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watchmegetobsessed · 2 months ago

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UNDONE I.

A/N: i've started like 3 wips these past weeks but finally finished one! so here is some boss!harry for you, let me know if you want more of it, bc i feel like i could def add to this story!

WORD COUNT: 8.1k

WARNING: sexual content

SUMMARY: Harry is obsessed with Y/N. The only problem is that he is her boss, so he keeps this obsession to himself. But everything changes after one drunken night.

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Harry has a love-hate relationship with the glass-walled meeting rooms in the office. Aesthetically they are bringing that well-known, usual vibe of every corporate office, nothing new, nothing unusual. Often, he is irritated that people tend to peek inside as they walk past towards the coffee machine or the restroom. He knows it’s second nature, they don’t necessarily try to intrude, but it tends to frustrate him when he is in the middle of a meeting and a random guy is just staring him down from outside. He tried to get the glass covered, but HR declined, they said something about transparency that just pissed Harry off even more, then he just gave up.

But lately, there’s been an advantage of those see-through dividers, because if people from outside can see in, that means Harry can see everything and everyone outside.

Like right now, as he is sitting by the oval table, laptop in front of him while the lawyers are talking about all the legal documents that are needed for their next deal, it’s an important step and Harry is usually great at focusing on what matters, but today his attention is somewhere else.

Outside of the meeting room, right by Y/N’s desk.

She is the latest addition in the department, a talented analyst who joined a little over three months ago. Harry knows she is great, because he was there at her interview. He is usually not one to attend interviews, but the hiring manager got sick and they needed someone from management to be there as well and Harry had a spare hour he wanted to use to get a little ahead on that tender he’d been working on, but that got thrown right out the window.

It was the last thing he wanted to do, listen to some random analyst who probably never even saw a DWH system, they always think they are qualified to deal with anything, but then they see just how much data they need to work with and then freak out. Harry was convinced it would happen that time too, but he was wrong.

Y/N walked in there, seemingly nervous, fidgeting with the hem of her cardigan, looking like a frightened little rabbit, so innocent, so sweet, something surprising happened.

Harry was in awe.

He found himself being drawn towards her, interested in how she’d perform at the interview. He kept a straight face as the recruiter beside him asked her some basic questions and then he took over for the professional part.

He gave her his hardest questions, things even seniors might not know, he quizzed her about topics that are way too specific to work around and… she excelled. She couldn’t answer every question, but she worked up a logic she would use to at least try to tackle the matter and Harry knew she would succeed if she had the right materials.

She blew his mind away. Once she left, he turned to the recruiter and said:

“I want her. Get her to start next week.”

And she did. Next monday, she was holding her onboarding package, eyes bright as she got seated at her desk, ready to start working.

Now she is sitting at the same spot, wearing her blue light glasses, her eyebrows slightly furrowed behind them as she is working on something on her computer. She is wearing a long sundress today with a yellow cardigan to cover her shoulders. Harry has noted her colorful outfits every morning when she strolled into the office, brightening the otherwise dull atmosphere. It’s a whole floor full of developers, analysts and other IT professionals, they are not known for their exquisite fashion taste, but Y/N is different. Her wardrobe is full of colors and pieces others wouldn’t consider as business casual, but somehow she always makes it work.

She is the kind of person that has a nice word for everyone, she often brings coffee to Linda, whose desk is across from hers and they usually have lunch together, Harry has noted. She is always happy to help others, she is great at seeing problems differently and quick to come up with solutions. She is definitely a favorite among her colleagues.

Unlike Harry.

Not that he wants to be liked, he is head of IT, he needs to lead, keep everything under control and make hard decisions. He is not stupid, Harry knows most people in the department fear him, he is not known for being friendly and chatty. He usually has so much work he doesn’t have time left to get a coffee with anyone, not that he would have anyone to invite. He is the gruff boss who is always busy and people try not to cross paths with.

He doesn’t mind it. He likes to be focused on his work and most people don’t realize how hard it is to be the one to decide about budget cuts, downsizing and restructuring, because they don’t see what goes down behind these decisions, they just want to blame someone and that’s usually him. They don’t want to be friends with the big boss who fired their work bestie, even if it was a known fact they never did their job.

It was never an issue for him how his employees saw him. Until her.

Someone stops by Y/N’s desk and he watches her face light up as she gives them her attention. He can’t hear what she is saying, but when she laughs, it rings in his ears. He loves hearing her laugh.

“So what do you think?” one of the lawyers asks him and he snaps back, realizing he has no idea what they were talking about in the last five minutes. He quickly looks down at his notes so far, but there’s no use.

“Uh, I’ll leave it to you. I have to go now, do you think you can have everything set by the end of next week? We need it for the next sprint.”

“Sure,” the guy nods, his name is something with a J, but Harry can’t remember what it is.

He is relieved that he could dodge admitting he has no idea what was talked about, shutting his laptop he murmurs a thank you for the group and he is the first one to walk out of the room, heading towards his office.

Y/N is not at her desk when he walks past and he looks for her, hoping he is not too obvious, but he sees no trace of her. Is she having coffee with that guy who walked up to her desk? Are they planning something outside of work? Does he want to date her?

Harry’s thoughts are racing as he closes the door behind him, shutting out the general buzz of the open office outside. With a sigh, he sits down in his chair, places his laptop onto the desk, but leaves it unopened for a bit as he rubs his face with his hands.

He always has control. He plans and keeps himself to his plan, he gathers data, analyses and then makes a new plan. Easy as it is. This is why he likes his job, IT is usually exact, the problem might be deeply hidden, but it’s always exact, he just needs to find the data.

But he’s been feeling chaotic lately. He is disoriented, can’t focus at meetings and finds himself thinking about her when he is supposed to be working. He just can’t help it.

“Fuck,” he breathes out, then rolls his head, his neck cracks and he lets out a groan before opening his laptop and trying his best to get back to working. The code opens in front of him and he focuses on the lines he’s been trying to rewrite, but right when he is about to start typing, there’s a knock on his door. For a second, he feels irritated that he was interrupted again, but then he looks past the screen and sees her.

Harry nods and Y/N walks through the glass door, holding her laptop to her chest, smiling shyly. Harry likes to think that this smile is for him only, that he is the reason to bring it to her lips, though he doubts he has such an effect on her. But still, it’s a nice thought.

“Hey,” he greets her as she crosses the room and sits across from him.

“Hi. Am I disturbing you?”

“No,” he shakes his head.

“I finished those tables you asked for yesterday, but I wanted to run a few things with you.”

“You… finished?” he asks as Y/N unfolds her laptop, nodding.

“Yeah.” She places the laptop onto his desk and he leans closer, focusing on the screen as Y/N explains what she found unclear, but Harry is still stunned when she is done talking.

“Is it… Is it bad? Not what you thought of?” she asks, seeing his face.

“No, it’s… Y/N, you did this all by yourself?”

“Yes?” Her answer sounds unsure and panic settles in her visibly. “I-I’m sorry if it’s–”

“Y/N, this is brilliant.”

She is taken aback by his compliment, it wasn’t the first time, but it feels like a gift every time for her.

“It is?”

“Yeah. I mean, I didn’t doubt you could do it, but I didn’t think it would turn out this great and you also finished so fast, I thought it would take you the entire week at least.”

“Well… I did stay in a little longer last night,” she admits with a soft chuckle and it tugs on his chest right away. He looks at her over the desk, their eyes meet and for a second, warmth spreads through his veins as he fights the urge to reach out and touch her.

Clearing his throat he leans back in his chair.

“Send it over, I’ll leave comments on those sections and then you can start the migration.”

“Thank you,” she nods, taking her laptop and heading to the door.

“And well done, Y/N,” he calls after her. She just nods and smiles at him before walking out.

Harry watches her return to her desk, takes some deep breaths and forces himself to return to the code on his own computer.

***

Linda wiggles her eyebrows at Y/N once she is sat at her desk.

“Did you two eye-fuck again?” she asks and Y/N gapes at her, quickly looking around to see if anyone heard her, but luckily, everyone is too busy.

“Linda! That’s–We don’t do that.”

“Oh please,” she scoffs, twirling her pen around between her fingers.

“We just went over the tables. He said I did a good job.” She shrugs, but Linda doesn’t miss how the corners of her mouth curl up, though she tries to hide it.

“You do realize you’re the only one in this whole department he has ever complimented, right?”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. Zach go the best reaction from him last spring, when he spent two weeks refactoring a fucked up code, Harry said it was acceptable. That’s all. The fact that he said you did a good job is just another proof that he is into you.”

“Would you stop talking about the head of IT being into me?” Y/N hisses. “Come on, let’s get a coffee before you start screaming it.”

They go down a floor where the coffee station has better options and once they both have a mug full of coffee, they settle by a high table in the common area.

“I have a confession to make,” Y/N admits, but avoids looking her in the eyes. “Okay, go for it.”

“I’m meeting Archer today.”

“Y/N! Not your fucking ex! Why?!” Linda gasps. “Do you really hate yourself that much?”

“I don’t hate myself,” she gives her a look, before returning her gaze to her mug. “He texted me the other day.”

“And you texted him back?”

“Well, yes, of course.”

“Boo! You should have blocked his number a long time ago!”

Y/N has thought about that. A lot. Her asshole ex has come back a couple of times since they broke up about a year ago, they shared one or two nights, but it always ended with him disappearing and leaving her shattered. His comebacks slowed down the process of getting over him a lot and though she feels like she is finally okay, she couldn’t just ignore his text.

“That’s not like me,” she shrugs, ignoring the thought that she knows Linda is right.

“Hun, what do you think will happen today that hasn’t happened before?”

The question stings, right in her chest, because she knows it’s true. Her logical side knows Archer won’t just magically apologize for the way he treated her, even though it’s the only thing she wants from him at this point. To admit that he was in the wrong.

“We’ll talk. That’s it.”

“Please don’t sleep with him,” Linda sighs desperately. “He doesn’t deserve your time.”

“I won’t,” she says, though she is not entirely certain it’s the truth.

“Uh-huh, okay.” Linda checks the time on her phone. “I gotta go, I have a meeting in ten.”

“I’m coming too, I have a lot to do.”

Grabbing their mugs they head out of the common area, back to the upper floor.

***

Harry didn’t mean to eavesdrop. He is the last person to be interested in anyone’s private life in the office.

But when he heard Y/N’s voice as he was about to walk into the room, he stopped and hid behind the wall, listening to a conversation that was truly not meant for his ears.

Hearing the two women talk about Y/N’s ex has ignited something new in him, especially when it became clear that he has hurt her in the past. Harry is not one to become violent, he channels all his tendencies in the gym while boxing, but from what he heard of the guy, he would have gladly punched him in the face. A few times.

Maybe more than a few.

The short conversation tickled his curiosity about what happened, but when he heard that they were about to leave, he quickly walked away so they didn’t see him.

Now as he is back by his desk he can’t focus on the code in front of him at all, his thoughts are only about this mysterious ex Y/N is apparently meeting today. At one point, he even considers giving her some extra work to keep her in late and preferably miss the meeting, but that would be too petty even for him. Instead, he spends the next hour pretending to work while he just keeps fantasizing about different scenarios of what happened between Y/N and the guy.

Slowly, the office starts to empty out as the end of the day nears. Desks get abandoned, lights are turned off and Harry is still there, since he barely got anything done that day.

He sees when Y/N packs up her stuff and leaves and his jaw almost breaks as he holds himself still and just watches her walk out.

“I’m fucking insane,” he mumbles under his breath, willing himself to do some work now that he can’t get distracted by Y/N every time she leaves her desk.

It’s all new to him. This obsession he’s been feeling since the moment he saw Y/N at the interview. An invisible string has been pulling him towards her and it’s unlike anything he has felt with his exes before.

He wasn’t obsessed. He didn’t think of them all the time. He didn’t lose focus when he was seeing someone. But with Y/N, he is losing his precious control and it’s almost scary.

He finally manages to lock in for some work and time flies by. Next time he looks up from his screen the whole office is empty, only his desk lamp giving light and the green haze of the exit signs. It’s past nine and he can hear the cleaner vacuuming somewhere on the floor, so with a tired smile he shuts his computer off, gathers his things and heads out.

He moved less than a year ago and the place he bought is within walking distance of the office. He knows it might have been a stupid idea to get a place just because it’s close to his working place, he probably won’t work there his whole life, but he doesn’t see himself switching for a long time, so it’s convenient.

With his backpack hanging off one shoulder he steps out into the warm evening, the afternoon rush is over, now the nearby bars and restaurants are full of workers desperately needing to let some steam off before heading home.

There’s a small park he walks through before reaching his street and it has always been dear to him, a nice change in the scenery of concrete and glass in the middle of the city. There’s even a small pond along the path that takes him across the park with benches and a handful of ducks are usually circling in the water peacefully.

Older people from around like to come here and sit or take a short walk and they are the only people Harry likes to watch. He admires their slow pace, no rush, just enjoying what they have, a state he dreams of reaching too.

Tonight, as he passes by the pond his eyes spot a familiar figure sitting on one of the benches. He stops in his tracks, questioning if his sight is right, because the person sitting there with her head hanging low looks just like Y/N. As he slowly approaches he notices the soft shaking of her shoulders.

She’s crying.

***

Y/N has been sitting on that bench for… God knows how long. Could have been minutes, could have been hours. She was planning to cry her eyes out at once, then move on by the time she gets home, but apparently, she needs more time to get herself over than she estimated. This spot seemed like a great one, it’s far enough from the lights so people don’t notice she is crying, but she definitely did not expect to be noticed by her boss.

“Y/N?”

Harry’s voice makes her jump and as her head snaps up, she finds herself staring up at the person she least expected to see. His eyebrows are furrowed, concern is written all over his face as he stands a few feet away from the bench, as if he can’t tell if it’s a good idea for him to get closer.

“Oh, hi!” She quickly forces a smile on her face, but she knows she is fooling no one. She wipes her tear-soaked cheeks with the back of her hand and prays her mascara is not smudged all around her eyes in panda style. “What–What are you doing here?”

“I live nearby, I’m on my way home. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… I was just taking a walk and now I’m… not.”

Her brain does not function. She knows what she said didn’t make any sense, but she can’t think of something else to say. She is way too busy thinking about how Harry is standing right there just after her ex made her wait for him for an hour before texting her he is not coming and when she called him to confront, a woman answered his phone.

It didn’t take long for Y/N to draw the conclusions: Archer was only trying to hook up with her tonight, but apparently found someone else and ditched her. A classic move from an asshole like him, but that doesn’t make her feel less like shit. Mostly because she should have known better and not believe he would do anything other than hurting her.

Harry just stands there for a few moments and Y/N is expecting him to walk away and pretend like he didn’t even see her, but he surprises her when he walks over to the bench and sits beside her.

“Do you want to… talk about what happened?”

“Nothing happened,” she answers right away, but when she looks at him, it’s obvious he doesn’t believe her. With a sigh, she turns her gaze back towards the pond. She is hesitating between keeping it all to herself or just dumping it on Harry and then deal with the consequences later, but right when she is about to make up her mind, he speaks up.

“Is this about… your ex-boyfriend?”

She turns to him with wide eyes.

“How do you…”

A guilty look takes over his face before he shrugs.

“I heard you talking about him earlier. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“I shouldn’t talk so freely with Linda in the office,” she chuckles, shaking her head. They sit in silence, when Harry peeks at her she seems deep in her thoughts and he is desperate to get her to talk, but doesn’t want to push her too much.

As a last resort, he says:

“Do you want to have a drink?”

***

The tequila is burning her throat, she can’t help the frown as she bites into the lemon. When she looks at Harry, she is not even surprised he has the same, unbothered look on his face he had after the previous two shots.

“Uh, how are you taking it so well?” she coughs and then takes a sip from her beer. They were lucky enough to find a table at a bar nearby and she was quick to accept that maybe getting drunk is what she needs right now, even if the alarms are still going off somewhere in the back of her mind, because doing it with Harry might not be her brightest idea.

“I guess I still have some left of my college years,” he shrugs and she starts laughing.

“Don’t tell me you were a party animal in college,” she snorts. The three shots and half a beer has definitely set her tongue free and took away her sense of embarrassment after saying everything that’s on her mind. She will surely regret it in the morning, but right now she couldn’t care less.

Harry likes this version of her. She is always bubbly and talkative, but in his presence he often senses her nervousness. Now there’s no trace of that and he is sinking in every moment of it.

“What do you think I was like in college?” he asks, tilting his head to the side.

“I don’t know,” she shrugs, the words slurring a bit on her tongue. “Like a… hot nerd?”

He quirks an eyebrow at her and she realizes only then that she just called him hot.

“I-I mean… I don’t–What I meant is–”

“I was a nerd,” he says, saving her from her rambling. “I was in the robotics club, spent a lot of time in the library, trying to hack their system so I didn’t have to return some books I wanted to keep.”

She can’t help, but laugh as Harry is smiling at the memory as well.

“Did you succeed?”

“What do you think?”

“For sure.”

“Correct,” he chuckles, taking a sip of his beer. “But I went to parties. I had this friend group from highschool, some of them were friends with the popular kids so we were always invited.”

“I can’t picture you with a red solo cup, filled with cheap booze.”

“But it happened,” he chuckles. “Luckily, photos have been deleted from social media.”

“Did you wipe the internet?” she asks, leaning closer as if she was asking him about a secret.

“No, but I did message those who had the photos posted when I was getting higher in my career.”

“Clever,” she nods and grabbing her beer, she takes a few swigs. Then her smile fades. “Maybe I should tell you what happened, right?”

“Only if you want to.”

Sighing she leans back, pursing her lips as she squints her eyes, looking back at him. She can’t think straight. Her thoughts are jumping, one moment she is thinking about Archer, the next all her attention is on how plump his lips look when they are wet from the beer, or the way his top two buttons of his shirt have come undone and she is seeing fucking tattoos, along his collarbones.

She wants to kiss them.

“I was stupid enough to think that I matter to him and he wouldn’t… hurt me. But he did. That’s it, lesson learned.”

She would love to look unbothered, like it doesn’t affect her, but she can’t. Her throat is closing up and when Harry calls out her name softly, she looks up at him with tears in her eyes and wobbling lips.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying, I know. I’m sorry!”

“Don’t apologize,” Harry shakes his head, but it’s like she didn’t even hear him.

“I know it’s stupid, but I just thought it might be different this time, that he might apologize and I can finally… I don’t know.”

“It’s not stupid. It’s not. You’re allowed to hope, to want to be treated the right way.”

“But I should have learned my lesson before!”

“You could have, but it’s okay. You will now. You’re smart, smarter than you think. You’ll get over it, doesn’t matter how long it takes, you will get there. I know it.”

“How?” she asks in a whisper, unable to break the eye-contact.

“I don’t know how you’ll do it, but–”

“No,” she shakes her head. “How do you know it?”

He slowly runs his tongue over his lips, thinking his words through before speaking them.

“I just do. Do you believe me?”

Without hesitation she nods.

“I do.”

***

“If someone said one day I would be waiting for an Uber with my boss, drunk out of my ass at two am, I would have laughed them in the face.”

Y/N is holding onto a lamp post with one hand, twirling around it like a little kid as Harry stands by the curb, one hand in his pocket, the other one holding his phone, tracking the Uber that’s supposed to pick Y/N up and take her home. He is watching her with a tiny smile, it’s great to see her so carefree after her breakdown earlier.

“Which part is so unbelievable?”

She stops and steps closer to him. She can’t stand still, keeps shifting her weight between her feet and Harry is on alert in case she loses her balance.

“All of it,” she grins up at him, blinking lazily. “Except the drunk out of my ass. That happens sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Ooh, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Am I in trouble?”

“Because you get drunk sometimes? You’re an adult, you can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah, but… you’re my boss,” she giggles, then starts swaying as if she could hear some music. “It’s not professional to get drunk.”

“Not when you’re working. But you’re not at work right now.”

“Nope,” she shakes her head, popping the ‘p’ sound. “I’m on the street, with Harry Styles, after drinking with Harry Styles! And now I’m gonna go home in an Uber that Harry Styles ordered for me!”

“Are you enjoying saying my name?” he chuckles, glancing at his phone again, The car is five minutes away. He is already dreading the moment it arrives, because that means the night ends. But he knows she has to get home and sleep it off.

“I do,” she sings. “It has a nice ring to it. It’s a cool name for a cool guy.”

“Oh, so I’m cool?” He knows he shouldn’t take advantage of her drunken state and keep her talking, but he just can’t get himself to stop.

“Yeah. You’re cool and smart and scary sometimes and mysterious, but not tonight,” she giggles as she keeps swaying around, while Harry can’t take his eyes off her, not when she is talking about him. “People at the office are scared of you, but I think you’re great.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. You’re amazing, I always look forward to seeing you. Sometimes I…” She giggles at whatever she is thinking about, completely oblivious at how intently Harry is listening to her. “Sometimes I ask you about things I know just so we can talk.” She shakes her head with a chuckle, but it’s enough for her to lose balance.

She gasps when she starts falling, but he is quick to grab her by her arms, yanking her towards him to keep her from smashing against the concrete. She is not laughing anymore, especially when she realizes that her chest is pressed against his, hands still holding her arms firmly. And his eyes are piercing into her gaze in a way that takes her breath away.

“I love when you come asking questions,” he admits. “That’s usually my favorite part of the day.”

Her eyes widen at his words and when his gaze shifts down to her lips, they part as she gasps for air. Her chest presses even more against his as she fills her lungs and she feels even more dizzy now than before.

“I want to kiss you.”

The words blurt out of her before she could think them through, unaware of the effect they have on Harry. His gaze darkens and it moves down at her lips again. But before he could say or do anything, the Uber pulls up beside them.

Harry lets go of her, then opens the door.

“Get some sleep, Y/N. I’ll see you on Monday.”

She blinks at him a few times as he just stands there, waiting for her to get inside. She is confused. Drunk and tired and the longer she stays there the more awkward she feels, so she finally gets into the car, then Harry shuts the door and the car starts moving.

Y/N turns around and sees him still standing there, hands in his pockets, his head hanging low. Then she slides down in the seat, closes her eyes and then replays those couple of moments when she was pressed up against him over and over again until the car stops at her apartment building.

***

Sunday evening Y/N contemplates calling in sick. Preferably with something that keeps her away from the office… forever.

Once she woke in the afternoon of Saturday, sobered up, with a killer headache, memories from last night came crashing down on her and the embarrassment took over instantly. She spent the rest of the weekend in agony, cursing herself out for being so stupid.

Did she really tell her boss she wanted to kiss him?

Yes, she in fact did. After getting drunk with him, crying about her ex and telling him all kinds of stuff she never planned on admitting to him. Like that she finds him cool and smart and sometimes scary.

But the kissing part is obviously the worst.

No matter how badly she dreads Monday morning, time doesn’t stop or slows down, the week starts and she has to go to work and face the consequences of her actions.

Maybe Harry won’t be there. But he is always there.

Maybe she can hide all day and avoid him… until the rest of her life or until she finds a new job. Very unlikely, but whatever.

Her palms are sweating as she swipes her card at the gates and heads up to her floor. She’s getting paranoid, thinking that everyone in the elevator knows what happened on Friday, even though no one even bats an eye in her direction.

Luckily, as she logs into her computer at her desk, work swamps her and provides enough distraction to stop her from throwing up when she sees Harry for the first time.

It seems like he is having a busy day too, he is in and out of meetings for the most part of the noon, she only sees him passing by or sitting in his office with his AirPods in, a sign that he is in an online meeting. But even when he is free for a short time, Y/N makes sure she avoids facing him. She even considers moving to another floor’s common room with her laptop for the day if it means she can survive without running into him and God forbid, talking to him.

But then comes an email.

It’s a bit after lunch time when it pops up in her inbox and her stomach drops to the floor right away when she sees it’s from Harry. Then another wave of anxiety washes over her when she reads it.

FROM: Harry Styles

Come to my office at your earliest convenience. -H

“Oh shit,” she mumbles under her breath and it catches Linda’s ears across from her, who gives her a questioning look. “Nothing.” She just shakes her head, grabs her laptop and then heads to Harry’s office with shaking knees.

Is this the part where he tells her behavior was unacceptable? Did he maybe report her to HR for what she said?

She knocks on the door with a sweaty hand, Harry looks up from his screen with a blank face and nods at her to go inside.

“Hey. I got your email.” She sounds like a frightened little girl as she closes the door behind her and stills, hugging her laptop to her chest.

“Thanks for coming right away.”

Harry pushes his chair back lazily, stands and rounds the desk before leaning against it leisurely, his eyes glued to Y/N who is still standing by the door, too scared to go further. He doesn’t like the distance.

“Come, sit,” he nods towards one of the chairs in front of his desk.

Obediently, she walks over and takes a seat, blinking up at him with wide eyes while he looks unbothered and almost… bored. He squints his eyes at her, tilting his head to the side a bit before finally speaking up.

“Is there a specific reason why you’re avoiding me all day?”

Her lips part at his question and her first instinct is to deny.

“I-I’m not–”

“Y/N, you are. Normally, you would have already asked me at least two questions, but instead you walk out of the office every time I step out of mine. You are avoiding me.”

She shuts her mouth, trying to come up with something to say that could save her, but nothing comes to her mind.

“I’m sorry.” Her gaze drops to the floor, his stare is too intense for her. “I’m so ashamed about… everything I said on Friday, I didn’t know how to face you. I said all that… inappropriate stuff you definitely shouldn’t have heard. like… ever. I’m sorry.”

“Y/N,” he softly says, but her gaze remains on her shoes. “Y/N, look at me, please.”

Finally, she dares to move her eyes back to meet his and then he continues… in the most surprising way.

“What I’m about to say, it’s going to be fully unrelated to work. Can you treat it as something outside of this setting?” Y/N nods. “Use your words, I need to hear you say it. Do you understand that this conversation is outside of work?”

“I understand,” she answers weakly, her mouth running dry.

“Good.” He nods and then continues. “Do not feel sorry for anything you said. I’m glad I know all of that. The only downside of it is that now I need every ounce of self-control not to bend you over this desk and fuck you until you forget your own name.”

This time her mouth hangs open. For a moment she is not entirely convinced she hasn’t just imagined it all. That it wasn’t just her sick mind playing tricks on her. But then he speaks again.

“Did you hear what I said? That I want to fuck you into oblivion on this desk?”

“Yes,” she breathes out, trembling.

“Good. Now I want you to go back to your desk and think it through whether you want that too or not. If you decide that you feel the same way, stay late and come back here when everyone is gone. Understood?”

“Yes.”

She feels dizzy, but not the same kind she felt on Friday, this is entirely different. Turning around she walks out of the room, but she’s on auto pilot as she returns to her desk. She leans back in her chair and slowly looks around.

No one in the room knows what just happened. Everyone is just minding their own business while Y/N is on the verge of fainting.

“You alright?” Linda peeks out from behind her screen with a concerned look on her face. “What did he want?”

If only she knew! Y/N thinks. She is dying to share, to take the whole conversation apart and analyze every bit, but she can’t. Instead, she forces a smile to her face.

“Just checked in with me about the migration.”

Linda examines her suspiciously for a second, but then her phone rings and she returns to her work while Y/N opens her laptop as well, but as she stares at the document in front of her she was working on before Harry’s email, she can’t even make out a word.

Instead, she is busy thinking about what happens when the office empties out.

***

Harry was dragged into some urgent issue sometime in the afternoon and it gave him enough work to take his attention away from prying outside, impatiently waiting for everyone to leave while making sure Y/N is still there.

He answers one call after the other while emails keep popping into his inbox and he loses track of Y/N. When he finally drags his gaze away from the screen he looks up and finds the whole floor empty. All of it.

Meaning that Y/N left as well. Groaning he stands from his desk and walks over to the window, staring out into the night that has slowly creeped up on him. He truly thought she would stay. That she felt the same desire and thirst as him and she wants to explore whatever it could be, but maybe he read it all wrong.

How will this affect their work? He should have thought of that before telling her he wants to fuck her on his desk. Who even does that? He is supposed to be her boss, her mentor, this was so incredibly inappropriate, he is thinking about reporting himself to HR and–

There’s a knock on his door.

Turning around he freezes when he sees Y/N standing there with doe-like eyes and with just one look she is already making his pulse jump. He nods, barely noticeably, but she sees it and lets herself inside, closing the door behind her even though it’s truly just the two of them now.

“Hey,” she sheepishly says, stopping exactly where she did earlier when he wrote her that email. This time however, Harry is the one to cross the room and then stop just inches away from her. She wonders if he could hear the wild hammering of her heart in her chest, the dizziness is back and she hides her hands behind her back so he doesn’t notice them shaking.

“Did you think about what I said?”

Harry talks slowly and clearly and she couldn’t tell just moments ago he was freaking out too. But now that she’s there, every racing thought is gone from his mind, all he is thinking about is… her.

“Yes.”

“And what’s your conclusion?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” There’s a tiny bit of sassiness in her tone, just enough to start a fire in him.

She catches the way one corner of his lips curls up as he takes another small step towards her, his hands come up to cup her jaw on either side and he gently tilts her head back, angling it perfectly. Then slowly, he leans closer until his lips are almost touching hers, but then stops. As if he is giving one last chance for her to change her mind, but she is still there, waiting for him to finally break down the wall between them and he gives in.

He lets his hunger take over instantly. There’s no testing the waters, feeling each other up, he kisses her in a demanding, needy way that takes her breath away at first, but she is quick to react the same way.

Her hands move to his shirt, grabbing the fabric at his stomach while his hands are still holding onto her face, but then they slide down her sides, settle on the back of her thighs and she knows exactly what he wants her to do. So without breaking them apart, she jumps up, he catches her with ease as she wraps her legs around his waist and he blindly carries her to the small sofa by the wall.

He sinks into the cushion and she straddles him, giving her a bit of advantage in height this way, so now he is the one to crane his neck while she is leaning down to meet him.

It’s a mess, lip biting, tongues crashing, soft moans and grunts, his palms wander over his thighs and ass and then he sneakily peels her soft pink shirt out of her tight jeans so his hands can slip under the fabric and feel her heated skin.

She is desperate to feel more, to ease the aching throbbing between her legs, so when she starts rolling her hips and grinding against his rapidly growing bulge, he can’t help the moan that slips out of his mouth, right into hers.

His head drops to the back of the sofa and she takes the chance to kiss her way down the column of his neck. After dozens of fantasies doing the same thing during meetings, now she is finally tasting his skin, gently nibbling on a spot that has his hands grab onto her ass, pushing her even more into him.

When their lips meet again her fingers dance down his chest, feeling up his abdomen through his shirt and then settle on his belt, she starts undoing it, but he is quick to stop her, which breaks her out of her trance., scared that she did something wrong.

Reading her from just one look, Harry shakes his head softly.

“I know I said I want to bend you over my desk, but I don’t want the first time I’m inside you to be here. So we are gonna do it differently for now.”

As he speaks, his fingers work the buttons of her shirt, one after the other until the white, lacy bra is revealed underneath.

“Is it fucking Christmas?” he breathes out, hooking a finger into one of the cups and tugging it down so your breast spills out of it. An airy chuckle slips out of her, but it quickly turns into a gasp when he sucks her pebbled nipple into his mouth, even gently biting and tugging on it. Her fingers comb through his hair, his fingertips massaging his scalp as her grinding continues.

“I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do,” he murmurs against her chest, one hand freeing her other breast from the bra as well, so he can pay equal attention to them both. “You’re gonna grind that needy cunt of yours against me until you come, just so you can see what it is like when you’re not even undressed and imagine what will happen once I get to unwrap you.” He smacks her ass gently, a moan slipping out through her parted lips. “And I’m gonna leave marks all over tits and suck your nipples until they are so tender you can barely touch them, so when you go home and see yourself in the mirror, you’ll remember every moment of what’s happening right now.”

His hands grab her hips and make her roll them harder, his erection and the seam of her jeans rubbing into her soaking wet cunt. She eagerly takes the pace he dictated, desperate to chase her release that’s building in the pit of her stomach rapidly.

“Do you like that? Do you like my plan?” he asks, his lips brushing against her nipple, teasing her with his touch just enough to make her whine and ache for more.

“Yes,” he nods eagerly, hands clasping the back of his head to pull him closer to her chest and feel his lips on her heated skin again and he complies happily.

“Then let me feel how badly you want to come.”

If someone told Y/N in the morning, that tonight she would be dry humping her boss like a horny teenager, she would have checked that person into a mental hospital. Yet here she is, grinding against Harry’s massive bulge, shamelessly rubbing her cunt against his erection while his mouth is full of her breast.

He has already left a few marks on her and she knows she’ll have to wear turtlenecks for the next 2 weeks, but she couldn’t care less.

“Fuck, I’m so close,” she cries out when she finds just the right angle where the seam of her jeans and the tip of his restrained cock rub her clit perfectly, sending sparks through her nerves.

“Go on, want to see you come undone.” He bites the side of her left breast and she hisses, but it feels so good, so fucking great she moans loudly, her head falling back at the sensation.

“Harry, I–Ah!”

His hands grab her ass and he pulls her in, making her fall forward, her chest pressing up against his as she buries her face into his neck, fastening her movements as her orgasm is nearing.

“Come on, Y/N. Let me see you come undone.”

“Wanna feel you inside,” she whines, but keeps moving.

“I know and you will. Just not now.”

She whines again in a disapproving manner, but doesn’t stop and Harry’s hips start moving as well. He encourages her a few more times, his lips brushing against her ear, sending shivers down her spine and right when she thinks she can’t take it anymore, the bubble pops.

She gasps and moans, her movements get dragged out and Harry forces her to look him in the eyes as she rides out her joy. She loses track of time, can’t tell if it lasts for seconds or hours. But when it’s over she collapses into his arms.

“You did so good. So fucking good,” he murmurs into her ear, kissing the side of her face wherever he can reach. When she finally catches her breath she sits up straight and looking down she sees that he’s still hard underneath her.

Instantly, she reaches down, ready to take him out and take care of him, but he stops her again.

“Not now.”

“But you… didn’t–”

“I know,” he smiles softly. “But if we go further now, I won’t be able to stop and I told you, I want the first time I’m inside you in a different setting.”

She understands and it’s flattering knowing he wouldn’t be able to control himself if they continued, but it feels unbalanced now that only she came.

“Are you sure?” she asks, hands flattening on his stomach.

Smiling, he nods. “Very sure.”

She thinks to herself for a bit and reaching up Harry brushes a lock of hair behind her ear as a smile stretches slowly across her face.

“What is it?”

“So… this means there will be a next time?”

The playful glint in her eyes amuses him. She is sitting on his lap, her chest still exposed, lips swollen from his kisses while his erection is still straining against his pants and she asks if there will be a next time.

“Oh yeah. I will watch you come undone over and over again in every possible way. If you let me.”

She bites into her bottom lip, sheepishly blinking down at him, but her answer surprises him for a moment.

“I’m not letting you.” His face falls and his heart drops into his stomach, but she is quick to continue: “I’m begging you.”

“Oh baby, for that, now I’m adding spanking to when I’m bending you over my desk and fuck you.”

Her smile only grows wider.

“Please, Boss!”

PART II.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut

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mercy-burning · 5 months ago

Text

Exposure

AKA: a gentle rewrite/edit of Part 1, plus the rest of the story.

Pairing: therapist!Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After a year of self-inflicted social isolation, a rather intimate suggestion from your therapist turns your life on its head and opens up a whole new world of cliche, sexy possibilities... Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Themes and discussions of sexual trauma surrounding a painful sexual encounter, power dynamics, masturbation, dubious consent, voyeurism (unbeknownst to reader), Spencer is a perv, fingering, oral sex (fem. receiving), dry humping. Word Count: 9.6k (I had to cut her down, y'all, it was getting ridiculous and I'm sorry flsjdlksdk)

MASTERLIST

It is finally here. I have finally tackled the beast and finished Exposure the way the fanfic gods intended. I initially wanted this story to be what is is now and what you're about to read, but back when I wrote it the first time, I had ZERO self control and decided to just post what I had without finishing the rest, and I split the story into two parts... And then part two never saw the light of day. I have felt so bad ever since for abandoning the story and leaving you without a conclusion. I hope you'll forgive me and that it hasn't been too long for you to still care and read this now. And if you weren't around to read the original first part of Exposure, I hope you enjoy this brand new story that totally didn't exist before just now... ;)

———

ACT I: Homework

"And what about your sexual relationships?"

You freeze like a deer in headlights, unwilling to budge no matter how loudly his horn is blaring. Even as he asks again, your name a gentle coax on the surface of his tongue, you remain perfectly still.

"Did I strike a nerve?" he asks sweetly with a tilt of his head.

"U—Um... I..."

"It's important that you're up-front about these things with me... It's more than acceptable and valid if you don't feel like telling me everything right away. But if there's something wrong, I'd like to know. That way we can at least find somewhere to start. Does that sound alright?"

"Um... Y—Yeah, I guess so..."

He asks again, and you find it extremely difficult to look him in the eye.

Or to look at him in general.

You knew eventually you'd have to talk about your sex life, but in all honesty it had been forced deep into the back of your mind during the other sessions— You know, when you were laser-focused on literally anything else while trying not to think about how attractive you found your therapist and how fucked up that was.

Doctor Reid always makes sure to speak slow and concisely, which, when combined with its smooth tone and the way he looks at you with his pensive, hypnotizing eyes, tends to be absolutely fucking deadly. And his hands— the way they glide beautifully across the notepad he writes in, or how they flex and tap on his knee or on his chin from time to time, his focus trained solely on you...

He'd been dangerously distracting from the get-go, but now, on the topic of your sex life? You can't even entertain looking in his general direction.

So, with your eyes glued on your lap, you mindlessly count the number of tiny flowers printed on your skirt and answer the best you can. "I don't... I don't have frequent sexual relationships."

You wonder if he'll ask you to speak up, but he doesn't. Instead, he asks, "How frequent would you say they are?"

"Um... Well... I've only ever had sex once," you continue quietly, still training your eyes on your skirt.

"Are you... embarrassed about that?"

"No," you offer more firmly. Defensively.

He pauses. "That's good. There's no reason to be." And after you don't say anything in response, counting seven excruciatingly long seconds, you hear him continue. "How long ago was the encounter?"

You hesitate a little longer, but he doesn't push it. Eventually, intimidated by the silence, you sigh and quickly blurt, "About a year ago."

There's another pause, and you would assume he might be writing something down, but the room is too silent. Not even the soft scratch of pen to page dares to interrupt the tension you're feeling.

"And how did you find your experience?" he asks then, your eyes jumping to his face as if to make sure this is actually real and he's actually in front of you right now, asking you what you think you just heard. Your heart speeds up and your hands start to sweat.

"I—I'm sorry?"

He clears his throat, and yours contracts in a gulp. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"I... I don't... Why is that relevant?"

"You're coming to me once a week for counseling because you said you've found yourself shying away from other people, where a year ago you were a normal adult with normal interests in socializing and being around others. And you're unsure of what steps to take to get back to a normal routine. Correct?"

"Yes..."

"Every session so far, we've gone through your upbringing, your family life, school, friends, your first jobs... All up until now. Everything is perfectly fine, and yet we still can't seem to figure out why you've strayed from your habits. The only topic we haven't discussed is your sexual and romantic relationships."

You remain silent, eyes having dropped back down as he spoke, the flower pattern on your skirt suddenly becoming more like a dizzying optical illusion by the second.

Doctor Reid continues. "And judging your body language, I see that you haven't looked me in the eye once since I brought up sex. My guess is that something happened during your first time that—"

"Look, honestly I don't think that's relevant to my situation, I haven't had sex since then because I don't want to, it has nothing to do with this."

"It's okay if it does," Doctor Reid encourages. He is gentle as always, though if you hadn't known any better, you would think he sounds amused. "That's what I'm here for."

You glance up at him briefly, seeing a soft smile lighting the air between you. It briefly filters some of the embarrassment you're feeling, and with a sigh, you adjust in the chair and look off to the side.

"No. I didn't enjoy myself."

"Do... you want to tell me why you didn't enjoy yourself?"

You blink, feeling your chest tighten and your stomach churn at the memory. "It's stupid."

He calls your name gently, sympathetically... "I promise you it isn't... We don't have to discuss it now if you don't want to, but it's not stupid."

Thankfully he lets you mull it over in the silence for a while, giving you time to gather your emotions and thoughts. And eventually, without looking directly at him, you begin to open up.

"He hurt me... I—It wasn't... bad or anything, like he didn't do anything I didn't want to... I just... I—It hurt. Really bad. Like, I don't think I'd ever felt that kind of pain before."

"Did he, um... Go too hard? Do you think maybe that's why it hurt you?"

You let out the loudest breath of air, embarrassment and exasperation filling your lungs with every breath you take. "Yeah, that was part of it, but like... He was also kind of big, and it didn't feel good going in at all... And I know it's supposed to not feel great at first, and I thought it would get better, but... I—It just got worse, and worse, and I felt like I was getting torn apart from the inside out, I..."

Tears are steadily streaming down your face now, your throat incredibly tight and ears pounding as you try to find the strength to speak.

"I... I never want to do that again."

A box of tissues is dropped into your lap after you take the time to gather yourself a bit, and you mumble a small 'thank you' as you wipe your face. Doctor Reid is more than willing to let you take your time, and you couldn't be more thankful.

It's also great to know that it doesn't seem like he had been embarrassed for you or ready to laugh. In fact, his tone is still as smooth as ever, and incredibly warm as he speaks to you, aiming to help you work through this confidently and logically. It's an effort that comforts you more than you'd ever be able to express.

"Do you think that experience had an effect on the way you socialize somehow?"

"I... Maybe. Sure, I mean... I'm at that age where the people I hang out with all want to hook up, and if we're not trying to go home with someone, then we're not having a good time. It's... It's a lot of pressure, especially when I think about the fact that people like sex... I mean, like... That was awful, and people act like it's the end-all-be-all to enjoyment, I... I don't know..."

"Sure... You had a bad experience, and it's normal to retreat after experiencing that kind of pain... But it was only one time. You never know, maybe your partner just wasn't the right partner for you."

You shake your head intently. "No. No, that's not..."

There's a decent pause before Doctor Reid speaks again. "I want to ask you something... And this might be a bit personal, so I apologize if I push any boundaries..."

He waits for you to object, but you don't, silently giving him the go-ahead and wondering what else he could possibly ask you that hadn't already been beyond the boundaries of a deeply intimate and personal conversation.

"Have you ever masturbated before?"

Dear God, you suddenly feel like you have to throw up. "What?"

"Well, before you had sex... Did you ever... Explore what you like on your own?"

"Um... Y—Yeah, I guess so..."

"You guess so?"

You sigh, trying not to roll your eyes for fear of crying at any sudden movement. "Yes."

"Okay... In your exploration, did you ever try anything penetrative?"

"Do I actually have to answer that?"

"Of course you don't. If you're uncomfortable we can move on, but... I really do think this is going to help..."

You sigh again, then swallow hard as you look at his face once more, only to see him as he always has been— sincere and pensive and understanding. And then, as if that look is designed solely to pull information out of you, you can't help but continue.

"No... I've... only ever done clitoral stimulation."

"And what about after your first time? Have you masturbated since then?"

You pause, throat dry. The word comes out of you with resistance, its fear and indignity rising to the surface of your tongue like sandpaper. "No."

Then he pauses. And as you glance up at the clock to see your time is nearly up, you're pretty sure you know exactly what he's going to tell you, that sinking feeling returning to the pit of your stomach. Each breath feels like a stab to the chest.

Sure enough, he speaks and you close your eyes like shielding yourself from his words will prevent them from taking any meaning. You can hear the sympathy in them anyway, and you feel foolish for even attempting to hide.

"Before I see you next week, I suggest you try masturbating again. Maybe watch some pornography or read some erotica... Whatever you think will get you more comfortable with your body and your sexuality... And we'll see where you end up."

The whole situation is so ridiculous, you can't help but laugh, though there's not an ounce of humor lacing the sound. "Do you really think this is going to help me get over my... fear of sex, or whatever this is?"

He smiles softly at you, and despite the poor relationship you've been having with sex, it brings a low simmer to the pit of your stomach that scares more than excites you. "It's a good start."

It's a good start...

"It's a good start," you whispered when you got home that night, right before getting under the covers and letting your hand wander...

It worked, too.

You'd expected it to take way longer than a week to get back any sliver of libido. And it was definitely hard at first, but by the time your next session with Doctor Reid came around, you'd been masturbating regularly every day.

Though, it seems his instruction may have worked a little too well.

Once you were more comfortable with your own body again, you couldn't stop the images of his face as they danced in beautiful flashes behind your eyelids. Scenarios were acted out in your dreams, his presence melding with yours and replacing those you'd watched and read, and it created a new sense of anxiety once you realized that you'd have to see him again in a few days...

And now that you're here, only seconds away from the moment he'd walk through the door, your stomach twists and your heart leaps.

You almost think maybe running out the door is a good option, but then he's waltzing through it with that seasoned swiftness that only adds to his charm and intimidates you further.

"Good afternoon," he greets with a warm smile, taking the seat in front of you.

"Hi, Doctor."

"How was your week?"

You clear your throat, obviously not very good at hiding anything. "Fine."

"Just fine?"

"Yep."

He only waits for you to continue. You hate when he does that...

Because it works, getting you to talk every damn time. "Still not inclined to do anything out of my normal social routine, but I'm... better."

"How so?"

Feeling his gaze on you makes your heart lurch. "Um... I'm more... comfortable... with my body, I guess..."

"So you took my suggestion, then?"

You can only muster a nod, words dying in the back of your throat and evaporating into nothing. You're still not looking at him—not directly, anyway.

"You still seem... reserved."

"Well, I'm talking to my therapist about my masturbation habits..."

Thankfully he seems to understand, nodding with a small laugh that aims to lighten the mood and make you more comfortable around the whole situation. After all, it is only the start of your session this week, and a whole hour and a half of awkwardness wouldn't suffice.

Even still, what he says next doesn't ease your mind much at all.

"Do you mind elaborating a little?"

"I don't know how much more elaboration you need," you half-scoff, clearly defensive over your privacy— And with every right to be so, considering most of your thoughts had been about him.

"Well, let's start with how frequent you've been with it."

That you could do. "Um... about every day for the past week?" And right before I left the house...

"Good. How many times a day?"

"Once." Twice, sometimes three...

"Okay..." He writes things down, and then pauses before asking his next question. "Have you tried any new techniques?"

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean other than clitoral stimulation."

"No."

He must have sensed the unease in your punctuation, because he leans forward. "Let me be clear. My questions on the topic are thorough and perhaps a bit boundless, but I am not expecting you to be ready to have sex right away. You should always be allowed to go at your own pace, and I will always encourage you to do so, I hope you understand that."

"Right..." There's an awkward pause, but you want things to keep moving, so just to keep him talking, you clear your throat and continue, "So, um... What's the next step then?"

By the look in his eyes, you realize it had probably been the wrong question—and way—to ask. Even after just explaining that you could go at your own pace, the way you spoke to him could have easily been interpreted as a newfound confidence to push forward.

Currently, under his watchful gleaming eye, you find yourself feeling anything but confident. In the past week, unfortunately, that much hasn't changed. Especially after he tells you, "We're going to make sure you've actually been doing your homework. Come with me."

———

There's just something about you that Spencer can't seem to understand. It's something beautiful and alluring, and more than anything it's incredibly wrong. Because he surely shouldn't be taking you to a separate room in the building where they interview mental patients while others watch from behind one-way glass and take notes.

But here he is anyway, leading you into the room and trying desperately not to kiss or touch you in the meantime...

"W—What do you want me to do, exactly?" you ask in that timid way of yours. It's almost innocent, like you truly don't understand why he's brought you here rather than confirming your suspicions. And somehow that only makes him want you more.

"I would like for you to watch yourself masturbate in front of this mirror here." He opens the door and urges you inside as he follows. You survey the space as your hands fumble nervously, and he continues. "It's a form of exposure therapy. My hope is to get you not only to feel your pleasure, but to see it... The act of seeing yourself that way is a good effort to boost confidence and embrace sexuality. The room is soundproof, it's camera-free... Whatever you do in here will be completely private."

"I—Isn't this like... This... I..."

Spencer reaches out and touches your shoulder, and when you look at him like a lost puppy, he nearly caves. "I understand your reservations, and you are more than welcome to decline... But I really do think this will help you. You're completely safe here, it's important for you to know that."

He's speaking to you in that slow, collected way that always gets you to open up to him, and it proves itself useful once again when you finally nod and agree to do his assignment. He smiles tamely, though the images that grace his brain of what might transpire soon are anything but. The pit of his gut is a raging wildfire, and you, though deeply unaware just yet, are the fuel that feeds and flourishes it.

"What do I do when I'm done?" you ask.

He reaches into his pocket and gives you a pager. "You can page me with this. I'll be in my office, so by the time I get to you, you should have enough time to get yourself situated. Is that okay?"

"You're... Leaving me alone?"

The question almost knocks the wind out of him. To play it off though, he offers a small, breathy laugh. "Did you want me to watch?"

"That's not what I meant! I... I just mean... Anyone could..."

"Like I said, this room is completely safe and soundproof. I've booked it for your session today, so no one will be here to use it..." He thinks for a moment, suppressing a grin to the best of his ability when the words come tumbling out. "There is a room right next door if you'd prefer I stay closer though, just in case."

"Y—Yes, please..."

Spencer smiles and hands you the pager, trying not to linger too long when his knuckles brush the inside of your palm. "Okay. Page me when you're done, and I'll give you a few minutes to collect yourself. Okay?"

"Okay," you offer with a nod and a small smile. Your nerves have calmed, and maybe this helps Spencer feel better about what he's about to do, but regardless of his ulterior motives, he truly is glad you're making progress.

He leaves and shuts the door, locking it and making quick work of sliding into the small door next to it. After locking that one as well, he switches on the light and settles in, seeing that you've only just sat down on the small couch in the middle of the room.

You both lean back at about the same time, you into the couch cushions and Spencer in the spinning desk chair. It doesn't take but a single movement of your hand down to the button of your jeans to make him hard, and the sight has him even more determined to make you feel the same way about him that he does you.

It's set in stone the moment you slide the denim down your legs and spread them wide, right in front of him. He watches as you take a deep breath and rub yourself through your panties, little pieces of your hesitation crumbling away by the second, and he just knows he's going to fuck you properly.

When, he doesn't know. But it will happen, that much he's sure of.

In the meantime, he settles for fantasy. Spencer opens up his own pants and just loosens them enough to get his dick out, and all the while his eyes are trained solely on you.

He doesn't start moving his hand until you slide your panties down as well, fluttering your eyes closed the moment your finger makes contact with your bare clit. In that moment, Spencer is glad for the soundproofing, because if you'd actually heard the way he groaned out just then, he would have been doomed. He spits on his hand and starts to glide it softly over himself, matching the speed of your own as it languidly explores your body.

All he can think about is how beautiful you are... He should be thinking about how wrong this is, or how you probably don't feel the same attraction to him that he so obviously feels about you, and doing this is only making his crush worse...

But damn it, you're just so captivating, and he can't stop.

And he doesn't.

No, Spencer doesn't even give a second thought to sighing out your name and imagining you in front of him—closer than you are now—with your head tilted up and your pretty eyes batting up at him while he fucks your throat. He mindlessly whispers praises in between low whines as his speed and pressure increases, and he's so close to coming.

He can hold out, though. He can wait for you. He wants to wait for you. He wants to watch you come undone before he even thinks about getting there himself.

But of course, as they say, you don't always get what you want.

It's not like it's his fault, though. You're the one who's losing yourself in a fantasy, using his name on your lips as a plea to aid you in the most intimate form of pleasure...

"Doctor Reid," he can hear you whine as you squirm and bring yourself closer to bliss.

He can't help it, then. His name desperately falling off your tongue sets off the explosion that ripples through his insides. His hand falters, and he releases the most pathetic sound he's ever made right as he comes all over his hand. You're calling his name again, in broken chants getting higher and higher in pitch until you're incoherent, and he's just a sticky, flustered mess.

He sits there and watches you reach your climax, still gently stroking his cock with a lip between his teeth. Your eyes squeeze shut and your mouth hangs open, and your legs, while still wide, are wavering and tensing. His eyes travel down to your hand as it strokes and circles, and he wishes more than anything that it was his.

In fact, the thought gives him an idea for another session...

ACT II: Awakening

The amount of time you've spent the last month watching porn is extremely embarrassing. It's not even just to get off anymore, either, though the relief is nice. Still, the act itself doesn't embarrass you so much as where your mind goes when you do it. You're purposely watching videos where the men have slim builds and curly hair so you can squint and imagine who you really wish you were watching...

It's wrong and dangerous and probably illegal somehow, and still, it's a better place than you were in months ago... So you can't really complain, can you?

Yes, really, you can; You still have to see your therapist while regularly having sexual fantasies about him. Which would be fine if you didn't have to talk to him about your sexual habits every session...

You almost think about cancelling today, but despite the overwhelming amount of time spent thinking about sex and how much you actually want it, you figure that means this therapy is helping. Yourself a month ago would be absolutely petrified at the idea of watching some girl get railed on screen repeatedly, vivid flashbacks of your first and final experience of sex surely to barge in and render the porn and its purpose useless.

So, despite the potential awkwardness, you end up in his office right on time.

Doctor Reid is already there, standing next to a small fold-out bed in the middle of the room with the rest of the furniture moved out of the way. It almost looks like a completely different place.

"Oh, am... Did I get the wrong time?"

He calls your name brightly, turning to see you. "You're right on time, actually. Come on in. I want to talk about your next step... I assume you've been keeping up with your homework?"

You swear then that you must still be in your bedroom, watching porn on a loop, weary and orgasmed out, because you can instantly feel the setup here; It wouldn't be hard to put the pieces together. The cliche nature of it all makes you think you might just be blurring reality and fantasy, your legs weak as you make your way over to him.

"Yes, I have..." you confirm cautiously, though the back of your mind is already battling over whether or not to be excited or scared, or both, at the prospect of this 'next step'. Is it something you're really willing to do? Is it in the realm of comfortable possibility?

Doctor Reid smiles at you, and, Yes, you think finally, it is.

"Well, you've done really well lately, and I'm proud of you for taking this journey in rediscovering your sexuality. It isn't an easy feat after going through what you did, and your progress is something you should be very proud of."

Admittedly, the praise is nice. It's comforting. Genuine. You really have progressed in embracing your sexual desires, though the thought of trusting someone enough to respect your boundaries and understand your reservations to the act itself is nearly sickening.

Unless, of course, that person is your therapist. Then it's not so hard to imagine.

Your body warms at the implications, and suddenly you're nervous all over again, your eyes trying not to eye the bed in the middle of the room. Through a deep breath, you tell him, "Thank you. What's on the agenda today?"

The small laugh that escapes him has you weak in the knees again. "Eager, are we?"

Oh, there's no way he's not flirting...

Right?

You shrug and offer a smile. "You did renovate your office rather... drastically... Excuse a girl for being curious, Doctor."

"Touché," he replies. His syllables are slow and smooth, and when his eyes bare into yours, reality and fantasy have moved past the point of blurring— they've full-on collided, creating this new atmosphere of thick, palpable debauchery that promises to alter the course of your life forever.

You want to jump his bones now, before something changes your mind, but you can't move. The possibility of misreading the situation is far too humiliating to make any sudden movements or declarations of desire.

"Please, sit," Doctor Reid invites, and you calm a little. Your limbs are still on fire with each muscle that moves, until you're seated on the bed, looking up at him and trying not to give yourself away.

Just in case.

If he can tell what's going on in your brain, he doesn't let on. Still, there's something that lives in his gaze, something knowing and all-consuming that calms your nerves like a weighted blanket as his voice plunges you further into this fantastical reality you've created together.

"Like I said, it seems that you've been succeeding at rediscovering and maintaining a healthy sexual appetite. How does that make you feel?"

"Um... Really good, actually. I think I've come a long way, and it's all because of you."

It hadn't been intentional to phrase it that way, but as soon as the words leave your mouth and his lips quirk into a gentle smirk, you avert your gaze, clutching the edge of the bed. "I mean, your suggestions and your kindness have been extremely helpful..."

"That's what I'm here for," he says, amusement lacing his tone, but disappearing quickly as he continues. "Now, I know it's only been just over a month, and it's still absolutely imperative that you do this at your own pace. So if you find yourself feeling like you're not ready to move forward when I ask you this, you are not obligated to agree. Is that understood?"

Your heart is beating wildly within the confines of your chest, daring to and desperate for escape. "Yes, Doctor."

His tongue darts out over his bottom lip as the honorific trickles sweetly off of yours, and then he clears his throat, taking a step closer to you. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." There isn't a single ounce of hesitation in the meaning of the word or the speed at which it leaves your mouth. It's not even a second thought.

"My hope for today's session is to get you to a place where you're comfortable with trying different techniques. And if you don't mind, I'd like to assist—to show you some new pleasure points and help you discover what you like. Is that something you're willing to do?"

You nod slowly, words feeling impossible, which brings a small smile to his face.

"Okay, a few rules. This is a very vulnerable thing. So you need to use your words. I'm not comfortable moving forward unless you explicitly say so, so I ask you again; Do you give me permission to help you experiment?"

"Yes."

Firm. Some might even say confident. The word rings sharply in the air for a few moments before Doctor Reid nods and responds quietly, "Good."

He walks over to you, slowly until his knees are barely touching yours. You feel yourself becoming a living current of electricity at the sheer closeness of him, never mind that he hasn't even touched you. You can only imagine what it will feel like when he does, the thought making you fight the urge to clamp your thighs together.

"Do I have your permission to touch you?"

Touch me how? you want to ask, but you realize it wouldn't matter; You'd let him touch you in any way he pleased. So instead, you tell him, "Please."

His eyes rake slowly over your figure then, possibly considering his next move, but then he simply nudges your knee with his leg, the most brief form of touch but still electrifying all the same. "Will you hold your right leg out for me?"

Not quite what you would have expected, but you do as he says, extending your leg as he rests his palm under your ankle.

"Are you familiar with erogenous zones?"

Your heart leaps. "Yes. I know the concept."

He considers this before slightly swiping his thumb along the side of your ankle. "Are you familiar with your erogenous zones?"

"I can't say I've ever thought about it, so... Probably not, no."

"Hmmm."

Honestly, you figure it wouldn't even matter where he touched you; The fact that he's taken an interest in your sexual desires and putting them to the test with an attentive, hands-on approach is more than enough to get you hot and bothered. The sheer presence of him alone makes your whole body pulse with writhing need.

Still, you let him explore, trying not to prove impatient. It's incredibly difficult when the denim of your jeans slowly becomes nothing more than a claustrophobic obstacle to his attention. Everywhere his fingers brush, heat radiates, but you know it could be stronger. You try your hardest to focus on his questions and less on the signals your body is sending you, violently and utterly whorish. You'd never been this way before, not even by yourself, and you're becoming less and less patient by the minute

Doctor Reid seems to notice this as his knuckles brush the inside of your palm, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Are you relaxed?" he asks quietly, keeping his head low but lifting his eyes to meet yours. Something about the sight stirs in your stomach.

"Yes."

"You don't sound very convinced."

You can't help but succumb to the bout of nervous laughter that's been dancing in its cage in the back of your throat the whole session. His fingers halt their gentle discovery of your body but remain rested in your palm, every nerve ending threatening to explode. "Well, I don't know if relaxed is really the right word, but... I'm... Good."

He hums pensively, pausing to tilt his head. "You've been responding rather enthusiastically to just about every touch..." If he's amused by this, you can't tell, but the words feel like a prideful observation regardless. "I suppose that means we can move this along..."

When his eyes meet yours again, you nearly whimper.

"May I kiss you?" he asks.

His knuckles start moving slowly against your palm, and your entire arm lights up with excitement at the contact, as does your heart. Suddenly the room feels cold yet hot at the same time, a deep chill crashing through your body like a tidal wave. Your nipples are painfully hard against the fabric of your bra, and you feel it in your bones.

You've never been so turned on in your life.

You nod, then stop yourself, remembering his rules. The word sounds utterly wanton as it gently squeaks past your lips, but it's the best you can do to give him permission short of reaching up and pulling him down to kiss him yourself.

"Please..."

He surprises you again by stepping forward and lifting your arm to his mouth. Sticky honey eyes trap you in their gaze as his lips replace his knuckles on the inside of your palm, soft and warm in every aspect. He takes his time, grazing his nose along your fingers and then your wrist as he drops the gentle pressure of a kiss along every centimeter of skin he explores. It's thorough and attentive and gentle, and you're mesmerized.

Eventually he's kissed his way up your whole arm, and it feels like you've been in this bed for hours, something slowly awakening inside you at his every touch. The excitement bubbling in your bloodstream starts to boil over when he reaches your collarbone, using his hand to slip under the strap of your tank top so he can kiss you there.

Responding to his touch has become second nature at this point, so your head leans away and gives him room to start kissing your neck, to which he does happily.

Where Doctor Reid's kisses had been kind and curious in their pursuit, they've now grown indulgent. His lips part, lavishing the skin at the side of your neck with a warm, wet caress that makes your toes curl and your fists clench. His hand comes up to drag the pad of his middle finger down your throat as his tongue darts out and laps at your skin, and you moan.

Your hips grind and your thighs clench, a disastrous wave of heat flooding through you, and he sucks gently on your skin for a second before sighing.

"There it is..."

You pout when he pulls away, but he strokes your hairline and doesn't go far. "How are you feeling?"

"Really good," you breathe through a nervous smile.

"Are you turned on?"

Obviously, you want to exclaim, but given his thorough and affirmative nature, it makes sense. You also force yourself to remember that he's your therapist and not a guy you've taken home for the night. He's a professional, despite how unprofessional in nature this particular situation is on paper; He's not going to move the process along based on an assumption, no matter how obvious your reactions might be.

"Very," you tell him confidently, a proud gleam in your eye as you look up at him. The twitch of his grin does more than excite you— it urges you. "You turn me on, Doctor Reid..."

"Is that so?"

"Mhmmm."

He leans and his breath is hot in your ear. His voice comes in low and seductive. Curious. Careful.

"Then I'd like you to show me. Will you touch yourself for me, love?"

The pet name makes you clench around nothing, and you whimper at the way it stings. At this point it's physically painful to keep lying there at his mercy without any sort of stimulation, so despite how embarrassing and desperate it might be, your hand is slipping under the band of your sweatpants with ease as you sigh out. "I'll do anything..."

The back of his knuckles tease your neck as you slowly circle your clit with your middle finger, and you don't have to do much wandering to gather your wetness either. Everything is warm and wet and ready for release, which doesn't go unnoticed by Doctor Reid.

"I can hear how wet you are," he muses brightly, his throat caught in a groan as his lips hover over your neck. "That's good."

"Uh-huh?" you whine out, his praises bringing you closer to nirvana.

"That's really good... Are you close already, baby?"

You can't help but moan at the name, a white-hot pool of pleasure filling up in your gut as his lips attach to your pulse-point. "Yes, Doctor..."

"Mmm," he hums into your skin, continuing to kiss you. His hand strokes your forehead as your own makes quick work of your clit. It won't be but a matter of seconds before you're coming undone. "How long can you go between orgasms? Do you know?"

"I... usually wait... ten minutes at least..."

Doctor Reid licks softly at your neck before he asks, "Have you used a vibrator or a toy?"

You laugh involuntarily, clenching your legs as your orgasm approaches and wishing you had your vibrator right now. You bought it after your third session. "A vibrator. A cheap one... But it works."

"Nothing wrong with that," he mumbles amusedly into your skin, trailing his kisses up to your jaw. It takes everything you have not to turn your head and take his lips with your own, just to taste his warmth as you come undone—to whimper and whine into his mouth with every wave of pleasure that crashes through you, and—

God, that's exactly what's happening...

Your body shudders blissfully as Spencer kisses you, and the moment doesn't even feel real. His mouth is gentle but coaxing, helping you through your orgasm with a sense of accomplishment, like his kisses are a reward. At least, it certainly feels that way. It doesn't help that when you finally come down, slowing your breathing and removing your hand from your pants, he rests his forehead to yours with a final gentle peck on the mouth and an affirming, "Very good, sweetheart."

You can't help but feel like he takes note of the way you flutter your eyes closed at the nickname; there's a pause in his movements before he returns to them, lightly trailing his knuckles over your neck until his touch disappears completely.

Even though you just came moments before, his next sentence nearly gives you a second wind, your eyes snapping open and your cunt throbbing with want.

"Has anyone ever eaten you out before?"

"No," you tell him truthfully, and he studies you with a look in his eyes that tells you he isn't surprised to hear the unfortunate news. Embarrassed suddenly at his pity, you try to shrug it off. "Men seem to be pretty notorious for being bad at it though, so I didn't hold it against him... My ex, I mean..." You huff a nervous laugh, seeing Doctor Reid stare at you blankly. "I figured it would save us both the trouble."

"There's nothing troubling about it," he mumbles, more to himself. But then he straightens and inhales, back to business as his gaze cements into yours once again. "Would you be willing to let me do it?"

Even more embarrassing than the fact that it hasn't been done before is the speed at which you respond, "Yes." The word is sharp and desperate, loud and true, and you swear you see Spencer's eyes glow. "Please..."

It's hard to tell what he's thinking exactly—ever the professional he is—but aside from lack of a smile or any other indicator of eagerness, his eyes give his emotions away on a grander scale. They're practically fucking you already as he saunters around the bed, their intensity settling deep in the pit of your stomach. Suddenly you're convinced you could come just by his stare alone.

"May I?" he questions, gently tugging at the ankle of your leggings.

"Yes."

"Lift your hips for me, sweetheart."

After a sentence like that, you aren't sure how you have the strength to do it, but you manage, hot flashes coursing through your entire body as his nimble fingers grip the waistband of your leggings and slide them over your hips, then your thighs. His skin is hot against yours, even with as little contact as there is; a simple brush of the knuckle over your knee might as well be a branding iron, claiming you as his own.

He doesn't even have to instruct you, your legs falling wide open once they're free from their fabric confines.

At this point you aren't even embarrassed anymore. You might even be proud of it— how badly you want him to touch you and taste you and show you just how good another person could make you feel. In an odd way it makes you feel important. Cared for.

Your cunt throbs at the intensity of all these emotions and feelings.

It doesn't help when Doctor Reid settles between your legs, making himself comfortable and looking up at you through his eyelashes. The sight is just as overwhelming as everything else.

"You're absolutely sure you want this?" he inquires softly, almost like a plea.

Your vocal cords feel like they're made of rope, the words climbing out of you with burning calluses and a determination to see it through to the end. You've never wanted anything so badly, and you tell him precisely that.

The confirmation seems to please him, a beautiful lilted sigh escaping him as his nose comes in contact with your underwear. It rests just above your clit, his breath hot against you.

His hands come up from under you then, gripping your thighs to keep you steady as he presses an open-mouthed kiss to your clothed cunt. The gentle pressure makes you moan and squirm, his fingers gripping your thighs even tighter, and you sigh his name.

He keeps going, taking his sweet time to explore what areas get reactions from you, though he's quick to learn that every touch, every kiss, every gentle probe of the tongue... all of it is slowly undoing you to the point of madness.

With a hooked finger pulling your panties aside, Doctor Reid sighs into your thigh.

"Are you ready for it, pretty girl?"

All you can manage is the most whiny, whorish "Uh-huh," to the air. It echoes brightly and rings in your ears long after the moment, time seeming to stop right as his tongue comes in contact with your dripping heat.

The sensation is hot and sharp, and never ending. After what seems like forever, the tip of his tongue finally comes up and swiftly flicks your clit before he repeats the entire motion, like a wave crashing over the shore, and that's when your body finally releases all its tension.

You hadn't even realized you were so tense. Your fingers release their grip on the thin sheet beneath you and your chest sighs of relief, and that's when you feel yourself finally start to breathe. Head spinning, the sensations happening below you are coming into sharp clarity.

Spencer's tongue is relentless, leaving no crevice untouched by pleasureful curiosity. But you barely even have time to wonder if he might be enjoying himself more than you are, because all thought at all completely disappears the very moment his lips gather around your clit, sucking softly as he groans.

"Ohhhh my god..."

You're unable to keep your hips from grinding into his mouth. Still, he persists, cycling between sucking and licking and kissing, and it takes everything you have not to reach down and thread your fingers through his hair.

"You taste so fucking good," he sighs, coming up for air for a second. Then he kisses you again and repeats himself. "You're so good..."

This time you do reach down for his head, brushing the stray strands away from his forehead as he looks up at you. He pauses his ministrations, and his tongue's absence is sorely missed in feeling but a pleasure to the eyes as he runs it over his bottom lip in a slow, almost predatory nature.

"I'm going to slowly add a finger, is that okay?"

The thought admittedly panics you, flashbacks of pain and disappointment and embarrassment barging in and nearly ruining the moment. But Spencer can tell, his head tilting into your thigh again until it makes contact. His hair tickles and sends a shiver over your limb as he uses his hands to rub gentle, reassuring circles into your skin.

"We don't have to. I can keep doing it just like this if you prefer. Whatever you want, sweetheart."

The words shoot straight to your core, which sparks the realization that your previous encounter with sex was nothing like this at all. Not only in situation, obviously, but in feeling as well. You were excited to do it the first time, sure, but the build-up was pretty much non-existent. And now here you've been, pining away at this man for weeks, reawakening your libido and engaging in the longest game of foreplay known to man.

You have this very moment to show for it, your entire body humming with want and your worries slowly melting away under Doctor Reid's careful yet eager exploration.

Where there had once been an absence of communication and genuine care, now rests a bright and blossoming excess of it, in every touch and every pull of his eyes. It burns through you like a shot of whiskey, growing in sizzling warmth as it reaches every limb.

It's this new, odd and exciting comfort that urges you to tell him, "It's okay. You can do it."

You expect him to sigh in relief, grateful for your permission, but if he feels it he doesn't show it. Gentle hands continue caressing the underside of your thighs and he looks up at you. "You're sure?"

"Yes. I want it. I want your fingers inside of me, please."

Between the desperate emphasis in your nodding and the way your eyes are practically begging him, you've sealed your fate, a soft gasp reaching your throat when his middle finger slides through your opening and sends a rush of excitement over every plane of your body.

He doesn't enter you, but simply glides, up and down, like he's trying to soothe you.

"Tell me if it's too much, okay?"

"O-kay..."

Your breath shakes on the last syllable, his fingertip slowly disappearing inside you. He takes his sweet time, one knuckle, then two, and then he's fully inside you, and it's not nearly as painful as the last time somebody had been there.

"Fuck, you're so warm..." His eyes search yours for a moment before he sighs and lowers his head. "So beautiful..." And then his mouth is on you again, his compliment muffled by the essence of your pleasure, and your head is thrown back in an instant.

As his finger kindly allows you to adjust to its residence, experimentally moving in and out, his tongue continues to lap at your clit, and both sensations together are a bit odd but not unwelcome. You're slowly getting used to the fullness, yet something in you aches for more...

Maybe it's in your sighs, or the way your hands claw at the sheets, or perhaps he simply just knows you that well, but either way, Spencer knows.

He adds another finger, slowly and without an ounce of resistance from your body, and when you sigh out this time, it's of relief. You smile through it, allowing yourself to revel in the feeling of something new and erotic and exciting. Every whimper that falls from your lips is prideful and maybe even a bit exaggerated, but it's entirely worth it if only for the encouragement it seems to give Doctor Reid to keep going.

After a while of letting you get used to the feeling, he pulls back and twists his palm up before he enters you again, slowly as he says, "You're taking them so well... I'm proud of you, love..."

His fingers are in as far as they can go, and then they curve up just right, and you gasp.

"That feel good?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Yeah?" he coos proudly, starting a rhythm with his fingers that has you crying out in unbelievable pleasure. You're quickly reaching a peak again, every sensation from the fullness of his fingers and the way they twist and curl inside you to the sounds he makes as he kisses and sucks at your clit sending you into overdrive.

Dizziness starts to swarm you and your body can't handle it. Rather than fight this tight, new feeling brewing at each stroke of his fingers, you embrace it with deep breaths and cries out into the air, and then it snaps inside you.

Doctor Reid manages to keep your legs open as he works you through it, though you're not sure how you haven't crushed him yet. Everything feels tight and sharp and blindingly good—it feels like something that would take an army to keep from closing in.

Still, he does it, holding you open and groaning his way through your orgasm. Your hands instinctively reach out to keep him there, clutching at his hair and holding on for dear life while you tremble and clench around him.

Galaxies dance vividly behind your eyelids for what feels like eons as the pleasure bursts through you like a display of shooting stars, until eventually it subsides and your body feels extremely tired.

"Mmm, see? No trouble at all." He removes his fingers and continues to lazily make out with your cunt through small aftershocks of overstimulation, and then he's gone.

He gives you a few moments to collect yourself before he asks, "How do you feel?"

"Tired," you sigh with a smile, relaxing back with your eyes closed. You feel like you could take a nap. "But good. Very good."

His momentary silence intrigues you, so you flutter your eyes open and see that the heat in them hasn't subsided. In fact, it burns through him brightly as he prowls up the bed and climbs over your body until you're face-to-face. Something hard and hot and familiar rests firmly against your thigh and you choke on a whimper.

"Have you ever tasted yourself before?" he inquires, his voice barely above a whisper.

You swallow and prepare yourself. "No."

"Would you like to?"

And then without a second thought, your hands bring his face down to yours, and you embrace the subtle tang of your pleasure on his lips. He groans into your mouth, low and warm as his hips rut into your thigh.

The action sends you into overdrive, and suddenly you want to ask if you can return the favor, but Doctor Reid seems to have other ideas.

A finger delicately makes its way past your lips, seamlessly replacing his tongue, and you open your eyes again, nearly falling apart at the sight of him. The man is wild, eyes desperate for release as you suck on his finger, and then he adds another.

You clean him of your essence, sensual and enthusiastic in your maneuvers in a newfound confidence that wouldn't even exist now if not for him. So you treat this act as a reward to him, an act of gratitude, regardless of whether or not this session is technically all about discovering your likes and dislikes. If anything, you've learned that you like pleasing him. And so—if the constant friction between his bulge and your thigh is any indication—you'd have to say that his goal for today's session has been achieved tenfold.

"God, you're perfect," he huffs as his movements stutter and his hips still. You moan around his fingers, gliding your tongue in the space between them, and when he finally comes, he's choking out your name.

His weight gradually comes down on top of you, his fingers sliding out of your mouth and resting on your chest as he finds his composure. And then he's kissing your neck and your jaw, and each hot caress of his mouth at your pulse point feels like a reward of its own, an intimate form of affection made specifically for you.

Your name sighing past his lips and into your skin is proof enough of that; the lust is still there, sure, but it's laced with something else. Something softer.

As the breathing between the two of you slows, you comb through his hair with your fingers and sigh. An odd, pleasant feeling swirls around in your gut.

"Thank you, Doctor Reid."

"Mmm, you're very welcome," he murmurs into your skin, still nestled into the crook of your neck.

"For everything," you clarify. "A month ago, doing something like that would have felt impossible to even imagine, but... You make me feel safe, and cared for. And more importantly, you don't make me feel like I should be ashamed. Like there isn't actually something wrong with me. I don't know how to thank you enough for that."

When he pulls away, you almost think you might have scared him off, but the look in his eyes is anything but fearful. In fact, they practically shine like a glimmering lively lake as they search your own.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're beautiful, and bright, and curious... And as long as you remember that, and you hold onto it, you will be just fine—no matter where you go, or... who you go to."

You shake your head, that feeling in your gut growing exponentially and the words flying out before you can stop them. "I don't want to go to anyone else. I only want you."

The look in his eyes deepens, almost a little melancholic in their intensity, close enough to that fear you were worried about earlier to make your heart beat faster.

"You don't mean that," he says, and you want to cry. Hell, you might, if that feeling in your stomach is speaking for something.

"Like hell I don't," you counter, cradling his head in your hands. "You're the first person I've actually wanted to be around in so long, and... Maybe it's twisted, maybe it's not right, but if there is anyone that I need, it's you. I won't even be your patient anymore if that makes up for it, I just want to see you. I trust you. More than I would trust any stranger."

When your name exits his lips, this time it's a gentle warning. Authoritative. But still sweet. Maybe even a little disappointed. "The purpose of these more... interactive sessions was to get you comfortable with trusting people with your body as much as you do... Seeing me and no one else would, in the end, defeat that purpose."

All feeling in your bloodstream curdles and starts to wither away with rejection. Embarrassment fizzles behind your eyelids as you close them, forming into tears that you try and will away until you're out of his sight. "You don't... actually want me..."

He tenses at your exclamation, and sighs. "That is absolutely not what I said. Look at me."

"Then... what?"

Spencer remains professional, but there's something hiding behind his eyes that longs to get out, you can see that. You can feel it too, as prominently as you feel your heart beating in your chest.

"As your therapist, it is in both of our best interests that I recommend you to try a night out. You don't have to sleep with anyone or do anything you're uncomfortable with, obviously, but... Based on what we've accomplished today, it is my professional opinion that you're ready for the next step."

So you're kicking me out, you cry dramatically in your head, even though you know it isn't true. Still, there's something inside you that doesn't want to let go— that can't. This connection you have with him is something strong and beautiful, something valuable. Something profound. You're not going down without a fight, until he is kicking you out of his office.

Your fingers glide down the side of his face and your eyes sharpen, studying his face with lustful reverence.

"And what are your thoughts as a man... and not my therapist?"

While you'd intended it more as a plea, your words seem to challenge him. Gone is the liberal professionalism, replaced with a familiar sly desire that ignites your heart and fills you with hope.

"As a man... it's impossible even trying to deny you..."

The words excite and warm you all over. You hum, nudging your nose to his and thinking aloud. "Mmm. After my hour is up and the day is long over... Maybe I should wander back to the parking lot and let a man take me home... As my therapist, d'you think that would count as a night out?"

You're relentlessly teasing him now, but he seems alright with it, laughing dryly above you as his hands clutch your shirt and his hips shift firmly into your thigh again. "Haven't you gotten bold," he muses lowly, his mouth inching closer to yours.

"What can I say... You're very good at your job, Doctor."

"Mmm, you make it easy, love."

His lips are on yours soon after that, and with each tick of the clock your kisses grow hungrier.

Nothing escalates, but for the next fifteen-or-so minutes, your body remains buzzing with the ever-present energy of him, the knowledge that his presence has altered the course of your life forever, and the hope that the feeling is mutual.

Though, if the way he holds you and kisses you means anything, there is nothing to worry about in the slightest.

You leave his office that day feeling lighter, and while you're a far cry from where you were when you started seeing Doctor Reid, you're certain that by tomorrow you'll be a completely different woman.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid smut #criminal minds fanfiction #mercy after hours #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader fanfic #spencer reid x you

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3hks · 2 months ago

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How to Write a GREEN FLAG Love Interest

As the romance genre grows more and more in popularity, it's hard to not notice the abundance of red flag love interests. And while yes, that makes it fun and interesting, it's still toxic at the end of the day.

So how do you write a love interest that's a green flag, then?

1. Imperfection

Your love interest is not going to start off as the perfect girlfriend or boyfriend. We want them to be the ideal partner, of course, but that doesn't mean they're born without any flaws.

They might have some bad habits, regrets, hesitation, secrets, and boundaries, but they're considered "green flags" because they can overcome those imperfections to contribute positively to their relationship.

2. Communication

Communication is one of the most crucial points in a trusting relationship. Your characters have to be able to talk honestly with one another.

Now, I get it if your character has trust issues or some kind of obstacle that makes it difficult for them to open up, but they should at least be willing to communicate.

3. Patience and Supportiveness

This shouldn't be a huge revelation; any good partner should have patience and support their loved one. These two traits are also key to having a healthy and open relationship.

Patience and communication are also important to highlight when the characters fight. Yes, they might get whisked away in the moment and spew words they don't agree with, but the aftermath should be a healthy resolution in which both parties speak honestly and listen patiently.

Additionally, remember that everyone has boundaries. They have topics they don't wish to talk about or moments they'd rather forget. An ideal relationship would include partners that know each other's vulnerabilities and difficult past events, but it takes work to get there.

The best thing to start with is patience. Your love interest should not force their significant other to talk about sensitive subjects that they don't want to talk about. That's simply being inconsiderate and pushy.

4. Teamwork

A couple is a team. They might not always agree on the same method or ideal, but they should listen to each other and be willing to compromise if necessary.

They need to tackle problems together.

5. Trust

This is a no-brainer. Your characters should trust one another, because what's the point in a relationship where they're constantly skeptical of their partner? Show their faith in each other.

6. Overprotectiveness/Overposessiveness

AVOID EXTREME OVERPROTECTIVENESS.

I know being overprotective is quite romanticized these days, but it's an objectively toxic trait. Being overprotective is controlling--your character is controlling whom their partner can or can't interact with--and it shows a lack of faith in their significant other. It can feel exhausting to the receiver.

7. Love Bombing

Here's another thing to avoid, whether you do it on purpose or not: love bombing.

For those who don't know, love bombing is a manipulation tactic in which one showers their partner with gifts, sweet words, and kind actions for a short period to make their partner attached before the former reverts to their normal self, in which there isn't all of this generosity and pampering.

Yes, being a good partner can mean spoiling your lover and treating them well, but if you cannot keep such actions up for the duration of their relationship, then it's basically love bombing. It's dishonest--it's not genuine.

8. Growth and Effort

Realistically, your character will have some detrimental traits that could harm the relationship. That's reality. A green flag doesn't necessarily need to have all of the characteristics I listed above, but they should be striving to achieve them all.

The greenest flag of them all is putting in actual effort into the relationship and themselves to improve what they have.

Perhaps they're bad at communication but try their best to open up. Maybe they have a bad temper but are working on reining it in and staying calm. That's growth. That's effort. That's respectable.

~~~

For anyone who needed to see this, I hope this has helped!

Happy writing~

3hks <3

#writeblr #writing #writerscommunity #creative writing #writing inspo #writing advice #writing tips #writers on tumblr #writing a green flag #writing a green flag character #how to write a green flag character #how to write a love interest #how to write a healthy relaitonship #writing a healthy relationship #how to write a green flag love interest

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safety-pin-punk · 3 days ago

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I genuinely don’t remember the last time I wrote one of my longer, history of punk posts. To be honest, I haven’t had the motivation or energy over the last year or so. But I’m back, at least for now, and we are going to tackle a topic that is not necessarily a fun one, but an extremely important one. A chapter in punk history that is as relevant today as it was when it was written. Fair warning, this one is LONG.

Punk 101: Nazi Punks Fuck Off

Todays topics include: the history of nazis and fascism in punk scenes, the phrase ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’, the evolution of punk neo-nazis, and the branches of the skinhead subculture.

The History of Nazis and Fascism in Punk Scenes

Punk music and politics have a long and convoluted history with one another, but it's no secret that in the early days of punk, fascists were all around. Punk music really took off and made a name for itself in the 1970s, and the 60s were full of proto-punk sounds with the garage rock genre. I know, right now you’re thinking “What do the 60s and 70s music genres have to do with Fascists?”. Well. Everything.

1960 was only 15 years after the end of World War II. And 1970 was only 25 years after it. I’m sure for those of you reading this, that's within your lifetime. Now imagine someone in the year 2000, and that person is a super racist piece of shit. Do you really think that 15 or 25 years is going to make a difference in their world view? Probably not, especially in a world that had less technology and access to information than we do now.

So now we know where our 60’s and 70’s nazis come from. That's great and all, but why were they so interested in punk? Or rather, why was punk so interested in them?

Without getting into the depths too much here, the punk culture was built on anti-conformity. Anti-normalcy if you will. Societal norms went out the windows. The original punks were here for the shock value. And what's more shocking than outwardly proclaiming your love for fascism after World War II? Not much, that's for sure.

Examples of this include: Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols often being seen wearing a t-shirt with a swastika, and Siouxsie Sioux of Siouxsie and the Banshees sometimes wearing a Swastika armband. Few examples of many.

And when you want to be one of the cool kids, it's really easy to join the bandwagon of “If you don't look and act like us, you can’t be a part of us.” Of course, we sit here and go “That sounds antithetical to the part of punk where we don’t let anyone tell us what to do??” But I raise you. We certainly still have a gate keeping problem in this community, especially online.

The Phrase ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’

Well we all know the phrase. We’ve seen it everywhere. But ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’ has a history. It didn’t just appear out of thin air one day. It was the title of a song by the Dead Kennedys. Later released as part of an album, it came with an armband that had a crossed out swastika, a symbol that has since become a part of the anti-racist punk movement. Though it’s come with criticism of its own. That's a topic for another day though.

Jello Biafra (lead singer and song writer) has stated that the song was about violence at punk shows, summarizing it as “You violent people at shows are acting like a bunch of Nazis”. But of course, this became the leading phrase in the fight against the white power punks.

This resulted in a gradual decline of the Nazi culture within the punk movement. Nazi bands struggled to get gigs that weren’t organized by the far right. They got kicked out of shows when they got violent. And often were simply ignored. Other punks wanted no part of them. With the influence of ska and reggae, a lot of times white punks and black reggae bands would share a stage. Of course, far left groups formed during this time as well, but we’ll talk about that in the last section.

The Evolution of Punk Neo-Nazis

No one knows the exact number of neo-nazi bands currently in existence. But it's a definite that Wikipedia’s list of them is far from complete. As recent as the last decade Spotify had gone and removed white supremacist music from the platform (report it if you see it), Micetrap Distribution (a store known for selling white supremacist music) shut down, and a lawyer from Minneapolis lost his job after his hobby of operating a neo-nazi music label came to light.

My point is, everyone wants to talk about the evolution of neo-nazis in punk. As if the Nazis ever really fully went away. They didn’t! They got quiet, they kept to themselves. But they never fully left.

So why have they stopped being quiet then? Is that the real question? Why are they so brave now? Well, I think we easily find the answer to that question by looking at our society. Unfortunately, the internet and punk culture are both very USA-centric nowadays. And when you exist in a place that elected a wanna be dictator as their representative. Well. The nazis start coming out of their hiding places. Including the punk ones. They see less consequences from society.

So what do we do about them? How do we fight the rise of Neo-Nazis? My answer would be to do the same thing that the punks of the old days did. Refuse to platform them, work against them, ignore them, and when they start getting loud? Well, it's never a moral crime to punch a nazi.

Make them think about their actions. Not in the “we can fix them” way. But in the “will I get hurt if I open my mouth about my opinions” way. Make them scared to be loud again. Make them realize they aren’t welcomed. GIVE THEM SOCIAL CONSEQUENCES. Remember, no stance is the same as a supporting stance. Stand against them or don’t bother standing at all.

Types of Skinheads and Why They are Associated with Nazis

Okay, okay. Yes I will talk about skinheads now. I suppose you can’t write anything pertaining to nazism in punk without touching on the topic. However, I want to start this with two statements:

Not every bald punk is a skinhead.

Not every skinhead is a nazi and not every nazi is a skinhead

Okay, so what the hell is a skinhead? Skins were a subculture started in the UK in the 60s. They were working class youth, often had shaved heads, and wore working class boots like Dr Martens. (Yes folks, the skins were a MAJOR influence in punk fashion).

Early skinheads were non-political, but as the 70s progressed, the group saw a lot of racially motivated violence and far right groups saw a rise in white power skinheads in their ranks. Essentially, the early nazi punks found a home in the skinhead culture for one reason or another. By the late 1970s, the terms skinhead, racism, and nazism were virtually inseparable.

To note, through this time, not every skinhead turned towards nazism. Two notable groups that spoke against it were the Glasgow Spy Kids and the publishers of a zine called Hard As Nails.

By the 1980s, a number of left leaning skinhead groups started to rise up as well. Redskins (Marxist and Anarchist view) and other anarchist skinheads were associated with the RASH organization. During this time was also when the phrase “all cops are bastards” was popularized by leftist skins. Other groups with a significant number of leftist skinheads were Red Action, Anti-Fascist Action, and most notably, the SHARPs.

SHARPs stands for Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice. They opposed white power skinheads, neo-fascism, and claim to have re-claimed the the original identity of the skinhead movement. And while they have no political affiliation beyond an opposition to racism, they have given a name to fascist skinheads (which I find rather funny), ‘boneheads’.

So while there are certainly left leaning skins, even nowadays, the white supremacists are still out there. Still in punk culture. And still grab hold of the skinhead legacy. So is every skin a nazi? No, of course not. But are skins still heavily associated with the nazism that plagued their group decades ago? Absolutely they are.

This is the end of my essay. A history lesson that every new, young, or uneducated punk should read before the history is lost.

#punk 101 #add to masterlist #punk history

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glowettee · 6 months ago

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the secret to taking notes that make you want to study ✧˖°

hey lovelies! mindy heree <3

for this post i'm superrr excited to share a guide on taking notes that make you want to study ✧˖° trust me, i know how overwhelming it can get when it feels like you're stuck in the middle of endless textbooks and dry lecture slides (honestly, we all have those days). so, let's transform your note taking into something delightful, empowering, and totally reflective of your unique self.

✧ finding your vibe first things first, bestie: the key here is to make your notes feel personal and inspiring. rather than sticking to a rigid system, i suggest mixing a little structure with a whole lot of creativity. here are some steps to help you set up your perfect note taking vibe:

choose your medium: even if it’s a cute pastel notebook, sticky notes, or a digital app with fun themes, pick something that sparks joy and invites you to open it up. i personally love notion + remnote + coda

establish sections: break your notes into clear sections. introduction, main points, and summary. this not only boosts organization but also gives you a gratifying sense of progress every time you finish a page.

add your signature touch: doodles, small illustrations, or even a decorative border can make a note feel less like a chore and more like a mini art project. i love using aesthetic symbols for my digital notes <3

✧ creating a study ritual i believe that great notes come from a relaxed and focused mind. try integrating these rituals into your study sessions to set a positive tone, this is really important if you want to make note-taking fun:

begin with a short breathing exercise or a moment of gratitude (think of it as your pre-study pep talk).

play some light instrumental music or your favorite lo-fi beats, or playlist. something to keep your mind in a creative zone without distractions. (i have a great playlist i made that i use for tackling assignments here: 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀, 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀! <3)

grab your favorite beverage (i’m a fan of herbal tea or a cute iced coffee) and make sure you're comfortable. a little self-care goes a long way!

✧ structuring your notes for clarity a well-organized layout makes reviewing notes less daunting and more interactive. and obviously so much more fun, consider using this format for a balanced + demureee approach:

start with a title and date: it grounds your notes and gives you a quick reference.

write a brief summary of the topic: in your own words, capture the essence of what you’re about to learn. just summarize it as best as possible

list key points: use bullet points, numbered lists, or even headers for different subtopics. tip: use cute symbols for bullet points

highlight examples: it can be a quote, a definition, or an application concept, mark these with a star or a cute icon.

close with a reflection: jot down any questions, what you found most interesting, or even a mini action item related to the topic. this is your space for self-talk and reflection.

✧ turning notes into interactive canvases (cause we need it) notes aren’t meant to be static pages floating in an endless binder. make them interactive to truly boost your study sessions:

include thought-provoking questions: ask yourself things like “what would elle woods do?” (lol, we love her <3) or “how does this connect with real life?” to spark critical thinking.

add mini quizzes: at the end of each section, write one or two questions that challenge you to recall key points.

leave room for updates: as you learn more, come back and add extra notes, doodles, or even inspirational stickers (yes, just like in a scrapbook!).

✧ personal tips from mindy because i want you to shine in every note you take, here are my totally secret, fun tips to elevate your note routine:

secret tip #1: color with purpose choose a color palette that not only looks cute but also maps out different themes in your subject. use one color for definitions, another for examples, and maybe a sparkly tone for key takeaways. over time, these colors will trigger your memory (i promise, it really works!).

secret tip #2: integrate affirmations studying can be stressful sometimes, so why not lace your notes with a few tender affirmations? write a quick pep talk (like “i got this, bestie” or “every detail counts”) in a corner. it might seem small, but these little lines can boost your confidence when you need it most. and it's just so freaking cute <3 affirmations from you to you, is like a love letter to yourself, so just try it

secret tip #3: try mind mapping if you’re more of a visual learner, create mind maps instead of linear notes. start with the main topic in the center and branch out with related ideas and details. this not only makes your notes dynamic but also helps you see connections between concepts (ever notice how some subjects just click with a visual flow?).

secret tip #4: use digital tools creatively if you’re leaning towards digital note taking, like me, experiment with apps that support drawing, voice notes, and even embedded links. add images that resonate with the topic or short videos for a quick concept refresher. making your digital notebook interactive can really keep boredom at bay.

secret tip #5: schedule weekly note reviews set aside a bit of time every week to revisit your notes. treat it as a mini self-study session where you update, add reflections, or even reorganize sections for clarity. this habit not only reinforces your learning but also lets you see your own progress over time, like looking back on how far you’ve come.

✧ action items for the week (it's homework timeee) to wrap things up, here are a few steps to try:

pick one class or topic this week and redo your notes using one or two of these tips (maybe add a mind map or a quick quiz).

experiment with color coding: choose colors that resonate with you and assign them to key points or sections.

schedule a 10-minute review session at the end of the week to refresh and reflect on your notes.

share your progress with a friend or even a study group to celebrate little victories. accountability can boost your motivation!

note: note taking is a creative process that should feel as refreshing and inspiring as a new day. keep experimenting until you find what truly works for you. i hope these tips help you get excited about every page you write on.

xoxo, mindy

I made this amazzinggg playlist (as mentioned earlier in the post) and its specifically made to help you complete homework + assignments. i curated it to make sure its soft music to help you focus <3 love from mindyyy 🩷

don't forget, if you need personal advice, submit it here and i'll answer it as a detailed tumblr blog post <3: https://bit.ly/glowetteehotline

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my-castles-crumbling · 10 days ago

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Hi guys! I feel like I've said something about this in the past, but I just got an ask about this so I wanna make sure my opinions are clear.

Here's some of the ask:

Do you think it makes someone a bad person if they... you know, read certain stuff, like certain stuff in books or fics or their kinks??? I always thought that made me a horrible person. Or what about the people who like to read (insert frowned-upon thing here) It feels so ugly, so wrong. Even liking certain characters yk are bad people or this fandom hates feels wrong for some reason. And people often judge other's morals based on this stuff. And idk....

Do you think that reflects people's morals?? Or maybe not necessarily but maybe I'm sick in the head??? Because these are all horrible things like how can someone get turned on by certain stuff you know what I mean?

Aaaaaaand here's my opinion: (warning, vague discussion of taboo topics)

It does not make you a bad person if you read/write a kink. It doesn't make you a bad person for reading/writing a ship. It does NOT make you a bad person for liking a character.

Here's the thing. As far as reading/writing taboo things: Fanfiction is FICTION. People use fanfiction to explore all sorts of things- past trauma, uncomfortable feelings, experiences they're not sure how to express on their own, taking control of feelings and making them their own, or tackling them in a safe, fictional situation, rather than their own life.

For example, a person may read or write about a nonconsensual situation because they're working through having experienced something like that in the past. They may feel like they are being 'taken advantage of' in their own life. They may feel safer to work through those feelings through fanfic, rather than processing their own reality. They may also just...relate to the characters.

When it is fiction, it doesn't always directly reflect a person's moral wants or desires.

While I'm not going to get into kink too much on a blog where I know minors follow me, there's a HUGE history and a lot of research that shows that kink is NOT the same thing as actually wanting things to happen in an uncontrolled situation. If you like reading a noncon kink, it doesn't automatically mean you want someone to take advantage of you/you want to take advantage of someone. It could mean that you want someone to take control for you or YOU want to take control, in a consensual way.

Tropes are the same. If you like age gap, for example, it could mean that you just like the idea of being taken care of. It doesn't mean you want to be with someone 30 years older. And even if you like the fantasy of it, it doesn't mean you actually want it IRL. It might be that you just like reading about how it could be. The feelings behind it can be what's enticing, not the actual act, because you now IRL it wouldn't be good at all.

Reading fanfic about these taboo things isn't bad. I think the only time it would be a red flag is if you get the urge to do something IRL to/with someone that is not safe, sane, or consensual. But plenty of people read fanfics about things they would never dream of wanting irl and that's OKAY! Like, I read fanfics about Barty and Evan stabbing each other while fucking, and I'm not about to go stab anyone! I just think that idea of passion is hot. It's okay to just enjoy reading things!

It's also important to know that when people denounce kinks or ships in fanfic- ANY KINKS OR SHIPS - and call for censorship, they're travelling a slippery slope.

Sure, many people are NOT here for things like incest, and that's okay! I, myself, get the ick from things like incest. But when people ask for that to be censored, that starts setting a precedent that things considered immoral can be censored. And who's to say what's immoral? Because if it's someone like Trump, all of our gay fanfic will be gone.

Lastly, liking a character does NOT reflect a person's morality, nor does writing that character in a positive way mean anything.

I have had SO MANY PEOPLE send me hate because I like Regulus, because I write him as a decent person, because I write rosekiller together. Fanfiction doesn't reflect your morals. It's just fiction. It's a means of creative expression, not a political statement. Sure, you can make a statement with what you write, but me making Regulus hot and gay isn't me saying I'm a facist. It's just me writing fanfic. I promise, it's not that deep.

So yeah...what you choose to read and write...it's not as simple as that. I promise, you're not a bad person. And really, the fact that you're worrying about this means you're probably not the problem.

#asks #ask #ask cas #marauders

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witchyafterdark · 9 months ago

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Consolidated HL Character Profile #2:

— Sebastian Sallow —

Note: Finally, here is Sebastian's version of the complete profile analysis I've done before! I actually started doing his profile before Ominis' but his character information and background became more difficult for me to understand. Nevertheless, I'm happy to post this one for all the Sebastian girlies — and fans in general! 💕

As always, tags and shoutouts are at the very end of this post.

This is a very, very long post. Pace yourself and take your time.

—---—---—---—---—

I. Possible Birth Place

NOTE: These are all speculated places backed with cross-referenced research, and other people’s headcanons. This was the most difficult part of this post, and I am open to other suggestions and ideas.

Before we begin to even tackle all the possible birthplaces of Sebastian (and Anne), there are a couple of important things that needed to be discussed. At the end of this segment, there will be options to choose from based on narrowed down (and specified) locations.

Firstly, we know that Sebastian’s parents were professors who unfortunately passed away before he and Anne developed their magical abilities. Therefore, majority of people in the HL community have an unspoken agreement that the Sallow family (except Solomon) used to live near Hogwarts—if Mr. and Mrs. Sallow were to fulfill their work as professors during the day, and come home to their children at night every single day. They had to live near their place of work because it was indicated that they spent nearly every waking moment in the cellar attending to their academic pursuits.

But wait… where exactly is Hogwarts located?

Scotland is a massive place with lots of towns and cities. In order to narrow down the possible locations of where Hogwarts is situated, I have referred to this source that had studied this whole topic with as much precision as possible that simultaneously pieced together book-canon mentions of the castle itself.

This map shown below is the route that the Hogwarts Express travels from London (at King’s Cross Station) to the castle that oversees Hogsmeade as well. According to the website linked above, standard Victorian steam-powered trains run for 80mph (or 128kph). But under route calculation and terrain consideration, the train would have had the speed of around 65mph if it is to comply with the fact that the students reach Hogwarts by nighttime. And since the entire magical community of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade (and the entire magical Scottish Highlands) are hidden from muggle view, the estimation of Hogwarts’ location is either the Galloway Hills or the West Highlands.

For the sake of congruency between book-canon information and the landscape of the game’s map, this post will settle on the West Highlands instead.

Fun Fact: It was said that Hogsmeade was founded by an Englishman named Hengist of Woodcroft. I noticed that places with the word “-croft” is predominant in Hogwarts Legacy. There’s the Undercroft and Feldcroft, and I think it wraps up nicely alongside the origins of the founder of Hogsmeade himself.

—

Now that Hogwarts’ location has been established, let’s move on with Sebastian’s possible birthplaces.

1. Aranshire

It has been such a long while ago, but I have asked permission from @hogwartslegacypics to reference the post she did before. (Thank you for allowing me to use your work for mine. All pictures used in this segment are credited to you).

There have been deleted voice lines that Sebastian would say or be triggered when you walk with him around this area using the Companion Mod. The quest in Aranshire would have the main character investigate what happened in the village becoming abandoned by its townspeople. This would lead to a house inhabited by Mary Portman, and she was responsible for breeding all sorts of spiders in the cellar of her house.

Furthermore, Sebastian would have a specific voice line once you get inside the cellar. I have tried to activate this dialogue with other NPC’s but it’s only him that says it. There is the possibility that this quest was supposed to be done with Sebastian as part of his questline.

In this video, with the timestamp 59:39, only Sebastian says this line:

“I suppose we know what happened to Mary Portman. She was breeding the spiders.”

It would be both economical and logical for the Sallow professors to have a house near their place of employment instead of boarding with the other professors in the Faculty Tower without a live-in sitter watching their two children. And even if they did hire someone to watch their children, we were never given any indication that the twins were left under someone else's care when Mr. and Mrs. Sallow were still alive. Plus, it would put quite a dent on their finances to rely on childcare services for the whole school year that they'd be at work.

Lastly, giving birth at home is the norm during Victorian times. According to the Victorian Web:

"... for much of the nineteenth century the safest place to be delivered, regardless of social class, was at home by a well-trained midwife. Until the widespread use of antisepsis in the 1880s, male practitioners were more likely to carry infection, using unclean instruments and moving as they did between different types of medical cases and post-mortems to deliveries."

And so, it would make perfect sense that Mrs. Sallow would give birth at the comfort and safety of their home—which would indicate that Sebastian and Anne's birthplace would be Aranshire, or at the very least, near Hogwarts.

2. St. Mungo’s Hospital, London

Another possible place where Sebastian and Anne might have been born is actually at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

I would like to believe that Wizarding medical practices have stark differences from their muggle counterparts, and that the use of magic may have provided the Wizarding world some medical advances long before muggle technological discoveries.

While all of this is just speculation, there is also the possibility of complications with giving birth to a set of twins. Given that most women of the Victorian age preferred home births due to the higher maternal mortality rate with hospital births, there could still be the possibility that Mrs. Sallow had Sebastian and Anne at the hospital.

Both of his parents are professors, and was said to be open-minded folks. It wouldn't be surprising if they are the type of new parents who had read every maternity book they could get their hands on, and may have chosen the option of having medical witches and wizards to aid the delivery of the twins—should any sort of complications arise in the midst of labor.

St. Mungo's Hospital is located in London, concealed in such a manner similar to that of Diagon Alley.

"To enter the premises, one might step through the window of what appeared to be a red-bricked, condemned department store called Purge and Dowse, Ltd. This acted as a magical gateway to the main building, much like the barrier at King's Cross Station to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. Although the "department store" building housing the hospital might have been relatively small, this was not an indication of the true capacity of a magical building, the interior looked exactly as a hospital should. One way an individual could enter the building was speaking to an apparently inanimate dummy in the department store."

3. Fort William, Scotland

For Sebastian's last possible place of birth, I had to resort to looking at his wiki page. There was one little thing that I noticed written on his biographical information. There is chance that he is a half-blood.

Given that both his parents are professors, we don't actually have any actual confirmation or evidence that they taught at Hogwarts!

It could be feasible that one of Sebastian's parents was indeed a professor at Hogwarts, while the other one taught at a muggle school. If that's the case, then the Sallow family might have to settle somewhere in the "middle" of their place of work—one goes to the Wizarding community while the other goes to the nearest muggle town.

And according to the map below, the nearest muggle town that was actually the final stop before Hogwarts was Fort William.

Although, just because Sebastian and Anne were born here doesn't mean that they were raised here. It was still canonically stated that Sebastian grew up within the Wizarding community; which is around Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, Aranshire, and other hamlets deep in the Scottish Highlands.

Nevertheless, if one really wants to pinpoint an actual location on the (muggle) map, then Fort William is the nearest and most likely place. And yes, the Hogwarts Express Train passes by this beautiful town.

—

End Results:

Sebastian (and Anne) was most likely born in Aranshire, given the amount of evidence we have in the game—alongside exclusive deleted voice lines from the character himself. Then again, the two other options listed above can be considered as well if we entertain the idea of expounding on the tidbits and hints of information we have about him (such as the possibility that he is a half-blood).

—---—---—---—---—

II. Possible Date of Birth

NOTE: If you're not interested in astrology, you can just skip this one, and go to Part 3, 4, and 5!

This section of the post is pure speculation, and no solid proof at all. But we do know that Sebastian should be born between September 1, 1874 and August 31, 1875 if he was to be eleven years-old during the start of his first year at Hogwarts. Therefore, all of the following information is gathered by astrological observations of his character.

(I have a personal tarot and astrology account, @tarotwitchy, if you guys are interested in knowing more about this type of content).

Based on character analysis, I believe that Sebastian is a Virgo Sun, Scorpio Moon, and Sagittarius Rising.

Now, what does that mean?

Let's break down his character one astrological placement at a time.

1. Virgo Sun

— A lot of people think he is a Scorpio Sun. But as one myself, he doesn't quite fit the bill. Instead, based on his actions throughout the game, he represents the hallmark traits of a Virgo Sun. A person with this placement is someone who gets things done. They have laser-sharp focus on things that matter to them, and they will stop at nothing until they've satisfied their own thirst for knowledge and understanding and experience of whichever captivated their whole attention.

— It's because of this "obsessive" behavior that he is tagged as a Scorpio. But in his case, obsession is a manifestation of an unhealthy Virgo; one that cannot admit defeat and accept their losses. It's like beating a dead horse. It's not actually obsession that took over Sebastian. It's his stubbornness. It's his refusal to acknowledge that he is, in fact, not correct in his methods, and disregards anyone else's advice and pleas for him to stop.

— Before the whole Scriptorium and Relic debacle, you get to know him as someone who has a great reputation around school. The professors and the librarian acknowledge that he is a bright boy, and a notable duellist. When done right, a person with Virgo Sun shines brightly in perfecting their crafts and honing their strengths. The best part is that they have no qualms about helping others reach their full potential as well (and this is evident with the way he helps the MC perform well in practicing spells and teaching them Confringo. He loves knowing beyond what the school is willing to teach. For him, knowledge is knowledge).

2. Scorpio Moon

— This is what most people think he is. But in astrology, the basest of our instincts and emotional fallback is not reflected by our Sun sign but by our Moon sign. Our Moon sign is our last line of defense when the going gets tough. We fall into the characteristics of this placement when our "public façade" has failed to mitigate whatever issue we're dealing with.

— As for Sebastian, his Scorpio Moon took hold of the reins during the time when he was running on fumes; mentally, emotionally, and physically. In Ominis' only note, he mentioned that Sebastian is not acting like himself. As much as he is severely influenced by the Relic, it is believed that Dark Magic amplifies the wizard's emotional status.

— With Sebastian, he was already emotionally worn out from the knawing hopelessness of his sister's condition and from the verbal assault he endures from his uncle. When you combine all these elements together, you get the unhealthiest version of a volatile Scorpio Moon.

3. Virgo Mercury

— People with their Mercury in Virgo are reservoirs of both knowledge and the ambition to understand more than what they already know. They aren't the type of people to stop searching for answers simply because they already found a half-baked solution to their problems. They go the extra mile, and then some more.

— And as we all know, Sebastian had turned the entire library upside down reading tome after tome on possible solutions for Anne's dilemma. A Slytherin main character would first encounter him pacing back and forth in the common room reading a huge book... on the first day of school.

— Majority of people with this astrological placement report that they just have that intellectual "itch" that needs to be scratched with more and more information, experimentation, research, and discovery. Until that hunger is satiated, they will not stop their quest to find out the truth they seek. We see Sebastian's downward spiral with this attribute. He was willing to go as far as casting the Cruciatus curse just to get his hands on Salazar Slytherin's spellbook.

4. Scorpio Venus

— Men with Scorpio Venuses are those who aren’t afraid with the nitty gritty of interpersonal and romantic relationships. Some people like to keep things on the surface level, not really bothering with really getting to know other people on an intimate level. And yet, Sebastian has shown to be yearning for more information about the people he’s involved with.

— In the game, when the main character was starting to understand their abilities with ancient magic, Sebastian was quick to ask, “what aren’t you telling me?” He’s the kind of person who goes beyond the hi’s and hello’s, and wants to understand his companion’s current situation. This is the hallmark trait of a person with their Venus in Scorpio. Furthermore, he also exhibits the mentality of wanting to always be in-the-loop of his loved ones’ lives, even if he’s dealing with his own problems at the same time. In his mind, your problem is also his problem, and he will not abandon you in your most trying times.

— This kind of closeness can sometimes be overwhelming for people who aren’t used to another person being very personal and up-close with their lives. But this is one of the way a Scorpio Venus shows their love, and this is very evident with how Sebastian is also helping the main character in their quest find out more about Ancient Magic in spite of drowning in his own research on Anne’s cure.

5. Leo Mars

— If Mars in Leo had a textbook example, Sebastian’s face would be on the cover. To name a few examples of how he exhibits some of the qualities this astrological placement has, let’s start with the fact that Mars is the planet responsible with body language. The way Sebastian was portrayed during his cutscenes and with his routine walks around the castle, he has a very confident gait and posture. He naturally carries himself with his own brand of masculinity; not aggressively so, but securely taking up appropriate space for himself.

— Another quality that people with Leo Mars has is that they are not afraid of being under the spotlight. They live up to people’s expectations of them, and they deliver a spectacular show of presence. In Sebastian’s case, he was one of the best duelists of Crossed Wands, and he doesn’t shy away from being the main character’s opponent during Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

— He is charismatic, ambitious, and playfully adventurous and competitive. Then again, Sebastian is shown to be stubborn, dramatic, and prone to anger. These are the characteristic manifestations of Mars in the sign of Leo.

(Not to mention that his favorite spells are fiery in nature!)

6. Sagittarius Rising

— A person’s ascendant has something to do with people’s first impressions of them. There are some astrological analysis of what Sebastian’s ascendant (or rising) sign would be. Majority of them are saying he has a Scorpio Rising. To have a Scorpio Rising, one has to have a demeanor of being unapproachable, have an air of enigma, and being quite intimidating. However, our first interaction and impression of Sebastian couldn’t be further from the truth. He is open, he is approachable, he is playful, and he is chatty. Ominis, on the other hand, has a Scorpio Rising for the same reasons I stated above for this sign.

— Therefore, Sebastian has a Sagittarius Rising. Traits of this sign include having a curious glint in their eyes, being quite effortlessly popular amongst his peers, charmingly clever, and has an intellectual brand of humor.

— Sagittarius is the sign of higher learning. If the main character was a Slytherin, the very first cutscene of Sebastian is with him pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, with a massive book in his hand, and reading and learning what he can about his dilemma. That is a very obvious and blatant display of a first impression of a Sagittarius rising.

—

End Results:

Sebastian Sallow was born on September 15, 1874 at around 1:00PM, during the autumn season.

Of course, all of this is just my personal headcanon but I made sure to back them up with research and imbued them with my own astrological knowledge when it comes to matching his personality and his possible birth date.

—---—---—---—---—

III. Psychometric Analysis

NOTE: I will be linking the sites for these tests should you want to take them yourself! 😊 Have fun!

1. MBTI

— ENTP (Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving)

"ENTP's are known for their rebellious streak. For this personality type, no belief is too sacred to be questioned, no idea is too fundamental to be scrutinized, and no rule is too important to be broken or at least thoroughly tested. This could make them seem overly cavalier or defiant, but at their core, their innate tendency to test boundaries has more to do with their desire for innovation and change."

Sebastian is, quite literally, the poster boy for ENTP. He embodies the trademark inquisitive nature of this type, and he has the signature charm to back it up as well. He isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty to understand a certain topic he zeroes in on, and he doesn’t shy away from topics that would be considered taboo. As a matter of fact, he thrives in the taboo. Sebastian doesn’t discriminate the information that comes his way; instead, he has his own mental compass and filter that systematizes the knowledge he comes to possess.

2. Enneagram

— Type 8 with wing 7; SX/SP (The Maverick)

“8w7 people are action-oriented and powerful people with a passion for pursuing new opportunities. They tend to be self-confident, sociable, pragmatic and comfortable with conflict. They’re ambitious and independent, preferring to follow their own path. They dream big and have the dedication to achieve their goals. They thrive in environments that encourage their idealism, while granting them the authority to make a difference. They don’t settle for anything; they always seek more. They are also strategic and tough if needed.”

True to the name of this particular Enneagram, Sebastian is known as a rebel and a maverick. He’s the kind of person that questions the rules and authority instead of following blindly. He has his own moral code that he abides to because he is secure in his ability to make the correct decisions, even if we know that he’s going down a dark path. As a rebel, he will stubbornly insist to everyone that his way is the right way because he has already examined the possible courses of action outside the constraints of authority.

This is why he ended up butting heads with Ominis (who thrives in his own systematic order). To Sebastian, no rule is too sacred to break. As long as he sees the alternative outcomes to a specific goal, he will march to the beat of his own drum.

3. Four Temperaments

— Choleric–Sanguine (The Executive)

"The Choleric-Sanguine has a natural drive to quickly get results. They are goal and bottom-line oriented, and can be very persuasive in promoting their ideas and goals. They are easily annoyed when others do not comply with their instructions or direction but it passes quickly; quickly aroused, easily calmed. They are not angry, although others may at times think they are furious. They are impatient and will push others to obtain results and be productive."

This is blend of Temperament fits Sebastian perfectly, especially towards the tail end of his plotline. It’s very evident is his voice lines that he isn’t afraid to push people to their limits and persuade others relentlessly. He jumps into the heat of the battle without much thought, and he expects people to follow suit. He doesn’t appreciate it when his close friends question his motives because that would be an insinuation that they don’t trust his judgments. He is quick on his feet and even quicker with executing alternate routes to get closer to his goals instead of wallowing in his failures.

—---—---—---—---—

IV. Corporeal Patronus

NOTE: An Animagus is a witch or wizard's animal representation of their basest instincts and behavior. A Patronus is an animal manifestation of what makes them happiest. While most people will have the same animal for their Animagus form and Patronus, it's not always the case. We know that a person's Patronus can change throughout their lifetime.

Majority of people in the community have an unspoken agreement that Sebastian’s Animagus is a fox. By extension, his Patronus must take the corporeal form of a fox as well. However, I personally disagree with the definitions that I find in most sources. Therefore, I researched every possible Patronus result in the Wizarding World official test, and painstakingly reviewed their meanings using multiple sources. I have also enlisted the help of my cousin, who also completed her gameplay as a proud Hufflepuff, to determine which amongst all the extensive Patronus possibilities suit Sebastian the best. And after two hours of combing and debating through it, we have decided on the Buffalo.

This source defined this patronus as such:

Few possess just the right strength of character for their patronus to take the form of a buffalo. Those that do are dedicated individuals who are fiercely protective of those close to them, and not in a general way, either. Anyone foolish enough to attempt to harm another under a buffalo’s care is unlikely to come out unscathed. They are fighters, and it’s not uncommon for a buffalo to have their own personal code or way of acting to which normal morality simply doesn’t apply, which can be dangerous even for the buffalo. When all is well, they are placid but often outgoing, with strong personalities and who like having fun with those they bond to. However, going too long without contact with friends or family can lead to a buffalo feeling anxious or sad, and they will usually be at their best when sharing time with others. They are steadfast friends that enjoy being helpful and lending a hand to complete a task, or just making someone feel better. The buffalo is full of many feelings, the strong stature of them showing through a person in this way. They try to appear stoic, but it often backfires and they wear their hearts on their sleeves. They are passionate about everything they do and headstrong. They make sure their opinions are known by all that they concern, because they want to show that they are not weak. They feel as though their emotion and lack of control over it does in a way give them weakness, and it angers them greatly. They have strong tempers that are easy to lose.

A witch or a wizards Patronus has been proven to change over the span of their lifetime, and is influenced by major milestones such as marriage, relationships, or simply being influenced by your parent’s Patronus. However, based on the game material itself, a Buffalo Patronus fits Sebastian the best. Yes, he can still emulate the trickster and cunning nature of having a Fox Animagus. But based on his emotional state throughout the game, this animal’s spirit and its subsequent meaning perfectly reflects why he did the things he has done. He bulldozes his way through things without much contemplation, and he does wear his heart on his sleeves. Sebastian is the type to also care about the problems of his friends and loved ones personally, and will be their pillar of strength when needed.

—---—---—---—---—

V. Wand Analysis

1. Wand Wood

Based on the physical characteristics of this wand and the meaning of the wood, it's highly possible that Sebastian's wand is made from Yew Wood.

According to the wand wood information:

"Yew wands are among the rarer kinds, and their ideal matches are likewise unusual, and occasionally notorious. The wand of yew is reputed to endow its possessor with the power of life and death, which might, of course, be said of all wands; and yet yew retains a particularly dark and fearsome reputation in the spheres of duelling and all curses. However, it is untrue to say (as those unlearned in wandlore often do) that those who use yew wands are more likely to be attracted to the Dark Arts than another. The witch or wizard best suited to a yew wand might equally prove a fierce protector of others. Wands hewn from these most long-lived trees have been found in the possession of heroes quite as often as of villains. Where wizards have been buried with wands of yew, the wand generally sprouts into a tree guarding the dead owner’s grave. What is certain, in my experience, is that the yew wand never chooses either a mediocre or a timid owner."

There have been a plethora of different wand woods that are actually suitable for Sebastian's magical disposition. Most people have hypothesized that his wand is made from Aspen due to its duelling nature. However, I have considered that Sebastian's duelling skills are not emphasized because of the wand he uses. It is through his innate magical skills and strength that made him an exceptional duellist.

I also do not see him joining a duelling club (Silver Spears) as a way to flaunt his wand and the exclusivity of what it entails. He was most likely recruited due to his consistent displays of sheer talent and capabilities in martial magic during classes. Sebastian doesn't seem to be the type to use a personal artifact to bolster his reputation. Rather, he utilizes everything he has with efficient resourcefulness to hone his abilities manually and with hard work. You can take his wand from him and provide him with another, and he'd still be formidable with it. That is the kind of witch or wizard Yew wands choose — just as it chose Tom Riddle and Ginny Weasley.

2. Wand Core

This one is easy to determine. Sebastian's wand is imbued with a core of Dragon Heartstring. According to Ollivander, this wand is powerful yet volatile at the wrong hands.

"As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental."

With how quickly Sebastian reads and practices a lot of things in such a short period of time (and simultaneously juggling his studies along with it), it's safe to say that he is a quick learner. He easily absorbs what he reads and witnesses without trouble, and he is able to put into immediate use what he discovers just moments ago. It makes sense that he is paired with a wand with this kind of core, as he needs a magical conduit that doesn't hinder his fast progress.

Furthermore, it is a matter of fact that he truly is drawn towards the Dark Arts, and he was able to cast all the Unforgivable Curses without any error nor did he fumble with them. It takes a great amount of skill a wizard possesses in order to execute these highly complex, powerful, and very dark magic. This is something that a Dragon Heartstring wand core looks for in its owner; the innate drive and relentless energy to fulfill advanced forms of magic. Sebastian just so happens to tick all of those boxes seamlessly.

3. Wand Flexibility and Length

According to the official source:

"Wand flexibility or rigidity denotes the degree of adaptability and willingness to change possessed by the wand-and-owner pair."

Because of that, his wand's flexibility is most likely Hard. This source had explained it perfectly:

"A wand of this flexibility is very difficult to work with and its loyalty is not won easily. Hard wands are great for complex and advanced levels of magic, so beginning wizards and witches may find extra difficulty with this wand when it doesn't perform well for simple magic. As such, this type of wand is best suited for wizards and witches who are gifted, stubborn, and never give up. Owners of this wand also have a tendency to view things in absolutes; black or white. Some people may find them intimidating or difficult to approach."

Majority of Sebastian's wand analysis categorizes it as Unyielding. And while that was the initial decision in this post, I ultimately decided otherwise. With this flexibility, it really puts emphasis on his natural affinity for difficult spells and his tenacity to see through what he started. This kind of wand is not for the timid witch or wizard but someone who is comfortable being challenged time and time again. And of course, Sebastian sees a challenge as a test of his magical progress and curiosities.

As for the length of it, a standard 12 and 3/4 inches suits him just fine. He isn't too cocky about his skills but he also has confidence in himself to get things done.

—

End Results:

Yew Wood, Dragon Heartstring Core, Hard Flexibility, and 12 3/4 inches long! (It isn't a mystery that Confringo is one of his favorite spells!)

—---—---—---—---—

Honestly, this is a difficult one to finish. There wasn’t much to go on with, and every information here was based on very limited information. And most of my posts took a back burner because I feel like I needed to finish this one first. And I had this post sitting in my drafts for more than a year now!

Nevertheless, I am happy with what I produced, and this was given the same amount of thought as the one I had with Ominis. This one’s for all the Sebastian lovers! I hope this is up to par with other character analysis we already have in the fandom.

Tags:

Just a shoutout to my cousin, Marsha, for helping me with this post! I had so much fun doing this at the crack of dawn while we FaceTimed. Without your help, this post won’t be published. Love you to bits, and I’ll see you in December!

@sunnyrealist: I promised, didn’t I? I’m sorry it took a year, though!

@pufflehuffing: I swear, our conversations will always be the highlight of my social media presence in this fandom. This one’s for you, too!

@ravenwind-75: I know you’re an Ominis girlie but I also promised to share this with you once I wrapped it up. Our chats have always been so nice, and I genuinely enjoy being a part of your community.

—

Look at the date when I first created this post. It's been rotting in my drafts for more than a year now... just like the rest of my other posts. 🥲

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy headcanons #hogwarts legacy headcanon #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow headcanon #sebastian sallow headcanons #sebastian sallow imagine #sebastian sallow imagines #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow smut #yes i put this in the smut tags cuz i feel like this is an intellectual kind of smut where the information fucks you until your brain's mush #the brain rot is strong #the brain rot is real #the brainrot continues #but after this post... I'm going to lay low on the headcanons #i'm afraid this one did me in #my brain is fried #witchy speaks

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findingyourrootscomic · 2 months ago

Photo

Finding Your Roots- Chapter 12, Page 85

It took seven years but we made it, hahaha... What a bittersweet milestone. The first proper catch of my 2018 Omega Ruby earthlocke run, Shelly was... not, the kind of pokemon who impressed. I was p excited to catch nincada since Omega Ruby's early game was so sparse on earthens. Caught on Route 116, she joined Cedar's party just after she defeated Roxanne's gym and evolved. From there... while Shelly did eventually catch up to Cedar in levels, she never quite caught up to ANYONE in terms of, uh. Usefulness. I got her to participate in a couple of battles, such as the Wally fight in Mauville, but even when she had the type advantage, I usually just ended up having to switch her out and get someone stronger in like Cedar or Nauki fjkghjdsfghjdfkg. She did not actually fight Flannery, that was comic only. When I hit the desert/mountain region and started catching new pokemon, I actually tried to box her more than once. I replaced her with Ember and Copper... and then Copper died. Shelly's back in. Threw Lockheed in to replace Shelly once again. Then Ember died. You see the pattern?? Every time I tried to box Shelly safely away, a spot on the party would open up, and I rathered she at least be there instead of just an empty slot. I felt it was safer. And ultimately... it was. It happened in Jagged Pass, same as in the comic. But instead of Deoxys threatening me with a party wipe, it was a uhhhh belly-drumming hariyama HAHA. I'm p sure in the party, it was Cedar, Shelly, Nauki, Brawler, Lockheed, and Eclipse. Copper and Ember were both dead at this point, Tuffy had yet to be caught (a lot of stuff happens out of order in this latest arc). I threw out Cedar against the hariyama, aaaand... Same as Brendan lol. Oneshot. So obviously at this point I was FUCKING TERRIFIED cause if Cedar couldn't do it, I was unconvinced anyone else could. So I. Did something kinda evil fjkghjdfg. I threw in Shelly. And on the turn she died (OHKO obvs), I used a revive (the item) on Cedar. Cedar and Nauki got us out of that fight after that iirc... But another revive was used, and Shelly went off to the Grave box. We made it out of having a full team wipe, but only because of that sacrifice. Soooo, what about the comic? Well, it was a difficult thing. FYR is ultimately a practice in tone management, but the first catch dying partway through the run? That was a tough one to juggle. Because FYR started out with a highly positive tone, a lot of readers early on did not expect much from this comic emotions-wise. On top of that, some people in the nuzlocke community were giving me a hard time for wanting to tackle serious topics with a cutesy art style. So in the early days, thinking about Shelly's upcoming death usually made me panic haha;;; kjfghkjdfg. I didn't want people to get angry or accuse me of tricking them. Hence I spent. A LOT of time thinking about how this one was gonna play out haha. Shelly's death being a sacrifice was important to me. Without it, we probably would have not made it through this run, guys. I wanted her to save Cedar specifically, to represent how her sacrifice allowed Cedar to live and continue to carry her team through the run. On top of that, I wanted her death to really mean something. It was going to be a major turning point in the run: the comic from here on out is very different from everything that's come before. Even though hardly anyone expected Shelly to make it through, I wanted everyone to grieve her as much as I was inevitably going to. I wanted this moment to matter. So, I buckled down. Book 2 became the Shelly book, and I set out to write her a character arc that kicked into gear at its very beginning and concluded with its climax. This book was very intentionally designed for Shelly's arc. It starts with some major lows as I presented her flaws and what she's dealing with. I threw her challenge after challenge, knowing she would fail to rise to them. Anxious, depressed, and convinced of her weakness, Shelly was not always the sort of girl who would jump motherfucking Deoxys. For a while, some readers actually couldn't stand her, and a lot of folks thought I'd write her out in Chapter 8, signifying her failure to improve or live up to her team. Instead, through the power of Cedar's friendship and kindness, Shelly realized that if she didn't owe it to herself to try and become stronger, she at least owed it to Cedar. She went from holding a lot of resentment towards Cedar, to becoming her self-declared best friend. They grew closer, Shelly grew stronger. In the end, she defeated Flame and paved the way for Team Hearth to take on Team Magma, drawing her strength through the power of connection. After all, friendship and family... its everything. Shelly did not make it very far past that initial win. She was never going to, I knew exactly what point in the story she died. Shelly's death here is both a character arc completed and a character arc forever unfinished. If Deoxys hadn't killed her, who knows how much farther she could've gone? How much stronger she would've become? Those questions will remain forever unanswered... But I think it would be a lie to say that nothing of note here was accomplished. She DID grow. She DID become stronger. And that strength gave her the power to save the life of her best friend. It just, unfortunately, could only come to pass through her death. If Shelly had never gone on her arc, if Cedar had never reached out to her again and again... Cedar would have DIED here. Think about that. Shelly was never the readerbase's favorite character, haha. She's been called obnoxious, toxic, racist; it died down in the last few chapters, but folks were once QUITE VOCAL about their dislike of her haha. Which is fine, of course, I was out to prove a point anyway and she did use to act pretty rotten sometimes. But I have such a soft spot for characters like Shelly, honestly. I originally started this comic to work through a racial identity crisis I was having like many years ago, and Shelly ended up getting handed a lot of my darkest and ugliest feelings at the time. She is a misanthrope, she feels targeted by a racist world and it makes her angry, depressed, prone to lashing out, and... that was me. For many years. That's actually why it hurt when people first started to dunk on her (back in Chapter 4). I was probably more defensive of her in the comments than I should've been, but my friend Zero eventually taught me how to calm down on that front. I watched negative comments pour in about her in Chapters 7 and 8, nothing ever outright cruel but definitely somewhat devoid of empathy for her. I let them all pass, tried not to take it too personal cause I knew I had a good chance to change a lot of people's minds in her final chapters. And again, no one is ever obligated to like any of my characters, I know how they can be lol. But she was always one of my more personal characters in this comic. Her arc of challenging her anxiety is something I have seen so many loved ones work through over the years... That part of her, at least, is a love letter to all my anxious friends and family. And her bitterness, her anger... A love letter to one of the most difficult parts of myself. I don't think Shelly ever completely overcame that anger. I think she probably died hating elementals, and every other race along with them. But she was able to overcome that seething hatred to become a good friend and positive asset to Cedar and the rest of her team. She hated the world and all the pokemon within it, but still became part of a family that accepted her. That means something to me... I hope it means something to you, too. Shelly will forever live on in my heart as a personal symbol of racial justice. That is what she means to me, ultimately. Thank you so much for showering her with love over the years and tolerating her bullshit haha. I know this was not the easiest character to love, but a lot of folks really opened their hearts to her. I appreciate that immensely, I really do. Goodnight, little hero. We love you, loved you, and we always will. Rest in power.

--- In honor of the pokemon we lost, the rest of June will be a moment of silence. No further pages will be posted this month. All the comics are back proper in July. See you there!

Chapter Thirteen: The Bottom of Your Heart > Cover Content Warnings If you loved Shelly, please consider supporting me on Patreon!

#pokemon #pokemon comic #nuzlocke #nuzlocke comic #pmd #pmd comic #pokemon mystery dungeon #pokemon mystery dungeon comic #pokemon omega ruby #hoenn #finding your roots comic #chapter 12

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some-lost-fox · 9 months ago

Text

Overblot scars, part 2/7 Leona got kinda... long, oops?

Trigger Warnings:

Possible OOC, no beta, scars (bit of angst)

Important note: You are actively hiding scars from them!

Heartslabyul - Savanaclaw (You are here!) - Octavinelle - Scarabia - Pomefiore - Ignihyde - Diasomnia

SAVANACLAW

Leona Kingscholar

- Leona barely cared about the Herbivore that had the sheer AUDACITY to wake him up, barely a few days into the new school year

- But then you started to wear that ugly scarf, which sadly ended up catching attention. (Black and green? Like the colors from Diasomnia? Disgusting.)

- Sadly, the lion beastman started to have his eyes on you, and when lions choose their prey, it's hard to get rid of them

- His eyes would notice tiny things, capable of reading the body language, and his ears would twitch ever so slightly to changes in your tone

- The way you told your friends not to worry about the scarf ("It's just cold!") (bulls--) and always tried to change the topic of conversation the second they poked around it

- Or how you would ever so slightly flinch when you heard Riddle's voice. The overblot clearly left some mental scars on you. With all those facts, he wanted to know more...

- He doesn't remember anything from his overblot, but your body language towards him changed. Even your behavior. He's not dumb.

- You would shift your gaze whenever you two talked, and you would clutch your dominant hand. (Had... he hurt you? That's what your body language was saying... No, he surely didn't...)

- Talking to you eventually got so difficult, as well as looking out for you from respectable distance (He was NOT a stalker like Rook.) to the point he had to get Ruggie for it. (Ruggie did dig into him because of that)

- Then the whole stupid thing with the dorm happened, but that was the closest you had gotten to Leona in a while, and he was, deep inside, grateful (not like he would say it) but threatening HIS sleep? No, that wasn't happening

- Overblot fixing later, and Azul got the same jumpy treatment. Just now you were rubbing the wrist of your non-dominant hand.

- So, when he saw you talking to Azul, he decided to swoop in and grab you the wrist you were rubbing so much. He was slightly surprised when he felt a glove instead of your skin.

- After kidnapping you into an empty classroom, he decided to finally tackle this issue.

- "I'm not fidgety! You are just imagining stuff!" "I'm not blind, Herbivore."

- So with nowhere to run and him glaring at you, you finally gave up. You removed the scarf and removed the glove, showing him the two out of three scars you got.

- Leona quickly puzzled it together, and his eyes turned soft, the glare was gone. The ears lowered themselves as he reached for your hand, and his eyes met yours, asking for permission to check what he caused to you.

- You were now shaking, your heart was beating fast, but you allowed him. You had no clue why, but you did.

- He gently rolled up your sleeve, his eyes widening. (You were surprised he was being... so gentle.) His thumb gently caressed the scratch-mark-like scars. For the longest time, not a single word escaped his lips.

- "Do they still hurt?" (Yes, they burn.) "No."

- He gently pressed his lips against the back of your hand and murmured something to himself (which caused the magical scar to burn, just a little bit less)

- Once he pulled away he just stared into your eyes and sighed.

"Can you try not to get hurt? Your friends have to be worried about your ass." ("And I'm twice more." said his eyes)

🦁🦁🦁

Jack Howl

- Unlike students from Heartslabyul, Jack didn't know you from the start, but he tilted his head to the side when he saw you in that scarf, during sunny and warm weather.

- "They are just special like that," Ace said with a shrug, but Jack found it odd, but didn't say anything, your friends would know better, right?

- Being a wolf beastman, brought advantages of noticing small things, just like Leona.

- So after dealing with Leona's overblot, Jack found it odd how you would keep your hand always close to your side, and would always move around to not have anyone at that side. ("Wha? No, you are just imagining things, Jack.")

- But he didn't try to push you, at least not yet, but you would always catch him staring ("I-I wasn't staring, I was just looking your way......" he would lie while his tail would wag oh so little)

- A couple of days after Azul's overblot, he heard a soft crying, and found you, clutching your wrist outside of Ramshackle (He will never say why he was there, stop trying. He was just... passing by.)

- "Jack...!" You were startled, but he just looked at you, and... the first thing that came to his head was a memory... of you mentioning how soft he looked in his wolf form...

- "Unleash the Beast" he murmured to himself turned into his giant wolf version, and simply relaxed next to you, as a giant fluffy wolf.

- Needless to say, you hugged him and explained everything, it was easier to explain it to him by pretending he was a dog...

- Jack listened, and the next morning, he was by your side, slightly blushing, but his tail was wagging.

"D-Don't think I will repeat that... It was one time event...!" (You both knew otherwise...)

🐺🐺🐺

Ruggie Bucchi

- Oh boy, Ruggie barely knew you, and barely really cared, at the start.

- Then Leona's overblot happened, and well, he noticed you were acting odd. At least towards Leona, who sent him to investigate.

- And well, his investigation went pretty smoothly, it didn't take long for him to realize you hiding something. But he just wasn't sure what.

- Once you managed to force Leona into helping with Azul, (and dealing with his overblot) Ruggie had a theory. You got hurt and decided to treat the wounds yourself.

- Perhaps if he helped you, it would make you less... weird (scared?) towards Leona!

- Of course, the hyena beastman didn't ask like a normal person would, and simply... used his unique magic (he could get away with it!) and removed the glove from your hand! (Or well, YOU removed it.)

- As he was about to grab the proper first aid kit, he was shocked

- You were glaring at him, tears slowly appearing in your eyes.

- "Hey don't cry. Hey c'mon." Ruggie felt bad. He didn't mean to hurt you, or rather in this case, expose you.

- He sighed and explained how he simply wanted to help. He was lucky that you appriacited his caring (but you did scold him over asking for permission if anything like that ever happens)

"What if we use your newest scar on Azul, and demand emotional payback? Hey, I'm joking!" (He made you stop crying and made you laugh, win.)

🌭🌭🌭

#twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar #leona kingsholar x reader #jack howl #jack howl x reader #ruggie bucchi #ruggie bucci x reader

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carlsangel · 1 year ago

Text

CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT

carl grimes x fem!reader

(you were chosen at terminus.)

tags: angst to comfort, themes pertaining to terminus.

masterlist here!

You were absolutely terrified when you were pulled from the large container that you were held in at Terminus. You remember Carl grasping at your hand, trying to keep them from taking you but he couldn’t hold on tight enough. Once you were gone he started to blame himself. He immediately felt that your life was at stake and it was his fault.

You were in and out of consciousness while you were dragged away from your family. All that ran through your head is that you weren’t able to properly say goodbye to anyone, you believed you were the only one being taken but soon you realized you weren’t. You were able to take in everything once you were in a larger room, a room where you heard a loud blade, so loud that you realized you hadn’t heard a noise like that in a while.

You look up to be met with a terrifying image that would most likely be engraved in your brain for a while. You were scared it would be you soon. You were thinking, there needed to be some way out, you were always able to escape. You were thrown next to Rick, once settling onto your knees you look down the row to see Daryl and Glenn as well, along with another group of four people who you didn’t know.

Once Rick took it all in, realizing that you’d be sitting right next to him, he panicked. He’d do anything in his power for you not to be there, after all you were incredibly important to him and Carl. You were family. The next few moments were taunting and torturous. There were things you would definitely not forget.

You were able to escape death, maybe for the tenth time in your life. You couldn’t think, you just took orders from Rick or went into the direction he shoved you into run. You didn’t even really react when reuniting with Carl either. You just let him tackle you into a hug, and you can’t quite reciprocate it, instead you just freeze until he feels you not responding and he pulls away.

From then on you can’t quite open up. Carl hated every second of it. He wasn’t sure what to do, you practically shut him out completely. Michonne noticed his frustration. At some point she caught him just staring at you after it all while you were out on the road the day after Terminus. You were sitting on a log by the fire and he stood next to a tree and just watched you.

You kept your head down, sort of drawing shapes into the dirt beneath your feet quietly. That was until Abraham dropped a log into the fire, causing a loud noise which you couldn’t help but flinch at. Everyone noticed, the yelp that came from your mouth as you shielded your head. Just the noise coming from the fire’s flames growing louder filled the silence before Abraham spoke.

“Sorry, little one…didn’t mean to startle ya.” He says apologetically, his tone was quiet, he seemed sincere and concerned. You shake your head, telling him it’s fine and to move on. Meanwhile with Carl watching you, he noticed how startled you gotten and he just wanted to help you. He was going to walk over to you before Michonne stopped him. “Don’t. Not right now.” She tells him, leading him to be frustrated. “She’s seen a lot. I’m not exactly sure what, it’ll be a while before she truly opens up but…give her some time.”

So he does, he gives you a couple days but you start to warm up to everyone again once all the remaining people from Terminus were killed at the church. You felt somewhat relieved. Like they couldn’t hurt you anymore. Even though they never did and never could. You started talking to Carl more often which made him ecstatic. Except you avoided any topics toward Terminus. You put up a front, you didn’t want to think of it so you acted like it didn’t happen.

He understood but he wanted nothing more than for you to open up to him. He’s so in love with you, he just wants to help but he can’t if you just act like nothing happened.

That was all until after losing Beth and Tyreese. That’s what set you off. You wandered far into the forest while you guys stopped for some food and water, little did you know Carl was following behind. You walked quite far, cleared any of the walkers on the way before you slumped down against a tree trunk. Not long after, Carl approached. You expected him to be there, he’s sort of been lingering.

He walks over and sits next to you, his eyes focused on you the entire time. You stay silent until he speaks up, bringing your attention from the floor beneath you to him. “You know I love you…right?” He tells you. “I really do. I want you to talk to me. I wanna help you.” He continues. You just look at him, your eyes sort of pleading like you want to tell him but you can’t. “I just…I want you to open up.”

Your pleading eyes start to fill with tears. You wanted to ignore everything that happened at Terminus but with the past weeks you’ve realized holding it in only makes it worse.

“It was horrible, like really terrifying. They were sawing a man apart in front of us…they were gonna drain all our blood. Almost killed Glenn if it wasn’t for Carol.” At this point, tears were falling from your face and he was wiping every single one away for you. He looked at you so intently. “Gareth waved a knife in front of my face…he was gonna take my eye out if your dad didn’t cooperate.” You mutter. He feels horrible for you, he has no idea what he could do for you besides comforting you. He didn’t realize how bad Terminus truly was. “I just…I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I can’t think straight.”

He leaned forward to place a kiss on your forehead which lead to him pulling you into him for a hug. He rests his chin atop your forehead while you hug him tightly. Every time you squeeze him, he squeezes back.

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I mean it.”

a/n: maxine how dare you request this ITS SO PAINFUL!!!!! AGHHH!!!!! I’m jk this was sooooo rjgsjfbdjdjff sobbing pissing and shitting my pants i love it even though it’s so upsetting AHHHH

tag list: @zomb-1-egutzz @lunarnightt @ilikestrawberriesandwomen @hiro--aoki @h00d-tr4sh @callsignwidow

#carl grimes #twd #the walking dead #carl grimes twd #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes x fem!reader #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes the walking dead #the walking dead carl #carl grimes smut #carl grimes angst #twd carl #twd fanfiction #twd angst

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wareagleofthemountain · 1 year ago

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Here’s a compilation of all my behind the scenes HCs that I imagine Thranduil and his queen shared in their domestic lives

Being that they often stayed up late working on paperwork, battle strategies, and other royal duties, Thranduil and his wife had a mental cookbook of DIY recipes. This came from the countless times they’ve whipped up a last minute dish made from leftovers at 2 AM. Including desserts and, as a law, they feed each other a spoonful of whipped cream whenever one of them takes the container out.

Thranduil’s wife loves to tease him for having a “Doriath accent” whenever he speaks in Elvish. Which he of course passes on to Legolas. Sometimes, when he’s pronounced a word particularly heavy in his Doriath inflection, she’ll chuckle and repeat it back to him just as he said it so he can’t deny his accent as he always does. But, for all her teasing, she thinks his speech is adorable.

Thranduil has a slightly lopsided smirk due to the burn scars on the right side of his face. Even with his masking spell, the right half of his lip droops down when he smiles.

Thranduil’s wife always takes care when approaching him on his blind side, touching his shoulder and gently brushing her body against his side to make him known of her presence before she speaks lest she startle him.

Thranduil wears low cut v-necks at his wife’s request. She loved to brush her fingers over his collarbone whenever she passed him as a sign of affection so he made it a point to keep that area accessible to her.

No personal space for the queen. Although she had her own throne, Thranduil much preferred to hold her in his lap with his chin atop her head during meetings.

Every night before bed and every morning before breakfast, Thranduil rests his head in his wife’s lap and holds her free hand as the other works healing salve into his scars. She’s the only one, besides his healers when he’d first been burned, that he allows himself to drop his protective shield around. He was fearful at first that she may be put off by what she saw, but she only loved that part of him fiercely and shamelessly.

Thranduil’s elk and the queen are very close. He often follows her around whenever she goes for a walk, and he’ll still try to follow her even when Thranduil is trying to ride him in a different direction. The king will have to tug on his reigns and put in a good deal of effort to get his mount on a different path.

The white gems were a just because gift for his wife, as Thranduil was so thankful to be married to her that he often surprised her with gifts.

When meetings become long and dull without any important topics being discussed, Thranduil and his wife will entertain themselves by passing a paper back and forth. The rest assume that they are just taking notes, but really they’re drawing. Someone starts on the picture and they pass it around, adding on to it until the meeting is over. The end result is always interesting and Thranduil has a locked drawer in his office where he keeps them.

The queen and baby Legolas often drop by the king’s throne room and bring him flowers they’ve picked while out on a walk.

The night Thranduil was crowned king, before his official ceremony, his wife and son crowned him in their bedchamber after everyone had finished getting dressed. They didn’t have a silken red carpet so the queen rolled out a long red bath towel. They didn’t have a royal scepter so toddler Legolas fetched a branch he’d brought inside. But they did have the crown, so Thranduil took a knee before his wife and she said, “by the power vested in me by Prince Legolas Greenleaf of the woodland realm, I name you king Thranduil Oropherion. Leader, protector, and defender of our land.” She placed the crown atop his head, Legolas tapped his shoulders with the stick, and Thranduil tackle hugged them both. He’d never felt more like a king than in that moment, and he always considered this his true right to rule.

The king and queen dislike being apart longer than absolutely necessary, and never tire of each other’s company. The queen considers their marriage as having an eternal sleepover with her best friend. Which is accurate as I think they have been close since childhood.

They made a game of hiding one of Legolas’s stuffed toys in various places around the palace. Once it’s found, it’s the other’s turn to hide it.

They can’t sleep unless they’re cuddling.

Whenever someone new moves into their kingdom, Thranduil and his wife make them a welcome gift basket filled with local plants and foods, as well as a few household staples.

The couple are good friends with Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrian. However, the Queen and Celebrian are on another level. They’re practically sisters and declare a “no boys allowed” hang out session whenever they visit. They just wanna drink wine, try on dresses, and plot to take over the world (but you didn’t hear that from me).

When they were pregnant, the ladies took turns hosting vacation weekends at their estates.

Thranduil gets rather possessive of his wife when around human men, keeping his arm wrapped around her at all times and glaring if someone stares at her a moment too long. It’s not that he doesn’t trust her, it’s just that he knows human males aren’t as well mannered as elven men. Plus they tend to stare more and he hates that. Same for dwarves.

They rarely ever argue as the couple has always made it a point in their relationship to be open with one another. There is truly nothing that can’t be discussed between them.

The first time the queen saw how terrifying and brutal Thranduil could be in a battle, she was actually quite scared and it took him a few days to ease her back into feeling comfortable around him.

Whenever they go out for a ride in winter, Thranduil always seats her on the saddle in front of him and hides her in his cloak with her back pressed against his warm chest.

He’s definitely the type to shamelessly check out his wife from atop his throne as she walks by. They also playfully flirt with one another whenever they can.

Thranduil loves to nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck from behind, his arms wrapped around her waist.

Sad, but the Queen’s body had been so brutalized by orcs that there was not enough of it to bring back for a proper burial, so Thranduil ordered the statue be built in place of a grave. On his worst nights, when he’s absolutely sure no one is around and fails to drink himself to sleep, he’ll curl up on the forest floor at the foot of the statue for some sort of comfort in order to close his eyes. He also sometimes pays it a visit just to plant more flowers and tell it about his day or how much Legolas has grown. Obviously he knows it’s an inanimate object, but he misses her so much.

He and the Queen have an inside joke involving Elros. Thranduil had hired the guard himself without the presence of his wife, so it wasn’t until the next day that Elros encountered the Queen while standing watch at Thranduil’s side during a public audience. The Queen was never one for formality so she was easily mistaken by him as a commoner due to her simple attire. When she’d attempted to step out onto the stage beside her husband as he spoke, Elros drew his blade and told her that she was standing too close to the king. Now, sometimes when she’s standing near Thranduil, she’ll take a few steps back and say “wouldn’t want to stand too close to his Majesty” with a wink. It makes Thranduil grin in amusement and Elros blush terribly.

Thranduil is constantly holding his wife’s hand.

During holidays, the queen sees to decorating the palace herself and always comes up with at least one fun craft for her and Thranduil to try each season.

#thranduil’s wife #thranduil #thranduil x reader #thranduil x thranduil’s wife #Legolas #the hobbit #queen of mirkwood #legolas’s mother

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hypodermicfroggy · 1 year ago

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= PROJECT MOON LORE GUIDE =

(I've posted a guide like this on Steam, but I figure it couldn't hurt to put an updated version on Tumblr, too. Also, a warning: This post is going to be very, *very* long.)

Hello, current Project Moon fandom and future/want-to-be fans!

Do you enjoy Limbus Company but don't know how to get into the other games and media to appreciate the greater lore of the series? Do you not actually have the money, time, or patience to endure a brutally punishing (and sometimes even janky) roguelike management sim, deckbuilder, or gacha game because we live in a capitalistic hellworld like the one this very series criticizes? Struggle with getting access to supplementary materials due to controversies and language barriers?

(Pictured: PM Twitter and the Limbus Steam Forums, on any given day. Seriously, what is wrong with some of you people.)

And especially important: hate how Reddit and Steam are full of dudebro coomers who are openly hostile to F2P, non-day one players who might grapple with all the previous issues on top of being more invested in story than waifus?

Then read on under the cut!

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

This guide contains a comprehensive list of resources for you to be able to enjoy the Project Moon series to its fullest, including links to wikis, playlists, and more. Even if you can't play the games, I personally think those who can actually appreciate the series shouldn't be gatekept from the truly fantastic story and world that the games hold. Except Canto 6, we don't talk about Canto 6.

AND AN IMPORTANT REMINDER: THERE WILL BE SOME SPOILERS FOR CERTAIN PARTS OF THE SERIES, AND PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE CONTENT WARNINGS BEFORE YOU GET INTO ANYTHING HERE! This is a very dark series that tackles and shows very heavy topics and content!

For those who can't read the text on the image, some of the common trigger warnings for this series includes:

Animal Cruelty

Drug Use

References to Alcohol and Tobacco

Injury and Dismemberment

Homicide and Suicide

Violence and Torture

Cannibalism

Kidnapping, Abduction, and Captivity

Psychosis

Diseases, Seizure, and Dyspnoea (aka shortness of breath)

Familial Homicide and Domestic Violence

Reference to Clowns (Coulrophobia)

Themes of Occultism and Spiritualism

Audiovisual Depictions of Gore

Uses of Sharp and Pointed Objects

Hospital and Medical References

References to Gaslighting and Bullying

Body Modification and/or Deformation

Flashing Lights (Photosensitivity)

Disorientation Induced by a Shaking Camera

Strong Language and Demeaning Words

Reference to Traffic Accidents

Uses of Guns and Instruments of Violence

Discriminatory Violence

Religious Torture and Violence

Enforced Ideology and/or Actions

War and Mass Conflict

Anyway, if all that didn't scare you off, on to the guide!

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=WIKIS:

When in doubt, there's always the wikis for being references and useful sources, from gameplay to story elements!

>>Cogitopedia - A WIP wiki run by members of the community, working on adding in-depth content for all of the games and supplementary materials.

>>LobCorp Wiki - Has data on every abnormality, including inaccessible ones and cut ones (such as Price of Silence).

>>Library of Ruina Wiki - Has the lore from key pages, and also has cut content like the CGs from the original planned ending.

>>Limbus Wiki.gg - Has ID Uptie stories and info about Mirror Dungeon encounters. (DO NOT USE THE LIMBUS FANDOM WIKI, IT HAS BEEN ABANDONED/VANDALIZED.)

>>Library of Project Moon - A WIP fan blog whose purpose is to consolidate translations of the literary source novels and related works for Limbus Company and the PM games as a whole.

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=LOBOTOMY CORPORATION:

Summary: Lobotomy Corporation is the first game in the series. It is a roguelike management sim where you play as "Manager X", tasked with handling employees and various monsters known as Abnormalities in order to generate daily quotas of a power source substance known as Enkephalin and a mysterious "Seed of Light" project. You are aided by an alleged team of AIs known as the Sephirot, and your very own personal assistant AI, Angela. It's often been likened to "anime SCP Foundation."

This is the game where everything begins, and without it, we wouldn't have the plot of Limbus (or anything else for that matter). This is where the Golden Boughs come from, this is where Abnormalities come from, this is even where Distortions come from - but we're getting ahead of ourselves on that front.

>>This playlist will allow you to watch all the cutscenes from the game, in order, for the canon ending.

>>This video also has the cutscenes, albeit not in order, HOWEVER, it does have the alternate, non-canon endings A and B (which are timestamped in the link for convenience).

youtube

>>WordsmithVids (also on YouTube) also has what is generally considered to be the most popular summary of the game.

youtube

(NOTE: Some people disagree with WordsmithVids and his interpretations of some of the characters as well as his content being "meme-y," so I advise you to watch at your own discretion and draw your own conclusions. That being said, if people have better recommendations, please send them to me instead of just complaining and bitching without offering solutions like that one guy on Steam did, thank you.)

>>This site contains transcripts/text of the entire game, albeit not in order like the cutscene playlist. It also has WIP sections for EGO weapons, gear, and other useful info.

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=WONDERLAB:

Summary: Wonderlab was a webcomic by the artist MIMI/Whitezombies, originally posted on the Project Moon Postype account. It follows the adventures of several employees - often called "nuggets" in fan parlance - Catt, Taii, and Rose, in a Lobotomy Corporation branch facility as they go about their day to day activities.

This webcomic was taken down after the Summer 2023 Incel Controversy, when incels stormed the Project Moon office in Korea and made enough credible threats that the former Limbus CG artist known as Vellmori was fired, and it is currently part of a second conflict over copyright. However, primarily for archival and personal reference purposes, the comic has been saved and rehosted in several forms.

>>Internet Archive version. This has just the comic in an on-site readable format.

>>A backup archive on Google Drive. This features the individual pages, a downloadable .zip of the archive, and a readable Google Docs version.

For those who may have ethical concerns about downloading a webcomic that was pulled due to controversy (understandable), once again, >>WordsmithVids has a summary.

youtube

(NOTE: This is NOT the place to discuss either the Summer 2023 incel controversy *or* the current (Summer 2024) copyright conflict. There are far better places to do that with people who are far better informed on the topic than I am. This post is solely for providing references and archives of lore material to help guide people into this series. DO NOT attempt to bring up the controversies here, I will not be acknowledging them outside of mentioning why certain supplementary materials may have been pulled and have had to be mirrored. I am just an archivist, not a lawyer or discourser.)

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=LIBRARY OF RUINA:

Summary: Library of Ruina takes place some months after the events of Lobotomy Corporation. A "Grade 9 Fixer" known as Roland finds his way into the mysterious, tower-like Library that has sprung up in place of the former main facility of L Corp, where he encounters Angela and the other Sephirot (all now Librarians). He begins assisting her in finding "the perfect book", which involves enticing people to come to the library through the sending out of curious invitations.

Now, unfortunately, there is not a playlist that splits up the cutscenes or puts them in order for Ruina.

>>These two videos have them all in compilation.

youtube

HOWEVER. A wonderful and dear friend of mine (@citroncynique <3) has allowed the guide they sent me to be reproduced/copied.

>>As such, there is a guide on how to watch the cutscenes in the order that makes the most sense, utilizing the timestamps of the previous two videos. It is not a perfect system, but it works at least.

>>There is also a written transcript archive for Ruina, by the same person who did the one for LobCorp, which also includes useful info regarding things like cards and keypages as well.

>>WordsmithVids also has at least two summary vids out.

youtube

However, due to financial issues at last update, he has not been able to continue his summary of Ruina. I am including them regardless. >>As well as his Patreon in case people want to support him in hopes of making it easier for him to work on the vids again.

>>There is also an almost FOUR HOUR LONG video essay that delves into Angela's character specifically after the events of LobCorp and Ruina. It is not required viewing like the rest of the materials here, however, I think it still deserves a mention just for the amount of effort and care that went into it.

youtube

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=DISTORTION DETECTIVE:

Summary: Taking place at roughly the same time as Library of Ruina, two Fixers known as Ezra and Moses and an N Corp. Taboo Hunter known as Vespa investigate the Distortion Phenomenon that is rapidly starting to spread across the City after the events of the previous games.

Originally released as a webnovel on Project Moon's Postype, Distortion Detective has 42 chapters and is technically incomplete/on hiatus. Project Moon, surprised at how popular the webnovel was, decided they wanted to potentially make an entire game based on the story. As of this writing, that has not happened (yet) but at least one character from the novel has appeared in Limbus Company, so there is still hope yet.

>>The DD series in its original form on Postype. This version was posted chapter-by-chapter, on Project Moon's Postype account and is (as of this writing, at least) still readable there.

>>A backup archive on Google Drive. This has the entire webnovel in a single document format (both Docs and downloadable PDF) featuring NishikujiC's official chapter illustrations up to Ch. 26, and includes the now-cut comic adaption of Ch. 19 by the artist Monggeu/koug99.

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=LEVIATHAN:

(Lord, this one. Like it wasn't a big enough pain in the ass already.)

Summary: After the events of Library of Ruina, and operating as a direct prequel to Limbus Company, Leviathan follows the Color Fixer Vergilius (aka the Red Gaze) as he grapples with his own personal traumas and comes into conflict with the Ring Syndicate, before being recruited as a guide for the LCB.

Leviathan originally started as a webcomic by Monggeu/koug99. Health issues with the artist resulted in the comic being discontinued and turned into a webnovel, whose translation was never completed and had to later be finished by fans. The comic portion has since been taken down as of the Summer 2024 copyright conflict and controversy, much like Wonderlab was. Once again, however, this has been mirrored for archival and reference purposes.

>>Original source of Leviathan on Postype. Due to the copyright conflict and the translation hiatus, the only chapters available are Ch. 12-15. The link is still included for posterity reasons and just in case the copyright conflict results in the chapters being restored.

>>A backup archive on Google Drive. This link includes the comic chapters, as well as the SnakeskinFS English fan translations for the last five chapters that were never completed, all in PDF form.

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=LIMBUS COMPANY:

Summary: After all the events of the previous games, a mysterious up and coming business known as Limbus Company has taken it upon themselves to send a group composed of 12 "Sinners" and their mysterious clock-headed Manager Dante to delve into the now-abandoned L Corp facilities in search of mysterious artifacts known as Golden Boughs.

Finally we come to the end of the shrubbery maze. Limbus Company is the latest chapter in the currently unfolding story of Project Moon and the City, a gacha game being used to fund other projects under the company umbrella.

Many people, once again, have ethical concerns about patronizing a gacha game. I for one agree with them, even as one of those patrons.

>>This playlist features all of the cutscenes for each part of the game story released so far (up to Intervallo 6.5-2/Murder on the WARP Express as of this writing).

>>There is also this site, which operates as a pure datamined text archive of all the story content.

>>And this site, which has all the in-game Observation logs as told by the Sinners, about the Abnormalities and enemies encountered in-game.

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=BONUS/SUPPLEMENTARY:

This section, liable to be updated at any given time, is for links to materials or fan-creations that don't necessarily fit with the strictly canonical story materials found in the games and webnovels themselves but which otherwise provide useful resources or analysis. Note that the vast majority of material here is supplementary and not required, but recommended.

(Except the literary sources. You will read those, and that is a threat. I can't take another Wings-forsaken illiterate opinion on Canto 6, I'm going to start Distorting and biting people if YOU PEOPLE DON'T READ THE DAMN SOURCE NOVELS.)

YouTubers and Video Essayists:

Frey Chaqma - Frey has done lots of work for the PM community, such as spearheading the Absolute Pride Resonance charity event for Pride Month 2024 as well as discussing the lore of the games and the City as a whole.

Tsunul - Another YouTuber who discusses lore but who also often delves into more interpersonal matters relating to the fandom and controversies that can affect the game community as a whole.

Esgoo - Although Esgoo does not necessarily get into lore so much, they are often tauted as one of the biggest names in the fandom for, if nothing else, their meta-analysis and basic gameplay/strategy material, as well as their community involvement.

DMrLeeds - Although some of his videos are (comparitively) quite old, it can still provide a good jumping off point for anyone who is utterly lost on what's going on in Limbus.

hydrojoy's essay on Benjamin - In addition to Angela, hydrojoy also did an in-depth analysis on Benjamin, aka B, aka Hokma, from Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina and their impact on the story.

MetiNotTheBadGuy's PM Character Essays - Meti has done several excellent character breakdown videos on some of PM's most notable villains/characters, including Roland, Kromer, and Dongrang.

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

=ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

Citroncynique. For being a truly amazing artist, putting in the effort of making a watch guide for Ruina's cutscenes, and getting me into this series and ruining my life forever by jingling a bugman with PTSD in front of me (<3).

MIMI/Whitezombies, Monggeu/koug99, NishikujiC, and Vellmori. Although several of these artists have left PM and the community on bad terms, I still think their efforts should be appreciated and supported, now more than ever.

SnakeskinFS. For finishing Leviathan's English translation.

Folex, Bek, WordsmithVids, hydrojoy, and the Lobotomy Corporation Archive. For posting their cutscene and summary/analysis videos.

NeedsMoreDoge. The Steam user who provided the original guide and backup on how to read Leviathan that I myself utilized.

The less than pleasant members of the community who spurred me into making this guide in the first place, out of pure spite.

And of course, readers like you and those members of the community who make me so happy to be here and be a part of this fandom. Genuinely, thank you all, I have never felt as welcomed as I do in the Project Moon circles I run in.

In addition to the references included here, I recommend you get involved in your PM community as well! Join communities and Discords, support content creators on social sites, help contribute where it's needed and in whatever way you can! The best way to counteract the worst elements of any fandom is to be a guiding and helpful element in your own right.

Thank you all for reading, and I hope this guide helps you out!

#Project Moon #Lobotomy Corporation #Lob Corp #LobCorp #Library of Ruina #Limbus Company #lore guide #references #reference guide #croak.txt #ONCE AGAIN IF YOU HAVE RECOMMENDATIONS: PLEASE LET ME KNOW #the ones listed are the ones that I simply could personally verify #especially do this if you can recommend YouTubers #as I do not really consume YouTube content and I already had one person yell at me for it

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thewriteadviceforwriters · 1 year ago

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Hii,

I am writing a story with a female lead. She is going to go through a self discovery arc in which she explores her sexuality. I want to jump back and forth in timeline to when she’s a teenager and doesn’t realize she is queer (and in love with her best friend) but i am having a hard time figuring out how to show she is queer without telling (bc it’s from her pov). Any advice or thoughts?

Showing Queer Identity: Tips for Writing Self-Discovery Arcs

Hey there, fellow writer! 💖✨

First off, I want to say how awesome it is that you're tackling such an important and nuanced topic in your story. Self-discovery arcs, especially those involving sexuality, can be incredibly powerful and relatable for so many readers. It's fantastic that you're putting thought into how to present this journey authentically!

Now, let me dive into the meat of your question: how to show your character's queerness without explicitly telling, especially when she doesn't yet realize it herself. This is a challenge many writers face, and I'm excited to share some thoughts and techniques that might help you navigate this delicate balance.

Showing vs. Telling in Sexuality Representation

The age-old writing advice of "show, don't tell" becomes particularly crucial when dealing with a character's sexuality, especially in a coming-of-age or self-discovery narrative. It's about creating a tapestry of moments, feelings, and interactions that hint at the character's true nature without spelling it out for the reader (or the character herself).

(I have an entire post on Prose Tips with Show, Don't Tell. And another one where Telling Is Better Used Instead of Showing)

Here are some ways you can subtly show your character's queerness:

Physical Reactions: Pay attention to how your character's body responds to her best friend or other girls. Does her heart race? Do her palms get sweaty? Does she blush or feel a flutter in her stomach? These physical reactions can be powerful indicators of attraction, even if the character doesn't recognize them as such.

Lingering Gazes: Describe how your character looks at her best friend or other girls. Does she notice small details about them? Does her gaze linger on lips, hands, or other features? This can be a subtle way to show attraction.

Comparisons and Contrasts: Have your character compare her feelings for her best friend to her feelings for boys. She might notice that she feels more comfortable, excited, or "herself" around her friend than with male love interests.

Dreams and Daydreams: Use your character's subconscious to hint at her true feelings. She might have dreams about her best friend that leave her feeling confused or flustered upon waking.

Jealousy: Show your character feeling inexplicably upset when her best friend spends time with others, especially potential romantic interests.

Admiration vs. Attraction: Your character might think she's just admiring other girls' appearances or personalities, not realizing it's actually attraction.

Discomfort with Heteronormative Expectations: Show her feeling uncomfortable or out of place in typical heterosexual dating scenarios or discussions about boys.

Intense Emotional Connections: Highlight the depth of her emotional bond with her best friend, showing how it goes beyond typical friendship.

Personal Thoughts and Advice

As someone who's written queer characters and explored sexuality in my own work, I can't stress enough how important it is to approach this topic with sensitivity and authenticity. It's not just about representing sexuality; it's about capturing the complex emotions, confusion, and eventual self-realization that come with discovering one's identity.

One technique I've found particularly effective is to focus on the emotional journey rather than the physical aspects of sexuality. Especially for a young character who hasn't yet realized she's queer, the emphasis should be on her feelings, her confusions, and her gradual understanding of herself.

Remember, sexuality is a spectrum, and coming out to oneself is often a process, not a sudden realization. Your character might go through phases of denial, curiosity, experimentation, and finally acceptance. Each of these stages provides rich opportunities for character development and storytelling.

Unique Tips for Showing Sexuality in Writing

Use Metaphors and Symbolism: Incorporate imagery that subtly reflects your character's emerging sexuality. For example, use blooming flowers or changing seasons to mirror her personal growth.

Contrast with Heterosexual Experiences: If your character dates boys, show how these experiences feel different (and perhaps less fulfilling) compared to her interactions with girls.

Pop Culture References: Have your character relate strongly to queer characters in movies or books without fully understanding why.

Physical Proximity: Describe how your character seeks out physical closeness with her best friend - sitting close together, finding excuses to touch, etc.

Internal Monologue: Use your character's thoughts to show her confusion. She might question why she feels so strongly about her friend or why she's not interested in boys like her other friends are.

Microexpressions: Describe tiny facial expressions or body language cues that betray your character's true feelings, even if she's not aware of them.

Avoidance Behavior: Show your character avoiding situations that might force her to confront her sexuality, like setting up her friend with boys or talking about crushes.

Mirror Scenes: Create parallel scenes in different timelines to show how your character's understanding of herself has evolved.

Navigating the Timeline Jumps

Your idea of jumping back and forth in the timeline is brilliant for this kind of story. It allows you to contrast your character's oblivious teenage self with her more self-aware adult version. Here are some tips for making the most of this structure:

Echoes and Parallels: Create situations in the past that echo or parallel events in the present, highlighting how your character's understanding has changed.

Dramatic Irony: Use the reader's knowledge of the character's future to create tension and poignancy in the past scenes.

Evolving Language: Show how the language your character uses to describe her feelings changes over time, reflecting her growing self-awareness.

Physical Changes: Use descriptions of physical changes (hairstyles, fashion choices, etc.) to quickly orientate the reader in different time periods.

Pivotal Moments: Identify key moments in your character's journey and use these as anchors for your timeline jumps.

The Importance of Authenticity

When writing about sexuality, especially from a perspective different from your own, research and sensitivity are crucial. Consider reaching out to LGBTQ+ organizations or individuals who are willing to share their experiences. Reading coming out stories and queer literature can also provide valuable insights.

Remember, every person's journey with their sexuality is unique. While there are common experiences, avoid falling into stereotypes or oversimplification. Your character's story should feel genuine and personal.

Balancing Subtlety and Clarity

One of the biggest challenges in showing rather than telling sexuality is finding the right balance between subtlety and clarity. You want to drop enough hints for the reader to pick up on, but not so many that it becomes obvious to everyone except your character.

A good rule of thumb is to make the signs clear enough that a queer reader or someone familiar with the coming out experience would pick up on them, but subtle enough that someone without that perspective might miss them – much like how your character is missing them herself.

The Power of Supporting Characters

Don't forget the role that supporting characters can play in showing your main character's sexuality. Friends, family members, or even strangers might notice things about your character that she doesn't see in herself. Their reactions, comments, or questions can be powerful tools for indicating to the reader what's going on, even if the main character remains oblivious.

Addressing Internalized Homophobia

Depending on your character's background and the setting of your story, you might want to explore themes of internalized homophobia. This can manifest as your character actively pushing away thoughts or feelings that don't align with heteronormative expectations. Showing this internal struggle can add depth to your character's journey and make her eventual self-discovery even more powerful.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Remember that realizing one's sexuality is often a gradual process. Your character might have moments of almost-realization followed by retreat into denial. These back-and-forth moments can create tension and keep the reader engaged in your character's journey.

As your character grows and changes, you can show her becoming more comfortable with herself in subtle ways – perhaps she becomes more confident, more authentic in her interactions, or more willing to stand up for herself and others.

——————————————————————————————————

Writing about sexuality, especially from the perspective of a character who hasn't yet realized their own identity, is a delicate but rewarding challenge.

Remember, the key is to weave these elements naturally into your narrative. Don't force it – let your character's experiences and emotions guide the story. Trust your readers to pick up on the subtle cues you're laying down.

I hope these ideas and tips help you in crafting your story. Remember, every writer's approach is different, and what works for one story might not work for another. Trust your instincts, stay true to your character, and don't be afraid to revise and refine as you go.

Writing about sexuality and self-discovery is not just about representation – it's about creating stories that can help readers understand themselves and others better. Your story has the potential to be a light for someone struggling with their own identity, or a window for others to understand experiences different from their own.

As you write, keep in mind the impact your words might have. Approach the topic with sensitivity, respect, and an open heart. Your character's journey of self-discovery is a beautiful and important story to tell.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Writing about sexuality, especially in a coming-of-age context, can be challenging but incredibly rewarding. Here are some final thoughts to keep in mind as you work on your story:

Authenticity is Key: Stay true to your character's voice and experiences. Even if you're writing from a perspective different from your own, strive for authenticity in emotions and reactions.

Embrace Complexity: Sexuality is complex and often fluid. Don't be afraid to show the messy, confusing aspects of your character's journey.

Avoid Stereotypes: While some common experiences exist in the queer community, try to avoid relying on stereotypes. Make your character unique and three-dimensional.

Consider Intersectionality: Your character's sexuality doesn't exist in a vacuum. Consider how it intersects with other aspects of her identity, such as race, class, or religion.

Show Growth: As your character becomes more aware of her sexuality, show how this knowledge impacts other areas of her life and relationships.

Be Patient: Writing about such personal topics can be emotionally demanding. Be patient with yourself and take breaks when needed.

Seek Feedback: If possible, get feedback from sensitivity readers or members of the LGBTQ+ community to ensure your portrayal is respectful and accurate.

Remember, your story has the power to touch lives, open minds, and maybe even help someone on their own journey of self-discovery. It's a beautiful responsibility, and I'm excited for you to embark on this writing adventure!

Keep writing, keep exploring, and most importantly, keep being true to your characters and your story. You've got this! 💖🌈✨

If you have any more questions or need further advice as you write, don't hesitate to reach out.

Happy writing!📝🎉- Rin T.

Before you go, why not join us at The Write Right Society? We're a supportive Tumblr community where writers lift each other up. Whether you're a newbie or a pro, we'd love to have you! Share your work, get feedback, and connect with fellow wordsmiths, writers and aspiring authors.

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atzinwonderland · 2 months ago

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hiii req for an ateez headcannon where they are interested in someone who is asexual and is scared about dating but the boys reassure them that that’s not an issue for them pls and thank u in advance 🥰🤍

Hii, this is the hyung line version. I'll be posting the maknae line version soon as well. I hope you enjoy it!

Ateez when they are interested in someone who is asexual (headcanon) Hyung line

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。

fluff, angst | ateez x asexual reader

Hongjoong

As a fashion designer you often got to work with famous idols—and that's how you got introduced to Hongjoong.

You were asked to help him create his own fashion collection, and that meant spending a lot of time together.

After working side by side and meeting for coffee a few times, it became obvious that the two of you were starting to like each other.

Realising that your feelings for him were growing, you wanted to pull away. You'd been disappointed too many times in love, and now, you were cautious.

Hongjoong noticed you trying to pull away, but that didn't stop him from showing his feelings, and in a quite obvious way.

He sent you good morning texts every day, and every time you worked together he'd bring an extra coat for you because he knew you got cold easily,

Even after he showed that he liked you in so many ways, you continued to distance yourself.

He wondered why and decided it was time to be direct.

As the two of you sat down for your usual after-work coffee, Hongjoong took a deep breath and tackled the topic.

"You know I like you, right?"

Surprised by his honesty, you almost choked on your coffee.

"Wow, so we're going straight to the point"

"There's no use going around it, so..."

"Yeah... I know you do"

"And you like me back, right?" he continued, confident.

"Yeah, but—"

"But...?"

"There's something that you don't know. And because of it, I've been too scared to get closer to you"

"And what's this thing that I don't know? For me, the most important thing is that you feel comfortable being your most authentic self. And if this is a part of who you are, then I'm more than happy to hear it," he calmly explained, making you feel a bit more at ease.

"Thank you, Joong... Your words make it easier for me to say this. So, I'll just do it directly and get it out of the way—I'm asexual"

Your words were followed by a long silence. Hongjoong's expression froze. You tried to read his reaction, but you couldn't.

"Joong?"

"Y/n, I'm so sorry..."

Your heart dropped. "It's okay, I knew this might happen, and that's why I was scared, but—"

"No—," he interrupted after he realized that he hadn't expressed himself properly.

"I mean, I'm sorry that I was pressuring you. Now I completely understand why you tried to pull away"

"Wait, really? So...?"

"So it's all good," he said gently. "I like you for you—for the emotional connection we have. There's something between us, way deeper than what's on the surface. How you identify won't push me away. I'm fully willing to make this work"

"I've been abandoned so many times because of this. Are you sure you're going to stay?" you asked, still hesitant about his words.

"I've never been more sure. I know it must be scary after what you've been through, but let me show you that I'm here to stay," Hongjoong reassured, flashing you a comforting smile

"Thank you, Joong... You've made me the happiest person on earth. I trust your words—and our connection. I'm really excited to see how our relationship grows" you said, feeling like a weight was lifted off your chest.

"Can I give you a hug?" he asked, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable.

You found it so sweet that he asked. Without saying a word, you opened your arms, and he lightly wrapped his around your waist.

Seonghwa

You and Seonghwa first met at dance training years ago, when he was preparing to become an idol and you just went for fun.

Ever since that time, you’ve been in each other’s lives, becoming closer and closer as the years went by.

You eventually had to tell him about being asexual because he was there to witness so many of your sudden heartbreaks. It was only right that he knew the reason behind them.

Nothing changed after you told him. He treated you and cared about you the same way, if not more.

Every time someone broke your heart, his broke even more. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

How could you not see that the right person was right in front of you this whole time?

Seonghwa was done seeing you cry and decided it was about time the two of you had a serious conversation.

He invited you to go on a night walk by the river, and after the long day you had at work, the plan sounded perfect.

The clear night sky, the cool air, the night lights illuminating the streets—it was all perfect.

“Here, take my jacket. It’s cold,” Seonghwa said as he handed you his jacket.

“Thank you, but are you not cold?”

“I’m okay, don’t worry…”

“So, how was your day?” you asked, feeling weirdly nervous.

“Let’s skip that part”

“Okay, but was it that bad?”

“No, I just want us to have a more important conversation that should’ve happened sooner, but…”

“What conversation, Hwa?”

He stopped in his tracks, turning to look at you instead.

“I think we should be together,” he confessed directly, leaving you completely stunned.

“What?!”

“Exactly what you just heard. I’ve seen you cry and hurt too many times—it has to stop. I wasn’t planning on saying anything to not make you uncomfortable, but I realised that you deserve a guy that won’t make you suffer anymore—and that guy is me,” he said sincerely.

“Hwa, did you forget I’m asexual?”

“That is exactly what I’m trying to tell you. I want to show you that you can be loved exactly for who you are. We’ve already found ways to make each other happy, and the main thing that makes me happy—is being in your presence. It is enough. You are enough…”

“Wait, did you say you love me?”

After taking a deep breath, he continued to answer your question. “I love you, y/n. Don’t let that pressure you, it’s just how I feel after everything we’ve been through. I also hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable…”

“I feel the same way, actually. I love you too, Hwa”

“But…?” he questioned, feeling that it was coming.

“But… I don’t want you to suffer because of me. I know you’ll have to sacrifice your happiness, and I—”

“You’re my happiness, y/n. The sacrifices we’ll both have to make are so insignificant compared to the love we feel for each other. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to give us a try… What do you say?”

Pausing for a bit before answering, you looked into his eyes, and the only thing you could feel was love.

You’d finally found the right person.

“I also want us to be together, Hwa. It might take me a while to become more physically comfortable with you, but I will give it my all,” you said, and Seonghwa’s face softened.

“Don’t feel pressured, angel. Everything will happen naturally,” he reassured, and you suddenly felt like holding on to his hand.

You reached for it, then squeezed it for a few seconds and let go. He couldn’t help but chuckle at your cute action.

“You’re so cute, angel, you know that?” Seonghwa complimented, and you giggled.

Yunho

A few years ago, you moved into a new apartment, but you had issues from the start—the main one being the loud music playing from your neighbour's apartment.

After the issue happened a few times, it was time for you to talk to them.

After knocking on the door, a tall guy with the sweetest smile and chubby cheeks opened it.

That's how you got to meet Yunho.

Although it started off as you complaining, it turned into you going to his apartment to hang out almost daily.

The two of you found out you had many interests in common and, slowly but surely, started catching feelings.

After some time, you discovered something. Although you liked him a lot, you couldn't imagine yourself being intimate with him. Even just the thought of it made you anxious.

Then you realised that, in the past, it had always been like that.

That's when you came to the conclusion that you're asexual.

You had no idea how to go about it.

Your dreams of being with Yunho were over. You couldn't date him and then drop that information on him.

He would leave you.

Thinking that you could control your feelings, you stopped going to his apartment and even stopped texting him.

But he wasn't stupid. He immediately noticed the change in your behaviour.

He grabbed a box of your favourite chocolates and walked up to your front door.

"Y/n, are you there?" he asked after you didn't open the door for him.

"If you are, please come talk to me. I just want to know if you're okay..."

You could hear the worry in his voice, so you gave in.

"Hi, Yunho. I'm sorry, I just—"

"It's okay, I just wanted to give you these," he said as he handed you the chocolates, "and make sure you're okay... I'll leave now"

He turned around, ready to leave, but you pulled his arm.

"Wait, we need to talk. Do you want to come in?" you asked, feeling ready to talk to him after seeing his worried state. He didn't deserve to suffer.

"Yeah, sure," he replied, and you led him inside.

The two of you sat comfortably on your couch, and Yunho waited for you to begin the conversation at your own pace.

"First of all, I'm sorry for distancing myself, but I had no idea what else to do"

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"No, you didn't. You're just making things harder..."

"I don't understand"

"I recently discovered something about myself, and if it wasn't for you, it wouldn't have been a problem"

"I'm sorry, but I'm still really confused," he said, looking into your with pure confusion.

"I need to get to the point so you can understand, but it's really hard..."

"Don't rush it. I'm not in a hurry, so just tell me whenever you feel ready," he reassured.

Your mysteriousness made him feel quite nervous—especially because he also had feelings for you.

"Yunho... I like you," you confessed nervously, and he looked at you blankly for a few seconds before chuckling.

"Is that all? It's so cute how you got nervous just to tell me this—"

"That's not all. Before you say anything—"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, y/n, but let me tell you how I feel first," he began, and you wish you could stop him before he got disappointed, but you just couldn't—he looked so excited to tell you how he felt.

"I also like you. A lot. I've felt that way since the first time I saw you, but I didn't want to rush anything. We became closer as time went by, and I'm glad I didn't rush it, because now it feels so right," he confessed enthusiastically.

"I really appreciate your confession, Yunho, but... I'm asexual"

He blinked a few times letting your words sink in. "And you think that'll change my feelings? Y/n, listen, I'm very grateful that you shared this part of you with me. It means a lot, and I can't imagine how hard it must've been to share this—but it isn't something that should stop us from being together"

"I'm scared. I don't want you to regret being with me later on or realise that you need more," you shared, and his whole posture softened.

"I assure you that won't happen. Your presence and ways of showing care and love are enough. It'll be hard to get me away from you even for a second—believe me, when I like a person, I'm by their side till the end"

His words made you emotional, and his comforting presence made you trust him completely.

"Okay, Yuyu. I trust you. I'm still nervous, but I trust you," you said, and he smiled.

"You won't regret trusting me, I promise..."

You couldn't resist his sweetness, so you suddenly wrapped your arms around his waist and snuggled your head against his neck.

Your unexpected cuddle made him really happy.

Yeosang

As Yeosang's manager, the two of you spent a lot of time together.

The more time you spent together, the more you realised that you were made for each other.

Your personalities matched perfectly—your opinions, just everything.

Although he tried to hide it, you knew he liked you. It was obvious by the way he treated you—gently and with a lot of care.

For example, there was a time when he actually went to your boss and asked for the schedule to change—just because you had a dentist appointment. You found it extremely sweet, but you also thought how could they change everyone's schedule just because of you. Although he tried, it didn't work, but you still appreciated the sweet gesture.

You also liked him, but after everything you'd been through, you'd developed a fear of dating.

Every time someone found out that you were asexual, they immediately left. No one thought you were worth fighting for, so you just decided to stay away from heartbreak.

Today was the day Yeosang decided to confess. He felt extremely nervous, his hands were shaking, but he knew he had to go for it.

He bought flowers and headed to your apartment.

When you saw him standing nervously with flowers at your door, you already knew where this was going.

You really didn’t want him to confess, because you would’ve had to disappoint him.

“Yeosang, I’m asexual!” you suddenly announced before he even said a word.

After hearing your words, Yeosang handed you the flowers and then left.

You thought he left for good, making you emotional that once again someone you cared about had abandoned you.

Little did you know, Yeosang didn’t actually leave. The nerves just got to him, and he didn’t want to mess up anything, so instead, he decided to explain everything in a card.

After crying for the past two hours, you heard a knock on your door. You tried to wipe your tears away, but it was impossible.

“Yeosang?”

“I’m so sorry I left earlier, but I just got really nervous about saying something wrong and ruining everything, so instead, I wrote it down,” he said nervously as he handed you the card.

“I’ll go for now, and we can talk once you’ve read it”

“What if I prefer that you stay with me and we read it together?”

“…Okay, I’ll stay. I owe it to you, so…” he replied, and the two of you entered your apartment.

Once inside, you started reading his card:

“Dear y/n, I’ve never felt so nervous in my life, but it’s all because you’re very important to me. Since the moment we started working together, you’ve been my partner in crime. We always laugh together and have an amazing time. We give each other courage and push each other to become better every day. What I want to say is: I like you. And even those words don’t fully capture what I feel. You did tell me you’re asexual, but that doesn’t change anything. It’s a part of who you are, and it doesn’t make you any different from who you were until now. After reading this, are you willing to give us a shot?—Yeosang”

As you read the card, he snuck a few glances at you—curious about your reaction, but the moment you finished reading it, his gaze diverted back to the ground.

His words were so warm and reassuring that the fears you had were slowly starting to evaporate.

“Yeosang, these words are beautiful—thank you. Before I can give you an answer though, my biggest fear is that we start dating and then, after a while, you decide to leave—”

“You really think I would do that after everything we’ve been through? Y/n,” he started, suddenly feeling confident, “I just know that you’re my person—my soulmate. And only a really dumb guy would leave their soulmate. Spoiler alert: it’s not me,” he said, and you smiled at his reassuring words.

“Then there’s only one possible answer to your question earlier—I also want to be with you, Sangie,” you confirmed, and a slight smirk formed on his face.

“That’s amazing! I also love the upgraded nickname. What should I call you? Precious?”

“I’d love that…”

“Okay, perfect. You’ll be precious from now on,” he said as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks, and you found it extremely cute.

#atzinwonderland #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez hyung line #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez x reader #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez soft hours #ateez headcannons

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