#wow! I can’t believe they’re both trans and bisexual!

[fozzielands]

aa i finished this awhile ago but totally forgot to post it here. but a silly summer jonatello drawing b4 I have 2 go to back to school :,((

[mishafletcher]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping. 

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but— 

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something. 

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers. 

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too. 

[monsterfuxxxxer]

When I was young, trans ppl fled the bi community because it was super transphobic. To be fair, all communities were transphobic. Look up lesbian separatists and other anti trans groups of the late 90s, early 2000s. Panphobes are right when they say pan was created to mean cis and trans ppl, but they're wrong about the reason. We created pan to mean cis and trans, to prevent the transphobia from spreading. So that you literally cannot be pan and transphobic at the same time. We have some fetish pans, and some pans who think trans ppl are different genders from cis, which is really bad. But the pan community has always been trans allies.

This response ended up being LONG wow

While I see that you have good intentions, it’s important to point out that no one is immune to transphobia based on identities alone.

I see that you are aware that it’s a problem when pan people draw a line between transmen transwomen and men and women, but you also said that pan was created to include cis and trans people. I want to expand on this because the line of logic here is what people are having a problem with:

I would disagree with “panphobes are right when they say pan was created to include cis and trans people” because bisexuality already did that. We can’t go saying that pansexuality was created to include trans people because that’s the transphobic problem that pan critiquers are pointing out.

The thing that by very very simple definition alone that differentiates pan and bi are the roots of the words, as I explained in the response post. Bisexuality has always included men, women, nb and any genderqueer people. That being said, it makes sense for young people to not know this when looking at definition alone and without knowledge of the bi communities intricacies, to create the pan label to include all genders.

HEAR ME: BI PEOPLE ALWAYS INCLUDED ALL GENDERS, BUT ITS VALID TO HAVE CREATED PAN TO DO THE SAME THING AND ITS VALID TO ID AS EITHER.

To hear more on that, skip to the “I want to draw a line between actual lgbt+ ideas and terf mentality” section

I have a couple things to say before that though:

The mentality that you can id as pan and that means you’re not transphobic is the big issue here. The pan community has to stop spreading this mentality because it isn’t true. Pan people absolutely can be transphobic, as can anyone in any community.

Pan people are being targeted rn because of saying things like “because I’m attracted to men women AND trans people, I am immune to transphobia.” We have to stop letting people believe that transmen and transwomen should be classified differently than men and women, and that being attracted to trans people makes you immune to transphobia.

This exact mentality is why pansexuality is being attacked rn.

We’re wasting time arguing over whether bi or pan is the one true valid identityTM when the truth is theyre both great. The difference between them is either small or nonexistent but matters to some people and that’s fine! They can coexist! It’s wonderful and beautiful! They’re FUNCTIONALLY synonyms but as I said, it’s preference!

What we should be spending time on is spreading info to help people avoid falling into terf mentality.

I want to draw a line between actual lgbt+ ideas and terf mentality.

The bisexual people you knew that excluded trans people? Probably affected by terf mentality.

They were young and unless they came from an lgbt+ positive family, had an education system that taught them about trans identity, or were magically never affected by problematic mainstream ideas, terf mentality probably bled into their ideas.

Pan people that say being attracted to transmen and transwomen makes them different from bi people? Terf mentality.

At some point in everyone’s lives, we were led to believe that transmen and transwomen are different from men and women. We were led to believe that bisexuality mean an attraction to two genders, and that those two genders were the binary of men and women. At some point, we were all led to believe these things and through community support, NOT faceless tumblr attack posts, unlearned them and grew as people.

I believe that it was somewhere in this miscommunication in which pansexuality was created to include genderqueer people that don’t fall into the men/women label. it is mostly young people identifying as pan and it is mostly young people that only have the words they hear and their interpretation of them to give meaning to. Even if they stumble upon the real bi mentality that bi includes all genders, it’s still valid to id with the pan label, or to change and feel more comfortable with the bi label, or the omnisexual label or literally anything it doesn’t matter and it’s harmless and we should support them.

So to the people spreading pan hate: if your goal is to divide the community, keep it up. If your goal is to stop transphobia, there is a more effective less harmful way to do that which also saves you from dividing the lgbt+ community

Spread information about how bisexuality includes all genders too, and the matter of preference between identifying as bi or pan is just preference.

Doing this will stop people in the pan community from getting the idea that “bisexual means two genders” to begin with.

And keep spreading information about transmen and transwomen, what it means to be trans, transphobic people and blogs to avoid, and how to avoid transphobia all together. Share resources that educate people about bisexuality, pansexuality, and the trans identity.

Alright that was probably much longer of an answer than you wanted but if you read all that, thanks!

[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought

[newt--x]

I spent an amazing day.

I was outside all day (5h30 in a row so... it counts), I was chilling with Remus & her bf (I actually like him despite being slightly jealous, he's hilarious) but also with all the friends that Remus wanted to bring (Isa, Ewen, Nola, Mig) and I was really happy to meet them because they were really nice and funny as hell. I hope they're gonna see me as a friend fozjxl

Quick reminder of everyone lmao

Remus - 15, cis girl, pansexual, polyamorous, and (my main) squish. Dating O, and is my best friend. We met when I started going to my new school; according to her, she saw something in my eyes and felt like she needed to talk to me. I'm glad she did. She's the first (lasting) irl friend I've had since 5th grade (we're in 9th grade for info).

O - 14, cis boy, bisexual, is a good friend of mine. We met by default; Remus was hanging out with me a lot and since she also did that with him, we started talking. I encouraged them to start dating because it was obvious they liked each other. Sometimes we go to his flat and I always steal coffee because I can and it's okay with him. The only punk I know who doesn't only wear black.

Raph - 14?, cis boy, ????? actually no one knows his sexuality ngl, we're friends. Same thing than with O, but we don't talk that much now because he lives kinda far away (he goes to our school because it's the closest, despite being an hour away gozjfl) and we can't meet. Outside of it, we're pretty much cool with each other. He wasn't with us today but I wanted to include him anyway. He has a nipple pocket.

Isa - 15, cis girl, ????? (I think she's pan?), I met her today. She met Remus at the psych ward and she's really, really pretty. She's really cool and she told me she loved my hair so it made me really happy eheh. A true punk; she dyes her hair as much as I do.

Ewen - 16, trans boy (!!!! trans friend!!!!), I believe he's pan but I might be wrong. I met him today but we already texted a few times because Remus wanted us to talk. Apparently, both of them thought he and I wouldn't get along, but turns out we joke a lot and flirt even more. Literally everyone that was with us today wants, I quote, 《 [us] to fuck already oh my god just get a room please 》. Possible squish, he's really cute but also very very tall. Like, I barely get to his shoulders fosbflsfkl. Even standing up on my toes, I'm still shorter. He's definitly emo and he can fight me about it.

Nola - 16, cis girl, ???? bi or pan I think?, we met today too. We actually took a few hours to talk more than "Wow amazing hair folk" but we ended up opening up and bounding on our emotionnally, psychologically and sometimes physically abusive mothers. She's really funny and hella punk too. Turns out both of our moms are also pretty much neglecting us, medically and emotionnally. She's also a big mood. She's dating Mig.

Mig - 15, cis boy, ??????, met him today. We haven't talked that much to be honest, but he's funny and also laughs at my jokes a lot when he hears me. Looks like a 《 racaille 》 but isn't actually one. We mostly bounded on having a family member in jail for drug dealing (my uncle and his brother). Dating Nola.

They're the people I know the most, I actually don't know a lot about Cha' and the others but yeah. I'm kind of surprised; when I say I didn't have any friend since 5th grade, I'm serious. From kindergarten to 5th grade, I only had one friend (M), and after that it was just me and me. It's weird to know so many people now, especially when they actually show interest in me and reach out when they're not feeling okay while also listening to me. It makes me really happy.

Today, I'm happy.

[nexstrik]

hey thank god im back on a website that allows long rambling thoughts so now you ALL get to be inflected with my thoughts about Ahri and Eve, namely that they!!! are!!! married!!! and you can’t change my mind! 

[unrolls a huge scroll] here’s the entire timeline of their marriage!!! they met when Ahri was 14 and Eve was 13! There’s always a few weeks out of every year where they’re like technically the same age. (I don’t care what canon says.) 

When Ahri’s birthday rolls around without fail she’s like “Wow I remember when I was your age I remember it like it was last week” and she does it every fucking year. She’s 29 years old now and she takes her wife’s face in her hands and goes “my darling dove, I remember being your age, I remember it like it was yesterday, ah to have the frivolity of youth again” and Eve pouts but she thinks it’s very cute. They got married when Ahri was 19 and Evelynn was 18.

Eve had substance abuse problems for a very long time but she quit not just for Ahri but for herself, and has absolutely zero shame about it, and often talks about it with a sort of guillotine humor like. “It turns out you can’t have heroin chic without heroin. Who knew?”

( Eve, completely unprompted: “God I miss drugs. The closest thing to high I got was last week when I surprised Akali and she flipped me so hard I flew across the room." )

Ahri took a break from producing music for five years between the ages of 24 and 29, and took that time to reinvent her image. There was a lot of pushback against someone over the age of 30 being famous but Ahri’s gonna Beyonce this shit. Meanwhile Evelynn kept writing music for other bands, mostly uncredited, because she was a part of so many failed bands that she started to believe she was cursed. As long as she didn’t show her face or expose her name she could keep making music without ruining things for everyone else unlucky enough to be associated with her. They both made hella bank but missed performing and going on tour. So, they nabbed Kai’sa, one of Eve’s ex-girlfriends (they have a selectively open marriage) and Ahri found Akali and then bam, KDA. 

Eve and Kai’sa are cisgender and [wiggles hand uncertainly???] bisexual? and Ahri is trans and a lesbian. Akali is a cisgender lesbian. BIG QUEER BAND SUPER OPEN AND OUT ABOUT IT AND UNSTOPPABLE.

The lashers / fox ears and tails were CGI, they’re referencing many years of inside jokes that Eve was a demon and Ahri was a gumiho, which in turn were shoutouts to their former idol names / stage names “Siren” and “Foxy”. 

“But Kristen, gay marriage isn’t legal in S. Korea still / ahri can’t legally transition if she were married?” 1) it could be an unofficial union 2) I could choose to ignore this in favor of the fantasy because it’s bullshit  3) they got married in another country while waving big middle fingers at the camera

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #207

“it’s late, and you’re still staring at the light; to call it an addiction’s impolite.”

Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? Happy being a girl. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? When it's to people who are aware of how behind I am in the adult world in any context, yes. Very. If they know nothing about me, then I don't care. Are you confident enough to reveal your height and weight? Height, I don't care. Weight, fuck no. What do your parents call you? Both usually say "Britt," but Dad's more likely to use terms of endearment like "sweetie" and such. Well, Mom does use "hunny" a lot too. How old were you when you first got to go on the computer? Idr. About the "normal" age for little kids that played Neopets, probably. Would you say you’re an emotional person? Way too emotional. What’s a color that suits you the best? Black. And a color you just can’t pull off/don’t want to? Probably most... I wouldn't know, almost every single thing I wear is black. I have literally one light purple shirt, and I think that's the only non-black shirt I own. Describe yourself when you were 6 years old? Very talkative, extremely imaginative, outgoing, I was definitely weird, tomboyish, very happy... Man, I miss being that kid sometimes. A type of personality you just can't stand? The older and older I get, the more I cannot STAND a closed mind. I like people who accept they're far from always right, and sometimes, your "right" isn't such for someone else, and that is fine. You don't have to see the same way to still get along perfectly (though of course, there's no need to respect an opinion that spits upon, invalidates, or is just plain hateful towards another person/group). Like just as an example 'cuz I feel like I explained that poorly; I'm really not into the idea of polygamy at all, but I'm not against it for people it works with. You do you. Your appearance in one word would be? "Abilify." :^) City type of person or country? I like the live in a more country-ish area, but I found through Chicago I LOVE /visiting/ cities. What’s something you’re obsessed about right now? When am I not obsessed with Mark, meerkats, Silent Hill, opossums (a newer addition), WoW, etc. etc.? My whole life runs on obsessing over something, fren. Your reaction if someone told you you look 10 years older than your age? ZOINKS that would suck ass. Do you really badly want anything right now? For the past couple weeks, I've become more and more antsy to get up to Sara's again. When I land a job, fancyin' up my tattoo just because as I've said again and again it is SO important to me and must be perfect, then I'm saving up to go back up there. What’s something that makes you really stressed out? With all this job searching and such going on, it's like all I can think about, so why not mention what fucked me up at my previous ones: Putting me in a position of responsibility and expected knowledge. Ex., when I was a sales associate and was asked "Oh, do you have this?"/"Where is this?", it was CONSTANT PANIC MODE because I never knew and had to ask somebody, when I was expected to be a knowledgeable employee to the customer, and then comes the horror of feeling like I'm inconveniencing and annoying them. Have any particular standard look you look for in a significant other? I don't have a "standard look," no, but I am more likely to be drawn to a gothic appearance. But I don't actively search for someone that meets that criteria or anything. Do you listen to Wiz Khalifa? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Please legalize medicinal use already. Recreationally, idk. Do you date outside your own race? I'd have no reservations against it. I dated a Hispanic... less than a day, but still, you get the point that I don't have a problem with it. What are some of your turn-offs? SEXIST/MISOGYNISTIC, too old-fashioned, racist and/or homophobic, raunchy, arrogant/self-centered, lack of sincere interest and enthusiasm in conversation, poor hygiene, I'm gonna get SHIT ON for saying "too slutty," not taking dating seriously... that kinda stuff. I'm so picky. Are you gay, straight, bi, or trans? Bisexual. Are you vegetarian? If not, would you ever consider becoming one? I'm not now, but I hope to return to it after I get to my goal weight... In my few months of vegetarianism, it was proven that my immense pickiness with food was making the diet unhealthy for me, as I was strongly lacking in certain vitamins and such. I'm going to have to somehow overcome that if I want to return to it, which I REALLY do want to do the more and more I get into animal welfare and care. Are you in love? Yes. Are you more of a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimist, I think, out of the two. But I like to see myself as a realist. How much money is in your wallet? Literally just $11 lmao. What’s your favorite sex position? Only experienced in these with a man, so answering with that in mind. I like sitting on his lap, facing him, with my legs around his back. What do you ultimately wish for in life? Happiness and peace. Have you ever been pregnant? No. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? Tip your goddamn waiter/waitress, assholes. I do believe in tipping based on the quality of service, BUT at least give them SOMETHING for working. Do you have your driver’s license? No jkajdsklfaj;wer. I haaaave to practice more. Whenever I'm in the car, I always strongly prefer to listen to my music, controlling it from the passenger's seat, and at least right now, I can't drive with loud music, barely any at all really, so I have a hard time giving up blaring my music while Mom drives lmao. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No. What’s your favorite carnival food? Idk, I don't go nearly enough. Who did you last kiss? Romantically, Sara. Platonically, either my niece or nephew when leaving. Have you seen the final Harry Potter movie? I haven't even see one. Ever been called a slut? No. Would you ever have sex with someone not of your preferred sex? I'm bisexual so like- Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? No. Do you take any meds on a daily basis? Yep. What did you do today? Watched LPs as always; did some job searching; played WoW, way shorter than usual though; took a nap; made a new icon; took a shower; listened to music; did some social media scrolling. The usual stuff. What do you wear to bed at home? A tank top and pj pants. What do you wear to bed when you're somewhere else? The same, but with a bra. Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? No. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? I'll just talk about the unordinary ones, 'cuz I have a lot. The ones I'd consider "weird" are vomiting, whale sharks, and pregnancy. Vomiting is because it's just incredibly unpleasant, but also because I know what goes down is not supposed to come back up. Like no one likes puking, no shit, but I'm legit afraid of it and lock up on what to do when I feel it coming, like I don't know what to do. Whale sharks... ahaha. It literally came from World of Warcraft. The design of their mouths is fucking horrifying, and I hate hate hate how they sometimes phase in-and-out of the Vashj'ir map so just like pOP UP. NAH, SON. It's just their damn mouths, even though I know their esophagus is far too small to swallow a human. As for pregnancy, just... ew. I'm afraid of parasites, and it's a parasitic relationship. Something should NOT be growing inside of you. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? I'm very compassionate, especially when it comes to others enduring emotional struggles. I really feel for hurting people. What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? I have strong morals and stick to them. I'll always stand up for what I feel is right. What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? Ah jeez, there's a lot... but probably my anxiety. It's held me back and manipulated my actions since middle school. I struggle not followings its rules, but I'm sure trying. Who do you most admire? Mark, my mom, Sara, Sara's dad, Steve Irwin... man, there's too many great people. Who do you most love? Sara, my mom, and my pets, Teddy especially. What three things do you look for most in a partner? EXPRESSING OF THEIR EMOTIONS/TRULY FEELING!!!!!!!!, compassion, and a cool head. If you could ask God (to atheists - IF there was one) one question, what? Hm. Good question... There's a lot, but mostly little wonders; I feel like I have a decent understanding of the god I personally see, so don't have any magnificent questions. Perhaps regarding why they created our world. That'd be interesting. Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10: 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper: 7. Charm: *big shrug* Cheerfulness: 3-4. Confidence: 0-3. Courtesy: 8-10. Curiosity: 6-10. Forgiveness: 9-10. Generosity: 8-10. Greed: 0-3. Helpfulness: Well, I like to try to help, but I don't feel I'm very successful at that, so idk. Honesty: 5-9, depending on who I'm talking to and what the subject is, I guess. Loyalty: This is very flexible, and I don't feel like I can put a number on it. It depends on how deserving you are of the trait, and yes, you can lose my loyalty in a heartbeat if you give me reason to take it away. Optimism: 0-4. Patience: This can go from a whopping 0 to a 10, lmao. Very dependent on the situation. Self-sacrifice: 8-9. Wit: -10. Briefly describe your family. Kinda broken. Tight bonds scattered between certain people, no bonds with others. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? The breakup. I wouldn't wish that night upon Satan himself. How did it affect you? We know. Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares? Speaking of that... Jason is in most nightmares I remember. The common theme is it's either after the breakup and we have an awkward running in with each other, or it's long before when everything was "perfect." All things considered, I'd call even that a nightmare. Those fuck with me the most. Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Do you have any close friends? I can count those on maybe two fingers. Of what are you most proud? Letting Jason go. Of what are you most ashamed? I've talked about the Joel situation multiple times. What is your religion? Theist. Where do you stand on abortion? Mostly pro-choice. Where do you stand on the death penalty? Sometimes justifiable and one's deserving end. Felons are lucky enough it's done humanely. Where do you stand on wearing fur? If you're not surviving out in the arctic, fuck you and all you stand for. Could you kill somebody? I'm perfectly aware I could in defense situations. For what reason would you kill somebody? Defending myself or loved ones. Hell, probably even strangers. I'd kill a rapist with zero fucking hesitation, even if they were assaulting someone I'd never seen before. Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now? No. Do you trust easily, or not? NOPE. What, if anything, would you sacrifice your life for? Defending peace, gay rights, or if it was to protect most of those I love. What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? Be a successful photographer, reach financial stability, come to a point where I'm actually proud of what I've done, play a roll in wildlife conservation, be happily married, and just overall be content and satisfied with my life. How do you plan to reach them? Working my goddamn ass off and not taking "no" for an answer (not about the marriage part tho lmao). Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? No. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? I just want a pet family with Sara. What do you see yourself doing next year? Man, I don't have a clue... What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? I don't want to think of that. That's too far ahead. I'll be 43... I've gotta work on too many things now. Would you ever have an affair? I'm very curious as to who would actually answer "yes" to this. Would you ever have a one night stand? No. Lmaoooo actually this is sad as fuck, but I think I've said in a previous survey just knowing myself, if we were both single and clicked, I'd be doomed if it was Markiplier. My morals would sadly go out the window. If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do? That's literally been the story of my life for years now, especially the past two. And it's torture. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? No. Well, actually, I do want to do wildlife photography, and it can be pretty dangerous. Were you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. Do you have any famous relatives? No. Ancestors, yeah, but not close relatives. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No. What type of criminal would you be? With how forgetful I am, I'm certain I'd be a very clumsy one that gets caught very quickly, lol. What are you listening to right now? "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you had to choose a stripper name, what would it be? Um idk. If your phone started ringing, who would you hope is calling? Someone for a job interview. Do you drink? Rarely and/or for some special occasions. Never enough to get drunk. Do you smoke? No. What is the first thing you notice in someone? I guess posture? How they carry themselves? Do you get attached easily? BOY! DO I!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like your eye color? I wish they were more blue. Would you go bungee jumping/sky diving if given the chance? Definitely not bungee jumping, I know how I react to that kind of up/down movement, and probably not skydiving, either. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Both regularly since middle school. Are looks important in a relationship? Not very. What is your favorite thing to do? Binge a new song I fell in love with for like days lmao. What was the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? PhotoScape. It's easier to move watermarks for photos on there, and I was working on the ones I took a few days back. Do you like to gossip? No, I feel super guilty. What kind of computer do you have? An Acer. Do you know all the words to your national anthem? I think? Have you ever failed a grade? No. Have you ever made the opposite sex cry? Yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nah. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you own a designer purse? Hell no. Waste of money for a goddamn purse that's just gonna get dirty and scratched. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Jason and I magically had a baby over summer vacation when I was very obviously never pregnant. Do you say the "h" in the word “herb”? No, though I did for a super long time 'cuz I had no idea it was wrong. Do you speak any languages besides English? Not fluently. Can you run in high heels? I wouldn't really know, but boy do I doubt it. Do you have to take stairs or an elevator to get to your house? No. What do you usually order at Subway? Ummm I think white bread, ham, American cheese, bacon, jalapenos, banana peppers, and Chipotle sauce. I think that's it. Did an alarm wake you up this morning? No. How long is your mother’s hair? Past her shoulderblades, near the middle of her back. Is there any particular place you’d like to vacation to next? Surprisingly, I'd love to go somewhere tropical, like Hawaii or some shit like that. Somewhere with clear water and unique, beautiful wildlife and nature. What is your beer of choice, if any? Never tried beer, never want to. The smell is bad enough. That and I associate it with when Dad was an alcoholic. Did you share a bed with anyone last night? No. Well, other than with my cat. Do you know anyone who volunteers regularly? Yes. Have you ever ruined a nice pair of shoes, and how? Maybe, playing in puddles or biking through them and mud as a kid or something. Who were the last friends you went to hang out with? Sara. How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? None. Have you texted a relative in the past week? Not besides immediate family. Are you doing anything important today? No. If I were to bring you any type of food right now, what would you pick? If I was actually hungry, I have been craving hotdogs on the grill like CRAZY lately. No clue why. When did you move into the house you’re currently living in? April-ish 2017. Do you ever sleep with the light on? No, I can't. Do you pray to Jesus? 20+ years of that did nothing. No. What was the last thing you ordered at Starbucks? N/A Do you have a bonfire pit in your yard? No. Would you consider being homeless if it meant you could travel the world? I don't know; there's lots of factors to consider. Would I be willing to leave my pets (but Teddy, probably; I'd want him with me) with my mom? Would I have something like a camper? Where am I getting this money to travel and provide for myself? Do you know your next-door neighbor? Mom knows one, but I personally don't. What’s something you have never done? Lots of things? As an example, uhhh... I've never done a cartwheel, despite childhood efforts? Name someone you know who is a true risk-taker, adventurer, and free spirit. Do you admire that person? Idk. Do you wish you were more of a free spirit? I think I already am, but it'd be cool to be more of one. Are you allergic to any medications? No. How do you feel when someone says something you’ve experienced doesn’t exist? Tell me depression isn't real, my PTSD isn't genuine, I can "get over" my anxiety if I want to hard enough, stuff like that, and I will not fucking associate with you. These are things that have massively affected my life; I dare someone to tell me these experiences aren't real issues. What worldview do you have? A realistic one, I think. I'm positive in some areas, negative in others. Hm... I'm probably more pessimistic about the world's future, though. Do you have friends who have different religious beliefs than you? Duh? If applicable, who was the first person you “came out” to? Sara. What’s one thing you’d like to do more? Travel. What was your style in high school? Some emo/metalhead hybrid that wished with all her heart to be capable of affording a goth wardrobe and bitch I still do. What’s one thing you are jealous that other people got to do but you didn’t? Have a healthy teenage experience. Have you ever taken birth control pills continuously? I have for years for my cycle. I had just about debilitating cramps and sometimes periods that lasted over a week. Who is your personality twin? Sara is probably the closest. What’s a common name that you hate? Edward, above all. Not a big fan of William, Robert, or Allen, either. Who do you wish you were best friends with? If you don't count my girlfriend as "best friend," maybeeee... Alon still? Or Baylee. I need to talk more to her, she's awesome. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? I don't believe so. …in fairies? I believed in the Tooth Fairy. …in Santa? Yes. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. What is your newest hobby? Hm, I don't think I've found a new one for a long while... What gives your life meaning? I don't know. What motivates you to do what you do? The pursuit of happiness. What was the weather like the last time you went out? Too fucking hot. Do you go for walks often? No, though I really want to around a lake at a local, small park. Problems consist of no way to get there myself, it's WAY too fucking hot with my sweating issue, and my knees just wouldn't have it; I know I couldn't walk the full lap around it. Also expect some art installations around the path and probably the gazebo are PokeStops for Pokemon Go and really wish I could play it, so that's bait to do it lmao. What color shirt are you wearing? Pink. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? It really depends on who I'm watching. Favorite on the face of the planet are Mark's ego projects, then my second fave are probably Shane's conspiracy videos, then I love let's plays. Do you need any new clothes right now? I seriously need more pants. And new bras. Do you collect anything? If so, what? Silent Hill merch and meerkat stuff. ^and if not, what would you like to collect? When I can buy shit myself, ya girl is gonna have way too much Markiplier merch. YouTuber stuff in general, actually. Too shy to ask for that kinda stuff now lol. Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think so. What was the last thing you ate? A burger. Do you ever eat food that’s intended for kids? ...? Like, baby food? No. Or maybe you mean shit like Lunchables? In cases like that, sometimes? What was the last stupid thing you did? Oh boy, who knows. Do you get embarrassed easily? You. Have. No. Idea. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, then uhhhh... I like Chloe and Adrian. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? Hell no. I'd never wanna see it, I'd never want my hypothetical child to have to witness that, etc. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. Wet clothes are no. Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Straight, I guess? Though my hair does swoop to the right, so it's kinda a wave? What was the last craft project you completed? Oh, yeesh. I don't do crafts. The closest thing was I guess Sara's Valentine's Day gift for last year? Name 3 YouTubers you would like to meet in person: Markiplier is literally the only one that matters lmao and it's not "would like to meet in person," he will be forced to endure meeting me ok. Meeting Shane Dawson would be amazing, he's such a relatable sweetie, aaaaand #3 would probably be Rhett and/or Link, as similar to Mark, they deserve a tear-filled thanks as well as back-breaking hugs for seriously helping in keeping me alive through my suicidal year. I mean it when I say they genuinely helped me keep going. What color are your nails painted currently? They’re never painted. Do you use a pill box? No. List 3 people you know who were loving and then turned cold: Jason, Jason, and Jason. Have you ever felt threatened for your life? No. Which did you like better: high school or college? My college experience was horrid. High school had great memories, but of course negative ones, too. Which year of your life stands out to you as the most significant so far? 2017. …and why? It was my year of recovery from the breakup. What was the last store you shopped at? I went to Wal-Mart with Mom. I think that was the most recent, anyway. Do you have a favorite pharmacist? No. Do you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store? No. What’s something you discovered recently? I'm a Billie Eilish fan. What makes you more creative? Music. What’s the last magical thing you experienced? YO okay so when my brother and nephew were here, we went to the science museum and into a 360 VR-esque show about astronauts. I got SO nauseous and dizzy, but it was nevertheless extremely cool. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Just tonight! I ordered at a drive-thru myself. Would you rather ride a camel or an elephant? An elephant! Do you want to lose weight? You have no fucking idea. Which insects scare you, if any? Lmao most. Especially rhinoceros beetles, big beetles in general honestly, cockroaches, earwigs, centipedes... like a lot okay. I like observing praying mantises, but I would probably have a fucking heart attack if one was on me. Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of a tiny insect? Well, yeah, though I get the likely survival reason, that being we know many are venomous, so we're naturally averse to them, especially if we don't recognize the type. Were you raised religious? Yes. Have you ever been abused? No, thankfully. Is there a coffee shop you like better than Starbucks? N/A If you could afford to get your hair professionally done, what would you get? Man, I have SO many color combination ideas. If I could get it done in the safest manageable way by a pro, I saw this look once with totally bleached/pure white hair that fades to blood-red tips, and BOY would I get that in a heartbeat. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? I hope so. I think so. The only thing I imagine myself being weak with are tattoos. Do you know any rich people who are very irresponsible? I don't think so... List five careers that you’d like to have: Meerkat biologist, paleontologist, artist, poet, something in wildlife conservation/protection. List five far-out things that you’d like to do before you die: Scuba-dive, I'd LIKE to ride a rollercoaster (far-out for me, trust me), but I know I never will, and uh... idk. Riding a motorcycle would be cool, but that's another thing I hiiighly doubt I'll do. What was your first imaginary friend’s name? I never had one. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Chance, a cat my mom rescued. She was our very first family pet. She was absolutely incredible. Do you like to go barefoot? Unless I'm in a house, no. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? Yeah. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah. Is there someone who stopped talking to you for no reason? Oh, who to begin with? Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank or bitch? "Bitch" more than once. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. Have you ever slow danced with anyone? With Jason, yeah. And I don't think so, but maybe Sara briefly? Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. What would you do if you were pregnant? I don't have a fucking clue. Do you like cuddling? With someone I love. Have you ever cried in school? Yes, but I think I kept it private. Who’s the last person to send you a message on Facebook? A woman whose wedding I'm shooting this Saturday. Have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act? Just making out. Where did you get drunk last? N/A What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a dirty one? No. How did you do on the last test you took? I haven't been in school for a long time. How come you’re not going out with the person you love? I am.

[the-noodle-king]

more Visor: 33)Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Reaper. 36)Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Tracer. 45)Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Reinhardt. 46)Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Roadhog. ((i'm so sorry)) AND cuz i'm self-indulging and would love to see two happy guys interactin 50)Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Lucio. BONUS: Do they have a CanonOW character crush?

33) Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Reaper. 

Reaper: What are you looking at?

Visor: (A little more high pitched than usual) Nothing at all!

Lore Note: Visor is literally the only character who doesn’t know that Reaper is Gabriel Reyes or that Soldier:76 is Jack Morrison. He’s the only one. The day they were both declared dead to the world he cried himself to sleep. He still gets teary when he looks at the poster of them he has over his bed. No one has the heart to tell him they’re both alive but one’s a literal demon and the other became a grouch, so they all just pretend. That scene in frozen where kristof says “I’m gonna tell him” and anna says “No you are not” is Sombra and Tracer every time he talks about them.

36) Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Tracer. 

Tracer: You alright mate? You look a little ill...

Visor: I, I, I- You! Tracer! Hrrn, fan, I’m- *gasp* Fan! I’m your- *wheeze* I’m your biggest- *Gasp* I’mSoSorryINeedToLeave NOW.

Or

Visor: I’m so sorry to bother you but... could you... sign something for me?

Tracer: Oh! I’d be happy to! *Humming* Do-do-do, there we are! Now let’s get to work!

Or

Tracer: Hey, Bayani, how’re you holding up? I know it can be scary, all this.

Visor: I’m not scared! ... Well, maybe a little nervous. But I’m good, I’ll be good. Thanks.

OR, map specific to King’s Row (not an interaction per se, but Tracer adjacent) 

Visor: Oh, my, gosh! I’m in Tracer’s home town, I can’t believe this is happening! I think I’m gonna pass out!

45) Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Reinhardt. 

Visor: Oh wow, Reinhardt Willhelm! It’s an honour to meet you sir. (whispering) You look even cooler than in you posters...

Reinhardt: Ahaha! The honour is mine, it is nice to meet a fellow warrior fighting for justice!

Or (this is the same as the tracer one, just either can answer it)

Visor: I’m so sorry to bother you but... could you... sign something for me?

Reinhardt: Of course! ... Er, perhaps we should wait until after the mission though?

Lore Note: Rein’s huge power armour hands do not look like they can hold pens very well. That’s the tea.

46) Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Roadhog. 

Roadhog: *Heavy Breathing*

Visor: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???

Ahem. Sorry that just slipped out let me.... come up with a real interaction.... (seriously the first time you gave me hanzo and visor now this??? WHAT am I supposed to do)

Nope, i can’t do it. the canon is that, even non-canonically Visor and Roadie do NOT interact. Not verbally. Visor waves, Roadhog gives a long, silent, mask-covered stare, and then Visor sweats profusely while looking terrified and leaves. There’s your interaction.

50) Give us an in-game interaction between your character and Lucio. 

Visor: Woah, international superstar DJ Lúcio Correia dos Santos is here!?

Lucio: Keep it down man, I’m tryn’a keep a low profile!

Lore Note: I know, I know, the game isn’t canon, Lucio isn’t actually joining a bunch of vigilantes, mercenaries and his personal arch nemesis to shoot his and their clones in random yet critical locations around the globe. BUT, I still find it hilarious to completely ignore that and pretend that Frog-DJ Beyonce-with-a-gun is actually Doing That.

Bonus) Do they have a Canon OW character crush?

I’ve got a post floating around here somewhere, where in the tags I make mention of Visor having an aforementioned poster of young Jack and Gabe, and also the naughty dreams it has sparked therein, and for my boy’s dignity I shall not get into it. But first of all, Jack and Gabe, specifically as, Jack and Gabe.

Further, McCree and Lucio, in very different ways; he finds them both attractive in very different ways, but also like, he crushes on Lucio the same way one crushes on a Hemsworth, he’s pretty and famous, but that’s all there is too it. With McCree, he loves listening to him talk about his Blackwatch days, and when he found out he’s Trans too they really bonded over that, in a “wow one of my heroes is just like me” kinda way, so that’s more of a like, friend-crush, or mentor-crush even. it’s like crushing on your pretty teacher. In both cases he doesn’t think of them in “I want a relationship” terms or even “I’d tap that” terms, it’s all just infrequent daydreams and aesthetic appreciation.

Genji’s a snac and we all know it. Bisexual disaster Young Genji would have hit on Visor and he would have been putty in his hands we all know it. First time Genji took his mask o Visor got palpitations AND WE ALL KNOW IT.Now as for platonic girl-crushes, he’s a Sym boy, all the way. Queen stepped out of a teleporter one day and he was like “!? Damn now I KNOW I’m gay, and also that God is clearly real” He cried when he first saw her, and was compelled to give her all of the money in his wallet. She once stepped on his toes and he said he was sorry. One time he saved Sombra’s life and to repay the debt she set up a shopping trip where they could all hang out, and he and Sym are besties now. They have inside jokes and quote each other. Sombra hates it.

[callixton]

I got tagged!! Learn more about me!

Thanks to @dionysus-is-my-dude for tagging me!!!

Nickname: My name is Theo, so I get Theodore, Ted, Teddy (though uh.. to be honest those are partially because I ask people to). My friend Alex calls me Thee and my boyfriend (PJ) calls me T. And a few of my friends call me Moony because I Am Remus Lupin.

Gender: Trans boy. It took me some time to find the right label, but I’m definitely just a straight up ftm guy.

Star Sign: I’m a Pisces, but personally I don’t think it really fits me. PJ and one of my best friends are also both Pisces, and though he fits the stereotype occasionally, I find it to generally be bullshit.

Height: I am... 5 foot. I just want to grow taller than my mom? But I’m probably pretty much how tall I’m ever going to be.

Sexuality: I call myself bisexual, but I’m probably most accurately panromantic bisexual? Because gender has no bearing on my attraction to people in terms of whether or not I’d like to date them, but my sexual attraction is a gendered experience. I still can be sexually attracted to anyone of any gender, but the way I experience that attraction is affected by their gender. It’s kind of like this post, but Jake Edwards explains almost exactly how I feel in his YouTube video here.

Hogwarts House: Slytherin!! I definitely value ambition and cleverness. And hey, Merlin was in our house, how much better could you get? I don’t believe in the whole merged houses (Slytherclaw, Gryffinpuff), but I do always say my secondary house would be Hufflepuff, and I’ve got a lot of mad love for those badgers.

Favourite Animals: UhhHH I don’t know! Elephants, maybe? Dolphins were my favorite for a while. I really love dogs?? All of the above?

Favourite Colour: It changes a lot, but if I to give one I usually say blue. I’ve been really digging a leafy green recently though.

Current Favourite Song: Ooh man... probably Come Home, Cardinal Pell by Tim Minchin. I’ve been listening to a lot of him and Bo Burnham recently. It’s... about a really horrible subject, so I kind of feel like I shouldn’t be listening to it recreationally? But also it is such a Bop.

Favourite Ideas to Get Creative With: This is a strangely worded one, so I’m not entirely sure if the answer I give is the one the author is looking for, but... right now it’s probably those damn UK comedians (wow look a quick self plug, follow my side blog @theft-and-shrubbery) especially as far as editing goes. I’ve also been doing a lot with Harry Potter right now. I’ve started writing a lot more in general over the past couple of months again, which is great, I’ve been working with a lot of original characters.

What I Like to do most when I’m Alone: I really wish I was alone more often so I had a chance to rp (oof another one? so soon? check out @itsthatwerewolf) and start up a YouTube channel and generally film things? I watch a shit ton of stand up and panel shows, and a fair amount of gaming videos on YouTube. Also, it’s always nice to be able to blast music and lip sync without being judged. I love playing video games and writing too!

What do I think of my Friends: I’m really fucking blessed to have an amazing group of friends, both on and offline. They’re wonderful and funny and I love them very very very much. I could write an entire post about each one of them, so I’ll refrain from going on.

Average Hours Spent Sleeping: haha hah ah ha i’m so sorry i have no self control and as a result my sleep schedule is FUCKED. I usually fall asleep sometime after 4 or 5 am, and wake up around noon? So I guess about 7 hours, which isn’t horrible, but it’s been even worse the past couple of days.

Cats or Dogs: DOGS dogs dogs I love every single one to death. I really really love cats too though, I just can’t pet them because I have really bad allergies, so I’ve never been able to connect with them as well and I feel terrible about it. Our family owns both a cat and dog though.

Number of Blankets I Sleep With: I have between two and four depending on the season, but I always have the fan on full blast no matter what temperature it is. I can’t sleep without it.

Dream Job: Actor. I’m genuinely never happier than when I have the opportunity to act and I’m really scared that this is never going to work out for me because it’s what I want to do more than anything and. argh. I’d also really love to be an author or a graphic designer (what I’m probably going to go to college for) or a video game designer.

Dream Trip: I would say London but the truth is I’d like to live their full time, and the same goes for New York so... I’ve always wanted to visit Copanhagen or New Zealand? Though honestly, anywhere I go I’d want it to be with PJ, that would make anywhere wonderful.

When I made this Account: According to my archive, November of 2015 which is... damn a lot longer ago than I thought.

Why I Made This Account: I stalked about a hundred pages of a harry potter blog, and then decided that... yeah it was probably about time I made an account. 

Number of Followers: 274, though for how inactive I’ve been at times, I’m surprised I don’t have less.

And finally, to tag 20 followers!

@pj-is-okay @falling-into-vacancies @ratfuxk @brixagel @paraj4 @decembersun @majestic-platypodes @goingbacktothegoodolddays @mightbeamalfoy @frankenstein-girl @10percentalive @ryanthedemiboy @thefloralcryptid @luke-warm-soup @haphazardlydreaming @noctiilucent @nerdygirlnoodles @steampunkmaster @talonblack @everyone-is-weird-not-just-you

[polyamoroamer]

Community (The Circles We Move In)

Sometimes being polyamorous can be lonely, when you’re the only poly kid in the village (or feel like you are). It can be hard finding people who share similar values, meet love interests and find your community. I have a lot of empathy for people currently experiencing this, because I’ve been in similar situations with other things - being the only bisexual genderfluid person for miles can be a very frustrating thing. Dating anyone becomes a boring minefield and you sometimes feel like just giving up.

However, you will find your clan somewhere. They’re out there hoping to meet you.

Right now, I can’t believe how ridiculously lucky I am. I have partners, metamours, a constellation. I have supportive monogamous and polyamorous friends, lovers who stand with me when someone comes on all transphobic and metamours whose company is as enjoyable as my partners’. I have a community.

It’s a funny, weird, incestuous one full of drama, but that just means the people in it are living, learning and being true to themselves. And it’s great, because it’s such a huge variety of people. There’s the forty something year old celibate kinkster who writes transformational poetry and is finding themself in a new generation who actually recognises them; the eighteen year old who went whirlwind on acid for a year and now guides newcomers in their psychedelic endeavours; the photographer boy who doesn’t want to transition and carries a glittery packer; the young mum who makes magical circus and brings her child to festivals in their converted van; the ex-JW who paints with highlighters and the man who left his responsible picket fence behind to enter MMA fights and win rap battles.

The only thing we all have in common is love for each other and creativity. Even the ex-aerospace engineer is a DJ. Sometimes (almost every day) I look around me and just think ‘wow’. I never knew, even two years ago, that it was possible to have this many friends. To feel part of a community of artists and creative people who not only get polyamory and bisexuality, but are willing to learn about gender. Sure, there are some bioessentialist hippies, but on the whole, everyone’s starting to really get to grips with the idea of trans folks and genderfluidity.

I feel like I’m finally creating the space I’ve always wanted, the one where spirituality, hippy-dippy circus nonsense and festival performance intersect with social justice activism, LGBTQ+ awareness and acceptance, and polyamorous snuggle puddles. Where there’s a healthy mix of vanilla and kinky humans, where a conversation about gender equality can segue fluently into yoga, and where I am both supported and pushed to be better.

If I can find my community, so can you. There is no spectrum of interests too broad, no needs too specific, for you to find people you will want to come home to. If you feel alone, just keep on trucking, keep reaching out, keep believing and have patience. Allow yourself despair and loneliness and sad days. It’s ok to feel that way too. But have hope, too. You will find them.

[anti-yandere-dev]

hey so i 'redid' the yansim characters but not all of them i wrote 2 much so

[I put the submission under the cut since it was pretty lengthy]

hey whats up guys i had 2 put this in a submission as well as literally typed this in a note bc im on data & i dont wanna use a lot of it

basically my au takes place in a college instead. seems more fitting bc theyre actual adults & just feels Right.

theres more characters than there is in the original but thats mainly because i took the ‘genderbent versions’ & made them useful (i pretty much made them in2 siblings 4 some characters lol) anyways!! lets break down the characters

also lads, lassies, non-gender specific term for those bc i dont know the term, im givin yall a warning 4 self harm, suicide, nsfw implications/rape, possible drug abuse, and the rest of the Basic Criteria

Akihiko (Previously known as Senpai): He’s gay & trans. His name means 'bright prince’ which really has no significance, I just thought it was pretty……………and everyone views him as a prince bc he’s rly nice and kind and forgiving and actually has a personality other than being a cardboard box. Eventually gets into a commited relationship w/ 'Yandere-kun’ who I really need to give a name. Akihiko has a twin brother, I took that idea from the possibility of a younger sister, and admittingly(admittedly???) enough, Koumi’s 'genderbent’ Hanako. I’ll get into detail on his twin later, but they have a pretty good relationship. Akihiko (it was at this point i actually looked up a name 4 him & went back 2 edit stuff bc i h8 senpai lol) is still childhood friends w/ 'Osana’, who I renamed Ami(i4got her last name i had 4 her). However, neither of them have romantic feelings for one another, considering Akihiko is only attracted to males, and Ami is only attracted to females(theyre gay.). Akihiko actually meets Ayano when she is about to commit suicide, when he saves her. Ami is there with him, so they both save her. Aside from slight backstory related stuff, Akihiko is actually rather popular. People like him for an actual personality this time!! He’s very kind and puts others needs before his, which is rather dangerous. Ami has lectured him on this many times. Akihiko’s also known for having really good grades and being very helpful when it comes to tutoring others. He meets Ichirou (yandere-kun i literally just looked up anothr name his name means first son bc hes the first son btw lolol) eventually when Ayano invites him over. (sry this is everywhere btw i should have put this in2 a specific order) ngl i feel like this is enough on akihiko like if u wanna kno more abt him hmu on my main christopherpierre-official

Ami (Previously known as Osana): god shes so fucking gay like as soon as she met ayano she fuckign DIED bc she loves her so much???she thinks ayano is like. the prettiest fuckgin girl ever. holy fuckshit shes GAY AND WILL DEFEND AYANO WOTH HER LIFE!!!! Anyways. Ami comes from a dangerously abusive household, and as a result, took a lot of self defense classes when she ran away at age 13. (what year is tht in japan pls help) She still retains some of her 'tsundere’ personality, but she’s more thoughtful of others feelings. She met Ayano as she was about to throw herself into highly active traffic, but she and Akihiko were able to stop her before she could hurt herself. As soon as Ami and Akihiko were able to calm Ayano down, they called an ambulance/contacted the hospital, considering she had a lot of bruises and cuts. They would later find out Ayano’s father was extremely abusive, and the mother was unable to do anything because she was away on a trip for work. A lot of people know Ami for how assertive she can be, misinterpreting her mostly good intentions as aggressive. Ami is mostly known for her knowledge on medical related things, but she still has a slightly bad reputation because of how rude she comes off as. again thts enougb on ami if u wanna kno more just ask me!!

Ayano: still keeps the name bc I Like It?? its pretty fuck u. Ayano has none of her yandere personality. She’s fuckign AFRAID of everything bc of her SHIT ASS ABUSIVE DAD!! Her mom’s still kinda yandere tho, but she didnt kidnal the dad or anything. Their marriage is founded off of Pure And Honest Love…….until the mom kills the dad 4 being a homphobic shit bitch lol. Ayano actually has a lot of self harm scars. She barely gets to see her older brother, Ichirou, who is two years older than her, because he’s away or some shit idk he gets abused p badly too tho. Ayano is rly reserved & quiet & im debating on giving her bpd but its Iffy idk. she has ptsd & kinda sorta got raped by some Fucker in middle school (ichirou took care of the fucker (: hes dead.) so she has a lot of trauma going on here!! I kinda sorta projected some emotional trauma of mine onto Ayano;;; Obviously when Ami found out she was fuxking enraged. Ayano can’t afford to move out of her house just yet, and her brother can’t necessarily take her in, nor does he have her contact info. He kinda sorta left thr country for a bit?? Not sure what country I want this to take place in yet. However, Ichirou is fairly powerless against his father as well, so he took a lot of the beatings, (even tho this boy is fucking Strong as Hell like GOD FUCKIN DAMN!!! he can lift his own mom w/o an issue!! but he kinda left like right away as soon as he could & couldnt take ayano i mean she was still in high school & he Obviously has guilt over not taking her w/ him) but not as many as Ayano, seeing as to how she was the fathers least favourite. Her mother never married the father, and she didn’t want the children to inherit his last name either. …..anyways this is enough i thimk

Ichirou (Previously Yandere-kun): Gay. Loves Akihiko. Retains the yandere personality, but it’s not as bad??? He left the [insert surname household here fuck aishi its not even a Real japanese surname] household as soon as possible, and had immediate regrets. Loves his darling little sister with all of his heart, but it’s literally not incestuous. It’s just good sibling love………also he likes 2 embarass ayano a lot lol. As soon as he met Akihiko, who I never mentioned to have pastel pink hair, he fell in love like, right away? Even though I personally don’t believe in love at first sight (that’s a lie I fell in love w/ most of my anime bf’s @ first sight i can shut the Fuck Off) Ichirou was just??immediately enchanted by this beautiful prince…….he’s just that gay. He’s 2 whole singular years older than Ayano. actually not 2 whole years but w/e hes a scorpio tho. Ichirou has definitely been in relationships w/ other men b4 but they didn’t work out too well. Some rando called him 'daddy’ once and wanted to fucking Die he has shit experiences with his dad & hates the daddy kink so much. He also has ptsd. Doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions at all so he just bottles them up and lets them out all at once and it’s a mess. Also has self harm scars, and some scars from his father trying to Literally Kill Him. This boy……strong as fuck. Can lift his own mom. Has held Ami, Ayano, and Akihiko all at once. Somehow. He’s just a really good older brother? But he’s also really sneaky. While he is jealous of the time Ami & Ayano spend with Akihiko (the A squad lol i just realized their names all start w/ the letter a) he does respect that they’re really close friends, and nothing more. He’s also aware of the unsaid feelings between Ayano and Ami (vry perceptive) so he doesn’t care lol. However, he has little to no tolerance of anyone else being around him. He has a slight distaste for Akihiko’s twin, Kazuhiko (the name means harmonious prince i got a Theme goin on here) but he disregards the feelings. wow talk abt an Info Dump okay next 1

Kazuhiko (Previously the 'genderbent’ little sister/brother, made him into Akihiko’s twin brother): He’s actually a yandere too?? But not 4 Akihiko. He’s vry supportive of Akihiko tho. When he & his twin were in middle school, he gave his uniform to his brother bc he still got the sailor uniform, so he took it. There were some troubles but hey I don’t know how this shit is dealt w/ so please. Just accept this brother supporting his gay trans twin……pls….. He enjoys Ayano’s company. She reminds him of his gf/d8m8, the 'genderbent’ version of “”“"senpai”“”“ (theyre cousins but nobody knows yet so thats why) so he introduces them and they hit it off pretty well! Kazuhiko get Jealous™ and nearly exposes his yandere personality but his Lovely Beautiful Nonbinary Girlfriend reassures him tht they only love him. He loves Yuuka (their full name is yuuka minako) so much?? He would kill 4 them. Literally. He almost has. & b4 i accidentally make a cishet character bc i Refuse 2 4 some???odd reason idk, kazuhiko is a Bisexual Demiboy who fell in love w/ a nonbinary who is okay w/ feminine aligned things. Back on track, Kazuhiko is fairly popular w/ a lot of people for many reasons, and oh wow what a Fucking Cliche ppl r strongly sexually attracted to him!!coolio. he looks nothing like koumis fuckass potato lookin little brother btw. But a lot of people hate the fact that he’s in a Very Committed Relationship w/ Yuuka bc shes not that pretty damn!! But she is. She’s so fucking pretty. To him, at least. He basically fucking worships Yuuka. this is A Lot next character lol

Yuuka (Previously 'Senpai-chan’ or w/e lol): Nonbinary who’s fine w/ she/her pronouns, but also uses they/them. Very shy, Ayano & Ichirou’s cousin. Has a younger sister, and two older siblings who are twins. The younger sister is the old concept for the original little sister, and the older siblings are nemesis-chan & 'nemesis-kun’. While Yuuka and their siblings have lived a fairly abusive life, they haven’t sustained as much 'damage’ as Ayano’s family. Yuuka & Ayano are related by their mothers. They are sisters, only a year and an undetermined amount of months apart. This means after Ryoba, Ayano’s mother, or Sakurako, Yuuka’s mother, moved away, they lost contact with one another, never bothering to talk again. Yuuka and Ayano get along exceptionally well, and Hanako (u remember the little sister well her name stays the same bc its meaning is just flower child. also her design changes.) often refers to Ayano as an elder sister. Yuuka’s relationship with her little sister is somewhat strained due to the three year age gap, but they still get along regardless. Their relationship is strained because Yuuka promises to spend more time with their younger sister, but there’s not much time due to an overwhelming amount of schoolwork, as well as their job taking up a lot of time, too. Regardless, Yuuka doesn’t forget to call their darling little sister as often as she can, checking up on her and how well she’s doing in school. next 1!!!! also i4got 2 talk abt their relationship w/ kazuhiko here bc i was rly focused on mentioning family stuff…..oops (also 4got 2 mention mental health stuff??but like. yuuka has adhd, depression, anxiety, u can just ask me if u wanna know more tbh)

Hanako: i kept the name bc it just literally means flower child & honestly shes such a flowery child??anyways. Hanako retains little to none of her annoying rip-off-nico personality. Instead, she has set up a calm, shy exterior as a defense mechanism due to the many years of neglect she received from her father. (me @ myself y r all the dad characters fuxking Dicks in this like??okay damn.) On top of that, growing up, her mother was never around, due to the fact that she was in the hospital to a terminal illness. Instead, she had to rely on Yuuka for attention, since the twins, Tomoko (sister) and Kiyoshi (brother) left before she graduated her first year in middle school. Hanako also has difficulties with her schoolwork because she, much like her sister, has ADHD. Due to this, she struggles to keep up with the class, and has a hard time paying attention to almost anything that doesn’t interest her enough. However, she has many supports, helping her as much as possible in many ways, which does make her feel better about herself. After her mother had made a full recovery and left the hospital in her current year, she has felt much better about herself, and her grades have definitely improved. Although her father did leave her a while back when she found out he was having an affair on her mom, she still managed fairly well on her own. i mean cmon its not like she liked her dad tht much lol he was a Big Fucking Asswipe hanako isnt as fleshed out as i wished her 2 b but shes not That signigicant to the main story??idk. like shes still in highschool & shes only 17 & this takes place in college so??i dunno. i mean if u got suggestions or smth..sure

Tomoko (Previously Nemesis-chan, made her one of the older siblings bc idk y not lol: There’s not much to say about her. She’s 28, which is only 11 years apart from Hanako. She was entirely capable of filling in the missing mother role for her and Yuuka, but she herself didn’t know what to do. On top of that, she was more focused on getting the best grades out of the entire class, and was much better at academics than her brother. Tomoko has a very cold exterior. She is hard to connect with, and pays little to no attention to anyone elses feelings than her own. This mainly stems from the fact that her father, who she doesn’t even consider a blood related relative, was too busy messing around with other women. buddy i dont know what else 2 write 4 tomoko like she just has severe apathy issues & just doesnt know how 2 connect w/ others. next character

Kiyoshi (Previously Koumi’s shit ass 'genderbend’ Nemesis-chan): Unlike Tomoko, he was able to fill in the father-like role for Yuuka and Hanako. Due to having to take on the role of the father, it put a large strain on his academics and work outside of school. He, at one point, almost had to drop out to take care of his younger siblings, but decided against it. He eventually decided to teach Yuuka how to do her own laundry and how to cook when she was only 9. Due to this, Yuuka was able to take care of herself and Hanako while Kiyoshi could work and pay their bills. Kiyoshi was only 23 when he left the household so he could go to college and get a degree, leaving Yuuka at age 15, and Hanako at age 12. he could b more fleshed out but im??i dunno. im Panicking okay do u think i can work on a character tht doesnt rly show up in the story a lot.

anyways im just putting all of These Guys in 1 this 4 now bc this is A Lot as it is. ill do more later also give me criticism on these pls

--

I really like what you’ve done with the characters (especially now that they have personalities and stories behind them, instead of just nothing). Also, the names you gave them were cute.

-Mod Sega

[kyell]

X-Phobia: The word(s) and the myths

Preview: the views below are intended to help people try to have constructive discussions around prejudice, and to learn how to understand other people so we can all share our experience. It’s kinda long, talks about prejudice, and insists on established definitions of a few words that people often either use or interpret incorrectly.

Part of the problem with the way any kind of X-phobia or X-ist term gets thrown around the Internet is that people aren’t working off the same definitions. In a lot of cases, people shift definitions around to suit their causes, but I think the majority of cases are just people who have one definition in their heads, and nobody bothers to explain what these words actually mean.

(By which I mean that people have many times attempted to explain this, but if I’ve learned anything from the Internet, it’s that there is always someone who won’t see something until the tenth or hundredth time you say it.)

So here goes.

To be perfectly clear to start here, X-phobia stands in for transphobia, homophobia, etc., not arachnophobia, triskaidekaphobia, or any other clinical pathological fear. X-ist stands for racist or sexist, not dentist, anthropologist, or any other profession. We’re talking about conditions that make people uncomfortable with other demographic groups, or behaviors that cause harm to those groups.

First myth: “X-phobia means you hate/fear every X person.”

Here’s Wikipedia on transphobia: “Transphobia is a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward transgender or transsexual people, or toward transsexuality.”

And homophobia: “Homophobia encompasses a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward homosexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT).”

Note the important word in both definitions: “range.” Of course there are those frothing bigots who want all gays put in concentration camps; they’re homophobes. But then there’s also the guy who says, “I have no problem with gay people as long as I don’t have to see two dudes holding hands or kissing.” That’s a homophobic statement too. Or the person who says, “It’s perfectly fine for them to have those relationships, but I don’t think they should be allowed to adopt children.” In transphobia, you have: “As far as I’m concerned, whatever biology you were born with is your gender, period.” (Why do you get to define someone else’s identity for them?) Even a comment like “hey, if we can just identify as whatever we want, can I identify as rich?” is transphobic. It’s attempting to make a joke by trivializing the serious identity struggle that trans people go through, and it’s propagating a belief–that gender transition is a whimsical choice rather than something deeply felt for years, that there’s no professional counseling involved, that someone could just wake up one day and think “I want to be a different gender, or maybe neither, or both.” That’s as pernicious as the old saw about people choosing to be gay. That belief is what leads people to propose laws about what bathroom trans people can use, laws that actually harm people and make life more difficult for them.

All of these things encompass X-phobia. If someone says, “Hey, that comment you made is X-phobic,” it’s not constructive to say, “No; I don’t hate X people.” That’s not (necessarily) what you’re being accused of. You’re being told that your comment exposes some underlying misunderstanding of what this group’s experience is and/or reinforces prejudices. Here’s the thing: we don’t often know what our prejudices are until we examine them, and we often don’t examine them until someone calls us out on them. We inherit our understanding of the world from our parents and shape it with our friends, and if none of our friends include someone from X group, it’s easy to hold on to prejudices we don’t even realize we had.

So when someone points out a problem with a comment you made, they’re giving you an opportunity to learn. It’s constructive to say, “Whoa. I totally didn’t get that. Can you tell me what I did wrong?” Or “Wow, yeah, that was years ago and I was dumb then. I’m really sorry about that.” Are the people pointing out problems always right? Nah. But it’s also not constructive to run back to YOUR friends to ask “is this really X-phobic?” because they’re the ones who helped shape your worldview in the first place. If you really want to expand your world, listen to the people who are offering their advice.

Second myth: “I have X friends! I can’t be X-ist” (and the associated “therefore nothing I say is X-ist!”)

I thought we got rid of this back when it was “hey, some of my best friends are black.” Again: X-ist doesn’t mean you hate all X. When you befriend someone, you see them as a person; all the things that make up their identity are there, but they’re your friend first. And so your friend becomes the exception in your mind. Maybe you start saying “hey, my friend has surpassed this stereotype so why can’t all X people?” Maybe your default is still to believe that all X people are a certain way until you meet and get to know them. Or maybe you just haven’t talked to your friend about these beliefs, about their experience being a member of this group, so you feel like the simple fact that you enjoy the company of one person in this group means that you can say anything about them. Trust me: you can’t.

Third myth: “Hey, this one X person said that comment isn’t offensive, therefore it’s not X-ist.”

This one gets trotted out a lot. Republicans are very good at finding African-American conservatives to speak out against affirmative action, a program which has helped many minority candidates get an education or an opportunity denied to them by systemic racism in our private sector and educational system. The Washington, D.C. football franchise often highlights one of the fifteen percent of Native Americans who aren’t offended by their name (the percentage varies according to what poll and what year you’re looking at). But look: just because you can find one person who isn’t offended doesn’t mean that the twenty people who are offended are wrong. Is there some important truth behind your remark or behavior that supersedes the right of those people to feel like accepted members of society? It’s kind of like when a magazine writes, “Furry fandom is all about sex” (this was more common in the 90s than it is now), and they get that one furry to say, “yeah, pretty much everything I do in the fandom is sexual.” So…the rest of us should shut up about that comment because there’s at least one person who says it’s okay?

The counterargument is “What if there’s just one person who objects to everything? Should we listen to them?” I’m talking common sense here. What’s acceptable in society is constantly changing, and what’s acceptable in one community might not be acceptable in another; what’s acceptable in your community today might be different from what was acceptable five or ten years ago. If you want to keep hanging out in a community, listen to what its members are telling you. Doesn’t mean that every time a single person complains about something you say that you have to change it. But as I said above, when you get close to one of these sensitive areas, it’s always worth examining the things you say and do in public. You might come away thinking, “nah, those people are over-reacting.” But you might also say, “you know what, I still don’t see it, but I’m gonna take their word for it and try harder to understand.”

tl;dr:

Look, ultimately all I’m saying is that if someone tells you that you’re speaking/acting with prejudice, if they say you’ve said something X-phobic or X-ist, don’t snap back that you’re not a bad person. Take it as a chance to prove you’re not by examining the words you say and the beliefs that drive them. It’s hard to put aside beliefs you’ve had for years without questioning, but the longer you put it off, the harder it gets. And if you start, if you make that initial effort, you’ll find it easier and easier to go on, and you’ll be open to a new world built on a more solid foundation. I’ve had that experience and it didn’t kill me. It won’t kill you either, and it might make the world a better place.

(And also, if you’re trying to show someone that what they’re saying/doing IS X-phobic/X-ist, don’t wield those words like clubs. Be patient, be reasonable, and try to separate the statement from the person. “Your statement is transphobic” is a lot easier to start a conversation with than “you’re a transphobe.”)

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X-Phobia: The word(s) and the myths was originally published on Kyell's Corner

[6eachfuneral]

when ur genders r transed

[a-lion-in-summer]

Not to scoop myself, but I’ve been doing some exploratory analyses of LGBT people from a large national survey and want to put some of my general findings down as I attempt to outline the actual academic paper I intend to write.

1) This is not a LGBT-based survey, it’s a general population survey that happens to ask one question about sexual orientation and one about transgender identity. This is potentially very interesting compared to targeted surveys, in that those people it picked up are more likely to reflect the general population than those specific sections of it that are most socially/politically active in the LGBT community. For instance, all the transgender related research that recruits people from local LGBT community centers and support groups and bars and trans-specific info/discussion websites and forums. I, for instance, a person who isn’t very sociable and is prone to googling a specific question and leaving before people start to annoy me, am extremely unlikely to be recruited by such a study. The group you’re most likely to get tend to be very active social justice organizers/volunteers/activists, or people early in the transitioning process but who are actively seeking to do so. Certainly there are reasons study recruitment is done this way, there are a lot of logistic constraints and sample size worries, don’t get me wrong. They also tend to lean towards a young and white and highly educated group.

This survey, on the other hand, is on a totally different topic and initially asked participants for a binary gender, then only later popped questions on them about sexuality and transgender identification (in that order). This meant it identified quite a number of people who considered themselves transgender, in some form or fashion, but who had not socially transitioned. More people than those who had, honestly. Both these trans groups identified also skewed to older and less white than the survey population as a whole or most trans research.

2) Most trans people involved identified as straight. This was way more prevalent than I’ve seen, if lower than the straight proportion of the cis sample (75% vs. 95%). This was true across the board in the various trans subsamples I looked at (MTF, FTM, pre- or post-social transition, etc.).

As I’ve complained about before, there’s ambiguity when a trans person uses sexuality identity labels. What did each person meant when they said “straight”? Men? Women? Most of the non-straight people identified as bisexual, so I really have no idea about whether the very small number who said they were “gay/lesbian” meant gay as in only men or lesbian as in only women and can’t even start to speculate.

Jury-rigging some other information available elsewhere in the survey, I was able to at least get a general idea about what “straight” meant, though I certainly couldn’t tell for sure or about every individual. What I found was overwhelming that people based “straight” on their initial stated gender. That is, someone who initially said they were a man and married and straight and later admitted to being MTF was married to a woman, and someone who initially said they were a woman and married and straight and later admitted to being MTF was married to a man. Likewise for FTM and genderqueer participants. (And straight/gay identity labels are always awkward when someone’s genderqueer, because you don’t want to insist on a binary gender for someone who told you they’re non-binary, but those labels imply “I am A and like B,” not merely the latter. This is why I see other research about the popularity of “queer” as an identity label among trans-spectrum people in particular.)

This is a really puzzling result I’m still trying to figure out. The order of the questions may prime people differently and affect the answers--that is, if they had known they were involved in transgender-related research, more of the non-socially transitioned people might have been thinking of themselves in different terms and given different answers (ex. a FTM person who is currently living as a woman might have identified as a lesbian here to proclaim an attraction to women, but might secretly consider his ideal/true orientation that of a straight man). That shouldn’t affect the numbers among those who had socially transitioned, though.

The only thing I can think of is that trans people are vastly more likely to socially transition if they’re going gay->straight rather than straight->gay in perceived sexual orientation. In some ways it makes sense as a theory: someone active in the gay or lesbian community pre-transition is much more likely to be aware of the existence of trans people (especially before the recent increase in visibility) and to get information/resources from within the LGBT community to transition. A trans person who passes with a different-gender partner does get social privileged from appearing straight. A bi trans person might go from straight-appearing to gay-appearing or vice-versa, but again they would potentially be involved in the LGBT community pre-transition. A gynophilic amab person and an androphilic afab person in all likelihood have less awareness of transgenderism, may believe being trans is incompatible with their sexual orientation because of misunderstandings about it and sexuality, and stand to take a double hit to their social standing by coming out as both trans and queer. Especially for older people, one of the explicit requirements for getting medical aid to transition for many decades was “ability to be/pass for straight” after transition, so that’s got to affect the numbers.

Also, someone who identifies as queer as well as trans post-transition may be more active in the LGBT community and therefore disproportionately represented in LGBT-targeted surveys compared to the true national statistics for sexual orientation of trans people. Hence, the discrepancy between the number of post-transition people identified as straight here vs. in other research I’ve seen.

I’d really like to brainstorm more possible explanations for this, though, because it’s an odd but strongly present finding from the data.

3) Wow do I have sample size problems, despite the size of the overall dataset, given trans people make up only about 0.5% of the American population. Especially because of the weighing system used, which makes some individuals “count as” vastly more people than other individuals, because they were comparatively underrepresented in the sample compared to the national population.

I was looking at the racial composition at one point, one of the weighing variables, and my first thought was that the white/black ratio was about even in that category. Then I realized I was looking at 50 whites and 10 blacks in terms of individual people, it just got adjusted to 50%/50% because of the weighing scheme. This makes me really uncomfortable that the estimates are unstable because a handful of people within an already small subpopulation analysis are being extrapolated from disproportionately.

There are a couple hundred trans people overall, but the adjusted and unadjusted estimates are really, really different. (Though the result about straightness I talked about in the previous point is present in both versions.) I can’t drop the weighing--that would be inappropriate given the study design--but it makes me grit my teeth and worry about my subgroup analysis.

[kkglinka]

Huh, apparently the differences in queer coding used by lesbians and bisexuals are interesting to people, especially in regard to butch identities. As I've never been femme, I can't and won't speak from that perspective, though I welcome input and can make very general observations.

Now, both lesbian and bi/pan women engage in masculine performance – not to be confused with actual masculinity as seen in cis and trans men. The performance involves elaborate and often exaggerated emphasis on desirable masculine traits, sans the offensive and tiresome bits that come courtesy of toxic masculinity in american culture. This performance can be outright tacky in its extremes, a deliberate deterrent against being co-opted by the dominant, straight society. Thereby, qualities that would be offensive or aggravating in a man become attractive in a queer woman (so long as they're purely performative).

I realize that the first sentence of that paragraph may be difficult for many monosexuals to believe (intersectionality is a thing so don't even both trying to harangue me about that word), but there have always been loads of butch bi women. There are plenty of men who are quite attracted to those traits in women, but toxic masculinity can undermine their desires; cis men are not socially permitted to be attracted to masculine traits. Many wind up crippled with homophobia...which they then take out on that woman. Hurray.

So, butch bi women often wind up with partners of the same or similar sex. (Bearing in mind the ~40% bi/pan overlap with the trans/nb communities). Which brings us to the differences in queer coding between lesbians and bi's. Many bi women respond to often vicious hostility from the queer community by blending in with conventional forms of femininity. In part because their own identity is more feminine and because, purely in statistical terms, there are way more heterosexual men than potential queer partners. It's plain numbers.

But those of us bi women that do queer code are trying to appeal to a broader pool of applicants. Okay, that sounds like we're seeking out employees, but whatever. Butch lesbian coding is marvelous to observe, but it's very expressly masculine in ways meant to put off men while appealing to other queer women. Further, butch is strongly linked to working class style in the US, which is why you get the absence of make-up, short hair, work clothes of all plaids, boots or trainers, etc.

Because blue collar is less threatening to the highest social caste of cis white men. That's one reason you see studs and dandies far less often — along with overall changes in fashion — but the other big reason is how radfems systematically assaulted the butch/femme tradition. Default queerness became gender neutral, an androgynous sort of grunge. But visit queer social media and you'll see women going bonkers for fashionable butch; there is a dearth. Seriously, it's time for a come back; queer women love a tailored suit and fancy hat.

I digress. Coding is deliberate, it takes effort and it's a very useful tool to communicate queerness. We have norms that allow us to generalize and many butch stereotypes are quite factual. It's why we get so pissed when straight fashion robs us of our tools. Especially given how various shades of butch have nuances (that cis straight folks often miss, which lead to the more hostile and unflattering stereotypes). The more fashion conventions they co-opt, the fewer we have to effectively communicate, at a glance.

The butch woman in the slightly grimy jeans and flannel, short hair, no make-up, emulating a masculine swagger and directness of speech is deliberately and knowingly communicating: lesbian. (Unless she's a he, duh). But that butch women in slacks, low heel boots, slick leather jacket, longer hair, light make-up and fashionable fedora? Now you can't be so certain because most anyone will flirt with her. As she intends. You are far more likely to see that overt mixture in butch bi women...because of that ~40% I mentioned earlier.

Wow, that got rambly, but it's because I feel strongly about the fascinating range of coding the butch community (intersectionality again!) uses. But in summary, butch bi/pan women and butch lesbians generally tend to code differently due to a different (somewhat overlapping) range of targets, and I think that deviation is cool.