#// but i need to stop treating it like a job and more a hobby again

[goddessrisen]

good morning pookies and happy friday. i’ve been feeling a bit blah about my writing && my place in the community. so i’m thinking about taking a break from hyeon. just a mini one, enough that i come back from this burnout. i honestly might work on raph’s blog during my mini break… anyways, as always, i’m down to plot or do mini things on discord, so moots feel free to add me there. discord under the cut!

[ryker-writes]

If my last thought of my was too dark… this is nicer I promise 🙏.

Leona with younger sibling who’s treated similar to him. They also are told the same things… how they should be like the first born. But Leona noticed it. So he decided they should have someone to always be there. For anything they did he congratulated them. So you got 90 out of 100? That’s still great, good job kid. You want to try *insert new interest/hobby*? Go for it! If they need someone to talk to… he may not be the best at comforting but he’ll listen. Because of that he was there number 1, just like they were his and that’s all that mattered.

~💜~

Of course my darling 💜 anon! It's so rare that I get nice sibling relationship requests. I love this thank you for requesting it <3

Request rules and Masterlists

Leona as a sibling (Supportive relationship)

most would think that being a part of the Kingscholar family meant you got the best of everything

while that was partly true, it was also very wrong

when it came to most things, Falena got the best while you and Leona got whatever was left

since Leona was older than you, he always got first pick on whatever was left

but most times he didn't care and just let you have it or split it between the two of you

that was just the way things were

the oldest always got the most attention and the most love

Leona tried to avoid Falena as much as he could, so when you would spend time with the oldest, it would just be you two

Falena always tried to make sure the two of you had fun

he would always want to play together or show you a new game he learned about

he was teaching you about a game involving a bunch of chalk squares on the ground

basically you have to get through the squares, sometimes hopping on one foot, without falling

Falena gave you a nice and flawless demonstration before giving you your turn

the first few squares were fine

but then you got to two single squares in a row

once you reached the second square, you lost your balance and fell down

your knees roughly scraped against the ground and would surely start bleeding in a few moments

from behind you, you could hear some of the servants quietly snickering

they were whispering to each other about how clumsy you were compared to how perfectly Falena did it

Falena came running over to you to check on you, and you didn't want to play anymore

that was only the first time you noticed it happen

you started to notice it more after that

while walking through the halls you would hear servants comparing you and Leona to Falena

saying you guys weren't as smart or strong and you guys didn't carry the insanely friendly and cheerful energy

they would talk a lot about how they wished you were like Falena

because that would make you easier to deal with

and when it came to anything involving Falena, they would cheer him on, and only him

you understood why Leona avoided hanging out with Falena

of course, it wasn't Falena's fault he was born first

but that didn't stop the jealous feeling that built up inside you

one time, you were walking with Leona when you heard them talking about you again

you were trying not to react but you couldn't stop the frown

and when Leona turned to look at you, you avoided his gaze

he must've heard it too

one of his ears twitched as they continued talking

then Leona grabbed your arm and started dragging you away

little did you know, Leona had made a decision in his mind

you two were being treated the same, and no one was there to support either of you

so, he would be your support

if no one else did, then he would

Leona started to hang out with you more and play games with you like Falena did

but this time, things were better

whenever the servants would compare you two, Leona would end up losing or messing up somehow

not every time of course

he was trying to prove that neither of you was better than the other

and in return, you supported him

this system followed you two into Night Raven College

so even though you weren't being compared to Falena, you still supported each other in everything

no matter what score you got on your assignments, as long as it passed he was proud of you and congratulating you

you need help? not a problem he can help

he's proud of you for even being able to ask for help

if you ever need to talk about something or he even senses you're having a rough time, he's there

first he simply asks you what's wrong and he'll try to help any way he can

if you refuse to answer, he just silently stays by you and follows you around

he's pretty good and being able to tell what's wrong with little clues so he may find out eventually and try to help

generally he's willing to support anything you do

you've taken an interest in any specific club? he's going to encourage you to try it and may even introduce you to some of the club members

even if it's Malleus' gargoyle studies club

he'll still support you and encourage you to try it

but internally he wishes you had picked anything else

speaking of Malleus

while you two aren't being compared to Falena anymore, Leona would sometimes be compared to Malleus

and it's in these scenarios that you can really support him

so when he has Spelldrive games, you'll be there cheering him on from the crowd

he really appreciates it when you do especially if he's facing off against Malleus

if you want to become friends with Malleus...

he will still support you and reluctantly encourage you to try

even though Leona has a hatred for the guy, he's not going to let that get in the way of supporting you

it's safe to say that you were closer with Leona than you were with Falena

so while Falena may have been born first, Leona was your #1 brother

[leggerefiore]

I've been forced to push myself too much at work and now I'm sick and exhausted 😩 can I request the dead inside trio and submas comforting a sick/overworked s/o??

I struggled a lot with this one so it's probably not my best

cw: stress, comfort, mentions of fainting in some parts

character: Ingo, Emmet, Nanu, Cyrus, Larry

▲Ingo▼

● His immediate thought is to scold you after you basically collapsed from overwork. As your emergency contact, he was naturally the one they called when it occurred. When you declared yourself fine, if not just a bit tired, he helped get you back home to rest. Your work had so kindly given you a few days off work to recuperate, seemingly horrified at the thought they were quite literally working you ragged. So, as you lay in bed at home, Ingo also took opted to take a few days off to help you relax, too. His worrying would have made doing his normal work next to impossible, he knew. Emmet was more than happy to give him the time, anyway, knowing how badly he often overworked himself, too. It may have felt a bit hypocritical when Ingo chided you for letting yourself be worked like that, but it was a sign of his genuine care. He was in an absolute panic when he got the call about your collapse and could not have gotten off the battle line any sooner.

● Ingo will make you rest. There will be no chores or anything done until you had at least a day or two of unwinding. At best, you can convince him to help him as he handles the chores. At worst, he chases you away from even something as simple as folding towels. He does not want you to further exhaust yourself – The image of you suddenly collapsing now burned into his mind. Why your work thought it was okay to treat you like this until the very extremes was beyond him. He certainly would never do that to his employees. That could endanger the lives of so many for little return. He bites his lip as he knows you will not want the offer to work under him. It was wrong for him to consider nepotism there, even when it came from genuine concern for you.

● Instead, he focuses that energy into doting on you. Ingo dutifully makes many dishes that you like simply so you keep up with meals, worries that it may have also been a factor in some way. Any hobbies you have are also brought up and engaged if it suits you. He also spends plenty of time just cuddled up with you and reminding you how much he does truly love you. Part of his behaviour is like an overbearing mother. This has shocked him horribly, and he now completely understands how you feel when he overworks himself. Internally, he makes a promise to never do that to himself again if you feel this horrible concern as he does. In the end, you will feel well rested and stress-free. Ingo works tirelessly to make it so. You both make a promise to not let the other do that to themself any more.

▽Emmet△

○ The younger twin notices the telltale signs of your behaviour and feels a mild annoyance. Nothing really bad, just a thought that you and Ingo were acting for too similarly for his liking. He is certain to stop you before it becomes bad. A bright smile on his lips as he tells you to demand time off work. He feels you need at least a day to gather yourself, but he knows more would be better here. No matter what, he would panic if you got worse. Emmet is bad at expressing his worry, and he may just actually go into your job, ask for you, pick you up, and carry you away. He is just impossibly worried. Ingo is bad enough… The thought of you in such a state is enough to make him start being more aggressive in his battles. When you finally do get that time off, he finally eases him up on people to a point where it is noticeable and debated among Depot Agents.

○ Emmet instantly takes off time alongside you. He is so worried about you and wants to make sure that you actually relax on your time off. His mind thinks about a time he forced Ingo to take a day off and came home to find him having cleaned their shared apartment. He does not want something similar to occur here. Any household chores and needs can be handled by him. He will not pretend like he enjoys doing them particularly, but making sure that you are resting his highest priority. There is something oddly endearing about the younger twin dutifully washing dishes while you lay out on the couch cuddling with his Galvantula (who he asked to keep you busy). Seeing you unwind makes him feel immense relief, truthfully. The poor man was nearly really about to physically drag you from your work to make you relax.

○ He gets take out from any place you want in an attempt to make sure you are getting proper meals and not having to stress yourself with even minor cooking. He internally knows he is being a bit ridiculous there, but he has scared himself too much. His cooking skills are lacking, and he is a bit terrified of somehow accidentally poisoning you. Joltik cuddle time is assured also. He figures the little bugs have some energy to spare with you, and time spent with some cute things might reinvigorate your exhausted mind. Emmet cuddle time happens as well. He is almost constantly all over you since he is just so worried. There will be no escaping his affection. (Unless you tell him you cannot relax with him clinging to you. In which he will pout but relent.) You have to promise him that you will not let this happen so badly again. You and Ingo will make him “was Emmet” instead at this rate.

🐈‍⬛️Nanu❤️‍🩹

🌑 He notices when you start overworking yourself and throws out a helpful remark about not doing that. Nanu knows there is not a lot you can really do – especially if it's work making you like this. At best, he can tell you about standing your ground, but he knows boundaries will not always be respected. He does feel a bit frustrated seeing you like that despite it all. His indifferent facade melts away, especially after you end up having bad exhaustion spells. It is then that he helps you schedule time off since you clearly need it. He has seen some people collapse from exhaustion back in his International Police days, so he refuses to let you get to that point. And, admittedly, he used to be guilty of overworking, too. Obviously, not these days, but he still remembers.

🌑 Your time off is spent strictly away from anything that might be too much. Nanu cannot really stop you, in truth, should you want to, though. Mostly, he just asks that you let yourself relax and forget about any obligations for at least a day if they are not overly important. It is hard to deny the old man such a request. Besides, his Meowths are clearly ready to lounge around with you. How could you say no to some lazy times with the kitties? You really cannot decline when one opts to curl up on your lap and sleeps so peacefully while purring. (Nanu sent them after you, wanting to make sure you had a little time off your feet.) The Kahuna opts to handle a few things around the home to keep them off your mind, too. There is something a little sweet about catching the old man folding laundry and glancing at you reading on the couch.

🌑 He also goes out of his way to subtly do numerous things for you to help you recover. Casually, he will pick up takeout for you to eat or even try to bravely cook you something of edible quality. There is something nice about simply sharing a meal with you and helping you relax. Usually, you end up lounging out on the couch, watching some show half-heartedly. His arm rests around your shoulder as he pulls you close to him. Red eyes drift, to you leaning against him, and a sigh leaves him. He was ready to do everything you wanted, honestly. You could ask him to juggle, and after his initial deadpan, he may just try. You agree to be more careful next time in the end, seeing how genuinely concerned that Kahuna was for you.

🌌Cyrus🛰

☄️ He fails to notice at first – Something that will bother him immensely for far longer than he will ever admit. The blue-haired man usually does keep a close eye on you, as he is distantly aware that he worries about you far too much. Yet here, where he felt it most important, he had failed. You had fainted at work from sheer exhaustion, and he had been called as your emergency contact. Mortification was the only thing he could feel while rushing over to get you. Whatever harsh words that he used to hit your workplace with about being so negligent were swallowed as he instead confirmed that you were otherwise alright. Thankfully, they gave you a few days off in response to such a grievous situation. Or, perhaps, it was due to Cyrus's terrifying expression as he helped you up.

☄️ Whatever hypocritical nature may be present as he scolds you about taking adequate breaks and pacing yourself with work completely goes over his head. Even attempting to bring it up will make him insist that it is different from what he is doing. (In a sense, it is.) He also bars you from doing any housework. Cyrus has no reservations about doing them anyway— It is almost relaxing to him in a way. (Once again, chiding him back for overworking will not lead to realisation.) There is even an offer to book you some kind of spa or massage appointment to help you further relax. He would admit to having gone to a few himself during more light moments of stress. Cyrus would take off the day following you passing out, but not really anymore. Though, he does check in on you throughout the day. If you do take the spa offer, however, he may join you. Free Cyrus date at the cost of your mental and physical health.

☄️ Most of his real effort is far subtler. He is not inexperienced in cooking and will take over that while you recover. Most of the meals are more basic, but there is a surprise attempt at making something he knows that you like. It is not half bad. He also seems to come home more regularly, wanting to make sure that everything is going well and that your condition is not worsening. This means more time to spend with him. While he usually opts to focus on home upkeep, if you ask for some physical affection, he will relent to it. Your comfort matters most to him as it stands. He honestly is willing to do many things he otherwise would refuse normally simply to make you happy. (If he was even in the middle of his plans, he might be willing to drop them if it seems like they would stress you out even more.) In the end, you do make the decision not to overwork yourself because Cyrus obvious worry is a rare thing, and it made it clear that what you were doing was too much.

💼Larry🏢

🍙 He does not notice. There is a large amount of shame in failing to notice this happening, yet his work simply keeps him too tired to really give anything his full attention. Sure, he had seen the signs, but he had thought it was mostly him projecting. Then, you suddenly had intense fatigue at work and had to call him to come pick you up. He was mortified when he recognised you symptoms as so familiar to him. This was a common thing he experienced, admittedly. Walking you home, he asked you to schedule a few days off if possible. He knew it was a lead into a fainting episode or extreme burnout. Both of which he thought were best to avoid. He knew how difficult management could be, but he was far too worried about you. There was some relief that it got approved quickly soon after.

🍙 He struggles to really know what to do to relax. Whenever he gets himself into such a state, he usually sleeps for a few days until he has to return to work. Whether you wanted to do that or not was beyond him, but he does mention it. There is some mention of how to better manage a workload between you both, but it is a struggle for him, too. How you kept going on so long like that was truly not within his range of comprehension. Larry opts to aid you by covering house chores and doing other various things for you. He could not get any time off to join you himself, but he works to avoid overtime, so you have him around more. His Staraptor seems to decide to keep an eye on you, too, when he is home. The bird cawing whenever you tried to do anything more intense than putting dishes in a dishwasher. It seemed that if it could not stop its trainer from stressing himself, it would stop you.

🍙 Larry is not only coming home more often, but he tries to be more engaging with you when at home. Casual check-ins on you become more common since he does not want to fail to notice anything going on with again. Lazy affection is also common. You both often end up lounging on the couch together, forgetting whatever woes had been bothering you. He frequently calls ahead before he comes home, too, to ask about what food you want. He is certainly no cook, but he does know the best restaurants in Medali. You will whatever food you desire. Larry does not care if he ends up having to visit Kofu to get it. He also discusses the situations vaguely a bit with you and gives you more experienced advice on how to handle situations at work to make life more bearable. In the end, you return back to work better equipped to advocate for yourself, and be more mindful of your workload. Larry is relieved.

[atimeofyourlife]

Happy New Year

written for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt: new years resolution | rated: g | wc: 460 | tags: minor steddie Steve has an awkward past with new years resolutions, but he found one he wants to keep. To be happy.

Steve didn't know how he felt about new years resolutions. It was something he'd hear his mother do so often. Every year, another list, often the same resolutions as previous years. Get better at cooking, lose weight, exercise more, do more with the women's lunch group, get Richard to stop sleeping with the secretary, stick to the diet, take up more hobbies, stop being treated like a doormat. But most of the time, she failed. Which is why there were so many repeats so often.

And her resolutions setting didn't stop at her. All throughout his childhood, she would make Steve lists of new years resolutions she expected him to stick to. Keep the house tidy, learn how to clean the pool, garden every other week, get better grades, stop partying so much, make the teams, make captain, hit the gym more often, lose the puppy fat, eat healthier, don't eat so much, be more independent, be a better representative of the family.

It was exhausting. But it was a cycle that he couldn't break. His mom always made such a big deal about it, it felt too big of a thing to stop. Like if he didn't make, and at least try to keep new years resolutions, something bad would happen. As if he had cursed himself. So he continued making them. To keep his loved ones safe, to continue to better himself, to be the best person he could be, to graduate, to get a job, to get a better job, to be a better son. Always things for other people, or to improve other people's perceptions of him. Never anything really for himself.

He was learning to be better at doing things for himself, to be kinder to himself. Not just doing things that other people expected of him. For the first time in his life, putting himself first. Letting himself be free, to be who and what he wanted.

As he sat curled up between Robin and Eddie on the couch, watching movies in the down time between Christmas and New Year, he realized just how content he was. Sure, they had one of the shittiest apartments in Indianapolis, but he had his best friend and his boyfriend, he didn't need anything more than that.

"Who has any new years resolutions?" Robin asked out of the blue between movies.

"I want to find a regular gig for the band. We'll take anything, we just want the chance to perform again." Eddie replied. "How about you?"

"I want to learn Latin. And maybe something like German or Chinese." Robin said. "Just any new language."

"What about you Stevie?" Eddie asked after a moment.

Steve thought for a moment before giving his answer. "Just to continue being happy."

[cressidagrey]

New Pursuits - Chapter 1: Painting

Summary:

The shadows decide that Azriel needs a hobby.

5 times when said hobby-related shenanigans didn’t end so well…and the one time where it may end up better than Azriel could ever have imagined.

Warnings:

Rhys bashing

(super pretty dividers thanks to @saradika)

That’s enough, Master.

The shadows didn’t normally talk to Azriel like that. 

Never, to be honest. 

And when they did, then because he took a stupid risk while doing his job. 

They did not talk to him like that when he was curled up in his bed in the House of Wind…at 6 in the evening. 

He could have gone to dinner with the rest of the Inner Circle. 

He hadn’t wanted to. 

Azriel was licking his wounds. 

About that solstice, about Morrigan and Elain…About Rhysand and about his own fucking feelings…and about everything that had ever gone wrong in his life because why not?

What’s enough? He asked, listlessly. He could do without them badgering him. Seemingly everybody was badgering him. Cassian tried to talk to him about his feelings, Rhysand was glaring at him at any opportunity, waiting for him to say something…Even when he wasn’t.

Azriel wasn’t going to say anything. Or do anything.

It wouldn’t result in anything and…Azriel was tired. 

Azriel was so fucking tired. 

Your moping, Master. It’s enough, the shadows hissed. Either you do something against how the High Lord is treating you or stop moping. 

It probably shouldn’t amuse him as much as it did. 

What do you want me to do? You heard him , he shot back nonetheless. Gods, this was how it ended, wasn’t it? Him having a conversation with his shadows that question his life choices. It couldn’t get sadder than that.   What do you want me to do instead? He asked with a sigh. He blinked open his eyes to find a tendril of shadows curled up on his chest like a cat…he reached out to pet it absentmindedly. 

They were there. They were always there. Regardless of what anybody else had tried…they were there. 

It had pissed up the Illyrian commanders during the Blood Rite to no end because there had been no way to level the playing field so to speak. His shadows were there and they were ready to kill if he commanded them so. And he had done that. Often. 

And still…how fucked up was it that the weapons that he had been honed to use… had been the one thing keeping him sane during these long years in his father’s keep? There weren’t many shadowsingers. Most went insane before they ever even reached adulthood. 

But Azriel…Azriel had always…always Azriel loved these shadows. Azriel adored them. Azriel liked being surrounded by them. 

Azriel trusted them implicitly…and they were the one thing in his fucking life nobody could take from him. Or turn against him. 

The one thing that comforted him. 

And he felt like a child again, when these shadows had coached him through fighting ring after fighting ring, over obstacle course over obstacle course…over getting beat down in the mud and getting back up again. 

And now there they were. Coaching him through a fucking heartbreak. 

Either actually sleep or do something fun, Master, they told him immediately. 

Right. 

Fun? Something fun? 

When had he last done something fun? 

He couldn’t even remember. He couldn’t even fucking think about it. 

What’s fun? He asked, not even joking. 

The shadows nearly sighed, the one tendril he was still petting, twitching against his hand. 

Like a hobby. 

A hobby, he repeated incredulously. 

You need a hobby, Master, the shadows decided matter of factly.

I don’t think so. 

Yes, you do. Like…Painting. Like the High Lady does! They snapped right back. She seems much happier than you are!

Yeah, well that probably had nothing to do with the paint and more to do with her mate and her son. But as the shadows couldn’t procure him either…painting it would apparently be. 

You want me to paint? He asked with a sigh. They were going to get their way. He knew that. It didn’t fucking matter what he thought of it. They were going to get him to paint and it was easier if he was just going to give in now. 

We want Master to be happy! We want Master to stop being miserable!

It was sweet. A bunch of shadows cared about how he was feeling. Who could say that? 

Granted most faes had other faes that cared how they were feeling but hey, Azriel was taking what he was getting these days. 

And you think painting is going to help? He asked them, slightly doubtful but…

Well, lying around in the dark won’t.  They quipped. True. 

It wouldn’t. He turned to his side, staring at the wall. 

Painting. 

Quite frankly…Why the fuck not? 

He had spent hours doing far more horrible things that hadn’t made him happy in the slightest. So why not? 

What was the worst that could happen? 

Fine, I’ll buy some painting supplies tomorrow, he agreed. 

Azriel did do that...  He also bought a book about it, because he figured if he already tried his best at painting, maybe some instruction would be helpful.  

He knew himself well enough that he absolutely would fail at actually painting something realistic…like a horse. It would never look like a horse. So why not…get a book about painting that looked more like blobs of colour than anything else. It seemed to take painting in a way more…spiritual sense. 

The book thinks you should paint your soul! The shadows told him excitedly.  

Right. Azriel didn’t buy enough black paint for that. 

Still, he amused the shadows. He unpacked a small canvas on his desk that he had cleaned off…got himself a cup of tea, some brushed…He plucked up the tube filled with black paint, squeezed some on his new paint pallet…dipped a brush into it…

Well. 

Why not? 

And then he smeared that paint all over his canvas. 

It looked horrible. But who cared, right? 

It wasn’t like Azriel ever actually bought many things. He bought presents for solstice and new clothing if he really needed that…and that was it. So if he dropped a few hundreds of gold coins on painting supplies and nothing pretty came out of it…well, he needed to practice first, right? 

Maybe add some colour? The shadows suggested enthusiastically, swirling around him, poking at his paint pallet, and the few colours he had bought, picking up a tube and squeezing a dollop of brilliant blue onto his pallet. 

Why not?

Red and white and blue later…a gorgeous painting was born. 

If the viewer was blind. 

I don’t think I am particularly talented. Shouldn’t a hobby be something I am good at?  He wondered. 

Go to Rita’s when they have karaoke night and you’ll find lots of Faes that aren’t good at singing and still enjoy themselves, the shadows quipped. 

True. 

Maybe he didn’t need to be good at it. Maybe he could just fill canvas after canvas with colour after colour and watch them swirl together…maybe he could just do that. 

Granted he had no idea what he was supposed to do with them if he was finished, but…the filling process itself, was…therapeutic in a sense. 

“Az… What are you doing?” came his brother’s voice from the door and his head shot up.  “I knocked, but you didn’t answer,” Cassian said drily. 

“Painting,” he answered evenly. That was a thing people did. 

“…I am seeing that. Is there a specific reason for it?” Cassian asked him, pronouncing every word like he thought Azriel had gone off the deep end. Completely insane. Off his rockers. 

“The shadows think I should have a hobby. They suggested painting,”  Azriel answered truthfully. Cassian just stared at him, eyebrows climbing into his hairline. 

“And what is that supposed to be?” he asked, waving to the canvas, filled with swirls of black and red and blue. 

“Me,” Azriel answered. He wondered what Cassian saw into it. Azriel only saw the black of his burned-out heart, the red of the blood dripping of his hands and the blue of the siphons containing his killing power.  Maybe somewhere in there was the gleaming onyx black of Truth Teller as well. 

“Anything I can help you with?”  he changed the topic abruptly. 

“Just wanted to ask you if you are going to Windhaven this week,” Cassian responded. “I know it was in your plans but…” 

He was. He was going to hate every fucking second but he was. 

“Yes, on Friday,” he answered darkly. It would be…fine. It always was fine. Regardless of how many fucking quips about fire and scars any of the Illyrians there made to him…

“Are you alright?” Cassian asked him and he looked up to find his brother mustering him. 

“Why shouldn’t I be?” he responded. He was perfectly fine. Right? 

“Your shadows think you should have a hobby.” Cassian gave back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “They have never thought that in 500 years. 

True. 

“I am fine,” he promised Cassian with a sigh. He was going to be just fine. Maybe if he just painted another canvas…or something. 

“Good. Go back to your…artistic pursuits then,” Cassian said with a shit-eating grin over his shoulder as he went, closing the door behind him. 

Azriel sat there, staring at his painting, picking it up. 

Painting always seemed to calm Feyre. Feyre loved painting.

But Feyre was good at it. She had an inborn talent for it. Her paintings were so real, that he felt like he could reach out and pluck the leaves of the trees, feel the sunrays on his own skin…He could feel what the people in her painting felt. He could…nearly taste the smells of the river or the meadows…he could…

Feyre was good at it. 

Azriel…Azriel slapped paint on a canvas and called that art. 

And it wasn’t. 

And he got angry at himself that he thought he could do this, because he couldn’t, because he was bad at it or at least not good enough and…

That’s enough, Master.

The shadows warned him, as his hand twitched in the direction of Truthteller. 

Feyre relaxed when she painted.  Azriel…Azriel just got angry. And wanted to stab his fucking canvas. 

“You know what? I don’t think painting it for me.”

[thebottomfromhell]

can i please request the upper moons +muzan falling for a human female reader please? i kinda wanna see how they treat reader different ( cause akaza don’t hurt women)

Ok, female version of this post, then. Again, it won't be pretty, Reader being a woman instead of a man won't make most of these guys act much different, since the reaction was more focused on Reader's humanity than the gender/sex. But they would feel it very differently, considering that this guys would be sexist AF (reminder that being sexist is more than hitting women).

For this time I will not be adding Muzan for tha sake of making something more abour him later (Sexism is an important topic for this prompt, and I am still figuring out how to make traist of his) sorry for that. :''/

Uppermoons reaction of falling in love with Human Female Reader

Warnings: Manga spoilers, Reader's death, Cannibalism, Yandere behavior, Mentioned torture, Non-consented body modifications (becoming a demon), Implied non-con sexual content, Predatory-animalistic behavior, Münchausen syndrome, Vore elements (not in a kinky way), Implied child abuse, Typical sexism of the time period, Mentions of menstrual period, And Each of these is a warning on their own.

Gyutaro (ft. Daki):

First things first, Daki loathes you. She sees you as hag trying to steal her big brother away from her. Good luck so she doesn't kill you.

"I have my eyes on you, you whore! I'm watching!" .... brats.

Meanwhile, Gyutaro knows he likes you but he doesn't want to acccept it. Liking a human? It's acary, a weakness against other demons and slayers.

Also, he is sure you won't want him, an ugly freak with a lady, what a laugh! He can't trust you, specially if you say you want him back. It's a lie.

He doesn't know how to behave with you, the only person he ever loved was his sister, and he was never able to tell her "no", and he is sure he won't be able to say it to you too. That is scary.

You have a lot of power over him, he protects you, takes care of you, obeys you when you tell him something, but he stays away most of the time.

He looks at you, yearning, to the point it's obssesive. You never leave his head.

Daki, because she has been also looking, knows if you do something, threats and destroys your things, protective over Gyutaro.

"Daki, ne... cut it off." "BUT ONII-CHAN!"

Make a move yourself, or this will continue until you die, since Gyutaro will also protect you from his sister, but won't be able to stop her completely. She hates you.

He won't force you to anything, respect you, understand you have it hard as a woman without him, so he won't hold it against you id you want to leave. Or at least he will try not to.

Still, against him? You will always be free.

Gyokko:

Gyokko is fast to figure put what he wants you to do, that he wants you to stay, even if it takes a bit more time to figure out how he feels about you.

You fill his taste, there is no mistake, and his tastes are the best. So he makes sure to praise you almost as much as his ability to choose.

"You are beautiful, no canvas can compare to you. Look at yourself and tell me I am right, that you don't deserve my praise and attention."

He will teach you a bit of his arts, even if he doesn't really expects you to learn in the same "profesional" way he does. Art for women is a hobby, and if it gets as far to be a job then they must abandon the idea of having husband and children.

Then again, he is not a husband, and having him gatting you away from human standards and society might give you the chance to be a true artist.

He eats parts of you as punishment id he thinks you crossed the line, but he is more lenient he would be if you were a man. "Woman are more fragile and hysterical, of course you I need to be understanding."

3 strikes is a foot in his mouthes, 6 to the knee, 9 all the leg. You can only have so many strikes before becoming more a burden than you are worth, without limbs.

You can beg for him to turn you or die, neither way he will make a piece of art of your body before your death. You will be sublime no matter what, but life will only come with begging.

He will make you stay awake through the pain, he will open you up a hole in your stomach, mold it into a form that represents the new birth. He will take away your organs, use your blood as make-up, dress you up nicely in red and white.

He won't even take a bite off as he pours his blood in the new hole, making you his forever.

Hantengu:

He cowers away at the slightlest chance of falling in love.

He disappeared, almost from thin air. Hiding... from a human... Upper 4 for you, ladies...

He comes back to cry about it, sobbing and sometimes hurting you with his clwas by accident as he grabs you.

He had several wives in his life as human, he knows how to treat them, or at least he should know, feeling pressured.

Why can't he just treat you like he treated them? Why is he so scared? He knows he is not doing it right but he can't bring himself to be charming and behave as a gentleman.

He is aware of his flaws, and id terrified with the idea you will leave him for it, even if he is not around most of the time, coming back and forward, comes to cry and then leaves.

Are you food? Are you beloved? Are you useless? Are you beautiful? Are you conforting? Are you nice? Are you about to die because of him? Are you going to reject him?

He will stab you in your sleep, or in an argument, he killed wives during those before. All with a knife instead of his abilities as a demon.

He didn't have to be a demon to kill women and children, and he is really sorry, but you had to die for his sake.

Sekido:

Ok, you have three seconds before shit explodes, so if you run you might save yourself.

3... 2... 1... "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT?!" There it is, that is all it took him.

A few days he kept think of you and he knew... you fucked up. You must scape until he calms down.

The fact that a fragile human, a defenceless woman, can make his heart beat faster and his face blush is simoly embarrasing. He hates it, it makes him angry, it makes him feel vulnerable.

The other clones are your best bet to get it this far, go for Karaku, he will keep you alive only for the sake of teasing Sekido.

Both of you know you will die, the more the likes you, the worse he will feel, and he will take it out of you.

You are just a human, you won't be able to survive him unless you become a demon, but he will not accept your refusal. He won't even tell you.

The relationship becomes stable in your new form, he just bites your neck and opens his wrist with his nails to transform you.

"Don't you dare trying to get away from me, woman."

Karaku:

"Gonna rock your body all night, it's lust at first sight" - probably Karaku if he knew Chris Crocker.

That is your chance for survival, and you take it, making him chose lust over gluttony.

He does threat of getting rid of you, but he makes sure to get you money, besides the flirting and gifts, considering he is aware he basically ruined your chance of a married life. He teases you about it when he feels cruel.

He makes sure to pleasure you, even if you don't want to, you don't get to make that choice.

It does take him more years than if you were a man to realize this is not normal lust, but that he is romantically attected to you.

He decides to transform you into a demon, doesn't warn or ask, when he realizes it.

He does it during sex, he bites you, moaning against your new wounds and the taste of blood. He will open his neck for you.

He will offer yourself to you once you wake up as a demon, memories lost and replaced with hunger and thirst. Not remembering the cold feeling of losing blood against his skin.

"Hey love~. Spend the night with me, will ya? I am all yours now, show me what you can do with it~."

Urogi:

Good news, Urogi doesn't want to hurt you.

Bad news, Urogi will hurt you anyway.

It's not even on purpose, he just gets carried away when he plays with you. He is not the most aware of the clones, so playful scratches and bites become dangerous.

He chases you sometimes, always wants attention, to play with you.

He likes to stay with you while you sleep, cuddling against you, sometimes you find him smelling around your scrotch when you are in your period, keeping his face around the area like a dog...

He gets bored of your limitations rather easily, so he decides to try to turn you i to a demon, consecuences be damned.

The last straw is a night when you have your period, the bited part of your legs your thighs, excited in different ways by the scent of ruined blood and vagubal fluids.

Then he will bleed into you, biting his own wrist off, feeding you chunks of his arms after spreading the blood over you.

He will chew and feed you mouth to mouth if it troubles you, only wanting to play with you, the new demon you.

Aizetsu:

His priority is that you are human.... and again, he is rude and hurtful about it.

"It's so sad for both of us. You can't be enough for me just like I can't be what you need. Pathetic." This bit-

Just a heartbeat put of place and knots in the throat were enough for Aizetsu to figure it out, and he didn't like it.

Humans are meant to die, besides, he can't be the husband you would need.

Still, he takes the chance of comfort, to pretend for both of you. He manipulates you into feeling pity for him, and that is how the relationship is formed.

He does kill you, painless and softly conforting you first, the second it becomes a problem.

He will also let you have your last words and wishes, will tell you that he wishes he could have been husband material for you.

He makes a memorial, kisses your corpse goodbye before leaving you behind.

"This is so sad."

Nakime:

Truth be told, she is not surprised.

She can see the appeal in you, she has always prefered women over men, Muzan being the exception, even if he is the exception of many things.

Nakime is very lenient with you, she understands that, as a human, you are more fragile than her, so she must treat you carefully.

She would not put you above Muzan, but she takes care of you, gives you gifts, spends time with you, praises you. You are a lovely lady to her.

Still, unless he approves she will not be transforming you. If he does, she will without any second thought or opinion.

The breaking deal is the next one, she kidnaps you for a while and the leaves you safely at your home. She controls all the interactions.

Why should she listen to you? She adores you, but you are still a human, nothing worth her obedience.

She would not kill you, no matter what. The only way you could die like this is suicide, age or ilness.

Then again, at the end Muzan decides to let her turn you, so he bleeds into a cup and feeds you ger blood, not letting you out until you do.

Akaza:

It starts when Akaza accidently calls you "Koyuki..." the first time you met. He fell hard and fast, and in a painful way.

He begged you to stay, not really knowing why. He cried, grabbed your legs as his knees stayed on the floor.

He needs you, craves for you, to the point of obsession. It takes him a while for him to realize he could turn you into a demon, because part of him venerates the image of a human girl with pink eyes and cheeks.

He can't hurt you when you deny him, but he wants to. He needs to, you have to understand why you should want to be a demon. Why you should want to be forever young, strong and healthy, to stay in the way things were before the poison in the well.

At the same time, he wants to take care of you, and he starts inviting himself to your house, doing the chores and watching you sleep.

He doesn't understand why he is always cheking your temperature and if you are breathing correctly, there is something relieving but also off putting when you always are ok. As if you should be sick.

Maybe part of him wants you to be sick so he can take care of you, but he can't hurt you.

You can't get rid of him, no matter how much you try, he always ends tucking you to bed and forcing you to stay in there until you sleep. He never listens, always treat you as if you were fragile and sick.

He learns how to make your favorites, cleans the house and laundry, starts getting money and pretends to nurse you, even if you don't have anything.

He doesn't know how to feel when you die of age, it's the only way you could die like this, but he breaks. Again.

Sometimes he still calls you Koyuki.

Douma:

Douma starts comparing you with Kotoha and his mother, he is quite vocal about it.

He tells you how silly you are, that his mom and Kotoha were the same, but each of you had your charm.

Yes, "had". He mostly talks about you in past tense, ge is planning to eat you soon. Kotoha almost scaped him and his mother became "too irrational, killed my father with a knife but poisoned herself" with time, so he wants to spare you the chase.

He talks about your face, your eyes, your hair and skin, mostly, he does things he did with Kotoha, hoping to make you laugh. Simple pleasures, not meant to last.

Both women left him, he is 100% sure you would if he gave you the chance, so he doesn't. He kept you by his side for some months, at most.

You are fun to be with, and he is sure he is fun to be around with too... maybe. Not that it matters, you don't really have a choice. Your words against his.

Also, turning you into a demon would give you the chance to run away while he is in a meeting with the other moons. How silly and stupid would it be from him!

He has made his mind to eat you the second he notices that, whatever he is feeling, this lust hunger, this craving, is like Kotoha's.

Because of his experience with her, he will make sure it's in his room, to make it right this time. Also, he will break your leg first, so you can run, coveribg your mouth and cooing you as you try to scream.

He will eat your tongue and lips first, complimenting the taste and texture, in a soft kiss, not really caring if you want it or not. That way you won't be able to formulate your screams for help.

He starts eating you from below, wanting to finish with your head and eyes since he had to blow Kotoha's. He doesn't want to repreat the regret of ruining such a pretty face.

Douma takes his time with you, talking softly and gently, praising you you taste and feel in his mouth, praising how you look.

He is more than satisfied after he finished, stomach full and you forever inside of him. Lovely.

Kokushibou:

This is the first time in his life that he wants the attention of a woman that isn't his mother.

He never felt attracted to women (or anyone, even if he always felt more in place sharing his life with other men), his wife included, he married her as his duty of producing heirs.

Having a woman by his side has always been a responsibility at best, a chore at worst.

But he wants you, and he can't understand it. It's new and confusing, that is the only reason he notices a few days after he catched feelings. Because loving women, wanting women, it's not normal for him.

He watches you, even yearns for you, but his pride and confusion don't make him do anything.

He blames you, resents you, calls you "a temptress" in his mind. What have you done to him? At least he doesn't conpare you to his his brother, but his other relationship with women don't let him relate you to a pleasure.

You are also human, meant to die like his mother and wife did, meant to be remember just as someone's husband and mother. Why are you stealing his attention, then? There is nothings special about you.

But this way it's easier to pretend he doesn't care the moment you die, easier than with Yoriich.

You are lovely, he keeps you around, but besides that? You are just a woman. A pause from his life as a samurai demon at best, a distraction at worst.

He will resent you after you die, but he will also forget you the same way he forgot about the other women in his life. There are only two people in his life with any importance, one was a boy to a man, the other is his King and Master. Women were never important in his life.

[sehodreams]

they agreed (more like he demanded) that he's the breadwinner while she stays home. but she gets bored and wants to make some money on the side (such as selling the honey that she cultivates in their garden, or selling flowers from her garden). conservative toxic riize reaction? u dont have to do all mmbrs btw 💣

Ahhhh my sweet little 💣, always bringing balance to my blog 💘

TW and Tags: toxic!conservative!riize, use of violence and gaslighting.

I think the only one who would hate that is Eunseok, the others don't mind that you have a job, or if you were doing those little works, they wouldn't give them too much importance, after all, for them they are insignificant little things in your life that at the end don't take too much of your time, and you would still be pretty much focused on them, so they would even laugh telling his friends and calling it "my wife's little hobby".

Eunseok is the only one who would burn inside, and would lose himself for a second. If you sold some of your pretty flowers to your neighbors or friends, he would say something like, "what do you need more money for? What I give you is not enough? Are you trying to tell me that what I earn from my hard work, even if it pays all our bills and keeps you well fed and dressed, is nothing to you?". Feeling like you're disrespecting him, he'd show you that side you never liked to see and that always pushed you to do your best to satisfy him. However, cleaning, looking pretty and giving him your sole focus when he was at home was not enough, he wants to control your every thought and action so you never act out and always behave like a real married woman should.

Sure you'd shake your head denying his words, telling him that you were only bored and wanted to do something on your own to keep yourself busy when he wasn't around, but doesn't matter how much you try to explain yourself to make him understand, he'll never do it, getting more angry with every word that comes out of your mouth since you're treating him like an idiot and talking back when you should've just nodded and immediately stop with his word.

Nothing would be enough to calm him after that, he'd destroy your garden, containing himself to not burn it down, he'd tell you to forget about flowers ever again, smashing the pots that decorated it one by one in front of your crying face, taking away the only place that made you feel some sort of happiness without him. Also, just to prove even more his point, he'd fuck you in front of it, and pushing your naked chest to the cristal of the sliding door, he'd order you to look at it. If you closed your eyes, simply with his hand pressing on your jaw or throat, like instinct your body would comply his wish, making you see with blurry eyes all your pretty creations scattered around like garbage, saying with a soft but firm voice, "I love you honey, but I can't let you disrespect me like that, you understand that I do what I do for your own good, right?", smiling when you nodded, because just like he wanted, since you two started, you had convinced yourself he did everything out of love.

[imahinatjon]

Doubt

Dazai x Reader

Kinda sad i guess.

I haven't proofread any of this. I'll do it at a later date.

You figured your mom wouldn't like this guy. She was... an overly judgmental woman.

And Dazai? Well, he didn't hide much. Aside from some really dark stuff. He didn't tone down his personality for anyone. So when he asked to meet your family, you sort of panicked. You didn't want him to meet them. You wanted to keep him and your family as far apart as you could until it was absolutely necessary. But Dazai assured you it would be fine. You hadn't really told him what it was like, so you didn't blame him.

Unbeknownst to you, he already knew. Or at least, had a general idea. You didn't need to say anything to him for him to understand where a lot of your troubles stemmed from. Why you didn't want him to meet them.

But in his mind? Better to get it out of the way now instead of a few years down the line.

So the day came. Your mother was lovely. A darling woman, offering Tea and Buiscuits, showing a keen interest. She didn't breath a word to you, unless it was to extend a kind courtesy. To put on a kind show.

You sat the entire time with bated breath, an anxiety ever lingering until you looked to the man sat beside you.

Dazai.

He'd toned his usual attitude down to meet your family.

There was no mentions of suicide. No over the top expressions or flirting, he seemed like... the picture perfect boyfriend.

You felt it was okay to excuse yourself to the bathroom with how strangely well this was going.

"So, YN"

You sighed, of course, things were going a little too perfectly. She cornered you in the hallway just outside the front room, just out of earshot from everyone else.

"How much did he cost?"

"What?" If you didn't know her so well, what she insinuated would have been more of a surprise. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

"You can't be serious? It's ovbious he's not into you, you must have given him something?" she quizzed you again.

"Uh... no mom, he really is my boyfriend"

"Riiight. Right... a little out of your league isn't he?"

You rolled your eyes. And tried to walk past. She didn't stop you. Not really, just...

"I hope you treat him well, that you stopped being so lazy, Hope your not neglecting him as much as you neglect the rest of us"

You continued on your way after what she said. It was hardly bad, in your eyes. Out of everything else she could have said to you, this was the lesser evil.

But... it plagued you a little for the rest of your visit.

He was... out of your league. You knew she was right. He WAS out of your league. Was he in it for something else?

Home... or rather, your shared home with Dazai felt cold and unwelcoming as you stepped through your own front door. You felt sick to your stomach. You could have sworn you felt homesick.

You wanted to go back. This didn't feel right anymore. You didn't feel like you belonged at this other persons apartment. You shared a bed with Dazai, but got no sleep. Merely found yourself lying awake all night. Sometimes staring out the window, sometimes staring at the ceiling. And occasionally, your gaze would linger on your loves face.

You knew it was a bad idea to take Dazai to meet your mom. You knew she would plant an idea in your head that made you doubt yourself.

She did it with your last partner, told you that you weren't treating them right - as if she knew a thing, but... you broke up with them over it. She also did it when you applied for a new job, you had an interview coming up, and she told you they'd never hire someone as lazy, inexperienced and unmotivated as you, so you missed the interview.

She never likes your artwork, however good it was, she made fun of your fashion sense, never liked your hobbies, called you unoriginal and boring.

Yet she relied on you for everything when you lived there. You did everything she ever wanted, but it was never enough. She only saw the bad in you.

And you in turn only saw the bad in the world.

When you met dazai that changed. He was weird, and has his flaws, but he was persistent, kind, and as honest as he could be with you. He had his moments, where he'd dissappear, only to reappear a few hours later floating down some river you or someone else had to dive in to save him from. Which he always complained about, in such a gentle and playful way. It wasn't perfect, but you thought it was... did he not think the same?

The thought brought tears to your eyes. Silent sobs escaping your sealed lips as you sat up and made a plan.

When dazai awoke the next morning it was with a start. A bad dream had plagued him during the later part of his sleep, and he couldn't place why. Until of course, he noticed you weren't beside him. Call him dependant, weak, or whatever, but since he begun sharing a home and a bed with you, everything felt just that little bit better. His unconscious mind didn't plague him like it used too, because now he got to hold you.

Now, Dazai is not a stupid man, even in his sleep hazed mind, he noticed something was off.

Most ovbious being that he couldn't see you anywhere. So he stood, to have a look around, a small investigation.

Not that he had to look far, you left a note on the kitchen counter. A note that left a sense of gloom. The colour drained from his home as he read. Words he couldn't register. All he knew is that it meant you had left him. Took your things and ran in the night.

He couldn't understand why though? He thought you had a perfect relationship. Did you not think the same?

He wasn't in the right mind to think properly. He needed time to register. Time to understand, and time to work out why.

But he'd make sure it didn't take too long. He couldn't let you go like that. Not without understanding at the very least.

_________________________________________

PART 2

Masterlist :3

[amusingmusie]

More questions about Evie? Ask and you shall receive!

Al and baby Evie. What would that look like? Does he dote on the baby, leave her to Nel, try (and fail) support the demon spawn he brought into the world? Basically, would he be a good father, and does he carry the burden equally?

Honestly, I think Nel would make a pretty great mom seeing as she basically raised Grace from birth, and Grace turned out fine! Nel does seem to have a nasty habit of raising agents of chaos, though. Maybe it wasn't actually Al's fault 🤔

Presuming, once again, that Al was alive for this, does he keep up with his habits? Does being responsible for a child who might cry a lot at night put him at a higher risk of being caught missing, and cut down on the murder time? Or who knows, maybe morals kicked in, and the thought of being caught and leaving Nel alone with a kid was a line not even he would cross (he's a murderer, not a monster).

And what was baby Evie like!!! Quiet baby? Loud baby? A nightmare in private, but an angel in public? She seems like the type to need constant attention.

There have also been a lot of hints that Evie is Violent. Did Nel do a good job instilling fear of the law into her? Or did Evie inherit her father's "hobbies," too?

What about his powers? Is there anything inherent about them that Evie might get? Or would she have needed Al's guidance in order to use her abilities. And if Al was alive, would he have taught her?

Does she have actual friends? I know that Nel is a loner and Al doesn't really care if his "friends" lived or died, but does Evie have any genuine human connection - outside of her arch nemesis ofc (don't tell her I said that). Like a bitch pack or a best friend who roam the school tormenting everyone they meet. Just as a treat.

Also, Roxy: what's her story? Is she a young Nel with a new look and (hopefully) no nicotine addiction? Does she get to have friends?

Let me know if I should break these asks up more in the future to avoid the wall-of-text problem! Once again, don’t feel pressured to answer any of the questions if you don’t want to or if it’s spoiler territory. Take care of yourself! Don't get lost or stolen!!!

YIPPEEEE!!! For pride month I am answering a yummy ask about one of my favorite evil lesbians.

In the little thought-world-brainrot-center I've created for Evie, Alastor isn't exactly around to know about her let alone interact with her. If he WAS around, I mean, he'd try his best to make sure the kid doesn't hurt herself since she is an extension of himself and he appreciates that, but I don't see him being the best dad. Emotional comfort? He doesn't do that. Teaching her to dissect things? Now that he can do!

I actually jokingly refer to an alt timeline in which Nel gets pregnant as "the good ending" because it's the only thing that would stop Alastor's charitable side hobbies in their tracks. Not because he has a change of heart- he just literally cannot find the time for it, and he knows Nel would cave his skull in if she caught him. He'd maybe try sneaking out one (one) night and then the ginger sits up in bed from a dead sleep and just says "fuck. no."...he gets right back in and doesn't sneak out again until Evie is older.

Evie was a pretty good baby! She didn't become an odd little cretin til she could walk, because then baby girl decided she wanted to play in the knife drawer.

She is violent in a way, but she actually takes more after Nel's brand than Alastor's. As weird as she is, and as sweetly as she threatens people, she doesn't resort to violence unless you've fucked with her or someone she cares about. It's that same sort of momma bear mauling-style that Nel has combined with Alastor's lack of remorse/excitement. It's not like she's killed anyone though, or even seriously maimed anyone. She has the capability, but not the urge. I know I jokingly call her an evil lesbian, but she's not actually evil. Just a menace.

I actually have always played around with the idea of Miss Genevieve being very spiritually attuned! I know that the supernatural takes a backseat role in my fic (for now anyway, that'll fucking change soon enough) so for Evie's story, I wanted it to play a much larger role. She's the kind of kid to look at someone and go "March 15th, 1933" and then skip away like it's nothing. Nel got used to it really, really fast. There's more than just her and Evie living in their house, after all. If Al was around, I don't know if he could have helped? I write him as someone who is aware but perhaps not the most integrated into the paranormal world (while alive). He'd definitely find it funny that Evie is though.

Evie has friends, but not close friends. Her story is hard to explain without spoiling my fic so all I can say is that she isn't a loner, but is incredibly lonely at times. Most of her relationships are shallow since she doesn't let others in. While her weird, chaotic nature isn't a front at all, she does rely on it to keep others at arms length if they get too close. She's incredibly popular with people she doesn't know well to the point that she has sort of created a little clique for herself. They don't really see beyond what she shows them. For those she's "closer" to who see her oddities, she uses those oddities and back-handed comments to keep them from getting close. Only Nel and Grace (and eventually Roxxy) are let in.

Roxy my beloved. She's much more than just another Nelly; she actually leans a little opposite to Nel, she's a slacker and usually gets in trouble pretty constantly. She's got a lot of anger from family expectations but she reacted to those expectations completely differently than Miss Penelope did. Roxxy actually has more close friends than Evie. Nobody would really see it unless they saw how fake Evie is with people (Husk would have a field day with that girl).

Thank youuuu for all the questions and I'm sorry it took me a while to answer them!

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i'm on my aspd izaya bullshit again but like. thru this lens, isnt his arc a perfect encapsulation on how aspd negatively affects the person that has it? even to this day, many professionals do not believe that pwASPD suffer from aspd. like at all. to the point where aspd was specifically listed as an outlier to the "patient distress is what defines a disorder" rule in an abnormal psych textbook

(see why i don't respect the field?)

but... he does suffer! a lot! like- remember his speech to mikado at the end of the first arc? how you need to keep evolving, keep changing in order to escape the mundane? how you have to keep going and going and going, wether it be aiming high or low?

yeah. normal people don't need to do this, izaya. you are a broken person.

but why SHOULD he be content with the mundane? the things people usually have that make them content with daily life- friends, family, a purpose, a distinct lack of extreme chronic boredom that drives you to do completely insane shit- izaya doesn't HAVE any of that!

"wait, chronic boredom?" i hear yall thinking. maybe. "isnt that an adhd thing?"

more than one disorder can have the same symptom. theres like a billion that have "want to die" as a symptom. but i dont really blame you for not knowing, its not talked about much

studies have shown that aspd and adhd are both problems with the dopamine receptors in the brain. more specifically, adhd is a chronic deficiency of dopamine, whereas with aspd, when you DO get dopamine, your brain gives you quardruple the normal amount.

studies have ALSO shown there to be a sort of... adhd to aspd pipeline. the story goes like this: you have a kid with adhd. maybe they're born like that, maybe the symptoms developed from trauma (which can happen? apparently??) anyway. kid gets abused. kid develops conduct disorder as a result of that abuse, as a natural extension of the existing adhd symptoms. they're MORE impulsive, which leads to them hurting others- and if it sets off the dopamine receptors, an abused kid starving for happiness and power is gonna chase it, no matter what. theyre like, six, they dont know anything about like. morality. all they know is, theyre sad and this makes them happy. anyway kid never gets treated, abuse continues to exasperate the symptoms, and now you have an adult with aspd, AND the original adhd diagnosis! and ptsd, which is HIGHLY comorbid with aspd! and probably another personality disorder, because you're actually statistically more likely to have two of them!

anyway! that's ONE of the ways aspd can develop from trauma, which it is Known To Do.

does any of that sound pleasant to go through? at all?

let me ask you a question:

imagine you aren't getting dopamine. maybe it's your adhd. maybe you're depressed. either way, you try to get it any way you can. wether it's throwing yourself into a hobby or a job, so the sense of satisfaction gives you dopamine, or something like drugs or gambling.

now, imagine that "rush" you felt. was Four Times Stronger.

wouldnt that compel you to do increasingly dangerous and risky shit, just to feel okay? imagine if you had no friends. imagine if this was your only way to be happy. wouldnt you, eventually, stop caring about others and only care about yourself? after all, other people have thinga like friends and a family that you don't have. they have a fallback. you only have this.

and you might say, "i'd never do that!" but every addict says that, and most eventually cross that line out of sheer desperation. and this? effectively makes you into a dopamine addict. which is dangerous! you can't just STOP... gettng dopamine....! it's necessary! but you have no help so you keep doing what youre doing. (and how could you get help? its baked into the system that people like you don't suffer. why try if youll just get burned?

anyway, back to izaya.

he's lonely. he has one friend and he sucks. he feels compelled to do these things even though he KNOWS it'll hurt him.

i stole this screenshot from some1 who insulted my friend once for something stupid <3 die

but it illustrates my point very well! does it look like he has much control over things?? he sure like to ACT like he does, but at the end of the day, he doesn't, really. he ends up spiraling more and more, doing increasingly risky and rash things, just to get his end goal... which is to die and ascend to the afterlife. a lofty goal.

aiming high, isn't he? a final, spectacular evolution.

or, it should have been.

but it wasn't.

izaya's impulses and deep desire to continue becoming more and more drastic, coupled with his lack of personal ties to anyone that could keep him from doing so....

it didn't make him ascend. it left him in a wheelchair, with chronic pain that will last his whole life.

THAT is where mental illness takes you. it doesn't make you a hollywood psychopath, reveling in the destruction you chose, of your own free will, wholly and truly, to cause. it makes you want More. no matter what, you need More. you see people content with lives worse than yours, everyone bound together with some sort of invisible thread, some sort of tie that keeps them together. a thread that missed you. your brain refuses to see people as people, thus you remain lonely forever, unsatiafied wirh company other than the superficial, because it's fun. that's all you're allowed to care about. an endless cycle of bigger and bigger actions, impulses slowly getting worse--

--and the worst part is, it tricks you into believing you ever had a choice. it tricks everyone into believing you had a choice. your suffering is worse than disregarded, to all the people you look at from your apartment, all the people you wish you could have been like.

it's nonexistant.

[krirebr]

Hello my friends!

As you may know, 2024 has been a rough mental health year for me. Depression and anxiety are an ongoing struggle. And unfortunately, that's bled into my life here.

I've realized recently that I put a lot of pressure on myself in how I interact with people. Everywhere, but here too. I really love it here, and I love all of you! I want to stay here as long as possible!! But that means I'm going to have to change some things in order to make that sustainable. Because right now, wanting to be able to do everything and not being able to has kind of made me just freeze and not be able to do anything. And then I feel awful. This is absolutely a me problem. You're all so great and what I'm going to outline below are probably obvious boundaries to all of you. But I'm saying it in writing to hopefully alleviate a little of the guilt I will inevitably feel when I start enacting them.

First and foremost, it's ok if I take breaks from writing every once in a while. If I don't produce anything new in a month, I need to trust that I won't lose all of my friends and followers. Because tumblr isn't a job and I need to stop treating it like it is. And not every idea needs to be expanded on, not every one-shot needs to become an au. Some ideas might just live in a series of little riffs or answers to asks and that's ok! That's great! It's ok to keep things short, sweet, and fun when that's what I need.

I'm also going to start forgiving myself when I can't read and comment on every single incredible work you all post. This refers to time limits, obviously, but content too. There are times, for example, when reading smut is just not what I want to do. And that's ok! I know that you know that, but I don't always know that. So I'm going to start giving myself a lot more grace when I get behind in my reading or skip something someone I love has written because the content just isn't for me. So if you start seeing me in your notes a little bit less, that's why. I still love you.

I think I'm going to clear out my ask box and start fresh. I'm sorry. I love you and I'm so happy whenever you want to interact with me. But trying to be perfect in how I answer these means that when I don't answer them right away, they just build up and start haunting me and that makes answering the new ones even harder, because I feel like I need to answer the old ones first. There are a couple that I'll probably try to get out before I purge, but not in a full drabble or what I feel like I should be doing. I need to understand that I can do quick, off the cuff, brief answers to these things. Nothing here needs to be perfect.

Ok, I think those are the major things right now. I hope this wasn't too weird and/or embarrassing. I just wanted to share where my head is at. I'll say it again and I'll keep saying it: I love you. You're great. I'm so so lucky to have made the friends here that I have. I appreciate each of you so much. And if, in the future, you see me getting super stressed out about what is supposed to be a fun hobby and community, please point me back here and make me read this again. 💜💜💜💜💜

[sgrdoll]

Bet on It

synopsis - aew star hook has a fascination with the pretty makeup artist backstage. his friend bets he can’t go an entire night without bothering her.

warnings - smut, fuckboy!hook, hook shamelessly yearning, ofc, sub!ofc, dom!hook, blowjob, face fucking

a/n - hi! i’m back again but with something a little different. i know this probably won’t be my most popular fic bc it’s such a niche fandom. however, i really like pro wrestling and i hope you all can enjoy this fic regardless of if you like it or not. love you guys!!!

masterlist

Tyler’s eyes narrowed when she walked across the room. The way she dressed made him want to throw his head back and groan.

He was leaned against the wall watching her do the makeup of some of the women that were going on tonight.

As far as he knew she was the head makeup artist for the company and did her job pretty damn good, always in a pair of heels with her hair perfectly done too.

The outfit she had on today was a little more revealing than what he was used to but he definitely didn’t mind. The baby pink skirt and matching top made her body look out of this fucking world.

Tyler had never needed to go to the makeup chair before so they had never officially crossed paths. However, he’s been watching her since the first time Cody brought his wrestling class to their first TV taping.

She’s always there, and she’s always working. Currently, she was talking to Britt while doing some crazy eyeshadow look on her that seemed impossibly difficult to him.

Ty could hear her giggle from where he was standing and he wanted nothing more than to go over there and drag her back to his private lockeroom and have his way with her.

“Again, man? You gotta leave her alone,” Dante Martin put a hand on his shoulder which Tyler immediately shrugged off.

He knew he was joking but it still hit a little too close to him. Tyler always wondered if she noticed him and the close eye he kept on her. 

“Shut up. Don’t you have a top rope or something to jump off?” Tyler rolled his eyes.

“Why don’t you just go talk to her,” Dante ignored his previous comment.

“What would I even say? ‘Oh hey, I’ve been staring at you for the past year and I want to do you in my hotel room?’”

Dante laughed, “You don’t obsess over a girl for an entire year and only want to fuck her. We both know you actually like her.”

Ty had never had a serious relationship before and didn’t desire it. He was very focused on his career and didn’t have time for any distractions, even ones with impossibly long legs and high cheek bones.

“That’s exactly why I can’t talk to her. I’m way too busy. I don’t have time to treat her like she deserves,” he grumbled back in response.

His friend grinned, “How can you say shit like that and not see it?”

“See what, asshole,” he hissed back.

“That you’re not going to be able to just stop thinking about her.”

“I could totally stop thinking about her if I wanted to. She’s like, like a side hobby,” Tyler responded a bit flustered.

“A side hobby?” Dante was hysterically laughing at this point.

“If she’s such a side hobby, let’s make a bet,” Dante said to him.

“Oh yeah? What kind of bet?” Tyler was intrigued at this point. He was never one to turn down a challenge. He stopped leaning on the wall and stood up straight.

“If you can leave her alone for the rest of the show - that means no looking at her, no standing by the makeup chairs, and no scaring off the rookies who try and flirt with her - I’ll pay for you to finish the rest of your sleeve,” Dante said slyly.

Tyler’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “Dude, my tattoo artist is charging me $2500 in cash for that.”

“I know. But I’m almost positive you won’t win,” he laughed.

“What happens if I lose?” Ty inquired.

“I get your private lockeroom for 5 more Dynamites,” Dante responded matter of factly.

“Bro, my dad rents that out for me.”

“Yeah and everyone fucking hates you for it,” Dante added.

“Call me daddy’s money all you want but I get to do my pre-match ritual in silence, without you assholes screaming in my ear.”

“And that’s what I want.”

“Fine. You have a deal,” Tyler stuck his hand out and Dante shook it.

“There’s no way you’re winning,” Dante cackled while walking away from him.

Tyler walked to catering and tried not to think about her there without him. It was stupid really. She had been working there longer than he had and he was scared for her well-being.

He sighed and stabbed the chicken on his plate with a fork. It was going to be a long ass night.

-

Dynamite had started a couple of hours later and he had a match tonight, but for some reason he couldn’t focus.

Well, not some reason. He knew the exact reason, and she was most likely sucking on hard candy and playing on her phone in the backstage area.

Tyler tried hard to shake it off, he really did. But he couldn’t jepordize his match for some stupid bet.

His phone dinged and it was a text message from Dante.

Are you cracking yet, lover boy?

Tyler wanted to hurl his phone at the wall. He felt like he was going absolutely insane. He wanted to slap himself for allowing his attraction to her for getting this far.

Ty hated to admit it to himself, but he did actually like her. He liked her much more than a one night stand or a casual hookup.

He had been going backing forth between the pros and cons of just going to find her when the Bucks walked into his dressing room.

Tyler immediately stood up from his seated position when they walked in. He pulled himself together so he could talk to his bosses.

He stuck his hand out to shake theirs, “What can I do for you guys?”

After they finished shaking hands with each other Matt started talking, “It’s about your match tonight. Tony made a last minute decision for you to go over.”

Tyler’s face was one of surprise, “Like, win the TNT title?”

“Yeah,” Matt brushed over this news, “Sorry it’s on such short notice, kid.”

“No, don’t sweat it. I’m psyched,” Tyler tried to keep his cool.

“We figured you would be. Go change the finish with Sammy and you’ll be set. We watched you guys practice this morning and the match you have planned should stay the same. The only change we want is for you to tap him out,” Nick instructed the young talent.

“Of course. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me,” Tyler was very grateful for this opportunity but also incredibly nervous.

The group exchanged pleasantries for a while longer until they left the room. Ty could feel his heart speeding up. There was no way he could go out to win a title feeling like this.

His palms were sweating and despite the news he had his focus was still somewhere else. He checked his watch to see he had an hour and thirty minutes until he was gonna go out.

Fuck the bet.

There was no way in hell Ty was going to fuck up the biggest match of his career over a bet.

He threw a hoodie and sweats over his gear and stepped out of dressing room, already feeling the clouds clear out of his head.

Ty booked it to the makeup chairs like he was being chased.

He stopped just a few steps behind where she was lounging.

She was perched on one of the chairs with her legs swinging. She was on her phone with a cherry red sucker in her mouth, just as he suspected.

She was a sight for sore eyes and he felt relief wash over him knowing she was perfectly fine.

“Hey,” he said suddenly making her look up from her phone. His voice was a surprise to his own ears. He had never spoken to her and now was probably not the best time to start.

She looked up at him from her chair and took the sucker out of her mouth, “Hey.”

The way she was smiling at his made his chest ache, “I was wondering if you could fix my hair before my match. I totally slept on it wrong.”

She looked skeptical. Tyler knew he sounded stupid. His hair was probably the easiest in the world to manage. All he did was run a brush through it and call it a day.

“Of course. Hook, right?” She called him by his in ring name.

He chuckled as he sat down in her chair, “Yeah, but you can call me Tyler.”

When her fingers began to comb through his hair he wanted to groan.

“I’m Ariane, but everyone around her calls me Ari.”

He finally knew her name and it fit her perfectly. He could feel all of his nerves slipping from his body as she touched him. It was like she had some sort of magnetic aura that dissipated all of his anxiety.

He stayed quiet as she moved his hair every which way. Her long pink acrylics were perfectly scratching his scalp. Ty fought the urge to shiver and lean into her touch.

“What gear are you wearing tonight?” Ari asked.

“I’ve got the orange on tonight.”

“You always wear those,” she teased, “What about the chain?”

He pulled his gold chain out of his hoodie and showed her. He was impressed she knew he always wore a chain to the ring. It made Ty smile that Ari watched him maybe as much as he watched her.

She moved from behind him to get a better look at the chain.

Ari leaned in and touched the chain around his neck. Her tan fingers brushed against the pulse point on his neck. He closed his eyes and took in a breath. Her long dark extensions created a curtain between them and the outside world. Tyler wanted to feel her hands on him forever.

Their eyes locked for a second and she smiled at him in a way that made him want to bend her over his lap and make her start fucking counting.

He tried not to lose control of the situation. It felt like she was holding him in the palm of her hand.

“This is really nice. It’s different than the ones you usually wear,” Ariane said finally and stepping away from him.

His mouth twitched into a small smile, “You pay a lot of attention to my chains?”

“You’re the only guy on the roster who doesn’t ask for my advice on gear. I like to see what you’re wearing.”

“Well, this one was my dad’s in the 90’s. He wore it when he proposed to my mom,” Ty couldn’t figure out why he was volunteering this information. He kept most of his personal life to himself but she made him spill his guts with only a few words.

“And you’re wearing it to win your first title,” she must’ve noticed the look he gave her, “You tend to hear a lot when you’re doing an entire roster’s makeup and hair.”

“The chain is a good luck charm. It made my mom say yes, maybe it’ll keep me from fucking up any spots,” he joked.

“I’ve never seen you mess up a spot before,” Ari rolled her eyes adorably.

Tyler really wanted to grab her and kiss her. Actually, he wanted to do more than that, he wanted to take her back to his dressing room and flip up that impossibly tiny skirt and fuck her. He had to get himself back under control.

He took a deep breath and stood up. He was standing almost chest to chest with her. Ty had a few inches on her, even with her heels. He looked down at her parted lips and smiled.

“Next time you have any advice on my gear, you can come find me in my dressing room,” his words dripped with sexual innuendo that made her noticeably flustered.

He walked away from the makeup area and to gorilla. Ty stripped down into his gear and waited for the women’s match to end.

He felt way more confident than he had in his lockeroom. Tyler was calm, satiated even. He talked to Ari for the first time ever and even flirted with her. He could comfortably take her off of his mind for now.

He was ready to go out there and have the best match of his life.

Even though he felt on top of the world, he still felt anxiety pooled in his belly. Any person in their right mind would.

This is going to be his first title run and he wants it to be amazing.

“Hey,” Sammy grabbed his shoulder, “The Bucks wanted me to come talk about the match with you.”

His calm attitude didn’t last long when he heard Sammy’s voice. Sammy Guevera was not an easy person to be around. Almost everyone on the roster hated him, besides his equally annoying wife, Tay.

“Yeah. All we have to do is keep the same combinations until the last three minutes. They want a submission victory so I was thinking you try for a frog splash and I catch you midair. I’ll give you a couple of suplexes and then put you in the redrum.”

“Whatever,” sammy rolled his eyes like the asshole he is, “I’m still pissed they sprung this on me last minute.”

“Maybe it’s because you called one of the most experienced veterans in the back a jobber,” Ty spit back at him.

Just because they had a match did not mean they had to like each other.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Sammy grumbled while walking away.

As the semi-main event ended with Britt holding her championship with a confident smirk on her face. He felt like his chest was on fire the closer it got to his match.

Tyler stood up and took a deep breath. He had seven minutes until his entire life would be changed.

He knew he had to go out first and stood at the curtain.

-

The match went off without a hitch. Tyler was surprised considering Sammy kept giving him stiff punches and slapping him in the face.

Ty kept it professional, though and managed to finish the match without actually beating the shit out of him.

He walked to the back with the TNT titled draped over his shoulder as the backstage personnel and Tony Khan gave him a standing ovation.

His dad was the first person to hug him and tell him how proud he was. Tyler fought tears when they embraced.

He thanked everyone profusely and spoke to Tony privately about how grateful he was.

Ty was in the middle of picking up his sweats and hoodie when Dante came into view. He mentally groaned, he was going to get so much shit from him.

Dante wrapped gave Tyler a hug and when he pulled away he smiled, “Couldn’t do it could ya, champ?”

“Fuck off,” Tyler groaned, “It was the only way that match wasn’t gonna be shit. It was impossible to focus with her on my mind.”

“You sound like a fucking love sick puppy,” Dante laughed at him.

“Yeah yeah. What are we doing to celebrate?” Ty smirked at his friend.

“I’ve got some of the boys together and we can go grab drinks downtown. This is my first time in Nashville so I think Bowens is picking.”

“Sounds great. Let me go take a quick shower,” he replied walking away.

“Enjoy that private shower while it lasts!” Dante called from behind him.

Tyler just flipped him off and kept walking to his dressing room. He really was dreading giving it away for five weeks.

Just before he made it to his lockeroom he saw Ari leaning against the wall next to the his dressing room door texting on her phone.

“Hey,” he smiled at her.

She looked up at him, “Hey, champ. That was a great match. Congratulations.”

Her smiled was so genuine and happy it made his heart flutter a little bit, “Thanks. Hey, some of the guys are going out to celebrate. Wanna come with?”

Tyler watched as her green eyes lit up at the prospect of going out with him.

“I’d love to, but before I think you told me I should come into your lockeroom when I had any thoughts about your gear,” she gave him a sultry look through her false eyelashes.

His mouth quirked into a smile, “Yeah, and what is it you wanna say about my gear, doll?”

“I think it would look much better off,” she had an innocent look in her eyes despite the words she was saying.

This turned him onto no end. He didn’t even bother to say anything else, he just opened the door and pulled her inside.

He quickly locked the door and pressed her against it. Their lips touched and it felt like his skin was buzzing against her own.

He kissed a trail down her neck. He sucked and nipped at the delicate skin until there was a distinct hickey.

“Such a fucking tease all the time, hm? All those tiny little outfits” He said against her neck.

Tyler could hear her shaky breathing and the occasional whimper.

He smiled against her skin and finally pulled away, “If you want to stop, just say so.”

With that he tugged her over to the couch and pulled her onto his lap.

Their mouths were on one another’s in an instant. Their lips moved in a feverish manner, as if they couldn’t get enough of each other.

Ari was the first to pull away, “Let me properly congratulate you on your win, champ.”

She slinked down to her knees in front of him and put her hands on his bare thighs.

Tyler’s hand ran through her hair and Ari spoke again, “It’s a wonder it’s taken you this long to say something.”

He looked down at her in confusion as she started to palm him through his shorts, “I’ve seen you stand at my makeup station for months and stare at my ass. That’s why I’m dressed like this tonight.”

She kissed his thigh and whispered, “Just for you.”

Tyler finally said something, “Dressing like a whore at work just to impress me? I’m honored, baby.”

Ari rested her head against his thigh and stared at his hard on still confined in his pants.

Ty wrapped a hand in her and forced her to sit up properly, “Are you gonna let the champ fuck your face doll?”

She nodded eagerly, “Please fuck my face Tyler.”

He didn’t have to hear anymore, he pulled his cock out, “Stick your tongue out.”

Ariane shivered at his dominant voice and did what she was told.

He used his hand that was wrapped in her hair to guide her down his cock. Ty slowly sunk his cock in her mouth and groaned out when she made it to the base.

She began gagging a little bit and he let her pull off, “You’re so big,” she whimpered.

Ty thought she looked so cute like this, almost frustrated she couldn’t take him all the way down her throat, “You’ll make it work, baby.”

She wrapped her lips around his tip and looked up at him to signal that she was ready for him to continue

He started bobbing her head up and down his cock. His groans made her even wetter than she was.

Ty kept cursing in his deep voice and watched as he fingers snaked in between her legs and underneath her skirt.

“Cant even handle sucking cock without something inside you? Fucking hell,” he chastised her while moving her head faster.

He threw his head back when she started swirling her tongue around his length.

“Fuck,” Ty said aloud, “I’m gonna cum down that pretty throat.”

She nodded her head around him to assure him it was okay. Somehow he forced her to choke his cock down even faster.

Ari sucked impossibly hard and his hips bucked up into her mouth right before he came. She felt his hot seed shoot down her throat in long spurts and whimpered around him.

When he was finished with her he took her off of him.

They both stopped for a moment, him breathless and her with spit around her mouth and tears in her eyes.

“Come here,” he said while putting his shorts back on properly.

Ari obediently sat in the couch next to him before he grabbed her waist and sat her on his lap.

His arms wrapped around her, “We don’t have to go out with them tonight. We can go back to my hotel room and talk or something. I don’t want you to think I wanted this as a one time thing.”

Her voice was hoarse when she first started talking, “Today is a big day for you. You deserve to go out and celebrate.”

“Did you drive here?” He asked, ignoring her last comment.

“No, I ubered, why?”

“I’ll drive you back to the hotel then. Or the bar, it whatever you want, baby,” he smiled at her warmly.

She whined, “I can’t let you not celebrate you’re first title win. I’ll come with you to the bar and we can talk about all of this later.”

Tyler kissed the crown of Ari’s, “You know this wasn’t a one time thing for me, right? I want to have something real for you.”

She lifted her gaze to his, “Then we’re on the same page.”

[vai3r13]

Hello hello! :) I’m here for our matchup trade for Black Butler! (I sent the pictures for the Paparazzi end :) )

Starting off I am a neurodivergent, queer (but attracted to masculinity) female. I go by she/they and im an INFP Sagittarius.

Physically, I am a 5’2” but wear platform converse or boots every day of my life. Style wise, im definitely alternative. However, Im also a fan of the baggy jeans, tight top, kinda side of grunge. Im also a sucker for black with pastels, so I suppose my color pallete would fall under “Pastel Goth” or something similar. I actually really love the style called “Morute” which stands for “Morbidly Cute”. I just absolutely adore the creepy-cute combination, and i aspire to look like a creepy doll somedays.

That also would lead into hobbies, as I love dolls! I collect them and will gush over them any time i see one in public i like. Especially going to cons and seeing the little stands with BJD dolls? I go feral-...and broke. My entire room is decorated in pretty dolls, anime figures, manga, and cherry blossom vines. (I really want a cherry blossom tattoo on my back but im terrified of needles-) My other hobbies include writing, skateboarding, singing/making music, and dancing! I have a band with friends right now. I’m training my voice to be a metal singer despite having a feminine voice, so im a bit shy with it right now.

Personality wise, I suppose it tends to fluctuate, but i think what sticks the most is that I'm extremely sweet and loyal. I used to be very shy, and can even be pretty quiet nowadays too. Im definitely introverted but, ive gotten much better with it. Friends would definitely say that im bubbly, always trying to laugh. Definitely witty too because I absolutely love bantering and softly bullying people. Id say im very emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people. Im definitely a realist, and im told im very good with advice and empathizing with people. I feel i understand other emotions more than mine sometimes. Which annoys me- Because I have a habit of not expressing anything negative. I think it might be due to past trauma, but I have a hard time staying angry or upset with people. Its like- once you screw me over, i have no issues getting rid of you. I dont like that i can easily disconnect from people, as I feel it makes me sound like a bad person, but I just feel l like if i know my worth, and someone isnt treating me as they should, I shouldnt keep them in my life. That does go to say though, that I am an all or nothing person with people I care about. If i am your friend, I trust you can come to me with anything and I vice versa no matter what. I always come through and i expect the same. 

Another bad habit though would be disappearing. I wouldnt call it ghosting because I always pop back up, but I usually dont respond or see people for weeks or even months, even close friends. Most that are close know that if they need to talk to me, they have to double text or call me. Ill always answer then. I dont mean to, I just for some reason am really consistent with randomly dropping off the face of the earth for everyone but my partner, or person closest. Texts are always paragraphs though! Im not a dry texter, just forget I exist and have to respond :) Not to mention, i have ran away out of state before just for the sake of going and exploring. (Did a lot of Urbex and trespassing- it was fun but i dont think ill ever go to abandon buildings like that again. That doesnt mean ill stop climbing trains though!) I just love road trips and little late night adventures. 

Some notes about me… Id say my fears involve needles, the dark (I sleep with a nightlight but love horror-), Clowns, and deep water. I cannot swim and have nearly drowned before so I actually hate going swimming. I dont see the appeal and start to panic if i cant see or touch the bottom. I wouldnt say im scared of spiders though like most. I actually am the person my job calls for to grab spiders and take them outside. If theyre cute, ill just grab them with my hand. Another thing is that I have OCD and PTSD. My OCD isnt the typical stereotype of being clean, Im just very routine with patterns. The person im with has to be okay with frequent alarms I set for different time frames, my strange eating habits (I cant have anything touching, one food at a time, soft foods over crunchy, and i absolutely love bananas but cant eat them unless someone peels them for me while im not looking) I also get very paranoid about certain things, like for example, i get little episodes sometimes where I freak out because I believe Ill inherent my dads schizophrenia and Ill because dissociated with reality, so whoever im with needs to be able to help assure me i wont just lose my mind- That being said, my least favorite love language is touch! I can be touched, but its very easy to overwhelm my due to past trauma. I also flinch very easily without even thinking and it gets annoying when people make fun of it. Because of this as well, im a very silent walker and tend to scare people because i subconsciously make myself as unnoticeable as possible. Im also an insomniac. I will not go to bed until the sun is up, and even then I wake up very easily. My doctor keeps trying to give me medications for it so i can sleep better, but its so ironic because I stop taking them constantly because I hate feeling tired. SO someone who doesnt mind being up a bit late would be appreciated :) 

Random facts are: I absolutely adore raccoons and rats, and used to be a rat mom! I’ll spit out little rodent facts like im google. I know morse code. Im an amazing driver. I will get you there fast and safe….fast as in i max out my car frequently and if i get one more traffic misconduct i lose my license. BUT i know how to be safe with taking those risks, if that makes sense? Like i know where and when to speed and when not to- Most people fear getting in the car with me. But other than that, i think that’s it for now! Thank you <3

Hello!<3 @xxchthonicreaturexx

I apologize for any mistakes! English is not my native language and I'm new to writing:) Written in "you" perspective

possible tw - talk of mental health, mentions of unhealthy relationship ig? idk how healthy grim reapers r, mentions of drowning and suicide

barely proofread

To start, you're gorg and going off of everything I think your Black Butler match would be..

Undertaker !!

Both visually and personality wise I think you would compliment each-other! In my opinion your energies have something similar.

visual

I think Undertaker would like your piercings, he has an industrial himself.

small head cannons

You both have black nail polish, so painting each others nails as a cute activity:)

Doing each others eyeliner/make up.

classic

Undertakers mbti type most likely is ISTJ while yours is INFP. While your compatibility can seem difficult at first, by appreciating each others differences you "balance" each other out.

Sagittarius and Aquarius are an energetic match, being air and fire signs your elements fit seamlessly. In astrology, air feeds fire.

"i can easily disconnect from people"

Is a trait both of your star signs posses, a similarity that needs to be balanced between the two of you.

In terms of style I can see you in lots of similar/ partner outfits, as your style is somewhat similar too. Undertaker would, just like you, adore pastel goth and a creepy cute, dolly like aesthetic, - not on him but most definitely on his partner.

I think Undertaker would definitely share your love for dolls, acquiring many dolls and gifting them to you.

As we can see in the Luxury Liner arc, I'd say he has his own love for "dolls", if you know what I'm saying.

As for your other hobbies I think Undertaker wouldn't exactly share your interest in them, but he'd definitely support you. Ex. Watching your band perform, making tea to soothe your voice after you've practiced. He'd definitely be one to annoy and tease you in a joking manner, while you're writing or doing other things.

You being more calm/quiet and Undertakers more energetic and chaotic certainly harmonize. You'd participate in a lot of witty banter and Undertakers life mission would be to make you laugh all the time. He'd adore your sweetness and bubbly-ness (is that even a word??) and your loyalty would be VERY important to him. While he acts and is mostly carefree, I think deep down he still wary of deep connections with people, as he doesn't really have friends.

When he achieves said connection tho he might not always act like it but he'd be sort of possessive. Wouldn't let you get very close to Sebastian or Ciel out of a fear, that they would use you against him in some way. It takes a while for him to tell you what he is, it takes him a while to trust someone 100% wouldn't talk about how it happened tho.

I think arguments wouldn't happen very often, when they do tho they would happen out of Undertakers disregard for "human customs", ex. relationships with other people, etc. Undertaker doesn't resort to screaming, he wouldn't even comprehend that you're mad or annoyed with him. After a few days of not talking much he'd try and talk, bring you something, dolls, sweets, whatever. Makes you sit down and explain what's bothering you, wouldn't always get it but he'd try. Makes up by gifting you dolls or figurines.

Would get worried the first few times you disappear, always manages to find you tho. Absolutely goes exploring with you, might not say it but part of the reason why, is because he's worried about you.

Teases you about your fear of the dark, always lights a candle for you at night tho. Undertaker has died through drowning, as shown in a manga panel, so he shares your fear of water. It serves as a constant reminder for him, so you both don't see the appeal.

Might sound weird but he's fascinated with your OCD habits, he asks you about them. Once you explained them, he always makes sure that your food is arranged the way you like it and peels your bananas for you. Doesn't mind the alarms you set, can be your personal alarm clock actually.

Undertaker has dealt with a lot throughout his long life, he has his own problems. He will always assure you that you're going to be okay. Another thing, that might seem insensitive but sometimes he'd joke that you'll be "crazy" together.

Undertaker's very touchy by nature, I would say. After noticing you flinch, he'd be unsure if his presence and being a grim reaper still intimidates you in some way, if he decides talking to you about it, Undertaker will resort to gift giving and quality time.

Being a quiet walker doesn't matter with Undertaker, as he senses your presence, he isn't human after all, or easy to startle.

Grim Reapers require both sleep and sustenance, but have you seen Undertaker? That man runs on two hours of sleep maximum, he also definitely wouldn't mind staying up late. Dancing late at night, while nobody is watching, is definitely a reoccurring activity in a relationship with the Undertaker. He can be a bit overbearing at times.

Depending what century you're imagining this in, Undertaker loves when you drive, it's sort of an adrenaline rush for him.

head canons

-

Doing each others makeup, sitting on a coffin or your bed. "You have to be still, for me not to smudge the eyeliner!!", while he tries to tickle or smooch you.

_

Painting each others nails and making a cute date night out of it, lots of candles around you for the atmosphere. Playful banter, which ends in you two cuddling in a coffin.

-

Going out to explore the woods, him following closely behind you, suddenly disappearing just to appear in front of you, scaring you in the process, making Undertaker burst out laughing. Holding out a hand to help you climb onto things.

-

Exploring the city at night, when the people are sleeping and the bustling and usually loud streets of London are completely empty. Even jumping roof to roof. (This reminded me of that one Howl's moving castle scene. 01:47-02:10 in the linked video)

-

Late at night, while both of you aren't sleeping, Undertakers shop is dark, except for the dozens of candles littered across the room, as a music box starts playing a soft melody. Undertaker coming up behind you and offering you a hand, as you start dancing across his shop, moving through the space together, occasionally stepping on each others feet and giggling.

Again, it's my first time writing and English isn't my first language. I hope you could still enjoy this<3

[fanficshiddles]

Eternally Mine, Chapter 25

WARNING: Mentions of miscarriage and abuse.

-

Louise was visibly nervous, Chris assured her again that she didn’t need to tell him about anything she didn’t want to. But she did want to, she wanted to share with him and hoped it would help him understand why she was the way she was sometimes.

‘Would you… be more comfortable on my lap again?’ Chris asked with a cheeky smile.

Louise blushed and nodded with a giggle. ‘You are very comfy and cosy.’

Chris wrapped his arms around her to pull her onto his lap. He held her snugly against his chest, feeling her relax as he stroked her back softly. She lay her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath.

‘I… I guess starting from the beginning is best.’ She sighed. ‘We were in secondary school, I was sixteen, Ray was eighteen. He was one of the cool guys. For some reason he seemed to take an interest in me. I thought it was great, that an older kid like him was into me. Claire was a big supporter at the start, I know she beats herself up over it now, for saying I should go for it when he asked me out one day.

It went ok at first, we went on some dates… though thinking back, they were rubbish dates. We always split the bill, which was fine. Though after a while he told me I should be paying for both of us, since in the future he’d be the one providing for me. I didn’t think much of it really, I had a part time job with no rent to pay as I lived with my parents so it was fine. The thought that he was thinking of the future made me feel special.

When we started sleeping together, it was never great. Quick and just about his pleasure. Though things turned after we started getting intimate. He began telling me how to dress and he made me stop dyeing my hair, had to take out my nose piercing and earrings as he found them horrible. I don’t know why I did it, I was young and stupidly blind for him. I moved in with him as he had the whole basement to himself at his parents’ house, a kitchen and bathroom included. That was within four months, way too fast.

I finished school and began work, at a restaurant. Wanted to save up to go to college or Uni. He didn’t like me working though, said I should stay home and keep the place clean and tidy for him. Even though he himself didn’t have a job at that point. Eventually, he did get a job in his father’s company, so we moved into our own bungalow.

He was never affectionate with me, never once even told me he loved me… Made me believe that no other man would want to be with me, that he was doing me a favour by being my partner. Never wanted to be seen holding my hand in public, said I was an embarrassment. I tried losing weight for him, thinking it would help, but it didn’t.

He made me quit my job in time, and slowly I saw less of Claire and our parents, friends, other family. Even to the point of locking me in the house most days, saying it was for my own safety. He didn’t like me having hobbies, said that gaming was childish so I didn’t even have anything to do apart from clean.

I ended up pregnant when I was twenty-one. I wasn’t really wanting a child at that point, though he desperately did. I selfishly thought having a baby would make him love me… If that poor child had been born, I dread to think…’ Louise paused a moment and tried to hold back her tears.

Chris cradled the back of her head and kissed her forehead.

‘I had a miscarriage. He blamed me, said I was a failure of a woman as I couldn’t even carry a baby to full term. He… he beat me black and blue that day. He kicked me so bad in my abdomen, the pain was indescribable. I begged him for days to take me to the hospital as I was in agony, but he refused and said it was punishment for killing his baby.’

Chris had to withhold his rage and sadness. He couldn’t believe how this monster had treated Louise. How anyone could treat someone like that.

‘Claire then came round one day, to find me locked inside. I was in so much pain still, and tried to put on a brave face but she saw right through it. The police came and bust down the door, got me straight to hospital. I had to get some surgery to repair some tendon and muscle damage in my abdomen. The doctor said it’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to have a child because of it… My periods are all over the place, too. And mentally, I don't want to have kids. So… I don’t know if you ever want kids, but I… I don’t think I can give you that, I’m sorry.’

‘Pumpkin, do not apologise for something that is not your fault.’ Chris cupped her face and had her look at him. ‘None of this is your fault. You never apologise for things that are out of your control, that are caused by him. I’m so, so sorry you had to go through this. I can’t imagine how scary and confusing it must have been.’

‘I just wish I had gotten out sooner. I should have listened to Claire and our friends, after just a few months they realised that he wasn’t all he seemed to be. Said he was shitty for making me pay for the dates, that I didn’t seem myself. I just… I was so fucking blind.’

‘That’s how they work, abusers. They manipulate you so well into believing whatever they want you to believe.’ Chris said softly.

Louise nodded. ‘I was so relieved when he was arrested. Though when he got out on a technicality, I was terrified again. Went into hiding. I wouldn’t even walk to work, just fifteen minutes away. I drove all the time, stayed in at weekends and evenings. Even before he got out, I was scared to go out and about, though Claire did manage to slowly get me out shopping and stuff.

The day though that Claire phoned me to tell me he was dead. The relief, the weight off my shoulders…’ Louise smiled and laughed a little. ‘I just. Felt so free, for the first time since I started dating him, really. All thanks to you.’

Chris brushed her cheek with his thumb. ‘I only wish I had tortured him more. Oh, what I’d give to go back in time.’ Chris growled.

‘Do you think your instincts knew back then that I was your soulmate and he was connected? If he had been some random, would you have still killed him?’ Louise asked.

Chris rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. ‘I wish I could say there was truth in that… but honestly, there was a stranger on my property and a potential threat to my students, plus I was in the mood to… y’know. I likely would’ve killed whoever it was. Though I was enraged more because he was looking for Claire, I thought he was her husband and she was having an affair with Loki or something and he didn’t know.’

Louise laughed. ‘Really? So you were looking out for your brother, though.’

‘I guess so.’ He hummed.

‘Well, there you go. It wasn’t completely just for the sake of killing. For Loki and your students.’ Louise smiled.

‘Perhaps… Still doesn’t change the fact I wish I could go back and do a better job of it. I hate what he put you through… You’re my soulmate, I should have protected you.’ Chris sounded a bit pained.

‘Chris… you didn’t know me, I didn’t know you. There’s nothing you could have done, it’s just… something that happened. You’re protecting me now though, you still saved me.’ She smiled and put her arms around his neck.

Chris smiled and pressed his forehead against hers.

‘I apologise if I ever make you uncomfortable, I know I tend to be a bit over possessive. I wouldn’t want to… trigger you. Please tell me if I ever do.’

‘You haven’t. I actually like it… He never wanted me, he was never like that. It’s… nice to be wanted. When you call me your human, I love it.’ She blushed hard. ‘The fact you already remember my favourite chocolates, how you want to hold my hand in public and the fun teasing. I’m not used to it, but I love it.’

Chris felt his heart melt. ‘When you decorated me with the decorations, you were a little unsure at first, weren’t you?’

Louise nodded. ‘I… I tried playing fun little pranks with him. Nothing drastic or that would hurt him, but he would go ballistic at the slightest thing.’

‘Well, I certainly hope that you’ll get accustomed to affection, even in public, I can’t keep my hands off you. I want to spoil you rotten, Louise. It sounds like you missed out a lot on your young adult life, hopefully we can make up for that together.’

Louise teared up a little bit again. ‘I hope so too.’

Chris pulled her in flush against him for the longest hug. Then when she leaned back slightly, they kissed softly for a little while.

‘I… I know from what Claire has told me that it’s probably not easy for you, going so slow, which I am sorry about.’

Chris put his finger over her lips. ‘Ah, ah. Like I said, don’t apologise for something that’s not your fault. We will go as slow as you want and need to. My vampire instincts are not for you to worry about, they’re my issue… Besides, that’s why I always have vaseline in my pocket if your scent gets too overwhelming for me and I’m worried about jumping you.’ He smirked and winked at her, making her giggle.

Chris noticed for the duration of the evening that Louise seemed even more relaxed than ever now she had told him more in depth about her past. Like she had been wanting to get it off her chest for a while.

Their food arrived shortly after so they ate through in the dining room. Then they decided to watch another movie, though they both decided on a comedy. Afterwards they talked some more about general stuff, just enjoying one another’s company. Their conversation just kept flowing so well, before they both knew it, it was already one in the morning.

It wasn’t until Bat was scowling at them and yowled loudly as she sat in the doorway of the living room, her tail thumped against the laminate floor, they realised the time.

‘Is this your way of saying it’s bed time?’ Chris asked Bat.

Bat yelled at them again and made her way upstairs.

‘She’s a good chaperone, that’s for sure.’ Louise laughed, then she yawned. ‘Maybe it is bed time.’

Chris agreed, so they made their way upstairs.

‘Do you mind if I take the front spare room?’ Louise asked when they reached the top of the stairs.

‘Not at all.’ Chris smiled at her and cupped her cheek.

He leaned down and kissed her on the lips, lingering for a moment. ‘Goodnight, pumpkin. I’ll see you in the morning.’

‘Night, my Prince Charming.’ She grinned up at him.

When Louise made her way to the bedroom, she stopped at the door and turned back around to face him. Bat had been waiting up on the landing for them and she looked between Chris and Louise, then walked towards Louise.

‘Do you have to rush off in the morning or will you be around for a while?’ She asked.

‘I’ll be hanging around for a while, if you want me to.’

Louise nodded eagerly. ‘Of course.’

Bat looked up at Louise and meowed at her, then pawed her legs to try and get her into the bedroom.

‘Geez, ok, Bat. I’m going, I’m going.’ She laughed.

‘Bat is taking this job way too seriously.’ Chris called to her as she headed into the bedroom.

‘Agreed!’ She called back.

-

Chris struggled to get to sleep, he wasn’t sure if it was because of what Louise had told him about her past, he kept thinking about that asshole Ray... Or if it was because she was just down the hall from him, and he was longing just to be holding her.

He got up to go to the bathroom, and had to pass by her room. It was only just after two, now. Though as he went past her room, he noticed she had a light on from under the door and he could hear her breathing heavy, sounding a little distressed.

‘Louise?’ He called out gently as he knocked on the door.

‘Y… Yeah?’ She called back, she sounded like she had been crying.

‘Are you ok?’

‘I… yeah… kind of… I would come and open the door but Bat is lying on me. You can come in.’ She called to him, her voice was shaky.

Chris opened the door, he saw her sitting up in bed. Bat was sitting on her with her paws up at her chest, she was purring and nudging her chin, reassuring her.

‘What’s wrong? Has something happened?’ Chris asked with a frown, concerned.

‘No, nothing… Just a nightmare… The same one I have almost every night.’ She breathed out unevenly. ‘I rarely get a full night’s sleep as it is, this nightmare… Ray. He finds me again. I thought when he died it would stop, but it hasn’t.’ She said quietly, she was a little bit distracted seeing Chris in just his boxers, though she tried not to stare.

Chris sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her arm. Bat turned on Louise’s lap and looked at Chris, she just stared at him for a second and then jumped down off the bed with a little soft meow and sauntered out of the room.

Chris looked after the cat with a puzzled look, then he shuffled up the bed further and put his arms out, Louise moved round onto her knees and into his embrace. She instantly felt better in his arms as she buried her face into his neck, her new favourite place.

‘I know saying it’s just a nightmare won’t do anything. That he really can’t hurt you anymore. I wish I could chase it away permanently.’ Chris spoke softly and rubbed her back in circles.

‘Would… would you… sleep in here with me? Only if you want to, if you’re ok with it…’ Louise asked shyly.

Chris couldn’t help but smile widely. ‘Of course. I couldn’t really sleep, to be honest. I think it was a mix from hearing your story and also knowing you were under the same roof, but not in my arms.’ He admitted with a little blush of his own.

Louise’s heart melted.

Chris climbed over her to the other side of the bed, he slipped under the covers and she shuffled in close to him as he slipped his arm around her.

‘Oh wow, this bed is like a damn marshmallow. Is that why you wanted this room, huh?’ Chris smirked.

‘Yeah… perhaps.’ Louise said sheepishly.

‘Cheeky. Keeping it all to yourself.’ Chris growled a little and dug his fingers into her side briefly, making her laugh and squirm.

‘I always go for this room when I’m staying over.’

‘Noted. The other bed is like a rock, though that’s the one that Loki set up for me when I stayed once before to watch Bat. He still hates me, clearly. Hiding this wonder from me.’ Chris sighed in contentment as he shuffled deeper into the bed, making Louise laugh more.

She couldn’t stop looking at his chest, the part that was exposed from the duvet, anyway. She had her hand lightly resting on him and she began tracing over some of his tattoos.

‘I’ve always wanted a tattoo.’ She said quietly as her fingers moved along up over his shoulder.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ She nodded.

‘Well, there’s nothing stopping you if you want one.’ He smiled. ‘We could go together if you decide you do want to get.’

‘Do you have any space on your body for more?’ She teased and raised her head to look at him.

‘I think there’s still room on my ass.’ Chris chuckled.

Louise laughed and lay her head back down on his chest. He rubbed her arm gently, holding her close to him. It felt so right, so perfect. Strangely, he didn’t feel frustrated at having her so close but being unable to do what his vampire instincts wanted, he felt really at peace. For the first time ever.

They both slept soundly through the rest of the night.

[naquey]

Hii, could I request a Mei x reader?

sorry if this isn’t how I’m suppose to request I’m new to tumble.

sorry again!-r0se-garden

You're good, this is typically how people do request. Some opt for dming people if their dms are open and such. I saw another request about a Mei x reader too, so I'm guessing he's pretty popular.

Gender wasn't specified so I'll just default to gender-neutral to stay as ambiguous as possible.

You work at Shiki with team Elf. It isn't the most glamorous job, but at least you have a roof over your head and food to eat. Your coworkers were a ragtag bunch of people who seemingly didn't get along unless it was in front of the Supervisor. Your boss.

Mei and Ido were the two you hung out with the most. They were the least chaotic and the least disruptive. Your one hobby was baking, and if anyone bothered you, their head would be on a silver platter. It was a cliche threat but it felt like it needed to be cliché.

The thing about Mei, Ido, and you was simply that those outside saw you three as the best of friends. Ido could tell pretty easily that his brother Mei had the biggest crush on his coworker, but was just too much of a coward to tell you.

The maids were cleaning up the dining room after the big dinner get together the boss had with everyone in Shiki. Ido knew you were in the kitchen but didn't tell his brother because of what he was planning. He may not say much and have a poker face 24/7 but beneath that he was a mastermind.

"Oh, it seems I left the towels in the kitchen..." It was so easy to sound upset about something so trivial, easier to get his brother to do something if he feigned being sad.

"Tch, alright. I'll go get them, but stop misplacing them all the time." Mei clicked his tongue and gathered all the plates into his arms. He was annoyed but also glad he finally got a chance to check in and see what you were making.

Busy at the stove stirring something in a pot while the light on the oven showed something in a tin pan, humming while you worked unaware of the assassin who just walked through the doorway. The clatter of plates and silverware in the sink made you practically jump out of your bones, awfully close to the boiling pot Mei caught you fast before accidentally burning yourself.

"Y/n! Be more careful!" He was quick to chastise you and cover up his panic. Of everyone at the laboratory/prison, you were the one he didn't want to get hurt.

Getting hurt changed people and he didn't want it to change you.

"Well... You're the one who walked in without notifying me! You know I don't pay attention to everything around me when I'm baking!" You flicked him in the forehead playfully, pretending to be upset.

"What are you making?"

"It's for later." You were quick to stand in front of the stove, crossing your arms over your chest with a stern look.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me." His eyes got big and sad, a tactic he often used to get at the sweet treats you make before Manji does.

"No, you always try to wrangle the truth out of me mister. Not this time."

"Please!" Mei clasped his hands together.

"Why do you want to know so bad?"

"You always make stuff really well, I want to know what to anticipate."

"Of course," You shook your head with a laugh.

"Oh, pretty please!" Mei begged.

"You're gonna have to do a lot more begging than that." You snorted.

"Ugh, fine." He rolled his eyes, clearly not giving in.

Ido leaned against the doorway, giving himself a pat on the back watching the two of you talk. He felt accomplished about something that had nothing to do with killing. There was a sense of happiness that radiated from setting up his brother with someone.

"I mean, I could beg in a lot more ways than one." Mei surprised you, he knew what he was doing.

"That's so... You're an idiot."

"What do you mean? I am completely competent."

"I didn't say you weren't competent." You sighed.

"But I mean, hey, I'm your idiot at least."

"My what..."

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes, yes you did."

"I know that!" Mei huffed, his face was turning red.

"Then why did you ask?!"

"Because I'm flustered!"

"You're flustered?! You basically confessed to me!"

"I didn't, but do you want me too?"

Now you both were yelling about something neither of you needed to yell about. Anyone near could practically hear the two of you at this point.

"Yes."

"...What?"

"I said, yes."

"To what?" He tilted his head.

"I'm not going to say it again."

"No, seriously."

"I'm not saying it." You stood your ground.

"Ugh, fine. I like you." He muttered.

"What was that?"

You couldn't help but grin and cup your hand by your ear, leaning toward him.

"I like you."

"Oh, really? I couldn't tell."

"What?! You could tell?!"

"Dude, it was obvious. I like you too, duh. Every wonder why we bicker like a married couple?"

Mei stared at you. Face a good, bright shade of red. He didn't move a muscle, if this was a dream he was too scared to wake up. Then Ido knocked something over in the background and he jumped right into you, the both of you landing in a heap on the floor.

There was no way Mei would be able to live down the embarrassment now.

It feels so rushed and I'm so so sorry if it seems that way, I didn't have a plot starting out and just stuck with not having a plot. It may not be exactly what you want, but I do hope you enjoyed it!

[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!