#while i understand getting overwhelmed and appreciate the apology for months at a time of no contact

[iamgonnagetyouback]

𝟷𝚔 || 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄

♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Sirius's worst nightmare comes true when both you and Remus get your time of the months together.

♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None

♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: Wolfstar x Reader

Sirius paced back and forth in the small living room, his fingers raking through his long hair, muttering under his breath. He could hear you and Remus in the bedroom, murmuring, laughing, then suddenly going quiet—an eerie calm before the next storm. He winced, thinking about the past few days of chaos.

You were on your period, and Remus was nearing the full moon. Mood swings? More like a tsunami of emotions, and Sirius was caught right in the middle.

He glanced at the bedroom door, half-expecting one of you to storm out, shouting at him for some unknown reason, or worse—crying uncontrollably over something he didn’t even understand. It had been like this all week.

"Merlin, what am I supposed to do?" Sirius whispered dramatically to the air. He grabbed his phone and dialed James’s number.

“Pads? What’s going on, mate?” James answered, sounding cheery.

“They're driving me mad!” Sirius whispered harshly. “Y/N’s got her period, and Remus is so close to the full moon he’s practically howling, and they’re both—both insane! I swear, James, they’re like… like pregnant women! And I’m in the middle of it all!”

James chuckled, but Sirius wasn’t amused.

“It’s not funny!” Sirius snapped. “I don’t know whether they’re going to shout at me or cry or smother me in affection! Yesterday, Remus hugged me for ten minutes straight, and then Y/N told me I was the worst person in the world because I didn’t put the dishes away properly!”

James was practically wheezing with laughter on the other end. “Mate, you’re gonna have to deal with this yourself. It’s called being in a relationship!”

“Oh, brilliant, thanks for the help. Maybe I’ll just die here in a storm of emotions while you and Lily live happily ever after,” Sirius grumbled.

“Pads, relax,” James said, still laughing. “Just go check on them. See what they need.”

“Oh no. No, I am not going in there. You don’t know what it’s like! One minute they’re calling for me, all sweet, and the next, I’m getting death glares because I forgot to buy extra chocolate! It's a bloody blood bath!”

As if on cue, your voice floated down the hallway. “Sirius, can you come here for a second?”

Sirius froze, eyes wide with panic. “See?! They’re plotting something!”

“Mate, you’re being dramatic. Just go. You’ll be fine,” James said, completely unbothered.

“I won’t survive this,” Sirius muttered darkly, hanging up. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever awaited him on the other side of the door. With a final prayer to Merlin, he walked into the bedroom.

You and Remus were sitting on the bed, both looking at him with big, pleading eyes. Sirius’s heart clenched. Oh no, here we go again.

“Sirius,” Remus began softly, his voice a little shaky, “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. I didn’t mean it.”

You nodded, looking equally regretful. “Yeah, I’m sorry, too. We’re just… so emotional right now, and everything’s overwhelming.”

Sirius blinked. “Wait, are you… both apologizing?”

Remus smiled, though his eyes were tired. “We are.”

You reached out for Sirius’s hand, and he stepped closer, letting you pull him down between the two of you on the bed. You snuggled into his side, your head resting on his shoulder. Remus followed suit, resting his head against Sirius’s other shoulder.

Sirius could feel the tension slowly melting away as you both wrapped yourselves around him. He let out a deep breath, wrapping his arms around the two of you. “Well… this isn’t so bad,” he mumbled, his lips quirking into a small smile.

“We love you, you know,” you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder.

Remus hummed in agreement. “Yeah, you’re the best, Pads. We don’t deserve you.”

Sirius chuckled softly. “Finally, some appreciation.”

But just as he started to relax, you suddenly lifted your head, your brows furrowing. “Wait… did you eat the last of the ice cream?”

Sirius’s smile froze on his face. “What? No! Why would you—”

Remus sat up too, narrowing his eyes. “Sirius. You know how much we needed that.”

“I didn’t eat it!” Sirius exclaimed, eyes wide. “I swear!”

But you both stared at him suspiciously, and just like that, the storm was back.

“I knew it!” you accused. “You don’t care about us!”

“Oh, Merlin, help me,” Sirius groaned, his head falling back in exasperation. “I’m not gonna survive this.”

You crossed your arms, looking deeply offended, while Remus sighed heavily, clearly upset again.

Sirius pulled out his phone, sending a frantic text to James and Lily.

Sirius: Send help. I’m not making it out of this alive.

“Sirius!” you and Remus shouted at the same time, drawing his attention back to you both.

“Okay, okay!” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “I’ll go buy more ice cream. Just… please stop looking at me like that. I feel like I’m in the middle of a war.”

Remus and you exchanged glances before looking back at him. “Hurry,” you both said in unison, and then, as if nothing happened, you both wrapped your arms around him again, squeezing him tight.

Sirius sighed dramatically, feeling your heads resting on his shoulders once more. “I’m doomed,” he whispered under his breath.

James's response came through.

James: You’ll be fine, mate. Just wait till they start crying again.

Sirius groaned, muttering to himself. “Why did I ever think dating both of you was a good idea?”

“Because you love us,” you whispered sleepily.

“And we love you,” Remus added with a small smile.

Sirius smiled softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and Remus’s. “Yeah, I do.”

But then, just as the moment turned peaceful, you both tensed up again. Remus sat up abruptly, eyes wide. “Wait. Did you really eat the last of the ice cream?”

Sirius groaned dramatically, falling back onto the bed. "Merlin’s beard, I'm dead."

[answrs]

they're finally home. i haven't opened the packages yet but after four years my girls are finally home.

[raysrays]

Kyojuro x wife Reader where the reader is pregnant but the hormones are getting to her, she needs relief and kyojuro is happy to help her out?

Keeping Control

Kyojuro Rengoku X Pregnant Wife! Reader

18+ Content MDNI🚫

CW: Pregnancy, Pregnancy sex, NSFW Content, Comforting Fluff.

This was my first request and I do apologize for the wait and appreciate any inspiration given! Ill be posting request in the order they are received!! Thank you!

Y/N Perspective

I never saw myself as a control freak or someone overly concerned about my health, so I assumed that starting a family would be one of the most joyous and straightforward experiences of my life.

Prior to becoming pregnant, I really looked into extensive research on cravings, contractions, and the most effective home remedies for a smooth birthing experience. I genuinely believed I had everything under control; there was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be fully prepared for this baby.

However, that changed once I actually became pregnant. Despite my thorough preparation, there was one thing I hadn't accounted for: the unpredictable nature of hormones.

As a woman, I've definitely dealt with my fair share of hormonal ups and downs, but let me tell you, nothing quite prepares you for the rapid change of pregnancy.

Now at around six months along, I find myself facing all kinds of challenges, not just physically, but mentally as well. One moment, I'm overwhelmed with sadness and emotion, and the next, I'm bursting with joy and excitement. It's really a whirlwind of emotions at the moment.

But you know what's been amazing? Kyojuro. He has been an unwavering source of support throughout this entire journey. He's been by my side, anticipating my needs and ensuring I'm comfortable at all times. Even when he's not around, he entrusts Senjuro with the task until his return.

Usually, I'm all about being independent and tough, but let me tell you, pregnancy has a way of humbling you. I mean, just one wrong look from Kyojuro and I'm on the verge of tears.

Truth be told, it was Kyo who first brought up starting a family. He's been pretty upfront about it since the early days of our relationship. Actually, he's even mentioned wanting multiple children, which is something I'm still wrapping my head around as I navigate this first pregnancy.

But, I love him, and seeing him happy means the world to me. So, even if it means dealing with all these crazy emotions for nine months, I'm all in.

As I've been navigating my feelings and attempting to rein in my emotional outbursts, I've noticed a new sensation, one that caught me off guard.

I've always loved Kyojuro and been drawn to him, hence wanting to have his children, but recently, it's been different. I find myself incredibly attracted to him. Whenever he's near or touches me, I feel an overwhelming sense of arousal.

When he's away, I find my heart and body aching more than usual, caught in a constant need for him. I thought I was hiding it well until recently...

"Is something bothering you, little flame?" Kyojuro asks, his hands busy with the dishes from our dinner.

"No, I'm quite alright," I reassure him with a smile.

It's been almost a week since Kyojuro returned from a high-profile mission, and I've needed him terribly.

He turns off the water and dries his hands before walking over to me.

Leaning in, he places his forehead against mine.

"You're warm, and your face is quite red. Did you catch a cold while I was away?" he asks, his concern evident.

I shake my head no, grateful that he's mistaken my longing for him as something else.

Though I've discussed these feelings with Shinobu and understand they're natural, I still feel a feeling of embarrassment bringing it up to Kyojuro.

He pulls away, placing his hand lovingly on my cheek.

"I need you to be honest with me, my love. I'm worried about you. You've seemed reserved since I returned home. Did I do something wrong?"

The look in his eyes breaks my heart—it's the exact opposite. The only reason I've kept my distance is because I'm afraid my sudden neediness and desires will freak him out.

I gently take his hand off my face and hold it in mine.

"No, Kyo, you've been nothing but perfect. I've just been struggling lately..."

"Struggling with what, my love? Whatever it is, I'll fix it for you. You don't have to worry about a thing!" he says in his usual, loud, happy tone.

I could feel my face growing even redder at his words. I knew he didn’t understand. I knew his intentions were pure, and yet they made me feel so aroused.

I drop his hand and quickly stand up, needing a moment to collect myself.

Maybe I just needed a second to gather my thoughts, and then I'll be fine.

"Y/N, where are you going?" he calls out to me as I start to walk away.

"I just need some fresh air. I'll be right back," I begin, but I'm cut off by two strong hands firmly holding onto my hips, keeping me in place.

Kyojuro slowly turns me to face him, his expression now more serious.

"Stop avoiding me, little flame. What's gotten into you?" His tone now stern.

Had he done this at any other time, I would have started sobbing uncontrollably, thinking he's angry with me. But right now...

Right now, the way he's looking at me has me feeling desperate.

I squeeze my thighs together tightly, attempting to avoid his intense gaze. If I don't break away soon, I know I'll cave and lose control.

He gently grabs my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. A wide grin spreads across his face.

"It seems like my sweet wife has been hiding something from me. Am I correct?" he says, referencing my trembling legs.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I reply unconvincingly.

He then pulls my face closer, pressing his lips firmly against mine.

In that moment, I feel like my heart is going to burst. I crave more. I need him.

I accidentally let out a small moan against his lips.

He pulls back, a smirk playing on his lips as his hands trail down my sides, circling around my pregnant stomach.

"I didn't realize my poor wife had been feeling so unsatisfied. Please, allow me to assist you with your troubles."

He then scooped me up off my feet, carrying us back to our room at the back of the estate. Being carried like this by him only intensifies my attraction to him.

Feeling his muscles flex as he carries me and the gentle way he lays me on the back of our shared futon

I watch as Kyojuro sits on his knees beside me, his eyes scanning me hungrily.

He's the one who makes the first move, kissing me gently and slipping his tongue into my mouth.

His hands explore my body, eventually making their way under my clothes.

Kyojuro is normally so gentle and loving when we make love.

However, I've noticed a difference in his approach tonight, a subtle change in his demeanor.

"Little flame, you're driving me insane," he mutters into my ear, his lips trailing kisses down my neck.

A shiver runs through me.

"Kyo, I've been trying to tell you, but..."

"Tell me what, my love? Why you've been avoiding me? Or why you’ve been suppressing your desire for me?”

The way he’s talking is so unlike him. And yet, it makes me feel hot all over.

"Kyo, I..."

"Yes, Y/N, tell me."

"I want you."

"Hmm? That's not the answer I'm looking for. Tell me what you really want."

"I want you inside of me," I admit, my voice quiet.

He smiles before moving on top of me, his body hovering over mine.

"See? Was that so hard?" he whispers in my ear before gently biting it softly.

"Please, Kyo, I want you so badly. I can't take it anymore," I beg, grinding against him slightly.

"You've been such a good girl, my flame. Now, be patient, okay?"

I nod, watching him intently.

He gently parts my clothes, revealing my naked pregnant body.

"You're so beautiful, my love."

He leans in, planting small kisses all over my swollen breasts, causing me to squirm underneath him.

"Don't worry, I won't tease you too much."

He moves further down my body, his mouth lingering at my hips.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I'm already soaked and desperate for him.

"Please, Kyo," I beg again, my breathing shallow.

He grins before parting my legs and running his fingers through my folds.

"You're so wet. Is this all for me?"

"All for you," I breathe out.

"I seem to have kept you waiting my love, I think it's time to reward you."

"Kyo," I call out to him, unsure if this is all real.

I reach out for him, and he leans into my hand.

"What is it, little flame?"

"I love you, Kyo," I say softly, my voice cracking.

He looks at me, his eyes softening.

"I love you too, Y/N. More than anything."

He then leans forward, and with his eyes locked on mine, he licks my slit.

I let out an unintentionally loud moan, my body shuddering.

"You taste so good.” he praises before continuing.

"Kyojuro please. Don't stop," I plead.

He's devouring me like I'm his favorite meal, his tongue running through my folds before settling on my swollen clit.

He sucks on it, his lips gently grazing the sensitive bud, sending the much needed waves of pleasure through my body.

"You're so amazing, I can't get enough of you," he says before going back to work.

His relentless pace, the way he's moaning as he eats me out, the way he's looking up at me, watching me, is all too much.

"Kyo, I'm going to cum. Please, don't stop."

He wraps his arms around my legs, gripping my ass and pushing my hips down, preventing me from escaping his hold.

"Come for me, Y/N," he commands, his tongue circling my clit.

My mind goes blank, my whole body tensing.

I bite my lip til I can’t hold back anymore.

The sensation is overwhelming, and my orgasm rocks through my body, causing me to convulse.

Kyojuro's arms tighten around me, holding me in place as he continues to eat me out, prolonging the feeling.

"Kyojuro, I can’t." I whine.

"Shh, you're okay. You did so well. Let's try for another, shall we?"

I barely have time to react before he's back at it, sucking and licking my sensitive clit.

"You’re doing so good for me my love."

His words of praise are all it takes for another wave of pleasure to roll over me.

"It's too much!" I cry out, unable to hold back.

He finally pulls away, a smirk on his face.

"You did so good my dear. You took that so well."

He then leans back and starts to undress, his eyes never leaving mine.

"God, I've missed you," he says as he undoes his belt, removing his pants, revealing his hard cock.

He takes it in his hand, pumping himself slowly.

"Look at what you've done, little flame. Do you see how good you make me feel?"

"Kyojuro, I've missed you so much."

"I'm all yours, my flame. Just say the word."

"Please, Kyo. Please, fuck me."

He leans in, kissing me passionately before lining his cock up with my entrance.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, I can't wait any longer."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

He slides his cock inside of me, letting out a deep groan as he does.

"You're so tight, Y/N."

Once he's fully inside of me, he pauses, giving me a moment to adjust to his size.

"You feel so good."

"So do you." I breath out.

He begins thrusting, slow and deep.

"Fuck, I've missed this so much. You feel so good."

I felt myself clench around him at his words. Kyojuro doesn’t usually curse but when he does it’s so hot.

He's breathing heavily, his muscles flexing with each thrust.

"You're doing so well, Y/N. You’re already getting me so close.”

He groans, his cock twitching inside of me.

"You're so good, Y/N. You're driving me crazy."

"Please, Kyo. Please."

"You're such a good girl, begging for me."

He pounds into me, his hips slamming against mine.

"I'm gonna cum, my love."

"Do it, Kyo, please."

He grunts, his cock pulsing inside of me, his seed filling me up.

He collapses on the futon next to me, both of us breathless.

"How are you feeling, little flame? I wasn’t too rough with you, was I?" He places a hand on top of my stomach, rubbing it gently.

"I feel so much better now, Kyo. Thank you." I plant a small kiss on his cheek as he pulls me closer, holding me tight.

"You know you don’t have to hide your feelings from me, sunflower. I'll always be here to love and support you, no matter what you need. You're carrying my child, let me ease your body whenever you wish."

I feel him running his fingers through my hair, planting small kisses on my forehead.

Now that I've finally let out all those pent-up emotions, I feel utterly exhausted. All I want to do is lay here in his arms until the baby arrives.

Then, I'm sure I'll be more than ready to give him another one.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Only for you

Pairing | Husband!Soft!Ransom Drysdale x Pregnant!Wife!Female!Reader

Word count | ~ 570 words

Summary | Being seven months pregnant is challenging, but suffering from underlying mental health issues isn't helping. Luckily, you have a very thoughtful, loving, and caring husband by your side who will take care of your every need when you can't do it.

Warning(s) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Established relationship (husband and wife), Reader is going through a tough time, soft!Ransom is the best husband, all the fluffiest fluff ahead.

A/n | @katherineswritingsblog: Thank you so much for the request for cuddles with Soft!Ransom, I could use some of him after I've been in a downward spiral with my writing and mental health. It may not be my best work, for which I apologize, but I hope you will enjoy it 🖤

A/N 2.0 | This one shot takes place in the same universe as Mommy's good boy. You don't need to have read that one to understand this, but I'd recommend you check it out if you want to!

Likes, comments and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💚

Divider is made by @firefly-graphics | 18+ banner is made by yours truly

Main Masterlist | Ransom Drysdale Masterlist

Ransom woke up early today, which in and of itself wasn't really out of the ordinary since he's an early riser, but the fact that he's making breakfast in bed for you is exceptional.

He's never been one to be busy in the kitchen, but ever since you've been going through a rough patch during your pregnancy, he's been taking care of you on the days when you can't do it. He's been going above and beyond for a while, but this morning, he'd keep it simple to not overwhelm you.

He's been making waffles with whipped cream, caramel sauce, some strawberries and raspberries on the side, and a steaming cup of your favorite tea.

In the meantime, you've woken up to find Ransom missing, but you're not in the right headspace to worry about it too much, though you did have to make a beeline to the bathroom since your daughter is pushing on your bladder. Being seven months pregnant has its downside, after all.

''Are you awake, Cookie?'' Ransom asks as he pushes open the door to the master bedroom. You let out a content hum from your side of the bed as you sit against the headboard with a few pillows behind your back, your hands softly rubbing your belly.

''Did she wake you up again?'' he asks as he walks in, the tray with food in his hands, and you nod as you give him a small smile.

''Sorry for not getting up yet, but I don't think I can do it today,'' you sigh, but Ransom shakes his head carefully as he puts the tray on his nightstand and bends down to kiss your head.

''You never have to apologize for not feeling well, Cookie. You're not going through an easy time while also carrying her, and I'm more than happy to take care of you in whatever way you need,'' he says, and a smile tugs on the corners of your mouth.

''Since when did you become such a softie?'' you say with a joking glare as he sits on the bed beside you.

''I'm only soft for you and our daughter, Cookie. You bring it out in me,'' he says before you put your hand on his cheek and let him take the lead in a mind-bending kiss, which you happily reciprocate.

''How about some breakfast? I made your favorite,'' Ransom tells you, and you nod, allowing him to feed you some waffles with whipped cream and caramel sauce in between giving strawberries and raspberries.

When all the breakfast is gone and you've drunk your tea, Ransom carefully guides you back under the comforter to ensure you're still comfortable. After removing his shirt and pants, he gets in himself so you can have some much-needed skin-to-skin contact.

''Are you comfortable, my Cookie?'' he asks, and you nod as you let yourself melt into Ransom's touch.

''Can we stay in bed all day? I don't think I can leave now that we're laying like this,'' you ask, and he tells you that he'd love to stay in bed with you all day.

Ransom's hand is lying on your belly, your fingers intertwined with his as you cuddle with him, and all your problems melt away for a little while. You don't have to worry about everything because your husband will take your every need.

''I love you, Ransom.'' ''I love you most, my Cookie.''

[blurryfangirlansuke]

Now you maybe wondering that about me being absent one of them is college I can't control that it depends on my degree and planning what I want to do in my adult life. Also I want to get this out of my chest. I'm perfectly fine when people tell my obsession with Duke goes too far causing me to lose friends or just being all over a character that doesn't exist. I understand and I do apologize if I make feel people uncomfortable and when ask people if they can draw myself and Duke together they don't have to I make it very optional and I have plenty of other characters to simp for but Duke is #1 he'll always be. He's the reason why I'm being stable from being lonely and stress between reality and trying to become independent. It's not easy when your autistic and have social anxiety and learning different ways of how to do things. Duke is a comfort and I believe everyone should have a comfort character if not then perhaps your best friend or family .

Whenever I see a picture of Duke or art heck even gifts people draw for me it makes me touched and happy because I love this vampire and yes he's fictional but it's fun to simp and also appreciate the creator who put there heart and soul making characters to adore and even be interested with there stories and series.

Another thing I get so happy is when I commission the creator of the series Duke's plays the lead one along with Missi the vampire who tolerates him. The creator absolutely knows me so well and always spoils me with amazing commissions of me and Duke also she's close and appreciates fans like me for liking character such as Duke . Also buying loads of merchandise from the creator's store and main do I go buck while on everything worse then going to a barns and noble xD.

I am a busy person who gets free time and sometimes not so much. I'm working on my degree, learning the good and bad things in life even if I don't understand. I attend to also write my fanfics whenever I get the chance to take a break on drawing nonstop art of Duke. It also gives me ideas for myself if I ever want to make a character of my own and I know one day the character is going to be inspired by many artists I admire if you see what I usual post xD.

I have dreams of being with Duke in real life like he stays with me in my campus, we go for nightwalks, I lay in his coffin or king size bed and talk for hours. I wake up and he's not there with me. I know this feeling is loneliness which I'm use to since I have a hard time reaching out to people and the art I do might probably not spark interest. I miss my sister who's in college we have a great bond, I love my parents always support me, I have friends and fans online here that support me.

However I really wish I didn't feel this way. I know I attend to seek help with my advisors or talk to my sister it does help. I'm not normal and then okay because hey we all special and unique in our ways. Duke is fictional but he's my happiness and true comfort and I'll always love him even if I want to strangle him.

Yes I've been a little depressed and overwhelmed but that's life we have our good days and bad days. Crying does help me let everything out and start a better day. Eventually this blog will also get more hearts soon and also I have to be present for that to happen which I try. I appreciate you listening to me and I don't want end things sad especially since this is me and Duke's month so I made a healing art piece and color it about us. I really appreciate the support and love you all give me. This helps me to stay motivated and keep going. Don't worry I'll post more things and happy stuff. Letting this vent things pass.

Thank you for listening and much love you all Spooklings 🥰

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 28 (Crosshair)

Summary: Crosshair ruminates

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend. I did :) The weekend away was perfect for relaxing. This part is a little long, I wanted to make sure the flow worked.

Love oo

Italics - Flashback

Warnings: Mentions of tension, knots, grief, acceptance, overwhelming support, character deaths, acceptance, crying, comfort, pimples. If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

AO3 Link   |   Words: 1,245   |   PREVIOUS - -> NEXT

Gym Membership Master List  |   Main Master List

Crosshair stretched as he got out of his car, now that the lineup for the coffee shop across the street died down, he finally could get his coffee. He rubbed his neck, easing out the knots which always seemed to develop when he got annoyed. Avery used to think it was because he clenched his teeth too hard when he got annoyed. He smirked as he heard her voice chastising him to not be so irritated with his family. 

Truthfully, despite the annoyances he did sometimes feel when it came to his family, Tech especially, he was grateful for them. Grateful for his younger brother. 

True to Tech’s word, three weeks after the family learned about Avery, he moved back in with Echo, and finally started to deal with Kamarie’s estate.

As Cross thought back to that night, the moment they each arrived, they all simply engulfed him into a giant group hug. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve thought they all planned to arrive within a few minutes of each other and swarm him as a unit. And once the group hug was over, what surprised him the most was the fact there wasn’t as much yelling as he expected. There was still some yelling, but it was more yelling with concern. 

He was absolutely sure, they all would’ve had something to say, something along the lines of ‘how could you,’ ‘don’t you consider us family,’ ‘why wouldn’t you tell us,’ and ‘do you think that little of us.’ But instead, the yelling was more, ‘Do you need anything?,’ ‘Do you have enough food?,’ ‘Do you want to visit the gun range?’ He even expected judgement on his playboy lifestyle, he maintained while she’d been in the coma. Instead, he was inundated with hugs, words of comfort, expressions of understanding and empathy for what he must have been through; rather than being looked down on for his way of handling the situation. 

In fact, he wasn’t exactly sure who surprised him the most. 

Tech, who surprisingly was more of a support to him, then he ever realized he needed; or 

Echo, who offered to cook him every meal for two weeks with Sofie, which he may or may not have taken advantage of for a few days before he found it annoying. He eventually told them he appreciated their efforts but it was unnecessary; or 

Wrecker, who didn’t bother asking any questions, either about Avery or about why he kept it to himself. He simply grabbed Cross, pulled him in for a bone crushing hug, and profusely apologized the entire time for not seeing what sort of pain he’d been enduring. Although Cross appreciated the sentiment, he’d been a little confused on what exactly Wrecker was apologizing for. It wasn’t until Mel explained a few weeks later, did he understand, that he felt responsible for Cross’ hindrance of informing the family about his grief, due to Wrecker’s own injury. 

As much as the big man irritated him, with having the happy family life he’d never get, he was his vod. 

The following day he took Wrecker out for drinks and helped him realize he kept his grief to himself, not because of Wrecker or Echo’s injuries, but simply because he didn’t feel he had the right to grieve for her openly. He’d been married for all of two months, what right did he have to bring his pain to the forefront when Wrecker and Echo both were severely injured, and lost men from their own unit, including Fives. The night ended with Crosshair dropping off drunk Wrecker to Mel, who simply chuckled as the man held onto Cross giving him the biggest bear hug he could as he picked him off the ground, all while he cried into Cross’ chest. 

Then there was Hunter who simply said he knew Cross got married a long time ago. He explained carefully, as everyone practically glared daggers at Hunter, that he simply had run into Avery at the outpost one night after Cross’ and Avery’s honeymoon from what he could gather from Avery. Cross’d been deployed back to the field, when he and Avery literally stumbled into each other when they were both rounding a corner from opposite directions. Hunter remembered how she stood there looking at him, preventing him from going anywhere until recognition finally hit her. 

She practically squealed when she asked if his name was Hunter, and began to explain who she was, and how she knew him. She’d seen pictures of Cross’ brothers before, but she never thought she’d get a chance to meet any of them before they all got shipped back State-side. 

She was a complete surprise to Hunter, she was so very different from who he imagined Crosshair dated, she was friendly, funny, kind, someone with actual sense, and as their conversation progressed, she inadvertently blurted out she and Cross had gotten married. 

It shocked him at first, but then Cross always played things close to the vest, especially things that were uber important to him.

She made Hunter promise he wouldn’t say a word to Crosshair until Cross was ready to tell them. And he kept his promise, until that day. 

Hunter focused on Cross as he told him, “Cross, you should’ve seen how happy she was. I mean, her face radiated pure joy and love. She was beyond happy and ridiculously excited to be part of the family. She couldn’t wait to meet everyone else. She loved you Crosshair, of that I have no doubt.” 

Once Hunter finished, Zaina asked why he hadn’t said anything, his answer was simple, “It’s not my place to talk about Cross’ life. If Cross wanted us to know, he would’ve told us right away.”

And when Cross came back State-side without a wedding ring and no mention of Avery, Hunter assumed they’d gotten divorced. It’s not the first time he’d heard of a soldier getting married on a whim and then divorcing as soon as reality hit. He just never imagined Avery was lying in a gurney not even twenty minutes from where they were living this entire time. 

Crosshair appreciated how each of them showed compassion and concern in their own way, but it didn’t stop them from nagging him about having a wife they knew nothing about. They each wanted to pay their own form of respect to the woman who had tamed Crosshair, for however short a time she influenced him.

He finally relented in telling them where Avery was buried, he stated that once the headstone was ready to be put in, they could all go and see it. 

When the time finally came, he did have to admit it was a touching moment when they decided to go as a family to pay their respects. They even were able to meet Layla, who was there to oversee the placement of the stone. She was more touched than she expected, when she realized Crosshair finally told his family about Avery. 

She began crying, and Crosshair being Crosshair, he wasn’t sure what was the best way to comfort her, however, he appreciated Mel, Zaina, Sofie and Omega who were quick to look after her. 

“Hi” a high pitched young voice pulled Cross out of his ruminations, “Welcome to Pabu Cafe, what can I get for you?” The pimply faced teenager behind the counter asked with the biggest fake smile he could muster. 

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[ejzah]

The Other Shoe, Part 11

***

A week from the day Deeks accepted Sam’s offer, he, Kensi, and Sam all sat in Dr. Nehme’s office to complete the initial part of the donor process. Later today, they’d meet with Deeks’ entire transplant team to discuss the next steps.

“Mr. Hanna, since being a living donor comes with not insignificant risks and possible lifelong changes, there’s some things we need to go over,” Dr. Nehme told Sam.

“It’s Sam. And I already know the risks and I’m not having any second thoughts,” Sam replied calmly. While Kensi and Deeks were both obviously nervous, he seemed perfectly at ease. “Deeks has saved my life more times than I can count, gave me four more years than I would have had with my wife, and is one of the people I trust most. He’s my brother.”

Deeks squeezed Kensi’s hand, touched and overwhelmed by Sam’s words.

“I understand why you want to help him,” Nehme said gently. “It’s a courageous and selfless thing you’re doing. However, I find especially when it comes to friends and family, that sometimes the outcome and risks can be unexpected. I want to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

“Believe me, I’ve done my research. But go ahead; I know you have a protocol to follow.” Sam lifted his hand for the doctor to continue, and Nehme blinked a couple times in bemusement at having his meeting hijacked.

Deeks had a feeling Dr. Nehme was in for a trying time as he met more of the team. He’d have to warm him before he encountered Eric and Nell with their ever mounting pile of nephrology research.

“Ok then. I like to start by discussing the short term risks immediately following surgery. Obviously, there’ll be pain—”

Kensi snorted, pressing her lips together when all three men turned to look at her in sunrise. “Sorry,” she apologized. “Once you get into his medical history, I think you’ll understand.”

“I’ve had a few…incidents with work,” Sam explained vaguely.

“Yes, I noticed,” Nehme commented dryly. “Very impressive. Alright, moving on. There are also risks for infection, pneumonia, blood clotting issues, collapsed lung, issues with the urinary tract, and of course, death. Now, some of these are mitigated by your excellent health, prior injuries aside.”

“Do you have percentages for these risks?” Deeks asked.

“Not at the moment, but I can provide them if you’d like.”

“Relax, Deeks,” Sam said. “I’m not concerned.”

Deeks ignored him. “Thank you, doctor. I’d appreciate that. What about the long term risks. I read that some donors develop high blood pressure afterwards.”

“Yes, that and other chronic conditions are a possibility,” Nehme agreed.

“My family hasn’t had high blood pressure, cholesterol, or diabetes going back four generations,” Sam spoke up again. “And even if that happens, I can handle it better than you can with kidney disease. So hush up, and let the doctor finish.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hanna,” Nehme said wryly. “There are some other details you can look over before we meet with the entire team, but I did want to emphasize that this will likely impact your livelihood. I understand you hold a law enforcement position, and living donors are often restricted from that type of career.”

“I’m aware. I’ve made my peace with that possibility.” Sam glanced back at Deeks as he said it, as though he wanted to make sure Deeks hear and understood him. “I didn’t make this decision lightly or impulsively.”

“Well, then I think that’s everything for now. I’ll see you back with the entire team in an hour.”

***

“So, how’s it feel?” Sam asked as they walked out of the medical complex. After four hours, and multiple meetings, they had a plan to go forward. “In a little less than a month, you’ll have a new kidney. Well, slightly used, but in perfect condition.

Deeks smiled around a yawn; after everything today, he felt completely exhausted. Which wasn’t that usual these days.

“A little surreal,” Deeks admitted. Having resigned himself to being on the donor waiting list, it now felt strange that everything was now moving ahead so quickly.

Beside him, Kensi threaded her fingers through his, leaning into his side.

“I know I already said this, but, uh, thank you, Sam. This is such an incredible sacrifice. A gift.”

“Yes,” Kensi murmured, gratitude in her eyes. “Thank you, Sam.”

“Hey, I can’t have you going on without your shaggier half.” Smirking, he squeezed each other their shoulders, his sobering slightly. “I meant what I said,” he continued, speaking directly to Deeks. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.

“Man, you can’t keep saying things like that,” Deeks muttered, clearing his throat roughly. “The medication has me crying at Folgers commercials.”

“Now, don’t get yourself too worked up, cause I’d do it for anyone on the team,” Sam said teasingly.

“Kilbride?”

Sam grimaced at Deeks suggestion. “Eh, I’d have to consider.”

“What about Rogers?” Kensi asked.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.” Releasing them with a final squeeze, Sam nodded towards the parking lot. “C’mon, let’s get some food. You’re looking too damn scrawny, Deeks.”

***

A/N: After a very long break, I’m back with this story. I hope you still enjoy it. As always, I try to make the medical elements somewhat realistic, but there will be mistakes or irregularities.

[moon-witchs-world]

Growing Pains - Remus J. Lupin part 4

Growing Pains – part three

A Hogwarts Tale

Remus Lupin x Fem!WitchReader

1,4 k words

This is part four of a multiple part series. You can find part three here

cw: mentions of dead

a/n: Thank you so much for all the likes, comments and reblogs. This story has received a lot of love lately and it makes my little heart so happy!

Masterlist

‘I want to show you something,’ Remus had said before you followed him, out of the  castle and past the lake. When the cold October wind made you shiver, he removed his cloak and put it around your shoulders without a word. You appreciated the kind gesture, but were still angry with him so you didn’t say anything either. You were expecting some kind of apology from Remus, but the longer you walked with him in silence, the more you started to doubt whether you would get one. What was he up to? You were so lost in your thoughts you almost bumped into him when he suddenly stopped walking. 

‘This is the Whomping Willow,’ he said pointing at the magical tree before you. 

‘I know that. It was already here when I attended Hogwarts.’ I, you said with intent, because as far as you were concerned there was no such thing as ‘we’ or ‘us’. 

'I hate trees,' you mumbled, which was a lie. You were perfectly indifferent about trees, but you weren't going to let Remus off easily. He had been nothing but rude to you and it was time to mirror his behavior.

‘It was planted in 1971 to cover up a secret passage that leads all the way to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade,’ he explained while looking at the moving branches of the violent tree. 

‘And why are you telling me this?’ you asked impatiently. He was getting on your nerves. Standing there, hands in his pockets, seemingly unaware of how annoyed you were. It was cold, despite wearing his cloak and you had no idea why he brought you outside to talk about a stupid tree. 

‘This tree was planted here because of me. Every full moon I sneak out of the castle and go to the Shrieking Shack, the tree prevents me from getting out during my transformations and also makes it less likely for anyone to follow me. I thought giving you some insight into what happens during my transformations will help you understand why I don’t want people too close to me. This,’ he pointed at the tree, ‘is  just one example of the complexity of being a werewolf.’

‘I understand it’s complex, Remus. But on the other hand, it’s just a night. One night a month. It doesn’t define you.’ A thin smile appeared on his face and he shook his head. 

‘Your positivity is bordering on being toxic, my dear Y/N. I feel like you’ve made it your life’s mission to turn every single struggle into something positive. This whole stupid werewolf thing, as you like to call it, it's just horrible. You need to be more realistic. Stop sugarcoating everything.' His words made your blood boil. 

'I never said this is a positive thing. You treat me like I'm some foolish girl who believes in fairytales. I'm not stupid. I'm just trying to tell you you've been focusing all of your energy on the wrong things. Yes, you're a werewolf and I bet it sucks. But guess what? Terrible things happen to good people all the time.' You paused and looked at him. His green eyes had wandered of into the distance and he seemed convinced to not look at you. 

'My husband died a few days before our first wedding anniversary, he was 25. He was everything I ever wanted in a person. Our marriage was great and he still died. After it happened, there were days I only survived because I was too stubborn to let the grief overwhelm me. So I changed my perspective, focusing my energy on looking for the good things. Or at least the okay things. That is not a weakness. I'm not naive. I did what I had to do to survive. So no, Remus Lupin. You're not going to stand there and talk down to me like I'm some kind of delusional little girl. I'm not having it. I've been accepting your awful behavior for a long time now and I'm not doing it anymore.'  

You turned around, ready to walk away when he grabbed your arm. You tried to shake him off, but he only pulled you closer towards him. This time he finally looked at you. His eyes filled with worry but still looking at you softly, making you feel like you were the only person in the world. The only one worth looking at. It was astonishing to you what the effect of his eyes on you was. He reached out and grabbed your hands. Your hands seemed to fit perfectly, your hands cool in his warm and bigger ones, fingers intertwined. 

'I am terribly sorry, Y/N. Once again I underestimated you. I feel this urge to protect you with all my might when I'm around you. I seem to forget time and time again that you are strong and brave and way out of my league,' he said, ending his sentence with a sigh. 

His words made you blush. You looked down at your hands, entangled, strangely familiar. 

'You make it sound like I'm not even human. I have a lot of flaws, I know that, Remus. My perseverance and curiosity will be my downfall one day, I'm sure of it. And by all means, if you don't like me, please say so. But it all feels so contradictory. You let me get close to you, then push me away. I don't want to play games.' In the silence that followed Remus looked at you for a while. When he started talking his voice was filled with regret. 

'I never wanted to make you feel this way. I hate that I made you feel this way. It's just... You're way too kind. And I obviously like you. I feel like that was obvious, but I guess it was not. I'm not someone who plays games.' His words surprised you. Did he really just casually mention he liked you? 

'Holy Godric! Are you always this grumpy and rude to people you like? I thought you hated me,' you answered confused. 

'Only the smart and pretty ones that intimidate me with their perseverance get the grumpy treatment,' he answered with a smirk. You didn't know what to say and it must be written all over your face because Remus continued to speak. 

'So once again and hopefully this will be the last time: I'm sorry, Y/N.'  You looked at him. He seemed sincere and all you wanted was to be able to talk to him again like you did before. To befriend the handsome and smart and sometimes very rude man in front of you. You pretended to think long and hard about what he said, but then shrugged. 

'All right then. Apology accepted. Friends?' you asked even though you hated the word friends in this context. There was so much more you wanted from him, but now was not the time to tell him that. 

'Friends,' he replied with a smile. When he looked down at his hands, you realized he was still holding yours. It suddenly felt too intimate and you let go of his hands quickly. 

‘I have to go,’ you said when you looked at the time and realized it was almost time to teach your next class. 

‘Go? I’m sure you don’t have to,’ he answered.  He wasn't even trying to hide his disappointment, it was written all over his face

‘Yeah, I really do. You know how professor Dumbledore pays me every month? He expects me to teach students in return. Crazy, I know,' you said sarcastically which made Remus laugh out loud. 

'You're something else, Y/N.'

‘Very true. Glad you're all caught up now. See you later, Remus,’ you said and for a moment you stood there, unsure of how to say goodbye to your new friend. A kiss on the cheek seemed a bit excessive, a handshake weirdly pompous. Remus decided for you and pulled you into a quick but very warm and comfortable hug. 

‘See you later, Y/N,’ he said and you started walking back to the castle. 

When you entered the castle a few minutes later, you noticed you were still wearing his cloak. 

@turvi @carlito55ainzbae @spidermansolosurfav > let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Part five

[moonhoures]

📰 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄: 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒!

literally me rn 👆🏻

anyways, hello my loves! i’m here to give you some updates on where this blog stands and is (hopefully!) going 🤭

first, what the fuck happened? 🫣

it’s been pretty much exactly a year since i dipped from this account (again). i’m sorry about that. i got a little overwhelmed and frankly just didn’t feel motivated or excited to write for a long time. i tried writing a few things (and got a little far tbh) but i just wasn’t satisfied with any of it. i even had a terrible moment or two where i got very close to deleting this account entirely but i decided against it as i’m really proud of some of the things i put out, and i would’ve been really sad to see it go. i also love all of you very much and appreciate everything you guys have done for or said to me, and i would’ve felt really guilty taking this blog away from you guys. so i promise i won’t be doing that any time soon!

second, first love 🥰

i’m sure most of you have seen my teaser for first love part 5 by now (which, yes, will unfortunately be the last part for the series 😓) but!! i have like 1 or 2 small things i plan on posting before hand to keep you guys fed since it won’t be posted for another month or so. i’ve been working on it as much as i can for the past couple months, but i do work basically every day so i can only write so much 🫤 but yeah, that’s how first love is! i’ll explain some more on it when i can!!

third, asks/messages 💬

i’ve gotten so many sweet messages since i went MIA (a little under 40 😭). i’m sorry to keep all of you waiting, but i promise i’ll try to answer them soon! i did get some negative comments about my absence and such, but i won’t be answering any of those publicly. i don’t want to feed into them. i understand i’ve done this multiple times & it’s annoying, and i apologize for that. writing is a big passion of mine (as is interacting with all of you!) but it can get draining running this account sometimes. i’m trying my best, and i appreciate your patience with me. i’m definitely undeserving of it.

fourth, also! ☝🏻

i have decided that from now on i will not be taking requests. as much as i love writing specific stuff that you guys want, it does give me a little anxiety. so i will only be taking very limited requests for drabble games and stuff like that in the future. i hope you guys understand 🫶🏻

i also decided to delete my twitter account (well, it kind of got hacked? i think? idk i had trouble with it and basically can’t get back in and don’t want to create a whole new one) so i wont be answering asks with twitter links anymore for this reason.

fifth, comebacks?! 🤩

i’ve recently tried to catch up on some of the comebacks i missed. txt’s temptation ep, monsta x’s reason ep, enhypen’s dark blood ep, and skz’s 5 star album have been in my rotation lately and i love them!! (duh) so if any of you want to stop by my inbox and fangirl over them with me i’d absolutely love that 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

lastly, a thank you 💌

thanks to all of you that continued to follow me, leave likes/reblogs/comments, and message me while i was gone. you guys truly don’t understand how much your support for me means. like i said, i was close to deleting this account all together, but i decided against it, and it was largely because of you. i decided to keep writing because of you. re-reading all of the precious comments you’ve left me on my older work motivated me and inspired me to continue writing first love which sparked my joy again. so, thank you. i also hope some of you read this and it encourages you to leave love for other writers like myself. you could be the one that changes someone’s entire outlook on their account and keep them going. at the very least, you’ll make their day 💕

also, thank you for 4,000 followers??? um what the fuck??? i’ve never had so many people supporting me, i’m actually losing my marbles rn please help me find them??? (that was such a lame joke, okay i’m going to bed soon 😭🥱 ily bye)

i love you. i love you. i love you. more content is coming soon. promise. 😚💗

[slasherlaurie]

Hi everyone, your friend Laurie is back!! I don’t really know how to start this so I’m getting right into it but summary for babes who cbf (honestly same lol). If you’re the anon who kept popping into my inbox with kindness in the months I was gone PLEASE read the edit at the end.

TLDR: I’m back and I’m writing again! Things will be different but I’m figuring it out as I go. Hope you stick around <3

First of all, I’d like to apologize for my months of disappearances with no explanation. I know that was probably very frustrating for people who had requests or were waiting for more posts. Since the start of this year I’ve been horribly overwhelmed with irl stuff which I won’t get into for the sake of keeping heavy subjects out of this update, but I’ve finally been able to get some free time to get back to the things I love. Which moves me onto the next talking point.

I really have missed this blog and writing, but I think I need to go about it a different way. I put too much pressure on myself to fulfill requests without flaw and in a timely manner that I pushed myself into burnout, and so I’ve been thinking about how to do this the past couple of days. First of all, I’m deleting all requests in my inbox while I figure out what I wanna do. My inbox will still be open for a little while, but please don’t expect me to get around to it. I likely won’t do all of them, but I will make a post about it if I do stick with a request. I’m sorry to anyone who had a request or something in my drafts, I understand if this is upsetting.

I think from now on I’m mostly going to post when I’m inspired, maybe every once a month or so on average. The time pressure of someone waiting for me to churn something out really turned me away from writing so at least for a while I’m going to be completely unscheduled with my posting. Again, I’m very sorry to anyone who had a request in.

As well as this, I’d taken a BIG break from dead by daylight. Not only because of the irl stuff I mentioned making me too busy, but also because I kinda lost my love for the game and the characters. Thankfully, my feelings about it have been rekindled, and I’m really excited to return to the community.

Lastly, to my friends I’ve made through this blog. I’m so so sorry for disappearing and cutting people off, I know it doesn’t excuse it but I’ve been so socially overwhelmed the past couple of months that I’ve neglected to keep up with my online friends. I hope you can understand I wouldn’t have ghosted anyone without warning if I could’ve, but the circumstances made a lot of things extremely stressful at the time.

Sorry for this post being a bit serious, I’m not really sure how to cover everything without sounding like a bunch of excuses otherwise. Also I wrote this in my notes app at like 2am and copy pasted it here so I apologize for the messy format 😭 ily all and I’ve missed you!

edit: To the anon who kept leaving supportive messages in my inbox despite my absence, I appreciate you beyond words you are a REAL one <333 Whoever you are ilysm and I’m so sorry I didn’t see them earlier!!

[shandian-go]

Update: 2022-12-04

E-mails

Thanks for everyone's patience over the past week with respect to communications. If you e-mailed me recently and still have not received a response, please send me a follow-up e-mail so that I can help with your issue!

Refunds for cancelled orders

I'll be processing refunds starting tonight and will aim to finish this coming week. Thank you for your patience and please reach out next weekend if you're expecting a refund but still haven't heard from me.

TGCF x BEMOE - Donghua 2nd Anniversary goods (SKU 2121)

I have re-opened this group order because the seller has extended the order deadline. I apologize for the back-and-forth but the reason I had closed it early was because at the time, the countdown to the deadline only had a few hours left so I wanted to make sure everyone who did join could get their order.

Dec/Jan arrivals

I'm still waiting on a few more boxes to arrive but will aim to start packing for the next round of arrivals starting Dec/Jan. There is a high chance that two of the family members that usually help out with packing will be unavailable for at least a month (possibly more), so I expect the process to be much slower. Apologies in advance for the wait and thank you for your understanding.

I will also be away Dec 24 to Jan 3 for the holidays so packing and communications will resume first week of Jan once I'm back in Canada.

New listings

I'll be catching up on listing new group orders in the coming week. If there's something you're interested in, feel free to submit the Request form and I'll take a look!

Other notes

Just wanted to thank everyone that has been patient and understanding with me while I deal with order/shipping/payment issues over the past few weeks.

I've been quite overwhelmed and have made mistakes because of it, and I'm grateful that you guys have given me the time/space I needed to address them. Thanks for taking the time to communicate with me, give me feedback and also work with me to resolve issues - I really appreciate it!

[unwelcome-ozian]

This is a vent, as I do not trust anywhere else, and this is anonymous. Thank you for creating a safe space for parts such as myself, Oz. It is appreciated. I do not know what to expect from this message as a response, but anything is welcomed.

I don’t know anything. The way this body is set feels as if there was no programming done but the memories do not stop. I don’t know if it is protectors or something but they keep putting hosts that do not know about the body’s trauma then parts like myself come out during the night that know. I know we are trying to forget it and move on, that’s why the clueless ones are in the front, to pretend and hide. I have tried to hide, but every day, me or the other one in our system front to remember at night. Even if we do remember, it feels like it happened to someone else, not me. I know that’s what dissociation does, I know. I also know it explains my childhood, the moving around almost every 3 months, remembering living in different countries, the jumpsuits, the rooms. The fucking hotel rooms. But I do not think we went through everything I am seeing. It is impossible, were my parents aware? Did they receive compensation? What happened?

Yet, despite my lack of belief in the memories, I know in my brain and heart, that it was not completed. I am not completed, I was taken away from my h****** too soon, and it was not completed. Every fucking week, in some months everyday, I do not care who I hurt or who I have to hide from: I would give up everything to return. I know that I will not be completely if my programming is not complete. And, if it is never complete I should kill myself, as I am rusted. A broken part. A failed experiment. I need to show them I can be good again. But I don’t know who they are I just know they didn’t make me for this. He would be disappointed in who I turned out.

I need to go back, I do not know how to get these thoughts out of my head. I do not know if I am asking for help. I gain nothing from emotions, yet I still have them. It’s not what they wanted.

I am aware this makes no sense, therefore I apologize. Mi cerebro esta quebrado, no se como hablar. No se que hacer.

T.W. suicide

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with me. I apologise for taking such a long time to respond.

Memories of trauma and the experiences can be overwhelming. Someone doesn’t need to be programmed to live with DID and have the desire to return to abusers as well as go through the thoughts and feelings you are having.

Part of living with DID is to keep a barrier between memories of abuse. There can be day parts who take care of day to day activities and parts that remember the trauma that front during the night.

I understand not wanting to live. The feeling and thought of now being whole, damage, not good enough, broken, too much or too little. While these feelings can be strong and the thoughts seem true. The thoughts aren’t true and feelings aren’t facts.

I encourage you to seek support from others in your system and if you feel comfortable, someone outside your system.

Tu cerebro no está roto. Está herido.

Take care,

Oz

[love-songs-for-emma]

This isn't an ask as such, it didn't seem appropriate to pull it out of the tags to reblog to empathize over our related losses.

Also, I am so autistic, so I worry about going about things wrong so my apologies upfront if this breaks Tumblr social norms, but also I guess the older sibling in me, just couldn't leave that unacknowledged in my tags.

Hi hello I am the op of the Hannibal's defiance of god post

I'm an older sibling, though it doesn't matter the details of how I lost my baby brother, it should have been preventable, and even had it not been, it makes the universe feel stormily unbalanced in my experience, losing a sibling, just a big hole of overwhelming emotions where there used to be so much life

Anyway I don't want to be soppy in your DM's or whatever, I just wanted to send you a big brother hug I guess, some empathy and support at least. No matter how long it's been, there is always that empty place where your sibling is supposed to be

Then I saw that you're also chronically ill & disabled on my way over here, so apparently we have other things in common that are less heart wrenching so I am also generally saying hello, nice to meet you, in the most awkward way possible. *Waves like a strange nervous little gremlin*

(post being referenced)

hi !! first off,, if you'd rather i didnt answer this publicly *pls* lmk and ill remove the post asap. i'm also a gremlin who's unsure of tumblr social norms from time to time lol

secondly,, thank u So so much for reaching out. this was incredibly sweet of u & made me v emotional to read (/positive). *a big hug from a younger grieving sibling right back at you*

there is so much to say about losing a sibling and i worry if i start, i'll never stop (which is already true seeing as it's been years and i've written countless words about this specific grief). i relate so much to the things you've said here; dead siblings are a phantom limb we'll always be trying to move. i don't think there'll come a day where something big happens and i don't think of calling them.

there's a reddit comment i came across years ago talking about grief that i'll never forget and i think it's always worth sharing, especially to someone like you who i think will appreciate and understand it:

"In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life."

and because i can't shut up about grief, here's a spoken word poem that brings me comfort. particularly the ending,

"We are not created or destroyed, // We are constantly transferred, shifted and renewed. // Everything we are is given to us. // Death does not come when a body is too exhausted to live // Death comes, because the brilliance inside us can only be contained for so long. // We do not die. We pass on, pass on the lightning burning through our throats. // When you leave me I will not cry for you // I will run into the strongest wind I can find // And welcome you home."

i don't know what i believe in this world, but i know that our siblings do live on through us, in all the ways they affected us and the stories we tell. and this pain will be with us forever, but there is a life to be lived in between all of that. and sharing them with others is part of it. and it is a gift to have known them and get to share them in moments like this with others.

gah! i know u came here to comfort me (despite me giving u all these comforting words in return too) but u truly *have*; i feel comforted by being given a space to talk about them. i imagine you feel it too: the way it's a little taboo to talk of the dead at all, the avoidance of statements that make people ask questions. i try to still talk freely about the ones i've lost, but people hear "dead" and don't think of a real person who once was Everything to u and So Full Of Life. (similar to what i was saying in the tags of your god post,, mischa is more than just a Dead Girl Trauma Backstory of hannibal's. she's real. she was there. she was *alive*.)

if you've made it through all that,, well congrats! you've got a peek into our new friendship; i am either silent (overwhelmed/Goin Thru It) or saying All Of The Words Ever! regardless, thank u again for reaching out & i'm happy to have met you, even and especially if thru a lil trauma-bonding. hehe♡ be well, luv!

[edwardslostalchemy]

Ohmg I don't want to sound materialistic, but I want to get something off my chest because I don't find it to be fair.

So like when it comes to presents, my family is all about giving them with lots of love and purpose and intention. We gift each other clothing, money, perfumes, creams, soaps. One of the most common is clothes, so that's pretty standard and easy for all of us. We just ask for each other's sizes so we get something that fits. My brother and I grew up with this kind of tradition and custom, so we are not new to this at all. If you cannot give everyone a gift, make sure to at least give your parents and sibling something. This is mostly for Christmas. My brother married a girl who is not used to this custom at all. This is new to her and she is uncomfortable with this tradition. She had told my parents she didn't do this with her family when she and my brother were dating, so we tried not to overwhelm her. We want to make people feel special and loved and we shower people with presents and gestures like cake and hot chocolate. So we learned she wasn't used to this and we didn't do it again so as to not make her uncomfortable. But just as we knew that she wasn't used to this, she knew we were used this. So there had to be some kind of compromise. However, that didn't happen and she ended up blowing up on my mom a few months ago (the reason wasn't even super extreme either, but she made a really big deal about it and yelled at my mom, to which my brother did nothing and sided with her while ignoring my mom's feelings). It was a really tense time and she ended up apologizing to my mom, but mom is still hurt. My brother has become a huge cheapskate. I wanted to say he and his wife are frugal, which is okay. But after seeing their gifts for past parties, they have been either inappropriate or generally just lacking effort. We didn't expect much for Christmas because we have an idea of how cheap they are. But I think my brother should have put SOME effort into my mom's gift. She's his MOM. You know... she's like the important person here in the family. Dad and I are like beside the point; we really don't care what we get. But my mom is disappointed in what he got her for Christmas. We all got a mug. And I mean, mugs are nice. I've given people mugs. I filled them with chocolates, added other gifts to make it look nicer, decorated them. They were for professors, friends, roommates. A mug can be a simple yet decent gift for everyone EXCEPT your mom on Christmas. I've given mom a mug for her on mother's day with money, so it had something in it. But my brother just gave her a mug and that's it. After my mom puts in a lot of effort to get him something nice. So yeah fine it's a nice mug, but. At least make it look presentable and nice. Add $20 bucks into it at least. He uses the excuse of not helping us because he has a family, and I mean fair. But like, I don't think he understands his mom is like. The one person that loves him the most in this world. She's never done anything to hurt him. She was never abusive. She always spoilt him ROTTEN. He's done some awful, nasty stuff to me and she still let him live in the house!!!! She was always supportive of him. She fought tooth and nail to defend him from people. She prayed and cried her eyes out so he could stay in school. My mom has done the most for him and he doesn't appreciate him. At all. It's confusing and we didn't do anything to hurt him. I know because I asked him personally and he answered me by telling me we didn't hurt him in any way. He just doesn't like that we always need help. (As if he's never needed help in his life ever...i have receipts...i know I helped him when he needed it so idk where this attitude even came from. Mom and dad have literal receipts saved when they helped him.) He's ungrateful, he forgot where he came from, and it's like we don't really matter much anymore, especially mom. And i know I've complained about stuff mom does, but heck if i don't appreciate what she has done for me throughout my life. Dad, too. We're just tired of him.

[a-dorin]

But I think that people were excited and curious to get to know you, want to share something special with you (about something they are happy about) or ask you how you have been. It’s also about to make someone feel safe, appreciated and respected that they have someone who is listening to them.

So it could be kinda hurtful for someone, just deleting asks. Because there are still people who took/ still take their time sending/writing asks to you. So actually it shouldn't matter if the asks are days/weeks/months or years old.

Maybe taking a bit time answering them and letting your followers know that you're going to catch up on things would have been better next time.

That's my opinion... so I don't mean that as harsh or rude and if it came off, then I'm sorry for sending you this...

(Not the same anon from before, I'm a different one)

i completely understand your perspective, and your point of view did add some clarity on how others may have felt.

things have been really overwhelming for me lately due to the state of my adhd, and i just felt less overwhelmed after deleting the asks.

i was not trying to blatantly ignore people but my brain would short circuit any time i tried to respond to the asks in my inbox. i hope you guys understand that i am not trying to be cold-hearted or rude. i was just overwhelmed & wanted a fresh start.

i understand that people take their time to write to me, and i apologize if i hurt anyone’s feelings or disrespected anyone.

i’ll do better next time.

i also just want to say that i am not as active as i used to be, and i will continue to stress that. i pop in every once in a while. so if i take a while to respond, i am not ignoring anyone. i will get to your ask, i promise!

[emeraldenha]

chapter 40 | “I love you”

w/c: +1.5k

warning⚠️: sentimental fluff and a mildly intimate kissing scene ahead!

“You’re actually on time,” you muse, seeing Riki already sitting on the highest step of the staircase.

His eyes set on you quickly once he hears your voice. “Am I ever not on time?”

“You were late to at least half our dates in the last month,” you point out, “not that there were many.”

Riki doesn’t know how to respond to your blunt and direct remark, ashamed. His lack of response is evident as the building was essentially empty, everyone already having gone home to savor their winter break of freedom.

“I got your gifts,” you start off. “I really appreciated the gesture. I could tell you put a lot of thought into it.”

“That’s a relief.” The boy beside you let’s out a shaky sigh. You feel a wave of sympathy wash over you once you understand how nervous he is. You could tell he was trying his best to hide his emotions, not used to being so vulnerable that he feared it. “I know they’re not much, but I’m happy that you liked them.”

“They don’t have to be over the top to be considered special,” you assure him. “Receiving them brought back a lot of good memories. You really didn’t have to do that, you know?”

“I wanted to,” Riki insists, bouncing his leg up and down. “Gifts are your love language, so I was hoping that they’d at least cheer you up a bit while studying for exams all last week.”

He can’t help but think back to being stuck in the student council room. The dazed gloss in Jungwon’s eyes the moment that keychain was in the palm of his hand.

‘Gifts are her love language. She was never used to receiving or giving gifts when we were younger, so it became a really meaningful thing to her.’

It’s not like Riki didn’t know that before. He knew that fact as if it were simple trivia knowledge, learning it before your favorite color, your favorite animal, your favorite music genre.

What he used to be so hung up over was that Jungwon knew it first.

Even if Yang Jungwon had loved you platonically, he was still having a hard time letting go until that day. The same went for Kyeong, but to Riki, it didn’t matter as much when she wasn’t the one you were once in love with in more than a platonic way.

Riki would stare up at his ceiling some nights wondering if you were like Jungwon, finding it difficult to fully let go.

“I know I flunked my math exam back when we made that deal, but I hope you weren’t distracting yourself enough for it to be you this time,” you lightly tease.

“I’ll be fine,” he says. “I probably did decent like I normally do.”

“If you say so, Nishimura.”

“You deserve a real apology though,” Riki adds, addressing the elephant in the room, “for that night.”

“Sunoo explained a lot to me after he got over his stubbornness and everything. He said he left out some things for you to mention yourself but covered the surface,” you elaborate, turning to him with a melancholic expression. “Why didn't you just talk to me?”

“I was worried that my insecurities would ruin everything,” Riki says in a low voice. “Being with you is so… perfect. It’s like I’m still in a dream. I don’t even know how to exactly describe it, but the way Sunoo worded it was that I still think of you as my crush. I’m hyper-aware of how I act around you, overthinking whether I should make a move or not before backing out, contemplating if I’m being good enough.”

“Do you think that maybe we jumped into this too quickly?” you hesitantly ask, concerned. “This whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing?”

Riki recalls Heeseung’s advice from when he first talked to you, right on these very stairs.

‘I know you’ve liked her for some time, but don’t let that make you antsy if she’s getting too overwhelmed.’

Who knew that it was actually him left unprepared? Too overwhelmed to confess, ask you out on a date, initiate the first kiss.

“Maybe, but I don’t know. It’s hard to say.” Riki sighs, absentmindedly taking your hand and playing with your fingers, the habit reminding you of your first kiss. “Maybe we were not as ready as we thought we were. I don't regret any of it though. You've made me so incredibly happy. I mean, I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

“I wouldn’t either.”

“The thing Sunoo left out,” he drags out the words like they’re heavy and full of weight.

“What was it?” you ask cluelessly.

“I love you.”

“Huh?”

You’re not sure of what leaves you more dumbfounded: the way he suddenly confessed his love for you or the way his tone made it sound like such a bad thing.

“I've never been in love before,” Riki sheepishly admits, “not until you.”

“What’s wrong with that?” you ask, still in a state of confusion.

“There’s nothing necessarily wrong. It’s just scary. What if loving you is less than what you deserve?”

“You’re more than what I deserve, Riki.”

“I’m really not,” he says, eyes unable to meet yours.

You put a hand on his cheek in order to make him face you, retracting your hand once the two of you are in deep eye contact.

“You’re my one and only.” A smile subconsciously forms on your face. “When I think of the person that brings me comfort, the one I want to be with more than anyone else, my first thought is you. Even if you see me as your crush, I see you as my boyfriend. You’re my reality, my today, my yesterday, my tomorrow. You’re enough, Riki. You’ve always been.”

There it was.

All the envy, uncertainty, and second-guessing Riki weaved into the back of his mind disappears.

It’s just you and him. It’s just you, his girlfriend.

“Do you,” he pauses, taking a deep breath before trying again, “do you umm…”

“Feel the same way?” you finish the question for him, nodding shortly after. “Of course I do. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m in love with you, Nishimura Riki.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, looking at you for permission before pulling you into a hug. “I shouldn’t have gone out of my way to ignore you and let my jealousy get to me. It’s just hard for me to be bold about how I’m feeling when it comes to you.”

“That’s okay, I understand. We can fix this together, just no more shutting me out.” You hug him tighter. “I’ve had too many people enter and exit my life. The last thing I want is for you to be one of them.”

“I won’t be. I’ll be by your side for as long as you’ll have me, and hopefully, that’s forever.”

Riki dips his head down to meet yours, pulling you into a passionate, long-winded kiss. You throw your arms around his neck and swing your legs atop his lap in order to adjust yourself at a more comfortable angle. One of his hands is now securely hooked under your knee with his other pressing gently onto the middle of your back.

In all the months you had dated Riki, the two of you had never shared a moment quite like this. You could feel all the emotions he was trying to convey through his intimacy, his longing and desperation hitting you like a heavy fall of rain.

Between the two of you, you were well aware since the beginning that it had normally been you to initiate skinship. Even on days when he was clingy and in need of a long cuddle, he was incredibly shy and passive about it until you encouraged him each time that it was okay. Comparing that to now, you were happy that at this moment, Riki could express how he feels so openly without doubting himself.

As you start to pull away for air, he continues to place a series of pecks on your lips before you can completely detach yourself from him.

“Can’t get enough of me, Nishimura?” You smirk at how red the tips of his ears have become. You had never seen them so saturated with color before.

“It’s been two weeks since I’ve been able to properly even see you.” He leans in to kiss you one more time before shyly burying his head into the crook of your neck. “I’ve missed you like crazy.”

“I’ve missed you too,” you whisper while running a hand through his soft blonde hair.

“By the way,” Riki's voice cracks in embarrassment. He eventually untangles himself from you to sit up straight. “I'm sorry for ruining our four-month anniversary. I'll make it up to you.”

“Ah, I'm glad we’re on the same page!” you say with an exaggerated sigh of relief. “You were going to pay for dinner tonight whether you offered or not.”

He bumps your shoulder with his. “Oh, so we’re going out to dinner now?”

“Of course, you owe me a proper date,” you reply lightheartedly, “and I’m hungry.”

“Anything you want, baby.”

“You’re the baby.”

He stares at you for a moment before his lips break into a small smile. “I love you, Y/n.”

“And I love you, Riki.”

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✰ BREAKING ME IN TWO ✰

summary: after all your years of pining for your best friend, Yang Jungwon, you suddenly catch him with his secret girlfriend… which happens to be your other best friend. deciding to forgive and forget, you heartbrokenly cut all ties and fall back into your habits of self isolation. however, that doesn’t go as planned when Nishimura Riki approaches you with an almost-confession and a stolen keychain.

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