, but his eyes were frantic.

“Sir, what happened?” you questioned, reaching out to the man who was just who you thought. Hongjoong’s head rolled back, his eyes squinted in pain, his teeth barred. You carefully steadied him. “What’s hurting you?”

At your voice, Hongjoong opened his eyes wide, looking straight at you. “Y/n?” he grunted out, his breaths strained. He shut his eyes again, and you almost couldn't take the look he had on his face.

“His arm,” the other guy said to you as you called for help,  struggling to hold Hongjoong up. “He got into a fight at the bar, some guy decided to mess with his broken arm and, well…..”

You felt a sense of rage fill your body. You wanted to ask Hongjoong why the hell he was at the bar only days after getting hit by a damn car, let alone getting into a fight.

A few other nurses gathered around, all helping to walk him over to a bed. The wing was empty at this time of night—only a few people around. Once again, Hongjoong looked extremely uncomfortable as the nurses touched him.

You held him gently as you set him down on the bed, feeling his fingers curl around your arm.

He held on to you with his good arm—the hand you held only days before. The other nurses fluttered around, setting things up, but Hongjoong just stared up at you.

“Hi,” is all he said, his fingertips etching into your skin.

Your chest tightened, forcing yourself to smile. “We must be fated or something,” you joked, hoping to brighten him up. “That or you just frequent hospitals often.”

He blinked up at you, his eyebrows knitted in pain. “Maybe I just wanted to see you again.” He coughed as he joked.

Your heart skipped a beat, the other nurses and the man that came with him side-eyeing you.

“If you wanted to see me again, there are better ways than this,” you huffed, looking around. “We have to get an X-ray, alright? We’ll give you something to ease your pain meanwhile.”

The air between you two was undeniable. He nodded, emotion sparkling in his eyes, unlike the days before. You wondered if you were the reason for it.

It was probably just the pain.

The other nurses wheeled him to the radiology room, leaving you alone with the man who brought him there.

“You’re the girl that hit him, aren't you?” His voice was soft, gentle. It held no anger.

You turned to him, seeing the caring exterior he showed. “I….yes.”

He tilted his head at you, blinking, as if figuring you out in a single glance. “He’s been looking all over for you. You…paid his bill. He doesn't like handouts.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh? I didn't think he ever wanted to see me again. You know, I hit him with my car—that isn't something to take lightly—”

“You paid his bill,” the man repeated, crossing his arms. “He feels indebted to you. Please just make sure he knows not to feel that way.” The man sighed, looking into your eyes. “Despite how he looks, he ruminates over things. He’s sensitive. He’s a mess right now.”

You sighed, too. “I…I paid his bill because I did this to him—”

“No,” he interrupted, eyes serious. “You didn't.”

You knitted your brows. “....What do you mean?”

The man gave you a deadpan stare, as if not wanting to spell it out. He let out a breath he seemed to be holding. “He….he jumped in front of your car on purpose, y/n,” he bit his bottom lip. “So no, you really didn't do it to him. He’s…he’s just been a mess lately—and now that you acted sweet, played a wife, held his hand or whatever, he’s even more of a mess.”

Before you could ask what he meant by that, Hongjoong was back, alert and upright, but the pain still rested on his face. His gaze met yours, and you felt your stomach swirl in a mess of emotions.

You couldn't look him in the eye as you took care of him.

—

Hongjoong was sleeping as your shift was about to end. Before you clocked out, you couldn't help but go to him, check his injury out, check his vitals. His friend—Seonghwa, you learned his name—left about an hour ago.

As if noticing your presence, his eyes slowly peeked open, slightly drugged and delirious from the pain medications.

“I didn't expect to see you here,” he mumbled out, blinking lazily.

“I didn't expect you, either,” you spoke, keeping your emotions in check.

Silence enveloped you as you checked his pulse ox. 

“Why’d you do that?”

He turned his head to look at you. “Do what?”

You unclipped the pulse oximeter from his finger. “Why’d you get into that fight? You were really injured.” You wanted to ask the deeper question, the question as to why he stepped in front of your car, but you didn't want to overstep.

He shrugged, wincing. He didn't have an answer. He didn't owe you one, really. 

“Just,” you breathed, moving over to the computer to open his chart. “Just don't do anything like this while you’re healing. You need surgery. You need rest.”

He bit his lip, probably stopping himself from saying something he shouldn't. 

“Also,” you sighed, looking over at him. “Your friend told me you were looking for me?”

“Yeah, well,” he scoffed. “I really didn't mean to meet you here.”

You let out a chuckle. “Well, here we are.”

He nearly smiled at you, lips curling beautifully. He had a bit of dried blood on his lip, and knowing that you were supposed to be leaving, you still reached for a washcloth. You didn't need to do this—in fact, you were acting against every thought in your head as you leaned forward and brushed the cloth against his lip, watching them part.

His breath hitched as you neared, as you touched him, and once again, his hand twitched, begging to touch you.

Your hand lingered on his cheek for a moment too long, meeting his eyes. He stared at you, expression unreadable, lips parted.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

You took a second to study his face before you moved away from him. His eyes followed you as you put space between you and him, dark and beautiful. 

You logged out of the portal on the computer. “We’ll move you to your own room before we prep you for surgery,” you said gently, heart aching as you met his gaze once more. “The doctor will tell you more.”

“Will you….be there for the surgery?” he showed no specific feelings as he asked the question.

“I am only part of the emergency department right now,” you shrugged. “I don't think so.”

He pondered for a second before nodding, settling himself back into the comfort of his hospital bed. “Okay,” he spoke softly.

You offered him a solemn look, causing him to stiffen.

“What?” he asked.

“What?” you repeated, confused.

He blinked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” you frowned.

“Like you feel sorry for me.” He looked pained, a deeper type of pain.

You thought about a response to that—you didn't necessarily feel sorry for him, you didn't pity him either. In fact, you just felt an immense feeling of wanting to see him happy, to see him without pain.

Which confused you incredibly, given that he was just a stranger.

“I don't feel sorry for you,” you clarified. “I just don't want you to be in pain.”

“You don't even know me,” he huffed, his expression contorting, and you figured that he didn't even know how he was feeling—what he was feeling. “Why would you even care if I’m hurting?”

You smiled at him. “Because you don't deserve the pain.”

He just stared at you, hazily, emotionally. There was a light in his eyes—a light that wasn't there the other day. “You don't know me well enough to know that.”

The air grew cold; you had nothing left to say. You wished he realized that he didn't have to suffer like this.

“Goodnight, Hongjoong,” you hummed, walking away, feeling his stare burn into your back.

—

The next day, you found yourself drawn to the bed Hongjoong was in yesterday. It was empty, with him now in a room of his own in another part of the hospital.

You typed away at your computer as your colleague, Yeosang, came up to you. 

“Hey,” he leaned over the counter of the nurses’ station. “There's a guy asking for you.”

Yeosang, although very young, was a surgical resident in orthopedics. He was super smart, super sexy, super everything. You went to school together, spending lots of time in the library and everywhere else together. 

“Who?” you mumbled without looking up.

“He’s a patient I’m prepping for an open reduction surgery, but he’s having a hard time letting anyone touch him. Says he only needs you or something.”

You looked up, hands freezing on your keyboard. Hongjoong. “He won't let anyone touch him?”

Yeosang sighed, propping his head up on his palm as he leaned on the counter. “We had to give him more pain medication, and it made him a bit….difficult. I suspect he has some sort of trauma.”

You frowned. “And why is he asking for me?”

Yeosang gave you a knowing look. “I don't know. He kept saying your name, saying he needed you.”

You tried to avoid the rush of blood to your cheeks. “I don't even know him.”

“Yeah, about that….” Yeosang looked a bit confused, a smile peeking through his lips. “He keeps calling you his wife.”

Oh, dear god. “How drugged is he?” you huffed, looking defeated. 

Yeosang laughed. “I kept telling him that you weren't his wife, and he got super mad at me. He said only his wife can touch him. I really need him to stop this so I can get him into pre-op,” The surgeon sighed, giving you a pleading glance. “I’ll ask the attending if you can scrub in—”

“I’m an ER nurse,” you raised a brow. “I have other duties, Yeosang.”

“Y/n, please,” Yeosang pleaded, “ignore the rules or whatever. Can you just come and help me so we can get him into surgery?”

Your mind wandered to the fact that Hongjoong was having a hard time. Sure, he was delirious off of his meds and pain, but knowing that he was struggling with touch, a part of you crumbled.

So you followed Yeosang—after getting approved by the charge nurse, and went up to the third floor.

As you neared the room, you let Yeosang enter first. 

“Mr. Kim, I have Nurse y/n here for you.”

There Hongjoong was, his eyes frantic, his breathing rushed. He was anxious, a mess. The nurses tried to ease him, and relax him, but he wasn't having it. That is, until he saw you in the doorway.

“y/n,” he breathed, as if he knew you forever. Everyone in the room let out a sigh of relief.

“Hi, Hongjoong,” you spoke softly, walking slowly near him. You sat in the chair next to his bed, scooting closer as the room emptied, Yeosang being the only other presence. “I heard you were asking for me.”

He blinked, his eyes lined with worry, with anxiety. For someone who looks so tough, he looks like a completely different person.

He didn't speak; he just looked at you, his eyebrows furrowed, his expression all over the place. You took a glance at Yeosang, who was observing you before you reached for Hongjoong's hand just like before. 

The bruises were faded now, only old scars left on his skin. A tattoo trailed the skin of his arm. You went to rub his knuckles,  but Hongjoong gripped your hand tightly.

You met his frantic gaze. No words were spoken. He just pleaded with his touch, his eyes. You knew he was scared. 

“It's okay,” you hummed, fighting the urge to tuck his hair behind his ear. “It's a simple surgery. You will be just fine.”

He mumbled something, but you weren't able to catch it. Yeosang stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, the other nurses peering over his shoulder from the hall. Hongjoong’s gaze moved to the door, seeing everyone watching him.

And you realized that, more than being anxious, he was embarrassed, too.

You looked to Yeosang, giving him a desperate look, a silent cry for him to leave and to get those damn nosy bitches out, too. He complied, and they were alone once more.

“It’s alright,” you hummed, and this time, you did reach out to his face, gliding a gentle hand across his cheek. Without thinking, he leaned into your touch, craving it, longing for it, as if you were really his wife. “They’re gone now.”

His eyes were droopy, his lips downturned. He looked tough, someone with a rough exterior, but now, he was crumbling. He was alone. Alone to the point that he called for you, basically a stranger to him. 

The moment could have lasted forever. His eyes bled into yours, yours into his, your hand on his cheek drawing circles into his skin. He took in a breath, and nodded.

“Will you let them take care of you?” you asked him gently.

He hesitated. You also did, as you realized that he leaned into your touch rather than avoiding it. That he felt comfortable with you—the one who hurt him. In his eyes, though, he didn't see it that way.

Your hand stilled on his cheek, his worried eyes lighting up a little. You didn't even realize that his good hand—the hand that you were holding just a minute before, was now resting on top of your hand that was on his cheek. He gripped it, his medical haze confusing him, confusing you.

You froze, your eyes wide. You allowed his fingers to interlock yours, having him hold your hand to his face as he shut his eyes. He was vulnerable. Human. Although he looked tough, looked troubled, he was just a person under all that trouble. Just a normal guy with normal feelings, normal fears.

And you were indebted to each other. You for hitting him, him for his gratefulness of your care.

“I’ll be there with you,” you murmured, knowing that Yeosang was still outside the room, close enough to hear, close enough to see. “I’ll be in the room while they’re operating.” 

He nodded, his grip loosening slightly, but he still didn't release your hand.

“I’ll look after you,” you offered, and his eyes met yours once more. 

He slowly let go of your hand, allowing you to move back. You looked at Yeosang through the window, giving him a curt nod for him to come back in. 

Hongjoong let the other nurses touch him, but not without a grimace on his face. Yeosang’s words swirled around your mind; I suspect he has some sort of trauma.

Trauma. Trauma that didn't quite reach you—your touch. He allowed it, actually, he wanted it. You wondered what made him okay with yours. Why he needed you when you were the one to do this to him.

Eventually, Hongjoong entered the operating room, knocked out by anesthesia, but not without you holding his hand, making him childlike, making him….a normal human being.

—

After the surgery, Hongjoong sat in his bed even more dazed than before. Before the daze wore off, he kept calling you his wife, causing confusion to stir around the hospital. 

As you left Hongjoong’s room to go back to the ER, Yeosang followed. “What’s this about?”

“I don't know what you mean.” 

You walked faster.

“I mean, why does that guy keep calling you his wife?” Yeosang’s shoulder bumped into yours accidentally as you turned a corner. “And why are you the only one who can touch him? Why did you—”

You stopped suddenly. “Why did I what?”

Yeosang let out a breath. “Why did you….touch him like that? As far as I know, you….you aren't married.”

“I’m not married, you’re right,” you nodded, confused by why you touched him like that, too. Confused as to why he looked so relaxed with your touch rather than freaking out. “And…let’s just say we have met each other before. I did that to calm him down.”

You continued walking towards the elevator, Yeosang following still. “Okay, but you still didn't answer my question about why he keeps calling you his wife.” you pressed the down button and waited.

“Is that really any of your business?”

“Just a little—”

“Why?” you interrupted, turning towards him, arms crossed. “Why does it matter to you?”

You didn't mean to sound rude, you and Yeosang were good friends for a while. You've never dated, but you’ve flirted with each other occasionally. You never thought much of it other than being a little playful.

But the look on Yeosang’s face caused you to pause your racing thoughts. “Because I thought we…we had something going on?”

You blinked. “Do we?”

“I mean,” Yeo scoffed. “With the way you were looking at him, I don't think I have a chance.”

The elevator dinged, doors opening. You paused for a second before entering, Yeosang following.

It was quiet before the doors closed.

“I didn't think I looked at him any differently than anyone else,” you admitted honestly, causing Yeosang to look over at you. 

He gave you a smile, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. “You feel something for him, huh?”

You frowned, leaning back against the wall. “I barely know him. I only…” you sighed. “I only met him twice.”

“But yet, you are the only one he allows to touch him,” Yeosang breathed as the elevator dinged on the first floor. 

“That’s something to think about.”

—

Hongjoong was back to his normal self when you went to check on him in the evening; the anesthesia and meds had worn off. His arm was bandaged up and held in a sling, his eyes empty once more. 

You hesitated on entering, but his stare moved to you.

For a second, you saw regret, and embarrassment, cross his face before melting back into a void stare.

You entered, but he didn't look at you. He avoided your gaze, too. Very unlike his earlier, medical high self. 

You took his blood pressure, fingertips gently wrapping around his tattooed bicep as you put the cuff on. He didn't say anything, didn't even spare a passing glance. He just kept looking forward.

“119 over 79,” you mumbled out, letting loose of the cuff.

He nodded, coughing a bit. He didn't say anything, though.

“Dr. Kang told me that you’re cleared to be discharged,” you tried to start a conversation, but things just felt too awkward. You wrote down his vitals in his chart. “That’s good. Can I call anyone to pick you up? Maybe the guy that was here—”

“No,” he said quietly, looking down at his arm. “There is no one to call.”

“You need someone to help you. You just had surgery—”

“I have no one, y/n,” he hissed, finally looking at you. “Not like that’s any of your business, anyway.”

You didn't know what to say, so you just stared at him with confusion. He was putting his walls up.

“I just….don't want you to suffer alone,” you admitted.

“Why?” he let out a laugh, but it wasn't humorous. “I don't need your worry.”

“Okay,” you breathed, defeated. There was no point; he was just a stranger, just a man. Although, this feeling you had about him was overwhelming. And when you touched him, you wanted to hold him longer. Wanted him to feel better.

You left the room without a glance toward him and carried on the rest of your day as best you could.

—

Hongjoong was sitting on the bench outside the hospital entrance, head low, as if sleeping.

You knew you should keep walking. You shouldn't give him any attention, any time of day. But your chest ached as you got closer and closer, and as you reached him, you couldn't bear to walk past him.

“Why are you still here?” you asked him, keeping a good amount of distance away from him.

At your voice, he looked up quickly, as if waiting for you despite his nastiness earlier.

He took a second to respond. “I, uh, I’m just sitting here.”

You looked him over. His black hair was no longer styled spikey, it laid flat across his forehead softly. His tattoos were on full display in the black t-shirt he wore. 

“You don't have anywhere to go,” you meant to ask it like a question, but it came out more like a declaration. He furrowed his brows at your words but didn't deny it.

“I’m fine, I’ll figure it out,” he sniffed, the cold air dancing around him. He didn't even have a coat.

Without thinking, you spoke quickly. “Come with me.”

He tilted his head. “Why?”

“Because,” you huffed, taking a step closer to him. “I owe you.”

“For what?” he spat out, probably not intending to sound rude. 

You gave him an honest look, and his eyes softened. “Did you just forget that I hit you with my car? That I broke your arm?”

He just sat there, blinking slowly. “You don't owe me anything, y/n.”

You reached your hand out. His own hand twitched. “Come with me.”

After a long moment of just staring at your outstretched hand, he let his hand find yours, standing up at his full height. You got a good look at his face, his eyes, his lips. He was breathtakingly beautiful. So beautiful. 

You held his hand as you walked to your car, feeling a flutter of emotion in the pit of your stomach.

When you got to the car, you helped him into the passenger seat, despite his aggravated digs at you. You leaned over him, buckling his seatbelt, feeling his hot breath against your cheek.

You paused, frozen, inches away from his lips.

He swallowed hard, eyes glancing down at your lips. He didn't make a move. You didn't, either. 

You pulled away, forcing yourself to get out of his personal space to shut the door. You saw him tilt back his head and take a deep breath before you got to the driver's seat.

As you drove, you asked random questions like a goddamn idiot.

“So, uh,” you swallowed, looking over at him for a second. “What do you do for a living?”

What kind of damn question is that?

“I’m a musician,” he mumbled, looking out the window. “Kind of.”

“Ah,” you nodded, thinking of what to say next. Now you were thinking way too much into things. “What do you play?”

He looked down at his arm, sighing. “Well, I played the guitar, piano, some other things. I don't think I’ll be picking anything up for a while.”

“You will, eventually,” you tried to encourage him, but he just kept his gaze even out the window. You arrived at your apartment, pulled into the parking lot, and shut off the car. “We’re here.”

He nodded, watching you get out of the car. You opened his door, and with slight hesitation, you leaned over him again to unbuckle his seatbelt, but before you could, he stopped you with his good arm. 

You paused, inches from his face, meeting his eyes.

“Thanks,” he muttered quietly. “I’m sorry for how I acted earlier.”

“You don't have to be sorry,” you whispered, feeling an immense pull to him, to his lips.

You ignored the urge and unbuckled the belt, but you didn't back away. Not like you could, anyway, with Hongjoong’s grip on your arm tightening.

The belt slowly slipped off of him.

He chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes dancing with emotion. “I was just… embarrassed. And drugged, and uh, well,” he paused, thinking. “Mostly embarrassed. I can't believe I freaked out over a little surgery. That’s so lame—”

“No, it's not,” you hummed softly, delicately. “It's a normal fear.”

He smiled. Actually smiled. From the little time you knew him, you haven't seen a genuine smile on his face. Or any sort of light, really.

“Thanks, uh,” he sniffed. “Thanks again. For looking after me.” his eyes fell to your lips. “You don't even know me, and you still…” he trailed off.

You realized that you were inhaling the air he was exhaling, that you were eye to eye, almost nose to nose. His breaths were shaky, labored, and tired. 

“I would want someone to look after me in the same way,” You whispered. “That’s all.”

“That’s all?” he tilted his head upward, leaning against the headrest, warm, brown eyes on full display. 

“Mhm,” you swallowed. 

His eyes glimmered. He didn't have anything to say, and you didn't either. Realizing that you were shrinking the space ever so slowly, you took the opportunity to back away from the musician. He let go of your arm, but not without a little tug on it beforehand.

You cleared your throat as he got out of the car. You shut the door for him, and you walked together—slowly, till you reached your apartment door.

When you entered, hongjoong strayed back behind the door, not entering. You turned to face him, eyebrow raised. 

“Come in,” you beckoned, and with one more second of hesitation, he followed you in, shutting the door behind him.

He surveyed the place, his eyes finding the piano that sat in the corner of the room. His eyes danced as if surprised to see it there.

The air was thick. The room was quiet. You tossed off your shoes with ease, noticing his struggle with his own, so you bent down the help him. He didn't pull away, didn't speak. He just let you take care of it—of him.

“I don't mean to be a bother,” he mumbled as you untied his shoe. “But I’d really like to shower.”

You glanced up at him. “Oh,” you nodded, taking off his shoe before standing up. “Sure. it’s the first door down the hall.”

He didn't make any move. He stood, a confused, shy look resting on his face.

And then you realized.

He had no clothes to change into. Nothing. He also only had one working arm, and one covered in material that couldn't get wet.

“I can help you,” you trailed off, trying not to read too much into his stare. 

“If you comfortable with that.”

—

In the bathroom, Hongjoong stood anxiously as you waited for the water to warm up. It took a second, and most of the time, the hot water only lasted so long.

You figured a shower would be too difficult to help him with without seeing too much. You opted for a warm bath, filling the water up once it got hot enough. You made sure to add some suds to it, so he wasn't too uncomfortable.

When you turned around to face him,  his eyes were cloudy, his lips in a line.

“Do you….not like baths?” you mumbled, scratching your head. “I probably should've asked you before I—”

“It’s not that.” His eyes met yours, switching his weight onto his other leg. 

You didn't pry, knowing he was just probably embarrassed that he needed help for something as trivial as a bath. 

Walking toward him, he backed up into the door. You nearly smirked but maintained your cool as you grabbed the plastic bag off the sink counter. “I just have to wrap your cast in this. It'll just be a second. You might want to take your shirt off before I….”

He blinked, eyes wide. “Huh?”

“I don't think you normally bathe in clothes,” you murmured slyly, tilting your head. “Unless you like that.”

He didn't move. His body was as stiff as a board, his throat bobbing as he swallowed.

“Just take your shirt off, dammit, or I’ll do it for you.”

You saw his expression change the minute the words left your mouth.

His good hand found the hem of his t-shirt, hesitating to take it off. You realized that he probably did need your help with taking it off, but with the look in his eye, you weren't sure what would happen if you got any closer to him.

But you moved closer, anyway, setting the plastic bag back onto the counter. His back was nearly up against the wooden door, his breath hitching as your fingertips gently pulled at the fabric.

“Why are you….so okay with this?” he breathed before you could pull the shirt up.

You met his gaze, his eyes unreadable. Almost as if he didn't know what he was feeling, either. 

“I told you already,” you shrugged, smiling.

He blinked, his eyes red with emotion, begging to send a flood down his cheeks. “I don't deserve your help.”

“You do, though.” Ever so slowly, you began to pull his shirt, soft, carved abs appearing as you moved it up. “Because you know, you don't have to suffer alone.”

“Who said I was suffering?” he croaked out, his eyes, his tone, spilling his guts out on the floor for her to see. 

You didn't say anything. You just slowly tugged the black t-shirt over his casted arm, watching him wince slightly. Then, he stood, half-naked, emotionally charged in front of you. He was no longer a stranger. No longer someone that you classified as a patient, either.

His eyes spoke volumes, his good hand twitching at his side. You looked at it, and took it in your own.

“Come on,” you nodded behind you. “I’ll help.”

He looked like he was ready to cry. Ready to break down. He didn't, though, and you walked him over to the bath. You unbuttoned his jeans, but turned around as he stepped out of them and into the tub. 

The soap covered his lower body, all that was on display was his torso, his slim shoulders, the tattoos inked on his tanned skin.  He didn't break away from your gaze as you began to wash him.

“I feel….something I shouldn't be feeling,” he swallowed, his voice raspy, tender, defeated. 

“And what’s that?” you wondered before running your hands through his silky hair, coating the strands in your lavender shampoo.

He shut his eyes, sighing. “I don't know what it is, but what I do know is, for some reason, your touch is very calming when everyone else’s hurts me.”

You paused, hands still tangled in his locks, but he opened his eyes.

A confession of feelings—worth more than any other cliche words. He stared up at you, heart on his sleeve, confusion and fear and everything in between dancing around his eyes.

“For the first time,” he whispered, the only sounds in the room being your shaky breathing and the quiet trickle of water from the spigot. “I feel…comfortable being touched. I….need it.”

His lips parted, his hair dripping wet, your hands still frozen within the strands. You didn't know how to respond, didn't know exactly how you felt, either. But you also knew one thing, and it became ever so apparent as his hand slowly reached your cheek, wet fingertips leaving a trail of soap across your skin.

You blinked slowly.

Softly, gently, you moved forward, over the tub, and brushed your lips against his. His eyes remained open from shock, but his lips moved slowly along with yours.

You pulled away, but didn't go too far, resting your forehead against his. His breaths tickled your skin, sending a blush to your cheeks. 

Emotions are complex. You didn't know exactly why you kissed him. Why you needed to. Why you wanted to do it again. But what you did know was that you liked how his touch felt, liked the little smile that appeared as you kissed him, liked how he gently pulled you back into another kiss.

You took in his breath as you kissed once more, this time a bit more urgent. Your hands gripped his soapy hair, his hand rested softly on your cheek, his thumb on the corner of your lips, his fingers tickling the lobe of your ear. 

He kissed you like he knew you forever. Like he knew just how you liked it. You found your hand trailing down his tattooed neck, fingers dancing on the ink, his dewy skin, his tongue in your mouth.

You parted once more, so close, breaths tangling, fingers scrunching. His breath was hot against your face, his dark eyes pleading.

You’d so get on top of him in that damn tub. You wanted to, so bad. But you remembered that his arm was hurt, that you were the one that did it, and you nearly stood up to move away before he gripped you by the arm.

“Don't go,” he breathed hazily.

So you didn't. You washed him, this time, knowing that you were begging to end this bath and fuck him silly till the sunrise. Till the warm, glow of the burning star fluttered through your blinds. And with that damn look on his face, you knew he was thinking about it, too.

You helped him out of the bath, not turning around this time. He stood slowly, body on full display, even more tattoos, even more scars covering the skin you didn't get to see. 

You sheepishly handed him a towel. He took it, but didn't use it to cover himself up.

“You’re not dating that damn doctor, are you?” he spoke, his tone serious, deep. Sensuous. 

You breathed out, “No.” 

He grinned, cheshire-like. “Good.”

You could tell he wanted to rip your clothes off. He wanted to claw at your skin like some goddamn animal, his expression pained in all of the right ways. 

You needed air. God, this bathroom was stuffy.

Turning on your heel, you forced yourself to walk out of the damn room, because if you didn't, Hongjoong would become something far more stranger than, well, a stranger to you.

But he had other plans. More impulsive plans.

He followed you out of the bathroom and into your main living space. He gripped your hand, his fingertips gently pressing into your skin. When you turned to face him, he was dripping wet onto the lightwash wood floor, beads of water collecting on the ends of his hair. His eyes were wide, begging you for something, anything.

So you gave up on your act.

“Do you want to fuck me right now?” you wheezed, smiling as his eyes widened even more. “Is that what you want?”

You stepped closer to him at his silence, and arched your body against his bare torso, feeling the hardness of him press your thigh, his lips begging to meet yours once more.

You teased him, lifting your mouth to his, letting out a sigh. He shivered as your hands felt up his bare skin, and your hot breath tickled his face. 

He nearly growled, his good arm wrapping around your waist swiftly, tugging your body towards him completely, holding you here as his mouth crashed to yours. His broken arm begged to touch you, too, and without thinking, he moved it quickly. He hissed in pain, his arm definitely hurting him, but he didn't care as much as you did. You tried to part from his lips, to ask him if he was okay, but he bit hard down on your lip to keep you from speaking. 

You moaned while he stuck his tongue down your throat, his hand now tearing at your top, your waistband. You hurriedly tore off your clothes for him, giving him no second to stare at your body before tossing yourself onto him again. He grunted, moaning into your mouth, the vibrations tickling every part of you. He pushed you back, nearly tripping over the throw rug, the coffee table, until your back slammed into the keyboard of your piano.

The keys slammed as your ass hit them roughly, the musician making music without even intending to. His hips bucked into yours, your core right where he needed it, his dick pulsing, aching to be inside you. You lifted your hips, grinding them against his cock, gaining pleasure in his expression.

He nearly whined as you bit his ear lobe, his hips shifting into you, begging for you.

“Can I get inside you?” he moaned, eyes frantic. “I need you, fuck, I need it bad.”

In more ways than one, he needed you, but now, he needed your body. Needed your touch, your moans. You obliged, your body already wet enough for him to enter. You lined up, and without a second to waste, he slowly moved into you, causing you to toss your head back at the feeling. His eyes rolled back; a whine left his pretty pink lips, his chest heaved in pleasure.

His head dipped to suck your nipple, tongue gliding over the sensitive skin of your breast. You huffed, trying so hard to breathe. He let out moans that did something dangerous to your body, to your mind. You moaned along with him as his hips snapped.

“Oh, god,” he whimpered, his tone light, airy. Water dripped onto the soft skin of his chest from his hair. “You feel so good.”

You smiled, tearing your hands up his back as the piano cried along with you. The keys clicked, moaning from the weight above them. The music filled the room, tangled within your breaths, your sweat. You gripped the back of his head, lacing your fingers through his wet, dripping hair, feeling yourself get wetter and wetter by the minute.

Your walls caved into him, his cock pulsing inside you. He looked into your eyes for a long moment as he moved, his black hair stuck to his forehead, his mouth open in gratification. He kissed you, tongue dragging across your bottom lip, tugging on it. He liked to bite.

You felt euphoria reach you before you knew it, and you cried out, gripping his hair, pulling it as he fucked you. His face pained, his teeth barred, his eyes shut tight. Just his expression—his appearance—could've made you come on the spot.

You felt tingles in your fingers, and your toes, and saw stars in your vision. Black spots fluttered, your heart rate probably much higher than it should be. You didn't care if you died right here, right now. It didn't matter. Nope. This was bliss. So much better than that damn vibrator.

You felt like you were on fire—no, more like a falling, burning star crashing to earth. Your stomach ached at his pressure, your hips aching, your head pounding. You came onto him with haste as your vision blurred, tearing into his shoulder blades, leaving little marks on his skin. At your actions, you witnessed the look of utter satisfaction on the pretty boy’s face, his breaths quickening, shallowing. He let out a whine, just as musical as the keys underneath you.

Before he could come, he pulled out, cumming all over your breasts, your stomach. You sighed, closing your eyes, trying to catch your breath.

He stared at you, eyes low, lips swollen and red. So fuckable, so delicious. 

He looked at how he painted you, smirking a bit to himself. He was so full of life, full of emotion. “Let me go grab that towel,” he breathed, his voice crackling a bit. You watched in enjoyment when he walked away from you, watching his ass, his legs, the tattoos move with him.

He returned with the towel, wiping you gently as if he hadn't just made you nearly black out. You gazed at him, not sure what you were feeling, how you were feeling. You could do it all night with him, with this guy who was a stranger only a couple of days before. It wasn't too often that you acted on your desires, but there was no possible way you were supposed to avoid this, avoid him.

When he was done, when you were clean, he set the towel down on the floor, but his eyes didn't leave you. 

“What?” you hummed.

“Just,” he breathed, smiling. “That was really good.”

“I hope so,” you chuckled the feeling of the room lightening, almost in a playful way. “I hope this wasn't your goal all along—you really freaked me out when I hit you.”

He looked down as you jumped off the piano. “Uh, yeah. I bet I did.”

You moved to him, gently reaching to hold his cheeks for him to look at you. “I got you now, huh? No more running in front of cars, unless it's mine. I’ll be prepared next time.”

His eyes widened as if he was shocked by your words. That you knew he did it on purpose. He didn't deny it. He just leaned into your touch, eyes closing tight in comfort.

“Like I said,” you started, giving his lips a little peck. “I’ll look after you, if you’ll allow it.”

He took in a deep breath, opening his eyes, meeting your sincere gaze. His lips curved up. “I’ll look after you, too.”

You smiled along with him. You wrapped your arms around his waist tightly, embracing him, feeling even more intimate than sex. He let out a shaky breath, as if finally realizing he wasn't alone, didn't have to be. That he deserved a caring touch, a longing touch, a needy touch. That he could actually have something to himself.

You didn't know what you were to each other, and it really didn't matter. There was no need to label it so specifically. You could be his rock, his personal nurse, the person to stitch him up when he gets hurt. The one he could confide in, have sex with, whatever he needed. Whatever you needed. 

So when he kissed the top of your head while you hugged him, you tightened your arms just a little, holding onto him as long as he’ll let you.

You’ll look after each other.

[lewisvinga]

new date | lando norris x fem!reader / x daughter

summary: due to low staff at work, y/n isn’t able to make it to an important gala with lando. that just means it’s up to him to find a new date and luckily, he has the perfect girl in mind.

warnings; hmm reader is mentioned to be a healthcare worker , idk what other warning

notes; girl dad lando! girl dad lando! girl dad lando!

masterlist !

As much as y/n loved to work in the hospital and help her patients, she also loved going attending galas with Lando, her husband. So, she was blown when she couldn’t go to a grand gala for the Formula One drivers due to a worker shortage in the pediatrics section of the hospital.

She wasn’t the only one upset.

Lando loved being able to show you off. He loved to show off his wife, his wife who helps people for a living. But when you broke the news that you couldn’t attend and jokingly told him to ‘find another date’, he already had someone special in mind.

His focus went to the curly haired one ( and a half ) year old girl sitting beside him on the couch. She was an exact copy of Lando, only having your nose. Her laugh, eyes, mouth, and even her curls was just like her father. If he couldn’t bring his wife, why not bring the mini version of himself?

Y/n didn’t believe him when he wanted to bring their 18 month old Evie to the gala. She thought he was joking and bursted into laughter which immediately stopped when he ran to Evie’s room.

She couldn’t help but sigh and follow him. When she stepped into the room, she didn’t expect him to be searching through Evie’s closet. “Love, what are you doing?” Y/n questions with a chuckle.

“Finding an outfit for Evie, duh.” Lando replies like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He pulls out a lilac dress. He frowns and quickly puts it back. “What should Evie wear…” He mumbles to himself.

“What team do you drive for?”

Lando turns around with a confused expression on his face. “You’re telling me after 4 years you don’t know what-“ He pauses when noticing her amused smile. He finally realized what she was trying to say. “I should dress her in orange!”

“Bingo.”

A week later right before it was time for the gala, you received a selfie taken by Lando of course with Evie next to him. She wore a white dress with orange floral print and a matching orange sweater. He even styled her brown curls into two little ponytails at the top with orange bows.

Lando was ecstatic to show his daughter to everyone. It was a special day for him and for little Evie, even if she had no idea what was going on. The moment he stepped on the red carpet with Evie in one arm and a baby bag in the other, the cameras went crazy.

He half expected her to shy away from the cameras but she’s as extroverted as her father. Evie smiled widely at the cameras and even signaled Lando that she wanted to be put down.

She immediately posed for the cameras. Remembering the past times of Y/n taking pictures of her. Although she was only a year and a half, she acted with confidence and spun around for the cameras.

Evie seemed so comfortable in the spotlight that Lando was taken aback, but nonetheless, he bursted into laughter. Once she felt like she was done posing, she went to her father to take a couple pictures with him.

At the end of the carpet, little Evie saw the familiar face is Lissie who watches her with a wide smile.

“Is that the Evie Norris?” Lissie exclaims as Lando walks up to her. She bends down to gently pinch the baby’s cheek.

“She’s my date tonight.” The McLaren driver says with a proud smile, picking her up in his arms. Evie leans her head against his shoulder.

Lissie lets out a chuckle and asks, “No Y/n? Well, I’m glad to have this munchkin!”

“Ah, you know, work got her busy but she’s savin’ people so I’m proud of her.”

Lissie proceeded to ask him a couple of questions in relation to the gala and upcoming events. By the time Lando answered the last question, she notices how Evie was patiently waiting.

“So, Evie,” She says, her smile turning wider as the one year old immediately leaned up. “Who dressed you?” She asks, holding the microphone close to her.

“Mama.”

Lando lets out a dramatic gasp which made his daughter burst into fits of giggles. Even Y/n, who was watching the live stream during her break, bursted into laughter.

“Evie Abigail Norris!” He gasps, “It’s not good to lie! Tell everyone who really dressed you.”

Evie lets out a squeal into the microphone before admitting, “Papa!” She exclaims. She points to the orange flower and mumbles, “Papaya. McLaren.”

Lando wore the proudest smile on his face as he hears the mumbles of his daughter. She was his pride and joy. Her voice, despite only being one, was so much like his. Her laugh was exactly his. Everything about her was exactly like him and he loved it.

Lissie couldn’t hold back her laugh as Evie continued to repeat her words. “Well, princess Evie, Lando, I hope you both have a wonderful night. Not too many sweets for the little one, eh?”

“Trust me, if I gave her sweets, Mom would be upset.” Lando replies with a smile. “Say ‘bye’ to Lissie.” He says to his daughter. Evie immediately waved at Lissie and mumbles a ‘goodbye’ before Lando excuses himself.

Evie lays her head against Lando’s shoulder as they made their way into the venue. He pressed a kiss on her messy curls before gently resting his cheek against hers. “We’re gonna have so much fun tonight, aren’t we Evie.”

In response, she wraps her arms as much as she could around Lando to press a kiss on his cheek. “Fun. Fun.” She mumbles, already seemingly tired.

“I love you, my sweet girl.”

[discworldwitches]

[id: screenshot of a tiktok of a woman with the text: while you’re struggling to pay your rent this month I just want you to remember that israel gets subsidized housing, subsidized groceries, free healthcare, updated infrastructure because the USA and Germany has given them multi billion dollars in citizen tax money.]

this is a dangerous narrative. the “im struggling to pay my rent because of my taxes and my taxes go to subsidize cushy lives in israel” is dangerous and a short logical leap from “jews are stealing our hard earned money. the working class and poor are oppressed by jews.”

and that’s not how the money works, much of it goes towards the military and “aid packages” represent value not liquid cash (so weapons sent are represented in $$$ form.) and the state operates the way above bc ben gurion & co were socialists. plus, as far as i know, things are relatively similar to the uk with high costs of living but subsidized housing, public healthcare etc.

money from germany often does not go whatsoever into the pockets of israeli holocaust survivours (which is what it’s desiginated for as holocaust reparations (and bc companies that significantly contribute to the german GDP collaborated with nazis/used the labour of enslaved jews) ) (NOTE: it's military aid; money to compensate holocaust victims and survivors ended in 2018, which as i mentioned, did not go into individuals pockets) let alone israelis who are not survivours. many holocaust survivours living there live in poverty. there are literally videos of some picking through refuse produce.

it’s deeply heinous that palestinian american & palestinian german taxes go in part towards the weapons used to genocide palestinians including their own families. OP's post is not about that. she is not acknowledging that or really any connection between the USA and the occupation forces. instead OP is making it sound like israelis live comfortable lives with little expenditures off of the backs of american workers which is a few steps away from protocols shit at best. the idea that jews are enslaving or profitting off on those who are not jewish, especially the working class & poor, is textbook antisemitic conspiracy.

[triannel]

Okay angst...I wanna try and request one with Bill...

Where Bill is doing his absolute best to save Human Female Reader from dying after one of Bill's Manipulated Human puppet came in and took reader out thinking that Reader is the root of Bill's Imprisonment in Theraprism

(PS: He successeded but now his more wary and more Protective and more clingy to reader)

Well...I think I got even more spoiled of TBOB lol. Not really sure how his power works right after being imprisoned so things might not make sense...

There You Are

Bill Cipher x Reader | Oneshot | Angst/Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of Blood, Injuries, Bill Cipher lol, Unhealthy Attachment to Reader, Possession, Near Death Experience

---√-------√-------√-------√-------√----

Heaving in distress, you held your stomach tightly, trying to stop yourself from bleeding out. Taking in deep breaths, you slowly descended to the ground as the puppet stood in front of you.

Slowly but surely, your consciousness was slipping away. The utter terror in your mind becoming blurry as you began to black out. You didn't even know what you did to deserve this. However, before your body accepted it's fate, your eyes managed to catch a glimpse of someone else quickly approaching.

----√----√----√

Once Bill found out what happened, he quickly took over another worshippers body. From head to toe, all he could feel at that moment was absolute terror. He could not even feel anger towards the person who did this to you. All he cared about at the moment was you.

He can't afford to lose you. No, he just can't. You're his better half, his love, the one person he managed to care about in a trillion years, the only person he'll consider his equal remember? You can't leave him now...

Doing all he can, he rips off some of his clothes or anything that he can use to wrap your wound. He doesn't exactly know how to drive so, quickly he'd force someone to drive both of you to the hospital.

Holding a knife out, he holds you close behind the driver's seat.

"Whoa man. I don't want any trouble..." The driver spoke in a panicked state, seeing the bloody mess you both are in.

"DRIVE TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!" He shouts loudly from behind, pointing the knife to the drivers neck.

"Okay! Okay.." The driver mutters under his breath.

"AND SPEED IT UP WILL YA!?" Bill shouts once more, slightly making the edge of the knife touch the drivers neck for a second.

The driver complied and stepped on the gas pedal, making the car speed up greatly.

(Bills POV)

Flashing by the pastures of the town, Bills gaze landed on your unconscious body. A pang of... guilt? No, a pang of extreme worry, he guessed, was all he could feel right now. Although there might be a tinge of anger in between for that stupid meatsack...

You really got him more messed up huh? All this commotion just for you. He hasn't been able to feel this way in an incredibly long time, he's never gone out of his way to actually do something like this, so please, for what's left of his sanity deep inside, please be okay.

Fixing your position, a few strands of your hair then manages to cover your face. After placing it back behind your ears, he held your chin for moment as he felt a slight twinge of discomfort seeing you so lifeless.

Once you both got to the hospital, he pushed through the doors and demanded a doctor to treat you right away, almost triggering security guards to lunge at him, but fortunately, they saw your critical state and directed a team to take care of both of you.

"THIS ISN'T MY BLOOD, JUST GO AND HELP HER!" Bill spoke, pushing a few nurses off him.

----√---√---√---√---

He was restless the whole time. Walking back and forth his mind managed to make him feel even worse as he thought about the great possibility of losing you.

What if you lost too much blood? What if something wrong happened while the healthcare workers are treating you? What if you actually died right after they took you? What if-

Shaking his head, he forces himself to calm down, taking deep breaths as he fiddled anxiously while he continued to stand near the door separating him and you. 'Relax! It's okay...it's not a big deal...' He thought, quickly trying to make peace of the worst possible thing that could happen.

Looking down at his hands, he held his fingers together, touching your dried blood on his palm. Standing quietly, he continued to wait, strangely taking comfort on the only thing he could associate to you.

Sooner or later, a few people managed to farce him to go clean up and take a shower as this was a hospital after all. The blood staining his clothes was not at all welcome. Begrudgingly, he did end up complying. He would never have done so, but he knew he had to if he wanted to see you.

Quickly stealing clothes from somewhere, he went back to his post as soon as he got cleaned.

...

After a few more hours, his mind could not let him rest at all. Sitting impatiently outside, waiting for someone to let him see you again.

Finally, after a long wait, a nurse approached him, "Hello...Mr..?"

"Cipher." He spoke in a passive but eerily empty tone, it seems he couldn't hold out his charm right now as his worries managed to eat him up when he was waiting.

"Ms. Cipher is now stabilized" the nurse spoke, assuming both of you are together, "You can now go inside."

Quick on his feet, his quirky smile appeared once more as he saw you. You were not awake yet, but it was enough for him to feel relieved.

(End POV)

After Bill entered the room, he absolutely refused to go out right after. Not until...

Fluttering open, like a butterfly starting to spread it's wings to soar through the air, you opened your eyes slightly to see... him. Blinking even more, you woke up feeling groggy.

He held your chin up to him, his smile seeming genuinely joyful to see you.

"There you are..." He mumbled under his breath.

"Good morning sleeping beauty!" he spoke, the window behind him showing the dark night sky, "You had quite the hit there..."

"Good evening to you too?" You spoke, still trying to register where you are.

"Aww don't you recognize your old pal?" He made a triangle shape with his hands, before bending down near you and placing his eye in the middle of the shape to make his thin pupil more noticable.

Rasing your eyebrows, you slowly start to become more active as a smile sprouted on your face, "Bill!"

Standing straight, he fixed himself slightly,

"Yep, the one and only!"

Slowly looking around, your mind registers the hospital room you're now in. Hearing the heart rate monitor, you quickly get reminded by the wound on your stomach.

Thinking about it, you mind quickly connected the dots, "Then that would mean-"

"Yeah, yeah, it's not a big deal toots!" He spoke, adjusting his outfit once more.

"Still though, thank you." You spoke, continuing to smile up at him.

"Well, when you get out, remember to pay me back okay?" He spoke, in a joking manner, before giving you a wink.

You chuckle at his remark, nodding your head slightly.

----√----√----√----

Right after that day, the same person who slit your stomach came by to apologize to you. You soon found out how you even got wrapped into this mess. The person did end up paying all your hospital bills though but right after that, you never saw that person again.

Night after night, you'd always get visited by Bill Cipher himself. Maybe as an apology or some sort of penance, he'd always manage to make your dreams relaxing and more amazing. If you mention it, he'd flat out ignore you and make your dream even more amazing to distract you.

Although he doesn't talk about it, you do notice his clinginess level reach even higher than before. He'd subtly sneak tiny compliments here and there, he's always near you in your dreams, he'd frequently try to visit you in real life by possessing the same person he used in the hospital.

You're also not entirely sure if it's his doing, however, you found yourself to be quite lucky a bunch of times. When you're about to get hurt, you or something else often manages to stop anything from hurting you. Perhaps it's just luck, however something tells you it's most likely not.

[hellyeahsickaf]

I get disability memes on my Pinterest feed but after getting one for ER Drs/nurses that I found concerning, I kept seeing more and more like it and I went down a rabbit hole. I know it's one of the most stressful jobs someone can have and I really appreciate the medical staff that have been kind to me. These things are definitely made by the types of people who haven't been.

I think it's important because memes are kind of a way to let off steam but they mean what they're saying. They're not just jokes but they're framed in a way that they can say it more comfortably. Sometimes they're just straight up admitting to crimes and malpractice. It's like when someone says something that crosses a line in a joking tone so that if you feel attacked they insist it's just a joke and you're taking it too seriously. But my life is constantly in the hands of these people and I've been mistreated time and time again by medical personnel

I'm gonna go through them because honestly I hate them and there are a lot of repeating themes

These are extremely common. The focus of the meme being that a whiny patient is asking for pain medication that they clearly don't need. Something commonly mentioned in these is disbelief that the patient has an allergy because it's common for someone trying to get drugs to claim they have an allergy.

Also the Confucius one is both ableist and racist so double whammy I guess!

I've dealt with people I know are silently assuming this of me. I'm allergic to NSAIDs- deathly allergic and at risk for asphyxiation or anaphylactic shock. Medical staff sometimes have this attitude of "we know when you're faking your pain" (no really I had one say this shit on my post about this) and that has traumatized me immeasurably because they'd rather me wait for 4+ hours in some of the worst pain of my life than risk the possibility of me being an awful scheming mustache twirling addict.

This category is just as common. "I don't like you so I'm going to drug you". That's more fucked up than they seem to think it is.

Then there's the category of "you're a whiny little bitch and I don't believe a word out of your mouth". Which contributes heavily to medical malpractice and abuse

Again these are doctors and nurses making these, people responsible for treating patients with care and dignity and respect. Especially if they want any in return

Aaaaand this one is just a crime. One that's happened to me actually- reporting examinations that never happened to get rid of me because I was such a nuisance (crying, hardly coherent, drenched in sweat, 9/10 pain on arrival)

And then there are the ones like "don't mess with me because i handle your treatment/meds 💕". Things like "the way you treat me is the deciding factor for how fast I'm going to get your painkillers 😊". Which to me is just... evil?

I've never in my life mistreated medical staff but people in a lot of pain get mean sometimes. It's a survival instinct actually- for aggression to accompany pain or panic. Not that it's ever okay but it isn't personal

These are just a few examples really, there are so fucking many of these with this awful, cruel, cynical tone. There are some funny ones that aren't mean or degrading towards patients but so many of them are and in nearly every one I see a mean spirited healthcare worker that I've encountered at some point who damaged me in ways I will never psychologically recover from

[andhumanslovedstories]

hey here's another question that I've been thinking about for about a week with no particular breakthrough. I'm so much on the healthcare side that all my advice is on that side. Dude, I read academic articles for this and didn't come up with anything particularly useful. That's why I'm answering this publicly, so other people hopefully add something useful. (Also I know you said you're not looking for opioids. I'm gonna talk about opioids anyway they certainly affect perceptions of chronic pain. In your case, try making clear early on that you don't want opioids.)

I'll say some things that I've noticed from my work to maybe provide some insight into healthcare's side of the exchange. I'm not saying this is the way things should be, I'm giving advice based on how I see things are. I wish I could say this wasn't the case, but when there's a pain medication standoff, the two ways I've seen it work out best for a patient are:

A third party advocates for the patient. (like family, nurse, social worker, different specialist, patient advocate, etc)

Change in caregiver.

I don't like those as the top answers, but that's what I've seen and it's consistent with a lot of the accounts I encountered. There is also a third way that the pain medication standoff can quickly end in a patient's favor:

3. New evidence (new symptom, imaging, vital signs, lab test, etc) forces a reexamination of how we're thinking about the patient.

This is also the "oh shit they seem worse" method, but it can also be "we have gained new information that re-contextualizes the information we already knew." This is like hey the xray came back, your whole bone is dust, or hey your blood pressure is now significantly higher, or hey oops your appendix exploded.

In all three cases, something new happens to change the dynamic. This works for healthcare providers operating in good faith because someone comes in fresh and/or the new dynamic causes the healthcare team to do a new assessment and cost/benefit analysis with this updated information. This works for healthcare providers operating in bad faith because they are either removed from the situation or put in a position where giving pain medication is less onerous than not giving pain medication. I genuinely, genuinely believe far more healthcare employees are operating in good faith rather than bad faith, although the end results can look the same from the patient side. This means I think that far more people are swayed by additional information that makes pain management have more benefit and less cost.

I don't know how actionable any of this is from the patient side unfortunately. I don't love being like "my advice? wait till shift change, see if you can shake it up." Bring someone to the emergency department with you if you have someone available, preferably someone prepared to make a fuss on your behalf. If you don't have a third person, see if you can get one. Hospitals can have patient advocate as a job. If they aren't available, is there someone on your healthcare team that seems most sympathetic? Try asking them if they have any advice. They might be able to give you some, they might advocate for you. Be careful about badmouthing staff to other staff and avoid compliments to one member of the team that relies on insulting another member. You don't know the relationships at play, and it's sort of like how you shouldn't trash talk your old job when interviewing for a new job. You may be completely right in everything you're saying, but being like "my boss was a crazy asshole who refused to recognize my work," doesn't come off as objective. It can undercut your credibility and introduce hostility into the conversation where it is not productive.

I'd also be prepared to talk about what you already tried to relieve the pain. Again, with you I'd mention upfront that you don't want opioids because they don't work for you. Then say what you have already tried at home before you came in (tylenol, ibpurofen, heating, ice, exercises, stretching, shower, other meds, etc) and the effect of both the pain (can't sleep, makes you nauseated, had to call off sick from work, aren't able to be a caregiver to someone, etc) and your already attempted interventions (no significant pain control, symptoms got worse, called PCP, they said emergency was the next step, etc). If your condition is chronic, compare it on the pain scale and the functionality scale to your baseline. (i.e. "I'm always at least a 3 out of ten on the pain scale, but it doesn't usually leave me bedbound." "Normally Symptom improves after Intervention At Home, but that didn't work this time.") Something that can make providers hesitant is if opioids, benzos, or other powerful drugs are the first and only thing a patient says will help and they're unwilling to try anything else, so sometimes demonstrating flexibility with your pain plan can signal "I'm not here for oxy to sell, I'm here because I want my symptoms to stop (and, if relevant, figure out what is causing them)."

Also if you can and feel safe doing so, consider providing feedback to the hospital. Nothing changes without something documented.

[writing-for-marvel]

Triage

[He’s Hazardous To My Health Series]

Paramedic!Bucky Barnes x Resident!Fem!Reader

Series Masterlist | PART 2 > >

Summary: A slightly reckless and exceedingly charming paramedic carries a young girl into your ER, proving that not all superheroes wear capes.

Warnings: strictly 18+ due to the AU, set in an emergency room, I am not a healthcare worker and my medical knowledge is limited to what I’ve seen in Greys Anatomy lol, incident where people are injured from a derailed train, mentions of wounds & surgery & loss of life, injuries to a young child, needles & stitching, my terrible attempt at writing flirty banter

Word count: 3.2k

A/N: based off the winner of this poll, we say hello to paramedic!Bucky ❤️ this is my first entry for the Connect 4: Into an Alternate June-iverse Event by @buckybarnesevents, fulfilling the prompt ‘First Responder AU’. Thank you to @rookthorne who looked this over for me and gave me the confidence to keep writing it 🩵 banners by @vase-of-lilies

Main Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Taglist | Library

“Incoming trauma. Train collided with a car and derailed. First wave ETA three minutes.”

At the moment your director of emergency medicine announces the tragedy and flood of imminently arriving patients, the televisions in the emergency room switch to breaking news - a presenter, wearing a solemn expression, speaks as a split screen shows what you can only describe as a colossal catastrophe.

The ER becomes silent as all eyes focus on the screens, only the rhythmic beeping of the pulse oximeters cut through the silence, a heavy weight blanketing the room as the realisation of what you’re seeing sets in.

You can’t hear what precisely he’s saying, but you can’t bring yourself to look away whilst watching the live chopper vision of smoke billowing from the train laying unnaturally on its side, barely any movement from the scene makes you wonder if anyone could have survived the incident.

The three minutes before the ambulances arrive go by in a flash, feeling like you hardly have time to mentally prepare for the extent of injuries and potential loss of life you will be facing. Then, almost in an instant, as if flicking a switch, chaos in its purest form descends upon the emergency room.

You watch on as paramedics and firefighters wheel patients in on gurneys, one by one filling up the limited trauma beds in the ER. Dr Stephen Strange directs medical personnel, making sure each case is assigned to an appropriate physician, the more serious injuries bypassing trauma intake all together and heading straight towards surgery.

Your eyes land on one man in particular between the sensory overload of people - tall, broad shoulders with long chestnut hair, carrying a young girl with one strong arm as he pushes a gurney with the other. Who you can only assume is the girl's mother, is unconscious and has blood staining the roots of her long blonde hair. Your heart aches for them as she’s handed over to the surgery team in wait, and even though the ER is filled with many conflicting loud voices, you hear the high pitched cry of the young girl for her mommy. The paramedic, now with his second arm free, pulls her into his chest before making his way to one of the trauma beds.

“You!” Dr Strange’s voice pulls your attention back to the fray and you find he’s pointing directly to you - you’ll forgive him for forgetting the name of a new resident during this moment of crisis. “The young girl with Barnes, she’s your responsibility.” That’s all the instruction he has time for before moving onto the next resident.

As you make your way through the maze of people towards the young girl, your mind flashes back to the footage of the wreckage and how grim it appeared. It seems like a miracle that this young girl is conscious and looks relatively unharmed with the exception of a few abrasions.

“I’m the one who brought her in, she’ll be all alone while her mother is in surgery, all I’m asking is to stay with her while she gets examined.” The well-built paramedic, Barnes, argues with your head nurse, pride and admiration swelling warm in your chest - he’s standing up for a scared, young girl who can’t voice what she needs right now.

“That’s perfectly fine.” You cut in, knowing Christine is a stickler for protocol and would never allow non-family members to stay with patients, even in dire circumstances. If there is a time to bend the rules slightly, you figure this is it. “I think she feels a lot more comfortable with you here anyway, isn’t that right sweetie?” The young girl nods her head, little hands reaching out to grab hold of the paramedics’ large one, eyes brimming with frightened tears.

“Thank you.” He mouths as Christine storms off to deal with the many other patients that require her attention. Your focus now switches to the precious girl in front of you - no matter how hectic the ER gets, how devastating the incident is, your thoughts need to be directed solely on her care, and not ogling at the attractive EMT who is currently soothing her.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” You ask the scared, little girl, but not before offering your own as a sign of good faith. She looks up to Barnes for reassurance before answering.

“Sasha.” She confesses with a small voice, partially hiding her face in the broad paramedic’s arm as she does so.

“Okay Sasha, I’m here to check you over, help patch up these cuts and make sure you have no other injuries so we can get you up to see your mommy as soon as possible. Can I do that for you?” She nods her head, sitting up a little straighter in the bed all the while maintaining a tight hold on Barnes’ hand.

“Can you tell me who your friend here is, Sasha?” You ask as you start your examination, feeling the medics’ pair of eyes watching you intently, something more than just concern for your patient's well-being has heat creeping up your chest to the tips of your ears in silent attraction.

“Bucky. He pulled me from the train.”

“All by himself? Wow, he must be super strong to do that.” You glance up at Bucky to find him staring at you with what you hope is a mixture of captivation and endearment. He offers an enchanting smile, making butterflies, which have no right to exist in an emergency room, flutter in your stomach.

“He also got my mommy too.” Sasha adds, you suspect with the youthful intent to impress you even more.

“As well!” You say in a dramatic tone which makes her beam a proud smile that she did in fact amaze you. “Sasha, I think you got rescued by a real life superhero.” You continue in a staged whisper that not only has Sasha giggling, but brings a flush to Bucky’s cheeks. The bashful blush only makes him more attractive in your eyes.

As you continue your examination, cleaning and bandaging all lacerations, keeping Sasha distracted by asking about her favourite activities and animals, you can progressively feel her opening up and trusting you more. From your experience, it can be difficult to earn a child’s trust when they are in such a foreign place, surrounded by strangers, and in particular in this scenario, when a parent isn’t around. Having Bucky, whom she formed a bond with as soon as he rescued her from the train, stay by her side through the ordeal, has been to both your benefit.

Once you cleaned all her cuts, making sure Bucky held her hands so Sasha could squeeze when the disinfectant caused a sharp, stinging sensation, you begin examining her stomach, prodding her abdomen for any signs of tenderness.

“Does that hurt, Sasha?” You enquire when she flinches and whines at your touch.

“Yes, right there.” You're proud she trusts you enough to admit that, though now concerned about potential internal bleeding. You need to act fast, but you don’t want to instil more fear in her given she’s already had a large dose today.

“Okay, it’s nothing to worry about yet, but I’m going to order you a scan so we can see what’s going on in your tummy.” Your eyes flick instinctively to Bucky, to provide some consolation in a time where you’re both worried about the young girl you’ve both become attached to in such a short time. You see the considerable concern furrowed in his brow soften when his eyes meet yours.

“Will it hurt?” Sasha’s frightened voice breaks your heart - she’s had to endure enough pain and suffering for the day, watching her mother cling to life in an ambulance, you’re desperate not to add to it.

“Not at all, it’s as painless as having your picture taken!” You explain, watching the alarm melt from her features, and feeling the tension in Bucky’s shoulders relax simultaneously. “All you have to do is stay really, really still, can you do that for Bucky and I?” The notion that there is a Bucky and you makes something in your chest buoyant.

“Yes!” She promises without missing a beat and Bucky squeezes her small hands with a relieved smile.

When Sasha’s attention turns to the nurse whose job it is to take her up for the scan, you notice Bucky discretely wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. He says a sweet goodbye before she’s wheeled away, knowing this is where a paramedic and hospital patient part ways. Sasha enthusiastically waves back to both of you as the nurses wheels her away, not stopping until they turn a corner and she’s completely out of sight.

Bucky clears the lump in his throat before stating, “I think it’s my turn to leave now.”

“Don’t think I can’t see you wincing every time you move. Sit your cute butt down, you aren’t going anywhere till I check you over too.” You say as you finish completing the form to refer Sasha for the CT scan, missing the downright cheeky smirk plastered on Bucky's face.

“You think I have a cute butt, huh?” You can hear the smugness in his voice and you have to fight the corners of your mouth from upturning in a smile. He does have a cute butt - not that you’ve been staring - but you’re certainly not admitting that to his gorgeous face.

“Not the point - now, shirt off so I can take a look.” Finishing your paperwork, you finally look up to notice his cocked head and flirty smile. Having studied long hours in med school and worked even longer hours all last year as an intern, you recognise it’s been a while since a stranger has looked at you with this level of desire.

“At least buy me dinner before you ask to see me naked.”

“I’m a doctor, I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” You challenge, even though you’re positive his strapping frame, which fills out his uniform completely, will be even more impressive without a shirt. You have to swallow the saliva forming in your mouth so you quite literally don’t drool at the thought of his unclad body.

“Why don’t we find an on-call room and I can prove to you it’s not.” He teases in a low, alluring voice and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself smiling like an idiot - it, however, does not stop your face from warming like a heating pad. It’s infuriating how beautiful he is, and it’s definitely criminal to act as cocky as he is right now.

“Only if you let me patch you up first.” You bargain.

Bucky finally concedes, unbuttoning and shrugging off his uniform shirt to reveal a wound in his side about the length of a teaspoon which is still trickling blood. The tightening concern which overwhelms your body at the sight of the gash, which is much worse than you predicted he’d be concealing and will require stitches, distracts you from the allure of seeing his shirtless chest.

You shake your head, knowing he would have been fully aware he was injured since pulling Sasha and her mom from the train, and in an incredible amount of pain, but waited until others received treatment before allowing himself to be tended to.

“You should have told me about this.” Tentatively you place gauze over the cut, gently applying pressure to stop the oozing but not firm enough where he’s in pain. You can feel his attentive eyes following your every careful move, and maybe it’s just your imagination, but you swear you can hear his breath hitch in his throat and feel his thumping heartbeat quicken as your hands graze his bare skin.

“There are many people in need of more urgent care than me.”

You look up at him from your position tending to his abdomen to find his face intimately close to yours. You can’t help yourself, being this close to him, but your eyes flicker to his lips, noticing a faint scar along his top lip you could only perceive by being this close.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it at all.”

Bucky gazes deeply into your eyes with a vulnerability which makes you doubt whether anyone has ever appraised him that he is worth taking care of. The thought feels like a punch to your gut.

“It’s relatively superficial, I can look after it myself.” He attempts to brush you off. If this weren’t your first time meeting the guy, and you didn’t feel like you were overstepping by protesting, you wouldn’t let him dismiss you so easily. “Can’t you overlook protocol this one time and give me the okay to get back out in the field? We are still looking through the wreckage for survivors, need all hands on deck” He flashes you wide, puppy dog eyes which have you melting at the knees. You suspect this isn’t the first time he’s used this ploy to get what he wants.

As if he can sense your resolve dissolving the longer you look in his mesmerising eyes, he starts to stand. But no, you aren’t going to let those ocean blues and infectious smile stop you from doing your job, and showing Bucky that his well-being is just as important as anyone else who came into the ER today. Placing your hands on his bare, broad shoulders, you push him back down onto the bed.

“You won’t be able to help anyone when you’re back in here with sepsis because this wound got infected.” You comment as you prepare the suture kit and implements you’ll need to first clean out the wound.

“At least that way I’d be able to see you again.” He jests, before sharp intake of breath as you begin disinfecting and debriding the laceration.

Even though you realise he’s joking, hopefully only about not taking care of his wound properly and not about wanting to see you again, you suspect there’s a small sliver of truth he’s hiding. There typically is a grain of truth in every joke - he seriously would have returned to the scene without receiving treatment if you hadn’t stopped him, twice.

“You don’t need the excuse of a life threatening illness to see me again. In fact, I would prefer it that way.”

Bucky eyes you with fondness as you finish up washing out his wound, even through the sharp sting and you expressing your disapproval of his careless actions. You’re not sure what you’ve done to deserve the warmth in his gaze, but you enjoy it nonetheless.

Once the area is numbed, you can instantly sense the ease which overcomes Bucky at no longer being in discomfort. Though the grunts and groans that slipped past his lips were rather sexy, you much rather seeing him in an absence of pain.

The two of you stay in comfortable silence as you lend all your attention to the placement and execution of each stitch, knowing that if you do a good enough job, a wound this size will heal to an almost imperceptible scar. Though it’s difficult, you restrain your focus from how the taut muscles of his stomach flex as you're working.

“Alright, almost good as new.” Is what you comment once you’ve thrown the last stitch and placed a bandage over the area. “You’re ready to get back to being a real life superhero.” You tease, knowing the effect the word had on him last time. You’re pleased to see that same blush bloom lightly over his high cheekbones.

“Thanks for lookin’ after me, doc.” Bucky shows his gratitude with a lopsided smile you could get so used to basking in. As he buttons up his shirt, you allow your eyes to linger on his clearly defined abs for a second before they’re covered over. He really has no right to be as gorgeous and charming as he is. “And for being such a bright light in what has otherwise been a very dark day.”

“Same to you, Bucky.” Guilt eats away at a small part of you that during what is for a lot of people in this hospital such a tragic day, you’ve instead actually enjoyed the company of a cheeky paramedic.

“Take care of Sasha for me, won’t you?”

“She’s in the best hands.”

“I don’t doubt that for a minute.” He says with a tone which makes you think he’s only referring to you, when you were in fact meaning the entire hospital staff. Your heart flutters at the implication.

When neither of you say anything more, silence lingering for an almost awkward length, Bucky turns to leave. Even though you know you eventually must part ways, your heart aches that the end has seemingly come so soon. Luckily, you have a reason to call him back and spend an extra moment together.

“Hang on, you need to sign a release form before you’re allowed to go.” You say, hand brushing his as you provide a clipboard and pen, a shiver running up your arm which you hope Bucky doesn’t notice. If he does, he doesn’t mention it as instead he quickly surveils the document and chuckles.

“If you wanted my phone number, all you had to do was ask.” Damn him and that cheeky, smug grin you’re already falling for.

“This is purely protocol.” You counter, wanting to take his cocky persona down a peg. Bucky simply smirks, as if he can easily see through your half-truth like glass.

“So you’re telling me you don’t want my number?” He challenges, and though you don’t want to admit he’s won this back and forth between the two of you, you’ll consider yourself a winner as long as you come away with a means of contacting him after today.

“I didn’t say that.”

He hands you back the clipboard, a corner of the sheet torn off with his number scribbled specifically for you to take. You try not to look too desperate by taking the note immediately and putting it in your pocket as you plan on doing as soon as he isn’t watching you.

“The next time I see you, I hope we won’t be in an emergency room.” The suggestion there will be a next time makes giddiness rise in your chest as if you’re a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Don’t count your luck, James.” You tease, having spied his true first name on his patient form. “I haven’t called yet.” You try to sound calm, even though you can feel your heartbeat quickening the longer those captivating blue eyes regard your every move.

“I have a feeling you will, even if it is just to tell me Sasha’s pulled through alright,” Bucky pauses, slowly leaning in so you have a perfect view of his exquisite eyes, and his dilated pupils, as he lowers his voice. “Or for a rain check on that on-call room rendezvous.” He calls your bluff before flashing what you’re now sure is his signature smirk, leaving you with a fluttering heart and butterflies in your stomach.

As you watch Bucky walk out the exit of the ER, turning to shoot you a wink before the door closes behind him, you know three things for certain: firstly, you’ll definitely call him tomorrow, secondly, this man is going to utterly ruin you, and finally, you’re going to let him.

Part 2 > >

Be added to the series taglist here

[missterious-figure]

The package of healthcare products for Sun has finally arrived and has been sent to your office. It is a part of your job to inspect everything that comes into the casino that is intended for the three big stars that's under your care. Whether it would be from a fan or something the boys have ordered themselves like, you need to make sure it's safe for them. You are even required to go through the fan mail, making sure to discard the...umm..."unsavory" ones and let security know what to look out for.

But that's not the case this time since it was something Sun would get on a regular basis. You pull out a large bottle of skincare lotion, specially formulated for avians, including harpies.

Looks like he decided to try a different scent this time, the bottle reading "honeysuckle and clover blossoms" as the fragrance. That is... interesting. It's the scent you have mentioned on passing with a co-worker that this one of your favorites. And now that you're thinking about it, you do remember Sun placing his order later that day.

Must be a coincidence.

Not thinking anymore on it, you take the very expensive bottle of lotion with the intention of dropping it off in his personal dressing room. You knock on his door just out of courtesy before you reach for the knob.

You hear a very delightful trill as a cheerful voice says, "Come in!" Oh, guess Sun is in between his shows. After a moment of hesitation, you open the door with an apologetic tone, saying, "S-sorry for disturbing you. But your package has arrived. "

The beautiful sunny peacock quickly turns his feather-framed face towards his favorite human. "Not at all, darling. Please bring it over here."

You walk over to where he sits at his vanity table, his golden tail feathers drap behind him like the elegant train of a ballgown dress. His pale eyes seem to light up as he sees the bottle in your hands. "Oh, wonderful! I was really looking forward to trying this out. Can you be a dear and help me get these gloves off?" he asks as he extends one of his gloved arms to you.

This isn't the first time any of the boys ask you for help, but it still causes you to flustered each and every time. As best as you can control the trembles in your hands, you help remove one of his silver leather gloves to reveal his ebony scaled arms. He sighs, saying, "Ahh, that's a relief. It can get to tiring wearing these all day." Sun takes the other glove off himself, placing both gloves on his table. Then, he takes in new lotion and rubs the new floral scent into his bird-like skin, which seems to intensify its scent after being activated by body heat.

You know the reason he, and pretty much any of the harpies in the casino, does this is because they are required to cover their arms and legs while on the floor. And because of that, it could cause some irritation to their skin. You do find it such a shame because while most people would find the harpies' skin unattractive, you just can’t help but admire their beauty as Sun continues to lather the coconut oil lotion into his skin.

You are brought out of your trance when you hear Sun chuckles towards your direction. You couldn't help the burn that comes to your face when you look at the smug yet loving expression on his face.

He turns to you as he sticks one of his boot-covered legs out towards you. "Now, if you would be so kind..."

HELLO?! HELLO!?? *CLUTCHING MY CHEST* SUCH. GOOD. WRITING.

Bleh. *Dead*

The ending tho 😳

[ms-hells-bells]

Porn and kink fucking warps your brain

A woman here just got sentenced for possession and distribution of child pornography. She's literally a health worker that also works with sexual abuse victims, some being teens. The material is class A, the most serious kind, news articles refuse to give any description of the content at all, even age of children, its so disturbing.

She was in a bunch of pedophile and fetish forums and saying that she wanted to have a child so that child could be abused and talking about fantasies, and would share images she found with people in these sites. To me, it clearly started from fetish content and progressed to real life. They are even investigating if her choice in career was influenced by her paraphilia.

She was only sentenced to 11 months home detention and granted name suppression AND NOT PUT ON THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY!!! Judge claimed "mitigating factors and remorsefulness". I'm sorry, but regardless of male or female, if you consume child pornography, you are an active danger to children and should not be out in society. She literally wants to have a kid so it can be abused (the phrasing makes me think she wants a girl to be abused by a man).

It's notable though, that this is so rare that news articles are specifying "female healthcare worker" in their headlines, despite a majority of healthcare workers being women. When it's a man stated by his profession, the headline is just the profession without sex mentioned, because it's near given its a man.

[chickenparm]

doctor's note (Wriothesley/dfab!Reader)

banner by @lemonemlyn my sweet..... :^) you can see the full piece here!

AO3 Link

Wriothesley/Reader (afab genitals, no mentions of breasts) 2,170 Words - NSFW (Mild blood kink, P in V, semi-public in that someone could walk on in, Reader's a bit of a freak)

---

If you liked the Duke any less, this job would be significantly worse than it already is. 

Long hours, untraditional pay, low vitamin D levels… Sure, you're allowed to leave, but then that comes with the caveat of being unable to return unless it's in handcuffs. 

Maybe the Duke's handcuffs…

Sharply, you shake your head. No matter how many times you've done it, stitches still need at least some focus to keep them straight and even. Not to mention the patient has been chatting at you the entire time. You've done six without realizing it. They’re a little uneven, but seem fine to the untrained eye. They’ll do. 

“Don’t move your arm too much, no heavy lifting. Do you need a note for the supervisors? You’ll be out of the coupons for whatever days you take off, but they won’t be able to use the absence against you during duty assignment.” You say, gathering your tools and carefully disposing of the sharps in the special little container that Sigewinne had recently provided. 

Again, the patient says something or other, but even after trying to shake yourself free of your thoughts, somehow they wander back to the other day when you’d seen the Duke walk by and his coat has shifted just enough so you could get a nice eyeful of his-

“Give me a moment and I’ll get the note written up for you.”

You bite down hard enough on your tongue that you’re almost certain you’ll have to give yourself the same half-assed stitch job you just gave this foundry worker. Thankfully, he doesn’t bat an eye as you finish cleaning up and disposing of your gloves, then move to the desk to write out the same familiar, rehearsed lines detailing how long he could use it for. 

The patient thanks you profusely, secretly tucking a few credit coupons into your palm as he takes the note. Healthcare is free down here in the Fortress, but some remnant of the overworld lingers in everyone and they feel some need to compensate you for your service. 

Your pay comes out of the Fortress’ coffers, but that doesn’t stop you from pocketing them with a smile and a wave for him to get a move on. The next shift will be starting, and he’ll be expected to report there if he knows what’s good for him. 

And then it’s quiet once more. 

Or as quiet as Meropide can be. The production zone is always a faint noise in the distance during working hours, a constant clang-clang-clang of forged gears, consistent enough that it lets you fall into a rhythm of cleaning used tools, restocking supplies, looking over paperwork that’s filled with Sigewinne’s little doodles in the corner. Is that supposed to be the Duke…?

“Keeping busy?”

No, that’s the Duke. 

You spin and nearly knock over the lantern on the table, blindly reaching to grab it before it can topple to the floor. At the bottom of the steps is the Duke, one hand wrapped around the railing while the other is pressed to his cheek. For a moment, he looks just as bewildered as you before he swiftly regains his bearings and pulls his hand away from his face. 

Tacky threads of red stretch and snap across the short distance, and you realize that he’s bleeding. Again. For the third time this week. 

Making a sound behind your teeth with your tongue, you cross the room to reach for his elbow and guide him to the bed that hasn’t been used yet today. The sheets are fresh enough to not smell like anything at all - almost the best you can get in Meropide. With any luck, by the time he’s finished here, they’ll be inundated with the smell of spices and black tea. 

And if you’re quick enough, Sigewinne won’t even notice you’ve swapped the bedding out to be ferretted back to your quarters. 

“What was it this time, your grace? Pankration ring? Breaking up a brawl over who got a better meal from the cafeteria?” You ask, pulling his hand away and gently grasping his chin to turn his head so you can see better in the light. With the light hitting its sharp angle, his jaw works back and forth for a moment before he shakes his head minutely. 

And when you don’t say anything to encourage him to be a little more forthcoming, he finally says, “Do you think I should do something about the top shelving in my office? Seems a bit weak…”

“You didn’t.” You murmur in quiet disbelief, letting your hand slip a little from his chin. His clean hand grasps at your wrist as if to keep you there. “A book…?”

“One of the old accounting ledgers. With the metal binding.”

Another sound of disappointment behind your teeth as you take better note of his injury. It’s a clean one, all things considered. Shouldn’t need stitches, just a disinfecting and a bandage, you think. But something feels tense in the air, and your fingers slip from his chin as you try to diffuse it with, “I think I’ll need Sigewinne for this one, it looks bad. She’ll mix up some medicine for you to down-”

“Leave me to die.”

It’s delivered with such a straight tone that you’re caught off guard. A snort of amusement leaves you, and your hand raises to cover your mouth. Wriothesley isn’t quick enough to grab your wrist again before you leave a few oval smears of his blood on your cheek, thoughtless of the hand you were using. 

Wriothesley’s hand is smudged with his blood as well, leaving little streaks on your wrist as he looks up at you from his seated position. Your weight shifts to your other foot, your knee brushes his, somehow you gravitate closer. Tea and spices and dull iron seeps into your senses, and for a moment you forget where you are, what you’re doing, and all that attention is shifted to who you’re with. 

Wriothesley, Duke of Meropide, His Grace. His jaw tweaks again, the light catches the smallest rivulet of blood welling up in the bright red of his injury. The smears on your skin are rapidly cooling, and Wriothesley is so warm. 

His tongue darts out, just for a moment, wetting his lip and catching the smallest bit of blood at the corner of his mouth. How does that flavor stack up against his tea, you wonder? Would he let you try? He’s never been a selfish man before now. 

A low murmur leaves him, just barely forming the syllables of your name. If you were any weaker, you’d have dipped down to take what you have your eyes on - that flash of pink from his tongue, the burnt red, the warmth of his skin, everything and anything you could get your hands on before he banished you away. 

But for all the things you want to take, something should be given in exchange. You don’t even get to make the offer before Wriothesley proves you very wrong. He can be selfish. It’s in the way his bloodied hand wraps around the back of your neck to pull you close, in the way his tongue pushes into your mouth and you’re treated to the taste he’d been savoring only a mere moment before. 

Wriothesley takes everything down to the very sound of surprise that leaves your throat, his neck bobbing as he all but swallows it and exchanges for one of his own. The bead of blood on his jaw is smeared by your thumb as you grasp and push, enticing more as he hisses between each movement of his mouth on yours. 

But then he grips harder against the nape of your neck, tugs at the front of your shirt until your balance is lost and you’re all but perched in his lap. Wriothesley accepts you with open arms, all but suffocating you with his scent, his breath across your cheek, his lips moving along your jaw and smearing your face further with the mess. 

His skin is a pretty canvas for the stark red that turns darker as it cools and hardens and flakes away. Maybe yours is pretty as well, with how he sucks marks into your neck and digs his teeth in hard enough that little crescent shapes will show what you did here today. 

Dirtied fingers weave into his hair and tug, and he groans against your skin before bucking his hips upward, grinding against you in a desperate bid for some kind of friction, some sort of reciprocity for you drawing that sound out of him. You’re a little selfish too, but he keeps sweetening the deal. In return, you press harder down against him, roll your hips until he detaches from your skin with a breathless sound of appreciation. 

“Mmh… -time? What time is it?” Each syllable drags his teeth against your skin, and you have trouble comprehending anything at all until you’re able to piece some semblance of rationality together. 

It’s threaded like beads on a string, loose and spaced out, but you gather enough of yourself to answer, “Thirty to twelve-”

“An hour, perfect.”

And then the bed groans and its springs squeal as you’re tossed down, trapped in by long limbs and a thick coat that cuts off the surrounding world. Wriothesley lavishes attention on your neck, your collarbone, his fingers working at buttons and clasps steadily. There’s more than enough time for you to dispute any of this, to mention that there isn’t really a door on the infirmary and anyone could walk in. 

But you don’t, because nothing quite matters to you as much as this does. You don’t get paid enough to care otherwise. 

Wriothesley pulls back, looks down at you as your gaze travels downward between you. A quiet laugh precedes, “Eyes up here. Don’t you think you’ve ogled me enough lately?”

Despite lying down, you’re not going to just take that accusation that way, so you shoot back, “Maybe if you didn’t make it so easy.”

“Cute. You think I just sit around in my office thinking of ways to be your eye candy?” He asks, hooking a hand beneath your knee and hitching it up to his waist, opening you enough that you can feel him against you. Hot, heavy, a pulse that might be his, might be yours. 

And when you don’t answer, his laughter curls beneath your jaw, up around your ear as he leans in, “You’d be right, you know. Now look me in the eye… there you go.” And as if to emphasize himself further, he rocks forward, sliding into you with one, two, three little thrusts before he can bottom out. Before the sharp buckle of his belt digs into your stomach. Before you’re treated to the pretty sight of his eyes unfocusing, just for a moment. 

And you don’t miss a second of it, even as your legs tighten around his hips and your mind grows fuzzy and thick. The Duke had made a simple request, and you’d be damned if you broke away from his gaze to even blink.

Wriothesley leans closer, drowns you once again in a thousand sensations from sight to scent to the incredibly full feeling of his cock driving into you with startling precision. Hour or no, Wriothesley fucks you like he’s only got moments remaining on his lifespan. Like his own thoughts have been just as consumed by you as yours have been with him. 

Your eyes roll, his fingers curl around your chin, another murmured, “Eyes on me,” and when you comply, his thumb drags along your bottom lip. Instinctively, you open, letting him press the pad into your tastebuds and you’re given the metallic taste once more. 

His thumb - cleaned, slick with your spit - slips out of your line of sight to press against you. The timing of his thrusts match the circling of his thumb, pushing and pushing and pushing at you until your cheek stings with how you bite down to hide your sounds of approval. No door, you remind yourself with dreamy thoughts. It barely holds substance in the wake of his smile almost turning into a grin. 

It grows wobbly, the world growing less interesting to look at in the wake of his relentless pursuit of your release. Despite how much you’d like to drag this out, Wriothesley doesn’t seem interested in wasting any time on keeping you fucked open. Just for the moment, just long enough for you to dig into the sheets and a sound that’s near painful with how you fail to stifle it. Only long enough to leave darkness at the edge of your vision, and a warmth seeping out as he pulls away and presses another bloodied kiss to your lips. 

Another kiss to the corner of your mouth, his tongue dragging along the skin of your cheek, his words heavy against your ear, “You gonna steal these sheets, too?”

[t4transsexual]

yknow i dont love the "youre getting gender affirming surgeries? youre amputating HEALTHY BODY PARTS. what if someone just wanted to cut off their leg?" mostly because in my time working in hospitals, i actually did meet a man who did have an elective amputation of his leg while i worked in the hospital (im a healthcare worker when im not busy being trans online btw)

i cant give any information on him due to HIPAA and i think thatd be disrespectful anyway, but it was over a year ago i worked there. and sometimes in hospitals you have "regulars." which sucked; all my regulars were lovely people and i wish they werent in the hospital

regardless, there was a man there who was over 70, and one day i ask him what hes there for, and he tells me why. since hes gotten his knee replacement surgery some time ago, it keeps getting infected. he told me they keep trying to fix it but it keeps coming back. and he tells me he wants an amputation

he says hes reaching the end of his life, and if this is what it took to have a good quality of life so close to the end, hed do it. he didnt want to he in the hospital anymore. he said the nurses and doctors keep trying to talk him out of it, but this is what he wants

before anyone mentions, no, this is not a "crazy person" who is "getting an amputation because he wants to be disabled." he was probably autistic but clearly very mentally stable, he was depressed about being a frequent flier obviously. but this is an elective surgery. under no definition was this medically necessary. he didnt have a tumor, he didnt have cancer, he wasnt going to lose the leg unless he amputated it. he wanted it amputated largely because it would drastically improve the quality of his life

ive been thinking about him a lot since ive been going about the process of getting my gender affirming surgeries later this year. all things considered, he wouldve had more of a chance of having his ailment cured without amputation than i ever will having my gender dysphoria "cured" without surgery. if anything, i hope yall who make this argument understand that there are real people who may choose to get an amputation, and they dont HAVE to be "mentally unstable" to do it. neither of us are or were

and for anyone who cares, one day he greeted me from his bed with a big smile on his face saying he got an amputation, and i never saw him again at the hospital after that

[arctrooper69]

🎊 Congratulations on the milestone!! 🎊

Your writing sparks so much joy, you deserve every single follower (and the many more yet to come!) 😄

I'd like to drop a request for Kix (beloved..), from the hurt/comfort prompts:

"How long did you think you could hide that?" + "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

And if I may be so bold, reader is the one chastising him? 👀

Thank you so so much for your love and encouragement ❤️❤️❤️ I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to write this! I realize it's been in my inbox for several months now but here it is! I hope you enjoy!

ALSO... I loved this prompt so much and had a similar idea for an OC of mine, so there will be a Kix x OC version of this as well!

Prompt #20: "How long did you think you could hide that?"

Prompt #26: "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

Beta-read by the amazing @staycalmandhugaclone

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Busy, Busy

Kix is stubborn. He's ways taken care of everybody else. Maybe it's time you took care of him.

Warnings: Mentions of sickness and injury.

--------------------------------------------------

The med bay on the Resolute was quiet for once - not that Kix would ever say that aloud. He didn't want to jinx anything. Every healthcare worker knew that once that Q-word was uttered, all hell would be soon to break loose - a silly superstition, but one that had been proven true time and time again. Kix, however, did not have time to prove or disprove anything like that. He was just glad that none of his co-workers were here to tell him off for being so careless. Especially you.

He must've been allergic to something down on the planet they'd just been on. It was stupid, really - clones weren't supposed to get sick or have allergies.

I'm supposed to be better than this. Kix thought miserably. Yet here he was - snivelling like a child, sinuses so clogged that it felt like his head was in a bubble, and he was so damn tired.

Kriff... if it wasn't for this karking brain fog, maybe he wouldn't have slipped off the loading dock like that - landing on his side among boxes of medical supplies that he just now finished cleaning up.

The med-droid on duty stood quietly in the corner, ready to be turned on should an emergency arise but Kix quickly passed it by, opting to take care of himself in secret.

He groaned quietly, holding his side as he reached for the bacta at the back of the cold-storage unit. He grimaced, gingerly palpating his side with practiced fingers. Nothing felt broken, that was good. Just bruised. Nothing he could really do for bruised ribs. Maybe that was for the best. Kix still had a lot of work to do - reports to file, miles of inventory to catalog, and two med-droids to repair. Just some bacta for the pain and stiffness and maybe a stim for good measure - that would keep him afloat long enough to get all this shit together. Kix was short staffed, very short staffed. You had just finished up a triple, going on quadruple shift when he'd ordered you to get some rest.

"Makes no sense having a sleep deprived medic on the field, not to mention how dangerous that is," he'd scolded, now internally wincing at his own hypocritical actions just hours later.

But you're a clone. You can take a lot more than any nat-born. He nodded to himself, scrambling to find any justification for his actions.

"Alright," he grumbled, "quit stalling, Kix. You've got work to do. Then you can sleep."

He settled down in the small office behind the medbay, bacta on his ribs, a stim in his system, and a large cup of caf in hand - not the best combination, but it would work for the time being.

***

It seemed like only minutes had passed when the door slid open with a hiss. Kriff. He knew it was you despite the boxes of medical supplies that blocked his view and the stacks of datapads littering his desk. He sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, and stood up. He gripped the edge of the desk as a wave of vertigo nearly brought him to his knees.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he grunted out, surprising himself with the way the rough edges of his voice seemed to grate against the dryness of his throat. "I lost track of time."

He heard you shift and lean against the doorway. "That's alright. I figured that's what happened." The tone of your voice did not match the carefree understanding conveyed by your words.

You knew something was wrong.

Kix winced quietly as he eased himself back into his chair. Staying seated and unmoving was the best way for his side to heal up on its own. It was better for you not to see him. Until he could finish these reports, it was better he keep to himself.

"You wanna join me for breakfast?"

Breakfast!? It couldn't be time for breakfast yet. Maybe you'd just woken up early. Very early.

"Kix?" Your voice startled him from his thought-drifting fatigue.

"Huh?"

"I asked you if you wanted to join me for breakfast."

This time the worry in your voice was apparent and Kix felt his heart sink. The last thing he wanted to do was worry you.

"I'm really busy. Another time maybe."

"Kix...

"Your shift doesn't start for another three hours. You shouldn't be here." He snapped.

"Uhh...actually it starts in half an hour," you responded slowly. "Yours on the other hand, was supposed to be over like six hours ago. What are you still doing here?" The question was laced with the same sharpness he'd just directed towards you.

"Quinn called out. Their kid is sick." He spoke of the civilian contractor they'd been assigned.

The black and gold zabrak made a great medtech but, between various other assignments and six children, their appearances in his medbay were few and far between.

"So... you're going on four shifts in a row now?"

Kix grunted. He wished you would stop asking him questions. Talking made his throat feel as though he'd swallowed the general's lighsaber. "I'm fine."

"When was the last time you ate? Or slept!?"

He shrugged absentmindedly, concentrating on the datapad in front of him when it was suddenly snatched from his hand.

"Hey!" His head snapped up, glaring at his fellow medic who met it with an equally annoyed fire in her eyes.

"Give it back!" Kix made a grab for it but was suddenly and painfully reminded of his aching ribs. He collapsed back down into his chair with a defeated hiss of pain at the way the muscles balked at the tension. The movement took his breath away for a moment.

"Kix!" Your surprised cry pounded through his head as you dropped to your knees beside him, eyes widening as you thoroughly surveyed him for the first time since stepping into the room.

"Oh Kix..." you shook your head, reaching for a handheld scanner. He watched with heavy, lidded eyes as you swept the scanner over him slowly and methodically.

You set down the scanner with a sigh, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "Kix, what happened!? Your shift was supposed to end at 2300 hours! You need to go to bed!"

Kix rolled his eyes. Only a few more things to do and then he'd gladly follow your direction.

"Relax, I'll just be a few more minutes! It's only -" he paused, looking at the chrono around his wrist. It read 0725. "Oh."

"Yeah."

He winced at your deadpanned tone. "Sorry. I guess I lost track of time."

"I'll say." You placed the datapad back onto the desk but didn't remove your hand. "You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"What the hell happened to you!? You look awful, you sound like your entire head is clogged, and you've got two cracked ribs!"

Oh. Cracked. Not bruised.

He opened his mouth to respond just as one of the datapads let out a beep. You frowned and put a hand up, cutting off yet another desperately fabricated excuse. "And don't tell me Quinn called out. You just got a message from the Admiral asking you why you canceled Quinn's shift."

He sighed defeatedly, suppressing a wince at the twinge of pain in his side. He didn't meet your eyes. "I fell."

"You...fell!?" you questioned, sounding a bit incredulous. "When? How?!" He'd seemed fine when he'd ordered you to take off.

"'Bout an hour after you left," he admitted. "Must've been allergic to something in the dust planetside. I was unloading some supplies, got dizzy, and fell off the loading dock."

"And how long did you think you could hide that?" Your voice had once again taken on that scolding tone which for some reason made him feel both guilty and proud. You'd been a timid shiny when he first met you. Now here you were, taking charge of the situation with an air of authority and sass he likened to one of his generals. He shrugged.

"As long as it took to finish all of this." He motioned to the cluttered desk, immediately regretting the movement causing his ribs to tense painfully again.

Your eyes were piercing - full of concern and disbelief. "Why are you acting like everything is fine!?" you snapped, suddenly angry at his seemingly unphased attitude.

He didn't answer.

You shook your head. “Why didn’t you call me, Kix? If I’d known you weren’t feeling well, I could’ve at least helped you with the work!”

Kix didn't blame you. He'd probably have reacted the same way if he were in your shoes. He looked away.

"I just... I didn't want you to see me like this." he muttered softly. He sounded hoarse and miserable.

You sighed. "Let me get this right....You didn't want me - a medic - to see you sick and injured? So you - also a medic, who should know better, might I add - decided to hide it from everyone so that you could get your work done!? You sent away our best medtech so that you wouldn't be bothered by them realizing something was wrong!?"

Kix frowned. It did sound bad when you put it all out like that.

"Guess that sounds about right."

You stared at him. "That was really dumb, Kix."

"Yeah."

You sighed. "How long has it been since you've eaten anything?"

Kix thought back. When was the last time he'd eaten? His stomach revolted with just the thought. There was no way he'd be able to eat anything right now.

"I...I don't know," he admitted, not meeting your eyes.

You sighed. "Okay, come on. I'm gonna go get you something to eat."

He shook his head, resting it in the palms of his hands, rubbing his eyes. You were right about one thing, he was exhausted. But duty came first.

"I can't. I have so much to do." He nodded to the screen of his datapad. It was full of messages, requests, reports, and a number of reminders and meeting invitations flashed across the screen.

You laid your hand on his shoulder.

"Just humor me, please. Eat something, take a nap - "

Kix shoved your hand from his shoulder, then instantly regretted the action. Maker, if his ribs weren't killing him, he could just scream. All he wanted to do was sleep. But he had work to do. Why couldn't you understand that? He knew he was irritable but his rude reaction towards you - his friend - flooded him with even more guilt.

"I can't! I just can't! Admiral Yularen needs these reports in by tonight and I'm only halfway through them because I got interrupted by General Skywalker needing additional information for the next mission, so I spent two hours tracking that down, come to find out it was all for nothing because the kriffing Jedi council decided to send them elsewhere."

He took a gasping breath. Fire burned through his side, igniting a feral panic that gripped his chest with an icy grasp. His ribs were screaming. His head felt as though he’d been forced beneath the rabid jaws of Kaminoan ocean waves - descending ever downwards, pressure rising in painful crescendos. His hands were shaking and he couldn't make them stop.

"Hey! Kix, hey!" Gentle pressure pulled him from his spiral with a grounding hand rubbing circles on his back. Concern clouded your face as you knelt beside him.

"Breathe, Kix. I need you to breathe."

"Can't," he panted.

"I know," you responded evenly, holding an oxygen mask to his nose and mouth. "Just do the best you can."

"No!" He swatted the mask from your hand. He really had to get this done. Just a little while longer, then he'd rest - then he'd let you do whatever you needed to do.

You pursed your lips looking at the delirious medic in front of you.

"You know, I really didn't want to have to do this but I - "

Kix rolled his eyes, unconsciously gripping the oxygen to his face as he took another short, gasping breath. He knew what you'd say next. It was the same thing he'd say to Captain Rex, or even General Skywalker when they fought him on coming to the medbay.

"Are you really gonna pull the medic rank card on me?" He interrupted.

"Do I have to?" You looked pointedly at him. You were annoyed, yes, but you were also concerned. He knew you'd seen dying patients with more life in their eyes than he currently did.

He looked down at the long list of tasks he had yet to do and sighed in defeat. "No. I guess not."

"Good."

He couldn't identify the look on your face as he allowed you to lead him to a bed. Your hand lingered on his arm for a moment too long as you delivered a sedative into his veins. But for some reason he didn't mind.

"Don't worry, Kix." you said softly as you watched his eyes flutter shut. "You're safe. I'll take it from here."

Kix allowed himself to succumb to the peaceful allure of sleep even as your words echoed through his brain. "Let me take care of you, you stupid, beautiful, stubborn man."

--------------------------------------------------

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[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 8 thoughts

tears. in my eyes. shaky breathing. oh. okay.

well. no place to start but the beginning.

stares at my laptop screen for a long, long time before typing. give me a minute. allow to me collect myself.

okay. we start with scully's mom narrating. and we learn, thanks to the subtitles, that her mom's name is margaret. this is information i will also be storing in my useless scully facts book.

so we knew she had two brothers, but a sister is also mentioned, named melissa. and we get this story from her childhood, about how dana- which feels wrong for me to type, but i will- was given a bb gun by her brothers, and she joined in with them shooting a snake. but then she realized it was bleeding and she cried as it bled out in her hands and held it while it died. which is already So much to handle. and her mom is saying that she feels how her daughter felt that day watching the animal die.

the next thing we see is mulder is there, and. he's saying it's still too early to know if she's gone. but. well.

we see a gentleman bring something out. and it is a gravestone with her name carved into it.

he turns away like he was burned from even looking at it. and man. that hurt. very badly.

we see that her middle name is katherine. and we learn this because we see it on her gravestone.

he goes back to his place (where he still sleeps on the couch) but then he gets a phone call that they've found her. and he busts into the door when the nurse says he can't go in there. that's our man!

he's screaming at these poor healthcare workers, somewhat rightfully suspicious they're involved with the government who took her, but also man. they don't get paid enough. however, i understand the emotional explosiveness this had to have provoked. so he is really just screaming, at the nurse, at the doctor, demanding to know what the hell happened, where she came from, and he says "i swear i'll do anything, i'll find out what they did to her" while being escorted out

then there is a very tense conversation between the doctor and her mother and him. the doctor must have already have been in quite a state, because mere minutes ago a raving angry man accused him of stealing his friend, and now he's sitting with said angry man explaining that they genuinely have no idea how she got here, and that she has no indication of injury.

we also learn that she had no desire to remain on life support past a certain point. and mulder knows this because. he. he. he uh. well he signed her will.

now i think maybe that's just something you have to do at the fbi and i can see them making a little joke out of it- a nice little trip to get each other's will signed, make a day of it, keep it light and funny- but man. man in this context. oh i'm gonna be Sick.

so we see a woman holding a crystal over her body and we learn it is her sister melissa!!! she's really pretty. she tries to show mulder that you can feel her energy by holding his hands over her but he gets angry and leaves.

(i love this dichotomy here, that somehow the ultra skeptic has a sister who is into talking about spirits and crystals. truly i feel this is what happens to people raised catholic)

at this point i wrote "girl i'm stressed tf out" and yeah. kinda the whole mood.

melissa is saying that his anger and fear is blocking the positive emotions she needs to feel, which echoes my statements about how he has been too cranky this season. but i can't even laugh because the man is in Distress.

he goes back to his place after saying he needs "to do more than just wave his hands", and he's bouncing a basketball and putting tape on his windows. i get it. that oppressive feeling of being unable to sit still. every moment dragging like a lifetime. bounce bounce bounce. he wakes up and rips the tape off his windows.

and back to attending to her bedside. i do not think this man has been clocking into his shift at the fbi.

we see a fellow enter wearing a suit and carrying flowers and i was like oh shit is it last rites time? um. so maybe i don't know what gets worn to a last rites event. i realize my weakness in this area and will do some research when we're done here.

but it's not anyone here to do that- it's frohike, the guy from the lone gunman who was making weird comments about scully! he must have come to pay his last respects. he picks up a clipboard and i thought oh my gosh he's gonna start reciting poetry- but he notices something weird on her chart and sneaks it out

it seems the whole thing was orchestrated, because mulder goes back to the freaks at the lone gunman, who invite him to come over and watch earth 2 and point out the factual inaccuracies- which, all things considered, is very sweet- but they send her blood data to a hacker that uses a richard nixon persona and he says that yeah, her blood is weird. and mulder's like, is she gonna make it, and they say no. it got very somber.

in terms of scully view, we see her on this dock of a boat between life and death. i thought that was nice imagery, and extremely eerie. those around her bedside are on one side of the dock, and it looks like the rope could snap and drift away at any moment.

the nurse comes in to do some blood work and i have another "augh blood" moment. so i look away. and mulder is REALLY pondering her blood. i thought he was honestly gonna take it for himself, maybe bring it in for testing or keep it like an emo.

but no! a strange man in a suit STEALS the blood!

so mulder is back into track star mode and is SPRINTING after this guy. i always forget that he is a runner. and he is RUNNING around this hospital and makes it to the parking lot until...

he is stopped by deep throat 2.0, a man for whom i realize i have no other name. but you know who i'm referring to, right? so i guess that name will work for now. deep throat 2.0 says that mulder needs to stop NOW, and that HE got deep throat 1.0 AND scully killed by looking into things too hard. which is an absolutely awful thing to say btw. deep throat 2.0 has a gun to mulder's head and says to stop searching.

mulder proceeds to run after the blood thief despite these warnings. can't say i blame him. he finds the blood thief!!! and they have a bit of a fight until...

deep throat 2.0, who earlier said he wanted to remain out of this mess, rolls up? so we're getting mixed messages here. and he says i'll take care of this and SHOOTS THE BLOOD THIEF?????? in the head.

back to the hospital. mulder is not pleased about the prospect of life support being removed but melissa says he has to honor her wishes. and he's going on about the blood protein and the doctor is like "why do you think this has anything to do with blood protein" and he Does Not Explain

her mom calls him "fox" again and says this is a moment for the family, but he can come too. and he won't come in. he's the wettest and saddest a man has ever looked as they go in there. and then the rope holding her to the dock of the afterlife is severed.

man. if i had been a contemporary viewer i would have been sobbing. thank god i've seen gifsets that prove this wasn't the end for her. because if i hadn't, i would have been in shambles. i mean i Was in shambles but like i would have been bawling on the floor.

cig man is with skinner. i honestly didn't think we'd get up to any sort of fbi related tasks in this episode, but he hands skinner a report and leaves. and then mulder comes in and denies being involved with the shootout at the hospital

(it's worth noting that he is doing all the denying to be an ass to skinner, and yells about "how does it feel, all the denial")

and he says that it was "cancer man" who took scully. i had been calling him cigarette man, but cancer man is very comparable.

the next thing i wrote was "SKINNER IS A BITCH????" this was because he said that mulder is "just as responsible" as cancer man for scully's situation if he knew the risks of this line of work and didn't warn her.

skinner baby YOU CAN'T SAY THAT? seriously i cannot figure this guy out. every time i think i have a read on him he does something like this that shifts my interpretation. what a horrible thing to say to someone.

cut to scully cam. she's on a table in metaphysical land. and her dad is there. he calls her starbuck and refers to himself as ahab- so the first mate and the captain. and he's monologuing about how he never knew how much he loved her until he realized he could never be with her again, and he says they'll be together "soon", but not now. so i'm wondering if she can hear all of this going on. i would guess so.

mulder is in the cafeteria with melissa and she is trying to talk a bit of sense into him. she says "you could spend the rest of your life finding every person that's responsible and its still not gonna bring her back" and he replies "including myself?"

now usually i would say that mulder taking the blame upon himself is tragic and typical, but here, having it also been implied by skinner AND deep throat 2.0, i am thinking, man, he's got to really believe it, even more so than all the other times he couldn't save everyone. which is. fucked up. so immensely fucked up. i'm sorry you pissed me off last episode baby but we can go to the zoo again like i planned. let's go see some tigers and cheer you up.

a woman walks in and asks him for change for the "cigarette machine", which was the first time in my life i have ever heard the term "cigarette machine", so maybe the earth really is healing

but he finds a pack with an address in it, and then, straight from my notes:

"CIG MAN'S HOUSE. OH MULDER IS THERE AND POINTING A GUN AT HIM. AND ALSO SCREAMING. "why her" oh his finger gets very close to the trigger"

cig man says he likes her and mulder, and. wow. what a despicable human being. he says that he likes mulder more for showing up to his place with a gun. says he's playing the game. mulder seems to have a realization he is acting just like those he swore to destroy and puts the gun down. cig man says it'll be their secret. and also that he was the one that told skinner that mulder shot the guy in the hospital even though he didn't think it was true.

we next see mulder sadly tapping at his computer. he prints a one sentence resignation letter "effective immediately" NOT even a two week's notice, that's how bad they fucked this man up

skinner comes by and says it's unacceptable while mulder is packing all of his things. and mulder says:

"i hate what i've become"

man. fuck. he hates the rage he has been driven to. the loss of control. the way he sees himself as being responsible for deep throat and scully. and all of it stemming from his need for answers, to track down his sister. he hates what that feeling of insufficiency has led him to and the path he now walks upon. hates it. hates his situation and himself and the world.

skinner decides to share some personal story time: he went off to vietnam- willingly enlisting on his 18th birthday. and then while he was there he shot a kid who was covered in grenades. the camera glances back at mulder occasionally, who, despite all of his grief, seems to be consulting his oxford training to try and remember what you're supposed to say to a guy who just told you he killed a child in vietnam.

and then he says he watched all his friends die and that he almost died- he was put in a body bag, and was in a coma for two weeks- and he was too scared to learn what happens next. but mulder isn't. and that's why his resignation is unacceptable.

mulder adds things up and realizes that it was skinner that gave him cancer man's location. again. complicating the vibe i get from skinner in doing something positive now. he says that every day is a risk.

deep throat 2.0 rolls up, saying that the people who did this to scully are going to break into his apartment tonight, and he'll have to kill them. he looks displeased by this- aversion to taking any sort of lives- but resigns himself to it.

so he's in his place in the dark ready to start blasting, when he gets a knock on the door. and it's melissa.

this is where we get the iconic exchange "why is it so dark in here?" "because the lights aren't on" which made me laugh so thoroughly seeing it out of context before i ever decided to watch this show

and melissa is MAD. scully is weakening, and she came to get him to say his goodbyes, but he won't go because. well. shootout is about to go down. this is his ONE chance to learn who did this to scully. but she doesn't know that is why he won't leave, so she YELLS at him, about being in a place even darker than her sister, and asks "why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing to her how you feel? i expect more from you. dana expects more from you"

and man. those words are heavy. he locks the door, knowing that his place is gonna be robbed, and that he'll never know who hurt her, and comes down to see her.

and he's talking to her. holding her hand. saying he's here. he doesn't know if it'll change anything, but he's here.

when he goes home, his place is entirely ransacked, and he falls to the ground crying. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. i can't even put into words how bad this broke me. big strong mulder weeping on the ground, his career in shambles and his best friend dead.

i feel like i need to pause there just for how heavy it was. like this was his lowest low. lower than even vampire sex.

but he soon gets a call and he smiles so wide!!! and we learn her eyes are open!! it is the sweetest smile i have ever seen!!!!!!

he gets down to the hospital and she's awake and talking- but she doesn't remember anything- and he, being the insufferable man that he is, says the following:

"i brought you a present (holds up a vhs tape) superstars of the superbowls"

man. man. man. man. she deadpans so quickly. "i knew there was a reason to live"

he must have grabbed a random tape off his shelf and brought it to her with the express intent of antagonizing her back in the realm of the living. and he thought of something to say along with it on the car ride down, his hands shaking. something, anything to make her laugh. a stupid vhs tape. his constant sports references. her quick tongue. oh dear lord help me these two have ruined me.

he gives scully her necklace back, which i wrote about in all caps, while her mother and sister watch

and then we learn that the nurse who was taking special care of her was never actually there when scully wants to thank her and the other nurse is like "um no one who works here has that name" so. SCULLY PARANORMAL EXPERIENCE (POSITIVE)??!?!?!?

overall. man. i am experiencing such a volume of emotions. what the hell. she's back, though. and we saw how much she means to him. and i feel like i could type a million words on the subject but i don't even know what to say because they're still all stuck in my chest. they love each other sososo much.

will he ever tell her what he did in her absence? how he tried to quit? how he broke every rule trying to save her? how he screamed at the doctors, how he broke into cigarette man's house, how he almost pulled the trigger? how he watched a man die when deep throat 2.0 shot him? how he was blamed for her condition by himself and by others? how he left his apartment to be ransacked, giving up his one chance to catch whoever did this to her, to try and let go of his grief and be with her instead? or will he keep quiet except for the latest witticisms and frequent visits and presents and stories by her bedside while she gains strength and recovers?

and how he left, too, when he knew she was okay. how he must have wanted to be there more than anything in the world, but knew she needed to rest, so he left her with her family. how he could breathe easy again. how he had to make it seem like it was cool, and everything was contained.

man. this tv show. i just typed all of those words out and i still feel like i didn't even begin to cover the things i'm feeling. i feel like i need to shake them up and down.

but this should be good, because the x files are reopened... so are we seriously, as the kids say, so back? only time will tell!

[farfromstrange]

Do No Harm

CHAPTER FIVE: What Belongs Together Will Find Back Together

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: Your shitty day gets worse when an agitated patient decides to completely lose his temper.

Warnings for this chapter: Angst, violence, mentions of gun violence, knife, mentions of drug abuse, blood, attempt at humor (again), mentions of abuse, flirting

Word Count: 5.5k

A/n: This is the second part of the double update. Enjoy!

Read Chapter 5: What Belongs Together Will Find Back Together here on AO3

You’re having a downright awful day. A witch must have put a curse on you, or maybe God finally decided to turn his grudge into never-ending misfortune. 

You came into the hospital late, hungover, and in the back of an ambulance with a man who was beaten to a pulp by a masked vigilante, but you couldn’t tell anyone that, so you left that part out. Shelly wasn’t happy when the police showed up to question you, and she was even more displeased when she found out that you decided to play the hero instead of heading to work straight away. 

She lectured you for ten minutes without taking a moment to breathe, and then she convinced you to take a double shift as an apology. You are far beyond your limit, but if you let the exhaustion seep in, people will die. 

Eighteen hours down, six more to go. At least, that is what you believed when you set foot into the emergency room for a surgical consult. You didn’t expect to see yourself where you are now—standing between the security guard’s loaded gun and a troubled young man holding a pocket knife. Then again, the past eighteen hours have been hell, and after everything that happened the night before, this feels more like a cruel joke the universe is playing on you than a threat to your life. 

You always happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The man threatening you with the knife isn’t even your patient. An ambulance brought him in after a bad trip on amphetamines. He was aggressive. They even had to strap him down. Someone else was in charge of him by the time you came downstairs to take care of your patient, but somehow, the young man managed to free himself of his restraints, knock out the nurses around him, and demand an almost lethal amount of drugs. When he didn’t get what he asked for, he pulled a knife, and security jumped in. 

“One bullet requires over a hundred healthcare workers,” you blurt out. The security guard has his eyes focused on the man with the knife, but your words make him turn to you for a second. He frowns. 

“Put the gun down,” you repeat. “If you shoot him, you will take almost all of the staff in this ER away from other patients. People already get shot on the streets like it’s a sport. We can resolve this some other way.”

You’re babbling, but the situation is about to escalate. If he hadn’t assaulted two nurses and pulled a knife on everyone else, including innocent sick people, security would have taken him down, you could have sedated him, and no one would have gotten hurt. But it’s already too late for that. 

“Doctor Clarke,” the security guard, Hal, says, his voice eerily steady as he points the gun forward still, “Step aside.”

“No,” you insist. 

“You’re gonna get hurt.”

“And you’re agitating him by waving a gun in his face. If you keep doing that, we’re all gonna get hurt.”

“Shut up!” the young man yells. You flinch. “Shut up, both of you!”

You turn to face him. “Easy. No one wants to hurt you. Why don’t you put the knife down and we’ll talk about what’s bothering you, hm? I can help you. You just have to be a little patient,” you say. 

A calm voice can do wonders when someone is agitated, but this time, your words fall on deaf ears. 

“I want ten milligrams of Dilaudid,”  he says. “Now!”

“Okay, I heard you the first time, but 10 milligrams is a lot. Are you in pain?”

“Yes! That’s why I need you to give it to me or I swear to God I will use this knife and gut you like a fish.”

The gasps in the room are audible. You sigh. The way he’s shaking, you aren’t sure if he can gut you like a fish even if he tried. He’s in serious withdrawal. “I can give you two,” you tell him.

He shakes his head. “I want ten!”

“I can’t give you that. I can give you two milligrams. You know they do the job just as well.”

“No, no, no…” His voice grows higher, and it sounds almost as if he’s sobbing. His fist tightens around the handle of the knife. “No!” he says, louder this time. 

From the corner of your eye, you can see some of the security guards ushering the remaining patients, the ones who are mobile, at least, out into the waiting room.

“Five,” he begins to argue. 

“Two,” you repeat.

“I said five, you bitch!” He wipes the counter of the nurse’s station clean with his free hand. “You do as I say or I’ll cut you. I swear, I will cut you!”

You don’t let him sway you. You don’t let him agitate or scare you. Instead, you take a deep, calm breath and lift three fingers into the air. “Three,” you say. “Last offer. I can’t give you more than that. For now. I can give you three milligrams of Dilaudid, we’ll check you out, and if you’re still in pain, I can round up to five. How’s that sound?”

He licks his dry lips. His eyes keep darting around the room before falling back on you. He’s contemplating. 

“I promise, I’ll do it. You just have to put the knife down.” You take a careful step forward. You almost have him. “I’ll make sure that the pain stays away, but we have to be careful about this, alright? Three milligrams, and I will add up to five if it’s as bad as you make it sound. You just put down the knife and I will take care of everything else.”

His nostrils flare as he lets out an exasperated sigh. “You will give me five?” he asks. 

You nod again. “If you happen to need them, yes,” you say. 

“Three then five?”

“Yes.” You smile gently. “What’s your name, anyway?”

“I’m not tellin’ you.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Let me introduce myself then. My name’s Olivia. I’m a doctor. And I promise you, I always keep my promises.”

The man looks between you and Hal, the security guard. His hand keeps shaking. He doesn’t look angry anymore, simply nervous. “And him?” he asks. 

“He will put the gun down,” you say with an obvious glare over your shoulder. 

Hal hesitates. He stares at you, then at the man, then back at you before he slowly lowers his gun. He doesn’t holster it, he keeps it at his side, but that seems to be enough for the young man before you. He slowly lowers his knife as well, placing it on linoleum floors. The seconds tick by in slow motion. 

When the knife is on the ground and his hand is gone, you nod. One of the nurses grabs him from behind. He yelps. You can tell that he didn’t expect that, and the betrayal on his face is visible. You almost feel bad. 

You get handed a syringe and a bottle of clear liquid. You have to be fast. The young man, despite his state of withdrawal, is rather strong and you’re not sure how long he can be restrained before he starts throwing fists. 

“Okay, this is gonna hurt,” you state as you fill the syringe with the liquid. It could be Dilaudid, but judging from his eyes, he doesn’t believe you. 

“No! Let me go! You promised!” he growls as he struggles against the grip keeping him in check. 

“I’m sorry,” your words sound genuine. You mean them. 

You truly are sorry. He’s suffering from a disease you are more than familiar with. You know what it does to a human being and those around them. You know the physical and emotional toll this disease can take. It requires so many sacrifices, and those affected have no choice but to give up everything.

You’re about to jab the needle into his upper arm when he manages to dig his heel into the foot of the nurse behind him. He stumbles back in pain, and the young man uses his newfound freedom to haul his arm forward. The syringe falls from your hand and out of his arm. You don’t have time to brace yourself. His anger escalates, and the faith you had dissipates. 

A sharp pain tears through the bridge of your nose. The bone lets out a crack that sounds like a scream straight from a megaphone. It’s a pain you have felt many times before, but it still hurts like hell. You let out a groan of agony, losing your balance and falling against the counter of the nurse’s station. Thankfully, your assailant wiped it clean, giving you enough free space to hang onto. 

For a moment, you’re disoriented. You can only feel the sharp pain tearing through your skull. The blood from the burst vessels starts pouring out of your nostrils in hot streaks. You can’t breathe. Not through your nose, at least. 

When you finally manage to turn your head, you see the young man making a run for the ambulance bay. You push yourself off the counter, breaking free from whoever is trying to grab you and get you to sit down, asking you if you’re okay, and you take a few quick steps after him. You don’t get very far. Not only is your head pounding and your coordination is slightly off, but something gets in the way of the man’s escape plan, and he stumbles. He falls face-first to the ground. He instantly stops moving, and the security guards are all over him in seconds. 

You’re holding your broken nose, a look of pain and surprise etched into your features. Your eyes switch from the man to a familiar face. Your eyesight is slightly blurry, but you recognize him right away. You take another step forward. 

“Matthew?” you ask, dumbfounded. 

The young man didn’t just stumble, he stumbled over a blind man’s cane. If that was on purpose or simply karma, you’re not sure, but the attractive lawyer whose number you tossed into the trash because you were feeling sorry for yourself made sure that no one else could get hurt. For that, you want to kiss him. 

You wince. You probably have a concussion. You’re bleeding and confused, although when you look at him and he tilts his head in your direction, you don’t feel confused anymore. 

The man next to him raises his eyebrows. “That was so cool, dude,” he says. Then, his eyes fall on you. “But that does not look cool. Hey, why did she just say your name? Do you know her? Matt?”

“Olivia?” Matt isn’t even paying attention to what you assume must be his friend. 

You don’t have a lot of time to process the awkwardness of the situation. What felt like hours since you got punched has been nothing but mere seconds. You evaded the caring hands of your colleagues, and you are starting to regret that. 

“I–” your vision blurs. One of the nurses rushes to your side when your knees buckle. “Excuse me,” you murmur, “I have to pass out.”

Before she can even tell you to stay awake, the black curtain closes on your vision and you lose all control of your limbs. You’re floating between consciousness and darkness. The strong arms that catch you before you can hit the ground though, you can feel them. And you can hear Matthew’s voice just above your head, telling you, “Hey, stay with me.” 

But you’re tired, and your mouth tastes metallic. You hate the taste of metal. You open your mouth to respond, but that is nothing but a subconscious reflex. Before you know it, even the last pieces of your consciousness have slipped away, and you fall into the abyss of complete and utter darkness. 

There is no telling for how long you’ve been out by the time you regain consciousness. Everything around you was dark for quite a while, but it still felt like only a minute or two. Your eyelids flutter. The bright neon light above your head hurts your already throbbing head. 

You groan, reaching up to touch your nose. The blood has dried. You dare to inch closer to the injured bone, ready to face the pain, but someone touches your arm. It’s a soft touch that sends shivers down your spine. When was the last time someone touched you this gently? When was the last time someone touched you and wasn’t planning to hurt you afterward?

Your first instinct is to pull away. Your eyes slowly adjust to the white walls around you, nurse Miriam with a concerned expression to your left, and the steady beeping of the machine in the background. 

“Welcome back,” she says with a relieved smile. “You scared us there for a second.”

“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you,” another voice says to your left. 

You don’t want to believe it. You must be dreaming, or maybe you’re already dead. When you turn your head, you see him. Matthew. The lawyer. The guy you rejected because you tend to feel too sorry for yourself. You can’t help it. You’re scarred. You had a good reason for throwing his number away. What else were you supposed to do?

It takes you a moment to register his presence as something more than a hallucination. You want to ask him why he’s here, but you’re not sure if you want to know the answer. So, you just stare, and you try to figure out why Matt Murdock is sitting next to you in the middle of the emergency room after you got punched by a drug addict. 

He smiles softly, even a little shyly. “Hi,” he says. 

You blink a few times. He’s still there. “H-hi,” you stammer. 

This is real. He’s really next to you. And he looks concerned. The past few minutes slowly come back to you. He tripped the young man who attacked you with his cane, and when you recognized him and walked toward him in a haze before passing out, he caught you. He looks strong enough to explain the way you felt when your knees buckled. The question of how he did it doesn’t even dawn on you because blindness is a complex disorder. It can’t be that easily explained. 

You’re merely asking yourself why he’s at the hospital and why you’re suddenly so confused, and your body is tingling all over. All because he touched your arm to stop you from touching your nose, which is either dislocated or broken. You’re not lucid enough to determine that yet. You just know that it hurts. 

Matt clears his throat. “You fainted.”

“To be fair,” your voice cracks a little, “I gave you a heads-up before I did.”

He laughs. He has a beautiful laugh. The way he adjusts his glasses as a faint blush covers his cheeks from the blood rushing to his head and the way he laughs are both equally as endearing, and you can hear your heart beating a little faster. The beeping of the monitor changes ever so slightly. 

His laughter dies down after a few seconds. “You, uh–you okay?” he asks.

You want to look into his eyes, but all you can do is look at your reflection in his red glasses when you say, “Yeah.” 

It’s a lie. You’re far from okay. He tilts his head as if he knows that you’re not, and it makes you want to curl in on yourself. 

“There’s blood on your shirt,” you point out. His white dress shirt has a small stain toward the left of his chest. You don’t connect the dots at first. 

Matt nods. “You kind of…fell on me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I caught you.”

“Oh.” You bite your lip. “Thank you?”

“It’s nothing. This is the first time someone fainted when they saw me, so… I’ll just take it as a compliment.”

The laugh that escapes your lips is involuntary. The vibrations tear through your nose. “Ow,” you wince. Your finger brushes against the bone this time, and the pain shoots through your body like an arrow. 

Nurse Miriam gently pulls your hand away. “Careful, sweetheart,” she says. “We still need to get an X-ray, but Max thinks it could be broken.” 

You don’t even question the mention of your colleague. Instead, you ask her, “How long was I out?”

“Five minutes, but your vitals are stable. You probably just fainted from the stress, not the punch itself.”

Turning your head back to face Matt, your finger brushes his hand that is resting on the mattress next to you. “You stayed,” you say.

You don’t understand why he would do that. You don’t know each other well enough. Your frozen heart cracks a little. You’re not used to this level of kindness. You’re not used to being cared for or worried about. You do it for other people. You do it for a living. When the tables are turned, however, you don’t know how to accept it. You don’t know how to deal with it, and you don’t know how to judge the way Matt is looking at you—in his own way, he is looking at you, just without his eyes, and you don’t know what his expression means. 

You’re confused and possibly concussed, and your nose hurts. This day couldn’t get any worse. But Matt being there sends an almost welcomed shiver down your spine.

Matt tilts his head slightly, softly. “Someone laid their hands on you and then you fainted into my arms,” he says. He makes it sound as if that alone is reason enough to stay with a stranger he gave his number to but who never called him. 

You feel bad. The guilt is eating you alive. He stayed because someone laid their hands on you. Involuntarily, your heart flutters. 

“You tripped him,” you murmur. “With your cane.”

“Did I?” The smirk on his face tells you that he knows very well what he did.

You chuckle. He can be the epitome of innocence if he wants to be. “You made sure he wouldn’t get away.”

The redness in Matt’s cheeks only grows. “Ah. He just tripped over my cane,” he says. “Could happen to anyone.”

“But it didn’t.”

“Maybe it was God’s will.”

God’s will. You remember the conversation you had with him in the abandoned hallway a few days ago. You talked about religion. You told him why you are an atheist. He’s a devoted catholic, but he didn’t judge you. That’s not something you see often. 

You don’t know what else to say, so you close your mouth and take a moment to look at him. He runs his hand over the stubble covering his jaw and neck. His chest strains slightly against his tight dress shirt whenever he takes a breath, and his suit jacket fits just right around his biceps. He fidgets with his fingers when he’s nervous, like now. You wonder what he’s thinking. Should you say something? You probably should, but you still can’t find the words. 

“Listen, Matthew,” that is all you get to say before the curtain jiggles and a man passes through. 

You remember his face. You saw it briefly before you passed out. He was standing next to Matt. Blonde, tall, nice smile—he’s the complete opposite of his friend. He’s colorful and giddy; he’s daylight, whereas Matt represents the night. They complement each other perfectly. 

He’s clutching two packs of Capri-Sun from the vending machine in his hands. “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened to me,” he says. “I pressed the button for one Capri-Sun and the machine gave me two. Two, Matt! I told you, I’m on a lucky–”

He stops when he sees you wide awake, staring at him. Matt is pinching the bridge of his nose. “Foggy,” he warns. 

“Oh!” Foggy breaks out of his trance. “Hey, you’re awake.” He offers his hand to you. “Foggy Nelson. So nice to meet you. I’m Matt’s friend, business partner, and fellow eligible bachelor.”

“Foggy!”

You raise your eyebrows. Part of you wants to laugh, but you swallow it. You take his hand with shaky fingers. “Olivia,” you introduce yourself. 

Foggy smiles and it lights up the room. “Did Matt tell you we’re lawyers?”

The fact that he is still trying to flirt with you even with your face covered in blood baffles you. Words go lost on you. 

You open your mouth to answer, but the curtain moves again. This time, someone pulls it back all the way. You’re met with a crowd of familiar faces. Everyone asks you how you are doing. You all tell them the same thing. “I’m fine,” you say. It’s nice to know that they care. 

“You’re alive,” your colleague, Max, steps forward in his white coat.

You scoff. “Don’t sound so disappointed.”

“Hey, if you die, I’ll get your job. I’m just waiting for nature to take its course.”

“You think you’re as good as me?”

He smirks. “Hardly.”

You can’t help but chuckle. After a moment of silence, you dare to ask, “So, what’s the verdict?”

Max puts the chart down. “Let me take a look,” he says. 

You love being a doctor, but you hate hospitals, and you hate being in a helpless position that you can’t control. 

For the longest time, you dreaded setting foot into the hospital that was supposed to kickstart your career. For years, you studied for a job that was injecting your veins with the purest essence of fear. It was poisoning you.

You spent so much time and money to become a doctor, but for most of your residency, you hated it. You loathed it. And you loathed everything that was somehow connected to it. Now, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. 

You don’t have to be, but you are. That is the problem. You’re afraid every day, and while it doesn’t make you hate your job the same way you did when you were still a student, it makes your blood boil whenever you think about the fact that the person you thought loved you took away the only good thing in your life, and that was the ability to feel good doing what you do. You will never get the excitement you harbored in medical school back. You lost it all. 

You’re tense when Max’s slender fingers check your nose for possible fractures. All you want to do is get up and finish your shift. You don’t want to be the one lying in a hospital bed in the emergency room. 

“Okay, that looks like a dislocation rather than a fracture, but we still need to get an X-ray,” he states.

You hear him out. You let him finish his sentence. Being rude to someone you get along with is the last thing you want to do. When he’s done though, about to turn around and tell a nurse to book you in for an X-ray, you cup your nose with your hands. 

“No need,” you say. 

The bone emits a loud crack. You groan. The pain travels to your toes where it paralyzes you for a brief moment. The eyes of the people around you are filled with horror. Foggy exclaims, “Woah, dude!” And the nurses all let out a collective gasp. Max pales. Matt is the only one who raises his eyebrows and shows the slightest sign of a smirk. You’re not sure if he knows what you just did.

The pain is only temporary. Your nose still pulsates under the discolored skin, but it’s back where it should be, and you can finally take a breath again. The small amount of blood that trickles out of your nose is quickly caught with a cotton swab. 

Your glassy eyes meet those of the people around you. “What?” you ask. 

“Did you just… reduce the dislocation on your own without an anesthetic?” Max retorts. 

“Yeah. I was just waiting for you to tell me it’s not broken.”

“Olivia.”

“What?”

“You can’t be your own doctor.”

“Who said that?”

“I don’t know. The law?”

“Actually,” Matt cuts in, and you have never been more grateful for the sound of a stranger’s voice, “To know how to heal yourself is a basic human right. Legally, you’re not allowed to prescribe medication to yourself, but no one can forbid you to reduce a dislocation on your own if you know how to do it.”

Max frowns. “What? Who are you?”

“My lawyer,” you blurt. 

“You–okay, you know what? We’re done here.” He picks the chart back up. “Shelly will want to talk to you, but after that, you can go home. Doctor’s orders. You need to rest.”

You sit up. “Thanks. Appreciate it.” 

“Whatever.”

If you leave before Shelly can catch you, maybe you can escape a possible second lecture. This was in no way your fault, but the woman has been on edge for months. Budget cuts, staff quitting, and a significant hole in the money pool makes her job so much harder than it should be, and you’re only adding to her headache with your reckless behavior. 

Being reckless is so unlike you. You used to be careful. You used to be scared of the consequences of your actions. To a certain extent, you still are. You still believe everything is your fault and you think twice about doing the easiest things, especially for yourself, because you don’t believe you deserve them. But ever since you started running from your old life, you have grown more prone to taking risks. You’ve become reckless. For someone as rational as you, that is odd behavior. Even you can admit that. 

You can feel Matt’s attention on you. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks.

You blink and look up at him. “I think so,” you answer. “Do you know what they did to the guy?”

Matt opens his mouth, but Foggy cuts him off. “They sedated him, put him in a secure room, and called for the police and a psych consult,” he says.

“Okay. That’s… not perfect, but it’s good. Thank you.”

You’re still a bit weak on your feet when you get up. Matt catches your elbow. His senses must be excellent. He picks up on the smallest of movements without an issue. At first, that wasn’t obvious, but he’s no longer trying to hide it. 

His scent hits you. He smells like the earth, rain, and sandalwood. He reminds you of fall. You like fall. When it’s not too cold and not too hot outside and all the leaves start changing colors. He reminds you of that, and perhaps even a cozy hug under a warm blanket. 

You stare at him, and you feel like he’s staring back at you in some way. He tilts his head. His attention is entirely on you. He’s listening, smelling, and feeling. A silent connection passes between you, wrapping around you like an invisible string and tying you together. It’s weird. You’ve never felt anything like this before. Maybe he’s confusing you because he’s so attractive and you haven’t felt someone’s genuine touch in a while. Or maybe it’s because he cares that your mind can’t process it and is instead confronting you with all of these unwanted feelings for a man you don’t even know. You're sexually confused, frustrated, and it is emotionally draining to feel so many things at once and not be able to understand them.

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips. “I got your number, but I didn’t call,” you whisper.

Matt smiles, but his smile looks pained. He’s not the kind of man to pressure you into anything. He wouldn’t be mad if you rejected him, but you can tell that you hurt him. That was never your intention.

You threw away his number to protect you and your fragile heart. You tried telling yourself that you did it for him, but you were being selfish. You were feeling sorry for yourself, and you refused to allow yourself even a moment of reprieve from the constant weight of your past that is weighing you down. You are and will always be a masochist.

“I get it,” he says. His voice sounds even more like gravel when he speaks at such a low volume. “You don’t know me and I don’t know you. I can’t blame you for being careful.”

His hand slips from your elbow. “I, uh, should go. We have a cab waiting.” He grips his cane with both of his hands. Those beautiful hands. “Take care, Olivia.”

No.

“Wait!” Your eyebrows are already furrowed when you call out to him. You know that this is probably a huge mistake, but you’re not in charge of your own actions; your heart is.

You hate your tricky heart, considering it’s broken and frozen and won’t survive another heartbreak. Yet it changed its course last minute, and now you’re heading straight into the unknown, which scares the life out of you.

Matt stops. Foggy stops. They both stop. You take a step forward, approaching Matt again. 

“Can I call you?” you ask.

He’s taken aback by the question. Your forehead wrinkles as he raises his eyebrows, and his jaw drops. He blushes. He reminds you of a fish on dry land, gasping for air. It’s kind of cute, you have to admit.

“It’s just that I misplaced your card and I would really like to call you later.” 

He stammers. “What?” 

“Yes. I realize now that I’ve made a mistake. I’d like to make up for it if you’ll let me.” 

His blush only deepens. “You don’t have to make up for anything.”

“Even if so, will you still let me?” you ask. 

The air is charged with awkward tension that could explode at any moment. 

Matt reaches into the inside of his suit jacket to retrieve another one of his business cards. You recognize the delicate Braille instantly. 

“If you happen to replace it again, I’m sure we will find each other some other way,” he says.

The blood rushes to your head. It’s your turn to blush. “I—” You take the card from him, and your fingers brush. An electrical current runs through your body. 

“Call me,” his voice is barely above a whisper.

You nod, equally as breathless. “If you don’t hear from me,” you say, “you know where to find me.”

“At Metro General, getting your nose broken?”

“Only on Wednesdays. The rest of the week I’m at Metro General without suffering a concussion.” 

“I’ll remember that.”

“Seriously, I am so glad you can’t see me right now,” your mouth is faster than your brain. “Sorry, that was probably offensive. I didn’t mean—”

Matt chuckles, but he shakes his head. “It’s alright. I don’t need sight to know that you’re beautiful,” he says. 

You had been successfully keeping your head above water until now. One sentence and he’s got you hooked like a fish. Your jaw drops. 

“Have a good night.” He squeezes your arm one last time. Then, he turns around, and with a small, “See ya,” he leaves.

You still haven’t regained your voice.

Only when you hear giggling beside you do you turn to face the nurses.

“Don’t even,” you say. 

“Just one question,” one of the nurses pipes up.

You glare at her. You know this won’t be good. 

“How can I get what you’re having?”

The group erupts into laughter, and you have no choice but to yield. 

“I’m gonna find Shelly,” you sigh. You wipe your bloody nose again. “Maybe she’ll kill me for free.”

Anything would be better than becoming the center of the nurses' gossip, even getting lectured by a pissed-off hospital administrator who won’t believe her luck when she sees what happened to you.

You leave the emergency room with the intention of avoiding any and all mirrors, but when you pass the vending machine, you catch a glimpse of your face in the glass. The reflection is a bit runny. Your nose is blue and swollen, but it could be worse. What strikes you the most is the small smile on your lips. You’re used to being covered in bruises—a real smile is a rarity. 

You pull away, looking back down at the card in your hands. This feels less like a curse now. 

You can either regret something that happened or regret something you didn’t do out of your own fears paralyzing you. You have the choice. You’re in charge of your life now, and you would rather regret trying something and it not working out than never trying it and regretting it when the opportunity has passed you by. 

You will call Matt, and you won’t be afraid because he’s the present and all of your fears are from the past. There is no place for the past in your present, let alone in the future. If you ever want to heal, you have to allow yourself to settle down. Perhaps that will finally give you back a piece of what you’ve lost. 

“Yeah,” you say to yourself, “I’ll call him.”

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