#your identity and to increase validity

[swordsandflowercrowns]

I was explaining this to a friend recently and I think it's an important distinction to make: not all queerplatonic relationships look the same.

A good way I've found to illustrate what exactly a qpr is, is to say "a qpr is to relationships what nonbinary is to gender". While both of these traditionally function on a binary (male/female, platonic/romantic), by defining our personal outlooks and experiences of the concepts of gender and relationships with new terms, we challenge the boundaries that society has put in place.

And yes, whilst redefining what actually constitutes romantic or platonic relationships, or male and female identities, and what makes them different (and acknowledging where they overlap, or where they can expand past what we traditionally expect) is important to increasing our understanding, so is providing options entirely outside of those two boxes.

And that's what it is - options. It's very easy to trivialise the concept of nonbinary and simply make gender into a trinary, rather than a binary. Male/female/nonbinary, which goes against the very purpose of the nonbinary label. This further erases the spectrum of gender. It's the same with relationships - by giving a strict set of instructions on how a qpr must look and act, you are simply creating a trinary. The point of the concept of qprs is to acknowledge that there are relationships between people that may overlap platonic and romantic, or fall partially within one and partially outside, or ones that are entirely separate from either category.

There are an infinite amount of ways a relationship can manifest, and if the people in the relationship feel that queerplatonic best describes their partnership without romance, or their affection without commitment, or their feelings towards each other that aren't quite what romantic or platonic is to them, or any other reason that rebels against amatonormativity, then they can choose to use that term. Queerplatonic covers the widest range of relationships that come in all shapes and sizes.

I think it's so important when discussing topics like relationships and gender to consciously make the effort to keep queering our ideas of the concepts - to remember that a spectrum is a spectrum. Labels can be useful for finding community, identifying your experiences and validating your struggles, but as soon as you try to start hyper-defining them, you lose the radical nature of queering our understanding of ourselves and our relationships. We name these concepts in order to give a voice to our subversion of society's arbitrary rules and expectations, not to police each other into conforming to a particular understanding of how a person (with a certain label) "should" act or be.

[myun-saidthoughts]

Astrology Observations

💫3rd house synastry increases ease with communication, especially when the Moon or Venus are involved, comfortability with sharing your feelings or thoughts/emotions will come natural.

💫For a woman, if she has an Aquarius Mars she will appreciate her partner to be visually or intellectually different.

Appearance Wise: someone who stands out in some way, someone who is comfortable in their feminine and masculine energy, someone who doesn't need outside validation from others, someone who is confident without being overly aggressive or forthcoming. Another note is someone who has an unique or artistic style, someone who puts effort in their wardrobe, (rings, necklaces, painted nails, accessories) Open-mindedness is very very ideal, and if they have more of a theoretical mindset with how they view the world brings in more attraction for the native.

💫4th house synastry (especially with conjunctions to your IC) will create an energy that brings you a sense of comfort you never knew was possible.

💫8th house friendships can also take on more of an intense dynamic, expectations still arise, especially for the person with more Scorpio/8H influence.

💫If you struggle with accepting intimacy, love, or romance but deal with South Node + water house synastry (along with other indicators of attraction such as aspects/house overlays/more past life synastry aspects) letting them go will feel impossible, especially if they bring you this type of curiosity you hardly feel from anyone else.

💫Neptune-Moon synastry doesn't get talked about enough. If attraction and desire are factors within relationships with harsh Neptune to Moon influence, the dynamic can feel fated. At one end of the spectrum the Neptune person can confuse the Moon person, the Neptune person can showcase as someone the Moon person can't really understand and yet there could be a desire to save or idealize them. Similar to Pluto influence the spectrum of the intensity depends on each souls but someone with a lot of Neptune/12th house placements in their natal chart will feel very drawn to this connection.

💫Vertex synastry comes at you unexpectedly. You could know someone for quite some time with no initial curiosity to know them better, but once they enter your atmosphere in some deep manner, you will feel very very close and comfortable with this person.

💫4th house synastry can elicit intense feelings especially if there are mutual IC conjunctions (bonus if each others Vesta asteroid conjuncts each others IC) as well as have Moon conjunct Pluto in the composite chart. These added factors will add more intense dependent need for this person.

💫Jupiter synastry is so cute. You will feel so optimistic when you're around this person. You can't help but feel like you can handle anything that comes your way, you're excited, content, and trusting of the individual looking at you (especially if you guys share more 4th house synastry).

💫Each water moon can struggle with extremes, in some shape or form.

💫 Individuals with natal 12th house placements (especially Venus) may often turn to music as a means of escaping reality.

💫Capricorn moon individuals struggle with accepting the fact that they have emotion. Often times their mother was absent or emotionally un-nurturing, leaving them to feel uncomfortable with sharing their emotions, they struggle with feeling safe, they may not have a direct resentment link towards their mother, but in some aspects her coldness leads them towards the same void of avoiding emotions they wish to escape from.

💫Libra stelliums are likely to find a partner, and with that partner they may lose their identity or self within them. They feel complete when another is "their person" but with it may also lead to codependency.

💫Libra karma can deal with issues of stating their opinions, thoughts, and desires. They may think it's easier to avoid conflict or disarray but all that does is create a deeper hole of forgetting who they truly are.

💫People with 8TH house natal placements (especially stelliums) are more likely to experience extremes in their life, whether it be with finances, partners, or emotion. It is likely that they can end up being dependent on another for resources/money etc.

💫Gemini placements (maybe even air placements in Gemini degrees) are more likely to be on the spectrum with their sexuality, it's more likely that they would be attracted to anyone they just find attractive. Although sexual attraction and romantic/emotional attraction are very different categories. You can be sexually attracted to someone but have no emotional or romantic desire for that individual, sexuality is a very complexed spectrum.

💫Sagittarius suns with Taurus risings handle pain with grace. More than likely if someone has these two placements with a poor placement Moon or harsh aspects towards the Moon/Sun/IC etc they are likely not to fixate or struggle with the emotional turmoil (compared to others).

💫Water moons typically have blurred boundaries with their mother. These placements manifest differently but boundaries when it comes to their mother or the love within their dynamic is often times more complicated.

💫Fire dominate/Venus individuals are more likely to have physical touch be their love language.

💫Gemini venus's get bored very easily, constant stimulation or some excitement in the dynamic is needed. (But 5H/7H/Cancer/Leo/Libra placements with a Gemini venus are less likely to become bored)

💫Moon-Mars & Venus-Asc synastry will create intense attraction almost instantly.

💫8th house stelliums are likely to deal with large sums of money at one point in their life, or they will owe others money, they will be given money, or other people's money becomes a major factor in their life; someway or somehow

💫9th house placements appreciate other people's culture, beliefs, thoughts, and ways of life that differ from their own.

💫Virgo's placements with prominent 10th house or Capricorn placements can create an individual to be very hard on themselves, the goals they place on themselves oftentimes exceed others, prompting them to feel less than if left unaccomplished or unproductive.

[astrolovecosmos]

The North Node & The Choices You Make

The North Node paints a picture of our choices in life, especially when connecting these choices to one's destiny, your path in life. All choices have a cause and effect, but the North Node focuses on major decisions that pertain to your growth or your "soul's growth". I think you could somewhat compare it to something like a "canon" event or decisions.

Aries North Node may present challenges and choices revolving around identity and independence. The uncomfortable, risky, or scary decisions one may have to make tend to revolve around self-expression, bravery, and standing on one's own.

Taurus North Node involves making choices around and facing down paths of fear, jealousy, and possessiveness. Security is the key word for this placement. Temptation towards safety vs. their natural determination will be a common struggle.

Gemini North Node is going to face many questions and challenges revolving around truth and lies. Facing the truth about themselves may be the biggest challenge for this node. Their life-changing or "canon moment" choices tend to revolve around self-expression, opinions, and the information/knowledge they consume.

Cancer North Node may be confronted with large choices revolving around taking care of their needs vs. someone else's. They may also get stuck at crossroads involving suppressing their needs or emotions vs. tending to and expressing them.

Leo North Node may find they run into challenges or choices that either empower or disempower them. Their passion and integrity may be tested often. Following their heart doesn't always come easily, but it is a temptation, a call for them, maybe destiny.

Virgo North Node tends to run into the question of to help or intervene or to not? Humility vs. pride, following vs. leading, tolerance vs judgment, and even support vs. sabotage are themes that can exist for a NN in Virgo. They are after fulfillment, reward, validation, recognition, appreciation, but most of all a real cause to serve and be apart of.

Libra North Node cannot underestimate their choices in terms of relationships and the people they surround themselves with. Balance, equality, giving and receiving are major themes here. Their hardest choices may revolve around being part of a partnership or not.

Scorpio North Node tends to be pushed towards self-mastery in many ways. Some of their hardest choices in life are highly introspective such as setting boundaries and rules for the self, diving into secrets and the subconscious, as well as testing and breaking their own limitations.

Sagittarius North Node may have to make difficult choices about their beliefs. Choices, consequences, and different paths they may go on are highly dependent on the knowledge they seek or ignore. Their curiosity and thirst for more may present more questions than answers throughout their life.

Capricorn North Node will face tough decisions and choices based around authority - especially their own authority. Rebellion, self-reliance, mentoring or finding a mentor, and taking accountability may be highly uncomfortable or scary for them, but result in some of their biggest changes.

Aquarius North Node may be asked to make choices that increase their adaptability. They might be forced often to make quick decisions due to the unpredictability of life. Evolving their identity and/or ideals can be highly uncomfortable or strange to them, but they may be dealt cards that ask them of this over and over.

Pisces North Node may have to deal with some of the more abstract or vague choices out of all the nodes. Asked to make choices revolving around their spirituality and/or their connection to nature or other people. As they grow and go through life choosing to practice empathy, introspection, or sensitivity are brought up often.

[nekropsii]

Hello, pardon and I don’t want to be a bother but I would like to ask for your take on something. And if you’re not down to answer this question, that’s completely fine, you seem to make large opinion posts on a noteworthy basis so I understand if you don’t have the energy or motivation to give an opinion right now.

But I wanted to ask for your take on the ethics of enjoying Homestuck in the modern day. Many people such as myself and seemingly you as well enjoy Homestuck but are painfully aware of all the gross stuff in it. And as I see the comic pop up in more and more dni lists, with people claiming that enjoyers of Homestuck are supporting these things inherently, no matter the fact that most of us stand against Hussie and attempt to reclaim Homestuck as something to express joy and our identities in, it makes me wonder more and more the ethics of enjoying Homestuck. Since you seem to have thoughts on the matter, I was wondering if you’d like to share your take.

I once again want to stress though, absolutely no pressure to answer. I am not entitled to your time or hearing your opinion. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. I was just asking in case you wanted to speak about it.

Hi, Anon! This is a very interesting question, and you were right to assume I have thoughts on it. They might not be as long and complicated as some of my other essays, but they still exist, and I would quite like to share them. Thank you for the opportunity.

My opinion on The Ethics of Enjoying Homestuck is that I believe it's perfectly fine to do so. I also think it's perfectly fine to dislike, or hate, or not want to associate with it or any fans of it. This is a personal boundary set by and for the individual, and it's not my business to question, nor my place to cross it. However, I don't really agree with the way some people go about communicating or enforcing this boundary. I've seen some people put Homestuck and Harry Potter on the same level before. I've seen some say that enjoyment of either piece of fiction is, at least in part, comparable. I heavily disagree with this- and the fact that this is a point that comes up shows to me that there's quite a few people who don't actually fully understand why so many people are saying to stop supporting Harry Potter.

The conflation of the two things reads to me as if some believe that Harry Potter has been "cancelled for having a problematic creator"- and that's not wholly true. Yes, J.K. Rowling is, by definition, problematic, and she is the creator of the Harry Potter franchise, but people have drawn such a hard line against supporting the series not just because J.K. Rowling is Transphobic, but because she has honest to god legislative power. She is, as it stands, currently the backbone of the TERF movement, and is spending a lot of time and money to ensure that Transphobes dominate the government. Monetary support of Harry Potter pools into her funds, which adds to her ability to further Trans Genocide. Communal/Fandom support of Harry Potter increases her visibility as a public figure, which adds to her ability to further Trans Genocide. J.K. Rowling has made very clear statements saying that she takes any support of the Harry Potter franchise- any at all, including Queer/LGBT+ Friendly fan content- as support of her beliefs. Support of Harry Potter is a method of legitimizing and validating Transphobia, and is being used as a way to further Trans Genocide.

If J.K. Rowling was just an average Transphobe, the outcry would not be nearly as severe, and the line wouldn't be nearly as clear cut. It would just be disappointing, bring to mind the phrase "same shit as always", and many would make the personal choice to distance themselves from it. But that's not the reality we live in. We live in the reality where J.K. Rowling has sway on the government, and is getting real people hurt and killed.

Andrew Hussie, creator of Homestuck, however, is just some random asshole with no political power outside of his own vote. Yes, Homestuck is filled with plenty of unsavory elements- random out-of-place interjections of Hussie's own past bigotry included- but at the end of the day, Homestuck has no influence over government action. Hussie has no tangible political influence, and does not want to have tangible political influence. We don't even have evidence that Hussie still holds the same beliefs as he did during and prior to the creation of Homestuck. This is just some random indie comic, made by some random guy in 2009. J.K. Rowling is dangerously close to billionaire status, and using that power for evil.

It's fine to like something that's not very morally clean- or something made by a not very morally clean artist, during a not very morally clean point in time in a not very morally clean place in this world. It's okay. The fixation some have on this is OCD-inducing. The best that can be asked is that one recognizes the bigotry, and doesn't perpetuate them. That's all. You can read, watch, play, and enjoy just about anything, as long as you don't make the more unsavory elements out to be a good thing. Don't start acting like Racism is awesome, or Antisemitism is cool, or Transphobia is based, et cetera, and you'll be totally fine.

The ability to find value in something impure or unsavory is a valuable one. Some may not want to associate with that, or find the particular flaw in the work in question to be too uncomfortable to stomach, and that's fine, too. Not everyone can just sit through Era-Appropriate Casual Homophobia or Racism and come out feeling fine enough to keep going. I'd argue- hope, even- that most feel at least a bit bothered by such things. It's all about personal tolerance levels. No one's committing a moral crime by either enjoying it or not wanting to even look at it.

[kyntypes]

I'm not even a therian. I'm nonhuman, but I just have to rant about common phrases (though some are exaggerated a bit for more effect) I hear in the therian community. It's getting really annoying at this point.

"Uncommon theriotypes" Who cares if it's common or not.

"Common theriotypes" Who cares if it's common or not.

"We don't ACTUALLY think we're animals!" Isn't this the entire point of therianthropy?

"This therian still thinks they're human!!! No, no no!" Cool? Okay? Some therians are also human? Also, they don't owe you complete nonhumanity... like... just because they say they're a cat and a human doesn't make them any less of a therian? Some therians hold their humanity to be just as important as their nonhuman side. Instead of judging, ask them questions and be open to hearing out their thoughts and feelings.

"Therians aren't physically nonhuman" Some are. I am not a therian, but I am physically nonhuman, and I used to be a therian.

"Clinical lycanthropy is so scary, I don't associate myself with them because I know I'm human... right guys?? I'm so human wow haha, I am totally 100% a human." Clinical lycanthropy is not the enemy and never was. Your ableism is and has always been the enemy.

"TikTok therians" Why are we distinguishing and stereotyping based on where a therian spends a lot of their time on the internet? If someone who identifies as a therian wants to express themselves with masks and quads online, I do not care.

"It's a phase for most kids" Could be the truth, but what about when it's not a phase? What then? Also, children should be allowed to explore their identity. If it is a phase, then they still learned something from it. Phase =/= unimportant.

"Therianthropy is dangerous" This is usually stated by someone who thinks therianthropy is just quadrobics, and are concerned about the safety of the sport. Therianthropy in of itself is not dangerous.

"Therianthropy is about __" Therianthropy is what you make of it. If you are technically otherlink, but want to call yourself a "chosen therian" I couldn't give less than two barks about it.

"Nooo you aren't actually a therian, you're otherlink, otherhearted, otherkin, otherfix, have a synpath, etc.!!!!" Stop telling others what they are and aren't. This is like telling someone they aren't aro-spec because they don't fit your idea of someone being 'properly aromantic'.

"I'm tired of all the (insert common animal/clade/species here) in the therian community-" Sigh. Folks don't control what species they are. They just are. It's not like canines can choose to not be canines. If I could be something "cooler", I would.

"Fake therian" A non-issue. At least, to me. We wouldn't accuse someone of faking being LGBTQIA+, so please don't assume someone is faking their species.

"Young therians are so embarrassing." These are children. Children. You are speaking about children this way. Pups. Cubs. Kittens. Foals. Chicks. Larva. Hatchlings. We all have had embarrassing moments. It's okay to find children annoying, but please don't go out of your way to harass and hate on a child just because you think you know more than them.

"Trust me, you DON'T want to be a therian... it's so painful, it's so awful, it's so terrible. I am suffering daily because of my shifts, and phantom shifts suck. I don't know why someone would ever want to induce shifts at all. Why would you ever want to shift? Why would you want this?" I see these all the time under Reddit posts in r/Therian. It makes therianthropy seem like this all-around painful thing. It was never painful for me. I never had an issue when I identified as a therian. It's a valid thing to not like your therianthropy, but making therianthropy seem universally painful only increases stigma, and erases those who have fun and find joy in their therianthropy.

"Therians aren't delusional." Some are. Some identifiy as endels. Making harmful generalizations like these gets the community nowhere, not to mention, it erases many experiences as well. Delusional is not a dirty word. You could have delusions of things and not even notice it yourself.

"You SHOULD love humans. If you don't, that's BAD! Humans are lovely and great! I just love humanity!!! They're so cool and awesome. I think everyone should LOVE humans!" Some folks don't, and that's okay. We shouldn't be spreading around toxic positivity to pressure others into liking a species of beings. We should respect that. If we can respect you disliking bugs, then we can also respect someone who is misanthropic.

[tianasoasis]

hello everyone! i'm sorry i've been so inconsistent with posting, but i am going on a hiatus. i feel like i've said everything i need to say, and i don't want to be the reason you overcomplicate things instead of applying.

additionally, i have been getting an increase of hate messages telling me things that no one wants to hear. i won't go into what they said, but they are very painful to read. despite this, my inbox is also flooded with love and kindness from all of you, which i truly appreciate.

that being said, i have decided that taking a break off of this app is the best thing for me and my followers/community right now.

but i can't take this break without giving a short summary of the law...

imagination/consciousness is the only real/original reality. whatever you are conscious of is reality because you feel it.

you can only experience things through imagination. if you don't imagine it/accept it in imagination, it does not exist

the 3d is irrelevant and just a “dead” mirror. it is nothing but a reflection of what you have already accepted in the real reality (imagination).

your identity is the inner man, not the physical/human body. you are the inner man and the body is just a vessel for you as God to experience the physical world.

the 3d cannot dictate your state, it is irrelevant

you have the power! leave the 3d alone! it has no power over you because it is quite literally a manifestation of you! there is nothing left to do except to enjoy what you already have. you have to stop trying to change the 3d. it won’t give you anything. 3d validation is unnecessary. imagination is all that you need!

thank you for reading. you got this! i love you! 💗

[kehideni]

Part 2 of https://www.tumblr.com/kehideni/756020526614478848/the-time-has-come-the-aroacest-person-ever-will?source=share

Spoilers for season 5

S5E1

When Macaque is going off on Wukong about how his companions are suddenly back and he didn't think that suspicious (which is a valid point btw, when MK forgets to hold his braincells, this season it's Macaque that holds them for him)

Wukong's reaction is to go defensive, because why would he question why they are back, when Macaque is back too.

Wukong will not say it because why would he, but he is most probably glad that his friends are back. I mean Season 4 ended with him saying that's life. Just him and his buddies having a good time on the beach.

Macaque saying "all his old companions" are back, and leaving himself out of that statement is also a quiet jab. "His old friends, your journey companions are back." What... are you not his friend too, Macaque? Are you not also back?

That pouty face to me looks hurt, and that's why Macaque backed down. I don't think he knows why Wukong looks hurt, but he is so he backs off to get the conversation back to intended tracks. MK's identity.

Macaque from his pov was trying to warn Wukong that he is being too careless, but it came accross as criticising, something that Wukong never took well, but when Nezha does it in Season 4 he only gets a crayon thrown at him, when Mac does it, it actually stings so of course he bites back. Not that he doesn't think about what Mac said to him, but well... these monkeys are horrible in communication.

I grade them both -F. Try again next year.

S5E2

Wukong picks a fight with Macaque again, which wouldn't be strange given the situation, things are tense.

But it's not like it's unreasonable for Macaque to be upset about being jailed. What is he supposed to do? Cheer?

What makes this scene kind of elevated from being a casual "things are shitty, let's bicker" scene is that... MK takes note of it nonverbally.

"You think it's my idea of a good time? Trapped in here with you?" *bites his lip

which is... whoaww tsundere much? Not like you are not also trapped there with MK... did you... forget he is there? Weird case of Macaque prioritization no. 1.

And it's not like it was just a gag and we forget it, because a few seconds later MK takes note of this verbally too.

"Nezha help, i don't wanna be a divorce lawyer." /j

The season is full of Wukong's micro facial expressions.

Half a minute ago he was pissed at Macaque and now he chuckles about how Macaque just outed MK's lawyer bit like it was nothing.

And he wasn't really laughing about MK specifically, because as MK continues his bit, his expression turns to annoyed.

Nothing, just appreciate him laughing along the get away stunt while you still can

Wukong's line here is very deliberate

"I don't trust anyone who isn't standing here with us right now." He knows what he said, and knows who heard it. An olive branch alright, but he still is shocked when his trust is proven to be placed right:

And one example of rightly placed Macaque-prioritisation (the only example, really)

Not 3 minutes ago he was laughing along, having fun and we already have the stress lines back.

People have pointed it out already, but you guys are actually correct to notice:

Wukong, you were not hit on your chest, your head is what's supposed to be hurting. And look at those increasing amount of stress lines, whaow. When MK asks if Mac got away, Wukong knows no.

And let me remind you, in Season 4 Wukong sarcastically says: "Oh right, because you always RUSH to my rescue." Well there you go honey, Macaque rushed to your rescue.

S5E7 Into the Pagoda

The thing with the 100 eyed demon is that as we saw with MK, he is looking for THE most traumatising memory with his victims.

Wukong's canonical most traumatising memory *IS* his fight with Macaque, when there could have been hundreds other memories. One of the freshest ones seeing Azure disintegrate in front of him (and yes we did see him be upset about it), but i guess that's not enough to make him cry. But if you want another example of hurtful memory (strictly taking from the show because that's what we know for sure happened) is when Mei chewed him out for being a bad friend to MK. Or... well i guess Wukong is the older brother of MK now.

Look at those stress lines

Before this scene, let me remind you, the last we saw Wukong was having fun on Tang's expense.

Macaque once again sees how Wukong is upset but has no idea that he is the reason behind it and ends up being rather inconsiderate of Wukong's mood.

(This exchange is tonally deaf from Macaque's side.

It's akin to like when you just lost your pet and when you get home your mom goes off on you for not having washed the dishes.)

Wukong really doesn't care in this second that they got captured, nor that MK went off alone in the pagoda. This is Wukong's second case of "weird Macaque-priority". Something that he really shouldn't allow himself in the apocalypse.

The third time he prioritises Macaque is even weirder. MK just left to KILL HIMSELF. You really don't have time to check on Macaque, Wukong.

But he does.

Even Macaque calls him out on that:

"Stop the kid, you idiot!" and Macaque is right. TF you doing wasting time Wukong?

At the end Wukong is being perfectly open about Mac being important to him.

Thing is, it's also well timed that he starts to care about Macaque again, because alarmingly lot of times this Season Macaque was isolated from everyone. Not in a physical sense, although that too happened, but in imagery as well:

Everyone is grouped: Mei with Wukong, Tang Pigsy Sandy, Nezha and his father. Note their position too.

And yes, the hand holding block happened on purpose too, btw:

Macaque's reward in season 4 for helping the good guys was that he is no longer alone, unlike how he was from season 1 to 3. But season 5 suggests that he *IS* still alone, and while Wukong seeks him out, they are not there yet. Wukong is no longer alone, but Macaque still is.

[radioactivewisdom]

I’m not here to promote anything. I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness looking to sign more folks on. I’m not scouting signatures for my political party. I’m not a feminist who’s only looking to increase numbers and hashtags. I’m not holding a sign up sheet and handing out pamphlets. I’m simply sharing my thoughts because for years now, all I’ve heard is some versions of “if only women were taught the truth, then we wouldn’t be in this mess.” Look what happens when you do…

Whether it’s the realities of marriage, the loss of identity to motherhood, unequal responsibilities of domestic duties, or the prevalence of sexual diseases, women are always claiming that they had “no idea.” Not too long ago there was a “radical” post about contracting several UTI’s for years on end because of sleeping with a man who had an unwashed ass and p***s. Of course it was medical misogyny’s fault because the doctors hadn’t warned her that having sex with people who don’t shower is bad. I share the truth but because I don’t sugarcoat my words to appease egos, they refuse to listen. Or, lash out at other women instead.

It’s the same old song and dance over and over again. Women grumbling about how terrible and dangerous relationships with men are. How you can never know, even if married for fifty years, that they’ll one day snap. That there’s zero way to predict the outcome and not even mothers can control their sons. So then you give the only reasonable solution, stop engaging. Suddenly, you’re the problem. How dare you suggest that their desire for romance and family go unfulfilled. Plus, it’s actually YOUR responsibility to make sure their wishes are fulfilled in the first place, this is a sisterhood after all.

I share my perspective that is rooted in reality, not fantasies of how you believe the world should be. I don’t care that you think sex with men should be something that it’s not. HPV and the cancers that result from them aren’t pretty, so neither are my words when describing them. These same women are the embodiment of what they claim to be tired of. “No, don’t talk about it like that!” “Women aren’t going to listen to you when you say it that way!” Okay, then enjoy make believe and embrace the life you’ve crafted.

The world continues on because everyone is out to create their own version of it, which boils down to “I get to do whatever I want without anything bad happening to me.” Sensory pleasure and social validation is their “meaning.” They react so negatively when their delusions are pointed out because it shatters their very reason for being. Genuinely no different than any other form of addiction and the denial that comes with it. You’re not five years old anymore, analysis has to go deeper than cops and robbers. Adult women want Disneyfied explanations that distort objective reality, then claim they’ve been misled.

I thought men were the ones who couldn’t handle the truth. Women need to finally decide. Are men incompetent babies who can’t even wash themselves properly, or are they manipulative masterminds who are able to con you for years on end? It can’t be both. The truth is available to you, if you don’t want it, fine. Live your life! There’s no need to hide behind cowardice and ignorance once things don’t work out for you. You weren’t tricked and you didn’t lose just because the game ended. Winning was clearly never an option in the first place.

[words-of-wolf]

Having some Thoughts once more.

Specifically thinking about self-policing identity. Obviously policing others is a huge issue in the alterhuman and adjacent communities, but setting up my soap box here to talk about how we internalise the need to police identity.

Putting a cut here because god do I need to stop writing these walls of text that people then have to scroll past for eternity even if they're not interested in reading it asjdkhjksah !!

When I was a teen, I saw otherkin and therians self-policing and I respected them. I thought they were really strong for doing that; I thought it was necessary, and that the only way we could ever be accepted as a community is if we leaned hard into minimising our experiences, making things "palatable". It wasn't a conscious belief, but it was very present.

So that's what I emulated. Any discussion of my experiences, or my feelings, usually would get a lot of reassurances sprinkled in there: "this is just my beliefs", "it's okay if you don't believe this too", "I know this sounds far-fetched", "this is just my internal identity".

I thought that made me sound reasonable and respectable. Maybe it even did.

But nowadays, I see people doing this kind of thing - minimising their experiences, adding disclaimers, policing themselves - and mostly it just makes me feel sad for them. Not in a condescending way, cause I've been there, I know how it feels to believe you've gotta make yourself sound "reasonable" to be respected. But I don't feel respect for that attitude, it just makes me sad.

And now, I'm here growing into a version of myself where I finally start to feel like I'm an adult, and I finally start to feel like I'm myself in a way unhindered by that constant fear and self-regulation, and I can see plain as day how much the self-policing doesn't actually work.

Cause you could present the weirdest, most outlandish identity possible to someone, but if you don't make a big deal out of it they probably won't either. Casual but unapologetic is, I think, the best way to go. You don't always have to hide yourself. (Obviously, take time to judge your situation first, but, same goes for most things outside of "the norm").

But presenting yourself as some vulnerable thing who has to placate any aggression before it even happens - well, that just makes people uncomfortable, and the mean ones will single you out as a target for it more than they'd do with someone who's just kinda "whatever" about the whole situation.

And the same thing goes for if you have an identity that feels weird by alterhuman standards, y'know? Chill but unapologetic will get you far. You'll feel more comfortable in yourself, too. Cause when everything you say is minimised, you can start to internalise that too - and it can make you feel like embracing your identity wholeheartedly is a bad thing, or like your own perception of self should have the same uncertainty to it that your descriptions of it do.

I think... the desire and impulse to self-police and minimise is not something you can just "switch off". But I hope reading this can get the ball rolling for those of you out there who struggle with this in the same way I did!

You don't need to police yourself. You don't need to censor yourself.

Doing this doesn't help the community, and it doesn't increase our standing and validity in the eyes of people on the outside. At best, it does nothing; at worst, it makes us seem uncertain, nervous, and an easy target.

And doing this hurts yourself. It affects things in ways that are hard to even see, but take it from someone who's experienced it: these feelings can pierce so, so deep.

You don't need to apologise for who you are. I don't care how "weird" your identity or experiences are - it's you, it's who you are, nobody can touch that. And if you're genuine about it, people will accept you for it, and sometimes gravitate towards you, even; particularly the others who feel the same way, who are the "weird ones" among the weirdos.

Cause when you're unapologetic, when you're genuine in a way that's not flavoured by fear, you kinda... become a safe space. You create an atmosphere around you that gives other people permission to do the same. To just be themselves, without the uncertainty and fear.

And that's really special! It's important.

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hey we've been thinking about that "OSDD was a temporary diagnosis" post for a while and. it makes complete sense what you guys said but like. we can't get ANYONE to diagnose us as anything CDD, let alone anything that isn't going to give us the treatment equivalent of slapping a bandaid on a stab wound. Is there like, anywhere we could look further into P-DID/DID research on the subject? We're not comfortable moving off of the self diagnosis of OSDD-1b yet so we wanna be triple sure to get as much information as possible.

Thankies 💕💕💕

- 🐑 & 🌸 of the Constellation Collective

There's places all over to find that info, but I want to encourage you not to overthink it. You can dig deeper, you absolutely should, but the label... it doesn't matter. It's really, truly okay to get this one wrong and switch around between the labels or use them interchangeably. I promise. You don't need to be right, because you're right regardless (unless it's a misdiagnosis, but I'm going to talk about that at the end of this, because it's important).

I am diagnosed OSDD, but I call myself DID. It's easy, I understand that there's not that big of a difference, no one is going to yell at us (me or you) if it turns out that we have the other one. We're not misrepresenting ourselves. If it turns out I would only ever be diagnosed with OSDD, that doesn't mean I was wrong using the DID label, or that I was even mislabelling myself.

Whether you're diagnosed with DID or OSDD largely depends on where you live. I made a post about this a while back but I can't find it. The US is more likely to diagnose OSDD with minor amnesia than the UK. They're more likely to call minor amnesia DID (as they should). It's literally a dice throw, and not that important.

To quote my BFF, Colin Ross,

The dividing line between DID and most cases of dissociative disorder not otherwise specified is arbitrary [or OSDD]. Most cases of DDNOS are partial forms of DID which lack either clear switching of executive control, full amnesia barriers between identity states, or clear differentiation and structure of identity states. They are partial forms of DID with the same patterns of childhood trauma and co-morbidity.

Also this quote.

So on the one hand we have a vast swathe of people who are, or would be, diagnosed with OSDD as opposed to dissociative identity disorder but who show almost all of the symptoms of DID. Many people therefore see DID and OSDD as appearing on a spectrum, and prefer to conflate the two conditions so that DID/OSDD represents a range of dissociative experiences with more or less amnesia and greater or less elaboration and distinctive identity states or parts of the personality.

It is also what happens in practice: very few people would realistically distinguish between DID and OSDD.

And,

Both OSDD and DID are the result of the spontaneous action of the brain in response to trauma. Both contain different self-states, holding shards of memory and ‘unformulated experience’ (Stern, 1997). Both can be helped by similar approaches to therapy which encourage neuronal repair and result in brain growth such as increased hippocampal volume. Above all, all forms of dissociation need to be validated for their unique contribution to survival.

P-DID is a bit of a new one. Here's the ICD link to it, if you want to read more, but it's going to be the same as above. It's really not that important. Its main difference is that the system doesn't really switch, it's mostly intrusion (like feelings bleeding between alters and host).

These are really only useful for describing how your system generally functions.

Finally, misdiagnosis.

It's okay to be wrong completely. Maybe it's just BPD or OCD, autism, any of the number of disorders that come with identity confusion.

When someone self DX something like BPD and they finally get to therapy and find out it's literally ANYTHING else, we celebrate with them. Good job, you found answers! You're on the right path! You can get the right kind of help now. You did what you had to do in order to get by, and you did your best to try to understand yourself with the tools you had. The use of the first label wasn't malicious, you didn't hurt anyone by using it, and you probably got yourself pretty knowledgeable on the topic.

You are now a resource for those who are also trying to figure themselves out.

Who knows better what the difference between BPD and OSDD is than someone who tried out both and found the answer?

Being wrong doesn't mean you're bad, I don't know why we don't celebrate a misdiagnosis of DID like we do some others. We're all just trying to understand ourselves, and sometimes we're wrong. The point is that eventually we figure it out, and the journey there... recognizing a misdiagnosis is a GOOD part of your story, and it's an important story to share. You were still struggling, regardless of what label you used and what you're being diagnosed with.

Use the label that feels right to you. If you want to keep using OSDD, that's fine. You're describing how your system works right now, and that's perfect. Using DID or OSDD, you'll end up in the same place regardless-- hopefully this means with a good therapist who's going to take your symptoms seriously, but you're going to end up in that same chair no matter what label you're using.

I really hope this helped.

Also, I didn't really touch on it, but I'm sorry you're struggling to get a diagnosis. That must be incredibly frustrating. Don't give up. Unfortunately, the average is about 5 years for most. Keep advocating for yourself.

[webby-mogai]

Hey this isn't my usual kinda post but I'm feeling like starting shit and scaring anti-endos off my page.

While I'm usually more passive and don't care much for drama the increasing number of anti-endogenic systems in the mogai community is fucking pathetic. You people wanna act like you're SOOOO accepting, but the moment it's something you personally don't understand you shit yourselves. Grow up. Endogenic systems literally didn't do anything to deserve your hate, you're just mad and bitter not every system has the same experiences as you. It's absolutely pathetic. "You need trauma to be a system" no the fuck you don't and any medical professional worth their degree fucking agrees. You're just fucking angry some people have a better experience with plurality than you, or you're so fucking brain washed into this stupid mindset you're unable to think critically. You've made a straw man in your head of the big boogie man that is endogenic systems.

This is all coming from a TRAUMAGENIC SYSTEM, mind you.

Endos are just trying to live their fucking lives and you lot feel the need to exclude them because you don't understand them. You're just as bad as all those trans folks that say MOGAI isn't valid. Your arguments are fucking identical, even. Like REALLY FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT. You guys sound the exact same, just replace the demographic.

Grow up, grow a pair. If this post pisses you off, good. I'm sick of seeing you assholes in this community. Get out or get with it. It's so much easier to love than to hate, and you're all filled to the brim with hatred.

I'm not taking criticism btw if you send hate I'm just gonna laugh at you in dms with my friends, maybe even publicly if it's pathetic enough. I'm not fucking responsible for trying to change peoples minds I just think someone needs to level with you pieces of shit and call you what you are: pathetic and hateful.

This isn't attacking people who are unaligned or neutral, btw. Just those who are hateful and use their hate as an excuse for cruelty and exclusion. We as a community need to strive towards being the best we can and this anti-endo shit does nothing but bring this community down.

[cypheragent]

obviously there is nothing wrong with going on hormones and then stopping if a person finds it is truly not for them but "detransitioner" is not really an apolitical identity and generally refers to a group of people i have very little sympathy for. and the coddling of detransitioners people engage in is just insane. even far too many trans people fall into this trap i'm afraid lmao. there are pretty much two kinds of people among those for whom "detransitioner" is an identity, and they are 1. the "ex-homosexuals" of trans people who are just repressing their transness now, and 2. transphobic cis people. i mean that's really it right? if detransition was truly right for a person and they really are cis now, why the fuck should i care what they think about trans issues? they aren't my problem, my responsibility, and their opinions about trans people mean as much to me as any other cis person's, which is to say: jack shit. "what about people who detransition?" literally, and i cannot emphasize this enough, not my problem. why are trans people expected to answer for these people or justify ourselves in light of their existence? literally, what do they have to do with me?

aside from this, your average detransitioner (again, with this i refer not to people who simply choose to quit hormones and don't become raging transphobes about it, but Detransitioner as political identity) is essentially a person with no sense of personal responsibility who society chooses to coddle because they appear to confirm society's transphobia. it's pretty insidious tbh, society at-large's obsession with detransitioners, validating them and blaming trans people and the increase in our rights, specifically to bodily autonomy, truly reveals the part most people don't want to say out loud: that they believe this is the ideal. this is what a not insignificant number of people (even many who claim to accept trans people, frankly) believe to be the best option, if possible, for trans people. i've definitely encountered a number of people who are like, fine with trans people's existence, but want to believe very firmly that transition is a sort of unfortunate last resort that should be avoided at all costs if possible, and that reasons not to transition should be emphasized and sought at all cost.

viewing transition as unfortunate (rather than what it is: joyful) can be seen in the pearl clutching over trans children especially. what if they regret it! the hypothetical dysphoria a cis person would experience as a result of transition is more concerning than the dysphoria trans people already experience, because the feelings and experiences of cis people are always, always the priority, and trans people and their suffering an afterthought.

anyway, i got a little off-track from a point i wanted to make, which is that the majority of detransitioners have no one but themselves to blame. and yet this is never what they do. doctors are to blame, trans people are to blame, literally anyone but themselves. i don't think most people would fall for this narrative as easily if not for the fact that society hates trans people, so again, it's a narrative people like because it confirms what they want to believe, that transition is unfortunate. in the modern era, there are so many resources to understand what transition will do to a person's body that i find it difficult to sympathize with someone who acts as though it was some kind of big shock. of course, i understand that someone can do all the reading in the world, know what they are in for, decide to go through with it and still find, unexpectedly, that it isn't right for them. (this probably isn't as common as people want to believe though... i mean, detransition rates are low as is, and even the majority of detransitioners themselves will tell you they didn't do research, they didn't know hormones would do this or that. somehow, i am supposed to believe this is everyone's fault but their own.) that being said, it is very much possible to simply not become a raging transphobe in light of this! accepting personal responsibility instead of blaming others is probably the first step.

of course, trans acceptance is only beneficial for those who go on hormones then choose to quit anyway. dysphoria is easier to cope with in a world where people don't discriminate against gender nonconformity. if you believe in a worldview that ascribes disgust to bodies that are or have been on hrt, bodies that don't fit the cis binary mold, then... yeah, that will contribute to any misery that you might be experiencing. insisting that your body is "ruined" or "mutilated" isn't exactly going to help with your self-perception and overall mental health. acceptance of different bodies is one of the necessary steps to improving your own mindset (and improving your treatment of others, for that matter). going on hormones, or going off them, literally anything a person can do with their body, should be accepted as rather mundane all things considered. sure, it's a big decision, but at the end of the day it's ok to make a decision, to realize it wasn't the right one, and there is nothing wrong with anyone's bodies. you gotta move the fuck on with your life at some point.

of course, all this is supplement to pretty much the most basic and obvious point that anyone should agree with wrt hrt, which is that what other people do with their own bodies is none of your damn business and everyone should have the right to choose for themselves. the fact that some people might regret it is not an excuse to remove that as a basic right for everyone (nor is it an excuse to insist upon stricter gatekeeping, for that matter). furthermore, the simple fact that hormones are life-changing for many people is an indisputable fact. die mad about it, i guess

[collapsedsquid]

But what if the competitors don’t agree that they’re doomed? What if they, too, are willing to accept a lower profit rate in order to stay in business? Then the kind of buccaneering behavior that Shaikh presents as a time-honored recipe for competitive success would in fact be ruinously risky — and therefore something intelligent capitalists would try to avoid. This isn’t just a priori speculation. A book on pricing by “three preeminent McKinsey & Company experts” (The Price Advantage) advises managers that “price wars rarely have any real winners — and few healthy survivors.” For that reason, “the best-run companies go to almost any lengths to avoid price wars.” Most price wars that do happen break out by accident, as a result of misperception and miscalculation: “The price war that is initiated as a deliberate competitive tactic is somewhat rare — and rarer still is the one that achieves a positive outcome for either the industry at large or a specific supplier within the warring industry.” Almost identical advice is given in a management book (Confessions of the Pricing Man) by the German pricing consultant Hermann Simon, the founder of the global advisory firm Simon-Kucher. In his firm’s annual survey of managers, 82 percent of those respondents who reported that their company was currently involved in a price war believed it had been instigated by a competitor; only 12 percent said their company had started it as a deliberate tactic. “Unless you have an unbeatable cost advantage which prevents your competitors from responding in kind, it is almost impossible to establish a sustainable competitive advantage through lowering prices,” Kucher writes. The McKinsey experts echo that claim, but they also quantify it: “If you have ever imagined that reducing prices to gain share and increase profits might be a sound strategy for your business, think again. Unless you have a dominant cost advantage — by this we mean costs that are at least 30 percent below the competition — reducing prices all too often triggers a suicidal price war.” (Shaikh at one point characterizes the cost advantage of the innovating firm in one of his numerical examples as “robust, being on the order of 10%.”) Thus, for Shaikh’s theory of real competition to be valid, real-world technical innovation would have to be driven by a competitive strategy that — according to these experts — is rarely seen and almost never works.

Ahh you see capitalism isn't doomed to an eternally falling rate of profit because it's not actually competitive, sorry

[koskela-knights]

How I think AW2 characters would react to you coming out as transmasc

Alan Wake: He understands. He's been through it too. He'd probably be enthusiastic to share his experience with another transmasc person because, besides Barry and Alice who are supportive, he doesn't have someone else to talk about it. He probably has some old binders lying around which he'd offer you for free.

Saga Anderson: She'd be supportive from the get-go. She would probably do some research to understand you better, but would mainly ask how she can support you. She'd be quick with using a new name and/or pronouns.

Alex Casey: Supportive Uncle Casey comes out whether he wants to or not (He can be a softy even if he doesn't want most people to know). He will give you some life advice and might share his hair routine and hair product secrets with you. Besides that, he will be casual and formal about it and move on as usual.

Thomas Zane: He'd be compelled by you and might see some of his own gender fluidity reflected in you. If you'd feel uncomfortable or uncertain about your appearance he would definitely love to give you some fashion advice. He would probably do, regardless of your situation. He'd like to tell you about his late wife, Barbara who was also trans.

Rose Marigold: She'd try to be supportive but wouldn't know how to be discrete about it in public, which could lead to some awkward outing at the Diner. However, if anyone would try to start shit with you, she would immediately jump to your defense and scold the person in question. She has probably read some trans AU fanfics so she'd have some of the terminology down.

Anderson brothers: They would recall having met the 'rocking transsexual community' during their Ragnarok tour back in 1975. Tor would call you a 'hardcore guy'.

Koskela brothers: Ilmo would start using super masculine words to try to validate your identity, maybe would even start calling you 'sport' and 'champ' (words he normally doesn't use). He would make bad puns too (if you're an employee he'd point out every payment as a trans-action or some shit) Jaakko would be supportive in a more quiet way. He'd perhaps start wearing an allyship flag pin on his jacket and have a small trans flag plotted somewhere in the workshop.

Valhalla Nursing Home residents: Some might not really know much about trans identity, but they'd try to at least gender you correctly. Some residents might tell tales about a nephew or an aunt 'back in the day' who had changed their sex and since then lived as the other gender and everyone was chill with it.

Tim Breaker: He would definitely try to help change your legal papers if you were to live in Bright Falls or Watery and you hand't had the chance to change those things. In the same conversation, he will invite you for a D&D session and treat you like a friend. No big deal.

Kiran Estevez: She'd be serious about it and formal. Quickly changing name and/or pronouns if applicable before your coming out. Trying to relate or show understanding, she might talk about statistics regarding medical transition and the increased happiness rate that often comes with it.

Warlin Door: His stage persona would be enthusiastic, willing to bring you onto the show to tell him and the audience all about your life story and whatnot. Off-stage, he would act formal and neutral about it. As long as you're not in the way of his plans, he doesn't care what your gender identity is or was.

[areebianights]

Wisdom.

When I was a young child with a pebble on her shoulders,

I spoke of it, and the voice got lost in the void of dismissal.

My pain was so small to your grown up hearts,

But my heart was so little that it brimmed with the pain.

I grew up to become an adult with a mountain on each shoulder,

Who read a hundred books,

And still never found the language in which I would be heard,

Inorder to be able to convey you the gravity in my words,

the sincerity in my eyes, the genuineness in my cries, the validity in my feelings.

I was always told that I was too young to understand things,

so I read a hundred books that made me age a hundred years.

Now I feel too old for my own body,

and still too small to be significant to you.

Whatever I say, I am still that 8-year-old girl

with a pebble on her shoulders.

No matter how much I understand, how much I try to live up to your standard of a "mature" person,

I'll never be wise enough to understand my own life,

The life that you call so little.

And so I wonder, do I need to be "big" to understand a life as little as mine?

Or is it even important to understand?

Can't my little heart be the guide to my "little" life?

Can't my "foolish" mind be enough for a life that you don't even find that serious?

A life that you think is unworthy of being called difficult?

I wonder why you gave me a name that means "wise"

When I'd never be that in your eyes.

I hope you never have to feel the pain of not being able to live up to your own name.

I wish my name meant something like happy, smile, beautiful, or lovely,

Then I'd not have spent my entire life in pursuit of infinite wisdom.

I wish I didn't have to prove myself to be deserving of my own identity,

I wish I'd just have to live, own and embody it.

I'd never become the person worthy enough to be called wise.

Wisdom is the only thing I have ever chased,

and it's something that I never achieved on time.

Wisdom, whenever it came to me, always came late.

It's the thing that I'd thought would gain me your approval,

but in the end it made me lose everything,

including the hope of being understood,

the hope of being enough,

the hope of being loved.

Wisdom, I realised, was infinite,

And so it only made me feel even more trivial.

It didn't increase the magnitude of the life I've lived,

But only the magnitude of introspection,

And in the end, my own life began seeming so insignificant to me,

I have reflected on my life thrice as much as I have lived it,

And though I am a bit wiser, but turns out,

You need to be old, not wise

Inorder to be taken seriously.

-Areeba

[defilerwyrm]

I feel so stupid to say this but I'm a trans man, but I have a lot of learning disabilities so I'm trying to understand things better. I was born AFAB but I'm trying to understand how "bio sex" works and if it is even real. I've heard a lot of people say it isn't but that makes me feel sorta as if my transness isn't valid then. I do not agree w trans meds at all, they're terf lites and their "male/female brain" stuff is so wrong. But I'm curious since the brain isn't gendered, what makes us the bio sex we are? I get gender is different and it is WHO we are and how we think and present etc but can you explain bio sex please? :) I also really want phallo and top surgery and it makes me curious how gender which is a social construct has an urge to match up with biology somehow? Like how come my dysphoria feels so bad that I lack a dick..how does my gender want that?

Hoo boy. Biological sex is actually really complex. It’s made up of your sex chromosomes, sex hormones, primary sex characteristics developed as a fetus, secondary sex characteristics developed in puberty, and I think a few other factors I’m forgetting. All of these elements are not binary (meaning there are only two options), but instead bimodal (meaning there are two options that are the most common, but there are others).

So using myself as an example, my chromosomes are unknown because I’ve never been karyotyped (tested for sex chromosomes); my endocrine system is almost completely testosterone-based; I have zero “female” reproductive organs and most of the “male” ones (minus testes); and I have a few “female” sex characteristics (undeveloped hyoid (Adam’s apple), wide hips, narrow shoulders, smallish hands & feet) and many “male” ones (deep voice, broad jaw, flat chest, vascular hands, body hair, facial hair, male pattern alopecia, male fat distribution, lower body temperature, high sex drive). So without knowing what my chromosomes are, by all accounts I’m male.

The whole male brain/female brain thing has been pretty well debunked. There are only subtle differences between the brains of cis men and cis women at the population level, and those physical differences that do exist are most likely caused by differences in socialization for certain skillsets. In other words, if you teach boys and girls that they’re supposed to be good at different things as they’re growing up, their brains will develop to be better at those things that they practice from an early age—be that fine motor skills, or telling colors apart, or interpreting other people’s tone and moods, or being empathetic, etc. Obviously there are disabilities that can stand in the way or complicate matters, but there’s something called the Pygmalion effect where if you consistently tell a child that they’re good at a certain thing, they will BECOME good at it—and if you consistently tell a child they’re bad at a thing, they will do poorly at it.

Something I find really interesting, talking about the link between biological sex and gender identity, is the prevalence of PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) in trans men. The rates shown by studies varies a lot, but taking average rates, about 5% (1 in 20) AFAB people have PCOS, but about 60% (3 in 5) trans men have it. PCOS is an endocrine condition (and, arguably, an intersex condition) that has a slew of effects, and one of those is relatively high levels of androgens like testosterone. The REALLY interesting part is that PCOS medications that decrease testosterone and increase estrogen result in MORE gender dysphoria for trans men and LESS in cis women! I remember before I even figure out I’m trans, my mom told me I needed to get on metformin to decrease testosterone and boost estrogen, and the very thought of it made me nauseous and angry!

A possible interpretation of that is that there is an intrinsic link between our gender identity and our physical sex that opposes our primary sex characteristics. In other words, we’re MEANT to be men and our bodies know it.

(Now, things like this on the trans woman side, I will admit I don’t know offhand; you’d have to ask a trans woman who follows medical science. I would point you to my sister because she fits the bill, but we have an unspoken agreement to keep our online lives separate for privacy. That is to say, I don’t remember her blog name lmao sorry sis)

But yeah. The thing about top and bottom dysphoria is that it isn’t like social dysphoria where it depends on how you’re seen by others. It’s an internal knowledge—a gnosis, if you will—that something is WRONG regardless of what others think, say, or do. Speaking for myself again, sure you can be a man without a dick, fine, whatever, but I, personally, was supposed to have one. It wasn’t the social construction of what masculinity is supposed to entail that made me hate my tits and cooch, it was the fact that they felt horrible and wrong and I knew I was meant to have a flat chest, dick, and balls instead. And that feeling of wrongness started at a very young age, if I’m honest; I just didn’t have the vocabulary and knowledge to identify it until my mid-20s.

How does this relate to my PCOS? We don’t actually know. But don’t you think it’s interesting that the signs that I was trans were there long before my first puberty awakened the PCOS in the first place?

Gender roles are a fluid social construct. What’s considered masculine and feminine change with culture and time. But gender identity is, as far as medical science can figure, hardwired in the brain. For most people, by happy coincidence of sex and gender being bimodal, their physical sex (as complex as it is!) and gender identity more or less align, and they never really have to think about it. For others, there is a natural misalignment between the two—and it can take quite some time to figure it all out, because our cultures try very to force a bimodal spectrum into a binary box.

I think I’ve rambled enough, hey? Let’s see if my dogshit wifi will let me post this without losing everything.