stargirlfics · 2 years ago
Text
i really always find myself in the nasty infected leg wound surgeries like why is it always me scrubbing these cases broooo, todays was pretty gnarly like I’m talking skin just falling off, leg all swollen, bleeding like crazy when we cut into into, I was legit collecting giant skin flakes and tissue globs and I’m extremely happy to be home now and finally able to take a shower 🫠 howdy to y’all lmaooo
10 notes · View notes
kmuradesu · 8 months ago
Text
Car baby
DadHusband!SimonRiley x PregnantWife!Reader (afab)
Tumblr media
Summary: A couple days after your due date, your water broke but you persisted to stay at home while you had the opportunity to - even though Simon hated the idea. And because of that, you are now having the baby. On the way to the hospital.
———————
word count: around 1.2k
cw: pregnancy, depictions of intense pain - a little blood, bad language, dangerous driving, car birth.
———————
sorry if they’re spelling mistakes, i didn’t go through it properly properly. kinda lost it at the end, but enjoy !
“Hold on— bloody hell, woman.”
One minute you were trying to rest on the settee with a warm tea in your grasp. And the next, you were hunched over mumbling in pain. The tea had jolted from your hand and split over the carpet.
“..fuuck!” Your voice a sharp groan as his arms quickly found way under your own.
“We should’ve gone to the hospital..” No, he wasn’t scolding you but Simon was a little irritated at the fact your persistence had come to this. In labour in your own home, which wasn’t that ideal.
A wavering whimper left your lips, your fingers curling tightly into his muscle as he gently lifted your pregnant body up.
“Lovie, s’alright just hold onto me. And breathe.”
“Isn’t breathing what I’m doing?!”
“Not exactly, more like whinin’ your guts out.”
The burly man took most of your weight, leading you quickly to the car that sat outside on the drive with duffel bags already stocked for the trip. But it shocked you to think it was all happening now.
Simon didn’t even think to put a towel down before seating you in the car, but everything was going on at a rapid pace he had forgotten.
Once you were sat he did the seatbelt for you before closing the door and rushing to the driver’s side.
“We’ll get to the hospital. All will be fine ‘oney.”
As if he wasn’t shitting his pants right there and then.
Getting in the car, it didn’t take long for you to be pushed back into your seat by an invisible force. It kinda took the breath out of you.
But so was the baby that was literally about to pop out.
“Shit— I know we’re in a rush-” Your voice strained, followed by your brows knitting together. “But slow down!”
Of course Simon didn’t listen. However he did look back and forth at your rounded stomach quite a couple of times. The last thing you would’ve wanted right now was to be caught in an accident.
A harsher surge of pain had swept through your back and lower stomach all the way to the disc of your spine, causing you to choke on a loose sob as your hand took a vice-like grip on Simon’s arm. He cursed something under your moans.
He focused on trying to get there safely, but on a condition that he could cut down on minutes.
As cars swerved out of the way of your oncoming vehicle, which was not going to stop, you held onto him for dear life. Pretty sure there’s bound to be a bruise on his bicep after this.
“Simon, I think I’m bleeding!”
Your cry of words is what snapped 3 quarters of his attention to you. The poor man’s head was on a swivel, returning between both you and the road.
He stuck his hand out and placed it on your bare thigh.
“Hell- is that normal?!”
“I don’t think so!” Your pained moans were swapped with pained cries.
It was making Simon feel sick. Not because you were bleeding, no, but because of the immense pain you were feeling and not being able to do a thing about it apart from reassure you.
A soft hand of yours snaked down below your pants.
Touch.
Take out.
Red. A lot of red.
God the sight could’ve made both you and Simon faint.
“Christ.” A mutter under his cold breath.
He rubbed his toughened hand up and down your thigh, adding pressure as he steered with the other.
“Don’t worry love, we’re pulling over..”
————
Your cries of agony were deafening over the hushed woman’s voice of an ambulance emergency operator. It was almost embarrassing, but fairs to you, a newborn was making itself known.
Simon was on your side out of the car, listening to what the woman was telling him to do.
‘Have you got towels?’
“Uh yes, in the back.”
‘Use those for the baby when it’s out.’
“..alright.”
‘Is this her first?’
“Yes—”
Another one of your screams. But it seemed to have supported her next instruction.
‘When you are pushing honey, you need to push for 6 seconds, then take a 10 second breather okay?’
“..okay.” The word wobbled from your lips.
Simon took your hand and placed another on your bent knee. Props to you, you were doing this without a damn epidural.
There was blood literally everywhere, all down your thighs and hands, even on Simon. But he really couldn’t care less.
Your grip tightened as you pushed, feeling the sharp tense radiate through your core as you felt tension building up.
“..keep pushing love.” Simon grunted uneasily, wincing a little at the deathly grip of your hand interlocked with his. “Fuck that’s hard—”
‘Breathe 10 seconds..’
‘Then push again.’
God, you were pushing and pushing. If only tough Simon could experience this, my, would it be brilliant.
As you pushed you felt the tight head of the baby force itself out, followed by a sense of relief and loose pressure.
“The heads out!..” Simon said in quite excited tone, pulling a wonky confused face from you. But it was nice to see Simon show such enthusiasm.
‘Good. Just keep pushing mama, the baby’ll be out in no time.’
All that was coming out of your mouth was just endless cries of pain and weakened mumbles of suffering. It was making Simon feel ill again.
“..jesus— the shoulders on this thing—ah!”
..‘this thing’ was the baby.
“Just the shoulders.. and the baby will be out. Alright lovie?” He kissed you on the head.
You gave a loose nod, hair sticking to your forehead with sweat, and tears staining your peachy cheeks that were washed away with Simon’s thumb.
He then got towels, as the operator had told him to, ready to catch the baby when it slips out. You couldn’t help but feel a little violated of your space, but the man’s seen it all before sooo.
You pushed, along with the woman’s voice through the phone on the dashboard and Simon’s little but effective encouragement. Christ, the tension was too powerful, were you tearing or something?
But it wasn’t too long, before it felt like you had been emptied from the inside out. The relief.
“It’s out— the baby’s out!” Simon called, a small smile plastered along his face. That was something you almost never saw in a while. Sarcasm by the way.
‘Put it bare on the mother’s chest, pat its back until you hear a cry.’
He did as he was told and used the towel to gently place the baby on the unclothed part of your chest, his brows furrowing a little at the fact that for it to be alive, it needed to cry.
Your shaky hand was a bit late to lightly pat the newborn, Simon was already getting to it, but you felt so weak at the moment it was almost unbearable.
“Breathe baby. Breathe.”
The man whispered.
To you or the baby?
The silence was awfully mute, a high pitched ringing the only thing loud in your ears apart from Simon’s bated breath.
A cry.
The breaths everyone had been holding were blown as the baby announced itself to the three of you. Simon dryly chuckled. You swear you heard the operator chuckle too.
‘Congratulations Mum and Dad. Is it a boy or a girl?’
Simon’s eyes laid softly on you with your newborn, a hand on his child, and the other on your meaty thigh.
“A girl.” He said with a small smirk, kissing you again on the forehead as you looked dazed.
‘How’s the Mum?’ Worn out. Exhausted. Little light-headed. Icky. Nauseated.
“..I’m fine. I think.”
You thought it was better just to act.. okay. Although to Simon, it was obvious that you needed space, and possible to be checked over my doctors. Your bronzed gaze looked down at the pair of lidded eyes on your chest.
‘That’s good. The ambulance is nearly there to take you all to the hospital, for them to take a look at you and the baby.’
A tired sigh left your lips, your eyes heavy as your hand rested on the wailing newborn.
“..you did bloody brilliant.” The man reassured, his hand brushing away sticky strands of hair from your forehead.
Your look returned to him, searching for something in his eyes before he pecked your lips with a small kiss.
Damn. You just had a baby.
1K notes · View notes
crystalelemental · 2 years ago
Text
Unit Teambuilding - Variety Lorelei
I like Lorelei.  She's not a top favorite by any means, but I like her design, and FRLG gave her some added lore that made her really interesting to me.  I, too, love plush dolls.  She just always seemed pretty cool for a Kantonian, pun fully intended.  So when the common grid war decided to take a heaving shit on her, I figured hey.  I guess this is just how life is now.  Lorelei has received depression, and this is probably all she'll ever get.
Here we are like three weeks later and they're already apologizing.  They know they messed up.
General Overview Lorelei and Bruno have a lot of similarities, but function wildly different, and the decision between them may be up to preference.  I’ll try my best to differentiate what they’re good at, but understand a lot of their tools overlap.
Lorelei’s buffing abilities involve X Atk All, and a trainer move that’s +4 Def, +2 crit, and Endurance to all allies.  Right away, you can discern two things.  (1) As a buff unit, Lorelei functions, but is not particularly great at it.  Atk and crit separately means that in three turns, she’s accomplishing what Hop does in two.  The need for MPR on both to cap stats, with trainer move being 1MP, is also wildly painful.  (2) Team-wide Endurance is insane.
Lorelei’s passives are all related to her attack, Icicle Spear.  No Quarter ensures it hits five times.  Recharging Strike 4 is a 50% chance per hit to regain one bar of gauge, while Restoring Strike 2 is a 30% chance to heal herself a bit on each hit.  Grid nodes offer the possibility to debuff speed or defense, at a 20% rate per hit.  Based on this, we can now understand Lorelei’s primary function.
Lorelei is a tank before anything else.  Her grid accommodates this with Vigilance and First Aid 4, which are exceptionally strong tools in tandem with Endurance and Restoring Strike.  Recharing Strike and access to Pep Rally on X Atk All means Lorelei is fairly competent at gauge management as well.  What she struggles with is full buffing, and consistency of secondary effects.  Lorelei can, in theory, debuff defense, but not with any of the certainty that could be expected from CS.  Her buffing is slower, and unreliable to hit cap, so she works best with allies who have at least some self-buffing potential.  And of course, her entire kit skews toward the physical, with exactly no tools of value to special attackers.  Another potential flaw is that Lorelei does not do a great job protecting allies.  +4 Defense and Endurance is nice, but no special defense or ability to heal allies (Initial Syncho Healing is basically worthless) means allies can get worn down, and you’ll want to be aggressive to finish stages fast, or having disruption in play, when facing repeated AoE hits.
EX and Move Level? Support, so the usual 3/5 and EX.  Lorelei can technically accomplish her buffing at 2/5, but she loses debuffing, pop heal, and Vigilance in the trade.  EX isn't strictly necessary, but you know the drill, better defensive stats for tanking and double buff for Gauntlet, etc etc.
Team 1: V!Lorelei, Masked Royal, Nanu A simple CS set.  Masked Royal appreciates a lot of what V!Lorelei can provide in buffs, with crit needing an MPR to cap.  Fleet Feet is ideal in this comp, to help offset more of Royal's buffing phase, letting him get straight to attacking. Nanu debuffs defense well with Screech, maximizing damage, but can also flinch where needed.
Team 2: V!Lorelei, Lodge Silver/Lodge Rosa, Tech Gyarados Lorelei tops off Silver's needed stats nicely, and her own attacking move can provide some really nice utility with the defense debuffs as well, setting up Silver or Rosa's sync
Team 3: V!Lorelei, Elesa, Volkner V!Lorelei's generally best partners are those who don't strictly need the capped crit, handling a little bit themselves.  Elesa is a solid partner, because Lorelei can focus a bit on X Atk All with Pep Rally, rapidly generating speed buffs for Inertia. Volkner supplies the terrain.
Team 4: V!Lorelei, C!Iris, Ghetsis/C!Elesa Iris' trainer move gives her +2 Atk and +1 crit, leaving her wanting a lot of support.  Lorelei's kit is like tailor made for her, with trainer move giving the +2 crit to cap, and X Atk All giving offense and some speed buffs, before she helps break down defense.  Ghetsis can speed up the offenses as needed, or Elesa can speed up debuffing everything ever.
Team 5: V!Lorelei, Gloria, P!Marnie/Tech Magneton Gloria is another like Iris who only needs a bit of help, thanks to her Sharp Entry. Lorelei offers the needed buffs, while Marnie gives Zone or Magneton gives defense debuffs.  One thing I'd like to emphasize is that, thanks to Lorelei's massive defense boosting, you could potentially aim to get the foe to use a physical sync against you, tank it, and then explode with Gloria.
Final Thoughts Lorelei is good, but a bit of a specific generalist, if that statement makes any sense.  I don't feel like she excels at supporting any specific type of unit, she just does a good job broadly within her particular category of "physical strikers."  The biggest hangup she has is really that her trainer move doesn't cap crit, but anything with as little as Sharp Entry handles that just fine.  Those without any ability to buff crit probably don't love her so much, but MPR isn't too difficult to grid.  The real problem is 20% rolls for her defense buffs.  Even with a five-hit combo move, that's living dangerously.  Even a 30% would've felt better.  But, I'm pretty satisfied with her.  The kit feels pretty reasonable.
It's just...think about those team comps, and the strengths and limitations presented.  Does anything stand out to you?  It should.  It really should.  Lorelei's function is Atk/crit buffing.  On separate buttons.  Friends, that is Lodge unit tech.  And given her attack is so inconsistent, it's not like she's some massive threat beyond that either.  You could argue Lodge Blue has better utility with his flinch rate in Stomp.  I need it to be understood that Lorelei here is good, but her primary competition is Hop, you buffs Atk/crit at the same time, and is a free unit.  Limited availability.  This very much could have been a general pool Sygna Suit.  I'm kinda pissed it's not.  Variety scouts kinda suck as a concept, I hate them.
2 notes · View notes
a-shrieking-cloud-of-bats · 2 years ago
Text
perpetually torn between learning to socialize and letting the antisocial rot consume me
honestly a big part of why I come back during social media breaks is that I feel like I’m enjoying being alone too much
like is this actually better for me or am I avoiding learning to speak in favor of hiding from the world again
admittedly in real life I profoundly do not want to talk to most people either so I need to get over that somehow to actually develop social skills because if I am not motivated words burble out of my mouth like water rather then like complete formed sentences
and of course adding to this conundrum is the fact that I live in a midwest suburb which naturally tends to attract a certain type of person that I feel like I cannot talk to about mental illness
additionally a lot of them tend to be very loud which hampers my ability to think which hampers my already paper thin ability to speak
while I’m on the subject of pain in the ass societal shit, living in a conservative midwestern suburb has lead me to putting a significant amount of social worth on being in a relationship and I have been trying to kick that, because I don’t think I can manage a relationship with anyone other then The Ideal which is obviously probably not going to happen around here, but god damn there sure are a lot of insults that essentially boil down to “does not fuck + bad at talking” aren’t there
boy combined with the fact that I’m trying to become more personable that keeps yanking my ass back into also attempting to pursue a relationship that will almost certainly bite me in the ass in a big way doesn’t it
and the thing that gets me the most is that a lot of this shit is still very much present among the far left, probably not like in people that actually know what they’re talking about but clearly it’s bouncing around enough for this sort’ve thing to be present
maybe just a Person Thing but damned if it isn’t super disheartening anyway
3 notes · View notes
laurents-laces · 3 years ago
Text
Notes for Pacat’s December livestream! You can find last month’s summary here.
Important things
No news on the capri News™ except for the usual “soon” (Pacat did the air quotes himself this time 😂)
He’s not allowed to tell us the release date for Fence Volume 5 but if you check amazon you can get a hint
Fence volume 5 picks up where volume 4 left off
We’ll be able to buy the Dark Rise portraits we saw at his Melbourne ComicCon booth sometime in the new year hopefully
Will is taller than James! Pacat just wrote a line in book 2 about that this morning
Fence Comic
Nick and Seiji grow a little closer in volume 5 and Pacat thinks we’ll enjoy it
Neither Nick or Seiji is the crackiest; they achieve their true crack form when they’re together
The comics and the novels being on different timelines is like having a Fence extended universe
Number of planned volumes for fence: He has a number fixed in his mind, but the series is getting renewed one volume at a time. Hopefully they'll get to do the full run if people keep buying the comics
Captive Prince
You probably shouldn’t name a car after Laurent because the car might get imbued with his personality, but if he was a car he’d be a tesla. If Damen was a car he would be an off road car like a pick up truck
Was Laurent jealous of Damen and Nik’s relationship after the scene where Damen wrestles Pallas? “I find it so hard to answer questions that aren't already resolved in the books because I like to just keep things ambiguous, but what I’ll say is that I think you can read into Laurent’s actions there.”
Nik was probably feeling a lot of things at the end of Kings Rising with Damen being injured and Laurent taking the reins
We really only see Auguste through Laurent’s eyes, so of course he’s idealized. Pacat kind of based their dynamic off of a fantasy series called The Fionavar Tapestry by Guy Gavriel Kay. There were two princes in that series; the younger brother and his older brother, the noble one he could never quite live up to. It made Pacat think, how much more could you never live up to your brother if he died, if he would always be that kind of golden, perfect character in your memory that you’re striving towards and never achieving? That’s what sparked the idea for Laurent and Auguste
Process of creating the Okton: The name is okto (eight) because there are 8 targets. Pacat started with a list of requirements of what he wanted for the scene. It needed to be an athletic sport that both Damen and Laurent could excel in, it had to have a life or death element to it, and it couldn’t be sword fighting because that’s overplayed. If it’s going to be something Laurent excels at it should have horse riding, and they did boar hunting in book one so he can throw a spear. How do you make spear throwing and horse riding life or death? Maybe some kind of show riding where you would be weaving in and out of each other and throwing spears. That’s where the idea of the Okton came from
He won’t write capri from Laurent’s POV because some things are best left to the imagination. It's one of those things you think you want but it can never live up to how good it is when it’s left implied. It would be very emotional to write, we’re just asking for a lot of pain
Why is Damianos referred to as Damen even after Laurent knows who he is? Because the books are from Damen’s POV and “Damen” isn’t just a name he was given in Vere, it’s also his small name. In Akielos everyone has an official name and a small name which is only used by the people close to you. That’s part of why it’s so shocking that Kastor tells the handlers that he should be called Damen. He’s taunting Damen with his own name and identity. Damen thinks of himself as Damen, it’s his real name.
Pacat is sure that Erasmus is doing okay because he's very resilient
Pacat changed his writing process over the last year because he needs to write faster now. There’s lots of pressure to get a book out every year in YA because your audience ages out of your demographic so quickly. He used to just write one draft for capri when it was being posted online but Kings Rising was written under a publishing contract so he got to do a full draft first. That was a good thing because book 3 is more complex than book 1 and he needed to see the book as a whole. Now he writes an outline first with a chapter by chapter breakdown and the main pieces of dialogue
Would you rather have a capri tv series or manga: It’s a really hard choice, but a tv series would be brutal because you don’t know what they’re gonna do with it. A manga would be much closer to the books and maybe provide a visual template for an anime
He said yes when asked if there was something he wanted to do with capri that he didn’t get to do but didn’t elaborate on what
Dark Rise
The UK hardcovers and paperbacks will look the same as the US ones
His favourite Dark Rise character to write is a new one from book 2
Writing for book two is going really well and he’s really enjoying it. If you thought book 1 was crazy then book 2 flies off into space; it's really cracky
All of the themes develop more deeply in book 2, romance included
The names Sarcean and Anharion aren’t based on a real language; they come from the made-up language of the Old World. There’s more Old World language in book 2, we’ll learn some actual words
Dark Rise has the same “How could these two ever fall in love with each other?” feel as capri book one. Pacat likes that kind of impossible relationship
Reader reactions that were surprising: He was surprised that there are some readers who really don’t like Katherine. “I feel like with Katherine, my experience writing male characters is that I know, that if you simply changed her gender, like if she was a young guy in the same situation, if she was a young, slightly vain guy who was in an arranged marriage with a really rich man, I think people would’ve really loved him. So I was surprised when they didn’t equally love her. But I guess that’s just a lesson about the different ways that readers will respond to male and female versions of the same person.”
Katherine is not named after Pacat. She’s part of a set of characters in Dark Rise that are named after English kings and queens for a specific reason
Is Violet going to have a gender exploration: “Yeah I’d say she will. Particularly with writing a character in the past, I think exploration is probably a good word. I prefer to show how characters are rather than explaining how they are or labeling how they are, particularly when they’re from an era with different language around that kind of stuff to our own but she does have a relationship to her gender that I think I will be showing in future books.”
A Game of Thrones is a hero's journey where the author took the structure and broke it in one place, which was that he killed the hero halfway through the book. It showed that if you do a subverted hero’s journey, you have to follow the structure exactly and then break it in one place. When you do that the impact is very powerful, but if you break the structure in many places you get a muddy story where it’s not clear what you’re subverting
If you try to wait until the whole trilogy is out before you read Dark Rise you’re going to get spoiled!
Writing Advice
Get rid of all distractions, especially the internet. He used to write at a cafe with no internet access. He doesn’t have a mobile phone and usually puts devices and his internet modem into a time locked safe while he’s writing. Word counts or writing with a friend can help. You’re gonna need active strategies. Your ability to sit down and concentrate will improve over time, so don’t write yourself off if you can’t do it now
Character building advice: Think about the types of characters you respond to in other media. Pacat used to write fanfic before original fiction and was always drawn to the same type of characters, the ones with hyper confidence or with trauma that changes them and makes them superficially stronger. Explore the people you're drawn to and what about them it is that you're responding to. What's a version of that that's even closer to what you like? How do you make it your own? Create dynamics that you find intriguing and think about who would draw out the more interesting things in your characters
Personal
Slow burn is his favourite trope, it's the most delicious part of any story. He’s the kind of person who sees a fic with less than 2500 words on ao3 tagged as slow burn and thinks that it isn’t long enough to be a slow burn
Loves enemies to lovers
He’s never actually read a danmei book because he’s been waiting for the official publications. He has them ordered and they’re being shipped
He has seen Yuri on Ice. He used to do figure skating until he broke his ankle doing a single salchow. Horse riding and figure skating both have reputations as really girly things to do but they are sometimes the most hardcore because you get injured so badly
List of other media he mentioned liking: Webtoons, Killing Stalking, Marvel (fave character is Loki), the Scholomance Series by Naomi Novik, the Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzie Lee, Hikaru no Go (his favourite manga, the first one he read entirely in Japanese), Utena, Berserk golden age arc, RPG story-based games with big epic worlds like Final Fantasy and Dragon Age, DND, the Witcher season 1 (he and his friend had a spreadsheet to keep track of characters and currencies), Attack on Titan, Death Note, Twittering Birds Never Fly, Neil Gaiman’s books, Dorothy Dunnett’s books
328 notes · View notes
kendrixtermina · 3 years ago
Text
How tough are the enneagram types?
#1 Six
They might not feel or look that resilient in day to day life (more like being in a constant state of AAA) but they are built for crisis situations always in a bit of a low key state of fight or flight. That's not so pleasant maybe but they have this ability to snap into crisis mode under pressure. They're very preseverant & when they have a cause that's worth it to them they can endure anything.
When they get out of their own way or are in a healthy place they can actually be the single toughest, most perseverant type. It's not for nothing that their holy idea is strenght.
Probably most war heroes or ppl who did heroic shit in extreme crisis.
#2 One
They just don't know when to quit. They already beat themselves up so much that there's not so much the world can heap on top of that, plus they can have this inner sense of certainty that, while annoying, can make them confident & keep them going forward even if all the world is against them. These peeps will keep up following their ideals even if they get death threats.
Healthier examples get even tougher by learning to chill & not waste time on unimportant trivia. They may look less imposing but actually get chiller.
#3 Eight
Another obvious tough cookie/ good under pressure one. Instead of stopping to lament or complain they will just directly move into action & strategize or bulldoze their way out of any pinch.
However, the toughness is sometimes accomplished by cutting off physical or emotional pain receptors & tuning out/ not feeling their own hurt & then needing yet more action to actually feel alive etc. so this can have a self-destructive quality, leading to overwork, drinking too much, picking fights, tragic badboy appeal etc.
This is one type that may get less tough acting when they get more enlightened because they start to know their limits more, though you could say that dealing with one's gooey center takes a different kind of strenght.
#4 Two
You might not guess it from their friendly emotional outside but these are also among the types with very good crisis responses who seem built for harsh circumstances. Many charity workers, volunteers, hospice workers etc. doing thankless dangerous or taxing jobs.
How do they do it? Probably because they feel they have to be tough to help others.
However what makes them less tough than the first 3 on this list is that they have 1 big achilles heel which is relationship problems. They're the most relationally oriented type so if theyre in a sucky relationship or lose important bonds they can get disoriented or even hopeless.
#5 Three
Very dynamic, adaptable and problem solving oriented, they have a go getter attitude & just do, do, do, & if it doesnt work their reaction is usually to add more effort... Certainly on the tougher side.
However they can outwardly look tougher than they really are, on the inside they might not feel so confident as they act, sometimes they keep so busy precisely to keep their feelings as bay but since theyre a heart type the feels are never that far beneath, which can sometimes show in being thin-skinned, desperate to win or just flat out overworking oneself into burnout/ breakdown.
Deep down they just want headpats and mamas approval.
Of course for healthier examples being more in touch with their feels can provide more of a sense of purpose & they grow more patient.
#6 Nine
Maybe not war hero material, but usually way tougher than they feel they are.
When they get more 'enlightened' they can unlock a lot more energy & even leadership skills.
That said, they are sensitive, have a lot of feelings & can fall into a resigned 'why bother' nihilism, a state in which they are sorta prone to self-sabotage.
But what puts them this far up is that they can be so stubborn & preseverant & keep plowing on even when things are tough & don't seem so hopeful.
#7 Seven
Now we get to the not so tough types.
Ppl might think that 7s are tough & resilient because they act positive & confident but actually that's cause they often feel they can't show bad feelings to others. In truth they're actually very sensitive & can't deal well with pain & hardship, hence why they try to escape it.
Hug a seven today!
Lest we get to down on them tho, it should be said that they can be resourceful, good improvisers & often can just wing it when others wouldn't try. However, a positive attitude isn't always enough to master a situation. & obviously working on themselves can help to get more patient & frustration tolerant & able to postpone gratification.
#8 Four
Let's be honest, no one was expecting these too high on the list, they've already got hangups with action by default so if you add extra difficulties they can easily end up not so functional, they're sort of wired to carry their suffering & fixate on the negative. And maybe wistfully long for a different world/time where performance isn't such a worshipped holy cow.
However, 4s are not without some strengths of their own, which can include self-knowledge, tolerance of & patience for the negative side of things & not wasting energy fighting against their feelings. They got 99 problems but being uncreative, conformist or unaware of their special points isn't one...
On the higher side they can become less chaotic, more sure of themselves & form stronger bonds
#9 Five
Like 7 this one can get mistaken for way tougher than they actually are. Ppl might perceive them as unfazed or calm in a crisis etc. but that's not necessarily what's going on. If 6s are always lowkey in fight or flight mode, 5s have the same relationship with the freeze reaction, so they might look/act more subdued if stressed or uncomfortable.
5w4 in particular can be thrown out of whack for days or weeks after 1 emotionally heated chaotic situation where they felt out of control. Or maybe the w6s just block it out better, which comes with its own difficulties. If this were your life, you'd be tempted to become a hermit, too.
Supposedly if you meditate enough or whatever you can become more confident & a willingess to do what's needed. If any of you find out how how pls let me know
However, just like 4s, 5s do have some unique, less obvious strenghts, such as being able to "trust the process" & their ideas, not immediately abandoning someting when it doesn't work out right away. They're not actionistic & not too swayed by praise, criticism or a lack of responses.
188 notes · View notes
tamelee · 2 years ago
Note
Hi:) saw your art on Twitter it's really breathtaking. Apart from that I also saw you ship a lot for sns and do really support them more than most of the shippers. But here is a opinion I had, you guys believe sauske and naruto should be together as a couple. It's not a wrong thing to be gay as it's 2022 xD. But kisimoto doesn't state they are gay Or sauske love Naruto sexually and vice versa. I mean Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship is based off of Kishimoto and his twin’s relationship. He has a twin brother whom he’s very close to, and who he says he shares pain with - not in a literal sense, but in the sense that if his twin is in pain and he knows this, he also suffers pain emotionally. Naruto and Sasuke’s brotherly bond is written to emulate that. If he wrote Naruto and Sasuke romantically, that would be turning his feelings for his twin into romantic/sexual feelings. I think you can see why he didn’t want to do that, and why he repeatedly underlined that they were brothers.Naruto called Sasuke his brother as far back as Final Valley. He did it again when confronting Itachi before Itachi’s death.
Romance was never on the table.
I am honestly confused how some people equate a brotherly bond into a romantic one. 🥴
It’s important to note that in Kishimoto’s story, a bunch of people tried to sway him from his plans (like doing Narusaku) but overall, he has always stayed on tracked on how he wanted the characters to end.
P.S. I know there is not really LGBTQ+ representation in anime but forming baseless assumptions does not help, especially if the author already conveyed their ideals. :) if author didn't create this universe our childhood would be dead. Arguing with author, well doesn't make sense does it.
Also before people say (but kishi was going to make them before), send me proof of him stating that, I will wait, I have literally searched it up, and I can’t find it.
Anyways, Naruto and hinata are suppose to be together, heck, it was hinted on SINCE THE START, it's a fact.
Ah, either way, they’re straight, its official, Naruto and Sasuke are just, beyond a brotherly bond, Im not saying its gay (of course not) but it is a very tight brotherly bond, even though by blood, they are far from brothers. We can't rewrite the story anyway because it's already been published and ended with hinata with naruto , sauske with sakura.
Either I respect your opinion on the ship and definitely love your work. Hope you are all well mate.
Hey @wingedluminaryfox !
Thankyou! I’m happy to hear you like my art *-* I appreciate it 🙏🏻
It may surprise you, but we agree on a lot of things!
Of course, I can’t talk for everyone so if anyone wants to follow up on this post feel free to do so.
[Long post ahead, read when you have time ✨]
 “It's not a wrong thing to be gay as it's 2022 xD. “
Naturally! Naruto the character exists since 1997 (Sasuke 1999), it wasn’t wrong back then either of course.
"Also before people say (but kishi was going to make them before), send me proof of him stating that, I will wait, I have literally searched it up, and I can’t find it.” 
No one is saying that. Fortunately, with the complete story accessible to everyone with access to the internet, we don’t have to rely on interviews, data-books or non-Canonical novels, movies and filler episodes to base our fundamental conclusion on, which is SNS, wouldn’t that be absolutely silly? 
I assume you read/seen Naruto, right? So, no need to look further! 
(And do yourself a favor.. don’t simply Google things. I’ve been there.)
“But kisimoto doesn't state they are gay Or sauske love Naruto sexually and vice versa."
He didn’t, I agree! At least not to my knowledge, I don’t know him personally. And neither did I (or did I see anyone) say that either. 
Okay just for fun - Imagine this with me, just for a second. 
We have a Mangaka that uses a Visual Medium that primarily relies on components like spacing, lines, shapes, tones, contrast, rhythm, composition etc- to effectively convey things like moods and emotions and with that utilize important relationships within that story structure, agree? 
Naruto is a visual blend that has become one of the most successful manga in the world in which Kishimoto is the director and staff (screenwriter, cinematographer, costume designer, director, art director, actors, props, set pieces, special effects, makeup) all by himself while creating the story (in all its glory) and carefully draws the pages which then go by the extremely meticulous editors from WSJ every week.
And you say that he, Kishimoto, a visual storyteller, has to “state”.. as in express in words, in some interview, how a character feels after the whole story is over, because we didn’t understand? He couldn’t fit it in? There was no time? His favorite pancake shop had a free delivery deal and that took priority?  
Embarrassing. 
If anything, I think we understood it well enough ;)
"I mean Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship is based off of Kishimoto and his twin’s relationship. He has a twin brother whom he’s very close to, and who he says he shares pain with - not in a literal sense, but in the sense that if his twin is in pain and he knows this, he also suffers pain emotionally. Naruto and Sasuke’s brotherly bond is written to emulate that." 
Oh?
You sound like you know him personally. Kishimoto has said a lot of things in interviews, one thing more contradicting than the other. There are a multitude of “interviews” going around, more often than not without sources and yet, even in favor of SNS, I wouldn’t use them in an argument. Especially in later interviews the man seemed to have forgotten what he had said in another- now… why would it be so quiet? 
Interviews are not valid arguments (imo), but I’ll entertain you since I know which interview you’re talking about. 
Funnily enough, when you look for it, mainly SS pages come up seemingly in a very desperate attempt to push the whole “SNS are brothers”-scheme under everyone’s noses. 
Which is even more funny, no? If the strength of faith in their ships were completely rock solid, surely they would have been able to dismiss contrasting information with a pitying smile. Or might not even feel offended at all.
But when I say desperate.. I mean, desperate.. 
Tumblr media
This is just one account and it is full of posts like this that go from “oh they’re brothers, aw, uwu, so cute :3” to very aggressive nonsense that proves these posts are only meant to emphasize on the “brother”-part in the first place. Not caring about Naruto or Sasuke AT ALL. Taking a tiny excerpt from a whole interview and completely milking it as much as possible.
If that is of more importance than intellectual content.. like.. I dunno, for example.. the whole story of Naruto(!?) then that just means, for what it looks like, resentment, anger and hurt pride.. why exactly?
When you can’t even hold a rational discussion anymore, because a contrary view causes you to step on a minefield of emotional responses and you have to preach to 35k+ people that your ship LOVES each other, because “I found a written sentence online so it must be true and you have to believe me✌🏼”.. then what does that imply? 
"I am honestly confused how some people equate a brotherly bond into a romantic one. 🥴”
Yeah no wonder.. man, if this is the kind of shit you’re reading (and I don’t know, but these are the kind of results one gets by “Googling”) then I don’t blame you at all @wingedluminaryfox ! 
Well the interview with Kishimoto was from “Entermix Magazine” 2014. You can read more about it >>HERE<<
If the translations are correct then he didn’t say Naruto and Sasuke have a “brotherly bond”. He said their friendship is modeled after the one he felt with his brother. Which is feeling the pain of the other. And that love/bond feeling and friendship for him is the same. It wasn’t necessarily about his brother. There is a difference in context there. 
Besides, he also has said that he couldn’t “put in words” what their relationship is and how hard that is for him to describe. He dodged that question several times too. But sure, hold on to that, I guess. He’s an artist, creator, author.. surely he would know and surely such questions aren’t needed, but hey, here we are. 
(Also.. “everything doesn’t always go as planned”, aye?) 
"If he wrote Naruto and Sasuke romantically, that would be turning his feelings for his twin into romantic/sexual feelings. I think you can see why he didn’t want to do that- "
Saying that Naruto and Sasuke loving each other romantically is the same as then forcing the idea that the author feels sexually attracted to his twin is comically outrageous. Can you at least, for once, agree with me?   
Which is also why, luckily, there is a very clear and distinctive difference in how Sasuke treats his brother and how he treats Naruto.. or you know, anyone for that matter. 
"and why he repeatedly underlined that they were brothers.Naruto called Sasuke his brother as far back as Final Valley. He did it again when confronting Itachi before Itachi’s death.” 
Now, this is where I’ll disagree with you. Please go back to VotE1 and count the number of times they call each other ‘friend’. (This includes side-notes.) No, I’m serious.
SNS naysayers love to use this here:  
Tumblr media
And are delighted to call this proof of them seeing each other as brothers.. and yet, that’s not at all what is happening. Let’s talk about the context. 
Tumblr media
Sasuke never acknowledges Naruto being his brother or feeling like he is his brother OR his bond with Naruto feeling “brotherly”. (Where do “you guys” (your words) even get this from anyway?)
The only reason Naruto brings it up here is because he was wondering if being with Sasuke was what it would feel like to have a brother, because he obviously felt something. Yet, as they both acknowledge, Naruto never had such bonds, so he wouldn’t know, but Sasuke does since he has/had Itachi. (And grew up with a family.) Therefore he doesn’t answer to that, yet calls Naruto his closest friend.  
“It wasn’t all meaningless. To me you have become my closest friend.”
Note in manga: Important bond
Tumblr media
Naruto questions Sasuke's choice of words. Why? Well, for one, they're fighting and Sasuke is seemingly trying to kill him here, but also hearing Sasuke say this made Naruto even more confused.
Tumblr media
“I have to make sure.. what Sasuke’s talking about.. about me..” (Naruto doing everything he can to try and understand.)
Tumblr media
“How are we friends?”
“I don’t understand.”
“But if..”
“Maybe I thought..”
Naruto in VotE1 is so confused. (Can we blame him?) The whole fight includes Naruto’s confessions about Sasuke, what he initially thought and felt to then: “I aspired to be like you” “I always wanted to be like you” “I was truly glad you acknowledged me” “I wanted to talk to you”. Him saying “when I’m with you I wonder if it’s like being with a brother”, followed up with mutual silence makes a lot of sense if you take everything into consideration and not just copy/paste one panel so you can say: “See? Brothers.” Because that is not what it is. But then again, I’ve read enough pro-canon posts to not be surprised. 
(This includes Naruto wondering whether being with Iruka is what it would feel like to be with a father.) 
((And if you really, REALLY want to be picky and hold on to the little cut taken out of some ‘Kishimoto interview’-theory, then remember these details, because Naruto is a child here. And if there is anything Naruto has done throughout the story then it is doing his best to try and understand. This includes himself.)) 
Anyway, here are posts from wonderful people in our fandom who can explain it way better than I ever could: Here, here, here and here. Bonus: here.
Tumblr media
If I had the time and I wouldn’t scare people away from my blog with it, I would type endlessly about VotE1 & 2 and how insanely accurate the details are when it comes to them ‘growing up’. How they really have gone from A to B physically, but especially mentally. 
In particular, the childish way in which Naruto is arguing with Sasuke in VotE1. Gosh, the people who are complaining about him and how “pushy” he is and that he “doesn’t understand Sasuke” and blablabla.. yes!! That is the point!!! And that is what is so beautiful about it, because it comes from a heart that tries to reach out to Sasuke in order to protect. To protect a bond, to protect someone that is precious to him (as is established in LoW-Arc). Naruto knew what "going to Orochimaru (of all people.. snake.. being(?))" would mean for Sasuke. He was scared for him.
"You might get killed! I can't let you go somewhere like that!"
(NarUtO nEvEr caRed fOr sAsuKe. Stfu.)
Tumblr media
In no other anime or any other medium are two characters this focussed on each other calling each other friend this many times as if we as an audience perhaps would forget or something. (As if.) Neither is Sasuke satisfied with that word, but we’ll let that slide for now.
Yet on one single occasion Naruto felt the need to say: “He’s like a brother to me.” 
Uhm?!
“More of a brother than he ever was to you!”
Ah see, now it makes sense. I mean at this point we’re already aware of Naruto’s personality and his intense care towards Sasuke, no?
Even Itachi himself says so. 
Tumblr media
Itachi isn’t stupid by any means. In fact, if you go back to this scene Kishimoto made sure to draw several panels of him with just a “knowing look”. 
“You just said.. 
“I’m asking what you’d do if your “brother” attacked Konoha.” Now why couldn’t he say something like: “I’m asking what you’d do if Sasuke attacked Konoha?” Itachi is not a petty person. He’s trying to illustrate to himself, but Naruto even, what Sasuke truly means to this blonde dude that fights tooth and nail for his little brother. 
“What is it about my brother that makes you care so much?” 
Itachi keeps questioning Naruto, his intentions are too obvious if you’re willing to look beyond a hetero biased shipping lens. (If only.)
(Also, I personally always found it interesting that Itachi never asked "why are you doing this?", "why are you doing this for Sasuke?" or something similar. Could be that I have wrong translations though (let me know!), but "what is it about my brother" Really?)
Tumblr media
Yeah its all so very hetero.
This is just another case of “he said the word brother so they’re brothers” without taking in the whole scene. Or the whole story for that matter, because in literally any other scene Naruto is screaming, begging and pining over his friend Sasuke. (And the amount of unfinished sentences in this manga are killing me.) 
And boy does it all look so friendly.
"Romance was never on the table."
Undoubtedly Kishimoto wrote a love story even if you don’t see it as ‘romance’ necessarily. If the journey between these two characters is described as anything other than “love”, again, take it how it resonates for you, then that’s quite ignorant. You’ll have to completely ignore the author’s intent and complete substance that essentially is “Naruto”. Why make it so boring for yourself? 
But anyway, yes, it’s Shonen Manga “cool battles between the hero and monsters and they win through the power of friendship!”. At least.. it’s supposed to be. On a surface level. Can we not disrespect the story and Kishimoto like that? Thank you.   
"Anyways, Naruto and hinata are suppose to be together, heck, it was hinted on SINCE THE START, it's a fact."
Didn’t you just say “romance was never on the table?”. A little contradicting, no?
Besides, if I were you I would fact-check those so-called hints. I would LOVE to know more about them since I can’t recall any. If you’re hellbent on defending NH/Hinata though be my guest and stick around. I’ll have a post for that coming soon. Glad you shared with us which hints these are btw, lemme guess: little, sweet Hinata has always been there for Naruto, right? Supported him from the deep, dark shadows of trauma that has become her favorite hiding place: behind a tree. And that earns her the right to become his wife, because that’s all that matters. Who cares how Naruto feels anyway. “Female empowerment!” Yay~ Or just because Hinata is seen in a sketch with a necklace that holds the Uzumaki symbol somehow that should overshadow 699 chapters of story substance, because look. at. that. necklace. Except, everyone with a flak jacket is wearing the Uzumaki symbol and since everyone is Uzumaki family now does that mean Naruto is fucking the whole damn village?
Dunno, for the sake of “NH logic”, I’m just asking.
Yes, pure love.
(Naruto wore the Uchiha symbol on a robe in an illustration though, omgosh!! Foreshadowing!!! ITS A FACT.) :')
"It’s important to note that in Kishimoto’s story, a bunch of people tried to sway him from his plans (like doing Narusaku) but overall, he has always stayed on tracked on how he wanted the characters to end."
And by this you mean “the couples”? But “romance was never on the table”, right? 
Again, do you know him personally? I’m really starting to wonder if you do. I mean, what else could possibly be your source? 
Luckily for you again I have one. In the interview with Jo Otsuki (editor of WSJ) >>here << (btw, this interview is also full of contradictions, so don’t take any of it too seriously) “fans (not stated how many or to what degree) wanted Naruto to end up with Sakura” as did “quite a few of the female staff at Studio Pierrot”. 
This literally says nothing. 
Nothing at all. 
Unless you have a better, more reliable source, like Kishimoto himself, be my guest. 
"forming baseless assumptions does not help, especially if the author already conveyed their ideals. :) if author didn't create this universe our childhood would be dead. Arguing with author, well doesn't make sense does it."
Now you’re just mocking me and I’m not here for it. Especially since you haven’t been specific with anything at all. “Arguing with the author.” Is that what you’re insinuating that I’m doing? How?
By reading his story intently? Falling in love with the characters, the parallels, the work that went into every single detail and picking up on them? Smiling to myself at the insane things Naruto and Sasuke say to each other? Understanding the things I see? The emotions, implications and meaning of what is visualized canonically? 
In fact, I’m quite aware that I’m kissing Kishimoto’s ass more than I should. (Hey, he’s inspiring to me, I’m kissing anyone’s ass who inspires me. Run.) 
Do you even realize what you’re saying? 
No, really. Do you truly understand what it is that you’re accusing me of here? (Except for: “You say they gay.” “I say nay.”)
And that without any evidence at all. Doesn't make sense, does it?
"Ah, either way, they’re straight, its official, Naruto and Sasuke are just, beyond a brotherly bond, Im not saying its gay (of course not) but it is a very tight brotherly bond, even though by blood, they are far from brothers. We can't rewrite the story anyway because it's already been published and ended with hinata with naruto , sauske with sakura."
That's a lengthy way of saying: "NH/SS are canon."
Yes.
So?
The clouds are in the sky, fire is hot, wood is hard, water is wet and you sound homophobic as hell. 
“(Of course not)” OF COURSE. How dare we. It’s like saying: “I’m okay with you thinking they are, but keep it to yourself. I want nothing to do with it.” 
A man who uses his real life experiences and relationships that evoked emotions within himself that he used as an example to express within the characters he cares so deeply about I’ll take any day while certain others willingly pluck out of thin air half-assed after-the-fact “statements” that hold no expressive significance whatsoever to satisfy their skimpy ships. 
In which case, I’ll agree for one last time. What we consider quality within a story or within a development between two characters in order to give it meaning is different from yours. What we prioritize, you might not even reflect upon. 
We simply have different values. 
And that’s okay. 
I hope you’re well too and have a nice day. 
75 notes · View notes
doctorofmagic · 3 years ago
Text
SOOOO about the DSIMOM trailer...
Apologies for not commenting on the MoM trailer earlier, the whole sh*t show broke loose just a few minutes prior to the trailer and I was in a very dark place to even watch it. I only did the next day and then started rewatching it over and over to look for references and cameos and easter eggs.
All I can say is, the leaks are all true if we compare them to the trailer. So I kinda know what to expect from it already?
Comic-wise, there isn’t much to add other than: Stephen sleeping naked (A+ *chef’s kiss*) and having nightmares (which could or could not be related to Nightmare himself), the dino thing is probably a reference to the Savage Land (but I’m not so sure), Shuma-Gorath, Rintrah and the Illuminati. (and well, if the leaks are true, a very special character for the post-credit scene)
Overall, it’s not a movie that will adapt anything from the comic books, that much I can say for sure. In fact, there’s more from What If...? than anything comic-related (if we, of course, ignore the fact that the tv show was inspired by a comic book series).
*sigh* This is the hardest part for me to elaborate because you just know her stans are infamous, so here comes nothing. I’m not comfortable with Wanda’s role AT ALL. Mostly because MCU!Wanda is just... Not what Wanda truly represents in comics. I’m not a Wanda expert but I read a lot about how Bendis’ portrayal of her character in House of M is harmful not only because she’s a WOC but also because that’s a really bad portrayal of mental illness in general. So yes. Most of MCU!Wanda stans are cheering and rooting for her to be this unhinged female villain and... Okay. But that’s not my cup of tea, I’m sorry.
On a side note, basically variants are an established thing in the MCU now. It’s not ~new~ as I once pointed on the Loki post (Kangs, Dooms and Reeds are the most common examples). But it has grown more popular after Loki.
Stephen dealt with his “variants” before, and I quote-unquote because they’re not really variants, they are constructs of artificial realities (such as Counter-Earth). So we will be surprised by his interaction with other variants.
There are 9509836093486034 problematic things behind the scenes and honestly I don’t have the energy nor I want to dissect any of that more than I already did. With that being said, I see that Stephen will end up corrupting himself for magic, and that makes me giggle a little, ngl. It’s an aspect of Stephen that I love. Don’t get me wrong, it’s painful to see him being corrupted, but it’s also part of his whole characterization: going to such lengths in order to save/control everything, abusing magic due to his arrogance AND expericing one of his most important traits - guilt. So yes. I’m 100% looking forward to it.
Oh, yes. The Illuminati. Not the group of men doing stupid things because of their arrogance I ideally would have in mind but hey, there’s Patrick Stewart’s Xavier! And yes, X-men movies are my guilty pleasure from childhood. I’m not going to expect other former FOX characters to appear because I already know the five members of this group. But who knows? People are begging for Reed to appear, and I’d love that because, although Victor is....... not it, the FF are not that bad, all things considered. And I’m dying for a good FF movie so yes. Let me dream a bit.
Am I really happy about the plot? No. Am I mad at the plot? No. Would I rather have Scott Derrickson adapting a movie involving Nightmare and exploring Stephen’s traumas and fears? Yes. But we cannot have it all, can we? Am I hyped? Maybe, my mood is iffy so I’m not a very reliable source atm, and I don’t want to ruin people’s experiences so I dunno, I’m just sharing my thoughts. One thing is true, though. I’ll try and watch it asap. Because I am, for better or worse, a Marvel worm. And I’ll consume anything they throw at me.
Also I need Waldron to stop writing for Marvel, if the rumors that Benedict had to co-direct the movie in order to make it about Stephen are true.
Lastly... I dunno what kind of magic is this but Stephen in this movie is just so HHHHHHHH. It’s a first for me, so it’s a big deal :’)
Aaaand that’s it.
Tumblr media
PS: Mr. Knight, please return my calls. I miss you.
PS²: MK’s moon-shaped cape, I love you.
79 notes · View notes
rose2jam · 3 years ago
Text
Why It Was Practically Inevitable That Severus Snape Would Join A Cult, an essay by Rose Jam
So, let’s talk about Cults. Disclaimer: This is just information I’ve gathered over the years from my personal fascination with religious cults.  I’m in no way an expert or a psychologist or whatever.  This is just my personal understanding from the research I’ve done.
A cult is started when a wildly charismatic Leader feels like they have a purpose, a higher calling, or a mission to be fulfilled (or they could also just be an egomaniac). Maybe they really do feel like what makes them special comes directly from a higher power, be that God, or the Heir of Slytherin, but either way, this person has a pathological need to be worshiped, and they need followers in order to do that.  
So, how does one obtain Followers easily? By finding the misunderstood misfits of society, and promising them something.  The people who feel like no one else understands them, or their ideologies.  But this Leader?  This Leader GETS IT, MAN! The Leader understands them perfectly, vindicates them, and makes them promises along the way.  Like, if they stick with the Leader, then not only will they finally be understood, but they themselves will also be revered.  That they will rise above all of the others who have put them down for so long, and will come out on top as a superior being.  
Any of this sounding familiar?
Charles Manson preyed on young people in the middle of the hippie movement, mostly women, who were feeling lost, lonely, and in need of guidance, or in terms of the men he recruited, seeking power over others.  Not all of these people were poor or helpless; some of them came from middle class, or even rich homes and families.  Yes, some of them came from broken homes, but all of them felt “broken” themselves, in some way. So Manson used their desires to have a family to draw them in.  He then used LSD and other drugs to keep them under his control, and he created a manipulative environment where the members of his “family” felt they could never leave him, and if they didn’t follow his commands, something horrible would happen to them.  I’m not going to go into full detail on the Manson Family Murders, but if you’re personally interested, check out the Podcast “Cults” on Spotify.
So back to basics, this Leader draws in Followers with flowery promises of community, power, family, or whatever.  But once the Leader has that following, the terror will begin.  Cult Leaders are usually master manipulators, and have completely brainwashed their followers into believing the “us vs them” mentality, that the outside world is evil, that the outside world will only harm them, that the outside world would never understand what they’re doing on the inside.  And that the Leader is the only one who knows the truth, so they better stick with him.  Or maybe the Leader has gaslit his followers so completely, that they become dependent on him for everything, to the point where they don’t know how they would possibly function without the Leader.  Or, the Leader has created an environment that’s so hostile, that Followers are too afraid of what might happen to them if they tried to leave, or didn’t do what the Leader commanded.  Typically, it’s a combination of all of the above.  Destructive cults will either hurt others outside of their circle (The Manson Family, Sect of Nacozari), harm themselves (Heaven’s Gate, The Ant Hill Kids), or both (The People’s Temple, Aum Sinrikyo).  
Now that I’ve laid this foundation, I’m going to tell you why it was practically inevitable that Severus Snape would join a cult.
Snape’s childhood ultimately laid the foundation for the mental state he would be in when he decided to join the Death Eaters.  He grew up in an abusive household, where his father, the muggle, had his magical wife so thoroughly whipped, that she couldn’t (or chose not to) use magic to defend herself, or her son (1).  Eileen had obviously told Severus about magic, about Hogwarts, about what a wonderful place it was, and what a wonderful gift magic could be.  Severus also watched as Tobias beat the magic out of her.  (I know it’s debated whether Tobias actually physically abused his family, but he certainly verbally/mentally/emotionally abused them, so the term “beat” could be used figuratively as well).  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that Severus developed an extreme hatred of muggles with “burn the witch” mentalities from a very young age because of this.
Enter Lily, perhaps the only other magical person in his life besides his mother up to this point. He sees her using magic out in the open, perhaps recklessly, for fun, and he sees an opportunity to make a friend (and, admittedly, to be smarter than someone about something for a while). He was so eager to tell her all about magic, because getting to learn magic, and go to Hogwarts, has possibly been the only thing keeping him going in his young life.  And now he’s made a friend, a real friend who doesn’t think he’s weird because he’s magical.  Unlike Petunia, yet another muggle who makes fun of him for being weird (2). And Lily actually seems to like him back.  For a kid who probably hasn’t received a lot of affection in his life, this is monumental.  This friendship is everything.  Why wouldn’t he love her?
So the time finally comes to go to Hogwarts.  Severus gets to escape his abusive household, and finally has an opportunity to embrace magic for the first time in his life.  But almost immediately, he’s met with a hic-up.  Specifically, James Potter and Sirius Black.  So Severus is no longer facing abuse exclusively from muggles who think he’s weird, but now he’s also getting it from other magical people who think he’s weird (3).  And this started on the fucking TRAIN before he even GOT to Hogwarts. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t sour a kids dream right off the fucking bat.  And then, when he finally gets there, he’s separated from his only friend, by being sorted into different houses (4).  What a way for a life-long dream to be thoroughly dashed in less than 24 hours.
Let’s look at Snape’s Hogwarts experience.  He’s a good student, and he pours himself into learning as much magic as possible, and at being the best he can possibly be, probably motivated by a desire to be better than what his Father thinks possible.  During this time, he is regularly bullied and abused by the Marauders. Sometime before his 5th year, the Incident at the Shrieking Shack took place.  It definitely sucks to have been so thoroughly fucking duped, and put into a life-threatening situation involving a goddamn werewolf (5).  But perhaps even worse than that, the salt in the wound, was that no one fucking did anything about it (6).  He saw Sirius and James and Remus get out of that situation without facing any sort of proper punishment (as in, they all still stayed at the school as opposed to being expelled like they DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN (At least Sirius should have been)). Dumbledore was looking out for the Marauders, but no one was looking out for Severus.  On top of that, Severus isn’t allowed to TELL anyone about it, not even Lily.  So, he goes through what was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of his life, and he can’t even tell anyone that it happened.
So, what sort of support system does Severus have during all this?  He has Lily, sure (who literally told him he should be GRATEFUL to James, one of his abusers).  But, what he really has, is Slytherin House (7). I’ll say it plainly: Severus was sorted into a house that was already full of existing cult members.  McGonagall says in Sorcerer’s Stone that “Your house will be like your family” (she at least says it in the movies, I’m too lazy to get up and reference my books rn lol).  So, Severus’ family, his support system, for 10 months out of every year, is a house that is already full to the brim with pureblood elitists with prejudiced ideals, who would absolutely vindicate Severus in his dislike for muggles.  As a kid first getting sorted into the house, it’s obviously not unreasonable to become friends with the people you’re literally living with.  His dorm mates became his family.  So, when his dorm mates started to become Death Eaters… This is headcanon, I fully admit, but like, fuck, Severus didn’t have a lot of friends, and was probably already drifting apart from Lily.  Do you really think he was going to tell the people he had to live with every single day, not to mention the only people that had been supporting him for years, to go fuck themselves for using Dark Magic?  Especially when he was probably feeling like he was on the verge of thinking that their rhetoric made some sense?
On to Snape’s Worst Memory (8).  At this point, he’s spent 5 years in Slytherin House, with fellow students who casually throw around the M word.  He gets attacked by James and Sirius, he’s practically defenseless, and then the girl who he’d considered his closest friend for so long… has to force herself not to smile when he’s thrown upside down and exposed to everyone on the grounds.  Sure, she was trying to defend him at first, but she also fucking nearly smiled at his humiliation, his pain, his abuse.  So he hurls the one word that he knows is going to cut the deepest, that will hopefully hurt her as badly as she has hurt him. And it works.
Severus had been beaten down his entire life.  By Muggles and Magic Folk alike.  And finally, he’s betrayed by Lily, his last lifeline to the light.  He betrayed her as well, of course.  But he did try to show remorse.  And she doesn’t forgive him (9), which was her prerogative, of course.  
So.  Who does he have left?
I’ve placed little (numbers) throughout my writing here.  Each of those numbers denote the specific events that led Severus to becoming an angry young man, who hates muggles, hates (some) magic folk, and resulted in him feeling weak, helpless, and desperate.  For what?  For power, for a family, for a community.  For a world where he is no longer the weird one.  For a world where he’s respected, strong.  For the world he thought he was going to be a part of, when he arrived at Hogwarts in his first year.
And it just so happens that this is the exact world that Voldemort is (allegedly) trying to create.
Severus Snape was angry, and vulnerable, and as such, he was practically the poster child for the type of person who would be susceptible to falling for a cult.  Maybe he was recruited by his friends in Slytherin House.  Maybe he was recruited directly.  Either way, charismatic Tom Riddle came along, understood how he felt, where he was coming from, told him he deserved better, and offered him all of the things he never had in his life.  And being at rock bottom, being the lowest of the low, to Severus it must have seemed like a miracle of an opportunity, or perhaps, like the only chance he had left.
Now, let me be extremely clear; everything I’ve written is not trying to EXCUSE Severus Snape for his actions.  There is always a point where personal responsibility must come into play.  Except for children born into cults or victims of kidnapping, nearly every person who has ever joined a cult has made the personal decision to join it. I’m just trying to express how unbelievably easy it is, for a Cult Leader to find people with damaged lives and low self-worth, to suck them in with promises of a fulfilling life and grandeur, and for those people to be easily swept up and brainwashed into believing that what they are doing is right.  (Or that what they are doing is required, because the alternative is more horrifying.)  
The type of people who joined the Death Eaters are the same type of people who joined Heaven’s Gate, or The People’s Temple, or yes, The Manson Family.  Now, I’m just going to say, from my own personal point of view, I do not vilify anyone who’s ever joined a destructive cult.  On the contrary, I feel sorry for them.  Because most people who join a cult, don’t necessarily do it signing up for the�� end result of what happened to them.  Some of them totally do, like Heaven’s Gate. Most of them knew that the end result was going to be the “evacuation of their earthly vessel”.  But the people who joined the Manson Family, for instance, did not initially join it KNOWING how it was going to end.  They were part of the family long before Manson even came up with Helter Skelter, and by the time the Tate-LaBianca Murders took place, they were already too far gone to go against it.
I highly recommend anyone who’s interested in a humanizing view of former cult members, to read the essay “Leslie Van Houten: A Friendship” by John Waters. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/leslie-van-houten-a-frien_b_246953
Or, at the very least, listen to this 7 minute NPR interview with John Waters about the essay https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111585116
It’s the story of how notorious film maker John Waters, became friends with former Manson Girl, Leslie Van Houten, and about how she broke away from the cult after her conviction, how she’s spent the last 51 years of her life recovering from the psychotic influence of a maniac who’d promised her the world, and how even though she was convicted to life WITH a possibility of parole, it’s never been granted to her, despite the fact that she has done literally everything possible to try and atone for her crimes.
Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart.  I’m pretty much the only person I know who feels sorry for Leslie Van Houten and other cult members who were brainwashed, abused, and manipulated into doing a lot of the horrible things they’ve done.  But there are people in the world, who have committed FAR more heinous crimes than the Manson Family murders, and who are far less repentant than Leslie, but because those crimes weren’t as notorious, they get to walk free.
Addendum: When I first posted this, I had a few people point out to me that they had always associated Voldemort and the Death Eaters with Hitler and Nazi Germany.  This is a perfectly fair point, but one that I personally don’t jive with, and the reason is simply the numbers.   There were literally millions of people in the Nazi party during WW2.   Death Eaters don’t even reach triple digits, as far as I’m aware.  As I hinted at in this essay, I consider Voldemort and the Death Eaters to be MUCH closer to Charles Manson and the Manson Family.  The Manson Family 100% had Nazi ideology, of course. "Helter Skelter” was Charles Manson’s prediction that there was going to be a massive race war; one that the Whites were going to lose, and that he and his Pure White family would emerge from it in order to rule over the remaining Blacks.  Kinda... sounds like a Death Eater thing, huh?
Sorry.  Back to Snape.  There is a lot we don’t know about Severus’ actual time as a Death Eater. I think it can be reasonably assumed he’s never actually killed anyone before Dumbledore (In Prince’s Tale, Severus questions if his soul would be safe from killing Dumbledore, and Dumbledore implies that his soul would not be damaged by helping an old man avoid pain and humiliation.  This leads me to believe that Severus never committed any soul-damaging murders before this).  Beyond being a sneaky spy and delivering the prophecy to Voldemort, his time as a Death Eater is all up for conjecture.  
Severus does make one important deviation from the typical cult member mold, however.  In the end, he manages to break away from the cult.  The scales fall from his eyes.  In a figurative sense, the LSD has worn off.  What made him sober up, was the threat to his last lifeline to the light. The one good fucking thing he’d ever had in his miserable life.  He was brought back by genuine love.  Ya know, the ENTIRE MESSAGE OF THE HP SERIES. And not only did he leave the cult, but he then spent the rest of his life actively attempting to destroy it, and atone for the mistakes he’s made, in an effort to bring back the world he’d been excited for, as an 11-year-old kid, so full of hope.
282 notes · View notes
doctenwho · 3 years ago
Text
Hangovers, Love and Space Vodka (PE Pt. 2)
Tumblr media
Hello! Requests are definitely open, even if I’m awfully slow! I feel bad at how slow these are coming out especially since there’s so many in waiting, but writing just hasn’t been on the table recently. Apologies for that!
But I’ve found the time and the motivation, so I decided to get this done! Thank you for your patience! This is such a cute idea, and it always makes me happy that people like the first parts enough to request a continuation. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you readers like it too! 
So, please enjoy the continuation of Purest Expression (also, you should probably read that one if you haven’t already, this fic heavily references it!) Also, I just thought the name was funny and I was in desperate need for one, so feel free to suggest others if you’ve got one!
Warnings: Talk of alcohol, but no drinking!
Word Count: 4,050
Summary: Check out the prompt above! :)
Tumblr media
(Gif doesn’t belong to me, credit to the talented creator!)
You didn’t really remember a lot when you woke up. All you really knew was you'd drank far too much of that delicious cocktail, and that your brain was pounding in your head. This was quite possibly one of the worst hangovers you’d had, but honestly, you’d do it all over again to have another one of those space cocktails.
You rolled onto your back, lifting your hands to cover your eyes in an attempt to block out what little light managed to stream into the room. Your stomach churned at the movement, but it settled out easily enough after you didn’t move a muscle for a few minutes following your roll.  
You relaxed back into the bed when your stomach settled down, and finally uncovered your eyes, staring up at the ceiling with a bleary gaze.  
As you laid there, you tried to piece together the evening. The bits and pieces between arriving and having enough to drink that you could no longer walk a straight line.  
You knew you’d gone out on the town with the Doctor—he'd been excited to show you things. He'd raved enthusiastically about the planet, and you’d listened along as your own excitement grew too. Then, you remember finally stepping out of the TARDIS and being completely astounded by this new planet, with all its colours, music and general liveliness.  
The cute little bar wedged between two buildings; you remember that too. And of course, you remember the cocktail—you'd had two, or three, or... had it been four? You couldn’t really pinpoint it. The Doctor had said it was weaker than earth vodka, and maybe it was, but the after effects were definitely more intense to a human that human vodka was. That said you’d still be down for another drink or two before you left.  
It was well worth the pain of a hangover to taste that drink again. Just the thought of it made your tastebuds tingle.  
You let out a light laugh before rolling back over onto you side, but this time following it up with pulling yourself to a sitting position. The nausea was still there, but hardly noticeable; just a subtle warning to keep your movements slow and steady lest you start gagging.  
Your head was still pounding, but you knew that wasn’t going to go away without pain killers, so you stumbled to your feet to go find the Doctor. He’d have something that could help, and at this point, you didn’t care what planet it came from, so long as it killed the raging headache and... well, didn’t kill you.  
You found the Doctor in the kitchen of all places.  
He was perched at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee in front of him, as well as a book. He startled when you stepped into the room, breathing a light, “oh, (Y/N),” as a greeting.
You continued into the room, wobbling on your feet for just a second, “good morning,” you greeted in return, forcing a smile onto your lips despite the headache, “you don’t happen to have any pain killers do you?”
The Doctor frowned, “are you unwell?”
“Just a bit of a hangover,” you promised with a wave of your hand, “a little worse than an earth alcohol hangover, but it’s manageable. I’ll be fine, my head just really hurts.”
“Right, of course,” the Doctor nodded, pushing himself up and moving towards the cupboards. He rifled around the cabinets, reading labels of things and putting them back before he finally found what he was looking for, “these aren’t of your earth, but they are basically the same thing as your planet’s Advils. I’m sorry I don’t have anything that’ll help from your earth, I should really invest in some if I’m going to keep soliciting companions from earth.”
“Soliciting?” You snorted a laugh, which made you wince lightly, “really?”
“Well, I do tempt you humans away with the offer of the entirety of the universe, now, don’t I?” You smiled at the Doctor’s cheeky grin as he joined you at your side, setting the pill bottle in front of you to do with as you pleased, whether that was to ignore it, or take a couple, before he carried on to the counter. “No different really, I offer the universe in exchange for companionship, and I’m proud to say very few have ever declined. Now, would you like a tea, or coffee?”
“Jokes on the ones who declined, they’re really missing out,” you huffed out as you picked up the pill bottle, surveying over the list of ingredients. None looked too out of the world, but honestly, you’d do anything at this point to ease the thrum of your headache, so you uncapped the bottle, “surprise me.”
The Doctor turned back to flash you a grin from where he’d busied himself at the counter, “will do, my Dear.”
You shook a few pills into your hand from the bottle, eyeing them as if they were about to change colours or something similarly alien-like, but when none of that happened, you frowned, “how many do I take?”
“Well...” the Doctor turned thoughtfully to lean against the counter, “I’d say to start off with one and see if it does anything for you. There will be small differences from planet to planet, and we wouldn’t want you to overdose. After a half an hour you can try taking another pill if one doesn’t help.”
“Sounds good,” you popped a single pill into your mouth before you could hesitate. As if the Doctor was magic, he slid a mug of you go-to morning beverage towards you, and you washed the pill down with a sip of the perfectly prepared drink.  
You savored the taste of your drink, sighing into the warmth. When you’d had a couple sips, you put the cap back on the pill bottle and slid the bottle to the center of the table. You watched the Doctor move around the small kitchen as he made himself another coffee before joining you at the table.  
The two of you settled into a silence, thankfully. You hunched over the table, your elbows on the surface and your cheeks cupped in your palms, as the Doctor continued reading, but he looked like he was lost in his thoughts instead of actually reading.  
“How long have you been up?” you asked slowly, squeezing your eyes shut before blinking them open again to see the Doctor’s gaze on you. “You’re kinda spacing out.”
“I’ve just... some things on my mind,” the Doctor admits with a tiny curl upwards of his lips. It didn’t really answer the question, but at the same time it did. You didn’t think the Doctor had even gone to sleep. “Has the headache eased at all?”
Your mouth formed an ‘o’ shape noticing suddenly that the headache was in fact almost gone. You hadn’t even realized, “yeah,” you informed with a laugh, “almost gone. I didn’t even notice—space things are so much better than earth things; the drugs and alcohol.”
“That would be a very worrying observation if I didn’t know exactly what you were talking about,” the Doctor snorted a laugh. You laughed along too, even if the statement was completely true—it had only been about ten minutes and the space Advil was already working wonders, where as the earth stuff could take anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes to actually kick in.  
“So,” you drawled after another string of comfortable silence between the two of you, “what’s been on you mind then?”
The Doctor eyed you up and down briefly before sighing, running his fingers through his hair and making his already untamed locks stand up at odder angles, “I was just thinking about yesterday.”
“Yesterday,” you parroted under your breath. You’d been thinking about yesterday too. How could you not be? There were still gaps in time where you don’t really remember what happened. “What happened yesterday?”
“You don’t remember?” The Doctor blinked.
“No, I do,” you leaned back in your chair with a sigh, “well, most of it, I think. But some of it... I don’t know? It’s kind of a blur. I guess the cocktails started hitting me towards the end of the evening, I barely remember coming back.”
“You were a bit out of it,” the Doctor admits sheepishly, “glad I cut you off at three drinks then.”
“I could’ve handled more,” you scoffed, smiling widely in a teasing way.  
The Doctor rolled his eyes, leaning forwards, closer to you as his voice dropped, “I do believe three is probably your limit, Love.”
You let out a bout of bright laughter and the Doctor smiled softly. You loved how easy it was to banter with the man—how the two of you were so comfortable with the other that you could tease back and forth like this.  
As if to prove his point, your head gave a warning thrum of pain that drew a shallow breath from you, “yeah,” you shook the pain off, “you’re probably right about three being my space-cocktail limit.”
The Doctor shook his head fondly at you as he settled back in his chair, “so, anything you’d like to know about yesterday? I did promise I’d tell you anything you’d like to know?”
You thought back to what you remembered about yesterday: the walk from the TARDIS to the bar, the ideal seating at the bar, those amazing rainbow cocktails that tasted like dreams. Drinking and chatting and laughing with the Doctor—splitting a plate of chips that were unbelievably delicious... and then... well, the space English the TARDIS didn’t bother translating for you.  
“What was the bartender saying to you?”
The Doctor drew in a breath as his cheeks dusted the faintest pink, “nothing important, I assure.”
“C’mon,” you pouted, cradling your half drank, significantly cooled drink between your hands as you leaned towards the Doctor this time, “you said you promised to tell me about yesterday, right?”
The man chewed at his lip, subdued, but clearly trying to figure out the best course of action, “alright, well, we... I suppose we were acting a tad bit... involved? And... some assumptions were made about us by the barkeep.”
“Involved how?” you raised a questioning eyebrow. “And... what kind of assumptions?”
“Involved involved,” the Doctor cleared his throat, eyeing your level of understanding before rubbing his forehead and adding, “uhm, romantically involved. Those were, well, the main assumptions made as well.”
You gaped for a second before a thought came back to you suddenly, “he kept calling us lovers.”
“Yes,” the Doctor managed a light, fond smile, “I did try to explain it to him: us, our companionship—but, well, he... he didn’t believe me.”
“He didn’t believe you?” You repeated back, surprised.  
“No,” the Doctor laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, “he made some pretty solid points in favor of us being romantically involved too, actually.”
“Oh yeah?” you teased, “and what points might those be?”
“Well, we were sitting fairly close--”
“As friends do,” the excuse came easily. The Doctor raised an eyebrow, but continued on like you hadn’t spoken.
“--I was hovering close to you, I suppose... A bit at least--”
“You were worried about me,” you interjected with a fond eyeroll at how wrong the bartender had been. Lovers? Come on, no way. You guys were... you were friends. Obviously. Though the thought of the Doctor hovering over you, making sure you were okay warmed your heart.  
“--we leaned into each other’s sides, uhm, multiple times throughout the evening--”
You struggled for an excuse for that one, you did tend to lean into his space, not that the Doctor ever seemed to mind. And he liked to press into your personal space as well—neither of you really cared about proximity, so you managed a one shouldered shrug, “it was just loud in the bar, hard to hear each other.”
“--and, well, he pointed out I was staring at you occasionally; odd for him to have noticed, when I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”
You couldn’t come up with an excuse for that one, eyebrows furrowing in confusion that made your breath catch in the weirdest way. He’d been staring at you? Why did that make you feel so happy?
“And then the fact that you returned the stare when I wasn’t looking. Honestly, that barkeep spent more time watching us than he did working last night, I’m sure.” The Doctor let out a playful scoff, genuinely amused that the bartender had put more time into them than his job.  
You however, were suddenly caught up in the information.  
He’d been staring at you when you weren’t looking—fondly, you were sure, if it had caught the bartender’s attention and led him to believe the two of you were in a relationship. Then there was the fact that you were staring at him in return? You’d been caught by someone staring at the Doctor? You knew you did it sometimes, how could you not? He was a good-looking, kind, compassionate man who liked your company. Just being with him made your heart speed up.
“That doesn’t mean we’re a couple,” you forced yourself to say, even if... well, you were questioning it just slightly. You knew, of course, that the two of you weren’t a couple but... “That bartender was just bored and looking too far into us, I’m sure he was doing it to everyone...”
“Of course not, surely we’d know if we were, right?” the Doctor agreed with a light grin. The grin only lingered for a second before it faltered and he chewed at his bottom lip. You were about to question it, but he spoke again before you could, “but, well, I suppose there is the song he had to go off of as well.”
“The song?” You questioned before it all flooded back—well, most of it, at least, “we were on a stage. We... we sang together. Was that a karaoke bar or something?”
“We were,” the Doctor ducked his head in a nod, “we... did. And it, well, it was kind of like your earth karaoke bar. Do you remember anything about it?”
You tried to remember, you know the Doctor explained it last night after he’d gotten the information from the barkeeper, but you still don’t really know. And you’re sure there were bits and pieces that he didn’t tell you last night as well. So, you shook your head.
“Right,” the man nodded, settling his elbows on the tabletop as he held his chin up, “well, the concept of the song ritual we were roped into performing is that you sing whatever song best corresponds to what you think about your peer. I’m not exactly sure how it works to be honest, the expression through song is just strong.”
“So, whatever I felt about you would be... conveyed through a song?”
“Yes.” The Doctor gives a light nod.
“And whatever you felt about me would... would also be?”
“Indeed,” his head tilts as he surveys you, trying to piece together where you were going with this string of questions.  
“But... we sang a duet, didn’t we?” You furrowed your eyebrows, running a finger along the rim of your mug. You faintly remembered chiming in with the Doctor’s song, instantly knowing the new lines to his song despite not knowing his lines, or the actual song. “Does that happen? What... what does it mean?”
“Well,” the Doctor cleared his throat, looking nervous. “It does happen, it’s just, well, it’s rare? I suppose. The barkeeper, just before we left, told me that the last time he saw a duet happen during the expression through song ceremony was when he was a child.”
“Wow, okay,” you bit the inside of your cheek. You had a feeling you knew what it meant, and the thought made your cheeks heat up, but you asked anyways, “what does a duet mean?”
“Well, generally speaking...” the Doctor shot you a small, crooked smile, “it means that we feel exactly the same way about each other. Exactly the same to the point that our expression would be through the same song, at the same time.”
“Wow,” you couldn’t help but repeat, “that’s... wow. So it really is unusual then? Why did it happen to us? Was it a fluke?”
“No, don’t think so,” the Doctor shakes his head, a blush rising to his cheeks as his fingers tap against the table, “something like that would be hard to fake, so I doubt it was a fluke. We chose the song—deep in our subconscious when thinking of the other... I mean... I didn’t know the lyrics beforehand, did you?”
“No,” you breathed out, fingers fiddling with your empty mug, “I don’t even think I remember the lyrics now. They were just... in my head when they needed to be. I didn’t even know your lines of the song. It’s weird that we were the people that got the duet—random visitors.”
“It was the same for me,” the Doctor sends you a small smile, “I think few people view their... companion the same way their companion views them. It seems highly unlikely that any two people can feel the exact same way...”
You’re not sure why, but there’s something different about the way the Doctor says companion this time around. Maybe he holds a different fondness than you’re used to, or perhaps some other reason, but there’s an unfamiliar warmth in the word.  
“But we did,” you whisper, looking up momentarily and catching the Doctor’s eyes before dropping your gaze back to your cup.
“But we did,” the Doctor repeats, just slightly louder than you. Like he too can’t wrap his brain around it. There’s a pause before the Doctor’s clearing his throat, forcing a crooked smile onto his lips. “Well, I promised you we head to the shops for some alcohol and other treats, didn’t I?”
The Doctor stands, moving swiftly towards the door without looking back.
“I meant it, you know?” You speak before you even realize you’re speaking. You don’t see the Doctor stop, since you’re facing the other direction, but you hear his steps come to a halt, feet planting in spot.  
He doesn’t say anything for a second, which prompts you on, “I do need you.”
He still doesn’t say anything, or move, so you stand and gather both your mug and his own, walking in the opposite direction from him towards the sink. You set the mugs in but don’t touch the faucet, instead mumbling a soft, “I want you.”
You’re not even sure if he’d still there anymore, or if he’d taken you moving as his cue to escape. You don’t turn to look, afraid to not find him there, so instead you whisper what little of your lyrics from yesterday that you remember, “come on back to me.”
Another moment of silence drags in before you hear the Doctor moving. His steps are quick, and you think he’s leaving out the door when suddenly hands are on your waist and he’s swiftly turning you around and gently pushing you against the edge of the counter beside the sink.  
You manage to muffle your surprise as his lips press against yours, soft but urgently all the same.  
You melt into his lips, eyes slipping shut as his hands leave your waist, one wrapping around your middle, as the other rises to cup at your jaw. It spurs you on too, your arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him just slightest bit close, to which he blindly follows your lead.  
You don’t pull away until the need to breath outweighs how good it feels to be kissing him.
You both gasp for breath, but neither of you pull away, lips still touching the faintest bit, “I didn’t think you even remembered the lyrics... how... intimate the duet was...” It’s the first thing the Doctor’s said since trying to flee the room.
You slowly open your eyes, catching his eyes waiting to make contact and a smile pulls at your lips. You pull away a bit, pushing your forehead against his, “I didn’t really remember the lyrics until just now, but I never forgot the feeling of singing them to you, and hearing you singing them back to me.”
The arm around your waist tightens around you, “I didn’t know you felt the same way,” the Doctor whispers. “I didn’t want to... make you uncomfortable, or chase you away. And then you woke up this morning, and didn’t remember anything with the hangover, so I... was going to let it go.”
You’re sure you make a noise of protest, maybe even disappointment, but you only assume because the Doctor lets out a chuckle before stealing another kiss that you’re more than happy to give.  
When he goes to pull back, you snake your hand up to hold him in place, mumbling softly against his lips the last of your lyrics, a message he’d sure to understand, “I love you sundown.”
The Doctor freezes against you pulling back just enough to look into your eyes before a smile creeps onto his face. You smile at his smile, watching him fondly as his head tilts in that adorable way, affection bright in his eyes, “and I, you, my Love.”
You melt at the words leaning into him and pressing your head against his chest, fitted perfectly under his chin like a puzzle piece. Your arms wrap around him, and his move to hold you against himself just as you had done to him seconds earlier.  
You stay like that for a while—you're not sure how long. You feel protected tucked against the Doctor, and it’s a feeling you’re never going to forget.  
“How’s your head?” he asks softly above you, the voice after so long of nothing by his steady heart beats startles you. The Doctor presses an apologetic kiss to the top of your head.
“Better,” you decide, nuzzling closer to him, “why?”
“Well, I did promise we’d check out the shops, if you’re feeling up to it.”
“I almost forgot about that,” you laugh, finally pulling away. The Doctor unwraps his hand begrudgingly, frowning as he does so. You let out a laugh, slipping your hand into his. “I wanna see the shops before we leave this evening. We’ve gotta get some of that vodka.”
“I see more hangovers in your near future,” the Doctor snorts as he leads you along by the hand.  
“Oh, and, we should definitely pick up a gift for the bartender from last night,” you add, ignoring the Doctor’s teasing jab at your weak human alcohol tolerance.
“Why’s that?”
“Well, without his instance that we sing, and his instance that we were a couple, none of this,” you gesture down to your interlocked hands as the two of you step out of the TARDIS and onto the busy, colourful streets, “would’ve happened.”
The Doctor’s quiet for a second as the two of you fall into step. “There’s nothing in the universe that can ever thank him enough for what he’s done,” the man softly admits, giving your hand an adoring squeeze that drives his words home.  
Your cheeks heat up as you tuck yourself in his side. He moves easily to accommodate you, releasing your hand to wrap his arm over your shoulders instead. You move your hand to squeeze around his waist, grinning as you respond cheekily, “I don’t know, Doctor, the space vodka is pretty good...”  
The man sputters at your response, glancing at you with a raised eyebrow, “I was being all cute and you’re comparing the gift of our newfound relationship to vodka?” the man questions, genuinely dumbfounded.  
You give a one shouldered shrug at his side, giggling at his reaction. It wasn’t long until the man was letting out a fond sigh, thumb stroking against your collarbone, “what am I going to do with you?”  
The tease in his words has you smiling. There really is nothing in the universe that seems equivalent to the gift the bartender bestowed to you, but... yeah, a bottle of space vodka was a nice start.  
<><><><>
Hello again! Hopefully you liked this continuation. Not sure if it kept to the prompt exactly, I got a bit carried away writing it, but nonetheless, I hope it was good! Feel free to prompt again if it wasn’t what you were looking for, as always!
I’ll try to keep up with the prompts but idk how well I’ll be able to manage between life and the other works in other fandoms. Anyways, hope you have a great morning/day/night!
126 notes · View notes
sergiusreports · 2 years ago
Text
Prompt #7: Pawn
Tumblr media
In chess, the pawn is the weakest piece. You can still get shit done with it and it’s always satisfying when you do, but it’s not ideal. Your best bet is the heavy hitters. The queen, the bishops, the rooks. These pieces are worth protecting because without them, chances are, you’re going to lose. 
Pawns are nothing more than roadblocks to be removed or tokens to be sacrificed to get your opponent to do what you want without them realizing it.
Three and I were a fucking pawns. Even worse than that, have you ever played chess against yourself and lost? Leaves some really good feelings, all around.
The war games were brief scenarios each designed to show the Imperial brass where all their grant funding had gone and what it got them in return. Mainly, me. So. Joke’s on them. 
At the height of the project, I will have 24 peripherals. Which doesn’t sound like a lot to run a whole fucking war theater but hang around long enough and we’ll get to that. At this point in time, I have four. On account of the fifth one malfunctioning and having to be taken offline right before this exercise. But we aren’t going to talk about that. 
The scenario objective was pretty basic. Three and I were dropped separately in the middle of fucking nowhere, Garlemald, and told to avoid capture and make it back to the research facility. Only, I’ve lost contact with Three, his feed having cut out like a switch being thrown. Which means he’s already been captured like an idiot or he’s malfunctioned like Five. Either way, it’s not a good look.
I’m trudging through knee deep snow across a wide, frozen river plain, my drones flying high as all systems scan for some visual of the missing mobile unit when the blizzard hits. Of course it does. Soon the temperature displayed in the lower left of my main array reads in the negative digits. The ice and snow bites into my shell. My temperature regulators have never been tested at these levels and begin to malfunction. The output is no longer hot enough to wick away the snow. Ice builds up in my nanotech fluid and my joints start to churn. But I wasn’t going to give up. Bells pass as I navigate my way towards the research facility on nothing more than plot coordinates, circumventing or hacking my way around weapons turrets and evading wandering Spoken patrols. In some ways this is all made easier due to the inclement weather. In other ways, not so much. The good thing is if my drones aren’t picking up shit, the enemy isn’t either. Because I’m the enemy. Have you ever been of two minds? Ever argued with yourself? That’s probably as close as you’re going to get to understanding a multi-branching neural A.I. network. The Spoken give the peripherals all differing number designations but that’s for their benefit, not mine. They’re all me. Splinters of the same consciousness. 
I pick up a ping coming from almost on top of where the research facility should be located, 9.6 klicks south of my position. The ping signature identified it as Three. Logging the location, I head in that direction, requesting a status update but there’s no answer. Here’s where I become an idiot. When I reach the coordinates, Three is a heap that had been out in the environment so long snow covers most of his body. 
I tell two of my drones to take up guard positions around the unit and send the others off to do a cautious sweep of the area. The snow is starting to let up but it still makes surveillance a pain in the ass. Even so, there’s nothing popping in my alerts. I approach but as I reach out for Three, there’s a sudden crack and a hidden sniper’s shot tears my arm off at the elbow joint. This was the first time I’d ever lost a part of me and I feel the sudden severing explode across my systems, pain indicators sending a flush of wound sealant racing to the site before I can crank it down. 
I crouch down low over Three and pop a magitek shield over both of us. Hunching protectively over him, my systems in a disoriented scramble, all I can parse is how much I want to return to the familiar hum of the development complex. Lucian would fix my arm. I’d sit in the lab and watch him work on his other projects. Right then, I’m just like all those unreasonable, shell-shocked Spoken I will one day deal with in the middle of the battlefield. I will develop protocol based off of this experience. 
The snow pops next to me as the sniper fires again and misses. I still feel the absence of my severed arm along with the cacophony of system alarms. I’ve never experienced so many before and my central unit was in danger of overload. I’d have to kill my network to silence it all but I needed the network. Without it, I was as blind and defenseless as a pitiful Spoken. I send my drones to bait the sniper, using the shots fired to triangulate a position and move in while my sensory outputs tell me that just beneath the snow, under Three, is a metal plate. And a control panel. 
Shoving the unresponsive bot to one side, I shovel one-handed through the snow and hit the panel. The plate slides open and Three and I are lowered down into the safety of the research bunker. As the lift grinds to a halt at the bottom I’m sitting there in a pile of snow, one arm missing, an unresponsive peripheral laid out in a heap to my left. And standing over me, staring down at the tableau of my monumental fuck-up? Peripherals One and Two. The fuckers. 
“Four! You made it!” Lucian says as he jogs up, tossing his hands in the air in what I can only assume is celebration. Though I can’t see anything to celebrate right then. “Let’s take a look at that arm. Sorry I had to shoot you back there.” He grins. 
My systems can’t parse the information and the way it’s being delivered. Spoken aren’t so cheerful about violence when it’s against each other. For machines though, life is cheap and full of second chances. It does something to me, though, to know he shot me. 
I stand and follow him down the metal corridors of the facility. 
He’s buoyant and laughing with people he passes along the way. As a whole, the Sergius project must have done something right in this scenario despite my piss poor showing. 
He’s midway through reattaching my arm when he tells me the news. “They said it’s promising. They want to start implementing the Sergius project on a wider scale. I’m going to turn over what I have to the main facility back in the Capitol. They’re going to ship you peripherals out.” He glanced up at me, brows raised. “You understand, don’t you? The kind of position I’m in. What this could mean for my career?” 
I don’t have access to things like nuance or too deep an understanding of what goes on under the surface of the politics of the Empire. Just Lucian’s face and his eyes sending an unreadable message I really want to be able to decrypt. 
“I understand.” 
9 notes · View notes
proudfreakmetarusonikku · 2 years ago
Note
Hello neutral young adult it's pretending to be c!Dream time -- 1, 7, 12, 13, 20, 28, 39, 45, 52, 54, 70 🟩
I've put a ridiculous amount of thought into this so thanks. You all get a look behind the curtain. I'll answer in character and I'll clarify in (brackets) the truth if c!Dream's not telling the whole truth (which he rarely does).
1. What about [Whumpee] made you feel drawn to them?
“Tommy's a good kid deep down, I know, but he's… troubled. He needed a firm hand to guide him, y'know? He didn’t have any of that in his life, and I was more than eager to step up to the task.”
(c!Dream's also been fascinated by c!Tommy's defiance since the beginning, which quickly bloomed into finding everything about him fascinating like he’s some sort of rare specimen. The cruelty came in a little bit later.)
7.  Are you a sadist?
“… No?”
(c!Dream takes satisfaction in the pain and suffering of others in the same way a child enjoys breaking their toys or an author enjoys writing an angsty scene. He presumes this is normal.)
12. Are you lonely?
“I won't be.”
(Cutting off his attachments for the sake of his plan has left c!Dream horribly, cripplingly lonely. In a twisted way, he really does see c!Tommy as his only friend left.)
13. Does this make you feel powerful?
“I already know I'm powerful, don’t I?”
(c!Dream might already be confident in his power over everyone, but exercising that power is very much something he finds soothing because he has the worlds most fucked up coping mechanisms.)
20. What do you like about [Whumpee]?
“Tommy's fascinating. You know, I've always been a scientist at heart, and he's the perfect test subject. His defiance is something I’ve never seen before, and I’ve been around a while. Most break eventually, realise they have unbeatable odds, but Tommy's never backed down. It’s not like he's oblivious- he’s a lot smarter than the others realise- it’s just pure determined spite. I want to figure out how and why.”
“Outside of that… he's a good kid, y’know? He might be rude on the surface, and too many people get caught up on that, but you just have to dig a little deeper and it’s so obvious. He's pretty funny, too. A lot of people find him obnoxious, but I don’t get that. Of course, he's always most amusing when he's in pain.”
28. Do you ever feel guilty?
“Why would I?”
(c!Dream is fully aware he’s done bad things, but views everything as necessary for the pursuit of his goal, and believes the ends justify the means. Any actions he'd take after that goal is achieved would be justified similarly as upholding that greater good. It’s the lesser of two evils, in his own mind.)
39. Favorite method of restraint?
“You'd be surprised at how well a few words here and there work to keep people exactly where you want them. Convince someone they’re better off and they won’t leave even if the doors wide open.”
45. Have you broken [Whumpee] yet?
“I- what? I don’t want Tommy broken. I want him to learn how to fucking listen for once, but I don't want him broken, Prime. He's a good kid- practically family to me- and I like him. I don’t want to get rid of that. Besides, that’d be such a pointless waste of resources. You don’t break perfectly good subjects.”
(c!Dream does genuinely enjoy c!Tommy's company and like him as a person, and while he wants to make him dependent and obedient, he doesn't want to erode his personality. Besides, he finds his defiant spark entertaining. The fun of the game is ruined if the other party isn’t playing along, right?)
52. What is your relationship to [Whumpee]?
“Well, we're all family here, right? I mean, ideally. I suppose if I were to be more specific, I'd see Tommy as like a brother to me.”
54. Why?
“Wouldn’t you have done the same?”
(c!Dream sees himself as a martyr, and everything he does as a way to save the server. Any suffering, both of himself and others, is proof what he's doing is necessary. To him, everything he does is obviously in service of helping, and he finds it odd others don’t understand what to him is plainly obvious. To him, if people object to his plans, it’s because they’re too stupid to realise that it’s the lesser of two evils and in the service of their greater good. He thinks anyone else in his position would have done the same, else they’d be corrupt and not worthy of it.)
70. Do you think [Whumpee] will ever forgive you?
“… He‘ll understand some day. I know he will. He doesn’t get it now, but he's clever. He just needs time.”
15 notes · View notes
dreamteamspace · 4 years ago
Text
They really went there huh
/rp (good lord I rly hyperfixated on this essay huh)
torture tw, abuse tw, manipulation tw, gaslighting tw
So the Dream SMP built a character, once maybe morally gray, who slipped straight into villany with little to no desire to change, and willing to cause a LOT of pain to get his way. Despite this, he doesn’t question what he does enough to stop, justifying his actions with a good intent that doesn’t come close to justifying what he’s done.
C!Dream is unremorseful of what he’s done, he’s quite literally manipulated and gaslit (like actually, not in the way everyone keeps throwing the word around) c!Tommy, almost drove him to take his last life- like, jesus christ. That’s not even to mention blowing up L’Manburg three times, encouraging c!Wilbur, wanting the discs JUST to have power over c!Tommy, etc.
SO, he gets thrown in a box for it so he doesn’t hurt anybody anymore, making his own hubris his downfall (narrative consequence my beloved). This leads us to a good finale - the bad guy, the person who’s caused objectively the most pain and destruction, is now unable to do so anymore, taken down by the person whom he tried to weaken. It is also revealed he was planning on blackmailing and threatening pretty much everyone, but now everyone gets their stuff back.
Good, right?
Especially for the finale, yeah! The message of the finale is good, c!Tommy manages to escape his abuser with nothing more but his clothes on his back and fights his way back to c!Tubbo and his home.
He doesn’t let his trauma (which is still very present!) let him become a terrible person (arguably the way that c!Dream DID let his frustrations make him a terrible person, c!Tommy, despite bearing quite a heavy weight, recognizes when he begins to turn that way and actively works against it).
It shows that while alone, c!Tubbo and c!Tommy were outfought by Dream, but because c!Tommy went the length to ask for help (which he didn’t even really seem to be relying on actually showing up), he wins! It truly is a good message.
C!Tommy escapes his abuser and manipulator, refuses and fights his trauma to not become someone he doesn’t want to be, and defeats his abuser by asking for help and receiving it, even more than he thought he’d get. He refuses to play c!Dream’s “game”, refuses till the very last moment to let c!Tubbo die, to surrender and say goodbye to him.
So, great! Good finale! C!Dream The Villain is boxed like a fish in a prison of, quite literally, his own making. It sent a good message to people. C!Tommy wasn’t expected to forgive him and did, in fact, axe him down twice, causing c!Dream to finally fall from his high horse.
Most media would stop at this point, say the villain is now defeated and never show them again, or have them come back another one or two seasons later, escaped and seemingly unharmed and worse than ever.
Alternatively, there’s a throwaway line, (or, in good media, a genuine, reasonable backstory, complete with remorse and bad role models and complicated situations), that allows the villain to be redeemed.
In GOOD redemption arcs (See: Zuko from avatar tbh), the villain was already never quite as heartless, or stressed their good intent, or felt remorse for what they felt they “had to do”. Then, ideally, the villain takes a looooong time adjusting their habits, regretting their actions and changing until they’re considered redeemed.
Not on the Dream SMP, though.
They don’t stop at c!Dream’s defeat.
He doesn’t dissapear off-screen and is never spoken of again. His life continues on, everyone’s does, just like it would in reality. He doesn’t magically want to become a better person, far from it. So no redemption. But he doesn’t dissapear, either.
They go on to, slowly, stress how awful the conditions in Pandora’s Vault are. c!Bad says c!Dream should be imprisoned, but at least at slightly better conditions. We’re in very VERY morally gray territorry here. Nobody says c!Dream is a good person, of course not, but even c!Bad - who knows Dream was planning on keeping c!Skeppy in a cage to control him with - goes, “yeah, he should stay boxed, but does he really need to like... suffer suffer?”
Still, c!Dream seems to be kindof inconsistent in his behavior. Is he faking his pain? Is he not? His actions don’t fully make sense for either take. He acts differently to each person, but at the same time some things he does don’t make sense if he were just fishing for pity.
Then c!Sam admits to trying (and thinking he succeeded) to “break Dream’s will”, to quite literally starving him for weeks.
Okay, so now we’re a step further. C!Dream is now suffering even more, although already boxed and unable to hurt anyone. Pandora’s Vault is one thing, but now c!Sam just seems to be out for revenge and nothing more. Instead of spending his time with c!Tommy, he spends his time pickaxing(?) c!Dream.
C!Sam isn’t an angel, and we should all know that by now. He does what he thinks is right, but he’s deeper than that, all characters on the DSMP are.
He cares deeply for the Badlands, and would always choose them above anybody else. He’s a capitalist. He built the prison because it would benefit the Badlands resource-wise, despite knowing Dream would probably use it on his enemies, and it was no secret that ALL members of L’Manburg, especially c!Tommy, are his enemies. C!Sam, undoubtedly, knew that. He still built it.
Arguably, he didn’t know about c!Dream’s attachment obsession at the time, but the point still stands.
People have already latched onto the untold story happening between c!Dream and c!Sam, and frankly, we barely know enough about it. Does c!Sam torture him regularly? Do they talk? Does c!Dream try to verbally fight back? CAN he fight back? We don’t know! We’ve gotten proof for both, between c!Sam saying that c!Dream is terrifying even in prison and c!Dream going silent to go on strike. We don’t have enough of an idea how bad or how good it truly is.
So the people who prefer to humanize c!Dream and explore morality imagine c!Sam to downright torture him, people that prefer to see c!Dream as nothing but evil due to his actions imagine prison on the DSMP to not be equivalent to real life prison, and thus nowhere near as torturous as people are making it out to be.
Now all that is thrown out the window as c!Quackity quite literally tortures him.
So now the internet is faced with a question that, judging by some of the impulsive reactions *cough cough* celebrating torture *cough*, it didn’t turn out to be ready for.
Tell me.
How far do we go?
C!Dream hurt a LOT of people. He did a lot of things that caused irreparable damage. Now what? Do we torture him forever? Why? Because he deserves it? How do we determine that without comparing one kind of pain to another?
It’s custom and kindof generally respectful not to compare people’s pain too accurately, because different things vary greatly in severity depending on the person that experiences them.
At what point do we say he’s suffered enough without comparing exile to the prison?
And if we DO compare, does that even make the question easier to answer?
And if he’s never suffered enough ever, killing them would be a mercy...
At what point has a person done enough damage that they “deserve” to die? What if someone only did half of the things c!Dream did. But if c!Dream gets infinite punishment, and half of infinity is still infinity, do they ALSO deserve endless suffering?
Do you think every person that did something you can’t emphasize with deserves to suffer for eternity and die?
I’m not saying we SHOULD emphasize with c!Dream. He did things we cannot justify, that NOTHING can justify. He did things that were, by their nature, unjustified.
I’m also not saying anybody should forgive him. I think it’s a GOOD thing that c!Tommy doesn’t want nor is narratively pushed to forgive c!Dream.
But c!Dream doesn’t need c!Tommy’s forgiveness to be... a person.
There’s a saying that I’m sure you know, that goes “I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”, because there’s things you wouldn’t want any human being to experience. Not because you like them, not cause you think they’re right, but because they’re human.
And perhaps this is my personal opinion, but I don’t think c!Dream being a bad person justifies dehumanizing him, because then we get into an area where someone needs to meet criteria just to be human.
-
I met someone once, whom, because of outside circumstances I knew I probably wouldn’t meet again. We’d been getting along just fine for people who just met, and were both getting into an interesting discussion about morality. They kept insisting upon something I kept refuting, so they said they needed to get something off their chest.
They proceeded to tell me that they had, years ago, while a teen, manipulated someone in a relationship, pushed boundaries and tried to convince them to do things they didn’t really want to do to get what they wanted.
They cried, while telling me, too terrified to tell anybody they know, terrified nobody would ever speak to them again, insanely regretful of their actions. They didn’t know whether to go back and apologize or just stay as far away as humanly possible, didn’t know which one the right thing to do is.
It had been years, by then, and I talked them through it. I said that what they did was bad, and there’s no going around that. But I also said what I saw, which is someone who would never do something like that ever again. I saw a human being. Someone who regrets a mistake they did and now, after enough time has passed, would do anything to make it undone.
Someone who is too terrified to be close to anybody in fear that they would do it again. I don’t remember if they already went to therapy or not, but it was definitly on the table, or in the near future.
They asked me how I could possibly even keep talking to them after they told me all that. They implied they felt like some kind of monster despite literally chocking back tears, firmly convinced they don’t deserve to be close to anybody in their life ever again.
I never swerved from the fact that what they did was wrong, and harmful. But I also told them they’re human. The universe isn’t keeping score. They want to be a better person now, and they were never going to learn how if they never let themselves be close to anybody.
I told them to seek therapy, and to slowly, carefully, try. Assured them that the fact that they regret it so strongly will at least help them in not falling back into the same pattern, and if they do, they can learn to recognize that.
They thanked me after the conversation, genuinely, especially for the fact that I didn’t sugarcoat what happened, because I know otherwise it would’ve felt like I was lying, like I was just sparing their feelings. I wasn’t. I was thinking about how to make sure they get to live without hurting anybody.
As per the circumstances, we didn’t speak again after that, which we knew basicly from the very start.
-
I still think about that conversation a lot.
Do you think they should’ve been locked up for life after it happened, instead?
Do you think this real human being, that I spoke to, that took years to realize their mistake - and never would have realized it if they hadn’t had the time to, if they’d been killed right afterwards - deserves to suffer forever?
Let me tell you something, from someone who’s been in more than one abusive situation: People that hurt you are human.
That doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. That doesn’t mean you have to like them. That doesn’t mean you have to make an effort to understand them. That doesn’t mean you need to go anywhere near them ever again.
You can hate them. You can be angry at them. You can (and should) go as far away from them as possible, and/or defend yourself.
But that doesn’t mean you have to dehumanize them.
You’re allowed to hate and dislike people that are human, because you’re human, especially if they hurt you. That’s how life is.
And to go back to my original point - c!Quackity torturing c!Dream is not something that should be celebrated.
There’s a difference between necessary measures (locking c!Dream up so he doesn’t hurt anyone), and torturing people for fun.
It’s not right. It’s never going to be right, and do not justify literal torture on human beings, and do not make someone lower-than-human to justify torturing them.
Taking revenge on someone for what they did tenfold is romanticized, I know, but I promise you it’s not actually as cool as it sounds.
346 notes · View notes
wri0thesley · 4 years ago
Note
Hello Nat! May I humbly request a monsterfucking scenario/headcannon of milking cow!risotto?
i have never written anything like this before, please be nice to me
relief - reader x risotto (2k)
risotto takes a liking to a farmhand. 
(warnings: non-human/cow hybrid risotto, farmhand reader, milking/lactation, big strong cow man, not sfw, afab reader)
Approaching Risotto always feels like a Herculean task.
No matter how many times you do it, or how often you visit him, the first view of the man always makes your heart skip a beat. He’s just so big – the muscles, the haunches, the shoulders – the heavy broadness of his chest, clearly in need of what you were about to provide for him.
He sees you coming and tenses. It’s not, you know, that he dislikes you in particular – but Risotto has always been a difficult cow to work with. He has broken free of too many milking machines and damaged too much equipment, and you know that there are other workers on the farm who he will not so much let lay hands on him. For you, though . . .
“Easy,” you murmur, softly, putting up your hands. He’s not skittish, that’s not the right word for him – but he requires trust, and not many people bother putting that into working with him. Despite being somewhat of a loner, the other animal hybrids that had been acquired from his old farm and put into yours all have a strong attachment to each other and him that hasn’t waned at all.
(Melone told you, when you had been foolish enough to believe him with big eyes and a whimper that the machines hurt and he’d give more if you hand-milked him, that there had been two more of them once, but the other farm’s cruel mistreatment had lost them. You think that’s what Risotto is afraid of.)
He sees it’s you and relaxes, the flare of his nostrils receding, his ears relaxing. You’re smiling despite yourself.
“I’m glad they sent you,” he says, after a moment, his voice a very low rumble deep in his chest. His dark eyes – so unusual, but pretty nonetheless – look at you and you see that the amount of milk that he’s holding onto must be painful for him. The last farmhand they sent to try and hand-milk Risotto--
Well. They had not gotten on as well as you did with him.
He’s swollen. You reach up, having to get on your tiptoes, and gently pet Risotto’s face, fingers dancing across the sensitive skin, to the flare of his horns. He exhales deeply, the big gust of air making his long ears flutter.
He’s really cute. You like him a lot; other farmhands are pretty scared of him, but you’ve established that you’re not a threat to him, and that you’ll be kind to both him and all of the other hybrids that are sequestered on the farm.
“You want me to take care of that,” you say, keeping your voice very soft and docile so he doesn’t interpret you as a threat. “Right?” You motion to his swollen pecs, the nipples puffy. You can see one of them is already almost leaking. “That’s gotta hurt, huh? Sore?”
He bows his head, embarrassed, but he nods. He swallows, the bob in his throat very big – just like everything about him, really.
“Y-yeah,” he affirms. He’s definitely not the most talkative cow you’ve ever worked with – but honestly? After being sent to take care of some of the others in his herd, you’re not going to complain about that.
“Alright,” your voice is still soft, soothing. You turn for a moment to grab the extra-large sized buckets that you’d brought with you from the farmhouse proper, setting them on the ground. You need the extra capacity they can hold with Risotto, knowledge gleaned from prior experience. “Get down, come on. I’ll help you.”
Even on his hands and knees, he comes up high against you. In an ideal world, something like Risotto would indeed be left to the machines, which are much more equipped to deal with his unusual size than you are – but in the old days, you guess, farmers would have had to do this themselves, so it’s the least you can do--
For something so big, he’s surprisingly reserved about this – his face flushing warm as you wrap your arms around him. The position is a little awkward – you’re so much smaller than him, and he is so broad – but as your hands gently massage his chest, squeezing softly, Risotto lets out a fluttering whine, his body curling into it almost automatically.
“Hey,” you murmur again, “don’t buck too much. You’ll lay me out flat.”
It’s not like you haven’t been knocked down before – but Risotto’s so strong, he might actually put you out of commission for a while. The stories of broken milking machines have not passed you by – if he can break things that are industrial standard, you know it would be no bother for him to break you.
(You shouldn’t have thought of it like that; your face heats up despite yourself.)
Another squeeze, a soft massage – when he wasn’t carrying so much milk around, the planes of his abs and chest were usually flat and hard. They’re soft and swollen right now, and he pants as you touch him, his back arching. Your teeth bite into your bottom lip as you wedge your feet against the ground hard, trying desperately to keep your balance where you are.
The fingers on one hand latch about his engorged nipple, tugging gently – the other hand massages the soft skin of one of his pecs, coaxing the milk in him out. He groans again, curving – and you hear the tell-tale noise of liquid hitting metal, and know you’ve gotten started.
If you had a spare hand, you would be petting his hair soothingly. You do not, so you have to be satisfied with quietly humming pleased epithets at him.
“Good boy,” you say, all softness and light. His body is warm beneath you, his head ducking further. He never knows how to respond to praise. “That’s right, Ris. We’re gonna get this done and you’re gonna feel so much better, right?”
The thick noise of him swallowing again.
“Already feels better,” he confesses, sighing as you continue to tug and massage and the steady drip of milk becomes a steady rush, a stream. You maybe should have brought extra buckets, you think, as his supply doesn’t seem to dwindle. God. It really has been a while, huh?
He moans softly as you milk him, shifting from one side of his chest to the other, and despite knowing that you’re on the clock and it’s uncomfortable for you to be feeling like this, you find yourself shifting. It doesn’t help that the position you have to assume behind Risotto leaves your legs spread wide so you don’t even get the relief of being able to press your thighs together – his soft noises and the feel of his muscle beneath your front, the way he’s reacting to being milked are a siren’s call. You’re going to have to lock yourself in a bathroom or somewhere and take care of your problem before you tend to any of your other work, too many of the hybrids on the farm would smell arousal on you the minute you got within ten feet.
“Good boy,” you repeat, and you receive in return a rumble that’s almost like a purr. Whilst it’s easy to imagine him breaking machines based on the raw power coiled in his muscle, it’s also hard to imagine him being anything but pliant, what with how he’s reacting to your stimulation, his groans and shivering.
You can’t see how full the buckets are, but you sure can imagine.
“A-ahh, Risotto--”
He whines and you hear the click of his back hooves on the floor as your own feet are suddenly lifted off the ground despite all of the work you took to keep them dug in, your body bent double over his as he--
Your cheeks heat up in realisation. Risotto is dry-humping the air, the stimulation to his swollen teats obviously having an effect someone further down. It’s not unusual for a cow to be stimulated by this happening, of course – but last time you milked Risotto . . .
Well. Last time you’d milked Risotto he hadn’t given off so much milk, he hadn’t been so swollen, and he hadn’t been dealing with the feel of being full and unmilked for so long, you suppose. Knowing what Risotto has swinging between his legs, though, you can’t help but be glad that you’re basically on his back. It would do nothing for the arousal that you’re desperately trying to fight off to see his cock all hard and thick pressing against the flat planes of his stomach.
“Hey,” you say, weakly. “Down, please--”
“C-can’t,” Risotto replies, desperation evident in his voice. “N-need . . . Ugh--”
The grunt goes right through you like a jolt of heat. Your hands haven’t ceased in their machinations, still milking and massaging, but you can hear that the stream is thinning out. You must be close to milking him dry, then. Maybe once you’ve done that he’ll calm down a bit.
“Come on, shh, let me finish--” Your words are not so soothing with the panic of basically being mid-air and the breathless sounds of being so turned on you can barely concentrate, but you do your best anyway. Risotto’s powerful hips flex underneath you as he ruts into thin air. His tail is swinging side to side – a farmhand who didn’t know him as well might say it seemed irritated. You know a little better.
You try and block out anything but the feel of his chest, the repeated motions of massage and tug and tenderly coax forward the milk, but it’s so fucking difficult to concentrate on anything. Risotto breathes out deep again and the stream turns to a drip, drip, drip. So close. He whimpers, his body not stilling--
And then, you’re done. He’s stopped. You’re about to ask Risotto very nicely to put you down and you’ll let someone know that he could be doing with a different type of milking, but before you can really say anything the cow is bucking you off.
Your back hits the ground with a thump and you wince. He could definitely have been rougher – you’re not broken – but it’s hardly a nice sensation to be forcibly pushed off of something with as much raw restrained power as Risotto has.
“H-hey—” You try and say, weakly. “Ris, please, I’m just doing my job--”
Your calves are being pushed apart. The clack of hooves on the ground as Risotto’s body settles over you. The silky warmth of one of his flopping ears presses against your cheek as the cow nuzzles into you lovingly. His deflated (oh, it’s all hard muscle again) chest presses against your own, his nipples damp where they meet your shirt. Oh, cute – he’s thanking you--
“Please,” Risotto says, breathily, and you realise that he’s not thanking you. You look down past the dark patches of his markings on his shoulders and stomach to see that his cock is still achingly hard and leaking, and right now it is pressing (insistent and massive) into your thigh. “Need. . . please—”
“Oh,” you breathe. “Risotto, I shouldn’t – I should get someone else to do that, it’s not my forte--”
He exhales against your neck, making you shiver, hot breath rushing all over your skin.
“Don’t wanna be milked,” he grumbles against the shell of your ear. “Want you.”
Oh, that’s bad. He shouldn’t want you. It’s never a good idea when cows get too attached to their farmhands. But . . . Risotto’s bulk over you is so massive. He’s such a problem cow for so many other workers. Would it be that bad? Maybe they might want to breed him in the future, his milk is good and he produces so much of it, but . . .
“I shouldn’t,” you repeat helplessly, but your hand is already reaching for his cock. You can barely fit your fingers around it. If it goes inside of you, it might actually break you in half. The thought should not be as hot as it is.
“Please,” Risotto repeats to you, still nuzzling against your neck, sending needy signals all through your body. You bite your lip as you give the shaft a pump that has his powerful hips following the motion. You can only imagine what it would feel like to have all of that force thrusting into you.
You don’t have any other duties today, do you? They gave you all morning with Risotto, thinking that you’d need the extra time--
You give in to the siren’s call. The hand not around his cock fumbles with the button of your jeans.
“Okay,” you say, and Risotto’s nostrils flare again, his tail beating, his big dark ink and blood eyes lighting up. “Don’t break me.”
399 notes · View notes
nonbinarykai · 3 years ago
Text
Ok since two people asked
Why Lloyd is my least favorite ninja and how I rewrite him
Notes:// you know the rodeo by now, long post so it’s going to be under a read more, and I’m not gonna tag this with Lloyd because of the criticisms I have against his character, if you don’t want to hear Lloyd be critiqued then don’t reas the post
Why I don’t like Lloyd
Maybe it’s because I’m a Kai kinnie or maybe it’s because I have a bias agaisnt the younger sibling but Lloyd has never really been a favorite of mine
He was enjoyable in s1 but after that he kinda lost all personality for me and I stopped enjoying him
I think this is mostly for two reasons:
1. His screen time
2. His “character arcs”
I’ll go ahead and knock out his screentime here because it pretty much speaks for himself
Lloyd takes up so much screentime in the show that it’s actually jarring, he’s the character with the most seasons, having s1-2, s4, s8-11, and finally s14 ((the island special)). Which I think makes lloyds writing flaws all the more noticable
A big reason, albeit a bit of a petty one, for why I don’t like him is because he constant hyjacks other characters plots and makes them about him, this happened with Kai in both s4 and s11
Even if he’s not the main focus of a season, he always has a side plot focusing on him like in s3 and s12
The writers need to include Lloyd in other seasons is making it harder for the other main characters to actually have enough screentime to grow and develop on there own
And as a side effect of this, Lloyd gets to become the most important character in every season he is, taking roles from other characters who needed them
My best example is Cole being leader, he was set up and established as leader in the pilots and s1, and he did pretty good in it! Cole being a leader is a interesting concept that I would have loved to see been developed
But after Lloyd grew up they threw that plot point into the trash so they could have the mystical green ninja be leader even though throughout s1-7 he hardly actually talks to the main cast and him being leader doesn’t add any interesting dynamic like cole and kais rivalry despite Kai being a sort of right hand man to Coles leadership.
And in s1-s7 especially everything literally revolves around Lloyd to the point where his existence is more important than everyone else’s, and everyone’s motivations are to protect him.
Again I understand he is important, he’s the green ninja, but you have to let your other characters grow and develop, Lloyd is not the only main character in your show
Like for fuck sakes I don’t need 3 arcs about Lloyd and his dad, can I finally have another Kai season
Lloyds character arcs honestly kinda suck
Im going to be honest with you
Lloyds kinda an ass
The reason I like jay more then Lloyd even though jay has been way more mean spirited then Lloyd throughout the entire series is because you can atleast make the argument that jay doesn’t know when his jokes can hurt. And the show doesn’t portray jay as in the right, he gets what he deserves for some of the meanier things he says.
The same can’t be said about Lloyd
Lloyd says things to the other ninja that is honestly so mean spirited it’s jarring to hear it from him
Best example being when Lloyd told Kai to get over his shit when Kai was grieving in s4
But what makes it so frustrating is that the show always portrays Lloyd like he’s in the right which is why a lot of his character arcs feel flat or uninteresting
The only time this doesn’t apply is in s2 and in s3, in s2 the show paints Lloyd as being unfair to Misako when he RIGHTFULLY gets mad at her for abandoning him, I’ll get back to this later
The second time in s3 is when he’s traveling with Garmadon and having to be taught to balance his powers, which is actually one part of s3 I really liked, it was nice to see these two bond and have Garmadon teach Lloyd something that wu would other wise not teach him. And it’s a real shame the season cut it short AGAIN
The biggest example of the show making Lloyd seem in the right no matter what is in s4, Lloyds whole arc there was to learn how to view things from a different perspective and appreciate the things others have done for him. And this is would work if the show decided to do the same.
Again back to that scene with Lloyd and Kai in s4, the show treats Lloyd as if he’s in the right and it’s never addressed after this. Even though this is supposed to be the beginning of lloyds arc where he’s supposed to learn to view things from a different perspective
This scene would have worked if
1. The show didn’t paint him in the right for this, either by having Lloyd apologize or having the show acknowledged how it might have hurt Kai
2. If the plot Lloyd has remained a side plot instead of taking up the entire focus
Seriously, s4 could have been the ONE season where you can have a Lloyd side plot thats not forced and yet they fucked it up and made it the entire focus of the season thanks a lot.
To quote what I said in my Nya anayalsis awhile back
“I’m not upset that he has a flaw, just that it’s not recognized as one”
Lloyd would work way better as a character if the show just let him have consequences for his actions
Ever since he grew up and got the green ninja role he’s been treated like he can’t do no wrong which is clearly not true
But since we’re already on this topic
Hurting Lloyd doesn’t make him a good character
I feel like Tommy ((and sometimes the fandom)) really misunderstand what the use of suffering for in a story
There atleast 3 reasons writers make there characters suffer
1. To undergo a arc and realize where they have been wrong or to give a character a lot more depth to expand upon
2. If the story is a fallen hero one and the character suffers because of his Huberius
3. If the story is a tragedy
Ninjago is neither a fallen hero story or a tragedy and his pain doesn’t develop him as a character
A lot of writers don’t understand that suffering isn’t what makes a character good, it’s what pushes them to become good, you can’t just throw a character at the wall and expect them to instantly be a well written fleshed out character
A lot of the suffering Lloyd has to endure is mostly for no reason and it’s really mean spirited because it adds nothing to the plot, it’s just there to hurt him
Let’s bring up s11 as an example, Lloyd didn’t HAVE to fight the ice emperor from a writing standpoint, if anything it should have been kais battle because his lose of power and Zane going evil would have been a perfect reflection of s4 and tie it up after it ended kais character a bit open ended
But no let’s have Lloyd do it instead because haha isn’t trauma COOL and HIP
Now to be clear, I’m not saying that all of your stories have to end on a happy ending or anything like that, if your a writer then your allowed to do whatever you want with your personal writing
What I am saying is that ninjago is an actual SHOW made by PROFESSIONAL writers and they can’t understand the concept of a story structure
And the lack of actually addressing his trauma is really bringing down Lloyd as a character
Because it comes to a point where you understand why Lloyd is sometimes mean or distrustful of other people and it’s frustrating because you know that it’s flaws of him that are never going to be fixed because there writers want there trauma baby
How I would rewrite him
I’ve seen a lot of people suggest Lloyd become a villain in a future season and you know what, I sort of agree
But not in the way you think
I feel like it would be way more compelling if Lloyd was a villain but is still a ninja, instead of Lloyd switching sides, the show is switching perspectives
More or less I want Lloyd to be a reflection of the “true” villain, which is how wu ((and subsequently Lloyd)) put small Victories as more important then the ninjas life, passion, and desire, and how there black and white thinking of good and evil ends up to a lot of problems because there’s a lot of grey area there choosing to ignore
I want Lloyd to start of being loyal to wu’s philosophy and the protagonist, for random example let’s say Kai, sudden turn on these ideas in order to look outside the box to find if there truly is a better way to protect people without harming himself
I want Lloyd to be upset over what he thinks is a turn to the dark side when in reality, it would make his motivations make sense and not make his turn to “villainy” be out of character.
And over the course of the season he starts to realize how wus and subsequently his leadership has hurt the others and himself, and have him reflect on if all the pain they suffer through just to clean up wus mistakes is really worth it like wu says, or if there’s a better way like kai says
As for Lloyds actual character himself, I’d like for his flaws to be more noticeable
Have Lloyd be a gifted kid who gets praise when he doesn’t deserve it but still kinda acts like a brat because he’s still mentally like 10
Have him be a control freak who follows the rules way to strictly and is all serious when they have to do missions
Have his idealization of wu be realized and critiqued because honestly wu sucks ass
Would this make his character less like able? Maybe, but then he’d actually have depth and something to improve on
He can still have his s3 and s4 arcs, it’s just now they’re more important because he’s actually learning to be better
AND BEFORE ANYONE SAYS IM PURPOSEFULLY MAKING LLOYD WORSE SO THAT KAI LOOKS BETTER
ILL HAVE YOU KNOW AWHILE BACK I MADE A POST SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT KAI AND HIS FLAWS SO THERE (/hj /lh)
113 notes · View notes
spiderlilyserendipity · 4 years ago
Text
Deserve (KSJ x reader) 🔞
Tumblr media
Genres: angst, smut, & fluff
Tags: brat tamer ksj, brat!reader, dom/sub elements (obv LMAO), references to cheating (no actual cheating by jin or oc dw), spanking, fingering, established relationship, possessive sex, unsafe sex (be safe irl y’all), insecurity, mentioned breeding kink, mentioned hand kink, sexting, jealousy, aftercare (always important!), lots of hickeys, whooo this one is wild
Warnings: ksj uses some mean language in this fic (slut, bitch, etc.)
WC: 3835
Reminder: 18+ ONLY
You grin to yourself at the sight of Seokjin readjusting his pants to hide his erection. The camera is angled low enough that no one notices, especially with the winter coat on top of his clothes, but Seokjin is embarrassed, you can read him well.
You love the sight of his large member tenting in his pants, even more so when it’s because of your actions.
You stopped by the set today to surprise him with dinner after a long shoot, but then you got jealous.
You and Seokjin haven’t seen each other in a few weeks due to his work, and he hasn’t been picking up your calls lately. You decided to put up with that, since it hasn’t even been a year of dating yet. Most people don’t call ten month long relationships “serious”. But when you were waiting on him to finish work, you saw Seokjin’s fans talking about his newest interview on Twitter.
Seokjin has such good chemistry with her! One fan commented.
Yeah he totally does 😍😍 I wonder if they’re dating on the DL HAHAHA. Another added.
That makes sense actually! I hear she also majored in acting, and at Seokjin’s college, too!
You watched the interview and you agreed, he had been too friendly with her. You know it’s all work, as an actor Seokjin has to be charming and suave. It’s the only way he can convince the audience he is deserving of the roles he plays. But something bothers you about the way they interact. It almost feels real.
Out of jealousy, you go to the bathroom and take a picture of yourself topless and send it to Seokjin. You pinch a bit of your skin until it reddens, making it look like a hickey. Then you do it again, in another place. They’re hard enough pinches to start to bruise, and you bet they’ll be deep purple in a couple hours. You caption the picture as if you don’t hurry, I’ll go back to him soon.
There is no ‘him’ of course. You’re exclusive to Seokjin, both romantically and sexually. But hey, you can’t be the only one that’s a little jealous.
You leave the dinner you packed for Seokjin in his dressing room and leave just in time to see him open the text out of anyone else’s sight (as he opens all your texts to prevent people finding out about your relationship).
You turn around and happily skip back to your car. Seokjin can be the frustrated one now, you’ve had it.
When Seokjin comes home, it’s nearing midnight. The shoot went on another 3 hours after you left, 3 painstaking hours you laid in bed and pretended to sleep.
Seokjin knows it, too.
“Covers off.” He says instead of hello, not even turning the lights on. When you stay still, he shuts the bedroom door and locks it even though you’re home alone in his apartment. You don’t usually use the house key he gave you since you always felt it was a bit early for you to even have one, but Seokjin had insisted on giving one to you (although oddly he never demanded one to your house in return). But tonight, you’re not shirking away from any sort of commitment. You don’t care what Seokjin thinks of you using his house key and waiting in his bed, if it looks clingy. You’re clearly not that important to him anyway.
The only light Seokjin turns on is a small bedside lamp he only keeps on when you have sex, to be able to read your facial expressions even when you’re tied up or blind folded.
Seokjin pulls the covers off you, leaving you cold. “Y/N. I’m here. Quit pretending to be asleep. If you want to come tonight, show some fucking respect.” He snaps, shaking your shoulder. You open your eyes and glare up at him. Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Get on your knees.” He orders.
You do so. You’re dressed in only a pair of black lace panties and one of his oversized long sleeve shirts. You showered and shaved for tonight, and you’re sure he can smell his own body wash on you. But you’re not anywhere close to behaving yet, and you stare ahead. Seokjin tugs down the collar of your shirt to reveal your collarbone and the top of your chest where there are two bruises that look uncannily like hickeys.
At your unusual silence, Seokjin stops to check on you. “Colour.” He states rather than asks.
“Green.”
Seokjin clicks his tongue in disapproval at you. His temper is worse with you today. You have obviously pushed him further than he has ever gone tonight with your picture. “Look me in the eye when you tell me your colour. Have I not trained you well?”
You look him in the eye, anger flashing on your face. “No, you haven’t.”
Seokjin tightens his jaw. A muscle quivers in his cheek as he does it. “Is that the right way to ask sir to fuck you, princess?” He asks in a threateningly calm voice. His voice is just above a whisper and sends a chill down your spine.
You know what you’re asking for though. You both do. You smirk up at him. “Green.”
Seokjin sits at the edge of the bed. “Over my lap this instant.” He tells you. When you continue to glare, he smirks. “You know it’s been a month since we did this. I won’t fuck you for another month if you push me any further. Write down the fucking date if you want to, Y/N.”
Knowing Seokjin always keeps his promises, you quietly bend over his lap. You can deal with being spanked or even edged until you’re crying, but being deprived of Seokjin’s touch altogether is the worst and you both know it.
Seokjin chuckles, tugging his shirt up and over your ass. He begins to knead your ass between his hands roughly, making you whine. “Who asked you to stop by the set today?”
“No one.” You answer.
Seokjin slaps your ass hard. “Does this look like a regular conversation to you? Use your manners.”
“No one, sir. I stopped by because I wanted to.” You correct, already breathless. Seokjin’s first few hits are usually lighter, but he doesn’t have that kind of patience with you tonight. He gives you the kind of smacks he saves for the end right at the start.
Seokjin scoffs, continuing to knead at the same part he just hit. You wriggle in his lap at the touch, making him laugh at you. “Are you that sensitive because I haven’t fucked you in so long? Or is it because your new dom is too soft on you?”
Another hit to the opposite cheek when you take too long to answer. “Do you want to go another month without coming?” Seokjin growls in your ear.
“N-No, sir.” You answer.
Seokjin scoffs at your answer. “Sir, my ass. If you had any respect for me you wouldn’t cheat. I bet you act all coy with him because he doesn’t know you like I do. I bet he thinks you’re some soft little sub that can only be fucked in missionary position. But he doesn’t know you’re a disobedient bitch, does he, Y/N?”
Two more hard smacks, followed immediately by him kneading your ass. “N-No, sir.” You reply breathlessly. Seokjin didn’t give you a number of hits tonight, which means he is going to punish you until you’re crying. Those nights always left you sore the next day, but tonight you feel sore already. Even just sitting tomorrow will be an achievement, forget walking.
“What do you even like about him?” Seokjin asks in a cold voice. “Is he your ideal ‘type’ or some bullshit?”
You close your eyes, envisioning your ideal man. Tall and muscular. Large biceps but a small waist. Cute dimples and round cheeks and shiny eyes when he smiles. Long fingers with rounded nails that look beautiful adorned with jewellery, but the most beautiful when wrapped around your hips, your neck, and especially when inside your––
Four hard smacks in succession, two to each ass cheek. “I asked you a fucking question, didn’t I?” Seokjin asks coldly. When you tremble under him, he pauses. “Colour.”
You sniffle, brushing tears away. “Green.”
“You already took eight. You don’t have to take anymore if you don’t want to, you know that.” Seokjin reminds you, no longer angry. He actually sounds a bit guilty. He gently rubs over your ass, making you wince. “Sorry. I did too much this time, right?” He whispers, now rubbing your lower back in apology.
“I want more.” You tell him through your tears. You turn your head so you can look him in the eye. “I want as much as sir thinks I deserve.”
Seokjin considers it for a moment. Then, he chuckles. “There’s my girl.” He says softly, even though there’s nothing soft about how his hands come down on your ass.
He gives you four more, two to each ass cheek. By the time he’s done, you’re sobbing. It burns, it really does. But you like it like this, like being all his. Even if he’s smiling at some other woman while he’s working or even dating her, you like being just his in this moment. And because you’ve made him jealous too, Seokjin will definitely remind you of that fact tonight. Even if he doesn’t really believe it anymore.
Seokjin manhandles you onto the bed, making you lay down against his pillow. You hiss in pain but Seokjin is quick to kiss you. He does a great job of distracting you, kissing you deep and making you moan in his mouth. He only breaks away from the kiss to unbutton the shirt you’re wearing.
“So fucking dirty. Letting some asshole get his hands on what’s mine all because I left you alone for a few weeks.” Seokjin curses, pushing you further into the mattress as he lays on top of you. You gasp as he sucks hard hickeys on your neck, your collarbones, and the top of your chest. Seokjin takes special care to cover the two bruises you made with larger ones, pinning you down by the waist as you wriggle against him.
“S-Sir.” You whimper, but Seokjin keeps going lower. He even leaves hickeys on your breasts and on your ribcage, refusing to leave you unmarked anywhere. You’re sure you will have over a dozen on you tomorrow morning.
When he’s satisfied, Seokjin returns to your breasts. He is all tongue and teeth as he sucks at them until they’re both hard. You whine as he pinches them both hard afterwards. “You let some other guy do this to you? When only I can fucking work you up like this?” Seokjin demands, anger returning to his voice. He clamps one hand over your throat, not hard enough to block your breathing but enough to make your head spin. “Answer me, Y/N. Right fucking now.”
“S-Sorry, sir.” You answer, not really sure what you’re sorry for. You haven’t cheated on him, but his reaction makes you more sorry than if you had. You hadn’t known Seokjin could look at you with that kind of fire in his eyes. It’s different from other scenes, where Seokjin was turned on but carefully in control. Tonight, Seokjin is angry. But under it, there’s another emotion that shines just as brightly. Hurt. Seokjin is hurt by what he thinks you did.
Seokjin takes his hand off you. “You’re not sorry yet, princess. But you will be.” He warns.
Seokjin sinks lower, pressing kisses to your pubic bone and lower. He pulls your panties down and discards them. Then, Seokjin starts making new hickeys on the insides of your thighs without breaking eye contact.
When Seokjin finally pushes his middle finger into you, you’re half out of your mind and so wet it makes the insides of your thighs glisten. “Did he do this to you, princess?” Seokjin asks you, stretching you easily.
You shake your head, pushing your hips to get him to touch that spot. Seokjin grips your hip with one hand, nails digging into the skin as he holds you in place. The pain is what reminds you that he asked a question. “No! No one can do this to me.” You answer honestly, panting from the force of not coming. It would be so embarrassing to come from being fingered a little, and knowing Seokjin’s mood, he might not let you come the rest of the night if you come without permission.
Seokjin re-enters, two fingers this time. When you moan, he kisses one of the hickeys he made to cover your bruise. “That’s what I thought.” He says in a sing-song voice, mocking you. You grip his shoulders, grateful that Seokjin hadn’t tied you up as part of punishment. You dig your nails into the strong skin there, feeling him tense at how hard you do it. You don’t mean it as pay back or anything for him gripping your hip, you’re truly just that worked up tonight. But no matter his anger, Seokjin always checks on you. “Colour.”
“Green, green. Oh fuck Seokjin. Please can I come, please, please?” You beg, tipping your head back as tears roll out of them. As you clench around his fingers, Seokjin just chuckles and scissors you.
A few pumps later, he adds a third finger. “Do you think you deserve to come tonight?” He mocks you. “Look at how tight you are, I don’t even think you can take my cock tonight. That’s what happens when you fuck someone that isn’t as good as me, I guess.” Seokjin mocks you, rubbing his thumb against your clit to rile you up more.
“Ugh, I said I’m s-sorry! Sir, please.” You wriggle.
Seokjin smirks down at you. “You said it yourself, princess. ‘As much as sir thinks I deserve.’ And I think you deserve to be reminded who you fucking belong to, not to come. But if you beg really well, I might come in you. I bet you’d love to be bred by me after so long, stuffed full of my come like a dumb little slut.” Seokjin slows down, tightening his jaw again. “That is if it’s even special to you anymore. Assuming you don’t let him come in you too, of fucking course.” Seokjin punctuates each word with a hard thrust that has you scrambling for purchase on the bed sheets.
“I don’t, sir! I don’t! No one has except you.” You tell him. It’s true. You have been on birth control for years, but have never done it raw with any man until you met Seokjin. You had always been too afraid in case you missed your pill a day and wound up pregnant. But Seokjin had made you feel safer than any ex-boyfriend of yours had. Only a few months into dating, Seokjin made you feel safe enough to let him go raw, and never made you regret it. Hell, he even picked up your prescription for you when you worked late.
Seokjin’s fingers slip out of you. He pushes a stray hair back from your face, making you shiver as he gets some pre-come on your forehead. “And why’s that, princess?”
“I belong to you. I’m yours.”
You jolt in surprise as you feel the head of Seokjin’s cock press against your entrance. You grip his wide shoulders as he eases into you, but Seokjin pulls your hands off. He pins you down against the mattress, a hand to each wrist. “Correct.” He replies, before starting to move.
You can’t help the moans that fall from your lips with each of his movements. They’re not loud, actually the opposite. Seokjin’s punishment and teasing tired you out, so you can only let out soft moans and whines now. Seokjin pins you down, eyes pitch black and piercing in the dim light. There are no words needed for what Seokjin is doing right now. He’s trying to prove himself to you.
That only makes you feel more guilty. Even a simple nude while he was working would’ve riled Seokjin up, why did you have to make him think you cheated? In hindsight, you hadn’t been thinking straight. “I-I’m sorry.” You whisper as you look at Seokjin.
Seokjin looks away from you and down at your chest, at the darkening spots on your body. “Shut up.” He whispers back. His grip tightens on your wrists and he picks up the pace.
You’re getting close and you know Seokjin is, too. “S-Sir. Please.” You beg.
Seokjin pulls your arms up, taking both of your wrists in one hand and holding them away. You arch your back as the head of his cock rubs against your g-spot. “Sir!” You cry out. When Seokjin’s hips start to stutter, you finally lose your patience. “Fuck, Seokjin!”
Seokjin lets go of your wrists. One hand comes to grip your thigh hard, pushing it as far out as it can go. The other comes to rub at your clit. His pace picks up again, filling you up in a way that feels entirely different this time.
When you come, it feels like a flood of emotion. You tremble and clench around Seokjin, moaning his name and crying. When Seokjin comes, it’s with a deep moan and his fingernails digging into your skin, sure to leave marks tomorrow morning. You both know it, but you’re not upset at all. You have always liked the reminder that you’re his and only his.
Seokjin collapses on top of you as you both come down from your high. Seokjin pushes his bangs back from his forehead, wiping at the sweat on his face with one hand. He doesn’t look you in the eye. You try to kiss him, but he pulls away. He sits up, pulling out of you. Seokjin grabs tissues off the nightstand and wipes himself and you down gently.
“You can use the shower in the guest bedroom.” Seokjin says.
You grab his hand before he can go. “Why can’t I use your shower? We’ve showered together before.”
Seokjin pulls his hand away. “That was before you cheated on me, Y/N. I know we fucked tonight, but this is it. I’m not your boyfriend after tonight.”
Your heart sinks. “Seokjin. I didn’t actually cheat on you.”
That makes Seokjin look at you, eyes still dark but now sad. “Don’t lie to me now, Y/N. You told me clearly in your text that another guy made hickeys on you and that you were going to go back to him.”
You shake your head, taking his hands in yours. “I actually pinched myself. I only meant to make it look real and tease you, but I went too far. I’m sorry baby. I really am.”
Seokjin looks at you like he can’t believe his own ears. “You gave yourself bruises that look like hickeys just to make me mad?”
When you nod and look honest, Seokjin pulls you close. “Why?”
“I watched your newest interview.” You say.
A long moment passes and then Seokjin seems to get what you’re saying. “Were you jealous of me interacting with her?” Seokjin asks, surprised. When you pout he starts to laugh. He tips his head back and closes his eyes at how funny it is to him but it’s not funny to you. When you smack his chest lightly, he looks at you with a fond smile. He brushes your hair behind your ear. “Say it. Were you jealous?”
You bite your lip. Seokjin notices immediately you’re not finding this funny and grows serious. You look away from him. “I was jealous. But I was also insecure.”
“Insecure?” Seokjin repeats the word. “Why?”
You play with his hands. “Don’t know.” You mumble.
Seokjin cups your face and makes you look at him. “Be honest.” He tells you. “You know I like it when you’re honest the most, right?”
You chew your bottom lip. “I...I saw some stuff on Twitter. They said you two looked like a couple. And to be honest, you were kinda too friendly with her.”
Seokjin looks sad. “And that’s why you teased me? Even though you knew I’d think you were just playing and punish you?” You nod. Seokjin’s brows knit together. He pulls you into a tight hug. “I’m sorry baby. I should’ve thought more.”
You shake your head, but tears fall on Seokjin’s shoulder anyway. “I liked it. I always like it when we have sex like that. But I also wanted your attention.”
“You always have my attention.” Seokjin pulls back, cupping your face again. His eyes are wide and genuine. You love that the most about Seokjin; even though he’s an actor, he’s never lied to you. “Let’s take a shower.”
So you do. The two of you get in the shower together. Seokjin washes your chest and between your thighs for you, gentle as he touches the hickeys he made. You wash his back for him and his hair, giving him little kisses every now and then. You grab a spare pair of panties you left at his house and another one of his shirts.
When you get in bed, Seokjin turns you onto your back and applies lotion onto your ass. You wince at the burn of lotion on your sore spots. “Sorry baby. I got really angry thinking about you sleeping with someone else and lost my control.” Seokjin apologizes for the 1000th time.
“It’s okay. I wanted this.” You reply to him for the 1000th time. But still, Seokjin is really gentle with you.
“I only want you, okay?” You tell him when you lay on top of his chest later. “Even though I know after tonight, I don’t deserve you.”
Seokjin kisses your forehead. “Don’t ever say that baby. Of course you deserve me.”
You make yourself comfortable against him and he tucks the blankets in around both of you. “Do I?”
Seokjin rubs your back. “Someone like you deserves the best, Y/N. And naturally, that’s me, Kim Seokjin.” He ends jokingly.
You scoff but kiss his cheek anyway. “That’s true. My boyfriend is the best.”
Seokjin smiles at you lovingly. “I love you.”
Your eyes widen. Seokjin’s eyes widen too. “Shit. I mean, no. Well, no, I mean yes.” Seokjin stammers, ears turning pink. “Sorry, this is too quick right? Fuck, we haven’t even dated a year but I already said that.”
“I love you too.” You reply, feeling yourself blush too. It’s so odd how you’ve been entirely naked before him before but you feel more vulnerable now.
You and Seokjin smile at each other. “I must’ve saved the country in my past life to deserve you.” You whisper.
“That’s my line, baby.” Seokjin teases, kissing your lips sweetly. You melt into him, safe and comfortable. This is home.
194 notes · View notes