#= threads

[agentbilliard]

open to everyone. assume connections. or don't. saint is too bedevilled by artistic differences and advertisements for $500 xylophone tuners to care.

saint is aware of his assets. his terms, his conditions, how and why they are continuously rented to sheds made of subtextual shreds by his sisters. as evidenced by the dare program’s generational failures set to crimson brush fonts, however, awareness is bootless if not accompanied by action. so he has taken action, taken the financial x-intercept of his undefined wallet and pushed the slope to negative infinity with his first purchased instrument. in the understandable yet disappointing absence of a mission more challenging than not getting in the way of anyone else's missions, he has taken leave on the basis of mental health. during this leave, which has lasted a handful more hours than intended given that the one with hands holding the hours was one of the three hecatoncheires, he has done anything but become more mentally healthy. instead, he has bought a xylophone attached to a fanny pack, a metronome, a little league cap with the lettering of the dare program and a stench that suggests no action was taken there, either, and a tragic sort of rainbow recorder. and then he bumps into someone who makes him spit the recorder into the fanny pack portion of the xylophone. someone fated to be his first fatality, he decides, from the sheer brilliance of his latest branding scheme.

“i need you.” coming on with the strength of a malnourished feather, there, saint. do not merely grab their attention. seize it until cognitive muscles burst, macerate it with a voice modulated for the lecture hall, sip it with a smile worthy of a cerberus spokesperson. he does not make eye contact, of course. the limit does exist to that function. 

“this is my theme song. rights will sell for billions of dollars. i will get a voluptuously figured–” he chokes on his own words. mirth or la muerte? audience interpretation is appreciated. “sorry. my sister airdropped me these manifestations on the subway. how did this go again? red, blue, orange, yellow…”

in a key yet to be acknowledged by any voice in the history of music, he taps on the xylophone and belts the following: “agent billiard is your friend. agent billiard will make bad guys meet their end. not to say bad people cannot include women. bad people is who agent billiard will apprehend. agent billiard does not condescend. agent billiard can advise you on stock dividends.”

a moment of silence, the purpose of which is undecided. saint clears his throat. "thoughts?"

[soracities]

"Absolutely no one comes to save us but us."

Ismatu Gwendolyn, "you've been traumatized into hating reading (and it makes you easier to oppress)", from Threadings, on Substack [ID'd]

[itsliyahhbih]

Fat nuggets’ thread 🩷🖤

[ahotknife]

i will never stop being 6 years old and lonely. i will never stop being 11 years old and lonely. i will never stop being 19 years old and lonely. i will never stop

[troythecatfish]

[faranae]

I love Reddit sometimes.

[teathattast]

Wake up babe new fish dropped

[willofasherah]

seeing everyone just mindlessly sign up for threads despite all the clear warning signs feels like I’m living in Sailor Moon or a magical girl anime episode where the Monster of the Day just set up shop over night and their product is literally draining your lifeforce for the Dark Kingdom but people keep going there

[bi-hop]

we are literally so back, picky eater fans of dungeon meshi

[victusinveritas]

[wewontbesleeping]

the weirdest fucking thing to me is how men will be like "it's so hard being a man. no one cares that i'm sad. the loneliness we experience could NEVER be understood by a woman" and then also be like "btw i never talk to my friends and i don't know their names and i love hanging out with men because they don't talk about their stupid emotions all the time. women could never understand a bond like this." like ???

[archerdepartures116]

Ill post this au( inspired by tweet above) i started on my twt on Tumblr too

First part

more comic panels below

Second part

Third part

Fourth part

Shenanigans side extra

this is currently an ongoing series, if this does well here, I will continue posting these in bulk (～￣▽￣)～

for more frequent uploads, you can follow my twitter at ArcherD116, feel free to ask me ab this au and give your suggestions!

[troythecatfish]

[8pxl]

an example of real pixel art and explaining the pixel grid:

Thread on how to spot AI generated pixels by reyhkibanki on twitter!~ Might be a useful read to help you spot common mistakes AI makes when generating pixels. There's also a lot more info in the link!!

[ceasarslegion]

Being the only guy who works in a beauty store is fucking hilarious sometimes. Im the only one who can sell our shitty beard shampoo and a not insignificant amount of our customers think im untrustworthy. According to my coworkers i use every mens product we have so they can get dudes to buy a shaving cream. Trying to explain to people that theres no difference between "men's" and "women's" products is like talking to a brick wall. Ive had multiple women get angry with me for sampling them out one of our "men's" moisturizers when they specifically said they wanted a mattifying one to control oil and that's the best one we have for those two things. I still think about the guy who came in asking if we had "masks for men." I contemplate ending it all every time someone returns a completely unused product that they absolutely refuse to try just because it either says or doesnt say "for men" on it. 90% of the time its the perfect product for them. I had a lady who was willing to buy a worse product for her needs that was more expensive just so it wouldnt say it was for men. Are you ever tired? Are you ever exhausted? These are the same kinds of people who say that im the one whos obsessed with gendering everything because im trans.

[teathattast]

ignore it and you will still have the best year ever bc you deserve beautiful things