#why did i make this post u ask? no fucking clue i just felt like infodumping

[arunneronthird]

so let me tell u a bit about jason todd, yall probably know this but let me tell the story anyway

as we all know, jason has black hair with a white stripe, or does he?

when he was created in the 80s, he was basically the perfect grayson replacement, good kid with a tragic past and a circus bg that wanted to do good and was sweet and had a beautiful relationship with batman and selina. he was also ginger

(these first images are from batman 1940)

in this timeline, jason died his hair black on his own to resemble robin

he was also the sweetest kid in existence btw

anyway someone decided that fuck that noise and remade jasons story entirely not soon after, this time hes a delinquent with good-for-nothing parents, with black hair and some interestingly violent tendencies

"jason todd was the sweet robin" my ass, anyway he became a gremlin of a robin who no one liked and then he died, v tragic (im only half joking, the writers despised him)

then he came back years later! yay! and when he came back, he looked like this

black hair, right? no white stripe yet, that one is harder to explain

so morrison, new batman writer, brings jason todd again as a ruthless antihero, and this jason is... ginger again? so basically even though he kept the delinquent jason story, he gave a wink to the first sweet boy jason

plus, this ginger jason has the white stripe! as explained here

basically, the explanation morrison gives is hes been dying his hair black all this time cause bruce needed him to look like grayson cause robin was a symbol, which honestly is kinda insane and i live for it

the problem comes further down the line, the timeline becomes a bit blurry cause flashpoint happened, n52 happened, we were all disappointed, let's move on

his next appearance is in red hood and the outlaws (i think, this timeline is insane) and he goes back to this

from this point on, i genuinely think the white hair stripe is a stylistic choice cause it makes an appearance whenever it pleases, he usually just has black hair like this

this is nightwing 2016, but it's also black in robin 2021 and robin war

he famously has the white stripe in the wayne family adventures (the canon status of that series being whatever you want it to be), it's also there in robins 2021 but uh, what was that, and gotham knights, seen here!

in conclusion: no one actually knows what color jason's hair actually is, my preferred idea is that he dyes it but does a terrible job, but honestly make canon whatever you want it to be, clearly the artists already do and i support them

[chososdiscordkitten]

life update:

im still in a rut, recently there's been a lot of construction in mai house so I haven't been getting that much sleep :( added with the horrid smokers/tuburculosis cough I had, and still having to go to work, I have been completely drained of my energy, inspiration, and money.

it has been a week since Ive last posted, and I have no fucking clue when ill post again (im so so so sorry)

it also doesn't help that people have been very mean in my inbox, and I put my life on hold to maintain this account- only to not see much progress in growth (im such an attention whore, I know) and to get back such negative marks on my writing.

by no means am I saying I am leaving this account- no. I just need a lil sabbatical where I have the opportunity to go outside on my days off, and not stay home for the sheer reason of, "I have to write." because I felt guilty for spending my free time not writing.

and I think that's why I have been so drained- ive spent allll my weekends since November saying, "no I cant go out today- I have to finish this piece before tommorrow."

people have taken advantage of my eagerness to please- being so demanding of free content and not giving me feedback on it- why spend days in my inbox asking for a req and when I finally post it- not even a reblog or a comment? whatever.

this has turned into a rant I didn't mean for it to, SORRRRYYY

anyway. I am grateful for the people who are active in my inbox and my comments, I see y'all and I love y'all for making me feel like my writing isnt some lower quality version of another author on here.

because, yes ive been told that, that I am a less talented version of a popular author on here.

and me thinks, from how much effort ive put into my fics, time, sleep, ignoring my physical needs just because I didn't wanna disappoint strangers on the internet, isnt worth it if im just gonna be compared to others on here.

I chose this- I know I did. and I will continue to choose it. I love the lil community ive built with people who I fucking appreciate sooooo very much for how much they've offered to me.

I will be back, I promise I will. my brain just hasn't been braining recently.

ive said it before- I will never fully leave this acc because I love it sooooo much, so I wont. but just for a lil bit.

if u wanna keep interacting w/ me, I have a twt where I spam shit, here it is :D

if you've read this far- KISS ME. ty for supporting me nd reading my 'lesser' writing lmaoooo

from a sad cowboy who misses choso,

Ten.

(p.s) I hate my new shower head :(

[stewyhosseini-bf]

do u think it’s strange that there was almost no mention of kendalls drug addiction/him using in this season? we got that one line in the first episode which implies he might be clean? maybe? and its never brought up again. i just cant help but find it weird bc kendalls drug use and addiction was such a big part of his character and really used to reflect what hes going through. but then again this season wasn’t very long in-universe and he was focused on a lot of other things so maybe there wasnt any necessity for him to do drugs? i might have answered my own question.

Okay that's a really good question. So in terms of why they didn't bring it up again, I literally just listened to a podcast ep where Jesse essentially answered this exact question so I'll just write down his answer here real quick:

Podcast Host #1: I don't think I've ever seen an addict on television without relapse being part of the story.

Jesse Armstrong: Yeah, yeah, and it was part of our story, but I wasn't especially intrigued by that dynamic.

Podcast Host #2: Why did you do it if you weren't that intrigued by it?

JA: It just felt right. It's that episode in the desert, it came after episode 6 of the first season. And it just felt like he was in a tough place and so we did it cause it felt right. But the episode isn't really about that. I don't want to be glib about addiction, but I think it's quite heavily covered in the culture. It's well covered in the culture. We've got some stuff to say about power and also I guess about the way that money can insulate you from some of the worst things that can happen to you if you don't have money and find yourself addicted.

I don't necessarily think the show (or Jesse for that matter) is saying he didn't relapse, but that, as with many things in this show, they just don't bring it back up again because there's no plot-related reason to. Like you know how there's a lot of those jokes about how 'x was true, it just wasn't relevant to [characters]'s journey so we never saw it' - I feel like if there's any show that this joke really works well on it's Succession lmao. Stuff will come up and then be dropped quite easily again later on, and they're not necessarily trying to make a statement by doing that. So them not mentioning it doesn't imply anything about whether Kendall is using again, it really just tells you that whatever the case may be, it's not really relevant to the plot and/or doesn't reveal anything we don't already know about the character, so there's no reason to mention it.

With Kendall, drugs are also mostly brought up either by Logan or Kendall's siblings, to point out his 'weaknesses' (just revisited this post on how the show conflates Kendall's drug abuse, him performing in a business-sense and his sexuality). I don't think there was necessarily anything new to be said about that. Kendall's also flying pretty high for most of the season, and those topics and Kendall's drug use mostly comes up when he's depressed and more hopeless, which he simply didn't really have time to be, with everything that was going on this season and with how little time passed.

This doesn't mean, though, that I think they don't put thought into whether he is sober or not or don't put in certain 'clues' (for lack of a better word) that point to that. At the start of the season Kendall kind of implies that The Hundred is keeping him occupied enough to keep him from drugs ('I need something super fucking absorbing in my life', which tells me he is trying to stay away from drugs and is asking them straight up to tell him if it's not gonna be this, so he can look for a different substitute). And I'm pretty sure the drink he orders in 4x2 is non-alcoholic (though I could be wrong, I'm going off what I've seen others say here) but as the season progresses we do see him drink, like in Norway and then also at the Tailgate Party and in the finale. Whether that means that he's using drugs again as well, I don't know, but he's clearly not staying sober. We also know he uses drugs when he's under a lot of pressure to perform, in the business-sense, which he obviously is this season, so there is that as well

[tbzloonar]

FIVE MEMORIES OF REALIZATION.

��� i had one purpose, and the purpose was to realize that that incident was the greatest mistake i have ever made in my entire life. ❜

❥ summary: an angel has granted younghoon one more chance to save his friend, and to fix the worst mistake he has ever done in his entire life—which was completely accidental. ❥ pairing: kim younghoon x gn!reader (ft. kim hyunjin of loona!) ❥ warnings: brief mention of death & vague car accident & a description of drowning, lots of swearing in the first part my bad. not medically accurate, i am not a doctor! ❥ genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers, soulmate au, life and death? ❥ word count: 3.3k (3,392 words) ❥ a/n: & here it is! finally back from my hiatus. i hope everyone enjoys this piece as much as i enjoyed writing it, i know maya has been waiting for this to drop as soon as i posted the teaser for it (hi maya hope u like this <33) also, apologies for the last part if it was kinda inaccurate (medically wise lol) already put it in the warning but this is what i was able to write with minimal research.

permanent taglist: @kimsohn @seung-scrittore @jangwonie (send an ask to be added or removed!

↳ m.list | tbz m.list

YOUNGHOON WAS FUCKED FOR SURE.

He couldn't remember anything for shit, and oh the headache he was having right now was the worst. He couldn't even see anything, even though he had his eyes open, and could feel the movement of them opening and closing as he panicked, all he saw was a color darker than the black he knew. He couldn't feel his body on a surface, it's like he was floating.

He figured this was a dream of some sort, but was starting to panic even more as he faded into sleep. His body felt weak. And then, he finally drifted off.

Only a few seconds later, he jolted awake suddenly, trying to regain his breath while desperately practicing any type of breathing exercise that came to his mind. He felt like he was drowning for a full second, hopelessly trying to reach the shore above. But there was no shore in Younghoon’s case, in fact, he had no clue where the hell he was.

He was in a white room, like—completely white. Everything there was white, the bed he was laying on, the chairs around, the tables and—wait, who is that?

There walked in a woman, everything she wore was also white, she had beautiful long and curly brown hair, thick eyebrows with long eyelashes to compliment her look. Younghoon thought she looked beautiful, if he had to say so himself.

She then laughed, “why thank you.”

Younghoon’s eyes widened in shock, did he really say that out loud? He just embarrassed himself before proper introduction.

“No, you didn’t.” The woman responded. She walked into a part of the room that looked like the kitchen, not different to any of the other rooms as it was also white. She poured some water into her cup and used a spoon to mix the solution. “Tea?”

“Um,” Younghoon by now had already guessed that she could read his mind, so he tried his best to keep his thoughts silent. “No thanks.”

“Hm, shame.” She held her white up and walked towards Younghoon, sitting comfortably on the sofa in front of him. 

“Are you an Angel?” Younghoon asked bluntly, not knowing where his sudden confidence came from. He didn’t care though, he did almost die a few moments ago. At this point, he was gonna take any type of risk without rethinking the consequences that would take place.

“Well,” she responded while laughing, “you could say that I am sort of an angel I suppose.”

“So,” Younghoon awkwardly shifted on his bed, looking around the white room for a second inspection then finally settling his eyes on the woman in front of him once more. “I’m in heaven?”

“No, you’re not.” Before Younghoon could panic, she continued. “At least not yet.”

Obviously, that did not help with calming down Younghoon. “What the hell do you mean by not yet?”

“It is as simple as you hear it Mr. Kim,” she addresses him formally which makes the situation even more awkward, at least that’s what Younghoon thinks. But that doesn’t matter now, what matters is that he doesn't know where he is, hell he might even die in a few seconds, depending on what the lady in front of him decides to do. 

“Oh, but it’s not my decision to let you die or not,” she smiles with what seems to be an attempt at a comforting smile, yet it still didn’t help Younghoon feel any better. “Believe it or not, it is yours.”

“This has to be a dream of some sort,” Younghoon curls his body up and puts his head into his hands, “you have to be fucking with me.”

“Unfortunately I am not, I can assure you that this is very much real.” She sighs before placing her cup of tea on the small table in front of her, completely ignoring the fact that he had just swore in the presence of an angel, her. “The car accident that you’ve been in a few hours ago was caused by you, and since it was ruled as an accident, you have a chance to fix your mistake. Right here, right now.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not following,” Younghoon shook his head, “I’m not even supposed to be here, I’m supposed to either die or come back alive, I don’t know! You’re the angel here.”

“Indeed I am,” she stood up and walked around the room, looking around, leaving Younghoon confused from behind her. She paused in her footsteps as she looked at a small painting of a water fountain. After some thought, she looked back at Younghoon with a sigh. “You’ve been brought back to me, so I could help you fix your mistake, and find your soulmate.”

“My soulmate is already dead.” Younghoon angrily spoke up at the mention of a soulmate, “I’ve given up already, can we let that go?”

“I’m afraid we cannot,” she smiled warmly and walked towards him, pointing her finger to his face. “I advise you to close your eyes Mr. Kim.”

Younghoon didn’t have time to react as a bright light engulfed and took over his vision completely.

FIRST MEMORY.

Younghoon slowly uncovered his eyes when he realized he couldn’t hear anything. He blinked a couple of times as he tried to regain his already gained vision. Rubbing his eyes with a sigh he quietly stood up and scanned the place around him, he looked like he was in a backroom of some sort–a storage room. There were boxes all around him, before he could even reach the boxes and uncover whatever laid under, a voice interrupted his actions.

That voice was yours.

His head whipped around for his eyes to slowly rest on your figure. You were holding two large boxes that looked quite heavy. He knew you tried to hide it, but it was pretty obvious from the facial expression on your face that you were exhausted. You placed the box on the ground and gently laid your head on a stack of boxes that reached your height. You quickly regained your composure a few seconds later as a voice called your name.

There came out of the dark an older woman, who looked to be in her 70s, walking towards you with a limp in her walk and a small smile on her face. She held your face in her hands and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you so much for helping me out child,” she took your hand and faced your palm towards the direction of the ceiling, placing a couple of coins in your hand before closing it into a fist. 

“Mrs. Lee, I’m fine really, I just wanted to help—” you attempted to persuade her, but she shook her head with a smile.

“You were the only one who helped,” she replied with the smile still on her face, although it was slowly turning into a bittersweet one. “You’re not related to me in blood, unlike my children, yet you still wanted to help.”

Her small whisper broke Younghoon’s heart, he couldn’t understand how they wouldn’t help her with such simple tasks, leaving their mother all alone in her lonely place.

She removed her hand from yours and sighed, “you could wait with me until I close up, if you wish to stay for some tea with me. Although, you are of course free to leave as always.”

You nodded tiredly as a smile formed on your face, matching the one on Mrs. Lee’s face, “I’d love to have some tea with you.”

“That’s great!” She exclaimed, very excited to talk with you later. “I will be working on the cashier, you rest here for a bit.”

With a small nod you replied, too tired to speak, watching her stand out of the storage room and walk off. As soon as you were sure that she was out of your eye sight, you collapsed. Younghoon attempted to catch you but ended up falling with you as he realized that his hand went right through you. His eyes studied your lips as they parted, trying to make the breathing process a bit easier for yourself. 

He looked back into your eyes that were staring at whatever was behind him, and slowly but shakingly tried to place your hand beside your cheek, caressing it softly and ignoring the times his hand went through you. 

Younghoon sighed as the place started to slowly fade, as well as everything in front of him.

SECOND MEMORY.

Younghoon’s eyes land on the students that walk around him, not paying attention to him. Of course, he isn’t surprised by that fact. He already has accepted that he is somehow invincible, stuck in his memories filled by you. Why you?

He questions where you are in the groups of students when a voice from behind him catches his attention. 

“I don’t think I will ever understand any homework that she assigns, I swear!”

You laugh at their comment and walk beside them, following their pace. “It’s not that bad really, maybe you just hate the professor.”

“Or maybe you’re just too good at this subject!” They exclaim at your reply of defense, “you’re like the top student in her class.”

“I guess I just understand everything that she says easily,” you shrugged your shoulders and paused your walking to face your friend, once you realized you reached their class. “Or maybe it’s because I grew up with my family’s obsession with this whole major, I guess.”

Your friend rolled their eyes at your explanation that they had already heard, from all the times that you have told them and your other friends of small bits of your childhood in nostalgic conversations. Before they could speak, you cut them off with a quick offer. “If you want, I could help you like always.”

“Oh my god yes!” Your friend accepts with a smile as they squish you with a tight yet friendly hug. “Thank you so much!”

“It’s no problem really,” you break the contact and look back at them with the same smile, “see you later?”

“I’ll see you after my class, thank you again!”

Younghoon watches the friend walks to their class with a tinge of jealousy in his eyes, he then looks back at you and raises his eyebrows when he sees you reading from your phone. He walks over to your side and reads the email that the teacher has sent, explaining the assignment. 

Now that you have— not one, but two assignments to work on for your class, you are definitely going to be busier than usual today. Younghoon wishes that he could help you, but knows he is incapable of doing anything currently.

He sighs sadly.

THIRD MEMORY.

Younghoon finds himself in a place full of crowded people yet again, though he’s not in his school’s campus, but a busy street. He is specifically in front of a random charity store. 

He feels himself slowly becoming disappointed when he notices everyone ignoring the store and going their way, realizing that the store had been empty for a while.

Just as he had been wishing, you finally walked by him. Your steps suddenly pause, as well as Younghoon who was planning to follow you and walk by your side. He watches you walk towards the shop with a worried look in your eyes, he could tell you were contemplating whether or not to get inside and donate.

With only a small amount of money in your wallet, you head into the store with an optimistic smile. Greeting the person behind the counter kindly and handing the money they had.

Younghoon watched you with a bitter smile on his face, finding it quite bittersweet. With each memory he learns more and more about your kind heart.

FOURTH MEMORY.

“Huh?” Younghoon whispers to himself as he scans the place around him, he finds the place familiar, as if he had been in it before. The brick walls of the alleyway cover him. 

“Aww, hello there,” you coo at the kittens and the mom that were excited at the smell of food, the cat food that you bought from the pet shop down the street. “Oh, aren’t you all so cute?”

He realizes from the familiar clothes that you wore, that this memory might have been made on the same day as the charity place memory.

Younghoon turned his attention from the walls onto you, who’s crouched down and petting the cats as they eat the food that you put down for them. He walks over and crouches down as well, the smile on his face blooms as he looks at your face. He wonders if he’s ever paid attention to these special facial features on your face before.  

His attention goes back to the cats in front of him. He attempts to pet them but his hands go through them obviously, yet he still pretends as if he’s petting them normally. The cat meows at him and he pauses in response, feeling surprised at the cat feeling his presence, if not even being touched by him.

He looks back at you and feels his cheek go warm as a pretty pink settles over his face. Younghoon definitely knows what his favorite memory is now.

FIFTH MEMORY.

“The flower shop, aye?” Hyunjin asks you. 

“Well, yeah I guess,” you giggle in reply, “Mrs. Lee needed some help and I offered to help around the store here and there. I also go there sometimes to just talk with her, she’s become a great friend.”

“That’s great to hear,” Younghoon snaps his head in horror as he looks at himself, sitting in his respective seat. Memory Younghoon flashes a smile while you shyly look away and back at Hyunjin, continuing the conversation.

He remembers this memory clearly, as he had been in that position before, sitting in a coffee shop with his friends, chatting about anything and everything. You were there too, which makes sense why he was viewing this memory.

Younghoon, though, was now even more confused than he was before, the lady in the white room never explained that this could be possible. But, he guesses that anything could be possible when some sort of angel is involved.

The conversation continues and eventually comes to an end, everybody packs up their stuff and leaves— including Memory Younghoon. Out of everybody, only you and Hyunjin stay.

“When are you going to tell him?”

You choke on your drink, and Younghoon raises his eyebrows in confusion, while looking back and forth at the two of you. “Tell who?” You ask and act clueless, as if you don’t know what she’s talking about.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about Y/N,” she leaned in closer and crossed her arms. She whispers angrily, "when are you going to stop ignoring those dreams? I’ve been telling you that the only possible way to end the dreams might be just to tell him about them.”

“I don’t know,” you put your cup down and bite your lip anxiously, “I can’t just walk up to him randomly and be like ‘oh hey, I’m your soulmate, by the way,’ especially after—��

“Exactly!” Hyunjin cuts you off and leans back with a scoff, “that's exactly why he deserves to know. After Younghoon has told us that there's no chance that he has a soulmate, you could change that completely. His soulmate— is you.”

Younghoon stares at your face as you continue on talking, but your voice has been blocked out from his mind. The only thing he could focus on was you, and nothing else around him. He was in shock, he couldn’t form a sound and felt like everything surrounding him was going in slow motion. 

He snapped and was brought back to reality as soon as he noticed everything around him fade, his panic began to settle in as he ran towards you and tried catching your attention. He yelled and called out your name multiple times, but to no avail, no response was said from you.

Before the bright light engulfed his vision, he screamed at the top of his lungs and declared that his soulmate was you, Y/N L/N, all along. He wished in the couple of seconds that he had left that he would be given more time with you, not in memories, but in real time. 

Younghoon’s eyes open and he stares back at the white ceiling that greeted him, panic engulfs him as he begins to think that he failed, and was sent back to the angel and the white room that he awoke in before. 

He sits up with sudden energy, and then the pain finally takes in. He shouts in pain and holds his head in both hands, breathing quick as he tries to regain his vision and focus on the furniture that is placed in front of his bed. His screams and shouts catch the attention of nurses outside the room, and as the nurses surround him with quick moves, he is brought back to unconsciousness yet again.

He wakes up a few hours later, and the headache greets him as soon as he opens his eyes, he groans and sits up— slower than last time. Younghoon looks around the room and is surprised to see a nurse there too, organizing some things in the corner. 

“Excuse me?” Younghoon speaks up.

“Yes?” The nurse replies and turns around to face him, “do you need anything?”

“Oh no,” Younghoon shakes his head then clears his throat, “just, how long have I been here?”

“About two weeks,” the nurse replies with a warm and professional smile on his face.

“The two people that were with me that day, are they okay?” Younghoon asks with worry in his voice, hoping nothing that he didn’t want to happen comes out of the nurse’s mouth. 

“Yes, they are,” he responds with the same positive energy. “Fortunately, the accident injured one and almost killed the other, but they are alive, thankfully.”

“Oh,” Younghoon couldn’t explain how relieved he felt at that moment, “thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem.”

Later that day, after laying in his bed and doing nothing but eating, he is notified that he has a visitor. He looks at the door expecting some of his family members to walk in, but is surprised to see Hyunjin walk in with a bouquet of flowers.

“Hi Younghoon,” Hyunjin places the bouquet beside him on the table and sits on the chair beside the bed. “Very good to see you alive and well.”

“Hyunjin,” he stares at her with his mouth open, unsure if he wants to tell her or not. Hyunjin tilts her head and waits for him to talk, and Younghoon talks. “I know that Y/N is my soulmate.”

Her jaw drops and the two of them sit in silence, with Hyunjin confused as ever at what she had just heard.

A week later, Younghoon had regained most control over his body, and was granted permission to visit his friends, and he knew exactly who he would visit first. He stared at the door of your room with contemplated thoughts, then finally pushed the door open and walked in. 

He closed the door behind him and looked at your surprised face, surprised that he would visit you at such a time. Before you could ask him how he was, he cuts you off with a small greeting.

“Hi soulmate,” with simple words that came from his mouth, all hell broke loose in your mind. 

Your jaw dropped at his words, similar to Hyunjin’s reaction from before, making him chuckle quietly. He watched as you looked at him with shock, stunned and dazed to the point where you couldn’t move, unable to think. You couldn’t process or think of a way of how he found out the truth. 

His smile stretched wider, Younghoon thinks to himself and decides that he had lied before, this is definitely his new favorite memory. However, he wonders. He wonders if this favorite memory would ever change, as he knows for a fact that both of your lives have now merged, creating a new future full of memories that include the both of you— together, as you two should be.

Memories that will definitely be more than five this time.

[redr0sewrites]

14, 23, 63 for the ask game!

AAA TYSM!!!! SOOO EXCITED AB THIS EHEHEH!!!! just fyi, these questions are from this post

14. (how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel? do you draw from personal experiences?)

when writing emotional things i often do use personal experience or my own feelings, but i also do try to put myself in others' shoes too! i consider myself to be pretty empathetic (to a fault sometimes), and writing too much emotional or negative content def has an effect on me. i always make sure to space out my emotional or angsty writing pieces, and overall it can be a bit challenging handling emotions in my writing!!! i def feel what the characters feel when im writing, esp when it comes to x reader fics cuz i want to make both the readers and the characters personalities as accurate as possible!!!

23. (Best writing advice for other writers?)

WRITE WHAT YOU ENJOY. im serious, if your forcing yourself to write for a fandom, character, or anything at all that you dont enjoy it will be so draining and exhausting!!! you also are NOT obligated to obey other peoples wishes when it comes to writing reqs, trust me when i say that no one else should dictate your writing or writing style. if someone doesn't like your writing, thats their problem and if people are continuously disobeying and disrespecting your requesting rules and guidelines it is VERY MUCH OK to simply not write their requests and to set that boundary. finally, never feel afraid to write or post something if it feels too "cringe" or bad, bc the more you write the more you improve!!! keeping all those ideas and creativity bottled up inside personally made me feel so misunderstood, and i felt like i had nobody who shared my interests. thats why i personally started writing fanfiction, to feel closer to my interests and share them with others!! (also coming from a fanfic writer + reader standpoint, make a masterlist PLEASE it makes finding your fics so much easier and link thirsts as well, not just fics! i see so many good writing blogs with incredible wips or thirsts or asks that i want to read, but have only like 2 fics actually on their masterlist and it takes FOREVER to scroll and find all the posts in the archives. i just find masterlists sm easier and more organized tbh!!!)

63. (something you hate to see in smut.)

THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE OR TARGETED, JUST SOME THINGS I DONT LIEK!!! i do some of these in my own writing, dont feel bad if u do this stuff, its just my preference!!!!

now, starting off- when the story starts right in the middle of the smut with NO CLUE where the characters are, what position theyre in, whats going on, like the first sentence is like "i could feel my release building as (character) thrusted into me" HOW? WHERE? WHEN???? WHY????? WHATS GOING ON???? also, when the writer is describing a position or something but 2 paragraphs later the position seems completely different with no context whatsoever- like one second the characters hitting it from the back and the next theyre sloppily making out and rubbing their chests together??? when did they move???? also when theres like NO description at ALL ab the position, liek i NEED to know what im visualizing here😭😭😭 . an unnecessary amount of dialogue is also a no-no for me, like why yall having a discussion arent u fucking😭😭😭😭. AND FINALLY. THE BIGGEST PET PEEVE OF THEM ALL. WHEN ITS TAGGED AS GN BUT THEN THE ANATOMY IS DESCRIBED AS FEM OR MASC LIKE USING COCK OR G SPOT OR PROSTATE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE GN!!!! CAN ALSO BE WHEN ITS TAGGED MALE AND THEIRS FEM ANATOMY AND VICE VERSA, WRITERS PLSSS TAG UR SMUTS ACCORDINGLY I DONT WANT GENDER DYSPHORIA WHEN TRYING TO SIMPLY READ SMUT 💀💀💀

ANYWAYSSSSS TYSM FOR ASKING!!!! FEEL FREE TO SEND IN MORE, I LOVE THIS ASK GAME SM AJSJS

[bellesowl]

kiss and make up

- multiple characters 

⤷ atsumu, sakusa

genre: (an attempt at) angst to fluff ; established relationship, timeskip 

synopsis: in which you have an almost relationship-ending argument

word count: 2.1k total - about 1k each

warnings: fighting (obv), being called a burden, the boys are kinda mean but they make up for it i swear

- a/n: tbh i was kinda getting sick of writing just fluff so i wanted to spice it up a lil! if this sucks i’m probably going to stick to fluff fics but i think it should be fine? this one also only has 2 characs cause idk how i would be at writing angst LMAO if this does well enough i’ll post the one i have written w kuroo and iwa <3 but i feel like this kinda sucks so oh well

- thank u @kybabi for beta-ing <3

- miya atsumu

you n atsumu have been together since high school which is why you’ve always been inseparable

you went to the same college & moved in together right after, but once he got his job with the jackals, he insisted that you didn’t work and focused on getting your master’s degree

you reluctantly agreed, if only to be able finish & earn your phd soon after

because atsumu is always busy, it’s kinda become commonplace for you to do the chores around the house- like doing the laundry or washing the dishes or cooking dinner for him

but it’s gotten to the point where he expects it

atsumu sighs, unlocking the door to your shared apartment. today’s practice was rough, it was a day of hard conditioning and bad sets and he wanted nothing more than a good meal and to cuddle. the first thing he noticed when he walked in was the mess. instant ramen bowls were scattered everywhere, empty coke cans and dirty napkins were all over the floor, and there you were, in the eye of the hurricane. the second thing he noticed was that there was no homecooked meal.

surprised, he walks into the dining room to see you, furiously typing away at your laptop with four different books surrounding you. you hear his footsteps and look up.

“hey baby! how was practice?” you ask with a smile

atsumu grunts in reply and gestures toward the kitchen, “so.. what’s for dinner babe?”

your eyes widen, “oh shoot! i’m sorry, i was so busy studying for this final that i forgot to cook. do you mind-“ you stop when you see him roll his eyes and head out.

“um, where are you going? you just got home?” you ask, following him.

“out. i have to get food somehow” he replies, “especially because my useless s/o can’t cook a goddamn meal for me” he mutters under his breath

you stop in shock because did he really just say that?

“i’m sorry, i don’t think i heard you right.” you start but he interrupts you

“i said, i have to go get food because someone is too busy to cook a goddamn meal. what do you even do anyways- well, besides spend my money? the least you can do is cook for me, god.” he finally turns to look at you but he feels his heart stop at the look on your face.

not wanting to escalate the situation any further, you try to calm him down, “tsum, hey, i’m sorry i forgot to cook okay? this is my last final before the year ends and i just can’t afford to fail it, so i’ve been studying all day. if you come back to the kitchen, i’ll make you something, okay?”

“i don’t want to eat your half assed attempt at a meal, y/n. the whole point is that you couldn’t get off your ass for an hour to cook when i make the money, i paid for the apartment, hell, i’m even paying for your school! is it really too much to ask for you to stop being such a burden and cook and clean everyday?” he fumed.

you gape at him, shocked that he would even say that. to hell with not escalating things

“at least i want to do something more with my life than hit balls around and retire at 35” you hiss, “and i do everything in this house! i do the laundry, i clean the bathroom, i cook - i do all the things you refuse to. and do i complain? no. i offered to get a job but you refused.”

you turn around to grab your laptop and your textbooks, “just- just do whatever the hell you want to, atsumu.” and with that you walk out the door.

atsumu’s heart drops when he realizes that you actually left. sure, you’ve had arguments here and there, but you’ve never left. he pulls out his phone to call you when he sees you’ve left yours on the counter. knowing there’s nothing to do but wait at this point, he begins to clean up and calls osamu over.

-

it’s already 3 am when you walk back into your apartment, and you blink multiple times when you open the door. it’s ... clean? you’re sure it was a mess when you left, so how would it be clean? you sigh, too tired to think about it more and walk into the kitchen. your eyes widen at the sight. not only is your favorite food on the stove, but there your boyfriend is, asleep on the dining table. you smile slightly, well that explains things.

“ ‘’mu, hey, wake up babe.” you kiss him lightly and shake him.

he grunts and sits up, “baby! i’m so so sorry for what i said. you are in no way, shape, or form a burden, i have no clue why i said that. today’s practice was just really tiring, but i know i shouldn’t have taken it out on you. just please-” he sighs, “just please don’t leave me again.”

your heart breaks your teary eyed boyfriend. “shh, of course baby. i’ll never leave you again okay?” you say, tugging on his arm, “cmon babe, let’s go to bed, okay?”

“mm okay my love.” he replies and practically pulls you into bed. “i love you, okay?”

“i love you too baby.” you reply

“to the moon and back?” he asks

“yeah, and to infinity and beyond.” you reply, your lack of sleep hitting you hard

“oh, i didn’t know i was dating buzz lightyear”

you let out a loud laugh and just like that you both fall into the same routine, love radiating off both of you in waves.

- sakusa kiyoomi

dating sakusa was,, challenging

it definitely took him a while to get comfortable with you

so you guys have been dating for a couple years now, and at this point he’s def clingy

however there still moments when he reverts to his old self

this just happened to be one of those times

“OUT! AND JUST LIKE THAT, EJP RAIJIN TAKES THE WIN AGAINST THE BLACK JACKALS!”

the stadium is silent before the ejp cheering section erupts in cheers. you stay silent, watching your team below. you watch as sakusa stills, still in disbelief. you make your way down, practically sprinting to your boyfriend.

he sees you on the sideline and makes his way over to you. you put on your biggest smile and attempt to make him feel better.

“you did great, kiyo! you’ll get them next time, yeah?” you beam, knowing how hard he’s been training to beat his cousin

he eyes you warily, not knowing what to say.

usually, sakusa gets pretty clingy after games, so you you move to give him a hug.

“don’t touch me” he barked, jerking away from you. “if you hadn’t been distracting me, we would’ve won.”

you stare at him, refusing to let the tears flow. you both turn when you hear a certain setter yelling at the opposing middle and you sigh.

“um, okay then. i’ll see you at home, yeah?” you ask

sakusa merely nods and makes his way over to his teammates. you look around to see if anyone saw what just happened and you lock eyes with your boyfriend’s cousin, who walks over.

“congrats on the win komori! you guys did so well!” you cheered

“thanks, y/n! and i’m sorry about kiyoomi. i’m sure you know he gets that way sometimes.” he explains

you smile and shake your head, saying that you’re used to it and you both bid your farewells. as you walk out of the stadium, you think back to how your boyfriend, the one person you loved with everything you had in you, utterly embarrassed you in front of his whole team. before you know it, silent tears start streaming down your face. 

you enter your home and immediately rush to the bathroom. you draw yourself a bath and make some dinner while waiting. you assume that kiyoomi wouldn’t be home to have dinner with you anyways- and now that you think about it, you can’t remember the last time you had dinner together. after you finish your bath and eat your dinner, you decide to wait up for boyfriend and watch a couple episodes of your favorite show to pass the time. 

-

kiyoomi walks into his apartment at around 1 am, completely and utterly exhausted. he kicks his shoes off and drops his bag on the floor. The rustling rouses you from sleep and you sit up.

“hey kiyo” you say with a yawn, “where’ve you been all night?” 

sakusa ignores you in favor of getting ready for bed and you frown when he brushes past you. 

“kiyo, babe, what’s wrong? you’ve been ignoring me all night and i-” you start but he interrupts you before you can finish. 

“god, just shut up, y/n. can’t you tell i don’t want to talk to you right now? i’ve already had the worst day, i don’t need you making it any worse.” he snaps

"kiyoomi, look, i understand you’re upset but you shouldn’t take it out on me.” you reason, reaching out towards him, “listen, i’m here if you wanna-” 

“i said, do not touch me.” he seethes. “you are so fucking clingy y/n, lord, let me breathe a little.”

with those words, you explode. “you know what, sakusa,” he flinches when he hears his last name come out of your mouth, “i think i have the right to want to spend some time with my boyfriend! i haven’t seen you in god knows how long- you leave before i wake up and i fall asleep in an empty bed. i’ve been working my ass off to get some time off to watch your stupid volleyball game and what do you do? you embarrass me in front of your whole team!”

you sigh, wiping away the tears that continue that continue to fall. “listen, i don’t want to fight right now. i’m going to go stay at a friend’s house for the night, alright? i’ll see you tomorrow” you say, grabbing your purse. “if you’re even home tomorrow,” you add under your breath.

sakusa is in shock. the moment he saw your tears start to spill, he felt an undeniable and unrelenting ache in his chest that only seemed to grow with every work that came out of your mouth. and when the door shut? sakusa fell on his knees, his heart dropping. he truly couldn’t believe he said that to you. now all he had to do was wait till you got home.

-

2:38 pm - you check the time on your phone before pulling out your keys. you hope you made the right move, choosing to come back home while kiyoomi was still at practice. you open the door and the sight causes your eyes to widen.

there, on the couch with your favorite flowers in hand, is your boyfriend. he hears the door open and stands up abruptly.

“y/n, my love, i am so sorry. i truly cannot express how horrible i feel, and i cannot begin to understand how you feel.” he takes a deep breath, seemingly holding back tears. “i- i do love you. i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. i know i’m not the best at expressing it, but you mean the world to me- no, you are my world. without you, i don’t know what i would do. so please-” his voice cracks, “just, please give me another chance?”

you run towards your boyfriend, practically tackling him. “kiyo, baby, of course. i love you too, you know? you just can’t do that anymore, yeah? you shouldn’t feel like you have the right to embarrass me just because you had a bad day. and please, don’t call me clingy? i know i do stick to you like glue sometimes, but that’s just because i never see you anymore.” you reply.

“that will all change, darling.” he answers sincerely, “i’ll make more time for you, i swear. in fact, i’ll take the week off, how does that sound?” at the sight of your smile, he relaxes.

“that sounds wonderful, yoomi.” you answer

sakusa feels the weight that’s been dragging him down lift and he realizes the effect you have on him- you’re his breath of fresh air. he also realizes how utterly idiotic it was to push away the one person who could make him feel better.

it’s fine, he reasons, he’ll just never make that mistake again. he swears it.

[yanbub]

when you ignore him as a joke/prank

various x gn!reader

hcs, sfw, fluff??? idk, no cws, 648 words

plz reblog cutely kneels for u

note: hi happy 1.5k heres the all wanted post as promised <33 i didnt write on ny conclusions for this bc i got Lazy so pls lmk if you wanna know on how'd they react to it when they know it was just a joke !!

summary: you decided to prank him by ignoring him completely as if you two didn't know each other. how will he react to it? (dainsleif not included bc i didnt think of anything for him;;;;)

the one who panics and worries

thoma, diluc, zhongli and xiao

they have no idea if they did something wrong. did they do something to offend you? did they forget something you told him? there's no clue. all of the sudden you just started to act like he doesn't exist - as if you were total strangers even! 

thoma would pace around the room, his hand on his chin and he would think of reasons why you were to ignore him. there has to be a reason, right? it isn't like you to just act like that. your relationship was fine when this happened too! what could possibly be the answer? no matter how long he thinks, thoma would never get an answer to his problem.

diluc is confused. very confused, in fact. were you not up for any interactions? but he sees you conversing with sara from good hunter casually. that couldn't be it. but diluc is… just very confused. he'd question on what the fuck is happening trying to piece your recent behavior to the one you have now. 

zhongli sighs at the thought of this situation with you. if you simply just wanted a break from a relationship, you could've just told him. his gaze lands on you talking ever so casually to hu tao, wondering if you still even remember that he too is in the same area as you.

xiao is worried. he knows that he's still trying to understand human emotions but he didn't know that you'd act like this. you chat with verr goldet like you usually do but he doesn't hear you asking for his whereabouts like he usually does. it makes him sad, were you getting tired of him? did you perhaps decide to leave so soon? but you would say that to him if you really felt that way.

the one who knows that it but plays along

kaeya, kazuha, childe, albedo

he was quick to realize that this is all a prank but would it be that bad to play along? he's sure it wouldn't, any time spent with you is already worth it for him anyways. what's so different about playing a prank?

kaeya stares at you as he looks at how you're having fun talking to venti. you know he's looking at you - venti knows it too, he was in on the plan after all. but you don't know if kaeya's stare held jealousy, if it held hurt, or if it's just overall a blank stare.

kazuha smiles at your prank, he had a feeling it was a joke. you are usually the one who approaches him and he knows that you are never the one who'll just leave him immediately. he sighs at you, and plays along with your little prank. maybe your reaction to him knowing from the start would be more interesting than this whole thing.

childe was confused at first but he soon noticed that it was a prank. you talked with zhongli over a cup of tea, him being at a nearby table. he thinks of a way to get back but honestly? him just being really clingy to you will already make you regret this whole situation.

albedo is used to pranks. but he certainly didn't expect it coming from you. however, overhearing kaeya and klee talking about your prank in the headquarters of the knights of favonius, he sighed. he shouldn't be eavesdropping - but he heard your name and just by that he was already invested in the conversation. but he wouldn't want to see you so disappointed because your prank failed so he ponders for a moment - it wouldn't be so bad to play along in your prank for him a bit, no?

[remcycl333]

you don’t need to be happy to be manifest!! but...

who doesn’t want to be happy?

(long post alert, sorry in advance lol. but please read it all the way through, i really think it’ll be worth it<3)

ok, to preface this, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. i’ve manifested great, positive things while i was in depressive episodes. i manifested wonderful things with tears streaming down my face. BUT, i think something a lot of people overlook is that it’s really beneficial to feel positively about your desires.

this is something i realized a few months ago, saw great results from, and then forgot all about and, well, stopped seeing the progress i wanted. but i’m back on track now, don’t you worry.

(i’m going to be using the example of my sp, bc that’s what i have the most experience with, but this applies to literally anything u r manifesting) 

i’ve made a few other posts saying pretty much what i’m about to say in this next paragraph, so if you’ve already read those, i’m sorry for repeating myself. just bear with me lol. 

so i came to a realization a few months ago--and i don’t exactly remember how i came to this realization--that i kind of...hated my sp? like i fucking resented him. and i was like, wait a minute, that’s not right. i love my sp. that’s why i’m trying to manifest him! so why do i feel like this?

i used to focus on manifesting in steps, so naturally the first step was contact. so i’d be affirming all day every day “my sp is texting me right fucking now😡“ (and other variations) and then when he didn’t text me, it’d just make me angry at him. but technically, he didn’t even do anything wrong?? sure he didn’t text me, but he had no clue he was supposed to? idk it was all complicated and weird. and then when i wasn’t mad that he didn’t text me, i was having arguments with him in my head, preparing for some weird fight that my brain just assumed was going to happen whenever we did get into contact. which is weird, bc my sp and i never fight. like, this is my ex. yet i literally cannot tell you a single fight that we have ever had. we literally get along perfectly. we have never fought (or even argued) once in all the time that we’ve known each other. yet my brain was always fighting him. and it was just, exhausting?

and so one day, when i was troubleshooting, i realized: rem, if you were in a relationship right now with your sp, would u hate him? would u be constantly fighting with him? god i fucking hope not! 

now, what would i be thinking? i’d be laying in bed at night, hugging my pillow, thinking about how much i love him. reflecting on how happy he makes me, how perfect he is, how good he makes me feel. i’d be thinking about how he is the most perfect boyfriend i could ever have asked for. i’d be content after spending a long day with him, excited to spend the next day with him as well. 

and during the day i wouldn’t be wondering why he wasn’t texting me. if anything, i’d be wondering why he was texting me considering we were literally hanging out, together, at that very moment! 

i would trust him. i’d be walking on cloud nine. i’d be content. i’d be...happy. 

now, in no way am i saying that you need to be happy 24/7, or dancing on air, or feeling intense butterflies in your stomach. you’re allowed to have other emotions. you’re allowed to feel anger, you’re allowed to break down and cry! you’re allowed to have bad days. but if you’re feeling these negative emotions about your desire, i want you to try your hardest to release them. i don’t think any of us want to have breakdowns over our manifestations and cry about them, but if it happens, it happens. just pick yourself up afterwards--or stop it before it even really begins, trust me, it gets easier to do this--and maybe do a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, and remind yourself why you’re on this journey in the first place. once again using the sp example, it’s because you love your sp. because they are perfect for you! they make you happy. you love their smile, their laugh, the witty conversations you have with each other. you love being in their arms.  you love when they’re in your arms! they did something that made you fall in love with them, or want to be in a relationship with them. what was it? focus on that. 

enough with the sammy ingram (i could go on a whole rant about her) style affirmations. with the “he’s going to fucking text me, he has no choice, he’s my fucking boyfriend and he does what i say.” like....ew?? i used to say shit like this, and it was really what started making me resent my sp. i was ordering him around in my head, creating this weird dynamic between us (which, he wasn’t even aware was there), and getting mad when he wasn’t doing what i was ordering him to do. looking back, it was borderline psychotic. it was just turning it into me against him, and that’s not what i wanted at all. i want to be in a relationship with him, with mutual love. i don’t want to be his boss, or his mom, or his fucking military sergeant!! (i don’t even know if that was the proper term bc fuck the military, but u guys know what i mean lmfaooo)

(disclaimer if u use these types of affirmations and they work for you, go for it. but i used them for a while and they just weren’t it for me. carry on)

i guess what i’m trying to say is, those affirmations weren’t making me feel good. they weren’t making me feel like a “boss ass bitch”. they were making me feel...like a bitch. and strangely, powerless. i’d say these affirmations, or just bland ones where i wasn’t necessarily demanding my sp to throw himself at my feet and kiss my shoes and tell me he is nothing without me, and ultimately, if i wasn’t feeling resentment, i was feeling...nothing. 

once again, i want to make this so so so clear, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. but my belief? if your affirmations aren’t making you feel joy, or excitement, or contentment, then what’s the fucking point? if you think of your desire, and don’t feel positive feelings about it, then you might have lost your way a little. 

don’t worry!! it’s an easy fix. easy, and even...fun? rewarding? comforting? i just want you to take some time--laying in bed at night is the perfect time to do this in my experience--to think about why you want your desire so badly. do you want money? think of how great life is going to be once you have it. of all the stuff you’re going to buy, for yourself, and maybe even for others. don’t focus on the problems you want to fix with it right now. think of that clothing item you’ve had your eye on, or that book you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t felt like “wasting” money on. think of how excited you are to buy those things, because you’re going to! think of the good. not the bad.

remember: you create more of what you focus on. focus on the good, get the good. focus more on the bad...get more of the bad. 

your manifestation is done. it is created. it is on it’s way to you. it is here! all there’s left to do is feel excited. it’ll be here any moment now, how fucking exciting is that! it’s safe for you to be happy. it’s safe for you to focus on the feelings you would have if you had it, rather than focus on affirming specifically to bring it to you. it is safe to be happy. 

i used to affirm solely for contact, all day every day, and sometimes i’d get it. but it’d be short lived, my sp would be distant, etc. but then once i started focusing on truly living in the end and basking in my love for my sp, thinking about how perfect and amazing he is, i not only got contact (without having to specifically affirm for it), but he was actively engaged in our conversations, making up new topics to keep the conversation going, asking me about and expressing interest in my hobbies and interests, bringing up and reminiscing on old memories of our previous relationship, complimenting me, flirting with me, asking me to hang out, etc. shit i was not getting when i was “he is so fucking in love with me and he’s texting me right fucking now”-ing all day long. i started focusing on how amazing and perfect and good to me he was, and that’s exactly what i got in my reality. who would’ve thunk? 

and you know what? yeah, he fucking loves me. he misses me and he wants to be with me. but that’s a given. but that doesn’t fucking matter. i am the only person who matters in my reality!! sure he loves me, but do i love him??? that’s what the universe wants to know. that’s what truly fucking matters. the universe brings me my desires. so i’m gonna fucking desire it! 

guys, please trust me on this. just try it out, with whatever you’re manifesting. this could be what you’re missing. this could bring your manifestation to you. i promise, if you’re like i was and feel resententment or anger or hatred towards your desire, this is going to make you feel so fucking good. just stick with this for a week or two. i promise, you’ll see movement.

and remember, there is no one to change but self. don’t change them (or it), change your perception of them (or it). 

let’s make manifesting fun again!!! it’s the perfect tool to bring happiness into your life. so fucking let it!!!! 

so no, you don’t need to be happy in order to manifest. but....maybe, just maybe, prioritizing your happiness isn’t such a bad thing. i mean, who doesn’t want to be happy?

[babyboibucky]

Salt, Sugar and Viruses

Pairing: Office!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You’ve been secretly making coffee for Bucky at the office.

Word Count: 1,962

Warnings: Two idiots just doing idiot things

A/N: This was done in a haste so I kinda hate it lol but I can’t get this story out of my head and thanks to @bitchassbucky for pushing me to write a full fic of this 🥰 luv u 🥺

MAIN MASTERLIST

"You have a crush on Barnes' grumpy ass?!" Sam choked out.

You angrily hushed him and frantically looked around the pantry to make sure that your secret was still safe. Fortunately, only you, Sam and Nat were inside having your respective afternoon breaks.

"What? He's nice. And cute." you told Sam as you stirred your coffee, smiling to yourself at the thought of your office crush, Bucky.

"How'd you even meet him, he works all the way at the IT department." Sam asked.

Nat snorted recalling the encounters she witnessed for the past few months. Some of which were unintentional but most of them? You had carefully planned out just so you could come up with an excuse to request for Bucky's assistance.

"She might have gotten viruses in her computer once...or twice. Or thrice." Nat teased.

The first time you met Bucky was when most of your files suddenly got corrupted. It was hella embarrassing because you didn't know shit about how computers worked and well, you've been illegally downloading torrents since the office's internet connection was a gift from the internet gods. Without a doubt, your computer was a nest for viruses.

Bucky showed up in your floor that morning and you almost sunk into your seat from shame. You'd heard the IT Department complain about everybody else in the office messing up their computer systems. When you turned around, Bucky greeted you with a charming smile and soft hello. You could still remember how he felt when he stayed behind you as you sat on your chair, bending over to take your mouse in his hand.

God, he smelled so good you almost turned your head to nuzzle your face into his neck.

He was very soft-spoken you realized; Bucky was kind enough to walk you through the process and to be honest, you couldn't recall a damn thing he said. Something about firewalls? And shields? Whatever, you didn't really listen. You just stared at Bucky as he explained everything, solving your problem in less than fifteen minutes.

Since then, your crush for Bucky grew bigger. You'd entered the elevator together a couple of times, shared small conversations that made your heart flutter. When those little moments didn't seem enough, you started your devious plan to fuck up your computer a bit. By the third time Bucky fixed your computer, he was already comfortable enough to tease you for being a "virus magnet".

"Hello? Young lady, come back to earth." Sam snapped his finger right in front of your face, interrupting your thoughts.

You clicked your tongue at him and swatted his hand away. "If you ever tell this to anyone, Wilson. You are dead." you warned, poinitng a finger at him.

Sam rolled his eyes, "It's so unfair how he's kind to you. Last time I requested for his assistance he got all smug and grumpy at me." he complained.

Nat shook her head in amusment, "That's because you've been downloading porn. You know the IT department can access our browser histories, right?"

You choked on your coffe, "WHAT?!"

Nat narrowed her eyes at you, "You been up to no good for you to react like that?"

You faceplamed, "I've been stalking his Facebook account."

Sam chortled, "What are you, in high school? Jesus, calm down. You're gonna be fine. Why don't you just tell him you like him?"

You made a face, "I'm not Nat to have the guts to do that."

Nat hummed, bringing her mug to the sink to wash it. "Why don't you start by making him coffee?"

"I don't know how he likes his coffee."

You received a pointed look from both your friends. You groaned in defeat, "Okay, fine. I know how Bucky likes his coffee."

Nat smirked, "Stalker."

-

Bucky always arrived in the office half an hour before nine in the morning. This gives him time to settle into his cubicle, buy a sandwich at the stall downstairs and to make himself a cup of coffee. It was his daily routine and upon going back to his desk after buying his breakfast sandwich, Bucky was surprised to see a cup of newly brewed coffee on his desk.

He looked around but there were no signs of anyone. There wasn't even a note of some sort. Carefully, he brought the cup to his face and inhaled its scent. Shrugging, he took a tiny sip.

-

"How's the little secret admirer doing?" Nat asked, grabbing a chair and sitting down beside you.

You deadpanned, "I've been leaving him his coffee for an entire week now and nothing's happened yet."

Nat frowned, "Are you kidding me? Why would you expect for something to happen when you haven't been leaving any clues?" she said.

"I'm shy, okay?! Maybe I should hide somewhere, check for his reaction. See whether I have a chance." you shrugged.

It was stupid of you to leave the coffee on Bucky's desk. You never stayed to wait for him. You just left it there without a note or anything that would even give him a clue about you and your little crush on him. You knew the reason why, of course. You were afraid of rejection. Sometimes, you'd feel like you have a chance with him since he was always so kind and warm to you. Not to mention, everyone in the office knows him to be grumpy but around you, he was totally the opposite of that.

But then again, maybe he was just nice to you because you were nice to him too.

-

One morning after leaving Bucky his coffee, you finally decided to leave him a note. You ran back to your cubicle to get a post-it and a pen. Before you could even walk around your desk, you spotted Bucky headed over to the pantry, the cup of coffee in his hand.

"Fuck, okay. Maybe I should just directly ask him out?" you thought to yourself.

You quickly followed Bucky into the pantry and almost whined when you saw that Sam was inside as well. You widened your eyes at him, signalling for him to leave but Sam was preoccupied on observing Bucky who seemed to be in a bad mood.

"Rough morning?" Sam just had to ask as you awkwardly stood by the doorway, finding the right timing to butt in.

Bucky's forehead creased as he let out a huff, "Rough weeks, actually." he answered.

You opened your mouth to say something comforting, wanting to lift Bucky's spirits up but he turned around and glanced at you and then back to Sam.

"Does anyone hate me in this office?" Bucky asked.

You and Sam exchanged looks, both of utter confusion before shaking your heads in unison. "Why'd you ask?" Sam asked.

Bucky lifted the cup of coffee that you made, "Someone's been making me coffee." he stated.

You cleared your throat, "...is it bad?" you asked.

Bucky made a face, "Terrible actually."

Ouch.

"I mean, the first time I saw it I was actually flattered. And then I took a sip and it's just...salty." Bucky said, pouring the coffee into the sink before throwing it into the bin.

Sam's head snapped towards your direction, his face almost red from biting back a laugh. Your face heated up at the realization that you've been putting salt into Bucky's coffee instead of sugar. All this time. You wanted to disappear right then and there. And Sam had to be the one to witness your huge failure.

"I thought it was a mistake since the next day, there was another coffee on my desk. I tried it out and it's still salty. It lasted a week, you guys. And I was dumb enough to keep on tasting it in hopes that it might have been a genuine mistake. But now I'm starting to think that someone hates me that much to fuck my coffee up." Bucky explained, face scrunched up into a mixture of irritation and curiosity.

Sam failed to stifle his laughter and exploded, "Funniest shit I've ever heard." he told Bucky before standing up and making his way to the door where you stood.

Your face was red and if the salt and sugar mishap was already humiliating enough, Sam decided to make things even worse for you.

"You really need to check the labels before pouring shit into his coffee." and with that, Sam gave your shoulder a squeeze before leaving the pantry.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. When you opened them, Bucky was staring at you with an expression you couldn't paint.

"Did you...were you the one leaving me coffee?" he asked.

You secretly pinched yourself in the arm to check whether you were just dreaming. Fuck, you hoped you were having a nightmare but the pain that you felt made it clear that you totally fucked up.

You nodded in embarrassment.

"You hate me that much?" Bucky asked in disbelief, as if he was offended that out of all people, it had to be you.

You quickly shook your head, "No, God no! I just...it's because I..." you stammered, trying to find the courage to spit out the words you've been dying to tell Bucky.

Bucky tilted his head, "Because you...?" he urged.

Your hands balled into fists as you let out another deep breath. Bucky probably hates you right now, but whatever. This was your only chance and to hell, you were going to confess.

"Because I like you?"

You didn't think that Bucky's confused look could even turn more...well, confused. But he was looking at you incredulously as though you've grown a second head, or a third head.

"You like me so you decided to put salt in my coffee?" he asked again.

You honestly didn't know who sounded even more stupid now, you or Bucky. Because if he still didn't understand what was going on, he was dense as fuck.

"No!" you explained. "I wanted to make you a decent cup of coffee but I guess I was too careless and didn't realize that I've been putting in salt instead of sugar." you said.

Bucky didn't say anything after that. He just stared at you, but he didn't seem confused anymore. If any, he looked like he was processing the entire situation.

"You like me." he stated again.

Will your embarrassment ever end?!

"Yes, Bucky. And I messed up my chance and you know what? I'm just going to show myself out and leave you alone." you told him and forced a fake grin before attempting to walk out.

A hand gripped your wrist, pulling you back into the pantry. This time, Bucky was the one who looked embarrassed.

"I might have...done something pretty stupid too." he said, avoiding your gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck.

You eyed him suspiciously, "What do you mean?"

"I uhh...I did something to your computer...the day before you requested for my assistance for the first time." Bucky admitted shyly.

It was your turn to get muddled at Bucky's confession. "But why?" you asked.

Bucky offered a shy smile, "Because I've been seeing you around the building and thought you were cute."

And then everything clicked. It was a light bulb moment for the both of you.

"Oh. Ohhh okay. I see." you said before suddenly breaking into laughter.

Bucky joined you and scratched his head, "I guess we're both idiots." he said, placing his hands inside his pockets as he stared at you.

"This went...way more interesting than I thought." you said with a nod.

There was a pause before you decided to speak up, "So, do you want coffee?"

Bucky beamed at you as he nodded, "As long as you'll use sugar this time."

-

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar  @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @i’m-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @tcc-gizmachine @prettyintopeerpressure​ @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit​ @bloodhon3yx​ @dressed-in-prada​ @lizette50​ @​thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess 

Sign up on my tag list here - https://forms.gle/b5haFXewSKqnXxxh7

[yeoreos]

avid || jjk (m)

pairing: demon!jungkook x human!reader

genre: 18+, smut

summary: jungkook finds you at a bar and sets you as his night's target

warnings: oh lord smut. lots and lots of smut.

wc: 4k

note: i was kind of lazy to finish it, but hey, its 4k of foreplay; nothing beats that! (also sorry for not posting in a while i was busy with beginning of year exams *cries*)

jungkook first noticed you in a bar. on weekends, it was transformed into a seedy nightclub. he liked to go there while he was looking for something to eat; something to conquer for the night. he discovered a plethora of attractive females and, each with broken hearts and hungry gazes - all yearning for a nighttime lover.

he never believed his eyes when they landed on you. the state you were in was pitiful. he guessed that you had just broken up with this boyfriend of yours, hence the mascara and ruined makeup on your face. or perhaps it was a platonic breakup. despite your state, his mahogany orbs never left your figure. what a cute thing you were.

a pretty face that was exactly his type, the perfect curves of your tits, hips, and ass has his knees weak. if you were to ask, he would give.

of course, his initial plan had been thrown out the window the instant he saw you. you leaned against the bar, accepting an order, with a grin on your lips. It sparked something in him, all the confidence (whether it be from the alcohol in your veins or not, it didn't matter to him) and allure.

he knew your name. how could he miss the way your own name rolled off of your tongue so easily? how could he miss the way your lips formed a smirk after seeing jungkook? how could he miss your scent when you pulled him in to kiss you?

this was jungkook's specialty, depravity. wherever he went, he brought a tale of wickedness and depravity with him, the quality hooking onto him like a magnet.

he was a fallen angel, to be sure. a demon, a fallen angel. to be more specific, an incubus. he fed off of sex and vice, appetites and irrational cravings. he drank often in front of ladies like you, at bars or in beds, whose gazes wracked over him, and he fed off of human energy.

over time, after a handful of centuries, he had gotten bored of playing the same old games in bed. jungkook knew what he wanted, however, he was never able to satisfy that itch in the back of his throat, yearning for something to quench his sinful thirst.

he was tired, watching from atop the hill nearby, where he watched the sun rest for the night. just like you had. the darkness of the night overtook the city of seoul and jungkook knew it was his hour to strike; to feed his thirst.

so, the demon went after you, hovering over your small figure over the pathetic excuse of a bed. the soft rising and falling of your chest and the soft snores that escaped from your mouth once in a while, was all the proof jungkook needed that you were fast asleep.

jungkook extended his hand towards you, brushing his knuckles on your cheek, a tremor coursing through his body as a result of the contact. the energy you were emitting caused every molecule in his body to twitch in response. captivating.

oh how badly he wanted a taste.

when you stirred a little, a small groan leaving your lips, jungkook stilled. had you woken up? however, it was just a small movement you were causing in your sleep which allowed you to further curl up against the pillow.

he grinned.

it was time.

"let's go in that dream of yours, shall we?"

-

when he opened his eyes again, jungkook didn't expect himself to be in the same bar, be in the same exact position as before. however, this time, you were looking directly at him with your hungry eyes, mimicking his.

ever since heaven had decided to clip his wings, jungkook gave up on the little purity he had left, letting himself follow his heart.

so that's why he felt no shame in eyeing your figure up and down multiple times.

it wasn't necessarily anything that stood out about you, but it was just the aura you were giving off, that sweet feminine scent that lingered near the air around you, that small curve of your lips. but it might have mostly been the way you called for him, despite not knowing his name.

"hello, handsome."

jungkook didn't really have a preference when coming to his targets. he didn't prefer virgins; he always thought that they were inexperienced and didn't know how to give a good head. he didn't prefer the experienced either; he always thought that they knew too much and made the sex too sloppy. it was somewhere in between. and by the looks of it, you seemed like the perfect target. it had his insides churning, a long yearning for a good fuck. he thought he was going crazy.

throughout his centuries of living, he saw empires and clans of royalty fall and rebuild itself, being reborn. he didn't go out of his way to feel good, but he took whatever the universe offered to him. in this case, it was you.

when the surroundings suddenly changed to a much quieter one, where no one was bumping into each other, jungkook furrowed his eyebrows. it did not, however, take him long to notice that you were in the premises of your bedroom, the small plants on your windowsill being a huge clue.

“who are you?” you inquired, your voice scarcely audible. smirking, the man took a step forward. in contrast to his sparkling eyes, the moonlight from the window follows his body flawlessly, giving him a blue tone on his skin. you became aware of his exposed skin due to his lack of clothing. as you took in his powerful body, a flicker of longing tingled between your legs.

the man stayed deafeningly silent. instead, the man crept onto the bed, trailed by what appeared to be a shadow. you kept a tight eye on his every move because you couldn't move. you felt yourself spreading your legs wide as he crept over top of you. you had a tremendous want to feel him and be completely consumed by him.

despite being a demon, a sex demon (literally), jungkook still understood the morals of consent, making sure it was his top priority. after all, he wouldn't want it if he was in your position.

"are you okay with what's going to happen?" his words were like a captivating chime in your ears, quickly relaxing you and making you desire more. you found yourself placing our hands on his shoulders in order to feel his silky skin. how was it possible for a man to be both burning hot and icy cold at the same time? the dampness between your legs was unbearable, and you were drawn to him with all your might. your nipples perked beneath your shirt as you didn’t wear a bra to bed, you remembered. this made sense. something you remembered vividly. just a shirt and panties was all you wore to bed. clearly you must be dreaming, so you may as well indulge without regret.

"y-yes." you dropped your hands to grasp your shirt and pull it over your head to display your nakedness while looking into the man's eyes. with a hunger for your every move, he kept an eye on you. as he glanced over you, his throat vibrated with a palpable growl. you noticed he was completely hard as your gaze slid down your body with his. in a humble tone, you inquire, "is this real? this isn't a dream, is it?"

the man's grin makes your entire body twitch. you feel him quickly remove your underpants and fling it somewhere off the bed. you become acutely aware of the excitement between your legs as well as the heat emanating from his body. he lowers himself still more until he's right up against your door.

“would you prefer to be dreaming... or would you prefer to be here with me?” the man inquires, his tone innocent but with a sinister undertone.

when you reached for your thighs to give yourself some relief, there was nothing there. as your eyes scanned your surroundings, all you could feel was the chill of your own flesh. red. your vision was completely red. it was almost as if someone had brought in a red mood lamp and shone it throughout the room. it was entirely painted in a bright crimson color. your epidermis. the walls on all four directions. it was all red.

everything seemed hazy and perplexing, and you wondered where you were. you were in a new environment. some may even argue it was a living hell.

you sat up and wrapped yourself in the nearest blanket you could locate before standing up. warm wooden floorboards greeted your bare feet. “what?” kneeling down, you firmly pressed your hand on the wood once again to be sure you weren't hallucinating, but then again, what's to say you weren't hallucinating the whole thing?

'im not a lunatic... you thought to yourself as the warm sensation of the wood stretched across your palm. you straightened up and looked about your flat, trying to figure out what you could do about the red. you stood up straight and began to look around your apartment to see if there was anything you could do about the red. nibbling on your lower lip gently, you stood up straight and began to look around your apartment to see if there was anything you could do about the red.

the door to your bedroom squeaks open just as you were ready to turn on the light switch. the sound reverberated throughout the room with such eerie intensity that you were nearly persuaded your tv had turned back on and was showing yet another horror movie. then something happened. from your room, a man who could only be described as the devil strolled in as if he owned the place. you would be fascinated by this man's beauty if he hadn't just walked in like that. a scar runs from the left side of his jaw all the way down to his neck, giving him a strong jawline. his delicate yet sharp-looking features are caressed by soft wild hair, and his adorable small head is adorned with two pointy horns. it was the eyes, though, that drew your attention.

not the fact that he emerged from your room shirtless. nor the fact that he had claws and a commanding tail swishing back and forth. no, it was those soulless black eyes that were piercing right through you. your very being. you were in some type of trans as the mystery man - no, not man - thanks to those black coals. devil. That sounded more like it.

you couldn't take your gaze away, but as your feet shuffled you further away from this entity, they did all the thinking for you. it only appeared to encourage the beast to keep going before you pressed up against him and the wall. as you summoned the strength to speak up, your grip on the blanket trembled a little. “wh-what are you looking for?” your voice faded away quietly.

the devil had smirked at your frailty and little dread before running a clawed hand through your unkempt hair “i'm starving, my love.” before leaning in and drinking in your aroma, it spoke in the lowest, almost infantile voice. “won't you feed me nice and well, love? after all, you did want this to be real, right?” you weren't sure if it was the tone of his voice or the proximity, but you nodded in accord.

he grabbed your neck and ran his tongue across his lips before taking you into a harsh but passionate kiss. soft cherry red lips ravished your lips in a ravenous embrace while his hands roamed across your body, grasping and groping everything it could find.

a deep moan emerged from both of you as you felt the tightness of his jeans against your leg, causing a burning feeling. the burning of want burned through your skin everywhere he touched, everywhere he invaded with his mouth, hands, and body. it was almost a nasty, twisted euphoria that made your cunt clench around nothing in eagerness.

as the unnamed monster looked you up and down, an almost animalistic growl exited his throat as he took a deep inhale, you gasped for air. “love, you smell so fucking amazing for me.” he spoke in hushed tones through little pockets of air. “you're so delicious that i could devour you whole.”

the very thought of doing so appeared to amuse him, as he let out a brief but malicious laugh before narrowing his focus to the blanket still clinging to you.

with a scowl on his face, he clasped his larger hand around the one holding the blanket in place before yanking at it, only to have you keep it in place. the devil, with his head cocked to the side, gazed at you, perplexed, as if he didn't understand what you were doing.

“it's just that,” you murmured, tightening your jaw at the gaze those empty eyes gave you like a chill up your spine, "i feel comfortable like this...” you muttered the last bit, swallowing any spit you had.

but there was no justification or apology for him, so he raised his claw into the air and cut the blanket, ripping it open wide.

fear, as well as the lust racing through your veins, were clouding your judgment once more. the notion that his claws were so near to slicing you terrified you and turned you on like nothing you'd ever experienced. it gave a sense of how perilous it was to be so near to this creature, which was part of what made it so thrilling.

"baby, nothing is safe when i'm around."

those words, on the other hand, did it for you. you reached out to him as soon as you dropped the tattered blanket on the floor, exposing yourself to him. you drew him back into another intense kiss by wrapping your arms around him and springing up to wrap your legs around his waist. as he grasped your thighs to keep you in place, he was caught completely off guard by your sudden bravery.

each passing breath spent on one another battling for control, hips sliding up against each other as your damp panties rubbed up against his encaged dick, which was most definitely pressing painfully against the denim trousers he was wearing, made the kiss more hungry and animal-like. the cool contact of skin moving up against your back and down your underwear made you whimper.

despite his animalistic state, you always thought he was beautiful, a rare creature. "you're beautiful," you murmured, oblivious to the fact that you were saying it aloud. he laughed with his head tilted back. his neck was big and thick, but it was the raised markings that went all the way around it that caught your eye; they were woven together like chains, as if he had been choked with scorching metal.

the demon kissed you long and hard, barely pausing to breathe. His tongue was lengthy and had a split down the center. it was a novel experience that was strangely addictive. you became engrossed in the way it encircled your own. with his fangs, the monster simply paused to tug on your lower lip. as his hand moved down to your thigh, you let out a faint little groan.

he sang, “such a good girl,” as he drew you up into his arms. Jungkook snatched you up like feather. as you placed your legs around his tiny waist, his arms bulged. before he entered your room, he gave you a lengthy, scorching kiss. you had your arms around his neck, sliding your fingers through his hair and scraping against the base of one of his horns as an experiment.

the devil looked down at you as you lay on your bed, his crimson eyes flashing in the dim light. only those eyes and the white-tipped base of his horns could be seen with the moon blearily seeping through your blinds. it felt as though the monster beneath your bed had arrived to devour you. slowly, he moved his hand up the wall, flicking on the light and bathing you both in a golden glow.

you eventually let your gaze drift away from his, focusing on his toned chest, tight waist, and muscular thighs. when you noticed the bulge yearning to be freed from his pants, you licked your lips. he finally went closer, his lips brushing against yours as he crept between your legs. his hands crept up to the band of your shorts, the heat of his palm scorching and heavy on your bare thighs.

he yanked your shorts down your hips and flung them behind him as he kissed you. he tore through your shirt even quicker, softly cursing as he saw your naked breasts. you yanked on his shirt, trying to get a better look at him and to touch every scrap of exposed flesh you could discover. he sat back and yanked his shirt off, displaying golden skin stained with crimson ink and muscular abs that rippled with each breath. you were so focused on his appearance that you almost missed the expression in his eye as he glanced down at you.

“fuck, you look like an angel,” he said, reaching down to rip your panties apart, only to shred them. your moist lips were exposed by the chilly air as you gasped. at the sight, he bit his lower lip and groaned. “very gentle and plaint." slowly, he ran his hands down your body, starting at the rib cage and working their way down to your thighs.

his fingers became hotter and hotter along the way, till they were on the verge of burning. until he came to your knees and quickly shoved your legs apart and up, crimson streaks remained on your skin. smirking at your hiss of pain, his palms pushed your thigh back till they touched your chest. “so ready to be used,” he states.

"please do."

“well, angel, since you asked so nicely,” he leaned very close to your cunt and licked a lengthy strip. his forked tongue slithered inside your slit, relishing in the lengthy groan that came out of your mouth. he swirled above the opening for a minute, then slipped just the tip of it inside when you finally relaxed against him.

jungkook gradually started penetrating your pussy with his tongue. the warm, slithery appendage that slithers in and out of you with increasing ease, flicking at your g-spot and making you whine in delight. you exhaled with relief when he licked up to your clit, only to scream when he clamped his mouth over the delicate nub and sucked hard enough for you to see stars.

moans and groans emitted from your lips and the demon could have sworn he had never heard anything prettier. his mouth salivates against your lips, only causing him to dip down near your entrance and trail his tongue back to your little nub. oh how sweet you were.

"my angel's already close to cumming?" there was no denying that. he had already noticed you were quickly approaching your high by the way you tugged on his locks and the way your moans became higher in pitch.

the demon took two of his long fingers and slipped them into your pussy, a squelching noise emitting from the action. you tugged so hard on your lips that it was plump and swollen, the irony blood almost spilling from them. he quickly started pumping his fingers and curling it, sending you seeing stars. he wanted you to get ready for the real deal (aka his cock).

"god, please fuck me, please please i'm so close to cumming but i wanna cum on your cock, please," if it weren't for you sounding so pretty and desperate for him, the demon would have prolonged the foreplay.

“there is no ‘god' here,” he hissed, sliding two fingers inside your pussy and sucking hard on your clit as you almost shouted in delight. his fingers curled within you quickly, drawing you closer to the brink. your fingers ran aimlessly through his hair, yanking it back to keep him near. you scratched on one of his horns with your nails.

it wasn't until another orgasm crashed upon you that the demon stopped.

you were spent; messy hair, hazy eyes, drool dripping down your chin and onto your neck and some parts of your chest.

as sly as a fox, you felt jungkook pressing his heavy length on your clit, the warmth and hardness of it evident in the way it pressed up against the little nub. jungkook evilly rutted against the bundle, sending sharp pleasures erupting from the mere action.

you thought he would stop at a few thrusts, however, jungkook had other plans in mind. those being seeing you completely helpless underneath him (not like you weren't before).

with one more came a push, your insides clenching and squeezing the head of his cock like a vice. jungkook stills above you; only the tip in and you're already this tight? he allows a shaky breath to reveal itself from his throat, the sound coming out a little more strangled and choked that he intended it to be.

you took him inch by glorious inch. the two of you reveled in the pleasure, drinking off of each other's moans and heat.

the rest of the night was spent in each other's arms. it wasn't romantic, but it sure as hell was full of pleasure.

[relaxxattack]

hi im asking u this bc u seem to be bee duo enthusiast so

ive been calling c! beeduos relationship platonic because i thought that was what their cc’s said, and i thought they had said that they were uncomfortable with ppl shipping the characters. But ive seen a lot of posts that say their relationship is canonically romantic? and i absolutely do not want to come across as homophobic by watering down a mlm relationship to just friends because that happens so much in media so.

what is the canon state of their relationship / ur opinions on the platonic thibg

dont worry abt answering if u dont want to!! i see a lot of differing opinions and i trust yours :)

aw it’s totally fine, im flattered you asked me about this!

let me put it simply: it’s a whole mess, lol.

first im going to talk about what’s happened fandom-wide that caused differing opinions, and then i’ll explain my own opinion/interpretation. :]

(this got really fucking long im so sorry)

ranboo and tubbo initially proclaimed the relationship was romantic, specifically in argument with the wiki editors who had set it as platonic by default. (you can see this in the vod where they decide they’re canonically married— it’s very funny. chat tells them the marriage is already on the wiki, they check, tubbo is jokingly offended that it says platonic and asks if he needs to up the romance).

tubbo also makes jokes about adultry, which sort of implies the relationship is not necessarily a platonic one.

(theres definetly more in that stream alone but it’s been a long time since i watched it so i don’t remember a lot of it.)

the wiki, because of this, suffers from going back and forth on platonic and romantic, seemingly unsure where the joke ends and the canon begins, or if its canonically a joke! a mess, as you can already tell.

this gets more complicated as the marriage bit goes on: outsiders, such as phil and scott, both at one point say “platonic marriage”, which then ranboo and tubbo agree with. however, when chat asks them if they’re platonic, they say the opposite. so there is a lot of confusion there.

there’s also the difficulty of being able to tell streamers and characters apart. ranboo and tubbo both don’t like being shipped irl, and that’s their boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. (they’re also minors, but tbh when they’re 18 in a year i will still be following their boundaries regardless of their legal age).

due to people not wanting to be accused of minor shipping, they started adding the platonic tone indicator to most of their drawings— basically a way of saying “no homo”. meanwhile, tubbo frequently on stream flirts with ranboo and makes quite a bit of nsfw comments towards him that are frankly hilarious.

this goes on for a while with nobody really sure what’s canon, but a lot of people assuming it’s probably platonic, until: the drama of the mods night. a few mods dmed all the wiki editors telling them ranboo wanted his canon character relationship officially set to platonic.

unfortunately for those mods; the very same day, a few hours later, ranboo on stream makes fun of puffy delivering him and tubbo “friendship flowers”. because, and i quote, “bruh. we’re literally married. this must be how the ancient greeks felt.”

in case you don’t know, the internet often jokes about how historians will call ancient greeks ‘very good friends’ when they are quite obviously gay. so in this context, ranboo is joking that people will call him and c!tubbo, who are married, “close friends”, when he doesn’t think they are.

basically, ranboo canonized romantic bee duo, the very same day the mods told everyone he’d wanted a platonic one.

chaos and drama immediately erupted everywhere. on tumblr, we were talking about how weird it was of his mods to do something like that without asking him first. we ALSO talked about how weird it was of them to assume that ranboo can’t make his own decisions, or assume teenagers cannot be in relationships without it being sexual. twitter did the same thing but in the opposite direction: called ranboo mods homophobic, or said they were mad ranboo felt pressured into making a romantic relationship canon ‘just so people could have mlm rep.’

i dont want to go into detail about the drama that happened that night because apparently official people follow me and i dont want to stir it up or have them come “clarify” things. im just saying what we talked about.

ranboo in typical ranboo fashion apologized quickly and seriously. he was deeply sorry for possibly offending anyone with how he’d portrayed his rp relationship with tubbo, and he also assured everyone the mod thing was just a miscommunication.

he said he would talk to tubbo and they’d decide once and for all whether it was platonic or romantic, and then announce so everyone would know.

it’s now been a few months and we've had no word from them on that development. we still have no clue.

-

now, here’s my opinion:

i want to take ranboos word for it that it was a miscommunication with his mods, but... we had it on good authority from people on the wiki team and people in the discord with the mods that (while it was happening) they were really going after the wiki admins, and also made some weird comments about it. that combined with the way ranboo seemingly had no clue (considering he canonized their romance that very same day).... it’s very. sus of the mods.

then there’s the canon we’ve got since then. although occasionally adults in the room have called it a “platonic marriage” and tubbo once (back when it first started) called it a “plankton tectonic” marriage, in roleplay it’s been... kind of not that. tubbo and ranboo make nsfw jokes about each other in character, and their characters also share a master bedroom and bed in the mansion. there's also the way c!tommy really thinks it’s a romance between them as well, and they agree with and play off that— for instance confirming that they “fell in love” when he asked, or ranboo confirming that they “make out on occasion”.

people will still put platonic on their art and posts, imo, because they’re worried about breaking ranboo and tubbo’s irl boundaries by looking like they ship them. or even just being accused of shipping real life minors. and that’s a valid fear to have.

the thing is though: c!bee duo are not cc!bee duo. they’re roleplay characters. cc!bee duo are not okay with being shipped, but they made their characters get canonically married, and call each other “husbands”. so it’s okay to write the word “husband” in your comic without adding “platonic” to it, i promise.

telling the ccs that their characters have to be platonic is... weird. it comes off as not only babying them, but also as saying teens can’t date without it being gross. which isn’t true.

(this is why seeing people overuse “platonic husband” so much bothers me. like, they ARE husbands. you can just say it. what are you trying to hide...?)

-

do i think they’re canonically romantic? ehh, its likely. it’s still okay to interpret them as platonic, because again, it’s hard to tell where jokes end and roleplay begins. like, maybe it’s jokes in the rp too, and c!bee duo are just friends. friends can and should be allowed to make jokes like that with each other! aro & ace marriages exist!

or, maybe it’s actually part of the rp, and they’re very much romantic. we don’t know!

some people say they could be a qpr (queerplatonic romance), which i could see. (a qpr is a relationship that fluctuates between, or can’t quite be sorted into, “romantic” and “platonic”. people in a qpr can do romantic things while having platonic feelings for each other). in my opinion this is a very valid interpretation as well!

-

CONCLUSION (sorry this got so long omfg):

are c!bee duo romantic?

its likely, but you can still interpret them however you like!

should i put /p on bee duo content?

ehhh? i find it annoying when it’s overused (as do others), but if you’re worried you can. its up to preference. putting it too much is weird though

should i put /p on things cc! bee duo do?

no. you’re not the one saying it so you can’t decide the tone tags for that. imagine you said something to your friend and a random stranger came up and was like “haha but that was /p right...?”

can i ship c!bee duo?

mmm. i’m not sure on this one. they are canonically married and very flirtatious, but the ccs don’t like being shipped and they’re close enough to being the ccs that actively shipping might be against boundaries.

can i treat c!bee duo as romantic?

yes. literally just don’t be weird about it. it’s not that hard! you can understand that two characters are husbands without making it weird

here’s the most important thing: boundaries. cc bee duo still haven’t told us what their preferences and canon is about this whole thing.

right now, i am assuming based on what they already show us they’re comfortable with, but! the second they give us any more info! all these opinions will change!

i am only going off what they do. i would never want to cross boundaries at all. i just wish they would make theirs a little more clear.

..... i hope that helped anon, i went way off the rails... i need to go to sleep.

[totheblood]

two slow dancers | p.p

chapter 6: we're doing better

summary: y/n stark has always hated peter parker but her hate is taken to a new level when she finds out he's the soul heir to her dad's legacy. sadly, its up to these two angsty teenagers to protect the world and they cant do that if they're fighting all the time.

or

y/n beats peter's ass and he likes it

AUTHORS NOTE (pls read): this is a re-upload, i posted this chapter before but i had to delete it because someone who i thought i could trust invaded my privacy and found my account and i had to hide it and delete some posts. this person had taken up most of my time for the last few months but now that i am finally out of it, and am on bedrest from surgery, i am able to write again. im so sorry for the long hiatus and expect an actual new chapter tonight or tomorrow! thank you so much and im so sorry. IF YOU ASKED TO BE PART OF THIS TAGLIST, PLEASE ASK AGAIN

enemies to lovers, slow burn

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

WARNINGS: implied smut, cursing??, angst if u squint

You don’t know why you kissed Harry Osborn.

Maybe you were as lonely as you felt. Or maybe you liked the feeling of sleeping next to someone. Or maybe you didn’t want to think about Peter, but whatever the reason, it didn’t matter. You kissed him, and he kissed you back and one thing led to another and you were an item? If you could even say that. You had been holding hands in the hallway and he had his tongue pressed to your clit the night before so you figured that constituted something. Everyone had been talking about it for the last few weeks and, if you were being honest with yourself, you liked being the center of attention. You were a Stark and he was an Osborn and the sad truth was, this was big news. The feud between Stark Industries and OSCORP was no secret to anyone living in New York, and to everyone on the outside, your relationship with Harry looked like a forbidden romance, which it wasn’t even close to being. It was honestly more of a cry for help if you looked at it long enough.

Harry was nice. He was always clean and well kept, he paid for all your meals, and he was a pretty okay kisser. He never asked you what your dad was like, he never asked you about the Avengers, and most of all he understood what it was like to feel the pressure of a demanding father. He could tell when you got too stressed over things and needed a break or a quick fuck, and he never asked you about where you disappeared to with Peter every night. It wasn’t like you and Harry were dating, but you were definitely something and ‘friend’ wouldn’t even begin to cover it. He was nice, yes, but he wasn’t long term. If anything, you saw Harry as a friend who was quick to pick up on your mannerisms and even quicker to sneak you a kiss whenever he had the chance. Harry was nice, but he wasn’t your boyfriend.

You had been working with Peter for a while, but it wasn’t until now that he was getting distant. He stopped asking you about your day, stopped asking for your opinion on things, and overall just stopped talking to you. You thought after the first meeting that you and Peter would be close, but now you felt further away from him than you ever had. The feeling of hatred that used to reside in your chest for Peter had now been replaced with a new and even worse emotion, longing. You kind of wanted to tell him about your day, but now it felt like you would be bothering him if you even tried. The worst part was: you didn't know what you did wrong. If this was before you could have said numerous things that would explain Peter’s behavior towards you, but now you really had no clue. You thought you had made up, and for a while you were talking like you had, but now Peter was just shutting you out and you didn’t know what to do.

It came to a head when you asked him to pass you a wrench and he kind of just grumbled at you, passing you the wrench without making eye contact. Peter had never acted like this before with anyone. Even when you were at your meanest, Peter still smiled at you and treated you like you were a human, but now he was just treating you like an inconvenience and that pissed you off. Your whole life you felt like you were doing something wrong, like you were just messing everything up as you went, so what he was doing now, really upset you. ‘I truly have a gift’ you thought to yourself as you made the kindest person you know turn his back on you.

“Did I do something, Peter?” You asked, wrench in hand and eyeing him down. He looked like you caught him off guard, like he had completely forgotten you were even there.

“W-what?” He stumbled, his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“These last few weeks, you’ve been treating me like I don’t exist. Did I do something wrong?” You questioned again. You had to admit your tone wasn’t the nicest, but you were fed up and bound to explode at any time. So in your defense, you were actually doing well, especially since this involved Peter.

“No, you didn’t, I’ve just been tired.”

“Bullshit.” you slammed the wrench down on the table, causing Peter to jump. His expression was hard to pin. He looked scared, but he also looked extremely annoyed and you weren’t sure if you ever saw him look like this.

“I’ve been around you tired before, you can’t even look at me. I thought we were past this. I apologized, Peter.” You sighed, slouching down on the lab stool. You felt more defeated, now, than anger.

“No, no, we are past it, it’s just-” He stopped himself and you immediately knew something was holding him back. Maybe he didn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you how shitty of a friend you had been, or maybe he finally decided to hate you for all the stuff you put him through. Whatever the reason, he wasn’t speaking, and you were growing angrier by the second.

“It’s just what?” You shook your head almost comically. You were trying to get an answer and he wasn’t giving, and god, was it pissing you off.

“You’re dating Harry?”

No.

“Yes.” You stated simply, head up and proud, knowing you were full on lying. “Why?”

“He’s a bad guy, Y/N. His da-”

“He is not his dad, Peter.” You interrupted, you felt bad doing so, but you were now becoming increasingly protective over Harry as if you were protecting yourself. “My dad did awful things too. Does that make me a bad guy?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“No, Y/N, you don’t understan-”

“Enlighten me then.” You stood, arms crossed.

“I’m trying to but you won’t listen!” Peter raised his voice suddenly, standing up from his seat and causing your eyes to go wide.

“Sorry, but,” He looked to the ground, him now feeling embarrassed from yelling at you. “His dad’s company, OSCORP, made the spider that bit me. His dad took my childhood away from me and now you’re just holding hands with him in the hallway. We just became friends and you’re doing this to me. You knew what I went through freshman year, you saw how hard it was for me. You might not have liked me then, but now? I thought you were better than that.”

Now it was your turn to stand up.

“Better than what? Giving someone a chance? I didn’t even connect your bite to him till now, but even still, what the fuck, Peter? My dad killed Wanda’s parents, hell, Bucky killed my grandparents, and we still have dinner with them sometimes. I am not the things my dad has done and neither is Harry. He was a kid too, you know? It’s not like he gave that spider its fucking powers, or whatever. Even so, I didn’t know? You just decided to not talk to me? You didn’t even let me know what was wrong. Do you do that to your other friends too or do I just get special treatment?”

You finished your rant with your arms folded across your chest. You were breathing heavily and Peter looked stunned, his eyes burning deep holes into yours.

“He’s not good for you, Y/N. You deserve better. You’re right, I’m sorry for shutting you out. I just needed time to process how I felt. We are new to this friendship thing and I don’t know how to talk to you. I am truly sorry for not letting you know.” He finished, cheeks red and hair drenched in sweat. You loved the duality of Peter. He was so mad when he started, but now he just looked ashamed and you couldn’t tell if that’s what he looked like all along.

“I appreciate it, but I know what’s good for me. I’m tired of being lonely, and Harry helps with that.” You were now becoming vulnerable with Peter for the second time in the span of two months and this time was a lot less scary. You felt you knew him better now after working with him every day. You knew what he ordered at Delmar’s, knew his entire zodiac chart and analyzed it, and you knew how good of a heart he had. So you allowed yourself to be open with him.

“You don’t have to settle though. Harry is known for not being committed and you deserve someone who is going to be there for you through everything. You have a unique heart, Y/N, and if someone cares about you, even in the slightest, they would recognize that. They would listen to you talk about what you went through, they would ask how you’re doing, they would do more than just kiss you. They would talk to you. I see your interactions. They are so artificial and you? You deserve something real.”

You wanted to cry. Peter could be right but you didn’t see it happening. Your life would never be normal and no one would care about you enough to have to deal with all the extra shit that came with your life.

“That’s a nice sentiment, Peter, really it is. But I am not the girl you marry. I’m the girl people date to say they dated someone important before realizing that it means having a really stressful life. And I am not worth that stress.” You sighed, offering Peter a smile which he rejected with his frown.

“You are.”

¬_¬)ゞ♥︎ˀˀ ...

✎ . . . ♡: a/n: thnk u 4 reading i love u all lots....

TAG LIST:

@runawayolives @osterfieldshollandgirl @bigassnocash @vendettaparker @enjoymyloves @thexplosivegirl @baueoud @scarletglowss @juliannaamonroe @jackiehollanderr @supremethunda @avengerstanforlife

[junova]

↬ 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐭 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

abstract: the one where steve finds your love letters.

pairing: au!steve x fem!reader

word count: 3K+

warnings: cussing, fluff, angst, crying, slight self-deprecation.

[author’s note]: hey guys! i’m really new to the writing scene so kind words are appreciated! srsly just testing my writing style out and wanted to just post something to motivate me to keep writing. hope u like it. <3

also thank u ari for the inspo and that bomb ass album that saved twenty-twenty. now we just need biden to get elected.

ps. don’t forget to vote! <3

Stevie,

First and foremost, I want you to know how proud of you I am. You have become the man you’ve said you become, the one I always knew you would. You have finally seen what the rest of us see.

A good man.

The soul you carry within you shines brighter than I’ve ever seen. Just for that only, I’m thankful for the time we’ve spent together. Maybe one day, I’ll be brave enough to tell you this without hiding behind the comfort of this notebook. She won’t spill my secrets, fortunate for me.

Some days you have no idea how badly I want to tell you. I think it’s on the days I discover a new fleck of green in your eyes or maybe when you show up to class with a cup of coffee for me without request.

More. More. More.

More. More. More.

It’s selfish of me, that much I know. More days than not, I would say you give too much of yourself away. Always wanting to appease everyone, you, Steven Rogers, the bridge to making the people around you happier than they walked in. Even when Bucky drags you into his nonsense bullshit, you say yes without hesitation.

I’ve got not a a clue on how you continue on, how you still remain you when you tend to spread yourself so thin. Who watches out for you? Who cares for you? Who loves the almighty, selfless Rogers?

For me, it’s much easier to pretend you carry too much on your plate than to deal with the rejection I would receive from you. You’re just too good, more than I deserve. More than I would be willing to take. I know I couldn’t possibly give you what you deserve but, I hope that one day you might see me differently. You would see me more than the light I’ve painted myself in.

Even though the shade is lovely, I want to be deeper. Deeper into you on a level which only seems unattainable at this point.

A forever friend. To be in your life, just as a friend, is an reward in itself.

But someday I hope you would love me in the same way I do. It’s all a love struck girl could do. Hope for the best, bet be prepared for the downfall.

With much love, your forever friend.

Tearing the page away from the binding of the overfilled notebook, dispensing it in the first empty drawer you could find, you abandoned the feelings as soon as the pen’s ink bleed out dry.

“You know it would just be easier to tell him how you feel.” You peaked up at the sound of her voice, before realizing she was looming over you, watching your write the letter.

Your supposed, secret letter.

“Nat, please. No.” Opening the drawer, she grabbed the letter but was surprised with just how many she found.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’ve written about him multiple times?” You sank in the soft, plush material of your seat hoping that just maybe it would begin to swallow you whole. Hopefully, fast enough were you wouldn’t have to endure the rest of the conversation. One you had been trying to avoid, for the past three years.

“It’s nothing Nat, just forget it.” Just like a Romanov, she couldn’t leave it alone. Even if she tried it was laced in her blood to see any little thing through.

“You really shouldn’t wait so long. A window might close for you, much sooner than you think.” With a curious eyebrow lifted, you felt your breath leave you.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Steve certainly deserved the best and you knew it was only time for him to figure out you would never be enough for him.

“Peggy Carter.” Peggy.

The one girl of a sea of many who had been enamored by Steve. He never really seemed to spend anytime with the women who vied for his attention, but Peggy was surely different than the rest.

Even if Steve was oblivious when it came to the advances everyone would make on him, he saw Peggy. Considering she was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, she intimidated you. God, did she ever.

On numerous occasions she and Steve had gone out, and even though he assured you they were just friends you were starting to believe he was only trying to protect your feelings. As a friend.

He had never cancelled on you once for her and he would tell you if he had started to date someone, just like he had before.

Even though the entire three years you’d known him he only had one serious girlfriend and after eight months, the pair broke up and even now he still didn’t budge on why they broke up.

“Steve can do whatever he wants with her. He’s a single man. He’s gone out with her before and he’ll probably go with her again.” Then Sam was the next to speak up, dismissing the total bullshit spouting from your mouth.

“Can’t you see he doesn’t want to? The damn man follows you around like a goddamn puppy.” Okay, when did he even come in here?

“God, fuck, no he doesn’t. He would have said something by now, he’s had three years and it’s been nothing but radio silence.” With an all knowing smirk, Sam proposed a new concept into question.

“It has been three years. So, have you ever said anything to him?”

Shit. Fuck you, Wilson.

“W-Well, not exactly.” Sam didn’t have to say anything in response. You knew he was right and you hated it.

Your unwillingness still stood for you, there was just no way he actually would reciprocate your feelings.

“Listen, I think it would be really good for the both of you to air everything out. Peggy is sinking her claws in him and it isn’t too long before they get stuck. Just talk to him.” You nodded silently, but you weren’t sure if you’d ever have the courage to.

—

Emptiness.

It’s all you seemed to feel today. Following you around was a dark cloud, looming over you. Wishing you could be anywhere but your own body. Nothing in particular happened to make you deserve the feeling you were granted with. It just so happened to be one of those days.

From the moment you got out of bed — or rather stayed in bed until four in the afternoon, you felt like anything you would have done just didn’t feel enough. The feeling was fleeting, never staying for more than a day or so, but it made the day drag on. Never ending.

Your muscles sore, body aching from the lack of activity your presumed. Or maybe you had built it in your head too.

Thankfully for you, Nat was busy helping Bucky move into his new place the entire day. She asked if you wanted to help, but mentally you didn’t feel you would be useful for anyone. Simply, telling her you would hang back, claiming you had another an essay to write.

Which you did, you weren’t completely lying, but there was more than your sour mood to blame for your dismissal of social interaction.

You hated to be that girl, the one who needed the presence of men. Specifically, the company of one very beautiful, blue eyed one.

His absence in your life the past few weeks felt heavier on you than you thought it would. You knew from Sam’s intel he had been hanging out with Peggy more and more. He said the two of them were getting close, mercifully sparing you the details.

You hated it’s you’d become. A girl so damn struck over a boy who was giving his attention elsewhere. Upset you were though. Before even if he was busy between classes and his internship at the gallery, he would still text to check up on you.

Now, it was nothing but radio silence letting you draw conclusions on your own. Very, very dangerous territory for you to travel to.

Steve and you are just friends. Get. Over. It.

You thought you’d be alone the rest of the Saturday, especially since it was nearly midnight. Figuring Nat was staying over at Bucky’s and Wanda leaving earlier in early hours of the morning to see her boyfriend for the entire weekend.

Then, an incredibly drunk Steve stumbled into your quaint apartment, the thoughtfully sweetness in him blubbering out with the alcohol flooding through his system. It was like he was on overdrive. More than ready to crash at any given moment.

You had enough when Steve started shamelessly raiding your kitchen, but you remained on the couch attempting to maintain some distance between the two of you. He had a history of being incredibly handsy whenever he had bit too much to drink.

Stumbling his way over to you, almost tripping on the rug, until he was basically cuddling up to your side. His arms latched tightly around you, pulling you into him. Not spared a choice, not that you’d want one.

The security of being wrapped up to him wasn’t something you ever grew tired of. You don’t think there would ever be a time you would ever be capable of turning him away.

“I’ve missed you. It’s been too long.” His soft tone, penetrating the tiny resistance you held towards him. “Me too. I was starting to think you disappeared on me, bubba.”

“Never.” His iron grip holding so tight like he was afraid you’d slip right through.

“Is everything alright?” Trying to pull from him, but Steve seemed unable to let you go. You whispered in his ear, caressing his back.

“I think so.”

“Here, let me grab you cup of joe and some water. Okay? I’ll be right back.” Leaving him a kiss on the cheek, before heading him into the kitchen.

If you had been around him recently, perhaps you would be more in tune with how he was feeling. Then the guilt sept in.

“Sweetheart, do you know where the phone charger is? It’s not by the recliner.” You heard him shout, trying to stop your heart from hammering into your stomach.

Just make him some coffee, sober him up, until he crashes.

Steve always seemed to be a lightweight and somehow whenever he did decide to drink he always found himself routing his way into your home. You thought it was simply for accident alone. The bar he frequented at was only a few block from you.

The past few times he would just stumble into your bedroom, immediately passing out in your soft, silky sheet. Now, he seemed to have more pressing matters at hand.

“Check the drawers, Stevie. I think there’s one you left around here somewhere.” You grabbed the filters and the grounds out, brewing the coffee. Soon, with a black cup of coffee and a water bottle in hand you took note of just how quite he was being.

He was never this silent and it was freaking you out.

“Are you sure you’re o-”

Just like that.

Fuck.

Hunched over, practically on his knees, he read over the endless letters you wrote about him. Confessions never meant to be seen by him. You lost track of how many you had written over the past few years once realized how irrevocably in love with him you are.

He didn’t realize you had found him and you were suddenly paralyzed. Unaware of your presence he continued to read through them and his expression was unrecognizable. One you’d never seen from him before, and you didn’t quite know how to react.

No. He wasn’t grimacing nor did he seem to be elated either. He just stood there just like you, afraid what would happen next.

What did this mean for the two of you? Your entire relationship was purely riding on whatever happened next.

Softly, with a gentle hand, he sifted through them all like he was looking for something specifically. Steve let them fall to the hardwood floors as your shaking hands could no longer support the weight of the dainty coffee cup he had actually sculpted himself.

The glass shattering everywhere, several pieces making their way towards him, thankfully not fiercely enough to penetrate his skin.

Truly, you had never been more sorry than when he looked up at you with tears in his eyes. Threatening to spill over. Because of you.

You didn’t have to be told, you already knew.

Carefully, Steve stood up making his way over to you around the shattered mug. Still you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Simply just watching him until he was right in front of you — more silent than you’d ever seen him before.

“Those were about me. Weren’t they?” You nodded having no reason to lie other than to protect yourself from a rejection you been hoping to spare yourself from.

“I didn’t want you to find out like this. Or at all really.” Your resolve dropping instantly when Steve took a step further gripping by your hips, pulling you closer.

“Why not?” He questioned you, again. Almost like he needed a verbal affirmation of every secret he had just read.

Unintentionally, stealing your soul served for him on a silver platter.

“I know how you’d feel about me, Steve. It’s not how I want it to be and it’s okay.” You remove yourself from him, traveling to the other side of the living room. Suddenly, the apartment seemed suffocating with him in it. “I’m fine, Steve.”

Hearing him sigh in frustration only furthered your immense feeling of being a burden to him.

You’re just one more obstacle he has to deal with.

“One of them dated back for over two years ago. Two fucking years.” His harsh tone, piercing through you like a knife.

“I know. I should have told you.” You whispered, wishing you could disappear into any abyss that would take you. Deeply wishing you just didn’t have to endure for the rest of this conversation. Wishing you could have stopped him from opening that stupid drawer. “I tell you everything, but I just couldn’t bring myself to speak about this. Look at how you’re reacting? How could you blame me when every fear I have about this is justified?”

You really should have kept those elsewhere, not your open, public living room.

“Because it’s us. I’m always here for you.” He was still crying through broken words and you didn’t know why. Almost like you had shattered his resolve and his control leaving with it.

“Not lately. You’ve been otherwise occupied.” Suddenly find the plant in the corner of the room. It certainly weren’t trying to distract yourself from the insatiable cerulean eyes.

The breathtaking british woman wasn’t even here and as soon as she was brought up — there was a wall. Seperating, you from whatever was between the two of you.

“This isn’t my fault. You never said anything. How was I supposed to know you feel that way about me?” He tried to make his way towards you but you just stalked off in the other direction. Circling around the living room like a coward.

“It didn’t matter though, did it? You found someone perfect for you regardless of how you feel.” God, you wish he would just leave so you could let the dam break.

“No. You don’t get to do that. Since the moment I met you I only had eyes for you, but you never seemed like you were interested. So, I dropped it. Okay? You never left me a crumb to think you would ever want to be more than just friends.”

“You were my best friend. You still are. No matter how I felt, it could never outweigh the need I have for you to be in my life.” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Trying to figure out what was next for the both of you. Steve always had to initiate and this time was no different.

“Peggy told me tonight she wants to be exclusive.” His confession washing over you like a ton of bricks. Crushing you.

You really couldn’t have any ill feeling towards her, she was just doing what you lacked the courage and the tenacity to do.

“But I didn’t really know what to do.” He took quiet steps towards you, not wanting to spook you. He voice not no longer held the a warmth of teddy bear, but a man on a mission rather took over.

Steve kept quiet until he had you backed up into a corner, no escape route in vision for you.

“’Cause there’s this other beautiful woman, absolutely breathtaking — and I just I really needed to know how she felt. If I had known before,  I never would have gone anywhere else.” His hand caressing your soft, plump lips. Pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb, sending you into a frenzy.

“Then, I just wanted to forget about everything until Sam called me. Three beers deep, when he told me of a drawer filled with letters I should take a look at.” You could feel his breath on you, temple pressed against yours.

“I just need to hear you say it. Just once.” Taking it a step forward, intertwining your finger with his own.

“I love you.” It was all he needed as he sealed his own affirmation with a sweet kiss, inking your lips with all of his love.

[wizkiddx]

worst case scenario part 5

finally!! so sorry its been an age to anyone still here but lives been interesting atm so....  also this really feels a bit rambley and the ending is deff underdeveloped but I just kind of wanted this done tbh x 

[previous part] [part 1] 

warnings:  hospitals - ICU, ventilation that sort of stuff, just a lot of ANGST post a difficult birth - please don't read if this could be upsetting for you, and my inbox is always open if u wanna chat :) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a complete 360 degree flip from earlier that day, after leaving the hospital Tom had become obsessively attached to Aurora. They’d got back to his parents place in Tom’s car; Aurora in the carseat Y/n and Tom had ready in their car door for her arrival. Clearly his parents had already pre-warned his brothers, who had thankfully already gone over to Tom and Y/n’s - collecting the Moses basket amongst other items Harry had been listed off from his mother. 

Apart from explaining a little behind her name to his parents on the journey back, Tom had spoken very little, choosing to keep himself to himself - physically stationing himself beside the Moses basket the whole time. Of course, there had been a bit of light conversation and almost procedural passing round of Aurora between all her uncles and grandparents, which Tom had kept a wether eye on - but ultimately not engaged. 

He also knew that physically his body was failing him. Although eating a little of the lasagne Sam had made for everyone, he could only stomach a minuscule amount, which did little to boost his energy levels. It felt as though sleeping was the enemy, because he was neither ready to leap into the car if the phone went; or to hear the smallest sound from the wicker basket, suggesting something was wrong. So as much as he tried to fight it, before even nine o’clock he began to dose off on the familiar couch of his parents sitting room - occasionally jerking himself awake before loosing the fight once again.

Nikki had tried to gently push him to take a break in the spare bedroom, which had been Tom’s before he’d moved out, but was unsuccessful - every time he retaliated with a stern shake of his head, while checking his phone just in case he’d missed a notification. Eventually Nikki relented, later in the evening both her and Dom retiring to bed; once Sam had agreed to stick around downstairs till a bit later - as a chef he worked till late in the nights, so even on his days off like today, his sleep schedule was just a little fucked. 

Left alone with his new little niece and now pretty firmly asleep brother, Sam draped a blanket over the latter just in time for Aurora to start fussing in the need of a bottle. His mum had explained how to do everything, how to mix the formula and heat it up, so after scooping up the little wriggling girl in the hope his brother wouldn’t get disturbed, Sam dealt with her. To be honest no matter how clueless and useless he felt, Aurora was just so cute - if a little wrinkly and alien looking, but in a good way. This was the first baby any of them had had, so the first time Sam experienced this instant connection and love for the little being that was his niece or nephew. It was terrifying, lifting the bottle against her lips for the first time, but then it just sort of seemed to work. She was incredibly smart for less than 24 hours old, instantly latching on, like she had done for Haz at the hospital. 

That gave Sam a little confidence in his ability as an uncle, giving himself a satisfied nod while swaying from the kitchen to move back into the living room. It was just a preference to be within reach of Tom… just in case. His poor brother still hadn’t moved, slumped against the corner of the sofa, leaning toward the now empty Moses basket. Normally, Sam seeing his supposed heart throb of a brother looking as rough as he did now - double chin, mouth hanging slightly open, deep sunken eyes - he would’ve taken a photo to blackmail him with. Now though, it was just desperately sad, seeing his brother like this, hand still clutching his phone tightly above the blanket. 

Rather hoping the calm would last for a while, Sam successfully finished off feeding Aurora; winded and then put her down to sleep again just in time. Because, perhaps expectedly, Tom’s phone began to blare off the default iPhone ringtone making Tom jump and throw the device across the room as he awoke with a start. Sam ran to grab it off the floor, mainly with the hope of turning it off before Aurora was awoken too - knowing that it was best tonight to tackle one thing at a time. 

And so he immediately swiped to answer the call, not even registering who the call was from, much rather just wanting the noise to stop. 

“Hello?”

“Sam? It’s Harrison” Tom had jumped up from his seat hovering beside Sam with petrified look. It took barely seconds for Tom to snatch the phone back, launching questions down the receiver. 

“Slow down would you? Y/n is fine I was just phoning to check in.”

“Oh er yeh… um sorry I just… just thought…”

“It’s the other way mate. Nurse says she’s starting to get there cos first she moved her arm a bit when we pinched her shoulder and then I just called because she started to like gag and now the ventilator thing is gone.”

“W-what?”

“I think she’s breathing by herself? Like she’s got an oxygen mask instead of the tubes down her throat.” Clearly Harrison was not, by any means, a medical expert. 

“They said she would have the ventilator for a few days at least.”

“I guess Y/n got bored? To be fair she couldn’t ever sit still.”

“I’m coming to you.”

“Tom it’s nearly midnight, I was supposed to be kicked out at 10. Just come back in the morning, they won’t let you in I’m pretty certain.”

“What if she wakes up!”

“Then they’ll call you! She’s getting better Tom you should be try and relax for like a second.”

“FUCK OFF HAZ! If she wakes up all alone and terrified then-“

“I’m not going to having a screaming match on the phone with you. I think we both know you wanting to come is more for you than for Y/n, because Y/n would want you to be looking after Aurora.”

Again guilt tripping using the newborn. Harsh but effective. Stopping Tom’s anger dead in it’s tracks.

“Look I can put the nurse on for her to tell you they won’t let you in and they’ll call if anything happens - but you already know that.”

“Yeh sorry fine … I know don’t bother.”

“Okay… I’m was gonna head back to my place and I know you’ve probably got your mum begging to fuss over Aurora but if-“

“Can you come?”

“Didn’t need to ask mate.”

And that’s how the night went. Until Harrison arrived at the Holland family home, Tom had spent the time pacing back and forth, blatantly ignoring the pleas of Sam just to sit down. Once he arrived though, going through all the updates in a lot more detail Tom seemed, for the first time, optimistic. By no means could you call him relaxed or happy - but compared to the rollercoaster that had been the last 24 hours, Harrison thought that was more than enough. Aurora had started fussing again at 1 but by the time it had turned into a full blown scream at Tom, Sam already had the bottle ready. It took a little bit of encouragement and promise that Tom would be able to feed her but actually, she instantly latched on, settled in her Dad’s hold while guzzling down the contents of the bottle. 

After a bit of winding she ended up falling asleep on her dads chest, only when he felt himself start to flag did Tom place her back in the basket. Harrison and him ended up crashing on the sofas, Sam retiring to his own room. Phone still tightly clutched in Tom’s grip.

////////////////////

The first thing Y/n became properly aware of was this intense heaviness all over her body. It felt as though her limbs were all composed completely of lead, meaning as much as she was just craving rolling over, it was as though her own body was holding her down. A very alien feeling that unsettled her slightly, trying to shake of the misty feeling in her head to work it all out. It took a while to drag herself out of the depths of sleep, to the point where background noise slowly faded in - an alien beeping as well as distant shuffling making her heart thump with unease. Finally, perhaps most distressingly , her eyes felt glued shut. Not because they were heavy, in the way someone extremely sleep deprived cant keep their eyes open; rather stiff like they hadn’t been used in so long they’d rusted over or something. 

The feeling  was quite horrific and isolating- as though she were locked into her body without an escape in sight. Whilst trying to calm her racing thoughts, Y/n chose to focus completely on the one thing she could do. She could listen. She listened to the beeps, focusing on the type of sound, the way it chimed so regularly; and it’s form. It was familiar, for that she was sure but for now at least she couldn’t place it. 

It felt like an investigation, trying with all her might to try and workout what the fuck was going on. To put it mildly. 

The most useful clue though, a breakthrough if you will, is when a voice sounded - clear and familiar. 

“Excuse me nurse?” It was Nikki. For sure. It was a clue, but didnt seem to make a hell of a lot of sense. Y/n was so focused on why the hell Nikki was apparently watching her sleep unconscious, she completely missed the reference to the nurse. As in hospital. As in Y/n was in hospital. “… I’m just going to swap out for my sons friend.”

“Harrison?” That voice seemed new and unfamiliar.

“Yes, he won’t be a second I’m sure.”

What was Harrison doing here too? 

It was all very confusing and hurt Y/n’s brain to try and unpick. Gradually then, everything sort of melted away, diving back into the darkness.

The next time Y/n woke up things were different. This time she woke up like she would at any time of day. She woke up and her eyes followed suit. Not particularly easily, since as soon as they cracked open she was almost blinded by brilliant white lights, it taking a build up of willpower before she tried it again - bracing for the pain. 

By now she knew something was wrong. She remembered all these patchy and hazy periods. All full of confusion and disorientation but with different voices keeping her at least semi calm. Familiar voices, all too often laced with such emotion. Especially Tom’s. She couldn’t remember what he had said, nor had she probably been able to understand it at the time - what stuck was the tone. The sadness, the hopelessness , the emptiness. 

It was scary. But it made her want to help. Made her want to open her eyes. 

After wincing at the dazzling white surroundings, Y/n blinked her eyes quickly, in an attempt to get them to adjust quicker. She saw an unfamiliar ceiling, one that was tiled in a similar way to her old school canteen. There was a  weird pressure round her mouth, eyes quickly darting down to see edges of a clear mask pressed up against the bridge of her nose. That wasn’t it though, the further she looked the more her eyes panned down this pale blue blanket, following the outline of her legs to the bottom raised edge of the bed. The hospital bed. 

Her hospital bed. 

As much as she wanted to jump up in panic; physically right now that was an impossibility. So instead, Y/n focused on trying to gleam as much information from the situation. It took a hell of a lot of effort, her muscles literally stiff and ridgid with disuse but with a small groan her neck eventually agreed to follow orders. Just a small tilt to the left and suddenly Y/n felt so much more less panicked. Everything was that bit less scary because there was Tom. 

Admittedly he didn’t look amazing, or even not bad. Tom was sat with his back pressed against the side of chair, so his body faced her. Had he not looked so ruined, Y/n would’ve laughed at the side of his face squashed into the back of the seat. But he did look horrific, for lack of a better word. His brown eyes were locked shut, but also looked puffy and red, while dark at the same time - as though he’d been attempting to gouge his own eyes out prior. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, hence why he had appeared to have collapsed in the arm chair. At least though , he wasn’t in a hospital bed himself.

That was Y/n’s pleasure. 

Her next job was to get her neck muscles to pull her head to the other side. It was a slow wincing gesture, yet she was so aware of another presence that needed to be addressed too. But actually it was 3 people.

Right at the back, a nurse sat on a little spinny chair, scribbling something down in a file of papers but to be quite honest that wasn’t were Y/n’s focus zeroed in on. Instead on Harrison who was sat in chair mirroring Tom, except instead of being passed out asleep he was cradling a baby. Her baby. 

Y/n literally felt her heart in her throat at that point, eye widening almost comically. That was her baby - it must be? The monitors all started to loose their regularity as Y/n threw an uncoordinated limb to that side of the bed- already having realised her throat was way too scratchy to try to say anything comprehensible. 

Immediately that got the attention of both the nurse, who immediately leapt up and called for support, as well as Harrison - who looked like he was seeing a ghost. 

“Oh my-Y/n-?” Luckily he kept the baby safe in his arms rather than dropping her in shock, whilst Y/n kept her eyes locked onto the bundle in his arms. Nodding down, she tried to remove the mask (actually just very slightly knocking it to one side) and attempted to ask of the baby. Her throat, being inhumanly dry and scratchy, didn’t really work but Haz still got the message, scoffing in amazement. 

“Aurora… here’s your mummy.” Harrisons voice was quiet and wavering as he delicately held Aurora against Y/n’s collar bone, the babies little tuft of har tickingling her chin. Now Y/n was crying with happiness, looking up at Haz’s icy blue eyes and questioning her name. Harrison confirmed with another disbelieving whisper, whilst the arm that wasn’t still holding Aurora clasped Y/n’s hand with a death grip. “Tom’s choice.”

The mention of him had both of them shift their gaze across the room to Tom’s chair. Even with all the developments, Tom still seemed completely unaware, fast asleep with the side of his face squished against the back of the chair making his lips slightly askew. Y/n were acutely aware of the small congregation of doctors that had accumulated in the corner of the bay but they seemed to be respectfully waiting before they would prod and poke. Haz went to call Tom’s name, before he could though, Y/n squeezed his arm and minutely shook her head. That wasn’t what the blue eyes boy had been expecting, causing Haz to unfold and bring Aurora back up to his chest as he quirked his eyebrows at her.  

She didnt need to be filled in on the situation to know exactly what was happening. She had no idea why she was in the hospital bed; how long it had been since she’d given birth - but she knew all she needed to. From Harrisons unbelievably shocked face; and from the state of Tom - it hadn’t been good. Her fiancé looked almost ghostly, it seemed evident that he needed her. First then, she gestured to Haz for some water, which after a panicked look to the nurse; then from the nurse to various doctors; she was eventually given permission. 

After somewhat alleviating the sandpaper feeling in her throat, Y/n then croakily asked for a bit of privacy. Right now the doctors all were gawking, Harrison assumed it to be because they’d all led him and Tom to believe she wouldn’t wake up for a while- and even then she was supposed to barely be awake, not able to talk and drink or anything of the sort. With an ecstatic nod Harrison, shuffled out - while doing so prompting the medical people to draw the curtains completely shut round the bay.  

Already Y/n had tears welling up in her eyes, purely because she hated seeing him like this. He just looked so broken and shattered which honestly felt worlds worse than the labour she’d gone through. Her whole body still hurt, stiff and achy for reasons yet to be explained to Y/n. None of that mattered though, as she strained her arm out to the side in order to gently reach his knee that was folded up and sticking out awkwardly at an angle. After swallowing one again, Y/n squeezed round the joint and tried to shake it slightly. Instantly the man jumped up in his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly and repeatedly as he tried to adjust to the room. 

Being so sleep deprived and stressed out, Tom’s brain was not working normally, instead with a delayed haze as he apparently skipped over Y/n in the bed, rather surveying the the closed curtains and Harrison’s now empty chair. As he was lifting himself to sit more normally up, uncurling from the armchair, was when he noticed the hand on his knee. Breath caught in his chest, Tom instinctively bit his lip as his eyes gradually traced up the hand, to the forearm, up to the shoulder. It felt like a fever dream, as though all it would take is for him to move and she’d slip away again. But there were her green eyes, gleaming in a way that literally lifted a weight from his shoulders. Her smile was tired and a little confused, but so her - after spending days of just seeing all her features lax, Tom swore that it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Only when Y/n finally croaked out a small ‘hi’ did Tom gain awareness of his body, or rather control of it, enough to leap up and leave over the bed - cradling her face in both his palms. Like a psycho he stared intently, swapping his focus from her left to her right eye like a madman. 

“Your-I-I” He was trying to speak, trying to communicate all the thoughts and regrets of things he wished he’d said to her all at once. Weakly she reached up to fully remove the oxygen mask, dragging It down to below her chin, before squeezing his wrists in comfort. Only then did Tom notice the small puddle that had collected on her cheek, which made him realise he was absolutely bawling. 

“You ‘kay?” Her voice was like sandpaper but everything about her was so completely Y/n and it was just giving Tom this unreal wave of euphoria. Physically incapable of replying, the brunette just scoffed, leaning over the bed even more so he could press his forehead on hers. He was laughing too, the fact she was asking him that seemed so preposterous, given all the tubes and wires attached to her at the moment. It took Y/n squeezing his wrist harder again to make him lean back a little, searching her eyes with his. She seemed so worried; seemed so full of concern - only then did Tom consider quite how much he’d ‘let himself go’ the past couple of days. 

It had been two days since Aurora was born, only 48 hours. But the transformation was mad, none more so than mentally. 48 hours had quite literally changed everything for Tom; changed life forever and himself too. It was showing in his unshaven face, with unwashed  greasy hair, everything just looking ‘tired’.

“‘m just really glad your awake.” It was so honest and sincere it did have Y/n wondering what had happened and for how long. What had she put her fiancé through?

“How long?”

“The worst two and a half days of my life… I got you now though, yeh?” Tom whispered wetly, while stroking the side of her cheek - wiping both his and her tears away.

“Always.”

The doctors and nurses then came in, podding and poking Y/n like no tomorrow while Harrison and Tom stood back a little - excitedly grinning at each other and the sleepy girl Haz was cradling, before Tom stole her off him. There was a momentary sick-to-his-stomach feeling after some of the professionals had cleared, seeing her eyes shut again felt like everything was crashing around him. Thankfully though, one of doctors noticed the look of despair on his face, explaining to the two men that she was just asleep normally. That although sh’ed spent along time unconscious, waking from a medical coma is in itself exhausting. 

After the initial excitement of Y/n waking the next couple of days were pretty samey. She’d been moved down to a normal ward, no longer needed all the incessant bleeping machines but still had to stay in hospital. Tom found it tricky too, he just always felt he needed to be by her side ‘just in case’. In fact, it had been a source of a bit of tension between him and his fiancé - she could see how exhausted he was from looking after Aurora, plus the stress of being in the hospital for hours a day with her. As Y/n got better and more switched on to the state of him, she realised it was inevitable he’d crash at some point.

But after a week and a half in hospital - comprising of a baby, emergency surgery, 3 days on intensive care, followed by 8 on the ward - Y/n was discharged. Nikki and Dom moved in to Y/n and Tom’s place, to provide care support both for Aurora; and Y/n for the rest of her recovery; and secretly Tom for everything he’d been through. 

She was still order on bed rest due to her surgical scars, so Tom and Nikki helped to set her up in the master bedroom as soon as they got in. Of course, everyone was aware of Toms odd mood that day. Until then the only thing he wanted was to get his fiancé back at home with him but now she was over the threshold his excitement and joy appeared to have been zapped out of him. In fact, he’d barely uttered more than a couple sentences. So once Y/n was properly comfortable and Dom had brought Aurora and the cot into the room, Tom’s parents quickly made themselves scarce. 

Tom hadn’t stopped, finding some reason to rummage around in the chest of drawers m while Y/n chewed at her bottom lip, watching him. 

“Tom?” All she got in response was a light hum. “Tom please will you come and sit down for a minute?”

“I just need to-“

“Tom!” Her exclamation finally properly got Tom to listen, jumping round to face her. “Please... please will you just stop for a second?” Y/n’s eyes felt as though they were boring holes in his skull. Really, Tom knew he’d be forced into this at some point because he couldn’t avoid Y/n. She had some power of mind reading over him. So with a defeated nod and sagging shoulders Tom rounded the bed, weaving between his side and Auroras cot - where she was sleeping soundly. 

A silence overcame the room as he heavily planted himself on his side of the bed, mirroring Y/n’s posture leant against the headboard. 

“I think we need to have an honest conversation T.”

“If you want.” Nothing about his reply was the picture of enthusiasm, causing Y/n to hesitate a little. 

“Look I am so beyond grateful for everything you’ve done while I was in hospital... and it doesn’t take a genius to tell you’ve worked yourself half to death-“

“I’m fine-“

“Don’t lie to me. I know you’re trying to protect me but please... will you just talk to me? Honestly?” 

His reply this time wasn’t completely unforeseeable but it still shocked Y/n quite how quickly it happened, especially almost unprovoked. Because that’s all it took for Tom to break, for the past 2 weeks to get their vengance, for all the repressed emotion to escape. 

He was crying- well more accurately sobbing- into his hands, his back quaking. Naturally Y/n reached out to pull him into her side, suppressing the groan of pain as she moved a little too much for her abdomen to handle. “I’m here T. I got you and I’m not going anywhere m‘kay?” 

And that’s how they stayed, for at least 10 minutes, with Tom crying into her shoulder as Y/n rubbed up and down his back. Eventually though, everything did calm down and Tom repositioned himself to lean his head on her shoulder just facing forward and focusing on playing with her fingers, lacing them fingers with his. 

In all the time since she’d woken up, Y/n was yet to broach the subject of their babies name yet. She sensed it was a sensitive topic to say the least, so had thought it best to wait till they were properly alone - not in a ward of 6 strangers where the only privacy came in flimsy blue curtains. 

“So…. Aurora huh? Thought it was too airy-fairy, head-in-the-clouds for you?”  Smiling lightly, both of them were transported back to the pregnancy when they spent hours and hours bickering over names. Aurora had always been Y/n’s favourite but to Tom thought it was more a name for a hippy kid who went around clad in tie dye and bandanas. 

“Still is a bit...but I needed a bit of a miracle and Iceland was in my head. Plus I sort of accidentally word vomited while shouting at Haz, for being nice to me.” Iceland as in when Tom had proposed under the aurora borealis in the freezing sky - when Y/n had agreed, promised even, to be with him forever.

“But you like it?”

“Of course... mother always knows best after all.”

“I think it suits her too. One of your best choices to date, listening to me.” Y/n mused, earning herself a very delicate but still playful elbow in the side before the room drifted back to a much more comfortable silence. 

“We’re gonna get through this you know? Me, you and her, we’re together in this... I’m sorry I wasn’t in the beginning and I’m sorry I hurt you but now? I promise you got me and I’m not going anywhere…” Y/n needed to say it and needed Tom to properly listen. “ ...literally, I still cant walk properly.” Tom chuckled wetly at that, which made Y/n feel a lot better too. 

To be completely honest, Tom was still hurt and he knew it’d take some mending to move past everything. By no means did he blame Y/n in anyway but just the fact he was left alone and abandoned - well, it was the worst time in his life. The way Y/n understood that and had apologised to him - if completely unnecessarily- meant everything. Meant she would help him to heal... whilst he helped her too. 

“Can we just go to sleep? I need to wake up beside you in our bed not at tiny hospital one.” It was only 3 in the afternoon but because of Y/n’s medicine she was constantly drowsy and Tom? Tom was still in this permanent state of exhaustion. So it wasn’t so much of a weird request as it was on the face of it. With a nod, Y/n shuffled down on the bed a bit more resting her head against the top of Tom’s. It was exactly what they both needed, just a bit of peace with each other. 

That lasted all of 5 minutes before Aurora woke and started to scream. 

Life had most definitely changed. Especially for Tom. Because even though he was he was mentally and physically exhausted,  he only appreciated his daughters screams whole heartedly... because Y/n was there groaning with a tired smile too. They were in this together. 

~~~~

 I really hope the ending didnt disappoint too much, im aware its rushed as hell, but thank you for getting this far! And I hope maybe this series has done a teeny tiny bit to normalise not everything in pregnancy and child birth being perfect - that there is morbidity and mortality associated. Obviously this is all fictional (esp the amazingly quick recovery and lack of neurological/other impairments) and not medically accurate in the slightest !!

my inbox is always open :) t x

Tagging : @whitewolf51 

[notmymainblog]

if you're accepting requests, could you do a post-azkaban sirius x reader where she's the same age as tonks so they're in like a more secret relationship but somehow the whole order finds out?

I just deleted all of my progress, and I’m ready to die.

Idk if you see responses to your asks unless I tag u so I'm tagging you @msmb

I believe the age gap between Remus and Tonks is ten years?

I put Trewlany in the order to add some spice

If i forget a member of the order: no the fuck i didn’t.

TW: stressed Sirius </3 fluff, mentions, of war, them making out cause it’s literally unavoidable. uuuh that's it.

Master list

InteractiveFics

To use:

Download obvi. Click the icon (upper right by the search bar) in the first box to enter your name. If you did it correctly y/n should read as your actual name. Under that it will say something along the lines of “need to change something other than y/n?” there you can change anything you want.

y/h/c and y/h don't work together so please enter y/ho if you're inputting your Hogwarts house

Here’s a song I like:

There was a war coming. A dangerous war against a dangerous man. Everyone was freaking the fuck out, especially Sirius. The boy he was supposed to be protecting was caught up in the middle of it all.

You were the best method of stress relief. Your y/h/c hair, soft skin, smell, taste, voice, laugh, everything about you made Sirius slow down, take deeper breaths. Sometimes you were the only way he could fall asleep.

But he was old, or so he thought, ‘I’m thirty fucking six, and she’s in her twenties. This is ridiculous. She can’t really love me,’ he’d think.

But time and time again, you proved him wrong. Showing him how much you loved him with every kiss, with every touch, with every word, with every breath. And he gave your love right back. You were there for him, and he was there for you.

As you were lying in bed, you turned to face him, “I want to tell them,” you said.

He pulled you close as he whispered, “I know you do, but what would Molly think? Or Remus? Or Harry? Hermione would flip her shit and Arthur-”

“Ok, ok, I get it,” you grumbled.

He made up for it by placing a kiss on your nose. He moved to your mouth, and one kiss turned to three, turned to four and five, as you made out. His beard tickled your chin, and his mustache brushed your cupid's bow. Your hands made their way to his hair. God, you loved it when it was long. Threading your fingers through it and pulling gently.

As he moved to your neck, and suddenly the tugging wasn't as gentle. Small gasps and mewls escaped your mouth. His hands rubbed your sides, slowly moving your shirt up your body. He was in no hurry, but you were.

“God, Sirius, please just touch me, baby. I love you so much,” you gasped.

“I love you too, y/n,” he whispered.

“My word!” Molly exclaimed, dropping her laundry basket.

“Molly, I am so sorry, just please don’t...tell,” you trailed off, seeing she had already left.

You turned to Sirius, “what do you think?” you asked.

“I think,” he began, “that she’s going to sit with Tonks after the kids have gone to bed. I think she’s going to get a little tipsy. I think she’s going to tell Tonks. And I firmly believe the whole Order will know by the end of tomorrow.” he said.

You smiled, “would that really be the worst thing in the world?”

He kissed you, “no, but the lectures will be.” he laughed.

You groaned, “I don’t wanna think about it.”

A knock on the door startled you both into sitting positions, “y-yes, come in,” you stuttered.

Fred opened the door, “Mum wants you downstairs for dinner, dunno why she didn’t tell you herself,” he smirked, “nice side part Sirius, please get rid of it as soon as possible it makes your face look asymmetrical.”

“oh my god, Fred and George are going to kill us,” you whispered after he left.

“what’s really scary was the side part you gave me on accident, never again y/n,” he smiled, nuzzling the side of your face affectionately.

“no, that tickles, hey! Quit it! I’m serious, oh don’t you dare,” you warned.

“hmm, I’m pretty damn sure that I’m Sirius,” he said, looking at you for a reaction.

You clenched your jaw before getting up and walking down the stairs. You and Sirius refused to look at Molly the entire time, and Molly did the same.

“I’m sensing an energy,” Trewlany began. You internally groaned. She closed her eyes and raised her hands above her head with her palms facing upward.

“A nervous energy between two, no! Three people. At this,” she pointed away from you, “end of the table,”

Hermione glowered at her.

“Hermione dear, I can feel that it is radiating off of you specifically from your heart,” she said.

She got up from her chair and put a hand over Hermione’s heart, “Ah, yes. So sad, so hopeless, and suddenly angry, whatever could have caused that?” Trelawny pondered.

“I’ll be back with black sage and crystals, dear. I can help you become at peace with the darkness inside yourself,” Trewlany said, walking away from the table.

“She is absolutely batshit,” Hermione whisper shouted.

“I dunno ‘mione she might be right,” Ron said, shrugging.

“Oh shut up, Ronald,” Hermione groaned.

“Hey, you two,” You said, pointing at them, “break it up. Now I’m feeling the negative energy too.”

Hermione rolled her eyes before going back to her food.

The rest of dinner was quiet until Trewlany shuffled into the room, “there, there, dear, I’ll fix it in a millisecond,”

You gave Hermione a glare. She clenched her jaw and let Trewlany get to “work.” A few minutes later, Hermione was “cleansed,” and dinner came to an end.

You and Sirius took a seat on the couch. He looked around before pressing a firm kiss to your lips which you returned gladly.

You both chuckled when you pulled apart.

“Sorry, just couldn’t resist,” he whispered.

“It is more than alright,” you whispered back.

Little did you know the youngest ginger girl residing in the house was watching with a hand clapped over her mouth.

She rushed upstairs, “Ronald, get out of my room. You’re such an asshole,” Hermione said.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender, “Oh hi Ginny,” he said.

As soon as he left, Ginny closed and locked the door.

“You’re never going to believe what I just saw,” she said, grinning.

“Well, go on,” Hermione said, obviously impatient, “spit it out!”

She took a deep breath, “I just saw y/n and Sirius snogging,” she gushed.

“No,” Hermione gasped, “You’re fucking with me!”

“y/n and Sirius?” George said, from behind the door. You looked down to see an extendable ear.

“George, what the fuck!” Hermione said.

“When Ginny ran up the stairs, I knew it was gonna be good, but this, this is amazing, this is priceless, this is- I gotta tell Fred,” he said, running away from the door.

“do not pester that poor girl, or I’ll hex you!” Hermione called after him.

“No promises!” he called back.

She turned to Ginny, “I think one of their only talents is eavesdropping” she nodded.

Meanwhile, in the boy’s shared room, Fred’s mouth hung open, and his eyes were wide.

“No!” Fred exclaimed, as George nodded, “But he’s so old!”

George elbowed him, “he’s not that old. He’s only...I have no clue how old he is, but he’s not old,”

“Oi, do you still have an extendable ear?” Fred asked.

“how do you think I heard it, dummy?” he said as Fred rolled his eyes.

Fred and George crept down the hall to your room. When they discovered you weren’t there, they crept up to Sirius’s room on the third floor. The ear wriggled under the door to hear soft voices.

“You have to be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen y/n. I am so lucky to have you. I have to be the luckiest man on earth,” he whispered into your ear.

“oh, hush,” you said, they could tell from just your voice that your cheeks were pink, “Besides, look at you. God, you’re fucking artwork, Sirius,” your hand ran up and down his chest.

The twins heard his lips press to your forehead. Of course, they had no idea it was your forehead. They could definitely tell when his lips hit yours. The kisses sounded wetter, and your laugh was muffled. They quickly pulled the ear back from under the door making disgusted faces at each other and shaking their heads.

You and Sirius fell asleep pretty quickly, Fred and George debated bleaching their ears, and Molly did, in fact, get drunk with Tonks. At breakfast, you and Sirius felt five new pairs of eyes on you.

‘what if I just kissed her right now?’ he thought, ‘in front of everyone.’

He shook it off, deciding against it. Towards the end of breakfast, he felt your hand squeeze his, bringing a smile to his face. After breakfast, you sat in the living room with Harry and Ron. It seemed that the only people who didn’t know were Ron, Harry, Remus, and Trelawny. You and Harry had always gotten along well. He saw you as a protector, someone to help and comfort him.

Your heart warmed every time he came to you for advice or just to vent. He was funny too. It was rare when no one laughed at his jokes. Ron liked you a lot also, mostly because Harry liked you and you “weren’t mean like Hermione,” Ginny and Hermione saw you as their best friend too. You had sleepovers at least once a week.

You were joyful and youthful, and everyone wanted to be near you. Even Fred and George would (rarely) avoid pranking you or ask for help. You didn’t get on as well with Tonks and Molly. Ever since Remus rejected her, she had been depressed. Now that she knew you were with Sirius and that the age gap between you two was the same as hers, there was a coldness in her tone. She may have even slightly resented you.

Molly was lovely but quite judgmental, and things were just...awkward. Arthur was kind, but you didn’t have any overlapping interests. And, to quote Hermione, Trelawny was “absolutely batshit,” You got on well with Remus, which always made Sirius smile.

Two ginger boys ran in being chased by a brunette and another ginger girl.

“Fred and George Weasley, don’t you dare!” Hermione said.

“Oh, we dare!” they said in unison.

They stopped in front of Harry and Ron.

“Boys, what are you-” you began.

“y/n and Sirius are snogging,” they said together. They were pretty damn good at it.

Harry was processing the new information very slowly and, well, we all know that look Ron gets when something confuses him. Then they turned to you and Sirius. He sat back on the couch with a small smirk while your eyes were wide with blush covering your cheeks.

“You look so cute like that, y’know,” he said, grabbing your chin to face him.

“Sirius,” you hissed.

“What? They all know,” he shrugged.

Much to his delight, your cheeks grew even warmer.

“So you're, ” Harry started; his reaction was the one you were most worried about, but a large smile graced his face, “y-youre gonna be like my godmother, right?”

You looked at Sirius who nodded, “yeah, yeah I am, ” you smiled.

Harry got up and hugged you, “hey, were not engaged or anything everyone calm down, ” you joked.

“Well actually y/n, ” Sirius smirked.

“Youre fucking joking,” you said.

“Yeah, I'm joking, but someday I won't be, ” he laughed.

Remus just leaned on the doorframe, watching this all go down. When everything calmed down, he walked through the room, stopping to pat Sirius on the back.

------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, msmb, I have a warning about the next request of yours I'm posting: it fucking sucks. I mixed fandoms with MHA because I have an obsession with a wrinkly psychopath and man who looks like burnt toast that I just needed to get out of my system. I will ONE HUNDRED PERCENT rewrite it for u love <3

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 22

A/N:  So this chapter actually marks the end of the plot line of the movie “The Devil Wears Prada” -- I’m sure the dialogue after the Zamboni driver game from last chapter and the “By all means, move at a glacial place, you know how that thrills me” line was a bit of a hint.  Also, we’re striking that last scene where Andie apologizes to Nate in the restaurant because she had absolutely nothing to apologize for 😤 ANYWAYS, this means that from this point, up until maaaaaybe the final FINAL chapters (whenever this thing ends, because I still don’t know when), all content and storyline is original and not based on the movie, although it will still obviously be inspired by it.  We love consistency!  Have a great read, and enjoy!  Let me know what you think as always!

February 24th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom watched as Brendan and Kyle were answering phones left, right, and centre.

Seriously.  At one point, Kyle had three on his ears.  He didn’t have three ears.  All because of the damned trade deadline.  And it was still only 9:30 in the morning.  

The room was set up the way she was told to set it up; prepared how Brendan wanted it prepared.  Every major voice for both the Leafs and the Marlies was in the room – Brendan, Kyle, Brandon, Dave, Reid, Leanne, Sheldon, Paul, Dave, Andrew, Jim, Troy, and even Laurence, Mike, Greg, AJ, and Rob from the Toronto Marlies.  At the front of the room, on the whiteboard, there were the names of all the players – even those in the system – glued to magnets so they could move them around.  On the other side were magnets with names of some other players from teams that they’d been looking at bringing in through a trade.  Three phones were hooked up in the room, and Brendan and Kyle were on their cellphones a lot.  There was a TV set up for video playback and hooked up to Reid’s laptop.  Brendan would exit and enter the board room at will while he was on his phone.  So would Kyle.  Kyle was dealing with most of the possible cap stuff.  There were worksheets everywhere.  

And in the back of Aberdeen’s mind, all she could think about was Tyson Barrie.

He’d been on her mind since the drive home, really, and since all the ramp up for the trade deadline started.  And she couldn’t help but wonder if Brendan and Kyle knew of him wanting to be traded and him being unhappy.  Did Brendan and Kyle concern themselves with the private lives of their players?  Even if the player said nothing?  That was the ultimate question Aberdeen needed answered, because now that she recognized all the clues, it was glaringly obvious to her how much Tyson wanted out.  She hadn’t said anything, obviously.  His name magnet wasn’t moving around much, but she knew how much he wanted to be moved.  She was conflicted.  

“This motherfu…” she heard Brendan mumble as he looked down at his phone.  “Can someone post a memo to the entire fucking league that we’re not trading Nylander, for fuck sakes,” he announced to the room.  “The core isn’t on the fucking table unless Connor Mc-fucking-David is in the mix.”

Aberdeen let out a shaky breath she didn’t know she was holding in.  William being traded was not, for some reason, a worry of hers, if only because everyone knew he was having a banner year and Kyle had made explicitly clear that he wasn’t going to be traded so long as he was GM.  

Kapanen.

Johnsson.  

Gauthier.

Holl.

Ceci.

“It’s not in his contract but Spezza won’t go anywhere.  He wants to be here.”

“If Johnsson goes it’s one less player we offer up to Seattle when the time comes.”

“Can Kappy go?  He’s good bait.  He’s got a friendly contract.”

It didn’t help that everything ended at 3pm.  It also didn’t help that they had a charter flight waiting for them at 4:30 to take them to Tampa for their game tomorrow.  Aberdeen didn’t know how they were going to handle this timeline.  What if they made a blockbuster trade?  What if someone was shipped off to the west coast at 2:59pm and had to uproot his whole life?  Everybody in the room wasn’t exactly calm, but she didn’t know how they could take about trading these players as if they were cattle being moved.  She knew this happened in all sports, but now that she was a part of it (well, in the room – it wasn’t like she was making decisions), it made everything more complicated for her.  

“Tyson’s staying.  Tyson – no – Tyson – Tyson is – Tyson is staying,” she heard Brendan repeating to Kyle, in what looked like a semi-private conversation.  She couldn’t hear some of the other things he was saying, but some words were said loud enough.  Contract.  Avalanche.  Kadri trade.  Defense.  Rielly-Barrie.  

Happy.

Aberdeen gulped.  Did Brendan think he was happy here?  Did Kyle?  Because she knew the exact opposite.  She knew Tyson wasn’t, but she was sworn to secrecy by Tyson that she wouldn’t say a word to Brendan.  But Brendan was wrong.  Tyson wanted out.  

Should…should she say something?

She liked Tyson.  She wanted to see him happy.  It was complicated, though, because she had no loyalty to him.  She did, in a way, as an acquaintance – as someone who overheard a private conversation and then was asked not to share the details of it – but she had more loyalty to Brendan.  Her boss.  The guy who was trying to build a team that would win the Stanley Cup.  The guy that her job depended on.  

“Aberdeen.”

Like, who was she loyal to the most?  If she actually said something to Brendan, would Tyson hate her forever?  Would the entire team turn their back on her and hate her forever too?  Because she couldn’t shut her mouth?  Because she was a tattle-tale and exposed—

“Aberdeen.”

—exposed a secret of one of the players to the boss?  But that secret was tied to his mental health.  It’s not like she saw a guy hook up with a teammate’s girlfriend or escort or do blow off a toilet seat or something.  This was integral to the well-being of a player—

“Aberdeen!”

She snapped out of her thoughts to see and hear Brendan calling her over.  She jumped out of her seat and ran over to him.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.  Sorry.  What do you need?”

“I think Chipotle is in order for lunch for everyone,” he said.  “Do you mind taking everyone’s orders?”

Seventeen Chipotle orders later, Aberdeen was waiting in the restaurant at a bar table, most definitely holding up the line that was starting to form due to her massive order.  She took out her phone and saw that William had texted her a heart earlier but she hadn’t seen it.  He had the day off.

how bad does tyson want out of Toronto? be honest

how do u know?

i overheard him and emma talking when they drove me home once is it really bad?

can i call u?

no

it’s not that he doesn’t like it here bc he loves the guys and he likes the city well he really didn’t like babs i think that’s a given but he found it really hard to transition from colorado to here like he couldn’t adjust and support wise he didn’t or doesn’t feel he’s been supported enough and he’s trying his hardest to mesh within the lines and be the guy he was in colorado but he just can’t and it’s driving him crazy

Aberdeen felt herself take a deep breath.  Not that she thought the conversation in the car was out of the blue or a one-off, but at least she had confirmation from another source now.  She couldn’t help but wonder if Tyson talked to the guys on the team about it.  Like, was it an open secret between them?  

why r u asking minskatt

She knew she’d have to lie about that one.  Even though William was her boyfriend, she couldn’t reveal any secrets of what was happening in that war room.  If she did, Brendan would probably put her head in a guillotine.  

all i see on twitter and the sports channels is us moving him they think they’re in the war room with us but they’re not and it’s just funny to me that they already think it’s a done deal

welcome to the toronto media i am getting traded too, haven’t u heard 😉

Aberdeen smiled.  He was such a little shit.  

you’re never leaving me.

never, minskatt ❤️

“Alright, I got seventeen bowls!” the cashier yelled, and Aberdeen knew that was her cue.  They were all stuffed into multiple bags and labelled appropriately, so she handed over the company card to pay.  Holding the four bags in both hands, she made her way back towards the office.  

When she got back, it was very chaotic.  The reports were now everywhere.  Half the people in the room had left to do God knows what.  Kyle was frustrated on the phone with someone.  And Brendan was nowhere to be seen.  “You might want to find him,” Kyle said as Aberdeen handed him his burrito bowl.  His hand was covering the receiver.  

Aberdeen nodded frantically.  She stopped putting all the burrito bowls on the table where people had been sitting, but for some reason grabbed Brendan’s before she began running around the halls, popping into rooms to search for him.  He was nowhere.  She tried texting and calling.  Nothing.  She thought about screaming his name down the hall.  Her mind was getting the best of her.  Why did Kyle need him?  Who was he on the phone with?  

Were they about to make a trade for Tyson?

She needed to find him.  She needed to tell him.

After circling the halls twice, she finally saw him walking, his winter jacket on, phone to his ear before ending the call and walking towards the board room.  “Brendan, Brendan, wait.  I need to talk to you,” she scurried to his side.  “Tyson Barrie wants to be moved.  He told—I overheard a conversation between him and his girlfriend in the car once when they were driving me home after a flight about how deeply unhappy he was here and how he sort of knew he was going to get traded or at least wanted to get traded somewhere so he wouldn’t have to be here and have the pressure on him and maybe be happy again and I promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you but now I am because I thought that maybe if I told you, that you could fix it—”

“Do I smell chicken?” Brendan asked suddenly, taking off his jacket.  

Aberdeen stopped.  Her brain felt like it just short-circuited.  “What?  No.  I—I specifically told them the beef bowl for you—”

“If I have chicken in mine, I will be very disappointed,” he said, taking his burrito bowl from her hands and giving her his jacket instead before disappearing into the conference room, leaving Aberdeen standing there in shock.  

***

The New York Rangers traded Brady Skjei for a first round pick.  The Edmonton Oilers acquired Tyler Ennis, who Aberdeen knew was one of Bee McTavish’s best friends.  Patrick Marleau went to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

But the Leafs stayed quiet.  Calle Rosen came back.  That’s it.  Tyson wasn’t moved.  He was staying a Toronto Maple Leaf.  Aberdeen wondered what he was feeling right now.  She wondered if he and Emma already had their bags packed for nothing.  As everybody went home, Aberdeen cleaned up the boardroom.  When it was time to go to the airport, she went to her desk to grab her suitcase.  Brendan was waiting outside his office.  

The walk to the town car was quiet.  The loading of their suitcases into the trunk was quiet.  The getting into the back of the car together was quiet.  The sitting there as Lou drove through the downtown streets and onto the highway to get to the airport was quiet.  

“You thought I didn’t know…” Brendan began, his voice low as he stared out the window.  When she heard his voice, Aberdeen turned her head slowly towards him.  “I’ve known what was happening for quite some time.  It just took me a while to find out what to do with Tyson.  A few teams were interested, and were probably willing, come July, to make him absurdly overpaid that he would have jumped at it.  But I had to tell everyone he was unavailable.”

Aberdeen felt a shiver run up her spine.  Unavailable?  If Brendan knew Tyson wanted to be moved – if he knew how unhappy he was – then why wouldn’t he move him?  

“The truth is, there is no-one available in the league right now that can fill his place on our team, regardless of how unhappy he is,” Brendan continued.  “Any of the other players would have found this job impossible and the team would have suffered.  Especially because of the way the media is here.  The list of writers, journalists, media personalities, analysts…they eat the players alive.  It takes a very special type of player to want to play in Toronto.  That’s why it was, and is still, such a big deal that John came home.  Hockey is a business, Aberdeen.  I’ve known for a while he was unhappy.  But I couldn’t trade him.  I couldn’t reconsider.”

Aberdeen took a deep breath.  And there it was.  Tyson Barrie was more valuable deeply unhappy here than he was happy somewhere else.  The realization hit her like a ton of bricks.  Hockey was a business, just like Brendan said.  Despite her best intentions, good people had to make tough decisions – Brendan’s was to keep Tyson on the team.  Brendan wanted to win more than anything, and he still thought he could do that with Tyson.

“But I was very, very impressed, by how intently you tried to warn me,” Brendan continued, finally looking at her.  Aberdeen found it hard to meet his eye, not showing any emotion on her face.  “I never thought I would say this, Aberdeen, but I really…I see a great deal of myself in you.  You can see beyond what people want and what they need…and you can choose for yourself.”

Aberdeen shook her head slightly.  “I don’t think I’m like that.  I – I could do what you just did to Tyson.  I couldn’t do something like that.”

“Hmph…but you already did,” Brendan said.  “To Peter.”

Aberdeen’s eyes bulged out dramatically.  “That’s not what I – no, that was different.  I didn’t have a choice.”

“Oh no no no, you chose,” Brendan said sternly.  “You chose to get ahead.  You want to be successful in this life, those choices are necessary.”

Aberdeen felt like she was about to cry.  She could feel her cheeks redden.  “But what if this isn’t what I want?  I mean, what if I don’t want to live the way you live or be in a career the way you conduct your career?  Not caring about people’s happiness and only caring about success.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Aberdeen.  Everybody wants this.  Everybody wants to be successful.  Even writers.”

Aberdeen hadn’t even noticed Lou had stopped the car because they’d arrive at the airport.  She could only watch as the door unlocked and Brendan slipped on his sunglasses for the bright winter sun, getting out of the car and walking back to the trunk to get his suitcase.  Aberdeen took a minute to process everything.  What Brendan had just said.  What he revealed to her.  

Dumb.  She was so dumb.  And she still had so much to learn.  

Aberdeen was quiet as she walked into the airport with Brendan.  She was quiet as they checked in, quiet as they walked to their private hangar, quiet as she saw some of the boys and quiet as she plopped down into a seat, stuffing her headphones into her ears.  She knew she should be thankful to be spending her 22nd birthday in Florida, but now, all she could think about was the conversation she’d just had with Brendan.  Even William arriving almost didn’t even register with her.

She napped on the plane, not wanting to deal with hockey for at least an hour of her day.  

***

The hotel was taking too long to get the key cards and reservations sorted for everyone.  Aberdeen tried not to huff and puff, but she was tired.  She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to out for dinner.  After the stress of the last two days, and especially today, she just wanted to get under the covers of her bed and sleep.  Sleep would make her happy again.  More than anything, she wanted to be in a good mood for her birthday tomorrow, even if she was working.

“Ab-er-deeeeeeeen Blooooooooom,” the way-too-perky helper called out her name.  Aberdeen approached her and got her room key, mumbling a thank you.  She was on the 5th floor.  

Auston had followed behind her, grabbing his as well.  When they rejoined the loosely assembled group, he took a look at her.  “You look really tired, Aberdeen,” he commented.

She glared at him.  She couldn’t believe the audacity of him.  She’d just been up for almost two days straight because of the stupid trade deadline.  Lucky for him that he didn’t have to work the last two days.  And lucky for him that he didn’t have to worry about being traded like most of the other guys on the team.  He could at least sleep at night knowing he wasn’t going to be traded for the next five years.  “You can just say I look like shit, you know,” she deadpanned.  

Auston’s eyes bulged out.  “No no no—I didn’t mean—”

“Whatever, Auston,” she grumbled, shaking her head.  “I know I look like shit, alright?  I don’t need you to tell me.”

“Aberdeen, I didn’t mean it like that at all—”

“It’s fine,” she shook her head again, grabbing her suitcase and dragging it behind her as she stomped away from him.  She didn’t have time for his excuses or for him trying to cover up his tracks.  She practically punched the elevator button so she could go up to her room before everybody else.  Screw waiting for everyone.  

She was barely able to unpack her toiletries into her washroom before the first text came through on her phone.  Of course, it was William.

saw u stomping away what happened?

She wasn’t exactly going to tell him what Auston said because God knows what he would do.

I’m just tired Willy.  I’ve practically been up for 48 hours.

but u need to eat

I’ll order room service, but I’m not going out for dinner.

She left it at that.  She heard her phone buzz a few times afterwards but she made a conscious decision not to answer it.  She needed to be alone with her thoughts instead.  She didn’t need to be around Auston telling her she looked tired.  She didn’t need to be around Willy who would be staring at her all night.  She didn’t need to be around Mitch and his hyperactive puppy personality.  She didn’t need to be around Tyson who was probably sulking at the fact that he wasn’t trad—

A knock.

She took her sweet time going to open it.  When she did, she was greeted with Jason Spezza and Jake Muzzin on the other side.  She almost wanted to shut the door in their face but knew that would be the rudest thing she’d ever done.  “We’re going for tacos.  You in?”

“No.”

It was actually Jake who looked more taken aback by her statement than Jason.  She figured it was because Jason knew better.  “No to tacos?  I think that’s the first time in my life I’ve ever heard anyone say no to tacos.”

Aberdeen cracked a half smile.  “Have fun guys, but I’m exhausted.  I’ve been up for like two days because of the deadline.”

“That’s all the more reason for you to get a healthy meal in,” Jake pressed.  

Before she could politely decline again, she saw two figures out of the corner of her eye walking down the hallway towards them.  One was William – she could figure him out from miles away just by how his hair looked – but once the other came into focus, a lump formed in her throat.  Tyson was with him.  

“We goin’ for tacos or what?” Tyson asked.  There was a smile on his face.  A fake one for sure, Aberdeen thought, all things considering.

And then it happened.  She felt the blood and emotion rush to her cheeks, and she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and responsibility for the man that was standing in front of her right now.  She’d tried to help him and her attempt failed.  And in that attempt to help, she betrayed him.  She couldn’t even look him in the eye.  “Please, just go,” she shook her head.  

“What?  What’s going on?” Jake looked in between Tyson and Aberdeen.

“Will you guys just leave me alone?” she pleaded, her voice strained as she felt tears well in her eyes.  “Please.  I’m so tired and I’m so—”

“Inside your room, now,” Jason pointed to her bed, not even waiting for her to make the first move, and instead just walking in himself.  Everybody followed – everybody except William – who took his spot leaning on the doorway so he wasn’t actually in her room.  But he was watching.  And every muscle in his body wanted to walk in with everyone.

“What’s going on?” Jason asked softly.  “What’s the real issue here?”

Aberdeen shook her head.  She still couldn’t look Tyson in the eye, but when she could, she almost broke down.  It took every ounce of strength in her not to burst out crying and maintain some type of composure.  “I’m so sorry.  I tried, I really tried—” she began.

“Tried what?” Tyson asked.

She hesitated.  “Listen, I know – I’ll understand if you hate me forever because of this – I know you told me not to tell Brendan what I heard Emma say in the car, but I couldn’t help it,” she began.  Tyson’s face visibly softened.  “I thought that maybe if I told him he’d actually deal you out, and you could be—you could be happy again, you know, or at least somewhere where—”

“Aberdeen—”

“—but he couldn’t, and he didn’t, and I just feel horrible for betraying you by telling him and I feel so responsible now for everything that happened and I can’t live with myself—”

“—Aberdeen, are you apologizing right now because I wasn’t traded?” Tyson asked.  Aberdeen didn’t respond.  “Aberdeen, come on.  You’re not the general manager or the president.”

“But I could have helped—”

“No, you couldn’t have,” he shook his head.  Though his words were short there was a softness and a sentimentality in his voice, even a hint of surprise that she’d even go so far as to feel responsible for not being able to deal him to another team.  He understood what she was getting at, understood why she was mad and was feeling this way, but ultimately, he was shocked that she was getting so emotional over it.  “You’re not responsible for that sort of stuff, Aberdeen.  I know you were trying to help, and I thank you for that, but the responsibility of what happens on trade deadline day falls on absolutely nobody in this room, not least the personal assistant to the president.”

She sniffled slightly.  “I just thought that if I told him he’d be more inclined—”

“It doesn’t work that way,” he shook his head, looking her in the eye.  “But thanks.  I appreciate what you did in its own way.  Just remember that it’s not your job to write the narrative.”

He was telling that to an aspiring writer.  Go figure.  But Aberdeen took in the words, really took them to heart, as she nodded her head quickly.  “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.  And I don’t hate you,” Tyson said.  “I see where you’re coming from.  Just maybe don’t try to do it again.”

She let out the slightest of chuckles.  “Yeah, I think that’s best.”

“William?  What are you doing in Aberdeen’s room?”

Everybody whipped their heads towards the doorway to see Brendan Shanahan peeking in.  Aberdeen thanked the fucking Lord (and would probably pray the entire rosary tonight) over the fact that she was able to control her emotions and not cry during the interaction, and also that two of the men currently in her room were married with children and the other had a serious girlfriend or else it would all look very suspicious.  Brendan took a few steps in and saw Jason, Jake, and Tyson.  He didn’t look suspicious, but he didn’t exactly look happy.  He had a neutral look Aberdeen couldn’t make out.  “I’m not sure if I like four of you in Aberdeen’s room like this,” he said.  

“That’s my fault,” Jake piped up immediately.  “I was forcing her to come out to eat with us.  I was making sure she had at least something to eat since she kept saying no.  Tys and Spezz followed to make sure, too.”

Brendan’s look became much more neutral at Jake’s words.  “Hmm…I get it.  Healthy meals and all.  But she can order room service if she doesn’t want to go out.  She’s been up for the past two days almost.”

Jake smiled.  “Her words exactly.  We were literally just on our way out.”

“Have fun boys,” he said, dismissing them.  “And I’ll see you tomorrow, Aberdeen.”

She nodded.  Everybody filed out of her room, each one of the giving her one last look before leaving.  William was last, of course, letting his look linger for longer than the rest before letting the door close behind him.  She let out a deep breath.

love how that was the closest we’ve ever been to getting caught and i wasn’t even in ur room

The text came from William not even two minutes after he left.  Leave it to him to make light of it, she thought.  But it was the following text that got her thinking.

can u tell how the boys wouldn’t say a word now?