#...so that means that there are probably at least 60 now on that list alone

[mdanon027]

Back in his arms | Spencer Reid x FemaleReader

Back in his arms | Spencer Reid x FemaleReader

Masterlist

Summary | Three times Spencer Spencer Reid seeks for physical affection (Inspired by some of the Prompts from the list seeking out physical affection by @creativepromptsforwriting )

Word Count | 3095.

Warnings | I don’t think there’s any warning, if you found something triggering, please let me know.

Side Note: I don’t own any of Criminal Minds characters, words, or narrative. This is only a reinterpretation and fiction based on the Criminal Minds Universe they continue to develop. Also no repost is allowed. If you ever see this on another website, please let me know.

1. acting like they're cold to have an excuse to cuddle or share clothes or blankets

After a long case, the team was exhausted. The flight back to Quantico will take at least 8 hours, so they decided to travel back immediately after they ended the work. 

The flight was at night time. Close to the winter season, the weather is changing. So what better opportunity to get close to the person he was enchanted with, than get warm while getting close on the big couch of the plane? 

“Why are you so cold?” JJ asked Y/N.

“I really don't know, probably the warm weather before getting to the plane and the air conditioner here it's giving me chills.” She said while warming her arms.

“Did you know the average temperature in planes is about 22 to 24 degrees? That's because while we are flying the temperature outside is about -60 degrees…” He started to talk, until she interrupted him.

“So… I should be grateful?” She asked him while getting on the seats.

“They leave the temperature that way to have the average one on land, it is supposed to make you comfortable.” He said while passing her his own sweater.

“I was planning on saying no to your sweater, but I'm going to say yes because I'm really cold.” She told him while putting the sweater on.

They took their seats, and the flight began.

“Go Pretty Boy, it's the perfect time for a snuggle.” Said Derek passing by with a coffee, giving him a smirk.

“I don't know what you mean.” He decided to play it cool. 

“Don't play dumb.” Rossi told him from his seat.

“What are you talking about?” He knew perfectly what they were talking about, but he knew that if he admitted it, the teasing would have no end. 

“Leave him alone, if Reid doesnt what to make another move, then he won't.” Hotch said.

“Another move?” He asks now, curious.

“I mean, giving up your sweater even when you never ever take it off on a daily basis? For me it was a move.” Now Hotch was profiling him. 

“You are joining them?” He couldn't believe that the man was joining the fun.

“It's not that I'm joining, but if you want to make a move, you should start doing something.” Ended Hotch getting back to his report while smiling. 

After two hours of flight, everyone already had a quick dinner and some of them were almost ready to fall asleep. But Y/N was still cold, so he finally decided to use his knowledge to his advantage. 

“You may not say anything, but I can see you are getting colder, we can share the blanket.” He said while looking at her while she trembled.

“I think it’s a great idea.” She stood up from her seat and got close to him on the couch.

Spencer makes a space for her, and covers her up with the blanket.

“High stress levels can cause flu-like symptoms, such as fever, cold, nausea, and body aches. There's a high possibility you are about to get sick.” He said while looking down at her.

“Probably. This case was a mess, thankfully we resolved it.” She said while shivering.

“Layering clothes to get warm could prevent the colds. But right now, the clothes are limited, I can give you a hug, if you want to.” He said while feeling his face getting warm. He took the chance to have her in his arms. At that moment he could hear some laughs from the seats, apparently the interaction wasn’t as private as he thought.  He looked around to see his teammates giving him thumps ups while Emily said “Nice one!”.

He wasn’t sure on how to act properly on how to start a romantic “relationship ”. The few times he had experienced, were either brief and the closest he had, ended up in a tragedy. 

Thankfully he was learning to live with it, with a new hope of finding someone to spend his life with. But he was wheeling to take a try.

2. fixing the other's hairstyle to let their hands run through their partner's hair

He was an expert talking for audiences. He usually did not get nervous about it, after conferences, seminars or even giving classes at college, it was easy peasy. 

But it was the first time Y/N was going to talk to an audience giving a class of her expertise. 

She was good at talking to the press when needed, or even to groups to calm the masses in times of fear. But it was different to try to explain situations to people in dangerous situations than teaching young people how to act as a mediator in dangerous situations. 

She knew how to react, but one thing was doing it and another different to explain it.

Rossi invited Hotch and Y/N to give a lecture on how to act on situations that involve firearms and detonation objects. The team knew she was one of the best ones in that field, with no mistake shots, amazing disarmament skills and extraordinary knowledge on bombs (just like Derek teached  her on her Academy days).

They spend several late nights together (sometimes with the other members joining) practicing her lecture. It had anything and everything that could possibly happen, and she was ready for any possible question. 

All the team was there to support her. 

“I’m nervous.” Y/N said while fixing her hair looking through the window reflection.

“Garcia is inside getting ready with your slides. Take a deep breath, you're going to do great.” Hotch told her.

“Yeah, you practiced a lot and if anything happens, you just need to talk about the heroic job you do every day.” Said Rossi, while getting close to the door of the exhibition room. “Hotch and I are going to start, and then you will proceed.”

“A brief introduction and you will continue.” Said Hotch, entering the room.

“You will be doing fine! If anything happens, we are going to be inside, just look for us if you get really nervous.” Said Emily, while Derek and JJ get inside the room.

“You are going to do just fine, just like we practice, remember it's more a talk than a class. They want to know how it's going to be in their future work field.” Spencer told her while opening the door for her.

“You are right, in that room we are the only ones that know how things actually work.” She took a deep breath.

“Let me fix the final details from your hair.” Spencer told her before Rossi and Hotch started to talk. “All done. You can do it. If you get nervous, just look for me and start talking to me.” He winked, while getting to his seat.

Rossi and Hotch started the talk with certain facts and background about de BAU, and proceeded to let Y/N start explaining.

At one point of the lecture she got so passionate about it, that she started to pass her fingers through her hair thanks to the constant hair interrupting her view. While brushing it, she didn’t notice it was beginning to get disheveled. For sure her attendants didn’t care about it, they were deep into the information the expert was giving them for their future work field.

By the end of the lecture, the students were ecstatic with the knowledge they received, even asking for her contact info for future references related to their courses, some of them asking their professor if they could invite Y/N again in the future. 

Rossi was right to invite her.

The first one to arrive was Spencer.

“Let me fix your hair.” He said while brushing his fingers through her hair.

“Again?” She said surprised.

“It's kind of untidy over here.” He continued,

“Was like this all the time?” She said with little worry in her voice.

“For about more than half of your presentation.” He answered.

“Really? Why didn't you tell me something?” She asked him.

“That could be distracting for you.”He finished fixing her hair. “All done!”

“You could make me a sign.” Y/N told him.

“You didn't even look at us, and your hair gets that way when you start to talk really excited about the things that fascinates you, it always blocks your vision and you start to adjust your hair.” Spencer commented on that fact.

“Why haven't you ever told me that?” Now she was curious.

“Because you look cute that way.” He answered her. “Now come here, let me congratulate you.” He proceeds to give her a hugh, she is back into his arms. “You did marvelous over there! A natural instructor.”

“Thanks for helping me rehearse over 20 times.” She couldn't express how grateful she was with him.

“Actually, it was 34 times.” All he could hear was her laugh. “Not that I was counting.” He was in fact counting. She just smiled looking up at him.

The next one to approach was the team.

“Come here.” Penelope said while hugging her really tight. “You did amazing, my friend!.”

“You think so?”

“Yes! The presentation was amazing, really to the point and with the details that needed to be exposed.” Said Emily while joining the hug.

“Of course Y/LN.” Said Hotch while giving her a smile. 

“You were outstanding, I made a good decision to bring you with me today.” Said Rossi. “Whenever you want to come back and give another class, we can arrange you a spot.”

“And not forgetting that I teached you the basics back in your days.” Said Derek giving her a big hug. 

“You should give a class together.” Said JJ, getting close to congratulate her dear friend.

“Thank you, every single one of you for helping me get prepared for this.” Y/N with a big smile on her face. “Especially Spencer, thanks for listening to my lecture 34 times.” She said while giving him a hug.

“This deserves a celebration! Dinner at my house tonight!” Said Rossi from behind.

Everyone started to walk away, to finally celebrate another accomplishment that one of their teammates got.

3. reaching out with their hand without saying anything, wanting the other one to grab it

Spencer knew the basics of dancing. Really the basics, it took him time, but Derek and Penelope helped him during their free times. 

You may ask, why?

Rossi was doing his annual Christmas Celebration, only with the BAU team. It wasn’t a big deal of a party, but for sure a ball in small proportions. An attempt of dancing was another opportunity to be close (at least even more close than what they already are) to Y/N, and he was taking a chance. The team kept teasing him, but later he realized they were just trying to help him to get with her, and he was willing to take their support.

“Pretty Boy, it’s time.” Said Derek.

“I don’t know, we only took a few lessons.” Said Spencer unsure.

“Believe me, you will want to hold her close for a while.” Said Penelope.

“What do you mean?”

“You will know soon.” Ended Derek.

From afar, he could see Y/N and Emily talking, they were really into the conversation while JJ and Will made comments, they were really into it.

The music started to sound in the background and Rossi, as the extra person he was, made an invitation so they could start to dance while the turntable was in the works of preparation. 

Derek and Penelope were the ones who opened the dance floor, following behind Hotch and Beth, and JJ with Will.

Hotch gave him a look and a nod pointing to Y/N’s table. It was time.

He built up courage, got closer to the table and reached his hand so she could take it. Without hesitation, she took it. He started to walk to the dance floor.

He held her close. Was like a dream. And they started to dance.

“I didn’t know you could dance.” She said to him, in a low voice.

“You don’t know a lot of things about me.” Spencer told her.

“Well, I know a lot about you, but this one specifically wasn’t in my radar.” She ended.

They kept slow dancing for several songs, making small conversations between some comfortable silence moments. It wasn’t weird, they could almost talk through their eyes.

Until she decided to talk again.

“I’m probably leaving.” She said really low and slow.

“What do you mean? You can’t leave.” He wasn't expecting this type of news.

“It’s only for a time.” She wasn't looking at him.

“Why?” He was confused, wasn’t she happy with the team?

“Emily recommended me to the Interpol for a special training. Apparently one of the asistans from the lecture I gave, it’s interested in me teaching their team on explosive objects. Derek also sent a letter, endorsing my knowledge in the topic.” She finished.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” He really wanted to know, they were supposed to be close.

“I didn’t knew. They just told me this morning. I’m still thinking about it. Hotch and Rossi already knew, and are encouraging me to take it. But first I wanted to ask you, what did you think about ir.” Oh, that was it.

“Is my opinion that important?” Maybe they were more than close friends. 

“You are the closest friend I have, in my personal and professional life. Most of the time, you are my teammate.” She spoke. 

The next few songs were danced in silence, she kept her head close to his body listening to his heartbeat. What could he tell her? It was a great chance for her. He wasn't going to stop her professional growth.

“You should take it.” He finally spoke his mind.

“Really?” She finally looked at him.

“You are amazing at doing your work. It would be a waste of your talent not taking this opportunity.” It was the truth. 

“But it's a long time, and I'm going to be away from home and alone, and without you.” It sounded like she wouldn't take the chance of being far away trying new things.

“It's only two months, even though I’m not a big fan of technology, we can video call each other whenever you want. You already know I have a non average sleep schedule or even we can message all day.” 

He promised, now they were close, he took one more chance to hold her back in his arms as close as possible for the time they had before her departure.

+1 turning their cheek to get the other one to give them a peck

After being gone for more than two months, thanks to the fact that she was required for a special task outside the country (by Emily's and Derek's recommendation), she was finally back with the team.

He was waiting, with her favorite coffee, pastry and a flower plushie (he knew she was allergic to them, or at least the ones of this season). 

They talked every single day since she was gone. He knew all the things she did overseas. But he wanted to know about them again, even if he repeated them in his thoughts every time after they ended talking, he needed  to see her face in real life while talking and to get lost in her eyes. 

He couldn’t explain how he felt about her. She was more than a colleague, more than a teammate, more than a friend and he believed more than her soulmate. 

During this time afar, he realized what truly was to care for a person, even when they were not physically together. It was the same feeling he had for his mother, there was no day he didn’t speak to her, and the same thing happened with Y/N. 

While growing up, he was used to either getting ignored or being made fun of.

But she always listened to every single fact he had to say, when he talked fast about something he is passionate about, or only listened and talked to him about his thoughts.

For sure he was in love with her.

She arrived at the office, while everyone was there to welcome her back. She passed by a line of hugs and warm words. She was missed in the team.

After all the greetings,she started to look for him, she was wearing one of his sweaters he lent her for the trip, and proceeded to give him a hug. He had never received a hug as tight as the one he was experiencing. 

“I missed you so much, Spencer.” She said with an almost inaudible voice while burying her face in his sweater while catching his scent.

“I missed you even more.” He told her, while topping her head.

“Even if we talked every single day I was gone?” She looked directly into his eyes.

“It’s not the same, a screen can’t take a chance than talking to your pretty face.” He was smiling.

“Oh, Spencer.” She whispered close to his cheek ready to give him a peck, she was the only one allowed to do it.

It was now or never.

He turned around.

It was a small peck. And he looked delighted.

“I'm so sorry Spencer.” She said, astonished. While looking at him with those beautiful startled eyes.

“I'm not.” He said back, getting another peck from her. This time she was also smiling, but stayed silent. “If you want me to stop, please tell me something,”

She shut him down with a proper kiss. 

“The kid finally did it.” Rossi muttered to Hotch.

“He took his time.” He said while smiling. Everyone knew they eventually ended up together.

From the other side of the room, their teammates were giggling at the young ones.

“Well, it’s sad I have to break it to you, but we have a case. To the round table.” Said Hotch from his office, getting close to Spencer while giving him a palm to his back.

“Oh, come on Hotch, let the love birds have a little more time.” Said Derek getting close to Spencer and giving a small side hug to the both of them.

“Come on, we have work to do.” Spencer said, giving her a last small kiss, and started to hold her hand while starting walking. “You are never ever leaving my side, ok?”

“Ok.” She couldn't believe it. She was amazed with what just happened. 

There was no better welcome back.

Back in his arms. 

Autor’s Note: Hello Again! As I told you before, I'm in my Criminal Minds Era, so this is the second time Im writting about this!I wanted to post if before my +10 hours flight to my Holiday Vacation! Its probably the last thing I'm writting/posting this year related to an original work. I was feeling inspired this days. I hope you like it!

If any of the authors I read ever read this, to let you know I always go as anon (thanks that this is my side blog) and I always sign as -MD💜 or -MDanon027💜 (@mdanon027). Thanks for the inspiration!

Also, please be honest if you like it or nah. Any comment will help for future personal writing skills. And if you see any misspelling, I’m sorry, I already reread it several times, and English it’s not my first language. Please don’t mind on telling me to correct anything.

[stemfandomtrash]

Chemistry I Study Guide

I post this study guide at an ungodly hour in the morning after staying up all night to complete this. To all those awake when I post this, I offer my deepest condolences...

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Water (Ethan x MC)

Warning: NSFW, 18+

A/N: I finally finished the Miami shower sex fic. It’s roughly ~5K words of nonsense, 60% is filth, and the urge to re-write it is strong, but here it is.

Enjoy!

~v~

Being in Miami with Naomi unnerves Ethan in ways he can’t articulate. They aren’t in the confines of the hospital, bound by the strict boss and subordinate boundaries he’s attempted to set for them. And while they’re in the city for a medical conference, he can’t help but feel like he’s just Ethan and she’s just Naomi.

Her presence is overwhelming and intoxicating. From the way she took charge and ordered them drinks on the plane, to the way her luggage spills over their shared hotel suite despite being checked in for less than 3 hours, to the way it feels effortless just walking along the beach with her, Ethan can’t escape her and the role she’s slipped into feels too familiar and comfortable, which actually gives off the opposite effect. It terrifies him.

“We’re in Miami, for goodness’s sake, our hotel is literally on the water, and we are going to the beach,” is what Naomi told him after she slipped out of her plane clothes and put on something more appropriate for the warm Miami weather. She didn’t give him any time to object–and boy did he want to–before catching his wrist and dragging him out of their hotel room.

And that’s how he ended up taking a walk on the beach, the hot sand sticking to his toes, Naomi by his side. For reasons he’s not ready to face, he can’t say no to her and it’s infuriating. But on the flip side, the way her cheeks turn up and eyes sparkle at the enjoyment of the little things like this make his insides twist, and he’s a prisoner to her happiness.

“Come on, we’re hundreds of miles away from the hospital, the beautiful sun is beaming down on us, and there’s nothing but warm sand and ocean breeze around us. You have to admit that this is nice,” Naomi urges, poking Ethan in between the ribs.

They came to Miami on a mission, and that was to get help for Naveen and also fulfill his duties to the hospital. Frolicking on the beach was nowhere on the agenda.

“We’re here for work. And besides, I could be spending this time catching up on sleep or enjoying our air conditioned suite. That’s my definition of nice.”

“I swear, you probably came out of the womb a grumpy old man,” Naomi teases. “At least try to unwind.”

“The fact that you managed to drag me out here is testimony enough, don’t you think?”

“Nope,” Naomi says, leaving no room for debate. This is one of those times where Ethan isn’t all that enamored by her stubbornness.She sits down in the sand, throwing down her sandals. She extends a hand, and after a few seconds Ethan sighs and begrudgingly accepts it, allowing her to pull him down as well.

“Now close your eyes,” Naomi orders, watching Ethan closely to see if he listens. Once he realizes that she isn’t going to stop glaring at him, he closes them. “Thank you.”

“I’m only doing this so you’ll eventually leave me alone.”

“Always the fuddy duddy. Can you sit in complete and utter silence for 10 seconds? Please?”

Something about the way she says that word only adds to the list of things she does that make him uneasy. Only because he hates the way he responds to her plea, something stirring in the pit of his stomach.

It’s hard for him to handle the stillness of the moment. He’s gotten too used to always moving, always having something to do, but he sucks it up and tries.

“When was the last time you took a vacation?” Naomi asks.

“Is it bad to say I don’t know?”

“Yes. I’d kill to have your vacation days.”

“Well what about you?”

“I went to Aspen with my family for Christmas last year,” Naomi replies. “We used to go on at least one vacation a year when I was a kid. I don’t know how much of that I’ll be doing with my residency, but it’s nice to get away, even if it’s for a few days, you know?”

“I do. I think it’s been a solid three years since I had a real vacation. I went to Italy.”

“Rome?”

“Florence.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Of course.” Ethan feels her thumb trace a circle on the inside of his palm, and that’s when he notices that they never stopped holding hands when she pulled him down, and his pulse skitters. Part of him believes Naomi doesn’t notice she’s doing it, so he stays silent.

“Do you speak Italian?”

“I’m fluent in all of the Romance languages,” Ethan admits.

Naomi scoffs and playfully nudges him with her shoulder. “No one likes a show-off, polyglot.”

“What about you?”

“I speak very minimal French. My grandma taught me some basics when I was a kid and spent my summers with her, and I tried to fine tune my skills in high school, but I’m not fluent.”

This is the first time he’s heard her talk about her family, even a little bit, and he clings to the information as if it’s precious.

This time when the conversation tapers, Ethan actually doesn’t mind the silence, and he revels in the presence of the pretty intern beside him, her hand still warm in his.

“I should’ve booked you a spa treatment,” is how Naomi eventually breaks the silence. Ethan’s eyes snap up and he stares at her. “What?”

“I don’t think I’m a spa treatment kind of guy.”

“The sauna could be nice. Or a mud bath.”

“You’re such a comedian, Rookie.”

“I’m serious!” Naomi leans forward and presses her thumb between his eyebrows, gently massaging the crease. “I think a day at the spa would be good for you. Relatively speaking, you’re too young to be getting wrinkles.”

“What does that mean, relatively speaking?”

“You’re young in comparison to the average life span, but compared to me you’re…”

Ethan raises an eyebrow in challenge. “Are you trying to call me old?”

“It’s fine,” Naomi assures him. “Lucky for you, I like older guys.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Naomi realizes her grave mistake. She’s said too much, revealed her slip, and the double meaning of the sentence hangs in the air between them. Ethan’s eyes widen. His eyes fall on their still interlocked fingers before flitting back to her face, and that’s when Naomi notices that they’ve been holding hands. This entire time.

Ethan leans forward, until their faces are mere centimeters apart. Feeling bold, he takes one of her loose ringlets, curling it around his finger.

“Ethan, I–”

He stands so abruptly, Naomi almost falls over but she catches herself with her hands.

Ethan clears his throat, trying to center himself. What the hell was he thinking, nearly kissing his intern? How did he get so caught up that he almost crossed that line?”

Naomi stands up, wiping off the back of her shorts. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, Dr. Valentine.”

The name change feels like a physical strike. He hasn’t called her by her formal title the entire time they’ve been out here, but now she’s back to Dr. Valentine?

“Are you sure because I could’ve sworn that you were about to–”

“You know what? I think I’ve had enough of this beach excursion for the day, and I’m going to rest before we have to go to the party later on?”

A party? Where the fuck did that come from? “Ethan, slow down. A party? What party are you talking about?”

“Every year there’s a party hosted in conjunction with the party. It’s a black tie event, so please dress accordingly. See you later.”

His long legs carry him away before she can even reply, and he’s trudging back to the hotel, leaving Naomi more confused than she was ten minutes ago.

They were sharing a moment and Ethan was going to kiss her…right? This isn’t some fever dream, she didn’t just make that up, it is a fact. And just as fast as they were connecting, he put up a wall and shut her out.

She sits down again, ruminating over the situation and trying to wrap her head around it all.

After a while, annoyance forms in the pit of her stomach. Ethan doesn’t get to just play with her like a ping pong. And if she misread the situation, he should be big enough to tell her that to her face, not run off. And the more she thinks about it, the more she stews, and the annoyance turns into anger simmering under her skin. She stands, brimming with righteous indignation. He doesn’t get to walk away from her, and she’s going to tell him as such.

The trek back to the hotel only makes her angrier, because she only has time and opportunity to think, especially with the long elevator ride up to their suite. Once she makes it to the room and the door shuts behind her, she hears some shuffling around coming from the en-suite as well as running water.

“Ethan, I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you need to explain whatever that was on the beach,” Naomi starts. She doesn’t get an immediate response from him. “The walls aren’t that freaking thick, I know you can hear me.” She inches closer to the door and notices that it’s been left slightly ajar. “And you left the door open, genius. Now I really know you can hear me.”

Maybe the walls really are that thick because she thinks she hears him talking, but it’s muffled. She almost lets it go until she hears a gruff, “Naomi!” come from the other side of the door.

So he can hear her. Good! Because she has a lot to say. She doesn’t give it a second thought, she charges towards the bathroom and forcefully pushes open the door.

What on earth was she thinking, barging into the bathroom like a bat out of hell?

The correct answer to that is she wasn’t thinking, fueled only by her need to argue with the infuriating man who left her on the beach like an idiot.

And now she’s standing in front of him and he’s stark naked.

The professional clothes and the white coat he wears at the hospital do an amazing job of keeping him contained, but here in this bathroom, Naomi realizes for the first time just how massive this man is. Tall isn’t enough of a description. His wide shoulders lead down to powerful arms, all corded muscle and tension. His chest, those defined pecs and a six-pack. Of course he’d be built like this underneath those clothes. Like a Greek fucking god. Of course.

That still isn’t what steals her breath straight from her body. It’s his hand, strong and powerful, wrapped around the base of his cock.

She should really say something. Apologize profusely. Beg to keep her spot in the competition, beg to keep her job at Edenbrook period. But she can’t. Any form of coherent or rational thought has been banished from her brain, and this soaking wet image of her boss is the only thing running through her mind.

Dr. Ethan Ramsey masturbates.

And if he’s still thinking about the moment they shared less than an hour ago, coupled with the fact that she heard him call out her name, it’s safe to assume that Dr. Ethan Ramsey masturbates to thoughts of her.

The realization makes her flame, and Naomi swears her body temperature has spiked to near feverish. And the fact that Ethan isn’t doing anything to right the situation—putting his hands in a more appropriate place, saying something, yelling at her to leave—only makes things more insane. He keeps his eyes fixed on her, his gaze so intense, she swears he can see her brain.

The angel on Naomi’s shoulder is screaming at her to stop gawking at him like some fish out of water, but she can’t. Now that she’s seen him, really seen him, she doesn’t know how she’ll ever go back to him being anything other than this, six feet, five inches, 200 pounds of pure unadultered sex.

The urge to touch him is so strong, she doesn’t think she’ll be able to do anything else until her hands are on him.

Swallowing whatever nerves are trying to creep up, Naomi takes a tentative step forward, and reaches for the glass door. The glass pane slides away so slowly, she almost wonders if it’s her subconscious giving her enough time to bolt before she makes even more of an ass of herself, but she ignores whatever annoying voice in her head is telling her to go.

“I’m not an idiot, Ethan. I’m not naive, and I’m not blind.” Naomi takes another step forward, the steam of the shower and a light spray of warm water hitting her face. Gingerly, her hand finds purchase on his chest, and they settle on his left pec.

His heart is beating so wildly, Naomi actually gasps at the erratic thumping beneath her fingertips. “Naomi–”

“I was so confused earlier,” Naomi confesses. “I thought you and I had been vibing these past few weeks, I thought you and I actually had something. And then we had our near first kiss earlier, but you pushed me away and ran off faster than a lightning strike, and I was hurt, and convinced that I completely misread the situation. So imagine my surprise when I walk in on this. You are horribly affected by me.”

“Naomi.” The way he says her name is so much rougher than it was previously, and it sends a shiver down her spine. Yup. So affected.

“It’s okay though, you don’t even have to say anything,” she continues. Taking Ethan’s free hand, she places it on her own chest so Ethan can feel her own erratic heartbeat. “Because trust me, I feel the exact same way.”

He doesn’t say anything else, opting to pull her in by the front of her t-shirt instead, what very little restraint he had over himself gone in this instant. The full blast of water comes as a shock, but Naomi can’t even react to it before Ethan slants his mouth over hers, pulling her into a bruising kiss.

The first thing she notices is just how rough his stubble is as it scrapes her mouth. The second thing is she probably would have fallen over due to how forcefully he pulled her into the shower, and she’s thankful his grip on her is as tight as it is.

Fireworks. A million fireworks going off at the same time. That’s what kissing Ethan feels like.

He sets the pace, but she kisses him back with just as much fervor. He kisses her like they have all the time in the world and none at all, passionate and intense, like he wants to devour her.

Her lungs protest against this endeavor, practically begging her to inhale something other than Ethan. But she doesn’t want to stop kissing him, even if it’s just for a second.

Thankfully Ethan makes the first move to separate them, breaking the kiss. His tongue licks along her neck and her head falls back in pleasure. So caught up in their kiss, it’s easy for Naomi to forget that she’s fully clothed, Ethan tugging at the fabric of her shirt quickly reminding her.

The water has the clothes clinging to her like a second skin, and Naomi giggles at the frustrated huffs Ethan lets out in his quest to undress her. The giggle turns into a full on squeal as she hears the telltale sound of a rip as her t-shirt ends up on the shower floor, followed by her shorts, and Naomi has to kick off her sandals to assist.

Once her clothes are in a sopping wet heap on the floor, Ethan regains control of the situation. Naomi’s back is pressed against the cold marble wall and Ethan’s mouth is on hers again, bruising and hard. It’s almost like he wants to punish her through his kisses.

“I have tried my absolute hardest to keep you at arms length,” is the first full sentence he’s said since Naomi entered the bathroom. “I compartmentalize my feelings for you, I am constantly reminding myself of our power dynamic. And you just keep inching your way closer at every single turn despite my best efforts.”

Naomi hums in reply. “Maybe you shouldn’t have been trying to keep me away in the first place.”

He’s kept her away because he knew. Ethan knew Naomi would find a way to get under his skin, leaving him to feel open and raw like he just got scrubbed with sandpaper. Having her like this is a fantasy come true, and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that once this line is crossed, he’ll never want to go back. He can be a selfish bastard sometimes.

“If we do this then–”

“I’m a big girl, Ethan,” Naomi assures him. One of her hands reaches in the tiny space between them, and she grips his erection. Ethan shudders and leans forward, crowding her space even more as she strokes him at a leisurely pace. “And we can talk about all of the messy stuff later, but right now, talking is the last thing on my mind.”

“Alright, Rookie. Enough talking.”

Her underwear is off before another word can be uttered.

Naomi isn’t sure what she was expecting, but he slides two fingers inside of her before she can think, and the sharp intrusion leaves her gasping. Ethan doesn’t treat her with kid gloves, the quite opposite actually. Whatever sound she’s going to make, he quickly swallows with a kiss.

Naomi is expressive. It’s one of the first things Ethan noticed about her. She’s going to be seen and heard at all times, and that extends to the bedroom. And since he has effectively cut her off with a kiss, Naomi sinks her nails into him, one set on his shoulder, the others raking through his hair, urging him to continue his ministrations. Good.

He breaks the kiss, leaving a trail of tiny kisses and bites along her jaw, neck, and collarbone, paying special attention to her nipples, lavishing them with his tongue. He drops to his knees in front of her, urging her to lean backwards against the wall behind them and Naomi does so without an ounce of hesitation.

The one hand not currently playing her like a fiddle runs along the smooth expanse of her curves, tracing every dimple and mark he can find. He does this until his eyes fall on the tiny tattoo marking her skin, resting on her hip. “I never took you as a tattoo kind of girl.”

“I have a few secrets left to tell, Ramsey.”

“Why on your hip?”

“My parents would’ve killed me if I got it somewhere visible,” Naomi explains breathlessly as Ethan continues to stroke her, slowly coaxing her towards an orgasm.

Ethan places a kiss on her left hip, right below the tattoo as if it’s to be revered before sucking a mark on it. Something to remember him by.

“Naomi?”

“Hmm?”

“Eyes on me,” Ethan commands her. It’s a tough task because the steam and the water have made it difficult to see and she would enjoy nothing more than to close her eyes and fully revel in what he’s doing to her, but they manage to lock eyes. “Good girl.”

The first swipe of his tongue against her makes her legs buckle, but thankfully Ethan keeps her upright.

His fingers curl inside of her, and Naomi swears her vision goes blurry for a second, but not once do her eyes waver from his. Ocean blue irises hold her gaze, and she feels like they’re burning her from the inside out. Everything is hot, too hot, but at the same time she feels like she might go insane without it.

The strokes are slow and languid. In, out, curl, twist, keeping pace with the way his tongue laves against her clit. Soon her breathless whimpers become more ragged, more labored and she grabs a handful of Ethan’s hair, tugging it so hard, she’d worry about actually pulling it out if she cared about anything other than finding the edge of the cliff he’s so close to pushing her off. Ethan can tell she’s close. The incessant tugging at his scalp, the increasingly louder moans, and the way her hand slaps against the wet tile.

She knows it’s coming, but her orgasm takes her by surprise, pleasure seizing her at the base of her spine. Her legs tense up and her entire body falls forward, taking Ethan with her. He cushions her fall, and they both land with a hard thud.

Naomi giggles again. And soon that giggle becomes a full on laugh, so uncontrollable that Ethan wonders if she’s snapped.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just never…fallen over during sex before,” saying that out loud makes her laugh again.

“And is this a good thing?”

Naomi leans forward and kisses Ethan, smiling through it. “We’ll you’re the first guy to ever make my legs give out in the middle of an orgasm so…yes. I’d say it’s a very good thing.”

Well that is a healthy ego boost, Ethan thinks to himself. “Good to know.”

When blood circulation has returned to her legs, Naomi stands up, pulling Ethan along with her. She deposits him on the spacious bench built in along the back wall of the shower and he falls onto the seat with a hard thud.

He watches through hooded lids as Naomi straddles him, undulating against him in a way that makes him want to take control and bury himself to the hilt inside her.

“Question for you, Ethan Ramsey,” Naomi starts.

“Answer for you, Naomi Valentine.”

“When I walked in here, were you thinking about me? Was I the subject in your dirty little fantasy?”

“Always,” Ethan is shocked by how breathless the answer comes out, but at this point, pride and ego aren’t needed. Not when they’re like this. “Since day one, I have been consumed with nothing but thoughts of you.”

“Mhmm, what was I doing in this particular fantasy?” Naomi asks. She takes him into her hands, and at a tortuous pace, rubs the swollen tip of his erection against her clit, drawing out a moan from the older man.

His memory fails him. Nothing he conjures up in his head will ever be comparable to the sight of a naked Naomi in his lap. She’s so beautiful, water droplets clinging to her skin, lips kiss swollen, loose strands of hair clinging to the sides of her face, her round cheeks flushed.

He doesn’t remember what the fantasy entailed, he just knew this woman’s presence was so overwhelming, if he didn’t expel some of the tension, he wouldn’t survive going to a black tie event with her.

“I don’t know. I don’t care,” Ethan says honestly. “The real you is so much better.”

“I think I like that answer.”

Ethan lifts her by the hips and in one smooth thrust, he’s fully sheathed inside of her. He notices that way Naomi’s eyes are fixed on where they’re joined, glazed over by pleasure and he’s never seen something so erotic.

She starts to move, slowly at first because she’s still way too sensitive from her last orgasm to do anything else. But the slow pace she sets does nothing to ease her, it only makes things worse. Every slow glide, every brush of his pelvis against her is magnified tenfold, and the heat she felt earlier has turned into a bull blown inferno, consuming every inch of her. But now, the only way out is through, and she’s trapped in a delicious purgatory until the next wave hits. It only intensifies when Ethan’s mouth closes around one of her nipples, sucking fiercely. “Oh, fuck.”

He releases the bud with a soft ‘pop’, pulling a soft groan from her lips. Her head falls back, but Ethan catches a fistful of her hair and drags her back, forcing her to make eye contact. “Eyes on me, Rookie. I want to see your face.”

The tiny pinpricks of pain at her scalp give way to pleasure as his grip on her tightens. “Harder.”

Ethan smirks and wordlessly obeys the order, pulling Naomi’s hair even harder as she moans. Huh. He’s going to tuck this information away for a later date and time.

The hand not holding her hair goes back to her hip and he squeezes tightly before guiding her up and down. And that’s when the pressure starts building again, up, and up, and up, until the only sounds that can be heard are the obscene slaps of their wet skin and her broken whimpers. His hand leaves her hip, not having to move far before his thumb is on her clit, working it in soft circles.

Naomi comes so hard, her teeth chatter and she’s almost afraid of cracking them. Unable to keep up the eye contact, she leans forward, resting her forehead against his. He gives her a second to catch her breath before he rocks into her, trying to chase his own release.

“Naomi, I…fucking I’m going to–”

She nods, understanding exactly what he’s trying to say. She bites down on his earlobe, tugging. “Inside me.” Then she kisses the patch of skin right below his ear and grinds against him once more. “Or on the tattoo.”

Holy fuck. That alone sets him off like a bottle rocket. He bites down on her shoulder hard enough to break skin.

His heart beats so wildly, he doesn’t know if it will ever return to its normal resting state. With his arms wrapped around her like this, he wonders if this is their new normal. How that he’s been with her like this, how on earth will she go back to being his subordinate. Everything about her feels like euphoria, her taste, her touch, her scent is embedded in him, so deep in his skin, she might as well be woven into his DNA. But the thing about it is, he’s not sure he wants it to.

On top of being a selfish bastard at times, he is wildly possessive.

It takes a long time for them to separate , neither one of them wanting to move or disrupt the peaceful little bubble they’ve created within the confines of this shower.

Eventually Ethan pulls Naomi off of him, but his grip on her remains steady. He stands as well and reaches behind him, grabbing the bottle of shower gel he has on the shelf. It isn’t until the clean scent of citrus and sea salt hits her nose does Naomi realize he’s using his shower gel. A chill sweeps through her. Sure they just had sex–great sex even–but sharing this man’s shower gel is a subtle intimacy that she wasn’t prepared for, and her chest goes tight.

“I smell like you,” Naomi murmurs sleepily.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Of course not, you always smell good. I do draw the line at sharing shampoo. Whatever shit you use might destroy my hair.”

Ethan snorts. “I saw the amount of hair goop you stuffed into your suitcase. Trust me, I won’t get in the way of that routine.”

Once they’re both sufficiently lathered, they duck under the water to rinse off, and they finally step out of the shower. The entire room is full of steam, and Naomi almost feels bad that they wasted so much hot water. God, her skin is going to be so dry if she doesn’t moisturize soon.

Ethan wraps her in a large white terry cloth bathrobe before wrapping a towel around his waist.

“I’m still mad that you didn’t give me any sort of notice about this party,” Naomi huffs. Ethan rolls his eyes and takes a step forward, his hand wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer until her back is firmly against his chest.

“It’s in a few hours, how much more notice do you need?”

“What if I didn’t pack an appropriate dress?” Naomi implores hypothetically. “Or shoes?”

He shrugs. “I have a credit card, and this hotel has a boutique.”

“Well lucky for you, and your wallet, I packed a few dresses,” Naomi says. Her mother taught her to be prepared for any situation, including the spur of the moment black tie event. “I’ll pull together something decent.”

“You’re beautiful, you always look more than decent.”

“Compliments will get you everywhere with me, Ramsey.”

Using the palm of her hand, Naomi wipes some of the steam off of the mirror in front of them and takes a good look in the mirror. She looks thoroughly debauched. It’s going to take a miracle to pull herself together with just a few hours’ notice.

She also notices the dark mark blooming on her right shoulder, outlined by teeth marks. Ethan’s bite is only going to get darker and more prominent as time ticks on.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to cover up this mark you gave me though.”

Ethan slides the robe off of her shoulder to examine the bite mark. He runs his thumb along it soothingly before planting a kiss on the spot. “I have a solution.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

Instead of replying immediately, Ethan bends down slightly and scoops up Naomi, bridal style. “How about I give you a matching one on the left shoulder?”

~v~

Tags: @openheartfanfics @mvalentine @choicesaddict5 @professorkingslay @maurine07 @aka-calliope @bluebellot @whimsicallywayward15 @blossomanarchy @takemyopenheart @jamespotterthefirst @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @ao719 @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @the-pale-goddess @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramseyx @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @cecilecontrera @thatysn @bellcat2010 @blainehellyes @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey @uneravine @choicest @schnitzelbutterfingers

[rjhpandapaws]

Okay so it's canon again (ish) but Connor and Nines sending messages mentally from across the bullpen at work. Are they talking shit? Are there memes? Are they discussing Sunday brunch while looking at grisly murder scene pictures? Does anyone know/find out (like "hey why do you keep going yellow randomly you good bro") or is it just between them?

//ideas!!

They did this often, sending messages during work hours. It probably wasn’t the best practice, but they could handle it and at the station was one of the few times they were separated. It was this or lingering in the breakroom, and since they didn’t need breaks in the same sense as their human coworkers the latter might have come across as suspicious. Especially in a room full of detectives. Nines was the one to start it today. Nines (RK900-87): Coffee? Connor (RK800-54): Of course. Meet you in five. “Messaging your secret admirer?” Hank asked pulling Connor from his thoughts. Hank knew who he was messaging of course, but for respect of the two of them he kept it to himself, “You’re blinking yellow.” “Gavin is giving him trouble again.” Connor responded quietly and Hank rolled his eyes, “I’m going to meet him in the breakroom in a bit to see if I can do anything.” “I doubt it, short of telling him, I don’t think there is much you’ll be able to do to get Gavin to let him alone.” Hank sighed. “I’m not too worried about Gavin.” Connor said as he stepped away from his desk, “I would rather go a week without seeing Richard on red. If that means Gavin gets his nose broken again that’s just how it goes.” Hank barked out a laugh that got a few people’s attention as Connor slipped into the breakroom. Nines was waiting for him and he looked peeved to say the least. Connor took his hand and let his skin fall away, he didn’t initiate an interface but sent calm across the open line.

“You feeling up for words or no?” Connor asked as Nines pulled him in closer. Nines (RK900-87): No. This is easier for now. “Alright.” Connor said with a nod. Nines (RK900-87): He’s getting closer with his guesses. This morning he ventured it was 60. Connor honestly didn’t mean to laugh. The secrecy was mostly for Nines’s sake, he didn’t want Gavin to know, “He thought.... you and Six?” Connor continued when he caught his breath, then he got an idea, “We could use that actually. Six is always down to cause trouble.” Nines (RK900-87): What are you thinking Connor. They are passing through the link in pieces and I can’t follow. “We make him think he’s right.” Connor said bluntly, “Either stage messages between you and Six or have him come in here and make a scene. It will get him off your back.” Nines took a moment to respond, his LED stayed rolling on yellow as he thought about it. Connor knew the decision before the message came through because of the slight smile that came to his lips. Nines (RK900-87): I like the sound of that. Now let’s actually make some coffee so we don’t make him worse.

They got back to their desks with coffee both for themselves and their detectives. Connor was taking a drink from his and nearly inhaled it when he was pinged with a new notification. Silas (RK800-60) has been added to the message log. Message Log has been changed to Its Scheming Time. Silas (RK800-60): So I hear we are fucking with Gavin. Silas (RK800-60): What are we doing?? Nines (RK900-87): I need you to come in and act like we are dating and got into a fight. Around the end of the week if you don’t get a mission. Silas (RK800-60): You require the DRAMA! Silas (RK800-60): You have come to the right man. Connor (RK800-54): Silas, don’t do anything unreasonable Connor (RK800-54): We just need a mild disruption, enough to satisfy Gavin but not start the rumor mill. Silas (RK800-60): Send me a list of the things you and Connor fight about and I’ll see what I can do.

Nines met Connor’s eyes across the station, and Connor couldn’t shake the feeling they had made a mistake.

@irrelevantbutfabulous

(Prompt from this list)

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #196

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're building the last of the Three Goddesses Alliance, Ereshkigal! (It took her long enough to show up.)

Eresh is a Grave Cleric for relatively obvious reasons, as it lets her do pretty much everything she does- raise the dead, care for the dead, raise the dead properly, cause earthquakes, and start pandemics. Maybe don't do that last one right now, we're kinda busy with one already. It's a shame Soul Cage is a wizard spell, but pobody's nerfect.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Now all of China knows you're on the naughty list.

Race and Background

Ereshkigal is part chthonic god, part human thanks to being a pseudoservant, that means Fallen Aasimar is a pretty good choice for her. You get Darkvision, Celestial Resistance to radiant and necrotic damage, Healing Hands to heal with your hands, and the Light cantrip to help the mortals with their dumb mortal eyes, using Charisma to cast it.

She's also the Three Goddess' Representative on behalf of humanity, trying to squirrel some away to prevent them from being entirely wiped out. This gives her proficiency with Intimidation and Religion, as well as an extended spell list we'll go over as it comes up. If you're wondering about the Intimidation: Yes the fandom thinks she's cute now, but you have to remember she's still a god of death. Most people aren't going to be as chill with her.

Ability Scores

Wisdom is first, Ereshkigal spent millennia honing her art alone in the underworld, so either she has a super high wisdom or an incredibly low one. But high wisdom works better for the build, so we'll go with that. Second is Charisma- some people love you, some people are terrified of you, those are both charisma. Your Dexterity is also solid, because your armor is not. Your Constitution is above average because while we don't need it for the build have you SEEN her HP stat? Your Intelligence is okay. You're not dumb, we just need other stuff more. Finally, dump Strength. You're a bit awkward with that spear, but we'll get some stuff to make it work later.

Class Levels

You're 100% Grave Cleric, so we'll just get into it. Starting off in this subclass gets you proficiency with Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as Persuasion to show off your awkward charms and History because you're literally older than the written word. At first level you also enter the Circle of Mortality, so your healing spells automatically heal for max HP on creatures with 0 HP, and you get a suped-up version of the Spare the Dying cantrip that uses a bonus action and has a thirty foot range. You also get Eyes of the Grave, meaning you can sense undead creatures within 60' of you if they're not behind cover. It won't tell you about their identity though, so make sure you don't pick a fight with Strahd, you're still only level one. You can do this Wisdom modifier times per long rest. Starting in a spellcasting class also gets you Spells, surprise surprise, and having a Ravnica background gets you even more. Being a grave cleric gets you Bane and False Life for free, giving you easy access to curses and HP boosts early in the game. Something I want to bring up about the ravnica background before we move forward: I misread how these backgrounds work before. They add spells to your class' spell list, not your spells known. That means builds where you pick spells every level only get the opportunity to learn those spells, they don't just get all of them for free. Clerics can prepare spells from their spell list every long rest anyway so it's not a big difference here, but it is something I'll have to go back and fix for the other members of the alliance and Ishtar. Anyways, you get Illusory Script added to your spell list, not exactly something you'll probably use. For spells you can actually choose, grab Resistance for a goddess core that adds 1d4 to your next save, Thaumaturgy for when you need to get dramatic with extra magical effects, and Toll the Dead to do just that for some necrotic damage. You can also choose to prepare spells like Command to flex your authority and Protection from Evil and Good to flex on your sister.

Second level clerics can Channel Divinity once per short rest in two flavors. Turn Undead takes care of undead that fail their wisdom save, and Path to the Grave will clear out anything else. Spend your action to curse a creature, giving vulnerability to the next attack that hits it. Rules as written you can't target a mountain with this, and you definitely can't get the bonus for an Earthquake spell, but I'd allow it for the cool factor. Alternatively, you can Harness Divine Power to spend one use of Channel Divinity for an extra spell slot which is a level equal to or less than half your proficiency bonus. You can do this once per long rest, but that will grow as your Channel Divinity uses do.

Usually your third level doesn't get you much of anything as a cleric, but since you're a fallen aasimar you get a Necrotic Shroud, spending an action to get really spooky for a minute. Mechanically, this is your big ghostly form, and it'll frighten nearby creatures that fail a charisma save, and for the minute you're transformed you'll deal an extra bit of necrotic damage once per turn. You can go ghost once per long rest. You also get second level spells now, including your freebies Gentle Repose to prevent people from rising back as zombies and Ray of Enfeeblement, which weakens a creature's weapon attacks for up to a minute. They can make a constitution save to shrug it off, but not until the after the spell's already hit, so at least you'll get your money's worth. Thanks to your background you can also learn the spell Enthrall, making it harder for people to notice anyone but you. As someone who's existed in this fandom for any period of time, I can confirm Ereshkigal definitely has this ability. You can also prepare spells like Spiritual Weapon to have a spear that actually hits good and Protection from Poison for more goddess core shenanigans. Finally, make sure you pick up Silence. I'm still not entirely sure how we'll build Tiamat, but that should help shut off her immortality.

At fourth level you get your first Ability Score Improvement, which won't actually be improving your ability scores. grab the Eldritch Adept feat for the Armor of Shadows invocation so you can cast mage armor on yourself for free. You also learn how to cast Friends to make it easier to make friends and terrify your enemies.

Fifth level clerics get third level spells, including your freebies Revivify and Vampiric Touch. You're the god of the dead, so people should only really die when you want them to. Alternatively, you can Animate Dead to summon some skeletons for your own uses. You can also use Spirit Guardians to get more ghostly defenses. They'll slow down creatures of your choice in your area, and if they fail wisdom save they'll take radiant and/or necrotic damage, with it getting halved if they succeed.

At sixth level you get a second use of Channel Divinity per short rest, and a second use of Harness Divine Power per long rest. You also become a Sentinel at Death's Door, shutting down a critical hit near you as a reaction, turning it into a regular attack Wisdom Modifier times per long rest. Sure, you can bring people back later, but this is way less expensive.

Seventh level clerics get fourth level spells, like Blight and Death Ward. It is really hard for flowers to grow in the underworld. You can also use Leomund's Secret Chest thanks to your background, or you can prepare Banishment to throw Tiamat back where she came from, use Guardian of Faith for more ghosts, and leave an Aura of Purity around you to give your allies the blessings of Kur.

Eighth level clerics get another ASI, and this one will improve your ability scores. Kinda. We're grabbing another feat, but being Shadow Touched will improve your Wisdom by one point. It lets you cast Invisibility or Disguise Self once per long rest for free, or you can cast either spell as if it were a normal spell on your spell list. Now you can really make yourself look ghostly, if a bit undersized for your boss fight. Your destroy undead also bumps up to hit CR 1 creatures, but that'll blow up your skeletons as well, so be careful with it. Finally, Potent Spellcasting adds your wisdom modifier to your cleric cantrip damage. Nobody can toll the dead harder than the god of the dead.

Ninth level cleric, fifth level spells. Antilife Shell prevents anyone from getting too close to you, though it also means you can't get close to them without breaking the spell. It's almost poetic. Anyway, you also get Raise Dead, which is like revivify but with a more lenient time frame. You can also instigate your very own christmas event now with Contagion! This spell poisons a target, and at the end of each of its turns it has to make a Constitution save. After succeeding three throws, the spell ends. If it fails three throws, it gets a disease for the rest of the week. The closest thing to Sumerian Flu is probably Filth Fever, which gives disadvantage on saves, checks, and attacks that use strength, but there's all sorts of diseases you can give people. Technically this isn't a contagious disease, but talk to your DM, I'm sure you can work something out. You can also use Hallow to turn your room into a little slice of the underworld, shutting down your sister even further.

Tenth level clerics can invoke Divine Intervention with a 1 in 10 chance of getting a free favor from your god. Your god is you, technically, but it'll make more sense later. You can use this once per day, but it takes a week to recharge after it actually works. You can also cast the Light cantrip now. You could do it before, but now it's stronger.

Destroy Undead grows to hit CR 2 undead, and you can cast sixth level spells. Create Undead makes stronger undead for your army. Sadly dinosaur skeletons aren't available, so you'll just have to settle for ghouls. At higher levels you still won't get dinosaurs, but you can get ghasts, wights, and even mummies! Just be careful you don't stop recasting the spell, mummy rot can be rough. You can also summon a Heroes' Feast for more blessings from Kur, and you can take on an Otherworldly Form for another ghost transformation. This spell makes you immune to fire and poison damage as well as the poisoned condition. You can fly 40' per round, get +2 to AC, and you can attack with weapons using your wisdom twice per attack action. You're stuck with the UA version of this spell, so it takes an action, but on the plus side this just gives you an excuse to use Spiritual Weapon more.

Use this ASI to bump up your Constitution for more health. Health gets added retroactively, so you get +12 HP now instead of just +1. It's pretty nice.

Seventh level spells! Resurrection further cements your control over death with a time limit of a century, and you can also Plane Shift yourself (or an enemy) into the underworld.

Destroy Undead hits CR 3 creatures now. Not even mummies can stand up to your power!

Fifteenth level clerics get eight level spells. If silence won't keep Tiamat down, Antimagic Field should do the trick. The one problem there is it's only a 10' sphere around you, and you rely on magic way more than Tiamat does. You can also cause Earthquakes, turning a very large area into difficult terrain, disrupting concentration, knocking creatures prone, and destroying structures in the area. The one problem here is that you can't fly, so be careful where you're pointing that thing.

Yet another ASI. Use this one to finally max out your Wisdom for super strong spells and better protection from crits.

If you make it to level 17, you get the super powerful ninth level spells. Also, Destroy Undead hits CR 4 creatures, and you become a Keeper of Souls, stealing away some of a dying enemy's soul to heal an ally based on the creature's hit dice once per turn. Right though, ninth level spells. True Resurrection brings someone back even if they've been disintegrated 199 years ago. It's expensive, but you can always grab some gems from your sister if you're pressed for cash. The benefits of sharing a body.

At eighteenth level you get a third Channel Divinity and another use of Harness Divine Power. Really get those paths to the grave filled, it's kind of your thing.

Use your last ASI to grab the Tough feat for 38 HP now and another 2 next level. You have one of the highest HP stats in the game, this only makes sense.

Your capstone level is an improvement to your Divine Intervention. You know how I keep bringing up multiclassing as a con when we include cleric levels? This is why. Your divine intervention now always succeeds. Period. I mean, it makes sense. You are the god giving you power. But yeah, you get guaranteed god-level power freely given as an action. You truly have the power of god and anime on your side.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Clerics have a good variety of spells, and you take it even further with your background. You can heal but you're not completely hosed on your own like Medea Lily, you can deal damage and still do stuff outside of combat unlike your sister, and you have utility without your build being dominated by it like Hundred Personas.

You might not be good in a one on one fight, but you don't get into those that often thanks to your skeleton army. If you just dedicate harnessing divine power to keeping them in line, you can have nine extra bodies on the field to turn the action economy in your favor.

Even when we're not talking about spells, you're still really supportive of your team. Shutting down critical hits and stabilizing your allies quickly will seriously improve the longevity of your party.

Cons:

Dabbling in so many areas of magic means you're unfocused, so you won't excel in any one. You won't heal as much as Medea, deal as much damage as Ishtar, or be a skill monkey like Hundred Personas.

You also rely on magic completely for combat, which means stepping into an anti-magic zone can be deadly. This is especially bad for you, since an anti-magic zone will probably be the best way to deal with Tiamat.

You might have an undead army, but your best spells are area of effect and you're a cleric. Destroy Undead is kind of a big deal for you.

[ka-za-ri]

Personal Assistant pt. 1

Hi. I’m in complete and utter Obey Me! Hell Enjoy some Lucifer x MC smut shamelessly put into a modern day CEO!Lucifer AU. Many parts to come. I’m completely covered in filth and thirst. Unbeta’d because we die like heroes here. Let me go back to being a gremlin now.

Paring: Lucifer x MC Wordcount: 5,000 ish Genre: Shameless, filthy smut Tags: Multiple Orgasms, sex on a desk, Finger fucking, overstimulation

Part 2: here Part 3: here Part 4: here Part 5: Here Part 6: Here Part 7: Here Also found on Ao3: Here

Lucifer has been sent to the human realm to study them and acclimate to and learn about their behaviors. By some miracle, you landed a job interview with his illustrious company as his personal assistant. A lot of extra work not listed on the job posting is required of you, to say the least.

Part 1: Interview

Adapting to the human world wasn’t hard. Humans were after all, predictable little things, easily swayed by their desires, it didn't take much effort at all to make them bend to his will. Lucifer’s time thus far ‘learning’ about the human realm had netted him a sizable company under his control. It wasn’t long before he became bored of that. Being a CEO of Akuzon meant many things. One being that he was always busy and needed some help around his office. Previous attempts at having a personal assistant failed him as they never satisfied his needs and kept up with the workload.

Somehow, you found yourself looking at the ad in the paper and hastily applying to the job It seemed too good to be true. It paid well, was for a reputable company, was close to home, and you fit the criteria listed. It was a shot in the dark, you knew there must be hundreds of others clamoring for the position as well. However, much to your surprise only a couple of weeks passed when you received an email requesting your presence for an interview.

The office building was massive, fitting right in with the many sky scrapers of the city. After putting on the best interview clothes you had and making your makeup was on point, you had thought you were ready for anything. Seeing the building and stepping inside it’s grand spaces had you faltering for a moment, a shiver of nervousness running down your spine. Almost everyone in the vicinity stopped what they were doing to see who it was at their front door. The nervousness increased as their gazes bored down into you, making you think you had gotten the wrong building.

“Are you here for an interview?” A young lady at the front desk asked cheerfully, noticing how lost you seemed.

“Ah! Yes! I am! For the position of Lucifer’s secretary.” You explained, relieved that there were some helpful people there.

The lady raised an eyebrow, surprised that someone so green would be chosen for such a high ranking position, but didn’t press the issue any further. Dialing a few numbers into the phone at her desk, she made a quick call. “Yes, she’s here… I’ll bring her right up.” She looked up at you, a sweet smile on her face and got up to guide you to the elevators on the other side of the floor. “He’ll be ready to see you once you get to his floor.”

“His floor?”

“Yes. His office is one of the top floors of the building. As his secretary, you’ll be responsible for taking care of it as well as any other duties he asks of you.” She explained. “You’re so lucky… I applied for that position ages ago, but couldn’t pass the interview phase. I hope you fare better than me.”

“I hope so too…” You agreed, hoping to hide the shaking in your voice.

The trip to the top floor seemed to stretch forever. The light music in the background did little to soothe your anxiety as you watched the numbers climb higher and higher until they stopped at 60 and the doors slid smoothly open after a soft chime.

“Well, this is where I leave you. He’s right beyond those doors.” The lady gave you a small reassuring push forward and before you could have any second thoughts, the doors closed and you were left alone, facing tall frosted glass doors. Taking one last stuttering breath, you took the steps forward to push open the doors. They were much heavier than expected and after a bit of a struggle, you finally managed to open it.

Before you sat the most impeccable man you had ever seen. The very image of power in a young and handsome man. The name plate placed at the very edge confirmed to you that he was indeed to be the man who was going to be conducting the interview. It was difficult to get your mind past how handsome he was. His perfectly parted hair framed his face and its long, delicate features. He wore a black fitted suit, one that probably cost more than any number you could imagine. Each stitch in its place to accentuate the lines of his body and to cut an imposing figure, even when seated. Everything about him oozed control and power. You had every right to be nervous.

He sat behind a massive desk; the only documents in front of him were what you expected to be your files. Most everything else, save for his nameplate, had been cleared off. If he had done this to intimidate you, he was doing an exceptionally good job without even saying a damn thing. “Come in. Have a seat. I’ve been expecting you.” He beckoned and gestured at the seat in front of him, his eyes raking up and down your figure, assessing everything about you. All the while, you were powerless to deny his request. His voice was soothing, low and lulled you into a strange sense of security.

Sinking into the seat in front of the desk, you sat just at the edge, reminding yourself to keep your posture proper and to keep your appearance as professional as possible. You needed to employ every trick in the book in order to succeed in the interview; and Lucifer knew that. His expression was unreadable as he waited for you to settle in, his hands idly flipping through your resume. “So, tell me, what do you think you can bring to this company working for me?”

Ah, there it was, the interview questions. You had prepared for this and the answer you rehearsed fell easily from your lips. “I have a lot of experience in working as an office manager. I understand that my duties may extend past what was listed in the job posting. However, I am willing to take in the extra hours and to work whatever job is given to me to ensure that your position and your reputation remains as impeccable as it has always been since the start. I will bring a new level of efficiency in your workflow and I will be a great asset to your company as such.”

He hummed, seeming uninterested in what you had to say. You began to sweat a bit at the back of your neck. Perhaps he had expected something more unique? Once again, he flipped through the pages of your resume, not really reading anything, just looking at the information you had put down. “I see… And how do you deal with pressure or stressful situations?”

Again, another question you had prepared for. “The easiest way to diffuse stressful stressful situations or overwhelming workloads is to make extensive lists. I like to break things down into their basic components so that large tasks are much more manageable in a timely manner.

He hums again, a vague sound of approval this time, nodding only slightly before making a mark on the papers in front of him. “Very good. Final question. How do you like to be managed?” His eyes flick up to you and there’s something in the way he gazes in your direction that makes your heart beat faster. There was something in the way his eyes trailed up and down your body that had you sitting up straighter than before.

“As long as I have clear direction, I will be able to work independently or as a team as needed.”

Much to your surprise, Lucifer smiles at the answer, circling something on the paper before getting up and sauntering over to you. “That’s very good to hear.” he said quietly, turning to look out the floor to ceiling windows to the cityscape his office overlooked. “There will be a lot of times where I can be demanding and ask you to stay later than usual hours. Will your priority still be this job if I ask this of you?”

You swallowed, not sure how you felt about the question, his tone had an undercurrent of electric energy that had you heating up and shivering at the same time. “Y-yes.” You stated after a brief pause, entranced by the curve of his spine and how well his pants fit his ass. “I can do that. I plan on making this position more than a job. I am looking for a career here.”

Lucifer nodded again, still not making any eye contact with you, which gave you plenty more time to ogle at how his posture and his stance against the window struck such a formal and imposing figure. At this point, he could tell you to work three twenty hour shifts in a row and you wouldn’t complain. The prospect of a hot boss, great pay and a job that was close to home was too tempting to you.

“If you accept this position, you will be placed on a probation period, as is customary for this company.” He explained and your heart started to beat faster. Did this mean you landed the job? You couldn’t tell if he was psyching you up for potential disappointment or if he was genuinely starting to offer you the job. “Once I’ve gone over your performance during your probationary period, your salary will increase. Additional raises and bonuses will be offered as I see fit for… exceptional work.” You couldn’t see it, but rather, you felt him smirking at his reflection in his reflection. “Does that sound acceptable to you?”

“Yes…” You breathed, mouth watering at the aspect of being able to make so much money. It was more than any other job you worked for paid.

Humans were such easy little playthings to control.

Lucifer walked back to you, standing in front of his desk and leaning against the heavy wood. “Your job will be of course to do what I request, many times without question. There will be many sensitive documents that you will handle and that requires your utmost confidentiality.”

“I understand.” You said bluntly, trying to calm your heart and your breathing to no avail.

“You understand that this position also may also involve some after hours activities which I will ask for you to partake in. They are not written on the job description, but they are paramount to this position. Don’t worry… I’ll be sure you receive clear and concise directions on exactly what to do as my personal assistant.”

You blinked. The way he worded the phrase seemed off, but you couldn’t put your finger on what. It was odd, he had always referred to the job as ‘this position’ until just now. It was the first time the actual job title until he tugged at the cuffs of his suit, undoing the buttons. “Oh…” You breathed, eyes wide, cheeks blushing brightly when you realized what he meant, the bulge in his pants was all the proof you needed for there to be absolutely no miscommunication. From the looks of it, you could only surmise that he was barely half mast in that state. Fuck, what kind of monster is he hiding in there?

“Before we sign the papers and you accept the job, I would like to do a test run to make sure you’re a good fit for the company.”

“Yes… of course.” You were practically panting, eyes blown wide and cheeks flushed. You pressed your legs together trying to hide the arousal that started pooling there after the realization that you would be servicing your future boss in rather intimate ways. That fact alone had you ready to sign whatever contract he produced in a heartbeat.

“We’ll begin by seeing how good you are at following directions. Stand up, please.” He flicked his fingers upward, eyes traveling up and down your body, knowing exactly the kind of reaction he was pulling out of you.

You were upon your feet in an instant, hands at your side, back straight as a board and your legs together. You barely dared to breathe as he left his spot on his desk to circle you. You could feel his gaze taking in every detail. He was close enough for you to smell the cologne he wore waft past you as he passed your side and you suppressed a shiver.

“What kind of posture is this?” He chided, pressing the spot between your shoulder blades gently, pushing your shoulders back. “Just because you’re standing up straight does not mean you’re doing it properly.” Lucifer tsked, shaking his head slightly. “How do you expect to represent me and this company if you look like a cardboard cut out.” His hands left a trail of goosebumps across your skin as he adjusted your body as he saw fit. Your hands folded neatly in front of you, your legs now just shoulder width apart and your shoulders back, he took another circle around you to reassess your stance. “Much better.” He murmured. “It will do you well to remember how this feels. I won’t be so lenient if I see you looking so foolishly in front of a client.”

You nodded, memorizing just how he had posed your body, reminding yourself to practice in the mirror. You didn’t dare speak unless he gave you permission to, just something about how he stalked around you made it impossible to raise any objections.

“Stay still unless I say otherwise.” Lucifer commanded next. “It’s important that you are at attention no matter what the circumstances. When I ask for your… special services, you will refer to me as Sir.” His finger traced the hem of your pencil skirt, pulling it up just a bit and you fought back the urge to flinch. “But of course, I should say that right now, you have the power to stop this at any time. Understood?”

“Yes…”

“Yes who?” Lucifer’s tone was sharp and the hand playing at the hem of your skirt moved to place a firm spank on your ass. The pain coursing down your leg, you jumped a bit, but remembered his command to stay still.

“Yes… Sir…”

“Good.” He nearly purred, leaning in to kiss the shell of your ear, his breath hot against your skin and his hand once again traveled to the hem of your skirt, playing with the fabric and pulling it up until he got a good view of the lacy lucky panties you decided to wear that day. “Very good.” he praises, tracing his fingers across the flimsy fabric. Your breath hitches as he brushes light touches across your bare skin. You stay still, demanding that your body stop trembling, though Lucifer can clearly tell just how nervous you are, shaking like a little lamb at his behest. In a show of dominance, he lets your skirt fall back down, cupping your face to pull you into a heated kiss.

Your mind is practically blank at this point, hands still clasped in front of you, gripping each other like your life depended on it while he claimed your lips and took your breath away. At some point you had reciprocated, kissing him back and earning a low growl from the back of his throat as a reward. He pulled away, your lipstick smeared across his face and his eyes glittering in lust as he looked at your disheveled form in perfect posture. “Hmm… yes… I think you’ll fit right into my needs.” He appraised, rubbing his chin and smirking. The expression sends a shiver down your spine but you didn’t dare move.

His hand guides you two steps forward towards his desk. “Bend over.” He commands and you oblige, your chest laying on the surface of the mahogany desk. Your hips flush against the edge of it while your hands stretched out to grasp at what it could to stay still as he asked. He readjusts you again, spreading your legs further, straining the fabric of your skirt. With a tsk of frustration, he pulled the offending piece of clothing up to your waist, letting the cool AC hit the back of your thighs and allowing him to spread your legs even further. In your heels, you could feel your calves tremble as you struggled to keep the position he had set for you. Thankful for the desk to cling onto, you used it to ground yourself as your ass is exposed to him. Your legs spread to the point where you were bent sharply, completely level with the desk and your hot core could feel the air conditioning blow past your heated nether lips. “You look good spread across my desk like this. I’ll be sure to make use of this position often.” He commented, rubbing your ass gently, teasing you through the fabric of your panties. His fingers brush across the wet spot on your panties and you can feel the it mold against your wet heat. Embarrassed, you stifled the whine that formed at the back of your throat. Even if the two of you were on a separate floor from others, you didn’t know if there were others right outside those heavy glass doors.

His teasing seemed to last forever and you could just see how much he was enjoying it whenever you dared to glance up and see your lewd reflection in the mirror with that salacious grin on his face as he fingered you oh so gently and left you on the edge of wanting more. Every time you glanced up even briefly, he always made sure to make eye contact with you in the reflection, knowing just how much you were affected by his basic touches.

Of course, he wasn’t getting out of the exchange with nothing. The slight bulge in his pants earlier had strained into an impressive tent seeing his new assistant splayed out before him, eager to please. Humans were such predictable creatures. Predictable, yet so much fun to toy with. He couldn’t get enough of the soft sighs that came from your lips as you held back your noises. It only made him want to see break for him even more. His slender, manicured fingers finally gave you a little relief, pressing against the wet spot in your panties and following the curves of your pussy lips that had molded themselves there due to your slick. At that, your hips bucked back, urging him to give him more but a firm hand on your lower back stopped any further movements. “I did not say you could move.”

You whined, clutching onto the edge of the desk, your fingers sore and locking up from how hard you were holding on. You weren’t sure how you were going to handle this sort of treatment on the regular when the trial run was already driving you mad with need. As if he could sense your impatience, he finally pulled down your panties, allowing your legs a brief reprieve as he took them off and tossed them to the side before making you resume the position you had held for who knew how long.

“For a trial run, you’re doing very well.” He cooed, smirking as he saw your glistening folds. “I should remind you that there are people still working in the building. We may have a floor to ourselves, but please keep that in mind and don’t scream too loudly now.” He chuckled darkly, tracing the curve of your ass and finally sinking a finger into your heat. Just the feeling of being penetrated by something had you keening and you struggled to keep yourself from screaming. “Ooh, that’s a pretty noise you make… Please make more of those.” he encouraged, slowly sliding his finger in and out of you.

“Y-yes sir.” You panted, your legs ached, but the pain was absolutely nothing compared to the pleasure that was building up in your abdomen just from feeling a finger slowly fuck you. You had come in for an interview and your soon to be boss was unraveling you in ways you had only fantasized about. All the while, Lucifer remained the very image of composure, if it weren’t for his very obvious hard on being pressed against the back of your thigh, you would have thought he was impervious to the scene he had orchestrated. Every time his finger dragged itself out of you, you let out an appreciative mewl, mind reeling as he pressed every button he needed for you to submit completely to him.

You lost track of time and how many times he left you wanting more with how his finger moved in and out of you. At some point, he had added a second, then a third, deliciously stretching you out. You were so wet and ready for him, you could feel your essence drip down your thighs as your legs struggled to keep you upright. Lucifer was patient, he had lived several millennia already, edging you until you were a begging mess on top of his desk for a few hours was absolutely nothing to him.

In a show of surprising restaurant, he pressed hot kisses against the back of your neck, nipping at your skin whenever you let out a particularly breathy sigh. The scent of sex and his cologne enveloped you and you were practically dizzy with need. “Sir…” You whined after he had curled his fingers in you, making you see stars and your walls trembled, clenching around his fingers. “Please… I need more…”

“Oh?” He asked, raising an eyebrow and removing his fingers, much to your dismay. He watched in amusement as your pussy twitched, clenching around air now that his fingers were no longer filling you. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he was surprised how long you had held out before you were begging for him. His erection had pressed against his impeccably tailored pants for so long, it was almost painful, yet, he couldn’t let you have your way just yet. Even if it was a trial, he still wanted to see just how far he could push you. “You think you really deserve more? You haven’t even gotten this job yet.”

His fingers were back on your wet, sopping cunt, sliding up and down your labia, rubbing slow, firm circles around your clit. You wailed, bucking your hips and forgetting the command to stay still until his other hand reminded you by spanking your ass cheek. “No moving.” He growled and you struggled to obey, stilling your body even though every part of you screamed to squirm and beg for him. “You will get more when I decide you get more.”

You could only nod in reply, letting him use your body as he saw fit. “For your next test. You will cum when I tell you to.” he breathed, pressing his finger against your clit, making you choke back a sob of pleasure. “After that, I promise you, you’ll be at the last part of the interview.”

“Yes, Sir. I’ll do what you want, Sir. Whatever you say, Sir.” You babbled mindlessly, your body aching for relief and release. The torture and pleasure he could pull out of you with just his fingers had your mind jumping to the future to what other things he could elicit out of you.

“Good girl.” He praised, patting your hair in a surprisingly soft gesture. He followed the gentleness with a chaste kiss on your lips before going right back to being the commanding figure you had met him as. He plunged his fingers into you again, knuckle deep and pumping in and out of you furiously, loving the way your walls fluttered and clenched as you held off on your orgasm until he permitted it. “You are so obedient… just what I like.” He praised breathlessly, working you closer and closer to the point of no return.

You couldn’t think straight, you didn’t care if others heard the lewd sounds coming from your lips as you whined, begging for release. You were so close, you wanted to cum so badly, but your determination to pass his test outweighed your desire and you held out until his silky voice whispered the blissful word into your ear. “Cum…” He purred and you gratefully crumbled, your body spasming around his fingers, milking it like it was his cock. Soft whines escaped your lips and tears of gratitude streaked down your face.

“Thank you, Sir.” You panted, blissed out and feeling weightless after such a powerful orgasm. Your vision blurred as you stared blankly at the wall, wondering if this was the end of the interview. Lucifer’s fingers leaving your sore pussy sure seemed to signal that things had reached a conclusion. Glancing up at the reflection in the windows, you flushed bright red when you saw Lucifer lewdly cleaning his fingers off with his tongue.

“Hmm… I think you would do well.” He said once his fingers no longer shone with your essence. He sauntered over to the other side of the desk where you clung onto for dear life. Sinking into his chair, he casually opened up one of the drawers, pulling out a contract and placing it in front of you. “If you believe you can keep up with my demands, then all you have to do is sign on the dotted line at the bottom. He slid you an ornate fountain pen into your hand.

Your trembling digits could barely hold onto the pen and you moved to start reading the contract, going over the terms and conditions of your new position. Most of it was the basic business jargon seen in every typical job. There were a few things that seemed out of place, but in your just fucked state of mind, it was very difficult to focus on what about them seemed wrong. Unable to really think straight about what you were getting yourself into, you placed the pen onto the paper, eager to start your new job.

Just as you the pen started to move, you heard the sound of a zipper being undone and the hard erection you had felt earlier on the back of your thigh now pressed up against your sore pussy. You gasped, eyes going wide at the feeling of being stretched out once again. “Well? Will you sign?” He asked casually, sinking into you inch by inch as you struggled to breath and think, let alone sign a contract.

“Yes… Yes, Sir…” you whined, starting to shakily write your name as he bottomed out inside of you. He hissed, taking a hold of your hips and roughly slamming them back into him to get as much contact as he could. You yelped, unable to write your name at all. Your hips banged against the edge of the desk with every one of his rough thrusts. No doubt, there would be dark bruises there the next day reminding you exactly what you did to get the job you were signing for now.

With each pass, Lucifer lets a little more of himself go, grunting in effort as he relished in the feeling of your hot walls surrounding him. He hadn’t found such an obedient human in a long time. It would be such a fun time for him to push your limits every day you were in his office. What he offered now was only a glimpse of what he had planned for you. Every time your hand stuttered in the middle of signing your name, his grin widened. The closer you were to sealing the contract with him, the closer he was to his own release that he had been holding back for hours now.

“Just a little more…” he urged, slowing down his thrusts so you had at least some time to get a few more letters of your name out. Just as you finished, he let out a primal growl, slamming his hips into yours, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in the room as he fucked you without abandon. The fountain pen fell from your fingers and you were back to clutching onto the edge of the desk as yet another explosive orgasm started to build in you.

Glancing up into the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of what Lucifer looked like while he was coming undone inside of you, you were surprised at the image you saw. It was only for a brief moment, but you swore you saw horns on him, and dark, feathery wings framing his body. The sound of the pen you dropped falling to the floor broke the illusion and the image of the prim and proper business man with an utterly feral look was all you saw.

He knew he wouldn’t last long once he entered you and so, he chased his release inside of you. As soon as the contract was signed, he was done for. His hand snaked around your abused waist to reach for your clit, bringing you to climax in time with his own. With a grateful groan, he released all the pent up tension in him, spilling his hot seed deep inside of you while your walls spasmed around him, milking every inch of him and accepting what he had given you. “Very good…” he cooed, his eyelids fluttering as he relished in the rush that came after such an explosive climax.

You whined, your body bruised and beaten, but also feeling absolutely boneless and euphoric. You hadn’t experienced anything like that before and it was all rather mindblowing to say the least. The contract in front of you with your shaky signature, ink blots from when you lost control of the pen and a fair amount of your tears stared back at you. This was your future. This would be a regular part of your life going forward; and you didn’t feel a shred of regret from it. You zoned out for a moment, hardly believing that it was all real.

Lucifer’s cock slipping out of you and the feeling of his cum dripping out of you snapped you back to reality. “Very good job. I’ll say you passed all the tests with flying colors.” He said, fixing his suit and continuing on as if he hadn’t just fucked the living daylights out of you. “I expect you to come in on Monday ready to work. I have a lot of filing for you to catch up with.”

He smirked, taking the signed contract and slipping it back into his desk. He cupped your chin in his hand and planted soft kisses on your lips, once again leaving you dizzy and breathless. “You are free to move now.” He said and you gratefully worked on closing your sore legs, wondering how you were going to make it out the office in the state that you were in. You weren’t sure you were able to walk, let alone get all the way home with how weak you were. Lucifer chuckled, dialing a few numbers into his cellphone. “I’ll arrange for a ride home for you.” He offered. “As a thank you for such a lovely interview.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, knowing you had a way to get back without catching too many unwanted stares at your disheveled state. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Lucifer.” He corrected briskly.

“Thank you, Lucifer. I’ll be sure to arrive on time Monday.” You sank into the chair to gather your wits about you, staring at your trembling hands.

“Good.” He said coolly and looking up at him, you gasped when you saw him casually twirling your panties on one finger as he looked down at you. “Your ride should be here shortly, please make sure you’re presentable, you do not want to dishonor me.”

“Yes. Of course, Lucifer.” you hastily combed your hand through your hair, hoping to take care of the worst of the flyaways. You glanced nervously at the panties in his hand, figuring they were a lost cause at this point and simply accepted the fact that you’d be taking this arranged ride with your boss’ cum dripping down your thigh. Carefully standing up, you remembered to assume the proper posture he had shown you earlier and he smiled in approval.

“Very good.” He gestured to the heavy glass doors, opening them as if with magic with a press of a button. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“Yes,Lucifer.” You replied obediently, taking the first shaky steps out.

“Oh, and one more thing.” he called out to your retreating form. You turned, blinking and wondering what else he could want from you. “Wear the same lipstick, will you? I’d love to see what that color looks like smeared all over my cock.”

“Yes, of course. As you wish.” You replied, blushing a deep red and rushing out of the office now, high off of getting the coveted position of Lucifer’s personal assistant and the prospect of what else he could ask you to do for him.

Watching you slip into the elevator, Lucifer smiled to himself. He reached into his desk and pulled out the contract, skimming the terms and conditions you had agreed to.

Humans were terribly predictable. Yet, they were also infinitely entertaining.

[butwhatifidothis]

I did it! Finally fucking did it! I 100% the support log for 3H….Holy shit, that took longer than I was expecting, lol. 

(Long rant, so heads up.)

I came in thinking “Oh they finally time-locked the supports, so I don’t have to have the damn cursor mocking me every time I open the menu like in Awakening and Fates, hurr hurr”. No no no no no. At least for Awakening and Fates, it was on my dumb ass for pressing the S-support and saving when I knew I shouldn’t. First off, if they wanted us to regain supports for Byleth in NG+, why the heck are supports for characters like Edelgard, Rhea, Dorothea and Lindhart locked? I don’t mean time-locked like the post-TS supports in a regular playthrough, I mean deadass “you can’t buy this, period” locked. “Oh it’s because you haven’t advanced that far in the story yet”. I can buy post-TS supports for the other characters, what makes El and Rhea exceptions?! The only thing that would be lost is that I don’t have to replay their entire route to get their S-support twice. It’s not like there’s enough differences between Bylad and Bylass to warrant the supports being locked, none of the characters specify a specific gender in their dialogue, and as far as different models go, changing models during a cutscene is coded into the game, so that should be no issue.  

After going through the monastery option enough times, the hubworld is in this weird limbo state where it feels like it was made specifically for Byleth’s benefit (faculty training, recruiting party members, etc,) but the rest of the party seems to benefit from it instead (Instructions, Motivation points, etc). The Explore vs Battle options just don’t mix well, which feels like poor design choice. You can focus on auxiliary battles to raise your party’s level, but at the cost of potentially missing out on more party members. You can instead focus on the monastery to recruit party members, but at the cost of Byleth falling behind due to splitting activity points between recruiting and faculty training, and being in the monastery means less time grinding for levels. This isn’t as much of a problem in NG+, but if a game needs NG+ to lessen a design problem, then that’s more of a sign to me that the idea itself needed more ironing out. 

 As far as using the monastery to raise support points goes, the hubworld definitely needs a revamp. The only (good) options available are Meal Time and Choir Practice, with the latter being limited to once per week and the former making me think that the monastery must eat their own weapons to survive due to how fucking scarce food ingredients are. Getting meat and fish isn’t too big of an issue so long as you have enough money, but produce might as well be an urban legend. There were too many times where I had 60+ fish/meat, but produce was at fucking 1. I get that they wanted to be “realistic” in having seeds grow once per week, but if it’s at the cost of a gameplay element being nigh unplayable, then some more thought needs to be put into it. Sothis is a goddess of life and time, maybe her powers allow Byleth to make plants grow faster. Just something to make this section actually playable. 

The final thing I wanted to talk about when it comes to the monastery is that, for some baffling reason, it is entirely possible to lock yourself out of key events like S-supports or being able to choose CF, simply by skipping to the end of the month. I’m not sure why this is a thing. It’s not like the game was designed with speedruns in mind (I mean, it is possible to beat a route in an hour, but fuck me if I ever succeeded in that), and nothing happens like a prompt popping up that you have to explore the monastery during that month or even limiting your options to just Explore (which the game has done before). This is especially weird for the quest in getting Jeralt’s ring (how to access S-supports), since Byleth is supposed to be sad in this month, so not being able to do seminars or Byleth being undeployable during auxiliary battles would make sense. 

The option to choose CF is even worse though, because at least for Jeralt’s ring it’s a Red Quest that doesn’t allow you to finish exploring unless you complete it. For Edelgard, however? A dime-a-dozen quest prompt you can entirely look over and skip. No prompt by the game, no indication to talk to Edelgard, nothing. FFS, Rhea’s tea time quest was given more thought. At least her quest marker is a unique color. 

(End of rant…sort of) 

…So anyways, that was my experience with the game, lmao. Now you or someone else may be thinking, “nonnie, if you had this many problems completing the game, why did you bother?”, and the answer to that good question is…I’m not completely sure, lol. I know there’s more than one reason why, so bear with me here. I know part of it is due to sunk-cost fallacy (“I’m already this far into the game, I might as well fully complete it”), but I think a bigger reason is because I knew ahead of time that the routes were so similar to each other that there was little point in having a route split to begin with (except for CF, but who gives a fuck about that?). Despite all of my bitching, I do really like 3H even if I admit that it’s my least favorite FE game that I’ve played so far. I guess a part of me just wanted to like the game more despite my issues with it. 

Now that I think about it, maybe the main reason was for fear of future mainline games. People are fear to like whatever part of a game that they wish, but I do think that 3H introduced some fundamental storytelling flaws that I’d rather not see repeated in the future, with me focusing on 3 in particular: 1) The Monastery, 2) Route Splits and 3) Byleth. 

Aside from what I already talked about in regards to the monastery, if we are going to get another hubworld in the new FE title, have it to where it doesn’t conflict with how the rest of the story is presented. Is it better to simply tell us that the Western Church is xenophobic in an easily skippable side quest early on, or is it better to show us? Enemy Western Church NPCs going after foreign party members like Dedue or Petra more aggressively and calling them “animals” or the like, the map having Duscari NPCs locking themselves indoors for fear that the Western Church will persecute them, things of that nature. Is it better to tell us that there has been civil unrest in the Empire and the citizens revolting against Edelgard, or is it better to show us? Enemy Adrestian Civilian NPCs, assassins specifically going after Edelgard in a map, maybe one where a large farmland has been stripped bare. Things like that. 

I’d rather do away with the Persona-calendar/Monastery hubworld, but if they are here to stay then they need enough content in it to keep the player engaged for 20-odd chapters, because there isn’t enough content in Garreg Mach to even hold up 12 chapters. Speaking of more content, if there’s going to be another route split in the next title, then there needs to be enough differences in the routes that actually warrants having a route split. Fates already did this well in having the route split be early in the game, along with the plot and story maps of each route being different, you could even skip to the route split moment on subsequent playthroughs, so 3H’s approach in having to play the same 12 chapters 3-4 times just felt like a massive downgrade. Playing multiple routes should feel rewarding rather than tedious, is what I’m trying to say. 

Finally, and most importantly, I know that no one at IS is reading this but on the off chance that someone is - please, for the love of God, do not make another blank-slate/self insert main character like Byleth. Or at the very least, don’t have them be the focal point of the story, it’s a big reason why AM just works better than the other routes. For a game like FE, “self-insert” and “protagonist” goes as well as oil and water. Now, out of those three flaws listed, the Byleth one is what I’m hard set on. The monastery and route split flaws, my opinion might be flexible within reason, but the Byleth one…not so much, lol. If we really do get another self-insert doll for a main character, that alone is going to make the next game a hard sell for me, because seeing all the praise Byleth got (and has been getting) makes me fear that IS is going to take the wrong lesson from this and think they don’t have to put effort in making their protagonist anything resembling an actual person and their audience will still lap it up. It would be one thing if I just hated the character, but I don’t. I’m disappointed, which is even worse.

…With that said, it’s still better than whatever the heck Cap’n’Crunch is doing. Okay, rant over. For real this time.

—

I agree with a lot said here! But I do have a few disagreements, though they’re mostly my opinion than anything else lol

And this first one is probably like, extremely unpopular given how much shit I’ve seen flung at this aspect of 3H, but like… I actually really like the Monastery? Like yes, absolutely, it should have done more to not shelter the player from how bad the war is and it should change more with the world instead of being in this mostly limbo state where apparently seasons don’t real. I definitely also have those complaints, but to me, the Monastery was fine for the most part. A lot of the issues you brought up, like supports and Faculty Training and supplies for eating, weren’t a problem for me almost at all. My only real gripe is with how hard it is for Byleth to get training in Flying, Mounted and especially Heavy Armor without NG+ unlocking weapons ranks, since they don’t have access to Weekly Chores. I do believe I still managed to recruit everyone while only unlocking C in Faith on my Maddening playthrough of GD, but it certainly wasn’t easy. But I feel a lot of the problem people have with it are on subsequent playthroughs where they’re trying to do things like 100% any aspect of 3H, which yeah is gonna exacerbate the issues tenfold. Cuz like, while those three weapons ranks I mentioned are hard for Byleth to raise, on Normal mode you have unlimited auxiliary battles to help with all the other ones. 

Like, I wanted to get Claude’s Dex to the max amount right? Just cuz I felt like it. And in doing that I found out just how tedious it is to get levels once a unit gets to a certain point, just cuz while Normal Mode gives you the Retreat option that lets you keep exp so you can drop a unit down on a yellow spot and get a decent boost in exp… you can do that like, twice or thrice on a story chapter. Once if it’s auxiliary (and not the freebie one). And that’s if you even have internet. And using the greenhouse to get Ailiell Pomegranates was a pain because they weren’t really guaranteed even if I used nothing but the right seed - doing that is more consistent, but not always, and I usually only got one anyway. It was annoying! But I was also doing a specific thing that’s gonna heighten the flaws in the system that I never would have noticed - didn’t even notice - unless I did that. The flaws are still there, don’t get me wrong! The Monastery definitely still needs improvement, battles still need to be a little more streamlined for future playthrough, but the flaws can seem a bit bigger than they are once you do certain things outside of a casual playthrough, know what I mean?

But, for example, when replaying 3H on hard mode and looking to recruit everyone after my no recruitment run, I didn’t come across any dilemma over “recruitment or Byleth being good, pick one.” That was the run my Byleth was usable, in fact - my first blind run that was no recruitment (save for Shamir) had my Byleth be pretty much completely useless while literally everyone else was fine. Also never came across problems with supplies for cooking (or at least not any big enough to comment on). So like, while these (and the above stuff) can certainly be problems for players trying to do everything everything in 3H, at least from my experience I just haven’t come across them. The monastery itself definitely needed a better story implementation, but yeah. I could’ve just been lucky tho lmao

I don’t mind how they implemented trying to get on CF at all tho lol. If you’ve been playing the game like it suggests you do - supporting characters and exploring the monastery  there’s no reason for players to have missed getting on CF. If players wanted to ignore one of the biggest aspects of the game I don’t really feel that bad for them when they miss out on very achievable things. Plus, CF’s requirements are nothing in terms of FE’s madness when it comes to getting on a route. It may be more specific than any other route, but like I said, playing the game as the game tells you to would naturally land you in it (the only thing that might be a bit unfair is that I think if you talk with Edelgard at all that month you have to decide right then and there, and then the whole month is lost. Kinda ass). 

Binding Blade, for example, requires you to do specific things that few first time players would think to do in multiple, random chapters in order for you to get the best ending. With absolutely no warning as to when these chapters happen and what to do in them. And some of these requirements are not fun lmao, I’d prefer how they did it with CF than with how they’ve handled ~secret~ stuff before personally

Pretty much agree with everything else though! While 3H is actually one of my more favored games in the series, I’ll be the first to admit that its storytelling is in dire need of improvement. Having the story and lore of the game just be spat out in lore dumps and this or that NPC just isn’t that good. Or if they are going to do that, at the very least give some visuals to go along with it! Imagine how much impactful Rhea’s story would have been if it was in a visual format, like CGs and/or a cutscene. It still would be an info dump, but at least we can see for ourselves how horrific the Red Canyon was for her! And I do not want another avatar in whatever next mainline game we get, personality or not. We’ve evolved past the need for self-inserts that all the characters Just Like lmao

But thanks for sharing your thoughts!! And sorry that it took so long for me to get to answering ;w; 

[innately-pretentious]

Finally, I Found You. (Klaus Hargreeves x Reader)

Request: Hey! I looooved your Klaus headcanons and was wondering if you could write about when him and the reader are reunited in the 60s??? Totally fine if not, have a nice day!

A/N: Awh thank you so much, I hope this is alright dude! I am really tempted to turn this into a series tho... if you want that?? Even if this is really rough and kind of rushed. Kinda angsty? Kinda sad? Very fluffy. Enjoy!

Being spat out of a spinning vortex into a dingy alley was enough to stress anybody out, especially after a rather terrifying and life threatening encounter with your sister initiating the apocalypse. Navigating through the twenty first century was difficult enough, but being catapulted into a completely new decade with nothing but your bag and clothes you were wearing just about topped that.

Letting out a cry as you hit the ground and groaning as you rolled over and tried to get our bearings. Glancing around to see if you could locate any of your siblings whom you were with only a few minutes previously, you stood up and brushed yourself off, you began calling out their names. Sadly with no success, there was no response, you were alone.

You continued pacing along the pavement, trying to come up with a plan of action. Deciding you couldn’t improve your situation much from the alley, you emerged into a busy street and began wandering down the road. Progressing along the street, you could not help but take notice of the architecture and clothing surrounding you. Definitely not similar to the modern aesthetics you were used to. Flagging down an approachable looking woman and kid you asked what year it was, sharing peculiar look she confirmed your suspicions. It was July 24th 1962. Brilliant.

Trying hard not to think the worst of your situation, you mind wandered to Klaus. The two of you had hardly been apart for more than one night over the course of your year long relationship, your stomach dropped at the thought of him being isolated in a random time period, unable to contact anyone, nobody to help. A small part of you wished Ben was with him, but you were completely clueless as to how this whole time travel business worked. You attempted to brush that thought aside for the time being, first you had to find somewhere to stay. Sleeping rough with nothing but the clothes on your back did not sound appealing, luckily you had some spare cash in your bag for a room for a few days, giving you sometime to formulate a plan.

The first night was definitely the hardest. Deciding to find the cheapest hotel you could, you booked a room for the night, collecting the keys and collapsing on the mattress. As soon as you got into the uncomfortable bed you knew sleep would not come tonight, the double bed was not helping either. You spent the majority of the night on your side, laying there and glancing at the opposite side of the mattress, where he should be sleeping. It felt too empty without Klaus hogging the blanket. You couldn’t help the collection of memories the two of you shared popping into your mind. Lazy weekday nights, limbs draped absentmindedly over one another, Klaus’ hand tracing soft patterns into your shoulder as you talked about absolute nonsense for hours. Both dreading when the morning came as you would have to leave his arms. Growing up in Hargreeves’ mansion you would constantly sneak into his room, even before you were together. Your ability to turn invisible was a great help, coming to comfort him if your father pushed him too hard again was almost a nightly occurrence. You loved the way he would relax as soon as he felt you lift up the blanket and settle in next to him, knowing he wouldn’t have be alone.

You smiled at the thought of him, he always had to be close to you. Even in his sleep you caught him reaching for you sleepily or rolling his leg onto you in an attempt to pull you closer. You often wondered if he even knew he was doing it or if it was entirely subconscious. After everything he went through growing up it was no surprise he had clingy tendencies. You wouldn’t change him for anything, if he needed you close, you had no problem obliging him. If it made him feel safe you would do it.

It was at this point the tears started to fall. For someone who had been through so much to then be stuck somewhere, unable to reach you, made your heart ache. Tomorrow you would figure something out, however futile it may be, you were determined to at least try and make a life for yourself here.

3 Months Later:

The three months had not been easy, by any means. It had mainly consisted of you on the road, finding work pretty much wherever would take you. Getting the car you were currently driving was a feat in itself, stealing an automobile had never been on your bucket list. You never liked using your power to steal, however, it was your only mode of transport and occasional place to sleep. You always coaxed Klaus not to just take things, he would be shocked if he could see you now, the look on his face would be priceless! On the bright side, you could have picked a worse car, with five seats, a convertible roof and playable radio, you had risen in worse rides.

More memories surfaced in your mind, ones where you took Klaus out for a drive out of the city during the beginning of his sobriety. This started as an attempt to inject a new lust for life into him, show him there was more to the world than just powder in the back alleys. Soon your little road trip became a weekly occurrence, driving with Klaus and losing track of time, just each other for company. You loved him dearly but you both decided it would be more beneficial if you were the one behind the wheel, not that he cared, he was given full control of the music this way. He insisted on having the windows down and the music loud, staring at you with his pupils slightly dilated, feeling doped up on life rather than various pills. You loved how radiant he looked, you even let him get away with wailing along to the lyrics on the radio, at least for a while…

“Klaus, I love you, but I’m gonna need my eardrums in the future,”

“Yes, I’m aware. Why do you think I’m gracing them with my dulcet tones?”

You couldn’t help but jokingly glare at him. Once again he was never to far away from you, laughing and giving your thigh a squeeze as you watch the city disappear behind you, along with his worries.

Dragging yourself back to the present (well, 1962), you gripped the steering wheel, forcing yourself to focus on the road instead of the bittersweet memories you held. They were the only things you had left of him, and you hoped that wherever he was, he was safe.

You decided to return to the town where it all began, Dallas, Texas. You were in need of some new clothes and a quick bite to eat before you got back on the road, in search for another short-term job to earn some much needed cash. A second-hand shop would probably be the most budget friendly option for clothes, ringing the bell as you opened the door, you began to flick through the various fabrics and patterns of clothing. One of the things you loved about this decade was the flamboyant clothing, he would have thrived here. Gathering quite a large armful of clothes, you decided to go try a few on, just looking through your selection one last time before you committed to the changing room.

You were ripped from your thoughts by a loud thud on the window, resulting in you dropping the bundle of clothes you had accumulated during your browsing. Huffing and turning your attention to the window, ready for some kind of confrontation, although, nothing could be further from your assumption.

Your eyes met with the same hazel ones you had been gazing into for the last year, unmistakable hands with tattoos were firmly placed on the glass. His jaw was slack and his eyes were wide as he gawked through the glass. You began to shake as you drank in the sight of him, your chest tightened and you found it increasingly difficult to breathe. You wanted to run into his arms, but you weren’t sure if your legs would carry you. You couldn’t feel anything except the racing of you heart. Time seemed to still as you just stared at one another.

He was the first to break the gaze, tripping over himself in an attempt to reach the door. He forced the door open so forcefully that the bell nearly fell off, it didn’t stop him though. Running down the shopping aisle, pushing the racks aside as he continued towards you, knocking over a few clothing racks, not slowing down as he slammed into your open arms. The impact of the force sending the two of you tumbling to the ground, both of you gripping onto the other in fear they may disappear again. He could feel you shaking in his hold, overwhelmed with the entire situation, he kept his grip firm around you, letting you know that he is here and you are safe. He doesn’t plan on leaving you.

Finally managing to pull his face from the crook of your neck, you held his face in your hands, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. You weren’t aware you were crying until you felt his calloused hands brush away a stray tear from your cheek.

“It’s really you isn’t it?” You managed to choke out, you must have looked insane to the shopkeeper, both of you smiling and sobbing, curled up on his shop floor.

“Of course it’s me, nobody could recreate this amount of beauty and personality twice,” he joked and cracked a smile. That typical Klaus smile you missed so much. Even in a time like this, supposedly sentimental, he still had to get a wisecrack in.

“You’re such an idiot Klaus, only you could compliment yourself in a time like this,” you said, you weren’t sure if you were crying or laughing at this point, but you knew you were finally happy.

“I’ve had to do it myself for a while since you were absent,” he said, you couldn’t miss the subtle sadness that passed over his features.

“Come on then Y/N”, he groaned as he stood up, offering a hand to help you, “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

You glanced up at him before you accepted his hand, his hair was longer than before and he looked healthier, but he was undeniably still your Klaus. You placed you hand in his and let him drag you up, resting his arm around your waist, slightly tighter than he used to. You allowed your head to rest on his shoulder, re-familiarising yourself with his body. The two of you definitely had a long conversation ahead, you allowed him to drag you to the nearest diner, excited to unburden yourselves after finally finding each other.

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

fic writer interview

I was tagged by @aadmelioraa, and though I’m late answering, this couldn’t have come at a better time since I’ve been thinking a lot about writing (in general) lately. Thank you! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60, with 58 of them in one fandom

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

719,515. This number really blows my mind and I am determined to get to a million words before too much longer. 

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Only 3 at this time. Primarily t100, and one fic each for Bridgerton and Wu Assassins (coincidentally both Netflix shows). I also have an upcoming fic that will be in another (new-to-me) fandom (The Last Kingdom - clearly I have a thing for Netflix Originals).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All are t100 Murphy/Raven fics, since that’s primarily what I write. It’s so funny to me but I don’t think there’s any rhyme or reason about what gets the most kudos. I love all my story-babies (even the ones that aren’t as good), but for sure some of the fics that I am most attached to as a writer don’t equate to popularity.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, I reply to every single comment. I don’t get massive amounts of comments, so of course that makes it easier for me to engage, but I find it very meaningful when people take the time to give positive feedback and praise, and it genuinely motivates me to keep writing. By engaging with readers of my works, I’ve become more friendly with a lot of great people.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. Personally, I find “angst” difficult to define in fanfic. I tend to use that word almost interchangeably with “emotional”, and I know not everyone does. Although I don’t write a lot of open-ended or open-interpretation endings, I do enjoy reading those. But usually my characters at least have hope at the end of the story, if not a typical ‘happy ending’. So I guess that means I’ll say that Ashes Will Scatter as well as A Well Made Mistake are my angsty-est endings, because they are very much... open. Both Murven stories, though that’s probably obvious.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t have a rule not to write them, but so far I have not. I have to care a LOT about the characters in a story to write a fic focused on them, so I am more inclined to take settings & plot from one show and incorporate it into a fic focused on another show rather than to merge two shows (and their characters) together.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I would not categorize it as hate, but I have gotten anti-Murven comments on my fic, which is mostly amusing to me. Look at my fic list - does it really look like I’m going to stop writing them any time soon?! LOL!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

This question made me laugh. Oh yeah, I write smut. Typically hetero smut, though relationships of all types & genders are in my stories.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think I’ve had a fic stolen, per se. But I have been asked in a comment if someone could take my story, change the character names and post it to another site for another fandom. I don’t think the commenter meant to be rude (likely different customs/culture in their country), but that was a big NO for me.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I do know that at least one lovely reader told me that they translate my fics for their personal reading, which is incredibly wonderful.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I am not completely opposed to it! I’m a bit of a Type-A so I’d really have to trust the person I was writing with & feel like we interpreted characters similarly though.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I had never felt an urge to write anything before Raven and Murphy came along. I liked plenty of ships and fandoms, and read fanfic for years. But nothing sucked me in like them and compelled me to start typing. I don’t usually obsess to this level, so while I can’t say what I’ll answer in the future, I really can’t ever imagine these two falling out of favor in my book.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oh man... I want to say NONE because I really would like to finish the two stories on ao3 that I categorize as WIPs (A Simple Plan & Only Then You’ll See). I do expect both of them to get done at some point, but Only Then You’ll See is for sure my biggest and most ambitious story. I also do have plans to write sequels to a few of my fics, although I don’t count them as WIPs since the stories already on ao3 are what I consider to be a finished work and any continuation/sequel will be a stand alone story too.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization, original ideas and to some extent, plot. Sometimes dialogue. I can’t say that anyone else would consider them strengths in my writing, but they are usually things that I am proud of in my works.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Cutting out unnecessary dialogue because I am super-freaking wordy. I cut out what I think is a lot sometimes but am still left with a very wordy fic. Emotional dialogue is particularly difficult. Also I am very much a pantser and I often rely too much on my ability to pull a rabbit out of my hat in a fic I’ve started where I don’t always know where things are going. I don’t hate this because it’s my style, but I do think I need to get better at PLANNING my fics rather than just diving in and “see where it goes”.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t think too much about it. I’ll put in a necessary language if that’s what a character is speaking or what the story calls for.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

t100

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This question is always too hard! I can’t pick a favorite child and it’s the same for my stories. Objectively I can see & say that some are better than others, and there are some where I might change things if I re-wrote them now, but they were all necessary for me to write at the time I wrote them. So MY favorite story will likely always change based on a lot of factors. Today I’ll say Across The Ocean Wild And Wide because I made a point of trying to get better with description in that story, and I feel like I accomplished that. Also it’s very fairy-tale and I’d never tried anything like that before.

I’m gonna tag @jarleene @hopskipaway @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @osleyakomwonkru and anyone else who wants to fill this out! Happy writing!

[boymeetsweevil]

the most magical place in hell

Grouping: (For Science) Reader x JK

Word Count: ~3.1k

Warnings/Themes: implied sex, 5 is a crowd annoying friends since that’s the vibe these days, d*sn*y please don’t sue

Prompt: “For Science, I miss this couple sm. Any scenario would be fantastic! For inspo, did JK and OC get to go on a vacation, (jk expressed he wanted to in his journal) if so how did that go? Any fun new experiments?”

A/N: This commissioned fic is part of the Changes with Luv project, hosted by FicsWithLuv. Here you can find more information about the project, cause, places to donate, and ways to commission a piece or offer your services if you are a content creator. Thank you!

On the third day of the cruise, Jungkook rolls over in his sleep. His hand reaches for you. His palm meets the bare skin of your shoulder already moving despite how pale the morning light is under his lashes.

“What’s happening,” he mumbles before grabbing more greedily at you. There’s not too much resistance as you let yourself be dragged a few inches across the sheets.

“We have to get up. Breakfast starts in 10 minutes, remember?”

You lean down to press a peck just above his brow bone and he groans. As you pull away, there’s a sweet waft that hits him and lets him know you’ve already showered and gotten ready. Now it’s his turn.

He gives himself just until you gather your things and shut the door to the room. Then he’s pulling himself out of bed with every ounce of energy he has left. He brushes his teeth with his eyes closed, does a perfunctory shower with the lights off like it’ll give him some more sleep. But he’s still dead tired as he throws on an outfit and heads out the door.

The walk to the dining area was exciting 3 days ago. The decadent decor, the view from the high balcony separating his floor from the others, the grand 20’s style atrium with Mickey Mouse memorabilia incorporated throughout. Everything used to be exciting 3 days ago. Sadly, the first day passed and things quickly lost their charm.

As he scoops a smiley-face omelette onto his plate in the buffet line, he searches for your face in the crowd of families scarfing down their first meals of the day so they can take their kids to the waterfall pool on deck 6. By the time he reaches the end of the line, there’s still no sight of you among the tables. So he ventures outdoors where there’s less seating but considerably more sun. He thinks back to his quick routine in the room. Did he remember to put on sunscreen?

When he finds you, you’re stretched out on a beach chair and taking in some of the sun. His mood is partially lifted when he sees just how content you look getting warmed like a lizard on a rock in your tiny bikini. He stands over you deliberately just to see you pout and pull down your sunglasses with a huff.

“Oh, it’s just you.”

“Who’d you think it was?”

“I thought it was Hoseok about to ask me to take his profile pic again.”

Jungkook chuckles a little before sitting in the open seat next to you. “Couldn’t have been him. Too early.” “That’s true.” You sit up then, peering at his plate. “What’d you get us?”

“Us?” His smile is warm. “I thought you’d have eaten by now with the way you left the room.”

“I was looking for an empty spot for us. It was your job to find the actual food.”

“No one else would willingly wake up this early,” he cuts a fraction of the omelette before holding the bite up to you. “But I guess it’s only fair.”

You open your mouth happily.

“Permission to board the S.S. girlfriend?”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m wasting fuel in the port,” he continues to hover the fork just outside your reach, even when you jump forward with a nip.

“Permission to board,” you grumble.

He laughs like you told a great joke and gently feeds you the bite. With soft eyes, he watches you point to different things on the plate and dutifully feeds you your fill. This might be the first time he’s been able to spend a few moments alone with you since the five of you got on the cruise. He finishes up the bit of toast you couldn’t finish and the few blueberries that didn’t interest you. He must be staring because you turn to him in your reclined position and return the favor.

“You’re looking a little red. Did you put on sunscreen?”

“I think I forgot. I was trying to get ready fast so you wouldn’t have to sit around alone.”

“I wasn’t alone,” you reach into the bag you brought for sunscreen. “Yoori was with me. She left for the gym maybe 2 minutes before you came out here.”

“Oh,” is all he says.

Jungkook scowls a bit as you rub the lotion onto his face. That Yoori and Hoseok, and probably even Taehyung, might be spending more time with you on this trip than him is starting to be the horrible icing on this shitty vacation cake.

“Why don’t we take some time to—” He begins but a large shadow looming over the two of you makes him stop in his tracks.

“Hey,” a man with thick blond hair and even thicker muscles nods down at you. “You were at the adult lounge last night, right?”

Jungkook’s mouth drops open. Thor—or the actor who plays him during the Marvel day activities—has come up to your spot. He’s got the Ragnorok breastplate on with board shorts adorning his chiseled lower half. From the top up, he looks just like the real thing.

“Wow. Yeah I was, I’m surprised you remember,” you hold a hand over your eyes so you can look up at “Thor”.

“How could I forget. You and your beautiful friend were quite the sight yesterday.”

“Oh, uh. Thanks.”

In all his excitement, he overlooks the flirting. Jungkook stands up from his seat then and sticks out his hand. “Thor” shakes it hesitantly.

“Hey. I know you’re not the real thing, but it’s great to see you. I wasn’t at the adult lounge last night, so we didn’t get to meet.”

Jungkook makes sure to puff out his chest so “Thor” will notice the print of his button down shirt. Tiny little hammers.

“Do you like the shirt?” He beams. 

“Thor” squints down at the animated hammers.

“I can’t say I really know what’s on it, but sure.” 

“They’re...they’re Mjölnirs.”

“Mole-whats?”

You gasp, clapping your hands over your mouth. 

Jungkook drops “Thor”’s hand at the same moment, disappointment turning down the corners of his mouth.

“Nothing. They’re just drawings. Have a good day, man.”

“Thor” chuckles before looking back down at you. “Cute kid,” he says before sending you a wink and making some comment about getting to rehearsal.

Yoori returns from the gym that moment, nearly running into “Thor”. He gives her an appreciative once over which she returns smugly. Her expression changes as she approaches you and Jungkook looking like you had both seen a car crash.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you respond quickly with a subtle look at the back of Jungkook’s head to tell her ‘not now’.

“Well,” she plops down on the end of Jungkook’s beach chair, “How was breakfast?”

“It was fine,” Jungkook sighs and scoots back so she’ll have some room. “We finished a little while ago. Now we’re just making plans for the rest of the morning.”

“Couple stuff...I’ll go get myself a plate, then.”

You wait until Yoori’s disappeared into the dining area to turn to Jungkook. He doesn’t look angry per se. Just resigned.

“What were you saying before?”

“Hmm,” his eyes are far away, “I was just saying we could take some time to ourselves.”

He wants to say he feels like he’s barely seen you since he stepped on the ship, but he doesn’t want to make you feel bad. The funny thing is that you weren’t even looking forward to the trip before the first day. The tickets for this Marvel cruise were a last minute gamble. You had dropped many not-so-subtle hints about wanting to go somewhere a little less kid-friendly, but he’d waited until the last minute.

At first it seemed like the best possible last choice a person could have. You were all fans of the comics and movies with the exception of Taehyung and Yoori. Taehyung was more of a DC fan and Yoori just sort of let the movies wash over her. You’d been worried that the week would be torture for you with all the screaming kids around. But you were actually having the time of your life. Meanwhile Jungkook was having a less than ideal time.

“Sure. Like what?”

“Maybe we could relax? I’ve had research video meetings the last two nights, so I haven’t really been up for the late night stuff. And I’m just barely up for the morning stuff.”

“Hmm. What about the spa? I haven’t been there yet and it’s on my list.”

“The spa?” Yoori comes out with a mountain of waffles and rumpled-looking Taehyung and Hoseok behind her. “Yeah, let’s go to the spa!”

“Actually, I think Kook just wanted to—”

“I heard it’s actually pretty decent on this boat. They have a hot rock massage where all of the rocks look like the Tinman’s suit.”

“The Tinman,” Jungkook practically chokes.

“I think she means Iron Man,” Hoseok grins sleepily. “Anyway, I’m down for the spa thing too. Never too early to have a tiny lady go in on my thighs.”

“You’re literally so nasty,” Yoori glares back at him.

As your other friends bicker, you flash Jungkook an apologetic look. He shrugs because that’s easier than fighting it. He relishes the second plate of food you get for him and lets you feed him the bites in between kisses and mini-reapplications of sunscreen. It’s all the rest he gets that day. The spa is probably the least relaxing moment of his life.

He doesn’t even get to sit near you. Instead, he gets roped into the men’s section where Hoseok’s tiny lady goes too hard on his thighs and the resulting yelps make Jungkook’s ear drums pound. Taehyung falls asleep two minutes into the Iron Man hot rock massage and snores in a way that’s nearly identical to the 60 year old guests napping nearby.

You emerge from the women’s section with Yoori looking like you’d smell and feel like a rose petal. But Jungkook doesn’t ever find out if you do, because he’s being thrown right back into more “fun”. Somewhere in the back of his mind—between Black Widow meet and greet and the Ant-Man lunch show—he thinks that he would probably be having actual fun if he had some time to breathe. Although, he figures it’s enough to just breathe you in. He feels slightly less drained looking at your smiling face and wide eyes as a wild Hulk appears behind you at the pool after lunch, spraying you lighty with comically huge muscles and a comically tiny water gun.

“You’re not coming?”

Jungkook groans, partly out of guilt and partly out of exhaustion. It’s nearing 10:30 at night and you’re getting ready to go to the adult lounge again. This time it’s for all-things-Spiderman trivia and drinks. He wants to want to go. But he can’t find the strength. He figures too much sun and too much socialization is the answer.

“You’re not staying,” he counters as he does his best to sit up in bed. There’s a nice soft glow bleeding in from the giant picture window of the suite that looks onto the water and there’s some Loki pajamas calling his name. Your tight little dress is calling to him too. I’d look better on the floor, it says.

“I figured this would be a lot more lowkey than everything else we’ve done today. There’s no water and no noisy families. Or screaming Hoseoks.”

“You heard that earlier?”

“I did,” you grimace. “He must have really pissed off that masseuse.”

“I’m pretty sure he just talked with her like he talks normally.”

“Can’t fault her for that, then.”

There’s a beat of silence as you test the security of some strappy heels. Naturally your eyes wander from the shoes to your boyfriend. He’s tapping away at some emails on the ship’s slow wifi no doubt. If you couldn’t tell how tired he was from the slope of his shoulders and the bruise-like shadows under his eyes, the giant yawn he barely stifles is a giveaway.

“Maybe I could just—”

The door to your suite swings open, revealing Taehyung looking frightened in a silky peach button down as Yoori pinches Hoseok’s ear.

“You’re coming, right? Please tell me you’re coming.”

“She’s coming,” Jungkook pipes up from the bed. His eyes never leave the screen of the computer as he types away, but he blinks slow and long. Your heart aches a little.

Taehyung breathes out a sigh of relief and links arms with you. You get one last look at your exhausted boyfriend before you’re pulled out of the room entirely.

“Do you think they’ll even bother asking about the Garfield version?” Taehyung’s question shakes you out of your worry.

“Pfft, no.”

On the fourth day of the cruise, Jungkook is awakened earlier than he wants yet again. A large clap of thunder and the bolt of lightning flash from the other side of the window. He crawls quietly around your sleeping form and throws on his glasses. There’s heavy rain too—a sure sign that the pools and sundecks will be closed. Out of habit, he checks his email and sees a message from the ship coordinator.

Esteemed Guests,

As some of you may know, two performers at last night’s dinner show in House of Mouse theatre (Deck 5, room 6B) showed signs of a stomach bug during the performances. For the safety of the rest of the cast, staff, and guests, we will be postponing today’s shows to sanitize the performance rooms and allow the actors time to recover. Room service will still be available.

We know this is a large inconvenience, and to thank you for understanding, please check your trip accounts for a refund for today’s fares. Additionally...

Jungkook can’t help the fist pump and small hoot he lets out. The email gives him the same feeling he gets on those days when he wakes up hours before his alarm only to discover his professor had cancelled class for the day. With a skip in his step, he returns to bed.

When he wakes up hours later, it’s natural. You’re still spooned to him, still soft and warm and pliant in sleep. He runs the tip of his nose along your neck while the fog of sleep lifts. The smell of your soap and skin is warmed with sleep. The sniffing must tickle you, because you stir before arching against him in a morning stretch. He moves so he doesn’t get in the way of your swinging limbs and smiles to himself. It feels like it’s been forever since he last got to hold you like this without the threat of someone whisking you away.

“Morning,” your voice is gravelly from disuse. “What’s going on. What’s the plan?”

“There’s no plan.”

You’re still half asleep, but you have the social awareness to let your voice go high with incredulity. “No plan?”

“No plan. They sent an email.”

“Read it to me?”

He reads the formal apology while you turn in the covers so you can embrace him while you wake up. By the time he’s done reading, you’ve sat yourself up to look at his phone screen as well.

“Sounds good,” you chirp.

“Really? I would have thought you’d be disappointed about not having a packed day. You’ve been zooming around since we got on board.”

“Yeah, but this was supposed to be our time together. It’s only natural that your friends would tag along.”

“So they’re my friends now?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Only when they’re annoying.”

As if on cue, the front door sounds with knocking. Taehyung is the one who calls out about breakfast plans, but you know all three of them are out there. It’s almost a menacing thought.

“Your friends are here,” he groans. His head falls back onto his pillow defeatedly. They’re likely to burst in any second.

“Don’t worry.”

The sound dies down momentarily when Yoori mentions the extra keycard you gave her for emergencies. Hoseok and Taehyung continue to jiggle the door for sport while chatting idly. Meanwhile, you crawl underneath the sheets and re-emerge on Jungkook’s side of the bed. You look him over, as if searching for something. He’s about to ask what you’re looking for when you reach out and pinch both his cheeks suddenly. While he’s mid-yelp, you swoop in and nip at his lips. It’s quick but it was just harsh enough that his face looks blotchy and his mouth starts to swell.

He whines. “Is this because I called them your friends?”

“Just trust me,” you hiss before your hands disappear further down the sheets to tug off your own underwear and throw it towards the door.

A moment later, the door swings open to reveal Yoori, Hoseok, and Taehyung. Their smiles are bright until they take in the scene. Jungkook’s hair is a mess, his cheeks are flushed, and his mouth looks like it’s been lightly ravaged. Though you’re mostly covered with the sheets, the underwear that is very clearly not on your body and the way the sheets drape over your head as you lay between his knees tell a very convincing lie.

“I think I just caught that stomach bug.” Yoori says lightly, still smiling. Hoseok peers behind her, looking mildly interested.

“I hate it when I remember they have sex with eachother,” Taehyung buries his face in his friend’s shoulder looking mortified as Yoori slowly closes the door.

“Yeah, it’s kind of like walking in on your aunt and uncle doing it. But, like, 12 times worse.”

Jungkook basks in the new silence for a few moments before it’s replaced with the rustle of sheets.

“What are you doing” he trails off to a whisper as you tug the waistband of his underwear down. Your hands still.

“You don’t want to have boat sex?”

“No, no, I do. I wanna have boat sex.”

He nods intensely and you laugh at how earnest he still is. Jungkook’s cheeks flare up, now doubly red from quiet excitement.

“Guess I should have just proposed this, huh?”

“Yeah,” you hum thoughtfully while moving on your knees to straddle his hips. “I can't see how this would have ruined anyone’s fun.”

“I can think of a couple people’s fun we just ruined.”

“I really meant my fun. Speaking of which,” you settle onto his lap and begin to grind.

He shudders, head falling forward with a sigh. This, he thinks, is the real happiest place on earth.

[theotherjourney7]

“I was gonna leave The Week In Tory until Friday the 2nd October but at their current rate it'll be very long by then, and I'm worried about you, mate.

It's OK to get drunk on at 5pm on Monday the 28th of September, isn't it? Well, that's my recommendation anyway. Here goes...

1. In June UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson said to Black Lives Matter protestors: “I hear you”, and acknowledged the “incontrovertible, undeniable feeling of injustice” that “we simply cannot ignore”

So obviously, 40 Tory MPs refused to take part in unconscious bias training

2. The government shut pubs an hour early, seemingly under the impression coronavirus (an inert, sub-microscopic infectious entity with no brain or nervous system) can tell the time.

The government demanded we all follow the rules

The government exempted House Of Commons bars from the rules

3. Health Minister Helen Whately said “people who get drunk and leave the pub to keep on partying should remember their responsibility for the nation’s health”

Helen Whateley, who is *actually* responsible for the nation’s health, was sober when she said this. Presumably

4. After 6 months of world-leading “throwing apps in the bin but taking the cash anyway”, the government finally proudly released an NHS Testing App

It didn't work with NHS tests

Or on 18% of phones

Or in Scotland or Northern Ireland

And a report said only 10% of the us will use it, cos we don’t trust Dominic Cummings with our data

Nor should we: the Data Commissioner said Cummings' proposed changes to privacy law will see the UK barred from sharing global data, and cost the UK economy "up to £80bn"

5. Meanwhile the promise of 500,000 tests per day won’t be reached because, in news that should shock nobody, the government failed to order enough raw materials

So the government stopped releasing evidence of how many are being tested, cos if you don't look at it, it isn't real

6. The government, which only weeks ago was demanding we go back to work or all get sacked, now demands we all stay at home

7. Them the government said the reason the UK had the worst Covid response AND worst economy in Europe is because we are “freedom-loving”

8. And then government freedom-lovingly banned schools from using any materials that criticised capitalism

Not content with this, they also banned schools discussing “victim narratives”, which is going to make it tough to maintain their national anti-bullying strategy

9. And then a leaked report said the government was planning to freedom-lovingly deploy the military on the streets

10. Meanwhile, the government announced only 24% of businesses have done any preparation for Brexit, and only 30% of cross-channel HGVs have the correct paperwork

11. The government finally admitted what they’d been told repeatedly since 2016, and said Brexit would create 2-day queues of 7000 lorries at Channel ports

7000 lorries (at the average 16.5m each) is 1155km. That’s a queue over 70 miles long. Every day.

To solve this, the government announced a new internal border in Kent, helpfully relocating 70 miles of queues to London, Essex, Surrey and East Sussex instead

A month ago, Tory MP Sir Edward Leigh was demanding we “take back” Calais. Now we’re essentially abandoning Kent.

Because we only had 4 years to plan for this, our lovely new border will start on 1 January and be controlled by software that – and you should probably open a second bottle around now - won’t be ready until at least 4 months later

Oh, and border checks won’t be ready in Northern Ireland either

But we might not have a problem anyway: it was revealed there are just 2000 EU haulage permits for our 40,000 UK hauliers. That’s 5% of what we need, for any Govt Ministers struggling with the maths

12. And we don’t even have enough pallets for the goods we import, cos we currently rely on a supply we share with the EU, and have neither the wood nor the treatment plants, nor the required chemicals to make and treat our own

So now the government has to make a 200m border, a mechanism for policing it, an internal passport system, software, admin, buy 38,000 permits and grow enough trees for 700,000 pallets. In 3 months.

It had 5 months to add up some A-Level results, and that went swimmingly

13. I’m sure supply-and-demand won’t force prices sky high, cos it never does when you have 5% of the food the nation needs and a govt which boasts about breaking the law, but it was also announced tariffs will add £3.1bn to the nation’s food bill in Jan 2021

14. As a mark of confidence, Jim Ratcliffe, Britain’s richest man and a leading Brexiteer, buggered off to Monaco

15. And an unnamed minister was quoted: “We are stuck in a bind. If we try to cancel Brexit we destroy ourselves; if we go ahead with it we destroy the country”

16. The London School of Economics reported the long-term cost of Brexit will be 2-3 times the cost of Covid

So Rishi Sunak cancelled the budget, cos once again, if you don’t look at it, it doesn’t exist

17. JPMorgan shifted £200 billion out of the UK and into Germany calling it “a result of Brexit”.

At least 22% of our entire national economy depends on international banks based in the City of London, so when the largest one fucks off, it's a relaxing development

18. Former Prime Minister Theresa May said the government’s bill to break international law is “reckless” and “risks the integrity of the United Kingdom”

19. The Attorney General, who takes an oath to parliament, the Queen and The Bar to observe the law, said she was “very proud” to be breaking the law

The UK is a signatory and legal guarantor of the Good Friday Agreement, which brought peace to the island of Ireland after 3600 violent deaths. The Attorney General, who is sworn to maintain peace, says Brexit will break the GFA, and she is “extremely proud” of that too.

Turns out, the advisory Professor who told her she should go ahead and break the law and endanger peace in Ireland is the partner of Michael Gove’s special advisor. It’s amazing, these coincidences. Almost as if they don’t want to listen to anybody else

20. Speaking of which, UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s old friend and unfailingly irrumating backer (google it) Charles Moore, who has spent his life demanding the end of the BBC, and said the BBC causes "human misery worthy of Dickens" (does he mean Mrs Brown's Boys?) is in line to run the BBC

And it was reported ex Daily Mail Editor Paul Dacre, who shouts c*unt so much his meetings are called “the vagina monologues”, and whose paper is banned as a Wiki reference cos it lies so often, is going to be put in charge of Ofcom: ensuring decent and honest broadcasting

Oh yeah, and Boris Johnson tweeted “a free press is vital in holding the government to account”, which is probably why the people holding his govt to account are being replaced with his mates and cheerleaders

21. Tory MP and successful conscience-donor Andrea Jenkins got paid £25k from a thinktank that doesn’t exist

22. And because no list is complete without a disturbing nocturnal visitation from the smirking angel of death, Home Office Secretary Priti Patel was accused of incitement to racial hatred

23. Whilst Patel, Jenkyns and the Attorney General were busy redefining “the party of Law and Order” the rest of the govt took a wild swing at “the party of fiscal responsibility”, when it was revealed the government has wasted £3,895,556,000 since March.

This includes unsafe testing kits; face masks that don’t work; broken tracing systems; useless antibody tests; cancelled ventilator challenge; and inexplicable contracts to sweet manufacturers and dormant companies with no employees, to provide PPE that never arrived!

24. The government, which insisted schools and universities reopened, said it was now vital to lock down students and prevent them from mixing in large groups

And then the government said it was sanctioning class sizes of up to 60 which ... remind me, is that more or fewer than 6?

25. Health Secretary Matt Hancock said “we’re giving up to 11,000 iPads to care homes to enable residents to connect with loved ones”

“Up to” is a bit telling, but even if it’s 11,000, there are 21,700 care homes in the UK. I guess they’ll just have to share. Goodbye forever, nana!

26. And finally, if you feel all alone in despairing at this: you aren’t. Belief in Britain as a “global force for good” has fallen 10% since 2019. I, for one, am shocked to the core....”-Russ

[bobasheebaby]

Grey’s Anatomy Prompts

I’m going a tad stir crazy, so I decided to make a prompt list of 80 Grey’s quotes I love. This may have been done before but I don’t care. It’s mostly angsty prompts and it’s long as hell. (Break at 15)

1 “When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I’m all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.” —Meredith Grey

2 “Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun—you are.” —Cristina Yang

3 “Your choice, it’s simple: her or me? And I’m sure she’s really great. But I love you. In a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.” —Meredith Grey

4 “If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there.” —Mark Sloan

5 “It always feels like there is just one person in this world to love. And then you find somebody else, and it just seems crazy that you were ever worried in the first place.” —Lexie Grey

6 “Don’t let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice, so use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes, just find your voice, and when you do, fill the damn silence.” —Meredith Grey

7 “Not everyone has to be happy all the time. That isn’t metal health. That’s crap.” —Meredith Grey

8 “Breakthroughs don’t happen because of the medicine. Real breakthroughs happen because someone is scared to death to stop trying.” —Derek Shepherd

9 “We don’t get unlimited chances to have the things that we want, and this I know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.” —Addison Montgomery

10 “And if you can't do it, if you aren't willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping, even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed.” —Amelia Shepard

11 “Oh screw beautiful! I’m brilliant! If you want to appease me, compliment my brain.” — Christina Yang

12 “You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me.” — Derek Shepard

13 “The only time I don't feel like a ghost is when you look at me, because when you look at me, you see me. You see me. This is me.” — Owen Hunt

14 “It's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose.” — Richard Webber

15 “You are my person. You will always be my person.” — Christina Yang

16 “It doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.” — Alex Karev

17 “Please, don't chase me anymore, unless you're ready to catch me.” — Callie Torres

18 “Change … we don’t like it, we fear it. But we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is … everything.” — Meredith Grey

19 “Intimacy is a four letter syllable for- here’s my heart and soul, please grind them into a hamburger and enjoy. It’s both desired and feared. Difficult to live with, impossible to live without” -Meredith Grey

20 “You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it. All you gotta do is survive.” -Alex Karev

21 Walk tall. All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought. You loved. You Lost. Walk tall.” -Mark Sloan

22 "Just because people do horrible things, it doesn't always mean they're horrible people."-Izzie Stevens

23 "I am woman. Hear me roar." - Miranda Bailey

24 "I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you and I think you love me too. Do you?" -Jackson Avery

25 “If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, stop accepting crap and demand something more.” -Cristina Yang

26 “You didn't love her! You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love!” - Callie Torres

27 I am not an ugly duckling. I'm a swan."-April Kepner

28 “Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big 'pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window', unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.” - Meredith Grey

29 “I’ve had to give up things but what I’ve learned is that I don’t need much. I don’t need much to be happy.” -Arizona Robbins

30 “I need the day off. For drinking.” -Addison Montgomery

31 "It turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to find out who we really are." -Denny Duquette

32 “In the beginning everyone is there, but then they forget.” - Amelia Shepherd

33 "Knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying." -Meredith Grey

34 “You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end.” -Teddy Altman

35 “Yeah we’re friends…I mean right now I’d probably say you’re one of my best friends.”-George O’Malley

36 “I’m just gonna feel bad that I made it so you can never love again” -Jo Wilson

37 "The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes." -Owen Hunt

38 “There’s a land called passive agressiva, and you’re their queen” -Derek Shepherd

39 “Let’s play a game of whose life sucks the most. I’ll win. I always win.” -Meredith Grey

40 “I take things personally. I get emotional.” -Lexie Grey

41 “Stop looking at my like that. Like you’ve seen me naked” -Meredith Grey

42 “Pretty good is not good enough, I want to be great.” -Cristina Yang

43 "Don't let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice so use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes, just find your voice, and when you do, fill the damn silence." - Meredith Grey

44 “Let’s just make-out on the couch.” -Nathan Riggs

45 "Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." -Meredith Grey

46 “Deal with your jealousy. Deal with your shortcomings. Don’t put your crap on me.” -Stephanie Edwards

47 "I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past - I know, but I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you.." -George O’Malley

48 “Sometimes you have to be a shark.” -Lucy Fields

49 “Don’t look at me like that. Like I’m damaged goods. I’m still me. I’m still here.” -Adele Webber

50 "More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better." -Meredith Grey

51 "More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better." -Meredith Grey

52 "For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything." -Alex Karev

53 "You can't be an ass to me all day and then expect me to give you respect." - Lexie Grey

54 “Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, when you least expect it, the world gets right again.” -Meredith Grey

55 “Shut up. Dance it out.” -Cristina Yang

56 “We may only be together five minutes every two months, but when we do we will savor every second. We know how valuable those five minutes are.” -Ben Warren

57 “There comes a point when you have to suck it up and stop whining and start living” -Callie Torres

58 “Please don’t give up on me. Promise. Promise me you won’t.” -Arizona Robbins

59 “Bad things happen, but you have to move past it. Leave it behind. The sooner, the better. Or it’ll eat away at you and stop you from moving forward.” -Miranda Bailey

60 “This is the way the world changes. Good people, raising babies right” -Catherine Avery

61 “The problem is we are human. We want more than to just survive. We want to love.” -Lexie Grey

62 "There's a club. The Dead Dads/Moms/Parents Club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss... My dad/mom/parent’s died when I was AGE. NAME, I'm really sorry you had to join the club." -Cristina Yang

63 “I’m going to die because these people aren’t properly trained” -Derek Shepherd

64 “I believe if you were dead, the world would be a better place” -George O’Malley

65 “You think you broke me, NAME? You’re the one who put me back together.” -Mark Sloan

66 “I want so much for you. For both of us. So much more than this. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free.” -Callie Torres

67 “Every kiss before the right kiss doesn’t count anyway” -Derek Shepherd

68 “The expected is what keeps us steady. It’s the unexpected that changes our lives forever.” -Meredith Grey

69 “Promise that you’ll love me, even when you hate me.” -Meredith Grey

70 "The problem is, fairytales don't come true. It's the nightmares that always seem to become the reality." -Meredith Grey

71 “How are you fine? How are you just completely fine? I am ruined, okay? I am dead, I am wrecked." -Cristina Yang

72 “I didn’t like teenage girls when I was a teenage girl.” -Cristina Yang

73 “So you fight. Until you can’t fight anymore.” -Amelia Shepherd

74 “Don’t analyze everything. Just do it.” -Alex Karev

75 “Some lies aren’t lies. They’re love.” -Meredith Grey

76 “That’s where love exists, in delusional fantasies.” -Meredith Grey

77 "Friends are the family we choose." -Meredith Grey

78 "Don't ever date a man who can't handle your power." - Meredith Grey

79 "It’s not hard. It’s painful but it’s not hard. You know what to do already. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be in this much pain." —Miranda Bailey

80 “You’re my heaven. But maybe ... maybe I’m your hell.” — Denny Dequette

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[akira-chaos-suta]

Emperor Time Isn’t Kurapika Becoming A Specialist

This whole post started with me being confused on Kurapika’s hatsu’s and nen type, mainly on the difference between Kurapika’s SPECIALIST abilities and comparing them to born SPECIALISTS. It’s EMPEROR TIME specifically that confused me the most, eventually to the point that I read up more on Nen, Kurapika and other SPECIALISTS, and eventually came to the main discussion topic.

EMPEROR TIME isn’t Kurapika becoming a SPECIALIST, but it is a Hatsu he made and can only use while he is a SPECIALIST.

STEALTH DOLPHIN is a SPECIALIZATION Hatsu and does not need EMPEROR TIME to use.

I’ll have to explain a lot about this so please bear with me:

What is a SPECIALIST/comparing them to the other aura types (misconceptions of NEN)?

SPECIALIZATION as a nen type is defined by concepts outside of the other 5 nen types. Basically their main abilities/hatsu’s would concoct anything except the 5 nen types. Many people seem to think that being a SPECIALIST means that they can use all the nen types to their full capabilities (as if they were born with that nen category). This is most likely because of EMPEROR TIME which has caused a lot of misunderstandings in the fandom because of how it functions, which makes sense, Kurapika was the first (temporary) Specialist they revealed and explained outright. Anyway this is false, SPECIALIZATION still abides by the aura category rules, specifically they have the potential to use SPECIALIZATION up to 100%, MANIPULATION and CONJURATION up to 80%, EMISSION and TRANSMUTATION up to 60% and ENHANCEMENT up to 40%. Another misconception is that people have an automatic mastery of their nen category as well as mastery level of the given percentage of the other nen categories that correlate with your own. You don’t, a person still has to train to work up to your potential in the main nen category, as well as the other nen categories. "There are numerical approximations to indicate just exactly how efficient one would be at using aura abilities that one is not born into. Starting at one's own aura type, one has the potential to be 100% efficient at using abilities based in that category alone." ("Nen and Individuality" Nen, Hunterpedia)

Explaining EMPEROR TIME and why it is a hatsu not Kurapika becoming a SPECIALIST.

Now let's discuss EMPEROR TIME. My main argument is that EMPEROR TIME isn’t Kurapika becoming a SPECIALIST, but it’s a SPECIALIST hatsu with a hefty restriction, that one second using EMPEROR TIME takes away one hour of his life. My main reason for believing this is because of what SPECIALIZATION nen allows and what EMPEROR TIME actually does, recounting from the description and labeling of EMPEROR TIME in Kurpika’s wiki page. It is listed as only SPECIALIZATION ability, (this may not seem important but it will come back to it when we discuss how Kurapika actually becomes one, as it is listed as only SPECIALIZATION.) EMPEROR TIME allows Kurapika to utilize all the nen categories to 100%, but specifically for a CONJUROR. Meaning by activating EMPEROR TIME, Kurapika’s nen categories are automatically mastered in correlation to his CONJURATION status, not SPECIALIZATION. Which means his percentages are the following, 100% in CONJURATION, 80% in SPECIALIZATION and TRANSMUTATION, 60% in MANIPULATION and ENHANCEMENT, and 40% in EMISSION. So unlike other Specialists (and other nen users) Kurapika can automatically master all of his nen as a conjuror with EMPEROR TIME. But that's not all, while EMPEROR TIME can only master his Nen level to that of a CONJUROR, it also allows the force and accuracy of each nen category up to 100%. “This ability allows him to utilize all the types of Nen to 100% efficiency (for a Conjurer*). Kurapika explains this using the terms ``Level", "Force", and "Accuracy": his "Levels'' in the various Nen categories remain the same during Emperor Time, but his "Force" and "Accuracy" for every category are raised to 100%. Thus, if Kurapika's "Level" in Conjuration was 10, his "Level" in Emission (the polar opposite aura type) would remain 4 at the most, but his "Force" and "Accuracy" in any Emission ability would increase from 40% to 100%, making him evenly matched against a Level 4 Emitter.”* ("Abilities and Power" Kurapika, Hunterpedia). Wow what an OP ability, yeah but we know the heavy drawbacks of the ability. Now why would an ability that is said to turn Kurapika into a SPECIALIST be set to the standards and conditions of a CONJUROR? Because it doesn’t turn Kurapika into a SPECIALIST, it's a hatsu that is SPECIALIST in nature/creation that he can only use when he is a SPECIALIST (Scarlet Eyes) to boost his aura/nen abilities as a CONJUROR since 5 out of his 7 are CONJURATION (with 2 of them being couple with others).

How Kurapika actually becomes a SPECIALIST.

From what we’ve seen during one of the first scenes of Kurapika’s nen training, his aura changes (spikes) automatically once his eyes turn Scarlet. In Izunavi’s own words he said “When your eyes turn Scarlet your aura spikes. Could that mean . . . Let’s try water divination again!” Aura/nen spiking to the point that a New teacher wants their student to retake the water divination test again. This makes me theorize that Kurapika can transition into a normal Specialist once his eyes turn Scarlet (as it is a bloodline ability it wouldn’t follow the rules of nen) to which he created the Hatsu: EMPEROR TIME, meaning he can be a normal SPECIALIST (not forever as having his eyes scarlet does take an effect on his physical and mental health.) So if we're following my theory, Kurapika can transition into a normal SPECIALIST automatically once his eyes turn scarlet, from then on he has a choice if he wants to activate EMPEROR TIME.

Discussing all Kurapika’s Hatsu’s and their aura types.

A lot of people might be thinking. Does that mean that Kurapika does not need EMPEROR TIME to activate his other abilities and could just train his Nen categories?

Yes and no. DOWSING CHAIN, CHAIN JAIL and STEAL CHAIN don’t need EMPEROR TIME to work normally, but they are most likely enhanced minimally (DOWSING CHAIN) by EMPEROR TIME. Neither does HOLY CHAIN for small injuries or slow recovery time, but EMPEROR TIME allows Kurapika to heal serious and severe injuries in seconds (I’ll explain why). JUDGEMENT CHAIN specifically states that it needs EMPEROR TIME (I’ll explain why). Let's discuss the rest of Kurapika’s Hatsu’s, specifically why STEALTH DOLPHIN is a SPECIALIZATION hatsu and doesn’t really need EMPEROR TIME.

The DOWSING CHAIN is just a CONJURATION ability and is used for defense and offense. It’s main ability is dowsings, specifically it allows Kurapika to use the chain as a lie detector but only for one person at a time and if he is right in front of them, it’s unlikely that the ability will work efficiently if more then one person is talking. The chain can also be used to look for a missing individual if Kurapika has met them previously, I’m assuming. EMPEROR TIME allows the lie detection to increase in versatility and efficiency to the point that Kurapika can tell if someone is lying through video recording with the only requirement being that he has to have met the person beforehand. This is most likely because EMPEROR TIME would increase Kurapika’s CONJURATION to 100% mastery, thus his DOWSING CHAIN would become more powerful/useful. (which also means Kurapika hasn’t reached 100% in CONJURATION)

CHAIN JAIL is a CONJURATION ability and it is specifically designed/restricted to being only usable towards the members of the Phantom Troupe or the limitation Kurapika put on the ability would kill him. The abilities of the chain are simple, its function is to envelope the members of the Phantom Troupe and force the captee into Zetsu, forcing the prisoners to only be able to break out of the chain with their natural strength, which is impossible for the Phantom Troupe. The ability is very versatile as Kurapika can ensnare someone from a long distance, as seen with Uvogin’s first capture. This is probably the only ability that doesn’t have any need for EMPEROR TIME at all. If it was activated the only thing I can see it adding to is forcing the prisoner into zetsu the moment the chain touches them. Being Kurapika’s most unused ability it is unlikely it will see anymore updates on the 100% CONJURATION until the Phantom Troupe take more then one trip upstairs, for all we know the restriction Kurapika put on the ability has already pushed the ability to be 100% in CONJURATION.

STEAL CHAIN is a CONJURATION ability that allows Kurapika to drain his target's aura (which is said to be extremely painful to them), putting them into a similar state to Zetsu, allowing Kurapika to steal/borrow the targets hatsu. Because of this the target is unable to use their ability until Kurapika gives it back, if the target dies Kurapika can still hold onto the ability, but once Kurapika uses the ability it automatically goes back to the original owner. Similar to CHAIN JAIL, I don’t really know what EMPEROR TIME could do to upgrade this ability. Although I thought about it, other than forcing the target into a zetsu like state faster, EMPEROR TIME would make Kurapika’s CONJURATION to level go up to 100%, allowing him to conjure up collection tubes (where your blood goes into when the doctor draws blood) so that he can keep more then one hatsu/ability with him at a time if he doesn’t want to use the stolen ability at that moment.

HOLY CHAIN is CONJURATION and ENHANCEMENT ability that allows Kurapika to heal wounds and injuries through its ENHANCEMENT category, if the injury is more severe it could take the chain a longer time for his injury to heal. Because EMPEROR TIME levels Kurapika’s ENHANCEMENT to 100%, Kurapika can heal critical and severe injuries within seconds. So it can be assumed Kurapika’s level in ENHANCEMENT is good enough for him to at least heal average injuries, meaning he’s probably done some training in ENHANCEMENT as well. While he doesn’t fully need EMPEROR TIME full time (As Kurapika is pretty skilled and doesn’t get injured that much) the ability is pretty useful for those rare times Kurapika or someone else is heavily injured.

JUDGEMENT CHAIN is a CONJURATION, EMISSION and MANIPULATION ability and unlike his other chains, it is stated on Kurapika’s bio that he needs EMPEROR TIME to use this ability as his affinity and mastery over EMISSION and MANIPULATION is low, or low enough that he can’t use the ability efficiently yet. (IDK the percentage he needs for JUDGEMENT CHAIN) Which also makes sense why Kurapika didn’t realize when his chain around Chrollo was removed. This also makes me wonder if Kurapika even bothered to train with EMISSION and MANIPULATION, or if he decided to focus more on CONJURATION, SPECIALIZATION and ENHANCEMENT?

STEALTH DOLPHIN is a SPECIALIZATION ability that allows Kurapika to summon a Dolphin-like construction that is only visible and audible to himself. STEALTH DOLPHIN has so far been used in conjunction with EMPEROR TIME, the main function is to analyze whatever ability STEAL CHAIN has stolen, informing Kurapika of the abilities name, function and conditions, STEALTH DOLPHIN can also hold onto a stolen ability that Kurapika doesn’t need/want to use at the moment. Kurapika can then use the ability on himself or loan the ability to someone else by stabbing/pricking them with STEAL CHAIN, if that person is a non-nen user it will cause them to have their aura nodes open up. If Kurapika loans an ability to someone else, a listening device will appear on their ear allowing them to see and communicate with STEALTH DOLPHIN, who will then counsel them on the newly acquired ability. The ability that is loaned by STEAL CHAIN is fueled by the aura of the original owner. No matter who has ability equipped, the stolen ability can only be used once and then it’s returned to their owner.

If Kurapika equips the dolphin with a stolen ability, then he is able to use STEAL CHAIN again, but even if he transfers the second stolen ability he won’t be allowed out of EMPEROR TIME until all the stolen abilities have been used, thus EMPEROR TIME will remains active until all the stolen abilities are returned. Because STEAL CHAIN has so far been used in conjunction with EMPEROR TIME, I think the ability means to say that if Kurapika steals abilities and transfers them to STEALTH DOLPHIN then he’d eventually have to use those abilities or else STEALTH DOLPHIN won’t deactivate as it is technically still in use. During this time, the dolphin will regularly notify Kurapika how long EMPEROR TIME has been active if it is activated, Kurapika can make the dolphin disappear if it is put on standby. If Kurapika faints from EMPEROR TIME overuse than anyone else that is using an ability loaned to them by him will pass out as well. If we were to use my theory on Kurapika being able to be a SPECIALIST without EMPEROR TIME, then many would want to know why Kurapika activated it in the first place.

Other than EMPEROR TIME, STEALTH DOLPHIN is Kurapika’s only other SPECIALIZATION ability, the main reason that EMPEROR TIME is so powerful is because Kurapika put a heavy restriction on it, just like CHAIN JAIL. Well as I discussed previously about EMPEROR TIME’s actual abilities relating to a CONJURER nen percentage mastery. Then you know that Kurapika can only master up to level 8 of SPECIALIZATION, but we don’t know what level he is at right now, EMPEROR TIME would increase the Force and Accuracy to 100%. Therefore it would make sense for Kurapika to activate EMPEROR TIME to allow him 100% efficiency in using STEALTH DOLPHIN. You have to evaluate the situation that Kurapika has found himself in as well. He’s posted to take a position on as a bodyguard on the Black Whale that is literally goes in to a continent that is full of the darkest and unidentified creatures, he has Beyond Neterou to worry about, add into the fact he’s trying to figure out how to take the last of the Scarlet eyes from Tserriednich. It’s revealed that the voyage was a ploy for the King of Kakin to declare a succession war that includes the heirs killing each other and Kurapika is one of the two bodyguards left for the most vulnerable prince, 2 of which have already been murdered, and he’s had previous bodyguards betray and spy on him as well. He then manipulates the whole war to a stalemate by revealing nen, teaching Oito nen and then putting his life on the line by opening nen lessons to all the Prince’s guards of choice. The point is Kurapika is stressed, anxious and nervous, he doesn’t know if his baseline abilities will be enough to keep Oito and Wobble safe, so in his eyes it's best to go 100% at the moment.

Comment your thoughts on my theory and if you think I have a point or if you think I'm nuts! LOL

Here's a link to another doc where I was writing all my thoughts out of order. - Rough Copy

Nen | Hunterpedia | Fandom

Kurapika | Hunterpedia | Fandom

Explaining Kurapika's Nen Abilities (Emperor Time + Different Chains) | Hunter X Hunter Explained

[alwayschoppedtaco]

60 Dialogue Prompts

If you want me to write something using these prompts, just send me the number and the character/person you want it to be written about!

1. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!" "And I'm trying to subtly avoid it!"

2. "Did you get my note?" "Of course I got your note, you taped it to my forehead when i was sleeping."

3. "Do you believe in love at first sight?" "No but i do believe in hating people who do."

4. "Well someone thought it would be a good idea to throw our back up plan of the bridge." "It was on FIRE!"

5. "Can you hit me with your knife?" "I do believe the technical term is 'stab'!"

6. "I'm not a thief I'm just really good at acquiring things that aren't mine."

7. "Your not my favorite person today!" "I'm not your favorite person ever!" 

8. "Security, schmecurity. I want to see what is behind that door!"

9. "I feel life I'm getting stabbed." "How do you even know what getting stabbed feels like?"

10. "If we die here, I'm  going to follow you around in the afterlife, reminding you it's your fault we died."

11. "I assume I deserve this, but could you tell me why you want to kill me?"

12. "On a scale of 1-10 how bad do you think it would be if I-" "At least a twenty."

13. "None of you got date?!"

14. "You would be surprised at how much you can screw up in twenty-four hours, all it takes is a little motivation and a hammer."

15. "I regret a lot of things, but this conversation makes the top of the list."

16. "What happened to me last night?" "You thought you developed magic powers and could talk to squirrels." "Kind of glad I don't remember any of that." "Don't worry I got it all on video."

17. "Sorry, I spout out random facts when I'm nervous."

18. "Anger makes you stupid, and stupid gets you killed."

19. "If you don't apologize, I'm going to tell mom." "Please I'm an adult, i can do what I want." "Okay, MOM!" "No, wait! I'm sorry!"

20. "Are you clinically insane or just really annoying?" "I don't know, probably both."

21. "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not her!"

22. "Right now I don't know if I want to kiss you or push you of a bridge." "Can I pick?"

23. "I had an idea!" "Oh God..." "I swear it's a good one this time."

24."You say 'potato' I say 'damn it, put the gun down'!"

25. "You're a dragon tamer, and your scared of spiders?"

26. “I have something to tell you.”  “Oooh~ Are you about to profess your undying love for me?” “Yes, I am.” “.....What?”

27. "It’s nice to be wanted, you know?" "Not by the law!"

28. “Can you stop making jokes for one fucking minute?” “The other option is I cry and face my feelings, so no.”

29. “I’m sorry, you dropped this!” “Dropped what?” “Your common sense, you moron, what the hell are you thinking?”

30. “...What the fuck is that?” “A cat.” “That is clearly a dragon wearing a cat ear headband.” “No it’s not, it’s a cat.” “That breathes fire?” “.....It’s a very rare breed.”

31. “Your concerns have been noted, but not entertained.”

32.  “How are you not fucking terrified right now?” “Compared to the family get-togethers I’m forced to attend twice a year, this is actually rather tame.” 

33.  “What? No witty one-liners today?” “I haven’t slept in, like, thirty-six hours so words aren’t very good for me right now.”

34.  “Well, there goes the fucking plan.”  “Wait, we had a plan?”

35.  “You love him!” “Yes, I know.” “Then why don’t you just confess already?!”  “Because he’d brag about me being the first one to confess for the rest of our lives. That bitch is gonna confess to me first!”

36.  “I can’t even begin to explain what I’d do for you. How far I’d go. How many lines I’d cross without a second thought, if you asked me to.”

37.  “By the way, I’m sorry.” “Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything?” “It’s a preemptive apology. I can guarantee it’ll come in handy later.”

38.  “....You think they’ll notice?” “I think they’d be fucking stupid not to.”

39.  “Hey, um, quick question. When the hell were you going to tell me you have your archnemesis kidnapped and locked up in the bathroom?”  “Oh, yeah. That’s right! They broke in right before I had to go to work, and things were so crazy there I nearly forgot. Sorry about that!”

40. "Yeah, I'll probably die alone." " I asked if you were dining alone." " Oh, that too."

41.  “.....Well this is awkward.”  “To be fair, you look like a completely different person when you’re wearing civilian clothes.” “I mean, that’s kinda the whole point of a secret identity.”

42. “Cocoa for your troubles?”  “I was thinking a couple of shots would be more like it.” “Well, you see, I already made the cocoa, so...”

43.  “Wait, are you crying? Oh no, oh, please don’t cry! I didn’t mean to...I’m sorry, I was trying to make you laugh...”

44. “Hey, do you know if potions expire?” “I think it depends on the potion. Why?” “Well, I was really hungover this morning and grabbed the wrong glass and I feel super weird right now.”

45. “That’s twice that you’ve killed me now. Shall we go for round three?”

46. “You don’t understand. I had to! I was -- ” “If you dare say you were just trying to protect me, I’m going to break your jaw.”

47. “The text said you brought in one stray cat! A singular cat!” “Did I? Must’ve been a typo. I found this whole box and I couldn’t just leave them there! Besides, what’s wrong with four little kittens anyway?”

48. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you, right?” “....” “Right...? W-Why won’t you answer me?”

49.  “How good of a mood are you in right now?” “.....What did you do?”

50. " I wish you could block people in real life" " Restraining order" " Murder."

51.  "You trust this man?" " I absolutely trust him." " He’s not some kind of mad man then?" "I absolutely trust him"

52. "What did you do?!" "I did my bestpacito..." "Get the fuck out of my car."

53. "One of these days i'm going to murder you!" "Well that's not very comforting."

54. “Yeah all I learned was how to say ‘sorry I broke that’ in twelve different languages.”

55. "I always wanted a pet!" "You realize we can't keep this, right?" "Why not? It's cute!" "It's a dragon!"

56. "I know your secret!" "Your going to have to be more specific, there bud. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet."

57. "Where is your shoe?" "The giant mud puddle down the road demanded a sacrifice."

58. "Be careful who you trust, salt and sugar look the same."

59. "Surprise! I'm back from the dead! Isn't that exciting?!"

60. "Go to hell!" "And leave you here all alone?"

[lochrannn]

Warnings: Sexual Content (M Rating)

Characters: Lila Pitts; Diego Hargreeves; Allison Hargreeves; Klaus Hargreeves; Hargreeves Siblings (background)

Relationship: Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves

Roommates AU; Fake Marriage; Slow Burn; Mutual Pining; Emotional H/C

Chapter 5/?

-

They meet at city hall just after midday.

Lila worked a half day shift and Diego had already been out of the flat when she got up. She doesn’t know where he’d gone, but now he’s strolling down the pavement to where she’s waiting for him outside the building with a thick folder under his arm.

“Shit, how many documents did you bring? I thought all they needed was a passport and birth certificate? Did I forget something?” Lila asks hurriedly, already rummaging through her tote bag, half hoping she’ll unearth some missing documents that she accidentally packed in without realising it.

“Huh?” asks Diego as he stops in front of her, “Oh no, I brought some work, I kinda assume we’re going to be in there a while.”

Lila looks up at him in annoyance but the angry complaint about how he didn’t warn her and therefore she didn’t bring anything to keep herself busy dies on her tongue as she realises, she’s never really seen Diego out and about before. But here he is, looking confident and like he belongs, in a way she doesn’t really, with his brown skin, dark hair, mahogany coloured bomber jacket, and black pants all warm and earthy, creating a complete contrast to the gray cityscape and sky.

Taken aback by how quickly her anger melts away, and not quite sure why, Lila just turns towards the steps of the building in a huff of mild embarrassment for how irrational she’s being.

Inside, Diego takes a number and sits down on one of the uncomfortable looking wooden benches at the back of the waiting area, and after giving the space and the smattering of people in it a cursory look, Lila decides that there clearly isn’t a better alternative, so she settles in next to him.

For a little while, she tries not to let the boredom get to her, but it’s quite hard, especially considering that she also doesn’t want to let her mind wander to what she and Diego are about to do. It’s not like Lila’s trying to repress the idea that she’s taking the necessary steps to get married to him very soon, it’s just that she’s very strenuously avoiding actually thinking about it too hard. She’s not too sure why this is the balance she has decided to strike and can apparently live with, but knowing her and Diego will be married, in those words, that’s okay. Thinking about what that entails and what it means, instantly makes her heart rate spike in so many different and indescribable ways, that she’d rather not touch that thought.

So she starts nibbling on her nails. But very quickly she has a niggling memory of her mother chastising her, grabbing her wrist firmly and saying, Stop that, you’ll end up looking like some trailer park hussie!

Irritated she pulls her finger out from between her teeth and folds her hands in her lap and starts bouncing her knee instead.

After a little while she notices that Diego who, she registered out of the corner of her eyes, was leafing through his file, has gone still beside her. She turns to look at what's up and is startled by the way he’s watching her intently. For a moment his eyes bore into hers and they are so close that shadows of memories of Diego leaning in to kiss her lips, her neck, and all the way down her body right after looking at her like that play out before her mind's eye, but then he says something and Lila feels completely foolish when she has to say, “Sorry?” in a small voice to get him to repeat what he said.

“I asked if you’re nervous,” Diego says in a very gentle voice, one, she presumes, he would probably use if he were dealing with a skittish animal.

Lila feels like this situation can’t get any worse, but just as she’s pulled herself together and is about to scoff at him, Diego goes on in a very serious tone, “Lila, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to! And if you’re worried about taking back the money, don’t be! I’m not cashing that cheque till you get your visa, okay? You don’t owe me anything.”

This is just too much, so Lila shakes her head, mostly so she can close her eyes and doesn’t have to look at how sincere he’s being, or at the deep, brown softness of his eyes, and says, “I’m not nervous, Diego, I’m just fucking bored!”

“Oh… uh… right,” Diego answers a bit sheepishly and now Lila feels guilty for apparently making him feel awkward. So again she’s just about to speak, tell him, she appreciates his concern all the same, when Diego gets there faster than her once more and flips open his file again while saying, “Uh... if you want... but you really don’t have to, just it might keep you occupied—” he cuts himself off when she levels a raised eyebrow at him, expectantly, “You can help me look through these files,” he finally finishes, holding roughly half the stack of papers that he was going through out to her.

They are searching for a name. It’s barely any less boring than sitting around doing nothing. It’s just a seemingly endless list of unalphabetised names with addresses, a copy of a magazine subscriber list from the 60s. Diego’s apparently helping some genealogist with a project and though he agrees with her that it’s a bit tedious, he also argues that he is apparently being paid very good money.

For a long while they just sit in bored, if oddly comfortable silence, while searching through the names until Lila breaks the stillness, “I got him!”

She’s weirdly excited as she leans over to Diego with her page, finger just under the name Carl Cooper written in slightly faded typewriter letters.

“Show me?” Diego says reaching for the page but not pulling it out of Lila’s grip, they’re hands brushing as he tries to take a closer look at the corresponding address and Lila is suddenly very aware of the warmth radiating off of his body as he leans in so very close to her. She thinks she can even smell his soap.

“That’s our guy!” Diego says delightedly, picking up the biro he’d clipped to his folder and circling the name before taking the piece of paper gently out of her hand and smiling at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling distractingly. “Thanks!” he says with genuine gratitude.

“Yeah, whatever,” Lila grumbles, but she’s not able to hide the smile in her own voice, so to gloss over it, she asks instead, “Is your work always this boring?”

She almost regrets asking him instantly, because only the other night she got to see what it’s like when it’s less boring, but Diego leans his head back against the wall and his expression turns contemplative.

“Well, no… I mean, I guess, some parts are this boring. A lot of looking through files or going on stakeouts in my car. This one, yeah, this was tedious, but usually this kind of work is all part of the bigger puzzle I’m trying to solve. And then, when I get to find the people I’m looking for, it makes it all worth it, you know? Sometimes that’s loved ones who got separated somehow. Totally worth a couple of hours slogging through some files.”

He’s looking down at her, head still tilted against the wall behind them and Lila finds she can’t look away but also hasn’t got anything to say about what he’s telling her. She never took any interest in what a detective does, wasn’t even really ever into cop or detective shows, but somehow, the way Diego tells it, it’s quite fascinating.

“I’ve got a knack for finding asshole dads who are trying to get out of paying alimony as well. Definitely less noble work, but also necessary, if you ask me. And those often end up being the least boring of my cases,” Diego goes on and Lila wonders whether he’s just trying to keep her entertained now that they have no more files to search through. “ ‘s how I got this,” he says, pointing a finger up towards the scar in his eyebrow.

“Oh yeah?” Lila asks, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible about it.

She’s been massively intrigued by all of his scars, but at no point has she felt in a position to ask. Afterall, what if there’s a really traumatic story behind them. But he has a bunch of them. There’s the one in his brow and another behind his left ear. One on the top of his left arm, and one more on his right hip. Lila quickly stops thinking about that one and why she could trace it exactly on a piece of paper if she were given something to draw with, and also doesn’t think too hard about the long scar that reaches from his cheek all the way along the side of his head above his ear. Lila is genuinely a bit wary of what the story might be behind that one.

But she quickly draws her thoughts back to the present and the fact that Diego seems happy to tell her about the scar in his brow and so she asks, “What happened?”

“Asshole father who didn’t want to pay his alimony,” Diego offers with a light chuckle and a shrug, “Fucker faked his own death and then when I found him, I’d barely said a word before he smashed a bottle in my face. Apparently I was lucky I didn’t lose an eye.”

Lila hisses in sympathy at the image.

“Guess we’ll have to talk a bit more about shit like that before our interview with immigration,” Diego says casually and Lila looks at him quizzically as she’s not quite sure what he’s talking about. “Interview?” she asks.

“Yeah, we’ll have to do an interview to prove that this is not just a sham wedding,” he starts explaining, brows drawn together, then his eyes drift off to the side, “Lila, did you not know that they’re gonna want to see proof we’re, like, actually married? … Shit! Our numbers up! Come on, let's go!”

Diego touches her elbow gently and Lila follows him in a bit of a daze, not to one of the windows that are situated all along the long hall that they walk down, but to a small office that they are ushered into by an equally small man, who asks them to sit in the two chairs opposite his desk.

The next fifteen minutes during which they go through all of the proceedings of applying for a marriage license do nothing to settle her nerves, because again she’s getting to see another completely new side to Diego. She guesses this is what he’s like when he’s really on the job and considering how good he is, she misses half a minute of conversation wondering why his business is failing.

He’s commanding, not letting anything slide, but he’s endlessly cool and charming all the same. And for a second Lila is concerned it’s just the fact that she’s slept with him and maybe in this moment would like to sleep with him again that’s making her see him in this way, but she notices that the clerk they’re dealing with seems at least as flustered and is hanging off every word Diego says as much as Lila.

At one point she almost jumps when he confidently takes her hand out of her lap, laces their fingers together, and says, “We were planning on getting married next year but circumstances have changed and my girlfriend can’t continue her degree, so now her visa’s running out and we discussed it and decided to pull the wedding forward, we didn’t want to end up getting separated by this!”

The clerk nods understandingly and Lila could kick herself for not having put even a fraction of the amount of thought into their plan as Diego seems to have. It’s brilliant. This explanation for why they need a license now is believable but also contains enough of the truth that they have very little to prove at this point, except for the fact that they are, indeed, in a relationship.

At that thought, Lila’s heart skips a beat and her focus zeros in on their joined hands for a moment.

When they are walking down the steps after all the application forms have been sorted, Diego offers to give her a lift home, but Lila makes up an engagement with a friend on the spot and quickly heads away in the direction of the bus stop. She needs some time to clear her head after that whole experience.

-

Diego gets into his car, lets out a very long breath, and then tips forward, pressing his forehead against the steering wheel in frustrated exhaustion.

How can hanging out with one person be both something that is so enjoyable and so painful at the same time?

Lila was fun and sparkly as ever, but she also helped him out, took an interest in his job. And even if that was mostly out of politeness, she asked all the right questions and listened so attentively. And, god, her beautiful, lively face is so distracting, he hardly knew where to look.

Diego’s certain now that he is royally screwed. He’s done a lot of dumb shit in his life, but this takes the cake. Spending time with Lila is so fucking close to the real deal and within the next couple of weeks they will be married, and he thinks, maybe a bit overdramatically, this’ll probably be the death of him.

He sits back up straight, turns the key in the ignition, and moves his car into traffic.

But he can’t back out now, they’ve actually put their plan in motion, and Lila is relying on him to get it together, so the very last thing he wants to do is let her down. Even if it kills him, he mentally adds with a wry smile.

[tigerkirby215]

5e LeBlanc, the Deceiver build (League of Legends)

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)

Fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose fuck the Rose...

My Rell main side is screaming “Fuck the Rose” on repeat but someone on r/WhatWouldYouBuild made a thread about LeBlanc and I’m actually pretty proud of the response I gave them. It was a fun build to theorycraft and I want to share my work, even if I have no real interest in LeBlanc as a champion. Though granted while I was writing this build LeBlanc was revealed in Legends of Runeterra, which is interesting in its own right.

But maybe I’m lying to you? Maybe I’m actually a Mastery 7 LeBlanc one-trick who’s going to min-max the shit out of this build? I mean probably not, as I have stated several times that I main both Kayn and Yuumi. But I might be?

GOALS

It's all smoke and mirrors - One midlaner is already one too many. Two midlaners? Now that’s just crazy talk!

Classic misdirection - How can you hit an enemy when you don’t even know where they are? If you’re everywhere at once you can be sure that no one will stop you.

Watch closely - If you pull back the curtain you can make all sorts of magic tricks. Sometimes you can even do them twice!

RACE

Want some innate magic to spy on people and be everywhere at once? Well a good man named Van Richten may have exactly what you need from the land of Ravenloft. There’s plenty of spooky UA going around and the Hexblood can do more than just parlor tricks! As a Hexblood you get a +2 to an ability score of your choice (increase your Charisma to manipulate people) and +1 to another ability score (Dexterity will help you dodge skill shots while wearing fine clothes.) You can also choose your size (you’re a Medium “human” duh) and learn a language of your choice. (Pick your fancy.)

As a Hexblood you get Darkvision of 60 feet and Fey Resilience so the charmer can’t be charmed. You also get both Hex and Disguise Self added to your spell list, and can cast each one of these spells once for free thanks to Hex Magic.

But of course what we’re really here for it the ability to give people a Magic Token to spy on them. As an action you can create a Magic Token (it says you have to take your teeth out but personally I’d reflavor it as giving them a black rose.) If another creature is holding the token you can use an action to send a telepathic message to the creature, as long as you’re on the same plane of existence and are within 10 miles of it. The message can contain up to twenty-five words. (So it’s basically Sending.)

In addition, while you are within 10 miles of the token, you can use an action to enter a trance for 1 minute, during which you can see and hear from the token as if you were located where it is. While you are using your senses at the token’s location, you are blinded and deafened in regard to your own surroundings. Afterward, the token is harmlessly destroyed. You can only make one token per long rest. It’s not clear if the old token disappears when you make a new one so discuss that with your DM.

IF HEXBLOOD ISN’T AN OPTION: A Changeling would also work well for LeBlanc, and give you more trickery and utility with the ability to Disguise Self at will. If all else fails a Variant Human with either the Eldritch Adept (take Mask of Many Faces as your Eldritch Invocation) or Fey Touched feat also works.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - To lie and deceive you need a face that anyone could trust. Perhaps many faces?

14; WISDOM - To know how to manipulate people you need to understand them first. Wouldn’t want anyone lying to you, now.

13; DEXTERITY - Your outfit isn’t exactly heavy armor. (But if you want you can wear Medium armor!)

12; INTELLIGENCE - You’re technically ancient. Knowing how to control a nation in secret takes some tactics.

10; CONSTITUTION - You’re a squishy mid-lane mage.

8; STRENGTH - You’re a squishy mid-lane mage.

Feel free to swap Wisdom and Constitution if you want more health but worse roleplay.

BACKGROUND

Always remember that no power is built without someone pulling the strings. The Courtier background from the Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide gives you proficiency in Persuasion but since we can get Insight from elsehwere take Deception proficiency instead. You also get proficiency with two languages to deceive anyone you please.

Your background feature Court Functionary makes it easy for your way to weave yourself into the system. The background flat out says “You know who the movers and shakers are, whom to go to for the favors you seek, and what the current intrigues of interest in the group are.” Which is pretty much perfect for LeBlanc.

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - FIGHTER 1

Here’s a shocker eh? Put simply Constitution saving throws are nice. So is proficiency in Insight (told you we’d be getting it elsewhere) and Acrobatics.

Fighters of course get a Fighting Style but believe it or not LeBlanc isn’t going to be swinging a sword around much, so grab Defense to be just a little sturdier. While your early levels may be weak you do at least have Second Wind for a bit of lane sustain.

LEVEL 2 - BARD 1

Time for the real meat and potatoes; masters of Charisma it’s time for Bard! Bards get proficiency in a skill of their choice at level 1 and you know what would probably be useful for a mage? Arcana proficiency.

You also get proficiency with a musical instrument to cast your spells: pick your fancy and see if your DM will let you use a staff instead.

You can also help those who are important to you with Bardic Inspiration, letting you give your allies a d6 to add to an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. Manipulate important people from the shadows.

But of course the main appeal of the Bard class is access to Spellcasting. For your cantrips Friends is good to make friends you don’t mind losing, and Vicious Mockery will let you whisper dark secrets to weaken your foes. For leveled spells Detect Magic will help you know if there’s any secrets others are keeping from you, Dissonant Whispers will let your enemies know that you know their deepest fears, Sleep will help you get away, and Illusionary Script is a fun non-combat spell I get to recommend since LeBlanc isn’t all about fighting.

LEVEL 3 - BARD 2

Second level Bards get Jack of All Trades, letting them do a little bit of everything. They also get Song of Rest to pretend to help during a Short Rest, giving allies an extra d6 to heal with.

You can also learn another spell from the Bard list like Identify to know what you’re getting into.

LEVEL 4 - BARD 3

Third level Bards get to choose their Bardic College, and there are whispers in Noxus about an organization that’s trying to overthrow the nation from the shadows. That organization forming their very own College of Whispers! As a Whispers Bard you can instill Words of Terror into someone. If you speak to a humanoid alone for at least 1 minute, you can force them to make a Wisdom saving throw at the end of the conversation. If they fail they’re frightened of you or another creature of your choice for 1 hour, unless it is attacked or damaged, or until it witnesses its allies being attacked or damaged. If the target succeeds on its saving throw, the target has no hint that you tried to frighten it, and you can only use this feature once per short or long rest.

You can also instead form your Bardic Inspiration into Psychic Blades. When you hit a creature with a weapon attack you can spend a Bardic Inspiration die to deal 2d6 extra Psychic Damage. I’d recommend carrying a Rapier around to spike anyone who gets close to you with Psychic Damage.

You also get Expertise in two of your skills, and naturally we’ll become masters of Persuasion and Deception. And to top it of you can learn a second level spell like Mirror Image, which was added to the Bard spell list thanks to Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything!

LEVEL 5 - BARD 4

4th level Bards get the first Ability Score Improvement of the build: Fey Touched will let you increase your Charisma by 1 and also gives you the Misty Step spell and a first level spell from the Enchantment or Divination school. Command will let you further force your foes to do as you please. You can cast each of these spells once for free per Long Rest, and they’re added to your spell list to cast with spell slots!

Speaking of spells you can one more leveled spell, and one more cantrip! Message will let you stick to team chat (and will also let you whisper to those who aren’t your teammates), and Suggestion will let you manipulate foes in the middle of battle!

LEVEL 6 - BARD 5

5th level Bards see their Bardic Inspiration increase to a d8, which also increases your Psychic Blades to 3d6. That’s good because Font of Inspiration makes your Bardic Inspiration come back on a Short Rest, instead of a Long Rest!

You can also learn a third level spell but unfortunately we’re still chained to second level, taking Hold Person for LeBlanc’s like Ethereal Chains.

(Artwork made for Legends of Runeterra by Riot Games.)

LEVEL 7 - FIGHTER 2

Back to Fighterman to get the abilities we actually want: Action Surge will let you Mimic a spell and cast twice in a round. Be sure to talk to your DM if they will allow Action Surge to allow two leveled spells to be cast in a turn with Action Surge.

LEVEL 8 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and man wouldn’t it be cool if there was a Fighter that could create illusions of themselves and teleport to them? The Echo Knight from Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount enables a lot of weird builds, doesn’t it? Regardless there’s a bunch of bullet points to know about your illusions:

Your illusion has AC 14 + your proficiency bonus, 1 hit point, and immunity to all conditions. If it has to make a saving throw, it uses your saving throw bonus for the roll.

On your turn, you can command the illusion to move up to 30 feet in any direction (no action required). If your illusion is ever more than 30 feet from you at the end of your turn, it is destroyed.

As a bonus action, you can teleport, magically swapping places with your illusion at a cost of 15 feet of your movement, regardless of the distance between the two of you.

When you take the Attack action on your turn, any attack you make with that action can originate from your space or the illusion’s space. You make this choice for each attack.

When a creature that you can see within 5 feet of your illusion moves at least 5 feet away from it, you can use your reaction to make an opportunity attack against that creature as if you were in the illusion’s space.

Tl;dr you can swap places with your illusion, and you can use it to bonk but not to cast spells. You can also Unleash Incarnation for an extra attack from your illusion’s position a number of times equal to your Constitution modifier, but if you can’t tell we won’t be using that much.

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 1

What if I told you there was a secret organization forcing me to put Warlock levels in all my builds? It would be a lie, but I fooled you for a moment didn’t I? Regardless Warlocks are unique because they get to choose their patron at level 1, and man wouldn’t it be weird if the being of manipulation and darkness was influenced by a god? The Celestial patron gets two Bonus Cantrips at level 1: Sacred Flame and Light, just in case you need to pretend that you’re the good guy.

You also get a pool of Healing Light die equal to 1 plus your Warlock Level. You can use a Bonus Action to expend a number of those die equal to your Charisma modifier (which FYI basically means that you can use all the die however you please) on a creature you can see within 60 feet. (FYI: you can see yourself.) Each die is a d6, and the creature gets to heal for whatever you roll on said d6s.

But what we’re really here for is Pact Magic. You learn two cantrips from the Bard list: Booming Blade will let you put a little more thunder into your weapon if you choose to try to make use of Psychic Blades, and Eldritch Blast is Eldritch Blast which will let you blast while you eldritch.

The main reason for the Celestial Patron is Guiding Bolt, which will serve as Sigil of Malice. You can also grab Charm Person to make friends that you want to keep.

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get Eldritch Invocations and Agonizing Blast will let you agonize your blasts to be extra agonizing. I mean seriously you should’ve expected this. Beyond that Eldritch Mind will help you keep up your rouse in the heat of battle, but feel free to pick any other invocation that you fancy.

You do learn another spell and I mean... Comprehend Languages might be helpful to manipulate Shurimans?

(Artwork by Choe HeonHwa. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 11 - BARD 6

Hey how about we get that ability to be whoever we want? When a humanoid dies within 30 feet of a Whispers Bard they can use Mantle of Whispers to capture their shadow and use it as a disguise. You can use your action to assume the disguise, which lasts for 1 hour. While you’re disguised, you know all information that the humanoid would freely share with a casual acquaintance. You also have a +5 to Deception checks while in the disguise. You can only capture one disguise per short rest, and all your disguises disappear after a long rest.

You can also learn another third level spell like Enemies Abound, instilling paranoia in a target so they can’t tell friend from foe. And when you think everyone’s an enemy, who do you fight?

Oh and you get Countercharm to help those around you against the fear of the Black Rose. Can’t have your puppets distracted.

LEVEL 12 - BARD 7

7th level Bards can learn 4th level spells like Dimension Door to be everywhere and nowhere at once.

LEVEL 13 - BARD 8

8th level Bards get another Ability Score Improvement and yeah we already got a half feat, but how about another one? The Actor feat will help you fool anyone who doubts you.

You can also learn another 4th level spell like Confusion, to leave a whole room guessing as to where you’re hiding.

(Artwork by Sangsoo Jeong. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 14 - BARD 9

9th level Bards see their Song of Rest increase to a d8 so they can keep young and beautiful. You can also now learn 5th level spells like Mislead for a double that acts while you’re nowhere to be seen.

LEVEL 15 - BARD 10

10th level Bards see their Bardic Inspiration increase to a d10, which also increases the damage of Psychic Blades to 5d6. They also get Expertise in two skills like Arcana and Insight, to know all about people and the magic they might posses.

But of course the main appeal of the Bard class is their Magical Secrets... shame there honestly aren’t that many I particularly want. Hold Monster will be a good way to chain up any monster champion that Riot might be planning to release, and Destructive Wave can cause quite the distortion in the area you’re at before you teleport away.

You can also learn another cantrip like Prestidigitation, for the more simple magics you’ve been lacking until now.

LEVEL 16 - BARD 11

11th level Bards can learn 6th level spells like Programmed Illusion for a clone that walks like you walk, talks like you talk, and may or may not disintegrate into chalk.

LEVEL 17 - BARD 12

12th level Bards get another Ability Score Improvement. Time to max out that Charisma and truly get into people’s heads. Telepathic lets you increase your Charisma by 1 and also speak telepathically, so you can keep in team chat at all times. But most importantly you learn the Detect Thoughts spell, and can cast it once without a spell slot.

You don’t get any Bard spells but feel free to replace Message with something like Mage Hand, seeing as you basically have Message permanently on.

(Artwork by Sperasoft Studios. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 18 - BARD 13

13th level Bards can keep the greatest illusion up: the one that Song of Rest being a d10 somehow makes the ability more useful.

You can at least learn 7th level spells, and to keep the Grand General off your tail Symbol is the perfect trap. The spell has a bunch of deadly effects that you can set up so I recommend reading the full spell over to see what it does.

LEVEL 19 - BARD 14

14th level Whispers Bards know all your secrets. As an action, you whisper a phrase of Shadow Lore that only one creature of your choice within 30 feet of you can hear. The target must make a Wisdom saving throw, though it automatically succeeds if it doesn’t share a language with you or if it can’t hear you. On a successful saving throw, your whisper sounds like unintelligible mumbling and has no effect.

On a failed saving throw however the target is “charmed” by you for the next 8 hours or until you or your allies perform an aggressive action against it. It interprets the whispers as a description of its most mortifying secret; while you gain no knowledge of this secret, the target is convinced you know it. The “charmed” creature obeys your commands for fear that you will reveal its secret. It won’t risk its life for you or fight for you, unless it was already inclined to do so. They will grant you favors and gifts as if you were a close friend.

When the effect ends, the creature has no understanding of why it held you in such fear. You can only use this feature once per Long Rest.

You also get two more Magical Secrets, but honestly I want spells from the Bard list more. So take Etherealness and Forcecage for tricks to keep anyone at bay and enter anywhere you please. But of course feel free to take spells you personally enjoy, as I don’t control you. Yet~

LEVEL 20 - BARD 15

15th level Bards see their Bardic Inspiration increase to their max of a d12, which also means that your Psychic Blades feature increases to 8d6.

You can also learn an 8th level spell, and there’s a lot of great 8th level spells on the Bard list. But Antipathy / Sympathy (thanks Tasha’s!) is a great way to get who you want where you want them. Pick a creature type: if you make them apathetic, they will feel an intense desire to leave if they get close. Alternatively if they’re sympathetic they’ll want to come stay. This effect lasts 10 days, so it can be a great way to get all the right people in the right place 

FINAL BUILD

PROS

For my next trick I'll make their life bar disappear - Even if a good majority of your spells are based off tricks and deception you’re still extremely deadly to face. You have nearly full caster levels which means many deadly tricks to cut through entire armies.

For a moment I thought I'd broken a sweat - So it turns out that a few levels in Fighter go a long way. Medium Armor is more than enough to keep yourself safe, and in combination with the Defense fighting style and a shield you’re actually surprisingly tough to hit. Add in all the mobility provided by both your magic and your echoes and you can be out of sight before they even have a chance to attack you.

Would I lie? - You are a master of getting people to do what you want. +17 to Persuasion and Deception, tons of spells to make lying easier, and of course your Whispers Bard and Hexblood features to turn anyone into a new set of eyes and ears

CONS

Lying is, like, ninety five percent of what I do - A few too many feats means you’ve got pretty much nothing in any stat other than Charisma. A pretty face and Jack of All Trades only gets you so far, and it would probably be good if you could actually back up some of the things that you’re saying.

Patience, summoner - Speaking of stats: dumping Constitution is never good, and while it’s not necessarily “dumped” it’s still rather low. You’ll likely have around 100 health by level 20 which isn’t much for Power Word Kill. Just saying a Zhonya's Hourglass (or preferably an Amulet of Health) would definitely be a good pickup.

Right where I want them - Whispers Bard has some great abilities but the level 3 ability expects you to hit people with a weapon, which you really aren’t good at. I could suggest alternatives like getting the Shillelagh cantrip (either as a Bard Magical Secret or from the Warlock class by taking an extra Warlock level and the Pact of the Tome) but truthfully I’d much rather play LeBlanc as either a Eloquence or Lore Bard. Hell possibly even a Glamour Bard if you swing that way. Whispers Bards are great at the political side of things but if you want a more combative midlaner a different Bard might be better.

But the one pulling the strings should ideally never be in the fight to begin with. Leave your enemies either guessing or dead. Manipulate a nation and prepare them all for the horrors that would destroy them if they knew the truth. At least two of which you caused in some way: look, nobody’s perfect.

(Artwork by Francis Tneh and West Studios. Made for Riot Games.)