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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 11 months

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Destiny & Deliverance Chapter 4

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: “This must be the ‘fucking scary’ side that I heard about.”

I awoke to my neighbor’s alarm going off, again. I didn’t want my Tuesday to start like this. I was annoyed, but it really wasn’t even that loud. A normal person would probably sleep through it. I laid there attempting to go back to sleep. It went off again twenty minutes later. Seriously, what is the point of hitting the snooze button? Just get up already and be done with it.

I rolled over and grabbed my phone to do a quick email check. I had an email from Aubry saying she hoped my trip was going well. Nothing else. She was phishing for information. I hit reply and typed out, “It’s fantastic.” then hit send. She was going to love that. I was giving her nothing.

I sat there for a moment wondering if Dieter had social media. This is a slippery slope, I thought. Then I opened Instagram anyway and found him. It was a verified public account, so I’m not sure what I expected to find. There was a lot of promotional stuff for his movies and shows. Some pictures from his travels. Typical celebrity stuff most likely. The latest post was an advertisement for a talk show that was happening this morning. I went to the search bar and entered his name in. Tons of images came up. Pictures of him out with friends. Paparazzi images of him walking around LA. I actually felt kind of bad for the guy. He couldn’t even walk down the street without someone shoving a camera in his face.

The alarm next door went off again ten minutes later. I huffed and threw my phone down on the bed. I decided to get up and start my day. My morning started the same as yesterday’s, minus the encounter with Dieter. Joe was waiting for me with coffee and a blueberry scone at 7AM. Megan met me outside the building when I arrived. She shared a funny story about her dog on the way up to the office. I felt like she was slowly warming up to me.

I spent the entire day doing observations and meeting with different staff members to ask questions. My lunch break was quick. I scarfed down the chicken alfredo that Megan had ordered, then immediately got back to work. I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed with the amount of information that was coming in. I was starting to worry that maybe I wouldn’t be able to get through everything before the end of the week and I still hadn’t come across any obvious red flags. I was concerned that I had missed something. That familiar feeling of anxiety was really starting to kick in by the end of the day. I, of course, did not let it show. I was also feeling pretty exhausted. I thought about taking it easy on the workload this evening at the hotel. Maybe even try to go to bed a little earlier.

When 5 PM hit, I was ready to get out of there. I was peopled out for the day. Talking to people could be so mentally and physically exhausting for me since I tend to be more introverted. These were always my worst days. I would much rather be locked in a room reviewing data.

I walked out to meet Joe. He greeted me with a smile and again asked if I needed to make any stops before the hotel. I declined and slumped down into the seat. He didn’t try for any chit chat today. I think he could tell I was worn out. He just let me be. We pulled up in front of the hotel and he opened the door to let me out. He told me to have a good evening and he would be here at his usual time in the morning. I nodded my thanks and gave him a small smile.

I slowly walked into the hotel entrance debating on if I wanted to post up downstairs again while I had dinner or go back to my room and just eat junk food. I stopped in front of the restaurant and looked in. Not a soul in sight, except for Tim the bartender. He saw me, pulled out a wine glass, and started pouring whatever it was he gave me yesterday. I walked in and smiled thanking him as I took it to my back corner booth. He followed behind me.

“Tough day?” he asked.

“Not tough. Just long and I still have more to do.”

“Are we having a steady flow of wine and appetizers tonight?” he asked with a sympathetic look on his face.

“Why not.” I said as I shrugged. He laughed and walked back to put in my order.

I started pulling out all of my stuff and got to work reviewing more documents. It was an hour and a half later and a glass and a half of wine in when a voice asking to join me snapped me out of my intense focus. It was Dieter. I knew it as soon as I heard his voice. I looked up and he gave me that big, brilliant smile that made me want to melt. I smiled back, “Of course, have a seat!”

“I hope I’m not distracting you from your work. I can go somewhere else if I need to.”

“No! Not at all. Actually, I think I could use a distraction right now. I need a break. I told myself I was going to take it easy tonight, yet here I am.” I gestured to my stuff spread out on the table and gave an exasperated laugh.

“Well, if you insist on a distraction…” he chuckled as he sat down in the curved booth, rather closely on my right side. I could feel the heat from his body due to his proximity. It was a miracle that I could focus on anything else.

“So, how’s it going? Have you uncovered the big secret yet?” he asked with what seemed like genuine interest.

I sighed heavily, “No, not at all. I have suspicions, but nothing to back it up so far. I’m hopeful I’ll find something tomorrow when I really start digging into their data and tech stuff. I’m starting to get a little worried there may be nothing. Which, if that’s the case, it is what it is. The CEO doesn’t have any definitive proof of anything going on, he just suspects. I didn’t want details on the who or why yet. I don’t want any potential bias to affect what I am doing.”

“I am sure you’ll figure it out. You seem pretty intelligent.” he said as he gently bumped his shoulder against mine. I felt hot suddenly.

“Wha…what about you? Have you heard back about the audition or whatever it was you were anxious about?” I stuttered out.

“I haven’t. I think I should probably hear something tomorrow. I know they’ve inquired about my filming schedule, so that could be a good sign.”

“That’s awesome. Hopefully you’ll have something to celebrate tomorrow.”

Bartender Tim came over to take Dieter’s order. He ordered a beer and asked what I was having.

“I am partaking in endless appetizers and wine tonight. Feel free to have some of whatever I get surprised with next.” Dieter knitted his eyebrows together and started laughing at me. He looked back at bartender Tim and said, “Yeah, bring extra of whatever you're bringing her. We can split it. I’m down for a little appetizer roulette.” Bartender Tim sniggered at us and walked off.

“Bartender Tim and I have become BFFs already. He’s making sure I’m taken care of.” I said as I raised my wine glass as if to give a toast, then finished it off.

“How much of that have you had?” Dieter asked.

“Why? Do I sound drunk already? This is just my second glass. Trust me, I can tolerate more.” He chuckled.

“I don’t know about drunk, but you’re definitely amusing yourself. How long were you down here yesterday? I saw you as I was leaving.”

“A while..and you didn’t say hi? I feel insulted.” I said jokingly and lightly pushed on his shoulder. For fuck’s sake, I was flirting. I should stop drinking. It’s going to get me in trouble.

Bartender Tim came back with Dieter’s beer, cheese sticks and jalapeno poppers, more wine, and a glass of water for me. I didn’t even ask for the water. I think he was just doing me a solid before I got sloppy.

Dieter continued our conversation, “I actually wanted to pop in and say hi, but I was running late. As usual. A fucking disaster as you say. There just isn’t enough time in the day sometimes.”

My phone buzzed. Lauren always had impeccable timing. I tried to ignore it, but it kept buzzing. I looked at him and said sorry as I picked up my phone.

LAUREN: What are you doing?

LAUREN: I haven’t heard from you much. You need to take a break and call me.

LAUREN: I’m bored.

LAUREN: What do you want to do for our girl’s day when you get back? Maybe a spa day?

LAUREN: You DO need to learn how to relax occasionally.

I rolled my eyes at her. She always did this when she was bored. Normally I found it to be hilarious, but I didn’t have time for that right now. I hit reply.

ME: I can’t talk right now.

LAUREN: Why? Are you being held hostage?

LAUREN: If it’s because of work, then yes you can. Take a break already.

ME: I’m busy.

LAUREN: Are you ok? These are weird responses for you.

LAUREN: Waaaaaaaait. Are you with the hottie?

LAUREN: You better tell me if you are. You know you can’t lie to me.

Dieter was giving me the side eye.

“I’m sorry. It’s my best friend. She is being needy and ridiculous right now.” He gave me a raised eyebrow and a smirk. “That’s fine. No biggie.” I started typing out a response.

ME: Ok, yes. I am. We will talk later.

LAUREN: Hell yes! Get it GUUURL!

ME: Stop it. Bye.

I set my phone back down on the table. “Everything ok?” he asked.

“Yeah, she’s just bored. She gives me hell for working too much. She tends to be a bundle of energy, so she starts about five different conversations before I can get the first response in.” He laughed at my description of her.

“I can’t fuss about her too much. She’s been amazing the last few months. Helping me with things and all the drama I’ve been dealing with.” I said without thinking. Hopefully he didn’t ask me to elaborate.

“Drama?” he asked. I gave him a contemplative look. Ok, I guess we are going there, I thought. Without thinking, I put my right hand up to my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“I’ve been going through a divorce. He was an asshole and a cheater. I put up with it way longer than I should have. He really messed me up, but it’s done now. Hopefully I’ll never see him again.” I looked down at my glass of wine, expressionless and unblinking. Dieter reached over and grabbed my right hand away from my shoulder, breaking my thoughts. He sat it on the table and gave it a squeeze. I looked up at him and our eyes locked. I could feel my heart almost beating out of my chest.

“No one deserves to be treated like that. Karma is a bitch. It’ll bite him back one day. He’ll never be happy and live a miserable existence.”

He said it with conviction. At that moment, I felt like he was looking into my soul with his dark eyes. I could see the sadness hidden there again. It made me wonder if someone had hurt him in the past. He slowly let go of my hand.

I let out a measured breath, “I certainly hope so. Who knows, maybe one day karma may come in the form of slashed tires and sugar in the gas tank of his fancy car,” I said casually. I was attempting humor to lighten the mood. He took the bait and started laughing at me.

“This must be the ‘fucking scary’ side that I heard about,” he said through his laughs.

“Welcome to the show, I’ll be here all week.”

Thankfully that did lighten the mood. We spent two and a half hours chatting, eating, and drinking. The conversation and laughter never stopped. His fun and boisterous side was more evident now than our previous encounters. He had a hilarious sense of humor and even a touch of dark humor that I could appreciate. The small touches continued. He would lean into me and lay his forehead on my shoulder when he laughed. I had seen pictures of him with his friends appearing to do the same thing, so I couldn’t tell if this is just the way he was with people or if he was being flirty. He was very hard to read. I did, however, feel very at ease with him. My anxiety was non-existent once we got past the initial awkwardness. He seemed to be more at ease as well.

Around 10 PM we decided to call it a night since we both had an early start. I slowly stood up and started packing all my stuff that had been scooted to the other side of the table as he handed it over to me. I was still slightly tipsy.

“So…” he started to say, then gave a long pause. I stopped what I was doing and looked down at him. “Is it possible that I might run into you down here tomorrow evening? I should be done kind of early.” He looked down at the nearly empty glass in front of him and started lightly tapping on the table with his index finger. He was clearly nervous to ask. He kept his head lowered but looked up at me through his lashes while he bit his lip. Was he trying to give me a heart attack? My mind momentarily wandered to me biting that lip. I shook my head. What the hell was my problem? I suddenly felt embarrassed, like he could read my thoughts. I finally pulled it together enough to respond.

“It’s a very good possibility. We do have to celebrate tomorrow after all.”

He gave me a questioning look.

“We’ll be celebrating you getting that role. I have a good feeling about it.”

He gave me a huge smile and said, “Please don’t jinx it” as he got up out of the booth.

We walked over to the elevator and got on.

“Which floor?” he asked as he hit the number “9”. I froze and looked at him, slightly confused.

“What?”

“Are you on the 9th floor?”

“Yeah, why?”

The doors slid shut and I started laughing hysterically. Immediately thinking of Lauren talking about all the destiny garbage. This was getting comical.

“What’s so funny?” he said with a very confused look on his face.

“Nothing. It’s just that we’re on the same floor.” He kind of laughed too. The door slid open, and we both stepped off of the elevator. We stopped, awkwardly standing in the middle of the hallway. I had a gut feeling, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle the answer, but I asked anyway.

“Which room is yours?”

“The second to the end on the left side.”

I absolutely lost it and doubled over in laughter. “You’re the snooze guy!” I said through my laughter. He stared at me wide eyed and confused.

I finally got it together and had to wipe tears from my eyes. It was absolutely absurd at this point.

“Just so you know, I’ve been internally cursing you every morning because I can hear your alarm every time it goes off.”

“You can hear that?” he said in disbelief.

“Yes, I can. I’m pretty sure our beds share a wall.”

He looked slightly embarrassed for a minute, but then started laughing too. We began walking toward our doors, both still laughing and shaking our heads. We said our goodnights and keyed into our respective suites. Our eyes lingered on each other as we walked through the doors.

I walked into my suite and shut the door in utter disbelief. There is no way this is actually happening. I threw my stuff down on the couch in the sitting area and dug my phone out of my bag to text Lauren.

ME: You’re never going to believe this.

LAUREN: Well, hello to you too, jerk. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.

My phone started ringing. She wasted no time calling me. I answered, acutely aware that he was right next door. I was paranoid he could hear me. I stayed on the opposite end of the suite, pacing and talking in a hushed voice.

“Well? What’s the big news? Did you finally get laid?” Lauren said sarcastically.

“What?! No. Shut up. I am dying right now. His room literally shares a wall with mine. He’s next door. It’s his alarm that's been waking me up the last two mornings.”

She was quiet for what seemed like forever. Then there was a burst of laughter.

“You absolutely cannot make this stuff up,” she said through her maniacal guffaws.

“So, are you going to tell me what you’ve been doing all this time? I need details.”

“Not many details to be had. We’ve been downstairs at the restaurant talking. We realized our rooms were next to each other after we called it a night. We both laughed about it.”

“That’s all I get? Really?”

“Yes.”

“You. Suck.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want to read into anything that’s not there. I know if I tell you, we’ll both be doing that. Honestly, I think he’s lonely and just wants someone to hang out with who isn’t fawning over who he is.”

“Wait, so does he know that you know who he is?”

“No. I haven’t said anything.”

“Don’t you think maybe you should?”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t want him to think I was looking him up though.”

“Good point. Maybe it’ll come up naturally next time you see him. Assuming you do.”

I was quiet. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her we had already discussed dinner tomorrow.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Oh my gosh, fine. He’s going to be done early tomorrow, so we’re going to meet for dinner again.”

“Oh. Yeah. There is totally nothing to this,” she said sarcastically.

“That’s it. I’ve got to go. I’m tired. Bye. Goodnight.”

“Let me know how tomorrow goes!” I heard her yelling as I hung up.

I got ready for bed. After laying there in the dark for what seemed like forever, I reached for my phone and searched his name again. There were so many pictures and videos of him out with his friends. There were also a lot of him with people he worked with and at events. Nothing recent romantically linking him to any girls though. I skimmed comments on the pictures. On several, there were people arguing about his relationship status and preferences. Poor guy, no wonder he wasn’t dating anyone. The general public and paparazzi were all up in his business. I heard the faint sound of a TV click on, next door. It seems Dieter was having trouble sleeping too. It was nearing midnight, and I was still wide awake. Knowing that he was just on the other side of the wall was kind of driving me crazy. I could feel the magnetic pull, drawing me to him. I decided I was going to get up and take some melatonin in hopes that would knock me out. About 30 minutes later, I finally drifted off into another restless sleep.

A/N: Things really start heating up between our dear Dieter and Talia in the next chapter. I promise, it’s coming soon. 😉

Next Chapter

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ros3ybabe · 8 months

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Daily Check-in: October 11th, 2023 🎀

So I was wat more productive then I had thought i would be given the exhaustion I felt from jet lag. I am proud of what I got done! However, I only slept about 2 hours, and it was broken sleep at that so I am not exactly feeling top of my game at the moment. We'll see what my energy allows me to complete today.

🩷 What I Ate, Oct 11th -

Brunch/Lunch - Spaghetti with meat sauce and ground turkey, topped with grated parmesean

Dinner - Turkey & Roast Beef bagel sandwich with avocado, 1 slice muenster cheese, 1 slice cheddar cheese, and a small side of potato chips.

Snack - a half bowl of spaghetti with ground turkey and meat sauce

Extra - 4 cups of coffee, each with one sweet n low and a splash of French vanilla creamer

I actually cooked which is odd for me as I typically don't have energy. My goal for today is to cook a batch of ground beef for taco bowls!

🩷 Personal Achivements, Oct 11th -

Washed bed sheets + pillowcases

Did the dishes

Maintained Duolingo streak (1 lesson)

Maintained Busuu streak (3 lessons)

Video called with my boyfriend twice

Made a shopping list for langaueh tracker/bullet journal (purchased at 1am because Amazon prime big deals were ending and I wanted to save some money)

Made a schedule/routine for working out next week

Cooked myself a real meal

Swept kitchen and disinfected/wiped down counters in kitchen

showered + morning skincare

🩷 Academic Achievements, Oct 11th -

Completed and submitted lifecycle nutrition chart

submitted and passed lab 7 anatomy pre lab

submitted discussion post + replies for nutr discussion 3

I feel quite proud of yesterday! Let's hope today I can tackle some more stuff on my todo list!

🩷 Personal ToDo, Oct 12th -

cook ground beef for taco bowls (leftovers!!)

wash dirty laundry

put away all clean laundry

therapy appointment

video call boyfriend

morning + night skincare

morning + night journal (?)

do 2 duolingo lessons

do 2 busuu lessons

complete/continue genki I lesson one

type up draft for upcoming blog post(s?)

🩷 Academic ToDo, Oct 12th -

Chapter 9 Notes Psyc

Quiz Chapter 9 Psyc

Culinary chapter 10 Quiz

Consumer Debt Inventiry assignment

Using Credit personal finance assignment

I've put a lot on my to-do list for today, but if I can even get a third of each list done, I will still be very proud of myself. Productivity should not come at the cost of my own well-being. Maybe I'll take a nap today? My boyfriend thinks it's a good idea, but I'm not a big fan of naps regardless of the situation. We shall see.

I took complete advantage of the prime big deals on Amazon and ordered some new workout clothes, some hair accessories, a set of silk pillowcases, and supplies for my bullet journal language tracker/planner. I even bought this cute little journal that's made specifically for fitness and health tracking, as a little side thing of mine to help keep me going! It comes with stickers and already set up pages, so hopefully, it proves to be useful!

I may or may not have made an Ulta order for some makeup using my afterpay account as well, because as it gets colder outside I'm starting to want to wear makeup for fun again. I'm not typically drawn to full beat looks but in the winter I love going all out with my makeup looks, whether I'm doing a more grunge goth emo look or a soft coquette girly look and everything in between. I love makeup as a form of self expression!

May or may not buy some more skincare as well, I'm just trying to decrease the amount of stuff in my skincare cart on the shopping app but it's so hard choosing what to get now and what to wait on!! I'm super indecisive too so that intensified the struggle.

Thats all for today! I'll make sure to update you lovelies tonight/tomorrow!

til next time, lovelies 🩷

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regular-lord-reckoner · 3 months

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back by unpopular demand it's...me!

hi :3

uh so as of yesterday it's apparently somehow been six months since my dad passed which feels........utterly bizarre.

it feels like it's been a month at most to me and my mom.

like logically, yes, we know that much time has passed, but on another level it just...doesn't feel like it can possibly be that long. at all.

i'm really trying this time to not rush myself through anything, especially grief. i think that's part of why i got so stuck last time, i pushed myself to try to get back to normal too soon instead of just feeling what i feel.

it's not to say i'm not trying to work through it all or anything, but for me at least this shit just takes time.

i had a breakdown the other morning over fucking toaster strudels of all things, but they reminded me of him. it's one of those things he'd sometimes get from the store when he'd go grocery shopping and he'd always be so excited to tell me about them.

"i got us something there in the freezer," he'd say whenever i'd wander into the kitchen at some point

i miss so many moments like that, just the little interactions we'd have throughout the day.

i know i got to a point of being so completely burned out beyond belief that i didn't want to talk to anyone ever at any time and i wish i hadn't now because we could have had more of those moments, but it is what it is, i guess.

i'm still going to therapy and still trying to work through everything. i was doing all this work on primarily my mental health before he passed and then that became the main focus naturally so I'm slowly getting back to work on that as well.

My therapist also gave me a book to read she said would help me with some of the feelings i'm struggling with as far as feeling like everything and everyone else around me has moved on but i'm still stuck and all that so i'll be diving in to that soon.

i was doing okay for a while there as far as taking care of myself goes, but i think as we've gotten closer to the six month mark and that realization just keeps washing over me over and over again i've just been diving into work and chores and of course taking some time to just fuck off from work (but that usually means i end up doing work until right before bedtime so i'm trying not to do that as much.......still going to do some, though, they can't stop me!!)

that's been burning me out a little i can tell. so i'm trying to back off of that and actually i'm finally at a point with all my stuff where i'm caught up so that's a relief. there was some shit that went down a little while back that i might explain later in another post at another time but it ended up with one of my managers having to apologize to me over and over again because basically i wasn't doing something i was supposed to be doing but no one thought to tell me that soooooo i was unknowingly causing a bit of a clusterfuck for a lot of people so that was fun!!

also in more fun news my mom had to go to a walk-in last weekend (not this most recent one, but the one before that) because she woke up with a lot of pain in one of her arms. naturally the concern was for something heart-related but she said she didn't think it was that but more like a pinched nerve, so they checked her out at the walk-in and seemed to at least agree it wasn't her heart so that was good.

on the downside, though, after a few more tests since then it apparently is her neck. there's a bulging disc there that's indeed pinching a nerve and she's pretty sure she even knows which one in specific is the problem because it's also causing numbness in one of her fingers

i hope it's not something she ends up having to get surgery on, but i also hate seeing her in pain like this. both of her sisters had this same problem and ended up having to be operated on to fix it, so my mom's got an appointment coming up to have someone look at the tests she's had done so far over and assess the situation and i guess we'll go from there.

she's been able to get a little relief from some pain medication and even a round of acupuncture but it's been pretty rough on her. crazy how you can just wake up one day and just bam, some bullshit is going on!!!

anyway, aside from all of that we're doing okay. just taking each day at a time and am still squeezing in all the self care that i can and trying to be good to myself (although i can definitely tell i need to drink more water, i dunno why that's always one of the first things to go when it's like, dude, this literally has almost killed you, please drink the water, it's literally sitting right next to you at all times!!)

but yeah, dunno if i'll be on here more consistently or not; i don't want to promise anything i'm not sure i can keep because who knows how i'll feel tomorrow or a week from now or another month, another six, who knows! but!!

if you're reading this i hope you're doing well.

i know no matter what your circumstance is right now things in general are incredibly difficult and i hope you're also taking time to take care of yourself when/if you can.

i hope something really, really amazing happens this week. some really good news. for everyone.

anyway, i'll go now before i get too sappy but just wanted to end on a lighter note and wish you well. thank you for taking the time to give me and my troubles a moment of your time. have a good week! :3

#little update on how i've been if you're curious #and if not that's completely fine too!!#just take the :3

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rome-roy · 4 months

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Fetin is a British Palestinian woman, mostly known for her content about working in the Film and Television Industry, who has been working with grassroots organisation SafeBow helping give aid to Palestinians in Egypt.

This video was posted on Feb. 10th. She has since updated to say that they have reached 100k in donations, which is not enough as evacuation prices have gone up. Some adults are being charged 10k to evacuate, even babies can be charged up to 5k. If the border closes and they can’t get everyone they want out, they’re going to use the funds for prosthetics for airstrike victims, as well as housing, rent, and food, for evacuees in Egypt.

[Transcript:

Hey guys, so I’m going to have to talk in code during this video, but this is very important. In the Watermelon County (Palestine), there’s over a million people at the moment trapped in a very, very small corner of that country by the border. I need your help. And time is of the essence. We have maybe a day, or two days, to try and get as many people out as possible. The Blue and White Illegal State (Israel) has come out with a new plan which is to close to that border and force all those people — over a million people — to walk across the desert to go through their section of the country. Now I could get into a lot of information about why this is going to be incredibly, incredibly catastrophic. A lot of people will die. There will be no documentation of who’s going through and what happens to them. They have already said that they will shoot on site anyone they claim to be from That Resistance Group (Hamas). Which, as we know, is basically all men and even male children they deem to be apart of that group. Now, getting people out is the last resort, because no one wants that. We don’t- we don’t want to take out people from this place, away from their homes. But this is life and death at this moment. And there are people who are not going to survive going through the Blue and White Illegal State. We have emergency fundraising, we started it yesterday. We literally have a few days to get as many people out — like vulnerable people out — as possible, safely, away from the other border. I’m also trying to get a relative out that I know is trapped.

I have a link in my bio, um, for a PayPal. If you can, please donate. Uh, if you can’t, just share. Share or interact with this in any sort of way, just make sure to put code stuff in the comments. Or questions about other things, because again I’m- I’m very, very vigilant on the fact that I really need this to go out and that’s why I’m speaking in code. We’ve had 100% success rate in previous “getting people out” — I can’t say the word — um, but it’s just the fact that we literally have like two, maybe three days, to get as many people out as possible before this is enforced. Also, if you know anyone that is looking to get out as well from the Watermelon City, uh, please let me know. You can DM me and we can see if there’s any way that we can help them get out as well, safely. You can follow everything on my instagram. I am posting everything, I’m updating everything. You can see how much we’ve raised so far. And yeah, it’s um- sorry this video is all over the place, just because I’m. I’m so emotional and uh, I- I’m also just, health wise, not doing so well. But yeah. Thanks guys. /end transcript.]

LINKS:

Fetin’s Instagram and Tiktok.

PayPal.

#Palestine #free palestine #ceasefire now #signal boost #israel palestine conflict #palestinian genocide

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marvelmusing · 2 years

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Hey! I just saw your post from yesterday about not feeling well and as someone who's constantly ill because of a very severe anxiety disorder and some other bad health problems I'm gonna try an do my best to help you cheer up (or distract you I guess?) :)

Based on the asks you've already answered you got a lot of Billy stuff so I'm gonna share an Aleksander headcanon of mine instead in hopes that it'll help.

I feel like Aleksander is the type of person to never really hug people in public, not even his romantic partner. He's just not really used to touching people because of the whole amplification problem (and the whole Grisha aren't really save anywhere part ofc). However, if he ends up really trusting and loving someone he probably hugs them a lot in private to make up for the lack of physical contact in public.

And I don't mean normal hugs, I mean full on almost folding himself in half to get as much contact as possible type hugs.

He's also probably the type of guy to hug you almost to death while you sleep, pulling you as close as possible with either a hand or his full head on your chest so he can feel/hear your heartbeat and know you're safe and alive.

The type of man to hold hands during any and all activities while in private (unless it's literally impossible) and then stand at least two metres away from you as soon as you're outside, but always kind of hovering around you to make sure he can protect you if things go south. (this is taking a Aleksander is paranoid and touch starved turn that I did not expect or plan)

It's probably even worse after really stressful days, don't even get me started on how bad it would be after a few weeks or even months apart. He would probably spend a whole weekend after his return just in his rooms with you, glued to your side, holding you like his life depends on it. (Oh and imagine you're not the sun summoner! Just a mortal with a very limited life span. He would feel so guilty for leaving- okay now I'm rambling)

I hope you feel better soon! If you want more headcanons just say the word and I'll do my best to come up with more stuff :)

Thank you lovely, my anxiety is half the reason I’m in such a state at the moment (I ended up passing out on my walk home and falling on my face, but luckily didn’t need stitches otherwise I would have had another panic attack)

Anywayyyy…

Touch starved Aleksander is one of my favourite headcanons and having his love interest either unable to feel his amplification or suppress it in some way is something I usually try and put into my fics because he deserves all the cuddles.

Also YES. I am a firm believer that Aleksander gives the most all consuming hugs that vow to protect you from the rest of the world. Like if I could stay in his arms for the rest of my life I would be so unbelievably happy.

Even in public, he’s aching to be close to you, his fingers tracing over the back of your chair as he walks by you, or his legs stretched out, his foot resting casually beside yours under the table if he’s sitting opposite you. He always has his eyes on you, and is acutely aware of what you’re doing whenever you’re in his vicinity.

I’m imagining the first time you share a bed, and he’s tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. You mumble sleepily at him, encouraging him to move closer to you. You’re only intending to stroke your fingers through his hair in an attempt at settling him, but then he rests his head against your chest and something just clicks. Neither of you can sleep well alone after that moment.

I also think he just loves skin to skin contact once he finds someone he trusts. Like it might take him some time for him to be comfortable with being touched, but he loves touching you. Tracing his fingers along your bare back as you’re lying in bed, smoothing his hands underneath the collar of your shirt to squeeze at your shoulders, or even just resting his head on your bare thighs.

He definitely feels guilty about spending time away from you, and tries his absolute hardest to make up for the time lost when he finally returns.

I’m always happy to hear headcanons about my favourite characters, but don’t feel pressured to amuse me 😂

#aleksander morozova #my love aleksander #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling x reader #the darkling x y/n #the darkling x you #thanks for the ask!#answered asks #lovely people

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agonizedembrace · 5 months

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regarding activity/etc:

with the holiday is pretty much ( if not already ) upon us my activity will be severely sporadic due to my job and the usual family gatherings. which in turn lies into my next point. i typically don't like to talk about this stuff as i don't want it lying on dash bc it's heavy and would rather keep a rather ... positive? hopeful? view in regards to my blog.

since september my grandmother has been in and out of the hopsital, er, and so on due to health issues that are gradually declining. originally she went in for chest pains, which then turned into a stroke into bleeding in her brain... and yeah it just keeps slowly spiraling. she's made a pretty good recovery but it's also rather painful to know it won't be perfect.

yesterday we had our family christmas party with her at her apartment she shares with my uncle. things seemed fine until they pretty much opened it up with the fact that after it was over my aunt would be brining her back to the er due to signs of likely internal bleeding ( and potentially more ). it really dampened the mood for the rest of the party, and acted as yet another reminder of how potentially limited her time is.

so, han, how does that tie into here?

i am a very emotionally driven person, who's already been very low on energy in general. having this hang on my head on months now has left me feeling super down, on top of the awful seasonal depression that hangs over due to me hardly seeing the sun during these months. i'm not asking to be coddled, but just for people to understand that i might not reply to asks, threads, messages, but i see them and i thank you all for considering me & reaching out to me in these attemps.

i try to be active here as i can ( as with my shadowheart blog as well ), some days it's far easier than others. i may have spurts of sudden activity, where i'm silly on dash ... and those are the better days. there may be a span of time where i simply... post nothing, but know i do at least come on daily to check and briefly scroll dash.

anyways, stay safe this season, check in on your loved ones. as much as family parties may suck, don't take them for granted.

#» time to roll the dice ( ooc )#tw: illness #tw: stroke #ask to tag bc i left it vague on purpose but just in case #also just an update but ily all #i hope you are well.

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sapphyreopal5 · 2 months

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I have a problem with saying things without sounding rude, but I promise I'm not being mean: I feel like JD got together with Gen because of his mental health problems, with this I mean that I think he subconsciously thinks he doesn't deserve real love and just stuck with her. I have some best friends who were in these sort of situations (I was in it too) and the more I learn about the couple, the more I feel strongly about this. Also Gen gives me snake vibes...

Hello Anon, thank you for coming by and sending me this ask. I am guessing you may have seen at least some of my more recent posts pertaining to Gen and Jared. I have spoken with a few people in PMs about my views in more depth and have similar sentiments you do. If you have not looked at some of my posts I'll happily link them in this post for your and others' review. I speculated about a month ago actually on Leap Day on my J2 relationship timelines post that Jared and Gen may have had some conflicts with say number of kids they would like and even when they want to start having kids. I believe Gen was more ready and eager to get married and have kids but Jared was more or less... wanting to wait. Of course, a friend just yesterday sent me a video clip where Jared pretty much said "have fun" with conversations of this nature with Gen and confirmed my suspicions: He wants no more kids but Gen does.

I made a noteworthy mention of the palmistry reading Jared received many years ago on a "blind date" he mentioned in one of the old Supernatural magazines back in 2008 that I believe 100% is relevant to what you are saying Anon.

"I believe deep down Jared is afraid of taking an honest look at things romantically (thus all this "extra" shit coming from their way), and it all goes back to this palmistry reading where he was told he will be financially rich but his love life will be bad and confided part of him is waiting for his love life to get messed up. Do note this was from the May/June 2008 issue #4 of the Supernatural Magazine, which was published around the time he broke up with Sandy and not much longer later met Genevieve...."

For anyone that is interested in the direct quote from that magazine about Jared's palm reading, that tidbit states:

"Interestingly, Padalecki has mixed feelings about palm readings. "I went to a palm reader years ago [on a blind date], and I don't remember exactly what she said, but she said I was going to be rich and have a bad love life. And I was like. 'That's crappy. Can you switch it?’ So, good news and bad news. But it was kind of kooky and funny, and she was kind of crazy…" Padalecki hasn't forgotten what the palm reader said, and he confides that a part of him is just waiting for his love life to get messed up." [X]

I also threw in this edit on that post March 13 around 12:04pm EST a couple weeks after I made the post initially that I think also greatly applies to what you are saying here Anon:

"EDIT (added 3/13/2024 @ 12:04pm EST): A good friend of mine brought up a very good point when we were discussing this topic a little after I was done making this post. She brought up how Jared had his first breakdown on the set of SPN while filming the episode "A Very Supernatural Christmas" which was back around Nov or Dec 2007. She said it's possible that given this happened months before Sandy and him broke up it is entirely possible he was not in the "right" mindset when all this dating and breaking up stuff was going on in his life. It should also be discussed in this context how Jared had his breakdown May 14, 2015 while he was in Switzerland alone (Gen had flown home within a day or two before this happened). I don't for a second buy the story she saved his life at any point. I hope some of her stans come at me for saying that because facts hurt, don't they? His so called "hero" flew home before the fact, and didn't stop to think if Jared was doing okay before she did. This trip to Europe in her eyes was a paid vacation to her, point blank. Also, given he was arrested in 2019 while intoxicated and also the bad behaviors on Twitter he's displayed in the past before Charlie seemingly took reign as his and Gen's social media manager, I honestly doubt she "saved" him from anything but being single and alone is about it."

Now for the "snake vibes", alright so I have some interesting things to say about this one. I am going to guess you're not talking about this from any metaphysical standpoint or spiritual point of view but more or less from a general, every day observations point of view. If you want to talk about the "extra" shit I spoke about, I can point you to the absurd Jared kissing her billboard here last summer, post sex (allegedly) photo here from May 20, 2022, and that stupid yet super cringe shower TOWWN ad posted on Valentine's day in 2022, and let's not forget the time Jared quickly deleted a post back in July 2021 (this Tumblr post being from the 31st but am sure this post was made on Jared's page a little before then) because it showed a container of pills and a black dildo besides it, and remade it with the photo cropped out for starters. Some people in this fandom have said that Gen had this photo on her page that was quickly around the same time period. Coincidence? Hmm maybe but I'll bet I know who took the photo to begin with, especially given what this Anon has observed with the Pads' social media behaviors.

Also, I can't stop laughing every time I see the blacked out background photo seen in this post Gen made for her birthday this year. I admittedly also once noticed a notification on my phone that Jared made a post and the caption talking about Father's Day last year in 2023. Like a dummy, I fat fingered and hit the notification before I could screenshot this. Lo and behold by the time I hit the notification it was GONE. However, right after that post was deleted it showed on Ge's page. Hmmm... It's also funny on those posts where they are being all "extra", Jared is no where to be seen "liking" these posts on Gen's Instagram. Also, I find it curious how the original Nowandgen page tagged in some of his posts that Gen once had is now gone and is now taken by a Gen stan named Julie. Hmmm but we are SO in love, aren't we? Also, we all know Jared's toboggan is a source of his comfort, we don't care if he wears this hat. In this Instagram livestream Gen and Jared did talking about the book "Happy Place" by Emily Henry ironically so, in the first couple minutes of the clip you can hear Gen saying "No, don't wear your hat". Don't get me started on the stupid comment I saw below circled in green (totally agree with the comment circled in orange I copied and pasted on this screenshot I took today, April 2, 2024). I've noticed a lot of Jared's more recent posts have been what I suspect are in fact in their guest house not the main house (ex. the "Channeling Walker at Home" post, this SPN family hoodie post), outside, or just not at home.

I listened to a podcast Gen did with Dave Hollis back in Nov 2020 someone sent to me not too long ago, which I posted on March 25, 2024. I talked about this in the context of how Gen just doesn't seem to really like her husband all that much afterall. Please review the highlights of the podcast below again straight from Gen's mouth herself:

4:30 (in the context of Dave and her discovering what really matters to them the most continuing from the last question): "This is the first time I lived with my husband. I know that sounds really crazy but my husband had been filming a TV show for 15 years in Vancouver so when all of this started you know he came down here. He had 2 episodes left and then that was the completion of the series. Personally, it meant that I had to live with him and deal with coparenting which was really stressful like the thought of it. And to make that work, and it was crazy because we were always in this tight bubble with just us and our kids and it really was simplifying. It was you know like the layers are gone. The interference is gone, drama is kinda out the window in a way, and we got to really simplify basic needs. It's so weird how much unlayering we had to do and that's what I'm finding through all of this is a lot of unlayering to get to the core".

7:25 (con't from above) I'm finding creativity in that work and you have to work on, on that relationship and um find creative ways to 'cause you know especially after the two of use have been together for 12 years, we're really different people and you grow at different times and sometimes you are like "I really don't like you right now" and then the other person grows in a different direction and you kind of have to find the balance and that creativity to come back together and that commonality to come back together and you know..."

This must be one of the best parts of the whole podcast right here:

26:25 "I was just talking to someone about this that my favorite relationship with him is a work relationship. Sometimes it's hard to be married to him because he's like, Jared is so interesting because he's so analytical. I mean my husband, I'm going to toot his horn because he's literally one of the smartest human beings I've ever met in my life and it's annoying because he will correct you on words you think he didn't even know. I have a book of SAT words just because I'm like I am going to get him. And so I'll just casually talk about something and use a crazy word in a sentence and he'll be like well you pronounced it incorrectly. It's so frustrating. Also in our marriage he's very giving and emotional and supportive. He's supportive in everything that I've done and I feel really lucky and grateful. I think even more so when it comes to work he is your biggest cheerleader and it's going to be a lot of time together. But funny enough, I think we'll be better at work than sometimes we are at home. Because I'm like, this is how the kids are, this is how I like them, this is the order that I like things in. And it's hard for me to let go I think, at home. But at work, it's just a really nice exchange and I feel really lucky, and he'll sit there too. If he's not working, he'll take it, pull up a chair and talk on the phone and watch at me and I can hear him bragging about me and whether he's doing it for my benefit I don't know but it makes me feel good and I feel really lucky that he does stuff like that."

But but.... we're so in love aren't we?! And let me just say this, maybe Gen really is a snake and is very two faced. What we see on camera is totally different from what really happens behind closed doors. I mean... who puts their young kids in therapy and calls it "brain exercise"?

29:50 "but for us specifically we both are in therapy, actually all of us, the kids are in therapy as well. We feel really strongly like it's a workout. So you know, we know we put so much emphasis on exercise."

Bottom line is, I highly doubt they are in a truly loving marriage. Can't convince me otherwise, what we see publicly is smoke and mirrors. You will rarely see how things truly are when it comes to public figures and most people generally speaking. I'm sorry to hear about your past relationships Anon and hope you have found greener pastures that have stayed greener. I myself have stayed in relationships too long after they stopped serving me in part due to my own mental health issues.

Now onto the spiritual side of things I want to delve into but gotta hit "keep reading" below in case some readers here are not interested in this kind of thing ha ha...

If you are like some of my other followers, I also talked recently about Gen partaking in black magic in multiple posts. Even if you and others find it to be hogwash or superstition, I think we can all agree that the things she talked about in making these so called boxes to "keep the marriage alive" and even keeping a box he used is odd at best and even creepy from certain points of view. I talked about it here with Gen's "snow dance for the gods", as well as this post where I discussed it in further depth and then when I first started speculating on her witchy habits here along that with one of her suspected partners in crime Charlie Capen, their social media manager. Lots of things straight from Gen's mouth also from this podcast she did with Dave Hollis. Some noteworthy things she said with respect to this topic include:

6:15: Dave said "talk a little bit about the ways you have had to be creative in maintaining the relationship that you have, the love that you have with the distance that has historically existed and the complexity of what it means to do the work that you both do. To which Gen responded "yeah I think it's finding the little things and I always enjoyed having a long distance relationship with him. It's kind of silly 'cause like it's in some ways it's like this vacation you have when you're together and then they're gone and so it's almost like super- not superficial but but it's not realistic and when we were apart, what I would do is create boxes. I mean he still has this box from um when we first met he was a port drinker. And he had a bottle of this Pinto port that he loved and so I took the box and I put in you know love letters and n' what have you and then once we had kids you know it obviously gets a little more complicated and you're strapped but just making that time. It's so silly but it's work and you have to treat it as such but without it becoming monotonous I guess.

Even if you aren't into witchcraft or just don't necessarily believe in that stuff, I myself have spoken with a psychic guy who made comments on Jensen's birthday post addressed to Danneel earlier this year who did end up talking to me some about Gen doing black magic herself amongst other things via PM. He said the following things. One of the noteworthy things from below he discussed a "strong protective field so she cannot be exposed". Maybe this relates to why so many people including admittedly himself perceive her as a cheerful, bright person who is a friendly woman. It could also be why I have yet to come across other psychics who have talked about Gen in relation to her doing witchcraft.

Note that this guy isn't in the SPN fandom, he is not a fan of Jensen or Jared's and doesn't actively follow J2 or the wives on social media or anything so much. I chose to share these screenshots crossing out his name and icon, and only showed certain parts of the conversation that are relevant to the topic here (apparently lives across the sea from where I am here in the USA, doesn't speak English and uses a translator to send messages). I do not believe personally Jared will stay with Gen forever, although from a spiritual context, some of what we are shown today can change tomorrow.

I will say that at the direction of my guides, strangely enough a few days before I even started talking to him and he made these comments, I was instructed to make a tarot card reading post I made last summer private. Months ago on this very same post that's now private, I was told also to cross out the parts where I talked about Gen and Jared "working things out" and "rekindling things". I also spoke of a "quiet separation" that won't be public knowledge which I believe is going on. Very interesting stuff, the things our guides know that we don't at the given moment. Hmm..... Thanks for the ask Anon.

#black magic #caught in the act #anti genevieve #anti jarevieve #pada marriage is a mess #psychic messages

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study-coffee-chicago · 1 year

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Trifecta from Hell (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister Imagine)

A/N: I’m finally posting this here because I got my laptop back! And, it’s unedited because at the time I posted it on Wattpad, my laptop was still being fixed and I hate writing/editing on my phone.

Anyway, sorry it's taken me so long to update! I haven't been watching PD since Jay left, so I didn't really have any ideas for a bit!

But, I have some now and have an idea for a fluffy Thanksgiving and Christmas imagine, so keep an eye out for that in the coming weeks!

Anyway, please remember to reblog and comment!

Enjoy!

Today had been fine...at least it had been until you got out of work and were stopped by one of your coworkers practically screaming at you. And, this wasn't where you typically worked, they were just really short staffed, so you were constantly pulled over here. But, you didn't have access to things that their normal staff did—you worked in mental health, so the most important thing you needed access to were updates on clients...which you didn't since you weren't this places full time staff—and since you were here so much, they were starting to think of you as their normal staff.

But, without access to everything, mistakes were bound to be made and you were the one getting blamed.

And this was what you had ranted to Jay about on your way home.

You were still crying after you hung up the phone and knew you were on the verge of a panic attack. But, you were on the highway and you couldn't easily just pull over.

So, you used a coping skill that you hadn't used since middle school: you dug your fingernails into the skin on the inner part of your wrist. Hard.

You removed your right hand from your left wrist—your left hand still being the one holding the steering wheel during this—and put it wheel and once again drove with both hands. But, you kept crying. So, you continued the process until you were just short of making your wrist bleed.

***

When you got home, you told Jay about your wrist and assured him you hadn't cut yourself, just dug your nails into your skin. And then, well, you broke down.

"Everyone fucking leaves!" you yelled. "What's the point of being here anymore? All I do is work! I have no friends, except for like two, Emma texted and told me she didn't want to be friends anymore! Everyone fucking leaves, Jay! And—" Your voice cracked. "Maybe it's me! Maybe I'm the fucking problem! Maybe it would be better if I was dead!"

Jay stood up. "You know you don't mean that. And, all the stuff with Emma, something else had to have been going on. You just have to get out more, make some friends. The pandemic definitely hasn't helped because you didn't get a full college experience, but—"

"What's the point, Jay? If everyone just leaves, why am I wasting my fucking time? I don't wanna be here anymore!" you cried as hot tears rolled down your face.

Jay opened his arms. "C'mere."

"No." You turned. "I'm going to bed."

Hopefully I won't wake up you thought to yourself.

"Y/N—"

"I said I'm going to bed!" you yelled and grabbed your backpack and made your way to your room.

Then, you cried yourself to sleep.

***

That was how you found yourself sitting next to Jay in his truck as he drove to the district the next morning.

"I'm 22, Jay. Just let me stay home," you pleaded for the billionth time that morning.

"After yesterday, me and Will feel it's safer if you're not by yourself."

"C'mon, I'm not gonna kill myself," you told him.

"After yesterday, well, me and Will aren't so sure."

"I just wanna sleep."

"And you can," Jay told you. "On the couch in the break room."

"Ugh." You leaned your head back in your seat in frustration.

When you pulled into the district, you figured it was better for you to walk inside because right now, you wouldn't put it past Jay to physically force you out of the truck and carry you inside.

"Chuckles Jr," Trudy said from the desk as she put the phone back in her cradle when you and Jay entered. "What brings you here?"

"I'm here against my will," you told her and Jay just rolled his eyes.

"She's here because it's safer for her," Jay said.

At this, Trudy's eyes widened. "Safer how? What's going on Halstead? You know between me and your sergeant upstairs, we have eyes everywhere."

"It's nothing like that," Jay said, assuming Trudy meant that an old case or collar was coming back to bite him in the ass. "She's just got some personal stuff going on, so I brought her here to keep an eye on her." And with that, Jay started walking towards the stairs, and you started following, still sulking.

"Sensitive case, Halstead. Y/N can't be up there. Intelligence and yours truly only," Trudy said, causing Jay to turn and look at her and you to throw your head back in frustration.

"Sarge, can you watch her for the day?" Jay asked.

"She's an adult, Halstead. Can't she look after herself?" Trudy asked, throwing him some of her signature sass.

"Thank you!" you said and pointed a hand towards Trudy. Finally, someone was on your side. It was like a breath of fresh air after arguing with Jay all morning.

"Can I talk to you?" Jay asked Trudy. He looked around at all the officers milling about. "Privately?" She nodded and the two moved to the door of the office. Jay gave you a pointed look and nodded to the bench before him. "You move from this bench, I will put you on a psych hold."

You went and sat down on the bench and Jay heard you mutter something about how fear tactics don't help in these kinds of situations, but, for once, he figured it was best to ignore you.

***

Ten minutes later, Trudy and your brother came out of the office.

"C'mon, kiddo. I'm bringing you to 51. Figured it would be much more fun for you to hang out with them than to sit behind that desk with me all day."

"Lucky me," you replied sarcastically.

"Hey, watch the--"

"Halstead, go upstairs and do your job. I'll take it from here," Trudy said, effectively cutting him off.

"Don't do anything stupid, Y/N," he told you. You huffed and rolled your eyes and then he shook his and turned around and jogged upstairs and into Intelligence.

"Ever ridden in a patrol car?" Trudy asked. You shook your head. "Then today's your lucky day because me and you are gonna go grab the best on from the CPD lot and we might even stop for donuts, give you the full beat cop experience."

"Lucky me," you said sarcastically and shrugged.

Trudy just looked at you and pursed her lips, trying to figure out what had you so down.

***

"Listen kid," Trudy said when the two of you got back in the patrol car with a box of two dozen donuts and coffee for you and her. "I'm not giving you a donut until you tell me your side of the story. I've heard your brother's, but I wanna hear yours. What happened at work that made you feel this way?"

You sighed. "It's not just work. It's everything."

"Work was just the tip of the iceberg then, huh?"

"Yeah," you said feeling yourself get choked up. "It's just- everyone leaves, so what's the point of trying to make friends, you know?"

"Kid, when you're as old I am, I can tell you one thing, if people aren't meant to stay in your life, they won't. But, maybe try hanging out with Ritter and Gallo and Violet at 51. They're close to your age, right?"

"A few years older," you answered. "They'll probably just look at me like Jay's little sister like everyone in Intelligence does."

"Hey, you'll never know unless you try."

"I guess," you shrugged. "Can I have a donut now?"

***

When you walked into the firehouse, you appeared fine, maybe a little sad, but fine nonetheless.

But, when you saw the number of firefighters in the common room, you started to become hyper aware of your surroundings and your breath caught in your throat.

"Hey, mini Halstead!" Kelly exclaimed from where he was grabbing breakfast. "What brings you here? C'mon, come get some breakfast, kid!"

You just looked him and then quickly shook your head.

"Gotta go to the bathroom," you said quickly and then turned around and calmly walked out of the common room and then speed walked down the hallway and into the bathrooms.

You could do this...there weren't that many people...there were, what? Four on squad, two paramedics, which made six. Then there was Chief Boden which made seven. Then there was Stella, which made eight...then there was—

Fuck! Who were you kidding? This was way too many people! And Jay thought this was a good idea?

You rested your head against the bathroom stall that you had locked yourself in and then pulled out your phone and sent a text to Jay with shaking hands.

There's too many people here. I hate you

He responded within thirty seconds.

Love you, too. Just making sure you're safe.

If your phone was indestructible, you would've thrown it on the ground.

You pocketed your phone and leaned your head back on the stall door.

Fuck.

This was going to be a long day.

***

You didn't know how much time had passed, but it hadn't been a lot, probably only five or ten minutes, when you heard footsteps coming towards the stall you were currently standing in.

"Y/N? It's just me," you heard Stella say. "Trudy told me, Kelly, and Boden what's going on. Can you please come out?" You didn't. "Can you at least say something? So I know you're okay?"

You sighed as frustration bubbled up in your body. That's what they all wanted to know: that you were okay, that you were safe.

You flung the door open. "I'm okay! I'm alive, aren't I? That's all you guys want, isn't it? Just to make sure I'm alive even though I'm fucking miserable?!"

Stella quickly backtracked and slammed the door to the bathrooms closed and then stood in front of it, effectively blocking your path to get out of here.

"Hey, I know feelings are something you Halsteads have a hard time expressing--at least your brothers do--, but I know you're hiding something under all that anger, Y/N," Stella said gently but firmly.

"You- you do?" You definitely weren't expecting that.

"I do. Now, I'll stay here while you calm down, and then how about we go kick Kelly out of his office so that I can braid your hair? Does that sound okay?"

"Really?" you asked. "Don't you have Lieutenant stuff to do?"

Stella waved her hand. "That stuff can wait a few hours. Plus, I'm still waiting on my office to get finished, so I can always use that as an excuse if I need to. Now, take some deep breaths, splash some water on your face, and I am going to give you the best damn braids in the whole CFD."

***

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Stella asked when she was halfway through braiding your hair. The feeling of her fingers in your hair made you relax. It reminded you of when Erin used to do your hair for school picture day when you still didn't know your way around a straightener yet.

"I dunno," you answered truthfully.

"You don't know if you wanna tell me or you don't know what's going on?" Stella asked as she continued braiding.

"A little bit of both, I guess."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Doubt it. Unless you can make some friends for me appear out of thin air."

"You'd be surprised at what I can do, Y/N."

***

"Violet!" Stella yelled fifteen minutes later when she told you she needed to go dig some more hair ties out of her locker...which was a lie.

"Yeah?" Violet asked and looked up from where she and Brett were watching an episode of House Hunters: International on her phone.

"Do you and Brett mind making a supply run to Med or something in like half an hour? It's just that when I was braiding Y/N's hair, she said something about wanting more friends. And, I figured going on an ambulance ride with you two would be more friendly that taking her in one of the trucks, so—"

"We'll take her," Sylvie chimed in. "Maybe even stop for some food on the way back. Everyone needs a friend once in awhile."

"As long as the place has better coffee than here," Violet said.

"Thanks, you guys. You're the best."

Stella started to walk off to go finish your hair, when Gallo and Ritter turned around from where they were making sandwiches at the counter.

"Everything okay with Y/N? Anything we can do to help?" Ritter asked.

"I think she just needs some friends," Stella said.

"Well, lucky for her, me and Ritter are some of the friendliest people you know," Gallo chimed in, causing Ritter to roll his eyes.

"What he means is, we'll figure something out. We all know how it feels go be lonely sometimes."

"Just don't do anything too crazy," Stella warned. "I'm looking at you, Gallo."

Then, Stella left the common room and went to her locker to retrieve some more hair ties and then went back into Severide's office to finish braiding your hair.

***

"Want some coffee?" Gallo asked when you walked back into the common room after Stella braided your hair.

"Gallo, this stuff tastes like tar. Nobody likes this. Don't poison the poor girl!" Ritter exclaimed, which caused a ghost of a smile to appear on your lips. But, it disappeared as quickly as it came.

"Well, lucky for her, we are going to grab some supplies from Med and she is just the person we want for a ride along," Violet said cheerfully.

"And we're stopping for food and coffee on the way back," Brett said. "61 is officially out of service for the next two hours."

"You really want me to go?" you asked. "Because I get carsick easily."

Brett waved her hand in dismissal. "We won't be turning on any lights and sirens...and we'll make Violet sit in the back."

"Rude!" Violet exclaimed. "But, let's get going. We're only out of service for a couple hours."

When you left the paramedics, Gallo turned to Ritter.

"I have the perfect idea," he said.

"Oh, no," Ritter groaned.

"What oh no? My ideas are great, thank you very much."

"Yeah? Says who?" Gallo said nothing. "My point exactly."

"Do you want to hear my idea or not?"

"Fine. What's your idea, Gallo?"

"Instead of going to Molly's tomorrow night, maybe you, me, and Violet can meet up at my apartment and drink and play some poker or something? And we can invite Y/N? I just know that when that guy jumped off that ledge when I thought I had a save, that I needed some friends. Sounds like she does, too."

Ritter smiled. "That's actually a great idea, Gallo."

***

A few hours later

It was around 7pm and everyone had gone out on a call. You were just sitting in the common room on the couch reading.

Then, you went to the bathroom and planned on coming straight back to the couch and your book, but your body had other plans.

You looked down and immediately relief washed over you.

You had gotten your period.

Sure, you had been diagnosed with depression and it was the beginning of winter in Chicago, which meant some seasonal depression sprinkled in there, but now you had a reason. An in-your-face reason that you were feeling this way: you had been PMS-ing.

You made your way out of the bathroom to grab a pad or tampon that you had thrown in your bag for emergencies and then went back in the bathroom and finished up.

When you came back out, you saw that 81 was back from the call.

"Pssst, Stella," you hissed.

She turned and walked over to you. "What's up?"

"Do you by any chance have some tampons?" you whispered.

"I do. Follow me."

***

Jay picked you up half an hour later.

"Have fun?" he asked.

"A bit," you answered. "Me and Sylvie and Violet went and got lunch and coffee. We went to this really good sandwich place."

Jay smiled. "Good. I'm glad you're doing better."

"Yeah, I got my period so it all makes sense now."

Jay had learned long ago that you did not care if he and Will knew you were on your period. And, while Jay was weirded out by it at first, he quickly realized that he couldn't be because he was the one responsible for buying you pads and tampons.

"Do we need to stop at the store?" Jay asked.

"No. But it all makes sense now! That's why I was depressed. Or it was the trifecta from hell."

"The what from hell?" Jay asked.

"Trifecta," you answered. "Clinical depression, seasonal depression, and PMS all at once."

Jay laughed. "Guess so."

"It helps when I have a reason for it. Don't know why, but it helps."

Jay nodded. "You're not too tired, are you?"

You shook your head. "No...why?"

Jay smiled. "You'll see."

"What is it?" you asked excitedly.

"You'll see when we get home."

"Jay," you whined. "C'mon! At least give me a hint!"

"You used to do this in school."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Exactly."

***

"So, what are we doing?" you asked as you got up to the door of your apartment. Jay knocked on the door. "It's your apartment! Why are you—"

"All set up in there?" Jay yelled.

"All set!" Hailey yelled back.

"All set with what?" you asked.

"You'll see when I open the door," Jay told you. "Patience, young grasshopper."

You rolled you eyes as Jay unlocked the door and followed him in.

Inside, the lights were dimmed and there were were four mugs on the bar and also four wine glasses next to a bottle of wine.

On the kitchen table was a spread of your favorite snacks including Oreos, Tim Tams, and Goldfish. There was also a tin of tamales with all the toppings with all the fixings and chips and homemade salsa from Mama Garcia's.

Then, in the living area, there were books stacked on the coffee table and blankets laid out on the couch and even a few pillows on the floor.

There was a pumpkin scented candle sitting on one of the end tables.

Finally, propped up against the TV, sat a mini white board reading Reading Day 2022.

You broke out into a giant smile. "How did you guys even come up with this?"

"Me and Will remembered you'd get so excited when you'd have that one reading day in March in elementary school when you'd just read and eat snacks all day, so we figured we'd recreate it," he answered.

"And we made the adult version," Will added. "Which is why there's wine...and I may or may not have put some Bailey's in the hot chocolate."

"Will!" Jay exclaimed.

Will put up his hands in a sign of surrender. "In my defense, I was unsupervised."

"Y/N, if you want hot chocolate without the alcohol, I'll make you some," Jay said.

"Nah, I think I'll take the spiked version," you answered.

"And, I brought over some books that were on your TBR that I grabbed from the library," Hailey added.

"Wait," you began as you furrowed your eyebrows, trying to put the pieces together. "I thought all three of you were at work?"

"I worked an eight hour shift instead of a twelve today," Will explained. "That was planned anyway since we're short staffed."

You nodded. "And, what about you two?" you asked and looked towards Jay and Hailey. "I thought you had a super sensitive case or something?"

"Turns out criminals are really stupid," Jay answered.

"We caught the guy at like three in the afternoon," Hailey explained. "And Voight said we could just do the paperwork tomorrow so Jay started thinking—"

"Oh no!" Will said dramatically and threw himself down on the couch. "He's gotta be so tired from thinking!"

Jay scrunched up his face and quickly flipped Will off, hoping that you wouldn't notice, but you had.

"Anyway," Hailey continued, annoying Will's antics even though everyone could see how she smiled when Will made that joke...she just didn't feel like laughing at her boyfriend. She figured three against one wasn't the fairest ratio. "Jay said he had this idea and told me about it, so I said I'd go on your TBR on Goodreads and try and find some books for you and that we'd need two cars so I could get the food while he picked you up."

"And then Jay called me and told me I was in charge of the alcohol," Will said.

Jay gave him a pointed look. "He really wasn't," Jay said. "He just put himself in charge of it."

You hadn't stopped smiling throughout the entire explanation of how this all came together. "Either way, thank you guys. So much."

"Pick a book and I'll grab you some food," Jay said.

"Everything on the tamales. Cheese, sour cream, sal—"

"I know what you like, Y/N. But, wine or the spiked hot chocolate?"

"I'll start with wine," you answered and the wandered over to go pick out on of the many books Hailey had brought over.

For the rest of the night, you, your brothers, and Hailey read books and ate good food and drank. The four of you also may or may not have built a blanket fort. And, you may or may not have cried when Violet texted you and asked if you wanted to meet up with her, Gallo, and Ritter tomorrow night and play poker. And, when you said you didn't know how, she said that they'd teach you.

This is what it felt like: to have people in your corner. And, even though Jay was being dramatic and overprotective when he made you go to 51 earlier to have people keep an eye on you, you knew it was just because he and Will cared about you so much that they couldn't bear to lose you.

And they wouldn't lose you. They had proven that they'd make damn sure of that.

A/N: Thank you for reading and don't forget to vote and comment!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @911ls-tarlos @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things @herecomesthewriterwitch @liampayne88 @glitterquadricorn @luvreading67 @smoothdogsgirl @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @actlikesummerr @lcothr523 @star-wars-lover

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swearyshera · 1 year

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Alright, some of this is hitting me in a way that neither of us could have expected. I talked with you earlier about Entrapta's background story hitting me hard with some things I've been through... Okay, now you've got discussion between Catra and Glimmer about Angella's demise, which neither of them actually expected. Little aggravations at a loved one, little memories and deseprately wanting them back. Glimmer chooses to believe that it was a sacrifice on her mother's part in order to hold it together. *Sigh* - this is very personal. I just lost a loved one, a very close family member also best-friend, a person I had a unique geeky bond with and it's the kind of bond I'll never have again. He was the third member of my tiny little found family and we had him up for holidays and that's never happening again. We learned of his death yesterday and I've just been going through Hell. He was young and it was sudden - he had some health issues, but it was still unexpected. It wasn't a heroic sacrifice, but there are things I need to believe about it to hold myself together. I'm flashing back to Entrapta's seeing a tear in space-time to know what's on the other side. I remember what canon did and what you're looking forward to doing to a cruel fundamentalist version of a god while I'm flashing back to some of my old religious trauma hard right now - as in, I'm really, really hoping the fundies / evangelical circles I used to be a part of aren't right and have been outright Hordak-style *threatening* God to do the right thing by my loved one, possibly sealing my fate if there is a Hell and being glad of it. This portion of the script is coming at the "right?" time for me? Wrong time? I am hoping I can find some catharsis in it? Anyway, I do apologize for any reblogs I do in the near future in which I blubber all over your posts. I'm holding steady, but it's probably going to happen sooner or later. _freedfromthegalactichivemind

@freedfromthegalactichivemind Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would always say that looking after yourself is the most important thing, and if any of my posts do bring up stuff that makes it more difficult for you, please do take a break. I'm the worst person for "deal with stuff by totally immersing yourself in it", and that doesn't always work, so do take it slow and be kind to you. This goes for everyone, too.

There's a few things that I have taken to quite a raw level in these last two seasons and I've come out of the comfort of non-stop silliness in order to have a more meaningful impact on people. But I don't do it to hurt, these stories will ultimately become ones of comfort and power. I've expanded on Prime's zealotry to be a more bare-faced depiction of the anti-LGBT rhetoric that we're seeing worringly often in real life and how weathering it seems insurmountable - but he will be defeated by people who stand fast and remain true to who they are, people who will never ever let those like him win. I've also leaned in pretty hard to Catra's fragile mental health, not because having her talking about how she wants to kill herself is shocking and spices up the story, but because I want to have her reach that lowest point multiple times and still fight for a life that she wants to live. I've been there, as I'm sure many people reading this have - it's messy, but it is not the end.

So yeah, I make the choice to invoke difficult things that might hit some of you quite hard, but I do it with the love and intention to show that perseverance through adversity is one of the hardest, most rewarding things any of us can do. (Also, I know some of this can get quite personal, you're welcome to blubber at me through DMs if you prefer).

We're gonna win in the end.

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prof-polaris · 8 months

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heya - get some good rest?

some new posts dropped, other people have been sending in questions. i'll summarise what might be important, but it's definitely possible i've missed stuff through lack of context, so i attached all the posts to look through i'm curious how much of what's about your/'your' past is actually accurate. we might be able to find clues in what's been changed.

ask: did you consult uxie on this; answer: yes of course + team galactic as justification for bringing back old alpha zoroark guarding the cave. logical explanation here

ask: flicker's personality; answer: sweetheart, cuddly and clingy, lazy and sleeping most of the time, favourite pets are muzzle rubs. might be able to determine if something's off from how you remember...

ask: have you had a pokemon named tiph; answer: one of flicker's littermates adopted to a nice family in unova. whoever asked didn't give any reason for asking that specific name but hopefully it didn't raise suspicion

ask: would you ever own a hisuian zoroark; answer: no, first i don't like the word own, we'll be partners and equals, second they're powerful and owning one may not be safe due to poor health plus long fur and such. possibly look at the exact wording closer here?

ask: tell us more about flicker; answer: wasn't allowed pokemon growing up due to poor health and them being too energetic and/or allergies, but when flicker was born he was perfect due to gentle and short fur. how much of that is what was the case for you?

ask: plans for bringing chroma corp to greater heights; answer: conservation of native pokemon + hisuian variants, mother is working on funding hospitals more. sounds logical enough

ask: relationship with parents; answer: 'Aww, I love my parents of course. They've given me the best life they could have :)' insert X doubt meme here. and professionally worked pretty hard but that makes sense

ask: about 'yourself' + uncle's house; answer: 'you' enjoy the snow, swimming, and playing with the pokemon in the area, and house used to be a daycare, is owned by lilliana and violet, and is thought abandoned. the former - if the swimming is made up i at least give them points for swimming being super helpful for fibro; the latter - you'd be more sure than i am on whether they actually don't know or are just pretending

ask: interaction with uxie; answer: did have a couple when young, it's where the yellow in eyes comes from. not explicitly saying anything about being chosen, although this could be implicitly saying it - not familiar enough with the concept for if anyone would see that and think 'ah, chosen'

this. i am not sure what to think about it - in the best-case scenario they legitimately just want to bring back the hisuian variants and are just using your image to help get people interested in the idea for. some reason????? but i'm worried it could be a defamation attempt, now i think about it. if 'you' bring back zoroark and someone is promptly attacked by one - say, perhaps, the one that is currently pretending to be you - then 'you' will probably be blamed for it... and there's always the possibility that it's not aimed at you but something regarding all of sinnoh. bringing it back to an earlier time perhaps, though what would that even accomplish for them? makes even less sense than the whole hoenn weather debacle...

anyway. i'll keep you updated on anything that i see, though i'm a little out of it today (almost certainly unrelated. i got completely different bureaucracy going on here) so i'm not sure how much i'll be able to get out of them myself.

stay safe, okay? and---i'm sorry about worrying you with potentials yesterday. i hope maple took good care of you, can you thank her for me?

[attached is every post from chroma corp in text form for easy searching, with timestamps and image metadata and descriptions included] //so i don't have to copy-paste them all and lengthen this unnecessarily

okay. this is a lot, let me try and address all these separately...

consulting Uxie makes sense, my parents do that before doing just about anything.

Flicker's personality is all accurate from when he was a cyndaquil, although he was never really lazy and sleepy. if anything, he followed me around constantly, he was always on that move...i hope his health is alright...

asking about Tiph is ballsy, but their response was smart, saying she was adopted out. They're being very careful not to mention any pokemon they don't currently have..

hah! flexing the power of a hisuian zoroark. actually, they might have taken that as a bit of a threat based on that phrasing. i wonder if my father captured them or if they're a wild zoroark...if they're captured this may not be what they want to some extent...

my poor health..yeah i'm allergic to most furred pokemon and grass types, and i had some other health stuff going on at the same time, so finding a partner pokemon for me was hard. they're pretty correct on that front, although most of the allergy stuff stopped being a problem when i was old enough to take medicine for it

the conservation and hospital stuff all seems right, those were Chroma Corp goals from the beginning.

aha. ahahaha. yeah no the loving the parents is a bold faced lie, but i suppose if the truth was told about that it wouldn't look good

i can sort of swim, although i wouldn't say i enjoy it. i'm not very good, have to use a kickboard. i still do it cause as you said it's good for fibro. interesting that they said auntie owns it still and its abandoned. my parents know it was left to me in uncles will, although i guess saying that would sound a bit weird and leave opportunity for more questions

a 'few' interactions. haha. more like twice weekly. arc. they are right about the eyes thing though.

...all your theories seem viable. it's hard to Know what my parents are thinking. i appreciate you keeping me updated though :)

Maple took very good care of me and she got all the pets, i'll give her extra thanks for you

#blackthorn-legion-irl #notdigo arc #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #rotomblr #pokemon irl #pokeblr

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ramblingguy54 · 2 years

Text

There’s a lot to be said, regarding how Thanks To Them handled what it managed to do in under almost an hour quite well, but what I specifically want to focus on is the colossal amount of emotional weight it gave in-depth for Luz & Camila’s relationship because holy shit it was great, overall. In the past, I’ve seen posts here and there attempt to slam Camila as a parent calling her irresponsible or outright manipulative in the way she wanted to balance Luz’s creativity or that knee jerk reaction at Yesterday’s Lie concluding on a somber conversation between these two. Some were quick to peg Camila as being dismissing of her daughter choosing to stay on the Boiling Isles, when in reality she was merely concerned for Luz’s safety and not to mention questioning her abilities to be a competent parent in all of this, as well.

Thanks To Them fully puts into perspective just how rough Camila has had it as a single parent. It wasn’t just losing her husband that was painful, but also the consistent berating Luz would get from onlookers passive aggressively judging her antics, which were heavily implied to have been inspired by Manny. He seems to have been apparently a very silly father figure that wanted to inspire his daughter about vibrant imagination, hence that Azura book being the last thing he gave her before passed away, due to unfortunate health issues of some kind. Honestly, I know I sound like a broken record here, but I can’t further reinforce my point enough on these impressive ways the Owl House crew managed to salvage all this insightful characterization around the Noceda family tree. It masterfully makes any moment from Luz’s creativity throughout this series run have such deeper meaning. She was trying to keep her father’s faith alive and that can be said for a lot what Luz has done through compassion.

Went from simply loving Camila’s character to absolutely seeing myself in the way she struggles to stand up for Luz’s nature as a human being. Manny may be gone, but she doesn’t let that grief stop her from allowing Luz to live life the way her kid wants. The notion of parenthood comes in and out of my head often about how I would fair in the department of being a father. Would I make the right choices for my child? Could I prevent the same unfortunate stuff I went through not repeat for their new life? Camila was dealt an unfair hand by life and desires to give Luz a place she can call home. It’s why she sent Luz off in the first place to that camp at this story’s beginning. She never wanted Luz to do a 180 in personality, or stop having an imagination that makes her a vibrant child. Camilia’s main goal in all of this was to prevent Luz’s bullying at school from potentially increasing, the more she took her antics further.

This in of itself portrays the issues of our education system with how it views other peoples’ learning capabilities. Attempting to put a label it all as grief for Luz’s acting out in their assignments, given Manny’s passing, is only a half truth severely exaggerated. Sure, losing her Dad had a huge profound change in Luz, but even when Manny was alive she has always done things differently. If anything, Manny’s sudden passing made Luz double down on the way she views things in general determined to stand up proudly for it, regardless of what anyone said. Luz was paying her respects to Manny, by living her life without regret. In this regard, it makes sense why Luz goes to such great lengths in trying to fix any mistake she feels accountability for whether it’s unintentionally helping Belos’ plans through time travel, regret for not coming home to Camila sooner, or Amity, Gus, and Willow being stranded from their respective reality.

Luz’s compassionate nature is her strongest endearing trait and weakness all at once because while she is caring to others, it comes at the expense of her self-esteem. She blows any mistake big or small out of massive proportions. Part of me can’t help but think Manny’s passing plays a role in this, too. Luz is devoted to the memory her father so much that she weighs these mistakes on the grounds of, “What would my father think, if he knew about my own actions?”, and it is leading her down self-destructive tendencies. This was likely going through her mind, besides Camila’s advice about learning from mistakes.

Luz wasn’t using fiction as a way to escape her father’s passing. It was all about keeping the memory of his own unique personality alive. To show others applying your different touch to learning about anything can pay off. It makes Luz Noceda such a compelling and endearing protagonist, in spite of how rough she has had everything in childhood to the Boiling Isles conflict currently. Luz wishes to do right by Camila & Manny’s beliefs that it consumes her with overwhelming grief. You could feel so much of it in her reluctant resolve to stay behind forever. At this point, Luz has felt like everything she has wanted ended in failure. Wanted do well in school with grades at the top of her class.

Didn’t want Camila to worry about her well being all the time.

Wanted so desperately to become of apart of the Boiling Isles and share this world with her mother acknowledging it.

Wants to live a life with no regrets, like her father wanted.

All of this resolve has come crashing down on Luz’s determination. She can’t live a life without regret because Luz is consumed by so much of it. The only way Luz believed she could atone is by robbing herself of any true happiness. This way the karmic value of what she had blamed herself for would even out. It’s absolutely heartbreaking seeing such an optimistic kid become utterly broken by these circumstances. Luz may hate Belos, but she in turn despises herself because of being fooled by his scummy tactics to achieve his goal. Throwing everything into chaotic terror when the Collector was freed finally by King.

Luz & Camila’s development was easily one of my favorite parts from the whole special. Thanks To Them is an all around great start to this three part series finale in general, but their emotional development was a serious stand out. This was the kind of stuff I wanted to see more of in DuckTales 2017 between Della & Louie with their chemistry and am so happy to see the concept thoroughly explored here. Loved what was shown off and can’t wait to see the last two specials in 2023. Welcome back Owl House. It’s good to see you again.

#toh spoilers #camila noceda #luz noceda #loved this special and it's all thanks to them #thanks to them #toh season 3 #there was some damn great drama in this episode #they pay offs were so worth it!#the owl house #lengthy post #my two cents

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