#:') because w the depth of how i think and feel. there's definitely a lot of inner turmoil inside me. dormant at times but always there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mcdonaldsplayground · 1 year

Text

| actually the worst | bonus part

aged up ao’nung x f!reader (18+)

summary: a few years after meeting the metkayina people (and quaritch trying to kill your entire family), you finally get a chance to bring ao’nung to see your former home. however, there’s more to think about than just touring him around the forest.

includes: 18+ content (not anything actually spicy, just more suggestive), teasing, swearing, suggestive remarks, ao’nung being a cocky bastard again😮‍💨

word count: 5.4k

a/n: okay so in this universe neteyam is still alive because i simply cannot process complex emotions at this time😀 also please note that i made up the general plot here just to fit the story but obviously it’s probably gonna be very different in the next avatar films😅 ALSO, i’m so sorry to anyone who was expecting smut or like, in-depth descriptions, but this is as spicy as my writing is gonna get for now hehe. hope you enjoy this lil’ bonus part. i’m gonna get to writing some other stuff soon:)

“Okay, everyone! We’re leaving in ten minutes so if you’re not ready by then, you’re flying by yourself!” Your father called, looking frantic as he saddled up his ikran and tried to herd everyone over at the same time. Jake always went full dad-mode before these trips.

Since the battle on the ship with Quaritch a few years ago, things had finally calmed down and allowed your family the ability to travel back home to the forest and the Omatikaya clan. However, the island had become your home too, so you tried to split your time between each. As much as you loved returning to the forest, though, there was someone that you found increasingly difficult to leave behind.

Ao’nung. The most annoying person you had ever met. Also, often to your chagrin, your boyfriend. The past few years together had been whatever your guys’ version of domestic bliss was. Mostly a lot of playful teasing and sometimes borderline bullying. A lot of flirting, too. Your family and friends often called the two of you childish, but that was just your dynamic, and you loved every second of it.

Recently, though, you’d been a little disappointed. Not with Ao’nung’s treatment of you, definitely not, but with how busy he’d been with his duties. You knew it wasn’t his fault, he was the son of the Olo’eyktan, after all. It was just that between going out hunting, Olo’eyktan training, and working on completing his warrior rites, you felt as if he was becoming a stranger that you were watching from afar. You couldn’t even remember the last time the two of you had been alone.

“Hey, I’m sorry that Ao’nung can’t come, [Y/N].” Neteyam said as he packed the last of his things and strapped them to his ikran, shooting you a sympathetic look. You sighed to yourself, trying not to let your disappointment show.

“It’s no big deal,” You shrugged. “It’s not like we’re leaving forever.” It was true that you wouldn’t be gone as long as usual this time, but it was certainly long enough. Not only would you be away from Ao’nung, but you would miss the completion of his Iknimaya. He was supposed to finish up next week, which was the only reason he wouldn’t be able to come with you like you had originally planned months ago. Actually, you'd been begging him to go along with you for a while, but it had never worked out with his schedule. This time seemed to cut the deepest, though.

“You keep saying it’s not a big deal, but I don’t think you mean that,” Neteyam pushed, coming over to stand next to you. His presence was a comfort, especially because he had inadvertently become the person you always went to for relationship advice. “It’s okay not to be okay, you know.”

“Yeah, I- I know…” You trailed off, unconvincing. “I just wanted to be there when he finished his Iknimaya. He’s worked so hard, Teyam.” You bit your lip, staring hard at the ground. “And-” You cut yourself off, suddenly feeling embarrassed at your own thoughts.

“And?” Neteyam’s tone was gentle, encouraging. You sighed.

“And I just keep worrying that he’s going to get tired of me being gone all the time. Once he’s officially a warrior he gets to choose a mate. I know it’s really horrible of me to think it, but, what if he doesn’t choose me?” You involuntarily imagined coming back from the forest to find him mated to another, your heart rising to your throat.

“I hear what you’re saying, but I have to tell you that’s impossible, [Y/N]. If you could see the way Ao’nung looks at you, you would know.” Neteyam grinned as you flushed, fighting a smile of your own. Before you could say anything in response, your dad declared it was time to leave. Your heart sank back down, and you turned to mount your ikran.

“Wait! Wait up! You’re going to forget your favourite, most handsome possession!” The deep voice sent a familiar shiver of longing down your spine, though his words made you roll your eyes. There was only one man in the world who could do that to you with just a sentence.

You whipped around, wide-eyed as your big dork of a boyfriend sprinted over to your family.

“Miss me, forest girl?” He was grinning like an absolute fool as he finally came to a stop a few feet away from you, panting slightly. You were quick to hide your extreme joy with a glare, lest you show just how much power he held over your emotions.

“Aren’t you supposed to be taming a skimwing right now?” You raised an eyebrow. “You know, so you can prove that you’re a man or something?” You held back a smirk as he narrowed his eyes.

“Alright, then. If you didn’t want me to come you should have just said so.” He said, nonchalantly shrugging as he turned to go back. You knew he was goading you, but you couldn’t help it as you jumped forward, catching his wrist.

“No! Don’t.”

“Oh, so you do want me to come?” He simpered, eyes dancing with mirth. If you weren’t in front of your family you probably would have jumped his bones right there. Something about that perpetual conceited attitude did things to you.

“Can you not be a dickhead for like, one second?” You asked, eliciting a chuckle from him. That was when you noticed the tattoo.

The sweeping intricate black lines spanned a good portion of the left side of his rib cage, swooping slightly up and around the curve of his back. It was gorgeous, but the ink looked incredibly fresh, the edges of the elegant piece slightly raised. You gaped, your fingers twitching with the urge to reach out and touch it.

“What is that?” You breathed, flicking your gaze up to meet your favourite ocean blues.

“I’m surprised you don’t know what a tattoo is considering you’ve lived here for-” You glared daggers as he spoke, indicating that now was not the time for witty banter. He cracked a wide grin, holding his hands up in surrender. “Alright, geez. I wanted to surprise you.”

“Okay but-” Suddenly everything fell into place in your mind and you gasped, your eyes growing wide. “You finished your Iknimaya?”

He nodded. “Just call me the greatest warrior who’s ever lived- woah!” He laughed deeply as you barreled into him, wrapping your arms around his neck before he lifted you off the ground and spun you around.

“Ao’nung the mighty warrior.” You could barely contain your smile as you peppered a few kisses along his cheeks. “I am so proud of you!”

It wasn’t like either of you to show such blatant affection in front of others, especially your parents, but it seemed impossible not to in this moment.

“That’s why I’ve been so busy lately,” He admitted, pulling back and setting you down in front of him, maintaining a loose grip on your waist. “I had to beg my father to let me work overtime, and it was a pretty tight schedule. I technically finished yesterday, but I woke up before dawn this morning to get my tattoo done.” You could have sworn the only other time Ao’nung had smiled this big was after your very first kiss.

“Oh, Nung, I’m so happy for you! Thank you!” You leaned in to kiss him, but you were rudely interrupted by your youngest brother, who was standing a few feet away with your family.

“Oh, Ao’nung! I’m so proud of you, mighty warrior! Let’s kiss in front of everyone and waste a whole bunch of time being gross!” He mocked in a high-pitched voice, rolling his eyes. Lo’ak may have gotten older, but he still loved to make fun of you two. “I hate to break up your guys’ little love fest, but we were supposed to leave like, ten minutes ago.” He huffed. Tsireya may not have been around to chastise him, but your mother certainly was. She smacked the back of his head, glaring at the boy.

“Lo’ak! You should be happy for Ao’nung! He is a warrior of the clan now.” Neytiri turned to look at Ao’nung, smiling proudly. Ever since your parents had found out about you and him, your mother was very supportive. She’d grown to love him like a son. Your father, however, was not so fond. You and him had been through many arguments in which he claimed you needed to wait until you were old enough for a mate in order to be with Ao’nung. Even now, when this had suddenly become possible, Jake looked a little disapproving.

“My love, Lo’ak is right. We really do have to get going.” You frowned at your father’s lack of enthusiasm, but nothing could truly drag your mood down for long as you thought about finally getting to show Ao’nung your precious forest. Even the days-long ikran flight didn’t seem all that bad anymore.

After you and Ao’nung clambered onto your ikran together and took off, you sighed contentedly, leaning back into him when you had a chance to relax a bit. You could feel the low tenor of his voice through his chest as he spoke, his hands placed on your thighs as he rubbed slow circles along them with his thumbs.

“I can’t wait to see this great forest you’ve been raving about for years.” You grinned at his words, biting your lip as you fantasized about showing him every inch of your former home.

“I can’t wait to see what my grandmother thinks of you.” You snorted. The image of her scrutinizing gaze making the usually overconfident Ao’nung sweat had you giggling.

“She’ll love me. All the ladies do.” You could hear the smirk in his words.

“I hated your guts when we met.” You reminded him, hoping to humble him even just slightly. It was a futile attempt.

“And now?”

“Maybe I still do.”

“Is that so?” He bent his head down to whisper into your ear. “It’s interesting that you hate my guts but yet you love when I rearrange y-”

“If you finish that sentence I will push you off this ikran so fast, Ao’nung.” You warned, a nervous laugh threatening to escape your chest.

“You’d miss me if you did that.”

“Unlikely.”

“Oh, you'd definitely miss me."

“So what is this boy’s name, again?” Your grandmother questioned as you helped her prepare food for dinner. You couldn’t help but smile as she squinted her eyes in the direction of where your brothers and Ao’nung were talking around the fire a little ways off. You all had arrived at the forest late, so everyone was just resting for the remainder of the night. Exploring would have to wait until tomorrow.

“His name is Ao’nung, grandmother.”

“Hm. Well, he could do with an attitude adjustment. But he looks to be a strong warrior, no doubt.” She pursed her lips, still appearing to scrutinize him.

“Yes. He actually just completed his Iknimaya,” You tried your best not to sound like you were gushing over him. “He is very strong, indeed.” The image of his toned arms flashed through your mind. The way he could lift you over his shoulder and carry you. The way his muscles tensed when he gripped your hips as he kissed you. You couldn’t help but flush, shaking your head slightly to clear it. Your grandmother was staring at you, the smallest of grins tugging at the corners of her lips.

“So you are mated, then?” She questioned, and you almost choked on air. You supposed you should have expected the question sooner or later, but it still surprised you. Your heart sped up at the thought.

“Oh- well… no.” You mentally cursed yourself for stuttering.

“You sound unsure, child. Do you not want to be his mate?”

“I- It’s- Yes. Yes of course I do,” Your gaze drifted over to him, watching fondly as he laughed at something Lo’ak had said. Despite the obvious stupidity of it, you still couldn’t shake the thought of him possibly choosing someone else to be his mate. It was like some deeply hidden fear you didn’t know you had until now. “It is just a matter of whether or not he wants to be my mate too.” You finished your thought quietly, looking down at your hands in your lap.

“I would think that would be the least of your worries, my dear.” Your grandmother spoke softly, placing a gentle hand on your knee. “He may be a mighty warrior, but even I can see his weakness is you. His eyes betray him every time he looks at you.” This was the second time recently someone had told you such a thing. It made you slightly dizzy with childish giddiness, the idea of you having such an affect on the aloof and confident male.

You were unsure how to respond, but you smiled widely to yourself, a little embarrassed. Your grandmother just chuckled and turned to call everyone over to eat.

The food was almost painfully good after eating pre-prepared meals over the course of your trip. Even Tuk, normally the pickiest eater ever, was scarfing every last bit down. It also felt great to eat together with your family, just enjoying their company as you leaned into Ao’nung’s side, his free arm wrapped around your shoulders. It didn’t take too long for everyone to finish and start turning in for the night.

Your family all slept in a group of hammocks nearby one another, but Ao’nung had been given a spare hammock a little ways away in order to give him more “privacy”, as your dad said, but you figured that he just didn’t want the two of you sleeping near each other. He was very protective and hypocritical considering everything he got up to with your mother when they were young. He was also naive if he thought that sending Ao’nung off by himself was going to keep you two apart.

Once everyone seemed soundly asleep, you silently slipped out of your hammock and crept away to find Ao’nung. It wasn’t too difficult as he appeared to be struggling to lie down comfortably in his hammock. You giggled quietly, sneaking up beside the warrior.

“Do you know how stupid you look right now?” You whispered, quickly slapping your hand over Ao’nung’s mouth as he yelped. You could barely hold in your laughter. “Shut up, skxawng! You’ll wake the whole clan!”

“Very funny, you little brat.” Ao’nung’s expression was sour, especially as he continued to struggle slightly with his hammock.

“You know, I’m very good at helping people who ask.” You smirked, folding your arms across your chest as you watched him try to stop swinging from side to side.

“Fine.” He huffed, glaring up at you.

“Fine what?”

“Seriously?” Ao’nung shot you an annoyed look, but you just stood there, enjoying the power you held in this situation. When you didn’t respond, he finally huffed, resigning himself to what he knew you wanted.

“Would you please do me the favour of helping me figure this stupid thing out, your all-knowing royal highness?” The last bit was a snarky joke, one meant to annoy you, but it only made you grin.

“Why didn’t you ask sooner, Nung?” You made your way over and steadied the hammock, fingertips pushing lightly on Ao’nung’s bicep to indicate that he should move over. When he shifted, you took the chance to climb in beside him, a look of pleasant surprise overtaking his features. The hammock stilled once the two of you had found a comfortable position facing each other, close enough to breathe the same air.

“So this is what you came here for?” Ao’nung questioned, his eyebrows raising as his signature cocky smirk settled onto his lips.

“It’s like you want me to punch you.” You scoffed, tracing the familiar patterns of his skin with your finger, particularly the glowing constellation of freckles that spanned his broad chest. He shivered beneath your touch. However, when you accidentally grazed over the edges of his new tattoo, he hissed. You quickly pulled back, cringing.

“Sorry!” You apologized hurriedly, worried that you had hurt him.

“No, it’s alright. It’s just still a little sore.” He admitted, offering you a gentle smile. You returned it, but did not place your hands back where they were.

“So, you can choose a mate now.” You finally said after a few moments of silence, peering through your lashes to try and gauge his expression. This was a conversation you had been dying to have for days, but it hadn’t seemed like the right time until now. Even so, your heart began to race slightly.

“Yes.” Ao’nung’s tone was low, serious. Maybe it was because of your nerves, but you found it difficult to read his expression.

“And?” You bit your lip, waiting impatiently for him to say anything. Your irrational fears were screaming in the back of your mind.

“And?” He quirked an eyebrow. “What do you want me to say?” You heart plummeted into your abdomen, unable to stop yourself from frowning deeply as you flicked your gaze down so you could avoid eye-contact. You swallowed thickly as your throat constricted. You felt like such a baby for reacting this way, but it was like you couldn’t stop it. The next words coming out felt like someone had stuck a branding iron down your throat.

“Do you want to mate with someone else?”

“What?” Ao’nung sat up slightly in shock, confusion and worry written all over his face. “What are you taking about?”

You just shrugged, afraid you would truly start crying if you spoke or even looked up from your fidgeting fingers.

“[Y/N].” His tone was firm but soft, a plead for you to explain. You felt ridiculously stupid.

“There’s lots of beautiful women of the clan. Many who would make a great Tsahìk some day,” You managed quietly, letting out a short breath. “I don’t want to hold you back just because we have been together so long. Besides, I know what your mother thinks of me, and maybe she is right. I still act like a child sometimes. I am gone so much visiting home. And I am not-” Your voice broke, a few warm tears finally spilling over onto your cheeks. “I am not Metkayina. I am not like you.”

It was painfully silent for a few torturously long seconds. Finally, you felt Ao’nung’s fingers tilt your chin up so he could look at you. His gaze was giving you the all-too-familiar impression that he was seeing you intimately, seeing beyond just your face.

“I do not want anyone else.” He breathed, moving to cradle your face in his hands, brushing away your tears with his thumbs. “I have the most beautiful woman here in front of me. And for some reason, Eywa forbid, I think she likes me.” He grinned and you felt your heart lift.

“You might be right about that.” You said quietly, earning a low chuckle from him.

“[Y/N], I need you to know that I do not care if my mother doesn’t approve of you. The other women of the clan do not tease me. They do not make ridiculously funny faces when they’re annoyed. They do not have the courage to stand up to me and call me a jerkwad when I’m being mean.” The two of you laughed faintly at the memory of you calling him every English insult you could think of. “I love you because you do all of those things. And I love you because you are just as much Metkayina as anyone else in the clan, even though you did not grow up knowing our ways. You were not born into your place there, you earned it, and I can only hope I’ve earned even a slight chance at being worthy enough to be your mate.” You were staring hard at each other now, barely breathing as you hung on to every single word he said. You slid your hands behind his neck, tugging him closer to you, your lips ghosting over his.

“Whether I like it or not, you own my heart, Ao’nung.”

His lips crashed to meet yours with an intensity that set your heart racing. The kiss was all heat and desperation, tongues and teeth. Ao’nung bit your bottom lip, smirking when you gasped. His fingers then found your waist and he smoothly flipped your positions so that he was over top of you, groaning as you placed kisses along his neck and jaw.

“I can’t believe you were worried about me not wanting to be your mate when I’m so fucking in love with you.” He said between sloppy kisses, his hands sliding slowly up and down your thighs, positioned on either side of his body. You shuddered at the way it made your stomach tighten. “As if I would let anyone else hold my heart in their hand.” You whined as he fingered the waistband of your clothing, sucking on a sweet spot just beneath your ear.

“I can think of something else of yours that I would love to hold right about now.” Your eyes glinted as you gazed at him, a quick flash of surprise passing over his face before he broke into a smirk.

“Be my guest, love.”

The mid-afternoon sun shone brightly as you excitedly made your way up the hallelujah mountains. You and Ao’nung had spent the morning around the forest with your family, but you’d really wanted to show him some of your favourite spots by yourself, one of which you were heading to now.

"Hurry up, slow poke!" You found yourself calling out, a laugh bubbling from your chest when Ao’nung groaned behind you. You turned your head back to grin tauntingly at him.

"When you said you were going to show me your home, this is not what I pictured us doing." Ao'nung frowned, glancing warily over the side of the vine you both walked upon.

"No? What exactly were you picturing, then, Nung?" You queried and Ao'nung's lips split into what you could only describe as a suggestive grin.

"Oh, you know, maybe a little less dangerous hiking and a little more finding a secluded spot to-"

"Oh my Eywa!" You yelped, shaking your head. "Just keep walking, you sick bastard."

"Just putting ideas out there.." He chuckled, suddenly pushing forward to catch up to you. He slung his arm around your waist, pulling you into him like it was the most natural action in the world.

You leaned in closer, standing on your tiptoes to whisper into his ear. "You're so desperate, Ao'nung." He shivered.

"Only for you, forest girl." As the words left his lips, you suddenly felt as if you’d experienced this moment before, down to the exact details. You furrowed your brows, trying hard to remember why it felt so familiar.

“Oh!” You gasped out loud, nearly sending your boyfriend toppling over the side of the vine as your memory came into focus. On instinct, you reached out quickly to steady a confused looking Ao’nung.

“Are you trying to kill me, woman?” He asked incredulously, placing a hand over his heart. “What was that?”

You flushed, unsure of what to say. It was such a strange experience to have to explain.

“Um, it’s nothing.” You laughed breathily, trying to sound as casual as possible before continuing your trek up the mountains. Unfortunately, that was not satisfactory enough for him. He grabbed at your waist, pulling you back into him so you were both were facing forward, your back flush against his chest.

“Tell me.” He whispered in your ear, sending goosebumps along your skin.

“It’s weird.” You chuckled, turning your head so you could meet his eyes. They were alight with interest.

“Like you don’t already say weird things all the time?” He asked, laughing as he earned a gentle punch to the bicep. You turned fully to face him.

“Do you remember the first night we went to the cove of ancestors? The night Kiri had a seizure?” You questioned, playing with your fingers as they rested on his chest, feeling his slow breaths beneath your touch.

“Of course.” He furrowed his brows slightly, as if playing through the memory in his head. “The first time you let your guard down around me.” His lips split into a small smirk, though it was more fond than cocky.

“Yeah, whatever,” You smiled softly. “Well, before all that crazy stuff happened, I had a vision when I connected to the tree. It was- well… it was this.” You bit your lip, spreading out your hands to indicate the scene around you.

“The mountains?” He questioned, not entirely following.

“Yes. But us, too. The exact conversation we just had a few minutes ago. It felt so familiar while it was happening, but I couldn’t remember why until now.” You felt awkward explaining it to him, avoiding eye contact and instead trying to read the rest of his face.

“So you knew this was going to happen?” It was a loaded question, indicating both the general situation and your relationship as a whole. A smirk was tugging at his lips.

“Kind of…” You said slowly. “But at the time I still thought I maybe hated you, so it freaked me out. I didn’t know if it was actually going to come true or not. I was working up the courage to talk to you about it before everything went to shit.” You laughed a little, thinking back on all the chaos of those first few months living on the island.

“I want you to be my mate.” Ao’nung said suddenly, staring down at you with a rare completely serious expression. You snapped your head up quickly, confused at the sudden turn in conversation, though a flutter of excitement settled in your stomach.

“I know,” You smiled softly. “I can’t wait until we get back home-”

“No, now.” His voice was firm, his mind already made up. Your eyebrows shot skyward. “I don’t want to waste anymore time not being officially bonded. We can go tonight,. I think Eywa has given us a sign through your dream.” He grabbed your hand, gently lacing his fingers with yours.

“But- what about our parents?” You asked, trying to ignore the rising giddiness inside of you. “I mean my dad will probably burst a blood vessel in his eye. And don’t even get me started on your mom… She already has enough reason to hate me.”

“It’s not about them, my love.”

“But you are the chief’s son, Nung. There are rituals and ceremonies for you and your chosen mate-”

“Me and you.”

“Yes,” You breath hitched slightly, blushing. “Us. Your parents won’t be pleased if you do not complete them in the traditional way.” You were speaking to deaf ears, reiterating things he already knew well.

“We’ll have our own stupid rituals.” He muttered, his fingers skating along your arm, bringing them up to trace the outline of your jaw. “Ceremonies and parties and disapproving parents can wait until we return.” He searched your eyes, desperately hoping for you to be feeling the same immediacy as him. The same all-consuming desire to be one after waiting so long. Despite your feeble rationale behind why it was a terrible idea, you had to admit that you wanted to do it just as badly.

“Tonight, then.” You finally caved, an excited buzz settling under your skin. Ao’nung grinned, picking you up to swing you around before pulling you into a hug. You could feel his excitement in the air around you, making you bite your lip to keep from smiling too wide.

You woke to the sun already shining brightly, pleasantly warming your skin. A pair of strong arms were wrapped around your abdomen, your legs tangled together with two other, longer and broader ones. It could have been any other morning after sneaking out to be with Ao’nung.

It was not.

You could feel the mating bond even now as your mate lay sleeping beneath you, his soft breaths tickling your skin. Nothing about your feelings for the warrior boy had changed, you still felt the deep love that had claimed a stake on your heart years ago, but it was like it had been fortified, made immortal under the gaze of Eywa. Your soul was tied completely to his, two halves to make a entirely new whole. His eyes fluttered open as you stared at his sleeping form, admiring his peacefulness. He smiled sleepily.

“Good morning, my love.” His voice was slightly raspy from sleep, and you felt your stomach tighten, suddenly replaying every euphoric detail about the night before. You clenched your legs together, letting Ao’nung sit up and pull you into his lap while running a hand slowly up your thigh. Once you were comfortably sitting on top of him, he began to place sweet kisses along your neck.

“Ao’nung.” You tried (failed) to sound stern, placing a hand on each of his biceps in a weak attempt to stop him from caressing all along your body. “We have to go back.” Your words got lost in a moan as he nipped at your collarbone, looking up at you in a desperate sort of way. You shuddered, unable to stop yourself from dipping your head down to place a kiss on his pouted lips. He kissed back fervently, one of his hands sliding to the back of your head while the other danced along your ribcage, dangerously close to eliciting another moan from you. If you didn’t stop now, you knew you never would.

“Alright, alright. Don’t make me smack you, dipshit.” He groaned in annoyance as you pulled away, your lips already slightly swollen from the kiss.

“C’mon, [Y/N].” He whined, his ears flicking back in disappointment. “You're my mate, now. Can we not just enjoy this time?”

You chuckled, tracing your thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m sure you got more than enough enjoyment last night. Now it’s time to for us to deal with the repercussions of that.” You quickly placed one more soft kiss on his lips before sighing and untangling your limbs from his. He unhappily followed your lead, holding your hand to help you up. As the two of you slowly began your walk back home, you smiled to yourself, feeling more content than you ever had before. Even the thought of confronting both your parents seemed but a small inconvenience, an easy price to pay for the sheer elation you felt at the bond you now shared with Ao’nung.

“I still think we could have stayed longer.” He frowned, swinging your intertwined hands back and forth slightly.

“Doubtful. It’s pretty much a miracle they haven’t sent out a search party already.” You laughed, guessing it was already mid-morning. Your family had probably been awake for hours.

“What should I say to your parents?” Ao’nung questioned.

“Well, you should probably start by begging my dad for mercy,” You deadpanned. “Though I doubt that will help.”

“Thanks, I’m so glad you’re confident in me.” Ao’nung quipped back sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “I’d like to remind you that I’m a warrior now.”

You grinned. “You’re about to be a dead warrior.”

“Well, at least my last great memory is of you on your knees last night-"

You cut him off with a light punch in the gut. It was like hitting the bark of a tree, but he did you the courtesy of pretending to feel it, at least.

“Geez, someone’s touchy about that.” He smirked, amusement flickering in his gaze.

“Just save the cockiness until after we talk to my parents. I know you probably don’t know to be humble, but-”

“Oh, I’ll be humble. I’ll be even more humble than Neteyam when he gets a compliment.” He spoke of it like a challenge, and you giggled.

“Speaking of that, I forgot to mention that my brothers are probably going to kill you, too, you know. Then maybe even Kiri. You’ll be dead four times over.”

“You’re lucky you’re worth all this murder I’m about to experience.”

“Just remember that this was your idea, genius.”

“Yeah, yeah. But who’s the one who loves me too much to have said no?”

“Shut up.”

“Fine. But only if you give me a good luck kiss before we get back because I’m starting to get nervous now.”

taglist:

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#ao'nung #ao'nung fanfiction #ao'nung fluff #ao'nung x reader #ao'nung x y/n #ao'nung x you #aonung #aonung fanfiction #aonung fluff #aonung x reader #aonung x y/n #aonung x you #atwow #atwow ao'nung #avatar #the way of water #avatar the way of water

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disenchantingwrites · 1 year

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Remus Lupin dating Reader w/ Sensory Issues HCs

Remus Lupin x Neurodivergent GN!Reader

A/N: seeing how well-received the James post was, i’ve decided to do it for more HP characters because I love being self-indulgent.

---- ---- ---- ----

Remus, being a werewolf and neurodivergent, definitely has sensory issues, so he can understand your plight.

With food, at first he thought you were picky with certain items.

it was when he saw you step away from him with one of his sweaters when you never had a problem with the others, rubbing your arms on your shirt that he realised it was maybe a sensory thing.

He definitely comes right out and just asks you about it, and immediately makes you feel comfortable by letting you know he understands. He experiences the same thing.

“I’ve got issues with sensory things too, love. Like Sirius had this one cologne, eugh, I threw it out.” “Oi! That was you, Moony?!” “Yes, piss off, Pads. Couldn't stand it.”

He always makes you feel relaxed in any room you’re in now that he knows. He asks questions about it, wanting to make sure he does anything he can to make you comfy.

He knows the foods you have issues with, he knows what items of clothing give you most issue, all of that.

There are overlaps between the both of your issues, which makes it easier for him to help, too.

If there’s ever a prank he thinks might trigger a meltdown or something similar, he’ll let you know, and he’ll make sure you avoid it.

“The boys are planning to dump sticky feathers onto a bunch of students by Myrtle’s bathroom around lunch, didn’t want you to get upset, so you should take—” “I know where to go, Rem. Thank you, though.”

The others think that Remus is telling you because he doesn't want you to get pranked, but then you’re caught in one, and they think they’re going to get scolded by him. Instead they find him hiding his laughter as you just glare at him.

It’s after that they ask him about it, and he tells them about your sensory issues, and his in more depth.

The boys are a lot more understanding because Remusnis super great at explaining, and now they make sure any pranks set for you won't mess with your sensory issues.

Of course there’s a few times with certain things you didn't know weren’t good sensory things, which have cause you to overload or meltdown.

Remus is always there to comfort you, making sure you know that he’s there whenever you’re ready. He tries a few calming techniques with you to see which one works the best, but ultimately lets you take the first move to him.

He let's you know what he needs, too, when he’s overwhelmed or otherwise, and you help each other out so much with your issues.

You know that even if you feel like you have no one who relates or can understand, Remus is always in your corner, and vice versa.

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kawakalalala · 8 months

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Can you describe what you envision Abby’s ideal partner to be like? Physically and otherwise.

still not feeling 100% so i apologize if this is all over the place

i love rambling & and this is a lovely question!

honestly the way i picture abby is kind of similar to the way i picture myself. when i write my fics, i never imagine myself as the reader. Weirdly enough, the dynamic i picture abby and reader falling into fits the dynamic of a lot of relationships i’ve been in, so i’m essentially just writing fantasies about my own long distance relationship and applying them to a fictional character. (that’s the most lesbian thing ive ever said)

i don’t think she has a type at all tbh, I can’t see her being picky in the slightest? I think she cares for people’s character over anything else. physically, she loves all of you!

i want my abby to feel like a real person rather than a stone top sex god with zero depth, no shade but i think our girl deserves more, especially because of how deep and complex her character is.

firstly, abby would def be w a girl who bosses her around a little! I think she tends to get forced into taking initiative in her day to day life, not that she minds, but theres a strong need deep inside her to be taken care of. she is the little spoon!!!

as a part of the tall masc community, a lot of us either go for large height difs in someone short, or or we’ll go for someone else tall. I think she has no real preference.

i think i see her going more for fems, but not exclusively.

nsfw!!!

this girl is a SWITCH!! she def leans top, but she’s not mean. she’s kind of quiet, and I think her match made in heaven would be a power bottom.

she’d go silent and red in the face watching you straddle her, hands and blown out eyes tracing your body.

“prettiest fuckin’ girl ive ever seen,” she can barely get the words out. she touches you everywhere you need to be touched, knows your body like its hers.

she doesn’t realize how hard she rolls her hips when you lean down to kiss her.

if you’re bold with your words, it goes straight to her cunt.

“y’like that baby?” you say, and tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. she’s GONE!

she definitely loves eating u out but she secretly loves getting taken care of. she’ll never say she wants it, but you both know.

“all ive done is kiss you, abs, s’it turn you on this much?” she nods and holds her breath while you draw a line through her folds w the tip of your middle finger.

“such a good girl f’me,” a groan fights its way from her lips

“need you so bad,” she says, and your name rolls gently and brokenly off her lips, somewhere between a beg and a prayer.

you think she looks the best like this, hair plastered to her forehead, pupils wide, and lips swollen from your kisses, and her chest heaving, cunt clenching around three of your fingers while your tongue flicks at her clit, over, and over, and over,

and she comes w a gasp and a whine, hips stuttering, eyebrows weighing down her eyelids.

you plant a kiss below her belly button you see her abs tighten

AND THEN THEY KITH!

n u take a shower or a bath and she tucks her head into the crook of your neck while you run your fingers through her braid, and massage her scalp, and she swears she could die happy right here :(((

#anons #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #tlou part 2 #tlou2 #abby tlou #tlou x reader #abby anderson hcs #lesbian #this was so fun to write #i love her so much #i miss mt fucking gf bro #WAAAHHHHHH #abby anderson smut #tlou

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robogart · 9 months

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no you're SO right about the baldurs gate writing & design. I feel like everyone played a different version of that game where the characters were actually interesting and not just like. poorly written twig people. literally none of the party members have any meat on their bones, even the fuckin "muscle lady" who looks just as twiglike as everyone else its so grating

YES the "it feels like everyone played a different version of that game" is definitely where we're at right now! I'm glad you're in the same boat, it's nice to know we're not alone!! ; w ; 🙏💖💖

It's hard with the writing, because on one hand, I'm here for classic character types and tropes - I'll eat the same ones over and over! But of course, it's always with the caveat of if they're executed well (in MY opinion, it's always subjective). For example, we LOVE Astarion in this house (and Gale has been a surprise like for us too) - but SO much of that is because how the actors delivered the characters. And Astarion in particular feels SO well done - Neil Newbon is such an excellent character actor and he FEELS like a character because the actor brings a lot of nuance to the delivery. But if anyone else voiced him, it would feel lackluster. And that's because the writing is not as strong and intentional feeling. Even the way conversations are paced feel rather clunky - and the most "succesful" dialogue is because the actor is setting better breath and pace and emotion than the dialogue and story gives on its own.

So much of the actual character depth to me feels like it is largely aided by the actors rather than the writing itself. Which I know writing that, it feels a bit DUH that's what the actors are there for. But both things can exist at the same time. And I feel bad for always pointing at Dragon Age, but it's an adjacent game in this field and it's crafted Very Well where both the performances from the actors add depth to the already solid writing. Even looking up Dragon Age writers, you can easily find who the main writers were for each character, which is what gives them SUCH a clear voice and point of view. (And I think there are some characters who are weaker in Dragon Age, but I can't argue that they don't ever feel consistent to themselves despite my opinion of their writing). Whereas so many of the characters in bg3 just feel like they were made in an aimless gamer-bro echo chamber without any direction and the only saving grace is by the performance of the actor.

But!! Rambling!! I'm so sorry @ w @;;; I'm just very impassioned by this right now = w =;;;

#i'm so sorry to scream about this anon and ramble! but i'm glad you're in the same feeling as well!! ; w ;#my friend and I will be happy to know we're not alone!! 🙏💖💖

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yuusishi · 2 years

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Hiya~ I love your works 🥺 May I request a headcannon about Sectoral heterochromia!Reader (The reader have a pink w/ mint green colours eyes OR A yellow w/ purple) i don't mind any genders

'They never show their eyes and always wear a mask (like Gojo's) until one day,after they became *the characters mention* s/o they decided that they're ready to show their eyes'

w/ Vil,Azul,Jade and Rook

Ignore this if you want,If you DO do this then Thank you!!

~Shiro

Vil, Azul, and Jade With a Reader With Sectoral Hererochromia!

pairings: Vil Schoenheit, Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech x gn!reader (separate)

genre: fluff

cws/tws: ooc Jade?

a/n: hi anonnie I didn’t include Rook in this (for once) cuz in my rules I said I’ll only do 3 characters per request! Also I’m still not totally familiar with how Jade acts so he might be pretty ooc

¡ Vil Schoenheit !

He was amazed when he first saw your eyes, one being one-toned then the other two-toned, he’s rarely seen anything like this on social media much less in real life.

Was definitely happy that you trusted him enough with something that you usually cover up from other people!

Whenever you two are alone in either Ramshackle or in his room in the Pomefiore dorm he always faces you in bed just to admire you, whether or not you’re awake.

He loves you a lot and thanks the Seven for letting him meet someone as unique as you.

If someone suddenly bursts in the room (usually one of the Adeuce duo or Grim if you’re in Ramshackle) either one of you rush for the blindfold to cover your eyes again if you don’t want to show others yet.

This doesn’t happen at all if you’re in his room in Pomefiore though because everyone knows how to knock there <3 that’s why he prefers for you two to spend time in Pomefiore.

¡ Azul Ashengrotto !

Azul’s deathly aware and experienced in things such as insecurities, he was over the moon when you let him see your eyes for the first time because that means you trust him a lot and that makes him happy!!

The tweels tease him sometimes for being the only one in your little friend group without a form of heterochromia to which he just scoffs at.

If you two are just sitting in his office or in one of each other’s beds I feel like he’s the type to just suddenly pinch your cheeks impulsively

“What was that for, Azul” you whined while you rubbed your cheek ‘You just look too cute for your own good’ was what he wanted to say but what came out was “I just wanted to” as he buried his face on your shoulder, but you got his message either way.

I WENT OFF TRACK WAIT

If you two are in the same class he likes to just sit and stare at you lovingly but as discreetly as possible if the teacher gives some free time, not just admiring your dual colored eyes but the entirety of you in general.

Does the same thing as Vil where he rushes to cover your eyes if someone suddenly comes in, but in a less panicky way to not cause the other person to ask any questions, especially if it’s a person that you’re not comfortable seeing your eyes yet.

¡ Jade Leech !

Jade knows when it’s time to joke around (though a lot of his jokes end up sounding like threats) and when to be serious, and of course trusting him enough with something like this is something he’ll take seriously.

He thinks your eyes look like the painted pebbles that somehow survived to sink to the depths where he and Floyd live, they look beautiful.

Heterochromia couple!!

Respects the fact you’d rather hide your eyes from others, though he doesn’t understand why since he thinks it’s the prettiest thing he’s ever seen but even if he doesn’t get why he won’t pry for an answer.

Even if you both have heterochromia he thinks yours is so much more beautiful because it looks like one of your irises is painted which makes you so much better!

I feel like he’d keep accidentally covering your eyes with his hand instead of your blindfold if someone suddenly walks in the room without knocking, it takes him a while to go for the piece of cloth first before his hand.

Whenever he goes out shopping by himself he’d sometimes buy you one or two blindfolds that have designs on it unlike your plain black one to just change things up a bit, but of course no design that would make you look like a fool, he doesn’t aim to humiliate you.

If someone keeps overstepping your boundaries and constantly asking to see what’s under your blindfold Jade’s there in an instant to stop that person, by force if needed <3

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #disney twisted wonderland #vil schoenheit x reader #vil x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul x reader #jade leech x reader #jade x reader #twst fluff

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merakiui · 8 months

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Reread princess reader x Azul fic because I think about it every single day, and I have thoughts!

First, reader is concerned about hiding pregnancy from Leona...however... he's Leona, so it's very possible he might already know, and that her angst is for naught. He already didn't like Azul, so perhaps a part of him knows, or can smell it, and he's trying to be good husband.....

Secondly! Azul didn't seem to know reader was pregnant when he was talking about caging! How long would it take for him to realize, and would it totally make him break down. Like "ah shoot, my bad, I swear I'm good father, please don't hate me"

Anyways, I'm excited for part two, but I can't stop myself from theorizing. Can't wait to see the dynamics of the new situation 😁

>w< omg thank you for being so excited for the sequel and theorizing its events!!! There's a lot that will happen, so I think it will be much longer than the first part. I can promise lots of drama and angst and schemes!!! >:) it only gets worse from here, and now that Azul is joined by two eels darling's life is about to get very troublesome. But she has Leona and Ruggie!!!! Hopefully they can protect her from tako and the twins. orz

While I can't confirm whether or not Leona knows of darling's pregnancy, I will say that Azul is very emotionally volatile in the fic (though he keeps it hidden for the most part) and so I think if he learned of Reader's pregnancy he will be overcome with so much feeling!! He's happy and scared and triumphant and anxious and so many other things. It was his goal to impregnate you to begin with, so he did succeed! I think he's definitely scared of Reader hating him, but then Reader can't bring herself to hate him no matter how hard she tries. She just feels so bad for him and the situation he endured while trapped in the palace pool for so many years. :( a good portion of his childhood was stolen away when they put him in that tank and gifted him to you. It's really not fair... of course, rather than hatred, Reader is just terrified of him now. Both are just as bad to Azul, but maybe the fear is just slightly worse because at least with hatred he could attempt to change that into love. But fear is hard to overcome sometimes, especially if it's so deeply rooted.

Despite that, he's determined to have you at any cost. He's not returning to the sea without you. Hell hath no fury like a tako scorned.

Though this wasn't included in part one, I imagine Azul and Reader practiced ballroom dancing in the pool when Reader refused to attend lessons with her professional instructor. <3 so instead she'd dance with Azul underwater, the two of them suspended weightlessly in the depths!!! They're a cute couple until the obsession and separation anxiety hits and then it's just so hollowing. ^^;;;; they could have been so sweet together if it weren't for everything that led to Zuzu snapping. >_<

#twisted chit chat

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milksuu · 8 days

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ur aphelios fic w solari priestess reader was soooo good, i can't stop going back to reread it bc i'm eager for pt 2 if you do end up writing one 😭😭 but there's so much potential for this man bc hello ?? enemies to lovers(?uh) ?? i really like the idea that they're on opposite sides bc as a lover of solari n lunari lore, it feels much more taboo. especially considering how scornful the solari people are of the lunari people which is clear in how the reader treats him 😕 a bit unjustified but it's nice that we aren't exactly a blank sheet of paper in this bc ofc we'd still have to abide by our morals and views 🩵🩵 i also wonder what alune thinks of this if she ever found out, would she even in the first place LMAO "i fear your brother nonconned me 😓😨🧟‍♂️" HDHDHDHS whenever there's an aphelios fic alune always pops into my mind afterwards since she's so dear to me, would the reader ever interact w her through aphelios? bisexuals really winning w this champ 😔

LKJSDVGBFLJHSDFVLSH!! omfg thank you for thinking so much about it. im cryiinnngggg!!! and yeah, im totally writing a part two. I'm at 1.8k words right now. sorry I bounce around a lot so i take a while to write lol.

BUT UGH YES. i definitely wanted to do an enemies/lovers kind of feel. (although i think in phels perspective reader's more 'lover' by his terms because well he's pretty unhinged in his perspective. what can we expect from a guy born and raised as a religious assassin who only ever interacts to his sister?? yeah his 'social' skills aren't going to be the best lmfao)

and like you stated anon, them being lunari/solari just adds the extra layers of drama, depth, and juicy plot potential. all in all, quite a banger.

as far as alune goess, I'd say she 100% knew. only because, alune is a Seer that shows aphelios' path, and directs him on missions. basically the moon told alune "yeah this is going to happen" then alune was like "heyyy soo....you're going to have to do this bro" and then ofc phel was somewhat conflicted the whole time but hey FAITH is never questioning and doing what you're told cause it's supposedly 'right'. and he definitely wants the believe it was all for a 'good' reason. Like him and reader are destined lovers since otherwise, why would the moon have him do that instead of just kill her? kinda like getting a gift for always being obedient to his faith (the copium is strong with this one). but yeah, phel made sure the toxin wore off so that his poor sister didn't have to endure that. (but assassinating people is totally fine obvs!)

alune and reader would have some sort of relationship a bit later. reader is technically a priestess, even though a solari one, she'd still be able to have some way to connect to the spirit realm. or reader can feel the ethereal vibrations emanating from him, but not fully understand/hone in alune's presence. but i think slowly over time, readers growing connection with aphelios will have her gradually connected with alune at some point.

and I want to say the moon goddess has a plan as to why that had to be done to reader. not sure how far i'll actually get to reveal it or develop it, since honestly, i had no intention of continuing let alone build any lore (THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE SMUT DAMNIT HAHA) but we'll see.

whew, kinda went on a tangent, but i hope i've given you some good context anon! again, thank you for rereading my fixations and wanting more. as you can see, you've set off my dopamine receptors with this post lmfao. <3

stay tuned for part 2. ;3

#league of legends #aphelios #league of legends x reader #aphelios x reader #anon ask #anon love

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mission-light-if · 7 days

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💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

Sinan: He definitely likes to have a fun, maybe even childish and spontaneous dynamic with his partner. But she needs to be mature and reliable when needed. He likes to be more cozy at home, so his partner needs to be fine with that. He has too many adventurous things happening at work, so he doesn't need that in his free time. He also always has his team of chaotics nearby, so that's enough for him. He can sense someone's vibe really well, even just from observing them. If he feels connected or if the vibe is right, he can get interested immediately. He always sorts people into two categories—potential love or friendship—fairly early, and once you're in one category, it's hard to switch to the other. So if he sees a woman and goes through that process and ends up dating her, he will say that he fell in love at first sight.

Nayla: She and her partner need to give and take equally from each other in all aspects; it can't be one-sided. She wants to learn together with her partner, try new things, do fun things, and be creative. Trying to communicate is also super important for her—open and honest communication, even if she struggles with it herself. The trying part is important. Also, her partner should validate her feelings because she struggles with expressing them. She doesn't believe in love at first sight, but she can be interested at first sight and then try to interact with that woman to see how they vibe together and base her intentions on that. It's more like interest at first conversation.

Aneka: She needs to be comfortable with the person and vice versa, just existing in the same space without much interaction. She doesn't like forced interaction to cover awkwardness; if that's necessary, she and that person don't work well together. If she wants to, she will speak or interact with them, but you can't force her to. It can be random, but she just does what she feels like in the moment. It doesn't mean she doesn't interact at all; it's just limited, and she isn't shy or emotionless. She still expresses her emotions a lot if you observe her closely. She doesn't fall in love, but if she likes a person platonically, she will want them by her side, just mostly existing there, together. Working together, eating together, reading together. Giving each other stability and strength through being near each other, not being alone. Finding comfort in that is important for a really close friendship with her. Grounding and finding peace with each other. You need a lot of time, and it needs to happen naturally. You can't force her to like you and get on that level. One day, you and she are hanging out, and you ask yourself, "Wow, she just appeared, and now we're so close. How did that happen?" Like when you think about how you befriended that one person you're close with, and it just happened.

Hongyu: He has his boundaries, and they need to be respected. He needs time to open up about his deeper self and his thoughts and feelings. There's a whole world with depths inside him that he keeps hidden most of the time. He will come to his partner when he is ready, on his own. You can't force it. His partner needs to give him that space. His partner also needs to calm him and his mind, helping him get out of his head, stop overthinking, by spending time together—exciting or calm. Time with his partner should give him energy, not take it from him like his normal life does. It must feel natural and not like a chore. He doesn't want to be babied; he wants his partner to respect his decisions and trust in his ability to make decisions for himself. He doesn't believe in love at first sight. For him, casual friendships or even flirting are first and foremost fun. From there, deeper relationships can form; he needs a base first.

Miguel: His future man need to be fine with him being a little jittery. I have diagnosed ADHD, and I see a lot of traits I have in him, to be honest. He is also chaotic, bubbly, and talks a lot, so his partner has to be fine with that. His partner needs to let him talk, especially about things he is passionate about when he has a new impulse or something. He can be random and reckless, so it's best if his partner matches his energy but also looks out for him in that regard. He can overthink a lot, so his partner has to reassure him frequently. His partner also needs to be able to stand up for what he believes in; Miguel has strong morals and values. Like many others, he needs a partner with whom he can calm down a little, where he can stop his overactive mind. He definitely believes in love at first sight, especially when that person seems to match his energy. In his head, he is already planning the wedding and a whole family together. Still, that relationship needs time to develop.

Marcos/Maria: Trust is super important for them. Seriously breaking it makes it hard to regain, even more in a romantic relationship than in a friendship, where they are more forgiving. They also give that dedication back, of course, but they also need it from their partner. Their partner has to let them be perfectionistic and experience their emotions when they mess up. Don't downplay the problem, and don't put pressure on them to do better or tell them they messed up if you weren't directly involved because they already know. Maybe don't mention it at all until some time has passed. Let them live through it; they will learn, talk about it, and maybe even accept it eventually. Be there for them when they reach that stage. Their partner needs to recognize what they are going through and acknowledge it. They have a hard time asking for and accepting help but secretly appreciate it. They don't believe in love at first sight; they have a hard time with romance and feelings in general. They aren't even actively looking at someone that way.

Minhyuk/Miyeon/Min: They like teasing and when their partner gets them out of their shell, out of their comfort zone. They may seem like they hate it at first, but then they realize they don't and just needed a push. Their partner should make them laugh, validate their feelings—both positive and negative—and support them regarding their feelings and dreams. It's important for their partner to tell them it's okay to feel a certain way in a situation. They also need much time with their partner, with a lot of contact through regular messages, calls, etc. They have a lot of dedication and are stubborn, which can be frustrating, so their partner needs to be okay with that. They also have high values and morals. They can come off as rude and moody a lot, so their partner needs to be able to deal with that and see the person underneath. They know a lot of people can't deal with them, so they don't dare to fall in love at first sight or even show interest.

Some thoughts that came to my mind: there is even more to each character, but yeah, that's what just came out when I felt into them and brainstormed and wrote everything down :) As always, this can change in the future because I never know how actually writing them, the scenes, the story, etc. will shape them. (I just realized I gave a lot of my traits to different characters: Miguel and ADHD, Aneka and her aromanticism, specifically how "romance" or deep connections feel to her. Like I am aromantic, but I can still be in a sort of romantic relationship, but it is just different for me than what the mainstream portrays. It's more like friends with a little more? You will see in the story...)

#interactive fiction #interactive game #interactive novel #interactive story #mission light #if #mission light if #lgbtq #love interests #romance options #m soto #aneka evans #miguel martínez #min lim #sinan demir #nayla leong #hongyu huang

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suzteel · 1 year

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I've been meaning to put together a rec list for forever, but @kprecfest finally gave me the kick in the behind I needed to do it. This is a little long, but in no way exhaustive—I still have so many fics on my to read list and I haven't had the chance to venture far from VegasPete yet (but there are a few non-VP recs at the end there). Also, I tried to limit the number of recs per author to one or two, but so many of these authors have multiple amazing works. If you like something definitely give their profile a view. Also standard caveat to make sure you read the tags for these. I hope you enjoy!

VegasPete

Such Precious Hours by ellieellieoxenfree (wip, explicit, post-canon)

Nobody ever really escapes this life.

One of my favorite takes on post-canon injured Vegas, treating it as the disability it realistically would be. And Ellie is so deft at grounding the physical with emotional pain and vice versa. But this fic has an incredible emotional depth that is alternatively sweet and heavy and hard, with truly great family moments and a lot of heart.

do it for me by lusn (oneshot, mature, post-canon)

Pete rolls onto his back, thunks his head back lightly against the floor. “Goddammit,” he says.

Lu has such a fantastic skill for writing action and bamf!VegasPete. This was the fic that made me fall in love with her writing. It's action-packed and sexy as hell. Super fun.

walking shadows by Lise (oneshot, teen, post-canon)

Even if almost everything else in his life still kind of sucks, Vegas at least thought things with Pete were going pretty well. The past is in the past, right? Everything's fine. Or not. Pete's reliving his trauma at night. Vegas has a crisis about it, and tries to figure out what he's supposed to do now.

Annnnnnnnnnngst. The only fic to legit make me cry so far in this fandom. Vegas is really going through it in this fic as he deals with his guilt and self-loathing in the aftermath of canon. Heart-wrenching and devastating.

The Blood in Your Mouth by folie_a_yeux (wip, explicit, f/f au)

She could stay like this for hours, just staring at Pete. Making her stare back. She could snake her fingers through her hair, like she’s done now, countless times, and bare that exquisite neck. She could run her hands over her stomach, down her thighs, feeling her gasp and squirm. And she could take her. Right here, on the dirty floor of this cramped, filthy room. She could bring back the light in Pete’s eyes, that look she hid in that Bangkok cell. She could make her do more than scream. F/F PeteVegas, or "Torture is Always Sexier With Lesbians."

God. I love this fic so much. This version of Vegas, with no hope of ever being a heir because of her gender, is truly unhinged and breathtaking. And the writing is just so lush and sharp and visceral.

The Opposite Of Hate by kerrikins (oneshot, teen, character study)

Or, three times Pete should have killed Vegas but didn't. Or, Pete's filled with emotions and doesn't know what to do with them or what they mean. Set between his escape and the end of the season.

Kerri is maybe more known for her AUs, but this shorter canonical Pete POV fic is still one of my favorites. I love her take on Pete's mindset through this period of the story and how it transforms over the short period between episodes 13 and 14.

where it's so sweet and heavenly by saru (oneshot, explicit, post-canon w/Venice)

Hornbills mate for life. Vegas thinks he understands. or, Pete is the perfect business partner, lover and father. Vegas wants him to have his babies. Figuratively speaking.

Another gorgeously written post-canon fic, this time with a lush sense of setting and symbolism. Also Vegas's obsessive adoration of Pete is this is just top notch.

golden hour by honeydrip (lmeden) (oneshot, teen, post-canon)

Pete stretches as he wakes, a languid gesture that fills up the bed and presses him against Vegas. His spine cracks and the muscles in his shoulders scream and he feels the bruises on his side begin to burn. He is a symphony of pain, and he smiles into the flesh of Vegas’s arm. Pete and Vegas get ready to go out on a date.

If you are in love with Vegas's wardrobe like me, this is a great fic for you. Also has gorgeous writing and the intimacy is so good.

fool's gold landed on my shoulder by phnelt (oneshot, mature, canon-divergent/au)

Today is the day the minor family attacks the major family’s compound. It’s the seventh time for Vegas. (Time loop fic)

Vegas is stuck reliving the minor family coup over and over again. A short time loop fic with a whooper of a punch.

Lost Pet by clandestinegardenias (oneshot, mature, canon-divergent)

Vegas has very few things he truly allows himself to care for, in this life. Going through the routine of feeding his hedgehog, only to find that a second pet has left him in as many weeks, might finally be the thing that pulls him under.

Events go differently with Pete's escape and Vegas's hedgehog. I'll be honest, this one is on here because it feels like it was written for me a little bit. I'm quite fond of it.

Separated by a degree by shamiram (wip, explicit, au)

Pete doesn't quite know how he went from being a street thug working at an illegal boxing ring to being a bodyguard for one of the most powerful men in Thailand, but he isn’t exactly complaining. or: Vegas meets Pete at an underground boxing ring, and everything spirals uncontrollably for both of them

This is an omegaverse fic with omega!Vegas and Alpha!Pete. Also a boxer AU. I really love the VegasPete dynamic in this one and how the author approaches canonical events through this AU.

dancing in a snow globe by incendir (oneshot, mature, post-canon)

“Can’t sleep?” Pete echoes back. “Without you, no,” Vegas says quietly. “I can’t.” [Or, five times Pete is asked about Vegas, and one time he isn't]

Conversations Pete has in the aftermath of canon. I really love their dynamic in this one. It's all about the codependence and mutual obsession.

The Coexistence of Opposite Values by destimushi (oneshot, explicit, post-canon)

Vegas can’t remember how it started. Can’t remember the day he decided inflicting pain would also bring him pleasure. Not satisfaction, not fulfilment, but a burning pleasure that sets his dick on fire. Pete asks for a caning. Vegas has thoughts about it.

I really love this fic's exploration of Vegas and his relationship to kink before and after Pete.

take me to your planet by any_open_eye (oneshot, explicit, missing scene)

Pete’s face is doing something. He thinks he might be smiling. He feels fucking high. What the hell is happening to him? He knows afterglow and this isn't it. If it was, he'd be way more into sex. There were people in high school and then one long-term girlfriend a few years ago, but she never—it was nothing like this. This is like… that blissful moment between sleeping and waking when you're conscious of your body but not yet of your mind. Just a vessel of receptors and processes. Electrified meat. “That was good, right?” Vegas's hands are on him. “Tell me it was good.”

Probably my favorite fic set within canon. I've reread this one so many times. It so beautifully connects episode 12 to the start of episode 13, and I really love Pete's headspace in this one.

even the clearest water by LuckyDiceKirby (oneshot, mature, post-canon)

He pulled Pete in for another kiss. Pete shoved him, hard, and Vegas fell back a few steps. He was breathing fast, his palms flat against the door. Vegas hadn’t seen him this scared in a long time. “What’s wrong?” Vegas asked. “I need you to shut me up,” Pete said. “I don’t care how. Use your belt, your shirt, I don’t care, just don’t let me talk.” - Vegas and Pete get dosed with a truth drug. No one ends up having a good time.

Pete's characterization in this fic is painful and incisive. Darkly delicious, this one.

Brand Recognition by iffervescent (oneshot, explicit, au)

Vegas wants his top billing back. Pete likes being on the bottom.

Super hot, smutty, smutty porn. I really loved Vegas's characterization in this too, especially his obsession with aftercare.

If You Had Something to Lose by raelle (wip, explicit, au)

When Pete saves a bleeding, gorgeous stranger from being killed by the Yakuza, that man opens doors to a world of submission and pleasure he’d never known before. When Vegas is saved by a beautiful college student, he knows he doesn’t want to let the man slip through his fingers. The two of them start up an arrangement: kinky sex, but only casually. But with the Yakuza on the hunt for the person who took down their men, and the main family asking questions about where Vegas goes when he disappears, how long will their casual arrangement last? – OR: Pete is a college student. Vegas is in the mafia. They shouldn’t meet, but they do, and their spark is impossible to ignore.

This one is just fun. I've been super enjoying the wild ride it takes me on every Friday. If you are looking for a fun fic to really dive into and spend some time in, this is it.

Other Recs

Intermission by Lise (Macau centric, teen, missing scenes)

His brother's in the hospital, his dad's dead, and his only ally is the main family bodyguard who was stalking Vegas, who seems to be a little unhinged. Macau, in the aftermath.

Really great exploration of Macau and what he might have been going through in episode 14 (aka he was not having a good time). I really love the range of emotions Macau processes in this and how he bonds with Pete. Great fic.

Dad Joke by nonplussed (Macau & Porchay & Pete, teen)

Technically written for day 1 of VP Fan Week for the prompt 'fake relationship', except there is no fake dating in this fic. There is, however, fake dad-ing

Delightful little fic about Macau and Chay bonding and giving Pete a hard time (with special guests Porsche and Vegas). Love this one.

reignite by lusn (Namphueng centric, teen, post-canon)

Namphueng has been endlessly dreaming. She can only tell because for the first time in years, she might finally be awake.

A darkly compelling exploration of Namphueng as she reacts to canonical events. Deeply love this character exploration and all it's terrible implications.

fuck it all back down by syzygetic (Vegas/multiple, explicit, canon-divergent)

Everything about sex is performative. There is no such thing as fucking without an agenda, at least in Vegas’s experience. He wouldn’t have survived to adulthood if he was precious about shit like that. Vegas and some of the men he sleeps with in his desperate, rage-filled attempts to be loved or hated--either will work.

I found this one to be a really compelling Vegas character study centering on his obsession with Kinn.

checkmate (series) by majestictortoise (teen/mature, post-canon)

I've actually only read the first few fics in this series, but I adore all of them and plan to finish the rest as soon as I have the time. The author has such an incredible grasp on the characterization for pretty much everybody and I love how they are continuing the story post-canon (aka operation kill korn).

And that's it (for now)! <3

#kprecfest #fic rec #vegaspete #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #long post

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aeternallis · 9 months

Note

i want to hear all the violence: 14, 16, and 18 !!!

14) that one thing you see in fics all the time

In a lot of Kimchay reconciliation fics on Ao3, a lot of authors like to write Chay running away and going off on his own.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I can’t see that scenario of Chay leaving post-canon events as a plausible idea at all, but rather it’s that I disagree with the impulsivity with which he usually makes that decision in the fic, yknow? The impulsivity is mostly based on how he regards both Porsche and Kim at the moment, instead of it being a well-thought out decision on his part and giving the appropriate weight of consideration it deserves. And by this I mean more often than not, the running away scenario is a result of feeling abandoned or left behind by Porsche and/or the betrayal from Kim.

And see, I’ve always been a firm believer that Chay is a very strong, brave, and rational character, so the running away thing is an antithesis to this belief. Despite his young age, the narrative tells us that he's not as naïve as one might expect, and he knows his own worth and steadfastness. I’ve said it before too that at where BOC leaves Chay in the final episode, he has more reasons to stay than not.

He no longer looks at Porsche with the idealization of a younger brother, but it doesn't mean his loyalty to him is any less than it was before. His anger over Kim's lies and perhaps the sudden changes in his life is clouding his judgement, but it doesn't mean he loves Kim any less, or that he wants to cut ties with everyone in his life completely.

So the Chay running away scenario is something I can see under only specific circumstances, but it's an interesting interpretation by a lot of writers for the KP fandom that this character would completely drop everything based on emotional impulse alone.

16) you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

The babygirl/uwu-fication of one Kimhant Theerapanyakul--//HITS It's a bit vague, but certain headcanons such as:

-acts like a cat / loves cats -not knowing how to act on his emotions -not knowing how to articulate his feelings -no confidence in taking the lead in his relationship with Chay -allowing for Chay to bully him because of his lies, lol

Lol I've said it a lot of times, but I might as well go a bit more in-depth with it on here lol

Okay, see--here's the thing: it's hard for me to see Kim as having any soft edges or any weird, lovable quirks outside of his interaction with Chay and/or his brothers, because throughout the entire show, there's an air of mystery surrounding his character that BOC never quite shakes off. Honestly, my ongoing theory about that is the fact that they may be setting Kim up to be the "true" heir to the throne, as established in the novel. Which again, brings him a little bit closer to his book counterpart.

He's the only character in the show that has no comedic scenes--most if not all of his scenes are either soft/sweet w/ Chay pre-break up, rude to Big, an asshole to strangers, and angst post-break up, lol

He's a very controlled, serious-minded character who is capable of being vulnerable and open with only a select few people, but it's not his default state whatsoever. I don't think it means that he doesn't know how to act on his emotions, since the show shows us the contrary: he's physically affectionate with Chay once the latter confesses to him, and he didn't hesitate to sing to Chay of his feelings and his remorse for his actions that have hurt them both.

These aren't the actions of someone who's awkward with feelings and isn't aware of them; on the contrary, it goes to show that he's all too aware of them, hence his controlling nature from the beginning and his need to know what's going on.

Kim is definitely a character who understands what he wants and the effort he has and is willing to make in order to get it, be it Chay or wanting to know the machinations of his father and their family. Because of this, I just don't want to give disservice to his character by thinking that he's not capable of what he can actually do.

18) it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

THIS VERSION OF KORN! He's so different from the Korn in the show who's all scheming and be playing 4D chess with everyone in this life, and I'm just so surprised that not many creatives in the fandom has utilized him????

He just screams divorced male dad energy who miraculously got custody of all 3 kids during the divorce proceedings w/ the ex and doing his best to keep himself and his 3 sons afloat, all the while running an illegal empire on the side. XD

For example, the chocolate factory thing: he wants to get it off the ground for sentimental reasons, and the wrappers for the chocolates depicts his 3 kids. Adshjhjkhfdkj

For reals, I would have loved to have seen how this version of Korn would have changed the tone of the story, yknow? In the book, he definitely gives off that aura of an exhausted father who's doing his best to leave behind a legacy for his children, even if it means at the questionable cost of trampling on everyone else.

The fact that in the book he's divorced and the boys' mama left the family just a little while after Kim was born is honestly an interesting backstory for this guy, and I for one am here for it. LOL

#kimchay #kinnporsche #my ramblings #asks #korn theerapanyakul #meta

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deeply-unserious-fellow · 2 months

Text

No okay bcuz actually I DO want to explain my thoughts from this post here because I love analyzing things and I think talking abt Vox's relationships thru the lens of "this is just like Buffy fr fr" could be fun :)

FIRST OFF: VoxVal as Spike & Drusilla. I do not know their ship name and tbh I'm probably never gonna talk about them again so whooooo cares. To state the obvious, in this situation Vox is Spike and Val is Dru. Now, it's been awhile since I've watched Buffy, but from what I remember, Spike & Drusilla really are THE toxic villain couple, in that they're both like. Not very good to or for eachother, all things considered, but goddamnit they love eachother SO MUCH- which really is the generous interpretation of Staticmoth. I'm not gonna go super in depth into the fucking. Is Staticmoth abusive debate rn. Because I have one million other posts that make my stance on that pretty clear I think. But the uh... nicer interpretation of their relationship is very much Spike & Drusilla I think. Like right down to the headcannon of Vox liking how Val's shit eyesight & temper tantrums makes him kind of dependent on him. Again, could be misremembering, but based off of how Spike was w/ Dru while she was weakened(and based off of how he rebounded w/ Harmony of all people 💀), I get the distinct vibe that, despite his frustrations, Spike did like having somebody relying on him the way Dru(and later Harmony) did. Vox def seems like the type of guy that would get a kick out of feeling Needed and Relied On(why else would he literally route the entire Pride rings power grid through himself-), and Valentino is. Well. Valentino. I'm not gonna go over their interaction before Stayed Gone because it makes me ~genuinely uncomfortable~ for reasons I have, once again, gone into in depth before, but suffice it to say that it's definitely in character for Vox to be into Val relying on him like that. Oh also, like somebody pointed out in the reblogs on the original post, the reason Spike & Dru broke up from s3 all the way to their reunion in s5 is that she cheated on him and that's. Yeah that sounds about right.

And second, the Staticradio twins: Spuffy and Spangel. Why the fuck did I call them the Staticradio twins? I don't know I'm tired as shit and just used most of my brain power on the VoxVal segment now get off my back- anyways, these two are actually pretty easy to explain so I'll just get right into it! Most of the similarities between Staticradio and Spuffy can really be summed up in the song Reat In Peace from Buffy's musical episode. One-sided, obsessive crush on someone who you know deep down will probably never reciprocate. You want them to just leave you the fuck alone and stay gone(hahahahahahahahah), but they just. Aren't. Like even the bits about being a dead guy without a heart beat are spot on because Vox is a motherfuckin DEMON who is a ROBOT!!!!!!! Also the Alastor Body Pillow fanon(which IS fanon. It is. I'm sorry to say but that wasn't a thing on the Instagrams y'all-) does line up with the uh. The Buffy sex bot- it does line up with the Buffy sex bot. Anyways moving on to the Spangel section-

"You were my sire man!" - Spike, to Angel, in his introduction episode. I don't remember if this was retconned in season 5(or 6?) to be Dru siring Spike? It might've been. But for the sake of this post lets pretend it wasn't. Angel was basically Spike's mentor for a lot of their time together pre-show. They ran around in their weird little vampire polycule causing problems for everyone and life was good! Then Angel got cursed. Bro got a soul and then ran away for years without a word to anyone. Then, cut to current day, and Spike is hyped to see him right up to the point he realizes Angel has Changed. And from that point onward to two are RIVALS!!!!! Narrative foils, even. And while it isn't exactly the same as Alastor and Vox's history, it's pretty damn similar right!? Al was(presumably) Vox's friend and mentor for YEARS, like to the point of being comfortable taking a picture with him. Then something happens between them, causing a rivalry to form. Throw somewhere in the mix Al's deal & him fucking off for 7 years... it's like the same pieces being put together in a new way to make a different puzzle. Is Rosie Darla in this analogy? Unclear. Val is still Dru though. Do y'all get where I'm coming from? It's far, FAR from the same thing, like there are so many fucking differences and that's just going off of the stuff we DO know(I want to know more god I can't wait for season 2-), but the dynamics ARE similar. They're narrative foils with a deep history w/ eachother where they were probably-definitely friends, something caused them to become RIVALS, and also one of them is cursed and dissappeared for several years-

Whoo boy this got kinda incoherent- Anyways, that brings me to my brand new fun and interesting point: Vox and Spike are kinda similar characters. They're both antagonists who wanna be Big Tough Scary guys so bad, and like. They are. They are big tough AND scary. Sometimes. But for the vast majority of their screen time, their emotions, capacity for love(no matter how twisted their version of love is), and the consequences of that love going wrong continually get the better of them and cause them to look to us, the audience, like silly pathetic wet cats we found on the side of the road. Then they get Weird about it(Vox's "rivalry" w/ Angel and the. Buffy sex bot.) and we remember oh yeah this guy is EVIL! They also both wear long jackets and are bisexual :)

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mosviqu · 8 months

Note

could u assign ur moots as a particular fic you’ve written??

ANON this is the most fun mutual game ive ever recieved thank u 😋

@csenke is definitely how we make sunny days. her vibe is very much sweet and calming and very very comforting. this fic is very golden hour late autumn vibes which fits her a lot hhh. but also i feel like i should say liebestraum bc....duh.. 🙄

@zzoguri is sympathy subtraction. and mon now, this fic is special to me. but i somehow think you have the same comforting vibe but also you and your work kind of radiate the same longing as this fic does?? also u are a really great friend to me and u kind of fit the vibe of vernon in this fic but also the whole friendgroup.. idk it just fits okay

@satoruly is annoying (derogatory) and listen NOT because you're annoying because youre NOT! but i rlly enjoy the vibe of this fic and somehow i think it fits you...? its kinda fun but also kinda silly but also kinda sweet and i think thats a perfect mix for you

@sungbeam is potential. i dont even know why ?? maybe its the dynamic of the friendgroup and also yn and chenle that kind of reminds me of beam. there is a lot of care in the relationship they share and also a lot of identity crisis in chenle that reminds me of u beam NOT IN A BAD WAY THO its just that i see you as a very complex and interesting person and i think chenle in this has a lot of depth. also just fyi this fic is my top 5 ever and i adore beam a lot so

@decembermoonskz is i'm not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) for the band vibes idk TT but also there's something about the time i wrote this fic in that reminds me of you. it's my comfort fic in a way and you izzy are my comfort person too

@flowerjun is you're not the only one !! this fic is somehow wholesome but also bittersweetingly sad and something about that is very kyuzu to me :,) also kyu i miss u and i love u. this fic has little sister vibes and thats you to me.

@injangism is all is on my side. a lot of love and longing and missing someone went into this fic and the way mc and jeno love is the type of love we have to each other - never ending, selfless and pure (in my opinion... idk if it shines through in the fic haha). ily sm xx

@kimsohn is sweet like candy :p cool but lovely vibes, very much maya. mc of this has your vibes in my opinion?? also this fic was very fun to write and i always have fun when i talk w u !!!:pp

@winterchimez is the storm's fury and now do NOT ask me why... it's literally league lore...? TT but again the vibes kinda fit and it's one of my only fantasy fics and i think this genre kind of radiates your vibes for some odd reason

@heemingyu is lee felix's guide to hating you. idk i wrote this fic a LONG time ago but i remember it as being very fun but also kind of personal to me ?? i don't really have much reasoning for this becuase sometimes i speak vibes only but if this fic had a trailer/moodboard/something it would be sana vibes for sure

@justalildumpling is just saying NO ARGUING idk for some reason j gives me yangyang vibes in this fic especially. very real, very fun, very self-aware, very silly and very adorably delusional (that fits you as a sunwoo stan). altho i will say you are cooler than yang AHAHA.

#this made me realize just how many fics i have.#also sorry if i didnt include you i only did the ones i had a clear association for :((

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acheronist · 8 months

Text

ok here's my player fansign event gossip

🐙

i was running a teensy bit late so i didn't get to say hi to rasmussen but he did look VERY handsome and looked a bit afraid LMAO. my sweet moose was probably out of his depth.. socially awkward darling

debrincat came out second and he was so so so so kind to fans. he was taking a ton of time to stop and sign something for EVERYONE who wanted something signed. about 8 or 9 guys passed him and went inside before he was nearly done walking thru the crowd to sign stuff... :'-) welcome home kitty we love u + it was so nice to see him recognize how excited we are for him too rahhh

i honestly dont remember seeing andrew copp at all but he must have walked by lol

berggren was sooo 🤏🏻🤏🏻 and cute and polite. he signed things very neatly and small and carefully (literally just JB48 in like a 1" square. its ok baby u can take up more space) + we congratulated him on getting called up again because we all love to see him skate and he seemed really genuinely surprised/pleased to hear it

it seemed like ville was bouncing back and forth between both sides of the walk a ton... also just trying to sign everything for everyone who wanted it... he was so 🙂 shaped though.. and he really is pale as fuck i think my guy was refracting sunlight as he walked by. i liked his signature a lot though it was very tight + angular + neatly written. big emphasis on the double Ls in his name. I dont even remember if he spoke though i'll be real.

ben chiarot looked sharp as FUCK. he had a turtleneck on under his suit jacket and his hair all slicked back..... he was serving sexy team dilf without children realness. so my bestie asked him if he just got done at a GQ model shoot while he was signing her shirt and he smirked and laughed under his breath a bit. whore <3

fischer was really fun to look at irl. his face is crazy i want 2 draw him. thats all i got LMAO. i dont remember anything else sorry to the christian fischer stans of tumblr dot com

compher was very polite too but he was moving thru the crowd really quick.. again i think he was just awkward and a little out of his depth w the crowd in the same way ras was? but he was very polite + nice + softspoken tho and i took a selfie w him for @comphy-and-cozy because she's violently in love with him but couldn't be there LOL

ghost looked SAUR sexy.. dark green suit well tailored very kind and polite.. i like that boy ! he was really softspoken too which surprised me because he's been such a freaky bitch on the ice lately

i also dont remember sprong at all but i do remember thinking it was kind of a #serve to match the toque to be the same burgundy color as his suit (also extremely well tailored. everyone looked very handsome). creative ways to make early male pattern baldness be kind of cunty + well dressed for the weather.

DYLAN.... DYYLAAANNNNNNNNNN

he was so so lovely.. definitely doing the same move as debrincat where he was just taking his damn time to sign smth for everyone who wanted smth. he was kind of in Good Captain Autopilot Mode it really reminded me of clips of stevie from the 90s... hockeytown loves our captains so much its unreal. but he signed my jersey and said hi to our little group and i sooo shaky lmao. but i handed him the art & he started to sign the plastic sleeve it was in? and I went no it's for you! and he kind of checked back into real life and went oh OH!!!!! and smiled when he actually looked at it and carried it w him thru the rest of the line :'-) idk i feel like he must get a lot of gifts from fans? but he definitely looked at it inside the doors of the LCA and he definitely carried it w him and didn't throw it away immediately so. big win for people who are me.

lucas and mo were funny asf they made it about 75% of the way thru the line and then the sun came out and was in their eyes and they both said ok i'm done now thank u and left. #respect

joey was so cute.. my bestie made a sign calling him a himbo last year and (then) he asked what a himbo was so we said Lmao google it, and this year he was signing stuff and talking to us and we were like "did you ever google what a himbo was" and he went huh. ohhh yeah lol like he was somehow both Pleased and Very embarrassed about it . cutesie.

newsy came out too!! and his daughter was with him and it was so cute they had matching friendship bracelets and newsy was like (to us the crowd) omg guys can we take a selfie ? can we do that?? and we were like Dawg you're head coach you can do anything you want..... so we all got a selfie w him LMAOOOO and he was so sweet and gently spoken and kind to fans. which still is crazy. i get whiplash every time how different he is to blash (the old coach who was a bitch and looked like he wanted to call people slurs but knew better) its unreallll

i think all the interviews where walman's said how much he likes detroit + feels wanted here weren't lies or exaggerations at all.... he stuck around so long to sign things for everyone (like dylan and debrincat did) and I think he was the last guy on the walk? and he was so funny and smiley and happy to be there.. my fucking GUY!!!!

#drw #also everyone was walked out alongside younger kids who play for the little caesars team and that was so cool too #esp because there were so many ~10 y/o girls who looked like they could kick your ass just hanging out w nhlers as they walked

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aspd-culture · 11 months

Note

is guilt-based anxiety (example: scared of being a burden), depression (example: feeling guilty for being alive, for being a burden and all that low self-esteem nonsense) and guilt/moral-based ocd (example: feeling like youre an abuser or committed a heinous crime that you didnt commit, like S/A-OCD or P-OCD), or themes of guilt in schz (example: delusions where you think youre guilty of having done something you havent, like murder for instance, or hallucinations of voices who encourage the themes stated in the example i gave for depression) or ptsd/trauma (example: for experiencing trauma) etc. possible in aspd? and/or how would these things present in someone with aspd (as opposed to someone without aspd? people w/o ASPD (generally) feel a lot of (genuine) guilt and remorse and i experience... walmart-brand guilt. i feel anxious and "guilty" but only because of 1. whatever remnants of christian doctrination is in my brain 2. my phobias 3. my need for control, or 4. a byproduct of my mental illnesses. (probably a learned thought process for me - its not really natural for me, not really out of care for others (unless you count ocd), and the thought pattern is what ive been told throughout my life/otherwise originated from others)

All of that is very possible and actually very relevant to my experience as a pwASPD, as well as OCD, PTSD, and religious trauma. Hopefully that means I can give you a relatively in-depth explanation of what this feels like for me firsthand.

So all of these types of Great Value guilt are moreso examples of shame. Religious trauma causes shame, guilt OCD is generally a misnomer for shame, and shame is a *major* symptom of clinical depression and of PTSD. Shame is a more personal take on guilt, in that it affects your opinion of who you are as a person, and it can (and often does) exist outside of actually having done something wrong both in prosocials and pwASPD. Guilt is an instinct when you have done something wrong to admit it and work to change the behavior in the future and make up for the harm it caused or had the potential to cause. Shame doesn’t care if you’ve actually wronged anyone nor does it care if you change the behavior in the future - and it doesn’t believe you can *ever* make up for it. Shame says you are a terrible horrible no-good very bad person because of *insert reason* and for that you must work your ass off to try to be redeemed while knowing you are never ever going to be. Shame is irrational while guilt is (considered by prosocials to be) rational.

In pwASPD, shame tends to be polarizing. I have talked to pwASPD who felt shame *much* more intensely because they had no experience with guilt to temper it, so the feeling was entirely foreign (this is how I experience it, although I’ve done some work to unlearn that), and I’ve met other pwASPD who can completely ignore the feeling of shame because they can easily identify it as not beneficial and therefore ignore it. I think part of it depends on how you take on things like ableism as well - it seems to correlate that people who don’t internalize any ableism are better at pushing away feelings of shame, whilst people like me who struggle with internalizing ableism are more distressed by shame.

It’s also worth noting that shame specifically associated with PTSD from the same place that led to the ASPD (so in other words, related to childhood trauma) can end up being the pwASPD’s only definition of guilt, and feel very all-encompassing because of that. They may feel haunted by any little thing they do that would have been wrong in the eyes of the person who caused the trauma. This can result in a pwASPD who is very timid and/or shows few symptoms. In my case, issues with this led me to lean away from the more obvious symptoms of my ASPD, which is why I had to fight myself on whether or not I truly had it before I was diagnosed. I was fairly meek for most of my life, and the classic behaviors many pwASPD experience like violent outbursts leading to breaking things and/or hurting animals or other children, breaking rules and defying authority, etc. was, for me, replaced by the more covert versions of those things. I broke things - but they were my things that I knew wouldn’t be missed. I would get bursts of rage and take it out on things I knew could take it or that I could excuse as being lost, or better yet, things that could have easily been broken by other means. For example, I had a tendency to break pencils when I was angry, so I would intentionally pick up any pencils I found on the floor at school and break *those* when I was angry, and for the same reason I washed and saved popsicle sticks “for arts and crafts”. I fell into the manipulation and deception (besides of my main caregiver who is an Exception) side more than the rule-breaking and violence side due to that trauma. The shame for the actions was something I could only tolerate if I could tell myself “nobody but you knows what you did” or “the only thing you broke are things that don’t mean anything to anybody and would be in the trash otherwise”.

I would say the biggest thing that pwASPD dealing with that intense shame feeling would do differently than most other pwASPD is to appear more “in control”. ASPD forms from trauma, so if that traumatic shame (and yes, growing up with OCD without knowing it and without having safe support *is* very often traumatic) is constantly beating on you as a part of the trauma, certain symptoms may not show up the same way as they would for someone where they didn’t have that. It’s not the same as not doing something because you can control the urge/impulse - what I’ve described here is just redirection of said impulse - and it’s not the same as feeling guilt. It’s a symptom of one or multiple other disorders playing in tandem with the ASPD symptoms.

As for how pwASPD deal with this shame compared to prosocials, I would say that it has the potential seriously numb us in a way that it doesn’t to prosocials. Generally, prosocials have a better idea of how to identify between the feelings of guilt vs shame, which is how most of them learn to recognize and act on one while not taking in the other. At the point where they can’t, it usually creates an anxiety disorder on top of whatever is causing the shame. In pwASPD however, if we feel shame like this, it often makes us even *less* receptive to the feeling of true guilt. For those of us who easily ignore the shame, guilt just gets lumped in with that and they move on, and for those of us that internalize the shame, guilt pales in comparison and we don’t see it as intrusive enough to listen to.

All of this is, as always, fairly anecdotal, but this is how I experience it combined with how people I have talked to describe it. It’s worth noting that many elitists will claim that feeling shame means you can’t have ASPD. I simply do not have the bandwidth to go into the details of *how ridiculous* that is right now, but it is in no way true. There is zero reason, in my opinion, to say that a symptom of another disorder cannot exist at the same time as ASPD. Afaik, there is currently no disorder that excludes you from the diagnosis of ASPD. The only disorders that even come close are bipolar disorder, schizophrenia/other disorders causing psychosis, and substance abuse disorder - but none of these truly exclude you from an ASPD diagnosis, they just require extra examination to make sure the symptoms do not only occur when manic, in psychosis, or while h1gh/drvnk respectively.

Sorry if this is a bit of a novel, I’m getting used to being back and trying to be concise again.

#tw trauma #tw ptsd #tw ocd #tw shame #tw religious guilt #tw religion #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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