#'it's one of those tests you can take again like a driver's license test right?' -how many times did you fail andy???

[danime25]

I pick up on the weirdest dialogue to make these memes

[eunseoksimp]

Golden Boy ; Osaki Shotaro

Pairings: Bestie!Shotaro x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst

Description: Shotaro is everyone’s favourite person. Extremely lovable and kind to those around him, but there’s only so much he can take, especially when you keep pushing his limits.

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, smut, minors dni.

a/n: shotaro’s been heavy on the brain recently, so this is extremely self indulgent.

.   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ.   ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ.   ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

‘can someone remind me why we decided to put sohee in charge of the booking?’ chaewon’s irritated tone rang through the room, and anton who was nearby snickered.

‘don’t go laughing like that isn’t your best friend.’

it was finally summer break, bleak winters and stressing in libraries far behind you. so naturally it was right for you and your friend group to plan a getaway for the week.

only, things weren’t going quite to plan. at the start of the month, everyone was assigned with different tasks and unfortunately, sohee was left to book the place you were meant to stay.

but in typical boy fashion, he had chosen something far away from the activities you wanted to do, and the rooms weren’t looking the best either.

‘i told you to leave it up to shotaro, we were doomed from the start,’ you quipped in, the aforementioned boy not too far behind you as he broke into a wide smile.

osaki shotaro was the glue of the friendship. the dependable friend who always planned ahead, and got along well with everyone. you could never catch him without a smile on his face, and everyone else’s comfort was always a priority.

‘i booked us another place, just in case something like this happened. lucky us,’ he basked in everyone’s praises, paying particular attention to the way you patted him on the top of his head.

‘you’re a star taro.’

‘shotaro to the rescue.’

‘what’s wrong with the place i got us,’ sohee grumbled, phone in his hand pitifully as he pretended not to notice that it was in fact better.

‘stop whining and get in the car.’

wonbin and shotaro were the designated drivers, given that sungchan complained about a wrist problem, which he may or may not have been lying about just to get out of being the one behind the wheel.

so it left those two, and the friendship group decided the cars they were getting into based on an alarmingly competitive game of rock paper scissors.

‘yes, i got shotaro,’ you pumped your first in the air after being the second one to win, no longer caring as you hopped into the front seat, barely catching sight of seunghan dramatically dropping to his knees after losing to sungchan.

the journey felt longer than necessary, mainly because wonbin kept getting lost on the way. but your group of you, chaewon, shotaro and sungchan were more than okay because shotaro was the one behind the wheel.

his speed never faltered, skilfully maneuvering the car so that speed bumps were barely felt, and his playlist left you decently entertained, a couple songs that each individual could enjoy in there.

‘remind me to never get into a car with wonbin again,’ anton dramatically hopped out of the car, headphones now around his neck as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

‘oh come on, it wasn’t that bad,’ wonbin was the last to get out, keys in hand.

he had only gotten his license last month, but you had witnessed him almost reverse into the metal pole in front of your house, and instantly knew you were in no rush to be riding with him any time soon.

‘my poor baby, did the big bad diva scare you?’ you cooed, and anton played into it, jokingly sniffling as he dropped his head to your shoulder.

‘at least i have a license. not all of us can rely on shotaro to drive you places,’ he fires back, narrowing his eyes at the both of you.

‘don’t be jealous because i’m treated like the princess you so badly want to be.’

but he was right. your parents had nagged for months, wondering why you weren’t even trying to study for a drivers test. but why would you need to when shotaro would be there at a drop of a pen.

‘i’ll take you wherever you want to go,’ he told you last year when he first got his license, and he stuck to his word, picking you up and dropping you off whenever you needed. if he wasn’t available he would ask eunseok, who would complain about gas prices and leaving his warm home, but still come and get you anyway.

you were spoiled.

‘i’ve got your bags, let’s go in,’ shotaro passes by, your luggage juggled between two hands as he already makes his way through the now opened door, courtesy of sungchan.

the villa was beautiful, a dream vacation home, equipped with marble tiles and panoramic views. the kitchen was as wide as your living room, the appliances new and countertop squeaky clean.

‘maybe shotaro was on to something,’ sohee accepted defeat, that once again shotaro was the best man for the job and you all agreed.

excited to be away from the loud bustle of the city, you were the first one to slide the doors open and step into the patio, a huge pool greeting you.

this was going to be fun.

you felt another presence beside you, the familiar tufts of blonde hair coming in to view.

‘i put your stuff in your room, you’re sharing with chaewon,’ you grinned, drawing nearer to press a kiss on his cheek.

‘thanks taro, you’re the best,’ the blush on his cheeks only made you smile wider. he was too cute.

‘just doing my job.’

and that was what he continued to do. he was there when you spoke about craving pancakes the night before, waking up early to drive to the grocery store just to get you what was needed.

when you got out of the shower, lazily walking though the house and flopping onto the couch, he held your head in his lap as he dried your hair.

opening car doors, doing your seatbelt, holding your hand as you walked through the rocky beach. but not just you.

‘shotaro you should drive to the grocery store.’

‘shotaro can you call the guide and tell him we’re going to be late.’

‘shotaro i’m hungry can you make me some food?’

shotaro, shotaro, shotaro.

his smiley disposition made it harder for his friends to notice just how far they were pushing him. he didn’t mind helping others, but it was beginning to take a toll on him.

his energy slowly depletes, and on the last night of the trip he plops onto the couch, sighing as he tilts his head back.

how long could he keep his act up?

it wasn’t like he was a sociopath or anything, he did truly like his friends and loved that they relied on him, only showing off just how dependable he was.

but it all added up to the image that everyone had of him. the cute golden retriever, who needed to be babied and coddled, because he was too ‘innocent for this world.’

conversations about sex were often paused, with jokes about him not being able to handle it being thrown left and right.

he was always being hounded about the fact that not many girls seemed to linger around him.

‘you know how shotaro is, he’s probably just shy.’

the first time seunghan saw a girl leave your room one morning it became the topic of conversation for the next week.

‘how did you manage to do that? did you start crying half way through? my bet is you only lasted one minute.’

the friendship group was very oddly sexually charged. of course you never made advances towards each other, but your closeness permitted each other to talk about everything. in great detail.

and when shotaro wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing what happened, they just believed their assumptions were correct, cooing and teasing him.

he didn’t mind as much, after all he was sure that a lot of it were just jokes. it wasn’t like he wanted to stop hiding his desires anytime soon anyways.

‘we’re playing a game, courtesy of our little friend,’ your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, soju bottles in both of your hands as you sank down into the seat next to him.

thus started an alcohol fuelled session of truth or dare. for the most part the asks and dares were fairly tame; text the last person you messaged that you missed them, down 5 shots in under a minute.

quickly it was your turn again, and it was clear that the effects of the sweet liquor was seeping into your behaviour.

‘if you had to fuck one person in this room, who would it be?,’ chaewon slurred her words, eyes barely open as she points right at you.

you tap your chin, as if you’re actually giving great consideration to the question, before going through everyone in the circle.

‘hmm let’s see. eunseok has too much of a god complex, he’d probably moan his own name. respectfully sungchan has a girlfriend so pass. i think anton might call me mommy unironically, probably cry too. wonbin loves himself too much, same as eunseok. i only see sohee and seunghan like my little brothers.’

everyone laughed along, some protests thrown your way from eunseok and wonbin, but only one person sat waiting eagerly, the only persons name you didn’t mention. did that mean he was the one?

‘wait you skipped shotaro,’ anton called out, holding up six fingers.

‘did i?’

‘yeah you spoke about everyone else here but him.’

‘probably just a subconscious thing. my mind knew he wasn’t an option,’ you shrugged.

ouch.

‘why not?’ everyone waited expectantly as they watched you. it was no secret that the both of you were extremely close, so it wouldn’t be strange if you had thought about it before.

‘too boring,’ your answer was short, like it was something so obvious, not even worthy of debate. chaewon snorts, soju shooting out of her nose but she covers her mouth, because she knows exactly what you’re talking about.

‘what do you mean,’ shotaro speaks up finally, and for a split second the air feels tense. everyone thought he would just laugh it off, like he usually would, but he was the only one that looked serious.

‘you’re just too vanilla for me babe, no hard feelings.’

his jaw ticks, eyebrows furrowed as he processes what you said.

‘are you sure? you haven’t been- laid in a long time. i personally think shotaro would be a great fuck,’ sungchan vouches for his best friend, although the weight of his judgement was seriously downplayed by the fact that he couldn’t even keep his head up.

‘osaki shotaro? the most vanilla guy on this planet? i’ll pass,’ you’re doubling down on your statement, and it only emphasises the way you view him.

‘i’m not vanilla, stop saying that’ shotaro retorts, the laughter of everyone else in the room causing

his head to spin.

‘sure you aren’t babe. and i’m not the hottest bitch in this friend group,’ you pat his thigh.

your words linger in his mind. vanilla? he was far from it. if only you knew the dirty thoughts that circled his mind.

he was so sick of everyone coddling him, treating him like a little virgin boy, a novice at the act.

just because he wasn’t as vocal about his experiences as the rest of you guys were, doesn’t mean they didn’t happen at all.

he allows it to eat at his mind for the rest of

the night, and you continued to only make it worse for him.

‘stop touching each other, gross. poor shotaro doesn’t even know what to do.’

strike one.

someone could literally run over his dog and he would probably apologise. biggest pushover in the universe.

strike two.

he’s definitely got golden retriever energy. i just pity the girl who tries to start anything sexual with him, he’ll probably freak the fuck out.

strike three.

his blood was boiling, a dull thump ringing in his ears. his hands were turning white, the way he had continuously clenched and unclenched his fists.

what was so wrong with being a good guy? must everyone display on their foreheads the freaky shit they like to get up to in their free time.

‘tell them- tell the guys what you said to me yesterday,’ chaewon sat on wonbin’s lap, practically screaming in his ear as he winced, slapping a hand over her mouth.

‘about what? that shotaro has a small dick?’

you’re out.

the alcohol had clearly gotten to you, your mouth a lot more sharp as it lacked the ability to filter the things you were saying. it was obviously a joke to you, you couldn’t care less if it was big or not, it wasn’t like you were ever going to fuck him.

‘come find out if it’s really small,’ he glares, the words sharp on his tongue, but you couldn’t take him seriously.

‘who let shotaro loose.’

all the teasing does nothing to quell his anger. is this the image everyone had of him? a small dicked pushover? if only they knew.

the mind of shotaro osaki was dark. riddled with lust and mean thoughts, but he kept them all at bay. ever since he was in high school he figured he would scare people away if they knew how he truly felt, what truly kept him up at night?

one by one everyone reached their limits, retreating to their beds for the night, a stumbling mess.

but you sat there, empty bottle in hand, head pounding as you tried to sober up a little. you hadn’t even realised you had dozed off, not until you woke up and were met with a semi dark room, completely silent.

shotaro’s jumper was draped over you, and a glass of water and some tablets were placed on the table in front of you. appreciative, you guzzle the cool water down, loving the way it soothes your throat.

you would have thought you were alone if it wasn’t for shotaro’s hunched over figure in the corner of the room, almost scaring you shitless.

‘taro, are you okay?’ you call out.

he lifts his head, seeing that you’re awake and rises to his feet, completely ignoring your question.

‘my room. now’

he left no time for you to protest, already walking towards the room he had to himself, as you trailed behind nervously.

this was the first time you’d ever seen him so angry, and you feared that you might have taken it too far this time.

you racked your brain, thinking of the right things to say, anything to bring back your friends usual self.

he waited for you to come inside before closing the door behind you, and you heard a click.

‘shotaro i-‘

‘i didn’t ask you to speak.’

you froze in shock, not used to his tone of voice, and you almost craned your neck around to see if he was talking to someone else.

he stalked closer to you, stopping right in front, only inches apart.

‘is this what you would call small,’ in an instant he has your small hand in his, guiding it towards the print in his trousers and you gasp in shock, jumping back.

it was huge, enough to make you swallow your words and bite your lip as your mind runs rampant.

‘you know, everyone expects me to be some type of angel sent from heaven or something. i’m at everyone beck and call, innocent little shotaro who will do anything you ask. he’s too nice to know anything, he’s probably a virgin.’

‘it pisses me off. especially hearing you do it.’

‘it was-‘

‘stop.fucking.talking,’ he’s livid, enunciating each word and he’s soon got you backed up, edging closer and closer to the edge of his bed.

‘you’re a fucking brat, you know that. i do all these things for you and this is how you repay me? brats like you need a good fuck to get their minds straight. don’t you?’

you’re at a loss of words, trying to figure out how the sweet, lovable shotaro that you know is now looking down at you with a twist of malice and lust. but more importantly, why was it sending a shiver down your spine, squeezing your legs together as you gulp.

he notices, and he chuckles, running a hand over his face, ‘i fucking knew it.’

in one swift movement you were on your back, back hitting the mattress hard, but you have no opportunity to adjust as shotaro settles over you.

‘no hard feelings babe, i’ve got a lot of anger built up inside of me. you’ll let me take it out on you, yeah?’

you nod dumbly, thinking nothing of his words, expecting nothing too crazy. but boy were you wrong.

that’s how you found yourself in your current position shaking with pleasure and pain. twitching, sniffling, and trying to get away but he won’t let you escape so you resort to begging and pleading.

‘please im sorry, im sorry please just-‘ you can’t even finish your sentence, another moan ripping through your throat and you blink rapidly, the tears sticking to your eyelashes, that had been building up for the past couple of minutes, began to fall.

you hope that he’d see your current state, take mercy on you and eventually ease himself out of you. but the tears only encourage him to see how messy you could really get.

‘don’t cry now- fucking take it,’ he’s ruthless, your legs are pushed back, further and further till they’re almost reaching your ears, and the new angle makes you feel him even more.

‘take it, take it, take it,’ his hips snap viciously into yours, practically splitting you open as you use all the strength you can muster to push away, your palm flat against his pelvis as you shake your head.

‘move your fucking hand,’ he doesn’t slow down, looking down at your weak attempt to get him to stop.

‘taro-taro please- i-‘

‘i didn’t ask you to fucking speak did i? just shut the fuck up and take it,’ he delivers a harsh slap to your cheek, and although it stings, it makes you start to cream around him.

‘look at you, like a dumb fucking slut. cant even use your words, just panting like a bitch in heat.’

‘stupid slut, you like when i call you names and throw you around. such a fuck-fucking whore,’ you’re squeezing him, tighter and tighter as you feel your third orgasm of the night approaching you.

shotaro had spent the majority of your friendship lending his ears to all your sex stories, slightly jealous when he heard all about how much you loved it rough.

but now he didn’t have to fuck other girls and pretend they were you, he had the real thing right in front of him.

‘fuck-fuck-fuck,’ you chant, practically floating as you feel so close. he’s fucking you so good, so deep that you’re sure his dick will leave a permanent imprint in your pussy.

‘look me in the eye, there you go. look at me while you- shit. while you make a mess all over my cock,’ he’s dipping his head lower, till your noses are practically bumping against each other, wanting to see for himself how he destroys you.

you don’t last much longer, a couple of rubs to your clit and you feel the coil in your stomach snap as your head hangs back, lips parted as you convulse under him.

you expected that to be the end, for him to at least slow down, but he does nothing of the sort, overstimulating you till you’re practically wrestling out of his grip, legs giving out as a string of curses escape your lips.

‘n-n-no more. please taro,’ it’s getting harder for you to breathe, the grip he has on your throat and hip simultaneously giving you no chance of escaping.

‘aww but i thought this was what you wanted? getting fucked stupid, that’s why you said isn’t it,’ the smile that used to bring you comfort was now making you shiver, something so sinister about the way he looked down at you.

‘i can’t anymore. p-please taro let me go.’

‘i’m not done with you yet,’ you see the evil glint in his eye, as he flips you over, forcibly pushing down onto your spine until you arch perfectly for him.

you find yourself crying once again, overwhelmed as you scrunch the sheets between your hand, needing something to ground you.

‘you say you don’t want it but look how that pussy’s squeezing for me,’ it’s hard to believe such filthy words are leaving shotaro’s lips.

‘who’s got you so wet?’

‘fuck baby, do you feel that?’

digging his nails now into the skin of your hips. your eyes roll back as you feel the head of his cock now pressing up against your cervix with each brutal, angry thrust.

‘who’s fucking you this good? let the whole house hear it.’

you shake your head, biting your bottom lip so hard it draws blood as you desperately try not to scream but shotaro has other plans.

‘what did i just fucking say? huh?’ he wraps his hand around your hair, yanking you up until his lips are right by your ears.

your senses are overwhelmed as you try oh so hard to contain yourself, clenching around him even harder.

‘shit, you taro. fucking me so good’ you whine so loudly, you’re sure that the neighbours would be able to hear.

it’s all becoming too much for you, your eyes unfocusing, rolling behind your head. head buried in the pillows, throat sore as you shake your head from side to side

your hands snake out from underneath your head in an attempt to slow him down but it’s no use. it makes him go even faster, even deeper as he holds your wrists between his hands.

“tsk, i thought i taught you better than that, princess,” shotaro quips, the condescending tone sending waves of heat up your spine.

the squelching noises gradually increasing, the sounds you were making were filthy and it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on.

but other people walking in on you two was the least of your concerns. it was hard to conjure up a single thought, the way shotaro is pummelling into you overtaking ever single sense.

you could barely hold yourself up anymore, leaning all of your weight into shotaro, legs and mind numb, as you let him degrade you even more, leading you to yet another orgasm.

only this one feels a little different. he was hitting the spot, over and over again, practically drilling into you and you felt an immense amount of tingling in your bottom half.

‘taro- oh fuck- you have to-have to stop. i think-shit i think i need to pee.’

you’re embarrassed, scared that if he doesn’t listen to you that you might end up urinating all over him. but he doesn’t care, nor does he stop.

you hit his thigh repeatedly, shaking your head as you desperately try to get away from him, but he’s much stronger than you, his arms wrapping around your waist, holding you there as he continues.

you felt so full, the pressure only increasing with each thrust as you practically grow limp in his arms. a squeal leaves your lips, followed by a large volume of clear liquid, soaking both you and shotaro, all over his thighs and seeping into the sheets underneath you both.

‘there we go, knew you could do it,’ he groans, unable to take his eyes away from the pool of cum, obsessed with how you were both covered in it.

he wants to make you do it again, to tease you and draw another orgasm out of you, but you’re well spent, twitching in his arms as you mumble.

‘no more- no more.’

although he knew he could go for two more rounds if he really wanted to, he respected the way your body was telling him that you were done.

‘shhh it’s alright. i’ve got you baby,’ he lifts you off of him, sweat coating your body as you cling onto him.

and then you pass out, unable to carry on anymore, letting shotaro take care of you as he cleans you up, then tucks you in your own bed, whispering some excuse to chaewon about finding you asleep on the couch by yourself when she stirs from her sleep.

then he’s back to his normal self, smiling widely as he watches everyone take their seat at the table, busying himself by the stove.

you were the last one to arrive, barely able to walk, legs practically jelly as you take small steps.

‘what happened to you?’ sungchan quipped, but you were too busy trying to relearn how to work with the newfound ache in your legs to give him a suitable comeback.

if it wasn’t for the effects you were feeling from last night, you would chalk it all down to being an extremely vivid wet dream.

but there was no mistake, shotaro osaki fucked you within an inch of your life yesterday night. and judging by the smirk on his lips, his eyes following your every moment, something tells you it wouldn’t be the last time.

guess he wasn’t such a golden boy after all.

[nanamivnemesis]

WxS on a road trip headcanons:

•Driving Priority order:

-Nene

-rui

-tsukasa

-Emu

(Rui and tsukasa can be switched)

-emu is not usualy the one to drive, she’s definitely capable of it and has her license but the group is terrified she’s going to zone out and they will cruise into a ditch when she’s unmedicated. (I believe theirs is thoughts of war behind those big void eyes and therefore she’s the second most dangerous behind rui)

-Nene can drive and usually doesbut she much rather play games and nonverbaly observe conversation, if the others get to tired she’s fine with taking over for a bit, and when she’s down rui usually takes over for her

-Tsukasa can drive and is the third choice driver , boasts about being so good at driving(he failed his driving test twice) then procedes to miss the exit,twice. Rui has to read off the driving app.

-Rui is the second trusted driver of the group ,but his psychopathic ideas make others fear if he is going to stop his impulse of seeing how the airbags work.(hence why tsukasa goes before him) He’s overall good at keeping himself in check tho.

•Seating arrangements and behavior

-•passenger princess priority in accordance to driving priority:

-emu(literally princess I love her so much :D)

-Rui(reads driving instructions to tsukasa otherwise he will miss the exit again)

-Tsukasa (holds onto the celling handle thing the whole time)

-Nene(keeps an eye on emu) (if rui was with emu while driving the chances of their collective thoughts of war increase,nene prevents that)

•when in back row together:

-emu and tsukasa

- read off bill boards and tourism ads and then beg rui/nene to go see them. If rui is driving they are more likely to pull over. Nene will pull over if she decides it’s interesting enough and worth it.

-the WOAHHH!!! WHATS THAT OMG CAN WE GO or like making jokes about weird ass signs

-ba da ba ba ba when the McDonald’s sign

-emu and nene

- are usually playing games together on Nenes phone or switch.Emu loves to watch nene play rhythm games,animal crossing or stardew valley.

-nene listens to emu as she fixates of her favorite villagers and island decor.

-Nene will sometimes share her headphones with emu.

-when they try to get out of the car at stops, 500 different stuff animals they both own start to pour out the car.

-Rui and Nene

Idk if this is already canon but rui made a mini nene bot that is safely buckled in the middle seat. Rui sometimes brings out silly hats to put on it(emu made some of them)

-nene also plays splatoon when he’s in the back

-you can’t convince me rui isn’t playing fnaf or granny for shits and giggles, you cannot

-then nerds out of the stupid ways you can break these games

-emu and rui

Thoughts of war and things that are illegal to construct on stages, these 2 are a dangerous combination without any balance from nene or tsukasa

-elaborately contsructing pranks to pull on tsukasa

-otherwise they are nerding out over over silly shit and having a wholesome time

-if emu sees something cool rui is already on board with trying to convince whos driving to pull over to see the thing.

-Rui and tsukasa

-Rui ,if he decides to take a nap, will kick his daddy long legs on tsukasa lap and there is nothing tsukasa can do to stop him

-“Aw look at that cool car right there I wonder if it would survive the blast radius of a nuclear strike “”RUI WHAT-“

-Rui keep’s proposing increasingly worse and dangerous ideas for shows is tsukasa is like “WHAT” and dumbfounded

-scrolling together through TikTok to see those Reddit stories but they only look at the cool craft videos in the background and don’t care about the story

-tsukasa and nene

-(my apologies this duo I think about the least so my head-canons won’t be as good)

-insult battle where they keep trying to one up the other in more increasingly insane ways, (I think nene wins)

-she isn’t sharing her music or her games with him

-tsukasa sneezes so loud, nene records it so that whenever he annoys her or says something stupid she will play it on repeat

-“Omg look at that””rejected””I didn’t even say what it was yet-“

-if they both see/hear something weird af on the road or on a bill board they just 👀

-tsukasa will try to make jokes to make her smile and she will rate them critically (it’s all fun and games tho)

•Misc:

-nene has threatened to crash the car when the shits gotten to silly

-Emu keeps pulling out snacks from her pockets in unrealistic ways

-Rui brings bags of like candy rocks or candy dice and just eats the em infront of tsukasa and freaks him out at first but then he’s like WOAH and then they are both eating rocks.(don’t mention the chocolate crickets to tsukasa)

-rui has definitely shoplifted at gas stations with nene

-nene handles finding sleeping arrangements

-tsukasa got sick from a gas station hotdog once and he can’t handle takis

-underneath the stuff animals nene is rotting in, there are 17 crushed monster energies and coffee drink cans

-rui is looked to when there is car issues

-nene is basically keeping the other three on a leash at all times but she can’t keep them still and gets dragged along

-the amount of times tsukasa and emu have gotten lost in a gas station is impressive, sometimes rui moves the car while there inside to make them think they were left behind.

{Feel free to request headcannon ideas on my special interests! I’m not the most knowledgeable in other pjsk units tho!}

[pomeloandtv]

So how does it feel to sit in your new car?

It's cute, but ... I miss my old car, it was bigger, and much more powerful that this ....

But you crashed that car, if you want a car like that again you have to convince people you are a good enough driver for it

Wait .... it's an automatic?

Yes?

There is no gearstick or clutch, are there manual electronic gears?

No, no manual electronic gears, it's an automatic. do you remember how you did your new test in a rented automatic?

Yes

And you found that weird at the time?

Yes, but you said I couldn't ask about it

Well, see now your new license is specifically for automatics only, you can no longer drive stick

But the crash wasn't even my fault! You know that! You know I am a good driver, I've never caused any damage to any car ever!

Too bad. We both agreed that the old you, the strong, competent and capable you, had to go. That we needed a new you, one that emanated an aura of weak, ditsy helplessness. Did we not?

[small voice] ... um ... yes ... but ... I love driving ...

I know, but you've also found so much other things you love over the last few years, haven't you?

That's true

You are swapping some things you used to love for other new things you love. Just be glad I didn't convince the judge to ban you permanently

Oh my god, would you have?

Just imagine the loss of independence, needing other people to drive you around, always having to be extra nice to your friends because you would need them more than they need you, letting them decide where to go, and just being grateful that they are willing to take you, sitting around at home waiting for me to get back because you need me to take you somewhere ...

[eyes closed] ... oh god ... stop ... [eyes open] I'll be good! I love that it is an automatic!

Really?

Yes REEEAAAALLLY! Besides for the last year these heels made working with ALL THOSE ANNOYING PEDALS so difficult.

Great that you don't take them off for driving like I forbade. You are such a good girl

Thank you. .... um ....

Yes?

But, this means ... um ...

Yes?

I'm flying to visit my parents next week. Whenever I go back, I use their car, I borrow it if I need to, and I usually need to a lot ... but they have manual ... so ...

So you won't be doing that anymore, you'll have to ask them to drive you around if you need it. Wonderful, maybe you'll discover you like being driven around, maybe the feeling of sheepishly asking them for a lift will grow on you, feeling like you are less, maybe you will come back and beg me to have your license cancelled ...

No!

Ok, just joking, what were you saying

But what will I tell them, they know I drive manual?

Tell them you always hated stick, you found it confusing and stressful

But I know how to drive stick, its easy?

Well you certainly won't be telling anybody that anymore, make sure to tell them you're happier knowing you don't have to worry about manual gear shifting anymore

But my father thought me how to drive, he knows I love stick!

"Dick" sugarbutt, you love dick

Hee hee, I love dick, I do!

Besides, your parents are probably going to have a LOT more difficult questions for you about getting another boob job without telling them, even though they made you PROMISE you would never do major cosmetic surgery again without at the very least telling them

[downcast, small voice] ... ... oh yeah ... ... [even smaller voice] but you didn't let me tell them ...

Now, now dollface, we both know I can't make you do anything unless there is a part of you that wants it, right?

[small voice] ... yes ...

I didn't hear that?

yes ... [small voice] ... i know ...

Say the line

um ... your role isn't to make me do things I don't want to do ... your role is to make me do things I want to do but am too afraid to ...

OK, now don't worry, it's going to be awkward for you next week, but it will work out in the long run

[small voice] ... yes ...

I can't wait to hear about it. Anyway my advise is in future if your parents or anyone else want you to promise something again, you should outright and explicitly refuse if you aren't 100% sure it is something you can keep

[small voice] ... yes ... [normal voice] can I please tell them about my upcoming nose job?

We've been over this. Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with your nose, its a good cute nose, it matches your adorable face perfectly, you will not be able to make them accept that

But ... then ... why am I getting it!

We've been over this too, and I understand the next time you see them, the time after this time, it will be very awkward for you, but we both agreed your face should look faker

[small voice] ... you agreed ...

Really? Say the word now and we will cancel the procedure

...

Well? I will cancel it right now, it's not a problem, it'll be easy

No! I want it! Please! I'll be good!

Why?

Because I think I'll look even cuter and faker with a paired down button nose.

Really?

Yes! I want to be plastic! Please, I really do! I want a fake bimbo nose! I'll be good! Please!

Ok, now its fun when we battle like this, but that was too far, and you know it

I know, I'm sorry, I'll be good. And I won't tell my parents about my nose job and I know I'll love it and I can't wait. I promise!

Good girl

Yes :)

And remember, you hate stick, you love dick

Hee hee, I hate stick, I love dick

And while I can't speak for everyone, in general dick loves those stupid looking melons you've had nailed to your chest

Hee hee, yeah I know! everyone's so nice, the guys in the gym are always looking. Dick loves these tits! And though I hate stick, I really love dick :D

Good girl, now lets take those honkers for a spin

Hee hee! yay! Wait, give me your empty bottle, I'll put them in the bin over there

Hmmm, no.

No?

Take my empty bottle and your empty bottle and throw them on the back seat or in one of the floorwells

What? I would never!

I've decided it would please me greatly if you are now one of those people with a messy car

No! But my car is always spotless. So is yours! You'd hate it too!

That's right, I would hate it. But I would find it hilarious if you were known as someone with a very messy car. I want your friends to argue behind your back about who has to go with you because no one wants to travel in the messy car. I want them to beg you to clean your car, but you will always refuse to care about the problem

I will! I will care!

Yes, I'm very pleased with this idea, your previous car was the old you and the spotlessness of the interior betrayed your old competence and diligence and adherence to what is expected of you. Your new car is the car of a very different woman. I'll bet you even grow to enjoy it

No! I'll hate it!

Here, that plastic bottle in your hand, face forward, don't look, and toss it behind you over your shoulder. There now didn't that feel fun?

No!

Ok, take my bottle, before you throw it, where would you like it to land? No objections, pick a place.

uhhh, behind the back seat on top of the boot.

Mmmm, not much to aim for even if you were looking, difficult throw, try it

.... Ohhhh, no, I thought ... almost

Wasn't that fun?

This isn't fair!

Ha ha ha

The first two of many. From now on I forbid you to take used, finished items from this car without my explicit permission. We'll see how bad it gets but maybe after 6 months I'll pay to have your car cleaned.

[laughing] No! I can't believe this is happening!

OK enough, pre-drive checks?

Yes, the mirrors are good actually!

No, I mean make-up

Hee hee, yes sir

Maybe I'll get you a custom car sun visor on your side, one that's all mirror, including a small section that does that real up close magnification.

Ha, you wouldn't?

Yes, actually I should get one for your side of my car too

Ha! No!

Ok, serious question, how often do you check your make-up before and after driving?

Sometimes before, sometimes after, some drives both, some drives neither.

Ok, from now on, unless you are blocking someone, you have to check before and after, and you also have to do a touch up.

Oh my God? Ok, but I think I look good ... but ...

... you look fantastic ...

... BUT! But if I MUST [side eye] then I will do my lipstick again

Good girl

[small voice] yes

Also buy an extra supply of whatever make-up utilities you would normally have, wipes, bases, I don't know, whatever your favorites are and keep a stash in your glove box

Hmmm, can I have the money?

Yes. And whenever I see the inside of that glove box it shouldn't be well-ordered. it should be a mess of random things at random angles all over the place. When you drive around a corner or over a bump I want to be able to hear them clattering

Hee hee Stop! Enough for today!

I'm really looking forward to there being discarded make-up paraphenalia in all the floorwells

No!

Admit it, you're going to love people seeing the inside of your car, and maybe they'll be too polite to say anything, but they'll be thinking, you live like this?

Oh God! Too much!

That was a lot for one day, but it is a new car day, always a big day.

True

Ok dummy, let's go

Yay! Hee, hee ... yay! dummy!

[lovelytsunoda]

crying over it all // clement novalak

summary: there are few things in this world more mortifying than failing your drivers test when everyone else your age has a license. it’s made even worse when your boyfriend is a racing driver

pairing: clement novalak x female reader

warnings: reader fails her driving test, which leads to significant self loathing, clem is just trying to be supportive and god I need someone like him right now

authors note: guess who failed her drivers test 🙃 I’ve rebooked it but now I have to commute by way of three buses to my college campus :( and don't even get me started on field placement...i wish i had never left it this long but at this point i need to trust to process and find some sort of way to move past it.

“I’m sorry, but you will need to retake your road driving test. I understand that’s not what you wanted to hear, but you need some more practice. you can see the full list of mistakes inside.”

it had been twenty minutes since she’s heard those words, and she still felt shaky on her feet. her hands had shook and tears fell down her face as she went inside, taking a number and waiting in a notoriously long dmv line to admit to the woman at the desk that she needed to rebook her test.

she didn’t want clement to see her like this, utterly defeated and trying not to scream her lungs out as she watched four teenagers in line in front of her get their licenses.

she was twenty one, for god sakes. she should have been driving by now.

she was sitting on the wooden bench, slouched I gracefully and letting the tears fall as she played with her car keys when clement found her.

what was the point of even owning a fucking car if she couldn’t drive it?

“oh, love." clem frowned, feeling his own stomach sink when he saw how distraught she was. "i take it that things didn't go well."

"could you tell?" she sobbed, trying to wipe her eyes. "was it that obvious? i hate myself, clement. how is it that i can't do something that pretty much everybody my age has been able to do since they were sixteen."

his heart ached as he heard her words. he'd passed his test on the first try, and he drove things for a living, so he's never really thought about what it must have been like for her, having to bum rides off her friends and family or to be bound to the transit schedule. while she was in college, it hadn't been the biggest deal, although it was a minor inconvenience. now that she would be working full time, the stakes were higher.

"i'm sorry, pretty girl." he frowned, pulling her closer, allowing her rest her head on his shoulder. "but you can take it again, and you know what you did wrong, right?"

"i start work next week, clem. i've looked up the commute and if i take public transit, it's almost two hours each way. and i feel like i'm a burden by constantly asking people for rides, or telling them that if they can't pick me up, we can't hang out. hell, my mother had to drive to my first date with you!"

clem chuckled at the memory, the image of a frazzled y/n stepping out of her mother's suv and frantically scanning the parking lot for clement. moments later, her mother had insisted to getting out of the car and introducing herself to clem. y/n thought that she would combust then and there.

"your mother loves me!"

"yeah, but imagine being a grown-ass adult and still having to get your mother to drive you to appointments because you don;t want to chance the bus route not aligning with your appointment time? i feel like my grandmother, and she's ninety, clement. she had her license revoked because she has cataracts."

"i know it hurts right now, but you are never a burden, y/n. your friends love having you in the car when they drive. hell, i feel like i drive better when you're next to me. i don't mind driving you places, you know. it means that i get to spend more time with you."

she smiled at the gesture, turning to allow clem to cup her chin and wipe some of her tears away. her face was flushed, eyes red and puffy. she couldn't shake the idea that she might have made a scene inside the testing center.

"i know. i just wish i could be more independent. transiting gives me so much fucking anxiety. i went over the curb when i three=point-turned and an old lady on a mobility scooter started yelling at me."

"but you never go over the curb."

"exactly! i think i was nervous, when i practiced the route with my dad, there were never any cars on the road. and i think after that happened, i got into my head and it screwed everything else up. i'm such a fuck up. i feel like i've let everybody down, especially you, since you helped pay for my fucking car."

'"hey, hey, don;t talk like that. you'll get it. i promise you. you know jenson button didn't pass his road test on his first try, right?"

she snorted, sitting up straighter, but still clutching clem's hand. "did he really?"

"yeah, and i think lando failed as well."

"yeah well, i've seen how lando drives. that doesn't surprise me at all."

having a laugh seemed to help, and at least now if people mwere staring at her it was because of the f2 driver sitting next to her, not because she was a grown woman who still couldn't drive and decided to cry about it, and then fling her keys onto the grass.

"i have some plans i might have to move around, and then i need to call my parents, and then my dad can take me out to practice a bit more but i have to trust that when i take it again in october, something goes right. because i know exactly what i fucked up."

she moved to get up from the bench, clm following closely behind as she shamefacedly handed him the keys to her volkswagen. well, the volkswagen now, since she couldn't drive it without someone who'd had their license for five years present.

"i'm proud of you for trying. i know that this was something you put off for a long time because of your anxiety, and even though it didn't work out, at least you tried." clem encouraged, his arms comfortably slung around her shoulders as she laced her fingers with his. "hey, it could be worse. you could have had your dad drive you here."

"clement, don't even joke!" she laughed. "you know that i hate taking transit, and that i don't always feel safe going places alone."

"i know. and if you ever feel unsafe, or too anxious to function, or just like you want to see my gorgeous face, call me. as long as im in the country, i will come and get you. and if im not, i'll send someone i trust."

"like who? max fewtrell? his driving is worse than landos."

clem snorted. "i meant ria. or pietra.

"thank you, clement." she sighed, leaning into him as he unlocked the car. "i love you."

"i love you more, pretty girl." he kissed the top of her head softly. "it will all work itself out, love. just you wait. and then you'll be the one driving me places."

TAGS:

@httpiastri @magnummagnussen @oconso @thatsdemko @scuderiamh @libraryofloveletters @diorleclerc @sidcrosbyspuck @cartierre @clemswrld @love4lando

[diabunnies]

INCOMING NEW MAIL!

"BLLK DRIVING HEADCANONS" from DIA!

CONTENT AHEAD IS...

sfw! no implied romance between characters however ur free to take it however u read it!

i lub driving n ive been thinking abt this 4 a liddol bit 2 long now so here goes! a lot of these hcs are inspired by ppl ive been in a car with!

drive safely y'all ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ pls do not be like these ppl (heavy on shidou!!!)

SHIDOU RYUSEI

thinks he's an F1 driver on the streets... i don't mean the professional F1 drivers btw! i mean the "F1" drivers everyone pretends to be in the arcade car simulators. also broke his car speakers from how loud his music is

probably has attempted to do a wheelie with the car more than once before... has had numerous points docked off his license for the stupidest reasons (ie going round a roundabout [the full 360] over and over and over again)

always forgets to turn his lights on at night and attempts to fight the officer that pulls him over. idk how he got his license (he didnt. it's fake but he doesn't know u know it's fake).

ITOSHI SAE

is absolutely silent. sorry if u were expecting more from him but when he's in the car he's iust but i like to think that its a comfortable kind of silence! sometimes he makes small talk but he rlly just prefers calmness be driving is one of the rare opportunities where he gets a bit of a break from his high action lifestyle :(

sae gives me the impression of someone that listens to podcasts and instrumental music over other genres ?? doesn't rlly mind (read: care) if u handle music but don't expect him to breakout into a song

drives one handed bc he is the only mf here that drives stick and for this reason he secretly thinks he's better than everyone for it

BAROU SHOUEI

drives like an aggressive senile person ?? whenever ur in the car w him u'd think he got his license during the industrial revolution bc he goes off the most outdated rules in the handbook

like this dude does not believe in using indicators on the roundabout ("bc the cars should already know where i'm going based on the direction or my wheel!").

u always apologise to the car u nearly crashed into be he cuts ppl off ("i should've been given right of way!!") at intersections

ITOSHI RIN

listens to edgy ahh fuckin music icl! also doesn't talk most of the time but what sets him apart from sae is that the silence is very awkward... any attempt at making conversation by u is met with nothing but soul crushing silence

sometimes his intrusive thoughts win n lets his competitive nature get ahead of him at traffic lights be he will race the car next to him for fun ಠ_ಠ

i do like to think that he loves driving the most out of everyone here and bc he drives obsessively, he knows all kinds of routes to all kinds of places (walking gps king so real)

CHIGIRI HYOMA

is probably the most normal driver. he's pretty confident in his skills (rightfully so) but ofc he doesn't pass up any opportunity to let u know that he passed his test w flying colours :/ "did you know that i pa-" every fucking time without fail ( •_•)

is the best at parking :O in fact he's so good at it that he will park in what u think is an impossible spot all be he doesn't want to walk too far

his car always smells new be he LOVES those "new car" scented air fresheners! also his car is always cold bc he refuses to let the humidity ruin his hair

NAGI SEISHIRO

has rlly rlly bad road rage BUT gets mad at u if u also express road rage ?? he tells u to calm down ?? mf ik he aint talking T⌓T

tbh i think he only has short temper be he doesn't necessarily enjoy driving (will only do it if he absolutely has to) and just wants to get home asap!

definitely waits until the very last minute to fill up his car bc of how often (.) he forgets ended up stranded in the middle of nowhere once be of this exact reason. but at least u can always count on him for having a battery pack!

GAGAMARU GIN

drives below the speed limit... would (and has) swerve to the wrong side of the highway to avoid hitting a bird be he doesn't trust that it'd fly away in time (the bird flew away along with his soul bc he was a second away from colliding with a truck)

poor thing always gets honked at by cars behind him be he gives way to EVERYONE (even if he has the right of way) and traffic always piles up.

his car always smells like Those jellybelly jelly beans be he loves sweet-smelling things! im not joking every time u enter his car ur nose is flooded by candy flavoured air ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

BACHIRA MEGURU

gets distracted rlly easily by any piece of stimuli. oh there's a windmill? nice! u bet his eyes are already following it. roadkill on the side of the road? would point it out and proceed to try and look at it for the next kilometre. probably mourns the thing for the rest of the trip tbh :(

points out livestock grazing on the side of the road! every! time! instigates eye spy every time but chooses the most obscure things and gets surprised whenever u give up

will not hesitate to pick up whenever his mum is calling; doesn't matter if it's super busy on the road or if he's in a crash bc he Will make the time for her

ISAGI YOICHI

is the only mf prepared with everything. he has a mini cooler in the boot stocked with juice and water, his glove box is filled with masks and wet wipes, has a blanket in the back, a 50pc first aid kit in the centre console, snacks in the boot, and insurance papers stashed somewhere.

his car is spotless bc he details and deep cleans it (both interior and exterior) every week bc he is very self-conscious abt his car (n his driving) be he wants his passenger(s) to always be comfy :((

will play (and let u play) any kinda music but during significant soccer matches he will always play a live audio coverage of the match! so im v sorry if u wanted to listen to the new TWICE album but germany v spain is on so ur gonna have 2 wait ;´༎ຶਊ ༎ຶ`;

MIKAGE REO

in the rare occasions that he drives himself and not by a personal driver, he talks a lot. like a whole fuckin lot! but no one can complain be its not like he's dominating the entire conversation!

that kind of driver where the trip otw to a place is better than the actual destination! dygwim??? sometimes u both ditch the og plan for a random burger joint on the side of the highway

if he picks u up he's always early be sometimes he wants to drop by a spot (oooh guys he knows a spot ᵔ.ᵔ) he wants to show u! ps his car has heated seats and massage options മ◡മ

MICHAEL KAISER

ness has to be in the car with him for ur sake... bc if he's there at least u have someone that actually talks about things and includes u in stuff... unlike kaiser who only talks abt himself LMFAOOO

has pictures of him littered everywhere in the car... u open the sunshade? there's a polaroid of him that falls out :/ this mf the type to sign his car in hopes of making mad bank off reselling it some day as a collector's item of "the great king, kaiser!"

the type of guy to wink at every road camera in case he gets caught for committing a traffic violation ("u can never let them catch u lacking!" kaiser dawg u goin 40 over the limit!)

OLIVER AIKU

has a "honk if ur single" sticker plastered on his back window but always forgets so he gets annoyed whenever ppl honk at him (dawg makes his own problems LMFAOO)

pulls up to red lights next to a conventionally attractive person to roll down his window and wink at them @_@ the police station has definitely received multiple calls from ppl due to his... violating behaviours...

his car smells like his deodorant bc he douses himself in it before he gets out (sorry if ur asthmatic)

[rotationalsymmetry]

So, responding to the least bad "vote blue" post I've seen in a while:

None of those are my issues with this genre of post. My issues with this genre of post are that this is not how get out the vote works. Telling people they have to do a thing tends to irritate the shit out of them. Assuming some percentage of your audience wants to vote Democrat and focusing on those who want to but might have life get in the way WORKS. Do that. PLEASE.

And optionally throw in some information that will help address barriers. For instance, you don't have to vote for every position and issue on the ballot, you can just vote for the things you care about and leave the rest blank and your votes will be counted. (Confirmed by ballotpedia.) Rules around Vote By Mail vary by state but it's generally an option for at least some people IF you ask for it soon enough. Where I live and I believe generally in the US, you can check online at your state's department of elections website to make sure you're registered to vote (at your current address!) -- every time you move even if it's just next door, you need to register again, but if you applied for a new driver's license you probably registered to vote at the same time. You can also check your state's department of elections website to learn about voting registration deadlines, whether you'll need to bring ID to the polls, where your polling place is, and when you can expect to receive your vote by mail ballot if applicable.

(Side note, do look that up if you're voting by mail. I didn't get my vote by mail ballot when I was supposed to because there was some confusion around apartment number, but I was able to call and get a new one in time for the last local election.)

There are groups that offer rides to the polls for people who have trouble getting their on their own (if you're not sure where to ask, try your local Democratic Party -- ie "town/city name Democratic Party.") There are a considerable number of disability accommodations legally required to be provided at every polling place, from wheelchair access to voting machines that read the ballot out loud to you to it being OK to get someone else to fill out your ballot for you (as long as you state that you gave them permission). There is a federal law guaranteeing this, so it does not vary by state. But, speaking as a former poll worker, when something goes wrong during set-up the accessibility stuff is the first thing back burnered, so even though these are legal requirements there may be discrepancies in practice. So if you require accommodations to vote, allow a lot of time, consider bringing a friend for support, and be prepared to have to advocate for your rights. Sorry. I know that's messed up. (Or vote by mail if that works better for you.)

Voting basics for new or uncertain voters: The best way to research, like the best way to study for a test, is to learn a little bit at a time over time by reading news (including local news), talking to people you know, etc. But, often life gets in the way of that or it's not enough, so that's where cramming comes in, and fortunately there are cliffs notes. What your best cliffs notes are is going to vary by location and political bias, but there's theoretically unbiased* sites like Ballotpedia (good but tend to not be useful for very local issues like school board) sites with a political leaning like https://progressivevotersguide.com/, and endorsements from advocacy organizations (advocacy groups like the League of Women Voters (a feminist group) often endorse candidates who share their priorities) and, importantly, newspapers. Also, people running for office generally have a campaign website: obviously these are very biased so you need to have a sense of which issues you care about and look for spin and what's not being said. For instance, a candidate who take a lot about public safety means they want to give cops more money/power. A candidate who wants to make environmental regulations weaker might not say anything about the environment at all, or might say something about being pro business. It can take a while to get used to how politicians talk about their political stances if you're not used to analyzing political speech this way, which is one reason endorsements are so useful, but it's also very much worth developing that skill so if you're kind of confused hang in there, you'll get it eventually. And talk to people you know who have similar politics, so you can learn together.

Actual voting: as mentioned above, there's two main ways of voting, at a polling place and by mail. Voting by mail means your ballot has to be postmarked by the end of Election Day, or dropped off at a polling place or election drop box. I don't like keeping track of things like when mail gets picked up from my corner mail box, so I recommend either mailing it out before Election Day or using the polling place/drop box approach.

You are allowed to bring a cheat sheet in with you to vote, or check your phone. What you can't do is tell people who to vote for in the polling place or ask them who you should vote for (even with things like buttons or slogans on t-shirts) -- do all of that outside of/before getting to the polling place. If you make a mistake at a polling place, you can ask for a new ballot, it's not a big deal. If you asked for a vote by mail ballot but want to vote in person after all, the best approach is to bring your vote by mail ballot so they know you're not voting twice; I think failing that it is possible to vote provisionally, which means they won't count your ballot until after the regular ballots and only after they check to make sure you didn't also vote by mail. It is also possible to vote provisionally at a polling place that isn't the one you were assigned to, for instance if the one near your job is more convenient. Normally your assigned polling place will be the closest one to where you live.

And you legally cannot post a photo of your ballot on social media (or eg a personal blog -- play it safe and don't take a photo of your ballot at all.) There is a good reason for this, it's to prevent coercion, so that eg your boss, or an abusive partner or parent, can't go "you have to vote for this candidate OR ELSE." Or rather, it means if they do that even though it's super not legal, you can lie to them and they won't have a way to check.

On that note, one of the biggest reasons that attempting to use social pressure on social media to force people to vote blue is never going to work, is...you can't check. It's relatively easy for people to just say they will, but actually voting is hard and inconvenient and none of us have any way of checking whether a mutual is saying "vote blue, you gotta!" and then quietly not voting. I don't think it's good anyways, but fear of social rejection tends to increase people's tendency towards dishonesty and hypocracy, and on social media between people using fake names who do not know each other off line, it is completely impossible to actually enforce conformity. All that can be enforced is saying the right thing, not doing the right thing. And sometimes the saying is the doing, but... saying you're going to vote is not the same as actually filling out a ballot.

If you like the election guide stuff and want to share it but don't like part of what I'm saying, feel free to copy/paste and make your own post.

*bias tends to be a relative thing not an absolute thing, and people motivated to get more people to vote are almost never conservative (the conservatives generally benefit from voter suppression, which is why they're always going off about the realistically trivial amounts of voter fraud), but less biased is a very real thing.

[healingheartssociety]

Thinking a lot right now about how much society pushes certain milestones onto teenagers and young adults in particular, and how if you don't meet these milestones when society thinks you should, you're shamed and humiliated for it. How is this supposed to help anyone? How did we as a society get to this point? And it's not just older adults who will shame you; often it's your peers in your own age group who will ruthlessly make fun of you if you're not doing all the same things they can like driving or working a job.

As a personal example, we're bodily almost twenty years old and still don't have our driver's license, much less even have any experience behind the wheel. The one time we ever drove a car, our older cousin nagged at us to do it until we gave in and laughed at us for having such a bad panic attack that we could barely breathe. We otherwise love our cousin, but this experience alone has put us off from learning how to drive for some time now. Before we graduated high school, it felt like we were the only senior who couldn't drive. Granted it's not our fault we've never been able to learn; our mother hasn't been able to own a vehicle for almost seven years because she lives off of government assistance and the cost of insurance and monthly car payments is just way out of her budget.

For the longest time we've felt like such a failure of an adult for not yet having a job or a driver's license. Every time we're around family, it's always "when are you going to start driving?" but not one person ever bothers to actually teach us. In school we marveled at the kids who could just.... try again a couple days later if they failed their driving test because their parents could afford it rather than waiting until the next month when their budget allowed for it. Knowing how to drive is a privilege. Owning a car is a privilege. Not everyone has the time or the money to learn how to drive, and these people shouldn't be shamed for it.

We're slowly learning to accept that we'll just make ourselves miserable by constantly worrying about "catching up" to other adults our age, but it's not easy by any means. We even compare ourselves to our partner systems, asking ourselves why we can't just grow up and be as "mature" as they are and get a job like them. But to get a job you need an ID, which we also can't get right now due to finances. We call ourselves lazy, childish, and pretty much every other insult under the sun....all over situations that largely aren't even our own fault. We can't help that vehicles, even cheap ones, are too expensive for us or our mother. We can't help that our circumstances have prevented us from being able to do all the same things our peers can do. We're working on fixing it, of course, but those are just the cards we've been dealt in life. And we can take comfort in knowing we're not alone in this experience.

Take life at your own pace. It's okay if you can't drive yet, or if you haven't tried alcohol or weed, or if you've never had sex when it feels like everyone around you is doing it on the regular. We all have different circumstances and don't all grow and develop at the same pace. Do things when you're ready and be gentle with yourself. It's okay to take your time.

[revengeofthelobotomyladies]

In England there's a theory test app, half the test is multiple choice on road safety/rules/signs etc and half on hazard perception

It's pretty easy to get a theory tests and you have up to 2 years after passing to get your license before you have to take it so most get it done straight away

The DVLA reckon it takes an average of 45 hours of practice with an instructor (at anywhere between £30-40 an hour) and 22 hours of private practice in your own car to pass with an average 48% pass rate (so technically you can be taught by a random but it's not reccomended lol)

It's near impossible to get a test for at least 7 months in the future (bc of covid and bots) so if you manage to get an official one it'll cost £62, otherwise you need to get a cancellation which can cost upwards of £120

Then your actual test is like 40+ minutes, 20 of independent driving (either using sat nav or road signs, they say on the day) and 20 minutes of instructed driving which involves pulling up on the left & setting off safely at least 6 times and then one of the 4 main manoeuvers (reverse into a bay/drive into a bay/parallel park or pull up on the right & reverse for 2 car lengths) but they can also ask you to do an emergency stop or a hill start on top of that

also 2 "show me, tell me" questions about general car things like how to check the tyre pressure, clean the front windscreen etc

Plus they have hundreds to test routes and it's randomised so you could end up with really good conditions and a great route or shitty conditions and a shitty route which balls you up

You're allowed 0 serious faults and up to 15 minor faults but you fail if you get more than 3 of the same fault, you can fail for all sorts like not driving in a bus lane when it's open etc (a lot is ridiculous stuff that normal drivers do)

Then insurance premiums are sky high when you pass and a lot won't insure you or want millions depending on the type of car

Plus you're very restricted in some senses lile you need separate tests for basically every type of vehicle now and if you learn automatic you have to do the test again if you wanna drive manual etc

so it's definitely not encouraging 😂

So I agree with the anon that says it's about time and money, thats definitely a major problem but they definitely do discourage you by making it so difficult to learn and pass, at least here they do idk about the rest of europe

(It's really interesting to see those videos where seasoned drivers try a modern driving test because they nearly always fail lol)

I would 100% fail there lmao

Here you can get your learners permit by studying on your own or in class. I got mine in high school at age 15 but I think you can attempt the test as early as age 14. You have to get 80% on the learners written test to obtain a learners license. Then you do the 6 (or more I don’t remember, I got my learners 15 years ago🫣) drives with the driver trainer. They give you a little card saying you’ve completed training and you present that when you go for the final road test. If you’re in high school you have to wait until you’re 16 to try, I can’t remember if there’s a wait time if you’re an adult. You’re supposed to be going on practice drives with a licensed driver in this time.

I had a horrible driver trainer who would scream at me and she really scared me out of driving and also no one had the time or energy to practice with me. So, I sat on my learners for 10 years before I went for my road test. It was kind of embarrassing because my training card was dated from like 2010 or something but it was still good I guess. You can practice as long as you need to. I pretty much just taught myself to drive. 😬

It only costs $55 dollars to go for the road test and there is a cancellation fee. If you fail you have to wait a little while before you can try again. It used to be even cheaper a few years ago at $22. Absolutely crazy.

Once you pass there are restrictions for about two years. If you have no incidents in the two years you’re good to go.

I think I’m a good driver compared to a lot of people here. Like it’s really bad here. But the province is like YOLO I guess… 😅😳

[kingflups]

🍅 🍦 🔪 🍄 for writers truth or dare pretty please!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

For Leon and Luis (Resident Evil)! Who else is it going to be, I haven't had much else inspiration beside those two lately lol

Luis never got his drivers license. Or rather, not techniquely. Growing up where he did, in rural don't-believe-in-modern-technology Valdelobos, who was going to teach him? Once he got to college, he could either walk or take the bus. Sure, he had friends teach him how to drive, and Sure, him and some other children were taught how to drive farm trucks at maybe too young an age (because prior to the cult taking over, they had to get supplies sometimes) but Luis never learned legally.

When he was on the run, he was very careful to never break any road laws.

In AU's where Luis lives, he moves to the states and when they set up an ID for him, they ask if Luis knows how to drive. He says yes. It's not his fault no one asked any details. So he drives around even though he never actually took a drivers class or passed any test.

And he would never, ever, ever tell Leon. Leon wanted to be a cop. I don't think there are a lot of things Leon would loose his cool over, but this is one of them. Driver's classes are literally there to protect other people from crashing in a metally, horrible death. And Leon, who's primary character trait is literally wanting to protect people, would loose his mind. It doesn't matter Luis is the just the most careful driver that's ever been. Its the principle.

Along the same lines as Leon wanting to be a cop, people head canoning Leon as a stoner makes me laugh. I think it's because they look at older versions of him and assume personality wise he smokes (which is still fun, btw).

But look at this baby. Resident evil 2 Leon has never broken a law in his life. This guy still thinks weed is a hard drug. He would leave a party if people were drinking underage. I don't care if he was only a cop for one day before that illusion got shattered, he doesn't touch a joint until he's at least 25. (You can convince me RE4 Leon smokes though)

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Back when I was actively writing my gravity falls fic monster falls, I had a wonderful idea to have a chapter set in town. I thought it would be cool if I had readers send me their OC's to fill up the background. I will. NEVER. do that again. It was fun, but that fic was so popular I got so many submissions and so many monsters I had to research to describe properly, because god FORBID I not research every monster people sent into me. Werewolves and shark mermaids were easy. But some of you..... some of you beasts (said with love) sent me the most obscure fucking folklore. To this day I know one of them had to be from an anime I still don't know

People who just sent me there fursonas and called them were-whatever animal still make me smile

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

God damn you. Fuck. Okay. I don't usually hate characters (dislike? yes, but they usually fit well in their world so I don't hate them) so I had to dig into the recessive of my brain for this one.

This is Sentinel Prime from transformers Animated. I haven't watched this show in probably... ten years? But I fucking hate him. Seethingly so. I got angry writing this. I hate him.

Great antagonist. Show sets him up as an annoying glory hound and makes the audience believe he will likely be due down the line for a redemption. Instead, his power hunger drives leads him into becoming a literal dictator being puppeted by the actual primary villian of the show. Don't be fooled- Sentinel is just as much a powerful antagonist in his own right. In my opinion, part of the reason Transformers Animated is remembered so fondly is because characters like Sentinel starting as irritating but almost allies. The irritating tendency to lie and cheat is treated as a character flaw and nothing more, and it ends being the very thing that throws their planet back into all out war.

Consistent. In a flash back, Sentinel ditches series protagonist Optimus and charcter Elita in the mines when they get attacked. Upon finding out Elita survived, albeit disfigured, instead of being relieved, Sentinel calls her gross to her face, even though his actions (or disactions, really) are what left her that way. For a second I thought this was going to be his moment of self reflection, but it absolutely was not. He's so buried into believing his own false retelling of the past he doesn't comprehend any of this as his own fault (at least, not out loud). And honestly, it's a great move. The writers really commit to the fact the Sentinel makes up his own truth, and once he does, he does not relent.

A very fitting critique for military nepotism babies? This was something that I didn't fully grasp as a kid, but as an adult looking back, the animated team really did a great job on Sentinel. He rose through the ranks through nepotism, making others take the fall for his mistakes, and funding war criminals to move him ahead; and it worked. The series was sadly cut short before their final season due to licensing issues, I would have loved to see the end of Sentinel's arc.

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing

To start using an outline and then actually use the outline. But I should be realistic here. I think I would benefit from shorter piece lengths. I feel like I focus so much on the actions I want characters to take that I miss out on the opportunities to really describe feelings, environments.... sometimes, things just feel flat. My personal goal this year is to focus more on descriptive language and not just direction. Maybe now that I wrote that down I'll hold myself to it...?

[twobuckhowie]

Okay Already

   I know. I promised to write a four or five part story called "Do You Believe," with each part coming out two to three days from one another. But life seems to be getting in the way of my writing.

   First the good news. My second eldest daughter has just moved back home this past week and she has brought along her boyfriend. He is polite enough to stay still and listen to my stories about my adventures that my kids have already heard or don't have time to listen to. Poor guy.

   Now for the bad news. My driver's license has to be renewed before my birthday or I'll lose it and have to start from the beginning again. So I decided I would get the Real ID driver's license since we will soon need it to fly domestically.

   So I am at my local DMV office, right now, applying for my new license, when I am told I will have to take a written test to get my new Real ID license.

   "Okay," I say to the slow-loris looking DMV representative. "I have been driving for over sixty years. I think I can handle a little thirty question questionnaire."

   But that's why I am sitting here, angry as hell, after taking the test for the third time and waiting for my final result! I'm going to lose my license right here, right now! (bleep)

   It used to be, the test would ask you about certain driving situations and what would you do if you found yourself in those situations. Then they would ask questions about different shaped signs and their meaning.

   Then off you would go, terrorizing the neighborhoods with your inattentive driving.

   Not now! Now, in the State of California, you have to memorize stuff like; What is BAC, What is the alcohol level for someone over 21 years of age, and What is the BAC level for someone under the age of twenty-one?

   Who the (bleep) cares! Just don't drink and drive and the problem is solved!

   The worst part is, just before I started typing this post out on my phone I read in a news feed that the the requirements to have a Real ID has been pushed further out, until May of 2025! (bleep) I could have waited! (bleep)

   My name is being called. (bleep) I'll finish this (bleep-the-bleep bleep) post right after they cut up my (bleep-the-bleep bleep bleeping) license!

Um, never mind. I Passed!

This is, I Never Doubted Myself For One Minute

Jim Hauenstein

And

“Never put off till tomorrow, what may be done, the day after tomorrow just as well.” - Mark Twain -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment

I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading

Be kind to everyone

I'll be seeing you

Thanks again

I will be continuing "Do You Believe" in a day or two. Just been really busy.

"Happy Holidays Everyone!"

[terrimood]

Ktm 390 adventure

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On the other hand, numerous reports of reliability issues ranging from cracked fuel tanks, electronic failures, and other issues of varying severity came to surface. On the one hand, the bike was lauded as one of the most off-road, performance-oriented, entry-level adventure bikes in the market. The KTM 390 Adventure, which first made its debut in the global market in 2020, was met with both praise and criticism.

[starriwonderland]

How the Twst Characters Would Drive a Car Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 3

Characters: Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore

Genre: Crack headcanons

Warnings: None

Part two because y'all on Instagram said yes :>

• I think Azul was one of those who was nervous while taking the driving portion of the test.

• Probably started a taxi service but it failed due to Jade and Floyd

• It's DEFINITELY gonna cost you to get a ride in his car.

• Tries to get you to sign a contract for VIP services

•2/10 recommend, no one gonna pay 15 thaumarks for a ride down the street.

• Jade is one of those drivers that'll make you feel uncomfortable and awkward.

• He read somewhere that people prefer a quiet driver and now he's on another extreme.

• Don't try to start a conversation with him in the car because you'll end up doing all the talking.

•Yes mushrooms are growing on the top of his car. Don't ask why.

• You know that smile he does with his eyes closed? Yeah that's him the entire ride.

• How did you not crash???

• 5/10 recommend, unless you want mushroom spores on you.

• Floyd as your driver is an ... interesting experience to say the least

• Literally will volunteer to take you anywhere then halfway to your destination pulls over and gets out of the car because he's "Not in the mood anymore" and pouts about it

• Another time he kicked everyone out of the car while giving that scary look, nobody argued with him because they weren't interested in getting squeezed.

• A completely reckless driver and one of the reasons why Azul doesn't have a taxi service anymore.

• 0/10 recommend, I never signed up for a horror experience.

• As if Jamil would ever let Kalim drive.

• Kalim knocked down all the cones while taking the driving portion of the exam. "Wow that was great fun let's do it again!"

• If Kalim somehow got a hold of the car keys he'd crash into a tree although no one got hurt.

• Well it's not like he needs to drive anywhere, he could have a personal chauffeur as he wishes, and he also has his flying carpet.

• Jamil doesn't need the headache of worrying about Kalim dying in a car crash

• Kalim would probably order a party bus instead. R.I.P. JAMIL

• 11/10 recommend party bus sounds like fun.

• All Jamil wanted to do is drive as a way to have some alone time, so tell me why are Kalim, Silver, and YOU in in the car.

• He's telling you guys it's fine, but internally he's screaming and annoyed.

• Kalim wants to touch all the buttons and switches in the car out of curiosity "Oooo what does this do?" "KALIM DONT TOUCH THAT!!!"

• Afterwards Jamil "Kalim-proofed" his car's dashboard to keep him from causing a car accident.

• Jamil doesn't mind taking you in his car, he just needs a moment of solitude.

• 6/10 recommend. Don't ask Jamil for a ride unless he offers you.

• I can see Vil enjoying a drive from time to time.

• He'll give you a ride if you really need it.

• Not always available and let's you know he's not your personal taxi man.

• Would probably take the opportunity to scold/lecture you on something you did earlier.

• You're listening to his choice of music in the car.

7/10 recommend. -3 points for lectures/scolding me (I know you meant well)

• Rook would be there coincidentally right when you needed a ride. Every. Single. Time.

• He probably has hunter gear in the trunk

• Opposite of Vil he LOVES to taxi you around, even encourages you to ride with him more often.

• Ignore the photos of your peers that litter the car's floor.

• compliments you the entire time or writes a poem of the top off his head about you.

• Knows the best route to get somewhere. Knows where you want to go before you even say it... 👁️👁️

• 1/10 nothing wrong with his driving skills, but Rook is kinda creepy /hj 😭

• Definitely would drive a truck

• Loves showing off his pickup truck driving his friends around

• Loves his truck more

• Definitely a road rager

• Vil confiscated his license after he heard about Epel going off the deep end. Vil talked Epel's ear off about responsibility.

• Yeah Epel can only drive while supervised now R.I.P.

•9/10 recommend, but it was more fun before Vil ruined- intervined.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I’ve got an idea! How about a Police reader who arrests Felix for drunk driving before the kids die?

Finally a good ending we deserve-

.........

Being a police officer who worked late shifts meant that some nights were quiet, while others were...tense. But even slightly tense situations could turn deadly if you weren't quick and careful with your response to them.

It's truly a matter of life or death, not only for you but also for those surrounding you. So you had to be on your guard even if nothing remarkable was happening.

Sure, the roads along Saint Juana's forest were quiet especially at this time of night, though from experience you knew it didn't always stay that way..

Such as right now for instance, when a sleek black car was barreling down the road. It practically flew by your own car, swerving in a way that was all too familiar to you.

In a way that a distracted or drunk driver would.

Welp, time for you to go to work.

"So much for a peaceful night.." You sighed to yourself, turning on your lights and sirens before you began following the car.

'Please cooperate and make my life easier.'

...........

"Uncle Felix? That cop's following us, slow down."

"I know, Eddie. Just...damnit, why now? I just wanna go home and...and sleep." Felix slurred as he gripped the wheel, his vision growing hazier by the second. He was anxious about getting caught, and for a moment he thought about speeding up to lose the officer.

He had no idea there was even one on these roads.

"C-Can you stop, please?" Molly pleaded, hugging Rocket as she looked back at the blue and red lights. "You should always stop for the police."

Although his drunkenness clouded a majority of his judgement, he managed to have enough sense to listen to her. He reluctantly pulled over and stopped, groaning as he rested his head on the wheel.

Maybe the kids were right. Maybe he drank a bit more than usual. He forgot how much he even had, but it wasn't his fault that the school had a "drinking zone" established.

Regardless, he was glad he stopped driving for the time being. Now he can just take a nap and forget the world.

Forget the divorce..and Ja-

Tap tap

The sounds startled Felix wide awake, though he saw it was you--the officer--at the window. He rolled it down and smiled up at you. "Evenin' officer."

"Evening." You greeted, noting that his breath practically reeked of alcohol. "You were speeding quite a lot. You nearly took out my side mirror."

"Oh...Oh fuck..I'm sorry 'bout that. I'm just trying to get my friend's kids home. I'm supposed to get 'em back by nine." Despite his attempts to act sober, he was clearly failing.

Ed and Molly remained silent in the backseat, not wanting to snitch and accidentally anger their uncle again.

"I understand, but may I see some license and registration?"

For a few good moments, he seemed to forget where he put those. He was even struggling to get his ID out of his own wallet, which made you fully convinced he was drunk driving.

"Ah, Felix Kranken?" You hummed as you looked at the card. The name was familiar. You've seen it show up in advertisements for a new restaurant that would be opening soon, alongside the other founder's name.

"Y-Yeah, the one and only." He chuckled.

"Do you mind stepping out of the car for me?" You asked politely, returning the ID to him. "I have reasons to believe you're under the influence and...possibly endangering those kids." As you spoke, you peered into the window to see the two clearly worried kids. "So I need to run some tests."

Felix's heart sank into his stomach, realizing just how screwed he was. Absolutely everything went wrong with his life today.

Not only did Linda divorce him, but Jack couldn't be bothered to ask if he was doing okay, instead making him be a "taxi service" to his two youngest children.

And the fact you were probably going to arrest him, which would ruin his chances to help Jack open the business he worked so hard to bring to life, became the last straw.

He choked out a drunken sob, shaking his head. "I-I'm sorry, I'm..I'm just so tired. I just got divorced and..I-I'll admit it..I got serious problems. Do you have to arrest me? Is there anything I can do??"

"If you're admitting that you're drunk, then..unfortunately I have to arrest you, Mr. Kranken." Honestly, you felt bad for the guy. But you needed to consider the possibly of him trying to use his position and personal problems as an excuse.

No matter who he was, or what was going on in his life, he wasn't above the law.

"M-My life is over. Oh god..wh-what am I gonna tell Jack?!" Felix began crying, but he complied in stepping out of the car, although he abruptly collapsed to his knees. He didn't even try to get up.

Your heart broke a little as you heard Molly trying to console him, telling him "everything is going to be okay."

For young children, they were so calm and understanding as you explained why you were arresting their uncle--reassuring that neither of them were in trouble--and got their dad's contact information, which was conveniently written on their bunny plushie's tag.

You were glad you stopped the car when you did..or god knows what could've happened to them.

On the other hand Felix was acting like the child, sobbing and hiccupping when you handcuffed him and led him into your car. He seemed more terrified of his business partner finding out than the fact he could've killed Ed and Molly.

Either way, it was better than him being an angry drunk. You've come across quite a few of those uncooperative jerks who denied they were drinking, even trying to run away from you while handcuffed.

But even so...seeing his tearful face as he apologized over and over was a difficult sight.

You were just doing your duty. And you've possibly saved all three of their lives tonight.

That was all that mattered.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of PD: Season 5: PTSD (A Halstead brothers + Halstead! sister imagine)

As always, I don't own any quotes from 5x01 of Chicago PD!

Your age: 16

Jay's age: 30

Will's age: 32

"I just talked to Ballistics. The bullet that hit the little girl was a nine-millimeter."

"I thought the bangers were firing 45s."

"They were."

"You're saying I shot that little girl?"

That. That was the conversation that was replaying in Jay's head as he sat on the couch of his apartment that afternoon. How could he call himself a cop, a good cop, if it was him who shot that girl? He should've known that there an illegal daycare center there, even though no one could've known, he still should've figured it out somehow. But, he was taking heavy fire and he did what he needed to do. But, that didn't make him feel any better. A little girl was in critical condition and fighting for her life at Chicago Med because of him. It was all his fault.

***

Your mind wandered back to the day earlier in the year when it was your sixteenth birthday...and you had gotten the iPhone that was currently blowing up with Twitter notifications all about Jay.

You had gone for breakfast with your dad because he had completed the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and was doing a lot better. He also had visitation rights after he completed the 12 Steps, so he had the right to see you. Since you were 16, you could refuse, but you didn't want your dad to feel bad. And, from what you had heard from Will who had been going to see how he was doing to see if it was safe for you to see him, he was doing really well.

During breakfast, he had given you a gift. You opened it and immediately recognized the bracelet.

"Is this Mom's?" you asked. "I thought you said you couldn't find it when I asked for it when I was like ten."

"I've kept it all these years, I was just waiting for the right time to make sure you'd be able to take care of it and not lose it."

You remembered playing with the charm bracelet when you were little when it dangled off your mom's wrist. There were a bunch of different charms from places she had gone, such as Mount Rushmore, Washington DC, a record charm that she had bought in Hollywood, and for other special occasions, such as a steering wheel charm she got from her parents when she got her driver's license, a graduation cap she got for graduation which she also got from her parents, a wedding dress charm which symbolized the day she married your dad, among other charms.

"Thank you," you replied as you held back tears.

He'd changed, he'd recovered, but there's still no way you'd go back to live with him.

***

"How was breakfast with Dad?" Jay asked as you walked into the apartment after you had breakfast.

"Good. He's doing really good, Jay." You walked up to him and opened the small gift box you were holding. "He gave me this." You held the box out to him and he smiled.

"Mom's charm bracelet?" You nodded. "Want me to put it on you?"

"Please."

Jay's breath hitched as he took the bracelet out of the box. It was like he was holding a little piece of his mom, and this piece of your mom would forever be with you the moment he fastened the clasp.

"It's perfect," you said as you fiddled with a few charms.

You both sat in silence for a few moments, just thinking about the fact that this was your mom's and it was now yours.

"Ready to go get your license?" Jay asked, breaking the silence.

"Is that even a question? Yes!"

You had taken your driver's test a week ago after completing the long process of going through two segments of driver's training classes, taking a written test, securing your learner's permit, and accumulating 50 or more hours of driving practice with either Jay or Will.

Jay chuckled at your excitement. "You good with how you look? You'll have the same license photo until you're 21, you know?"

"Let me go put on some lipstick!"

"Not that super dark reddish-purple one!"

"Yes, that super dark reddish-purple one! It's my favorite and it looks good on me!" you yelled as you ran to your room.

Once you had applied your lipstick, you and Jay made your way to the Secretary of State with all the necessary documents for you to get your license.

***

"Why's my license vertical and not horizontal like yours?" you asked after you exited the building with your brand new license.

"You get a horizontal one when you're 21. Just makes it easier for us cops to identify if you're underage if we ask for your license. And for bartenders to know you're underage if you try to buy alcohol."

"Oh, okay."

"You wanna drive?" Jay asked you.

"Sure. It's no different than me having my permit, though because you'll be in the car," you pointed out.

"So, you don't want to drive."

"No, I do!"

"That's what I thought."

He handed you the keys and you unlocked his truck. You both got in and you started adjusting the seat and the rearview mirror.

"Don't forget to--"

"Adjust the side mirrors. I know, Jay, I know. We've been through this a ton. Trust me."

"You're essentially driving a missile down the road, excuse me if I get nervous."

You rolled your eyes and started to drive, but when you were supposed to turn right, he told you to go left.

"Where are we going?" you asked.

"The district," he answered.

"Why?"

"You'll see. Just drive. I'll give you directions because we both know you're bad with those."

"Shut up!"

"What? We both know it's true!"

"No comment."

When you got there, Jay told you to park in front of what he called the "roll-up". To say you were confused would be an understatement; you didn't even know what this was!

"It's where we load our weapons and drive out sometimes. It's the basement," Jay explained.

"Where the cage is?"

"How do you know about that?"

"Adam told me about it. And then when you and  Erin were on  a lunch run for everyone, he showed it to me."

"I'm gonna have to talk to him about that."

Once you finished parking, you turned off the car and handed the keys back to Jay. Then, Jay did this weird, complicated knock on the garage door of the roll-up.

"Surprise!"

You were met with Will standing there. Behind him, was a car, with a bow on top.

"Is this mine?" you asked.

"Yup," Will confirmed. "Dude," he said to Jay, "You're lucky Goodwin let me out early."

"2010 Buick," Jay said as you walked over to examine the car more. "Seized it from a mob boss two weeks ago. It was going to be impounded, but Kev's got a really good car guy, so I didn't have to pay a lot for it."

"Wait," you started, "So this is just from you, Jay?"

"My gift is in your driver's seat," Will said and then he tossed you the keys. Somehow you caught them...you weren't the best when it came to hand-eye coordination.

You unlocked it using the fob and opened the driver's side door. There, on the driver's seat, was a box. And, not just any box: an Apple box.

"Is this...?"

"Open it." Will smiled.

So you did and you squealed so loud that Jay covered his ears. "Damn, high-pitched screams...sometimes worse than the sound of gunshots."

"Sorry! I'm just so excited! I can't believe I got a car and iPhone! You guys are the best! I love you guys so much!"

"We figured it'd save me a ton of time in the morning not to have to drive you to school and, if I get called into a case early or stay at work late, then I wouldn't have to find someone to drop you off or pick you up. And, figured I could always track your phone if necessary," Jay answered.

"I knew there was a catch," you answered.

"Always is," Will joked.

"Are there traps still in the car?" you asked, causing Jay's eyes to go wide.

"How do you know about those?"

"I watch crime shows."

"No," he answered. "Made sure that was one of the very first things Kev's car guy did: remove the traps."

"Aw, man! I was gonna have fun with those!"

"And put what in them?" Will asked. "Candy? Those fancy pens you like?"

"One, there's two different kinds I like: Papermate pens and calligraphy pens. And two, a little bit of this, a little bit of that."

"Care to specific on what those might be?" Jay asked.

"Not really."

"May I remind you that I am a cop and can toss your bedroom like--" He snapped his fingers. "--that."

"Don't you need a warrant for that?"

"It's my house, so I can do what I want. And, I hope I don't need to bring charges against you for whatever you're hiding."

You burst out laughing. "You guys, I'm kidding. I just wanted to see Jay's reaction when I mentioned traps! I wouldn't do anything...especially with Jay as my brother. I'm not that stupid."

"Oh thank God," Jay sighed.

"Can we go? A little birdie let it slip that there's a surprise party for me at the apartment."

Will glared at Jay. "What?" Jay asked as he put his hands up in a sign of surrender. "I promise you I did not say a single word about it."

"Mhm." Will rolled his eyes.

"Y/N, would this little birdie be Ruzek?" Jay asked.

"No comment."

"I am never telling him anything remotely secretive again."

But now, you kinda wished you didn't have that phone. Because, all over Twitter, there were people who didn't even know your brother who was saying that he was a racist cop and a child killer.

***

You walked inside to see a very distraught Jay. he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. And, even though you could only see one side of his face from where you were standing, you could see the dried tear tracks on his cheeks.

"So, it's true?" you asked. Jay jumped and looked at you. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"H-How do you know what happened?"

You sat down next to him. "Twitter. My mentions were blowing up."

"Y/N, you gotta believe me. I wouldn't intentionally shoot a little girl--"

"Jay, I believe you."

"At least she's at Med. Will said she's got a good chance of making it."

"Oh, you didn't hear." He furrowed his eyebrows. "She passed away. I got a notification about it like an hour ago. I'm so sorry, Jay."

"Fuck," was all he said as he buried his head in his hands and began sobbing.

You wanted to comfort him, you really did, but you had no idea what to say. You knew Jay was a good cop and, whatever happened, you knew that he wouldn't purposely kill an innocent little girl. So, you just put a hand on his shoulder as he continued to sob, reminding him that you were still there.

"I'm gonna go talk to Will," he said as he stood up a few minutes later.

He walked over to the kitchen sink and splashed his face with water and dried it with some paper towels while you walked over to him.

"I'll drive you," you told him. "You're not in any shape to be driving right now. I know you'd tell me the same thing."

"No, Y/N, I can drive myself."

"This isn't up for discussion, Jay."

"Yes, it is. My picture's all over the internet. If someone decides to come after me, I don't want you near me out in public. I need you to be safe. Just stay here. Please." His voice cracked on the last word.

"Fine."

"Thank you."

"But please try your best to get home in one piece."

Jay nodded and grabbed his jacket. "I'll be back soon."

But, what he was thinking was totally different. After what I did, I don't deserve to come home in one piece.

***

Jay stormed into the ED just as Will was leaving a treatment room and Will caught sight of Jay and walked towards him.

"You said she was gonna make it!" Jay practically yelled.

"Hey," Will said, quieter, trying to use his trying-to-calm-down-a-patient-voice to hopefully make Jay calm down.

"You said she was gonna..." Jay took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Hey, I said she had a chance, okay? She was in bad shape. Lost too much blood."

"I know."

"There's only so much we can do."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just...the bullet came from my gun. Even though I was aiming at an offender, it went through his abdomen and through a fucking door and into her, Will. Even though it was an accident, I still shot her. I killed an eight-year-old little girl. I killed her."

***

"50-21 George!" Jay yelled into his radio. "I'm taking heavy fire! I got two civilians down in the north alley behind the building."

"This is Sergeant Hank Voight. Advise responding units to shut down a two-block radius."

"Help! Help!"

Jay turned his attention to the building and when he saw it was clear, he pushed open the wooden door and entered.

He nearly choked when he saw what happened.

It was you. You were eight years old, clutching Beary in one hand while Hailey held you and tried to stop the bleeding.

"Y/N!" He had no idea why you were even here, maybe your parents couldn't afford a good, legal daycare center because of your mom's medical bills, but whatever it was, you were here, and you had somehow been shot. He kneeled down next to you and all but threw his sniper on the ground.

"Alright, I'm gonna call an ambulance," Hailey said.

"We don't have time." Somehow, he was aware of where his keys were in his tactical gear. "Go get my car. Fast."

He handed over the keys. "Ready?" Hailey asked as Jay positioned his hands above hers to try and stop the bleeding the minute she removed her hands.

Jay nodded and quickly replaced Hailey's hands with his as she sprinted off to get his truck.

But, then the scene changed.

It became hotter. Jay could feel the dry heat in his mouth and in his throat. He felt the sweat trickle down his face and back. He felt beads of sand on his hands and arms. He looked down to see you resting your head against his leg. And, he wasn't in his normal clothes that he'd wear to work. No, he was in his Rangers uniform.

He had his hands over the same spot on your chest as he had in the daycare center. And, you still had Beary in your hand, albeit a very loose grip on him.

You coughed, causing some blood to come out of your mouth.

"No, Y/N, not like this. Not like this." He removed one hand from the wound and applied all the pressure he could with one hand while he reached for his radio. "This is Halstead to Base." Crackles. "This is Halstead to Base." More crackles. "Please. This is Halstead to Base. I need a med truck now! My sister's been shot." No response. "Please. She's only-- She's only eight years old." His voice cracked. "Please."

You coughed once more and Jay knew trying to reach Base was useless at this point. Jay took his canteen and dabbed a little bit of water on your face and smeared it around, trying to clean the blood off your face. But, as fast as he could clean it, more would come up and out of your mouth.

You let out a strangled breath. Jay knew that sound. That was the sound of someone's last gasp of air that they'd ever take.

"Y/N, please. Please, Short Stack. Stay with me. Help will come. Please, just hang on a little longer."

Then, he saw the all too familiar look of empty eyes in front of him. He let out a strangled sob as he placed his fingers on your eyelids and gently pulled them closed.

Jay shot up in bed with a start. He reached for his chest, feeling for his radio to try and call for help again. It was only when his fingers brushed his bare chest that he realized that he wasn't in the desert of Afghanistan, but in the safety of his own bed, in his own apartment, here stateside, here in Chicago.

He went into the bathroom after his breathing calmed down and jumped into a freezing cold shower, hoping to get the image of an eight-year-old you being shot and killed by his gun out of his head.

But it wouldn't leave.

Jay dried off and then quietly made his way out of his room and over to yours.

He crouched down by your bed and watched as your chest rose and fell, signaling that you were in a deep sleep. You were sleeping on your side and had one leg thrown over the other and a few toes sticking out from under the covers. Beary was next to you. You weren't clutching him like in his nightmare, hell you weren't even holding him, but he was still in your bed. Jay was pretty sure that if that bear wasn't in your bed at night, you wouldn't be able to sleep, despite you being sixteen.

Jay longed to put two fingers to your neck just to check your pulse and make sure he wasn't hallucinating the rising and falling of your chest. But, he knew that was paranoid. He could trust his instincts now. After all, he was awake. There was no stifling heat, no hot sweat (at least, after his shower there wasn't), and no sand. All that was below him was the fluffy rug on your bedroom floor.

He slowly left your room and went back to his. But, instead of getting into bed, he tugged his comforter off his bed and grabbed his pillow. Then, he dragged those two things back into your room and settled down on your rug.

He knew it was probably paranoia, but after that dream, he wanted to make sure you were safe. He wanted to be close to you. Because, God, that dream felt so real.

She's alive, he kept reminding himself as he tried to fall asleep. And, that was the last thing on his mind when he finally fell asleep once more: that you were still alive.

***

Your alarm blared through your quiet room and you rolled over with a groan and turned it off.

"Christ, that was loud. How deep of a sleeper are you?" Jay asked as he rolled over.

You looked at him with sleep still in your eyes. "What are you doing in here?"

"Was a rough night." He yawned. "Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Okay...?"

"I say ten more minutes."

"Jay, I'll be late."

"I'll drive you, lights and sirens and all."

"Night."

***

"You okay?" you asked around 11:00 pm two weeks later when Jay finally got home from working a case.

"Yeah, just tired," he answered as he went to put his badge and gun away in his room.

"Are you sure it's just that?" you asked when he came out from his room in pajamas.

"I'm sure. Why are you asking?"

"You had that street fair bombing case and two weeks ago, a bullet from your gun--"

"Y/N, I'm fine. I promise. don't you have to get to bed?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday. I don't have school tomorrow."

"So it is. I'm gonna turn in. See you in the morning."

"Aren't you gonna eat something?" you asked.

"I'm not really that hungry. Goodnight."

You knew something was off, but you weren't going to push it, so you just grabbed the remote and started looking for a movie to watch.

***

You coughed, causing some blood to come out of your mouth.

"No, Y/N, not like this. Not like this." He removed one hand from the wound and applied all the pressure he could with one hand while he reached for his radio. "This is Halstead to Base." Crackles. "This is Halstead to Base." More crackles. "Please. This is Halstead to Base. I need a med truck now! My sister's been shot." No response. "Please. She's only-- She's only eight years old." His voice cracked. "Please."

You coughed once more and Jay knew trying to reach Base was useless at this point. Jay took his canteen and dabbed a little bit of water on your face and smeared it around, trying to clean the blood off your face. But, as fast as he could clean it, more would come up and out of your mouth.

You let out a strangled breath. Jay knew that sound. That was the sound of someone's last gasp of air that they'd ever take.

"Y/N, please. Please, Short Stack. Stay with me. Help will come. Please, just hang on a little longer."

Then, he saw the all too familiar look of empty eyes in front of him. He let out a strangled sob as he placed his fingers on your eyelids and gently pulled them closed.

He saw a figure moving towards him and in his hand, a grenade.

"Would you like to join her?"

Jay jolted awake, breathing raggedly. He tried to catch his breath and swallow, but it was no use, the familiar feeling of bile was rising in his throat and he dry heaved all the way to the bathroom before he finally emptied what little was in his stomach into the toilet.

Meanwhile, you furrowed your eyebrows as you slowly opened your eyes. You thought you had heard gagging, but it was gone now, so you tried to close your eyes and go back to sleep. But, then you heard gagging and the sound of something hitting what sounded like water.

Wait, was Jay sick? He never got sick.

You got out of bed and walked over to his room and quietly opened his door. From the dim light of the bathroom, and the disheveled covers on his bed, you knew he was in the bathroom.

"Jay?" you asked as you crept towards his bathroom.

"Y/N, l-leave. Please, just leave me alone ri-right now." You could tell from the sound of his voice that he was panting as if he had just run a marathon.

"Are you okay?"

No. "I'm fine. Just a stomach bug or food poisoning. Go back to bed."

You poked your head into the bathroom. Jay was leaning against the bathtub without a shirt on, with sweat dripping down his face. His mouth was wide open as if he was trying to capture as much oxygen as was humanly possible.

"Maybe I should call Will. I don't think he's on shift."

"Y/N, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You don't look fine at all."

"Y/N, go back to bed. Now."

"But--"

"I said go to bed! So how about you listen for once and just fucking do that? Jesus!"

Your breath caught in your throat. You'd never heard him yell like that...not directed at you at least.

"O-Okay."

You trudged back to your room and laid down. But, sleep didn't come for a while as tears rolled down your cheeks.

Jay put his head in his hands. He had yelled at you. Not only that, but he had sworn at you and you were just trying to help. God, he felt like a terrible brother, a terrible guardian, an overall terrible human being.

He tugged at the roots of his hair, hoping the bit of tugging from that physical pain would calm the mental and emotional pain that had been stirring inside of him for weeks. For weeks he's been like this. Ever since he had been put on his medication, he hadn't even had a nightmare and now he's had them every single day, and he's scared to sleep. What kind of police detective and ex-army ranger is afraid to sleep when they're safe in their own house? He was one of them and, God, he hated himself for it.

Not getting more than three restless hours of sleep per night was starting to have an impact on him at work. They all knew that a sleepy cop was a dead cop, but Jay was still alive. But, there were downfalls, such as getting jittery from all the caffeine he was ingesting early in the morning and then crashing and almost falling asleep doing reports when he had to work late. Well, he didn't have to work late per se, he decided to work late to put off sleeping. He knew none of this was helpful and none of this would solve the problem, but he thought it would be fine. Everything would be fine and the nightmares would eventually go away. They always do. And then everything would be normal again in his brain.

God, he longed for that: the normalcy.

So, for the umpteenth night in a row, he grabbed a pillow and a blanket and made his way to your bedroom to sleep on the floor to make sure you were alive. He put his watch on vibrate and set the alarm for 6 am because he knew you wouldn't be awake that early...especially not on the weekend.

Only when the irrational part of his brain was sure that you weren't going to die, did he finally find solace in sleep.

***

Went to get coffee with Will and to work on homework. Be home eventually, you scribbled on a sticky note and stuck it on the back of the apartment door before you left. Jay had gotten called in to work a case earlier this morning, and you needed a change of scenery to work on some AP World History homework.

You grabbed your backpack, keys, and wallet, and made your way to the parking garage. Then, you left.

About ten minutes later, you arrived at the coffee shop. Not seeing Will, you set your stuff down and went to grab a coffee and a muffin. Don't get it wrong, Jay still didn't like the fact that you drank coffee, but you only drank it when you went out to get it. It wasn't like you drank it every morning or drank two or three cups a day like he did.

You started to read your textbook and take some notes on the vocab. You were so focused that you jumped when Will slid into the chair across from you and said your name.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Lots to do?"

"Not a ton," you replied. "Just gotta read a chapter and take some notes. Then I'm done with homework for the weekend."

"So, you said you think something's up with Jay?" Will asked.

You had texted him that morning to see if you could meet up because you were worried. You had seen how tired he looked and how he poured his coffee into a larger tumbler than normal, one that was almost double the size of his normal one. Bags under his eyes and more coffee than normal had given you the impression that Jay was no longer sleeping, and rightfully so.

"I don't think he's sleeping," you told him.

"And you know this how?" Will asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because he looks like shit- sorry, he looks like crap, and he drinks a ton more coffee in the morning than he normally does."

"Maybe he just doesn't like the coffee at the district and is bringing more from home," he suggested.

"I don't think so."

"Is he still working out? Still going to the gym?"

"I think so. I'm usually still asleep when he goes, so I wouldn't know either way."

"Anything else?"

"Uh, actually, yeah." You closed your textbook. "I'm pretty sure he was sick last night."

"Sick? Like how sick?"

"He was puking. I wanted to call you but he told me no."

"How'd you find him?"

"Leaning against the bathtub, no shirt, dripping sweat, and mouth wide open."

"I see," Will said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Last night when I mentioned calling you, he said he was fine. But, when I pushed, he told me to leave and when I told him no, he yelled and cursed at me."

"He swore at you?" Will grit his teeth.

"Yeah," you whispered. "I don't know what's going on, Will. He hasn't been himself lately."

"Hey, I'll figure it out, okay? I'll make sure he's okay. I can even come over later tonight and check him out if you want me to."

"He'll fight you on that."

"I'm used to unruly patients. Is that what you--" His phone rang and he held up a finger to you to wait for a second while he answered. "Hey, Maggie. What's up?" He paused and then sighed. "I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and started gathering his stuff.

"What? Did something happen and you have to go to work?" you asked.

"Oh, something happened all right. I just got a call saying Jay was brought into Med."

You started to pack up your backpack and grabbed your keys. "I'll follow you there."

***

Jay didn't know what happened. One second he was driving, blinking heavily, the next Hailey was yelling at him and had reached over to grab the wheel, but it was too late. He was too close. When he opened his eyes, he tried to slam on the brake, but it didn't help. The next millisecond, he and Hailey crashed into an electrical pole in Pilsen.

He was awake after that.

"What the hell happened?" Voight asked after he had thrown his car in park and he and Al rushed over to Jay and Hailey.

"I think he fell asleep at the wheel," Hailey answered as she and Jay both stepped out of the truck.

"I did not," Jay protested.

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain you just running into an electrical pole when there weren't even cars running us off the road?" Hailey yelled.

"I didn't fall asleep! I'm fully awake! Just drop it, Upton."

"Drop it? You do know if we would've hit that at full speed and it fell on us that we could've been electrocuted to death, right?"

"But that didn't happen--"

"Halstead, Upton, I'm bringing both of you to Med to get checked out. After that, you're going home to get some rest, Halstead. You look like hell," Voight told them.

"Sarge--"

"This isn't up for discussion. Get in the damn car." The two detectives walked to Voight's car, while Voight turned to Alvin. "Call Platt to get us some patrolmen to help. You good waiting here for them to pick you up while I bring them to Med?"

"Yeah, go. I'll handle this."

When Jay finally got to Med, to say he was not happy would be an understatement. He didn't need to be in the hospital and he sure as hell didn't need to be kicked off the case and told to go home to get some rest.

"Mags, what room is he in?"

Shit, they had called Will.

"Treatment Four."

Will walked into the room followed by you.

"You didn't have to come, neither of you did."

"Well, too bad," Will said. "Should've put her as your emergency contact instead of me. Oh wait, you can't, she's still too young. Guess you're stuck with me."

"All set," Hailey said as she walked in. "You ready to go?"

"Who's this?" you asked.

"My new partner," Jay told you. "Hailey, this is Y/N and Will, my siblings I told you about. Y/N and Will, my new partner, Hailey Upton."

"Nice to meet you. I've heard good things."

Will scoffed. "Would one of those good things be that Jay absolutely hates hospitals and I always have to make sure he doesn't leave against medical advice?"

"He didn't mention that, no."

"Well, either way, nice to meet Jay's new partner. Do you mind if I talk to him? Privately?"

"No problem."

Will turned to you. "You too, Y/N. Go grab some food or hang out with Hailey or something."

Will focused his attention on Jay when you and Hailey had left the treatment room. "Y/N told me she doesn't think you're sleeping and from what I heard from Maggie about why you were brought in here, don't even bother lying to me."

"I'm fine, Will, really. Nothing to worry about."

"Fine then. I'm gonna go order a blood test."

"Blood test? You're not even on shift! And, you can't even be my doctor if you were!" Jay protested.

"I read that April's your nurse, so I'm going to go find her and tell her to order a blood test then."

"Why?"

"To see if your plasma cortisol levels are elevated and if your cortisol testosterone levels have decreased," Will answer matter-of-factly.

"And you need those because...?"

"If the plasma cortisol level is elevated and the cortisol testosterone level is lowered, then those are both indicators that you haven't been sleeping. Be back, little brother."

Jay groaned and threw his head back. He didn't think he'd need to be stuck with a needle today. If only had put someone else down as his emergency contact, then this wouldn't be happening. Or, if his brother just wasn't a doctor or didn't work at this specific hospital then this wouldn't be happening, either.

***

Jay was walking you to school when you were eight years old. On your back, you had your backpack and you were holding Jay's hand and skipping to keep up with his long strides. Jay chuckled at how cute and innocent you were. He didn't want you to ever grow up.

"Jay Jay," you started, causing him to look down at you, "Did you get all the bad guys when you left?"

"Why do you ask?" He swallowed. He knew if you asked the right questions, he might not know how to answer them. And, his last tour was horrific, losing all the members of his unit except Mouse...the burning Humvee...the combatants still coming towards them...

"I don't know. I just wanted to know if there were any left?" you asked.

"There probably are."

"Do you have to go back there? Do you have to leave again to go fight the bad guys?"

Jay's breath hitched. He was honorably discharged after what had happened, so he wouldn't have to back. But, as he was thinking about how to answer you, the scene changed.

Screaming. All he could hear was screaming and the crackling of flames.

He looked around saw the scene from his last tour, his Humvee flipped over with all the members of his unit currently burning to crisp. He and Mouse had been walking behind, keeping watch of their six which is why they weren't in there.

"Help! Jay Jay, help!" He heard you scream and racked his brain from where that could be coming from because you were an ocean away, no way were you actually there.

"Dude, your sister's in there!" And Mouse took off running.

Jay quickly caught up to him. "What? She's not here! She's at home in Chicago!"

"No, she's not! You couldn't bear to leave her, so you brought her with you!"

Okay, now Jay knew he was caught in the midst of a nightmare because he would never do that. He would never bring a little girl into the midst of a war where she could get hurt or killed. Damn that melatonin he took that night because he was currently in so deep a sleep that he couldn't wake up.

"Jay Jay!"

He took off running again and came up to the edge of the Humvee. Your leg was crushed under it and it was one of the only parts of the vehicle that hadn't caught fire...yet. He needed to get you out and he needed to get you out fast or else you would be burned to death. But, to do that, he knew he'd be sacrificing your leg.

"Mouse! Get me a tourniquet and the biggest knife you have! Make sure you sterilize it!" Jay shouted. You let out a whine.

"You're doing a field amputation?" Mouse asked as he grabbed the supplies.

"I don't have any other choice." You let out a whimper. "Hey, hey, look at me. Focus on me. I'm gonna get you out of there."

"P-Promise?" you asked as tears ran down your cheeks.

"I promise. Now I need you to hold really still and be a brave girl, okay? Can you be brave for me?" You nodded as Mouse handed Jay the equipment for the tourniquet. "This is going to hurt," Jay warned you as he slid the piece of fabric underneath your leg and then started tying it.

You screamed out in agony.

"I know, I know. But, It's gotta be tight. It's gotta be tight, kiddo."

"Jay! Nine o'clock!"

Jay turned to his left and pointed his gun straight at the combatant.

"Jay...Jay..." he heard your voice wavering as you tried to get his attention. But, it didn't sound like your voice. It sounded lower, more mature even. "Jay, please." the voice that sounded like you was pleading now. "Jay Jay, please. You're- You're safe."

Jay snapped his eyes open.

There you were, at sixteen years old, holding your hands up in surrender. He was home, in Chicago.

"Jay, please," you whispered once more.

It was only when he looked down that he realized he must've thought you were the combatant in his dream because he had his service weapon pointed straight at you.

He dropped his gun onto his bed. "Y/N, I- you gotta believe me. That wasn't--"

But you were already running out of his room to grab your keys and get as far away from Jay as possible.

***

Will was awoken to a loud knocking on his door at 2:37 in the morning. "Who the fuck is here right now?" he muttered as he rubbed his eyes and stood up and threw on a shirt.

But, all his anger at being woken up at this ungodly hour washed away as he looked through the peep-hole and saw you, tears still streaming down your face.

He yanked the door open. "Y/N, what are you doing here?"

"He pointed a gun at me!" you wailed as you entered.

Will shut the door and made his way over to you. "Who? Did you tell Jay? Where were you?"

"Jay was the one who did it, Will! He pointed the- the gun right at me!"

Will's breath caught in his throat. He had his hunches that Jay was having nightmares again based on what you had told him and based on him falling asleep while driving and based on his blood work, but he didn't think they'd have gotten this bad. "Are you okay? he asked you quietly.

You shook your head and Will led you over to the couch.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You sighed. "I heard him scream, so I woke up to see what was wrong. When I walked- When I walked into his room he was squeezing his pillow with his hand like he was holding something. He was dripping sweat."

You paused and took a deep breath.

"It's okay," Will told you. Take your time."

"Then, he just, he just whipped around and grabbed his gun from- from on top of his nightstand. I don't why it wasn't in the safe where it usually is. And that's when he..."

"That's when he pointed it at you?"

You nodded as tears rolled down your cheeks. "I said his name over and over and he finally snapped out of it."

"And that's when you came here?"

You nodded again.

"Well, how about we put on a movie, and then you can try to get some sleep. I'll stop over at Jay's tomorrow when you're at school. I'm pretty sure you have some clothes here just in case."

"Thanks, Will."

"No problem, Short Stack."

***

Jay heard a knock on his door the next day. Will had texted him and told him that you were safe and at his place because Jay had been blowing up Will's phone looking for you. So, at least he wasn't worried about that anymore.

Jay sipped his beer and waited for the knocking to stop, but it just became increasingly louder.

"Jay, open the damn door!"

Reluctantly, with beer still in hand, Jay stood up and opened his apartment door. "What the hell are you doing here?" Jay asked.

"Gimme that," Will said as he ripped the beer bottle from Jay's hand after he'd entered his apartment. "And, for your information, I'm making sure you're not drinking yourself to death." He looked around at the two other empty beer bottles on the counter. It wasn't even one o'clock in the afternoon yet. "Which, I guess I came just in time."

"Just let me drink it." Jay tried to take the bottle back, but Will held it out of his reach. Then, he made his way over to the kitchen sink and poured it out.

"Shit, man. I paid for that."

"I don't really give a damn right now, Jay. You pointed a fucking gun at our little sister. She came to my place bawling last night. You're lucky she didn't get into a car accident because of how distraught she was when she was driving."

"I know, I know. I fucked up, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, you fucked up all right. This is probably the single-handed worse thing you've done in your entire life."

"Did you just come here to lecture me?" Jay yelled. "If so, the door's that way and you can get the hell out!"

Will sighed. "I didn't come here just to do that, but I needed to get that out first. You need to talk to someone about this, Jay."

"I'm talking to you. Isn't that enough?"

"A trained professional."

"You are a trained professional."

"I'm a trained medical professional, not a trained psychological professional."

Jay sat on the couch and put his head in his hands. That scene from last night had been replaying in his head for almost twelve hours now.

Him hearing your voice...seeing you with your hands raised while they were shaking...how much of whisper your voice was...the feeling of guilt that swallowed him whole when he noticed he was holding his service weapon...you sprinting out of the house in the middle of the night...

"Jay," Will said, snapping him out of his thoughts. "You still with me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. Sorry." He paused. "Last night, I guess I was so out of it that I forgot to lock up my gun and left it on my bedside table. If I had just locked it up, this wouldn't have happened. If I just wouldn't have taken the melatonin, this wouldn't have happened. If I was just able to fucking sleep this wouldn't have happened."

"How long haven't you been sleeping?" Will asked gently.

"The nightmares started when I shot that little girl, Will."

"Jay, it's been weeks since that happened."

"I know. And they just keep getting worse. At first, it was Y/N who was the little girl I shot when I was chasing the offenders when the bullet went through the illegal daycare center. And then, they started turning into me being overseas and Y/N somehow being with me and her being shot over there. Last night- last night was the worst."

"You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to."

"Thank you," Jay replied. Because in all honestly, that was one of the worst nightmares he's ever had since getting on his medication.

"Is that why you're sleeping on Y/N's bedroom floor?"

"How'd you know? I didn't even think she knew."

"She knows. She said she'll wake up in the middle of the night and you'll be there, on her floor, with a pillow and a blanket, and you'll sneak out before she wakes up."

"I just, I needed to make sure she was safe. I needed to make sure she was still alive, Will."

"I really think you need to talk to someone. Maybe ask about getting your meds increased."

"I've been on the same dose for over two years now. You really think they'd need to be upped?"

"It's a possibility. But, we need to talk about Y/N now."

Jay sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, we do. I have no idea what to do, Will. I'm supposed to be her legal guardian and I couldn't even keep her safe. I was the one who made her feel not safe."

"I know it's gonna be hard for you to hear this," Will started, "but, she doesn't want to come back here for a little while."

"Yeah, I figured that when she didn't answer my texts."

"Listen, she and I talked this morning, and if you go see someone today or tomorrow and see someone about getting your meds upped, she'd stay with me for two weeks so the meds have time to get into your system, and then we'll go from there."

"So, all I have to do is get my meds upped?"

"Well, that might be the best option. But, I still think you should talk to someone, Jay. Either a therapist or a psychiatrist or even a veteran's support group might be helpful."

"Okay. But, can you just tell her that I'm so sorry? And that, I wasn't in my right mind? I didn't know it was her, I swear."

"I know you didn't. Now, no more drinking, you have appointments to schedule." Will paused. "Have you talked to Voight? Maybe you shouldn't be working while you're trying to figure this out."

"I do not need to take time off."

"Yes, you do. Do you want our little sister to hate you or not?"

"Fine. I'll take two weeks furlough."

"That's all I ask. Please do not get shitfaced because I will babysit you if I have to."

"Then who's gonna stay with Y/N?"

"I'll figure something out."

***

"You're sure I'm good to go back?" you asked Will as you walked into yours and Jay's apartment building.

"Y/N, he hasn't had a nightmare in a week and a half. Everything's gonna be fine," Will answered.

"I know. I know I shouldn't be scared of my own brother, but, uh, what happened that night, it was..."

"Terrifying?" Will finished for you.

"Yeah, that."

"Well, I'll be there the entire weekend in case anything happens."

"Thanks, Will."

***

Later that night, you laid in bed, trying to fall asleep. But, you couldn't. You just couldn't shake the feeling of walking into Jay's room to try and wake him from a nightmare and having a gun pointed right at you. You couldn't shake the feeling that maybe tonight was the night that Jay would have a nightmare and end up sleepwalking into your bedroom with his gun drawn.

So, you were sitting up in bed, at 3:30 am, having just finished your last movie an hour and a half ago with your lamp on and the current book you were reading open.

You heard the sound of your door opening and looked up.

You held your breath.

Jay was in your room.

"Y/N, what are you still doing awake?" he asked, slowly moving closer to you so he didn't scare you.

You sighed in relief. He was conscious. He was awake.

"I can't sleep," you answered honestly.

"Is it because of me? That you can't sleep?" You looked down and that was all the confirmation Jay needed. "Look, I'm sorry. I know I've said it a lot these past few weeks, but I'm truly sorry. You have to understand that it wasn't me."

"I know. I just, you scared you me, Jay. I was scared I was going to die that night."

"Y/N, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened."

"And you haven't had any nightmares?"

"None in over ten days," he answered.

"Then why are you in my room? I know you come in here sometimes after you have nightmares."

"I came to make sure you were sleeping. Will mentioned you were nervous and I know you don't like to sleep when you're nervous."

"Oh." You paused. "Can you tell me what you were dreaming about? When you pointed the gun at me?"

"Y/N, I'd really prefer not to. I don't want to go back there."

"I get it," you said. "It's traumatic. Like how even though Dad isn't drinking anymore, I don't want to go back and live with him."

"Exactly."

You moved over. "You can come sit if you want." Jay sat down on the bed next to you and handed you Beary so that he didn't squash him. You closed your book. "Can you tell me a story?"

"Like a fairytale like when you were little and Mom would make me read those princess books to you?" Jay chuckled.

"No, maybe a you and Will story or a me and you story from I was little and don't remember much?"

Jay thought for a second until he found the perfect one filed away in his brain under Y/N stories. "Do you remember that time when you brought your first aid kit on your bike because you had just made it in girl scouts?"

"A little, but not really."

"Okay, I'll tell you that one then."

"Jay Jay!" little seven-year-old you exclaimed as you run up to Jay. "Ride bikes with me?"

"I think my bike has a flat tire, but I can get my skateboard. Is that okay with you?" Jay asked.

"Yeah! But Mommy said you gotta wear a helmet because she said we gotta protect our heads," you told him while putting your hands on your hips.

"That's right! How could I forget that? I'll be right back and then we can go, okay?"

"Okay!"

While Jay ran off to find his bike, you ran off to get your first aid kit that you had just made in girl scouts and Beary to put in the little basket on the front of your purple princess bike.

You waited for him and when he reappeared with his skateboard and helmet, he asked what you had.

"Beary and this I made in girl scouts yesterday," you told him. "It has bandaids and this white tape and white soft stuff and wipies."

You handed it to him to take a look. Inside, there were different sizes of bandaids, medical tape, gauze, and antiseptic wipes. "This is such a good first aid kit, kiddo!"

"Thank you!"

You got your bike out of the garage and clipped on your helmet. Jay pressed down on the horn attached to your handlebars before stepping onto his skateboard.

You two rode down the street and then Jay got to a ramp that some kids had made. There was one ramp, a gap, and then another ramp.

"Jay Jay!" you exclaimed. "Can you go on that?"

Jay had gone on homemade skateboard ramps like those hundreds of times. Hell, he'd even made one home and he and Will would do kickflips in the air when going on it when your guys' mom was home. She'd have a heart attack if she saw her sons doing that.

"I can even do a trick while I'm in the air," Jay told you.

"Really?" you asked, your eyes going wide.

"Really. Wanna see?"

"Yes please!"

Jay started a few yards back from the first ramp and started propelling himself forward, gaining speed. Then, your jaw dropped as he skated onto the first ramp and into the air.

"Whoa," you whispered to yourself as he did his kickflip in midair between the two ramps.

But, Jay had overestimated the distance between the two ramps, so when he landed, he landed on the road and not the ramp with way too much force, causing him to fall off his skateboard and land on the ground, scraping his hands across the road.

"Jay Jay!" you yelled as you quickly kicked down your kickstand and grabbed your first aid kit. "Are you okay?" you asked.

Jay stood up and grabbed his skateboard. "I'm fine. Just a little blood, nothing to worry about."

"You're bleeding? Where? I can fix it."

He held up his right hand where his palm was a little bloody. You started to open your first aid kit and Jay knew there was no point in arguing with you, so he just crouched down to your height.

You grabbed a bandaid and started to open it. "You gotta clean it out first, nurse," Jay told you.

"Oh. With the wipey-thingies?"

"Yes, with those."

You opened one of the antiseptic wipes--with Jay's help because those were really hard to open!--and wiped down his palm. Then, you put the bandaid on.

"All better!" you exclaimed as you put the trash back into your first aid kit. "Can we keep going?" you asked.

"We sure can!"

You ran back to your bike and put the first aid kit into the basket next to Beary and then you got on your bike and caught up to Jay. And then, you were off around the block again.

"We really thought you were going to be a doctor or a nurse after that," Jay said. "But, then you realized you hated both math and science." He looked down at you. "Oh, you're asleep."

He set your book on your nightstand and turned off the lamp. Then, he slowly crept out of your room and closed the door, and went back to his room to fall into a nightmare-less sleep.

Despite Will sleeping on the couch, things were back to normal in yours and Jay's apartment and neither of you could've been happier.

A/N: Hey guys, I wanted to get this posted before I'm away for the weekend and probably without internet. As always, thank you for reading, and please reblog/like and comment! I love hearing what you guys think, as it gives me tons of motivation to keep writing! If you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things 

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#129

“Oh this one will do. Oh yeah, now we are talking. Those last two have nothing on this one. What’s its height 5′5″? An inch taller than what I said would be my maximum, but I like what I see…. Slave, turn around. Let me see that cunt. Spread those cheeks…. That’s a pretty cunt, nice and pink. Oh did you see that? It winked at me. It wants me to pick it….

"Slave stand up and face me…. It says here, that the slave is 19. It seems that it looks younger than that. No I don’t need to see its driver’s license. I don’t need to know about its previous life. It also said on the paperwork that its pecker is ‘small’. How small is ‘small’?… Well ‘small’ is not a measurement. You know of my requirement of at most four and a quarter inches or less. I am not going to be flexible about its shortcomings as I am about its height. I have a nine inch cock, and I want my cock more than twice its size.

"Remove the cock cage and bring me a ruler. I don’t give a shit if it’s against policy to remove a cage. How the hell am I going to take it on a test drive, let alone purchase it, if I don’t have access to its pecker? Good. How long has the cage been on it? Seven weeks! So its balls must be full. Ahh, here’s the key. Oh and you have that ruler. Your office slaves move fast. Holy shit, that really is tiny. Jesus fuck! I didn’t know that they came even that small. Let’s see how small it is…. Slave, start jacking off to get hard…. Again, I don’t care about your regulations. I want to see it hard. Ha! Look! It only uses two fingers to tug on it…. You hard yet slave?… Good. Hands down. Step forward. Let me see…. Hand me the ruler. Damn, it’s all foreskin. Seriously, there’s so much overhang…. Now slave, don’t move. I want to…

"Jesus! Three and a quarter inches! And if I retract the foreskin, it’s just below three! Hot damn! I’m three times as big. I’ll take it. Bring me the paperwork…. Slave, you are going to be mine. I want you to jack off right here and now, in front of every one here. I’m going to give you two minutes to cum. Then I’m going to fuck your cunt, my new cunt, with your cum as the only lube. If you don’t cum then I am going in dry. Let me know when you are going to shoot; I want to catch it on my cock. Get to it, faster! I have details to finalize….

"Ok, where do I sign? Ok. Now let’s discuss modifications. Of course permanently hairless from the nose down. It gets to keep its teeth for now. I may change that once I fuck its mouth. So leave that part blank. No adding of tattoos or brands. I want it flawless. No castration. But I want that foreskin removed. Absolutely gone. I’ll be back to pick it up after you complete the modifications. Looks like it’s ready to cum…. Right onto my cock head slave. Hehe, this would be a good time for me to take my battering ram. See how hard you got me, and mine’s three times as big! Do it slave! Shoot! I said shoot! What the fuck? After all that time, that’s it? Damn. This is going to be painful for you. Get on all fours facing away, with my cunt as high as it will go…. Um, while you guys have it for a little longer, see if you can train it to somehow produce more jiz. And none of you need to leave. In fact, I love having an audience as I claim my new cunt. I am not stopping as I go to the root. Here comes the screams.”