#we want to receive unconditional love for who we are for what we do

[daughter-of-sapph0]

what do you gain from sending cruel anons? satisfaction? approval from others? does someone pay you to do it? I never understood why you freaks do that bullshit. it's useless anyway.

I'm not publishing your anonymous ask. no one deserves to look at that slop.

it doesn't even hurt me. nothing you say to me can be worse than the pain I've already felt. your words mean nothing to me. you can tell me to kill myself all you want. you'll never be louder than the voice in my head who almost convinced me to do it.

I've already reached my lowest point in my life. I've gotten better. I love myself too much to let you take that away from me.

you, on the other hand, are sitting alone in your room and copypasting the same generic message to random trans people you see online, because your life has literally no value, because you will never do anything of note, because you're unworthy of any sort of affection from others, and you will die alone, unhappy, unfulfilled, unaccomplished, and your last dying wish as you sit on your death bed surrounded by no one is that you could have spent more time being a cruel heartless bigoted irredeemable cunt to people online.

meanwhile I'll be living my best life. I'll forget about your entire existence later this afternoon. I'll continue to spend time with the people I love, and help spread positivity to people who need it. I will outlast you. I'll live my life to the fullest while you rot in your isolation. I will outlive you. my legacy will continue after I'm gone while people will try and pretend that your ilk never existed. I will outlove you. I will be a reminder that your negativity and hatred is but a momentary stain on existence that will be washed away by unconditional love and support.

I'm no longer speaking to that anonymous asker. instead I address this to my followers, as well as anyone else who may see this post: do not answer anon hate ever. it's not worth it. those people do not care about your response, and only receive gratification from seeing you suffer.

I know a lot of you weren't online in ye olden days. but back then, we had rules for the internet. and one of them is to never feed the trolls. feeding the trolls mean they win. somewhere along the line some of them managed to convince people that blocking the trolls means they win. that's not true. blocking means you win because you'll never have to see their disgusting horrendous comments again. the block button is your best friend. use it.

if you get anon hate, delete it. block the sender (which I'm pretty sure now ip blocks whoever sent the ask), and if it continues, turn of anons, or even turn off asks in general. do not let them hurt you. do not engage. do not respond. do not answer them. they aren't looking for a debate. and you won't change their mind. answering their ask just exposes their slop to all your followers. and none of them want to see that shit.

remember that for every hateful anon message you get, there are 100 people who love you unconditionally and care about you. do not let the loud hateful minority win.

maybe what I'm doing counts as feeding the troll. I'm not directly answering their ask, but I'm still getting involved. but fuck it. I'm turning their hate into positivity. I'm using this as a moment to spread awareness to others.

if you're a person on the internet who's received hateful messages, especially if you're trans, I promise you that you're not alone. ignore them. find people who care about you and love you. I promise that the small annoying obnoxious voice does not represent the opinions of society as a whole. I promise that nothing they say is true. I promise that you are loved. unconditionally. forever. simply because you are you.

[queerstake]

Good morning, Queerstake! Thank you to everyone joining us for our community fast and letter writing campaign in response to the 2024 Church Handbook update with regards to transgender people. The policy update has shaken all of us. It is exclusionary and degrading. But we will find strength in each other as a community and courage in our efforts to effect change in this church that belongs not only to the General Authorities who authorized this policy update but also to all of us. Change in the Church happens from the ground up. Harmful policies have been issued and redacted before in our own lifetimes! We deserve to be treated with respect.

Today, we will fast together as a community that the Lord softens the hearts of the First Presidency. We will also write and send letters expressing our grief. Please don’t be quiet about your feelings today. Share your heartbreak with as many of your fellow ward and Queerstake members as you feel comfortable doing. Please post your feelings as well so we can inspire and uplift each other as we write our letters. It’s important that our grievances are heard.

Please send physical letters to:

The Office of the First Presidency

47 East South Temple Street

Salt Lake City, UT 84150

If you are unable to send a paper letter to Salt Lake, because I was not able to find an appropriate email, please instead email your letters to me at QUEERSTAKEONTUMBLR@GMAIL.COM. I’ll print and mail them myself.

Edit: @nerdygaymormon found an email address! Please feel free to send email to lgbt@churchofjesuschrist.org. However, you are still more than welcome to send them to me to print. In fact, why not do both!

A quick word of caution: Of course, no one can guarantee the type of responses we might receive for these letters. In fact, I urge you to consider using a pseudonym in order to avoid potential church discipline. Please take care to note what legal name or return address might be associated with your membership records. I don’t want to scare anyone, especially because we’re doing nothing wrong, but it’s always good to be very aware of what might make it back to your bishop.

Thank you again to everyone for joining. I’ve always felt so supported and uplifted by Queerstake. I know that our Heavenly Parents love us just as we are and that they don’t want us excluded and humiliated in our wards. We have unique and valuable testimonies to share. We don’t go unheard by our Heavenly Parents.

I’ve included a few sample letters and templates below the cut for people who might need a shortcut for one reason or another. You are welcome to send them verbatim or modify them.

#1

Dear First Presidency,

I'm writing to express my grief and concern over the 2024 handbook policy update on transgender people.

I believe that Christ invites all to come unto him and that as Christ's church, we have a responsibility to embrace people from all walks of life. No other demographic within the church is being treated with such severity as our transgender siblings under this new policy. I fear our transgender siblings in Christ will feel excluded and degraded, and we will lose many great members.

I believe it's of the utmost importance that we express Christlike love and charity even to people we don't understand. There is no excuse for asking transgender youth to leave activities with their peers as though they are a danger. There is no excuse for not allowing transgender people to work with children or humiliating them in our bathrooms. This is a demographic of people who have suffered in our society and Christ would want us to reach out to them with open arms. I humbly and respectfully ask that you reconsider these policy changes with regards to the doctrine of unconditional love that the church espouses. I beg you to consider the church experience of our transgender siblings in Christ and to prioritize their feelings over the feelings of people that wish to hurt them.

Thank you for your time.

#2

Dear First Presidency,

I feel deeply grieved by the Handbook update on transgender people. As a transgender member myself, I am doing everything I can to remain in the church and exclusionary policies like these make me feel deeply unwanted and deeply unloved.

I understand very well the church's position on gender, but I hope that despite that position that I might still be able to feel Christ's love at church. Our Heavenly Parents put me on this or Earth as a transgender person. I am not a danger to children and I am not a predator in bathrooms. I am your sibling in Christ. I want to serve in church. I want to serve in teaching positions. I want to serve the youth. I believe that we attend church with the purpose of uplifting each other and studying our religion together as a ward family. I want to be edified and I want to edify.

President Hinckley said every member needs a calling, a friend, and the word of God, and if I'm treated this way at church, I'm not receiving any of those things. If I can't have a real role to play within my ward, then I have no responsibility. If I am treated as an outsider and an enemy and a predator by policy and by my fellow church members, then I don't have a friend. If I can't also receive Christ's gospel through the love of the people around me, then I'm not receiving the real word of the Lord.

I seriously urge you to reconsider this policy update. I beg you on behalf of myself and my transgender siblings in the church to not hate us and to not exclude us.

Thank you for your time.

#3

Dear First Presidency,

I felt ______ when I heard about the new policy update to the handbook about transgender individuals. I believe we should treat our transgender members with the love and respect they deserve as our siblings in Christ.

I urge you to reconsider this policy update because ______

Thank you for your time.

#4

Dear Leadership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,

I'm writing to express my grief and concern over the 2024 handbook policy update on transgender people, which I have been made aware of due to the negative impact it is having on my [friend(s)/family/loved ones].

The reputation of love, kindness, and family values that your church fosters with its programs, teachings, and community outreach is undermined by your continued exclusion of LGBT+ members and specifically with this policy change of your transgender members.

My [friend(s)/family/loved ones] have expressed _____ in regards to the August 19, 2024 changes to the handbook that relegate transgender members of your church to second-class citizens within the organization, and deny them the full capacity of worship and belonging within your church; all because of something so insignificant to their capacity to worship and belong to a community as their gender being different than the gender that they were assigned at birth. This decision _____ me/ negatively impacts my view of your church.

Thank you for your time.

I believe that there is no excuse for asking transgender youth to leave activities with their peers as though they are a danger. There is no excuse for not allowing transgender people to work with children or humiliating them in your bathrooms. This is a demographic of people who have suffered in our society and I believe that every person needs to reach out to them with open arms. I respectfully ask that you reconsider these policy changes with regards to the doctrine of unconditional love that the church espouses. I beg you to consider the church experience of your transgender members and to prioritize their feelings over the feelings of people that wish to hurt them.

[honeytonedhottie]

the tea on self love⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍵

the most important relationship that you're ever going to have during your lifetime is the relationship with yourself. its the longest relationship that you'll ever be in, therefore its crucial to make this relationship flourish.

first understand ; love is unconditional. theres no such thing as conditional love, if its conditional then it is NOT love. that means regardless of past mistakes, your love for yourself is still there and its still strong. the love for yourself is the only love that will always be there. because people change and they come and go, but you're with yourself ALL hours of the day, and forEVER.

because people change, you cannot rely on the love of others all of the time. the love that u feel for urself shouldn't decrease just because your surrounded by individuals who love you a lot. if anything ur self love should grow, but never shrink.

its easy to grow dependent on the love from others, your friends, family, partner.. but the truth of the matter is, if ur self love isnt solid and grounded then when that person inevitably changes or grows or leaves ur life, then you perception of self love will crumble.

practicing self love ; start asking yourself "how i feel today" or "what do i need/want today" be more conscious of urself and ur feelings, just as you would if u were being thoughtful and considerate to a friend or partner that you loved.

do not EVER speak badly about yourself. even in a "joking" manner. bcuz guess what, ur brain can't tell the difference between when ur joking and when ur being serious. your words have power!! the same love and support that u provide to ur friends when they've made a mistake is the same, if not more, support and love that u should give urself when u make mistakes.

often times we beat ourselves up over mistakes that we make but thats not healthy at ALL. make ur mind a peaceful, beautiful, and safe place to be, where u can cultivate ideas and growth. instead of a place where ur walking on eggshells all of the time bcuz ur scared of imperfection.

make a promise to yourself that regardless of how u feel or what happened in ur life, that you won't talk badly about yourself. only tell yourself good things!!

be conscious of how you treat urself ; are you considerate enough of ur own health or well being? if the answer is no, then what are you even doing? treat urself with tender love and care. if you feel tired, sleep. if you feel hungry, eat. if you long for something, give it to yourself. dont deny yourself anything and please please look after yourself.

ways to show yourself love depending on ur love language ; if u dont know ur love language, take this quiz ✨ and find out.

if ur love language is physical touch...

try yoga

take a bubble bath

buy a weighted blanket or one of those pregnancy pillows

if ur love language is receiving gifts...

go on solo trips

investing in yourself

buying gifts for urself when u go out

if ur love language is words of affirmation...

practice gratitude

practice saying ur affirmations out loud to urself

give yourself compliments

if ur love language is acts of service...

practicing self care

meal prepping meals that u know u love to eat

clean and organize ur space

if ur love language is quality time...

go for a relaxing walk

start journalling

try meditation

have some quiet time and replenish yourself, take a long nap, do whatever u need to do to show yourself that YOU LOVE YOU, bcuz u should 🫶🏽

the mindset of someone who loves themselves ;

"im going to give my body the best that i can possibly manage"

"my body is a temple, so im going to treat it as such"

"im going to be conscious of what i say and think to myself about myself, and only feed myself good thoughts"

[genderkoolaid]

okay. I feel like I explain this every time I talk about men's issues but I just saw some more bad takes on transandrophobia so I'm going to go over exactly my thoughts on men & gendered oppression.

My argument is no "men, as a class, are oppressed exactly like women as a class, and all of society is always against masculinity & therefore any proof of society valuing masculinity/men over femininity/women disproves my point." My arguments are:

A fundamental part of patriarchal masculinity is competition and threats/fear. Yes, cis men are The Best, but the patriarchy does not give unconditional love and support to everyone perceived as a cis man. Creating a strict definition of what a man is keeps people in a state of fear that makes them easy to control. bell hooks talks about this beautifully in The Will to Change: "When we love maleness, we extend our love whether males are performing or not. Performance is different from simply being. In patriarchal culture males are not allowed simply to be who they are and to glory in their unique identity. Their value is always determined by what they do. In an antipatriarchal culture males do not have to prove their value and worth. They know from birth that simply being gives them value, the right to be cherished and loved." Men cannot be unconditionally comfortable without proving that they have worth via fulfillment of patriarchal standards- which are intertwined with capitalistic standards, because patriarchy & other social systems cannot be separated for anyone. This does not mean that men receive no benefits from the patriarchy- the way the patriarchy negatively affects men does not need to be a mirror of how it affects women in order to be real. I frankly don't care if this counts as oppression or not; its a part of the patriarchy and it hurts people, especially...

Marginalized men & marginalized perceived-men. We cannot act like marginalized women experience the intersection of gender and [x], but marginalized men have their gender completely ignored. It's just not accurate. This does not mean they never benefit from being perceived as men, either, or that they cannot contribute to misogyny. But marginalized men's gender absolutely plays a role in how they are perceived and treated. Testosterone can be seen as a positive for cis men while trans men are seen as hyper-violent "emotional women with male rage," because the patriarchy does not care about hypocrisy, it cares about control. White men can be encouraged to show their anger and be seen as powerful while Black men have their lives destroyed if they do anything but shape all of their emotions around making white people comfortable. There is a consistent trend of portraying marginalized men as having the worst of masculine traits- being ugly, sexually aggressive, uncontrollable monsters- or lacking the proper traits of masculinity- being infertile/failing to be properly sexual, being meek and easily dominated, being effeminate or having female traits- while dominant men are always perfectly balanced and in control of their masculinity.

The point of using "misandry" or "antimasculism" is not "all things male/masculine are treated badly." It's is being able to talk about how masculinity is weaponized against those who do it "wrong." All language is wrong, but some language is useful.

Also, if you want to hear more about the intersection of masculinity/manhood and Blackness, I'd recommend both the videos of F.D Signifier and the work of thotscholar.

[general-cyno]

I've been on law backstory brainrot and one thing stuck on my mind is the topic of lies, wrt rocinante in specific. I find him fascinating as a character and it's like - the flashback focuses on law, of course, since it's part of his story, but it's still somewhat objective. we're shown some of rocinante's inner thoughts at times. he's kinda hard to pinpoint though, in terms of overall personality. there's the little brother and son of former celestial dragons, rocinante the marine, corazón the executive, and law's cora-san.

a line that stayed with me despite the kinda goofy context was law's the most ridiculous thing about you is the only part that's true, back when rocinante first revealed his motives after learning of law's full name. rocinante is sincere but not necessarily always-honest. it's all over his character too, what with being an undercover agent. rocinante lied to doflamingo and his crew, he lied to his adoptive father/father figure, he even lied to law, denying his identity as a navy officer and insisting doffy wouldn't kill him. even so, the one person he apologizes to? is also law.

we don't really know if covert operations within the marines were always his thing or just something he did because it involved his brother. regardless, rocinante was forced to lie for different reasons: for a greater good (his mission to stop doflamingo), for law's sake (stealing the op op fruit). when faced with the brat he'd grown attached to and wished to save, he lies again, but only because he didn't want law to hate him. there's just something painfully bittersweet about it. it's a little selfish too. he didn't regret lying to his older brother. he didn't express regret over lying to sengoku, the man who'd raised him like a son, either. it's in the moment of his imminent death and the exposure he subjected himself to so that law could escape, when he voices it out - I'm sorry for lying, I just didn't want you to hate me.

rocinante was willing to make an enemy out of everyone, even the organization he belonged to and the man who'd raised him, yet it was law he didn't wish to be hated by. his last direct words to law were I love you and an apology, neither of which he received a response to. rocinante died not knowing for sure if law felt the same or if he resented rocinante for his association to the marines but he didn't need to, anyway, because reciprocity wasn't the point. he saved law because he loved him and saving him was the right thing to do, not for the D or whatever destiny awaited law in the future, just because he was a kid who'd suffered so much and deserved to live and be free. this is pretty much what law's conversation with sengoku is about, too. don't ever attach a reason to the love you've received.

on the one hand you've got rocinante who died, uncertain of whether law hated him or not, for the lies and all, hoping to be remembered for his smile. not knowing law would build so much of his self and life around his cherished memories of cora. on the other, there's law who spent thirteen years being unable to realize how truly unconditional cora's love for him was in the end, up until the aftermath of dressrosa. such a tragic duo for real.

[lurkingshan]

Thank you for leaving these tags @pharawee! Without getting into any speculation about how Dead Friend Forever will actually end, I do want to address your question and talk about why most of us want to see severe consequences for these boys. The short answer: it's about genre expectations and the psychological catharsis of a good revenge narrative.

To get down to the really basic point: people who love revenge thrillers love them because they are a fantasy construct in which good people survive and bad people get what they deserve. In a world where bad things happen and we rarely have any control, a good revenge story can be exhilarating, giving you the feeling that justice prevailed, villains received appropriate comeuppance for their wrongs, and the protagonist seized control back and experienced much needed catharsis for their suffering. Real life is very much not like this, which is why it's such an appealing genre of fiction.

So how do we calibrate what "appropriate comeuppance" means? This is where genre expectations become really important, because the genre the revenge narrative plays out in sets the terms for where that bar sits. In The Glory, a recent world class revenge drama, we were in the psychological thriller genre, so revenge came in the form of Dong Eun playing mind games with her bullies until they destroyed their own lives. No murder necessary. Dead Friend Forever, however, is in the horror genre, and specifically began its story by planting itself in the slasher subgenre, giving us a masked killer and setting up expectations that these boys are being hunted. When you watch a slasher, you come in with the mindset that most of the characters are going to die and begin rooting for it and looking for reasons why they "deserve" it. And typically, in a slasher, it takes very little for a character to "deserve" a death--you often see people die for the tiniest infractions, like making a rude comment, telling a bad joke, or having sex. But DFF went much farther than that and gave us a multi episode flashback in which we got a detailed accounting of every wrong this group of boys committed against Non, increasing the audience's bloodlust and conviction that these boys needed to pay.

So why do so many of us want the bullies to die? Because the genre demands it, and the story set the audience up to expect it from the outset. I have seen some discussion of the way the show is blending different horror subgenres and not sticking strictly to typical slasher conventions, and that's true, and expected. Slashers are usually two hours max, and this show needed to fill 10+ hours of content, so it's doing a really interesting blend of slasher, mystery, psychological thriller, and other horror subgenres. But the bones of the story still hold, and despite the storytelling choice to give the villains some nuance and fleshed out motivations for their behavior, they are still villains who destroyed Non's life. If you're feeling overly sympathetic to any of these boys at present, I encourage you to go back and remind yourself how they behaved in the early episodes of this story, which took place after the events of the flashbacks. These are not genuinely remorseful kids who made minor mistakes and then got their acts together and became upstanding citizens; they just want to move on and avoid blame and accountability for what they did, while Non's entire family was irrevocably destroyed by their actions.

If this story ends without Por, Tee, Top, Fluke, Jin, and Phee suffering genre appropriate consequences for their choices that harmed and betrayed Non, it will be a letdown and many will feel unsatisfied. In real life, we may believe that forgiveness is the right path, and we know that Buddhism teaches unconditional forgiveness. But this is not real life. This is a fantasy genre that is specifically meant to provide an escape from the constraints of real life morality and obligations. No one wants to show up to a fantasy party only to receive a moral scolding. The most disappointing thing a revenge narrative can do is wimp out on delivering the actual revenge.

[girlactionfigure]

Dr. Einat Wilf (@EinatWilf) on X: What does our enemy want? Nothing we can accept. We are facing a totalizing ideology, known as Palestinianism, executed by Hamas and its enablers, that wants nothing less than ending the absolutely humiliating specter of sovereign Jews. We are facing an enemy dedicated by all means necessary to teaching a final lesson to those Jews who dared imagine themselves equal, sovereign, and masters of their fate in their own state on their ancestral land, so that they never attempt to do so ever again. We are facing an enemy that no only invaded our country, our homes, to gleefully murder and mutilated the most peace loving people in their beds, but went on to kidnap hundreds of them to serve as an insurance that they will pay no consequences for what they did on October 7th. The brutal executors of the ideology of Palestinianism, known as Hamas, did not kidnap people for the limited goal of releasing murderers from Israeli jails, but rather to ensure it pays no price for what it did and therefore could do it again, and again, and again. Make no mistake, as far as Hamas is concerned, it paid no price and suffered no consequences for October 7th. The devastation in Gaza, the people killed, are all meaningless to Hamas. Buoyed by the global pressure to provide it with ongoing supplies it even as it is conducting a total war, it remains in firm control of Gaza and its people. It secured a position as a legitimate negotiating partner while all the pressure is placed on Israel to yield to its demands to go back to October 6th with no consequences for its actions. Nothing is done against the backers of Hamas - Qatar, Egypt and Iran - pretending that the first two are somehow helpful (they're not), and the latter somehow uninvolved. Once Hamas exchanged the women and children it kidnapped, who were above all a liability for their total cause, for guaranteed ongoing supplies that secure its rule in Gaza, once it ensured that no-one touches the funnel of UNRWA, the only additional deal to which it would agree - as it made repeatedly clear, is one that goes back to October 6th: Hamas remains in charge of Gaza, of the border with Egypt that has been the site of endless supplies for its army and economy, Israel withdraws completely, and they can continue receiving billions from the world through UNRWA and other channels, so as to be even more effective executors of acts of mass murder in the future. Hamas executes hostages or attempts to do so when Israeli soldiers are close to releasing them, because the one thing they cannot accept is to have the lowly Jews rescue their own people. The kidnapped hostages are Hamas' insurance policy to continue to fight until there is no more Israel. In the face of a totalizing ideology that plays a long game with an annihilationist goal, there is only moral position for any government/international organization is to pursue (and should have been the policy from October 8th): Unconditional release of the hostages Unconditional surrender of Hamas That is the only thing that ends the immediate war (Ending Palestinianism as the ideology that negates a sovereign Jewish state in any borders is necessary to end the bigger century long war). And until then? It is war, and should be waged as such, with no illusions about the enemy we face.

[weirdbraincustard]

where ego ends, the god self emerges

addressing the “gap” you feel between your current and your higher self :

ego rushes, god self trusts

the desire to control everything, try too hard, go out of your way to make things happen, all of it stems from "working hard to feel you truly deserve it" aka limited logical thinking, aka the ego. the ego wants everything right now. it has the impatience of a spoiled child.

it is needy because its peace, sense of self and happiness depends upon receiving that particular desire. ego is mistrusting of your god self, only feels powerful when it has control. even if you get your desire, your issues will still remain. unless one dissolves neediness, they can't possibly be their god self.

god self is the state of peace & knowing. it doesn't control, it doesn't dwell on what others did or what happened. it believes in its authenticity and power. it knows that the desire is meant to be. the more you feel unsafe about your power within your own mind, the more your ego takes over your day to day thinking.

ego limits perspective

ego talks about self as the victim, it seems to hold the key of sanity by asserting control, which if any circumstance makes it feel it doesn't have, erupts in statements like : I AM TRIGGERED, I AM TARGETTED, I AM UNLOVED, I AM WRONGED, I AM MISUNDERSTOOD, I AM I AM I AM...

ego is not necessarily a bad thing, it was designed to protect you, it wasn't designed to help you manifest. ego hyper focuses on the aspects of your reality that you cannot control. it only creates the illusion of control.

to let go of ego, you have to let go of the urge to control what you cannot and should not. anything outside of your reactions and perspective, is something you cannot control. the more you make peace with this fact, the easier it is to be in peace. god self knows to only change within, not anything outside of you - not other people's behaviours, not their actions and not even circumstances. true manifestation happens when we trust our god self. it happens when we allow it without interfering through our mistrusted 3D reactions.

ego makes you hold grudges

we often dwell on thoughts and events, replaying negative ones to find out why it happened and how you could have avoided it, how the other person acted or why that event happened the way it did. the truth is, accept that it had to happen that way. things happened exactly as they did & you need to make peace with it. you can revise this but know that things can always change.

remember that circumstances and people do not hold the power to define who you are. you are not what happened to you or who wronged you. grudges and fixation on negative events come from the loss of power & hurt ego. the more you give them the power to make you feel unworthy, the more you lose touch from your god self that has no limitations & operates from unconditional love.

focus on forgiving yourself before forgiving people/circumstances. you don't have to dwell on every event, feeling or thought that your mind thinks of, you have the power to select what you focus on & what you let define yourself & your journey. you can always take a step back before you react or attach meaning to it.

how to dissolve ego?

focus inward, soothe yourself, let go of the idea that you need to work hard to deserve your desire. god self doesn't try, it knows. it knows the desire is theirs, cultivate trust on your own mind and potential. the reason you don't feel safe within your mind is the same reason why you fear every negative thought. you have to be your safe space. trust that you can handle whatever happens without abandoning yourself.

embrace your negative thoughts, feel your physical reactions to them and allow them to dissolve without identifying with them. the negative thoughts won't stop but your reaction to them can certainly change. the more you fear negative thoughts and run away from them, the more unsafe you feel within your own self. how sad is that. let go of the control, trust your god self to know what you're manifesting and simply focus on the present. it is so easy to overthink about the past and future, forgetting to live in the present. live this moment and turn your focus inward, nourish yourself and trust the rest upto your god self. it will happen, you got this!

[queersouthasian]

I find the comments about Charlie's selflessness and Babe's immediate aggressive reaction amusing 'cause they effortlessly portray how masses don't realise victims of abuse/assault can become extremely defensive, to protect themselves they weaponize themselves, and that's a trauma response right there. Other than the fact that we are literally ignoring the fact that way manipulated and hypnotised him against Charlie, but in both the situations where babe thought Charlie was betraying him, is a big deal. Imagine dealing with the pain of taken advantage of by the people who claimed to love you for years and trying to cope with that, when you finally allow yourself to love and trust again, the SAME SHIT happened. No wonder babe got aggressive...and the thing that makes Charlie the best boy he is, he knew that. Charlie knows how to deal with such problems. That's why everytime the misunderstanding happened, he made sure he explains and tells the truth, that even if he lies a 1000 times, those lies are yo shield not to scar...that's why we see Charlie continuously trying to approach angry babe, 'cause he is not scared of him, he can study babe's soul, every fragment of him, so he isn't scared but frustrated 'cause he would do anything to let babe know he would never hurt him. And if he ever did in fact do something to hurt him, it was always to save him. Charlie is a natural caretaker and his selflessness comes from the lack of comfort and love he received as a child, for years ge was ignored and abandoned, forgotten. So, he gives people exactly that. He knows how babe had built a high thick wall around him as a defense, but unlike others (way) who tried to break that wall down, he built a small window, as if looking at babe through that limited space, not absolutely invading his space but not leaving him alone either. He came in babe's life and respected boundaries while saving him, loving him. And babe understood that. Babe who is a sweetheart, who too wants to be loved and to love, builts a door for Charlie so instead of breaking the wall down, he gently enters the space, and stays 'cause babe locked the door and threw the key. What I am trying to say is, they both saved each other. Charlie who has zero self preservation, gains it, slowly but steadily, through babe. He wants to be alive, wants to be healthy for babe, 'cause babe loves him selflessly, unconditionally. Babe has not only physically saved him, but emotionally did too. His threats to Charlie to not put his life in danger are bold but lack heat, 'cause those words carry concern and love. Charlie's selflessness is considered "boring" by some 'cause we often see kind people as boring. We consider kindness, love and anything related to unconditional love boring or cringe 'cause we have been taught to consider the worst of humanity, we have been taught to not look for hope in this world where caring for others are "looking for attention". Those who are confused by the lack of self preservation, when someone finally loves you as you, they save you, they really do and won't you do everything to save them too? This is applicable for both Charlie Babe.

[belit0]

Would you be willing to write angst where Madara and indra (separately) finally broke the last straw and they and their lover have a heated argument. It escalates to the point where she threatens to take off her ring. How would they react. (The argument was their fault.)

I am convinced Indra is one of those persons who says hurtful things without feeling it just to make the other one angry, and no one can change my mind.

Indra

He knows the argument is his fault, he is aware of how he pressures (Y/N), and how she feels lesser for not being able to give him a child. It is no one's fault really, only the Otsutsuki's impatience and helplessness for not being able to control nature itself.

Indra is mighty in every way, the most powerful man in the world, but he is failing at the one fundamental task of his present time: to conceive an heir and start a clan with his own blood.

He does not know where the failure lies, he has no idea if it is because of him or (Y/N), all he cares about is how he fills his wife with his seed every single night, hoping for an immediate result that never comes. It is frustrating, having achieved the most difficult goal of his life, conquered everything he wanted, and not being able to achieve the most common and ordinary task of any man.

An afternoon of problems is when he explodes against his beloved, bearing the pressures of his followers and resolving situations within the village he managed to create after his victory. Everyone counts on him, everyone needs him, and the pressure of authority becomes exhausting.

(Y/N), worried about her inability to grant him an heir, seeks validation and reaffirmation from him. She just needs to hear everything is okay, that they will get through it together, and that patience will be the greatest virtue for them both to get through the predicament, finally getting a child. The woman goes to her husband's private training camp, where she always counts on being able to find him. The man senses her arrival and stops his practice to give her his attention. "It's nothing urgent, my love, I'm just worried."

With a cold stare, Indra hides his concern, refusing to let his wife see the worry is shared. Unable to show he feels fear about it too, he chooses a distant stance, kicking the problem down on her, "You should be, it's been a while since we started trying."

"You talk like it's my fault...we have no idea what's going on and-" (Y/N) is interrupted by curt words, throwing responsibility on her actions, as if she doesn't want to have a family with him.

"I'm not certain about that, and I'm afraid consequences must happen soon." The Otsutsuki glares at her, red-eyed from his height, inwardly regretting not knowing how to put his feelings into words without hurting her in the process. He knows his position will only lead to trouble, but he can't do anything about it, riding a train with no brakes.

"Consequences...would you risk all our years together for a stone in the road...? Indra, I've been with you from the beginning, long before everything that happened..." There are tears in (Y/N)'s eyes, threatening an early free fall down her face. The woman stares at him in disbelief, genuinely mortified with every response she receives. Does her company mean nothing to him, the unconditional love she gave him through all their moments?

"My life was built upon losing people I believed to love. If I had to lose you for this, it wouldn't be news, (Y/N)." His sentences are like many kunai burying themselves in different parts of her body, and the woman can do nothing but rethink everything until now.

"You should probably keep this then." She throws the gift he gave her on their wedding night, a beautiful ring engraved and embedded in red gemstones, at his feet. Pain is visible on her features, and the anger with which she turns away from him is palpable.

Worst of all, Indra does not feel any of the words he said. He would never abandon her, even if it meant not being able to bear children of his own blood. He cannot control the image he pretends to have in the outside world, even if that includes hurting those he truly cares about.

(Y/N) has been with him since before his curse, was with him during his eternal fight with Ashura, and helped him build the place he now calls his. She is his safe space, his little home, but he can't help the awful unreasonable words flowing out of his mouth in frustration, anger, and rage. She knows him, and understands he's usually a pain in the ass to argue with, but this time she seems to have been truly affected by his statements.

Maybe he took it too far, without even meaning to.

He picks up the ring at his feet and puts it in his pocket before deciding to run, get away from the place, and find a distant and remote village to kill every single one of its inhabitants. Indra lashes out at the life of all the innocents he finds in the tiny town, destroying children, women, and fathers alike.

His anger is directed at himself, raging at his inability to control and suppress his reflex to hurt others. Of course, ironic to analyze his own self while dismembering humans left and right.

Madara

It is in the early evening when Madara decides to leave in search of (Y/N). Having arrived earlier than usual, he wanted to surprise her at home, but she was nowhere to be found. He opted to go to Izuna and ask about her, his brother always being everywhere and nowhere, knowing the whereabouts of every person in the clan.

The younger Uchiha recounts how he saw her walking a while ago, presumably towards the local Uchiha market, intending to buy something to make Madara some dinner. How Izuna knows so many details is none of his concern, yet he is grateful for the information.

Arriving at the market, he scans the place for her presence, too tired to use the Sharingan and deciding to do it the old-fashioned way. He walks among the stalls and greets every person who dares to speak to him, being stopped many more times than he would like at this hour.

As he talks to a little old lady, he sees her in the distance, having a very animated conversation with a man he recognizes from his army. He is an average warrior, one of the many Uchiha who never managed to develop a Sharingan, and he is too close to his wife for his liking.

Quickly excusing himself, Madara frees from the old woman to get closer to where (Y/N) is, without revealing himself to her but close enough for the man to notice. Behind his wife's back, the Uchiha stares at him with eyes full of hatred and menace, causing the warrior to flee in terror without even saying goodbye to her. Confused, (Y/N) turns around to see what spooked the man, caused him to be so horrified, and meets her husband face to face.

Judging by his expression, it looks as if he has just met Tobirama, and the woman is extremely embarrassed when he lifts her over his shoulder, abducting her from the market and concluding her shopping moment.

"Madara what the fuck! Put me down now!" She yells angrily, slamming a fist into his back and trying to lift her head to keep all the blood from going to that area. He doesn't comply with her demand until a few minutes later when they are in the privacy of their home, and away from any prying eyes.

"What got into you?!" (Y/N) exclaims indignantly, trying to understand what could have affected him enough to not even say hello.

"Who the fuck was that man and why were you conversing so cheerfully with him?" He asks with both loathing and resignation, expecting a terrible answer from his wife. Maybe it was her lover, maybe it was the person she would want to replace him with, or maybe she already had.

"He's one of the guards you assigned to take care of me today, you idiot! He was with me all day, under your own orders! Don't you even register what you decree, all day locked up in your office?!"(Y/N) is overcome with indignation, being indirectly accused of unfaithfulness wrongfully.

The Uchiha is speechless, not knowing what to say about it. He deals with so many things per day and at the same time, he tends to forget one or two matters. He feels disgusted for having assigned such a weak warrior as his wife's bodyguard, but even more so for not being able to remember it. The stress was consuming him to such an extent he was beginning to forget important things, skipping some and erasing others altogether.

"Even if that hadn't been the case, seeing me talk to another man doesn't give you the right to freak out like that! Interacting with people of the opposite sex doesn't mean I'll be looking to cheat on you, Madara! Grow the hell up, and learn to respect me as your wife, or it ends here!"

Enraged, (Y/N) storms out of the house, leaving a stunned and shocked Uchiha in the middle of the room. The only thing Madara is thankful for is the fact she didn't take off her ring, which could mean two things: either she didn't notice, or she doesn't see it as serious enough to genuinely leave him. Either way, he feels terribly guilty, and can't understand how he lets himself be driven by jealousy like that.

Unfounded jealousy, even worse.

The Uchiha is left pondering in solitude before he goes off to find her, determined to apologize on his knees if that's what it takes to get (Y/N) not to be angry at him anymore.

[hanafubukki]

I hate the who does Lilia love more debate. I don’t know it makes no sense to me.

What do you think?

Hello Anonie 🌺💚🌷

Ohhh Anonie, you all ask questions that makes me want to write essays especially if you mention Lilia or any other Diasomnia character.

You know I will write an essay about Lilia if you give me the chance. 💚💕😂

Lilia's love isn't singular. It had never been. His love is more of an umbrella and it encompasses all. We see this especially in book 7 as we get to know each Diasomia member more. He has many loves. He shows that you can have more than one True Love. He is literally love personified. The one who not only learned how to love but continues to learn.

I don't know where the whole argument/debate (?) came from that Lilia loves Malleus more than Silver or vice versa? To me, it has no standing.

Also I want to point out, Diasomnia had always been mysterious and we haven't known until now any details about them. We have only known superficially what they strategically showed us through events and personal stories.

So because of this and because how long it took for us to get to book 7, certain views and perceptions have been made about these characters/relationships which are shattered now that book 7 released.

Hence, why this argument probably came up in the first place because of these assumptions/perceptions.

To get back to this question, we have seen Lilia and Silver interactions before book 7 and how it is mentioned that Lilia raised Silver and the tender moments they had. But we have also had these moments with Malleus as well in events and cards.

You can miss this if you don't read the events or personal stories and focus only on main story. As book 7 released, they have slowly and surely paved the stones that show how much Lilia loves both Silver and Malleus.

You can see it in in Dorm Lilia's Personal story as well as Malleus'. He has always done his best for both of them and he has always loved equally. The circumstance for both Malleus and Silver are different but it does not mean he was not a father to both of them. One just has the ability to freely call him one and the other does not.

Lilia literally is an example of "you don't have to be blood related to someone to be considered family" and I think that is beautiful.

He hatched Malleus with 200 years of unconditional love. He traveled, told Malleus stories, learned his unique magic, gave his magic and life force to Malleus while promising to cuddle him and make it so he isn't alone anymore. Does that sound like someone who doesn't love Malleus? No, it was his true love for Malleus that allowed him to hatch him. It was Lilia's happiest moment so much so that he cried.

He woke up Silver because of his ability to love. Lilia at this point acknowledges (more inwardly than outwardly) that he has the ability to love. He could have killed Silver but he didn't. Instead, he chooses to raise this baby (the enemy's child). He learns to raise a human baby and gets help raising him from the Zigvolt and Malleus. He cried when he received the acorn bracelet. This is not someone who does not love Silver.

Both of Malleus' and Silver's situations are based on True Love. These two cursed and lonely princes woken up but this General Fae who loves so deeply. A lonely fae who found happiness and a reason for living because of these two, and they who found solace in his arms. One Father and two sons.

Where in any of these moments does it seem he favors one more than the other? In events especially, we see how Lilia always talking about his family. We see him buy them gifts and consider their likes and wants and the rest of Diasomnia does the same when they go on trips as well.

Lilia is a fae of action rather than words. His lack of communication is what led to the current situation Diasomnia is in and that is his fault. But as we see, everyone in Diaosmnia is more action than words.

Everyone loves through actions, and I can write a whole essay on this lolol 😂💚

But back to Lilia, he has shown repeatedly how much he loves his boys through his actions. He heard their cries and woke them up with True Love. He pats them on the head as pointed out by Silver and Malleus. He cooks for them.

He is protective of them as we see with Book 2 with Leona's plotting against Malleus and how he tore into Leona for it. We see it as well with Silver when he took that hit for him in book 7. He loves talking about them (the shaved ice incident, the burnt cookies, etc)

He trains them to protect themselves so they wouldn't fall, so in times of need; they can depend on each other. He wants them to build a future where humans and fae get along so they do not have to suffer as he has.

Is this not love in the highest form for both of them?

Words of love and affirmation is something we all need and crave, but neither Silver nor Malleus has ever questioned the love they received.

No, Silver and Malleus questions if they deserve that love. Silver has repeatedly stated how faes love intensely but never did he say he wasn't loved.

It was always about if they deserved that love. As we see in chapter 5 of book 7, Silver despaired because he believes he doesn't deserve it. Which, I might add, he fully accepted at the end of chapter 5. He acknowledges it himself that Lilia loves him truly through his actions and teachings. It gives him determination and renewal of strength to continue and break Malleus of his OB and so he can see Lilia and Malleus smile again.

Malleus despite seeing the hatching moment, doesn't see it for what it is. That it was Lilia's happiest moment. No, he sees it as an event that caused him pain and grief. He offered Lilia a happy dream where he can be happy with his parents or with Silver peacefully. Malleus hasn't accepted that he deserves that love and hopefully, we can see him accept it as well.

As you see, even without words, Lilia has always shown he has loved them. One of them he was able to raise from a baby and the other he was restricted (but he tried his best and it wasn't his fault that he was restricted).

But none of this shows he loves one more than the other, in fact, it just shows his capabilities of love. How someone who thought he couldn't love has the ability to love intensely. The one who brings others together because of it (humans and faes, malleus and silver, etc)

He shows that you can love in all forms and you can change. He loves and hatched a fae. He loves and woke a human. He raised them as best he could.

In fact, it shows that Lilia can continue to learn to love and adapt. That he has the ability (or be forced) to do so.

He has shown love through actions, and now he has to learn to express love through words.

This can only happen when they can all talk and communicate. But this is another lesson isn't it? Another way for him to change and his boys to learn from him.

Because as he as loved through actions so have they, and now they need to learn to love through words and accept it as well.

So, no, I do not believe that Lilia loves one more than the other. I never understood that debate or where it came from.

Thank you for sending this in anonie, hope you enjoyed this essay 😂💚💕

[I would talk about Silver's curse but this post is long as is. So if you want to know about my thoughts about his curse, then let me know 🌺💕]

[devotion-that-corrupts]

Some rambles on the ending and the codependent nature of Constantin and De Sardet's relationships. Spoilers for the whole game under the cut.

When I played Greedfall for the first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about Constantin’s corruption arc. It didn’t really make sense to me. Why would he want absolute power over the island? He has plenty of power and probably lives quite a luxurious life already. He also says he finds politics boring if De Sardet asks him, so the desire to rule over the whole island full of people seemed to me very out of character.

I do understand that he went mad and everything, but my brain deemed it a boring explanation and kept searching for something more logical.

So here: I think his actions make more sense if they're driven not by greed but by jealousy, less hunger for power and more hunger for absolute love (either platonic or romantic).

Let me explain.

His family is all kinds of messed up. He thinks his father doesn’t care about him, and although we don’t know if he’s actually abusive, I can’t think of any good reason why Constantin would lie about this. His mother, if DLC is to be believed, is responsible for the death of his brother Laurent — Constantin being an heir is clearly more important to her than his wellbeing & mental health after the literal murder of his brother. We don’t know much about Laurent and Constantin’s relationship (although he doesn’t ever mention him & he says nobody cared for him but De Sardet, so maybe it wasn’t good? Maybe Laurent was better suited for politics? That would explain Prince d’Orsay’s disappointment. That’s just my theory though).

Anyway, what I’m saying is that a child needs unconditional love, and judging by this family and Constantin’s line “You've always been the only one to care for me. Our friendship is the only thing that matters to me”, he has only ever received love from De Sardet, which sounds like quite a fertile ground for unhealthy overly attached relationship.

Then the game starts, and the thing is… Well, they are not each other’s everything anymore. De Sardet goes to various cities & talks to every person imaginable & makes new friends, maybe even falls in love. Constantin meanwhile is chained to a palace, especially after his sickness is revealed. De Sardet's world grows beyond him, and he can’t follow them there.

So what do you do when the only person who matters to you grows apart from you? What do you do when you are driven mad with pain and may die alone, and they have to leave you?

Naturally, you find a way to bind them to you for all eternity, and in doing so alienate them from everyone but you. Constantin's smart enough to realize that if De Sardet's friends and allies fought against him, they would turn away if De Sardet joined him. But even if they wouldn't, they're mortal. Their death is inevitable. The only one who can keep De Sardet company for eternity is Constantin. Everyone but him will eventually leave.

That’s why “For you, for us”, that’s why “together, forever”. Not power over the island or some people, but power to keep the only person who loves him unconditionally close to him.

(Again, I acknowledge that this is extremely, extremely unhealthy. That’s exactly what makes their relationship so interesting.)

Anyway, as I said, it feels very in character for him to basically give up on humanity in favor of De Sardet. I can't look at him in the beginning or in the middle and say, “This character would do anything for power”. But I can look at him at any point of the game, any cutscene, and say, “This character would do anything for his loved one”.

[taureantarot]

Pick A Card

What negative force have you overcome?

(Piles 1-3, bottom to top) Using “Roast Iconic”, “Moonology” and “Golden Mantra” decks.

1) Cherry Wine by Hozier

“Get Fucked, Influencer, Feral, Legend”

Bottom of the deck says “Red Flag”

Oh, you’ve been a problem. Like Natalia Kills, “That girl is a problem, problem, problem”. You’ve snapped on people who have siphoned your patience and hope for their own cruelty; I sense really intense bullying and hatred here; you got some jealous bitches on your back and you’ve set that B.S. good two-shoes record straight. They say only god can judge us, and god is PROUD. Your behavior was entirely unacceptable and uncalled for but it was exactly what was coming for ‘em. That’s all I know. You did good. You will influence people around you to do the same, you’ve made changes in your circle without even knowing, and you ARE looking up to, but won’t be just as easily accepted. It’s the price of being a boss bitch. Whine to your therapist about it while rejoicing over freedom from energy vamps.

Don’t Let Your Past Hold You Back — I know you’re in some very big shoes in a very big way. You got to push forward. You got to take up space. You’ve made yourself known, don’t let your past cycles with these bullies (I get that very strongly) suppress your spirit. You hold the reins and you have more support than you know. I love you. You have love waiting for you to grasp on your end, too. Cherry Wine is important. But great fucking job. Be a bitch.

2) this is me trying by Taylor Swift

“Feral, Unicorn, Love + Gaslight, Privilege, Narcissist, Legend”

I see someone who isn’t at rock bottom, sorry. But you are no less worthy of empathy. I see you are working against years of abuse. Narcissistic feeding on your heart, your dreams. You haven’t been a good person, frankly. But you were not drinking from a good well of wisdom. Perhaps you have generational wealth or are a WASP as they say, no judgement here, but you ARE a legend for fighting back against that programming. Spirit is proud. I see this could be a very toxic relationship or set of relationships, cutting people off (space between by Sia), you’ve made a rift in a home base. But you are special. You ARE worth it. Be YOU. Not what is wanted of you.

You And Your Loved Ones Are Safe / Conclusions Are Within Reach — It’s painful now but this is necessary evil of gaining respect. You will thank yourself in good time. Just heal for now. I think it was an ugly conflict. It isn’t over, your family loves you. Whoever that is. But this was necessary.

3) Believer by Imagine Dragons

“Red Flag, Bitch, Snack, Vampire in reverse, Get Fucked, Stay In Your Lane, Fashion Witch”

I see someone proved “magic” is real. You had enemies. Real, genuine, bad juju sent your way. Possible abusive relationship here. Second song is “River” by Bishop Briggs, so this is definitely a relationship. You SURVIVED, bitch. You killed that fucker. I can feel it in my gut burning. Your rage, your hunger, your survival. You look good, you are what you said you were. I think someone wanted a piece and got burned playing with the wrong one. It wasn’t very respectable, you weren’t kind, but they were evil. You fucked around and found out about a crazy mofo on the other side of the coin. STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR LIFE. You aren’t the witch you need to be to play with evil. You’re lucky you’re protected. And don’t start with me. ;)

Hold Your Vision /Believe In The Impossible — Your energy will gain more ground. You will find love. You will be happy. Don’t be ashamed to grieve, but what you truly deserve is on its way. God says so. For now, don’t hurt yourself anymore. That’s your only job. Forget that cute witchcraft and learn some shit. You’re a badass. Don’t make it go to waste.

Last song “We Found Love” by Rihanna.

Bonus message for my new followers.

“Crush on You (feat. Lil’ Cease) — Remix” by Lil Kim

MY HEART IS OPEN TO GIVE AND RECEIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Celebrate and welcome the suitors that are coming correct. Just have fun. And follow, go to my ko-fi ;), dm requests. We both know you liked what you saw. Happy to serve. I’m the real deal. Stick around, and have some fun after your win. Don’t be ashamed to care for yourself. Love freely.

“Smuckers (feat. Lil Wayne and Kanye West)” — by Tyler the Creator

[tw1stedthicket]

You know what fucking sucks? Religion, particularly Christianity and its many forms, instills in you from birth that you are inherently unworthy, flawed to the point of unlovability, and your natural state is one of sinfulness and offensiveness to God and all that is good. You are systematically taught all your life that your worth comes in your redemption, and in the way you can let shame mold you into someone more subservient, obedient, and loyal to "God's path" or "God's ways". Your worthiness (all your self-worth, that is) is contingent on how much you can make up for the badness inside you, and become a vessel for light and God's power and whatnot. In the Mormon Church, I distinctly remember a leader very beloved by myself and many others, made his personal branding all about healing from your brokenness and how our lives can be meaningfully spent stumbling and stumbling and stumbling our way toward God again, and despite losing our way or even crawling on our hands and knees in despair or frustration, we are redeemed in our consistent "trying" for the right path and to be the right person/saint/disciple.

And then you deconstruct. However that comes about for you. The world opens up more, and you harbor more genuine feelings for others. You comprehend the limits of conditional love and perhaps glimpse at something more unconditional and free in the people who do accept you, and you feel real relief in their patience with you, that now there is so much more out here, and, and, and wow who knew that there could be so much joy in owning your choices and not having to be right and there is so much you were wrong about!! And...

There is so much you were wrong about.

And you see the gate open for you-- stretched wide with newfound possibilities, but surrounding it is so many fences. You have built up conditions around yourself and others your whole life. You still have maligned ways of understanding for some things, because embedded in you is patterns and ways of being from years, and even in your truest expression of who you are, you will find that you have been touched by what you were taught. And you were terribly wrong not in thought or opinion only but in your judgment. Your controlling. Your policing. Your defensiveness. Your need to be right. Your need to correct, to fix, to "save", to convert, even when you thought you were this vessel for light and the highest expression of love was in showing others "the right way to be" under the guise of sharing this love on a mission or unrelenting invitations or even your "example" -- you were enforcing the harshest punishment on others what you received from God: that others were not enough, and broken, and flawed.

And it feels like it was true that you are inherently sinful. That you shouldn't trust yourself. That your intuition is wrong. You are a cruel and uncaring person, and you could be domineering and unempathetic and disingenous even outside of it all, even when belief no longer burdens you, and you are in need of redemption. To fix yourself...to be worthy again.

It's hard to know and feel my way through what I need to do to make things right in a way that is not self-martyrdom, like falling before a cross and admitting your sins and expecting there to be a divine judgment received that may absolve you. The truth is, is people may not forgive you. Or if they do, they might not want you in their life again, or as closely as it was before. But you can't let shame be what motivates you or tempers you into the shape of someone contrite and pure because forgiveness is only as free as your sincere apology is, unconditionally, and...recognition that you had a choice, you are responsible for it even if not responsible for the driving factor behind it in your religious indoctrination, but you have to recognize you are *NOT* inherently flawed and unworthy. It's hard to believe that you are worthy either way of having friends, having trust, having connection, having authenticity. If you are also from a dysfunctional/abusive home, your boundaries and shame are even more blurred.

I wish I had more answers, but I think the truth is in what religion perverted: love can be the solid motivator for your change. My friendships helped me get out, the ones who chose to be patient with me. It's hard for me to not view their patience as generosity, like God's, when I was inherently undeserving of it, but I try to accept that what was more likely is that they had boundaries, and maybe that's more realistic and important than any notion of perfect, 'unconditional' love. I doubt they came to me with everything, all their thoughts or fullest self. I believe they more than likely said and did certain things to assauge me or learned what was off the table and what wasn't to talk about or do. But they also saw that I was lovable despite my flaws in a non-black and white way - holding space for contradictions like that as if it didn't mean damnation. Even the friends I have grown apart with have never treated me like I wasn't enough. That's not a concept to them. They may have drawn stricter boundaries for themselves, but they were kinder than any God I knew to always treat me with respect even in their distance, and in that way, it holds me more accountable because it acknowledges that I am capable of being a good person. An open-minded, nonjudgmental, caring, accepting person, even if imperfectly. But it's up to me and my choices. Maybe it's not about redemption, but trust. I know my deconstruction is going to probably be lifelong. I know I have so much to learn and experience. But I am grateful for the patience and love of people who saw me not through the lens of religion because they were the ones who helped me get out and get free and be the best version of myself. I hope I can rid myself of my shame and rather understand that the most important work in redemption is not about fashioning myself into an un-boundaried, unassuming, self-sacrificing, or overbearing "light" for a deity that cares only about my loyalty, with a kindness that is about changing people more than getting to just be human with them and accept them, with bludgeoning myself with amorphous and nebulous values of goodness and righteousness that have me putting on a mask to diffuse what is actually authentic about connection; that it is more so my duty and my privilege to get to *earn* the *trust* of other people through being the kind of person that I know I have had within me, perhaps not always embodied, but within me, all along -- not inherently bad, but worthy of love and friendship.

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

On Baz and unconditional love

Baz has a better understanding of love because, unlike Simon, he grew up being loved. But you can see something in Baz's responses to Simon's reaction every time the kidnapping incident is brought up: Baz doesn’t know what to do when he receives unconditional, unapologetic love. One that, when dealing with arguably the most traumatic moment of Baz’s life, doesn’t avoid vulnerability, doesn’t chastise him for “letting it happen” because “he’s a Pitch, he should be stronger than that” or awkwardly offers therapy but lets it all go like it never happened when Baz doesn’t take the offer on the first try.   

Baz has experience feeling unconditional love, but I don’t think he has much experience receiving it, perhaps to the point he doesn’t even expect it... Which doesn’t mean his family doesn’t genuinely love him, but he doesn’t perceive their love like it comes with no “buts” (and the adults are pretty bad at expressing it). All of them had made him feel small, shamed, and otherized in one way or another, like there wouldn’t be a place for him if he were to be himself and not conform to their wishes and expectations. It says so much that he wonders whether his dead mom, who he only remembers as loving him, would want him dead if she knew who he was. While Daphne seems to generally make his life easier, she’s not without fault (says much that Baz doesn’t know whether she means “the gay thing” or the “vampire thing” when speaking about being cured iirc, and his surprise when she wants to invite his “friend” Simon) and seems like a weaker figure. (Baz’s nuanced understanding of said adults screams of “child forced to grow up and mature too fast.”) 

When Simon says things like “I’d found you sooner, sparring you pain,” and “I’d slaughter anyone who hurts you” Baz doesn’t know how to react. He can’t believe it, and he tries to deny/downplay it with “nah you hated me then, what are you talking about.” Even after he has seen Simon go nuclear and kill because he was being sexually harassed, after having had this conversation with Simon in his house and already hearing Simon saying he would’ve saved him then, and after already hearing Simon says he loves him: Baz still “jokes” that Simon would’ve “just sent them a thank-you card, actually.” This upsets Simon, and with good reason: it’s fucked up to assume anyone would make light of someone they love getting hurt, and Simon is one to take this kind of thing very seriously... but this is pretty in line with the fucked up kind of “tough love” Baz is used to receiving from Fiona. She did slaughter his captors, but she also implies he should be embarrassed for being captured like that in the first place. She’s very unserious in a pretty messed up way with the whole “back seat” business. He gets no real reassurance from her. Baz wants to be loved gently, but “rough and unserious” in a delicate situation involving his well-being is what he got from her. Simon wants to do what Fiona did (slaughtering Baz’s captors) but unlike her, his first reaction (after he tellingly stops eating) is “why wasn’t I informed? I would have been faster and more efficient.” With this, Simon is criticizing the people who were in charge of protecting Baz. He’s saying he would have done a much better job of protecting him.  

When Simon tells Baz “there’s nothing about you I don’t want” it’s massive, and we don’t get Baz's reaction at all. The scene cuts there, with Simon running off. I don’t think Baz knew what to do with himself then, with that information. Until that point, the adults in his life have loved him despite certain parts of himself, pretending those parts don’t exist. So when he hears that Simon knows and loves every single part of him, he’s... blank. We don’t know how he feels then, and I don’t think he himself knows either. 

Simon expressing love

When Simon first tells Baz he loves him, he also tells him that murder is basically a love language for him (“I have killed so many things for you”). It sounds unhinged as hell, but makes perfect sense when you see his examples. Simon grew up unloved, and through the role that shaped half of his life, he learns to express love by being a protector (killing). With Baz, who has special dietary needs, he expresses love by also being a provider (also killing). As he works on himself and their relationship, as he becomes better at identifying and managing his feelings, he tells us that he can’t stand to see Baz unhappy, and that he wants to be the person who takes care of him and makes him happy. He specifically finds it thrilling to be the person who can do that for him. 

However, with everything Simon has done in his hero days, with all his power and training etc, etc, etc... when the love of his life needed to be saved, Simon “was useless” because he didn’t know. He looked for Baz everywhere he could, but he never got a real chance of finding him because no one knew shit.  This is the kind of thing that Simon avoids thinking about because it would fuck him up too much. His “I would have saved you” stands out to me, because the way he says it conveys the one way he knows to express love: murder (ha). (Considering Simon isn’t good with words, with voicing his feelings and what’s on his mind, he only starts communicating and voicing things after Baz lets him know he needs to hear it, after Baz lets him know the wordless ways he’s been conveying his love are not reaching Baz, they are getting lost in translation, etc)

It’s there in CO, even before Simon realizes the full extent of his feelings for Baz, in the way he stops eating (food is connected to love in the series) in his frustration with not being informed, in the way Penny can tell with a glance that Simon must be fantasizing with killing numpties. In awtwb, as Simon begins to work through his issues, we see how he can’t stop putting his hands on Baz. As Simon feels secure in their relationship, he’s a very touchy person (not being able to touch Baz is linked to torture and touching him to sustenance in SFC). And not all his touch is sexual. There are a lot of affectionate, playful cheek kisses, for instance... I bring this up because I noticed that in awtwb, when they talk about the numpties again, Simon incorporates touch. Alongside emphasizing he would’ve slaughtered his captors, he holds and kisses Baz, as if he could soothe and kiss the pain away. In both CO and awtwb, when the numpties incident comes up, Simon expresses love in the way that comes naturally to him, in the only ways he knows how. 

[alexalessandro]

Frederick is not what you think

I saw a lot of people take umbrage with Frederick's new characterization in the train cart scene, but this is setting us up for either misdirect or a deeper nuanced take on Frederick's character.

Remember, they're setting up a parallel between the love Percy knows and understands and the love Annabeth has come to accept.

Percy is our voice for unconditional love. It's why he loves and trusts so fiercely; loyalty is his fatal flaw. He hasn't received much love from the world, but he will hang on with dear life to the love of the few people in his life. He will sacrifice himself for Grover and Annabeth. He will lay down his life on a quest he didn't want for the slight chance it could bring his mom back. He is loyal and stubborn, and he can't, and won't, accept the gods' definition of love and family.

"This is the kind of family the gods are to each other..."

"But at least with the gods you know the rules"

Annabeth is our proxy for every child demigod at camp, for all the campers that drunk down the Kool-Aid camp half-blood and the gods are feeding them. Most of these kids didn't have a Sally in their life. They didn't have someone who loved them and stayed in their corner no matter what. "All that matters is that you're safe... I told him I believe my kid, it was a very short call".

Annabeth has fully bought into the fact that love is conditional, that to be the pride of Athena's offspring, she has to be perfect.

"A monument to perfection... that's how you show Athena your love"

Now... Frederick.

From the train cart scene, we understand that Annabeth felt loved by Frederick and that she was "treated as a gift", but even gifts can be returned.

To argue in favor of Frederick for a second here, the way children of Athena come into this world is extremely jarring for their mortal parent. In the case of most other gods that have normal relations with humans, at least both parties are in favor during the act (one can only hope) or can expect a child as an outcome. With Athena, a child just plops on your doorstep after a nice conversation you had with a woman once and surprise surprise! You're a parent now! Congratulations! No, we do not take receipts.

This doesn't set up the relationship between the kid and the parent to be amazing (just another way that gods keep being inconsiderate of mortals and their children), to Frederick's merit, at least he tries with Annabeth in the series.

Their situation is neither of their fault he knows that, so he reframes Annabeth's arrival as a gift (prompting her to idolize her mom even before she knew she was a half-blood). He tries to be a good parent to Annabeth, but if there's anything that Annabeth's story and the fact that he didn't even try to look for her in the 5 years she's been missing tells us that he wasn't all that grateful for Athena's gift. Yet again, the only instance of love Annabeth has ever known has been conditional. I'll love you until I start a proper family of my own. I'll love you until it becomes inconvenient to go after you.

This leaves Annabeth with only Luke... Even Thalia had her "prove herself".

Thalia was most likely worried about Annabeth's chances of survival if she traveled with her. Annabeth was 7, untrained, traveling with a forbidden child of Zeus, with Hades actively trying to kill them. It makes sense she would try to keep Annabeth at arm's length at first, for both their sakes.

TLDR: In the end, I believe the series is setting up Frederick to be more of a nuanced character. He tried with Annabeth but he let her run away, proving his love to be conditional. I think the series is setting up Annabeth and Percy to be mirrors of each other in the way they perceive and understand love, all to make it all the sweeter and more painful once they discover the traitor's motivations because Percy gets it, but Annabeth won't understand. Annabeth perceiving Frederick's love as genuine and unconditional even though he didn't look for her is essential to set up her worldview of the gods and parental love.