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an-entity-i-think · 2 years

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QPR!Mergana Prompt:

Blah blah merlin reveals his magic earlier they figure out how to defeat Morgana without killing her blah blah she's redeemed even though her and Merlin are still like HIGHLY suspicious of each other and everyone thinks that either one of them would kill the other at any given moment if given the choice.

The council refuses to allow Morgana to be placed third in line for the crown after the king and queen because 'she'll kill them and then take the thrown legally why on earth would we agree to that?'. Which Arthur and Gwen are annoyed at cause she's redeemed! Have some faith smh

Meanwhile the council is looking beside them where Morgana and Merlin are glaring at each other like theyre about to start civil war all over again cause Morgana 'accidently' threw some hummus in his hair and Merlin 'accidently' spilt some of his wine on her dress and should someone get between that?

But I digress. Someone says 'if she marrys someone of suitable nature to rule *with* her in case the king and queen are dead or otherwise unable to rule, then we can probably agree with it' and everyone sits back and is like damn yeah that's so true random lord nobody cares about

But Arthur of course who found HIS true love (and is now a feminist, good job Gwen and Merlin!) Looks at his sister like 🥺 I'd never force you to marry 🥺 is there anybody you'd be happy to marry? 🥺 if not we can try to argue for something else? 🥺

And Morgana bored as hell, twirling a knife around, but with not a single slick of hesitation is like, 'Merlin.'

And everyone's eyes widen in shock while Merlin uses magic to turn the knife into a well known thorned purple flower (ouch), responds, again without a single slick of hesitation, 'Yeah, sure.'

And jaws drop.

Arthur and Gwen, both on the same page of absolute confusion are like 'what' cause neither of them have seen either of their best friends show any sort of attraction towards the other (and even though they ignore their hostile interactions cause neither of them have been hurt... permanently since she came back). They look at each other like 'did we miss something? Are they together? Is all this hostility some sort of foreplay?)

It is *not* foreplay.

But to understand we'd have to go back to when Morgana and Merlin were friends. You know, when they both were happy and hopeful for a better future.

Because they were *friends*. And even though maybe they weren't *best friends* because Morgana had Gwen and Merlin had Arthur, they were still close! And they still cared for each other and talked about things that they couldn't really talk to their other friends about!

And one of those things is that Morgana doesn't think she'd ever want to have sex. Ever. Like she is repulsed by the idea, girl or boy. And the idea of being married off? And being forced to have an heir she doesn't want? With someone she probably doesn't even like?

Well. That scares the fuck out of her.

And she shares this with Merlin who of course holds her hand because both of them are generally emotionally healthy at the time with physically affection and he shares that he doesn't really care for the idea of sex either. That he isn't completely repulsed by it and wouldn't mind doing it with someone he loved to make them happy but that he doesn't really see them importance of it and what all the fuss is about and that she isn't 'broken' or whatever else she believes and they cry and hug and it's nice and friendly.

They have many conversations where this comes up, a knight will make a dirty joke within hearing range and they'll look to each other across the room to make an 'ick' face before both holding back laughs.

They'll talk about how to respond Gwen and Arthur practically undressing each other with their eyes with equal disgust and fondness.

Maybe Merlin even tells her of Freya and how he thinks he might have loved her and how he doesn't think he wants to again because it took all this time to even maybe like someone romantically and it didn't end well and even though he hears everyone crave it he thinks well maybe he was in love with the idea of loving someone and having someone by his side more than he loved her and does that make him wrong somehow?

And this time it's Morgana's turn to say 'no it's not wrong!' Because she's never understood why her friendship with Gwen and him were supposed to be 'less' than whatever hypothetical romance she'll be forced to have with a man. Because everyone around them always say 'it's like friendship but more' when describing how they fell in love and it makes her stomach turn because why is one love more than another? Can't they both be important? Why is it more and why can't it just be different?

And she says that she thought it was just because she couldn't stand the idea of having sex with someone so she assumed that was why she's never had the feeling of butterflies in her stomach but she goes on with 'if you're wrong then so am I, but since you said I'm not broken then neither are you'.

And they hug and maybe they'll joke around and kiss each other on the hands to show intimacy between friends and neither of them are worried about how it could be misconstrued because they both know there's nothing romantic or sexual about it and they just smile happily.

And maybe Merlin will give her flowers because he knows she likes the purple ones even though they're thorned and maybe she'll show him how to make it into a crown and put it on him just as he puts one on her because well neither of them will be crowned because well he's just a servant and she's just a ward but that doesn't matter in Morganas room while they giggle like peasants and dance like royalty.

Not every talk is as kind as others and especially as Morganas magic gets stronger she gets more and more distant because well Merlin never thought she was broken before but well everyone has a line right?

But one night when he snuck in, he had a rough day where he almost died again and he can't tell anybody (shed also just woken up from another nightmare) so he goes to his friend and she knows he doesn't want to talk about it from the ruffle of his eyebrows (and she doesnt want to talk about it, he can tell from the slightest downward frown) so they lay on the bed and she offers her hand which he takes and they hold each other tight and curl up to share warmth with their hands held between them and neither of them can sleep but sharing this is enough for now.

And maybe- it's been a few minutes or a few hours they're not sure but the sun hasn't risen yet so when Merlin begins to talk it has nothing to do with what's bothering either of them at the moment but both of them love plans and ideas so when he says, 'if one day you are betrothed against your wishes, we could get married instead. Then neither of us would have to worry about being with someone who doesn't understand because I trust you not to take what I don't want to give and I hope you trust me for the same.'

And maybe Merlin hasn't told her about his magic because he's scared and isn't sure and maybe Morgana won't tell him about the dream (nightmare) she just had about a sister because she doesn't think he'd understand but sometimes trusting someone more than anyone else doesn't equal telling them every single thing about yourself even if it hurts to discover it after.

So when Morgana says 'well what lf they try to hurt you for it? What if they think you've enchanted me or something else just as silly. You know how Uther is.'

And they both think 'I fear him more than you know and I'd never wish you harm.'

But Merlin just smiles the tiniest smile with the hint of a dimple that always makes Morgana smile back when she sees it and says, 'Well, we'll protect each other won't we? In sickness and in health?'

And later, much much later, Merlin will give her a cup of tea and end up choosing the lives of thousands of people over her not only cause it was the right thing to do but also because he thought that's what *she* would have wanted too once upon a time when they kissed each other's hands.

And even later than that she will leave him chained up and for certain death on the side of her sister not only cause she thought he betrayed her and thought she was broken after all but also because she doesn't understand why he wouldn't support her birthright even after placing a crown on each other's head while giggling and dancing.

But for that moment in bed before anything terrible happens between then with hands entwined she snorts a little before they both grin. They stare at each other as if measuring the earnestness in each other's eyes before their smiles gentle.

'Promise?' Morgana asks. Because even though she's never been a damsel in distress who needs a prince to save her, the idea of having someone by her side... and that person being someone she trusts is something she's never allowed herself.

But of course Merlin just squeezes their hands tightly like an oath all on its own, 'I promise,' because even though he'll never be a knight, he doesn't need a sword to be there for someone he cares about.

So they smile at each other with love. Not a love that's 'more' than friendship, but they both think separately that maybe it is a little different than their love for Gwen and Arthur even if it isn't the same different kind of love between lovers.

And maybe they fall asleep like that with smiles on their faces before waking up just as dawn hits where they will pull away and Merlin will kiss her on the forehead just as she kisses him on the cheek and they will hug and go their separate ways just before Gwen comes bustling in to begin her servant work for the day. Surprised her Lady is smiling, she asks happily, 'No nightmare?'

And Morgana looks up in surprise, before smiling gently in a way that Gwen can't quite decipher, 'Oh I didn't dream at all.'

And they'll smile at each other and later at dinner she'll stick her tongue out at Merlin behind Uther and Arthur's back when they talk about the next princess for Arthur to woo and even though later it will not be well between then and even later than that it will be even worse-

Eventually they end up in the council room where there are talks about Morgana being crown princess if she is betrothed. And her brother and best friend look at her with worry in their eyes because they'd never wish her to do something against her will but for the briefest of moments, so quick only Merlin would notice, she looks down at the purple wine stain on her dress and thinks about the purple flower crown that was placed gently upon her head and says calmly, assuredly, 'Merlin' as her choice. Because hadn't she already chosen so many years ago?

And his eyes may only flicker towards her, but she only needs to look at her knife transform into a thorned purple flower, thorns just missing her hand, for her to know he's remembering the same moments as her.

'Yeah, sure.'

And maybe everyone thinks they were hiding some sort of torrid romance from them, or that they're crazy, or even that all their hostility is some sort of foreplay for hate sex of some sort.

But they don't know about the long talks they shared while laying on the ground side by side and kisses on each other's hands and flower crowns and giggles and dancing and-

They don't know how it feels to kill and be killed by someone you promised to protect and were promised to be protected by.

They don't know how it feels to go into a battle to the death with someone and wake up to see a glare on their face while their hand is entwined with yours.

So maybe the council will murmur about how the court sorceror would never let her kill for the crown and maybe Arthur and Gwen will murmur worriedly to each other about if this is a good idea? And did they miss something?

And maybe he'll trip her so she falls when she stands up so she knocks the leg of his chair so he falls with her and maybe both of them were *somehow* cushioned so it's an annoyance and not a bruise.

Just as they've always been physical with their affection (it's so important to share how you feel), they try to be emotionally healthy and share their disdain too (best not to bottle it up).

Because, well, even though she'd never take a cup of tea from him and he flinches when he sees her near some chains- when a certain song comes on well they must share a dance, don't they? And if they see some purple flowers, well, flower crowns just must be made- it'd be wrong not to.

And well, if they're married, it's quite normal for them to entwine their hands while they sleep dreamless and warm even if he wakes up with a scratchy pillow and she wakes up with hers covered in slime.

After all, what is love without some pain? And truly, love and hatred are but a slippery slope.

A promise is a promise after all.