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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 year

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Last week I did a crash course in all the Julia Davis things, which I meant to post about at the time and then didn’t because I was too busy working. But it was fun. Here’s my updated folder:

I went through all that in a few days last week, except for Human Remains, which I saw last year. It was very good, and it made me want to see more of Julia Davis, but I think that was when I got distracted by No More Jockeys and promptly forgot that anything in the world besides No More Jockeys existed until I’d seen every single episode, wondering how on Earth it had taken me so long to get to that show that was clearly tailor-made to appeal to me.

Anyway. On another recommendation this year, I finally got into Julia Davis properly. Downloaded all the stuff in the screenshotted folder and worked through it probably too quickly. Starting with Nighty Night, the show I mainly knew from having seen people on that old comedy message board talk about it like it was the worst thing in the absolute world. That’s what I learned, last year when I got into reading old (early-to-mid-00s) on a British message board dedicated to comedy but mainly populated by people who fucking hated all comedians and comedy shows except Chris Morris and maybe Stewart Lee, though even he was on thin ice. The things I learned were: John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman were not kidding when they said people hated them back in the day. Josie Long is not exaggerating when she says she avoids the internet these days because of some horrific stuff that was up there about her early in her career. The genius Garth Marenghi was widely panned when it first came out (and I guess recent Ayoade revelations might suggest a right side of history there, but it’s fine, the recent audiobooks are things Matthew Holenss is doing alone). They also hated The Office when it first came out, which is definitely the right side of history. And Little Britain, while I’m giving them credit for being on the right side of history. People who had dedicated an entire website to loving Chris Morris passionately hated Nathan Barley, which I maintain is the incorrect opinion, and I will continue to maintain that until the day Julian Barratt gets canceled (yeah Noel’s done fucked up stuff and Richard Ayoade’s a transphobe, but surely someone from that Boosh show is all right – Julian was the quiet one, right?).

Is it coming across that I was more – to unironically use a word that has been used ironically so often that I barely feel like it can still be used in its real sense anymore, but I can’t think of a better one – triggered than I’d have expected to be by the Russell Brand shit this weekend, and am kind of seeing the world through a prism of everything and everyone is shit? There was no good reason to go off on a tangent about toxic shit from the 00s Britcom world right now. Genuinely, sorry about that. I’m trying to write about some TV shows that I liked. Julia Davis is not responsible for any reprehensible actions of her husband’s friends.

So. The other thing I learned from reading all those old comedy threads was the people fucking hated Nighty Night. That Nighty Night represented everything that’s wrong with comedy these days (those days being 2004), how the comedians from previous generations, back when comedy was great, would barely be able to look at the horrifying stage of the industry as it is now that these talentless young comics (ie. Ricky Gervais) have ruined it. The whole concept of “dark” comedy has fallen so far that they’re even letting women write it now, and look at the horrible result that is Nighty Night!

That’s what I knew about it, and I knew they were probably wrong, but I thought I’d check to make sure, and yep, it turns out they were wrong. Okay, I have to admit, season 2 was pretty bad. It had some good moments, but it was rough overall. Season 1, however, I thought was excellent. I enjoyed it so much.

Season 1 features Julia Davis, Kevin Eldon, Rebecca Front, and the guy who sat next to Mr. Bean while he at a sandwich and hosted about eight episodes of WILTY before getting fired because it turned out he’d had sex. Yes I know Angus Deayton has done a lot of thing besides that, because that’s how I know him. The first three I think are absolutely perfect in their roles. Angus Deayton is fine. Honestly, I don’t think he was bad or anything. I was just really, really stuck by how good the other three were, and not so much with him.

Rebecca Front plays a woman with MS who uses a wheelchair, and there’s a fair question there about whether this counts a representation or whether it’s using a disability for cheap jokes, but I tentatively come down on believe it’s the former. Obviously ideally the role would have been played by an actor who’s an actual wheelchair user, but there is so little representation for that, and this was treated as part of her character, not as constant jokes about it. She was possibly the only sympathetic character in the entire show, and the showed the challenges she faced from not being able to walk as legitimate parts of her path in life, not as excuses to laugh at her.

It is, as people said, the darkest of the dark comedies. Its opening scene is absolutely perfect, as Kevin Eldon finds out he has cancer and Julia Davis immediately makes it about herself. Sets the scene for the whole thing. My only criticism of season 1 might be that I wish Kevin Eldon had had a bigger role. I thought he was excellent, both the actor and the character.

I loved the way they used the tension. I’m not always a fan of cringe comedy, and this was a lot of that, but I thought it was done really intelligently. It wasn’t an easy watch. At one point I put on an episode of 30 Rock, the way I sometimes do after I see a horror movie, to recalibrate my brain from the darkness to which it’s been subjected. But it was really good.

I loved the ending, where they (spoiler alert, for this show from 2004) escalated things in a way that was extreme but still managed to make sense with the character. This moment when you realize “Oh shit, she’s not just a manipulative fucked up person, she’s a God damn serial killer”, and it recontextualizes the whole thing, knowing you’ve been watching the adventures of a woman capable of murder. I love a good recontextualization, in pretty much anything.

Unfortunately, an ending like that rather precludes a strong second season. Season 1 worked because we were seeing violent horrifying impulses set upon the mundane backdrop of suburbia. Watching her have to sublimate her deeply awful nature into polite society. In season 2, she’s left polite society behind, literally and figuratively, so it’s not as interesting anymore. Also, I didn’t really understand the plot anymore. I could buy that she grew obsessed with Angus Deayton as a distraction from the husband she hated, but not that she’d give up her life for him even once that was behind her. For most of season 2, I kept saying… come on, why would you do this? It’s only Angus Deayton.

Anyway, that was her opening gambit. After that, I watched the shows she made in years after that. One that got picked up for multiple episodes – Hunderby, Camping, Sally4Ever; and ones that only made one episode – Lizze and Sarah, and Morning Has Broken. They were certainly interesting to all watch in a row. There are a lot of similarities among them. What I learned from all those shows at once is Kevin Eldon is a terrible husband who should probably be murdered, no one wants to have sex with Alex Macqueen, and Julia Davis keeps trying to outdo herself as worst person in the world.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I got really into feminist blogs. I remember that around that time (2008-2012-ish), it was really popular for people to write articles about the concept of the “unlikeable female character”. The way female characters don’t get to be truly unlikeable, they have to be femme fatales that are mysterious and charming and sexy. And female characters who do genuinely unlikeable things get hated by the same audience that love a male “anti-hero”, even if he is objectively worse than that female character. There were all these feminist blog posts saying we need more genuinely unlikeable female characters in the media, we won’t have media equality until women can be just as shitty as men on screen.

Most of those blogs were American, which is a pity, because they’d have loved Julia Davis. She plays a very similar character every time, and it’s horrifying, but like a car crash, where you can’t look away. Her characters’ defining traits tend to be that she’s the really sex woman who gets away with her bullshit because everyone wants to have sex with her, and, okay, someone could make a fair point that it’s a bit weird for Julia Davis to always cast herself in that role. However, there was one exception to this: in Hunderby, she played a character where the running joke was that no one wanted to have sex with her. In that show, every time they made that joke, I thought… oh, come on. Have you seen Julia Davis? How do you expect us to buy that she’s unattractive? So, I guess it’s fair enough for her to normally cast herself in a role that’s more in line with reality.

I can’t decide which one was my favourite. I really liked the language in Hunderby; she did that one so well. It’s a parody of period pieces, and I’m not all that into period pieces, but I know just enough about them to get a lot of the jokes in Hunderby that point out their cliches (there are probably some that went over my head, though). But the fun thing is that doing a period piece gave her an excuse to write a whole language just for that show, a sort of parody of old time-y English, and that brought in so many opportunities for more jokes. So often, a mundane line could be funny just because of the word choice.

Obviously, as a member of Team Gay People, I have to consider Sally4Ever as a potential favourite. Aside from it featuring a gay romance between Julia Davis and April from Peep Show (yes I know Catherine Shepherd has done other things, I saw Peep Show as a teenager so everyone in it is still what they were then in my mind, that guy on WILY is just Mark Corrigan behind a desk), which is great, I thought it might have been the strongest iteration of what she’d been trying to do for years. The character played by Julia Davis could have been the same person as her character from Nighty Night, if that character had moved to a new town and changed her name after the events of Nighty Night. And started dating women, but only for opportunistic reasons.

It was basically the same character, but updated to match the way Julia Davis had improved as writer. She was written just slightly more subtly (still not really subtle – subtle doesn’t seem to be Davis’ thing – but more subtle than Nighty Night), in a way that was so funny. Also, I liked how the perspective changed. Sally4Ever was like if Nighty Night were written from Rebecca Front’s perspective, in that it started out being from the perspective of the woman she victimized, and then we slowly watched the effect she had on that woman, rather than seeing it all from Julia’s perspective. But we could infer all of Julia’s motivations from the perspective we got.

Sally4Ever also featured Julian Barratt, and I like anything that features Julian Barratt. I liked the part where someone told Julian Barratt’s character that he just “has one of those faces that looks like a widower”, which is weirdly accurate, I thought. I was impressed with the writers for coming up with that amusing observation, and then I remembered that the writer is Julia Davis, which of course makes it much funnier.

Julia Davis’ real-life marriage makes a lot of that show funnier, given the central battle between her and Julian’s characters. Some comedy couples go the Stewart Lee/Bridget Christie route, in which they aren’t even willing to say each other’s name on stage, barely acknowledge each other’s existence, except in the vaguest references. Some go the David Mitchell/Victoria Coren Mitchell route, in which they will sometimes appear together on TV and play on their relationship, but very much have their own separate careers with clear boundaries between them. Some go the Jon Richardson/Lucy Beaumont route, in which they build their whole career around each other. And some, apparently, go the Julia Davis route, in which she writes in a whole long plotline where she and her real-life husband Julian Barratt are locked in a deeply horrifying – genuinely horrifying, in the “this belongs in the horror genre” sense of the word – psychosexual battle against each other for the affections of another woman. In which they both, on separate occasions, threaten murder against the other.

So I thought Sally4Ever was excellent, but I still think my favourite of the lot might be Camping. It was just so strong overall, not a single weak episode. I thought every character added something to it, though Vicki Pepperdine, I think, really stole the show. Every time her character said anything, I was impressed with how well she was written and acted.

I thought the plot of that one was well done, all the little details coming out just a thread or two at a time, keeping me engaged all the way through. It wasn’t as harrowing as Nighty Night, but it still had the significant escalation at the end that felt both over-the-top and completely earned. The characters were so well drawn and provide so many different and complex funny interactions. I thought it was brilliant. The two pilots were fun too. Of the two of them, Morning Has Broken is the one that I wish had more episodes. That one seemed to have potential, I’m disappointed that it never went farther. They introduced all these interesting characters in this well drawn situation, with some intrigue and reasons to want to know more. Lizzie and Sarah, the one she wrote with Jessica Hynes, was fun on its own. But I did sort of feel like I’d gotten the point by the end of it.

So that's Julia Davis. It's definitely the sort of thing I should have watched before now. Those feminist blogs were right, we do need more unlikable female characters in the world. And Julia Davis is a hell of a start.

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riphimopen · 2 years

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the two greasiest kids on the planet and their big cousin dave.......... shoutout 2 @nevergonnabeastronauts for having the best ever takes on van driessen

#hope its ok 2 tag u dude if not just lmk..!!!#my art #beavis and butthead #unironically everyone go check out their writing RIGHT now its everything #david van driessen

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lillian-nator · 4 years

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Ranch AU

Or, as we all call it, The Cowboy AU

Essentially, this was something that I created, and it’s gonna be purely fluffy, with a small bit of angst here and there. Any of the angst will be hurt/comfort. It’s meant to make us all feel better after those fucking harsh lore streams. I started it, based off of some shit in the Dad!Schlatt AU, and after that I honestly didn’t write most of it. It had really been a project in the discord, because we were all sad and shit, so if you have some fluff to offer, please do! I am happy to make almost anything canon - and we could always use more ideas. :)

I hope you enjoy some mindless farm boi fluff!

BASIC INFO:

It's SBI's Ranch (Phil is Dadza, Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur are his sons)

Phil, sells to the local stores, and manages the crops. He doesn't do too much labor anymore. He hired his boys for that.

Dream, SapNap, Purpled, Tubbo, Callahan, and Punz are all hired farm hands

George, Niki, Ranboo, and Fundy work at the shop where they sell their products; Niki makes all of the dairy products, Fundy and Ranboo stock, label prices, and keeps track of sales, and George works customer service with his Gogy magic.

Wilbur works with the sheep, the goats, and he trains the dogs (Collies - they herd sheep), he also works with the crops a lot

Schlatt isn't hired but he might as well be. He can be found wherever Wilbur is, and is probably drinking a beer he stole from Phil. He doesn't get paid, but he eats all of their food.

Tommy works with the cows, the pigs, the chickens, the horses (sometimes), his goose, and the dogs / cats that they own

Tubbo works with Tommy. Essentially. But he also works on the crops, and the bee farm that they have set up.

Techno works with the horses, and is currently training to be a veterinarian.

Dream works on horses with Techno - they race the horses competitively - but otherwise, is where ever he is needed (usually crops)

Purpled works with Tommy and Tubbo. He mostly works with Tubbo on crops and his bee farm.

Punz and SapNap haul things. As your resident Chads, they are in-charge of moving heavy things and doing manual labor.

Callahan is their repair man. He fixes tractors, and machines on a daily basis.

SOME HEADCANNONS:

HENRY, a saga:

that henry has a matching bandana to the one Tommy has so that everyone knows thats henry. Tommy doesn't like it when people touch henry so henry gets a bandana - Shark -

when Phil first started raising Tommy, he would've never guessed that he would turn out the way he did.

He was loud, and brash, and hit his brothers, and made fun of the neighbor's kids, but then Tubbo became Tommy's best friend, and then Phil introduced Tommy to the cows.

The cows are Tommy's everything.

When a Bred Heifer is due, he sits with them everyday past their due date - he sat with Betty for 5 days when she wouldn't birth a calf. He was so fucking worried.

When one of his cows are sick, he sleeps in the barn until they get better. His last days with Harvey fucked him up.

Tubbo, Tommy, Purpled, and Ranboo spend long nights at the farm, and Tommy always leans against Henry as he stares up at the stars.

Henry who his best girl (all cows are girls and Tommy doesn't give a shit about gendered names). Henry who wears a matching bandana. Henry who is fluffy, and warm, and Tommy's everything. -

Sometimes when Tommy had a bad day, whether it’s stress, or school, or just whatever, Tommy sleeps in the Henry’s stall with her. Phil has so many pictures of Tommy curled up with Henry. From when she was first born to now. - Eye

Tommy hates winter because that’s the one time of year Phil won’t let him sleep in the barn. Even with the layers and heat lamps it’s too unsafe. Tommy always gets up extra early in the winter. Both because he has to check and break ice in the water troughs but also because he misses his girl - Eye -

Henry's mother, Betty, was the first Cow Tommy had helped during birth. He sat with her for 5 days when she hadn't gone into labor past her due date. It took 9 hours for Henry to be born, and Tommy was there through the entire thing -

Well, almost the entire thing. He was at school for the first hour of labor, and was so pissed at Phil when Phil knew and didn't immediately come get Tommy from School.

It always felt like Tommy and Henry had a special bond because Tommy literally raised Henry from birth. -

They didn't think Henry was gonna make it when she was first born, but Tommy was fucking determined, and bottle fed that cow every single day and night. When she was slowly weened off milk, Tommy got unironically sad that he didn't have to bottle feed her anymore.

He still visited her every morning, and milked her mother at dawn, right after he got eggs from his hens. -

Henry waits for Tommy at the end of their long ass drive way when he gets home from school. She knows that when the bus pulls up that her boy is back and so she’s always there waiting lazily for pets and a nice walk together back to the house. Even when it’s cold and someone is waiting for the kids to get home in an ATV or something Tommy always walks back to the house with Henry - Eye

Thinking about how long these fucking country roads are. And how Tommy and Tubbo have the same bus stop even though Tubbo and Tommy's houses are a couple of miles away. Tommy has to walk a mile to get to the beginning of his driveway, and seeing his favorite girl there is like a reward at the end of a journey. Tommy probably keeps a bag of feed in his backpack, which is just a mixture of grain, hay and corn, and gives Henry a handful to thank her for waiting for him.

Clementine, The Goose:

Tommy has a goose, and names it Clementine.

He found her in the woods one day, when she was very young, and he decided he was going to keep Clementine.

Clementine is only ever nice to Schlatt and Tommy. No one knows why.

Clementine follows Tommy around. Very endearing.

Phil doesn’t question it at this point

NEW MILO, the sequel:

OG Milo is a kitten that Wilbur found on the side of the road, in the rain, and he took the kitten in, trying to save him. Wilbur immediately got attached.

Techno pulled an all nighter, half spent trying to save OG Milo and the other half comforting Wilbur. "You couldn't have helped, he was too starved and out in the rain for too long." Phil adds that if Techno can't save something, it can't be saved. - Ethan

Wilbur's next cat was named New Milo in honor - Ethan

Anyway, New Milo has three kittens. Blood God, Boots (given to Fundy), and Bumbles (given to Tubbo). They're called the Bees and they were born Christmas Eve - Ethan

BLOOD GOD, the pussy:

Blood God is Techno's cat. Its just a ferall little molly that loves techno too much. - M -

After Techno helped New Milo have her litter, he wasn't originally gonna keep any of the kittens, but he saw this tiny thing with the orange muzzle and just: stole her.

He is also nicknamed Blood God, for both his skill in hunting and healing

He originally named her Piglet because the orange spot looked like a pig snout [the main reason he chose her and not her stronger littermates] but called her Blood God teasingly when he first adopted her

Wilbur didn't realize he meant it as a nickname and told everyone her name was Blood God

Techno still calls her Piglet, but everyone else calls her Blood God because that's the name on her collar.

Most of their cats aren't collared, but Phil made her a custom collar because he was worried she'd get lost hunting with Techno and Dream - Ethan -

Blood God is such a batshit cat. She's a runt, really, oddly small compared to her siblings, and she's their best mouser

She's the cat that everyone leaves scraps for, but never tries to pet out of fear

Often she'll climb up people's legs and sit on their shoulders, and it's the only time you can pet her.

She is very, very affectionate with Techno and he loves her very much. He has her very well trained, and she comes with him and Dream when they go hunting sometimes alongside a terrier.

She's a little itty bitty calico molly and she has an orange patch right over her muzzle - Ethan

TOMMY'S HENS, the chicks:

He gets real defensive of his hens. They lay eggs for him. They deserve to be treated well. -

Tommy does in fact have an egg incubator; Sometimes it's just better. Tommy prefers letting his hens care for their own eggs, but he does still use the incubator - Ethan -

Some chickens enjoy being thrown so they can flap and shit. A few days after passing ownership of the hens to Tommy, Phil is going down to the crops and just sees Tommy chucking his hens and watching them rush back to be thrown again

he feels a hint of "what the hell" but he notes the gentleness tommy does it with and how the chickens seem to be enjoying it and he shrugs and keeps walking - Ethan -

Once Wilbur was helping Tommy with the chickens and he dropped an egg

Unfertilized, of course, but Tommy looked like you'd just punted a toddler

Three years later, Wilbur isn't allowed to touch the eggs anymore

Tommy's paranoid he'll hurt a live one

"Get out." "What - Tommy it was an accident, it was just one egg." "If you aren't gonna treat Phoebe's eggs with care; You can get the fuck out." "Tommy -" "Out." -

the quality chicken eggs depends usually on how the chicken feels. While under his care, the eggs the chickens produced were really good.

Under Tommy's care? Phil's eggs tasted like horseshit in comparison - Ethan -

They have their like, main barn and to the side of it is a little pond. The chicken coops are a little beside it, with the singular duck coop (he only has four ducks) closest. He calls the area the Business Bay

AGES:

Tommy - 16 Tubbo - 16 Purpled - 17 Ranboo - 17

Techno - 19 Wilbur - 21 Schlatt - 19 Phil - idk like 45 or some dad shit

Fundy - 18 Niki - 19

SapNap - 18 Dream - 19 George - 20 Punz - 19 Callahan - 20

RANDOM HC’S:

Tubbo, Niki, Ranboo, and Fundy are siblings. -

Whenever they eat meat they talk about who they're eating.

They tell stories about their day and such but they always start dinner, when its meat, saying "rip lmao" and telling stories about them

...they don’t do it when they eat beef

Everyone sitting down with their plates of ham Wilbur: so who was it? Phil: Fern Tommy, already eating: rest in peace fern Techno: he shat on my boots once -

Each of the boys get a few animals that aren't allowed to be butchered.

Wilbur has Friend, Enemy, and Skit the Bull. (Wilbur wanted to name a Bull "Shit", but Phil said no because Tommy was 11 and already swearing too much for his liking)

Techno has none of the livestock. He only cares about Blood God, and his horses.

Tommy has a pig [currently unnamed], his Hens (6 or 7 of them, that lay eggs), and his dairy cows -

Phil is ALWAYS chewing on straw. -

Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur all call Phil "Pops" or "Pop". They all used to call him "Papa" though. It's like a coming of age thing for the three of them, when they stop calling him "Papa" and start calling him "Pop".

Phil may or may not have cried when Tommy started calling him "Pop" at the age of 12.

ALTHOUGH, all 3 boys know that if you want anything, you call Phil "Papa". Phil can't resist it. -

Techno and Tommy with starry eyes: pops Phil: no Wilbur: Papa Phil, with slightly less confidence: n-no - Ethan -

Tommy holding a baby calf in his hands that he walls to bring inside for the night because hes in love with her: papa please!! Phil, practically in tears: fine. - M

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feanorianethicsdepartment · 3 years

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‘today’s silm vocaloid song: clear sky engine (クリヤスカイ機関) by nyanyannya and hara ft. rin kagamine and zunko tohoku

this one’s about elrond, maglor, and the sudden non-ending of the world. you know that thing where you build an elaborate fandom video in your head for a completely unrelated song, but you don’t have the most basic art skills you’d need to make it a reality? yeah, i square that circle by writing them out. here, have an extremely long songfic/filk/commentary/thing

It was just another day, beneath a black sky

The bustle of camp churned on around me

I wasn’t paying attention to what my hands were doing

Dreaming of a shining star-lit sky

we open on elrond, living in a world about to die. the fëanorians were forced to abandon amon ereb years ago, and now the last of the host ekes out a precarious nomadic existence, raiding deserted villages for food and losing more people they can’t replace with each battle. they’re still doing better than everyone else on the mainland, though. their blades, at least, remain sharp

(the smoke from the fires of angband has risen to cover the whole continent in dark clouds. some of the sun’s warmth still gets through, and on good nights the star of high hope is still faintly visible, but the light-filled skies of old are little more than memory. all the survivors know that the end is near. it’s only a matter of time)

He’d broken a promise he’d made to us

So I was a little more annoyed at him than usual

He chatted with me while I worked to make up for it

And I made all my usual complaints

elrond and elros are at this point... i’d say very early teens? not that they had much of a childhood; the fëanorians are so short-staffed the twins have been doing odd jobs around camp pretty much since it became clear they weren’t going to run away. today elrond is taking stock of the medical supplies, less because he has any interest in the healing arts than because it’s a job that needs doing and everyone else is busy

maglor is hovering within talking distance, doing elrond-doesn’t-care-what. the twins’ relationship with maglor is extremely complicated to say the least, their mercurial hellbeast protector who scares the shit out of everyone else they’ve ever met and who has stood between them and the darkness for as long as they can remember. recently, he promised to stay with the twins while they did something difficult, but he failed to do so for a whole host of reasons, including getting into a two-hour shrieking match with maedhros at the last possible moment. elros shrugged it off, like elros shrugs everything off, but elrond is a simmering cauldron of adolescent rage at the best of times

which is why maglor’s checking on him, giving him an outlet for his anger before it can turn into despair. because what would be the point, in the end? they’re all going to die anyway. one of the reasons maglor’s resisted sending the kids to balar so hard is that no matter where they are, eventually morgoth will sweep down and destroy them all. there’s nowhere safe left, nothing they can do to protect them. none of this is even new, it’s a shadow that’s hung over them all since the twins grew old enough to understand this

so maglor and elrond chat, or rather elrond grumbles incessantly and maglor snarks as upliftingly as he can remember to. it’s a day like any other, nothing about it to distinguish it from the hundreds that came before or however many will come after. that is, until one of the lesser minions comes over, yelling, ‘boss! boss! you have to see this!’

elrond turns around. for the first time ever, he sees true hope on her face

“Have you finally grown tired of us?” I hissed

But in that moment excitement ran round the campsite

And someone cried out with joy

“The hour we thought would never be, the return of the light, has finally come to pass!”

far, far away, the hosts of the valar are landing on the shores of beleriand. disembarking from their luminous ships, clad in radiant armour and carrying blessed weapons, their brilliance pierces the dark fog that has settled over beleriand for so long. shining like the stars come to earth, the hallowed army of valinor begins its long march towards the gates of angband. far above, ships riding jets of light slice open the smog

this news - this unexpected, unbelievable, impossible miracle bestowed unto doomed beleriand, this chance that their enemy might actually fall - is the greatest thing anyone in camp’s heard all century. maybe in more prosperous times the host would have groused about the valar finally seeing fit to get off their asses, but in this world turned to ash any chance at victory is to be celebrated. the minions throw a massive impromptu party, of the kind they haven’t since before sirion. elros is right there with them, singing off-key and laughing as loud as anyone else. even maedhros cracks a tiny relieved smile

maglor watches the festivities from the outside, more genuinely optimistic than he thought he was still capable of. elrond joins him, brow furrowed as he tries to comprehend it all. they talk

“It feels like a dream I’ll never wake up from”

“What are you blabbering about now?”

elrond is voiced by zunko, maglor by rin. the song’s more of a dialogue than a duet, so i’ll be bolding maglor’s lines

The sheet of paper I held in my hands read

“The hosts of the West have come! Our world is saved!”

the letter’s from gil-galad, or at least his administrative apparatus. it’s not even that hostile; apparently the armies of the gods showing up out of nowhere to save them all from certain doom has him in a magnanimous mood. there’s some drivel about surrendering and eärendil and all wrongs being forgiven, but neither maglor nor elrond is paying attention to it

“Hey, do you remember?”

“Remember what?”

“Love and justice and valour and hope”

“I remember the sea of blood you drowned everything in for them”

elrond didn’t really have any formal schooling - nobody had the time - but he has managed to pick up a lot of stuff from the stories the people around them tell. that the fëanorians came to middle-earth for high noble ideals, and that it was trying to fulfil those ideals that led them into darkness, is something maglor told him once, when he was in a darkly honest mood

“Haha, that’s just details, everybody makes that kind of mistake when they’re young”

“Why are you like this?”

a mood maglor’s obviously not in at the moment, if he’s laughing off the kinslayings like this; elrond knows this isn’t how he actually feels about them. normally elrond would just roll his eyes and move on with his life, but things are different today

The camp was full of laughter, as if everyone had lost their minds

elrond’s not used to happiness. not full, unironic happiness, untainted by the shadow of their inevitable death, not from the fëanorians. the sheer jubliation suffusing camp is fundamentally alien to him, a child of a world about to end. he doesn’t know what to do with the knowledge that maybe they won’t all get eaten by dragons. he doesn’t know what to do with the hope in everyone’s eyes

so instead, when maglor wanders away from the party, elrond catches him with a song

“What if for one more year, ten more years, a hundred more years, the shadow still reigns?”

“Then ten thousand years, a hundred thousand years, a million years later, we’ll see it fall! For certain”

“What if I lay out all one billion eight hundred million three thousand and sixty-eight of the fears I carry?”

“Then there’s one billion eight hundred million three thousand and sixty-nine songs I can give to you”

maglor’s been teaching elrond how to do this, how to snatch someone into a world of music and throw your voice at them until one of you can’t take it any more. maglor wins this one, as usual; even if his song is incapable of anything but violence he’s got centuries of experience on elrond, enough to turn the sharp edges of his voice into blades in elrond’s hands. and that is what he’s doing, clumsy and harsh as he is; he’s trying to give elrond a reason to hope

elrond is the one who breaks the spell, dropping the melody, letting the music dissolve into the air. maglor flashes him a grin and walks off, humming merrily. elrond just stands there, still unable to understand

I’ve heard it before, it’s all anyone can talk about, even if I try to avoid it it stabs into my ears

cut past a decade or so, to well into the war of wrath. elrond and elros are in their mid-teens now. they’re still with the fëanorians, but these days the fëanorian warband is effectively an auxiliary unit to the amanyar army, skirting around the edges of that much larger force. for the first time in a long while, elrond and elros have regular-ish contact with people outside the fëanorian sphere of influence, mostly peripheral edain and the sindar who run messages between the camps. it’s different, talking to new people

(the sky is still covered with smog, but it’s gloomy grey, not oppressive black. the sun is faintly visible through it, most of the time. the rain is much less poisonous than it used to be, and on good nights you can almost see the moon. the closer they get to angband, the darker the clouds grow)

“It is as the gods have decreed, soon the darkness will be swept away and the Enemy will be cast down

And after the war in the purified world, we will all live happily together

Building new homes in a land unmarred by evil”

the people outside the host are much more optimistic about the future, for one. the fëanorian minions are happy morgoth is getting trounced but they don’t really talk about what comes after that, like they can’t imagine a world without war. the sindar, and especially the edain, on the other hand, have all these plans about the cities they’ll build, the arts they’ll perfect, the children they’ll raise in a world without danger. elros is super into this; he barely spends time with the fëanorians any more, he’s so busy going between different edain camps, making friends, planning for the future. elrond, though...

Even my twin knows what future to reach out for...

elrond doesn’t know what to do with any of this. the very concept that someday the war will end and the sky will clear and he’ll have a bright future is still something he doesn’t fully understand. even more, he’s defined himself for so long as not-a-fëanorian, now he’s regularly interacting with people who doubtlessly aren’t he’s having trouble figuring out what else he is. he’s stuck between people who are lowkey hoping they’ll die gloriously in battle and people who have been dreaming about what they’d do in a world without darkness all their lives, and he doesn’t know what he even wants, not really, not yet

so he keeps on living, just like he always has. he’s been promoted to sick tent dogsbody and is learning how to heal with song from the last minion who can kind of still do it. he acts as a proxy between the fëanorians and the more timid outsiders they keep running into. when he goes (or elros drags him) exploring in other camps, he keeps track of every new detail he comes across, in case it’s somehow useful later

and he keeps talking to maglor, with anger and spite and sarcasm and whatever other emotion he’s covering his uncertainties with today. maglor always listens, usually offers to help, and sometimes elrond even lets him. the fëanorian camp settles into a rhythm of buildup-fight-recovery-buildup-fight-recovery, so regular it lulls elrond into complacency. he takes the future he still doesn’t quite believe in one day at a time, until suddenly the ground crumbles beneath his feet

You say it’s to ‘fulfill our ideals’ but what you mean by that is ‘to sate our bloodlust’, I know

With their blades and teeth sharpened for battle, the kinslayers broke away from the light and disappeared into the shadows

there’s a whole mountain of reasons why, as they draw near to angband, the dregs of the fëanorian host abruptly peel off from the valinorean army and vanish into the night. they know they're more effective as a stealthy shock ambush unit, they’re somewhat concerned the amanyar will turn on them the second morgoth is no longer a problem, they're making one last desperate rush for the silmarils, all that and more. it’s not the first time they’ve suddenly packed up and left before their enemies can react, probably not even the first time they’ve done it to the hosts of valinor. there’s just one little difference

Leaving us behind? Leaving you behind

they’re not taking the twins. said twins only find out about this, like, the day before they decamp. maedhros’ justification is something about them not being able to support noncombatants on the march, but the twins believe that about as much as they believe that the fëanorians are doing this for any kind of hope. elros, of course, was half-planning on leaving anyway, going off to chase his own ambitions with his new edain posse. he copes with it pretty well, relatively

but elrond’s mind goes blank. once he thought the day they let them go would be the best day of his life, but now it’s come it feels so wrong, and this horrible coldness is seeping into him. in a flash of what feels like foresight, he suddenly knows the people who raised him will never come back. how dare - why - he can’t -

with a sharp desperate burst of sound that’s a surprise to even himself, elrond lashes out a song to catch maglor

“For ten more minutes, one more week, half a year, please, let me stay with you!”

“In a year’s time, ten years’ time, a hundred years’ time, we’ll see the starlit sky together”

“What if one billion eight hundred million three thousand and sixty-eight times I begged you not to go?”

“Then there’s one billion eight hundred million three thousand and sixty-nine of your other wishes I’ll hear”

and elrond just stops. he lets the song trail off, staring at maglor. he’s in an incredibly weird mood, with something that could almost be compassion in his eyes

there’s only one way he can find out what’s happening, elrond realises

“In that case - !”

maglor was never really demonstratively affectionate with the twins. it would never have come off as real on his part, and they wouldn’t have believed it in any case. still, he supported them. he let them trail behind them, all but cling to the backs of his legs, in those first horrible weeks when they were terrified of absolutely everything. he taught them to ride and he taught them to read, how to reinforce a blade with nothing but song and close a wound with needle and thread. on the darkest nights, when all the world was filled by the howling beasts of morgoth and the wailing of the unhallowed dead, he held them tight and flared his own fires high, a warm smoky bonfire between them and the void. he answered their questions, and told them stories

and sometimes, he tried to be kind

“Sing me a lullaby like the flat of a blade”

“Which one would you like?”

“I want to see a flower that will still bloom”

“I know just the one”

“I don’t care what kind of monster you are! Just please stay with me, for even one more tomorrow...”

“...I’m sorry”

“What do you mean?”

“You were given your name because your parents wanted you to see the stars someday”

it was easy for maglor to justify keeping the twins when they didn’t have a future. the shadow of death blotted out the sky, so why not hold them close for whatever little time they had left? no matter where they were, the void would soon claim them all

except it didn’t. in the end they were not forsaken. the sacred light came out of the west to burn away the darkness and finish the war he once thought they could never win. the hosts of the valar have gotten farther in decades than the noldor did in centuries, and soon enough they’ll cast the enemy down and release the world from his terrible maw. and then the future the free peoples dreamed of will stretch out before them, full of possibilities beyond measure

and that’s why maglor has to let them go. the magnificent people that elrond and elros are already becoming will only wither among hopeless kinslayers who have nothing left but the sword. to flourish into their full glorious selves, they need to be with people who dream, who can travel towards the future alongside the twins with light hearts and songs on their lips. maglor refuses to let his own darkness drown the last people in the world he does not hate. elrond deserves so, so much better than maglor is capable of giving him. he deserves to see the stars

hearing all that, there’s only one thing elrond can say

“You can’t even keep one miserable promise! Don’t pretend like you’re my father, kinslayer!”

and that’s the last elrond sees of maglor. the fëanorians vanish in the middle of the night, leaving elrond and elros (and about half a dozen minions who are taking their last possible chance to get out) behind. elros takes up with his edain buddies and starts making contacts and forging alliances. elrond winds up in gil-galad’s orbit, surrounded by people who are very understanding about how awful his childhood was, which just pisses him off more. he doesn’t throw tantrums or refuse to work, those aren’t luxuries he was raised with, but he spends a fair bit of time spurning every bit of sympathy and aid he’s offered and trying not to cry himself to sleep

with time, though, he finds a place. it starts with círdan, the first person who believes elrond about what his time with the fëanorians was like. then he befriends erestor, and then gil-galad starts actually respecting the way elrond feels, and then he gets officially taken on as an apprentice healer. he starts learning about his own ancestors and their peoples, and reaching out for stories he never knew could be his. as the final battle of the iron hells begins, elrond is doing... better

and soon, the hope that no one in beleriand once dreamed would be fulfilled becomes a reality

And then, as if it had never held power, the darkness was cast down...

they win the war. the armies of angband are crushed. the peaks of thangorodrim are torn down. the prisoners of the deepest pits of the iron hells are freed. the forces of evil are scattered to the four winds. morgoth, the fallen vala himself, is defeated and captured and bound with great chains, unable to ever hurt anyone again. the precious remnants of the light of the trees, the remaining two silmarils, are recovered. the dark clouds evaporate, and for the first time elrond can remember, the sky is perfectly clear. the war of the jewels is finally over

elrond has grown so much since the day he first heard that the hosts of the west had come. he still can’t quite believe it

They held a great celebration beneath a star-speckled sky I’d never seen before

“The world is saved and we are freed! Evil has been vanquished forevermore”

The triumphant voices of the generals poured out over the victory feast while the stars shone true above the happy ending

the soldiers of valinor and the people of beleriand (what’s left of them) throw a truly massive party. it’s still tinged with their grief over everything they’ve lost, but the atmosphere is primarily one of ecstatic relief. they’re alive, and they’ve come out the other side. dwarvish tailors dance with high maiar, humans who don’t remember the moon get drunk with elves who remember cuiviénen. even after the official festivities die down and people start hashing out what they want to do next, the general mood remains buoyant and cheerful. at long last, they live in a world without danger

none of it feels real to elrond. gil-galad’s talking about building a kingdom on the other side of the blue mountains, elros and his grand edain alliance are trying to bully the maiar into letting them set up on tol eressëa, and elrond feels so disconnected from it all, like he’s watching someone else’s life. he’s happy the enemy has been overcome, of course he is, but he’s not feeling the overwhelming joy everyone else is. he can’t let his guard down yet, something is still wrong -

Except he hasn’t come back, they haven’t come back, where did they go, what have they done?

The word raced around as fast as the wind, giving me an answer I never wanted to hear -

where is maglor? the fëanorians broke off to fight the war their own way, but the war is over now, where are they? they were so happy to hear that the amanyar had arrived, he can’t imagine them not thrilled to see the enemy they hated more than anything else fall. in the warm afterglow of victory, it feels like even their sins might be forgiven, and they could finally go home. they have nothing else left; why wouldn’t they take that outstretched hand?

but nobody’s so much as glimpsed their flag since some time before the final battle. elrond quietly assumes, perhaps even hopes, that they all died fighting, and yet he can’t shake the cold dread crawling up his spine

elrond has mixed feelings about the silmarils, and doesn’t particularly care to be near them. by the time the news of their theft reaches him, maedhros and maglor have already fled into the night

Still driven on by their oath, they turned their blades on their kin one last time

“And stole away the hallowed light”

Yes, that light which sank all of our lands beneath a deep dark layer of corpses and ash

all elrond sees is the aftermath, the blood sinking into the ground. it’s far from the first time he’s seen people killed, but somehow now it’s all hitting him, all at once. he sees the bodies and it knocks the breath out of him. all he can see is the dead, from finwë on down, the rotting carcasses of every last person who was slaughtered for these gems, a whole continent bleached with death. they call the silmarils the most beautiful things in the world, jewels shining with the very light of creation, but elrond can’t see it for the blood they’re dripping with

that’s the immediate thing that has his hands shaking and his breath running cold. by morning it’s had a chance to sink in a little, and -

He lied he lied he lied he lied

maglor regretted the kinslayings! elrond knows he did! it was never even something he actually said, it was obvious from the way he talked about them. every single one was a complete disaster, nothing the fëanorians ever got out of them was worth what they lost in the process, and afterwards things always got worse in ways they never expected. and maglor hated the person the kinslayings had turned him into, elrond spent enough time around him to pick up on that much! surely he’d do anything to not have to commit another one?

apparently not! apparently all that regret, all that loss, the arguments and the nightmares and the coldly determined efforts to stop them following his path, it all meant nothing! he still gave in to despair or maedhros or whatever, killed yet more people, stole from the army whose return he said was like a dream come to life, spat in the face of his last chance to go home, and vanished! gil-galad’s people were right! he really is nothing more than a monster!

the shock of it all makes something snap in elrond, whatever fragile optimism he absorbed from the people around him draining away until he feels completely hollow. hundreds of years of suffering and death, and for what?

Smeared with the blood of untold hundreds, untold thousands, untold millions of people

Did they buy us peace for even half a year, even a week, even ten minutes?

Noooooooo!

Even the very land we lived on crumbled and drowned

What was the point?! What was the point?! What was the point?!

I feel like I’m going insaaaaaaane

morgoth may have fallen, but beleriand is dead! nothing remains, not the lush green lands of the stories, or even the dessicated forests of his childhood, just desolate earth and the devouring sea. almost everywhere he’s ever known, almost everyone who lived and fought and dreamed there, are lost forever. nothing was saved, everything was destroyed, what good is a clear blue sky when there’s nothing beneath it?! how can they call this a happy ending?!

elrond can’t see any light here, all the great battles and heroic deeds seem absolutely pointless in the face of everyone and everything immolated in the endless grasping for these gems. the hosts of valinor leave the continent they shattered, the remnants of gil-galad’s people escape the raging forces of nature, and the survivors bicker and fight over resources just like the fëanorian minions elrond grew up around. the world is never going to get better, he realises. the dream of a paradise will never come true

and then one night, running a message down the craggy still-turbulent coastline, he hears a snatch of a distant, familiar voice

I can hear a voice whittled away to a weapon singing what could almost be a lullaby -

elrond leaps off the ridge and onto the rocky beach, scrambling over the uneven ground. he’s heard the rumours about where maedhros and/or maglor went - all of them, there’s dozens of them, he didn’t pay any particular heed to the ones where maglor wandered the coast, but if they were right, if he’s here -

his own voice has grown strong over the years, solid and forceful and mature. elrond screams his song into the emptiness, hoping against hope it will be heard

“What if for one more year, ten more years, a hundred more years, the shadow still reigns?”

“Then ten thousand years, a hundred thousand years, a million years later, we’ll see it fall! Isn’t that so?!”

“What if I lay out all one billion eight hundred million three thousand and sixty-eight of the griefs I carry?”

“Then there’s one billion eight hundred million three thousand and sixty-nine days for you to live!”

“That must be it...”

the impression of a hand touching his cheek, the ghost of a smile. for a moment someone else’s voice slips into the ebb and flow of his song, a shadow reaches out to wipe the tears off his face. live, it whispers. you who i held dearest last, live

elrond’s breath catches in his throat, and the song, and the shadow, vanish. it’s just him on a forsaken beach, the only sounds the waves crashing and the gulls calling. the sky is completely overcast, the clouds dull and grey. he watches them drift along for a while, as his pulse slows down and his airways clear up. live, the word echoes in his mind

he waits until his breathing is back to normal and the churning emotions inside him have settled into a form he can handle. then he wipes his face and clambers back onto the ridge

(life. it’s not much, but it’s enough. it has to be. his home is destroyed, but he is alive; his family is broken, but he is alive. he is alive, and they want him to live, as much as he can while he still has a chance. the world he lives in will never be perfect, but he knows how to work with that)

(and besides - elros, círdan, gil-galad, erestor, the other healers, the small knot of elves of all stripes who seem determined to follow his banner. he hasn’t lost everything, not yet, and he won’t let the world take away what he has left. he’ll never abandon those he loves)

the clouds are lightening. soon the stars will be out. elrond takes a deep breath, and starts running towards his future and the person he’s going to be -

thousands of years later, a memory resurfaces

“Two million, two hundred and forty-one thousand, five hundred and thirty-nine days... Ah, yes. I know I forgot to say it earlier, but you did a very good job”

a smattering of notes are lifted by the ocean breeze. they travel inland, across the worn-down mountains, around the weathered hills, above the tangled forests, up the untamed rivers, and finally into the hidden valley

in the gardens of imladris, lord elrond hears a voice he hasn’t for millennia. a watering can slips out of his hands, and suddenly he can’t breathe

It was just another day, beneath a dark sky

The ocean and the wind roared on all around me

I wasn’t paying attention to how my tears were falling

Trying to remember a clear star-lit sky

that youthful dream of a world free from evil never came true. the shadow came back, and it kept coming back, taking his people, his friends, his family, his wife. everything they built after the defeat of morgoth has been reduced to dust by the weight of time, and every year more of it slips through his fingers. elrond doesn’t know how much more of it he can endure. he doesn’t know how much more he can lose

he chases that scrap of music all the way to the seashore

I ran down the path between the rocks and the spray following that voice I never knew why I loved

But in the end I could only stand weeping

elrond searches up and down the coast, scouring the shoreline for clues, asking the locals, listening. sometimes he hears whispers of song, long wailing lamentations that make his heart ache all the more now that he understands how that despair feels. occasionally it’s loud or consistent enough he can track it, trying to pinpoint the singer’s location in the intense storms of bitterness and grief

but he never finds anything

“You fool, he’s already gone. Like he was never there at all...”

all that’s left is a voice on the wind

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famouslastwordsinmexico · 4 years

Text

Suggested for You

You think to yourself, I shouldn’t have looked that up online.

You’re now staring at a bunch of banner ads that frame your email inbox. Each one is attempting to entice you to purchase succulents from flower shops near and far, small and conglomerated. The bright, animated images boast to you about how their store’s succulents will set you on the path to self-care while reconnecting you with nature. You know these ads are suggested to you and tailored specifically for you based on your search history, but, really, you just wanted to know how to spell “succulent”.

To be fair, you probably shouldn’t be looking up non-work related curiosities while actually at work, but it’s been a slow morning. And yet, right as you excuse yourself for the trivial indiscretion, you’re called into your manager’s office. You lock your computer and worriedly head over to where they wait for you. Upon entering the room you see that there is someone else here for this impromptu meeting. Or, rather, someone has video-called in, their face on your manager’s monitor, which has been turned to meet yours.

“A representative from HR will be joining us remotely,” your manager informs you. They then sit on the front edge of their desk, not behind it, in a manner you suspect all managers unironically believe comes off as cool and relaxed.

“Huh. Is something wrong?” You cautiously take your seat, looking between them and the digital HR rep.

“Oh, no, not at all. It’s just a small request.” They fold their hands in front of them. “That presentation you’re working on for Friday; I wanted to ask if you would give it over to Robert.”

“Robert? Why? I thought it was supposed to be my project.” You worked hard on that presentation, and even harder on that project. It was something that was going to get you noticed by the higher-ups, a first step towards bigger things.

“It is. Or, it was. It…” They stop themselves, physically appear to reset, and adopt a concerned face. “We’re simply worried it might be putting too much stress on you.” They lean in. “How are you feeling? Is everything alright with you?”

“Uh… I’m doing fine?” You’re progressively less certain about what’s happening.

“You sure? You can be honest with us.” They lean back. “We’ve heard you’ve been depressed.”

The shock of this gives you mental whiplash.

“‘Depressed’?” you echo. “Why would you think that?”

“Well,” they begin, affecting the concerned yet distant tone in which only senior managers are capable of speaking, “it’s come to our attention that you’ve been sharing some pretty troubling sentiments.”

“I only really talk about work-related stuff with people, honestly.”

“No, I’m referring to the stuff you share online.”

Dumbfounded, you blink.

“You see,” your manager explains, “we recently employed a service that keeps us up to date with our employees.” They seem mildly pleased with themself over their technological ability. They speak to you but look at the HR rep on screen. “Of course, it’s only because we care for the well-being of everyone here in the office. And their software told us that you’ve been feeling quite down lately. They even highlighted some examples; is it not true that you recently posted about how nothing really matters?”

You don’t recall using those words for anything. As you confusedly shrug, they pull out their phone and hand you it, showing the post in question.

“Wait, what?” you ask. “Those are song lyrics. To a very popular song! I shared them for a ‘Throwback Thursday’.”

“Hmm, no,” they say, taking their phone back. “I’m still seeing a cry for help. Like, what about this one: ‘All I want is to sleep and pizza and do nothing and sleep’? That sounds pretty depressed.”

“That was one of those online things where people let auto-complete write a post for them.”

“Sure, then how do you explain this post, where you describe how you wish the food truck across the street would ‘run you over’ if you ‘tipped extra’ for your burrito before you got back in from lunch?”

“That’s a really old post I made when I was at my old job. The one I left for this job! I made that joke to vent. Other people liked it.” Specifically two people: a friend, and the food truck’s company (which you presume auto-likes any mention of their brand).

Your manager sighs as they shake their head.

“Come on, now, you don’t have to hide. You can be honest.” They lean in again. “This is sophisticated software; it wouldn’t lie. Its algorithm combed through your life and crunched the numbers. You are depressed. And, if you’re feeling depressed, we want to make sure the company isn’t placing any undue stress on you. Wouldn’t want you turning around and saying we’re unfair, or that we torment you with public speaking, huh?” No one laughs at their non-joke. The HR rep briefly writes something on their notepad. “Right. Well, when we ask you to hand the presentation off to Robert, it’s not just because we want it to turn out well, it’s because we want you to be well, too.”

“You’re punishing me because of memes?” you ask, unsure of how much incredulity you can show without further risking your job.

“Oh, no, of course not,” they reply, “we would never!” At this point your manager doesn’t even try to hide that they’re assuring the HR rep more than they’re talking to you. “This company does not punish depression. In fact,” they add, turning back to you, “why don’t you take the rest of the day off? We’ll mark it down as a sick day, a day for ‘personal care’, even.” They nod to themself, satisfied. “I’ll mark it down in your time sheet right now.”

They pull out their phone and begin typing, finished with this meeting. You want to tell them not to do that, since you only have a limited number of sick days, but feel there’d be no use arguing. You stand up, at a loss for words. As you slowly turn to leave you find the HR rep is pointing towards the printer in the room. It prints off something you deduce they sent remotely. It appears to be a pamphlet. The person in the monitor motions for you to pick it up, their face set in the textbook definition of a polite smile. The pamphlet is titled Dealing with Depression.

Your smartwatch pings as you grab the pamphlet and the screen displays an ad for succulents. You turn the watch off.

You don’t feel like going home right away. You instead head to a nearby cafe and order the kind of sugary latte you know isn’t worth the high price and higher calorie count, but you could use the comfort. There are no real baristas here, only machines that charge you extra to print a picture of yourself onto the latte foam. You pay the extra amount. You then sign on to the free wifi, checking off the terms and conditions you didn’t read, and take a picture of your cup to share online. Not five minutes of browsing later you get a call from your mom. You plug in your headset and answer.

“Are you alright?” she asks.

“Yeah, how do you mean?” You wonder why everyone’s asking you that today.

“Because you’re not at work!” You realize now that the picture you just posted is location-tagged. “And I know what kind of drinks you like when you’re feeling sad; I’m your mother, after all.” You should’ve never accepted her friend request.

“No, it’s not that, it’s just… I’m alright. Working from home today, but I figured I’d grab a coffee. That’s all, I promise.”

You don’t think she believes you but her silence tells you she won’t push if you don’t want to tell her the truth. You instead get a notification on your phone that your mom has sent you a “poke”, a feature that only moms still remember exists. She breaks the silence first.

“Well, okay then,” she offers, “if you say so. Anyways, there was something else I wanted to ask you about.” Her tone gets conspiratorial for her next question. “Are you and Jamie dating?”

“What?!” You nearly choke on your latte. “No! Why do you think that?”

“Your aunts told me,” she answers plainly. “And, apparently, some of their friends told them first. They’re still not used to, you know, those kinds of relationships.” As progressive as your mom can be, her age and upbringing still show from time to time.

“I don’t even know my aunts’ friends, why would they think I’m dating Jamie?”

“They saw your picture online.”

You rub your eye, annoyed.

“What picture, mom?”

“Well,” she starts, and if phones still had cords you could imagine your mom twirling hers now, wrapping her finger as she shares the gossip, “you see, one of your aunts’ friends was online and saw you as a suggested friend.” You never understood what algorithms determined those suggestions. “She was curious, so she went in and browsed your page. There it was, a photo of the two of you, looking pretty close and cozy.”

You check your account on your phone. There’s no way someone randomly looking you up online could’ve seen that photo. Although, how many times did the site tell you they were updating their privacy policy and you opted to skip the details of what that meant?

“Mom, didn’t you see that picture yourself before? That was just Jamie and me playing around. You know we’re just friends.”

“Yes, I thought it was nothing. But, those friends of your aunts talk a lot, and they do seem very convinced. I looked at the picture again and it got me thinking.” Her tone gets conspiratorial again. “Are you dating Jamie? I’d have nothing against it. Your father, though…” You block the headset mic to hide your exasperated sigh, and then interrupt before she can finish the thought.

“We’re not close, mom, not like that. My aunts and their friends are making up stories.” You wonder how scrutinized any future pictures you post will be. Maybe you should restrict how much of your profile your mom can access. You’ll have to figure out the new privacy settings first.

“Yes, fine, you’re right. I’m simply saying they sounded convinced, is all.” You can almost picture her busying herself with some chores at home to prove that she’s over it. And yet she adds, “I will say, though, that if you were with Jamie, I’d be very supportive. Jamie’s lovely, and would be lucky to have you.”

You hide another exasperated sigh and change the topic. When she’s had her fill of catching up, your mom says goodbye and you hang up.

You sit in the cafe, your mouth contorted in contemplation save for when you sip from your cup. You thought you were good at keeping your personal and online lives separate, but thanks to dubious algorithms and out-of-touch inquirers, your agency at work has been diminished and your sexuality is being questioned by people who’d be less than understanding. Even if you restrict who gets access to your information, what little slips through the cracks is still interpreted without context. Is that what the internet is now? For people to be data-mined so other people can make assumptions? Who wanted it that way?

Your phone sets off with another notification, informing you that a local indoor plant store has followed you online. They specialize in succulents.

You almost laugh out loud at the insanity of it. Of course; this hunt for data is mostly the hunt for ad revenue. While it’s a marvel how fervently someone on the other side of the screen wants to believe they understand you, advertisers are the ones who set the system up. And even they can’t seem to get it right!

The fever of frustration breaks, giving way to a fever of defiance. Why leave room to be misinterpreted? You decide to live your online life unabashedly and unafraid to share all. Will someone be tracking your moves? You don’t care, but if they are you hope they can keep up.

You grab your phone and browse with fury and determination. You share news articles and let your political leanings lay bare as you never had before. You hit “publish” on every dumb joke and inane thought you had previously hid shamefully as drafts. You post all of the pictures in your phone, and when you’re done with those you take a couple more. You follow musicians, actors, and influencers alike, so that no one would have to guess what your tastes are. You join in as many forum conversations as you can, and only stop when a person you’re arguing with, who has an anime-girl profile picture, threatens to dox you. You log off.

When you finally get home you’re bleary eyed from unblinking browsing and shaky from the excess of caffeine. You want nothing more than to decompress. As you turn on your TV to search for something to stream and zone out to, you call out to your virtual assistant device and say, “Play something soothing.”

Though your command was vague, as the speakers turn on they start playing exactly what you only now realize you had in mind. You love this band, even if you hadn’t thought of them in a while. Your phone goes off with a notification that this band has a concert coming up soon. As if on instinct triggered by serendipity, you click the notification to buy tickets.

While browsing various streaming services on your TV you come across several documentaries that you’ve heard confirm a lot of opinions you’ve had on the state of things. While you’d love to be proven correct, you’re more in the mood for something light. You wonder if they have this one funny movie that’s a reboot of a movie that’s based on a book. Before you can remember the title you see it listed. You hit play.

Ultimately, modern movie watching entails being on your phone, so you scroll through whatever new content was uploaded on your commute home. While you idly browse, you find another tailored ad, this time for a t-shirt boldly claiming that people born the same month as you are kind yet shouldn’t be messed with, each line in a different garish font.

“Ha,” you laugh to yourself, “what a stupid ad.” Even after all the data you gave them, advertisers are no better than your manager or your aunts, thinking they know you and what’s best for you.

Suddenly the page you’re on refreshes. What loads first is the ad, this time for a different shirt that’s admittedly more your style. The tagline reads, “Your life, your look.” Unsettled by the coincidence and feeling like you’ve found yourself in a conversation with your phone you didn’t know you were having, you try to click on a different link. More content loads just at that moment, though, shifting the layout of the page and leading you to click on the ad instead. Surprised, you fumble with your phone to close what’s popped up, but as your panicked fingers slip your phone decides you mean to go through with the order. You adjust your hold on your phone but somehow manage to set off a biometric scan that confirms the purchase.

As if queued by your consumerist momentum, an ad interrupts the movie you’re watching (since when did this streaming service have ads?). The volume seems to increase on its own as the TV blares at you.

“You don’t necessarily feel you age, so why look your age? Our skin cream can miraculously take 5 years off your face, letting your inner youth shine through.” The ad shows a model before and after using the cream. It makes a specific point of telling you the model’s age, which is your age.

You search frantically for the remote to turn the volume down. No matter what angle you point the remote at it, the TV refuses to recognize your button pushing. You get up and simply turn off the TV manually. This gives your virtual assistant device space to chime in with a separate ad.

“Tired of the long commute to your workplace? Find more free time while moving into one of the fastest growing neighbourhoods that’s perfect for you.” The voice emanating from your speakers describes listings in a building that you recognize is half a block away from your office. You run to unplug the device.

One by one more “smart” appliances in your home, devices that you now question their need for internet connectivity, begin to play or display ads that were made to appeal to you exactly.

“Our energy efficient windows fit your green lifestyle!” your thermostat boasts, citing a climate change article you just read.

“Let us deliver the groceries you need for the recipes you love!” your fridge demands, listing off your actual favourite recipes.

“Bzzt!” vibrates your electric toothbrush, calling you to look at its charger’s digital screen and see an ad for a dental clinic, featuring a close up of a mouth you’re weirdly certain is actually yours.

As your apartment comes alive with the sounds of aggressive advertising, you’re terrified. You step out onto the balcony. You think to yourself, and only to yourself, that you need to get away.

A delivery drone floats up from under your balcony and stops right at your eye level. It’s been outfitted with a display monitor. It plays a video.

“Looking for a vacation?” it asks. “Why not fly out to Pasadena, California? You can visit the Cactus & Succulent Society of America’s annual show and sale!”

#creative writing #prose #short story #technology #social media

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carriagelamp · 4 years

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September Book Roundup, back-to-school edition aka The Season Of Red apparently?

Here is a selection of the books I’ve read this month. Summer is over, so the little bit of brain power I had managed to scrape together is quickly disintegrating, so enjoying the hodge podge of stories.

Binti

This was probably my favourite book that I read this month. It’s a novella I first heard about hear on tumblr and went to find a copy in my library. I have since bought the collected trilogy so I can read book two and three at my leisure because it was honestly just that friggin cool. This is exactly my flavour of scifi and I tend to be very very picky about the scifi I consume. It’s about a girl named Binti, a member of the Himba people (a real group of indigenous people from Namibia). They are a people well known for their mathematical and technical prowess, but due to their strong connection to their homeland and the earth they choose not to travel through space like so many other humans do. However, when Binti secures a position at Oomza University, the greatest university in the galaxy, she chooses to go against her family’s wishes and traditions in order to set out into space to attend. Everything is ruined though when her spaceship is attacked by a hostile alien race and everyone is killed but Binti, who must rely on all her intellect and abilities if she wants any chance at survival.

A seriously cool book with great world building – it really successfully introduces readers not only to the fictional scifi world and races of the novel but also to the culture and traditions of the Himba people. It’s a quick read, and feels like a cross between Dead Space and Tamora Pierce. Would totally recommend a read.

Fake Blood

A Canadian graphic novel. It was a goofy cute read. It’s about an awkward group of friends in middle school, and one boy with a crush on one of the girls in his class. Knowing her love for vampire stories, AJ decides, like any self-respecting middle schooler, to try to pretend he’s a vampire. Naturally nothing goes right and some things go wrong in unexpected ways. It’s funny and cute. Nothing amazing but it was a cozy evening read.

The Last Book On The Left

I’ve been listening to this podcast a lot since my friend recommended it to me and finally decided to read their book. For those that don’t know, The Last Podcast On The Left is a immaculately researched comedy podcast that’s hosted by Ben Kissel, Marcus Parks, and Henry Zebrowski, and explores the darker realms of human nature. Ghosts, paranormal, aliens, cults, and of course serial killers. In this book they collected several of their biggest name serial killer series, did some renewed research, and put together a book that is both informative, irreverent, gross, and very funny, complete with some really amazing illustrations by Tom Neely. A very cool read (and listen, if you decide to check out the podcast instead), I really love how they tell these stories without idolizing or romanticizing the people they talk about. Their humour always makes sure you know exactly how much of a pathetic loser these people are. Fantastic true crime, from someone who has never really felt the need to read about true crime before.

Midnight Sun

I won’t harp on this one, everyone is already going to firmly have their opinions here. I grew up on Twilight, I was reading them as they came out, and I still love them. Were they dumb? Oh my god yes. Did they have problems? Sure, they came out in 2005 it was part and parcel. Were they also a really fun for a thirteen year old to read? Absolutely, I don’t regret it. Sometimes teenage girls should just to get like things without being mocked.

Anyway, I am off my soapbox now (can you tell this is still a raw spot for me?) I unironically loved this book! Getting to see Edward’s perspective was really cool, and since he can read minds it essentially let you get the perspective of everyone else around him too. The Cullens family is a great set of characters so it was really cool to see more of them, and I was very impressed by how Stephenie Meyers took a YA romance she wrote in 2005 and was able to make it feel updated and more appropriate for a 2020 audience even though she couldn’t actually change any of the events themselves. So fans of Twilight, don’t be ashamed, go read Midnight Sun and have the shameless fun you deserve. Is there anymore appropriate book for the bizarre ass year that was 2020 than a return to this goofy nonsense?

The Paperbag Princess

(and Up, Up, Down, and Robert Munsch in general)

I’m back in schools so I’m back to reading children’s book! And honestly, and of you that don’t occasionally sit down and read a kids book out loud don’t know what you’re missing. Anyway, Robert Munsch is a Canadian author, and one of my all-time favourite children’s authors. It surprised me to learn he isn’t as well known in the States apparently? I don’t know if that’s changed or not, but he is a Canadian staple for a good reason, his books have ridiculous premises, are specifically written to be fun to read out loud, and have beautiful, involved, and hilarious illustrations. The Paperbag Princess is one of my absolute favourites, and as a kid it was one of the first stories I had ever read where a princess is the one saving the prince… and then telling the prince to piss off when it turns out he’s a jerk. Up, Up, Down is another favourite I reread this month, because it’s just hilarious funny and makes a fantastic read aloud with kids. Some other Robert Munsch I reread this month include: Mmm, Cookies, More Pies, Ribbon Rescue, Just One Goal, and Andrew’s Loose Tooth. You just cannot go wrong, for kids or adults.

Pit Pony

Another Canadian staple while I was growing up. If you’re a young adult know who went through the Canadian elementary school system, you probably had your entire heart ripped out and stepped on by this chapter book. It’s a historical fiction that looks at the economic hardship, debt slavery, child labour, and animal abuse that was tied to coal mining in the Maritimes. Finding a copy was harder than I would have expected give how pervasive it was a decade or so back, but reading it again was a pure shot of nostalgia.

Seeking Refuge

A graphic novel written by a German-born Canadian about a Jewish girl who flees Nazi-occupied Austria by way of Kindertransport to become a child refuge in England. It follows her as she is moved from host family to host family as the war continues to pick up and gradually makes it’s way to the United Kingdom as well. It’s very poignant and the pencil-sketch illustrations are an interesting change to a lot of the graphic novels that are out right now. This story is still aimed at a younger audience, so it never gets too brutal but it still is a hard hitting story, especially with everything else going on right now.

Silver Spoon #9/10

I know I’ve talked about these books before, but my library got some more since I last read them, so I’m continuing my way through the series. It’s about a teenaged boy who, after having a breakdown from the pressure he was feeling to study and succeeded, decided not to attend an academic, urban high school, but rather to apply for an agricultural high school so he could live in the dorms, far away from his parents. The series just gets more and more heartwarming as it continues. It’s all about failure and overcoming and how worth can be measured in different ways, and about family and understanding each other and coming together… but also about the realities of farming which aren’t always very nice, especially when it comes to finances and survival. It’s written by the mangaka behind Fullmetal Alchemist but I’ll be honest… I think I like this series more. It is honestly one of my all time favourite manga series, it just has so much heart.

Ruby Finds A Worry

aka Ruby’s Worry apparently? I can’t figure out why this has more than one title. I actually read it in French not English, so for me it was Le Souci de Calie. Regardless, this was a nice little picture book for talking about worries and anxieties with children… especially with the amount of Covid stress a lot of kids are dealing with. It explains in a really nice way how talking about anxieties are often the best way to make them more manageable, and how pretending nothing is wrong can just let it grow bigger and bigger. A good explanation for kids and possible a good reminder for adults.

War of the Realms: Journey Into Mystery

I read this because the Mcelroy family wrote it so I figured Hey! Why not give it a go! And I’m glad I did. Their brand of humour was all over it, and it made the story a delight to read. I don’t follow all of Marvel’s weirdness, so I didn’t actually know most of the characters (Miles and Kate were actually the only two I was familiar with) but they do a great job of introducing the characters and making them all feel distinct and interesting. I absolutely adore the Dog of Gods (God of Dogs) who is a very very good boy. And Miles is absolutely always a delight so you can’t really lose. It’s a single book that I think is a part of a larger plotline that I have zero interest in. This book is a fine one to read though if you don’t mind jumping into the middle of the action and just getting swept along for the ride. Also Mcelroys!

Witcher Omnibus

Bleh. Absolutely not worth it. All the misogyny and Dumb Bullshit that I hate in the original books and from video games in general. Honestly, Witcher III did way better by its characters than most of these short stories. The only one worth reading in it is Curse Of Crows – that one was actually really enjoyable, probably because it was about Ciri and had an actual fucking woman on the writing team. (Seriously guys what were you thinking with Fox Children that’s literally just a story from Season of Storms but done worse. Fuck off.) If you like The Witcher, go read Curse of Crows and skip every other story in this book.

Billy Stuart: Les Zintrépides #1

Another French (Quebecois) book I read, though I believe you can get it in English as well (Billy Stuart and the Zintrepids). It’s a chapter book / graphic novel hybrid, and was honestly a fairly fun little read. It’s in a similar vein to Geronimo Stilton but done much better in my opinion. The humour was funnier, the characters felt less like caricatures, and while it still used stylized fonts it was also less intrusive and eye-strainy than the Stilton books. Also when the story suddenly pivots into the main adventure and mystery of the series? Fantastic. Was not expecting a hell-beast to appear part way through the story. Very interested in reading more.

Over all, it was cute and funny, and I can see it being a good next step when children have read their fill of the Stilton series and want something similar but possibly a bit more involved and coherent.

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incarnateirony · 5 years

Text

Representation, Authorial Diversity, and more.

“I’ll take some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.”

Been a while since most of you thought about that line, hasn’t it? And for some of you it somehow sends some primitive lizard brain gaydar into overdrive and you can’t really pinpoint why, can you? It makes no sense, that line alone, and how it stands -- but between all of the talk of both Bobo Berens and LGBT media history, including The Celluloid Closet/Vito Russo or the Vito Russo Test, this moment actually puts a pin in a shift within our show, its handling of content formerly completely overlooked by creatives, and the importance of diversifying our writing crews that we all press for.

It was the moment our show leaned, and frankly-- should have been the moment the straights panicked. In fact, some of them did, just before it aired, and then everyone has played at oblivious since.

Before seasons air, we get news on new authors being added to teams, or other workers. Pre-S9 was no different, with fandom finding a tweet from Bobo Berens, our first open-closet LGBT author. I mean, Out And Proud. A true king.

The association if this is the mention of the Bechdel Test, a step aside of Vito Russo.

Now let us begin.

Well first of all I’m just gonna let everyone get a giggle at how Bobo handled the straight male knee coil:

But anyway the response to his initial tweet was a merry go round of concern trolling in the area of “OH DEAR I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU PLEASE ALLOW US THE NORMAL ASSBAGS OF THE FANDOM TO TELL YOU AN AUTHOR HOW STRAIGHT THE CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW YOU’RE WRITING FOR ARE” and I dunno, it’s comedy.

Whether or not Bobo was addressing SPN as a new project in particular -- and it, from a dark age of SPN I’ve covered the upheaval during -- this is important. Really, really important.

Let’s say that timeline does overlap Bobo’s, and he did implicitly believe it; he might have had to write them as Straight Guys; but his own deep-seated place in the LGBT community developed resonant text, he made change. Change enough that when his first script was put into motion, the showrunner took one look at it and, for the first time in recorded history, we had note of some sort of intent --

Misha went on to say “so that’s what we played there.”

Regardless of anyone’s misunderstanding about how the fandom riled themselves up prematurely and shot themselves in the foot by lighting a CW exec on fire in the middle of network level board/CEO rotation commotion, or whether or not it’s visible enough for anyone--

this, this moment, this content, created by this LGBT individual led to this first known forward motion of intentful creative subtext. People can hilariously try to argue semantics about it that summarily boil down to “I mean it could be metaphorical jilted lovers it could be this it could be jilted lover bros, it’s just a turn of phrase!” in a loop as they’ve done with this data for six years until it dies every time, but this was it. This was the moment.

There is a nuance in this sort of writing -- how easy would it be for Dean to come up and say, “I’ll take some beef jerky.” Dean’s the meat man, Dean loves meat! We’ve seen it in other, new, straight authors the first time they try to tick off the Dean checklist, but like many lessons, that extra line leading into that smile holds volumes of LGBT history unspoken.

I think several of us Old Gays(TM) have banged on about the necessity of reading the Celluloid Closet, because for as much as people think they’re chasing queer subtext around here, it’s like they have completely missed that there actually is like, a printed, accepted code of conduct on this shit, basically. That’s not exactly what it was released for, but if you’re LGBT and engaged in lit and over 40 like you’ve read and understand and know this.

I’m not going to sit here and over-needle that line; most of you felt it the second your eyes drifted over it; but the sum of it is -- why that, what charming secret comes with that smile, a dean we’ve never seen smoke either, how is this part of how Dean throws himself back before his ex buddy leaves more unseen, *why* is that the hook? These are ironically things that no lit crit study *beyond* excessive citation of Celluloid Closet will really capture. This is a form of queer coding -- not the villainous disaster type that queer coding actually *is*, but the subversive form as it’s begun to be casually addressed in the population with positive, resonant content by authors choked out by IP holders while trying to service an audience. Or sometimes, even starting to accidentally.

So you know, you can unironically double down on the simplicity of Dean implicitly probably being a smoker (a possible read of subtext!), and I think this is kinda where the bizarre split happened tbh, because dude bros double down subconsciously into each reading of this kind of coding-- Dean just smokes, or this or that, though it grows thinner by year. Not about why that line is tossed, and how, and does just set off some sort of TV pheremone we all swamp like a bee hive. None of these moments truly mean anything independently. But it is the perspective and voice the text begins to take. The difference between that and “Hey pal [chews on jerky before buying] marlboros and got any pie?” in one moment that knocked everybody around on their ass in the fray of it. And then it all just went gayer from there, as if framed by one sharp moment that set the rest of the tone.

Hopefully you’ve all read my giant post about the history of this all to remember what I mean by accidentally, but even Bobo posted on it before,

That’s all an aside to the general point but worth placing into the edge of the conversation here.

The simple fact is, an activist gay man joined the show, and possibly with ‘keep it straight’ notes wrote some stuff so resonant, due to his point of view in life and the world, that even the showrunner decided to further guide it in that direction. It blossomed a direction.

The direction was small and slow and meek at first, (well, in final product -- don’t get me started at how S10 looks if all the cut scenes were included) with subtext running as dull echoes in Colette (oh look he wrote that too), and maybe more obvious with classic heart songs -- but even this was more structured than “Misha inherited abandoned storyline they scrubbed the romance out of as best they could”, or “Sera Gamble is a dumbass” that just happened to feature great chemistry and some resonant elements, like Bobo mentioned, we all connected with. But to actually constructively choose to incorporate these, no matter how quietly, was... *new.*

And some called it queerbait and I’ve already given history lessons from other angles on why no, but also now why here, definitely, no.

By season 12 we gained Yockey, another LGBT man, another activist in his own way like Bobo, but his less in writing political stuff and more in writing LGBT specialist plays. And everybody loved him, and saw it, and Yockey gets a boat load of praise -- deserves a lot of it -- but sometiems I feel like Bobo gets trampled over without recognition of how he shifted the playing field, the calculated effort he started putting into mastering those accidental resonances into something new, and ultimately to guiding the new author crew, Yockey included, or Jeremy on this newest episode who thanked him.

The same man that picked up Wayward and connected Dreamhunter... back to his own work and moments. The insanity of yelling “HOW DARE YOU LESSEN DREAMHUNTER BY COMPARING IT TO DESTIEL!” when, dead ass, you’re looking at this author who has carefully incorporated work and, with an already resonant story, made another relationship familiar to us by making it similar. Because that’s how writing stories works! But either way, Bobo has been in here doggedly growing the breadth of the legitimacy of queer narrative in supernatural -- to the point that it HAS narrowly, quietly breached into text even if not “loud” or “visible” enough for some people -- and the point where the subtext is so wall to wall and flooding every piece of cinematography in shooting and not just set or lights but complete mise en scene -- a point where everybody OUTSIDE of fandom is just addressing this shit as what it clearly is --

...That’s something that came with bringing the scope of an LGBT male author into the show. Whether you like the volume he’s been allowed to take his work to or not is your own thing, but before yelling queerbait at any creatives, perhaps it’s time to play “sit down children, and learn to appreciate the activists who came before you and how they’re fighting for you right now”. You wanna yell at something, get organized, pelt the CW in a non-aggressive, non-light-on-fire way, do activism like the books Emily put together that are resultingly still on the current showrunner’s desk now 6 years later, but most of all, don’t take a shit all over content you would otherwise enjoy, at the expense of a man in the demographic you’re trying to represent, who has battled, LITERALLY, for both the women and the gays in this show. Wayward was his baby. This slow swing in S9 that turned into a loud din in S12?

It wasn’t magic. It was a gay author. A gay author that has now climbed to be an Exec alongside dabb and the others and SURPRISE now suddenly everything’s so gay the whole goddamn world is seeing it. Literally SEEING IT, not just guys looking at each other with stories, but intentful, meritful choice in extremely bold cinematography choices that don’t require chasing a post-it on the wall, but instead are shot with care and devotion. Be that 12.19 Mixtape (OH DAT HIS) or 13.5′s Never Too Late (OH DAT YOCKEY. check what antis said to Dabb in his mentions after, even they saw it). Be that 14.18′s het drama PR promo (OH OOP DAT WAS HIS), be that 15.1-3′s entire tension and the openly addressed and so-called by media sources break up (OH DAT HIS), be that 15.7′s low key textuality (to which the new author thanked the elder for guidance, huh), or 8′s heavily shot domestic separation moment loudly filmed in the choicefully hollowed out and dimmed kitchen bereft of family -- this change? This had a moment. And you can find it.

I’ll have some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.

So this has been eating at me ever since this whole topic came into play.

Anyway full circle them trying to ride Bobo to Keep It Straight probably wasn’t their smartest idea ever. We gays are contrarian by nature so tell me to do it again, motherfucker. And now here we are in Destiel Divorce Season 15 as heavily managed by Bobo.

Everyone got so fuckin dramatic when Yockey said he was leaving like, tolling the burial bells of Destiel and-- like??? hello? BOBO? JUST? GOT? PROMOTED? Like Yockey didn’t make that entire platform all by himself, and hell, he didn’t leave without laying out unironic empty space of it. Yo guys, Berens done been here a WHILE to the point he’s now *callbacking his own season 9-10 material wtih him and dabb*. Like. Lmao. Guys. Guys listen. Listen. Think.

Whatever your weird goalpost is I’m not promising anybody’s anything is about to get hit. Whatever clown nose expectations you all have enjoy those and honk those loud and proud but remember most of those are yours. But respect the fact that Berens has essentially cornerstoned an entire queer canon within Supernatural discussion, of which others are included in as they joined.

And yes, queer canon. Not the way fandom throws it around for weird kissing spots, but articles of discussion of queer narratives, of which we can literally draw a wealth of episodes from LGBT authors or their understudies and literally point and go “all of that right there, officer.” Whether it’s visible or textual or undodgeable or marketed enough or glittery enough or whatever for everyone’s very unstable definition of “canon” -- Berens has literally cornerstoned an entire architecture of queer canon within this legacy show.

#supernatural #spn #destiel #bobo berens #representation issues

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anyway-i-love-vanderwood · 5 years

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Hey! So, in honor of the holiday (and my poor, poor throat), how would the gang deal with MC being sick of Valentine's Day? The specifics can be up to you, it is your writing, as long as we can see some sweet Vanderwood? lolol

✿I wanted to do something short and funny to get back into HCs so thank you for this!

Yoosung

Until he actually hears your voice, he’s terrified that this is an excuse and he did something terrible to upset you. Like - oh no!! I’m the worst boyfriend!! So bad that my partner is faking sick because they’re worried I’ll publicly embarrass them or something!

I have to cancel the mariachi band I hired to serenade us at lunch!

(It was Seven’s idea. Yoosung has got to stop listening to that man.)

Once he realizes just how genuinely clogged, snotty, and feverish you are, Mama Yoosung comes out in full force. He spends the day doing all of your chores, feeding you, and generally being supportive, sweet, and loving.

He Googles every single home remedy for colds under the sun, adds in a few more from his mom, and makes you take them all.

After the fifth dose of bitter paste, you tell him that you’d rather fall into the sweet, cold embrace of death, thanks.

NO YOOSUNG, YOU ARE NOT DRINKING LIZARD BROTH.

Zen

When he learns that you’re sick, he howls with such despair that the neighbors actually bang on his door to make sure he isn’t fatally wounded.

How can you be sick? On VALENTINES DAY? The most important holiday of the year??!? He was gonna show you off to everyone! He was going to make all the singles feel what he felt when couples were broadcasting their oo-ey gooey love on the February Fest of Romantic Bliss! HE WANTED TO FEED YOU CHOCOLATE FONDUE AND GIVE YOU FIVE MILLION FLOWERS.

“Five million?” You repeat dully, your voice ragged from sinus drainage.

“Five million!”

Obviously, he insists on at least coming over so you can see his beautiful face watch romcoms together and cuddle, but he’s also an irrepressible cuddlebug and can’t not pull you into his lap for snuggles.

And smooches.

Zen, you’re lucky you have a god-tier immune system despite your nutritional intake being piss-poor, because you’re just inviting it in at this point.

Jaehee

On the disappointment scale, Jaehee checks in at around a… two or so?

She’s honestly more worried about you while simultaneously being annoyed that the booming business of Valentines Day means she can’t take time off to fuss over your health. Not that she doesn’t try, but you won’t let her because she needs the income. Running a small business is tough!

At around noon, a ring at the doorbell reveals Zen, who - with a flourish - reveals a bouquet, a resupply of medicine, and a drink from Jaehee’s cafe made especially for you. Zen will act as the courier of his favorite couples *~love~*!

Thanks zen

Once Jaehee can close up, she rushes over to come see you, and you have a wonderful, low-key tea, movie, and heart-shaped cake (that she made!) date on your couch.

Even though you’re sick and icky, it’s a nice day overall. Jaehee is a modest, warm, and caring soul who makes your stress just melt away by sitting next to you.

Or giving you a nice massage.

Thank you Jaehee and your martial arts grip!

(The others are under the read-more!)

Jumin

Oh Jumin.

He starts off the day with a racket. How could you have gotten sick? Where have you gotten germs from? STAFF, DISINFECT EVERYTHING NOW!

Once you get him to shut up honey please you are only making the headache worse, he gets much easier to deal with. Because of Jumin Han being Jumin Han, you are never actually obligated to leave your home and you have everything your heart could ever desire in the medicine, food, and chocolate category… but you still want to do something for Valentines Day with him.

Especially since Jumin Han has never gotten the chance to, well… experience the holiday in a pure way. What it actually means beyond the giant stuffed bears, fancy champagne, and chocolate truffles with too many vowels in their names.

So, you make him go on a walk with you.

He’s resistant - won’t that make your condition worse? Your insistence that you actually would like some fresh air makes him relent, and you take a short stroll together to a local park.

It’s… honestly really nice, snuggling against him against a bench and enjoying a puff pastry from a local food truck as you search for warmth against the chilly air. You people-watch, you point out fun outfits and sweet couples, and Jumin is reminded once more just how much he likes spending time with you.

No matter the setbacks, no matter the weather, no matter your current antibody level… just being with you is wonderful for him.

707

When you open the door, a rain of red sparkly glitter and shimmering confetti hearts showers down upon you. Beyond the pink mist is Seven, grinning like a jaguar and carrying a bottle of champagne in one hand and NyQuil in the other.

“Honey, I got you a gift you’ll never forget!”

“What, permanent liver scarring from combining alcohol and acetaminophen or the glitter I’ll never get out of my carpet?”

“Both!”

(But seriously please do not drink and take Tylenol/DayQuil/etc it is a bad body choice)

Setting the champagne aside for later (like, when you’re feeling better later), Seven pulls out your real gift, which is an intricately detailed chocolate sculpture of the Mars Rover that he had commissioned for this special occasion.

Like, it’s so pretty that you can barely bring yourself to eat it.

How did you get this, Seven.

This is ridiculous.

Seven takes you being sick in perfect stride, almost like he’d planned for this happenstance, and you have a wonderful Valentines Day with him playing video games, watching movies, and talking about which spaceships were destined to fall in love with each other.

It is a ship war.

“Oh… oh no… I didn’t get you sick, did I?”

v stop blaming yourself for everything!

V has had a rough time on the dating scene, so it doesn’t matter if you’re sick and feel like shit YOU ARE TAKING THIS MAN OUT ON A DATE.

“But - “

“NO BUTS, V. TODAY IS A DAY FOR AGGRESSIVE COURTING.”

“okay”

Armed with a bag full of tissues, a thermos of tea, and the desire to show V how good you are at romance, you take him to an art gallery, a concert, and a FANCY RESTAURANT WITH CAKES SHAPED LIKE ROSES. ROSES.

“D-do you… need to step out?” V asks in a hushed whisper as you try to blow your nose as quietly as humanly possible during a violin solo.

“i ‘ m f i n e”

He thinks its sweet, though he really does wish you’d spent the day resting given that tomorrow you’re even sicker. He’ll do all the dishes and bring you some hot tea in thanks for your struggles.

Saeran/Unknown

BUT YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO BE SICK ON VALETINES DAY, IT’S AGAINST THE RULES, HOW ARE YOU SUCH A BAD PARTNER WHO LETS THEMSELF GET SICK -

*cough cough* goes Saeran, and your eyebrows go up.

“Saeran, are those tissues in your pocket?”

“no”

“Saeran, is your… voice cracking?”

“nO”

“Saeran, is your nose red and running -?”

“NO AND STOP ASKING”

Anyway, long story short, the world’s favorite idiot dandelion is also sick on Valentines Day which is pretty typical considering he spends most of his time around you. Given the both of you are too mutually stuffy to go out and enjoy the day, you stay in and have tissue-basketball competitions and engage in your favorite pastimes: being annoying on the Internet, eating too much junk-food, and mutually refusing to admit that you’re both watching Twilight unironically.

Which is honestly what you might be doing if you weren’t sick, but let’s not critique either of your dating techniques here considering its a miracle you aren’t both dead in a ditch somewhere.

Vanderwood

So uh. Does the relationship code obligate them to hang out with you on Valentine’s Day?

Yes?

Shit.

Look, they don’t like being around sick people, okay? And you’re so runny and germy right now. But Vanderwood also supposes that if the most romantic thing they can do today is clean up your snot, then whatever. It’s not like they actually care about a soulless corporate consumer holiday like Valentine’s Day or had plans for it or anything -

(”Vanderwood, are those tickets for that super popular musical that’s been sold out for two months sticking out of your pocket?”)

(”NO.”)

Anyway, you’re a walking plague ward, so Vanderwood puts on their face mask, strong-arms their way into your apartment (despite you telling them at least fifteen times that it’s fine, really, you don’t actually mind, they’ll catch what you have!!) and makes you chicken noodle soup. Like - goes all out on this chicken noodle soup. They make the noodles by hand! They simmer shit! Look at all of those finely chopped carrots and bits of celery, it’s like an episode of Top Chef! Damn dude, is that fresh oregano? Like, from a plant? WHY DID YOU BRING AN OREGANO PLANT OVER VANDERWOOD.

Despite them telling you to stay in bed and rest, they’ll bring you tea and medicine and cold cloths for your head, you insist on helping them. The germs will boil away with the heat, right? That’s how science works!

Vanderwood isn’t sure if that’s how science works or not, but they break when you say you don’t really want to be left alone and miserable in your room, and there’s something really appealing about you standing next to them, slicing bits of dough into thin strips of noodle and leaning against their shoulder for support…

Happy Valentines day, Vanderwood. Welcome to domesticity.

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arlingtonpark · 5 years

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Winter 2020 Anime Round-Up

I decided to do a round-up of all the anime I’m watching this season because, turns out, most of the shows I was interested in were bad!

I.D. Invaded.

This is a psychological thriller sci-fi mystery type show. It’s about a police unit who uses this sci-fi technology to detect a killer’s murderous intent and create a sort of virtual reality projection of the killer’s mind.

They then take a special agent and insert him into the projection to hunt down clues and find the killer’s identity and whereabouts.

Enjoying this show is not cheap. It asks a lot of you.

1. Don’t laugh at how ham-fisted the exploration of how a killer’s mind works is.

2. Don’t laugh at the special agent’s official designation being “The Brilliant Detective.”

3. Don’t question the ridiculous premise of the show; they use a killer’s particles to create the projection of their mind to hunt for clues, but are later shown using those same particles to pinpoint the killer’s location.

4. Don’t laugh at one of the police unit’s agents being a teenage girl.

5. And, of course, don’t notice all the expository monologuing for the audience’s sake.

The show is silly, but there’s some intriguing stuff in it. The conflict between the unit’s field squad and the desk workers can be good, though the locus of that conflict being about what seems to be a bureaucratic oversight is pretty weak.

The teenage girl is the most bald-facedly ridiculous thing about this show, but she is unironically the best character. She does some daring, crazy shit in this show and I was legitimately shocked by it.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

6. Don’t laugh at the OP using recycled production materials and footage from the first episode.

Signs of a quality production right there.

Plunderer.

>.<

This. Show.

I feel bad for Sarah Wiedenheft. She voices the main heroine in the dub. The in-over-her-head, naïve, helpless heroine, Hina.

God, help us!

Hina is a woman with a mission. She is bubbly and naïve, but stubborn and she gets in over her head by the end of the first episode. Why?

You know why, fool! So she can be rescued by the hero.

This show puts a creative spin on the typical shonen formula. Many shonen shows are designed to be wish fulfillment for teenage boys, with Mary Sue main characters for them to project onto.

The crazy spin on the formula here is that it’s wish fulfillment for sexual predators.

That’s not a joke.

The show takes place in a magical world where everyone is branded with a “count,” a number that increases whenever they complete a task specific to them.

Hina’s count goes up whenever she walks 100 km. Another’s count goes up whenever her food is complimented.

The count is denoted by a number that’s branded somewhere on their bodies. Hina’s count is located on her inner thigh, just below her crotch.

Meanwhile, this is what the hero does to Hina the first time they meet:

This is them at the end of the episode after he rescues her.

You know how in Dragon Ball, Master Roshi was this old pervert? The hero here is like that, except he’s young, not old, and a predator rather than just a pervert.

Licht is the hero; his count goes up whenever he dates someone, I guess, but the thing about him is that he’s a predator, so his count is actually -999. If your count reaches zero, you’re Kylo Ren-ed off into an abyss never to be seen again, so negative counts shouldn’t even be possible.

The reason the hero isn’t dead is because he’s actually.

Wait for it.

The Legendary Ace!

A badass fighter spoken of only in legends!

Who is this show even for?

It’s clearly supposed to be a wish fulfillment kind of show, but the only people I can see projecting onto the hero are, like, really, really pathetic people who fantasize about sexual assault.

(Another female character’s count is located on her left breast.)

The heroine is looking for this legendary ace, but even though she’s lived in this world her whole life, and has traveled throughout it her whole life, she knows nothing about how the count system works.

That was necessary, you see, for two reasons: so the system can be explained to us in monologue, and so the heroine can be made helpless and in need of rescue.

Those with a higher count have a high social status. This could have been a cool exploration of how luck is underappreciated as a factor in one’s social status, since how counts are determined is completely arbitrary and some are easier to increase than others, but no, we don’t get that.

People with a lower count must obey people with a higher count. But you’re in the military, there is an appeals process: if you have a lower count and are ordered by someone with a higher count to do something, you can challenge the high count to a duel and if you win, you can ignore their order.

You can then take the loser’s count and add it to your own.

These duels are called “star stakes.” >.<

Hina, naturally, is suckered into one of these duels and is about to lose everything when Licht saves her by agreeing to duel Hina’s opponent on her behalf.

And just to emphasize how infantilized Hina is in this show, Licht not only saves her physically, he even provides her with some emotional support, but phrased in a way that totally talks down to her.

Asteroid in Love.

I’ve already seen the first episode three times, and I have no shame!

Doga Kobo is the Kyoto Animation of the past few years. Just as KyoAni made a name for themselves with a string of shows about cute girls doing cute things, Doga Kobo have sort of taken on that mantle.

Three Leaves, Three Colors; Gabriel Dropout; New Game; Senko-san; and now Asteroid in Love are all shows with good characters with good design work and animation better than they had any right to have.

This show is about a girl named Mira who meets a boy named Ao during a camping trip. He has a thing for astronomy and Mira is completely won over by it. They promise to discover and name an asteroid together.

Tragically, that one camping trip was the last they saw of each other.

Comically, they happen upon each other at the start of high school and wouldn’t you know it? Ao was a girl the whole time!

She was very tomboyish at that time in her life, so Mira mistook her for a boy.

But whatever, Mira’s friend still ships them.

They’re both passionate about astronomy, so they reconnect and become good friends real quick.

The friendship between Mira and Ao is by far the best part about this show; unfortunately, everything else is very generic.

High school club? Check.

Club member who’s boisterous and excitable? Check.

Club member who’s serious and down to earth? Check.

But in spite of all that, I could watch this show all day.

The presentation is excellent. The character designs are lovely and the direction and animation are amazing.

Magia Record.

A spin-off of Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Magia Record takes place before Rebellion, but in an alternate universe where the events of Madoka Magica haven’t happened yet. There’s a new cast, but the main cast of Madoka Magica will be back as major characters.

InuCurry, who did the artwork for the witches’ labyrinths are back, this time as series co-directors and co-writers.

The Magica Quartet, the brain trust of people who created Madoka Magica, Gen Urobuchi, Akiyuki Shinbo, Ume Aoki, and Atsuhiro Iwakami, are back too. The four are collectively credited with coming up with the story.

Shinbo, who co-directed Madoka Magica, is back as an animation supervisor. Aoki is back in her role as character designer. Iwakami is co-credited with series planning.

Yukihiro Miyamoto, who co-directed the original series alongside Shinbo, is back as assistant director.

This show…it’s just good to see it all back. The character designs are a bit different from the original series, but they nailed the aesthetic otherwise.

Magia Record draws heavily from plot elements first used in Madoka Magica, but it’s not what I would call uninspired. Anyone who’s seen Madoka Magica will notice the callbacks, but they’re fun, not cringeworthy.

It reminds me of how The Force Awakens brought people back in to the Star Wars universe by heavily echoing A New Hope, but Magia Record is much more creative in its echoing than Force Awakens was.

Everyone who likes the OG series should check this out.

There’s already much intrigue in the story. A magical girl whose wish was granted, but also apparently simultaneously erased from existence, rumors of a city where magical girls can be “saved,” and a Kyubey who is a separate entity from the others.

The show is an adaptation of a mobile rpg. This is from a cutscene.

Iroha Tamaki, the main character of Magia Record, and Homura Akemi.

Get excited.

Bofuri.

This show is like Asteroid in Love, in that it would be totally boring if it weren’t totally charming.

This is the type of show that takes a silly phenomenon in the real world and makes it the premise of the whole show. Maple is a girl who’s just gotten into video games. Because she’s a newb, she puts all of her points into defense at the expense of even basic stuff like speed and strength.

Thus ensues hilarity.

There’s not much to talk about here. Maple is endearing as a video game noob. The artwork is great. The writing is legitimately funny in a subdued way.

A+

Darwin’s Game.

I watched this show because the premise reminded me of King’s Game.

For those who don’t know, King’s Game is widely considered to be the worst anime ever made. It sucks.

King’s Game is about a death game administered over the phone and it the point is that everyone dies. It tries hard to do horror and it fails hard. I watch it every Halloween. :D

Darwin’s Game is about a mobile app game that pits players against each other in death matches. You win by killing all the other players.

With some shows it’s clear the writer can’t decide what they want to do. This show can’t decide if it wants to be trash or legit good.

Immediately you can tell this show is going to suck because the artwork is terrible. This is an ugly show to look at.

The show opens with a cold open clearly made to make the audience ask questions. It succeeds too well.

The opening depicts a random person being chased through the streets and then killed by an invisible furry.

Seriously.

By God, the fanservice in this show…

This doesn’t even fully capture the shamelessness of it. If you watch the episode, you’ll notice her dress has frills from the waist down.

Except for when we see her kneeling down, when her dress is suddenly a single piece of cloth. So we can better see her ass outlined through it.

Things temporarily get good when the main character has to fend off the furry from the opening. It really is thrilling, but everything goes back to crap when the mc has to fight the dress woman in the above picture.

He doesn’t kill her though. Oh, no, he doesn’t.

She becomes smitten by how strong he is and the episode ends with her asking him to bed her.

-barf-

#anime #winter 2020

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hearts-lover · 5 years

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More proof of Kairi isn’t useless.

Disclaimer: I already know that the topic of Kairi being the damsel of Distress has already died and the fan is focusing on the DLC and other things, but I feel a need to make this post because I have a mindblown after playing KH3 again and watching the other cutscene (most likely in the events Birth by sleep, Re:chain of memories, KH2 and in Dream Drop Distance) Which that being said, for those who are a Soriku/Anti-Kairi/Anti-Sokai who wish to message their opinion, please speak in a mature way, I know that I don’t have any control of what anyone says, but it considers it as a warning. I also like to say that I do not hate any of these characters, I love each and everyone in the Kingdom Hearts series, I feel like I need to say that considering people will assume otherwise. (this is Tumblr) This is also kinda a sequel to my first defensive post to Kairi, so if you like to see my post defending Kairi, Click-Here So before we talk about, I’m gonna mention who I will be used to prove that Kairi isn’t useless, I’m not gonna use Nomura, nor the Ultimania, instead I’m gonna use someone that in the series; Axel. Now before I explain why, we first need to Axel fighting experiences. In the event of Birth by sleep, when he was Lea and met Ventus and ask for his names After Ventus answers Lea say this:

We know for sure that Lea has “some” experiences when its come to fighting WAY before he becomes Axel if he was able to say that the Wooden Keyblade Terra gave to Ventus is kid toy, and he shows him off as if it a real weapons However, he was easily bested by Ventus, Gasping for Air while Ventus still standing there, ready for any counterattacks (I mean it's most likely since Ven train with Terra and Aqua, went to 4 other worlds including Raident Garden, fought many bosses included Vanitas and Maleficent, but he wasn’t able to beat them without help) moving on to Rechain of memories when Axel got used to his power, he has fought (with his Chakrams) was Sora and Marluxia The first time he fought Sora, he was going easy on him only to see if Sora is ready to take on Castle Oblivion, before the final boss, Axel went and fought Marluxia for betraying the Organization but then stop after Marluxia uses Namines as a shield and uses Sora to fight Axel as he stated that he’ll go through Namine to get to Marluxia and as you fight in like a boss, he’ll use Firewall and Firetooth (where he threw his weapon but not before putting them on fire) and its also seem that he can contorl his weapons whenever he like In Kingdom Hearts 2, he becomes more active; when you face him for the first time as Roxas, he can dash behind Roxas and attack him, basically going easy on him to see if he remembers his life in the Organization, the 2nd time you face him he first creates Firewall and slowly burn your health, as the battle begins he then uses more combo than he usually use, hide behind the flame only to strike if Roxas doesn’t react in time, he also has a supercombo where you can’t hit him at all, but have to dodge his attack and wait until he hittable again (idk if it happen when you first face him, but I'm just assuming so) After you played as sorry and found a lead where he can find Xemnas and Kairi, once he in the portal he was stopped by the Nobodies but was saved by Axel. After Sora and Axel fought several nobodies, Axel uses his power to sacrifice himself to open the past for sora in the events on DDD: when Axel was able to be Lea once again and save Queen Minnie, and it seems that he remembers everything he learned from the Organization 13, how he uses his weapons, how to fight with them and etc. He even still know how to use Fire magic

and finally, in the event of Kingdom Hearts 3, when the seven light faced Terranort and witness him took down Ventus and Stun Sora (for a short while) Terranort went after Kairi, but Axel steps in to protect her But Fails

So even after Axel was able to be experienced ever since he was a Teen (and practiced to wield the Keyblade with Kairi) He was still able to be sent flying, where the only thing that he was pushed into his limited was in Rechain of memories Sora (when Sora was still 15-year-old mind you), KH2 Roxas and when he killed himself So if Axel has no chance of blocking Terranort Swing, what chance do Kairi have if the only thing that she faces was in KH2 when she has to face a few shadows with Riku ________________________________________________________________ Another point is when Xemnas Grab Kairi

now I already made a point where why Kairi wasn’t able to use her keyblade due to my first post about Kairi but what seems more interesting that when I was watching KH2 and Axel found Kairi in Twilight Town, This happened

Now if any of you remember these scenes, then you must’ve remembered that Kairi told Axel to let go of her and was struggling to pull free from him and I also assume that people are going to say is that the way Axel grabs her is different than the one Xemnas grab her, and that is exactly my point Kairi couldn’t able to use her Keyblade because Xemnas is hurting her while Axel only intended to take Kairi to lure Sora to her, So that Axel can have Roxas back. And I know that everyone is going to say “but why Kairi doesn’t use her other hands?” Remember, In KH3 when Terranort encounter Lingering Will, his keyblade was caught and was flying around, but he let go

As he where charging to Will and got blasted, he then retrieved his keyblade

BUT HE RETURNS IT AT THE SAME HANDS and this isn’t the first time that it happens Xemnas who is the nobodies of Xehanort has two dual lasers for each hand, however, he always uses the hands that Xehanort uses when he holds a keyblade.

And hell, if you think about it, Everyone uses the Arm to hold their weapon similar to both Xemnas and Xehanort

________________________________________________________________ One more thing before I head to sleep: After Sora went to Yen-sid to get suit up, we get a cutscene of Kairi writing a letter for Sora, when she mentions Lea, that interested me

After Axel gave Kairi Seasalt Icecream, Kairi said this

That when it hit me, we all should know who said the same thing as Kairi

XION In the events of Days 358/2; Axel was assigned by Saix that it's his mission to return Xion, after realizing that She is nothing but a puppet, He didn’t like she was treated like one and the fact that Xion just accepted it, so of course he was mad at Xion, giving up life like that, think that disappearing is the right thing to do. After that scene, Axel carried knocked-out Xion to their homebase not until he passed out

And since we don’t know if Axel know that Roxas fought and killed Xion, all we can know is that he blames himself since in order to knock her out is to fight her, and the last time I check fighting your best friend can be emotional Not only that, but we all remember Axel kidnapped Kairi to lure sora in to save Roxas, only for her to be taken Saix thus the organization that would explain why he apologize to sora for taking Kairi

and how he quickly told Sora who took Kairi

It's obviously shown that he felt bad for stalking Kairi like that and using her to lure Sora Thus the reason why he told Sora to run to go and save her instead of protecting him. Why did I explain all that? Simple, Look what Kairi said before she told Axel not to hold back.

and since Kairi say that “don’t hold back” line similar to Xion as if Axel and Kairi will spar with each other only and Axel for a second was able to see Xion If you haven’t caught on, I’m applying that Axel was the reason why Kairi was so weak. Compare to Sora and Riku spar, he never catch you a break, Riku’ll use everything that he knows in order to beat Sora whenever if it a race or a swordfight However, Sora and Riku supposedly sparring to each other since they were a kid, and since they are a friend during that time, its seem they think it's fine if they get a little hurt from sparring since pain helps you improve. and since Axel still feels bad about the thing he does to Kairi and Sora, and knocking out Xion, He holds back. He hurt Xion when he didn’t hold back, and he simply didn’t hold back when he keeps kidnapping Kairi and looking from Axel point of view, I would also hold back. but because of him doing that, Kairi won’t get stronger, Axel went all easy mode on Kairi because of the memories he had with Kairi and Xion and if he HAS been going easy on her, that’ll mean he making her win. and the more she wins beside learning from her mistake, the more overconfident Kairi will get, I mean those confident Kairi had was able to make her give a Papou fruit to sora and said all of this:

(unironically to the one she loved) and if I was able to face the same person who stalked me, overall made me hated him and won many time (even if it just a spar) I also will be onverconfident, but that overconfident feeling she had will be her downfall. but because of Axel not pushing her limits (and merlin most likely tought Kairi and Axel how to use magic, similar how he trained Sora Magic in KH1) and making her win, she’ll be thinking that she is strong enough to protect sora. So for all of KH fan that are disappointed of Kairi characrter, not only we should blame nomura for writing her bad, but we should also blame Axel for not making her a strong independent warrior that we all hoped she is. but of course, that just my headcanon/opinion

#kingdom hearts 3 #kingdom hearts rant #Kairi #axel #kh3 rant #KH3 #xion

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mynameismarines · 7 years

Text

I read Handbook for Mortals

I had the truly, unironically #blessed opportunity to see the original Twitter investigation of Handbook for Mortals when it first appeared on the NYT Bestseller list. For a moment, Book Twitter came together, like the repressed Veronica Marses they are, and detected the shit out of the book no one had heard of that pushed (the amazing, worth the hype) The Hate U Give from its number one spot.

Since then, the case has only gotten stranger, partly because the author, Lani Sarem, seems to be completely unapologetic about what she’s done.

I have to admit that I was curious about the book from moment one. Snarking bad books is kind of a thing for me. Thus started the war within between ignoring her and hoping it would all go away and dragging the book because it had to be shit, right?

Right, well, here we are.

The first page starts with ms whoever saying she's NEVER had a "normal" day before. NEVER. Maybe brief normal moments. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines) September 16, 2017

I imagine those brief normal moments in her day are bathroom breaks? #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/vETrTwRWPI

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

oh, honey, have I got some news for you#snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/9GiHeG93ER

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

I'll never forget this one particular, super important day-- BUT FIRST, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE COLORS I DYE MY HAIR LOL. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Bitch, we've all had windy days. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Levi's jeans "ripped in all the right places": a guide by me#snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/oweamXam2N

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Yes, she's really taking time to describe her outfit, and it includes jeans "ripped in all the right places." #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

She RARELY thinks about how she wants a photographer around to capture how awesome she looks. RARELY. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/oMWb4IJqfz

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

"Even when she was in a hurry, she never looked like she was rushing or running, but instead floating gingerly." #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/Wfyh5aiXYL

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Anyone have guesses about how she'll describe herself? Does she know she's beautiful? Is that what makes her beautiful? #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

People say she's beautiful but... but... she doesn't have a thigh-gap! #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

The dialogue is awful. They keep glaring at each other. Her mom keeps asking questions that aren't really questions. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

"I edged myself closer and directed my words so closely she could feel my breath on her face." Awful. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/EoXCCJYVfU

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Also, Zade and her mother have both ground their teeth during this argument? What is happening? #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/wXmMzKXmNr

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Please, for a good time, try replicating this at home. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/sStONUjBqI

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

SHE PUTS THE LYRICS IN THE BOOK. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

I HAVE COME ALL THIS WAY FOR YOU, TACKY CARPET. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

You guys just have to read this for yourselves. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/hbPzbQvXwG

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

If I hadn't been so nervous, I would've paid more attention to him! Here's 5 more lines of me paying attention to him lol. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

"I ONCE READ AN ARTICLE THAT SAID YOU CAN TELL SOMEONE'S PERSONALITY BY HOW THEY WALK AND CARRY THEMSELVES." #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

You: He was confident. Zade, an intellectual: I once read an article about walking and now I notice that kind of thing. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

The magician's name is Charles Spellman. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

She mentions describing him as someone might describe Ford and then goes on and on about black clothes and cufflinks. WHAT. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Says the girl that randomly wishes a photographer were around to capture her beauty in the wind. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/yqUaCBWW0f

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Wow the beautiful woman is being bitchy what a plot twist, who saw this coming. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/4tA20P15ae

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Hey little buddy comma. Whatcha doing there? #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/Kmwl7ZRMJk

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

NOT SWOLLEN AFTER A BEE STING LOOKING, GOT IT. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

This happened a lot in Grey by EL James and we just assumed all the italics were thoughts from Grey's dick. 💁🏽#snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

CASUALLY, 11 pages into chapter 1, still no nearer to her actual audition. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/MBmvupuS6q

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

All of these professional magic show people are trying to figure out how she did her trick and she's like RUH-ROH!. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Not eavesdropping. Everyone is just standing around her, talking about her so she can hear. Because first person is hard. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

"Calm, collected, sweet, kind, and confident cascaded out of his being." *flips ahead to see if any editor is thanked* #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

"Even so, Riley's energy was youthful and energetic." HIS ENERGY WAS ENERGETIC YOU GUYS I CANNOT. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 16, 2017

Dear sweet mercy, I made it out of chapter one. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 17, 2017

Zade has already met and spoken with Beth, hence why she's waiting for her. That's not how first impressions work, girl. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/RA2wbuMu1z

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Ever hear that if you have to explain the joke, it's not funny? #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/WW5DX3WtnZ

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

I knew that sharing that quote with you all you would take as a joke. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

"I stood up slowly and calculated." #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/cJpAQblUPF

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

She's still 3 inches shorter? She still... has to look up...? #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/Je3sgNpOgC

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Sucks to be you average bitches. Zade is TALL which means she can look the menses in the eye. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

"I half smiled and slowly spoke..." DID ANYONE READ THIS BEFORE IT WAS PUBLISHED? #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

You know an argument is getting heated when a bad author whips out all the animal noises. Growling snarling hissing! Oh my!

#snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Zade describes Charles as someone who doesn't have compromise in his vocabulary. DID ANYONE READ THIS??? #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

He demands to know how she does her magic trick hiss growl snarl. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Charles, the magician Harrison Ford, steps in and says that Zade will tell only him her magical secrets. The end. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

It's like listening to my 5 year old niece tell a story, honestly. Check the repetition and errors. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/st37NDgjNG

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

This is CHAPTER 2. We sill don't know WTF is going on, but we do know about her HALLOWEEN COSTUME PREFERENCES. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/Dy38mjzHPH

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

If you are playing Terrible MC Bingo at home, Zade is currently ignoring everything another female character is saying! #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

You guys. There's just been an abrupt change in perspective, indicated by this large and in charge symbol? #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/K3RomEos4D

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Look at her describe how Mac makes a fist to knock on the door. SHE DESCRIBES HIS FIST-MAKING ACTION. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Remember when Zade was all, "I guess I'm okay looking but I'm not skinny wah." Clarification: her waist is SMALL. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

This character is going to be played by the author in a movie. She's an author stand in. I'M UNCOMFORTABLE. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Awww yeah, time for another round of Please I Beg You Try This At Home:#snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/4M1nFzX2Pp

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Mac spies on her while she's naked but he's not happy about it, okay? She's the ENEMY. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Zade literally runs into another hot guy named Jackson so I guess we have a love triangle now? #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

It's really more than just bad writing. She's so repetitive that I have to assume than she thinks we are all stupid. #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/7BaH1xqyCh

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

I have no proof, but that's what I think 'cause I've learned enough in the past to kinda prove it.#snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Round 3 of please try this at home, scrunching twitching edition: #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/pIuw6wPCqP

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

"Each step was precise." All this time, I've been walking imprecisely. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

"I have long legs, but his are longer..." YEAH, WE REMEMBER ZADE. YOU ARE ALMOST AS TALL AS THE MENS. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Mac is back. Quiz time! What is Mac doing? a. singing beautifully b. whispering c. speaking normally d. snarling#snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Zade says two people are arguing and she doesn't stop to listen. Then goes on to tell us everything they are saying. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

That was her explaining why she was comforting someone who just drowned, by the way. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

SHE'S PLAYING A SONG THAT PERFECTLY MATCHES MAC AND THE LYRICS ARE PRINTED AGAIN. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

tiny tiny tiny tiniest#snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/DynWHBxjYZ

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

quoted at the beginning + now in chapter 4. #homage #inspo #deep #snarkformortals pic.twitter.com/pBNpnLbVD9

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING THAT'S HAPPENED. #snarkformortals https://t.co/Lj3gd070rn

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

Her name is Scheherazade and she goes by Zade with a long a? I'm offended on so many levels. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

MAC'S REAL NAME IS CLARK KENT. You guys should see me DYING over here. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 18, 2017

She defines premonition and says how fuzzy it is like 17 times but I'll spare you. It's a vision and again-- it's fuzzy. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 19, 2017

Up on a platform, Sofia the beautiful bitch is refusing to wear her safety harness because of ~*reasons*~ #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 19, 2017

She pushes her with enough force that she misses the stage below and lands in the pool next to the stage? #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 19, 2017

Then everyone else stands around talking about the malfunction while Zade performs CPR on Sofia? No one is fussed. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 19, 2017

By the way, Zade used to spend her summers working as a lifeguard. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 19, 2017

Mac finds her outside and suddenly, they like each other and bond over Aimee Mann and motorcycles. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 19, 2017

What a gal. #snarkformortals

— Marines (@mynameismarines)

September 19, 2017

For the full thread, check out #snarkformortals on Twitter.

#handbook for mortals #lani sarem #snark for mortals #snarkformortals #mynameismarines #snark #twitter

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jkl-fff · 7 years

Text

Ha! Well, thank you for acknowledging my basic human agency—my freedom—to answer or not answer as I see fit. Heh … Seriously, though, it’s no problem; please continue to send in any and all the questions you like. The attention and interest are, frankly, flattering. And the distraction is more than welcome—it’s fun!—so no worries.

First Time as a Teacher, How Did I Feel? This one is sorta tough, because I’ve kinda always been a teacher in one capacity or another ever since I was … gosh, 14? 15? That was when I started working as a camp counselor during the summer for the Boy Scouts (did so until I was 19). While I was there … Ho boy, I taught a ton of different merit badges—basket weaving, astronomy, emergency preparedness, first aid, wilderness survival, orienteering, small boat sailing, rock-climbing …

After that, I was on a religious mission for two years (because I was raised mormon and that’s just what mormons do) in France. Pretty much spent *all* of that time teaching people about the religion, or teaching other missionaries how to be more effective at teaching people about the religion (by Cthulhu’s carpals, I was so young and naif and desperately closeted back then … feels like it was four life-times ago …), and teaching a weekly free English class as a service to people. Though, naturally, the end goal of that was finding more people to teach about the religion, so … When that ended, I was asked to keep teaching in my home congregation, and did so until I was about … 23, and just sorta collapsed inside. Couldn’t keep pretending I wasn’t attracted to other men, couldn’t keep pretending the god I had believed in was helping me be happy, couldn’t keep pretending the whole thing wasn’t thrice-damned absurd … So I stopped.

Spent another year living in France after that, this time in the employ of their Ministry of Education as an English teaching assistant in a French high school. Then two years teaching French for one university while I got a Masters’ Degree (standard trade off: graduate students teach lower-level courses, usually getting their tuition waived, health benefits, and a modest stipend), an intense month teaching an accelerated French course for the National Guard, and finally (after a brief hiatus working for FedEx) here I am in my second year of teaching French for a different university.

To say nothing of all the Taekwon-Do teaching I’ve been regularly entrusted with since I was, like, 16 …

Like I said, it’s tough to answer this one. So constant, so regular, and for so long … I just don’t really remember how the first times at each respective task felt anymore. But I do know that it *now* feels exhilarating and energizing every time my class starts one of its French lessons. Those are kinda the times that I feel most alive during the week …

First Time Writing a ParaPines Fic, What Made Me Write It? “Adorable Like a Werekitten” (shameless plug time, read it and all my fics here: https://jkl-fff.deviantart.com/) was both my first ParaPines fic and also my first foray into fanfic altogether. According to the posting timestamp … jeez, that was on October 2nd, 2012—a little over 5 years ago … And as to what made me write it, well … ParaPines came into my life during what was a rather tumultuous time, emotionally speaking.

Back then, it was like I was adrift at sea (maybe I still am … but at least the sea is more-or-less calm now, whereas back then it felt like a maelstrom within a hurricane, and I would foundering). Happiness and companionship and love—even just as meaningful friendship outside of my family—were all things I had pretty much abandoned forever all hope of finding (gods above, I sound like an emo album from 2006!) when two things happened: I discovered some … er, ahem, um … erotic fanart of Dipper Pines (which led to discovering more fanart in general, which led to discovering Gravity Falls and ParaPines and ParaNorman, all of which I found to be some of the most fantastic and adorable things to ever exist), and I fell in love with a guy in real life.

Actually, the falling in love part might have been what made everything so tumultuous emotionally … Certainly, I was not happy before him, but I was content in my unhappiness. It was a stable, dependably gray life I led before him. And then, suddenly, in my life … him. Just as suddenly, I started questioning somethings … then everythings … then ALL OF THE THINGS! Why should I linger in misery? Why cling to celibacy? What purpose was there in remaining faithful to vows I had made for a god I no longer believed in? What exactly was wrong with being gay? Why was I so convinced being gay was wrong? Why did I loathe myself so? If I had committed no fault, why shouldn’t I deserve to be as happy as anyone who was straight? Why not *all* the gay people? Why not everyone everywhere? Why not me right here and right now? Why not me … and him, with him, for him and to him and through him and by him forever and ever? Of course, it was a slow process, what with being internal and psychological. Seldom so explicit and obvious as my gloss above suggests. No, it took months and years for most of these questions to work through themselves, and honestly some of that working is still taking place even now. I hope it never stops.

But I digress. All of this gradual falling in love with him and becoming friends with him and spending time with him and pining over him and despairing because of him—all of this, and more, which had me adrift in that maelstrom in that hurricane—was taking place during and after my discoveries, as I said above, of Gravity Falls and ParaNorman and the joyous amalgam of both that is ParaPines. I was in dire straits and desperate need of something—of anything at all—that could anchor me a little, and this fit the bill. Y’see, both shows are great (great writing, great characterization, great plot development, great messages), so I could enjoy them each unironically without a sense of embarrassment. And … and and and … the ParaPines fanart was all so … so pure, so innocent, so bright and free and easy. The boys always looked so cute and happy together, y’know? As if being gay with another boy was as simple as that. No big identity struggle, no big community turmoil, no angst, no pain, no fear. Just … two gay boys being cute and happy together, with everything being as simple as that for them … Basically, everything I was craving, everything I was fantasizing about, everything I wanted for myself and him … Everything I wanted “being gay” to mean …

So I latched onto this fandom like a life preserver (it may actually have been something that preserved my life), and soon found that I just needed to contribute to it. I *needed* to write, y’know? Needed to put all of the thoughts and feeling swirling and sloshing and storming around in my head down onto paper. So I started writing for the fandom, using that writing as a means to work through some of my insecurities and anxieties about being gay, about being in love with someone who I always dreaded would leave my feelings unrequited … Heh. Poor little Norman. Though they’re all foils for parts of me, he got the brunt of all my angst, falling head-over-heels for DipDopDoblivious.

All of which to explain why I’m so invested in these two, even today, and probably will be for the rest of my life. Simultaneously, they’re now imbued with parts of my very psyche and identity, and have basically kept me from ripping myself to pieces.

Oh, and more specifically for ALaW, I saw some freakin’ adorable art by @skeletonizer featuring werecat Dipper, and sorta had to write something in which Dipper became a werecat. Like, it was too cute to be resisted. Heh. I remember being shocked at myself as I wrote it (“Really? You’re writing a story about a crossover of two characters from completely different franchises? You sunk this low?”), and trying to justify it to myself as a literary exercise (“I’m seeing if I can write in a completely different tone and style than I normally do! That’s all that’s going on here, I swear!”) so I wouldn’t feel like such a nerd/dork/geek. Ha! Although it turned out to be a slippery slope, that ParaPines fanfic, since now I’m sliding down it all “WHEEEEEEEEEE!” with no hope of every getting back up and out of it. And embrace the persona of being a nerd/dork/gook wholeheartedly (life is too short not to let yourself love what you love because of what anyone else—including yourself—might think).

Best “mistake” I ever made, deciding to write that fanfic!

(WARNING: A LITTLE NSFW AFTER THIS)

First Kiss and First Sex *sigh* These can both be conjoined, as they happened at the same event. The memories aren’t exactly pleasant for me (or rather, memories connected with him aren’t exactly pleasant for me now … they’ve all become rather melancholy), so I’m not going to dwell on or develop the answers overmuch. It was at a New Year’s Party, one that was jampacked with people and flooded with alcohol that people had brought with them to contribute to the festivities.

Now, I loved (love?) him, but I’ve never been under any illusions: he’s self-destructive, he’s damaged inside (more so than average people), and he’s an alcoholic as a result. That night, he imbibed freely and flitted about like a boisterous social butterfly. And I, true to my demeanor, drank only water or orange juice mixed with fresca. For the most part, I stuck to corners or quieter spaces or would linger out on the deck and watch the city in the distance (perhaps I would’ve spent the whole night out there, save that it was December-becoming-January and bitterly cold). Y’see, I’ve never much cared for parties; loud music, jumbled conversations in a raucous din, tight spaces filled with people, strangers everywhere I went … I’ve never cared for any of these. They overwhelm me and tire out my brain. But I would periodically go in search of him and check that everything was still okay, then force myself to try and socialize a little before seeking out a quieter spot again. As midnight approached, he came in search of me. He said he wanted me to be his New Year’s first kiss, and … and I had been pining for him for months at that point, dreaming of it—of my first kiss—being him, being the first person I had ever been *in love* with, saving my first kiss for him … Such a silly, romantic fool I was … so of course I acquiesced at once. Perhaps I shouldn’t have, but … Gods above, he was clumsy and uncoordinated from being drunk and there was that sickly-sweet aftertaste of booze on his lips. Yet it was the best kiss of my life—a kiss that sorta ruined kissing for me, because no other kiss has ever made me feel like that one did …

Next thing I knew, he had led me down into the basement, which was a roiling cauldron of fog (from a machine) and colored dance lights and silhouettes of other guys moving slowly to the music. The room wasn’t big and there were plenty of other guys in it, yet it felt strangely private. The fog made it impossible to recognize anyone unless you were standing right next to him, plus there seemed to be an unspoken understanding on the part of all present (all except me, who felt lost and at a loss in an alien world, since I wasn’t completely out yet and all of this was new and confusing to me) that this space was one free from the gaze and the judgment of others. Every man was anonymous down there, in a way, even to those he knew. Even to himself, perhaps. Maybe that was why he had brought me down there. Like a spatial manifestation of drunkenness, that room was a haze of socially accepted deniability to those went in. Anything that happened down there was considered to stay down there and dissolve from memory and the real world when the fog did. Inhibitions didn’t have to exist, and neither did consequences or responsibilities. [Which is all utter bullshit, by the way. You are you; you are what you do and what you say, and neither alcohol nor anonymity absolve you of responsibility for what you do and what you say, for who you are. People like to tell themselves the fairytale that these things can change you, or that it’s not really you when under their influence … but, like all fairytales, that’s bullshit people tell themselves to feel better so they can try and skip out on owning up to their own mistakes. Gods, I *hate* alcohol sometimes.] Anyway, he made out with me for a while against one of the walls. I should’ve said “no”, I should’ve told him that he was drunk and this wasn’t what he really wanted, but … When I made some feeble attempts at protest, he just said, “Shhh …” and kept going. And I was too weak to insist after that, too desperate for something more than just hanging out with him to refuse … Some other guys joined us for a bit, and he initiated a circle jerk with them. But I was only interested in him, and I guess the others picked up on that because they soon left me and him as alone as one could be in that room. He stroked me for a while, then sucked me for a while, but wouldn’t let me return the favor for long because he was “too drunk to get it up” …

The next day and every day after that, we pretended that nothing had happened—never spoke of it—though when I hinted at it … it was clear that he did remember. Crystal clear. But he wanted it to be something that dissolved with the haze of the room and the alcohol, something that wasn’t and wouldn’t then or ever be remembered, something that would never exist in the real world.

Sadly, that wouldn’t be the last time I got my heart broken by him. People think I’m smart, but I sure do make some dumb mistakes sometimes … and I make them over and over again …

Thanks again for the asks! Hopefully that downer ending on that last one won’t deter anyone from sending in more asks, though. Don’t be shy, people! Send in anything and everything you want to know! I’d be more than happy to answer them (and especially now that I just finished making myself depressed), and find them quite the fun distraction!

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