#[CRACK]

[frownyalfred]

a post patrol report on the Manor back steps, observed by Bruce Wayne:

Dick: yeah so I found Jason on my way back home from patrol—

Jason, who’s been chain smoking since Dick put him down: you didn’t find me. I flagged you down.

Dick: because you were in a trash can and couldn’t get out.

Jason: are you — oh my god, I’m too hungover for this shit.

Dick: you’re not hungover, you’re concussed.

Jason, blowing smoke everywhere: same thing

Dick: NO. not the same thing!

[maxtermind]

Texting them “i killed someone” RELAX it’s just an ant she named Anthony or something

texting your f1 boyfriend 'i killed someone'

( texts masterlist \ main masterlist \ drop a request ) ★ : feat :: max verstappen, lewis hamilton, carlos sainz, charles leclerc, lando norris, oscar piastri ★ : genre :: crack ★ : a/n :: was supposed to start posting the carlos series from next week but i want to sit on it a lil bit more </3

©maxtermind // do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platforms.

[two-white-butterflies]

★ — imgonnagetyouback | max verstappen

Description: Max ends the relationship with a phone-call.

Pairing: actress!reader/max verstappen

Disclaimer: Everything written in this fanfic holds no truth about anyone's personality or actions. It is made purely for entertainment.

A/N: everything i do used to be inspired by the 2014 ver. grimes. reader is unhinged as her, but gets development in the end!! THIS IS AN ODE TO THE "MONSTER" TITLED FIC I READ ABOUT LEE PACE.

"Let's break up."

Let's break up.

You could still hear the aftertaste of his voice on your ears. How nonchalant he sounded while denying a relationship of seven years. Why was he quick to leave? Did he find someone else?

You sniffled, wiping your snot with a tissue on your right.

I'm gonna get revenge.

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yourname: me, the dogs and @edmundquandt

liked by 728,391 others

>comments

maxversworldargentina: huh isn't she dating max? did u break up?

reversethismess: Who is he?

victoriaverstappen: ❤️

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Y/N L/N AND FORMULA ONE DRIVER, MAX VERSTAPPEN CONFIRM THEIR BREAKUP.

Yesterday UMG Inc. Agency released a statement to SSN confirming the breakup between Y/N L/N and her Formula One boyfriend.

The pair began to date each other in 2017, where Verstappen was accepted into Toro Rosso and Redbull Racing. They have been together for 7 years and have been dubbed as the most iconic couple in the Formula One paddocks.

Rumors between the two splitting emerged late March, however the couple affirmed that they were still dating each other. On December, however the netizens were greeted with radio silence.

According to L/N's team: the breakup was mutually agreed upon, as they grew apart from all the travelling required for their job.

>comments

grills93: I can't make it go away by making you a villain, I guess it's the price I pay for seven years in heaven.

lnworld: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND HER NEW INSTA POST WITH EDMUND???? NOOOOOOO

carshfo: she defo cheated with edmund bcs no way lol

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Max's pulse was racing at the sight of you around another man's arms. Seeing your arms wrapped around his shoulders, leaning into him for balance as you laughed at a joke that wasn't funny at all. "- and then we found out that there wasn't a building in the hotel with those rooms." Edmund finished his joke.

By that time, you were already laughing uncontrollably.

Max clenched his jaw.

A piece of his heart regretted breaking up with you.

"Control yourself mate, he's a big investor." Yuri reminds.

Max didn't give a flying fuck. He didn't own any Redbull stocks. He's a good driver, this Edmund Quandt has nothing on him. His features only soften once he remembered the reason why he broke up with you. He wanted to focus more on his career. He wanted to test the pond for more fish.

He needed upgrades on his car.

Fuck.

He needed to chafe his knees for this guy.

"Funnily enough, when I was in Texas I had a similar encounter. I knew exactly what to do." Edmund placed a hand on the small of your back. Max prevents his eyelids from twitching.

Charles smiles, showing the crowd his dimpled cheeks. Charles always had the ability to charm other people. He was perfect, and now he's friends with Mr. Quandt whom he only met.

"I'm sorry for asking this Edmund, but are you two...?" Charles paused, allowing the other man to fill in the blanks. Edmund smiles - pearly white teeth and a godly physique.

Max doesn't fail to observe the glance that Edmund gives you, a look that asked for your permission.

"We're dating each other, for a month now - but we're still testing the waters." you chuckled, ignoring the presence of your ex-boyfriend despite his figure melancholily staring at you.

"I just want to put a ring on her." Edmund admits.

The other people fade into the background.

"My father always says, give her a ring with a big diamond so she won't be able to see how much of a monster you are." he teased.

"You're not a monster." your eyebrows merged into each other.

Max wanted to punch the air.

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yournamepriv: i love this big baby 🥺 @e123456

liked by 92

>comments

haileybeiber: i love this for u omgg

sophierichiegrange: So cute ❤️🥺

e123456: You got my good side! - yournamepriv: Ur good side is 360 degs

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Max takes a deep breath. Again.

You forgot to remove him as a mutual in your private account. And he was greeted by a picture of you kissing Edmund Quandt. His mind raced through a million different thoughts. Regret, anger, resentment - but they were mostly filled of regret.

He didn't appreciate what he got, and now it's gone.

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maxandynfanbase: do you get deja vu? 😭

liked by lewishamilton and 72,192 others

>comments

mercyplease9: EDMUND IS SO TALL??

ohnoaosd9: lewis we can see u 💀

holyhell1: i like pic 2 more

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yourname: visited some mangrove swamps with this big baby. 🥺your integrity makes me seem small... #savethemangroves tagged: edmundquandt

liked by maxverstappen, lewishamilton and 1,283,923 others

taylorswift: You and Edmund have the KINDEST heart. - yourname: thanks taytay i wanna see u and trav here next time - taylorswift: Will do! I'll tell you when my schedule clears up. - yourname: love u ❤️

haileybeiber: We love a momma who cares

sophierichiegrange: <3

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"I can't believe she's out there helping the fucking mangroves." Max places his phone on the couch.

He couldn't believe your sudden change in tune, that drastic of a change to come from someone like you? "She used to complain being in the EU because it meant not using plastic straws." he breathed, still choosing to believe that you were like him.

Still the same crazy. Still the same stupid.

"She's really being fake for him." he shook his head.

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yourname: i totes know how to play 🎾 this friday we're having an event for all the young racecar drivers that unfortunately can't afford to pursue the sport. all proceeds will go to @bmwfoundationsports and the @grandprixtrust !!

liked by edmundquandt and 1,283,912 others

>comments

edmundquandt: ❤️

CharlesLeclerc: Will be in attendance. 🫡

oracleredbullracing: We love a Queen with a good heart

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maxverstappenupdates: Max Verstappen in @bmwfoundationsports and @grandprixtrust.

liked by kellypiquet and 23,392 others

>comments

youalloverme: HE LOOKS SO SAD...

maxismybf: Hadnsumm

posyposie: wondering if a dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life

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He takes another sip of his whiskey, forgetting about the cameras that snapped his figure left and right. There were a million things he wanted to say to you, but he wanted to start with a question.

"I never imagined seeing you change yourself for a guy." he scoffed.

You turned around with your eyebrows raised. Flabbergasted at his insinuation. "Change myself?" you repeated the word, finding it to be hilarious on his tongue.

"The whole save the earth, save the kids thing - you don't care about that. I understand though, money is money and your boyfriend has a lot of that." Max allowed the alcohol to speak in his behalf.

"You don't have the right to talk about me or my integrity. You abandoned me, remember?" you argued, feeling anger pulse through your veins.

Since he left, you tried to make yourself better.

"When I was with you, we were both horrible people. Quite literally the rich people cliche that we promised not to become. I guess you were right, we weren't growing together - and now I've become a better person without you - all because of Edmund." you gritted your teeth, grabbing the champagne on the table before the media realized that the 'ex-lovers' were talking to each other.

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(PRE-EDMUND QUANDT.)

I'm gonna get revenge.

That night you planned to ruin his chance at winning by exposing a flaw in the car that would allow the other drivers to overtake him. A button outside of the car - with the engineers that could remotely turn off a key engine that allowed his car to move faster.

He told you about it because driving at that speed endangers his life, and if you were the only one in the administration panel that knew about it - he made it your duty to push that button.

You grabbed your laptop, sneaking inside the garage. "What are you doing?" a voice emerged from behind you, and you momentarily stopped with the program.

You turned around - only to be greeted with your ex-boyfriend, Edmund Quandt. A man that your parents adored. A man whom everyone thought was going to become your husband, and he was here - behind you. Looking at you.

"Just grabbing my things, I won't be here anymore." you lied. Despite your obvious lie, he chose to give you the benefit of the doubt. He always kinda chose to see the better side of a person, rather than thinking the worst of them first.

"Oh why is that?" he asked with a smile. "Because of things..." you evaded the question - not wanting to rant about your other ex-boyfriend that broke up with you because of a phone call.

"Are you done with grabbing your things?" his eyes narrowed.

"Oh yeah." you breathed.

You had to evade your plan of revenge.

"Do you want to grab some coffee?" he offered.

"Of course."

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Max Verstappen I'm really sorry for doing that. Must be all the Whiskey I drank 😅

Y/N L/N Drunk actions are sober thoughts, Max

Max Verstappen I still shouldn't have confronted you It's just really weird seeing you post things like save the turtles, donate to the kids we never gave a fuck about those 😆

Y/N L/N Yeah, I didn't care about them But now I do We used to be the same but now we aren't

Max Verstappen ?

Y/N L/N You broke up with me because you wanted to focus on your career Because all you care about is money and success We both got stuck on that We didn't see the value in other things When we broke up, Edmund brought me back to earth Opened my eyes to the privilege we've been granted

Y/N L/N Take this as a warning Max The high life isn't gonna last forever

*blocked*

[mingyus-blackcard]

ੈ✩‧blind girl (texts) ੈ✩‧

summary : when the chats are exposed on the wrong gc; just their partners sending messages meant for them on the official gc

warning : little suggestive, crack

[makuzume]

YOUR SUKUNA SMAU WAS SO CUTE RAGHHZHSH

If it’s alright with you, can I request some Sukuna fluff? Possibly some period comfort with a clueless but acting like he knows everything Sukuna?

Like the reader is giving him a heads up for the following week and he’s just like ??? Week???

Sorry if this is confusing, the PMS emotions are causing Sukuna brain worms and I love your work!!

Eat a well balanced meal, sleep well, and ofc get yourself a little treat ♥️♥️

bf! Sukuna Pretends to Know About "Periods"

🔅content: f!reader; light crack/comfort; period talk

🔅a/n: Anon don't make me fall in love with you giggling so much I will kiss your forehead affectionately lovingly aggressively and yes I will get a sweet little treat and I'm taking you with me

[JJK Masterlist] [Sukuna Asks Uraume About Periods]

tags list: @zhenyuuu @megumisdivinedogs

Credits to @makuzume e on Tumblr || Do not steal, translate, modify, reupload my works on any platform.

[serymn31]

our class conscious king and STEM queen Can't believe they invented socialism and entomology

[crybabycunt]

Natasha: (to Wanda) I love laying my head on your chest when you're sleeping, so I can listen to you breathe.

Yelena: (to Kate) I recorded you snoring, so you can hear how loud you are and why I cannot sleep.

[chronicreadz]

«Bf Satoru — Texts»

Tags: slight angst, fluff, crack, cussing, MDNI, suggestive

[kdjojo]

Satoru: Can you breastfeed me?

Suguru looking at him with disgust: What the hell is wrong with you.

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

What's Misha Collins' favorite file format?

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A J-peg.

[guess1mjustheren0w]

Vaggie: I fucking hate Adam! Alastor can go die in a hole too! Lufier: Would you be interested in upgrading to daughter in law? *Makes rings with Charlie and Vaggie's names engraved on them appear* Charlie: *Chokes and nearly passes ou* Angel: Now that's a 'WING'man

[iamnmbr3]

Barty Crouch Jr.: I'm imitating Moody perfectly. No one suspects a thing, My Lord.

Voldemort: Good.

Barty Crouch Jr.: I even taught Potter how to completely throw off the Imperius Curse.

Voldemort: You what?

Barty Crouch Jr.: And I suggested he should become an Auror.

Voldemort: Why???

Barty Crouch Jr.: It's what my character would do!

[tr-mha-fan]

👍Cosplay Cafe 💊

Ran Haitani x female reader

Im too lazy to write a real one shot, so here's some bullet points..

You need to work real bad so you go to a cafe nearby

It has a "NOW HIRING" sign on the door so you go inside

You get the job since they desperately needed workers

You meet a real nice girl named Ran

She usually has her hair in pigtail braids

It's unusually died black and blonde

She's real nice and you quickly become friends

One time, she asks if you want to go to a salon together, you agree, obviously

When the day arrives you meet up outside the salon

"HUH?! UR A MAN?!"

you were really embarrassed

'so, this... Is technically.... A date... '

He explains to you that because of his looks, he usually dresses up as female characters

It attracts a lot of customers and he doesn't mind

He's real arrogant btw

You find urself falling for him slowly (u had a crush on him since the beginning [ur gay side is showing] but now u fell even harder after ur 'date')

After a few weeks, you confess.... And he, to your surprise, agrees to be ur boyfriend

Yay!

[catcas22]

Cope

"Unreliable Narrator" is fully in effect throughout Shadow of the Erdtree. The DLC is, in fact, based off of a piece of in-universe propoganda.

SPOILERS BELOW:

While bits of truth have been mixed in, (Rennala's traitorous sister, the Drake Knight schism, Godwyn's death knight bodyguards, etc.) the main plot is taken from Mohg's manifesto on why Miquella always chooses chads over nice guys like him.

[notjustateaboy]

YouTube is being a jerkball, so here ya go

[makuzume]

JJK Sukuna Asks Uraume About "Periods"

🔅content: Sukuna's POV!; period talk; light crack; He doesn't know about periods but his s/o (you) kept bringing it up the last time (he pretended to know about it), so he asks Uraume to explain it to him.

🔅Related to [bf!Sukuna Pretends to Know About Periods] this is the story how he found out lol. Read that one first.

🔅a/n: Idea from @anunholyabomination who gave me a lot of Sukuna brainrot ideas😵‍💫

[JJK Masterlist]

a/n: aaaaaa suddenly writing things that are cutting the que in my line of WIPs

tags list: @megumisdivinedogs @zhenyuuu

Credits to @makuzume on Tumblr || Do not steal, translate, modify, reupload my works on any platform.