#your identity and to increase validity

[imbecominggayer]

Writing Advice: How To Trauma

In seeing the recent explosion of my "How To Write Trauma With Humanity" post, I have decided to jump back into this topic!

This cute post will be covering how to write complicated individuals with Trauma. From the good, the bad, and especially the ugly since people tend to assume that victimhood is inherently seperated from assholehood

A) Being A Person And Afraid

In my experience, the majority of people with trauma have simultaneously existing fears and desires that often contradict, complicate, or outright hurt themselves.

I call them "fear combinations"

It's these fear combinations that cause people with trauma to often act in ways that seem confusing to outsiders.

For example, the person that's always on the hunt for a relationship but whenever an opportunity for romance strikes, they create relationship havok so the relationship can end

Or a person tries to always sincerely bring attention to themselves but whenver the attention is on them, they just shrug it off as not being worthy of it

This behavior seems kinda weird until you stop to take a closer look at their psyche.

Example 1 is based off of my character, Monday Vũ who has a tendency of jumping into relationships with a sincere desire to find romance until the honeymoon period ends as Monday realizes that if the relationship continues they might have to settle down, forgo their entire identity, and all of their freedom. Then they sabotage the relationship under the guise that it's a selfless endeavour.

Example 2 is based off my character, Niko Preyr who uses grand public gestures and his friendships to prop himself up as a person to be known but if you ever spoke to him then you would quickly see one of the most insecure yet attention-hungry individuals you have ever seen.

"Fear Combinations" are an excellent device in making your characters complex. In my opinion, the trauma-writing scene is just a little bit too neat in it's displays of trauma. It's too logical. It doesn't feel real to my personal experiences.

"he has trust issues because of trauma" What if he also had issues with being clingy to people he sees as trust-worthy?

What if your characters weren't so easy to understand? But I hear you wondering.

How? How do these people manifest such confusing behavior? Why should I add this into my characters?

I'll tell you

B) Instinct Vs Terror, Fighting Against Yourself

In my opinion, "fear combinations" are either caused by the distortion of a human fear or the event in which an intrinsic desire is contrasted against a "survival method".

Humans are born with certain "intrinsic" fears and desires. Humans are born with a desire for belonging, a desire for vulnerability, a desire for self-fulfillment, a desire for independence, a desire for security in themselves.

And with desire comes the fear of "missing out". The fear that you want something that everyone wants but for some reason you won't be able to get it. The fear that you'll loose it. And the fear that your desire might put you into danger. What if you get rejected? What if you never find that group? What if you never find freedom?

In not-traumatized individuals, while it may take some introspection, people can and often do reconcile their fears and desires in a movie-montage when they're children with the help of a strong support system.

In traumtized individuals, what tends to happen is that either the fear of lose and the fear of gain tend to be increased to unpredencented levels

Either that, or a lack of a strong support system doesn't allow the child to safely confront their fears in order to get what they want.

This causes "fear combination"

Niko Preyr has the natural desire to be validated as "good", as "special", as "worthy". A desire we are all born with. However, his upbringing convinced him that he is underserving of what we all need. This causes Niko Preyr to use attention as validation. However whenever he receives this attention, his gifted fear that he is undeserving causes him to reject the attention. But he continues searching for attention to serve that need for validation. A hellish cycle.

Monday Vũ has two understandable fears that we all have. The fear of losing two necessary things: indepedence and security. Monday fears being abandoned, fears being engulfed into relationships. While children and adults can often reconcile those fears in their childhood through a strong support system, Monday never had that. Instead she had her father who emotionally left her and her mother who literally left her. Monday only had herself to rely on, at least thats how she felt. And now, as an adult, Monday wants to fulfill that desire we all have. To be loved. To be connected. But she's afraid. Afraid of being blindsided. Afraid of not having the last laugh. Afraid of being apart of something.

What if that loner wolf found someone who they think is perfect. Someone worthy of their trust. Do you really think that all those years of yearning for love, for connection, are just going to be smothered when they have the perfect person to unleash their childish, half-developed, horrifying emotions onto?

But what next? After we have our character's contradictory fears and desires, after we have the justification for why they feel like this, what's next?

It's this:

C) Self-Destructive Habits: Why We Understand And Can't Change

Let me tell you, unless in very specific conditions such as certain personality disorders and so on, people tend to understand that their behavior is foolish, illogical, and hurting other people.

Monday knows that betraying other people, hurting their trust and faith in their relationships, and entering relationships when she understands her history is bad. It makes her a bad person.

Niko knows that their habits are actively hurting their chances at finding worth.

That "Lone Wolf" understands, deep down, that no single person can handle the high expectations and emotions.

They know it because they can see it. Many times. Monday can see that characters in movies who have their relationship history tend to be casted as the antagonist. Niko can hear the gossip. That "Lone Wolf" can see the way that their loved ones cracked under the pressure and guilt.

So why do they do it? It feeds into their idea of the world. It feeds into what they want to be perceived as. It feeds into their stagnancy.

If Monday can ignore how they hurt others, then they can live under the Martyr label for the rest of their life without having to come to term with the fact that this isn't selflessness, it's called being pathetic.

If Niko can ignore how deep that hurt goes, then they never have to actually make the effort to change. To take that potential and make themselves into something. To be responsible.

If "Lone Wolf" can ignore how nobody can meet their expectations without crumbling down, then they use everyone's failure to feed into their cynical, self-hating notion of how nobody's trustworthy. How they don't have the responsibility of being considerate.

[crtter]

Hey everyone, given the recent news and all, I imagine some people might be considering leaving the country if the hostility aimed towards and the loss of rights of women and the LGBT+ community keeps on increasing during this second Trump presidency. Immigration is an extremely bureaucratic process in most countries, though, so if I could suggest a potential alternative, easier way out of the US if it ever comes to a point where such a thing would be needed, Brazil, my home country, is particularly friendly and considered a “model country” when it comes to our laws regarding requests of asylum. For example, people who apply for a refugee status in Brazil:

��• Have a very good chance of being granted it. Just last year, over 77 000 people were granted asylum in Brazil [1]

 • Are almost never under the risk of being deported, even if they came to Brazil under unregulated means and/or under fake documents [2]

 • Have the benefit of a very straightforward, 100% free of charge process to apply for asylum that doesn’t require a lawyer and can be done almost fully online through filling a form on a website, with the exception of getting a physical copy of your application process at the nearest federal police station [3] and

 • While getting an official refugee status can take a long time (sometimes up to two years in certain cases), just by being officially registered as being in the process of obtaining said status, asylum-seekers have the right to obtain “temporary” valid Brazilian IDs, a legal work permit and also are granted rights identical to those of Brazilian citizens, such as the right to free education, free healthcare, and social assistance. Apart from having to renew those documents once a year, these privileges are never revoked [4]

Most importantly though, the Brazilian Refugee law of 1997 defines a person eligible to obtain refugee status as being, between other criteria, someone who

“has well-founded fears of persecution for reasons of race, religion, nationality, social group or political opinions, finds themselves outside their country of nationality and is unable or unwilling to seek the protection of that country” [5] which includes members of the LGBT+ community, as it’s explicitly stated in the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees website that

“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people may be eligible for refugee status [in Brazil] on the grounds of persecution due to membership in a particular social group. UNHCR recommends that people who are subject to harm, inhuman treatment or serious discrimination because of their sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression or intersex status and whose governments are unable or unwilling to protect them should be granted refugee status.” [6]

To sum it up… if things escalate to the point where you feel like you’d be safer leaving the US than staying in it, Brazil is one country that would welcome you practically immediately. Tumblr tends to bury posts with links so I’ll add sources on a reblog, along with more information.

[harmonysanreads]

Idk if you saw but Phainon apparently has a hobby in appraising antiques. Just imagine if for his partner he fondly refers to them as his greatest or most priceless treasure. Though on the other hand, it certainly gives "dragon coveting its hoard" kinda vibes. Possibly romantic depending on who you ask, but it speaks volumes of how much he cherishes them.

Yup I've seen his shenanigans regarding this and I must thank you because, I feel like this is a great opportunity to discuss how possessive Phainon can be.

The idea seems contradictory to what Aglaea and Tribbie have told us about him — he's selfless, willingly takes on more burden than he should and pushes himself constantly to meet that image of a ‘perfect vessel’ in order to protect Amphoreus. The term possessiveness should be absolutely unthinkable to be put in the same sentence as his name. Such a noble hero couldn't possibly be... selfish, right?

Phainon himself battles with these doubts, well, it would be more precise to say that he's the one who thinks about it the most out of anyone living in Amphoreus.

The first time he notices the evidences of that particular behavior, it has to be pointed out by someone ; you, one of his comrades or just a random person. Phainon relies on external validation to a degree, his sense of self can be altered through a strong enough comment on his personality.

The process of it developing isn't different from how it would be for anyone ; an attachment to you is secured, outside influences threaten it, he realizes a need to be in your presence more, becomes annoyed when your attention is stolen until it reaches to a point where he's actively trying to maintain it on himself alone. But the thing is, he's so swept up in all the emotions of being in love that he doesn't stop to process them all for quite some time. That's why an external call out is required.

Perhaps it would've been best if no one pointed it out to begin with, because now he's simmering in guilt and shame in his head. The Chrysos Heir is notably rigid for some time, mulling over his every action and word until he's caught in analysis paralysis. Because even if he'd like to convince himself that he's nonchalant, he cares about how you perceive him, a lot.

At the same time as this inner turmoil almost frying him, there is no notable change in his paranoia — if anything, it gets worse. The more he tries to test distance and respect for your personal time and space, the more his anxiety worsens, suddenly devoid of a medium to soothe it with. Two greeting texts increases to ten, phone calls are no longer enough, he needs to see that you're okay and safe.

At one point, a sinister thought somehow plants itself in his mind. He's lost so much ; his home, his family, his friends, his peace and his identity. But he continues sacrificing more, he continues giving up things for the sake of others, for a future marked by uncertainty. Now that there is someone who makes him happy, who he finds solace in, who he genuinely loves... he's demanded again to ‘tone it down’ when all he wants is to spend time with them? Is that not unfair to him?

And well, he brushes it off quickly — not that it completely goes away. These ideas only really torment him when he's not with you, which is another reason why separation will have a physical effect on him if it is extended to a point. Which direction all these inner conflicts and overthinking will take him towards, depends on him alone.

As for the ‘evidences’ mentioned previously, they're so him that it's honestly difficult to tell whether he's being driven by something less than innocent. He usually tends to whine and sulk to prolong your presence, gives you the doe eyes and kicked puppy look. There is also the matter with texts and calls as mentioned previously. He responds to your texts very quickly and tries to keep conversations going for as long as possible, low-key spirals if you're taking too long to respond and insists on hearing your voice, unless you tell him strongly that you aren't comfortable with it.

Is not afraid of showing physical affection in public, likes holding hands and/or linking arms with you at all times. Uses his height to his advantage as well, as in, serving as your personal shield — whether you want it or not. He doesn't really lash out at people, unless of course, they were rude to you. Given his naturally amicable personality, most people don't try to do something outrageous in front of him either. His jealousy is kind of obvious as well and since he tends to use the ‘kicked puppy method’ frequently, it can be difficult to take it seriously, to be honest. Make sure to not let your guard down though.

As for the matter of him calling you his treasure, I personally like to think that he sees his darling as above him, above everyone actually. Treasure implies towards something that was acquired and typically has a material value. Phainon is out there thanking fate and every holy being everyday for blessing him with someone like you, he struggles to even answer the question of ‘what he likes most about you’ (it's everything). He might say it out of affection in the spur of a moment once, but in his heart, your worth exceeds the notion of treasures.

[theambitiouswoman]

I have been celibate for 3+ years & I wanted to share how this has helped shaped who I am.

Disclaimer: This is not me telling you what to do with your life and your bodies. It comes with zero judgement. I am of the belief that there is a season for everything, and we evolve into many different people in our life. I would be remiss if I didn't say that I definitely think it's a good idea to practice it. I do believe that psychologically, spiritually & emotionally having casual sex has a lot of negative implications for both men and women. However your beliefs around intimacy are purely up to you. Sex isn't bad, that's not what I am saying, but when you are having sex with someone you are absorbing their energy, and the energy of their past lovers too, so having sex with the wrong person can really ruin you.

Honestly the idea of anyone touching me if they do not meet my needs emotionally, mentally, physically etc absolutely disgusts me. I have never been of the type of let anyone "have me" but even more so now. Remember that when you start treating yourself differently, your perspectives and the things you are attracted to also start to change.

Maybe some girls don't understand this so I am going to say it. You do not have to sleep with a man for him to like you, love you, treat you well, or buy you things. If you haven't experienced this, you may not agree. But this is my reality and the reality of so many others, so yes it is actually totally possible.

I will say that the first year can be difficult but after that it gets much easier cause your mindset changes. I recommend taking that first year to really dive in and analyze your relationships, work on your wounds etc. Feeling lonely is something I see come up a lot, and while human beings are not designed to be alone, you should not feel lonely and that is probably a good starting point to work on with yourself if that is the case.

Anyway, these are some of the changes I have experienced:

1. Greater mental clarity and can focus more on personal goals, career & self development.

2. Reduced emotional turbulence. Creating better emotional balance and inner peace.

3. Realizing self love and self worth come from you, rather than seeking external validation. It reduces stress, increases self awareness & provides identity outside of others.

4. Higher standards, better boundaries. Intimacy is a choice, not a necessity. Being unable to control your lust is a weakness. Understand that falling in love purely through sex is lust, wounds and attachment / abandonment issues, need for validation, insecurity etc.

5. Insane increase to intuition.

6. Gives you control over your body and life. It allows you to be more selective about who you let into their personal space.

7. Increased creativity & passion to channel into art, projects, or other personal endeavors.

8. For those recovering from past trauma or heartbreak, celibacy can be a time for healing and self reflection. It offers the space to process emotions, heal old wounds and rediscover yourself.

9. No energetic enmeshments with toxic souls, which btw you are absorbing all of it. Grosses me out any time I think about it.

10. Even prettier than before (but i'm sure not entertaining toxic men and drama contributes to that as well)

11. People are even more drawn to be because of my strong sexual energy & pure aura.

[befemininenow]

Everything. Easier said than done.

That's the reality a lot of trans people face when coming out. Sure, you may get a lot of praise from friends, colleagues, and strangers for coming out as trans and that's very valid. But what about close family members, friends, or family? While you can easily dump transphobic people out of your life like taking out the trash on garbage day, it's a different story when that transphobe happens to be a parent or a spouse. And that sucks more than somebody in a GH (IYKYK).

I wrote that previous sentence because it's easy to see why I see so much NSFW shit in here. A lot of us are either still deep in the closet or have not been fully out to close ones because even though it's been easier to come out and transition, there's also been an unfortunate increase in homophobia and transphobia these past few years. Sometimes, we can't even be out in the comfort in our own home. As a result, the only time we can express that feminine side of ours without facing negativity is through the internet. These safe spots is where we can express our fantasies and desires to the point where they can be explicit. While a lot of these themes resonate with a lot of us, it also leaves us in a vulnerable state.

Recently, there has been drama on the MTF subreddit regarding sissy content, something that has always been banned in there as far as I know. The problem is, the moderator that enforced the sissy ban has also been connected with 4tran, a site that only validates trans girls who meet questionable criteria, such as transitioning at a younger age under hormones, consider themselves straight, and a bunch of other nonsense. To them, even admitting to being into feminization caption content to cope with their identity prior to coming out "invalidates" their identity because of the NSFW content that is so common in this scene. After being around in these scene for years now, I think I can say that we should be free to explore our kinks without feeling invalid of our identity.

Look, there will always be people who equate trans women with sissies, the latter being associated with a crossdressing male. That is the point I'm trying to make with this caption. No matter how much you do to become a bombshell babe like the woman in the pic, they will always categorize you as a "man". Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to persuade those a-holes, even if you look like her. Let them live in their world of hate. But while you do see some trans women promoting their content on femboy and sissy spaces, there's a very high chance they're doing this to fund for their transition and/or basic cost of living. Often times, it's for a need of validation of being seen as a girl due to a hostile environment that misgenders them. That doesn't make them any less of a woman, cis or trans. Remember, trans women are not sissies!

While a lot of us do like to make captions expressing our need to take hormones, doll ourselves up, have sex with men (or women), or get SRS, it's also important we educate ourselves with the pros and cons of each act before we actually act upon them. Seriously, take these captions with a grain of salt. Not every caption will speak for you and me. You don't have to fulfill an explicit act if you're not attracted to men. Fulfill what your heart and mind truly desire, as long as you play it right.

If you made it this far into my rant, I'm very happy you took the time to read it. If not, that's okay. As long as the caption caught your attention, that's all it matters to me. Even if you're not fully out, at least this small free time of entertainment can help persuade you to make big choices in the future. After all, Flashback Friday isn't always going to be nostalgic, but it also helps us make a better future for ourselves.

[heartless-curr]

(note: this is a copy and pasted rant from discord sent to someone not super caught up with pjsk, so a lot of this is summarizing events. if smth here is slightly misremembered or smth shhh dw abt it).

the shinonomes' plotlines are so heavily intertwined.

akito and ena both have the core theme of being people who aren't naturally talented at what they choose to do — rather than raw talent, they need to put in the effort and dedication to actually learn how to increase their skills. it's a commentary on how a lack of natural talent doesn't mean that you are incapable of success, but that you need to grit your teeth and work much harder than those with natural talent.

there are a few key differences between the two of them despite the core similarities — namely:

- ena starts off as a kid who wants validation, and who admires her father. shinei shinonome is a talented and well known artist, and she aspires to be like him, however, outside of being the daughter of shinei, she doesn't have an actual personal reason for wanting to pursue art — not until niigo comes along.

- akito, by contrast, is a kid who is looking for a reason to live — something to dedicate his life to. he settles on the goal of surpassing rad weekend, and it's the fuel that motivates him to keep on going no matter what.

ena has no personal drive, and it ends up causing her to be fueled solely by the praise she recieves from others. akito has a personal drive, and it causes him to be fueled by the desire to reach that goal, and the determination to dedicate his life to it.

both of them recieve severe amounts of backlash in regards to the skills they're trying to hone — ena has her father, and her art teacher (who harshly criticizes everyone), and akito has. uh. vivid street. who is very hostile to this outsider child who lacks talent.

ena doesn't have a proper support to fall back on, so after a harsh scolding where her teacher looks at her work, says that he has nothing to say to her, and walks away, she quits her art class. she quits art altogether until meeting mizuki — someone who liked her art enough to make a music video to kanade's and mafuyu's song with it. it's via joining niigo that she starts to take up art again — but it still takes her years (iirc 2????) to work up the courage to even approach that same art class again.

in contrast, akito nearly quits music on account of the severity of the backlash he's been recieving from vivid street. he ends up completely messing up and performing poorly in a very prestigious venue. it's through ken shiraishi — his idol and an's father — telling him that he has promise and to continue that he powers on. ken says that he personally would be saddened to see akito quit, and so akito gets up and tries again.

ena relied on external support because of her lack of actual identity and personal goals — failing to get that support was what drove her away. by contrast, akito relied on his own internal drive — so being faced with such a massive failure would have driven him away on account of a lack of confidence in his own ability to improve.

if akito hadn't had ken — someone who was exacty like him as a child, and lived through what's he's experiencing now, he would have ended up in ena's shoes.

if ena actually had the support of shinei — someone who was exactly like her as a child, and lived through what she's experiencing now, she would have ended up in akito's shoes.

[myun-saidthoughts]

Astrology Observations

💫3rd house synastry increases ease with communication, especially when the Moon or Venus are involved, comfortability with sharing your feelings or thoughts/emotions will come natural.

💫For a woman, if she has an Aquarius Mars she will appreciate her partner to be visually or intellectually different.

Appearance Wise: someone who stands out in some way, someone who is comfortable in their feminine and masculine energy, someone who doesn't need outside validation from others, someone who is confident without being overly aggressive or forthcoming. Another note is someone who has an unique or artistic style, someone who puts effort in their wardrobe, (rings, necklaces, painted nails, accessories) Open-mindedness is very very ideal, and if they have more of a theoretical mindset with how they view the world brings in more attraction for the native.

💫4th house synastry (especially with conjunctions to your IC) will create an energy that brings you a sense of comfort you never knew was possible.

💫8th house friendships can also take on more of an intense dynamic, expectations still arise, especially for the person with more Scorpio/8H influence.

💫If you struggle with accepting intimacy, love, or romance but deal with South Node + water house synastry (along with other indicators of attraction such as aspects/house overlays/more past life synastry aspects) letting them go will feel impossible, especially if they bring you this type of curiosity you hardly feel from anyone else.

💫Neptune-Moon synastry doesn't get talked about enough. If attraction and desire are factors within relationships with harsh Neptune to Moon influence, the dynamic can feel fated. At one end of the spectrum the Neptune person can confuse the Moon person, the Neptune person can showcase as someone the Moon person can't really understand and yet there could be a desire to save or idealize them. Similar to Pluto influence the spectrum of the intensity depends on each souls but someone with a lot of Neptune/12th house placements in their natal chart will feel very drawn to this connection.

💫Vertex synastry comes at you unexpectedly. You could know someone for quite some time with no initial curiosity to know them better, but once they enter your atmosphere in some deep manner, you will feel very very close and comfortable with this person.

💫4th house synastry can elicit intense feelings especially if there are mutual IC conjunctions (bonus if each others Vesta asteroid conjuncts each others IC) as well as have Moon conjunct Pluto in the composite chart. These added factors will add more intense dependent need for this person.

💫Jupiter synastry is so cute. You will feel so optimistic when you're around this person. You can't help but feel like you can handle anything that comes your way, you're excited, content, and trusting of the individual looking at you (especially if you guys share more 4th house synastry).

💫Each water moon can struggle with extremes, in some shape or form.

💫 Individuals with natal 12th house placements (especially Venus) may often turn to music as a means of escaping reality.

💫Capricorn moon individuals struggle with accepting the fact that they have emotion. Often times their mother was absent or emotionally un-nurturing, leaving them to feel uncomfortable with sharing their emotions, they struggle with feeling safe, they may not have a direct resentment link towards their mother, but in some aspects her coldness leads them towards the same void of avoiding emotions they wish to escape from.

💫Libra stelliums are likely to find a partner, and with that partner they may lose their identity or self within them. They feel complete when another is "their person" but with it may also lead to codependency.

💫Libra karma can deal with issues of stating their opinions, thoughts, and desires. They may think it's easier to avoid conflict or disarray but all that does is create a deeper hole of forgetting who they truly are.

💫People with 8TH house natal placements (especially stelliums) are more likely to experience extremes in their life, whether it be with finances, partners, or emotion. It is likely that they can end up being dependent on another for resources/money etc.

💫Gemini placements (maybe even air placements in Gemini degrees) are more likely to be on the spectrum with their sexuality, it's more likely that they would be attracted to anyone they just find attractive. Although sexual attraction and romantic/emotional attraction are very different categories. You can be sexually attracted to someone but have no emotional or romantic desire for that individual, sexuality is a very complexed spectrum.

💫Sagittarius suns with Taurus risings handle pain with grace. More than likely if someone has these two placements with a poor placement Moon or harsh aspects towards the Moon/Sun/IC etc they are likely not to fixate or struggle with the emotional turmoil (compared to others).

💫Water moons typically have blurred boundaries with their mother. These placements manifest differently but boundaries when it comes to their mother or the love within their dynamic is often times more complicated.

💫Fire dominate/Venus individuals are more likely to have physical touch be their love language.

💫Gemini venus's get bored very easily, constant stimulation or some excitement in the dynamic is needed. (But 5H/7H/Cancer/Leo/Libra placements with a Gemini venus are less likely to become bored)

💫Moon-Mars & Venus-Asc synastry will create intense attraction almost instantly.

💫8th house stelliums are likely to deal with large sums of money at one point in their life, or they will owe others money, they will be given money, or other people's money becomes a major factor in their life; someway or somehow

💫9th house placements appreciate other people's culture, beliefs, thoughts, and ways of life that differ from their own.

💫Virgo's placements with prominent 10th house or Capricorn placements can create an individual to be very hard on themselves, the goals they place on themselves oftentimes exceed others, prompting them to feel less than if left unaccomplished or unproductive.

[astrolovecosmos]

The North Node & The Choices You Make

The North Node paints a picture of our choices in life, especially when connecting these choices to one's destiny, your path in life. All choices have a cause and effect, but the North Node focuses on major decisions that pertain to your growth or your "soul's growth". I think you could somewhat compare it to something like a "canon" event or decisions.

Aries North Node may present challenges and choices revolving around identity and independence. The uncomfortable, risky, or scary decisions one may have to make tend to revolve around self-expression, bravery, and standing on one's own.

Taurus North Node involves making choices around and facing down paths of fear, jealousy, and possessiveness. Security is the key word for this placement. Temptation towards safety vs. their natural determination will be a common struggle.

Gemini North Node is going to face many questions and challenges revolving around truth and lies. Facing the truth about themselves may be the biggest challenge for this node. Their life-changing or "canon moment" choices tend to revolve around self-expression, opinions, and the information/knowledge they consume.

Cancer North Node may be confronted with large choices revolving around taking care of their needs vs. someone else's. They may also get stuck at crossroads involving suppressing their needs or emotions vs. tending to and expressing them.

Leo North Node may find they run into challenges or choices that either empower or disempower them. Their passion and integrity may be tested often. Following their heart doesn't always come easily, but it is a temptation, a call for them, maybe destiny.

Virgo North Node tends to run into the question of to help or intervene or to not? Humility vs. pride, following vs. leading, tolerance vs judgment, and even support vs. sabotage are themes that can exist for a NN in Virgo. They are after fulfillment, reward, validation, recognition, appreciation, but most of all a real cause to serve and be apart of.

Libra North Node cannot underestimate their choices in terms of relationships and the people they surround themselves with. Balance, equality, giving and receiving are major themes here. Their hardest choices may revolve around being part of a partnership or not.

Scorpio North Node tends to be pushed towards self-mastery in many ways. Some of their hardest choices in life are highly introspective such as setting boundaries and rules for the self, diving into secrets and the subconscious, as well as testing and breaking their own limitations.

Sagittarius North Node may have to make difficult choices about their beliefs. Choices, consequences, and different paths they may go on are highly dependent on the knowledge they seek or ignore. Their curiosity and thirst for more may present more questions than answers throughout their life.

Capricorn North Node will face tough decisions and choices based around authority - especially their own authority. Rebellion, self-reliance, mentoring or finding a mentor, and taking accountability may be highly uncomfortable or scary for them, but result in some of their biggest changes.

Aquarius North Node may be asked to make choices that increase their adaptability. They might be forced often to make quick decisions due to the unpredictability of life. Evolving their identity and/or ideals can be highly uncomfortable or strange to them, but they may be dealt cards that ask them of this over and over.

Pisces North Node may have to deal with some of the more abstract or vague choices out of all the nodes. Asked to make choices revolving around their spirituality and/or their connection to nature or other people. As they grow and go through life choosing to practice empathy, introspection, or sensitivity are brought up often.

[devout-khajiit]

Baneful Usages for Pokemon Spirits

This post isn't written from experience, but rather mostly theory, so it might not actually work in practice. This also isn't exhaustive, just me thinking of possible usages.

I wrote this from my own POV on baneful magic, hence all the "enemy" talk. That's what I use baneful magic for. It's not the only valid form, though.

Feel free to reblog and add your own additions! Take your favorite Pokemon and find a way to make them baneful.

Alakazam can make your enemy feel like a fool.

Annihilape can be used to strike down your foes and keep them down.

Arbok can make your enemy ill with their venom.

Basculegion can be used as a vessel for angry spirits to strike down those corrupt in power or public enemies.

Cramorant can be called upon to make your enemy choke on their own words and actions.

Cubone can increase grief and grieving for lost loved ones.

Deino can lead your enemy to feel blinded and lost.

Dhelmise can lead your enemy to feel like they're drowning in their own negativity.

Eevee can lead your enemy to be confused about themself and their identity.

Froslass can lead for them to get "stuck" as who they are, preventing self-growth and growth in skills.

Hypno can haunt your enemy's dreams and inflict nightmares. Hypno can also cause them to behave in ways they wouldn't normally.

Joltik can haunt people who are terrified of spiders.

Kommo-o can make sure your enemy never has a moment of auditory peace.

Litwick can lead your enemies astray while draining them in the process. Might be good to keep on someone who likes using baneful magic on you drained magically so they can't perform more spells on you.

Mawile can sabotage your enemy's life from behind them.

Murkrow can bring great misfortune upon your enemy. Conversely, Honchkrow can be used to make sure your enemy's crimes and sins are never forgotten.

Ninetails can help you control your enemies to keep them from harming you further.

Noctowl can keep your enemies up at night, causing insomnia.

Pikachu can overload their electronic devices, causing them to break.

Polteageist can lead your enemy to get food poisoning.

Slowpoke can make your enemy exhausted.

Sudowoodo can make your enemy feel unseen as their true self.

Tinkaton can generally ruin your enemy's life.

Tsareena can just kick the shit out of your enemy and lead them to become physically injured.

Zoroark can serve as a trickster spirit to mess with your enemy.

Zubat can serve as general annoyance.

[dept-of-monster-affairs]

Hello Neighbor

Note: previously posted under nicsnort but Tumblr decided to shadowban then terminate the account without warning. (this will be my monster blog from now on, even if the other is reinstated)

m!werewolf (Darrick) x f!reader

Word count: 3806

Contains: heat sex, knotting, werewolf sex, talk of breeding

You're part of a study using an experimental skin cream. The effects have been interesting but suddenly take a turn for the horny. Luckily, your werewolf neighbor is willing to help you out.

If you want to ignore my self-indulgent worldbuilding lore skip the indented text

Department of Monster Affairs

MEMO: Internal use only TO: For dispersal among all staff FROM: Division of Monster Research TOPIC: Werewolf bites and bodily fluids  Cultural stories have long passed down the idea that a human bitten by a werewolf in their wolf or hybrid form during the full moon will transform said human into a werewolf the full moon after. This division has long since determined that information to be mostly false, as the bite must occur during a special ritual for the transformation to take place. However, we now confirm that minor human-to-werewolf transformations are possible outside this ritual. Additionally, it seems that the transference of bodily fluids from the werewolf to the human is the cause, not the bite itself; this includes saliva and blood, but sexual fluids appear to have the same effect. Upon exposure to a significant amount of werewolf fluids, the human body begins accepting the wolven anima into its being. Within the next few days, those exposed will show increased aggression, likelihood to growl, urges to chase prey, and desire to pack. If exposure to the fluids ends, the wolven anima will not bind with the human form, and effects fade over time. Continuing the exposure will prolong the effects and may induce further wolven behavior and biological changes such as heightened senses and increased hair thickness. For women, the biological changes also include a heat cycle; for men, this includes rutting responses to a woman's heat cycle. This appears to follow gender identity or at least hormone levels as a trans-woman on HRT experienced a heat cycle. These results are from observations and testing of the general population who have been engaging in intimate relationships with werewolves. Experimental tests with a wide representative sample are underway to verify the full extent and parameters of werewolf fluids' effect on humans. This new evidence indicates that the ritual bite binds the wolven anima to the human, creating a new werewolf. Considering this, basic medical care to treat bacterial infection is no longer enough for an agent to re-enter the field. All symptoms of wolven anima must be cleared from the system. This knowledge will be distributed to the public via updated guides after experiments have validated the results and we have more information. Additionally, werewolves now fall under the category of corruptive monsters; all previous classifications still stand.

“Thank you,” the researcher said as she finished rubbing the experimental cream into your skin. “As always, contact us immediately if there are any sudden changes in your mental state or physical concerns. Please return for your next application next week.”

“Of course,” you replied with a smile. It had been four months since you started the trials, and you know the drill now. Honestly, this had been one of the best choices in your life. When you first saw the ad on social media looking for volunteers for a body-enhancing topical cream based on monster science, you thought it was a scam, especially when you saw that they were paying a hundred a week with a bonus of two thousand for those who completed the full six-month trial. But you took the risk, and damn was it paying off. All you had to do was be slathered in a topical cream every week, do a finger prick blood test daily at home, and submit a five-minute check-in about anything strange you noticed about your body or mind at the end of the day.

You weren’t sure what they were exposing you to; they couldn’t tell you as it could interfere with their results or something. Initially, you had experienced some mood swings and increased aggression. Still, it had settled down, and now the only noticeable effects were your sense of smell and hearing becoming more sensitive. It was sometimes annoying, given that you lived in an apartment complex, but it was not a huge hassle. 

Before heading home, you swung by the grocery store to pick up some milk and meat. That was something else; you had been craving meat a lot since this started. While walking around the grocery store, you noticed a minotaur and a naga looking at you with interest. A blush came to your cheeks. Could they smell the cream on you? Usually, you went right home after an appointment, so you had never been out in public - and certainly not around monsters. They have been increasingly common in the area since the segregation laws were overturned, allowing humans and sentient monsters to mix freely. The older folks who remembered the Great Incursion hated it, but you didn’t mind too much. Most monsters are just like humans, merely with different physicality and cultures…and magical powers half the time.

With groceries gathered, you quickly headed home. Walking towards your building, you saw your next-door neighbor—a werewolf. He moved in six months ago for work and spent most of his time in hybrid form. Apparently, he was from the other side of the Rift, so he never had to use his humanoid form. Honestly, you never understood how people said they found monsters that didn’t look human attractive until you met him with his thick mahogany fur, piercing golden eyes, full tail, and broad chest that was barely contained by his human-style clothes…you could have sworn he was flirting with you the first couple of months after he moved in. Yet, his interest fell off a few months ago. He stayed friendly, though.

“Good day, neighbor,” he greeted with a smile. “Need help with those?”

“Thanks, Darrick. That’d be great.” Maybe it was because he wanted to prove he wasn’t a threat, but Darrick was extremely friendly. According to the DMA guides, werewolves were very social monsters due to their pack instinct, so maybe it was just that.

He took the heavy meat-filled shopping bag from your arms while you carried the milk. As he did, you noticed his large, wet nose flare and his pointed ear turn forward with interest. Another blush came to your cheeks. He could smell that cream on you, couldn’t he? Though you had to admit, his scent today was marvelous. A deep, musky scent caused your blush to travel across your body, transforming into an aroused flush.

Entering the building, you were deeply aware of his presence behind you as you climbed the steps to the second floor. Even more so, with each sway of your hips, you were aware of how deeply aroused you had suddenly become. Your swollen lips rubbed against the cloth of your panties with each stair. You had been feeling sensitive the past few days, but why did your arousal spike now?!

You stopped outside your door. As you fumbled for your keys, you heard Darrick sniff rapidly, his hot body leaning over you, caging you against the door. Glancing back, you saw his long tongue flick out from behind his sharp teeth as though tasting the air. Your mind instantly flashed to what that tongue would feel like between your legs.

“I got it from here, thanks,” you told him, desperate to get away before you did something you regretted as the scent of his musk filled your nostrils.

Your voice seemed to jolt something in him. “Right, of course,” he bent down and put the bag down on the ground. But that was a mistake. His muzzle was right at your crotch now. The scent of your arousal certainly reached his wolven nose.

On instinct, Darrick pressed his nose against your crotch. You could feel his damp, heated breath through your jeans. His chest rumbled with a low growl, the vibrations reaching down his snout to your aching mound. A pleasured, wanting moan escaped your throat. You leaned against the door, your hips tilting up, legs spreading slightly, humping his muzzle lightly. His pointed canine teeth, barred together, provided a teasing friction against your clit.

CRACK!

You jumped at the sudden sound. Darrick had driven his claws into the wall, breaking the drywall. He wrenched his snout away from you with a pitiful whine, standing quickly and moving back. “I am so sorry! I wasn’t trying to stake a claim.”

“What,” you asked hazily, trying to shake your head of the lust. “A claim…”

“It has just been months since I have been around a woman in heat, and I lost control,” Darrick continued, not hearing your response at first. Then he paused while backing up a bit more. 

“Darrick, what do you mean by ‘a woman in heat’?” Even as you spoke, your eyes were drawn across him. There was a massive bulge straining his pants. Your inner walls clenched with desire.

“Sorry,” you apologize, tearing your eyes away and fumbling once more for the door. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think it’s the cream. I need to report this to the researchers…”

Finally, you managed to open the door. Stumbling inside, you barely made it to the fridge to put away the milk. Shit, the meat. Heading back to the hall, half bent over in a vain attempt to avoid aggravating your burning crotch. Darrick was standing in the doorway, a look of concern fighting lust on his face. Not that you saw that for long as your half-bent over position put you right at his bulging groin. Your mouth parted in desire at the sight. The scent wafted to your nose. If it weren’t for Darrick catching your shoulder and holding you back, you would have desperately rubbed your face against the bludge.

“Control yourself, Darrick,” he growled to himself, pushing you back inside the apartment while bringing your groceries in and shutting the door. “You’re not a pup anymore.”

“Noooo,” you whined as he forced you to sit on the couch and stepped away to put the meat on the counter. As you watched him, your hand grabbed your breast through your shirt, massaging it. “You have to leave. If you stay, I’ll end up begging you to fuck me.”

As desperately horny as you had become, the admission did not embarrass you one bit. Darrick breathed out slowly, trying to control himself. “Where is your phone? I will call your mate. He shouldn’t be leaving you alone during your heat.”

“Mate,” you questioned. That word alone resonated with you. Yes, you wanted to mate. Fucked raw like an animal.

“Or husband, whatever term humans use. Whoever is the irresponsible wolf that has marked you with his scent so thoroughly and left you alone to deal with your heat.”

“I don’t know any other werewolves, Darrick,” you told him. The term heat was finally jogging your memory. “You’re the only one I’ve ever met. And humans don’t have a heat. I think whatever is happening has to do with the study I’m participating in. Some cream to enhance my body or something. They said arousal could be a side effect, but I didn’t think like this…”

Your hand wandered down to your pants. It slipped inside as you stroked yourself, trying to cool the ache there. Darrick stood stock still, completely focused on you, as your fingers stroked wildly. “You smell so good, Darrick. Please, you gotta leave before I jump you. Or else fuck me. I’ve dreamt about you bending me over my bed so many--”

Like a dam breaking, Darrick rushed over. His tall, fur-covered body bent over the couch, trapping you on it. “One last time,” he growled, barely able to restrain himself. “For clarity. The scent on you is this cream? Another werewolf has not mated you? And you want me to mate with you?”

You answered each question as he asked him. “Yes…No…Please, yes, fuck me, please!”

Without a spoken response, Darrick scooped you up in his arms. He carried you into your bedroom and dumped you on the bed. His chest heaved as took in deep, steadying breaths as though he was trying not to pounce on you immediately. Even as he did, his hands roamed over your shirt as he roughly tugged it off you. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to be gentle.”

“I don’t want gentle right now,” you told him, kicking off your shoes and hurriedly undoing your jeans. “I want you to fuck me with your fat cock until I’m satisfied.”

A primal growl of want escaped his throat. In two short movements, he removed your bra, his claws slicing it off, and tossed it away. Your skin was flushed with desire, nipples already hard with want. Darrick’s large paws covered your breasts, massaging them as he pushed you down against the bed. His long, hot tongue met your neck as he licked you ravenously. Every so often, you felt his pointed teeth scrape across your skin.

You moaned his name. Thrusting your hips upwards, you both tried to finish removing your jeans and gain friction on your needy hole. You managed the first one, but as your hands went to your dripping core, you found a better target. Darrick’s bulge strained against his pants. With deft fingers, you undid his pants and were just about to slip your hand inside his underwear to free him completely when he grabbed your hands. Pulling them above your head, he pinned you down, causing you to whine with displeasure.

“I need to mask that other scent first,” he growled. “Don’t want to smell another wolf. I need to cover you with my scent before I claim you.”

As desperate as you were to be fucked, his words touched a primal part of you, and now nothing sounded better than being marked by him. Inside and outside. Completely and utterly claimed. You wanted any creature who met you to know who you were mated to. That you were his .

Darrick’s muzzle slid down your neck to your chest. With one hand still pining your hands down, the other pressed between your legs. His rough fingers began to stroke, giving you both relief and teasing you as he avoided where you wanted him - his cock - the most. Sharp teeth delicately held your breast as he drew it into his mouth, his tongue lapping across your sensitive nipple. The thick pad of his thumb rubbed against your clit, the claws of his hand pressing into the flesh of your butt. 

A needy whimper escaped your throat. With the little space he left you between the bed and his hand, you lifted your hips invitingly.  “Please.”

“By Seluna, I need you,” he swore, pulling back. His nose twitched, the scent of your lust overriding any further complaints he might have had about the scent of the cream. You tried to follow him, pull him back down but his burning golden eyes pinned you in place.

Eyes hazy with lust, you watched him pull off his shirt. In his rush, his dangerous claws and sheer strength tore it off. Grabbing his already undone pants, he finally stood completely nude. Your eyes honed in on the long, red, throbbing cock between his legs. The tapered head glistened with precum in the sunlight peeking through your shades. Your core clenched with want.

“On your hands and knees,” he commanded, his words barely recognizable through the thick growl of want in his voice. Without hesitation, you turned around. Settling in the center of the bed, you were on your hands and knees, the aching desire between your legs presented to him.

A long moment passed where all you heard was the huff and puff of his breathing behind you. Then, a cold, wet nose pressed itself against your lower lips. You moaned. Darrick’s broad tongue lapped at the swollen flesh. Panting moans left you as the pleasure built. You were so close. Suddenly, his tongue slipped inside of you.

With a cry of pleasure, you came on his tongue. It wiggled inside of you as your body clenched around it. Finally, he withdrew, his muzzle covered in your juices. “Good mate,” he praised. “So, fertile and willing.”

He shook his head, barely returning to his senses enough to add, “You should take some night tea after, 'cause I’m gonna breed you now.”

“Yes,” you panted with joy. The orgasm took the edge off, but you needed more. Being bred sounded like the best thing in the world. Filled with his thick creamy cum.

Your bed dipped with his weight as he climbed on, positioning himself behind you. You felt the heat radiating off his turgid cock even before its heavy weight rested upon your hips. 

“Inside,” you pleaded, rocking your hips. His hands gripped your hips, claws digging in ever so slightly. 

“Spread,” he told you, and even in your current state, you could tell from his tone he was barely restraining himself. Eagerly, you obeyed, spreading your knees further apart. Darrick kept a firm grip on your hips as you did, forcing you to lower yourself onto your forearms. Now, you were fully presenting your dripping hole to him.

You felt the magnetic heat of his cock as he lined it up. As his thick length pressed inside, you whined with pleasure. “Yeesssss.”

The prick of his claws was barely enough to keep you from orgasming with just the tip of his cock inside of you. Inch by inch, he slid inside. You tried to press yourself back on him to take in more, but his strong grasp on your hips stopped you. “You’re gonna make me...” 

“Please, Darrick, breed me!”

With that plea, he snapped. Pulling back until just the tip was left, he slammed his hips forward. You screamed in pleasure. Unleashed, Darrick pounded into you wildly. Spurred on by the hormones of your heat, he rutted into you with only one thing on his mind: breeding his mate.

With each wild thrust, you could feel your body accepting more of him. His cock filled you up each time your inner walls stretched to take in more. You were moaning and panting with ecstasy. You weren’t even sure if you were orgasming, but the pleasure was overwhelming your mind. You could think of little else but his cock inside of you.

Releasing your hips, Darrick bent over your back. His large hands resting on either side of your head, holding your hands in place. The weight of him pinning you beneath him with no hope of escape - not that you wanted to. His hot breath caressed the sensitive skin of your neck and ear. The growl of his voice reverberated across your whole body. “I’m gonna knot you. Ruin you for human men. You want that, don’t you?”

You gave a whine of pleasure-drunk consent, unable to form words.

With a powerful thrust, you felt him hilt within you. His pointed cock pressed against your womb. Then you felt it. As the glands of his cock expanded, he stretched you. Thicker than anything that had been inside of you before. Yet, the pain of the stretching only added to your pleasure. Your nails dug into your sheets. It was too much. You were so close to breaking. You were…you were…

Your body exploded with ecstasy, juices gushing over his cock. Low, long moans, almost like howls, issued from your throat as you threw your head back. Your inner walls clenched powerfully around his knot, locking it within you.

Then it came. What your body was craving. Darrick threw his head back in a true howl as his thick hot cum filled your womb, searing its claim inside of you. His cum spurred your orgasm to even greater heights. Your eyes rolled back in your head, tongue lolling out, inner walls still clenching around him, drawing in every last ounce of cream. There was so much cum, you thought it would never end. You never wanted it to end. Yet, eventually, your bodies were spent.

Darrick’s knot still firmly resting inside of you, he rolled you both on your sides. His arms were around you, cradling you as you came down from the ecstatic high. His long, wet tongue tiredly but comfortingly lapped at your shoulder and neck.

While you still felt aroused, being filled with his cum and having a knot in you satisfied your primal urge to breed for now. After a few minutes, your mind started to return. What the fuck did you just do? What the fuck happened to you?

“Are you alright,” Darrick asked before you could voice your own concerns.

“Yes…I’m just confused…that’s never happened before. What is that cream doing to me?”

Darrick’s grip tightened around in comfort. “I think I know…there is this story the Elders tell. The first werewolves were created before the Division when our worlds were one. They were humans; warriors granted power by the spirits of nature to temporarily wield the spirit of the wolf to defend their homes. After the Division, the wolf's spirit was permanently bound to us. But we needed mates; most werewolves then were men, and the few that were women could not keep our populations going. So, the moon goddess Seluna took pity on us and let us transform others through sharing our essence…at first, all it required was for us to bite a human, but the sudden merging of wolf and human spirits drove many insane. Therefore, Seluna’s wife, Noctune, goddess of the night, took inspiration from her wife’s slow transformations each month. Sharing our essence would slowly introduce people - our mates or others we deemed worthy - to the wolf spirit so their humanity could adjust before it was made permanent. This also gave humans a chance to change their minds.”

“That’s a lovely story. So, you’re saying this cream is introducing me to werewolf essence? Wait, what is werewolf essence?”

Darrick chuckled a bit nervously. “Blood, saliva, and…” He gently thrust his hips, indicating his cum.

“Wait, so they’ve been covering me in werewolf - I hope - saliva? And that’s been changing my body?” You reeled at this new information. “Wait, so this is actually a heat?”

“Yeah. Usually, the exposure would be done by your mate, and you’d know what was going to happen, and they would help you through it.”

You were silent for a moment. “So, does this make us mates?”

Darrick chuckled nervously again. “We have mated, sure, and you’re going to need help getting through your heat. So, we can do it again. But, I mean, after, we don’t need to be…I mean  I think you’re pretty great. I was really disappointed when I thought you’d been claimed and I…”

“I wouldn’t mind trying to date after you finish helping me through this,” you told him, cutting off his adorable ramble. “If you want.”

There were several loud thumps from behind him as his tail wagged happily, hitting the bed. “I would like that.”

Comments and reblogs are appreciated.

Find more stories in my Masterlist

More Darrick stories: [In progress]

[creativelylucky]

It's autism awareness month

Shoutout to people with:

Level 1 autism

Level 2 autism

Level 3 autism

Lsn autism

Msn autism

HSN autism

Nonverbal autism

Semiverbal autism

Hyperverbal autism

Autism where you have verbal shutdowns

Autism where you have a hard time processing

Autism where you process slower

Autism where you process faster

Autism that disables you

Autism that empowers you

Autism as a boy

Autism as a girl

Autism as any trans or genderqueer identity

Autism as any lgbt person

Autism with hyperempathy

Autism with hypoempathy

Autism with common/stereotypical special interests

Autism with unusual/unique special interests

Autism where you are independent

Autism where you need carers

Autism where the mental disability is so severe that you don't understand the world

Autism where it's the opposite and you're actually mentally stronger from it

Autism coupled with other disorders

Autism coupled with mental illness

Autism coupled with chronic illness

Autism coupled with another disability

Autism that makes you stim to extreme levels

Autism where you can't mask

Autism where you can and do mask

Autism that matches what's on tv

Autism that doesn't match what's on tv

Autism that renders you unable to use tumblr or any other social media

Autism that was diagnosed early

Autism that was diagnosed late

Undiagnosed autism

Autism that was wrongly diagnosed as something else

Sensory seeking autism

Sensory avoiding autism

Autism and aspec

Autism and not aspec

Autism with severe meltdowns

Autism that makes you mentally a child

Autism that doesn't affect your mental age

Autism and unable to work

Autism and can work

Autism that needs special programs and special ed

Autism where you only needed regular ed

Autism as a kid

Autism as an adult

Autism as a teen

Autism as an elder

Autism where you can self advocate

Autism where others have to be your voice

Autism where you have a limited imagination

Autism with a wide and expansive imagination

Autism with a logic increase

Autism with an emotional increase

Autism where you barely eat any foods because you don't like them

Autism where you eat food normally

Autism where you eat unusual foods

Autism and suicidal thoughts

Autism and ptsd

Autism and an ED

AuDHD

Autism and OCD

Autism and DID/otherwise are a system

Autism and a personality disorder

Autism and bipolar

Autism and tourettes

Autism and down syndrome

Autism and any other secondary diagnosis

Autism and struggling with anything external to autism, but it's worse because of your autism

Autism and struggling with external struggles and they're separate, not affected by your autism

Autism and struggling with things completely related to autism

Autism and developed mental health or physical issues that wouldn't be there if you didn't have autism, even if they seem external

Autism and physical disabilities

Autism and anger issues

Autism and are hypersensitive

Autism and are hyposensitive

Autism.

Shoutout to anyone with autism. Autistic people. Autism. Shoutout to you guys. You're all valid.

[rainbowsky]

Heyy rainbowsky. I hope you're doing good. There's something that's been on my mind for a while regarding candies, esp the one regarding their social media and the ones that seem "intentional". Do you think these are directed at each other or to turtles. As a younger turtle I used to think it was for each other and would also see them as a stretch cause I couldn't see the point of putting so much effort in these if they were already together. But as I have taken a break and come back, (older and wiser i hope) and have myself found my footing in my queerness while still being largely closeted, I feel like I'm swaying more towards the latter. That they do this for the turtles, or more so for themselves and their identities. It's makes me think of how i wear a discreet rainbow bracelet as part of my everyday wear, ie, a quiet assertion of who i am to who is willing to see. What do you think about this? Also what do you think turtles represent for them? Do you also think for them, we are an escape from an otherwise homophobic and closeted world? I'd really like to know your perspective.

Hi Chaoticmoonlight! I'm getting by! I hope you're well, too! 😊

Well, these things don't have to be a case of either/or. They can serve multiple purposes at the same time. I think that when it comes to 'declarations of love', or a certain type of social media PDA in their posts (kadian, candies, etc.), it's almost always aimed at each other and at turtles simultaneously, as well as anyone else who knows them for who they are (friends, family, etc.).

If GG and DD want to send a message to each other, they can just pick up the phone. Doing so publicly or on social media inevitably involves an element of self-expression, and likely at times becomes a grander gesture because of the public nature of the message.

If a partner holds your hand at home, it's sweet. If they do it in public there's an added element of 'making a statement', of openly declaring their affection for you. This gesture can become more powerful as the risk of doing so increases.

I agree that it's also a lot like wearing a rainbow flag pin or carrying a rainbow tote bag, or all the other ways queer people express ourselves and show our colors. It's a way of being as open as possible about an important relationship, and about our identities.

I've posted about this a few times in the past. A very common misconception among most people - especially straight people, but even some queer people - is that closeted people will want to do everything in their power to hide their sexual orientation and relationship status/partner. I think this is a very misguided understanding of the closet.

People have a fundamental need to be seen, accepted and validated for who they are. It's not just a 'nice-to-have', it's something people truly need for their survival and well-being. People who don't get those needs met will generally not thrive, and will often suffer in deep and damaging ways.

A lot of people think the closet is a place where people go to stay safe, and therefore it's a 'safe space'. This is so untrue. The closet might be the best option among several bad options, but it's by no means a safe, happy place. It's often a place of loneliness, alienation, grief and pain. People don't generally stay in the closet because they're happy there - they stay there because coming out is more dangerous/scary than staying closeted.

The vast majority of people, if they knew that it was safe to come out, - that they'd be accepted, protected and respected - would do so in a heartbeat. But even from within the closet, there is still that need to be seen and known for who we are. Those needs don't go away just because someone is closeted.

Closeted people will often go out of their way to share as much as they possibly can about who they really are, right up to the line where they'd be fully outed.

Coming out is also not just a 'one and done' thing. It is a gradual process, and one that has to be repeated over and over again as the circle of 'those who know' expands over time. I talked about that in more detail here. The best way I can express it is to say,

people will be as 'out' as they are able to be at any given time.

For some people, being out among friends and family and showing some small under-the-radar expressions of Pride will be their personal safe limit. For others it might just be wearing a rainbow bracelet, or wearing their lover's scarf. That safe limit will often expand or shift over time. Sometimes it will even shrink. There's definitely such a thing as 'being thrown back/deeper into the closet'.

They might not be able to make a post sharing photos from a hiking trip they took together, but they can share enough information to ensure turtles know they took that trip (a special moment for both of them, not just turtles). They might not be able to post boasts and praise about their partner's successes and milestones, but they can in subtle ways express their joy so that those who know, know, and so their partner witnesses their praise. They might not be able to openly put their names side by side on charitable works, but turtles will do it for them.

GG and DD are in the unique position of having millions of people who believe they're a couple. While I'm sure it sometimes makes their experience of being closeted that much more terrifying (considering their relationship is being talked about so openly), I suspect that in most cases it makes their experience of being closeted much more bearable.

It's not just the gesture itself that is sweet. As I said earlier, the public nature of it - the fact that others are witnessing it - adds to the power and significance of it. GG seeing DD wearing a #29 helmet for racing practice on GG's 29th birthday no doubt made GG smile, but it likely also made him doubly happy to see us freaking out over it, and knowing that someone out there knows DD was celebrating him.

As I have said in the past, I feel like turtles probably give them strength as they deal with their day-to-day experience of being closeted and apart most of the time. This is a sentiment LRLG has often expressed, too.

Wishing you strength and support on your journey as well, chaotic-moonlight. There's no right or wrong way to be queer, and no timeline we have to meet. Being closeted in no way invalidates who we are.

Related posts:

Closeted Relationships

Coming Out

What BXG Might Mean to GGDD

About Kadian

Sun Wenjing and coming out in less than ideal circumstances

[kehideni]

Part 2 of https://www.tumblr.com/kehideni/756020526614478848/the-time-has-come-the-aroacest-person-ever-will?source=share

Spoilers for season 5

S5E1

When Macaque is going off on Wukong about how his companions are suddenly back and he didn't think that suspicious (which is a valid point btw, when MK forgets to hold his braincells, this season it's Macaque that holds them for him)

Wukong's reaction is to go defensive, because why would he question why they are back, when Macaque is back too.

Wukong will not say it because why would he, but he is most probably glad that his friends are back. I mean Season 4 ended with him saying that's life. Just him and his buddies having a good time on the beach.

Macaque saying "all his old companions" are back, and leaving himself out of that statement is also a quiet jab. "His old friends, your journey companions are back." What... are you not his friend too, Macaque? Are you not also back?

That pouty face to me looks hurt, and that's why Macaque backed down. I don't think he knows why Wukong looks hurt, but he is so he backs off to get the conversation back to intended tracks. MK's identity.

Macaque from his pov was trying to warn Wukong that he is being too careless, but it came accross as criticising, something that Wukong never took well, but when Nezha does it in Season 4 he only gets a crayon thrown at him, when Mac does it, it actually stings so of course he bites back. Not that he doesn't think about what Mac said to him, but well... these monkeys are horrible in communication.

I grade them both -F. Try again next year.

S5E2

Wukong picks a fight with Macaque again, which wouldn't be strange given the situation, things are tense.

But it's not like it's unreasonable for Macaque to be upset about being jailed. What is he supposed to do? Cheer?

What makes this scene kind of elevated from being a casual "things are shitty, let's bicker" scene is that... MK takes note of it nonverbally.

"You think it's my idea of a good time? Trapped in here with you?" *bites his lip

which is... whoaww tsundere much? Not like you are not also trapped there with MK... did you... forget he is there? Weird case of Macaque prioritization no. 1.

And it's not like it was just a gag and we forget it, because a few seconds later MK takes note of this verbally too.

"Nezha help, i don't wanna be a divorce lawyer." /j

The season is full of Wukong's micro facial expressions.

Half a minute ago he was pissed at Macaque and now he chuckles about how Macaque just outed MK's lawyer bit like it was nothing.

And he wasn't really laughing about MK specifically, because as MK continues his bit, his expression turns to annoyed.

Nothing, just appreciate him laughing along the get away stunt while you still can

Wukong's line here is very deliberate

"I don't trust anyone who isn't standing here with us right now." He knows what he said, and knows who heard it. An olive branch alright, but he still is shocked when his trust is proven to be placed right:

And one example of rightly placed Macaque-prioritisation (the only example, really)

Not 3 minutes ago he was laughing along, having fun and we already have the stress lines back.

People have pointed it out already, but you guys are actually correct to notice:

Wukong, you were not hit on your chest, your head is what's supposed to be hurting. And look at those increasing amount of stress lines, whaow. When MK asks if Mac got away, Wukong knows no.

And let me remind you, in Season 4 Wukong sarcastically says: "Oh right, because you always RUSH to my rescue." Well there you go honey, Macaque rushed to your rescue.

S5E7 Into the Pagoda

The thing with the 100 eyed demon is that as we saw with MK, he is looking for THE most traumatising memory with his victims.

Wukong's canonical most traumatising memory *IS* his fight with Macaque, when there could have been hundreds other memories. One of the freshest ones seeing Azure disintegrate in front of him (and yes we did see him be upset about it), but i guess that's not enough to make him cry. But if you want another example of hurtful memory (strictly taking from the show because that's what we know for sure happened) is when Mei chewed him out for being a bad friend to MK. Or... well i guess Wukong is the older brother of MK now.

Look at those stress lines

Before this scene, let me remind you, the last we saw Wukong was having fun on Tang's expense.

Macaque once again sees how Wukong is upset but has no idea that he is the reason behind it and ends up being rather inconsiderate of Wukong's mood.

(This exchange is tonally deaf from Macaque's side.

It's akin to like when you just lost your pet and when you get home your mom goes off on you for not having washed the dishes.)

Wukong really doesn't care in this second that they got captured, nor that MK went off alone in the pagoda. This is Wukong's second case of "weird Macaque-priority". Something that he really shouldn't allow himself in the apocalypse.

The third time he prioritises Macaque is even weirder. MK just left to KILL HIMSELF. You really don't have time to check on Macaque, Wukong.

But he does.

Even Macaque calls him out on that:

"Stop the kid, you idiot!" and Macaque is right. TF you doing wasting time Wukong?

At the end Wukong is being perfectly open about Mac being important to him.

Thing is, it's also well timed that he starts to care about Macaque again, because alarmingly lot of times this Season Macaque was isolated from everyone. Not in a physical sense, although that too happened, but in imagery as well:

Everyone is grouped: Mei with Wukong, Tang Pigsy Sandy, Nezha and his father. Note their position too.

And yes, the hand holding block happened on purpose too, btw:

Macaque's reward in season 4 for helping the good guys was that he is no longer alone, unlike how he was from season 1 to 3. But season 5 suggests that he *IS* still alone, and while Wukong seeks him out, they are not there yet. Wukong is no longer alone, but Macaque still is.

[haggishlyhagging]

Women come by this "identity crisis" naturally. Our way of living systematically separates females from their identities. We teach females to aspire to "roles" or "images" instead of to develop themselves as people. Girls are told to react, rather than act. Passivity is a feminine virtue; activity is masculine. We subtly introduce the idea that a strong self is tantamount to aggressiveness. Casually we say, "Don't be yourself so much. Listen to what your boyfriend-fiancé-husband is saying."

All these things contribute to females having weak or confused self-concepts. In our society, there are several "good" reasons for doing this. All are intertwined with maintaining an ever-increasing consumer economy. Great parts of our economy are directly dependent upon women having a weak self-concept. A multi-billion dollar fashion-cosmetic industry testifies to the validity of this approach. A woman who does not know who she is can be sold anything. She can also be used as a shill to sell anything.

Employers prey upon the weak self-concept of women in order to exploit them as a disposable labor force. Only people who feel that they are, in truth, exploitable—expendable—of low value—can be exploited. The economy can absorb just so many workers without profits being cut. If large segments of the population consider themselves expendable, they can be used when the need arises, as in wartime, when women took over "men's" jobs, and expended when the need disappears. They can be dissuaded from even entering the labor force to "compete" with men if they are convinced that their real role—real value—lies in taking care of their husbands and children. A woman staying home and maintaining the "necessities" of life becomes a prime consumer, frees a worker (the man) to continue contributing to the economy, and raises a new generation of workers cost-free.

-Gabrielle Burton, I’m Running Away From Home But I’m Not Allowed to Cross the Street: A Primer on Women’s Liberation

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hey we've been thinking about that "OSDD was a temporary diagnosis" post for a while and. it makes complete sense what you guys said but like. we can't get ANYONE to diagnose us as anything CDD, let alone anything that isn't going to give us the treatment equivalent of slapping a bandaid on a stab wound. Is there like, anywhere we could look further into P-DID/DID research on the subject? We're not comfortable moving off of the self diagnosis of OSDD-1b yet so we wanna be triple sure to get as much information as possible.

Thankies 💕💕💕

- 🐑 & 🌸 of the Constellation Collective

There's places all over to find that info, but I want to encourage you not to overthink it. You can dig deeper, you absolutely should, but the label... it doesn't matter. It's really, truly okay to get this one wrong and switch around between the labels or use them interchangeably. I promise. You don't need to be right, because you're right regardless (unless it's a misdiagnosis, but I'm going to talk about that at the end of this, because it's important).

I am diagnosed OSDD, but I call myself DID. It's easy, I understand that there's not that big of a difference, no one is going to yell at us (me or you) if it turns out that we have the other one. We're not misrepresenting ourselves. If it turns out I would only ever be diagnosed with OSDD, that doesn't mean I was wrong using the DID label, or that I was even mislabelling myself.

Whether you're diagnosed with DID or OSDD largely depends on where you live. I made a post about this a while back but I can't find it. The US is more likely to diagnose OSDD with minor amnesia than the UK. They're more likely to call minor amnesia DID (as they should). It's literally a dice throw, and not that important.

To quote my BFF, Colin Ross,

The dividing line between DID and most cases of dissociative disorder not otherwise specified is arbitrary [or OSDD]. Most cases of DDNOS are partial forms of DID which lack either clear switching of executive control, full amnesia barriers between identity states, or clear differentiation and structure of identity states. They are partial forms of DID with the same patterns of childhood trauma and co-morbidity.

Also this quote.

So on the one hand we have a vast swathe of people who are, or would be, diagnosed with OSDD as opposed to dissociative identity disorder but who show almost all of the symptoms of DID. Many people therefore see DID and OSDD as appearing on a spectrum, and prefer to conflate the two conditions so that DID/OSDD represents a range of dissociative experiences with more or less amnesia and greater or less elaboration and distinctive identity states or parts of the personality.

It is also what happens in practice: very few people would realistically distinguish between DID and OSDD.

And,

Both OSDD and DID are the result of the spontaneous action of the brain in response to trauma. Both contain different self-states, holding shards of memory and ‘unformulated experience’ (Stern, 1997). Both can be helped by similar approaches to therapy which encourage neuronal repair and result in brain growth such as increased hippocampal volume. Above all, all forms of dissociation need to be validated for their unique contribution to survival.

P-DID is a bit of a new one. Here's the ICD link to it, if you want to read more, but it's going to be the same as above. It's really not that important. Its main difference is that the system doesn't really switch, it's mostly intrusion (like feelings bleeding between alters and host).

These are really only useful for describing how your system generally functions.

Finally, misdiagnosis.

It's okay to be wrong completely. Maybe it's just BPD or OCD, autism, any of the number of disorders that come with identity confusion.

When someone self DX something like BPD and they finally get to therapy and find out it's literally ANYTHING else, we celebrate with them. Good job, you found answers! You're on the right path! You can get the right kind of help now. You did what you had to do in order to get by, and you did your best to try to understand yourself with the tools you had. The use of the first label wasn't malicious, you didn't hurt anyone by using it, and you probably got yourself pretty knowledgeable on the topic.

You are now a resource for those who are also trying to figure themselves out.

Who knows better what the difference between BPD and OSDD is than someone who tried out both and found the answer?

Being wrong doesn't mean you're bad, I don't know why we don't celebrate a misdiagnosis of DID like we do some others. We're all just trying to understand ourselves, and sometimes we're wrong. The point is that eventually we figure it out, and the journey there... recognizing a misdiagnosis is a GOOD part of your story, and it's an important story to share. You were still struggling, regardless of what label you used and what you're being diagnosed with.

Use the label that feels right to you. If you want to keep using OSDD, that's fine. You're describing how your system works right now, and that's perfect. Using DID or OSDD, you'll end up in the same place regardless-- hopefully this means with a good therapist who's going to take your symptoms seriously, but you're going to end up in that same chair no matter what label you're using.

I really hope this helped.

Also, I didn't really touch on it, but I'm sorry you're struggling to get a diagnosis. That must be incredibly frustrating. Don't give up. Unfortunately, the average is about 5 years for most. Keep advocating for yourself.

[random-thought-depository]

This post (which I can't reblog, and which I'm pretty sure is about aromanticism, see their tags) is, like, I want to write some sort of response to it but I'm not even sure where to start.

Like, yes, it is true that at least in pretty big parts of the world it's normal and at this point pretty normative for men to have casual sex. And what I think that person is actually getting at is there are a lot of hostile sexist men who approach heterosexual courtship in an adversarial exploitative way, and if hostile sexist men of this type were actually trying to do entryism to the LGBT/queer community via defining their adversarial exploitative approach to heterosexual sex as "aromanticism" letting them do that would be a very "so open-minded you've let your brain fall out" move. I don't agree with their claim that "cishet man who is emotionally uninvested in his sexual partners" is "the majority guy ... this is the normal way for cishet men to be," but that's not a necessary claim for their argument.

But:

1) IME "emotionally uninvested in your sexual partners" is not actually what "aromanticism" means in the dialect of people who are actually likely to claim it as an identity or defend the idea that it's a valid LGBT/queer identity. IME they're much more likely to talk about having friends-with-benefits type relationships with friends than to talk about the sort of sexual behavior I'd expect from hostile sexist straight men who just want to "score" with people whose company they don't desire for its own sake. They might be uwuifying their own sexual behavior to present a more socially acceptable persona, but...

2) I think the kind of hostile sexist guy who takes an adversarial exploitative approach to courtship is pretty unlikely to unironically identify as aromantic. This is the point on which I'm honestly most tempted to reciprocate that person's "is this your first day on Earth?" attitude toward people who think like me. Seriously, imagine how a guy who fits the negative stereotypes of PUAs or frat bros would react if you suggested to him that his adversarial exploitative attitude toward the women he sexually desires makes him "aromantic" and therefore queer. I don't think men like that want into the LGBT/queer community, by-in-large! Quite the opposite! Men like that are more likely to associate with and value inclusion in social groups in which perceived proximity to queerness would decrease, not increase, their popularity and clout.

I think if a straight cis man self-identifies as queer on the basis of being aromantic, it's pretty likely the experience he's using that self-description to articulate is something pretty different from fitting the negative stereotypes of how frat bro types relate to women. A guy who fit the negative stereotypes of how frat bro types relate to women would probably hang out with others guys like himself, and self-identifying as queer would probably decrease, not increase, his popularity and clout with those guys. I don't think a lot of guys are going to claim to be aromantic as a cynical dating/sexual strategy either; maybe some guy somewhere might self-describe as aromantic as part of a cynical strategy get into the pants of some Smith College types, but I think the kind of guy who might do that is actually not that common and the kind of guy who might do that would be more likely to adopt a persona tailored to appeal to more socially conventional women.

Like, I'm not going to say "hostile sexist man claims the adversarial exploitative way he relates to women he wants to have sex with is aromanticism" is something that never happens, the world is vast and various, but I don't think it happens on any significant scale, I don't think it's a threat we should be strategizing around on a scale above, like, small-scale friend groups who find themselves directly dealing with such a guy.

I went back and forth on whether I should tag that person in this or not (they seem a combination of logical and maybe unfamiliar with how ace/aro people self-describe that makes me think I might actually be able to change their mind about this to some extent, I would like to!), in the end I decided them making the post unrebloggable was a pretty clear implicit statement that they preferred not to have more engagement on it and it's probably better to not bring this to their attention.