#4 Triggers for Bipolar Disorder

[schwarzeneggr]

slowly voicing my concerns abt being handicapped and iv been treated with nothing but understanding. Everyone keeps tellin me to get on benefits lol cause we are SO lucky to have social security and access to meds and such its just... I already have a handicapped status which I am ashamed of. Anything further paperwork wise is just a valid on INK confirmation that the me from less than 5 years old is dead. That in 5 years I have become. a fucking handicapped bitch !!! Thats litteraly what I am. There are things about me that are wrong. And I have to make do. Great. Fucking great. I used to dream about matching my peers and becoming a wonderful animation student and then master. And I'm learning that my dreams were in vain. That I had no chance to follow up in the first place. That their improvements are constant and exponential but mine take 5x more time. And the worse is that they always did. So I always did 5x the work because i REALLY wanted to be fucking good. I wanted to be Louie Zong man. But I no longer have the energy. If i socialize for more than 5 hours one day I need an entire day break from that. I need immediate silence after idk. overusing my ears or something. I cant look in the eyes anymore im in kaput mode. Meanwhile people my age have an entire portfolio, have worked on multiple projects that have been available online, have build up experience, edited graphic novels .... What the fuck. All I have is yaoi. 🫥 there isnt a word to describe how pathetic i feel. I am dust on their boots. If I cant physically follow then why do I still have the same ambitions ? Why cant i fucking give up the desire to become GOOD. not iust GOOD but like NOTEWORTHY GOOD. Wat am i looking for but the love i have lacked while growing up. Its so annoying. wats the point dude. let go. i am average. not even noteworthy bad. just not noteworthy. and 11 y old me is just looking down at me

[bipolarmango]

Things people should know about bipolar disorder

1. We don't all the time jump from mania to depression from one moment to another. Rapid cycling means that a person experiences four or more episodes in one year. Rapid cycling only occurs in 10-20% of people with bipolar disorder with women and people with bipolar II being more likely to experience periods of it. In short, for an episode to be even counted, a hypomania should last minimum four days, mania for a week, and depression for two weeks. The exception to the rule is the times when a person is suffering from a mixed episode. Mixed episodes are defined as experiencing both depression and (hypo)mania either simultaneously or in rapid sequence. Around 40-50% of people with bipolar disorder experience a mixed episode at some point in their life, some more frequently than others.

2. External and internal things do trigger episodes. These mean things like stress, big changes in life like a breakup or a move to another city, but also hormonal changes, change in the season or weather, and even changes in our sleep patterns (yes, we shouldn't randomly stay up for the whole night). Even some doctors still live under a false belief that bipolar mood changes cannot be affected by anything external or internal except the brain randomly deciding to go haywire, while various studies show otherwise. Studies also show that 1 in 4 people with bipolar also have SAD (seasonal affective disorder). The episode can, of course, also occur totally randomly and without any clear reason.

3. We are not stupid. For some reason, plenty of people seem to live under the assumption that people with bipolar are generally unintelligent. This is not the case. In fact, a study found that 12 risk genes for bipolar disorder were also linked to intelligence. In 75 % of these genes, bipolar disorder risk was associated with higher intelligence. Moreover, the connection between intelligence and bipolar disorder is largely seen in those with high verbal IQ (VIQ). This type of intelligence is associated with creativity, abstract reasoning, and comprehension through spoken and written words. However, if the illness is very serious, there is a risk that the person's cognitive skills, such as verbal skills and memory, are impaired, especially during episodes. Some medications, such as Topamax, are also associated with certain side effects that may affect your memory, thinking, and even language skills.

[i-yap]

Disorders batboys s/o have( dick and jason ver)

Im a psychology student and i think everyone in this world has some symptoms if not full blown disorders. I also struggle with GAD and I have worked in 2 psychiatric hospitals so far in one I got a lot of readings+ 2 months , 8hrs on weekdays hospital shifts in 4 sectors. I don't mean to offend anyone but if you have a certain disorder it does determine a lot of your personality traits and therefore make you incompatible with certain types of people. this is just a " oh I think the batboys could take care or be compatible with someone with this disorder enough to not hamper their healing "

Anyways..(im so scared to post this)

Dick grayson- mood disorders (major depressive diroder. bipolar disorder, seasonal depression, burnout)

Dick is this silent mother hen sort of figure. he loves taking care of others, it fills him with altruistic feelings and helps him feel needed. Someone with a mood disorder needs someone they can go and be sad with without feeling judged. Dick understands that burnt out feeling really well. He understands how sometimes you just want to let your feelings go through you. He is warm sunshine personified, joyful calm and reliable. He likes taking care of you, the small quiet moments. He will find small personal ways to make your mood a little more bearable however he can without overwhelming you.

"he comes back from his crime fighting to find you in bed. he recognizes your mood instantly. slowly approaching you and gently kissing you awake .

"hey baby ", "youre back dickie" "mhm how long have you been in bed?" " I don't know" "I'm starting a bath, would you like to join me" "I don't really feel like moving" "ill carry you" ."

Jason todd- anxiety disorders ( generalized anxiety disorder(gad), phobia, panic attacks, separation anxiety disorder(sad))

gad- the fact that jason literally fights crime every night and is super impulsive/doesnt care about his safety, so seeing you almost ripping your head off from worry for him not only warms his heart ( he thinks you hate him and struggles to believe that YOU could give someone like him any attention but here you are) but also makes him take better care of himself for your sake. he hates seeing you worried but he loves calming you down. holding your hands tight, replecating meditation style breathing and mindfulness practices. kissing you overthinking head. hugging you when you stress cry, giving you massages.

Phobia- he understands triggers better than anyone else, he will be your big bad protector making sure to help you avoid the item that's causing you phobia. holding your hand and hiding you behind him if you have social anxiety, making sure to avoid triggering environments if you have agoraphobia, killing all snakes in the world if you have a phobia of them( he seriously suggests it but you stop him cuz it'll hurt the ecosystem)

Panic attacks- he has them too, either you have learned a way to deal with them and teach him or he has learned a way to deal with them and helps you . if he hasn't before meeting you, he has a new much stronger motivation to learn techniques or medication that can help deal with them for your sake and therefore also accelerate his healing

seperation anxiety-.. he has it too so like.( ik its more common in kids but adult sad is also a thing) both of you are clingy, its a win win for you two , fuck the rest of the world

again this is just my opinion okay? don't make mental health a taboo , if this post was about batboys x blind! y/n no one would have an issue. mental health is a condition and sometimes its out of our control, it depends on so many factors. Its nothing to be ashamed or scared of.

[crmsnmth]

Hello

I guess I wasn't clear enough on the third version, so here's Version 4 Introductions are stupid. Hi. How goes it? Here's a little blurb of what I'm all about. I'm 36. I live in a small-town of about 2000 people in the center of the state of Wisconsin. It is not even close to as glamorous as it sounds. I've lived in quite a few other places though, but I guess it's true that we always go home. I work as a kitchen manager/EC. I've been working in the kitchen on and off for most of my working life. My first job was a cashier at a certain fast food pizza place that makes rectangle pizzas. That aren't good, but the breadsticks always kicked ass.

I am a massive music fan (it's playing right now) and when I tell you I listen to all music, believe me when I say all music. My main daily playlist is always growing and includes everything from iwrestledabearonce to Katy Perry (listen to her unplugged album. Kissed a Girl as a jazz type thing is beautiful) to Atmosphere to Miley Cyrus to Alan Jackson to Dying Fetus. My favorite band is Descendents with Amigo The Devil and Frank Turner coming very close to that coveted spot. I am a major horror fan, and I don't think I own a single t-shirt that isn't somehow horror related. I'm a sucker for the 80's slashers. I've seen every Friday the 13th movie enough times that if you ever watch them with me, I will annoy you by quoting the lines throughout the whole movie. I am Bipolar. Type 1. I am a raging cynic.

I am an addict in (long-term) recovery. I am sober. I write more than any sane person does, but I never once claimed to be sane. I write because if I don't, my head will explode. You can think this a metaphor all you want.

I do not write for anyone's approval, not even my own. I do this because it's the only addiction that isn't actively trying to kill me. I do it to get the thoughts out of my head, because if I don't, my head will explode, and I don't really like the idea of my brains splattering around me in a circle. I'd hate to have to clean up that mess. I always love constructive criticism. But please, for the love of all things holy, don't just tell that I suck. I already know that information. It's kind of a big part of my act. Tell me I suck but tell me why I suck. Give me a reason for my suckage. And if you can't do that, then maybe you should just keep your food hole shut.

So what will you find on my tiny drop in the ocean of the internet? You will see bad poetry, and an awful lot of it to be honest. You'll find random drops of fiction or a story I happen to be working on and want some form of opinion on it. I post at least once a day, but can post up to ten or fifteen times a day. And most of it is just your average mundane sad boy bad poetry. And if you see how much I do post, think of how much stuff I have laying around that never gets touched. I have boxes of notebooks, napkins and matchbooks with lines I thought were clever.

So since I write so much, what the hell is it exactly that I write about? That's easy. I'm pretty predictable in the end. So, this stuff: The Girl With Ocean Blue Eyes*, Kid*,The Broken Mirror Girl*, My Junkie Angel*, The Girl From California*, An Ex Band-Mate*, The Drunken Best Fried*, love, lost lovers, hopelessness, isolation, drug addiction, alcoholism, depression, forgotten acquaintances, mental illnesses, rage, hate, rejection, joy, insignificant moments, slices of life, laughter, beauty, self and self-reflection, self-hate, art, other writers, panic, infatuations, obsession, therapy, group homes, rehab, jail, grace, nature, loss, hope, fear, grief, anguish, philosophy, anarchism, nihilism, religion, god, the devil, ugliness, politics, serial killers, cults, suicide, death, destruction, chaos, music, validation, closure, memory, enemies, friends, rock bottom, sex, violence, rock and roll, sin, self-exploration, bipolar disorder, schizoaffecive disorder, pain, self-destruction much more.

Consider this line right here your trigger warning. Please see above to see my chosen subjects, and it should be clear that I will write something that can bring up some feelings. I make music as well for another creative outlet. No, I don't churn out songs like I do the written word, but I love my music and if you would like to tell me how much I suck at it here's the links:

If I come off as extremely depressed in my work, please know that I am fine. I'm good. Ok? Ok.

There, now you know the barest of my bare bones. You want to know anything else, just ask. I'm always happy for the fifteen second interaction. And I always try to interact with those who interact with me, but I am not one to talk first. If you follow me, know that I will most likely follow you back. Unless your space is empty, a bot, or straight-up porn.

*Added 7/2/2024 I get asked about them all time. Yes, I know I'm covered in typos and missing words. I used to try to fix then all but that started to get annoying in here. I apologize for them, but unless thy're pointed out, I'm not fixing them. This is my area right? I'm lazy and you get the meaning of what I'm trying to say.

*Not their real names.

*7/18/2024 Looking for people to read my actual book that I've been working and help with editing and how it looks to other eyes then my own. If interested in the slightest, send me a message and I'll gladly send you the link. I appreciate all the help i can get, as this is the book I would like, if possible, to publish. Thanks in advance If not, that's cool too.

[xxbl33d1ngb0yxx]

3d$hblr intro post <3

hi, i’m julian but u can call me julez :3

im a 16 yr old autistic n trans emo scene kid with a shit ton of trauma n general mental fuckiness (bipolar 2, c-ptsd, DID, anxiety, oppositional defiance disorder, multiple £d’s) & also physical disabilities cuz the universe hates me

my old blog got t3rmed, i used to be 22 raccoons in a trench coat

this is mostly a v3nt blog n imma be yapping abt d1s0rd3r3d 34t1ng, $h & general m3nt4l 1lln3ss stuff so if that’s triggering to u then dni i don’t wanna hurt anyone

sorry 4 the excessive censorship, i don’t wanna get nuked again

st4tz, tags n other stuff under the cut

I’ve been 3D’ed since i was a kid, i had ARFID my whole childhood n that kinda devolved into 4na, then everything spiraled and for the past few years ive been pretty much toggling between 4na, m1a n BED

st4ts (in |bs)

LW: 83

HW: 134

CW: 120

GW1: 114

GW2: 107

GW3: 100

UGW: 93

___________________________________________

i’ve been s3lf h4rm1ng since i was 8 yrs old, ive hit b3anz but usually just do styr0 n babycvts

i do it almost every day and the addiction progressively gets worse

sometimes i take pics

___________________________________________

tags:

julez1sn0t0k - my personal tag that you can always find me under in case i get nuked

julezr3bl0gs - reblogs w/ commentary (i’m too lazy to tag it if im not saying anything)

jul14n y4ps - my long ish rants about random shit

jul14n 4nsw3rs - answering asks

i also tag tw’s in case my moots have certain triggering tags blocked

[profchamomile]

Greetings! I am Nori Phoris of the Ultra Reconnaissance Squadron and I am curious about your pokemon. You have a few of what you have called ‘service pokemon’ and I am confused about their usage. From the little information I have gathered on the subject they are supposedly able to help a person with medical needs, but I fail to see how a pokemon could be utilized in this manner. I understand that pokemon are generally much more even tempered and gentle than Ultra Beasts (and that humans are not as technologically advanced as my people) but I am unsure that they could successfully do such a thing. My intent is not be rude, of course, I was just wondering.

For more information you can contact me or my partner @from-ultra-space or by sending a message to the Heahea Dimensional Research Lab in Alola. The URS Headquarters are located in Ultra Megalopolis. Thank you for your time.

Why of course; I would be happy to tell you more! Thank you so much for asking; it's wonderful that you're willing to educate yourself on the matter! This is gonna be a long post though, so bear with me!

There are several types of Service 'Mon, so I'll be addressing a few.

For a little context: I use the term "handler" to mean the human, because not everyone with a service 'mon trains their pokemon for battle, so calling them trainers is inaccurate.

Medical Alert Pokemon: Pokemon generally have very keen senses and abilities that humans don't have, and are therefore capable of sensing things in humans before humans can even sense it in themselves. This helps them in detecting seizure activity, heart conditions, fainting episodes, to name a few. These Pokemon are trained to alert their handler if they detect if the medical episode is about to happen so that the handler can take the necessary steps to prepare (for example: someone with a disorder that causes them to faint will sit down somewhere so that they don't fall and risk a concussion). The Pokemon will also ensure that the trainer is safe while they ride through the medical episode. Some Pokemon with keen sense of smells can also smell allergens for people with severe allergies, as some can be triggered by the smallest trace of said allergen.

2. Psychiatric Service Pokemon: Psychiatric Service 'Mon are for people who have certain mental health conditions that affect them so severely, it inhibits their quality of life to a major degree. Examples of this would be Anxiety, Schizophrenia, PTSD or c-PTSD, Bipolar disorder, again to name a few. Their tasks can vary greatly on the individual's needs; they can range from retrieving medications at scheduled times to calming and grounding their handler when distressed. Certain Psychic Pokemon are very good with this since they can detect emotional distress, but sometimes it can be simple as having a soft, well-tempered Pokemon that's trained for these things.

3. Guide Pokemon: This might be the most well known type of Service Pokemon. These Pokemon are trained to lead the blind or visually impaired around obstacles. The handler does the directing, and the Pokemon ensures that the handler doesn't run into any obstacles on the way or into any potentially dangerous areas. I once knew someone with an Absol for a Guide Pokemon (even though they're not easily trainable for such things), because they can detect disasters.

4. Mobility Assistance Pokemon: These Pokemon are trained to help people with disorders that affect their mobility. What they do exactly depends on the Pokemon's physical ability and the handler's needs. For example: Some Pokemon may pull wheelchairs for handlers in certain circumstances that are hard for the handler to navigate themselves (for example: Ignis can help me get up steep slopes). Some also aid with balancing issues, providing extra support or stability for the handler. If the Pokemon is big enough to ride or strong enough to carry you without getting hurt, some of them... Basically do just that to help with inaccessible areas, or in emergencies (that's not encouraged to be a frequent practice, however; more of a "do if absolutely necessary"). They can be trained to pick up certain objects for handlers who either have low dexterity or can't reach it themselves.

My Service 'Mon, Ignis and Queenie, are both Mobility Assistance 'Mon, but they have different tasks.

Ignis, my Arcanine, helps me get around outdoors. He has the strength to pull (or push) the wheelchair if needed, such as with high slopes or on a difficult path; he can also detect when I'm getting fatigued and start pulling the wheelchair himself so it's a bit easier on me (manual wheelchairs are harder than they look, since you're basically pushing your own body weight around).

Also since I can walk short distances at least: I have a special chair that's light-weight and can fold up pretty well, and has a handle for him to carry in his mouth. This is so: when we find a some stairs, I fold up the wheelchair, have him carry it, and we go up the stairs with me using him for extra support (I don't ever put my full weight into him; it's mostly for balance and to keep me from falling).

And, since I do a lot of field research, sometimes I ride Ignis for a short duration of time so he can get me to areas not easily accessible even for able-bodied people. And he can just as easily get me out of those areas in case of emergency.

Queenie on the other hand, has very different tasks. She uses telekinesis to help pick things up and move them for me. If needed, she can use it to help with moving my wheelchair as well, or help keep me from losing my balance.

Queenie is also capable of helping me do basic tasks when I'm too fatigued and the "brain fog" sets in (that's where I start struggling to think coherently due to being too physically and mentally exhausted; it affects my ability to focus, remember things, put thought into action, or even articulate myself). This technically isn't an official task of hers as a Service 'Mon; she started doing that on her own accord without being trained to do so.

Queenie's tasks are more indoor-focused while Ignis's tasks are more outdoor focused, due to a variety of factors such as their size, abilities and their types and temperment (understandably, some people can get uneasy with a large fire-type indoors).

If you or anybody else have questions on the subject, please let me know! And if anyone else with Service 'Mon experience want to share information, or even talk about what their own Service 'Mon do if they have one, by all means, feel free to do so!

[thewonandonly]

NINTEEN.FIVE — AUGUST 4, 2022, 8:26PM

trigger warning: mention of attempted su!c!de and se|f injury! please read at your own risk. if needed, this chapter can be skipped.

your keys hit the wooden door of your shared apartment, and you stepped in, kicking off your shoes. seonghwa has royally pissed you off this time. he was extremely rude, and annoying. a know-it-all. a... an exact replica of your father, minus the addictions, or at least you were aware of.

reading through the texts you shared between the both of you after you blocked him, just as he had done to you, you couldn't help but feel even a bit bad about what you said, even if he deserved it.

"i'm late, i know, i'm sorry! my manager wanted me to stay behind to train seonghwa on closing." you sighed, walking into the living room and set your bag down on the kitchen counter, seeing everyone turning to look at you. it made you feel uncomfortable, "what?" you asked softly.

yunho sighed, "come, sit."

you wandered over to the couch beside yunho, and jongho sat up, "look at this." the younger passed you a piece of paper that was printed.

the headline read simply; "district attorney's son admitted into psychiatric ward after suicide attempt." and there was a photo of seonghwa with a group of friends, all their faces blurred aside from seonghwa's. reading further, your heart began to pick up pace in your chest.

"On Monday, January 17, the district attorney of jinju's son, was admitted into a psychiatric hospital ward for self inflicted injuries and suicidal tendencies. District attorney Park has revealed that his son is in good health, and is taking a vacation away from the stressful duties of school and the community." your heart beat in your throat, "Park Seonghwa (17), is a student at Myungshin High School, who was found passed out in a school bathroom, which lead to a severe seizure as soon as he was admitted into the hospital. Park Seonghwa will be housed immediately into Gyeongsang National University Hospital." looking at the date, you realized just how long ago it must feel for him.

"read the next one." jongho pushed.

you grabbed the second page, looking over the top, which yunho highlighted with a marker, "District attorney Park disowns youngest son." You blinked, reading on about the incident; "District attorney Park reveals in a recent interview that he has disowned his youngest son, Park Seonghwa, not very long after his attempted suicide." as your eyes crossed the words, you noticed that it had been two years after seonghwa attemped, "Attorney Park reveals that due to his son's onslaught of depression and flare ups of his diagnosis of bipolar disorder, his family would have to move on from his attempt and continue on with their lives. At this moment, the youngest Park has not made a statement."

"and the next one," yunho grabbed the paper for you, passing you it.

"Disowned son of District Attorney released from psychiatric hospital, readmitted 15 hours after."

The papers your friends passed to you continued to grow, all giving you insight to seonghwa's past; "Park Seonghwa held in jail cell for night for depression drug abuse,"

"Park Seonghwa seen with eldest brother on trip to therapist appointment,"

"Park Seonghwa drops out of high school, no longer taking a step to high education,"

"Park Seonghwa living off drug sponsor’s money,"

"Park Seonghwa attempted again,"

"Park Seonghwa's history with depression,"

"Park Seonghwa's bipolar disorder mania rampage,"

"Park Seonghwa jailed for assault on reporter,"

"Park Seonghwa no longer in contact with family, even eldest brother,"

"Park Seonghwa spotted taking home girls every other night,"

they were all as painful as the last. these people invaded in on his life, expecting something to happen next. and you looked at the very last page; "Park Seonghwa's found family."

it was a fairly light hearted report; sharing a small slideshow of hongjoong, wooyoung and yeosang. yet it seemed like they were still poking fun at seonghwa.

"Park Seonghwa has found himself a new family to take comfort in." the phrase almost made you sick to your stomach, "Now, we wait and see if he drops contact any time soon." rage filled you to the brim.

jongho grabbed the pages, tapping the edges against the coffee table to line them up with one another, "i was on lunch break, and i was curious about them all. hongjoong was clean, but yeosang and wooyoung did have a few disciplinarian actions taken against them for disturbing the peace, but that was a misunderstanding." jongho intertwined his fingers, "yunho was the one who saw the first article about seonghwa. all he had to do was look his name up and it popped up."

you gave yourself credit for being an empath, but these articles made you want to curl into a ball on the floor of the bathroom and cry your eyes out.

anger lingers, not matter how long you sit there and think about it; and that's all seonghwa was. he was angry. he was betrayed. he built those walls to protect himself from the same thing happening.

if you felt only a little bad earlier from what you said, you felt even worse now.

"yn," jongho whispered, "seonghwa isn't just a surly, cantankerous old man; he's a broken inner child."

you nodded, trying to stop your eyes from watering, "you're right."

yunho rubbed your shoulder, which made you want to break down more.

"you know better than anyone what that feels like." jongho looked at you, "my question is what exactly lead him to do what he did."

you sniffed lightly, feeling your sinuses plug ad mucus flooded into your throat, "well, the second attempt was with the anti-depressants that the psychiatrist prescribed. fifty five hundred people overdose on those alone," you started, your voice already sounding congested, "it seems like it might've been the medicine that did it to him. because, you know, medicine makes it go bad to okay in just a few days, so if his inner child was really begging for dopamine, they must've thought a high dose was what he needed."

you looked at the article about his second attempt again, sighing softly, "he took bupropion, which is 300 milligrams to start." you were happy for a moment that your mother might've even taught you a little of something, but it quickly went away after you realized that you, as a child, should not have known this; bringing the first article, you read through it, "bupropion has a history of increasing seizure risk, so let's see..." you read through the article, and found what was needed to be found — in plain text, it read, "the means of this attempt was caused by a high dosage of Ziban, the brand name for bupropion, which also caused a seizure spike for the student."

"He's been prescribed bupropion in the past," you looked between the two articles, "bupropion has a weaker attachment with dopamine, which is probably why he took more than he could take."

connecting the dots in your head was enough for you to get curious as to why, exactly, he was prescribed the same medication twice.

"um, yunho," you turned to the taller man, "search up his father."

yunho pulled out his phone, quickly typing in his father's name.

you sniffled again, rubbing your eyes as you read through the different hyperlinks to articles, slide shows and other medias.

until you saw what might give some explaining to the facts you know.

"District attorney Park ends funding of bupropion production with harsh critique; Medical field is a scam."

you looked at yunho and jongho, "his father funded the production in south korea."

"when did that article come out?" yunho leaned over, scrolling to the top, "that came out almost 7 months after seonghwa's attempt."

"his father must've put him on them." you tapped your fingers against the table, reading over the article, "he was a major funder for the production, so, when he was represcribed them, his father must have done something to get him back on that medication." between the two articles, you could see similarities in the facts; seonghwa had a seizure, he tried to take his life in a lavatory with a locked door, and he used bupropion.

and, he was in a psychiatric ward two in his life time, all within a year of his life. and after that, his father disowned him.

your walls came crashing down as you found out more about this cantankerous man, and as your two friends left for the night, you bundled up the paper, tucking them into your bedside table drawer.

it was almost impossible to sleep, but you laid there, your mind running through the timeline once again.

PARK SEONGHWA is a stone-cold, cantankerous punk-rock player. He hates everything about the world, and if he had just one chance, he’d do anything to keep the best thing about the world in his arms; you, the complete opposite of everything he’s ever built up to hate.

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TAGLIST ;; @punks-rad​​​​​ @atinytinaa​​​​ @prince-mingki​​​​​ @dear-dreamie @yoongiigolden​​​​​​ @noonaishere ​@naiify @kodzukein​ @layzfeelit @dandelion-aj

copyright © 2023 thewonandonly. all rights reserved.

[cookiewoli]

Okay this is a scream out post, idc who wants to read it or not but I need to unwind.

Every weekends, my fiance and I receive friends at home and play some boardgames all the day. We were playing a game (Dice throne) and I got a card "SchizoOni" and one of the guy here laughed and said

Guy : haha, so that Oni is sometimes kind, sometimes mean

Me : No.

Guy : But that's schizophrenia right ?

Me : No. That's not schizophrenia.

Guy : Okay so this is bipolar ?

Me : No either

Guy : So multiple personalities ?

Me : No. If you play nice but act mean you are just a fucking asshole. Mental illness has nothing to do with.

*Silence in the room*

There are two things that piss me off. First, why some game have cards with "schizo" wrote on it ? Why making cards with schizophrenic character on it ? And why most of them are evil or draw like a psychopath ? Go ahead, then let's make some character cards like "suicidal friend" "PTSD soldier " "bipolar girlfriend" "depressed mom". Obviously these type of cards would be unacceptable. But why it's not the same when it's about schizophrenia ? In aaaaall the different boardgame we have at home, I "banished " almost 10 cards with the term "schizo" wrote on it without any context because it's a fucking trigger warning.

Secondly, people are using the term schizophrenia as an insult and without knowing what it is !! All the clichés are "schizophrenic people are dangerous" "they have multiple personalities" "they're crazy" "they're killing people" and omg all of this are WRONG !

People are always confusing schizophrenia with DID. DID is the dissociative identify disorder. And that's NOT THE SAME THING as schizophrenia. In the DSM-V, DID is into the dissociative disorder family, and schizophrenia is into psychotic disorder. People that are saying "but that's the same thing." No, that's not. It's like saying asthma and lung cancer are the same thing.

Schizophrenia is one of the most misunderstood and terrifying illnesses and no one wants to understand what it's really is. There are under 1% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia. And inside this 1%, there are under 4% of people that are dangerous toward others. Most of people with schizophrenia are dangerous toward THEMSELVES. That's why the Sui**dal rates is very high. Media looooves to show schizophrenic people as dangerous murderer and it's so bullshit. That's one of the reason why people diagnosed with this illness are scared to tell it to others. When I was to a psychiatrist school, some people diagnosed with schizophrenia were lying to their friends "oh, I'm here because I have depression" because they're scared to tell the truth and be seen as monsters. Because that's how people see us.

So let's clarify together what schizophrenia is ! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

- it's NOT a multiple personalities disorder

- they are NOT dangerous toward others. Well, it can happens of course. But it's rare.

- It's NOT two opposing traits switching. Like "Kind - mean" (for example, doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde) or "Happy - sad"

- there are not a "face of schizophrenic person"

(I heard so much people saying to me 'ooooh, but you're so cute. You don't look schizophrenic.")

So. Schizophrenia is a psychotic mental illness. You can resume it by a loss of sense of reality.

It includes hallucinations, delusions and a lot of other things, but I will try to be as simple as possible.

Hallucinations can affects all the senses : touch, sight, hearing, smell and taste. The most knows are hearing voices, or see things that doesn't exist, HOWEVER, see whole people moving, talking to you is a big cliché into the movies. Actually, visual hallucinations can be less impressive. Yes, indeed, some people can have horrible hallucinations (I was concerned when I was 13), but some see things more.... Simple. I knew a girl who was seeing dragonfly and birds. But I knew another guy who was seeing aliens walking into the corridor.

Delusions are more difficult to explain. It's just thinking something that are not real, but it's more complex. You loose your sense of perception of reality. Your sense of reasoning. You loose the meaning of "reality" and that's something very difficult to understand to people when they're see someone close to them locked into their delusions. When you're thinking something stupid, unreal, like "people can read into my mind" your sense of reasoning come and tell you "lmaaaooo, it doesn't exist. People can't read into your mind. That's science-fiction"

Well, when you have schizophrenia, your sense of reasoning has gone for holidays and your like "omg. People can read into my thoughts. What should I do ?? Be careful of what I'm thinking?? Stop see people ?? Tell them to stop reading into my mind ? Stay in my room for months and see nobody until they'll stop ?"

It seems really stupid, but the worse part of delusions is that you're trapped into it and you don't know you're trapped.

Anyway. The same guy I talked about in the beginning said to my fiance "Are you sure she have schizophrenia ? She doesn't seems to. Maybe she's faking, or maybe she just have a lot of imagination. Or she wants attention."

And omg I wanted to fuck myself up so I leave.

YeS iT's jUsT mY iMaGinaTiOn but I get diagnosed of schizoaffective disorder by 4 different psychiatrist. I have to take 7 pills (1725 mg in the beginning . Now 975mg) everyday for the rest of my life, which worsened my hypotension so often I'm fainting randomly when I stand up. I have to see psychiatrist, psychologist, nurse and therapist for the rest of my life too (more of that I'm diagnosed of CPTSD) I can't fucking bear to see my full body recover of scars that have more of 10 year and will stay here forever. I dropped school at 15. Get to mental hospital at 16. 10 times in 2 years and in 4 different places. Then I get accepted to a special school for teenagers with mental illness. But thanks to it, I succeed to finish my studies with good grades.

"Faking my symptoms" ? Oh, yes, of course. Of course. I'm faking hearing voices telling me "hey, see these stairs ? Why don't you jump into it and k*LL yourself ? Nobody loves you" "hey, this person, here. He will try to rape you." "Worthless, useless, unloved, unwanted" I'm faking hitting my head against the wall to make those noises stop.

Yeah, I'm faking feeling bugs crawling into my skin. Yeah, I'm faking tearing up my flesh because I think that the bugs are hide under my skin. And cuz scratching my skin until bleeding will make them leaves. Of course. Of course.

So I CAN'T STAND being told I'm faking my schizoaffective disorder for attention. Even if I'm okay with it, to talk about it, CPTSD was diagnosed recently and hits hard. Mainly from September to January. It's hurt my whole life and sometimes my mental health just break. But my fiance is here with me and I'm so glad to have it.

Okay I'm done complaining ! I don't think people stayed until the end, but if it's the case, just thank you to read all my boring speech. I'm tired, so tired, angry, sad. My psychologist is on holiday, I see my psychiatrist one per month, and my fiance is working so I'm alone at home. I just needed to express my frustration. Because I have big difficulty to talk about my emotions verbally. Even to my fiance. So I'm writing to him on discord even when he's next to me, because my only way to talk about my suffering is by writing. So let's take some med and go to sleep. Hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Artist ↑ : avogado6

[cringelordofchaos]

welcome. I like your shoelaces.

And Your Rat's Eggs. •

Salutations, earthlings (or non-earthlings)! I don't know what you're doing here but beware for you are coming in for a ride! The only problem is the driver never went through a single driving lesson so don't blame me if we crash!

Beware, as this blog may include many depictions and discussions of unreality, swearing, death, trauma, ableism, racism, and more. At times I forget to tag these potentially triggering topics.

Yes, I had indeed attempted to make an introductory post! It heavily pains me to write this all, given my distinguished and embarrassing personality, but on this boat we strive to not care! Cringe culture is dead and I'm coming for your pancreas and brain tissue if you so dare to disagree.

So, without further ado!

x DNI x

if you're a bigot in any way (queerphobic, n@zi, racist, sexist, ableist, generally discriminatory, etc etc)

also this isn't really a dni criteria but pls don't behave inappropriately when interacting with me, keep it at a joke level maximum, I value my comfort over your pleasure

x NICKNAMES x

I am fine with anything you so dare to call me, be it a regular name or a homophobic slur. I quite frankly don't give a shit. However, nicknames I most prefer amount to DOMINO, TOKI and GOBLIN !!

x MY POSITION IN THE ALPHABET SOUP x

I am fine with any pronouns, though in terms of preferences I do gravitate towards they/them more than anything else. Everything else is irrelevant, but I am queer, and I don't think I make it subtle (?).

- https://en.pronouns.page/@CringeLordOfChao - my pronouns page

x FANDOMS/INTERESTS/GENERAL FAVES x

(I'm not as into some of these fandoms as I am in others, for example i barely know crap about Moomintroll I only sometimes watch some scenes of it on yt as a comfort show and I still listed it here, you can ask me about specific fandoms and how much I'm into them)(bold text = obsessed/into it enough to the point of being capable of infodumping about it/having a decent amount of opinions on it/having a conversation about it) (nvm idek anymore just ask me if I'm interested in it or not atm)

Video games: Skyrim, OMORI, BAD END THEATER, her tears were my light, Adventures with Anxiety!, Sonic The Hedgehog (general), Parappa The Rapper, Parappa The Rapper 2, Um Jammer Lammy, Minecraft, MineCraft StoryMode, Duolingo, Pokémon (general), Pizza Tower, Amanda The Adventurer, Cuphead, Word Trip, UNDERTALE. Tomadachi Life, ROBLOX,

Roblox games: Flicker, my eyes deceive, Adopt Me!, Royale High, Sonic Pulse RP, Horse Valley, Rate My Avatar, Speed Run 4, copyrighted artists, Pyrite Adventure, Wolves Life, Total Roblox Drama, Murder Island 2, Sonic World Adventure,

Neurodivergence (such as, but not limited to): Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Bipolar Personality Disorder (BPD), Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FASD), Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD), Down Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), etc etc

Animated series: The Music Freaks, hfjONE, The Owl House, Amphibia, Sonic Prime, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Parappa The Rapper, Sonic X, AVM Shorts, The Loud House, The Casagrandes, Legend of Korra, Pokémon, Total Drama (Island/general), Willcraft's Monster School, LEGO Ninjago, Spirit Riding Free, Moomintroll (2017), DuckTales (2017), My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic, The Cuphead Show, Sonic Boom, The Amazing World Of Gumball, Kipo And The Age Of Wonderbeasts,

Non-animated shows: Stranger Things, Umbrella Academy, Dark, Only Fools And Horses, The Modern Family, Sesame Street,

Comics: Sonic The Hedgehog (IDW)

Animated movies: Sonic The Hedgehog (1996)/Sonic OVA, The Last Guest, Nimona, The Lego Movie, Equestria Girls (all parts), Moana,

Non-animated movies: Sonic The Hedgehog + Sonic The Hedgehog 2 [i guess, I feel obliged to like it since I'm a sonic fan], Avatar, Alpha,

Webcomics (all available on WEBTOON!): Blooming Season, The Last Dimension, Unfamiliar, Jackson's Diary, North Korean Kid, Heartstopper, Is chair still in the park?, Ghost Eyes, Meow Are You?, The Recloseted Lesbian, War and Tea, Hyperfocus, Erma, Emmy The robot, Post Harbor, Spellward Bound, The Little Trashmaid, Of Aliens And Cacti, MAX has AUTISM, Hollow Kid, Aurora Borealis, Always Human, Will There Be A Tomorrow? (H), High Class Homos, Everything Is Fine, Home Sweet Ghost, Notumare, Heartstopper,

Books: The Name Of This Book Is Secret (all 5 parts), Hobbit, Ana, Teo, Warrior Cats (general),

Music creators: Radiohead, Rex Orange County, Laufey, bo en, Jack Stauber, Jay Vincent, Kaden Mackay, Olivia Rodrigo, if I was 9 again the only person on this list would be Alan Walker (I don't care about his music anymore), Pink Floyd, liana flores, Your Favorite Martian,

Gacha Stories: Boy With Bad Luck, Girl With Good Luck, The Music Freaks episodes 1-11, Shy Family, Shy Family PART 2, Lesbian Liar part 1-5, A Walking Disaster, Fated Sisters, A Beautiful Tragedy, The Mute Tomboy, literally anything made by Hxnnah rlly,

Favorite YouTubers: Flamingo, RosyClozy, TheOdd1sOut, Illymation, Hxnnah, [Brii Studios UwU], Cypopps, Emzii, NerdyArty, Marikyuun, ExtraRosy, WowzaDawg, foster on the spectrum, Behind The Meme, LilyTrescot SMP, JaidenAnimations, Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, Ice Cream Sandwich, How To ADHD, LesbianMindflayer,

Favorite Tumblr blogs (not including mutuals srry xx): @/oneeyedleaf, @/nerdyarty, @/tmf-confessions (technically a mutual), @/i-say-ok, @/sonicshipbattles, @/uncharismatic-fauna, @/official-boob-posts, @/identifying-horses-in-posts, @/sonicthehedgehog, @/inthetags, @/notumare (tech a mutual), @/your-blorbos-are-queer, @/the-owl-house-takes, @/incognitopolls, @/my-autism-adhd-blog. @/hot-take-tournament, @/haveyouseenthismovie-poll, @/aita-blorbos, @/oc-aita, @/jagged--dust-jacket-analysis (also tech a mutual), @/hero-deserves-to-be-happy, @/just-a-blog-for-polls, @/thistmfcharacteris, @/sonicapproves, @/lordystrange, @/aphantimes, @/neurotypical-sonic, @/fishyfishyfishtimes. @/adhd-sonic-the-hedgehog, @/obelisart, @/queeradhdcultureis, @/pd-culture-is, @/content-free, @/starscatteredsky, @/hero-deserves-to-be-happy,

Miscellaneous: zoology, drawing, using Picrew, ninjas, goblins, parallels in writing (this obsession is eating me alive I swear I'll literally analyze my events as if they're fictional and I'll draw parallels between them and my favorite fandoms/past events pls send help), daydreaming, dust, media analysis, character analysis, calculators, singing, mushrooms, weirdcore, goblincore, sociology, vocabulary, MBTI,

Languages (both real and fictional)(I only actually know some of these)(still learning): ninjargon, dovahzul, spanish, japanese, serbian, english, na'vi,

Things I'm planning to get into : Zoology, crocheting, Terraria, The Lego Movie: The Sequel, The Wilds, Warrior Cats, crafting, Nimona (comic), Notumare, The Mechanisms, Dark, Inscryption, The Adventure Zone, DELTARUNE, Teen Wolf, Solitaire, Sonic X, Good Omens, Voltron, The Amazing Digital Circus, Steven Universe, Oblivion, Star Vs The Forces Of Evil, MineCraft StoryMode, Percy Jackson, the pink corruption,

My own stories/Fanfiction plots: ghost!SUNNY AU (OMORI), Mob Academy (Minecraft fanfic), Carla and Silvia, omori!Hanahaki AU (OMORI), Flicker fanfic, HOLLOW HEART, (feel free to ask about any of these!!!)

Things I plan to get into again: MLP;FiM, Ninjago,

x KIN/FAV CHAR LIST x

(bold text = absolute fave!!)

TMF - Jake Sterling, Millicent Brooks, Drew, Lia, Sean Everett, Daisy,

ST - William Byers, Eleven/Jane Hopper/Byers, Jonathan Byers, Robin Buckley, Joyce Byers, Lucas Sinclair, Dustin Henderson, Kali Prasad,

PTR - Jammer Lammy, Parappa The Rapper, Katy Kat

STH - Sonic The Hedgehog, Miles Tails Prower The Fox, Mimic The Octopus, Whisper The Wolf, Sticks The Jungle Badger, Amy Rose The Echidna-Rascal (personal hc),

TOH - Luz Noceda, Agustus Porter, Edalyn Clawthorne, King Clawthorne, Lilith Clawthorne, Philip Whittebane/Belos (do not excuse his actions whatsoever), Enzo Gabriel The Collector

Amphibia - Marcy Wu, Sprig Planters

OMORI - KEL/KELSEY, OMORI, SUNNY, MARI, THE MAVERICK/MIKHAEL, PESSI, CAPT. SPACEBOY,

SS - SpongeBob SquarePants

Minecraft - Creeper, The Ender Dragon, Herobrine, Enderman, Wolf, Fox, The Wither

RBLX Flicker - Eduardo, Rita, Mikah, Amethyst, Adora, Amani

TMNT - Michelangelo!!

TLH - Luna Loud, Lincoln Loud, Lenni Loud, Lucy Loud, Clyde ??

TD(I) - Noah, Izzy, Dawn, Ezekiel

Ninjago - Jay Walker, Nya, Zane Julien, Akita,

WEBTOON TLD - Alex Hill, Phillip Maxwell, Anne Marie De Delle

x SHIP LIST x

[character] x no one = I like the interpertation of said character being aroace/just not dating anyone in general. (Bold text)= otp

OMORI - suntan, sunflower, heromari, goldrush, sunburn, photobomb, KEL x no one, herobowen, etc

STH - blazamy, whispangle, sonknux, sonadow, sonic x no one, kittails, amy x no one, stickmy, sticknux (but in a very specific modern sth way), sticks x no one, sonjet, shadisper, etc

TMF - ooo boy... milliot, jailey, hailia, drake, laisy, saisy, dailia, dadie, jaisy, jenry, drew x no one, drakailey, henriam, ladie/salia, platonic draisy, platonic henria, more xx

PTR - sunny x no one, parappa x matt, parappa x pj berri, parappa x no one, etc

Ninjago - lava, plasma, techno, jaya, bruise, opposite, pixane, glacier, harumya (?), lloyd x no one, cole x no one, nya x no one, qp mud, etc

TD - noco, gwourtney, nowen, breoff, bfffls, dizzy,

WEBTOON TLD - alex x phillip, anne x

x ANIMALS I LIKE x (few are fictional) •

virgin island's dwarf gecko, blobfish, horses, roosters, unicorns, wolves, anglerfish, immortal jellyfish, lion mane's jellyfish, okapis, rats, reek stonefish, doves, pigeons, vultures, cats, echidnas, frogs, star nosed moles, naked mole rats, moths (they seek the light which only further strays them away from life, the truth), spiders, rock doves, blue jaya tongue skinks, australian ghostsharks, aye-ayes, goblin sharks, dragons, whatever the fuck atla's momo is, lemurs, squirrels, flying squirrels, capybaras, OMG I JUST FOUND OUT FLYING LEMURS ACTUALLY EXIST THEYRE CALLED colugos, gerenuks, jabirus, jaguarundis, japanese spider crabs, jerboas, pangolins, potoos, thorny devils, snakes, black cats, vampire squids, northern stargazer,

x TAGS x

ghost!sunny au, >:], to do list, omori!hanahaki au, important, urgent, rb, asks, animalsss, others art, others writing, vent? like among us?, I am not funny, byliner, house design inspo, minecraft fanfic inspo, mari appreciation 💜, sean appreciation, fictional birthday, music, rb, tickposting, mari wheelchair au, serbian shit, carla and silvia, my oc, my ocs, my story, mob academy, hollow heart, 🎩🕊️, 🎩🕊️ • ❓, my polls, polls, 🎩🕊️ • ✉️, 🎩🕊️ • 📜, 🎩🕊️ • 🪬, 🐀🥚, me on anon, freakblr colour war, hailey hair controversy, freakblr colour war 2, freakblr colour war ii, mecoded, cringe confession of the day, gay screenshot collection, my top posts,flicker webseries preparations, hyper-cis, freakblr lore, my mom watches tmf, into the rosyverse, background-chan,

x TAGS FOR FANDOMS x (aka fandom acronyms) •

omori, tmf, st, go, ptr, sth, avm shorts, atla, rblx, amphibia, yfm, etc (if a franchise has 2 words or more when I reblog posts about that franchise the fandom tags I'll use for them will be exclusively the acronyms even if it isn't most preferred)

<°•×•°>

9.1,13.19,15,18,18,25°

My life will end incomplete! ~~××

(I'll try updating this later)

(this is like the tenth time doing this, I'm only capable of making intro posts in ONE RUN I guess, I am in pain, sjkdcie)

xxOTHER NOTES:

I occasionally post pretty angsty, overwhelmingly negative, and at times violently suggestive vent content here. If you do not like that, please filter the tag #vent? like among us?

I might have depression and/or adhd so that's probably gonna mess up my life and social interactions ummm (I'm a sensitive individual so please don't be too harsh)

I sometimes draw, don't expect it to look good though. You can request any prompt !!

My Roblox accounts are FinVanzahDovahKiin and stejsi_079 !!

My DeviantArt account is Unoriginal Creator !!

Even though I had formerly stated that this blog may contain triggering themes (even though I can't quite recall much triggering posts/reblogs I have on here??) this blog is mostly silly, it's just me being me

I have a lot of TMF mutuals, we have a lot of inside jokes that may not make any form of sense to outsiders

Even though I had also stated I have my own fanfiction ideas I like, I have not written any of them down and God knows when I will.

I need to spend less time on the internet for the sake of my health

My YouTube account is [InsertUnoriginalNameHere] !! (I've deleted 90% of my former content. Also most of my videos on there are like 2 years because I stopped posting after my parents found out it existed)

I have an alt account @freakblr-lore !! Studying the lore of tmf but mostly the subculture of freakblr

I also have a tmf Sean Everett rp/ask blog called @mr-broom !

I ALSO have a tmf Daisy rp/ask blog called @x-daisy-x !

There's also another one @hailey-i-guess

Another one @xjaded-sadiex

I'm disappointed in myself. I made an rp/ask blog for an entirely irrelevant background character. What the fuck. @background-bg-chan

IM PLANNING TO MAKE A ROBLOX FLICKER WEBSERIES!!! Posts related to it will be tagged "flicker webseries preparations".

There's an Elliot one now too!! @xx0blooming-orchid0xx

@sussy-albertaretz-core my fan blog for the Roblox YouTuber flamingo

please ask me anything about any of my interests

[thelovelyybonesuniverse]

TW (eating disorders / mental illness): if you do not already have an eating disorder or are in recovery - please block my account as what is posted here is likely very triggering. I also use this space to post about my struggles with other mental illnesses. I am diagnosed bipolar II, have OCD & social anxiety.

ABOUT ME: I have had an eating disorder I was 11 years old. For most of my life it was atypical anorexia. The only person I’ve told in the entire 21 years is my psychiatrist. I’m sure it was very apparent to my Dad growing up as I was extremely strict and obsessive with calories, restriction, fasting & exercise etc.. and couldn’t really hide it. I have had periods of “recovery” and periods of relapse. I have never been normal about food or my body. In the last few years I have also somehow developed binge eating disorder, which is miserable & ruining my life. I have no idea how it’s possible to have both ED’s but here I am. I am pro-recovery, and do not wish this on anyone. This is just a safe place for my thoughts.

______________________________________________

SHE/HER | AGE: 32 | HEIGHT: 5’4” | CW: 204.4lbs

244 243 242 241 240 239 238 237 236 235 234 233 232 231 230 229 228 227 226 225 224 223 222 221 220 219 218 217 216 215 214 213 212 211 210 209 208 207 206 205 204 203 202 201 200 199 198 197 196 195 194 193 192 191 190 189 188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180 179 178 177 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161 160 159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140 139 138 137 136 135 134

SW: 244.1lbs

GW 1: 230 ✔️ (03.15.24)

GW 2: 220 ✔️ (04.10.24)

GW 3: 210 ✔️ (07.05.24)

GW 4: 199

GW 5: 190

_______________________________________________

[manicallyrhapsodical]

4:04 AM

i think everyone has a right to create a crappy blog filled with the musings inspired by late-night thoughts and worries. i’ve never cashed in on that right. it wasn’t until i sat thinking about whether or not it could be considered manic for me to make a blog, a tumblr account for the said blog, and an opening article at 4:04 am that i decided to jump into the world of the “writer’s blog.”

i’m someone who doesn’t intend to stay up late to do things. i plan when i’ll go to bed, complete my night-time routine early, and get in bed at a decent time almost every night. however, i inevitably find myself sitting up between the world of being wide awake and feeling like i could crash the second i let it happen. i stay up late and enjoy the free time that being up at 2 am with me, myself, and i grants.

when i was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, i remember both my therapist, the psychiatrist, and the medical professional who diagnosed me all telling me how important it was that i got my sleep. on my official “test results,” one of the 9 recommendations for how to move forward with my official diagnoses was to read and study how to sleep better and to implement the practices learned. my psychiatrist mentions every time we meet the importance of getting sleep so as not to trigger a manic episode. my therapist has me take check-in quizzes before we meet each time to report on various things, one of which includes how my sleep is, to estimate what my mental state is before i go in. 

yet without fail, at least once a week, i stay up past the “allowed” time frame i’ve given myself. if i’m being honest with myself, it tends to happen more than once a week, but you won’t catch me admitting that to anyone out loud. 

being up late gives me freedom i don’t always have during the day and serves me for both the better and the worse. i read books and dig deep into researching topics i’ve meant to get around to. i plan my week and how i’ll fit everything into their neat little slots. i tidy up my to-do lists and organize everything from my email to how my photo albums are categorized. labels are added, the excess is deleted, and wants and needs are fulfilled.

on the other hand, i’ll spend hours scrolling through reddit forums, seeing if anyone has experienced the crushing guilt i’m now feeling from mistakes long ago made and how they got over it. i sit and stalk people from my past, silently reprimanding myself for not being farther along in life. i google the feelings and thoughts i’ve been having to see if that’s a potential trigger warning for a manic episode. i listen to a guided meditation to see if it’s strong enough to break me out of the anxiety attack i inevitably bring upon myself.

eventually, i can no longer stay awake, either because i feel slightly ill because of my increasingly frequent sleep deprivation or because i talk myself down off the ledge of seeing just how long i can stay up. when the morning comes, my two hours of sleep never feel like a worthwhile trade for all the good i did in the early hours of the morning. 

i wonder if i’ll feel the same when i wake up this morning to a new hobby on the side, all pristine and ready for me to partake in. guess we’ll find out.

[transkeiichi]

Pinned Post

I guess I'll make one of these... hello to the 4 people who follow me <3

I'm Logan, a 27yr old genderqueer trans man. He/him. Bisexual.

I like anime, cosplaying & sewing in general, DND, my horrible little gremlin cat D.Va, and some fandoms I'm gonna mention a lil further down

If I follow you and you read this, my only tagging request for anyone I follow is to tag sn*kes. If you have a special system for tagging triggers or animals or whatever, I will blacklist whatever you use. If you do not, I blacklist pretty much any possible way I can get my blacklist to keep it off my dash. *Note: I only censored the word here because I don't want this to be in the tags somehow, or for the stupid suggested blogs algorithm to suggest me a billion blogs about them. Is this paranoid? Absolutely, but I'm doing it anyway.

Other blogs:

Cosplay

➤hikkikoumori-cosplay

➤I also post all my cosplay on instagram @/hikkikoumori

The Adventure Zone / Mcelroys / DND

➤autisticangus

➤I do not reblog Mcelroys or any DND to my main blog

System blog

➤soundscapesystem

I like being open about my mental health struggles. Tumblr has always been a place I allow myself to be open about these since I spend so much time IRL trying to seem normal. I say this because there are negative stereotypes of those who list their illnesses in their bio, but I've decided I don't give a shit 👍

➤Dissociative Identity Disorder

➤Autism

➤ADHD

➤Narcissistic Personality Disorder

➤Bipolar Type 1

I also "kin for fun" or whatever we're calling it now:

➤Bro Strider

➤Junkrat

➤Keiichi Maebara

➤Dirk Strider

Fandoms you might see me post + #tags:

➤Overwatch + #ovw

➤Homestuck + #hs

➤Cardcaptor Sakura + #ccs

➤Other CLAMP works +#clamp

➤Higurashi When They Cry + #higu

➤Rena Ryuugu specifically + #she!!!

➤KeiRena + #they!!!

➤Zombie Land Saga + #zls

➤House MD + hmd

➤House of Leaves + hol

Other tags:

➤My posts + #logan.txt

➤Bats + #bats!!!

➤Dogs + #dogs!!!

➤My partner <3 + #ray tag

➤Narcissist posts + npd tag

I don't like DNIs, so instead here's some things that might make me fit your DNI:

➤Pro-fiction. Human beings and fictional characters are different. If you ask me if I'm "pro-ship or anti-ship" I would say pro-ship.

➤Transandrophobia is real. I've heard all the excuses to not use this word and to use a different word, but I think they're stupid.

➤Identities that seem contradictory, make no sense to me, or seemingly don't fit my understanding of that identities definition aren't for me, and therefore it doesn't fucking matter if I get it or not. Identities are for the person doing the identifying. You can do whatever you want forever.

➤As a DID system, I try not to interact with syscourse. I have personal opinions about endogenic systems that I don't really discuss publicly. I don't hate endo systems, but I do typically avoid them. I may overlook it in some situations, like if its rarely blogged about, because this avoidance is due to not wanting so many posts about endos on my dash rather than a dislike for the actual person behind the blog. My opinions are more nuanced than "valid or not valid" and I don't care to get into it any deeper than that with a complete stranger.

[darkartscollective]

Intro post time!

🎀🪞☕🦢🕯️

We are the DarkArtsCollective!

We're technically a system of 12 but some of our alters don't use Tumblr. We consider our blog a safe space for most systems (endos dni) :D This body has bipolar disorder, ADHD and PTSD.

Most of these posts will sys memes and relatable pural posts. Not every post will be 'wholesome' so we will put trigger warnings.

Alters who will (hopefully) help run this account

1: Me! I go by Elf. sign off will be my name or -🪐 He/him

2: Echo (Emily from HH fictive open to talk about chaos source) moss/chaos -🍷

3:Dazai (NOT open to talk about it's source) it/it's -🦴

4: Kat she/pastel/mint - 🎮

5:N He/they (Open to talk about his source)-🧊

6:Uzi (Open to talk about their source) They/them - 🛸

7:Saihara He/him (NOT open to talk about his source) 📔

8: Bear mimic/they - 🖤

Our DNI

People who blatantly disrespect us and who are disrespectful.

Homophobes

Transphobes and Transmeds

Racists

Sexists

Ableists

Endogenic systems

People who fake claim.

That's all for now! - 🪐

[indecentpause]

White Rabbit: Chapter Five

cw: suicide mention, mental illness, bipolar disorder, drug mention, alcohol mention, psychiatric hospital, psychiatric medication, group therapy in an inpatient setting

When I wake up, my hair is a mess, there’s drool on my cheek, my blanket’s on the floor, and I don’t know what time it is. It’s dim outside, but I don’t know if that means it’s just cloudy or if it’s sundown. I push myself up but slip back down, and when I grunt, David leans in from the hallway and gently calls my name. I grunt again. “Are you awake?” “Mm.” Everything is slow, like cold molasses. The bed sucks me back in even as I try to push myself out. Its grip is like quicksand. “What time is it?” I finally manage to ask. “Almost 4:00,” David says. “You missed lunch, but dinner will be in a little over an hour.” “Did I miss my groups?” I rub at my eyes with my knuckles and finally manage to sit up. I kick my feet off the bed to try to steady myself. “Yes,” he says. “But you can go tomorrow. Visiting hours are at 6:00, and anyone who doesn’t have visitors can watch a movie in the day room. We’ll take a vote after dinner.” I nod, unsure if he can see me in the dim room. The bathroom light is still on, the door cracked. I stand, stumble forward, flop back on the bed again. Even the grips on the bottom of the slipper socks can’t keep me standing. My knees feel like pudding and my head, about the same. What the hell did they give me? I blink rapidly, trying to clear the fuzz from my head. Suddenly, it hits me. I’ve been a no-call no-show at work for six days. I don’t have my phone. I don’t have their phone number memorized. Maybe I can get it from someone who works here? “David?” It’s a little slurred. He looks back at me again. “Yes?” “Can you look up a phone number for me? I just realized I haven’t called into work since I was in the ER. I’ve probably been fired but I need them to know I’m not coming back in for a while.”

Read chapter five on Ao3

or on Wattpad!

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[idontknowanametouse]

Genshin cringe headcanons part 4: other Mondstadt characters

This post reclaims the term "cringe". If you use it as an insult or is triggered by it, please DNI

Name: Diona Katzlëin

Gender: demigirl catgender, she/mew/nya/paw

Pictures of Character:

Appearance: small for her age, white, ethnically german, chanel pink hair, blue eyes.

Age: 10

Personality: bold, insecure, naive, loyal, rebel, needy of affection but does not admit it

Area of greatest ability: alchemy (sometimes goes to the Knights to play with Klee and watches Sucrose and Albedo work)

Likes: alongating her body, snow, canned food, messing with alchemy and culinary, pursuing butterflies, hunting, fish

Dislikes: alcohol, drunk people, veggies, being frustrated

Fears/triggers: when Draff is drunk, wine smell, being around drunk clients on the bar all on mews on

Kins: cats, tsundere characters, pink, hot chocolat, coffee, hunter characters, furry

Family: Diluc, Kaeya (found family older brothers) Adelinde (adoptive aunt) Venti (found family parent)

Friends: Klee, Mika, Qiqi, Yaoyao, Jean, Sayu, Nahida, Sigewinne, Paimon

Disabilities: diabetes, anxiety disorder

Belief: believes Barbatos with not very specific practices.

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Name: Rosaria

Gender: trans woman, she/her

Pictures of Character:

Appearance: very tall, thin, pale, short ginger hair, black eyes, eyebags, has lots of scars through her body

Age: 30

Sexuality: aroace

Personality: dark, sincere, just, lazy, usually calm unless provoked, very protective, procrastinates a lot, can be very agressive

Area of greatest ability: Fighting

Likes: wine, dandelions, beef, resting, sleeping, blood smell, the night

Dislikes: loud noises, criminals, doing her chores, sweets, praying

Fears/triggers: being touched, children being abused

Kins: gothic characters

Family: Razor (adoptive lil sibling) Barbara (found family lil sister) Varka (found family father)

Relationship status: single

Friends: Venti, Kaeya, Mona, Lisa, Diluc, Shenhe

Disabilities: autistic, anemic

Belief: does not care about religion at all, does not consider herself as anything

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Name: Diluc Ragnvindr

Gender: trans man, he/him

Pictures of Character:

Appearance: ethnically german, pale, white, long ginger hair, brown eyes, has many scars

Age: 25

Sexuality: aroace

Personality: introvert, grumpy, just, sincere, protective, likes kids even though he doesn’t seem to, way too proud in many situations

Area of greatest ability: chemicals

Likes: grape juice, birds, pieces of art, kids

Dislikes: lying, betrayal, knights, wine, rain

Fears/triggers: dragons, rainy nights, cold, death

Kins: flames, art, warm colors, grapes, Birds

Family: Crepus (biological dad) Kaeya (adoptive younger brother) Adelinde (found family mom) Jean, Albedo, Fischl, Klee, Bennett, Razor, Barbara, Hu Tao, Qiqi, Diona (found family siblings)

Relationship status: single

Friends: Rosaria, Venti, Zhongli, Eula, Neuvillette, Ayato, Thoma, Alhaitham, Xiao

Disabilities: autistic, depression, chronic migraines, chronic stomach aches, gets medicine with Albedo

Belief: believes Barbatos in a way that resembles jewish beliefs

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Name: Mona Megistus

Gender: trans woman, she/star/night/galaxy/constellation

Pictures of Character:

Appearance: romani, dark skin, tall, thin, brown eyes, black hair in two ponytails

Age: 19

Sexuality: lesbian

Personality: proud, inattentive, curious, demands a lot from others and starself, loyal, very caring but too insecure to show it

Area of greatest ability: astronomy and astrology

Likes: the stars, studying, gazing at drawings, free stuff, salad, roleplaying with Fischl

Dislikes: expensive food, having no mora, being scolded by Barbeloth

Fears/triggers: being stuck somewhere, being yelled at

Kins: galaxy, stars, constellations, tarot.

Family: Barbeloth (found family grandmother) Fischl (biological cousin)

Relationship status: single

Friends: Kazuha, Xinyan, Albedo, Kaeya, Klee, Lisa, Venti, Lyney

Disabilities: bipolar disorder, anxiety, ADHD, diabetes, gets medicine with Albedo

Belief: has a wild kaleidoskope of beliefs around deities from all over Teyvat, considers nightself as pagan.

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Name: Venti/Barbatos

Gender: nonbinary, they/them

Pictures of Character:

Appearance: ethnically german, white, pale, small, black and light green hair usually braided, light green eyes

Age: chronologically 2938, physically 19

Sexuality: aroace

Personality: relaxed, playful, musical, poet-like, does not let go of past, very parental in secret

Area of greatest ability: music

Likes: all forms of art, lyre, alcohol, apples, singing, cecilias, playing around with their kids

Dislikes: being around cats, when the wind is not blowing, cheese, Celestia

Fears/triggers: letting their loved ones die, being weak, the heavenly principles

Kins: does not has kins as they are the embodyments of the concepts they’d kin, but support their children who do

Family: Mondstadt people (found family children) Zhongli (found family uncle) Xiao (found family cousin)

Relationship status: single

Friends: Hu Tao, Ganyu, Xianyun, Xinyan, Kazuha, Heizou, Faruzan, Lynette, Sayu, Wanderer, Nahida, Ei, Miko, Furina, Neuvillette

Disabilities: autistic, arthritis, dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD, almost always uses their anemo power to make it easier for their joints while they walk

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Name: Klee

Gender: trans girl, she/kaboom

Pictures of Character:

Appearance: ethnically german, white, pale, blonde hair she usually keeps in two buns, long ears, chubby, brown-to-red eyes

Age: 9

Personality: explosive, extroverted, kind, helpful, impulsive, energic, naive, lovely

Area of greatest ability: mechanics

Likes: adventuring, exploding things, creating bombs, knights, lizards, fluffy things, playing with kabooms friends, drawing

Dislikes: being alone, crabs, being grounded

Fears/triggers: not seeing her mom again, losing Albedo

Kins: sparkles, knights, explosions.

Family: Alice (biological mom) Albedo (adoptive older brother) Kaeya, Diluc, Qiqi, Diona, Hu Tao, Zhongli, Ajax, Xiao (found family siblings)

Friends: Yaoyao, Nahida, Sayu, Sigewinne, Bennett, Razor, Fischl, Mona, Jean, Lisa, Itto, Yoimiya, Thoma, Amber, Noelle, Venti

Disabilities: autistic, hyperactive, HoH

Belief: believes Barbatos and has been raised around catholic-like and jewish-like practices, incorporating both on her day-to-day life.

[hauntedselves]

Proposed Diagnostic Criteria for Daydreaming Disorder (Maladaptive Daydreaming)

A. Persistent and recurrent fantasy activity that is vivid and fanciful, as indicated by the individual exhibiting two (or more) of the following in a 6-month period; at least one of these should be Criterion 1:

While daydreaming, experiences an intense sense of absorption/immersion that includes visual, auditory, or affective properties

Daydreaming is triggered, maintained, or enhanced with exposure to music

Daydreaming is triggered, maintained, or enhanced with exposure to stereotypical movement (e.g., pacing, rocking, hand movements)

Often daydreams when feels distressed or bored

Daydreaming length or intensity intensifies in the absence of others (e.g., daydreams more when alone)

Is annoyed when unable to daydream or when daydreaming is interrupted or curbed

Would rather daydream than engage in daily chores, social, academic, or professional activities

Has made repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop daydreaming

B. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

C. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., dementia) and is not better explained by autism spectrum disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, schizophrenia spectrum disorders, bipolar I disorder, obsessive–compulsive and related disorders, dissociative identity disorder, substance-related and addictive disorders, an organic disorder, or a medical condition.

Note. Current severity defined as follows: Mild - experiences mainly distress, no obvious functional impairment; moderate - one area of functioning is affected (e.g., work); severe - more than area of functioning is affected (e.g., work, school or social life) (p. 180).

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MD is associated with social anxiety and addiction (particularly internet addiction) (p. 177), as well as dissociation, obsessive-compulsive behaviour, and inattention / attention deficit (p. 181).

People who seek treatment for MD are misdiagnosed with a variety of conditions; "...professionals were unfamiliar with their problem and provided various diagnoses, including depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, and dissociative disorder" (p. 178).

"MD is uniquely characterized by a kinesthetic component, a need for evocative music, and an addictive yearning to compulsively engage in this mental behavior" (p. 184).

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From Somer et al., 'Maladaptive Daydreaming: Proposed Diagnostic Criteria and Their Assessment With a Structured Clinical Interview', Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice (2017), Vol. 4, No. 2, pp. 176-189. DOI: 10.1037/cns0000.

Another interesting & related article is Somer et al., 'Representations of Maladaptive Daydreaming and the Self: A Qualitative Analysis of Drawings', The Arts in Psychotherapy (2019), Vol. 63, pp. 102-110. DOI: 10.1016/j.aip.2018.12.004.