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omegapheromone · 11 months ago

Note

do you have any advice for someone who is struggling to figure out their misce identity?

personally i’ve always just assumed that i’m an omega (because i’m a smaller person and more submissive?) and gone with that, but after thinking about it more i really don’t think i am?

i think that i have a lot of “typical” or “normal” omega traits, but i feel much more like an alpha? so uhh yeah hopefully this isn’t too annoying

Hiya! Not at all annoying, this ask is a great opportunity for me to talk about some topics I've been wanting to talk about for a while, actually! I will write a longer post but here's everything, VERY shortly:

First of all, ask yourself why you ascribe specific traits or features to specific dynamics, and WHY in your mind being small and submissive means one HAS TO be an Omega. Does this mean that absolutely no omega ever can be tall, muscular, strong, dominant? Does this mean that not a single alpha ever can be small or submissive? Where did these mental associations come from? Could it be that you have subconsciously taken the most common and stereotypical fictional traits of "alphas and omegas", even if you know logically it doesn't work in real life, and are trying to force those stereotypes onto yourself? Would you tell anyone ELSE but yourself that they cannot be an alpha because they are small and submissive? Or would you tell anyone else that they cannot be an omega, because they are tall and strong and dominant? Or are these things you're only trying to force on yourself because you think you should fit some stereotype that's completely based on fictional characters?

My tone there isn't meant to sound harsh at all- I go WAY more in detail below, but the post is long, like, genuinely very long, and I'm just trying to summarize the simplest and most important point as concisely as I can in a string of questions to ask yourself- the point in ALL of this is that your identity should be dictated by what feels right and good to YOU, not what stereotype you fit into. People are always more complex than stereotypes, and if you feel more alpha, then that's all you need. Physical traits, personality, sexual preferences, etc- none of these things dictate what your dynamic is or should be.

That being said, I have to give a fair warning. This post WILL end up being LONG.

Another thing- I personally am an omega and have always identified as such, so I'm gonna tag @pack-the-pack and more specifically @miscealignment a.k.a. Null's more misce-focused blog- not only do I find his opinions interesting and generally insightful when it comes to all matters misce, but I think Null will probably have more to say about the alpha part specifically. I'd also like to tag @beta-adjacent for similar reasons! Further down, I'm going to talk about my own personal perceptions of the dynamics, and my point if view as an omega only goes so far, ESPECIALLY when I've never really questioned the fact that I am an omega, even when OTHER people have (more on that way, way later.)

With those out of the way, my actual response will be posted under the cut just so I don't clog anyone's dashboard too much! Once again, prepare for rambling and a LOT of text. Sorry in advance (；´∀｀)

About Misce- Your Mental Image;

a.k.a. let's start with a little imagination. ...or lack of, maybe?

Firstly, I would ask you to evaluate what you think of when you think about each of the dynamics. While you're completely free to your personal interpretation as is everyone, I tend to think that if your mental images look something like "Alpha=dom, top, strong, masculine", and "Omega=sub, bottom, feminine, dainty and emotional" and "Beta=side character", you're not REALLY looking at misce dynamics, rather, you're more thinking of a highly stereotypical and (subconsciously) heteronormative version of omegaverse that is (often) used almost exclusively only for the sake of making mpreg possible in m/m fiction. And to be clear, yet again: Misce is NOT Omegaverse.

This specific way of interpreting alpha/omega/beta dynamics is literally just straight people gender norms repackaged to be forced onto gay/queer people, and is not in any way realistic to 99.99% of irl gay/queer relationships, nevermind people. A lot of misce folks are also some flavour of lgbtq+ anyway, and you can see why it could become an issue to impose heteronormative roles onto people who do not, by definition, fit said roles. Here's what I mean:

"Alphas are tall, big and strong and handsome dominant leader types who provide for the physically weak, dainty and small and traditionally attractive, emotional, submissive omegas. Omegas bear and raise the children, while alphas work and earn money. Omegas are at a social disadvantage because of their dynamic, and alphas often benefit from theirs, therefore it's not unusual to see omegas being exploited by alphas. And Betas are the 'other people' who don't fit these roles, I guess."

Now switch "alpha" to man, and "omega" to woman, and read it again. (And for an extra spicy take, switch "beta" to "lgbtq+ folk"... just saying.) See what I mean?

This is a common portrayal in a LOT of omegaverse fiction regardless of what biological sex/gender the characters are, and I'm SURE you've seen portrayals like this many, many times. In fiction, there's nothing wrong with interpretations or depictions like this! I know some people are unable to read works of fiction critically and think that using portrayals like these is somehow inherently bad, and sure, this specific market is definitely oversaturated as well- but the thing is that for many authors and creatives, applying these existing (male and female) roles and forms of discrimination onto imagined secondary genders such as alphas and omegas is a way to explore gender discrimination, homophobia, misogyny, social issues, etc in writing. But the crucial part is that this ONLY WORKS IN FICTION. Omegaverse is fiction, so it's fine. But Misce is not fiction. Misce is identities and people.

About Misce- Identity, NOT Tropes Or Roles;

a.k.a. let's not base real people identities on fictional stuff (or sexual preferences, for that matter).

You cannot apply those previously discussed concepts to real, living people's identities. This much is obvious. Cathegorizing real people into "alphas are the strong and big and dominant ones", "betas are the in-between ones", and "omegas are the dainty and small and submissive ones" doesn't work and should never be done to begin with.

You also cannot cathegorize people based on their sexual preferences- "Alpha" does not automatically mean they top or dom. "Omega" does not automatically mean "bottom" or "sub". Beta does not automatically mean vers/switch. Sexual preferences are separate from dynamics, and you should not assume anything based on someone's dynamic to begin with. While misce has its sexual aspects to many, it's almost never ONLY sexual. In my experience, if anything, it's a very small part of being misce to most people I know.

This is all to say- your sexual preferences do not and should not determine your dynamic in any way- so whatever you like in bed should not make you feel like you need to identify with some specific dynamic. You could be the most submissive bottom on earth and be an alpha and that would not be weird or "wrong" or "strange". I think just about any misce person could tell you this- anyone who understands that misce ISN'T "just an irl larp of omegaverse", at least.

This is a good opportunity for me to segway into the next part- misce is based on a LOT more than "just" the most stereotypical omegaverse roles. For a lot of people, being misce connects to other forms of non-human identity, whether that's being otherkin, therian, alterhuman, whatever. I'm not actually all that familiar with those things, as I've never bothered getting involved or familiar with said communities. I've never felt human either, but I struggle to figure out the specifics of it so I just don't bother- I'm content like this, and don't feel the need to label it or try to "pick a specific animal" or whatever. I'm happy being just... a being (lol) and that's enough for me.

About Misce- Deeply Nonhuman Humans;

a.k.a. there are two wolves inside of you...

...However, I recognize that with this part- me not really feeling like my misce self is connected to animal-type nonhumanity specifically, I am NOT in the majority.

I believe "miscecanis" and "miscelupus" were the first(?) terms that utilized the now-popularized term "misce" in them, and they specifically refer to canines (any, but often dogs) and wolves. Considering omegaverse itself is also based on that (proven to be unreliable/misinformed) study on wolf pack structures from ages ago, it makes sense that many misce folk would also identify with canine-adjacent creatures- I do too, I just dislike using those labels since that's nowhere near the most notable part of my own sense of non-human-ness. But I digress. A lot of misce folk, especially ones who identify with specific animals, have created their own labels to match the animals they identify most with- miscelapin, miscevulpes, miscefelis, etc. The catchall term for most misce folk, esp ones who feel that their "animal-identifying side" is strongly connected to being misce, tends to be misceanimalis.

Personally, I just say "misce" since a non-animal-attached term doesn't seem to exist at the moment and to me, being an omega isn't necessarily a non-human animal-identity thing at all- but that's just me and I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" way to personally interpret and "be" misce.

All that being said, generally, the misce community tends to lean towards a more instinct-based social model, pack dynamics and emotional/non-verbal etc communication. I think that much is pretty obvious anyway. So, naturally, the dynamics themselves are often interpreted through that lens- "what's the 'pack role' of any given dynamic?"

Generally, everyone has their own interpretation of this, and that's totally alright- misce looks a bit different for every individual, and definitions are fluid enough that the answer you get depends on who you ask. Speaking of which...

About Misce- Dynamics;

a.k.a. this is the part where podcast bros get so confused

So, while I'm going to now list a few generic concepts/roles/tropes/traits that TEND TO be associated with specific dynamics, just know that it's completely fine to interpret them differently and come up with your own stuff for your own identity. Misce stuff is generally kind of vague and definitions depend on the person you ask anyway- Should you ask someone else to explain what kind of traits they associate most with various dynamics, you might get a different answer- what, in my eyes, is a "commonly omega trait" might be a beta trait in someone else's mind, and so on.

These summaries are based on my own personal experiences combined with speculation, and include a lot of generalization in places- if you identify as any of these dynamics and feel that my description of said dynamic is "off" or not accurate to your lived misce experience, please know that I'm not at ALL saying your experience isn't valid, or that your identity as that dynamic is being questioned. As stated before- everyone defines things differently, and there is no right or wrong way to define or BE misce.

Also: I'm going to go through both positive and negative traits for each dynamic based on my personal observations of patterns I've noticed. I WILL include a "worst case scenario" thing about each dynamic, just to illustrate how sometimes traits may manifest as genuinely bad/abusive behaviours. Every dynamic is capable of being abusive and toxic, and there is no specific dynamic that is "more likely to be abusive" than the others.

☽ ALPHAS • [ α ] ☾

"Providers, protectors, guardians and defenders, responsible for the pack staying safe, well and the members having their needs met."

Often, alphas are seen as the more physical/tangible providers, "mirroring" the more emotional/psychological form of nurture provided by omegas (more on that later). This DOES NOT mean Alphas are always "the breadwinners"- it takes many forms. That COULD be working to provide a stable income and housing, sure, but it's equally as possible for an alpha to prefer being a homemaker- making food for the pack, cleaning and organizing, etc can be just as much a form of "providing" as working for an income could be. The distinction here is that where omegas commonly tend to show their care in a more emotional and intangible way, Alphas are (often, not always) the ones who will buy their friends little trinkets and souvenirs that remind the alpha of them, cook up meals to provide and ensure the physical wellbeing of their closest ones, offer to help with menial tasks and so on. It's all about trying to ensure the people closest to them are well, and doing what they can to keep it that way.

Alphas often get a reputation for being protective over their loved ones, and while in fiction, esp omegaverse manhwa/manga/webtoons/etc this tends to get portrayed as "possessive toxic masculinity" type tropes (looking at you, 'Terminus', 'Kiss me, liar' and 'Night by the sea'...) this also has many forms, and isn't at all limited to Alphas only.

Alphas DO tend to feel very responsible/protective over their friends and/or pack though, more than other dynamics do- a sort of "hurt me, I don't care, but hurt my friends, you're dead" type attitude is quite common to alphas in my experience, at least as an omega observer. From what I can tell, Alphas derive a lot of pride and satisfaction from being able to support and lift up those closest to them, and while generally Alphas aren't fond of conflict any more than any other dynamic, they usually WILL go to bat for their friends/pack, argue to ensure their friends are taken seriously, stand up for them, and so on. From what I've seen, at times, it's the Alpha that feels more upset over someone being nasty to said alpha's friend, than the friend is themselves.

Alphas are generally seen as the ones who take care of the physical needs and safety of the pack- "safety" makes it sound like they're out there fighting wild beasts and evil spirits or something, which isn't really the case when you think "modern world", but the point is they often strive to ensure that everyone they love feels safe and comfortable around them, and that sources of stress/anxiety/worry are removed. This could take the form of helping a friend pay their rent when a friend is broke and the Alpha is able to pitch in, or it could be helping someone fill out job applications if they're finding it overwhelming to do alone, or helping a depressed friend clean and cook so that they're less stressed out and are able to recover without the additional stress of having to plan and think about food and nutrition. It could be giving massages to help someone relax, or it could be letting a friend come over just to sleep at their place when the friend is struggling to feel safe on their own.

Basically- some personality traits I've noticed many of my alpha- and alpha-coded friends tend to have, would be that they're generally very caring people who tend to put those most important to them first before themselves. Often Alphas will step in to shield others from injustice and/or perceived threats without hesitation- be that unfair treatment or a stranger being a little too friendly at the club. Alphas may or may not talk about their problems openly, but the ones who do tend to only talk about the problems and how to solve or overcome them, NOT how it has made them feel and if they're feeling alright, but when/if they DO talk about their feelings more honestly, it's basically always a huge sign of trust and closeness. A majority of my alpha friends tend to be either gift-givers who love showing appreciation in the form of presents or homemade food, OR they're silent providers, whose doors are always open (within reason) and will always be there to provide a place for their friends to crash at when said friends just need a break somewhere safe and comfortable. Often, they're both. (Shoutout to my closest irl friend who is very alpha-coded and keeps telling me I can just go to his place to sleep if I want to get away from either family or loneliness at home in a diff city lmao. I always feel like far too much of a burden so I never have, but I genuinely appreciate the offers so much)

Alphas, at least based on my humble observations, have some fairly commonly shared negative traits as well, such as being the type to run themselves to the ground to ensure others are well (especially emotionally- it's a stereotype that Alphas are bad at expressing emotion, but it's somewhat true that often Alphas will try to avoid their own struggles and emotions by constantly rushing to care and provide for others instead of sitting down to feel their emotions lmao). Alphas tend to overwork themselves for the sake of others, and overall share a "neglect self for the sake of others" thing that omegas also have, just. Different flavour.

Some alphas do also tend to have a bit of an ego at times, especially pertaining to things they excel at, and can indeed get jealous of their friends/pack-mates/partners/etc. Occasionally, this manifests as a form of entitlement, often based on the alpha feeling like they've sacrificed so much for the person that they feel like they "deserve something in return". In most cases, it's nothing outrageous- just time, effort, and acknowledgement of all the effort, though I find that sometimes alphas tend to expect others to be able to "read the Alpha's mind" and just figure out what the Alpha needs without ever communicating it out loud (this could be due to a fear of being too "demanding" or too "overbearing" which many Alphas I've known have struggled with, likely specifically because that's often how Alphas get stereotyped, leading to most Alphas trying hard to show they are NOT like the stereotype. I can imagine it's a struggle!).

At times, Alphas may be prone to being sort of control-freaks about certain things. This usually isn't an issue for most, but it sometimes shows through in their personalities as being frustrated if things aren't done "the way they like, when they like". There's various reasons- for some, it's because they're used to doing things one way and feel that it is the best way, for others, it's a feeling of "knowing best", and for some, it's a sense of wanting to have control over how things are done or hoe they happen, because not having that control causes anxiety.

On the darker side of things, some alphas may become genuinely possessive over people, often subconsciously feeling like they're entitled to and feel that they have "claimed" a person, and feel that they should be able to decide things for said person/people. When this happens, it's usually also coupled with some degree of idolization/objectification of whoever is the subject of these feelings, and the alpha may get excessively upset if the actual person doesn't completely match the "mental idealized version" in their head- this could happen for a number of reasons from something as simple as the person deciding to change something about their appearance, to having a personality that doesn't "match" the one the Alpha had "imagined". This can lead to issues with some Alphas being controlling and/or obsessive over everything, and may escalate to worse abuse based on a desire to "control" or "own". This kind of a thing is NOT exclusive to Alphas, anyone can be shitty, but this specific form of it is slightly more common with alphas specifically, over other forms of shitty/abusive patterns.

☽ OMEGAS • [ Ω ] ☾

"Emotional providers and nurturers, often take the role of maternal figures whether symbolically or literally. Caring and loving and very in tune with the emotional needs of those closest to them."

Omegas are often portrayed as more sensitive to pheromones than other dynamics, a.k.a. better at "reading people" and responding to the needs of others before they may even be consciously aware of said needs. Of course, IRL pheromones aren't a thing, but omegas are still very in-tune with the emotional states of others and as such, often, omegas can sense a conflict brewing even before it takes place, and prefer to avoid that if possible- they'd prefer to figure out what the cause of upset is, and address the feelings BEFORE they escalate. While the emotional hyper-awareness is useful in many situations, at times it instead results in excessive overthinking and stressing out over very mundane interactions.

The pack roles omegas are most often portrayed as having are usually things that concern the emotional wellbeing and social harmony of the pack, ensuring that its members are feeling cared for, seen&heard and understood, as well as being the "caretakers" for children/young members in the pack. Omegas are often great listeners, and will do so for hours. They're good at validating and echoing the feelings of others, and many omegas actually derive satisfaction from knowing they were able to help someone feel better- even when there wasn't anything to feel BAD about- just being able to offer emotional validation, comfort, or improve someone's mood tends to make omegas feel happy. In general, many Omegas are able to empathize very deeply, and tend to be good at "seeing things from the perspective of others".

Omegas are often portrayed as especially fond of children and having strong maternal instincts towards kids, both those of others, as well as their own. Stereotypically, omegas are portrayed as wanting children of their own (or, as some like to call them, pups), but this isn't really a "every omega ever" thing. This type of maternal instinct can present in MANY ways, and doesn't always even require children in the equation. Being a "chronically 'mom-friend' type person" can be one manifestation of that, for example, while in other cases, Omegas thrive in older sibling/uncle/etc roles, rather than parental ones.

Omegas are often portrayed as highly emotional/emotion-driven themselves, with a highly developed sense of empathy and compassion. This sometimes manifests as overthinking, anxiety, social exhaustion, hyper-empathy, being easily swayed by the reactions and/or feelings of others, a tendency to seek emotional approval and a likelihood to choose people-pleasing over their own wants and needs. While Alphas are more likely to neglect their emotional well-being, Omegas are somewhat an opposite, and tend to neglect taking proper physical care of themselves in favour of "being there" for someone else. Similarly, while Alphas tend to bottle up or brick-wall their emotions and instead keep physically busy, Omegas tend to retreat and isolate and neglect their bodies when feeling bad.

On the more dark side- which I feel is SO important to talk about as I rarely see people bring this up- Omegas, thanks to their high level of emotional intelligence, are also often very skilled at subtle but devastating emotional manipulation and even abuse. Omegas are great at playing the victim to gain sympathy or pity when it suits them, and are great at appealing to the emotions and feelings of other people to sway them- essentially, omegas tend to make for good liars and manipulators. Omegas are far more likely to utilize manipulation tactics, emotional abuse, self-victimization and mind games, than other dynamics- that isn't to say that alphas or betas are incapable of it, or that this is the ONLY way Omegas may be abusive, nor am I saying that every omega is abusive, obviously- but it's good to keep in mind, especially given the fact that certain medias love to portray omegas as "innocent pure uwu cinnamon rolls who can never do any harm".

☽ BETAS • [β] ☾

Let's be real for a moment and skip the quotation mark description I did for both Alphas and Omegas. There is a reason why I left Betas last, but it's not why you might think.

Both due to the fact that in SO MUCH of omegaverse fiction, Betas are simply nothing but an afterthought in a story about an a/o couple, as well as the fact that people have different ideas of things, a "widely accepted common portrayal of what a Beta is like" doesn't really exist. I feel that it's especially important to acknowledge this specifically because this means that people have VERY different headcanons for betas, both in terms of omegaverse, as well as in terms of what it means to be a beta. It WILL look a little different for every individual beta, likely far more so than it does for the other dynamics. The way I see it, there's both good and bad parts about this- the identity of a beta is less "restricted by" or "bound to" any specific traits or aspects, BUT at the same time, a lot of people may struggle with this as well, potentially feeling like they may not "fit in" or that their personal identity as a beta isn't "enough" or is "too strange". The misce community grows over time, mostly because people who were into omegaverse in fiction come across it and go, "wait, I can just be (dynamic)? Cool!" Which often leads to fundamental misunderstandings, and is an entirely different topic to begin with.

Anyway, what I am getting at is that the more "old school" misce blogs and folk, from what I TEND TO SEE, are far more open to all kinds of beta headcanons and interpretations, while the "new blood" coming in (which, hey, my blog isn't that old either, so)- tends to be people who see betas as "the normal people", basically equivalent to not even having a dynamic at all. So let's start there- let's lose that idea right away. Betas are NOT "no dynamic" or "neutral dynamic". Betas are Betas- and people who are NOT misce, and have NO dynamic identity, are the neutral/no-dynamic ones. Those people are not betas by default.

So, what ARE betas?

Short answer? You tell me.

Longer answer? It's largely up to individual interpretation.

Longest answer? ...

The way I have always seen this is that there are various interpretations of a "beta" and none of them are inherently wrong or right. If you're misce and you identify as a beta in the way they are most commonly depicted as being "the normal people of omegaverse", not having cycles (aside from menstrual ones for afab betas), not having specific traits/skills/etc, and just "being normal (in comparison to alphas and omegas)" then that's entirely valid and just as good as any other interpretation. What matter most is that YOU are happy, feel represented, and have a label you like.

However, if you identify differently as a beta- perhaps you DO have a cycle, whether that is a rut or a heat or a mixture of both, either or, or something completely different- that's also just as good- as long as you feel like yourself. (I didn't spend time talking about ruts and heats in the sections for alphas and omegas, since it's quite straightforward, but I may make a post on that at some point.) For now though- I DO actually believe I can think of at least some commonly shared beta-traits, similar to how I did for the previous sections. They may not apply to every interpretation of misce betas, but that's a given.

So, what traits are common to Betas, then?

In my experience, I find that many of my beta-coded or beta friends, they all share a certain energy that's hard for me to explain. Betas, in my eyes, seem very lively- not necessarily that they are "more energetic" or "happier" or anything, it's more like, they seem to be very "alive" in some strange way I cannot quite describe, but it makes me feel good by proxy. The way I see it, Betas, regardless of how introverted they are in terms of personality, are almost always incredibly easy to talk to, have really comforting presences, and overall make any friend group feel "complete" and "balanced".

This is actually something I noticed very strongly at Pride yesterday! A bunch of my friends are Betas, a good few are Alpha, and a couple are other Omegas (at least, in terms of how I tend to see them), and without fail, Betas always feel like the glue that makes the group feel complete. In MANY cases, they're the bridge between myself and people I've never even met, and their presence lifts everyone's spirits. Betas make groups feel like teams instead of a handful of individuals sharing a space.

Not only that- they're INSANELY resourceful and prepared. As soon as I mentioned my shoes were starting to chafe, two band-aids were IMMEDIATELY handed to me by one of my very beta-coded friends. If anyone is going to survive the apocalypse, I'm betting on the betas in a heartbeat. They're prepared, they know how to keep themselves AND their friends alive, they're good at organizing stuff and delegating tasks to the most appropriate people. Whoever thinks Alphas are at the top and rule the world are WRONG. It's Betas. It's always Betas. If they stopped existing, the world would grind to a halt in less than 12 hours, I'm calling it now. Betas get shit done and make it work, and not only that, they can gigure out what your strengths are, and can figure out which tasks you'd be best at. I'm 100% certain that almost every competent manager, strategist, advisor, expert, scout, spy, organizer, consultant, etc. Is always a Beta. If you want solid advice and good insights with anything practical, ask a Beta. They will either know the answer, or will point you to someone else who does.

From what I've observed, Betas are clever, resourceful, creative and innovative, good at planning ahead AND coming up with ideas on the fly. In terms of pack roles, it fully makes sense to me to view Betas as the leaders and practical thinkers who ensure things work. While Alphas may be the kind to defend the pack from external threats, the Betas are the ones who will help you avoid the threats in the first place. Omegas may be good at predicting and avoiding conflict and resolving feelings that may lead to internal disagreements, but Betas are the ones who will SOLVE conflicts, come up with compromises, and ensure nobody is treated unfairly.

And honestly, this is why I hope misce betas chime in! Please describe your experiences as Betas and of being a beta in misce communities, what it means to you and who you are, etc. In the notes? As I said many times- my observations only go so far.

About Misce- Personal Experience;

a.k.a. this is the part where I ramble even more.

So, I've talked about various stuff, and this is the second-to-last part. In the last part, I will try to provide my personal advice and takes, so skip there if my personal life experiences do not interest you at all. This part is just something I wanted to include, because while I've never personally really questioned my dynamic identity, I want to talk about things that COULD have made me question it, and why.

Omega.

I've always identified as one so strongly that I confidently named my blog "omegapheromone" and refer to myself online as "Gamie", a play on the word "Omega" itself, just rearranged and one letter off. I identified as an omega before I knew what misce was.

But, the people around me haven't been so confident about it.

I don't know if I'll have deleted that post by the time this one is finally done, or by the time you're reading this, whether that's the same day or a year or more from this post's date of posting- but I very recently shared a selfie, a face reveal of sorts. If it's deleted, let me describe myself in it: an androgynous/boyish person with pastel-coloured hair and clothes.

From that selfie, you wouldn't think it, especially with the angle and such- but I'm actually quite tall (167cm/5'5", almost 5'6" or so). Tall, and I have strangely broad shoulders and back for an AFAB person. I'm actually taller and often more "broad" than many of my friends, and in the past, when hanging out with friends, I've heard the "so are you the 'man' in the relationship" type comments when people have mistaken me and any of my friends for a couple. This is how people, even other queer people, tend to view me for some reason. It doesn't bother me TOO much these days, but it used to, and I still find myself wishing I was smaller, shorter, more "dainty" so that people would immediately think "oh, an omega", instead of assuming I'm an "alpha" (or in the case of real world, assuming I'm the assertive and sexually dominant type). I'd like it if people looked at me and, instead of feeling like I'm the type to care for and protect them, saw me as something they want to take care of and protect. It sounds incredibly cliché, but after living 20+ years with this being my experience (being seen as the type that protects ans dotes on others and whatnot), it's just something that's stuck with me. All my exes have approached me with the assumption that I was a dominant type, often also flat out thinking I was a cis dude (somehow, though I guess in the past my sense of fashion wasn't as "cutesy", and instead was more edgy). They weren't turned off by the fact that I flat out had to tell them, no, I'm very much a bottom and you cannot make me top for the life of me, trust me, it WILL NOT be good for either of us. I'd say "lucky me" but the most notable case turned out to be abusive and controlling, so I can't really say that, either. Of course, as I said above, sexual preferences have NOTHING to do with one's dynamic, for me it just happens to coincide that I'm an omega, a bottom, AND for some reason, have a very assertive/dominant aura despite not being either of those things, and as a result, to me, it feels like people are constantly just mistaking me for the "generic portrayal of an alpha".

As much as I complain about feeling dejected that I doubt I'll ever REALLY have the experience where "oh I want to dote on and protect him" is the other person's very first impression/thought, I've made peace with it. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter so much- there's someone for everyone, or however the saying goes.

Still, it's interesting. For as long as I can remember, people have described me with words like "intimidating", saying that they've been afraid to approach because I look like I'm somehow either "too cool" for them, or "wouldn't want to talk" or whatever. Maybe I've built walls that are just too high after getting bullied as a child, or maybe my general detachment and aloofness have made me come across as cold and unwilling to make friends. It's not true though- I do genuinely enjoy meeting people and making friends. To an extent I'm aloof, and at times I will just disappear for a while before acting like no time passed at all, but that's not me trying to be distant on purpose at all.

Anyway, all of that is to say, I've never doubted my omega-ness. I've identified as one since I was a teen and read my first omegaverse fanfics. It's just something I've known. Sometimes I've wondered if I should TRY to force myself to be more of a top and pretend to be an Alpha, but the idea is just uncomfortable. I'd just be lying, both to myself and any potential partner having to experience it- and I don't like how lying to myself feels at all. It's like playing a character I hate, a mockery or parody of who I actually am, and it just makes me feel bad. I refuse to define myself based on the assumptions OTHER PEOPLE make about me, based on my height, build, "vibe" or anything else. If they make an assumption and are wrong about it, that's on THEM for making an assumption. I'm not going to cut my legs off just to be shorter, and I'm not going to strave myself (again) just to seem "dainty and fragile and weak and in need of protection" either. Fuck that, I have internal organ damage from that already, so no thanks, I'm not going to make that worse.

The Advice

the part where I actually answer the question asked.

Alright, so the question bears repeating since I've rambled so long it literally took an entire day to write this post;

Do I have any advice? Some. Most of it I've touched on already. Sit down with yourself openly and honestly, and question what your concepts are based on. Are you forcing yourself to fit a fictional stereotype thar was never meant to suit real life people to begin with, or do you ACTUALLY identify with something? Sit down with what your idea of misce as a whole is, and question what it means to you, what your place in it is, and take time to get familiar with various portrayals of all different kinds of dynamics, not just the most stereotypical ones. Domestic soft homemaker alphas, CEO boss dom omegas, betas who AREN'T just "normal guy in a world of alphas and omegas". Also even if you find a list of "traits that (dynamic xyz) has always!!!!", take your time to look at it. Are there alternative ways to interpret it? Can some traits show up differently? Does "protective" always mean "possessive"? Could it not mean "caring, concerned of their friends' wellbeing, the type to stay up until 4am to ensure a friend gets home safe and texts them, and if they don't, will physically drive over to check on them"? You get the idea.

"Because I'm a smaller person and more submissive?" - I already talked a Lot about this, but why are these things "inherently omega" traits in your mind, anon? Try saying this out loud: "Every omega is a small person, and every omega is always submissive, no matter what." If it feels uncomfortable to state that confidently as fact, then you likely never believed that yourself to begin with, but rather were telling yourself that you "have to be a certain way because you do not fit the stereotype of the OTHER things". You don't have to fit a mold. The molds are based on fiction anyway- you're you. What matters is how YOU feel, what YOU feel most comfortable with, and what label YOU vibe with the most. You don't have to force the identity of an omega onto yourself if you feel more like an alpha, just because you happen to be "smaller and more submissive". Yet again, sexual preferences don't dictate your dynamic at all either. If you feel more like an alpha, then that's all you need. There's no height requirement, this isn't an amusement park ride. There's no minimum muscle mass requirement, this is not a bodybuilder competition. There's no requirement to be dominant or a top or anything at all- that's not even what misce is about. You are you, and what you vibe with is the most important. If that means being a small and more submissive alpha, then congrats on presenting as an alpha!!! You are loved and accepted here!!! 💕

Love you, anon, I hope this helps even a little, and I hope you find what YOU are most comfortable with!

#gamietxt #answered asks #im so sorry anon I literally spent 12 hours slowly writing out my thoughts and had to start over at least twice bc tumblr ate my draft

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uneducated-author · 2 years ago

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Hi! Your recent post about gods existing in BSD caught my attention and I felt sending this as an ask would work best for conciseness. In response to your tags, Arahabaki is actually just a singularity and not a god. [https://www.tumblr.com/originalaccountname/711614312754692096/sorry-to-bother-you-but-ive-been-getting-into-bsd?source=share] [https://www.tumblr.com/originalartblog/713410888979316736?source=share]

Also, as for other gods, I'm of the belief that Lovecraft is a god (y'know like eldritch gods) that's just able to take a human form. This is supported in that Dazai's ability doesn't nullify Lovecraft's because it isn't an ability, it's just him. This is also further supported by another theory but since there's the possibility it doesn't turn out to be the case, I won't mention it— but I will say that there is another person with god-like origins that Dazai has made contact with that his ability didn't nullify.

Lastly, there is Atsushi whose ability may be Baiho (or at least similar), the White Tiger God in Chinese mythology (called Byakko in Japan). The White Tiger that is Atsushi's ability has been repeatedly shown to be of its own sapience which is notably different from abilities like Kyouka's Demon Snow and more along the lines of Twain's Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn. (Like the times he talks to and reconciles with the Tiger)

With the movie Dead Apple, Atsushi's ability is shown to be very special and there was also the major plot point of what occurs during season two where it was explicitly stated that Atsushi's ability specifically was the key to finding the book. Heck, him being hunted by the Port Mafia in season one was because of the Guild trying to get their hands on him.

To add, his ability working phenomenally in tandem with Akutagawa's is a potential allusion to Byakko's mythology. I'll be quoting it's wikipedia for this. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Tiger_(mythology)

“As with the other three Symbols, there are seven astrological "Mansions" (positions of the Moon) within the White Tiger.” Beast Beneath the Moonlight

“In Chinese art, the white tiger often appears with the dragon. The white tiger symbolizes power and army.” Akutagawa is that dragon, which is obvious in the meaning behind his surname Ryuunosuke. The first character in his name 龍 (ryuu) means dragon because the real life author was born in the year of the dragon during the month of the dragon and the hour he was believed to be born was the hour of the dragon. His name, Ryuunosuke, literally translates to "son of the dragon". [http://yabai.com/p/4517] Whether Atsushi is like, Byakko incarnate or it's just his ability or something else, or even he straight up isn't actually a god— we don't have anything that confirms or denies it yet. Also I am sorry for rambling in your ask box, the topic of gods in BSD is something I'm rather passionate about.

First of all, this is sp incredibly interesting and I am fascinating at how my semi serious post has now given way to an actual craving for Lore (I'm trying to hunt down an edition of 15).

The whole Lovecraft thing definitely confused me and doubly so because I definitely thought (hoped) that since he's immune to Dazai he would play a larger role in the plot. I am curious though, as to whether Dazai coming into contact with Lovecraft would have any impact on his physical abilities, like limiting his speed or agility. (I suppose I am thinking a little of BNHA here. Eraserhead can't erase mutant quirks, but presumably could erase like, effects of a mutant quirk e.g: spitting acid or so) But he spends most of the fight bragging about Chuuya to Steinbeck so we don't really get to see how the two abilities would interact. It's interesting especially because Dazai CAN nullify Chuuya in corruption and Atsushi in his fully tiger state (which is a physical transformation) but has ZERO affect on Lovecraft's tentacle form.

(I'm desperately trying to think of the 'god like origin' character because I can't think of other BSD characters that Dazai's ability didn't affect... is it like Sigma or something, because he was created from the book?)

I was aware of Atsushi as Byakko, though I genuinely interpreted the 'consciousness' of the ability as moreso Atsushi's introspection, a visual way to show his personal healing and acceptance, though it's really interesting to know I was wrong! When I have time I'll have to rewatch those scenes with a fresh perspective. I was super into the Shinto belief as a kid, and it was actually how my friend persuaded me to get into BSD, and I'm loving the series so far. However, I'm honestly more familiar with the Qinglong and Baihu as the dragon of the East and tiger of the West.

(I had a very funny moment watching Dead Apple where I was insistent to my friend that 'Atsushi will definitely have to match off against the dragon, there's a lot of mythological basis' only to be proven completely wrong, though with the amazing Chuuya fight scene I couldn't be disappointed)

But I had completely missed the connection between Akutagawa and the dragon! That definitely adds a really interesting level to the dynamic between the two as members opposing forces with the matched goal.

Thank you so so so much for explaining this all in such an interesting way, it really made my day! I super appreciated it!

#bungou stray dogs #bsd akutagawa #bsd atsushi #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd lovecraft

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artificialcaretaker · 2 years ago

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So I’m aware of the fact that it’s dickish to talk about why you DON’T like something under its own tag but I don’t really know how to say anything WITHOUT tagging so just as a fair warning here I’m gonna be talkin about my personal opinions on the HS Epilogues/HS2 under the cut and they’re like. Not entirely positive??

I have nothing against you if you enjoyed them, just wanna get that out of the way!! I think it’s great that you found somethin that makes you happy personally!! I’m not expecting anyone to renounce their love for some silly little comic because I personally don’t like it. Do whatever you want forever and all that!!

I also know this is a dead topic like advanced decay topic but I’m bored and I’m not sleepy and I wanna ramble. This isn’t coherent.

Ok I’m just gonna stop now.

Hi!! You’re still here!! Nice, lovely, glad to have you, etc. etc.

So here’s the thing,

I’ve seen many people say this and, if I’m remembering correctly, I’ve been told a couple times as well that like, the Epilogues and the like aren’t serious, y’know??

Like, they’re not supposed to be taken seriously. It’s advanced stages of irony only 1% of viewers can solve this riddle type stuff.

Therefore, there’s a very good chance that I sorta just. Don’t get it??

Or it’s just a different type of humor then what I personally enjoy, which, again, is perfectly fine!!

Thinking about it though, I think what makes it, like, uncomfortable to a lot of people is the fact that it’s, like.

It’s not the irony that Homestuck proper was built off of, y’know??

Again, could be reading it wrong, but to me Homestuck very much has parody elements, but it’s also very affectionate about it.

It’s like, “Hey, you don’t know your online friends irl, wouldn’t it be fuckin bonkers if they were aliens or from an apocalyptic future cuz that’s technically possible” and that’s a parody type thing, y’know??

But it’s also very clear that the friendships displayed are very genuine. Like, they literally carry the bulk of all relationships in the comic.

And it’s like, yea, when you think about it this concept in online culture is really goofy, but it’s still important!!

And that’s a pretty obvious example, but there are a lot of other parody elements in Homestuck like that.

And maybe I’m a pansy but, like. That was nice, y’know??

And I feel like the Epilogues and such were also trying to go for something like that.

Like, I don’t blame people who see any of the contents and think it’s serious, because it DOES get into some seriously heavy shit, but looking at some stuff for a while makes it, like, glaringly obvious that it was a big joke about fanfiction.

I mean the intro page is literally a mock up of the AO3 tagging system like I don’t blame people for not looking into things but it was right there, y’know??

And I mean, cool!! As someone who enjoys and writes fanfiction, I can confirm that it’s really dumb when you think about it!! It’s weird and silly and sometimes you find yourself asking “Dude why the FUCK am I doing this?!”

But unlike Homestuck proper, I feel like they sorta just. End it at that.

From the way I see it, the joke sorta ends at “Hey guys, isn’t fanfiction weird?”

But they sorta just. Kept doing that. And it was just every single punchline.

And to me that fell kinda flat, y’know??

It also just sorta feels mean after a while cuz it’s literally just “Fanfiction is weird” and no further elaboration.

I mean we KNOW, y’know??

It also almost feels a little self deprecating considering that after a while Hussie wasn’t really working on the Epilogues all that much which essentially meant the writing was technically done BY fanfiction authors.

Poking fun at yourself and your weird hobbies can be fun!! It can elicit some good laughs, especially if your audience is people with similar experiences to you!!

I feel like it’s something that has to be done in moderation, though.

And I see what the Epilogues and the like were going for, and I’m not one to say that anyone’s sense of humor is inherently wrong because comedy is subjective.

But as stated, in moderation.

To me it kinda just got old really fast and there wasn’t really any other joke besides that one.

So while I certainly understand that having disturbing and uncomfortable topics isn’t what automatically makes something bad to some people, I DO think that overuse of a punchline is a very common and very valid reason to not enjoy something.

And again, I’m not mad at you or anything if you DO like the Epilogues/HS2 or if you DO find them funny.

I just, like. Don’t.

And I feel like a lot of other people just sorta don’t find them funny and that’s their main gripe with them.

But then they don’t REALIZE that they don’t find them funny and so they scramble to find another way to explain why they don’t enjoy them and while that’s perfectly understandable it leads to an environment where complete dickheads can squeeze their way in and be complete dickheads to creators to the point where it’s NOT being a dickhead and it’s just straight up harassment and that’s how HS2 got to the situation it’s in today and that is NOT FUN!!

But yea no in conclusion I don’t find the Epilogues/HS2 funny, I find it very likely that most other people who don’t enjoy them just don’t find it funny, I’m not mad or trying to change your mind if you DO find them funny because comedy is subjective, just don’t be a fucking dickhead and that’s not even targeted at anyone just don’t be a dickhead.

Anyways I gotta go tuck Ruby Longstocking in it’s past their bedtime and we’re going to the water park tomorrow for a family fun day.

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #homestuck 2 #homestuck^2 #homestuck critical #homestuck epilogues critical #homestuck 2 critical #homestuck^2 critical #is that how people tag this kinda stuff #I’ve been on here for like 4 years and I still don’t know lmao #rant #fandom wank #that’s also what people call this stuff right #STILL don’t know this is tragic #I need to go to bed #and I should’ve done that a while ago #I just really like hearing myself talk #it’s one of my favorite activities actually I try to get all my buddies to participate

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paranormal-investigator-freak · 2 months ago

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Welcome to my blog

[OOC info]

Hello! welcome to the blog, some general info before you scroll

-PLEASE keep anons 13+ or PG, while its possible Taylor may cover more darker aspects of supernatural fantasy, please do not reference or describe graphic violence, gore or any NSFW topics!

-Stated in the bio but i'll say it again, PEOPLE AND PLACES ARE FICTIONAL!! goose-lake provincial park doesn't exist (to my knowledge?) and neither does Alchester! I made them up! do not go looking for these places. This is fiction, not an actual conspiracy. sorry conspiracy fans, im a fraud.

-Taylor is Ace!!! please do not flirt with them (please?), i method act mentally when I write as Taylor, Yes they ramble, yes they act certain ways and have speech quirks, please treat Taylor Lane as kindly as you would treat a real person, and by proxy! the tumblr behind their creation

-Some monster lore may be different than more common interpretations, i simply choose it this way. there is no real source of info for this blog, only inspo. (try and fact check me now science side of tumblr!)

-All of Taylors post will be tagged with #unreality , while i understand unreality is more for stuff that may psychologically bother some people, I HIGHLY advise against reading further in Taylors blog despite being fantasy, as they will talk about many instances of supernatural being or events made to deceive (shapeshifters, demons) and how to not fall 'prone'

-and finally, since its a big issue in the supernatural horror genre fans, please do not ask nor make reference to any north american or other indigenous myths, such as a certain mischaracterised deer creature, whistling at night and others. I am not well versed on these various myths, and personally i'd rather not spread more mischaracterization on them, especially since it typically goes against the culture to mention these creatures by name. thanks for understanding.

Good day, Happy hunting!

Creator

#rp blog #rp ask blog

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definitelymyselfreallyiswear · 1 year ago

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Alright. I want to post something. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe there's something appealing about getting these words from my head out into the world. There are a lot of things in my mind today. Well, there always are. So this post will likely be a jumble, jumping from topic to topic. What can I say? I have an ADHD diagnosis. That's probably relevant at this stage. I suppose the most forthright comment pinging around in there is the consideration to increase my antidepressant medication dose. Surprise surprise, the person rambling into Tumblr with no tags or followers is in a depression spiral. Original, isn't it? Ever a trailblazer. And at that, it has happened again. The thing that keeps derailing my thought patterns and ambushing my endeavours. The thing that grips me around the waist and wrenches me into another universe. Well - another time, anyway. Trauma. That fucking poster. If it can be called a poster. It was a photograph, with a caption, inside a frame. I suppose it was a photo print. Whatever. An image of a man walking alone towards the peak of a sand dune, footsteps visible in the sand behind him, his back to the frame. Orange was the overwhelming winner for feature colour in that piece, exceeding even the paper upon which it was printed - the frame was a ghastly shade of orange which attempted to draw the eye away from the piece and instead to its surroundings; and what a relief that would have been. Below the image, the caption, "Always set the trail. Never follow the path." That is burned into my mind. Whoever thinks that artwork in homes has no impact has clearly not lived through the ages of No Internet. I stared at that piece in every possible configuration. I stared at it while lying on the floor, feeling the harsh red fibres of the rug against my skin and the small stones of dirt in my hair. I needed to vacuum. My abdomen was exposed in this position. But at least my back was not turned, this time around. I stared at it while hanging upside down from the seat of the couch, my heels over the backrest and my head centimetres from the floor. My brother wouldn't stop giggling, which meant that we could be found at any moment and punished for waking the sleeping dragon. I stared at it from the dinner table while robotically chewing spaghetti, cheddar cheese and as little mince meat sauce as I could get away with without a punishment. There was yelling of course, but that was a given. Everything I did elicited yelling. Also, everything I didn't do. And everything in general. I stared at it from the hallway, while stalling my entrance to the living space. The longer I could stay out of arm's reach of the prime couch seat, the better. If pretending to be disproportionately engaged in the piece would allow me to spend a further few minutes with calm, cool skin and a lack of red, smarting handprints, then sign me up. Yes, I would love to know more about this photo. Where is it from? Where is the footpath that he abandoned? I stared at it sideways, from a makeshift pillow while home alone, sick with the flu. I couldn't stand without shaking, this time around. I had sick in my hair, but I couldn't get in the bath without my teeth chattering so hard that it hurt my face. It wasn't until 20 years later that I learned that was not the flu. I still don't know what it was. I stared at it from beneath, standing as close as I dared to the gas heater beneath the mantle. Or the ‘mantle piece,’ as we called it then. From here, especially as I grew taller, I could make out the fine lines of detail in the sand dunes; the way the folds gave way to the influence of the wind.

From this short distance, I studied the man in the centre, wondering if it was in fact the dragon as a young man – an adventurer, somebody of great conviction and ambition.

Slyly, slowly, with small, inconspicuous movements, I raised my hands to the 'mantle piece.' I gripped the ledge and stretched my elbows upwards - just enough that they were not in view of the television, but that I was able to slouch down and place my head beneath the level of my right elbow and peer through the gap. A way to glance, quickly, briefly, at the dragon, without notice or consequence. I promptly straightened, having confirmed my suspicions. No, the dragon was not the adventurer in a past life. It was not the same man. The man in the picture was another ideal; a deity to strive towards but never reach. And the dragon was not holy.

Today, the flashbacks are winning. They are relentless, after all. And my opportunity for reprieve was removed. I suppose I chose to spread this joy instead. Enjoy, ether.

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themaladaptivewriter12 · 2 years ago

Text

Hey! Hi! Hello! I’m the MaladaptiveWriter12 and welcome to my Dreamscape! I’m Sleepy and this is my new and improved blog! You can also find me in another dream, my Ao3: TheMaladaptiveWriter12! ( ´ ω ` )ノﾞ

For starters, this dreamscape is 18+! Please be respectful of this! If you are under the age, and or uncomfortable with this, do not interact. On the same note, a lot of this blog’s happenings will be SFW, but I will be posting quite a bit of NSFW works and such. I will add tags and warnings on those posts to make viewing easier, just in case there are some topics anyone would like to avoid.

Now to go over some rules! Some of these rules are subject to change, but I’ll go over that later. As for now, here are some of my blog rules.

I allow constructive criticism, but I will not accept hate!

I’m all ears if you have any input on my works, weather it be my writing style, something you’d like to see, etc. And you don’t have to like my work, and you don’t have to tell me if and or that you don't like it, that's okay. But if I’ve gotten something wrong, or if you’ve found something I’ve written to be offending, please tell me. Of course, I’m not purposely trying to offend anyone, and I’ll try to avoid that, but we all are human, and we make mistakes. That being said, I will not tolerate deliberate hate towards me, my work, other commenters, fans, followers, etc. You get the picture. If I find it, you will be removed. ＼＼٩(๑`^´๑)۶／／

And another rule, do not take my work and claim it as your own, and or repost it on a different platform!

I know I shouldn’t have to say this, but I think we all know how people are nowadays when it comes to art. Do not repost my work! As a writer, I’ve spent too long and too hard on my works for someone to take claim and all credit for something they didn’t do. As I wrote above, I’m cross posting my works on Ao3, under the same username, TheMaladaptiveWriter12, so if you see my works being reposted on any platform other than these two, and or under a different name, please notify me as soon as possible. (*_ _)人

On the topic of reposting, reblogs are allowed!

Tumblr reblogging is much appreciated unless said otherwise! It helps me out, but all I ask is if you would use my custom tag, #TheMaladaptiveWriter12 when you do so. (´꒳`)♡

Welcome to Rem, the phase of sleep where most dreams occur!

Twisted Wonderland Dreamscapes

Twisted Wonderland OC (Mirai Yuhara) Dreamscapes

TBA

Twisted Wonderland AU Dreamscapes

TBA

You figured out you were dreaming, didn’t you? Well that’s the point of Lucid Dreaming, and the best part is, you can do whatever you want!

Requests

Open

So depending how far I get with this, especially since my following right now isn’t much, I may or may not open requests.

If it ever happens, my requests will only be works between my Twist OC and a select few of Twist characters.

And if that goes to plan, and depending how confident I am with my writing, then and only then will I open up requests outside of my OC. (With rules, of course!)

Asks

Open

So the same is happening here. I don’t know how far I will get with this, and I don’t think there’s a point in opening asks if my blog isn’t even being seen.

But if that ever happens, my asks will have rules and mostly will be an “ask me anything” type ask box. Ask me or my Twist OC about anything, how we are doing, thoughts about the game, Twisted Wonderland if anyone needs specifics, stuff like that.

And if you have something that could be a “request,” but just want a short answer, feel free to drop it as an ask!

See rules here __φ(◎◎ヘ)

Did you think you were awake? Felt so real, didn’t it? False awakening will do that to you. But that’s okay, you’re almost awake, just a little further.

Behind the Scenes

This will be where I ramble about the makings of my works. Thought processes, references, stuff like that. This way I can give more insight on my works, to share my thoughts on a more intellectual level, if that makes sense. σ(￣、￣〃)

Updated on 10/8/2023

#Masterlist #TheMaladaptiveWriter12 #blog rules

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momo-ceros · 4 years ago

Note

Helloo~

I was wondering if you'd be interested in writing some soft Dabi, like before he joined the LOV and maybe his SO is worshipping the scars that he's really insecure about? Can be sfw or nsfw I just like my trainwreck fireball (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

marks || dabi x reader

summary: dabi doesn’t like to show vulnerability but you just can’t stop tearing his carefully build walls down.

tags: fluff, insecurities, vulnerability, hot topic emo boy, nsfw-ish at the end (alluded to), mentions of dabi’s true identity, neither dabi nor reader are mentally stable, moral grayness, also sub! dabi undertones

author’s note: I absolutely adored this request. also reached 50 followers already wow I feel honored! thanks for all the support! my requests are still open!

“You know you don’t have to join them”, you said as you plopped down on the couch next to your... what even were you? Somewhere between friendship and love with all the blurry lines in-between intertwining the two of you.

“If you wish to leave then do so before I change my mind and kill you instead”, Dabi snapped back, his tone deadly cold as he sent you a glare.

You laughed not threatened by his demeanor in the slightest, already used to his antics.

“Chill Touya not what I meant. I am not gonna let you have all the fun and let you kill your old man alone I am merely saying”, you paused, taking a big spoonful of the vanilla ice cream you had gotten earlier, “we could also just do this together. Alone together. Can you even say that? No idea. Failed for a reason.”

The young Todoroki watched your movements as he listened to your ramblings. Of course you wouldn’t leave, you would never leave, you- he paused, as he began to realize his own thoughts. You had become such an unshakeable part of his life and at this point, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if you would leave too.

“Are you even listening to me Touya?”, you pouted as you let yourself fall backwards to let your back rest on his legs and tossed the now empty paper can of ice cream to the side, “Here I was just coming up with amazing escape ideas like that criminal couple from America, but you just blatantly ignore me! So rude!”

Dabi deadpanned. “Stop acting like a child.”

“Am not!”

“You are.”

“Are too!”

“You just admitted it yourself.”

“You are too good at this, it’s no fun.”

Dabi let out a snort, his shoulder’s slumping slightly. Not a full laugh, but since his lips had curled upward even the slightest, you counted this as an absolute win in your book.

“You need to relax more. It looks good on you”, you murmured, a hand coming up to caress his face, brushing against the scarring on his cheek.

He flinched and backed away from your touch but you were persistent. You sat up and slung a leg above his lap, effectively straddling him as you cradled his face now with both hands. Your thumbs began to rub soothing circles on the marred skin as you blew some messy hair out of his eyes.

Touya was not used to gentle touches, careful brushes of skin against skin that made his heart swell in ways he did not think was possible. Feelings he had long buried under layers upon layers of hate and distrust now resurfacing all because of you.

Was it love he felt? He didn’t know. He was certainly being loved by you, in ways that only you fully grasped.

One of your hands picked up one of his, which had been formerly laying lifelessly beside him on the sofa, and pressed a kiss against deep purple gnashes littering his skin.

Without breaking eye contact, your lips wandered up his arm, leaving small, fluttery kisses against his scars before reaching his throat.

Dabi’s breath hitched as he trembled, not noticeably to anyone but you as you waited for him to give you any sort of permission to continue. He said nothing, only leaning back a little more, pressing himself further into the pillow behind him.

With that, you proceeded. You intertwined your hands with his own as you moved along his neck, enjoying the little noises he let out but as you reached his chin, he turned his head away a little.

“Stop it already this is stupid and unnecessary”, he said.

‘Don’t stop, love me for I cannot love myself´, was what you heard and what he meant.

“Touya”, you sing-sang and tutted as you shifted slightly, suddenly aware of your bodies’ closeness, “Don’t run away from things just because you can’t face them. Horrible habit of yours.”

As he opened his mouth to protest, you silenced him with a kiss, this time directly on his chapped lips. The texture wasn’t necessarily pleasant but just knowing that it was Dabi made it all worth it.

Dabi let out a choked breath as he could feel his eyes beginning to burn with tears but you made no comment on it, instead opting to leave more kisses under his eyes and lips while also sometimes nipping at his earlobe or throat.

“You are so pretty”, you cooed and if it hadn’t been for his inherent dislike of the very nature of his being, he would have believed you.

“Shut it already”, he struggled weakly, closing his eyes to avoid your loving gaze.

He knew he wasn’t pretty. He had been at some point, but he definitely wasn’t anymore. So why, why were you looking at him like he was the most beautiful being you had ever laid your eyes upon?

“Let me see all of you”, you teased, biting into neck as you gleefully buried your face in it. His pants was getting tighter with every stroke, of your crotch against his own- he didn’t know how much more he could handle, heat rising all over his body.

“First I am going to make love to you to make you feel loved and the we are going to join that stupid organization to kill your daddy dearest okay?”

He could only nod as you threw your shirt over your head send him another smile.

Maybe being loved every once in a while wasn’t that bad.

#.weltenbummler #mha x reader #mha x you #dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #dabi x you #todoroki toya x reader #bnha x reader #bnha x you #;momo’s writing

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honeytae · 4 years ago

Note

Hi!! Idk if you’re taking requests or not, but I was hoping I could request something along the lines of where you’re in love with your best friend, taehyung, but he doesn’t know and he’s getting married soon. you don’t tell him how you feel until the night of his wedding when you’re a bit tipsy from drinking your feelings away. you can decide the ending! thank you in advance if you end up writing this! hope you’re doing well and staying safe. Xx

hi darling! i’m so sorry this took so long for me to write. i couldn’t get it to a point where i was satisfied with it for a really long time, i still don’t feel that good about it honestly but hopefully it’s okay for you!!! i tried to make it angsty (yikes) so hopefully it’s not horrible lmao

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy, @the1921-monsters

genre: angst

word count: 1.6k

warnings: um so much heartbreak, oc is a little (very) in denial about the situation and comes off a little toxic tbh, requited love but nothing they can do about it now, mentions of tae going into a panic attack

You couldn’t handle it.

You couldn’t handle the ‘congratulations to the happy couple,’ nor the Mr. and Mrs. Kim sign practically floating over their heads. You couldn’t handle the copious bouquets and all the preparations that went into this.

And you felt like a complete asshole about it.

Which is precisely why you decided to prematurely exit the event, doing yourself and everyone else a favor by leaving for the night to go sulk in your hotel by your lonesome.

The elevator ride up to your floor was miserable, your own battles within your mind coupled with the fact that your floor was the top one, making the ride excruciatingly long on top of everything else.

Rustling with the hotel key in your bag seemed to take forever as well, finally barging into your half unpacked space with a sigh. You quickly shut the door behind you, hoping you’d been able to sneak away from the hotel lobby without any guests noticing.

Shuffling further into the room, you sat on the edge of the king bed in the center of the room, placing your head in your hands at the mere prospect of this weekend.

Taehyung was getting married. Kim Taehyung, your best friend, the one person you’d been pining for since middle school, would be legally bound to someone else in less than twenty four hours.

Maybe you just shouldn’t have come. Despite sending red flags to Tae, you couldn’t think of a better solution than fleeing at this exact moment. Why did you think you could handle this?

Two knocks against the locked door had your head raising from its resting place, cursing under your breath at someone coming after you.

You didn’t feel well. That would be your excuse.

“Hey, you okay?” Immediately upon opening the door, Taehyung spoke the question out into the air, dark eyebrows knit in concern and kind eyes imploring yours for an answer.

“Hi. I’m fine, just a little tired, Tae.” You pressed your lips together in a hopefully believable smile, the man frowning before nodding at you.

“Me too. Can I come in?” He asked, the question completely innocent however making your heart rate a bit faster at the what if. What if things had gone differently? What if it was still a possibility for things to escalate between you two?

Cut it out. He’s about to be a married man.

You raised your eyebrows at him for a moment, then stepped back to allow him in, putting all your concentration on shutting the wood for a moment as you took a steadying breath.

“What about your party?” You wondered aloud, the man humming as he took a seat on your fully made bed.

“I’m tired of the parties. They’re exhausting.” He chuckled, covering his face with his hands as he reclined back on your bed.

Your heart skipped another beat at the vision, his tight pants leaving little to the imagination and buttons from his dress shirt stretched to new limits with his strained position. Diverting your eyes, you walked over to the desk chair in the corner of your room, reaching for a water bottle out of your mini fridge. Get a fucking grip.

Tossing one over to the bed beside Taehyung, you sat down in the plush seat, grateful that the man didn’t seem to notice your distance from him as you glanced out the window.

Until….

“Are you really okay? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

At his sudden words, you froze, gripping your water a bit tighter as you brought your eyes back to his face. He was closer now than before, having scooted to the edge of your bed to lean toward you, eyes showing concern for you as you shuffled in your seat.

Taehyung was never one to beat around the bush, and at times like this, you really wish he would just brush some things under the rug as easy as you could.

“I’m good, Tae. Just have a lot going on, I guess. I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” You said, hoping to clear the air and dismiss the topic as soon as you possibly could. The man’s stare wasn’t helping your state any.

“No apologies. Just wanted to check in on you.” He sighed, seemingly disappointed with your lack of response before a hideous painting across the room caught his eye.

“What the fuck is that?” He griped, making you chuckle as he sat up to lean toward the art piece, squinting with his lip curled in amusement.

“It’s not so bad.” You shrugged, smirking when he turned back to you in bewilderment. Realizing you were teasing him, his eyes went back to normal size, a smile meeting his own lips at the return of your familiar banter.

“How can you sleep in a room with that shit? I feel like asking for a refund.” He shook his head, making you laugh before taking a swig from your water.

“Somehow I manage.” You replied, twisting the cap back on the bottle with a sigh.

It’s times like these that you feel as though nothing is wrong. Times like these that transport you back to periods of your life when Taehyung was just a call away, and you thought maybe, just maybe, you two had a chance. But that was over now. Those days were no more.

Because Taehyung informing you about a blind date then turned into him in a full blown relationship, a serious one at that, and soon enough they were taking big steps such as meeting the parents, moving in together, and yes, getting engaged.

Your friends had been just as shocked as you were, pitying you with deep sympathetic looks over Taehyungs shoulder as you hugged him in confused congratulations. It had all happened so fast...how did you manage to lose him forever?

Waking up the next day, you felt a particular heaviness on your chest. It was the day before the wedding, the rehearsal dinner turned into an entire day of partying for their guests. A celebratory day, if anything.

But waking up and getting all dolled up for this occasion was the absolute last thing you wanted to do, today or ever. You had always thought that you’d have much more of a starring role in Kim Taehyung’s life. Shaking your head to dismiss those kinds of thoughts, you cursed as you left your hotel room, wondering how the hell you’d be getting through this day.

Four martinis. Four martinis was how you’d be getting through today. The bartender had become one of your closest acquaintances over the past few hours, eyeballing you silently as he poured you yet another cocktail, your demands obvious that you were not drinking out of celebration.

Sitting at the bar, you contemplated everything. From the time you’d met Tae, you had been so sure that you two completed each other. Were you that naive? And fuck, why are you still thinking about this now? It’s over. You and Tae will never be.

Nearly jumping off your stool at a hand suddenly clapping your back, you shifted your gaze over to the arm belonging to Jungkook, one of Taehyung’s youngest yet wisest friends.

“You’re sulking.” He said plainly, dark eyes tracing over your faded features, briefly examining the drink in your hand before shooting the bartender a knowing look.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” You sighed, nearly breaking into a sob when his hand laid over yours, fingers fitting between your own in a comforting gesture. With one glance at the man, you gained all the information you didn’t want.

He knew.

You wondered how long he’d known. Jungkook, being the quiet and relatively introverted person he was, was an observer. He knew everything about everyone it seemed, by not speaking to them at all. He noticed everything.

You just hoped he didn’t notice the way your eyes started blinking rapidly, and that he’d instead just go back into the party without another word.

“Neither should you.” He replied to you, his tone holding nothing but concern as he tried to catch your eyes.

You just couldn’t hold it in.

“Well maybe if I wasn’t in love with him I’d be having a better time.” You mumbled, leaning your head down on your hands, elbows pressed to the tops of your thighs, sad and tired as Jungkook froze beside you.

Unbeknownst to you, a concerned Taehyung had also come to find you, stumbling upon that very scene as Jungkook tried to console you.

Meeting eyes with his older friend, Jungkook’s mouth gaped open for a moment, opening and closing like a fish out of water as you cluelessly rambled under your breath about how stupid you were to ever let yourself come here.

With a shaky exhale, Taehyung silently began to put it all together. The way you’d been working constantly lately, picking up every shift you could to decline his repeated attempts at getting together with you, the way you’d ran off last night and brushed it off as you being too tired. It was all adding up.

You were struggling with this as much as he was. Maybe more.

But what Taehyung could do about this years ago was no longer an option, his hands shaking at his sides as he spun on his heel and walked out of the lobby. He could briefly hear Jungkook call for him but ignored it, breathing heavily as he rounded one of the hallways leading to the restrooms.

Unshed tears misted over his eyes as he hugged a corner of the wall, feeling rather unsteady as he leaned his forehead against the cool surface. The burning pain in his chest had him sinking down to the floor in an instant, sobs wracking his shoulders with heightening emotions rising in his throat.

You’d finally given him the green light. And it was too fucking late.

#bts fanfiction #bts member x reader #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts angst #bts reader insert #kim taehyung fanfiction #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung imagines #kim taehyung angst #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung x reader #taehyung imagines #taehyung angst #writing #fanfiction #angst #x reader #reader insert

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sneezefiction · 5 years ago

Text

midnight murmurs

Iwaizumi x Reader - Scenario

a/n: Iwaizumi rattles off some late-night thoughts to you while you’re “sleeping.” little does he know your eyes may not be open, but your ears are still catching quite a few of his one-sided conversations.

warnings: some language

wc: 1.5k

dedicated to: @star-puff, because your Iwaizumi fluff had me riding a high for like 2 whole days & we all need him in our lives

---

Incoherent whispering. Soft, short rambles. Maybe he was sleep-talking?

At least that’s what you thought when you first heard Iwaizumi’s voice over the gentle hum of the ceiling fan and against the muted song of the cicadas buzzing outside of the bedroom window.

But as the nights passed, you began to hone in on the contents of Iwaizumi’s mumbling.

His words were… pointed. Holding an air of quiet confidence and trickling ever so gently into your ear like a lullaby. Sometimes it had to do with his day. Other times it was about how cute you’d looked that morning, still fast asleep while he was getting dressed for work.

But whatever the topic is, you’ve grown used to the conversations that he’s been having with the back of your head.

And here you are again. Lying stiff as a twig by Iwaizumi’s side and listening intently to his voice.

“I wish you’d heard what Shittykawa did today…” He rasps softly.

“...Even though he’s all the way in Argentina, literally surrounded by beaches and resorts, he still hardly takes a day off. That dumbass sprained his ankle and kept practicing for another hour.” Iwaizumi sighed, his thumb barely skimming the surface of your forearm.

If you’d actually been asleep (like he’d thought you were), you’re sure you wouldn’t have felt the brush of his fingertips. It was too delicate. Too careful.

Honestly, you’re just glad he still holds you this tenderly. Especially late at night when you’d least expect his affection. After all, you’ve not had a chance to cuddle with him in a while.

Iwaizumi had been getting home later every single day for the past few weeks and for good reason. He felt obligated to stay with Japan’s national team into the darker hours of the night as the Olympic games approached. And you admire his dedication. You’re so proud of him for chasing after his passions and it would never dawn on you to undermine his career by holding your relationship with him over his head.

But this usually meant that, by the time he cracked the bedroom door open, you two would only have a few moments to share some words and a quick kiss before tucking under the covers. You, of course, missed his voice. And he longed to hear yours.

However, as you closed your tired eyes, Iwaizumi’s would remain wide open, body and mind relentlessly processing through another intense day. You’ve never said a word to him about his shifting and deep sighs, worried that he might feel guilty for keeping you awake with him. Yet still, you feel Iwaizumi’s exhaustion in the way his weary arm drapes around your waist. There’s a tautness, a sort of tension, there.

So you do your best to remain completely still in his hold, hoping that your outward calm would bring him some inward peace. That your steady breath might lull him into a state of rest. That you could be the anchor to his rocking boat, like he’d always been for you when your life got windy and overwhelming. But even with your best, silent efforts, he stayed alert and somewhat unsteady.

That’s when the whispery words would start… and you soon came to the realization that he was talking to you.

You hear the rustle of his hair as he runs a firm hand through it. A small smile adorns your lips as he continues his line of thought, Iwaizumi’s breath wafting across the back of your neck.

“Y/n, he’s such an idiot and he won’t listen to me anymore… maybe I’ll get you to text him tomorrow. You’re so good for him and… maybe a little nicer than I am.” Iwaizumi admits.

There’s a pause and you wonder if that’s it. If that’s the end of his dialogue for the night… but there’s more this time.

“And, God y/n, I missed you today.”

The confession shakes you. Your chest tightens as you try to take it all in.

You’re pretty sure you weren’t supposed to hear that.

Those words were reserved for the most... intimate of moments. For trembling tears or reunions after long distances or maybe hot, heavy kisses after a frustrating day. But, as a general rule, you hardly ever heard those tender remarks out of the blue. After all, Iwaizumi is a man of actions and not so much a lover of words.

So this is new, to say the least. You’re dumbstruck. Your heart is beating far faster than it should be - especially since you’ve been dating him for over a year now.

However, it wasn’t just the words that stunned you. His tone was different too. Where there usually would be, there wasn’t an ounce of embarrassment in Iwaizumi’s voice. It wasn’t rushed; not bashful or heated like some of his past devotions and confessions had seemed.

Tonight’s Iwaizumi is perfectly sincere. No, not just sincere. Fond.

Fond and maybe a tad wistful. Vocal inflection isn’t exactly Iwa’s forte, at least not when it came to sweet words in passing. So this is a historical moment in your book.

Thus, you let your cheeks burn a little longer and shut your eyes a little tighter in order to hear his next words.

“And I miss your voice.” He adds, tone dropping into what seems like… longing.

Iwaizumi pulls you a little closer into his bare chest, the rise and fall breath now pushing up against your own back. He’s really pushing it now.

It feels wrong listening into a conversation when the words are meant for you, but at the same time they aren’t. Who wouldn’t be conflicted? He had clearly trusted that your closed eyes and barely moving figure meant you were deeply asleep. That you couldn’t possibly hear a word he was saying.

I mean you had to say something, right?

So you inhale quietly, preparing to insert yourself into the one-sided discussion.

“...I wish you’d said something sooner, Iwa.”

You almost startle yourself with your own voice, the once soft atmosphere of the moonlit room, turning frigid.

Iwaizumi’s whole body goes stiff, arms frozen in place. He holds his breath and the gentle tickling of air on your neck pauses with it.

You shift your head to look back at him, his eyes already peering into your own. He was red. Beet red. Enough so that you could see it in the dim light of the room. You could practically feel the heat radiating off of his neck and arms, embarrassment flooding through every inch of his body.

“How… how long have you been listening to me?” Iwaizumi whispers, voice wavering almost as though he doesn’t want to hear your answer.

You blink.

Should you only tell him about tonight?

Or would it be better to let him know that he hasn’t had a single midnight conversation this week that you hadn’t listened in on?

You opt for honesty, knowing that he would probably be able to tell if you were lying anyways.

“Everything from this past… week?” You say shyly, slinking away from him, but one of Iwaizumi’s strong arms holds you in place.

His head falls back to his pillow and the other arm covers his eyes. As many times as he’d slipped up in front of you, he’d really done it this time. You must think he’s so strange. Why was he always doing stuff like this? Of course you would hear him.

I should’ve just kept my damn mouth shut, Iwaizumi thinks, his body still being flamed by an internal furnace from all the other embarrassing things he now remembers rattling off to you in your ‘sleeping’ state.

“But I liked listening to you.” You cut in quickly, sensing his discomfort and attempting to smooth it over with gentle words.

“And we… don’t get to talk much lately. So I- I just didn’t want to say anything because… I like the sound of your voice. You’re actually very soothing, Iwa.” You’re still sleepy, so the words come out choppily... but considering the circumstances, it wasn’t the worst recovery.

If it weren’t for the blushing male in front of you, you would probably feel just as flustered by the whole situation. But somehow, you kept your cool, too focused on calming Iwaizumi down in his flushed state.

“...Y/n?”

“Yes?” You breathe out.

“Just… just come here already.” He takes his hand away from his burning face and turns toward you.

You’re immediately pulled snug against him, your front meeting his chest, legs twining around his toned ones. Iwaizumi has a hand behind your neck tucking you into the crook of his neck as he hides his face from you, chin resting softly atop your head.

“I’ll call Oikawa tomorrow.” You joke, breaking the tension.

“It’s shittykawa.” He corrects. “And please forget about everything I said.” His tone dropping, turning sour.

A humored sigh leaves your lips.

He feels your mouth smiling faintly against his collar bone, which only sends him further into this embarrassed affection for you.

You were really something.

Never making him feel bad for running late hours. Letting him crawl into bed with you way past midnight when you could easily demand more time from him. Listening to his rambles, some more crass than others, consciously without judgement.

He’d found a treasure in you. A golden, shimmering treasure that didn’t need light to be seen. You shone even under the pale, underwhelming moonlight that peered through the window blinds.

So Iwaizumi finds himself pressing a few soft kisses onto your forehead. You plant a couple lingering ones on his neck in return and he squeezes you even closer into him.

And just as the two of you begin to drift off, you decide to top the night off with a cherry of sorts.

“Iwa?”

“Yes, y/n?” His voice at a whisper, once again.

“I’ve missed you too.”

---

Do Not Repost

tags: @cherryonigiri, @yams046, @miss-rin, @shou-kunn, @senkuwu-chan, @super-noya, @stcrryskies, @holaaaf, @sugacookiies, @vintgicals, @moonlightaangel, @kit-tea, @theworldupthere, @sugasugawarau, @randomesk-yuku, @ideshine, @macaronnv, @anseoo, @aprettyfruit, @bbakougo, @bloom-uwu, @spikertrash, @iguessimastannow

(comment, dm, or send an ask to be added to my general tag list - blogs in bold could not be tagged)

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #haikyuu fluff #hq #hq x reader #hq imagines #hq scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #iwaizumi imagines #iwaizumi scenarios #aoba johsai #seijoh #oikawa #oikawa tooru #sneezefiction

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ashdumpsterpile · 4 years ago

Note

I know you talk abou st*cky in the interracial ships stuff, but can we talk about st*ny? Iron husbands is literally right there, but I also always sees Rhodey as Tonys moral support only. And ik Tony is very shippable with most characters, but the fact his ship is Rhodey is one of the lowest ships in ao3 (ironstrange, winteriron and god forbid stark*r all had more fics in ao3).. It's pretty telling this side also has racism problems...

I'll go ahead and answer this here, but letting y'all know that I do have a marvel sideblog if you want to hit me up there (@themarvelarchives).

Hey, I'm going to ramble for a good minute.

So after I posted my very incoherent, controversial take on St*cky vs SamBucky, there were a ton of ppl who came onto anon saying that St*cky shippers were racist. I think I only answered a few, but y'all were pretty insistent on it. I personally have not observed that St*cky shippers are so I'm not calling anyone out on that side of the fandom for that.

I also did not call out anyone on this side of the fandom bc that's not what my meta was about. I think I mentioned maybe once or twice in the whole post that there was underlying racist in the fandom, but since you asked, we can talk about it here.

Covert Bigotry In Fandom Spaces.

To understand what's going on in the MCU, we have to first look at what I call "woke-queer" fandom.

So "Woke-Queer" Spaces is the phenomenon where certain fandom members like to call ppl out on their bigotry, while covertly harboring their own queerphobia/racism/etc. An example of this that we're all familiar with is TERFS and how they like to claim that they are progressive and woke, while also claiming that trans women are fake and trans men are sexist.

How this translates to fandom, however, is the hypocrisy that is cancellation and callout culture.

For example, Supernatural in particular is a fandom that likes to call out the writers on their homophobia and racism, and yet, somehow, the fandom is chalk full of homophobia and racism. If you want to read more about this, here is a truly excellent article from the perspective of a queer woman of color.

Moving on, I've also talked in a previous meta post, on the internalized acephobia that exploded in 2019 after Good Omens was released. Rather than reiterate everything I said in that post, I'll just leave it at this: the controversy in the Good Omens fandom can be summed up by the fact that queer audiences are claiming that Ineffable Husbands is the wrong kind of queer. The hypocrisy oozes off the screen, doesn't it?

A final way this viably translates to fandom, is in how the Doctor Who fandom evolved over time.

So Steven Moffat takes over as head writer and showrunner in 2010. It's a new series, a new Doctor, a new Tardis, and new branding. He steps up the action, changes the color grating, and raises the stakes. Women are sexier, the Doctor is smarter (and more of an asshole, but that's another meta post), and every companion comes with their own impossible mystery that makes them Special™.

Series 5-10 got tons of woke points for having lesbian characters, an episode where the Doctor is homoerotic with James Corden, and an underlying trans narrative with the Master's reincarnation. What a lot of people forget, however, is that his series was incredibly sexiest, incredibly lesbian/biphobic, and basically turned the Doctor into everyone's fantasy sex-object.

This, unfortunately, brought out the worst of the fandom. There was RTD Era vs Moffat Era wars exploding in certain corners, TenxRose shippers vs ElevenxRiver shippers.

What does this have to do with covert racism in fandom cultures though?

Hnnngng ok, so back in RTD era's we get Martha Jones, the Actual Best Companion On The Entire Show. Except for the fact, of course, that she is written to be in love with the doctor. She's a brilliant character--smart, sassy, flawed, funny, flirtatious--and her entire plotline is reduced down to a school-girl crush on a white man.

She doesn't do well with fans, they scrap her after one season.

We move on to Donna Noble (The Other Actual Best Companion On The Entire Show) and RTD's era ends with them scraping her too and regenerating David Tennant's Doctor.

It will be five more series (not seasons, SERIES) until Doctor Who will have another black companion--who gets extra points for being gay--only to fall victim to "bury your gays" at the end of the season (but not really bc no one stays dead on Doctor Who).

The fandom's reception of Martha Jones was historically bad. The comparisons to her predecessor, Rose Tyler, were rampant and everyone was finding a reason to hate her.

The fandom's reception to Bill Potts was also historically bad, as everyone was screaming that she was being written for more "woke points" and that they wanted Clara back.

Fandom has a historically bad reputation of being problematic and, I would argue, the majority of it has to do with these toxic undertones of bigotry that slip under the radar. "Woke-queer" spaces, as I call them, are these instances above where spaces that claim to be inclusive of gender/orientation/race are covertly bigoted.

Marvel and Cancelling

Now is an excellent time to talk about the MCU.

Anthony Mackie (Sam Wilson) has recently come under a lot of criticism from fandom members for shutting down shipper speculation.

"The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality. [...] something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves."

I can't find the rest of the quote, but Mackie goes on further to say that it was important to him to portray "a sensitive, masculine figure" without insinuating that there was romance involved.

Woke culture lost it's shit. Everyone was suddenly claiming that Mackie was calling them exploitative for shipping a gay ship as a queer audience, which could not have been further from the case.

Mackie actually makes some very excellent points in that sensitivity is not gay/queer. Woke culture loves to rag on Toxic Masculinity, but the minute someone plays a character who is loving and sensitive with no queer narrative in mind, they are immediately canceled.

What Am I On About

Okay, let's actually address what your ask was about, Nonnie. You pointed out--rather truthfully--that it is unfair to call-out racism on one side of the fandom, while ignoring it on the other side.

Well, I've gone back through my St*cky vs. SamBucky analysis (which is incoherent at best, I apologize for that) and I see maybe once instance where I called out fandom members for being racist. Here's what I had to say about racism:

"[...] Iron Husbands is a rarepair, probably because it’s an interracial ship."

"[there is] nothing wrong with shipping two white men, but it does become a problem when you ignore/bash POC/interracial ships to the determinant of your own white ship."

And then there was the post you brought up where I addressed interracial ships in the fandom. That one is probably more relevant to this topic, to be honest, as I actually addressed fandom racism there. I assume that your reason for bringing up Stony is because it's a ship that is more relevant to my side of the fandom, HOWEVER, the reason I highlighted Stucky instead was because I was comparing the fact that they've both been around the same amount of time and are relationships that feature the protagonist and their best friend.

You brought up St*ny in the ask, however, so I'm going to talk about St*ny for a minute.

As someone who never has nor will ship St*ny, it never even occurred to me that some of the problem behind the Iron Husbands tag being so small is because everyone ships the white, boring ship. You brought up a very valid point, but because I was never in that part of the fandom, I can't really speak to any possible underlying racism there, besides what I've already said above.

I would be interested in hearing a St*ony shipper or ex-St*ony shippers thought on this, but sadly I don't know any. If you have any more thoughts regarding this, Nonnie, pls drop back into my inbox.

You do make some excellent points in this ask though, and I would like to talk about racism on my side of the fandom.

So back to Mackie and his Twitter cancellation. Notice that Disney made him address the rumors and not his co-star, Sebastian Stan. Anthony Mackie is put on blast and made to answer fan demands and receives backlash, while Sebastian Stan gets to fly under the rader. This is not, by the way, a criticism of Stan, but instead of the blatant racism Disney has been displaying over the past few years.

How this ties in with the rest of my post has to do with my "woke-queer" spaces bit. The outcry across the MCU fandom over Mackie was swift and unforgiving. He was cancelled on charges of homophobia and bigotry--all the while these same fans turn a blind eye to any queer interpretation of other interracial ships and discourse in their own fandom.

The racism that I'm speaking about, of course, is an almost passive racism. Of course if you don't ship a specific ship for reasons other than their race, it's perfectly fine. It's okay not to ship Iron Husbands or SamBucky or any other interracial fandom ships. However, the distinct lack of shippers in the fandom IS telling because there are people who would ship that exact ship if not for the fact that one of men is black.

I don't have much more to say about this except to thank you for bringing it up and for listening to my long rambling post.

(Feel free to bug me about Tony Stark, MCU ships, MCU Meta and anything you want to talk me about on this blog and @themarvelarchives.)

#this got long sorry #iron husbands #sambucky #james rhodes #tony stark #sam wilson #anthony mackie #doctor who #moffat critical #my meta #ash does meta #ash does fandom #marvel #mcu #fandom critical #fandom criticism #long post

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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years ago

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Serendipity - Part I. (Harry Styles)

a/n: i am BEYOND excited to share this story with you guys! i’ve been working on it for over a month now if not more and what started as just a oneshot, slowly grew into this massive fic. i really hope you’ll love the story of Harry and Lis bc im obsessed with them haha. please feel free to share your thoughts and reactions about the chapter and the fic itself!

pairing: Harry x OC (Annalise Lloyd)

word count: 8k

SERIES MASTERPOST ⚫️ my masterlist ⚫️ come and talk to me about Serendipity! ⚫️ consider buying me a coffee!

Serendipity (n.) Finding something good without looking for it.

There are people who plot out their New Year’s Eve plan even months before the last day of the year, making sure they will be celebrating the upcoming year at the best party possible. And then there are the folks who just ignore it until the very last moment and end up spending at a random place with even more random people.

Harry Styles desperately wanted to be the first kind, but unfortunately often found himself falling into the second case scenario. With his busy schedule and endless ocean of his upcoming projects, he never really had time to think about the last party of the day and usually ended up just tagging along some of his friends wherever they headed to. This year was no different, having to work up until even the last few days of the year, Harry had little to no thought about where he would be when the clock strikes midnight.

Just about a day before it, one of his old high school friends, Griff hits him up with a text if he would want to join them for the celebration at the pub he opened not that long ago. Harry didn’t think twice to accept the invitation, finally checking one more thing off his list, so he won’t just stay at home, and pathetically fall asleep at ten.

It’s nothing big or fancy, Griff assures him in the morning when he rings his friend up to ask when he should arrive and what he should bring.

“Nothing, ey? Just come and ‘ave a good time with us,” Griff tells him, though he already knows Harry won’t show up empty handed.

December 31st

A little before seven Harry opts for a quick shower before he dives deep in his wardrobe to find something to wear. He is torn between wearing a fancy outfit or something cozier, but eventually stands up for the latter, putting on a pair of light washed jeans, a simple white button up and a seaweed green knitted jumper under his coat. He doesn’t pay much attention to his hair, his curls falling around his head in a messy, warm brown halo. It’s been raining all day, it wouldn’t have had any use to try to tame them.

Slowly but surely, Harry feels the buzz in himself, excited to see his old friends and maybe meet some new people while having drinks and just relaxing. He grabs a bottle of fancy whiskey from his bar and heads out around eight.

Griff is one of the few people Harry stayed in touch with after his career launched so abruptly, the two of them often met up whenever Harry was around, having a pint together, just chatting up. Griff bought an old pub a few years prior and completely renewed it, opened at the beginning of the year, Harry was there at the opening party, he had way too much to drink, but he surely had a great time.

“There he is! My favorite arrogant son of a bitch!” Harry immediately hears as soon as he steps into the pub that’s already quite filled.

The tall lad makes his way through the groups of guests until he can envelop his old friend in a warm, brotherly hug as Harry chuckles at the name he just called him. Griff always loved that line from Harry’s song and never missed a chance to call him that. He doesn’t mind though, keeps that playful side of their friendship he always adored so much.

“Good to see you, mate,” Harry smirks at him. “Here, this is for yeh.” He holds out the pricey drink and Griff shakes his head at him.

“Told ya not to bring anything!” he sighs but accepts the gift anyway, knowing well Harry would just sneak into the back anyway and leave the liquor on his desk. “We ‘ave a nice evening ahead of us. Got food, drinks, everything’s on me, take what yeh want,” Griff assures him as the two of them walk further inside.

Harry sees a few familiar faces, high school friends, kids from around the neighborhood that are now grown adults, just like him, but there are quite a lot of guests he doesn’t know.

“C’mon, yeh need t’ ‘ave a welcome drink with me,” Griff grins as he pulls Harry to the bar and fills up two shot glasses generously. Harry doesn’t even bother to ask him what it is, he just takes the glass willingly and after they clink in the middle they both send it down.

Harry grimaces as the hard liquor burns down his throat, Griff never played around with the soft drinks, he knows what hits the best and fastest and Harry figures it’s one of those drinks that would have him crawling on the floor after two more shots.

It doesn’t take Harry long to mix and mingle, get into conversations and meet new people, just enjoying the welcoming and warm atmosphere of the party. He is pleased to see that people treat him just like any other guest, rather than a famous person and he is beyond thankful for that.

Near the bar, Griff has set up a quite rich buffet table filled with all kinds of snacks and food. It’s way past ten when Harry shuffles over there feeling his stomach growling. He grabs a paper plate and his eyes roam everything that’s set on the table. Humming to himself he decides to opt for the delicious looking fries, his mouth drools just at the sight of them, so he puts a generous amount to his plate before his eyes spot the bowl of peas. That’s exactly what he needs to go with the fries.

He goes a little overboard, but he couldn’t care less. Once he is satisfied with his meal he puts back the spoon that was sat in the bowl of peas, right when someone reaches for it. Glancing up his gaze meets a pair of warm brown eyes and a shy, but playful smile. Harry can’t stop himself from smiling instantly as the woman takes the spoon and fills her plate with peas. He looks down and sees that her plate is filled with the exact same things: fries and peas.

“Excellent choice,” he smirks teasingly and her eyes snap down to her plate before she sees the similarity on Harry’s plate. She lets out an airy chuckle before she tugs her chestnut colored, wavy locks behind her ears with her now free hand.

“Mother always told me to balance the junk out with something healthy,” she admits, the corners of her mouth curling up as she blinks a little shy under Harry’s burning gaze.

He always knew he had an eye for pretty things and he never dared to deny himself from admiring them once he laid his eyes on something he found breathtaking. She was by far the prettiest thing he has seen in quite some time, so he doesn’t shy away from taking in her figure in front of him. Delicious looking curves dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a sheer shirt with a top underneath it, the front tugged into the waist of the jeans. Her hair looks effortless, but he can tell she probably spent some time forming the natural looking waves before coming here. The thin eyeliner makes her eyes appear more cat-like and her long lashes dance around with each look she pays him.

“You want to—um, sit?” she stammers nodding towards an empty table near the buffet, a soft blush tainting her soft skin. Harry absolutely adores the hint of innocence in her features.

“’fcourse,” he nods and follows her.

The two of them move over to the table and sit down with their meal, Harry sneaking a fry into his mouth right away.

“’M Harry, by the way,” he says, realizing he hasn’t even introduced himself just yet. Some people tend to look at him weird whenever he does it, as if it should be common knowledge to know who he is, but he never takes it for granted. Luckily, she doesn’t find it funny or weird that he introduced himself.

“Annalise. But everyone just calls me Lis,” she explains and holds out a hand for him, which at first looks a little odd and he can tell she regrets the motion, but he appreciates it, even finds it cute. So before she can pull her hand back he takes it and gives it a soft shake. “So what brings you here tonight?” she asks as both of them digs into their food.

“Griff invited me, saved me last minute, didn’t have any plans.”

“How do you know him?”

Harry finds it amusing that she didn’t bring up that a famous person like him would probably have tons of invitations to fancy parties. He hates when people assume that his social life is blossoming at all times, packed with parties and events to attend every day.

“We went to high school together. Stayed in touch through the years.”

Lis nods with a small smile before her eyes return to the plate in front of her.

“How ‘bout you?”

“Oh, um… Well, Griff and I had a blind date like ages ago, but we both figured out pretty quickly we are never gonna be more than just friends. But that we are perfect for. Have been meeting up every once in a while. I was kind of in the same shoe like you, wasn’t planning on coming out tonight, but… I was forced to,” she admits with a nervous chuckle.

“Y’ don’t like to go out?”

“I—uh, don’t really have the time,” she answers, clearly a bit nervous at the topic so Harry decides to just drop it.

The two of them sit there, just talking and eating and with each passing moment Harry finds himself more and more enchanted by the woman sitting on his right. The way she rambles sometimes, how her nose scrunches whenever she is laughing hard, how she likes to keep tugging her hair behind her ears all the time, are the smallest things but they easily catch Harry’s attention.

Besides, she is not just the looks, also an amazing company. Easy to talk about anything, even the riskier things too. She doesn’t shy away from giving her honest and raw opinion, but also doesn’t attack if someone thinks differently. Instead, she is open to other point of views, seeking opportunities to learn and grow. It’s a mindset Harry values highly and feels like it’s hard to find it. But on this evening in his mate’s pub, he found a gem, it feels like.

The plates soon get swapped to beers and Lis is getting giddier with each gulp, which he finds amusing, especially because she lets her thoughts slip without thinking about them and it allows Harry to look into that pretty head of hers easier.

He doesn’t fail to notice how his heart flutters every time she touches his arm or hand whenever she is deep in a story. The warm touch of her soft hand is sending him into trembling and he is glad they are sitting because he surely would be having a hard time keeping himself up on his feet. She is just the kind of person that wraps others around her fingers without even trying or noticing.

Though it’s only been over an hour since he first laid his eyes on her, he feels like he has known her for ages. The connection built up fast and smoothly, sweeping Harry right off his feet. He’s got it bad for her and he already knows he wants to see her again once this night ends.

“Oh, it’s almost midnight!” Annalise gasps snapping out of her thoughts, a hand snapping to Harry’s upper arm. The crowd is starting to buzz, getting ready for the count down.

“C’mon, let’s get some champagne,” Harry tells her and helps her up from her seat.

They head to the bar and each of them grabs a flute filled with the sparkly alcohol. They stand a little to the side, but still mingled in the crowd of guests. Harry can feel his hands getting sweaty as he thinks about the countdown. Every fiber in his body is aching to kiss her, even though he knows it’s quite crazy knowing the fact they have known each other for only two hours. But he just can’t help it, she has a spell on him with just one look, making him act like a teenager in love.

Annalise peeks up at Harry with a lazy smile, the drinks have made her a little lightheaded, but she is nowhere near being drunk. Her thoughts are absolutely clear and they all focus on the man standing close to her.

Harry watches her bite into her bottom lip and he wonders if she is thinking about the same thing. If she’d be mad if he kissed her when the clock strikes midnight or slap him right across his face. He notices as she draws a deep breath, eyes looking around before they return to him.

“Get yo’ drinks, lads!” Griff shouts from somewhere behind the bar and those who haven’t picked up a glass quickly work on the problem.

Then the countdown begins.

“Ten!... Nine!... Eight!...”

Annalise glances up at Harry and her cheeks blush when she catches him already looking at her. She wishes she had her beer so she could hide in her glass from his burning eyes.

“Seven!... Six!...”

Harry turns so his whole body is facing her and takes just one tiny step towards her. When she doesn’t back away from him, he takes it as a sign that she might want the same thing as him.

“Five!... Four!...”

She looks straight up at him with a sheepish smile and pushes herself against him right when his free hand finds its way to her waist. She sucks in a sharp breath, but doesn’t move while Harry is aching to taste her plump, soft lips.

“Three!... Two!... One!... Happy New Year!”

The crowd cheers as one, guests are clapping and screaming, welcoming the new year with high hopes and full of planes for the new chapter that just started.

Harry and Annalise lock eyes and while everything around them is a full chaos, he feels like a bubble of silence and tranquility is surrounding them. Harry sucks in his breath, lips parted as he doesn’t break his gaze with hers. There’s a moment of hesitation, but the voice in the back of his mind tells him that he can’t let this moment go to waste.

Fuck it! He tells himself before he leans down and his lips meet hers in a soft, warm and breathtaking kiss.

He is a man who believes in magic, in things he can’t explain rationally, he is a man who doesn’t try to pull reality into everything when something odd happens. When his lips meet hers, he is swept right off his feet with just that tiny touch. It’s not a demanding kiss, very restricted and shy, but it still makes his insides tremble for her, almost falling to his knees right in front of her.

There’s a moment of hesitation from her side, when their lips are just touching in a little awkward way, but it fades into nothing before Harry could wrap his head around it, her lips parting as she lets him deepen the kiss, a soft moan slipping out of her throat that brings a knot to his stomach.

The moment is so vivid, raw and intoxicating, he wishes he could bottle it up and open it to have a taste of her anytime later, keep her in his pocket just to have her lips glued to his like this whenever he needs to be grounded or taken away from the world. His fingers dig into her waist, pulling her close to his body, hoping to just merge into her, become one with the woman in his arms.

She softly glides her hands up his arms, through his shoulders before they stop at the back of his neck, digging into his soft curls, while never breaking the kiss. Their lips stay melted together, tongues and teeth clashing, they are a hot mess in the first minutes of the new year.

The cheering slowly dies down and the usual buzzing of conversations and laughter replaces it, but the two of them are still busy with each other and it takes quite some time to pull themselves out of the bubble they created.

“Happy New Year, Lis,” Harry smiles down, lips swollen, eyes glistening from the joy that’s filling up his veins. She glances up at him shyly from under her lashes.

“Happy New Year, Harry,” she whispers, biting into her bottom lip, coming off the high this little make out session gave her.

One hour passes by, then another and the party is starting to slowly die down. People are flaking out the door, the crowd is getting smaller with each door opening.

Harry and Annalise remain in the corner of the place after their kiss, a barrier that’s been noticeably present before has come down as Harry has his arm swung over the back of her chair and she lets herself lean against his side. There’s something so calming and tranquil in just being so close to each other, sharing thoughts and stories while his fingers graze on her shoulder gently and her head always falls to his shoulder when she laughs on something. He loves her laugh, it could easily light up any place and Harry can’t help but feel sorry for the people who don’t see her shine. So many guests didn’t get the chance to get to know her, but on the other hand, he is a bit selfish, he wants her all to himself. No one else should have the honor of making her laugh or bringing a smile to her perfect lips. He wants her all to himself, even if it makes him sound like a mad man.

After she leaves to the restroom, she comes back with her phone in her hands and a tired smile playing on her lips.

“I, uhh—called an Uber. I really should get going,” she tells him and he wants to make her stay. He wants this evening to last forever, but he can’t ask her to stay longer than she wants, so he just slowly nods.

“I’ll walk you out,” he offers, but it’s more like a fact.

The two of them find their coats on the packed rack, Annalise says goodbye to the handful of people she knows, hugging Griff before they head outside to wait for her car to arrive.

“I really enjoyed tonight,” Harry mumbles, shoving his hands into his coat’s pockets, feeling like a nervous teenage boy talking to his crush. She glances up at him with a smile, but there’s something clouding her eyes he can’t really put his finger on.

“Me too,” she assures him, a pair of headlights turning the corner and they both look in the approaching car’s direction before facing each other. “It was really great meeting you, Harry. Take care of yourself in the new year,” she tells her, but he doesn’t like the weight of her words. It sounds like a proper goodbye, like she is bracing herself to never meet him again, but he can’t let that happen.

“Can I—Uh, can I have your number? I would love to take you out sometime.”

The car stops next to them and she nods in the driver’s way to let him know she’s the one he is supposed to pick up. Taking a step to the backseat, she looks back at Harry.

“I’m really sorry, Harry, but we can’t.”

Devastation washes over him, her words are like a punch into his stomach each. Why is she rejecting him? Did she not enjoy the evening? Did he say something stupid? She seemed to be having a great time, so why can’t he see her again?

“What? Are you sure? Because I really loved tonight and would love to see you again.”

Annalise opens the car door and shoots him an apologetic look. He has never felt this helpless in his life, than at that moment, looking at the woman of his dreams escape from his reach.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t get into… whatever it is you want from me. I really am sorry, I wish it was different.”

“But I just want to see you again. I thought… You didn’t feel like it was something special?” he breathes out, feeling the world crashing down on him with each passing moment.

“I did, but I can’t do this. I’m sorry. Take care, Harry,” she sighs, clearly not happy about her own actions and he doesn’t understand why she is fleeing away like this.

He stands there, completely frozen as she gets into the car and shuts the door open. Their eyes meet through the window one last time before the car starts moving and she falls out of his view. He stares after her until the very last moment, when the car disappears at the end of the street, leaving him in pieces from the major rejection he just suffered.

He stays out there until his nose and cheeks turn red and his ears are freezing off, part of him wishing that if he just waits she’s gonna magically reappear and tell him it was just a joke. He can’t believe he met such a wonderful creature and had to let her go like she didn’t flip his whole world upside down under just a couple of hours. Does she know how much of an effect she had on him?

She probably doesn’t, he thinks to herself, because then she wouldn’t have left so abruptly and without a trace for him to find her again.

When Harry returns to the pub, he is met with a tipsy Griff, shoving a pint into his hand immediately.

“Ay, saw you hanging with Lis all night!” he teases Harry, but the mentioning of her name just makes his heart ache. However, knowing that Griff is friends with her, he is ready to use him as a way to get to her.

“Yeah, hey, you have her number?” he asks, trying his best to look as innocent as possible, but Griff sees right through him, even with all the alcohol in his body.

“Sorry, mate. F’she didn’t give it to ya, I won’t go against her.”

“I’m begging you, Griff. I need to see her again!” he sighs in despair, ready to do anything he can to get to her.

“Y’not the first bloke to fall for her magic. I know what it feels like, but I can’t do anything, sorry.” He shrugs his shoulders, giving an apologetic look to his friend before he joins another conversation.

Harry could scream from the frustration, the urge to punch something or someone is growing with each passing moment, but he has to realize there’s nothing he can do at this point other than accept the fact that he met this wonderful woman, had the best night with her and then was forced to watch her walk out of his life before she could even become part of it properly.

Harry starts to realize that what he thought about heartbreaks is nothing compared to the feeling Annalise left in his heavy heart.

There has to be a solid reason for what she did. Or did not do.

Endless theories about Annalise flood his mind through the days following that night when he was forced to watch her leave on such a bitter and painful note. Harry couldn’t stop himself from making up the most ridiculous cases just to give himself a possible peace of mind, but neither of them brought him enough comfort to forget about her.

His best shot was that she had a boyfriend, or even worse, a husband. This was the only version that sounded somewhat real and believable, though he just knew she is not the type of woman to cheat on a significant other.

How would you know? You spent just one evening with her, she could be a serial killer for all you know! Harry’s rational side was always quick to shut him down when his thought swirled around the idea of knowing her well enough to assume anything about her.

As the days dragged by him in a painful pace, he slowly had to realize it’s going to be a question in his life he’ll never get an answer to, so he just has to learn to live with the thought of the woman that got away.

The end of January rolls around faster than he could comprehend, February comes and he finds himself spending his days mostly in the studio, cooking up new music. Studio sessions are his favorite. That’s his element, he feels safe and comfortable, surrounded by people he trusts and enjoys creating his art fully. In the new year, he has also been eager to pick up a new hobby so he has been trying himself out in knitting and painting recently, finding both of them just a tad bit too hard for him just yet, but they were enough to get his mind off of the one woman who was constantly occupying his thoughts following New Year’s Eve.

Sitting in an armchair in the studio, he and his bandmates are listening back to some recordings they did today and he is trying to find that one thing that keeps throwing him off whenever he hears the song.

“I think it’s great,” Mitch states once the recording ends, and Harry agrees, it is great, but not the best.

“Maybe we could tone down the keyboard a little through the bridge, give more space for the guitar,” he contemplates, but really, he is just shooting in the dark, not sure what it is that keeps him on edge about the song.

“Why don’t we have a break?” Sarah suggests with a warm smile, seeing how everyone is keen on leaving for a little, except Harry, who is still fixated on mastering the song. But he agrees to have the break, however while everyone gets ready to leave and grab something to eat from the diner that’s around the corner, Harry stays where he is, eyes glued to his notebook.

“You’re not coming?” Charlotte asks him and he just shakes his head.

“No, not that hungry.” He looks up and shoots them a short smile and though they all can tell he could use the time out, they know him enough already that he won’t leave before he finds what’s not right.

“Alright. We’ll be back in an hour,” Mitch informs him and he dismisses them all with a nod.

He stays right there, going through the lyrics a few more times, making tiny changes in hopes that it’ll fix it all, but he can feel himself growing frustrated. Doesn’t matter how hard he is trying, he realizes his brain needs a break. Letting out a defeated huff he leans back, looking around in the empty studio. He doesn’t feel particularly hungry, but he could use something to snack on. So grabbing his coat he locks up the studio and heads out to the nearby Tesco they usually run out during sessions.

He is still humming the melody to himself when he walks in, a pair of sunglasses sitting on the bridge of his nose, his famous curls hidden under a green beanie. He doesn’t bother to get a cart or basket, just strolls inside and roams down the aisles, trying to decide what he desires.

He settles on some kind of canned tea and a protein bar, but before he heads towards the cash registers, he wanders down the aisle where they keep cereals, looking around aimlessly. It’s the middle of the day on a weekday, most people are at work at this hour, so just a few other customers are lingering around, filling their carts. At first, he doesn’t pay any attention to the figure a little further down the aisle, his eyes are glued to the shelves, but then he just mindlessly glances to his left, his brain not even processing what, or who he is seeing at first. Then he takes a double take and his stomach drops to the tiled floor when he recognizes the woman, deep in her thoughts to decide which cereal to buy.

Annalise is standing just a few meters away from him, looking just as beautiful as he remembered, wearing a pair of simple jeans, light blue sneakers and a white jacket, her hair is in a loose ponytail on the top of her head.

“Lis?” he calls out, as if he thinks she is just a ghost. Taking a few steps closer he watches as her eyes fall from the products on the shelves to him, then they widen and her lips part in shock.

“Harry? Wha-what are you doing here?” she asks and Harry is quick to read the panic out of her tone as she looks around cautiously.

“I’m… shopping?” he answers with a soft chuckle, holding up the items in his hands.

“Haven’t seen you around here.”

“The studio we use is nearby, I drop by sometimes. But today is clearly my lucky day.” Even though her reaction is giving him doubts, he can’t hide his joy upon seeing her again, fate clearly playing on his side this time.

“Uh, yeah?” she lets out an anxious chuckle, her eyes often wandering off him, as if she is waiting for someone to show up and it just fuels Harry’s rich theories about her.

“So, are you here with your boyfriend?” he boldly asks, deciding to just go for it. Annalise’s eyes widen once again, but not in a way that makes him think he just busted her, it’s more of a confused one.

“Boyfriend? What are you talking about?”

“Well, you basically ran away from me that night, I figured you had someone and that’s why you didn’t want to give me your number.” He tries his best not to sound petty or bitter, though that’s exactly what he’s been feeling ever since she left that night.

“Harry, that’s… not the case.”

“Okay, so does this mean you’ll give me your number this time?” he tries and he is so busy with her presence, he doesn’t even notice when a smaller frame runs past him down the aisle.

“Mommy! I want this!”

At first, he doesn’t even register that the little boy is talking to Annalise, he dismisses his presence, eyes still fixated on her, but then her gaze leaves him and turns down to the boy, holding up a bar of chocolate.

“Honey, that’s too big. Choose something smaller, alright?”

It takes Harry a few moments to put one and one together. This kid just ran up to her, called her mommy and most likely not on accident since she answered him, very much talking to him like his mother. Though Harry can’t see his own face, he knows it fell, shock completely taking over him as his thoughts finally add up. Annalise looks back at him in panic, completely puzzled about what to do or say.

“Benji, go get another one, a smaller one while I talk to my friend here,” Annalise softly tells the boy.

He turns to Harry, eyes meeting his as he cocks his head to the side, examining the shocked adult standing in front of him.

“Who’s this?” he blurts out.

“Just a friend, alright? Go get your chocolate,” she urges. Benji gives Harry another look before nodding and running off, leaving them alone once again in the cereal aisle. “Harry, I-I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to know.”

“Are you married?” is his first question, taking her by surprise.

“What?”

“The father. Is he your husband?” he urges, eager to clear the picture. Annalise shakes her head.

“No, we were never even married.”

He feels relief washing over him. At least at this point he doesn’t feel like a homewrecker. If he found out she wasn’t only a mother but also married, and that she cheated on the dude with him, that would have crushed him. But it’s one less thing to worry about on a long list.

“Okay, it’s fine. You are not married, it’s all good,” he breathes out and it brings her a smile through this absurd situation.

“You thought I was married?”

“Or at least had a boyfriend, yeah,” he nods, hands on his hips as he licks his lips. He surely had a mini panic attack, but he can feel the life coming back into his body.

“Do I come off like the kind to cheat that easily?” she asks with raised eyebrows, but she didn’t take it as an offense, she more like finds it funny rather than hurtful.

“No, not at all! I was just trying to figure out why you rejected me and this was my best shot!”

“I’m sorry, Harry. I just… I didn’t know how to tell and I didn’t really think you would want to see me again after that night.”

“I think I made it clear that I wanted to when I asked for your number.”

“Well, yes, but I thought you just wanted a hookup and that’s just not what I can do.”

“Because of…” he gestures towards the boy that jolted down the aisle just a few minutes ago.

“Because of Benji, yeah.”

“Alright, it’s understandable, but I did not just want a hookup, and that’s still not what I want,” he clears, his words certainly surprising her. This is definitely not what she was expecting when she came down to get groceries today.

“Harry…” she breathes out, already feeling guilty that she is about to turn him down once again. “You can’t be serious.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a single mother with a six year-old and you are… you.”

“I don’t see your point,” he truthfully answers.

“I’m not some model you chatted up at some award show, who is living her best life, traveling the world just like you. My days consist of work, doing laundry, cleaning the house, cooking, doing first grade homework, going to football practice and watching cartoons. We are polar opposites.”

“No, just our lifestyles, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get closer.”

“Is that really what you want?”

Harry is about to answer right when Benji emerges again, proudly holding up a bar of KitKat in his hand this time.

“This one! This one!” he declares, stopping next to Annalise.

“Okay, put it in,” she nods and the little boy throws the chocolate into the cart with a beaming smile. Her eyes flicker back to Harry, who is now staring down at Benji, who is seemingly not that interested in him at the moment, his attention is more focused on the cereals on the shelves.

She is aware she can’t really push this conversation, but she also doesn’t want Benji to hear it.

“Benji, can you get me three apples? I’ll go get paper towels in the next aisle, alright?”

“Three?” he asks holding up three fingers to make sure he heard her right.

“Yes.”

Benji nods and runs off once again, while Annalise grabs a random box of cereal off the shelf and starts pushing her cart, Harry walking along with him.

“It’s nice that you want to prove that you are fine with whatever baggage I come with, but I’m not stupid, Harry. I know I’m not the jackpot and I’m not naïve, I’m not trying to make myself believe that I’m easy to date when I’m clearly not.”

“You act like you are the only single parent out in the dating field. I genuinely don’t think that it’s that big of a deal.”

“Yeah, that’s what you are saying now. But then we would get more involved, you’d grow frustrated that I can’t just go after you whenever you feel like it, or that I would have to cancel on plans because Benji is sick or has homework to do that he needs help with. Or that my Friday night consists of playing board games, then watching whatever cartoon Benji is keen on seeing and I’m in bed by ten while you probably spend these nights out with your friends, hopping from one bar to the other. And I’m not saying that you shouldn’t, that’s exactly what you should be doing at your age… at our age. But for me, it’s just different.”

She is not talking just out of theories. She has tried to date, several times, but it was always kind of doomed from the beginning. Men in their mid-twenties don’t want to be a stand-in dad, though it’s completely not what she expects. But as time went by, they all grew tired of having to deal with a kid in the relationship and they all ended up leaving and she can’t even blame them. It’s not what they want in life at this point, but she can’t be what they wanted her to be so slowly but surely she gave up on finding a man before she turns thirty and her peers start to get into the whole idea of having a family that’s already been her reality since she was eighteen.

And the situation is even more complicated with Harry. An international rockstar is definitely not the right person for her and vice versa. She can only imagine what some lowlifes would think when they found out he is dating a single mother. People can be cruel for no damn reason and she is definitely not in the right mindset to be humiliated just because she is a mother.

The two of them move down to the next aisle so she can grab the paper towels along with some dish soap. Harry is keen on making her understand that he is still very much interested and he has nothing against her being a mother. It was just a little shocking to find out this way, instead of hearing about it from her.

“I think you have an unreasonable picture in your head of what my life is like,” he explains. “Yes, I do travel a lot and I go to parties, but it’s not what I do most in life. And I’m not expecting you to turn your whole life around for me.”

“Yeah, but dating me is kind of me asking you to turn your whole life around for us,” she simply says and he is stunned at her words, having nothing to bring up against them. “Look,” she sighs. “I appreciate the effort and everything, but I want to save you the time, just like I originally wanted to. I know that it seems reasonable now, but once you get involved, it’s a whole different world, I’m telling you. And while I would love to give you the chance to prove me wrong, I still have to think about Benji. I can’t just drag someone into his life and then have them leave when they figure out it’s not what they want after all. He needs stability around him and it’s enough that he can’t get that from his father.”

Harry has a million questions roaming in his head that he is dying to ask. Mostly about the father, because if he is not in the picture, he can’t imagine what kind of scumbag he is for leaving someone like her. But he keeps them all to himself, especially when Benji appears again with the three apples, putting them into the cart with a proud smile. The boy turns to Harry this time, finally acknowledging his presence.

“Who are you?” he asks. Harry looks down at him and pushes everything else into the back of his mind as he hunches down a bit, holding out his hand for the boy, a friendly smile playing on his lips.

“I’m Harry, your mum’s friend. Nice to meet you.”

The boy doesn’t hesitate to take his right held out, his small hand almost getting lost in Harry’s big palm as they shake hands like two adults. Harry is stunned by how confident he is, unlike most kids his age.

“I’m Benjamin Lloyd,” the boy introduces himself smiling and Harry can see the resemblance now clearer than anything. His smile is certainly his mother’s and the shape of his eyes along with his chin are the exact same as Annalise’s, leaving only a few traits that must have been inherited from his father.

Benjamin lets go of Harry’s hand and turns back to his mother completely unbothered by the man he just met.

“Mum, are we staying on the playground a little?” he asks as they all move down the aisle, heading to the cash register.

“Uh, yeah, we can stay for a little, but you need to do homework when we get home. Mrs. Conrad sent me all the work you missed today so we have to catch up on everything. You got away with faking sickness this morning, but you are doing the work you missed.”

Benji doesn’t fuss about having to do work, he knew this would happen when he faked to have a tummy ache, he nods understanding the importance of doing his homework and Harry is amazed by how great his behavior is. Most kids his age would have thrown a tantrum over what Annalise just said, but not Benji. He is like a small adult, Harry thinks.

“I honestly don’t see why you still have to push me away completely. Did you not enjoy talking with me?” Harry continues as they stand in line, Annalise putting everything to the belt from the cart while Benji is busy playing around the poles that separate the lines.

“Of course I did!” she sighs.

“So then why can’t we just continue? See where it goes?”

“Because that’s just not how things work for me,” she says with a soft, sad chuckle.

“What, you can’t have friends?” Harry asks innocently as Annalise finishes packing, puts a divider on the belt so Harry can put his items behind hers.

“Oh, so you just want to be friends?” she asks raising her eyebrows, seeing through him easily. Harry opens his mouth, but then closes, a cheeky smile stretching across her face that makes her chuckle.

“For now, yeah?” he tries to sound convincing, but it’s more of a joke.

The cashier starts to scan her items so she pushes the cart over to the end and starts packing everything back, Benji still climbing on the poles, completely oblivious to the conversation happening around him, or he just chooses not to listen.

“You are unbelievable,” she shakes her head at the man in the line. The cashier finishes up with her items and she taps her card on the terminal, pushing the cart away a little.

Harry is scared that she’ll flee the moment she gets the receipt and leaves before she could go after her, but for his biggest surprise, she just pushes the cart a little away from the cash register and starts packing her items into totebags. Benji runs up to her and she gives him his KitKat without a word, the boy happily tearing the packaging open, snacking on the chocolate.

Harry is quick to finish with his items, catching up with Annalise as the three of them head out of the supermarket.

“Look, I’m gonna be honest with you, I haven’t felt like this with anyone in a long time, Lis. I loved talking to you, I feel like we had a connection, and I think you felt it too. I would hate to waste whatever we had so I’m offering you my friendship. I want to hang out, spend time with you, just as two adults enjoying each other’s company. Nothing more, if that’s what you really want for now. And we can see where it heads later. How does that sound?”

They reach her car and Benji runs to the backseat, tearing the door open while Annalise opens the trunk and she is surprised to see Harry help her pack her bags into the car, but she doesn’t protest.

“I really don’t know…” she sighs.

“Come on! Just friends. Give it a try! I have a great feeling about it and I promise to be very careful. I understand that you need boundaries because of Benji and I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable in any way. But you do have to realize that you need to open up at one point. You can’t use him as an excuse forever.”

“I’m not using him as an excuse!” she points out, but she can feel how that’s not the whole truth.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Lis,” Harry smirks, pulling his phone out of his coat’s pocket and unlocking it he holds it out for her once she has closed the trunk. “I’m just asking for your phone number, not to travel the world with me. You can decide to block me later if you change your mind, it’s nothing serious, alright?”

Annalise’s hesitation is clearer than the light and in any other case, he would take offence at it, but not with her. Harry is keen on proving to her that he meant everything he said and that he is willing to take a chance with her.

Chewing on the inside of her cheeks, she glances back at Benji, who has climbed into his seat in the back of the car. She is fighting with herself, bringing up all pros and contras until she finally caves in. Grabbing the phone from Harry’s hand she types her number in and gives herself a ring so she can save his number as well. She hands the device back and Harry’s smile is so wide, she almost wants to punch him in the face, but she can also feel the excitement running through her veins.

“Great. You won’t regret it, Lis,” Harry beams shoving his phone back into his pocket. His hand reaches for her arm and gives it a gentle squeeze as he doesn’t want to try anything further with her at the moment.

“I better not,” she mumbles shaking her head before turning around to buckle Benji in. When that’s done she pays one last glance at Harry who stands at the car next to hers, watching her get behind the wheel and back out from her spot. He waves at her happily and she just nods in his way before turning around the car and driving away.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!” Harry rages through the phone, his anger only met with a soft chuckle from Griff on the other end of the call.

“Mate, I told ya, s’not my place! She didn’t tell ya, so I didn’t either.”

“You saw how hooked I was on her! You could have, no, no… you should have told me!”

Harry was quick to run back to the studio and called Griff right away to load everything out on him. He felt betrayed that his friend didn’t let him know this small little detail even after seeing him all crushed after she left without a trace to find her. He gets his reasoning, he does, but it still doesn’t stop him from being so bloody mad at his mate.

“Sorry! I really am sorry! But I know how protective she is over Benji. I was not gonna betray her like tha’.”

Harry takes a deep breath, paying up and down the hallway in the studio, trying his best to calm his nerves. It’s an unfortunate situation as a whole, he sees that clearly, but the frustration how it had to go down at the end is getting the best out of him for sure. He is not mad at one specific person, because everyone was doing what they thought to be the best, but everything added up to be such a shitty outcome, or at least on Harry’s side.

Pinching the bridge of his nose he huffs again, putting aside his burning emotions.

“Okay, okay. Sorry to snap at you like that, it was just… a lot.”

“I get it, don’ worry about it,” Griff assures him, glasses clinking behind him somewhere, he is probably working at the pub as they are speaking. “She gave ya her number now, right?”

“Yeah, she didn’t want to, but I talked her ears off,” Harry chuckles lowly. He could still feel the excitement that rushed through him when she finally gave in.

“M’happy for ya, mate. But please be bloody careful. She doesn’t need any shit right now, has enough on her plate.”

“I know. I’m just trying to be her friend first, that’s all.”

“Alright. Swing by the pub sometime soon, if ya want.”

“Sure thing. Bye Griff,” Harry smiles before ending the call.

Walking back into the recording room, all eyes snap up to him and he stops in his track.

“What?”

“The hell was that about?” Sarah questions, asking in the name of everyone in the room. They all just heard his rage outside and now are dying to know what it was about.

“I uhh—I found her,” he simply says and watches all his bandmates gawk back at him with wide eyes.

“What? Did you like, hire a private investigator or something?” Charlotte asks, making Harry chuckle as he shakes his head no.

“No, I ran into her at Tesco. Well, her and her… son.”

His last word washes out the whole room, everyone stops breathing for a moment as they stare back at Harry who has that ‘yeah, you heard me right’ look on his face.

“A son?” Mitch asks snapping out of his shock. “Like a proper kid?”

“How do you not have a proper kid?” Harry asks him with a look.

“I don’t know! I’m just… surprised. How old is the kid?”

“Like six or seven. She said something about being a first grader.”

“Didn’t you say she is a year younger than you?” Sarah asks, as everyone is doing the silent math in their head.

“She is, with one year. Or that’s what she told me.”

“That makes her, what, like eighteen when she had the kid? And what about the father?” Charlotte trails, still trying hard to put the picture together.

“She didn’t say much, but from what I understood, he is not really in the picture. So at least she is not married or something,” Harry adds, still open about the relief he is feeling about that information.

“This shit is twisted,” Sarah huffs. “So what’s gonna happen now? Did you ask for her number again?”

“Ask?” Harry chuckles bitterly. “I begged, Sarah. I was ready to be on my knees in the middle of a bloody Tesco.”

A round of laughter runs through the room and the mood finally eases a little after the shock that just set in. It wasn’t the fact that Annalise had a son that sent everyone over the edge, but rather that she didn’t say a single word about it and how it all surfaced.

“And did she give it to you?” Mitch prompts and Harry nods, a shy smile stretching on his lips as the two girls start clapping and cheering.

They all saw his long face after New Year’s Eve, it couldn’t be missed how he was moping around for weeks. He told them all about this girl he met, who completely blew his mind just before breaking his heart. Now that she was found and gave him just a small crumble of information about her to him that makes him able to contact her, the change is visible. That little sparkle in his eyes is back and that’s all his friends wanted to see.

“So what are you gonna do now?” Sarah asks as Harry walks over to one of the armchairs and makes himself comfortable.

“Now… I’ll try not to scare her off. Hopefully she won’t push me away and at least let me be her friend.”

“Friend? Is that what you want to be?”

“Of course not,” he sighs, his head dropping to the back of the armchair. “But this is all I can do for now.”

They all just nod, tasting his words and letting everything that just happened sink in. Harry is doing the same, he has a lot to think about and figure out, but there’s one thing he is one hundred percent sure about: he will not give up on Annalise.

NEXT PART

TAGLIST

let me know if you’d like to be added or taken off!

@stylesfics-xx @dontworrysunflower @mariamuses @bookwormandtea

#harry #harry styles #styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles au #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles series #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles x oc #harry styles serendipity #harry styles serendipity series #serendipity series #serendipity

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captainseamech · 3 years ago

Note

[4, 8, and 9?]

Questions for muns

8. do you expect your answered memes/asks to be turned into threads? regardless of answer, what’s your reasoning?

In my opinion I think it depends on what kind of meme/ask. But in general, I don't expect much about most of the time because well... either I just end up writing a drabble whenever it's a prompt/starter or, in case someone turns the ask into a thread, I don't feel like going further with that topic. Again, it depends of my muse and my inspiration at the time, but most of the time I keep my expectations low.

9. when you look at a new blog, what is it that makes you press the follow button? is it the muse, the aesthetics, the writing–?

Being honest with you, I'm what people calls 'your friendly neighbor' so I try to go and support as many new rpers as I see and can! Of course I do look at things like rules page, about character and if the person tags their posts accordingly. But yeah if I see a possible interaction with our muses in general, I gently slap that follow button and even offer some help if they need!

//okay so... I replied to these out of order because question number 4 accidentally turned into a ramble of mine, which is of course under cut. There's a very small f.naf mention in the first paragraph but you can safely skip to the second one if so desired.

———————

4. which muse of yours is your all time favorite? if you stopped writing them: why?

Well I mean, I have quite a good variety of muses (not counting with my deadass multi) but in general, I love all of my babies equally! But I do have a certain muse that I had some fun for a while which is M.onty from F.naf, I sadly stopped writing him because the fandom kind of... killed him for me because they kept calling the character a villain etc etc (which is just because of a stupid theory curse you MatPat) and... yeah.

But to keep myself within the fandom of this blog, High Tide has been my very first muse for years now. I love that we kind of grow together and I learned to write more about him occasionally, but his muse is... kind of quiet all of a sudden. I mean sure it happened before and that led me to dip from the internet for like, 2 years. Sure it can happen again but I have to say that I have a small concern that his muse goes radio silent again all of a sudden because I do want to write him with my mutuals, being them old or new, but my scaredy ahh keeps making me think that I intervene or ask for too much attention. Not to mention the fact that people constantly annoying my mutuals because of my 'main ship' (even though I declared myself multi-ship) saying that he'd probably steal a different ship's partner is just... yeah. Demotivating not gonna lie.

Not to mention that I feel like my headcanons are unintentionally forcing people to follow that part of what imagined of his canon (like saying that he was friends with TFP Megatronus in his Gladiator era for example) and this... sort of counts as god-modding for me and I honestly don't want people to feel forced to follow my canon. That's why I mostly do silly headcanons regarding his actions or his daily routine instead of going too deep with his backstory because I have this sense that a secondary/background character shouldn't have that much lore in a single rp blog. I rarely bring his lore up for the reasons mentioned before sooo yeah I think that's why I stopped writing him that often, even though I love him dearly and I'd do anything for him...

And I also feel like I make him way overpowered strength wise, another reason why I never brought the topic about his full strength up in public. Anons are probably just waiting for me to make an 'OP move' with him to start their ramblings or saying that I'm unfair. That's why I almost never do fighting threads, I know that I may or may not have done High Tide extremely strong and I don't want people to come here and say that I'm buffing him up. Not to mention the rare instances of me mentioning his gladiator arc and almost immediately regretting bringing this up.

I feel like he's slooooowly going inactive again, but that's part of life I guess. If he does go inactive, I may try to go absolutely radio silent about his past and even discard the headcanons about him being a gladiator, his strength and all and just keep the trauma of having to lose his partners since they're somewhat close to canon giving the nature of the whole franchise.

#🛳 | outside the ship / ooc #✉ | better be important / asks #📱 | stuck in my datapad / mobile posting #copterbotblades

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armysantiny · 4 years ago

Text

A Rose For You - YS

Pairing: Yeosang x male reader || Ateez

Genre: fluff, some angst, oneshot

Includes: historical au, Prince!Yeosang, florist!reader, Lord!Wooyoung, Wooyoung mention, birth flowers, bouquets, tea, hanbok, delegation, threat of treason, diplomacy

Word count: 1.82k

Warning: treason mention

Rating: PG I think?

Networks: @kwritersworld, @kdiarynet, @kpopscape, @ultkpopnetwork, @kpopficsnetwork, @k-dinernet, @lovesick-net, @whipped-kpop-creators, @prism-nw, @k-library, @8makes1teamnet, @ateezlovenet

Tagging: @teeztheflag, @intokook, @cherry-hyejin, @softforqiankun, @6yus || Taglist Form

Summary: Y/n enjoys bringing fresh flowers to the prince every morning, arranging each bouquet as a surprise. Faced with questions about his feelings about y/n once he learns the meaning of the bouquet brings him, Yeosang doesn’t know how to respond, and y/n can’t bare the embarrassment. Until the Crown Prince braves the worries in his heart and eases y/n’s mind.

An: Happy late birthday zodiac twin lol

Being the royal florist was an honour not many had the privilege of obtaining. And y/n was that lucky man.

A bouquet every morning, freshly picked and to be hand tied. Y/n had done it without fail for the better part of three years for the prince, and that morning was no different. The florist making his way to Yeosang’s private quarters with the bouquet in hand, bowed in respect as he greeted the passing guards. The same hallways, the same guards; Yeosang really hadn’t changed since y/n had first been employed. Perhaps that was what started the blossoming love in the florists’ heart; a love that stayed hidden behind the meanings of the flowers he prepared for the Crown Prince.

A knock at the door alerted the young prince, his attention drawn away from looking out of his window and towards the bright male at the door, a fresh bouquet of flowers in hand. In the time he had grown to know y/n, Yeosang thought he had learned what the meanings of each bouquet brought to him were. But with a grateful smile that was tinged with a confused curiosity, the prince was drawing a blank. Were these a new species? Crossing his legs as he took a seat at his table, Yeosang watched as y/n set the flowers in a vase, an unnamed longing in his eyes.

“I see you have awoken earlier than usual, your highness,” Y/n remarked as he accepted Yeosang’s invitation to sit with him. “It is a fine morning, were you planning on travelling to the lake?”

Yeosang simply shook his head, pouring the tea into their cups, “If that was the case, I‘d have invited you to join me, y/n-ssi, believe me. Instead, I must deal with diplomatic issues; there have been rumours of treason in the lands ruled over by the Kims. I fear it will be a long few days of military and diplomatic planning to discuss what to do next.” There was a sigh; a familiar sigh that y/n had grown to dislike. Yeosang wasn’t the type to crack under pressure, but to get absorbed in his duties. Too absorbed. Taking a sip of the tea as he listened to the news, y/n couldn’t help but let his mind wander. If the Crown Prince was put under this much stress before taking the throne from his father, what would he face as Emperor? Unbeknownst to the royal florist, his features had started to downturn, something Yeosang was quick to notice. Not wishing to see the concern in y/n’s eyes as a result of his words any longer, the young prince looked around the space to find another topic of conversation, his eyes landing on the morning’s flower arrangement.

“Uhm, anyway- tell me about the meaning behind today’s bouquet. I have not since today seen this flora. A new species, perhaps?” As the last question left his lips, Yeosang swore there was a weight lifted off of his chest once y/n’s smile had found its place once again.

Setting his now empty cup back on the ornate table and excusing himself for a moment, a jog in his steps as he went over to the vase, taking but two flowers out of the arrangement. Returning to his seat, y/n placed both flowers in front of him for the Crown Prince’s viewing.

“I had these flowers delivered especially for your viewing pleasure, my lord~. Dark red carnations and the flower of your birth month, honeysuckle. It is nearing your birthday, I thought you’d want to observe your birth flower.” Y/n explained, a twinge of hope as he rounded off his words. Intrigued, Yeosang leaned in closer, his head resting between his hands.

“And the carnations?” He’d seen y/n present carnations plenty of times beforehand, the flower was nothing new; it was the shade of carnations that Yeosang was unfamiliar with. A shade he had only seen among portraits of lovers. A moment went by after the Prince’s question, and there was still silence. Drawing his attention away from gazing at the flowers in front of him, Yeosang’s eyes met y/n’s. There was a hesitation in the young florist’s eyes, his face heating with an embarrassed flush as he tried to find the right words. Clearing his throat, y/n spoke, praying his words wouldn’t be misunderstood.

“Dark red carnations mean deep love and affection, my lord. I wanted to give this to you personally.” It was silent for a moment, Yeosang’s eyes widening with an emotion he had never experienced before. But the lack of a reply left y/n’s heart heavy. Y/n’s eyes quivered, faint tears welling up as he started to regret the choice to convey his feelings for Yeosang through flowers, the embarrassment crushing his chest. Confessing? What was y/n thinking? A royal florist, being in a relationship with the Crown Prince? It was ridiculous. Collecting the flowers in a hurry and profusely apologizing, y/n put them back in their place and excused himself, leaving the prince alone in his quarters, confused at exactly what had just happened.

Each day following that event went by more or less the same; y/n would greet the Prince, display the bouquet and excuse himself. No conversations over tea in the morning, confident smiles exchanged for stolen glances - it was clear to everyone working at the palace, even the Prince himself, that there was something wrong with the royal florist. It bothered Yeosang, keeping his mind occupied as he went about with official duties. Despite the urgent need to secure loyalty and avoid the possibility of treason in his and his allies’ kingdoms, Yeosang found himself wondering just what was wrong with his royal florist. His worries hadn’t ceased, not even when Lord Jung arrived at the palace with his delegation for a royal visit.

“...As I was saying, we must hold a competition for our best soldiers-” stopping when he realised Yeosang had been staring into his cup, Wooyoung chuckled, “Yeosang-ssi, are you listening?”

“...Oh? Ah - my apologies, I was lost in thought for a moment; there’s been something plaguing my mind recently.” The Prince explained, an apologetic smile on his face as he set the cup down, forcing a ‘relaxed’ expression as he motioned for his confidant and ally to continue with what was on his mind. However, Wooyoung wasn’t convinced in the slightest, a raise in his brow and a knowing smirk on his face.

“What is it..?”

“You must have forgotten, Prince Yeosang, that we have known each other since we were mere adolescents. I know that look; I’ve seen it before.” Wooyoung mused, calling for his tea to be refilled. The tea refilled, Wooyoung continued, “So tell me, dear friend; who is the person occupying your thoughts? You don’t behave like this often.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Long after Wooyoung and his delegation had left Yeosang’s kingdom, his parting words had not gone forgotten by the Crown Prince, who watched the river flow from inside the walls of his private quarters. Arms lightly folded as he observed the view in front of his eyes, his attention was drawn to a figure crouched by the flowing stream, hair falling around his shoulders. It took a moment - no longer - for the Prince to recognise who it was, his features brightening into a soft smile as he watched y/n enjoy the weather that day. Even if he didn’t know just what it was, simply watching y/n put Yeosang’s heart at ease, the florist’s presence bringing unintentional smiles to the royal’s face. Catching himself smiling, Yeosang set about making his way to the river’s edge, joining the florist’s company.

In his own world, y/n hadn’t realised that he was no longer alone until he zoned back in from his focused state, tilting his head at the shadow that was blocking the sun. Slowly turning his head and looking up, his mouth hung open as he was frozen in place.

“It would be wise if you closed your mouth, dear y/n. My appearance isn’t that shocking, is it?” The Prince teased, stifling an amused grin as he watched y/n scramble to his feet, dusting his hanbok before bowing a full 90 degrees. Stopping y/n by holding onto the florist’s shoulder, he shook his head, indicating for the older male to stand up straight.

“My sincerest apologies your highness, I didn’t mean to- of course not, you’re-” a hand held out to stop the brunet from rambling on further - not that he disliked it, but there was something Yeosang wanted y/n to see. Holding an expectant hand out, the Prince pulled the florist with him, no words exchanged until they had arrived at their location. A conservatory, tucked away behind the vast gardens of the palace.

If y/n thought that he had seen everything there was in the palace grounds, seeing the conservatory proved that wrong very quickly. The conservatory was unlike he had ever seen; gold, emerald and lapis encasing the structure, jade vines twirled around the supports. It was beautiful, seats decorated in the finest material. As the florist slowly sat down, his eyes finally landed on the bouquet of carnations. Dark red carnations...the flowers of deep love and admiration.

As Yeosang watched the florist look between himself and the bouquet displayed on the table in front of them, the words he wished to say were being revised; an error would throw off his plans.

“Your highness...you know what these flowers represent, what have you brought me here for?”

“I imagine you want an answer to your subtle confession?”

“That...that would be appreciated,” as much as y/n wanted an answer, the florist had made his own assumption a while ago, “but I do understand; I’m just a royal florist, you’re the Crown Prince. Nothing can come out of this-”

“Y/n, you know I don’t appreciate assumptions. Hear me out first. I will admit that I don’t know how best to describe what my feelings towards you are, but your presence puts me at ease; it’s a pleasant feeling, and I don’t want it to change.” Taking a breath, Yeosang continued, “I want you to stay by my side. Can you do that for me?”

It was quiet in the conservatory, the florist processing the Prince’s words, a soft smile on his face as the realisation hit him. His eyes gleaming with a new sense of hope, y/n nodded, hesitant hands hovering over Yeosang’s own. With the Crown Prince’s approval, y/n held Yeosang’s hands in his own, his smile igniting a smile from the male in front of him.

“I’ll be glad to stay by your side, your highness. It’d be my honour.”

Flowers hold so much meaning, don’t they?

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