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osric-giroux-ffxiv · 6 months

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Faultlines

The first night and the day that followed had been understandable.

After entertaining for as long as they had, engaging with as many guests as they had, to take a day to rest and recover was expected, especially given her state. And while concerned, he had simply left inquires with Annette and Marion before leaving the estate for the day to recruit for the barracks and then to spend the evening researching the origin and potential costs of certain artifacts that could have possibly been in his possession before returning to an estate that was exactly as he’d left it the morning before. As though no one had moved throughout the day.

The second night and day that followed he tried not to let his hackles rise.

She’d been told to rest, after all, and if those were the physician’s instructions then who was he to question her? So once again he’d kept himself busy. Following up on what was within the ledger he’d found, inquiring with antique vendors - some aboveboard, some below - and recruiting in between. Once again he’d returned to the estate to find it seemingly empty - all dispersed to their respective rooms, excluding the staff who saw to keeping the house running.

By the third day the lack of restful sleep and frustration of not just the last three days, but perhaps the last several weeks had built to a point where he could ignore it no longer.

The thud of his boots against the stone floors echoed down the halls as Osric made his way through the estate, from his room to his wife’s, jaw and shoulders set as he came to a stop in front of her door - not in anger or frustration, but simple determination as he knocked, “Vahalia?”

And thus, an answer came beckoning the person who had knocked to come in.

Vahalia had been seated in a comfortable nightgown and robe covering her shoulder which was easy enough to tell that the woman had been already to turn in for the evening. Book on the bed and a mug of tea nearby – she was very much the sight of relaxation and somewhere in between the working and sleeping world.

Her eyes pinned to Osric the moment she saw him and casually her hand went to close her book, offering him whatever attention he desired in the moment of him coming to find her within her quarters, “Osric. What can I do for you this evening?”

The door was quietly closed behind him before he moved into the room proper, mindful of this very much being her space. “I’d hoped to have a conversation.” He was still dressed as he had been for the day, his hands clasped loosely behind his back as he stood across from her, his gaze focused on her.

“It seems we’ve had few instances to actually speak in private, especially in the last month and though there’s much that seems worth discussing.” Blue eyes ticked up to meet gold, not breaking away as he held his neutral posture.

Vahalia watched him with some measure for scrutiny but that was par for the course with her with just about everyone. She lifted her hand towards him to indicate to continue and do as he wished at his own leisure.

“But first - how are you feeling?”

“Tired and exhausted comes to mind though I'm quite well, as you can see. Working on following Physician's orders. I see her tomorrow for a checkup.” Vahalia adjusted on the edge of the bed and placed her closed book to the nightstand next to her tea.

A concerned look moved over his features for a moment - not for the scrutiny, that he was used to, but for her wellbeing, “I won’t keep you from your rest for long.” He took two steps forward, gaze not leaving her.

A small smirk found her face, “I’m pregnant, not dying.” her words were calm, and smooth with a hint of playfulness.

“No need to beat around bushes then, I’m concerned. In the three months I’ve been in this estate it’s been rare to see you in one place for very long and yet you’ve been within this room for days…since the festivities. And while I acknowledge that circumstances have changed and realize that you are to be resting, the concern remains.”

“Well, had you looked a little bit harder, you would know that Carrera came to visit the day after, and just this morning Ondrea was by. I entertained a few visitors and saw the books today. Aside from those little details, yes I’ve been within my quarters. It was as I said the other night, that I needed some time to myself.” Vahalia folded her hands in her lap, her gaze steady upon Osric’s mien and this is where all playfulness had left her entirely.

“Seems you and I have plenty to discuss given what has come to light recently coupled with the unsolicited opinions of those around me and the future of this family,” she added.

“And what is it that has come to light and whose unsolicited opinions have been offered? What business do they have in offering such opinions of the future of this family?” He stood quietly, hands still clasped behind his back - there was no defensiveness in his body posture though the wheels of his mind had already begun to turn.

Vahalia shrugged a shoulder ever so gently, “They see things and hear things and as families often do, they talk. Your ability to take on the responsibilities that come with being a Lord and understanding what has been asked of you. I speak for myself personally in this regard. You allow people to walk over you, and the lack of ambition and drive coupled with the irritation of your focus being on unimportant things versus what should be important. I came into this arrangement with you professing you knew what came with it yet you clearly do not, even three months into this marriage. I needed an equal, I needed someone who wasn’t going to insult my kin and their abilities in my presence. Someone who was to lead this family as needed without hesitation, who knew the ins and outs of the expectations and necessities. For a year you nodded and agreed and told me yes, that you understood. I needed someone I could trust and to know would handle things in my absence.”

Sighing, she lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, trying to process the chatter in the back of her head, the nagging voices in addition to her own, that of her cousins, “I find myself at an impasse.”

He felt the creeping sensation - the anger he had suppressed days before working its way up his spine, and slowly exhaled, suppressing it once again before speaking. “Families do talk, yes - but they tend to talk as though they know all the inner workings when they do not. Regardless - I will admit that I have made gaffes in the last three months, in the last week - that there are areas in which I could and am trying to improve.” His jaw clenched for a moment, but only briefly. “When we entered into this arrangement I believed I did know what came with it, and then things kept shifting - and let me be clear, this is not an excuse. It never felt as though we were on the same page - my doing, it seems. And while I realize that the rule of thumb is to apologize for nothing - for that I do apologize.”

He moved over before the bed and knelt down, still leaving space between them. “And yet from what you say it sounds as though you don’t trust me.”

Of course, he would still apologize, "I trust you to draw a bath or find a book. I trust you to not harm anyone within this family without proper reason. I trust you with small, simple things but when it comes to this Household and making important and tactful decisions or being able to differentiate between what is important and what isn't, or to run the business if I'm ever absent and not take anything lying down? -- no. I don't trust you with any of it." She finished and leveled her gaze to his.

Weak. Undeserving. And now untrustworthy. Something in the back of his mind snapped and he met her gaze easily, blue eyes darkening, “You believe that I would run down the business, the house that I signed all of my assets to, that I have chosen to dedicate my all to, that I would fail in protecting the things that you have built this far - that we would continue to build. That I would simply roll over and allow harm to come to those who are here and those who are to come. You truly think that little of me?”

“You're only hearing what you want to hear, again. I do not believe you would intentionally run the House into the ground. You saying that you are dedicated isn't the same as doing, that much is clear in the case of Valeria and her having been followed. Your immediate response was uneasy and your approach was simply ‘I don't know this man and he did nothing to me’ instead of taking action. Your lack of action and tact is evident. I don't feel that there is any we in any of this and there hasn't been, it's been all talk.” Vahalia expelled a breath through her nose as she watched Him, already sensing something within him stir, she could feel the aether shift, “Even now with how I've expressed my worries and feelings to you, you've chosen to take offense to them instead of seek solutions, which is a quality that is necessary for the responsibilities that come with a Household.”

“And what would you have me do, Vahalia?” There it was again, the sensation traveling up his spine - anger, frustration - the voices echoing in his ear - each reminding him of some failing or another, and now her sitting before him, fighting back the red at the edges of his vision. How many times? How many people? Enough was enough. “I can’t go back and undo any of that and so what now?”

The fact he had to ask that only caused Vahalia to chuckle, “What would I have you do? Something, anything. Action of some sort would suffice. What would have been impressive is if instead of letting me commission Carrera to see to the issue of Ricard you stood up, assured me it would be handled and that you were willing to do something about it. The fact I would have to tell you to do anything before putting action into practice is, in and of itself, telling of why I’m in this situation. Standing up for yourself in situations where some would aim to discredit you – hindsight is 20/20.”

Standing, she moved away from him and chose to place herself near a window, finger lifting as she felt at the crust of frost that lined the innermost corners of the cold pane, “You’re right, you cannot go back and fix any of this. I thought we were on the same page but I was wrong. The fault lies with me and perhaps this whole mess is my blame to burden, in which case I can shoulder it and then some because I’m strong and strong-willed enough to handle it. It is evident that you cannot. I took a mouse into the snake pit and expected it to thrive.” she turned over her shoulder to glance towards Osric, her golden-colored eyes softening, perhaps a touch of guilt or regret settling within her outward expression, “The mouse isn’t thriving. It isn’t overcoming obstacles.”

Vahalia continued, her finger moving from the window as her arms tucked under her bust, the robe around her drawing a little more inward towards her person, “There is an old fable my mother used to tell Valeria and me. A scorpion asks a frog it happened upon if the frog could take the scorpion across the river but the frog is hesitant and says no at first out of fear of being stung. The scorpion of course argued that if the scorpion did sting the frog then they would both drown. So, the frog considered this and after a few moments, the frog agreed. The Scorpion climbed onto the frog’s back and away they went but partway across the river the frog felt a prick at the back of his head. The scorpion indeed stung the frog.” Vahalia tilted her head, “The lesson in the story is that while the scorpion, a vicious creature and hunter, might not have had the intention to sting and kill the frog, it did anyway. The scorpion could not avoid its nature even when it was resisting the urge to hurt someone else even when it wasn’t within their own interest.”

She turned towards Osric and frowned, “With that said, I only foresee three ways out of this. An annulment of the marriage due to irreconcilable differences. Living separately from one another with some details to hash out names, ownership of things, and land. And the third option while grievous to think about, is still an option and that is simply killing you.” instantly she waved her hand at the third notion, “Of course, the 3rd option is entirely drastic but also a very real possibility.”

It wasn’t the scar in the center of his chest - but something much deeper that ached as he stood, eerily calm. “No.”

No? Vahalia turned fully, slowly as she afforded Osric her full attention, even if venom sat nestled deep within the back of her throat, begging to be released as daggers that her eyes could not carry.

His darkened eyes focused on her, jaw clenched as the tension radiated off of him, “This was to be a partnership this was to be us working together, to move towards a common goal, and instead what I stepped into was you always being five steps ahead and I always trying to play catch up and trying to figure out what you wanted, what you were thinking. The communication was minimal at best - and that’s when you were here. And so I misstepped, or I would focus on the barracks - the one thing I did know needed to be completed.”

“It was supposed to be a partnership and it’s not. Not even at best being a minimal partnership. If you wanted clarification you should have asked. If you wanted a play-by-play on ideas, you could have asked. I’ve kept you abreast of the moving pieces every time the notion sprung to mind or the minute I found out about anything. Eventually, the Barracks will need to be completed, yes. Was there a timeframe for it? No. I thought it only right for you to see to the renovation of your family home as you saw fit but remember, you were the one who wanted to throw away everything for this partnership only for it to fail and I have made every strive to be what I had promised, mincing nothing. Leaving nothing to smoke, veils, or mirrors.”

“You were to take care of me and I was to take care of you, and yet here we are…you have the beginnings of your militia that you wanted, you’ve your completed barracks, you’ve your ships, your boosted coffers, your heirs on the way and now I am disposable…because the first three months didn’t go as planned? You would throw in the towel after three months? That’s not being strong-willed, Vahalia - that is being avoidant.”

“I have been taking care of you. I have tried at every turn to pry some semblance of drive, ambition, goal or strive from you to gauge where you are as a person. I’ve played more guessing games than I care to continue with. I have set you up for success where I could. Militia? I have one Knight. Barracks? Yes. My ships I’ve had before our marriage, save for one. Cress coffers have been full and well on their own without the necessary addition that belonged to House Slater. You would put this all on me as if I were using you now? As if none of this is anything I have acquired on my own without your help or anyone else's, none of it has ever been by some benefit from House Slater. You may bring a mount to water but you cannot make it drink and quite frankly I think I’ve given more of enough time into this disappointment.” her anger mounted and she motioned to her stomach, “But you really came through with your seed, just about the only thing that has gone according to plan.”

Red tinged Osric’s vision as he exhaled sharply. “Don’t twist my words any more than you want yours twisted, Vahalia. I know damn well the achievements you’ve made. Had you bothered to ask - the last several days have been spent recruiting to fill the completed barracks, so you do in fact have the beginnings of the militia you desired, and more than just the one knight.” His gaze narrowed, “I refuse to walk away from this, I refuse to walk away from my children and this family, this house - you think me weak, undeserving, expendable, like the rest of them then so be it - I’ll spend the rest of my life proving you all wrong if I must.”

“Had I bothered to ask, or had you bothered to say something? All of this has been news to me and I’ve been nowhere but right here, working, resting, trying to wrap my head around the situation on top of growing two additional beings into existence. Not one, two.” she then continued, “If that are the choice words for yourself to force down my throat, fine. I’ll play the villain, Osric. I was more than fine and quite prepared to be more than amicable and come to some understanding and solution. As I said, solutions are required and still you have yet to figure out how those work.” Vahalia’s grip under her bust tightened.

He barely resisted the urge to throw his hands up in frustration “You asked for time to yourself, which I have given you, part of the reason I came here tonight was to inform you - the staff knew where I was - I informed them. They knew the barracks were complete, I informed them. I speak and no one listens.” He reached up and ran a hand through his hair roughly. “My words? No - words of some of your kin. Carrera comes to mind. I'm not forcing anything down your throat, I’m not making you the villain, but if your only solution is to end things and walk away then that’s no solution at all.”

“Then consider me informed but you have no leg to stand on to hold it above my head for not knowing. Not a single staff member had said anything to me, not even your own, Wyland. But I suppose we’ll chalk that up to my staff being incapable, again, by your standards. I don’t care whose words they are but you’ve certainly lumped me in with them and make some serious accusations on top of the ones you made of Valeria four nights ago. I offered two solutions and I have yet to hear anything from you. I don’t want to be another three months or three years into this only to realize it was never going to work anyway and through it all, we just ended up wasting time.” she wanted to yell at him but she was far too exhausted to even try. Her hand lifted and placed on her forehead, “I wanted this conversation to be civil and productive to have an amicable end – whatever that might be or look like.”

“You took my sister’s eye for not being truthful, for not being honest Vahalia, and I stood by your decision. I did not doubt you. I did not throw it all away and toss it all aside. I acknowledged that she had indeed failed to behave in an appropriate manner.” His frustration flared. “Civil? Amicable? Was I just to roll over and accept that I was being disposed of? You tell me I’m lumping you in with these others, which I am not, and yet you sit here and say things with implications that you agree with them, Vahalia. What am I supposed to think?!”

“Since when was any of this about Edalene? It sounds to me like you have some residual stuff you need to work through if you’ve been hanging on to that to bring up. Funny enough you didn’t seem too worried about it when your cock was buried deep that night, hm?” Vahalia watched him, his flaring set of emotions seemingly going this way and that, “Once again putting words in my mouth. No one is disposing of you, you’re jumping to that conclusion. I agree with some things, yes but I’m quite capable of forming my own opinions and those are what I have already expressed.”

He took a deep breath, regaining a tenuous hold on his control. “I don’t want a godsdamned annulment. I don’t want to separate. I don’t believe the last three months are wasted time, I don’t think that they,” he pointed at her midsection, “-- are wasted time.”

“I never said anything about the children being a waste of time so I’m not sure you would imply that at all since it was never up for discussion.”

“What I have wanted…from the beginning of this, was for this house to succeed. The choices I have made, despite what some might think, have been to assist in that endeavor. I will never convince your cousin that I am deserving, I realize that you will never care for me, and that’s fine - but one month to prove that this is not a mistake, because I don’t believe that it is.”

Vahalia shook her head with her hand placed to the swell of her hip, “The House is and will succeed but it's bound to fail if one-half of the whole is found incapable of the obligations that the title of Lord requires. None of which you’ve measured up to in the sense of taking control when needed, putting your foot down, taking proactive steps without having to be told what to do, what goals to chase, or what ideas to foster; take some incentive. You’d rather sit here and preach about your sacrifices and other things that have no bearing on the conversation at hand and raise your voice but I still hear no solutions to anything I’ve expressed.”

He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Despite what you may think…I want Valeria to be happy, Vahalia. I was expressing a concern, not trying to disparage her character.”

“That may be so but you certainly did disparage her character and she wasn’t even present to defend herself properly. I dare not tell her either since I’m sure she’d be hurt by your thoughts on her. Make all the accusations and hateful statements you will of me but you won’t do that to my sister who has been nothing but kind, loving and generous.”

Would she even bother to hear? “Incapable, hm.” It could be added to the list of things used to describe him in recent weeks.

“One of the other things I was coming here to tell you was regarding a possible use for the seemingly pointless pile of artifacts that traveled with me from the former Slater estate. I, while the final inspections of the barracks were ongoing, did some looking into them and discovered that there was some value to them, as well as information about where to procure more. I have also inquired with local antique stores…and some on the black market for possible beginning prices and buyers.” His jaw clenched tightly for a moment. “But, I suspect, some of the items are cursed and could be used for other more personal means by some within the house.”

His gaze cut to her choker. “I’d intended to travel after the holiday…establish more connections, obtain more of the items off the list and do more research to discover what I could, what might be useful, what could be sold. I was not expecting this conversation.”

Dark blue eyes watched her for a long moment before he gave a tired exhale. “No - I won’t. And you don’t deserve it either. You may not care for me…but I do care for you…and I cannot walk away from this willingly, not now.”

Sighed as she listened to him, once again intentionally internalizing something and holding personally to keywords of phrases he’d later use as a slight against her. At this point, her exhaustion was mounting and the stress was evident with the fist she held at her side “You came to voice concerns and question my whereabouts, it hardly sounds like you were aiming to spring anything on me about business or personal finds. I’ll consider myself informed but that doesn’t change anything about this conversation now.” Osric did not intend the conversation he had gotten but he had been the one to pursue it from the moment he walked through the door; be it good or bad, it was a conversation he was looking to have nonetheless.

Hearing enough she moved for the door, she couldn’t look at him, not while feeling the fatigue in her bones and even in her words. Pointless in a way, he was to strung up in his feelings and slights by other people to see her any other way than against him and his enemy and despite asking twice or more, there had yet to be any offer of solutions and while Vahalia had been seemingly amicable to working something out to the problem in hand – he left her no choice.

And so she opted to remove herself from the situation. Dawn’s voice nagging in her ear about how she should avoid stressful situations altogether. She didn’t care about artifacts – especially when randomly brought up in a heated argument that was already going nowhere as if it would sway her in any capacity. To hells with the artifacts, to hells with anything else.

“Tend to your artifacts. Travel.” that is all she offered as she opened the door and passed the threshold. If he had no intention of leaving despite her expressing how she felt on several matters, she merely sustained the thought that she would remove herself instead, “What does it matter to me anyways? I don’t care.” she left him with since he had already made up his mind about her in several things even with her saying otherwise – it didn’t matter. She could have screamed it at the top of her lungs or rang it from the rooftops and it wouldn’t have mattered.

Her lips pursed and a look was offered to Osric before she finally turned to make her leave for the hall – there was nothing more she could say or offer and so if he wanted to linger in his pain, trauma, thoughts, and words then she would leave him to them.

He watched her go, the full gravity of the conversation hitting him as she turned for the hall, shoulders slumping as he ran a hand over his face.

Thoughts were spinning, light static buzzing in his ears as he walked out of the room, turning and walking in the opposite direction - he would give her her space - ignoring the creeping sensation up his spine as he moved down the hall trying to process, trying just to think.

He made his way to his chambers, managing not to slam the door behind him and sinking down onto the edge of the bed, allowing his head to fall into his hands, the entirety of the emotions of the last several weeks playing out in his mind. He ran his hands through his hair as he lifted his head, standing and walking over to his dresser, gently lifting the wolf-head pin…a gift from before the marriage had been made official, and gently trailed his fingers over the metal, the ache in his chest flaring once again.

Merry fucking Starlight

Collaborative Writing with @vahalia-cress-ffxiv

#osric #vahalia #{of ravens and lances}#of lances and lament

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