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icanseethefuture333 · 11 months ago

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PAC: “My body is my temple” what your body wishes to tell you ⏳⛲️🔱

“Fountain baby, wash her, make it wet”

“Diamonds hit the sweat”

“Tattoo on her chest, yeah, yeah, yeah”

“I like when my remedies connect”

“That pussy and a bed, like angels in Tibet”

Trigger warning: this reading heavily focuses on body image and may contain content that is triggering or sexually suggestive, viewer discretion is advised.

Pile I:

Shufflemancy -

Movement by Hozier

Dash by Nmixx

Lalala by Naughty Boy ft Sam Smith

Connect with fire, Aromatherapy, Use Your hands, Two of Wands, Nine of Cups, & Four of Swords

"Dear, pile 1,

I hope you are doing well. I wish for you to be free with your body, for you have been blessed with the gift of movement. You are fortunate to have limbs that can twist and turn. Wiggle your hips, try to touch your nose with your tongue, be silly and stop being such a stiff all the time. I know you were told to "sit down" and "be still" as a child but it is time to express yourself in a way you were not allowed to before. Your inner child needs you, I keep them safe, stored inside your belly and in the memories of your brain. I want to tell that you are enough and I love your creativity! I want to be there with you, every step of the way. I, your body, am tense, I wish to embrace the warmth. Visit a spa and receive an aromatherapy treatment or lay on the warm sand. Why do you keep lying in bed? Your life is passing you by. You were blessed with a physical vessel that is capable of movement. I put an emphasis on this because I know you have been feeling fatigued and a lack of motivation. I know about those thoughts you have when you look at me, your body. You have features that you are confident about but I know that when you look at me, you find me simple, in comparison to a figure that might be more dynamic than I. I don't feel offended when you think these thoughts but I do hope that one day you can value me, your body. I know about the smoking or the desire you have to do it, I have no problem with it, but don't let it desensitize you from your senses. Getting high provides an outlet but it should not be used as a substance to escape from your problems (channeled song: High Alone by Sevdaliza). A coping method I would like for you to try is writing your feelings on paper and burning it. You are talented with your hands as well, please look into creating art or careers that involves craftsmanship. Take a pottery / ceramics class if you are wanting a new hobby.

Pile II:

Shufflemancy -

Indigo by Niki

Low by SZA

Alter Ego by Doechii ft. JT

Connect with Your Womb, Hydrate, Flow Like Water, Ace of Wands, Ten of Swords, & Seven of Wands

"Hello pile 2,

I am so proud of how far you have come! You are such a strong individual, I know the emotions that you store deep down. The side of you that the world does not see. You shine bright like the moon but I, your body, get to see your dark side. I know that you have goals and aspirations, you want to prove everybody who told you could never do it that they're wrong. There was a lack of representation for your body type and I know that when you were a teenager, this made you feel very self conscious. The rolls, the stretch marks, and cellulite that developed on your canvas was bound to happen, for that is the transition into adulthood. I know that you get upset sometimes at the level of weight, height, and density that I carry, but instead of letting these insecurities stop you, you have truly made a path for yourself and for others with similar a body type. You are growing and learning that the way to happiness is acceptance. Although, you hide behind a persona that is masked with confidence, people commend you for your ability to communicate boundaries, and how you comfortably express yourself through your style, but underneath this veil of deception, you are someone who desires love. You know that you are a successful and powerful being with immense sexual energy but there is a lack of vulnerability. In order to release these burdens and be more in touch with your emotions, connect with your menstrual cycle. Listen to what I, your body, am telling you to do during this time. Drink plenty of fluids and uptake your vitamins by eating fruits or making smoothies/juices. I know that you are dominant by nature but allow others to guide you in life and to provide you the help you need. If you are seeking a goal, the universe will place them into your life to assist you. "Be like water, my friend" - Go with the flow and see where the waves will take you. You should also take the time to go swimming or relax by a body of water (pool, lake, river, etc). Go buy that bikini or swimsuit you've been wanting to wear, you will look so amazing in it."

Pile III:

Shufflemancy -

On My Mama by Victoria Monét

I'm That Girl by Beyoncé

Bossy by Kelis ft. Too $hort

Connect with Your Ancestors, Ground Yourself, Build Strength, Temperance, Six of Wands, & The Emperor

"Pile 3,

If you expected me to be sweet like the other piles you are surely mistaken! I am here to give you the cold hard truth, I don't sugarcoat nothing. I, your body, am a descendant of your ancestors. Your shape was passed down from the maternal figures in your family. I don't care what other bodies look like, I know, that me, your body, is tea! I don't need to be hourglass, pear, or any other man made name of a body shape to be considered "sexy". These are illusions that the industry creates to make people feel insecure about themselves to get work done or buy products. You do not need any of that, you are gorgeous!!! I need you to wake the hell up and realize that. Those random body aches and cramps you get is because I am trying to get your attention when your ass ignores me. You will not look like those people you have been comparing yourself to, look at the beauty that your family possesses, that you possess. You need to ground yourself whenever you feel self conscious because of your reality. Those videos and images you see on social media are not real, it is a fake virtual world. You and I, are real, we need to reconnect, my love. Mediate more, do yoga, anything to bring your mind back to focus on you. You also need to be patient, if you wish to obtain a physical goal, you need to build endurance and strength. Quick fixes does not last and will only make the situation worst, invest your time in the gym. Bring your attention on balancing your masculine and feminine energy. You can highlight my qualities by sculpting me, your body. I am a piece of art. You need to learn to appreciate me as I have adored you, even when you reject me."

Pile IV:

Shufflemancy -

Summer 2020 by Jhené Aiko

Evergreen (You Didn't Deserve Me At All) by Omar Apollo

You Know Wassup by Kehlani

Connect with the Earth, Be Still, Beauty Ritual, Two of Pentacles (reversed), The Empress, & Knight of Cups

"Oh, pile 4,

You have been dealing with a lot. I know you are still recovering from that relationship, I feel it in our heart. Your world was turned upside down after being with them. Detachment is necessary at this time in order to heal, they never deserved you, and I am glad they no longer have access to me, your body - for we are too beautiful to settle for less. I hope you can see how serene life can be when you are single. The most precious time we have left on this planet is with ourselves, the memories we can make just by being on our own, and discovering the complex layers of our psyche. Allow yourself to be still in this moment in your life and reflect on how you are currently feeling. Do not focus on the past or the future but instead your present, for it is a gift. Spend time in nature or connect with animals, your nervous system will greatly appreciate it. You need comfort and relaxation at this time. Perhaps visit your favorite place or take a walk through the park, whichever you feel most comfortable with. It has been a while since you done something for me. I know you have not been feeling your best but it would be nice if we could a beauty ritual together. How about a nice warm bath with lots of bubbles and suds <3? You could paint your nails, do your skincare routine, massage your scalp, whatever makes you feel the most happy and beautiful. A little ASMR session could be fun as well. I, your body, wish to be your best friend. I look up to you so much, even though I have matured, I still feel like that little child playing in the sandbox or playing on the playground. Do you remember those times? Sorry, I sound nostalgic, hehe. Its just good to finally speak to you, I love you so much yet you never got to know till now, just like how Joy adores Riley from Inside Out. I want you to be happy in life. I know that things have been rough for you but I hope just like those moments where you cried as a child when you scrapped your knee, that this could be a healing process we can overcome, together. Take care, my lovely, pile 4. Love - Your body."

Pile V:

Shufflemancy -

Unfold by Alina Baraz

Step On Up by Ariana Grande

Tia Tamera by Doja Cat ft. Rico Nasty

Chanting, Pleasure, Create Art, Three of Pentacles, The World, & Two of Cups

"Heyyy, pile 5!

I'm not a regular body, I'm a cool body! I want to help you embody this mindset of being unstoppable and powerful. You have so much potential that needs to be put into motion. I want you to work on your stamina and start shifting into gear towards your goals. I hope you are feeling pumped - I know I am! I want you to walk into the room as if you own the place. You need to work on your confidence, straighten your posture, and keep your chin up high. Practicing affirmations or chanting lyrics from uplifting music could you get in you in good spirits. I want you to feel like the diva that you are meant to be. Also honey, I am still cute and perky, SHOW ME OFF! I love when people look at me, your body. I want attention and compliments just as much as you do. You are like a work of art, stop shying behind others and covering me up. Not to be brash but when is the last time you pleasured yourself?! Its been ages since I had a good orgasm. You need to learn to put yourself on the pedestal and stop only focusing on what make others feel good, when have you ever put yourself first? Exactly. I want you to march into that bedroom and focus on making yourself feel sexy. Adore me, wear lingerie, do something to get me excited! Its been a dry spell, so please make sure I am wet first and be gentle. I would like for you to to make me squirt for the first time (be gentle but not that gentle <3). My bad, is that too forward? I just want somebody to match my freak and you could totally do it. I am flirting with you? yes! That's how I want you to feel about me, your body. You should learn to paint, maybe even paint yourself nude, who's gonna judge? Nobody is there to see, unless you want them to see. Wouldn't it be fun if we went to a art class and allowed those peasants to paint us like the god/goddess we are? Not to brag but I know I'm good looking, teehee! In all seriousness, I want you to know that the opportunities in life are endless and you have so much potential sometimes that I don't think you realize it. I am so eager to explore my senses. I want you to travel different countries, eat some yummy food, create art, have a romantic fling, and make love everywhere in the house (if that's your thing I mean... no pressure). Anyways, what I am trying to say is be more adventurous, you don't always have to be responsible, isn't that what being young is for? How can you learn from your mistakes and gain wisdom if you are always wanting to be traditional and focused."

Pile VI:

Shufflemancy -

Focus by H.E.R

Cozy Girl by Baby Tate

Chill Pad Deluxe by Majid Jordan

Write a Gratitude List, Read, Make a Meal, Five of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles, & Page of Cups

"I'm sleepy, pile 6,

I need a really good nap. Could we just stay in? I love being comfortable and relaxed in bed. To be truthful with you, and you might already know this, I am an introverted body. I do not like being in crowds or around other people for too long because it really zaps my energy :<! I prefer being at home, tending to the planets, and being in a zen environment. Could you make me a cup of tea? I would really like something warm and comforting to drink. I hope we can be in a environment one day that is something we always dreamed of - peaceful and zen, a sanctuary for us and our loved ones. I sound old fashioned, don't I now? I guess you could consider me an old soul, I am sorry if I hold you back at times from getting to know new people or make friends, I am still recovering from our past struggles. I also feel like I disappoint you at times. Could you please write about what you're grateful for when it comes to me, your body? I need to hear words of affirmation, for I feel I've been beat down enough by the world, I don't want you to hate me too, it makes me sad. I forgive you for all the times you ever been upset with me and whoever has hurt us. I think we should start over and get to know each other again. I want to help you with your health, I know you have gut issues. We need to eat out less and learn how to cook home cooked meals. It would be nice if we made a recipe book! I love your cooking, even if it sometimes taste a little funny. I feel childish, do you see me, your body, as childlike? I revert to this state to protect myself, I am so sorry, I'm very sensitive. If I could, I would feel like crying but that's a good thing, I could finally release everything I have been pushing down. Let's cozy up under a fluffy blanket, lay on our pretty head on big pillow, and read a book. Could you read me a bedtime story? Oh I would really like that. Maybe even buy me a teddy bear? I like to cuddle, it helps me fall asleep. I also like when you wear silky pajamas or t shirts with sweatpants, its the best combo. You are naturally so pretty. If I could hug you I would, do you mind hugging me? If I had a voice, it would be soft like Winnie the Pooh. I like tummy rubs. I am grateful for you taking such good care of me, I will do my best to support you. Thank you for all you have done and will do for me."

Pile VII:

Shufflemancy -

The Truman Show by Sylvan Lacue ft Xavier Omar

Insane by Summer Walker

Healthy by PRETTYMUCH

Spend Time with Friends, Make an Altar, Deep Breathing. King of Swords, Nine of Swords, & Page of Pentacles

"Breathe, pile 7!

Sheesh! Are you okay??? What's the rush, dude? You need to chill, I know you would like to accomplish your goals but you're making me, your body, sick! Forget about FOMO and catching up with others, slow and steady can still win the race. You have to be smart with how you use your energy. Instead of trying to tackle everything all at once, how about making a schedule and breaking it up into smaller tasks? It would help with all the stress you're experiencing. You are creating unnecessary tension in your life, stop comparing yourself to others, or feeling like you need to buy something because of a trend, you are missing out on special moments because you are in such a hurry to- well, grow up! You need to take some time to relax and interact with friends, I could use a really good belly laugh. Have a movie night with your besties and put the weight of the world away. I don't ask for much but all I ask is that you please take care of your anxiety before it becomes a concern. Making an altar with your favorite pictures and trinkets to calm you down could help provide you a safe space, you could even decorate it with flowers, candles, or string lights, whatever makes you happy! When you sit down at your altar, practice taking deep breaths, and empty your mind. This will provide clarity and help you calm down. If you need guidance or wisdom in life, please come to me, your body, before going to others. I can help you make the right decisions, pay attention to your intuition, and the signals I give you, for it might even save your life one day."

Pile VIII:

Shufflemancy -

Jealousy, Jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo

Splinter by FIG

Prom Queen by Beach Bunny

Sweet Treat, Sound Healing, Alone Time, The Tower, Eight of Pentacles, & The High Priestess (reversed)

"What's up, doll? I-I mean Pile 8!

I don't mean to pester ya. I bet you didn't expect me to sound like a new jersey housewife, eh? Or is it Harley Quinn??? Bugs Bunny?! Eh, whateva. Listen pudding. You are sweet as a cupcake, ooo wee! What a delight you are! You and me, doll, we make quite the pair, you know- given that I'm your body and all. Listen babe, you mind if I call you babe, sugar? I know you've been a bit down in the dumps for being "fun sized". Whether ya petite or a slim jim, what's it to ya?! Who cares if others got a bit more pushin' to the cushion? You're absolutely friggin' adorable! Keep it cute and perky. You're like Sandy Dee from Grease before she got the makeover and what not. The spice you need is that confidence Sandy got when she mustered up the courage to change up her look and join The Pink Ladies. You gotta show these fools you're not just somebody they could push around! Hun, to be frank with you, I'm really tense, I get all tough in the muscles because you're always being picked on and it makes me protective of you. It's hard for me, ya body, to let my guard down. . Bake me some goodies will ya? Whenever you're having a tough day, reward yourself with some treats. I want you to stop caring about how much you eat or where it's gonna go, you're perfect the way you are. Also why don't you listen to some music to unwind? Jam in your room, get a instrument, sing, listen to frequencies, do whatever brings you peace toots. As much as I am good at interacting with the peoples, I think it's time for us to get some alone time. We gotta start from the ground up because I know you're struggling with your confidence because of what happened to ya. Ya know- that traumatic event we don't really like to talk about? Yeah you know what I mean. I wish I could beat up those stupid bullies who made you cry. I know that from a young age, you always compared yourself to the popular kids and those celebrities from the magazines but doll, peaking early doesn't mean its gonna last forever. Being a late bloomer has its advantages, you have the brains and the beauty to match with it. I want you to know that you got something really special, kiddo! And I'm not saying it just because I'm your body. I want you to focus on building a career and getting a good education. Trust me when I say this, as you get older, I'm gonna spread out in all the right places, you won't even know when it will hit ya! I'll make it move like water, if you know what I mean, baby!!!"

Pile IX:

Shufflemancy -

In A Good Way by Faye Webster

Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae

How Sweet by NewJeans

Journal, Look to the Stars, Family, Wheel of Fortune, Ace of Pentacles, & The Fool

"Greetings, pile 9,

You have arrived to your destination! I find you to be so ethereal and beautiful. I hope you don't try to diminish your beauty by wanting to fit in, you look your best when you stand out. I like when you wear flowy clothing, it makes you sparkle like a celestial being from outer space. You should dressing according to the signs in your birth chart, it could help you attract abundance. Are you wishing to manifest your dream body? It is possible, for I, your body, are transformative. We constantly growing and changing in life. You should journal your thoughts and ideas, watch your goals come into reality. I want you to really shoot for the stars! Invest your money in taking care of your health. There are health issues that are genetic and run in your family, instead of fighting it, focus on taking care of yourself. Buying the right foods, supplements, and vitamins could be crucial at this time. I believe giving gifts and being generous to family members would help promote good spirits. If you are wanting to try something new lately, perhaps traveling, or going on vacation, now would be a good time to do so. I would like for us to go for a run, jog, or a walk! Let's visit places we never been to before, something magical is waiting to happen. I, your body, would also like a little buddy. Could we get a pet? So that they can accompany us in our jogs through the neighborhood, that would be fun!"

#pac #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #tarot cards #tarot #tarotblr #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology #astro community #astro notes #manifestation #law of assumption #affirmations #Spotify #witchcraft #spells #self concept

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anantaru · 1 year ago

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hear me out.. this is fluffy 🥹

imagine wriothesley as a dad, especially a girl dad! (thanks to his teaser for this idea!!!)

cw. ・✶ ｡ none, fluff, established relationship (he's your husband), girl dad wriothesley <3 (she's around 6), fem! reader

the love wriothesley has for his daughter is the purest form of love.

it's new— and he has never felt it before, in fact, it cannot be compared with anything else in this universe.

as it was in his life, wriothesley was severely occupied as the duke of the fortress and such was the wonderful reason as to why he likes to appreciate the little moments that happen in your day to day life with your daughter— the feeling of protecting his child was inexpressible, and in order for him to at least miss you both a little bit less or make it become somewhat bearable, wriothesley finds himself romanticizing the morning hours of the day.

the duke starts his day with greeting you, his wife, and his cute daughter before he helps you to get her ready as much as he can— side note your daughter has his eyes, and if words could describe it only a little bit, she looks just like an angel.

also— it might be silly, or maybe it just looks silly seeing your husband struggle like that, but something about him doing your daughters hair was— by the same token, very cute and quite hilarious.

that's when his alter ego, the quote on quote, “hair stylist wriothesley”, comes into place.

not beating around the bush, but your husband was surprisingly very good at doing her hair. obviously, he does it the same way you showed him, yet he will always add a ridiculous amount of bedazzled hair accessories to her head.

to say that wriothesley was a big fan of glittery, sparkly head pieces would be a clear understatement— but do not try to put them on his hair, this dangerous route will take you to a tickle competition you simply cannot win, not even if you tried your hardest.

the duke didn't see anything wrong with clipping a bunch of radiant hair accessories on her head, even though she might end up looking like a disco ball— not that your daughter minds it, archons, she utterly adored it whenever her dad did her hair!

she was, in fact, the biggest fan of her dad doing it, because they got to spend some quality time together before he would be gone for the majority of her day. how he kneels down behind her while she sits on the little seat in front of her child-sized vanity, looking at her dad through glowy, admiring eyes while he does her hair for the day.

sadly, wriothesley knows that after that he has to work, he must and it will always take him all his power to get going— before that though, he will tell you both goodbye, add a small kiss on his daughters forehead before giving you a small peck on the lips.

how deeply he wanted to spend the day with you two, maybe walk around fontaine so you could shop around— because last time you did that, you actually found a matching outfit for you and your daughter and wriothesley found it to be one of the cutest, little memories in his mind.

he even took a picture of the two of you and keeps it in his wallet at all times now. who knows but when he feels like it becomes unbearable while being apart from his family, he tends to just look at it and smile.

when wriothesley met you, his live truly has changed forever.

you gave him pure, unfaltering love, deep compassion and of course— a family, something he thought he'd never be able to have.

being a parent certainly wasn't an easy task, and it was important to navigate through future differences that might occur one way or the other, more so seek out a good way to find the best possible solution for everybody involved.

not only for your marriage sake, but for your own childs sake— and wriothesley cannot wait to teach her valuable life lessons, about giving love to the world and the importance of following your dreams, opening his arms for his child with kindness, provide his cute daughter with hope, real hope.

while lastly, make his child excited to see this world and grow up with two wonderful parents that love her so very much.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #wriothesley x reader #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #wriothesley x you #genshin x you #wriothesley fluff #genshin impact x you #genshin x y/n #genshin impact drabbles #genshin drabbles #wriothesley x y/n

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starrysturnz · 5 days ago

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overseas, under you [part two]

pairing. chris sturniolo x reader

summary. after the incident, chris chooses the path of avoidance, and y/n can’t seem to get him to admit what’s wrong. but she can only handle so much silence before she breaks, and things don’t exactly go as expected when she confronts him about it.

warnings. hurt/comfort my all time fav genre <3 smut; mentions of a wet dream, blowjob, first time experiencing oral (fem!receiving), the occasional lovebite, a hint of overstimulation (fem!receiving) if you look at this fic through a magnifying glass. they’re so stupid in love it’s gross get this off my feed.

word count. 6.6k

author’s note. guys. it’s finally here. i’m sorry for going MIA, things have been very complicated in my personal life these past few months. i won’t get into it, just know i’m excited to be writing again <3 if you like chris content, consider sending in asks for prince!chris— i want to write more for him :) but lowkey also send matt asks because i’ve been neglecting him… lol.

masterlist | taglist | part one

y/n couldn’t help but notice the weird vibe chris was giving off.

it was like he couldn’t sit still— well, more so than usual. the second their alarm had sounded, he was rolling her off of him with a quick “sorry,” scrambling out of bed like every second counted to get ready for dinner. the girl didn’t even have a chance to properly open her eyes, let alone process the fact that she’d been draped atop her secret crush as they slept.

chris had made a beeline for the bathroom, shutting the door behind him with haste. y/n just sat up and rubbed her eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be long since he’d left his phone on the nightstand. she could use a minute to choose an outfit; something cute, but not her favorite— she couldn’t waste a perfect look on just dinner.

swinging her legs off the bed, she noted a discomfort between them, a slickness that had her underwear sticking to her in a less-than-comfortable fashion. suddenly, her dream started coming back to her, shocking images flooding her mind of her best friend kissing her, teasing her, feeling her… pleasing her. she’d fantasized about these things before, sure, but it never felt so real.

dragging a hand down her face, y/n stood, opening her suitcase to select an evening dress (and a new pair of underwear). she landed on a plain, silky slip with an exposed back— elegant, but by far one of her least complicated outfits. she’d dress it up with some jewelry and strappy heels, and a handbag large enough to fit only her phone and room key.

she’d just finished grabbing all of her shower products when chris came out of the bathroom, cheeks dusted with a rosy flush. he seemed a little less stir-crazy now, but y/n still clocked his skittish demeanor, how he barely made eye contact with her as he passed her. she sighed to herself, making the executive decision to worry about that once she was ready— she only had so much time to wash up and do her makeup, and she wasn’t prepared to lose any of it.

⁺⁎˚

dinner wasn’t any better. chris was still off, his typical silly comments at an all-time low. he spoke only when spoken to, and kept his answers short and to the point. he didn’t even make a face when the waiter told him they had coke products rather than pepsi, which was so out of character that y/n had to do a double take.

nick and matt dismissed it as a symptom of exhaustion, but y/n knew better. she could see the cogs turning in his head, the crease of his brow speaking for him as he forked distractedly at the food on his plate. something was definitely wrong, but she couldn’t imagine what might’ve altered his mood so drastically in the time they’d been napping, unless he’d had some kind of bad dream.

even then… chris was a talker. if he did have a nightmare, he’d be chatting her ear off about it, or at the very least, he would have mentioned it. it wasn’t that she was on the receiving end a cold shoulder, but there was a distance between them that brewed an unease in y/n’s stomach. the only time chris had actually taken a second to acknowledge her was when she’d stepped out of the bathroom to put on her shoes.

his eyes had locked onto her figure, stopping him in his tracks. if the she didn’t know any better, y/n could’ve sworn she caught his pupils dilating. under different circumstances, she’d be reeling about the moment, replaying it in her head like a broken record. but she couldn’t do that, because in an instant, chris had been back to bustling around the room to grab his wallet, keys, and phone.

“we’re probably gonna be wrapping up the photoshoot by ten,” matt’s voice snapped the girl back to reality from across the booth, “so feel free to get breakfast without us. or if you’d rather sleep in, we can all get brunch together.”

“knowing them, they’ll still be asleep when we get back,” nick chimed in through a mouthful of food.

y/n mustered a small giggle. “you should talk. you’d sleep eighteen hours straight if you could.”

“i’m pretty sure matt has.”

“shut up, nick, no i haven’t.”

“what do you think, chris?” y/n interjected before the argument could begin, nudging the boy next to her, “we sleep in and wait, or ditch these kids?”

“hm?” chris took a moment to mentally return to the table. “oh. uh, whatever you want, i’m cool.”

“so, if i said let’s wake up at seven and get an early start to the day, you’d be okay with that?” she teased, trying to get a rise out of him, anything.

“i’ll just wake up to your alarm,” he said plainly, “doesn’t matter when.” his tone wasn’t rude, wasn’t even dismissive, and somehow that made y/n even more concerned. chris was like a printer— when his brain was full, he would sort of rapid-fire his thoughts aloud, one unfinished concept after another. and right now, it was definitely cluttered, she could tell… but this silence and general indifference was uncharacteristic of him.

“okay,” she offered him a smile. “well, ’m just teasing, anyway. obviously i’d never subject either of us to an early morning.” the faintest quirk of the corner of chris’s mouth felt like a big victory, and y/n’s shoulders relaxed ever-so-slightly. shifting back to face the other triplets, she spoke definitively: “we’ll meet you in the lobby when you get back.”

⁺⁎˚

y/n was frustrated, bordering on upset.

she just wanted to know what was going on! had she done something to deserve this detached version of her best friend? the elevator ride up to their floor was painfully awkward, with nick and matt having exhausted all topics of discussion already, and y/n having given up on trying to get chris to talk to her.

she’d started by pitching activities they might want to do tomorrow: attend a luau, take advantage of the hotel’s complimentary surf lessons, even go snorkeling. when that didn’t work, she moved into dirty joke territory, equating her meal to the feeling of several spontaneous orgasms, but he didn’t offer her so much as a grin, almost flinching, even. finally, she tried enticing him with the promise of watching cars (surely his favorite film would win him over?), and after receiving an unenthusiastic response, she gave up altogether. she felt like a mother trying to convince her disinterested teenage child to open us about their interests, or something... and she didn’t care for it.

whatever. she was just going to get changed and sleep, and hopefully chris would be in a more lively mood in the morning. maybe what they both needed was an uninterrupted eight to ten hours.

y/n didn’t bother to hold the door for chris as she entered their shared room, spitefully letting it swing back at him. she snagged her pijamas off the foot of the bed and headed right into the bathroom, unconcerned with the possibility that chris might want to use it, too. her movements weren’t harsh or hurried— more so heavy, visibly tired, generally over it. her shoulders sagged, her temples started to ache. all she wanted was to wash her face, change into comfy clothes, and drink some complimentary tea from the minibar.

it was after the pair had finally gotten in bed that y/n snapped. a little known fact about chris and y/n was that they both preferred to sleep with some background noise playing— any familiar movie or tv show would do. but when their fingers met as they simultaneously reached for the remote between them, chris yanked his hand back like it’d been singed on hot coals. screw the benefit of the doubt, now she was just pissed off.

“chris, what the hell is your deal?” y/n blurted, turning so sharply to face him that she gave herself whiplash. the boy startled, his shoulders practically jumping out of his t-shirt at her sudden anger. taken aback, he hesitated, which only spurred her on. “i mean, seriously, did i do something to you? like, genuinely? because you’ve been walking around all night like somebody kicked your puppy. and i thought i could be the bigger person and just ignore it, but you’re acting like i have fucking cooties, like a fourth-grader. and you refuse to use your words, which is some more fucking fourth-grader bullshit—,”

“y/n—,”

“—and at first, i thought maybe you were just tired, because we both know you get grumpy when you’re tired, but i’ve literally never seen you be this quiet in my life—,”

“y/n, just—,”

“—and i’m sorry that they didn’t have any other rooms available, and i’m sorry that sharing one with me makes you so uncomfortable, but i honestly didn’t think that after years of friendship and sleepovers and cuddling that it would throw you off this much. but this is really freaking me out, so for the love of god, can you please just tell me what i did to deserve—,”

the kiss came so unexpectedly, y/n almost didn’t have a chance to process what was happening before chris pulled away, his face mere inches from hers. a hand snaked its way up her neck to support the back of her head as he leaned his forehead against hers, their breath mingling in the space between them.

“you,” he exhaled through a small smile, “talk so much, kid.”

but when he leaned back, chris wasn’t met with the stunned look he was expecting. the smirk on his lips faded instantly when instead, he saw her eyes welled with tears, insecurity and confusion swimming there. his demeanor changed on a dime to concerned, his hands reaching for her own, but stopping short on their way… he didn’t know if she wanted to be touched.

“hey,” chris whispered, ducking his head in a futile attempt to catch her eye. “y/n? i’m sorry, i shouldn’t’ve….”

he swallowed the frog in his throat at the sight of her arms wrapping themselves around her stomach protectively. fuck, he fucked up, didn’t he?

his voice was soft, encouraging when he spoke next. “y/n… look at me.” he had to ask once or twice more before she obliged, and he offered her an apologetic quirk of the corner of his mouth. “i should’ve asked first. ’m sorry. i just… couldn’t keep listening to you insisting you did something wrong.”

it took a couple moments for the right words to find her. then, shifting slightly on the mattress, she broke his heart.

“then why does it feel like you don’t want me around?”

she almost regretted her question from the way his features molded into an expression of anguish. this time, he didn’t stop himself from taking her hands in his, gently tugging her closer. the pads of his thumbs made quick work of smoothing over her skin.

“y/n,” he started bluntly, “i want you around every second of every day. i would literally crawl inside your skin if i could.”

relief flooded his system at the sound of her watery laugh. “that’s insane,” she mumbled, sniffling.

“’s true. you drive me crazy.”

y/n’s giggles died down quickly, and a tense silence fell over them. chris never let up on his ministrations, her hands heavy in his own. she watched the motion of his thumbs sweeping the backs of her hands for a moment before trying again.

“what happened tonight, chris? i mean, you practically ignore me for hours and hours, and then y-you kiss me when i yell at you for it? please, i…,” she looked up at him through her lashes, eyes wide and full of something he couldn’t quite decipher, “i want to understand.”

chris took a deep breath, squeezing her hands once before hesitantly beginning to explain what had happened mere hours earlier. he watched as the color drained from her face, pulling away from his touch in favor of throwing her head into her palms— he missed her warmth the instant it was gone.

y/n didn’t move a muscle when he finished speaking, hoping that any second now she would wake up from this cruel nightmare. mortified didn’t even begin to cover it— she felt sick to her stomach. chris, sympathetic as always, reached out, fingertips grazing her arm. his heart plummeted when she flinched at the feeling.

“y/n, ’s okay. you… y‘ weren’t the only one who was, uh… affected.”

y/n’s breath halted in her chest. waiting, processing, comprehending. she peeked over the wall of her fingers.

“what? you mean… you were…?”

bashfulness bloomed on his cheeks as he offered her a guilty smile. “why do you think i pushed you off so quick? almost didn’t make it to the bathroom.”

for someone with so many thoughts running through her head, so many questions to ask, y/n was speechless. chris had never struggled so hard to read her, and the quietude in the air furthered his anxiety more and more as the seconds passed. did he say the wrong thing? maybe this was too much information— the last thing he wanted was to scare her off.

no sudden movements. chris would do anything to escape the deafening silence, but he also knew that he had to let her speak first. it was her move, and she had him in check.

there were grey hairs on his head by the time y/n’s voice eventually tickled his ears.

“chris…,” she took a deep breath in, the fresh air replacing the stale. no going back now. “…have you wanted me as long as i’ve wanted you?”

checkmate.

chris’s eyes grew dark with lust. gentle but now sure hands found purchase on the soft of her waist, tugging the girl into his lap, their noses brushing from the newfound proximity. it took everything in her to meet his steady gaze and hold it.

“y/n,” calloused fingertips ghosted along her cheek, “i can’t remember a time when i didn’t want you.”

that was all she needed to hear before finally, finally closing the distance between them.

the kiss wasn’t hurried, but wasn’t hesitant either. it was deliberate, chalk-full of years‘ worth of unspoken feelings and uncrossed barriers and the relief of being on the same page for the first time in their lives. his hands were everywhere— her face, her waist, her thighs— fighting hard to remain respectful in their exploration of her body. they’d skim faintly beneath the hem of her shorts, her t-shirt, just barely so before retreating into safer territory.

y/n didn’t mind. she almost didn’t notice. she was blissfully distracted by the sensation of chris’s lips waltzing against hers. it was like she’d always imagined it, only hotter, breathier, like he’d rather die kissing her than come up for air .(the feeling was mutual.) her own hands clutched just below the neckline of his shirt, tugging him impossibly closer, bent elbows caged between them when his arms snaked their way around her frame. she reveled in the feeling of his biceps flexing against her, safe and secure in his embrace— nothing could hurt her here.

y/n was sure her face was turning blue when they eventually pulled away, chris taking her bottom lip between his teeth and tugging before letting go altogether. he was already smiling at her when she opened her eyes.

“hi,” she giggled sheepishly, cheeks warm under his gaze.

chris’s smile deepened, a content sigh escaping him as he admired her. “hi, baby,” he thumbed over her brow. “you okay?”

the girl nodded a response. “i’m perfect.”

he hummed in agreement. “you are.”

a beat passed, and y/n shifted under his heavy gaze, noticing a stiffness beneath her as she did. realization washed over her like cold shower, and she startled in his hold, attempting to back up off him a little.

“hey, what’re you…,” chris followed her eyeline to his lap. “oh.” he offered her an apologetic smile, arms loosening to give her space to move if she was uncomfortable. “’m sorry, i didn’t even realize. guess you just have that effect on me. we can stop, if you want.”

the speed with which y/n responded shocked even herself.

“what if i helped this time?”

chris was rarely ever rendered speechless, but something about the way she was looking up at him so innocently, lips swollen from his kisses, stole the air clean out of his lungs. the silence was enough to get y/n in her head again.

“i don’t have to, or anything, i just….”

chris shook the dumbfounded look off his face, pulling her in again.

“no, god—, i would… i would love that, seriously.” his large hands settled on her thighs— not squeezing, not rubbing, just resting. “but i don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything. ’m perfectly happy takin‘ care of it myself.”

the sincere expression etched on his face, the crease in his brow made something melt behind y/n’s ribs.

“i know, chris,” she tilted her head a degree to the right, smoothing her clammy palms down on his shoulders, trying to find an outlet for the abundance of (nervous? excited?) energy buzzing in her body. “you’ve always been a perfect gentleman, even when we were kids. sometimes too much for your own good.”

she caught his confused gaze, and used her grip on his shoulders to pull him in, planting a quick kiss to his cheek, then to the corner of his mouth, before leaning back again.

“but i’m offering, so… if you want, then i wanna help.”

chris studied her for a moment, searching for any signs of a bluff. but no dice— this was real. like, actually happening to him. his best friend, the love of his life. how did he get so lucky?

“okay, baby. could you hand me that pillow?”

⁺⁎˚

y/n shifted her weight, trying to situate in a way that wouldn’t leave her with sore knees for the rest of her vacation. she especially wouldn’t want to find bruises there, considering half her dresses fell to the mid-thigh— she put too much effort into those outfits just to jeopardize them now!

“y’good down there, angel?” chris asked. “comfortable?” she smiled at his concern, ultimately deciding she wanted another pillow to kneel on, which he happily and hastily provided for her.

soon they were all set— y/n perched between chris’s legs as he manspreaded off the side of the bed. he was clad in only his underwear now, having discarded his pants moments ago, and her eyes found themselves fixed on the bulge a mere foot away from her. she was anxious, no doubt, but more than that, she was excited. her greatest fantasy was coming true. not just to sleep with, but to have. someone who wanted her the way she wanted him, as much as she wanted him.

the girl was yanked from her thoughts at the feeling of fingertips kissing her cheeks and settling behind her jaw, steady hands caressing her face as if she were made of porcelain. his thumbs traced over her cheekbones once, twice, hooded eyes admiring her own before pulling her up ever-so-slightly to meet him as he leaned down.

his mouth sponged against her nose, her lips, and finally her forehead, against which he whispered, “still okay?” she nodded, and he rubbed his thumbs along her skin again, pulling back. “gotta hear you say it, baby.”

y/n told him she was just fine, great, even, and chris didn’t think he’d ever loved her more than in this exact moment. at first, he scolded himself at the thought— of course he’d feel that way right when she was about to give him head. typical man.

but then y/n gasped, startling him for a fraction of a second as she reached a hand up toward his face.

“hold still, honey… you have an eyelash.”

before closing his eyes at the proximity, chris was able to catch the look of concentration in the deep set of her brow, the tip of her tongue peeking out the corner of her mouth as she attempted to pick the fallen lash up, and his heart just sort of… stopped.

she was so genuine, effortlessly beautiful in every aspect. her warmth rivaled that of the sun, her eyes shone brighter than the north star, and chris just knew— he knew his affection for her was far deeper than any sexual attraction. he’d turn celibate in a heartbeat if she asked.

“make a wish.”

chris knew what he wanted.

y/n giggled at the tickling sensation of his breath blowing the lash away, looking up at him with an expression that had him questioning if he was dreaming. her hands trailed up his thighs, sending a shiver through him. “what’d you wish for?”

“won’t come true if i tell you.”

“so lame,” she pouted, dipping her fingers into the waistband of his boxer-briefs. “can i?”

chris shot her an incredulous look, rolling his eyes playfully as he lifted his hips. there was a sudden tension in the air as he was freed from the confines of the material, which he was scared would turn into an awkward silence, before he was promptly reminded that this was y/n he was dealing with.

“that is so not all fitting in my mouth, chris.”

her deadpan reaction had him reeling so hard his ribs protested and cursed him.

“get outta here,” he managed to say between fits of laughter, wiping his eyes with the backs of his palms.

“i would, but i’ve got work to do.” and with that, she took him in her hand, ending chris’s chortling with a sharp hiss. her thumb swiped over his stiff tip, collecting the leakage there, and her lips quirked proudly at the sight of him gripping the edge of the mattress.

“oh, fuck,” he exhaled, lashes fluttering as he closed his eyes. she repeated the motion a few more times, reveling in the power she held. it was fun to tease him…. chris was always in charge, even in the most innocent of ways. he opened doors for her, paid for meals, even checked up on her on nights out to see if she needed help getting home (it’s a wonder she didn’t notice his interest in her sooner)— just once, she wanted to be the one in control.

quite suddenly, chris felt an unmistakable warmth and wetness envelop the head of his cock. it sent a jolt through him— lightning through his nervous system— his eyes flying back open, meeting her own. she was giving him the most beautiful puppy-dog stare he’d ever seen, and he had to glance away for fear of cumming way too soon.

she kept at it for a minute, eventually popping off to lick a long stripe from the base to the tip. his groans from above woke a few butterflies in her belly she didn’t know were sleeping, motivating her. she took the tip in her mouth again, swirling her tongue, before starting to sink lower.

chris’s hands shot to the back of her head on instinct, and it took most of his already waning willpower not to push down. instead, he rested his palms flat behind her ears, massaging her scalp occasionally. y/n could tell he was trying to be gentle, but his grip tightened with each new centimeter she took.

“y/n,” chris said breathlessly, “angel. ’s perfect, don’t— don’t stop.”

she wasn’t going to stop. she hollowed her cheeks, earning another low moan from him. her tongue explored as much of him as it could reach, and when that wasn’t enough to satiate her, she went deeper, feeling him hit the back of her throat.

y/n felt herself begin to gag just a bit. chris noticed too, of course he did, his now-scratchy voice still as soothing as ever.

“y’got it, y/n. breathe through your nose for me. there you go.” his right hand smoothed over the back of her head reassuringly, the opposite thumb wiping away a tear she didn’t realize had fallen. “doin‘ so good.”

unfortunately, y/n was only human, and humans need oxygen to live. she pulled off him slowly, torturously, watching his eyes— which were hooded with lust, desperation, and something else she couldn’t quite place— drink in the sight of her already fucked-out face. she coughed.

“all right?” he asked.

shutting her eyes, she said, “yeah, sorry— just need a second.” her hands rested on his knees as she caught her breath, swallowing hard. a few moments passed (chris thumbing at her earlobe endearingly) before she opened them again, and there he was, staring down at her with blown pupils and a heave in his chest.

“please, baby.”

her thighs clenched, and y/n wasted no time getting back to work. it took her a minute to work up the nerve to try going all the way down again, but a particularly low groan from chris had her confidence shooting sky high. she pulled off, a string of saliva connecting her lips to his tip, which she kissed away. then she was sliding down his length again— she could feel him twitch in her mouth, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little embarrassed at the way her hips bucked at the sensation.

she shuffled closer for a better angle, making it all the way down without gagging, taking chris’s advice and breathing through her nose.

“holy f-fuck, i— y/n, ’m gonna… gonna cum soon, baby,” chris tried to warn. he gently tapped her cheek, as if to say ‘pull off,’ but y/n wasn’t having it. she reached up to carefully squeeze his balls, a sort of final touch— she’d heard from her friends that guys really liked that, even if she found it rather awkward to do— and it worked. in no time, chris was canting his hips upward, shooting a heavy load down y/n’s throat, groaning and cursing and biting his lip so hard he might’ve drawn blood. but his hands remained gentle on her head.

nobody spoke as they caught their breath. the space around them was thick with the air from their lungs; not enough to fill the room, but definitely enough to fog up the inside of their private little bubble. her cheek laid against his thigh, eyes closed and arm hooked around his shin for comfort— his, too.

after some time (maybe a minute, maybe more), chris broke the silence.

“you’re unreal, y/n.”

she giggled. “i try.”

a few seconds passed as he studied her face with hooded eyes, breathing heavy. there were so many things he wanted to say, so many plans taking shape in his head, but for now he’d keep those to himself. all in good time.

“all right,” he got up, patting the middle of the bed as he held out a hand, helping her up, “your turn.”

y/n froze. “what?”

“’m returning the favor. y‘ didn’t think i was gonna leave you high and dry, did you?”

the smirk on his face began to fall when she didn’t answer him, her feet seemingly rooted to the floor. she opened her mouth as if to speak, closing it a second later.

“what is it, angel?” his tone was warm, encouraging, but she heard the concern seeping through.

she toed at the carpet, dropping her head to avoid eye contact. it was a stupid thing to have to admit, a little embarrassing, even. “nothing, really. it’s just…,” she sighed, picking at a hangnail anxiously, “um, i’ve just never… received before.” the girl winced at how juvenile the words sounded out loud.

the crease wasted no time forming in chris’s brow. “wait, you’re saying no one’s ever eaten you out?”

if chris hadn’t sounded so genuinely confused in his question, y/n would’ve thought he was teasing her. she just shook her head.

scratching his jaw in thought, he said, “we don’t have to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable, baby. you wanna stop? order some dessert?” he snuck a brief glance at the clock on the desk. “or we could just sleep. whatever makes you happy, ’s all i want.”

but the thought of stopping had her stomach churning.

“no, no… i want to, promise.” she toyed with the hem of her top. “i’m just a bit nervous, is all.”

“how about this, then,” he laid his warm palms on her hips, pulling her carefully closer and landing a kiss on her cheek, “you try it with me, and if you hate it, we stop. and i’ll find another, equally enjoyable way to get you off.”

she couldn’t stifle the laugh in her throat. “chris—!”

“or if you hate that idea too, then we can just snuggle,” he nuzzled his face into her neck, earning him a loud shriek followed by some more giggles.

“as tempting as the snuggles sound, why don’t we save them for after?”

chris pulled back, smiling. “you sure, baby? was jus‘ teasing you before, i really don’t mind.”

“no, i wanna try. i just hope your mouth is good for more than all that yapping.”

“don’t hate, you know you love the sound of my voice.”

“just shut up and get to work, chris.”

⁺⁎˚

despite their silly banter, y/n was still anxious. chris had been so patient when undressing her, telling her how beautiful she was, kissing the new exposed skin softly, instructing her multiple times to say the word if she felt uncomfortable, that he wouldn’t be upset if she wanted to stop— and all of that definitely helped her to relax.

but this was still uncharted territory for her, and she wanted nothing more than for it to go well. she wasn’t even sure how someone in her position could mess it up, but she figured she’d somehow find a way.

y/n felt the tapping on her temple before hearing his voice. “you okay up there?”

she nodded, lowering her gaze. “yeah, sorry. just… thinking.”

one corner of the boy’s mouth twitched up mischievously.

“don’t worry, baby,” he brought his face in close, stopping just when he felt his lips brush against her own. “i’ll make that stop.”

it took chris seconds to assume his place at the altar— head stuffed between y/n’s soft thighs, nipping at the skin there just to feel her jolt and tense beneath his touch. he was busy smoothing over one of the marks he’d just left when she whined.

“chris, please, i can’t wait any—,”

her words were replaced by a sharp gasp, fingers hurriedly collecting the bedding beneath her for some semblance of support. the first few licks were long and slow, almost transitional. chris figured it’d be best not to dive in all at once; a slow introduction, like acclimating to a cold pool.

his big hands were planted on each of her knees, holding her legs open as he worked, eyes closed as he drank in her taste, her scent. a deep groan escaped him, and he felt y/n clench around nothing at the sensation.

she was addicting. this was heaven, he thought, and her noises were the sounds of the angels‘ choir. he could do this forever.

y/n was also in heaven. it had only taken moments for the anxiety to slip away in favor of overwhelming pleasure. the girl wasn’t sure what to do with her hands, letting them roam across the sheets, pillows, her own skin, before eventually settling in chris’s hair; hesitantly at first— she didn’t want to hurt him, after all. but there had been a particularly sharp nip to her clit, her fingers tightened of their own accord, and the noise that sounded from chris had her abandoning all concern about his pain whatsoever.

“god, you’re delicious,” he marveled, briefly surfacing for air, pupils blown behind hooded lids. “could eat this pussy for hours.”

“chris,” y/n half laughed, half whined. she could feel the warmth migrating up her chest to her cheeks.

“’m serious, ma. would do this every day if you’d let me.”

y/n smiled, head falling back against the pillow with a soft thud, grateful for the opportunity to catch her own breath. her fingers busied themselves, massaging gently into his scalp and twisting the occasional lock between them. she’d figured chris would jump back in any second now, and just as she was about to peek through her lashes to see what the hold up was, she felt his grip snaking around her thighs, gently repositioning her.

“chris, what—,”

“shh,” he whispered, placing her legs up onto his shoulders and sliding his arms under her thighs to rest his hands on her hips. “trust me, baby,” he planted a kiss on the crest of her mound for emphasis, “you’ll like this.”

swallowing hard in anticipation, y/n nodded. the sensation of his fingertips drawing soothing shapes into her soft skin was a welcome distraction from the newfound nerves coiling in her belly.

with a final glance up at his beautiful girl, chris dove back in headfirst. this time, the fervor with which he operated had her digging her heels into his back, arching her own off the mattress, damp with her sweat. chris’s greedy tongue, accompanied by his nose nudging her clit just right, had her seeing stars.

“chris, oh my—!” her hips bucked up on their own accord, his strong hands pushing them back down into the bed. y/n whined, writhing at the feeling of the tip of his tongue dipping into her entrance.

“i got you, baby,” he promised, face still stuffed between her thighs. the vibration of his own moan had her jaw dropping, and her body struggling to decide if it wanted to retreat or push harder into him.

chris decided for her, yanking her closer as he began to focus solely on her clit. the lewd sounds of his sucking and her sobbing filled the room, and y/n honestly wouldn’t be shocked if nick and matt heard them all the way down the hall.

she opened her eyes again, drunk on the image of her best friend devouring her. her eyes studied his toned figure, all smooth skin and shoulder muscles contracting as he worked. just then, she zeroed in on one particular detail— small, but enough to hatch more butterflies within her. chris’s own hips were rutting into the comforter, slowly but at a steady pace, as if chasing his own high.

he was getting off to this.

something sparked in y/n’s head, lighting a fuse that traveled all the way down to her aching core. the idea that chris was eating her out not only for her pleasure, but his too was enough to have her right on the edge, muscles tensing, hands reaching blindly for his own.

chris (ever the attentive lover) caught on, securing her shaky hands, returning her vice grip with a gentle one. thumbs brushed along her knuckles carefully, a stark contrast to the growing intensity of his mouth on her center.

“can feel you getting close, angel,” he mused. “gonna cum for me?”

the only thing y/n could do was nod frantically, words altogether failing her. “can i?” she managed after a few tries, “can i, please? please, can i cum?”

chris’s brow furrowed. “’course, you can. don’t have to ask, baby.”

his green light was all she needed. in seconds, she was squirming in his steady hold, warmth blooming from her core and up through her limbs. chris didn’t let up, still lapping away as she convulsed beneath him. it was like he couldn’t get enough, and one too many licks had her whining and begging him to ease up.

“sorry, angel,” he kissed the tops of her thighs, her navel, the space between her breasts, and finally, her lips, “couldn’t help myself. ’s just so good.”

y/n offered him a weak smile in response, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a surge of pride in his chest at the sight of her rendered speechless and spent at his hand (or rather, his tongue). but he did need her to focus, just for a minute.

“hey,” he started softly, “y/n. look at me, okay?” she listened, and the combination of her heavy breathing and puppy-dog eyes almost had him scooping her up into his arms— but there would be time for that in a minute.

“i know you’re tired, but we gotta get you cleaned up. you feeling like a shower? want me to run you a bath? hm?” he smoothed his hand along her face, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger and angling her gently to meet his gaze. she shook her head.

“wanna cuddle…,” she pouted.

something fluttered in his chest. “we will, baby. just let me take care of you first, all right? i’m gonna be right back, just stay here and try not to fall asleep on me.”

he didn’t wait for a reply before heading swiftly to the bathroom and returning with a warm washcloth, carefully wiping up the mess he made between her legs. she winced at the feeling, earning and apology from the boy.

“all done now,” he whispered, settling next to her in the bed and pulling her into him. he stroked her arm in reassuring motions, laying a soft kiss to her forehead. she nestled into the crook of his neck, sighing softly.

a few moments passed in comfortable silence. then, “thank you, chris. i just… i want you to know….”

it didn’t matter that she couldn’t get the words out, chris understood. he always understood her.

“i know, baby. me too.”

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

they smiled at each other. y/n shifted, and felt something stiff against her leg. a small gasp escaped her.

“chris, you’re— you’re still….”

“hm? oh.” he looked down at his still-hard length, poking through his boxers. “don’t worry about it. it’ll go down.” he smirked. “eventually.”

“are you sure you don’t want to, um… take care of it?”

chris was tempted to tease her for her shy demeanor, but ultimately opted against it. he’d have plenty of time to do that now. “just wanna hold you. is that okay?”

y/n nodded. “yeah, that’s okay.”

for a few long moments, his arms were like boa constrictors around her, as if he was afraid to let go— like she might slip through his hold if he closed his eyes too long. y/n didn’t mind. she was safe with chris; nothing could hurt her here.

they were both on the brink of sleep when y/n spoke for the final time that night, something that had been on her mind.

“chris?” she whispered, earning a small hum in response, “you really aren’t gonna tell me what you wished for earlier?”

he didn’t open his eyes, just placed his hand over hers on his chest, squeezing lightly.

“don’t worry ’bout it, angel,” he said. “’s already coming true.”

important: if you want to be on any of my taglists, please leave a comment on my taglist post. it’s how i keep track, and the best way for you to guarantee i won’t miss you! if i missed your username, name sure you’ve commented. if you have and i still didn’t catch it, send an ask! kisses <3

taglist: @stylessuperwhore @sofieeeeex @chrisslut04 @bluestriips @grace-sturnz @freshlyinlovewchris @landrysflannel @starsforu @letsstrippp @liasturniolo @bilssturns @slut4brunettes @r0set0y @httpssturns @miolos @mattsbabytomato @chrissturniolossidehoe @mattspinkyfinger @fbvreadingblog @larryleeroy-lobsterbob @tworosesblackthorn @moppishello @strnilolover @cutseylady @lov3bug @sturnsburna @chriss-slutt @i-love-matt-sturniolo @sturniolotoast @ellieluvssturniolos @jasmina4499 @surprisecurlyfriess @pip4444chris @matchacake-jpg @sturniolo1obsessed @darksturnz @alexturnersgooch @rinnzsturns-main @sedlackemily @lalaeden @elliexchris

#ᨀ☆⠇chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #christopher sturniolo fanfiction #christopher sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo angst #christopher sturniolo fluff #christopher sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fanfiction #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo angst #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo smut

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accidentcache · 5 months ago

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Building ikea furniture with touya??? Something I have gots to see. And maybe hawks in the background giving out “advice” and commenting a on the progress.

this could either be so silly or rage inducing

"touya," you palm is flat as you hand it out towards him, holding two pieces of the desk you were currently building together with the other hand, "give me that piece."

touya is currently trying to piece together micellaneous parts together, sitting just off to the side of you. almost like a child being given a toy to keep him occupied while you get the main meat of the work done yourself. after the shelf incident, you were releuctant to let him help you but he wanted to help so bad.

bonding time babe.

i need to work on the mobility in my hands, remember?

you can't keep doing everything for me, i've gotta learn to do some stuff on my own!

well, when you let him build the shelf by himself-- it fell apart the second you tried to put something on it. he kept telling you he really tried, but you weren't convinced.

so you had him hand you the pieces you needed while you put together the desk purchased for his 'office' at home. and quickly you realize that he and keigo had picked out the most difficult desk available at the ikea closest to where the three of you live. you've been cursing in your head for the past twenty minutes to never let those two go furniture shopping without you ever again.

you let go of the two pieces in your hand once you realize they aren't fitting where you think they're going to. they clatter to the floor and touya watches them, barely flinching before his eyes meet yours. "i don't think those go there," he offers, not helping in the slightest.

your eyes narrow. even though he looks cute right now-- his hair has gotten longer since leaving rehab so it hangs in his eyes and he finally let you tie it up in a little pony tail on the top of his head-- you continue to glare at him. "thank you," you say through gritted teeth.

touya smiles-- infuriatingly cute and smug at the same time-- and you turn your head away before he can win you over.

the door to the front of the house opens, keigo kicks the snow off his shoes at the mat by the door before he calls out. the door opening brings a small chill to the rest of the room for a brief moment before it dissipates-- an added warmth of a particular blonde spreading throughout the living room when he leans against the doorway.

a murmur of interest leaves keigo's lips at the sight of you two. touya sits cross legged, fiddling with small screws and nuts, swinging an allen wrench around his fingers with a small smirk spread onto his lips. you look frustrated.

a small grin spread onto his lips. "babe, those pieces don't go together."

your eyes roll back with an agitated growl. "i know!" you can't help but snap at him.

but keigo eggs you on further. he moves more into the room, kneeling to grab a slab of the wood, holding it to the barely put together mess of a desk that is just barely put together in front of you. "this goes here, dove," he teases. "and that piece," he drags a finger along the slab that you had just recently gotten attached, "is on wrong."

you scowl and toss the instructions at him. "you put it together then!"

keigo cackles and touya can't help but chuckle. both of them can't help the way their faces fall however when you stand from your spot however, huffing and muttering to yourself. suddenly they realize you're not going to help put the desk together anymore-- and that's when they both chase after you with apologies and pleas and sweet talk.

does it work? yes. it always does.

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celtrist · 8 months ago

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I'm not sorry for loving you~

Really doesn't need to involve the obsession au, but the au is what I had in mind. And maybe that song would work better with someone than Mimzy, but Mimzy is probably one of the more sane-ish? Characters in this AU.

So I have to admit, Mimzy was just one of those characters that slipped my mind when thinking of the obsession AU. Granted the docket of characters was very filled in the original piece, and despite the history of these two characters (both in-universe as well as their development history), their relationship whether romantic or platonic is incredibly overlooked. I feel like it's pretty common knowledge concerning Hazbin, but when I talk about the character's developments, I mean that they were originally a romantic couple. Despite this fact, Almimzy is an incredibly non-existent ship, and that makes sense. Alastor and Mimzy barely interacted in the official show, and while she was planned to be a guest, she wasn't really present in the pilot or anything. With so little content even when the official show came out, it's kinda no wonder but it's still a little surprising considering their old status as a couple.

Ah, but I'm rambling! Back on topic, I didn't think of Mimzy until I was asked about it (which as silly as it is, it was really neat to see people ask about this au!). So I've since thought a bit more and all that I've said in the ask is pretty much close to on point with how she acts. I do think, however, that considering she ALSO knew Alastor in life just as he had her, she would be slightly aware of... something being amiss with her feelings. Not insanely, she's just as bad and unaware as everyone else with the obsession she has over him. She just is able to remember her feelings on Earth and compare them to her current feelings and recognize that they're not exactly the same. The problem is that, she's Mimzy. She seems like the type who'd be in denial about something being wrong with her, but I feel like she'd recognize while not thinking too hard about it that the love she felt on Earth is seemingly altered in Hell. The line "I'm not sorry for loving you" feels really good for her here when considering most of everyone else around Alastor WOULD be sorry if they had a more clear mind about it. But Mimzy wouldn't be sorry about it because she always loved Alastor, even back on Earth (in this AU anyway)

Mimzy's obsession is unique in that, rather than doing anything to Alastor she does things to HERSELF to get to Alastor, she doesn't have as much to be guilty of compared to others in her actions due to the curse. She gets herself into trouble, makes herself sick, self-harms, and has probably threatened to kill herself to get his attention, which not great and all very manipulative, but she never forces Alastor to do anything and could be (I don't know if I'm settled on this idea yet) rooted in her own self-esteem concerning the self-harm stuff. And it works. Alastor is canonically close to Rosie, but he never knew her until Hell so in this AU, he doesn't know who the real Rosie is. He knows who the real Mimzy is though, and he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her. So ironically, the person who pushes themselves onto Alastor the least does probably get most of his attention.

I can imagine a scene like this where he's patching her up and they're talking and Mimzy brings up how she's perhaps confused with her own feelings considering how different they are from life. And I can just imagine Alastor feeling more ill at the idea of Mimzy having always loved him romantically but never saying anything if she confessed that, despite how crazy her feelings for him feel in Hell are, the feeling of love and wanting him in a way he doesn't reciprocate was always true since their time alive.

I'm just rambling, but like I said in the ask Mimzy is probably one of the more tragic cases of what the curse does to Alastor's relationships. She's also probably the closest Alastor can feel to having a true friend again, even if Mimzy is still pretty far from her actual self around him. But she's familiar and would probably be the biggest driving force for him to try and get rid of the curse (other than the obvious harassment). He enjoyed Rosie before she made him sick, and he enjoyed Vox before he revealed to be the absolute worst in his thoughts about what he wanted from and to do to Alastor, but Alastor only knew them in Hell. And as far as he's aware, the curse starts immediately, so he NEVER knew the real Rosie or Vox. But Mimzy was someone he knew and wanted to be real with again... and could pretend to be real with again given a few drinks.

#Celtrist #cel doodles #fanart #hazbin hotel #hellaverse #hazbin hotel fanart #hellaverse fanart #Hazbin Obsession AU #almimzy #not intended as ship #but can be seen as such #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel mimzy #hazbin mimzy #artists on tumblr

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mellowsadistic · 8 months ago

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Costume Changes - Part 1

Three college girls perform a childish prank on a woman’s house on Halloween, not realising the occupant is an actual witch. The girls are helpless to resist when she instructs them to come inside, and to their horror they find themselves being permanently altered by her magic.

***

“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” said Amber, glancing nervously at the front door of the house.

“Oh lighten up,” said Lucy, handing her a roll of toilet paper. “it’s just a bit of fun.”

“Yeah, don’t be such a downer,” said Candace, pausing her examination of her nails to accept a roll of toilet paper from Lucy herself. “TP’ing someone’s house is a Halloween staple.”

“But what if that woman comes out and catches us?” Amer asked anxiously, adjusting her glasses and glancing again at the front porch of the house. Fake cobwebs stretched between the wooden pillars, plastic bats hung down on strings, and numerous pumpkins were sat around on the ground, leering at them.

“We’ll be long gone before she realises what’s happened,” said Lucy, rolling her eyes impatiently. “Besides, what’s she gonna do? Chase after us? It’s her own fault for not giving us any candy. We did things properly, didn’t we? We said trick or treat, and if she won’t give us a treat, she gets a trick. That’s how it works.”

“Aren’t you three a little old for trick or treating?” Candace mocked, echoing what the woman in the witch’s outfit had told them when they’d knocked on her door. “I’d rather save these sweets for the kiddies. What a bitch!”

Lucy put her hands on her hips. She wore a devil costume with a red vinyl bodysuit, matching boots, and a horned hairband. “And now it’s time for a little Halloween justice,” she said, tossing back her sleek brown hair and smirking.

Amber fussed with the sensible cardigan and knee-length skirt of her librarian costume. “Alright,” she conceded. “I’m in.”

“Well now that Amber’s given us permission,” Candace said scornfully, “I guess we can start.” She was dressed in a flowing blue gown with a loose, revealing bodice. A very realistic crown sat in her golden hair.

“I was just saying-”

“Ugh, stop bickering!” Lucy snapped. “Let’s get on with this! When we’re done, we’ll head to the bar, okay? I could do with a drink, and warming up a little.” She shivered in the cool Autumn air. Her costume left her shoulders, arms, and most of her legs bare.

Lucy threw the first roll of toilet paper, looping it high over the squat tree in the woman’s front garden. Amber and Candace followed suit, covering the hedges and flowerbeds with toilet paper, some of which began to melt immediately on the damp leaves. They moved on to the house itself next, arming themselves from the plastic bag of toilet rolls they’d brought with them, and tossing them over the porch and up onto the tiled roof, leaving trails of increasingly soggy paper everywhere. Soon the three college students were giggling like schoolgirls. At least until the front door opened and light spilled out onto the lawn.

“Well, well, well, looks like I was wrong,” said the woman in the witch costume. “Maybe the three of you are just kiddies after all.”

“Run!” Lucy gasped. She could feel a giddy excitement bubbling up within her, and she let out a laugh. But it died in her throat almost instantly. Something was wrong. She’d tried to sprint away towards the street, but it was as if her legs were frozen in place. She couldn’t move! She looked around wildly and saw Amber and Candace in the same situation, both gawking at their feet in confusion.

“I don’t think so,” said the witch woman lightly. She let out a sweet, tinkling laugh that sent a shiver down Lucy’s spine. “My, my, look what a mess you’ve made!” Her eyes travelled over the garden, coming to rest on the place where Candace had stuffed a roll of toilet paper into a drain pipe. “What silly, messy girls you are!”

“What have you done to us?!” Lucy demanded. She tried her best to sound confident and calm, and not scared out of her wits, but her voice shook nonetheless. There was something freaky going on here. “Why can’t we move?!”

“Just a little freezing spell,” said the woman, gently. “I can’t have you running off, can I? Now let’s see, what do we have here…” She walked up to Lucy, whose heart was thumping rapidly in her chest. “A naughty little devil!” She examined the other girls. “A snobbish queen too. And a fussy librarian!” She laughed again, shaking her head. “No, no, no, I don’t think that’s right at all! Come inside, little ones. I have some costumes that will suit you much better.”

The witch woman turned around and walked back inside the house, and to her horror, Lucy found herself following after her. It was as though her body was on auto-pilot, acting totally without her permission. Amber and Candace followed too, and Lucy could see the expression of fear on Candace’s face, and the look of shock and disbelief on Amber’s.

“This isn’t possible,” Amber was whispering to herself. “This can’t be happening. She can’t be an actual witch…”

They crossed the threshold into the house, and the woman closed the door behind them. “Follow me, girls,” said happily, leading them on into the living room. Even on the inside, the house was covered in Halloween decorations, but otherwise it looked normal. Regular chairs and regular tables and regular wallpaper. No giant cauldrons or bloodstained pentagrams, no place they might be sacrificed or eaten alive. Still, just being out of control of her body was enough to frighten Lucy to her core.

“Halloween is my favourite night of the year,” said the witch, walking over to a large wooden chest that sat against the wall and kneeling down in front of it. She lifted the top, and a gold light emanated from within. Lucy, Amber, and Candace stood in a row watching her, glued to the spot. “It’s always fun seeing what people choose to dress as. I think it reflects something about our inner selves.” The girls exchanged frightened glances as the woman rooted around inside the chest. “But some people need a little help understanding who they really are.” The witch stood up and turned around, holding a bundle of clothes. “And that’s certainly true of you three.” She handed a sparkly pink mass to Candace. “That’s for you, sweetie. You’re not a queen, I’m afraid. Just an overgrown little princess.” She moved on to Amber, pushing something white and tartan into her arms. “And you might think you’re a big, smart librarian, young lady, but I know better. You might be in your twenties, but you’re not ready to be out of school just yet.” Then she reached Lucy, and she handed over something soft and silky and pure white. Lucy’s hands reached out to take it without her say-so. “A devil is completely the wrong costume for you, little one,” the witch said sweetly, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “I think you’re just an innocent little angel, aren’t you?”

Lucy looked down at the bundle she was holding. It was a wispy white dress, a pair of strap-on angel wings, and a fluffy halo attached to a hairband by a piece of wire. There was something else sitting on top, but for a moment she couldn’t comprehend what it was. Then the realisation came to her, and she felt her heart drop down into her stomach. Pull-ups. Soft and crinkly, with little flower designs for wetness indicators. A pair of Huggies pull-ups, just her size.

“For just-in-case,” said the witch, winking at her.

Lucy felt sick.

“But there’s nothing just-in-case about yours, is there, sweetie?” the witch cooed, looking over at Candace. Lucy followed the woman’s gaze and saw Candace looking stricken as she extracted something from the mass of pink frills she was holding. She unfurled it slowly and stared at it, horror-struck. “It’s only fitting for someone who clearly doesn’t know what toilet paper is for, don’t you think?” said the witch. “That will handle all your wees and poos.”

Candace blanched. She seemed unable to tear her eyes away from the enormous disposable diaper in her hands.

Lucy glanced at what Amber was holding. Resting on top of the tartan whatever-it-was was a pair of white panties with a My Little Pony design on the front. Amber was staring down at them intensely.

“Well come on, girls!” said the witch brightly, clapping her hands together twice. “Chop, chop! It’s time to change into your new outfits! Then we’ll see about some trick or treat candy!”

#mellowsadistic

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gentlehue · 9 days ago

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cynthia’s secrets: how to have the summer glowup of all time ˚୨୧⋆｡

hello and welcome to the first installation of cynthia’s secrets, a series where i’ll (hopefully) dive into all my knowledge regarding beauty, wellness & self-improvement 😚 as summer is upon us in the northern hemisphere, i’ve decided to begin this series with a simple guide on how to have an it girl worthy summer glowup!

before we begin, some things to keep in mind...

self-improvement is not a linear process! life happens all the time and even the most put together of people will have their ups and downs. the best thing you’ll do for yourself throughout this journey is to be gentle with yourself. not every day will be perfect, and thats okay :)

speak to yourself and about yourself with kindness throughout. our words hold a lot of power, and we attract what we believe to be true! the more you say its difficult and unattainable, the more difficult and unattainable it will become (shoutout my mom for drilling this into my head)

i am not a medical/psychological professional! just a girl whos been doing summer glowups for three years now. what works for me may not work for you, so feel free to modify as neccessary

the guide!

sit down with yourself and really think about the kind of person you’d like to be by the time summer's over. forget using other people as your idols or whatever (i personally find this has me set really unrealistic standards and makes it all more inauthentic) - this is about you. you may do this through a journal entry, or a pinterest board, or a spotify playlist, whatever works for you! by the end of it, you should have a clear vision of who the future version of yourself will be (because we are doing this! have full faith that you will be them by september)

embody them. this doesn’t have to happen on the spot, but start thinking and acting the way they would. give yourself a new name or wear a piece of jewellery that symbolises them, whatever helps put you in the zone of becoming that person (i highly recommend making a playlist with music that puts you in that zone). whenever you start feeling yourself slipping into old habits, think “what would they do?” this is important because putting them on a pedestal will make your glowup seem unattainable. in the end, this is you in 3 months’ time, and they had to have started somewhere!

come up with a few habits you could implement in your daily life that you think will bring you closer to actually being them. the important part here is not to overdo it and overwhelm yourself. you can start with 3 and add more once you feel you’ve mastered those! a good rule of thumb in my opinion is to do something for your body, something for your mind and something for your soul :) i’d also recommend using a habit tracker to be able to visualise your progress better, its super motivating!

forgive yourself the first couple times you fail. and all the times after that. this is crucial. the idea here is to build habits so that they become second nature to you by autumn, so failing every once in a while is totally normal and okay! just don’t give up and continue on with your journey to being the person you want to be (trust me, as someone who hates doing things shes bad at, i know its hard!!) soon, you’ll find yourself not even thinking about things you used to have to force yourself to do, and thats the beauty of it all

reflect throughout your journey. this sounds silly, but it makes things a lot easier for you. think about whats going right or wrong, and how you can improve. if you feel a habit isn’t aligning with you as well as you thought it would - alter it! these habits are meant to fit you, not the other way around

final notes

that's basically all it takes! a summer glowup is meant to be a fun, enjoyable journey to be on and so convoluting it too much or being too strict with yourself won't do you any good! i hope that this is helpful <3

ps. if you’d like a guide on a more physical glow up, let me know!! i realised by the end of writing this that that’s what some people might have meant by glow up

#self improvement #self love #wellness #glow up #it girl #that girl #becoming that girl #becoming her #clean girl #it girl energy #self care #girlblogging #dream life #this is a girlblog #cynthias secrets

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cryptidghostgirl · 1 year ago

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Lovely (Lucifer x Reader)

Pairing: Lucifer x Reader

Description: Lucifer had heard rumor of the demon with the ability to alter people's memories. Y/n was a marvel and he had her wrapped right around his pinky.

Warnings: Same angst, new target.

Word Count: 1,631

Master Lists:

Master Lists

Hazbin Hotel Master List

A/N This fic is inspired by Spud Cannon's song Lovely. Also don't mind me and my silly little Latin obsessed brain (Lucifer translates to light bringer and is a combination of the latin verb ferre, to bring, and lux, light. I fuck around with that in this.)

That was what had drawn her to him first: the elegance. Lucifer was a graceful man, a beautiful man, a terribly sad person. In retrospect, that should have been Y/n's sign to take a step back but, it is always so difficult to find the right path in the moment. He had seemed so utterly heartbroken, because, as she now knew, he was so utterly heartbroken, and Y/n had thought: maybe I can help?

Her motivations had just been that at first, helping. It wasn't her fault that he was charming and funny and did things that made her want to be more than friends with him with such alarming regularity that it felt like her life was the worst rollercoaster at an amusement park. The one with eight billion sharp turns and uncomfortable seats that left rider's tailbones bruised. It was almost too much to bear.

Lucifer had heard rumors of the demon who had been gifted with the ability to alter people's memories. It had never been gossip that had interested him much until Lilith had left. Suddenly, his mind had felt like a curse. In the throws of despair, he had looked for her, hunted her down. It hadn't take long, he was Lucifer after all. When he was the one asking the questions, few dared to defy.

The shop was a hole in the wall, drenched in the smell of incense and covered in crystals and other odd objects of curiosity. Lucifer could've sworn he recognized the imp horns on the wall but, ignored it. He was there for a reason and asking questions like that were not the path to his end goal.

The demon herself, the famed mystery, was statuesque. She had sat her table in the back of the shop, draped in jewelry made of bones and gold. She had gifted him the first session free of charge.

In order to keep the pain at bay, Lucifer had been required to come to her shop at least once a month. Y/n was a comfort to him, he associated her with the feeling of relief. The two became fast friends.

"Light bringer." she would beckon him in with a smile, "Still counting those forget-me-nots?"

She spoke to him in Latin, in his first eternal language. She weaved images in the air with the smoke from her fires. She was amazing, a miracle worker. Lucifer was grateful for her, for her skill.

Y/n knew the truth behind it. She tried to ignore it, tried to still her raging heart. She knew it was doomed, had seen with her own eyes the way he was still so in love with someone else. Still, when he had asked her on that first date, a year into them knowing one another, she hadn't been able to bring herself to refuse. He had been so sweet, so earnest, so cheesy. He had asked her to be his and she had told him the truth: she already was.

It was a constant state of denial, one big, overwhelming lie she convinced herself was true. In the beginning, Lucifer had been a doting partner. He surprised her with flowers, he always tried to make her smile. It had all stopped the day she had told him she couldn't use her gift on him anymore.

"Why not?" he has asked, alarmed.

"Because, Ferende Lucem (man bringing light), it's not healthy. I can't make things go away forever, just hide them. You still need to deal with them eventually."

Y/n had thought it was time, had figured that two years of dating and three years of knowing one another would be enough. She had been wrong. Lucifer had ceased in his affections in all but name. No longer was she whisked away to the palace, no longer did she wake to one of his creations on her bedside table.

After about a month, she had decided to take things into her own hands. She refused to recede into the gaps he was creating, refused to just let this all go. Y/n loved him, truly. She wouldn't let the love die without a fight.

The palace guards knew her well, had let her in without question. After some searching, Y/n had found Lucifer locked away in his office. The place smelled of despair. He didn't turn from his empty desk at the sound of the door opening.

"Light Bringer." Y/n hummed softly, rapping a knuckle on the already open door, "Counting your forget-me-not's?"

She hadn't asked him that in years, not since before they had gotten together. He lifted his head from his hands, looking over his shoulder just the slightest bit.

"Malefica (witch)." he replied, his voice low and hollow.

Y/n smiled softly at the pet name and entered the room, letting the door stand open in her wake. She approached him, wrapping her arms around his tired shoulders and pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

"Please." Lucifer's voice cracked, "Please take them from me. It's too much, they're too heavy."

Y/n didn't reply, simply nestling her chin into his hair.

"Y/n, please."

"You know I can't do that." she sighed, "It's not healthy."

"This is what is not healthy."

Y/n let go of him and turned his chair so they faced one another. She kneeled down on the ground before him, clasping his hands in her own. His eyes were ringed with red. In that moment, they weren't a fallen angel and a demon, they were just two people. Two people in love and two people housing broken hearts they lied to themselves to stitch back together.

"Lucifer." her eyes searched his face.

It was rare she called him by his true name. The gravity of the moment clung to their skin.

"Lucifer, what am I to you?"

He looked away. Y/n sighed, her heart cracking straight down the middle within the confines of her chest.

"Can I..." she cleared her throat, steeling her nerves, "Am I ever going to be what you're looking for?"

Lucifer's eyes snapped back to Y/n.

"You are what I'm looking for." he insisted, taking his trembling hands from hers and cupping them gently around her face, "You, Y/n, are my sweet little magician, my salve."

"My magic is, you mean."

Lucifer had always been a terrible liar. It was one of the things Y/n loved about him, the way the truth bubbled to the surface of his being. Right now, she wished he could be the best liar on the planet, the best in all of Hell. Right now, she wished she could've been born blind.

Y/n got to her feet, Lucifer's hands hanging in the air where they had held her last. There was no more running, no more hiding from the truth. This was the precipice, the breaking point, the fall.

"You're my salve." he repeated again, his voice soft and sounding like he was trying to convince himself of the fact as much as he was trying to get through to her.

"Don't lie to me." Y/n demanded, tears pressing behind her eyes, "Don't. Just... just don't."

Oh how she wished she could turn back time, set the clocks to zero.

"You never loved me, did you?"

The question hung unanswered in the air. Y/n had known it for a long time, had known it since the beginning to be perfectly honest but saying it out loud made it all the more real. She was dazed, spinning, out of control.

"You don't love me."

"I wish I could. I'm..."

Y/n scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and holding back tears. She looked away.

"I'm sorry."

"I'll see myself out, I guess."

She hoped he'd call out for her, run after her into the hallway, ask if they could try again could start over. Of course Lucifer did no such thing.

For all the things she had helped her clients forget over the years, Y/n understood them even more now than she ever had before. It was complicated. Now she was going to have to reshape her life. If she ever saw him in the street, it would be her duty to pretend she didn't know him. The memories spawned the terror of potential futures, dreams where things worked out, where everything was okay. They sent her mind reeling.

She had known, all along she had feared the worst and feared confirmation of her knowledge. That was the worst part, it hadn't even been a surprise. It had simply been just that, a confirmation of the truth.

The world caved in around her as she walked home, houses and shops and people all blurring together into something undistinguished and undefinable.

Lovely, that's what he was. In all his misfortune, in all his despair, in all his grace. Lovely but oh god, oh god he didn't love her. Not the way she wanted him to. Not the way she loved him.

Y/n pulled the curtains shut to her little shop, moving methodically and without thought. She sat down at the table in the back, before the pot of incense. She lit it.

Not once in all her years had she ever tried to do use her magic on herself. It seemed like a line in the sand, something utterly forbidden. Y/n shut her eyes.

When she reopened them, the world felt different. Time had passed, she could tell it had but her mind refused to give shape to the years.

"So this is what it must feel like." she mumbled aloud, noticing the remnants of her ritual spread out on the table before her, "I wonder what happened."

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