#But I use day dreaming and/or brain storming about my stories to sleep right?

[theskeletoninthegarden]

I cracked the code for day dreaming before bed. I imagine my WIPs in modern day, drama free, coffee shop or whatever AUs, and I'm good

[nokiatelava]

✿✿After The Storm✿✿

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Author’s Note!- This is my first time writing a story and even think about posting it! Please understand that it might not be the best as I am still trying! (the warnings probably don’t even make sense)

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Summary- The past few months of your life have been at the lowest they’ve ever been. Feeling lost, with the thought no one was really there for you drove you mad, causing you to distance yourself from your family. The ones you love. But they came to your rescue to comfort you through your hardships.

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Warnings- mentions of depression, mentions of anxiety, mentions of wanting to self-inflict pain, begging (for her life), nightmares, wannabe angst, comfort (my heart is to sensitive)

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧❁❁❁❁‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

You don’t know why you feel like this. The feeling it’s, it’s hard to describe. You’re here, you feel yourself here, you know you are here.

But you feel so far away… You feel, numb and lost.

All you felt was confusion, never knowing where anything was, what was going on. You were a mess 24/7. It made you feel useless. You were never used to feeling so gone. Having these feelings caused thoughts that made you feel worse. More insecure.

These thoughts were getting in the way of your life. How could you feel so useless although you had things to do? You had people to take care of, your family.

You had a place in your family, in the clan. You had a role, so how did you still feel so useless? You were losing your focus during the day. Your nights were shortening day by day. The thoughts would seep into your brain, picking at the deepest parts of your memories.

The few minutes of sleep you had were filled with terror. The things you saw, the scenes that played out. Memories from war, exaggerated to points of alternate endings, pain, family, it was always slipping in your ‘dreams’. The subjects left you with your eyes wide open at night. Looking, watching, protecting your family at hours where your family was supposed to relax and let the stress of the days fade away.

Though for you it felt as if the stress was increasing. You watched them, looking at their sleeping peaceful faces for hours, recognizing their breathing patterns as ‘safety precautions’. An excuse you used to reassure yourself as not being creepy.

You were the oldest. The oldest sister. The first child. The first baby. You were born to protect.

Deep in your mind you knew you only watched them because you wanted them to be safe. Sleeping makes you vulnerable, you have to be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Hm. Those words sound so… familiar.

“Don’t be vulnerable, at all. Keep your eyes open, and be aware of your surroundings at all times.”

And there you were. Y/n Sully, at the ripe age of 14, sitting in a war meeting listening to your fathers plan and motivational speech right before a raid.

It was terrifying. Hearing all these big words, half you didn’t understand, half you knew you could not pronounce after hearing it once even if you tried.

It made you nervous, the scenarios your father was describing were all gruesome, supposed outcomes that would happen if something were to go wrong.

Your father, Jake Sully, was talking at a pace that was hard to catch up with, the words flowing out his mouth so simply it confused you.

Now it was hitting you, your body started to feel all hot and bothered, squirming lightly in your seat to make it look as if you were only adjusting yourself comfortably on the thick wooden chair.

You squinted your eyes, staring deeply at your fathers mouth to see if any of the words would somehow start to flow together correctly.

But they didn’t. They never did.

Your vision started to double now, your ears muffling out as a ringing started to settle in your ears. All you could see was your fathers mouth just moving, and moving, and moving.

A small gasp rang in the air of the hut. It was quiet, the only sounds being a few small snores and shuffling from limb twitches every few seconds.

Your eyes were now open, once again. Your eyes could now only look around at the ceiling of your hut. Your ears twitching to every sound that was produced.

That dream… It was somewhat normal tonight? Although it did get you a bit nervous and quite overstimulated, you thought more about it. That happened 3 years ago. 3 years ago you were only 14, just 14 but already experiencing the world of war, and of danger.

Now you were 17. What a big number..

14 and 17, they sound so different it looks like such a big gap, but they’re not. Just three years ago being 14 you would still be counted as a baby not a teenager.

But now since you are to say you are 17, people see you as an adult, someone who is of age and needs adult duties. Oh how you wished to 14 or younger again.

To relish in the way people still treated you like a child and called you baby.

A loud snore is heard to your left, you are suddenly out of this type of trance. And realize you sat up, ignoring that, you turn your head to look to your left.

Just to see nobody but the All Mighty Lo’ak, spread eagle with his mouth wide open. Light gurgles, groans and snores are all that is heard from his open mouth.

You smile warmly at your youngest brothers antics, remembering what it was like to sleep so long at night.

Now your eyes burn, irritated, red and itchy all day long from your lack of sleep. Moving your eyes to look around caused your sockets to ache.

Thin, bright red veins crawl around your sclera. You thought at one point your thick lashes covered them up fine when all of this started happening.

But your inflamed eyes stood out like sore thumbs. You gained deep, dark circles right below your eyes that didn’t help you with your lashes “cover up”.

The people around you, your family, all noticed. Of course they did, how could they not? They see you everyday, they see your face everyday. So it was only a matter of time wasn’t it?

When all of, this, first started with you, everyone was worried. Your silence.. Was almost sickening. They weren’t used to it, you being so quiet, when most of the time they would all be able to hear your voice in the background.

Whether you were talking to someone in the hut, or yourself, which they found so normal. But when you stopped talking to them and yourself..

All they could feel was stress settle into their bones, the stress caused anxiety filled thoughts to meddle into their heads about you.

The constant ‘are you okay’s?’, being asked so much more frequently than before started to annoy you.

You loved your family. You loved them so, so much. But when they would ask you that same question over and over and over again it made you feel… nervous?

It always felt like as if you couldn’t speak. Your tongue feels 10 tons of lead as you open your mouth to speak. Your throat feels as if there was needles poking in your esophagus anytime you took a breathe to start speaking.

Your body felt like it was eating away at its self from the inside to out. It felt like a void, a black hole was setting in your body and was slowly starting to expand before it would eventually, swallow you whole.

There was another shuffle from the bed rolls placed in the hut. It sounded closer and much more, eager?

Y/n’s head turned to her right quickly, seeing her fathers silhouette start to sit up. Her eyes widened as she quickly laid herself down, closing her burning eyes and slowing her breathing.

She’s gotten away with this before, she’s the best pretend sleeper there is. She heard her father groan as he stretched and yawned, and that’s when it hit her.

The sounds of the birds and different animals chirping out sounded in the distance. Y/n’s eyes widened once more.

‘Just how long had she been awake?’

She closed her eyes, hoping for some type of miracle of sleep to take her into slumber. But of course, it never happened.

She heard the process of her father getting up, then, he gently shook her mother awake. Both of them exchanging a morning kiss that was very audible.

‘Gross.’

That’s the last thing she wanted to hear. We’ll sort of, it could have been worse.

But, in a reformed order, she waited for the dawn chorus to get more of a melody before she “woke up”, which was when she always woke up in the morning.

As the creatures sang and chirped louder, Y/n shuffled on her sleeping mat, rising slowly while rubbing her eyes and yawning. Jake and Neytiri smiled towards her.

“Good morning babygirl.” Jake said as he rose out of his mat stiffly, waddling towards Y/n to give her a kiss on her forehead.

“G’morning dad.” Y/n was able to force a raspy voice to submerge herself more into the act that she “just woke up”. “Good morning ma’ite” Neytiri’s sultry voice spoke towards Y/n.

Y/n looked towards her mother, “Good morning mama.” Y/n said with a small smile. Her parents soft words made her feel like a little kid again, remembering when they lived high in the trees deep into the forest of Pandora. Small tears brewed in the corner of her eyes before she blinked them away.

“Today, is not a busy day. You and everyone else, including me and your father don’t have much to do. Call it and ‘off day’ if you will.” Y/n’s ears perked up. Off day? No plans or revisions? No raiding or hunting?

“Oh… We’ll that’s nice. I might go into the forest later. Forage some herbs for grandmother, and grab fruit for us?” Y/n looked towards her parents, a questioning look on her face as she non-verbally asked for permission.

“That’ll be fine ma’ite. Very much appreciated from us and your grandmother.” Neytiri spoke, Jake was still tired, his eyes narrowed in exhaustion as he sat on their mat slouched. The small rolls on his stomach bunching as his pudge was poked out.

Y/n always thought her fathers stomach looked funny but cute, besides a baby’s stomach of course. Although his and a baby’s could be close in comparison.

As the morning stretched on, all of her siblings began to awake as the sun went higher in the sky. Neytiri was now making breakfast, some fruits that were freshly picked, by you.

You all sat at the table, legs crossed as you ate the slices of fruit off the large banana leaves, which were also picked by you.

You were quite the forager, and warrior which always shocked people. They always wonder how you balance training non-stop, but forage herbs and pick fruits.

Breakfast was as it usually is. Your siblings somehow managing to bicker as they stuffed their faces of the sweet fruit.

“Lo’ak! Can you just shut up!” Kiri yelled as she finished swallowing a piece of her fruit.

“You want me to shut up!? How about you!? You’re so annoying!” Lo’ak’s words were muffled as he tried to keep the piece of fruit in his mouth.

“Hey! Both of you. Knock it off.” Your father’s authoritative voice quickly cut off any type of rebuttal Kiri planned on making.

“And Lo’ak, you know you talk with no food in your mouth. Especially at a table!” Tuk spoke to Lo’ak with a giggle in her voice.

“Yeah I know…” Lo’ak mumbled.

While all that happened you thought of what you were going to do today. Since it was an “off day” you thought it might be a good time to finally talk to the person you’ve been begging to see.

Eywa, The All Great Mother.

She would help you. You knew this. She helps everyone, you’ve been meaning to talk to her for a while.

You chewed on your cheek nervously as you thought of when it would be a good time to leave, and what to say once you get to the Tree of Souls.

“Y/n?” A small voice faded into your ears as you were snapped out of your trance. “Hm?” You responded quickly as you looked down to your left.

Tuk was looking up at you, a hopeful look in her eyes as she stared at you.

“What do you plan on doing today? Can you hang out with us? Please!” She wrapped her arms around your forearm as she clung to you. You smiled down at her as you put a hand on her head.

“I’ll hang out with you guys, I just have something to do before I can.” You responded calmly as you stroked Tuk’s head.

“Do you have toooo?…” Tuk whined out as she pushed her face against your arm. “I would call it important. Maybe it has something to do with you… I don’t know though.” You shrugged as you made a questioning tone.

Tuk’s head shot up to look into your face. “Something for me? Do it! You can go do it!” She shook your arm as she grew excited.

One thing about Tuk, she loved gifts. Or any type of surprise that she could keep. So you made sure to remember to bring something back for Tuk.

“Well… I should be heading out now then, no?” You looked towards your parents for permission. When they nodded, you did too before rising to your feet, your body bent sideways as Tuk still had herself wrapped against your arm.

“Hurry back okay? Please! I want to play with you!” With a begrudging look on her face, Tuk slowly let go of your arm.

“I won’t be gone for long Tuk, I promise!” You raised your hands in surrender as you started to walk out the hut.

“Bye guys, behave for mom and dad while I’m gone!” You turned back as you waved. Hearing small and quick “byes” and “we will” before you sent yourself off into the forest.

Once you were on the grounds of the forest, you walked through the thick trees that outlined the clearing to the Tree of Souls.

Your body became fidgety as you got closer. Swallowing thickly as a lump started to form in your throat.

The tall stature of the tree intimidated you. The light pink tendrils swaying with the small breeze that passed by sent almost a comforting blanket of air as you became less nervous growing closer to the tree.

As you approached the trunk of the tree, kneeling down you grabbed your queue from the back of your head before you reached out gently grabbing a small bundle of the tree’s tendrils.

You took a deep breathe before you connected yourself to the tree, making tsaheylu.

A bright light enveloped your vision as you closed your eyes, a warmth washed over your body as you ‘seen’ the silhouette of what seemed to be a young Na’vi woman.

“Y/n, my dear child.. Why do you come to me?” The light yellow silhouette was now closer in front of you. Resting what felt like a warm motherly hand on your cheek.

“Great Mother… I-I am here to ask you a few things… I do not question your will, or the fate you decide. But I am wondering, why do I feel like this? Why does my body hurt all the time? Why can’t I just function normally with my family?”

Tears started to spill down your cheeks as you shot the questions out desperately like wildfire. You just wanted an answer. You feel as if you are not worth anything anymore.

“Oh Y/n.. Let it out, child. Cry and ask all the questions you want.” The woman that was speaking to you had to be Eywa. She was so warm as she held you close to her, her voice smooth with a soft tone.

“Great Mother help me please! I feel so gone, I have thought of hurting my own self just to know that I am real.. I don’t want to feel like this anymore… Please help me, I’ll do anything..” Your voice was soft as you begged quietly. Leaning into the hand on your face and warm body that stood in front of you.

“Do not fret child.. You will be saved, you are loved. Do not ever forget that. Everyone, is here for you.” Her soft hands caressed both of your cheeks as she leaned forward.

You were only able to get a glance of the features on her illuminated face. And oh, was she beautiful. It was the most divine thing you’ve ever seen.

A small smile broke out onto your face at her soft affirmations, nodding slightly in appreciation of her kind words.

“Thank you Great Mother.” You could see the white of her teeth as a smile appeared on her face.

She pulled you in closely to give you a hug. And it was the best one ever yet. The feeling of security, and happiness welded into your heart and spread through your body.

The feeling was nostalgic as it was the same feeling you always had when you were a young girl. Living in the trees of the forest with your parents and younger siblings.

“You’re welcome, my child…”

After that, the bright light appeared again before quickly fading out into black before you opened your eyes.

Your face was wet with tears and you panted at the greatest spiritual experience you’ve ever felt.

“Oh Great Mother…” You said once more before disconnecting your queue from the tree. Your body felt eccentric, a calm but brewing excitement was in your stomach.

You stood and began to turn away from the tree, walking back into the ones that outlined the clearing.

As you continued to walk back, you remembered. Something for Tuk, the herbs for grandmother, and fruit you wanted to pick.

You shut your eyes as you remembered you still had quite the stuff to do. Deciding to just try and get over it quickly, you did them in order.

In the end, you ended up with eight flower crowns, herbs you remember your grandmother needed to restock on, and fruits that were ripe enough for you and your family.

Now not just Tuk was getting a flower crown, but everybody was.

Once you were back to High Camp, your hands and arms full as you walked to your grandmother’s tent.

Once you were at the entrance to the tent, you spoke quietly, “grandmother? Are you in here?” Peeking in slightly, you saw your grandmother in the corner of the tent, rummaging through the drawers she left her herbs in.

She turned to look at you, a smile growing on her face. “Yes, yes I am here paskalin, come.” She waved her hand in a motion that told you to enter the tent. And you did.

“I was in the forest, and I decided I would grab some herbs I remembered you needing. Oh, and I made you this too.” You explained before showing her the flower crown you made for her.

“Oh yawntutsyìp, it’s beautiful, and thank you so much for the herbs. Come here.” She stood as she went forward and embraced you. You were completely joyed with the second hug you received today.

“It’s alright grandma. No need to thank me, it’s what I have to do, and what I should do.” She smiled as she kissed the top of your head.

“We all don’t deserve you, you are the sweetest girl I’ve met.” Your grandmother pulled your face back ash she decided to pepper it with kisses, like when you were a baby.

“Grandmother! Don’t do that! I’m not a baby no more and that tickles now!” You held onto her forearms as you tried to lower our her grasp, but she laughed and left a few more before she let you go.

“Okay, okay. But I do not promise that I won’t do it again.” She pointed at you with a smile. You gave her one back before you gathered all your other belongs and left. Now heading to your hut.

As you were at the entrance, you heard light conversations, your ears twitching forward as you heard the familiar six voices.

When you walked in, it felt as if all eyes snapped to you, a small silence adorning the hut before you spoke quietly, shuffling farther into your home.

“Hi guys..” It wasn’t long before Tuk shot up from the ground, her tail wagging as she ran to you.

“Y/n! You’re back! Did you do what you needed to do?” There was an eager look in her eyes as she looked at you, being expectant that you may have gotten something for her.

“I did. And here’s this.” You spoke with a smile as you placed the flower crown on her head. She jumped up and down in excitement before taking it off to look at all the flowers and their pretty colors before putting it back on her head.

“Thank you Y/n, thank you! I love it so much!” Tuk smushed her face against your stomach and wrapped her arms around your legs. Smiling more now, you rubbed her head and her back in soothing way before she let go of your legs.

Once she let you go you walked over to all your othe family members who were still gathered calmly at the table.

“And this is for you guys.” You felt shy as you passed around the flower crowns to your family at the table, a small purple blush settling on your cheeks as your skin felt warm.

“This is so pretty Y/n, thank you!” Kiri spoke as she placed hers on her head.

Lo’ak spoke next, “thank you sis, it’s really pretty.” When you looked over at him he already had it on his head, a bigger smile broke out onto your face.

“It is lovely ma’ite, thank you.” Your mother was next, then your father. “It’s beautiful babygirl, thank you.”

“Thank you a lot big sis, I really like it.” Neteyam was last but not least, you backed up as you looked at your family, happy as they all collectively wore what you made them.

“You’re Welcome guys.. You don’t have to thank me, it’s the least I could do.” You shuffled with the last flower crown in your hands.

“Least? You’re always doing the best for us, I mean I’m pretty sure nobody has a better older sister than us. Like come on, your the coolest.” Lo’ak raised his hands as he complimented you. Your family around all nodding and talking in agreement.

“Y/n, did you make one for yourself too?” Tuk asked as she looked at you.

“Well I made an extra one just in case someone lost theirs but I wasn’t planning one for me, no.” You answered question honestly, you never wear the trinkets you make unless someone forces you to because you never want to.

“Y/n. Put that flower crown on now.” Tuk put her hand on her hip as she gave you her sassiest tone. Your eyes widened at her sudden change in behavior before laughing and putting the crown on your head.

“You look beautiful syulang, the colors look perfect on you.” Your dad’s sudden compliment threw you off a bit, but not to much, he’s always saying something nice.

“Thank you dad.” You said with a light smile.

Tuk perked up as she remembered you were all supposed to go out into the forest, and she was going to make you go regardless of what you say.

“Okay, so can we all go now to the forest? Y/n your going,” she wasn’t asking you either, more so demanding that you go with all your siblings.

“Fine, fine! I was planning on going anyway Tuk, relax!” And that’s exactly what she did, sort of.

“Okay then come on come on let’s go!” You and the rest of your siblings all shuffled up to follow along after Tuk, going to make your way to the forest below.

Once all of you were on the forest floor, conversations erupted between everybody. You were brought into most if not all the small debates and bickers your siblings would have.

Tuk, not entertaining the incessant topics, hopped around as she interacted with all the different plants in the forest, giggling non-stop at all the plants reactions, or movements to her touch and presence.

You kept your eye on Tuk, just to make sure she wouldn’t drift off or touch the wrong thing. She was still so young anything could happen in the blink of an eye.

Which was bound to happen as you seen Tuk approach a txumtsä’wll, a poison-squirting plant. A very dangerous plant, labeled as one of the most dangerous if you don’t pay attention to how close you are to it.

“Tuk! Don’t touch that!” The panic in your body set and rose as Tuk’s hands and face were only mere inches away from the plant, she looked over at you in confusion as you quickly made your way towards her, pulling her quickly by her wrist away from it.

You ran quickly, a bit farther from where your siblings stood, a txumtsä’wll is such a huge plant, you don’t know how you didn’t notice it before.

Just then as your sibling jogged closer to you, a bit scared at your reaction towards the plant, the poison shot out. Hitting a tree that was right across from it. The poison deteriorated the tree, burning through the bark and sinking deeper into it.

Tuk stood in absolute terror as she saw what happened to the tree. Pandora is a dangerous place, though it is home to the beautifulest of plants and people, it has its parts and aspects that are the exact opposite. Killer plants and na’vi exiles that traverse the planet puts dread in your heart, making it feel more heavy.

You looked down at Tuk, turning her away from the mutilated tree, rubbing her hands subconsciously as if you were scrubbing them.

“Tuk, Tuk you didn’t touch it did you? You didn’t touch it right?” Your voice was strained as you hope to hear her say no.

“No… No i didn’t touch it…” Her voice was quiet, but you kneeled answer hugged her as a way to comfort her nerves as well as yours. You let out a breathe you didn’t know you were holding as soon as she wrapped her arms back around you too.

You picked Tuk up, holding her head against the crook of your neck and continuing to walk. The rest of your siblings decided to ignore what happened and continue to chitter as you walked.

That was before Lo’ak decided to look into the sky and notice how eclipse was more than closely about to settle in.

“Shit-“

“Language.”

“Eclipse!”

You all paused in your walking all throwing your heads back to look up and see how eclipse was gonna happen.

“Oh shit, shit shit shit! Come on!” You rambled as you turned back the other way and technically started running back home.

“Just how long have we been out here?” Kiri asked as you all still ran, Tuk still in your arms. “I thought we were hitting an hour soon not two or three!” You said as you panted, it would be better to call your ikran now and just fly home.

“We should call for our ikran, we’ll get home quicker and have more breathing space from curfew.” You said as you stopped, panting as you turned towards your siblings.

They nodded and immediately started calling for their ikran, and you did the same. Soon, you heard the familiar screeches of the precious beasts. Once they were on the ground you all settled onto your respective ikran, Tuk sitting in front of you, before you all set off, flying home.

You were all able to successfully reach home, just in time for curfew.

The five of you rushed into your hut, chests heaving as some of you bent down, slumped as you took in the much needed air.

Your parents’ attention turned towards all of you immediately, ears and eyes observing.

“What happened? Are you all okay?” Your father was the first to speak. Standing and walking over to you all, he grasped your shoulders first, his eyes held heavy with worry.

“Y/n.. what happened?” You panted a bit more before stuttering out your answer,

“W-we just wanted to make it h-home on time *huff* within curfew.” Your father visibly relaxed, a small smile coming on his face as he let out a light chuckle, your mother fanned the food with a smile on her face also.

“We’ll you all made it back just on time, come, sit. It is time to eat.” Lo’ak almost threw himself on the table, settling in his spot around the table.

“Jesus Lo’ak how greedy can you be? You almost destroyed the whole table!” Kiri exclaimed, annoyed by her brothers gluttonous actions.

“Shut up Kiri! Gosh! Can’t do anything without you bellyaching like a baby!” Lo’ak quickly responded back with his own comments.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t be bellyaching like a baby if you didn’t act like one either! You act like you’re five! Grow the he-!” “Kiri..” You gently placed your hand against her shoulder, smiling playfully.

“Calm down, let’s not fight and just enjoy dinner okay? You’re fine.” You turned your head towards Lo’ak, who was sitting with his arms crossed against his chest as he held a childish pout on his face.

“Lo’ak, you’re fine too, we know you’re hungry, eat.”

“He’s always hungry-“

“Kiri!” You squeezed her shoulder a bit tighter before you ended up ushering all your siblings to just sit and eat.

Dinner passed by slowly, which you were grateful for. Today, it felt like you had a new chance at life once more. You talked all throughout dinner, conversing with your parents and siblings about your day out. You all laughed as you brought up all the weird looking plants and funny acting animals you seen while adventuring.

Once dinner was finished, your body felt warm and full with the food that was held within your stomach, a hazy feeling in your head that felt to similarly to the feeling of nostalgia.

A small smile was etched onto your face as you helped clean up the table, though against your mother’s own protests.

Now it was time for all of you to go to sleep, you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous. Only feeling as if you would be granted the blessing of sleep if you hoped and prayed.

You were now all settled into your sleeping mats, shuffling to get comfortable and saying goodnight, everyone began to close their eyes as the activities of the day finally made their bodies feel spent.

You were on your side, your front facing towards where your parents slept, you smiled as you seen the way your mother’s back was pressed against your father’s chest, his arm draped across her as they laid close together.

That was the only thing you looked forward to once you became older. Finding yourself the true love you’ve always wanted, a relationship healthy and full of love. Like your parents.

You adjusted your body to where you were now on your back, staring up to the ceiling of the hut, a warm blush enveloping your face as you thought of yourself having kids.

You calmed your mind so you wouldn’t get excited and chase your sleep away, your eyelids felt heavy, a good heavy as you felt the long-awaited feeling of sleep finally catch up to you.

Your eyes shut as you felt yourself fall into the world of your own slumber, alas, having the best dream of your life.

Author’s Note - Hi again! If you made it this far all i want to say is thank you for even reading! I don’t like this all that much but i feel so proud of myself for even finishing it and not just deleting it! But once again if you even read all of this, thank you so much 🤍!

[astra90x]

Flufftober Day 1 - Wearing Each Other’s Clothes

@flufftober

Welcome to Day 1 of my Flufftober prompts! This year, I’ll be doing one long Sebastian (from Stardew Valley) x Reader, with each prompt as a chapter in a larger story! They can be enjoyed separately but are better as a whole. Let’s get right into it!

Fandom: Stardew Valley

Pairing: Sebastian x Reader

Word Count: 1026

Reader pronouns: She/Her

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Going to the saloon on a Friday night and drowning your sorrow in a few beers should be considered a type of therapy. 

Don’t worry, you don’t consider yourself an alcoholic by any means, but when crows peck away a good chunk of your crops, the mines have been even more full of monsters than usual, and you haven’t slept more than four hours every day in the last week, you feel like you deserve a little bit of a break. Luckily, your friend, Elliott, had been more than happy to take you out for the night and also promised to keep himself sober to get you home safe. He truly is a great friend, and as the second newest person in Pelican Town behind yourself, you also feel good knowing that he relates to the struggles you’re going through. Trying to start a completely different life in a new town is tough.

You request another beer from Gus after you’ve drained your second one, already feeling the effects but wanting a little more to really force yourself to relax. Not enough to get you hungover in the morning (Yoba knows you don’t need that on top of all your other problems) but enough to distract yourself from anything other than the fun you’re having with Elliott. He is great company, after all. 

It’s about twenty-five minutes later when you figure you’ve had enough, though. Sleep deprivation was on that list of problems, so right now, the most appealing thing to you would be to head home, crawl into your comfy sheets, and sleep until next week. Not like you actually could, but it’s nice to dream. 

“Don’t forget your coat,” Elliott reminds you as you push your stool in and start heading toward the door. The sound of pounding rain on the windows reminds you of the storm going on outside, and while it’s a bit too humid and hot to be wearing anything on your arms, you’d rather suffer in the heat than deal with the sheets of rain pouring from the skies outside. 

You stumbled over to the coat hooks on the wall of the saloon, where most of the patrons had left their jackets, and you awkwardly fumble through them until you find one that feels like yours. Yanking it out of the mass of coats, you start to put it on over your head, not even stopping to think about the fact that your jacket is a zip-up instead of a pullover. 

The coat is fully on over your head before your intoxicated brain realizes that it isn’t even a coat at all; it’s a hoodie. Dark purple and large enough that the sleeves fully cover your hands, right to the tips of your fingers. 

“This isn’t mine,” you say to yourself, but you still make no effort to remove the hoodie. It’s warm, after all. And cozy. You like cozy. 

“I believe that’s mine, actually.” At first, you’re not sure where the voice is coming from, but finally, you spot Sebastian—along with Sam and Abigail—standing over by the arcade machines. Sebastian is wearing a t-shirt, a sight you really aren’t used to, but you suppose that the rain outside was probably enough to drench his hoodie and make him want to remove it upon entering the saloon. 

“Oh,” is all you can manage to say at first. Then, “Oh!” as true realization sets in. “I am so sorry!” It’s bad enough that you’ve mistakenly taken (and put on!) an article of clothing belonging to someone else, but it’s even worse knowing that the sweater belongs to Sebastian, one of the residents of Pelican Town that you’ve interacted with the least. 

   Luckily, Sebastian doesn’t seem to care as much as you thought he might have, especially since this hoodie is basically his staple. He just stands there, watching with an amused smile, as you try in a drunken stupor to pull the hoodie back off. 

“You know what,” he says, after watching you try and fail to remove it for about twenty seconds straight. “Why don’t you just keep it for now?” 

You struggle to pull your head back through the neck of the hoodie, where you had gotten lost in the sea of it, and as soon as your eyes are exposed enough to let you see Sebastian, you ask, “Are you sure?” 

Sebastian doesn’t answer, but he turns to the coat hooks and rummages through the jackets for a second before pulling out yours. “This one belongs to you, right?”

You nod. 

“Then how about I wear it for now, and we’ll trade back when I see you next?” Sebastian tugs the coat on, grinning a little to himself when he sees that the sleeves are about an inch too short. Even so, it doesn’t look bad on him, and he still seems amused by the situation, so you simply nod and he nods back in confirmation. 

“I’m still sorry for taking your hoodie,” you say. Alcohol may result in bad decisions, but it doesn’t block out guilt. 

Sebastian opens his mouth to respond, but Abigail interjects before he can. “Don’t be sorry, (Y/N). Seb needed an excuse to get out of that thing for once, it’s like a second skin for him.” 

Sebastian shoots Abigail a dirty look, but she defends herself by saying, “I’m right, you know!” 

“She does have a point,” adds Sam. Sebastian rolls his eyes. 

“Whatever. I’m out of it now. At least until (Y/N) and I happen to bump into each other again.” He turns his gaze to you and gives you a warm look. Not quite a smile, but still something almost fond. 

You awkwardly flash him a thumbs-up. 

C’mon, drunk (Y/N), even you should know better than that.

“We should be going before the storm gets even worse,” says Elliott, taking a glance out the window at the sheets of rain hitting the street. “Are you all ready, (Y/N)?”

“Um, yeah, I think I am,” you reply. Taking one last look at Sebastian, you mouth Thank you before turning and departing out into the rain with Elliott.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

[multidimensional-views]

Don’t Let Fear Stop You From Dreaming

Since I was a little girl, I never wanted to differentiate reality from fantasy. Why couldn’t we fill our lives with as much magic as these fairytales? Why, in comparison, does everything have to be so…black and white.

As children, we see the world for its true worth. Alive. Beautiful.

Not as a breeding ground for financial advancement- and without this external delusion- we are nothing.

Have you ever been told how we, as children, are more susceptible to “spirits”? I was always wary of this idea as a teenager, because who likes to think of anything, other than what we can see, as real, right?

Once I shed my ego-driven rebellion (I wish I’d have actually listened to my parents when they said I didn’t know anything about life) and opened up my mind to possibilities of the reality I knew, information just began to flood my mental library.

When we enter this world, we enter as is. We do not know what rules are, we do not know what the social construct is, and we do not know day from night yet.

Yet, we all grow hungry.

We all yearn for sleep.

We all cry for comfort.

Innately, we enter this world as the purest version of ourselves, connected to the highest level of consciousness, thus, naturally connected to the realm beyond.

I’m not a scientist.

I’m not a medium.

I’m just a human with an expansion of thoughts.

There used to be days, and nights, where my brain was so foggy, so thoughtless- almost as if on autopilot.

Just as life is beautiful- life is hard.

I never knew the difference between work and rest. Scrolling and hobbies. Happiness from anger.

I blamed life so much for all my problems: not enough money, not enough rest, not enough time.

NOT.

ENOUGH.

When would it ever be enough?

And I realized…

If I am enough, what more could I possibly need?

Learn to love yourself as much as the flowers love the Sun when they bloom.

Be at peace with where you are as much as the trees stand firm when they rejoice in the downpour of rain.

You can either cry in the storm or dance in the rain.

We all experience life differently and we all go through our trials and tribulations.

But one thing is for certain:

We are all human.

And I am here for you.

Hi, everyone! Think of this entry as a little prequel to all the fun, and extra-ordinary, things I want to write about. I’m just a girl who loves to read, research, and think about the concepts behind a concept. I’ve always dreamed of sharing my thoughts and stories to people, but I’ve always been fearful and anxious of how my thoughts may be perceived.

But shed the ego, shed the fucks to give!

Like my bio says, this entry might not be for you, but the next just might be.

Either way, I hope we can all band together as the grey humans of life.

[phoenixthemenace]

'That My Days Have Been A Dream' Day 8

DAY 8 Title: I Listen For Returning Feet- JRR Tolkien Prompt: Back From The Dead s2e18 'Seance'

It had been a bad run. One of those that lingers, clutching to the back of the brain, twisting and souring the stomach. This one hit Johnny particularly hard.

It wasn't like he'd never lost a patient. Even the way they died wasn’t new. But this one was different. It was too close to home.

Too close to his past.

He was sorry. Somewhere underneath everything he was trying not to feel- about his actions, his anger towards Cap, he was sorry. He wanted to apologize, to tell his story, to seek and receive comfort, but he'd held this all in so long he just didn't know how.

He'd hidden in the dorm, skipping dinner and the movie. They had one bizarre run to a house where a distraught woman was holding a seance to communicate with her late sister. As he watched the alleged medium storm irately from the house his mind wanted to think about what anyone he'd lost would have to say to him, but forced himself not to.

Back at the station, in his bunk, his hand throbbed from where he'd punched the squad earlier. Pain he knew he deserved. Besides, if he focused on that, it kept his thoughts from spiraling out of control. He hoped it would let him sink slowly into the oblivion of sleep

He heard Cap when he crept over to check on him, and he knew Roy was watching too. He tried to pretend he was asleep, but knew they all knew he was awake. Cap finally went to bed, and Roy's breathing evened off to sleep. He followed soon after.

He was alone on the open prairie, standing under the wide Montana sky, staring up, up into a blue so unbelievably deep and beautiful it never failed to take his breath away. Wind whipped his hair, and the sun warmed his back. Bright white clouds drifted lazily by dazzling his eyes.

He slowly became aware of a presence behind him, and turned to find his parents, back from the dead. He cried out and went to throw his arms around them, but his father held up his hand, stopping Johnny. He drank them in. They hadn't changed since the last time Johnny saw them, though he knew the passage of time had softened their edges in his memory.

They looked solemn, mouths turned down and eyes dark.

"Mom? Dad?" His voice cracked, a little boy on the edge of tears.

"You disappoint us, John." His father spoke.

"You've let us down." His mother's voice was devoid of warmth.

Johnny doubled over, the words hitting him like a physical blow.

"What?" He gasped. They didn't respond, just shook their heads, turned their backs and walked away, ignoring his pleas. His feet wouldn't respond to his desire to follow, and he eventually sank to his knees as his parents disappeared into the horizon.

He knew they were there before he turned his head. The parents from the earlier failed rescue. They stared at him with hatred and disgust.

"You let us die." He snarled.

"My babies are orphans because of you." She accused.

"You useless piece of shit."

"You should be ashamed."

"You should have died instead of us."

"Because there was a point to our existence."

"At least someone cared about us."

"We mattered."

He felt flayed open and raw. He wanted to weep. To beg. To deny. But what they said was true. His shaking body bowed in half until his forehead rested in the dirt.

He felt another presence and he looked up, a small blossom of hope in his chest. Roy was there. Roy would tell him it was okay, that he was okay. That he mattered. He raised his agonized face to Roy's.

But the comfort he sought wasn't there. The warm blue eyes were cold and full of hatred.

"Roy?" He whispered.

"They're right, John." And all of the bigotry and words of hatred and derision that Johnny heard all his life spewed from the lips of his best friend.

At least he thought Roy was his friend.

"You're useless, John. You mean nothing." Roy's lip twisted with disgust. "To no one."

He collapsed onto his side, curled into a ball, unable to bear any more. He willed his heart to stop beating. Roy finished it.

"To me, least of all."

Johnny woke with a start. He scrambled from his bed and into his bunkers, barely making it to the latrine before he threw up over and over again.

[twst-drabbles]

Leona 8

Summary: Every obsession starts with a set of pathetic excuses.

(In terms of his role in the story, Leona is not my favorite, in terms of using him in any little writings I have, he’s pretty fun to use.)

You have no scent.

Of course that makes it easy to sleep around you, to snore the world away as you pass by him without so much as rousing his needle sharp instincts. Leona had the misfortune of having a sensitive nose. People such as that lizard are always pungent to him. The smell crawls into his head, stings his brain and pokes at the ever lit fire of annoyance in him.

It’s only natural he wouldn’t notice you sitting on the other side of the tree he likes to nap on, reviewing notes and skidding a highlighter over keywords. The noise of crinkling paper woke him up, but the breeze blowing through was too nice to get up and walk away from.

Leona can sleep anywhere, if given enough time, but still, he needed time. Any changes to usual yanks him from his sleep, but with no scent, you were practically not there at all. He can ignore you with ease. He can ignore the soft mutterings of your voice, can ignore hums and sighs as you shifted about, can ignore the smell of your clothing because you yourself had no scent. He can sleep soundly even as you followed him in his dreams.

This place is a hungry den of beasts.

Without magic, you may as well be a blob of boneless flesh. Leona wished to say he couldn’t understand the sure click to your steps, the relaxed arch of your back when you sat, the steady tone to your voice, but he does know. No matter how many layers of spells and magic theory one may hide under, invincibility will never be within reach. With the right move, with the right steps, anyone can become a useless sack of meat. You understood this better than he had, otherwise, why would you have survived at all, in this college?

But Leona also knew of it. There was no magic to you to conceal your weakness. A careless misfire and you’d suddenly be missing a lung, or a spine, or a heart.  You defeated him. You managed to lead a dance through his storm of sand. If you were to fall because of something as small as an accident, then Leona would be weaker than the rest of this college.

So, it’s only natural he would be aware of you, of when you dive into a crowd to get your lunch, of when you pass by his class even though the door was only an inch open, of when you gave a smirk as you ribbed at your little buddies. One wrong move, and every one of these students will see you as an open target that you are not.

His ego needs to be torn out of him.

This little imitation of a dog has been barking nonstop. It’s nonsense, always a ear grating scramble of words that only follows whatever shiny thing is dangled in front of his dumb eyes. Whenever Leona is taking a nap, this pathetic excuse of a college student would stomp so loud, as though announcing his presence for anyone with one working ear. Low life’s like this one should learn to keep their heads down, learn to pop their ego before someone truly worthy of anything comes along and eats them up.

Besides, if anyone is dumb enough to bump into you, unskilled enough to not notice you and even yell at you for the sake of saving their own hurt ego, Leona doesn’t want them in his dorm at all.

This student will be kicked out within three days. Leona will make him resign, if he doesn’t send him to his home in a coffin.

[burgundybmw]

Guitar String of Fate

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,372 (plus social media posts)

Warning: Angst (just the lyrics to the songs on the album, everything else is fluffy!), Game of Thrones critique and reference to its violent content (it makes sense later)

Summary: When the band Daughters of Lilith tour bus breaks down in the middle of Indiana, they are left stranded for a few hours waiting for help. Y/N (also known by Echo) sees a bar in the distance with a giant LIVE MUSIC sign in bright neon lights, she tells the girls they might as well find some entertainment while they wait. The local favorite Corroded Coffin is playing, and when she locks eyes with the guitar player for the first time, Y/N can’t help but feel the electricity in the air. Will this be a missed connection? Or will the strings of fate bring them together again?

Author’s Note: Here it is! The first chapter of Guitar String of Fate! Hope you guys enjoy it! Let me know if you want to be tagged in future updates!

Part I

[Official transcripts from the interview with Daughters of Lilith written by Frederick Benson, MTV News. Copyright © 2020 Viacomm International Inc. - All Rights Reserved]

This is Fred Benson coming to you live from Indianapolis! Fresh off the Antiquity tour, we have with us the members of Daughters of Lilith!

Echo: Lovely to be here!

Eden: Hey guys!

Chrissy: Hey everyone!

Barb: Hello!

Vickie: Hey!

For those who aren't in the know, Daughters of Lilith is an all girl rock band from Los Angeles, California. They took the music world by storm back in 2019 with their debut album "Into The Gorgon's Eyes." In an era where rock music was thought to be dead and buried, these ladies have brought it back to the land of the living! With millions of streams and stadiums across the country sold out, Daughters of Lilith has certainly rocked our worlds. Now tell us, how does it feel to finish up with your first continental tour?

Echo: It's definitely bittersweet. Everything has been amazing so far, all of our fans coming out to see us is absolutely surreal.

Vickie: Oh definitely, sometimes I feel like I'm going to wake up and this all thing was just a dream my brain made up.

Eden: I'm still shocked people actually like our sh*t. When we first formed the band we had no clue it would blow up like this.

Chrissy: It's crazy, because like, going on stage used to be so scary for me. Now it's like second nature! I loved seeing everyone's signs in the audience and watching them sing along to our music. It's so cool!

Barb: It feels good to be back in my home state of Indiana, but I can't wait to get back to LA for some much needed rest for sure.

Some R&R is definitely deserved, especially with the new album coming out in a few weeks. "A Mausoleum Knight's Dream" is heavily anticipated, when you guys dropped the title it went viral on social media. Can you tell us a bit about it?

Eden: It's definitely a different vibe from our first album, Y/N wrote most of the lyrics herself. I remember we were sitting in our apartment and I woke up to use the bathroom. I found her in the kitchen scribbling in her notebook like a woman possessed.

[Edit: Y/N L/N goes by the stage name Echo. Her band mates refer to her by her legal name in interviews]

Chrissy: She wrote the entire thing in like 2 days! It was insane! I don't think she slept!

Echo: I wasn't that bad...

Barb: You were. You were chugging espresso like it was water. Eden had to throw you in bed to get a couple hours of sleep and you snuck out the window!

Echo: I was in the groove!

Vickie: That just proves our point!

A whole album in two days! That's certainly something!

Echo: They're being dramatic. It was more like a week, but yea it was a lot. I got the idea for the album when we went to go see Shakespeare in the park. I get a lot of my inspiration for music from literature.

Yes of course. "Into The Gorgon's Eyes" was inspired from the Greek myth, right?

Eden: Yea and other myths and stories as well. Vickie and Y/N are big Greek mythology nerds.

Vickie: I'm a big Percy Jackson fan! But that wasn't the only reason why we chose the theme.

Echo: I think the story of Medusa is unfortunately something a lot of people can relate to. A lot of greek tragedies are. I wrote 'Wool Stained Red' after watching Game of Thrones actually. As much as I loved the show, the graphic displays of violence were absolutely horrific. It's insane how normalized violence is in media. How it's trivialized for plot development. We see it with Medusa, she was a victim of a crime and she became the villain, a monster. We sort of ran with the idea that we should show the other perspective. History, literature, myth, they're often written by the winners. We wanted to tell the story of the side characters, the ones who are cast aside to push the hero's narrative.

'Wool Stained Red' is actually one of my favorites on the album. Whenever I listen to the opening verse and chorus it always gives me goosebumps.

[Edit: 'Wool Stained Red' is the third song on the album.

Verse 1: They tell us as little girls / To watch for the wolf in sheep's clothes / Don't frolic, don't go, don't stray / Beasts lurk in the shadows / I thought I was safe inside, the door was locked up tight / You came like a ghost in the night, and now I'm the ghost inside

Chorus: The shroud that drapes around me is not as clean as it should be / I walked alongside the virgo / I tried to say no (tried to say no) / This stain won't go away, no matter how hard I try / You've marked my soul forever, until the day I die]

Barb: Y/N wrote the opening and Eden did the chorus. At the time, they were fighting over the notebook to get all of their ideas out.

Eden: We wouldn't have to argue over it if she didn't insist on using the same notebook for music...

Echo: It's my lucky charm! I bought ten of them from the same store for when we eventually run out of pages. I swear it's like magic, I can't write in anything else.

Chrissy: It's so cute actually, she takes care of that thing like it's her baby.

Vickie: She doesn't go anywhere without it.

Is that where you wrote A Mausoleum Knight's Dream?

Echo: Sure is. I'm excited to see what people think about it, I don't know if I can wait two weeks for it to drop. Patience is certainly not my virtue.

You're certainly not alone with that, fans have been buzzing for months for its release. Especially after the overwhelming success of the Antiquity Tour. Are you guys going to do another one for this album?

Vickie: We would love to! If the album does well I'm sure another tour is on the horizon.

So what's next for you ladies? Gonna spend some time in Indiana before heading back to LA?

Barb: I wish we could, but we have events planned in LA for the new album release. It would be nice to spend some time in my hometown for a bit, but we might come back the next time we have downtime.

Echo: I was really bummed out about that. I really wanted to see Hawkins.

Hawkins, Indiana?

Chrissy: Yea! Barb, Vickie, and I are from there! Funny enough, we didn't really know each other well until we all met again in LA.

Vickie: We actually all went to the same high school, but Hawkins High is pretty big and we didn't run in the same circles back then.

Barb: Chrissy was a cheerleader, Vickie was in band, and I was more of a home body. It's insane to think about where I am today. If you would have told 16 year old Barbara Holland she'd be in a rock band with millions of fans, she would have said you were insane. I only had one best friend in high school, her name's Nancy. We're still really close.

I'm actually an alumna of Hawkins High funny enough.

Barb: I knew I recognized you! You were on the paper with Nance right?

I was! I can't believe you recognized me! It's good to see you again.

Barb: It's good to see you again too, Freddie!

Eden: I'm feeling very left out right now.

Echo: I guess we're not cool enough to be a part of the Hawkins crew Edy.

Vickie: Oh you two are so dramatic.

Chrissy: We'll all plan a vacay soon! You guys can see where we grew up!

Echo: Sounds good Chris, I'd love to see it.

As much as I love this trip down memory lane, we unfortunately have to wrap up this interview. Any final words to your fans in Indiana?

Echo: You guys were kick ass last night! Can't wait to come back!

Eden: Till next time Indiana.

Chrissy: Bye everyone! We love you guys so much, thanks for coming out!

Vickie: Hope you guys like the new album!

Barb: Thank you Indianapolis, and shout out to Hawkins!

That's everything folks! This was Daughters of Lilith with you live in Indianapolis! A Mausoleum Knight's Dream drops in 2 weeks, so stay tuned for that!

Eddie was procrastinating, but it wasn't his fault. Really. It was Robin's. If she never suggested new music to him he would have actually made progress with Corroded Coffin's new material. How was he supposed to resist the temptation of an album called Into The Gorgon's Eyes? It was like a siren's call. The link to the album Robin had sent just begging to be played. Eddie knew Gareth would give him shit for listening to another band's music instead writing for his own, but when he did he care about Gareth's opinion anyway? He thinks Whitesnake is one of the best bands to come out of the 80s. Clearly his opinion was wrong.

Robin had told him that the best way to listen to the album was from beginning to end. That once he started it, he had to finish it. He had a few hours before he had to leave for The Hideout, so he decided to put it on early instead of playing it in his van. It was the best decision he made in weeks.

Daughters of Lilith's music wasn't like anything he'd listen to before. The melody transported him outside of himself. It sounded as if he was inside of a cave, or some abandoned ruins in an ancient land far away from Hawkins, Indiana. He understood why the lead singer decided to go by Echo, her voice surrounded him on all sides, moving through him like a stark winter's chill.

Robin was right when she said it was a masterpiece. It was haunting. Tragic. Eddie was hooked. The introduction 'My Body Is A Temple' was lighter, bright for a nu metal/goth rock band. All of the instrumentals were acoustic. Echo's voice shined; her high notes reminiscent of the church choir Eddie's mom made him join as a kid. Surrounded by stone, the reverb bouncing off the walls of his mind. Peaceful, angelic. Completely different from the song that followed it.

'Violated' began with an intense guitar rip, so loud it almost deafened him. The drums pounded against his ears like most of the metal music he listened too. What differentiated it from the rest was the soft keys of the piano that broke through the heavy tone. Echo's voice was heartbreaking. As if she was on the brink of tears. Pure agony. That's how most of the Into The Gorgon's Eyes went, a contrast of harmony and discord.

The last song on the album hit him the hardest. There are only a handful of songs that ever made him cry, 'Hemlock' was one of them. It left him feeling raw. Untethered to the space he occupied in his bedroom. Eddie knew he was going to be late for tune up at the Hideout, but he didn't care. When the song finished, he instantly replayed it. The melancholy sounds of Echo's sirens call beginning again.

Your hubris is showing my dear/ It’s what will destroy you /You swallow your pride without fear / Until those lips I once kissed turn blue / I wish I could say I was surprised / But from me, oh you could never hide /

The poison fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / They tell me it’s not your fault, that it’s a disease of the mind / And it’s so easy to say, until they watch the decay of your eyes that were once kind /

Gifts of the Earth can heal / They can send you to your grave / You’re sprinting backwards on life’s old wheel / That’s not how one should behave / And you won’t drag me there with you, despite how hard you tried / I’d rather walk this road alone than become a widow before a bride /

The poison slowly fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / They tell me it’s not your fault, that it’s a disease of the mind / And it’s so easy to say, until they watch the decay of your eyes that were once kind /

…

I told you I told you / Time and time again / The flowers are not so pretty / When they can bring the kiss of death / Say hello my darling, to the fates of three / When they cut your cord and steal your last breath / You told me I was your Eurydice, that you’d go to Hell and back for me / You’re a lyre, you stole the gold from the windows of my soul to pay Charon’s fee / I told you I told you / It was never if but when /

The poison slowly fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / They tell me it’s not your fault, that it’s a disease of the mind / And it’s so easy to say, until they watch the decay of your eyes that were once kind /

The poison slowly fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / I sleep alone in our bed /I sleep alone in our bed /

When you wake up tomorrow, will it be heaven sent?

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Uninvited (Sesshomaru x Modern Reader Part 3)

It officially has a title! :D I am very excited this tumblr exclusive, at least for now, has a title and I even started to brain storm how to make this more complex for AO3 if it ever ends up there. This might just be a different story all together. I am going to go back to my other parts and put the links for the following section in each. So part 1 will take you to part 2, part 2 to 1 and 3 and so on and so forth.

I am very excited for this. I am having so much fun just writing this short story it’s been a blast!

Here we go!

Part 1

Part 2

Sesshomaru returned to the stars twinkling above him. He was indeed back where he belonged. No sooner had he jumped from the well did his half-brother dash to greet him. There were a lot of questions shooting off from his mouth annoyingly quickly. Landing on the soft grass with effortless grace, Sesshomaru flipped his hair over his right shoulder and began to walk in he direction of the village. Inuyasha spouted insults towards him which the demon lord ignored. Sesshomaru wanted to know if any time had passed while he was on the other side. Was it a few days, months, years? Whatever the case, he would find out by checking on one creature.

Entering the hut, he was relieved to be greeted by a youthful smile. She was still small, still innocent and still beamed to see him. She was around twelve now, and in a few years, she would wed and carry on a life most mortals did. The slayer boy had been visiting more and more, and he knew the time they would share was growing short. Quietly, he took his usual place in the corner of the room, sitting with on arm resting on his knee with eyes closed as she talked about what she had been doing for the pass three days.

Sesshomaru never expected to be taken into the role of fatherhood. The demon lord had an empire to build and one which would surpass his own father at that. He had little time to spend, and whatever free time he deemed, he used visiting Rin. Even if he did leave her in the care of the old priestess to train her in matters which were human, he showed her a world humans could only dream of or imagine. That was how he raised her, to be strong and to go beyond the limits of her human expectations. However, it was her sudden change in topic to the slayer boy which stopped his breathing and had him open his eyes.

Rin did not look at him as she talked about their trip to the lake. Her cheeks turned red at how she described how they playfully pushed each other in the water and laid upon the grass. Perhaps she would be leaving her childhood behind faster than he expected. The large and warm smile on his face told him that maybe sometime soon, once young slayer boy would be approaching him as a man and ask for Rin. Closing his eyes again, he listened, enjoying the moments he would have now. Tomorrow, he would work on deciding if the faith of demons really were doomed to never walk on the Earth again.

~*~

You did not sleep the first night he left. You honestly expected him to jump scare you out of nowhere. You don’t really know why, but you had come to figure that maybe he had a twisted sense of humor. Then again these were half tired thoughts as you also imagined what on Earth he had to do to keep his hair so beautiful while being in a time where shampoo and conditioner were not a thing. The first day he was gone, you were unsure if it all really happened. Until you were recruited to put in the new door for the well’s shrine. On the second day, you were reminded why you came to Japan in the first place.

Excitedly you opened your letter, a hopeful smile on your face as you read the first line. As your eyes travelled down the page, your smile fell. Another rejection letter. Pressing your lips tightly together you sighed through your nose. You would have to make another one and try again. That lead to hours of staying up late, pens, papers, textures, cutting, and everything else. You would make another thirty-page pilot for a new manga idea you had brewing in the back burner. You had a binder of ideas, and you would make comics for each of them until one was a hit. As you worked long and hard, you only called it a night when you began to see double on the paper.

When the third day arrived, you had forgotten about the promise the demon had made to return the following day. Shivering slightly at the chill breeze that went passed, you swore as the pile of leaves you swept were blow away. You were really too tired to deal with nature working against you. Grumbling to yourself, you walked over to the scattered leaves and began piling them again only for them to again escape you. Letting your arm go slack, you looked to the sky and whimpered. Today was not your day.

“Miss, could you direct me to the ancient tree?”

Now I have tourist to deal with. Putting on your best smile you turned to the person. “Su-re”. You blinked in surprise at the person. You could not completely tell if they were male or female, but they were beautiful in their traditional clothing.

“Thank you.” They smiled happily.

You lead the way and tried not to think of the person behind you. They had other plans.

“I came for an errand for my dad. My sisters are somewhere around here with my grandmother. Probably at the gift shot.”

“Ahuh, are you locals?” You looked over your shoulder.

He gave a toothy grin. “Kind of. We own some land outside the city.” Charisma oozed off the young man.

“I see.” You faced forward and stopped in front of the tree. “Here’s the sacred tree-what are you doing?”

The young man whistled as he kicked up some dirt. You began to panic as you looked around in fear that the old man would come storming out the gift shop, yelling at you and the guest.

“Ah, there it is.” You looked back over to see him pull out an old box before filling the hole and patting it down. “This should do it.” He dropped some kind of powder on the ground before walking towards you. “Thanks for your help.”

“W-w-wait! That could belong to the old man!” You panicked.

“Nah. The only old man this belongs to is one who can be a real pain to live with.” He chuckled as he pocketed the box. “See you around.”

As he began walking he stopped and looked at you from the corner of his eyes. “By the way, don’t let anyone bully you. You’re a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for.”

“HEY!”

You called but he just waved at you to join a group of three waiting by the shrine steps. As you watched them walk off, your brain did some mental math… none of those people with him looked old enough to be a grandmother.

~*~

“You were meant to avoid her.” A stern famine voice directed at the young man.

“Eh, I got curious. Wouldn’t you be.”

“You were told…”

“Ah! You worry too much.” The other young woman stated to the other.

“He should know better! We shouldn’t go easy on him since hes the baby.”

“I guess…”

“Children, children.” The older appearing woman called, a smirk on her painted lips. “He can’t help himself. Afterall, his namesake should be enough to explain his actions.” She watched as he pulled the hairpin from the box. “Isn’t that right, Toga?”

The young man smiled as he held up the pin. “You would know, grandmother.”

I made an image of what his son might look like based on how Sesshomaru's other children look. And I am very happy with how it came out!!!! I really enjoyed writing this and I super enjoyed making this autumn artwork!!!!!

This was meant to be a modern Sesshomaru but went against it cause the hair. Already working on how he might look, just fyi!

Thank you everyone for the support! It means loads!

[coeurdastronaute]

The Cover Story, Ch. 1

Greetings! This is a preview of my first chapter that I’m posting exclusively on my patreon. If you like it, I hope you follow along as I work on it there. I appreciate your time and thoughts and would love to hear what you think. 

Without further ado, or perhaps much ado about thing...

Lucy Madani was not going to cry. 

That was a lie. She might cry. She wanted to cry. She was known to cry very easily, but not without reason, and there certainly were more than enough reasons already for her to tear up as she stood on the corner and felt a wave of water from a bus going through a puddle splash her legs and skirt. It was only just after eight in the morning, and she was ready to crawl back into bed, admit defeat graciously, and sleep straight through to tomorrow. 

“I can’t talk right now, Baba,” Lucy muttered into her phone as she resumed her quick walk down the street. 

“You are mad, and we need to talk.” 

“Let me rephrase it. I don’t want to and I also can’t. I’m going to be late for my meeting.”

“Your big interview pitch. I wanted to wish you good luck, but you stormed off.” 

“Yes, that is what one tends to do when their father informs them that he is getting engaged,” she fumed, her anger coming over her once again at the thought as she darted across the street, waving her hand at the honking car. 

She was an adult, she tried to remind herself. A full, grown adult. An adult-adult who barely had a stable job, had heaps of student loans, and still lived with her widowed father. She didn’t throw tantrums and she wasn’t going to cry about any of it. Today was too important for that, and she was going to nail the pitch and finally move on from puff pieces for teen magazines. She was going to make the jump to serious journalist. She was going to be requested, by name. 

Today she was not going to cry. 

At least not on purpose. 

“Will you be home for dinner?” 

Luckily, he knew enough to sound sorry, though it wasn’t enough of a victory for her, only fueling the prickling behind her eyes. 

“No, I’m going over Laila’s. I’ll just stay there. Wouldn’t want to interrupt your time with her.” 

“Lucy joon, please talk to me. I know you’re mad-- you have your mother’s temper, but I think we should talk about this.” 

“I’m going into my meeting. We’ll talk sometime this week,” she offered, shaking her head. “Just… I have to go.” 

She didn’t wait for much of a reply because she knew he was playing low, dragging her mother into it. It only made it worse. Shoes sloshing against the tile of the lobby, she made her way to the elevator and decided firmly, once again, that she was not going to cry. 

Her phone chimed with a handful of well wishes and good luck’s from the group chat and she thanked them quickly before trying to find the meeting information from her calendar, head down and lost in her own world as she stepped into the elevator and right into a stranger. 

“I’m so sorry,” Lucy hurried, looking forward and then following the chest and then long pale neck up a few more inches to an amused smirk and eyes hidden by wayfarer sunglasses. 

“Not a problem. I was in the way.” 

The stranger ran her hand through a mop of curly copper hair atop her head, faded on the sides and shaggy on top, decidedly better put together than any tiktok boy’s. Her small smile pulled at bow-shaped lips and left dimples on both cheeks, and there were too many freckles to even begin counting. Lucy gulped before moving to the side and slinking to the back corner. 

Of course she would get into an elevator with the hottest woman she’d ever seen. Of course she would nearly plow her over in her hurry. Of course she would be sweet and smile like that and have an adorably shaped chin and face. Of course Lucy would do all of that while looking like something the cat dragged in after a bad night. 

But luck wasn’t with her today, and she was unable to hide too long, as no one else got on behind her and she heaved the heaviest sigh before looking down at her ruined stockings, spattered with mud and whatever else was festering in that puddle. Her skirt was soaked still and dripping and she was beginning to really feel it sinking into her skin. Phone clutched tightly in her hand, she felt the weight of it all and didn’t know what to do with it. 

From under her brow she looked up to study the back of the stranger, their long legs and black jeans, their primly tucked in black t-shirt that stretched slightly across her shoulders, and the softest looking hair in the most beautiful shade of red she’d ever seen. 

The elevator ascended approximately three floors before she started crying. Alligator tears slipped down her cheeks before she could do anything to stop them. And then the stranger cleared their throat and quietly turned around to verify what was happening, was actually happening, only making it worse. 

But she didn’t say anything, just turned back around, and with the smallest movement stretched an arm forward to hold the elevator between floors, and quickly, Lucy turned herself around and faced the wall. She took a few steadying breaths and wiped her cheeks, mentally preparing to leave everything else behind and focus on the moment-- when she would be selling herself to one of the largest companies of all time to be the writer of the profile of their Director of Creative Design before they went public. She’d prepared. She was ready. Nothing else mattered and she was a goddamn adult. 

The stranger, the kind, hot stranger pushed her sunglasses up into the messy curly hair and offered a smaller smile than before, the communal ‘it’ll be okay’ without saying anything. Lucy didn’t register much of it, just stared at the grey-green of her eyes, forgetting all else, and especially that she was a goddamn adult who desperately needed a payday to move out of her father’s place and away from whoever was moving into her mother’s side of the bed. 

“I’m not usually,” she began, but bit her tongue because she didn’t want to lie. She was usually like this, just occasionally less muddy. “Thank you.” 

“We can stay a few more minutes if you’d like. I don’t really want to go to work today.” 

For the first time all day, Lucy smiled genuinely and felt lighter. It was that quick and that easy. 

“It’s okay. I’m ready.” 

A curt nod led to a stretch again and the elevator started once more. Lucy leaned across and pressed the button for her floor, catching a whiff of a distinctly woodsy smell, like sandalwood perhaps? There was a hit of lavender? Maybe cedar? It was wonderful. She wanted to breathe in more of it, but retreated before she was the girl who cried and sniffed people in the elevator. 

The silence was oddly comfortable for a few more seconds until it dinged and she took the step out. The stranger politely held the door and offered one final smile, complete with just one dimple this time. 

“Good luck,” she winked before pulling back, hands clasped loosely in front of her before the doors closed forever. 

It couldn’t get better than that, Lucy decided, staring at the elevator doors and steadying herself once again. But she was hoping it couldn’t get worse either. 

XXXXXXXXXXX

Quinn Sullivan wanted to die. 

Not really die, but she might have taken a good coma. Just for like a week maybe. Or six months. Something long enough to beat out this hangover she was sporting, courtesy of her very thoughtful best friend, and if she was lucky, long enough to survive the offering and release of the new game. Maybe a year-long coma? Was that too much to ask for, honestly? Maybe the universe could toss her a bone, just this once, especially after the previous year of her life. 

But in lieu of a swift and merciful death and/or coma, she was just going to have to survive the giant hangover that was currently attacking her body. All she needed was a quiet day and an extra large piece of leftover pizza she was certain was waiting in the staff fridge somewhere. Maybe some birthday cake--

And then a five-five wrecking ball of a human barreled into her chest. 

The rest of her ride up, Quinn thought about the weird trip it’d been, and if she should have done something different. And then she beat herself up for winking. Who winked? Why did she wink? She’d never done it before. But she earned a smile from a cute girl, and there was a tiny flutter at the base of her rib cage, one she hadn’t noticed in a long, long time. She pressed her fingertips there for the rest of the ride to her floor. 

With a groan, she put her sunglasses back on as the elevator dinged to her floor and took a deep breath to prepare for her day, not allowing her brain to trace out an entire life with the cute, crying stranger where they bought peaches at the farmer’s market on Saturday’s and danced in the kitchen. Romance was dead and dreaming was forbidden. 

“Aspirin is already on your desk,” Jenny greeted her cheerfully. “With an egg sandwich and some fruit.”

“No leftover pizza?” Quinn didn’t pout, but she might have for that.

“Trust me, this will fix you up much better. I went to a state school, remember, MIT?” 

“We partied…” Quinn trailed off as she pushed open the door to her office. 

She hadn’t partied, but she was certain people had to have partied. It was college, and though it was many moons ago, she certainly couldn’t remember hangovers feeling like this. Maybe this is what almost thirty felt like. That thought didn’t help with the headache.

“All-night coding sessions don’t count. Eat the food. I’ll hold the wolves at bay as long as I can, but Chris and the Exlust team are adamant you have the meeting today to resolve story issues.” 

Quinn tossed back the aspirin before she even sat down. Maybe Jenny was her universal compensation. The shades were already drawn so her normally bright office was much more tolerable. Even the eggs didn’t make her stomach swirl, and she was grateful her assistant learned something useful while studying biomedical engineering.. 

“I just need like an hour to work something out. I had an idea last night--”

“Before or after the sangria?” 

“During. Definitely during, but still. I just need to work through it and then they can tear me to shreds. Can you add to my calendar a warning to never drink again?” 

Quinn was fairly certain she’d texted her assistant that at some point in the morning. Probably before the shower, but after the first cup of coffee. 

“Gladly,” Jenny smiled softly. “You doing okay? It’s been a while since you tied one on like this.” 

“I’m fine. Just celebrating with Darcy. No more sad drinking, I believe was the rule you came up with and I follow all of your rules.” 

With a roll of the eyes, files were placed on her desk and her assistant retreated to the ringing phones, which when the door was held open, were actual torture devices to Quinn’s brain. 

“Sadie wants your afternoon free. I think it’s another reporter.” 

“She’s relentless.” 

“Maybe you’re impossible?” 

“It’s genetic then,” Quinn sighed, munching on a grape and tugging open a notebook. “One hour, please?” 

“I got you, boss.” 

“Thanks.” 

Never quite sure how Jenny did it, Quinn chose not to ask any questions. But when she asked for an hour, she got it. And despite the headache and laziness in her muscles, the food and aspirin did help so that by the end of her allotted time, she felt like she had captured the breakthrough that appeared to her the night before. 

Before she could admire her work though, her team filed in and she was prepared to start her day, finally, even with the nagging idea of a reporter nipping at her thoughts through it all. 

Somewhere between her breakfast and lunch, Quinn felt better. She fired off a few texts to see how Darcy was handling it and received only pictures of a half obscured but obviously still in bed face and chuckled to herself. It was a slower day, and she wasn’t about to waste it with a hangover. She should give Jenny a raise, she decided, because the woman could cure hangovers. Maybe submit her for the Nobel for Science. 

“Sadie is here,” her assistant buzzed and Quinn lost all forms of motivation. 

Her head hit her desk dramatically as the door opened and her sister walked in. Slightly shorter, but older by two years, Sadie was nearly everything Quinn could never manage to be despite her best intentions. She had the MBA from Harvard and the doting husband that came with it, a cute brownstone near White Hill and the park, and her first baby on the way. But even past her resume, Sadie Sullivan-Hawkins was personable and charismatic. She was adored and shrewd, capable of disarming anyone and eviscerating the others. It all came so easy to her, to have people around, to talk and be listened to, to be loved. She was a shark in business, and at the same time warm and put people at ease. 

Quinn could barely tie her shoes and Sadie was running a marathon in life. 

“Want to talk about it?” Sadie smiled as she took the seat across from Quinn’s desk. 

“About what?” 

“Why you’re getting drunk with Darcy on a Tuesday?” 

“She got the job at Taylor and Vine. We were celebrating.” 

“So not about Chloe’s announcement in the Times?” 

Quinn played dumb, typing gibberish into her phone because she didn’t want to look at her sister’s kind and caring face. If she looked, then she’d have more feelings, and for the life of her, she just wanted the incessant tinnitus of the break up to disappear completely. 

“Nope, I caught that this morning though, so I was in the right physical and mental place to really wallow. I don’t care about her.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard.”

“I have these notes to get done for the Shadow Operation team before our meeting with design. I’m fine. My ex can marry whoever she wants-- God knows she didn’t want to marry me. Good luck to the next sap.”

This made her sister chuckle, and Quinn smiled quietly to herself. There was still a bitterness there that she couldn’t get rid of. It was masking potentially the worst hurt imaginable. She preferred the bite of the bitter though. Easier to navigate. 

“I have someone I want you to meet with.” 

“Oh, fuck off Sadie,” Quinn moaned, knowing full well what was about to happen. “I’m not talking to anyone. You’re the face of this outfit. That’s what you told me.” 

“You’ve run off three other reporters. Our public offering is going to underperform if there is no faith in the heart of our company,” she explained, sitting up a little straighter. “And that’s you. I might crunch the numbers and keep the lights on, but you are what people are buying.”

“Then you tell them about me. I don’t even have to be there.”

“If only that were true, my job would be a lot easier.” 

At a stalemate, the sisters stared at each other for a few moments before Sadie broke, making a face as she smiled towards her lap, running her hand over the smallest bump barely showing. Quinn shook her head and looked away. Anywhere else was better than the damn disapproving look leveled at her now. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Quinn finally muttered. “I don’t want to-- I can’t--”

“Chloe was an idiot. She broke your heart. Now, you barely exist, but I know that you’re still you. And we need this.” 

“I can’t. I really can’t. I wish you’d get it.” 

It hurt too much all over again. In a weird way, Quinn missed the feeling of the hangover because at least that was a useful ache. The dull throbbing in her chest and bones just felt hollow and haunting. 

“We have a meeting with her. I’ve already walked her through the contracts and final edits, as well as shown her around. Please just rip the bandaid off and get it over with. She’s good. I’ve read a few of her pieces and Donna recommended her to me.” 

Sadie had their mother’s eyes. It drove Quinn crazy, that she looked like she didn’t belong in her own family. It also meant it felt like her mom was staring at her and reminding her to do her chores. She rubbed the back of her neck, letting her head lull to the side. 

“I’ll… I’ll try.” 

“Yes! I knew it. Thank you. Seriously, Q. It’s going to be great. This is going to--”

“I said I’ll try. I didn’t say I’d do it.” 

“It’ll be great,” Sadie ignored the warning, hopping up from her chair and moving to the door to beckon the reporter in. “Come in and meet the genius of the whole outfit.” 

Quinn rubbed her face with her hands, digging her fingers into the corners of her eyes under her glasses before steadying herself. She could do it for her sister, she reminded herself, and that stupid niece or nephew she was incubating. 

Maybe it would be as simple as ripping off a band-aid. Maybe she could just let a stranger rifle through her entire life and being, except that she wasn’t sure there was anything there anymore. Everything felt like she was going through the motions, and it was terrifying to Quinn to let someone see that she was barely stitched together. How could she explain that there was nothing behind door number one? Let alone number two or number three. 

“Quinn, this is Lucy Madani. She’s a freelancer hired by New York Magazine. She did a great piece on the Attorney General last month and her article on the director who went on to win Cannes went viral.” 

There was still mud on her skirt, but her stockings had been disbanded, gone forever, but it was unmistakable the stranger from the elevator standing in her office. That felt like an entire lifetime ago, and yet Quinn tried to swallow. 

“You have longer hair, in the pictures I found of you online,” Lucy offered, overcoming her surprise much quicker. She stuck out her hand over Quinn’s desk and waited for her to shake it. 

She was a reporter. A reporter who cried in the elevator. A reporter Quinn had, if she were being honest, checked out. But foremost, she was a reporter. She wanted to dive into the deepest parts of Quinn’s brain for profit, mutual benefit and all. It sounded dreadful. 

The universe did not owe her anything, Quinn remembered, but the perpetual mocking was getting a little over the top. 

“Quinn Sullivan,” she shook the hand presented and tried to breathe. Lucy’s hand was warm and felt soft. She wasn’t sure how to let go. “How’s it going?” 

Fuck! Her mind blared as she dropped the reporter’s hand and mentally beat herself to a pulp. Who talked like that? And still, she could not answer, winked?

“It’s been a day,” she smiled, nodding to herself as she accepted the seat Quinn offered. “Your sister has sung your praises all morning though. I feel like I could write about your without even meeting you.”

“Great. Let’s do that.” 

Sadie laughed but gave Quinn a stern look. 

“I’m going to go grab you some passes and copies of the contracts,” Sadie smiled graciously at Lucy before turning to her sister. “Listen to her pitch.” 

“Seems it’s been decided,” she muttered to herself before plastering on a smile. 

“Don’t have too much fun. I’ll be right back.” 

And with that she truly was gone, and Quinn was left in her office with the reporter who had pretty eyes. They felt like syrup-- warm and deep brown, gooey and sticky. Her face was longer, her nose thin and long, her lips full and bitten-- and Quinn snapped herself out of her perusal and felt her chest warm too much. No, the universe didn’t owe her anything, and the punishment for thinking it did was sitting across from her in a muddy skirt and gentle smile.

For just a moment, Quinn held her breath and willed a coma..

[stressy-enby]

Love Letters

Tenya Iida X Writer!Reader

(This is absolutely a self insert leave me alone)

Requests are open!!

Tenya's morning routine was always the same. He was awoken by his alarm at 6:20 A.M. He went to the bathroom and washed his face. Then he'd get dresses, comb his hair, and go downstairs for breakfast. After he'd eaten, he would brush his teeth, and head to class with his peers.

This system was so ordinary, so methodical, that he almost missed the folded sheet of printer paper on the floor in front of the door.

Probably Mr. Aizawa, he'd thought, stooping to collect the note. His teacher occasionally left notes taped to the class rep's door, asking him to take attendance or start class if Aizawa knew he was going to be late. Still nothing out of the ordinary for Tenya.

When he unfolded the paper, though, he was surprised to see not a message from his teacher, but rather a very sweet note; something that Tenya was not accustomed to getting at all.

I hope it does not alarm you to hear that I adore you. Your unbridled passion for heroics, your eyes; which are oceans of kindness, and your aptitude for helping others. Every little bit of you never once ceases to amaze and enamor me. Though you are a vessel for speed, you choose to walk alongside your friends, instead of tearing off into the future. You build me up and make me feel strong, whether you realize it or not. You make me feel like I'm actually worth something. You keep my head up when I feel as though I'm drowning in a sea of my insecurities.

Perhaps one day I'll have the courage to tell you this in person. For now though, this will suffice.

The letter was not signed off, but rather ended with a red pen sketch of a heart. Tenya's eyes nearly doubled in size. He re read the note several more times to make sure he hadn't imagined the loving words. Who could've possibly written it? He wasn't aware of anyone in his class who harbored these kinds of feelings, much less for him, but he had never been particularly good at reading emotions.

Realizing he was going to be late for breakfast if he dwelled any longer on it, Tenya pocketed the love letter and headed downstairs. The mystery would have to wait until after school. His responsibilities always came first, no matter how often his mind still wandered back to the letter in his pocked, yearning to pull it out and read it yet again, just to make sure he still wasn't dreaming.

. . . 

Whoever had written the note was smart, Tenya realized. They had typed it, leaving no room for the possibility that he could recognize the handwriting. The only part that had been done by hand was that little red heart, but a doodle wasn't nearly enough to tell him who the author was.

He turned instead to analyzing the words themselves.They were well chosen, poetic even. The fifty cent words like "unbridled" and "enamored" led him to believe that the author was an experienced writer, or perhaps simply read a lot.

Yaoyorozu was a good contender, she was an eloquent speaker. Kaminari also read a lot, he was good with literature. And there was Tokoyami, who seemed to speak exclusively in poetry. Tenya jotted down his ideas, crafting a short list of his classmates.

"Oh, (L/N) writes a lot," he mused, adding their name to the list. (L/N) actually made a lot of sense.

Oh, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. Perhaps he only read the love letter in (L/N)'s voice being he wanted it to be them.

...or maybe it actually wasn't a bad idea.

(L/N) was always writing. They viewed it as a privilege, a challenge. They leapt at every creative writing assignment they got in English class, and the few stories they had shared were spectacularly inventive and elegantly crafted.

Tenya halted, scanning the message again. It suddenly seemed more and more likely that (L/N) was in fact the author.

He chewed his lip. It was too easy. Too convenient. Too perfect. How could someone he already cared for so deeply send him something like this? It was too good to be true. Besides, it was only one note. How could be possibly-

"What if they write more?" Tenya suddenly said out loud, his train of thought coming to a screeching halt. "I'd have a better line up to analyze. I could also ask Present Mic for the short stories assignments he's grading so I can pass them back. I could probably be able to look over at least a few of them and see if I recognize the writing."

A man on a mission, Tenya resigned himself to waiting until the next day to see if another note appeared, and to ask Present Mic about the stories.

Too anxious and oddly excited, he hardly got any sleep.

. . . 

Sure enough the next morning, there was a new note. Tenya all but flew out of bed and scrambled to unfold it.

I find myself caught in a storm of uncertainty all too often. I'm tossed from wave to wave in an ocean of fear. You are my rock. You hold me fast and secure in this ever-changing and frightening world. You are safe. You are my home.

You are my everything.

Tenya unconsciously read the letter in (L/N)'s voice again. He felt his heart beat harder at the thought of them penning these beautiful words.

"You don't know that it's them," he scolded himself, unwillingly placing the new note on his desk next to the old one. He tore himself away from them to retreat into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

The new message did offer one new clue already, though. It used the same ocean metaphor as the first one. It was a comparison the author seemed to favor. Maybe he could find it in their other works.

He had to get his hands on those short story assignments before he lost his damn mind.

. . . 

Tenya felt slightly uneasy about telling Present Mic he wanted the stories to pass back, even though he was technically telling the truth. He was eventually going to pass them back. When he was done looking through them.

A lie of omission is still a lie, that annoying voice in his head insisted, but he pretended he couldn't hear it, pushing it down. It wouldn't do any harm, he rationalized. And he had to know.

Tenya flipped through the papers, looking for (L/N)'s first. It was a desperate wish that they were the author of the anonymous notes, but it also seemed to make just enough sense to justify thumbing through their assignment.

There. (L/N) always went above the beyond with creative writing, and the five pages of neatly typed text was a testament to that. It was the longest assignment in the stack by two pages.

Wait.... typed?

It was probably a coincidence. After all, (L/N) hadn't been the only student who'd opted to type their story. Tenya was too convinced already that they had sent him those letters for him to entertain the idea that it was simply just a coincidence.

He skimmed the story quickly before class started. He found himself impressed, not for the first time with (L/N)'s abilities as a writer. Each word was carefully selected to craft perfect sentences and immaculate paragraphs full of feeling and vibrant imagery.

He stopped suddenly a page in as the protagonist compared their anguish to a stormy sea, heavy waves tossing them to and fro.

There it is again.

The sentiments from the letters, which Tenya had all but seared into his brain, echoed that of what he was reading now. The vocabulary, the imagery, the deep feelings evoked by each sentence, and even the fact that it was typed.

It had to be them. It had to be (Y/N). It was just too perfect.

. . . 

(Y/N) sat a few seats ahead and to the right of Tenya, so he spent quite a bit of class time staring unabashedly at the back of their head. They were scribbling madly on a sheet of lined paper. Lecture notes? Short story?.... Love letter?

People often say that opposites attract. Tenya was just realizing how true that was as he sat in class, half listening to the lesson, half watching (Y/N). He was all angles and sternness, whereas they were flexible and soft. Perhaps it didn't always show physically on their features, but in their mannerisms, and even in their writing, they were stunning curves, twists and turns. With them, you didn't always know where you were going, but it was an adventure all the same. They were a warm, comforting feeling. They felt like home.

An idea bloomed in Tenya's mind, a delectably wonderful way for him to show (Y/N) that he reciprocated their feelings. Having a difficult time smothering his smile, Tenya fished through his school bag for a sheet of lined paper.

. . .

You frowned thoughtfully at your paper, lips pursed. You tapped your pencil against your dorm room desk as you considered your next words.

This was the hardest, part, but still the most fun. The first draft. You could change whatever wording or dialogue you wanted while you were typing it up, nut you still needed a good base. You still had to carefully choose every word that you wanted to use to move your audience.

Tenya Iida

You grinned giddily just thinking of him. He had given almost no indication these past two days that he'd gotten your letters, but you could tell. His eyes had darted around, scrutinizing everyone they landed on. It had felt a bit like being dissected when his gaze had fallen upon you.

There's no way he knows, you had reasoned, giving him a tight smile in return. He's just trying to sus me out. For all he knows, it could be literally anyone.

You had ridden that wave of shaky confidence in your anonymity, all the way to that moment, where you turned around in your desk chair, intending to grab your phone, only for your eyes to fall upon a folded up piece of paper next to your door.

You felt an anxious lurch in your gut as you shakily picked it up. "If this is Iida telling me to never speak to him again I'm going to cry."

You unfolded the message, fully expected the worst, and praying to whatever god was or wasn't out there that you were wrong and that Iida wasn't completely creeped out and now hated you.

You remind me of the ocean waves you write about so often. You're a crescendo of carefully chosen words, actions, and kind thoughts. You're soft yet strong, never backing down from a fight or a friend in need. Your determination and drive impress me to no ends, and make me want to impress you as well.

You've cast a spell on me for quite some time now, but your hold over me was only strengthened by the heartfelt messages you sent me. I'm beyond happy that you share my feelings.

The letter wasn't signed, but it was written in what was distinctly Iida's penmanship. He had ended his message the same way you had ended yours; with a hand-drawn heart.

"Oh my god," you whispered, paper crinkling as your grip tightened around it. You read it again. Then again. And then again. "Damnit, he's right. I do use the stormy sea metaphor a lot."

Note still clenched in your hand, you sped-walked to Iida's dorm room, heart thundering in your chest. The thought that Iida; sensible, respectful Iida would have feelings for a disaster like you was a little discombobulating to say the least, so you were determined to hear it straight from the horses mouth.

You rapped on his door, foot tapping impatiently. The few seconds it took for Iida to answer dragged on for what felt like an eternity. When he finally did open the door, a pleasantly surprised look crossed his face upon seeing you.

You held up his note. "Hi. Um, so."

Iida chuckled, cheeks reddening. He gestured you in as he stepped back to his desk, where he produced the letters you had sent. "So."

"Y-you're not messing with me, right?" you asked nervously. "'Cause if you are I'm going to kick you."

"Trust me, everything I wrote is 100% true." He smiled earnestly. "And you...?

"I think those letters are the most honest I've ever been about my feelings ever." you admitted, shifting your weight from foot to foot. A wry smile played on the edges of your lips. "I was drafting you another one, but you just had to go and find me out and ruin it."

"You can still give it to me," Iida said hopefully, palming the back of his neck with his hand, flustered.

You laughed a little, your own cheeks warming up. You twisted the hem of your shirt. "Uh, can I hug you?"

"O-of course!"

You wrapped your arms around Iida's torso, resting your head on his chest, listening to the drumming of his heart. He slowly followed suit, snaking his arms around your shoulders. He let out a contented sigh, relaxing into your touch. He was so warm. He was a cozy fire in the dark of winter, a blissful reprise from a cold and harsh world.

You pursed your lips, stifling a snicker. I've gotta write that down.

[flowers-of-io]

This Book Is Full of Lies - Playlist

Lovely and self indulgent playlist for this lovely and self indulgent story I’m writing! Updated with every chapter. Spotify link.

Chapter 1: Exordium

New Ways – Daughter

Washed out brain I live alone alone alone

She only ever wanted to carve out a meaning for herself, a life of more than just stone and darkness; but now, looking around her marble court, at rocks suspended in vacuum and dried trees curling their roots around crumbling structures, something in her writhes.

The Fires I Started – Unwoman

And they would all see my unserious desperation As my arms unfurl to retrieve words already spilled All the fires I ever started can't begin to warm me

What is this feeling?

Chapter 2: Bright Things

Remain Nameless – Florence + the Machine

I wish to remain nameless And live without shame ‘Cause what’s in a name, boy I still remain the same

The silver barrel still feels heavy upon Ór’s palm – unfitting in her grip, beautiful and wrong. She wonders how to explain this to him so he would understand.

The Maze – Stars

And then the stars erupted From the blackest sky I’ve seen And I fell into a dream

Finally, he reaches—fingers brushing the stock—and when his hand closes around it, there is a sudden pull, a grip on Ór’s chest, sending her crashing towards the floor. For a second, all she sees is white.

Mo Tze – Alan Silvestri

She dreams of orange seas and love and eating stars.

Chapter 3: Watchtower

Control – Halsey

Damn right, you should be scared of me

She had only been testing her ground when they stepped in, so amusingly certain of having stopped a calamity—how they celebrated, drunkenly thrashing in the grass like worms on rotting scran!

Long Way Home – Plastic

By the rain, by the trite poems Don’t you think about return?

The ahamkara purrs again, sensing yearning.

Chapter 4: Little Broken Thing

Show Yourself – Idina Menzel, Evan Rachel Wood

Come, my darling, homeward bound

She raises a claw, elegant and scalpel-sharp, to drag it all the way through the vision and watch it fray at the seams—but nothing happens, and the woman just keeps smiling that motherly smile, and Savathûn feels her worm tremble.

Song to the Siren – Rose Betts

I'm as puzzled as a newborn child I'm as riddled as the tide

But the icy grip of fear tightens around her core. Something is not right. She cannot feel the flow of tribute demanded from those failing to fool her, and neither senses the worm biting into her as when her cunning is surpassed. The vacancy startles her, like missing a step. There is no shroud, no faux sheen to this world; just a single, thinly-woven layer, soft under her fingers.

Astronomical – SVRCINA

This pull is astronomical

And Savathûn hates hates hates herself, because her first impulse is to raise her own and take it, and fighting the desire feels like fighting gravity.

Chapter 5: The Wager

100 Years – Florence + the Machine

Try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light And the days will become endless And never, and never turn to night

What would she do, she thinks, or rather tries to convince herself to any other reasoning than the one she already feels rooted deeply into her core.

Maker of My Sorrow – Eliza Rickman

He had an angry head He had a heavy heart to hold Poison in the spring

How she wishes she could prove him wrong, flaunt her peace of mind in front of him as a statement, a shield to protect her pride—she needs him and it infuriates her, more so that he is surely well aware of that. She has always needed him when the storm hit, like a white cane to feel for traps in the darkness, a semblance of confidence if she has ever had one.

Chapter 6: Icing

Earth – Sleeping At Last

Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house But I put it out of my mind […] ‘Till the sirens sound, I'm safe

“You will be free,” she whispers, staring right at its eyeless face, “Or dead. Which is in itself a dreadful kind of freedom.”

Black Water – Of Monsters And Men

But I'm ready To suffer the sea Black water Take over

The Wizard’s song swells and glimmers in the air, and a single crack runs across the surface of the crystal like through an eggshell. Savathûn realises she is clutching one of her very many necklaces and releases the grip.

How Not To Drown – CHVRCHES feat. Robert Smith

That was the first time I knew They were out for blood And they would have your guts

This too shall pass, she spits in hatred, there will be freedom and death and freedom yet—

Chapter 7: Bad Beat

Breath of Life – Florence + the Machine

And the fever began to spread From my heart down to my legs But the room is so quiet

All that happens next takes less than a second. She feels the Phalanx’s arm move under her knee, and a fountain of blood spurts from his wounded side as he strains his entire body to slightly lift himself up. Then there is a gunshot, and a burst of Light.

Shots  – Imagine Dragons

From the second that I was born, it seems I had a loaded gun And then I shot, shot Shot a hole through everything I loved

Her voice drops, “It is my fault.”

Chapter 8: Airâm

Thousand Eyes – Of Monsters And Men

I lie awake and watch it all It feels like thousand eyes

It is quiet in the Hellmouth; quieter yet in the Catacombs, with the suffocating pull of the Pyramid tugging at her core and dust that swirls lazily in the stuffy air around her. Red and hollow-eyed nightmares part as she walks, and each of them bears the face of her brother.

Chapter 9: Bow and Dagger

Waiting for the Snow – Of Monsters And Men

I used to make mountains But then they grew bigger than me I thought that I’d climb my way up high But what if I tumble?

Runi watches her for a moment; she feels the weight of his gaze on the side of her face. Then he says, finally, “Why are you doing this?”

Once Upon a Dream – Lana Del Rey

I know you That gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

As she drifts off in her jumpship, under the Reef’s purple sky swirling outside the windshield, she has a dream.

Tuesday – Hans Zimmer, Tom Holkenborg

She does not hear the roar of the wave before it breaks, and when she turns her head to see the violent tide rushing in towards them, it is already too late.

Chapter 10: Death, Rewritten

So Far So Fast – The National

Hearing you talk always saves me Can you get away and talk to me?

She collapses against his chest, shivering.

Chapter 11: Proof Against Despair

Storm Song – PHILDEL

I'll send a storm to capture your heart and bring you home

A blinding-bright ball of Light hurls towards Savathûn, silver tail blazing behind it like a comet. It splashes against her chitin chestplate, and room erupts in white as the Witch-Queen reels. There is no ceiling above her anymore.

Forgiven – Within Temptation

Couldn't save you from the start Love you so it hurts my soul Can you forgive me for trying again? Your silence makes me hold my breath

“YOU DID IT!” Savathûn roars. “I saw you looming in the sky, a mockery of salvation! It’s your fault! YOU WEREN’T FAST ENOUGH!”

“I tried to tell you,” the Gardener whispers. Her white eyes are brimming with tears. “Why didn’t you listen, child?”

[megumi-stan]

|Soothe Me | M.F x Reader

A/N: It’s Soft Megumi hours! This was supposed to be a NSFW piece, but it was just so sweet i didn’t want to take the story there and distract from his loving and overall caring energy! 

All characters are aged up in this story! Also, quick reminder that I’m open for requests :) 

Dedication: Thank you so much @timewehad​ for sending such a sweet ask! You definitely motivated me to finish this thing i started a few days ago and completely forgot in my drafts! 

Fighting curses for a living had a price. Besides the constant endangerment of your life.

Sore muscles.

Every time you bent down to tie your shoes, seven different muscles pulled painfully and at least ten vertebrae locked in place, forcing your body into a struggle to straighten itself. If you could walk just looking at the floor without it being weird, you wouldn’t bother to endure the hell that came with a straight spine. If only you had eyes in the top of your head like some of those slimy creatures you fought regularly, your life would be ten times easier.

After one particular busy night, your bed was calling your name. Busy in the sense that little weak curses kept popping around every corner nonstop, like a wicked game of whack-a-mole, only without the hammer. If you had one of those at hand, you surely would feel a lot less stressed. Something about smashing things was an exceptional way to relieve pent-up frustrations.

Walking up to your bed proved to be an arduous task, with your stiff legs and trembling muscles, but slowly you made progress. Your chest felt like it was about to cave in from exhaustion as you were slightly aware of the shower running and Megumi’s soft voice mumbling the lyrics of some cheesy 80’s love song he unexpectedly knew the lyrics of.

The soft comforter brushed your legs when you got to the bedside, and with no grace flopped down face first into it. You tried to kick off your slippers, but failed terribly as they refused to let go of your feet, so giving up you just left your legs dangling off the side.

Megumi’s sweet singing and the storm outside was a perfect recipe for sleeping, and right at that moment sleeping was all you could manage. Lulled, you drifted off into the place between dream and reality, still slightly aware of everything going around you but too busy making up fictional scenarios where you were laying on Megumi’s chest as a soft warm breeze ruffled your hair and the smell of ocean drowned the smell of coffee that lingered in your bedroom.

“What are you doing?” The fog dissipated, and suddenly you were face to face with your boyfriend.

Megumi had gotten out of the shower and was crouching down on the floor. A soft smile curved the tip of his full lips and amusement glinted in his eyes. Your eyes scanned his face and traveled lower, to the sharp curve of his jaw and the smooth skin of his throat. Drops of water still clung to his bare chest and glistened under the warm light of lamp resting on your bedside table. He looked like one of those greek gods you often appreciated in old paintings, all hard muscle but with a peaceful aura surrounding him, looking like he was a minute away from growing wings and taking off into the sunlight.

You hummed in acknowledgment and turned to your side, ten different vertebrae and a shoulder blade popping in the process. You winced, eyes drifting shut at the sharp spike of pain followed by the bliss of relieved pressure off of your nerves.

“Well, that sounded painful...” His fingers brushed a stray strand of hair out of your eyes and they lingered on your cheekbone, tracing idle circles on your skin.  “I’m assuming work was a pain on your ass, huh?” Leaning in, his mouth lingered above your brow for a millisecond before pressing a chaste kiss on your forehead. His breath tickled you and warmth blossomed in your heart.

He got up and walked to the pile of clothes resting stop of a chair in the room’s corner. Your eyes followed his figure and never once blinked as you took in his graceful strides and the patch of pale skin often hidden by his pants, but now on full display because of the towel that hung dangerously low on his hips. He always complain about the word “beautiful” every time you used it next to the “you are”. He would argue non stop, stating you were just trying to boost his ego, but you never once found another word to describe him, and somehow you still felt that Beautiful wasn’t enough.

Not even the other girls gawking at him in the streets and shamelessly flirting while you, obviously his partner, stood next to him seemed to prove your point to Megumi. You couldn’t even be angry at the flirts. He was a sight worth of painting, framing, even adoring. He could be a god disguised as a mere mortal for all you knew, and even that would make more sense. It shouldn’t be possible for someone to be as breathtakingly beautiful as he was.

Even casually standing and just roaming through the pile of clothes, he made your stomach curl with something hot and heavy. The muscles on his arms flexed and his shoulder blades moved underneath his skin, doing very interesting things under the dim lights that had you hypnotized, eyes glued to his back and taking in everything they could, committing every single dip and crevice to memory. You could barely breathe while looking at him.

As if he could have felt your eyes on him like a caress, Megumi looked at you from the corner of his eye, a smirk tilted his mouth and a small barely noticeable dimple appeared on his cheek. Your muscles tensed at the sigh, suddenly too hot and bothered to relax when it was obvious he was evening something. The glint in his forest green irises was a dead giveaway.

Sighing intently while his eyes never once left your form, he loosened his grip on the towel. The white fabric slipped across his legs as it came undone and landed at his feet. Traveling the distance your fingers twitched to travel as well. He was sideways, showing you his profile as he grabbed a pair of loose black sweatpants. His well-defined thighs were teasing you, seemingly mocking you along with the deep V on his hip. His position was so that nothing too inappropriate could peek, and you were never awakened as fast as in that moment.

He slipped the pants on, managing not to flash you in the process and came right by your side, the smell of spice and pine from his deodorant enveloped you in a hug as he, in a sweet action that had your belly feeling funny from the amount of butterflies fluttering around, took off your slippers, his fingers casually brushing the arc of your feet and triggering chills down your arms.

“Thank you...” You muttered, turning to lie on your back. Another joint popped, but you couldn’t feel which one it was. Megumi Chuckled at this and shook his head while circling the bed. He sat down with his back against the headboard, going through his phone. His hip bone was leveled with your head and the temptation to just press your lips against it was poking your brain, but your body refused to move a few inches to do so. You were so exhausted and even tho it was worth it you couldn’t for the love of god lift your head from the mattress.

“Tired?” he questioned, while his fingers made their way to your head and sunk into your hair. With knowledge he had from years of dating and even before that when you two were just friends, Megumi’s fingers stroke your scalp, earning a soft hum of approbation from you. You looked up and found his eyes already on you, phone long forgotten because of the new task he had at hands.

“Yeah, a little…” You said, with your eyes fluttering close to enjoy the attention he was giving you.

Megumi patted your head a few times to catch your attention, and when you looked at him, he extended his arms towards you, asking you to get in between them. “Come here…” He invited, a sigh laced in his words.

You tried to push yourself up from the bed, but your treacherous arms failed you, giving up under your weight and sending you face first into your bed.

“Your helpless… You know?” Megumi chuckled under his breath before one of his arms snaked around your waist, his bicep flexing and pulling you onto his lap. Once he had you where he wanted, with your back pressed against his chest and his hands resting on your midriff, he kissed your cheek. Your eyes drifted shut simply enjoying his presence, letting the even rais and fall of his chest calm your mind. “Can i have a kiss?” he muttered, resting his chin on your shoulder, and peering at you with those forest green eyes that seemed to shine, and when he was so tender towards you, how could you deny?

Your chest soared with his words, so you turned your head to meet his awaiting lips, you could almost feel the softness of his mouth when a sharp searing pain stabbed your spine halting your movements as you squeezed your eyes tight. “Shit,” You cursed, pressing your palm against the ache in the back of your neck, hoping it would do something to soothe it.

“Oh, god… Baby, let me see?” Megumi’s fingers pried yours away and then brushed your hair away. His fingers thumb brushed your skin two times over the spot you were holding, and even though it still hurt, his concern seemed to tone the pain down a little.. “Does this hurts?” He applied a little more pressure and when you didn’t wince he kept going, tracing circles and working to erase the knots and kinks that bothered you. “Lean forwards for me…”

Doing just what Fushiguro instructed, you leaned forwards as he shifted underneath you. Suddenly you were no longer sitting on top of his legs but instead sitting in the mattress while his thighs circled yours, pressing against them and allowing his warmth to seep into your legs through the fabric of your jeans.

His other hand soon joined, and his fingers massaged your shoulders and neck intently. You could still feel the burn and sometimes when he pressed a little to hard on a specially sore spot you would yelp and try to get away from him, but he was fast to apologizes and land a kiss on the side of your neck.

You two spent fifteen minutes in that comfortable silence, until he perked up and and halted his movements

“I know what to do… Hold on a minute.” He shuffled behind you and leaped out of the bed, walking away into the bathroom without any explanation.

You just sat there, waiting, and wondering if he had some kind of lotion or cream to help you. You couldn’t recall ever seeing one in the shelves, but he often bought things and forget about them hours later.

The sound of running water rushed out and drowned the silence. You counted on your head, one minute, two, three… Still no signs of Megumi coming back to bed.

“Megumi?” Your answer came in the form of footsteps. Coming out of the room, he smiled at you as he approached. “What are you doing…?”

“Come here…” He said, not answering your question and scooping you up in his arms. On instinct your legs circled his waist while he supported your weight with his hands underneath your thighs.

“Megumi!” You laughed, surprised, clinging to his shoulders while he walked you two back into the steamed filled bathroom. The scent of flowers was what hit you first, closely followed by the sight of a filled tub with bubbles. “What?… Did you do this?” You asked in wonder, feeling cupid just shot another dozen arrows into your already pierced heart.

“Of course… You’re not feeling well, and a warm bath is a wonderful solution.” Pride shone in his eyes. He lowered you on the edge and took a step back. “Get in, and I’ll be right back.” He moved towards the door but hesitated before exiting the room. “Can you take off your clothes? Because I wouldn’t mind helping you out with that…”

“Oh god…” Embarrassment hit you like a wave and you covered your heated face with your hands. “That won’t be necessary, thank you. “

“Just looking out for my girl.” the dimple appeared again, and you almost wanted to crawl under the water to hide from the embarrassment. Even after all this time, he still earned a reaction from you.

“I’m sure you do.”

His laugh lingered in the air as he exited, and with shaky fingers you unbuttoned your jeans and slipped them off. The muscles on your back pulled as your pulled the hem of your shirt over your head, but you endured it. The sweet call of the warm water had you stripped down and inside the tub in no time.

Bubbles covered your chest as the heat from the water seeped into your body, the water brushed your chin as you just felt all the exhaustion from the day drain out of your body. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you lounged in the water like a tea bag without a care in the world.

“Comfortable?” Looking up, he was next to you once again.

“Very...”

He tapped something on his phone, and a soft guitar strummed. He placed it on the mirror shelf before grabbing the elastic of his pants. Noticing he was actually pulling them down, you turned away, covering your eyes.

“What are you doing!?” You asked, startled.

“Well... You seriously don’t expect me to get in with my pants on, do you?” He said matter-of-factly. And a shiver raced down your arms, while a heated wave pooled at the pit of your stomach.

“Are you getting in? You just showered! ” You stole a glance at him, forcing your gaze to stay on his face.

“Yes, but then you weren’t sitting in the bathroom with this much skin exposed... are you really embarrassed?” Laughing kicked the garment off. “You just watched me change a few minutes ago.”

“Shut up, Megumi.” You whined, fighting the urge to let your eyes roam.

“Come on, scoot over.” He laughed. “ I’m worried your might combust from embarrassment.”

Sighing, you moved forwards on the tub, letting enough space for him to sit behind you. The water rippled around you before you felt his soft skin brushing your bare back. His hands found yours and laced your fingers together.

“Better?”

“Yes, thank you, love...” You whispered, bringing your joined hands to your mouth and kissing his knuckles. Scars from past battles scattered the surface but you could only a testimony of his strength.

“Of course.” He squeezed you against his chest for a few heartbeats before asking. “Do you mid if I wash your hair?”

A heat that had nothing to do with the water temperature and all with the rumble of his words crept from your toes to your neck.

“I think I’d like that.”

Grabbing the bottle of shampoo, he dropped some of it on his palm and then he started robbing your scalp in lazy circles, his nails gently scraping it. You could feel his head swinging to the beat of the song sounding in the bathroom, before his voiced joined in.

Lyrics about love and happiness tumbled out of his mouth with a subtle rasp to them. And suddenly you were back to thinking about your dream, the one with beaches and warmth. Maybe a vacation wouldn’t hurt... You considered bringing it up, but the atmosphere was too serene to disrupt it with questions about his schedule. If you asked, it meant he had to stop singing in order to answer you, and that was the last thing you wanted at the moment.

Surely it was the warm water and his fingers, but sitting there listening to his voice and feeling his breath brushing your face, you concluded that Megumi’s mere presence was all you needed to feel better.

[abluescarfonwaston]

Hi! So, um,, I know this isn't something you should ask a writer so please feel free to ignore this. I was wondering,, , your "the white wolves" story has brought me so much joy and I am grateful that you wrote it! I was just wondering, if you're not going to finish it (this isn't meant to pressure you. If you don't want to finish it that is 100% fine and your choice and I'm thankful for the five chapters you gave us!!!) so, anyway, I was wondering what the conclusion was going to be? If you're comfortable answering that. If not, that's absolutely fine of course and I'm sorry for asking.

Thank you so much for your lovely stories and I hope you're having a wonderful day!

Okay first off, we're totally cool don't even worry about it. I am always touched people still care about and think about an unfinished piece from like 10 months ago. And now that I have seen that it's almost been a year I feel it is important to point out that while this fic has clearly been physically abandoned, it has not been emotionally. Or Else I would not have spent the last hour pacing back and forth angrily lamenting that I do not have more hands. I do not want to provide you with an unsatisfactory summary in an undercut about how the story was going to unfold. It is not that I mind sharing these details - I have done so to others who have asked. It's just that admitting something I still love so dearly may never get done hurts.

Hopefully one day I will find that voice again.

Spoilers for a fic that will (probably) never get finished under the cut. It is 2.6k and includes most of the final section.

The next sequence in the story is them all taking a nap on the side of the road. Jaskier gets up and calls Yennifer for help. Do you know that part in the books where Yennifer saves Dandelion and he doesn't know why? Because I owed you one. You kept him from being alone. I think about that alot. I think that's why she comes. Not then. She meets them at the keep in a few days time. She is too tired to arrive before then.

There is a scene of the four of them in an inn. Of Ciri, afraid to sleep least she destroy the inn like she destroyed that forested grove. We have a moment when he looks at candle on the inn nightstand and remembers a inn fire that almost killed him and how he hadn't wanted to sleep in an inn ever again. (I foreshadowed it. It's allowed. I once read that Regis saved Dandelion from an inn fire. I thought it was canon. I know its not. I think. I only ever read the short stories. They sit on my shelf. One day I'll read them.) He understands. Still he tucks her in and tells her it will be alright. That is the empty words of adults who lie to children that they think do not know better. No. It is the empty words of a bard whose job is to write lullabies that get children to bed on time. Besides it will be fine. Even if things go bad, we will be with you the entire time.

These are the two scenes I largely blame for the fact I stopped writing this fic. I got stuck on Yennifer's conversation and then wasn't sure how to get that inn scene to actually play out. Anyway. Back to the part you were actually asking about. What's the deal with the wolves? Both of them.

They arrive at the keep. They are greeted and loved and yeered at and pestered. Jaskier is nervous and concerned as he eyes the silver in their blades. It is strange they believe the doppler. But he was a very good Doppler. He digs his fingers into white fur. Remember you promised. You promised you were him. Don't let it be a lie.

And oh I have lost the voice but they are in the great hall with Vesemir and Eskel and Lambert and Geralt and Geralt and Yennifer. She peers into his eyes and does not reveal him. Silver medallions brush against skin and he does not flinch or melt. Geralt of Rivia is Geralt of Rivia. Of this there is no doubt.

The conversation turns to Ciri and Jaskier quietly slips out. It is snowing, just a few flurries on the still air. The wolf flows him to the room they set their bags in. Geralt's room.

This was not how it was meant to go. This is not how it was meant to go. Yennifer was supposed to look at the doppler and then at him and go what the hell and they would slip away and break the curse on the wolf - on Geralt. And they would quietly change hands. The Doppler into the wolf. The wolf into Geralt. Ciri would not know of the quiet deception they had pulled. The magicians trick with revolving mirrors.

Because clearly the doppler loved them. Because clearly the doppler had chosen them. Do you ever think about how in the short story Geralt is ready to kill the doppler that wears his face and it knows this because it is also him so it turns into Dandelion. Because he Knows Geralt would never hurt Dandelion? It's falling in with a lie. It is so easy to in love with a lie. Jaskier knows this.

It was supposed to be like this. Laying in a bed in the Keep with a white wolf next to him. Playing ballads for Geralt and Yennifer and Ciri and not hurting. Because he'd lay next to the wolf at night and bury his face in its fur. And in the spring they would run off to the coast together. You can wear a different face, whatever one you'd like, and will prove to you again and again that I still love you.

I am good at loving people. You know this about me. I might not be able to love you first. That might be why you love me. Because I loved Geralt of Rivia first. So completely that whatever motive you had you abandoned for the sake of it. For the taste of it. I know what it is like to want so desperately to be loved. Wearing different faces and personalities in the chance that someone might.

I know that very well.

But unlike you I'm always still just Jaskier.

The wolf slips in the door behind him.

Jaskier rounds on him. 'What the actual fuck? What the fuck are you? You Promised me. You Promised me you were him." The medallion bounces off his chest and he hates it. Rips it from his neck and brandishes it like a weapon. "I kept this for you! I thought you were him! You promised me you were him! What are you?! I told you I would help you even if you weren't him! Why?!"

The circle of the medallion cuts into his hand.

"Is this funny to you? Bringing me all the way up here and making me look a fool?! Making me watch Geralt picker her Again? Is this funny to you? You and this sadistic game?!"

And he throws the medallion. It hits the wolf dead on. Hit's his bowed forehead. Right between the eyes. Just in front of his flattened ears.

He has always been a good shot.

It is snowing outside. Just a few more flurries. The winter stretches out, immeasurably long in front of him.

He knows who Geralt chooses. That those 'I love you's are lies. No. Not lies. Geralt did not mean to lie. Not intentional. But it was so easy when your heart is broken to bury yourself in someone that does. Love you. Drowning men love life boats but they'd much rather be on the ship that cast them out.

He knows. It exactly what he was doing too.

I love you doppler. I could love you too.

The winter stretches immeasurably long in front of him.

"I can't do this." There is a bag in his hand. A case. "I can't do this."

There is a whine but he does not hear it as he rushes out the door. He can't do this. Down the stone hall. Wind whips through a hairline fracture in the Keeps walls and cuts his cheeks red where they are wet. He can't do this. Out the doors. Through the large wooden gates. He can't do this.

The winter stretches immeasurably long in front of him.

In the great hall a sickening feeling curdles in Geralt's gut. Honestly its seeing Yennifer again. This is all so wildly out of hand. Even if he knows they need her. That Ciri needs her.

"It's startin' to snow. Your idiot better come back soon."

"What?" He turned to Lambert who had curled up in a mountain of blankets in the window nearest the fire.

"Said it's starting to snow, dumbass."

"No the other part."

"Peacock left a while ago. Think he had the right idea. If I'd know she was coming I'd have stayed down south."

"What?" Snow was coming down hard. Big wet flakes. Could hardly see the keep walls through them. "Why didn't you say so sooner?!"

He shrugged. "His dog went after him."

His gut does a funny thing then. It eases in relief before his brain catches up and yanks tight in terror.

The wolf went after Jaskier.

Jaskier is alone.

With the wolf.

In a snow storm.

Jaskier is is alone in a snow storm. He walks down the mountain alone. As he knew he would. Why did he think it would be any different this time? Why does he never learn? He is a fool.

The wind picks up. The snow buries the path. He huddles in a protected alcove and wishes he'd been thinking clearly enough to steal one of Geralt's cloaks. Just to be petty.

He is probably going to freeze on this mountain. Walking down it alone. He might die. But even if he doesn't something will have died. Something in his chest that he cradled like wounded bird.

How many times must you touch fire, how many times must you be burned before you learn? How many times Jaskier? How many times?

He pulled his doublet tighter around him.

Just the one more time it seemed. Just once more.

Barking. Just one voice barking. Barking into the snow and wind in the distance.

Are you looking for your pack? Did you get lost? Separated? I hope they find you. I hope they answer you. I wish I had a pack to call out to.

The snow drifts down in heavy blankets and there is nothing to do but sleep. All he wants to do is sleep.

There is warmth in his dreams. Heavy and warm and soft and reeking of wet dog and something deeper. Something less domesticated and tame.

"You found him?"

Geralt's voice. Deep and soft. Reaches him. Buried in the snow. Cruel and kind in equal measure. To make him hear that voice before he, probably, dies.

"... Thank you."

There is a gasp. He recognizes it. That shocked little inhale of Geralt's.

"I think... That druid overpaid."

He wakes up to a stone ceiling. To thick and heavy furs covering him. to a wolf pressed into his side. To a man known as the white wolf pressed into the other.

Words will find him soon. But for now they are held back by a dam of confusion and exhaustion.

Geralt reaches an arm over him and scratches at the wolf's forehead. "Hm." Got it. The hum says. The same one he uses when Jaskier reminds him to pick something up in town. Hm. Got it.

The dam breaks.

"Oh so you're just okay with each other now? Everything is hunky dory? Jaskier goes out into a snow storm and you drag him - Unwillingly mind you - back here and now you're best fucking friends?! Well it's not all A-O-Kay over here so perhaps you might let me up so I can demand Yennifer do me the solid of getting me out of this godforsaken keep?" He wiggled under the mountain of blankets that held him captive.

"Wha-" Geralt's hand pressed down on his chest. Preventing escape.

"Or you know just go back to the love of your life, take your one goddamn blessing and leave me be!"

"Jask-"

"Oh don't give me that- you're gonna run right off after Yennifer and we both know it and you," Glared. Bared his teeth at the wolf. "Are a lying manipulative bastard and I hope she turns you into a gnat or a pigeon or - or something!"

"Jaskier!"

His jaw clicked closed. He did not soften his gaze.

"We- He - it's not. He didn't lie."

He scowled harder at Geralt.

"You remember that druid Ciri told you I helped?"

"... Vaguely."

A woman and woman who was not her wife. But was. In his story, in his song, he would tell it as if she was.

You saved my heart, I don't know what I'd have done if she. She. Witcher how can I ever repay you?

What food do you have on you?

Uh.

Fine. We don't have time. Don't tell them which way have gone.

No that's not- perhaps the law of su-

No. No. Lie. That will be enough.

It's not!

"He," Nodded to the wolf. "Was how she decided to pay."

He studied Geralt. Then the wolf. Their matching golden eyes.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Geralt grimaced. Hair falling over his face. "He's a familiar. She made him for me. Of me."

He studied the wolf again, distrustingly. "How does that work?"

Shrugged a shoulder. "You'd have to ask Yen."

"Don't care that much." He tried to wave his hand and the idea off but couldn't get it free from the covers. "Shouldn't you have known then? If he's made of you?"

"We weren't... connected. You have to. Touch."

"Oh and she thought you'd just go out of your way to touch a big white wolf? Honestly what was the plan there? You'd have just killed the damn thing."

"Mhmm."

"Seriously what kind of mad man goes out and pets a two hundred pound wolf? Could have at least tied a note to its neck for explanation before setting it loose on the countryside, wandering around looking for you."

"It wasn't..." He hummed his prodding question. "Looking for me. That's not what it was supposed to do."

"And pray tell what was it supposed to do?"

Geralt was quiet. The charged quiet that said he knew the answer but didn't want to tell him.

Eventually. With a fair bit of glaring and wiggling on his part, he answered.

"She was repaying the favor."

"Oh and what's that supposed to mean?! What you saved her partner and she sent the wolf to go out and save yours?" He scoffed. "What did she magic you 'a white wolf to protect your heart when you could not?' as you did for her? Is that it? Absolutely absurd, I wouldn't write that drivel."

Neither Geralt met his eye.

"Geralt...?"

"That's..." He ducked his head. "Hm."

Right.

"But then why-"

A wolf appears in the darkness. All white fur and golden eyes. Protects him from the bandits. Brings him a rabbit when his stomach growls.

I love you Jaskier. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize.

They lay on the bedroll and Geralt kisses him like a thousand drunken kisses. Like a thousand sober ones. And the wolf follows after Ciri and comforts her when they cannot.

The wolf seeks him out in that ruined clearing while Geralt cradles Ciri. While Geralt debates with Yennifer and Vesemir over Ciri's fate. Her training.

I love you Jaskier.

Protect his heart, white wolf, when he cannot.

"Oh."

He let his head fall to the side. Watched Geralt watch him with those golden eyes he had memorized decades ago. Listened to the sound of his breathing that was more familiar than his own.

"Tell me again."

Geralt cocked his head a fraction. Brow furrowed in confusion.

"Tell me again, what I did not believe. If it is true. Tell me again. Geralt of Rivia."

"Tell you...?"

"I love you, Geralt. Despite all sense and reason. Do not lie to me. Do not pretend if I am fated to walk down that mountain alone again. Do not lie to me."

His eyes widened. He pushed himself up and over him. Caged him in his muscular, scarred arms. Shoved the wolf aside.

It grumbled. Huffed. Walked out of the room. Towards Ciri. Towards his heart.

"Jaskier. I love you." He said again.

And this time. This time he believed him.

"Then, You absolute fool and dullard." With only Geralt to hold him down he worked his arms free. Held Geralt's head in his hands. Traced the stubble of his jaw that he could, if he needed to, shave blind. From memory alone. "Kiss me. I have waited long enough."

Geralt leaned down and did.

He remembered the barking of a single wolf. It's howls into the storm. Searching for its pack.

I hope your pack finds you. He wished to its unseen form.

Mine did.

[hatterstan-shameblog]

💫✨💕send this to ten bloggers you think are wonderful. keep the game going 💕✨

You infected my brain with hatter stuff

You will be hearing from my attorneys

And by attorneys, I mean random thoughts that pop in my head

Good day!

That’s it, you’re getting

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hatter Has Definitely Kissed Every Executive At Least Once And This Is How It Went:  Niragi Edition

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Rating: PG-13

Tags: violence, language, death threats, dubious consent (tagging that just to be safe), creative problem solving

Summary: Violence isn’t always the answer, but it’s usually some part of the equation (at least, it is in the Borderlands…)

“Ah, Mori, so nice of you to—“

“Shut the fuck up!”

There is an old adage—timing is everything in life—and that sentiment is truer today than ever before.

At least, it is for Aguni.

He has managed to show up in the meeting room just in time to witness Niragi holding a very loaded rifle right below Takeru’s jaw. The energy in the room hums tense and hot; one strike of a match and the whole place might explode.

“Put the gun down,” Aguni growls, mood shifting from ‘mildly annoyed’ to ‘enraged concern,’ “or I’ll snap your goddamn spine—“

“Now, now, there’s no need for all of that,” Takeru placates, “Our friend Niragi is just expressing himself.”

“I’m gonna express your brains all over the fucking wall if you don’t stop fucking talking,”

“Such a vivid description,” Takeru muses, cocking his head to one side and eyeing Niragi curiously, “is there something about the sight of blood that you find exciting? Not necessarily in a sexual way; although it’s perfectly fine if that’s the case—“

“Stop playing with him,” Aguni interrupts with an exasperated roll of his eyes. He turns his attention to Niragi and points an accusatory finger directly at his chest.

“And you,” Aguni seethes, “you’ve got until the count of three to put the gun down and step away before I snap your neck—“

“You will do no such thing,” Takeru gently chides, giving a soft smile, “I have everything under control.”

“Yeah,” Niragi taunts, sneering at Aguni, “this is none of your fucking business.”

“The hell it isn’t,” Aguni grumbles, clenching his fists at his sides and clenching his jaw. He’s just about to storm his way over and wrestle the gun from Niragi’s devious grip when Takeru holds up his hand in a bid to stop his approach.

“Do you remember our last trip to Sendai,” Takeru asks, furrowing his brow as he tries to remember the details, “it’s been…oh, a good five years since then. Maybe six, I can’t quite recall at the moment.”

“The fuck you talking about?”

“We stayed at that lovey little inn, just outside the city center,” Takeru reminisces, paying no mind to his confused assailant’s question, “we were lucky enough to catch the autumn leaves just before they began to fall. Magical experience, I so hope to go back some day…”

“Pretty sure the yakuza won’t let you back in,” Aguni adds, “barely got away as is.”

“But I did get away,” Takeru reminds him, sounding very pleased with himself, “And, if you can recall, I used a rather effective method of escape.”

“Whatever you did for those clowns won’t fucking work on me,” Niragi insists, pressing the barrel of the gun even harder against Takeru’s skin.

“I’m not so sure,” Takeru hums, “you seem like the type of man who’d be receptive to a…softer approach.”

To illustrate his point, Takeru puckers his lips and releases them with a an audible ‘pop’—an imitation of a kiss, complete with a cheeky wink thrown in at the end.

Niragi looks horrified.

“Did he,” Niragi asks, voice scratched thin as if on the verge of a screech, “fucking…make out with the goddamn yakuza?”

“Yes,” Aguni confirms solemnly, “yes, he did.”

“And it worked! Splendidly, too, I might add,” Takeru exclaims excitedly, “Almost as magical as the changing trees.”

“Takeru,” Aguni grits, “that’s not gonna work here…”

“You’re goddamn right it’s not,” Niragi spits, eyes narrowing into two knife-sharp slits, “ugly-ass motherfucker like you couldn’t even make me blink twice.”

“You’re a man who knows what he likes. I appreciate that,” Takeru says coolly, letting his gaze slip over the gun-wielding maniac in front of him, “just like I appreciate the occasional wager. I don’t suppose you’d be interested in that sort of thing, would you?”

“Takeru,” Aguni hisses, “he’s got you at gunpoint—“

“Shut the fuck up,” Niragi jabs in Aguni’s direction, before turning his attention to Takeru once more, “Gimme your terms. I wanna hear what kind of stupid-ass ideas you got.”

Takeru smirks.

“Nothing too complicated. You let me kiss you,” he explains, “and, if I don’t have you falling to your knees by the time I’m done, you can shoot me as many times as you like. I’ll even have Mori here give you his pocket knife so you can do some slicing, if you like. Could get some really unique blood spatters on the rug that way, like a Jackson Pollock.”

Takeru’s smirk tightens as Niragi imagines the scenario—no doubt in gory, brilliant technicolor, with all the drama and carnage a young man of his macabre inclinations could possibly dream of.

“Of course,” Takeru adds, “if I do manage to succeed, you let me go. No penalties, no petty revenge; we walk out of here as friendly as ever, and none shall be the wiser.”

Niragi snorts.

“Un-fucking-likely. But you know what? I’m feeling fucking generous.”

Niragi lowers the gun a smidge—just enough to allow Takeru some head movement—and shoots him a chilling smile.

“Give it your best shot, old man,” he says, “unless you’re too much of a fucking pussy…”

“I assure you, darling, that I most certainly am not,” Takeru replies.

He brings a hand up to Niragi’s face and very gently pushes a loose strand of hair behind his ear—a gesture which earns him a confused frown and furrowed, pierced brow.

“For fuck’s sake,” Aguni mumbles from the sidelines, watching as Takeru’s hand snakes around the nape of Niragi’s neck and cradles it like he would with any other lover, “are you seriously gonna—“

And, yes; apparently Takeru is ‘seriously gonna’ because he does. His opposite hand has wrapped around Niragi’s waist and pulls him sharply towards himself. The hand at Niragi’s nape performs a similar, albeit more tender, motion, guiding Niragi to kiss him fully and passionately on the mouth.

Niragi closes his eyes—whether instinctually or from the reluctant pleasure of being kissed by a man he had until this point considered his enemy, he can’t be sure. All he does is feel, letting Takeru slip his clever tongue between his lips and trying not to groan at the flush of heat flaring in his face.

A swift jab to his right kidney has him yelping out in pain, while a firm stomp to his foot has his knees buckling and his throat screeching in pain.

Niragi crashes to the floor in a messy, loose-limbed heap. His gun falls to the side and is quickly kicked just out of reach by a casual, flip-flopped foot.

Niragi looks up to see a smug-looking Takeru staring down at him.

“And that’s how we do it in Kabukicho, bitch.”

“Not fucking fair,” Niragi wheezes in protest, arm twisting so he can clutch at his aching back, “you…cheating bastard.”

Takeru picks up the discarded gun and hands it to Aguni, who snatches it from his grip with an angry grimace.

“I may be a bastard, but not a cheating one,” Takeru gloats as he watches Aguni unload the bullets from the gun’s chamber, “I kissed you, you fell to your knees, end of story. I won fair and square.”

Aguni hands the bullets to Takeru, who pockets them with a certain measure of glee.

“If it makes you feel better, I had a lovely time,” Takeru says, “I don’t often come across tongue piercings, so that was quite a treat.”

“I’ll…fucking…kill you!”

“Not today, you won’t,” Aguni says, kicking the unloaded gun back to the floor-dwelling man, “Meanwhile, I suggest you try to get some sleep while you’re down there; you just doubled your patrol duty for the next three nights, so you’ll need all the rest you can get.”

Niragi immediately dissolves into angry, breathless protests, even going so far as to pound his fist on the floor in rage. Aguni remains unswayed, and motions for Takeru to follow him out of the room.

“Brilliant addition, old friend,” Takeru commends Aguni, patting him on the shoulder thrice as they begin to make their way out of the room, “shall we do lunch?”

“Fine,” Aguni agrees, “but you and I are going to have a serious talk about risk management…”

And the two men exit the room, chatting as if they hadn’t just been part of a life-and-death experience, leaving Niragi to gather himself and his pride from the floor.

[waywardimpalawriter]

Could you do a Bucky/Reader fic for 16 on the smut prompts?

The intimacy of shaving

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader, Sam Wilson x Reader

Bucky Bingo Square: New haircut square

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Sarah Wilson

Setting: three months after the end of Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Rating: M (Mature), E (explicit), NSFW, +18 only please

Warnings: fluff, angst, bickering, smut, oral female receiving, yearning, pining, unrequited love, smutty dreams, broken bones, mention of torture, Bucky’s old memories,

Word count: 10,800

Summary: Frustrated with being left behind, worry taking hold after finding out just a fraction of how bad your boys are. Making you start to search your feeling's for both men. Especially with the intimacy of giving Bucky a hair cut and shave. Unexpected emotions surface on all parts.

Notes: Sequel too “My own worse enemy," filling in a bingo square for #buckybingo and also an Anon request asking for smut prompt #16 “I’m going to die if you don’t let me cum.” Hope you don't mind me adding Sam into the mix sweetie. Also for my head cannon Sam uses Delacroix LA for his base of operation. Wanting to help take care of his family while taking on the mantle of Captain America. Hope you enjoyed doll.

Tag list’s: Are open

@buckybingo

Forever’s: @jedi-mando @chickensarentcheap

Bucky Barnes list: @learisa @eclipses-and-moondust

Story list: @sammyissassy @feelmyroarrrr

Wearing a path from the kitchen to living room ignoring Sarah’s stare, thumb nail damn near nibbled to the bed with how much your chewing the poor abused finger. Cell phone pressed to your ear, listening to Sams deep baritone, “What’d ya mean three places Samuel? How the f-ing hell did you both managed to get so banged up?”

“Explanations will roll out once we touch down Y/N for now know at least he didn’t break his funny bone that’s still none existence,” glancing towards Bucky stretched out over the metal helo bench. Right arm in a sling snug to his body, thick plaster cast covering from mid bicep to mid palm, fingers still visible.

“I heard that and I do to have a sense of humor just not your brand of stupid jokes bird brain,” deep voice unmistakably Bucky’s catching a wobble in the cadence not there when last they spoke.

Swiping a hand over your face wanting to kill them both for leaving you behind. Plans to do just that forming in your mind while snarking, “Remind me again why exactly you chose to leave me behind?”

Staying home you could’ve possibly worked with, the unknown danced on your nerves more than you’d give credit to. Having grown even closer to both men over the last six months, always brushing those pesky feelings and thoughts away that surface during weak moments of worry or sleep.

“To dangerous and I’m not arguing with you on those semantics it’s bad enough cyborg got the shit beaten out of him,” quickly pulling the phone from his ear at the high pitched sound from down the line. Forgetting a moment your attachment to both men, “You finished?”

Low growl in answer, biting off the curses you wish to fling at both Captain America and the Winter Soldier. “Don’t worry you’re in for it once you get home. ETA?” Checking the watch strapped to your left wrist, “I’ll come pick y’all up, gotta stop in town for supplies anyway.”

“No worries my trucks at base I’ll get Buck and myself home.” Glancing at his watch, “Landing in about two hours, think you can grab a couple of Miss Bridgette’s pecan pies?”

Too many years working with that man not to know what he likes, “For the shit you and Barnes pulled get your own pie man.” Soft chuckles lets you know Sarah heard you. Eyes locking with her’s for a moment seeing the worry in those warm browns matching as you knew in your own. “Just bring you asses home so Sarah and I can roast them.”

Almost feeling the deep groan from over the phone line, “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing since that’s what I got,” shaking head tips to the side picking up on Sam’s easy breathing and the helo’s engines in the back ground. “Just get home dumbass,” affection in your tone. Ending the call, slipping the cell into your front pocket to flop down into the worn out but still comfortable couch.

“They get hurt?” Anxiety tainting her voice from across the room.

Peeking through your fingers at her, dropping them to your thighs to run the length of denim covered skin, “Don’t know really, Sam sounds fine but a concussion or another type of head injury wouldn’t show it’s self right away. From what I did gather they finished up the mission a little over four hours ago, in flight for the last two.”

“What about Bucky?” Meeting your eyes having confided in her years ago about the crush harbored for a certain metal armed ex-assassin turned Cap’s left hand man. Always leaving out the other part of your secret crush. “Speaking of which you ever gonna tell them how you feel?”

“Busting chops about that again Sarah?” Exasperated sigh marches passed barely parted lips, “Something’s broke in three places that’s all Sam ‘Stubborn ass’ Wilson would say. Just not which one of them or what body part exactly.” Firmly ignoring her last question and not picking up on the fact she said them instead of him. To stand hands to hips, leaning back to stretch and possibly pop your spine. “I’m going to town you wanna come or need anything.”

“And you call Sam stubborn,” head shaking with a fond smile tipping her lips upward. Picking up the subtle shift in your demeanor as relief floods your system with knowing they're coming home at least safe. Having guessed your feelings for her older brother not long ago however, keeping that little tidbit to herself. “I’ll come with, give you company and grief along the way. The boy’s won’t come home till later anyway.”

Eyes roll you reach for the car keys on the coffee table, patting your back pocket to check for wallet and the front for cell phone. “Ready to roll?”

Hour and a half later arms loaded with grocery bags, making sure to hide Miss Bridgette’s pie’s from Sam, you and Sarah set to work putting everything away. Setting to work fixing dinner efficiently dancing around each other like a well oiled machine working together in tandem getting each task done. Back door quietly trying to open, Sam poking his head around the well loved oak wood door. Showing a face littered with cuts, a busted bottom lip and dark shadow of a black eye around his left. But his smile still widens flashing pearly whites at seeing the two of you. Entering, Sam places a large locking suit case and round leather carry case not far from the door.

Soft gasp leave’s Sarah’s lips, quickly moving towards her brother to look him over, “You were ugly before now it’s just worse bro.”

Snort existed through his nose, stepping fully into the house with a limp on his right side, accepting the hug she gives him carefully. “You should see the other guy.”

“I’m the other guy,” voice slightly strained but still light almost playful unlike the Bucky of months ago. Though seeing him coming around Sam, arm cradled close in a black cloth sling. Peeks of plaster noticeable making you groan, head shaking at the very sight of him. Assortment of bruises littered his face, his own busted lip, and a three inch cut circling just above his collarbone. Seeing the storm brewing in your eyes, “No we didn’t fight and Sam didn’t cause these wonderful souvenirs.”

“Stupid ass got captured, wouldn’t listen to my plan…”

“You didn’t have a plan Sam not a logistical one…”

“Oh, so you bulldozing in like a raging bull in a China shop worked so well. Who got capture?” Pressing a finger behind his ear to lift the shell listening for Bucky’s answer. “I’m sorry I can’t hear you. You’re gonna say you right Robo soldier cause that’s the correct answer.”

Exasperated with them both, “Shut it and sit down dinner’s ready. I swear the two of you fight worse than Cass and AJ.” Authority ringing through Sarah’s tone cutting eyes at both men.

“Oh sweetheart Cass and AJ have nothing on these two bone heads, more maturity in their little bodies than both of them put together.” Rubbing your temples trying to fend off the building migraine behind your eyes. “Listening to constant bickering I wanna put them in a ‘Get along shirt.'”

Scowl in place while giving them a full once over. Cataloguing the damage you could see and wondering about that which you couldn’t. Noticing the length of Bucky’s hair almost a shaggy just falling a little over his ears and brushing the collar of the black t-shirt he’s wearing. Full beard dusting his cheeks and chin reminding you of those days long gone back in Wakanda. In contrast to Sam’s neatly kept mustache and goatee, close cropped haircut smartly framing his handsome face. Looking much like the day he and Bucky left three months ago on their reconnaissance mission. Knowing better as looks deceive and clothes cover up places eyes can’t see without stripping them naked. The very thought peeking interest but pushing those thoughts back with a frown. Of course it doesn’t stop you from wanting to hug them both mindful of injures unseen that brings a scowl to your features.

“You wouldn’t?” Traces of fear slicing through those deep russet browns. “I thought you loved me Y/N?”

Speaking over Sam, “What’s a ‘Get along’ shirt?”

Caught between wanting to roll her eyes and chuckle, “It’s a big shirt we’d put the two of you in till ya stop bickering like children and actually get along.” Dishing up dinner, Sarah looks towards both men. Trying hard not to burst out laughing at the sour look on Sam’s face nor the still slightly confused one on Bucky’s.

“I see smoke coming from his ears,” snarky quip receiving a back handing smack to his arm.

Bowel’s placed at the table, “Aim for the head next time Sar.” Taking the seat on Sam’s right offering him a cheekily smile, “Might actually knock the few brain cells he has left around and jump start the hamster running the wheel.”

“You both wound me,” clutching his chest dramatically. “With friends and family like this who can you trust.”

“Dramatic’s must come with handling the shield,” cerulean eyes rolling edged with teasing tone. Glancing towards Sam first then you beside him, going to explain for Sarah’s benefit. “Steve could put on some high melodrama back in the day. Much like Samuel here.” Scratching at his chin with vibranium fingers, a low hiss only you catch sounds when the plates catch the little hairs.

Scoffing, “Only Sarah calls me that first off, second look who’s talking Mr. Bionic Staring machine scaring off everyone who comes within two feet. Dramatics run through your veins just as well. ”

“Children,” both women exclaim hands coming down to slam the table at the same. Before time digging into dinner as the back door opens with Cass and AJ storming inside with excited chatter upon seeing both Sam and Bucky.

Each asking about what happened, how’d the mission go and why exactly Bucky’s sporting a sling and cast. All questions peeking the interested of both women with brows raised and narrowed eyes.

“Settle in first and eat dinner,” Sam intones wanting to keep most of what happened from his family. “For the most part the mission went successful.”

Very unladylike snort leaves your nose hidden behind a glass of sweet tea you sip from, “At least you came back in one piece or three in someone’s case.” Eyes narrow even farther on Bucky who has the good graces to look sheepish and divert his eyes.

“But the super serum why didn’t it help like that,” AJ snapped his little fingers for emphasis on the quickness the serum should work or so he thinks.

“Doesn’t quiet work that way AJ,” Bucky starts running a hand through his longer than usual hair. Giving a short frustrated tug before returning to the topic at hand. “Yeah the serum helps speed up the healing process it’s not instantaneous and,” pausing to side eye you not wanting to admit there’s more injures than just his arm.

Scowl returning having a feeling you know why he’s paused in explaining, “Takes longer to heal when multiple injures are involved.”

Dinner finishes with other questions, skirting the full truth about the mission, discussing the coming week with work and school. Sam’s boyish smile appears when Sarah brings out the pie, cutting out slices to pass around with Reddi-whip, coffee for the adults, milk for the kids. Silence settles for a moment the enjoyment of pie more important to savor and only once done do you raise to start cleaning up.

“I’ll,” shooting Sarah a look with a shake of your head.

“You got paperwork to catch up on babe I’ve got this, besides Sam volunteered to help. Didn’t you Sam?” Shooting a look his way, clearly speaking volumes if the answer comes back no.

Brow arched in question but thought better then to ask, though he flips the script on you, “Of course, Bucky volunteer’s.” Quickly moving away from the hand threatening to land a hard punch to his right thigh. Almost toppling to the floor in his hast to move Sam tweaked his hip a twinge of pain slicing through his features.

“Serves you right Wilson,” thought a slice of regret skates across your thoughts. Head shaking you stand gathering plates as the boys excuse themselves to play video games.

“Homework first or I’m taking those games away,” Sarah yells after them looking in your direction for a second. “You got these two?” Pointing at each of them in turn with her own frown dropping her lips downward.

“Sadly yes,” exasperation clearly written in the rigidness of you stance and narrowing to slits of your eyes. “Blissfully unaware or want to know everything?”

“Unaware I’m just happy their back whole,” nodding Sarah takes her leave, heading for the home office.

Times flown, six months in fact since Karli’s death and Sam taking over the mantle of Captain America. Going above and beyond to change how the worlds become and see’s the shield. Using Delacroix as home base to keep himself grounded and around for his family. Surprisingly enough including you and Bucky the house feels a touch over crowded but wouldn’t want things any different.

“Care to explain what that means?” Limping with hands full towards the sink, Sam places his arm load down watching you move around the kitchen. Putting leftovers up, setting to work on the dishes, the familiarity you exude warms a place in Sam’s heart. Always pushing those thoughts from his mind, your his best friend and wouldn’t see him in any other way. Especially with your heart firmly filled with Bucky.

Giving your back to both men and only acknowledging their presence when Bucky comes over with a bowel. “Thanks,” leaves your lips with a nod.

“We’re sorry for leaving you behind Y/N, but Sam and I agreed things were to dangerous neither of us wanted you to get hurt,” trying to reason Bucky leans his back against the counter beside you. Tugging once again at his too long hair that gets slightly tangled in the plates of his fingers.

“You actually agreed on something?” Catching his actions, your head shakes grabbing for the towel to dry soapy hands and help with his dilemma. “Instead you both come back looking like train wreck’s all beaten, broken and bruised. With a busted arm,” finished with untangling his fingers to point at his arm. Whirling around to assess Sam who’s trying not to put weight on his right leg, “Banged up hip and God know what else internally. Neither one of you are spring chickens for heaven’s sake.”

“Don’t know what your talking about Y/N? I’m not a day over twenty-five,” taking an aim to make you smile and ease the tension in your shoulders. Frown appearing when your countenance doesn’t change but deepens, “Talk to the resident Centurion who got his ass captured and tortured for over a week.”

Low growl leaves your lips pursed together in a grim line, “Do either of you think about the consequences of your actions? Of what’ll happen without either of you in this God forsaking world?” Tossing your hands up and turning back to dish washing, something to keep from chocking the life outta the two of them, or spilling your inner most thoughts. Afraid to loose either man the very thought making your heart clinch painfully in your chest, breathing picking up as tears gloss over your eyes. Plates clang loudly, forcefully slamming them into the drying rack making both men wince at your actions.

“Y/N,” coming up behind you large warm hands carefully rest on tense shoulders. Aware of your feelings for a certain cyborg the thought a little bitter to take but Sam resigns himself to the role of best friend. “We’re sorry really,” taking a breath and clearing his throat wanting to make amends and explain. “We thought, planned, things just…”

“Went to shit around us, it’s not like Sam or I wanted to get the crap beating out of us doll it just,” shrugging vibranium hand coming to rest on your shoulder beside Sam’s. “Got complicated.”

Taking a deep breath drawing in the scents of Sam’s citrus and cider wood cologne you couldn’t put your finger on naming, mixing with Bucky’s old world sandalwood base cologne of 4711. Eyes close for a moment blinking back the tears, and to gather thoughts, righting them in an order that makes sense. Trying to keep out the feelings currently jumbling up your brain. “I know,” body sags back against Sam’s strong chest while unconsciously leaning towards Bucky’s hand. “Neither of you will do that shit again. Do I make myself clear?”

“Not if things go dark side like this time, we’re not putting you in harms way,” feeling you stiffen Sam steps back, Bucky’s hand drops back to his side when you whirl on the man behind you. Stance ridge and firm, Sam crosses his arms adding his own glare and not backing down. “My decision is final on the matter and no amount of arguing will change that.”

Understanding Sam’s position, however the thought of staying behind, waiting to find out if… no you push those thoughts aside. “Mine, that’s who makes the choice not either of you,” heat of annoyance flaring to life as you look between the two men. “Knowing what I signed up for, choose to stick around and help put this broken blue marble we call home back together. I won’t sit out the next mission we clear on that?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, barely audible hiss leaves Bucky’s lips at having hair yanked out by the roots. Though his voice is steady when asking, “Why did you stick around? Thought once Walker handed over the shield, the Flag smashers agenda crashed and burned you’d skip out on the next train back to normal.” Not that he minded of course, in fact Bucky rather enjoyed your company, reminded him of those first months out of cryo getting to know each other. Plus his questions distracted you from getting an answer that won’t satisfy.

“I have my reasons,” giving a half hearted shrug you turn back to finishing up the dishes not really wanting to explain. Not fully sure yourself why you’ve stuck around though deep down you know it has to do with both men. “Reasons neither of you need to know.”

Sharing a look with Bucky, “Don’t pull that shit with us sweetheart you demand answers now we ask the same in return.”

Sure they still argued like an old married couple but a begrudging understanding has built between the pair, coming to an almost friendship neither would fully admit to. Both wanting to protect the small family friend’s circle patched together like grandma’s old quilt. Tattered, frayed and a few wholes but well loved and always cared for. Eyes landing back on you to watch the forward slump of your shoulders rounded inward along with your chin dropped to your chest.

“I have the two of you house broken,” idea forming to steer the conversation away. “Don’t need that headache on repeat and I wouldn’t leave the two of you bone heads alone to kill each other or drive poor Sarah crazy,” quicker than either can react you’ve scooped up hand fulls of soap bubbles to smash into both their faces. Deflecting the conversation away from having to answer and lightening the mood. Or so you hoped with the playfully murderous looks both men shoot you. Skirting Sam’s grabby hands heading to put the kitchen table between yourself, Captain America and the Winter Soldier. “Now boys that’s just all in good fun and your both hurt so I suggest you think about your actions before retaliating.”

Wiping the remains of soapy bubbles from his face, thick fingers making wet tracks over denim to dry hands. Sam edges a little closer intent on trying to snag your arm. That ghosts through his fingers, “For now but remember paybacks a bitch sweetheart.” Bright smile tugs his full lips, head shaking though he knows there’s so much more your hiding from both he and Bucky. One day he’ll crack that secret you hold so dear, for now Sam lets you cling tightly.

Watching him go you turn towards Bucky who’s smirk sets you back a moment. “I don’t think I like that look Barnes,” arms crossed mustering a half glare. “Sam’s right you really can see the smoke rising from your head.”

“Hahaha that jokes getting old,” light hearted quip falling from his lips, eyes raking your form as you near the sink. Catching you looking between finishing the dishes and making sure Bucky’s not going to retaliate. “I come in peace promise besides I’m too old for revenge I’ll leave it to you young whipper snappers,” throwing his voice to sound like an old man.

Laughter rings full and deep from your parted lips, soapy hands gripping the sink to keep from toppling over in mirth. His own chuckle exists on a grin, cerulean eyes taking in how carefree you look. Tension and worry melted away with his well played grandpa joke. Making Bucky wish he got to see you like this more often but then he remembered why he never searched. Why he left you alone and only within the last ten or so months managed to reconnect the missing dots in his life. Sure there’s still blood on his hands he tries to scrub clean with each mission, to make those amends and not just avenge. But truly help people in ways that didn’t require lead or blood.

Still wondering, so he gives voice to those thoughts, “Why didn’t you go back to your life doll?” Feeling he’s perpetuated a grave error in asking the question but a part of him wants. No needed the answer to know why you’d give up a happy life for one of danger and uncertainty with him and Sam.

Sobering, his question hitting you like a ton of cement bricks keeping you from turning to face him. Wincing when another hiss echos around inside your head from your right side. “Tell you what Buck you let me cut that hair and beard of yours I’ll answer your questions.”

“I get you don’t… wait… what?” Not sure he’d heard you right. Pain making a return to fog his brain for the moment as throbbing radiates across his broken clavicle to the dislocated shoulder, dancing along the fractured radius and painfully tingling his fingers. Soft curse exists his lips reminding himself to take Sam’s suggestions next time though he wouldn’t let the other man know. “Don’t happen to have any pain meds do ya doll?”

Eyes narrow, “Which parts did they break?” Holding up a hand to stop him from answering while you head towards your room. Grabbing up the small med kit Sharon gave you months back for times like these. Pausing to scoop up the hair scissors and trimer, along with a shaver and cream, both of which belonging to Sam. “Now you were saying?”

Placing everything on the table, unzipping the medium size unassuming black bag pulling out a small bottle to pop the top and wiggle out two pills. Handing those over to Bucky who just stares at them resting in his metal palm.

“Trying to kill me doll?” Teasing tone to the cadence of his words while popping them into his mouth and excepting the glass of water. Downing in one go and handing it back, “Never did like pills reminds me of Steve.”

Resting a gentle hand on his bad shoulder, “If I tried to kill ya Buck you’d see it coming,” snickering at the wide eyed look he gives you. Sobering with understanding filled eyes that stay locked with his, “I’m sorry it”s not my intentions to bring up the past.” Moving to put the glass down, you stay at the sink looking out over the backyard, orange and reds dancing over the rippling surface of the bayou. Sinking sun creating a cornucopia of color heralding the on coming twilight and the end of another day.

“You didn’t Y/N,” coming to stand next to you watching the golden ball of life giving light slowly sink into the horizon. On the tip of his tongue to speak about Steve, the abandonment he felt acutely with the absence of his best friend. Slowly filled by your present, that of Sam’s and his family. “I guess ‘Till the end of the line’ meant just till he could get back to who he really missed.” Anguish heard loudly through soft spoken words not meant for your ears but once uttered there’s no going back.

Out of your peripheral vision you study Bucky for a moment heart breaking for the man who’s lost so much to then fully face him. His own gaze staying straight ahead staring unseen out the window with tan lace curtains framing the coming twilight. Over head light casting shadows in the hallows and angles of his features, bringing out the bruises highlighting the cuts, making your heart ache for this man in ways you’ve tried to push aside. Ways you didn’t want it to feel in case of rejection but couldn’t help the tightening in your chest nor the want to embrace and hold Bucky close.

“Come on,” without thinking your hand slips into his vibranium palm tugging till he follows and only dropping to scoop up trimmer, combs and scissors before heading out the back door.

For a moment Bucky stood there thankful to Shuri for the ability to feel warmth and the weight of your hand in his vibranium limb. The very thoughts your simple gesture conjures damns his heart making it beat triple time. When your head pops back around the door sweet smile crossing those kissable lips. Bucky has to remind himself you’re off limits friends nothing more and to breath. Your beauty stealing the air from his lungs, making it hard to focus on anything except your present.

Catching the out of focus look in his cerulean eyes mind swirling with questions as to what he’s thinking about. “You gonna stand there taking root or get your silly ass out here,” motioning with a jerk of your head over your shoulder smile still firmly in place. Making sure he’s actually moving before existing to place a stool about middle of the back porch. Patting the hardwood barstool then reaching up to tug on the pull string as light floods the area casting a bright glow.

Transfixed for a moment in the doorway with the peek of skin allowed to his eyes. Your heather grey band shirt riding up teasingly tormenting him. Cursing internally, tongue trapped between indenting teeth to keep the sounds at bay. Till the hard slap of your palm against wooden seat draws his attentions and he robotically takes the seat. Stiffening with the fluttering of a barber’s cape hating to have things around his neck. Only to settle once you have it in place and buttoned reminding him your not there to hurt or torture him. Fingers brushing lightly over the exposed skin of his neck, creating goosebumps to dance across his flesh.

“Not too tight?” Gently running nimble fingers through his hair, blunt nails scratching the scalp. Finding it hard to keep from rubbing into your hands and fighting the urge to purr with each pass. You work the larger knots out carefully, pulling a comb from the back pocket of your jeans to run through his hair. “You with me Buck?”

“Hmm?” Simple noise issues from the back of his throat lost in the tingling sensations your fingers bloom across his body. Wanting to chase the feeling bringing peace to his mind much like the soft cadence your voice takes on with the intimacy surrounding the two of you. Sweet chuckle music to his ears and snaps him back to now, noticing you’ve paused your hands waiting for a response, “Sorry no I’m good.”

“Enjoying yourself Barnes?” Teasingly quipped while adjusting the cape to cover his back. Making sure all his hair lays over the edges and carefully combing out the smaller knots your fingers missed. Secretly enjoying the soft chestnut strands as they curl around your fingers. Massaging his scalp hoping to relax his tense posture when a particularly stubborn knot has you accidentally giving a not so gentle tug. Garnering a low moan from the man in front of you. “Sorry Buck,” working the knot out with a little more care taking the sound as one of pain.

Throat clearing, thankful his crotch is currently covered to not give away the secret he’s concealing. Praying to all the heavens you’ve taken the moan as one of pain instead of pleasure that’s surfing through his veins with a simple hair pull. “Yes, and it’s fine,” words pushed passed lips held taunt to keep from letting any sound out. Searching his mind for a topic to settle on, willing his body to stop reacting to the warmth of yours.

Each brush of fingers sends heat flaring to life along his nerves. Knowing the pain killers don’t worked through his system that quickly. Yet, the throbbing ache once present has diluted to a low annoying thump with the heat of your hands on his cotton covered shoulder. Wanting to lean back into your body but holds himself ridge from doing something stupid like enjoying the moment. Therefore clears his throat, “You’ve got me at your mercy doll ready to answer my questions?”

“Should I worry what you’ll ask?” Moving from behind him to head back into the kitchen. Grabbing the empty spray bottle to fill with warm water and head back out.

Eyes close with the first spritz of water, chin dropping to chest as you work to wet his hair. “Why?”

“Why what?” Knowing what he’s asking, your distracted for a moment putting the spray bottle’s trigger through a belt loop incase its needed once your satisfied with the wetness of his hair. “I’ll need more specifics than just why. Why’s the sky blue? Why’s it so damn hot? So many why questions you gotta stop wasting your breath Buck.”

“Cheeky doll very cheeky you know damn well what I mean,” keeping his head still to prevent you from severing an ear.

Smirking, setting to work on trimming up the top back portion of his head, trying to keep from childishly making faces. “Sure don’t Sarge.”

Groan slipping passed before he’s able to trap and swallow the sound at the off handed use of his military rank. Wondering which deity had it out for his ass today. Cursing the fact he’s let you so close to breath in the flowery scent of your body. Gentle use of those skilled fingers through his hair not making things any better for the growing problem tenting his jeans. Returning to himself when you move to his left shortening the hair over his ear. “Why’d you stay with us? I thought,” remembering those painful words back in Madripoor. “I thought you had a happy life to go back to.”

“Ear hustling Barnes?” Switching sides and glancing down with a raised brow you know he doesn’t see.

Looking up to try and catch your eye your focus on cutting his hair makes the attempt impossible. So he settles on, “Don’t know what you mean doll. Just asking a question,” trying to hold the shiver at bay when your fingers brush over the shell of his ear.

“Since your asking it means you didn’t hear everything Sam and I talked about,” thankful that’s the case or things would get a whole lot complicated. “I lied.”

Head whipping to the side so quickly you fear he’s damaged his neck with the wince taking over his handsome features. “Lied why?”

“Reasons,” ‘Ones I won’t tell you James,’ speaking the last words in your mind, careful probing fingers check for anything popped out. Garnering a hiss of pain when you’ve found the break in his clavicle. “What did you break besides the hamster running your wheel brain?”

Bitting off the curse as pain flared over his right side. Gritting out, “Clavicle, dislocated shoulder, fractured radius, you can see the cuts and bruises so take it a little easy on this old man.”

“How… Why did you get captured?” Worry fights fear both dance with anger marching through your veins as a Thanksgiving Day parade band would down the streets of New York City. The very thought of both your men hurt and so far away from home torn a hole in your heart. Thoughts you try to push away and focus on the job of cutting Bucky’s hair.

Finishing up what you could on the back of his head, Bucky feels you come around to the front. Knees spread to accommodate your body, closing his eyes to keep from staring at your breasts. Licking suddenly dry lips with having you extra close, he tries to gather an answer to your question. “We needed an in so I made a decision.”

“One I’m sure Sam disagreed on,” carding your fingers through the top, snipping pieces checking length. Jealous over how soft his hair feels between your digits. Woodsy pine scent reaching your nose that twitches in pleasure at the fragrance matching what you always thought he’d smell like.

“Yeah well we ran out of time doll. Couldn’t let what remains of LAF get away,” eyes quickly open only to slam shut again with having you still too near for his own good.

Every brush of your fingers, thighs brushing against his with every move, your flowery scent wrapping around his heart to squeeze tight. Breath punched from his lungs when your knee makes slight contact with his erection. Shooting pleasurable fireworks off behind his closed lids. Wishing for your hands on his body, wondering what they’d feel like over bare skin. If you’d shy away from the scars littering his flesh or… he wouldn’t, didn’t need to think about the alternative.

Unsure why he gasped you move from between his legs and look upon his face confused as to his ridge posture eyes held tightly closed. Insecurities rushing through your mind, setting up shop to remind you no man let alone someone as handsome as Bucky would ever want to look at you. Shoving back those thoughts to ask, “You okay Bucky?”

“Fucking fabulous doll,” bitting out the words while trying to reign in the need to grab hold of your hips, bringing you back against him. Wanting to find out if you’d fit as good or better than what he’s imagined during those dream filled nights he doesn’t talk about with anyone. “Finished?” Praying you’ll say yes, the temptation becoming almost unbearable.

Unconvinced by his words but pushes that aside and stepping farther back to round him, grabbing up the trimmer on the way with a numbered comb. “Almost but then I still have your beard to do.”

“Fuck,” low gravely voice intones the single word hoping you’ve not heard and cursing the heaven for this test of his will and desires. In another life Bucky wouldn’t have hesitated to ask you out, wine and dine with dancing till midnight. Taking you home with a simple kiss of promise with more to come. But he’s different now and you don’t deserve to have a broken man on your hands.

Swallowing harshly to cover your growing need to escape and bury yourself in another program or book to distract from those awful thoughts running around in your mind. Replaying all the brush offs and look aways as rejection shattering your heart. Pushing you to finish his new hair cut that much quicker. “Done, now how short you want your beard?”

“Gone,” knowing exactly what he’s saying and damning himself to the torture of a different kind.

Coming back in front of him, you slip between his parted knees so easily a thought you try to push away while switching the trimmer combs and flicking the on button. Carefully cupping his left cheek while shortening the right for a closer shave once your done. “Surely you didn’t just let them capture you.” Returning to a safer subject other than how good his bearded jaw felt in your warm palm. Wondering how it’d feel in other places.

“Offered myself up for a little bloody torture and a few broken bones. I’m here to tell the tale instead of those guys Y/N. They're off the streets and we have the information needed to finish taking down LAF.” Teeth gritting to keep from rubbing his jaw into your palm, from turning to kiss the center and devour you with his mouth.

Pausing a moment, “But you could’ve gotten killed James.” Sorrow coloring the cadence of your tone, eyes filled with fear at what could’ve happened. “You should’ve called me, I could’ve helped.”

Heart stopping, never had you spoken his first name, always Bucky or Buck, Barnes when your angry but never James. Opening his darken cerulean orbs breath trapped somewhere between lungs and mouth at the sorrow written deep in those eyes he never could not stare into. Heart hammering back to life with the subtle brushing of your fingers over his cheek, “Would it have matter?”

Confusion tips your head to the side, “What you dying or me helping?”

“Dying,” single word dropped like a bomb destroying everything in the path.

“James,” softly spoken with so much emotion held within the countenance of your features. Watching the ghosts float through those beautiful cerulean eyes, memories of a time he couldn’t control, of deeds done to people who didn’t deserve the pain and death he dealt out as the Fist of Hydra. Tears gloss over your eyes once again trying to blink them away to keep them from clogging your emotions filled throat. “It matter’s Barnes, matters to a lot of people you’re just too stubborn to realize that.” Shaking your head to clear the fog and get back to work.

Speechless Bucky just sits there letting you finish up trimmer the hair away as if trying to erase the past months, the torture he let happen with no regard to his personal well being. During this time your words chase around his mind, combined with Sam’s out right demand of him to never put himself in harms way like that again. Adding more questions added than any true answers. Delicate fingers brush over trimmed facial hair bringing him back to the present right as you move to take the barber’s cape from around his neck. Missing the warmth of your touch, heat radiating from your body, your scent filling his nose and making him drunk on you.

Folding the cape to drape over your arm, “I’ll shave you as well come back inside.” Voice slightly rough with unshed tears avoiding looking directly at Bucky and missing the longing written in the ocean pools. Mistaking his lack of response for rejection of your words and feelings. You enter the house placing the small hand load down and moving a chair over towards the sink. Returning to grab up the shaving cream and razor, pulling a fresh wash cloth from the draw by the sink too wet it hot.

“You don’t have to,” entering and closing the back door with the heel of his boot. Bucky leans against the counter watching you with a closed expression. Pain dull but still worming its way through his veins along with so many thoughts.

Glancing his way, “I know,” motioning with a wave of your hand, “but if I don’t that beard’ll come back in short order and we’ll have to do this all over again.” Going for playful to ease the tension built from the lingering words of out on the porch, “Bring your ass over here Buck.”

Your change in mood has a confused frown pulling his mouth down but complies with the order. Taking up the seat with spread legs and turned up face watching you wring out the wash cloth. Using your elbow and tipping his head back to gently place the hot cloth around what’s left of his beard to soften the hair and wake up the pores. Catching the small muffled groan, “To hot?”

“No, perfect,” faintly hearing the two simple words you grab up the shaving cream to put a generous amount in your palm before pulling the quickly cooling cloth from his face. Tossing it towards the sink and applying a layer of cream to his skin. Left overs rinsed from your hands quickly before drying and grasping the razor with steady hands. “Just a little off the top if you please,” boyish smirk slips over his lips tipping cream covered cheeks up while trying to be funny.

Eyes rolling, “To late for that one top’s already taken care of.” Using the pad of your thumb to push the skin of his cheek taunt. Carefully dragging the razor over his flesh intending to keep your gaze directed towards working the blade over his check. However, you’re unable to do so while cleaning the razor as your eyes dart up catching the fact Bucky’s gaze firmly rests on your face. Heat blooming across your body, eyes drop back to his cheek intent on getting finished quickly to avoid any farther embarrassment.

Meanwhile Bucky maps every feature of your face, the slant of your nose, set of your eyes, cupids bow of your top lip. Visions of drawing the plump flesh in for a bite and pull before letting go with a wet pop, filter through his mind. Finding himself in a rather precarious predicament, thighs spread to accommodate your body, his palms itch to grasp and tug you into his lap. Bitting back a moan each touch brings, the gentleness tearing a new hole in armored covered heart. Wanting to keep you out but finding it harder to do every time you show the kindness his life lacked for decades.

Minds eye drawing the curves of your cheeks, lips twitching to caress, fingers tapping trapped in plaster and cloth against his body. Wanting to brush his knuckles over your throat to gently grasp the back of your neck and bring your lips against his for a slow sweet drink of the tempting cavern of your warm mouth. Only snapping back to reality with the soft brush of your fingers along his jawline.

Searching for any hairs left behind, soothingly palming his cheeks with cool hands desperate to taste his skin. Drag your lips over the same spots the razor just graced. Teasing the tip of your tongue along the hard edge of his jaw to place a kiss just below his ear. Tempted to even suck a mark for everyone to see. You swallow harshly removing your hands from his cheeks to rinse and warm up the cloth to clean off any residual shaving cream from his face.

“Finished,” clearing your emotions clogged throat, stepping towards the sink, your profile the only side Bucky sees as you work to clean up the mess.

Feeling rather than hearing him stand heat radiating of his body just a few inches shy of brushing against yours. “Thank you doll,” impulsively leaning forward to brush his lips over your cheek. Lingering longer than he should but unable too stop himself from pressing soft slight chapped lips to the corner of your mouth. “Next time I need shavin’ I know who to come too,” breathing the words before pulling away, taking his leaving quickly to keep from doing something even stupider. Like wrap you up into his arms and actually kissing those pillow soft lips. Backdoor swinging closed a little harder than he meant in his bid to get away from your warmth and tempting body.

Frozen in place, skin tingling from just that slight press while your heart beats almost out of your chest. Pounding against your rib cage so hard fear it’ll crack a rib any second now. White knuckles grip the sinks edge, heat flaring across your body to pool low and throb through your lady parts. Thighs unconsciously rub together needing friction to alleviate the ache growing between your legs.

“Did you cut him or take a hunk of hair out and now he looks like Frankenstein monster?” Teasing tone to his quip, Sam enters the kitchen still staring at the back door. Having watched the exchange from the darkened hallway. Reverting his eyes to your back, taking in the ridge posture of your spine with a slight very subtle shake. “Y/N what’s wrong?” Swiftly coming up behind you, hands gripping your shoulders to turn you around. “Did Bucky say or do something wrong?” Worry creasing his brow the want to hold you close growing with each second your not in his arms.

Looking up into the kind russet eyes flashing with concern and worry, “No,” head shaking, “no he didn’t Sam just…” unable to stop yourself from burying your body against Sam’s firm chest. Trying to figure out how to explain what’s running around in your head. The indecision, thoughts you know shouldn’t roll through your mind doing just that as your arms wind around his trim waist.

���Just what sweetheart?” Wanting to help smooth things over between his two best friends even if it meant swallowing his own feelings.

Keeping your eyes closed, breathing in his cedar wood and citrus scent, burying your nose against his collarbone. Always able to calm the raging storm of emotions boiling through your veins. Confusion setting in with those same tingles you feel when Bucky touches you now dances across your body at the warmth of Sam’s arms cradling you close. Reminding you of earlier when his chest pressed to your back strong hands gently placed on your shoulders. The shiver you suppressed at the touch of both men. At the memory your eyes pop open and you quickly push away from Sam as if he’s burnt you. Needing to escape and figure out what’s going on.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter, I’m sorry,” feet quickly taking you from the kitchen into the safe arms of your bedroom.

Missing the confused look marring Sam’s face that turns into hurt at the way you’ve shoved him aside. Body sagging against the counter, hand rubbing at the back of his neck searching for what’s changed in such a short period of time.

“Men, blind and just plain foolish,” landing a hard hit to his shoulder, which he rubs to alleviate the pain. Sarah comes up beside her older brother with a raised brow. “Still don’t get it? Searching for exactly why she reacted so strongly? Think Samuel use that big brain you have and actually put it to good use.”

Frown creasing between his eyes and drawing his lips down, “Left behind sucks Sarah that’s all it amounts to. But we… I couldn’t have her along, wouldn’t risk her life like that.”

“Has nothing to do with leaving her home Sam,” giving him a meaningful look that still bewilders him. “Why didn’t you want her along but you took Bucky with you?”

“He’s a super soldier Sar he can take the hits not that I want him hurt either. Shit when he let himself get captured,” moving towards the abandoned chair to plop down heavily. “He scared the living shit outta me, I thought…” hard to swallow the memories of watching those men pulling an unconscious Bucky into a van. Driving off before he could plant a tracker and barely able to get up with bruised ribs making breathing painful. Sam runs a hand over the short hair unsure when things got so complicated between the three of them.

Pulling up a chair in front of Sam, “You’d lost him?” Seeing the nod Sarah’s features softened knowing from the tell’s she picked up watching the three of them for so long. “You love them?”

“What?” Head whipping up so quickly making Sam wince. “Of course I do but not like that I mean their family, you know I’ll do anything to protect my family.”

Hand resting on his shoulder, “You keep telling yourself that big bro maybe one day you’ll actually believe it and able to push those feelings away good enough to keep them at arms length.” Looking up at her, “Just a word of advice,” seeing him nod, “don’t push those emotions away, you deserve that love they both would readily give you.”

*****************************

Softly closing the door behind you heading towards the ensuite bathroom for a nice cold shower, preforming your nightly routine, and shutting off every light except the one beside your bed. Falling into the soft mattress with your current book keeping you company for the rest of the night. Eyes start to droop, words blur and you read the same sentence half a dozen times. Book falling against your chest as a yawn takes over your features.

Body stretching out against cool sheets jumping when a soft knock echos around your room, eyes darting towards the clock to see its just a little passed mid night. Slowly getting out of bed, pulling the extra long dark blue with little pink flowers dotting the sleep shirt down to cover your ass and thighs. Thinking its Sarah checking on you, eyes shocked wide with the small crack you open the door to spy Bucky standing there fidgeting.

“Everything all right Buck?” Opening the door wider to lean against the casing arms crossed just under your breasts.

Swallowing, glancing from your eyes to lips repeatedly. Trying to form the words he wants to speak when the decision makes itself clear and Bucky surges forward. Gently wrapping vibranium fingers around the back of your neck and bragging you against his strong chest. Slanting his lips against yours, nipping your bottom lip to make you gasp and slipping his eager tongue passed into the warm depths of your mouth. Leading the kiss and praying he’s not wrong.

Rewarded by your arms winding around his neck careful of his injures. Fingers tugging at the now shorten strands thanks to your expect hands. Garnering a low moan from the depths of his chest, one that rambles with a pleased hum as you return the kiss. Tangling your tongues together making nothing soft nor gentle about this melding of mouths. Only breaking apart for both of you to gasp for air.

“No, nothing’s all right doll. I can’t stop thinking about you,” resting your foreheads together sharing common air. Fingers at the base of your skull massaging the tension with surprisingly easy pressure. “I’d done fighting, done pushing you away, I need you Y/N.”

“James?” Lips tingling from a kiss you’ve only dreamt about as confusion marring your tone, eyes blinking a few times to make sure you’ve pushed the sleepy haze from your mind.

Soft groan issues at hearing you whisper just first name, hand slipping down to wrap around your waist and pull your taut to his body. “If…” trying to push the next words past his lips, “if you don’t want…”

“Us, we need to know now sweetheart. We won’t push you into anything you don’t want,” Sam’s voice full of desire and longing cuts across Bucky’s for a moment.

Making you look up from eyes locked with Bucky to stare at Sam trying to process his words, the look in those beautiful russet eyes you can’t pull yours away from. Till Bucky presses a kiss to just below your ear, “We know it’s a lot to take in doll and you can say no…”

“I,” gulping like a fish out of water, heat thumping through your veins at the unspoken promise both sets of eyes show. “I don’t know what to say.”

Stepping forward to push you back a step so Sam can fully enter your bedroom and close the door. He comes behind you sandwiching your body between two walls of muscle and masculine warmth. Pressing a kiss to the opposite cheek, lips brushing over the shell of your ear, “There’s no going back sweetheart you’re ours if you say yes. But if the answer is no I’m not going to lie things will change. Awkward as hell yes especially at first but I,” Bucky clears his throat to which Sam nods, “we would work through that with you. Loosing your friendship can’t happen no matter what.”

Removing yourself from between their warm bodies to collapse at the end of the bed, head in your hands. Mind so confused, a jumbled mix of desire and lust touched with a heavy dose of love that scares the living shit outta you. Feeling the bed dip on either side, removing your hands to glance at both men. Seeing the reassurance in those cerulean and russet orbs you swallow to wet your parched throat. Gaining strength to finally speak, “I don’t want to loose either of you,” looking between both men. Taking each hand within your own, “But this last mission taught me I don’t want to deny my feelings any longer.”

“What feelings doll?” Giving your hand an encouraging squeeze.

Looking into Bucky’s cerulean eyes, “I’m in love with both of you.” Switching to Sam’s russet orbs seeing the blatant want shining only boosts your confidence to lean over. Cupping his jaw and bringing your lips against his. Different from the kiss you shared with Bucky. Who’s bottom lip begs for a nibbling, Sam’s fuller lips press against your own in tender caresses.

Gentler too, a soft slant of his mouth against yours, pressing twice at different angles before tracing over your bottom lip. Gaining entrance on a sigh of need to check in with your tongue before tangling together. Heated palm cupping your cheek, thumb brushing over the apple twice while he artfully pillages your mouth. Drawing out a low moan squeak following when a set of lips slide over the side of your neck nibbling a short path to suck a mark behind your ear. Making you weak and boneless against Sam, who releases your cheek and hand to grip your hips, having you straddle his thighs.

Kiss breaking for air, “I’m to heavy Sam, your hip.”

“You’re prefect baby girl no arguing understand?” Cupping your ass in both hands to roll your hips against the hard bulge of his erection. Teeth gritting at how good you feel in his arms, the damp heat of your core only serving to make him grow harder with each brush against your cloth covered pussy. Sam reclaims your mouth, this kiss much different. Desperate and demanding taking no prisoners this time as he immediately slips his tongue back into your mouth. Pulling a groan from deep within your chest, arms going around his neck to help move your body against his. The delicious friction sending jolts of pleasure radiating out over your body, clit throbbing with a need you’ve never felt before.

Hissing at the cool sensations of Bucky’s vibranium fingers drawing circles across your back. Pushing your sleep shirt off your body arms raising, breaking the kiss to accomplish the task. Looking over your shoulder at the bare chested Barnes, mouth salivating at the sight eager to touch and kiss every inch. Brought back to Sam with the heat of his mouth connecting to your pulse, adding his own mark to your body while his callused fingers dances across your back.

Cursing his rotten luck for not having use of one hand, Bucky steps forward lowering to his knees carefully. Brushing his lips along your spine while cool alloyed fingers sweep around your body between you and Sam to trace a line between your breasts. Head dropping back to Bucky’s shoulder and baring your breasts to Sam’s hungry glaze and Bucky’s questing fingers.

“So beautiful,” words whispered reverently from Sam’s lips against the damp column of your throat. Mouth tasting each inch of your skin he can reach. Till moist heat circles your nipple, wet tip of his tongue coming out to flick the tightly budded peak before sucking harshly. In contrast to the cool patterns Bucky draws, taking the time to tug before pinching just hard enough that your back arches into Sam’s mouth.

Pushing into Bucky at your back a whimper parting your gasping lips. Needing more of both men surrounding you, slick coating your trembling thighs as you clinch around nothing. Dragging a whine of desperation from you soul,“Please,” single word escaping your mouth.

“What doll? What do you want?” Drawing his lips up to your ear, nipping the lobe bringing it between his teeth giving a sharp bite at the same time Sam flicks his tongue over your nipple.

Letting go with a wet pop, smiling at the whine exiting your heaving chest, “I think out girl needs more Buck. Any thoughts on how to please her?” Brow wiggling over your shoulder at Bucky who just smirks.

Fingers sliding down then under the band of your panties to find you soaked and pulsing. Cool metal meeting heated flesh makes you jolt in Sam’s arms. Grinding down into those wonderful fingers and against the thick ridge of Sam’s cock.

“Don’t stop please,” gasping head lolling back, your eyes close as sensations crash through your veins. Tight coil starting to form with just the brush of his fingers.

Maneuvering closer to slip two fingers into your clinching channel. Deep groan vibrating through his chest and into your back, “Fuck Sam she’s tight and so wet for us. I bet she tastes just as good as she feels.” Rocking your hips, fucking his fingers desperate for that high traveling up from the bottom of your spine. Tickling your tummy with jolts of pleasure only to have it diminish when Bucky pulls his fingers out.

Frustrated whine leaving your lips only to choke on air when Bucky offers one of the fingers perviously buried inside your cunt to Sam. Who doesn’t hesitate to wrap his lips around the single digit, groaning at the very taste of your essence. Circling the tip with his tongue, making sure to clear every drop off while keeping eye contact with Bucky. Mimicking with his mouth how he’d suck Bucky’s cock, garnering a growl from deep within his chest. Letting go with a smirk, “Even better Buck and I bet from the source it’s simply heaven.”

“Only way to find out,” answering grin firmly in place he raises from the floor. Helping you stand on shaky legs turning you to face him. Capturing your lips in an open mouth kiss, flicking his tongue against yours, teasing your bottom lip and drawing out another frustrated groan making him chuckle. “Don’t worry doll we promise you won’t go unsatisfied we’re going to take care of your every need.”

“Don’t tease her Buck it’s not fair,” glint of mischief sparking through those russet eyes that only Bucky catches since your still face him. Sam comes up behind to pressing his bare chest against your back, hands resting on your hips, tugging and letting the band of your panties snap back against your skin. “You can still say no.”

Wiggling back against Sam then pressing forward to feel the hard line of Bucky’s erection against your lower tummy. Knowing why he’s asking, seeing the same sentiment mirrored in Bucky’s eyes that warms your heart filling with love for both men. “Now who’s teasing Samuel,” reaching behind you to slide your palm over his ridged cock giving a squeeze at the same time you palm Bucky. “I’m sure my loves,” enjoying the answering growls from both men. Before another word leaves your lips Sam tugs down your panties letting them pool at your feet as Bucky moves you towards the bed.

Swiping the book from the mattress to lay on the nightstand, smile on his lips at finding the well loved copy of The Fellowship of the Ring. Bringing you to sit then lay back against the cool sheets, trailing his vibranium fingers from your cheek down between your breasts. Circling each nipple, giving the right a light pinch that has your back arching and a gasp existing your paired lips. Distracted till Sam gently grips your left ankle, spreading you open to slide between your legs. Pressing kisses alone the inside of your leg towards your thigh. Soft bread tickling your skin making giggles erupt from your mouth.

“I think she likes that Sam,” the comment spoken against your ear. Placing a kiss to your cheek, “Have to remember to let my own beard grow back out.”

Whimpering softly at the thought one hand fisting the sheets as Sam draws his tongue over the crease between thigh and groin. Purposefully avoiding the spot you want him most, “Payback is a bitch boys,” words growled out right as Bucky envelopes your left nipple into the heat of his mouth.

“Teasing half the fun sweetheart have patience,” looking up from between your legs. Stiffen tongue drawing up from your entrance to clit, circling the little throbbing nub and making your back arch, gasping for air.

“Fuck,” single word breathed from deep within your body. Sweat starting to bead across your forehead. Head tossed back into the pillow free hand carding through Bucky’s chestnut hair tugging the strands harshly till he lets your breast go with a wet pop. You guide his mouth up to yours, demandingly taking the kiss over, slipping your tongue into his mouth this time. Swallowing your moans of delight with each thrust of his tongue. Matching the pace Sam sets against your dripping cunt.

Rutting into the mattress to find the prefect friction hoping to ease for a moment the throbbing of his cock. “Stop stealing all those pretty noises Barnes I wanna hear our girl,” reaching up to smack the other mans thigh hard enough to break the two of you apart.

“Sorry not sorry,” giving him a smirk while licking his lips from the heated kiss.

Filing away the fact Bucky knows what means only to have any thought fly from your mind as two thick fingers enter your quivering channel. Slowly thrusting, his mouth suctioned onto your clit, drawing little short patterns making your thighs shake around his head. Slacking off to lazily place kisses over those thighs but still pumping his fingers, crooking them into a come hither motion to brush over that special spongy spot.

Blooming stars behind your tightly closed eyes, “Watch him doll, see how much you loves devouring that pretty cunt.” Voice rough with arousal against your ear, Bucky’s metal fingers dancing over your chest only adding to your heighten state of desire.

At his command you eyes open to lock with Sam’s passion blown blacken eyes. Moaning at the picture he presents you with, panting breath as you keep drawing closer to your orgasm. Only to have Sam back off creating frustrating tension in your body. Gritting out, “I’m going to die if you don’t let me cum.”

Smirk showing in those beloved eyes as he doubles down on your clit. Lips puffy but forming a perfect O too suction and flick his tongue over the engorged nerve bundle. Fingers, third added to stretch you open and picking the pace up as your mouth drops wide in a scream Bucky devours with a deep kiss. To keep from waking the kids or Sarah, his own body on fire with a need to have you both.

Tingles quickly dancing through your veins, breath panting as you break from Bucky’s mouth, one hand gripping the sheets below the other still buried in his hair. Body on fire as you near that perfect orgasm Sam’s intent on giving you.

Denial’s not just a river in Egypt as your eyes pop open at the knock on your door. Reminiscent of what your sluggish brain comes to understand as just a very vivid dream. One that makes your heart drop with the book that’d lay on your chest now face down on the carpeted floor. You stand checking the time of mid night before heading to the door and finding Sarah on the other side with ice cream in hand.

“Figured you might need some cheering up,” letting her in and taking the bowl of your favorite ice cream.

Vivid dream lingering though you don’t share feeling a TMI moment she doesn’t and most likely wouldn’t want to know about her big brother. You steer the topics away from the non existent love life to plans for tomorrow and the coming weekend.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Black Magic" *Part 12*

Ayyyyy I fixed it!

For those who missed it, I wrote this chapter also on my phone because apparently I'm addicted to this story I can't focus on my real life even when I'm out.

Also sorry this is short but it was written in a Target parking lot on my phone. And also-- I just wanna put off "THE" part. 😂😬😘

Part 11

Part 13

Tag list

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

-----

Rafael shook his head, still reeling from your encounter. You had no idea what the hell you were talking about, he loved Olivia. He was sure of it. But the last thing you said nagged at him. Even if you had been some kind of crazy mind reading witch, that didn’t stop him from telling Liv about his father.

He had never told her, and if he was really honest with himself, he had no intention of telling her any time soon, maybe ever.

Why didn’t he want to tell her?

-----

Rafael decided to show you, he went straight to Liv's bridal room and knocked on the door.

"Yes?"

"Liv it's me."

"Rafa we can't see each other before the ceremony! It's bad luck!" She called through the door.

"Well it's more bad luck if we start this marriage with secrets." He replied.

Olivia's eyes widened: was he...was he going to tell her his middle name? All on his own? She KNEW you were full of shit

"O-okay just tell me through the door." Her eyes lit up with hope.

"No, I need to be looking at you or I might lose my nerve"

That was good enough for her! She swung the door open.

Rafael stared at her in awe, she had never looked so beautiful in all the years he knew her. He knew you were full of shit, he loved her completely.

"Liv I haven't been honest with you. My middle name isn't Antonio."

"It's not…?" Her eyes began to well up. It was happening. It was really happening.

"No, it's…." He paused and gazed at her. She was beautiful, she was perfect.... But there was no...safety.

"It's Ronaldo," he lied. "I just wanted you to have the right name on the marriage license"

"God damn it Rafael are you fucking kidding me? She yelled.

"What are you talking about?" Rafael was taken aback.

"Why can't you just tell me your real middle name? Why is that so hard for you?!" She yelled again..

"I'm sorry, you know that I'm lying? You know my real middle name?"

"What.. ? Yes...maybe, I don't know," she stammered.

"How do you know my middle name?" He asked.

" I, um...did...did you finish the flask I gave you?" She asked softly.

"....Excuse me?" Rafael asked suspiciously. He turned and walked back to his room. Olivia followed behind him quickly.

"You mean this flask that you supposedly gave me for our wedding day?" He asked, holding up a silver flask with his initials on it.

"You mean this nice loving gift, a token of your love on the most important day of our lives? You're asking me if I 'finished this'?"

"I.. well…" she stuttered.

"And what exactly is this Olivia?" He turned and headed to the bathroom of the groom suite.

"No Rafael, don't!!!" Olivia chase after him frantically.

Rafael opened the flask and poured its contests into the sink. To his horror and disbelief, a dark purple liquid poured out of it; as if it was purple and blue mixed together.

"Holy shit…" Rafael muttered.

"Oh my God!" he just stared in shock as the liquid dissipated down the drain. Olivia could only stand frozen in shock and couldn't speak.

"Oh my God, that girl was right wasn't she?" He stared at her.

"What girl? Was there a girl here?" Olivia quickly turned defensive. "Rafa you shouldn't listen to random ass people--"

"Oh no, fuck that Liv!" He screamed. Throwing the flask across the bathroom.

"What the hell was that?!" He gestured to the sink, now empty of the contents of the flask. "What the hell did you do to me?!

"Nothing!" She stuck to her denial. "It's just the color of the special liquor that I bought you. It's some kind of wine," She tried to think of a lie on the spot, but she wasn't great at it.

"Oh that is a load of shit!" Rafael scoffed while throwing up his hands. "I can't believe this...I can't believe some random ass girl knew more about me than you. She's right isn't she?"

"Rafa come on--" She started to speak, but Rafael wasn't hearing it.

"Oh no fuck that, fuck 'Rafa'. We're past Rafa, don't call me that!" Rafael screamed. "That girl was right, wasn't she? You made me forget her. I'm actually in love with her, aren't I?"

"No! You were never in love with her! That shit was fake. It was as fake as this!" She slapped her hand over her face after saying the last part inadvertently.

"Oh my God...This whole thing is fake. You manipulated my mind. You made me think that I was in love with you!" Rafael felt sick to his stomach.

"You are in love with me!" Olivia screamed. "You just needed to realize it," she added softly.

"And you wanted me to drink more so what? You could make me forget this ever happened so that I would marry you willingly? Like your little robot?" Rafael paced the room angrily.

"No I love you Rafael! That's why I did this! I did this for us!" She was crying now.

"That's BULLSHIT!" Rafael yelled.

"You didn't do this for me, you did this for you. You don't love me at all! If you really loved me, then you would want me to be happy no matter who that was with! I'm not your fucking Ken doll Liv! I'm not some guy you can just manipulate and tote around like some lap dog, doing whatever you say. That's not what love is!"

"Rafael come on, just look--- just, just drink this," she pulled out another vial from her bra. "Just drink it and you'll forget about this, and then we can be happy!"

"Are you not hearing me at all Olivia? Rafael asked her in actual disgust.

"You're still just trying to stick to your delusion? Don't come near me with that. In fact don't come near me at all. I can't. I can't even look at you right now," He started to storm out of the room but Olivia chased after him.

"Where are you going!?!"

"To get back what you stole from me!" Rafael yelled back, running out of the church.

----

You stood there in front of the penguins with Maria and Chloe just staring at them. It had gotten dark now. The tank was lit up, brightening the cave with its neon blue water. They looked so happy, just swimming and carefree, not a care in the world.

"Look at you guys," You sighed. "So happy, so innocent. You wouldn't lie to each other, you wouldn't manipulate each other, you just love each other unconditionally," You started to tear up.

"Oh honey…" Chloe came and put an arm around you.

"He's not coming, is he?" You looked at her with tears now dripping down your face.

She looked down at her watch; it had been about an hour since you had shown up there. That was about 20 minutes from the church. So it had been a while for Rafael to change his mind.

"I mean... I don't want to be Debbie Downer or anything but--" She have you a pity look.

"30 more minutes?" You pleaded with puppy dog eyes.

"Alright…." She looked at Maria who just shrugged sadly. Then she linked an arm in yours, laying her head on shoulder. "As long as you need."

------

Rafael was in an Uber, heading towards Central Park. He couldn't decide how he felt at the moment. He was enraged with Olivia for fucking with his emotions, his brain, his heart. How long has it gone on for?

Now that it had been a while since his last "dose", he was starting to realize he couldn't remember yesterday, or any of the past week, and it scared the shit out of him.

How could she do this? How could she just take memories from him like taking cookies out of a cookie jar? And with absolutely NO remorse? She was STILL trying to control him even when he was confronting her! Did she ever really love him? Were they ever really friends? It was like losing a lover and his best friend in one fell swoop.

And then there was you. Maybe you really had been Liv-- his lover and best friend. But she had taken that too, he had no memory of you whatsoever.

Even now he struggled to even remember your name. He was pretty sure you had said it in his dressing room, but all the shit he had in his system still left him all foggy. He did remember you knew his middle name, his Broadway dream.

You knew about Eduardo, how could he have told you about Eduardo? How important were you to him? How could he just forget that? He wanted that back, that safe feeling you were going on about. You were absolutely on the money about him never feeling safe once his Abuela had moved in with him and his mother. His mother's house never felt safe, even after Eduardo left.

His Mami was wonderful, but he never felt like he could ever fully be himself with her, because she wouldn't accept him. Which is why he never felt comfortable sharing himself completely, ever.

He wanted that safe feeling so badly….he wanted his feelings back so badly. Even if they were someone he supposedly didn't know.

"Uh….hey man are you ok? The Uber driver's question made him realize he was crying. The driver was awkwardly glancing back at him.

"Ahem...yeah no I'm fine. Can we uh...can we go any faster?"

"Hey man I can't control New York traffic," he gestured towards the stand still grid of cars.

He was still 5 blocks away. He wasn't entirely sure just how in love with him you were, though you were pretty damn hysterical at the church.

Would you wait all night? Have you already left?

"You know what, I think I can walk faster than this," Rafael told the driver as he got out on the curb and began running towards the park.

"....Don't forget to rate me five stars!!!" The driver called after him.

----

You glanced down at your phone, it had been 45 minutes since you had asked Chloe for 30. Maria was asleep on a bench, Chloe was falling asleep on your shoulder.

He wasn't coming. Olivia had won. You had to accept it.

You put your phone down and walked up to the glass of the penguin tank. They were all sleeping, except for one. They all were wearing these adorable harnesses that had their name on them, hers read "Penny".

Penny was sitting on a rock above the water, just staring at the "shore" of their enclosure.

You wondered if there was any explanation for that-- you googled "PENNY PENGUIN CENTRAL PARK ZOO". An article immediately came up. You scanned it, reading a particular sentence.

"....Penny's mate was killed in an accident at the zoo six months ago. Penguins are notoriously monogamous, so it's likely she won't ever take another mate. She just spends her night and days looking towards the place the Zookeeper's took Leonard from the enclosure."

Your heart broke, tears came to your eyes for the millionth time that day as you pressed a hand to the glass.

"I'm right there with you Penny, I know how you feel babe…" You sniffled as if the penguin could understand you. But she still continued to stare, waiting for her love to come back.

You wiped tears away and walked away from the tank over to Chloe and Maria, shaking her awake.

"Let's go," you sniffled.

"You sure honey?" She asked you as Maria stirred awake.

"Yeah…. it's over," you sniffled again, all out of water in your body.

She let you lean on her as you walked back up the stairs to the park.

You were so downtrodden, you didn't notice you had left your phone sitting in the enclosure.