#but this is about my personal thoughts as a white trans guy. so it felt like a weird thing to tack on because this post is drawing from

[lovebloods]

.

[outsidedykeotomy]

give me more trans gay men with meat on their bones to idolize. give me more fat men to go on my gender vision board. when you go online and look for gender envy yadda yadda it’s riddled with the skinniest men you’ve ever seen. this is a problem!! if you hold skinny people in your mind when you think “this is so gender” you’re not setting yourself up for anything good.

[pawberri]

thank you for all the posts you've made, your takes are always so refreshing to hear.

I want to know your thoughts (if it's okay with you, you can also totally ignore this) about all the "men hate" I see online. like I (poc transmasc non-passing) get it, there are genuine societal gender problems. transmisogyny does exist-women face more challenges than men do. but it genuinely hurts when women, especially trans women, think it's funny/quirky to call men trash or say they want all men dead or whatever. idk I just am hoping someone else understands, you know?

There's a lot of nuances to this question. First, I just want to caution against focusing too much on trans girls as the perpetrators of this. A lot of the asks I get from trans men seem to really fixate on trans women as the perpetrators of hard line gender essentialism. I really think trans girls are not the main people we should be focusing on here. If a trans woman is saying this stuff, take the time to analyze her ideology outside of that pithy comment and consider how much trauma and how little power she has in the world. That said, trans women are affected by this kind of ideology just like us, and they rarely have the power to wield it against others in the way cis people can. I know it hurts to feel isolated by your own community, but that kinda gets into my second point.

Part of dealing with this is learning an impulse progressive cishet dude have had to get used to over the decade. Sometimes, "men are trash" or even "kill all men" are not literal phrases. They are things women say when they're in the throes of trauma to vent their frustration. "Men are trash" in particular is generally pretty lighthearted and used to complain when you have a bad date or something. You have to get used to analyzing what someone actually means and airing on the side of empathy. You, as a man, are the one with some amount of systemic power over that woman, so you are the one who needs to prove you are dedicated to not being a misogynist. The same thing happens when my friends say they hate white people. I have to assume they don't hate me given that I'm their friend, but that I still have some of the negative traits of whiteness. I need to care enough to be a good friend by being anti-racist and checking myself on my behavior. I need to be willing to prioritize their comfort over mine. That includes not becoming this meme:

Now that that's established, there ARE times when "all men are evil and should die" is an actual ideology. It's an ideology that hurts tons of minority groups before it hurts the most powerful, but it's also not really great if we assume it only hurts cishet white guys. Following it to its logical conclusion, it just proposes a reversal of oppression dynamics. This gender essentialism is a key part of radical feminism, trans exclusionary or not, but it leaks out of that community to general feminism all the time.

As a young person on Tumblr and Twitter, this deeply affected me. I internalized the idea that you can "just be a girl." It was repeated by some trans girls, but also a LOT of TME people. It was framed as trans inclusive, but it's trans inclusive in the way "political lesbianism" is lesbian positive. It posits gender as a moral choice that is completely up to the individual and unrelated to biology. It's the lazy version of "gender is a social construct." I felt sick and disgusting for wanting to be a boy because tons of well-meaning friends of mine had made it clear that "being a boy" was a choice, and it was the wrong one. "Boy" was a social category that could and should eventually be eradicated. Trans women were conditionally supported because they, in theory, made this future possible. This didn't amount to actual support, of course. It was an ideology mostly spread by afab queer people that mostly benefited afab queer people. There were a few trans girls who spread it, maybe some due to genuinely believing in the ideology and some due to social pressure, but there were also a lot of people straight-up grifting as trans girls who used this thinking to feel powerful in a niche community of teens. Remember fucking Yandere Bitch Club???

At a certain point, I genuinely thought of being a man as an unambiguous moral failing, and I lashed out at out trans men because of it. I wanted to feel powerful, and here was a type of man in my community I could shame and exclude. I still feel bad for making a bunch of ~girls only~ stuff in HS that excluded the one out trans dude at our school, my friend, because he was just a ~binary man~ and leaving him with no friends and no community. I treated transphobia like it wasn't a real oppression on its own and, in doing so, perpetuated transphobia. It happens a lot.

I wasn't really able to accept that there was nuance to the concept of manhood until I read this article while struggling to accept my own gender:

This is a pretty seminal piece of writing. It has its flaws, of course, but the empathy and intersectionality it highlights was life-changing. It also shows that this kind of thinking is largely perpetuated by TME people and hurts trans women greatly.

Gender essentialism is a bad ideology, it's a transphobic, transmisogynist, racist, etc etc ideology. It's literally essential to patriarchy. But it's also very easy to repackage into leftism and easy to dogwhistle. As a result, it's natural to be hesitant when you see someone saying they hate all men, but you have to tread extremely lightly and actually care what they're attempting to express. Because, yeah, men as a social class still hold power over women. They still have reason to fear and hate men.

I'm writing a comic about this stuff, actually, so look out for it in the future..........

[blackheart-6]

noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

[ropes3amthoughts]

I always talk about how much I love Kabru, but I do have some issues with him, specifically regarding his portrayal in both fanon and canon. I went on this huge messy rant earlier to my friends, which I tried to clean up and share here. Sorry if this is like nonsensical or messy. Even though I’m not half asleep (like I usually am when ranting about him lmao), I’m not the most clear when it comes to expressing my thoughts and feelings. I just felt like sharing all this because he’s really taking up space in my brain lmao. I put some images at the bottom so that they would provide helpful visuals but not be disruptive to the overall text, they will have corresponded asterisks (*) to show what part of the rant they refer to.

I would like to start this off with the disclaimer that I do NOT think I understand Kabru better than everybody else (like this is not an “all of you guys are portraying him so bad and nobody gets him like I do and I’m a better author than Ryoko Kui herself” this is more like an “I’ve noticed some things and it kind of bothered me so I felt like talking about it”), I am not transmasc or a transman, and I am not South Asian, so if anything I’m saying is straight up wrong you can tell me. I’m not always the brightest, so feel free to be completely honest and blunt with me, especially if I say something blatantly wrong, inappropriate, or anything like that.

With fandom portrayals, this may be a bit controversial but I have some mixed feelings towards the headcanon of Kabru being transmasc/a transman. I don’t at all hate the transmasc Kabru headcanon, in fact I like transmasc Kabru and think there are plenty of valid reasons to headcanon that, for example: “Kabru isn’t his original name” or “He used to wear a skirt as a child” or “I’m trans and I see some of my experiences in Kabru.” I understand why many people would see him that way, and I don’t at all think it is completely unrealistic or out of character if people to treat him as such. It sometimes makes me feel iffy, however, due to the way some people perceive him.

I feel like a lot of people see Kabru as gender non-confirming/gender neutral, looking like a butch lesbian, or even feminine, when there really isn’t anything indicating this is the case. I feel as if a handful of people headcanon him to be a transman/transmasc due to the fact they perceive him this way, as less masculine/gender neutral/feminine. Again, transman Kabru is not some inherently bad and evil headcanon, but I think the reason it’s so popular is because many people don’t really see Kabru as a “proper” man, which is in part due to racism and transphobia. This is not claiming all people who like the transmasc/transman Kabru headcanon are racist and transphobic by the way, I’m just saying that due to the racist and transphobic biases of some, this headcanon is a lot more appealing than it would be if it were another character being headcanoned this way. This isn’t at all about every single person who has this headcanon, since, like I said in the paragraph before, there are many understandable reasons as to why someone would see him this way, but it really seems to me that since Kabru has like 1 centimeter long eyelashes, he’s a bit shorter than average, and he’s not white, there are some people who don’t really see him as fully masculine, they don’t really see him as a male character, and because of that, they headcanon him as a transman or transmasculine.

I think the way people see him as less masculine absolutely has to do with his race. I’ve seen so many people talk about how WOC, often black women, are perceived as masculine and how MOC, particularly Asian men, are perceived as feminine because they don’t fit the like euro centric standards or whatever they’re called I’m not a professional essayist. What I basically mean is POC are often perceived as feminine or masculine solely due to their racial characteristics that don’t adhere to white standards. I definitely think that being a South Asian man plays into how people perceive Kabru as less masculine. If he was white, would as many people think of him as gnc or fem or transmasc? I personally don’t think so because of the much fewer trans headcanons I have seen for any of the other characters.

I’ve seen a handful of trans headcanons for other characters, mainly Laios being transfem and a little bit of Falin being transmasc, Chilchuck being transmasc, and Izutsumi being non-binary, but none of them are anywhere near as popular as the transmasc Kabru headcanon. Another thing that has me raising my eyebrows is which characters people do and don’t headcanon to be transgender. For example, I’ve seen so many people talk about how Senshi has feminine qualities to him, but I’ve never seen anybody talk about how they think Senshi is trans because of those qualities. In fact, I think I have only seen like one person headcanon Senshi to be trans at all, which is very different than the maybe fifty people I’ve seen headcanon Kabru to be trans. It just makes me wonder why people never headcanon Senshi as trans in contrast to a character like Kabru. Is it because Senshi has a full beard and, despite the several feminine qualities to him that people like to point out, he’s overall perceived as masculine and people only see transman as feminine men-like people? Is it because people feel confident in Senshi’s identity as a man, so there’s no way he could be a transman, but with someone like Kabru he is seen as less manly, so it’s easier to label him as trans? Is it because Senshi’s skin tone is lighter, it makes it easier for people to see him as a “real” man?

You don’t have to see Senshi as trans or anything, I just noticed that Senshi is one of the characters who is headcanoned to be trans the least where Kabru is on the other side of the spectrum and I think it has to do with how people see trans people as not quite men. I think when people see Senshi with his (white) masculine looks, they see him as a “real” and “normal” man, but they see Kabru and think “he looks like a butch girl,” so they headcanon Kabru as trans masculine, but not Senshi because people seem to have some assumption that transmen aren’t “really” men, despite the fact that there are many very masculine transmen out there. Transmen aren’t some quirky little afabs who aren’t really men, they aren’t some sort of better man because they grew up being labeled as a girl. They are men, they are capable of being and looking masculine and they are capable of falling victim to the same harmful thought patterns and behavioral patterns as cismen. Transmen are men and should be regarded as such, not as feminine men-like people, which is why it really irks me with some people headcanon Kabru as a transman because they thought he was a butch lesbian or feminine or anything like that.

Sorry if this sounds angry and accusatory, it just feels like some people think Kabru is trans because they don’t see him as masculine because he isn’t white and also they don’t see transmen as real men. I just really get the feeling sometimes that some people see him as less masculine because he’s Asian and because he’s seen as less masculine it’s easier to put the label of transman on him since so many people tend to think transman are just men-like and not “real” men, or that by applying the label of trans masculine to Kabru, it makes it easier to justify the racial biases that make some people perceive him as feminine because “oh he’s not a girl, he’s just trans” when the reason they see him as girly in the first place is because of his race and the trans headcanon is only being applied because people see him as looking like a girl. Like not only do some people have these subconscious racial biases, they are validating them by applying a weird view of transmasculinity where they see transmen as non masculine men. It just really bugs me to see Kabru be perceived as transmasc because people see him as fem/gn/not quite masculine/man-like or just seeing people perceive him as any of those less masculine ways at all because I think it’s definitely a race thing and Kabru already isn’t even that good of a portrayal of race! It’s just a bit upsetting that some fans aren’t trying to expand on his identity with race where Ryoko Kui fell short and instead perceive him as a “less masculine” transman which is a bit of a weird stereotype in terms of how it regards both Asian men and transmen. Again, not everybody headcanoning this is some malicious racist and transphobe, in fact I think a lot of it is unintentional, but I think those biases definitely affect the way some people perceive Kabru.

More on the topic of Kabru not being a good portrayal of whatever South Asian race he’s supposed to be in canon, I don’t think Kabru is good representation from a racial standpoint (sorry for the sudden topic change). I love his character so much and he is well written from a strictly character lens, and he isn’t at all bad representation or anything like that, but if you asked me for an example of good South Asian representation in media, Kabru’s name wouldn’t cross my mind. Kabru isn’t handled poorly, but he isn’t handled amazingly either.

I’ve seen some people defend how his light eyes are relevant to his backstory and yes they are, but they also never come up again and they don’t come up at all in the main story. They are relevant in his backstory, but that’s only if you read the extra content, so people who only read the manga would not even have this explanation, and they are only brought up twice (it’s mentioned to be the reason Kabru and his mother had to leave home, and it’s brought up in a mini comic as something he’s insecure about), but then it’s never brought up again. I know Ryoko Kui had a lot going on in the story, but I wish it could’ve at least been mentioned or even alluded to in the main story, like maybe even in a throw away line or whatever. Ryoko Kui does this a handful of times, for example, there was that one line about how Maizuru didn’t want Mickbell and Kuro to touch the windows because it would mess up the return spell when they returned to the surface.* Why would touching the windows disrupts the spell? It doesn’t make much sense until you read the extra content explaining that the return spell only works if the house is completely sealed off (doors, windows, etc.) and so if they opened the windows, it would break the return spell, yet Ryoko Kui still put it in the manga! I know Kabru isn’t like the main character and his feelings aren’t the focus of the story, but if Ryoko Kui could allude to and have several vague references to the worldbuilding and character aspects, like the return spell, that are only explained in more depth outside of the manga, I think she totally could’ve put some vague mention of Kabru’s eyes being “monster eyes,” or that Kabru doesn’t like his eyes, or something along those lines. That way, his eyes being light have more relevance and aren’t solely in his backstory that most people won’t even see.

I really wish there was some sort of mention of his eyes in the main manga because I don’t believe that Milsiril telling him there’s perfectly logical reasons for him having blue eyes really cured all of his negative feelings about them. His eyes were the reason he and his mom had to leave home. If he hadn’t had blue eyes his mother probably wouldn’t have been killed in the Utaya incident. Plus she was killed by monsters and Kabru’s eyes were referred to as monster eyes. I don’t think he’s never thought of the connections before, I think he probably feels guilty for his mother’s death even more than he usually would with typical survivor’s guilt. I feel like that insecurity would linger and the concept could have been expanded on more, like making even a small appearance in the main manga, because it is a really interesting bit of backstory, but it really isn’t given as much attention as it could.

Additionally, I have seen some people point out how Kabru isn’t even able to be tied to a specific culture the way several others are. I mean, it’s not a huge problem, because the majority of DunMeshi characters don’t have clear ties to culture or even last names, even a handful of the white characters, but it is a little disappointing that he doesn’t really have a clear connection when other characters are able to given he is one of the few dark skinned characters in the story, who is also rather important, especially since Ryoko Kui had several opportunities to give him a more definite real world race.

He doesn’t necessarily need to have a clear connection to his culture, and it wouldn’t really make sense if had a lot of connection with his culture since he had to leave his original home, then all the people at his second home were slaughtered, and then he had to be moved a third time to the north with the elves, but he easily could have had a more clear connection with a real world culture. It does make sense he has little ties to his original culture, given the aforementioned things and Milsiril’s desire for a proper mother-son relationship between herself and Kabru, despite not properly seeing eye to eye with him, definitely prevented him from being in tune with his culture as he could have been, like in the hometown sweets comic. In the comic, Kabru is going to talk about his hometown sweet, rasgulla, but Milsiril is upset he doesn’t consider elf cake to be his hometown dish, since it implies he doesn’t consider her home to be his home, so he instead embraces elf cake as the dish he talks about to appease her. Back on the topic of real world connections, If Ryoko Kui had let Kabru say like one or two more words before being cut off, she could have easily tied him to a specific place.** Based on Kabru’s namesake (Kabru, a mountain bordering both India and Nepal) and cultural aspects, he’s clearly South Asian, though he seems to be specific to the same region as his namesake (India and Nepal), but it unfortunately isn’t clear. The treat Kabru was going to talk about, however, had different names depending on the region, Rasgulla in India and Rasburi in Nepal, so depending on which name Kabru used for it, Ryoko Kui could’ve confirmed exactly which place of origin he’s meant to be from, but she did not. I’m just a bit disappointed that Ryoko Kui had the potential to tie him to a specific country, but didn’t.

I feel like Kabru could’ve had a little more cultural aspects in general, especially when compared to other characters. For example, Marcille is clearly meant to be Italian. She never says “I’m Italian” but people can easily infer it by her hometown dish because Ryoko Kui is specific with her hometown dish. When Izutsumi asks if Laios and Senshi made the right thing, she lists examples of Italian dishes, and their are even little images are provided.*** Like I said earlier, the treat from Kabru’s hometown could’ve been named, but Kabru also has a moment where he talks about a dish from his hometown: lamb stew, however Ryoko Kui doesn’t go into any specifics about it! She could’ve made Kabru list some of the ingredients that were missing from the lamb stew, or show a small visual, like a flashback or Kabru visualizing what the dish would look like, similar to the way visuals were provided by Izutsumi when talking about Marcille’s hometown dish, to help give a better idea as to what exactly Kabru’s mother made for him and to help pinpoint where he’s from, but Ryoko Kui did not do that. She could’ve even given it a more specific name, like how Izutsumi lists specifically Italian named dishes when on the topic of Marcille’s hometown dish, but Ryoko Kui did not do that either, leaving only a vague hometown sweet and a vague lamb stew that didn’t even have the proper ingredients. I don’t think Kabru was a character Ryoko Kui made carelessly, I think she definitely put a lot of care into crafting his character, but I think she could have put a little more care into his race. I just think there could’ve been a little more specific details to things like the hometown dishes or Kabru’s Utaya flashbacks could’ve had more specific architecture, outfits, monsters (yes, even monsters, since those can have inspirations from certain cultures, like with the Eastern Dragon), etc. that would indicate the exact region/culture he’s meant to be from. I think Ryoko Kui could’ve easily confirmed whether he was Indian or Nepali with just a few more specific details and I can’t help but be disappointed that she didn’t.

I don’t at all think Kabru is some egregious racist orientalist caricature or anything like that, but I do think Ryoko Kui could’ve made him a little more specific to a certain culture rather than leaving him ambiguous to a certain region. I also think she could’ve made his eyes have a more prevalent reason to be light and not have just it as a backstory thing that never comes up in the manga. Kabru really isn’t a bad character in terms of character writing or race, he I think he just isn’t that good representation of whatever culture he’s meant to represent, since he is somewhat vague South Asian representation and not firmly Indian or Nepali, when characters like Toshiro are clearly Japanese.

Ok, I’m kind of sidetracked at this point, but I have so many feelings about a ton of different subjects. This kind of switches over to race in Dungeon Meshi in general. This is a bit of a messy paragraph, but I wasn’t quite sure how to word it better. I think Ryoko Kui could’ve drawn him with more idk the word prominent(?) features? Idk how to describe it that well but like he’s meant to have visible lips, and they appear sometimes, but not that often. Also, his hair really isn’t that curly. Ryoko Kui definitely changed the way she drew him over time, but his hair isn’t like curly-curly isn’t like semi-curly like it definitely isn’t straight but it isn’t really curly y’know what I mean?

I wish Ryoko Kui could’ve done a little more with her representation in general because while she does have representation it isn’t that good. It’s not bad by any means, and her work is a lot more diverse than many others, but her representation isn’t the best is what I mean. I saw a rant about it, which did a way better job of putting this into intelligible words than I could, about how Ryoko Kui has surface level representation, with very few dark skin characters, almost all of them being side characters, the only plus sized characters being the Orcs, who are pig-like Demi-humans, and the only canonical queer character (Otta, who’s butch and sapphic) being a side character who is also perceived as a pedo and she’s a human trafficker. I think these are valid to be upset about because while Ryoko Kui does have more representation than most, a lot of it definitely could’ve been handled better. I can’t remember if the person said this, but I want to complain about hair some more about hair. Cithis is meant to be black, right? Her hair is totally straight, and there are black people with straight hair, but I wish she had a different hair type, given that she is like the only black character in Dungeon Meshi (I’m unsure what Thistle, Kaka, and Kiki are supposed to be, and I don’t think the elves with obsidian skin count, but I’m pretty sure Cithis is meant to be a black girl). I know she’s an elf and they have some oddities to their appearances, like the obsidian skin, but like could Cithis have at least gotten a some hair texture or a neat hair style 💔 maybe I’m just being a whiny little baby but I would’ve loved to see some more diversity with hair types, especially since hair is important with its ties to magic and such.

I do really love Dungeon Meshi and it is more diverse than most things but it’s like flawed? Y’know? I mean I don’t expect it to be perfect but I wish it was handled better especially with Kabru (lmao finally circling back to him here) because I do love him so much and I wish there was just some more thought put into the specifics of his race and such. I do think Dungeon Meshi is an incredible work, but I think it is lacking in several areas, especially when it comes to characters of color like Kabru.

TLDR: I think some fans think Kabru is effeminate due to his identity as an Asian man and their subconscious racial biases and, because they see him as effeminate, they tend to headcanon him as a transman or transmasc. These fans also don’t see transmen as real men, but rather as man-like/feminine men/butch women, which is why they associate it with Kabru, whom they perceive similarly. More on his identity as an Asian man, Ryoko Kui gives us good stuff, but not as good as it could’ve been, so Kabru, though he isn’t bad representation, isn’t very good South Asian representation due to the lack of clarity regarding his real world race. Ryoko Kui is actually a bit lackluster with all of her representation, which is a huge shame since I love Dungeon Meshi and Kabru’s character. I think if she put in a bit more detail into things like Kabru’s hometown food and put Kabru’s reason for having light eyes directly into the manga, even if it is just a throw away line, Kabru could’ve been a lot better in terms of the way his race is handled, since it isn’t even clear whether he is Indian or Nepali, just South Asian in general. Sorry that this summary is so long I am trying to condense like twenty paragraphs into just one.

Sorry for this absolute yapfest lmao. I have a ton of thoughts about Kabru, the way he’s portrayed in fanon, the way Ryoko Kui writes him, and the way race is treated in Dungeon Meshi as a whole. Again, if you have any critiques for my rant feel free to share! Thanks to anybody who actually reads this whole thing! I’d be happy to hear your thoughts about it!

* This is explained a little, but you don’t really understand why windows mess up the spell until you read the extra info on it. Kabru easily could’ve had a small reference to his eyes that are only properly expanded on in outside content, similarly to this example here.

** Demonstration of how putting a few more words could’ve easily given Kabru a clear connection to real world culture instead of leaving it vague.

*** Italian dishes are named and visually shown for Marcille’s hometown dish. Meanwhile Kabru’s memories of the dish, the ingredients of the dish, and what the dish was meant to look like were not provided/gone into detail. A missed opportunity 💔

[scribble-brain-aced]

for pride month, i have:

a list of how the hazbin hotel had their gay awakening. (or lesbian, or bi, or trans, or aroace, pan, etc)

Charlie: she watched Sleeping Beauty, the year after it came out. she looked at Snow White and thought “wow, she’s so pretty.. but also Price Florian.. wait.” because this was in 1938, she didn’t know what bisexuality was, but she knew and accepted her feelings, because it wasn’t a big deal to her. in the 1970s, she found the label for it— bisexuality— and thought “OH THERE’S A NAME FOR THIS, YAY!” and that was that.

Vaggie: when she was still alive, in 2010, a friend sent her a photo of a genderbent character from some TV show, and her first thought was “oh, okay, i see why everyone’s in love with them now. …wait.” she spent the next 20 minutes looking up female versions of characters and realizing “oh. OH THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH” (based on my own story)

Angel: honestly, he can’t really say. he just kinda knew from the beginning that men were just hot, and he’d marry a guy if he could. molly just assumed he meant “yeah, men are just better than women” and went along with it, even though she personally thought both were radiantly beautiful. (she found out what pansexual meant in 1972.)

Husk: he has no idea. if asked, he just shrugs and goes “any hole is a goal, i couldn’t care less.” at one point, Angel just shoved a poster at him, Husk read it and was like “oh. i guess that’s me.” pretty chill reaction, just continued his normal day, but kept thinking “okay, wow, that’s ME.”

Sir Pentious: he just thought all people liked both men and women, but because of societal rules and whatever, they had to wait until they had a crush on the opposite gender. ..what do you mean thats not what being straight is. (he only found out what bisexuality was after he came to the Hotel and Charlie had a bi flag pin. he asked her what country that was, and she had to sit him down to explain the concept of LGBTQ+, and no, it is ABSOLUTELY NOT a mental illness, wtf, you’re fine, buddy, go be happy.)

Alastor: post-season 1, like three people separately wished him a happy asexual awareness week and he was so confused, he asked Angel to look up ‘a sexual’ on his phone because he couldn’t find anything at the library. (he was looking at the outdated library in cannibal town.) he read the definition, and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. if anybody heard muffled screaming and somehow-happy-sounding swearing, nobody mentioned it.

Vox: pfft, what? no, he’s not gay! he’s perfectly straight! is it gay to say that men are just as good at women? …Val, what do you MEAN ‘no but yes’? (Valentino explained the entire history of LGBTQ+, stressing bisexuality. Vox just said “okay, okay, hear me out.. there’s a whole month for them, right? their whole thing is rainbows? what if we paint all of our logos rainbow-colored? they’d buy it!” Valentino gave up, because Vox just COULD NOT comprehend what he was trying to say. but he keeps sending bisexual memes to Vox.)

Valentino: he just always knew. come on, everyone’s hot, unless they aren’t. even better if they can be exploited. that’s all there is to it.

Velvette: pfft, she grew up with social media, she’s known about this shit since she was a kid. fuck love, fuck fucking, she’d rather pester Vox into making cheesy garlic bread. the guy’s a bitch, but he makes good cheesy garlic bread.

Baxter: back before he and sir pentious became bitter enemies, they were both talking about.. whatever. at one point, they got on the topic of clothing, and Baxter— then Bella— griped that he hated how dresses felt. too heavy, too annoying, and it made him feel sick, anyway. suits were just better, not just because they’re lighter. man, he wished he were a boy. pentious asked if he wanted to be a boy in general, not just for the suits, and after a moment, Baxter excused himself quickly to go find something in his library, shooing Pentious out of the house. a couple days later, he came out, transitioned, all that. the only reason he doesn’t cut off his light-lure thingy is because it’s useful. other than that, he avoids looking at it as much as possible.

[mueritos]

Hi Matteo,

I just wanted to say that I really appreciated the most recent comic you posted. It feels like it came at the perfect time for me lol. I’m in a bit of a transitional stage right now(in many ways) and I’ve basically gotten used to feeling like I’m disconnected and free floating. I know it won’t always be like that but it’s been rough. I have a friend who’s also a trans guy, though he transitioned several years before me and is now stealth, and though I cherish his friendship and appreciate his support, I sometimes find it hard to relate to his experience as a white guy with supportive parents. To some extent, my queerness has always felt very separate to my identity as a child of Mexican immigrants. I recently got the chance to visit family in Mexico and despite loving the experience, I was just so uncomfortable the entire time having to present as a girl. I’ve been trying to build up the courage to tell my parents that I’m starting T and it’s made me feel sort of alone because it’s a choice that I’ll have to defend myself. Idk, this comic just reminded me that there are other people who have gotten through these situations just fine and it was cool to see. I’m sorry for the long ramblings, I had a point initially but I kind of lost track of it. I mainly just wanted to thank you for what you do, it’s really nice to know that there are people out there like you.

hey friend! its not easy being us, but im proud of you for hanging in there. I personally haven't been to Mexico since I was 9 because I fear having to present as a girl, though I feel that no one down there would ever remember who I am enough to know I was born as one. I feel you on having white trans friends. I have one who I am very close to, but its hard to relate. His parents are so accepting in ways that mine aren't, and my parents do love and accept me! But that sort of acceptance in a Mexican family isn't mainstream. I had to accept that I was disappointing and hurting my parents GREATLY by choosing myself, all while knowing they still loved me.

It's weird. Even when your parents/family do come around, it's not 100%, but it's not like they dislike you. If anything, I have such a great relationship with my mom rn. We talk for hours about things I never would have thought we could ever talk about. My dad calls me as Matt often, but he still calls me by my old nickname when he's giving me kisses on the forehead.

Choosing yourself is not something we're supposed to be doing as children of immigrants. Every choice we make has to be for the betterment of the family. You might be the only one in your corner for a while, but the fight is worth it. Build community outside of your family where your presence isn't questioned. You're going to need it. Plan for the worst, and plan for the best.

Trans latines are out there. We are here! Many of us are thriving despite the horrors haha. Hang in there friend :]

[jaggedteeth]

as the u.s. tour comes to a close, i want to take a moment to talk about a phenomenon i’ve seen taking place within mcr internet fan spaces these last few months, my thoughts on it, and how i think it relates back to digital media literacy.

(before we start, i want to make it clear that i’m just some guy and i am definitely not the most qualified person to talk about this, but i think some of the things in this post really, really need to be said. my hope is not necessarily to change your mind or to “get you on my side,” but to encourage you to think critically and independently, even during your daily scroll on social media.)

————

so, what is this ominous phenomenon i’m talking about? i’m referring to some of the comments i’ve seen mcr fans make regarding gerard’s gender—specifically the public, speculative, and seemingly unironic ones that attempt to put a label or a semblance of a label on his gender nonconformity.

(i think now’s a good time to mention you should read this entire post before engaging with or commenting on it. stay with me. we’re in this together.)

here is a post that i think does a good job of explaining this a little more in-depth for anyone who’s out of the loop.

regardless of my personal opinions on all of this, i understand why it’s happening. much of mcr’s fanbase is trans and/or non-binary, and seeking out representation from familiar, comforting figures is not out of the ordinary. i don’t think anyone involved means harm, and this isn’t a callout post. i’m just adding to a discussion i think has been largely one-sided up until recently.

————

what is the point of me making this post? to put it bluntly, i disagree with how much of the discussion around gerard’s gender identity and expression is being conducted.

(again, please stay with me.)

what is it, specifically, that i disagree with? is it the celebration of gerard’s gender nonconformity? is it the possibility they might not identify, partially or wholly, with their gender assigned at birth? is it the joy their gender expression has inspired in many mcr fans?

no. it’s none of those things; not even close. i can’t even put into words how i, a gender nonconforming trans man, felt when gerard wore his cheerleader dress in nashville. it was a special moment and i was so happy to see him happy.

but something that bothers me about the “gender wars” narrative is the idea that anyone who’s not all-in is, if not an outright transphobe, someone with deep-rooted biases they need to work through. i haven’t seen this from everyone, but it’s floated around here and there.

nuance in conversations like this is incredibly important. the human experience is rarely black and white. and i believe the notion that it must be, especially when it comes to topics such as queer identity, largely stems from closed-mindedness and fear, conscious or unconscious.

i have certainly witnessed people online assert that gerard must be cis, and there’s no way he can’t be cis, implying if he ever identified as anything other than cis that would be bad and gross and weird. i strongly disagree with that viewpoint because it’s transphobic and gerard is a real person who none of us know personally who can do whatever the fuck he wants. in the same way, i disagree with the viewpoint that gerard must be trans, and there’s no way he can’t be trans, implying anyone who disagrees is a transphobe who refuses to pay attention. because gerard is a real person who none of us know personally who can do whatever the fuck he wants.

i’m aware gerard has also made comments in the past about his journey with gender identity, the connection he feels to women and femininity, and even his experimentation with drag while he was in college. he’s said he should be referred to with either he/him or they/them pronouns, he’s an earnest supporter of the trans community, and he’s historically rejected the sexist shithead rock-dude stereotype.

i’m not here to downplay any of those things, nor am i trying to invalidate anyone who has taken comfort in or identified with those things. just a couple of points i would like you to think about, though:

some cis people also question their gender identity and/or use multiple sets of pronouns for a multitude of reasons (i’m not saying gerard has to be cis, i’m just giving you an extra viewpoint to chew on);

i’ve personally met plenty of men or male-aligned people who strongly identify with women and femininity. i strongly identify with women and femininity and i’m still 100% a trans man and will throw anyone who tries to tell me otherwise directly into the sun (again, i’m not saying gerard must be a man or male-aligned);

gender nonconformity and transness are complex, nuanced topics. labels can be useful, but they are not a be-all-end-all;

and i’m going to be blunt here—assuming and/or declaring someone is transfem when they haven’t publicly referred to themselves as such, just because they are comfortable discussing their own femininity and sometimes have a feminine presentation and feminine mannerisms, is basically an upgraded form of gender essentialism and completely disregards the existence and experiences of amab cis-passing queer people and gender nonconforming people. i understand it’s a tough pill to swallow, but intent doesn’t always equal impact, and just because someone may not see it that way doesn’t mean that’s not what they’re doing.

even if gerard is transfem, he’s still a real person who has a right to privacy and autonomy, and he never has to publicly label himself if he doesn’t want to. no one is entitled to seek out the details of his identity, but least of all us, a bunch of strangers on the internet who will probably never have a full conversation with him.

not one of us is an “authority” or “expert” on gerard way or my chemical romance. we can learn about the band’s history and public personas or laugh at the funny, quirky parts of their lore or cry when we think about how far they’ve come in the public eye, but what gives us the right to dig into every tiny crevice of gerard’s work and interactions and public existence searching for “clues” as to whether or not he’s trans? what gives us the right to label his gender identity for him—a process that is incredibly personal? i know “parasocial” is basically just another hollow internet buzzword at this point, but let’s not forget the very real consequences that parasocial relationships can certainly have.

do i think it would be fucking awesome if gerard came out as trans tomorrow? absolutely. do i also think it’s fucking awesome that they’re an older gnc person? that so many queer people have discovered and accepted themselves in part because of them? that they now exude joy onstage and bravely dress and act the way they do? one million times yes. and we can celebrate those real, concrete, factual things without tinhatting, overstepping boundaries, or jumping to conclusions. if they were to come out as trans tomorrow, that wouldn’t invalidate any of my arguments or make the behavior i’m critiquing acceptable, because the point isn’t about whether or not gerard is trans, the point is about how some of mcr’s fanbase is treating them.

gerard has uplifted and respected us time and time again without even knowing us as individuals. so i want you to take a moment to sincerely reflect and ask yourself this question: where is our respect for him?

————

alright. i’m glad you’re still here. let’s talk about what can actually be done about this.

i think a lot of this problem boils down to a lack of critical thinking. yes, that’s thrown around a lot as a clapback on this website, but i don’t mean it as an insult. we’re all guilty of not thinking critically, myself included. especially in the age of the internet, it’s impossible to be perfect all the time, when we’re bombarded with information from every angle.

this is why learning about and consistently practicing media literacy is so important. it’s something i’m passionate about because i’ve seen firsthand, time and time again, how it can make or break a person and their worldview, to the point that i spent hours writing about it for my upper-level journalism courses (before i dropped out lol) and worked for two semesters as an editor for a college newspaper.

if these conversations about gerard were happening in private group chats between friends who already know one another, my opinions on the topic itself would still stand, but it wouldn’t be any of my business and i obviously wouldn’t think to write an entire post about it. but everything changes when these discussions are had on a public platform with little regard for nuance.

“misinformation,” or the unintentional spread of false information—not to be confused with disinformation, where the person spreading it knows what they’re saying isn’t true—might not be a totally accurate descriptor for some of what’s going on here, honestly. none of us can prove what gerard is thinking or feeling. but based on what we do know, what he’s publicly and concretely shared with us, i think it’s as close as we can get. a lot of the posts i’ve seen don’t read to me as “hehe funny celebrity headcanon that’s obviously just for fun.” or even “i relate to this person’s art and/or publicized experiences, but i understand i don’t know them and at least some of that is just projection.” rather, they seem to make invasive leaps and use inaccurate vocabulary while simultaneously taking themselves very, very seriously, and that concerns me more than if a random tumblr user was just trolling to start fandom drama or something.

to put things into perspective, this is why every single one of my journalism professors drilled it into my head that you have to get your news from multiple sources. those sources must have differing perspectives and you need to look at every single one with a critical eye, no matter how trustworthy they may seem (listen, i get it’s way more complicated than that and i could go off on a whole other tangent about the glaring problems with mainstream news media in the united states and not in a cringefail right-wing way, but this is an mcr blog, so let’s just focus on the basic principle here).

obviously, i don’t think anyone should engage with transphobes unless it’s for the sake of making stronger counter-arguments, because their beliefs are provably harmful and false. but someone making good-faith criticisms of speculating about a stranger who has not publicly come out as trans and/or non-binary is markedly different. i’m not the only person who’s written something like this, and i encourage everyone to seek out similar posts and think about the points they’re making, even if you don’t agree with every single one of them.

this speculative commentary on gerard’s identity has spread like wildfire and created a polarizing echo chamber, from what i’ve seen. i understand why. but it’s still deeply worrying to me. seeing as this is primarily happening on tumblr, i’m concerned less because i think gerard will ever see or care about these posts (that’s obviously still important, though), and more because of what this says about how people in mcr fanspaces view celebrities they feel strongly about and engage with information they see online at large.

please do research on digital media literacy, and please use reputable sources with authority on journalism and communications to do so. don’t take what you see on social media at face value. don’t trust any one social media user to feed you commentary or shape your viewpoints, and that includes me. read with a critical eye. think about the possible implications and intentions behind the words other people use, big or small, and why those might be there. be aware of your own biases and blindspots. remember that you’ll never be perfect, not even close. and while you’re at it, learn more about the experiences of gnc people, and the experiences of queer people of all different ages, backgrounds, cultures, races, identities, perspectives, lived experiences, etcetera. if you can, engage in diverse irl lgbtq+ spaces. they put things into perspective in a way the internet never will.

but i still use tumblr in 2022, so what do i know?

————

if there’s anything you think i overlooked or misconstrued in this post, tell me! i want this to be a living, breathing conversation, not a monologue. these are important issues and they deserve our time and attention. thank you so much for reading.

[our-aroace-experience]

ok so here's my ace/arospec story

ace:

i learned about being ace

oh i don't know

12 years old maybe

i searched it up after reading about it online

"aroace definition"

it went something like

"being both aromantic and asexual"

i searched up

"aromantic"

"asexual"

at first i thought it was a bit strange

i hadn't learned yet

to distinguish

between romantic attraction and sexual attraction

because i didn't know

people actually wanted sex

people actually saw someone and went

"wow"

"i want to fuck them"

i had a crush on a childhood friend of mine

at the time

(a guy. i am a girl.)

i'd always assumed i was cishet

grew up in a conservative christian household

slightly offtopic but honestly my parents were great

not stereotypical conservative christians

both allies

they had friends who were trans and gay

i'd checked out queer media from the library

and they were fine with it

anyway

back to the story

so since i had a crush on the opposite gender

i assumed ofc

i was cishet

well ofc i wasn't into sex, i was just a kid

but at age 13

almost 14

i was alone

in a hotel room, no parents, on instagram

that's the only time i could get that

late night phone time

when i didn't have parents around

i found @i.put.the.ace.in.disgrace on instagram

scrolled through every fucking post

on their account

and on the #asexual tag

i related to those posts

like

a lot

a suspicious amount for someone supposedly allo

even though i was just a kid

yeah maybe i'd grow into it

maybe i'd feel attraction one day

but not now

and who the hell was going to tell me

what i could or couldn't identify as

so i tried out the ace label

spent hours and hours

wondering if it was right

if i was really ace

if i wasn't too young

but going back to being allo felt wrong

so i decided to keep the label

the first person i came out to

was an online friend

they were so amazing and supportive of it

i love them so much for that

they said i'd been on their gaydar for a while

(a message i still think about

when wondering if i'm really ace)

felt sick the next day

i'd always been an ally

supported my queer friends

arospec aspec trans homosexual i supported them all

but it made me sick

to think about me

myself

being queer

it was sort of rough

but i got through it

later

came out to my friend and her mom

they were cool about it

i knew i'd be safe

they weren't ecstatic or super happy

but they accepted me

"cool"

that's what they said i remember it

i was a hot mess that day too

stuttered over all my words when trying to come out

and they still accepted me

i love them

later

i decided to hint at my identity to my mom

talked about not liking sex

i checked out a few ace books

from the library

my mom took me aside

i don't remember her exact words

it went something like

"it's natural to be curious

but you can't be ace at 14

you're not trying to be

are you?"

ofc

i managed to convince her i was allo

had to be more careful then

arospec:

i'd only had one crush.

one crush who i'd liked as a friend first.

you see where this is going, don't you?

well

i didn't

i'd heard that aces had not very many crushes

so i assumed i was just Really Really Asexual

and i couldn't be aro hahahaha

i'd been in love before!

aros cannot be in love!

oh by golly i was wrong

i started questioning

(only one crush?

my friends are all over their crushes

plural

and i've only had one??

maybe i'm not as allo as i thought)

i debated over gray-aro and demi-aro

picked demi

it described my experience more accurately

came out to aforementioned friend

then aforementioned online friend

they were chill about it

(fucking love them)

then i 3d printed a black ring

and a white ring

ace

and aro

and this is maybe the best part of the whole experience

i had friends who were stereotypical conservative christian

queerphobic

they complimented my aro and ace rings

and so did my mom

and that made me really happy for some reason

shit that was a long ask im sorry

thank you for sharing! i hope your mum comes around to you being aroace one day

also side note: this reads like a poem it’s so well written!

[zenaidamacrouras1]

hi i have another question about hot neighbor. rose seems to be written as black biracial and everyone else seems to be written as white. i was curious about this choice for her! i think weirdly as a black reader it made me think a lot about what her life would be like if her black parent was around, since being black in an all white space/family can be isolating. (there is no call out incoming i swear, i was just curious! i love the story!)

I'm so glad you asked! Yes I did intend for Rosie to be multiracial, and yes I did kind of drop the ball on filling out her world with characters that look like her.

So this post got bonkers long because it made me think of a lot of things. I realize this maybe looks like I am feeling defensive, but actually I just really enjoyed talking about this. I know I am not a perfect author, but thinking about useful things makes me hopefully less imperfect. Sorry that 90% of this is irrelevant to your actual question.

More below the more.

So this fic is weird because it has a small core cast, and yes all of them are white but Rosie!

Then it has this big cast of barely there neighbors - who are very very background in the fic, but I think all of them that speak are people of color except Eloise/Elsie/ukulele lady/cookies lady (this is one person).

So though the fic didn't address it (that's on me) I imagined Mrs. Rodiguez as Afro-Cuban and the jaded teens are Black. Exercise Grandpa is Chinese. I actually had a scene with Santiago and Mrs. Rodriguez arguing about Mexican vs. Cuban pronunciation which I cut despite spending hours on it, it felt distracting. So poor Santiago never got a speaking gig.

Side note!

I have some basic diversity things I try and do in all my multi-chapter fics. I try to make them all pass the Bechdel test for women (two named women talk and not about a man) as well as for race (two named people of color talk to each other not about race). I don't think they all pass both tests, for the record, esp my earlier ones.

I also like to always have an Ace/Aro character as well as a trans character, someone that uses them/them pronouns and I like to have a character whose first language isn't English. These are, to be clear, incredibly low bars for representation.

All this is partly because I value diversity and partly because that's what real life looks like for me, but since I write about two white men, based on the MCU which has a LOT OF WHITE MEN, I will miss things if I don't have a mental list.

Also for fun almost all of my fics include a reference to Bucky resembling a mermaid and a Lord of Rings reference.

Okay that's just random author notes. I do love to think about and talk about these things. I don't think this makes me a good person or anything magical. Just sharing this cause as an author this is interesting to me so maybe it is to others.

So! Your actual question :)

I had initially had Rosie as mixed race cause, honestly, statistics. The fic is set in Brooklyn. It's a diverse place. It's super likely that Steve would have a hook up with a guy with textured hair and brown skin, and since his whole genetic code is submissive as hell, his kid is gonna have curls and melanin. I actually pictured the mystery dad as Latino, but like many mixed race kids, people are gonna see Rosie as Black. And I am fine with whatever read on the mystery dad because I left it very vague.

I never saw her other dad as in the picture. It's just not what Steve wanted at that time. One reader asked if her dad was Sam Wilson and in my head Sam and Steve were college besties but Sam moved to DC. But again I don't care if someone wants to imagine that!

One of the reasons this fic got put on the back burner for a year was because I was gonna be way more thoughtful about Rosie's race. I was going to bring in Uncle Sam and Grandma Wilson and maybe swap out Wanda for a non-white character, and Steve and Bucky were going to have a few conversations about it.

And then, and this is real, I simply did not, my friend. I ran out of spoons.

I had Sarah Rogers as dead and Mrs. Darlene Wilson had some of that Grandma role. When I resurrected Sarah, which I think was very good for the story, sorry Mrs. Wilson, Grandma Wilson got cut. 😭

At this point I suppose I could have made Rosie have a white mystery dad but again. It's Brooklyn. Just. Statistics. And I already had a picture of her in my mind and I loved her precious little curls too much.

I imagined a lot of conversations happening off screen more or less. I imagined the Jaded Teens giving Steve shit because he doesn't know how to style Rosie's hair at first. I imagined Mrs. Wilson inviting them over for holidays when Sam is in town and Steve is the only white person there.

I imagined Rosie getting beaded braids for her first day of kindergarten (per the recommendation of the Jaded Teens) and Ruby being jealous as hell that she can't get beads because her hair doesn't have enough texture and also appropriation Ruby.

I also think we can trust Steve to 1. Fuck things up, bless his disaster heart and 2. Absolutely try his best to be thoughtful about raising a biracial kid and in the end do more things good than not. My confidence that Steve was doing a great job off screen made me lazy about what I ended up including.

In sum: I also thought a lot about Rosie's race and the importance of her having strong Black and Latino role models and then did not work any into her immediate family. Which is of course a real dynamic of many kids in the world, as you note! But we can expect Steve to want to do better for his daughter.

It is, of course, my own privilege and perspective as a white person that influences my author choices. No, not everything is ever going to fit. Something will always need to go.

It's a legit thing to notice and feel some tension about that for this fic, because it's definitely the case that a more nuanced approach to race was one of the things I let slide to the cutting room floor. It wasn't malicious at the time but I did actually notice later and feel regret, but not enough to re-work the story.

In retrospect, I managed to fit in Bucky fixing not just a microwave, but also a dishwasher! Clearly I could have worked in more discussion of race somewhere. 🫠🥴🙃 Not that I would cut either appliance scene. They are very dear to me. In large part because of my cultural bias!

Also it sucks extra because I hear people noting that it is not always easy or comfortable to be a person of color in such a white fandom, so I am sorry for this fic adding to that cognitive dissonance.

So thanks for asking! Sorry for all the extra crap I wrote that wasn't actually answering your question! I appreciate you taking the time to mention it!

❤️🧡💚💙💜

[nectar-cellar]

what was your inspiration to create your main oc?

thank you for sending me this ask @drawing-way-outside-the-lines @tau1tvec 💞💞

i wrote a really long response below i won’t blame you if you can’t read the whole thing lmfao 😭 but i had fun thinking about my ocs and writing it!

i made amir way back in april 2020 (3 years ago!!!!). his appearance was at first loosely based on some attractive guy i saw on instagram, then i kept tweaking and refining his features based on a handful of other face claims until he took on a more unique look of his own. i always wanted to keep the strong straight brows, deep-set tired eyes, and sharp pointy nose, those are his defining features to me.

personality-wise, at first i did not have one in mind for him. i just thought he should be a serious, intense kind of guy, to match his appearance. he reminded me of some of the male protagonists in YA novels i read, so that was what i associated him with: a guy who would have to go on a journey of some sort.

the more pics i took of him, the more he kind of reminded me of someone i knew, and i thought some aspects of that person’s personality would really fit this character. actually, a handful of people i’ve known/met. so there’s definitely a real-life influence there. a lot of my ocs have borrowed character traits from people i know/knew irl - is that weird? i feel like it’s the easiest to imagine an oc with certain traits/behaviours when i can draw from real observations, feelings, relationships etc. it makes them more “real” and personal to me.

i wanted a character who would struggle with himself, who was flawed, but who would still strive to do the right thing as best as he could. he had to be a good person, at heart.

i also thought it’d be interesting to see how a masculine character from a strict and traditionalist background would struggle with accepting his own queer identity, and with dating another person who was visibly queer in a small town where they’d both stick out like sore thumbs. 

which brings me to dani (she/they), birth name daniel. at first, when i made dani, i just had the idea to create a sad, lonely and dejected young person who lived in sunset valley, who hated the seemingly idyllic and sunny suburban town, who wanted more than anything to leave and never look back. i can definitely imagine sunset valley to be a strongly conservative, traditional white-picket-fence kind of neighbourhood and i felt like it could be the kind of oppressive place a queer and closeted person would hate. that was where i got the idea that dani was a trans person who could not be out (yet) for the sake of their own safety and survival (in their story, not in these studio pics). the shortening of the name is one small way she tries to take back some sort of control over her self-expression and identity. i think dani’s background is a pretty familiar story for a lot of queer people and it was inspired by a lot of coming out stories i’ve read. as for dani’s face claim, i’ve tweaked their face so many times that i can’t even remember if i had one to begin with...

i thought that amir and dani would actually make an interesting couple because they have a lot in common: they’re both introverts, outsiders to sunset valley, in the middle of their journey of self-discovery, lonely, and 2 hopeless romantics yearning to be seen and accepted and loved.

so yeah that was my inspiration behind creating them and making them a couple. this idea of two people who find each other by chance and they just get each other and they can hardly believe it and they think they’re meant to be forever.

[calmasyoghurt]

The joker out pride project.

I don't remember if I said this on here yesterday but we're in the close future, 2025-26 ish. Also on ao3.

June 29th, prompt 25. Coming out to the world.

[Instagram post. Image description, picture 1: a close up of Kris, wearing a white t-shirt with two pins fastened to it, one with a trans flag and one with a bi flag. In the background a pride parade is visible. Picture 2: full body picture of Kris and Bojan walking in a pride parade. One of Kris' arms is wrapped around Bojan's shoulder.]

krisgusti When I was 14, I found out what the word transgender ment. I spent a long time thinking about the meaning of it, and after a while I realised it described the feelings I had felt since I was a toddler. It described me. I was lucky when I told my closest friends and family, they all accepted me. I started wearing clothes that made me look like the boy I had always felt like. At 16, I got to start taking testosterone, and it made me look like the man I had always wanted to be. Now it's only right for you to know my story. I'm transgender. I'm also bisexual. I have been so lucky to be supported by my friends and family. I have been so lucky to fall in love with someone who supports me. Thank you all. Hvala oče. Dank je wel mam. Хвала Бојане.

[Instagram post. Image description, picture 1: Full body image of Bojan walking in a pride parade, smiling widely. Picture 2: full body picture of Kris and Bojan walking in a pride parade. One of Kris' arms is wrapped around Bojan's shoulder.]

bojan_cvjetićanin I'm one of those people who tend to fall a bit in love with my best friends. When I was 14 and had my first crush, it was on my best friend. He kissed me once at a new year's party and it started my gay awakening. Over a decade later, it's something we laugh about sometimes.

The second crush I had was on another one of my best friends. I tried not to, but fell in love with him. Luckily he fell in love with me too. Today we walked our first pride parade together. I love you my dear Krisko.

[Instagram post. Image description, picture 1: Jure, running towards the camera, with a small ace flag in one hand and a small pan flag in the other. Picture 2: a selfie taken by Mark, in which Jure is hugging him from behind and kissing his cheek.]

juremacek Too much love for one gender, not enough sexual attraction for any gender. Just the right amount of knowledge about film and photo to know what my boyfriend is talking about all the time.

[Instagram post. Image description, picture 1: Jan in a pride parade, throwing a peace sign showing of his glittery nails. Picture 2: a close up of two hands holding each other . One of the hands has glittery nails. On the other person's arm, the end of a tattoo sleeve is visible.]

janpeteh When I was a kid I thought I’d marry a nice girl to have kids with. Then I got a crush on my best friend and realised I was more likely to marry a nice boy. I'm allowed to marry boys now, and has found one I'm willing to do it with.

[Instagram post. Image description, picture 1: Nace smiling wide while waiving a rainbow flag in a pride parade. Picture 2: a close up of two hands holding. One of the hands has glittery nails. On the other person's arm, the end of a tattoo sleeve is visible.]

nace_jordan As a teenager I thought that if I dated enough girls, I wouldn't be gay anymore. I dated a lot of girls but it didn't work. So I took a break from dating. It took over a year before I even dared to think about dating a guy, and another few months before I acctually did it. That first time I was so scared of what others might think and didn't tell anyone. But I'm not scared this time. This time, with this guy, I want the whole world to know that we're in love. 

[adhbabey]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility!!!

[plaintext: Happy trans day of visibility!!!]

I suppose I'll talk about my gender here, being a part of the white stripe on the trans flag. And why I don't really like calling myself trans, but I feel like this is an important story to share.

I'm nonbinary, but I didn't first feel that way, and as a kid, I thought I was cis. I questioned my gender like others, and said I didn't mind being a boy, I even made several male versions of myself just for fun. I felt like they wouldn't mind being a girl either. And that just continued until I reached my twenties, and had left for college.

I never felt dysphoric in the same way other people do. And I never felt like I can align myself with "human" gender. That those binaries just don't apply to me, because I don't really seem to fit into how humans socially define their gender. I confessed to my trans sibling that "my gender is vampire", or "my gender is a cat". Maybe I should have realized other things sooner.

So when I found out that I had a system in early 2019, due to issues I had in college, and deeply relating to a DID youtuber discussing systemhood, it kind of made sense to me that I didn't align with gender in the way that normal people do. That I didn't mind being a guy sometimes, even though the "me" that I am, enjoys presenting femininely. I wasn't one person anymore. I was always a system. And I had people of many different genders and identities within me.

I decided the best gender for everyone to collectively identify with, was nonbinary. I am nonbinary.

The philosophies that I don't fit into normal human binary was there, and the idea that I was okay with being more than one gender was proven to be true. And I wasn't just nonbinary, I was systemfluid* and multigender**.

*systemfluid means that my gender and identity changes depending on whose fronting. **multigender means that I'm multiple genders at once, depending on whatever I'm currently identifying as, but also if multiple parts of me are here at once.

And there's some things that feel like gender but aren't gender, just diverse identity from what is the norm. So that feels like gender, but isn't. Some people refer to it as otherkin, I refer to it as "supernatural", but I fall under the identity of non-human as well. I'm nonhuman because of my system and also my spiritual beliefs. Of course I'm not a cis human woman, I'm not even a human. I don't feel that way at all.

But it also should have made sense to me long ago that I'm autistic between all of this. I mean, heck, despite everything, I don't feel normal because I don't have a normal brain to begin with. I feel like other autistic trans and nonbinary people can relate. It's just funny how things like that work out.

However, I've never felt fully comfortable with the trans label. I know I'm supposed to accept it just like other nonbinary trans people do, but I feel ashamed that I don't have the same exact experiences as many trans people. I don't want to transition, I like that I have long hair and a high pitched voice. Even if I want to change my body, some ways are just impossible. I can't make my eyes glow gold, or have my fangs come out, I can't have floating bat wings, I can't have forever pointed ears. I've just accepted my body will never look like the way it's supposed to be. I don't even experience dysphoria the same way other trans people do. I have plenty of body dysmorphia and otherwise, but unless a male alter is fronting, my body is just acceptable to have. Even if I were to have dysphoria for my gender, it would be partial anyway.

I just don't feel like I align with most definitions of gender identity and it's crazy that I exist at all. But my story deserves to be here too. So happy trans day of visibility, and an extra happy trans day to trans and nonbinary people like me. <333

[irkimatsu]

physical or emotional characteristics you would like in a human husk

Sorry for sitting on this for a bit! I'll admit, part of me was being autistic and overthinking this. Is this about what I'm personally attracted to in Husk, or what I think would be best for his story in canon? Is this about what he was like before he died, or what he'd be like if he could be human again after everything that's happened to him in hell?

I'm going with "how I see him as a human on Earth before death, and who I thought he was regardless of my own personal attractions and biases". (Well, a little bit of my own biases. No such thing as unbiased fiction. But accuracy is my priority on this one.)

First and foremost - human Husk is black. I will die on that hill until canon tells me otherwise. There could be other pieces of heritage in there somewhere - I don't think I'm qualified to speculate on that too hard - but as far as skin tone goes, he's black. I also like when art gives him dreads, it just looks right, though I'm not as much of a stickler on that matter. Gotta have some scruffy facial hair, though, I demand that much.

As for why... is it all the good fanart that made other options look wrong in comparison? Is it because he's voiced by Keith David and I just can't imagine a white guy sounding like Keith David? Those are definitely pieces of it. I know it's not canon and I'm not out here attacking people who lean otherwise on Husk's race, but as for me, he's black, end of discussion. On the shorter end of the average as far as male heights go, but he's not noticeably short in isolation. Definitely taller than my short and stout self. Weight probably fluctuates depending on his situation - his finances as a gambler would be all over the place, and so would his diet, varying between lavish meals in overpriced steakhouses, and dinners at home consisting primarily of cheese puffs and bottom-shelf beer. I do like him with a gut, though. Maybe he's just naturally predisposed to having a gut, even when he's starving. (Told you there'd be some bias.)

I'd definitely want to put decent thought about what it was like for him as a black man growing up in early 20th century Las Vegas, but without being 110% certain that anything I'm saying makes any fucking sense, I'm biting my tongue on that one. Definitely a topic I'm interested in, though.

I should also probably mention that yes, I know it's a common headcanon for Husk to be a trans man. It's interesting! I have no actual reason for not writing it myself. Not sure what to do with it, I guess? If it was canon I'd of course pay more attention to that aspect, but for now, whoops. You guys have fun, obviously! Just like with the popular ship, if anyone ever took "Irk doesn't write this thing" as "Irk thinks that thing is bad" I'd cry, don't do that

I like the name Oscar for him while alive. Saw it in a post on here once and it just felt right. Thank you, random Tumblr user I forgot who you are whoops again! Until canon tells me otherwise, he's Oscar in my heart.

I think his dress style while alive would match a similar trajectory to his Overlord-to-servant transition - a snappy dresser when he can afford it, would never be caught dead looking the least bit disheveled. Button-up shirts, freshly ironed suits, the finest colognes! But after he's a washed up divorced drunk, who gives a shit. His clothes are a lot more tattered now... but honestly, living in a place like Vegas where half the population are various flavors of downtrodden, washed-up addict, he doesn't stand out. At least he has that going for him.

Personality-wise, I think as a child and a young man, he was a big dreamer, even a bit of an attention whore. He's wanted to be a performer for as long as he can remember, ever since he started seeing magic shows and jazz bands as a kid. He may still be introverted in the sense that putting on a show is exhausting and he needs his space, but when he's in the right frame of mind, the stage is where he belongs. He worked so, so fucking hard to be a performer! He really could have been something if Vegas didn't chew him up and barf him out...

That dreamer attitude also made him a serious romantic when he was younger. If you accept a date from that man, he will spoil you. Flowers, fancy dinner (if he can afford it), a personal serenade... he doesn't fall into actual honest-to-god love very often, but when he does, he falls hard and puts everything he has into showing the person he loves that he cares. He does lean toward monetary gifts = affection, though... please, Husk, sometimes your partner really would be happiest with a hug and a song. But he doesn't see it that way, he has to keep gambling to be able to afford the lavish lifestyle his lover deserves. Fucking Vegas.

As an older man on Earth, after a turbulent divorce and decades of addiction and depression, he's a lot like the version of himself in the hotel. Doesn't give a shit about much besides where he's going to get his next drink. He does miss his dreams and wonder what could have been if he didn't screw it all up... but there's no point thinking about wasted opportunity. It just hurts. Drink it away instead. He spends his last few years alone, gambling and drinking and just waiting to finally fucking die.

Death was supposed to be a second chance for him, you know? He could pick himself, become someone again! Too bad for him that "someone" was once again a gambler, and that addiction is always going to catch up with him...

This is a rambling mess. I apologize! I just hope I answered the question correctly! Sorry if I messed it up!

[doll-elvis]

What does Reeca Smith look like? I tried looking up photos but nothing seems to come up..

I got a few asks about Reeca Smith so I thought I would combine them here <3, thank you guys for the questions !!

As for the first ask: sorry some of these are aren’t the best quality 😩 but all these pictures of Reeca in 1974 were taken from the documentary “Elvis: Heartbreaker” also called “Elvis’ Women” or “Loving Elvis” depending on the country where you are streaming it

Reeca is on the right in this group photo

And this is Reeca pictured with the Trans Am that Elvis purchased for her ⬇️

If you’re in the North America and unable to watch the documentary, here is a tutorial that I posted awhile back, it still works and I use this method myself !! ⬇️

Second ask: As for any intimacy, this is all that Reeca has said on the subject ⬇️

Since she didn't mention kissing or any other form of intimacy in her most recent interview, I'm assuming it wasn't something that played a major role in their relationship. She has stated that Elvis and her would mostly just talk, and that he especially enjoyed just reading the Bible to her. I think Reeca’s dynamic with Elvis was exactly the same as girls like Heidi, Frances, Gloria and Arlene. All of those girls have only ever talked about Elvis in high regards, and I think that really does speak volumes

However, although these girls don’t see themselves as victims, and while I do truly believe that Elvis never took advantage of them, it still doesn’t justify the kissing. Like you said this is obviously a very hard pill to swallow for any Elvis fan but it personally helps me to try to understand Elvis’ intentions and his mindset when he involved himself with those girls. And so when they all say that it was very innocent, I believe them, and I can honestly say without a doubt, that I think Elvis had good/pure intentions and that the situation wasn’t as black and white as some people try to make it seem

As for the third ask: In terms of Reeca overstating her importance, that very well could be possible, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, Elvis invited a lot of people on tour 😩 and they weren’t always girls that he was dating, for example Jeanne Lemay Dumas who was Linda’s friend and the Alden sisters (Ginger’s family)

If she was invited by Elvis like she says, that doesn‘t mean that Reeca would have been his main girl or anything like that on the tour, it’s likely that he still would have had either Sheila or Linda with him as his girlfriend. Also Reeca was good friends with Ricky Stanley who accompanied Elvis on tours, so that could have been another factor

Infact the very first day that Reeca hanged out with Elvis, Linda, Ricky and David Stanley accompanied them. And in that amazon documentary Linda acknowledged Reeca and also referred to her as one of Elvis’ “dalliances”, so she was at least aware of Reeca’s friendship/relationship with Elvis

** also I saw you mentioned Elvis possibly dating Maggie Smith and I got another ask about her that I am currently researching for (desperately trying to find a copy of this book written about her 😩) and so hopefully I will have more info on her by then

quote from Maggie (Magnolia) Smith 💗

but just from the little research I have done so far, it’s looking like it’s unlikely that they ever dated. Maggie Smith herself hasn’t said that she dated him, Marty Lacker said she was someone Elvis felt sorry for and therefore given a job, and Nurse Tish and Mary Jenkins also only referred to her as one of the maids/employees. Only Nancy Rooks has said that she dated Elvis so I’m still trying to figure out who is telling the truth 😭 like why would Nancy just make that up?

As for Elvis possibly wanting to pursue a serious relationship with Reeca, I don’t think he meant to do so until she was much older

Reeca said this about Elvis wanting a possible future with her ➡️ “He said ‘I know you’re are young but when you’re older, maybe in a couple years, maybe we can go places and have more of a relationship’”

I don’t believe their relationship ever became “serious”, especially since Reeca has never said that they formally dated. He only saw her September and November of 1974, and then for the last time in January of 1975. He was probably preoccupied with Sheila Ryan, Linda Thompson and Ann Pennington etc etc 🤧

I hope this helps anyone who wanted to know more about Reeca, I would love to hear what you guys think, or if you have any info yourself on Reeca or Maggie that you want to share 💗!!

[mazyb0i]

I need advice or help or just some words of encouragement or analysis from other LGBT people please. 💙💚

Tldr; You have to read to understand because it's complicated

Hi guys! You may or may not know me as the super Rick & Morty / Solar Opposites obsessed fan artist but there's more to me than I let on.

I came here because I trust you guys and I wanna know what you all think. I'm Transgender, I identify as demiboy meaning that I'm half non-binary/Agender and half Trans Masculine. This March I turned 18 years old and my doctor gave me my HRT paperwork to look over and bring in signed when I'm ready. I've talked to my therapist about this for over a year, and I questioned my gender identity since I was 12, when I was 6 I never really thought about gender a lot to be honest I did everything under the sun that girls AND boys had done.

Other things to take into consideration is that I'm also diagnosed:

AuDHD (since 16)

Sever Generalized Anxiety Disorder (since 12)

Gender dysphoria (since 16)

Depressive Disorder (since 12).

I've been really adamant about transition since I realized who I was, around 13, it was a long and painstaking journey; full of loss and gain, disorder and chaos, pain and growth, but I made it through to the other side.

Now that I hold these papers in my hands, I'm scared to go through with it, what if I don't like some of the changes? What if people don't see me as who I am? What if I'm not accepted? What if my bullying gets worse? What if I wake up one day and realize all of this was a mistake and I was wrong? Even though it felt so right. I have a lot of dysphoria but I also don't always hate my body, because a lot of the time I see myself as genderless and it only becomes apparent to me that I'm not genderless when someone points it out and calls me "girly", "sissy", "missy", "ma'am", and the such...

Around trans people I feel like I belong, but sometimes I feel like I'm an imposter, what if my brain came up with all of this as a way to try and find a place to fit in because I fit nowhere? I know I'm Pan-demisexual, when I figured that out I never questioned it again. I feel like I roll with the LGBT people but I just feel so much comfort in the trans community.

I don't think I could live happily as a cis-woman. I hate the labels, I hate the pronouns, and if someone were to strip away my skin and all that was left was a white orb I'd say I was a nonbinary male person. I wish I was born the other way, things would have been so much easier, but at the same time I don't want to be a fully cis male if given the chance. I wish there was an in-between option, a lot of times growing up - I had hoped that I was born intersex; hell, I didn't really even know what intersex was, but I still wished it, I wanted it. I wanted to be the third and most rare option because that is who I felt I was. There's this gut-wrenching feeling that I get when I think about having to sign '• female/Woman' on a piece of paper. Because that isn't who I feel I am. But I also feel that what I am is an immovable and unreachable object that no one will ever be able to conceive or understand, and there's no way that I can reflect my understanding on to them.

I'm not going to go in at a very high dose, I know for sure I want top surgery even if my chest doesn't give me as much dysphoria as it did before my breast reduction, and I want to be happier in my skin. I want a deeper voice, I want the other changes that come with it and the only thing I really worry about is not actually being happy when it's all done and through. Not actually being what I am and looking as I am to others as I feel inside...

Anyways that's enough for spilling my guts, I just needed to talk to someone and I'm completely open with all ears if you guys want to share any input in or share any stories, regards, or advice. Honestly I could use people to talk to right now, I feel kind of alone, I feel like no one will understand me; And I don't know if it's just cuz of my autism, or my anxiety,.or if I'm just stuck in my head rn.