brainylittledumpsterfire

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

I have some thoughts I want to vent about my identity, and I'm not inherently asking for advice or speculation, I just want to cycle through some stuff.

I've been having very frequent romantic fantasies within the last few months despite being aroace. Like usually when I'm trying to fall asleep, or I'm listening to a romantic song or I'm frankly really bored and I don't know why.

Most of my fantasies before now weren't romantic at all and now they are and it's just- weird. And confusing. They're fantasies exclusively. About. Me. And they're very thorough/Intimate

A part of me thinks it's just my brain's way of coping with my crippling self loaving and my desperation for love and validation in general, because I've had that issue for awhile. Like Thinking about being hit on or cat called or even down right harassed, its honestly pretty fucked up and I'm working on it, I swear.

The only thing stumping me there is that those issues aren't new? Like at all. Why am I only thinking about that stuff now?

It also doesn't help that I've always been insecure about being Aro. Ik I'm valid, ik I'm in my own head, it's just with how glossy and wonderful people make other queer identities sound it's hard to not feel less than. I'll often fill in my identity as bi instead of Aro in my head because it just makes me feel less icky.

Idk. I know it's all probably natural. I know I'm in my own head. It's just all- difficult. Like when I think about that stuff actually happening I get yk, a knot in my chest, I don't enjoy it then, it's just. It feels very real and genuine when I'm thinking about it.

I'm tired.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

I just forced myself to take an extremely uncomfortable 11 hour nap even though I wasn't tired, and I woke up every twenty minutes to cough up all the mucus in my throat.

My skin is melting off my bones.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Guys is it normal to have a vivid sex/romance dream/fantasy and then cry because you're doubting you entire AroAce identity?

Totally hypothetical, not speaking from experience/j

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Murder Mystery with heavy romance should come with a warning.

I came here for death. Not 5 chapters worth of rigorous smooching.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Someone should write a "romance" novel about a Socially anxious, probably autistic girl constantly having guys mistake her stuttering and flushed face as her being romantically interested in them and then all her romcom cliche ass love interests die or smthn, idk, i dont go here.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

The little circles around the characters are them x themselves. I'm hitting everyone with the Aromantic beam. No one is safe

Template:

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Yk, I love Charlie x Emily x Vaggie but I'd like to suggest an alternative angle..

Pentious x Emily x Cherri.

Pentious and Emily being peak autism gets autism energy. Emily being a little too innocent, and Cherri pushing her out of her comfort zone. Pentious and Emily hitting it off immediately in heaven with their goofy connection, and Pentious immediately introducing Emily to Cherri when they get to hell. Both Pentious and Emily (The angels) admiring their rebellious still sinner gf.

Idk, I'm not even sure if it's my thing, but I feel like it's good for someone out there

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

More ship dynamics that are Icarus x The sun coded. More ship Dynamics that are someone chasing waterfalls, instead of the rivers and lakes that they're used to.

More ships between a lesser and a greater.

Bonus points if they both die.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

If I tell you about my OC, and your reaction does not offer the appropriate amount of support and appreciation..

I. Will. Cry. :)

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

It's actually so fucked up that food gets smaller as I get bigger. A PACK OF RAMEN USED TO FEEL HUGE. WHAT HAPPENEEEDDD.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Have you guys ever been holding yourself back from a mental breakdown and then had some voice in the back of your head tell you that you might be on the verge of ascension and this breakdown is actually just your brain adjusting to divine knowledge and omnipotence and if you just let the anxiety consume you whole you will finally understand all the boundless truths of the universe?

Yeah me neither.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Marking today as the day a vending machine denied me my mango juice and a very polite guy came up and almost broke the machine to get it out for me.

Chivalry is not dead lol

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SONG IS CALLED IN ENGLISH?? it's driving me nuts, I wanna look up the English version but my phone doesn't have the tools to translate it easily.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Idk why Gentle Disaster feels so accurate

Also it's funny that this post can produce names anywhere between Squirmy Nibbles and Arcane Destroyer

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

I'm so scared to declare myself a miku fan because I'm afraid a million miku Stan's will emerge from the shadows and point leeks at my skull and ask me to name 30 of her top classics from like, when i was 10, and I won't and ill die.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

Tw: vent, anxiety, meltdowns, sh

Can someone understand that when I get sent home from school because I had a meltdown it isn't that I just don't want to be there, too sad, no wanna

It's a crisis, it's me hiding in a bathroom stall, sobbing, scratching my skin raw, and being too scared to even go to my counselor. It's not a choice. If I stayed I'd be too out of it to work anyway.

AND. When I get home it's not like I throw a little party or something. I just lay there. Most of the time I don't even have the energy to eat.

I'm just really tired of explaining that it's not something I enjoy doing.

[brainylittledumpsterfire]

That's pretty reassuring! Don't get me wrong, I know the fae aren't cartoonshly mean, and wasn't too scared, all things considered. I've just got anxiety lol

But! Good thing to hear! Thanks for letting me know!

UH, I'm new to interacting with the fae, and I need some help. I know you're not supposed to brag about your interactions with them, and I didn't, But I did casually tell my mom that I left them some honey, as a sign of good will, since I hadn't really thought about them in a year or two. That's it.

Is that bragging? Should I apologize? I think I might just in case, but I want a second opinion.

Thank you!