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femsolid · 3 years

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Any good book recommendations or saved posts about body image? Stress and poverty play a role for me, but I keep relapsing with my eating disorder... I am having the hardest time accepting my body even though logically I know, it weighs what its suppose to weigh, looks the way its suppose to look, although I am not teeny tiny or "conventual." I miss my anorexia a lot... I hate and feel ashamed of my body and am trying not to. My mother told me a doctor would say 120 pounds was healthy but she felt it was "too heavy." I was 13 and only 100 pounds when she told me this... My father also sexually assaulted me and was a grandiose narcissistic who constantly sexualized my body. I struggle to even feel my body is mine. My mother was a covert/vulnerable narcissist who felt the world was unfair to her, was in denial of the abuse and hated me for "making" her feel like a bad mom, and could not take criticism. I starved myself from periodically from ages 14-21 to lose rapid weight, usually in the summer, and got a lot of praise and compliments. I starved to stay at 105 pounds. Then sought recovery and she kept bullying me about my food portions, and complained that I was gaining weight. I was in shcok and so grief stricken and anxious by her behavior that I started throwing up and she told me I was vomiting because I was eating too much and encouraged me to vomit or to eat less. She's dead and I am still in shock. I struggle to love my body now... I feel so fat and ugly. I know beauty standards are based on pedophila and being thin is based on this oppressive system, but I feel so damaged and worthless over the praise I got for being thin, and being dehumanized where no one cared that I was essentially harming my health by starving myself, as long as I had virtually no body fat. I hate the fat on my body, and have rationalized that its ok to eat 1,800 despite my doctors orders to eat 1,800, telling myself its arbitrary advice. I hate this disease, and am afraid I will never feel good enough :( (sorry for the sob story; I love and believe in radical feminism, but due to trauma, can't apply it to myself, it doesn't register emotionally. I worry no one will ever love me or find me attractive because I am "so fat." I have a puffy tummy, but my jeans are only 24 inches... so my mind must be distorted. I have relapsed twice this month. I dont want to feel this way. I don't want to hate myself or my body. I wish I had a men in black stick to forget the trauma or their mean words, it has taken over my reality. I think people are full of it when they pull the (also harmful, cause it still tailors to the male gaze,) idea that men "prefer thick women" when a disturbing amount of men and women idealize anorxia. What is the obsession with women being only 105 pounds? Kim Kardisharin I remeber was saying she was only 105, my ex roommate further damaged me by bragging, like she was superior, that she was only 105 pounds. I feel so fat and ugly, I miss the love I got for being skinny. I felt most loved when I was sick and skinny.

Well that was a heartbreaking read... I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry you weren't protected and supported as every child should be. Sadly I can relate to a lot of what you describe. Feminism definitely helped me feel better about my body but it's not easy to get your abusive parents' voice out of your head. I was just looking into the very subject of eating disorders and anorexia lately, and I found this post about being praised for being sick and skinny that really shows that your experience is sadly all too common. I have a body category on my blog if you want to go through posts on the subject of body image.

I do have some book recommendations for you:

Unbearable Weight by Susan Bordo, especially these chapters:

The Politics Of Weight by Amelia Morris

Beauty Sick by Renee Engeln

Wasted, A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Maria Hornbasher

Hunger, A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay

On the topic of child abuse and the resultant cptsd I would recommend:

A Practical Guide to C-PTSD and The C-PTSD Workbook by Arielle Schwartz

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

Daughter Detox by Peg Streep

Running On Empty by Jonice Webb

I have a blog where I share things that I find helpful to recover from child abuse and trauma. Also, finding a good trauma informed therapist could be helpful, especially considering you have been sexually abused.

I would also recommend these two uplifting books:

Self Compassion by Kristin Neff

So that you stop being so harsh on yourself.

The Joy of Movement by Kelly McGonigal

So that you focus on what your body can do instead of what your body looks like.

#ask #pdf

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fatliberation · 3 years

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I’m Abandoning Body Positivity and Here’s Why

In short: it’s fatphobic.

“A rallying cry for a shift in societal norms has now become the skinny girl’s reassurance that she isn’t really fat. Fatness, through this lens of ‘body positivity’, remains the worst thing a person can be.” (Kayleigh Donaldson)

• • •

I have always had a lot of conflicting opinions about the body positivity movement, but it’s much more widely known (and accepted, go figure) than the fat liberation movement, so I often used the two terms interchangeably in conversation about anti-fatness. But the longer I’ve been following the body positivity movement, the more I’ve realized how much it has strayed from its fat lib origins. It has been hijacked; deluded to center thin, able, white, socially acceptable bodies.

Bopo’s origins are undoubtedly grounded in fat liberation. The fat activists of the 1960s paved the way for the shred of size acceptance we see in media today, initially protesting the discrimination and lack of access to equal opportunities for fat people specifically. This early movement highlighted the abuse, mental health struggles, malpractice in the medical field, and called for equal pay, equal access, equal respect, an end to fatphobic structures and ideas. It saddens me that it hasn’t made much progress in those regards.

Today, the #bopo movement encapsulates more the idea of loving your own body versus ensuring that individuals regardless of their weight and appearance are given equal opportunities in the workplace, schools, fashion and media. Somehow those demands never made it outside of the ‘taboo’ category, and privileged people would much more readily accept the warm and fuzzy, sugar-coated message of “love yourself!” But as @yrfatfriend once said, this idea reduces fat people’s struggles to a problem of mindset, rather than a product of external oppressors that need to be abolished in order for fat people to live freely.

That generalized statement, “love yourself,” is how a movement started by fat people for the rights of fat people was diluted so much, it now serves a thin model on Instagram posting about how she has a tummy roll and cellulite on her thighs - then getting praised for loving her body despite *gasp!* its minor resemblance to a fat body.

Look. Pretty much everyone has insecurities about their bodies, especially those of us who belong to marginalized groups. If you don’t have body issues, you’re a privileged miracle, but our beauty-obsessed society has conditioned us to want to look a certain way, and if we have any features that the western beauty standard considers as “flaws,” yeah! We feel bad about it! So it’s not surprising that people who feel bad about themselves would want to hop on a movement that says ‘hey, you’re beautiful as you are!’ That’s a message everyone would like to hear. Any person who has once thought of themselves as less than beautiful now feels that this movement is theirs. And everyone has insecurities, so everyone feels entitled to the safe space. And when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. What I’m trying to explain here is that thin people now feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces.

Regardless of how badly thin people feel about their bodies, they still experience thin privilege. They can sit down in a theater or an airplane without even thinking about it, they can eat in front of others without judgement, they can go the doctor with a problem and actually have it fixed right away, they can find cute clothes in their size with ease, they do not suffer from assumptions of laziness/failure based on stereotype, they see their body type represented everywhere in media, the list goes on and on. They do not face discrimination based off of the size of their body.

Yet diet culture and fatphobia affects everyone, and of course thin people do still feel bad about the little fat they have on their bodies. But the failure to examine WHY they feel bad about it, is what perpetuates fatphobia within the bopo movement. They’re labeled “brave” for showing a pinch of chub, yet fail to address what makes it so acceptably daring, and how damaging it is to people who are shamed for living in fat bodies. Much like the rest of society, thin body positivity is still driven by the fear of fat, and does nothing to dismantle fatphobia within structures or within themselves.

Evette Dionne sums it up perfectly in her article, “The Fragility of Body Positivity: How a Radical Movement Lost Its Way.”

“The body-positive media economy centers these affirming, empowering, let-me-pinch-a-fat-roll-to-show-how-much-I-love-myself stories while failing to actually challenge institutions to stop discriminating against fat people. More importantly, most of those stories center thin, white, cisgender, heterosexual women who have co-opted the movement to build their brands. Rutter has labeled this erasure ‘Socially Acceptable Body Positivity.’

“On social media, it actually gets worse for fat bodies: We’re not just being erased from body positivity, fat women are being actively vilified. Health has become the stick with which to beat fat people with [sic], and the benchmark for whether body positivity should include someone” (Dionne).

Ah, yes. The medicalization of fat bodies, and the moralization of health. I’ve ranted about this before. Countless comments on posts of big women that say stuff like “I’m all for body positivity, but this is just unhealthy and it shouldn’t be celebrated.” I’ve heard writer/activist Aubrey Gordon once say that body positivity has become something like a shield for anti-fatness. It’s anti-fatness that has been repackaged as empowerment. It’s a striking double-standard. Fat people are told to be comfortable in their bodies (as if that’s what’s going to fix things) but in turn are punished when they’re okay with being fat. Make it make sense.

Since thin people feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces, and they get to hide behind “health” when they are picking and choosing who can and cannot be body positive, they base it off of who looks the most socially acceptable. And I’m sure they aren’t consciously picking and choosing, it comes from implicit bias. But the socially acceptable bodies they center are small to medium fat, with an hourglass shape. They have shaped a new beauty standard specifically FOR FAT PEOPLE. (Have you ever seen a plus sized model with neck fat?? I’m genuinely asking because I have yet to find one!) The bopo movement works to exclude and silence people who are on the largest end of the weight spectrum.

Speaking of exclusion, let’s talk about fashion for a minute.

For some reason, (COUGH COUGH CAPITALISM) body positivity is largely centered around fashion. And surprise surprise, it’s still not inclusive to fat people. Fashion companies get a pat on the back for expanding their sizing two sizes up from what they previously offered, when they are still leaving out larger fat people completely. In general, clothing companies charge more for clothes with more fabric, so people who need the largest sizes are left high and dry. It’s next to impossible to find affordable clothes that also look nice. Fashion piggybacks on the bopo movement as a marketing tactic, and exploits the very bodies it claims to be serving. (Need I mention the time Urban Outfitters used a "curvy” model to sell a size it doesn’t even carry?)

The movement also works to exclude and silence fat Black activists.

In her article, “The Body Positivity Movement Both Takes From and Erases Fat Black Women” Donyae Coles explains how both white people and thin celebrities such as Jameela Jamil profit from the movement that Black women built.

“Since long before blogging was a thing, fat Black women have been vocal about body acceptance, with women like Sharon Quinn and Marie Denee, or the work of Sonya Renee Taylor with The Body Is Not An Apology. We’ve been out here, and we’re still here, but the overwhelming face of the movement is white and thin because the mainstream still craves it, and white and thin people have no problem with profiting off the work of fat, non-white bodies.”

“There is a persistent belief that when thin and/or white people enter the body positive realm and begin to repeat the messages that Black women have been saying for years in some cases, when they imitate the labor that Black women have already put in that we should be thankful that they are “boosting” our message. This completely ignores the fact that in doing so they are profiting off of that labor. They are gaining the notoriety, the mark of an expert in something they learned from an ignored Black woman” (Coles).

My next essay will go into detail about this and illuminate key figures who paved the way for body acceptance in communities of color.

The true purpose of this movement has gotten completely lost. So where the fuck do we go from here?

We break up with it, and run back to the faithful ex our parents disapproved of. We go back to the roots of the fat liberation movement, carved out for us by the fat feminists, the queer fat activists, the fat Black community, and the allies it began with. Everything they have preached since the 1960s and 70s is one hundred percent applicable today. We get educated. We examine diet culture through a capitalist lens. We tackle thin, white-supremacist systems and weight based discrimination, as well as internalized bias. We challenge our healthcare workers to unlearn their bias, treat, and support fat patients accordingly. We make our homes and spaces accessible and welcoming to people of any size, or any (dis)ability. “We must first protect and uplift people in marginalized bodies, only then can we mandate self-love” (Gordon).

Think about it. In the face of discrimination, mistreatment, and emotional abuse, we as a society are telling fat people to love their bodies, when we should be putting our energy toward removing those fatphobic ideas and structures so that fat people can live in a world that doesn’t require them to feel bad about their bodies. It’s like hitting someone with a rock and telling them not to bruise!

While learning to love and care for the body that you’re in is important, I think that body positivity also fails in teaching that because it puts even more emphasis on beauty. Instead of saying, “you don’t have to be ‘beautiful’ to be loved and appreciated,” its main lesson is that “all bodies are beautiful.” We live in a society obsessed with appearance, and it is irresponsible to ignore the hierarchy of beauty standards that exist in every space. Although it should be relative, “beautiful” has been given a meaning. And that meaning is thin, abled, symmetric, and eurocentric.

Beauty and ugliness are irrelevant, made-up constructs. People will always be drawn to you no matter what, so you deserve to exist in your body without struggling to conform to an impossible and bigoted standard. Love and accept your body for YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE, because you do not exist to please the eyes of other people. That’s what I wish we were teaching instead. Radical self acceptance!

As of today, the ultimate message of the body positivity movement is: Love your body “despite its imperfections.” Or people with “perfect and imperfect bodies both deserve love.” As long as we are upholding the notion that there IS a perfect body that looks a certain way, and every body that falls outside of that category is imperfect, we are upholding white supremacy, eugenics, anti-fatness, and ableism.

#body positivity #bopo #body posi #body positive #body acceptance #fat acceptance #fat activism #fat liberation #anti fatness #anti blackness #anti fat bias #lookism #beauty standards #self acceptance

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greatbigbellies · 4 years

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Preg art blogs I recommend

Here’s a slew of artists here on tumblr that I’m a super huge fan of. They’ve all got unique styles and produce some top quality works and in the wise words of Marge Simpson: “I just think they’re neat!” @ufullbro Dude has a SUPER expressive style and a great eye for tummies. Does a lot of top tier mpreg art that I vibe with, as well as the occasional stuffing pic, and has very very cute characters, Overall some of my favorite content.

@sinningtamer Does some soft mpreg and nbpreg stuff as well as stuffing and some vore. Has a good mix of belly kinks and clearly has fun with their OC’s. Magi, one of them, is a disaster and has a lovely belly. 😋

@randomgirl1265 Your stop for furry mpreg. Is more NSFW than the previous two and has quality explicit content if that’s what you’re looking for. Great at drawing a plethora of different species at different sizes.

@wesoftupinhere Another one with an ADORABLE art style and lovable OCs. Kyle the pregnant streamer is probably my favorite cause he’s just sooooooo cute. If you want some of the softest mpreg you’ve ever seen, this is your artist.

@poorks A great selection of mpreg and fpreg, some monster girls, and doesn’t shy away from hyperpreg territory! Also will draw blush on the belly, and give tummy freckles, and I for one am HERE for that! Lorenzo the overdue college student gives me life.

@psycho-flames More preggy BOIS! Gives you both fluff and angst content, and draws the cutest blushes. And the collar bones... such good collar bones. Just has quality round men being round.

@rosehipteacakes Has a very fluid art style that I really enjoy, and has a near even split between mpreg, fpreg, and nbpreg, so there’s something for everyone! Also sticks to more realistic belly sizes.

@plus1b An artist who specializes in overwatch girls. Is a personal favorite of mine cause they don’t shy away from stretchmarks, veins, or any other blemishes you get from pregnancy. Also likes to draw ‘em REAL overdue :3

@ill-fleshed-out MOAR. PREGGY. BOIS. Has mastered the art of drawing pregnant twinks. Draws mpreg in both really soft and really hot scenarios and knows how to fit a belly on a skinny boy body.

@bellymations Can’t have a preg art recommendation post without mentioning this guy. Posts less frequently but that’s because animations take time. Always worth the wait, and great at expressing movement in the tummy. Also Damien is bae.

@slickpens More active over on DA than here, but a staple in the preg art scene. She has an amazing art style and does both NSFW and SFW preg stuff. Also draws herself pregnant a lot, which I personally find pretty hot.

@lewdlemage Very prolific and very talented, they have a super adorable anime-esque style, and do a fun mix of preg, vore, and stuffing. If you like tums, you’ll like their content. Even does monthly animations!

@infernal-aces One of the first blogs I followed on here, they have a large cast with larger bellies! Their content is set in a universe called “the lab” where they get up to all kinds of funky stuff. Hyperpreg, going years overdue, even breast pregnancy are all things you’ll find on their blog. Also 10/10 stretchmarks :3

There are other artists on here too with equally great content that I either haven’t found myself yet, or they aren’t active on tumblr anymore. This is by no means an exhaustive lift. Overall though I highly recommend following at least a few of these people, cause they’re all very talented and deserve some more followers.

#not bellies #long post #I'm lucky i have a kink with such a great art community

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spookybreadstick · 4 years

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Body Types of the Pastas

I will not be including Sally on this list, she is a child!! She has the body of a child, and that’s all you need to know. I will also not be including Slender on this list because we all know what kind of body he has (he’s a skinny legend!!) it’s literally a part of his name. Also, I might add, these are my versions of the characters and their body types do not reflect on the body types of any actors who may have portrayed them. These are just how I imagine them.

TW TW TW: Body Image Issues

Please do not read if you are struggling and believe you will be triggered by mentions of weight and different body types. This is largely positive (in my opinion), but I don’t want to trigger anybody, since there is mentions of negative relationships with food and poor body image. This is not meant to be “body-checking” or harmful for readers. It’s just a little post (I think it may even help some to be kinder with their own bodies and self-image), but just read at your own discretion, I suppose.

IMPORTANT NOTE: We do not body shame on this blog!! This is written entirely with love and appreciation for all bodies!

Also, mild NSFW warning I guess? (Nothing major, just a little, if you can call it that). For future reference, this: 💛 is the emoji that marks anything a lil spicy, but not what I would call true NSFW.

💛🤎💛🤎💛🤎

Skinny Legends (I couldn’t think of an appropriate adjective to go with it lmao)

Bloody Painter

Perfectly Petite

BEN

Lusciously Lean

Toby

Liu

Majestically Mid-Sized

Nina

Puppeteer

Jane

Marvelously Muscular

Clockwork

Jeff

Beautifully Buff

Hoodie

Pleasantly Plus-Sized

Masky

🍬 LJ is just built like that. He’s long, lanky, and skinny. No matter how many sweets he eats, his stomach remains flat. Don’t make fun of him for it (since he was sort of modeled after a doll in Isaac’s mind, LJ sometimes thinks that he’s missing some stuffing and there is something wrong with him because of that).

🎨 Helen is naturally thin, but there’s also other factors to blame. When he was growing up, his parents pushed on him the idea that being ‘skinny’ was everything for a girl (remember, they raised him as a girl until he was a young teen). They also would withhold food as a punishment for any ‘misbehaving’ that they saw. Nowadays, Helen doesn’t have much of an appetite, probably as a result of not eating enough in childhood. Helen will also forget to eat since he is so wrapped up in his art. He doesn’t mind being called skinny, that’s his body type after all, but please don’t point out his eating habits. He’ll get annoyed very easily. A much better way to go about it would be, if you see he’s too busy to eat, fix him a sandwich or something and bring it to him. You have to phrase it carefully, like, “I was hungry and made some sandwiches, so here’s one for you, too. Fuel for the artist, right?” And he’ll be more likely to accept and eat it.

🎮 BEN is, as much as he denies it, petite. He’s short and he has a small frame. There’s a little bit of squish to his tummy (it’s absolutely adorable 🥰) but he hides it (it wasn’t there originally, and it’s an accumulation of him eating all sorts of junk food in his afterlife. It doesn’t really affect him usually, but after he’s been doing it for years...) Please don’t point it out, he tries to forget that it exists and it bothers him.

🪓 Toby is lean cuisine. He’s kind of short for a guy, and that adds to his leanness. He has trouble remembering to eat and has trouble taking proper care of his body, so he is malnourished. He gets insecure about his body, so don’t say anything about it. Toby would love it if somebody cared enough to make sure that he’s eating regularly and getting proper nutrition. He is just a boy in need of some nourishing food and good lovin’! 🥰

🧣 Liu is also lean. Whenever he’s nervous or stressed, he forgets to eat. Whenever he wants to “punish” himself for whatever reason, he withholds food. He’s been doing better with this, but it was a habit he’s had since he was young, so that contributed to his smaller build. He doesn’t mind at all if you say he’s lean (he’d actually take it as quite the compliment). What he needs though, is somebody who cares enough to help him break the negative habits.

💄 Nina’s body type is hard to place, since she’s on the slim side but also not quite lean? She’s honestly really in between the lean and mid-size categories. Nina’s had some body image issues in the past, but she tries hard to keep it wholesome and positive with her self image though. She’s really got a great figure though! She’s got a small waist, probably about B-cup breasts, nice hips, and a nearly flat stomach (but not quite! She has that lil pooch thing that’s supposed to be where your uterus is?) Nina’s so pretty, honestly 😍

🧵 Puppeteer’s body type is the epitome of “average.” It’s smack dab in the middle of body types. There’s nothing particular special about it, and he’s on the slimmer side but not skinny skinny. He’s got depth and he’s also the taller side.

🖤 Jane’s got an amazing figure! She goes through periods of time where she’s a bit insecure but she’s got no reason to be! She looks great! She’s curvy (doesn’t have a flat tummy!) and it looks amazing on her. She’s got a killer ass (we love a thicc queen) and her breasts are def C cup (maybe even D cup). Jane’s got those curves in all the right places, and she looks like a goth Aphrodite when she’s in her element 🤩

⏰ Clockwork is a baddie! She has a toned stomach and not much of a chest, to be honest. She is quite muscular-looking for a girl, and she’s proud of that. And, it looks great on her!

🔪 Jeff is pretty muscular. He’s got that height going for him, and he enjoys a good workout so there’s some good muscles as well. He has a toned stomach and a bit of visible biceps when he flexes. This body type is something he had to work for though, his natural body type is a slim mid-size.

❓Hoodie is a buff king! He’s tall as well, with a toned stomach and abs. His natural body type is actually just slightly muscular, but he built himself up to be B U F F.

🤍 EJ is a big, buff boi. Before the transformation, he was actually lean. But now? He’s part demon, of course he’s going to be large and strong. He has abs now, and visible muscles hiding underneath his clothes. He has a habit of shrinking into himself though. He’s never liked his body much, and he’s insecure in his new form. Help him see that he is handsome and great just the way he is!

🎭 Masky is, admittedly, a bit chunky. He’s hella strong though, and could def beat your ass easily in any kind of competition. He gets very defensive if anyone brings it up in a negative light, or when there’s lots of people around, due to the fact that he was very insecure as a teen. If it’s brought up when it’s a one-on-one convo or if it’s gently mentioned, he’ll probably say “yeah, I’ve got kind of a dad bod thing going on, I guess,” and try to quickly change the subject. Poor boy eats when he’s stressed and then is guilty about it afterwards. He needs somebody to tell him that his body is beautiful, and then help him take care of it. He could use some love, and some reassurance of his beauty (chubby boys are so cute and wonderful and just 🥵). Please be gentle with his heart and help him raise his self-esteem <3

I thought of the song S.L.U.T. by Bea Miller when I wrote this. You should listen to it, it’s good for self-esteem!! :)

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swiftlymoniquesblog · 4 years

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Round Little Tummy- Sam x Reader One Shot

A/N: Hi friends! So this little one shot is very personal to me. The first paragraph leading up to Sam’s entrance is all true to me and how I really feel. There are other nonfiction elements throughout but it’s manly fiction! I just had an image of Sam being so sweet with his insecure girlfriend so here this is; enjoy!

Warnings: Fluff, insecure reader, mentions of being overweight, self-hate, jealousy (of Sam cause who isn’t jealous of his good looks?)

Word Count: 1,205

Main Masterlist| Holiday Masterlist

Requests are OPEN| Tag List requests are OPEN for ALL fandoms

*(Tags are based off those who I’ve spoken to or who are actively or recently liking my work, if not requested)*

Xxx M

Being overweight wasn’t anything new for you. You were always pinned as the ‘heavy girl’ but you were told it was just that you were “big-boned,’ not that you believed it. The majority of your friends and even your family members who were around your age were always skinny. Their clothes always seemed to fit them just perfectly; yours were either too big or too small. Fitting into jeans was a nightmare because your hips were wide but you had a small waist and the last time you checked, there wasn’t a single pair of jeans that were built for both. And let’s not forget your ‘fatty’ areas. Your thighs touched, your arms jiggled, and your stomach was round and rolled in on itself. According to all doctors and your Internet searches, everyone told you, you were overweight and needed to lose weight. So, you began to take their advice, and slowly, you began to lose weight. It was very gradual at first but you were doing it. It encouraged you when you began seeing the small changes that were showing on your body due to the weight loss but you still had a long way to go until you hit your goal.

“Hey baby,” Sam says, as he walks into your room.

Ah, Sam Winchester, he was something entirely different. He was built like a Greek god; physically fit, chiseled jawline, gorgeous eyes, perfectly plump pink lips, and a smile with two dimples. To you, and so many other women, he was beautiful. You could easily be insecure when you and he were in public. You felt like people would be giving you dirty likes as if they were thinking, ‘why is someone so hot like him dating a fat girl like her? He could do so much better.’ You could never admit this to Sam because he would try to tell you the exact opposite of all your insecurities but that didn’t always help. And he had too much to worry about in his world, that he didn’t need to be concerned with all your insecurities.

“Hi Sam,” you say, not looking back to him. Currently, you stood in front of the bathroom mirror, as you held the hem of your shirt up so you could examine your stomach.

“What are you doing in here?” He asks, suddenly appearing beside you in the mirror.

“I’m looking at my tummy; it’s so round!” You whine, moving to stand to your left while your hands traveled around your stomach. You poked and prodded yourself, groaning in disapproval of how you looked.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, y/n,” he says, watching you in the mirror, as you continued degrading your physique.

“Look at my legs, they jiggle so much; it’s gross!” You poke the skin on your thighs that were exposed thanks to Sam’s shorts you had borrowed.

“And my arms are so gross!” You say, holding up your arm and shaking it, the fat deposits there moving with your actions before Sam had had enough.

“Okay y/n, seriously, that’s enough,” he said, his voice coming off louder and stronger than before. The sudden roughness taking you my surprise, making you almost shrink away from him.

“I’m only speaking the truth, Sam,” you finally say but keep your voice low. When he didn’t immediately answer back, you figured he agreed with you, so you left the bathroom and went climbing in bed.

You grabbed the remote to turn on the television, seeing that Sam had flipped the light off in the bathroom, and thought he was just going to join you. The youngest Winchester had other plans. He kept quiet and near the bathroom, appearing to be thinking of something to say to you. He knew it wasn’t easy talking to you about your insecurities but he did know he had to say something. His eyes remained on you, as his mind raced with thoughts, and he couldn’t help the small grin that broke out on his face as he looked at you. To him, you were unbelievably beautiful. He loved the way your hair fell in your face and you would blow air up to get the hair back in its place and when that didn’t work, and you got annoyed, he’d chuckle at you, thinking it was adorable. The sound of your laugh that carried throughout the room you were in and always found a way to his ears, made his heart skip a beat. Your smile was just a big as his, stretching to your eyes and they would crinkle, as Dean’s would, and he loved you more. Your eyes drew him into you constantly and when he’d search them, it made him wonder what you were thinking. You were smart, you had a sassy side, but you were always sweet and caring about others before you took care of yourself and Sam adored you. He soaked everything about you up like he was a sponge; he craved that kind of love. And with you, he got it, every single day.

You continued to lay on your bed, not paying Sam any more attention, enthralled in the show you were watching. Stretching to relieve the tension in your muscles, your shirt rode up, exposing your stomach. In the blink of an eye, Sam was right there next to you, hands on the exposed skin.

“Sam, what are you doing?” You gasp as you felt his warm fingers dance around your skin. Every little bit of skin that he could see, his hands were all over. Soon they made their way up to your arms, down to your thighs, and back up to your stomach, Sam refusing to answer you. He suddenly leaned down and began leaving small kisses along where his hands just were. Then he slowly moved his head up to look you dead in the eye and said,

“I love your little round tummy and everything you’re insecure about. You’re working on losing this weight and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come; you have no idea. You amaze me with your determination to succeed in everything you put your mind to; this is just one of those times. You may think I don’t know how nervous you get when we go out, fearful that someone skinnier might catch my eye, but baby, that won’t ever happen. I am crazy about you and only you. You are exactly the kind of woman I want and I love having a little extra skin to squeeze,” he says in that lower voice that always turned you on, as he squeezed your thigh. “I love you so much, baby girl. Never forget how much I love you and how much I want you.”

You smile wide, matching that of Sam’s, and stretch up to kiss him. He alleviates your struggle by bringing you back to the pillows behind you for support and falls into a perfect rhythm with your lips.

“I love you so much too, Sammy. Thank you for being here for me and for loving me as you do," you said when you broke away from your kiss.

“The honor is all mine darlin’. I love loving you; forever and always.”

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Special acknowledgments for this story:

“OH MY GOODNESS, YESSSS! I’M ALL FOR IT! -@tloveswriting and her every growing support for me and my blog. Ilysm, T!

“ Aw wow that’s so nice. I love it when writers do tht because i’m sure it really relates with a lot of readers out there and i’m sure they really appreciate it. -@angelinathebook a new friend and very supportive bean. Thanks a lot, A!

#supernatural #sam #sam x reader #sam x you #sam x y/n #Sam Winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #Sam fluff #sam oneshot #insecure #lose weight #self hate

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

Text

Take Me Home - Choose Your Own Ending

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader x Loki

Synopsis: A hijacked summer vacation leaves you wondering where your heart lies

This was co-written with @spideyanakin ! Check out her blog for one of two endings

Masterlist

“This avengers meeting is officially in order.” Tony banged the personalized gavel he had made for meetings. The rest of the Avengers took their seats as you scooted closer to Peter.

“Firstly, I’d like to announce an update to our tower. All bathrooms now require voice activation to be opened. This will prevent any future mishaps of people walking in on other people in the bathtub.” Tony announced as he glared at Sam.

“My bad.” Sam said sheepishly and looked away.

“Secondly, Thor’s coming to visit.” Tony said and banged the gavel. “Loki’s coming too.” He added taking a seat next to you and Peter.

“Oh, I never met him!” You exclaimed. You had met Thor millions of times but never his brother.

“He’s nice... Sometimes.” Tony gawked, not too happy Loki was joining the party.

“He was super nice the last time I saw him!” Peter added innocently, not aware of the chaos Loki could cause yet.

“Well they should be here any minute.” Tony checked his watch. “And underoos, try to get the munchkin crumbs off your face before they do.”

“Right. I’ll be right back.” Peter pressed a quick kiss to your cheek before scurrying out of the room.

“You guys are cute,” Rhody added and you gave him a kind smile.

“Yeah, yeah, alright meeting over, you guys prepare for the devil brothers.” Tony banged the gavel one last time dismissing everyone.

“Y/n!” Thor exclaimed the second he walked into the room. He brought you into the biggest hug. “How’s my favorite Midguardien!” He was hugging you so tight you could barely breathe.

“About to die.” You squeaked smooshed from his embrace.

“Oh, my apologies.” He dropped you. You coughed a few times and laughed it off.

“It’s ok” You fixed your clothes. “I haven’t seen you around here before.” You pointed to the handsome tall man with slicked black hair who couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

“I wasn’t welcomed back after the whole New York thing.” He eyed Tony from the other side of the room “But Tony thought I learned my lesson.” He gave Tony a fake smile and a friendly wave to prove his innocence.

“You’re Loki, aren’t you? I’ve heard Thor complaining about you once or a thousand times.” You glanced at Thor who was head stuck in a pack of chips.

“Guilty as charged. And you are?” He gave you his most charming smile.

“Y/n. Nice to meet you, Loki.” You smiled politely and held out your hand for him to shake.

“The pleasure is mine.” He smirked and took your hand, placing a hot blooded kiss to the back of it.

It seemed like someone had just pulled a switch in Loki’s mind. All of the sudden all he could think of was you. He analyzed your features wanting to remember them and even engrave them in his memory forever. All he could think about was how your hair would look like in the moonlight, or how pretty you would be in an Asgardian gown. His mind went into autopilot as all he could think of was a way to make you happy.

“If you insist.” You flushed and looked around to see if anyone else saw it. You made eye contact with Nat who had a knowing smirk on her face.

“I do.” Loki patted your hand and you could see his expression change when his eyes drifted to the side.

“Oh, God. This one.” He rolled his eyes. You were about to turn around when you felt Peter come up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist. You quickly took your hand away from Loki and gave him an apologetic smile.

“There you are, baby.” Peter smiled and kissed your cheek. “I see you’ve met Loki.”

“Baby?” Loki cocked his head and looked at you for an answer. Even though he just met you, he felt his blood boiling at the sight of you in another man's arms.

“That’s just what I call her, because she’s my baby.” Peter cooed and squeezed you tightly.

“Uh, Loki. Have you met my boyfriend Peter?” You awkwardly smiled as the tension between the three of you became palpable.

“No. We’ve never met before.” Loki gave Peter a tight-lipped smile and went to shake his hand.

“Yes we have.” Peter tilted his head in confusion as Loki locked on an iron grip around Peter's hand. Had it not been for Peter’s super strength, his hand might have broken.

“Don’t think so.” Loki cut him off sharply. “It was lovely to meet you, Y/n. If you’ll excuse me.” He smiled warmly at you and shot daggers at Peter before stalking over to Thor.

“Brother! Have you tried these? I believe they’re called hot Cheetos. Divine!” Thor bellowed as he shoveled more Cheetos into his mouth.

“Now is not the time, you deviant.” Loki snapped but kept his eyes on the bag. “Give me those.”

Loki angrily shoved hot Cheetos into his mouth as he watched you interacting with Peter. In the thousands of years he had been alive, he had never seen something more infuriating. He knew you belonged on Asgard with him as the Queen. In no world were you supposed to be slumming it on earth with a gangly teenager who called himself Spider-Man. Jealousy boiled in the pit of his tummy like hot oil.

“Brother.” He piped up. “How long has Y/n been with the stupid skinny one?”

“Oh, you must mean Peter.” Thor laughed in delight. “They’ve been together for quite a while. Aren’t they adorable?” Thor chuckled before opening a new pack of Cheetos and almost dumping it all in his mouth.

“I must have her.” Loki said decidedly.

“And I must have ten more of these delicious cheese logs. They’re shaped like Kentucky, aren’t they brother?” Thor held up a Cheeto and admired it.

“You kids all packed?” Happy entered the room playing with his car keys.

"Yep" you gave the man a bright smile.

"Where are they going?" Loki asked almost aroused that you were leaving.

"School trip to California! Wooo!" You raised your hands in cheer while walking out the door.

"California?" Loki’s face painted with a frown and the wheels in his brain turned around like a scene from Charlie Chaplin’s modern times. "That seems a little, punk for a lady like her."

“Don’t overthink it brother, Human customs are pretty weird. You’ll get used to it.” Thor clapped his brother a little too roughly on the back and Loki winced.

“Don’t think I will.” He muttered, eyes never leaving you.

"Vamos a la playa! A mi me gusta bail-" you and Peter were about to hit the last word of the sentence for the 200th time in the last 40 minutes when Happy decides he had had enough.

"KIDS PLEASE!" Happy screamed turning the music off, his head about to blow up from hearing this song.

"Sorry" you and Peter replied, sheepish grins painting your faces.

Happy rolled his eyes before parking right in front of the airport gate.

The two of you settled in your class group next to Ned and MJ. You greeted everyone and started a game of sticks with Peter.

"Kids change of plan! We’re going to Hawaii!" The teacher exclaimed while putting his phone back in his pocket.

"What?" Everyone stared at the teacher confused.

"Yes!" Ned punched his fist in the air already loving the sound of going to his home island.

"Some kind donor has offered us to go to a fancier destination." The teacher smiled brightly and placed a flower necklace around his neck. "So Aloha guys"

"Yeah, Aloha," Ned replied and waved his arms imitating a Hawaiian dance.

You and Peter turned your heads around at the same time, giving each other worried looks.

"Kind donor?" You titled your head in disbelief.

"Doesn’t sound good" Peter shook his head.

You stepped outside the plane, the humidity taking you aback and making it slightly hard to breathe.

Before you could relax and enjoy your time in Hawaii, you had to know who was behind this "generous donation". Since Fury had never let you down with obtaining classified information before, so you gave him a call.

"Alright let me check." Nick’s voice rang through your headphones.

"Seems like a certain Loki bought enough tickets for your whole class, and got a few hotel rooms in Hawaii. That’s all I know. To be honest I fear it’s Thor's brother but it might just be a disguise." You could hear Fury’s frown. "So keep an eye on the lookout." He cleared his throat. "You want me to send back up?" His deep accent felt loud in your headphones as you were trying to figure out who could possibly want to crash this trip.

"No, but thanks anyway. We’ll call you if we found anything suspicious." You nodded at Peter.

"Alright. Be careful." And with that, he hung up leaving a heavyweight in your stomach.

You looked into the horizon of the baggage claim patiently waiting for your bag. You spotted Peters and yours slightly following. You shifted in your spot keeping a close eye on yours.

Suddenly an unknown hand grabbed your bag and before you had time to react placed it back making it roll towards you.

You tried to spot the person but failed as more people came swarming towards the area.

"Must’ve thought it was his." Peter smiled as he saw the frown on your face. You gave him a slight nod.

"Here." Peter grabbed your bag before you could of even lay a hand on it.

"Well thank you." You giggled before pressing a kiss to his lips

"Well you're very welcome."

You rolled your suitcase a few steps before a little piece of paper came slipping out of it. You bent down to get it and crumbled it in your pocket.

“You coming?”

“Yep.”

You dropped your suitcases taking in the five-star hotel room you were assigned. You got changed into a bathing suit and layed out a few dresses to put on top.

You walked to your door when you heard a knock. You smiled when you saw your smirking boyfriend, already in his bathing suit.

“It’s amazing right?” You gave him a bright smile.

“Yeah!” He greeted you with a kiss. “Mr. Harrington is saying we should go downstairs. He says he has a big announcement to d-” He looked at you up and down and his mouth fell.

“You look like- Like Leila in-”

“The golden bikini?” You finished his sentence. “Yeah, saw this at the store, thought it looked like it, immediately thought of you.” You chuckled and Peter’s face lit up with a smile.

“I love you so much.”

“Yeah me too, now let’s go.” You chuckled before grabbing a dress and heading out.

You were about to step out of the elevator when a figure suddenly passed right in front of you. Peter’s eyes widened as he thought he’d recognized Loki.

“Did you see that?” Peter pointed to the empty space in front of the elevator.

“See what?” You looked up from your phone.

“I thought I saw… Someone.” Peter looked around the lobby.

“Ned what is this?” You asked as you marched towards the class.

“My Hawaiian outfit.” He pointed to his flower shirt, crown and necklace.

“You look weird.” MJ deadpanned. “And is that Leia’s Golden bikini?” MJ grabbed the strap under your shirt just to release it again. Peter shot her a look and draped a protective arm around your shoulders.

“So here are the activities we have prepared.” Mr Harrington clapped his hands before grabbing the paper from the other teacher and beginning to read the activities out loud.

“Beach Volleyball.”

A few people in the class cheered. You and Peter looked at each other and shrugged in approval.

“Surf.”

Brad smirked and MJ rolled her eyes at his reaction.

“Hiking, and Traditional Hawaiian dance. We will let you know when we finish planning the rest of the itinerary. Now C’mon, Volley awaits us.” He gave the class a stiff salute and gestures for everyone to follow him. You and Peter exchanged looks, laughing to yourselves at Mr. Harrington’s staple awkwardness. Peter laced his fingers through yours and walked with you to the volleyball field.

You were about to be sent the ball when you and Peter saw Loki a few feet away staring right at you.

“Ow!” You fell as the ball hit you right in the head.

“You ok?” Peter bent down to make sure you were ok.

“Was that Loki?” You asked as you looked into the distance.

“I think it was. C’mon. Let’s get some ice on that.”

Peter walked you up to your room, where he handed you an ice pack you gladly took. //Probs need to rephrase that

“Don’t you think it’s a little weird that Loki hijacked our school trip?” Peter asked once his suspicion got the better of him.

“Not really.” You shrugged in dismissal. “We’re in Hawaii, Peter. Let’s just enjoy it.” You winced at the cold.

“I can’t enjoy it until I know why he did it..” Peter brought up as he took a seat on the bed.

“Maybe he just did it out of the kindness of his heart.” You sat next to him and pouted dramatically. Peter shoved you a little when you weren’t taking it seriously.

“He’s Loki! He doesn’t have any kindness in his heart. He doesn’t even have a heart!” Peter exclaimed and you had to laugh at your boyfriend's ridiculous behavior.

“Come on, Peter.” You took his hand and whined. “I don’t want to spend our vacation talking about Loki. Who cares why he did this?”

“I care.” He stated. “Because I know what his motive was.”

“World domination?” You smiled sweetly and he rolled his eyes.

“You. He did this for you.” Peter said definitively.

“What? I just met him.” You reminded your boyfriend. “There’s no way he did this for me.”

“With someone as special and beautiful as you, all it takes is one encounter.” He held up one finger and you smiled at his kind words. You wrapped your hand around his finger and held it. “I saw the way he was looking at you back at the tower. And I definitely saw the way he was looking at me. He did this to impress you and win you away from me.”

“Well he doesn’t have all the facts.” You said pointedly.

“What are the facts?” Peter put his hands in his hips and looked at you skeptically.

“That I’m totally in love with my superhero boyfriend.” You dropped your ice pack to and wrapped your arms around Peter's neck and covered his face in kisses. “Can we go play on the beach now? I feel way better.”

“Okay.” Peter agreed, content with what you said. “We can go play on the beach.”

That night was the night of the Hawaiian dance. You and Peter were forced to dress with beautiful skirts, flower crowns and necklaces.

“I look ridiculous.” Peter insecurly folded his arms to cover himself.

“No you don’t, you look handsome.” You cooed as you finished tying on your skirt.

“No. I look like a Hawaiian scarecrow.” Peter sighed and finally caught sight of you. “You, on the other hand, look like a Hawaiiann goddess.”

“Tell me, if you look like a scarecrow, then what does Ned look like.” You pointed to Ned, who was decked out in dozens of flowers while dreamily strumming away on a ukulele.

“He just looks like he was born to wear it.” Peter whined before eying you suspiciously. “I bet Loki would love to see you wear that.”

“Excuse me?” You tilted your head, hoping you misheard him.

“I mean, he did stare at you at the beach which I find very disturbing.” Peter grumbled. “Does he know you're taken?”

“Peter!” You groaned, not wanting to get into yet another discussion about Loki.

“What? You should take it as a compliment!” Peter said, completely oblivious to your anger.

“Peter, can you stop being jealous for one second!” You asked of him.

“I mean you do have an amazing body.” He continued completely ignoring your comments.

“Peter I- agh” You were cut by the dance teacher.

“Let’s go, everybody. Move those hips.” The instructor wiggles his hips, signaling that class was about to start.

“We’re talking about this later.” Peter said gravely as he loosely followed what the instructor was doing. Not wanting to start a fight, you nodded at Peter and tried to enjoy the class.

“We need to talk about before.” Peter stated as he tossed his beach bag on the bed.

“Before?” You asked. “And get that bag off the bed unless you like sleeping with sand in the sheets.”

“I’m talking about Loki staring at you on the beach.” He grumbled as he took his bag off the bed and dropped it on the ground. “ He was practically drilling over you in your…beach wear.”

“Who cares if he was staring? He’s probably just a Star Wars fan.” You shrugged it off and began to pick out your clothes for the next day.

“I care.” Peter said assertively.

“Why?” You looked at him and laughed playfully.

“Because he clearly has a crush on you!” Peter erupted and you looked up at the ceiling. Peter was once again bringing up Loki when all you wanted to do was enjoy your vacation with him.

“No he doesn’t!” You stamped your foot, growing frustrated as Peter refused to believe you.

“Yes he does! Any idiot can see it.” Peter snapped, eyes immediately softening when he realized what he had said.

“So I’m an idiot?” You asked rhetorically. He opened his mouth to apologize but you cut him off before he could. “Maybe I am. Maybe I’ve been an idiot for picking you over Loki.”

With that, you stormed away from Peter. You didn’t even know if you had meant what you said. You just wanted to hurt Peter and did it in the only way you knew how. If he was jealous of Loki, you were gonna let him be. You walked a few paces from the hotel until you reached the beach, immediately feeling the chill of the night air. You shoved your hands in your pockets for warmth, suddenly remembering the paper that had fallen out of your suitcase.

Dear Y/n,

You shine with the light of a thousand solar systems. I have traveled all around the galaxy but I have never come across anything as beautiful as you. Come home with me to Asgard. A head as lovely as yours belongs under a crown. I can make you my queen, if you let me. Consider this vacation upgrade as a mere taste of the evations I can give you. You will live a life of luxury and never know pain. Asgard awaits you my love,

Your Devoted Prince.

You felt your fist clench as you read and reread the words on the page. Peter was right, Loki did fall for you. And to make it worse, you had scolded Peter and told him he was wrong. Sure, Loki seemed nice when you met him that day in the Avengers Tower, but Peter had told you all about his attack on New York on the ride to Hawaii. Loki was capable of horrible, life threatening moves of mass destruction. Peter wasn’t shy about telling you about the brainwashing, the casualties and worst of all, the kneeling. If you rejected Loki, there was no telling how he would react. After all, he'd hijacked your vacation for you. You reread the letter with shaking hands and looked back at the hotel. You had to talk to Peter, yes, but you also needed to figure out a plan. Peter was strong but he was no match for the God of Mischief. That is, if Peter even helped you after you refused to believe him about Loki.

As you walked back to the hotel, you ran your fingertips over Loki’s handwriting. You hated to admit it to yourself, and you’d certainly never admit it to anyone else, but his note was compelling. You knew Loki had a mean streak, but what if he had a good streak too? A person could be more than one thing. He had already proven to you how hard he was willing to fight, while all Peter had done was whine. You stopped in your tracks to read the note one last time.

“Baby! There you are.” Peter's voice snapped you out of your daze as he ran up to you, out of breath. He saw the note in your hand and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What’s that?”

You looked up at Peter before looking back down at the note, knowing you had to make your choice.

It was Peter or Loki, now or never.

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @foreverxholland @damnyoudameron @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @justcallmehitgirl @averyfosterthoughts @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human @celestial-skylines @mara-twins @iamaunicorn4704 @spideygirl2003 @the-crazy-fanfictionist @maryjanee23 @spacebitch2 @geeksareunique @emmamarshmellow @jillanaholland @unbelievableholland @rebekkah4766 @flixndchill @sovereignparker @wendaiii @thisisthebiplace @spideydobrik @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @caelestii-e @eridanuswave @itscaminow @thegr8kush @solarxmoonchild @where-art-thau-romeo @canyouevencauseicant @probablyparker @illwritetomorrow @thehappygrungelife @saysomethingspiderman @parkerboop @smilexcaptainx @hes-amarillo @quaksonhehe @kelieah @silteplaittais-toi @kickingn-ames @purefluff @seasidecrowbar @lovelessdagger @love-sick-blues @electraheart-3174 @lou-la-lou @unbelievableholland @yourtypicalhotmess @ohnothezombies @spideyanakin

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #loki x you #loki x reader #loki fanfic

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wordsnstuff · 6 years

Text

Guide To Writing Enemies To Lovers

-- I decided to format this article like its accompanying post, Guide to Writing Friends to Lovers, which you all seemed to really like. I hope this is as helpful as that, and thank you to everyone who responded to the poll that contributed the questions I answered in the “common struggles” section. I have a feeling I’ll be reaching our for direct topic-specific questions through polls more often, so keep an eye out. Happy writing!

Patreon // Ko-Fi || Masterlists || Work In Progress || Studyblr || Studygram

Take The Time To Make It Believable

There is a certain amount of care required in the depiction of these stories because they can be really touchy and very easily lead awry. It needs to be handled with care when you tell the reader that this character is going to forgive the other one for doing this, and why. Show the thought process, show the growth, show the reason, and give the story time to make that change reasonable in the reader’s head.

Roll In The Tension

Let the tension build, thicken, and sit in the reader’s tummy. That’s the most delicious part of reading this trope, and the most fun part to write, so enjoy it, and don’t ask yourself if it’s “too intense” or if you need to speed up the pace. Let it simmer, and let the reader stew in it. The longer you draw it out, the yummier the resolution will be.

Give Up Pride, Not Values

Your characters should not end the story by forfeiting what they feel and believe in order to win the other over. That’s not how life works, and that’s not a good way to depict love and forgiveness. Forgiveness is the main theme of enemies-to-lovers stories, after all, and if you’re writing romance, you should imprint a healthy romantic story into your reader’s memory, even if it’s bumpy, tense, and dramatic for the majority of the actual events.

Make The Relationship Improve Them Both

Romances usually hold a meaning or message about romance that the reader will take away from the story at hand. Your message should, ultimately, be that these two people, despite their differences and shortcomings, grew to forgive each other for their mutual mistakes, found common ground, and even fell in love. The end of a romance should be positive, or at least transformative to the reader in a positive way. The couple you depict, if they are meant to be a good couple in the context of the story, should improve each other, and make each others’ lives better.

Abuse vs. Rivalry

There is a poignant difference between two people who are abusing each other and two people who don’t like one another. Abuse can be heavily romanticized or forgiven when this trope is approached with inadequate care and attention. If one or both of the members of the couple actively bring each other down, truly, in an emotional, mental, or physical way, it’s abuse, not enemy-ship, and if that’s intentional, you shouldn’t call your story a romance. Abuse is not romantic, and it never should be depicted to be so.

Common Struggles

~ Where do you draw the line between hurtful and unforgivable?... That depends on your characters’s values, and you need to think long and hard about your characters’ individual boundaries before you even start writing. Your reader will get to know your character. If your character forgives something your reader knows they would never forgive, that will destroy their personal understanding of them.

~ How do you solve the difference between them without making one change for the other?... Explain their thought processes, I recommend by choosing a flexible point of view to write the story from, and show where that understanding comes from. You need to set those boundaries within your characters that make sense for them, and you need to hold to those. The point they should be at by the end of the story isn’t in total agreement, it’s at a compromise where they meet halfway. They should learn by the end to love each other wholly, not when they change for one another.

~ Going from actual dislike of each other to attraction without saying they liked each other the whole time... It’s simple; give them legitimate reasons for not liking each other in the first place. Don’t make their rivalry based on something like a third grade spelling bee misunderstanding with a little “he’s cute though” sprinkled on top. Show a real misunderstanding, or real clash in values, and explore its implications for the reader to understand.

~ How do you show the forgive part between them without including the forgetting?... Let the reader know by the end of the story that the characters have acknowledged the hurt they’ve caused each other, totally and openly through an honest conversation about everything that caused their mutual dislike of each other. Show them confronting the problem, and admitting that it will always be a prominent part of their past, but that they’re willing to try in spite of it.

~ How do you show forgiveness between two people who physically fought without making it romanticize abuse?... Give legitimate evidence that a) nobody was/is a victim of actual abuse and b) they both know that the physical fighting was wrong, painful to the other, and that it can/will never happen again. Ever. In the action or more violent sort of genres, this is way more flexible, because there are more grey-area situations, but as long as you make it very clear that there is no possibility of them hurting each other, in any abusive context, during the relationship or afterward, then you shouldn’t have a problem.

~ How do you establish the growth in trust between the two characters?... Make it occur naturally and at their own individual paces.They’ll grow toward one another at different rates, and you need to pay attention to letting it grow on its own rather than fitting that growth into whatever parameters you’ve set for your story structure. Also, show the little things that make that trust bloom, along with the big ones. Make them noticeable, but simple and ultimately built upon one another.

~ How do you make two characters with completely different morals grow to love each other?... Compromise and honesty. Communication and understanding. Those are the four foundations of any relationship, and especially these ones. Make your lovers listen to each other, and make them see the other side. That doesn’t mean agree, and that doesn’t mean conform, it just means you have to make them see where the other is coming from and empathize with their process of validation.

~ How do you write the characters’ friends growing to support the relationship?... This can be tricky, but it depends on the friends’ individual relationships with that character and their lover. With this subject, if you keep to the manner in which you’ve developed them, they should grow to understand (or not understand) their relationship in a way that makes sense to the reader and enhances the story. If there’s tension, let it lay, and if it makes sense, let it pass.

~ How do you pace the evolution of their opinions/feelings about one another correctly?... There’s a few stages to telling an enemies-to-lovers story: 1. they dislike each other 2. that dislike becomes a problem for them 3. they begin to see the other’s point of view 4. they understand the other’s perspective 5. they don’t dislike each other anymore 5. they grow feelings for each other 6. they get together. The first stage should be established and explained really well. The second should be simple but important, and very impactful to both of the characters. The third stage should be slow burning and very uncomfortable, but transformative to both of them. The fourth should happen as the result of events building on one another, not one single event. The last two should be clearly separate, and the fifth should be a slow burn on its own. This pacing strategy should allow for a lot of tension, build up, and a very satisfying ending.

Resources

Enemies Turned Lovers Prompts

Skinny Love Prompts

Angst Prompts

How To Make A Scene More Heartfelt

20 Mistakes To Avoid When Writing Young Adult Fiction/Romance

Tips On Writing Skinny Love

A Guide To Tension & Suspense In Your Writing

Writing Arguments Between Characters

Pros and Cons of Different Points Of View

Tips On Writing Intense Scenes

Resources For Romance Writers

Useful Writing Resources

Useful Writing Resources II

Resources For Describing Emotions

Giving Characters Bad Traits

Relationships Between Characters With No Connection

Relationships Between Polar Opposites

The Terror Behind Your Beauty Playlist Listen On Spotify

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#romance #enemies to lovers #writing reference #writeblr #writing #nanowrimo #writespo #writing tips #authorblr #amwriting #slow burn romance #fiction #romance tropes #romantic #prompts #resources for writers #writing romance #friends to lovers

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plusperfect · 5 years

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Triggering topic

But one I feel ready to talk about on my blog.

⚠️

-if mentions of eating disorders and related things upset or trigger you please do not read this post-

So I mentioned briefly in a previous post that I struggled with disordered eating. And I wanted to do a proper post about it. Some of my followers know as I have spoken to and tried to help other individuals too. I have struggled with eating disorders since I was 7/8 years old. Yeah, young I know.

I went to a boarding school. For those of you who don’t know this is where the school is your house. You sleep there and see your parents like 3 times a year. I was overweight as a child. 8 and 8st. I’m not proud. (14 years later I would find out this was due to a gluten allergy cause by an autoimmune disorder but this isn’t massively relevant to the story at the moment).

My house parent, the mother figure in your life at boarding school, put me on a highly restricted diet (without telling my parents). For 4 years I was only allowed 1 piece of break a week, my tuck (sweets and snacks my family gave me) was locked away and I was allowed one piece a week, my dinner comprised of half a jacket potato one individual pack of butter and one spoon of tuna fish with a small side plate of salad. No puddings. I was 7-11 years old and watching all the other kids eat whatever they wanted whenever they wanted with no restrictions knowing that I was restricted because I was fat.

I did what any normal kid would do and took advantage of being at home. Usually the day after I flew home my family would go out to a restaurant or the cinema to have a nice family outing- so I would eat, taking advantage of the lack of restrictions, and I would EAT until later that night when I would puke everything back up again. This developed into a subconscious binge eating disorder and purging routine. I wasn’t making myself sick but it was how my body coped and even now I still suffer from it not being able to eat the same meal for more than 1 or 2 meals without being violently sick.

I was VERY active as a child; I was on every sports team, did street/pop dance over my lunch break, extra curricular ballet and horse riding and I worked my socks off at everything because I never wanted to let anyone down. (This should’ve been the first sign that something was wrong other than just me eating too much) during the holidays when I was home I would join the middle aged mothers on my compound when they went for runs and when they did aqua fit in the pool; as well as all the usual running swimming cycling rollerblading and trampolining that kids do. But I was still big. When I moved to big school the teachers where more lax about my food; and eventually when I was 14 no one was controlling my food anymore, but I was putting myself on diets and workout programs to lose weight because I was the fattest person in my school. I was 10st (140lbs). Not really that fat considering I was 5”5-5”7 but I was a late developer so I was still kinda build like a toddler where everything was just kinda barrelly (does that make sense? Like no curves just a stick with a distended tummy) I tried juice fasts and high carb veganism, vegetarian diet (but I’m not allowed to be veggie coz of health issues), just salad and chicken, soup diet, 7lbs in 7days- you name I tried it. And nothing was working. I was not losing weight. At 15 I was literally hoping I would’ve comatosed so I could wake up skinny.

Then I was in my final year of school and I got a boyfriend. I stopped worrying so much about what I looked like (though I wasn’t completely comfortable with him seeing me fully undressed for nearly a year) I put on a bit of weight and ended up at 160ish lbs. Then I moved in with my mum and started university, I was in charge of cooking instead of paying rent so I was making healthy home cooked meals. I very rarely used oil in cooking, it was full of veggies and flavour and was balanced and a good portion. I was eating out with my friends on lunch times or having sandwiches, toast and fruit in the morning or a McDonald’s breakfast while on the bus to uni. More fatty foods than I was used to but not an obscene amount, and I was still quite active. But I ballooned. I went up 3st (51lbs) in less than 3 months.

I went to my gp and requested bloods to be taken as I was worried that I possibly had a hormonal imbalance caused by PCOS as that sort of stuff runs in my family. He took note of the bloods request but basically told me not to worry. I mentioned I had put on weight rapidly and he told me to eat less and work out more. So I did.

I spent the next 3 years yoyoing dieting, paying massive amounts of money on gym memberships, personal training, fitness classes.

And.

Still.

Got.

Bigger.

My body image plummeted. I started fasting and dieting again. Eating healthily to have my body reject it because I was so anxious about eating and gaining. I was looking at thinspo and girls who were about 100-110lbs and wishing I could just be like them. I would watch biggest loser, supersize vs superskinny, my 600lb life all this programs to get tips on how to lose weight. I bought diet pills (they don’t work) I cried and screamed and threw my entire wardrobe into charity bags because nothing fit or looked good. I was working out 13hours a week and eating about 500calories a day. And still gaining weight.

So after a hellish and emotional final year (some of which I’ve spoken about on here) I gave up watching what I ate and exercising. I was up over 221lbs and I found out due to an accidental blood test (taken when I went for a ecg to check I wasn’t having heart attacks) that I had a thyroid condition which was why I had gained so much weight so quickly and why I couldn’t lose it.

But by then the damage was done. My binging and purging had turned into obsessively counting calories and fasting and binging until my body purged itself. However I gave up completely caring for the couple of months while I was in a very bad place mentally, this was actually my first step in recovery. It was the first time in a long time not caring and I needed that as it helped break the cycle.

Over this past year I have been working so hard on having a healthy relationship with food as well as my own health and fitness. I have bad days where I have to force myself to eat to accommodate for the energy I have used. And I have good days where I don’t have to fight the urge to step on the scale 15 times a day. It hard, on days where there is a lot of pressure or I have to relive some of the events from the past years it’s hard to not control that one little aspect. It’s why I sometimes forget to post weekly weigh ins because I’m trying to get out of using the scale a bit more and think about how I feel instead.

Running has helped me a lot over this past year. And I only track my calories occasionally for like a week at a time to make sure I’m not massively under eating. I’m hoping to work with a wonderful personal trainer when I’m back in the UK who specialises in female body conditioning and nutrition; my goals are NOT to lose weight (though I’m still aiming to get into that healthy bmi range) my goals are to get stronger, and develop and enhance my body’s natural shape with muscle, and get better with my food, what I should be eating and how much I should be eating.

I know my journey is very specific and there were a lot of bad events in quick succession that actually affected my view of things but I’m hoping this story can resonate with some people and help them to get help to recover or just look at themselves in a bit of a different light.

#weightloss #plus size fitblr #fitblr #fitness #fitness journey #fitness goals #2019 goals #june 2019 #2019 #healthy #health #personal #my story #eating disoder tw #healthy eating

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vanessagalang · 6 years

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Last week, I finally had the courage, and time to have my maternity shoot. 😀

It was such a surreal experience; it was a first time for everyone! My hair and makeup artist, the photo and video team, my husband, and of course, me!

I know it can be unnecessary, since we have so much to prepare for birth and the days after that, but I definitely wanted to push this idea to document this wonderful miracle while I can. And of course, it won’t be possible for me not to write about it here. Teehee!

So I’d like to share some tips and a guide on what you need to do just in case you’ll be holding your own momma-shoot!

Find a Comfortable Venue

I was 35 weeks when I had this shoot, and according to some of my readings, the best weeks to hold this photoshoot is when you are between your 28th to 35th. In this time, at least your tummy is showy enough to be captured, and at the same time, safer. We don’t want to be bothered by the fact that you can give birth any minute while posing for the camera, do we?

Photo Credit: http://sanrafaelriveradventure.com/

I tried looking for studios, and a good AirBNB place, but all the places I’ve looked for are either too cramped, doesn’t allow photoshoots, or are waaaaaaaaaaaaay too expensive!

Good thing, I stumbled upon a post in my feed about this cute getaway place in Bulacan. It’s called San Rafael River Adventure, and the place actually looks divine! 😀

They have a lot of fun activities that you can use for other types of shoots, like the prenup. But since I will just be using the entire accommodation, this should be enough.

It is highly important that you feel comfortable with the location or your venue, because of our condition. This is not the shoot where we can be adventurous. Leave it to the prenups and getaway trips! 😀

I booked the Glass Stilt Cottage, which is newly constructed by the way. I can’t believe I have a view of the lake in front of me! They have a comfy bed, and a jacuzzi. The space outside was enough to cater at least 6 people. There was a hammock, a sliding sofa, good lighting and a breezy weather to top it off. The air condition was good inside as well, plus the windows were perfect for those silhouette shots I was eyeing. Plus I thought that their rainy season promo was just perfect! So, what does a pregnant girl got to do? Book it right away of course! 😀

I am happy that the resort was very quick to reply, and I was given the available dates. I made a group chat, and voila, scheduled it right away together with the available dates of my team! 😀

2. Create Your Mood Board

I am a very bad pregnant-person-slash-client. Grr. I bash myself.

Oh well, I know I have to prepare for this weeks ago, but I was only able to send this to my team two days prior to our shooting day. I was too busy with some other things that I rarely had time to browse Pinterest or create a mood board.

But being the good crammer that I am, I was able to whip one just in time. Hehe 😀

Since I got a really good deal with Grid Studio too, (they are our civil wedding photo and video team by the way); they offered me unlimited shots, so yeah I want to maximize that. 😀

I thought about 5 sets and took inspiration from the things I found online, and of course with the available props and wardrobe that I have.

a. Whimsical Woman

I bought this pink ensemble way back in May, thinking it could be a good alternative for a bridal robe for my church wedding. But turns out, it could serve its purpose at an earlier date!

I also bought these flower crowns in SM. I couldn’t decide which one I like more, so I got them both. Haha Ayoko na pahirapan sarili ko! (I don’t want to have the burden of thinking which one is better!)

b. Simple and Laidback Mom + Hubby

I saw a lot of simples, and laidback shots that are perfect to include baby things, and the husband too. It looks soft on the eyes, very loving, and “very family”.

c. Boss Mama

This one is credited to my working-productive-self! Even though I’m pregnant, I am still very hands-on in my business especially that it’s new and the brand is just starting to pick up.

I always tell myself, I will not lose my identity and individuality just because of the new role that motherhood could bring; more so, it will be a big improvement. I will be a much better version because I’m adding a new role in my resume.

d. Boudoir

I actually wanted one before prior to getting married, but due to time constraints and indecisiveness, I wasn’t able to come up with one. Hopefully, when I get my body back post-pregnancy!

So in the meantime, I thought why not have one while expecting? It’s a totally new form because for once in my life I am not skinny, and I’ve got a few extra curves to flaunt. 😀

I can’t wait to share the silhouette photos! 😀

e. Summertime

Since I love wearing a bikini, and there was a Jacuzzi in our venue, there was no way I would pass on the opportunity of wearing one.

It was very funny too, because for once in my life, I have to buy an extra-large bikini! Haha 😀 I was pretty sad when I didn’t get the color I wanted because I was too big for the available Large size. Goodie, they have this red one that can fit my baby bump.

Which reminds me, I actually had a mini shoot wearing a bikini when I was in Bataan. I was 18 weeks here, and you could see how I just look ‘busog’.

3. Find a Good Maternity Shoot Team

This was easy. I was able to establish a really good relationship with my civil wedding photo-video-HMU team that I thought about them instantly. They actually haven’t done any maternity shoots, so this made the whole experience more exciting.

I actually thought of getting other suppliers, but I realized I will still get a better deal if I get my original team. I also saw some studios offering maternity shoots. Sure they are cheaper, but what I didn’t like is that they don’t give raw files of the photos, and they will only release like 5 to 10 shots, printed and edited. Plus there was no video too.

Grid Studio offered me unlimited shots, a video, printed photos and raw files, plus we can shoot anywhere I like, so yes, there was nothing left to discuss.

Elaine Cordova Makeup Artistry is such a good find too. She has done my makeup for a blog photoshoot and at my actual wedding, and I am really satisfied. She has great skills, plus I don’t have to burn holes in my pockets just to avail her airbush makeup. Elaine is also very instinctive, she knows what you want, asks for your makeup pegs, and deliberately retouches you every now and then, without you even asking.

4. Know Your Poses

Expect a lot of dreamy looks and belly-touching poses on a maternity shoot. So be sure your nails are polished! If you gain some weight and some extra chubbs in your face like I do, be sure you know your angles so you can still achieve the looks you want.

It’s also good to research poses with your husband/partner so things could go on smoothly. I am so happy that Rose and Michael of Grid Studio are very directive when it comes to poses. It was amazing how they handled and directed us even though it was also their first to cover a maternity shoot.

5. Prepare Your Props

We weren’t able to buy a lot of props, but good thing I was able to nick some of the random shopping baby finds we had. Plus it is so helpful that friends and family also gave their baby gifts earlier! Haha More props for us!

Here is the list of the props I think would help add more character to a maternity shoot:

Baby clothes

Baby shoes (Be gender specific)

Baby socks

Baby toys

Ultrasound Photos

Baby book / Storybook

Pregnancy book

Stuffed toy (I had a kangaroo with a little joey in its pouch)

A figure of the first letter of baby’s name (We didn’t have time to find one. Sad. )

6. Get a Good Night Sleep The Day Before

Please do! It’s good for your skin, and to rid those circles under your eyes. Plus it helps you to have good energy for the entire day!

I only had an hour’s sleep though. I was finishing bulk orders ready for delivery the next day, that’s why. I think my strong desire and excitement for the shoot to happen are what sustained me to last the whole day! 😀

7. Enjoy Being Gorgeously Pregnant and Pose the Belly Away

Honestly, I was extra weary that I won’t look great in this shoot, because I’m fat, my skin is dry, my belly button is protruding, my linea nigra is so apparent, my face feels like it’s going to burst, etc.

But hey, I am a walking miracle! That should be enough to keep me happy and make me feel beautiful. So I just accepted all these flaws that I have in my head, after all, these are all normal for a pregnant woman, duh?

So I just prepared myself that I won’t get the usual results in this photoshoot, unlike the past ones. I have to accept that early on. I will look different. Very different. But there’s a growing life inside me, and this little one is going to change my life forever. And being able to document that in a maternity shoot is already a blessing. Truly, something I would treasure for the years to come.

If you are thinking of having one too, I highly recommend it! It doesn’t have to put a big dent on your wallet though. You can always have the kind of shoot you want, whether in your home, studio, in a DIY setup, on the beach, or anywhere you find it comfortable doing. You just have to do your research, and be resourceful!

Go my mermom merfriends! 😀 Be confident and strut that baby bump soon! 😀 You only get pregnant once, or twice, or thrice! Haha 😀 Whatever the frequency is, it would be a great keepsake for your family to remember by, and a great photo to show the little one once he is outside too!

I will share my final shots when I get them!

Enjoy your pregnancy! I’m popping soon!

**, Via

7 Things to Do When Preparing for Your Maternity Shoot Last week, I finally had the courage, and time to have my maternity shoot. 😀 It was such a surreal experience; it was a first time for everyone!

#Maternity #Maternity Photoshot #Maternity Shoot #Mermom #Mermommy #Mom-To-Be #Mommy #motherhood #Photoshoot #Shoots

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honestlysadblog · 3 years

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I would never put this on my normal blog, or god forbid my ED recovery blog, or anywhere else where I'd expect anyone else to see, but:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

I hate myself so much less when I'm skinny

I hate myself less when I'm thinner

I hate myself less when I don't look like.... That.

I don't have to look like I used to. I never will. I don't have to have visible hipbones or a tummy that's concave lying down. I don't even really want that anymore. But....

How I look aty fattest is detestable and I never want to look that way again.

And I talk a big game! About intuitive eating! About basal metabolic rates. About how "calories in calories out is not how bodies work". But-

I sure am skinnier after this relapse 👀 So what is the truth?

I have been skipping meals. I have.... Not been eating like I should and not fighting that. I usually have a couple small "meals" of less than 500 cal throughout the day, and then one large one late at night right before bed when no one can see and I'm sleepy. It's a cozy ritual.

My ADHD meds make it too easy... almost impossible not to.

I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping, but I feel good. I deserve to feel good

Sometimes I feel like my whole life is nice fluffy lies on top of the horrible, mean truth. People DO like me better when I'm skinny. People DO want me more when I'm skinny. People DO respect me more when I'm skinny. I DO feel better when I'm skinny.

I DO want to be thin again

I'm not going to go under 1500 kcal a day, and I'm NEVER going to body inspect again. I'm not going to weigh or measure. I'm not going to let hunger-to-nausea-to-pain become the norm and ruin my ability to eat again but

I'm not going to stop this relapse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm a dieting bitch again ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Nothing tastes as good as skinny lovable feels

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flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash · 6 years

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Hey! So Ive been trying to have more love for myself lately.. and it’s hard after having so many negative thoughts for so many years.. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to work on self love more.. and how can I be confident in what I wear or do even though I am a bigger girl... sorry if I’m bothering you.. I see you give great advice out and this has been weighing on my mind :( .. love your blog by the way! ❤️

Hey! First off, I give you all the kudos for trying to build up your self-love, because that shit ain’t easy. As a fellow bigger girl, it really does suck that extra bit more because of ridiculous societal messages telling us that “skinny” is “pretty”.

So, this is just 100% a suggestion that helped me, and I can’t say it’ll help everyone, but I’m still gonna throw it out there. Because I despised my body ever since I hit puberty. I was always the “curvy” one in my friend group in middle school and high school, and even in undergrad I was sooooo hard on myself and always comparing my body size to others and feeling “fat” or “inadequate” (which, by the way, I’ve learned fat isn’t a dirty word. It’s just another adjective like any other word, and I love reclaiming it for myself because why does one word create so much angst in us?). Well, I hit grad school and finally decided enough was enough. We only get one body in our lives, and it’s the ONE thing that is ours and ours alone, so why was I waging war with the one true home my soul had?

So, what I did was got a full-length mirror (eep, I know). I put that sucker in my bedroom and I MADE myself stand naked in front of it for at least 5 minutes every single day. Butt ass naked. It was HORRIBLE at first. I didn’t let myself look away, and I took in all aspects of my body from all angles (sometimes doing funny poses or funny faces for a bit of humorous relief because it got intensely difficult some days). And I did that every day for months and months. And ya know what? After a while, I started to notice things about my body that I hadn’t. Sure, maybe I wished my tummy was flatter, or my thighs smaller, but hey, that dip in my waist is pretty cool, and my shoulders have these cute little freckles that aren’t so bad…I think you see where I’m going with this. I started focusing on the parts of my body that I DIDN’T dislike, and the more I did that, the more little things I liked that I noticed. I did it with my face too, and really took in my features. And the longer I did it, the easier it got. And now, over 5 years later, I still have a full-length mirror and I still make sure to look at myself naked every day. I don’t always do it for 5+ minutes nowadays, but I make sure to get in a few good looks. And sure, there’s still days that I’m like “oh god” and start to get that negative thinking, but there’s also days where I look and think, “Well damn, I look pretty good!” We all have positive and negative self-esteem days, but it’s not letting the negative ones take over and telling those negative thoughts to fuck off.

It’s also been me having to rewire my thought process about myself, as well as taking apart the stigma of what is considered “attractive”, because that word is so subjective. I’ve had people who say how attractive/pretty/etc they think I am, and then I’ve had people say comments that I’m not even gonna write out on here. The point is, you’ll never make everyone else happy, but what’s important is that YOU’RE happy and comfortable in your body. Regardless of size, shape, color, ability, etc…we ALL deserve to feel happy with the body we’re given.

Another thing that has helped tremendously is my support system. I have a group of friends now who NEVER enable that negative thinking. In fact, I just went to the gyno last month, and I almost fell over when I got on the scale and saw I had gained 10-15lbs. It really fucked me up the entire rest of the visit. So I texted two of my closest friends as soon as I left the office, and I was frantically asking them, “Did I look like I gained weight to you, when you were just here for my birthday?!” And I told them what had happened at the gyno. They both responded with support, one saying that it’s just a number on a scale, and that that number doesn’t define who I am, and that if I FEEL happy and healthy and confident, then fuck that scale (this is why I don’t even own a working scale or weigh myself, bc those damn numbers really mess with your head). The other friend told me that I was giving that number way too much power, and that I’m so many other qualities than my weight. She said that a number shouldn’t overpower my intelligence, compassion, drive, etc.

Well, they both made me tear up, because they were both so right, and I needed that reality check from them. I usually am pretty decent at giving myself that self-love, but I know that when I need some assistance with it, I have some amazing friends to help raise me back up and remind me that I’m a kickass woman who isn’t going to be cowed by something as silly as weight or body size.

Holy shit, this got SO rambly. Apologies. I’m so passionate about self-love though, and I know firsthand what a process it is. I also know I’m privileged in a lot of ways, being white, cis, and able-bodied, and I can’t imagine the struggle others who don’t have those privileges have to go through in fighting those societal stigmas.

Also, as far as what you wear, my advice is just make sure it fits and you’re comfortable in it, and fuck whatever size is on the tag. I used to be all caught up in the “omg, but it’s an XXL” or “but it’s a size X, Y, or Z size pants!” I have another amazing friend who is my go-to shopping buddy, because she’s an amazing emotional support for navigating the horrors of trying to shop for a curvier body (she legit brings a chocolate bar when we go shopping, and feeds me pieces when I start getting grumpy or down on myself if things don’t fit; she’s amazing). She gave me advice one time that always sticks with me. She said, “Ashton, NO ONE is going to know what size shirt or pants you have on. No one is going to demand to see the tag to make sure you’re wearing a large instead of an extra large. All anyone will notice is if the clothes don’t fit you properly, or if you’re not confident in them.” I was like damn….you’re so right. No one but ME (well, and my friend) knows what size these are, so why the fuck do I care, so long as *I* think I look cute in them?

God, it really comes down to numbers, doesn’t it? Fuck those numbers. Fuck every single one of them. We’re so much more than a number. I am. You are. We ALL are.

Okay, now I’m done rambling. I don’t know if any of that was helpful, but feel free to message me at any time if you need some positive support! Also, I’m looking at your profile picture, and you are so gorgeous, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

#inspiration #motivation #body positivity #self love

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wanderbitesbybobbie · 5 years

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REAL TALK: How I Lost 8 pounds in 3 Weeks

Once upon a time, I was a swooping 114 lbs. on the scale. I was close to 100 lbs., the ideal weight for my height. It took me 3 months of gym workouts and strict diet to get to 114. But then on June 2019, I had to fly back to Sydney for school works and in no time I was back on my MAD diet (meat all day). I mean… who can resist Australian Beef Steak with Peppercorn Sauce? I had zero self-control. I was snacking on ice cream in winter. I created a strong relationship with burgers and big fat potato chips. I was stocking on rare TimTam flavors which I could only find in Aussie. Coles, Woolies, and Aldi were my favorite hang-out places. If I felt a little broke, I would turn to $5 Domino’s Pizza and devour the entire thing. Also, my love for noodles didn’t help. Sydney Chinatown was my noodle-go-to place. Dry noodles, ramen, stir-fried, Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai… name it! I knew where to get them. Surprise, surprise! I was 121 lbs. when I left Sydney.

I was back in the gym, trying hard to lose the weight I gained. I ran 15 mins. full speed on the treadmill and continuously did circuit training. I did Pound exercises and Muay Thai. It wasn’t hard to lose the excess weight. I went back to counting my calorie intake and avoided rice. I firmly believed that white rice makes my tummy bloat.

2 months of hardcore training and I was back in the game. I was losing weight again. My core training was working. I can see the lines on my abs getting firmer. I had to be stricter this time. Unfortunately, my psychiatrist became a bit worried. I was being obsessed with weight-watching to the point that I sometimes starve myself by eating just a fruit to avoid consuming my calories. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. My depression went back, and it was bouncing like crazy. I had to stop the “diet”. I was still taking my plant-based protein shakes to replace some of my meals. It worked for a while, but then I flew to Jakarta.

Jakarta is a food-haven. I love Indonesian Cuisine. I love every bit of it, may it be something spicy, or sweet, or out of the ordinary. It was truly a gastronomic adventure that I totally forgot about calorie counting and diet. In Indonesia, rice is life. Plus, Indonesia is the home of “Three Buns” which happens to be the number one burger in Asia. I was lucky enough to be able to taste it while I was there. Each day was a totally different food experience. Which got me thinking… maybe traveling makes me gain weight? Maybe I should ditch food blogging?

TRAVELING MAKES ME GAIN WEIGHT… NOPE. IT WAS THE LACK OF SELF-CONTROL THAT MAKES ME GAIN WEIGHT.

The reality is… when you start eating unhealthy, you become somewhat addicted to it. You go after your cravings. For a few months, I drove to the biggest food night market in Manila on Fridays. It’s a street food heaven! I had pork barbecue smothered in fatty oil and dessert shakes colored in flavorful sugar. I would eat anything I wanted. I would snack on a cheese platter with a cold glass of Moscato while watching Netflix. I was at my laziest. I stopped going to the gym and stayed in front of the TV just like a sloth.

Until I felt it. My spine was hurting. It was probably my scoliosis, reminding me that I was becoming too heavy. I started having heart burns and I had trouble breathing. I wanted to go back to 114 lbs. I was only 14 lbs. away from my goal weight. I had to step on the scale and face it. I WAS A WHOPPING 139 LBS., bloated as hell, insecure, and having nothing to wear from my closet. What did I do to myself???

This is it! I have to re-evaluate all my choices. I started de-cluttering and cleansing. Not only on my diet, but also with my surroundings. I started cleaning my room. I chucked all the things that didn’t matter anymore. Old papers, old cards, old mugs, old clothes… and then I started with my cleanse.

EXERCISE IS ONLY 20% OF THE PROCESS.

I started stretching again and visiting the gym. I was slowly getting back into the rhythm. But, I knew I had to stick to something that would not make me go back to my unhealthy lifestyle. I was then introduced to a Netflix Documentary titled “The Game Changers”. It’s a documentary that explains all the science behind a plant-based diet. At first, I was hesitant to try focusing on a plant-based diet. I mean… c’mon. It was clearly not a balanced diet for me. I need my meat, I need my fish. But… as I slowly took in the facts, it gave me the extra push that I needed. It completely changed the way I see (and eat) food.

I started changing my meal plans. I started choosing greens from being the carnivore that I was. My plate became more colorful, not from fancy sugars, but from the vegetables that I hand-picked from the farmer’s market.

I was doing it. I was giving it a go. Completely changing my diet to plant-based was hard at first. I always craved for roast pork and grilled chicken. But then, realizing that plant-based foods can be as whole as what we would normally eat, I started cooking healthy. My protein source became completely plant-based. My sauces were all plant-based. Some people would always tell me… “No. You need to eat beef or fish or chicken breast or eggs to get your protein fix.” What people don’t understand is that these meats are only carriers of protein. THEY ARE NOT THE SOURCE. At the end of the day, what do these animals feed on? Cows that produce dairy and beef meat eat grass. Chickens eat corn. Pigs that produce your favorite pork chops eat whatever, God-knows-what. THEY ALL EAT PLANTS. These animals are bred and confined in an area where they can get sick and contaminate their own species. They are injected with antibiotics of high dozes to avoid deadly illnesses that can sometimes be transmitted to humans. It’s the same with seafood. Commercial breeders breed the fishes in pens and we can only imagine the amount of mercury they have taken from swimming in highly polluted waters.. Plus, let’s not forget the fact that not all parts of these animals are lean. There will always be excess fats which can tick off your cholesterol levels in dangerous amounts. Hello Bagnet, Lechon Kawali, Crispy Pata… fat deep-fried in fat. THEY TASTE SOOOO GOOD… I won’t argue. But we all know, it’s bad for you.

Anyway, as I started shifting to a plant-based diet, counting my calories was easier. I started avoiding dairy and animal bi-products. Since vegetables and fruits theoretically have lower calories than meats, I indulge, but NEVER go beyond my allotted calorie count. In a matter of few days, I started losing 2 lbs. I was eating healthy and exercising. I started cooking Thai, Korean, Mexican, making tacos out of vegetables and soft shell whole wheat tortillas. I’m a dessert person, so when I craved for sweets, I had almond milk shakes packed with strawberries and bananas. Almond Milk contains 45 kcal per 180 ml serving, compared to 200 plus the excess sugars you get from full cream milk. I made everything homemade… Pesto in Wheat Pasta, Thai Eggplants with Tofu and Basil, Kimchi Stew, Vegetable Curry. Everything was from whole foods, none of the bi-products. I snacked on fruits instead of my cheese platters. I started reading the labels and looking at what I was actually eating. In 2 weeks, I lost almost 6 lbs. I was truly amazed.

SUGAR-FREE? I WOULD RATHER INTAKE REAL SUGAR OUT OF CANE OR COCONUT THAN EAT SOMETHING THAT SAYS SUGAR-FREE.

Anything that says sugar-free uses sugar substitutes that contain Aspartame or Erythritol. These substitutes are essentially cheaper than raw sugar in a mass production set-up, however, these chemicals do more bad than good. They contain carcinogens (main cause of cancer), just the same carcinogens you get from over-cooking processed foods like bacon, hotdogs, and what-nots. I am a Food Technologist myself and I have been working in a diet cafe in Australia which required me to make “healthy” recipes as the head R&D Pastry Chef. They wanted me to create things that say Sugar-Free, Gluten Free, Lactose Free… and whatever “Free” you could possibly think of. Guess what they ask me to use? NOTHING but chemicals. I choose not to drop the name of the cafe. I would rather zip it than get sued. LOL.

SHIFTING IS NOT EASY. IT REQUIRES A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF DEDICATION AND SELF-CONTROL.

I am not pushing anyone to be on a plant-based diet. I am simply relaying how I lost weight by eating healthy and exercising. My therapist would always tell me that 30 mins. cardio a day (dancing, pound, running, walking) is ultimately healthy for the brain. I try to do it even when I’m just at home. This is my fitness journey. I share my healthy recipes on this blog.

DIETS I’VE TRIED BUT I STILL BOUNCED BACK TO GAINING WEIGHT

Paleo Diet

Intermittent Fasting

GM Diet (for cleansing)

Military Diet

Low Carb Diet

What works for me doesn’t always mean it will work for you and vice-versa. It’s your dedication and will to change that makes it possible. Weight gain doesn’t always mean you’re getting fat. It can also mean you’re getting leaner, thus the muscle gain. Remember, skinny doesn’t always mean healthy and healthy doesn’t have to be skinny. 😊

REAL TALK: How I Lost 8 pounds in 3 Weeks was originally published on WanderBitesByBobbie

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