A mix of Dark and Light Batfam humor based on various comic panels and scenarios. Mostly skits, no art is mine (skill issue😭)
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Just thought I’d share someone put a life-sized Batman on the roof of their apartment today…
In the area of my city with some of the highest gang and drug related crimes…
And across from a nursing home where one patient back in 2016 escaped and took his pants off screaming he was, in fact, Batman.
This is Ohio.
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All the different Timber through the multiple universes 🤭 Tim is so silly and so stupidly in love with Bernard in all of them and I love that for him 👏
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My boyfriend guessing the name of Batfamily members (unmasked):
Bruce: “Bruce Wayne! Easy!”
Selina: “Is that the one you said had a baby with him” “she’s one of the women yes but not who you’re thinking” “ah, sh*t…Vanessa?”
Stephanie: “…You drive me crazzzyy-” “NOT EVERY BLONDE IS BRITNEY SPEARS”
Tim: “Is he one of them bisexuals?” “What’s wrong with bisexuals?” “Nothing he just looks like it.” “What does a bisexual look like to you?” “*points* THAT” “Kay!” “Bill the bi.” (He refused to answer again)
Damian: “It’s giving violence” “Name?” “Rage” 
Dick: “It’s giving f*ck boy.” “You don’t know his life!” “Chad.”
Jason: “That’s the guy I’m going as for Halloween, right?” “Yes but what’s his REAL name?” “(Says his own name)” “Fine. But I hope you know he dies at one point.” “Even better.”
Barbara: “She looks like a Beth? Bethany?”
Duke: “Joseph.”
Talia: “THATS the one you were talking about-“ “yes!” “Talbitha”
Cassandra: “I’m freaking telling you that’s the girl from resident evil!” “It’s not Ada Wong.”“Someone go find her Leon.” “SHE’S NOT ADA WONG!”
Alfred: “Henry.”
#batfamily#batman#batfam#dc comics#dc universe#bruce wayne#dc robin#damian wayne#richard grayson#tim drake#resident evil#ada wong#cassandra cain#talia al ghul#jason todd#dcu#the batman#red hood#citizens of gotham#gotham#selena kyle#stephanie brown#comedy#red robin#alfred pennyworth#catwoman#dick grayson#duke thomas
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My boyfriend guessing the name of batfamily members (masked):
Batman: “Batman.” “His real name?” “Bruce Wayne.”
Robin: “Robin!”
Red Robin: “Uh…that Adam Driver guy?” “Babe, that’s the actor from Star Wars.” “Oh sh*t that’s a real person?”
Nightwing: “Oh-oh- that’s the flying blue lesbian” “exCUSE ME?!”
Bluebird: “Blue vigilante”
Red Hood: “Oh sh*t that’s gonna be me next Halloween-“ “Kay (his nickname)” “He’s got my gun, badass leather, a helmet…” “Just tell me his name.” “He’s even got my muscles- Killer Kay.” “I can’t with you.”
Batwoman: “Bat girl”
Batgirl: “Wait what-“ “This one’s different from the other.” “Uh..Bat..Batlady?”
Spoiler: “The purple people eater” “are you serious?” “Never.”
Catwoman: “Catwoman.”
Orphan: “Resident evil girl.”
#batfamily#batman#batfam#dc comics#dc universe#bruce wayne#dc robin#damian wayne#richard grayson#tim drake
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I’m gonna catch some hate for this but Arkham games Tim looks like an aged up Caillou.
#arkham knight#batman arkham series#i said what i said#hes ugly#they did him so dirty#batman#dc comics#tim drake
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youtube
Link^
Batfam as Tiktok audios/Vines part 1
Inspired by my response to the very true words of @daminette-56 on the jealous issues of one Selena Kyle over a certain Wayne.
Also it keeps autocorrecting Selena’s name for some unexplainable reason so it’s an ‘e’ for now and not Sel.ina.
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Bruce: You know, you’re the most jealous woman I know.
Selena: You know other women? 😡
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Dick: You ever wanna talk about your emotions TM?
Jason: No🤷
Tim: I do!😁
Dick: I know David😑
Tim: I’m sad 😞
Dick: I know David😑
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Dick: Let me see what you have 🤨
Damian: A KNIFE😃🔪
Dick: NO😯🏃♀️
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Jason: All women *pulls out lightsaber* are 👸🏻✨queens✨👸🏻
Kate: *pulls out saber* If she’s breathes 💨She’s a THOTTTT💥
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Alfred: *After dealing with children all day* Two shots of vodka 😁💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧
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Stephanie: *screams*
Duke: AH! Stop! I coulda dropped my croissant 😡
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Dick: *random backflip* 🤸🏻♂️ I’VE BEEN DREAMING OF A 💕💋TRUE LOVES KISS💋💕
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Bruce: You know what you’re in time out😠 Get on the fridge! Get up there!
Jason: This house is a F*CKING NIGHTMARE! 🧗
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Damian: *stares at his father for the first time*
Bruce: 😅Uhm…
Talia: 🤨
Bruce:…… Wanna beer?🍺
Talia: HE’S FOUR!🤬
Bruce: I DON’T KNOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM?!
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Bernard: OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!
Tim: what is it?
Bernard: 💋
Tim:… 🧑⚖️OVERRULED.
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Duke: 🎤SHE’S A BEAST 😤 I CALL HER MAMA😊💕
Dick:…that’s not the words.
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Selena: I saw you hangin’ out with Kaitlin yesterday-
Bruce: 😮Rebecca! It’s not what you think 😰
Selena: I won’t hesitate b*tch 💥🔫
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Damian: I just miss the 90s.
Colin: Oh yeah we’re you born?
Damian: 2004.
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Talia: *Trying to hype up her son after Ras yells at him for not choosing to be his successor again* If your name is junior and you’re really handsome come on raise your hands 🙌 🎵🎶🎵🎶
Damian:… *grins and raises*
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Dick: *in princess pajamas*Hey *munch munch* 😏I want to be ✨Famous✨
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Alfred: Stop before I take away your toys.
Tim: *crying*
Alfred: Imma take away your wifi.
Tim: *silence*
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Bruce: YOU GONNA WORK HARD?
Duke: Sir Yessir!
Bruce: YOU GONNA BE COMMITTED?
Duke: Sir Yessir!
Bruce: Than jump down that hole.
Duke: *rubbing his shoes, a gift from Cassandra and bites his lip* I dunno captain I just got these J’s they fresh out the box 📦 👟
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Kate: Hey I’m lesbian 🏳️🌈
Cassandra: I thought you were American 🇺🇸 ❓
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Duke: we’re getting pulled over!
Jason: Quick! Put these on *pulls out Camo suits*
Jim: license and regi- what the 😨 Nobodies here ⁉️⁉️⁉️
Jason and Duke: *opens doors and dances out*
Jim: Who opened the- DEVIL CAR 😱 DEVIL CAR 😭
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Daily occurrences Gotham Citizens go through part 2
(HOSTAGE BY PEOPLE YOU KNOW)
Citizen 1: *tied above a boiler with everyone else* I hate Mondays.
Citizen 2: It’s f*cking Wednesday!
Thug: Hey! Quiet down over there!
Citizen 2:I know that voice..JERRY?!
Jerry:…happy hump day?
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(VILLAIN INTERACTIONS AT WORK)
Citizen 2: What can I get for you today?
Riddler: Hm.. something often a necessity to some, a treasure to many.
Citizen 2: huh?
Riddler: Best enjoyed around company of plenty. Some like me hot, some like me cold-
Citizen 2: Sir-
Riddler:some prefer me mild, some like me-
Citizen 2: A coffee.
Riddler: HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
Citizen 2: …This is a Starbucks.
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(CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS)
Citizen 1: Oh sh*t look it’s Vicki Vale!
Citizen 3: Oh sh*t, look, I don’t care 😀
Citizen 4: She’s dangling off a building!
Citizen 3: Shocker there.
Citizen 4: Why are you like this?
Citizen 3: B*tch gets caught dangling 3 times a week off of something. This is a Tuesday for her. I’m busy tinder swiping.
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(COPS NOT GIVING AF)
Selina: *slowly puts jewelry in her coat pocket*
Citizen 4: *makes eye contact*
Selina:… Listen doll-
Citizen 4: Just go.
Selina: You saw nothing.
Citizen 4: Oh I saw. I just don’t get paid enough to care… also the diamonds fake-
Selina: EBay doesn’t know that.
Citizen 4: Fair enough.
#batfamily#batman#batfam#dc comics#dc universe#bruce wayne#dc robin#damian wayne#richard grayson#tim drake#jason todd#citizens of gotham#gotham#gothamite#the batman
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Batfam Covid series part 1
I figured out how to turn off autocorrect so it types ‘Selina’ and not ‘Selena’ woohoo! Progress! Multiple parts, all longer than usual.
Damian: Why is it everyone has to be within the same household?
Dick: Because it’s quarantine. Meaning you isolate with people you’ve been in contact with already that could have the disease.
Jason: I mean, I’ve gotta agree, this seems a bit blown out of proportion. The symptoms aren’t reading.
Tim: I think it’s more of the spread that’s of concern and those with preexisting health conditions being affected more than anything else-
Bruce: *throws tiny robots on the ground that latches to everyone’s ankles* There.
Jason: HEY! You said I wouldn’t be under house arrest again if I didn’t blow shit up (on purpose) or cause a full body cast for at least 3 weeks!
Bruce: This isn’t house arrest, this is insurance that none of you try to leave and put others at risk of infection.
Damian: That is absurd!
Dick: I gotta say, this feels a little extreme, Bruce.
Tim: Yeah, no. *takes it off*
Jason: How the f*ck?!
Tim: I’m gonna go stay at my boyfriend’s.
Bruce: The last thing you are doing is leaving this house, Tim. Like you said- it’s a major concern for those of preexisting health conditions.
Selina: I helped Alfred switch your and Damian’s old bedrooms so you are a bit more isolated-
Damian: Excuse me?! I don’t want to sleep near Helena’s room. She continues to make sounds.
Bruce: You don’t have a choice. In fact, none of you do. Not until everyone is tested- including anyone you’ve been around the last 12 days.
Dick: So no Kori?
Bruce: Has she been tested?
Dick: I mean she’s been on another planet with Mari for, like, 6 months soooo
Bruce: they’re fine to stay.
Damian: Can John come over?
Bruce: I don’t even let him over when there isn’t a pandemic.
Jason: Can’t I just be under house arrest at a safe house? I don’t care to self isolate- just let me grab a few books and I’m good for dayyys.
Bruce: Absolutely not.
Tim: Ok than let Bernard come over?
Bruce: No.
Tim: But what if he tests.
Bruce: I don’t like that boy being in my house.
Tim: Oh come on. He only broke,like, two or three things in the cave.
Jason: Didn’t that somehow include the giant penny?
Damian: and the window to the Batmobile.
Dick: *sighs* The chair to the batcomputer has squeaked ever since he left that night.
Bruce: My cape.
Alfred: He was rather harsh on the grappling hooks as well, Master Drake-
Tim: I said I loved a man, not a smart one-
Bruce: No Bernard.
Tim: oh come on! Dick gets to bring Kori!
Dick: and my kid.
Tim: Oh come on you barely see her but three times a year.
Dick: I’ve known her seven months and she’s been gone six for some Tamaranian ritual or something humans can’t be at!
Selina: Will all of you stop shouting. If my baby wakes up, I will find a way to make all of you pay.
Bruce: The only person with a second option on where they’re staying is Damian-
Jason: Bull shit!-
Bruce: Talia has asked he go back to the league’s temple since COVID hasn’t likely breeched them yet.
Damian: Can I bring my children?
Bruce: Only the dog.
Damian: than no.
Bruce: you’ll have to take that up with your mother.
Damian: I’ll make this much clear- I would sacrifice each of you individually for the sake of my children-
Tim: you mean your pets?
Damian: they are family in this house, Drake. I can’t say the same for you.
Tim: You really don’t expect me to live next to this brat for literal months, right? He’ll kill me by the end of the week! I’m much safer at my place.
Bruce: As of right now this is all of our place. Stop bickering and get used to the idea of being under the same roof for a while.
Cassandra: It could be fun! We can even have a family dinner after we’re all tested.
Damian: oh joy. Sharing food with the nuisance Drake and the pig that is Todd. Fantastic.
Jason: Don’t you have a mommy to call?
Damian: Don’t you have a casket to sleep in!
Jason: Oh f*ck you!
Bruce: now boys-
Tim: Is this seriously how you expect me to live?!
Cassandra: we can make breakfast for dinner and by then maybe the weather will be nice enough to open windows and set up candles-
Jason: you think you have it bad?! I’m surrounded by the same people who-
Damian: I better not have to sit at that dinner by Drake, Cain, or so help me god-
Bruce: enough!
Tim: For my own safety please god do not do that cass-
Jason: I don’t see why you’re complaining when I’m the one who has to-
Bruce: *louder* enough
Tim: I have a right to feel however I want!
Damian: If that is the case, I feel you should all be disowned-
Dick: why are we all arguing again?!
Damian/Tim/Jason/Bruce: SHUT UP, DICK/GRAYSON
Dick:… what did I do? 🥺
Helena: *screaming from upstairs*
Selina:…
Bruce:…
Everyone:…
Bruce:…we’ll take this outside.
Selina: That would be great, thank you.
#batfamily#batman#batfam#dc comics#dc universe#bruce wayne#dc robin#damian wayne#richard grayson#tim drake#selina kyle#bruce x selina#helena wayne
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Daily Occurrences Gotham Citizens go through part 1
(WITNESSING VIOLENCE AMONGST HEROES)
Citizen 2: …Is the little Robin chocking Red Robin with his own cape up there?
Citizen 1: *not looking up from his phone* Just wait for Nightwing to break them up.
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(HERO INSURANCE COVERAGE)
Citizen 3: What the hell do you mean my insurance doesn’t cover damages by the red hood- I got the full “hero collateral damage” package… What the f*ck do you mean Anti-heroes don’t count- THE WORD HERO IS RIGHT THERE!!!
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(DATING CRIMINALS)
Citizen 2: Could you come pick me up?
Citizen 4: Is everything ok?
Citizen 2: Date got arrested.
Citizen 4: It happens to the best of us. Be there soon.
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(DISCOVERING A NEW WAYNE)
Citizen 3: Who the f*ck is Jason Todd and why is he fighting Bruce Wayne on Twitter.
Citizen 1: Witness protection program guy, adopted son of his, tends to drop off the radar a lot.
Citizen 2: His feed is fire tho.
Citizen 1: Oh absolutely. Dude hit thousands of follows in a week after getting posted on that weird ‘hot guys reading’ Instagram.
Citizen 4: Didn’t he also go viral over a Colleen Hoover argument?
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(ALMOST GETTING MUGGED)
Thief: Give me your purse or I’ll-
Citizen 3: *keeps walking*
Thief: Hey! I’m talking to you-
Citizen 3: I work for Ace Chemicals.
Thief:… do you need money? A warm meal?
Citizen 3: A sleep-aid would be nice.
Thief: Fair enough.
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(LOSING JOBS)
Citizen 1: I’m off to the bank!
Citizen 4: Be sure to grab your bullet proof vest on the way out!
Citizen 3: I’m going to work.
Citizen 3: *answers phone, rolls eyes* Nevermind. Blew up again.
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(SEES OLD FRIENDS- MEETS NEW FELONS)
Citizen 2: So, jerry, I heard you’re a business man now. Where at?
Jerry: I mean I wouldn’t say I’m a business man, I do wear a nice suit and walk around a type of office tho!
Citizen 2:… oh, Jerry-
Jerry: Black Mask has the BEST health insurance policy.
Citizen 3: At least he’s not working for the clown. Then again, I hear his dental insurance is fantastic.
Citizen 2: *head in hands* Jerry..
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#batfamily#batman#batfam#dc comics#dc universe#dc robin#tim drake#damian wayne#richard grayson#bruce wayne#citizens of gotham#gotham#the batman#dcu
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Batfam as Tiktok audios/Vines part 1
Inspired by my response to the very true words of @daminette-56 on the jealous issues of one Selena Kyle over a certain Wayne.
Also it keeps autocorrecting Selena’s name for some unexplainable reason so it’s an ‘e’ for now and not Sel.ina.
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Bruce: You know, you’re the most jealous woman I know.
Selena: You know other women? 😡
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Dick: You ever wanna talk about your emotions TM?
Jason: No🤷
Tim: I do!😁
Dick: I know David😑
Tim: I’m sad 😞
Dick: I know David😑
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Dick: Let me see what you have 🤨
Damian: A KNIFE😃🔪
Dick: NO😯🏃♀️
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Jason: All women *pulls out lightsaber* are 👸🏻✨queens✨👸🏻
Kate: *pulls out saber* If she’s breathes 💨She’s a THOTTTT💥
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Alfred: *After dealing with children all day* Two shots of vodka 😁💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧
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Stephanie: *screams*
Duke: AH! Stop! I coulda dropped my croissant 😡
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Dick: *random backflip* 🤸🏻♂️ I’VE BEEN DREAMING OF A 💕💋TRUE LOVES KISS💋💕
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Bruce: You know what you’re in time out😠 Get on the fridge! Get up there!
Jason: This house is a F*CKING NIGHTMARE! 🧗
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Damian: *stares at his father for the first time*
Bruce: 😅Uhm…
Talia: 🤨
Bruce:…… Wanna beer?🍺
Talia: HE’S FOUR!🤬
Bruce: I DON’T KNOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM?!
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Bernard: OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!
Tim: what is it?
Bernard: 💋
Tim:… 🧑⚖️OVERRULED.
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Duke: 🎤SHE’S A BEAST 😤 I CALL HER MAMA😊💕
Dick:…that’s not the words.
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Selena: I saw you hangin’ out with Kaitlin yesterday-
Bruce: 😮Rebecca! It’s not what you think 😰
Selena: I won’t hesitate b*tch 💥🔫
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Damian: I just miss the 90s.
Colin: Oh yeah we’re you born?
Damian: 2004.
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Talia: *Trying to hype up her son after Ras yells at him for not choosing to be his successor again* If your name is junior and you’re really handsome come on raise your hands 🙌 🎵🎶🎵🎶
Damian:… *grins and raises*
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Dick: *in princess pajamas*Hey *munch munch* 😏I want to be ✨Famous✨
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Alfred: Stop before I take away your toys.
Tim: *crying*
Alfred: Imma take away your wifi.
Tim: *silence*
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Bruce: YOU GONNA WORK HARD?
Duke: Sir Yessir!
Bruce: YOU GONNA BE COMMITTED?
Duke: Sir Yessir!
Bruce: Than jump down that hole.
Duke: *rubbing his shoes, a gift from Cassandra and bites his lip* I dunno captain I just got these J’s they fresh out the box 📦 👟
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Kate: Hey I’m lesbian 🏳️🌈
Cassandra: I thought you were American 🇺🇸 ❓
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Duke: we’re getting pulled over!
Jason: Quick! Put these on *pulls out Camo suits*
Jim: license and regi- what the 😨 Nobodies here ⁉️⁉️⁉️
Jason and Duke: *opens doors and dances out*
Jim: Who opened the- DEVIL CAR 😱 DEVIL CAR 😭
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#batfamily#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc robin#dc universe#richard grayson#damian wayne#tim drake#jason todd#duke thomas#stephanie brown#alfred pennyworth#vines#tiktok#comedy
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If Jason had stayed with the League long enough to know about Damian:
Damian: I have a project due on my life and need to know the timeline we all met, so that I can try and make it sound as normal as possible.
Dick: Ok, well, I met you about the same time as Bruce.
Tim: I don’t remember much before you tried to murder m-
Jason: Your birth, idiot.
Tim: Are you confused?
Damian: No he’s in the background of one of my baby pictures I can see if mother will send it to me.
Dick: JASON THAT WAS MONTHS BEFORE WE KNEW YOU WERE BACK!!!
Tim: You’re telling me you knew Bruce had a son with an A-list villain and told nobody?
Jason:… In my defense-
Dick: WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK?!
Jason:- I didn’t wanna tell until we 100% knew Bruce was the father.
Dick: Who the hell else could it have been???
Jason:……
Tim: OH MY F-
Damian: NO ONE TELL FATHER!!
(I’m posting a lot since I’m stuck in the hospital atm)
#batfamily#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc robin#dc universe#damian wayne#tim drake#richard grayson#jason todd#talia al ghul
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Citizen: Whose the most effective hero and why?
Citizen 4: Batman, obviously. His impact lead to our other heroes!
Citizen 2: Probably Batman.
Citizen 3: Red hood.
Citizen 2: They asked the most effective, not the most violent.
Citizen 3: I appreciate Batman and all but he doesn’t exactly come up with permanent solutions to the crime here.
Citizen 1: What and red hood does?
Citizen 3: Black friends with Jack, red and your dead. If Batman runs at me I’m walking away with broken bones and some time… but if I see a red mask and combat boots chasing me I’m done. Dead…
Citizen 2:….
Citizen 1:….
Citizen 3: That or my legs are spread. Either or 🤷🏼♀️
Citizen 4: I saw that one coming.
#batfamily#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc robin#dc universe#red hood#jason todd#citizens of gotham#the batman#dcu
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So one of my skits is going to feature the Batfam during the pandemic
It was going to feature someone trying to break out of the manor but then I realized…There’s Tim Drake…
The world is under quarantine…
And he has no spleen….
Bro is freaking out meanwhile Damian pretends to cough anytime he sees him walk by and Bernard tries to sneak in but Jason goes nuts on him for trying to ‘get down with the sickness’.
Stephanie is texting him from her apartment while Dick freaks out and starts disinfecting… everything…
Alfred is old so Bruce basically screams at everyone to do their own shit and walk the opposite direction of the man if they haven’t gotten tested yet.
Talia starts arguing with Bruce that Damian would be safer from COVID if he stayed with her in the mountains and the only reason Damian won’t leave is because she won’t let him bring all however many of his animals.
Selena turns into an alcoholic in the basement and gets mad at Bruce for talking to the mother of his youngest son but then remembers she can get drinks and never full signed the prenup so it’s fine.
Meanwhile Jason contemplates if he rather have the disease or spend another day in this house with these people.
#batfamily#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc robin#dc universe#richard grayson#damian wayne#tim drake#covid19#pandemic#jason todd#dcu#red hood#stephanie brown#talia al ghul#comedy#dick grayson#gotham#red robin
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Oh 100%
Selena is like that TikTok audio that goes;
“YoU kNoW OTheR WOmEn?!”
Talia wants visitation rights part 3:
(Texting)
Talia: Damian pack up your bags you’re coming to live with mother soon.
??: Pardon me?
Talia: Just get ready to move by this next month.
??: 1- wrong number. Bitch.
??: 2- Stay the hell away from my stepson.
Talia: You aren’t Damian?
??: Hell no I am not Damian, but I am about to become your worst nightmare.
??: Guaranteed.
Talia: Jealousy is rather ugly on you, Selena.
Selena: What are you even talking about?
Talia: Your jealous I had him first.
Selena:…Damian? You’re making even less sense than usual.
Talia: Bruce! You just can’t let it go I had him first, can you? That I gave him a son.
Selena: Bitch I’m not trying to give him another child he has almost 12 already and don’t get me started on how Damian was conceived. You aren’t ready for that one yet.
Talia: Oh really?
Selena: No seriously.
Talia: *typing* . . .
Selena: I’d seriously think about that if I were you.
Read part 4.
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See had this been explained I’d understand and would have even clarified within my own post that it wasn’t the dynamic I was shooting for and because of that I do appreciate you telling me and explaining why people may think that way.
However I still refuse to be called a racist when I have a best friend who actually has been subject to racially motivated crimes.
There was no racial thought behind my actions. If the original person who shared this and claimed I was being a ‘racist’ had explained this, maybe I could have had a civil discussion with them and they’d known my intentions were pure. Maybe I would’ve added that disclaimer to my post sooner.
Instead I was attacked by an anonymous user who called me a dirty mouth racist and after all the shit I’ve watched people put people I care about through i won’t say that’s ok.
Talia wants visitation rights to part 4
(Texting)
Talia: What do you mean how my son was conceived?
Selena: Oh sweetie you can’t be THAT stupid.
Selena: Please God tell me you are not ignorant enough to think any of that was consensual.
Talia:…
Talia: That is none of your business.
Selena: How the hell is it not my business when you basically assaulted my husband?
Talia: I just don’t think your opinion is necessary.
Selena: I warned you-
Talia: What could you possibly do to hurt me? I am Talia Al Ghul. Leader of the league of assassins. My father was the head of the Demon and
Selena: Since you apparently love a long ass introduction allow me to write one for you-
Selena: “My name is Talia Al Ghul and I am a Daddies girl who used a pit full of life reviving chemicals as a f*cking hottub as a teenager. Making me crazier than I already was,”
Selena: “,My mommy never loved me so hyper-fixated on babying my own son until I got tired of him decided to make a bunch of clones to spice things up a bit,”
Selena: “,Then I sent him to live with his biological father who resents me because I tried to force him to love me back through a string of drugs and violence,”
Selena: “,This then leading to a lot of emotional baggage for his future and the woman he actually does love.”
Talia:…
Selena: A little short I know but much more realistic than what you were saying.
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So it seems I’m somehow a racist for this skit but before I end that load of bull 💩 I would like to give credit and recognize that, yes, this is the OG story line.
However, as many others on this platform, I don’t always go by the original stories- but separate universes with different canonical versions of events.


This is one of the versions of Damian’s conception I was referring to. I will also make other posts which feature the other versions of this event and others.
Now let’s get back to my #1 problem here: That I am apparently putting Selena on a pedestal (which I actually hate various different versions of Selena Kyle, as I ask Talia, and even Bruce) and worst of all am racist for my post…
1, I never mentioned her race.
2, Am I really the problem if you read this post and immediately think to yourself “she’s not white and that’s why she assaulted him is what they’re saying.” Because in no way was that insinuated and instead of taking this as a FICTIONAL skit based on the actions of FICTIONAL characters, you immediately thought of the character’s race as the glaring subject of a situation which is was not involved.
If you immediately connect assault to being black, brown, red, orange, blue, purple- I think you’re the racist and that’s all I’ll be saying on this topic.
God bless.
Talia wants visitation rights to part 4
(Texting)
Talia: What do you mean how my son was conceived?
Selena: Oh sweetie you can’t be THAT stupid.
Selena: Please God tell me you are not ignorant enough to think any of that was consensual.
Talia:…
Talia: That is none of your business.
Selena: How the hell is it not my business when you basically assaulted my husband?
Talia: I just don’t think your opinion is necessary.
Selena: I warned you-
Talia: What could you possibly do to hurt me? I am Talia Al Ghul. Leader of the league of assassins. My father was the head of the Demon and
Selena: Since you apparently love a long ass introduction allow me to write one for you-
Selena: “My name is Talia Al Ghul and I am a Daddies girl who used a pit full of life reviving chemicals as a f*cking hottub as a teenager. Making me crazier than I already was,”
Selena: “,My mommy never loved me so hyper-fixated on babying my own son until I got tired of him decided to make a bunch of clones to spice things up a bit,”
Selena: “,Then I sent him to live with his biological father who resents me because I tried to force him to love me back through a string of drugs and violence,”
Selena: “,This then leading to a lot of emotional baggage for his future and the woman he actually does love.”
Talia:…
Selena: A little short I know but much more realistic than what you were saying.
#batfamily#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc robin#dc universe#damian wayne#talia al ghul#youareracist#sit down#stupid
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Talia wants visitation rights to part 4
Disclaimer: My post was NOT made with the intent of shaming/attacking other races and cultures. This is purely a comedy skit based on one of the many versions of Damian’s conception. It is not meant to offend nor shame anyone. I use multiple different versions of different events to come up with various skits normally comedy-centered and hadn’t known people would assume that the assault aspect of this event was in relation to the race of the character. Forgive if this previously came off otherwise and thank you to those kind enough to point this out to me in a civil, kind manor upon my confusion and defensiveness.
(Texting)
Talia: What do you mean how my son was conceived?
Selena: Oh sweetie you can’t be THAT stupid.
Selena: Please God tell me you are not ignorant enough to think any of that was consensual.
Talia:…
Talia: That is none of your business.
Selena: How the hell is it not my business when you basically assaulted my husband?
Talia: I just don’t think your opinion is necessary.
Selena: I warned you-
Talia: What could you possibly do to hurt me? I am Talia Al Ghul. Leader of the league of assassins. My father was the head of the Demon and
Selena: Since you apparently love a long ass introduction allow me to write one for you-
Selena: “My name is Talia Al Ghul and I am a Daddies girl who used a pit full of life reviving chemicals as a f*cking hottub as a teenager. Making me crazier than I already was,”
Selena: “,My mommy never loved me so hyper-fixated on babying my own son until I got tired of him decided to make a bunch of clones to spice things up a bit,”
Selena: “,Then I sent him to live with his biological father who resents me because I tried to force him to love me back through a string of drugs and violence,”
Selena: “,This then leading to a lot of emotional baggage for his future and the woman he actually does love.”
Talia:…
Selena: A little short I know but much more realistic than what you were saying.
#batfamily#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc robin#dc universe#richard grayson#damian wayne#tim drake#selena kyle#talia al ghul#dcu#skits#part 4#trigger warning#assaulttriggers
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