#you’re writing it for plot reasons. and like. that’s how you advance the plot? I’d rather read dead dove at this point.

[quietplaceinthestars]

I wish people who write lotr fanfic didn’t inevitably end up writing low key constant emotional abuse to their blorbo.

[theresattrpgforthat]

You seem very knowledgeable in ttrpgs. Do you have any recommendations for someone who is used to the level of crunch and structure of D&D 5e, CoC, and SWN but wants to try something new? I've peeked at lite rpgs which look interesting but are intimidating in the sense that they involve a lot more improv and more direct player narrative control (which due to previous experiences, I'm a little hesitant about)

Sorry if that's a big ask! Just... trying to branch out more but there's *SO MANY* ttrpgs

Hello friend! So in terms of stepping into a new system, it looks like you’re looking for something that has a healthy amount of lore that you can draw from, contains new mechanics that you can play around with, and doesn’t put too much storytelling weight on the shoulders of the players. I want to do this ask justice, so forgive me if this post looks a little different from my previous recommendations.

Forged in the Dark, by John Harper.

Honestly, there’s too many Forged in the Dark games I could recommend for this question, and I have a few reasons as to why I think it would be a good starting point. While FitD games come across as rules-lite and heavily dependant on storytelling, many of them have a lot of moving pieces that you need to keep track of, such as a stress track, the load you carry into each mission, project clocks, and a faction game that can be as complicated or as simple as you want it to be. 

What you might like about these games is Positioning. Players have a lot of agency when it comes to how they solve a problem: they could force a door open, pick a lock, or sweet-talk a guard, for example. However, the GM has final say over whether the attempt will be Controlled, Risky, or Desperate, and how much Effect that action has. So if your players want to try something new, they are more than welcome to try it - but you can tell them exactly how difficult it will be to do the thing, and warn them of the consequences that’ll roll around if they don’t succeed. 

Additionally, there are many Forged in the Dark games that come with an extensive amount of world pieces to pick up and create plots out of. Blades in the Dark has an entire city full of warring factions and paranormal entities. Brinkwood has trade guilds and various ranks of vampire lords. SlugBlaster has competing teenage gangs, sponsorship brands and concerned parent groups, etc. The structure is there for you to pick up if you want - how factions react to your group’s actions, how the consequences of a risky move push your characters towards wounds or trauma, how the ticking of a clock pushes actions around a city - but when it comes to learning a new game, you have an easy entry point and a basic roll you can fall back on while you’re learning the extended rules.

The Cypher System, by Monte Cook.

This is a game that requires much more of a financial investment, but it certainly has the wealth of character options that make character creation so fun. Players will put together three pieces from an ever-growing list, to make a unique character sentence that gives them equipment, a personality prompt, and cool powers that will advance when they level up. 

The Cypher System is not an indie game by a long stretch - Monte Cook’s brand has been growing and expanding for quite a few years now - but it introduces a streamlined way of running games that can help GMs try out new things and change elements of the story on the fly without having to worry about writing up new stat blocks on the go. 

If you want a predetermined setting with plenty of lore and character options, I’d recommend Numenera, the original Cypher System game. It’s science-fiction in which technology is so advanced it might as well be magic, and it has a lot of weird, strange, elements that can be fun to twist and explore. However, there’s also Predation, a game about time-travellers and dinosaurs, Shotguns And Sorcery, a game about fantasy races in the Wild West, We Are All Mad Here, a game about people drawn into a fairy-tale world, and more.  If you want to build your own setting, the Cypher System Rulebook will help you do that. 

Coyote and Crow, by Connor Alexander.

There are a lot of tabletop games that, by design, are not friendly to people of colour, particularly in the conceit that one’s race determines one’s stats.  Coyote and Crow is a breath of fresh air in that it is designed by a group of indigenous creators who are passionate about the hobby and want to see themselves represented honestly in play. At the same time, it’s also rich in lore and setting, and contains a lot of cues that you see in other traditional tabletop games - complex character builds, layers of rules for initiative and combat, and beautiful, beautiful art. 

In Coyote and Crow, the world has followed a different path of history: an ice phenomenon has sealed off the place we call North America from the rest of the world, and an event called the Awis introduced something that we might ordinarily call magic to the world. As a result, the peoples of Makasing, the continent on which this game takes place, have undergone societal shifts and changes completely unique from that which we’re familiar with in our colonial history. This has resulted in a speculative-fiction setting with unique pieces of technology, incredible NPCs and a new approach to playing games. 

Coyote and Crow uses a unique d12 system that uses pools of d12s that represent your character’s skills and abilities. What separates characters from the NPCs in this world is a genetic/mystical connection called the Adanadi that bestows them special abilities, making them stronger, smarter, faster, or more attuned to a place called the Black. It supports combat, social maneuvering, crafting, and more - and most importantly, contains a lot of guidelines for non-indigenous players to support respectful play. 

Part Time Gods, by Third Eye Games.

In Part Time Gods, you are a being of power in a world that doesn’t have much time for Gods anymore. So you’ve had to pick up a job, find a place to pay rent, and protect the people who have been introduced into their mortal life from harm - all while taking care of the things they are the Deity over: Dominion, Theologies, Territory and more. Being a God isn’t the walk in the park that it used to be - you have a lot of responsibility to balance.

This is a game that has the complexity of trad games, for a fraction of the price. Your characters will pick up Occupations and Archetypes that reflect their mortal background, and can be chosen for the skills they give you or for the concept you’d like to play out. They’ll also have a Dominion and a Theology that represent their divine half, and also grants them divine powers. Each one of these four choices will give your characters some kind of attachment that they feel responsible for, whether that be friends, worshippers, sacred places etc. 

This is also a great way to explore a new genre. It happens in the modern day, so you can use your city or town as inspiration, or choose a well-known place to build off of. Your characters have divine powers, but they have limits and obligations, which provide a series of story hooks that a GM can use to pull the PCs in different directions. Each choice has a potential sacrifice, and each God has more than just their own livelihood at stake. This is one of the strengths of a system that is designed hand-in-hand with the setting: it may not be generic enough to work for other settings, but it certainly has the tools to tell a compelling story in the setting it’s designed for.

They Came From... Series by Onyx Path Games

This is a game series about replicating B-movies from eras gone by, whether it be 1950's thriller, 1970's horror, etc. These games are meant to be hammy and cheesy, just like the special effects of the films of that time, but that doesn't mean your characters can't face some horrifying threats of some kind or another. This series uses the Storypath System by Onyx Path, which uses pools of d10s to represent your character's ability to achieve their goals. This isn't a game where your character has classes - they might still choose their options from certain Tropes, or categories that guide them in one direction or another, but what is important about this difference is that choosing one path or another doesn't completely write off your character's ability to step out of that box. You can take skills that aren't optimal if you feel like it matches your character, and that goes a long ways towards players feeling like they have agency without necessarily handing them the reins. Like Monte Cook, Onyx Path can't really be considered an indie game designer, and that means that there's a lot of content out there for you to use when building your games. The Storypath System has a number of different genres if you don't want to play B-movies: there's Scion, a game of mythic heroes rising towards Godhood, and the Trinity Continuum, which is a pulp adventure, science-fiction game about the AEON society and the monsters called Aberrants that the characters must defeat in order to save the world. The biggest downside of Onyx Path games is the amount of $$ you might end up spending in order to get all of the options you want for any specific game - but the lore and setting detail for many of their games is out of this world.

Troika! By Melsonian Arts Council.

This is a recommendation that is really as much as you make it. It’s completely unlike a traditional game, but it has some really interesting ideas built into it that may challenge your table’s idea of what a ttrpg looks like and (hopefully) give them a great time. One example is the initiative system, which involves putting a bunch of player (and non-player) tokens in a bag and pulling out one at a time to see who goes next.

Troika has lore, but only as much as you decide to use, and it completely depends on the options given (and chosen) by the characters. Does someone choose to play the Befouler of Ponds? Well congratulations, now you have a Toad God to contend with. Is another player picking up a Yongardy Lawyer? Now we can talk about Yongardy and how their law system works. Do you want a self-contained setting with some more defined lore and a concrete goal? Well there’s games like Bones Deep, which follows skeletons across the ocean floor, and supplements such as Gay Crime, Sapphics Against Capital, a game about queer women in a cyberpunk hellscape, that can provide that for you.

Troika has spells, and inventory, and enemies that you can fight, just like a number of other traditional ttrpgs. It uses d6s and only d6s - you will roll 2d6 to either get equal to or less than a difficulty number, or you will roll those same 2d6 to beat an opponent. You will get skills and spells based on the background you choose, and this is a game that has a lot of third-party options for backgrounds. I’d say the setting of Troika is what makes it appears unstructured, but in reality the rules are fairly structured without being too difficult to learn. 

[prpfs]

reposting because I lost all my messages with a glitch before I could move to discord. 🧚 I’m summoning all my medieval fantasy lovers who enjoy throwing headcanons around, plotting together, enthusiasm that is mutual, creating Pinterest boards and playlists. I really want to meet a writing partner who has the same passion for what we write, I want to completely immerse ourselves into the world we create and freak out over the couple we create. I only feel comfortable writing with non binary and women. It makes me uncomfortable to write with a cis man. I myself am a woman, in case you’re curious. I’m 21 so I ask that my writing partners be 18+!

I’m looking for somebody who will want to stay up til late because we’re too excited to sleep, I want a friend as well as a writing partner. I’m open to any pairings. Mlm, wlm, wlw, non binary, I’m fine with playing whichever gender. Truly doesn’t matter to me.

I’d really like for our plot to include enemies to lovers and kingdoms at war, and other suggestions I have are ; arranged marriages, sunshine x grumpy, fated soul mates, morally grey characters, spicy female characters. I’d really love to write as or write against a female muse who has depth to her and isn’t overly submissive. I want complexed characters.

I’m a sucker for one human muse (even if temporarily) and the other a fantasy creature. I love the angst and all of that to go with it. I don’t have a particular storyline that I’m set on but I do know I want kingdoms at war, enemies to lovers and potential mates if you like Idea 🤭

I am an advanced writer ranging from adv lit to novella. Anything else bores me I’m sorry! I’d prefer for our story to have spice in it, I feel like it adds so much to the story. I write solely on discord!

For face claims I prefer realistic, be that as real life people or AI’s. The option is open!

If you’re interested in getting to know me better and discussing a possible roleplay, interact and I’ll message you! But please, I ask you only interact if you’re willing to give the same kind of energy back. I’m a very excitable person and to receive none of the enthusiasm back in return, will likely cause me to grow disinterested. I just want to make friends and make a beautiful story!

One of the concepts I have at the moment will be listed below but I do have numerous of other storylines too so please don’t worry if you’re not interested in this particular one.

After a thousand years, the goddess of war and peace is woken by the injustice of a devastating war between the races. Muse A summons their allies to fight in the battle, though they are less than happy to have been woken after ending the brutal war a thousand years ago. Muse A went into a slumber for great reason, after suffering the loss of their soulmate and completing world peace. They kept their sanity by resting.

Somehow, history is repeating itself and it’s worse this time. With the grumpy god/goddess on a war path to raise their alias from their temporary slumber, they meet muse b along the way. Muse B the prince / princess of a kingdom and the leader of the biggest rebellion. Muse B is a reincarnation of Muse A’s mate, without memory of who they are or who they once were. Except in this era, they are on opposite sides of the war. Muse A is fighting to bring peace, no matter the cost — while muse b is fighting for victory, avenging the loss of their family member and seeking retribution against their turbulent past.

What happens when the god / goddess of war and death, seeks out a new path with the one person who is fated to be their star crossed lover? And how will muse b react upon discovering they were reincarnation, always destined to find muse a again.

Plenty of room for building upon it, it’s just a vague description and concept. I’d also love to include other creatures like dragons, fae, shapeshifters, vampires, etc. I thought of this concept and I thought it could be a really fun story. I’m happy to play either muse a or muse b.

give a like and anon will get back to you

[capricxs]

i’m back in the tag because i want more things to write!! smash that like if you want some discord plots.

for whatever reason i’ve been craving ot3/poly plots so if you want that definitely like this!! otherwise below the cut i got other plots i been wanting to write.

(spyxfamly-inspired plot) muse a, a spy and and muse b, an assassin, adopt a daughter and have to pretend to be married and be a family for the advancement of a mission, but neither of them know who the other truly is.

(wlw bamboozel) idk something about a hot bimbo in a band and a couple gays having to pretend in some fashion to be part of the band (spies? con artists? unclear) and there’s smooching. loosely based off some like it hot.

(2x2 poly con artists) we can do what we want i just want a group of con artists who are all hopelessly in love with each other and have a ploycule whether they know it or not

(spicy band drama) i have quite a few musican characters i’d love to write. pretty flexible with plot and would love to see any sort of tropes! love mumus for this! the more drama the better!

(modern royalty) idk could be arranged marriage, a relationship kept hidden, enemies to lovers, idk who cares.

(sci-fi crime) the life is ideal when you’re at the top. muse a is a crime boss who seems to run most of the show in futuristic las vegas. but there’s a new cat in town, someone who is meant to work a lot with the boss, and they meet one another for the first time, then being introduced to their spouse. things seem off at first, but after a few drinks, they explain their spouse, muse b, is an android, acquired so they wouldn’t be forced to marry someone else. while there’s tension between muse a and this new face in town, they can’t help but be intrigued by muse b roped into it, and how disinterested they are in everything. [interested in muse b with a fem character]

[redbreastedbird]

I wanted to ask someone who knows more the inside of writing and publishing, so here's a question

I've been beginning to write a novel, and with that comes planning where the whole story will go, and I've been worrying about planning past book one.

I know that when you found the publisher for MMU the original contract was for three books, and then later three more and three after that.

The idea that is forming in my head about my series would be much longer than a trilogy and I've been worrying about maybe reworking my ideas so in case there's satisfying endings both at the end of book 1 (in this case eliminating every possible reference to this being the first event but not the last) and book 3 in case whoever I will publish with doesn't want to go with the sheer number of books I have in mind.

Would you say that's a good idea or just over worrying?

Thank you in advance for the advice, without your books I wouldn't be the person I am now

Hello, and thank you!

This is a tough question to answer, because it’ll really depend on a lot of things outside your control!

When I wrote MMU I imagined it as a single standalone book. But when I found an agent for it, she suggested that it might actually be the beginning of a series. So she helped me write a synopsis for several future books (honestly I think it was something incredibly simple like ‘Daisy and Hazel solve a murder at a country house; Daisy and Hazel solve a murder on the Orient Express; Daisy and Hazel solve a murder in Egypt’ and so on) and that’s what we took to publishers along with the first finished manuscript.

My publisher bought three books, so I knew I’d be able to write at least two more D&H stories. I remember choosing Orient Express as book 3 and thinking ‘this is the story I have to write, I don’t want to lose out on it if this is all I get’. I knew very clearly that if the series didn’t do well (and we weren’t expecting it to!) I’d only ever write three books, so I had to make sure that the series stood as a three book set, and each book stood alone.

But, of course, it did do well, and so I ended up writing a lot more stories than I’d ever originally intended, and creating series arcs that were a lot more long-lasting and nuanced than I thought I’d be able to. I never thought I’d write Daisy’s coming out plot, I never thought Hazel’s little sisters would ever even appear, I never thought I’d actually get to send them to Egypt …

All this is to say that the length of a series isn’t just shaped by what an author wants, it’s shaped by the publisher and the market and how well that series does. I have been lucky in that I always imagined each book as its own adventure, not necessarily part of a larger story. Some authors, of course, come up with intricate three, four or five part stories, often more books than they have a deal for - I know an author who went into being published with a seven part series plot and (I think?) only a 3 book deal. Publishers usually do 2 or 3 book deals at first, so if you’ve got a clear idea for a trilogy or a duology then you’re in.

But of course, what those authors do is have plans for many different scenarios! There’s no reason why you can’t subtly seed something in an earlier book that you can pick up if you do get more books. For example, I mention Hazel’s younger sisters and family repeatedly in the first books, even though they only become important in book 7. If I had never gone beyond 3 books the mentions would still be fine, but since I did, readers can see those early mentions and connect them to the Rose and May they know!

Plan the series you want to plan, write the book you want to write and then game various different scenarios if and when you come to sell it. Can the series work with only one, two or three books? How can you make a satisfying story with three parts that can then expand out if you do get a deal for more titles? It’s always sensible to be able to be flexible - publishers do get nervous when someone comes in and announces that this series has to be 12 books - but if you’re able to suggest different options you may end up writing those twelve books anyway, just across four or five deals!

Good luck! And do remember - it’s useful to think about the market, and be aware of the challenges you’ll face, but the best books are written with only you, the author, in mind. If you bend to other people during the first drafts you’ll lose some of the joy of creating a world, so always write for yourself first. The rest of the world can come later!

[alwayzraven]

I get what you’re trying to say about AyBer and Tolga but honestly I don’t think the writers care about AyBer as much as they do for ASDOR & SUSOM! Also I think the writers as in all of them like the idea of AyTol themselves or else they wouldn’t have given them way more and better scenes in the last 2 eps of S2 ALSO I don’t think Tolga is just being used to advance AyBer’a story becuz the writers barely care to write for them at all in general! Also their bad writing for AyBer is the reason Ayber isn’t the same at all boring if anything just boring tbh. And the writers have proven manyyy times so clearly that they like Tolga’s character way more then Berk’s cuz now it just feels like berk has no purpose from the writing barely giving him lines or even scenes! Also I think if the writers do like AyTol they will push it and give them more scene to TEST & SEE if more ppl like them plus if the couple was asdor then ofc I’d say it’s just for jelousy and story advancing since their the main couple and the writers love them SM but in AyBer case I think the writers are gonna give them a story DESPITE everything on tolgas chracter and past since they love tolga more then berk ALSO I used to be an AYBER stan myself so ik but there are soo many AYBER AND RECMEL Stan’s that I’ve interacted with and it’s like 50/50 cuz half of them do actually ship and like AYTOL themselves so maybe the writers will look at views numbers and likes !!!! Just had to PUT & Point all this out so you try to understand what I’m saying 🤍💞

I don't know why you're trying to convince me that A*Tol is going to happen. I don't think we watched the same show 😅 Tolga is a complete trash and he is not going to change. He is one of the show's villains. Berk and Ayber are very loved by the viewers and the numbers speak for themselves whether it's on YouTube or twitter . Berk has no purpose? I would like to remind you that he has the video showing Akif pushing Omer and Asiye's father off a building. The writers could've given that video to Tolga but they chose to give it to Berk to include him in the main plot. Yes, the writers neglected Ayber in the middle of last season but they kind of fixed that with their scene with Ayla and Aybike's accident and that's why at the end of the season they hinted that Tolga is going to mess with Ayber, and more specifically with Berk next season since he doesn't like him. What I am expecting from Tolga this season? Plotting, kidnapping, possibly an other attempted murder. I think you should wait and see how this crack ship will perform in terms of views and ranking.

[everygame]

Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia (Nintendo 3DS)

Developed/Published by: Intelligent Systems / Nintendo Released: 20/04/2017 Completed: 07/04/2022 Completion: Finished it (but not the post-game dungeon.) Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Well, colour me surprised, but I… loved this?

While it was admittedly, uh, eight years ago, I bounced off my last attempt at enjoying a Fire Emblem game, Shadow Dragon for Nintendo DS, and to this point it’s like… the only time I ever received hate mail over a write-up (for being totally wrong or whatever). I’m still pretty sure Shadow Dragon isn’t a particularly great remake (although I’ll admit that I wish I’d been able to cop the Switch re-release of the original version–Wario64 did his best, but I was never quite in time) but I’m exceedingly pleased that taking a yen for this after seeing Cory talk about this briefly on My Life in Gaming paid off. Especially considering that the 3DS is now in its twilight year and sooner than later getting a copy of this for a reasonable price will be as annoying as getting a copy of Shadow Dragon & The Blade of Light for Switch full stop.

I think what works in Fire Emblem Echoes favour is that it’s a remake of what is generally considered the red-headed step child of the series already. Whereas my experience of Fire Emblem previously has been to bemoan that it’s not a “pure” tactics game like its brother Advance Wars, here the game is much more of an RPG with frequent short battles in dungeons to grind, making the fuzzier “your tactics don’t need to be as rock solid as long as you are stronger than the enemies” style finally click.

It’s also, probably, that the game looks great. It’s nice to revisit the 3DS after a decently long break and remember just how well developers could use the hardware. There’s an odd dot-pitch to the screen as a result of the 3D, and while i know it doesn’t work for a lot of people, nostalgia has given it the feel of a visual style the same way PS1’s warpy textures are now celebrated. Sure, like any tactics game you’re going to fast-forward through the attacks, but there’s an intentionality to everything here that speaks to it as one of the last big games for the system.

The story is also… uh, well told? It’s unfortunately a big ol’ bag of cliché, but thanks to a translation from 8-4 that I’m pretty sure did most of the heavy lifting, I was never actively annoyed at it. I mean, I’m totally over ~destiny~ plots, and it’s a bit unfortunate that this one spends so much time in the early going yelling “it doesn’t matter how you were born! What matters is what you do!” only to basically undo all of that by the end, but the story at least doesn’t get bogged down with filler.

Actually, the structure probably helps. The game is split so that you play as two armies progressing at the same time, lead by the game’s dual protagonists Alm and Celica (impressive that her parents named her after one of Toyota’s best, and sadly defunct, car brands.) This helps with an issue I remember from Fire Emblem games (and probably what screwed me in Shadow Dragon): that you end up with so many units, and you’re trying to keep all the ones you like levelled up, and then you end up with everyone underlevelled. Here, you’re pretty evenly splitting your army, so you end up with 20 units that are all at a good level by the end of the game. 

Well, sort of. You still need to decide to more-or-less concentrate on 10 units a side from a pool of 30-odd total, and while I did piss a lot of experience up the wall on some sub-optimal units, there are enough grinding opportunities it was alright. In fact, I’ll use this opportunity to mention something about Echoes, and I believe the Fire Emblem series as a whole, that to me shouldn’t work but weirdly does. The games have a levelling-up system with high variability, meaning that a unit in your game can grow totally different from someone else’s, and if you just have bad luck, a supposedly top-tier unit can get a bunch of crappy level-ups and just be shite (it’s not common, but it could happen.) So you actually slightly benefit from leveling up more characters than you really need to see which way the wind is blowing, and you can also just ignore a character that is generally considered to be good if you don’t like their character and you’re having good luck with another one. Maybe I just liked a lot of the characters (they don’t all get much to do, but the in-battle conversations fill out their characters well enough) but watching their growth was actually exciting enough that I did do some grinding to choose between them and didn’t mind at all. 

This is even, honestly, a game where I could believe that going for the perma-death option might even… work? The game includes at least nine opportunities to resurrect dead units, and it might add a bit of spice to the game on normal considering I probably only lost about that many units in the game anyway. 

(That said, I’m the kind of person who will just restart a battle to avoid death, so I didn’t go for this. I wish I wasn’t, but I am. If you’re not this person, might be worth it.)

Anyway, even with a bit too much pissing about, Fire Emblem Echoes only just about managed to outstay its welcome, which felt a bit more related to the deflating ending of the game. No spoilers, but a lot of characters do things that don’t actually make a ton of sense, and the game annoyingly sidelines Celica and her party for the entire last dungeon. Considering a lot of my favourite characters were on her side (I put so much effort into crafting a Ladyblade Sonya!!!) this was a big time bummer (and I know they get their own end-dungeon, but it’s like… hours earlier???) 

I suppose there’s a post-game dungeon, but apparently it’s stupidly hard and feels unnecessary enough I wasn’t in the mood for it. Still. This is really good and you should probably pick it up if you like tactics RPGs that are heavy on the RPG before it’s stupidly overpriced, if it isn’t already by the time I post this.

Will I ever play it again? I won’t; by the time I’ll ever take a mood to play through the post-game dungeon I’m sure I’ll be like “how do I play this again?” and not bother. I’ve got a copy of Fire Emblem: Three Houses, though, so I’ve got that to look forward to/be disappointed by, idk.

Final Thought: I didn’t notice how aggressive Nintendo was with DLC on the 3DS (even though it’s a system where your “ownership” is awkwardly more attached to your specific 3DS rather than your account) until recently. There is a ton of DLC for this that (to be honest) you can definitely skip unless you really want to grind far beyond what you would ever need to in the main game that in total would cost you as much as buying the game as a second time. Wild!

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[thebibliosphere]

Sooo, I have an idea for my own vampire story (it’s cool, with secret society’s and murder and lesbians). How do you go about making it a reality?

Start writing it. You can either plot it out in detail or do a vague outline and see where it takes you from there.

You’ll probs go through a couple of drafts of the idea before you get to the final rough draft. After that I’d highly recommend hiring an editor(s). (Mine are @roselarkpublishing) This advice stands true whether you decide to self-pub or trad-pub.

A good book to read if you decide to go self-pub is Let's Get Digital by David Gaughran. His book helps demystify a lot of the process, especially how to use keywords for optimizing the Amazon algorithm. (This is assuming you are using Amazon KDP which I would recommend for self-pub because it’s the biggest source of reliable income. If it makes anyone feel better, kdp contributes very little money to Amazon’s overall profit.)

If you don’t know what kind of editing you need, check to see if they offer a manuscript assessment. This can help them pinpoint which service you’d benefit from most, as well as which areas you can strengthen on your own as a writer. They might also offer formatting services, which I’d highly recommend you take them up on if you decide to self publish.

Formatting varies from ebook to paperback and isn’t impossible to do on your own (I know some people hate it) but is really easy to fuck up. I can’t tell you how many promising books I’ve returned because their internal formatting was bad enough to be an accessibility issue.

If you are going the traditional route, shopping around for an agent to rep you is your next priority. Most trad-publishers won’t read unsolicited submissions and won’t even acknowledge your submission. Remember, any agent that wants money up front is probably a scammer. Agents take their fees as commission out of the final deal reached with the publisher. The publisher will also handle any additional editing, formatting, and cover art, but you will be expected to do most of your own marketing. They’ll do some marketing for you if you’re lucky, but most trad authors are expected to maintain an active social media presence to boost their work.

If you are going self-pub, cover art should be your next step although you could also be tackling this while things are being edited.

Formatting covers for ebooks is easier than physical books as Amazon and Ingram Spark seem to decide their physical dimensions by planetary alignment and both are different despite Amazon occasionally using Ingram as an overflow printer. *jazz hands*

Using a service like draft2digital will save you a lot of extra admin spoons and will allow for easier global distribution for your ebooks (paperback is currently in beta iirc).

If you decide to do paperbacks you can use the free Amazon isbn if you want, but I prefer to buy my own ISBNs which you can buy in bulk from Bowker. You will need a separate ISBN for Amazon and Ingram iirc but at the time of writing this it’s 7am so don’t quote me on that.

Once you’ve got everything uploaded and approved (pro-tip: try not to submit queer focused manuscripts for approval on Amazon over the weekends. There’s a known issue with one of the weekend approvers being a homophobe who finds arbitrary reasons to knock back manuscripts, especially queer romance which they automatically rate as more explicit than het-romances 😬) you need to decide if you’re going to set it up for pre-order or immediate launch. Pre-order allows you to drum up some advance self-promo which can be good. But it’s really up to you.

Self-promo is a huge factor in publishing whether you’re trad or self-pub so it can also be a good idea to make uniform social media handles with your author name. An author website is also a very, very good idea to give people a main space to find your work.

Audio books is a whole other thing I don’t know much about but am currently in the process of learning about. If this is something you want to do, don’t give audible exclusive rights. At present it binds you into a 7 year contract that makes the author very little money and a bunch of people use their return policy as a library service by refunding the book the moment they’re done. This doesn’t come out of Amazon’s pocket as some people seem to think but directly from the author and is extremely crummy. Wide distribution is the way to go. There’s a service similar to draft2digita for audiobooks but I can’t currently remember the name of it. called Findaway Voices, which is supposed to be good for self pub and mass distribution.

I have likely missed a couple of steps, and certainly didn’t go as in depth as the above the book I listed above. But this is the general gist of how you turn an idea into a book. Hope it helps and best of luck!

[charspnp]

hiiii !!! hope you are having a great day !! can i request “person a making a playlist for person b without their knowledge”, person a being schlatt, person b being fem reader ? :) my idea for da plot is that they are friends and making a cute n romantic playlist is schlatt’s idea of making a move on her ? thank you in advance and again i hope you have a great day !! love ur writing !!!

this is so stupid, schlatt kept trying to convince himself, adding yet another old, cheesy love song to the ever-growing playlist. shaking his head, he dragged his hands down his face. why the hell is he even doing this in the first place? it’s stupid, so, so stupid. looking back up at his computer screen, he looked over the songs he added to the playlist. there were about 20 songs, adding up to a little over an hour. he let his eyes drift to the left where jambo sat on his cat tower, watching him, judging him almost.

“the hell do you want, you little shit?” schlatt grumbled at the feline.

as if understanding what he said, jambo turned on his other side and stretched. now facing the window, he laid his head down to take a nap. schlatt grumbled lowly to himself again in frustration. if he stopped right now, deleted the playlist, you’d be none the wiser. it’s not like you knew what he was even doing in the first place. making a playlist for you was originally a fleeting thought, a small thing he pondered over after seeing people making a playlist for their own loved ones. not like you were his loved one. you two were just friends, a fact he was reminded of each time the two of you would speak to each other.

as he glared at the playlist, an alarm on his phone went off - he has to help someone record. dismissing the alarm, he exited out of spotify, trying to clear his head and get into character before joining a call with his friends.

schlatt didn’t get alone time until way later that night. between recording with his friends, recording for himself, and editing, he hadn’t gotten a chance to think about the playlist he was working on. that was, until he opened spotify to try and relax. he zoned out as he waited for the app to load and when he zoned back in, the playlist was glaring at him, taunting him. he was immediately whipped back into the mood he was in whilst making said playlist. annoyed. annoyed with himself. why can’t he just say he likes you like a normal person? why does he have to make you jump through hoops to try and figure it out?

he’s embarrassed. that’s why. embarrassed because the jschlatt has a silly little crush on someone. what is he, a stupid middle schooler again? he sighed out in frustration, much like he did earlier that day. his knee started bobbing, his thoughts racing more and more the longer he started at the playlist.

“for y/n”

without thinking (or because he couldn't stop thinking), he reached forward, grabbing his mouse. he clicked on the playlist and copied the link to it. he navigated his way to discord and into your guys’ dm’s. he paused as he saw the last messages the two of you shared:

night, schlatt, sleep well, love you! :)

yeah yeah you too

taking a deep breath, he pasted the link in the message bar. he paused again, wondering if this was actually a good idea. he sighed and shook his head, raising his hand to delete the message. right as he went to do so, jambo suddenly jumped onto his desk in hopes of getting attention. as he walked forward, he stepped on schlatt’s keyboard, pressing a couple keys in the process.

“jambo!” schlatt berated as he picked up the kitten, holding him up to his face so he could look into his wide eyes, “what the hell, man, you coulda really -”

schlatt stopped himself mid-sentence as his focus was suddenly turned to the screen behind jambo’s head. the little gremlin didn’t like how the attention wasn’t on him anymore as he meowed and tried to push his face against his owner’s. preoccupied, said owner just set him down, eyes glued to his monitor. fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. what the hell man! even though he was thinking about it, it’s not like schlatt was actually going to send the playlist to you! but now he did. the deed was done. he couldn’t just delete the message, you’d still get the notification and you'd definitely ask him about it. before he could think too much more into it, schlatt surged forward and turned off his computer. he pushed himself away from his desk, eyes wide and felt growing hotter by the second.

he slipped the headband out of his wavy hair and ran a hand through it. he sat there for a second, completely still with his fingers in his hair and forehead resting on his palm. he was broken out of his distressed trance when jambo meowed again at him. schlatt took a deep breath and ignored jambo’s cries for attention, opting to walk out of his recording room and into bed to try and sleep it off, deal with it in the morning.

-----

schlatt didn’t get much sleep. from his nervousness from how you’d react to jambo continuously meowing at him due to the lack of attention, schlatt laid awake, staring idly at the ceiling until he eventually fell asleep. he was awoken by the sound of his phone ringing, way too loud in his ear. not bothering to check who was calling, schlatt picked it up, expecting it to be a spam call.

what he wasn’t expecting, however, was your loud voice to exclaim, “schlatt!” right into his ear.

“fuckin - what?” he responded annoyed at being yelled at first thing in the morning. and that’s when he remembered. the playlist. there’s no way you’re not calling him about it.

“what the hell is this?” you asked, quieter upon hearing his groggy voice, knowing you had woken him up.

playing innocent, schlatt responded with, “what the hell is what?”

“this playlist.”

oh he’s most certainly fucked now. turning to lay on his back, he draped an arm over his eyes, part of him hoping that’d be enough to shield him from this embarrassing situation.

“just that. a playlist,” he responded carefully.

“well, yeah, but it’s, like...” you paused, searching for the right words.

“like what?” if he were sitting in a seat, he’d be on the edge of it, the anticipation killing him. he wasn’t sure if you liked it or not, your tone remaining mostly… curious.

“romantic. and shit,” you finally concluded, voice softer.

“yeah. what about it?” he was becoming defensive, ready for you to end your friendship right then and there.

but, you only chuckled. “it’s cute,” you teased.

okay. schlatt definitely wasn’t expecting that answer. he took his arm away from his face and moved it behind him, pushing himself to sit upright. eyes wide and face feeling hotter than ever, he responded, “c-cute?” he cursed himself inwardly for stuttering.

you chuckled again, “yeah. ‘s cute. i’d never expect something like this from you, schlatt,” - he didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing - “but i can’t say it’s unwelcomed. shall i make you a cheesy playlist in return?”

deciding you had enough fun with your teasing, schlatt gained confidence and responded, “only if you let me take you out on a date.”

“yeah? i’d love that,” your teasing tone was gone, a soft and genuine one replacing it.

“good. see you on saturday then?”

“see you then, big man.”

and with that, the call was ended. schlatt couldn’t help but stare down at his phone with a lovestruck expression, completely out of character for him, but he couldn’t help it. he felt a presence hop up on his bed and he turned to look at jambo, the culprit of all this, sitting there, looking at schlatt with his bug, dumb eyes. though he was the reason schlatt landed a date with you - someone he’d been pining over for a while, now - he couldn’t help but just -

“fuck off."

----------

intimate actions;; 1k event

prompts / masterlist

[biisexualemma]

unrequited pt.2. peter parker

word count: 3.6k

warnings: anxiety, panic attack? i guess kind of

requested: yea a few people asked for this lol

plot: you haven’t seen peter for weeks and start to worry about him

a/n: i finished re-writing this late last night and i’ll be honest with you i haven’t checked it over so sorry if there are any mistakes but i’m tired sis goodnight! lmk if you like this! pls comment / share!

pt.1 / marvel masterlist / multi-fandom masterlist

"ned... you're so wrong for so many reasons," m.j.'s expression was flat, her eyes rolling before she continued to fight ned on who was really the strongest avenger. you were supposed to be working on a group project for your history class but somehow the topic of the avengers came up and the conversation derailed. ned was making a, somewhat, compelling case for the hulk but m.j. was clearly winning with her argument for wanda.

"nobody even knows the full extent of her powers... and the hulk? what? he's gonna smash some more?"

you sat quietly, chin in the palm of your hand, listening in and out of the conversation. you didn't really feel much like contributing. you would occasionally chime in to support m.j. but mostly you just heard the noise of their bickering and let it happen.

you didn't want to be that person, but your mind was (much to your frustration) completely consumed with thoughts of peter. and at the worst time, you had so many tests coming up, and essay deadlines were also creeping up on you. usually you were on top of this stuff, but your mind was preoccupied almost all the time.

because of peter, who was no where to be seen. in the past few weeks he had stopped showing up to school all together. ned said it was something to do with tony stark but you had a feeling it was more than that. you didn't know how to explain it.

you hadn't spoken to him in a long time now, and you didn't exactly leave things on good terms. it was the longest you'd gone without talking since peter called you a poopy head in the third grade.

you just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. especially since you had no idea what he was getting up to, peter was known to get himself into some messes when he was left to his own devices. and you just knew ned was lying to cover for his best friend but that only made you feel even more out of the loop.

everything felt a bit off without peter around, like something was missing. that, on top of the guilt and worry you were feeling, was turning your head to mush. last time you'd spoken to peter, he was erratic and wounded and desperate. something bad had to have happened for him to be gone this long.

the bell rang, signalling the end of your last period for the day, and the rest of the week seeing as it was a friday. you snapped out of your daze, jolting as your eyes focused back on your surroundings.

"what time did you say again, y/n?" your eyes drifted to m.j. who was collecting her notes on her desk, her eyes meetings yours, waiting for your answer. a crease formed between your eyebrows, you hadn't heard a word of the conversation before right now. m.j. seemed to realise this, rolling her eyes at you with a playful smile. you did this a lot lately, she was getting used to it. "homecoming? what time did you want to meet tonight?"

"oh," you nodded, still sitting at your desk as your classmates hustled around you. "right, homecoming— i— uh—"

"tell me you're still coming," ned interrupted, his eyes wide suddenly, clearly desperate that your answer was anything but no. "c'mon we've had this planned for ages!"

"no— yeah— of course i am," you nodded quickly to reassure him. "yeah— sorry— i just spaced. is seven good for you guys?"

they hummed in response, nodding.

you packed up your books, shoving them into your bag, still in a slight haze with all these thoughts running through your head about peter. you couldn't think about homecoming, it seemed trivial now compared to the worst case scenarios running through your mind. maybe you could try to call peter again? you thought to yourself as you quickly left the classroom, forgetting about m.j. and ned and homecoming, your muscle memory alone leading you to your locker.

you swapped out your books from your bag with the ones you needed to study from for your biology test next week. after slamming the locker door shut, a familiar face was met with yours.

"jesus," you muttered as he stood inches away from your face, your heart racing from the shock. clutching your books to your chest, after nearly having a heart attack, you let out a loud sigh and furrowed your eyebrows. "peter? where the hell have you been?" you regained some of your composure, enough to find some anger in you towards him. he was the last person you were expecting to see today.

"you're ok?" his usual soft brown eyes looked sunken and tired, his hair was scruffier than usual and his lips chapped as they hung open, his eyes scanning over you.

your mouth hung open to speak but he just shook his head as if answering his own question. he gripped your forearm, urging you to walk with him. you dug in your heels, yanking your arm back, wanting him to slow down and explain before you went anywhere with him. "will you just walk," he muttered sharply when you tried to resist him. "please," he softened quickly, his eyes meeting yours.

you frowned, uncomfortably shifting the stack of books in your arms as peter pulled you along behind him hastily. you watched his eyes shifting about the hallway as students weaved around the two of you, his grip not loosening for a second. he was definitely up to something stupid and dangerous that he absolutely should not be involved in.

he'd dragged you all the way out into the parking lot, pulling you aside and away from the crowd of people.

"what's going on? why do you look like— i mean no offence but— you look like crap," you couldn't help but show some level of concern. no matter how complicated your feelings were for him at the moment, he was still your best friend, and he looked like hell. you couldn't stop yourself from staring at him.

"i need you to just— stop talking and listen to me," the look in his eyes made your heart beat a bit faster, your eyes darting between his trying to understand his urgency. "you're not safe—"

"no— i'm fine—" you were never very good at doing what you were told. you glanced down at yourself, perfectly safe and standing in front of him. "see?—"

"no— no you're not," he gulped, his eyes darting away from yours for a split second. "i'm taking you home and you have to stay there. ok? please."

his voice was horse, cracking when he spoke. you didn't understand any of it. peter was the friendly neighbourhood spider-man, what the hell had he gotten himself into that had him this worked up?

you tilted your head slightly, he couldn't think you'd blindly do whatever he said. you needed some answers. "pete," you mumbled, shaking your head with a faint frown. "can't you just tell me what's going on? you're kinda' scaring me."

"i screwed up," his face contorted, his eyes screwing shut for a second and his nose scrunching. you were glued to him, following his mixed expressions trying to understand what was going through his head. he took a deep, shaky breath, running a hand through his hair. "and i know you— you hate me and the last thing you wanna' do is listen to me but i need you to do this for me."

"alright," you said after a moments hesitation. you just wanted him to relax. all your pent up anger and hurt that you'd felt over peter had dissipated quite quickly. you were too occupied with trying to ease some of his stress, and if that meant becoming a homebody for a few days, you would do it. "alright— don't worry. i've been putting off my english essay for a week now anyway, it's about time i cracked down on it."

you tried to ease the tension, act like he wasn't asking much of you. he let out a heavy sigh, looking over at you with those brown eyes. "it's homecoming tonight, i know w—"

"is it?" you feigned forgetfulness, not wanting to make him feel any worse than he already did. you shrugged. "i was never one for socialising anyway."

peter knew you better than that. he knew what he was asking you to give up. "i'm sorry," he took a step closer to you, his hands hovering in front of you, unsure that you wanted him to touch you. "i'm sorry you got dragged into this."

your eyes lingered on his hands before you pulled back up to his stare. you pursed your lips and shrugged. "i'd feel better about it if i knew what i was getting dragged into," you pulled away from your conversation for a second to slip your books into your bag. "walk me home and you can explain everything."

and he did. he told you all about the vulture, the weapons, what really happened during the decathlon trip. all of it. right up to when the vulture figured out his identity— which lead to him finding out about aunt may, about his friends, and about you. he told you about how he'd spent the past few weeks figuring out where the vulture's next major deal was being held, how he'd messed up so bad and how mr stark had taken his suit.

by the time he'd finished, your mouth hung open slightly. you didn't know how he'd been dealing with all of this by himself. spider-man helped old ladies cross the street and returned stolen bicycles, he didn't fight men in bird costumes to stop illegal sales of dangerous advanced weapon tech.

"peter, this sounds pretty dangerous," you spoke up after he told you about his plan to intercept the vulture's airplane heist. "don't you think you should just call happy? or tony? this sounds like iron man territory."

"i can't do that," he sighed. "besides, i already tried happy— he's not taking my calls right now. something about a time out."

you let out a heavy sigh, having taken everything in that he'd told you. you had reached your door, peter standing behind you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. you motioned for him to come in but he hesitated, opening his mouth to decline. "c'mon," you grabbed his arm and tugged gently. "this heist isn't happening 'til late tonight. you can keep me company 'til then."

"maybe, get some rest, too, you really do look like hell," he let you pull him inside, following behind you. he ignored the second dig you had now made about his appearance.

"may must've been pretty mad when she found out you'd been skipping school?" you collapsed onto your bed, crossing your legs over and watching peter perch himself on the edge of your bed. he leaned forward, his hand running over his face with sheer exhaustion.

"you have no idea," he groaned, holding his head up with the palm of his hand now. "i'm pretty much grounded for the rest of the year. and i have to send her a pic' of me sitting in every one of my classes from now on," you nodded, pursing your lips because that sounded about right. "but mainly she was worried."

"well, she wasn't the only one," he glanced at you over his shoulder, his eyes lingering there for a while. you breathed through your nose, looking away from him and down to your hands to give yourself a moment. you'd forgotten how difficult it was to have him look at you like that. "you just took off with no word, peter."

he turned his gaze away from you, focusing on the wall in front of him, his eyes glossy. for weeks that last conversation with you had been sitting at the back of his mind. he knew he'd handled everything in the worse possible way. he tried to protect you, hurt you by doing so, and then had everything he tried to protect you from blow up in his face anyway.

"i haven't been able to think clearly for weeks," you gulped, scared to meet his gaze again, in fear that you might lose your confidence. "i missed you. and i was worried out of my mind about you."

"y/n—" his voice was quiet.

"and i know i was the one who told you to leave. but i was hurt and sad. i'd convinced myself that you felt the same way, and when you—" you closed your eyes for a second, feeling him watching you. you hadn't been able to say any of this out loud for weeks and now it was just spilling out of you. "anyway— i shouldn't've punished you for that. they are my feelings i need to get over. it wasn't your fault and i'm sorry i made it seem like it was."

he shook his head faintly, sniffling slightly, catching your attention. "i screwed up," he shook his head a little harder, pushing himself up off your bed, his back turned to you. "i screwed up so bad," he ran his hand over his face, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. your eyebrows knitted. "it wasn't supposed to turn out like this."

"don't," you shook your head, willing him to stop. "it's not your fault. i shouldn't have—"

he cut you off, turning to face you as he did. "i'm in love with you," his mouth hung open slightly, his eyes now stinging red. "i was in love with you then, and i'm in love with you now. i think i always will be."

your eyebrows unknitted, your mouth opening to speak but nothing came out. you watched his hand tug on the ends of his curls, his eyes locked onto you the entire time, trying to read your expression.

"i was trying to protect you and it went completely wrong—" his breathing was erratic. "i thought you'd be safer if i distanced myself—" the look on his face was breaking your heart. he knew how stupid it all sounded now he explained it out loud. "i screwed everything up— and now you're in more danger than ever— because of me."

"you— you—" your brain was trying to keep up. you shook your head. you had spent the past month telling yourself that everything you thought he'd felt for you wasn't real, that you'd over thought everything he'd ever done for you. you'd been telling yourself for a month to move on. "you didn't screw up, pete. i know you. whatever you did, you did for the right reasons."

the lump in your throat was growing as you tried to keep some kind of composure. it wouldn't do either of you any good to get upset with him when he was worked up like this. he didn't need to be told he'd made a mistake, he was already painfully aware.

"you don't— you—but— i—" he was hyperventilating, completely vulnerable as he fell apart in front of you.

"pete," you mumbled carefully, climbing over to where he was stood, hand in his hair and he pulled on the loose curls, his eyes wide with anxiety and stress. you moved your hands to his, pulling them down to his side and giving them a small squeeze. "calm down," you cooed. "everything will be ok."

you trailed your hands up to his shoulders, giving them a soft squeeze before pulling him into a tight hug. you wrapped your arms 'round his shoulders, one hand moving to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair. his head ducked, burying into your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist in a desperate grip. his breathing was heavy at first, uneven and jagged as he clung onto you. your heart was beating out of your chest, you were sure he could hear it, but you held onto him as tight as you could, pressing your whole body against his trying to offer him as much comfort as you could.

after a while of standing around, holding each other, peter's breathing began to grow softer and slower. he began to notice the sweet scent lingering on your skin. his lips innocently hovering over the curve of your neck, breath fanning against your skin. you could feel goosebumps growing on your skin, the hair of your arms standing on end.

"better?" you mumbled softly. he gave you a faint nod in response, his lips leaving your skin as he pulled himself back from you. your hand slipped from in between his curls and down to the neck, your thumb brushing over his skin as he looked straight into your eyes. you gulped, eyelids fluttering.

he was a state to behold. his nose was pink, under eyes wet, your eyes trailed down to where his lips parted. he hiccuped a breath. you tried to push away the impulse to kiss him because he was clearly vulnerable. you didn't want him to later regret anything. "thanks," he mumbled breathlessly. "i don't know what happened there."

you pouted your lips, about to reply when peters eyes fluttered down your face, catching you off guard. his eyes lingered and you noticed his head tilting down and nearer, his lips catching onto yours before you could register what was happening. it was soft, gentle and didn't last longer than a couple seconds before you had to force yourself to pull away.

"peter— you're overwhelmed right now so maybe we shouldn—"

your whispers against his lips where cut short, he pressed his lips to yours again. unable to resist now he'd had a taste. his arms tightened around your waist, pulling you back flush against his chest. you swallowed a gasp, feeling his full weight behind the second kiss. his lips pushed against yours a little more desperately this time, you fell back a step, peter's arms where the only thing keeping you upright at this point.

both your hands where either side of his neck, trailing up into his hair where you pulled softly at the roots of his messy curls. he let out a soft moan against your lips, and you stumbled back once more, your thighs hitting your bed.

your hands quickly slipped down to his chest as you gently pried him off you. your head was spinning a little, his lips were plump and pink and the way he looked at you, with pure love and obsession, made you want to kiss him again and again.

"did you mean it?" you muttered breathlessly.

his eyes trailed back up from your lips, his gaze locking with yours again. he noticed the vulnerability and fear in your eyes now that he was paying you his full attention. he felt a wave of guilt hit him, knowing he was the one that put that look there.

"yeah," he hummed. "i did," he said with his chest. "i do. always will," he was breathless.

"you're not just saying it 'cause you've missed me?"

he shook his head quickly, shutting down any traces of doubt in your mind. "i have been in love with you since that summer we took that trip to coney island when you threw up after you ate too much cotton candy."

your scrunched up your nose at the memory. "gross."

he shrugged. "i don't know what to tell you. that's just when i knew."

your lips twitched into a small smile. "you should probably get some rest," you diverted the topic, trying hard not to kiss him again. he looked so tired. he had poured out months worth of anxiety and stress all in the past ten minutes. "you can't chase bad guys if you're half asleep."

he wore a half-hearted smile, his mind clearly flickering back to the task he had to take on later tonight.

"you can crash here if you want," you motioned to your bed.

"y'sure? i don't wanna get you in trouble."

"mom's working late, so you're good. plus she loves you, pete," your hands slipped down to his, giving them a quick squeeze of reassurance.

"sure she'll still love me when she finds out about us?" he quirked an eyebrow, the small smile on his lips was sloped and tired.

"m'sure," you hummed, biting back your growing smile at the word us. you moved him to sit on your bed again, his hands lazily holding yours. his eyelids fluttered as he looked up at you, a small crease forming between his eyebrows again. you could tell his mind was wandering again. "lie down, you need to rest or you're no good to anyone."

he nodded hesitantly and followed your instruction. "i'll sleep better with you next to me."

his voice was soft after you'd turned your back on him to leave him to rest. you rolled your eyes faintly, smile tugging your lips again. "is that right?"

he hummed, his arms outstretched, waiting for you to fall into them. you dragged your feet back over to him, biting the inside of your cheek, the corner of your lip twitching upwards. "there's a scientific reason behind it but my brain's too sleepy to think right now, so you'll have to take my word for it."

his words slurred together, his eyes rolling slightly the longer he forced them open. you just nodded. "alright, spidey, just this once."

"hm," he hummed as you climbed in next to him, his arms wrapping around you and immediately pulling you against his chest. "thanks," he muttered, his lips pressed against the top of your head. "don't know what i'd do without you."

[americangirlstar]

Now that both Courtney books are out and I’ve read and processed them both, I do want to say that I think they’re the least well-written of any of the AG books, but not through any fault of their own- let me explain.

(Note that for this discussion I’m ignoring the Doylist criticisms- Courtney and 3/4 of her friend group being white again, the lack of gay discussion in-text in regards to the HIV crisis, etc. These are valid complaints and concerns, but not what we’re talking about right now.)

The Problem with the Current Book Length

I think the main problem with Courtney stems from the fact her books are so short. American Girl has literally been doing the stupidest things in regards to their books lately, almost as if they’re trying to sabotage them on purpose. First they remove illustrations in 2015- when their target audience is about nine years old. I don’t know about you, but when I was six and getting into American Girl, the illustrations were the highlight for me. Not because I had no attention span and loved pretty pictures, but because it showed me firstly what the girl’s life was like, whether it be 1760s wilderness or 2001 Chicago. It was like stepping into their world, really helping you get into their heads, which was basically what the dolls were supposed to do, to let you know that girls like you exist throughout time and space.

As well as that, the illustrations were free advertisement. I can’t tell you how excited me and my sisters were as children to go to the American Girl place and look at the doll displays, shouting that that’s the dress Felicity wears to the ball! or look, Josefina’s goat looks exactly like the book! AG cut that from 2015 to 2020, as if they were trying to appeal to an older audience- while at the same time changing all the doll outfits, accessories and marketing to appeal to a younger demographic.

Now, this isn’t about the illustrations, as Courtney got those- it’s about what they did to the historical characters after the Illustration Outrage™ happened. See, they’d condensed the historical six-book format into two books- not necessarily a bad idea, parents would be more likely to buy two books for their kid than consider buying six. However, they then claimed that if they put illustrations back, they would have to abridge the books- literally my nightmare.

First of all, American Girl, we know for a fact you can fit all six books plus illustrations into ONE VOLUME, let alone two. You’re just being cowards here and trying to nerf your own stories for... some reason.

So that meant a lot of important things got cut- Rebecca’s Chanukah story, Melody’s cousin’s house search, Maryellen’s Christmas adventure... all things important to the girls’ histories and character.

The Problem with Courtney’s Writing

Now, Courtney was the first doll to be released after the abridging began, meaning her books were released, in their entirety, just as short as the abridged stories. So it basically means she gets four books while the others get six- and unlike the others, Courtney doesn’t even have mysteries or short stories to pad out. (And honestly, looking at her book’s amount of content, I’d even argue that she basically got two while everyone else got six, but I digress.)

The problem with her books isn’t that they have an author writing them poorly (I really feel like her author was doing the best with what limited time she had), but in how cramped American Girl made them. Because, well, Courtney has to deal with a lot in such a short amount of words.

Let’s compare her to Julie, for instance- Julie pretty much has a new 70s thing every book. In order: feminism, rising divorce rates, San Francisco’s Chinese culture, environmentalism, the country’s bicentennial, anti-bullying and deaf acceptance. And adding to this, we also have her own personal journies through her parents’ divorce and move, her basketball team, her friendship with Ivy (and later Joy), overcoming her fear of horses, student council, detention... It’s a lot, and yet her books don’t feel rushed or forced at all. It’s just a year in the life of a girl going through a lot of new and sudden events, and how she grows and changes throughout them. She may not be as deep a character as Addy or Kirsten, but not every girl goes through the trials and tribulations they do, and it’s a good series overall.

Courtney, meanwhile, does feel rushed and forced, because of the short timespan. Instead of fitting everything into a six-book format- or even at two-book format that is the same length and content as the six-book- everything has to be fit into two short books.   Everything Courtney has to cover includes the topics of divorce and stepfamilies, feminist and technological advancement, the Challenger explosion, the HIV crisis, Hands Across America, and the founding of Pleasant Company. And in Courtney’s own journey, she has to cover her learning to stand up for herself, her relationship with her stepsister and Tina’s own character development, her mother running for mayor and how that affects her, how much she misses her Dad after he moves, her friendship with Sarah (note on that later), her basically getting hate-crimed after standing up for her friend... that’s a LOT of stuff, and I didn’t even include the non-AG 80s product placement they shove into her collection.

But without the longer format, everything is pushed together to its detriment. Tina’s development and Maureen’s mayoral candidacy are two plotlines that are literally dropped and almost completely ignored in the second book. The Challenger and HIV issues were handled decently, but the Challenger only lasted a few short chapters, and the HIV topic was not as informative as it could be, leaving out several things like Reagan’s refusal to treat it for so long, and its effect on the gay community. Honestly, the HIV scare was more shifted to focus on the mob mentality of a new and scary disease- which, while needed right now, also ignores many of the bigotry-related reasons it became an epidemic. Pleasant Company’s inclusion feels forced in, and I think was the only resolution she had to her Dad plotline?

And don’t get me started on the Sarah plotline- every Girl of the Year since Kanani- sans Isabelle and Luci- has had the story of “oh no I’ve been ignoring my friend and now they’re mad at me :(” and it’s SO old. Seriously, I counted the contemporary dolls that have had that storyline, and it’s thirteen*. Thirteen times we’ve covered this issue- almost all of it in quick succession- and now we have to deal with it in a historical character book while much more important things are going on! Yes, it sucks when a friend ditches you while you’re being attacked and bullied for something you’re standing up for, but once again, with how much is happening in such a short book, it just feels like a forced-in plotline that we’ve seen a billion times, and with their falling-out happening mainly due to the attention Courtney was given Isaac, it serves to make Sarah seem closed-minded at best and bigoted at worst- it’s clarified that she’s not, she’s just scared and upset with Courtney, but when you put those events so close together, it leads the reader to lump them together and get the impression that, you know, Sarah is a worse person than she is.

*Full count: Nicki (book 2), Chrissa (book 2), Kanani (2), McKenna (1 iirc?), Saige (both books), Grace (2), Lea (3), Gabriela (1 and 3), Tenney (2), Z (1), Blaire (1), Joss (1) and Kira (1).

It’s a bit weird, too, that Courtney’s... what’s the word? Vibe? with her how her story is written and marketed Is closer to the Contemporaries than the Historicals. Am I the only one feeling this? My best explanation for it is that the author, Kellen Hertz, had only written contemporary books for American Girl before- the third Lea Clark book and all four Tenney Grant books, both of which contained the Friendship Issues™ plot. I’m not at all saying she’s a bad author- I honestly love the way the Tenney books are written- and I’m not saying she couldn’t write a historical book, but it’s clear American Girl didn’t ask her to change up her style or content from what she’d done for them before, as well as giving her way too much to cover in such short books.

Conclusion

Honestly, this conclusion should be obvious- American Girl needs to expand their books again. Whether they simply allow the books to be unabridged, or go back to the six-book format, Courtney's books are too cramped to tell an effective story, let alone the poor abridged girls.

The other girls were given six-book length, so if they went back to that length or format, Courtney would have to be rewritten, at least a little- and that’s okay! There’s a lot of things that could use expansion or connection, such as her Summer trip with her Dad that was given basically one sentence in the text. Her growth with her stepfamily could be acknowledged- and honestly? I think that if these books were expanded, her mother’s mayoral arc should either continue through the books, or Maureen should become mayor before the book 2 arc. I’ve mentioned this before, but having Maureen as mayor (or even still a candidate) would put a lot of pressure on Courtney to be perfect so that nobody can say “look at how awful this woman is for doing politics instead of raising her family right”- which means that when the Isaac stuff happens, it has even more stakes for Courtney and her family. Does her Mom still support her with her own reputation on the line, and what does that say about Maureen’s character, how does it affect Courtney and the D’Amicos... that’s all fascinating stuff that was completely missed out on.

And if she was turned into a six-book format- honestly, here’s how I’d do it, just off the top of my head. It would involve a bit of event shuffling, but honestly I think it would work!

Meet Courtney - pretty much the setup for everything happening, her starting to get her Crystal Starshooter plans and her mom’s campaign beginning.

Courtney Learns a Lesson - her relationship to Tina, culminating in the Challenger incident.

Courtney’s Surprise - we move the founding of Pleasant Company over here, since Molly’s basically her Christmas Present. We’ll probably need an additional plotline- maybe similar to Julie, she can have a story on spending the holidays in different places.

Happy Birthday Courtney - end of summer, aka meeting Isaac and her trip with her Dad.

Courtney Saves the Day - Beginning of the HIV arc, ending at her presentation to her class.

Changes for Courtney - Continuation of the HIV arc as things get worse for her and Isaac, ending where Friendship Superhero ends.

Is that a perfect sorting? Probably not, I came up with it in ten minutes. But would it give Courtney space to breathe and more time to explore everything happening to her? Probably!

The tl;dr of this is honestly that American Girl are absolute cowards right now, and need to expand their books back. Their abridging is only harming their stories- which, as Courtney herself points out, are the reason girls got into their company in the first place.

[nox-artemis]

Kentaro Miura

It took me awhile to get my thoughts in order. Honestly, as well intentioned as they are, a constant stream of fan tributes on Twitter and Tumblr more-or-less telling me how to process “The End” of Berserk with Miura’s death didn’t do a lot to console me, so I had to take some huge steps away from social media and only conversed my feelings with my other close Berserk fan-friends.

It was very surreal waking up yesterday morning to a friend messaging me simply saying, “did you hear the news?” When shit like that happens, I go onto my Google stories app and scroll through. I didn’t find anything really worth getting too upset over (maybe a bit sad that Queen Elizabeth II’s doggo died?) so it hit me to check my Twitter feed instead.

And that’s when I saw it.

We all know death is inevitable, and life is pretty much spent prolonging the point to that inevitability as well as preparing ourselves for when it happens to us or someone close to us. Being part of the Berserk fandom was the only time we all collectively had this on our mind not only for someone else but for someone we never met or really knew that much about. We only knew Miura through his magnum opus – and that was good enough for us. And no matter how much we discussed the worst-case scenario – pondering how the story would continue and how WE would continue – it still wasn’t enough to prepare us for this amount of shock. Hearing Miura had died and that the Berserk we know and love under his direct supervision is over truly felt like losing a long-lost friend.

It wasn’t just that the Berserk we know of is “over”, but that Miura didn’t have to die. He was only 54: not a young age, but not an old age either, especially by today’s standards. He could have seen the end to his magnum opus the way he envisioned it, yet he died of something so avoidable but is only brought about by a great deal of stress (from what I’ve read). It was always a morbid open rumor that so many of Miura’s infamous hiatuses were actually mental and/or physical health breaks, so the older or more conscious of us fans, while always eager and anxious for a new chapter, learned to not take them so personally. Miura was a spellbinding artist and storyteller, but he was also a human with his own life and conflicts that he was entitled to address at his own pace. This isn’t meant to blame anyone (at the very least, maybe to address some societal/industry issues), but it’s troubling enough to remind everyone – as the story of Berserk has demonstrated – that you need to take care of yourself physically and mentally, and while everyone struggles in life, you don’t have to struggle alone.

I always despised this weird cult of youth that insinuates that life isn’t worth pursuing once you hit your mid-thirties, and how some people so engulfed in their youth insist that they wouldn’t mind dying by the age of 50 or 60. It’s a shame when people live by that because there’s so much to live for beyond your youth – as I’ve learned, I only started buckling down when I transitioned into my thirties. Miura could have had a longer life ahead of him, going beyond Berserk and into his other endeavors, professional and personal, but that will unfortunately never happen now.

Everyone knows I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Berserk. Most of you found out about me through my blogging several years ago, and I’m pretty proud that I was never the sort of fan that groveled at Miura’s feet and treated Berserk as some untouchable holy book: there were things I disliked about Berserk and things that disappointed me about Miura’s writing, but there were SO MANY MORE THINGS that I loved about Berserk and was proud of Miura for, and I wished him to continue his advancement in narrative growth. He did so and we watched it happened.

And, by meeting so many friends and acquaintances through the fandom, we saw a lot in ourselves change too. It’s surreal how we always joked that it would be one of us fans who would die before Berserk ended or the worst-case scenario of Miura dying; maybe some of us secretly preferred for that happen. But when we weren’t waiting around for another chapter… look at how much we’ve done with our lives! We graduated high school, undergrad, grad school, started and advanced our careers, traveled the world, got together, popped out a kid or two!... And while we experienced a lot of downfalls and tragedies that coincide, can you believe how much we have accomplished together?

We were all personally inspired, motivated, persuaded by Berserk in different ways: a lot of us were inspired for the better and admittedly, some for the not-as-good (if spending countless hours on Tumblr has taught me, there were definitely some toxic fan takeaways that had to be confronted). I’m not going to go to the point of saying that I now live my life by Berserk’s philosophy to a T or live as a reflection of certain characters (because I’m pretty sure that Miura was trying to tell us to NOT live your life like some particular characters) but it certainly helped to brings some aspects of life and existence into perspective, through the lenses of so many characters. Berserk also inspired me to write more, an already favorite pastime of mine, and how I should go about writing and planning a story, taking cues from Berserk on how to and how NOT to write and approach things in my own way, which I think is for the best in the long run. I can only dream that I’ll be published someday – which doesn’t have to be a pipe dream because it’s still much more possible than impossible. And so many other have done the same, creating our own stories and works.

And OF COURSE Berserk inspired me to be a little bit badass from time to time in moments of frivolity and seriousness – but it reminds us all that being badass and being a kinder person who tries to become the best version of themselves are not mutually exclusive. We definitely need more of that in today’s world.

We all made our own little bonfires of dreams happen, and because of Berserk existing, there will be a lot more beginnings than endings, and I don’t see a lot of bonfires being extinguished anytime soon. Miura poured his heart and soul into Berserk and its characters, and while he has passed on, his characters and lessons will live on through us and everything we create and how we live our lives (hopefully for the better).

I was happy to share all of my thoughts with you all – and I’ll continue to do so, since the mythos of Berserk has been a major backdrop of my creative mind for over fifteen years now and there is still so much to dissect and speculate. Personally, I don’t see Berserk ending just yet, if only because I’d be surprised that Miura or his publisher didn’t have some Operation London Bridge type plan in place in the event that this happened (Berserk is, after all, a major title that most likely brings Young Animal a lot of revenue). Again, I never treated Miura or Berserk as divine untouchables, so if there are plans in place to continue Berserk without Miura (BUT with his permission) or just on how to wrap up the story to give it a fulfilling conclusion, I personally would be okay with it (as a friend of mine put it, it’d be more of a tribute than an imitation). Going beyond our lifetimes, works will continue to be interpreted and reinterpreted as they have since time immemorial; perhaps Berserk will reach that point someday.

Honestly, and many have thought so too, Berserk was also meant to be cosmic level in both scale and concept. The plot is so grand and Byzantine that, even under Miura’s direct supervision, I always had a hard time envisioning how a story of this scale would conclude. As much as we love to hate him, a final showdown between Guts and Griffith seems too simple, too “good vs. evil”-esque for Berserk. Maybe having a low-key, vague but optimistic and bittersweet wrap up is what is best for Guts, Casca, and their new-found family. But that’s just another one of my fan speculations.

Regardless or what is to become of Berserk now, I think it’s safe to give adulations. We all came across Berserk at different times in our lives and stuck with the story for different reasons. For some of us, it was just another series that our friend from the campus anime club recommended to us; for others, we were drawn in from a morbid curiosity of its dark notoriety in anime circles. A few of us read for the gratuitous violence and the clout (because we all know you’re so deep and hardcore [/sar]), but a lot more of us read for the journey and the characters that we became a part of. The heaviness of Berserk made us confront a lot of trauma and even relive our own. For some of us, understandably, it was not a good idea to dive deeper (and maybe somethings could have been handled better); for the rest of us, it helped us cope, if not entirely through the story itself, than through the support network we made for ourselves in this fandom and its many realms (some realms, I argue, are more caring and nurturing than others).

From time to time, I always wonder if I would ever “grow out” of Berserk. There were indeed several times I took a step away from fandom and have tried to reduce my exposure to the story - but I always came back in some way, because the essence of Berserk has never left me and never will. Humorously I envisioned myself actually forgetting about Berserk for several decades, decades in which I work at my career, raise my family, mourn my elders, but continue living my life, only to go on the future internet in my mid-50s to find out… Miura is STILL working on that ending, sitting at his desk in the same pose as that famous monochrome capture of him, only he’s grayed and wrinkled, like the great Miyazaki.

The possibility of that future is over, but there are so many others.

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[sprout-fics]

✨How to work through Writer’s block

——————————

I write upwards of 5k words a week, fairly consistently. When I’m inspired, that wordcount can exceed 12-15k. However, if I only wrote when I was truly inspired, my output would be an average of 100 words or less a week. So, through the course of my years writing, I’ve figured out a pretty good system for getting past the worst of burnout, demotivation, dis-inspiration, and writer’s block. Now, sometimes you really do have to take a break and reset, but when you’re up against the clock trying to punch out another 4k words, this system is pretty good for helping you get there.

(As a disclaimer, there is no ‘right’ way to work through writer’s block. If you’ve found something that works for you, then power to you! I just thought I’d share because this system work swell for me.)

That being said, trying to get a chapter out when you can’t seem to get the words down is like making stew.

———————————————————————————————————

A good stew is a long process. Each step is different but entirely necessary. Skipping one or deciding to ‘cheat’ could result in a bland or unsatisfying meal. So, what you’re going to want to do is the following:

1)      Braise the meat

By this I mean get the ‘meat’ of the story or chapter down. This should answer some of the following questions:

What is the end goal of this chapter? What is meant to be accomplished here? How does it help further the story or advance character development?

This helps you set clear goals for this story. Not every chapter is dramatic, but each has a goal of sorts. Sometimes your chapter is just developing a relationship between two characters or doing some world-building to make a good environment for the plot. Make a clear outcome/goal for this chapter/story.

2)      Assemble your ingredients

Figure out a rough idea of what you want to happen in this chapter. This can be a fully assembled outline, or perhaps even flashes of ideas simply scribbled together. Does Character A say a particularly interesting line to Character B? Do you have an idea of what the scene looks like? Is there a gesture, a touch, a motion tat is important to the story here?

This is a bit like step 1 but takes a closer look at what happens within the chapter as opposed to what happens because of the chapter.

3)      Start cooking

Write. I know this isn’t the easiest thing to do when you’re unmotivated, because it feels like every word coming out is terrible, that it doesn’t make sense, that it’s garbage.

BUT- That’s what revisions are for. It’s called a rough draft for a reason.

 Remember that you don’t have to do this chronologically either. Write your favorite scenes first, write the most important stuff, or even just the dialogue. Even if it looks like a script, that’s okay, because you’re not done yet and you have time to make this into a great final product.

4)      Add Flavor

Once you’ve got the bare bones down (basic dialogue, important scenes, etc.) It’s time to go ham on atmosphere/descriptors/etc..’ This tends to be the easiest part for me personally, but I know some folks can find this step really hard. If you’re having a difficult time envisioning details, ask yourself the following:

 Close your eyes and imagine yourself within the scene. What do you see? What do the characters look like? What does their body language and expressions say?

What do you hear? There are voices between the characters, but what is there beyond that? What does the environment sound like?

 What do you feel? Is the air warm? Cool? Humid? Is it raining? Sunny? Hot? Where are you standing or sitting? Does grass crunch under your feet? Or maybe you’re standing somewhere man-made where your footsteps echo against metal.

What does it smell like? Are you in a kitchen? Is someone cooking? Are you outdoors, are there flowers nearby? Or maybe you’re near the ocean and you can smell salt on the breeze.

These are all important because they help set the mood of the story. You wouldn’t necessarily be describing a sunlit garden in the middle of a deadly battle, or a raging storm during a joyous celebration. Building the environment helps the reader better understand the tone and emotion of the story you are making.

5)      Adjust seasonings as necessary

Edits! Lots and lots of edits

Spellcheck, read through, comment. Really dissect your draft and make it so you’ve left no stone unturned. This can sometimes take several rounds, just as in cooking, to make sure the spices are just right. Even then, you may not be completely happy with what you have but remember that every draft of yours can’t be your best work yet.

One thing I learned is to go back and read your work out loud. This can be tedious is you have a long piece, but having a voice say each word out loud really helps with sentence flow and comprehension. You’ll be surprised how much of a difference it makes.

6)      Serve

Post it! Remember to include any disclaimers, trigger warnings, author’s comments, etc..’ Don’t forget a tag list if you have one. Then sit back and enjoy the comments and folks’ feedback!

So, there you have it! Congrats, you’ve just made a very fine stew/chapter/story piece. And you managed to do it despite your writer’s block as well!!

Again, this is just the way I do things. If you’ve found a system that works for you, great! Just remember that you can do this, that your writing is fantastic, and sometimes all you need to work through writer’s block is a simple 6 step process. Now go eat some soup and enjoy some stories.

[rhysismydaddy]

Unholy Matrimony Pt. 1 (Nessian)

Nesta’s part of the Damnation Series.

OOF this took so long sorry. I rewrote it, changed it, then deleted it entirely about 9 times. I literally started writing the version before you, from scratch, on Sunday. All parts are linked below, so I’m only tagging people on this version! To go to the next chapter, there is also a link at the bottom <3

ALSO, an important caviat: Nesta is an only child in this one! I originally wrote it for her to be adopted and not know it, but it wasn’t really relevant to the story, so... idk. Just ignore that plot hole I guess.

Parts 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 -- pls like each part I’m insecure

______________________________________________

~Cassian~

“You’re getting married.”

The glass of bourbon halfway to my mouth pauses, because despite being known for being rash and unpredictable, even I’m surprised by the sudden change in conversation.

My eyebrows raise as I look over at Rhysand, my best friend and Capo, trying to figure out if this bastard is serious. His tone says he is, but that doesn’t make sense, because before a few seconds ago, the word “marriage” was in neither of our vocabularies.

He’s been single for as long as I have, although I’m starting to suspect he’s got a bird in the city. He’s too damn happy these days, and the other day I saw him laugh at something on his phone.

Which is weird, because we both know long-term commitments don’t really do well with our lifestyle.

We were raised to not give a shit about anything except the job. We kill without remorse, live in the shadows, and whatever other shitty euphemism you want to use. Settling down in some suburban, picket-fence prison has absolutely no appeal to Made Men.

Don’t get me wrong, most of us get married at some point. But never for love.

Some men choose a bride that’s pretty and sweet. Someone who will donate to charity and help clean up their image. Governors’ daughters, women from old-money families, and social princesses make up this category.

Some men marry to advance their station in the Family. Second sons who will never inherit the business marry daughters of Underbosses to get a nice boost to their status.

And then there’s the ones who are forced to marry by their capo--ie. me-- so they choose whatever attractive woman that’s in the Family and available. Those are always the happiest.

But regardless of the reasoning, marriage in the mafia is heartless, political, and for me, unnecessary.

I know I’ll have to pick someone eventually, but there aren’t a whole lot of desirable options at the moment. Not many of the other Underbosses have daughters that are over the age of fifteen right now, and I have no interest in doing the child-bride thing.

Plus, there’s no way I’d marry someone outside of the family. At my rank, it isn’t an option.

That leaves... a widow?

The only one I know is Ianthe, and considering I highly suspect she killed her last husband and the fact that she’s crazy, there’s no way in hell I’d legally bind myself to her for life.

So he must be joking.

I take a pull from my cigar and look over at Rhys with narrowed eyes. “Uh huh. Sure. To who, exactly?”

“Volchonok.”

The Wolf Cub.

The cigar snaps in my fingers.

“You’re fucking kidding,” I say, honestly hoping that’s the case. He’s either that or insane, and I’d hate to lock someone who’s like a brother to me in a padded room.

Rhysand’s unflinching gaze doesn’t change, but his tone morphs from that of my friend to my boss. “You will marry her, Cassian.”

“She’s a fucking Russian,” I spit, not understanding. That should be reason enough for him to be joking.

In our world, being Russian is a crime similar to stabbing the Pope.

We’ve been at war over New York with them ever since they decided to try and get a stronghold on the east coast, and I’ve killed more of them than I can fucking count. Now I’m marrying one?

“Yes, she is, and so is her father, Alexei Olov.” Aka the Bratva Boss responsible for blowing up half of St. Petersburg last year when the local police refused to buy his weapons. “You will marry her, move to New York full time, and run the city with her by your side.”

“Why? Two or three more years, and we’ll have the city anyway.” Every day the Russians get weaker, and I’ve been responsible for pushing them out of my city block by block.

So there has to be a reason we’re suddenly okay with the enemy.

Rhysand sighs. “It was his idea, not mine. Orlov has agreed to sell our coke in Moscow and Seattle instead of his usual dealer and will supply us all the weapons we need for five years. There will also be no more midnight raids, bullshit arrests on bullshit charges, or missing shipments. He’s offering you a dowry, too.”

I don’t need his money, but the old fashioned term makes me laugh.

“Yeah? And how much does he think his wolf cub is worth?”

His lips twitch. “Ten million.”

“She must be a real pain in the ass, then, if he’s going to pay me that much to take her,” I chuckle.

Not that ten million dollars is anything but pocket change for the man. Orlov may be losing the fight in New York, but the bastard is richer than sin. 

Selling arms to half of the entire world will do that to a person.

“I hear she’s beautiful,” he says, trying to tempt me to not fight him.

“Then you marry her,” I shoot back, not ready to give up the argument.

“I don’t feel like it.” Fucking typical. Rhysand sighs. “You and I both know we can work this deal to our advantage, so what will make you say yes?”

He could order to me to say yes and I’d have to, but he hates enforcing that kind of authority with me.

So I think it over, make a show of lighting a new cigar. “I want Sera.”

It’s a burlesque club in New York I’ve always been a little envious of, owned by Orlov and operated by his men. I’d tried to buy it a few years back but hadn’t had enough leverage on the Russian to strongarm him into selling.

Now I do.

Rhysand--the only one who knows about my failed attempt to buy the place--nods and tells me he’ll make it happen.

“When’s all this happening, anyway?”

He looks like he might laugh. “Wedding is in a month, but she’s flying in tomorrow night.”

A quick laugh forces its way out of me. Also typical of him to give me absolutely no time to change my mind.

Well, I have a month. That’s already longer than any relationship I’ve ever had. 

Sighing, I stand and shake his hand, cementing the deal before I can even lament the loss of my bachelorhood.

~Nesta~

“Chto sluchilos?”

I slide my gaze to my father, because seriously, that’s the stupidest fucking question I’ve ever heard. 

What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Everything.

“Nichego,” I lie, assuring him for what feels like the tenth time as I look out the window. The plane picks up speed and lifts off, taking me towards an uncertain future, an uncertain place.

I might have told him nothing’s wrong, but inside, I’m screaming.

Three days ago, I woke up to find a marriage contract on the pillow beside me. There was a blank space where my name had been typed and a pen waiting for me to remedy that.

I still haven’t.

I’m not signing anything until I meet this... Cassian. 

God, what an Italian name.

An image springs to mind, one of a slumped-over, hairy-chest beast with slicked back hair and a gold chain. 

I know it’s stereotypical and hopefully incorrect, but I’ve never been to Italy and Alexei strictly forbids me watching movies that portray Italians as anything except revolting. 

But looks aside, there’s one thing I don’t need to guess to know. 

My future husband will be like all the other men in my life: controlling.

Men in the world I live in take what they want, don’t ask for permission, and feel like they’re entitled to anything and everything. I’ve dealt with it my entire life, so it’s more amusing than anything at this point.

I guess I’m a bit non-traditional in that sense, considering most of the women around me have no problems taking orders from their fathers or husbands. But Alexei and I figured out pretty early in life that wasn’t going to work for me.

As he frequently likes to tell me, I started telling him to fuck off when I was five.

What did he expect? All the kids I hung out with were the opposite sex and at least five years older than me, so my vocabulary and mannerisms became pretty... colorful early on.

Regardless, I’m just not looking forward to having to deal with yet another man who thinks he can control me.

“Ty vresh',” Alexei accuses, lips twitching. You’re lying. 

“Konechno.” Of course. 

Of course I’m upset, but I understand what’s happening. I might have found out about it three days ago, but I’ve known it was coming for far longer.

As the only child of the great Alexei Orlov, Wolf of Moscow and Pakhan of the Russian Bratva, I’ve been told my entire life that I will one day be used as a pawn to gain more power.

It would--should--piss me off, but I’ve also been told I’m to one day take my father’s place and run his company.

So by gaining more power for him, I’m also doing the same for myself.

Not that I really give a shit about that kind of thing. I started officially working for Alexei years ago, and I already have enough money saved to never have to work again. 

But in the Bratva, there’s no getting out. I was put in this world by birth, and the only thing that will take me out is death. 

In case it isn’t obvious, I’m not a typical business woman. 

My father is an arms-dealer. 

A less than legal one, if you believe the heinous lies the media spreads about him.

He sells weapons to governments, private armies, and whoever the fuck else has the money to buy. 

He’s also built himself a shipping empire to haul said weapons around the globe, runs the drugs and prostitute rings in Moscow, and has enough real estate to rival most small countries.

It probably sounds like I don’t care, and that’s because I don’t. 

I like what I do in the sense that I have a mind for business. I went to business school and graduated at the top of my class, and I enjoy running the clubs and hotels I have. Trained by Alexei himself, I’m ruthless in negotiations, enough so that people started calling me the Wolf Cub by the time I was twenty. 

But despite being good at it, I’m not particularly fond of the aspect most people think of when they picture my career in the Bratva. I detest drugs, have never hired a prostitute, and don’t really enjoy selling arms to bad people. 

The alleyway meetups, the broken bones and bullet holes, and the blown up houses are all a little tiring to me.

Sure, it sounds exciting. And for a while, it was. I used to lose myself in the chaos, used to enjoy coming home with busted knuckles. But I honestly just got tired of it.

Right now, I don’t have to deal with it as much because Alexei’s still alive. But when he dies and I officially take over the family business, I’ll have to be more involved. Even if the thought makes me want to sigh.

I pull out my laptop and look over the financial report for Sera, my newest club in New York. As predicted, everything’s running smoothly. 

I turn the laptop around to show my father, grinning when he pulls out his reading glasses and leans closer. 

“Starik,” I tease. Old man. 

He flicks my forehead, then reads the report and nods. Then he turns to his phone, probably playing Angry Birds or some shit, and leaves me to work.

The plane ride goes by quickly, and by the time we’ve landed in Chicago, I’ve gotten ahead on my schedule for next week, slept, and changed into what I’ve chosen as the “meeting my future husband” dress.

It’s simple and sleek, the black material clinging to my curves without being obscene. It’s long enough to hide the holster on my thigh, not that I feel in any danger with four personal guards stationed near me at all times.

My heels click as I make my way down the plane stairs and across the tarmac to the waiting sedan, and once my luggage and belongings are unloaded, we head to the Italian Capo’s house.

We’re meeting here, finalizing the contract, and then Cassian and I are flying to New York. 

My new home.

“Try to look happy,” Alexei tells me, his heavily accented English almost ridiculous to hear. He speaks English only when he’s in the states, and considering he hasn’t come here since I graduated B school two years ago, he’s a little out of practice.

“I’m ecstatic,” I say, intentionally using a word I know he doesn’t understand.

His eyes narrow, because it isn’t the first time I’ve used this trick, but he doesn’t call me out on it. We continue to ride in ecstatic silence, eventually pulling up in front of the Capo’s... house.

It’s almost obscene to call it that, considering it’s fucking huge. Like obnoxiously huge.

I heave a sigh, step out of the car, and take in my surroundings. The neighborhood’s quiet, likely filled with friends of the Cosa Nostra too scared to make any noise. 

A butler--seriously, a butler--opens the door and welcomes us inside, and as soon as I step in, I have to repress the urge to roll my eyes.

The amount of dirty money in the air is suffocating. It drips off the vaulted ceilings, down the artwork on the walls, across the marble floors. It’s in the little details of the crystal chandeliers and the mahogany staircase. 

Ridiculous.

One look at Alexei’s disgusted face says he’s thinking the same thing.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re rich. Grossly so. Alexei could have ten houses just like this, if he wanted them.

But he doesn’t. He owns property all over the world, but most of it is commercial or apartment complexes--property that makes him money, in other words. This, however, is a massive waste of capital. 

The butler leads us further through the house and into an office where four men wait. 

One is immediately identifiable as their lawyer, his over-priced cologne making me have to resist the urge to sneeze. The humongous man in the corner is hired muscle, if the boxy shape of the guns under his jacket is any indication.

The man behind the desk is obviously in charge, so I’m guessing he’s the Capo. Rhysand or Rhyland or something weird like that. He takes me in silently, bright eyes not seeming to miss any details. 

That leaves the man leaning against the desk to be Cassian Azara.

My fiancé. 

Our eyes meet, his golden gaze beautiful and wild, and I have to remember to keep my expression bored. 

Because the stereotype, the horrible image I’d conjured up in my mind, couldn’t be further from the truth.

For one, he isn’t hunched-over. He stands tall, leaning a hip against his Capo’s desk with obvious confidence. But I see more than just self-assuredness in his eyes. He seems a little too rough around the edges, wild gaze almost like he’s daring someone to swing at him. 

If the confidence didn’t already make him attractive, his looks sure as hell get the job done.

His hairs long and dark and curly, half of it pulled up in a rouge manner that clashes with the suit he’s filling. He has a few days’ stubble, too, like standing still long enough to shave just isn’t an option. 

His shoulders are impossibly wide, narrowing down to trim hips and legs long enough to make him tower over everyone in the room. 

His knuckles are tattooed and split open, and there’s a cut above his eyebrow that tells me I was correct to assume he’s a fighter by nature. 

Usually, that would be a deterrent for me, but there’s something about the way he’s dressed in a dark suit jacket and crisp white shirt while also looking so untamed that has me cocking my head to study him some more. 

He studies me, too, beautiful eyes taking in the long blonde hair and bright blue eyes offset by pale skin. He looks at the dress like he can see everything underneath, and I have the strangest urge to blush. Jesus, he’s toxic.

He’s attractive, is what I’m getting at.

Which is not what I had planned on, considering I’d been trying to think of a plan on how to not sleep with him, but suddenly that’s all my mind can focus on.

His lips twitch like he knows what I’m thinking, and I realize we’ve just been standing here staring at each other for a bit too long.

So I turn back to Alexei and shrug like I’ve seen what my future husband has to offer and aren’t impressed in the slightest. 

I toss the marriage contract on the desk, grab the Capo’s fancy little fountain pen out of his hand, and sign my name on the blank above my name. 

Cassian watches, but I ignore him entirely until the ink has dried. Then I look up at him through my lashes and wink, turn on my heel, and leave the room.

~Cassian~

I think I’m in love.

Fuck.

She hasn’t said a single goddamn word, but the way she looked at me has me feeling itchy all over, anticipation and nerves rolling through me. I feel like I feel before I fight or something exciting happens.

Like I’m primed and ready and need it to happen now. 

Nesta Orlov, my bride to be, is nothing like I expected. 

I was fully braced for some meek little woman, similar to most of my friends’ wives, to come in and smile and say hello. 

But nope. Nesta didn’t smile; she came in like she was walking onto a battlefield. 

And she didn’t smile. She looked me over, clinical blue gaze noticing too much, and left me feeling winded. God, she’s beautiful. Just looking at her made me hot.

She also didn’t say hello. 

Just signed the contract and left, like this was nothing more to her than a boring business deal. I mean, that’s what it is, but... I don’t know, I expected more of a reaction. 

I’ve heard from some Underbosses that their wives cried or raged when they were forced to sign, but shit if that were the case with Nesta. She honest to God looked like she didn’t care.

Alexei, on the other hand, does look a little pissed about the situation, but I couldn’t care less of the old man’s opinion. He’s signed the contract, so to me, he’s irrelevant. Regardless, he and Rhys proceed to iron out some of the details about the wedding and other shit I’m not paying attention to.

Then they shake hands, and the Russian warlord turns to leave. 

He reaches the door and looks over his shoulder at me, and there’s amusement in his cold gaze as he mutters, “Udachi.” Good luck. 

As soon as he’s gone, Roman and the lawyer follow, leaving me alone with Rhys. 

He slides the contract to me, and I sign my name next to hers, making this shit official. 

“This should be interesting,” he comments, vague as usual. 

I sigh, because I have a feeling interesting isn’t going to cover it. 

_____________________________________________________

NEXT CHAPTER

Tags: @elorcan-trash @januarystears @emikadreams @sjm-things @santas-dwynwen @thebitchupstairs @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @shinya-hiiragi @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @masstrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

[medusinestories]

Aaa Miranda is in this ep and so of course this got Long!

Black Sails, III (S1 ep03)

- I just LOVE the domestic scenes of Flint waking up at home, surrounded by white crisp linen, wearing an oversized shirt, and going straight to a pot of something that smells good (I'm guessing it's tea or a spice he intends to use afterwards). And also how, outside of the rough life at sea, he's actually delicate, wincing when Miranda tends to him a bit roughly.

- I think a reason why I didn't really understand Miranda on my first watch is because she's sulking in a very cool/restrained way in these scenes. She's relieved that Flint's back, but finds small ways to put him down (commenting on the blood on her floor, chiding him for not telling her about the wound, stinging him with disinfectant) that express that she's not altogether happy with him/his behaviour.

- In the meanwhile, Flint's back to being Captain Oblivious. In spite of Miranda's little digs he's so smug about having found the schedule that he doesn't notice that she's unhappy. It's only when she doesn't jump for joy when he gives her the Middleton book that he cottons on that she’s not in a great mood.

- Also, I'll die on the "Flint is bi" hill, and to me the way Flint looks at Miranda when she's fixing his bandages is not only smug but also seductive - she’s the one who’s not receptive in this moment. But the fact that Miranda talks of "having you all to myself" in the same conversation also suggests that their relationship is (still) romantic/sexual. (and while I’m on my unpopular opinion spree, I don’t want to hear anything about “straightbaiting”: reducing Flint and Miranda’s relationship to a trick used by the creators to make the audience think Flint is straight is deeply disrespectful of whatever these two characters share)

- We get to see a lot of Silver writing out the contents of the stolen page, and boy is he proficient with a quill and ink. Where/how/why did a little thief he learn to read and write? This definitely isn't the typical education of a London orphan.

- "Don't torture me, my pain threshold is very low, and I'd say anything to make it stop"... so Silver is threatening to be incoherent and/or inaccurate under torture? A pretty weak argument when faced with someone who wants to torture you for information. And this reminds me that Gates (and Flint, and Billy though he looked very ill at ease) was ready to torture Max in the previous episode to get information, though he presented it as a last resort. And yet here Flint snorts and walks away when Billy suggests torture decides to take Silver along with their crew. So how is Silver different from Max, here? Could it possibly be related to the fact that he and Flint eyesex stare at each other all through the conversation, hmm?

- Back to Breaking Billy: Billy wants to do everything in his power to prevent the crew from finding out that Silver is the actual thief, imo mostly because he doesn't want the crew to find out that he lied to them about Singleton. Billy is shown to be a terrible liar: when he brings Silver to Randall, saying Silver lost a bet to him, Randall immediately tells him that there's no betting onboard, catching him out and putting him in an awkward situation. Gates also warned Billy off canvassing to find out if the crew is still angry with Flint, and was quite right: Morley and Turk immediately figure out what he's doing. However, by the end of the episode, he also uses his reputation of being honest to convince Morley that Singleton was, indeed, a thief. I wonder how he feels about using his reputation of honesty to cover up a lie.

- In the meantime Silver actually does what Billy was trying to do very badly: he finds out who's still against Flint. Unlike Captain Oblivious, Silver has somehow intuited that Billy needed to find the dissenters, possibly because he's figured out that Billy hates keeping up the lie. In any case, he plays double agent in order to gain Billy’s trust (perhaps a bad strategy to gain an honest man’s trust... just saying).

- Hornigold, after an incredibly pompous tirade about the noble origins of the chair he’s sitting on, has the gall to call Flint arrogant and presumptuous. Apparently, arrogant and presumptuous is the kind of people who Gates is friends with/drawn to. I also can't help but wonder why Gates believes that Hornigold's crew knows and trusts him and that it'll be easy for him to captain them. I wonder if Hornigold used to have Gates as a Quartermaster, pre-Flint. The fact that Hornigold tells Gates that he's starting to speak like Flint, in a reproachful tone, could also�� be a clue.

- Gates' advancing age is a major subject in this episode, with Hornigold saying that Gates is one of the rare people who's actually getting dumber with age, and Rackham playing on Gates' doubts about his physical condition and mental alertness to convince him to enrol Vane in their capture of the Urca. Gates himself mentioned previously that he doesn’t plan on pirating all his life. Interestingly, Flint doesn't once suggest that he has any doubt about Gates’ ability to captain a ship, and I really don’t think he has (both a sign of great trust, but also a Captain Oblivious trait, as he’s seemingly blind to Gates’ anxiety and possibly the reality of Rackham’s comment about Gates’ physical condition).

- In this episode, Miranda hands her copy of Meditations to Richard Guthrie. Some people have asked why she'd hand something so revealing about Flint to someone like Guthrie. At the point where she gives the book to him, he: 1) doesn't know who she is (she refuses to answer when asked) 2) is supposedly bedridden and being guarded by an armed man, and therefore 3) wouldn't be able to guess who "T.H." is with the information that he currently has. She didn't expect Richard Guthrie that would be a sneaky bastard who was less wounded than he appeared to be and who’d go snooping around her house at the first occasion (btw, snooping parallel: Guthrie in Flint’s house finds out personal information and Silver in Flint’s cabin finds out strategic information). I think that what Miranda wanted was to have someone she could talk to about Meditations, a book that she, her husband, and Flint had all enjoyed, and that she likely couldn’t share with Flint anymore because it’s too painful a subject for him.

- Which brings me to Miranda's situation: her loneliness and the precariousness of her life is already framed quite clearly in this episode. The pastor sends spies to watch her house when Flint is around, and openly asks her to join his congregation so that he can save her from Flint and the impending arrival of the Navy. In the meantime, the crew believe she's at the centre of Flint's "evil": some believe that she's a witch who controls Flint, and Morley tells Billy that she's the reason why Flint treats the crew like pawns.

- The whole Flint/Gates workplace comedy scenes never fail to crack me up. Flint laughing at the suggestion Vane should captain the second ship, followed by "you're serious", and Gates doing damage control in a very restrained tone at first, then the second time screaming insults at Flint... just... *chef's kiss*

- Rackham is shown to be incredibly devious and persuasive in this episode. He manages to convince Gates to convince Flint to take on his worst enemy as a work partner (in a moment when he's getting into Gates' head, he goes as far as to imitate his Yorkshire accent!). He's also extremely aware that Vane isn't all that interested in money, but definitely interested in what Eleanor will think of him. I’d also note that if someone is callous about Max in this episode, it’s him: he sends Vane to “deal with her”, expecting him to kill her off.

- As much as we know that Flint's "tough captain" behaviour is partly an act, we tend to forget that Vane is also shown to be keeping up appearances in order to remain a leader of an extremely difficult/unruly crew. I didn't address the punch in the face he gives Eleanor in ep 1, but he explicitly says this was to avoid losing face in front of his men after she punched him. The same goes for the capture/beating/rape of Max: "what you did required an answer", he tells her. But then chooses to secretly set her free rather than rape/kill her as he’s expected to do. He's obviously smitten with Eleanor, and is the one who initiates tender moments after sex. This is why I can never really dislike this ship, because it's between two very damaged people who are at odds mostly because they’re in a power struggle where they each have to look strong/powerful.

- I hate hate hate the whole Max-rape plot, as I'm sure most of the fandom also does. I do get that Max is furious with Eleanor, and possibly extra-furious because Eleanor instantly turns saving Max from Vane's crew into a strategic move where she punishes Vane (ironically, the one who wanted to let Max go) by forcing Vane’s crew into joining Flint, rather than focusing on, say, Max’s wellbeing. But "Max wants to hurt Eleanor/is hurting from the breakup so badly that she willingly submits to being raped/beaten by the crew, AGAIN"... hrm. I have trouble connecting this self-destructive side of Max's personality with the character we see after her ordeal. Again, opinions welcome because I may be missing/misunderstanding something, but I feel like the writers didn’t really know what they were doing with her character at this point.