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didsomeonesaydaddydraco · 4 years

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It’s just a bad day... » Tom Felton imagine

Request: yes! @lindsayfosselman93

Word count: 2,037

Pairing: Tom Felton x reader

Note: I just hope you guys will like this. xx

“Hey, Y/N” my coworker called after me, just as I was about to leave my office “A couple of us are heading out to grab a drink or two at Casey’s. Do you want to join us?”

I looked at my phone to check the time. It was a Friday afternoon, and our boss said we could leave an hour earlier than usual, knowing that we had a very though week behind us, and all of us deserved a little rest after all.

“Yeah, sure” I smiled at her and grabbed my bag from my desk “But I’m driving, so no alcohol for me today”

“Alright” she linked her arm with mine and dragged me with her, talking about how hot her new intern was. I liked Beth. She was my mentor when I first started at the PR agency, and helped me with everything I needed. She was very open minded, and loved to ask me about England, and she really enjoyed listening to me, mostly because of my British accent. She found it fascinating “So, how’s your boo?”

I laughed at her nickname for my fiancé. They had met before, and a love-hate friendship was immediately formed between them. Beth hated that I skipped a lot of end of the week pub hopping with them to go home to Tom, but loved to hear everything about our travelling stories and the romantic things he had done just to make me happy. And Tom hated that Beth would show up at our home unannounced, and babbled about her terrible dating life, and how much she already wanted to be married. These occasions usually turned into a sleepover, because she had too much wine, and wasn’t able to drive back home. But at the same time he loved the idea of me having a good friend at work. And I knew, that deep inside, he would have helped her if she needed it.

“He’s working on a new movie, so he is quite busy” I smiled at her and opened my car “He was up pretty late last night just to learn his lines” I frowned at the memory. He came to bed almost at the same time I had to wake up to get ready for work. He looked quite annoyed and even sad. I was thinking about him, hoping he was in a better mood and slept enough. I hated how much he pushed himself sometimes. He wanted his act to be perfect, to give his best to the project he was working on and satisfy not just his fans, but himself as well. He tended to be hard on himself.

The pub was quite crowded when we arrived. We weren’t the only people in Los Angeles, who wanted to kick back a bit at the end of the week. Group of friends were playing billiard or were just chatting over a table with beers and wine glasses in their hands. Here and there were couples, maybe on a date. I smiled at a few familiar faces from either work, or at those who were frequent guests at Casey’s and sometimes joined us for a drinking game or just to chat.

“So guess who’s being a baby and won’t drink today with us?” I rolled my eyes at Beth’s childish behaviour, but I couldn't hide my smile “Nah, just joking. Y/N’s only being a responsible adult here, and is actually driving”

We sat down to our usual table where some of our coworkers were already seated and were sipping on their first drink. I ordered myself a virgin Cosmopolitan and listened to one of our new intern’s story about how one of his professors was caught with his TA. I was sipping on my drink when my phone lit up in front of me. Because of the bad service in the pub, I didn’t get the notifications right away, so I didn’t see Tom’s messages.

“Baby? What time are you coming home?”

“Are you alright? I thought you were coming home earlier..”

“Y/N???”

“Babe, I need you. I’m having a very bad day…”

I quickly texted him back that I was only out with a couple of friends from work but I was just leaving. I was worried. Tom wasn’t the double texting or multiple texting type of guy. He only acted like this, if it was important or he wasn’t feeling well.

“Sorry guys, as much as I love to hang out with you, I really need to leave” I stood up and said my final goodbyes to them, not giving them a chance to ask me about my sudden leave-taking. Before I left to go home, I stopped by a grocery store to buy the ingredients for Tom’s favourite comfort food.

I could see Willow’s cute face at the window when I pulled up to the driveway. She was jumping up and down when she saw me getting out of the car and walking up to the front door. I swear that dog was half a dog, half a kangaroo.

“Love, I’m home” I called for Tom when I stepped in the hall and kicked off my high heels, which were killing my feet all day. I went to the kitchen and put down the grocery bags, before I kneeled down to pat Willow and give her a few kisses “Where’s Daddy? Can you show me?”

“Woof” she probably had no idea what I was asking her, but the fact that she hardly left Tom’s side came to my benefit, because she ran to Tom’s office. I followed her there, and of course he was there. He was laying on his sofa, the script for his new movie on his chest. The wrinkles of the pages told me he was close to tear the whole thing up and throw it away. He was asleep, but the frown from being frustrated was still on his face.

“My love” I sat at the very edge of the sofa and pushed his hair out of his face softly “I’m home” I kissed his forehead and caressed his cheek carefully. I didn’t want to scare him.

“Hey” he murmured and pulled me on to his chest. His hands hold me close and Tom buried his face in my neck. I planted plenty of small kisses into his hair and hold him just as tight “I’m having the worst day of my life”

I laughed at him a bit. He could be a little bit overdramatic, when things weren’t going the way he planned. “Mind telling me why it is such a bad day?”

And he did. He told me that because of the lack of sleep he has been having caused him to wake up with a terrible headache this morning, and no matter how much he tried and practised, it seemed like he couldn’t memorise his lines. And when he finally gave up on learning those, he wanted to interact with his fans, but came across with a lot of hate, which led him to ask himself, if he really was good enough of an actor.

I listened to him. Sinking in every single word that left his mouth, and played with his hair the whole time to keep him calm, and to show him I was now there for him, and was ready to do anything just to make him feel better. He was feeling very down, and it made me sad how his self-esteem shrunk down because of what some mean people and the media was writing about him, without knowing him at all.

“Darling” I said softly “Did you really have a bad day or did you have 20 minutes where you let your thought run undisciplined which led you to a bad vibe that you let carry you away?”

“What do you mean?” He looked at me confused.

“I let you think about this” I kissed his neck softly, which made him laugh a tiny bit. I knew how ticklish his neck was, and loved and hated it at the same time, when I blow on it or kissed it. It was good to hear his laugh. It was so contagious. So to make him laugh again, I started to kiss it rapidly and blow on it, while I caressed the back of his neck with my fingertips to tickle him even more.

“Stop, please” he laughed loudly and tried to push me away “C’mon darling, I’m going to pee myself at the age of 33 if you don’t stop” he begged me but never let go of me. I looked at him and kissed his lips with everything I had. I wanted this man to know how much I loved him. I wanted to show him that no matter what those people out there say about him. They didn’t know who Tom Andew Felton really was. They were cowards, using the power of social media. I pity them. How miserable their life must have been that the only thing that made them feel better or happy was hating on someone they didn’t even know personally?

“I’ll let you to think about what I just said” I stood up from him “Meanwhile you do your homework, I’ll make dinner. Come downstair when you are ready. Alright?”

“I love you” his voice was smooth. I adored how he said those words. They were pure, honest and filled with love and lust. I left him alone. I knew he needed it. He had to go through his whole day in a different point of view. He had to think if it was really worth it. Letting hate and a rough day ruin his good mood. Before I started on dinner, I changed into one of his tie dye hoodies and let my hair out of the ponytail.

Tom came downstair just at the right time. I already sat the table, and was getting the food out of the oven when he came up behind me, and sneaked his arms around my waist, kissing the side of my neck lovingly.

“You made casseroles” I could tell by his voice that he was smiling “It smells delicious” he sniffed into my hair “You smell delicious too” he playfully bit on my shoulder and squeezed my waist.

“Someone’s in a better mood” I sing sang and put the tray down on the table.

“Yeah” he nodded and sat down “Thank you. I really need that to see the whole thing in a different view. Sometimes I tend to let my bad mood to take over my mind and I act unrealistically”

I placed my hand on his and gave him a reassuring smile. During dinner, he told me about how his day was, apart from the bad part. Tom told me how happy he was when Oliver Phelps texted him and asked if he wanted to be on their podcast the next week, and how they already made plans about a golf marathon as soon as it was possible for him to take off a few days from shooting. He even mentioned a few days trip to somewhere nice, just him, Willow and I, because we both had been very busy with our own jobs. He felt like we couldn’t spend enough quality time together, and we really needed it. I just looked at him, and adored the man sitting in front of me. At our dinner table, in our home. All these years together, and it still amazed me, that he chose me to be by his side for the rest of his life. He was honestly the most beautiful man I had ever met and I was more than ready to make him the happiest as possible.

“I really can’t wait for you to put me in my place and treat me just like you did today for the rest of our lives” Tom hugged me from behind when we were getting ready to go to sleep. He played with my ring on my finger and smiled at me throughout the reflection of the mirror on my vanity table “Mrs. Y/N Felton. It still sound perfect to me.”

#Tom Felton #tom felton fanfic #imagine tom felton #tom felton imagine #tom felton x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter cast #harry potter cast imagines #Draco Malfoy #daddy draco #Draco #draco fanfiction #draco x reader

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aomine-ryo · 4 years

Note

I just got my braces off about 4 days ago and idk if I like how I look yet cause of my confidence issues but could you do Aomine, Taiga, Murasakibara, Wakamatsu and maybe Haikzaki comforting their S/O I also use she/her pronouns! Thanks luv :) I hope you had a great Christmas if you celebrate if not a great 25th!

Oh god it’s been over a month since Christmas,, I’ve been so awful at posting I’m sorry!! For the record though, my Christmas was quite nice 😂 Anyways, I really wasn’t too sure while I was writing this but I hope you like it!!

Scenario: Kagami, Aomine, Murasakibara, Wakamatsu and Haizaki comforting their s/o

Didn’t find myself needing to use any pronouns here so I think anyone can read it!

Kagami

When it comes to being boyfriend— no, husband material, Kagami takes the cake. He’s so sweet and thoughtful towards you that you knew you could always go to him about anything. But sometimes there are things that afraid to talk to even him about because of your own insecurities.

Any kind of change tends to overwhelm you, especially if it had to do with your appearance— which is probably why you hated haircuts even if it was just a trim. However, this wasn’t just an issue of haircuts. You finally got your braces off.

Whilst you were a bit excited about it at first, once it was done you weren’t too sure about it anymore. Of course, you got a lot of comments about it when you went to school the next day, though most of the time it was just a statement rather than a proper compliment. “Oh Y/N, you got your braces off! Cool.” And that was about it.

You hated the attention, especially because you weren’t sure about the way it looked yourself. So you kept your talking to a minimum that day.

When school was over, you met Kagami outside the gate so that you could walk home together like you usually would. You quickly realised that it was inevitable that you had to talk to him.

“Hey babe, how was your day?” He beamed, patting your head as a way of greeting you as if you were a puppy.

“It was okay,” you mumbled.

Kagami furrowed his brows and looked at you again, trying to read your expressions to see if he missed anything that gave away any bad mood. “Doesn’t sound okay. Why are you talking like that?”

“It’s not—“

“Ooh you got your braces taken off! Lemme see,” Kagami said excitedly as you let out a groan.

“No, it looks weird,” you whined as you covered your mouth with your hand.

“I doubt it. Come on, you’re going to have to show me eventually,” Kagami pleaded as you kept walking and trying to act like it wasn’t bothering you.

You just shook your head no as you continued walking while Kagami trailed behind you.

“So are you just never gonna talk to me?” Kagami sighed.

You shrugged in response.

“Hm, I guess that means no more kisses,” Kagami said. You knew what he was trying to do, and you weren’t going to fall for it. So you just remained silent. “I think I won’t have you try any more of the food I make either then— you’d probably have to open your mouth to do that after all,” he provoked. Your stand wavered for a moment at the thought of that, but you knew he wasn’t serious so you continued to leave your lips sealed. “Wait, this means I could talk to you about anything! Let’s talk about basketball,” he said with a smirk— there was no way you were going to let this slide.

You loved Kagami with all your heart, and you loved listening to him talk about the things he was passionate about. However, when it came to basketball, the boy could talk for hours and still not run out of things to say. It also often ended with him forcing you to play a one-on-one with him because all the talking got him worked up.

You were still determined not to open your mouth though. You certainly weren’t all for the change so what if he ended up hating it too?

Kagami knew what he was doing. And you were painfully aware of that when the first thing he started talking about was a one-on-one he played with Aomine. He’d played so many games with him that every recount of events sounded the exact same to you. “...And I go for the dunk, and guess what he does?”

“He blocks it,” both of you said in unison as you started to chuckle.

A soft grin fell upon Kagami’s face as his heart warmed up at the sight of your smile. “How’d you know?” he said, his voice softening after going on his tangent.

“Because that’s what always happens,” you laughed.

Kagami dropped his jaw, pretending to be offended as his hand dramatically reached for his chest, “So you think Aomine is better than me now? I’m devastated,” he shook his head, though he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face even if he tried.

“Now you’re just putting words in my mouth,” you said, finally simmering down from your fit of giggles.

Kagami went silent for a moment. You looked up at him and found him just staring at you with the dorkiest smile ever.

“What?” You chuckled.

“See, I knew that your smile would look gorgeous no matter what,” he said, not taking his eyes off of you for even a second.

You hadn’t even realised until then that you’d forgotten about your worries of what you looked like. You really didn’t know how he did it; how he made you feel comfortable without even having to try. Just like that, the colour rose in your cheeks as you averted your gaze. “Stop it,” you blushed.

“What? I’m just stating a fact,” he shrugged, swinging an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to his warm body as you walked, making you stumble slightly. “You’ll always look stunning to me,” he said so softly that it was like it was only the two of you in this little world and no one else.

At this point, there was nowhere else you could look except into his eyes, and all you saw was love and sincerity. And suddenly, you didn’t mind beaming the brightest smile your face could muster, because in this little world of yours, the only person that mattered would do nothing but make you feel beautiful and loved.

Aomine

It wasn’t like you to skip school over absolutely nothing, but you felt like you would rather die than get any attention for having your braces taken off. It was inevitable that you had to go to school at some point, but you just decided to not go for at least a day to get yourself used to the change.

Of course, your boyfriend, Aomine wasn’t the most pleased when he went to school that day and found out that you were absent. What you weren’t expecting, however, was for him to be at your doorstep after school was over. In hindsight, you should’ve known that he would use visiting you as an excuse to not attend practice.

“Hey, is everything alright? You weren’t at school today,” Aomine questioned once you opened the door and let him in.

“Mhmm,” you hummed with a slight nod.

“You know, a text would’ve been nice. I spent all of recess looking for you and then Satsuki told me you weren’t at school,” he explained with a heavy sigh, “It was exhausting.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled, causing him to look your way with a confused expression.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again.

You nodded in response, not wanting to open your mouth.

“Are you not going to ask me why I skipped practice?”

You shook your head no.

“Well, if you must know,” Aomine went on anyway, “I came here to check up on you. But seems to me like you don’t want to talk to me today.”

You didn’t respond, causing Aomine to get even more worried.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked softly.

You shook your head almost immediately.

“Then why won’t you talk to me?” Aomine said, tilting his head to the side to meet your gaze, though you immediately looked away.

“It’s nothing, I just don’t look that good today,” you mumbled, making sure to turn your head away from him so he couldn’t see your face.

“Hm? Is that so?” Aomine said, looking you up and down with furrowed brows. “You look beautiful as always to me.”

You let out a heavy sigh. He was going to find out anyway. “I got my braces taken out yesterday,” you said.

Aomine’s eyes lit up immediately as he looked at you expectantly, as though you were supposed to flash him a smile and show off your teeth like it was nothing. And honestly, if you had the confidence you would’ve, but you didn’t. “Well, are you going to show me or not?” Aomine asked.

You shook your head yet again.

Aomine frowned as he got closer to you. “Why not?”

“Because it looks weird,” you muttered as your eyes stared at the floor.

Aomine’s fingers brushed through your hair before reaching to your face to caress your cheek lovingly, making you melt instantly at his touch. “I don’t think you’re even capable of such a thing. You’re always gorgeous,” he said softly.

“No I’m not,” you mumbled, trying not to be swayed by the tenderness of his calloused fingers.

“Of course you are,” he said as his hand made its way down to your chin to tilt it up so you were looking up into his eyes. “You know, whenever I look at you my immediate thought is ‘Woah how’d I get so lucky?’”

“You’re just saying that,” you blushed, trying to fight back the smile that was creeping across your face. He was so close to you and your heart was racing at 100 miles per hour.

“I’m serious,” he said, unable to stop smiling himself at they way you were just putty in his hands. “Your smile is so much brighter without the braces by the way. I love it,” he added smoothly, making you want to giggle like an idiot.

“Really?”

“Of course, you dummy. I can’t even believe you were worried about that in the first place. You’re beautiful no matter what,” Aomine said. “You know that I’ll never stop thinking of you that way right?”

For a moment you stopped worrying about what you looked like and let yourself relax into a smile. Something about the softness of his voice and the way he held you close made you feel at ease— almost as if you could finally be your true self as you nodded in response. “Yeah, I know,” you said as you finally looked at him in the eye before he finally leaned in and gave you the kiss you’d been anticipating for minutes. And when his lips finally brushed against yours you could feel nothing but gratitude for having someone like him to remind you that everything will be okay.

Murasakibara

Murasakibara liked to come over a lot. When you first started dating you expected it to happen since his house was just down the street, but it was to the point where he practically lived with you. You didn’t mind at all though, you liked having him around. Your parents seemed to enjoy it too— especially since he offers to cook meals when he gets hungry, which saves your mother the effort.

However, with him always being over, it was hard to keep things hidden from him. Of course, both of you knew when to give each other space, but any changes to your physical appearance would be near impossible to hide— unfortunately for you.

When you got back home from your dentist appointment, where you finally had your braces taken out, you barely had much time to settle in when you got a call from Murasakibara. “Hey, I’m bored. Are you back from the dentist yet?” he spoke.

“Yeah I am, but—“

“Great, I’ll be over in a few minutes,” he said before you could protest. The happiness you could hear in his voice certainly didn’t make you want to turn him down either.

Just like that, the phone call ended and you let out a heavy sigh as you looked at yourself in the mirror. You’d been standing there for a few minutes prior to the call, trying to figure out how you felt about your new look. Whilst the braces caused you enough issues on their own, you’d become so accustomed to them that it was strange looking at yourself now. If you thought it looked weird, you couldn’t help but wonder what other people would think, thus sending you down a spiral of insecure thoughts all over again as Murasakibara’s arrival made you more and more nervous.

You knew Murasakibara couldn’t care less about anyone’s appearance. In fact, he didn’t even notice that time where Kise showed up to a get together with purple hair from accidentally using his sister’s purple shampoo until Aomine made fun of him for it. So realistically, you shouldn’t have been worried about what Murasakibara would think— but you still were.

You often tend to get really quiet when you’re anxious and the fact that your insecurities had to do with your teeth this time, it was all the more reason to just keep your mouth shut.

“Hey Y/N-chin,” Murasakibara greeted with a soft smile when you opened the front door for him. “I was going to get you some snacks, but then I remembered that you just went to the dentist so I got you some of that fruit juice you like,” he said, digging through his bag of snacks before pulling out a can and handing it to you.

“Thank you, that’s really sweet,” you said softly, happily taking the juice.

“Don’t mention it,” he said coolly as he planted a kiss on the top of your head before walking to your room with you trailing behind him.

As usual, Murasakibara plopped down onto your bed as if it were his own, letting out a tired sigh as he did so. “You know, while you were gone, I tried doing the math homework for the weekend, and it was the worst experience ever. I couldn’t even get past the second question,” he said, making you let out a small chuckle.

He was so open with you that it made you feel at ease. “Well at least you did the first one,” you shrugged, forcing back your toothy grin when you noticed him direct his gaze at you.

“Yeah, but I probably got that one wrong too,” he sighed before sitting up with his back against your headboard. “Anyways, how was the dentist?”

“It was okay,” you mumbled.

“Then show me your teeth,” he said, not particularly expectant of anything though there was a trace of interest as he absentmindedly munched on his chips.

“I don’t know, it looks really weird...”

Murasakibara’s eyebrows furrowed. “Weird? They’re just teeth,” he said simply.

“Well yeah, but, I don’t know,” you said, trying to find a way to respond to his statement. You forced a smile to show him your teeth before frowning again, “See? Doesn’t it make my face look weird?”

“No, you still look pretty to me,” he shrugged.

As sweet as that was, you still weren’t convinced. You found yourself staring at yourself in the mirror once again, picking yourself apart as you tried to decide whether you liked it or not. The more time you spent in front of that mirror, the more frustrated you got. And Murasakibara seemed to notice it through the agitated and hopeless look on your face.

You noticed Murasakibara get up from the corner of your eye, though you didn’t pay too much attention to it. Next thing you knew, you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist from behind you. You watched Murasakibara in the mirror as he rested his chin on your head.

“Y/N-chin, you look perfect. There’s no need for you to criticise yourself in the mirror like this, you know,” Murasakibara mumbled, unable to keep his eyes off of the gorgeousness of your reflection.

“I’m just trying to get used to it, that’s all,” you said, in what was a half-lie.

“I don’t think people frown that much when they’re getting used to something,” Murasakibara said. He leaned down and tilted his head to smother your cheek and neck with kisses as he held you tight. “You’re beautiful— I mean it,” he said against your neck.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach. Murasakibara was always one to speak his mind, so any compliments from him you knew were 100% genuine. Of course, the kisses definitely helped you sway your opinion about yourself as you began to giggle at the feel of his breath against your neck. “Atsushi, that tickles,” you laughed as you tried to move your neck away, however you were held captive by tight grip around you.

Murasakibara smiled as he watched how the expression on your face changes. He was glad that he was able to take your mind off of things for a moment. “You have a cute smile,” he said softly, making your cheeks flush a bright red.

You immediately looked away in embarrassment as a dorky grin spread across your face. “Shut up.”

“Well, are you finally going to pay some attention to me rather than your mirror? I came all the way here you know, the least I could get is some cuddles,” Murasakibara went on.

“All the way here? Atsushi, you just crossed the street,” you laughed.

“I don’t see you point. So am I getting cuddles or not?”

“Of course.”

Wakamatsu

Wakamatsu is seriously one of the most caring boyfriends ever. You wouldn’t be able to find someone as sweet and loving as he was even if you tried your absolute hardest. You were nothing but grateful for having someone like him because you hardly ever found yourself worrying about trivial things that would constantly bug you previously.

But like any other person, you had moments where your insecurities would get the best of you, and it could be quite tolling sometimes because you’d never let yourself bring it up with the people you were close with. It was quite a silly way of thinking because Wakamatsu was always more than happy to listen, but you couldn’t help it. That’s just how your brain decided to deal with things.

So when you finally got your braces taken off, you were naturally unsure about how you appeared. Of course, you were aware that you just needed to get used to it, but a smaller, though much louder part of you was extremely anxious about having judging eyes on you thinking that you looked as strange as you perceived yourself to be. Therefore, to avoid any questions or weird looks at school the next day, you decided to wear a mask and pretend you had a cold so no one would see your mouth.

When Wakamatsu came over that morning so that you could walk to school together like you usually would, he immediately went into concerned-mode upon seeing your mask. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why do you have a mask on?” he asked.

“Oh um, I’m not feeling too well. It’s nothing serious though. Just don’t wanna get anyone else sick,” you lied.

“Are you sure? Maybe you should just stay home and get some rest. You can copy my notes,” he said, his concern so genuine that it was like he was mothering you at that point.

He was too sweet. You couldn’t just lie to him when he was just trying to be helpful. “No, no it’s fine,” you said, trying to muster up the courage to tell him the truth.

“No, I insist. You have to take care of yourself—“

“I’m not actually sick,” you finally admitted. “I got my braces taken off yesterday and I don’t like how I look,” you mumbled, staring at the floor out of embarrassment.

“Oh,” Wakamatsu simmered down from his insisting and processed what you’d just said. And honestly, if he were to take the time to fully understand why you said that, you’d be standing there all day because he couldn’t even fathom the idea of you looking anything but amazing to him.

“Yeah, so can we just head to school now?” you said to fill the silence, not wanting to be late.

“Um, I’m not going to ask you to show me or anything because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Wakamatsu started again as you two walked along the driveway, “but I think you’re probably overreacting.”

“Maybe,” you shrugged. “Either way, I don’t like how I look and I don’t want other people to see me until I’ve decided that I do.”

“I guess that’s fair,” he sighed. “I just hope you know that I think you’re always really pretty.”

“Really?” you asked softly as you looked up at him again, the sudden eye contact causing him to get more flustered.

“Of course. You’re absolutely gorgeous Y/N. And I bet if you took that mask off that fact would not change,” Wakamatsu confirmed as he smoothly took your hand in his and squeezed it tight as you walked along the pavement.

You began to soften up for a moment. It was almost as if the warmth of his hand had made its way throughout your entire body, making you feel all fuzzy. However, you still weren’t ready to display your new look to everyone at school, even after the boost of confidence Wakamatsu had given you. So you kept the mask on that day.

Your boyfriend was very patient with you. It was one of things you loved about him. Even after he reassured you that you would look good no matter what, you never felt even an ounce of pressure to show him until you were truly comfortable— and he certainly didn’t mind waiting. Luckily for him, his wait wasn’t too long because you did end up showing him during lunchtime.

The two of you sat at your usual place— a bench that was fairly secluded— as you unwrapped your purchases of snacks from the canteen. You really appreciated how he didn’t bring up your braces again after you chat that morning. He was so normal around you that being with him just made it feel as good as any other day, which is probably what led you to forget about it altogether when you took off your mask to take a bite out of your sandwich.

Wakamatsu looked at you with a smile on his face, which you didn’t question too much because he had a tendency to do that every now and then. However, they remained fixated on you for a while as you swallowed your food and began to chuckle, “Why are you smiling at me like that?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just happy because I’m always right,” Wakamatsu shrugged smugly.

“What?”

“I was right— you always look absolutely gorgeous,” he said nonchalantly as you were immediately reminded about your braces-free teeth, making your face heat up at the compliment.

You weren’t sure what it was about that moment where your eyes met and lips shared the same happy smiles, but you felt at ease. Wakamatsu really didn’t have to try to comfort you— all he had to do was be there and it was enough. But he didn’t ever think like that. He constantly went out of his way to make sure you were happy and comfortable at all times. And when you weren’t, it was pretty much guaranteed that he wouldn’t leave your side until you saw yourself with the same amount of admiration as he sees you.

And whilst by the end of the school day you had more or less regained some of your confidence, Wakamatsu still decided to spend more time with you at your house, where he smothered you with warm cuddles and soft kisses, all while reminding you how beautiful you were to him.

Haizaki

If you think that Haizaki isn’t exactly the best at comforting, well, you’d kind of be right. He’s not someone that takes things seriously most of the time so his solution to most problems tends to have the “it is what it is” mentality. You didn’t mind this too much though, in fact you liked how laid back he was, however that also made it a bit difficult for you to approach him about certain things that made you feel insecure.

He was a caring boyfriend, don’t get me wrong; he truly did love you. And sometimes you did agree with him about letting things be the way they are. But sometimes he just doesn’t understand why you feel a certain way because the situation seems so trivial to him. For example, when you finally got your braces taken off, you weren’t exactly feeling the most confident. Sure, it was nice to finally get that damn metal wire out of your mouth, but at the same time, the change was quite overwhelming.

Of course, Haizaki, who spends an awful lot of time texting you because he really has nothing else to do, knew about you getting them taken off before he saw you again at school the next day. However, you weren’t all that excited to show him, or anyone for that matter, because you really hadn’t gained the confidence back yet. Nevertheless, you went on with your day, doing your best to minimise your speaking so others wouldn’t notice the change.

Once it was time for lunch, Haizaki approached your desk, his eyes as tired as they always were during the school day. “God, I slept through that entire English class— what a bore,” he yawned.

“It wouldn’t hurt to pay attention once in a while, you know,” you said as you shoved your books into your backpack.

“Anyway,” Haizaki continued, knowing that he didn’t want to get into a conversation about his awful study habits. “You got your braces taken off right? Go on, give me a smile,” he said in a joking tone.

“No, I don’t like how it looks,” you said firmly.

“Mhm,” he hummed, “doesn’t matter. I want to see for myself.”

“No way, it looks weird,” you said softly as the classroom emptied.

“I can decide that for myself.”

You looked up at the eyes that were hovering above your desk. He wasn’t going to back down. You let out a sigh and flashed him an uncomfortable smile as you waited for him to say something. Each moment of silence convinced you more and more that he hated how you looked just as much as you do.

“I don’t see why you were complaining so much,” he said with a shrug and a small grin on his face.

“I feel like I look awful,” you muttered.

“Awful? You? Please,” Haizaki scoffed. “You’re hot as fuck.”

“I’m really not...”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Haizaki questioned, determined to prove his point.

“No, but—“

“You’re really fucking beautiful, Y/N,” he interrupted. “If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, I won’t hesitate to throw hands— that’s how much I believe it.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at that last part. “Babe, you wouldn’t hesitate to throw hands with anyone.”

“Shut up. My point still stands. Now how do I get you to see how pretty you are?” he said, trying to think of something clever.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” you said, half-joking.

Next thing you knew, Haizaki had leaned in and pressed his lips against yours ever so passionately, taking you by surprise. It took you a moment to realise what was going on before you quickly pulled away— even though you quite enjoyed it.

“Babe, were in a classroom,” you scolded softly, though you couldn’t fight back the grin that was spreading across your face.

“So what? No one’s here,” he said, voice as deep as ever. “Besides, I’m trying to remind you how pretty you are— that’s more important.”

“How exactly is that going to remind me?” you chuckled.

“Well, I wouldn’t just kiss anyone like that, now would I?”

“I suppose,” you said with a smile.

“In all seriousness though, I really don’t know why you think you don’t look good, because in my eyes you’re the most beautiful thing ever,” he said, sincerity in his eyes.

You began to blush at the sound of his words. It might take a while for you to feel more confident about yourself but this was certainly helping. “When did my Haizaki get so tooth-rottingly sweet, huh?” you teased jokingly.

Haizaki rolled his eyes and pretended to be annoyed at you but the smile on his face really said otherwise. “Shut up.”

#kuroko no basket #kurokos basketball #kuroko no basket x reader #aomine daiki #kagami taiga #murasakibara atsushi #wakamatsu kousuke #haizaki shougo #knb

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brezchez · 4 years

Text

~~~

Just like we used to - Creativitwins 🛡🗡

~~~

TW: Swearing

Word Count: 1851

A/N: I haven't seen many Creativitwin one shots so here's one I wrote with some fluffy platonic Dukexiety because they were definitely close friends once and I love their dynamic. That being said enjoy the story!

~ Bre

-------------

Remus blew the white strand of hair that had fallen on his face away. He looked around, pouted then sighed. There was nothing to do. Thomas was busy writing scripts for the newest Sanders Sides episodes so Roman was with him, and on a creative streak too, so it was safe to say that he would pretty occupied for the rest of the day.

'Hmm. Maybe I'll find someone in the common room,' Remus thought to himself. Surely there would be someone there that he could bother-I mean-talk to. As he walked over to the core sides' part of 'The Imagination', Remus noticed that the sun was shining brighter than usual. Thinking that it may be because of his brother, he smiled at the thought. Though he had been accepted as one of Thomas' sides, Remus' relationship with Roman was still a little strained and, though he had never openly admitted it, he wanted to desperately repair it with him, because he missed the times when they used to play together and fend off the imaginary demons and monsters that tried to threaten them. Still, Remus grinned subtly at the thought of his brother calling out random ideas and jumping out of joy at them... just like he always used to do.

When he opened the door, Remus found Virgil sitting cross-legged on the floor, tending to his hoodie.

"Oh, hi Re," he greeted as he looked up.

"Hi," Remus replied quietly. Virgil's eyebrows furrowed at the response. It was very out of character for Remus not to be so loud and flamboyant so hearing him speak like that immediately concerned him.

"Hey," Virgil said softly, standing up. "What's up?" Remus shook his head as he walked away to sit on the couch and Virgil followed him mutely. Instead of reclining back, the dark creative side leant forward, rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the carpet. Virgil said nothing and only stood there in front of him, waiting for his response. He knew Remus would tell him eventually but now he didn't need to be pestered about it; he just needed a few quiet seconds to gather his thoughts, and the anxious side understood that.

"I..." he said eventually. "I've just been... thinking."

"Thinking? About what?" Virgil asked, feeling an invisible wave of deja vu wash over him.

"Roman and I." Virgil's expression dropped and his eyes filled with pity. For years he had been silently watching the two brothers grow further and further apart and it honestly broke him to see their relationship become reduced to nothing. They had once been so close and practically inseparable, until one day, for some unknown reason, they stopped talking to each other. It was like seeing your two best friends become strangers over night, and no knew why. And whenever Virgil or any of the other sides had attempted to reunite them, or at least talk to each other again, both Roman and Remus resented the idea. They had just suddenly started hating each other... and no one knew why.

However, over the past couple of months, Remus started to warm up to the idea of making up with his brother. It was evident that he missed him dearly and he couldn't deny it any longer. He just... didn't know how to say it.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Virgil inquired after a few moments of silence. Remus laughed half-heartedly at the suggestion.

"You really think he's going to want to talk, or even listen to me after all this time?" he said, still looking at the floor. Seeing his friend like this disturbed Virgil, but not in a bad way. He hated seeing him like this and it was times like this that Virgil genuinely missed Remus' usual wacky-self.

"Don't tell him this," the anxious side started, sitting beside him. "But... Roman does talk about you too." Remus' eyes widened in surprise at this; he hadn't expected that at all. "A lot actually."

"Oh. I thought he hated me."

"No! Gosh no! Remus, Roman misses you just as much as you miss him," Virgil exclaimed, placing a comforting hand on Remus' back. "Do you know the number of nights he's spent complaining to me about how much he's been hating himself for pushing you away? Seriously it's been exhausting," Virgil sighed, leaning back on the sofa. Remus bit back a smile. "He really misses you Re. And he's been wanting to talk to you again for so long, but he doesn't, and I quote, 'know how to put it into words'. But secretly, I think he's waiting for you to say something. And I get that you've probably been waiting for him too but... someone's gotta make the first move." Remus bit his lip in thought as Virgil spoke. The idea of speaking to Roman again secretly terrified him. He didn't know how he would react, what he would say and most of all, he was scared that he might say something that would put an even bigger strain on their relationship, and that was the last thing he wanted. Remus was infamously known to be the side with no filter.

"How will I know what to say?" he questioned.

"You'll know, trust me," Virgil said and Remus nodded. "Hey, take it from me. I'm the most anxious side here and I managed to tell Roman how I feel," he joked, causing Remus to laugh. He smiled at his old friend warmly and pulled the emo into a tight hug. Virgil raised his eyebrows in surprise at this but soon hugged back.

"Thanks Virge," Remus said softly and Virgil smiled, knowing that he wouldn't see. "Just, one thing," he said again as he pulled away.

"Yeah?"

"About you and my brother." Virgil couldn't stop the blush creeping onto his cheeks. He cleared his throat and tried to compose himself, although he feared what would come next.

"...Yes?"

"You guys haven't fucked right-" There it was.

"REMUS!"

***

About two days after Remus and Virgil had had their conversation, Remus finally found his other half alone in The Imagination. He was sat under a tree humming quietly to himself with his eyes closed and letting the gentle breeze play with his chocolate brown hair. He looked so peaceful there alone that Remus almost turned away because he didn't want to disturb Roman, but it was now or never and he probably wouldn't get this opportunity again anytime soon. Hesitantly, he walked over to where the creative side was. Hearing the rustles in the grass, Roman opened his eyes and immediately stopped humming when he realised who was approaching him. He looked down quickly, trying to avoid eye contact and when Remus sat down by his side, he averted his gaze in the opposite direction. The two brothers sat in silence for a couple of minutes, both of them afraid of what to say, although one concealed it better than the other.

"Roman?" Remus finally said, but Roman continued to stare blankly into the distance even though his eyes weren't particularly focused on anything. "Roman. Roman please. Say something to me." Still, he got no reply. Looking up at the tree leaves above them, the duke remembered a fond memory. "This tree... it was our favourite one in The Imagination," he started as he looked to Roman hopefully for a reaction. Nevertheless, nothing. Roman refused to even look at him, yet Remus tried one last time. "I remember, I remember you accidentally pushed me off that branch once," he said as he pointed up into the luscious green leaves. "Then I brought you down with me. Patton had to bandage us up."

Realising that he was getting nowhere, Remus got up to leave, defeated and saddened. He was right. He should've just listened to himself. Of course Roman didn't want to speak with him. He should've just left him alone and save him all of this embarrassme-

"If I recall correctly," said a princely voice behind him, making Remus whip round instantly. "You pushed me off, and I yanked you down with me."

"What? No. I pulled you down, you-"

"No, no, no. You wanted to climb to the very top of the tree so I helped push you up but as we walked across the branch, you lost your balanced and out of instinct, you grabbed the thing nearest to you, which was my shirt, and pulled me down, causing me to fall with you," Roman replied firmly as he stood up with a smug smirk etched on his face. Remus laughed quietly and Roman smiled kindly, before placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Then, the dark creative twin swallowed and took a breath before asking his question.

"Roman, we were so close. What happened?" Roman's face dropped. Turning away, he fidgeted with his hands before coming back to face his brother, whose face was plastered with sadness, and possibly even guilt. Roman had never seen him so vulnerable and he hated himself for it, knowing he was the reason for all the pain.

"I don't know. Suddenly one day, I woke up and something was telling me that I couldn't see you anymore. It was like I was scolding myself for being with you all the time. But now I've been scolding myself for not spending time with you," the prince laughed. "How ironic."

"Oh, yeah. I know," Remus said in his signature voice, lifting the mood a bit. Confused, Roman looked up.

"You know?"

"Yeah. Virgil told me. He told me not to tell you but I told you anyway," he cheekily grinned. Although he was quite annoyed with Virgil for allowing his brother to hear about sensitivity, Roman couldn't help but smile when he noticed Remus' old antics return to him. The way he talked, the way he moved, the way he thought; Remus really was the side with no filter.

"Oh I'm gonna murder him," Roman gritted through his teeth. Hearing this, Remus' face lit up.

"I'll gladly help!" the duke offered mischievously, pulling out his morning star from behind his back. The other brother took out his sword and smirked with a raised eyebrow. This was the first time they had both brought out their weapons together for fun and a tsunami of nostalgia hit both of them like a storm; they could tell by the looks on each other's faces that they really missed this. Sighing contently, Remus offered out his hand for Roman to shake.

"Brothers?" But instead, Roman dropped his sword and pulled Remus into the first hug they had had in 20 years.

"Brothers."

"Just...one more thing," Roman said as he pulled away and Remus continued grinning. "Don't actually hurt Virgil. You know how I feel about him."

"No promises," Remus replied with a wink. "And yeah I know exactly how you feel about him." His brother nodded happily, satisfied with the answer. But the moment didn't last.

"And how you felt him," the duke giggled as he ran off.

"Wait R-Remus what? WhAT? REMUS WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

#sanders sides #fanfic #ficlet #Roman Sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #creativitwins #dukexiety #Platonic dukexiety #Fluff #THIS IS NOT REMROM #DO NOT TAG REMROM

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the-cheese-writes · 4 years

Text

Just like we used to - Creativitwins

TW: Swearing

Word Count: 1851

A/N:

I haven't seen many Creativitwin one shots so here's one I wrote with some fluffy platonic Dukexiety because they were definitely close friends once and I love their dynamic. That being said enjoy the story!

~ Bre

------

When he opened the door, Remus found Virgil sitting cross-legged on the floor, tending to his hoodie.

"Oh, hi Re," he greeted as he looked up.

"I..." he said eventually. "I've just been... thinking."

"Thinking? About what?" Virgil asked, feeling an invisible wave of deja vu wash over him.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Virgil inquired after a few moments of silence. Remus laughed half-heartedly at the suggestion.

"Don't tell him this," the anxious side started, sitting beside him. "But... Roman does talk about you too." Remus' eyes widened in surprise at this; he hadn't expected that at all. "A lot actually."

"Oh. I thought he hated me."

"He really misses you Re. And he's been wanting to talk to you again for so long, but he doesn't, and I quote, 'know how to put it into words'. But secretly, I think he's waiting for you to say something. And I get that you've probably been waiting for him too but... someone's gotta make the first move." Remus bit his lip in thought as Virgil spoke.

The idea of speaking to Roman again secretly terrified him. He didn't know how he would react, what he would say and most of all, he was scared that he might say something that would put an even bigger strain on their relationship, and that was the last thing he wanted. Remus was infamously known to be the side with no filter.

"How will I know what to say?" he questioned.

"Thanks Virge," Remus said softly and Virgil smiled, knowing that he wouldn't see.

"Just, one thing," he said again as he pulled away.

"Yeah?"

"About you and my brother." Virgil couldn't stop the blush creeping onto his cheeks. He cleared his throat and tried to compose himself, although he feared what would come next.

"...Yes?"

"You guys haven't fucked right-" There it was.

"REMUS!"

***

Hesitantly, he walked over to where the creative side was. Hearing the rustles in the grass, Roman opened his eyes and immediately stopped humming when he realised who was approaching him. He looked down quickly, trying to avoid eye contact and when Remus sat down by his side, he averted his gaze in the opposite direction.

The two brothers sat in silence for a couple of minutes, both of them afraid of what to say, although one concealed it better than the other.

"This tree... it was our favourite one in The Imagination," he started as he looked to Roman hopefully for a reaction. Nevertheless, nothing. Roman refused to even look at him, yet Remus tried one last time. "I remember, I remember you accidentally pushed me off that branch once," he said as he pointed up into the luscious green leaves. "Then I brought you down with me. Patton had to bandage us up."

"If I recall correctly," said a princely voice behind him, making Remus whip round instantly. "You pushed me off, and I yanked you down with me."

"What? No. I pulled you down, you-"

"Oh, yeah. I know," Remus said in his signature voice, lifting the mood a bit. Confused, Roman looked up.

"You know?"

"Oh I'm gonna murder him," Roman gritted through his teeth. Hearing this, Remus' face lit up.

"Brothers?" But instead, Roman dropped his sword and pulled Remus into the first hug they had had in 20 years.

"Brothers."

"Just...one more thing," Roman said as he pulled away and Remus continued grinning. "Don't actually hurt Virgil. You know how I feel about him."

"No promises," Remus replied with a wink. "And yeah I know exactly how you feel about him." His brother nodded happily, satisfied with the answer. But the moment didn't last.

"And how you felt him," the duke giggled as he ran off.

"Wait R-Remus what? WhAT? REMUS WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #fanfic #creativitwins #platonic dukexiety #dukexiety #prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #fluff #angst #swearing #brewrites

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kazushuu · 5 years

Note

🍍🍊🥝 for both of those sweet boys

o lord this ended up long. read more time!

🍍 : how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height, weight, strength, and body type? how important is being attractive to them?

“ …occupying myself with such things is nothing but baggage. ”

he says, but it’s only half true. appearances (and identity itself) is completely neutral for him. not uncomfortable, but not really confident and proud either. however if he had to pick, he is often bothered with things below his neck more.

he’s not bothered about his height, necessarily. but his strength is a bothersome thing. chemistry equipment like machinery is usually heavy, and so carrying those things around is a hassle. he sorta expressed his desire to be stronger in a usual creepy manner when talking about mantis shrimp.he is almost always cold and rigid because he’s underweight, and paired with medication, he’s generally a very dizzy.

…he fully knows that he’s responsible for his own health, but completely reinventing his lifestyle– even though he’d definitely be even more productive and beneficial if he were healthy– is just an… impossible task, that he can’t tackle right away.

but on another hand, even if he doesn’t voice it, he is very touched and impacted about compliments (usually just acknowledgements) about his voice, and hair, and eyes, and believe it or not, hands, so he’s subtly proud of them. he takes better care of his hair than anything else about his anatomy. and the pretty bow that he always has in his hair is very much a conscious decision.

kazuaki picked up on this fact and compliments shuu on his butt and thighs in hopes that he’ll enhance them too but to no avail, shuu always hides them under discreet coats. damn u shuu

he isn’t really self conscious about his scarring. he is worried that kazuaki will be too disgusted to handle it, but soon enough they’re gonna talk about it and their worries will be gone.

summed up, he’s distressed about how vulnerable he unfortunately is, but doesn’t really care about beauty.

“ …………………..n-no, not comfortable. i hate everything, everything about myself! i truly mean it!! i don’t like my height, i don’t like my weight, i don’t like my strength, i don’t like my body type, i don’t like my hair, i don’t like my face, i don’t like my voice, i don’t like my teeth, i don’t like my hands, i don’t like my knees, i don’t like how my hips look, i don’t like how my stomach rolls when i sit down, i don’t like my nose, i don’t like anything, and if if they were visible, i’d hate my organs too.

everything feels wrong… i’m too tall, i don’t want to bring attention to myself, i want to disappear, i’m too fat- but i don’t even really dislike it alone, it’s just a constant reminder of how shitty and sloppy i am with what i put in myself…

i don’t like the lines on my wrists because they are a constant reminder… of hitori.

i like things that are cute and pretty, and i’m neither… even though shuu compliments me, i don’t know how to stop hating myself.

f-freckles! i also have those, i-… i don’t know, they make me look childish, maybe?

…why am i looking for reasons to hate myself??!! why can’t i stop??!!

…i feel like if i met someone nice and kind and friendly, someone whom i’d like, who had the same physical traits as me, i wouldn’t find them ugly, s-so why? ”

yeah. but as he said, he simply feels like a nuisance and clutter of space, because he thinks he has too many flaws without any good things to make up for them. shuu isn’t super vocal, but he actually finds kazuaki’s appearance very endearing. if not too much sometimes. cause you know. kawa-word.

as teeth-gritting as it is, he’s happy to know that shuu is pleased with his appearance, and equally as pleased with the idea to experiment and bruise him, so oddly enough, that’s a small boost to his cripplingly low confidence.

🍊 : does my muse desire romance? is it something they would actively seek out, or prefer to happen more ‘ naturally? ’ what is their love life like? do they have any exes or past flings, or crushes?

“ …i don’t seek anything, no. i have always been married to my work, but, well, it seems that i became sentimental about this… particular quail. i don’t know how it came to this, ” yes he does, all too well, “ but alongside my main husband, kazuaki is very dear to me… and i shall not comment on the last question. ”

obviously shuu needs a lot of time, and some amount of pressure, to awaken some empathy and feelings in him. and when he likes someone, he will develop an entire lobe in his brain dedicated to them. although it has only happened… twice in his life.

his love life is kazuaki, and nothing else.

his feelings towards ryuuji, although on a similar frequency, are much different than kazuaki’s. believe it or not, shuu has a romantic crush on kazuaki, and had one for a long while before they became a couple, but his feelings towards ryuuji are actually platonic. at least, that’s the state that they ended on. if… time went on, they would’ve developed into romanticism as well.

ryuuji can’t really be called a crush, as much as that souma projected his entire being onto him, his present, his future, his little embryo hopes and dreams… he called him his boss, because that’s what he was, but really, souma saw ryuuji as a father figure.

after being robbed of his childhood, ryuuji showed him a glimpse of innocent fun, but was also a role-model in his achievements.

it was unrequited love in a way, but souma didn’t realize the depth of his feelings until much later.

as he said, he saw ryuuji as someone to be admired from below, but kazuaki is someone he can sympathize with, and clings to the fact that they’re in love with all his might.

-sniff-

“ …hitori…hitori is an ex. i don’t know if i love or hate him anymore.

b-but um, um, otherwise… i haven’t really met all that many people in my life, so i don’t know… i always fantasized and dreamed about true love and all that stuff you see in cartoons.

i didn’t really chase after shuu because i wanted him to be my boyfriend, at first. at first, i came to him because i had no one else. not a single person in real life left. shuu was my only acquaintance, and was the only person who didn’t immediately slither away when i tried to be friendly, so i fixated on him with all my might…

…to be my friend. i wanted to be his friend.

a-and i guess at some point, we did, but we never even really acknowledged it, because we only realized it when we decided to take the next step already! so that’s wild! it happened naturally, i guess. um, more naturally than with hitori. and i mean that as, maybe because we didn’t know we were friends, i didn’t latch onto him as obviously as to hitori, when we were 18… we were mostly at a certain distance.

so, i guess, i’ve always been a slow burn, “natural” type, ahah… mnm, when i think about it really hard, maybe i had some aesthetic-based highschool crushes. there was a guy, and a girl, or… there might’ve been two girls, but we never even talked, so… ”

🥝 : does my muse have any ‘ unusual ’ habits, interests, and / or talents? do they hide it, or are they proud of it?

“ I don’t know much about what is considered ‘unusual’ or not. but from reactions and experience, i guess everything about me is called unusual, creepy, suspicious, untrustworthy…mean…disgusting...

but if we put what most birds know on a surface level about me, i guess there are some hidden traits too…

…my interest in marine biology seems to be one. i love it equally as much as i love pathology and research, but i don’t have a reason (or way) to show it as a nurse in a highschool.

…i like cooking? it’s a bit of a shame. i never saw a reason to put effort into it, if it was just gonna be me eating it in the end, but kazuaki seems to like my dinner making skills, so i’ve been doing that more often.

…there…there probably is more, but i can’t remember anything… m-my mind is full of crabs and seafood now, hm. ”

the list of shuu’s habits is endless and the list is always expanding! i have a list of HCs on it in a twitter thread here!

but let’s see, the quirkiest of habits, that are a bit of a secret…

shuu looks really cute when you catch him eating. he is quiet and polite of course but he tends to stuff his cheeks and then just slowly chew looking like a hamster.

shuu stims. he’s never really mobile and never gets hyperactive so those stims are subtle.he fidgets with his (reminiscent) necktie, or any other fabric in hand.he chuckles (and makes.. bird noises) pretty much unawarely and impulsively. those count as stims too.

“ u-uhuu... i dunno... i’ve always been the introverted outcast and no one is interested in me, so that can either mean that i’m painfully average or really weird without meaning to...

...i-i’ve been told that because i work at this prestigious academy, that must mean that my skill...”talent”...for classic and contemporary literature is unusual and exceptional...so i guess that’s unique?

and...um... ” now that he thought about the topic harder, a piling mountain of perverted thoughts came to his mind, “ Y-YEAH THAT’S IT!! THERE IS...NOTHING ELSE! ”

but that’s not true. kazuaki has plenty of hidden traits. one of his interests, although not so secret on this blog, is his love for hatocatch pretty coore, and generally, he loves most childish and energetic anime and games... and interests.

aside from writing, he also really likes drawing, but isn’t very good at it, which prompts him to hate the end results.

he loves astrology, and had a phase where he obsessed over it while studying both art and science related to it... you can probably guess that shuu loves this intellectual side of him.

as for talents, or, uh, lack of thereof, kazuaki can’t whistle, and can’t wink. (shuu can whistle, but he can’t wink either).

and as for a habit and skill, in bird form, kazuaki gets frightened so easily and so frequently, that his quail instinct is desensitized to it and actually doesn’t jump and ram his head into the ceiling when startled, and instead his instinct is to hide below. of course, he’d still jump if something were really (really) sudden. but he’s more likely to hug someone than flee.. upwards.

also, he’s actually really talented at rhythm games... and i won’t tell what else he’s really good at with his fingers.

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morethanithoughtofficialblog · 5 years

Text

Chapter 4: A slight hint of hope

In which the future looks brighter than you may think

*Your POV*

I found myself writing down a letter to the president, technically begging him to let monsters be truly free. Again. I was starting to ask myself why I even try. Again. This the seventeenth letter I've written to him, and yet, he won't listen.

Then I told myself that I shouldn't be thinking like this. That a lot of monsters had their hope on me, therefore, I should try harder.

I smiled, knowing that this was my inner dialogue every single day. And yet, I still have it, no matter what I'm doing. This is one of the few things that amaze me these days.

It's been a while since I have met them. Maybe a month or two; maybe even more. Ever since then, we've been talking for hours in my office every single day. I kinda like it. It gives me the feeling that I'm not alone in the world.

But then again, they'll probably leave once this is over. Or maybe not. Who knows?

They all have been awfully nice to me. Nicely than a lot of humans have ever been. This is one of the thousand reasons I keep writing to the president.

Maaaaaybe I should return to my cheery self. I'm being quite serious, haven't I?

No one can blame, though. I hate to admit it, but this issue is worrying me more than I expected. At first, the case was interesting, yes, but now it's kinda overwhelming, knowing that I'm dealing with a weak point; discrimination.

I just hope I don't end up like Rosa Parks after this. But that's just me being stubborn. Again.

Before my mind could get more depressive, though, I heard someone knock the door. I mentally groaned, with the feeling that I was gonna get a shitty opinion for the trillionth time.

"Come in"

"Wow, that's for sure the sourest answer you've given me, sweetie. That's quite the record!"

A smile crept onto my face. I recognize that voice anywhere!

She slammed the fricking door open like it was some sort of drama movie (which it's exactly what her life is) and posed dramatically. She was wearing sunglasses (even if it was cloudy outside), a fancy-yet-casual blouse, and some skinny jeans. Not to mention the usual high heels that make her bigger than a fucking tree. Oh, how not to miss her?

"Hello, beautiful!" She exclaimed before kissing my cheek on a french-greeting style "You look EXHAUSTED! But, hey, at least you are wearing makeup. Now THAT'S progress!"

"Mailey, I've been wearing makeup daily ever since I got this job"

"Wait..." she paused slightly, then let out a fake gasp. "YOU HAVEN'T BEEN WEARING IT VOLUNTARILY?!"

I giggled way louder than I wanted to, but I didn't mind. Mailey's has always managed to put me in such a good mood, all thanks to her cocky attitude. I haven't seen her for months, so I just really missed her. But I probably said that already. Oh well.

"Oh, (Y/N) darling!" She clapped her hands together in such a girly and unnatural way I almost lose it "Let's go to a café! I don't want to chat in such a sad and old place!"

"Uh, eh... you know what? A break would be great" I hesitantly answered, thinking that I just could clear my mind for a while. I actually haven't done that since I was a preteen, soooo... yeah...

"Wonderful! Let's get going! Just one thing... we will go to Starbucks!"

"Seriously?"

"You know I don't like Dunkin' Donuts, sweetheart. I don't tolerate that bitter taste you normally choose"

"And you know I don't tolerate that overwhelming sweetness you choose every time"

She took a pause and put down briefly her sunglasses, staring at me in fake shock. Oh, I know how much she hates Dunkin' Donuts, but Starbucks simply sucks!

"Well, I'll be the one paying, so I think it's fair" she teasingly added with a huge, goofy grin on her face.

Shit, she got me.

...

Oh well.

"Hmm. Guess you won this time, huh?" I answered, throwing my arms in defeat. She made a victory pose, and I silently giggled. I shouldn't be feeling this lonely since monsters visited today, right?

Well, guess what.

They didn't.

But I'm not complaining since I'm the one who told them not to come for today, arguing that they should take a break from leaving and coming. Some of them didn't think twice and accepted, which made me feel kinda bad. How stubborn have I been to actually keep them coming so often without a chance to take a breath?

...and that's why I also needed a break. Because I was about to become a fucking mess. Leave the tears for the night, (Y/N).

And so I left. Good thing I was doing extra hours, or else, I would have been crying after some time being all alone.

Sometimes I wonder if I can call myself a proper 20 years old adult. I mean, I'm quite mature at some things, but in others, I almost feel like I'm a 5 years old brat.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Frisk's POV*

It feels kinda weird not meeting (Y/N) today. Sure, I was getting exhausted of the daily routine, but know... I feel like something's missing. And that something is (Y/N).

We actually haven't been doing much in this little house, since we are really crowded in here. Yes, it has two floors, but we are more than 10 people, and it's starting to get on my nerves. Not even the orphanage felt this crowded.

But, hey, at least I'm with my friends and family and not with some random kids pushing each other. I think this is pretty much ok, I guess.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. Excited, I quickly ran to get it, and a smile flashed on my face. Emily, the daughter of the kind owners, has come for her weekly visit. Even Sans seemed eager to receive her, noticing his white pinpricks turn brighter.

She's 10 years old, so her voice is quite soft and pretty. I think she's on her school's choir and musical group, which it's totally cool. She has golden, twirly hair that gets not too long below her shoulders, and tends to wear a lot of dresses.

We were friends in the orphanage, so I know a thing or two more than the monsters do.

"Hi, kind creatures!" she chirped happily, making all of us grin wider. We returned the greeting quickly, which just made her giggle.

"I brought some gifts for you!" she added, clearly excited. I couldn't help myself, so I ended up drawing a small smile upon my lips. I'm always happy with her. She's just too kind and innocent, like the cinnamon roll Papyrus. I really missed her when I went on my trip to the Underground.

We all gathered in a circle, and watch with awe the food she brought us.

"Finally something new!" Undyne exclaimed with joy, hugging the little girl.

She also brought action figures for Papyrus, some clothes for all of us, some beautiful earrings to Toriel, and a book for Sans. Oh, so that's why he was eager, huh? I just remembered that she gives Sans a book every week, which he normally ends in the night after her visit. Then he just keeps rereading it until Emily comes again. It's fun to see him stress over a single book, though. One day he almost broke down when he found out that it was an open ending. Or, how he calls them, a 'fuck-the-reader's-mind-and-soul' ending.

"thanks, kid" he muttered, trying to hide his excitement and failing miserably. I smirked quietly, and he shrugged it off with a shy smile. I don't get this guy; but that's fine, I guess.

She decided to stay with us for the night, clearly feeling bored at her house. I understand, though. When you live in an orphanage you are never lonely, but if they suddenly adopt you with no other kids, it feels weird.

And so, we ended up planning the perfect game for a sleepover: pillow fighting. I was teaming up with Flowey (I forced him to play) and Emily. The other team was formed by Papyrus, Undyne, and Sans... who was just lazily resting on a pillow. And, naturally, Papyrus groaned when he noticed.

"BROTHER! GET UP, YOU LAZYBONES, AND HELP US BUILD A FORT! I DON'T PRETEND TO LOSE ONLY FOR YOUR LAZINESS!"

"sorry, bro. guess my laziness-"

"SANS"

"-rattled your bones"

"SAAAAAAAAAAAANS!!!!!!"

When I was about to protest, Asgore's cellphone started to ring.

And before he took it, I saw the ID caller...

And it was (Y/N)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

I was listening to Mailey's plans for the future. Apparently, her boyfriend has an apartment in San Diego, and she wants to go with him. She says that her future is better in there and blah blah blah. I certainly don't think that's the reason she wants to go, but hey, I can't judge.

I slowly took a sip from my coffee, being the bitterest I could find. And, somehow, it was still sweet. Goddamnit.

If Mailey goes away, then... my life will be pretty much the same, actually. Yes, I will miss her, but we are not best friends and we didn't see each other frequently in the past. Still, I will have fewer people to casually tell my secrets and some of my problems. Now I have less than half of the friends I had in high school. Great.

But, well, she has changed. A lot. Yes, she still makes me laugh with her self-security, but it's not the same. She has lost that... simpleness she had. Now she posts on Instagram every day, she wants to be an influencer, and hell, she even put herself some pink strips on her blonde hair. Maybe I miss seeing that dorky part of her. She's just, well... different. I shouldn't be thinking like that, but it's true.

I was about to hide my face so Mailey couldn't take a picture of me when I received a call. Wow, no one can have a break these days, right?

The number wasn't part of my contacts, which was weird, but I decided to answer anyway. Not for being a good person, but as an excuse to calm Mailey the fuck down.

"Hello, this is (Y/N) (L/N). How can I help you?"

"Hello, (Y/N)... may I have a word with you?" a rough and familiar voice answered, which immediately put me nervous. Who is this guy?

"...I'm sorry sir, but could you specify who are you? We may have talked before, but I just can't remem-"

"Of course we have talked, miss (Y/N)" he interrupted, and I silently gulped "Actually, you wanted to discuss something with me, isn't that right?"

No way-

"I'm the president, miss (L/N). You have caught my interest with your detailed arguments, saying that monsters deserve a chance to grow in society. Or did I just called the wrong person?"

I stood there in shock for a few seconds, then made my way out of Starbucks to hear better. Keep your cool, (Y/N), and everything will be alright.

"You are totally right, Mr. President. I'm the one who sent those letters."

"Great. Now, let's discuss a few things, ok?"

"Of course sir".

I listened carefully, searching for any hints of hatred or irony in his voice. Instead, I just heard interest in the way he mentioned my arguments.

Eventually, we gave each other a quick-yet-formal goodbye, and I immediately called Asgore.

This is a serious business.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Asgore's POV*

My mind was thinking the worst when I saw (Y/N)'s ID on my phone. I saw that others were worried, too. Could this be the end? Are we going back to the Underground, after all those years of waiting?

I picked up reluctantly, watching the expectant reaction of my wi- Toriel, the expectant reaction of Toriel.

"Oh, hello (Y/N)!" I exclaimed, trying to keep my hopes high enough for everyone. "How has been your day?"

"It's been fine, thank you. How has been yours?" She bluntly answered, sounding like she was... distant.

Let's just hope it isn't what I'm thinking.

"It's been good, (Y/N). Anyways, how can I help you, young one?"

She didn't answer immediately. Actually, she remained still for a long time. The only thing I could hear was her breathing, and my positive smile was turning into a nervous one.

"Asgore, we have something we need to discuss"

And my smile dropped.

#sans x reader #more than i thought fanfiction #more than i thought #chapter 4 #sans #reader #x reader #undertale

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writerofmanyfandoms · 6 years

Text

Insecurities

Summary: Requested!Han SoloxPlusSized!Reader! Set a little after Solo. The newest addition to the Han-Chewie team, Han somehow manages to wrangle you in to accompany him on a mission. Will things actually run as smoothly as everyone hopes? Probably not, but you have grown accustomed to things not working out exactly the way you would like.

Pairing: Han Solo x Reader

Word Count: 1870

Warnings: being insecure, language, suggestive at times, extra fluffy at the end

Author’s Note: Hey everyone! Hope all is well! I have come down with a bitch of a sinus infection, but I wanted to make sure I could put a story out! I may be getting a new laptop or even a desktop soon, so let’s cross our fingers! I have never written a Plus Sized Reader before, so I hope this is good! I am plus sized myself, and I always enjoy reading Plus Sized reader inserts. Hopefully, I can do more of these in the future! Everyone deserves to feel included.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or the characters. Also, I do not own this GIF, found on GIPHY

You stared at your reflection for what seemed like hours. Somedays you felt so confident and loved every article of clothing you were. Other days it felt as if your clothes were too tight and you couldn’t stretch them enough. Unfortunately, today was one of those bad days. In the back of your mind, you knew you were gorgeous, as conceited as that sounded. You had curves and some extra body, sure, but it didn’t make you ugly.

Finally settling into a black flowy dress, you quickly pulled your hair up into a formal bun. As if on cue, you saw Han appear in the mirror behind you.

“About time, Y/N. I always end up waiting on you. You take forever.” He teased, looking at you. He couldn’t help but admire you, his eyes lingering far longer than they should have, which made you feel a bit self-conscious. Normally his glance would have been appreciative, as you normally had the ability to at least act confidence.

You were sure that Han still seemed unaware of your feelings, and if he had known he surely wasn’t bringing it up. Although, you were rather oblivious to his feelings. Ever since you first healed him and Chewie, he had been smitten. He acted as if he didn’t want you to travel along with him, and tried to act as if he was doing you a favor when he ‘finally’ caved.

“Well I am ready, so let’s go.” You said, although a bit too short which caused him to raise his eyebrows.

“Alrighty, someone woke up in a bad mood. Let me just remind you. As soon as we get off the ship, Chewie is going to park this somewhere hidden. We are going to find out as much information as we can on where the Imperial Captain keeps the fuel. I need to deliver that to a potential buyer. As soon as we get out, we will radio Chewie and meet back up with him.” Han told you, as the two of you began to exit.

You didn’t feel comfortable helping him smuggle, but when he asked for your help you practically melted. It hadn’t taken very long for the two of you to open up, which was surprising, especially after he told you about what he had recently been through. Deep in your mind, you wished you didn’t like Han the way you did. Guys like him didn’t want girls like you. You knew that almost better than anyone. You saw the way his eyes would look at those thin, tall, gorgeous women. If it wasn’t so expected. It probably would have hurt your feelings.

Being this deep in thought was never good for you. On your more insecure days, you tended to stay by yourself, but you couldn’t today. And it didn’t help that the top half of this dress was more fitted than you liked, but you were running out of time to change.

“You look really nice tonight,” Han said, his voice soft as the two of you approached the entrance, and he flashed the invites to the security guard.

“Oh shut up.” You mumbled, rolling your eyes as the guard waved you through. Despite wanting to believe him, you were scared that Han was only joking or even just saying that to trick you. You were no stranger to cruel jokes. When you were younger boys and girls would always pay you a compliment, only to run back to their group of friends and laugh it off.

Han could see it in your eyes that you didn’t really believe him. He wanted you to though because he truly meant it. He loved the way you looked, everything from the way your clothes fit your body, to the way your hair would fall down your back after taking it down. You were truly a magnificent sight, and he only wanted you to see it all of the time.

“Okay, so let’s split up. We will do some talking, try to find out whatever it is we can. We will meet up every twenty minutes or so to check on the progress. As soon as we find out what we need, we can get the hell out of here. Agree?” Han asked, you only nodding your head in approval.

The two of you drifted to other sides of the room, and you couldn’t think of how easy Han had it. All he had to do was flirt around with the pretty girls, and he could easily find out what he needed. Honestly, why would he even need you? You rolled your eyes at the thought. Of course, he could just flirt his way, who could blame him? He was definitely charming and good looking, and he could smooth talk any woman who wanted to hear his flattery.

Like clockwork, the two of you would meet up, but neither one of you had found out what you needed. It felt as if Han was so easy at this, you often would struggle at making small talk with large groups of strangers. Unlike Han, you were easy at blending in. You were used to people not noticing you, or forgetting you were around. It was exactly how you found out that he kept his fuel on Coruscant, in a little cantina that was owned by his brother. The ladies were gossiping about it, as you stood nearby.

All of a sudden music started playing, and everyone was pairing off. You couldn’t help but panic, dancing was definitely not your strong suit. You had thought you were in the clear until you felt a hand on your back and the familiar, yet very handsome face of Han Solo.

“Hey, hey Y/N. Not so fast, have this dance with me. Besides, we need to blend in and I am having no luck.” He said, pulling you in close and holding on to your hand.

As you wrapped an arm around him, you realized you didn’t want to tell him the information. Not yet. You knew it was stupid and silly, and probably not a good idea to hold on to it, but you wanted to enjoy this moment for a little while longer.

“Oh yeah? Me either. I figured you would, all of those girls look like they are ready to jump into bed with you.” You teased, faking a grin as he rolled his eyes.

“Just because I flirt with women does not mean I like them. I normally have an ulterior motive. I learned that sometimes it is the only way to get information or for them to lead me somewhere.” Han said, a bit too nonchalantly, and your eyes immediately stared down at your feet as the two of you danced. “But in all honesty, I do like someone. It’s you.” He admitted, surprised as you halted so suddenly.

“What the fuck Han? Is this some sort of sick joke? It isn’t funny.” You said, your voice low but definitely sounded angry.

“Wait, no? Why would I be joking?” Han asked, confusion plastered all over his face.

“Oh fuck off, don’t play dumb. You flirt with all of those women with smaller waists then me, who have the perfect body and can run around naked and no one would bat an eye. So don’t even try and play and act as if someone like me is your type.” You seethed, as you began to storm out. As soon as you got outside you took off running. It didn’t matter where you went, just as long as you were away from Han.

It didn’t take you very long to find a nice secluded park bench, and you quickly sat down. You definitely hated running, but all of the adrenaline you had made it seem a lot easier. It felt like forever until you felt a warm body near you, and you were too exhausted to argue.

“Y/N, why did you run off? And explode like that? Do you really think I am the type of guy to do something like that to you? Yeah, I can be a bit of an ass, but damn. I’m not cruel.” Han said, sitting down beside you.

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you shook your head. You knew Han really wasn’t that way, it was just a part of your brain could not believe what he had been saying. You had been let down a lot in life, and you were just extremely guarded.

“Of course not. But you flirt with so many women, you never once have done that to me.” You said, kicking some gravel beneath your feet, thankful that you had opted for some comfortable flats.

Han couldn’t help but chuckle, rolling his eyes as he nudged you. “Of course I don’t do that to you. Why would I? I don’t flirt with those women because I like them. I do it because not only am I wonderful at it, but because I know some women respond well to my flattery. I knew you would never, and I liked you too much to want to flirt with you like that. I do flirt with you, Y/N, it just isn’t the way you are used to seeing. So you would have never expected it.”

“Okay then, well explain why you like me. Why me? Look at me. I have chub in all of the wrong spots, I can’t run a marathon, or flaunt around naked.” You said, but Han only shook his head.

“I mean, feel free to flaunt your naked body in front of me. I would definitely appreciate it.” He teased, smiling as you laughed and rolled your eyes. “See, that’s why. Because you don’t always see that you are beautiful. I know you can be confident, but I also know when you aren’t, and I want to help make you feel better. We all have insecurities. I don’t think you are fat, I think you are perfect. All sizes are beautiful, and I definitely do not discriminate. You also have the most wonderful smile, and every time you laugh it makes me happy. You are so many things, and I wish you could see those things all of the time.” Han said, leaning in close and cupping your face with his chin.

As soon as he finished talking, you couldn’t help but press your lips against his. Despite him wanting everyone to think he was some rough smuggler, he did have a soft heart. You wanted this moment to last forever, but unfortunately, the two of you pulled away.

“Come on, let’s get to the Falcon. I don’t want to hang around here too long. Plus it sucks that we couldn’t get that information.” Han said, hopping up, holding his hand out for you to take.

“About that, I actually did. It is at his brother’s night club. I just wanted to dance with you.” You said with a grin, laughing as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Y/N! You are the best.” Han said, giving you such a deep kiss that you could feel your insecurities melt away. Maybe some things do work out well after all.

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asiryn · 5 years

Text

tagged by @primrose-path-of-dalliance (!!!!!! thanks!!! (lmao, it’s been so long since i’ve been tagged in anything XDD))

Rules: Name your top 10 favourite characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people!

i’m putting this behind a cut, bc i rambled on for quite a while XDD these won’t be in any particular order, and the fandoms will be chosen based off of what i’m currently most into/whichever ones i think of first XD

1. Maleficent [Disney]

okay, i lied a little.....she is clearly my #1 favorite character of all time, so of course she’s first (the rest of the list won’t be in any particular order :P). but....yeah, i love her forever and for all time and eternity, i love her class and elegance, my hunt for all merchandise of her that i can get my hands on is legendary and knows no bounds, she’s my forever girl, etc, etc. if you know only one fact about me, it’s probably that i love maleficent. there’s nothing i can say here that i haven’t probably already said a million times over, so i’ll move on XD

(moana has risen to be a pretty close second, tho)

2. Anthony J. Crowley [Good Omens]

i read the book from a library over a decade ago, and i liked it well enough, but it like....wasn’t an instant new fave that i had to immediately buy for myself (tho it is on a list of books that i wouldn’t mind owning...but maybe it’s finally time, who knows). i’m halfway through the show, and i’ve finally fallen in love with it (i think it finally being a #confirmed love story between our favorite ineffable idiots finally gave it the push it needed XD). it’s still a bit early for me to have a solid, definite fave, but lbr, if i know myself at all, it’s gonna be crowley XD i love this dumb demon (who’s rivaled in his idiocy only by his equally dumb angel husband), i love how he’s so soft even as he tries desperately to convince himself and everyone else that he isn’t, that he loves so many things and humanity and an angel even as he tries to say that he isn’t capable of it, that he never stopped questioning even after it had made him Fall. also, i am so thankful that the fandom has really embraced the potential for the shenanigans of crowley’s snake form.👍

(second place is probably aziraphale, but i also really love anathema too)

3. Namine [Kingdom Hearts]

another one that probably comes as no surprise, if you know me. i love this girl to the ends of the universe. i love the way she reclaimed her agency, her selflessness and determination, her empathy and kindness, how she went from a damsel in distress to pretty much saving everyone, over and over and over again. she deserves only happiness and the best things from now on. and please, for the love of god, give her some new clothes, nomura. >_>

(second fave is roxas, tho really, i love 98% of all the characters in this series ;;;)

4. Aerith Gainsborough [Final Fantasy VII]

my precious sunshine girl 💖 i prefer her in the original game, where she was sweet and optimistic, yes, but she was also sassy and fierce and took shit from no one. i love the girl that decided she wanted to wear a sexy red dress just for the hell of it, and threatened to rip off a mafia don’s balls. i love the girl that was confident and flirty with cloud, but never let any kind of bullshit ‘rivalry’ get in the way of being friends with tifa. i love that she always called cloud out on his bullshit, that she never let tragedy and oppressive shinra forces grind out her optimism, that she never stopped dreaming of a better future. i love that she was exposed to the worst of human nature, and yet still believed that they were worth saving. i love all versions of aerith, obvs, but they’ve definitely smoothed out her edges over the years, and i think that’s a shame. so here’s hoping that she’ll be more like her original self in the remake.

also, can’t wait to see aerith die again :)))))))

(my second fave tends to flip between cloud and sephiroth)

5. Ling Yao / Greed [Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood]

look. listen. i can’t choose between them, i just can’t. and hey....technically they sort of combine into one entity, so it’s totally fine to count them together, right?? XDD so yeah, it’s really fucking hard to pick a fave out of this cast, bc there’s only like....3 characters?? that i don’t love. but ultimately, it had to be these two. every single second they’re on screen, they totally steal the show, and they have a lot of the best scenes and moments in the series. i love ling, how he seems like a total goofball and comic relief at first, but fairly quickly you come to see just how fucking seriously he takes his duties and responsibilities, how selfless and devoted he is to his people, how he would walk through hellfire for the people he loves. he’s just....he just loves, so fiercely and intensely, that he moves even greed into loving him and the people he cares about without even trying.

and then there’s greed, who even from the beginning, you can’t help but be charmed by, with his sarcastic slow claps and laidback attitude. but over time, you see that he’s just like ling, really, in that he can’t help but get attached to these humans, that he loves them just as fiercely and intensely, even as he desperately tries to play it off. i love the way his character serves as a means for the story to have a really thought-provoking rumination on the nature of sins and desires, and on humanity (as do all of the other homunculi). i could go on forever about these two, and about the show in general, bc it’s just so deep and incredibly layered and complex, so i’ll stop here.

(next fave after them is winry)

6. Bucky Barnes [MCU]

it’s hard for me to talk about bucky without just dissolving into endless sobbing, but i’ll try my best. he’s just.....he’s someone who has ended up suffering so fucking much, who has every reason in the world to be angry and bitter and resentful and if this was the villain origin story, you’d probably find it hard to blame him. (also, i refuse to say that bucky was ever a villain, bc he never willingly chose to be with hydra, he’s a victim goddamn it--) and yet....he still chooses to be good. to be kind. he could have chosen to go on an endless revenge tour against hydra, but instead he focuses on his own recovery. and always, always, always, he puts other people first. he chooses to goddamn freeze himself, possibly forever, so that he doesn’t hurt people again. he’s truly an inspiration to me, because even after everything he’s been through, he still doesn’t give up. ......and if you’ll excuse me, i need to resume crying about bucky barnes for the rest of eternity 😭😭😭

(next faves are sam and steve. what can i say, i love my caps XP)

7. Keladry of Mindelan [Tortall]

speaking of inspirations, few (if any) characters inspire me more than kel does. unlike every other tortall protagonist, she has absolutely no magic at all, and she starts her story with more odds stacked against her than any of the others. the system and institution are against her, and most people actively, viciously hate her and want to see her fail, all for being a girl and daring to openly step outside of her gender roles. and yet, kel never gives up, and wins through pure will and determination. more than that, she never stops fighting any oppression that she sees, and is always looking out for the abused and marginalized of society. she is fair and just and righteous, and full of a quiet, immovable strength that i, frankly, envy. she’s a fucking mountain; you haven’t a hope of ever tearing her down.

(other faves....george, raoul, and dom. it’s really fucking hard to choose between them, i can’t even)

8. Oree Shoth [Inheritance trilogy, by N. K. Jemison]

oree is pretty much single-handedly responsible for me loving this trilogy, and is the reason why The Broken Kingdoms (the second book, of which she is the protagonist) is in my top 3 favorite books of all time. she is....just so fucking radiant. she’s a blind artist, and is flung so far out of her depth in the story, and yet she holds her own. in this world of gods, she brings this incredibly human element, and is celebrated because of her humanity. she’s angry and flawed, but also full of love, compassion, kindness, and mercy. she teaches gods the meaning of forgiveness. she takes shit from no one. just....do yourself a favor, and read this series, even if it’s only so that you can read this book.

(second fave....it’s probably shiny, lbr XD)

9. Sirius Black [Harry Potter]

ahhh, a classic fave. but yeah, i still love him, even after all these years. yes, he’s incredibly flawed, but at his core, he’s just so loyal, and he loves so fiercely, and he tries his absolute best to be there for harry, that i can’t help but love him. also, i have a Thing, for characters who suffer so tremendously, but who don’t give up, and still try their best to be good people anyway. also, wolfstar was the foundation of a very formative part of my life, and put me onto the road of accepting my queer identity, so i’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for the characters who were a part of that. 🤷‍♀️

(other faves are luna and harry, always)

10. Gladion [Pokemon]

mostly his anime incarnation, tho i do like him in the games as well. i love this soft goth boy with all of my heart. he’s so gentle and kind and loving, and i can’t even with him.

(other faves are lillie, n, zoey, and kukui)

if you guys want to do it, i’ll tag... @dabiden, @green-piggy, @seasbelow, @theroyalweekend, @toomanyfeelings5, @ashetrashe, @neddea.....i can’t think of anyone else, and i’m running out of steam, so if you want to do it, then consider yourself tagged! :)

#kiryn rambles #ask meme #tag meme #primrose-path-of-dalliance #favorite characters #maleficent #crowley #namine #aerith gainsborough #ling yao #greed #greed the avaricious #bucky barnes #keladry of mindelan #oree shoth #sirius black #gladion

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the-little-red-noodle · 6 years

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10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk.

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen.

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable..

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy..

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it.

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent.

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know?

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep!

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE

#samiswriting

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bigbluebarns-blog · 6 years

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ABLEISM REDUX

Well… There are so many different dimensions of disability that people can be ableist toward those with different disabilities than their own. …And it’s only in the last couple of generations (within my lifetime, at least) that Disability Rights groups have banded together in a common cause (Rather than, say: Rights groups for the blind working only for the blind, Rights groups for Cerebral Palsy working only for Cerebral Palsy, etc.). Matter of fact, based on my own recollections, I think working together for universal access rights only really got any steam in the 1970s – when I was already a teenager.

Confession time: until relatively recently (like, the last 10 years, or so), as a physically disabled person, I was biased against those with intellectual disabilities, and would get quite insulted if anyone mistakenly thought I was “R

—–ed.”

@theborkplanet IDK HOW TO SEPARATE MY COMMENTS FROM YOURS AND COMMENTS FROM YOURS. HENCE THE CAPS.

I WAS ALSO BIASED AND PROBABLY STILL AM SOMEWHAT, TOWARD PPL WITH INTELLECTUAL DISABILITIES(ID). I TOO USED THE R WORD. GROWING UP MY EXP WITH PPL W/ ID WERE NEGATIVE OR GROSS, AND NO ONE EVER BOTHERED TO EXPLAIN SOMEONE’S ID TO ME, SO ALL I KNEW WAS NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS EG JO GRABS STUFF AND SCREAMS; NO ONE EVER EXPLAINED HER AUTISM. MOE HAS DOWNS SYNDROME, IS OBSESSED WITH SAYING “BOOBIES” LOVES THE EFFING BEACH BOYS AND FARTS A LOT AND NEVER SHUTS UP; HOW ANNOYING; NO ONE EVER TOLD ME ABOUT PERSEVERATING, OR THAT DS CAN CAUSE GI PROBS SOMETIMES. AL MUTTERS, HE STINKS, AND HE KNOCKED OUT HIS AIDE SO I’M AFRAID THAT AL WILL GET ANGRY WITH ME AND KNOCK ME OUT; NO ONE EVER EXPLAINS HIS CONDITION, SO I GLEAN MY INFO FROM EAVESDROPPING and RUMORS. THE ABLE-BODIED ADULTS DIDN’T BOTHER TO PROMOTE UNDERSTANDING EVEN THO WE WERE ALL TRAPPED ON THE SAME SPECIAL ED BUS, SO THE PASSENGERS WITHOUT ID TALK SMACK ABOUT THE ONES WITH ID. THE ONE TIME I ASK, “WHAT’S AL HAVE?” ABLEBODIED ADULT SHAMES ME FOR ASKING AND BLATHERS ABOUT CONFIDENTIALITY. NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY MY PREJUDICE; JUST RELATING EXP. I’M ALSO WORKING THRU IT BUT U R RIGHT; NEVER 100% DONE.

I’m working through it, and like to think I’m getting better (and one huge part of that is learning just how deep and intertwined institutionalized ableism really is, in our societies). But as with being a White woman dealing with racism, I have to remember that it’s a case of continuing recovery, and not something I will ever be 100% over and done with.

Thanks for sharing, @aegipan-omnicorn. You’re lovely.

@bigbluebarns, I don’t personally know anything about suffering racism, being a white american myself. However, I do know a thing or two about suffering ableism, both at the hands of able-bodied people, and disabled people.

People are incredibly social animals and will band together in groups with other similar people. This is natural, and it is good. It can be healing and cathartic to hang out with people who “get it.” But this tendency can also have an extremely dark side, as we see with “isms.” This is going to get long, so I’m going to break it here in consideration of people’s dashboards. Again, I can only speak to ableism and sexism so please keep that in mind.

OMG, I LOVE THESE NAMES AND TRADEMARKS. DID U INVENT THEM?

Ableisms I have suffered at the hands of disabled people:

The Cripple Police™: These are the people who, in an overzealous bid for limited access available, arbitrarily decide who is disabled enough to use a mobility aid, bathroom stall, parking spot, and even sometimes the label of “disabled.” If you are not Crippled Enough, you can be subject to any form of social punishment they deem to be necessary.

I HATE THE CP AND I’M CONSTANTLY REMINDING PPL THAT U DO NOT HAVE TO APPEAR DISABLED IN ORDER TO USE HANDICAP PARKING. IT’S LIKE THEY WANT U TO WEAR A TAG STATING U R DISABLED SO THEN THEY CAN ASSESS IF U MEET THEIR RANDOM CRITERIA.

Example: I used to be able to walk longer distances with a service dog, but was still a high fall risk. My doctor (a licensed neurologist) prescribed me a parking placard so that none of us had to worry (as much) about me passing out in a parking lot where no one could see me, and getting run over. A lovely woman in a wheelchair, who just happened to park in the accessible spot next to me, proceeded to scream at me and my service dog all the way into the store. A manager rescued me by going along with my ruse of knowing him, and invited me into the back were I fucking hid away until they told me she had left the store. It. Was. Scary.

EGAD SOUNDS HORRIBLE. BUT YEAH THERE IS A DISABILITY HIERARCHY

The Born This Ways™ : The experience between people who were born disabled, and who acquired disability later in life, vary a great deal from one another. BTW ableist types actively minimize the experiences of other disabled people, simply because they hadn’t been baptized since birth by xyz. In other words, the suffering was not identical to their own, thus must be invalid.

Example: I became disabled after adulthood, and tried to find solace after being subjected to ableist responses from friends and family members who were unable to cope with the “broken me.” I found lots of great disabled people who helped me, but I also found people who routinely scoffed at my experiences, again informing me that I was not “disabled enough,” and suggested I was being deliberately weak, or histrionic. Sometimes it was almost eerily word for word what my ableist friends/family said. How strange…

I’VE SEEN THE ACQUIRED DISABILITY IS BETTER. TM ADIBS MIGHT IMPLY, “WELL I’M A QUAD, BUT AT LEAST I GOT TO EXP BEING ABLEBODIED; I’LL HAVE EXP U SADSACK LOSER BTWS WILL NEVER HAVE. I GOT TO BE NORMAL FOR A WHILE” MOST OFTEN I SAW IT COME FROM PARALYZED PPL WHO WISHED THEY COULD WALK AGAIN. I WAS BORN WITH CP AND AB PPL ACTUALLY ASKED ME “WOULD U RATHER BE BTW OR AD?” BEFORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, I SAID “BTW, CUZ THATS ALL I KNOW AND I’VE HAD IT FROM DAY1 FALSE EQUIVALENCY WHEREAS ADIBS HAVE TO ADJUST” NOW THO I KNOW THAT EVEN I AS BTW HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO CHANGING SYMPTOMS. DO U WANT 2 BE A TREE OR A MOUSE...UHHH...FALSE EQUIVALENCY ALERT, CAN’T COMPAPARE APPLE N ORANGE.

The Faker Police™: I think anyone with an invisible illness has experience with this one. This is when people who “look disabled” refuse to believe someone who “does not look disabled,” and proceed to treat them as hysterical attention seekers instead of…well, anyone else. These people often practice double ableisms–I have noticed that many also tend to judge Disabled Enough based on mobility aids. Then, they try to chase the “fakers” out of the community, because everyone knows “fakers” are why we have additional burdens added (like further hurdles to access, government aid, etc).

ALSO IF U HAVE AN INVISIBLE DISABILITY LIKE YOURS AND ME ALSO, I SEE THE “WELL EVERYONE GETS DEPRESSED/SAD/TIRED.” I END UP FEELING LIKE I HAVE JUSTIFY THE DISABLING NATURE OF MY DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TO A WEG.

Example: Before my condition had progressed to me needing a mobility aid, I was already facing discrimination in the workplace. I requested an accommodation to have the crappy fluorescent lights removed from above my desk, as they provoke bad neurological symptoms. You’d think it was a little thing, but when I asked for advice on dealing with skeptical and belligerent management, I met the same reactions in some disabled people, followed immediately by “Fakers like you are why we see knee-jerk reactions like the word ‘no!’ Come complain when you’re actually disabled and need to have a ramp installed! Until then suck it up!”

The Totally Qualified Disability Judges™: This one seems to arise from the natural tendency of people to compare their situations to the situations of others. If they arbitrarily judge another person’s situation to be better or more favorable, then that person is not As Disabled, or Disabled Enough, or Disabled At All. Then, based on that judgment, they try to socially punish the condemned, or to excommunicate them.

Example: Some conditions are really straightforward and don’t vary widely. People with the condition all seem to have similar limitations. My condition is the exact opposite of that. I have the chronic form of migraine disease. Lots of people get migraines, but not all of them have more than 15 a month, and migraines can last anywhere from a few hours to three days. To some people, pain is the most disabling feature of a migraine, to others, the accompanying neurological weirdness is. (Migraines are often proceeded by cortical spreading depression, a phenomenon also exhibited in epilepsy. Just for an example).

So, when people hear what my condition is, they remember that one lady they used to know who had to lay in the dark for a couple days each month, and wonder why the hell I’m in a wheelchair. It doesn’t make sense to them (who cares that migraines don’t make sense to the most brilliant neurologists in the world), so they decide that I just must not be disabled. Or, if I am, it’s hypochondria.

I’VE SEEN: YEAH HAVE U TRIED XYZ CURE? IT REALLY HELPED THAT 1 LADY. IF U DON’T TRY XYZ WELL THEN UR LAZY N ALSO PROBABLY FAKING THE EXTENT OF UR DISABILITY?

Fun fact: Internalizing ableism from medical doctors, and from some close friends and family, and THEN the disabled people I came into contact with later, and from whom I seeked guidance, prompted so much self doubt that I had a licensed psychologist work me up for hypochondria and other related psychological conditions. It…turns out that I am not a hypochondriac. I could not find relief from all of these experiences until I encountered a neurologist familiar with my condition, and fellow disabled people who have been around the block, and who are not so embittered by their experiences that they deigned to expose others to the same.

For that reason, I will always be vocally critical of ableism within our community. I will not sugar coat it, nor will I flatter ableist disableds by giving them another name. That goes for my own ableism, too. Now that I have worked through a lot of my own, I can use my aids with confidence and obtain a freedom that is at least emotionally similar to the one I had when I first formed my adult identity (which was as an abled person).

AH YES, IN MY CASE, INTERNALIZED ABLEISM=ANXIETY N DEPRESSION. STILL NOT SURE IF DISABLED PPL CAN BE TECHNICALLY DISABLED BUT THAT’S JUST LINGUISTIC SEMANTICS.

CLEAERLY WE BOTH KNOW DISABLED PPL ARE CAPABLE OF ASSHOLERY.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO BOLD TEXT IN POSTS? #TUMBLR NOOB

For an example of sexism from women, see my post Never Underestimate Old Women, in which an old lady cashier schools us for self-righteous activism.

Thanks for the discussion!

#ableism #disability #disabled

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charleecat-bat · 6 years

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Fandom Meme

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Uuuh, well, lemme think, for fantoms that aren’t sonic stuff, I enjoy Retsuko and Haida because adorable. Angus and Gregg from NITW is too adorable for it’s own good.

Sonic wise, well, I’m not strong on my ships but they’re are some I do think about or do think are matching, I think Shade and Knuckles are a good match, I enjoy Espio and Tikal, especially in my canon.

I do love Locke and Luger a lot though, since I can see them working in my canon, but other then that, I’m not huge on ships so eh.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Locke and Luger, mainly because they were related but then with some fanart and talking with friends of mine, especially @terraqua111, I started to like it and my friends had a point that they were too distantly related for it to matter anymore. She also showed me Lien-Da and Xenin which I liked.

I also didn’t consider Locke to be paired with anyone else before Luger, then I saw @lockewat‘s ship, Chuck and Locke... and I thought it was quite suiting as well.

Two other ones are Vanilla and Big because that was so adorable and that would be such a peaceful relationship good god it’s what they’d both need, so many picnics for dates. and @motobugg did some work on Rouge and Wave which I have never considered and I immediately thought... damn that would actually work a lot. XD Also Shadamy at some points due to a friends artwork and Shadow would be balanced from Amy’s personality that he would need.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will. I’ve never been big on Julie-Su and Knuckles, in the comics it felt kind of forced to me, same with Sonic and Sally, that I don’t see them suiting each other at all.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Ummm, I don’t know, I can’t think of one.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, I don’t know.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Sonic fandom. XDD Been in that for around 8-9 years. Since I was 9 or 10 years old.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

I think it would’ve just been Shade and Knuckles. lol Again ships aren’t my life.

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

Mainly ongoing stuff, I know it started with games, so I guess games? But I enjoy shows/series as well.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Ummmm... not that I know of.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Animal Crossing? I didn’t start playing the phone game until I saw people talking and reblogging stuff about it, then I tried it.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Well, in Steven Universe, a lot of the character have great arcs, that who their true opinions and colours, like how Amethyst had self-hating habits, Pearl didn’t think she was worth much, and seeing Peridot’s growing into a whole different gem, it’s really cool.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

I’ll go with um... Lars from Steven Universe, I didn’t like him much as a character at first, but I could understand his insecurity and being unsure on how to act and how to show himself, and being scared to show his true colours... but now he’s showing his own worth and letting himself be who he is with the Off-colours, which I can genuinely appreciate about him, he’s much better as a character now.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Can I say the entire brotherhood? XD I would love that like you wouldn’t believe.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

Just more Brotherhood content in general, uuuummm more monster-related AU’s? I don’t know, maybe more merchandise too? I don’t know I’m not all that demanding about content. o-o I’m terrible at this.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

All the Way (Jacksepticeye fan song) is the one that came up on shuffle, and it reminded me of Hawking, at least my version. I could imagine he would listen to this to motivate himself or something like that.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

...Trying not to say Monster AU for any sort of fandom CRAP TOO LATE-

But what about a Shape of Water-esque AU?

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

I haven’t really abandoned any fandom? o-O R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

When they’re not a couple and they’re just best friends, Locke and Luger I guess, they act like big dorks. I don't know, I don’t think about relationships much besides family ones.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Hmm, well, I feel while Locke doesn’t know what his main sexuality is right now, he’d feel he’d be in writing (sexuality)/Asexual, as he never really had sexual feelings, he only had sex in order to have his son, and he honestly never liked it all that much.

I also have a head canon that Steppenwolf is afraid of humiliation, or just making a fool of himself in social situations (he’s got a very well hidden social anxiety), so if he saw a bunch of people staring at him and whispering to each other, he’d instantly become worried about what he did.

Another head canon is that I love to imagine Sabre can swordfight very well, and the person who taught him is surprisingly Tobor. As he was very good with a sword and shield combo back in the day (before his injuries).

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

That Steppenwolf is a werewolf okay not really, I’m not really about strong head canons that I would ‘die defending’. I just like the thought of him being one because it’d be ironic for his name... and it’s just with me for so long man.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Steppenwolf (Sonic Fandom I guess)- I still don't fully understand why I liked him, I simply did but nowadays I just find the character I made him an extremely interesting character and every time I’ve wrote something or drawn something to try and cheer myself up, it made me feel he’d be a very strong, protective and oddly supportive in his own way. I’m not sure. I’m weird.

Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe Fandom)- I just want her to be happy, I find her really interesting, her powers are really cool and I just want to know how things turn out for her, it just sucks that she tends to disappear for long periods of time.

Angus (Night in the Woods)-He’s a bit underrated but he’s just so cute to me, especially with how others draw him, I love his character and I feel bad for him when he takes about his abusive childhood and issues growing up that made him who he is today, made me want to give him a big hug.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

Well, I feel I can relate to Angus at a few points, always feeling like I have to be the responsible one, being usually quiet and wanting to hide in corners in parties (and your friend that you stick to is your corner in those situations),

I also feel I can relate to Retsuko from Aggretsuko, always trying to keep calm and from losing my temper, also Mister Ton kind of reminds me of my dad at some points... and he can piss me off just as much as he does with Retsuko so yeah.

Part of me also feels like I relate to my version of Rembrandt, he’s an artist, he deals with a lot of emotional issues, he’s insecure about his body size/weight, very motherly/fatherly and protective.

I dunno.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Annoying characters that think they’re full of themselves and practically perfect while thinking everyone else is below them and everyone is unworthy of their ‘greatness’... or mary-sues.

Or just a needlessly dramatic moments or moments of anger and arguments that don’t need to happen.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Kind of the big strong protective one with a heart of gold and is very loving whether they show it or not, or big ass ones who are strong as hell but are really just gentle giants.

And probably monsters stuff like werewolves or stuff but sometimes that can backfire and become annoying.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Team Fortress 2 is one, have a few friends who like that game while I don’t like it much anymore for personal reasons, some horror fandoms like Five Nights at Freddy’s, Little Nightmares all of that. Idk

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

Umm... I always strive to make my Guardians unique in different situations, hell, I imagined they were in certain AU’s or in certain video game situations, like a fighting game, I’d like imagining like ‘finishing moves’ they’d have or the type of weapons they’d have, or even simple stuff like hobbies or favourite foods. Just stuff like that... and I will try everything in my power to be unique, like in my Gem AU, wanted all the gems to be different and at the least unique, and the same with the Monster AU, only Thunder and Steppe’s are the same but they have a difference.

Okay that’s enough. ^^; This was really difficult surprisingly.

#long post #text #charlee rambles #fandom tag #fandom meme

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tgwltw · 7 years

Text

Not over you.

I was binge-watching The Voice and came across Fernando Daniel’s audition where he did a very awesome job with his rendition of Adele’s When We Were Young (which is one of my favourite songs!) and this is the aftermath of watching that movie. Truth be told, this imagine is supposed to be fluffy and fun but somehow, after that video, it turned out like this. This was not proof-read by the way so there might be a lot of mistakes but anyways, hope you enjoy!

MASTERLIST

There is just so much rejection one person can take.

Some might call you a fool for still continuing to pine over someone who clearly has a very obvious crush on another person. Some might even call you stupid or stubborn for still finding opportunities to confess to him even though you have been rejected countless of times. Some might even pity you and your choices but like you always tell your friends, you do not really choose who you fall in love with.

It just sorts of happen, in a blink of an eye. Love hits you during the times you least expect it and although you might not know what ‘love’ really is – this feeling you carry for him feels a whole lot like it. More often than not, your friends try to set you up with other guys just so you could “move on” but after every one of those dates, it just cements the fact that love is not something you can just easily turn off – like a switch. If it is only that easy, you probably would have switched off your feelings for him because being rejected hurts. Unrequited love is just honestly the worst kind of love that has ever existed.

“How many times does this make?” MJ asks when she spies you looking down-trodden and your unusual cheery self. You look up from the ground and give her a smile, attempting to cover the hurt. When MJ gives you a deadpan expression, you know you are not fooling yourself let alone anyone.

At this point, you like to think that Peter Parker has ruined you for everyone else. Those dates your friends set you up in always leave you feeling dissatisfied and at the end of each and every date you have gone to; you always end up comparing all of them to Peter. So much so, you ultimately stopped going on those dates because clearly trying to force yourself to move on is just very hard.

“Probably the fifth – I might have lost count after the third time.” You tell her weakly, chuckling at your luck. Sometimes you do not even know if you are a masochist (who else would be alright with putting themselves through this kind of pain?) or if you are just stubborn (or dumb, either one works well at this point). “What are you doing here anyways?” You ask her, wanting to move on from the topic.

MJ shrugs her shoulders before turning back to her sketch book. “Saw Parker looking constipated after he left, figured it might have something to do with you.” She glances at you and you bite your lower lip as you try to school your expression and still keep the smile on your face. “I was right.”

You would not really consider MJ as your friend just yet – the two of you have never talked prior to your first confession to Peter Parker a few months ago – but she is steadily becoming one. Unlike your other friends, she does not sugarcoat her words and she says them as it is – your friends tend to skirt around the subject when talking to you. You really appreciate her character.

“Yeah.” You murmur before turning to look at your textbook. Despite being able to read all of the words on the pages, you simply cannot comprehend any of them at all. You blink a couple of times and sigh when you still cannot comprehend anything that you have just read so you close your textbook instead. “I think I am done here.”

MJ looks up from her sketchbook before she glances at the clock, a frown creeping on her face. She watches you pack your textbook in to your bag but before you could stand up and leave the table, MJ speaks up. “He does, you know.”

You freeze momentarily before turning to face MJ. “Excuse me?”

MJ sighs before she leans away from the table, picking up her sketchbook. She flips through several pages before landing on the page she was looking for. “Peter.” She shows you this caricature of Peter seemingly pining after you and you honestly did not mean to laugh – because the thought that Peter actually reciprocates your feelings after rejecting you is just really hilarious to you – but you did.

You sit back down in your seat, wiping away the tears that manages to escape your eyes. A few heads turn to look at you but you dismiss them in favour of looking at MJ. “Perhaps in a different universe that might actually be the case, MJ.” You point out. “Even if it is true, how do you know any of these?” You don’t really hang outside of the library as well as your student body office as much as you would have love to so you don’t really know what happens outside.

MJ shrugs her shoulders. “I just observe people a lot – Peter is interesting to observe because he makes this face a lot when it comes to you.” She points to the sketch again and you try to process her words. No matter how much you try, you still could not wrap your head around it so you just shake your head.

“Thank you for trying to cheer me up, MJ.” You tell her and made a move to stand up. “See you around.” MJ nods her head at you. You give her one more smile before walking out of the library, leaving MJ sitting at the table alone with an unfinished sketch.

(“Why would you do that, Peter?” MJ asks as she sits across of Peter and Ned. The two of them exchanged confused looks before turning back to look at MJ. She rolls her eyes. “Why did you reject Y/N again?”

Peter flinches at the sound of your name and he looks away from MJ. Hearing your name fall from MJ’s mouth reminds him of what had transpired earlier that morning – you had confessed your feelings to him (for the fifth time) and he had rejected you. The look of utter hurt and disappointment on your face that you tried your hardest to mask after he had rejected you stayed in his mind.

Truthfully, Peter does not quite understand why he keeps rejecting you. He knows he has some sort of feelings for you – perhaps not ‘love’, Peter doesn’t think he knows what ‘love’ is yet but he knows he likes you more than normal. What is not to like about you? Vice President of the school, steady grades, nice personality – there are a lot of wonderful qualities about you that Peter likes but he just cannot bring himself to accept your confession. Call him scared, Peter would not even mind because he is. Terrified beyond his wits.

Ned looks aghast. “You rejected Y/N again? Dude, that makes it like the fifth?” He stares at Peter in disbelief and Peter groans before slowly nodding his head. Ned groans. “Why would you do that, Peter?” Ned repeats MJ’s question. MJ crosses her arms and leans in, waiting for Peter’s answer.

Peter swallows the lump in his throat and looks at his two friends. “I – I don’t know.” He shakes his head as if to emphasize how he really does not know.

MJ furrows her eyebrows.

Ned is still looking at Peter in disbelief.

“You need to try harder than ‘I don’t know’, Peter. If you don’t like Y/N, maybe you can just tell her upfront and be honest about it. So that she can move on with her life instead of pining after you.”)

A week after you had last confessed to Peter, you decided to do something drastic because after that confession of yours was rejected, you went to a really bad place inside. Despite the cheery disposition you kept whenever you are in school and around friends, back at home, nothing much could distract you from the fact that your first ever crush on someone is really painful and hurts you a lot.

So right when the school ended, you immediately approach Peter just as he is about to leave with Ned in tow. “Peter, I need to talk to you for a moment – you don’t mind, do you?” You address Ned who simply shakes his head. He steps aside, leaving the two of you alone and Peter looks somewhat uncomfortable as he stares at everything and everyone but you.

This hurts you more than you would like to admit but this is the reason why you are here. “I just… I am not going to confess so you don’t have to look so uncomfortable.” You can’t help the spite that left your mouth really but at this point, you really don’t care anymore. Enough is enough.

“Y- you’re not?” Peter’s surprised voice catches you by surprise and you aren’t sure if you are sad or happy so you disregard it completely. “I – I am not! Uncomfortable, I mean.” Peter rubs the back of his neck sheepishly before looking at you. “Y/N, I – I actually…” He trails off when you shake your head.

You need to do this now or you are going to chicken out and continue to hurt yourself. “Every single time I look at you, Peter, I can… I can feel my heart sink because I know you won’t ever like me like I do about you and,” You swallow the lump in your throat as you try your hardest not to tear up. “And even though at first I told myself this is alright – I just, I don’t think I can, at least, not anymore.” You shake your head. Your hands are trembling and you look away from Peter. “Which is why I have decided,” with a heavy heart, you add in your mind, “that I am going to stop liking you, Peter. You won’t see me again after this and thank you so much for entertaining me whenever I confess to you.” You would really love to hate Peter, honestly, you would but Peter has always treated you nicely despite the uncomfortable position you tend to put him through whenever you confess.

Peter is at a loss of words as he stares at you. He wants to say something – to tell you that you are wrong but it’s as if his lips are locked and he suddenly can’t find his voice or find it in him to move his hands to stop you from leaving. All Peter could do is watch you leave and that’s when he realizes that his heart is hurting a lot.

Ned approaches him with a worried look. “What did Y/N say? She ran past me just now.” He mutters – no matter how many times Peter has rejected you, you normally take the time to talk to Ned too because you genuinely find him to be a very funny, albeit nerdy guy.

“I think,” Peter actually has to stop himself from talking for a bit because tears are starting to well up in his eyes so Peter has to blink a couple of times. “I think I just got my heart broken.” He informs Ned numbly and all Ned could do is just stare at Peter in surprise. “And it hurts.”

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trbl-will-find-me · 7 years

Text

100 Questions: Sally

Sally answers 100 questions honestly. Spoilers through chapter twenty-two of Every Exit, An Entrance.

Part 1: The Basics

· What is your full name?

Sally Élise Royston-Martin. There’s a case to be made for Sally Bradford, though.

· Where and when were you born?

April 28, 2017 outside of Montréal

· Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

My biological parents were Édouard Martin and Stephanie Royston; while they never intended to become XCOM operatives, it’s how they met. Papa, who was trained as a physiotherapist, was XCOM’s first psi operative. Maman came from the intelligence community and served XCOM as a sniper. Both were kind, warm people —- I never doubted I was loved or wanted, even if I wasn’t planned. Papa disappeared shortly before I turned four. Maman was taken from me seven years later.

· Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

There’s just me.

· Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

The Avenger. Technically, the Avengers. It’s complicated.

· What is your occupation?

Sniper/Ring master

· Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

Long auburn hair on the redder shade. Brown eyes. Pale, small, wiry. About 5’5”. Shrapnel scars on my right shoulder.

· To which social class do you belong?

Uh ... not the rookies?

· Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

The usual assortment of trauma related baggage, but I’d like to think I carry it well.

· Are you right- or left-handed?

Shoot right, write left.

· What does your voice sound like?

I’ve been reliably informed I still carry a French accent when upset. Otherwise, I sound like Maman.

· What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

“Fuck,” “goddamnit,” and “are you kidding me?”

· What do you have in your pockets?

A knife from Uncle Will, a whistle, a set of lockpicks, a few hair ties, a spare ammo clip.

· Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I’m not great with words, so I tend to be physically affectionate with the people I care the most about. I prefer being up high to being on the ground. I hate when people slurp their soup.

Part 2: Growing Up

· How would you describe your childhood in general?

Unconventional, but happy.

· What is your earliest memory?

Napping on Papa’s chest in the barn.

· How much schooling have you had?

No conventional schooling, so to speak, but Maman made sure I could read, write, and do math. Central did his best to give me a good grounding in American history. Uncle Will is responsible for a lot of my ... more eccentric knowledge. I read just about everything I can get my hands on, too, which helps.

· Did you enjoy school?

I suspect I would not.

· Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

Maman, Central, Will.

· While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

Maman, who never stopped fighting. Uncle Will, who looks concerned every time the topic comes up. And Central. But that’s complicated.

· While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Generally, I got along really well with my parents. It feels a little funny to say that, given that Papa disappeared when I was so young, but it doesn’t feel like a lie. I was very close to Maman and losing her was incredibly difficult. Up until he swan dove off the wagon, I also would have told you I was close with Central, but things on that front are a lot more strained. Will is Will; I think you’ve gotten the picture.

· As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Like Maman. But alive.

· As a child, what were your favorite activities?

We didn’t have a lot of time when I was a kid, but I liked to climb trees and read. As I got older, I grew to like talking to people, picking up new skills, and practicing on whatever makeshift range we had.

· As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

As a little kid, I was quiet. I didn’t really have reason to talk, and the more I talked, the more likely I was to tip my hand about the Gift or XCOM. It was safer to be quiet. I got chattier as I got older, once Maman was gone and controlling my abilities was on me.

· As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

We were on the run a lot. I was good at feigning cute and innocent, so I tended to fly under people’s radar.

· When and with whom was your first kiss?

It was fine.

· Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

It was also fine.

· If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

Psionic family! I was born with the Gift.

Part 3: Past Influences

· What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

Ohhhh boy. Maman’s passing? Meeting Central? Uncle Will falling over in the field? I wouldn’t be me if any of those things hadn’t happened.

· Who has had the most influence on you?

Maman, but also Central. And Will (but, again, he looks worried when I talk about that.)

· What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Untangling French and English enough to talk again after Maman passed.

· What is your greatest regret?

I try not to have those.

· What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

I have done some questionable things when faced with starvation or Central going through withdrawal.

· Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

I’m an XCOM operative. Part of the territory with ADVENT.

· When was the time you were the most frightened?

The instant I knew Maman was gone and I was really alone in the world.

· What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

I’ve had liquid come out my nose more times than I can really make an excuse for.

· If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

I want my parents back. If Papa hadn’t disappeared, Maman wouldn’t have gone after ADVENT like she did.

· What is your best memory?

Hard to say. Lots of my early memories aren’t really mine per se, but I’m in there. Life wasn’t easy, but we were happy. Later on, there’s the time Central broke me into the carousel museum. The summer we spent in Portsmouth. Will in the field. There’s other things too, but those are what most immediately come to mind.

· What is your worst memory?

When I found Central drunk off his ass because he’d relapsed.

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

· Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

I’m an optimist. I believe that as long as we’re still here, we have a chance. The people we love are worth fighting for.

· What is your greatest fear?

Losing the people I care about. It’s already happened twice and the odds of it happening again are close to 100%.

· What are your religious views?

I don’t care. Pascal’s Wager, I guess?

· What are your political views?

Death to ADVENT.

· What are your views on sex?

Please don’t fuck the vipers.

· Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

Yeah, I’ve killed.

· In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

I’ve seen people do horrible things; I try not to dwell on it too much. Selling out the havens to ADVENT certainly ranks up there, though.

· Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

Yeah, I do. I’ve seen proof.

· What do you believe makes a successful life?

If you’ve found people to share it with.

· How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

Situationally. It depends on the audience and the topic, whether it’s something I’ve come to terms with myself or not. Central used to be the person I went to when I needed someone; it tends to be Regan or Will these days, though Wallace and Kelly have both stepped in.

· Do you have any biases or prejudices?

I don’t look kindly on brewers, distillers, or people who hurt others for no reason.

· Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

I won’t betray the people I care about. I’d rather die than cause harm to them.

· Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

The people I love, a chance to put an end to ADVENT.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

· In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

When I was fifteen, I found of book of Jenny Holzer’s work. There was a quote that stuck with me: “turn soft and lovely any time you have the chance.” Everyone’s got their own shit to deal with. I’d rather not add to it ... unless there’s good reason.

· Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Probably Maman. She may not be here anymore, but she was such a influence on the person I became. I’m fighting this war because it’s what she would have done. I can’t give up now.

· Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

It’s a toss up between Regan and Will. They’ve both overcome a lot to be where they are.

· Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

Wallace and Kelly, close to home. I’m lucky enough to have friends among Uncle Will’s people, too.

· Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

Uh, I have a crush or two? Does that count?

· Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

Not enough life experience!

· What do you look for in a potential lover?

Ask me once I’ve had a few.

· How close are you to your family?

My parents are gone, but I was very close to them. Things with Central are a mess, and I’m more upset about that than I necessarily want to think about. As I’ve said, Will is Will.

· Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

No. I’m barely an adult myself.

· Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

Will, Central, Regan, Kelly

· Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Regan, Will ... and Central. Regan’s a good commander. Will and Central have already had to answer that particular challenge.

· If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

Uncle Will. And Central. I’d like to think Regan, Kelly, and Wallace, too.

· Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

He’s already dead. I made sure of it.

· Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

Depends on the person and situation.

· Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

I’ve got a good head in an emergency, so, sometimes. In general, I prefer not to be the center of attention.

· Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

No; it’s too loud.

· Do you care what others think of you?

In the vast majority of cases, no — I’m the one who has to live with my choices. There are notable exceptions, however. I’d rather chew my own tongue out than disappoint Uncle Will ... or Central.

Part 6: Likes And Dislikes

· What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

I like to read and fix things!

· What is your most treasured possession?

There’s a few very important things. I wear Maman’s wedding ring on a chain around my neck, so that’s up there. Central’s St. Christopher (on its fourth war). My bear. The knife from Uncle Will. Papa’s arc thrower.

· What is your favorite color?

Red!

· What is your favorite food?

Uh, so this is weird. I have flashes of other people’s memories —- namely my parents’, but bits of Central’s, too. I have a tremendous fondness for foods I have never eaten and that probably don’t exist anymore: grandmère’s ratatouille, Charlotte Russe, lobster macaroni and cheese. In terms of foods I have actually eaten, chocolate, strawberries, and clementines.

· What, if anything, do you like to read?

I will read anything I can get my hands on. Please, please bring me books.

· What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

I’ve seen a fair number of movies from various sources, and I have memories of my parents’ favorites. I like old black and white comedies a lot, but there aren’t too many left. As for music, I so rarely get to hear it that it’s become a case of all music is good music.

· Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

I don’t drink. Cigarette smoke makes me gag. Drugs would be a fucking stupid idea.

· How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

If I’m not on duty, I like to read, play cards, visit, or spend time on the range.

· What makes you laugh?

Good wordplay. Making fun of Thomas. Gallows humor.

· What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

I thought I was going to throw up the first time I saw the Reapers spitroasting a Chryssalid.

· What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

I roam the ship or read.

· How do you deal with stress?

Shooting practice!

· Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

I fall somewhere in between. Sometimes, I want a plan and I want it to be watertight. Other times, I’d rather just rush in and deal with the fallout as it comes. Overthinking’s a nasty trap.

· What are your pet peeves?

Drinking, people who slurp their soup, unwarranted arrogance

Part 7: Self Images And Etc.

· Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

Get up, brush my teeth, put my hair up, work, eat at some point, play cards/read/or chat to relax, shower, bed. If that changes, it’s because something’s gone wrong; I’m usually too busy handling it to process anything beyond surviving.

· What is your greatest strength as a person?

My belief in something better.

· What is your greatest weakness?

I don’t always see the big picture. At my worst, I leap before I look.

· If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’d be taller.

· Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Introverted.

· Are you generally organized or messy?

Organized, but only I understand the system.

· Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Good: Shooting, cheating at poker, swearing in French

Bad: Judgment, subtlety, dealing with Thomas

· Do you like yourself?

That’s a level of self-reflection I try not to reach.

· What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

Family, loyalty, revenge, hope.

· What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Seeing Earth freed from alien influence.

· Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Hopefully, celebrating a world free of ADVENT.

· If you could choose, how would you want to die?

Old age.

· If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

I don’t know that I’d have the presence of mind to have a good plan. Probably write people notes because saying goodbye is hard. Parcel off my trinkets to the right homes. And, if death is really, really inevitable? Maybe I’d take the DJ up on his advice and go punch a peacekeeper.

· What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

If I go out fighting, I’d better have a pretty badass death — maybe taking an Elder out with me? Otherwise, for the good I did.

· What three words best describe your personality?

Cheerful, loyal, stubborn

· What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Sweet, stubborn, determined

· What advice would you give to another?

If it smells like turpentine, don’t drink it.

#every exit an entrance #sally talks

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becausetheysing · 7 years

Note

Hello! Can I have a BTS reaction of them cheating on their s/o and breaking up and her moving on and them trying to get her back? Something angst! Thank you!!😘

Yes yes~ I’ll make it super angsty.

Also, I tend to make (Y/n) a girl, since I-myself-am a girl. If y’all fellas have a request please don’t be shy~ Tell me you would like a request where (Y/n) is a male, I don’t want y’all to feel left out.

BTS: Reaction to cheating on you and breaking up with you. You move on and they try to get you back. But they can’t have you back because… (aka the longest title in history)

♥Jin: What was wrong with him? How could he do such an awful thing to the most beautiful, genuinely sweet person in the world? He betrayed the definition of perfect. How could he ever convince you to come back to him? After a long hard day of work and overthinking, he headed to the apartment you shared many memories in. The same “Welcome” mat was in front of the door, and he almost immediately cried. He thought of all the times he’s tripped over that thing, and the times you’d cutely stomp your wet shoes on it before walking inside.

He had the balls to knock on that door. He tapped his foot as he counted the seconds it took for the door to be answered. Staring at the ground he thought of running, but it was too late when he saw light in front of him. He lifted his head and went to speak, but there he saw a shirtless man, running his fingers through his hair.

“Babe? Who is it?” Your voice sounded from the kitchen. Jin’s heart shattered to pieces.

“Uhmm… Just tell her this is for her.” Jin said in a soft voice before lifelessly blowing a kiss. He then turned and walked away.

♥Yoongi: He knew he messed up. He knew from the start that it was a bad idea. But he was possessed by another woman, and intoxicated. It’s been months since he’s seen you and with each passing minute he felt himself breaking apart from the inside out. He needed you, he craved your sweet sweet smiles and kisses. He knew how you’d react, he knew he’d only get pushed away but he had to try. He missed you, and he still loved you.

He walked up to your front door, but there was a vacant sign. He went on a crazy hunt for you, asking all your friends and parents what couldn’t happened to you. But all they did was give him dirty looks.

“Why don’t you check the bone-yard? You filthy dog.” Your father responded to him. But what Yoongi didn’t understand was, the truth in that statement. His last destination, the graveyard, is where he fell to pieces. A tombstone that had your name was the last thing he expected. You were killed in an accident. Yoongi felt as if he truly did betray you. If he didn’t leave you, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe you both would’ve gotten killed and he’d still be happily with you wherever you ended up.

Hey laid next to your grave and cried silently, occasionally letting out whimpers and slowly falling into a deep sleep.

♥Namjoon: It all started with that party. He remembered clearly, the words you spoke to him before he left. “Be careful Joonie~ Don’t drink too much. Call me when you need to pick me up. And no other girls ok?” Your voice was so sweet, how could he promise you he’d stay loyal to your words, but break it so easily? He met a tall, blonde girl at the party. Nice legs, nice breasts, how could he resist? After that night, it slowly became more than just sex. And he told you about it. He felt so right but so wrong. And after a month of not seeing you, he realized he seriously fucked up.

He was in deep emotional shit. Staring at his lifeless self in the mirror. Scruff outlining his face and the scent of alcohol lingering in the air. He felt petite arms wrap around him and he felt angry. It was her fault that he left the most wonderful woman in the world. He threw her arms off him and ran outside. White t-shirt, red boxers, and no cares in the world. He wanted you back.

He drove to your house, crying and thinking of what to say. His mind was scrambled. He got to your house, and eyed you as you pulled fresh oranges out of the orange tree you raised together since you were kids. He smiled big, but his smile completely went away when he saw a man come up behind you and hug you tight. He was squeezing you and spinning you, and you were genuinely laughing. You moved on. His heart broke into the tiniest pieces and he watched you for a long time before driving up a mountain, somewhere he went with you all the time to forget the bad things in life.

♥Hoseok: You were his hope. And that’s saying a lot, considering he WAS hope himself. You’ve helped him through so much, the good and the bad, and you never left his side. But he left yours. A 3 month long tour, and he met a girl in Jamaica. God was she beautiful. But no matter how beautiful he thought she was, his mind kept wondering back to you. He loved how happy and bright you were all of the time. How shameless you were, and how you were just yourself all of the time.

His Jamaican girlfriend moved to Seoul to be with him, but he felt wrong about it. As he laid in bed with her arms wrapped around him, he thought of you, sleeping all cute and cuddled up to that teddy bear he bought you when you were sick. He started to smile and noticeably, he started crying. He kissed his girlfriend to try and forget. After a ton of perfect kisses, he made his decision. “I don’t love you.” He told her honestly. He stood up and got dressed. He had to see your beautiful smile even if you just rejected him. He stopped at a store for flowers, where he strangely ran into you. “(Y/n)…” He whispered and grabbed your hands, tearing up. “Baby it’s me-it’s Hobi-” He was cut off when a man wrapped his arm around your neck.

“Is this guy bothering you darling?” The man spoke to you in such a way that made Hoseok want to strangle him. Of course, he wouldn’t go to such measures.

“No, I think he’s just confused…” You gave Hoseok a sympathetic look, but you couldn’t forget what he did to you. So you shook his hands off and wrapped your arm around your boyfriends torso. “Let’s go.” You walked off with him, not even caring to glance back. You left Hoseok there, wrecked as if he’d just been hit by lightening.

♥Jimin: It’s like he was being haunted. Every time he slept, or had sex with his girlfriend, or ate a meal… anything he did, he thought of you. He thought he was over you. So he decided to go to see you. He wanted to tell you how he felt, and that he wanted you to get out of his head. But the second he saw your gorgeous face, he started remember. He was so, helplessly in love. “Oh, Jimin? Do you need something?” The way you spoke to him as if nothing happened between you hurt him so much.

“(Y/n) do you hate me?” He asked, his voice cracking. You just smiled in response.

“You know I don’t hate anyone. I… I hate what you did. But, Jimin I’m over it. We just weren’t meant to be is all.” You said while putting potted flowers on shelves in your flower shop that you once owned together. He panicked as you spoke. You were over him??

“No, (Y/n) I still love-” He was cut off by the bell, letting you know a customer entered the building.

“Oh~ Hi baby!” You said with the cutest tone that drove Jimin crazy. Only this time, the crazy it drove him was negative. He saw you run into the arms of a guy he’s never seen before. He was so heart broken.

“I’ll leave…” He said quietly, in his deep accented voice before storming out of the building.

♥Taehyung: He tapped his pencil against his lined paper gently, getting more furious as time passed by. He was writing out a list. he was hoping that writing out a list of all the bad things you’ve done to him would help him forget about you so he could go along with his new girlfriend. He couldn’t think of a single thing. All he thought of was positives. The time you picked him up from dance practice with Boba tea, and all the times you stood backstage just to hear the same songs over and over again, all for him. Every sound you made, every step you took. Every time your soft lips touched his own.

He started melting into his thoughts, and he laid his head on his paper that had a single word on it, “(Y/n).” He started chuckling every time he thought of a cute memory. His eyes filled with tears, and soon his paper was soaked. He could no longer write on it. He grabbed his phone and chewed on his lip roughly. He stared at your contact, which still had that cursed picture of you two kissing. He hesitantly but surely clicked the call button.

Ring… ring… rin- “Hello? Taehyungie?” You answered the phone in a tired. voice.

“(Y/n)… I uh, I know it’s late… But I wanted to talk to you…” He mumbled.

“Yeah sure, hold on just a sec. Hey baby, I’ll be right there let me just take this call.” You spoke away from the phone, but Taehyung clearly heard you. His breath hitched and he thought he lost himself for a moment.

“Baby?” He carefully asked.

“Yeah, I’m going out tonight for my 2 month with my boyfriend. Anyway, what was it that you needed?” You asked through the phone. He couldn’t answer. He quickly hung up the phone and started to slowly hyperventilate. How could this happen to him? He officially lost the best thing that has ever happened to him…

♥Jungkook: He was paralyzed. Standing in front of a woman he thought he loved, and holding her hands, his voice caught in his throat. The audience waited a whole minute before his wife-to-be cleared her throat at him. He refocused, and immediately said, “I can’t marry you.” He let go of her hands. He knew the real love of his life was probably laying on her couch, watching some sad movie like she did the past 2 months after the breakup.

He knew he cheated, he knew he did wrong but he needed to get you back, he was determined. He walked into your work, remembering your exact days and hours. As he stood in front of your office door, his soul left his body. There was a table set up with pictures and notes. Flowers even. His voice became uneven and he asked one of your coworkers where you were.

“You didn’t know? Well she… she died a few weeks ago. I heard it was suicide but I’m not too sure.” She said nonchalantly and shrugged. She then continued on her day, not caring about the boy who was having a practical mental breakdown in the office. He cried in front of the table, staring at a specific picture of you and him. He couldn’t believe that picture even still existed.

“Gone…” He whispered to himself over and over again as he slowly realized that he truly lost you for good. He let his world slip right through his fingers. When he went home that night, he sat in front of a candle in the middle of his room, that being the only light source he got. It was your favorite scent. “I’m sorry (Y/n)… I’ll see you soon.” And a trigger was pulled.

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haidenschreave · 7 years

Text

The Final Confession

A/N: Sorry it’s taken so long, everyone! Finals have been killing me, but I finally got this out. It’s a long one, so sit tight. Thank you for being on this journey with me, and feel free to send me any questions or concerns you have afterwards. Also, don’t forget to sign up for Alex’s Selection! (More under the cut)

Everything will be all right.

It’s a sweet voice, one that’s very familiar. It’s the voice that rocked me to sleep as a child, the slight accented lilt that I love so much. It’s soft, beckoning; I want to go to it. More than anything.

But then, just like that, it’s gone.

I think and rack my brain for any memory of that voice, of my mother’s face, her soft touch. I want it back. I want it back so badly. I just want to see her one more time.

Times like these are always the hardest—when it’s morning and I can’t seem to find the will to get out of bed. It’s all so monotonous. I sit up, I stand, I put one foot in front of another. Sometimes it’s comforting to know that my life takes only three steps to start. Other times it feels like those three steps feel like a marathon.

It’s one of those days. I lie in bed, the sun already shining in my eye. It hurts. I hurt. It’s not a physical pain, but one that I can just… feel. It creeps up my body and infects everywhere until I’m completely numb.

I hear her voice again.

Get up. Do it again. It’s firmer, darker this time. Not quite mean, just strict. It’s comforting her. I’ve heard that tone many times throughout my lessons and sporting activities. Every time she does it, I want to bite back and say no. I want to curl up into a ball and shut down. But there’s that voice in the back of my mind that says, Get the fuck up. It’s not my mother’s.

It’s mine.

I curl my fingers into my sheets and pull myself up.

I walk down the hallway, counting my steps. It passes the time much better than I expected, but it’s not as easy to avoid people. I’m desperate for a distraction, but I’d rather it not come in a human form, particularly a female human form that’s supposed to be my future wife.

It’s probably not good to be avoiding my soon-to-be fiancée, but I can’t help it. I need to be alone sometimes, and that happens to be a lot. I don’t understand how I’m going to get through married life.

Hell, it’s hard to even imagine married life. I can’t even make myself think about my engagement. My stomach clenches every time it crosses my mind. It’s a different kind of pain, one you get from that little voice telling you you’re not worth it. The thing about that is that you have to ignore it, no matter how right it is.

Just keep walking, I tell myself, ignoring the voice. Just put one foot in front of the other.

As I do so, I feel a small bump against my shoulder and look up to see a slightly familiar face. “Oh, Prince Haiden,” Samantha Sinclair looks up at me, her eyes wide. “I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, my mind’s been elsewhere. You seem distraught, I know it’s a stupid question given the circumstances, but are you alright?”

I want to laugh at the words. Am I alright? Of course not, but I’m not telling her that, considering I don’t know her at all. I leave it to a simple, “Oh, no, my bad. Samantha, right?”

“Uh, yeah, Samantha. I believe we met briefly during the thing with the past selected. Your father asked me and my mothers to stay for some reason. He's been so occupied with... other things though so I haven’t really had the chance to speak with him.”

That does strike me as strange. My father likely wouldn’t ask a past Selected that is rightfully known as a drama queen to stay longer for no good reason. I can only imagine the amount of gossip that’s circulating around right about now. “Hm, weird, but not uncommon.” Such a lie. “He tends to get caught up in things.” Not a lie. “How are you enjoying the palace?”

She smiles, her wild eyes darting around the hall. “It's nice. I miss my home a little my family and I live by the ocean, so it’s always very quiet, and not that many people visit so all of the people here are a bit confusing. But considering I've been here awhile, I’m starting to get used to it. Anywho. The big choice is coming up right, not to sound like a rabid reporter, but how are feeling about it?”

I’ve been asked this question again and again and again by everyone from reporters to my best friend. I’m certain they’re more excited about it than I am. I let out a fake laugh. “Uh, would sick be an okay way to describe it?” That’s the only feeling I have.

She laughs. “Totally. I think I'd hate it if I had to make a decision so soon. Takes me 4 hours to decide between one food or another.”

I shrug, looking off into space. “I just… wish I had more time.”

“Well, who says you have to pick so soon? This thing doesn’t have to end until you feel certain it should, right?” She’s right. Absolutely right. But I can’t bring myself to have this go on any longer.

“It doesn't have to, but with everything happening. I just think it's best to end it while we're ahead. Even if it means I'm unsure.” Even if I don’t love them.

“Okay, then why not try to be more sure. What helps me with tough choices is to first flip a coin. Pick heads or tails for my choices, then whichever I get it shows what I really want. If I get tails but I really want heads, then I'll pick heads. It’s a way of letting fate pick for you without ending up with a choice you dislike.”

“I… guess you’re right.” I’d heard rumors of Samantha Sinclair’s idiocy, but I don’t get where they came from. She is smart, just in a way most people don’t understand. Kinda like Eloise. “How old are you, Samantha?”

“I'm twenty years old, why? And I think I've got a coin in some pocket.” She feels her dress for a moment before sighing. “Hmm, well, I forgot dresses don’t have pockets. Well, I have some coins in my room, some from other countries, I like to collect them. Anyways, we can use one of those, come with me.” She pulls on my arm and I immediately follow.

“Um, all right,” I mumble. Not necessarily how I wanted to spend my day, but there can be worse company. At least I don’t have to be afraid of offending her.

Her hand is still on my arm, coaxing me to follow. “You sure don't talk too much. My mother said King Ashton's the same way.” I want to laugh. If only she knew. “I can't seem to shut my mouth though, I find silences to be awkward and depressing.” She shrugs. “Should we let a new asia coin decide things, an illean coin, or a german federation coin. I have those three here with me since they were in my purse when I came.”

“I guess Illéan.” Might as well use the coin of my country to pick my wife. “And I know I don't talk much. I think silences are... comforting.”

“Really? I always think the other just dislikes me or is judging me when they’re quiet.” She laughs a bit, but it’s not one of humor. “There's plenty of me to be judgmental about.”

I know that voice. Not her actual voice, but the one inside her head. It’s one I feel every second of every day. That horrible, self-deprecating voice that just ruins you from the inside it. I know deep down it will never go away no matter what anyone says, but I just have to try.

“Nah, I couldn’t believe that.” I want to say more, do more, but I don’t know her or what she feels. I could ruin her self-confidence just as easily.

“Trust me. Both of my parents are amazing. My mother so smart, and my other is like super athlete and politician. But the most I can do is flip a coin.”

No, no, no, no.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” Her casual façade is cracking, and I can easily see the hurt inside her eyes.

“It very much is. I still haven’t even picked a job so I'm living with them. My mom would probably be glad to take care of me till the day of her death, though my other mother wants me to make something of my life. I've never even really been able to consider anything because my skillset is worse than that of a fish. I'm sure you're used to being compared to your parents, though you unlike me actually have some skill.” She gives a casual little laugh, as if trying to brush off the subject.

“Oh, please, you might just be a late bloomer,” I say. “I'm sure you have at least a few things you're good at.”

“Yeah you're right I do have a few: coin flipping, talking, and walking. Golly-jee already up to three.” Another fake laugh. “Anyways, my room is here, you can come in if you want, I have a chair in the corner you can sit in while I get the coin.”

I follow her inside the room and sit where she directed me to. As I do, she reaches into her nightstand drawer and pulls out a coin. “Righty, the remaining girls are mila anddd nnnnnaomi right. I think, I’m not the best with names.”

I smile lightly. “You’re right.”

“Great. Heads will be Mila, and tails will be Naomi. And you do not have to tell me which one wins this, however I will technically know who wins the flip. But remember go with your gut. If you feel upset with the results your guts telling you that you like the other girl more.”

I let out a breath. So this is it, huh? This is how I pick? “Okay, got it.”

She flips the coin and catches it. “Alrightyyyy.” She tells me the name and I nod. Good, good, it’s okay. This is fine.

“There did that help at all?”

I nod, but I quickly stop and furrow my eyebrows. “Wait, how did you know it was Mila or Naomi?” I hadn’t mentioned that Sophie was already gone. Not for real, but in my list of options. We’d talked about it. It was hard, but I didn’t want to lead her on any more than I already have.

“Oh, well, I said earlier heads is Mila, tails is Naomi.”

“I know, but there are three girls left.” I smirk. “Or is that just women's intuition?”

“Huh. Ahhh I completely forgot about the third. But considering you didn’t correct me sooner I’m guessing she isn’t the top one on your mind. Or yesh women’s intuition let’s add that to my skill list.”

I roll my eyes playfully. “You got me. And come on, surely you have more? Can you hold alcohol well?” I should probably be concerned that’s the first thing that comes to my mind, but it’s a skill.

“Hah well, my mother never let me drink so I’m not too sure about that.”

“Seriously? What kind of mother do you have?” A reasonable one, probably.

“Hah, one who believes alcohol only leads to bad choices. Your father told me she used to be a party animal though.” I’d heard of Gracebella Sinclair’s wild side from a few older ladies that apparently were her maids. Samantha laughs. “Can you hold yours?”

“Let's just say I have two parents with extremely high tolerances.” I don’t mention my mother could drink my father under the table.

“Ah, so that’s a yes. I assume I do not, once I snuck a glass of champagne at someone’s wedding and was already tipsy from just one.” Ah, so she’s a lightweight.

I shrug. “Technically I'm supposed to be getting sober, but there's no fun in that.”

“Well why not just try to minimize the amount that your drink till eventually you barely drink rather than just going like cold turkey.”

A decent suggestion, but problematic considering the type of person I am. “Because I have no self-control.”

She giggles. “Ah such a wonderful trait for an heir. How about you take a rubber band and like hit yourself with it when you drink to associate pain with it.”

“Well, I'm a masochist so that wouldn't help.” A little known fact about me. Physical pain never bothered me. In fact, it was kinda nice. It’s the constant numbing pain in my mind that’s the problem.

She snickers. “Welp, there goes half my plans. Wouldn’t want the little prince to be enjoying himself too much.”

“What about you? Do you take pleasure in pain or something else entirely?” I don’t realize the implication until after I’ve said it. I force myself not to blush.

“Ah well, little prince, I think that's a conversation I'd enjoy, but in very different circumstances,” Samantha replies with a quick wink. “Anyways. Prince Haiden Schreave, the masochist. Would you like to see some of my coins? I have a very rare one from New Asia.”

“I would absolutely love to see your coins.”

She opens her nightstand drawer again and pulls out her coins. “I got one of the guards to bring them from my house with some other personal things, I enjoy counting them before bed and organizing them. The ones on my left are from New Asia. As you can see I even have some from when China and Japan were still around.”

I hadn’t seen coins this old since I was little, and that was obviously a very long time ago. “A very strange hobby, I'll admit, but interesting.”

“A lot of these coins I could sell for a ton of money too, thus if I keep them for even longer I can be rich.”

“Patience is key, I guess? I wouldn't be very good at coin collecting.”

“Get them when you’re drunk and hide them from yourself so they age. Though if you have a high alcohol tolerance that might be hard.”

“No, it'd just be more fun. Try mixing vodka, whiskey, and rum sometime. It's great.”

“What are those? You can mix drinks?” I want to laugh. There’s such an innocence about her, but it’s not annoying.

“It’s okay. You’re too young.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “You know, I may not know how to cook, but I can make a mean martini.” My parents really should not have let me drink.

Samantha giggles. “Prove it.”

“I don’t want your mothers to murder me.” Yanely Genovious is 5’9” without heels, a gymnast, apparently also an excellent kickboxer and Gracebella Sinclair is just plain terrifying.

“They don’t have to know. Plus one of them is fine with it.”

“Let me guess which one,” I say, a hint of a smile on my lips. It’s nice to forget the world for a bit, even if it’s with a girl I’m not even supposed to be with. Honestly, I’m probably in a very inappropriate situation and if the press found us it’d be a disaster. But I’ll let myself have my moment of peace and… happiness.

She sits on her bed and snorts. “You hardly know them I doubt you could.”

“Well, one dresses all professional and gives the mom look. The other one I've seen talking up Hux with a bottle of vodka, so I think I very much could.”

“Ah true. Yan-yan isn’t very clean on anything.”

“What exactly does your mom do?”

“Well, she’s primarily a politician. I think my other mother lets her take a lot of the wins so they don't fight being they share the same occupation and community. But she's very busy do to that. I think they're supposed to be like a bad cop good cop due but the only one I really get to see is bad cop.”

Yikes.

“Was she the Yanely Genovious that helped my father pass that women's and sexual health act?” I don’t even know why I have to ask. I was only three years old when it was passed, but I’d learned about it during my schooling. It had all seemed very strange at the time, but I never really thought about it again.

“Probably. She was very into womens sex rights. My other mother helped with rape laws for awhile and they kept this very sexually graphic poster they made toge—nevermind don't wanna scar you.”

“They... sound very happy. So they met together... in my father's Selection?” I already know this, but it still strikes me as really strange. I mean, two girls who go after the same guy somehow fall in love with each other? It sounds like something out of a weird novel.

Samantha, shrugs. “I suppose. They don’t talk much about your fathers selection so I don’t know a lot about how they came to meet and loved each other. It makes my 'bad cop' mother depressed to talk about it. I don’t know why. At first I thought maybe she really did love your father and she just wasn’t over him. But Yanely told me it was something like they have a secret and she hates keeping secrets and it reminds her of it. Very vague. But due to that I don’t ask much about it.”

“It seems like a painful time. I'd... hate to have my heart broken. It's just nice to hear that even through all the trials and tribulations, they're still together.”

She laughs, but it’s not genuine. “Maybe. I think it'd be simple to say she’s just upset by a broken heart and being reminded of it. I personally think there’s more to it, and both of them know about it. I actually lied to my mother to get her to let me come. I acted like a fangirl of your father because I knew then she’d let me see him. And I can add onto my skills from earlier that I can tell when someone is lying or hiding something. But he didn’t seem to be. So maybe mom just told me that there was something more so I wouldn’t bother mother anymore. But my gut still says otherwise.”

“You should listen to your own advice, Samantha.” I grab her coin and toss it up in the air, catching it in my hand.

“Ah, well I would. But I’m afraid my choices aren’t very clear. They’re less of what I want, and more of what’s the truth. I can't use a coin and my feelings to determine the truth. It’s something i need to look for and find. I think your father wants me to find it. That’s why he asked me to stay. My mother doesn’t like me being here so she doesn’t want me to figure it out. I heard them fighting in a hallway earlier. I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I dont think ive ever heard my mother speak so coldly to another. I’m surprised your father didn’t force her to leave. He easily could have.” She takes the coin back and starts to fiddle with it.

I let out a fake chuckle. “My father may be a lot of things, but he's definitely not boring.”

“Ah, and forcing her to leave would have been the boring option? I’d think it would have made a scene. Or are you saying the whole ordeal of the argument of truth which I suspect is present is not boring?”

“Both.”

She sighs. “Do you have any idea what they could be hiding?”

“Do you really want to know?”

She gives me a side-eye. “You say that like it’s a truly awful thing. If it were so bad that I wouldn’t want to know I’m sure that your father would agree with my mother. So yes, I want to know.” I’m taken back by the sudden snap. She always seems so collected and giddy, almost like a child.

“Fair enough,” I mumble.

She looks over at me. “So do you know?”

I’ve heard rumors. A lot, actually. There are a lot of maids who still talk about what happened in my father’s Selection. It was a large event, one of the biggest ever in fact. I hear people still talking how particularly awful this one girl is or the influx of condoms that were used. It was no secret that my father slept with a few girls, but I had always assumed they were just once or twice. I keep thinking about it and…

“No,” I say.

“You made it sound like you did. Oh well. Well, to talk your mind off of things do you wanna help me figure it out?”

“Can we? It seems like you're stumped.”

Samantha smiles, genuinely this time, the childish spunk coming back. “Well, I had an idea earlier. But I was worried I'd get in trouble. I was thinking about watching all of the old videos on your fathers selection. Since it seems everyone who knows knew from then. There might be clues in that. But I didn’t want them to record that I had gotten them from the archives then that’d get to my mother. But if you do it it'll look like you’re just getting help on your selection.”

I laugh lightly, shaking my head. “Who said you're not smart like your mom?”

“IQ tests. Anyway, the sooner the better, right?”

We leave, and I count my steps.

That’s how many tapes we watch. Each one consists of three reports and a couple interviews from the girls and my father. It’s strange seeing him bright-eyed and fresh, but I try not to think about it too much. I see nothing I didn’t already know about, but that doesn’t stop the hurt in my chest when we come across an interview from my mother.

I immediately stop it.

Samantha sighs, leaning against the armrest of her seat. “Well, apparently my clean mom was a skank, and my good cop mom was a depressing drunkass, and your dad was a playboy and your mom was socially awkward.”

I ignore the comment about my mother. She’s not lying though. Must be where I get it. “Did that help anything besides realizing our parents are ridiculous trashbags?”

“Mmm not much. But hey maybe it’ll make you feel better since apparently your mom was not a favourite then, but people loved her.”

I avert my eyes and look at my feet. That name, God. It still hurts. “Yeah.”

Samantha laughs awkwardly. “Ah, I'm sorry. That was meant to make you feel better.” She pauses for a moment. “I bet my mom cheated on ashton.”

“With your other mom?” I ask, a little confused.

“No, a man. Think about it. I know I’m not adopted but she tells me to say am because my age doesn’t match up. And if I don’t, I lie about my birthday because I was… conceived...towards the end of her stay at the palace. Which means she had to be sleeping with another man. That would explain a lot. Why she never even lets me try to find my father. Since it would destroy her life if the public found out.”

Now that catches me by surprise. But I know it shouldn’t at this point. “You know that makes a lot of sense, but I don't know if it would ruin her. It's not like my dad would press charges or anything.”

“He might not. But there are plenty of people who hate my family because of the progressions of my mothers in law. They would harass us.”

“I guess that's a concern.” I stare at her for a moment. The rumors I hear flash through my head again.

“Remember that Gracebella Sinclair?”

“Oh, the one who slept with the prince?”

“Yes! Remember that time I saw him leaving her room?”

“God, yes. The girls had a fit about it. You know, sometimes I wonder if that child of hers—Samantha, I think—is secretly his. That couldn’t be, though.”

But could it?

“Samantha…” I trail off.

She doesn’t hear me. “Well, I guess I’m satisfied now. That was easier than I expected. And I've attempted to help you with your issue via coins so it looks like problems worked out.”

“Samantha,” I say again, a bit louder.

She looks at me. “Yep, that’s my name.”

“When were you conceived again?” It’s a weird question to ask, but… I need to make sure.

“Towards the end of your fathers selection. Which would be why it was cheating.”

I’m silent for a moment, fiddling with my own armrest. I don’t want to keep thinking about this. It’s painful to think that maybe… No, I have to ask. Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I-I have to. “Well, what if it wasn't cheating?” I ask, my voice low.

She laughs. “It was. My mother might not be the best, but she wouldn’t keep something like that a secret.”

I hesitate for a moment before saying, “But would she?”

Samantha snaps her head around to look at me. There’s an angry glint in her eyes. “She wouldn’t. There’s no reason for her to anyways. She wouldn’t do something like that so drop it Haiden.”

I hold my hands up in surrender. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

She sighs. “I'm going to tell her I know she cheated and ask to meet him. She always told me he was an asshole golfer from Clermont. But obviously he wouldn’t be at the palace. So she lied, probably to distance him from her and make cheating seem impossible. She'll tell me now that I know at least a little bit of it. I’m sorry for being stern about that, I just think that’d be a horrible thing to do. Especially to you. I can’t imagine her doing that and you suggesting it just makes me feel sick.”

“I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset yo—” I cut myself off when the door flies and none other than Yanely Genovious appears with a bottle a vodka in one hand and a bottle of rum in another.

“Sammy! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!” she shouts, a little too loudly for my taste.

“Haiden and I were just watching some old videos from your selection,” Samantha says. “Actually I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Oh, sure, honey!” She sits on a chair and giggles. “So what were you doing with little Hai Hai here?” Ugh, that nickname.

“Well, I was looking into that secret that you mentioned mother and King Ashton having. She cheated on him during the selection, right? Which is how I came to be.”

She laughs loudly. “Oh, that? Pfft, it's so funny, let me tell you. It starts out with your mom being a skank.” Samantha smirks a little. “She had sex with this one's—” She points to me “—father within like a week.”

“Ah right,” Samantha mumbles. “I heard there were rumors of that. But I’m assuming she stopped upon realizing she liked someone else. Then before she left because she knew she was going to be eliminated she had sex with him.”

I sit back and listen to Yanely’s explanation. It’s… very bizarre, but it didn’t seem like anything too scandalous. At least until I hear on particular comment: “Aw, sweetie, you're... too young. Wait, what were kids you doing again? We don't need an incest rumors.”

“Incest?” Samantha and I say at the same time.

Yanely giggles a bit. “Of course, silly. He's your brother, isn't he?” She gasps before giggling again. “Whoops I don't think I was supposed to say that.”

My head is running in circles. Did I hear that right? Did she just say—?

Samantha doesn’t seem convinced either. “Uh, no he’s not. I mean look at us. I’m white.” She really isn’t that smart, is she?

“Well, so is your—I mean, Haiden's dad.”

And just when I think things can’t get any worse, Gracebella Sinclair walks in the room. “Hi sweetie, I was just looking for this old drunk hag. Hope she wasn’t bothering you and your new…” Her eyes land on me, and she glares. “Friend.”

Samantha rolls her eyes and glances at Yanely. “Mother, mom is being crazy and drunk and babbling worthless stuff. You should take her to a room to sleep.”

Yanely grabs onto her partner and starts whining. “But Graceyyy I'm not lying! I accidentally told her Haiden's her brother and she won't believe me!”

Gracebella laughs loudly. “Why in the world would you even say that? There’s no way anyone in their right mind would believe that or even think it for a moment.”

Am I in my right mind? Why… why do I believe her?

Samantha turns to me. “I'm sorry for my mom, she gets a little wild and starts making things up after too much to drink. Just ignore her, she'll be gone in a bit.”

Gracebella looks at me. “Right. Plus Haiden. You could ask your father, I'm sure he'd never do anything wrong ever like lie to you.” There’s a hint of bitterness in her voice. It’s at this moment, I know I’m right. “Come on yan-ham,” Gracebella says, turning to her wife.

I shake my head and quickly grab Samantha’s arm before she leaves. “Samantha, wait.”

“Yes, Haiden. Oh, do you still have my coin? Since my collection wouldn’t be complete without it?”

I dig in my pocket until I feel the cool metal against my fingertips. “Trust your gut remember, not matter what the coin says.” I press it into her hand.

Samantha stares at me for the longest moment. And when I look into her eyes, I know. I know it’s true. She lets out a single sigh before flipping the coin, then immediately throwing at Gracebella Sinclair. “Why, why did you lie to me? Give me a good reason. Haiden deserves one too. You decided for him he would be the heir, and you decided for me I would be nobody. You never even let me have a friend till I was 16. Do you even know how hard that was for me? And all so you could hide me and keep me like your toy. I am not your possession and I want to know why you made this happen!”

Gracebella stares at her, jaw slacken, speechless. Finally, she lets out a defeated sigh and turns to me. “I just didn’t want her to grow up like you, okay? It seemed better to not think of you as a person and to let someone else take the fate and the life you have instead of Samantha.” She turns back to her daughter. “I just wanted to protect you.”

Samantha growls. “Bullshit, I bet you just wanted to protect your 'legacy' or whatever of free choice. You were really against the monarchy when I was born, right? People actually listened to your ideas and having a kid related to the king sure as hell wasn’t going to help your career. You couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me.”

I want to hear more. I want her to yell at her and blame her for everything. But I can’t. I hate that feeling. And even though I’m upset at Gracebella and my father for keeping this a secret, I can’t help but feel like this is going too far. As much as this is a mistake, Gracebella genuinely does care for her daughter.

I set a hand on her shoulder. “Samantha…”

She turns to me. “How can you be okay with this? Haven’t you ever wanted to not be the heir? To not have to worry about the things you do? It’s great because now you have someone to blame. It’s her fault.”

“Samantha, I know you're upset. You have every right to be. But maybe we should talk about this. With everyone.” I want to talk to my father. I want a reason, and I want the truth. For once, I don’t need a bullshit excuse about why he’s busy. For once, I just need the truth.

“Everyone. Who else would there be to talk with, let alone talk about? The damage is done, she chose to act the way she did and I think she needs to stop acting like a child for once and accept the fact that she made a mistake. And just because she dresses and talks like an adult doesn’t mean she is one.”

I sigh. “Maybe you should get some air. Calm down, you know?” The last thing we need are two angry Sinclairs fighting it out in the movie theater.

“I am perfectly calm.”

“I don’t think you are.”

Samantha lets out a sigh and glances at her mother. “Fine. I’d rather be anywhere than with her.”

She follows me, tears silently streaming down her face.

“Hey, uh, Dad, could I talk to you?” He hadn’t noticed me before then, his eyes focused intently on the paper he held in his hand, but he looks up at me now as I stand awkwardly in the doorway of his office.

He’s tired. I can tell by the way he slouches the slightest bit. I almost don’t want to have this conversation, but I can’t hold back any longer. I’m… I’m running out of time.

I don’t know how to start this conversation. I haven’t known how to start it for ten years, but there’s not point in holding back. I’m 20 years old. I am a man. I am an adult. I can talk to my own father for once in my life. But when I look at him now, all I see is Samantha. “I-I know things have been tense since Mom, uh... I just, well, w-we never really had the best relationship.” Stupid stupid stupid. You can’t even make a proper sentence.

My dad sighs and pulls out a chair, gesturing for me to sit down. I do so and keep my eyes trained on the floor. “I know. And I'm sorry,” he says, his voice quieter than usual.

“It's not your fault,” I say quickly then stop myself. “Well, maybe it is partly, but that doesn't matter right now. What matters is that, well, you know the last challenge has passed and... I guess it's time.”

There’s a hint of a smile on his lips. “It’s surreal, isn’t it?”

Surreal. Well. “You could call it that.”

He sets down his pen and faces me fully now. “How long have you known?”

How do I tell him? “Who's winning? “For a while, I think. It's just coming to terms with it was hard.”

He furrows his eyebrows. “Because the other girls matter so much, or because you weren't ready?”

“Both.”

“And now?”

And now? I don’t even know. I don’t even know who I am. I don’t... “I still don’t know if I’m ready.”

“But?”

I want to laugh. “No buts. I'm still really terrified. I just... want to be terrified with someone else now.”

Dad smiles lightly and traces the ring on his left hand. It hurts my chest. “It doesn't stop being terrifying, I'll tell you that. Every day with your mother was like jumping off a cliff, even all these years later. Everything is scary. The job, the choices, everything.” He pauses, as if to collect himself. “Did you know that I cried the day you were born?”

I stop and look up at him, hopefully not looking as startled as I feel. “No.”

“I was standing there, holding your mom's hand and then there you were. They let me hold you first and I looked down at you and just started crying.”

My throat tightens against my will.

My father sets his hand on mine. “It was the happiest day of my life, Haiden.”

“Can’t imagine why,” I mumble, though I’m not sure why. It’s my automatic response at this point.

He squeezes my hand. It makes me wonder how long it’s been since I’ve touched him. “I know I have not always been the best father to you. There is so much more I could have done. But I do love you and want the best for you, and I will until the day I die.”

I force myself not to cry. I hate crying in front of anyone, especially him. “There... was a time when I wondered if you were even my father, but I knew that despite our differences, you know, I'm just like you in so many ways. It's not completely your fault. I could've tried harder.” I look away from him. “And, besides, it doesn't really matter anymore.”

“It will always matter, Haiden. I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me.”

“I know you will,” I mumble.

I stand up to leave, but I’m stopped halfway to the door by my father’s voice. “Do you truly love her?”

I look back at him, my hands clasped behind my back. “I like to think I do.”

A lie.

That’s how many lies I’ve told today.

The first, telling Samantha I was all right.

The second, telling my father I love my fiancée.

The third, the reason for the alcohol that I currently hold in my hands.

It burns my throat, but the pain is welcome. As I drink, it’s as if the thoughts that have been plaguing my mind slowly drift away and are replaced with something equally as worse.

I’m not drunk, far from it, and I curse my father one more time.

One more time.

One more chance.

I have the rings. It’s her exact size, cut in a way any future princess would like. I’d been wanting to give it to her for so long. She’d been perfect. Perfect in almost every way. But… there’d been something holding me back.

Something.

I think I’ve figured it out now. All this time, I’ve been wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why I couldn’t seem to want any of this, even when I became friends with the girls. It’s crushing almost, knowing that no matter how hard they try, you can’t seem to want them.

This whole time, I’ve been praying that something changes. I’ve been… trying so hard to be okay with this, but there’s just that feeling that this isn’t right and it never will be.

I take another drink and squeeze my hand close, the metal of the rings cold against my hand. These are supposed to go on the woman I marry, but what if…

Samantha said to follow my gut. It was during the coin flip that I realized neither of the girls on that coin were for me.

Another drink, the metal still stinging against my hand. I stand in front of my bathroom mirror with everything above my waist bare. My face is numb, but I can still see myself. I can see everything.

I can see the pain behind my eyes. I can see the tears and scratches and bruises I’ve been hiding for so long. None of them are physical, but all of them hurt. All of them hurt so much.

I think back to what Aileen said yesterday. “Who cares what the rest of the country thinks? Just do what you think is right." I’m not sure if this is what she meant, but it still rings true. I have to do what I think is right, and maybe that’s not what the people want, but why does it matter? Why does it matter what they want?

I look down at the rings again and grip the sink. I remember again. These are supposed to go to the woman I marry, but what if they go to no one at all?

I look up at myself one more time, a silent proposal in my eyes.

The rings clank against the sink and fall into the drain.

No.

#haiden schreave #selectionoc #the final confession #my writing

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