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onceuponapuffin · 3 days
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Fanatic Intervention Part 8!!
I see your votes everyone, and I hear your voices. But before I can, in good conscience, place us in Heathrow, I need to share this with you.
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In the end, convincing Aziraphale (who, surprise surprise, had never flown on a plane) that First Class was the way to go wasn’t all that hard.
“Otherwise you fly all cramped with hundreds of other people!” You say. Crowley nods.
“Mmmmm yes,” the demon agrees, “Imagine being elbow-to-elbow with all those humans. Feet in your face, children kicking the back of your seat, sharing an armrest!”
“I rather like humans though,” says Azirphale, even though he looks a little pale at the mention of armrests, “And I would be next to you anyway.”
“What about the humans who haven’t showered for days?” You ask, “How long has it been since the last time you were near one person, nevermind a hundred-ish, who didn’t follow basic hygiene practices? A few hundred years?”
Aziraphale’s face falls. Crowley chimes in.
“Oh yes, just imagine all the sweat and grease from the airport food.”
“And then there are the babies that travel. I mean, their ears pop when the plane takes off and when it lands, and they only really have one coping strategy.”
“Aaah,” Crowley says, “The crying babes! Think of all the crying babies and no escape! Not for hours and hours and hours.”
“And then,” You say, “There’s the in-flight meal.” Here, you seem to have struck a cord. Duh, you should have led with this. Aziraphale raises an eyebrow.
“Oh? They serve food?”
“Psh,” You say, “If you can call it that. They ask you if you want chicken or vegetarian, and then they plop a cardboard box with a film top in front of you.”
“It’s dreadful,” agrees Crowley, “All bland and clearly frozen and warmed up in a microwave.”
“And if you’re lucky, you can tell that it’s meant to be a sandwich,” You add.
“Supposing you can tell that it’s food at all!” Crowley says with a nod, “And their wine list is small potatoes.”
“Small bland potatoes,” You say, “If you can call them potatoes at all – served in the tiniest bottles and the tiniest glasses you ever did see.”
You noticed Aziraphale’s eye twitch ever so slightly.
“And in First Class they...they serve actual food and wine, do they?”
“Oh yeah,” You say, “with proper service and cloth napkins and everything. Most of the airline websites say that the food’s prepared by an actual chef.”
“And the glasses are normal sizes, and made of actual glass,” adds Crowley for good measure. Aziraphale hums.
“Yes, fine. Clearly First Class is the only acceptable way to travel.” He leaves the room. You hear the kettle turn on. He probably needs some tea to calm his nerves after hearing all that. You turn to Crowley.
“So you’ve gone on a plane before, huh? Did you invent the food? I would not be surprised if you did.”
“Me?” Crowley says, “Naaaah. Never flown on a plane. Never needed to. But I know a bit of fun when I see it.”
You look up at him and sigh, cradling your chin in your hands for effect.
“It really is no wonder why Aziraphale loves you so much.”
“Ngk,” Crowley says, his ears turning pink.
-----
And now, dear Reader, we arrive at Heathrow. Anathema and Newt had met you at the bookshop, and the four of you drove over together in the Bentley after bidding Newt and Muriel goodbye. You spend the entire wait in line at airport security feeling nervous. Airport security is always a test for your nerves to begin with, but this time you have no passport or paperwork of any kind to twiddle in your hands to take the edge off. Instead, you fidget relentlessly with the button in your pocket (Muriel, being an observant and kind soul, had given you a large-ish green button to put in your pocket “Because you seem nervous, and it looked like it helped you last time.” You swear if anyone harms your new best friend while you’re gone you will end them). The line goes quicker than you would like, and when it gets to be your turn, honestly you’re not sure what happens. It all goes smoothly. Did Aziraphale and Crowley miracle you a passport? Did they click a finger or wave a hand to convince the guard that everything was in order? You have no idea, because you’re too focused on your nerves and Trying Not To Look Suspicious While Worrying That This Makes You Look More Suspicious Than You Would If You Could Just Be Normal About This (if you know the feeling, you know why it gets to be capitalized like that).
Once the stress of airport security is done, you head to the bathroom for a break from the chaos so that you can figure out how to breathe again. Normally, you wouldn’t be That Person to occupy the Accessible Washroom, but since you are desperately trying not to have a panic attack because of all the pent-up anxiety from the whole airport security thing, you decide that you Really Cannot Do People Right Now, and that the single-occupant washroom may be your saving grace. You lock the door and sigh, leaning against the cold metal. It’s comparatively quiet here, and you’re grateful for it. Thank Someone. You resolve to try not to be too long in case someone who actually needs this washroom comes by (although I’m gonna be honest here, reader, right now you need this room for invisible accessibility/health reasons). After a minute or two, you are finally starting to feel your anxiety return to a manageable level. Everything is okay. You are traveling with the most ideal companions you could ever dream of, and the worst part is over. Everything from here on out is smooth sailing.
Except, dear reader, you all voted. And So It Shall Be.
You’ve just finished drying your hands.
“Aah,” says a voice behind you. You jump a solid 3 feet in the air. “I thought I might find you here.”
“HOLY! FUCKING! ZOMBIE! JESUS!!!” You sputter.
“Mind your manners, human.”
“Manners?? ME?? This is a WASHROOM.”
The Metatron looks at you blankly and shrugs. Ah yes, the biggest jerk in Heaven doesn’t know or care about washrooms or privacy. Or actually being polite.
“I merely wanted to have a word with you. Away from the others, of course.”
“Yeeeaaaaah,” You say. You’ve seen a million movies (approximate), and read a million books (also approximate), you know what this is. This is the maybe we can still solve this problem quietly plot. And you know that actually having the conversation is a bad idea. “I don’t think so.”
You reach for thee door. It’s locked, and it won’t unlock. Of course. You (gently) pound your head against the door, before turning to face Metatron. You take a breath, and answer as calmly as you can given how angry you are.
“What. Do you want?”
“I merely hoped that we could agree upon...an arrangement.”
“Pretty sure I made it clear back at the bookshop that I’m not letting you anywhere near them.”
“Oh dear, no. This has nothing to do with the demon or with Aziraphale. This is about you.”
You mentally brace yourself. Here comes the manipulation. You inwardly remind yourself of the tropes of villain manipulation and all the things you’ve ever shouted at the tv screen after one of these interactions. You need to be prepared, because apparently you need to play this out. And so, you give him the response he clearly wants.
“What about me?”
“Well, my dear, I only thought that perhaps you might like to go home.”
“Ha! Nice try.”
“You have no desire to return to your family? Your friends? Your life?”
“Not right now, thanks.”
“And you think you’ll get a similar offer later?”
“I mean...well yeah. I don’t know whether I would actually want to go back yet but --”
“You think Aziraphale and his associates will want to keep you as their pet forever? My dear, they only entertain you right now because you’re useful to them.”
Okay, I mean you knew that already but still. Ouch. Hearing it out loud is just...Ouch. Unfortunately, you do not have the Acting Prowess of either Michael Sheen or David Tennant, and so the Metatron sees the Ouch. He smiles kindly.
“Here, you are merely a tool,” he continues, voice smooth as honey, “And back home there are people who love you and value your presence in their lives. Back home there are people who miss you purely because you are you. Here, you are well, a convenience. A help. But that’s all. And once this is all over, there is no promise, no guarantee that you would be able to return. And no reason for Aziraphale to keep you. You would need to start again, and since you needed the help of an angel to get through airport security, I’m guessing that would be very difficult for you. And then, of course, there’s your immortal soul to be concerned about once the Final Judgment comes to pass.”
You ignore the bait, even though it stings. Take a breath. You’ve got this.
“That’s all irrelevant right now,” You say.
“Is it? It seems that you’re….what’s that charming human expression? Flying by the seat of your pants?” He chuckles at his own joke. You smile awkwardly. Well, yes you are, but the heroes in stories do all the time. They figure it out as they go. You are doing no worse than any of them. You don’t find the joke so funny. And frankly his laughter is unsettling.
“Um...” You start uncertainly, “Well if that’s all, then can I go now?”
“In a moment,” the Metatron says smugly. Oh you hate that he has so much control right now. “First I would like to extend to you the offer of some help. I would like to see you home safely, at a time of your choosing. Whenever you feel that you are ready.”
“And you have the power to do that, do you?” You’re skeptical.
“I have the power of all Creation at my disposal.”
“Riiiiight. Just out of the goodness of your own angelic heart. That’s very kind of you Metatron.” You’re not sure if he hears the edge of sarcasm. He shrugs regardless.
“There is of course, one and only one thing I would like from you if you decide to take my help.”
“Oooooof course there is. I’m not letting you near Aziraphale and Crowley.”
“Once again, my dear, this has nothing to do with them. All I would like is to know why your first instinct was to take that coffee. The full truth, mind you. None of that sarcasm or loophole nonsense that you humans are so fond of. And do not be foolish enough to think I can’t tell the difference.” He looks at you pointedly.
That’s...a suspiciously innocuous request. But then again, it usually is with these sort of things, isn’t it? You feign non-chalance and tap your foot for emphasis.
“Are you done yet?” You ask obstinately. The door unlocks audibly behind you.
“Just think about it,” says the Metatron, “No rush.”
Oh yes there is one. You rush to open the door. Never before have you felt so relieved to be in a crowded place.
Don't worry about airplane route logistics or whether or not you can actually get a direct flight from Heathrow to Orlando. Just vote for whatever you would like :)
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤
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thursdayinspace · 5 days
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every time I get an email from ao3 telling me somebody left a comment on one of my fics, every time I see that somebody reblogged something I wrote on tumblr, my day improves instantly. every time it makes me feel that I want to keep going. so I just want to say this to all of you who comment and reblog: I hope you know how important you are.
stories, art, meta -- those things aren't created in a vacuum. they are part of an ongoing conversation between the material, the fic/meta writers and artists, and the people who interact with what they read and see. and that's not just true for art and all forms of writing. the whole world is a big, intertextual web made of billions of voices. we react to each other and that's how we create community and art.
every time you react to something you've enjoyed, you contribute to that conversation. every time you do that in a positive way, you tell the writer or artist "I hear you and I care enough to respond." even if it's nothing more than "I love this." it means artists and writers know their voices aren't just being swallowed up by the great big void. it encourages people to keep expressing their takes on the conversation that is art and writing. it means we all get to have more of it.
all of this to say: commenters and rebloggers, you are superstars. thank you. I love you.
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cosmiclion · 10 days
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I refuse to be deflated (no I won't get tired of making memes).
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bts-trans · 5 months
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231214 Jin’s Instagram Post
웃길줄 알았는데..눈물이ㅠㅠ
I thought I would be laughing but..these tears ㅠㅠ
Trans cr; Aditi @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS
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fattributes · 9 months
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What kind of lasagna are we going to get? Are there any ingredients I should have left out or considered instead? Do you think the final results will resemble a real dish? Let me hear your predictions!
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opossumking69 · 3 months
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hearmeout HEAR ME OUT
Jekyll kicking his legs on his bed that he doesn't actually sleep on, writing his journal and sighing dreamily like a schoolgirl over Lanyon
Bitch is in a Disney Channel movie
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Sorry it took so long! But here you go
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astarions-musings · 5 months
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This story is about survivors, who’ve seen the worst that life has to offer and said “Fuck you, I’m gonna be happy regardless.”
This one’s for the people who clawed their way up from rock bottom, with bleeding hands and bleeding hearts, supported by headmates who know exactly what you’ve been through and how to support you in ways you never realised they could. 
It’s about the hope the world couldn’t tear from your heart, the life they couldn’t squeeze from your lungs, the fire in your eyes that they thought they’d put out, but yet it still fucking burns.
This one’s about the future, for people who never thought they’d get one.
It’s about what happens after the happy endings, when you’ve fought off the monsters and made friends with your demons (they make damn good headmates), and yet the story goes on. It’s about the nights you spend stitching together a new sense of self, about patching the holes in the person you once new, about moving into a whole new self like a hermit crab who outgrew its old shell, admiring the claws and the fangs and the dashing good looks of the new form.
It’s about sitting down in a bed under the warm blankets, surrounded by the creature comforts that your system’s collected, and approaching your trauma like you’d approach a stray dog. Moving softly and gently, with some comforting treats to help it feel safe, letting it approach you at the pace it feels safe at. Feeling your heart break into pieces at how awfully this animal has been treated, feeling the cold rage in your soul at the bastards who abused this animal so cruelly, but also the hope and the joy at the life this creature still has ahead of it.
It’s about looking the pain in the eye and going “Fuck you, I’m gonna be happy regardless, and I don’t care how much work it’s gonna take.”
It’s about people like us. It’s about people like you.
And you’re not alone.
So welcome to the story. Let’s write a new chapter.
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foxsoulcourt · 10 months
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AO3 donators/Fic readers: please be patient + careful. Help more people know what’s up by REBLOGGING this post - thx!
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respectthepetty · 2 months
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No names, but I'm actively watching four of my mutuals catching up on Dead Friend Forever, and it's even better than watching the show. I'm refreshing their pages and checking their tags for their latest watch because no matter how they feel about the show, all of them have hit the same notes we did watching it live:
The hand
The tree
Uncle Dang
Money laundering
The horrors!
These boys?!
Keng
Phee (Phi)
And now they are rounding on New
Regardless if they like it or not, we are all in this together now!
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etrevil · 7 months
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Now that the season finale is out, and the anime-only ending is rainbows and sunshine and a hint of sulfur from an explosion, begs the question on what the manga still has in store for us huh :'D
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onceuponapuffin · 20 hours
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Fanatic Intervention Part 9!!
Beginning || Previous || Next
*****************
You pound your way to the nearest bar, where everyone had agreed to meet. The three of them are standing around, talking over glasses of wine. Your hands are in fists, your nails digging into your palms as you approach. They acknowledge you as you enter their field of vision, but you say nothing. Instead, you beeline for Aziraphale, put your arms around him, and hang on for dear life. Sometimes you just need to hug an angel.
There’s a pause where Anathema says something about your aura, and then Aziraphale hugs you back.
Dear Reader, I’m not sure if it ever happened in your life, but for this Puffin there came a time when it was made very clear that wanting to be held or wanting to lean on another person in public was unacceptable (and, in fact, embarrassing) once you reached a certain age. And yet, we as humans are social creatures. The need to be held is a very normal response, especially after something particularly upsetting happens (like having the sanctity of washroom privacy violated, for example). Perhaps you’re not the kind of person who, out of nowhere, feels the desire to be held, but perhaps you know someone who is. And so, I would like to impress upon you the incredible difference it makes, the immeasurable relief it brings, to know that you have someone with you who will hold you back without question or comment. Just hold you, and wait.
Aziraphale makes it clear he intends to do just that.
“Take your time, dear,” he says gently. And so you do.
After a moment, the clink of a glass next to you makes you look up. Someone has given you a glass of the same wine everyone else has. You pull away and take a sip, feeling much calmer and very grateful.
“Thanks,” You say.
“Anytime,” Aziraphale replies.
“What happened?” Anathema asks.
Thus, you recount how Metatron trapped you in the washroom until he had said his peace. By the time you finish, there are three very angry faces around you. You feel validated enough to take another, much larger, sip of the wine. Aziraphale is the first to speak.
“Well for starters, I invite you to stay in my bookshop however long you like. Pet indeed! You are a help, yes, but you are a guest, and certainly not disposable, whatever he says.”
“And,” Crowley adds, “From what you said, Aziraphale and I can get you home whenever you want anyway. Probably, I mean. No dUbIOus motives involved, at least.”
Anathema seems to be thinking. After another few seconds, she asks:
“Why did you take the coffee?”
You all look at her, surprised.
“Well I mean,” she continues, “If the Metatron wants to know, he probably has a reason. If you tell us, maybe we can figure it out for ourselves and find a way around it.”
“Or they could just not tell him,” Crowley suggests with snark. “Then it doesn’t matter.”
“I mean, it might,” Anathema counters, “We don’t know that it doesn’t.”
“I took it because of the Coffee Theory,” You say with a shrug. It’s not like it’s a big deal. “But I mean, I don’t know why that would matter to him.”
“Well,” Anathema says, “That might depend on what the Coffee Theory is.”
“Well, it’s the idea that the Metatron did something to that coffee he was going to give Aziraphale. To, like, make Aziraphale trust him, or listen to him or whatever, so that he would go back to Heaven.” You pause. “There’s also an interpretation of it where it was a metaphor like ‘take my offer or face death.’ But most people think about the first one, and that’s the one that was in my brain when I did it. There aren’t a lot of people who actually believe it. I mean, not anymore, anyway.”
“So you think the Metatron drugged Aziraphale’s coffee?” Anathema raises an eyebrow. “And you drank it, yes? So...did he?”
“No,” You reply, “It was exactly what it was supposed to be. An oat milk latte with almond syrup. And I didn’t think he actually messed with it. I just wasn’t willing to take the chance, that’s all.”
Crowley’s face scrunches. “And you think he might need to know that for some reason?” He looks pointedly at Anathema.
“He might,” She gives a thoughtful hum. “I’ll think about it. I might ask the Cards later.”
-----------
The wait for boarding didn’t feel so long after that. As you board, you notice how spacious First Class is. Aziraphale and Crowley sit in the seats ahead of you and Anathema, with Aziraphale in the window seat. You notice Crowley casually trying to stick his legs out into the aisle and wonder vaguely whether it’s because he needs the space, or to try and trip the flight attendants. Both? Probably both. Okay, definitely both, you note, as a stewardess almost falls face-first into the aisle. Aziraphale gently swats at Crowley in reprimand, but you can tell it’s half-hearted and wholly-fond.
Your only trouble comes when you need to use the washroom, but Anathema, ever clever and aura-observant, suggests to go with you so that you can knock if anything goes wrong. Thankfully, nothing does, and you both return to your seats.
“You know,” Anathema says, leaning forward, “I just overheard the strangest thing. It seems that all of the normal airline food on this plane has gone missing. All that they have to serve is the first-class food.”
“Wait,” You say, holding back a laugh, “So everyone on this flight gets to eat the fancy, chef-prepared, gourmet meals?”
Crowley doesn’t hold back his laugh. “Oh, the big bosses won’t like that!”
“You two wouldn’t have had anything to do with that, would you?” Anathema asks suspiciously. You notice she’s smiling while she says it.
“Psh!” Crowley waves away the thought. “Why would I? Doesn’t matter to me either way.”
“Honestly, Miss Device,” Aziraphale adds, “I have no idea why you immediately accuse us of something that seems so clearly to be a mere...clerical error.”
Ah-ha! Culprit found. Clerical error your arse.
“You know,” You sigh, “It really is no wonder why Crowley loves you so much.”
“Ngk,” says Crowley. Aziraphale responds with a pleased-sounding hum. You relax, and notice between the seats that Aziraphale places his hand on top of Crowley’s and leaves it there.
They like holding hands – your insides scream.
--------
When you disembark from the plane, you hear all the other passengers around you complimenting the flight attendants on the excellent food and promising to leave excellent reviews online. You keep your laughter as quiet as you can. Aziraphale’s little prank is going to cause the airline issues for YEARS. Crowley must be so proud.
The speed and ease with which you clear customs and baggage claim is probably because you’re traveling with two supernatural entities. In no time at all, you’re outside of the airport flagging down a cab. Crowley opens the door with enthusiasm and outright glee.
“After you, Angel,” he says, “You think 90 miles an hour in London is bad, I can’t wait for you to see this!”
Dear Reader, I don’t know if you have ever been to New York City, but I assure you that Crowley’s driving has nothing on the NYC cabbies. Aziraphale spends the entire drive trying to hold on to something and taking deep breaths as the cab violently jerks to a stop millimeters from the car in front. You suggest he close his eyes. He does. It doesn’t seem to help.
-------
The taxi lets you out in front of The Ritz. Because of course you’re staying at The Ritz. Aziraphale goes to check in while Crowley tells Anathema he needs the washroom, and mutters to you that he wants to empty all the soap dispensers. You try so hard to hold in your laughter that it comes out your nose anyway. The demon flashes you a cheeky grin before disappearing around the corner. Anathema looks at you.
“Probably been a while since he had a fresh audience,” You say to her. She chuckles.
“And you’re so obliging too. No doubt he’s having a great time with all this.”
“Hey, Anathema,” You begin uncertainly, “How...I mean...I’m just worried about...things. How are we going to find Jesus anyway? I just...I don’t really have anymore information to give. I don’t even know if he’s going to be a baby or an adult this time.”
“Hm...” Anathema thinks for a minute, “Well, I’m going to try and get some readings, see if I can get some kind of direction for us to go in. It’s a big country, but what I’m hoping is that it will sort of work like dowsing.”
“Dowsing? Like looking for water with sticks?”
“Sort of. In a nutshell, you pay attention to the vibrations in the Earth, and the closer you get, the stronger the vibrations become. It makes sense to think that Jesus would make pretty noticeable vibrations. That’s my working hypothesis anyway.”
You nod. That will do for now. Aziraphale and Crowley both return, with the demon wiping his hands on his trousers, and the four of you take the elevator to your room.
The Royal Suite.
“Are...you….serious??” Anathema asks. Honestly, you’re too stunned looking around the enormous suite with four bedrooms to say anything. It’s bigger than most houses. You take out your phone and start taking pictures.
“Well, if we’re going to stay at The Ritz,” Aziraphale says cheerfully, pronouncing the capital letters, “Best to do it Properly.”
“But this is ridiculous!”
Aziraphale isn’t paying attention anymore. He’s gone to tell Crowley not to draw mustaches on the expensive artwork.
“Unlimited resources,” You say to her, “Make for expensive taste.”
“No, kidding,” she sighs, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m gonna need some help with these two.”
Ha, You think to yourself, I knew it.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤
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^ If you want to see JUST how ridiculous the royal suite is.
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alilsakurablossom · 9 months
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one day more x we're all in this together xoxoooxoxo
i dont know what possessed me to make this i havent even seen high school musical
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astrum-aetherium · 9 months
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henry reacting to your whimpers while you fuck, he'd be so cocky fr
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wow, what a thought. and what an excruciatingly accurate one, too. i can picture it perfectly.
because i believe him to secretly thrive on validation, your quite profound verbal responses to his efforts would thrill him greatly. it would go straight to his head, despite the stoicism and whatnot. after all, we all want our certain portions of affirmation at times. your various sounds, laced with pleasure and yearning, would breathe life into him. but also hubris. on specific occasions, he would even mock you for them.
at first, it'd be a mere grin. his face, tense and furrowed due to the exertion, would be brightened by melting into a smug, knowing semi-smirk. you wouldn't even register it at first. with time, as he'd go harder, you'd mewl even louder and more desperately — given that he's had a little bit to drink, i guess that he'd be dangerously likely to deride you verbally, as well.
in less memorable cases, it'd be mere ridiculing hisses like mmhm? that good? or yeah?. on other, notably monumental occasions, however...
"how very responsive," he'd utter, voice breathy and low. at first, you'd mistake his claim for praise, only for him to continue, "quite pathetic, though, if you ask me." all that would come filtering through his tight lips, still strung up in a smirk that would be too uncharacteristically vain. in spite of obviously intended to be derisive, it'd intrigue and excite you fully. who knows — maybe you'll theratrically increase your volume, just to see where that might lead.
in addition, imagine how that would pan out if he was angry... and i'm talking when he's completely letting it all out on you... perhaps in an environment not entirely private, like the nightfallen kitchen of francis' country house or a not exactly thick-walled hotel room... in such instances, combined with his previously established irritation, soft whimpers would already be enough to land you on his bad side, and thereby in the realm of degradation. good god, just shut it... you filthy-mouthed, disobedient thing...
but, y'know, just a notion. all hypothetical. nothing too serious.
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tears-of-the-angel · 7 months
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bullshitpoetry · 5 months
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We're all the same at this age - scared out of our fucking minds and hoping everything will sort itself out.
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ravenelyx · 7 months
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There's nothing more rewarding than posting my silly delusional headcanons and people reblogging/commenting 'CANON' on them.
You're feeding my delusions, and I love you for it.
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