#wait to be fair that was also me at 21. shit.

[just-ghaleon]

Ghaleon, scream-whispering and turning several worrying shades of red: DO THOSE LOOK LIKE TEENAGERS TO YOU????

Xenobia, nonplussed: I am 200 to 400 years old, everyone looks like a "teened ager" to me.

Ghaleon, ignoring her, struggling to unlock dungeon cell quickly: I am so sorry, oh god. Shit. I am so, so fucking sorry for-for the inconvenience. Oh. My god.

FANTASY ABBA, exit cell: It's cool.

Xenobia, rambling: What even is a teenager?? We don't have those in the wastes. "14ish to 19ish"??? That's a baby, that is an infant child.

Ghaleon, literally dying: Is there anything I can do to make it up to you two? Drinks? Are you hungry?? Can I give you a ride home???

FANTASY ABBA: No, we're cool.

Xenobia, lecturing: Did you mean "young adult"? Because the Vile Tribe equivalent would be 70 to 125 years, approximately. You have got to stop using all these human terms or this alliance is going to fall to pieces, Ghaleon.

FANTASY ABBA: So, like, we're cool to go?

Ghaleon, last shred of dignity dying dying dying: YEP. (cough) Uh, yes! Absolutely! Y-you're cool--t to go!!

(Exit: FANTASY ABBA)

(Dejected, distraught, uncool slump: Ghaleon)

(Exit attempt: Luna)

Ghaleon: NOT YOU. >:(

Luna: >:(

Xenobia: The vibe, as we say in the wastes, is in shambles.

~it's over!~

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

My baby, my baby…

Summary: Leon is a man pushing 40 and you’re a girl in her early 20s. You confessed your feelings but things went south.

Warning: age gap. literally any older version of Leon. reader is young. female reader. haha guess what? it’s sad again.

a/n: I love mitski <3 still mad I didn’t go to her concert. Guys I love writing, I feel like I’m god waiting for shit to happen. TEEHEE.🤭 also, should I make a part two with smut?

(pt.1) (pt.2)

“You're my baby, say it to me” - Mitski, I Bet On Losing Dogs

You hated him. Well not really. You just hated the way he made you feel when you two were in the same room. Your heart beat faster and you felt your face grow hot. You had butterflies in your stomach every time he did something. And you felt stupid because he’s a man twice your age.

You did what you always think is best, avoid him. To which you failed miserably. You both worked on the same team on the DSO, of course you were bound to be next to him. It was as if the universe was mocking you. You couldn’t help but feel guilty. This man, poor innocent man, probably doesn’t know that he has someone so much younger after him. He must be worried about missions and not dying, while you were here crushing over him.

It didn’t help the way he would talk to you, distant but polite. He didn’t hate you, he just thought you were too young to experience such a miserable life the DSO puts on its agents. He wants you to live life. To be a normal girl in her early 20s. He wanted you to have the life he wished he had. He wished you would live your 21st year way differently than when he was 21.

But those thoughts remained unspoken. Neither of you actually spoke about anything besides work and missions. You tried to find excuses to talk to him but he would just stare at you in silence as you talked. He wasn’t mad, he just stood there. (Like this lol🧍‍♂️)

Professional and polite conversations turned into jokes. One time, during a meeting, you were sitting next to Leon and the poor man looked like he didn’t get an ounce of sleep. Chris was talking about some mission in Antarctica and Leon couldn’t help but grumble a stupid joke about all the penguin shit roaming around. It was such a stupid joke but you laughed. When Leon heard you laugh, he turned his head your direction and stared at you with a raised brow. He smirked to himself and laughed a little bit. It was funny to both of you.

From that moment, he became more warm towards you. When he saw you, he would nod at him. And you being you, a delusional lover, gushed about how much he is in love with you.

You managed to break the ice exterior he had because he would look at you with soft eyes every time you got near him.

-

But things changed when you confessed your feelings to him. The softness in his eyes disappeared and he looked at you with the same distant look he had. “I’m too old for you, y/n…” He spoke with a quiet but firm tone. The two of you were currently alone in some room inside the DSO building. You thought this was the perfect time to let your feelings out.

He took a step towards you and stood in front of you, “You should focus on someone your age, sweetheart,” He mumbled as he brought his hand to your face and brushed some strands of hair behind your ear. He then ran his hand down your cheek with a gentle touch. You couldn’t help but lean into it. His thumb gently grazes against your bottom lip as he ran his fingers around your side of your face.

You were upset, you wanted him despite the age gap. “Please… I only want you,” you whispered and leaned into the palm of his hand.

Leon stared at you and then sighed as he brought his hand down your chin to lift it up more. He wanted to see those beautiful eyes of yours, even if they began to show how sad you were. “It’s wrong for me to have you,” he whispered gently as he examines your face.

You felt your eyes become full of emotion, “It’s not fair…” your voice came out strained and barely audible, it was a miracle Leon still understood you.

"I know." Leon sighed, unable to keep himself from looking you with a soft look. You were his soft spot after all, "Trust me; nothing would please me more than to be with you..."

“Then let me have this one chance…please?” You begged with pleading eyes. "I shouldn't," he breathed, eyes traveling down to your lips before returning to scan your face, "It wouldn't be right for me to take advantage of you..."

“I want you to take advantage of me, to use me… I just want to be yours,” you whispered as your eyes shifted down to his lips and then back to his eyes.

"You're sure about this?" His breathing quickened as his eyelids drew heavy, his gaze locked onto the soft curve of your lips. You nodded, “I wouldn’t be asking you if I wasn’t sure,” you whispered as your hand intertwined with his.

He squeezed your hand, and with a slight shrug of his shoulders, he leaned down until your faces were just mere inches apart.

He breathed slowly, eyes scanning your gaze, "Promise me one thing..."

You stared at his eyes and nodded, “yeah?”

"Promise me..." He breathed out slowly, allowing himself to lean in closer to you until his breathing was near whisper. "...That you will not regret this.”

“I won’t,” you whispered as you closed your eyes and felt Leon's lips finally make contact with yours, kissing for the very first time. It was a gentle, tender caress that made your cheeks flush with color, his broad hands gently resting on your hips while the tips of his fingers grazed the skin of your waist. You brought your hands to his broad shoulders and rested them there. You felt your knees grow weak from the gentleness of the kiss. His lips felt so soft against yours, he tasted the flavor of your chapstick and he couldn’t help but love it even more.

He sighed against your lips as the gentleness of the kiss began to build into something more passionate. His lips pressed against yours firmly, a hand cupping your chin to keep your face closer. His lips parted slowly, urging your lips to part as well. When you felt his lips part and his tongue press on your bottom lip, you gasped and he dived his tongue right into your mouth. His tongue finally danced against your tongue, inviting a response back from you. Your grip on his shoulders increased ever so slightly as you moaned in the kiss, sending the vibrations to his tongue as both your tongues danced passionately.

He moaned softly in response, his hands sliding around to your back once more holding you as close to him as he could. His tongue continued to swirl around your mouth, gently sucking at your bottom lip. His hold on you was strong and firm, a silent command to stay pressed against him. His hold on you only grew stronger as he kept you pressed up against his body. A hand ran through your hair, keeping your head held in place. His tongue and lips continued the dance of teasing and pleasing, your own lips responding in kind. The passion built within his embrace, his breath growing labored and his heart beating rapidly against his chest. It felt so surreal.

You moved your hands down to his chest and gently pulled back to catch your breath. You panted as you tried to breathe and remain focused. Your brain felt mushy from how good the kiss was. You finally got the chance to taste his lips.

His lips parted from yours, and he breathed out slowly, his breathing rapid and throat parched. His hand slid to your lower back as he kept you pressed close to him. He brushed a few stray strands of hair from your face, then gently tucked it back behind your ear. "Are you ok?" He whispered, voice still strained, but his body relaxing slightly.

You nodded and breathed out a small “yes,”

Leon let his grip on you loosen slightly, allowing a small distance to form between the two of you. He brushed the side of your face, and his hand moved to grasp yours.

"Good," He whispered slowly, his gaze falling to your lips, "So very good..." he sighed and let his hand slid back down your back before letting go, "Forgive me if I got a little carried away..." He took in a deep breath, his voice now returning to a normal tone, "I've wanted to do that for a very long time..."

You eyes nestled bulged out of their sockets after he said that, “You did?” You asked softly in disbelief.

He nodded slowly, his gaze flicking between yours, “Yes. Ever since the moment we first met, I was attracted to you, even though I knew it was wrong. I wanted you, wanted to hold you close, kiss you, and make you mine…” his eyes growing distant, "I've wanted you..." He took a deep breath, then gently caressed your chin with a hand, his lips gently grazing your forehead.

You closed your eyes and felt the softness of his lips plant a kiss on your forehead. A gesture so gentle and soft it could bring anyone to their knees.

He breathed out slowly, closing his eyes for a second before opening them to peek at you through his lids. He raised a brow and sighed, adjusting the hold on your chin to gently tip your head up.

"But as I said, I'm too old for you," he brushed his fingers across your jawline, "And I fear that our relationship would be met with judgment and ridicule..." he looked at you with saddened eyes. He wished he could kiss you anytime, to be with you in public and not have to worry about the judgment. In his eyes, you were the most beautiful woman to ever step foot on earth. It was sad, really. How much love he had for you but he hid it for your sake. He loves you so much he didn’t want you to get hurt.

You furrowed your brows together and looked at him with those sad eyes of yours. But his heart ached the most with the strain of your voice, “I don’t care what anyone says…”

"But you should," he replied softly, "You're still young... You should find someone closer to your age,” he caressed your cheek once again as he looked into your eyes "What about your family?" He sighed, "What if your parents disagree with us? They'd say that I'm taking advantage of you and manipulating you because you're young..."

“Leon, please, I’m an adult. I can make my own choices…” you whispered with a sad tone, “I don’t care if you’re 20 years older than me. I want you… dare I say I love you…”

Leon fell silent as your words sank into him. He froze in place, for a few moments, he was speechless, his facial expressions shifting through multiple emotions.

"Love me?" He whispered, leaning down towards you, "Y/n… you don’t love me. You love the idea of me you have in your head.” He whispered softly as he caressed your cheek once again. His voice so soft and tender and full of sadness.

Your throat was caught up into a knot. Did you screw things over already? Or were they already screwed up before this began?

You bit your bottom lip to contain the threatening tears that were about to spill. He saw this and gently brought his thumb over to the corner of your eyes and wiped them for you.

“I love you…” you nodded and felt your eyes get glossy, “I love you, Leon…” you whispered, “This feeling I have… it’s controlling me. I can’t breathe when I’m not with you. I need you…”

“Don’t cry, angel,” he whispered as he kissed your forehead again and gave you a sad smile. “How do you know this is not just infatuation?”

You stared into his blue eyes deeply, “Because I’ve never felt this way towards anyone before..”

His eyes were locked onto yours, a million thoughts running through his head. As much as he wanted to be with you, this was never meant to happen. You’re way too young. You needed someone else, someone better than him. He sighed and looked out the window. What was once a sunny day became a rainy one. He looked back down at you.

"Go home, y/n…" he whispered.

He let go of your face and took a step back. You watched him go with sad eyes, you wanted to chase after him so badly but you felt frozen in place. It was bittersweet. You got the kiss you wanted but at the cost of him leaving you.

You sniffled and cried silently as you walked out of the building and to the bus stop. You put on your headphones and began to listen to some music while you watched the raindrops race down the window.

Leon watched you from the second floor window. He felt a pang of guilt in his heart. He knew you’d cry but he couldn’t let you get too attached to someone like him. He was broken, never meant to be fixed again. While you were everything. In another universe, maybe the two of you could’ve been together.

[gunkbaby]

Thinking about Shuu BPD headcanon again. He’s 21 in TG, and given his loneliness I think it’s fair to assume Kaneki was his first favourite person. Like I acted very similar to Shuu when I had my first favourite person - including when the ‘relationship’ (i wouldn’t call what i went through a relationship personally. It was an internet mutual lol) ended, it went on to affect me for several years, to today, mentally and physically.

I get sad when I think about it, because I don’t like thinking about Shuu going through or feeling what I have - that horrible moment where you look back on your experience with someone, and you can only feel guilt, because you can see now that all you acted so inappropriately. Being overly clingy - dependent - on someone you barely know - because Shuu doesn’t know Kaneki in TG. Not deeply. He’s still in the moment of only wanting to eat him, everything he learns is compartmentalised as knowledge to use as manipulation and such. So his breakdown when Kaneki is taken away from him is a shock to his system - because this is the point where maybe one realises that this is not just about wanting him to eat anymore. It’s indicative of Shuu feeling something more for someone, which he’s probably never had before, and one can imagine how it might feel to realise - oh. I really fucked this person I adore up, because I didn’t understand myself well enough. And that shit hurts man.

Whilst a neurotypical person might be able to look at this realisation and handle it better, for someone with BPD/neurodivergence, this can affect one’s mental and physical health for years afterwards. A known symptom of BPD is not being able to recover ‘typically’ from breakups (meeeeeeeeeeeeee), often leading to self-harm, depression, and such, as well as taking a much longer time to actually recover from the breakup (generally. Ofc not everyone has it like this).

This also explains why in :RE, Shuu is seemingly just as obsessed with Kaneki - because he can’t fucking let go of it. He goes out of his way to ‘get Kaneki back’ for his own benefit, and I wonder if maybe, Shuu wants that Kaneki back so he can right his past wrongs. His newer awareness of his past actions weighs on him, and he wants to show that version of Kaneki that he has changed, that he’s not like That anymore - but he is, in a way. He’s still ill, and this is never brought up. Shuu gets better throughout :re, but we never see how, and either man’s on Elvanse or something, or he’s actively making an effort to restrain the ‘BPD side’ of him. I compare having BPD to having a dog on a muzzle - controlling it is horrible and it’s difficult, but if you don’t, the muzzle comes off and your dog is going to maul someone. Having BPD can be really terrifying sometimes - note: people with BPD are not monsters and if I see one more person say Shuu’s feelings are ‘creepy’ istg—

In early :re, Shuu’s actions can be viewed an overcompensating - trying to fix the damage he feels he might’ve done to Kaneki. He wants Kaneki back for himself, but not to eat him, to show Kaneki that he’s not the person he was. That he’s changed - but he hasn’t. He’s become self-aware, but this isn’t enough to change someone. Shuu still doesn’t understand that. He’s like a beautiful butterfly in that stage where the chrysalis is clear and starting to shake, but the butterfly isn’t out yet, and when it is out, it still has to wait for its wings to dry. Shuu is impulsive, and fails to properly think things out especially in a social situation (another symptom of bpd is impulsivity, particularly in regards to self-destruction). So he’s bombastic in rushing in and trying to get that Kaneki back, even if he doesn’t exist, and we can argue that this brazenness, this impulsivity, goes on to foster more destruction.

Therefore, it becomes even more weird that Shuu seems to recover after Kanae’s death in particular, because I feel like Shuu was already grappling with some guilt in regards to his past self. Kaneki throwing Shuu from the rooftop is met with Shuu’s acceptance of it - it’s a passive kind of suicidality. What better repentance is there - what is the best way to say sorry - than letting the person you hurt kill you? I know I’ve attempted or hurt myself in attempt to repent and say sorry for the people I’ve hurt, (I even became Christian, briefly!) But Shuu isn’t killed. Kanae is, and directly because they save him. Shuu’s love for Kanae is evident by this point, so one has to question how someone who already seemed to be passively suicidal, who presumably held a quite a hefty amount of self-loathing - would be able to recover from someone they love dying specifically to save them. Shuu tells Kanae to save themself (in my translation), he seemed passive in the prospect of Kaneki killing him, so this turn of events should be absolutely fucking devastating to him.

His entire family, bar one person, were killed to protect him. People gave up their lives, for him - a person who was extremely mentally unwell. Shuu is egotistical, arrogant, and selfish, but too often I see people conflate this with narcissism or self-love - narcissists don’t even tend to love themselves, it seems the opposite (I am not well-versed in npd pls correct me). I don’t think Shuu likes himself, particularly in :re. I’m honestly surprised he survived through :re sometimes, because I feel like the events of the Tsukiyama extermination would eventually kill someone who was already mentally unstable.

But after the Tsukiyama arc, there is very little acknowledgement of Shuu’s mental state. It’s like, oh, he’s fine now. Kanae isn’t even mentioned again, (I think), and it’s really weird. One can argue Shuu is just pretending to be fine, maybe Kaneki being back is enough to shift his focus from those events back to his favourite person - but that’s not mentally healthy. That’s not recovery. You can argue that maybe he learnt to cope, did DBT or whatever, but I doubt he would’ve had time for that in :re? Iirc it was kind of busy, I mean…Man got fired from like 4 jobs after losing his family - self-worth must’ve been in the shitter fr

Shuu is supposedly better by :re and the end of :re, but I can’t fucking buy that. Maybe I’m projecting too much, but I still haven’t recovered from my favourite person and it’ been three fucking years, and I have a parent who is willing to literally die for me, and it feels like shit. These things don’t just go away. They condense, and they stay. It’s like the dog won’t die unless you do, and even then, the pain stays.

I’m off track - the point is. I don’t like it. I get narrative time and that - Shuu isn’t the main character, but still. TG has so much depth and nuance in its characters and I wish more work had been put into Shuu post-Tsukiyama arc. (I also wish Kanae hadn’t died but fuck my stupid Baka life i guess)

I can’t help but feel like Shuu was ill at the start of Tokyo Ghoul, got even iller. And by the end of :re, he’s still very much ill.

sorry if this doesn’t make sense I cried halfway through and im tired

[allsadnshit]

Yesterday right on the new moon my job had a staff meeting and afterwards my bosses held me back to have a discussion and sprung a demotion on me and it's really blown up my entire peace for this chapter. They were vague about what I wasn't doing as a bar lead (I train new hires, make drink specials that sell super well, etc) and it was such a smack in the face to be told I wasn't meeting the expectations when they also acknowledged they didn't make the expectations and job responsibilities clear when I asked them to write a job description for me so this sort of thing wouldn't happen + they could have told me it wasn't working and tried to fix it with me rather than just deciding to demote me and drop my pay after I JUST introduced the drink special ideas I had for the next season at the whole staff meeting prior

Immediately after being demoted they gave me a bag of gluten free baked goods they got for me as the "good news" and it was so jarring and threw me off even further since I was already totally unprepared to process what has JUST happened and it just sort of turned into me thanking them and saying I understood or whatever and wanted things to work somehow and then walked home feeling like someone hit me with a fucking bus

Like so much weird shit was said and it was sprung on me without any warning like they didn't even tell me I'd be asked to stay after the all staff meeting for a discussion so I didn't have time to prepare any of my own things I needed from them or like wasn't given the chance to think about how I felt at all I just had to scramble and try and respond in the moment

It's been such a huge blow and I've just been rotting in bed all day waiting for therapy this afternoon and feeling totally defeated even though I also think being pushed to the edge is sometimes necessary to make big leaps. I haven't taken a bar lead position in YEARS after the trauma of my last time doing one when I was 21 and that was such a horrible ego death so for this to be the first time in so many years to have trusted enough again to try and know even if things don't work out I could expect to be treated respectfully is so disappointing. I'll never forget that months after I was demoted at my old job and they had to have 2 different upper management people try to fill my position and get totally overwhelmed, fail then quit....I got these apologies and offers to take my old job back and I didn't but it was so validating after being told I wasn't doing it well enough when turns out the position just wasn't fair in general and I still rocked at it.

I'm not sure if I want to just quit and be jobless and float for a while working more on my art stuff and just take the financial hit or WHAT but honestly this is just gonna be so hard no matter what I end up choosing

[pisupsala]

One for The History Books [Chapter 21] [Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw]

[Summary] You are an archivist at the Pentagon, sent on assignment to TOPGUN to catalog and report on a top-secret mission. In the days under the Californian sun, a certain naval aviator puts your once orderly life in a tailspin that you might never recover from.

[Pairing] Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!reader / Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!oc

[Warnings] Mature content: swearing, (explicit) smut. 18+ only.

[Words] 10.3k

[Index] All Chapters | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Epilogue

[Library]

 Chapter 21 - Landfall

“You know we don’t have to open it tonight, right?” You’ve noticed Bradley has been eyeing the box with a sort of nervous apprehension—his eyes flicking back and forth while you eat, still seated on the floor.

It feels like that’s the best place with zero pretense instead of sitting on the sofa, or god forbid across from each other at the table. “It can always wait.” 

That’s not to say you are not dying to know what’s in the box and why Bradley brought it. But you shouldn’t push it—especially not today. Everything still feels raw, precarious almost.

But still, Bradley took the massive first step in trying to fix the situation between you, and give you what you had been asking for him. Pushing him more right now wouldn’t be fair.

It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed. Bradley kept his suffering locked away for so long, and carried the burden of his traumas by himself while directing you away from it. Now he’s made the conscious decision to let you in.

All you can really do now is listen to him and support him in the way that he needs you to. And no matter how hard it might be for you, that also means backing off sometimes.

Bradley shakes his head in response. “I want to,” He looks at you with those warm dark eyes, still full of pain. “Because I want to make sure there’s not a doubt left in your mind that I’m giving every part of me to you before I leave.”

You can’t help but blush under his intense gaze.

“You’re really all or nothing, aren’t you?” You smile before turning serious. “But Bradley, I don’t want you to hurt yourself on my account like that. I don’t want you to tear yourself apart because you think this needs to be fixed completely, like, right now.”

Pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, you add: “I don’t doubt you. And I’ll be here when you come back, waiting for you. And the box will be here too.” 

“I don’t want to lose my nerve.” Bradley admits sighing lightly. You sit in silence for a moment, contemplating.

“Then, let’s do it.” You conclude, smiling up at Bradley. “Let's get rid of the pizza boxes first, though. Do you want another beer?”

“Are you sure you’re done?” Bradley looks at you somewhat skeptically as you get up from the floor. “You ate less than half of your pizza.”  

“Oh, yeah—I’m pretty full.” You shrug. 

Truth is, as that pizza was the first big meal you’ve had in about a week, the three odd slices you had made you feel overly full. You only started feeling hungry after the enormous dark pit in your stomach finally dissolved—because this is not the end. This is a challenge you need to overcome. And together you will.

“Are you okay?” Bradley’s words are pointed, not accusatory in any way, but worried. “We haven’t really talked about—well, my week was absolute shit.” 

You chuckle humorlessly. “Well… same here.” 

Obviously, you hadn’t been okay. At all. Like, Bradley is probably too much of a gentleman to say anything, but between the bruise, bags under your eyes, messy hair, and pallid skin, you look at least partially as shitty as you’ve been feeling.

You pushed yourself through the days at work, numbed by a near-constant stream of music, podcasts, and movies, collapsing in your bed the moment you came home, exhausted beyond belief. Yeah, it sure as shit didn’t help you could barely keep anything down, the corrosive feeling in your stomach pretty much locking you up from the inside.

“But I’m okay now.” You assure Bradley with a small smile, before adding teasingly: “If you give me a kiss, I’ll feel even better, actually.” 

You lean in, bending at the waist and resting your hands on Bradley’s broad shoulders for stability. With a playful grin, he obliges you, pressing his lips against yours. 

“It’s making me feel better, too.” He murmurs against your mouth softly. You squeeze, feeling Bradley’s muscles move under your fingers. You’ve missed him so much, but your kisses don’t go any further than that. You can feel his hesitancy—he’s not done with his bloodletting yet.

He still thinks there is a chance you won’t want him anymore. It’s pretty clear to you that this is just as much for himself as he says it’s for you. He needs to confront his past to start making his own peace with it; only then can he move past it.

And you will let him take the lead as long as you keep going forward, supporting him every step of the way.

Breaking the kiss, he rests his forehead against yours.

“You good, babe?” You half-whisper, eyes closed, reveling in his proximity.

“Much better, darlin’.” Bradley murmurs back, his voice deep and rough. It sends a jolt down your spine. 

Not the time.

Putting the pizza boxes in the kitchen and grabbing two more beers, you sit back down on the floor next to Bradley. He’s fidgeting, peeling the label off his nearly empty drink.

You pop the new bottles open, offering him one. In a single swig, he empties the beer he had been nervously handling, setting it back on the small coffee table off the side before accepting the new bottle.

Reaching out, he pulls the box closer so it sits just between both your legs. His hand rests on the lid for a moment. 

“Do you want to open it?” You quirk your eyebrow at Bradley’s sudden request. Gently putting your hand over his, you shake your head with a ghost of a smile on your lips.

Your instinct keeps telling you to help him, ease his discomfort, and carry the brunt of the situation because you know you’ll be able to handle it. You would do anything to lighten his burden, but some things are not up to you. You understand now this is not one of them. There’s no need to tell him—he knows—he needs to do this. 

As Bradley slides off the lid, you can’t help but lean forward to get a good look at the contents of the box. The entirety is messily filled to the brim with pictures and what looks like albums. Some seem to be thrown in haphazardly on top of the rest, edges bent and damaged from being jostled. 

“Oh…” The sound escapes you involuntarily as you realize what’s on the pictures. They are family pictures. Bradley’s family. Your heart clenches for a second—Bradley really took your words to heart.  

“It’s ehm-,” Bradley hesitates for a moment, clearing his throat, searching for words. “These are all the pictures I have left from my family.” 

Your head snaps to look at him—Bradley is looking forlornly at the pile of pictures, fingers tracing one that is on top before grabbing it. He studies it for a second, and then wordlessly shows it to you. Your eyes flicker over the picture before returning to his face. 

“I don’t really—I have no idea what to do with this.” He admits with a deep sigh. “I wanted to show you, but now that I opened it…” Bradley trails off.

“Is that you with your little league team?” You smile up at him kindly, pointing at the picture in his hand. “Where was that taken?”

You gently guide his hand closer to you both, so you can look at the photo better. There’s a gaggle of kids in the picture, all still very young in cute and messy little baseball uniforms.

“I - I think that’s still back in San Diego.” He starts hesitantly. “I think I was too young for little league there, that must be something like the local tee ball team.” 

“Which one are you? — Wait, don’t tell me. I want to see if I can guess.” 

Having faced a myriad of difficult decisions and situations in his life, Bradley didn’t think he’d view opening a box of old pictures as such a hurdle. His heart is beating loudly, and he has to consciously keep his hands steady.

He hasn’t really thought it through, and he hadn’t really prepared—he barely remembered what was in the box, or what state it was in. What was he actually going to do with this?

Somewhere, having to go through those pictures was always going to happen, but he’s been putting it off for so many years now that he can barely believe the moment is here.

But for one thing, he knows he can rely on you. Your kindness, your empathy. Your love. You wouldn’t let him struggle through this by himself. Like now. With gentle questions, you steer his thoughts away from anxiety and focus on the small things. 

You keep guessing wrong which kid he could be, picking ones that have darker hair. Not being able to keep a small grin off his face, he points to the small and skinny kid squinting against the sun in the second row. 

“No.” You look at him with comical disbelief. “You were not that blond as a child.”

You scoot closer to him as you bring his hand with the picture up to your face.

“That’s a trick of the light though, isn’t it?”

“Nope. Wait, I’m sure there’s more in here.” Bradley grins despite himself. “I think there might be a whole baby album.”

“Well, I for sure need to see that.”

Bradley leans forward, casually rifling through the pictures at the top of the box. Not being able to stop yourself, you spring up to stop him.

“Bradley, the pictures will get damaged like that.” You admonish him mildly as you carefully pick them up one by one and setting them aside. “Your memories deserve to be handled with care, don’t you think?” 

“You’re right.” He concedes as he feels his heart do a strange little jump. It’s almost painful, but it gives Bradley a strange feeling of elation. Back when he was moving around a lot from his childhood home to college, to boot camp to his first station, he simply consolidated all pictures into this box without much thought.

And here you are, carefully picking every picture up and arranging them in neat little piles on the floor next to the box. The gentleness of the gesture feels deeply intimate. Like you give every snapshot of his life a little bit of attention as you handle it with so much respect. Kindness. Love.

A kind of mercy he hasn’t allowed himself in all these years.

Much more carefully, he pulls out the baby blue album. His baby album. In all these years, he didn’t think he’d actually be looking through that again. That’s a thing for moms to do, right? Show every embarrassing childhood picture to your girlfriend and tell them every awful story.

For a second, Bradley thinks about Mav - he knows so many stories. He was there for them for all those years. As were many others that flew with his dad, although not as much. 

In the end, Mav was there for more stories of them than his own dad was. His mom was there for all of them—well, almost all of them. Some teenage mistakes Bradley would rather take to the grave, and would be more than happy if Mav did too.

Throwing up riding on the back of Mav’s motorcycle when he got too drunk for the first at a house party at the age of 15 would be one of those. Mav had laughed at him so hard, Bradley was sure would never live that one down. In all fairness, he never told Bradley’s mom what happened. He just got Bradley home.

Bradley leafs through the baby album, your chin on his shoulder, loving the little notes his mom made. The first plate of spaghetti (it was a massacre), the first time on a swing (never wanted to get off), first day at preschool on base (many tears), on the pier waiting for daddy to come home.

“You look so annoyed there.” You chuckle, pointing at the picture of a 3-year-old Bradley holding a scrunched-up welcome home sign in his little fists, barely dried tears staining his rosy cheeks.

“Oh man.” Bradley laughs lightly. “All I remember from that is we just stood there on the pier—it took forever, and it was so hot that day.” 

He pauses, trying to remember.

“I begged for an ice cream and my mom would tell me it’s a little bit longer; we had to wait for dad.” He reminisces. “That must have been the longest carrier docking in all history.” 

You giggle, thinking back to the past summer. Waiting for the carrier to dock and the sailors to disembark was tortuous under the summer sun for you, let alone for a small child.

“The next time I remember waiting like that…” Bradley trails off, suddenly deep in thought. “My dad never walked off the carrier.”

You hold your breath for a second.

“Only Mav came back.” Bradley swallows. “I could barely understand why we were there. Why we were leaving without dad.” 

“That must have been really hard.” 

“I mean—I don’t know… I was so young, it took me a while to comprehend my dad really wasn’t coming back.” Bradley has a pensive look on his face, as he stares at the far end of the room rather than at the album in his hands. “I remember much more vividly suddenly having to move out of our house, going out of state, living in a smaller place just together with my mom.” 

“How old were you?”

“Barely four. I think?” He shifts uncomfortably. It was easy to talk about the light stuff, although it always inevitably leads to dark memories. His dad not coming home, his mom always crying, moving away. Exactly the things he doesn’t like thinking about.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” You supply sincerely. God, his dad died so young. 

“‘S okay” Bradley mumbles. 

“Is that why you never wanted me to wait for you at the pier?” You inquire carefully, remembering Bradley’s exact argument of it being too hot and too boring.

“Yeah, no—a bit, I guess. But, no one had ever been waiting for me, you know?” He leans his forehead against the heel of his hand. “I went through all those rites of passage in the Navy by myself, just me. I thought I was fine with that.”

You regard him carefully as he still stares ahead, but you’re not sure he actually sees anything.

“I mean, none of my friends or girlfriends ever came. Sure as shit never invited them.” He just drops that casually into the conversation as you feel your eyebrows pull into a slight frown. “I guess none of them were tenacious enough,” 

His eyes finally meet yours as he grins.

“Or pigheaded enough to just go find everything out and show up.” 

You scoff lightly, a grin pulling at the side of your mouth. “You say that as if you didn’t want me to be there.” 

“No, no, darlin'—I fucking loved it.”  

“Do you think you are that undeserving?” Your question cuts sharply through the conversation.

“What do you mean?”

“You say I was pigheaded for showing up, but you were just as pigheaded for not inviting me—or anyone for that matter.” You cock an eyebrow. “So don’t you think you deserve anyone to wait for you?” 

Bradley sighs heavily.

“I suppose—I guess because there might be a day I don’t walk off that ramp, and I thought it would be easier if no one is waiting.”

“You believe that to be the inevitable outcome?” You intone mildly.

“No, no—I just…” You can tell by his manner, Bradley is getting frustrated.

You’re digging. 

Back off.

Let him take the lead.

“I’ll wait for you here at home or on the pier—wherever you want me to be.” You sooth. 

“I’m sorry.” Bradley apologizes softly. “I don’t mean to be so dark about it.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too.” You reply. “We don’t have to talk about it now. We have plenty of your pictures to go through.” You joke lightly, before adding more solemnly: “And we’re here for each other. That matters.”

“That’s all that matters” Bradley replies, pressing a kiss to your temple.

For a few moments of silence, you look through the next pages of the album. Bradley’s mom’s neat script shortly commentates every milestone. She clearly took a lot of care in making the album and took pictures prolifically.

Back then—before the age of video calls and digital photography—you suppose it was the only way to document everything that had been happening at home while Bradley’s dad was away.

“Your mom is so pretty.” You lightly trace the edge of the photo, adding: “I can see where you got your looks from.” 

Bradley chuckles in response. “You should see my dad—wait -” He leans forward to grab another album from the box. As he lifts it out, pictures slide from the pages, falling out of the bottom. You quickly sit up, helping Bradley tilt the album on its side, so the pictures top falling.

“For fuck’s sake.” He sighs, annoyed. 

You pluck the pictures that fell out of the box. They are wedding pictures of Bradley’s parents—they look resplendent, both dressed in white, smiling broadly. They are an incredibly good-looking couple. It strikes you how much Bradley looks like his dad—tall, generous smile, and of course the mustache. He looks dashing in his Navy whites, the same way Bradley does.

“You really look a lot like your dad.” You say pensively. “But I definitely see your mom in you too.”

“Mav used to tell me how much I resembled my dad when I was growing up.” Bradley carefully cracks open the album to straighten some loose photos. “I always took a lot of pride in that. Recently, he mentioned my temper is definitely my mom’s.” He chuckles dryly.

Carefully, you tuck one of the photos that fell out between the empty page. “Do you agree?”

“My mom…she—she always kept up a brave face.” Bradley shrugs somewhat uncomfortably. “She would never get really mad or sad, even though… she was. She would always hide it from me.” He slowly leaves through the album, eyes running over the pictures of the happy couple. “All the way to the end.”

Bradley pauses for a moment, as you tuck the other picture that fell out on another empty page.

“I overheard my mom and Mav have an absolute blow-up argument at the hospital. That was months before she passed away— I’ve never heard her so angry, like, screaming at each other. They stopped arguing the moment I walked into the room.” 

“I was nearly 18, not really a kid anymore, but mom never told me what they argued about. And even then, she would only cry when she thought I couldn’t hear.”

“It sounds like she was trying to protect you.” You supply kindly.

“I think she bottled everything up to the point of explosion.” Bradley sounds distant. “I guess I’m kind of the same way.”

“I still think…” Bradley swallows before continuing. “I believe that she never really got over my dad’s death. Mom would look at these pictures every day in the hospital, and I think she bottled up all her grief for so many years, it broke her heart for good.”

“I’m sorry, that’s really sad.” You say softly.

“I try not to think about it too much.” Bradley shrugs again, in a slightly more agitated manner. “It just makes me think about how she spent all those years grieving by herself and I couldn’t help her… was she ever happy again?” 

There’s no answer to that question.

“I think you can be happy about things even when still feeling the loss, because it’ll always kind of be there, right?” You begin slowly. “And our mom still had you. From what I hear, she clearly loved you a lot, going to great lengths to protect you from her pain. Maybe your happiness became her happiness.” 

“I hope it did.” Bradley sighs. Every page turned, every picture finally uncovered again, is like the weight is slowly rolling off him. Bottling up hurts. And it hurt for so long, the pain became a constant background noise. You’re right, he’s had moments of happiness despite the pain. Becoming a pilot despite the odds. Making it to TOPGUN. Surviving that mission. He’s been happy with you. 

It’s mostly in hindsight that he’s aware of the grief he still has in him at every moment. Bottled up. Closing the wedding album, he traces his fingers over the cover. It’s a matter of perspective.

Ironically, he pushed the happiest memories into a dark corner—literally in the back of his closet—never looking it at them because he couldn’t separate the happiness from the grief. And maybe, they don’t need separating. You’re right, the loss will always be there, but that doesn’t mean the happiness of those moments disappears. 

Ultimately, Bradley is becoming more and more sure of one thing. He couldn’t do this without you. He wouldn’t want to do this without you. Putting away the album, he wraps his arm around your neck, pulling you against him. You easily accept his gesture and lean into the hug, putting your arms around him. 

Bradley realizes that today is the first time in many years he allowed himself to reach out to someone for comfort emotionally and physically and that it was so readily given to him. Finally, the ever-present pain seems to dull.

“Thank you for sharing all this with me.” You whisper against his neck.

“It feels right.” He admits. “Things just feel right with you.”

You can’t help but smile as press yourself into Bradley. You’ve struggled with how… right things feel with Bradley. Always aware with the looming of darkness in the back of your head that this thing might not be more than a blip on the radar. Just a temporary madness. 

Like a knot being pulled loose, a new calmness anchors itself in you. It feels right. You can finally, unequivocally accept that. 

Slowly untangling from each other, you talk about look through one of the pile of pictures. Bradley laughs as he talks about breaking his nose during a training game in middle school baseball after a pitcher from the opposing team nailed him in the face as he was batting. Convinced he did it on purpose, Bradley waited for him after the game and started a fight. Getting a black eye and detention to boot, he elected to call Mav to pick him up and go to the hospital, too embarrassed to call his mom. 

“God, that dude was massive—had at least 50 pounds on me. I have no idea what I was thinking.” Bradley rubs his hand over his eyes, still laughing. 

“What did Mitchell say about it?” You ask, laughing too.

“Mercifully very little—all he told me was to get my temper in check or to get stronger and learn how to fight better.” Bradley grins as he rummages through the box.

“Solid advice.” You drawl sarcastically. Although you haven’t worked with Mitchell much directly, you’ve seen plenty of him in action and his unorthodox method of leadership. You are not at all surprised he would tell a 12-year-old that.

Bradley suddenly stills as his hand comes upon an object of smooth wood. He tries to keep his breathing even - fuck. 

He forgot this was in here.

You notice the sudden shift in Bradley’s demeanor, his hand half-hovering in the box, clutching an oddly shaped box. The moment you catch a glimpse of the dark polished walnut, the realization strikes you. It’s a display case with his father’s funeral flag and medals. Judging from Bradley’s reaction, it’s not a pleasant find.

“I - I -” The words are dying in Bradley’s throat. When he turns to you, you see the panic in his eyes. Carefully, you reach out to him, resting your hand on his shoulder. You don’t speak, leaving Bradley space to sort his thoughts and emotions.

He pulls out the display case, weighing in his hands hesitantly. He sits in silence, looking at the neatly folded flag behind the glass. Bradley swallows heavily, like he wants to say something, but the words won’t come. You rub your hand in soothing circles over his shoulder. You bite your lip to stop yourself from speaking. He needs this.

“My dad was Mav’s RIO.” Bradley’s voice is so soft, so broken, you would have missed his words if you had not been looking at him. “He died ejecting from their aircraft over the ocean.”

You move closer to Bradley. 

“He just didn’t walk off the boat one day.” His fingers run over the wooden sides of the frame. “And I barely remember.”

Bradley pauses to steady himself.

“I don’t know where the stories from my mom and Mav start and my own memories end—like playing the piano. I know my dad used to teach me simple tunes, but I…” He trails off for a moment. “But I remember the piano gathering dust for several years a lot more, and my mom crying when I started taking lessons.”

From the corner of your eye, you see Bradley blink rapidly.

“You know…,” You lick your lips nervously, trying to choose your words with care. It kills you to see him like this. “Memories are just one aspect of remembering. We remember through our actions too.” You turn to look at Bradley. His eyes are wet, as he stubbornly stares at the display case.

“Whether it’s through telling those stories, pictures, or playing the piano,” You continue, voice gentle. “That’s how you keep memories alive.”

Bradley doesn’t reply, eyes still trained of the blue and white of the folded flag, fingers twitching.

In a sudden move, he pulls you against him, practically dragging you from your spot next to him into his lap. He tucks his face into the crook of your neck. His fingers are digging into your flesh as he seems hell-bent on crushing you into him.

You let him.

You run your fingernails through the short hair on the back of his head comfortingly. Bradley is taking shaky breaths, his shoulders jerking lightly..

He can’t remember the last time he cried. Was it as his mom’s funeral? Or some time when he got way too drunk after boot camp? But now he can’t seem to stop himself. The tears just keep coming, like all the pain is suddenly fresh again.

You don’t say anything, and Bradley appreciates that. He presses himself into you like he wants to drown himself in you, trying to focus on your soft breathing to calm himself down. 

You have no words to help Bradley feel better, but sometimes it’s not necessary to speak to offer comfort. So you sit like that together on the floor, wrapped up in each other. Time could have been standing still all around you, and you wouldn’t have noticed. 

Eventually, slowly, Bradley’s breathing evens out. It’s like the atmosphere evens out with it—the final slivers of tension, the precarious balance of emotions and rawness in your hearts— start dissolving around you, leaving only love.

Bradley presses a kiss against your jaw and whispers a thank you. 

“There’s nothing to thank me for, babe.” You chuckle, hugging him a bit tighter against you.

“I’m thankful for you.” He replies sincerely, pressing more kisses against the column of your neck. You pull away a fraction to capture his lips with yours. Lightly biting down on his bottom lip, finally, he tilts his head in such a way that lets you deepen the kiss. You can’t even describe how much you need this: to feel Bradley again.

Gracelessly, you try to get up while guiding Bradley up with you without breaking the kiss. It’s a mess of limbs and hurried movements. You stumble as your foot gives out from under you, nearly falling onto the sofa. Bradley easily catches you.

“Fuck - my foot is asleep.” You wince as the pins and needles shoot up your ankle.

Bradley laughs. Light dances in his eyes as he hoists you up, legs wrapped around his waist. Seeing him like this makes your heart soar.

“Don’t let go of me.” He warns you, still smiling.

“I can’t.” You echo. “I don’t think I ever can.” 

With practiced ease, Bradley steers you both to the bedroom. You’ve spent the evening in the past and you need to get back to the present to ground yourself in each other.

The bedroom is a mess; sheets crumpled, pillows strewn around the bed. But neither of you cares. Bradley gently lays you down on the bed, your legs still hooked around his hips while he rests one knee on the mattress for stability.

His hands run up your sides, bunching up the silk of your blouse. Your breathing gets heavier as you feel his large warm hands through the fabric. Your fingers dance up his forearms, past his elbows, over the rippling muscles of his upper arms, pulling yourself up by his shoulders as you sit up to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

Gently grabbing one of your wrists, Bradley slowly lays you back down. 

“Let me take care of you now, darlin’.” He practically purrs. A giggle escapes you as his lips latch onto the column of your throat, his thumb running over the erratic pulse point on your wrist.

You sigh as you close your eyes, allowing yourself to feel even more. Bradley’s free hand is deftly undoing the buttons of your self-proclaimed armor. Arching your back off the mattress, brushing your bra-clad breasts against his chest, the silk shimmies off your body.

Momentarily leaning back, Bradley easily shrugs off his own shirt as you pull your arms from the sleeves—both garments end up somewhere in the dark of the room. Not missing a beat, you trail kisses up his broad chest towards his neck. Lightly biting down on Bradley’s collarbone, he hisses. You love that sound.

Fingers brushing down his stomach, you feel his muscles move under your feather-light touch as you reach the waistband of his jeans. Before you can do anything else, Bradley swipes your hands away, smoothly bringing them over your head and pinning them down.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” He murmurs against your lips, free hand undoing the button of your slacks, and slipping into your panties. “I’ll take care of you.”

You moan in response. Bradley wastes no time running his fingers up your slit, rubbing your clit at a tortuously slow pace. He knows your body almost as well as you do yourself; keenly feeling when to speed up, add pressure, mapping out every sensitive spot.

Your hands twitch, but Bradley doesn’t yield his grasp on your wrists. His lips travel down from your jaw, over your throat, nipping on your collarbone, down to the lace edge of your bra. The sensation of his hot breath through the thin fabric makes your head spin. You arch your back, trying desperately to maximize contact.

“Plea- please.” You beg in a whisper. Bradley just grins as he gently nips at the flesh of your breast. He has a need a regain control, a push to assure you, but mostly himself, that despite your relationship fundamentally changing with new emotional depths he never explored with anyone like that before, he is still him. 

He plunges two fingers into you, his thumb on your clit finally speeding up. Bradley leans back up just a little, hearing you whimper at the loss of contact, so he can take a good look as your body moves under him—hair mussed, blush spreading down your chest, breathing heavily as you buck up against his hand. 

Fuck, you look so good, you feel so good.

And you’re like that just for him.

Your eyes search Bradley's—pupils blown, dark with desire, a light blush dusts his cheeks—they are filled with warmth. Love. You tilt your hips up, muscles taut, as the pressure starts building in you. Bradley immediately responds to you without needing a single word, knowing exactly what you need: his fingers hooking up in you, moving in tandem with his thumb. It tears an incoherent moan from you.

Finally he releases your wrists and without hesitation your hands tangle into his curls, pulling his mouth to yours non-too gently. As he leans over you, never missing a beat, pumping his fingers in your pussy relentlessly, he uses his other hand to push away the lace of your bra. His fingers immediately pinch and pull your nipple, adding to the building pressure in you.

“Bradley…” You moan unabashedly. His skin is so hot under your touch, everything about him sets you aflame. You buck your hips harder, feeling so close already. Bradley drags his teeth along your collarbone, stopping at the pulse point at your neck, and biting down. 

You scream out in ecstasy, your muscles coiling tight, wrapping yourself around Bradley, pulling him along in your wave. Bradley’s mouth crashes into yours, swallowing your scream. As your cresting wave makes landfall, a calm settles back into your tired bones, and suddenly tears spring up behind your closed eyelids. Bradley is still kissing you deeply, his tongue moving against yours, devouring every thought.

You break the kiss to catch your breath, your teary eyes meeting his for a few seconds. As he hovers above you, you take every bit of Bradley in. Your muddled brain tries to come to a coherent thought, but in the end, you feel it more than you can formulate it.

You are the luckiest girl alive.

Hands moving of their own accord, you reach for Bradley, nails lightly raking down his chest. Bradley pulls you up with him, cradling your face in his hands as he presses a kiss on your lips. You pop the button of his jeans, sliding your hands down his boxer shorts. Grasping his rock hard shaft, you start pumping slowly. Bradley groans as he nibbles your bottom lip.

“I’m not done with you yet, darlin’.” He teases.

You giggle softly. “But I want you.”

Bradley only responds by unclasping your bra and sliding it down your arms. You press yourself against him, wanting to feel him against you. His hand is massaging your breast, tweaking your nipple, sending jolts of pleasure down your spine.

Skimming his fingers down your sides, he tugs your slacks and underwear down your legs in one smooth gesture. They end up somewhere in the darkness of the room, along with the rest of your clothes. You push his pants down his thighs—he easily steps out of them and you pull him with you onto the bed.

His hot mouth is on your tits, as you palm his cock. 

“I need you inside me.” You breathe. Bradley doesn’t respond at first, kissing and nipping his way down your body.

“I’m still not done with you.” His breath is hot against your soaking pussy. You whimper, blindly reaching for his hair as his tongue presses against your still-sensitive clit. Hooking your knee over his shoulder, using the leverage to tilt your pelvis just so, you know you’re not going to last very long under his assault. He squeezes your thigh as you tug his hair painfully. You roll your hips against Bradley’s face, setting a much-needed feverish pace. He acquiesces, tongue flicking against your clit without break, tearing a litany of swears from you.

“F- fuck, Bradley - don’t stop,” You beg, breathlessly. “You’re so fucking good.”

His free hand harshly squeezes your breast, pinching and manipulating the nipple as he hums—you feel the deep vibrations go through your core. Your body feels electrified, the pressure building in you from Bradley’s onslaught. He can feel your body stiffening, hips jerking, breath quickening. He knows you’re close, and he wants to pull you over the edge of pleasure.

You are mumbling incoherently, Bradley’s name on your lips like a prayer, as the coil in your stomach is wound almost painfully. Just a little bit more. He is relentless in his mission, tongue lashing against you. Splaying his hand on your lower stomach, Bradley stills your hips, building the anticipation even more.

Just when you think you cannot take it anymore, the coil in you springs. You cannot even begin to care how loud you are right now. Bradley is still holding you down, his mouth buried in your pussy as you cum, moans filling the room.

 It feels like your breath has been ripped from your lungs. You are only vaguely aware of the tears leaking from your screwed-shut eyelids—your brain feels like it has been disconnected from your body completely, static electricity flickering through your veins. 

“Fuck, darlin’…” Bradley is panting. His voice is suddenly close, concerned. “Hey, are you okay?” His finger trails down the wet streak down your cheek.

Slowly opening your eyes, colorful spots filing your vision, you look up at Bradley. You don’t know why there are tears on your face. The intensity of the moment is overwhelming, but you aren’t sad in any way.

“I’m okay.” You croak, softly pressing your lips against his, tasting yourself on him. “You just completely blew my mind.” You joke lightly.

“I’ll accept that reason.” Bradley grins. “Do you need a break?”

You shake your head almost petulantly. “No, I need you.” 

“Please.” You add softly, wrapping your arms around his neck. You want Bradley close.

“Anything you want, sweetheart.” He whispers in your ear. “Anything for you.”

He slides his cock into your slick pussy, drenched in your own cum, in one swift motion, filling you to the hilt. You moan as Bradley swears under his breath.

“Fu- fuck, darlin’, you feel so, so good.” His voice is deep, rough, and so close, his mustache is brushing against the shell of your ear – it’s sending shivers down your spine. 

Bradley sets a slow, almost leisurely pace. He wants to savor this; your blushing face, glassy eyes looking up at him as you wrap yourself around him. Your look of love. This is how he wants you committed to his memory forever, and quietly wishes this would be the look he would see in his dreams.

In the meantime, he will make to be worthy of that look every day. So you will look at him like that every day. Only at him. Your fingers are running down the side of his face, a small smile gracing your lips. He grabs your hand and presses a kiss against your palm before intertwining your fingers with his, squeezing your hand as he rolls his hips against you. 

It feels so intimate. So much more intimate than ever before. 

You always tried to be strong, but you had also shown your vulnerability and insecurities to him. You cried, you were angry, your hands shook when you unbuttoned his shirt. Now that you know him, arguably better than almost anyone else, Bradley cannot help but feel like the axis has tilted. He trusts you. With himself, with his pain and his love.

Admitting and accepting that makes everything so much clearer.

“I love you.” The words come out naturally. It’s a verbalization of what he’s been feeling for a long time now and saying the words is familiar, because really, he’s told you many times in many different ways already, just not with those words.

“I love you too.” You gasp. “S- so much.” 

Leaning on his elbow, fingers still intertwined with yours, Bradley speeds up the pace—his cock driving into you hungrily. Your tits bounce deliciously every time he fills you to the hilt, your hips rising to meet his every move. He missed you so much, he knows he’s not going to last long. 

You feel Bradley’s hips starting to stutter irregularly as he’s speeding up, a light sheen of sweat forming on his brow. Your nails rake over his back, tilting your hips for more friction. Bradley groans, brow furrowed as he searches for release. 

“Will you cum for me?” You encourage sweetly. “Cum for me, Bradley, I need you.”

How can he refuse, when you ask him like that? 

Bradley pounds into you, your moans and his swears filling the room. He squeezes your hand painfully, as he closes his eyes for a moment, never losing the relentless pace.

“Fuck, sweetheart, I’m so close.” He grinds out.

“Please, Bradley -” You beg in a whispery voice. 

Bradley moans loudly, swearing as his movements turn erratic, trusts turning irregular until his hips stutter to a halt. Breathing heavily, he rests his forehead against yours—your breath mingling before his body slowly sinks into yours. Together you lay there in a bubble of contentment, between the messy sheets, clothes strewn around and the chaos of your week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Darlin’, are you awake?”

You blink heavily against the sunlight streaming into the room. You went out like a light last night. Both Bradley and you were so exhausted from everything that happened that week, you pretty much fell asleep on top of each other. You only managed to go to the bathroom before completely conking out, Bradley was already fast asleep by them.

“Wha- what time is it?” You ask, voice thick with sleep. It’s only as you gain some awareness of your surroundings, you notice Bradley is not in bed with you anymore, rather standing next to it, bent over you. He’s dressed in only his boxers, while you are still naked under the covers.

“It’s a little past 11.” He replies, pressing a kiss on your temple. Fuck, that late? “But more pressingly, sweetheart; you don’t have any coffee. Actually, you don’t have much of anything in the house.”

Oops.

“Yeah, I kinda forgot to go shopping.” You mumble, rubbing your eyes.

“And here I was going to make you breakfast.” Bradley teases. “Come on, get up. At least let me take you out.”

“I need to shower,” You yawn, scratching your head. “Ugh, and wash my hair.”

“Well, let’s go take care of that.” Bradley grins, as he scoops you up from the bed, causing you to squeal in delight as you scramble to grab onto him. He effortlessly pulls you up from the bed, the covers still wrapped around you. You laugh together as he carries you out of the bedroom.

The shower take way too long—mostly because you spent less time washing, and more time pinned against the tile wall, moaning in ecstasy. Gasping for breath, wetter from sweat than water and Bradley’s cum dripping down your thighs, you end up kicking him out of the shower. You’re going to be stuck there for the rest of the day and your water bill will be through the roof. He leaves you with a wink.

You make quick work of washing your hair, lathering it with conditioner and shaving for good measure. Hair wrapped in a towel, you get dressed in comfortable jeans and a simple cotton shirt. You’re going to need to blow dry it before you go out—also you should really do your makeup. The bruise is slowly getting over the worst of it, but it’s still pretty visible.

Head bent down, rubbing the towel through your hair, you walk into the living room. From the corner of your eye, you see Bradley sitting on the couch, fully dressed already. “Babe, are we really out of all coffee?” You’re dying for a cup.

When he doesn’t immediately respond, you look up, holding the towel up from your face. Bradley is gingerly holding his parent’s wedding album, carefully moving the loose pictures into place.

 “Do you think it’s fixable?” His voice is quiet. “It was my mom’s favorite album.”

You blink, before rewrapping your hair and sitting down next to him. Carefully, you pick up one of the pictures and inspect it.

“Yeah, I’ve seen this happen a lot with picture collections we get. It looks like the glue disintegrated.” You note as you look at the back of the photo. As you suspect, the glue in the corners has left only brown residue and has long-lost its function. “We do restorations regularly—well not me, per se, I did it as part of my rotations as an intern—but it can be anything from humidity, or just a bad batch of glue…” You trail off, realizing you’re rambling.

“Can you fix it?” 

“Me?” You cannot hide your surprise at his request. “I mean—I can get some of the supplies we use at work.” You regard Bradley carefully. “Do you want me to do that?” 

“Yeah…” He sighs. “I’m kind of… scared I’ll ruin it.” He looks at you from the corner of his eye. “And you’re the archivist here.” A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

“I’m not really a conservation specialist, but I’ll do my best.” You reply earnestly. This feels like a pretty serious responsibility. “I’ll get some special glue, and maybe some protective sleeves and smaller boxes to store all the other loose photos, okay?”

You smile lightly at him, feeling a blush creep up. The way Bradley puts his trust in you to care for the last tangible memories he has from his parents gives you butterflies.  “Your mom did such a great job dating all the photos, I can order them for you.” 

You pause for a moment.

“If you want, that is.” You backtrack, unsure. This is not a history project, it’s not an anonymous donation to archives from someone’s estate, these are Bradley’s memories. It should be his choice. “I will do what I can to help you.”

“Thanks sweetheart.” He carefully closes the album. “I trust you completely with this—you know so much better than I how to care for all these things.”

“But they are still your memories.” You say, voice soft. “And in the end, you need to be happy with it.”

“You make me happy.” Bradley replies mischievously. 

“You are impossible.” You grin, as move to get up.

“Impossibly in love with you?” He teases.

Okay. So it would be a complete lie if that doesn’t make your heart jump so hard it’s making your rib cage rattle as blood floods to your cheeks. Regardless of how fucking cheesy that is. 

You try your best to shoot him a withering look, although it probably lacks power. Bradley is trying to get a reaction out of you. You can tell by that cheeky glint in his eye, the way his mouth is pulled in that cocky half-smirk and the casual figure he cuts, leaning back on the sofa; he knows he succeeded.

You just grunt in embarrassment, pulling the towel back over your face as you leg it out the room, leaving Bradley to enjoy his victory. 

Bradley ends up taking you to a diner—which is fine by you, because regular refills on coffee is exactly what you need right now. You slide into a booth together, Bradley immediately wrapping his arm around your shoulders. 

If Bradley was tactile before, he’s turned it up to 11 today. Not that you are complaining. It feels like you need to fill up on everything Bradley—like you’ve lost precious time, even if it was just a week—before he leaves again. 

Rationally, you know it’s only a month. He’s been gone for longer. You’ve been through this together. But it suddenly all feels strange again, a little bit apprehension under the surface, as you see your connection in a new light full of new heights and depths. It never felt better, but this time being apart will be different from before.

You eat your breakfast in relative silence—honestly, after the first bite of your blueberry pancakes, you realize how much you are starving. You lean back against Bradley, nursing your coffee.

“Hey babe,” You start, looking up at him through your lashes. “You’re flying out to Texas on Tuesday, right?”

Bradley nods. “Yeah, about that…” He trails off, while he fidgets with his mug. “No, never mind, it’s stupid.”

“What?” You sit up, looking at him curiously. The tips of his ears are red as he avoids your gaze. “Come on, tell me.”

“I’m flying commercial, so I was thinking to change my ticket to fly out of D.C.”

“Won’t that be expensive, changing it so late?” You ask, not unkindly.

“Well-” Bradley hesitates, eyes roaming the room nervously. You are seriously wondering what has him out of sorts like this suddenly. “I was thinking you could drop me off at the airport Tuesday and take the Bronco. You can use it when I’m gone, it’s safer than your car anyway. It would make me feel better if you use my car.” He ends his sentence hurriedly: “And then you could come pick me up again whenigetback.”

Letting out a deep breath, Bradley continues, voice forced light. “But it’s stupid, you have work, and you’re right, it’s probably kind of late to change my ticket.” 

“Hold on.” You cut in, gently placing your hand on his cheek and turning him to face you. “Babe. Do you want me to take you to the airport and pick you up when you get back?”

“Yes.” He replies earnestly. “But it’s such short notice, I don’t want you to get into trouble with work…”

“I’ll handle that, don’t worry.” You smile. “Of all places, the DoD will understand I have to say goodbye to my handsome naval aviator boyfriend because he’s leaving for a month.” 

“I’d love to do that for you. I want to be there for you.” You tell him honestly. “And I’m not saying that just because you’re lending me your car for a whole month.” You add with a grin.

Bradley laughs loudly at that. His eyes crinkle, the apprehension suddenly leaving him. He presses a kiss against your lips. “I’ll be rebooking my ticket then.”

“You do that.” You smile—it means you will have him with you for two more days, instead of him leaving on Sunday already. Sometimes things just work out like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Bradley leaves for Texas, you spent your evenings going through the pictures from the box. Gently cleaning them, tucking them in protective sleeves and ordering them chronologically in new boxes where they won’t be thrown around so much. 

As you clear out the box Bradley left you, you find small trinkets that must have been thrown in at some point. A small plastic soldier, scraps of paper, lots of dust. You clean everything and save everything that might be of worth in an envelope. It’s not up to you to throw anything away.

Stuck in the corner of the box, you find a pair of dog tags that belonged to Bradley’s father. They are smudged and dirty—you have no idea if that’s from being in the dusty box (which was stored god knows where for how long) or this is the way they were returned to the family. 

You want to ask Bradley, but elect to do so when he is back. He calls you almost every day, but you notice his unease when you ask about objects from the box. It’s still difficult for him. And he tries so hard.

So instead, you order a flat, rectangular box through work, once that is specifically used to store small items. You fill it with soft foam, cut to measure, and carefully pin the dog tags into place. Bradley can decide what he wants to do with this later.

It’s late at night, almost halfway through Bradley’s training mission, you find something unexpected. 

It’s a crushed ring box. 

The hinges are rusted and twisted, the top of the box sitting at an awkward ninety-degree angle. It’s empty, the once soft fabric on the outside torn and stained. The button to open the box is loose in the socket, jiggling sadly with every movement.

It mostly likely got torn apart between the heavy albums between different moves, just loosely thrown in, unsecured in any way.

It doesn’t look like it can be salvaged. Not only that, but it’s beyond your skill, that’s for sure. Still, you carefully place it in an envelope. Maybe you can ask someone at work if they know someone (a jeweler? A carpenter? Who actually repairs things like these?), although it looks like a commercially produced box. Getting it restored will probably cost a lot more than getting a new one. But this is not your decision to make. 

More importantly: there is a ring box, but no ring?

You should go to bed. But you cannot resist a good mystery. A missing puzzle piece. 

It’s late, so Bradley is probably already asleep. He mentioned he has an early start tomorrow and you don’t want to disturb him. But you also don’t want to wait almost two weeks before you can ask about the missing ring. 

You take out the last items from the box—it’s as good as empty now.

You use the torch on your phone to get a better look, fingers running along the edges of the cardboard. There’s a dust bunny, a few scraps of paper and what looks like a lone Lego brick. No ring.

Carefully peeling back the flaps on the bottom, you lean closer for a better look. Still nothing. You wiggle your hand under the flap, fingers exploring every nook and cranny. Your hand is getting coated in dust and what feels like grains of sand. 

Yuck.

Still no luck.

Maybe there is no ring, and it’s been long lost between Bradley’s moves.

But that’s kind of boring.

Putting your phone away, you sit back, rocking on your heels. 

Fuck this.

You flip the box over, shaking it with some vigor. Sand, dust and Lego hit the floor with soft thuds. Suddenly, a soft-

Ting.

Metal hitting the wooden floor.

Ting.

It bounces.

Quickly, you push the box out of the way. 

There, between the dust and the grime, landed a golden ring. The almond shaped topaz, set between two smaller diamonds, glitters like the sun, even under the artificial light of your living room light.

Carefully picking it up, you study it. Like everything in the box, it’s kind of dirty and scuffed. As you look at it—it is a beautiful ring—it dawns on you. It looks familiar. 

But… from where?

Oh fuck.

Pulling out the wedding album, you flip the pages until you find the picture you are looking for. You’ve spent a better part of a week, every evening after work (sometimes while on the phone with Bradley), carefully peeling the pictures off the page and painstakingly reapplying them until your back hurt. You’ve gotten plenty familiar with every photo. 

There it is. 

Bradley’s parents, in close up, smiling at each other lovingly. But more importantly, her hand is resting on his shoulder, and there, clear as day, sits that exact ring.

It’s his mother’s engagement ring.

Suddenly, your heart is beating so loudly, you can barely hear yourself think. You know Bradley didn’t leave it in there for you to find. Hell, considering the state it’s in, he probably forgot it was in there in the first place.

But.

You cannot deny that you’ve not allowed yourself a little dream here and there. In the long term, you indulge in the fantasy of getting married to Bradley. Would Bradley marry you? You’ve never talked about marriage, or kids, together.

Finding this ring now sets your mind into overdrive. He would look so good in his formal uniform. He would kiss you so sweetly at the alt- oooh, this is bad. 

You pinch the bridge of your nose. 

Okay. Focus on the practicals. 

The ring box is busted, so you need to find a place to store the ring. You could order a new ring box online, but you don’t want the ring to just lie around your desk in the meantime.

It feels a bit too forward to place it in your own jewelry box. It’s not yours, it shouldn’t be there. The only other place… the box with the dog tags.

Your breath sounds loud in the otherwise silent room—adrenaline is still coursing through your veins as you open the small box. With the thin blade you use to lift pictures off the page, you slice a small slit into the foam, next to the dog tags.

The ring slides in easily, glinting happily in the light, cozily tucked next to the dog tags. 

It looks… right, you decide. 

You close the little box lovingly. 

It feels right, having them together like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is the day. You are bouncing on your heels, trying to see over the crowd of people in the arrival hall. 

You’ve checked signs at the exit at least a dozen times. It’s really this exit. Every 30 seconds, your eyes flicker over to the display—no, the arrival hall for Bradley’s flight hasn’t changed, yes, it’s still the same exit. The airport app only confirms it.

You fidget with the belt of your light trench coat.

Why are you so nervous?

It’s only been a month.

You’ve arrived too early—Bradley’s plane hasn’t even landed yet. But you’ve been having this dreadful, horror-filled premonition you’d be late—when he finally asked you to wait for him. 

You can’t fuck this up.

But now you’re here, a good 20 minutes early, nervously shifting your weight from foot to foot, watching people around you mill about. Weary travelers rush past you to taxis, while people have small and big reunions, and designated airport pick-ups hold signs with bored expressions.  

It’s torture. 

You should have brought a book. Or at least your AirPods or something. Anything to distract you from looking at the clock every 5-odd seconds, getting distracted by every announcement made, and ultimately disappointed every time with how slowly time is going.

Trying to stop yourself from pacing like an absolute madwoman in front of the exit, you stroll around the shops in the arrival halls—always in the line of sight of one of the information displays. Not that anything changes. 

Listlessly you page through cheap romance novels, read a couple of headlines on the magazine rack and inspect small trinkets. There is a particularly unfortunate-looking plastic model of the Washington monument, leaning precariously forward like it’s in a tower of Pisa contest (you almost buy it because you feel so bad for it).

Unfortunately, that’s only 5 minutes gone.

You recheck your pockets for what must be the 348th time today. Phone, house keys, car keys. Chapstick, chewing gum, wallet. Everything is still there.

You walk past the flower stand, where big bouquets and bunches of roses in vibrant colors contrast starkly against the gray marble airport tiling. Aluminum balloons swing softly as people rush home. The smell of overpriced cheesy pastries wafts through the air.

You quickly stop by the bathroom—brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. The bruise on your face has long disappeared.  You look fine. 

It’s too cold for the summer dress Bradley seems to favor, so you’ve opted for a wrap dress with longer sleeves that is more appropriate for the weather. You like to think that cut flatters you. You look good.

Slipping your hand back into the pockets of your coat, you slowly head back to the exit. Still no change on the display.

You repeat two more slow rounds around the shops, trying not to look like a total weirdo, when the display finally shows Bradley’s plane has landed. Faster than necessary, you leg it back to the exit, as if he could come out any minute. Yes, you know he still needs to make it off the plane, wait for his luggage, and then walk all the way where you are waiting but Bradley is here.

You’re about to burst with anticipation, hands clasped around your phone that you hold up to your chest because you don’t think you can stop fidgeting otherwise, and because it feels like your heart might leap straight out.

“waiting for luggage x” 

Bradley’s message is simple and to the point, but makes you feel like you might just float above the crowd in front of you and straight into his arms.

He is so close.

Every time the sliding doors open and people file out, you bounce onto your tiptoes to see that familiar head of caramel curls with that confidently easy-going gait and that cocky smile that makes you weak at the knees. Bradley knows exactly the effect he has on you, and you’ve decided to just own it.

 Fuck it, you’re in love.

And you know it’s mutual.

It’s like you’ve developed a sixth sense for Bradley. The moment the sliding doors open again, you feel him before you see him. He’s here.

Bradley’s stance is confident in his crisp khaki uniform as he steps out, not faltering for a second —but his eyes are scanning the crowd nervously. You stand rooted to the ground for one second before your brain jolts you into action: he’s looking for you.

Bradley’s heart is beating anxiously—where are you? — when, your voice rings out over all the noise around, clear as a bell.

“Bradley!”

You are weaving through the crowd, about 90 feet away, trying to get past the horde of people waiting as quickly and somewhat as politely as possible. He can see your shining eyes even from the distance: they are his beacon home.

Unceremoniously, he drops his bag on the floor, not really caring it’s in the middle of the path. He only has eyes for you now.

Finally, you break free from the line, running forward with your arms outstretched. Before you can take two steps, Bradley is running up to you.

You crash into each other, Bradley lifting you off your feet in one fell swoop. You wrap your legs around him, not really caring how the skirt of your dress is bunching up around your thighs. Your hands got to cradle Bradley’s face, lips inching close like you’re sharing a secret just between the two before you kiss him.

“Welcome home, lieutenant.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[note] aaaaand that it's for the main story. Almost. There is still an epilogue in the works where I'll try to tie up some of the leftover threads. Plus there's one side story that I'm particularly excited to write. Soon I'll probably take some time to thoroughly edit the story. I know for a fact some story elements fell a little to the wayside, and not everything works quite like I wanted it to (let alone that some sentences read like I've had a stroke half-way through).

Thank you for reading. Thank you for all the comments and encouragement. Thank you for helping me re-discover that writing can still be fun and it's okay to self-indulge. Ultimately, I hope my story brought you some joy!

[taglist] @ponyboys-sunsets | @thatchickwiththecamera | @littlewhiterose | @katieshook02 | @straightforwardly | @zazzysseoul | @rororo06 | @datingbtr | @notalxx | @fresh-new-yoik-watah | @gretagerwigsmuse  | @swthxrry | @joshkiskasbunion | @caelipartem | @blackbrownie | @yanak324 | @unluckymonaghan | @letusbewildflowers | @ticklish-leafy-plant | @alana4610 | @eg-dr3amer3 | @turningtoclown | @mell-bell | @mak-32 | @avis15 | @helplesslydevoted | @benhardysdrumstick | @chaoticversion | @cherrycola27 | @roosterschanelslut

[queer-crusader]

ask game!!!

3, 18, 21, 22, 23, 25, 40, 51, 73, 86

yes i chose a zillion, i got excited ♡

3. Last text message “Your twitch verification code is:” (i know. RIVETING)

18. Met someone who changed you Oh that is a HARD one uhh... I’m gonna go with my first roommate? We met as we both moved in, immediately hit it off. Turns out we were also doing the same course! So here i am, having just moved to a different country, not knowing a soul, and i’ve made a friend. This is my friend. My safety.

Until it turned out she was a chronic liar who tried to stab me in the back in the end and cheat me out of the deposit. That was a lovely thing to find out. It taught me where my boundaries lie and who i am when someone betrays my trust. It thankfully has RARELY happened, but it did harden me just a little

21. What did you do for your last Birthday I don’t really remember? We went for dinner im pretty sure. I just wanted a quiet day, literally ANYTHING beat my birthday last year lmao (i got fucking gallstones last year). So just a chill day, i was at work im pretty sure, and then in the weekend i had dinner with family!

22. What time did you wake up today Around 9 😊

23. Name something you CANNOT wait for REN FAIRE!!! Do i have one planned yet? Nope. Do i have an outfit? HAH. BUT I WANNA GOOOOOO

25. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life More success in the theatre and novel industries i suppose, and maybe that i were still living in the UK. But im currently in a comfortable position, surrounded by family i love, and with a stable income, and quite frankly, that’s a better outcome than staying in the UK with its horrific economy and gas and electric bills would’ve given. I’m happy with what i currently have.

Tho i will absolutely try and write and direct some plays and maybe finish my fucking novel for once bc i do very much want that

40. Do you have a crush on someone Not really? I’m pretty gay for a close friend of mine but like. I’m also kinda aro and as they call it demisexual, so crushes are a rare thing

51. I’m about to Still calling a friend atm! But after that go to bed probably, it’s midnight here lmao

73. Fallen for a friend See 40, but also, i did get brief and quick crushes when i was younger and that was always for a friend!

86. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For For all my friends and loved ones to be healthy, happy, and within quick, cheap and easy reach 💖

.

Thank you for asking these, these were all very fun!! And don’t worry about sending me a shit-tonne lmao 💖💖

Feel free to send more of these!

[hoonvrs]

hi saint! about that one anon ask

this just shows we should stop calling them idols and use artists instead

because they’re not, they’re human beings who make mistakes and in the best scenarios own up to them and don’t do them again

and while i, as an ultimate pacifist, wouldn’t really use insults as a solution, i truly understand why they are used, because it is very much disappointing to see anybody, knowingly or not, support the genocide that is happening in gaza, not even just disappointed but angry and sad, since innocent lives are taken by the money they spent either to sip on their frappuccino or eat their big macs

this whole thing with jake would be much better if those who decided to throw insults as well as those who bashed them for so would just use the situation to idk spread even more awareness?? and share some ways to actually help?? as much as boycotting is important sending, for example, humanitarian help is i think a little bit more urgent

still, i hope his apology will somehow change something, after all, it’s the first time anybody in kpop actually apologised and didn’t just wait for their company to do something or simply delete the post, that's an improvement

tbh when i thought about it i was kinda impressed since they can’t really engage in anything that is even slightly political or controversial so him saying sorry is somewhat of a statement, which is sad but we all know what the kpop industry is (one big piece of shit ❤️)

it’s sad what happened under op’s post, truly shows what views and morals some engenes have

damn that’s long hope everything makes sense :’)

hi joojoo

calling them artists instead is totally valid but would be hard since they themselves call themselves idols so it’s basically become their occupation name

don’t get me wrong i am completely against war and violence but i am also with it when it comes down to you can’t do anything but use violence because it’s the only way people will listen to you.

the people have every right to be angry and express that anger because this isn’t a little situation and it’s more shocking to not know what’s going on instead of knowing. also let’s not forget the person called jake stupid for doing something stupid, they weren’t being aggressive or bashing him they literally called it for what it is

now if they said something outta pocket i’d be like okay fairs that’s too far but trust me nobody will sob and cry over being called stupid or an idiot especially not a 21 year old grown ass man

these people have been using their accounts nonstop AND STILL ARE to spread awareness but just because they COULD use this opportunity to spread more awareness doesn’t mean we completely invalidate their hurt and anger. are we also forgetting this is done online?? it’s literally twitter where i’ve seen worse shit then someone calling their fave an idiot like when did people become so sensitive and defensive over a man who doesn’t even know your first name

icl i was genuinely surprised myself at how quick he responded esp under a post where gaza and genocide where explicitly mentioned so there was no room for that and kudos to him and i also get that it’s such a big step up and improvement in that fuck ass industry but i’m not about to praise someone to the ends of the earth for being a decent human and not supporting the death of innocent civilians

i really hope he does learn and educate himself because it’s no one’s responsibility but his own and hopefully prepress more carefully with what he indulged in and what he shows to his viewers

[writermuses]

Life Update | 📌 Post | Updated 2 August

Hello writers! I'm Natty (35, she/her) and welcome to my OC multi-muse/multi-verse indie RP blog. I am selective and slow to reply. There will be crime, smut, and other triggering content on this blog, but I use "trigger tw" and "smut" for tags fairly consistently. Nevertheless, I will not interact with writers, muses, or faceclaims under 21. Thank you in advance for being patient with me. Here are my rules:

My opens are open forever! If you reply to an old legacy starter, I'll reply in the new (beta) editor. Alternatively, you can make a new post and @ me with a 'continued from here' link. Either way, this blog is NEW EDITOR ONLY! Threads with problematic fcs, anyone under 21 people, or posts in legacy will be dropped. However, I'm not typically bothered by what you write with other people and we don't kink shame. I only ask you talk to me before trying something wild in a reply.

Do not reblog/like the musings unless I tagged you on the post. If you want to use a musing, then you can reblog from the source. If there’s no source linked then copy the image URL. If you’re not the @ and you're in my notifs, I will block you.

My replies will be slow. Therefore, do not post more than 2 replies to me per day. This is supposed to be fun and my escape from my career and deteriorating health. Some days off work I just need to rest physically and mentally. I'm mostly just a weekend writer.

I will drop threads with writers that use me for my males. Whether that's you picking up a bunch of my guys and one girl or repeatedly replying to my male opens while letting my female threads go unreplied for months/until they hit the 2 month drop point. I'll ghost you for that shit so quick. I do also try to pair a male and female reply for each writer as I cycle through what I owe to keep it balanced. If you only want a guy, we can have just the one thread. Be honest about it or leave because this isn't the blog for you.

I have severe anxiety and work insane hours. I’ll write what I can, when I can, as the muse for a reply hits on the weekends, but I also have to acknowledge that I have a lot of threads and giant replies stress me out and are not fair to the other writers, so they aren’t going to take priority and may be dropped. Thank you for understanding, especially those of you that tell me it’s okay to not to match length. If a reply hits 2 months I will assume you dropped it, no messaging needed.

Formatting: Cut your posts! Also, I prefer small font and medium or icon gifs, and only reply to reblogs using the new editor. If you only have large gifs or no gifs of your faceclaim, it's okay to not use gifs in your replies. Put the gif at the bottom of your reply. I will not match over the top formatting and will drop a thread if your aesthetics supersede quality writing.

Replies: I ask that you move the plot forward in your reply. If you repeatedly insta-reply and aren't moving the plot anywhere, I'm going to lose interest and drop the thread. Rate and order of replies does not equate to interest in a thread. If you're stuck, do a time jump or wait to reply. You've got 2 months before I will assume you dropped the thread.

Be well + Be kind 💙 Natty

Rules . Muse List . Starters . Tracker . Musings

[defjux]

100 of my favorite Hip Hop Albums of 2022 Might be excessive but there was simply just a ton of music this year that I enjoyed and found myself going back to, and I believe each of them is worth checking out.  Each of the album titles here also links to either a bandcamp page or stream where you can listen to the project. Hopefully you’ll at least find one new album that you enjoy here, and as always feel free to reply with what you enjoyed and connected with the most this year. I’d love to know, and any other recommendations are definitely appreciated. This was an incredible year for new releases, not just for hip hop but for music in general which is why i’ll be posting another top 100 list for all of the non hip hop stuff I enjoyed from this year, hopefully in the next few days.  Peace. Chart w/ titles included 2022 Hip Hop Spotify Playlist 1. Billy Woods & Preservation - Aethiopes 2. Avantdale Bowling Club - TREES 3. Cities Aviv - Working Title For The Album Secret Waters 4. MIKE - Beware of the Monkey 5. ELUCID - I Told Bessie 6. AKAI SOLO - Spirit Roaming 7. Teddy Faley - Teddy Brown Brown 8. Defcee & BoatHouse - For All Debts Public and Private [IMPORT EDITION] 9. Ka - Woeful Studies / Languish Arts 10. J.I.D - The Forever Story 11. Open Mike Eagle - Component System with the Auto Reverse 12. billy woods x Messiah Musik - Church 13. Danger Mouse & Black Thought - Cheat Codes 14. ShrapKnel - Metal Lung 15. SolarFive & Iceberg Theory - Momento Mori 16. Moor Mother - Jazz Codes 17. Serengeti & Child Actor - Ajai 2 18. Infinity Knives & Brian Ennals - King Cobra 19. Joshua Virtue - RAMA 20. Zilla Rocca & andrew - Don't Wait For Me to Leave 21. Fly Anakin - Frank 22. Cities Aviv - MAN PLAYS THE HORN 23. KILLVONGARD - I Think I've Lost It. 24. R.A.P. Ferreira - 5 to the Eye with Stars 25. Illogic - The Transition 26. Quelle Chris - DEATHFAME 27. Bloodmoney Perez - Curses 28. Fatboi Sharif & Noface - Preaching In Havana 29. Ockham's Blazer - Ockham's Blazer 30. Little Simz - NO THANK YOU 31. Theravada - Strange Voice 32. amani & robalu - I'll Be Right Black 33. Jam Baxter – Fetch The Poison 34. OKnice - Have You Tried Being Happy? 35. Davis & Foule Monk - Plum Whisky

36. Noveliss - Vagabond 37. SHIRT & Jack Splash - I Turned Myself Into Myself 38. Moses Rockwell - Until You Run out of Cake 39. Ja'king the Divine - 手术: BLACK SUN TZU 40. Archibald SLIM - Worldly Ways 41. NNAMDÏ - Please Have A Seat 42. YUNGMORPHEUS & Theravada - Up Against the Wall; a Degree of Lunacy 43. Roc Marciano & The Alchemist - The Elephant Man's Bones 44. Nas - King's Disease III 45. Lord Kayso - MOOR CHORES 46. Ace Cannons & MIGHTYHEALTHY - Mightycannons 47. Rich Jones & Iceberg Theory - Smoke Detector 48. Lukah - Raw Extractions 49. Nicholas Craven & Boldy James - Fair Exchange No Robbery 50. Ghais Guevara - There Will Be No Super-Slave 51. Lupe Fiasco - DRILL MUSIC IN ZION 52. Milc & Televangel - Neutral Milc Motel 53. ILL Conscious x Mute Won - Acres of Diamonds 54. L'Orange & Solemn Brigham - Marlowe 3 55. $ilkMoney - I Don't Give a Fuck About This Rap Shit 56. Teller Bank$ & Ed Glorious - The I & I 57. Wiki & Subjxct 5 - Cold Cuts 58. Love, Ulysses - 61​,​265​,​147 59. Vic Spencer & August Fanon - Psychological Cheat Sheet 3 60. Stik Figa x August Fanon - Heresy 61. Raz Fresco & Nicholas Craven - Boulangerie 62. QThree - U Be Ight 63. Wrecking Crew - Sedale Threat 64. eLZhi & Georgia Anne Muldrow - Zhigeist 65. Apollo Brown & Philmore Greene - Cost of Living 66. miles cooke - i used to feel things 67. Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire - I Love Y.O.U cuz Y.O.U Ugly Vol.1 68. demahjiae - Angels Wear Black 69. AJ Suede & Televangel - Metatron's Cube 70. Sacco & Vanzetti - It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You 71. Mavi - Laughing so Hard, it Hurts 72. Rhys Langston - Grapefruit Radio 73. Steel Tipped Dove & Aloe Vera - Days Pass Strange 74. PENPALS - Dimensions of Dialogue 75. Malachi. Whitman - Happy Place 76. Denzel Curry - Melt My Eyez See Your Future (Extended) 77. Lungs/LoneSword, Phiik & Cise Greeny - Where Are The Bugs!? 78. Pink Siifu & Real Bad Man - Real Bad Flights 79. Andrew - The Rain Knows What It's Doing 80. Mattic & Parental - Down In The Rabbit Hole 81. Boldy James & Futurewave - Mr. Ten08 82. Ransom & V Don - Chaos Is My Ladder 83. Torito & Small Professor - Soiled 84. Jermiside & The Expert - The Overview Effect 85. big kahuna og & graymatter - METAL GEAR SOLID 86. Duncecap & Hajino - Go Climb A Tree 87. Earl Sweatshirt - Sick! 88. Deca - Smoking Gun 89. Freddie Gibbs - Soul Sold Separately 90. Mickey Diamond & Big Ghost Ltd - Gucci Ghost 91. Rome Streetz - KISS THE RING 92. Redveil - learn 2 swim 93. Daniel Son - The Bush Doctor 94. Dälek - Precipice 95. Jesse the Tree - Pigeon Man 96. Jason Griff - Fireside Chats 2 97. Benny the Butcher - Tana Talk 4 98. Killah Priest - Mother 99. Lord jaH-Monte Ogbon & Sadhugold - The Black Möbius 100. Kipp Stone - Room 109

[wilhelmsbee]

hello lemonbee community. today I have a theory:

I Have More Happy (long) Edits Than Sad Ones

how do I plan on testing this? simple. I will watch all my edits over one minute long, oldest to newest, then tell you their (basic) story, and if they're sad or not.

im doing this one at a time, hypothesis before conclusion so if im wrong then damn

Rainbow, dodie (posted 27/07/21) wilhelm accepting his sexuality! song is very bittersweet and the edit follows this too, but because we end on a sad note its classed as sad!

Trying, cavetown (posted 21/08/21) wilhelm trying to balance his relationship with being royal & his upbringing. sad, sad song. this edit is classed as sad!

Liability, Lorde (posted 07/10/2021) crown prince liability. there's not much more to add, he's so sad in s1 etc. this edit is classed as sad! (girl help my hypothesis)

White Ferrari, Frank Ocean 16/11/2021) white ferrari number one! despite the sad vibes this is actually like imagine if they worked it out in s1 and they stayed happy, so this edit is classed as happy!

Burned Out, dodie (posted 26/11/2021) first edit to be barely over one minute!! this is about how everyone Wilhelm loves leaves him. um. this edit is sad!

All Too Well, Taylor Swift (posted 28/11/2021) what was I going through this week. First dual pov edit here! it's all reminiscing and yearning from both parties. this edit is classed as sad!

Supercut, Lorde (posted 04/12/2021) this edit is an entire summary of season 1, the whole story. it's a good premise and I honestly love the way I did it (the editing is bad but still). however there's no other classification for this edit possible except sad!

The Last Time, Taylor Swift (posted 08/12/2021) Simon & Wille split POV, begging each the other to love them right and not leave. this edit is my equivalent of making a doomed yaoi. sad!

Stoned at the Nail Salon, Lorde (posted 12/01/2022) Wilhelm realising he can't be queer and royal and just trying to accept his life will be shit forever. Aren't I a beacon of sunshine. this edit is sad!

Novels, Rusty Clanton (posted 14/02/2022) Wilmon and their fight to stay together vs the fact they just can't. it's just a display of what could've been vs what it is. this edit is sad!

The Good Side, Troye Sivan (posted 17/02/2022) this edit is 1:01 long, but it counts unfortunately. it's about Wilhelm recognising that he got off far easier than Simon after the video dropped, while also acknowledging he didn't really get the better outcome by being forced into the closet and losing the love of his life. who's surprised by this one: sad!

All Too Well (10MV), Taylor Swift (posted 21/03/2022) Simon truly was fighting for his life to be allowed to love Wilhelm, and he just wanted to feel loved back. This edit is sad!

Wildest Dreams, Taylor Swift (posted 08/04/2022) Simon turning the good memories into a movie and trying to pretend that the bad ones simply didn't happen, or at least that Wilhelm won't remember them. He's yearning, but he's also over Wilhelm's shit. This edit is sad!

Paul, cover by cavetown (posted 16/04/2022) Wilhelm yearning and pining for Simon and knowing that it's not fair to him if they date each other. he regrets the breakup but its the right thing to do. heartbreak ensues. This edit is sad!

Place In Me, Luke Hemmings (posted 26/05/2022) Wilhelm missing Simon, so so bad. this actually made me nauseous to rewatch im so sad why did I make this. this edit is sad!

Talia, King Princess (posted 10/06/2022) Wilhelm missing Simon and doing anything (derogatory) to remember it era! its so fun watching him destroy himself because he misses Simon! this edit is honestly so well done but more importantly it is sad!

Mine, Taylor Swift (posted 25/06/2022) Simon loves his boyfriend so bad oh they're so in love. Reminiscing on how bad things have happened but they worked through it and they're better now (it's an AU because s1 only) this edit is happy!

Waiting Room, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 12/07/2022) Wilhelm caving to the peer pressure of his role and his expectations and ruining the only thing he loves in his life because everyone tells him it's better than if he doesn't do that. This edit is sad!

...Ready For It?, Taylor Swift (posted 23/07/2022) Bad Bitch Boyfriends! It's almost like a s1 summary but not really it's just showing how hot and in love they are. it was the one year to my editing account edit also!!! Anyway despite some negative bits this edit is happy!

White, Odd Future (posted 13/08/2022) I had to discuss this one w my flatmate because I couldn't place it. It's like nostalgia and reminiscing and watching life back on your tv but I think overall it's more sad than happy so unfortunately it is sad!

the lakes, Taylor Swift (posted 14/09/2022) Wilhelm loves his boyfriend so bad. he would quite like to actually give up everything in his life and just live with him if given a chance. this edit is so fucking cute ouh.. this edit is happy!

Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 10/10/2022) Simon yearning and pining while also coming to terms with the fact Wilhelm wasn't good for him at all and he did the right thing by leaving him. my man loves to wish he didn't care about himself in that moment. save him etc... btw this edit is sad!

Sweet Nothing, Taylor Swift (posted 16/11/2022) sweet nothing number 1 also first long s2 edit! Anyway. Wilhelm has been through so much. ALL he wants to do is love his boyfriend and they make him do so much... this edit is just Wilhelm being thankful for Simons existence which is so real :( this edit is happy!

No Big Deal (I Love You), dodie (posted 22/12/2022) They are so in love. they love each other no matter what. that's actually all they know how to do!!! it's not possible for them to be any other way. this edit is happy!

White Ferrari, Frank Ocean (posted 24/01/2023) white ferrari number two! Despite the sad outro compared to the last one, this edit is another look how far we've come type of vibe. Objectively it doesn't happen in chronological order like the last one. Wilhelm dreaming and remembering things is like blended in with the actual fact they're together forever. She's bittersweet for sure but she's still happy!

Chinese Satellite, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 07/03/2023) this edit is so fun imagine an edit where Simon missed Wilhelm and then imagine one where Wilhelm misses Simon and then make it one edit. there's twice the yearning and twice the agony! this edit is sad.

dorothea, Taylor Swift (posted 06/04/2023) Simon missing Wilhelm. It's just one sided yearning, Simon wondering if Wilhelm misses him, if he even fully remembers how good it was, if he'd ever come back... all because he thinks it's one sided, and that's because I'm cruel and have made it one sided. this edit is sad!

'tis the damn season, Taylor Swift (posted 11/04/2023) Wilhelm missing Simon, them briefly getting back together for valentines day (tis the damn season and whatnot!) then not staying together. it's like imagine the worst timeline for season 2, that's what it is. another one sided cruel edit (they're connected edits) and this one is sad!

Demi Moore, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 11/05/2023) Wilhelm realising he can't actually be straight, or really he can't be without Simon and just fully running to him like a life raft. His life gets exponentially better afterwards! This edit is happy!

Somebody Else, The 1975 (posted 12/06/2023) Simon does NOT want Wilhelm to move on, and especially not with Felice bc that's Wilhelm's bestie also Simon's mutual. Yes Simon can move on, no Wilhelm cannot, them's the rules. Very bad time. Is Simon Jealous... Welllllll perhaps! This edit is sad!

Back To December, Taylor Swift (posted 05/08/2023) This one is a hard one, it's (mostly) Wille POV regretting his mistakes and apologising, with some Simon regret sprinkled in. The end of the edit is when Wilhelm officially apologised and said he'd step down if Simon wanted it. Despite the fact it's got some big hopeful moments, I fear this is just too sad to be salvaged by that. This edit is sad!

Last Kiss, Taylor Swift (posted 06/09/2023) Wilhelm missing Simon, Wilhelm regretting dating Simon, Me sobbing in the corner. Why did I end it on the scene I did? I don't know. This edit has it all! It's sad!

Lover, Taylor Swift (posted 22/09/2023) This edit works as a stand in for the fact Crown Prince Wilhelm, at the ripe age of 16, cannot get married to his boyfriend. God knows the only thing stopping him is that he literally can't. This edit is happy!

It's Nice To Have A Friend, Taylor Swift (posted 19/10/2023) Sometimes your support system isn't even your therapist. Sometimes it's your soulmate boyfriend that your family hate! Yet again, Wilhelm would like to be married but can't be. a shame. this edit is happy!

You're Losing Me, Taylor Swift (posted 10/12/2023) why are we in taylorgate rn Anyway... This edit is about how they're never gonna work and why did they ever think they were gonna work. they've got every obstacle and to be honest it isn't worth the mental strain to stay together! they still want to be together though, something about being in love. This edit is very sad!

...What Are We?, Lizzy McAlpine (posted 11/01/2024) Wilhelm likes to believe he will do absolutely anything to stay with Simon, but also is fully aware that he's the problem. These are considered conflicting beliefs, because they are. This edit is sad!

I, Carrion, Hozier (posted 17/01/2024) it's italicised bc there's a comma in the title ok Anyway. Wilhelm wants to take everything from Simon's life that is evil, and blow it up. He will do anything, he's a supportive man! If they flop, he's going down with his boyfriend! He acknowledges his faults and is still like I'll do anything for my man. he's so real for that! This edit is happy.

Daylight, Taylor Swift (posted 11/03/2023) Wilhelm has been saved by dating Simon. That's his soulmate. Simon has finally found good things in his life by dating Wilhelm. That's his soulmate. They're 4lifers! This edit is happy!

It'll All Work Out, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 05/04/2024) first long edit of s3! Wilhelm deciding, quite bravely, that Simon is better off without him. Does he hate this decision? Yes. He's self-sacrificing for his man and sometimes that's the best thing you can do. This edit is sad!

White Ferrari, Frank Ocean (posted 18/04/2024) third and final white ferrari! Much like the other two, lots of sad elements but it's showing their growth, it shows their love, how they bend and change for each other. They're in love forever guys I swear. This edit is happy!

Sweet Nothing, Taylor Swift (posted 29/04/2024) sweet nothing number two! Wilhelm and Simon rely on each other similar to how the tide relies on the moon or the earth relies on the sun like they're inseparable and almost insufferable with their love! This edit is happy!

So Long, London, Taylor Swift (posted 16/05/2024) Simon gave everything to the point of losing his whole sense of self to Wilhelm just to realise that there was actually no way they could make it work in that state and there was nothing Simon could do to make them be better. This edit is sad!

How Did It End?, Taylor Swift (posted 21/06/2024) This edit is so, so fucked up. They're both grasping at straws for how on earth their relationship ended despite knowing full well it wasn't good for either of them like 90% of the time. It's a sad desperation for sure. This edit is sad!

peace, Taylor Swift (posted 14/07/2024) Wilhelm doing everything in his power to be as good as Simon and knowing he can't really be the perfect boyfriend and just hoping everything he does shows how much he tries. He's so in love! This edit is happy!

CONCLUSION! 29 Sad Edits, 15 Happy Edits. I owe my flatmate a dollar. I was so wrong.

[saintsenara]

10, 16, 21? :)

Not on the list, but I’m curious if there’s any ship or character that you liked at one time, but no longer like, or at least now avoid, due to their fandom characterization?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

the answer to the final question is that i'll try most things, and that while i dislike a lot of popular fanon characterisation - especially of sirus - it doesn't put me off reading e.g. wolfstar if it's recommended to me by someone whose opinion i trust.

but. it's fair to say that i avoid most things which feature hermione prominently. she's by far my least favourite main character in canon, but i can at least value that she's an extremely morally complicated person. but fanon hermione, who has never done anything wrong in her life, sends me running in the opposite direction.

10. what is the worst part of fanon?

weasley bashing, especially in relation to ron.

so often ron is turned into either a sentient potato who can do nothing but eat or a violent boor who can’t wait to say mudblood and beat hermione up for wanting to be something than a housewife (or sometimes, if the author’s feeling indecisive, both).

but ron is a legend. he’s emotionally mature, kind, funny, loyal, rational, an excellent strategist, and a fully-realised human being who fucks up and then tries to make amends. his love for harry and hermione is astonishing, neither of them would be alive without him, and he deserves more respect.

the same is true of his family - especially molly, who gets a really bad showing in so much fan-fiction [my unpopular opinion? she’s right to tell sirius off! good for her for being the only adult in the series who doesn’t automatically accept the idea that children eventually having to fight is a good or inevitable thing!]. the weasleys are iconic and harry would be nowhere without them, and fics which jettison them as soon as possible so harry can become friends with someone richer need to tighten up.

16. what is a trope, characterisation, headcanon etc. that you can’t understand why people like?

preternaturally suave fanon snape.

in the grand scheme of things, i blame the films for this [my other unpopular opinion? alan rickman had no idea how to play snape! sue me!], but it’s something which has really found its way into snape-centric romance stuff in fan-fic. i’m sure some people must really like the idea of snape being brooding and hot and an attentive, chivalrous partner who sends flowers daily just because - to each their own - but i prefer my snape feral and grimy.

[i also really don’t like the fact that suave snape is usually presented with a caveat that he’s actually hot and harry was just being a dick - i’m sure harry’s description of snape isn’t particularly kind, but also unattractive, weird men are just as deserving of love as gorgeous ones. let snape be ugly and fuck.]

21. what part of canon do you think is overhyped?

i literally don't give a shit about hedwig dying. oops.

[zalrb]

Bridgerton 3.05 Review

"It's just, we've known Penelope for all these years and now she'll be my sister!" No one has questions??

Youngest Mouse Man brother sounds like Daniel Radcliff.

You didn't know she had feelings for Colin? You were best friends? And I feel like she wasn't subtle??

This is supposed to be a heart-wrenching moment between Eloise and Penelope and I do not care.

I still want Edwina to come and massacre them all.

Hey, Kate, where is your sister?

How is that man not the oldest of the Mouse Man Brothers?

Oh my god the Bridgerton family is BORING.

Idk Eloise and whatsherface Mean Girl girl should have a romance. It'd be interesting.

I mean, Penelope's mother is right to be cautious. One Bridgerton brother JUST jilted the sister of his wife. They're fickle af.

Colin standing up for Penelope is supposed to be this Moment but the acting is not good.

AND HE TURNS HER TO THE MIRROR SO SHE CAN SEE HERSELF AS HE COMPLIMENTS HER IN A WAY FOR HER TO GAIN CONFIDENCE. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not fair, but if we're doing this

I'm just going to think of when Jamie described Claire's hair

14. Jesus Christ, Nicola's back must be TIRED. She's doing the best she can because dude is dead in the face.

15. *cries* she needs a better scene partner.

16. So, does every Bridgerton pairing have the "We should stop" "Do not stop" moment, then? No variations?

17. She's moaning, she's panting and he's just ....

18. This mirror scene should either be sensual or hot and instead it's mechanical.

19. Yes, yes, naked vulnerability, he strips for her, so they can see each other and just be bare together, *cries* you need chemistry for this.

20. I also feel like Penelope covering her breasts undercuts the scene? Like we don't have to see them, they can do different cuts and angles to let us know that she's naked without us having to see it or they have to have some dialogue about not being shy or embarrassed etc. etc.

21. "Tell me what to do." I mean he couldn't be, like, kissing her neck and she asks that breathlessly and then they pull away and have this conversation?

22. I just ... for a show that's supposed to be spicy and romantic, it's pretty clinical.

23. Jesus Christ, I'm not even 20 minutes in?

24. Even when he says "Not there. Not yet." He could SOUND like he's struggling?

25. I just feel like Colin going slow and Penelope not having experience and him checking in with her and making her comfortable and explaining that sex may hurt etc. doesn't mean the scene has to be devoid of heat or passion or gentle sensuality in terms of tone.

26. I'm slightly surprised he didn't go down on her, though, that's like a staple? And it's usually before penetrative sex. Interesting.

27. "I'm very happy. Who gives a SHIT about my sister."

28. "But Colin..." I mean to be fair, Eloise, he discovered this like five minutes ago.

29. "I would much rather go off riding" the two NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS.

30. "Do I look a mess?" No, he did not blow your back out.

31. "What did you wish to tell me?" that it is I, LADY WHISTLEDOWN.

32. Wow, he is not a good actor.

33. "All she had to do to get him to marry her is be herself" and emotionally blackmail him for a kiss.

34. I know they need to keep up appearances for the sake of propriety but considering that they just had sex, Penelope for the first time, I would've expected some secret smiles and lingering gazes. Like FNL was really good at showing giddiness even with just shots of feet

35. Cressida, that's right.

36. "We should tell them tonight." "I thought you wanted to wait" since when were either of you considerate of other people? Please.

37. This show should be so much more fun.

[b4ry0nyx]

this is a random vent

a while back my dog randomly attacked my cat. i loved them both so much. basically my cat was on the counter and i was warming up some food. my dog was on the floor waiting for the food cos he thought i’d give him some. i pushed my cat away from the food and he jumped off the counter then my dog just started attacking him. it happened so suddenly and it was so unexpected. i tried so hard to get him off but my dog was a staffy so he had that death grip. my brother was also with me he was screaming and panicking, i was panicking tryna get my cat out of my dogs mouth. honestly that was really traumatising. that was my childhood cat yk idk. that whole event. it’s hard to explain how traumatising it was but yeah. my cat ended up not surviving. we kept my dog. then on february 21 my dog attacked my brother. my brother is fine but it was really bad. i was getting ready in the other room then me and my mum heard my brother screaming. i had to pull my dog off my brothers arm. the thing is he wasn’t aggressive at all he would coddle all the time. he loved us all. and he used to sleep in my bed so idk the explanation for these 2 events.

anyways i’m not sure if i have some sort of ptsd from these and i’m not sure if my feelings are valid. the worst thing is how attached i was to my dog. i loved him so much. he was literally the centre of my life i devoted all my time to him he’s all i cared about and now he’s gone. we had to give him away immediately so he was in a shelter for a bit. that sucked but i thought i might be able to seehim one day cos i thought he was getting rehomed but i found out that he got put down on march 1st. i didn’t even get to say good bye yk.

so yeah i just feel so shit about everything. idk what was up with him. and it’s not like i had control over what happened in both cases. i don’t blame him at all cos i love him. i miss him everyday. it sucks cos i do get really bad flashbacks to the events whenever i see slightly aggressive behaviour in animals or when i hear people scream. even that one scene in jurassic park lost world when the guy was getting attacked by complies that’s really triggering for some reason. i’m not sure if it’s valid to have trauma from those experiences or not. also i miss him so much even after what happened, i mean that dog was my life,i lived for him yk? idk i just feel kinda empty and so alone without him.

anyways this was a very long random vent i just dumped a bunch of info for no reason. i can’t really talk to anyone about it cos i don’t open up to people and i hate being vulnerable. i can kinda talk to my bf abt it cos when my dog attacked my brother i was getting ready to go meet up with him and the attack happened 2 mins before we was gonna leave so my bf had to meet me at the hospital so he knows abt it but i don’t wanna talk abt it. also he just got a puppy and i don’t wanna bring the mood down yk

it’s also really hard to live with these memories. like i feel like i’ve experienced my fair share of terrible stuff but this hurrrtttss bro. it’s so much harder to exist. these memories are 😬😬. i think my anxiety has gotten worse as well. idk bruh, pretty shit situation. i just wanna know if my feelings are valid also apologies if i didn’t explain this very well.

so i don’t think anyone will actually read this shit but yeah :)

[leeahqueen]

The Remaining Dust Trio (CER-01)

CER-01

Human physiological conditions dictate that such an environment is not suitable for them to survive here, but correspondingly, this is also a paradise for certain lives.

------

Noctis: 21, can you also use a little force?

Noctis: Are those two claws of yours just for decoration?

No.21: No.21 is already pushed it. If I use more force, the car will be scratched.

No.21: But I feel like Noctis would be fine if he pushed it himself.

No.21: From till now, it was Noctis who was exerting his strength.

Noctis: Hey! You…

Vera: No.21, you push a little harder.

Vera: In another ten minutes, you will be holding the steering wheel in the car.

Noctis: What about me? That’s not fair at all!

Vera: Didn’t you just get out of the car? What are you thinking about?

Vera: With your steering wheel skills, I might as well put a wooden stake on the driver’s seat.

The weather was very sunny, even too sunny, and the sun shone unbridled on hundreds of kilometers of deserted gravel, meadows, and asphalt roads.

Human physiological conditions dictate that such an environment is not suitable for them to survive here, but correspondingly, this is also a paradise for certain lives.

Such as lizards, blue sheep, hares, wolves, and vultures in the sky.

--And the Cerberus pushing a car on an endless road.

Noctis: I said, so what exactly is the mission?

Noctis: It makes me so suspicious, what kind of mission must we do in such a place where ‘birds’ don’t shit?

Vera: Little did I know that the sick and generous commandant just told us to go to the predetermined coordinates.

Vera: It would be nice if I didn’t put you in solitary confinement because of the trouble we caused last time.

Noctis: Ugh…

No.21: Captain, a communication has been received.

Vera: Is there a signal?

Vera let go of the hand on the cart, turned over and sat next to No.21 on the roof of the car, and took the communication device from No.21’s hand.

Noctis, who suddenly lost power, almost stumbled and fell under the car.

Noctis: [Beep] [Beep] –

Vera: Stop making noise!

Vera gestured to Noctis, who was sitting cross-legged angrily on the ground, to tell him to be quiet. Then she stood on the hood of the car, holding the communicator in the air, trying to make the communication signal clearer.

This vast, desolate, and barren no-man’s land has almost always been a radio blind spot. There are only a few opportunities to communicate with Babylonia every day and each communication window is only for a few minutes.

Communication device: [Sizzling Sizzling] …

Vera: Why is the signal so bad…

Communication device: [Sizzling Sizzling] … -Ve …

Communication device: Vera…

Vera: Hello?

Communication device: Northwest… Wagon…

No.21: We are now in… which direction is this?

Vera: Twenty-four degrees west by the starting point, on Highway 77.

Communication device: Must… medicine… serum… you…

Noctis: Why do we need these things? I didn’t even see anyone along the way.

Communication device: Non… component… also illegal… You… [Sizzling] … question…

Communication device: You guys… solve it yourself.

The voice in the communication device turned into a monotonous rustling sound again.

Noctis: What do you mean? What do you mean we are… illegal?

Noctis: Could it be that the higher-ups found that you were hiding something?

Vera: Those parts and serum…

Noctis: Enough fooling!

Vera: Just relying on the supplies sent from above will not be able to fill the hole for you to deal with the aftermath. I heard there were quite a few people lining up at the court-martial waiting to give you a hard time.

Vera: How about I stop doing this next time? Can you still laugh?

No.21: No.21 thinks…it shouldn’t be this.

No.21: When I received the communication just now, the type of message header was ‘Task Assignment Instruction’.

Vera: Maybe it’s about this mission.

Noctis: What about the direction? Is the direction correct?

Vera: Didn’t I say northwest? We are also northwest of the starting point.

Noctis: How far do we have to push it?

Vera: There is a rest area five kilometers ahead on the map.

Noctis: FIVE! KILO! METERS!

Vera: Push it quickly.

Vera threw the communication to No.21, jumped out of the car, and stood next to Noctis, kicking him to signal him to get up and continue pushing the cart.

No.21 was like before, gently humming an unknown tune and sitting on the roof of the car.

Noctis: Hey, 21, why don’t you go inside the car and hold the steering wheel?

No.21: Because I tied the steering wheel with straps.

No.21: This way the car drives in a straighter line than Noctis.

Read next: CER-01 | CER-02

Note: As we all know, Noctis calls No.21 "Sanqi" in Cn/Tw. Meaning, san=3 qi=7. So, 3 x 7 = 21. So here ill use '21' instead of 37 to avoid confusion.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Kisses In the Dark-A PodPlay- Kinda. Day 6 of Exploring Con Content

Spoilers for Kisses in The Dark

Warnings up to chapter 5: Abuse, stalking, murder, eating/slurping up humans, nonconsensual kissing(it's how he kills people), cheating, implied/brief sex scenes, brief mentions of a past abortion. 

I HAD SO MANY ISSUES TRYING TO LISTEN TO THIS. Chapters 1-4 worked fine. However, with chapter 5 I could not listen past the 5:46 minute mark. 'All right' I thought, after trying to find other sites streaming it and getting the same error 'I'll just skip the chapter'. So I did, and at 5:21 of chapter 6, it also flashed that error.

So what I have below is essentially judging chapters 1-4. I had complaints about the narrative and romance progression, but since I can't see their whole arc, this will be about vibes.

So for this 8ish hour multi voiced audio series, the main love interest is voiced by Con O'Niell, named John. Opposite to the love interest voiced by Rhiannon Clements, Kate. 

My favorite things before we get deeper is the notable roles for Con O'Neill listed on the summary is Chernobyl(fair, as you'd likely recognize his voice) and The Batman. This came out Nov. 2020. The Batman came out 2022. So whoever wrote up this summary for the book Googled Cons IMDB, saw that he was in this movie, prayed that someone would care, and just slapped that on. Not knowing Con was mostly in the background and had less than 20 lines of dialogue. But can you imagine your only reference for the romantic lead of this story being the asshole from Chernobyl. Funniest shit ever. He had so many other roles to choose from guys! Maybe they didn't want his more queer roles to be listed for a straight romance? 

Now, I have a bias to favor Queer stories; I know this about myself and often try to stay to my own lane. Not out of hatred but so much of the media that I consume isn't queer. Be it movies or day time television. So what I read/listen to is one of the easiest spaces to curate exactly what I want.

So when I read the title/synopsis I was skeptical, but willing to give it a shot. 

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I am here for Con. I likely would not have listened to this project if not for him. In fact, I found John much more charming than I would have if John had been played by a different voice actor. Considering I was essentially just imagining a more pissed-off Izzy Hands being our protagonist. It's a real'if I didn't find this man hot, this would be creepy' situation.

This story is about a broken old Lovecraftian monster of a man who falls for the lady next door who's stuck in an abusive relationship. I realize that if either party swapped gender, or our male protagonist showed interest in men(beyond wanting to eat them), I know that I would have enjoyed this more. Because this is a standard romantic horror book, almost every cliché is touched and I predicted the twist that some people post online about. Yet there is something inherently queer in monster stories. Creatures that feel othered by society; that need to hide to be safe. So while yeah, it's a romantic novel, it still has some othered element to it. 

Overall I didn't hate it as much as I'd expected. I admire how each murder was described and Con adds a fun disassociated element to the character in his narration. Like he's been killing for so long, nothing phases him. The chapter where he kills five guys at the amusement park, Bloody Minds, was a highlight.

The romantic moments were sweet(that I could hear). The dancing and trying to show her the fun parts of life were very much trying to relate to the target audience. 

Again, I don't know exactly how it ends but see the story beats. If anyone below wants to summaries the story that tells me where these two end up in the end (together, dead, separate), I'd be grateful. I did enjoy this, I just can't find a way to listen to it, and I'd rather mentally close off this series than wait just in case.This is the only website I see anyone talking about this pod series.

I know it gets more cliché, but I was starting to care about where they go as a couple. Mainly cause I see it as a doomed love situation.

AS FOR CON!

Yes. Con either needed a better mic, and/or a pop filter. I got used to the static effect, and the editors did their best to cover it up with background sound. There are only a few points where it was noticeable. Con does a soft narrator voice that's easy to listen to, with some difficulty with enunciation and the fact I don't hear his accent all too often.

Yes. He is the most enjoyable part of this project. The lady doing the performance for Kate does a good job and I did grow to enjoy the performance, but she's just doing the role. Classic vampire craving humanity again storyline, with some fantastic imagery thrown in. I thought the age gap between the voice actors would bother me, but he's literally a century-old creature. So, eh.

Lovecraftian Izzy is a tag I keep an eye out for on AO3, so to see essentially that here was great. It was fun seeing him portray the souls trapped inside of John. Some more 'cringe' bits out of context, but if you listen to how his voice acts Mohg from Elden Ring, it gives off the same vibe. He portrayed desperate-sad-lonely falling in 'Love' very well.

The few sex scenes so far were non intrusive and fade to black in nature, besides her first fantasy.

It bugs me that we don't get a clear understanding on how The Kiss works. Cause he can kiss her skin, but it won't kill her? Is it an orifice thing? Cause he killed a guy sticking his tongue down his ear, so...

Highly recommend it if you already read these sort of stories or are on the fence and just want to hear Con and have some time to put it on in the background.

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Performance: 8/10 for everyone all around. A few duds in side characters with a few speaking lines, but overall good stuff from everyone. All the scenes between Kate and John are fun and well acted.

Editing: 8/10 Fun background music and sound effect stuff going on. Super nonintrusive, and when it is, it's too point.

Story/Writing: 6-7/10; you've seen it before. From what I've seen people complain online, the story gets worse at the very end. Don't really know why, but yeah. Sadly, I guessed that there was a god interfering here. I'm glad John didn't just immediately kill her abusive boyfriend, but god, I'm mad I couldn't hear about it. I read an Izzy Hands/John fic out of curiosity and it really pointed out how melodramatic and gothic the writing here is. The way this world is described is very fun, and something that could be fun to emulate in my own writing.

Pacing for an audio medium 7/10: The first chapter is a bit slow, but after a few murders, it picks up well.

Overall 7-8/10. Fun if you go in with low expectations. Again, this might go down if I ever finish Hard Shadows, True Stories, and Sacrifice. But I just can't find a way, sadly.

If you've read this and want somewhere to talk about it down below, don't be afraid to spoil! I love all the comments and likes I get for doing this.

Have an amazing day y'all!

@ivegotnonameidea thanks again for the rec!

Next, who knows? We'll see, probably a movie, and knock through some of everyone's suggestions.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls- Season 1, Episode 21 (Love, Daisies, and Troubadors) Part THREE.

Please check out my pinned post for the rest of season 1 as well as part 1 & 2 of this season finale. We resume our regularly scheduled program, which is Buttzilla Forrester in the middle of a jealous rage, trying to manipulate RoryGil (who isn't even his girlfriend anymore, by the way).

I HATE IT when Rory apologizes to Dean like this and she's done literally nothing wrong! It's so sad. My feelings about later seasons Rory are...a mixed bag to say the least, but I will defend Season 1 Rory with all my might.

Gaslighting: to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Buttzilla: Your boyfriend's waiting. RoryGil: He's not my boyfriend, I hate him! Buttzilla: Whatever. Biggest fictional piece of shit on the planet. Literal dogshit stuck to the bottom of your shoe. RG: Dean, stop! Buttzilla: Why. RG, Pained and Unconvincing: Cause I love you, you idiot. You know there are literal people that find this exchange romantic? Not many,as The Dean Forrester fandom is small and they seem to know their place and not emerge from the shadows. But they exist. Uh oh. I hear corny music... it's happening...

Alexis is frozen solid. She is not moving. Her mouth isn't moving. Her hands are not moving. Her spine is stiff. I don't even need to post pics or gifs of her kissing Milo to compare the two, we've all seen them.

Easy there, JarPad! Release that poor girl from your kung-fu grip! Screen shots don't illustrate the frantic speed in which he is mashing his mouth against hers either. Oh no, now we're getting into the closeups. I'm so sorry for doing this. I hope you can forgive me.

She's a woman, not a lemon! Jesus christ! The vein in his neck is throbbing.

If you would like me to further ruin your Thanksgiving, imagine this following disturbing but absolutely true scenario: Rory and Dean sleep together. Dean refuses to go down on her, fucks her for 15 seconds, finishes and has this same stupid smile on his face, all "was it good for you baby?" and Rory's like "Sure, you did great, tiger." and he believes it. Also Lindsay. Poor Lindsay. #JusticeForLindsay Ugh. I survived. We all survived. Ya'll okay? Diet Logan witnesses this and puts down Rory's books, probably traumatized into being a better person, because I know I was close to promising I'd find Jesus if only that kiss would mercifully end. We cut to the Indepdence Inn and Michel and Kirk arguing because Max took Lorelai's "1,000 yellow daisies" suggestion very, very literally and the Inn is now filled with fucking flowers. Kirk Job: Flower delivery man. Lorelai stands there in stark silence admiring the daisies while Michel calls daisies "Pitiful little things, a notch up from weeds", which is also what I think of Dean Forrester. This relationship is going to LAST....! ...For about another four episodes. Max: I didn't propose to you because we were fighting. I proposed because I love you. Lorelai:

"Help. Me." MM: We're in a bad pattern Lorelai, and we have to break it. That's why you proposed to end an argument, got rejected, didn't have any discussion about it whatsoever like grown ups, pretended it didn't happen, took an off the cuff suggestion she gave you way too literally, then waited exactly one more day to propose a second time. Goes into a blathering Mediocre English Teacher Speech about how books just can't compare to real life blah blah blah. Look, in my occasional headcanon where Jess Mariano grows up to become an English teacher he would never be this fucking pretentious. Lorelai: "God you talk so good." To be fair, he doesn't exactly propose to her over the phone, he's all "think it over" but this thing with the daisies feels really manipulative. How the hell is she gonna say no now? Lorelai bursts into Luke's Diner. Luke: Ahhh, you made me spill. He said the same thing while he was fixing her porch rail.

Cute.

"I just got manipulated back into a shitty relationship wtih a shitty male!" "Me too Mom! Me too! This is so exciting!" Happy Thanksgiving!