#// kid getting so drunk he can't remember his own name and struggling to put this wooden boat together because he's just GONE

[ferromagnetiic]

Absolutely NO ONE could have been able to prepare Linn for one of Kid's infamous birthday parties. She was very aware of there being lots of drinks; finding herself too indulging in one or other intoxicating liquor, however, was not on her list tonight. And all after telling herself she will be responsible and stay sober. Oh well. That was something the mink was promising hours ago. Time really was fleeting. Her little fluffy head is fogged up, waddling clumsily around the table and trying to maneuver her feet towards the birthday boy in question.

     ❝ CAPTAAAAAIN   !   How arr yoo doin'   ? ❞     Her rough tongue brings out only slurred words, accompanied by happily narrowed eyes. Bloodshot already. Patting her captain's broad shoulder with a prideful purr, Linn managed to position a finely wrapped box, not even small, onto the redhead's lap.     ❝ A li'l somethin' frum the ship's kidden, y'know   ? ❞     An embarrassing giggle, which most likely will be a weapon of teasing tomorrow.

Knowing her captain oh so well, the feline got her hands on a starter kit for wood and metal work. Something you would not gift a grown adult, rather a child between six and ten years old. He liked tinkering, right   ?   Maybe the shopkeeper misread her description of searching for a present for a tech fanatic 'kid' wrong. Unfortunate name his mother picked for him in that case.

     ❝ C'mon on now. Open it. Open ~ . . . ❞     Idly 'holding' his drink, taking a sip juuust to make sure it was not poisoned, and soon having trouble gulping down the burning liquid, a sharp breath. The cat lounges against his arm, eyes fixed on the box. He must like it.     ❝ Fffuck whad the hell arr yoo zzrinkin'   ?   Kerosene   ? ! ❞

     【 KID'S BIRTHDAY 2024. 】 @medicus-felini

           The cat's pissed.      Completely and utterly sloshed. The celebration has only just started, and she's obviously completely lost herself to the juice already. She rarely partakes in casual daytime drinking nor wild drunken partying alike, so Kid supposes it's inevitable that she would succumb to her intoxication faster than the rest of them. She's slurring her words and giddily stumbling around, but she looks like she's loving every moment of it, so he can't say he has any objections. It's nice to have her joining them; he was concerned she might become overly paranoid and start trying to lecture him about not accidentally meeting his untimely end by poisoning his liver. As long as nobody needs to get their stomach pumped after she inevitably blacks out later, it would all be fine.

She ambles over to him like a newborn kitten just learning where her feet are, and then she is swiping his drink from him and barely downing a single sip from the glass. Copper eyes follow her movements, though he does not intend to restrain her before the liquid has slipped down her throat.

❝ Naw, nooh kerosene; gotta ask Heat for that. Tha's absinthe. Bit much for the ship's kitten, ay? ❞

Though he is usually averse to being touched, tonight he is hammered, he is surrounded by people he loves, and he is happy. With scarcely enough time for her to catch her breath, he abruptly ensnares her with his right arm to pull her tightly against his side in a drunken embrace. His body radiates warmth, and his breath carries traces of all the drinks he has already finished, but he still holds her directly against him anyway.

❝ Oi, oi. Bein' spoiled, am I? Figured ye'd just write me a prescription. Nooh a half chewed rat, is it? ❞ The part about the dead rat is obviously a joke. The part about the prescription is also a joke unless she decides to actually take him up on it.

His smile is broad, all teeth, like he's thoroughly entertained by her inebriation. Taking the box she's delivering to him, he continues to squeeze her even more firmly against his torso, pinching her between his arm and his body as he uses both hands to unwrap the gift in his lap. It was beautifully presented until he peels the paper apart, and he automatically hands the decorative ribbon to her for her to play with if she pleases.

The picture on the front of the box and the colorful letters leave no amount of room for questioning what it is. A children's woodwork project kit, which when completed will create a little wooden boat with metal wheels on the underside so it can roll across the floor. There are no sharp instruments involved; only pre-cut pieces of wood, some screws, tiny metal wheels that must be assembled, and a square sheet of soft sandpaper. It was the kind of simplistic design that even tots barely out of their infancy could piece together without much assistance from an adult.

As soon as he's registered what it is she's given him, he's lifting the top of the box to peer at the pieces inside. The wooden blocks, intended for the smallest of hands, feel vaguely familiar, despite the fact he was never gifted a set like this in his youth.

The memory is hazy, but he still distantly remembers almost twenty years ago — making his own toys out of whatever pieces of scrap he found lying on the ground. In the days before he had anyone on his side, he built his friends out of tin cans and pieces of wire. He vaguely recalls one in particular; a soup can 'robot' with a menacing smile he painted on for its face. The can he used for his head had originally been crudely stabbed open with a knife, and the ends of the wire he used for his body were exposing needle-sharp tips, so every time he played with it he would end up with fresh cuts and smears of blood on his hands — yet, despite that, he carried that little silver doll around like his favorite toy for as long as he could hold on to it.

          He doesn't remember exactly what became of it. It was just a painted tin can, after all.

That younger him would've fawned, thrilled, and marveled over the cast metal and limewood underneath the press of impatiently indulgent fingers. A toy of similar caliber would’ve never made it into his possession, no matter how much effort he invested in saving up. It's a few years late, but that's just how things work out sometimes, he supposes.

Red lips abruptly plant themselves on top of the Mink's hair, delivering a swift kiss to her head, staining her in a perfect blotch of lipstick; an obnoxious patch that would doubtlessly remain for the rest of the night.

Had someone else amongst his crew been the one to hand him such a ridiculous gift, he would've perhaps taken it to be a good-natured prank; or an affectionate tease at best, aiming to bait him. The whole lot of them: playfully, wonderfully annoying in the only way that's familiar to their petulant captain. It seems unlikely that Linn would be guilty of committing the same crime. She was the sweetest of their bunch — and would sooner profusely apologize than risk aggravating him.

Hell, Kid won't even allude to the fact that it's been a pretty damn long time since he last considered an entry level kit like this as being anywhere near challenging. Gag gift or not, the sight of her earnest excitement made it clear that the present had come from a good place with thoughtful intentions. He merely snorts, and continues to drawl.

     ❝ Ah, yer a guid girl, Linn.           Thank ye. ❞

          With that, he's then replacing the lid back on top so he doesn't disrupt any of the pieces inside, mindful to not let anything fall out only for it to become lost for the rest of time underneath a chair.

     ❝ ...Hoo plastered d'ya think I can get if I take a shot for e'ery piece I put together? ❞

          The gift is so well appreciated it will now be turned into a drinking game.

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

This is also a college Steve and Bucky AU that I can't get out of my head Imagine a jock who is well known for always completing keg stands and winning drinking competitions and being able to guzzle down the most beer without stoping and never being able to back down from a chance at victory and he gets invited to all the parties because people just want to see how much he can take and not-so-slowly he starts to develop a tank of a beer belly that he's in denial about when he's sober and totally doesn't notice when he's drunk and it becomes a novelty at parties to pat him on the gut and hand him another beer and play with his belly and get him as full and as drunk as possible just to see the lasting effects on his growing body, and in his drunken state he slowly starts to enjoy the way people fondle his moobs and play with his gut and call him names with affection, and it eventually transcends into his sober life as well and he longs for people to pat him on the belly and tell him what a good job he's doing and bite his moobs like breasts and he doesn't even know why he has these desires but he finds himself thinking about it constantly, and he only admits how much he wants it when he's too drunk to remember his own name and surrounded by people who are a little more sober than him, who want to make him feel good but also continue to give him beer and alcohol even when he's passed his limit because at the end of the day, they really do just want to see how big they can grow that keg of a gut. He put so much effort into being a jock, and now he's subconsciously putting all that dedication into this instead

Oof, God, yeah, it's like he's turned into the campus mascot! 🥵

And yanno how a lot of college campuses will have those statues around the quad or at the entrance to one of the bigger, more important buildings that has a really shiny part because it's tradition to walk past and pat or rub the statue for luck-?

It's that, but with a student. (I'm thinking Bucky for this 💦)

Just imagine, after a particularly filling party, Bucky is sitting on the couch. His chest is heaving, moobs hanging out, his shirt long gone - who knows if he ripped it off himself in the middle of his feverish, alcohol-induced stupor or if someone managed to peel it off of him when he wasn’t paying attention, too busy consuming - his belly jiggling as he breathes so hard. He’s so packed full and heavy that he’s denting the poor furniture, crushing the padding, making the springs squeak, leaving the wood frame groaning. 

And, as per tradition, when he’s done with the last kegger, groaning his way through it, struggling to fit anything else inside himself, stomach stretched taut so much so that it feels like he’s full up to the back of his throat, even his esophagus filled, people start to come over to rub Bucky’s belly. Drunk college kids stumbling their way toward the spectacle that he’s become, slurring their praises and compliments for how good he did. How big he got. They all know the legend, but it’s one thing to know and another to see.

Bucky is damn notorious for his ability to chug. 

Nobody on campus doesn’t know Bucky’s name (or, really, the shape of Bucky); nobody doesn’t come over when they see him waddling through campus, huffing and puffing, offering at least a high five, if not giving him enough quarters for a soda from one of the many vending machines in every building - gotta keep his capacity up, right?

After guzzling everything the party instigators managed to get their hands on, doing more than one keg because he’s like that, Bucky’s unbelievably big. So round. His skin is clearly throbbing from the stretch of fitting so much inside himself. So, as he sits there, he lazily lets his legs spread wide so his heavy tummy can hang between them, resting on, and overflowing from the couch. He has to take it easy or he’s gonna burst.

So. full. 

As he takes five, his break well-earned, Bucky’s belly gets more and more gurgly under everyone’s hands. The globe attached to him - somehow a part of his body even though it’s so swollen - gets more and more red, too. New stretch marks are almost visibly etching themselves into his skin and he’s begun to shine with sweat, so exerted and heated from consuming so much. Pushing himself so far. 

Soon, a line forms - too many rowdy kids coming over to touch him. 

The touches turn from relatively light pats, everyone wanting to hear how ripe he sounds, thumping him, to harder pinches and slaps. Everyone wants a piece of him. They all want luck from the campus mascot. 

Barrel Gut Bucky Barnes.

No. 1 Greedy Boy.

Rub for good luck. 

So, by the time the party has cleared out for the night, Bucky is left there. Alone. Dazed and stuffed. He’s still sweating. He’s still trying, in vain, to catch his breath. The only difference from when he had just finished the kegger to now is that now his poor gut is redder and hotter with the outlines of handprints from where his fat has been slapped hard making him jolt and belch, the small fingerprint bruises from where he’s been pinched, shocked into hiccups by the way it aches, and lines from the girls who scratched the surface of his globe-gut with their acrylic fingernails until he moaned and shivered, moving as much as he could underneath the immense, oppressive weight of his own overfull body, trapped in place. A statue for everyone to touch and feel and gape at as they walk past.

How could anyone get that full?

Christ.

At this point, they might as well get a fucking forklift under his ass, lift him and this shitty, almost-broken, college-kid-bought couch, drive him over to the middle of the quad, and set him out there for everyone to admire openly. Bucky loves being a fat-bellied mascot but even if he didn't... he's too drunk and dumb to do anything about it now. He's in too deep. He's swollen himself too big.

[laramcelino]

My headcanons for the personality of FT characters cus they are very basic, starting with team Natsu:

Natsu:

It's already canon but, he takes fighting me advantage of everyone thinking he is a dumbass, so I like to think he uses it for everything

He is kinda shy when it comes to talk of sex and romance, maybe Igneel traumatized him idk, so he also plays dumb to avoid questioning and chat about it

Also people say because of his behaviors he looks more childlike, but it backfires when they see him getting serious and is not cute as an angry kid

Discretely start to bury himself inside his scarf when feels shy or uncomfortable

He absolutely hates the fact that the girls of the team think he is cute when shy

He is the type of person who acts drunk without even being that drunk

Like he's not a lightweight, but people assume he is drunk when he is only typsy

He likes his hair a lot, and is the only thing he puts a personal care

He hates being touched unannounced

Has a weird memory so he may forget his own birthday, but remember the name of the flower you said you like in that trip five years ago

He haves ADHD and I take no criticism in it

Has dyslexia this is why he struggles to read and write

Cus of his good hearing he gets a lot of gossip on the guild, half of it he doesn't pay attention the other half he ignores for his own good

And half of what he ignores he forgets until the next day the other half he zips inside of his brain forever, he knows some spicy shit

He likes to hear people tell stories so sometimes when Lucy just want to read instead of doing anything "fun" he asks to her to read for him

It's actually a good coach, so kids in fairy tail love to practice fisical fighting with him

Lucy:

Actually knows very well about trade and bargain, so she always get discounts for the team on hotels and restaurants, call it a family trait or evolution for spending too much with Natsu around

She is broke cus gets impulsive and buys too much clothing and accessories

Anytime the boys let she likes to dress them in a more stylish way

She knows how to flirt and it completely infuriates her when it doesn't work as she wants

As a rich girl she learn a lot of "ladylike" things such as table etiquette, embroidery and flower language

She also knows how to speak two other languages

She is a fast learner so domestic tasks where easy to pic after leaving the kozern

The only thing she suffer to learn is to bake, Mira can't help anymore

She bruises like a peach and even if she doesn't have any big scar, she have tons of small ones, mainly on her legs

People think she may be obsessed with not marking her skin, but actually don't, she cherishes her battle scars

She always knows what to gift someone, doesn't matter if it's expensive or handmade she gives the best gifs in the guild

Is a people pleaser, hard

Is the team therapist

Gives good advice but never listen to herself

She can take compliments on her appearance very well, but talk about her talents and the girl gets all flushed

Erza:

Can't cook to save her life

Aside of clothes, weapons and armors she also likes to collect plants

Doesn't means she is good at it

Even if she gets flustered when people mention sex, she haves a very dirty mind and will be the first to think dirty 😏

Is very well organized and enjoy cleaning

Secretly enjoy Natsu and Gray constant bickering, if they are fighting it means they are okay

Is overprotective (mainly to kids in the guild) to the point people need to ask her to relax

And when someone spend time to take care of her she gets emotional

She wish she was better with children but always end up scaring them

It makes her a little scared of being a mom

Once in a mission a bunch of kids run away from her after slaying a monster in a harsh way, the one child who didn't run said they wanna be like her when they grow up

Erza cried about it for an hour

Her sense of style is either terrible or spot on, depends on her mood

She loves when people play with her hair, she often sleep during it

Gray:

Tries to look as cool and stoic as Laxus, but is a dumbass like Natsu

The only thing he is better is at holding his tongue

He had a crush in half of the girls in the guild

He never tried to date cus thinks he would be a terrible boyfriend

Is shy for romance, but will deny it

He is like the protective brother of the girls so he will be jealous of then, especially Erza, Cana, Lucy and Wendy

He likes to hear gossip, even if he don't show or tell anyone

Cana is the one who tells more for him, it's like a bonding time

Also when he knew about the Gildarts thing he felt betrayed for not knowing it before, since they are best friends

Then he blame himself for not being a better friend for her want to tell, and she said: shut the drama! Sit, I have some spicy shit to tell ya

Can't take spicy food

He is very observant and often knows someone is sad just by seeing then

Was the first to understand that Natsu has a crush on Lucy and tease him for it

He have bad self-steam and compares himself too much

Is a heavy drinker but when he gets drunk he became naked honest and may cry a little

He used to go party a lot with Loke and it always end up with him saying: I'm not saving your womanizer ass again!!

Wendy:

As Natsu acts overly dumb she will grow to act overly inocent

But damn, she had read some of Erza steam books

Lucy caught her and promise to never tell anyone

Can't keep her room clean for more than half an hour

As everyone around her is loud she tends to talk more softly

But when she is too much exited she will be just as loud as everyone else

Can tell you are not okay by just hearing your voice

A great cook, and always offer herself to do the meals

It's also a part of the fact she loves take cares of others

She loves when Lucy and Erza let her braid their hair

Sometimes when Natsu's hair is longer than normal he lets her do some hairstyles too

Is very insecure of her abilities and appearance and is always comparing herself to others

Erza and Lucy noticed it and started to do girls nights with her to talk and relax

Doesn't know how to deal with compliments

She's a silent girl but very clumsy so when trying to sneak into someone she end up telling her position

For now I think is it.

I do not have many headcanons for the exceeds even though I love Happy with my heart (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥

[italoniponic]

Twst boys... the audacity

so this was actually a random idea that started as a simple "someone has the audacity of this type of person" and it just got into uh, something. I can't even manage to describe this post lol

good luck on that

tw: some got a stronger language than I intended... maybe it's nothing but just for sure, there's this warning maybe I'm giving myself too much credit

Riddle has the audacity of someone who can make math calculations in his mind and gets always the right results

Ace has the audacity of someone who can turn the blame back on you and get away with it, people are convinced of his innocence (especially if you’re an older kid/brother)

Deuce has the audacity of someone who called his teachers by the first name a dozen of times and can deck a punch both sober and drunk 

Cater has the audacity of a Instagram blogger who has +300k followers and remember all his Starbucks orders without missing a single detail

Trey has the audacity of a grandmother of 5 children and 13 grandchildren that has been baking and cooking her entire life and that’s why you should listen when you’re being said that you should put the dry ingredients first

Leona has the audacity of someone who says that he doesn’t need to call his dad because he’s already capable of beating the shit out of you

Ruggie has the audacity of someone who ran away from all the angry dogs in his neighborhood and survived 

Jack has the audacity of someone who will be called and relied on by church old ladies who needs him to reach the top shelf or put something higher because only he is tall enough

Azul has the audacity of someone who knows the names of all 500 types of Italian pasta that exists and also knows how to differentiate them

Jade has the audacity of someone who forgot what kind of mushroom he found, ate it and nothing happened 

Floyd has the audacity of someone who can bend backwards like a Soleil ballerina, grab his own ankles and walk around

Kalim can’t spell “audacity” but has money enough to erase the word from modern dictionaries 

Jamil has the audacity of someone who will taste your food, know exactly what you did wrong but will only say “it has a strange taste” and won’t elaborate further, seeing you look at him in despair

Vil is the living embodiment of audacity

Rook has the audacity of someone who knows all songs from the Les Miserables by heart, both in english and french

Epel has the audacity of a entire farmer village from the countryside that will look at you struggling eating a ear of corn and say that is because you’re from the city

Idia has the audacity of someone who built himself watching anime, knows most of the old classics, the medium tiers that nobody knows, the hyped ones and the obscure ones, so yes, he’s the god of the weebs

Ortho has the audacity of machines who gains conscience but can’t properly comprehend humanity flaws, therefore he’s superior and humanity will be slaved by machines like it’s a Isaac Asimov romance 

Malleus has the audacity of someone who will simply move you out of his way just with his hand, without actually putting that much effort in it like a a prize claw machine

Lilia has the audacity of an older senior citizen who would say “where were you when I was in the war? exactly, not even in your father’s scrotum” and sips from his pure coffee, no sugar cup

Silver has the audacity of someone who sleeps during a whole movie or lecture but somehow remember all the details 

Sebek has the audacity of someone who knows Latin and, on top of that, knows how to conjugate his own name in Latin 

Chenya has the audacity of someone who never fell in any “deez nuts” jokes and always retorts a “mom joke” with a even heavier “mom joke” because he already hates his mother + the real influence behind the whole “ligma”

Neige has the audacity of someone who passes out in the middle of the street, stays in a unconscious state for a long time and when wakes up, he says calmly “oh that was just a minor inconvenience”

(fun fact: Neige doesn't have a smug face so I had to joint his angry expression with a smile to create this mildly uncomfortable with the situation he's in but Chenya said it was going to be fun, so I'll do my best to appear "bad")

[lizzy-williams]

𝚐𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚎! 𝚐𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚎! 𝚐𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚎! | 𝚙𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚎𝚛

･:✴*pairing: peter parker x fem!reader

･:✴*warnings: Language, smut, dub-con, drunk sex, oral (f-receiving), Peter being a sneaky sneaky boy, manipulation...?, somnophilia. Skip this one if any of this makes you uncomfortable.

･:✴*masterlist

･:✴*summary: Peter's girlfriend was never good with her liquor, and one night when she has a little too much, he decides to have a little fun with her.

･:✴*a/n: Nsfw Twitter is my savior. I can't remember the username of the account that inspired this one. But just know this isn't completely my idea, I just built on it. This one is a shorty so-

･:✴*word count: 696

A crescendo of drunk giggles erupted through the hallway of the apartment complex, two seemingly intoxicated kids making their way home from an exciting night out, one obviously drunker than the other.

Peter Parker made himself rules when he went off to college, and one of them happened to be to never get too drunk. He was certainly tipsy. But his girlfriend was drunk.

She too hadn't planned on drinking so much, but Tony's open bar at a party seemed to beckon her in. One Sex on the Beach turned into four. Then came Jell-o shots and the spiked gummy bears. It was a wonder she wasn't passed out yet.

Peter would never admit this out loud, out of fear of sounding like a creep, but he liked seeing his girlfriend like this. He knew how stressed she could get, so to see her completely let loose and become vulnerable like this with him, made his heart swell with a warm fuzzy feeling.

He pulled out his keys and fumbled with the lock of the door, while y/n began to babble on about something interesting she saw on the way there. An enthusiastic comment about skinny-dipping on the roof and an onslaught of giggles later, Peter finally got the door unlocked, ushering his stumbling partner into his apartment.

Sloppily making her way over to his bed, yawning a high-pitched yawn before mumbling, "m' so sleepyyyy," before collapsing on the bed, Peter chuckling. With the force of her drop, he didn't fail to notice that her skirt lifted ever so slightly, exposing her thighs.

God, Peter loved her. And now here she was, drunk, vulnerable, and beautiful. All his.

"You should go to sleep then, baby," he concluded, beginning to take off his tie (and slightly struggling).

She blubbered something unintelligible about sleeping on a cloud before shifting her legs. Now her skirt was shifted higher, her lack of underwear now completely visible to a lovesick Peter Parker.

This is when he knew he couldn't control himself anymore, approaching his sweet, sleepy baby, beginning to caress and rub on her thighs, parting them slowly, before putting his head down in between them.

"That ticklesss," she moaned quietly, drooling.

"I'm not doing anything, go to sleep baby," he insisted, his mouth going back down as he began to tenderly lick and suck at her now wet folds.

His tongue danced across her sensitive clit as she gave small whimpers and sleepy mumbles of his name.

"Wha are you doinnn'," she moaned out more intensely now, her hips moving at their own accord.

Yet her eyes were still closed, mind drifting between sleep and being wide awake, the alcohol not improving the decision.

"M' not doing anything, sweetheart, you just drank too much is all," Peter insisted once again.

"N-No, I definitely feel somethin'."

She was confused, her world spinning as she felt a tingle between her legs that was completely indistinguishable. It was warm but felt strange. But she invited the feeling.

"You're not making any sense, baby, just go to sleep, okay?" he coaxed, "I'm gonna take good care of you."

"M'kay," she mumbled into the sheets, her consciousness waning.

His fingers were now at her entrance. Rubbing soft circles around it, he continued to use his mouth to bring her pleasure, before he slipped his fingers inside her, making her jolt, but relax only seconds later, welcoming his fingers as he set a timely pace, making her moan in her newfound state of sleep.

Suddenly, her body tensed and trembled as she came, gushing into his mouth as she released, just as he wanted her to. He couldn't help but let out a groan as he tasted her cum on his tongue, lapping it up like a man starved.

Once she was finished, Peter stood, getting up and walking to the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out some wine that was never finished, pouring himself a glass as he sat down with his back against the headboard, his best girl's head on his lap as he gently stoaked her hair.

Soon enough, they both floated to sleep in each other's arms, blissfully in love.

(Sorry if this was shitty, my writing is a little rusty. Bare with me, more stuff to come.)

[6knotty6thotty6]

So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck: 

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion. 

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered,  was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it. 

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it." 

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got. 

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it. 

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat. 

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes. 

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not. 

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled. 

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway. 

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you? 

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late! 

[finnwolfhard7137]

The Art of Falling in Love-Finn Wolfhard × Reader

Chapter Three is here...

Chapter Four: Paradise

Word Count 2.4k

Warnings: some fluff

_____________________________________

Oakes wakes you and Miles up by shaking the both of you like rag dolls.

Oakes "GUYS!" 

"Huh? What's going on?" You look at Finn who is still behind you and he is laughing his ass off.

Finn "We literally just slept outside all night." You face-palm and laugh.

Oakes "Not going to lie...that's fucking goals." Finn laughed even harder and pulled you tighter into his side.

Oakes "Did you guys not go into your trailers all night?"

You both "No."

Finn "I honestly didn't wake up at all last night."

"Neither did I and I always wake up at least once during the night-"

Finn "Me too."

Oakes "Well, you two lovebirds...it's 6:30, let's eat before we have to film." You both agree and get off of the ground.

"Shit...I got your hoodie dirty." You look at the sleeves and sigh.

Finn "Don't worry about it, I can wash it. I wouldn't change anything about last night for the world." You blush and lean into him. You spot Oakes chuckle at you two, to which you kiddingly flip him off. He repays the favor and you both just laugh like three children. 

You get taken into your trailer first for makeup and hair because you take the longest to get done, Finn and Oakes just relaxed while you were gone. Oakes noticed that Finn watched as you left and hit him on the shoulder.

Finn "What?!"

Oakes "You love her don't you?"

Finn "I sure as hell like her. What's not to like?"

Oakes "She is pretty great, you two look good together."

Finn "I haven't asked her yet, Oakes. I don't wanna rush her into anything."

Oakes "I think that she likes you too, Finn. If that is what you are worried about, you are crazy."

Finn "I just don't want to mess anything up with her, she isn't like anyone I have ever met, she is like...perfect! Y/n is like the girl that I have always imagined being with..I don't know how to explain it-"

Oakes "I know what you mean dude. You don't need to explain it, I totally get it."

Finn simply nods and takes a drink of his water.

Oakes "Just ask her dude, she's gonna say yes."

Finn "I will eventually, Oakes." Oakes rolls his eyes and he punches him in the arm and starts to laugh, "You are so pushy!" 

Oakes "Hey, I just support it! My two best friend's together...like fuck yeah I want it to happen!"

Finn "Thank you, that means a lot. I want to ask her properly...maybe I'll take her somewhere beautiful, other than the desert. Make it memorable, ya know."

Oakes "Yeah, that would be good." They continued to talk until it was their turn to get ready for the day. When you came out, Finn was walking towards his trailer which happened to be right next to yours and winks at you. You almost trip on the last step because he is just so damn cute.

…

You read your script and today, you go to school with Oakes and Boris: He doesn't leave yours and Oakes' side the whole school day, he rides with you on the bus and afterwards, you and Oakes go to his house. It sounds really fun from how the script put it so today is going to be exciting. When he comes out of his trailer, he is wearing a black blazer with a skateboarding graphic t-shirt. He honestly looks so good that you almost drool! You look away so that you don't get caught staring, in a few moments you feel his arms wrap around your neck, across your chest in a warm embrace. You can't help but smile and grab his arm in acceptance.

Finn "Well don't you look beautiful!"

"I have this stupid prosthetic on..how can I be beautiful?"

Finn "You are! Makeup, no makeup..prosthetic or no prosthetic. And hey, you won't have to wear it the whole time." 

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to future scenes.." he let go of you and crouches down in front of you and smiles. "What?"

Finn "Stop..just stop being self conscious, you are fucking perfect so stop." You smile and pull him up to you to give him a hug. You want to do more but you want him to make the first move...obviously. He hugs you tighter and you just melt. 

__________________________________

John "Action!" 

Theo "Boris, Pippa is going to join us today."

Boris "Is she really? Excellent!"

Theo "Yeah but she's worried about ya know...getting bullied."

Boris "I like her, I won't let them pick on her. She cannot help it." You come into the view and Finn smiles down at you. 

"Hey Boris."

Boris "Hey! You've been good, yes?"

"Yes." 

Theo "Come on, we are gonna be late to first period." When you get in the classroom, the classroom stared at your head. Some girls were even laughing. Boris noticed and got in front of you.

Boris "You got a problem, ay?! This woman survived a fucking bombing, show her some respect." The girls immediately started to apologize. All you were told to do was shake your head and take a seat next to Finn which you do. 

"Thank you."

Boris "Of course." Theo looked behind him and saw you two talking and gave Boris a smile like, thank you. 

John "Cut! Perfect guys." You immediately go back to your normal self as soon as he yelled 'cut' and took a deep breath. Growing up as a kid, you used to get bullied so to have to reenact what you really had to go through, was rough mentally. 

Finn "I almost lost my shit…"

"Oh really?"

Finn "Yeah, I hate bullies."

"Me too, but thankfully it's just for the movie." He agreed but before he could say anything, John yelled 'action'.

….

The school day is over and you all get on the same bus. Finn and Oakes sit next to each other and you sit by yourself on the next row.

Boris "Did you enjoy school today?"

"Kinda."

Theo "Well you did good for your first day back, Pippa."

"Thanks-"

Boris "How about you both come over my house? I have drinks."

Theo "Drinks?"

Boris "Yeah, I have beer at my house. You two should come over."

Theo "Do you want too?"

"Yeah, I don't mind."

Boris "Good. Hey, I didn't tell you earlier but um, I think that you look very pretty today Pippa."

"R-really?"

Boris "Of course." Theo nudges him so hard that he almost fell off of his seat, he immediately shoved him back but even harder. Earning a laugh from you, making Oakes look at you with a shock on his face.

Theo "Y-you laughed!"

Boris "So? Everyone laughs."

Theo "No...you don't get it. Pippa hasn't laughed since the bombing." Finn looks over at you and smiles from ear to ear, making you happy. 

"You guys make me happy. No one else does." Finn grabbed your hand from across the aisle. You don't remember that being in the script but you really don't care. 

John "Cut." The school bus stops and you all get out of the bus. 

John "Lunch break guys, you did good."

"Can I get the prosthetic off? It is starting to hurt."

John "Of course, Y/n. Next week, the movie skips a month in advance so you won't have to wear it anymore. Just hang in there for two more days and it'll be off for good."

"Alright, awesome. Thank you!" Finn walks up to you and kisses your forehead.

"Ima get this thing off, you can join me if you want." 

Finn "After you." 

Bill "oohh it started to come off."

...

"Is that why it started to hurt?"

Bill "yeah, the glue was pulling on your fine hairs."

Finn "Prosthetics hurt in general."

Bill "This is true. I have never had a client be excited to get them applied."

"I was on the first day, not anymore." You three laugh. 

It takes a good minute to get it all taken off and your hair fixed up. Finn didn't leave the seat next to you the whole time, he just talked to you and complimented you on today's performance so far. He has been your biggest supporter all week and it never gets old: hearing one of your idols tell you how amazing you are doing...doesn't get better in this line of work. 

Oakes comes in, "They got a whole buffet...you guys are missing out!"

Finn looks at you so intensely that you burst out laughing. He picks you up and carries you out of the trailer, running all of the way to the free buffet. 

John "Hungry?"

Finn "uh...a little-" he says grabbing a whole plate full of food. 

Oakes "look at him, he's a freakin' giraffe! He needs his food.." Finn almost chokes on his food from laughing so hard. Finn is really tall, especially in person. 

"You aren't wrong!" He sits down and pulls you onto his lap. John and the rest of the film crew just smile at the sight. 

__________________________________

When you three got to the house, the camera's started rolling when you guys sat down in his unfilled pool with beers and cigarettes.

John "Action." 

Boris "Would you like vodka?"

You and Theo "No thanks."

Boris "My dad drinks it all the time, so much he can not feel his feet. Literally, it has a name."

"Is it just you two here?"

Boris "Yes. My mother is dead."

Theo "Mine too."

Boris "Mine was alchie...got drunk and fell out the window."

"Jesus."

Boris "Did you lose anyone...ya know. When Theo did."

"My uncle. He took me because it was for my birthday, I just wanted to see the beautiful art with him and then..well you know. It is all my fault."

Theo "Hey, it isn't your fault."

"You blame yourself too, Theo."

Boris "You both are wrong. Don't blame yourselves! You guys didn't know that that was going to happen."

"Change the subject." Finn thought for a moment.

Boris "What is your favorite art piece in the museum."

"It is a piece called The Goldfinch."

Theo "That is where I met her, we were all looking at that painting before it all happened."

Boris "Wow...All I gotta say is that I am glad that you are here, Pippa. With you and Theo here, it is a lot less lonely."

"I am glad much happier here. You wouldn't think that the desert is better than a city but it is to me. Especially now, it is much quieter."

Theo "It will be easier for you to heal."

"Yeah, hopefully."

Boris "Don't you worry, we will all get through our own struggles together."

John "And...cut! Fantastic job guys!" This scene only took one shot to master. You three high five and get undressed because that was it for the day, the rest is for Ansel and Aneurin who play Theo and Boris older in the movie.

…

Aneurin "You make my job hard, Finn...how am I supposed to top that?"

Finn "Oh you can do it, I didn't even do anything."

Aneurin "That is my point!" Ansel joins you, Finn, Aneurin and Oakes.

Ansel "You did great today guys! I'm very impressed." You all thank him. 

Oakes "What are you shooting today?"

Ansel "With Nicole..I'm visiting her after years of not seeing her."

"Oof so an emotional day?"

Ansel "Oh yeah."

Oakes "You've got this. You can cry on command."

"You can?"

Ansel "Mhm."

"If you can cry when I tell you too, I will pay you 20 bucks right now."

Ansel "You are on!"

".....Now!" Sadly..he does in seconds. 

Ansel "Pay up, Y/n!"

"Fuck you." You hand him the 20 dollar bill, laughing in defeat. You didn't know that he could cry that quickly, or that anyone could for that matter.

John "We are shooting in 5!" 

Aneurin "I'll see you guys later." The two boys left and started shooting. 

__________________________________

You three ended up watching them film: taking in their movements and the way they say some words and how they react to comments and such. 

Finn "Hey, it's getting late. Wanna go for a drive?"

"Yeah, I'm down. Oakes, you coming?"

Oakes "Nah, you guys go ahead. Have fun."

Finn smirks at you and runs to his car, opening up the door for you. 

"Where are we going?"

Finn "I know a beautiful place back here, I've been waiting for an opportunity to take you."

"Ohh I'm excited." In the drive there, you text your mother about your amazing day and sing songs with Finn. When you are with him, it is just pure happiness and bliss. You have never experienced this feeling before: crushes yes, dating yes but not actually being in love with someone completely and fully and getting that same energy in return. 

…

Finn "We are almost here. I want you to close your eyes!"

"Really?!"

Finn "Yeah, come on close em." You feel the car stop and you hear him put the gear in park. He gets out of the car and he helps you out. A few steps forward, you can feel the sand beneath your toes.

"The beach?!"

Finn "Just wait." You two walk until he stops. "Okay, open." You open to see the most beautiful sunset over the waves.

"Oh my god. It's so..beautiful."

Finn "I knew that you would love it. I remember when we all went to Chick-fil-a, you told me that you loved the beach."

"I do, it's my paradise." Finn smiles at how amazed you are at your view. But to him, you are his view. You are way more beautiful to him than the ocean. He puts his arms around your waist and watches the waves crash onto the shore with you in his arms.

To be continued...

@moriartysringtone7137 @euphoricsunflowrr @spidey-starky @tysblackswan @strangerev @keeshonds @itlittlefangirl

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x07 - Como La Flor

Apologies for being so late this week!! Lots of translating to do, and research. Mucho gracias to @queenrikki for reviewing this one for me!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

OLD WOUNDS — Liz (Jeanine Mason) is forced to revisit a painful part of her past when her mother Helena (guest star Bertila Damas) shows up at the diner unexpectedly. Michael (Michael Vlamis) urges Maria (Heather Hemmens) to seek help after she experiences a strange vision, and Kyle’s (Michael Trevino) attempt to get Steph (guest star Justina Adorno) to open up doesn’t go as planned. Finally, Helena’s arrival in Roswell sends Rosa spiraling. Nathan Dean and Lily Cowles also star. Barbara Brown directed the episode written by Danny Tolli & Carolina Rivera (#207). Original airdate 4/27/2020. 

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel both describing to Rosa how it feels to use (and control) your powers.

Isobel:

"Ground your intention.  Feel the current running through your body, your hands guiding it with purpose."

Max:

"Okay, draw energy from your spine…"

Arturo on Rosa:

"I heard a little mouse crying in her room this morning."

Escamoles - like Liz says in the episode, they're ant larvae. One article I found called them "the Caviar of the Mexican desert". 

Helena calls Liz "mi corazón", which means "my heart".

"Arturito, te ves bien."

Arturo, you look good.

Adding "ito" to someone's name in Spanish can both be positive or negative.  It can refer to smallness or also tenderness (like an affectionate pet name).

@tasyfa pointed out that there was a little timeline error in this scene.  Arturo says that he hasn't seen Helena in 7 years, since Jim Valenti's funeral, but last season it was established in 1x12 that Valenti died in 2014.  Also, remember the show is a year behind reality right now, so it's still 2019. So off by 2 years.

The reason for Helena's visit - transferring her ownership of the Crashdown for Liz so that Liz can sponsor Arturo's residency for citizenship. I did a lot of research trying to understand and clarify why this is.  Thanks to those who weighed in when I was struggling to find a clear answer. Eventually I reached out to Define American, the non-profit org that provides support to the show on racial and immigration related issues.  Here's the response:

The short version is that Liz has to meet minimum income requirements in order to sponsor Arturo, because she has to be able to certify that she can financially support him.  Since she's currently unemployed except for the Crashdown, transferring half of the ownership to her makes her a business partner and helps her to meet the income requirements. 

The Spanish:

"¿Cuánto quieres, Mamá?" 

How much do you want, Mama?

"She has a very thoughtful manicure."

If you don't understand, it's cool. I'm not going to explain here.  Feel free to DM me though! I won't judge, promise!!

Narrative thread about Max's nightmare/memory continues from 2x03 and 2x06.  Don't forget that 2x03 was just Isobel remembering it. Max was a hallucination. So when he brings it up here, it might be something they haven't discussed in a very long time.

The Spanish from Rosa on her red jacket:

"Eres una mujercita."

Basically translates to you're a little woman or young woman.  I assume the "cita" is supposed to be diminutive here.

"Mom is an opportunist.  If she found out she had a kid who came back from the dead she would use you to get to Anderson Cooper. And then she'd use him to promote her latest lounge singer gig."

"Isobel pays double.  Becky tax." 

A Becky, according to common colloquial use, is an annoying white woman, usually entitled and privileged.

Lead bartender quit..meaning there's a job opening at the Pony…hmm. Wonder if any of our characters need a job... 🤔

Maria's vision:

Michael drops the change

Flash to Kyle dropping his keys & bending down to pick them up.

Kyle staring into a bright light.

Maria shouting his name.

"My heart was broken.  Liz ended things and a part of me died."

Max's story to Valenti… not all THAT far off from the truth.

Note: has anyone told him about Valenti investigating him? We know Liz and Isobel were questioned.  Michael was present when Liz was questioned. Kyle knows the whole theory his mom was pursuing. And he just wanders in there like nothing happened?

"Try leading several short staffed investigations with the mayor breathing down your neck."

Another subtle reference to the mayor, including the election banners hung around town in S2 and his "anti-immigrant agenda" which was referenced in S1.

Max has been with the department since he was 18 - this is the first time we learned that.  In 2x05 we learned he was there at 21. So that timeline has now been further clarified. Which also means he was hired during Jim Valenti's time as Sheriff.

"I need eyes on you at all times now."

Definitely implies a lack of trust, or possibly still wanting to keep an eye on him for the purpose of her investigation (not a fact, just a theory).

Steph tells Kyle that she's always hanging around the hospital because she's doing admin work for her dad.

"I'm starting to feel like you're a ghost who only I can see."

"Ask them if they can see me. Or if you were just talking to a ghost." 

Note that ghosts have been a running theme this season with Rosa returning from the dead. This seems to be in line with that. Or are they subtly tying Steph to Rosa (I'm grasping at straws here, probably).

Liz leaves the safe on 3...but before she changes it is on 81. Helena leaves it on 78 after stealing the ring. Good continuity, RNM!

The whole "my mom hates cops" theme is a little confusing to me.  I mean, it makes sense given what we know about Helena. Except that she had an affair with Jim Valenti, who was… a cop. And also an addict.  Maybe it was different because they rehabbed together (just an assumption, not a fact). Or maybe the Jim experience contributed to her dislike of cops.

Liz...might be grasping at straws when she refers to police work as "something you love" to Max.  He didn't exactly seem enamoured by the job when we first met him in Season 1.

First time we learn Max and Isobel's father's name. And it is… Dave. 🤔

The Spanish Helena uses when she meets Max:

"Pero que guapo estas."

But how handsome you are.

"Cuidado Arturito."

Careful, Arturo…

Helena found Liz and Diego's wedding registry online. 

“Look there are medical reasons for non-drug-induced hallucinations - epilepsy, schizophrenia…”

“My mom has a degenerative brain disease. My grandma did too. I've always known I'd be next.”

Helena wanted to be Selena.

Which fits with Liz's lounge singer comment earlier.

And the "drunkenly singing in the car with your daughters in the backseat" fits with the story Liz and Rosa discussed in 2x02 about the car accident they got into as kids with Helena driving drunk.

Helena shows Liz her ten years sober chip, suggesting that she's been sober since Rosa died, but Rosa finds pills in Helena's car later in the episode.  Oxycodone. The same drug that Rosa used to steal from her mom as a kid (which we learned about in 2x04) and the same drug that she and Kyle discussed when he was checking her health in 2x01.

During Helena's toast to Rosa:

Preciosa = precious

Rosa Linda… still not sure personally if this is a continuity error or a pet name.  I’m inclined to go with a pet name. Throughout the whole episode Helena uses lots of pet names, nicknames, diminutives to address people. Rosa Linda may be just another version of this since Rosa's middle name was pretty well established as Helena in Season 1 between her grave, memorial pamphlet, etc.

Kyle calls attention to Steph's bandage on her arm.  She says she gave blood, but it feels like she's evading.

Also she calls him McDreamy, which is a Grey's Anatomy reference. Kyle called himself McSexy (another Grey's nickname) in 1x08 as well.

Note: I've seen some people talk about the speech about his sick friend as being about Maria, but I think he's really talking about Steph.  Or both, vaguely. He's certainly trying to get Steph to open up to him. Here's what he says:

"I just found out a friend of mine is sick. And I can't do anything to help her. And I hate feeling helpless."

Only after Steph puts her walls back up, does he gesture to Mimi's files.

The Spanish:

"Oh, ándale, gùero."

Ándale is like, go! Or let's go! Gùero we discussed earlier...basically white boy.

Por favor - please 

Rosa's art that we first saw in 2x05 now looks finished:

Isobel's graffiti "In Pod We Trust"

Both Isobel and Rosa's graffiti:

Isobel's assessment of Rosa's art

"That's a black hole. An unstoppable force of destruction. And it's getting closer. I see a girl looking into her own doom. She thinks it's inevitable, that she can't stop it, but she can. See, she created it. That means she can destroy it."

Rosa on Isobel's efforts to help her:

"You and Max, you keep talking about harnessing emotion and grounding myself, right? But I can't do that.  It is in my DNA to be screwed up. Literally. My mom's mentally ill. So, so am I. I was broken long before Noah did what he did. That's why he chose me to prey on.  That's probably why he chose you too."

Maria on her grandmother:

"When I was a child my Grandma Patty was the only adult who understood my make-believe world. Thing is, I was six.  So my favorite things about her were just illness, I guess…"

Maria on her mom:

"She was always kind of out there.  By the time I realized it was more than that, I just became obsessed with money. Wanted to be able to take care of her. I invested everything Grandma Patty left me, and I worked, scrounged.  It was about three days after my mom was finally fired from her job at the Pony, I bought the place."

Maria's blood does not contain the alien protein that Kyle found in the Pod Squad and Rosa after being in the Pod for a decade. (and yes, he actually said Pod Squad, which feels like an OG fandom victory)

"Look, there is one thing I noticed in your grandmother's file. Her insurance company is the same one that paid for my dad's cancer treatments...My dad got cancer because of an alien incident at Caulfield Prison. A fake insurance company established by Project Shepherd covered his bills."

"Okay so my grandmother got sick at the same alien prison where your mother died?"

More Spanish (there's lots of it this week).

Helena, when she gestures to the present:

"Abre tu regalo."

Open your gift.

Quinces is just slang for Quinceanera.

Just in case you're not familiar with quinceaneras (Liz's was also referenced in 1x02).

"Mija, me enseñas tus prom photos?"

Daughter, show me your prom photos.

Regarding the power outage.  Liz thought it was Max. Max thought it was Rosa. But the wire is frayed, like it was cut or chewed through. So it wasn't alien power related.  When Arturo finds the wire though, he says, "Must have been a little mouse." Which is how he referred to Rosa earlier in the episode. So the question is, does he actually think it was a mouse? Or does he think Rosa cut the wire? And if Rosa did cut the wire, then why? To distract them while she goes after her mom's car?

In the big Liz/Helena argument, Helena calls Max “a güerito cop”.  Güero means white person, similar to the more commonly used gringo.  But by adding the “ito” onto the end (like discussed before), Helena is basically diminuitizing Max.  She’s using the “smallness” above to basically imply that he’s some white nobody.

“I may not be the PTA mom who made cookies for bake sales or hosted sleepovers, but I sacrificed everything to come to this country to give you a better life.”

This is...not actually true.  Liz and Rosa are both natural born U.S. citizens, born in Roswell.  So she didn’t “come to this country” for that reason. She was already here when Liz and Rosa came into the picture.  And it’s not like she came pregnant with Rosa or anything, since Rosa is Jim Valenti’s daughter.

The ring that Helena took was ARTURO'S mother's ring.  It wasn't even Helena's family's heirloom.   

Liz and Arturo sharing flan for dessert.  At the start of the episode before Helena arrived they discussed making flan for Rosa.

Arturo admits that he always knew the truth about Rosa's heritage. (*fistpump* that's one of my headcanons coming true). 

"Rosa es mi hija, siempre y para toda la vida."

Rosa is my daughter, always and for life.

"Maybe you're right. I am playing the hero. Just like you're playing the politician's perfect arm candy.  See, I did a little digging. And your boyfriend, Dirk-- he ran for city council. It's very impressive. But there's no mention of your daughters. I'm guessing Dirk doesn't even know about Liz or Rosa.  Does he know anything about you, Helena? 'Cause it would be such a shame if he found out about a little town called Roswell."

Helena gives Max the ring, but keeps the box… maybe that's what Helena really wanted?

Huevos = eggs.  Basically, slang for balls.

"I know that face.  You uncovered a massive conspiracy."

"I checked the Caulfield drives. No sign of a Patricia DeLuca, but there was a Patricia Harris. Her maiden name. She signed up to participate in an experimental trial. Government was interested in weaponizing alien abilities. They wanted to create super soldiers. Your grandma was one of the first human subjects."

"Kind of wish I was an alien instead."

"What happened to the experiment?"

"It was a total failure. Caulfield shut it down in the '70s after people started dying. I don't understand how your grandmother got involved."

"I do. Henrietta Lacks, Tuskegee, Holmesburg.  The DeLucas aren't the first black people to be secretly experimented on."

Highly encourage you to read these if you're unfamiliar with any of these references.  It's African-American history (and really a black mark on U.S. history) that's rarely taught in schools.

Henrietta Lacks:

Tuskegee:

Holmesburg:

Reality versus Maria's flashes… great gifset by @rosaortecho on this here:

Kyle rips his jacket, staggers out to the parking lot, drops his keys, and is almost hit by a car, but Michael throws him out of the way with his powers (and Kyle still ends up injured because he lands on a glass bottle).

"Now that we know your illness is related to Caulfield we can find a cure for it."

"Maybe it's not an illness. I saw the future today, Guerin. When I first found out Grandma Patty was experimented on, I was furious.  But what if my genetic inheritance isn't just injustice? It's also actual superpowers. Saved a life today. And not just any life-- Kyle Valenti's. Tomorrow he's gonna turn around and save five more lives."

Liz and Rosa's dueling big sister act is super fascinating.  Rosa admits that she wasn't going to burn the car, and then she saw Liz crying, felt helpless, and that's when her powers went all wacky and caused it to explode.

Meanwhile, Liz has spent the whole episode trying to keep Rosa safe from Helena, and is trying to comfort her here by talking about Helena's sobriety.

But--Rosa stole Helena's pills, so she knows Helena is not sober, and she doesn't tell Liz that.  Why? To protect her.

At some point these two should probably stop keeping secrets to protect each other and start actually sharing what they know.

Kyle stitches himself up.

Steph quoted in this scene:

"I was up in the gallery contemplating American downfall thanks to progressive socialism."

"People tend to bail when things get real. I'm not into that."

Cameron's car was impounded a couple hours away.

Max is turning in his badge and gun and is turning down desk duty to search for Cam.

Isobel and Michael's discussion at the Pony:

"Do you think that Noah chose me because I was already broken?"

"I think you are the only one of us who ever keeps it together."

"I'm serious, Michael. The night that drifter attacked me, why am I the only one who started blacking out? I mean, Max literally murdered a man, but I'm the one who breaks?"

"You were traumatized. We were kids. At that age, trauma gets etched on to your soul."

"But what if it's not in my soul? What if it's in my DNA? Look, my whole life, I've played Stepford wife, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. But...I need to understand myself now. I need to know where I'm from.  And if I don't know who my biological parents are, how am I ever gonna know who I really am?" 

"What are you saying, Iz?"

"I know that we said we shouldn't look into the past, but…"

"It keeps pulling you back. Me too. I spent my whole life thinking I'd build a ship and blast off into the ether. And then the minute I decide to leave that all behind and focus on this good thing in front of me, I'm sucked back in. Maria's family was experimented on at Caulfield. I need to find out more so I can find a cure for her illness."

Rosa takes one of her mom's pills. 😭

MUSIC:

1. Cactus Groove "This World"

2. Shelly Fairchild "Drive"

3. Mathis Hunter "Mrs. Vinegar"

4. Big Stone City "Good For Zero"

5. Big Stone City "Way Down Below"

6. Selena "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom"

7. Elizabeth Moen "Best I Can Do"

8. Wagons "Keep Coming Back"

9. AG "Where Is My Mind" (Pixies Cover)

[bewitchingwitch]

Constellations Pt. 15

Hey guys I’m so sorry for along so longtime o Update I’ve had writers block for such a long time. Thank you for encouraging me to fight through it and a special thanks to @lexxierave @hannah-mic @bowtrucklescamander and @fricktheitinerary for commenting on my posting and inspiring me to keep in writing and for showing me how much my work means to you! :)

So here it is part 15 featuring Adonis as Liam Hemsworth. I believe @newletas said that she saw Adonis as Liam Hemsworth and for this chapter it was very fitting! This is for you

Word count: 3, 170

Songs: One Of us- ABBA for the first part of the chapter and then My love, my life- ABBA for the second part

Your head was swirling, you were being practically pulled part as you struggled against Adonis. He had apparted away with you in his arms and you had been trying to pull away. You had no idea what would happen if you separated during a transportation, but you didn't care. Newt and Theseus were in danger. And so were Queenie and Jacob.

But it was no use he was holding onto you too hard. Wherever you were going it was taking an awfully long time. You never liked appartating or using portkey to travel it always gave you nausea. You much rather preferred driving in your car or walking. You felt lightheaded, you closed your eyes in a hope that it would ease your stomach.

How could you let this happen? You should have just gone back with Adonis when he had asked at the Quidditch game. And none of this would have happened. No. You should have never left home for that year. You should have stayed and prepared for the wedding. Then you would have never gotten the Scamander brothers mixed up in your family drama.

Your thoughts crashed down around you as you came to a jerky stop. You felt ground finally settled underneath your feet. You began to open your eyes and your vision came back into focus. At first you had no idea where you were but as you looked around you noticed certain features of this room. The high ceilings, the crisp white walls, the golden curtains that surrounded the roof high windows. They fluttered around encasing the whole room.

The sunlight streamed in covering the piano in a yellow glow. You hated playing the piano, during the summers your grandmother would make you practice your scales over and over on her grand piano until your back hurt from sitting in the small stool. But she would never let you leave because it was never good enough for her. A black tabby cat laid lazily atop of it. It stared at you with unnaturally golden eyes. It hissed at you. At that moment you knew exactly where you were.

You were back in a place you never hoped to see again. You were in your grandmothers house. 

A big black cat that was easily the size of a dog sauntered into the room. It's eyes glowed yellow, no pupil, no iris, just golden light emitting from its eyes. The cat that was laying across the piano sat up at attention and jumped off. It began to trail the big cat and one more similar to the other followed. Another dog sized cat sat in the corner of the room it's eyes cast downward.

The cat slowly began transforming into an older woman covered head to toe in white. One of the small black cats jumped into her arms while the other circled around her feet. It was your grandmother. "(Y/n)." She spoke stiffly.

"Grandma." You responded dryly.

"Lyra dear. Aren't you going to welcome your own daughter home. " Your grandmother called out to the cat like creature that was still tucked away in the corner.

You watched as your mother transformed into herself. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun, she had the same hair color as you expect it was streaked with strands of grey. "Hello darling." Her voice was hollow. She seemed to be sucked out of life when she was here, when she was with your father was when she was happiest.

Your mother has fell in love with your father at a very young age, which was a scandal all on its own. But the fact that he was a muggle made it even worse. She was supposed to marry this rich wizard from Scotland but instead she ran off with your father. Your grandmother was disgraced by this. In hopes of reclaiming your family's pure blood legacy she was going to marry you off to Adonis. It was accident that you met him, you were supposed to marry the son of the rich Scottish wizard but when you met Adonis your grandmother was over the moon. He was of much better status. And you gladly content with marrying him. Which was fine until he went crazy and came to get you 3 months early.

The black cat that circled around your grandmothers feet was staring at you. You hated cats and yet it seemed ironic that your family curse was indeed cats. All of the women in your family had the ability to transform into these cat like creatures that were the size of dogs.

"So I see you're back early." Your grandmother clucked her tongue as she sat down in a chair motioning you over to sit next to her. You remained standing.

"Not at my own free will." You shot back. You crossed your arms over your chest. Your grandmother looked you up and down you could see the disapproval she had as you surveyed your messy hair and crumpled dress.

"Greens not really your color kitten. Neither is blue." Your pet name that your grandmother had for you made disgust run throughout your veins.

"I think it looks nice." Your mother spoke up from where she was standing. She was being so quiet you had forgotten she was even there.

You paused before answering. "Thanks." You were a little betrayed that your mother didn't think of warning you about Adonis arriving.

Adonis was still had a grip on your waist. He was starting straight ahead. His stubble was still very evident and he still smelled of alcohol. He was obviously drunk when he came to fetch you from the club.

"I can't say I was too pleased that Adonis decided to come and fetch me especially at your command." You glanced over at your grandma. She just gave you a sly smile.

Your grandmother lifted her hand in the air and snapped, the sound ringing throughout the house. Immediately Adonis stood at attention and dropped his hand from your waist. He moved to stand at your grandmothers right side.

"Adonis what are you doing?"

"Whatever I say. You see deary Adonis didn't come to get you at that Quidditch match."

Your interrupted her. "Wait how do you know about the Quidditch match?"

"I did."

"What?"

Your grandmother smirked at you while your mother cast her eyes downward.  Your grandmother took out her wand from her coat pocket and held it to her lips. "(Y/n) where's your ring?" As she spoke so did Adonis he was like a moving puppet. You were horrified

For the first time you noticed how his normally brown Carmel eyes glowed golden like your grandmothers did now.

"What did you do?" You asked with a quivering voice.

"What I had too." Your grandmother placed her wand down but still Adonis was in her control. Her butler brought her a cup of tea in a white cup and she took it, taking a small sip. She stared at your through the smoke, her golden eyes looking like headlights piercing through fog. "You see there was a article in the  Daily Prophet a couple of days ago, saying that you were gallivanting around with the most eligible bachelor in the Wizarding world. Theseus Scamander. "

You remembered the paper and your were shocked that someone had managed to get a picture of the two of you kissing. It was supposed to be a private moment but it soon became the most talked about gossip in Paris.

Your grandmother continued. "Now you can imagine my surprise when I saw that my engaged granddaughter was running around with a ministry official. It wasn't long after that I received a visit from Adonis he came here drunk crying his eyes out. He was devastated that you were cheating on him-"

"I wasn't cheating on him I-" your grandmother help her hand for silence and if by magic you stopped.

"He was completely broken, I'd never seen a man so raw before." You snuck a glance at Adonis, your heart softened, you never intended to hurt him. "Anyway I welcomed him in of course and we sat here on this very couch. Now I knew your actions could not go with out consequences. I sat him down and offered him a cup of tea. He took it and he begged me to help him get you back. And I asked him if he would do anything for you. And he said I'd do anything. Are you sure I asked in return. And he responded with all my heart. And that was all I needed."

"You didn't."

"Oh but I did." Your world shattered around you. Your grandmother had done the unthinkable. She had put your family's special spell on Adonis. This spell when combined with a cup of tea, spiked with a bit of magic, those who agreed to the terms and drank it were under there control. Your grandmother was famous for it, it was how she "handled things."

You should have known before from the harsh words Adonis has said at the Quidditch match, to the way he was so rough and violent at the dance. He was under a trance. She had been speaking through him, manipulating him in her game.

Your grandmother set her teacup down at the coffee table and picked up her wand. She mumbled the counter curse and Adonis slumped forward, catching himself of the back of the satin couch.

He shakily probed himself up. He placed a hand to his forehead letting out a small groan. He blinked as if his eye sight was still blurry. You watched as the golden light seeped out of his eyes tricking down his cheeks like tears. "W-whats going on." His voice was raspy like he hadn't spoken for days.

You turned to your grandmother. "How could you."

"You left me no choice." She stood up and sauntered over to you. She was a couple inches shorter than you but none the less you cowered at her stance. "What was a supposed to do pray tell me dear granddaughter? Was I just supposed to let you do whatever the hell you wanted. You are no longer a kid (y/n), you need to stop acting like your actions won't have repercussions. I did what I needed to do for this family, I suffered for the sake of my family's legacy, I married a horribly abusive man for the sake of keeping our bloodline pure." You felt your eyes grow wide at this. You never really knew your grandfather, he never seemed to be around. But as you thought more about it your childhood memories seemed to resurface. You remembered visiting your grandmother and seeing purple bruises decorate her skin. But she never seemed to show any pain around you.

You wanted to hate your grandmother but this memory caused you to bite your tongue and let her continue her rant. "And here is a young man who loves you, who wants a life with you! For Merlin's sake actually cared about you and us not marrying you for your bloody namesake." Tears began to form at your grandmothers eyes as you looked you dead in the eyes, gesturing to Adonis behind her. He shot you a weary smile. "You are so naive. What must it be to not only hold the Keys to this boys hearts but to dangle those two boys in strings in your little love game. You think it doesn't affect them, you are so naive.  You are so stupid! You know what you have to do (y/n). Grow up and do what is right." She took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. She looked back at you and for a moment you could see just how much she had suffered for your family. This did not make you forgive her but it made you understand her. "So yes I did what I had to. I did what was best for you and for this family." She held her head high starring you down.

You looked around the room surveying those in it. Your grandmother had done her duty to the household and yet she was miserable. Your mother had followed her heart but at the same time cost her family everything. And in the end was she even happy? How could you be happy being separated from the love of your life and only being allowed to see them every once in a while. You came to the conclusion that no matter what you did you would always be stuck in this pressure to do what was right. So you made you decision.

You lifted your head up and looked your grandmother in the eyes. "Fine I'll marry Adonis." Your grandmother looked shocked at your words, as if she had not expected you to agree. "But for the family." You said the last part softly, but at the Adonis turned to you and you couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eyes.

********************************************

You sat in up in your room your grandmother had for you. It still looked the same after all these years. The walls covered with posters featuring musicians or famous muggle artists. You laid across the bed on your back staring up at the sealing, the family crest painted up there. When you were younger you tried to paint over it but no matter what you did it burned through it. You could still see the faint outline of various murals you had attempted to do.

You tossed and turned it was a early in the morning but sleep seemed to have abandoned you. Reluctantly you transformed into your cat like state, you always seemed to sleep better this way. You paved around the bed, kneading it before you settled down. Sleep was slowly approaching when you heard a knock at your door.

As you jumped off of the bed you transformed back just in to open the door. As you did you cake face to face with Adonis. "Hey." His eyes were tired. He had changed out of his clothes and had slipped into an oversized ravenclaw sweater with sweat pants.

"Hey."

"Can I come in?" He rubbed his hand up and down the nape of his neck in a nervous manner.

You didn't say anything you just opened the door further and sat down on the bed. He followed and sat down weighing his side down. "I came to talk about to earlier. I'd didn't  mean to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I did it wasn't you saying those things to me. It was my grandmother speaking through you." You kept your gaze cast downward.

You could feel his stare on you. "What did you mean when you said you'd marry me for the family."

"Adonis don't do this." You felt the lump forming in your throat. You felt the weight of the bed shift as he moved closer.

"Look at me."

"I can't."

"Why my love?"

"Please don't call me that. I'm unworthy of that title."

"Don't be silly." You felt his hand cup the side of your face. He ran his thumb over your cheek bone in a soothing manner. "You are the love of my life." You looked up at him. "I love you (y/n)." He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your lips. You didn't even respond. He pulled away but kept his hand on the side of your face. You laid your hand over his.

His eyes watered, his face was stilled stained with golden tears and now new ones accompanied them. "Did. Did I ever have a chance?" His Adam's apple bopped up and down.

You felt tears escape your eyes and well. "Of course." You saw his shoulders relax. "But-" His shoulders tensed and he let out a shaky breath.  You threw yourself into his arms and buried your face in his shoulder. You aren't strong enough to tell him to his face. His familar smell welcomed you but you knew that soon it would no longer be yours. "That was Once upon a time, we're no longer kids. "

"But you are my one and my only." His voice quivered. "I grew up with you and watched your transform into the person you are today. Was it a dream, a lie."

"Never." You broke down and gripped on tightly onto his sweater. You sniffled.

"But I can see it all so clearly." He ran his hand through your hair. " I'm now sitting here today close to you and yet I there is a distance. I could see it in your eyes when I came here." He swallowed hard before pulling you as close as he could. "I can't lose you."

You pulled back and looked him in his eyes. They were back to his normal Carmel brown color. You rand your hand down his face and stopped close to his mouth. He pressed a kiss to your palm. "You never could you are my love and my life."

He ran a hand through your hair before tucking it behind your ear. He gave you a sad smile. "But I no longer posses you." He asked as he held on a little looser.

Your silence was answer enough. "What are we going to do?" You rocked back and worth him holding you tightly now as if he was afraid any moment you were going to leave him just like his family had. "You are all I have." He whispered far to lowly for your to hear. "I know I don't posses you but tell me why it's so hard to say."

"I'm going to marry you." You refused to look back at him, you wanted to at least enjoy this moment, you knew that moments like this were over.

"Even though you don't love me?" His voice was dull. He shifted to where you were holding him. You were on your back and he was laying on top of you, his face pressed against your chest listening to your calming heartbeat, his words muffled. You wrapped your arms around him.

You lifted his face to yours. "I love you Donnie I'm just not in love with you." You sadly smiled as tears continued to trickle down your face.

"You will still be my one and only, my love, my life. If if I no longer posses your heart." Adonis said as he kissed you softly and it was only for a moment. But he knew even if you married him it was no longer for love but for obligation. This time you kissed back. It was your way of saying goodbye. And yet it was never enough, because how do you say goodbye to your first love.You kissed each other as the sun began to rise and as morning came you knew that you no longer belonged to one another.

Tag list: @hearteyesmotherclucker @theroyalbrownbarbie @hoodedbirdie @annyinlovewithkpop @c8n10n4o2-geek @martarosado @nanjaeminie @moisoverennyi-thestarlessone @profangirllex @gaenahelleborus @melodramaticmelon2118 @michellekstr @nctyong-xo @preppy-by-the-c @sweetlyshinylady @emo-plaidin @dreacantsleep @theetherealbloom m @lily2089 @mywckdmind @barbarachern @imbiandiwanttocry @ollyoxenfrees @newtslatte e @pettylady @februarycalum @justanotherenglisheducationmajor @feelthefeelingsinsideyou @ombriescent @ztinge @liloefuru u @babywizardoll @heckin-kat @thewitchmadness @bunnie-kookie @the-fandom-life-forever @missanonyma @frozen-blue-eyes @newletas @sassycassyhoneybee @spookysunflowr @arosewithdaisies @spreaded-butter @dreacantsleep @constantdisgrace @madamnouiselle @pureawesomeness001 @hp-forever-generation @princeofsassgard @hereiamhereigo @coniumalces

[ratilyn]

I'm so happy and I'm so sad. Yesterday my boyfriend and I decided I'd uber to his to bOnk. It was amazing. Spontaneous. It made me happy. And afterwards, we recorded our podcast about addiction and struggling with mental health which was heaps of fun. I know nobody will listen to it, but it was really fun. Who cares. Now I'm on my way to work. Ive been working at this place for over a month now and I still don't have my uniform so I have to wear white shirts that are stained with sweat and chicken skin. They've been put through the wash many times and they still look gross. I hate my job but it's honestly not too bad. I get to listen to other podcasts and I've lost 5kg within a month of working there. My ass has gotten bigger and my stomach has gotten smaller and even toned which I couldn't be happier about. But I'm making money and I'm doing what I have to do. Last night, I made our podcast art/thumbnail which took me hours, and it looks awful considering it was my first time creating digitally. But even though I was exhausted, I was so happy. Im going back to my roots, this time, not wasting half a day doing nothing, then getting drunk or high and sketching. Now, I'm sketching ideas, painting, then going to work, coming home, finishing off some details and going to sleep. I actually see a future with this guy. I remember when we first met. I was hungover and I couldn't be bothered going into the city to meet him, but I realised I had nothing to lose, so I did. We got on so well. I was forced to catch the last train home because I was having so much fun. He invited me over the next night and we realised we had the same music taste, sat on his roommates couch for hours, just singing. Then we recorded a version of a song we liked. Then... He got crazy messaged from a woman he was seeing before me, but I didn't care. I didn't think it'd go anywhere so I went with him to grab his clothes from her house. Now, it's 6 months later. I know it hasn't been that long. But within 1 week of knowing him, I gave him a tattoo while we were drunk and out of our minds. 2 months later, I moved in. His roommates knew my name and they liked talking to me. 6 months later, I finally have a stable job, so I'm not laying in his bed all day anymore. We go out for dinner. We fight sometimes, but we resolve it within 5 minutes. He's someone I can never hide anything from. He knows me too well. He says we're good together, and at first, I was terrified. Some nights, I still am. But I know he's right. He was the first to ask me out. He was the first to tell me he loved me. We were both drunk and stoned, but when his friends left to get more drugs, it was just us. Standing outside, looking at the stars. I'll never forget it. He was so fucked up, I thought he was kidding. He told me he loved me and I laughed and said it back. I actually don't think I was ready but in that moment I felt so safe and so in love. That was... God, I can't remember. At least 4 months ago. We've been together for 6 months now and we know each other too well. I love his roommates so much, but we both agree it's time for us to save up and get a place of our own. Who knew that the one night I wasn't looking to go out, but I did anyway and it led to shitty matching homejob tattoo's on the 2nd date and moving in together 4 weeks later and now, 6 months later, we're planning to get a place of our own. I never thought I'd be here. I'm so lucky I met him. And if, in the end... It doesn't work out. That's okay. It will hurt like a bitch but I'm so lucky to have experienced it.

Amor Fati

Xxx

[jesusesmainhoe]

8 - 5 - 2020

Yesterday afternoon, after successfully getting my message across to the boy my heart belongs to, the conversation did not go the way I was expecting it to. My poem was too much for him. He said he felt he needed to hang up the phone because my poem was too "deep". He then referred to me as his "best friend" and informed me that that was all that he wanted for me. It shocked me how quick he switched up on me. Because not only did he and I discuss a future, but there was also a time where he mentioned even marrying me at one point. He used to call me his lover. Whenever we would talk on the phone he used to tell me that he he loves me. But the boy that I spoke to yesterday on the telephone was not that same boy at all. In fact his voice was very dull and low toned. He sounded completely different. He sounded emotionless. For all the words that I had put into my poem went through one of his ears and right out the other, as he made those remarks to me so emotionless and bitter. I was hurt, I was sad. But luckily I have enough inner self love and enough friends around me who love and support me that I can always turn to for guidance.

Anyways..I did have some drinks last night all of these drinks that I tried in the images were a first time try. My personal favorite out of the three was the Choco Vine. It's a Dutch wine with a blend of chocolate and red wine. It's bitter but followed with a very sweet taste, almost reminiscent of a Mexican Mudslide. When I returned to my camping grounds after having a couple drinks at the park, there were a few kids about my age sitting around the fire pit, and the fire pit was BEAUTIFUL, I had to get a photo. They let me join them and sit with them and have drinks with them. I spoke to a girl who told me about her experience being in a mental hospital, she also told me about how she too would push people that loved her and tried to support her away because of her own internal psychological struggles. She said she understood how I felt, because she regretted doing that to others when she was in the position that "the boy I love" is currently in. We had long conversation..I wish I could remember her name she was very nice and so was her girlfriend, and so was the boy who sat in the back completely faded drunk by the fire. I don't remember their names I was pretty drunk too. Anyhow, I ended up so drunk that I had a breakdown. It didn't feel good at all. But when I get like that sometimes I can't control myself which is why I don't drink too much. Every time I do it hits my emotions. No matter how little I drink or no matter how much I drink. I am okay now, although last night I was a sobbing, snotty mess once I got back to my tent. And this morning I was a hungover wreck. (Hence the photo of my swollen face LOL.)

Today I have no intention entirely set. I think I will take the day to just rest and think. But I suppose that could be an intention in itself. In my next post I will share a photo of the poem that I have written for 'him'. Perhaps later I will give myself another tarot reading. I often try to give myself a reading daily. I will start to share those. So I suppose my intention of the day could be to get some rest and give myself a reading. I should also cleanse my space. That's all for now.

Until next time,

-Mal

[xominseo-blog]

Unstoppable (3)

Genre: Romance, angst, (future smut)

Length: 1,6k

Characters: Kim Jongin, Oh Sehun, OC

Part: 3/?

Summary: “Meeting him was the start of something drastic in your life”

He had a handsome face no doubt, you could even dare to think that he was the most handsome guy you had seen in your life. His gaze was strong on you, his eyes were a typical brown color but so hypnotizing that it even made you feel intimidated, so you looked away your cheeks getting red in embarrassment. 

“What is girl like you doing out at this hour?” he chuckled, getting closer to you and his hands putting a little more force on your waist.

You started to stutter searching for the correct words to say, you didn’t know if you were stuttering because of your drunken self or the proximity of this unknown handsome man so you just said the first thing that came to your mind.

“You look like a carrot”

He started to laugh loudly at your words, of course you were drunken out of your mind, like they say little kids and drunk people always say the truth. 

He let go of your waist so you could sit again at the bench “Okay doll where do you live?” he asked sitting next you “I can't let a pretty girl like you alone at this hour of the night including that you’re very drunk” 

You scoffed, you didn’t want go nowhere you were alright there but then and a random stranger just comes here and takes the decision to take you home, no thank you. “Why should i tell you? For the record i don’t even know you, you handsome stranger”. He laughed again, the scene for him was hilarious. 

You opened your mouth to say something but that’s when your cellphone rang for nth time of the night, it was surely your sister, you didn’t answer before because you didn’t want to deal with anything right now, you just wanted it to be your drunken self and your broken heart. You were going to press decline when the phone was suddenly snatched from your hands before you could even do it.

“Hello” he answered. You immediately tried to reach out for the phone but of course had no success he grabbed both your hands with his free one to stop you. “She isn’t in the state to answer right now…” he looked at you watching how you struggled. “She’s at gwanggyo lake park… no, no don’t worry it’s late i can take her” 

“I don’t want you to take me anywhere, let me go!” you said starting to get desperate to get free. “I’m… a friend” he answered doubtedly at the person in the other line since it wasn’t even ten minutes since you just met.

“Friend my ass, let go of me!” he chuckled lightly at your words and just smirked at you.

“Okay i’ll take her there in thirty” and with that he ended the call and gave you your cellphone back, you tried to look at him with a mad face but to him you just looked adorable considering your state.

“Okay doll can you walk? I’m going to take you home” he stood up from his place and looked at you waiting for your answer. 

“I’m not going anywhere” your crossed your arms over your chest  answering confidently.

With that said he suddenly lift you up your place and charged you putting your body in one of his shoulders your face facing his back and started walking.

“HEY LET ME GO! LET ME DOWN YOU PERVERT!” You said shouting and hitting his back but he didn’t even budge a bit. 

You were starting to make a scene, there was a couple passing by and you shouted to them “HELP ME! SEND HELP! HELP ME THIS CARROT GUY IS… AH!” He suddenly put you on your feet again before you could finish and roughly pulled you by your waist making you be dangerously close to his face, you widened your eyes in surprise from the sudden roughness.

“Okay baby girl if you don’t want me to kiss you, make this easy and shut up or i’ll make you” His eyes looking at your lips for a moment, then raising them to look at your eyes. You just gulped and nodded your head in agreement. He chuckled and charged you in the position you were before and kept walking again.

You were already halfway from you house when he decided to speak. 

“Why are you this drunk love? Had a bad day?” You hesitated to answer since you didnt even know the guy, but you thought well maybe i might never see him in my life again so you why not?  

“Just a stupid guy that broke my heart” 

“He rejected you?”

“No, he cheated on me” The carrot guy just nodded his head in a comprehensive way, you couldn’t see though but you felt it. “I found out the day of our second anniversary what he was doing… and to think i was going to give into him how stupid” you added with a sigh. He knew you couldn't see him but he widened his eyes in surprise at what you said since you already looked old enough to still be a virgin. 

“There still a lot of guys out there doll don’t get yourself like this over a douchebag, not worth it” Your eyes filled up of tears at his words, you knew he wasn’t worth it but but still the ache in your heart couldn’t go easily away. 

“I know, but all i want is to be sincerely loved this time”

-

He put you on your feet since you were now in front of your house and you just sighed, preparing to get bombarded with questions from your sister.

“Okay doll is it here?” you agreed with your head and looked at him a bit pissed off that he brought you here, you would prefer that he’d taken you to Ji Won’s instead but your sister had chosen a great timing to call.

You were a bit sobered up already so you could walk without falling down at the first try but you still held yourself on the wall next to you so you be secure you wouldn’t fall, you made a goodbye motion with your hand and turned around to head towards the door when the carrot guy suddenly pulled you back at him hitting his chest. 

“Don’t i get at least a thank you reward? You're quite heavy” He chuckled a bit smirking at you. 

“I-i never asked you to bring me here, so i’m not giving you anything” You said avoiding his gaze since he was making you feel nervous all of a sudden. 

“Fine, i’ll claim it myself then” You turned your head to look at him in confusion and thats when he pushed your back to the wall and connected his lips to yours. At first you didn’t answer his kiss from the surprise but slowly you just gave in.

The kiss was full with passion, it wasn’t rough and desperate but instead it was delicate and slow, one of his hands went to your ass and gripped it making you gasp in surprise and with that he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth. You never had a kiss so experienced and with so much passion for sure this handsome stranger was giving you the best kiss you ever had in your life.

You both started to separate from the lack of air. The hand that was previously in your ass crept up to hold your cheek and said darkly.

“My name is Oh Sehun, don’t forget it love” he let go you slowly almost careful like if you were made of glass and went away. 

To say you were shocked wasn’t enough… what a day. 

-

You woke up and turned off your alarm, you saw the hour and it was 7:30 a.m. you didn’t have to go to school since it was saturday but you had to go to help at the veterinary store your uncle owned, you sighed in exhaustion, your head hurt and you felt like vomiting but you tried to ignore it and went to the shower to get ready. 

You already finished showering when you remembered what happened last night, you were still in shock of course how wouldn’t you, it was such a rollercoaster of emotions yesterday since what happened with jongin, you getting drunk and lastly that kiss with the stranger. “My name is Oh Sehun, don’t forget it love” you shivered at the memory of his last words, you were so deep in thought that you jumped a bit when you cellphone rang.

“Uncle Yixing” you read, shit you were late so you just ignored the call and put on a pair of shoes and hurriedly got out of your house and towards the veterinary store. 

- 

“You’re late y/n” Yixing said cleaning one of the shelves, while you walked past him leaving your stuff on the counter. 

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again” You said turning to look at him smiling a bit embarrassed. 

“You said that last week y/n” He sighed. “But just forget it, there's a lot of work today can you pass me Vivi?” You furrowed your eyes in confusion and was about to ask what Vivi was but you then heard a bark and that’s when you turned back to look at the cute dog that was leashed. 

“She’s so cute!” You sat next to the dog and started petting her forgetting what Yixing had requested before.

“You mean he” You looked at him confused “He? But that’s girl's name, what kind of ignorant person would name his dog like that?” 

“I would” You turned your head to the door to see who had responded and then gasped in surprise. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Caleb

Ali: I know I've got no right to now but I'm worried about you, Caleb, I still care Ali: I mean, I fucking love you but, you don't need to hear that right now Ali: But we do need to talk, and soon Ali: It can be purely about the kids, nothing else Caleb: Why? Are the kids still all good? What's wrong? Ali: They're all fine, no emergencies Ali: but its about Singapore Ali: I'm still going, I have to Ali: but I'm not taking your kids away from you, you know? I don't want it to seem like THAT Ali: so we should arrange when I can bring them back or if we could split their time between us or Ali: I need help working out what's best Ali: for them Caleb: Do what you gotta do Caleb: I'll have €s there to see the bubs Ali: Right, okay Ali: you don't want to add anything else, no questions? Caleb: Nothing you can give me an answer too that I wanna hear Caleb: You feel that? Ali: Try me Caleb: Why'd you let me think she was mine too? That's fucked, Ali Ali: Because I thought she was too Ali: If I had any inkling of a doubt I would have shared it but Ali: Part of the unlucky (and unfuckinglikely no doubt you reckon) 1-2% Ali: It was one person, one time, when we weren't together Ali: Might think that sounds convenient but I'd happily talk you through the dates Caleb: He gonna show up and wanna play daddy to them all? Ali: No Ali: He doesn't want to be a father to his own child Ali: never mind yours Ali: no one can ever take them from you, Caleb, no other man Ali: I would never let that happen Caleb: She's so beautiful how can he do her like that Caleb: Fuck Caleb: But you talking them to another country Ali: This was always on the cards, before any of them, I've always said I was going to go to the Uni, I have to Ali: just...well, you don't want to come now, but you could Ali: you could Ali: I could pay for another place for you, I'll find a way Ali: and, I need to tell you something else but I want to know you're somewhere safe and alone so you can process it properly because Ali: Fuck Caleb: How can I, man? We had plans, plans that didn't include none of this Caleb: Can't pretend she's not there Caleb: I'm at the restaurant, it's empty Caleb: What the fuck else you gonna hit me with? Ali: No Ali: I know Ali: Not everything goes according to plan Ali: Oh Jesus Caleb: I was vibing that you were having my second son Caleb: Not a whitey's daughter Caleb: Understatement of the galaxy Ali: Don't talk about her like that Ali: I wouldn't change her for your second son Ali: She's here, she's my fucking daughter and I love her Ali: I'm not going to pretend otherwise or get rid of her for you Ali: Not even for you Caleb: Shit sorry Caleb: You know I'd never ask Caleb: This ain't on her Ali: I know Ali: whatever happens between us, if her dad ever comes around, no child deserves to be raised believing shit like that about themselves Ali: its wrong and I won't participate in any of it Caleb: I know Caleb: She's part of you, she'll have no worries Caleb: Not about feeling loved Ali: Drew's her Dad, Caleb Ali: it's Drew Caleb: O quê?! Caleb: Você está de brincadeira comigo? Ali: No, I'm not Ali: I'm sorry Caleb: You're sorry? It's chill then Caleb: Fuck Caleb: Puta que pariu Ali: What else can I say? There's nothing else I can now Caleb: That it didn't go down and he wouldn't betray me like that Caleb: That you didn't Ali: I'm not going to lie Caleb: Now you ain't Caleb: You have been since that night Caleb: Letting me think he's my bro Ali: I thought it was for the best Ali: it was a mistake and one that would never happen again Ali: I can see I was wrong now Caleb: nah nah nah you thought it was easiest & I'd never have to be knowing Ali: Well, frankly, from my perspective it was none of your business, yeah Ali: Don't make it sound like I cheated on you Ali: we weren't together, remember? you were sleeping with multiple people at the time, its not as if this was the evil plan the whole time Ali: I wanted to spare your feelings, however misguided, from knowing he would do that Ali: but yeah, I did it too because I was drunk and alone and scared, and you can count that as betrayal but don't put things on me that weren't there Caleb: Don't be making it about that Caleb: I don't care if you're riding with the whole postcode Caleb: he was my brother, Ali Caleb: You didn't have to go there with him Ali: You're right Caleb: I loved you both Caleb: Eu não quero falar com você Caleb: I can't Ali: Please Caleb Ali: Don't go Ali: I'd rather you called me every name under the sun Ali: Please Caleb: Please what come to singapore and raise my best friend's kid that he's refusing to step up for? Caleb: Keep loving you like you're my whole world Caleb: Be a happy fam Ali: well Ali: I know that isn't going to happen Ali: I know that's all gone but Ali: I love you Caleb: But you're sorry so it's all good Caleb: Para! Caleb: I'm not hearing that from you rn Ali: I didn't say that Ali: I'm not Ali: What do you want I'll do anything Caleb: Turn back time and walk away from him Caleb: If you were so alone and scared you shoulda called me! Ali: I can't Ali: and I did call you Ali: you weren't there, you were meant to be looking after the kids so I could go out with my friends and you bailed without warning Ali: but it wasn't petty revenge for that, before you even think that Ali: you weren't there, at all, not for me, not emotionally even when you were physically Ali: why did you want a second son so bad? it isn't Junior's fault, he was just a baby, Caleb Ali: I thought that was it, because even if you still cared for me, you couldn't- wouldn't- care for him like we needed Ali: and yeah, i fucked up, and now everything is ruined Ali: but i already thought it was Caleb: Don't be putting that on me! I love both my kids Caleb: I love him madly Caleb: You got me, I struggled going from when it was so chill to the two kid madness, it got me fucked up Caleb: But I'm not trying to change him like you wouldn't her Ali: I'm sorry Ali: I shouldn't have said that Ali: I was remembering how it felt Ali: I'm his Mother, you gotta understand how much that shit hurt me Ali: even thinking for a second you didn't love him Ali: Like this poor fucking baby who Drew won't even see Caleb: I did you so wrong, I feel that, every day I carry that but I can't turn things back Caleb: If I could I'd go so different Caleb: Harder in better ways, you know? Ali: Well, neither can I Ali: Therein lies the dilemma Ali: We can't go back Ali: We have to go forward but how and where to Ali: we can decide that Ali: we have to Ali: for their sake's Caleb: And ours. I don't wanna leave you unsupported again Caleb: I'm grown now I can be better with it Ali: So can I Ali: should I not go? I can't see how that would make anything better but Ali: maybe I'm just being selfish Caleb: You have to, gatinha Caleb: You was right before Caleb: Everything we have to work through can still happen Caleb: I'd be selfish making you stay Ali: I don't want to leave you Caleb: I know Caleb: Você é o mundo para mim Caleb: I don't wanna miss you Ali: Trí na chéile a thógtar na cáisléain Ali: Can't you come? Ali: Genuine question as much as it is begging Caleb: I don't wanna be a part time dad but that isn't how we should play this Caleb: I'm mad hurt Caleb: I wanna just be in love with you but Ali: I know Caleb: How can I look at that perfect baby and not see how my bro treated me? I can't do that to her or you Caleb: She's half yours and it's a big half but it's still his kid Caleb: Shit, man Caleb: we in circles Ali: Yeah Ali: But you can do it Ali: I know it can't be me who asks you to Ali: but I know you have enough love and room in your heart Caleb: Where you at? I wanna come and be with the kids for a while Ali: At my Mum and Dad's Ali: Come see them Ali: Any time Caleb: They gonna have that? Your rents aren't my biggest fans Ali: Of course, they're not pricks for the sake of Ali: they know this is on me, not you Caleb: Still. Maybe let's go take them out Caleb: Softplay or something Ali: Okay, softplay it is Ali: do you want me to come or just drop them with you Caleb: Come with Caleb: I meant what I said, don't wanna be missing on you Ali: Okay Caleb: You down if I come in 20 Caleb: I know she'll have a routine Ali: We're good to go Ali: if she needs to nap or gets fussy I can always go for a walk 'round Caleb: We got this Ali: We do Ali: Mo shíorghra Caleb: A chéadsearc