#while bonding over our ADHD

[dragoninatardis]

The concept of God I sort of believe in is "Life is the Universe trying to understand itself" (which is a saying from the Minbari religion in Babylon Five)

Except I don't really believe in a God that could be anthropomorphiced to that level

But I am a practicing Jew who studies Judaism (particularly folklore/folkreligjon, history, and text) and prays because these are the ways accessible to me to connect as a human being and because I find great merit in those areas to figure out how to live and connect with the world and they are an essential part of the framework of questioning and learning as a purpose that I was raised in

And then I do my morning prayer in the intralineal siddur I'm using to learn the meaning and I put that emotion into the words and sing them with strength, and I feel like I feel the love (feels are not a typo) in me deep where my voice develops but also the God that I'm talking about with the words that a I *know* the meaning of well enough to find it impossible to write a particular poem without them is not a God I believe in?

And I myself was raised in a very supportive Jewish community, so for me personally it is also one of the most effective ways to be part of that community.

agnostic but in a jewish way. bordering on atheist but in a jewish way. do you get the concept? i love God but also He doesn't exist. do you get the concept?

[plaguedarts]

THE DOODLVERSE!

So this is basically just a collection of my personal designs/headcanons for the digital circus main cast :]

+ More headcanon info under Read More & a little life update at the end!

Okay headcanon info dump lets go!!!

Pomni: The circus's newest and squeakiest jester. She's incredibly good with numbers because her special interest is math. She's been diagnosed with Autism since she was young, but pursued an ADHD diagnosis as an adult. (Headcanon based on @bluepandadraws-log's comics). She's pansexual but doesn't really like to tell people about it unless they're close. Her tail seems to move of its own accord, and Pomni has very little control of it.

Ragatha: A dolly that's a lot tougher than she looks, with a complex for taking care of everybody except herself. Ragatha has many unaddressed "issues" that make her see herself as damaged and too far gone to be saved. She's never sought a diagnosis or therapy for any of it while she was still in the real world, so she isn't even aware that she shows symptoms of OCD. (Headcanon based on ‪@fridgevespidae comics). She's adapted to life at the circus but is by no means comfortable in it. Jax and Ragatha dated in the early days, but Ragatha wasn't all that attached to the relationship. She cared about Jax and still cares about him, but she just didn't LOVE him. She still isn't really sure if she likes guys, but liking girls is something she isn't ready to address yet.

Jax: A rabbitoid who entertains himself by any means possible (usually involving cartoonish violence). Despite how jerky he can be, deep down he cares about everyone else in the circus, especially Ragatha in particular. He's still not over his feelings for her even after all this time, and he's not sure how to cope with them. He's not sure how to cope with most things really. He definitely projects his own insecurities onto people, and he's got a fear of being alone with his thoughts. Can't be with people, can't be alone.

Kinger: The eldest of the group, a king piece who's largely lost his mind. He walks around with a hunch, yet his character model is still the tallest! He has a pet caterpillar toy named "Bug," and it's always crawling around somewhere on him. He may not always be of sound mind, but he only means well.

Gangle: A sweetheart with a mask as fragile as her feelings. Gangle remembers the anime shows she grew up watching more than her own life. She knew very early on that she was different from most people, and thought she had herself mostly figured out until she started questioning her gender identity and sexuality, not to mention being diagnosed with autism as an adult. She likes the label "pansexual," but still doesn't have a solid answer on her gender. For now, they call themselves a "demigirl." Zooble and Gangle are greatly able to relate to each other's struggles, making their bond even stronger. Gangle also has full control over her ribbon tail, often using it as a second appendage.

Zooble: Our local amalgamation of parts that really really doesn't want to be here! Zooble has tried to make the best out of their new body, but can't still can't find something that just feels like THEM. Though certain parts like the fox tail and cat leg seem to put them a bit more at ease. Without Gangle, they might have already gone insane. She's the only one that Zooble truly trusts. (Zooble is also in love with Gangle but in complete denial over it).

Okay now for the life update!

Soooooo I've been gone for quite a bit, and some of you might be curious as to why. I'm still alive as I can be, rest assured. I was just busy focusing on college since this was my final semester leading up to my graduation! It sucked and it burnt me out but I MADE IT!!!

I'm taking these next couple weeks to be lazy, but now I can focus a lot more on my art and stuff!

If you read this far give me a "🐛" because bugs are cool

[brailsthesmolgurl]

"It's priced reasonably..."

Preview: The boys' reactions to you buying things on impulse/on a discount! (Let's be fair, we all know they are all rich af, but I personally wanna give it a slice of life touch for them <3)

SYLUS

The big man you call your boyfriend stares at you when you stepped in through the front door with multiple bags loaded in your small palms. You had told him earlier on that you were going for window shopping and he was all too kind to give you his card and to ask you to use whenever you seem fit. However, coming over a huge discount on groceries are rare hence you had decided to use it as you 'deem it fit'. Sylus did noticed his phone's notifications going off a couple of times to alert him about transactions made on his card.

Instead of him looking at it, he would just mute the notifications and continue his humming while he seats himself comfortably on the couch and watches the news broadcast. "You had fun shopping, kitten?" He smirked, walking over to you to help you with the bags. "Next time, bring me along. I would like to see how my kitten makes good use of my card." Yet, you apologised for having to use his card when you told him you were supposedly going for window shopping but the man laughed in response, finding your apology to be adorable. "No more apologies kitten for I am not a stingy man."

RAFAYEL

Whilst on a shopping trip with Rafayel, this man would splurge on you. Apparently in this case, he would take up the role of the impulsive buyer rather than you. You eyeing something for more than 3 seconds? Considered it bought. You mentioning about something more than 3 times? Considered it purchased. You imagining something that may look good on him? Considered it a done deal. This man has no fear nor worry of ever going bankrupt as long as you're satisfied.

Staring at the huge lorry outside of his mansion, unloading everything you had mentioned would definitely put you in a state of shocked. Your boyfriend would approach you casually, wrapping his arm around your waist and nuzzling his nose against your neck. You would definitely question him on his purchasing behaviour but he would pout. "Gift giving and impulse buying goes hand in hand, and I do not see the reason why I should not be spoiling my cutie." Seeing you smile, he would continue. "It is just one of the ways I can show you that I love you, so don't hold me back on that, yeah?"

XAVIER

Grocery shopping with Xavier would be like going on a hunt for rare breeds of wanderers. Anything that are on discount would not be missed, especially with both of your sharp eyesights. However, you and Xavier are not known to be impulsive buyers. More like calculative buyers, the both of you seemingly carry a bit of a girl math's mentality. Other than necessities, anything that is supplemental to the house would be assessed for its usability and longevity. It is a perk the both of you would sometimes fight or bond over.

But if the discount is worth the product, then none of you would get it on the spot. You would have your moments where you would get something out of the blue, without running through your usual girl-math calculations, and you would be met with the quirk of an eyebrow from your boyfriend. "I suppose we lack this in our house." He would secretly do the math in his head but would never say anything to intentionally make you feel bad. "Yeah, we can make this work, no worries." Then, he would pull the same stunt as you, showing you something that he had got out of the blue as well.

ZAYNE

You would give Zayne a headache sometimes. Your childlike curiousity for interesting and new items would prompt Zayne to take on the role of a father figure. He might sometimes go as far as to suspect you may have a slight hint of ADHD in your system, but other than a slight migraine, he finds the quirk in you to be specifically unique to you. And, he never complains. Being the gentleman he is, he accepts you for who you are and tries to work his way around you whenever he could manage.

"Do you think you really need that?" He would point at the stuffed toys you are holding in your arms. Your point being all of them are begging you to adopt them with their big googly eyes. "Y/n, you might just have to pick one for adoption." Your slack-jawed expression would make him sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose slightly before he serves you a reminder of the consequences for your behaviour. "You had adopted exactly 36 plushies, and now, only 5 of them are actually adopted on your bed, while the rest of them are abandoned in your closet. So y/n, which one do you plan to ACTUALLY adopt now hmm?"

[jyoongim]

Can I request an Alastor x reader where she is a newer sinner. Really nerdy, obsessed with history, fun facts, animal facts, and shy at first. Just says things randomly, like “did you know that if a cow has twins more often than not she abandons ones just rearranging things when bored, someone will come down to lobby in the middle of the night and there she is moving the couches at like 3am. Doesn’t think when she speaks when she sees Alastor in his overlord form just says something like “smash” before walking off. Kind of a this gives me conflicted feelings and made me learn something about myself I don’t think I should know. It can be smut or fluff I don’t mind! My friends just say I have adhd, never been tested, don’t wanna be lol, I just ramble when I get excited and talk too much or too loud when excited too. It’d be nice to see a reader like me :) thank you love! I’m trying not to ramble so I’m sorry if this all over the place!

Hehehe could be possible adhd but I’m also certain everyone has a touch of tism as well so you’re not alone hehehe.

(I too have undiagnosed adhd)

Typing this from my phone cause I’m scared to do it on my work computer😭 should have brought my iPad to work

————————————————————————-

You had always been…different.

When you were alive you spent most of your time doing your hobbies or reading. You weren’t much of a social butterfly but did make the effort every once in a while. But people always treated you like you were an annoyance.

You were strange. Even by demon standards.

But you made a lovely addition to the Princess of Hell’s hotel.

You enjoyed being about to sprout random facts and have people actually be interested.

Animals, history, science you name it you randomly knew it.

You rambled during bonding excersies until you caught yourself yapping and instantly apologized.

You talked to yourself (having been caught in the act more than once)

Husk called you a loose screw but Angel found it charming. Charlie thought you were just the cutest.

And Alastor….

Well you definitely piqued his interest.

————————————————————————

You and Angel were having a “self care” day. Well Angel was. You were just happy to play in his fluff. Angel was telling you about the latest shoot he had to do and then the subject jumped to saying lives. “Oooh cmon toots don’t tell me no one’s were had the hots for that brain of yours” you pin curled his hair, “hmmmm not that I know of. Besides most people think I’m strange, wouldn’t want to scare the masses”

Angel rolled his eyes “well what about here at the hotel? Anyone catch yer fancy?”

You think about it but your mind comes to a blank. Nope you couldn’t in point who you would be the SLIGHTEST but interested in.

The sound of shoes met your ears and you turned to see Alastor entering the lobby. Your ear perked up and your eyes immediately locked in.

You would say you and Alastor were friends. The two of you had great conversations, he listened to your rambles and always told you facts of the time period when he was alive.

He wasn’t in his usual pristine attire. Instead of the polish look, he was dressed more casual. A white button up, rolled at his elbows, wearing dress pants and suspenders, he even didn’t have his gloves on.

He paid no mind to the two of you in the lobby, seemingly in his own world.

“Smash” you said tilting your head, causing Angel to burst out laughing and you blush when you realized you said that out loud.

Alastor turned around, eyebrows quirked “something amusing was said?”

You quickly shook your head while Angel chuckled “Our fact machine here thinks you’re hot*

Alastor blinked, his eyes settling on you.

You wanted to hide in the couch from embarrassment, but Alastor just took a sip of his coffee and began to walk from where he came. He got to the hallway door because pausing briefly, turning to look at you over his shoulder

“I suppose I would ‘smash’ you too dear”

Your cheeks burned and Angel choked as Alastor disappeared.

[forsaken-headcanons]

Random Chance headcanons that are fueled by me being a Chance fictive.

- Chance has ADHD (and probably autism, but he never got that diagnosed)! Casinos and casino games are a long time hyperfixation, but he's also hyperfixated on card + magic tricks, bunnies, guns, languages and many random video games or series. Ultrakill was a past hyperfixation, and where they picked up flipping a coin. It's a stim.

^- The "Let's go gambling!" audio is also a stim.

- Chance flirts with so many people. Survivors, killers, random people he meets, old coworkers and very rarely, patrons at his casino. He doesn't even realize he's doing it sometimes. He just starts talking, and next thing you know, he's being saying pick-up lines in between stories and lines and jokes. Sometimes it is on purpose. It's a coin flip.

^- When they don't realize they're doing it, they get shocked and confused when people start hitting on them. They take it in stride, most of the time, but are massively confused the whole time.

^^- He also sometimes just shuts down when someone flirts back. They don't know how to interact when someone actually shows interest in him?? They just. kinda go with as best they can, while panicking inside over it. The only time he doesn't struggle with people flirting with him is casino patrons. He often just shuts that down as quickly and easily as he can.

- Chance has a habit of falling for. anyone and everyone they meet. He just gets intrigued and infatuated by people easily. They can't really tell if it's an actual crush though, since romance confuses them, because of his ADHD.

^- This means that he probably has thought, or actually had, a crush on many of the killers and survivors. The main ones are Two Time, Noli, Mafioso and ITrapped.

^^- Two Time, simply because he thinks they're very intriguing and loves the way they speak and act. Yeah, it's a little weird sometimes, but very endearing. And they don't ever question or look at him weird for his ADHD symptoms and lets him infodump.

^^^- Noli? Okay, listen. Peak meme guy that responded to Chance's flirting and nonsense with passion. They kinda just. became dazed and confused by that. Everything about Noli is just eye-catching to him, and he just thinks they're cool, in ways he can't really explain. He just likes the killer. (Purely self indulgent. I just really like the Noli in our partner system.)

^^^^- Mafioso? Knew his group from the casino, and bonded with the group, and never really outgrew his admiration for the boss. Similar situation with ITrapped. Past / old feelings that never really died out.

- Really, really hates cheating of any kind. Which is why he hates anytime c00lkidd says the survivors are cheating. Because they don't want to be a cheater, but they also don't want to die, so he can't "play fair" in c00lkidd's eyes. So anytime he has a round with c00lkidd, Chance will have the habit of. kinda hiding and waiting it out. Try not to interact with c00lkidd as best he can.

^- The others have called him out on this and asked about it, but they don't really have an answer that would make sense to anyone that isn't them. (It feels almost physically painful to be considered a cheater.)

- Being without his meds, has fucked with Chance a bit. They've been on them for most of their life, so he doesn't really know how to act without them. He tries to mask as best he can, but they are failing. Badly /lh.

Uhhh. I think that's all for now!! Got no more in our brain.

THESE ARE ALL SO REAL OH MY GODDDD. FALLING FOR EVERYONE?? INFODUMPING?? ULTRAKILL MENTION?? HELL YEAH

we relate SO so much to the whole "physically painful to be called a _____" part holy shamoly. just?? that feeling that you know damn well you did everything in that Specific Way You Like Doing Things, handing over the results to someone, only for them to frown (even jokingly) and be like "nuh uh you probably did something else." like?? excuse me?? we're the same about that when it comes to being called a liar grgrhjgraksgkld. yoinking these for self-indulgent purposes too hehehehehe

[dragonfly0808]

Tecna: The Thesis

This one has been a long time coming I know

First Things First

The first words I have for Tecna in my character profiles are tech nerd child, but she has so much more depth than that, even more than I’d ever originally planned

One of the things I really wanted to get across with Tecna is that is not and has never been an ice queen or unfeeling or cold, just bad with communication and her way of showing affection is atypical

While writing s1, I wrote her as autistic coded but was very hesitant to confirm her as autistic since I really did not want to accidentally write her autistic traits in an offensive or just misrepresentative way, but, after seeing my portrayl of her landed well with a lot of commenters who were part of the autistic community, I decided to do my research and properly commit to portraying her as autistic (whilst of course, never making it her full personality, just a part of who she is)

To me, Tecna is one of the most compelling characters to write, since she has a huge heart and holds a lot of love for her family and the Winx and, over the course of the seasons, we see her get better at communicating that whilst never forcing herself to conform or change to do it the ‘normal’ way

Family Matters

Aside from Riven, I think Tecna is the one who benefited the most from the changes I made to her family

I gave her a big sister and a little brother as well as loving parents who raised them all in a farm on the domestic side of Zenith, that focuses on farming and crops

After I committed to writing Tecna as autistic, I chose to portray nearly her entire family as neurodivergent, her dad is autistic and has ADHD, her mom has dyspraxia, her brother has ADHA as well as dyspraxia, her big sister being the only neurotypical one

The reason for this was because i wanted to portray her parents as always has taking Tecna’s needs/triggers into account and accommodate for all of their childrens needs and never try to change who they are; this is why from the get go, Tecna is unapologetic about who she is and what she needs, having never once been taught or pushed to mask.

Tecna in the OG always had a sense of absolute confidence and in my mind, giving her an understanding family who always embraced her as she was would be a great way of explaining why that is.

Also, I just really wanted to give her a loving, fluffy family since so many other families in the rewrite have issues and problems

SPOILERS FROM HERE FOR SEASON 3, THE OMEGA ARC AND SEASON 4 PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT CAUGHT UP!!!

A Frozen Loss

Now, from the moment I knew I was going to rewrite s3, I knew the Omega Arc was going to be one of the hardest and angstiest to write

i feel like both in the OG and in the fandom, Tecna can often be underrated and underused and I wanted to take the chance to show why I love this character so much and how she is an integral part of the group and there is no Winx without Tecna

In a sense, yes, Tecna is the brains of the group, she is the strategist and the one who comes up with a 27 step plan and the tech genius. But she is also the glue. She’s probably one of the most loved characters in the group, every single one of the girls and the boys have a very special and unique bond with Tecna, partially because of her odd way of showing affection and love

When Tecna cares about someone, she shows it even if she doesn’t always know how to say it, everyone knows it and loves her for it.

The Omega Arc also gave me a chance to show how resilient and smart Tecna is. Like I mentioned, she’s a strategist and a chronic overthinker and our girl doesn’t know how to back down, she’s determined and a survivor.

After the Omega Arc; surviving by herself for a week in a hostile planet and losing both her right leg and left hand, there is of course a huge shift in her character.

I chose to have her lose limbs to fully push how traumatic and life-changing the Omega Arc is not just to Tecna, but to all the Winx. After Omega, Tecna becomes a bit more comfortable with physical contact and starts to question her priorities and what she wants with her life… which leads us to-

Potential Can be Suffocating

One thing I thought I could do with Tecna was to have her shift her priorities when it comes to her plans for the future, going from being determined to be a buisness woman to realizing that she, while she still wants to be successful, it’s no longer all she wants

I think we all know how damaging hustle culture can be sometimes and, to incorporate smth a bit more personal, as someone who was always seen as ‘the smart one’/‘the one who’s gonna maintain us’ in the family amongst the cousins, I’ve felt the looming pressure of being the one in the family with the most ‘potential’. And as I’ve grown up, I’ve kinda realized that I don’t really want to throw myself into being solely dedicated to becoming this big buisness person like- obviously I want to be successful and be able to provide for myself, but I also want to have time for my writing and my family and myself, and I wanted to give this same kind of quiet realization to Tecna

For Tecna, it’s herself who puts on this pressure since, as a little girl she started seeing the modern side of Zenith as ‘superior’ in her mind and really wanted to leave the farm life to become exclusively focused on buisness, but as she grows up and, especially after Omega, she realized she wants to stay close to home and wants a quieter life, she still wants to be successful and to change the world, but it’s not all she wants anymore

Not sure if I explained that last point as well as I wanted to.

Thoughts Behind Her Main Relationships

Tecna

I love Tecna and Musa, they are very much a friendship between unconventional girls who don’t always come across as they mean to.

They both struggle to make friends for different reasons but the second they meet they realize that they are quite similar and so never push each other outside of their comfort zone at first and that’s what allows them to become close enough to then push one another.

Musa gets what makes Tecna tick and makes sure that she’s comfortable, she makes sure she gets her alone time and makes sure she doesn’t get overwhelmed.

Tecna gets that Musa doesn’t want to talk about herself so instead gets her to open up about her music.

And it’s through this that they start to trust one another and by s2 we see them knowing each other well enough to keep the other from spiraling.

When Tecna’s confused about her feelings for Timmy, it’s Musa who reminds her that it’s okay to not be ready for a relationship. And when Musa and Riven first kiss, it’s Tecna who suggests they take it slow since she knows how skittish they can both be.

At this point, they push one another when they need to.

They are crucial to each other’s growth.

Timmy

Now, my darlings, my softies, my introverted nerdy lovers

I know a lot of you were like- what the fuck do you mean they’re still not dating? Towards the start of s4 but I really wanted them to actually take their time before getting together

Timmy has a crush on Tecna since s1 and it’s in s2 where Tecna falls for Timmy slowly but surely, being a bit confused about her feelings since this is the first time she’s ever fallen in love. They have a talk and decide that neither are really ready for a relationship, Tecna because she’s still learning to communicate and just doesn’t feel ready in general, Timmy due to his anxiety and desire to work on himself before trying for a relationship

Once the feelings are out in the open, they are a lot less shy about being affectionate towards each other, since they know they’re headed for a relationship someday.

After Omega, any subtlety goes out the window for a bit, but they still aren’t official since, they really just- they know what they feel and what they have, that’s enough for them throughout s3, especially with everything going on (the song Tell Em by Sabrina Carpenter I feel really encapsulates how they feel about having a concrete label)

But now in s4, they are finally going to be dating and… honestly not much will change. That’s what I love most about Tecna and Timmy, they’re best friends in love. They act like best friends… who ocasionaly kiss. Love it!

Nabu

Now, Tecna was the last Winx to get her platonic soulmate, and I really loved introducing Nabu into the story through Tecna

These two just click from the very start, they are both have quite cool and calm demeanors that hide the ocasional gremlin behavior beneath the surface

They are each other’s impulse control and they trade a singular brain cell back and forth (Tecna has it most of the time).

I’m not really sure how to describe their relationship since, there are just some people in life with whom you just click for absolutely no reason, they just make sense to you in a way that very few people do, these two click and just want to hang out and protect one another

Who is Tecna in this Rewrite?

In this rewrite, Tecna is a young girl who isn’t the best at communicating

She is a girl who slowly grows, not in the sense that she changes, but in the sense that she grows into herself, learning more about herself, slowly learning how to communicate her love and care

The only thing that truly shifts are her priorities as she realizes just how important her family and friends are to her and, whilst she is a very ambitious girl and that doesn’t change, instead it is re-directed into… I actually can’t quite say how it is re-directed quite yet since that won’t be revealed until a lot later on

But my fave way of describing Tecna is just a girl growing into herself, into her love, into her hobbies, into her ambitions and into a wonderful woman.

———————

Masterlist

Tecna Moodboard

Tecna’s Instagram

Tecna and Musa Moodboard

Tecna and Timmy Moodboard

Tecna and Nabu Moodboard

———————

I know this one has been a long time coming, I apologize for the delay I just could not for the life of me put this into words, but here it is!!!

[uniquethingtastemaker]

It's all ir nothing (I say as I obsess over characters instead of studying math)

Jade is one of characters I find most interesting in twisted wonderland, but I also like Floyd, Malleus, Idia (my long lost twin), and obv Vil

Rook is also interesting, in his own ways

Moooooood. Escapism at its finest. I understand and relate lol (this turned out to be way longer than i expected but this is fine lol. Also low key off adhd meds but we still posting anyways)

Jade is an amusing character. He's hilarious. I love how he teases and pokes fun at Azul. His sense of humor is entertaining. He has such cute and fun quirks. Sometimes they’re deadly (rmushrooms), but that’s part of the fun

Floyd is entertaining. Ngl, in Azul’s Dreaming of You, he’s the best side character. He's the MVP. He’s so fun to write for. However, I’m curious to see how he’d act in a serious situation or in true emotional distress. @solxamber did a fantastic job in her "Let's Break Up" series, so I intend to talk to her and dissect her thoughts lol

Malleus was a character @solxamber got me into lol. While he isn’t my favorite, he’s a fantastic central character in the canon story. He’s very cool. I want to figure out some ancient fae magic to help him keep track of time. I aim to at least assist the man in finding a long-term solution to his time management problem in my fanfics

Vil! I love him so much! It’s why I put him in his place in every fanfic he's in. Actually, in Rook x Observant Reader, he's the main reason the couple doesn't get together faster. It's nothing nefarious. Rook and Reader just have a silent agreement that Vil takes priority. Our favorite model needs help, and he's on a time limit. Besides, both of them care deeply about their friends, which is so sweet. It just goes to show how much love and attention I put into Vil in this fanfic. I hope that Vil lovers will like it just as much as Rook fans. Perhaps I can convert people into appreciating our favorite hunter more... According to my friends, I'm very persuasive

I'm also trying to ensure that the audience doesn't fall in love with Vil romantically in Rook x Observant Reader. I hate when that happens. I'll go back and check. From what I remember (bro, this thing is so long, I forget stuff. I go back to read parts of it and pause, because I don't remember writing that. However, it's good, so I'm not complaining. The surprise keeps the fanfic fresh and interesting. It’s just wild), I do a good job of establishing a familial bond. I mean, you saw the Vil milf post. That man is the mom of the group and it shows. Even when Vil gets his act together, Reader still throws in a friendly jab. To me, it signals "we're friends now, so I get to bully you." Besides, I ensure that any emotional scene between Vil and Reader, Rook plays a key role. I hope that comes across, but I will review it

Oh, I'll also say that Vil's Dreaming of You is one of my favorites so far. I'm so intense about this fanfic. Every time I think about it, I burst at the seams because I'm so excited. It's so good. It's delicious. Again, I fangirl any time I think about it. However, Riddle's and Azul's are coming out first. I made a promise and I'm honoring that lol

Idia is relatable on a spiritual level. He's my boyfriend's favorite, which makes sense. He's a mechanical engineer who likes video games and anime... However, Idia is funnier than my boyfriend... I'm the funny one in our relationship. He made the mistake of saying I was funny once, and now I hold it over him. I never say he's funny. I always say he's cute when he make me giggle

I have some of Idia's Dreaming of You. I know, it's a new one/update! It's comedy-oriented, and I love it. When I think about this one, I laugh.

Rook! My spirit animal lol. If you can't tell, I love Rook. I'm writing a novella or novelette for him, so... I think it shows how dedicated I am. He's a complex and interesting character. In my Rook x Observant Reader, I aim to uncover and explore the intricacies of it

I also have the concept of Rook's Dreaming of You... When it's next to the Observant Reader fanfic, it pales in comparison. However, it is still well written and amazing. I had to really dissect his dream and the intent behind it. At its core, what does it say about Rook, what does he value, and what makes him happy? I explain and show that in the fanfic. However, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. I'm always curious

Also, thank you for interacting with me! Sorry, this is so late lol. Been busy with real life. However, I love talking with people with the same interests as me, so keep the interactions and comments coming!

[11queensupreme11]

So all the Cú talk reminds of the fact of in ireland irish (Gaelige) is a mandatory subject. Like you there's no way of getting out of it UNLESS you have something like dyslexia, ADHD or something of the sorts

Just cos the language is super old (pretty sure it's one of the oldest actually but I'm not sure) and really difficult to learn , cos ot follows it's own rules

So I just had the mental image of Cú bullying Percy by speaking in irish and since she has both dyslexia and adhd, will absolutely not be able to make heads or tails of what is going on and has zero chance of understanding it

Also I noticed how you said Anubis hates the English and I honestly feel like Cú would too.

I'm not gonna get into Irish history, cos it's long but as an example of how badly we were treated. During the times were Africans were slaves IF they had Irish blood in them they were immediately cheaper or even free because they're seen as tainted with barbarian blood, cos we were also bot consider white too lol

But ye , considering the English made us speaking our native language, celebrating our culture and also lead to a MASSIVE population decrease (8m to 4m) I feel like he'd hate them. I'm saying this cos I can imagine them bonding over how to traumatise the Brits

ALSO I AM NOT ASKING YOU TO SUDDENLY HAVE CÚ SPEAKING IRISH TOO PERCY. like unless it's a nickname or something or maybe curses I feel like that's pointless and kinda ooc, so obviously I'm not telling you to make Cú's whole personality be irish lol

I just thought of it in irish class yesterday and thought it was funny

Anyway love ya x

THIS WHOLE THING JUST REMINDED ME OF MY ISSUES WITH CÚ CHULAINN'S AGE (tho either way, he'd still hate the english LMAO, but my question is whether he was actually alive to witness the shit england was putting ireland through)

the thing about the ulster cycle is that it's not very... cohesively written?? idk if that's the right word for it, but basically it's not written by the same author, but many authors over generations. so a lot of the dates and real-life historical events being talked about in there contradict each other

some sources deducted that he was born in 200 BCE, but king fachtna, cú chulainn's grandpa, dies in 94 BCE.

then another deduced that he was born between 13-28 BCE

then another at around 1 CE

etc. etc. 😅😅😅 however, most of the answers do seem to agree it was at least in first century BCE and not CE, which makes him 2000+ years old.

i think back then ireland and britain (not yet england at the time) interacted, but idk much about conflicts so that's why i was wondering if cú chulainn was around to personally witness/experience it before going to valhalla

but yeah, regardless, he'd absolutely HATE THEM. cuz even if there was nothing really going while he was alive, he definitely experienced some shit while he was traveling around valhalla's many irelands as the years went and learned what the english have been doing and how they continued to shit on the irish even after death 💀 probably killed many of them cuz they pissed him off so bad too 💀

ALSO I'M PLANNING ON HAVING HIM SPEAK IRISH TO PERCY, BUT LIKE... PET NAMES LOL. but actually very cute and loving ones solely because he knows she won't understand it, meanwhile he calls her insults in english 😂😂

cú chulainn speaking to percy in english: 👹🖕

cú chulainn speaking to percy in irish: 💖🫶

[thatringboy]

A Body Built for an Undeserving Soul, A Boothill Theory

My definitely sober thoughts while grinding for the eventual Ruan Mei rerun and writing some robinhill have led me to a startling train of thought. I’ll do my best to sound sane as I say this, but the 18 minute discord voice memo I originally made is definitely anything but. Spoilers for Boothill’s backstory, character stories, and other lore, and no I’m not really gonna be citing things because it’s 3 in the morning and I’m high. If at any point I say something that isn’t really supported by canon, please be nice i’m a little silly boy

Anyways

I don’t think Boothill is a Pathstrider.

Let me cook, please. Here’s my reasons why:

The way he talks about Aeons and Paths

The way his body is designed

And 3.

Enjoy the madness below the cut

So, there’s not really a proper way to word any of this without it being an ADHD word vomit. Bear with me. Please.

Penacony has been a fantastic update for those of us waiting for worldbuilding. We’ve learned a LOT about the many factions in the cosmos, the true nature of the IPC, the powers of the Aeons, and that the Paths are tangible things in the universe. The Luofu arc opened up a bit about this, but since it was so focused on The Hunt and The Abundance and The Permanence, we sort of fell back into the same story beats as the Herta Station arc. Either way, Penacony has been amazing for little lore bugs like me.

So what does this have to do with the wild claim that Boothill somehow isn’t a Pathstrider?

Let’s touch some grass for a minute and consider our places in the irl universe. Hi, I’m Perseus, a young transmasculine white adult guy from South Texas who grew up reading too many Rick Riordan books and now has a complicated relationship with both the christian god and the greek gods. It’s an autism special interest of mine to learn about the greek pantheon and while I don’t know everything about it, I’m a silly little guy and can recite fun facts about dozens of gods. I can also recite fun facts about the christian bible and christian mythology because I was forced to study christianity when I was younger. Nice to meet y’all. Now, when I, Perseus, talk to people about the various religions I know a thing or two about, I infodump. A lot. I think I once ranted about Dionysus for 20 minutes before my sister told me to shut up. It happens.

Now focus back in on the important topic: the fictional cyborg with jiggle physics. I’m working purely on memory, but I’m pretty sure when he first meets Dan Heng and Pom-Pom, he does go on a spiel about the Aeons and Paths as he tries to prove his identity as a Galaxy Ranger and Acheron’s identity as Not a Galaxy Ranger. The way he describes The Hunt, The Nihility, Emanators, and Paths, it all just sounded… i don’t know, canned? It came across as very emotionally disconnected, even as he talked about The Hunt, but he was saying all the right words. Like someone who studied a religion but isn’t actually a part of the religion. 

On its own, this means absolutely nothing besides just reminding us of his home planet’s hostile takeover by Qlipoth-worshiping IPC workers. If you haven’t seen the post yet, I really recommend reading the So, Honkai: Star Rail made a cyborg cowboy... an INDIGENOUS cyborg cowboy. post by @ahworm I’ll link it here, please check it out because it recontextualized a lot of how I viewed Boothill’s actions and mannerisms

So the way Boothill talks about the Path he should be a Pathstrider of sounds more like an encyclopedia than a follower. Now, maybe this can be explained by the fact that Galaxy Rangers aren’t the most zealous bunch, especially when standing next to the Xianzhou Alliance who worship Lan as a deity more than The Hunt itself. The Galaxy rangers are the opposite, they are hunters first and last regardless of what Lan in THEIR “greatness” does.

But if Boothill is just a normal Galaxy ranger (whatever that means), then how does he recognize the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath instantaneously? Dan Heng’s barely put the damn thing on the table and Boothill’s already jaw on the floor amazed. One could make the argument that, well, Boothill’s a well-traveled guy, of course he’d know the most valuable artifact to his Path. To that, I say: there’s more to it.

Boothill’s main accusation against Acheron in the beginning is, what? “An Emanator that shouldn’t exist.” He talks about The Nihility and Device IX the same way he talks about The Hunt; learned and detached in an agnostic way. He’s aware these are real concepts and beings, he’s crossed paths with an Emanator of Elation before so he can’t deny the existence of literal gods in the universe

We also know that it’s canon in the star rail universe that there are planets who haven’t heard of the Aeons before, like Sigonia - Aventurine’s planet. Instead of Aeons, we know the Avgins worshiped the goddess Giathra Triclops. I’ve seen the argument that Giathra is just another name for Xipe since THEY have three faces, but Aventurine’s flashbacks are very clear in showing that the worship of Giathra was very different from the worship of Aeons. We don’t know much about Aeragan-Epharshel, but from how the IPC described the indigenous people as needing civilization and other disgusting things (not to mention how they forced a synesthesia beacon into boothill when he was maybe like a teenager? And then his brain nearly broke from the influx of information?), I think it’s safe to say that the tribes of Aeragan-Epharshel also didn’t follow any specific Aeon.

But Aventurine is now a Pathstrider of Preservation, so why can’t Boothill be a Hunter Pathstrider too? Well, dear reader, allow me to bash my head against the wall trying to form words. Aventurine doesn’t believe anything about the sovereignty of The Preservation, just like the rest of the Stonehearts. He has his agenda, and if he has to play Preservation to do so, then he will. I think Boothill is the same, which is also why I can’t wait to see what happens in the upcoming quests with the two of them in the same room. That being said, Aventurine’s Preservation powers only come from his Cornerstone, crafted by an Emanator of Preservation. It’s how he and Topaz and Jade can all be such different people but all be classified as Pathstriders of Preservation, the sheer proximity to an Emanator’s powers canonically give them powers equivalent to actual Pathstriders.

So… what about Boothil? This leads me into my next point: Boothill’s cyborg body. By looking at his Character Story Part 3, we learn that Boothill VOLUNTARILY became a cyborg to become stronger. He literally shed the skin and name from an ancient, dead tongue to become a real loaded gun. His voice lines in combat talk about death a lot, his name literally is in reference to a graveyard - this man cannot wait to finally die in some sort of blaze of glory and vengeance. I say that with a little bit of sarcasm, but Boothill designed his body to be a weapon. 

In a lot of parts of the USA, it’s illegal to even insinuate that you have a firearm as that constitutes as the crime of  “armed robbery”, even if you don’t even have a gun. The threat alone is enough to warrant a higher penalty. But Boothill is already a great shot with a gun, why does he also need augmented teeth and crosshair eyes and hips that can fold his body into any sinful shape he needs? Because the threat alone is enough to give him power over his prey. Almost as if he’s compensating for a lack of magic godly powers. He needs to be able to keep up with even the strongest IPC goons, to pierce their Preservation shields with his bullets so that he can get closer and closer to Oswaldo Schneider.

But how can I prove that Boothill doesn’t have any Path magic? Well, let’s take a spin around his character model. What’s that thing sitting snugly against his exposed asscheek? His pistol? But that’s not weird, Perseus, most cowboys hold their guns there!

But what other playable character has their weapon on their actual model like him?

There are so many in-game cutscenes showing that, canonically, the Pathstriders summon their weapon from some sort of unseen storage or hammerspace. I like the term hammerspace, let’s use that. The playable Pathstriders all use hammerspace to easily summon their weapons. None of them actually carry their weapons on their model. Even Welt Yang has scenes of him summoning his herrscher cane (I’ve never played hi3 please forgive me for using incorrect terms) from his hammerspace. But not Boothill. He has his arm gun and he has his trusty 9 millimeter pistol on his little slutty hip. His idle animations involve reloading his weapons and putting them back on his person. No particle effects, no vanishing tricks, just a man sticking his tongue out to catch a bullet for a snack.

So what have we learned?

Boothill doesn’t have an emotional connection to his Path, it most likely is just the Path he figured met his needs and decided the philosophy was good enough

Boothill’s body is designed to perform specifically to kill Pathstriders, especially sturdier Pathstriders of The Preservation

Boothill either can’t or won’t use the same hammerspace the other canonical Pathstriders use

Each point by themself means nothing, or can be chalked up to unique character designs. But together? My intoxicated mind theorizes that Boothill is not a Pathstrider, merely a broken man trying to play the game according to the rules of the oppressors that colonized his planet and bombed his tribe into reservations and the dirt. Thank you for your time.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not noticing I hurt my friend's feelings?

I (24F) had a somewhat close friend (24F) whom I've known since highschool but only got closer to recently. I've had a friend crush on her forever and apparently she did too. We share a lot of interests and we're both neurodivergent (I'm diagnosed with adhd, and we're almost certain she has autism). We also sort of bonded over a shared trauma -- basically we got two-timed several years ago by a really abusive asshole.

Anyway something happened a couple of months ago and I feel our friendship has gone downhill since then. It was multiple occasions really: what would happen is that I would say something impulsively, and she would misinterpret it and get sensitive about it, we talk it out, I apologize, and we move on. But one time it was a bit too much that i burst into tears while texting her because I felt I really hurt her and I felt that all my friendships will go downhill because whenever I get comfortable with someone I just completely lose my filter and end up hurting them. What happened that day was that we were hanging out and a guy apparently told her something sexist but I didn't hear him. She came to me to complain and I sort of brushed it off because from the way she said it happened it just seemed he was vaguely pointing out something but I later understood that I was just wrong. Then her dress had a tiny hole which I pointed out to her in front of my boyfriend rather impulsively and she got really upset about that. Later on I was telling her about a book I'd read that had great autism representation that didn't have the character just be -- and here I did the dinosaur arms thing (no offense whatsoever to people who do that; I know full well it's a common thing, I was just saying the character had more to him than just that). The problem is that she didn't hear the part where I was talking about a book character because we were changing tables in a crowded cafe and I was just talking non-stop because that's what I do and she thought I just did the dinosaur arms out of nowhere and got offended but didn't say so except over text later and just looked unwell for the rest of the next half hour before she suddenly excused herself and left. That day she texted me about all of these things and we talked it out and I pretended that I was not literally having a meltdown all while apologizing (but not before I tried to plead my case a bit). This all happened on the same day, but before that there were other occasions too. One time she would be talking about something, then I change the subject, then she'd say I know you didn't mean to but I wanted you to give a reply to what I just said. Another time we had a particularly bad exam which I did okay on, but she was telling about how she botched it. I couldn't tell from her face how serious it was and I gave her what i thought was a sympathetic smile (which she later told me was a weird smile) because I really didn't know what to say and then turned away to look for my boyfriend to check on him as well. She told me that day that she felt that I brushed her off when she was having a difficult time and didn't console her enough.

It's just multiple things that made me feel that I need to be more on guard around her for her sake. She moved to another city recently and even before that we were texting less and less. I even asked her if she was upset about the cafe day and she said no since I apologized and we talked it out, but I could feel something in our relationship changed. It just felt like such a shame because I felt a great connection between us and I have massive difficulties when it comes to making friends. She was sort of my last friend that I felt close to aside from my boyfriend, and now I can't help thinking that the problem has always been me.

Sorry if the post was too long and sorry for the sob story lol

[skibasyndrome]

-(As we saw in season 3) Wille enjoys lifting Simon up whenever he has the chance and Simon loves it even though he gets embarrassed

-Simon is a late sleeper/sleeps in while Wille falls asleep easily and wakes up early

-Nerdy Simon (video games, cartoons, planets, etc)

-Simon is a scribbler/doodler and it helps him concentrate while studying (a semi-headcanon is that he also has adhd like Sara) and Wille likes watching him scribble and cuts out his favourite ones to keep in a scrapbook

-Wille learns to bake something new for Simon every few weeks

-Simon cleans the floor, Wille dusts (cos Simon can't reach the tall places). They bond over washing dishes and folding clothes together.

-Simon doesn't mind singing in front of people but gets shy in front of cameras

-Simon secretly loves Wille with a beard and is disappointed whenever he shaves. Wille hates whenever Simon gets a haircut

-Simon tries to hide whenever he's sick or not in a good place mentally but Wille notices every time

-Wille likes it when Simon is a little fussy

-Simon needs glasses but takes a while to admit it and Wille thinks it's cute (+ Wille is a sucker for Simon in glasses)

That's all I can come up with right now, might write more later 😁

anon ily 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is saving me, this is everything

Wille lifting Simon!!! Oh I bet Simon loves acting grumpy, but he's not immune against the way Wille beams at him whenever he lifts him. i LOVE

hehehehehe their sleeping schedule line up nicely so Wille can spend some time in the morning watching Simon 🥰

oh god, nerdy Simon my beloved 😭 oh I need to see more of him, he's so baby

Wille watching simon scribble!!! oh he's so in love!!! simon draws frogs for wille 💜 also 👀 simon having adhd 👀 I'm listening!! (not only because A4A wilmon bc i headcanon wille as autistic)

Wille baking 😭 oh i bet he makes a mean banana bread 😭 he's also the type of guy who sees a way too complicated recipe on tiktok and goes "I'm learning that" (and then he does!)

Wille dusting because Simon can't reach is so!!!!!

you SO are onto something!!! that feels soooo Simon, of course he doesn't mind the audience, but yeah, I bet cameras are just a touch too much

hhhhh now I'm imagining Simon getting obsessed with brushing his fingers over Wille's stubble whenever he hasn't shaved in a bit 😭 oh that is a fic waiting to happen. and omfg of course, I can so see Wille get a little 😕 whenever the curls are too short. because we know our boy is obsessed

hnnngggggg Wille just. coaxing Simon's worries out of him 😭 what if I cry

OH BIG BRAIN OMG I think I've never seen a Simon glasses headcanon??? but that's so cute?!?!?!?!?! oh Wille would MELT, I love it so muuuuch

thank you for brightening my day, dearest anon 💜💜💜

hmu with wilmon thoughts, scenarios, headcanons, opinions etc <3

[roleplayfinder]

[ he him, 21, queer bipoc, 21+ only!! ]

alright so.. this is gonna be a lil long winded, but pls bare w me LMAO desperately looking for jayvik (jayce x viktor) from arcane, specifically someone to write jayce against my viktor. i have been completely taken over by them once again. i’ve finished s2 and would prefer you did as well!

am also looking to write ekko against someone’s vi cause i’m so sad their siblinghood bond wasn’t expanded on, Or any others really (small note: Please no timebomb or caitlyn defenders, even tho i do root for caitvi)!! now.. i would Kill for some ezko (ezreal x ekko) for those familiar with league of legends lore too!

now here’s a bit of what to expect with me!

my replies will most likely be slow and sporadic. i’m getting back into the groove of things after some extensive burnout, so still recovering! plus life and adhd makes it tougher to be consistent. so please please be patient and understanding and i will of course extend the same graces to you!

even tho my replies may take long i still enjoy chatting ooc!! esp gushing abt our rps and the characters and all that, love doing that shit

i write in 3rd person! and alongside slow inconsistent reply times, for the same reasons mentioned, my reply lengths my differ and may be semi-lit at best at times too, so sorry in advance. usually tho, i default to novella length

i prefer to write on discord with tupperbox!

love angst, grit and (to an extent) darker themes, but i’m the type where i need the comfort/happiness to come in eventually or it’ll destroy me LMAO and while not Required, would like some nsfw/erp involvement too

absolutely no proship shit whatsoever, zero tolerance.

as for plots.. i don’t have any specific things in mind so i’d love to brainstorm it out or hear whatever u got! i do dig “modern au” plots but i am down for nearly anything tbh. i miss these boys soo much it’s not even funny, the rot is BAD.

[ if u got thru all of that then ur a real one… if you’re interested, please hmu on discord @ argennthill !!! ]

argennthill

[tired-aliensoul]

Finally got to hangout with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. It was nice getting to shoot the shit and cruise dirt roads in the Jeep.

It’s hard to get us both on the same social cycle, especially since we do tend to see Cory’s friends (our friends) fairly often if not nearly weekly, not to mention FIL living with us, plus working three long days a week, my social battery is often tapped

Her life is also busy with the various things that tap her battery as well.

We share location because 1) she gets lost driving sometimes and I can help navigate from afar when that happens and 2) we both enjoy stalking each other’s location when we think about each other.

I noticed she was home, so on a whim, as I have done before, I called her up and we made plans! It was so nice to see her. I’ve been needing physical contact with the people that I consider family lately, and as someone who really doesn’t enjoy touch, craving a hug means I’m in need of feeling stable. (Trust me it’s not from a lack of touch from Cory, I get exactly what I need from him all the time, I just crave people sometimes). I got out of the Jeep for both a hello and goodbye hug. She’s a physical contact girly so she was thrilled lol

Another friend got a job at the same place as me just in a different department so I’ve been getting to see her near weekly and that makes me so happy. She’s one that isolates really easily and forgets to respond to things a lot. Seeing her in person so often now puts me much more at ease and has brought us closer.

Evan (longest female friend) is moving back to the area, Jack (ultimate bestie aka my longest friend in general) moved back to the area about a year ago now I think. It’s been so nice having him close. My family is coming home and I couldn’t be more excited about it and the timing.

My brother is reaching out to me more. Which means I’m reaching out a little more as well. I’ve always put him first in an unhealthy, protect the younger sibling way that hurt our relationship more than helped, but he’s come to respect me in our adulthood. Being a parental figure growing up and dealing with punishing behavior does not equate to sibling love and we’ve struggled with our relationships since he broke up with the girlfriend that was trying to replace me in the family (long story). The last few years have really been better for us.

My dad and I can’t get too close. I’ve realized she gets jealous, and that’s when she really blows up. When my father and I get along and are bonding over things. I’m not sure if he can talk about me to my mom currently. It seems as if I’m not brought up. That’s fine. He’s not bugging me to talk with her like he did the last time I took a break from her. Years ago. Before the seizures. Before I thought she changed.

Cory told me, “this is why we focus on friends. They’re more like family, anyways.” That couldn’t be more true. We know we can call on our friends in times of need. They can call on us.

Just a final note. I struggle to accept being liked by a friend’s parents. I refuse to get close to anyone else’s parents. Always have. Parents terrify me, anxiety sparks. I wasn’t good enough for my own parents so why would I be good enough for my friends’?

But…there is one set of parents that we see regularly that Cory has knows for soooo long, they love him like a son and have been so welcoming to me. I told her she could be grandma. I’ll let my kids call her grandma or whatever name she wants to be called. She likes my adhd brain and we can just bullshit while at their isolated house. She hates going into town to be near people. She’s retired and happy. She’s the energy I want around my kids. A ball of light. Unhinged at times but not menacingly. She welcomed me so easily.

Anyways, I’m just rambling because the thoughts need out. If you’ve read this far, thank you 🫶🏼

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Lee is re-watching Sherlock for some fucking reason - Season One

I'm well aware that the crossover between "currently popular and loved British comedian in the US updates, thirst, and accoutrements" and "BBC show that went so off the rails that people now like to pretend Andrew Scott's breakout role was the Hot Priest in Fleabag" is limited, but weirdly, returning to Sherlock was one of the few things that was keeping my brain somewhat grounded and whirring during Work Hell.

We're in uncharted territory here. You're gonna learn a bit about the things I do when I'm not tracking John Oliver obsessively. I am nervous about this but hey, I'm guessing most of you knew I don't solely live and breathe John Oliver. (I know. I have multitudes. This is a shocking revelation. Please take time to process it.)

Firstly, a content note - there's going to be discussion about queerbaiting and queercoding villains, and the beginning of this goes into some of James Somerton's absolutely disgusting claims about the AIDS crisis. This post will only be focused on Season One, as that's all I've finished at this point.

Let's go.

(above image sourced from Writing Tips and Memes)

My sudden re-emergent hyperfixation started because of the hbomberguy takedown of James Somerton, weirdly. I don't follow many YouTubers - I like Bright Sun Films because he goes urban exploring, something I've always wanted to do but have never managed to make happen, and also Todd in the Shadows, whose Trainwreckords series is very well-done and expertly researched. Seeing that name, you might know where this is going. Todd dropped a video about James Somerton, who I had never fucking heard of and now wish I'd known about before, so I could scream bloody murder about what an absolute fuckwad he is.

(I don't want to get too in the weeds here, but the things James asserted about WWII, Nazis, and the AIDS crisis are so vehemently offensive that I'm still struggling with them. Claiming that only boring gays survived the AIDS crisis in particular is so vile that I have gotten anger flashes thinking about it almost daily since hearing it.)

Todd recommended watching all four hours of the hbomberguy plagiarism video, and I ran that in the background while working about two weeks ago. Eventually I had to stop doing that because the plagiarism revelations were so distracting and shocking. Todd's video was even more of a goddamn mindfuck, and even the smaller, less offensive things have taken up far too much space in my brain. Californians, does anyone at all deify Bob Iger??? Like... what the goddamn fuck??? Bob Iger????

After watching one hbomberguy video, the algorithm did its thing, and gave me a video called "Sherlock is Garbage and Here's Why". Posting it here for posterity:

Because my brain works in mysterious ways (-cough-ADHD-cough-), watching this... made me want to rewatch Sherlock.

I initially saw Sherlock for the first time thanks to someone I met in my last year of college, 2012. At the time, Michael (a nickname) was my neighbor in the dorms; over the past ten years, she's become one of my closest friends and a true rock in my life. One of the first things we bonded over that I introduced her to was the San Francisco Giants and the ghost I will always be chasing, Tim Lincecum; one of the first things we bonded over that she introduced me to was BBC Sherlock. The show was in the early months of its extended hiatus after Season Two, at the height of its fandom, and we were both completely obsessed. I read all the Doyle stories, took in a truly wild amount of fanfiction, wrote a not-very-popular AU fic, became part of a strange inter-dorm ARG based on Sherlock orchestrated by Michael... it consumed a huge part of our lives.

When Season 3 dropped, I almost stopped watching after "The Empty Hearse". I don't want to get into why it offended me so much before we get to a Season 3 post, but just know my enthusiasm severely dampened there. The rest of Season 3 I think of with blase emotions, especially the ending, which I found just dumb, save one part of it. I recall going to see The Abominable Bride in theatres with my mom (and maybe Michael?), and I think I liked it fine - aside, again, from the ending. But I had no interest in a Season Four, and when it dropped, Michael's long rambling phone calls describing the absolute shitstorm of a plot cemented that I was never going to watch it again.

Until now.

I definitely don't think the hbomberguy video is perfect. His insistence that Doyle canon never had Holmes pull answers to cases out of his ass is... something, lol, as is his opinion that changing the solution to certain puzzles in A Study in Pink disrespects the original canon. (Bro, these stories have been retold a bajillion times, they need to mix it up to keep it interesting.) But he put a finger on something that I'd wrestled with regarding Sherlock for a long time - that the show's writing often teased something big and new and conclusive in the horizon, but almost never delivered. That wasn't an issue in early days when there was less invested in an increasingly convoluted mythic story, or when they weren't fully blowing off the resolutions to cliffhangers, but the flaw in writing a story where you promise something huge on the horizon and never deliver should be obvious.

The first season doesn't trade much in that idea, and going back to it was something I found exceptionally enjoyable!

Before I watched:

I remembered bits and pieces of "A Study in Pink" and the whole plot in summary.

I truly didn't remember anything about "The Blind Banker" except that I found it fairly 'yellow peril'-y when I saw it in 2012.

I mixed up huge chunks of Season Two's "A Scandal in Belgravia" with "The Great Game" in my head and somehow forgot the main plot thrust was Moriarty kidnapping people and strapping bombs to them.

I genuinely forgot Sebastian Moran was a character basically hallucinated into existence by the fandom and didn't appear in the show at all until a brief appearance in Season Three.

In a way, it was like I was watching the show for the first time all over again. My partner also watched the first season with me, and it was interesting to get his thoughts on the show as we watched.

To start, his favorite character is Mycroft. Watching Season One, I had to agree that Mycroft has a depth of character that I'd forgotten about. Mark Gatiss plays him perfectly, aloof and smarter than you but unsure of how to deal with his natural feelings of concern and fear for his oft-spiraling, danger-seeking younger brother - and how those feelings magnify with the influence of extreme danger-seeker (at least in this season) John Watson. The show wants you to believe so badly that he's Moriarty in "A Study in Pink", which I don't think works even if you know he isn't Moriarty - there's a warmth to Gatiss' Mycroft that, even while he's doing incredibly ominous things like shutting off all cameras in a busy intersection, still comes through.

My favorite character is Moriarty. I haven't mentioned this very much here, because why would I, but my favorite character type in media is "theatrical abject shithead". It's why I cosplay Bakugo from My Hero Academia and loved everything about Akechi in Persona 5. Hell when I was a kid, I told teachers that when I grew up, I wanted to join Team Rocket. I love the theatrical shitheads. And boy, is Moriarty some sort of theatrical shithead. I don't DISAGREE with hbomberguy pointing out that, as written, Moriarty is a complete mess of a character, a queer-coded literal terrorist with no motivations besides "I did that because I'M CRAAAAZY!"... but he's my queer-coded literal terrorist, ok? I could write a whole paper on all the harmful stereotypes inhabiting this version of Moriarty... but I can't deny that the flamboyance and violence pulsing just beneath the surface of Andrew Scott's performance was the beating heart of that show for me. Sure, Sherlock and John, at least early on, were a compelling duo, but the show was at its best with Moriarty pulling strings for inexplicable reasons in the background. I love him.

(An aside: watching Sherlock made me remember how hilarious it was to see basically every major actor from the show in one of my favorite movies of all time, 1917, to the point that I actually kinda laughed in the theatre thinking about it.)

The entirety of the first season also is more devoted to actual crime-solving and detective work than I remembered the show being. I think that works strongly in its favor, and as I recall things from later seasons, drifting from that element definitely hampers the show greatly. In particular, while the lazy and uncomfortable Orientalism of "The Blind Banker" is still incredibly glaring, the actual mystery at the core of it is very excitingly tracked and easily followed while watching. The fact that John is treated like an equal (mostly) throughout only enhances my thoughts on that. "The Great Game" is a little more slapdash (and hurt by the fact that the entire Vermeer section would be solvable with a smartphone nowadays), but you can still make connections mentally with most of the cases and deduction/investigation is being shown logically. (hbomberguy cites the Golem as a problematic logical leap akin to some of Season Two's dumbest, and I can't agree. It's a reasonable suspension of disbelief to assume Sherlock knows about assassins and is followed by some more sensible investigation and inspection of the Golem's victim. The sequence of Sherlock fighting the Golem, however, is very, very silly.)

Related to that... the autopsy doctors on this show are fucking AWFUL at their jobs. Like straight-up negligently awful. How in the actual fuck did they not investigate the puncture marks on Connie Price's body? How did they not notice a highly distinctive heel tattoo on three recently-murdered corpses? Is Molly the only vaguely competent person in the mortuary? My partner and I were extremely amused that, while Lestrade and his police force are thankfully shown with much more intelligence than in other Holmes adaptations and BBC!Watson wouldn't think jam is a clue, the writers seem to have shunted the stupidity straight to the invisible autopsy doctors.

The first season also does a good job of making Sherlock seem like an overly intelligent if socially stunted human being, instead of the condescending prickish intellectual Ubermensch he ends up becoming as the show progresses. "A Study in Pink"'s ending being Sherlock throwing aside his deduction of the cabbie's killer when he realizes it's Watson, unconvincingly lying to Lestrade and insisting he's in shock before rejoining the other man and genuinely bonding with him, is remarkably compelling as fulfillment of a promise we get from Lestrade earlier in the episode - "Sherlock Holmes is a great man. One day he may even be a good one." My memory is admittedly faulty, but part of why "The Empty Hearse" turned me off so viscerally was Sherlock's (and to an extent, Mycroft's) insufferable growing smugness, particularly where explaining plans or mysteries to John. We get told often that Watson humanizes Sherlock and that the two have a strong bond throughout the series, but Sherlock gets much more dickish in general as the series progresses. One thing I do remember with stark clarity is that after being utterly chastised at a Christmas party in "A Scandal in Belgravia", Sherlock does visibly treat Molly MUCH better throughout the remainder of the show. So, uh, why did we lose that energy with the show's central pairing?

Speaking of the show's central pairing, the queerbaiting starts SO EARLY on this show. I want to make it clear that obviously the benefit of hindsight and knowledge of how the show ends really colors a lot about the Johnlock relationship now, and as a society, we're more aware of what queerbaiting is and what it looks like, which will obviously alter how I perceive these interactions now. I also want to make it clear that I never really shipped Johnlock outside of just kind of assuming that it would be canon because everyone seemed really convinced of it. (I was an absolute degenerate that shipped John with Moriarty. On top of enjoying theatrical disasters, I enjoy ships with an abundance of chaos and impossibility.) There's some biases at play here.

Even so, we are not far into the episode where John is protesting that obviously he needs a second bed in 221B to Mrs. Hudson, he's not gay! The scene in the restaurant has such an aggressively shippy energy to it (despite Watson's consistent denials) that I actively commented on it to my partner as it was happening, saying "the queerbaiting happens WAY SOONER than I thought!" It's distracting and has aged absolutely terribly. The worst by far is John quipping, after being removed from a bomb vest at a pool in "The Great Game", that people will talk because of Sherlock ripping his clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. Why is Watson's heterosexuality so fragile that he's thinking about gossip rags as he's actively recovering from a near-death experience?!

(Aside: I'm aware that last point is not as effective when you think about the fact that I shipped two characters whose sole canonical interaction was one man kidnapping and forcing the other into a bomb vest. In my defense, a) I love mess and b) John never quips about thinking people will talk because he got kidnapped.)

Moriarty's first appearance in "The Great Game" sees him as Molly's fake boyfriend slipping a phone number to Sherlock, which lead to my partner commenting about how distracting it also was, on top of the queerbaiting, that almost every single person on the show has some sort of deep metaphysical attraction to Sherlock. Those people aren't on the lighting and cinematography team for sure; Benedict Cumberbatch is lit ominously and sometimes demonically throughout the first season, highlighting his antihero and brusque nature effectively. But many, many characters in the show - just in season one, Molly, Moriarty, multiple characters of the day, the Cabbie, and John - are all drawn to Sherlock and his very special brain and his very sharp cheekbones. Signs of a big future problem come through in this way, where the show starts sidelining Watson as our central figure and puts Sherlock squarely at the center of everyone's universe and makes lesbians fall in love with him.

(My partner also laughed pretty hard at how obvious Moriarty's pratfalls were as Molly's boyfriend, noting that the show was pretty bad at hiding who Moriarty was every time it came up.)

Some of the seeds of Sherlock's destruction are sown in this first season, obviously. The big one I haven't touched on is the ending cliffhanger itself. Moriarty has John and Sherlock trapped in the pool, tens of sniper sights trained on them, and says that he can't let them escape. Amazing cliffhanger here! It is not fulfilled on at all, but because Andrew Scott can carry anything on his back (including Spectre, which I cannot start talking about because we'll be here all day), the scene doesn't feel like a total waste and makes you want to hang on to find out what happens later.

But there was so much here that was delightful. All the acting is uniformly excellent, and the overt physical tics that come to define Sherlock's mind palace and mental prowess being showcased are barely evident here. The actual detective work, like I said earlier, is really involving! I don't feel like I figured out the solutions for the mysteries I couldn't recall the answers for too easily and thought Sherlock's deductive reason largely followed and wasn't too obscure. I'm still such a sucker for the show's style - that opening credits sequence is so perfectly put together, the text messages that interact with the scene and at the time made this show feel so fresh and modern to me, filming the character's faces in taxis through panes of glass and obscuring material in "A Study in Pink" to give everything an obfuscating sheen... give me all of it.

The music, too, was something I'd forgotten about and truly ended up adoring. Taskmaster (and The Horne Section's score for it) really owes a debt to Michael Price and David Arnold. So much of Sherlock's score could probably be dropped straight into a Taskmaster episode and I would have to think pretty hard to notice a difference in the show's usual musical palette. I've been eyeballing the vinyl on eBay, to give you an idea of how much I love this score. "The Game is On" is a perfect piece of music, clockwork spinning noises emphasizing the jauntiness of Sherlock as he drags Watson on his latest case before sliding into the more subdued, vaguely ominous thrum of its second movement descending into the madness of the third part, violins shrieking as the action reaches its apex.

Normally, with such a degree of pleasant surprise, I'd be eager to move forward to Season Two. Unfortunately, I know the first episode of Season Two is... a doozy. To say the least. A doozy that may get its own essay because of how doozy-ish it is.

In any case, I ended up really enjoying going back to Season One of Sherlock! Super down to talk further about the show, future write-ups, and my horrible taste in fictional ships and men - shoot me a message, reply to this post, wherever, I'll be here! <3

[starry-skies-116]

My AU Synopsis for the main trio + June and Fowler: Jackson Darby: 16 yrs. Neurodivergent, Intersex ADHD Queer Black Pakistani-American kid from Brooklyn when he moved to Jasper Nevada at five, socially ostracized. bi as FUCK and not even subtle about it. dead father at seven lost due to illness and is being raised by his single mother June has a little drone friend named Emily for max gay adventurer scientist chaos energy. Huge fan of a show called Celestial Odyssey, side passion for music and gaming (bonds with Raf over it). Gains way too many parental figures over the course of the series. Hacked into the Pentagon at ten years old on a dare.

Miko Nakadai: 16 yrs. Heir apparent to Nakadai Industries. Short petite Japanese-American jock girl with slightly toned muscles that can actually send you to the gulag if you fought her. Was in multiple sports clubs and took Shaolin classes. Youngest daughter of a rich family of three other siblings and a lot of extended family back in Japan with a controlling immigrant businessman father, mood disorder af while dealing with the aftermath of generational trauma and a dysfunctional family. Has two older siblings that are both twins, older sister is Himeko and older brother is Sora. Himeko and Sora are both 18. Is the champion of multiple street brawls. Has gotten into many street-fights and fights at school. Secretly a nerd too, so it makes sense that she'd fall for the nerd.

Rafael Esquivel: 12 yrs. White, Italian-Cuban American, from a huge family. Basically near-blind without his glasses. Skipped a couple of grades due to his talents in IT and hacking, and regrets it immensely now due to the burnt-out gifted kid spiral that he's going through. goes to the same high school as Jackson and Miko, and nobody takes him or his decisions seriously since he's younger than the rest. being the youngest is hard honestly-

June Darby: 37 yrs. African American woman, passed down her broader and curvier physique to her intersex son (of whom's also genderqueer and bi as FUCK omg). M-spec, male-leaning. Learns about the Autobots later on and about the work her son does and the wonderful family and life he's building for himself, and instantly allies herself with them the moment she does. Quit her big-shot engineer job and became a mechanic just to be able to be home take care of her son. automatically adopts everyone else. best friends with Optimus Prime and Fowler naturally. she'd give the sun and moon and stars and universe and galaxies and planets and nebulas and black holes and MORE for her babies and our blood and all of us LIVE to see it. Closeted nerd and neurodivergent as well. (oh and btw Mama Darby once called Team Prime a more affectionate/familial nickname in French and the familial love +2 modifier was too much for them once their processors translated it and they understood what it and the connotations meant. Bumblebee was trying so hard not to break out into tears while Arcee was struggling to hold back a smile)

William Fowler: 35-37 yrs. Black American. Grew up in Detroit. Knew Jackson's father from his time in the army- they were both best friends. FBI agent and government personnel. Stern and no-nonsense authority figure at first, strict yet disciplined, takes it upon himself to be one of many Jackson's 'older sibling' figures that he gains. he and the kids both fight a lot but they are literally a package deal so do not separate anyways. HUGE cat-person, bonds with Miko over it. Actually really likes Emily because the drone behaves like an affectionate and excited puppy who's just happy to be there. He and June work together from the time she finds out the 'truth' to co-parent her son and his friends and to support them and the Autobots in all of their missions.

[monokuma-apologist]

Such a random and rambling post, but I got the three mainline Danganronpa games for Christmas.

I had already experienced them all prior to that, however I had done that with my sister / using her copies of the games. As well as this, I have at this moment only ever seen the THH anime and listened to a playthrough of the game (my sister was just excited for GD, LOLOL). So, since I wanted to play it for real anyways and just got it, I’ve been having my mom play through it with me.

Usually, to scratch this want-to-share-my-interest itch, I’d infodump to my friend, but…

I lost my best and at-the-time only close / similarly geeky friend earlier this year. (She’s alive, don’t worry! The context? I was conditioned by her for years into being co-dependent, and then abandoned by her for being co-dependent..with her definition of “co-dependent” being me wanting her to spend any sort of time with me. 😬. But that’s a story for my currently-horrified-on-my-behalf therapist to unpack!)

My interest in this franchise was initially a coping mechanism to distract myself from that situation (I had decided to redirect my energy into these games, since it was something I was bonding with my sister over!). It was a double-edged sword, though- that friend and I used to share all of our interests with each other, and though she’d never humor me by playing the games (understandable in a vacuum, saddening when combined with the fact that she would rarely humor me with anything) she’d usually let me ramble about the things I loved about the game, and occasionally would get very secondhand invested. So with her gone, I missed that.

Hence- this playthrough with my mom!

When I tell you how much this has meant to me-

First of all, she’s remembered the names / controls (she doesn’t usually play games like this in her free time, and aside from us watching Spy x Family together she doesn’t engage with anime or anything like that) and yesterday we played for a few hours- so I like to imagine she’s genuinely interested.

It’s also been nice to see how much I’ve progressed with my mental health. Even just last year, I would get so embarrassed to share anything I liked with anybody (to be fair, some reasons were not related to my mental health, but still). But now I’m doing the voices while I read out the lines (it’s part of the experience. I’m simply honoring my sister’s traditions) and having fun with it.

This would be so inconceivable for me not that long ago… So personal progress! That’s a big deal! (For context I have diagnosed OCD / Major Depressive Disorder, suspected anxiety disorder / ADHD, and multiple siblings with ASD and plenty of suspicious that I’ve got that as well. And don’t worry about the MDD thing, that’s something that actually hasn’t been an issue recently! Turns out things do get better?? Wha-wha-WHAT?! But yeah, these sorts of things cause a lot of trouble for me socially, which sucks, but AGAIN! PROGRESS!!! Heck, someone told me to off myself earlier this year- as many of you know- and I was…fine! Sorry for the tangent…I’m proud, and that message always makes me giggle to think about).

More importantly though it’s meant a lot to me just from a love-language sorta standpoint. The fact that she’s willing to play through this game that isn’t really her normal cup of tea with me, just because she knows I like it. (Let’s add in the fact, too, that she consistently communicated with my sister to figure out what sorta Danganronpa stuff to get me for Christmas).

I dunno! Such a random post, I know, but it’s meant a lot to me, and it’s been fun!

Just wanted to share. It makes me happy :)