#tw: suidical thoughts

[owlsie-hoot]

ou have all been so kind despite all the angst and the shouting that happened in the previous chapter. For this one I have to include a warning yet again: I will mention suicidal thought and self harm. So please only read this if you are absolutely sure you can handle this topics. (and yes, writing this made me cry)

[tvuniverse]

BOBBY NASH and AMIR CASEY | 9-1-1 → 7x08 Step Nine

[taradactylus]

Been off from tumblr a bit but I just wanna share my general thoughts about TSAMS, especially today's episode...

‼️Quick warning for suicide and self harm mention‼️

I feel betrayed. I legit cried. Out of embarassment, betrayal, and pure but well-reserved anger.

I'm not going to be quiet about how to show handled Sun's problem. Not one fucking media type ever dares to normally bring up suicidal problems, the people who suffer from this, the amount of kids and adults who DIE from such thoughts. This isn't about the overly edgy teenagers who want to normalize cutting yourself is okey and cool. This is about the people who suffered for months and years with such conditions while the world made fun of them or ignored their calls for help. Ignored the signs.

USA doesn't have much of a public transport where the show is going on. But here we do. And a lot of trains are late every day. Late for hours because of "mechanical issues". 8 out of 10 times the mechanical issue is a local kid who jumped front of the train. A teenager fed up with life. An adult who lost their way. An ederly too impatient for death.

I have waited months. Months. To see how Sun deals with it. A character I fell in love with not in a romantic sense, a character who shared way too many of my own problems from hallucinations from abuse till betrayal. A character who was pushed and pulled their entire life around people who slapped you then said they love you. I wanted to see how he heals out from it.

The signs were there. Everywhere. Sun said it out loud once that he at least fantasized about death. EVEN OLD MOON KNEW ABOUT THIS! He literally told New Moon Sun would be capable of doing it.

So why... why through Miku, the character used as the "weird fandom girl" symbol do they bring up such a delicate topic? A topic that is not delicate because you have to tip toe around the people who live with self destructive thoughts day and night, but delicate because it matters to be properly heard out AND NO ONE LISTENS!

Not one fucking media listens. A lot of us out there rely on fandoms. Stories we can escape to because the world never listens. And call me a self-projector all you want dear creators or whoever writes the story, but you either just pulled the cheapest and most dumbest way to close off a story line with solving Sun's problems off-screen, or you just legit don't give a fuck about people who "self-projected".

Honestly, what if I did? What if in a sense, I saw myself in Sun? A Sunshine of a character ruined and changed by the things that happened to him. Am I not allowed to relate to him? Am I an annoying "fan-girl" for caring about how he heals because I myself have no idea how to do it either? Or am I like Miku for hoping someone calls out on his behaviour because that's something I've wanted my entire life and never got?

And here I am, still somehow hoping Sun is lying. That he is in denial. That there is more to what was shown... but honestly? How long should I wait and hope while the character I started to like is now becoming a bit too toxic?

And with all due respect, I'm taking this episode personally. The creators watch the fandom. Probably have their secret accounts to see what the people theorize. And if Sun is not lying, and suicide is an annoying topic and we are self-projecting too much onto Sun, with all due respect, dear creators... grow the fuck up and educate yourself.

I don't need the world to pity my ass for having self-harming habits, wishing to die and even attempted suicide before (I'm getting my ass to therapy in the meantime so do not worry about me), but all I want from content creators to fucking educate themselfes before bringing up such topics. TO CARE A BIT MAYBE?!

I have survived my worst times, but not everyone does (it's not about who is weaker or stronger, only utter guilt held me back, without that I'd be long gone), andI want for those who has no help feel like they're heard and seen. Cause literally that's all itt takes sometimes to maybe save someone's life.

So yeah. I'm utterly disappointed in this episode. Not because I want the world to know that I'm suicidal and everyone should tip toe around me and "omg pls give me attention" ect ect ect...

Im disappointed because I had hopes for TSAMS to maybe, maybe be an example and bring this topic up normally for a change. But well... here goes my hope for an educational approach of suicide and self harm in a popular show.

[mermaidlighthouse]

Ok so I’m gonna recenter the “indestructible little fucker” moment around Ed…yes it’s obviously directed at Izzy and in a literal sense about Izzy but it’s also about what Izzy represents in Ed’s life, Blackbeard, it’s just further confirmation that the only escape for Ed from the persona of Blackbeard, the darkness, is his own death

Even when he thinks it’s gone, when he believes it’s dead, it’s comes back and hurts him…

From Ed’s perspective, he’s tried allowing himself to find the fun in pirating again when he’s teaching Stede and found that when he’s exposed to the darker elements (Calico Jack) he’ll fall right back into the old patterns, he tried doing what just makes Ed happy and it left him broken, he’s tried accepting that even if his dream of running away with Stede and leaving the past behind didn’t work he can still be Ed and while still dealing with his heartbreak is told Ed’s not good enough

He’s exhausted and depressed and he just wants to be Ed but past experience says that’s never gonna happen, even when he’s imagining his idealized versions of himself (the rich fancy man, the innkeeper) he uses the cover of Jeff because Ed’s not good enough for those things…

Ed’s also offered the outside iteration of Blackbeard (Izzy) the opportunity to kill him and even that escape from the pain, suffering, and darkness wasn’t given

So when Izzy appears and shoots him, it proves that Blackbeard is a looming spectre he can’t evade or outmaneuver, it’s indestructible. And it’s further justification for his decision to remove himself from the equation.

[depressedteensworld]

there’s literally not a single person in this world that understands how i feel, because i don’t even understand myself

[suicidxlkitten]

True

[alchemicalwerewolf]

tw: implied SH/suicide

Don’t read this if it might be triggering please. If this it has come to my attention you think I exist well. I appreciate that, even though I don’t think you took some things into account. Thank you for your support today because it did keep me away from doing something I would have regretted or… not had the chance to regret.

@tbspiritss @shipperwithnomister @thecrazyalchemist @loki-god-of-mischief-13

You all helped me in various ways today. And I know I was probably super depressing so I’m even more happy you helped. Thanks.

[holymolyitsalad]

i’ve had a brief panic attack and am now here to add my (admittedly probably not useful) perspective on the speculation happening when it comes to shubble’s abuser.

let me first start off by saying that speculating about WHO it is is so far off the mark and we should be supporting shubble. she didn’t name him intentionally, that’s her decision and we shouldn’t take it away from her. i want her to get all of the support that she needs first and foremost.

that being said, i’d like to speak from two perspectives: someone who endured abuse for a long time AND someone who was wrongly accused of abusing someone.

i was abused by a family member for many years and it has done a lot of damage, as is expected. i believe that you should always take someone seriously when they are coming forward about abuse that they have experienced and that you should support them. it takes a tremendous amount of courage to speak up about abuse, and it takes years and years and years to heal from it. i’m very proud of shubble for speaking up and i hope that she has a strong support system to help her heal.

shortly after i spoke up about the abuse i experienced, an accusation was made against me. it destroyed my life. all of my friends dropped me immediately, and i experienced a severe depression where i seriously considered quitting life. i was confused, and none of my friends would talk to me, but i remembered the night that the supposed abuse took place. because of my experience as a survivor of abuse, i believed my friend who had accused me over my own memory, i thought that i must have remembered that night wrong, and that my friend was right to accuse me. it completely broke me. and it took years for the situation to be resolved. it took years for my friend who had “accused” me to be able to admit that it was a misunderstanding on her part, that people had misinterpreted her, and that once OTHER people had accused me of hurting her she didn’t have the courage to speak up and correct them.

i don’t think she was wrong, because no one wants to be told that they’re lying about abuse, and if she had corrected people them it would have perpetuated a stereotype that victims will make up abuse for attention. but at the same time, my life was never the same after the accusation, and it took a while for me to recover from it and trust myself again.

i think that this might be important to consider in this conversation.

shubble IS right to open up about her abuse, but we should not talk over her and accuse or speculate about who it is that abused her. not only is it not important to helping shubble heal, but it can be counterproductive to the conversation. IF shubble decides to name her abuser then we should believe her and we should drop that person immediately. but first and foremost we should listen to shubble and only her. our voices are not more important than hers.

[howhow326]

Unhinged emotional rant about James Somerton incoming in 3, 2, 1

If you have suic*dal thoughts or suic*dal idealation, do not read this

Do Not Read This

DO NOT READ THIS

So I don't even believe Somerton has committed death yet because this isn't the first he has baited us with suicide /"pEoPlE wAnT mE dEaD" so there's that.

But assuming he did do it...

I shouldn't be saying this.

I shouldn't say.

I can not care anymore. Not "don't", can't. I have not been able to care about him and his issues ever since I found out he was lying to me, a thousand other people, was racist, was sexist, was transphobic, and had a Nazi fetish like a evil cherry on top.

Again, I assume he is lying about this like everything else he does on the internet, but im the event this os real... I'm not going to say I'm sorry for him.

And I shouldn't be saying that. I don't know when he started having suicidal thoughts, no one can know because he is fraudulant! It is not a good thing he "killed" himself and no one has the right to say anything like that, but my heart has completely frozen over for this man.

Even now, I see people trying to blame HBomb and other rightfully angry people for what may be happening, and seriously, F all of yall. You don't have to right to say "oh, HBomb made him K word himself!" NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT.

I... want this to be the last time James Somerton sees the light of day on my blog (ok poor choice of words). If this post turns into some weird spectcle it will be deleted. I just needed to get this off my chest, and weirdly felt like I haven't done that.

If you are a person with suicidal thoughts, there are people that care about you... I know now that you could be one of the vilest people I know, and I would still shed tears for you if you did it.

[framefennel]

I been having some no good thoughts lately, so I thought I`d draw em out.

Me to me.

Also on my pinterest: FennelFolkLore

[starving-loser00]

Why can’t i actively be deep into my ed AND sh its always one more than the other i hate it sm

[humberg]

Update.

Aaaah here we go. Hullo everyone, I'm not sure if any of you have noticed but I have been very absent the past week. Zero interactions, zero likes, zero reblogs, just zero interaction between both tumblr and discord.

I'm not usually one to talk about my struggles, especially regarding my mental health. I'm the type of person who closes myself off from the world, I will literally become a hermit and will refuse to acknowledge anything until the phase has passed. Unfortunately, it hasn't passed as of yet but I wanted to give an explanation or an update if you will on my absence. FYI I will be talking about very sensitive topics such as depression and suicide so please don't read ahead if you feel like you will be triggered by these. The last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable with something I want to get off my chest. So I've added a keep reading just to be safe.

Not many people know this about me, but I am the type of individual who will hide all my feelings and self-doubts from the public eye, it's just something my brain has accustomed itself to as I don't want to be a bother to anyone.

Due to this, I have a habit of letting it fester and grow to a toxic level up to where I reach breaking point. I admit that has happened to me recently, I had been neglecting the signs. Work has been an ongoing struggle in itself with my mental health and anxiety which is forever ongoing, there is also the recent random drama that appears in blips within the community that has been a major red flag for me to avoid. And I will admit that I honestly burnt myself out making that pose mod, to the point that I have not opened Cyberpunk since I completed it several weeks ago.

I became a danger to myself, and as a result without warning, I woke up one morning with a sense of no belonging, a loss of hope and motivation for my future, the dread of having to get through the working day, and zero enthusiasm to do anything or get out of bed. Depression is nothing new for me, but this was the first time that I truly felt like it just wasn't worth it anymore. Have I had multiple suicidal thoughts to find peace? Yes, I have. Have I or will I ever act upon these thoughts? No, I haven't and never will. I myself have had first-hand experience of what it is like losing someone to suicide and I would not wish that upon anyone. To reassure you all, I am perfectly safe, I have very supportive family and friends close at hand and I am receiving help on the matter. I just felt that I needed to let you all know, as this is a big part of my life and I don't want to hide it anymore as I realise it is just unhealthy.

I don't want to seem like I am attention-seeking, far from it. Mental health is such a delicate subject and not everyone will agree and see it eye to eye. If you find this update of me sharing my biggest personal insecurity looking for attention? Fine, as long as it gives you the accomplishment of being a better person than I am. I'm just too tired of facing this alone.

I also want to say that I am very, very sorry. I have been absent for over a week and each day I have felt the guilt of not interacting with the tags I have received or giving all your content the love it deserves. I have also been very much absent on Discord, The server is always beaming with life and banter but I just couldn't find myself to face it, not just yet. I feel it is going to take time for me to get better and make sense of it all, I may still be absent from tumblr for a while but do know that I love you all very much and I do miss you. This is just one of those things that cannot be rushed.

<3

[v0id000]

Pt2

CW self harm / eating disorders/ suicide reference/ suicidal thoughts

When price finally was able to put ghost to sleep. He went to his bathroom and look for every sharp object he could find, he know this will make ghost furious but it's to protect him and help him. This wasn't the first time he did this but still It hurts to intrude into Simon's privacy all over again and take away from Simon's trust because of this action.

He definitely need to push or force Simon to his therapist again , he can't watch again how this men let him self crumbel to his bottom again.

When he got the bathroom cleaned and checked if Simon is still sleeping tight he went to the messhall to get some food and a cup of tea , so he could atleast made sure ghost had one meal today.

Gaz made it to a habit to sleep over at soaps room to give him atleast a chance to sleep and comfort him when he woke up at night. He still wasn't sure what plague soap this much , sure he had his theorys but still Didn't get a clear reason from soap. Gaz also always picked up soap from eating times "tav it's time to eat" dragging him to the messhall , soap stopped fighting it just walked behind Gaz without any emotions. The worry of Gaz grew and considering to inform price about soaps mental and physical state but quarrel about this decision, worrying he will betray soaps trust.

One day soap and Gaz train the rookies together. Soap still looked just like a shell of himself, all of soaps characteristics left behind. Soap didn't feel like training the rookies today he just wanted to crawl back in bed. He already felt dizzy when he got woken up in the morning by Gaz to drag him to breakfast , he wasn't hungry so he just try to get down a toast and his coffee. When he went to get ready in the bathroom he felt his toast come up his throat again and rushed to the toilet to throw up , so that was it with his breakfast. The longer he was standing on the field the worse he felt , fighting his dizziness seeing dark spots dacing in his vision. He felt his vision turning when it suddenly turned black.

When he woke up he was in a white room that looked way to steril for his own room. He started to get more conscious about his surroundings and realised he was in the med bay. He started to slowly get up wanting to leave. Not like he really need any medical attention. When he was about to stand up from the bed when Gaz came into the room lowly cursing "come on idiot get on you bed". Pushed him back on the bed "tav what do you think you doing" Gaz asked with worry in his voice. He looked confused "what do you mean I'm just leaving no use being here" he said hearing how scratchy his voice feels, this made him feel worse. He heard the door open again and a doctor walked in " sergeant mactavish do you know how you got here" she asked and raised her eyebrow when she looked at him. He looked down in his hands picking on his skin around his nails feeling like a lillte kid who did something wrong. " I just fainted nothing to worry about" he stammered still looking at his fingers. "Tav you realise that fainting just like that is something you and everyone else should worry about" Gaz said with a string voice putting a hand on his shoulders. The doctor just started " well sergeant mactavish it looks like you have a fast decline of weight and when looking at you face doesn't get a lot of sleep" she looked at him with a serious face " and since we didn't found anything that could physically caused that there must be a different reason, sergeant if you struggling with something there are people you can reach out to and not feel ashamed about it" she put down a paper on the table and turned around. " Tav seriously you need to talk about what is bothering, and there is no shame in taking help" Gaz said with a low voice. " Can I just get back to my room first" soap asked with a shaky voice feeling like he failed being a human again, messing everything up again , not being able to be strings again. When Gaz and soap arrived at soaps room Gaz informed him he is going to get some food and left the room again. Soap layed down in bed again feeling the dizziness coming back again.

Price got back to Simon's room with the tea and a meal when he opened the door he saw that Simon was sitting in bed curled up in his blanket and the men just looked like a little child. He heard sniffles from the mean and looked at his face in detail firstly at this day and he saw little Simon as a kid again being hurt and left again. Not getting the love he need at this time hiding from the monster of His childhood with the where in form of his father. Anger bubble up in price , wanting to punish the person who made Simon feel like this again. He slowly got closer to the bed and put down the food tray on the desk and pushed the tea cup in Simon's hand. "Simon what is going on you not been youself for a few weeks now" he asked in a comforting voice slowly lowering himself on the bed. Simon looked at him with big glassy eyes and sniffed again " I can't do this anymore" he said with a shaky and bitter voice looking down after he said this. Price alarm bells where on code red , it wasn't the first time Simon expressed suicidal thoughts and it also wouldn't be the first time Simon came close to succeeding. " Simon I informed you therapist already and I know you hate going there but you are also aware it helps you" he sign " I'm always there for you son I thought you knew that" price said sadly.

Pt3 is going to fix it I swear

[marvelandponder]

Was Sunset supposed to be depressed/suicidal in the last arc of empathy for the devil?

Naturally with a question like that, content warning! I'm going to be using the word so skip this analysis if you don't want to read that.

That's a good question. I think it’s open for interpretation exactly what "exile" translates to metaphorically. You could definitely read it that way

I'll seperate depression and suicidality. From my perspective, she was depressed as of chapter 9 she just doesn't have the words for that. She's not too in tune with her feelings or the language for them. We see her disassociate a bit in class, nothing feels quite real to her. Her friends definitely pick up on it. They'd eventually get to the point where they threw her and Timber an intervention.

Twilight seems to think Sunset "hasn't been herself since before [her] roadtrip." She noticed things like Sunset sounding "stressed and fatalistic" and that all her "cute little jokes are just digs at [herself] now.” And she definitely wasn't the only one. We see the others trying to cheer her up and checkin with her in chapter 8, knowing she told them she doesn't want to talk about her feelings all the way back in chapter 2. Even in chapter 10, Twilight picks up on how many times Sunset’s apologizing without even thinking.

In chapter 8, Sunset even remembers the last time she felt this bad, which was right after the Fall Formal. She makes a checklist of a lot of the external things as signs she wasn't doing well internally then, and she seems to judge herself for them, but interesting that she's talking about not sleeping, not taking care of herself physically, and even mismatched clothes before she even thinks to talk about her emotions.

Depressed, yeah. Suicidal, depends how you read it. But it's a very valid interpretation and would certainly make all her friends' fears for her that much more dire.

Depression is super common - and definitely in high school. Sometimes in middle school, too. It's because around that age your brain is quite literally developing the capacity for emotions in your amygdala before it develops your prefrontal cortex. Your ability to regulate your emotions develops after the emotions do (I would wager a guess that's because you have to have develop it by regulating your emotions - which takes time to learn). I had friends who had depression in high school and one with suicidal ideation.

While it wasn't like an intended goal I had when outlining the story, it also doesn't surprise me. It really just came about as a natural consequence of where the character would be emotionally if she felt she didn't have a real purpose on top of the massive amounts of guilt and shame she doesn't know what to do with. Our girl was going through it.

By the end, though, we do see her find her drive and purpose again. And interestingly, Sunset seemed pretty convinced her exile would be best for everyone but as soon as she sees how devastated her friends were that she was leaving, she realizes how loved and important she is to them. She chooses to stick around for them, for the life she wants to build, and a purpose of her own choosing. And the whole damn school calls out to her when they think she's a demon! Things get better for her despite the fact that it felt to her like it never could.

And you haven't seen it yet, but it's not like she doesn't have emotions to deal with after this is all over. You'll see how Sunset is doing after all that in the next stories! But she's got a good support system, and has learned it's okay not to be okay.

I'm sure that won't come in handy at all 😉

[tvy0m1]

I can't take this. I can't keep losing friends this may be my breaking point. I may actually kms this time

[suicidxlkitten]

Why do I want to relapse so bad